#and when people don't have anything to say it upsets me because i always have something to say about my art i can talk a lot about it

[sanguineterrain]

Hey, I love your writing, your Jason fics are always so tender and authentic

I was wondering if you would write something where Reader is pulled aside by someone and asked whether they're in danger (since Jason is pretty big and intimidating) and later they laugh it off because they find it absurd but it gets to Jason and perhaps brings some insecurities to the surface

this is actually devastating!!! thank you for requesting 🤌

jason todd x gn!reader. tw: wrongly assumed abuse and jason being gutted at the idea, hurt/comfort, reassurance, estab relationship.

****

"Chocolate is obviously superior."

Jason sighs, flopping against the diner booth dramatically. "What a shame to be so wrong. Vanilla stays on top."

"Vanilla is boring as hell, Jay," you say, throwing your napkin at him. He catches it. Of course. "On the milkshake hierarchy, vanilla is barely a step above whatever monstrosity a peppermint bark shake is."

"Buddy, I happen to like drinking toothpaste." He points a finger at you. "And that's my God-given right."

"It's an abomination is what it is." You take a long, pointed sip of your shake. "Mm, the taste of good choices."

Jason traps both of your legs between his under the table. You gasp and try to wiggle free, but his strength is merciless.

"If it's an abomination, why is it on the menu?" he asks, grinning as you squirm.

"Well, what else are they meant to serve you freaks?"

Jason gently tugs you forward by your legs. He leans over the table. You meet him halfway.

"This freak appreciates the thought," he says and kisses you.

He tastes like vanilla shake. It's not what you'd order, but you really don't mind kissing it off of Jason's mouth. Funny how that works.

He pulls away and releases your legs, then scoots out of the booth.

"Gonna take care of business. Don't drink my incredibly irresistible shake."

"I'll certainly try," you say, looking up at him with what are undoubtedly giant heart eyes.

Jason disappears to the restrooms. You drink your shake and focus on trying to craft the straw wrapper into a snake.

You're close to shaping it when a woman comes up to your table. You've never seen her in your life.

"Uh, hi," you say. "Can I help you?"

She glances around the diner before leaning down.

"Hey. Look, if you're... in need of someplace safe, there's a great shelter downtown."

Your brows rise. "I'm sorry?"

"I was in your shoes once too," she says, eyes wide. "You don't have to rely on a guy to get you on your feet. Especially someone like him."

You shake your head slowly. "I... what? I don't understand. The man I'm with, he's my boyfriend."

She looks skeptical. You turn to face her fully, because now you're properly bewildered.

"Uh, I appreciate that you're looking out for people, and I know stuff you're referring to is everywhere in Gotham. But I promise I'm okay."

"I know physical intimidation is scary—"

"Whoa." You hold up a hand. "Just because he's a big guy doesn't mean he's throwing me around. He's the gentlest man you'll ever meet. I love him and he loves me. No one is in danger."

The woman's mouth pinches. You don't even have it in you to be upset. You've never once felt afraid of Jason. But you forget how he looks to others, how he's twice or triple most people's size and covered in scars.

"Here's the number to the shelter," she says, slipping the paper under the salt shaker. "In case you change your mind."

She hurries out the door before you can respond. You stare at the card, then shrug. You suppose, if anything, you're happy there are still good Samaritans in Gotham.

Presently, Jason returns. He purposely makes his footsteps heard because of the countless times you've lectured him about scaring the shit out of you due to his habit of going stealth mode without realizing.

"Hello, dearest," he says. "I've returned from war."

"My hero. Did you wash your hands in battle?"

Jason slides into the booth and sticks his hand in your face. "Smell 'em and rejoice, baby."

You take his hand and give it a deep sniff. It indeed smells like soap. Not that you ever doubted your boyfriend's handwashing capabilities.

"Smells like... wrong opinions about milkshakes," you say, then kiss his palm.

He rolls his eyes. "I can see my absence has taught you nothing. Unfortunate."

"I'm stubborn. I'm sure you of all people can understand that," you say, smiling.

"Mm. Y'lucky you're cute."

Your food arrives, the waitress cheerily informing you that she hopes you enjoy your meal.

"I think she's the happiest person in Gotham," Jason says, shaking the ketchup bottle.

You take a fry from his plate. "Probably a Metropolis native."

"Y'know my fries are the exact same as yours, right?"

"Nope," you say. "Yours have special boyfriend cooties on them. Adds flavor."

"You're gross," Jason says, quite lovingly.

You make a heart with your hands. He returns it, then takes a bite of his burger.

You don't even register it when Jason grabs the salt shaker. You're zeroed in on your lunch and don't look up until he speaks.

"What's this?"

Jason's holding the shelter hotline card.

"Oh! Some lady came over and gave that to me."

"Gave it to you?"

You should clock Jason's tone and the way he's stopped eating completely. But the experience was so odd that you can't fathom Jason thinking it as anything but a mistake.

"Yeah. For some reason, she thought I was here drinking a milkshake with you against my will. Probably 'cause it's Gotham, and you're my BBB: big beefcake boyfriend. Little does she know, I'm the heavyweight boxing champion of Park Row."

You swirl your fries in Jason's ketchup. He doesn't even blink. Usually, he'd give you a raised eyebrow and pretend he's cross.

Jason's still staring at the card. You catch his legs with yours. He doesn't look up.

"Jay?" you ask, smile fading. You drop your legs. "Hey. Y'good?"

"Hm? Oh. Sorry, baby." He puts the card aside and smiles at you, quick and strained.

"Everything okay?" you ask.

"Yeah. Uh, fine."

"Jason." You lean over and grab his hand. "What's wrong?"

He swallows. You wait, the noise of the diner fading. All that matters is whatever's causing his absolutely heartbreaking expression.

"How could she think I'm hurting you?" Jason whispers, finally looking at you. "How could—I would never hurt you."

"Oh, Jay. Honey, that's why I hardly entertained her. It was so silly to think about. I was so puzzled at first that I couldn't even decipher what she meant."

"But what if... y'know, maybe she sensed something about me. Sensed violence. I get it. I'd–I'd be scared of me if I were a regular person."

"Jason, sweetie, no. No, no, no. I think that woman experienced some hard things in her life, and that caused her to see something that wasn't there. She had good intentions, but she was absolutely wrong. I know you have a past, but I've never felt unsafe with you. Never. I could never be afraid of you."

Jason gnaws on the inside of his cheek. You get up and slide in next to him, crowding him against the wall. You curl against his arm.

"You love me so well, I forget that most people see a monster when I walk down the street," he says.

You squeeze your eyes closed. Pins in your heart.

"You're not a monster, Jay. You're good. I know it. Your family knows it. You're a protector."

He takes a deep breath. "If–if you ever felt afraid of me, ever, and you wanted me to stay away, then you tell me so, and I'd leave you alone. No questions asked."

"Jason," you whisper. You wrap your arm around his neck and pull him close. The vinyl squeaks as you shift. "Jay, I love you. I don't want you to leave me alone."

"But if—"

"No. Please listen to me. I know you'd never hurt or frighten me. Sometimes, people are wrong. She was wrong about you. She was kind but wrong."

You sit like that for a bit, feeling each other breathe. Jason's hand grazes yours. You grab it, lacing your fingers together.

"I love you too," he says quietly. "Never felt anything but love for you."

You smile and steal another fry off his plate. He snorts.

"I know." You lean against his shoulder. "Never doubted it."

#jason todd x reader #red hood x reader #jason todd x you #love him! *flails and cries* #red hood fanfiction #red hood x yn #jason todd x y/n #batman fanfiction #dc fanfiction #jason todd imagine #inbox #blurb

[jq37]

So, that lady FH episode was amazing and all, but...

Hoo boy, I already see the discourse around the Ratgrinders' fates forming and it is going to be painful. Be careful around the fandom space.

(I mean, resurrection is still on the table for them, but that's based on if the players feel like it and right now, we're looking at 50/50 odds at bests)

Yeah, don't worry about me. This isn't my first rodeo and also I post a lot about D20 and respond to asks I get but I don't actually personally engage with any of The Discourse (tm).

And I'm not really surprised at the reaction. I know people have been opinionated all season in two main camps (that have a lot of overlap): people dissatisfied with the narrative direction and people deeply sympathetic to the Rat Grinders to the point of being mad at the Bad Kids.

The first camp I mostly understand. I get wishing the cast would explore a certain storyline more. For example, I've been on the Aelwyn redemption arc train since literally the first episode of Fantasy High so I was a little disappointed that when that finally came to a head in Freshman Year, it was a big fight and then very little aftermath/unpacking because Aelwyn was sent to jail right after. And Sophomore Year hadn't been announced so I had no idea that she was gonna get another shot. But I wasn't upset or anything. Adaine at that point still hated her sister. She had no reason to want to reach out. And at the end of the day this is other people playing a game. Brennan presented them all the possible plot threads and they were most interested in self discovery, hanging out with each other, doing Shenanigans, and playing Tomb Raider re: Ankarna. Those are all options they were presented and it's not like they were doing crazy off-roading. It's well within the parameters of what D&D is. If you're gonna watch a show like this (or honestly any show), you have to accept that what's most interesting to you isn't always going to be the most interesting thing to the people in the driver's seat.

So yeah, I feel like this side of things I get (even though I'm fine with how things turned out).

The other camp--people being legit mad at the Bad Kids (and in some cases the actual cast) for treating the Rat Grinders like antagonists instead of victims that they were responsible for empathizing with and redeeming--I find kind of wild.

Like…you're mad at the kids who go to Child Murder School for killing kids who want to end the world and kill them specifically? Literally the first day of school the principal of the school says that adventurers are violent wanderers who engage in shenanigans and enact violence. This is the exact assignment they were given and that's what they're doing.

I think it's wild to at the same time believe that the Rat Grinders (who have killed people) are not responsible for their actions and deserve to be talked down while in the process of causing an apocalypse because they're just kids who were manipulated while at the same time calling the Bad Kids evil lunatics for trying to stop them by killing them (in a world where Revivify and Resurrection exist) even though they are ALSO kids who are doing what they've learned at Child Murder School. The Bad Kids have to be mature enough to thoroughly investigate the situation and have nuance about it but the Rat Grinders don't have any responsibility to not join a shady evil murder plan*? And do the Bad Kids really hate the Rat Grinders to the point where they're doing some overkill in this fight? Absolutely. But it's not like they're killing them because they hate them. They're killing them because they're trying to end the world--and they also happen to hate them. Are we forgetting that Kipperlilly killed Buddy--her own teammate--with a gleeful smile on her face? That was so out of pocket.

They're adventurers! Not guidance counselors! If Jawbone was like, "We need to kill these kids," yeah that would be weird but why would the Bad Kids extend an olive branch to the kids who (1) famously hate them, (2) killed at least one maybe 2 of their own party members, (3) endangered the entire student body population an hour ago, (4) are currently trying to end the world. Hell, Adaine was ready to be mean to her own sister in elf jail literally up until the point Brennan described how rough she looked from the torture and that's when she changed her mind. The Power of Love and Empathy is on the menu but it's a special item you only can get if you know the chef. Everyone else is getting a serving of These Hands. Just because you can find a vegan solution to a problem it doesn't mean you're obligated to.

This all comes down to, "Maybe teenagers shouldn't have godlike powers and the ability to play judge, jury, and executioner" but that's literally the premise of the entire show so you can't get around it without rejecting the show's entire premise. If they were like, "Hmm the systems that underpin our world are questionable and we should change the power structures" instead of, "Let's kill some bad guys!" then that's a totally different thing we're doing here!

And, idk man, this show has always had a Who Framed Roger Rabbit style morality where the normal rules of ethics stop applying when it's funny. They beat the crud out of Ragh and then lied to him that he shit his pants just for the bit. A pirate was rude/kinda racist to Riz so they scared him into killing himself. Riz ate the remains of the sentient (albiet evil) dragon he killed. That's all unhinged behavior but none of that is meant to be serious. Getting upset about Fig sending Ruben to hell to me feels like getting mad that Jerry hit Tom with a cartoonishly large mallet.

None of this is new so I have to assume that people are having a big reaction because they relate to the Rat Grinders or just really like them so it feels bad that the Bad Kids are treating them like fodder rather than beloved NPCs.

But again, this is a world where you can bring people back from the dead and the Rat Grinders have showed intent that is grievously neglectful at best and insanely murderous at worst so I can't muster a lot of sympathy for the fact that the Bad Kids are just taking them down without remorse. I don't think you have to try to empathize with the people who are trying to harm you if you don't want to especially while they are in the process of harming you.

(*And we still don't know how voluntarily they joined this plan. We don't know if they were killed and basically forced into resurrecting with rage or if they just leapt at the chance to join a plan that would let them get one over on their rivals. It literally could be either. We've had kid villains on this show strong armed into being party to evil plans by threat of harm (Aelwyn) as well was kid villains who just had their own selfish motivations and weren't tricked at all (Penelope and Biz). We actually don't have any clear answer on how culpable they are. We don't know if they all have rage crystals (except for Buddy). And we don't know how much having a Rage Crystal effects your actions. The best indicator we got is in this latest ep when Brennan said that there was a mechanic where Porter was going to call anyone with a rage crystal to fight for him but that says to me that he's only directly puppeting them when he uses that action and otherwise they have free will and are just angrier. The Bad Kids don't have a reason to believe definitively that the Rat Grinders are just unwilling puppets even if that is the case so of course they're treating them like enemies. Anyway, this is a whole lot of "I don't knows" but that's only because I've seen a lot of people talking like the Rat Grinders literally aren't in control of their actions but that's not info that we have. It could be true but we don't actually know that so it's not a good argument.)

#asks #dimension 20 #fantasy high #spoilers #dimension 20 spoilers #fantasy high spoilers #brwolf1995 #i've seen ppl say that the bad kids were mean the the RG's for no reason and it's like. #...the reason is that this is a show based on high school pop culture tropes #and they immediately and correctly clocked that KP is tracy flick #like come on man #and there's no reason to believe they can't be rezzed once this is taken care of #idk why ppl are acting like they're dead-dead #ankarna could just raise them like cass raised K at the end of SY if brennan wants #also lmao emily was brutal to ruben but I think that was mostly just irl person emily being like I put all this effort into you #and I never learned anything useful???? then perish #it's not that deep #one of my friends was like 'babe this isn't steven universe' #and I think about that a lot

[soapycheeks]

i just know that mactavish probably have at least two girls waiting for him in their home everyday. so, here's little conversation he'll have with his sweet little eight years old daughter — little angst, fluff — 1.1k words

her innocent face remains sober. she's not a child who's easily persuaded by sugar-coated lies and half-truths, make your husband impressed by your daughter maturity despite his attempts to throw cheeky jokes to make everything better. "but mommy was mad at you, weren't she?"

"yeah, mommy was mad at me. and she has every right to be." he says calmly. "i'm gone for too many days in the year. that puts more pressure on her to take care of you on her own. and she loves you more than she loves anything else in the world, and she doesn't like it when i doesn't get to spend enough time with you. so... she gets mad at me."

the little girl nods, clearly understanding his point. "you should stay home with us, then." she says plainly, her soft voice filling with honesty as she speaks, makes his heart goes out to her, unable to argue against such pure and simple logic. but he knows how the real-world works, and he can't just quit his job and stay home all the time.

he puts on a small smile, patting her on the head. "i wish i could, sweetheart. but this is my job. i have a responsibility to the people in my unit, and their families - and to my country. i love you so much... but i can't just abandon my work."

"but daddy, how are you gonna help us when you're out there? it makes mommy really sad... and she gets scared..."

"i know, honey... i know. but i promise, i'll be back as soon as i can. i have to go, but as soon as i get back, i'll hug you like this-" he leans down and lifts her up so she's resting against his chest.

his daughter face full of hope once again, there's only one thing on her mind now - she doesn't want her father to go away again. "that'll be really nice." she says softly. "but when are you gonna come back? you're always gone for so long... mommy says that it's taking away the best years we have together, and that it's not fair. is she right?"

he doesn't want to lie to his child, but he also doesn't want to ruin any hope she has. but she's so smart that she always sees right through his lies - that's the problem.

after taking a deep breath, he meets her eyes. "yes. she's right... it is taking away some of the best years we could have together. i wish it wasn't like this. but sometimes we have to do what's important, even when it's hard."

the little girl looks down and bites her lip, then looks up at him and nods slowly. her face still sober but a little calmer now.

"ok. but daddy...?"

johnny glances down at her. the look in her eyes tells him that she's about to ask another difficult, grown-up question - and that it's most likely going to crush him all over again.

"what is it, sweetheart?"

"mommy says... she doesn't want you to die when you're not here with us, because it would make her really sad. and it would make me really sad too, because i'd be all alone while you're gone. and i guess that's how i feel every time you leave. so... please, i'm begging you, daddy... don't die. please don't ever die, okay?"

that does it. he can't handle this last question. he has to turn away from her and cover his face, because even though he's tried to stay strong throughout this whole conversation, he feels the tears spilling from his eyes.

"oh honey..." he murmurs, choking back a sob. "don't you worry about that, okay? i promise... i'm gonna come back home to you, every single time. i'll stay away from danger as much as i can. and i'll be back home with you as soon as i can. i promise."

she lets out a tiny sigh and hug him tighter against her as she finally decides that she's done saying everything she needs to say. her voice is softer and quieter now, like a little whisper.

"i wish mommy didn't get mad when you had to go to your job. i don't like it when she gets mad at you, because it makes everybody upset. i promise, when i grow up, i'm gonna be a girl who doesn't get mad and loves her daddy all the time. i wish everybody could love you like i do."

he little bit speechless, but he knows that the argument between the two of you not that bad, you're just upset with the situation. he sighs and lets out a long, weary chuckle. you had definitely said your fair share of harsh words about him in the past, and many of the things you said have stuck with him.

"you're such an angel, honey... don't you ever change. stay sweet and loving and innocent like you are now, okay? daddy loves you so much..."

she buries her face into his chest and wraps her arms around his neck, clinging to him with all her strength. it's like her one chance to hold onto him as tightly as she can and never let go. "i love you too, daddy..."

he kisses the top of her head and holds her for a long time, not ready to let go of her yet.

finally, after a few minutes, he sets her down on her feet and kneels down in front of her again.

"what do you want to do," he says softly, taking her little hands in his. "i can take you to the bookstore if you want, or maybe get your favorite ice cream."

she thinks for a moment, her face filling with happiness again. when she was feeling sad, she was ready to stay home and do nothing at all. but now that she's happy again, the world might as well be her oyster.

"ice cream sounds super! but first, can we go to the bookstore and just look around, then get ice cream? i like looking at all the books, but i never get to buy any because all the good ones are too expensive and mommy doesn't let me."

he grins and nods. he likes that she wants to look at the books but she doesn't want him to spend too much money on her. it shows that she's aware of his responsibilities and the financial implications of certain purchases, even at such a young age. johnny thinks she's absolutely precious.

he stands back up and offers her his hand, which she grabs excitedly.

my really 1st time wrote about him. likes, reblogs, and comments are wonderfully appreciated!

#mills's written #john soap mactavish #john soap mctavish x reader #john soap mctavish x you #john soap x reader #call of duty #cod headcanons #cod imagine #cod mw2 #cod #cod x reader #soap cod #soap x reader

[arthurswifetv]

Chris MD headcannons

⋆ This man is such a flirt. I don't care if you have known him for a while I just think he carries himself very confidently around women, and especially around people he likes. 'so how's your night going love' 'want another drink'

⋆ Is a very much a physical touch kinda guy. I just feel like in a relationship he would always be holding onto you (your hand or your waist) 'Chris I need to go and order a drink, can you let go of my hand?' 'we can do it together baby'

⋆ Loves going out and taking you to film videos, even if you are terrible at football he will be getting a video about either teaching you how to do certain skills or just recording you making an absolute mess of yourself 'So this is my girlfriend and she is going to show me up today' ' Y/N can you aim any less for the goal' while dying laughing on the ground

⋆ I feel like he would love to cook for you. I have no idea why, but I can just imagine you getting home from work and he will already be creating a meal for you to try or one of your favourites 'just finishing in the oven so you can get changed and then you can tell me about your day okay sweetheart'

⋆ When he gets drunk he kisses you so much and gets very giggly 'Y/N come over here pleaseeee' 'Chris you kissed me five seconds ago' 'but I need you'

⋆ is up for most things in bed, I think he would be up anything that you suggested, and would bring up a fantasy when he's drunk 'so I was thinking about something we could try' 'CHRIS now is not the time just tell me at home'

⋆ Is a BIG cuddler, especially after having sex because he needs his closeness to you and will complain about it if not 'just go to sleep I know how tired you are, I'll be right behind you love'

⋆ would want to be Dad and I feel like all of the boys would be girl Dads and Chris would make his daughter play or at least learn football just so the two of them could play it 'go show Mummy your new skill that I taught you, she's going to be playing for England in no time'

⋆ would also be the parent that spoils his child rotten because he just cannot say no to her wanting to buy everything 'Chris why has she got chocolate on her face and all these new toys' 'well I just didn't want to upset her'

⋆ tells her how amazing she is every day and is just so cute

#arthur tv #arthur hill #uk youtubers #george clarkey smut #arthur frederick #george clarkey #youtube #chris md #chrismd smut #chrismd #chrismd imagine

[bobbinalong]

You're joking. Please say you're joking. You mean to tell me Sara died just so Jay can blame Nia and that can further develop HER character. Not Jay's, Nia's. Because it's clear this isn't about Jay. This isn't even his book. He is just the friend (if they can call each other that given their interaction was brief lol) whose mother died so now the main character (Nia) is going to have drama and angst and character development because of it.

While yes, character favoritism does annoy me, usually at least I can just... not read the book? And be fine. But this is literally changing the status quo A BIG TIME. And Jay doesn't have any books now or even some coming soon so I guess he'll have to deal with this off-page. He just got him mother back, he doesn't deserve this!!! After all the crap they've been trough, they both deserve a happy ending. I'm so UPSET WTF!!!

I know it sounds like I don't like Nia, I swear I don't have a problem with her and enjoyed her origin story, but having to fuck up another character so she can have character development really pisses me off. It's the same as Chip's current treatment of Damian except this one actually changes the status quo.

I'm sorry for the negativity, I'm just really pissed lol.

Don't be sorry, I totally get why you're pissed.

I'm reserving (total) judgement until we actually see how this plays out but yes, right now, it doesn't look good -- and even if the story that comes out of this is enjoyable and I personally like the way Nia and Jay develop because of this, the point it started at will probably always leave a sour taste because as smarter people have pointed out, a mother dying to further develop other people's stories is, at this point, a very tired and played out trope.

As for character favouritism, I'm holding off on calling it that, but if this does turn out to be about Nia and nobody but Nia, ... I was about to say I wouldn't be surprised but no, that's actually not it. But Nicole Maines did originally play her on Supergirl, like, that's kinda her character, in a way, so I guess I would at least get that. Somewhat. It would still suck, though, obviously.

On a slightly more positive note, these tweets do kinda of make me hope we'll see Jay and in not just a minor role in this/Nia's story going forward. Like, especially the "Jay knows exactly who he blames". Of course that could also just mean "they're not gonna be friends anymore" but I hope we at least get to center his feelings, too, if we already unceremoniously killed his mom.

Also, not sure how to fit this smoothly onto the rest of this tangent, I'm kinda disappointed Sara's gone before she even got to be a character. Like, the woman is essentially a blank slate. We can assume she's devoted to her son and to her country but outside, that's it, because so far she's only appeared to be saved after being brutalized and then to be thrown out of a window. So even if this all furthers Nia and Jay's story in a satisfying way, it still sucks that there's no care for Sara Nakamura as a character/person in her own right. She's just Jay's mom whose death'll drive a wedge between him and a friend and I suppose that's all she'll ever be now, when I think she'd have had a few interesting stories in her in her own right or could've at least served as an interesting addition to the wider Superman cast.

So yeah. Be pissed. God knows I will be if Nia's the only character who gets anything out of this.

#dc #dc comics #anon #bobbinasks #sara nakamura #nia nal #dreamer #suicide squad: dream team #jay nakamura

[idiotsonlyevent]

i'm not saying 'chilchuck did nothing wrong,' but i'm becoming increasingly bothered by the framing that the marriage failed because it was 'only his fault,' when his wife did just up and leave, seemingly without saying anything to him or having a conversation about it?

and i know we don't see anything from Her perspective, so maybe she did try, but the fact that he had no idea anything was wrong, despite being fairly present with her and their daughters is i think pretty indicative that she was probably stewing with her frustrations in silence for a long time... like, i'm not pinning the blame on her, but leaving your spouse without saying anything is also not great? especially if it's some sort of 'test'?

like, i think they both Kind Of Messed Up and now there's a stalemate where they're upset, and chilchuck is afraid to make the next move because he doesn't want to upset her further, but the longer he waits, the more frustrated she gets... and so it continues

also, dunmeshi spends SO much time focusing on how we often unintentionally hurt our loved ones, but how there's almost always ways to move past it and grow, so it feels very strange to me when people insist that there's no reason for them to get back together. like if you don't want them to, that's fine! but insisting that there's no way to repair their relationship, or that it's only one person's fault, or that it's unhealthy or whatever... idk, but it doesn't sit right w me.

#this isnt even from like 'a shipping perspective' idk i just feel like some of the Bad Husband Stuff is being #framed like... how good u r at emotional vulnerability means you 'deserve/dont deserve' to be in a happy relationship? idk how to phrase i #gsjdgdjdh WHO is gonna write that 30k chilwife separation fic exploring their marital issues? please dont say me #like god wouldnt it be interesting if she left him bc she percieved him as being 'too emotionally distant' (which is NOT an unfair criticis #lmfao ive even talked abt it before wrt gender) ... but was ALSO BEING EMOTIONALLY DISTANT? #is it not interesting the way this sort of created a self-fulfilling prophesy ? where her frustrations with him only led her to withdraw #further from him which only made him EVEN MORE distant especially as he get busier w work which made her More frustrated etc etc.... #L.txt #dungeon meshi #chilposting

[softshuji]

The idea of someone actually loving me, being excited to see me, spend time with me ,speak to me, thinking I'm pretty or smart and nice and not because they need something from me or they think I can provide something for them is so unfathomable to me that even if someone does love me I don't think I could ever believe it's because it's me and they really care for me and not cos they see something in me that doesn't really exist or a solution to their problems or something to use till the next person that provides what I can comes along.

#im needed because i provide that's all #i have a solution to everything I'm always reassuring and comforting and nice and kind #and i make people feel better about themselves because im so helpful and accommodating #and when i need something i just can't say it cos #im supposed to be a provider #and it's always like #my problems they don't really mean anything #haleema will sort it out by herself #they're not important they never feel like anyone takes it seriously #im just something to keep around because im useful that's all #im entertaining for a time im helpful and can solve almost any issue ever #that's all i really am #and i wish i wish so bad i could stop getting so upset over this #maybe i just want someone to tell me they love me and actually mean it and for it to be because it's not me not cos of what i can do forthem

[mayathescientist]

wyd when both alternative versions of you are terrible fucking people in their own respective ways but they're both hotter and more successful than you (yeah this is like the different simons from fionna and cake but for my oc)

#maya posts #maya art #maya's aa oc tag #bleh idk what else to put here #maybe i can just vent #since idrk if anyone reads these #im kinda upset that even when my art kinda blows up it ends up being forgotten after a while anyway #and people pretty much never have anything to.. Say? #that must mean something but idk what #but I don't know on tumblr people leave tags on everything but not on my art #and when people don't have anything to say it upsets me because i always have something to say about my art i can talk a lot about it #but i want other ppl to think something and not just sit here and talk in a self centered way i want to engage in a conversation instead #but people have nothing to contribute so I either just talk my ass off in awkward silence or i have to shut up and forget about it #idk maybe im just too self centered

[elytrafemme]

i remember when klavier split off and how, like, happy we all were. because before him it was just me, dahlia, and nightshade all fighting with each other. like not just mental fighting like physically fighting with each other, my first interaction with nightshade was on a discord call where i had to mute because we were co-hosting and throwing shit and threatening each other. and then klavier comes and he’s an instant ray of sunshine and at the very least, me and dahlia realize that we had a missing piece. and the three of us became so much closer, dahlia and klavier were a little queer for each other and klavier made all these friends and dahlia would front to keep me from having breakdowns, or front to buy clothes, or front to talk to my therapist about us. and klavier would come out and listen to his like 7 hour long playlist. and we were happy because i was like, well, they’re not gonna go. they can’t do that. 

and now they’re gone. dahlia last fronted for a life or death situation and then she left and i thought that would mean she’d be around more but, no, that was it. klavier always seems sad or upset with me whenever he fronts. rory and nightshade and cynthia and daisy and all the others i never knew the names of have never come back. the first alter, orchid, she’s never fronted either. not since it was too late. she might have fused with me but it’s hard to say because i haven’t been the same person for longer than two months in a very, very long time. 

like is that not all fucking crazy to you? it’s crazy to me. it’s crazy to think that now people are going to say they were never real at all and it’s like no you don’t get it. i hear different languages i don’t speak in my head. i get flashbacks to trauma that isn’t my own. i have headaches that feel like my brain is splitting open that have lasted 5 hours because of non stop switches. 

it’s not that they were never here. it’s the opposite. 

#don't reblog #nightmare.system #it sucks that i will never believe people when they say they relate to my experiences #because i have gotten dm messages from the most closed off people from strangers even saying they get it #but i don't think anyone understands. because i don't think you can understand something that is nonexistent #to be honest i don't know what reality is anymore. externally or internally. i don't know the reality of my emotions my opinions my anything #and i can think back to all the moments where it should have been obvious #that my brain is just transplanted pieces of dialogue taht other people have said to me #their opinions and their own lives stitched together until it made a person out of me #and maybe that is why it's so deeply fucking upsetting that my alters have gone quiet #because this is the first time in my life that my brain has been 'mine' #and if anything about the way i've acted for months has been obvious it's that i don't know what to do with that #i don't know my age. i don't know who my friends are. i don't know what you think of me. i don't know my values. #i took two tests about my attachment style and i answered the opposite to the same questions on both. within an hour of each other. #and both were honest. but both contradicted. because it is literally impossible for me to believe anything wholly #and that's always been a uniquely me thing. klav tried to get it but he never did. same with the others to a lesser extent #but dahlia was as consistent as most human beings are she had her weaknesses and her contradictions #and she did petty and objectively stupid things while still pretending she was logical #but she was her. and i was fifteen people in a trenchcoat #i don't know why i'm saying all this. i don't know why it matters #i'm just so tired of not being understood. tired of people not trying to understand. and tired of people trying to understand #but never actually getting close. #myself included.

[euargh]

I love Spamton and the Addisons so much. I write my bad fanfictions with them a lot to pretend I have a friendship family such as theirs to block out the reality of how alone and mistreated I am irl lmao. I badly wish a friendship family like the Addisons, but that can’t happen and won’t exist so... fictional world to reside in it is then. Yes, I am a VERY sad person, lulz. Speaking of which, oh man it’s Christmas Eve, I better work on another chapter of the Addisons Sitcom. I need to have Pink want to be the center of attention and break everything in a comical manner. I don’t know why I like making Pink this blood thirsty person while remaining elegant. It’s just funny to me. but oh man I also need to complete the secret santa giftart. arughskj art is always such a chore for me. wish it were fun and easy like it is for most people. I only find writing to be fun for me, depending what it is. Like having to respond back to people or RP’s is also a chore at times. urgh, hate how my brain is so... lame and finds everything a chore nowadays. Drank this energy drink and now I have a migraine.

#rambling #blogging #excuse my excessive ramblings #probably the energy drink #which i'll end up burning out quickly and lay on the floor and not accompliish anything #why do i enter these things only to not complete anything #i suppose to give myself something to focus on and do so i won't feel empty #then i don't do anything #urghhhh i'm so lame euarkdjkfj #anyways i have cartoon network's livestream playing in the background christmas specials #having a bunch of noises playing at once helps me focus sometimes #do i have adhd? urghhhh #i once tried to have a serious conversation with my sis' on that because i was upset at never accomplishing anything and always being a mess #then she responded with 'EVERYONE HAS ADHD' so i went quiet and it's probably why i don't seek help and suffer #and the doctors down here are sexist and would probably say 'oh it's a women's problem' like before when i was bleeding out my asshoole #i hate people and everybody down here #lmaoo excuse my rant i am grumpy today #maybe i'll make a margarita to calm my shit down

[invisiblerhythmcat]

(I finally got around to watching Encanto and overall good I've got some opinions about the music but meh but it really showed me how much of a fucking mess I am because I cried at basically everything and now I feel like shit because of the crying and also the reminder that I don't really have a community or support system that will come find me when I run away and it's exhausting. But, it is good to have moments of crying and catharsis, so I'm just going to go with it for the moment)

#it's been a week since my partner moved back #we haven't talked for over two weeks #I don't even fucking know if they're eating or not #i blame myself for upsetting them and then also not making food super easy for them #i also can't do anything else #i also have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday and I have No Fucking Clue what to say about these allergy meds #and my allergy I mean anxiety #we're trying to have conversations about disability at my office job #but the person who is most angry and eloquent about it doesn't think I'm disabled #and treats me as a nice ally which isn't terrible but it makes conversations hard #i have a total of three dance students and I have no fucking clue how to get more #and I need more if I want to keep making a living teaching #oh also with the conversations about disability at my job #this is good but we have this weird habit of not having the trans conversation #it's been shoved aside for so long it's disgusting #and so it also just feels painful that the meeting when I finally put Trans Competency on the agenda #was the first meeting where we didn't get through the whole agenda #because suddenly people who have been kind of treating disability as the annoying thing I always bring up #were Very invested #I don't think it was on purpose but it still sucks #but also encanto good #i understand now

[rose-tinted-nostalgia]

.

#I know life is hard and we shouldn't take it personally and we should never expect people to coddle us and blah blah #but really I would like to just survive one day without someone being mean to me #I don't even need a day of people being nice #truly I would just take one completely mundane day where I didn't get cursed out or yelled at or spoken down to #and yes I'm well aware this is partially my fault because one person in particular I surround myself with is trash #but it's not just him #my sister cursed me out and accused me of insulting her because I said I didn't agree with her on something #I didn't even say she was wrong I legit told her her feelings were valid and that it was just hard for me to see it from the same #perspective #and when she got upset i took it all back and said I was wrong and apologized and still she berated me over messenger until I cried because #I didn't know what else to say #and even though I'm sick #I got up and cooked dinner for my family and I cleaned up the whole mess and put it all away but I didn't do the dishes because I was #struggling and had to lay back down #and my mom came out and did not say thanks for dinner or thanks for cleaning up or anything of the sort #she came out rolled her eyes scoffed gestured to the dishes in the sink and said you have a mess here #and then proceeded to complain about how I didn't do the dishes #and that's stupid to let that bother me but I swear it's an every day thing and like I was so proud of myself for getting up and cooking an #cleaning up my mess because I was struggling to get out of bed at all #and still all she can bring up is the negative and no matter what i do it's always like that never a positive note #and for the record my mom lives with me for free taking over my son's bedroom it's not like i left dishes in her house it's my dishes in my #house #and ofc my son's father found a way to yell at me but i don't even count that anymore #and i'm just emotionally drained #and it feels like lately it's just an every day thing and i'm so fucking tired #I can't remember the last time someone said anything kind to me at all and that's not an exaggeration #no one ever says i love you or i'm proud of you or thanks for doing that or this helps alot or you got this or you're good at this #and I just wish someone could see something good in me for once

[inkskinned]

what is with men being mad any time a woman raises her voice where did that even come from. someone posted a video of a small electrical explosion, and the top comment was of course the woman screams. the second comment is women try not to scream challenge, level impossible. i had to go back and watch the video again. there is, somewhat fainty, a little gasp emitted off-camera, more of a yelp than a scream. it is mostly lost in the crack of the explosion. afterwards, you hear her voice, shaken, say, are you okay?

i am helping one of my friends train her voice pitch lower, because she wants to be taken seriously at work. she and i do each other's nails and talk about gender roles; and how - due to our appearance - neither of us have ever been able to be "hysterical" in public. we both appear young and sweet and feminine. she is cisgender, and cannot use her natural voice in her profession because people keep saying she appears to be "vapid". we both try to figure out if our purposeful voice lowering is technically sexist. is it promoting something when you are a victim to it?

a storm almost sends a pole through a car window. in the dashcam, you can hear the woman passenger say her partner's name twice, crying out in alarm. she sounds terrified. in the comments, she is lambasted for her lack of calm. how is that even fucking helping?

in high school, i taught myself to have a lower voice. i had been recorded when i was genuinely (and righteously) upset; and i hated how my voice sounded on the phone speakers when it was played back. i was defending my mom, and my voice cracked with emotion. it meant i was no longer winning the argument: i was just shrieking about it.

girls meet each other after a long summer and let out a little joyful scream. this usually stops around 12-14, because people will not tolerate this display of affection (as it has the effect of being passingly annoying). something about the fact that little girls can't ever even be annoying. we are trained to examine each part of our lives (even joy) for anything that could make us upsetting and disgusting. they act like teenage girls are breaking into houses and shrieking you awake at 3 in the morning. speaking as a public school educator: trust me, it's not that bad, you can just roll your eyes and move on. it does not compare to the ways boys end up being annoying: slurs in graffiti, purposefully mocking your body, following you after you said no. you know, just boy things.

there's another video of a man who is not allowed to yell in the house, so he snaps his fingers when he's excited about soccer. the comments are full of angry men, talking about how their brother is unfairly caged. let him express himself and this is terrible to do to someone. eventually the couple has to address it in a second video: they are married with a newborn baby. he was trying not to wake the infant up. there is no comment on the fact women are not allowed to yell indoors. or the fact that it could have been really alarming or triggering for his wife. sometimes i wonder if straight men even like women, if they even enjoy being in relationships with them.

for the longest time, i hated roller coasters because it always felt inappropriate and uncomfortable for me to scream. one of my friends called me on it, said it was unusual i'm so unwilling. i had to go to my therapist about it. i don't like to scream because i was not raised in a safe situation, and raising my voice would have brought unsafe attention towards me. even when i am supposed to scream, it feels shameful, guilty. i was not treated kindly, so i lack a basic form of self-protection. this is not a natural response. it is not good that in a situation of high adrenaline - i shut up about it.

something very bad is happening, i think. in between all the beauty standards and the stuff i've already discussed - this one feels new and cruel in a way i can't quite express. yes, it's scary and silencing. but there's something about how direct it is - that so many men agree with the sentiment that women should never yell, even in an emergency - it feels different.

is the word shriek gendered automatically? how about shrill or screech? in self defense class, one of the first things they tell you is to yell, as loud and as shrilly as you can. they say it will feel rude. most women will not do this. you need to practice overcoming the social pressure and just scream.

most women do not cry out, even when it's bad. we do not report it. we walk faster. we do not make a scene. what would be the point of doing anything else? no matter what we do, we don't get taken seriously. it is a joke to them. an instagram caption punchline. we have to present ourselves as silent, beautiful, captivating - "valuable."

a woman is outside watching her kids when someone throws a firecracker at them. she screams and runs towards her children. in the comments, grown men flock together in the thousands: god. women are so annoying.

#warm up #writeblr #this one has bothered me for a bit #any time a woman does something even passingly annoying we treat it like a fucking crime #hey man. women are allowed to be annoying. everyone forever is allowed to be passingly annoying #as long as they aren't hurting anyone/thing #like u wanna know something? i find it super annoying that men don't wear seatbelts #why arent there thousands of comments on driving videos thats just like : men try not to die in a car crash challenge #''this briefly annoyed me''. okay??????? AND????????????????? go get ur self a cookie and calm down about it #ur not entitled to control other ppl's experiences and emotions just so u can maintain ur own peace #if being briefly annoyed ruins ur whole day! you! need! therapy!!!! #men try not to become immediately angry about nothing challenge: level impossible #ps author is nonbinary. we didn't even get into the gender presentation thing #the fact men think it's SEXY that my voice is on the lower end....

[ghostprinceiii]

As soon as I get home I am never leaving my house again.

#im having a horrible morning :D #I've been staying with my brother the past few days for guilt reasons and as nice as he and his girlfriend are this house is #my own personal hell. In the area that im staying everything is cold and damp (including the toiletpaper) and I think ive been rubbing mold #on my face because my towel wont dry. I cant go two inches without seeing or accidentally stepping on a bug and theres dirt and debris #literally everywhere. There are so many goddamn stairs. I tried to actually make something to eat today that was more substantial and more #effort than like a fistful of goldfiah crackers. The knife I had seemed very dull. My noodles are probably undercooked because I don't #understand the stovetop. When I tried to pour my soup out of the pot the shape of it made it so half the liquid in there just poured #straight onto the stove. All of the chairs in this province are so goddamn uncomfortable. I am miserable as I knew I would be #and I want to go home. I miss my cat and my ability to create a semi-sterile environment. My flight (which is itself a horrible stressor an #impending miserable experience + I had to spend $350 for a flight I don't want to be on to get home from a trip I didnt want to go on) #isnt until Monday and its only Wednesday today. I already always feel like Im seeing bugs and like theyre crawling on me. #I cannot live somewhere where thats actually *true*. I'm also constantly being unsubtly judged for using a mobility aid and any time I talk #to my mom she doesnt listen to literally anything I say and theres so much goddamn noise in this house and I dont wanna say anything to my #brother because thats *rude* and *ungrateful* but the only texture I can stand in this place is the tiny couch I have to curl up but keep #vigilant on because not even that is safe from bugs!!! And all of the counters are sticky!!! And they made me get expensive groceries that #I cant make myself use! I'm in a sensory and emotional nightmare and in constant physical pain! And then people get upset with me for being #miserable to be around! What the fuck do they want me to do!?!? #anyways. #ghostprince posts #vent #delete later #I want to go home. #update: I took like two bites of my food and immediately became nauseous. I've also become convinced there's bugs in there. Great.

[birdantlers]

A heartfelt and grievously expanded-upon update to this—please, please read the whole thing if you can. reblogs much appreciated.

(DISCLAIMER, for all who are saying reasons like abusive parents/legal stuff/toxic ex/triggering memories/page got deleted/job/stalkers/bullying/[[insert any other shitty life thing]], This is not concerning that—personal safety & health ALWAYS comes first, and is worth more than any media ever could be. This is my biggest reason for defending that autonomy. I would be a hypocrite to say I hadn’t deleted triggering posts of mine or ones that got me in trouble with my family.)

it genuinely makes me sad and kinda upset when someone purges all their old art off the internet like. barring harmful content what if someone liked that. What if someone would have. And now nobody will ever know and it's just gone. even people's old invader zim askblogs or whatever getting deleted feels like a micro alexandria to me and that's just something I made up. I wasn't even thinking of a specific one it just stresses me out. Is this the autism I don't get why nobody else seems to freak internally abt it like I do. I see artists whose blogs I've never even looked at go like "man so glad I deleted all my old stuff it's so clean" or saying they throw out art from when they were kids I'm like. how are you not hurling. How is that not distressing that is literally your tree rings why would you do that. I want to see what's out there. people want to see it I promise someone out there likes it

...don't they??? Does everyone get quietly irrationally upset by this as me, or is this just hyperfixation/autism/some amalgam of the two. I'm not a hoarder or obsessive compulsive or anything like that so i wonder..

Anyways. reblog if you had a favorite amateur youtube animator in your childhood whose channel got nuked without a trace one day that you still think about.

I wanted to attach this video because it condenses my point very well. A TLDR of sorts. Please watch the whole thing, it genuinely changed the entire way I think about art as a concept.

(2nd vid is "Subjectivity in Art")

“The moment your art touches an audience, the ownership shifts in an irreversible way. [They're] not having an art experience with you and your intentions. They're having an art experience with the art object.

“You can't just burn your past; it's not even your past to burn anymore. It's other people's history as well. Whether or not you like it, that art is already bonded to somebody's soul, and if you rip the art away, you're ripping a bit of the soul that has adhesive contact to it.”

The digital age makes it very easy to distance or detach yourself from the impact your work has—be it art, fanfic, videos, even memes. Online content is as important to people now as any other media, if not more. But it's also by far the easiest, fastest, and most effective form of it to erase from public access. Media so unbelievably important to people and in general. Yes, you—with the 2010s purple sparkle dog speedpaint. I still think about that speedpaint all the time, because it was the first time i learned that you could draw on a computer, and I thought it was cool as hell. I still do.

I do wish there was a stronger culture of preservation and consideration for this, because every time I see people talk about snuffing their stuff because it doesn't personally resonate with them anymore, I just think ...what about all the people it did?

I've seen lots of people saying "get over it, it doesn't even matter," but it fucking does. It does matter. Even if I didn’t make it, even if I don’t have to deal with being the one who made it, even if I'm naturally inclined to be distressed by it—It still matters. And there’s nothing you could ever say to suddenly make it not matter, because there’s nothing you could ever say to make it not matter to me.

Don't devalue the act of creation. Don't dismiss something you made. It's out there, in people's thoughts and hearts and souls, and that is real. Even if you don't know it. Especially if you don't know it. Especially in a world where physical media is being snuffed out, the internet is constantly dying without any physical remains to recover, social isolation is rampant, and simply because independently produced content online is still media.

Fanfiction can hold equal or greater significance to someone as a book, but you can’t unpublish a book. Authors don’t have a button that can vaporize every copy of their work across all time, but fanfiction authors do. I’m not counting people who download fics either—when you buy a book, that transaction is over. But online, you have the power of unending transaction that can be terminated instantly at your will. The process of publishing fanfic vs. publishing a book may be different, but people’s connection to the art is the same intensity.

So yeah. I do get depressed about the Internet being a constant Alexandria, but the times I get the most depressed is when I click someone's page and see that all their work is gone because they're ‘curating a new aesthetic’ for their page or some shit. Or weeding out all the "ugly" art. Or just went on whatever the hell 'thrill deleting' is, because they just get a kick out of it.

Fuck it—yeah! It upsets me! I’m not wrong to say that. I’m saying it!

Under the cut, because it got long as shit! Also don’t worry the ending is way sappier and more ‘beauty of human nature’ vibe so it’s not all doom and gloom lol

What if that was someone's favorite art of that character. What if someone read that 'cringe oneshot' on the worst day of their life. What if that Warriors meme vid is still burned into a college student’s mind despite being gone for 10 years. What if it's actually not just you and the ones and zeros you rent out to the world—secure in knowing the original will always be on your computer for you to do whatever you want with it.

I really, deeply wish there was more of a general awareness of this, because even though social media can be used like a diary, that’s functionally the opposite of what it is. It’s social media. When you post, it’s no longer in a vacuum, even though you can’t see the real humans that content touches—often deeply.

Media is history. You shouldn’t burn that history just because you personally believe it isn’t worth saving.

Because it’s no longer just your personal opinion. It’s no longer just your personal work. it’s. history. Memory of media is not a suitable replacement for the media itself. If it was, we wouldn’t save anything at all. Nostalgia is an agent of that. The definition of nostalgia is grief for moments of the past that are inaccessible, and the biggest balm for that pain is accessing a physical reminder of those moments. That opinion of yours is no longer personal. It’s weighed against uncountable people across all time that your thing is ALSO personal to. People who would, and will mourn its absence.

How many times have you joined an older fandom only to discover that some of its most popular works are gone? How many times have you routed through random blogs looking for scraps people hopefully reblogged? how many times have you used Wayback machine desperately praying that a fan fiction or a YouTube video will be there? How many times do you look up crunchy old vines or YouTube videos or anime AMV‘s? How many times do you remember old fanfic.net sex that impacted you in middle school, only to shake your head and go ‘probably no point even looking.’

i mourn the absence. No, people can’t and shouldn’t have their agency over what they post revoked, but they should be conscious of that weight. If you’re reading this and getting extremely annoyed, and you’re not in the pink text above,,,, good.

I honestly do hope it gets under your skin. I hope it sits with you. I hope you feel it every time you hit that button, and whether or not you do hit that button—if you hesitate, if you remember this, even spitefully, I’ve done my job. I am howling into the void. And I may not want an answer, but I do want my anguish to be heard and remembered. Because it isn’t me just being melodramatic.

I know I sound that way writing so much, but if my favorite writing YouTuber can drop trow this week and go, "yeah, sorry, all my video essays from less than a year ago that you listen to in the car all the time? I'm "rebranding" my content so i deleted them. besides, my personal views don't really agree align with the analyses i did, or the techniques i taught in them anyway. Sorry if some of the literal tens of thousands of you used them, but I don't want to feel shackled to having youtuber "classics" tied to me”

….then i guess I'm just going to have to sound dramatic! That fucking sucks! Hours of work and knowledge gone! This was a new channel too. It’s very likely there’s no archive of any kind, because who would think someone who worked hard enough to write, record, and edit hour-long videos, would just turn around and nuke it all? I definitely didn’t see it coming, but I did just start a new screenwriting class a few weeks ago, so I’ll tell you at least one person is REALLY missing those fucking videos right now. Because a lot of them were about specifically screenwriting, which I know jack shit about. and that specific person’s pace, editing, and style of breaking down information was the best suited style I found that I could focus on and absorb. There’s no replacement for that. No alternative for his individual perspective. his jokes. his opinions.

No, they may not resonate with him now, but in this decision, he’s put up a big middle finger to everyone who might have. And he has like 100k subscribers! Those are confirmed supporters! Imagine how many silent and untethered observers are feeling this loss right now. Imagine how many will not have it in the future.

If he never posted them at all, we wouldn’t know we had it. It wouldn’t be a loss. But we did. We did have it. Until he decided that no, we didn’t, because he just happens to be the one out of millions of individuals holding the button to burn it in a hundredth of a second.

His personal work, the attachment I had to it, and the ways that it helped me are now just ripped away. I am one person out of millions, literal MILLIONS of people who saw and liked this content before it vanished. The soul has been ripped, the access severed, and by CJ’s (and my) definition, the art is functionally dead. Not for the YouTuber or anyone else lucky enough to save a link or download, but everyone else. From this point until the end of time, even if people even two weeks from now don’t know it. Even if someone who stumbles upon his channel today, doesn’t know it.

We only mourn the concept of Alexandria because we had some kind of scope for what was inside. Yes, maybe you got self-conscious and deleted your 12 year old deviant art account. Do you know who else is doing that?? THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS of other twenty somethings who ALSO feel self-conscious about their old socials. Art. Fanfic. One direction fan videos. anything.

Suddenly, an unquantifiable amount of information from your age group—an entire age group in 2012, is. gone. And we will NEVER know what’s been erased from that history. We will NEVER know what could have been significant to us ten years from now. Twenty years from now. A hundred years. A thousand.

You could have deleted a fanfic that would have been someone else’s new go-to panic attack distraction tomorrow. You could have deleted a video someone used to laugh at with their friend who died yesterday. When you delete something, you risk tearing a hole in unknowable personal histories.

The Internet isn’t just a big library of Alexandria. It’s a library containing libraries. And those libraries have their own libraries in those libraries have their own as well. libraries inside libraries, inside libraries, ad infinitum. To conceive the amount of destroyed history on the Internet is crushing.

And I just can’t help but I ask myself how in gods name people can choose to contribute to that, instead of reposting everything to trash heap alts titled “hall of shame” or some shit.

You can offload to alts. Put up disclaimers. Make password locked blogs, or dropboxes, or anonymous imgur dumps. Anonymous reuploads. Orphan fics. Make a playlist or linktree of unlisted videos. Cut off the watermarks. Delete all references to it on your main. Make a dedicated unlisted playlist. make a google drive. Make new portfolio sites. Delete any questions you get about it. Change pen names. Pretend it never existed.

Give a heads up.

Something.

But don’t. kill. the media.

The knowledge that our stuff is going to forever be tied to us is a cross we have to bear, but the responsibility that comes with putting it out there in the first place, can’t be ignored.

Anyway. I'm not trying to start conflict. This is not a bash on anyone, nor a call for witch hunts. Or anon hate, or blocks and unfollows or anything of that nature. I'm not wishing ramifications or hate of any kind on anyone who does wants to do any of this.

I'm also not guilt tripping— I am not saying that you should feel bad. I AM saying why it makes me feel bad. That’s not guilting, it’s a dialogue. One I personally feel is long overdue.

It's me yelling into the void: please consider the real people on the other side of the screen before you hit that button. Realize and know that whatever you're about to erase from history could be the most important thing in the world to someone.

Art is an experience. It's why we revisit it. If art and history simply lived in the matter and code of media, we would only need to look at it once. We wouldn’t put things in museums. We wouldn’t build libraries. We wouldn’t look up vine compilations.

If you're able, consider (and I do mean consider, this is not a call to action) not destroying that. And don’t shrug it off as some pretentious asshole venting on Tumblr. You only need to look in the notes and tags to see that it isn’t just me. it’s never just me, or you, or the pixels.

And even if you do shrug it off, then at least recognize that what you make matters. Whatever you think about it, if it’s out there, that's not your discretion anymore. If a tree falls in the woods and even one person is around to see it, it fucking mattered. Because it happened. Don’t mulch your tree rings if you don’t have to. Because if enough people do it, a whole forest is gone. Media is history, no matter whether you think it’s worth putting in a museum, or only has 30 notes.

Thousands of years ago, a child named onfim doodled on his homework. They’re crude, and everyone has the wrong amount of fingers, and they’re also priceless archaeological artifacts recognizable throughout the world.

the only thing separating Onfim’s doodles and your MS paint Pokémon doodles is time. The only thing separating your old MS paint Pokémon doodles from being a priceless artifacts, thousands of years in the future is time. Your creations are already priceless artifacts. No matter what you do, don't ever, ever deny that. It isn’t blowing up your own ass, it’s artistic and anthropological fact.

The mundane and the supposedly unworthy are often the first things lost to time, and that’s why they’re so precious. That’s why artists who were before their time are scorned first only to be celebrated later. Do you think they knew that was going to happen?? What if they nuked it? Many probably did! But now that’s happening exponentially and instantaneously everywhere, WITHOUT the artist having to destroy their only copy—which makes it way easier and more dismissable.

Sometimes, If you’re revolutionary enough, people will make an effort to preserve your work, but recognized and thoroughly recorded work is rare compared to unrecognized and thoroughly recorded work.

Sometimes something is beloved enough that it would be impossible for it not to go down in history, but even then it isnt a guarantee, and it’s rare. But if van Gogh burned all of his paintings in a fit of despair before his death, we would have no van Gogh. Because he wasn’t respected as an artist in his time, but that wasn’t what defined the worth of his art. The people after him did, because his art was still there for them.

If you rip the art away, you're ripping a bit of the soul that has adhesive contact to it. If you belittle your art, you belittle the very real relationships and emotions and revisitations people have with the media. You defy the inherent worth and weight of a creation. you created. That's effort. It's passion. No matter how flippant or unskilled or worthless you think it is, it matters. Because at the end of the day, you could have chosen to make nothing at all, and you didn't.

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Muting notifs

#artists on tumblr #Artistic #digital art #art history #anthropology #humanity #art discussion #art theory #skit yells

[milkykotek]

success story: celebrity crush turned boyfriend

First off, I'm aware people may not believe me. However, that's completely fine! I simply don't care, because it happened, and I wanted to share. I will not be sharing explicit details due to privacy reasons for both me and my boyfriend, especially since he is a popular actor.

It took me a few weeks because I didn't want to jump into dating immediately. However, you can immediately manifest anything and quantum jump! I chose to do it step by step.

"Dp" is a term used in the LOA (Law of Affirmation, Assumption and/or Attraction) community to describe your desired person. It can be anyone. 3D is the 3d dimension, the world you see in front of you. 4D is your thoughts and the reality where everything you want is accomplished.

It happened, but... what did?

I manifested my celebrity crush! I've been interested in him for some time now (due to personal reasons me and my now ex boyfriend – whom I manifested, too – have broken up). It was quite a wild ride, to be completely honest, and as always, I turned out successful!

There seems to be a blockage many face while manifesting celebrities, or otherwise famous/popular people. They're putting them on a pedestal, and so shifting the focus from actually manifesting to idolizing them. Of course, if you're manifesting a celebrity sp, you're most likely a fan of them already – that's not the point.

You're god, you're on top of the universe, you're the most important person there is. I don't care, and neither should you, about your circumstances. They're nothing but that – a circumstance in the 3D. As we all know, the 3D reflects our beliefs, assumptions, and the things we attract by engaging them. We engage them by giving them attention and reacting. An example can be someone giving you a dirty look – "Oh my god, they hate me!," you could think, and that is your assumption. You're not sure if they were even looking at you, because they could've been looking behind you, or simply have a resting b*tch face. And so, you thinking they frowned at you is an assumption. It's quite easy to create one.

And it's also easy to change that! The LOA (Law of Attraction, Assumption and/or Affirmation) community likes to overcomplicate manifesting by claiming it is hard to change your beliefs. It really is not. Every time you encounter a negative thought (thoughts create assumptions, assumptions show up in the 3D), simply change it. It's as easy as it seems. "I feel so sad", you can change that by saying, "I'm so happy and relaxed". Don't accept things you don't want to experience. Something happened that upset you? No, it didn't. Instead of dwelling on it, ignore it or affirm "It never happened", create a new story, "(something else) happened".

how did you manifest a celebrity dp?

You manifest a celebrity just like you manifest anyone else. They're human, and I don't believe in free will – anything I don't want, I change. It may sound weird, but is there even such thing as normal when it comes to manifesting and all the possibilities the universe offers?

The only thing you must do is take them off the pedestal and regain your power and control. It's not about them – it's about you. They're the obsessed one, they're the one manifesting you, you're on their mind.

If you're searching for a recipe, there is none. However, I can share a few ingredients – things that helped me:

— affirming. Affirming is nothing more than repeating what you want to happen, ex. "My dp loves me."

— persisting. You really don't want to give up until you see results. Of course, it doesn't mean you have to manifest 24/7, but then again, we think all the time, and so we manifest all the time, too.

— living in the end. Living in the end is living as if you already had your desire. How would you feel? How would you act, what would you do? Surely you wouldn't be stressing over results and whatever it is you're manifesting, because you'd already have it. Belief isn't necessary as long as you affirm and persist, but it sure does help.

— having someone to talk to. Having someone you can talk to about your manifestation journey and being supported was really important to me. I want to thank my best friends Star and Aurora, for always supporting and believing in me ❤️. Others would've called me delusional but you guys stood by my side.

proof:

Just breathe. For this part, I wanted to share some affirmations I used.

"Everything I want is mine. Everything I want, I get. I want it, I've got it. I'm a master manifestor. I always manifest whatever I desire and want."

"My dp (insert their name) loves me. My dp wants me. My dp is obsessed with me. My dp constantly texts me. My dp is texting me right now. My dp misses me. I am constantly on my dp's mind. My dp is constantly thinking about me. My dp is my boyfriend (or girlfriend, partner, anything you desire). I am my dp's best friend and soulmate."

Good luck ❤️. 222

#manifesting #manifestation #loa blog #loa #loa tumblr #law of assumption #law of attraction #law of manifestation #law of affirmation #success story