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#and the dude is so insecure
hornyxalternative · 2 months
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🩷
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fungi-maestro · 29 days
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Happy tdov to fat trans people. 🏳️‍⚧️ Biggest thing that helped me as a trans kid was seeing older fat trans people. There were a lot of really irritating "advice" posts going around early in my time on the internet with a lot of misinformation in them, but one that I constantly saw (in addition to people claiming you should wear your pants rediculously low or only wear button ups) were posts saying you had to lose weight to transition. Can confidently confirm that is completely untrue. 👍
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fishtrift · 10 months
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all of my friends hate me
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levitiquee · 7 months
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It'd been years after the war.
You no longer had to fight anymore.
The ODM bruises had started to fade as you don't have to tighten the straps anymore, so hard that they dug into your skin. You don't miss the familiar weight of the gas tanks and thunder spears around your waist.
No more recovering only the remains of your dead friend. No more running for your life. No more corpses, no more blood.
You don't miss that life.
You've found your peace, a life with Levi.
You would have never thought it was possible. Not just you and him, but the whole concept of it.
That finally, you can sleep peacefully, without being scared of an urgent call that a wall was broken through. Though you'd still have nightmares but still. And even then it was fine because you had Levi now, to help you get through it. You no longer hard to curl up to yourself and try to calm yourself down, hug a pillow and sob silently so none of your dormmates wake up. You had Levi now.
Or the mornings, you think. The odd sense of peace, the feeling of safety. You can wake up beside him and stay in bed for as long as you want. You don't have to get up and search for your uniform. There's no training to be late to. You just curl yourself around him and watch him sleep, peaceful. And you get to watch when he'd woke up, sleepy sleepy eyes peering through and then arms wrapping around you tighter. He looks so vulnerable then. But you're glad, you think. That he can sleep like that now. That he feels safe enough to, safe with you. His dark circles aren't so visible anymore and he doesn't look as tired as he used to. He still can't get a full rest, but the insomnia isn't that bad.
Life had changed. And for the best. Peace for him and peace for you.
But try as you may, and oh dear God did you try, you can't actually forget. Can't actually leave the life you had spent so many years living behind just like that.
No, the scars never faded.
Souvenirs, you think. Reminders etched into your skin, reminders of who you were and what you've done and all that you pray to forget.
Yours stopped bothering you at one point. It used to. Once. Severely.
You'd stare at the bruises on your thighs for hours or the livid pale slashes along your arms or your stomach. Rough knuckles and calloused fingertips, the constant usage of ODM had left marks there too.
It's more the memories than anything that comes with it.
You used to think, how could anyone possibly look at this marred mess you were and still love you?
Oh but Levi.
He never told you but you knew.
He thinks it's not enough. That he's not enough. That surely you deserve someone with all their fingers, and both their eyes.
And you think it's ridiculous.
But even now, after so many years, you'd sometimes catch a glimpse of him staring at himself into the mirror, fingers grazing his face.
The world had been so cruel to him. And he didn't know how to be kinder to himself.
Unlike you, who cried it out, he never learnt how to actually handle his emotions. So when it's one of those days, he merely shuts himself out. In his own dark little mind. And those days, you leave him alone, because he only curls into himself deeper if you try to get him out. And you learnt to give him space, for him to come out on his own. Though every inch of you wants to help him, but you don't know how.
And it was one of those days, you realized when you walked into the bathroom.
He was staring at the bathroom mirror, arms braced on the counter. So focused he didn't even hear you coming.
"Levi?" You called out gently.
He didn't answer, but his head tilts towards you, eyes shifting to meet yours. He only gives a slight nod.
"You... okay?"
"...yeah." He takes a moment but nods. "Fine."
And it was then you noticed how hard his fingers gripped onto the counter. And you noticed his expression, the look of guilt there. How he wouldn't even look at you properly.
Your heart hurt.
If only he understood.
You didn't say anything but walked towards him. And without a word, you slide on top of the counter, shifting so he was standing between your legs. You locked your legs behind him, pulling him closer. He was startled but he didn't say anything, his eyes downcast.
There was so much pain inside those gray eyes.
"Levi." Your voice gentle, soft. "Look at me."
At that, he only tilted his head, looking further away from you, eyes darting sideways.
"No, look at me." You held his chin, turning his head towards you. He flinched at your touch, but you could see the resistance breaking under your gaze. The walls coming down.
With that, you held up your hair, tilting your head to show him a slash that went up to your neck.
"See this?"
He looked at you, confused. And without a word, you tugged on your t-shirt, taking off the clothing in one pull.
"What are you... doing?" He asked, warily. Eyes on your face. Even after so many years, he still got shy.
"No, eyes here lev." You said firmly. "See this?" You pointed at a scar along your elbow, then towards the bruises that ODM had left on your chest. " And this?"
He only stared at you, expression hard. His jaw tightened.
"Tell me Lev." You sighed.
"Does these repulse you? Creeps you out? Do you think they're ugly? Do they make you love me less? Or not at all?"
Levi looked horrified. He was immediately shaking your head, desperate to deny the words. How could you even think that?
"No." He said hastily, eyes wide. "No, what are you saying? Of course not—"
"So why on earth," You gently cupped his cheek, shushing him down. "Do you believe that yours makes me love you any less?"
Your thumb pressed along the scars on his cheek. They were white now, no longer blood red and livid on his skin as it was back when Hange stiched them up. You swallowed, pressing your forehead to his.
"What made you think," You whispered. "That these makes you worth any less levi? "
He didn't pull away, but he stiffened. His face hardened but there was a look of despair beneath his eyes. "That's not the same—''
"How is it any different?" You cut him out, your voice firm. "You tell me, I'm waiting."
He hesitated, staring at you. And then he looked down.
"...I'm crippled."
"Your point?"
"You deserve someone younger. Someone whole. Someone who's more than me."
"There's no one that's more than you levi."
"I'm damaged. "
"We'll fix it. I'll fix you. So, help me fix myself."
"I'll hurt you. I've already hurt you. I don't know how to be better than this. I don't know how to love someone. "
"You're the only person who have never hurt me. You make me feel more worthy than anyone else in this world ever could. And holy shit, if you can't," You whispered. "If you can't, let me. God, I'd love the shit out of you if you'd just let me. So fucking let me in Levi, don't push me away. Don't shut me out. You've done that enough in your lifetime."
And Levi was still. He was made out of stone. So hard, so rough, the edges so sharp. He tries to soften himself for you, but it goes against everything he ever taught himself his whole life and he doesn't know how to do that. He tries, but somehow it never feels enough. Not enough for you. And he wish he could believe that you didn't love him because you do and he could feel it. He can always feel it . Like the way you were looking at him and he felt so, so exposed.
It makes him feel guilty. Someone like you doesn't belong with someone like him. And he wishes, for once in your life, you'd stop looking at him like that so he could convice himself that you don't want him and he could walk away.
And he knows he makes you feel like you're not good enough, because he sees your sad expression when he locks himself out. But it's not you, he wants to tell you. God, you're fucking perfect and it's never you. It's him. He's the fucking problem. The space inside his head was so dark he was scared that just might be enough for you to leave.
But you. The tempt of it.
The warmth of you. You were all softness and gentless and goodness, so so kind to him and it makes him want to hold you tight and never let go again.
But somedays it gets so hard.
He isn't used to this. To show his feelings. To feel so bare in front of someone. Instinct doesn't let him.
He isn't used to feel so loved.
But he thinks he'd try. For you.
Because now that it's you, he doesn't know how to go back to a time there wasn't you.
"Levi?" Your voice pulls him out of his mind. Like you always did. His saving grace, his angel. You wrapped your arms around him, pulling you closer and he can hardly breathe.
"Don't give up on me, Levi." You whispered to his ears. "On you. On us."
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@sad-darksoul @anxious-chick @raginginferno267
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seafoam-aliens · 21 days
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I don't trust artists that openly criticize liking posts.
We're all aware that liking a post is the simplest form of interaction and doesn't get your art boosted as much as it used to, but it's also the easiest way for other people to engage with your work. Putting on a post that you should always reblog and not "just like" even to the point of threatening to block ppl for it is just not a good look for anyone. Of course, you as an artist deserve to have your work seen, and I'm not talking about ppl who politely put "reblogs appreciated" under posts, but I promise you, you'll get more interactions by not treating people like an algorithm number cruncher.
I queue most of my posts, and I've gotten blocked by artists before because I didn't immediately hit reblog. It's frustrating! I can't continue to support someone who can't even trust me to share their post.
Your followers do not owe you anything, you are posting artwork for yourself first and others last.
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red-jayus · 1 month
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Some doodles I did of the radio bastard... I love his b**hy expressions
also here the reference shots :]
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STOP SMILING B**H !!!
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Thinking about Lestat seeing Louis’s eating patterns as a waste of his gift/himself while Armand gives Louis food that he literally can not enjoy or digest just so he has something on his stomach
#if i had to give each of louis relationship a theme loustat would be shame and loumand would be enabling#which are both really bad ways of “helping” a partner with an ed#lestats shame and anger tactics only make louis more resentful and less likely to eat#while armand having the little drinks and exotic animals and the human food dont actually deal with louis problem head on-#cus at the end of the day louis is still not eating enough#and i think they really exemplifies both of their trauma and abandonment issues#both of them came up chronically food insecure#lestat was put into the role of provider at a very early age and stayed in that role until he died/was turned#so for him rejecting what lestat gives is like rejecting lestat cus he doesnt have anything else to make him “useful”#and lestats reaction to rejection is anger and control so he tries to shame and control louis into eating more/human#while armand has been abandoned by literally everyone he loves up till this point so for him its like#ok i can make people dtay if i give them what they want and what louis wants is to not feel bad about eating and so armand does that#but it still doesnt get to the root of the issue which is louis having poor coping mechanisms for his grief and other emotions#like either way you slice it. louis is not meeting his nutritional needs. he eats drinks from one guy eats a fox or some other small animal#when he should be having like two dudes at least#and then he has human food which according to anne rice makes vampires vomit up their whole stomach content so...#louis imma send you to my therapist shes great#interview with the vampire#iwtv#louis de pointe du lac#amc iwtv#lestat de lioncourt#ldpdl#iwtv 2022#armand iwtv#armand#loumand#loustat#like armand gives louis food he cant eat just so he knows theres something in louis stomach even for a short while
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hajihiko · 9 months
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I’m not any of the anons from before but as a fellow kazuichi fan I’d personally love to hear you talk about why you like him if you feel like it! personally I was first drawn to his character design, I just thought he looked cool, and then the second he opened his mouth and revealed himself as a loser, I loved him like ten times more lol. I know some people think he’s ‘creepy’ but I feel like he keeps enough a distance from Sonia that he’s just a guy with a crush, and also his “don’t you ever just wanna take girls apart and see how their bones work” line lives in my head rent free
Ok well. Sorry dude (genuinely) but I dont think I think of him the way a lotta ppl do. Heres my take sorry if it ruins it
First of all, do I LIKE his character? No. I like what could become of it if handled well, in the future (same with Akane and Sonia and... a lotta characters tbh).
I dont want to gloss over that he was really not cool with Sonia. I DON'T think it was like, a simple silly crush like any other dude would have, I think he WAS inappropriate about it and (most likely completely unbeknownst to him) enforcing things that she genuinely could not stand. He was insecure and took it out on others as well as himself.
These are all character flaws. Every single character has them (some more than others). Fuyuhiko was genuinely a dick (as I have said many times, having anger issues isnt an excuse for the way he talks sometimes), Hiyoko is a bully, Ibuki is insensitive when se gets caught up, Impostor is condescending sometimes, etc. Kazuichi isnt the only one to be a jackass sometimes and t deny it is to deny his character, just as much as reducing him to only that is oversimplifying it.
What I like about Kazuichi is: the design.
(Ok jk but I do enjoy the design a lot)
I like the teenage insecurity. He thinks he wants to be a chick magnet, but gets scared when girls show an interest in him. His ideal woman is basically a barbie doll. He's a little too eager to see his boy bestie naked. He was so excited for a class retreat because he's never had one before. He was so desperate to be cool and tough and not a nerd that he drastically (and no doubt painfully, ow, TEETH) changed his appearance to conform to his Ideal Self, but could not actually change his personality.
He's basically a teenage boy, warts and acne at all, trying so hard to be The That Guy but spectacularly failing. He's actually somewhat of a genius (and the Death Trap stuff hints to him having a lot of repressed turmoil which honestly so true, teenagers whose only outlet is fantasizing about the gory demise of their tormentors, SO TRUE) but he can't SEE that because he wants to be some kind of cool punk frat bro dude. He's so busy living up to some idealized version of himself that he fumbles who he actually is, which if he just took a moment, would be a pretty cool dude. Basically, did you ever discover a cool band and tried to model your entire personality after what you thought those vibes would be? That, but sad.
So yeah, I think he's great at comedic beats, and also has a lot of heart underneath it, but has never been in a place where he can just accept that and let it shine. His last words were basically "here I am, don't forget me!" which like, man, isnt that just relatable teenagerism?
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i-spilled-my-soup · 11 months
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post ttc nico thinking bianca might have lived if he was only smarter and stronger and better, and bianca being the only role model he'd had for all the life he'd remembered he absolutely overcompensates becoming a caricature of distrust and seclusion. but he isnt used to it like bianca was and his desire to help (to prove his worth? to prove that he has a right to live when his sister didn't?) manifests in clinging to any opportunity of progress, anything that could earn him graditute or at the very least repentance
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transfem vil: broke
gender-fluid vil: woke
transmasc vil: bespoke
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butchladymaria · 1 year
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#bloodborne#not exaggerating when i say that even wearing PANTS was seen as an exclusively masc thing btw#there are Multiple cases of women literally PASSING AS DUDES by wearing pants. IN THE ARMY NO LESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#this one lady who wore pants to farm was seen so outlandish it warranted public backlash#women were arrested for wearing pants and button-down shirts as recently as THE SIXTIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i could go more into maria's outfit as a whole but the pants ALONE make her canonically masc By Definition in the historical context :)#if ur abt to be fucking stupid on this post im Just going to block u btw#having said that if anyone DOES have normal responses or questions i really love history and i have a lot of resources#comment/reblog/inbox/dm are all fair game <333#in case anyone was curious what my inbox looked like after making that post#most of these are direct quotes :) its just silly to me#like holy [citation needed]#if u want to know more!!!!#i love her so much and im really tired of (overwhelmingly cis) people literally being so insecure in their own gender#that they just start reinventing gender roles in my inbox!!!!!#and everywhere else they can get their hands on#i think some of yall need to realize that uhhhhhhh#butch lesbians seeing maria as a butch lesbian is not fucking '''''''tokenism'''''''''''' or whatever#that is Literally Not What That Word Means#but it may be worth examining why you are so upset by it?#or barring that........have some genuine curiosity about the history of gender.......because its really cool to research imo
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rozaceous · 5 months
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kinda random but i think the biggest power fantasy i commonly see in fics doesn't have anything to do w superpowers or everyone liking the main character, it's living in adverse conditions and being able to work yourself out of them through sheer force of individual willpower.
i think it goes hand-in-hand with the absolutely unrealistic depiction of autodidactism, where you can learn everything perfectly well from books and youtube. it's the idea that you can just use hard work and knuckle through and eventually you'll come out the victor and also be leagues ahead of everyone.
it's understandable but telling that the most common depictions in fandom of abused or disadvantaged characters includes them being the best and most perfect person ever, and that they tend to get out of a situation by themselves, generally accompanied by a confrontation where they emerge as morally superior and everyone gawks at them and applauds their virtue.
i get the urge, but it's truly a fantasy, and i think the more challenging and ultimately empowering scenario is reaching out to others and being helped bit by bit. idk where exactly i'm going with this, but i guess my point is that no one actually lives in a vacuum.
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moeblob · 30 days
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Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.
Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.
#my characters#waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit#deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee#and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name#deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c#man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while#he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair#ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so#its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons#but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me#and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not#fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew#and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable#while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts#and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed#so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en#so you know maybe its that idk#and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now#and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it#and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad#that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal#and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it#the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer#anyway story time in the tags again#im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note#its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him#he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times#and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea#and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you
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shippyo · 3 months
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Beep-O but he is shaped like a cinnamon bun,,
also second pic is a silly request from a friend,,,hold him gently he is fragile,,
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swan2swan · 8 months
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Annual reminder that Aang wasn't a terrible dad, that one episode was badly written and had poor perspective. Aang was a busy, working dad who had a lot of stuff to do, and then suddenly his third kid was a full-on Airbender and he was literally the only one qualified to teach this baby, so then he finally had an excuse to put his family before his duties ("My family IS my duty now, suckers!!!"), and so Kya and Bumi were all "What the heck, Dad???" because they were now teens (iirc) and they missed out on all that stuff.
It was basically Aang going from "my family has 20% of my time" to "my family has 40% of my time". Still not enough, probably, but Aang could finally go and explore his own culture without feeling guilty about leaving the rest of the world to fend for itself.
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kittyslashers · 1 year
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jesus christ. was not expecting this kwite video today.
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