#anyway fuck gender conventions
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vent post. There are two stories i was told in my teenage years that even before i had a real concept of trans issues made me uninterested in discussing the supposed sacredness and safety of separated sex-based spaces.
First, when i was like 13 or 14 my PE teacher told us about a time she went to a women's public restroom, some guy was hanging out outside the bathrooms, she didn't think anything of it, went to the bathroom, and he walked in after her and like, creeped on her over the top of the stall. She was ok, she wasn't telling us this to scare us, just telling us what to do in situations like that (and iirc she was telling the whole co-ed class this, not just girls, bc it's useful for everyone), but this taught me immediately and forever that there's nothing actually keeping these spaces separate really, that anyone can be a creep in any space, and that establishing a space like that as for women only isn't actually particularly useful for safety.
Second, when i was 16 i was at an anime convention, a friendly acquaintance of mine and i ended up in conversation outside, and he showed me his bare wrist and told me he'd been kicked out. A female friend of his had stepped in dog poop outside, and between that and the stress of the convention she'd had a bit of an emotional breakdown, so being her friend, he started comforting her and ushered her into the women's restroom so they could wash the poop off her shoe together. And because he was a man who went into the women's bathroom, he got kicked out, no matter that he was doing something that was actually beneficial to a woman. Punishing a woman's friend for supporting her was supposed to... protect her somehow? This made it clear to me that a no-exceptions rule separating the sexes like that wasn't actually inherently good for everyone.
And this isn't even getting into me as a child needing to accompany my younger sister to the restroom when we were out with just my dad because she had certain support needs past the age he felt comfortable bringing her into the men's room with him. And what if I'd been born a boy, or she'd been the first born? Who's helping her then?
And of course even putting all this aside, we should always prioritize compassion and support anyway. But i never even needed to meet a trans person to know that "keeping men out of women's bathrooms" is silly nonsense. But trans people also need to pee anyway and as humans they have that right, so leave them the fuck alone. your precious women's restroom is just a fucking room with a door, holy shit give it a fucking rest, if someone is attacking you in the bathroom that's bad and if someone is in there to pee that's good and it doesn't fucking matter what their junk is or was when they were born.
a woman could have done the exact same thing to my PE teacher and it would have also been bad no matter how "supposed" to be in the restroom she was, and no one should ever be punished for helping a crying friend wash their shoe.
Anyway i know I'm speaking to like-minded folks here, i just think about those two stories literally every time bathroom gender shit comes up and it pisses me off.
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ABSOLUTELY UNHINGED COMEDIC RELIEF
ASSORTED QUOTES FROM TUMBLR TEXTPOSTS, X (formerly known as twitter) POSTS, TIKTOK, MEMES, AND OTHER SOURCES AROUND THE INTERNET
CHANGE gendered words and in-universe phrases as needed.
SPECIFY muse for multimuses.
“ Currently considering becoming a bother and a nuisance, maybe even a menace or a rascal. ”
“ Hungry? Eat the government. ”
“ Yes, I wanna fuck after every argument. ”
“ Silence, you uneducated peanut! ”
“ They should invent a being alive that isn’t so difficult. ”
“ Women have to think I’m hot or none of this matters. ”
“ Due to personal reasons I will be named an enemy of the state. ”
“ Being overdressed is a myth made up by people who didn’t want you to have fun and be sexy. ”
“ What even are daddy issues? Just traumatize your father back. ”
“ I LOVE complaining! You can’t take that away from me! ”
“ I went to the silly goose convention and they all knew you. ”
“ I’m simultaneously ‘I’m tired of this grandpa’ and ‘that’s too damn bad!’ ”
“ The word ew coming out of a pretty girl’s mouth holds so much power … I think that it can tear apart nations. ”
“ Someone made fun of my shoes and the whole time I just thought of ways to push them out the window. ”
“ If you’re short, simply get taller. ”
“ I better think twice? Buddy I don’t even think once. ”
“ My off putting looks, awkward demeanor, and strange behavior have captivated you. ”
“ There’s something deeply, fundamentally wrong with you. Can we kiss? ”
“ You are a fool. When you walk, clown music plays. ”
“ I mean yeah he’s evil and all but what if I were his favorite? ”
“ I really do hate thinking. ”
“ In my defense, I simply do not vibe with the law. ”
“ I’ve done nothing wrong. Except all the atrocities. Besides that, I’m innocent. ”
“ Sorry I couldn’t hear you over my internal monologue. ”
“ Of course you have white hair and trauma. ”
“ So apparently the bad vibes I’ve been feeling are actually ‘severe psychological distress’. ”
“ Stop calling me a bad person just because I’m orchestrating your downfall! ”
“ The more lip gloss I collect the longer I live. ”
“ Sorry that I am obsessed with you in the unhealthiest way possible. As if it's my fault ”
“ The multiple failed assassination attempts against me have helped build both character and self esteem. ”
“ I could be your loser boyfriend. Do you ever think about that? ”
“ Accidentally went and got myself killed yesterday, but god wont let me die so I’m back ”
“ What do you mean napping isn't a good coping mechanism? What do you mean my problems are still here? ”
“ Academic validation is required for my sanity. ”
“ RIP to everyone killed by the gods for hubris but I’m different and better. Maybe even better than the gods. ”
“ Researching the stages of grief to see if I can get them finished in ten minutes tops. ”
“ My parents were like I’m gonna make a child that is so beyond help. ”
“ It’s not easy to admit when you’re wrong, and that’s why I won’t do it. ”
“ Why can’t this family ever have a funky good time? ”
“ How do I show people that I’m more than my unethical career choice? ”
“ I fucked my way into this mess, and I’ll fuck my way out. ”
“ You look so biteable today. ”
“ Why am I suffering? I have so many correct opinions and takes. ”
“ I AM HAUNTED BY A PAST THAT I CANNOT GO BACK TO! anyways ”
“ Challenging authority, angering gods. The family business. ”
“ Third base is me telling you about my father. ”
“ Hey girl. Plagued by terrifying visions? ”
“ Got caught giving a fuck. Embarrassing. ”
“ I didn’t ‘miss’ the red flags; I saw them and thought that they looked sexy. ”
“ Do my dark circles and deteriorating health make me look hot? ”
“ I get my news from the only reliable source, cryptic symbolism in my dreams. ”
“ Another day of being a bisexual disaster. ”
“ I’m going to let myself be a little unhinged today, as a treat. ”
“ Some of you act like murder is such a big deal. ”
“ You wanna hunt me for sport so bad that it makes you look stupid. ”
“ You’re not a girlboss unless you’ve killed someone. ”
“ It’s so weird how no one ever has correct opinions about things except for me. ”
“ Hello, my love — I mean, my rival ”
“ No one is calling me baby and it’s outrageous I can’t believe it. ”
“ No talking stage. Mutual obsession and you see god in my eyes or nothing. ”
“ I DON’T UNDERSTAND HOOKUP CULTURE DIE IN MY ARMS ”
“ Yes baby your emotional walls are high and impenetrable can we kiss now? ”
“ Affection is disgusting. Drown me in it. ”
“ I am gatekeeping my respect from you. ”
“ Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of my own actions. ”
“ I am equal parts fuck around and find out and please don’t yell at me I’ll cry. ”
“ Short legs, big butt. I’m a corgi. ”
“ Fuck being the bigger person; I’m going to start biting people. ”
“ Well that wasn’t very slay of you! ”
“ May I please get a crumb of affection? ”
“ I crave power! Please don’t yell, though; I’m sensitive. ”
“ You call it a near death experience; I call it a vibe check from God. ”
“ Here are some scissors. Now cut it out. ”
“ Might commit a little tomfoolery, maybe even some shenanigans. ”
“ All these flavors, and you choose to be salty. ”
“ How can I live, laugh, love in these conditions? ”
“ What if I said ‘to be honest’ but then lied? ”
“ I'm financially at a stage where I understand why people do fraud. ”
“ Yes I may be evil and morally corrupt, but I’m also incredibly beautiful and I think that makes up for it honestly. ”
“ Debates are stupid. Why would I want to sit down and argue with someone blatantly dumber than me? ”
“ I forget but I do NOT forgive.. I'm just walking around hating bitches can't remember why ”
“ Ding dong your opinion is wrong! ”
“ I’m coming for your kneecaps. ”
“ You dropped your nose you fucking clown. ”
“ Are you a fire alarm? ‘Cause you are really fucking loud and annoying. ”
“ Call me an escalator, because I let people down. ”
“ I love me a good lesbian scandal! ”
“ If you can’t run away from your problems, you’re not running fast enough. ”
“ Everything I want to do is illegal. ”
“ Don’t make me hit your ankle with my Barbie scooter! ”
“ I tell gay jokes because I am a gay joke. ”
“ Fuck! I dropped my mental stability! ”
#askbox meme#askbox prompt#rp ask meme#ask box#roleplay sentence meme#sentence starters#roleplay prompts#roleplay sentence starters#* sentence meme
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Currently rereading Eric Flint's 1632 and reflecting on just how influential Flint was to me and my approach to both praxis and politics as a teenager. I found Flint when I was about thirteen or fourteen, around the time I found Pratchett I think, and he's left an equally wide thumbprint on my soul. Isn't that the most wonderful thing about stories, that people you've never met can help shape our adult selves? Mother of Demons I often recommend for its SFF worldbuilding--Flint built a species with at least four genders, only some of which are reproductive, and associated "normal" sexual orientations, and then proceeded to write in a textually intersex character and queer the hell out of it.
1632, though, is the one where a little West Virginia town in 2000 gets picked up and dropped in the middle of Thuringia, Germany in the eponymous year--right in the middle of the Thirty Years War. The local United Mine Workers of America chapter plays a major role, particularly its head.
As I write this I'm listening to the scene where the little town of Grantville, having admitted after a few days that they are probably not ever going home, is crowded into the high school gymnasium listening to the mayor lay that reality out and suggesting an interim council to help the town set out a sort of constitutional convention so they can work out what on earth they're going to do moving forward--especially since there's a bunch of displaced refugees collecting in the forests nearby. Sensible of them, really; the Americans murdered the shit out of the local soldiers that displaced them, on account of how the shaken mine workers that went out to figure out WTF happened not being super down with suddenly running into a bunch of fuckheads raping the locals and torturing people to find out where their valuables might be. After that, said Americans proceeded to retreat into the town boundaries and gibber quietly to themselves. I would go lurk in their woods, too.
Anyway, the mayor sets up this proposal, everyone agrees, and a CEO who was visiting for his son's wedding at the time steps forward and says: look. I know how to lead, and I'm probably the most qualified person here. I lead a major industry corporation effectively and I did that after my time as a Navy officer. I put myself forward because I'm qualified. Now, we're going to need to circle the wagons to get through the winter, tighten our belts, but we can get through this. We can't support all these refugees, though; we'll have to seal the border so they can't bring disease--they're a drain on our resources we can't afford--
and the UMWA guy, he gets really mad listening to this. There's this Sephardic refugee woman he's real taken with who got swept up in the town first thing, and she's sitting in and listening; he's thinking about throwing her out, thinking about how much she knows about the place they're found in, and he's furious. But he gets a good grip on his anger and he marches up and he says, look. This dude has been here two days and he's already talking about downsizing?! You're going to listen to this CEO talking about cuts, cuts, cuts? Nah. Trying to circle the wagons is probably impossible, it's stupid, and if you think my men and I are going to enforce that, you can fuck off. That proposal is inside out and bass ackwards. We've got about a six mile diameter of Grantville here; how much food do YOU think we're going to grow? How about the soldiers wandering around, do you think we're going to be able to fight armies off on our lonesome? Look at the few refugees we already have in the room, they'll tell you how those armies will treat you! We could do it for a while, the amount of gun nuts here, but so what? We don't have enough people to shoot them! Not if we're going to do anything else to keep us going! We have about six months of stockpiled coal to keep going, and without another source or getting the coal mines working, we're screwed. We have technical strength but we don't have the supplies or resources we would need to maintain it. Those refugees? They're resources. We need people to do the work we will need to keep ourselves. The hell with downsizing; let's grow outwards! Bring people in, give them safety, see what they can bring to the table once they've had a moment! He invokes: send us your tired, your poor!, and the CEO yells in frustration: this isn't America! so he yells back "it will be!"
And of course everyone cheers. I love Flint for many reasons but he is unapologetic about affection for the America of ideals--ideals, he freely admits, that are often honored in the breach rather than the observance, ideals that are messy and flawed, but nevertheless ideals that can work to inspire us to become the best version of ourselves. For Flint, history is as valuable as a source of stories to inspire ourselves as it is a repository of knowledge, and on this I tend to agree with him. We must learn from our moments of shame but equally we must learn from moments that show us how to be our best selves.
It's been twenty three years and the text is now an interesting historical document in its own right, hitting points and rhythms in beats that are sometimes out of place today. It's not perfect. But the novel contains a commitment to joy and to emphasizing the leaps of faith and understanding that regular, everyday people make every day to try and support each other that I routinely try to match in my writing.
Anyway, one of the strengths of the novel, I think, is its gender politics: it's a very ensemble kind of novel, lots of characters, and it's preoccupied with positive masculinity in a lot of ways. There's a lot of these hyper masculine characters--Mike Stearns perhaps more than anyone else--and--and...
... And Flint's characterization of Stearns, as he sketches out who the man is--his pivotal American leader, ex boxer, working class organizer, big man.... well, it lands equally on "he is delighted and astonished to find a local woman who quickly assesses how the cushion of air in tires works," and "he considers who to set up a Jewish refugee in the middle of Germany up with and he thinks to ask the Jewish family he grew up with to host her and her ill father because he thinks she'll be most comfortable there", and "he views people as potential assets rather than potential drains." A younger man asks him for advice on whether to pursue a professional sports career because of the boxing and he says no, you're in the worst place of not being quite good enough and you'll blow out your knees without accomplishing safety. He frames that interaction such that he allows his own experiences to make him vulnerable and invite the younger man to understand when a struggle have worth it.
It's actually a really deft portrayal of intense masculinity that also makes a virtue of a bunch of traits more usually associated with women: empathy, relational sensitivity, the ability to listen. As a blueprint for what a positive masculinity can look like, vs the toxic kind, it's very well done. I think sometimes when we look at gender roles in terms of virtues, and when masculinity is defined in terms of opposition to femininity, people get lost by arguing that virtues assigned to one gender are somehow antithetical to another gender. In fact that's never been the case: virtues are wholly neutral and can appear in any gender. What the gender does is inflect the ways we expect that virtue to appear in terms of individuals' actions within their society.
Gender isn't purely an individual trait, basically; it's a product of our collective associations. Two characters with different genders can display the same virtues and strengths, but we imagine them expressed in different ways according to our cultural expectations around gender. And I just think that's neat.
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Conventional femininity is not solely defined by being sexually appealing to men-- it's defined by being pleasing to them. You give up wearing tutus and bright colors because they don't want you too noticeable, it draws attention away from them. You don't wear glitter and sequins or faux feathers anymore, because it might get on a man and its rude to put them at risk, masculinity is fragile. You grow up and it's unprofessional to look like you're having fun, to look unrestrained. Playtime is over, you're a woman, not a girl, and a conventional woman's job is to live her life in service and compromise to a husband and children.
A high femme is not conventionally feminine because a high femme does not dress like a grown-up. There is no reason for her to grow out of the pleasure of playing dress-up, of feeling good because she thinks she looks pretty-- not pretty as in fuckable but pretty like a firework: you don't know why it's fun, it just is. And it's LOUD. It takes up SPACE. It stands OUT. The neighbors complain about it. Presenting this way is to be seen as immature, as un-self aware, as not taking ourselves seriously. Some days, yes, it's intentionally confrontational: a fuck-you to compulsory heterosexuality. But most of the time--my God. There's no more room for our gender presentation to grow, no incentive for it to change or become watered down. Sure, we fall prey to commodifying our image for others sometimes-- who of any gender doesn't?
But what I keep coming back to is: everybody just wants to feel right in their gender. I don't know how to feel right in my gender when everyone else defines my gender based on an attraction I don't feel-- but I know I was less defined by that when I was little, and I know back then I had fun wearing sparkles and lace. That's one thing that still feels like me.
Anyway, that's why the Barbie trailer doesn't feel like eye-candy for men.
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so i wanna talk about merna
merna was a little caterpillar kid who hatched from an egg, so named due to being the child of jana and mertreon; this naming convention becomes important later.
incidentally, jana would later request to be my spouse, to which i agreed because why not, i'll marry almost anyone who asks me in this game, but in any case, this made merna my stepkid.
i raised the baby with love, etc. etc., got them up to rank ten, and eventually...
...they became my first disciple, and so far the only one who's asked (the others i picked).
they were uh. very dedicated.
anyway, all's going hunky dory, when one day an incredible development happened:
i didn't know followers could fall in love with each other at all (as opposed to just falling for me) until this happened, and i certainly didn't expect it to be my stepkid with my pet cat narinder.
i decided this opportunity was too good to waste, so...
...and then...
...voilà, weird lumpy baby!
remember what i said about my method for naming babies? well, guess what.
that's right, the one who waits had a baby and i named it merder.
side note, merder would go on to be the first of my followers to request that i, you guessed it...
...fucking murder someone. yeah, that's nari's kid alright, and i named them well.
anyway, back to the- what's this?
merna has fallen in love with leshy! well, i'm not about to claim full monopoly on polyamory (i feel like there's a pun in there), and the first baby was so cute, so i had them make an egg as well.
before i continue, here's leshy graciously thanking me for getting him laid:
anyway, mershy was born.
so after tha- huh?
well.
unfortunately i didn't get screenshots of the next two, but in summary:
that's right, everyone: my stepkid and disciple, merna, successfully turned the entire bishop pantheon into their harem.
and as i'm not one to waste an opportunity like this, i'd like to introduce you all to...
...my collection of weird lumpy stepgrandchildren (plus merna wearing a lovely hat there).
and yes, i made them all disciples.
they would go on to have romantic adventures of their own, many of which being with their aunt/uncles/whatever-the-gender-neutral-word-for-those-is to my increasing horror, disgust, and endless amusement; mershy asked me, their stepgrandparent, for my hand in marriage once (i turned them down; i did say almost anyone; definitely not my own grandkid, blood-related or not); mermar did not ask for my hand in marriage but did ask for a wedding dress and a wedding suit to wear (the game wouldn't let me without marrying them so i didn't do that either, though weirdly enough they spoke as if i made the dress when they requested the suit), and merder became lovers and had a child with a follower who asked me to kill someone as a prank, because of course that's merder's type. but sadly this post is running out of space for images so i won't be posting pics of all that, and this post is about merna anyway.
now, i can't say they're perfect in love...
...or as a parent...
...but i still couldn't ask for a better, more memorable first disciple of the game.
here's to you, merna. please keep being you for as long as i play the specific save file in which you reside. 💖
#cult of the lamb#long post#merna the disciple#leshy#heket#narinder#the one who waits#kallamar#shamura#cotl spoilers#but seriously bishop harem was one of the funniest developments that ever happened in my playthrough#i needed to share it with the world
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I've always said that kubota did orihime soooooooo dirty >:( she literally has god powers and they get diminished so harshly... I've always viewed her power as her having the ability to Reject phenomena. In canon she rejects the fact that people are injured. What would happen if she rejected the fact that someone was alive? That someone was in her way? Reject the injustices that led to her and her friends' world being turned upside down. Anyway I love that your hime has the spine she deserves and I'm so excited to be completely normal about aeiwam
Some Important facts about Orihime from canon:
Orihime is the #3 student in her entire (fairly large) high school. Girl Ain't Stupid- if anything, the fact that she's wildly unorthodox in her projects and STILL pulls those kinds of grades and test scores suggests that her teachers are grading her like that because her weird-ass approaches to assignments demonstrate a thorough understanding of the material, so she may actually be smarter than Uryuu, the #1 student who gives me very strong "I'm very good at taking tests and telling teachers what they want to hear, so I can pull good grades even if I have no clue what the subject is" Vibes.
Orihime cooks weird damn food, and enjoys it. She also has strange ideas about what's cute, exceptionally brightly colored clothes relative to everyone else, and does things like get lost following dragonflies for hours on end. Screams sensory processing Weirdness to me. Maybe I'm projecting a bit here, but Sensory processing disorders come with sensory euphoria too- I get to enjoy a huge variety of strange foods and the sound of rain gives me physical joy.
Orihime's best friends* are:
-The School's Self-affected "weird boy who might be a delinquent or possibly just insane" guy
-A Butch Jock With Anger Issues
-The Crafts Club president who has So Much Gender Happening, and also sort-of grew up in a cult
-The Giant, scary-looking guy who keeps smuggling small animals into school.
-A Genuine sociopath whose family probably has Yakuza Connections
-An extremely powerful supernatural being who is like five times her age
-Keigo.
This is not the friend group of a "Normal"
Taken together, these points form a constellation of THIS GIRL GOT AUTISM.
LIKE SO MUCH.
LEVEL 999 AUTISM MAGE.
She's full of strange joy and magnificently weird and experiencing reality four steps to the left of everyone else AND SHE IS SO, SO SMART.
So in the fic, when she sees Ichigo freaking out because Rukia has been Kidnapped back to Soul Society on Bullshit criminal charges, Orihime does what every autistic person I know does, and immediately begins drafting a Solution.
Namely
She begins drafting an extraction plan.
She gets slightly in over her head with details about what data they need, how much and what kind of resistance they'd be facing etc. etc. until she realizes she needs some concrete answers and, without regard to social conventions like "time" and "Personal space", more or less kicks in the door to Urahara's shop at 2AM, marches directly into his bedroom and starts interrogating him about the civil services in soul society, yes it's weird you sleep naked with your cat sir but I'm not here to pass judgment I'm here to get answers you can put pants on later.
After the resounding success of their operation in Soul Society, the hardest part when Ulquiorra comes to kidnap her and gives her the completely insane circumstances of "you will be invisible and go through walls for 12 hours, prepare yourself." is not vibrating with the absolute mania of the chance to go to Los Noches and FUCK. SHIT. UP.
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shoutout to @princeasimdiya12 for their super cool matakara utena analysis, check it out i am chewing on it as i write this!!! i was honestly blindsided by how much the two had in common and it really made me think about why my interpretation was the way it was in the first place, so this ended up being…about a lot of other things, and a lot more complicated than my arajin utena post.
anyway, you wanna see me go fully off the rails? *slaps matakara = reverse anthy ramblings on the table*
(i would recommend reading my reverse utena arajin post first for slight context for this insanity. also some major utena spoilers below the cut, so be warned!!)
Now I can hear you asking: How is Matakara the reverse Anthy to Arajin's reverse Utena? How is Matakara an Anthy in the first place?? crafty how the fuck does this make sense to you this show is not that deep??? I can answer two of those questions!
First we gotta bring up princesses again. Princesses do not have a tangible equivalent like how honki people = princes, but they don't have to have one. After all, princesses plays a vital role in the Aladdin allusion. And yes by the logic of Utena all girls are princesses, but Matakara is specifically the princess to Arajin's 'prince', which from an meta perspective is what makes him special. But he's not the only princess. Let's talk Arajin and Mahoro!
(there was a tangent here about how the show defines strength, but it was kind of off topic so I cut it. TLDR, uhhh despite some evidence stating otherwise strength in bucchigiri exists separately from gender, something something girls can be honki people men can be princesses etc.)
In RGU, the student council members and Utena see worth in claiming Anthy because to them the Rose Bride is a symbol of something they wish to attain. Their wishes stem from events from their past, and since they all refuse to grow past these events they remain stagnant characters, trapped within the academy.
Guess who also remains stagnant because he refuses to mature past his wish!
(what i'm getting from this is that a reverse anthy is a lot like an utena lol)
Let's focus on Arajin for a second. Arajin, as the reverse Utena, abandoned the honki person dream as soon as he realised he couldn't save Matakara. Mahoro is a symbol of the ordinary life as a teenage boy he wants to have, and Matakara symbolises the fairytale he doesn't feel worthy of and wants to leave behind. Mahoro is like Anthy (and Matakara) kind of in the way that Nanami is like Anthy. Essence of Anthy. Rose Bride Lite. Which makes Matakara more of an Anthy imo.
(I think there's something to be said about compulsory heterosexuality if you consider how Mahoro being a girl makes her a conventional princess for Arajin to chase, while Matakara may be everything Arajin wants, but his gender and closeness to the fairytale Arajin is trying to escape bars him from being an option. Also interesting how no matter how Arajin tries to distract himself with Mahoro, everything he wants Mahoro to be eventually circles back to Matakara.)
(something could also be said about the mahoro/matakara and nanami/anthy parallels, but i Do Not have the brainpower to unpack that atm lmao)
Anyway, Arajin is just so, stupidly determined to achieve his dream, which I think makes him a lot more Utena-like. Matakara...not so much? Before Arajin comes back into his life, it's the community of Minato Kai that gives him the stability he needs to largely ignore his monster, so he kind of puts his dream on the back burner.
He was doing fine...then Arajin fell back into his life and he got reminded of the promise he left behind.
So, Matakara is a princess! He's literally the princess of the fairytale allusion and he's someone who wants to be saved from a monster (the nebulous driving force for princes to save girls and turn them into princesses). In Anthy's case, the monster Utena wanted to save her from was the burden of humanity's hatred. Matakara's monster is a product of his own inner darkness.
It’s established that while Matakara may have a strong will, he’s too weak-hearted to become a honki person on his own. In fact, his weak heart is exactly what makes him a princess. But even then he doesn't fully fit into the mould. Princesses are supposed to be pure and passive, and Matakara is neither (at least not completely). His darkness may manifest as a monster, but before his recruitment into Minato Kai he goes to pretty morally dubious lengths in his attempts to become ‘strong’. Furthermore, not only is he rejected by his prince, it's revealed to him that his prince never existed. Arajin was a liar, and he was never going to save him. And so Ichiya uses that against him. He acts as Matakara’s saviour and threatens him with the idea of the monster to get him to kill the 'false' prince.
As powerful as she is, years of trauma have made it impossible for Anthy to break from the cycle of abuse on her own. Isolated from all support, Matakara is not in a mental state where he can break free of his monster either. Ichiya and Akio have free reign to manipulate Matakara and Anthy into becoming vessels for their revolution because at this point in the plot, they're all they have left. The twisted visions of the once-noble prince and honki person.
In Utena terms, Matakara is a princess who wants to defeat his own monster by becoming a prince. Anthy is a princess who doesn't think she should be saved at all. Matakara is someone who fights tooth and nail to be free from his demons at all costs, while Anthy simply allows hers to consume her out of guilt and love for the monster she used to know. Both need help from someone who understands them.
But killing the fake prince won't turn Matakara into a prince himself. What was that saying about girls who can’t be saved by a prince? What's left for you if you're not strong enough to be a prince and not pure enough to be a princess?
Anthy could tell you.
Matakara from Episode 1-7 reminds me of the version of Anthy from Adolescene of Utena. Dios and Akio can no longer directly influence Anthy, so she gets to be far more strong-willed and assertive. However, she’s still ultimately trapped within mental barriers she’s set for herself, hence why she still wants Utena to become her prince (like how Matakara still wants to become a honki person with Arajin). If you interpret Adolescence as a sequel to the original series like I do, then you can picture Matakara's descent from Adolescence Anthy to RGU Anthy due to Ichiya and Akutaro's manipulations as the reverse of Anthy’s character progression.
so...matakara is basically a reverse anthy.
Incredibly jaded Anthy neck-deep in manipulative abuse from a higher power gradually warms up to Utena because of her genuine kindness and inner strength. Incredibly naive Matakara is manipulated by a higher power into losing faith in Arajin through the revelation that his strength and bravery were an illusion. Through their abuse and suffering both characters attain power that stored/drawn from their chest/heart from someone emotionally manipulating the absolute shit out of them to serve their own selfish goals. Almost the whole cast victimises Anthy and considers her lower than them, while Utena alone treats her like an equal. Matakara alone believes he’s inferior to Arajin and strives to be on even ground to him, while Arajin pushes Matakara away because he believes he’s not good enough for Matakara. Anthy gives Utena a respectful title that she gives to all of her grooms, only to call Utena by her name without any honorifics once she’s freed herself from the Rose Bride system. Everyone who wants to get close to Arajin gives him a nickname, but Matakara’s is particularly childish and personal. Anthy's older brother is a manipulative monster, and Anthy’s ultimate revolution is her emancipation from him and the system he perpetuates. Matakara's older brother is so ideologically good it ultimately becomes his downfall, and his injury becomes the catalyst for Matakara’s descent into despair. Anthy constantly changes how she acts depending on who she needs to manipulate into the duels. Matakara is the only main character who always presents himself with utmost sincerity. They’re both full of love at their core, but their circumstances fill them with hatred and hopelessness. Their first reintroductions to Utena and Arajin are them being observed through a window. They both suck at cooking. i have to post this before the next episode proves me wrong-
#bucchigiri?!#matakara asamine#anthy himemiya#revolutionary girl utena#reading way too far into stories through an utena-ist lens can be something so personal#i need utena anthy matakara and arajin all in a room together. see who kills who first#crafty speaks
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Can I request a drabble? The length is up to you, where the homelander meets the reader for the first time, and they have a massive crush on him, and he can hear their heart going so fast and finds it so flattering and makes his ego much bigger than it needs to be. Thank you!!
ohhhhh this didn't entirely turn out the way i expected, but i hope you like it anyways! thanks so much for the request!
2.6k homelander x gn reader, sfw except for homelander's internal dialogue and a wee bit at the end. timeline is either early or pre s1.
i know i usually skew towards female readers, but i tried to keep this one entirely gender neutral. let me know how i did, and enjoy! 🖤
Meeting fans is an everyday recurrence for Homelander. It's expected from a man of his station and notoriety. Aside from happenstance encounters during his daily duties, there’s also conventions and meet-and-greets. In addition, every once in a while, Vought employees are given the opportunity to invite friends and family for a tour of the tower. Rarer yet, for the chance to meet members of The Seven.
Of them all, Homelander is without a doubt, in his humble opinion, the most enduring among them. Most often it’s children and spouses. For them, it’s the best day of their lives. For Homelander, it’s just another Wednesday.
Nonetheless, he tirelessly grins bright for every sticky-faced child and overgrown fanboy. He salutes diligently for selfies, and signs enough autographs to dry out his sharpie. The movements are automatic by now. Object comes in, object is signed, object is returned. Smile. Salute. You’re the real heroes!
Every single second of it is like the monotonous tick of a clock. Greasy fingers loudly slapping against touch screens, the occasional flash that he pretends doesn’t set his teeth on edge.
He’s handed another piece of paper, he signs it, he offers it back out.
Except you don’t take it. Instead, you’re just staring at him.
Suddenly, Homelander is zapped back to reality, the dissociative clockwork grind coming to a halt. He blinks, looking down, and realizes the paper he’s just signed is an envelope. Beneath his scrawling signature, a previous note is visible: To Homelander. He assumes that’s your name written just below it. It’s a letter for him.
“Oh, haha. Wow. Talk about your bonehead moves,” he says, lifting a gloved hand to playfully knock on his own skull. “Hello, is anyone home?”
You laugh, and he takes the opportunity to actually look at you. You’re bright eyed and as starstruck as any fan, but there’s a sincerity to your smile that’s more noteworthy than most. Your gaze has clarity to it that tells him you’re not just looking at a famous person, you’re looking at him. He likes that.
Now that he’s actually paying attention, he’s surprised the beat of your heart didn’t hook him first. It’s pounding in your chest, the heat of it giving you a healthy flush all over. He’s willing to bet he could feel the heat of your skin clear through his gloves. Look at you, he thinks, biting back a wolfish smile. He knows already that you’d melt sweeter than ice cream in his hands. He licks his lips, giving you a once over. His eyes move quickly enough that you couldn’t possibly have seen it.
You prove distracting enough that he doesn’t even notice the man at your side until he speaks.
“There, happy? Been begging me for this for weeks,” the man says, giving you a nudge. He grins when he says, “Now you owe me one.”
Homelander cocks his head sharply, like a bird of prey catching sight of a rat.
“I was not begging,” you say under your breath, visibly flustered. You pull away from his second attempt to nudge you. “Dan, please,” you say, the word stressed in a way that seems to hold meaning between the two of you.
Please what, Dan? How about ‘Please don’t fucking embarrass me in front of the goddamn Homelander’?
Homelander sizes the guy up, subtly quirking a brow. He looks like someone’s intern, or maybe a tech grunt. Flimsy, without an ounce of charisma or presence. He probably would have mistaken the guy for a tall house plant if he hadn’t said anything.
“This your boyfriend?” He asks, maintaining that friendly tone of his. Neither of you seem to notice the edge creeping into it. He taps the envelope absently against his palm.
“No! No, no,” You’re quick to say. Homelander doesn’t miss the look Dan gives you at the sharpness of your response. “Just friends.”
He smiles. Woof, that’s gatta sting, huh, buddy? It’s hilarious to think what this guy thought bringing you to Homelander was gonna do for his obvious situation. Did he think it was gonna get him a nice thank-you blowjob, or worse, a relationship? As if you’d have any interest in Dan after meeting an honest to god superhero. Someone you’ve apparently been begging to meet, which certainly paints a pretty picture.
Homelander begins peeling open the letter, but you throw out your hand to stop him, gently touching the top of his. He was right, he really can feel the heat of you through the leather.
“Wait! I’m sorry, I just want to say thank you, and tell you that I admire you so much, which is already in that letter, and I’m rambling, and I’m sorry for that too, but I would probably shrivel up and die right now if you read that letter before I’m twenty miles away,” you say, nervous laughter bubbling up towards the end. You belatedly snatch your hand away, twice as flustered as you had been a moment before. He can still feel the lingering warmth of your hand on his.
“Holy smokes, fan behavior much?” Dan laughs, wrapping his arm around you to give your shoulder a little shake. It’s pathetic how desperately he’s trying to make himself relevant right now. Worse than that is how blatantly uninterested in him you are. Homelander very nearly rolls his eyes.
Instead, he purposefully softens his expression. He tucks the letter into his belt, and puts his hands on his hips. “Say, I don’t suppose you’ve seen the courtyard yet, have you? They call it The Garden of Heroes,” he says, leaning in to whisper the last bit to you, as if it’s a secret.
Your breath catches when he leans so near to you, and you shake your head. You give such a sweet little smile, he almost kisses you right then and there. You’re so wrapped around his finger, he’s sure you’d welcome it. He’d love to rub it in the nose of this joke of a man standing next to you, a man who was idiotic enough to deliver someone he clearly wanted right into Homelander’s hands.
Instead, he simply gestures you forward. “Then allow me to finish out your tour properly.”
You look thoroughly enchanted, eyes blown wide, lips parted. “Okay, yes! Sure. I would love that,” you say, excited as can be. You take a step forward, and he maneuvers himself perfectly between you and Dan, settling a hand on the small of your back to guide you. As the three of you walk, he catches Dan’s eye, and tosses him a wink.
For the rest of the walk, he savors the sound of Dan gritting his teeth.
Outside, Homelander gestures broadly to Vought’s expansive courtyard garden. It’s decorated with statues of heroes past and present, staggering monuments kept in pristine condition. He walks the two of you down a handful of rows, but in accordance with his plan, he stops abruptly. Putting his hands on his hips, he blows a raspberry. “You know, the view’s just not the same from down here.” Next, he makes a face, as if this brilliant idea has only just occurred to him, and snaps his fingers before he points to you. “Hey, why don’t you let me show you my view?”
“Your view?” You echo, glancing at Dan, who by this point has taken the very mature approach of outright moping.
“Yeah! C’mere, let me give you a real tour,” he says, holding his hand out to you.
“Uh, I don’t think that–” Dan begins, but you’re already stepping past him, taking Homelander’s outstretched hand.
With a bright smile, you say, “I’d love that.”
For as eagerly as you accept, you still yelp when Homelander effortlessly hauls you up into his arms. With one arm at your back, and the other supporting your knees, he says, “Hang on tight,” and shoots into the sky so swiftly, Dan is left shielding his face from the swirling winds of debris your ascent kicks up.
At first, Homelander thinks you’re screaming. After a beat, however, he realizes you’re laughing, arms wrapped so tightly around his neck, you’d be choking out anyone else. Gradually, he slows to a stop, hovering dozens upon dozens of feet off the ground, Dan and the gardens below a distant thought. Your breaths are coming in sharp and shallow, and if he thought your heart was pounding before, it’s nothing compared to now. It might just burst right out of your chest.
You’re still working out the giggles, or maybe you’re coming down from a mild hysteria. Either way, you eventually start to breathe more evenly, though your hold around his neck doesn’t loosen whatsoever.
“Holy shit,” you whisper, peering down at the distant earth below. When you turn back to look at him, you look surprised all over to be face to face with him. Homelander, who hasn’t taken his eyes off you, flashes his best hero’s smile. He’s satisfied by the way you fluster all over again, quickly looking away, hyper aware of how close your faces are, the press of your bodies as he holds you. It all happened so fast, perhaps it hadn’t dawned on you when you accepted that you would be so wholly at his mercy, snug in his arms, fifty feet in the air.
Works every time.
Homelander absently taps his fingers where he’s holding your leg. “What’d I tell you? Nothing beats this view.”
“It’s amazing,” you say, lifting your gaze to stare out across the city scape. “I can’t believe you can just… do this. You’re amazing,” you say, and though you don’t meet his eye, the sincerity in that praise strikes right through to the core of him like a hot lance.
“You have no idea,” he murmurs, musing on every one of his wonders he could show you. If you think this is amazing, wait until you see what he can do with his strength.
The wind must be loud in your ears, because you look back to him and ask, “What?”
“I said you’re too kind,” he says louder, teeth sharp and pearly white as he lies cleanly through them. You smile, none the wiser, but this time your gaze lingers on his. Your arms aren’t in quite such a chokehold around his neck anymore. You’re leaning against him more easily now, learning to trust the security of his hold.
“Do you do this for all your smitten fans?” You ask. You must think you’re being subtle with the way your fingers are toying with the hair at the nape of his neck, but he feels it viscerally. Whether you know it or not, you’re making it difficult for him to focus, to maintain the facade.
“Smitten?” He repeats, his smile turning a touch sly. “Is that what that letter is about?”
“Oh, god,” you say, lifting your hand from his neck to cover your face. He wishes you’d put it back, keep playing with his hair like that. “On second thought, maybe give me that back. Or burn it.”
“No, no, it’s mine now. What’s in it? I mean, I could always just read it now,” he says, taking his arm from your back to reach threateningly for his belt. The lack of support prompts you to secure your arms back around his neck with a cute, distressed little noise.
“To be completely honest, I’d rather you dropped me,” you say, earning a bark of laughter from him. It’s the first genuine laugh he’s had all day. Maybe all week.
“Cahhh’mooooonnn,” he drawls, putting his arm back around you. “It can’t be that bad.”
“It’s pretty tragic,” you lament, though your sheepish little smile suggests otherwise. He lifts both brows, stubbornly holding your gaze until you finally exhale a breath that tells him he’s won. “I… God, this is embarrassing. You, uhm… I know that I don’t know the real you, but who you are to the public, and the things you do… You mean a lot to me. You’ve brought me a lot of comfort. Helped bring me out of some pretty dark places, and I wanted to say thank you. For that. For choosing to be someone good when a lot of people weren’t.”
Homelander blinks. It shouldn’t catch him off guard. Your sincerity was what drew him in in the first place. Of course you don’t know the real him. No one does. By that same token, no one’s ever acknowledged to his face that there might be more to him than what Vought spoon feeds America’s braindead population through movies, TV specials, hokey interviews, and every other possible means of exploitation.
You don’t talk like you know him, but you sure as fuck sound as though you’d like to know him.
The silence stretches on just a hair too long, and he sees uncertainty rising in your eyes. He clears his throat, and breaks the sudden tension with a well practiced chuckle. “Well, that’s what heroes do, isn’t it? They save people.”
“Yeah,” you say, and he’s not sure how he can be expected to think when your fingers graze the back of his neck like that. “You’ve always been my hero.”
He’s close to you now, closer than ever before. He can’t smell anything aside from the crisp scent of peppermint lingering on your breath. He imagines you popping a mint between those soft lips in anticipation of this moment, as if you were the mastermind who had orchestrated all of this, and not the other way around. For the first time, he lets you see the way his gaze dips briefly to your mouth. He licks his own lips reflexively.
“Righty then, whelp… You’ve got a choice to make now,” he says, tilting his head slightly. “I can begin our descent, deliver you safely back onto solid ground, back to… Dan,” he says, unable to keep the edge of distaste off his tongue when he drops the name. “And the two of you can go about your day.”
He waits long enough that you’re the one to prompt him with, “Or…?”
“Or,” he picks up, lips curving into a pleased smile. “I can just take you straight home, and you can forget all about whatever he thinks you owe him.”
You bite your lip, stifling a smile. There it is again, the quickening of your pulse, the eager pattering of your heart. Now he can feel the heat of your body against him, seeping through the layers that separate you, teasing him.
“Sounds like I’ll just be going from owing him to owing you,” you say, playing as if you’re mentally balancing the pros and cons between the two. He doesn’t buy it for a second.
Homelander clicks his tongue. “Mmm, mhm, mm. I see. And is that a risk you’re willing to take?”
Instead of answering, you kiss him. For the first time in as long as he can remember, Homelander is genuinely shocked by it. Between the heartfelt letter, the shy smiles and the generally reserved way you’d handled yourself, he really didn’t think you had it in you. Yet here he is, melting into the press of your lips–they’re as soft as they looked–and pulling you closer, deeper.
A noise dangerously close to a whimper escapes the back of his throat when you push your fingers up into his hair. He opens easily to the first swipe of your tongue, reciprocating without hesitation. What he had previously interpreted as shyness strikes him now as finely measured control.
You’re just full of surprises, aren’t you?
By the time the two of you part, you’re both breathing in shallow, warm huffs against the others lips.
“I’m good with risks,” you say, voice low. “Are you?”
Homelander, wild-eyed and hard as a rock, laughs airily. “Fuck yes I am.”
You smile, making no attempts this time to hide it, and finally, Homelander sees deviousness to the edges of it that he did not notice before. “Good. Then take me home.”
With goddamn pleasure.
#is this anything???? haha sometimes i write a fic and i'm like GOD I HOPE THIS IS SOMETHING#anyways you sent this a million years ago but i hope you like it! <3#homelander x reader#homelander x you#my writing#ask and you shall receive#gn reader#fluff#i should NOT be posting fic this late but i'm not disciplined enough to wait and post at a reasonable hour so i'll just rb it later lolol
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Viktor Nikiforov, genderfluidity, and the gendered conventions of Russian language
I've always headcanon-ed that Viktor identifies as genderfluid, and playing around with this concept has been one of my favorite parts of my post-canon, married Viktuuri series, "Gold's On The Inside, Elevated My Feet", which you can read here if you'd like to immerse yourself in a very long (currently 191K) WIP/larger series. I'm currently working on a multichapter story (probably will be anywhere from 1-3 chapters) that focuses on his decision to come out publicly, and it's made me think about the inherently gendered way that Russian language works.
One thing that I like to have fun with in my writing is deliberately having Yuuri and Viktor say 'fuck that' to grammar conventions in Russian and just use whatever pet names/endearments they want, regardless of if they are 'male' or 'female' gendered. As an aside, I find it convenient that 'zolotsye' (meaning 'my gold') is gender-neutral. It's sent me down a rabbit hole of research around what options are available to genderfluid folks who speak/use Russian. As one might guess, they are limited :(
Anyways, just wanted to post this to ask if folks have any favorite Viktor/gender non-conformity stories they can recommend? I would love to see more of it in the fandom (hence, my excitement to post my work when it's done).
#yuri on ice#yuri!!! on ice#viktuuri#victuuri#yuri on ice fanfiction#yuri on ice headcanons#my writing#my fic writing#viktor nikiforov#victor nikiforov#genderfluid victor nikiforov#genderfluid viktor nikiforov
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Sophie and Agatha don’t need to be a couple to be queer.
I really dislike the rhetoric that if agaphie isn’t canon, than Agatha and Sophie are straight. They are both EXTREMELY queer coded as just individuals. (tbh so many of the sge characters are -- that series is the gayest fucking heteronormative shit I have ever laid eyes on smh)
Let’s start with Agatha, coz hers is the most obvious. That girl is a bisexual through and through. From the start, she is already deemed an outsider by her village; that Randy guy or whatever even says that she “has no friends and is queer”. So, from the get-go, Agatha is already different. She also doesn’t fit into the conventional notions of femininity. She doesn’t like very traditional feminine activities. In the books, she dresses goth as opposed to the very ‘girly’ girls in her village. In the movies, she dresses in a very androgynous/masc style. (also keep in mind that this series is 19th inspired — so what was considered gnc is gonna be different)
When she’s sent to the school for good, she is forced into roles of femininity that she never had to before. However, as much as she hates it, she still wants to be perceived as beautiful and normal, hence the famous dovey ‘you’re beautiful just the way you are’ scene.
Now from then on, i wish that instead of deciding to change herself and beecome very feminine, Agatha, decides to accept who she is, and maybe even wears a suit to the dance or smth. Now, alot of people argue that Agatha had to unlearn her internalised misogyny, which she definitely had a lot of; please remember that alot of this misogyny came from never being accepted as the girl that she was in her home town. Once Dovey accepts her and tells her that she’s beautiful, Agatha is able to feel more confident and secure in gender presentation more than ever while ALSO accepting the girls around her who are more feminine.
Ok, now moving onto Sophie. that girl is the biggest comphet lesbian i have ever seen. Like please, her attraction to men is not geniune in the slightest. Her crush on Tedros was more about securing her status as the princess she always wanted to be, her crush on Rafal was also about status, and the desperate need to feel loved and wanted by somebody. And as for Rhian, I assume she just wanted to feel loved properly after her failed relationships (don’t even get me started on hort -- she settled for that boy big time and i’m still mad about it).
I definitely think that before the sisters plot she had a crush on agatha (and agatha had a crush on her lol) and later on she was def in love with Nicola -- No i will not elaborate (ok perhaps i will but on a seperate post lmao).
Anyways, as much as i wish Agaphie had been canon, I wish at least we got a confirmation that Agatha is bi & gnc (or perhaps nb??) and that Sophie is a lesbian with comphet. They are both so fucking queer coded and we deserved it. Having hope that this is addressed in the movie.
Also lets not even get started on Tedros’ bi coding lol.
#sge#sge movie#school for good and evil#The School for Good and Evil#the school for good and evil movie#agaphie#tagatha#hophie#sophie of the woods beyond#agatha of the woods beyond#tedros of camelot#queer#queer coding#queer-baiting#idk why soman refuses to give us queer rep#like isn't he queer himself??#still hoping for agaphie movie canon lol#im delusional#bisexual#lesbian#nicphie
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i want to send you my hlvrai hcs but unfortunately all i do all day every day is rotate a png of benrey around in my brain for 24 hours. that being said here are some pronouns. of course you have science and pronouns. thats nothing. anyways
benny he/they/it but like. if he doesn't like you they'll say you're misgendering them no matter what you use and then it'll bite you. and also if it does like you they'll also bite you but affectionately.
bubby any pronouns EXCEPT he/she/they/it. ONLY non-conventional and neopronouns. maybe even no pronouns, only name. dr coomer's wifesband. huswif. the two of them use random mashups and its always different :]
dr coomer took her wife's pronouns in the divorce. he/she/they/it
love Tommy collecting neopronouns like beyblades.
gman He/Him like god. godman. He'll yell at you if you don't capitalize it, which most of the science team understands, but gordon doesn't. "THIS IS A VERBAL CONVERSATION?????" "yeah and you didnt capitalize the h. mr freeeeeman."
joshua growing up around the science team and not really understanding gender or pronouns because of it. his teacher is like "your kid keeps calling other kids 'it' in the classroom and it's very disrespectful, please come to this meeting with me." and then they see joshie's dad, (who she knows) with a guy who's clearly an alien, a cyborg, a guy who could be normal but for xer anime-ass glasses sharp teeth and might actually be on fire, a very tall child with a propeller hat who is GLOWING???, and a guy who is so ominous they can't even look at Him. and theyre just like "ok nvm i see."
i love coomer and bubby having fun awesome pronouns yay but GMAN IS FUCKING KILLING ME. GORDON FREEMANS ENDLESS NIGHTMARE
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books
there are a few books I've read recently, like in the last year, that no one ever talks about. they're not the booktok or tumblr darlings so it's hard to find other people who are interested in them. anyway most of these are at least subtextually queer and written prior to 1970, and those vintage queer vibes go so fucking hard. like once you read pre-1970s queer lit it's really hard to read a modern LGBT romance.
Another Country by James Baldwin. James Baldwin was an actual icon. He lived between New York City and Paris and wrote profoundly human books about race, gender, and sexuality while also being an American civil rights activist and orator. Another Country is Baldwin's third novel, published in 1962. It follows a group of artists in Greenwich Village and their various relationships with one another. It looks at racism, Black masculinity, interracial relationships, homosexuality, and bisexuality, and it explores all of these societal issues through the microcosms of different romantic and sexual relationships between the characters. Baldwin's writing is like Jazz. It is rhythmic, smooth, and breathtaking. If you liked Giovanni's room, read this. It is much more nuanced in its exploration of both race and sexuality.
The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K Le Guin. Le Guin's mind is revolutionary. She is everything jk r*wling is credited for, except far better as her most famous books center people of color and androgynous people. She published the first The Earthsea Quartet, a series about a boy wizard at a wizarding school, in 1964 and was never credited as inspiration by r*wling. The Left Hand of Darkness was published in 1969 and won both the Hugo and the Nebula that year. The book follows a human who visits a planet where he finds that its inhabitants are all completely androgynous for the majority of their lives. It is a beautiful exploration of love, trust, and the ability to see past societal conventions to truly love and understand other people.
The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson. Shirley Jackson is perhaps best known for her short story The Lottery, or unfortunately for the incredibly unfaithful Netflix TV adaptation of this novel. Published in 1959, The Haunting of Hill House follows Eleanor Vance, a woman in her early 30s who has about the maturity of a 19-year-old, as she is recruited along with a group of others to live at the mysterious Hill House. The book is essentially psychological horror and follows Eleanor as she is driven mad by her own feelings of otherness and isolation from the world. There is also some incredibly lesbian subtext in the novel between the two female main characters which adds really interesting layers to Eleanor's feelings of otherness. It's a quick and compelling read and gives interesting insight into the lives of two women in the late 1950s who cannot adhere to the standards of womanhood set for them in society.
#books#book recommendations#james baldwin#another country#giovannis room#queer books#queer book recommendations#the left hand of darkness#ursula k le guin#the haunting of hill house#shirley jackson#the lottery#booktok#lgbt books
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considering each of the mxtx main pairings, which do you think would be most fun as a f/f ship, and please also talk about why (and what, if anything, changes about the dynamics)
Excellent question that I'm not yet fully qualified to answer bc I still haven't read the entirety of TGCF - but I'm pretty sure that my opinion on this won't change even once I have. I just think that the objectively correct answer here is Bingqiu.
I mean, from what I've gathered from the first 2.5 volumes of TGCF, F/F Hualian is like... partly canon anyways, due to the general gender stuff TGCF gods seem to have going on. And Wangxian would be interesting mostly due to the fact that the MDZS universe seems to be the most sexist one out of MXTX's universes, but I'm personally a little tired of Narratives About Historical Sexism. I'm absolutely deeply in love with fem!Xie Lian and Lan Wangji and I would let both fem!Hua Cheng and the Yiling Matriarch step on me, but the thing is.
Bingqiu.
BINGQIU. F/F Bingqiu fucks so hard! LIKE. OKAY. The thing about Scum Villain is that this story happens on approximately five different layers. You have the actual "reality" of what is happening in Scum Villain, including the emotions and experiences of the characters, but this "reality" is also shaped by the fact that it's a novel, and a particular genre of novel (a stallion novel at first and a danmei novel later on). There is a meta level built into the story. On top of that, you have the additional layer of the original PIDW plot, which again is driven by the conventions of its genre. These are all layers Shen Qingqiu is aware of! But there's ALSO the world Shen Yuan and Airplane are from, and their experiences in that world, including the tropes they know of and the internet they interact with, direct their actions in the world of PIDW as well as the way PIDW itself was written. And then there's obviously the actual meta level, the one that we and MXTX are on, where MXTX writes trope subversions and commentary on webnovel genres and internet culture that we as readers can pick up on. I love Scum Villain.
Anyways, all that means that if you change something as fundamental to the narrative as the gender of its main characters (bc gender dynamics are pretty damn important for a story that is in part about male power fantasies), you have to adjust every single one of those layers. Which I think is dope.
Luo Binghe has a lot of character traits, but on the first meta level, Luo Binghe is primarily the protagonist! So if Luo Binghe is a woman, PIDW can't be a stallion novel. What, then, is PIDW? I think there are a bunch of different options, and every single one creates a slightly different dynamic! Additionally, every single one creates a very slightly different Shen Yuan, AND - and this is vitally important to me - every single one creates different commentary on the second meta level. Subversion and commentary are such a huge part of what Scum Villain is (and what Bingqiu are) that I, at least, want that layer to stay intact in this AU.
I've talked about this before, I think, but I want to talk about it more. Scum Villain is in part about the effects male power fantasies have on men! If PIDW were a reverse harem novel targeted at straight women, for example, Scum Villain might be about the effects female power fantasies have on women! You'd have Luo Binghe, who can have everything she wants bc she's the protagonist, but whose life has to be centred around romances with various men. I'd love to read a deconstruction of the reverse harem genre, bc it's such an alienating type of story for me as a lesbian - like, this type of female power fantasy hinges on the protagonist being attractive and attracted to men; it's unimaginable to have a classic female power fantasy without a romance with a man! On the other hand, PIDW as an erotic novel targeted at men would create so much fun commentary on sapphic sexuality. That's probably my favourite version of F/F Bingqiu, so I'm picking that dynamic to talk about in-depth:
Shen Yuan, in this, hate-reads a bad porn novel where the badass female protagonist - her favourite - is objectified and over-sexualised on every second page and exists to be masturbation material for the primarily straight male audience. I imagine that she writes a lot of rants in the comment section about how sexist PIDW is and how Luo Binghe would be an exceptional female character if she weren't the protagonist of a porn novel.
Luo Binghe, protagonist of a porn novel, after the Abyss starts to utilise her looks and her sexuality to make her way to the top. In the Scum Villain setting, of course, she's however deeply in love with Shen Qingqiu, who unfortunately is the only person her seduction techniques don't work on – because Shen Qingqiu is horribly attracted to Luo Binghe, but can’t detach her perception of Luo Binghe as attractive from the objectifying descriptions she read in the original novel. She already brainwashed herself into believing that she was never affected by Luo Binghe in writing, just disgusted by the fanservice, and now she brainwashes herself even harder bc Luo Binghe is a real person she knows now and not a sex symbol to get off to. (Plus, she’s into the submissive pouty housewife act! That’s even worse! She’s not even close to admitting she’s into women at all, she has to brainwash her way out of that!)
Meanwhile, everyone wants Luo Binghe except for the one person Luo Binghe wants to want her! I imagine that would mess with her head, especially after Shen Qingqiu’s death. Her relationship with her own sexuality is also pretty messed up, because her experience with it is focused on making herself desirable to other people, not on her actual desires. Luo Binghe, who only knows how to perform for the male gaze and gets no satisfaction from that vs. Shen Qingqiu, who can’t deal with the fact that she feels sexual attraction to a woman written for the male gaze. I think that sounds suitably disastrous for Bingqiu, and I feel like these are also extremely common wlw experiences. Layers! I want them to kiss, and I want them to kiss on the meta level! (And I want Luo Binghe to become comfortable with being seductive for the person she actually desires, and Shen Qingqiu to admit that she wants Luo Binghe.)
Finally, I think that there's one aspect of Scum Villain that would work better if Bingqiu were women, and that's Airplane. Like, PIDW is bad because Airplane had to abandon every notion of writing a serious, good story in order to make enough money to eat. In the end, the changes Shen Qingqiu makes to the novel are much closer to the original outline and Shang Qinghua is pretty satisfied with them. But like, danmei is a popular genre. Internationally popular, by now! You can make money with danmei! I think that particular message would be a bit more poignant if PIDW ended up as a baihe - the kind of story you wouldn't tell if you wanted to make money.
#/thanks for enabling my lesbian bingqiu obsession#/it was really fucking difficult not to write an entire novel here#/tl;dr: the answer is BINGQIU A MILLION TIMES#[epistulae ad atticum]#girls night girls night girls night#genderbend#svsss
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Hm.
Nanami and Juri are girl princes. Maybe Kozoue too... Shiroi maybe?
Saionji and Miki are boy princesses.
more complicated than this imho but thats just because im weird and transsexual. i have rambled underneath about my feelings about boy-princess- and girl-prince-isms, and the general bullshit of ohtori’s rigid categorisation because it’s something that compels me to no end.
juri is a girl prince but everyone forgets that she's a girl until she actually tries to act like a boy, and then they punish her for it. nanami is like a calf-shaped prince. ive said this before, but it's genuinely how i feel. she's not a girl, she's a farm animal (to ohtori; and admittedly, there isn't much difference in ohtori, but it's explicitly said about nanami when it isnt for other girls).
now. ive never really got the 'miki is a boy princess' thing because like.... sure miki is a 13 year old androgynous little boy with short hair and he doesnt exactly ooze masculinity in everyones eyes but um. two things. one is that he actually commands more respect than saionji as a male and therefore princely figure (saionji isnt princely whatsoever and never tries to be bc his ideas about masculinity are in contradiction with akio's all-american bullshit) and the other is that he is, hilariously in my opinion, the only character other than akio shown to drive the car in the series. like, it's a dream sequence/projector illusion (?) but the fact that we see miki in the driver's seat, hands on the wheel, is kind of a huge deal for the show where they loveeeeeee to refuse to show you stuff that destabilises ohtori's artifice. miki has a very conventional and straightforward desire to be a prince to anthy (you know, if you ignore everything with kozue; but arguably his displacement and warping of his feelings in that way is typically ohtori) and he could totally pull that off imho. he's just a little too young for the moment, and unwilling to manipulate and coerce others like, say, touga is. this isn't to say there's no gender fuckery going on with miki because there 100% is, as there is with all rgu characters, i just wouldnt describe him as a boy princess.
anyway <3 kozue deffo has princely qualities but i would probably box hers in with anthy's. they are both princes repackaged as witches because their genders destabilise the ideal of the prince and its artifice. this is something that happens to all of ohtori's little sisters, because they demonstrate utmostly princeliness towards their brothers, but nanami gets special calf-shaped prince privileges because i have kiryuu sibling brain worms. anthy and kozue are very conscious of their witchification as they are conscious of their sexuality, and how that impacts their relationships with their brothers. nanami is not.
shiori is also an interesting case because she and ruka are. well. theyre just fucking bonkers arent they. everything they say about each other is also equally applicable to themselves. i think that out of our three roles (prince, princess, witch/rose bride), some combination of witch and princess seems most fitting? like shiori is 100% a witch, and ruka was the perfect prince until he got sock-puppeted by akio in such a way that. well ruka's complicated and frankly i dont have time to get into it right now (know, however, that i hate his reanimated guts). shiori wants to be a princess and she wants to be pursued hopelessly but in having that desire, she is a witch. there is perhaps a perverse princeliness to her desire, but id argue that that's just what being a witch is. slayyyyyyy
now in regards to saionji. he's a boy princess but also it's complicated. saionji doesnt want to be a prince and saionji doesnt have any interest in princehood because, fundamentally, he doesnt care for it. princehood is built upon these americanised ideals and aesthetics that dont resonate with his very traditionally japanese understanding and performance of masculinity, and he just feels kind of disillusioned and defensive and all-around miserable that he's being 'left behind' in this 'old world' without any fucking chevys in it. like he doesnt want a chevy but everyone else has massive hardons for chevys and all his male peers think thats the only way to attain true masculinity and it makes him sooooooo mad, and frankly, even though he's a misogynist freak, i get that. maybe i am just an american car hater, who knows.
anyway saionji's inclination to the princess role (it's a bit more of a bride role than a princess role, but these distinctions are muddy; i'd argue a princess is entirely passive, but a bride actively wills the outcome of a duel) is deeply sad to me because it's just like this guy has absolutely no idea what the hell he's supposed to do to have a place in this world, attain specialness, command respect and attention. like he was repeatedly mocked for and excluded from attempting masculinity and he certainly cant be a princess (wow isnt this an interesting idea i wonder if it relates to the transfem reading haha what) and he doesnt feel any inclination towards either gender presentation particularly. he likes woodcarving and cooking, is artistic and earnest and expressive, but he's also a devoted kendoka whose sense of masculinity is closely tied to that practice. his gender is, by ohtori's rules, desperately confused and inconclusive. thus he forms part of the trifecta that is himself, utena and nanami, or as i like to call them: transgender freaks and cowgirl. good lord have they slipped through the cracks of this evil bastard system and attempted to fit all the same, understanding absolutely nothing about the impossible spaces they try to fill.
anyway whatevs. now im gonna talk about anthy and touga because my blog is the anthytouga show in my mind despite rarely talking about them and mainly just reblogging deranged art (affectionate) of them. anthy and touga are bonkers to me because they ARE the norm, but also no they arent. and that's the whole thing. like they embody the ideal so perfectly (prince and princess respectively), but anthy's also a witch, and the rose bride, and touga isn't really a prince. theyre unable to join as a prince and princess should, unable to be virtuous and perfect due to their knowledge and awareness. like, theyre both aware of the artifice of their existences and performances, but neither of them can really artiulate that awareness because doing so would jepoardise the positions theyre currently in. for touga, that's a very valuable one that has him close to 'escaping' (read: getting the key to the birdcage and holding it over everyone else's heads). for anthy, it's also valuable but not for herself, not really. it's valuable because it's a position from which she can help akio, and akio needs her, and she is indebted to akio and obliged to sacrifice herself eternally for him. etc etc etc. god i hate this man. you get what im saying with this. it’s about the precarious position that you are placed in as a victim, the power dynamics of it all. you have the knowledge that could crack the world’s shell easily, but you have been caught in such a way that you believe sharing it would kill you (again). it wouldn’t be worth anything. all it does is highlight how disgusting and awful you really are, and you can’t let anyone know that (the objective truth) because then they will stop loving the idealised you you’ve been performing and see the real you (evil and monstrous). ohhhhh what’s that Judith herman quote about being filled with black slime that pours out of your mouth when you open it. anthytouga hours (i am inconsolable rn)
sorry about this rant! i simply have too much to say about this goddamn show and merely wish to discourage people from 'girl prince' and 'boy princess'-ing characters into boxes. you know, utena's whole girl prince thing is actively critiqued by the show because there's nothing revolutionary about assimilation. every character in this show's cast is androgynous and it's up to us to determine what we think those unique expressions of androgyny mean. there are certainly girl prince-isms and boy princess-isms to characters, some more so than others, but you know. the ambiguity and freedom of the transsexual or whatever
#note that i wrote most of this when you first sent this ask anon#aka 98% of it is 3am incoherencies#thank you for enabling them tho!!!!! appreciate you#anon#answered#rgu
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I want you to know I loved your latest fic!!! Their dynamic and the way you write them is so much fun! Max is such a brat when he called GP daddy 😵💫, or sucking him off in the elevator 🧎♂️🧎♂️🧎♂️?! I also feel like you also nailed the fucking age gap between the two, like GP you want a drink 🥃? Also very inspired choice to gender bend Wheatley, her silver bob can wreck my shit <3! But I think my favorite is when GP notices the respect in Max’s eye, because ain’t that what the dynamic is all about? Anyways very fun!!!
hehehhehehe thank you!!! It was definitely intended to be fun and dynamic like heist movies are so I hope that came across the written medium
so the only ocean's movie ive seen is ocean's 8 the mother convention so when I was writing the jonathan wheatley scenes i was this NEEDS to be a woman. an all male heist crew? sounds weird and fake and wrong. never seen it happen. 👎
it was also fun writing a older female character without once referencing beauty or lack thereof, or turning her motherly etc...
brat tamer GP who is also divorced and going thru a midlife crisis of an unfulfilling job. this was also a really fun max to write with hyper competence + being a total menace... which mirrors their irl dynamic
I hope you stay tuned for more!
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All I ever hear when talking with the girls (am I 100% girl? No, and that might be why I feel the disconnect here) is the following
- he’s so tall and big and muscular and deep voiced and UHHHH I WANT HIM TO RAIL MEEEEE
And I’m just like “good for you. Where’s my 5’5” 110 angel of a male, whom I want to carry around princess style to our king sized bed” and they all just look at me like
😨
Like are yall not aware that not EVERYONE is like you??!!!
Like I have no problem with how other people experience sexual attraction, obviously I don’t. That would be hypocritical as hell because people tend to have a problem with how I experience it (note I live in the evangelical American south and the internet is the only place that gets me) but I wish (and I’m the 10000000th person to express this, which goes to show how behind we still are) that women/women-adjacent people were ALLOWED to be masculine and be attracted to femininity without being ostracized and made to feel embarrassed. Especially for lesbians, but also for people like me. I feel like people around here can actually conceptualize a sapphic relationship better than the type of relationship I seek (but they accept neither, unfortunately).
I fear what would happen if they learned I was bi 😩
I’m not emotionally attracted to women (it’s a sexual thing), so I’d end up with a man anyway, but the JUDGEMENT I would still receive from these prehistoric brained people is CRAZY. I feel especially for lesbians and gay people because I know it’s 1000000x harder on them, even if people can conceptualize them better, they hate them even more.
Like, I constantly receive the “well if you’re so attracted to “sissy-boys” why aren’t you just a lesbian?” Which is SO stupid because it implies two really fucking idiotic ideas
1. Sexuality is a choice (specifically, gay people choose to be gay)
2. Being attracted exclusively to femininity = (or at least should equal) being attracted exclusively to women (and the inverse, which is often used to invalidate masc attracted lesbians as jaded straight women or something stupid like that)
WHEN WILL THESE PEOPLE GRASP NUANCE AND VARIANCE IN SEX/GENDER EXPRESSION AND EXPERIENCE.
I know a lot of it is the Bible and Christian culture (which is barely even in the Bible at all), but they break the rules and conventions of it EVERYDAY and find a way to justify it. Yet they can never justify people like me who aren’t harming ANYBODY
Which is proof it’s not 100% about religion, even if they’re consciously convinced it is. It’s about prejudice and ignorance.
what I’ll never understand is the motivation a lot of these people give me for being so obsessed with gender essentialism and policing others “the death of masculinity and femininity in men and women respectively will lead to the downfall of society”
LIKE BROTHER SOURCE PLEASE?!! WHATS YOUR SOURCE HELP
And for the love of God, don’t say the Bible. I’m a Christian myself, actually. But I am fully aware that the Bible was never supposed to be a source for ANYTHING. It’s simply a collection of relevant  documents to the history of our faith. That’s it.
GIVE ME A SCIENTIFIC STUDY AND MAYBE I’LL TAKE YOU A LITTLE MORE SERIOUSLY FOR ONCE (but that will never happen, so by default I will never take these people seriously. Also because if gender variance were an issue, God wouldn’t have made me (and millions of others) the way I am. There are actual problems in this world to worry about, so stop trying to convince me that by “acting like a man” and preferring men who “act like women” I’m contributing to the destruction of society. To be honest, I hope I’m contributing to the downfall of society, because this one stinks). Instead, target the rapists, the murderers, the pedos, the human traffickers, the child exploiters, the money hoarding ultra-rich, the fascists, the racists, the sexists, the homophobes, the supremacists, the nazis, the liars, the cheaters, and the media that promotes them. But most of these people are too far gone to see what’s wrong with the above. So I’m ranting about it all here in this echo chamber. I have no choice.
#rant#tw vent#vent#vent post#queer#gay#lesbian#sapphic#bisexual#bisexual butch#butch#gynesexual#bible belt#evangelicals#ex fundamentalist#ex fundie#fundamentalism#religious trauma#church hurt#gender nonconforming#nonconformity
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