#anyway as scary as it was that our first project of this kind ended up being on a completely different scale from what we expected

[mimicteruyo]

Now that I’m neither half asleep nor out, a HUGE thank you to everyone who participated in the Welcome to Gensokyo Zine, and another huge thank you to everyone who has or plans to check it out. I don’t think I’ll ever stop being in awe of what a treasure trove of wonderful fanworks it ended up being.

Also, a truly massive thank you to Yoshi. She was incredible throughout the production cycle and worked insanely hard (the amazing graphics she made for the zine are just the tip of the iceberg). I couldn’t have asked for a better co-mod and there’s 0% chance this zine would ever have been made without her. Special thanks to floops as well for coming in clutch when we discovered just how massive the project was actually going to be and for having really good ace attorney opinions

Have a lovely summer, everyone!

#teruyo talk #i'll post my own fic on ao3 sometime next week #aaaaand now i'm almost out of excuses for not working on my hell long wip #welp #anyway as scary as it was that our first project of this kind ended up being on a completely different scale from what we expected #it was a really good learning experience #and reading through the zine and seeing everyone's works 🥺 so worth it

[tomhollandnet]

The Crowded Room: Tom Holland reveals how he defied a studio - over a hairstyle

In Cherry you played someone with PTSD, in Devil All the Time your mind went to all these dark and difficult places and here, there are memories that are disappearing from your life. What is your fascination with playing these characters who have these mental health struggles and challenges?

I’ve never really thought of it in that way, that I am kind of chasing characters with these ailments as such. I love a great story. I love a great challenge. I love working with great people and The Crowded Room offered all of those things.

Why did this particular project grab you?

I was shooting Spider-Man 3. I was in-between hanging upside down, fighting Alfred Molina and having the time of my life and I found out Akiva [Goldsman, The Crowded Room’s showrunner] wanted to speak to me about this project. I met with him on the Christmas break on Zoom and we immediately hit it off. Our 45-minute meeting turned into a two-hour epic about what The Crowded Room could be. He was kind enough to give me the job and the adventure started from there really.

What is it about you and New York?. First there was the Spider-Man trilogy – and now this. When is a statue going to be built there in your honour?

I’m probably the wrong person to ask that question. I’m a huge fan of New York. I was delighted to call it home for almost a year. It is as much a character in the show as I am. New York in the ‘70s was a pretty crazy place. I think our department heads did a pretty wonderful job of bringing that to life. It was very cool stepping into that era. It was also equally scary – it was a very, very different time.

Speaking of the scary ‘70s, did you get much say in the wardrobe – and that hairstyle in particular?

I tell you what mate, I learnt a really valuable lesson from Jake Gyllenhaal once – “commit to hair and makeup and commit to wardrobe. Do whatever you can to make yourself look as aesthetically different as possible with each role that you have” – and with Danny Sullivan, I went for it.

The studio wouldn’t really allow me to cut my in the way that we did. Ultimately, I just took an executive decision to say, “I’m going to do it anyway because this is how I think the character should look”. I’m delighted that we did, because I think the hair is the icing on the cake for the character.

As for the wardrobe? I loved the wardrobe. I’ve kept it all – I still wear the flared jeans. I think they did a wonderful job of putting that all together.

Talk us through that hairstyle. What made you so convinced that it had to be that way?

I think I trust my own judgement. My make-up artist Rachel Speke did these wonderful mood boards for what she wanted to achieve and we would sit there and look at these different pictures of people in New York in the ‘70s and so many times this haircut popped up.

I think we were a little hesitant, because it is a huge departure from what I look like in real life, but I just felt it was so important with the character like this to disappear into his life as much as possible and be as authentic to the period. I do remember showing up to the camera test and there being some rather unhappy faces, but I think they came around in the end.

I feel more comfortable making executive decisions now because Rachel and I have worked on five or six feature films together. I feel like we’ve always done a really good job – and it’s always for the service of the show.

It is such a complex role. How did you stay on top of all the facets of it?

I think we did a great job of scheduling it so lots of our actors’ stuff was in order, but that wasn’t the case for me. I was bouncing backwards and forwards in time on so many different days. Shooting multiple episodes on the same day was really, really tough. It meant we really had to be vigilant and prepared for every day’s work.

Ben Perkins, my acting coach, arguably saved the show. He was so good at making sure Danny’s arc was a strong cohesive one, not only to us making the show, but also to the audience.

There are some very intense scenes in The Crowded Room. What kind of on and off-set support did you have?

Akiva is a professional, he was a great ally on set. He’s not only a great friend, but also a great leader. I have a wonderful support system of friends – my brother was with me and my best friends from my personal life also work together as a team. Yes, there were times when I needed a shoulder to cry on – and I had plenty of shoulders to choose from. I was very lucky.

Since you became a star in the Spider-Man movies, you’ve also consistently stretched your acting skills in other, smaller roles – is that something you’ve deliberately sought out to do?

It’s something that I’m definitely very aware of. I love playing Spider-Man and Peter Parker, who I feel like is my best friend. He changed my life. I also have had two incredibly gifted agents since I was 13 years old who have been so good at positioning me to work at the right times with the right people.

It has definitely been something that has been in our strategic conversations about not getting put into one box. I love challenging myself. For me, it all comes under the same umbrella. It is something we think about and something we actively try to achieve.

Roles like this must take up so much energy and emotion – how do you take a break?

I am currently taking a year off. Today has been my first day of work in ‘23. I’ve been home, I’ve been lying low, I’ve been working on my house and building cupboards and gardening and all that sort of stuff.

I did know while I was making The Crowded Room that I did have this wonderfully long break coming up, so I took on the challenge, was dealing with the hardships of the character knowing that I had a break at the end.

I thought that after two months I’d be itching to get back on set. I’m now six months in and I’m absolutely loving my time off – I’m really enjoying myself.

#tom holland #the crowded room #tcr press #articles #long post

[elgascreamslikehell]

So here we are

Rating g?(I'm old deal with it)

Words 3804

Remarks: I'm more depressed than they are and my autistic ass gets a hyper fixation on them anyway. And yes my sarcasm is unstoppable sorry@notsorry

Eddie is so tired of Buckley lately.

Eddie is so tired when he even sees Buck's face. With all this mimics and unreadable signs. Or there's no signs at all, it's only Eddie's mind games. Most probably it is. Buckley just makes him feel... Feelings.

Eddie doesn't like it. He doesn't like feelings. He prefers not to feel them. He just can't. Evan is everywhere!

He goes to work - there's Evan, he comes home - Evan. He could even enjoy it, apparently, if not for one thing. He feels something to Evan he definitely should not.

It shouldn't be so much of surprise but here he is. He has his toothbrush in Eddie's bathroom, his towel, his drawer with clothes and some stuff. God, most of Eddie's kitchen belongs to Buck! His son belongs to Buck. Legally.

They are best friends. You can't possibly want to kiss your friend. Or worse. It's not fine!

And still he wants. He wants Buck to be... His. That's selfish, no doubt, but he never says he's an angel. So he wants Buck to be his Buck. For real.

They have right now some really twisted friendship to be fair. Ersatz-family. They basically live together, eat together, spend most of the time together. But then Buck says 'It was nice, see you!' and flees away when Eddie wants him to stay. Like forever.

It's fucking scary to be honest. Cause neither Ana nor Marisol never felt that way. It was fun, of course, but... Eddie was fine with them leaving. Actually he was usually quite glad they left.

He is never glad Buckley leaves. Cause he feels it. Eddie hates to feel. And really, even his home is not much of a home when Buck isn't there.

Oh, yes. He fucked up.

***

Anyway their shifts matches most of the time, apparently Bobby sees them as a perfect team somehow, maybe because they share one braincell. And that's definitely Bucks braincell, Eddie just looses it near Evan every time, it's a fortune he can pretend. And a torture at the same time.

And that's exactly explain how they even end up in this situation, tied to each other and standing on the unsafe surface.

"Listen, Edds, I thought..."

Ground starts to shake a little. There was not earthquake warning but still

"Guys, can you please hurry up, it looks dangerous!"

***

When ground under their feet starts to crumble Eddie should decide one thing. Very fast. Like he is back to army. He hates it. Basically because it's so strange - and a little creepy - to answer this kind of question instantly in your head.

If something go wrong who is more expendable? Like now?

That's not really a question - Eddie answered it long time ago.

And it's not Buck.

Never him.

In any case, Diaz could not take another time seeing Buck dead, thank you very much. It still haunts him.

Every time Buckley runs into danger - Eddie freezes. Cause he has a bold picture in his eyes of dead Evan Buckley under the pouring rain.

But if he really needs to explain. How many people would be hurt in this hypothetical situation one of them died? Eddie's list is first. He has Chris.

Well, it's not a long list to be honest.

And here we have Buck's list.

From the top of his head it would be Maddie, Bobby, Athena, Jee Yun, Chris... And Eddie himself, last but not least.

He might be not so good at math as Buckley but that he gets.

Problem solved!

He cuts his safety rope before Buck even tries to say a word and slides down to the abyss seeing how the way is crushed leaving Buck on the other side.

Well, it is not really abyss, of course. Just old water collector. Not a big difference right now.

"Diaz, report! We're coming back for you, only need to reassure this thing won't demolish!"

He stands up. Ok, he's alive. A little confused - looks like a mild concussion, never killed anyone - so basically fine. Only one thing. That's a water collector. Filling up with water fast.

"I'm fine. Little concussion, bruise on the shoulder, it's nothing. Is there any rain?"

"Not here but according to the forecast it's heavy rainfall up the hill, and i suppose you're okay if you asks about the weather"

Well yes but actually no, how to bring it up.

"It could become a problem here.."

His speech is breaking a little

"I ...want to have a confession."

"Maybe you can wait till we get you out? And then you can confess anything. Right after you give me a valid excuse why the heck did you cut your safety rope AGAIN."

Well, it's possible that he has some... Issues. Or just hates harnesses of any kind!

"Bobby.... It's a water collector. It takes, as i can recall, ten to twelve minutes to fill up completely. There's a strong chance you ...don't get me. You know that, i know that. Let's be ....honest."

"Don't you dare, Diaz!"

He can't help but laughs. Oh, captain, you have no idea what he dares now

"It's... fine. I'm an irresponsible ....idiot.... anyway... How's Buck?"

"I'm fine. We're coming for you!"

That's a shame he hears it. So, Edds, you are an idiot in the end.

"Yes, ...okay... Fine"

He tries so hard to his voice sounds normal. More normal then before. It is one thing that Bobby hears him. Or Chim. Or Hen. Or Ravi. Actually anyone but Buck. He is a whole different story, but here we are.

So breath in. Breath out. It's fine till you can still keep yourself together.

"Eddie, talk! Stay on the line."

"Yes...sir"

It's like a nightmare to be fair. Well 2.0. But this time there's no way out.

"Report, Eddie. Just talk to me. We need you to stay awake"

He doesn't want to. It's cold and there's water everywhere. Surprisingly, water. In the water collector. And he definitely has a not-so-mild concussion. And he will die here.

"Eddie!"

This voice again. Doesn't Buck know how hard is to listen him? And feel so much!

"I'm still...here. Just... I really need to rest...a little..."

"The hell no! Talk to me, Edds!"

He sighnes. If he maybe find a spot to rest just a little bit he can proceed searching for an exit. Cause there should be one. Otherwise it's...

"It's... like a grave. But I'm fine. Just needed a moment. I'm here.. When i stuck in the well i wasn't sure I'll survive but somehow i did, so... Sometimes i regret it..."

"Say what now?!"

"Nothing. I'm fine."

Acting - A+. Take a cookie.

"There should be a hole in the ceiling... kinda. The one i fell down. It's not that high but... I'm not sure i can reach it"

Mostly because he is sure he can't. It's just a play, cause it is highly likely they can't find him in time. And then they hear him literally dying. It's bad. Bobby doesn't deserve it. Buck... Buck just should not hear it at all costs.

"We dismantled the first heap. We're coming for you. Do you copy?"

"Yes..."

He is just tired. So, - and it is totally not okay - , it would be a relief. To not have to deal with... everything.

"You know, Edds, there's a new exotic creatures exhibition. We need to go. Chris would love it!"

Oh fuck. He's so irresponsible idiot in the end, and terrible, horrible father.

"Of course... Buck. But... if anything happens... You do take Chris there anyway!"

"Nothing's gonna happen. We're close"

He is close too. Buck once said that he should not be pretending around him, yet he never said that about others. That's nice. But there's no more pretending here. The water is literally up to his mouth. That's funny how fast this old thing could fill up.

"Good... i still need to... confess...."

He exhales loudly. It is really hard to breathe right now. And he definitely needs to rest.

There's a break in a line or he somehow managed to pass out for a second. Waking up to his radio screaming

"Eddie!! Talk to me!!"

He just can't

"I... Here's... here's a thing... I...lied... I'm an awful...friend ..."

He slips down the wall and cold water wakes him up a little

"No you're not! You're my best friend, come on! We're close. I'm close!"

And yet he is an awful friend who just takes Evan Buckley for granted. No reason. Anytime he needs it - Buck's there. Nice epiphany, nice timing. So nice. If he were Buck he would hate himself. Like Eddie-self, hell that's hard.

If he can say it right now? In all that crappy movies Buck likes there's always a person who confesses on the death bed. For like half an hour straight. Really cheesy, really unrealistic. Eddie'd like to have so much time and strength but he apparently has not.

"I'm... glad...to hear... that. You... think...so...but... I'm not. I'm...i just need...to rest... For a... moment "

It's harder to proceed talking. Or keep himself above the water.

"No! Please, go on, talk, for fuck sake, Edds!"

He tries. He really does. He just closes his eyes but it's fine. It would be fine.

"Chris won't... won't be... alone. It...was..nice...to know you... guys. Like a family... really "

He hears Buck swears furiously. And...it sounds like stones are trembling around.

"There's some problem but we're coming, Diaz. Stay with us!"

"Yep. You're not gonna die there, not on my watch!"

Interesting, what that's supposed to mean, Evan.

Bobby is mad at him. Why, exactly? They are all mad at him. Not the perfect decision for them to be fair. Kinda hurt. He saved the day. If he would not have cut his rope there would be two of them drowning. Bobby won't be glad, he was devastated last time Buck was in trouble. So Edds's kinda hero actually. Again. Might get another medal. Would be fun.

"Buck...i... I need you..to know..."

"I don't want to! Don't do this! We'll talk when you're here, Eddie, just hold on! Please!"

Interesting...if Buck also feel something now? Like... A pity? Cause hell Eddie's pathetic now.

"That's... Kinda become now or.. never... moment.. you have...you have to know..."

He's panting and they hear it, definitely. And Buck hears it too. Hell he is pathetic.

"I'm... desperately guilty before.. before you Evan... I'm... I'm sorry... and... i...."

He tried to turn off the radio but can't keep it in his hands. Device touches the cold water surface same second Eddie's head slide under it. Radio chokes on screaming.

"Eddie. Eddie! Diaz! Report! Diaz!"

Silence.

***

"He can drown there, speed up!"

"Buck, easy, you're gonna hurt yourself"

Da fuck he is.

"He's there, Bobby, and his son is waiting for him home and I'm interested how would you possibly explain it to Chris if Eddie's not coming back? So let me go there! Give me the god damn rope! Eddie! Edds I'm coming down, don't you dare die there! You owe me an explanation!"

Bobby exhales. Yes, explaining that to Chris would be a nightmare. But the worst nightmare would be seeing Buck. Every day. With these eyes full of pain and something else he doesn't want to know. Buck's so obvious now.

***

Cold water is actually more refreshing then he could even imagine. Or it's the legendary 'second breath' or he just so humiliated by now that even dying would be too good - Eddie is not sure. There's still not enough oxygen to breathe normally but who cares. He can't just die here making Buck hear it.

Radio is obviously dead but he is obviously not. And he definitely hears screams.

"Eddie! For fuck sake where are you?! I'm coming!"

He even see the light. And surprisingly not that light like afterlife, it's a flashlight

"Here... I'm still here!"

It's all messed up in his head and he watches it from aside. Buck buckle him up to the rope, pulling out from the water, dragging him to the fresh air and putting on the mask.

It's overwhelming, too much - Eddie coughs profusely. And Buckley is obviously teared up.

"Hey Eddie. It was close. You should not do that kind of stuff. You have the order, you execute it, no messing around!"

"Cut it, Bobby. Give him some time! We're heading to the ER"

Eddie takes off his oxygen mask

"Thanks. I was pretty sure I'll die there this time"

And that somehow drives Evan insane

"I KNOW! I HEAR IT ALL ALONG, YOU JUST TALKING NONSENSE AND PANTING AND THEN YOU FELL SILENT I THOUGHT MY HEART IS GONNA COLLAPSE! HOW FUCKING DARE YOU DO THIS?!"

Is it normal that Eddie's somehow flattered by this? He sure knows Buckley was worried but not like that?

"Sorry? I can.. explain. Just need to rest for a moment."

He feels dizzy. And yet he is kinda calm slipping off, away from feelings.

"Eddie?!"

***

"He needs some rest. We discharge him tomorrow, for now he's just staying here for observation. And then he can go home and proceed resting"

"Thanks, doc. Give me a call when we can take him home"

"No. I'll take him. Anyway I'll be with Chris. Oh, and now you wake up. Don't you maybe wanna talk?!"

Buck is mad as hell. Actually Eddie is not sure he ever saw Buck that mad.

"No? I'm fine, thanks"

"Diaz. You are so troubled we definitely need to discuss your behaviour, i thought i have only one child in the team. Apparently i was wrong. But it can wait. Get better."

Okay, Bobby is also mad. Da fuck are they all mad? Nobody died! It would be so much easier.

Bobby left the room, leaving this two alone.

"I'm gonna go home, Chris must be worried as hell. Give me a call when they push you out, you still owe me an explanation."

And then he just go away. Like so.

Eddie is a mess. So much feelings he just can't process right now. Does Evan even think when he speaks? He goes home. But it should be Eddie's home? Maybe it is just short way to call it? Man how did he get here. He was married! He dated girls. Ana. And this... God, how come he forgets her name every time.

Buck also had girlfriends. It didn't go well, but still.

And does he actually need to explain himself? Fuck this.

***

Of course they discharge him unexpectedly. Well, or he just convinced them that he is totally fine. Who cares. Of course he decided not to call anyone. Of course he's now standing in front of his own house and of course he is clearly afraid to come in. What the actual hell. It's his house!

It's quite, as expected. It's six in the morning. Chris should be sleeping. Eddie, trying to be as quiet as he can, rushes to kid's room. Yes. He's sleeping. Eddie kisses him on the forehead. Man, he was ready to leave him.

Ok, but where's Buck? Did he return to the loft? Eddie should maybe send him a message. He's gonna do it, just after he takes a shower.

Or not. That's a surprise.

Buck's here. In Eddie's bed to be specific. And he is awake, curled up on Eddie's pillow and silently sobbing.

"Erm.. good morning?"

Ok, now he is unexpected guest in his own house, judging by Evan's reaction.

"What the hell are you doing here? You should be in hospital!"

"You'll be surprised. But i live here. Surprise."

If this isn't the first time - that's probably why his bedsheets sometimes smell like Buck. Not that he's complaining, just observation.

"I know. I mean... You know what i mean!"

Observation two. Buck is somehow still mad.

"Not really, but let's leave it aside. If you're asking how did i get here - i took an uber. And i didn't want to wake you up, sleep. I just take my towel"

"And then you'll be back here."

No, he's not

"I'm well rested, so no, i don't want to bother your sleep. And i still have a couch if i need, you know?"

He's lying again. He lives the life full of lies.

"It wasn't a question if you missed it."

Buck is mad mad, it's so not him it is scary.

"Okay. Buck... Did you cry?"

"Doesn't matter! Just take a shower already!"

Well that was the fastest shower he has ever had and no he didn't rush. He just likes it that way. Life full of lies!

Buck is sitting in his bed teasing a pillow and waiting. And he is... He is so... You can't want to kiss your friend but can you at least hug him?

"Hi?"

"Eddie. Who do you think you are?"

That's new.

"What do you mean right now?"

Buck is... blushing?!

"Who do you think you are for me?"

He knows the answer. Kinda

"Well, i recall you saying we are best friends, so I'll go with that. What's your point?"

"... That's all?"

It's obviously not but how could he even think about telling so? How would it sound?

"I don't really get where are you going with that."

Buck exhales

"Fine. Fine. As you wish. I just..."

"Buck, stop. You just what?"

"I kinda thought... about things"

"And didn't like it? You'll get used to the process"

"Oh, shut up, Eddie! I thought about my life, you know. Without you"

The more you know, really. Eddie doesn't need to think about it. He lived it. All the time Buckley was to ICU after lightning. Plus three fucking minutes and seventeen fucking seconds he really had to live without him. He hates it. Every moment of it.

"And? Your life would be so much better that now you feel low key sorry for saving me?"

"O my god Eddie! Can you please stop it? I try to say something really important here, why do you hate me?!"

"I don't. Really. It's more the opposite. I love you"

So, he said that. It wasn't that bad! Well, but now Buckley's gonna try to say something in return, it's gonna be awkward, and that would be how he lost his best friend. Maybe he really should have died there.

Frank definitely would say that he is depressed if he really thinks that death is a valid option. Who cares!

Buck meanwhile keeps silent. And cry. Why the hell is he crying now? Is it so awful to be loved by Eddie Diaz? Well, most probably yes.

"Buck?!"

"Sorry. I'm sorry. It's fine, i just... You said that you're an awful friend but you're not. And... You love me. As a good friend should."

"Evan. I didn't say i love you as a friend, thanks for noticing. I said that I'm an awful friend cause i love you not as a friend. I love you like you are the meaning of my life love you. I'm in love with you."

"Why?"

Who knew Evan Buckley is a philosopher now?

"Cause you.. it's you, o my god, that is the silliest question i ever refused to answer!"

Buck loudly inhales, like he's gonna jump into the deep water

"You are my best friend, Edmundo. But that's the top of the iceberg. You are, basically, all my life. I love you so fucking much and yesterday you tried to kill yourself in front of me. Are you insane?"

Eddie blinks, feels...oh, he has no idea, what exactly he feels right now. Everything

"Say what now?"

"I asked, are you insane."

"Before that!"

"Keep it low. You'll wake up Chris! I said i love you. Why are you acting so strange, didn't you know that? I was sure I'm obvious"

"You're not... I did not... Hell no. So you tell me... What the hell, Buck?!"

Ok, but now you certainly can kiss your friend. It would be appropriate. And, presumably, highly appreciated. Buck looks like a stray dog right now. Like he was rejected. But he so much wasn't. He even speaks sad!

"I don't know"

"I know. And, as long as you're still in my bed - or should i start calling it our bed? - I'm gonna lie down. But first - I'm gonna kiss you. If you have something against it - speak now or hold your peace"

Now Buck's definitely blushing. It fits him. Anything fits him.

"How could i possibly decline your offer? I mean... If it is fine with you, cause i don't want you to feel like I'm pressing you, just if you want..."

Eddie definitely can't wait any longer. He's actually proud of himself that he waited for this long. And somehow disappointed, like so much time wasted. Anyway..

Is it strange to think that Evans face is perfectly fits to his palms?

Not that Diaz is very experienced in kissing boys, not that there's so much difference but there is. Or, probably, there's one major difference. It's Evan.

He feels Bucks hands clinging to his back, biting Bucks lower lip and then there's the sound. Muffled moaning, running down Eddies spine.

"Mierda, Evan!"

He's old. Well, fine, at least he's adult. Should be responsible and reasonable. What should he not certainly be doing right now is pulling Bucks shirt off, literally reaping off the buttons with his shaking fingers and yet there heis.

"Eddie... "

He's not going to stop anyway just because, to be fair, he just physically can't stop right now. And based on Buckleys reaction he should not stop. Still

"Eddie, Chris is sleeping! We need... O my god"

Hickey on the neck also fits Buck perfectly. Noted

"I closed the door and he is a heavy sleeper. I've checked"

"You... You just ran from hospital. You could die yesterday... Geez, Edds, give me that!"

Give him what? His heart, soul and everything? He gave it so long ago it's hard to remember specific day

"Your stupid t-shirt why did you ever bother to put it on?!"

***

Bobby woke up from the message. It's Chris. That's strange, something with Eddie? In that case Buck should have called first.

He looked on the screen and

"Bobby, your laugh is sweet but if you didn't notice i was sleeping, what could be so funny that..."

Athena is not a morning person, definitely, so instead of answer Bobby just shows her his phone. With a picture on the screen

"Is that... Finally!"

"That's what i said. It's been... how long? Anyway, strict conversation is waiting for them both. After."

"Of course. Do you know you act like a proud father right now? It's kinda... Spicy. Come here!"

#buddie 911 #buck x eddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #buddie #911 fandom #911 fic #911 fanfic #911 ao3

[elaine-abroad]

Volume 5 Part 2

The most anticipated part of the week was my trip to Busan. There was a lot of switching up with the original plan which was to go for the weekend with Grace and Bianca. It ended up being that Bianca was staying the whole weekend, I was only going for a day, and Grace wasn’t going at all.

I remember being obsessed with the movie Train to Busan a couple years ago. Vivian and I even made both of our families watch it. It felt surreal to take the same exact route from Seoul Station to Busan Station.

Our already long 3 hour ride was delayed so we ended up getting there an hour after, at around 2:20 pm. I knew it was going to be a long day as my return ride was leaving shortly after 10 pm so we had to hustle. We took this mini tour bus to one of the cultural villages. The bus ride was absolutely insane and ten times worse than the worst MBus driver. 

The actual village was super pretty and nice to look at. It was refreshing to see so much color in one space and on buildings after being surrounded by bland high rises in Seoul. This layout reminded me a lot of San Francisco and Capitola Beach. It was very quiet too which was nice.

Bianca told me this was where a lot of refugees went to live after the Korean War so it was a lot more traditional than the trendy cafes and buildings elsewhere. The village was painted and decorated as a part of the Village Art Project, and has become a tourist attraction since. There were a lot of houses and old people there.

My favorite part was this trinket shop near the entrance. There was this cute golden retriever dog named Honey Jar and there was a sign that said to call him Jar.

The entrance had all the fun foods and snacks as the rest of the village was mostly houses and older restaurants.

I liked how there were little stories behind parts of the village. This stairway was called Stairway to See Stars because people would feel dizzy when going up the 148 steps with heavy loads on their backs.

We couldn’t stay too long at the village and booked it to the beach. Apparently Haeundae Beach is the most famous beach in Busan, but it was a little underwhelming. I’m sure the night view is more impressive than what we saw though. It just looked like sand on the side of the road, but it was peaceful. Swimming wasn’t even permitted, but I did see people surfing at the coast.

Bianca’s kind of an old man and likes to do old people things. Busan is her type of life. She would love it to sit on the beach, hike mountains, go fishing, and watch the sunset every day of her life. She says she just walks and walks when she’s traveling alone and gets up to 20-30,000 steps. She told me she was going to climb a mountain the next day.

It wasn’t long before our beach train time slot. 

We rode sideways and saw the water. It was pretty, but nowhere near as nice as our sky capsule ride.

We booked a ride from 7:30 - 8 pm and it was actually the most perfect timeslot. We got to see the entire sunset and night lights.

We got off at the Blue Line Park which was filled with lights.

We both wanted to try authentic raw marinated crabs, but all the crab restaurants closed at 8 so we couldn’t get them. We opted for this porridge place that also served seafood dishes. Again, I’m not big into seafood, but we were in Busan so we felt obligated.

I got this bean sprout hangover soup which had an abalone in it. It was my first time trying an abalone.

Anyways I was really nervous about traveling back by myself. Bianca was so nice and took a taxi with me back to the station before going to her hotel. Once I got there I found out that my train departure was being delayed by half an hour. I waited by myself and eventually boarded. It was very scary because I had booked the last train from Busan to Seoul of the night so I couldn’t afford to mess up.

Luckily I did not mess up and got to Seoul at around 1:30 am. I immediately felt a lot safer there than Busan. I don’t know why but Busan was a little scary. We passed by buildings with totally busted windows and a lot of the city looked less populated/abandoned. There were also a significantly less amount of traffic lights which was intimidating. 

The subway didn’t start again until 5 am and I didn’t want to call a taxi/get in by myself so I walked about 40 minutes back to campus. It honestly wasn’t even that bad because of all the street lights. There were still shop owners out cleaning up and people walking around.

I came back and took the whole day to sleep and rest. Grace and I went to the witch restaurant again, but this time in Hongdae because there looked to be more menu options. We also wanted the blue blood bag drink this time. 

I got this mummy pizza that was pretty good. One thing stood out to me and that was that all of the pizzas said that they were made with pastry dough. That was true as it was super flaky. I was able to eat more that way which was nice. It’s interesting to see how everything in Korea is made to be sweet. I know that a lot of my classmates aren’t real big fans of that.

Seeing as I leave very soon, I am trying to get one more full day of fun. I’m really disappointed that the Ewha merch shop has been closed for the rest of the month because I wasn’t able to buy anything. 

It’s definitely been an experience I’ll never forget, but I do want to go home.

-Elaine

[amethystina]

Who Holds the Devil was a significant part of my 2022. Surely less than yours, but still very important. Its now a year I have start reading it and it's the first time I follow a fic for this long. It's quite a cathartic experience. THAT SAID, happy 2023. May something bring you all the excitement that you offer me chapter by chapter.

Happy 2023 to you too!

It's honestly a little strange to think that my writing can become such an important part of someone else's life, but I'm also thrilled that I can give you all something to enjoy and look forward to. I know it sounds cheesy, but I truly love making other people happy. Even if this specific fanfic is... well, it's a slow and incredibly long one, isn't it? xD

I admit it felt like I hadn't written much this year since Who Holds the Devil still is nowhere near finished, but when I sat down to count it actually ended up being around 180 000 words in total (if you include Yo Han's POV). Which I think most people can agree is a lot. I guess it's easy to forget just how much I've accomplished when I only see how much is still ahead of me.

Anyway! Thank you so, so much for sticking with it for so long. I can't even imagine what it's like having to wait for each chapter the way you all do, especially with my uneven uploading schedule. You're all so patient and lovely and I'm truly blown away by the kindness and support you've all shown me. Who Holds the Devil is, without a doubt, the fic I've received the most encouragement and engagement on — this fandom truly is amazingly generous. And I'm incredibly humbled, especially considering that the fic isn't even finished yet and is, well, only getting longer and longer (though I know exactly where I'm going).

As I've mentioned before, my biggest fear with this fic is that people will tire of it before it's finished. I have a lot planned — Yo Han and Ga On finally getting together isn't even the end — and it's... daunting. And kind of scary. It's so long and so complex and while I love it with every fibre of my being, I have this irrational fear of it becoming dreadfully boring to everyone but me. I know that isn't likely to happen, but our brains rarely listen to reason.

Either way, I'm hoping to write more next year, though I in no way blame myself for having to cut down on the pace this year. More than one close family member has died, long covid is still going strong, I've had issues with my hands, and, this morning — as a final fuck you from 2022, I guess — I fell down the stairs x'D Only three to fours steps, thankfully, and I will without doubt recover, but I'm also bruised, in pain, and very much done with 2022 now.

Above all else, I want to make sure to be more deliberate with what I spend my time on this coming year. I've got so many projects and so many things I want to do and I can't wait to make them a reality! :D The question is really how I'm supposed to have time for them all, but I guess that's a problem for future me.

Okay, this response became a little longer than planned. I guess I'm a little chatty after spending so much time away from the internet or something x'D

SO. Thank you again and I wish you a wonderful 2023, too. Take care, darling <3

Happy New Year, everyone!

#Amethystina Replies #little-arcadia #I really didn't plan for Who Holds the Devil to become THIS long #And now we'll all just have to work our way through it together I guess #The amazing part is that I'm still not tired of it #Like #I don't write on it as actively as I would like #(which is the part I'm hoping to fix during 2023) #But I'm also nowhere near bored with it or have lost steam in any way #Let's see how long I can keep going I guess? #Hopefully until the very end #Whenever that comes

[worstfuture]

#001: The Pet Project

A short story about purpose and the creative process.

After 8 months of tiring, stressful, monotonous work, we did it. We had the app, its front-end and back-end vigorously tested, all the legal questions answered and all the user-end contracts written up - no loopholes or potential for misinterpretation. The Pet Project was ready to go live, and it was most definitely not a cult. Legally, anyway.

It came to you at your worst. A way to solve all the floundering and hopelessness you couldn't escape, to give people like yourself an actual purpose. Half dating app, half adoption service, half maid-for-hire posting board, full of sly dogwhistles targeting only the most damaged of people like you. Using the app itself didn't bind or ensnare you in anything insidious - it was exactly as it described itself to be. But it provided the resources, the contracts and the framework, to form the kinds of relationships you longed for - someone to live for, in a place where you'd finally be safe.

It wasn't the kind of thing you could fund easily, though. It was all done out of your own pocket. You had some rudimentary programming knowledge, though it hadn't seen any use for years - the first couple of months were fruitless, producing only a handful of scrapped client prototypes and some amateurish logo designs. It was a bitter pill, but you swallowed it and went out looking for help.

None of them could really know what they were working on. It was too important, and you knew they'd question the ethics. So you hired three of them, set yourself up as the project manager, and told them you were handling everything else yourself. They never knew each other, even now.

There was Maya, and she handled the legal side. You met her once at a careers fair, when you were strongarmed into representing your company as a "great example of our diversity practices". Meeting her helped stave off the anxiety, and as far as you could tell, she only clocked you from the trans flag pin they had you wear. You hit it off with her pretty easily, though you couldn't match her bubbly enthusiasm, either for legal studies or the trans life as a whole. After a couple dates that went nowhere, you kept in touch somewhat.

Hearing a very rough pitch for your idea, her giddy enthusiasm reared its head again, though you couldn't really answer many of her questions at all. She wanted to know everything, and that... Just wasn't a good idea. Still, she was more than happy to help, even offering to work for less than your lowball offer - you felt bad, but she flat out refused to take any more from you. You made sure to pay for the coffee, the drinks, the movie, every time you met with her after that - it was her enjoyment of the whole thing that drove you forwards some days.

Dani was someone you'd known since you were around 15, who only ever referred to herself as an "autistic failson" - and given everything she told you about her life, you'd struggle to say she was wrong. You met on one of the many failed forums she'd set up and taken down over the years, places she'd tried to establish a community of trans girls unlike all the others - and when they devolved into long threads of dysphoria posting and drama, she'd scrap the whole thing, redirect the domain to gore videos, and start up a new one. The most success she'd had was on her discord server, but she refused to see that as a community. She wanted to make something independent, aesthetically pleasing, and just a little bit scary - she was the perfect fit for your backend developer.

You tried to keep her in the dark about what you were really making, but she twigged pretty quickly. She knew you, and you'd spent years back-and-forth spitballing psychosexual concepts. She was on board immediately, and she was convinced it would change the world. It wouldn't, but with how passionately she talked about it, you almost found yourself believing her.

Then there was Jade. Jade was someone you always had a bad feeling about, even now. At first, she seemed... Normal. Like, really, really normal. Cis, but as well, just... A normie. You didn't really get a lot of her jokes, or references, or... Anything she said, but she was nice to you. You were both assigned to do pair programming when you first got your job, and she was always asking things you didn't really know how to answer. What it's like being you, how you dress when you're not at work, what pills you take, and so on. It was clear she clocked you from day one, but it was clear she meant well. She was the only person you really talked to at work, but it's not like you had anything in common. Or so you thought.

You and her usually went for drinks after work at the end of the week, and by the end of the night, she'd disappeared with someone she'd met that night, and you'd be left to get yourself home. She'd never bring it up or talk about it either, so you figured that was just... Normal for her. It was like that every time, until the one night she got way too drunk. She could barely stand, and you knew from the stares you were getting, they either wanted her out, or they thought you'd spiked her. When the bouncer at the door asked if she knew the "guy" she was going home with, something must have clicked in her. Immediately, she seemed to regain her senses. She practically exploded, yelling "what fucking guy?", singing her "bestie's" praises in one sentence and threatening to outright kill the next person to give her shit in the other. Soon as you got in the taxi, she was practically crying, trying to wipe away your nonexistent tears and comfort you with threats towards anyone who even looks at you wrong. All... Oddly sober.

When the cab got to her place, she hurried you in with her, refusing to hear no for an answer. And when you saw her flat, it all clicked into place. Dog cage, gaming PC, RGB lighting, razors on the nightstand, straight up porn framed on the walls. Before you could ask about any of it, she'd grabbed your hand, led you to the bed, and pushed you onto it. Then, she asked you that question, the one you're still working out how to answer; "Please tell me, how fucked up are you?"

You didn't get a chance to respond. You froze up while she stared at you after that. Then... Nothing. Her gaze relaxed, and her hand drifted from her purse to her head, clutching it like she was thinking. You tried to ask her if she was okay, before she cut you off, snarling "I'm fine". The silence after that was deafening. Then suddenly, she resumed the drunk act, making sure to state how drunk she was, slurring her words while asking if you wanted to crash there tonight. She curled up on the bed, facing away from you, grabbing your arm and wrapping hers around it. You laid there for what felt like hours, surveying the room, all the illustrated porn on the walls, the tablet on her desk, before working up the courage to ask her.

"Hey."

"Mmh?"

"I'm working on something big. Wanna help?"

"What is it?"

And you told her everything. And with every detail, she sat more upright, her eyes widening, watching, listening, with her look of fascination turning to a trance-like wonder as you veered into the reasons why you wanted, no, needed to make this. And she got it. She didn't ask any questions about it. She said yes. But with one condition.

"When it's all done, can you help me with mine?"

You asked what. She was silent. Finally, she shook her head.

"I'll tell you when we're done with yours."

And like that, you had your artist. You never talked about that night again, but the project was underway. For the rest of its duration, you never talked about anything else, and you never talked to anyone else. You fulfilled your duties doing the front-end, with Dani on the back end, consulting with Maya for the legal side, and working with Jade to bring the aesthetics all together.

And just like that, it was done.

You weren't really sure how to feel. There was nothing more to do. You never really had a plan for advertising, other than dropping it into some trans spaces and letting word of mouth do its thing. And now... It scared you.

What even was this thing? Some kink-as-a-lifestyle dating app? A way to sign yourself up for a hyperspecific contract-bound fantasy? An adoption app for fully grown adults? Hell, who the fuck would even use this? Roleplayers, abusers, people who don't know what they're getting themselves into? It's all there, but the concept itself is... Shaky at best. What the fuck?

You had to ask them. Maya at least deserves to know what she's been working on. Maybe they'll have ideas.

Maya was... Honestly, kind of horrified. Half because of the thing itself, but moreso because you'd been lying to her all this time. She really thought it was just something for trans people to find trans live-in maids, for a little bit of kinky fun. When you tried to explain why you wanted to make it, she just got worried. About you. She didn't really know what to make of it all, but she wanted to be here for you, and... Yeah, no. You don't want to be pitied. You dipped from that one.

Dani still thought it'd change the world. There's tons of trans girls out there who want this, on both sides, so why wouldn't it be a good thing? Apart from, yknow, everything you just said. She didn't want to hear it. She was convinced you were just flaking because you didn't really want to deal with the obligations of being a "webmaster", whatever the fuck that meant. Fuck her, she's literally a jannie.

And Jade... Kind of got it. She said she understood, but a lot of work went into this, and it's not the kind of thing that could be easily repurposed. And she raised a good point - it doesn't need to launch now. We could wait on it. And... She got at something you hadn't really thought about. Maybe having some purpose made this whole thing seem a little... Redundant. So with time, it might seem important again. But if it's purpose that you wanted, she had something. Her thing.

So you asked.

And she's going to tell you. At her place, tomorrow. You're both calling in sick to work, and making a day of it. She hasn't really let on yet, but she says you'll find it's... Kind of the right call, really.

Sounds fun.

#empty spaces #short story #dollposting #writings.txt

[aztsha-at4am]

Hello and welcome!

Hey, what's up? Welcome to my tumblr page. I'm putting an introduction here in the small occasion that I just *might* post some of my written works. Highly unlikely after the embarrassment of wattpad, though T-T

Interests

TEARS OF THEMIS is my current obsession, I've been playing since it came out globally. My favourites are Luke and Marius, but I like Marius just a teensy bit more.

MYSTIC MESSENGER is something I've liked for a long while, I just can't seem to get rid of it LMAO Anyways, 707 >>>

OTHER OTOMES I ♡ INCLUDE...Dangerous Fellows, Mayday Memory (I love it so much) , Obey Me (I still can't decide on a favourite and it's been two years😭) , My Horse Prince , The Prison Boys (not an otome, still great tho) , and uhh that's all I remember so far LMAO

I love to go out, whether it be for a walk, trip to the mall, grocery shopping or even for a trip. Travelling is what I will always look forward to. I feel unproductive when just sitting in my room all day, doing almost nothing. I hate it👊

I LOVE, LIKE ABSOLUTELY ADORE Costco soup dumplings. They are so good, I could eat them for the rest of my LIFE if I had to.

Lightning round! ⚡️

I've watched ANIME for years! Current favourites are Fruits Basket 2019 and Spy x Family. I'm loving the manga for Toilet Bound right now, and I can never get enough of Hak from Yona of the Dawn.

KOREAN DRAMAS always got me kicking my legs, dramatic romances know how get to me! Current favourites include Doom At Your Service, Strong Woman DBS, and Meteor Garden 2018 (Yes I'm aware it's chinese but I still love all the drama that happened even if it was extremely unnecessary🤭) .

KPOP is my go to music genre, the groups I usually listen to are SEVENTEEN , TXT, BTS, RED VELVET, and STAYC.

I also like JPOP/VOCALOID , no favourite artists though! I love the songs Kagerou Daze, Additional Memory and Bug.

I love RHYTHM GAMES , they are my ride or die video game. I've played BanG Dream! , Project Sekai (both jpn and eng) , Osu, Cytoid (does anyone even know this?😭) and ofc, Piano Tiles.

I love playing Roblox Horror Games even if I tell my friend to go first, it's scary but the only kind of roblox game I find amusing (probably bc we're screaming while shitting our pants? /j )

I like ur mom

Might add more, cause there is way more things I like but I'll probably just do that if I ever post anything. Ure probs never gonna see this again so bye bye👋

Edit: This is extremely outdated, but updating it will take too long💀 So um. Yeah but if I'm being completely honest I think I might post on here..who knows🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

IF I ENDED UP posting some of my writing, then below should be my masterlist? If there isn't then nothing to see here!

#introductory post #hey everyone #lol bye

[vrronica-sawyer]

i've seen you post about jd and heather duke's mental health a lot but what do you think is going on with veronica? clearly something is but i dont know what.

Firstly the way you worded that is hilarious,

Anyway I think it's clear she's depressed and that was the intention canonically, but looking back at her as an adult whole emotional attachment to Heathers as a whole stemmed from Veronica being the most accurately I've ever felt represented as a mentally ill teenager when I first saw it, I view her as having BPD. You could say it's self projection obviously but almost all the symptoms and behavior she displays that made me feel so seen by the character are the symptoms I learned later in life are BPD.

The depressive episodes turned constant emptiness, the impulsivity usually revolving around self destruction, and her entire relationship with the Heathers and the problems she has with them at the start of the story all just scream borderline to me. Going from being someone's best friend for years and (according to chandler) being okay with their bad behavior and finding it funny to all of a sudden hating them and thinking they're a bad person when their behavior hasnt changed and Veronica's worldview and personality really hadnt either sounds a lot like splitting to me. Most people's idea of splitting is the opposite, when people talk about it they always talk about the scary concept of you being a good kind friend and then your scary borderline friend has an episode and makes you out to be the devil on a whim, but a lot of what I've experienced is that because of the black and white perception of people the disorder causes I will meet someone who is really really not great, treats me very poorly and has a million red flags, but because they were nice or entertaining in our first couple interactions all bad behavior of theirs is completely excusable if not invisible to me until either they do something big enough to trigger my splitting on them or I just have an episode and in this case it ends up being a good thing (for that relationship at least). So like when I was younger and unaware I had bpd i would look at Veronica's relationship with the Heathers and didn't question it at all, I was like yeah sometimes youre very close with terrible people for a very long time until you realize the things they've been doing are bad even though you... wouldve morally thought those things were bad from the start. I never understood why people questioned Veronica's logic in the situation or didnt realize from context clues they were supposed to have been close friends at the start of the movie.

Same with her handling of the JD situation, she goes from encouraging and going along with things to very against it and angry that he would even think shes okay with it all without vocalizing any of this to him once because the jumps happening in her head make sense to her and it doesnt occur to her to communicate these things to him.

And again just the overall emptiness, anger, self harm and recklessness, all that very much reads as BPD to me. Most of it overlaps with depression but most symptoms of depression are also symptoms of the disorder, plus its very rare that bpd and a form of clinical depression aren't comorbid.

Though I do want to note that there is a reason BPD is avoided as a diagnoses for teenagers around Veronica's age, a lot of the symptoms stem from emotional dysregulation that you can also experience just from being a teenager with a developing brain and unstable adolescent hormones and it's debated on how long it takes for the disorder to develop, some people believe it grows from having something like depression untreated as a child/teen and doesnt fully form until adulthood. That is to say,,, teenagers reading this if you also relate to these things I listed I'm not telling you that you have borderline personality disorder, nor am I saying Veronica has it canonically. This is just my opinion as someone who related to the portrayal of depression and mental illness that is Veronica Sawyer as a teen who later learned what my specific disorder was, giving me a certain bias context for hers.

#ask to tag #self harm mention / #but its literally just the concept of it lmao #heathers analysis

[flirting-with-psychology]

Survey by Robotease

Do you like zombie movies?

Not really

What’s the grossest/worst thing you’ve ever seen in a public restroom?

Probably vomit

What’s the most wasteful thing you regularly do?

Throw away recyclables because my apartment doesn't have recycling

What’s the most difficult apology you’ve ever had to give?

Not sure, probably apologizing for breaking something as a kid or teen

What’s the worst relationship advice you’ve ever seen?

That asking out someone I like is desperate but looking for a hookup at a club isn't

Have you ever volunteered in a hospital? If not, would you ever want to?

No and no

What was your worst Halloween costume?

Probably just re-wearing one because I couldn't think of something new

Who has/had the worst reputation in your graduating class?

I probably don't know them, I hung out with the nerds

When was the first time you can remember feeling mature?

Never

Have you ever had a disappointing Christmas, or any disappointing holiday if you don’t celebrate Christmas?

Yeah, when I was trying to get over someone

Do you have any character bandaids in your house right now, or just plain ones?

Just plain ones

Have you ever had to give a pet away?

No, but there was a dog we almost adopted, brought her home for a trial period, but had to bring her back because she didn't get along with our cat

What’s the junkiest junk food you’ve ever eaten?

Idk probably like funnel cake or something

Did you play pretend a lot as a child? Were there any recurring plots or themes?

Yes, lots of animals and princesses

How do you feel about runny egg yolks?

Yum

Has a teacher ever tried to teach you something that was undeniably wrong?

Yeah

If for some reason you had to give up one of your hobbies, which would you choose?

Maybe wood burning, I'm kinda getting tired of it anyway. Or being on my phone all the time lol

Have you ever hidden a relationship from your family?

No

How much do you know about first aid?

Not much

Which of your relatives do you know the least about?

The ones on my mom's side

Have you ever meditated? If so, did it do anything for you?

Tried a little but I didn't like it, it's too hard to clear my brain and then I just get bored

Have you ever given advice to someone who was much older than you?

Yeah sometimes to my parents

Have you ever used a view-master?

I don’t know what that is

Do you ever listen to talk radio or podcasts? If you do, what are some of your favorite shows?

Occasionally. I like Every Single Album: Taylor Swift

When was the last time you got ice cream from a truck?

Last summer

Are any of your favorite bands broken up or on hiatus right now?

Not that I know of

Do you know any sex workers? If so, how do they feel about their job?

I know a former stipper, she was positive about it

What’s the biggest art project you’ve ever attempted? How did it go?

My Detroit: Become Human costume. Went pretty well but it took forever

What kind of wild animals do you see most frequently where you live?

Squirrels and birds

Have you ever cooked anything other than s’mores over a fire?

Maybe?

Are there any items in your house that you use for something other than its intended purpose?

We have an instant pot still in its box that we use as a coffee table

What do you hope the afterlife is like?

I don't believe in the afterlife, I would like to believe in reincarnation or the afterlife from The Good Place (at the end) but neither are probably true

What’s the worst behavior you’ve ever seen from a child?

Bullying

Have you ever planned an act of revenge?

A little but never went through with it

Do you and your parents share any of the same hobbies?

My mom and I like going antique shopping together

Do you think it’s more exciting or scary to get older?

Scary

How was the reception of the last wedding you attended?

Kinda lame tbh, there was no dancing or booze so we all just went to the hotel bar

Do you have any physical photo albums?

Yes, old ones

Would you feel comfortable working at a sex shop?

No

Who was the worst friend you ever had?

A girl who cut me off randomly

What’s the biggest sacrifice you’ve ever made?

Not sure, I'm pretty selfish

Have you ever campaigned for a political candidate, or otherwise played an active role in an election?

No

What’s the coolest hand-me-down you’ve ever gotten? What about the best one you’ve ever given?

Gotten, probably some dresses from my friend's grandma. I haven't really given any hand-me-downs other than my baby crib but that was really my parents giving it away

Do your parents and grandparents get along with each other?

They did

#survey

[minachan95-written-works-on-ao3]

Title : Perishing Little Flame on Winding Road (Chapter 7. Epilogue. Part 2)

Fandom: King of Fighters

Characters : Kyo Kusanagi, Kyo-1, Kyo-2, Kusanagi, Iori Yagami

Summary:

<…>…This imitation frowns and says in sad tone while starring at this Kusanagi ‘‘Hey, big bro, it’s your fault that we are given a life, which we didn’t asked for. How about it’s time to take some responsibility for your actions? So, let’s see who is really a freak and deserve to die or live…’’…<…> One day clones meets their archetype by an accident. How this encounter end? Read and find out.

AO3 Link

A week has passed since this replica was discharged from hospital. Even now staying in Yagami’s place didn’t seem as bad as he expected. At least this man isn’t that scary or violent as this clone feared. So, that cold piercing gaze may still remain yet gradually this redhead even started to exchange one or two phrases with Shiro. Maybe Kyo was right that this man isn’t that bad as may sound.

However, today this brunette have planned something different today. It seems that after telling about this, Kyo wasn’t so happy about it yet later on approved his decision. That’s right, Shiro wanted to visit clone graveyard and then telling ‘good-bye’ to his bros and ‘Nagi. So, after putting a pair of snickers, this clone was off. Fortunately, he could still recall the route from hospital to the graveyard. So, the bigger issue now was to find the way to hospital, thankfully for Kyo’s explanation, he shouldn’t get lost…hopefully.

After long wandering this clone reached the cemetery. It took couple hours to find the way yet now it was already a sunset. So, before going further, he wanted to let Kyo know what happened and that there is no reason to worry. After texting a quick message, he putted his cellphone back to the one of pants’ pockets and continued walking. Apparently, the cemetery was tidied up since that encounter. However, who done this? Were it some of the clones or could it be ‘Nagi himself? Or so now wondered this replica. In any case, first, he need to pay a visit for his brothers. Would they recognize him and how they going to react after not seeing after such a long time? This what made Shiro curious as he continued his way.

Meanwhile Yagami was carefully studying some kind of papers on the couch until he was disturbed by a phone call. Whoever was it, it has lot of guts to bother him in such a fine afternoon, or so told to himself this redhead as he lazily bends down towards coffee table to pick the cellphone. Apparently it was Kyo. Now he briefly answers in annoyed tone ‘‘Yes? What do you want?’’, it seems this Kusanagi sounded worried ‘‘Do me a favor, please…’’ after a short pause, Yagami could hear a sigh and this brunette continuing ‘‘Can you make sure that Shiro is fine? He just messaged me that he is fine yet even I can tell that something is fishy. What if he comes across that evil creature? Even if neither you or I don’t have a chance against him, then he may kill Shiro without blinking. So, can you check that no one would harm him during his trip?’’.

Iori only rolls his eyes at this request and backfires ‘‘Why can’t you do it by yourself? Just stop acting as worrywart parent and treating him as he was your child.’’. Of course, after this reply, this Kusanagi was speechless and remained silent. However, this brunette answers in slightly shaky tone ‘‘You know, I would not only kick your ass for this, but also later on I’ll make sure that you’ll beg that I would be merciful and gentler when…’’.

It seems that this brunette couldn’t finish this sentence and now this redhead playfully asks ‘‘When what?~’’. Kyo just back-fires with shyer tone ‘‘You better don’t wanna find out! ‘Cos then you’re screwed.’’ after a second he continues in serious tone ‘‘Anyway, I cannot be here now, ‘cos I have really important business to do. If I’m lucky enough, Shiro may not only have new identity, but also he could go out into public without worries. Finally, he may even get proper education and job.’’.

Yagami only sighs and replies ‘‘Fine. If that will stop you from whining, I’ll go. But where did he went?’’. Kyo simply answers ‘‘The same way where you found me and Shiro that day. He should be somewhere around there. So hurry up and if anything, call me, got it?’’as this redhead stands up, he replies ‘���You worry too much, idiot. I’ll bring him by his collar and then make sure that I won’t hear or see how you two cuddling. So, if you have nothing else to say, I’m ending.’’, lastly, this brunette says in gentler tone ‘‘…Thanks.’’ and Iori just murmured as he finishes the call ‘‘You idiot.’’. It can’t be helped that even today he won’t have a calm afternoon, so, the sooner he’ll find this stupid brat, the sooner he can rest in piece. And thus, after this redhead puts his usual outfit, he leaves.

In meantime, Shiro finally reached a familiar storage. Even if he have left only for such a brief time, all of sudden he felt nostalgia and missing everyone. So, without waiting any longer, he knocked into iron door. Of course, he was greeted by one of clones asking ‘‘Who is there?’’, this replica replied in calm tone ‘‘Can you open the door? It’s me - Shiro.’’ and now the iron door was slightly opened and it seems one of clones was carefully watching through the gap. After awhile the door was completely opened.

Apparently, behind the door was a clone in purple, who was still at awe yet looked so pale and now started to tremble. This replica’s eyes become teary as he speaks up in quiet yet shaky voice ‘‘Shiro…But Big Bro…He told that you…that you…why? How?’’, poor replica couldn’t continue anymore, it was too hard. Even so, Shiro pulled this clone into hug and told ‘‘It’s so nice to see you again, Sakura. I missed you all. Sorry, but I couldn’t come earlier, because I was sent to hospital.’’, however, there no reply from this replica in purple, all he could do letting be embraced until he gradually stopped trembling.

Now so-called Sakura slightly with-draws until he could see Shiro’s face and addresses the prototype ‘‘So, it’s really you. But then why did Big Bro told that you were killed by that man?…I don’t get it at all. However, what happened then?’’. This clone sighs as he ruffles fellow replica’s hair and answers ‘‘Maybe he was not happy that I listened to Kyo instead of him. I tried to say to him that what he does is wrong. So, I might understand why he is mad at me or why did lie to you. However, then ‘Nagi lied to me about what kind of person our original is and bad-mouthed Doctor. Even to this day he hides that note, which Doctor Makishima left for me-’’.

However, it seems that these two were disturbed by annoyed voice from inside the storage ‘‘Oi, Sakura, what’s taking that long? Or do you want to fix door frame again?’’. This clone in purple was released from Shiro’s hug and asks him ‘‘Come. Let’s quickly go inside.’’ and Sakura takes the prototype’s hand and prompts to go inside. When both were inside, they were greeted by a swarm of curious gazes. One of clones, who wore green uniform pointed out ‘‘Sa-sakura, what a hell is this?! There is a ghost of Shiro next to you! Be-be careful or else he will haunt not only you but all of us!’’, however, this replica in purple pinches both cheeks of Shiro and explains in annoyed tone ‘‘Stop telling that he is dead! See? My hands don’t go through him and I can feel him.’’.

Now Sakura stops once he hears how the prototype began silently whine. After that he addresses this fellow clone in green ‘‘So, I was surprised as well, Sage. But it seems that Big Bro had his own reason to tell us that Shiro died.’’ and thus, this replica in purple addresses all clones ‘‘Everyone, listen! Apparently, our Big Bro doesn’t want to see Shiro again for some reason and we may get into big trouble, if he finds out that Shiro was here, but he has something that belongs to Shiro and doesn’t want to give it back. So, let’s find one note, which suppose to belong to Shiro.’’.

However, one clone in black objects ‘‘Are you going to rebel against Big Bro?’’, but once this replica in purple about to say something, Shiro explains ‘‘Kuro, everyone, this is the last time when I can see you ever again. I really want to be with you all, but there is no way, not after what I have done, I could live with you…So, I beg you, can you listen to my selfish final request and find Doctor Makishima’s note. It’s very important to me, ‘cos it’s like the last memento from Doctor and I sure that ‘Nagi still keeps it somewhere.’’.

Nevertheless, another clone asked with such a concern ‘‘Eh? Are you going to leave us? Where are you going?’’, the prototype softens his gaze and replies ‘‘Our all original is not as bad as ‘Nagi used to tell us. So, even before meeting ‘Nagi, I knew that both - Doctor and Kyo, are nice and very kind people. But since Doctor released me from lab, I hoped to find Kyo and that he would help me…However, ‘Nagi took away Doctor’s last gifts for me - that uniform and note. So, please, help me to find that note and I’ll be forever grateful for you all.’’.

One of these replicas told in disbelief ‘‘But that is completely different from what Big Bro told to us. Shiro, is this really true? If so, let’s do our best and find it! After all, if it wasn’t you, then Sakura and Sage wouldn’t be so interested to learn how to treat wounds.’’, then another one added ‘‘That’s right! Even if Shiro was sometimes reading aloud from his books, it was still nice background sound, isn’t it? Yes, even if for the most of time he acted as nerd, but Shiro is one of us! Besides, if it is the last time seeing him, then doing such a simple thing shouldn’t be a problem.’’.

In the end, Shiro was moved by such a words of his brothers and how they worked together for once. After long search, one of clones found certain piece of paper and handles to the prototype. However, now Sakura orders ‘‘Oi, don’t forget to tidy up! Or everyone wanna listen ‘Nagi’s nagging again? So, at least clean up this place.’’ yet it seems none of clones weren’t so enthusiastic about this request and one of them back-fires ‘‘We did as you told. So, do your part, you lazy-ass.’’.

This clone in purple rolls his eyes and murmurs something before tidying up his bros’ left mess. After all, someone has to be more mature and lower their ego. Just as he starts putting down random items to packing boxes, he addresses Shiro ‘‘What are you waiting? Don’t make me or anyone else over-emotional, ‘kay? Just don’t forget to take care of yourself and don’t let anyone tell you what to do. So, take care, we gonna miss ya!’’. As the prototype hugs tighter that piece of paper, he nods and quickly turns around. He already felt how tears filled his eyes, so, now after closing his eyes, he started to run. When the iron door closed, the replica in purple says ‘‘It wasn’t us who may get so sensitive, you idiot…Be strong and don’t let anyone see you crying...’’.

After running for awhile, this replica trips over the air and fells on cold harsh ground. So, was it really over, isn’t? He already cut all his ties with his previous life. However, what about ‘Nagi? No, whatever Shiro going to say, this darker brunette already have his own version of what happened during that never-ending fight. So, it would only further infuriate this vile being until he would achieve what he wanted so badly - death to anyone who opposes him. Therefore, it would be wiser to avoid him.

And thus, this replica clenched his both hands into fists and shakily stands up. After wiping tears from his face with his elbow, he picks dropped piece of paper and carefully folds couple times. When he puts into one of his pants’ pockets Shiro looks around and walks toward a familiar graveyard and bid a farewell for his brothers’ resting souls.

Once this clone was back on track, it didn’t took long enough to reach his destination place. Shiro sighs while observing a familiar scenery. He could swear that nothing has changed at all and that bloody fight didn’t happened at all. However, this replica could feel such a relief and calmness that this sacred place wasn’t damaged and thanks to whoever it was, the graveyard was restored. Maybe resting up a bit here won’t do any harm, right? With this thought, this brunette wanders around for awhile, either talking to one or another of the graves. And thus, Shiro thought that he done what he planned, so, there was no reason to stay here any longer. Besides, it started to get chilly. So, it was decided - it was time to leave.

However, all of sudden, he realized that something was off. Instead of usual serene atmosphere in the air, his sense of danger began to tingle. Now familiar menacing voice speaks to him, which made Shiro stand straight and freezes him in fear ‘‘Well well well…What do we have here?~ Isn’t our little Shiro got lost? What brought you here?’’. After turning his head to left, he noticed in trees’ shadows glowing crimson eyes and eventually the owner of this shadow figure, who was getting closer, revealed his true face.

That’s right Kusanagi was slowly approaching poor Shiro as he was the prey, who entered into this wild beast’s territory. This burning gaze, revealed white fangs yet calm stance - they already warned alone that this clone won’t escape alive. As ‘Nagi was in front of Shiro, he placed his one hand on this replica’s shoulder and whispers ‘‘You shouldn’t be here…But welcome back!~’’ and strikes this doppelganger into guts. As Shiro’s face twists in pain he fells on ground. While this clone was roughly breathing, he tries to shakily stand up.

Unfortunately, his hard effort was crushed as this darker brunette stomps on his back several times. Now ‘Nagi kneels down and grabs this replica’s scalp and yanks his head up. Once he was facing this cruel male, he could hear that cold and harsh voice ‘‘Traitor…’’. However, there were no time to react and now Shiro’s head was slammed against the ground. After Kusanagi grabs the hem of this clone’s shirt with one arm and as he stands up, he lifts this unfortunate victim into air.

Now as this darker male observes how despite bleeding, Shiro refuses to give up and just silently stares with his one eye. ‘Nagi just mockingly chuckles at such an effort. However, when this clone lowers his head he murmurs in pity tone ‘‘it didn’t hurt…’’. Surely, it annoyed Kusanagi, who now howls ‘‘Eh?…the fuck did you say? SPEAK LOUDER! I CAN’T FUCKING HEAR YOU!’’. As Shiro tried to swallow saliva, he inhales and faces this ferocious being. While giving a furious gaze, this replica declares from the top of his lungs ‘‘IT DIDN’T HURT AT ALL!’’. That’s it, it was the last drop of Kusanagi’s patience and now he throws Shiro into air and sends him off flying by side kick.

This replica crashed into one of trees with agonizing groan. He cough in blood yet wiped it with his elbow’s sleeve. Nevertheless, observing how this clone’s suffering amused this darker male, who’s eyes began to glow with pure passion to kill. Once he was standing in front of Shiro, he noticed that no matter what this replica stares with same stubborn gaze yet that little flame of fury become even brighter. Yes, this brunette was trembling and panting but he didn’t wanted to show even a single tear on his face or beg for mercy.

Kusanagi didn’t liked this gaze at all and he swore to himself that even if it is the last thing to do, but he’ll broke this mindless traitor’s spirit. Nevertheless, ‘Nagi smiles as wide as Cheshire cat revealing again his sharp fangs and now speaks with malice in his voice ‘‘You don’t know when to quit, do you?…yet since you are here, I’ll show you what happens, if you turn your back against us, you disgusting freak. I bet it will suit you the best and you can join your precious doctor and later your Kyo. Don’t try to move or good luck for your precious Kyo to pick up all of your scattered pieces. Hmm~ maybe I should have went for preparing him a nice Easter hunt, don’t you think? Oh well, at least picking your burnt corpse sounds nice as well.’’. Before he turned around and walked away, this darker male gave another stronger kick to Shiro’s side, making him fell and twist in pain.

After looking around, ‘Nagi finds couple of sturdy wooden planks and rope, he ties them so that it would resemble a cross and deeply plants into the ground. Upon finishing, he picks a sharp knife out of his pants’ pocket and cuts unnecessarily rope. It seems he was enjoying himself in a process, but now he was approaching this poor clone and declares his judgement with smile on his face ‘‘Our little Shiro gonna repent for his sins against humanity and us as he burns on cross~ However, no flame, even mine will ever burn away your dirtiness. So, let’s go, you fucking creature.’’ and after bending down, he throws this replica over his shoulder and carries him towards execution place.

When they reached this wooden cross, Shiro’s arms were spread and one arm was tied to left side of cross, other one to right side. Then, his torso and feet were tied up tightly. This replica didn’t bothered to lift his head anymore and kept it lowered. However, now Kusanagi speaks up in gentle yet menacing tone ‘‘Shiro, you don’t need to get upset, cos I’ll be kind this time and just split open your stomach and wrap your insides around you while you burn~ That’s all.’’.

Now this darker male once again revealed that sharp blade and pointed at Shiro’s belly while continuing his vile talk ‘‘It’ll be quick. One sudden cut aaand it’s done!~’’. When he with-draws the knife and aims for a better angle, he was disturbed by couple familiar voices from behind ‘‘Big Bro! What are you doing?! Stop!’’. Apparently, Hoki and Mero were rushing towards their leader and once they were close, both ran out of breath.

Clone in blue was dumbfolded seeing a familiar clone yet in shaky tone asked ‘‘Big Bro! Isn’t Shiro? B-but you told that he was dead! W-what is happening here? Why…’’. However, ‘Nagi just chuckles as he turns around to see these twins. Now he explains in reckless tone ‘‘Can’t you see? I’m making sure that this traitor is dead. So, pay attention, you fucking idiots!’’. Mero couldn’t take anymore and fells on his knees, all he could do is speaking in pity tone ‘‘But whatever he have done, he don’t deserve to die. He is one of us, right? So, please, spare him.’’.

While Hoki kneels down to comfort his brother, he speaks up ‘‘Big Bro, you called him a traitor, right? So, how about instead of barbeque roast him, just let him hang there. He won’t be able to escape, or at least I think so…’’. The clone in blue just something murmurs in pity tone as he presses his head against the fellow clones chest. It seems that Kusanagi’s curiosity was peaked by such a unusual smarter idea of this replica. ‘Nagi asked ‘‘Where are you getting at?’’. While this darker male was getting closer toward the twins, Hoki replies ‘‘If he did something unforgivable, then, leave him to suffer without letting him to die so easily. So, let us guard him and we make sure that he won’t escape…or at least let anyone get closer.’’.

Apparently, this kind of suggestion satisfied the leader of clones as he delightfully smiles. Now Kusanagi addresses this replica ‘‘Maybe your head is not so empty, after all. You do have some brain…Alright, since you shown some initiation, I’ll leave him to you. If you two are bored, I’ll grant you permission to do what you want. So, I’ll see you in a bit and have fun!~ ’’ and now when he putted his hands into pants’ pockets, Kusanagi without looking back left graveyard.

However, once the leader of clones left, Mero complains to his brother ‘‘What a hell are you thinking, you idiot?! It is Shiro, we can’t do this!…that’s it! I’m leaving! I won’t be staining my hands with anyone’s blood! More important, with one us!’’, one he tried to stand up, he was stopped by Hoki grabbing his hand and his calm voice ‘‘Big Bro has already left, right? And we suppose to guard him. So, if anything happens we can blame that man with purple flame, can’t we? Don’t just whine and help me, okay?’’.

When Hoki lends his hand to Mero to stand up, both we getting closer to tied up Shiro. After taking a better look at him, clone in blue gently slaps his cheek ‘‘Hey, are you okay? Shiro? Hey, Shiro, are you with us?’’ it seems that after a couple seconds, this clone reacts and slowly lifts his head, now clone in brown uniform comments ‘‘You look like after train-wreck…Hell, there is even something leaking out of your eye! It look so gross and creepy! Can you see with it? C’mon, let’s remove that rope. *sigh* Don’t worry, even if we don’t have a knife, I can use my flame. So, don’t die on us.’’.

After this replica ignites couple of his fingers, he orders his brother ‘‘Can you catch him?’’ and now he brings his fingers closely towards the rope around the feet, then torso and lastly the arms. Fortunately, Mero was strong enough to catch felling Shiro on him or at least stop him from falling. The prototype groans in pain and whines. ‘‘A-are you okay? Did you broke anything?’’ or so, the clone in blue asked. Hoki kneels down and carefully watches, yet he got scolded by his brother in blue ‘‘Oi, you mister smart-face, don’t you stare, help me to take him to hospital!’’.

However, Mero was alerted when all of sudden Hoki stands up and turn his back. It seems this clone was now in battle stance and ignited his fist. He was shaking as he was facing his opponent. Mero looked towards that side and noticed the man, whom they were afraid all their life - a man with purple flame, was getting closer to them.

Hoki warns him in shaky voice ‘‘D-don’t get close to them! I-I warn you! That bro is injured too. So, get away!’’, even so, this threatening did not affected Yagami at all as he pushed away this clone without telling a word. Mero quickly sits up on his knees and shields with his body injured Shiro while this redhead stares with cold and unforgiving gaze. Despite that gaze, clone in blue speaks up ‘‘You came to kill us, right? At least have some shame on attacking the weaker one…He is heavily injured. Please, leave us now or we’ll make sure that you’ll get what you deserve!’’. However, Yagami felt how something wrapped around his both legs and he growls at Hoki ‘‘Scram! If you have strength and guts to attack me, use it to take this clone to hospital. If he is dead, then you better crawl back and send your prayers to your creator!…For the love of the-…’’.

Neither of these twins expected this move and both were dumbfolded. However, this redhead repeats his request in annoyed tone ‘‘Are you deaf?! Just take him outside while I’ll call ambulance!…you bunch of idiots.’’. Even if they didn’t liked to listen to this redhead, but just for Shiro’s sake, they had to carefully pick up the prototype and carry outside the graveyard. While clones were carrying Shiro, Iori calls ambulance and then no matter how it sounded bothering, he needed to tell news to Kyo. So, after taking a deep breath, he calls him. After Kyo picks his phone, Yagami told in serious tone ‘‘I found him. Come to hospital. I’ll explain later.’’ and ended the call.

After 10 minutes, they arrived at reception department, where Kyo was impatiently and worryingly waiting inside. He felt useless while watching through the window when one of ambulances will arrive. When he noticed how the ambulance stops and couple of paramedics step outside and takes out a camp bed on which lies a familiar figure, there was even attached a stand next to bed with transfusion system. Of course, after that Yagami leaves ambulance as well while, from what this brunette assumed, giving the needed information about this fellow clone.

When paramedics arrived with Shiro, who’s nearly half of the face been covered in medical bandage. While his left eye was completely covered in nearly soaked in red cloth, the other one gave an apologetic gaze to original. However, even that soundless voice calling out for Kyo was more than enough to break this brunette’s heart. Once this replica was taken to examination room, this Kusanagi sits on one of nearest benches and lowers his head. When he leans downward and asks Yagami in sorrowful tone ‘‘…What a hell happen?…How the hell you allowed this to happen?! You told that you’ll bring him back safely. I-I knew I should have followed him, but now…Shit…It’s all my fault!’’, however, instead of words, Iori places his hand on Kyo’s forehead and brings closer next to him.

This brunette was too miserable that even didn’t minded when Yagami was stroking his hair. It only made him want to let out these emotions. As this Kusanagi sighs, he tries to ask in shaky and robotic tone ‘‘Don’t tell me that he got into fight with that vile creature…’’. However, once couple of nurses left the room while carrying camp bed with Shiro, Yagami asks them in serious tone ‘‘Where is he going to?’’ yet one of nurses gave annoyed gaze and replies ‘‘To ICU. Today no visits or disturbing, and tomorrow, please check the visiting times, which are written on board.’’, this redhead nods as showing his gratitude while someone was nearly grieving. With that Iori stands up and prompts Kyo to go ‘‘Let’s go. We have to use taxi, because you can’t walk like this.’’.

Nearly a week passed~ A certain brunette entered the intensive care unit, hoping to find still alive Shiro. After nurse guided Kyo to one of the rooms, he noticed how his look-alike was still resting. Probably, he was still taking a nap, so, this brunette decided not to disturb his peaceful sleep. Shiro was attached by a transfusion system and there were couple of bottles left to transfer, but also there were visible wires and electrical pods through his hospital pyjama. Even if this brunette did not understood these numbers and data on computer panel, he hoped that eventually, this fellow clone will open his remaining eye. It seems that according the doctor, Shiro’s left eye was badly damaged that it was beyond saving it and thus, they had to remove it, so, that’s why now that hollow space was covered with snow-white eye-patch.

It was painful to observe how this clone was calmly resting, while still being covered in medical bandage. Kyo just gently brushed away hair from Shiro’s face and sighed. Why such a innocent creature have to go through such a hardship and suffering? He did not deserve any of this yet this brunette knows that no matter what this clone will be optimistic and will try to comfort him with that warm smile. And thus without realizing, this brunette carefully took Shiro’s hand into his both hands while hoping that his words will reach this replica ‘‘Please, get well soon...I missed you…’’, he could swear that he could feel how weakly this hand tried to grasp him.

Once he looked at Shiro’s face, he noticed how he slowly opens his eye and tries shakily to sit up. However, Kyo calmly says ‘‘Please, rest as much as you need. You don’t need to rush, I’m by your side and I’ll keep visiting you even when you get discharged from here. So, you are not alone. You can have faith in me…’’ and Shiro grasps his precious original’s hand more tightly while giving such a warm, innocent and adoring gaze.

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Chapter 1 Link

Chapter 6. Epilogue 1 Link

#kof #king of fighters #kyo kusanagi #kyo-1 #kyo-2 #kusanagi(king of fighters) #iori yagami #fanfiction #ao3 #archive of our own #serial #complete #perishing-little-flame-on-winding-road #hurt/comfort #fluff

[aspiringtrashpanda]

Waaaah (ෆ˙ᵕ˙ෆ)♡ ty tyyy!! I wasn't kidding about the length so I still apologize 😅😓 You know how when we’re younger we always wanted to get involved in the “cool stuff the big kids were doing,” whether said “big kids” to us were 13 or 16? When I was little, I wanted Steven to be my big brother or cousin. Since I never had any female cousins my age, I mostly grew up around boys and we did cool things like hang downstairs in their basement theatre, convince our parents to stop at a Walgreens for SillyBandz, and go wild jumping on the beds in their Hotel room with Light Sabers and Harry Potter Wands. (Look, I was like 9-10 this was cool to me 😂) We were a Trio, stuck in the backseat of the backseat of the car, status: gremlins in kahoots. It was weirdly poetic, there was only a year between either of us and I was the middle child. Really movie-like three Musketeering it here lol. Imagine how heartbroken I was when my parents told me they weren’t really my cousins, just really close family friends that we called them “cousin” regardless because they were there for my birth. Anyways, this and how whenever some older male that, I assume were probably late teens early 20s now that I’m older and thinking back, came over, kid me would see all the grown-ups talking to them like equals, being allowed to do “stuff” (it was probably like running an errand for an aunt or setting up tables tbh, I sure don’t know) and were asked about what they were studying at the dinner table, I thought it was so cool that I wanted to grow up fast and do whatever they were doing, go wherever they were going with their friends while I had to stay inside and help clean up because my mom said I wouldn’t be interested and that “they’re just doing their own thing.” Even at theme parks, couldn’t go with them.

Enter: The World of Pokémon. Discovering Fanfics, and the Found Family Trope. And Badass Young Protagonist Dreams we all might’ve had at some point. It’s a coin toss whether Crystal or LeafGreen was my first game, but I ended up really attached to Leaf (after a period of hating her because how DARE she look like my OC who was designed to look like me + the effect of early 2010s era of people hating OCs and only accepting canon characters in fics.) Though let’s be real, she probably looks like a lot of people, compared to having gravity-defying blue hair lol. It’s kind of hard to get May’s hair-style exact too sometimes if you don’t have bangs and short hair, and hers still flutter outwards by themselves. So anyways, this is all a lead-up to what brought me to thinking, “man, wouldn’t it be SO cool to be Champion and the bestest of buddies with the other Champions? (As the games usually sold the story to us)” Because friendship is awesome, teasing and banter and knowing personal things about each other and being considerate about it is sweet, being privy to secret projects the grown-ups never let you in on (I say secret project as if it’s some big thing when they probably wanted to enforce bed times and “that movie is too scary for you” lol) but anyhow, still epic.

I’ve never been able to bring myself to making another Pokémon OC, so I use Leaf as my stand-in for just about everything. I think the one thing holding me back from posting publicly is not everyone thinks the same as me. The game characters have no canon personality, so it looks weird. (Unless if I take influence from Evolutions, which validated so much for me.) They’re trapped in their games. And largely influenced by “majority accepted fanon.” As a result of that, I "should" be writing a wing-woman to the Red x Blue ship. My fic would probably go over better if I used May.

Okay, I have read everything through, but I am going to respond to each message one by one so I can get all my thoughts out! First off, thank you SO MUCH for sharing your brilliance with me. I am honored to get a peek inside your mind! This has been an incredible read. It sounds like you had so much fun with your cousins growing up, and I totally get what you mean about seeing older-but-still-young people doing stuff and you're like, "Hey i wanna hang out with them and tag along too!" But then you grow up and realize that you rushed through your childhood for nothing and ow, that's so real. RIP to all the OCs who fell to the flames of the early 2010s OC hate. OCs aren't for everybody (just like reader inserts), but those that will read an OC grow to love and appreciate them as much as any canon character. Though, there is also absolutely nothing wrong with projecting your OCs personality onto a canon character (if you're in our steven stone discord - which i mean, you're on anonymous so i'm not even gonna try to guess - you see that we do it ALL. THE. TIME.) I'll get more into canon personality vs. author interpretation vs. reader interpretation in the next bit, but I think it's important that you've recognized what you feel fandom has dictated you "should" do. You've recognized it. Now throw it out the window. Your fic will be its best self if you write what you want to write, and I promise, there WILL be someone who resonates with whatever character choice you make, whether they be in the minority or the majority. (To be continued...)

#aspiringtrashpanda #please talk to me about your fics #i love it #if you can't tell

[vvipedout]

5/5/22

hey tumblr its allie i never made friends or got personal on here but i have like 500 followers so who even uses this anymore wazzup i just had to go through hell to get my account back but i really want to start writing on here because journaling is cool and all but 1. isnt it so ominous and cool that someone random can be reading all of my thoughts? like slay and 2. writing is literally so tiring and boring to me and my brain works way too fucking fast for me to be able to remember what i want to say when im writing. okay so anyways i dont really care about giving yall context of everything thats going on in my life right now because literally if you know you know and if not then youll figure it out unless i abandon this project like i almost abandon everything else i start lmfao i am mentally ill. my L key is like fucked up i think weed crumbs be getting under my keys.

anyways heres whats up. life is good but its weird. i lost so many people i thought were truly close to me and understood me in the past year so i feel a mix of like cherishing and yearning to be closer to the friends that i am lucky to still have and do understand me yet also being like fuck everyone because people are weird and always end up disappointing me. i lost my only real best friend in my teen/adult life over the dumbest fucking shit but they just changed. i dont know that person anymore. the things that were revealed to me in our “friendship breakup” were really telling because they never tried to talk to me. they could never face me and its just disappointing, because this whole time i was the one who saw something in them that they never even saw in the first place. it was probably my fault for being the type of person i am. i cant explain it, i really am just like a big spider and everyone who comes into my life gets entangled into my web. i probably put too much of my life and my burden onto them. but whats done is done, i dont miss them at all. i’m more so disappointed that they could throw away our entire relationship and everything we have ever been through together - for reasons still unknown to me. ive moved on. i love the friends i do have. im so lucky to have gotten closer to someone who has become such an important person in my life. we basically see eachother every day atp but its such a calming presence and always a highlight of my day. they’ve brought out a creative side of me through the past 6 months we’ve gotten closer and i love who i am because of that. i think its really funny that i am so easily inspired by people who i think are cool, i just think .0002% of people are actually cool. theyre so cool to me

my love life is completely dry. sahara desert. im still practically in love with someone who literally could give less of a shit about me and it fees like im trapped. they abandoned me but my brain cant let it go like its almost been a year and it still doesnt even feel real. i be really having delusions sometimes and its scary to me. i cant stop checking their social media and every time i do i just get so mad but i still keep doing it. they literally blocked me on everything. i sound like such a fucking stalker but it also feels like this is what they wanted by doing what they did to me. if you only knew what they said to me to make me feel this way - like you could love me with a burning passion one day and twelve hours later be ice fucking cold to me and cut me off for the weirdest shit. this must be a pattern in my life lmfao

it also hurt that in losing my “best friend” they did the exact same thing to me that my ex did. and they were there for all of it, with me, i dont remember them comforting me, moreso telling me off in an i told you so kind of way but like you knew what that did to me and you went and did it to me too? idk

im already tired of typing and i didnt even talk about my day today but it was pretty good. i have anxiety over the craziest shit but i love being around people who make me feel safe. i left early from work bc i was having anxiety abt this favor i told my coworker id do them so i had to go get stuff from the beauty supply and idk i just wanted to go home... but i got my karma for doing that because i smoked in the park had a great ass time and then went in the subway to go home, someone opens the door with a stroller im like yasssss and then i walk through and cops grab me. BITCH!!!! i got a $100 subway ticket like are you fuckin serious mate... every time i cry i basically get a panic attack and cant breathe so that happened in the middle of the 14th st station it was really embarrassing but mostly annoying because like really bro... ur gonna give me a ticket.. i literally told these fuck asses that i couldnt afford it and they felt sympathetic BUT GAVE ME THE BIGGEST FINE!!! GO FUCK YOURSELF!!! so i let that ruin my day for like an hour but then i got over it. its just that im so broke rn and money gives me SO much anxiety like being broke is actually the worst fucking shit ever :(

clearly feeling manic since im typing this in the first place but im excited for tomorrow because i have my first psych appt since 2019 and maybe will get rediagnosed/get on new meds because my anxiety is fr out of control :( and im paranoid and i cant sleep at night and it feels like bugs are crawling on me and i can feel every inch of fabric on my sports bra touching me and i probably have adhd too after u read this crazy ass essay u could probably tell lmfao anyways. going to smoke and watch teen mom and then go to sleep. maybe reblog some more shit and see whats going on on my dash. gn besties

#life

[kiyosamu]

remember.

----♡----

pairing: rintaro suna x female reader.

genre: yandere, dark, light romance. // one shot, 4k words.

synopsis: abusive relationships can seem impossible to leave. when you open up to a classmate, your life takes a dramatic turn in the best and worst ways imaginable.

content warnings: assault, domestic abuse (not from suna), descriptions of violence, yandere themes.

----♡----

“hey, kid.” suna’s voice caught your attention as you passed by him in the university corridor. he was quiet, only speaking loud enough for you to hear right as you were walking by.

“hey, rintaro.” you stopped for a moment, refusing to look up at the tall man towering over you.

“i haven’t seen you in a while. everything okay?” he leaned against the wall and clutched a textbook to his chest. “you haven’t even been to class. kinda been missing my project partner.”

“you got my work though, right?” you asked him, partially covering your face with your hair. “i emailed it to you.”

“i did.”

“okay… good.” you cleared your throat, awkwardly shuffling and offering a suspiciously sudden goodbye.

“hey, wait-" suna grabbed your wrist to keep you from leaving. the small amount of pressure more than enough on your deep bruise to make you wince.

suna noticed your pained expression and immediately let go, stepping back.

“i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to hurt you. i just wanted to ask you if-“

“it’s okay!” you interrupted, knowing you’d already spoken to him for too long. you needed to get out of there before anyone noticed. “you didn’t hurt me. sorry, i have to go. bye!”

your behaviour was erratic. your speech was rushed; forced and strained with every word as you tried your best to appear normal.

unfortunately it was much harder to pretend everything was okay than you’d originally thought it’d be.

you quickly turned and headed down the hallway to drop off the assignments to your other professor. the last one you’d have to see for the day before heading home. you were almost there. so close you might not even run into him.

you’d hoped, anyway.

----♡----

after seeing your professor, you walked out into the fresh evening air. the cold stinging your cheeks and the wind pushing your hair out of your face.

your cheeks burned from the freezing air, but it was your black eye was that hurt the most.

“i’m sorry, i just lost my temper.” his words echoed in your head, “you shouldn’t have pissed me off.”

you nodded, essentially agreeing with him. it’s true, if he didn’t get mad, he wouldn’t have hit you. and why was he mad? because of something you did. so really, it was your own fault.

you were the one apologizing to him that night. doing anything you could to make it up to him. all of this with a deep purple bruise forming on your face.

when he finally left your dorm and went back to his, you were mentally exhausted. you fell asleep and woke up right before your second class of the day.

he had started forcing you to miss classes, to do everything at home and only go in to submit your work. this was for two reasons.

the first, you could spend more time with him due to your schedules. if yours was freed then you’d have more time together.

the second was to stop you from talking to other men. completely.

...and then he found out suna was your lab partner.

“i don’t want you working with him.”

“i have to. the professor is the one who chooses.”

“then work from home and submit the stuff online. that guy is a manipulator. he’s dangerous and will take advantage of you. i just know it.”

you’d never gotten that type of vibe from suna, but you obeyed your boyfriend because you didn’t want to know what would happen if you didn’t.

secretly, though, you missed class. you missed working with him. laughing, getting to know each other. he’d become a good friend over the past year and since you had the same majors, you two shared quite a few classes.

he was calm. funny and quiet, but definitely not timid. his energy made him come off tough, but not scary. if anything, he made you feel… safe.

just for those few hours you had together.

and whenever class would end, you found yourself missing that feeling.

----♡----

“i have to go to class tomorrow.” you said, refusing to make eye contact with your boyfriend who’d invited himself over to your dorm.

just like he does every. single. night.

“why? you gonna go talk to that suna guy?” he approached you, giving you a terrifying smile that you know wasn’t coming from a place of happiness.

“yuji… please.” your words were barely a whisper when you felt his fingers wrap around your throat. “my professor told me i need to start going. my grades are falling behind.”

his fingers tapped rhythmically against your skin. dancing skillfully as he toyed with the idea of choking you. you held your breath, expecting the worst.

“you should try harder.” he growled, digging his fingertips into your neck and you clenched your eyes closed. “get your grades back up so you don’t have to spend any more time with that guy.”

“okay, okay!” you grabbed onto his wrist and his eyes widened. “i will! i’ll get my grades up so i don’t need to see him anymore.”

“good girl.” he smiled, the evil expression he’d previously worn had melted away into a false image of a kind man. “always listening so well for me.”

yuji leaned in and kissed you. you kissed back, barely, but just enough for him to be satisfied and leave you alone.

“time for me to go.” he sighed as he heard the dorm advisor do a final walk through to knock on the doors and let the students know it was time for guests to leave.

“see you tomorrow?” he asked, tilting your chin up to look at him.

“sure…” you whispered. you trembled under his touch and wanted nothing more than for him to leave your sight.

“good. it’s a date.” he said happily and gave you another kiss, practically skipping down the hallway back to his own room.

you shut and locked your door, desperately wishing that was the last time you’d ever have to see him.

----♡----

“well, well, well.” suna cooed as you took your seat next to him. “as i live and breathe, i never thought i’d see the day. you finally made it to class.”

you nodded and pulled out your books.

“had to. my grades are slipping.” you sighed, looking around at the science classroom. “what are we doing today?”

“lab day.” suna said as he nudged an instruction sheet towards you. “should we put on our coats and get to it?”

“okay...”

you started to have an internal panic attack. your wrists were as bruised as the black eye you were hiding behind your hair.

suna stepped away to get your lab coats.

this would all be visible, and you didn’t want suna (or anyone) to see any of it.

you nervously approached your professor and she looked up at you with a disinterested stare.

“ma’am, i need to be excused from class today.”

“absolutely not.” she scoffed, “unless you want to fail my class, which i know you can’t afford to do, you’ll stay and do your lab.”

you opened your mouth to reply but she kept speaking.

“go put up your hair, roll up your sleeves and get your lab coat on. you should be thankful you have such a competent partner.” she crossed her arms, leaning back in her chair, “actually, i think the two of you should spend some time together. he’s my top student and you definitely need some tutoring.”

“i don’t think that’s necessary-“

“mr. suna, come up here please.”

suna walked up with a confused look, unsure as to why he was being brought in to the conversation.

“something i can help with?” he asked.

“yes,” the professor smiled, “i’d like the two of you to do tutoring sessions a minimum of twice a week, an hour each time. could you do that?”

“oh, sure. i don’t mind.” he smiled, “was that all? we should get to our assignment.”

you felt backed in to a wall. of course you were okay with this, you enjoyed spending time with suna.

unfortunately, you were terrified of the repercussions.

even worse, there was nothing you could do about it.

when you got back to your table, you put your hair up and silently thought of a plan. keep your head down, don’t make eye contact. maybe he wouldn’t notice.

you rolled up your sleeves and put on your white coat. it was barely long enough to hit your wrists, but did a decent job of hiding the bruises.

the first half of the lab went well. suna explained things in a way that made it easy to comprehend and you were genuinely enjoying yourself.

until you completely forgot.

you began to pour the green liquid into the tube. suna was writing his lab report when he looked up and noticed your mistake.

“oh, hey,” he stood up, putting his hand over yours to tilt the container back up. “you need to pour it slower, like this.”

when it started to pour just as he’d wanted, he let go and you found yourself missing the brief comfort of his touch.

“good job! you did it.” suna smiled and you looked up at him with an excited expression. finally. finally you were getting something right.

when the two of you made eye contact, his smile immediately dropped into a look of concern.

“what happened to your eye?”

“oh,” you stepped back, covering it with your hand. “i fell.”

suna carefully held onto your wrist and you winced in pain. his intentions were to move your hand away from your eye, but he took immediate notice of your reaction and pushed your sleeve down.

the bruises in the shape of fingerprints stained your skin a deep purple.

“what about here?” he stepped closer. you tried to read his expression but he looked completely emotionless.

“from the same fall, i’m just clumsy.”

“and your neck?”

suna pushed back your lab coat to see the same fingerprint bruises scattered around your neck.

you were suddenly thankful you’d chosen the table in the far back end of the classroom. nobody was ever watching.

“yeah.” you said, practically a whisper. “i’m just really clumsy.”

suna leaned down and looked into your eyes.

“why don’t i believe you?”

“five more minutes!” the professor called, interrupting your intense conversation and the two of you snapped back into action.

you finished your lab report and quickly packed up your stuff before rushing out the classroom door.

suna followed closely behind.

“it’s your boyfriend, isn’t it?”

you stopped dead in your tracks and turned around to look at him. suna’s expression was no longer emotionless. he was angry.

“okay,” you sighed, grabbing his wrist to pull him to a secluded space outside. the two of you sat down under a large tree, away from everyone else.

“yuji gets upset with me and… hurts me… sometimes.” you choked out. “i haven’t told anyone because i’m scared of what he’ll do to me. i haven’t left him because i’m scared of him. i’m stuck.”

you hadn’t said these words out loud to anyone, ever, and the way they were flowing so freely had you crying before you were even aware of it.

“please don’t tell anyo-“

“i’ll take care of it.”

you looked up at him. suna looked completely calm, his voice smooth and gaze held on you.

“what do you mean?”

suna stood up and ran his hands through his hair.

“i mean i’ll take care of it.” he smiled, “see you tomorrow afternoon for tutoring?”

“wait, suna-“

“later!” he gave you a passive wave before walking back towards the university building.

----♡----

that evening you waited for yuji to come by your dorm, but he never did.

you waited for him to call you, but he didn’t.

you worried about what suna had meant. maybe he was going to talk to him, maybe even threaten him. you’d hoped he wouldn’t do that, but you really didn’t know what he was capable of.

surely the rumours about him couldn’t be true. an honour's chemistry major being involved in a more sinister, underground group that nobody even knew if it was real or made up?

he was too nice. there was no way.

----♡----

after class you headed back to your dorm to get ready for your evening. suna had asked you to meet him under the same tree from the day before. around 7pm.

you debated on calling yuji, but ultimately decided against it. maybe he’d come to his senses. maybe he was remorseful, and just wanted to move on. to leave you alone and pretend your relationship never happened.

that was what you wished for the most.

----♡----

you stepped out into the cold evening air. the wind blowing softly and brushing the hair out of your face.

you clutched your books to your chest and took a short cut through the back fields separating the dorms from the main university campus.

you checked your phone, you were early. suna would be there in about 15 minutes.

you reached down to grab your phone when it was immediately snatched from your hands.

“you did this, didn’t you?” a familiar voice snapped at you. you glanced up to see yuji, sporting a similar black eye and a bandaged cut on his cheek.

“i- no, of course not!”

he rolled his eyes at your reply, clearly not willing to listen to a word you were saying. yuji grabbed your wrists, forcing you to drop your books and pushed you against the back wall of the university.

“you did. tell me right now. everything you said. who you said it to. and why.” the look in his eyes was horrifying. scarier than any other look he’s given you before.

this made it seem like his previous bouts of anger were nothing but minor inconveniences.

“i didn’t-“

yuji pulled back, immediately hitting your chin with a hard punch that knocked your head back into the concrete wall.

“try again.”

your vision was hazy. mind blurring memories together and you couldn’t even form a proper sentence.

you felt a warm, wet sensation cascading down the back of your neck and were immediately soothed by the feeling. the warmth was comfortable, even though you didn’t know what it was from.

yuji’s hand wrapped around your throat and he pressed his forehead to yours. his fingers dug roughly into your windpipe, causing you to choke out the remaining air in your lungs. you felt yourself get sleepy, closing your eyes and letting darkness overtake you as your body went limp.

----♡----

“hey, wake up.”

snapping fingers in your face had you looking around curiously. you couldn’t focus on your surroundings. it was unclear who was with you, unclear what was happening around you, and unclear why you were there.

the sounds of multiple men. grunting, panting. speaking quietly between deep breaths and harsh exertion.

what were they doing?

“hey.” the fingers snapped in front of your face again.

“what…” was all you could manage to say. your body felt heavy. weak. you were just so tired. all you wanted to do was fall asleep. you submitted to the exhaustion, closing your eyes again.

“don’t go to sleep.” a soothing voice lifted the back of your neck, pressing something soft against your head. “stay awake and listen to me.”

“ya like beatin’ up girls, huh?”

whack

“wanna put a girl half your size in the hospital, for what? to feel like more of a man?”

whack

“a real man would never hit a woman.”

whack

“a real man would beat the shit out of losers who do hit women, right ‘tsum?”

“right. maybe we’ll even put him in the hospital.”

whack

whack

“oh, he’s gonna be there once we’re done.”

you finally recognized the last voice. it was suna.

he spoke again, his voice raspy and dark but still audible from where you were.

“i hope to fucking god you didn’t hurt her so badly that she’s knocked out…” suna trailed off and let out a small chuckle. “because there’s nothing i want more than for her to hear you cry like a little bitch when this blade goes right…”

the sound of yuji’s sudden scream was immediately muffled by what you were sure was the hand of the other man.

“…through you.”

your eyes widened and you were starting to understand what was happening.

all you could feel around you was danger.

you started to hyperventilate. panic was taking over.

“focus on me. come on, we need to get out of here.”

“who…” your head started to hurt now. badly.

“my name is osamu.” he bent down and cradled you in his arms, bringing you close to his chest and picking you up bridal style. “hold on to me if you can.”

“i’m scared…” you whispered.

“i know.” he murmured, carrying you away from the scene and back through the field. “i’ll keep you safe. we need to go to the hospital.”

“what about…”

“the only thing you need to worry about is stayin’ awake right now, okay? it’ll all be okay.” osamu’s voice was soothing. his body was warm and his strong arms supported your body in a way that made you never want to leave his hold.

you gave him a weak nod. even if you wanted to get away, you couldn’t. so you decided to trust in this man and hope for the best.

----♡----

“hey, sweetheart.” the calm voice of a nurse slowly woke you up. “you’re finally awake.”

“where…” you choked out, your throat was dry and you could barely make out where you were. it was all so… confusing.

“you’re in the hospital.” she said as she stood on her tiptoes to change the fluids on your iv pole. “you were assaulted. your injuries aren’t good but you’ll make a full recovery.”

the nurse leaned back down and held onto your hand. “you have a real knight in shining armour, you know. your boyfriend hasn’t left your side since you were admitted. he’s going to be so happy when he finds out you woke up.”

boyfriend?

your heart started to race at the thought of yuji coming in. you looked around, preparing for the worst when you heard footsteps enter the room.

“hey, sleepyhead.”

“speak of the devil.” the nurse smiled, giving your hand a squeeze. “i’ll let you two have some privacy. please press the call button if you need anything, i’ll come back and check on you soon.”

the footsteps grew closer and you heard the squeak of a chair being pulled up next to your bed. you opened your eyes to see suna giving you a compassionate smile.

“rintaro?” you whispered, “what are you doing here?”

“making sure you’re okay.” he crossed his arms, “been here since you were admitted.”

you tried your hardest to remember even coming to the hospital, but you just couldn’t. everything was gone after your head hit that wall.

“what… happened?” you asked, your eyes pleading for him to be honest.

“someone attacked you and your boyfriend.” suna leaned in, “do you not remember anything?”

“i remember yuji being upset with me…” you blinked, your mind working as hard as it could to remember something of importance. “my head hit the wall and it’s kind of fuzzy after that.”

“i see.” suna nodded.

“wait, how did you know i was in here?”

“some people mentioned an attack on campus. i got worried when you were late for our study session, and when your phone rang and you didn’t answer i felt like something was up.” he shrugged, taking a moment to think of his next words. “i called the hospital and asked if you were here, and then came right over when they confirmed it.”

“oh. okay…” you went to scratch an itch on your scalp and were met with searing pain at the slightest bit of pressure. “ow!”

“careful.” he smiled, taking your hand away from your head. “it’s gonna be sore for a while.”

“yeah…” you trailed off, trying to make sense of the situation. “what happened to yuji?”

“why do you care?”

“huh?” you glanced at suna who’s expression had turned sour.

“why do you care about what happened to him? he could've killed you.”

“i just wanted to know if he…” your voice was shaky and you tried to compose yourself. “if there was a possibility of him coming after me again.”

“not a single chance.” suna leaned over the railing of the hospital bed and took your hand. “besides, even if there was, i won’t let anything happen to you.”

----♡----

you’d found out yuji had suffered from severe injuries almost taking his life. he was beaten, stabbed, and his spinal cord suffered so much damage he was permanently paralyzed from the waist down.

while you were relieved the abuse would be over, you constantly wondered who had assaulted him.

you remembered telling suna and him saying he’d take care of it, surely that wasn’t him, right? there was no way suna could do something like that.

----♡----

months went by while you recovered from your injuries. you’d been discharged from the hospital after 3 weeks, and suna had stuck by your side every day.

“i’m happy to say you’ve essentially made a full recovery.” the doctor smiled, shaking your hand. “i’m so proud of your progress. you’re truly a walking miracle.”

“what about my memory?” you asked, “when will i remember what happened?”

“oh, you might not ever remember. you hit your head hard and from what we gather, you were unconscious.” the doctor stood up, clutching his clip board before walking out. “it’s probably for the best that you don’t remember what happened. you should focus on moving on, now. take care.”

----♡----

“well, should we celebrate?” suna asked as you walked out of the hospital together. you stopped, causing him to turn and look down at you. “what’s up?”

“i just wanted to say thank you…” you said, feeling your face getting hot. “i don’t think i could’ve done this without you.”

“you could’ve. you’re the strongest person i’ve ever met.” he leaned down, brushing the hair out of your face. the same hair that used to cover the deep bruises, now showing your true complexion. “and the most beautiful.”

you felt your heart flutter at his sudden compliment. suna’s hands found your waist and you instinctively draped your arms over his shoulders.

“you really mean that?” you asked, looking into his eyes.

“of course i do.” he smiled, leaning in to give you the long awaited kiss the two of you had been dying for. his lips were soft and you melted into his arms. he pulled away, resting his forehead on yours. “beautiful in every possible way.”

you felt tears well up as you were being complimented. the sweetest, kindest, most handsome man touching you so delicately and speaking to you with nothing but respect.

you'd completely fallen in love with him, and it was everything you ever could’ve asked for.

----♡----

a few weeks after the two of you made it official, your honeymoon phase was in full force. you couldn’t keep your hands off of each other. you were experiencing your first true relationship that made you feel loved and you cherished at every moment.

one evening, you decided to go to suna’s dorm to surprise him.

knock knock

“rintaro?” you called out, opening the door to let yourself in. “are you home?”

“in here, baby.” he replied from the kitchen. he was sharing an apartment style dorm with two other men, but you hadn’t met them yet. they weren’t ever there when you were.

“we finally get to meet your girl, huh?” one of them cooed as you walked in. he had dyed blonde hair and smirked at you as you walked by. “damn, she’s a looker, huh ‘samu?”

samu… why did that sound familiar?

“don’t be such a pig.” the other boy replied. you realized they were twins when he stood up and walked over to you. he smiled, holding out his hand. “nice to meet ya, i’m osamu.”

osamu.

no.

“my name is osamu…”

it couldn’t be.

“…hold on to me if you can.”

no, no, no.

the memories of the night of the assault came flooding back to you.

it only took a moment to realize...

...it wasn’t a random assault at all.

#suna drabble #rintaro suna #suna angst #rintaro suna angst #haikyuu angst #yandere haikyuu #yandere suna #yandere #haikyuu #suna #osamu miya #atsumu miya #miya twins #inarizaki angst #atsumu angst #osamu angst

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

the wolf should’ve been afraid of me.

Titans 3.04

just under the wire! ... i hope.

like with the previous review, i’m typing this up as i see the episode. here we go!

spoilers ahead.

1. ... well. that was an interesting cold open.

1.25. i don’t know whether to admire this show’s restraint when it comes to gotham and its excesses, particularly arkham asylum. it’d be easy to go hammer and tongs, like suicide squad (2016) did, or any number of bat media did, at a tropey, colourful~~insanity~~ that can be quite damaging, casting mental illness in strangeness and criminality. it definitely shows gotham as... separate from the rest of the country, its own ecosystem of heroes and villains, a sort of rogue state. 

but that ecosystem is still human, with its heroes needing to clip parts of themselves away just to survive, growing old and needing to be recycled, its villains languishing in the same kinds of systems that fail everybody else who needs to be helped. it’s a quieter, tenser sort of wrongness: not strange enough that you can dissociate, but not close enough that you can completely empathise. gotham is its own creature.

1.5. i know that the reasoning behind this is more doylist than anything, but i’m so glad that joker was killed off with little fanfare right at the start of the season. he is the one man in the batverse that’s transcended its confines as this sort of ethereal boogeyman/eternal edgelord and to justify his presence in the series would mean giving him this tired, overblown importance and too much of a stab at colourful, tropey “madness” in this otherwise-subdued series. i wish all batmedia would follow suit and get rid of this fucker.

1.75. so jason is bucking scarecrow’s control! or reminding him of who exactly holds all the cards right now. circling back to what i talked about in the last review, it’s remarkable just how little time it’s been since jason’s “death” and he’s already got ‘minions’ and elaborately set up plans to track, break and kill the titans. just how long has he been planning this? when did he first look at WE weapons prototypes and think that’s something i can use to blow somebody up? and the most unsettling question: did he plan his own death at the hands of the joker just so that he could break batman?

at this point it’s obvious that the scarecrow at least started jason down this path, but it’s frightening just how far he’s travelled already.

1.8. aaagh, less than one minute in! i’ll shut up. 

2. conner washing his hands at the sink reminds me that he was directly in the line of explosion when hank got blown up and he’s probably got atomised hank-bits all over his skin that he’s desperately trying to wash off.

... you’re welcome.

2.25. conner, don’t you speak to gar fucking logan like that, sir, no!

2.3. if anything it’s the lex part of him that gave him the knowhow to recognise the weapon and build a de-activator for it. 

anyway, for that ‘half-breed’ and ‘talking tiger’ comment?

(i wish, tho, that we actually see conner more interested in the superman part of his legacy, like maybe listening to stories from gar, or even better, dick, so we get a better idea of the pressure he’s feeling to live up to that part of him and not the part that’s lex.)

((i talked about conner’s stages of moral development in his introductory episode last season, but i wonder if the next stage of his self-actualisation would be to further integrate the parts of himself and realise that they are only parts and he, conner, is an entirely different person unto himself that can make decisions on how to use what he has and what he knows. his superman abilities can be used to destroy. his lex knowledge can be used to save.))

3. oh dawn :((

3.25. is this the last we see of dawn and hank? i mean, we know donna is coming back; would it be a stretch to think they’ll try to have a go at resurrecting hank as well?

3.5. “deathstroke didn’t make us into killers.” good, because deathstroke didn’t make jason a killer either. there’s a missing step there you need to be looking for, dick. 

3.75. dick did try to break the cycle, step away from gotham, run from the possibility that he could turn into batman. it didn’t help; he couldn’t fully withdraw from his vigilante persona the same time he loathed it, and batman literally haunted him both asleep and awake. but maybe gotham doesn’t have to turn anybody into anything. maybe gotham has nothing to do with it at all. it’s about taking responsibility, realising some sacrifices are pure bullshit, and building an actual family instead of merely a team.

anyway: hugs!

(oh, also? mr “i hate flying”? i mean, there’s perfectly valid reasons to hate flying that’s not related to childhood trauma, but then again, this guy was literally a ‘flying grayson’ once. also also, remember that he also gets sea-sick. must’ve a lot of fun stories to tell.)

4. ooh that gar/kory confrontation was brief but cool!

listen, i have never seen a psychiatrist with that extravagant an office and SIR I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW HOW--

4.5. kory’s so unused to reaching out for help and it’s breaking my heart that HPG likely is some kind of impostor that’s maybe causing her symptoms in the first place. 

kory and dick have mostly been apart this season but it’s remarkable how their journeys have paralleled each other; kory processes her grief, isolation and existential dread into a determination to take care of this new family she has, no matter what it takes; dick does much the same, forging ahead with plans and solutions until he has no fuel left in him and spirals into a massive breakdown.

4.25. listen titans this really is a TERRIBLE continuity error. we aren’t goldfish; we can clearly remember that two minutes ago it was gar’s upper arm that was burned, not his forearm. COME ON.

“sensory deprivation tank” *SNORT*

anyway, gar is the BEST

4.5. i wonder where these visions of experimentation took place. was it on tamaran, or on earth, after she came to hunt down rachel/trigon and before she lost all her memories? is HPG a part of the scientist group that experimented on her? ... god, i hope not. i mean, i think he is, but it would be cool to have some positive therapist representation in media. 

5. you’d think the van transporting a dangerous supervillain that only batman could catch would be more secure but... i’m also not entirely surprised. 

5.15. i love dick gives ZERO shits about hiding himself or even ensuring scarecrow is adequately contained. just turns away after kidnapping him in BROAD DAYLIGHT and says ‘let’s go’. I LOVE THIS DUMBASS

6. lmao gar is having a really really shitty day SOMEONE GIVE THIS MAN A BREAK or just a goddamn story arc of his own

6.5. i’m really confused about the timeline here. so... sometime ago, kory came down to earth to hunt down trigon, yeah? at some further point down the line she and her sister were kidnapped and experimented on. THEN she somehow escapes but... loses her memory? a few months pass and then we see blackfire alive and well and free; she kills faddei, can impersonate other people, and is clearly seeking out kory. but now she’s still in the experiment facility...? what’s going on?

i’m not entirely surprised about the facility being mostly deserted. either the biggest investors in this project gave up on it and it was left to the most fanatic to carry on, or they were deliberately trying to lure kory and get her to free blackfire--expand the environs of the experiment, so to speak.

7. hopefully barbara is going to get something to do other than listen to various men give her Attitude

8. how do you terrorise a terrorist? well:

i love when dick is a scary-competent motherfucker.

8.25. ooooh, the attack on crane at arkham a ploy to get crane to blackgate? nice one dick, i didn’t even think of that. but why though? to protect crane from the titans? to intercept the van to blackgate and “rescue” him? seems likely--red hood was there, except dick got to crane quicker.

9. still reeeallly unclear about the komand’r situation. was komand’r captured after s2? is this all A TRAP?? if so, why are you stepping into the only thing that can contain you, kory????

9.25. so... definite parallels between dick/jason and kory/kom here. i’m just. i’m still. really confused. i’ll shut up now.

10. this may be my favourite dick look yet:

woodsman!dick in a beanie.

10.5. i unironically love how titans has made this bizarrely-devoted-to-his-moniker, toxin-spewing supervillain into a tamer version of hannibal, psychoanalysing his victims into submission. it’s of a piece with how inward looking titans is, the way all of its villains are obsessed with how our protagonists’ minds work, to the point where they would actually spend time inside of them. 

there are no big plots to end the world. no apocalypses or endgames here. these villains collect the titans’ insecurities like infinity stones. the way the titans defeat them is by achieving character growth--literally winning by the power of love. literally “the real superpower is the friends we made along the way”!

10.7. anyway, i’m betting dick is used to this bullshit from crane and is humouring him in the service of getting more information. the story about the wolf? an implicit threat, not to mention dick getting to control what crane knows about him and what methods he would use to manipulate him.

am i giving dick too much credit here? i don’t think so. he’s really impressed me so far this season.

10.75. like. there’s a real unreliable narrator vibe coming off with every person that talks about bruce (much like how the various members of the titans talked about jason’s motivations) and to buy into crane’s talk about bruce being a psychopath is to fall for the same manipulation that jason fell for. dick is the only person who hasn’t really psychoanalysed bruce this season, and i think some part of his detective brain is piecing things together into a bigger picture.

11. i’m glad kory rescued kom but did she have to kill the scientist?

(i mean, yeah, probably - the less people know that kom escaped the less likely they’re going to have the fucking govt on their doorstep, but still.)

11.5. dick’s gonna come back to wayne manor, stare straight at komand’r and go, well which room would you like? because the team might as well adopt ANOTHER person, yeah?

12. oh MAN that red hood/nightwing fight was AMAZING! and he did the thing! the boomerang escrima thing! i’m so delighted!

12.5. the anger and disbelief in dick’s voice when he says you told crane EVERYTHING?! tells me that he knew exactly what he was telling crane himself.

12.75. “everything you are is because of him” - oh that reminds me of halluci!bruce from last season. i hope we see halluci!bruce again--he is so vicious but so entertaining... so much more effective at tearing dick down than crane or jason combined. goes to show that dick’s biggest enemy is own fucking head.

12.8. oh no! dick’s shot! crane is in the wind with red hood! blackfire is now with the titans! i love it!

honestly this season’s pacing is such a big step up from the last couple. gold star, show.

#titans #titans spoilers #meta #dick grayson #koriand'r #garfield logan #komand'r #conner kent #dawn granger #jason todd #jonathan crane #a byronic cupcake #badass strawberry truffle #manic pixie pop tart #a tragic jalebi