#and the reason why i identified as a gay boy lesbian was bc im a boy but in a non binary butch dyke way

[butchcharliee]

.

#i just realized how many people blocked me for identity as “gay boy lesbian” :o #like mutuals.. #im not a bi lesbian or a trans man lesbian y'all 😭 #now i dont go policing peoples identities so if you identify as those then i dont really care at all lmao #back to the point tho #when i said im a gay boy lesbian #i just meant im very butch4butch 😭 #i didnt mean I'd date and fuck men bc hell no #im not into people who identify as a binary man!! #im a lesbian!! #also i dont identify as a “gay boy lesbian” anymore if that'll make y'all happy #it hurts when other butches block you like y'all my family :/ #and the reason why i identified as a gay boy lesbian was bc im a boy but in a non binary butch dyke way #and im attracted to other butches or transmasc who also identify as that #will delete later

[batpoisonz]

what are all the flags in your intro? :D /genq

I LOVE ANSWERING THESE TY FOR ASKING I will go in order for u and go in as much depth as I can!!

good faith 4 good faith

made by @stainedlenses! I believe (correct me if I am wrong) that it is for people who support good faith identities and would prefer to be partners with somebody else who is also a good faith supporter :3c (as in supporting all good faith identities such as mspec lesbians)

masculine-identified feminine-aligned cross-aligned flag

I made this one! it's for anybody who identifies as cross aligned and identifies as a masculine gender, but aligns with a feminine gender. for example im transfemmasc intersex and I identify as a man, but im aligned with any fiaspec genders (I think that's the right term).

transfem flag

also made by me! originally this was just supposed to be an "intersex transfem" flag but because the transfem community doesn't ENTIRELY have a flag we have agreed on (same with the transmasc community) I wanted to make it for just anybody who is transfem of any variant. I was also really exclusionary when I made it and decided on the flag with votes so I want to repurpose it for people who aren't exclusionary.

I know we have the pink and blue transfem and transmasc flags but as an intersex person I just wanted to stay away from them bc of all the discourse and potential false information cuz idk who to trust atp.

turigirl flag

idk who made this but basically for any turian/veldian/gay person who identifies as a girl in some way! it's the counterpart for lesboy!

inclusive dawn lesbian flag

made by @redtail-lol! imo it's really pretty, but basically I'm using it in place of the mainstream/sunset lesbian flag bc 1.) it was made by a bi lesbian 2.) it was made by somebody who is inclusive 3.) it isn't 2 flags smashed together so it has originality (which taking inspo is fine, u can have originality while taking inspo but the sunset flag didn't have that), and more! these are all reasons to use the dawn flag over using the sunset flag, in my personal preference. u don't have to use it!

lesboy flag

counterpart to turigirl, for anybody who identifies as a lesbian and a boy in some way!

lunian lesbian flag (idk why this one is smaller)

for lesbians who want to specify they're mspec without an mspec label/for lesbians who want to include lesbians of all genders!

intertransfluid

for anybody who is intersex and cannot specifically pinpoint what their gender is due to having a unique connection to gender/feels like no current terms completely match their gender or one of their genders/is fluid around what terms they use due to not knowing which one fits best. I also made this flag and coined the term!

7 stripe Sappho lesbian flag

made by @thepokedexisgay! for anybody who is a lesbian and wants to use the Sappho flag or this one I believe!! I use it instead of the mainstream one as well bc it's more inclusive and doesn't have connections to any sort of bigotry or racism. nor does it include any part of the lipstick flag which I am uncomfortable with

I think that's all of them! I hope this helps you!

#bi lesbian #lesbian #mspec lesbian #mspec safe #bi lesboy #gay #lesboy #lgbt #lgbtq+ #mspec lesboy #mogai coining #mogai #mogai flag #mogai term #mogai gender #trans #transfem #transgender #transmasc #cross aligned #queer #gender #bisexual #pansexual #bi #pan #bi/pan lesbian #bi/pan #aroace #asexual

[singularsoldier]

One of my biggest complaints about lesbianism on this site is that I haven’t seen a remote whisper of similar discourse surrounding gay men.

Heads up, a lot of this is ranting/venting so im probably gonna repeat stuff or not make a ton of sense in some places:

Like, a man was married with kids before realizing he’s gay. Okay, cool. You’re still gay dude. A man dates a boygirl person. Still gay who cares. He thinks a female celebrity is stunning. Duh! Look at her! But the second a lesbian is inserted into those exact scenarios, its a race to micro label and argue over what she can call herself.

Previously married with kids, dating a boygirl, thinks a male celebrity is hot, all of these are used against the lesbian identity and can be boiled down to elementary “eww you have BOY cooties” which leads into terf territory. Its a rehash of gold star lesbianism and ultimately shames lesbians who were unsure of their identity or found themselves in comphet relationships for safety/lack of support. Hell, its shaming lesbians for even thinking a random person is objectively hot bc they ID as a man.

Moving on, a similar thing happens when someone who previously ID’d as gay/lesbian realizes they’re attracted to multiple genders. Even if its just romantic for one and sexual for the other, the gay person is ultimately seen as bisexual. No further questions. The lesbian? Once again, its a race to label and argue.

This is where “bi” lesbian loses me. I don’t see anyone calling gay men bi gays for being in those previous scenarios I listed. A bi guy who only dates women and sleeps with men is bi. End of story. Not a peep about being a bi gay. I have, however, seen multiple definitions of bi lesbianism that include those exact examples. A lesbian got exposed to BOY COOTIES so now they can’t call themself a lesbian.

Or, rather, a woman only likes men romantically but since she isn’t dropping her panties for him, she’s still a lesbian. Is she only bisexual if she has sex with men? What if she only dates girls and sleeps with guys? Does that make her a bi straight? Once again, the second a woman enters the equation, everything goes out the door and we have to argue about Person Who Doesn’t Have Sex With ____. Why is being bisexual regardless of how it presents a bad thing? I haven’t seen anyone give a solid reason other than “i dont wanna be bi” or parroting some kind of terf rhetoric.

Adding to that, in a lot of the discourse, it honestly feels like bigender/multigender people are being used as a gotcha. Like I said before, a gay guy dating a boygirl is just a gay guy dating a boygirl. A lesbian dating the same person? “They identify as a boy!!! You clearly like men!!” which, ultimately, ignores the full scope of that person’s identity. They aren’t just a boy in the same way they aren’t just a girl. I guarantee no one would jump down a gay guy’s throat and say “ummm ACTUALLY she says she’s a girl so she makes you not gay”.

The same gotcha issue comes about with trans people. It’s as if saying “I’m not attracted to men” equals not calling a trans woman a woman. I only ever see terf accusations float around when a lesbian makes that statement. Never when a gay guy says he isn’t attracted to women. If your first thought when hearing that is “well they MUST be talking about trans people” then you have a problem, and anyone who actually refuses to date someone bc they’re trans is the actual exclusionist.

Gay and lesbian have a region of gender identity that falls out of bounds. A lot of people do. Yet the level of discourse over everything I mentioned is drastically different between them. God forbid a lesbian say “oh I dated a gay once but realized I wasn’t attracted to men”. They’ll get called a terf, an exclusionist, and every name under the sun. If a gay guy said the same about a woman? Two notes and its gone.

#vent #rant #lesbian #lgbtqia #gay #lgbt discourse

[katiesfriendzone]

tw: pedophilia; however please read b/c you all deserve my honesty.

I am extremely apprehensive about writing this and understand if you all can't be my friend anymore. I just cannot take the feeling of lying by omission to you all anymore.

I am friends with self-identified non-offending female pedophiles and it's because the big problem I allude to on my blog was thinking I am one.

In 2020, I was coming to terms with the fact that my beliefs were not very consistent, and the situation with Emmett made me realize I didn't really have business calling myself a feminist. this led to a period of intense questioning of many things I believed to be an established part of myself.

This period of questioning lead to an intense period of what would probably be labeled POCD. I still struggle to understand the difference between a closeted sexual orientation and an intrusive thought, as closeted gay people also experience their attraction as "unwanted thoughts"; thoughts being unwanted doesn't mean they don't reflect something real because they could be unwanted for so many reasons.

The idea that it was my sexual orientation made sense. After all, if being a lesbian or a gay man can also be characterized by aspects of personality not necessarily related to sex, like a gay man reminiscing of playing with girls instead of other boys at recess or a lesbian reminiscing on her days on the softball team, surely my form of gender nonconformity, which doesn't embody rugged masculinity or feminine polish but childish lack of both adult femininity and masculinity, could be part of my orientation. It would explain why I felt asexual towards men and towards women.

I like kids. That is obvious. I can't peek into anyone else's head who likes kids in a Normal way and see if their feelings for children are different from mine. I think children are, physically, cuter and nicer to look at than adults. I don't feel anything about their genitalia but as we know I actively dislike both vulvas and penises so that's kind of a moot point. I've never watched CP, but I've also never really watched adult porn. A mutual of mine who's since blocked me, maybe bc she was canny enough to clock this or maybe just bc im annoying, wrote a great post about queer refusal, and how queerness is often implicitly defined about being about being more and more open sexually, whereas for lesbians, often the most non-conforming thing about them is their LACK of attraction to/refusal of men. I think women who aren't attracted to men and lack the capacity to be attracted to men for whatever reason are queer, oppressed, etc. full stop.

I understand why, hearing this news, your concern and compassion would not be for me, but for children. I understand, with child sexual abuse being so rampant and CSA:pedophilia being synonymous in people's minds, that it could seem insane that someone who is hypothetically doing all this damage could be the one who is sad. I would like to make a big ask right now and ask you to consider queerness through the above lense and see why someone who is not attracted to men or to women might relate to or find solace in gay, lesbian, queer sentiments and struggles.

again, I can't peek into anyones head. I feel less repulsed by vulvae and penises than I did at the height of all this, and there are certainly adults who I like to look at (hi Dev Patel), and when I feel even the slightest glimmer of attraction to an adult, I indulge in it (hi, obsessive Dev Patel posting) to the most extreme degree I can. However, if you were to replace "man" with "adult" in the Lesbian Masterdoc, then well, you can see it from space.

The communities I've found have been very male centric. Even the resources that exist think of women like me as, and this is a direct quote from a clinics website, "irrelevantly rare". Women in these spaces are basically forced to rub elbows with misogynistic, antifeminist men because feminists have made it clear we aren't welcome.

I am a question mark. I'm always open to one day feeling the right way. But my best friend, who I met through one of these communities, has known this about herself since puberty. The idea that pedos just can't get someone their own age is especially painful for her experience, because like all women, she deals with sexual harassment and unwanted attention from men. She's my friend and I refuse to abandon her, even if it turns out I'm not the same as her. I would actually rather die than betray my friends when they are suffering.

Since this all began, I have seen countless testimonies from female exclusive pedophiles (meaning ones like my friend who feel nothing for adults and in my opinion fit the model of queer refusal of men I discuss above) and I would characterize them with despair, desperation, depression, alienation, rage, and a belief in ones inherent inferiority. I simply refuse to cosign these beliefs in other women based on thoughts and feelings they cannot help.

I'm not sure where this leaves me and you guys. I accept whatever happens to me as a result of posting this. I will add the following disclaimers: in addition to all of this I do also have maternal/auntlike instincts, and my feelings about my own niece or the kids of friends on here are purely aunt feelings. When I first confessed all of this to Ted his response was initialy that my feelings for children were normal, and that i just lacked attraction to adults, but the thing is most people seem to think that asexuality isn't a real orientation, so I'm not sure what that would make my orientation. But again: i simply refuse to betray my best friend.

I wonder what the price of honesty will be...but in my opinion, the truth is priceless. I do not know what you are all going to do to me after this post, but whatever you do is up to you. It's 100% your choice. I'm sorry for lying to you all by omission the past few years, and you don't have to accept my apology. I don't know what I'd do in your position. But I don't really know what I'd do in my position either, I guess this.

[for82sy]

i need to rant and please don’t ignore all my posts, please pay attention to them.

warning : // homophobia, bullying, r4p3, assault, and a few things.

1), i feel like people don’t understand that i have a hard time liking men and being w men. when i say, i can’t get used to it, they think it’s a joke. they think i’m “joking” when i say, i cannot feel comfortable around them. every time i always think they’re gonna hurt me or beat me up.

2), i also feel like no one is listening to me. i can’t feel attracted to men. i can’t imagine myself having a boyfriend. i can’t picture myself being friends with them. i can’t do ONE thing without thinking negatively. i know not all men are like this and i am NOT generalising them either, it’s just that since i’m severely bullied by most of them, i get really scared thinking they’ll hurt me.

3), due to issues, i don’t understand the difference between sexual attraction and romantic attraction. i know this is stupid but im really confused and i have hard times understanding stuff so im just really ugh. i am sure i identify as aroace bc i just don’t like the attraction and it feels disgusting to me.

4), when boys have a crush on me, i get a ick really quick. when most boys would go up to me and say they got a “crush” on me, i fr cant tell if they’re being fr or lying. most of them don’t even say they’re serious but next thing I know, they talk shit and say horrid things about me. and most of that counts as s3xųal bullying (?) cause they harass me everywhere, hurt me, give me bruises, etc. this is why i cannot imagine myself w a man. i’m frightened.

5), when they act all sweet or when i reject them. if one comes up to me and i say no. they get all angry and start saying “you’re so [remark on how i look]” or “i never liked you anyway [horrid name]”. most of them call me that cause apparently i identify as neurodivergent. even worse. they knew about it somehow???”

6), i HATE how i can’t be w men. i get sometimes board when i only like girls and wish I can ditch labels but I don’t FEEL like that. yesterday, I went hotel and saw this white boy who was attractive. lesbians can find men attractive without wanting to date them right? you know when the realisation hits you cause you can’t feel like that cause that isn’t who you are.

7). i want male validation ofc but i identify as sapphic cause i only like women. but how to become friends w a man without having to feel like you wanna date him but that’s truly how you don’t feel? yeah. pain. comphet is getting my ass 😹

8). i am currently planning to stay single forever. i literally cannot handle myself being scared w men. what happened to me? i used to feel so comfortable w them but the bullying... 😕 + i’ve seen how women get abused and rap3d which scares me even worse. i’ve been sexually touched before by a man and at that same night, i dreamed of being rap3d. for no reason. deadass.

so when that my irls be saying, “you turned yourself gay”, “your fault”, la la la, it ain’t my fault. fuck them and tell them to fix up.

but end of my rant, thank you for listening to all that racket 😹 .

#lgbtqplus #lgbtq community #lgbtq #girls who love girls #asexual #lesbian #sapphic #lgbtqiia+ #bisexual #pansexual #non binary #and I still gotta rely on unattainable men to convince my attraction. i can’t stop forcing myself to be with men #i cannot accept im different too. i really wanna cry sometimes because i just wanna feel comfortable.. #since my so-called “supportive” mom and family outed me #mislabeled me #misgendered me #cussed me for my sexuality and said “you gotta try it out w man” just know you don’t HAVE to #if you want to know if you’re gay #you don’t have to. just like how ppl don’t have to kiss ppl of same-sex or a different gender to know if they’re bi #or to have sex w someone to know if you liked it w a straight man !!!!! #but man i’m seen as a disgrace #im not suprised lmfao 😹 #wish i was normal #and cishet

[bag-of-queer-musketeers]

hey u were asking why people might identify as a bi lesbian (im sending anon ask bc im scared of exclus) i use bi lesbian because my gender and sexuality are both very fluid and so sometimes im very much non-binary/agender and sometimes im much more boy (and when i feel more boy i tend to feel more comfortable just saying im bi or gay not lesbian) and also as an enby person i wanna emphasis my attraction to non-binary people.

I don't think I was the one asking, rather responding to someone else, but this response is much appreciated! There are numerous reasons to identify as a bi lesbian, and these are just some of them.

#asks #bi lesbian

[adrenalinesaint]

I'm late to the party, but I never thought I'd see the headcanon that Granny Keeny was a lesbian but externalized her internalized misogyny too much to act on it from anyone else but me

*EDIT:

it also explains SOME of the weird gendery-wendery abuse i hc her putting onto jon as a kid. she had different expectations for him bc he was a boy -- although thats not to say that if he were a girl she would have been any kinder to him.

im talkin stuff like “all men only think about sex and how they can control a woman and you’re no different” that sorta thing, BECAUSE THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN HOW SHE EXPERIENCED EXTREMELY RELIGIOUS SOUTHERN MEN FROM THE 50s. This is not exclusively because she was gay but also just because she was a woman in the time period she was in. HOWEVER, being gay did have something to do with it too. It’s both. SHE OBVIOULSY HAD OTHER REASONS FOR BEING TERRIBLE IN THE VARIOUS OTHER WAYS SHE WAS TERRIBLE. HOWEVER THIS HEADCANON PERTAINS SOLELY TO HER SEXUALITY, AS THAT WAS THE SUBJECT OF THIS ASK.

i think bc shes already a very hateful person and defaults to lashing out at the world around her instead of looking inward, her conflicted feelings abt being sexually attracted to women instead of men (like the bible tells her she should be) would manifest in a heady cocktail of both misandry and misogyny. BY THIS, I MEAN UNIQUE EXPECTATIONS FOR BOTH BINARY GENDERS BASED OFF PRE-EXISTING TOXIC GENDER ROLES. I USE THE TERMS MISANDRY AND MISOGYNY BECAUSE OF THE FACT THIS TOXICITY SURROUNDS THE SUBJECT OF GENDER.

but yes the reason why she refused to ever come to terms w her gayness was definitely because woman bad BECAUSE PATRIARCHY TOLD HER THAT. moving from the 50s into the 60s and 70s, too, she would have watched American culture get more and more saturated with the images of sexually-charged women in media getting more and more naked as time went on. and then imagine her dealing with Jonathan’s horror fixation in the late 70s, him literally consuming media about lesbian vampires.

jon never knew it, but the fact that he was always into counterculture was a constant reminder of that weird feeling she had in her gut that she’d never be able to identify as her hidden queerness.

based headcanon is based, imo

#.ooc #Anonymous #a version for those who insist on sending in multiple asks after being ignored #edits are made clear

[swordmaid]

how did you come to the conclusion that “ok i’m lesbian”? bc i’m really into girls and not so much into guys but at the same time i don’t feel a 100% confident in saying okay i identify as a lesbian, so, how was that for you?

it took me a while and tbh, there are times where i still question myself if im really a lesbian or im just saying this for whatever reason , etc. 

but i used to think i was ace when i was younger since whenever my friends would talk abt boys and their crushes, i wouldn’t relate. and whenever i had guy friends who confessed that they like me, i would just get SO uncomfortable like my skin feels like it’s writhing (might be an exaggeration, but i seriously feel like i get the hives) and i don’t want to be near them anymore. like i’ve broken off friendships just bc of this tbh --- and just the thought of men seeing me in that particular light makes me SO uncomfortable. i don’t want them to see me in that way or even think about me in that way. it just feels so disgusting??? like im so repulsed and i dont think there’s a part in my past that triggered such a thought but i just feels like that for me. and funny thing is i USED to think that was a normal thing bc of the ‘you hate something bc you love it’ kind of phrase and i used to think that was why i was reacting like that but no !! attraction is supposed to make you feel good !! its supposed to be good but NONE of that makes me feel good !!! but on the other hand, attraction w/ women feels good for me. i don’t feel disgusted or repulsed or any of that thought but rather, the opposite. like, i WANT a girl to see me in that way and i don’t feel sickened at ALL.

like it took me so long to accept that i was a lesbian as well !! so many years of like , self-reflecting and talking to people and reading up stuff to sit myself down and be like, okay, you’re into men and i don’t think you’ll ever be into men. you like women and thats okay !! but just remember that sexuality IS a spectrum and how you’ll feel know might be different to how you’ll feel later, but if you think you’re a lesbian, and if calling yourself that makes you feel safe and good then call yourself that tbh !! no one can judge you or tell you that you’re right or wrong since you’re the only one who knows and feel your attraction to people. and if you find somewhere down the road that you’re not really one, then that’s okay too! since we’re all figuring ourselves out and just bc you’re in this one category doesnt mean you have to say there. and at the same vein, if you don’t want to refer to yourself as gay, lesbian, bi, etc - if you don’t want any of that labels then that’s alright too

#sorry this got lengthy but i hope it somewhat helps ! #honestly its only recently that ive started embracing my sexuality. ive questioned myself + reflected SO much in the past #anonymous

[lizardl0ver43]

is it confirmed that cris is bi and not a lesbian? bc unless it's confirmed im gonna go ahead and read this all as "she is a lesbian/experiencing comp het" bc thats how it seems 2 me, especially bc they decided 2 adapt isak's storyline. . . like idk its kind of sus how she realllly doesnt seem interested in boys at all to me but yall r going out of the way to repeatedly say she is BI and NOT a LESBIAN

like correct me if im wrong, and shes confirmed bi, but. . . it's not "bi erasure" to read her as gay, since unlike other instances of actual bi erasure, we wouldn't be ignoring any meaningful relationships she's had with a man. . . because she hasn't had any lol, we actually didn't know that much about her character until this season. and esp with all the parallels to isak's season, and the fact that lots of lesbians have had similar experiences (like, the whole, oh, im not gay, i just am not interested in dating any boys or falling in love. . . i'm, for reasons mysterious and unknown to everyone around me, not into this sweet guy who has a crush on me, and i explain it away as not liking commitment. . . and i hook up with boys to keep up an appearance of being a "party girl" but im usually drunk and it doesnt mean anything to me. . . and my friends pressure me immensely to date this boy so i will even though im so not into him that even he can see it. . . and being with this girl is a super stark contrast to being with him. . . and i google "do i have a crush?" as if ive never experienced butterflies around anyone else before, and "am i a lesbian?" etc. etc.)

im not saying she's def not bi, or that she can't be interpreted that way, but why are we so hell bent on making sure no one identifies with her as a lesbian?

#cris peña #skam españa #cris x joana

[hotshotshitshow]

i guess just because ive been on a roll lately and also oversharing is my lifelong passion i want to verbal diarrhea a lil bit about my own experience of coming to the conclusion that im a lesbian so pls feel free to ignore if u want or whatever i just have Lots Of Thoughts and i just want to get them out. this gets sort of weirdly long winded and shouty and ranty so im sorry. catharsis!

even now i still feel some level of .... idk? shame? regret? i dunno. about the fact that i didnt come to the conclusion that i was a lesbian until i was 25 bc that feels so late to me even though i know for a fact that there are countless other people who came to similar realizations about themselves when they were much older than me.

and ngl there is even a little bit of envy that there are so many kids so much younger than me who seem so sure of their identities (even though i know there are loads of kids who arent sure!!!) and there are moments where i catch myself thinking of myself as “less of a lesbian” because i didnt allow myself to face the fact that i was one until fairly recently ..... and i am still learning so much and trying to cultivate my own identity and just all around see myself as “less experienced” (whatever the fuck thats supposed to mean) than others which undoubtedly is a part of the massive chasm that all my self confidence gets sucked into daily.

but like obviously its not like just BOOM one day i was like “from here on out i am a lesbian now!!!!!!! :)” bc even from a very young age i was always more drawn to women and could not wrap my head around the idea that someday i would have to marry a man and completely idealized my mom’s best friend who was a big burly woman who drove a truck and wore flannels and knew that i wanted to be just like her when i grew up and never ever marry a dude (which in retrospect was sort of weird because my mom usually hates women like that and i grew up with her periodically warning me to “stay away from fucking dykes theyre mean awful ugly women”)

and then the always confusing for everyone period of middle school where i dated a boy for three days before breaking it off because the whole situation gave me more anxiety than i could deal with but i just chalked it up to me being an emotionally immature teen but also being completely obsessed with my best girl friend and wanting to impress her and have her attention all the time and being unable to understand why i was so upset when she started dating some  guy and me just assuming that i was upset because i had a crush on him that id never realized i had before

and then id go home and spend hours online looking up content for my favorite shoujo-ai anime ships and talking with other wlw on the gaiaonline guild forums and asking them questions about how you knew if you were gay or not and if liking almost exclusively girl/girl ships meant you were gay and only being told in response “plenty of heterosexual girls like girl/girl ships!! youre the only one who can tell if youre gay or not!! :)” and just feeling completely confused and alone and having no idea what to think!!!! and then having one day that i remember very specifically where i had a shining moment of clarity for all of half an hour where i thought “i AM a lesbian!!!” and feeling so happy in that moment before my brain took over with the thoughts of “but what if you come across one particular guy sometime...... can’t rule out that possibility” but i knew i really wanted to be a lesbian but just could not allow myself to think i was one

and then fast forwarding up to undergrad where i briefly dated an online guy friend (hi) for like. a month? and then abruptly breaking that off in the worst way possible because i had no fucking clue what i was doing and once again chalked it all up to being emotionally immature and from that moment out identified as aromantic because i figured there was something fucking wrong with me and romance was just not something i could do!!!!! and thinking there was absolutely no fucking way i could be a lesbian and it was completely not even remotely an option because there were certain aesthetic things about men that i appreciated and also never once having had a “proper crush” on anyone or at least not one that i could identify because everyone always talked about love feeling like fireworks and something big and id never felt that for anyone ever so obviously that meant i was incapable of love!!!! so i shoved the whole notion of trying to figure myself out way way way down and didnt look at it for years afterwards 

until i got into graduate school and for some fucking reason my brain decided it was time to dig all that old shit back up and i SUDDENLY COULD NOT STOP THINKING ABOUT IT AGAIN SCREAMS. and feeling more attracted to women than ever even though i always knew that i liked women 

and i still couldnt entertain the idea that i might be a lesbian because even though id been in a very happy relationship with beansly for a few years at that point and knew for a fact i was not aromantic there was still that thought of “Ok But What If You Meet One Guy Sometime”

and this sounds dumb as fuck but it wasnt until beansly straight up told me “if i had to label you id think you were a lesbian” that my brain went “what if theyre right” (TO WHICH I IMMEDIATELY WENT NOPE but acknowledged that the fact that they called me that made me feel really really good) (but kept thinking about that and kept bringing it back up to myself and ruminating over and over and over it) and then even more dumb as fuck i couldnt admit it to myself until i saw a fucking tumblr post that had something to the effect of “a common thing for lesbians who dont know theyre lesbians yet is that they really want to be a lesbian. its ok to be a lesbian” AND THEN I FUCKING CRIED LIKE A LITTLE FUCKING BABY AND HID UNDER MY BLANKIES but the fucking relief and validation my dude but then being presented with a whole new heap of Problems such as “how the fuck do i come out to people. everyone will think i am faking and Not Enough” and just having to deal with the struggle of owning that label and allowing myself to feel good about it and not let my brain convince me that i am somehow unworthy. and i am completely worthy because i love women and not men and thats the one fucking qualification i need to meet so my brain can go fuck itself into oblivion. ive spent so much time worrying over how much of myself i owe to men and holding myself back for a man that does not exist and will never exist and part of why i keep excitedly bringing up the fact that im a huge fucking lesbian is because in my mind its a huge testament to my personal progress and taking ownership over myself and no longer holding myself back over hypotheticals

so yeah anyway at the end of the day i still have so much more growing i need to do and i still see myself as a small shakey little chihuahua with a big mouth but i am a damn stronger person than i was even a year ago!!!! and learning that your attraction and what label you identify with is supposed to make you feel good was one of the best things i ever learned. i just really wish i could have had the self awareness or at least resources that i have now when i was younger and could have figured it out a little sooner. i know it doesnt make me “lesser” and technically i am still a very young person and have my whole life ahead of me but. idk i just wish id had it in me to be more honest with myself sooner. idk how other people can be so sure of themselves when they are so much younger. that just wasnt me i guess

#so i made a post about it

[lullabyvixie]

I have a question if it's okay? Okay so im an ace lesbian but i had (have?) a crush on a certain male celebrity and i jsut don't know if it's platonic or romantic? Anyway, i've been like,,,imagining him as my platonic caregiver cause it's comforting to me but is that weird?? Like if i find myself in a bad/scary situation i imagine him there and idk it feels weird and it makes me feel invalid as a lesbian.

Hi friend!! Advice regarding sexuality is my favourite and is always welcome!! So it’s never a bother and thank you for coming to me. although some of this may be slightly biased as part of the way I answer advice asks is a little through personal experience, so if you feel like you need a second (or 3rd or 4th) opinion gopher it!

There’s several things to consider but I wanna start off by saying that regardless of what you feel, how you want to identify is completely up to you and if you want to call yourself a lesbian, you go right ahead and do it. If the term feels wrong though, there are other terms you could use like homoflexible/lesbiflexible, bisexual, pansexual, etc. If you do or don’t decide to change your label, calling yourself a lesbian isn’t any less valid. Sexuality can be very fluid and change over time with your feelings and thoughts. Sexuality is something that grows with you. My best advice is really don’t read too much into it, but I know that’s also easier said than done and if you’re anything like me you like an exact reason for why things are the way the are. Which of course I myself cannot give you, but maybe these few ideas will help you to understand and figure yourself out a little better.

Compulsory heterosexuality:Comp Het is the idea that becomes imbedded into your brain from a young age through heteronormativity. The idea that little girls will grow up to find strong husbands and raise lots of babies. Or the idea that little boys will grow up to be lady killers. All the little, seemingly harmless, things that are said in your life all add up and sit in the back of your brain. You may very well lean completely to one side of the spectrum and be 100% gay, yet still feel the need to have heterosexual crushes because you’ve been brought up under the impression that that’s what’s right. It’s especially common with celebrities or “unreachable” figures, because it’s easy to be less uncomfortable because you can feel like you have a crush on them, but be comforted by the idea that you would never have to act on it. One of the ways I personally can decipher between comp het attraction and genuine romantic attraction is by running through a list of romantic actions and whether or not I’d be comfortable with doing them with said person. This is different for every person but for me it’s along the lines of “could I kiss this person? Could I be around this person (alone) for extended periods of time without becoming uncomfortable? Could I be physically romantic with them, cuddling, holding hands, etc?

Platonic/aesthetic attraction:Feelings are confusing and for a lot of people it’s hard to decipher between actually being romantically attracted to people or just finding their personalities or appearance appealing, but not necessarily wanting to build a relationship with them. For me, I can find guys attractive, to an extent I can hold a friendship with guys, and I can even have certain “platonic” crushes on guys where I find their sense of humour or their interests appealing and I’ll desperately want to be friends with them and invite them to be an important part of my life. Even if that part isn’t necessarily romantic. Deciphering between romantic attraction or platonic attraction is fairly similar to deciphering between comp het and romantic attraction, so see above.

There are other things that could be considered such as intrusive thoughts, or you being attracted to the idea of them being a carer and naturally associating that with a relationship bc of the intimate nature of carer/regressor dynamics, but I don’t really know you well enough to say whether or not those are plausible factors.

Lastly, it could just be romantic attraction. Which is okay. Like I said, sexuality is fluid and it will change with you. If you think you really really like this person, that is okay. It doesn’t make you a bad person or invalid how you’ve felt or invalid other lesbians. There’s no right or wrong way to experience attraction (if anyone says brings up p3do’s here I will be mad you know that’s not what I mean) and if you like someone, it’s okay to like them.

#ask

[ghostsandbestfriends]

hey so I have a serious thing to say, for once. Um so recently i've been struggling with my sexuality and i don't know my sexuality and i've waited to just be like "oh well i'll just wait and see who i get crushes on" but i don't know what it's like and im pretty sure i've never had a crush on anyone. How did you figure out your sexuality?

(for context, i’m AFAB even though i identify as male now)

Growing up i felt SO MUCH PRESSURE to like boys, but when i was like 10 my best friend moved away and i started spending a lot of time online. i found out that its possible for girls to like girls and i was like oh shit the gay. for a while i thought i was just gay but i was really uncomfortable with the lesbian label and i didn’t know why. a little bit after i started 7th grade my new best friend came out to me as bi and i didn’t know that was a thing until then. around christmas time that year (2014) i realized i was trans and that was so hard for me to accept because i still thought i was only into girls and i didn’t wanna be straight lmao. for a while i ID’d as pan but it wasn’t until like early sophomore year (last year) that i settled on the bi label. i’m much more comfortable with bi than pan for some reason, even though i really don’t care much about gender. it took a while for me to be okay with liking boys because i felt like i was just faking being trans and i was actually straight ~~blah blah identity crisis bc im bpd as fuck~~ but eventually i came to terms with it.

in short, i realized i just like who i like that’s the end of it. it’s okay to only like one thing, or two things, or all things! i think a lot of people put so much weight on labels but it’s really important to just take your time and eventually you’ll find something you connect with -f

#anon #ask #important #f

[ximtryingherex-blog]

i was supposed to be laying in bed but i forgot my tumblr password so i had to come sit in this cold uncomfortable computer chair to log into tumblr and see if i can remember what it is but i decided its night and i hada thought earlier and its quite a thought so im gonn a telly ou about it so story time!

i identify as nonbinary and will take any pronouns, but i am uncomfortable being shoved into the category of female; i was a huge tomboy from about fourth to sixth grade and then i tried to push femininity onto myself in seventh grade and stuff but whatevER THAT DOESNT MAYYER HERE@! the beginning of this school year i was home schooled so i was like yoo this is nice i dont have to like... be anxious in a social space AND explain that gender binaries aren’t for everyone! but alas i was kicked out of homeschooling because I’m A Lazy Shit. anyways i was put into the closest public school (which was an ok experience nothing rly special but not bad) and was like crap ok i should be fine right? i mean. i was mostly fine. but there was this girl i used to know from like years before, she just sorta disappeared one day and whoomp here she is again!

im gonna call this girl hanna bc i didnt know of any people there named hanna. so basically i was like yo hanna didnt we like.. know each other before and she was like holy crap is that you? you look so... different?? and i was like uh yeah and she was like wow ok so yeah school was chill. this boy one day came up to me during third period and introduced himself and i introduced myself and all that stuff and we like hit it off and i was like omg i get queer vibes and theyre cute? pls tell me im right and during lunch that day i cracked a gay joke and BAM that sets it in stone we are friends and we are gay and wowowow this is great! i later learn that he is out to a number of people in the school as trans and stuff and so people learn that im hanging out with this “girlboy” (i got mad every time someone said something like that abt him and still do bc i love this boy a lot ok?) and were like omg you’re (his birthname’s) friend! wow that’s so cool and stuff but then he had to leave after like two weeks bc he was going to another school and then i was alone again but yeah, school went on, i spent most of my time alone, reading in the library bc i had no friends, nor did i wish to make any friends because i had barely gotten into this school and all the friend groups and cliques seemed to be established but every once in a while the library helpers, including hanna, included me in their activities and then things got uncomfortable

once i was walking out of the locker room and there was this group of girls, including hanna, who were just talking, then as i passed by them they were like hey you! are you a girl? and then someone else came in and was like why are you asking that?! that’s rude and then hanna came in and said obviously she’s a girl, she has boobs. yeah that wasn’t cool.

anyways ever since then, i felt really uncomfortable around hanna for obvious reasons! and after realizing i never responded to the person asking if i were a girl, it was almost like she was trying to figure me out! there were a few rumors of me being a lesbian going around the little social circles in the classes i had and like i didn’t care but things just felt really off

basically she kept making small comments abt how im a girl and there were other girls who were telling me i would look so much prettier with long hair (more on that later) and then one day, one dysphoric day, i almost cried in the locker room.

i was later than usual to last period because i had to finish up a test for sixth period, so i changed out and stuff when most of the girls were out of the locker room. however, as i was walking out to get to roll call, Hanna randomly tapped my shoulder and looked at me straight in the eyes. She was blank faced but her eyes glinted with something, like she had accomplished something. She stated, her voice low but her tone clear, “I caught you. You’re a girl.” Ever since then, I had massive anxiety whenever changing out because our lockers were practically next to each other and I always felt watched. It was horrible, and ever since then, I try my best to just avoid “public private” areas. I literally felt like throwing up and crying that moment and for the rest of the week.

[gsjdoagwiabdiwiq]

ugh not to be fucked on main [lol this is the furthest thing from main] but like i dont understand attraction. ive been alive for almost 24 years and i dont know why people are attracted to others or how they define it or what they mean. as well as my own attraction. and it seems like everybody out there knows this shit already. and it’s like in school everyone figured it out and i guess i did not. i dont know if what i identified as a crush was a crush or not. i dont know anything and i hate not knowing anything. because if i dont know it i can’t name it. and i would like to be able to name it. but how do you name it if you've never tried it? and like am i just too emotionally stunted to understand like emotional relationships? so then fast forward a year to my moving to ohio and i just dont even know bc i went to orientation and like there was this girl and i just could suddenly picture like dating her and i dont know why bc i generally like didnt hang around dateable men [ie taken or gay] or just like holding hands or whatever which is weird and she came over to talk to me first bc i was what? eating alone. and the first thing i noticed was her eyes looked like rami maleks who i was like presently a little obsessed with as i had just seen borhap. and like it would like make so much sense you know if the reason i didnt date or get asked out or that i only hooked up in dark drunk places was bc i wasnt actually interested in men. but like what the fuck is attraction bc i dont understand it. what makes u attracted to one gender or sex over the other. why does it matter. is it because you like having some things stunk in you but not others? is it bc you like certain extremities but not others? at what point does it matter? is that the main point of attraction is what sex feature you have? and why is that ? is it bc of what society has ingrained in us? like what’s the difference between kissing a clean shaven man and a small chested woman? i dont know . that’s like kind of the whole point of this. and the other thing is that like if i am attracted to men which what does that even mean? and women, why haven't i been in a relationship or been talking with someone? and if i am not attracted to men, what does that mean? like was it all bc of society? and then like if i am just attracted to women, and i dont know that i am, which is what i do not appreciate. why is it still a mystery?? like everyone figures their shit out in high school. but not me. not me. and if i am attracted to women, what does that even look like? what kinds of attraction have i missed bc i just ignored it? and then people talk about crushes and shit and how you’re suppose to get nervous around people you like but that never really happened to me so again what the fuck is wrong with me? and like maybe it’s just the gay people that i know that are like just very expressive- ie theatre, drag, etc that there is like a more subtle way of being that i just have not ever seen before. and the thing is i dont know. i look at the check lists of what makes you gay or bi and i check off a good amount always. but like this is the one thing in like that is just you are the only one who can say what’s what. you can't take a test no one can point and say yes or no or whatever. and it’s really fucking annoying bc all i want is to know aht i am. but i focused on school in school and i didnt talk about boys or anything with my main friend group. cut to today when one is engaged, one is a lesbian and in a relationship, and the last one is in a relationship as well. and here i am, me, where i have never been in a relationship, the last time i saw people from my hometown i refused to admit that i even drank bc we were still underage and it’s just like . i dont know. ive always been either closed off with people i know or very open. and i just want to know. like how do people just know this and understand their attraction??? i am very confused. 

  like my history goes like this: nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing my best friend of 11 years moves away and my other friend asks me in 4th grade who i have a crush on and i said i didnt bc i had never thought about it i just happened to miss my best friend who moved across the country a lot. and so she assumed it was him and i sort of agreed and i still dont really understand that whole premise. and then in the 7th grade i guess i was flirting with this kid in my chorus class who happened to be popular and i just thought it was cool bc he was popular but idk. anyways he asks me to the dance and without thinking about it i say no. and i dont know why. i later chalked it up to if i liked someone and was public about that i wouldn't be seen as serious about school granted i hadn't even gotten my period yet so whatever. anyways i guess around the same time this new kid moved to town and he was like a pit of a nerd but like a cool nerd very suave and stuff and i was like he seems attainable at least i think that’s what i thought . and we were in a lot of the same classes thought hs and we lived like a cauldesac away from each other but im pretty sure he never liked me at least not like that. and then he asked my friend and i if we would be cool if he asked our other friend to prom of course bc i dont talk about this shit i say yes . and then you know whatever they go. senior year he asks another friend to prom and the two biggest nerds in school ask my other two friends [including the one he went with the previous year] and one of them says yes. and maybe it was bc i didnt take ap physics but like even after one got rejected i wasn't asked. not that i would have wanted to go but at that point it’s like wow no one really sees you as anything outside of school. and so cut to college when i had never done anything wrong -drank drugs ect or done anything intimate with anyone. i didnt even [still dont] really like hugs [well i reserve them for a very small very very small number of people. affection and attraction have always been very odd for me. but i go to college and first semester i dontdrink bc its against the law. but spring semester i do and i go to parties. and i think that even though i was living in the honors dorm i had some pretty cool friends. and so heck were starting fresh and ive told them all of it more or less. but anyways. ive decided that i need to kiss a boy. and so i think i chickened out a few times. but in march i finally made out with some rando from another school named chris. and it was fine. i think it was cool to be so close to another person and all that and i think i enjoyed. or something bc that became the goal everytime i went out to a frat type place. and i did. well enough times that i got mono during finals week so that was really fun. and i wasnt ready to have sex until the summer before jr year. and i finally again met a rando at a party and i dont know why people want me. like am i skinny enough that my personality doesn't matter or is it that when i get drunk im cool enough that my uggo face doesn't matter. or is it dark enough that just me being open to it matters. so we go to my apartment and fuck and it’s fine. right like i think it here maybe but it wasnt bad. it wasnt life changing or anything. but like it really wasnt bad. so i guess you could call me easy or a hoe. i dont really care about that stuff. like i will hoe around if i want to hoe around. but then there were these three guys who like i actually kind of knew. one of them was soph yr when i attempted a blowjob but either he was not getting it up or i was so bad or it was too small i dont know. either way that didnt work. but we had actually hooked up and by hooked up i mean made out once before.then there was this kid who i swiped on on tumblr who i knew was from my law class but i dont think he ever found out who i was and i may have stalked him a little bit from my job at the bookstore to find out more about him. but it was mostly let me try to hook up with not a total rando. and the fist time was fine except for me leaving when all his roommates/friends watched me leave. and we had like been snapping which i still dont really understand. but the second time i went over he was like u should stay over but it was st patty day eve and u know how that is. but i was like fine bc i had been declining bc i was busy before. anyways he didnt have a condom but me being responsible did. except then he couldn't uh ‘get it up’ which is just really annoying but i dont know why it was. if it was the condom issue or my small titties or what. and then there was my friends roommate. who we had chatted for a little while and then it died and then he chatted me up in the summer and there were some transit issues him being outside the city and me not driving or understanding the parking at my apt. but anyways. we made out for a while and then he fingered me which i still dont idk. but like then he was like do you want to have sex and i was all i dont care what do you want and it was very that so in the end i was just like lets do it. bc at that point i thought you were just supposed to do it all in a hook up and maybe im a slut i dont care. but either way. again if it was my small kitties or my insistence on a condom or that weird back and forth he also just like couldn't do it. so i think that was the last time i made out with someone. i did go on one date but that just uh was a bust. maybe bc im bad at it.

[rainbowderpturtle]

thoughts on labels n stuff bc i just wanna get it out of my head

i want to sit everyone in the world down and fucking grab their face and tell them over and over again that labels are for people to label themselves and nothing else. labels are for people to identify themselves with a community of people with the same experiences, and not, as any decade old myspace icon will tell you, for other people to categorize and stuff them into boxes and stereotypes

like, nothing exists, ever, it’s all made up, all words? all words, ever? dont exist, my dude, theyre fucking fake, humans made it all up, it means nothing. words mean nothing in the vacuum of space. the heat death of the universe will destroy all concepts ever, in time. so it has been foretold.

this is why people who find freedom in refusing to define themselves get pissed when someone calls em gay or trans or whatever. this is why people who loudly identify as queer get pissed when other people ask them to elaborate. it doesn’t fucking matter, nothing matters, everything is fake, literally what difference does it make in your life deborah which meaningless mouthsound i use to describe my fake abstract concept that doesn’t exist. it means nothing, deborah

this is also why people who strongly identify with labels and find comfort in those communities get pissed when people shy away from those words. it’s why people say no, she isn’t lgbt poc, she can’t be all of them at once, she’s a black lesbian. those are the words she has chosen to represent herself with. lesbian, not queer, not gay, she chose lesbian, that’s her word.

labels are for people to label themselves, and nothing else x2!!!! ive seen so many people like “dont say queer is a slur!!! its been reclaimed!!! ur erasing queer history!!!!” and its like, yeah, it has been reclaimed, it is a huge part of lgbt history, but that doesnt mean everyone has to identify with it. even a thousand years from now when we’re all robots and gayness isnt even a controversial thing anymore, there will always be someone who fits the definition of queer but chooses not to use it bc they had a bad experience with it or whatever

labels are for people to label themselves, and nothing else x3!!!! ive seen so many people like “uhhh neoliberals are calling everything queer when it’s other things, or calling ppl queer when they have been victims of hate crimes involving the word queer, nobody use it ever again,” and like dude. i wouldnt say faggot is reclaimed but theres certainly ppl who identify w/ that word. u cant tell other ppl how to identify. point out whats wrong w/ that usage and just move on with ur life pal, dont try to make queer ppl feel like shit for not identifying w/ The Four Accepted Words: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender.....the whole goddamn point of the lgbt acceptance movement is that all this sexuality and gender nonsense is fake and nothing matters, being cool to ur fellow human beings costs $0.00 deborah, who gives a fuck

like, i like boys, ive also liked a girl or two before, and i have pretty low interest in actively dating and sexing. i could easily identify as gay, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, any of those things? i could fit the definition of them ?? ?? ??? but i’m the only one who is capable of deciding which one(s) actually apply to me, and no one else in the fucking world gets a say at ALL ?? ?? ??????

this usually comes up when talking about characters or historical figures and its like....... everybody just be cool. use the words they used to describe themselves. if they had no words, just describe them as a dude who likes boys or whatever. or that sga mlm sapphic shit, WHATEVER. or if they/their creators are dead, fuckin call em whatever u want, who cares, theyre not gonna fuckin hear it n get mad, just keep in mind that the world is pudding and nothing matters because everything is fake

ive sorta ran outta steam now bc im hungry but anyway in conclusion i’m gay and queer and ppl piss me off all the time bc for some reason we as a species still can’t grasp the idea that other people exist

#timetotext