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#anyway. been a while since i've taken the time to “finish” up a piece (and well. have the time to draw at all) so i'm glad i could do this!

kyohaku-kannen · 6 months

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˗ˏˋ 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐓 𝐉𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑 'ˎ˗

(insert pic)

𝐑𝐀𝐈𝐍 𝐅𝐄𝐋𝐋 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 the sky harshly along with the quick strikes of lightning. The weather was bad as it was only a matter of time before the heavy winds knocked over a tree or two. The harsh rain that came down pattered against the glass window that you boredly looked out of.

"Why should I be surprised.." You muttered, lowering your head to rest against your folded arms. You sat at a desk placed near a window with a bed on the other side of the window, and a dresser right under it. You currently wore simple pajamas and slippers. Papers were scattered across the desk below you, with a laptop resting on the desk not too far from you.

"They wouldn't care...they never have.." You sighed letting your eyes fall close. The rain providing great ambience, with the sound of thunder here and there.

"Wha-" Sitting up abruptly, you nearly fell from your chair as the room briefly shook. The loudest thunder strike you'd heard all night, rang out along with a quick flash of light near the window. Once the shaking calmed and the rain outside grew heavier, you stood from your chair. Rushing out of the room, you made your way through the house. Rushing down the hall and to the kitchen, you rushed over to the sliding glass doors that led to the backyard.

Your eyes widened having seen the grass burned to black, with a figure lying in the spot that lightning struck. From the marks on the ground, you could see that the lightning just barely missed the tree that covered the majority of the backyard. Shaking your head, you rushed outside the house without care, to get to the limp figure on the ground. Falling to your knees, you turned the limp figure on the ground.

'What...'

The person that lied limp and unconscious on the ground was someone very familiar to you. They weren't even human, they were some sort of anthropomorphic monkey. They had black fur that covered their body with tan fur that seemed to have covered their face, hands and ears. A nasty scar covered their right eye cutting through their eye brow. One thing that happened to have caught your eyes, was the fact that they had six vibrant colored ears. Their clothes were obviously torn from the crash they took. They wore a yellow and black tunic that had gold cuffs and collar, although it was torn now. They also wore a brown and gold skirt that was tied with a red ribbon along with maroon pants and black boots.

"Macaque...?" You muttered, knowing exactly who the anthropomorphic monkey was. Of course you knew who they were..

"How the hell am I getting him inside...." You huffed, before shivering from the cold wind blowing against her soaked body. Letting out a small sigh, you grabbed one of their arms and tried to lift them up to the best of your ability. You were a bit surprised at the fact that they weren't too heavy. Throwing one of their arms over your shoulder, you glanced over to the opened sliding doors.

"I can't believe that 𝙩𝙝𝙚 Macaque, is in my fucking house!" You rambled, pacing around your bedroom. You had long since dragged the other into the house and lied the other on your bed. Of course the landing didn't do the other any good and the simian had some fairly bad wounds. Although you had already taken care of that problem.

"What do I do if he wakes up and chooses violence!?" Stopping in the middle of the room, you threw your arms up. What were you to do with both a fictional and functioning god doing in your living room. Or well a used to be god, he was more of a demon.

"Okay.. I just need to calm down.." You sighed, glancing over to the very unconscious Macaque.. you stared for a moment before frowning. Your luck was just as shitty as it's always been. But perhaps the other could be good company, while you were left home alone.

(Anyway yeah this is a little piece of the first chapter I had written for the Court Jester. Kinda forgot about this story for a bit, so I'm going to go over the chapter, then finish it. I've already kinda gone through this little bit I had written.)

#lego macaque #lego monkie kid #lmk #macaque x reader #lmk six eared macaque #six eared macaque #six eared macaque x reader #lmk macaque #x reader #lmk macaque x reader #yandere macaque x reader #yandere #yandere x reader #yandere macaque

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callme-whatyoulike · 9 months

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All I Need to Hear

this picture isn't entirely relevant to the story. but it's how i imagined him looking in this one. also, here's some songs that i imagine would be playing during this. one of my favorite "genres" of music is slow love songs to dance in the kitchen to. all i need to hear is one of those songs. it should be played at a wedding. anyway. just a little fluff piece. i like it very much. enjoy ♡♡

"I'm home!"

I look at the clock. 9:37. Another late evening at the studio. I'd grown used to this, of course, but late evenings weren't particularly enjoyable when I felt like utter crap. I woke up this morning with a headache and a sore throat, but the symptoms have since escalated. It's taken everything I've had not to just go to bed. But we're busy tomorrow, and things need done around the house.

It would have all just been a bit easier with Matty here. But I didn't tell him that. He would have come straight home, and even though he tells me that I'm never a bother, I didn't want to inconvenience him.

But he's here now. I'm just starting the dishes as I hear him walk through the door. He finds his way to the kitchen, setting his things onto the counter.

"I'm so sorry, darling," he says, pressing a quick kiss onto the top of my head. "I didn't expect to stay that long."

"S'alright," I reply.

"Will you ever forgive me?"

"I'll consider it." He smirks at me.

"Need help?" he asks, glancing at the soapy water and unclean pots and plates.

"No, that's okay. You go shower, I'll get these finished in no time."

"You sure?"

"Positive."

He hesitates. Kisses me on the temple. Heads to the bathroom. It's just dishes. I can rest afterward. Although there are boxes to unpack in the office, still. I should get that done at some point. Perhaps that's where all of our spoons have gone.

As I ponder the whereabouts of our silverware, hum along to whatever songs are shuffling on my playlist, and scrub pans that have sat on the counter since yesterday's lunch, Matty quickly showers, dresses, and makes his way back to the kitchen, just as I'm draining the sink.

"Do you know where that gray shirt went?" he asks me, peeking into the entryway to see if there might be unopened boxes hiding away there.

"That's rather vague, dear." I do, somehow, know which one he's talking about, though. "But no, I've not seen it."

"Damn. Probably in whatever box the spoons are in." I hum in agreement. I turn and finally get a good look at him for the first time since this morning. He's dressed into his pajamas, his hair is a damp mess. No shirt, as our previous conversation just revealed. He looks tired.

I must look just as exhausted because his expression changes. It softens a bit once I finally look up at him. We don't have to tell each other it was a long day. We just know.

A good song is playing. Slow. One of our favorites. Good for dancing in a kitchen.

He opens his arms, and I fall right into them, wrapping mine around him. We sway ever so slightly, resting our heads on the other's shoulder. I have to stand on my toes a bit to do that. Matty very quietly hums to the song. And we stay like this for a while, even as the next song begins to play.

I answered the question that I knew Matty would eventually ask me: why didn't you tell me you were having a bad day?

"I didn't want to inconvenience you."

"Have you forgotten everything we've discussed?" he laughs.

"I know," I sigh. "But you were working. I know you would drop everything to be here if I said anything."

"Is that such a bad thing?"

I giggle. "Yes, Matthew. As much as we would both love it, we can't put everything else on hold just because we want to stay in bed together all day."

"Oh, I don't know." He kisses my cheek quickly, sways a little harder. "I don't think anyone would mind." He pulls his head back, looking down at me now. His lips crinkle into a smile. "I mean, look at you. I'm sure they'd understand."

"I look like hell, Matty." And I do. I haven't done anything with my hair since I showered this morning. My face is entirely makeup free. I've got sweatpants, a sports bra, and my favorite oversized cardigan and socks on. I'm not exactly a sight for sore eyes.

"You do not." Another kiss, this time on the forehead. "Never, darling."

"You have to say that."

"Maybe. But that doesn't make it any less true."

I roll my eyes at him and resort to resting my head against his chest now. Another song is playing now. Something about fooling around and falling in love. Seems fitting.

"I know I say it a lot," Matty starts, "but you can tell me about your bad days, okay?" His hand runs up and down my back. "I want you to bother me. I want to make room for you in my day, in my life, yeah?" He holds me a bit tighter. "Please, just bother me."

I nod. "Okay." I mean it. At least right now.

"D'you want to go to bed?"

"There's still boxes to unpack in the office."

"It can wait."

"Then absolutely."

"Good. Me, too."

#the 1975 #matty healy #matty healy fic #the 1975 fic #the 1975 fanfic #matty healy fanfic #call me writing

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fairydares · 8 months

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Reminiscing on the Hard Road (A Gruvia Fic)

Rating: M

Summary: While on his way to a mission, Gray reflects on the hardships, tears, battles, and triumphs which led to him and Juvia finding their happiness together. (Or: the story of how they finally, officially got together told through memories).

AO3 Link ; FFNet Link

Words: ~8,000

Warnings: Please read with caution as this contains adult themes & situations (though nothing explicit). Also swearing and allusions to mental illness, dissociation and depression symptoms especially. Man this feels like the end of a drug commercial. Enjoy!

AN: I realized how long it'd been since I updated Chasing Tails and was feeling really bad about it. I'm so sorry, guys! I've just been really busy! I don't have time to get Chapter 5 up tonight, but I do have the time to share this Gruvia piece I wrote a while ago as a karmic sort of apology.

With that in mind, this is a bit of a rough, long one-shot. It comes from a chapter in a larger, mostly Nalu-focused fic which I may or may not ever actually finish writing. Sooo it's not even really a one-shot so much as it's, like, a segment of a chapter from one. I also barely had time to clean it up ever so slightly.

However, I thought Gruvia fans would appreciate anyway. Maybe one day, I'll write the whole thing because I honestly think it could be a story, or maybe a series of drabbles? This is all you kids get for now, though, lol. no fucks given (just kidding this will keep me up nights.)

o(O)o

Ignoring Natsu's whining about still being motion sick from beside him, Gray buried his hands in his pockets and let his eyes engage in their favorite past-time: roaming the curves of the blue-haired woman walking in front of him.

Him and Juvia had officially been together for over half a year, but his eyes still snagged on the same places they always had. The sway of her blue hair, now long enough to partly obscure the pinch of her waist and flare of her hips with each swish. The pretty, cute flush that lived on her cheeks as she listened attentively to Erza, who was chattering about a famous desert shop in the area. The way shadow and light shifted over the curve of her rear. And—forever his most favorite—the exposed skin of her legs. Long, toned, moon white...and fucking perfect.

Gray felt his cheeks heat, but couldn't find it in himself to drag his eyes away. The solidness and length of their relationship did absolutely nothing to diminish the novelty of her beauty, like he might once have feared it would. Instead, it hypnotized him more surely than ever. Noticing all the men drooling over her figure as they walked past, Gray was aware of the sting of possessiveness and annoyance which rose in his chest, but was also easily able to ignore it.

He was as comfortable as any guy with a stunning girlfriend could be in his own jealousy, these days. More shockingly, so was Juvia, a fact that was plain from the way she shot only perfunctory glares at the women eyeing him and whispering to each other as they passed.

As he stared at her back, his lips quirked ever so slightly. It had taken time, tears, and work—more work than he could ever have anticipated—to get to this point in their relationship. But work had never been more worth it.

His mind wandered to reminiscence. To where it had all started, when they had started, after the 100-Year Quest had ended and he'd finally—with Lucy, Levy, and Erza's help—managed to ask Juvia to be his girlfriend.

"Not just 'yours'," Levy had insisted, explaining that phrasing would confuse her. "Your girlfriend."

He'd actually fought them on it. Not really because he had a problem with commitment anymore (okay, it was a little embarrassing, but not too much) but because the words "girlfriend" and "boyfriend" felt ridiculous, considering everything they'd been through. How deeply he cared about her. For crying out loud, they'd tried to kill themselves for each other. He'd kill for her, die for her, and—most importantly—he would live for her. Beyond making his ears feel like they were going to melt off, the word "girlfriend" felt trite.

But when Lucy and Levy demanded to know if that meant he was going to propose, he'd balked. Actually, having the m-word shoved right up against his nose kind of made his soul flee his body. As ready as he was for a romantic relationship, he wanted to go through the actual experience of having one. Like, with all the steps involved. In order. He was at the point in his life that he wanted it more than anything.

More importantly, he wanted to give Juvia that experience. He was determined to do right by her.

With the girls' reality check, and the point they'd made that ambiguity might make Juvia jump to the wrong conclusion or even hurt her, they'd convinced him. He'd been committed to making his long-awaited confession as special for Juvia as possible, complete with saying any embarrassing words she wanted to hear.

Gray still hadn't felt worthy of the love she gave him. He still struggled to believe he was a man who could protect her. But after everything he'd been through during the 100-Year-Quest, seeing how much she'd missed him the whole time, and his talk with Juvina-sama, he'd understood it was completely unfair to ask Juvia to wait for him to decide he was worthy enough to love her openly. He also wasn't above admitting that Juvina-sama's suggestion that she wouldn't wait forever had disquieted some irrational part of him enough to make him antsy, impatient to make absolutely sure they were exclusive.

He'd been completely flustered throughout his confession, but known it had gone as right as it could. Lucy, Levy, and Erza—who thought they'd been slick, hiding in a nearby bush to watch him confess—had agreed. (Lucy had annoyed him to no end by teasing him over how "adorable" he'd been.)

And yet...Juvia's response hadn't been quite what Gray hoped. Lucy hadn't noticed it, but he had. He didn't know exactly when it had happened, but at some point, he'd learned to read the Water Mage like an open book. For how sincere a person she was—a trait he was all too familiar with—Juvia could also be surprising, even mysterious. As transient as water, with hidden depths you'd never know a thing about unless you were willing to dive beneath the surface.

When Gray confessed, he'd braced himself for joyous screaming. He'd planned to freeze a literal flood of tears before it could wash them both away. He'd been prepared to get a concussion from how hard she'd glomp him in the street. But while she had said yes, demurely accepted the roses, and hugged him plenty tight...her response had been subdued. In hindsight, he could see the pattern her reaction fit: the way her gaze had dropped to the street despite her happy flush, the hesitant, nervous gleam in her eyes, the limited verbal response.

The only times she'd ever acted that way had been when he actually reciprocated some of her affection. When he'd promised to give her a straight answer, after he defeated END. When he'd given her a one-armed hug and said he was glad her "body" was safe, after he'd saved her from that wood bastard.

Something had been wrong. But when the girls who'd spied on him only gushed afterwards, not seeming to have noticed anything off, he'd shrugged off his concerns, assuming it was his own lack of romantic literacy. He'd been nervous, but also really excited to learn.

But as their relationship officially began...it quickly became obvious that there was a problem, and that a one-sided approach to fixing it just wasn't going to cut it.

Juvia had always been prone to mood swings severe enough to make Gray's head spin, but as soon as they started dating, her mood seemed to sink. He'd try to ask her about it only for her to put on an obviously fake, cheery front and insist she was fine.

At first, he was sure it must be his fault. He'd had no idea what he was doing wrong. At that point, the guilt he felt for not taking Juvia's feelings seriously for so long, for abandoning her in Amefurashi Village, and for nearly letting her die in an attempt to save him had been taking a serious toll on him. The guilt had sometimes left him ragged. Every time she seemed down, he beat himself up and tried to do better. Talking, dates, spending time together (even when it meant ditching missions he really wanted to go on with the team), accepting her gifts and acting happy about them (no matter how much they creeped him out).

But the more he'd tried to make up for everything, the worse it seemed to get. He watched her frustration rise as he tried to be more openly affectionate, her denials that she was frustrated getting louder. More and more, she gave, but when he gave back, she'd look ready to explode or burst into tears.

What had made everything come to a head was the sex. A surprise in itself. For all the ways their relationship had suffered, sex had never been one of them. It'd started back in the cabin they shared in Amefurashi Village. From the first night they'd moved in together, Juvia had not-so-surprisingly tried to edge her way into Gray's bed constantly. She'd use excuses of cold weather, make puppy eyes, and sew nauseatingly pink coupley bed sheets to try to lure him (when, he still had no idea).

Meanwhile, he struggled more and more to pretend he didn't find (most of) her antics adorable. Not to mention incredibly tempting. Things escalated to where he'd feel his excitement rising towards the end of their daily training sessions, to the point his body became conditioned to react when he saw the damn sun set.

He also felt increasing dread at the notion of having to turn Juvia down—and for having to sneak out in the middle of every night to "take care" of the problem she always left him with (cold showers didn't exactly work for an Ice Wizard).

Finally, one night, she'd pouted and whined that she was sore from training and begged for a massage. Gray didn't know if it was the fact she was asking him for something instead of offering; the unbelievably cute, sparkly-eyed, hopeful glances she kept sneaking at him; or the fact he could tell she actually was sore from the way her face would pinch as she attempted to stretch provocatively in front of him, but his resolve had shattered.

Before he could think and without a word, he'd lifted his covers and held her gaze, not bothering to hide the dark promise in his eyes.

Her reaction had been priceless. He'd never forget it.

His acceptance seemed to knock the breath straight out of her. Her eyes had gone round as saucers, staring into his eyes like she couldn't believe what she was seeing. Her cheeks had darkened. She'd stood stunned for so long that he'd started to get nervous, wondering if she'd only been being playful all this time, not really meaning to come on to him or maybe not expecting him to ever accept. But just as he'd been trying to field the disappointment sinking his heart and trying to think of how to promise he wouldn't do anything she didn't want, she'd hesitantly approached the bed, trembling.

After giving her the massage she'd asked for, he'd rewarded her bravery three times over.

After that, for the very first time, the dynamic of their relationship shifted in one, important way—the one which would force him to finally confront his own heart:

In terms of their physical relationship, he became the more dominant one. In this one aspect of their shared life, he chased. Gray flustered Juvia. He hadn't been able to get enough. What had once been a relentless, one-sided pursuit (one where she had, admittedly, been gaining on him without his notice) became a dance which had addicted him before he knew it.

The notion of reciprocating her feelings had once had him running for the hills. So it had been a huge shock to learn just how much he liked it.

She was so obviously happy and disbelieving that first time he slipped her clothes off in the moonlit dark, cursing over her beauty. Utterly awestruck when he'd seen to her pleasure (twice, he still liked to remember proudly) before even considering his own. Sex was the first time he heard her speak in the first-person, the first time she said his name without adding "-sama" (since that battle in the rain, anyway.)

It was when he lost himself in her soft skin, her passion, and her pleasure that some part of him was able to accept the truth she'd had the grace to surrender to from the very beginning.

The shift in their sex life was also when he'd started to twig something wasn't right between them. After Alvarez was when he'd started it back up. His plan had been to wait until he was able to reciprocate her feelings verbally, like he'd promised, but almost losing her had broken him in a way some part of him would never truly recover from. Between that and his final, full acceptance of his own feelings, there'd been no restraining himself. He'd come onto her with all the subtlety of a freight train the second they were alone.

Even then, something hadn't been quite right. She hadn't been herself, quiet enough that—even as...compromised as his critical thinking skills had been, at the time, and even in his heightened emotional state—he'd noticed. He'd pulled back and asked if she was okay, but when her response had simply been to drag him back in for a kiss that made his knees weak, he'd taken it as a yes and matched her passion enthusiastically.

She kept staying quiet in bed. It bothered the hell out of him, and he badgered her about it more than once, but would ultimately let it go when she insisted she was fine. In his defense, there had been a lot of reasons she could've become subdued. They had just fought a war. They were all exhausted from fixing the town and working to build peace in Fiore.

But after the 100-Year Quest and after his confession, she got even weirder. He noticed it all the time, in every aspect of their relationship, but it was especially noticeable in bed, when they were so close to each other, both completely vulnerable.

When they'd cohabitated, he'd almost always been the one to start something. He'd enjoyed that. He'd even (hell, especially) enjoyed the way she'd flirt, pretend to be oblivious to his advances, pout and blush and make him impress her, coax him to the brink of losing his mind before finally caving to both of their desires. Those times where he went from prey to predator had balanced their entire relationship, satisfying both of them.

Gray wasn't some slimeball who needed sex, but he did need some balance in their dynamic. The private, physical side of their relationship was just where it'd happened to play out. It could've played out anywhere in their relationship, if they were off sex for a while for whatever reason.

But as soon as they became official, it became clear she'd fight tooth and nail to make sure that never happened.

She came onto him. Every. Single. Time. He'd been a little surprised, but happy enough. At first. But as he pushed her to talk to him harder and she denied louder, he'd started to guess that something was genuinely, really wrong.

She didn't speak in the first-person when they were intimate, any more. She didn't drop the "-sama." Even worse, he started to suspect she was seducing him even when she wasn't really in the mood. Almost like she felt like she had to.

It had been one such time when he finally flipped his shit. Even now, walking behind her and appreciating her curves, the memory made his mood falter a little.

He regretted how he'd handled things. It shamed him to remember how he'd all but shoved her off him and refused to do anything else with her until she was ready to tell him whatever the hell was going on inside that crazy, watery head of hers. It was an ultimatum. A cruelly-put one, at that. He hadn't realized just how hurt and angry he was until the words flew out of his mouth.

Juvia had opened up, alright.

In fact, she'd exploded.

They'd screamed at each other, horrible things Gray could hardly stand to repeat even in his own head. She'd demanded that he quit wasting both their time and leave her again, like they both knew he would. He'd asked how stupid she could be to think he'd do that, when he was obviously dedicated enough to put up with her psycho stalker gifts. She'd retorted that her "psycho stalker gifts" didn't seem to have any affect on his libido. He'd yelled that she was the one jumping his bones, ever since he'd asked her out. She'd said that was because she actually cared about his happiness, implying that was something he'd never understand.

She'd ended the black, ugly fight with four hoarse words that ripped his heart out of his chest: "This is over, Gray-sama!"

His apartment door had slammed behind her.

He'd been too shocked and devastated to do anything but watch her go, not even managing to stagger to the door and chase after her until she was long-gone. Black curse power had swirled across his skin as he pelted to the guild, growling in frustration when he didn't find her there. Then he'd run all the way to the female dorms at Fairy Hills only to be deterred by Erza, who met him at the gate. She hadn't known anything about his and Juvia's fight, but she'd been drawn by his yelling.

His older sister figure had knocked him out "for his own good."

The next afternoon, Gray had woken up in his own bed. Not bothering to see if he was dressed (it would turn out he wasn't) he'd booked straight to the guild only to be devastated by the news that Juvia had taken a long-term S-class quest just that morning, news which was delivered by a sympathetic Mira.

Sure that it was over, that he'd ruined everything, he'd drunk himself sick—then kept drinking, swinging fists at anyone and everyone who tried to console him until, finally, in the wee hours of the next morning, Gajeel managed to knock him out of it.

The hostility, Gray had expected. Gajeel was Juvia's best friend; of course he was angry to learn that Gray had done something to upset her so much, she'd left for a Quest that could take months or even years to finish without so much as a word to Gajeel or any of their other comrades.

What did surprise Gray was the understanding Gajeel eventually showed.

Gray got his ass knocked flat by the Iron Dragon Slayer. From his back on the ground, he started to spit out what happened. With each word, the larger man had visibly calmed. After enough had come out, he'd awkwardly helped Gray to his feet (his own, gruff brand of apology.) He'd helped Gray sober up, then he'd given him a pep talk.

He'd refused to explain his own guesses as to what was going on with Juvia, insisting "who knows what goes on in that water witch's head." But he'd also insisted that whatever was going on, it for damn sure wasn't what Gray thought, which was that he'd hurt her too badly for her to love him anymore.

"She's obsessed with you," the man had said, scowling in disgust. "She's always been obsessed with you. She's way too stubborn to let it go that easy. It's annoying."

By six AM, Gajeel Redfox—of all people—had talked Gray into chasing after the love of his life. He'd even used his Iron Magic to create a lockpick which got them into the archive room, where they'd found Mira's records...and Juvia's location.

He'd barely had the time to register the irony of her quest's location before he was gone, shooting Gajeel a gruff "thanks" over his shoulder and running home to pack.

It'd been raining when he finally walked into Amefurashi Village.

He hadn't consciously known where to start looking when he arrived, but his feet—following some combination of muscle memory and the fate he'd fought for so long—had carried him to the place where the word "home" had changed for him: the cabin he and Juvia had shared. Where they'd grown together. Taken care of each other.

Where he'd left her. Hurt her. Even if most of the reason to do so was because he wanted to protect her, he couldn't stop hating himself for that.

She was standing outside the place, drenched and shivering, when he got there. As if sensing his arrival as surely as he'd known where to find her, Juvia had turned to look at Gray with eyes that were glassy above flushed cheeks. She'd wavered on her feet.

As soon as she'd whispered his name, she'd toppled. Gray's bag had landed in a puddle with a splashy thunk. He'd lunged to catch her like his life depended on it.

Shouting her name had earned him no response, but pressing the back of his hand to her forehead had been enough to convince him that she had a seriously high fever.

Strangely, as worried as he'd been about her, he hadn't even thought to bring her back to Wendy or seek a nearer healer. In hindsight, he was sure that deep down, he'd realized it would do no good; she wasn't physically ill, but heartsick, just as he was. He'd felt lower than the mud gathering around his boots.

He'd been surprised to discover that he had to break into their old home, and rapidly deduced that Juvia hadn't been staying at their old cabin even though she'd been standing outside of it, both from that fact and the fact that none of her stuff was there.

As soon as he lay her in the bed which had once been his before becoming theirs, she'd begun shivering. For the first time in his life, Gray cursed that he was an Ice Wizard instead of a Fire Wizard.

He'd run outside, grabbed his bag, then come back in—only to curse again when he unclasped the bag only to discover that all its contents were soaked. Thinking quickly, he'd stripped his wet clothes, then hers. He'd climbed into bed with her.

"'M sorry, Gray-sama..." she'd slurred her sleep. "Juvia's so sorry...Juvia had to...I just had to..."

He'd shushed her, rubbing her arms to try to warm her up. "It's okay, Juvia. I know, my love. It's okay..."

He'd kept holding her and whispering soft comfort to her until she'd finally stopped shivering, at which point his frantic worry had abated enough that he could fully admit to himself how good it felt to have her in his arms, her skin against his. How warm she was. How perfectly she fit against him. How much he missed her. She was right there, as close as another person could ever be to him. Yet with how things had been between them lately and how lost she was to fever, he'd never felt further away.

Apparently, he'd fallen asleep at some point, because when he awoke, it was to the rising sun blazing at him from the center of the cabin window. Ignoring his body's reaction to waking up in the arms of the very naked, beautiful woman he happened to be in love with, Gray had instantly dropped his hand to Juvia's forehead, sighing in relief when it became clear her fever had reduced. She wasn't better, but she was getting there.

Quickly figuring out what needed done, he'd dropped a tender kiss to her warm forehead, murmuring a threat against her sweaty hairline: "You'd better not even think of running away again, crazy woman. We are going to talk when I get back."

Gray had dressed, glanced back, and left. He'd met up with he client—a rich and unfortunately good-looking asshole about Gray's age who was way too disappointed Juvia, herself, wasn't the one who'd shown up. Through gritted teeth, Gray informed the bastard it would be a couple days before he and his partner (he was sure to emphasize those words several times) would be able to begin investigating the dark guild threatening the area, as she'd fallen ill.

It annoyed him to no end that the creep seemed genuinely concerned about this, trying to insert himself, demand to see her, and attempting to coax Gray into revealing her location (Gray couldn't help the pleasure and hope which rose in his chest, when he learned she hadn't told this guy wherever it was she was staying; obviously, she'd had no interest in sharing that information.)

The client had thrown a rich boy tantrum when Gray refused to tell him anything, but ultimately let him go when Gray promised Juvia would be there in a couple days (not bothering to mention that he would absolutely be there, too.)

He'd gone to pick up medicine and food. He'd grabbed all the ingredients he could remember for something hearty, mild, and delicious she used to make him when they lived together, a chicken stew that tasted like something he could remember from childhood. Those ingredients, medicine, ginger tea...anything he could think of that might help her feel better, he purchased, barely noting price.

Juvia had been waiting on the porch wrapped only in a blanket when he returned, flushed with both fever and anger.

They'd both been pissed at each other. While Gray locked horns with Juvia's amorous creep of a client, she had apparently been discovered by the landlord who owned their old cabin and only barely managed to talk him out of his anger, ultimately having to pay double their old monthly rent to keep him from calling the authorities—all while wrapped only in a blanket.

A brief yelling match had ensued. It ended when Juvia began coughing rather violently, Gray dropping his groceries in the mud to run to her. Even as she insisted she was fine, he'd ushered her into the cabin, forcing her to sit before he went back out to grab the food he'd bought.

Her face had gone funny when he began grouchily unloading chicken, rice, broth, veggies, and herbs. When he (somewhat defensively) asked what the hell she was staring at, she'd haltingly asked if he'd bought all of that for her. Exasperated, he'd told her of course he had, she'd had him worried sick.

The groceries had been abandoned when she burst into tears.

It had taken several minutes of heart-wrenching sobs on Juvia's part and coaxing on Gray's for the conversation to actually begin.

During their ugly fight in his apartment, she'd exploded.

Here, in the lonely home they'd once shared, she imploded.

While the groceries thawed and dripped on the kitchen counter, Juvia sobbed the whole, messy, painful truth into his chest. She told him everything. She told him how, deep down, she'd always known she wasn't worthy of having her love reciprocated by him. It had been true from the moment they'd met, when she'd been part of Phantom Lord, but remained true no matter how long she'd been at Fairy Tail. That was how she'd put it: "I always knew I wasn't worthy of Gray-sama's love." Not only because of her past, but because of how annoying she was. How gloomy. How creepy and obnoxious.

Gray hadn't even had time to express his horror at the fact she thought those things before she'd been plowing on, her tears only getting thicker and her words only making his heart sink lower.

She said knowing she didn't deserve his love had turned to knowing she didn't deserve to love him at all, when she'd killed Keyes to free Gray's father from his undead life. But even though "Gray-sama had been wonderful enough to forgive Juvia," she'd continued to hate herself, deep down.

She told him that sharing a life in the cabin they were currently in had, for her, been the sweetest kind of torture. That she'd never been so happy—and never felt more undeserving. For the first time, she told him that she'd only had one lover before Gray, some piece of shit named "Bora" who'd never cared about her or her pleasure. Gray had been nothing like him, attentive, caring, and as invested in her pleasure as he was in his own. At first, feeling so cared for had been as overwhelming as it was amazing, but by the time Gray started to pull away from her for his mission, the overwhelmed feelings had slowly begun to fade, letting her forget everything but the happiness she felt with him.

Juvia told him that the day he abandoned her to infiltrate Avatar, everything which she'd started to believe could feel right began to feel wrong, and everything which had felt wrong began to feel right. She'd never felt she deserved to be loved by Gray the way she loved him. Being left by him had, in a horrible way, made her feel like the world was how it was supposed to be.

But it had also ripped her apart.

It had destroyed any confidence she'd begun to gain in herself.

She told him that she resented being abandoned. Resented not being told about his mission to infiltrate a Dark Guild, not just because of their relationship, but because she had once been in a Dark Guild, and could potentially have helped his and Erza's Mission. She'd not only felt betrayed on a personal level, but disrespected as a Mage with no small amount of skill and experience.

It was a side to the issue which he had, shameflly, never considered.

He was mortified when she'd finally let herself chastise him for this—especially when he'd tried to defend himself by bringing up details of his mission only to be instantly struck down and ripped apart by someone who was, in fact, very obviously more knowledgeable about the inner workings of Dark Guilds than either he or Erza ever had been. Hell, Juvia could probably have run the mission almost as well as Jellal had.

For the first time, he saw just how beneficial it would have been to have her on board, despite Erza urging him not to get her involved. He should've gone against her orders, asked forgiveness instead of permission. Over the course of that one conversation, it was clear that having her on board would have shortened the length of their mission by probably several months.

But worse than the benefits they'd missed out on, in infiltrating Avatar, worse than the fact that she resented him, was her admission that she hated herself for that resentment.

She'd apologized. So many times. Too many times to count. Each apology was another crack in Gray's heart. He'd tried to ask her to stop, but they'd just kept slipping out anyway. It was like she couldn't help it.

She'd told him that over time, as she got to know the other women in Fairy Tail—Lucy, Cana, and Levy—she'd realized just how unworthy she was of the care Gray held for even just his friends. She just hadn't been forced to confront her own lacking sense of self-worth...until he openly reciprocated her feelings.

She said that the second he confessed, part of her felt wrong. Like she'd donned someone else's skin—someone who was worth being loved by Gray. Her guilt, her knowledge that she wasn't worthy of him, her bitterness, her self-hatred...all of it had come rushing to the surface.

She told him that, as unworthy as she'd felt, she'd been too selfish to reject him. Too angry at the thought of him being with someone else. Her own selfishness made her feel even worse than before. She'd been determined to be worthy of him, and so she had sought to pay every ounce of love he gave her three times over. At least.

It hadn't made her feel any better. No matter how hard she tried to be sure to pay him back, every time Gray took her on a date or made love to her, it made her skin crawl, because she didn't deserve it. She didn't deserve his love, his affection, or even his attention. He deserved better, and she was nowhere close to deserving him. She never would be.

If there had been even one last, single sliver of a doubt as to how he felt about this woman, it died then and there. Nothing—not his own guilt, being screamed at, or being broken up with—nothing could hurt worse than being made aware of what a hard time she was having. Learning just how badly she'd been dissociating during all their most precious moments. How much pain she was in. How little she thought of herself. How deep her scars ran.

He'd have given anything to take her pain away. He'd have given anything to change it. Right then, he couldn't think of a single thing he wouldn't have done to make her see herself as he saw her: the energetic, caring, fierce Mage he'd come to know. The woman who always eclipsed everything else for just a second, the first time he saw her every day.

He'd wanted to tell her all that, and more. He wanted to apologize. He'd wanted to tell her how badly he missed her after he'd left her here, that this place had been home for him, too. He'd wanted to tell her how much she meant to him, that no day without her smile even felt real, but his voice had been stuck behind a lump of misery and all he'd been able to do, for a very long time, was lay in their bed and hold her while she cried the rest of it out. He wasn't too ashamed to admit he lost a couple tears in her hair, too.

Over the twilight of time it had taken for her sobs to turn hoarse, then to whimpers, then sniffles, guilt, emotional exhaustion, an anguish washed over Gray in their turn.

Until finally, he hardened all of those feelings into resolve.

"I'm really thankful that you're here. For always being beside me..."

Those were the words Gray had said to her before Alvarez, and he'd meant them. For years, Juvia had done nothing but be there for him. Even when he didn't want her there, she stayed right next to him, quietly piecing together his heart and his trust. It killed him that the woman who'd confronted him with her love, made him face down his own weakness, always thought of him, and helped him so much more than he could ever truly thank her for had been hiding so much of her own pain. He wished she would have told him any of this all the times he'd pushed and asked.

But he couldn't blame her for that. Maybe she hadn't opened up to him before then, but her mentions of her days in Phantom and of that shithead ex of hers had driven home, with stark clarity, a realization he wished he'd made a lot sooner: Juvia didn't know how to open up like Gray had tried to demand, because she hadn't grown up somewhere like Fairy Tail.

Unlike Gray and Natsu and the others, she hadn't been taught to bare her pain, hadn't always known there would be someone to listen to her, cry with her, be on her side. While Gray had been fought, teased, and accepted for exactly who he was (more often his whole self than not) Juvia had been abandoned by every single person in her life except Gajeel and those who'd wanted to use her for their own ends. Gray abandoning her had only confirmed what she'd been taught was inevitable.

But the Ice Mage wouldn't linger on that. He wouldn't give any more time to despair.

It was his turn now, he realized. His turn to stay beside her even when it was hard, and do the work. Now, he just had to figure out how. But while he'd been trying to do that, had been gathering his words, Juvia had recovered enough to speak once more.

She'd apologized again. She'd told him that she knew this was too much, that all of this was too much...that she was too much. For the times they'd shared, she thanked him quietly, eyes bright with yet more tears and refusing to meet his as she continued that she'd had to let Gray go because she wanted him to be happy, and she'd finally, finally realized she could never do that for him, not really. Then she'd tried to push him away, and as Gray had tightened his grip, he'd realized he didn't need to figure out what to do, what to say, or how to love her.

She'd been showing him all along.

After a deep breath, the words had come low, and easier than he'd thought. He told her she was right, all of this was a lot...but also that he was so, so happy she'd finally told him what was really going on. He'd been as gentle as possible when he told her he could see how difficult and scary it had been for her to open up about all this and that he was proud of how brave she'd been for doing so, but she'd started crying again anyway, so he'd had to carry on with a shakier, hoarser voice.

He'd apologized. For everything. For not taking her feelings seriously for so long, for not seeing her when she needed to be seen, for leaving her behind and hurting her so badly she'd gotten sick. He hadn't been dismissing her abilities as a Mage so much as he'd been trying to protect her, but that was no excuse. "High-handed and cruel" was a generous way to describe his behavior, and he finally saw that. He'd told her that if he could take it back, he would. But he couldn't. He could only promise to never, ever leave her like that again, and he was more than ready to make that promise. He had been for a long time, since well into the 1oo Years Quest. If she'd only give him another chance, he'd show her.

At this point, Juvia had obviously started to twig that this conversation wasn't going to go how she planned, with Gray accepting she was too burdensome and unworthy for him and leaving her alone like everyone else had left her, because she'd started kicking up a fuss, forcing him to hold her there again.

"Let Juvia go, Gray-sama!" she'd demanded shakily, sounding like she was barely clinging to her determination. But Gray had refused. He refused to let her go like this, not until she'd heard him out.

As brief as the ensuing argument had been, it was also one of the most frustrating conversations Gray had ever taken part in (and he'd fought Natsu on basically every cock-and-bull-ass plan he'd ever come up with.)

He'd tried desperately to insist that while Juvia could be creepy and he did find rain somewhat gloomy, she was not worthless or annoying or obnoxious. He'd tried to tell her that she did make him happy. He'd tried to tell her how he felt about her.

Juvia had not responded well.

A wall had slammed up in her eyes, the same blank one he'd met on that fateful, rainy day so long ago. As she'd kept denying, and he'd kept pushing, their voices had gotten louder. Eventually, Gray had realized it was raining outside the window next to their bed again, and that was the one thing that had forced him to take a step back from his own frustration. Lucky, because if he hadn't, he might have flown off the handle and ruined everything all over again.

Looking down at her, he'd forced himself to cool off and realized he was being unfair; he was asking her to take an entire journey in one leap, to unlearn a lifetime's-worth of lessons about her own worthlessness over the course of a single conversation. No one could do that. It was an unreasonable thing to ask.

And so, when he'd finally gathered his wits and perspective enough, he'd said, "You don't have to agree with me. You don't have to agree with my feelings for you. But you have to believe that they're real...and you have to at least consider my side."

Juvia's eyes had gone wide. As they regained their sparkle, he'd refused to break eye contact. Slowly, the rain had stopped, leaving them in the silent hut.

After what felt like years, she'd shakily whispered, "O-okay."

And Gray had known that they were finally, finally getting somewhere.

Quietly and slowly, with their hands intertwined between their chests and their foreheads pressed together, they'd pieced together a fragile plan. They would stay together and be as they had been, but from now on, they were both going to make a concerted effort to be honest and rebuild trust. Gray started by admitting that missing out on Quests with his team had really started to bum him out, and while this seemed to sadden Juvia at first, she admitted after some thought that in being with Gray, she hadn't been nurturing her own friendships with her friends like Gajeel and Meredy. Lucy had also asked for help training her in Water Magic, and Juvia had declined so far even though she was interested in having someone to teach.

Gray had encouraged all of this...and he'd encouraged her to visit Porlyusica, too, when they got home. The old lady was hardly a Mental Healer, but she'd hopefully be able to help them find someone who was, someone objective and removed from the situation who Juvia could talk to openly. One thing which had sunk in fully for Gray over the course of Juvia's heartrending speech was that it was going to take a lot of time, work, and love to get Juvia to a better place. There was no way the two of them could do it alone.

They'd talked and planned until their voices were hoarse...and then they'd not talked for even longer. Juvia once again dropped the "-sama." She let him come to her. She didn't just surrender herself to him the way she had when they had each other before in their cabin, she'd given him even more—in his arms, she'd bared a small and precious part of herself Gray had never even realized she hid from him.

Over the course of the month they spent in that cabin, he'd cherished everything she gave him more than most men could've in twice the amount of time. How they'd managed to deal with that Dark Guild months and months ahead of schedule, he would never understand, because his head had never been less in the game. Neither of them had been able keep their hands off each other for more than an hour when they were alone together.

Neither had been particularly disappointed when that crotchety old landlord refused to give them back any part of their months' rent. Instead, they'd stayed till June was up breaking the place in thoroughly.

"It's payback for him being a jackass to you!" Gray had once playfully defended against her neck, pinning her against the kitchen counter and grinning as she gigglingly scolded him.

He only prayed no one ever took a UV Lacrima to the inside of that place. They'd go blind. He'd taken her on the couch, over it, against the walls, on the counters and tables, and in more positions than he'd previously known existed in that bed. When they returned home, a bunch of people had pointed out that they both looked like they'd lost weight. Gray didn't doubt it, after all the—

"...seriously, none of you know what it's like, every time we travel...OI, STRIPPER, YOU MAYBE WANNA QUIT EYE-FUCKING YOUR GIRLFRIEND WHEN WE'RE IN PUBLIC, YOU GODDAMN PERVERT?!"

The absolute last voice Gray wanted to hear when he was thinking about such great, intimate things yanked him out of his reflections in the most unpleasant of ways. An expression crossed between a scowl and a grimace consumed his features.

"Gray-sama!?" Juvia spluttered, craning her neck to peer at them over her shoulder with wide eyes. She looked half-scolding, half...affected as her cheeks went rose red.

Gray felt his own face grow hot as he turned to glare furiously at the pink-haired, disgusted-and-disgusting-looking bane of his existence.

"Would you keep your voice down, Dragon Boy?! I was not 'eye-fucking' Juvia!" His cheeks burned hotter as an elderly woman passing by shot him a deeply disapproving look.

"The hell you weren't!" Natsu snapped, drawing even more attention. "I could see all your gross, perverted thoughts right there in those droopy eyes of yours!"

"ARGH! So what?!" Gray just wanted this fight to be over, and figured that sort of admitting to what he'd been doing was the quickest way to make that happen. "Can't a guy even look at his girlfriend without pink-haired, flame-brained losers getting involved?!"

"THE HELL YOU JUST CALL ME?!"

"OH, SO YOU'RE DEAF AS WELL AS BRAINLESS, NOW?!"

"THAT'S IT, I'VE HAD IT! YOU'RE DEAD, YOU ICY BAS—"

"That's enough."

Uncharacteristically subdued and uninvolved though Erza's command was, it was enough to have both Natsu and Gray cringing and sweating in fear almost instantly.

"A-aye!" they squeaked, then sighed in relief as she shot them one last glare and clanked away.

"Ah, it always goes this way." Happy folded his little blue sausage arms over his chest and tsked. "If only Gray had kept his perverted eyes on himself, we wouldn't even be talking about this."

"And just how the heck is one supposed to 'keep their eyes on themselves', huh?" Gray growled up at the floating Exceed.

"By not being you, apparently!" he cackled back, Natsu soon joining him in his obnoxious guffawing.

"Why, you—! Get back here, you little shit!" Gray made a random grab at the little creep only to curse as he missed his tail by about a centimeter.

Meanwhile, Juvia clasped her still-red cheeks with her hands and donned an all-too-familiar, starry-eyed expression. "Juvia does not mind at all if Gray-sama...covets Juvia in public! How Juvia adores Gray-sama's passion!"

Gray flinched as if he'd been whipped in the back. In a second flat, he was blushing again. "O-oi, Juvia—!" he started, scrambling to find a way to get her to calm down before she came onto him in public.

(Again.)

"However," she continued before he figured out how to distract her, turning to look at him with a mischievous twinkle in her eye. "If Gray-sama is going to covet Juvia on a public street, Juvia thinks he should at least wear clothes."

"Wha—?! CRAP!" Gray shouted as soon as he realized he'd stripped down to his boxers. "When did that happen!?"

Juvia wrinkled her nose cutely and giggled while he scrambled for his clothes. When he was finally yanking his jacket on, he shot her a playful glare only for his lips to quirk when she winked and sauntered after Erza.

That little...she'll get it later, he thought with a huff before shoving his hands in his pockets and strolling after her. He was well aware that he was full-on grinning, now, and didn't care in the slightest.

Little interactions like that...those were the fruits of all the hard work they—especially Juvia—had done when they got back from that S-Class mission. Gray had been prepared for it to be grueling and difficult, to fight. "Relationships take work" was a piece of advice he'd heard plenty, since he started asking for advice about how to love Juvia.

But what he'd never expected to find was that, while it was hard sometimes, it was work he was all too willing and capable of doing, because it was for her. For them. And what no one had told him was that, while loving someone meant their pain became yours, it also meant that their triumphs became yours, too.

Some days had been worse than others. Even though she'd been talking to a friend of Porlyusica's and made an impressive effort to spend more times with her friends, there were moments where Gray had felt like Juvia was back at square one. But he'd been there beside her, encouraging her every step of the way while she healed, learned that he wouldn't leave her again, learned that she was worth all of it. And slowly but surely, she'd healed.

That was what no one had told him: that every time she huffed at him to do his own laundry, teased him, sassed him into taking her on a real date, and even turned him down for sex, that he would feel such a huge rush of pride and triumph.

It was true that the road had been hard, but Gray had walked it with Juvia, and that had made every step worth it.

o(O)o

AN: Ah, sorry I don't have the time to edit this now and make it more cohesive! Also that I can't publish my next chapter of Chasing Tails just yet! I definitely, definitely will come back to edit this piece one day and make it better after I've done that. In the meantime, Happy Belated Gruvia Day!

P.S.: Fun Fact! I named this partly after one of my all-time favorite fics from a completely different fandom. The Hard Road by wthtonibelle, a Kacchako fic (from the My Hero Academia fandom) which is written in a similar way and has similar themes, only it's longer and better lol. check it out if you're so inclined!

#fairy tail #gruvia #gruvia fan fiction #gruvia fanfiction #fairy tail fanfiction #fairy tail fan fiction #gray fullbuster #juvia lockser

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onewomancitadel · 3 months

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A smattering of general updates:

I played Tears of the Kingdom. I didn't really enjoy it. I understand why it was popular though; I'm just not the demographic for these types of video games anymore. I didn't find it creatively rewarding and after a time I sat there thinking 'I would rather be writing right now', and since then I have learnt that writing is made easier by doing things which are not writing, because it makes me miss it. My dad also doesn't really like it but for some reason has played hundreds of hours in it. I don't know either - I think he will take anything called Zelda at this point.

I spectated the Doctor Who David Tennant Special and watched some clips of the new season. I'm not a fan of RTD, and not a DW fan anymore (not for a long time), but it was an interesting study in how studios try to attract old and new fans.

I read a lot of books, and that lie people tell you about all books being good for you is a lie, because a cyberpunk anthology of short stories made me so angry I got heartburn. I think people who say that are saying so because they wish that they could read a lot, in which case I say, yes I think reading is a gift and we should engage with it, however, sometimes I get so physically angry from something stupid/bad I've read because bad writers exist that it gives me actual pain. I am reading Howl's Moving Castle right now and it's very joyful; I am very surprised by the liberties the animated film took! However so far I do think both experiences are worthwhile, and if you enjoyed the Ghibli film, I very much recommend checking out the original book if you want to revisit that world again. The prose is straightforward but a little whimsical, and Howl is very, very funny. I have laughed aloud a few times.

Well, you know I rewatched Dark, and it's funny that during my exile I said 'this is like if RWBY got the ending it deserves' and then, er, I found out it's not renewed yet, and that's still up in the air, which for the entirety of RWBY I have only had one true moment of doubt of such a thing, and that was a while ago.

On that topic, yes, I still ship Jaune/Cinder, believe Cinder's redemption is likely, etc., although there are some more external concerns I would wager now than before. Before I thought it very possible to do without any commercial influence, and it depends what compromises they do or don't end up making or having already made. My analysis of Jaune's arc in V9 may not hold water as much (e.g. if you lean towards the view there were rewrites to cater to growing the audience, or perhaps it's two ideas married? I'm not sure) so I'm going to think about it more, and there always has been a tension in RWBY between what is being expected/baited and what is foreshadowed/said/actually happens.

I figured out how to write again and what was blocking me, so there's that. To talk about it a bit more, since my break I have worked every single day on writing. My key takeaways are that you need a delicate balance of delusion and self-doubt to get anything done - you don't know you can do something until you actually do it - and every excuse I invented for not writing was not the reason I was not writing. I can write with a migraine beginning to set in on an uncomfortable desk where I can't even rest my elbows properly on the end of a bed with no back support without aircon in the middle of summer before I've even taken my hair out from bedtime plaits in my pyjamas. I didn't even expect to get my fic done right before midnight, actually I was like 'well lol that's not going to happen, I'll write anyway though, fuck New Year's' because I wasn't doing anything, and then I finished and looked at the time and was like ooooh. I actually completed my goal! So I'm very proud of that. Anyway writing is breathing, to me, I go crazy if I don't do it, no matter what it is, and every single piece of nonsense advice of productivity was not helpful, ever, but I did figure it out. Also admittedly I got a fire burning under me again because I found out I was actually right about Raven, in which case I took that as a sign from heaven I was on the right track. One should hope.

I am excited about Dune Part Two, yes, although I am trying to avoid Villeneuve talking about the film because I know all the marketing is basically directed at people who aren't Dune fans, and I have to see it for myself to see what it's worth. I enjoyed the first film, and Villeneuve seems excited to direct Dune Messiah, in which case I am willing to do whatever possible to make that happen. Because that's about as complete a story you're going to get in a major motion picture adaptation and it would be So Fucking Good.

#seraphina party hour

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apirateslifeforbudgie · 12 days

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Wandering Star Snippet

Currently working on something! (Hint hint: log collection cover with a certain captain...) But today I was thinking about this scene I've had written for a while now! Keep in mind it's not polished or finalized 100% yet, but I think it's funny and have been wanting to share it for quite some time. And since Carmen's powers have been revealed as of last episode, I just decided to go for it today. It is a tiny bit spoiler-y, as it is from a way later episode.

Read below the cut!

Breakfast sizzled and popped in the skillet, and Killer removed it from the stove top to add it to a clean plate on the beaten island countertop behind him. Most of the spread had been picked clean by the crew - minus the captain - who sat and ate at the two tables just on the other side of the counter. The sound of forks scraping plates or cups being put back on the table replaced the usual morning chatter, and upon tiring of the silence, Heat gave a sigh.

“Alright…I’ll be the one to say it: Something happened.”

Most of the crew exchanged glances.

“Yeah?” seated directly across Heat, Haikei raised an eyebrow. “You were at the bar the other night– you saw what went down.”

“No, I mean after that. On the bow. Even after the bar, she still chose our ship. We’re all ordered off deck, and then she doesn’t show for two days?” He glanced over his shoulder to the kitchen. “Boss say anything about it to you, Killer?”

“Not a word,” Dishes clanged out as Killer placed them in the sink, and he grabbed a damp rag to wipe his hands. “You know he isn’t much of a talker.”

“Best stay out of the boss’ business,” Oscar interjected from the other table, warning his fellow crewmates. “This seems personal.”

Wire added, “And as much as I hate to say it…May as well get used to not having her around, anyway. We don’t have much longer before we reach the last island…” as he spoke, Carmen could be seen carefully peering into every angle of the room through the porthole window in the background, though she went unnoticed as Wire finished his thought. “Unless…Think maybe the boss will ask her to join the crew?”

Before any response could be given, the door opened and shut behind Carmen as she strolled in like she was already a part of the crew. Though they were taken off guard by her sudden appearance, they were just as delighted to see her again.

“Budgie!!” Noe happily threw his arms up in a greeting, and she hugged his neck from behind and sweetly spoke.

“Morning, boys,” she let her fingers gently brush against Heat’s smokey locks as she walked past and made her way into the kitchen to see the first mate. “Didn’t make my honey toast?”

“Didn’t expect you to join us – I’m a little surprised to see you this morning.”

Haikei called out to her as he took a bite. “Yeah, what’s the deal? Boss ban you from the ship again or something?”

“Because that worked so well the first time,” she teased with a smirk and Killer slapped her hand when she reached for a piece of toast on the counter. “I just figured you guys were getting sick of me and decided I should show the other crews some love. So! Now that you’ve had a little break, I came over to invite you fellas out tonight. Wanna come? We can have a bit extra fun since it got ruined last time.”

“You know you can count us in, Budgie,” Heat told her, but Wire chimed in with the concern.

“Doing okay? We haven’t really seen you since the other night.”

She crossed her arms and leaned her hip against the counter, not thrilled that the topic came up. “I’ve certainly been in worse situations.”

“That bastard….” Bubblegum gripped his fork just thinking about it. “Boss shoulda killed him.”

The Massacre Soldier spoke up. “Who’s to say he didn’t? At the very least, that guy won’t be walking that hit off for quite some time. So good news there. And speaking of the captain…” he turned his attention to Carmen. “Why do I get the sense you’re avoiding Kid?”

With a successfully stolen piece of toast in hand, Carmen could only offer a poorly-done change in subject. “Where’s your ‘Don’t Touch Anything’ apron? I like when you wear it.”

As she awaited his answer and went to bite into a corner of the toast, the door opened, causing her eyes to go wide and her body to drop on all-fours. The crew sounded out with casual greetings that were a mix of “Morning, Captain” and “Morning, Boss”, though she only heard him grunt in response and his approaching footsteps as she crawled around the far end of the counter, hair dragging the floor and toast hanging from her mouth.

“Morning, Kid,” Killer told his captain, who now stood where Carmen had just been as he handed the redhead the freshest plate.

“Go ahead and start morning routine without me, men,” Kid’s delayed reply was an order, and Carmen pressed her back into the end of the island as she intently listened, especially for footsteps. But for now, it seemed she was safe with more orders. “I got some work I wanna get done. Last I checked, we’re still on course to dock this afternoon. I want one of you to take an inventory check – see if anything needs restocked.”

“How about fruit?” Wire suggested. “Budgie may be willing to make us some more jam.”

From her hiding place, Carmen gave a thumbs-up to Haikei who confirmed for the crew. “Yeah, good idea. I get the feeling she’d be happy to.”

“Not much use for jam if there’s nothing to spread it on,” the redhead was aggravated as he observed the plate with a single piece of toast and mere crumbs. “Which one of you took an extra piece?”

Carmen’s face was flooded with dread as she heard Killer began his answer. “Oh, that was my mistake, Kid. Almost forgot,” the Massacre Soldier’s hand reached and yanked the somehow unscathed toast from her mouth, and she listened with wide eyes as he explained. “It got dropped this morning. The floors are clean if you want it.”

She heard his typical grunt of a response, but then came the concerning part – approaching footsteps. In a panic, she was on all-fours again, scuttling her way around to the outside of the counter. Some of the crew members were amused while others exchanged nervous glances as they watched her attempt at stealth while the captain once again stood where she had just been.

With only one arm, he placed the plate on the counter and began pouring a glass from one of the available pitchers. But with his height and the worried grimace on Carmen’s face, it was clear there was a real possibility of her being caught – any movement from her would be sure to catch his attention.

“Um…” Wire nervously spoke up. “Were there any more orders, boss?”

Carmen listened carefully with bated breath. From where she was pressed up against the island, she could just get a glimpse of those ridiculous lizard-print pants and that maroon feathered captain’s coat.

“Morning routine. Inventory,” he spoke after some thought, and stuffed his mouth with two pieces of bacon from the plate. “Prepare to dock in a few hours.”

“We’re on it, Kid,” Carmen heard Killer say, and the captain must’ve looked to his first mate because Bubblegum frantically gestured for her to move with his eyes. Quickly and quietly, she used her powers to levitate just above the ground and move towards the other end of the island, her calves down glowing blue and the usual trail of sparkles lighting up behind her.

“If one of you handle inventory, I’ll take over your part of morning routine,” Reck offered to anyone. “It’s been slow around here lately; I wouldn’t mind some extra work.”

Just as he finished his sentence, Carmen safely pressed her back to the end of the counter, though the sanctuary would be short-lived.

“Whatever, just get it done,” Kid placed his cup on the plate where bacon had been and carried the dish in his single had. “I’ll be in my quarters.”

Carmen had heard the footsteps immediately after the words, and before she knew it, she caught a glimpse of him walking by out of the peripheral of her wide eyes. An instant reaction, she was on all-fours for a final time, scurrying back around the counter, past Killer in the kitchen, and all the way back around to the far end where she stayed until she heard the captain kick the door close behind him.

“Whew!” she exclaimed when she bounced up, and the first mate already had his eyes on her through the mask.

“You owe me.”

“Of course, Kill,” Carmen took one of his hands and looked up to him with the utmost gratitude. “Buy you a drink tonight?” She offered as she span around him back into the kitchen where she was delighted to see that last piece of toast still on the plate. “Ooh~” As quickly as she saw it, she swiped it and was already hurrying to the exit. “Actually, I owe all of you for that. First round on me tonight! See you boys later!”

And just like that, she gone – door closed behind her and all – rushed out to avoid any and all questions.

“Alright…” the Massacre Solider spoke up to his crew, but those blue eyes behind that mask were fixed on the door. “Something happened.”

#one piece #one piece fanfiction #wandering star #carmen amsel #kid pirates #eustass kid #massacre soldier killer #op heat #op wire #one piece origial character #one oiece oc #my writing #snippet

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thegoldenshi-shi · 9 months

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Oh my..I didn’t even realize it has been a month since I have spoken! I did not think it had been that long, maybe 15 days or so, but not a month! I apologize so much, I had thought it had been much shorter of a time and I had planned to speak in maybe a week from then, but life got in the way.

But anyways, I have just been mingling around, relaxing or working. I will reveal that I am not an adult yet, but work still takes up a lot of my time. Along with trying, for my first time, AU August Writing Challenge so that’s taken up my time as well. I hope you don’t mind.

At the moment I just finished work and are going to see my auntie at a camping site. I will admit that I am very eh about that as I have just finished work and want to relax and sleep, but my mom had convinced me haha. I don’t think going to a camping site will be good as I am in shorts (short shorts to be exact) and this time of year there is a lot of miskitos out so I am sure I am going to get bit, unfortunately.

Other than that, my summer has been pretty relaxed and quiet, not really doing anything but having no motivation to get up and move. These days I mostly read, write, listen to music and work. I am also going on a vacation tomorrow, so that is exciting!

The Zine that you and I are in has been going good as well, my art piece is finished but I’m deciding not to hand it in until later incase I want to change something or want to touch up on it a bit. I noticed you handed yours in though, and I love it a lot! The butterfly glowing on Optimus’s finger is such a nice touch, and the colours!! The colours are so well picked out and go well together, and I love the shading, and the background as well, it’s really unique! ^^

Other than me, I love your recent art pieces! The Lambo-verse art was funny, I giggled when I saw it. Sunstreaker looks very confused while Sideswipe looks intrigued! Of course, I love your little persona (?) wearing a detective hat haha! It was a nice touch. As well as the show down art! Oh my did I love reading that, Sunstreaker, against Mirage? That’ll be fun to read/watch about. I love your Mirage design as well, I don’t think I’ve said that. I love his looks and how elegant he looks in your style, especially when he looks at Sunstreaker and says ‘and notoriously cocky.’ It just makes my heart jump because as much as I love Sunstreaker, your Mirage has a special place in there as well.

The rest of your art I unfortunately don’t know much about in terms of their fandoms and all that, but I really love the Multiverse Vistas content piece! The gold with darker colours just makes it..pop out more and become the centre of the piece while not being overwhelming, and the glowing of the eyes drags you to them as if in a trance, even if they are not real. You make them seem so real it’s unbelievable! Actually, as it’s you, it is believable, all your art pieces are wonderful and seem real in their own little ways.

The Sunstreaker with the gum was also a great piece that I enjoyed. Sunstreaker really is a beauty and beautiful, even when he is grumpy haha, I still love him a lot.

I would say more but it is currently 2:44AM and I’m going on a vacation tomorrow! I won’t have much data unfortunately, but I am only gone for a week so that is fine. Sorry for not messaging for a bit, I did not intend for it to take that long and I hope my next message will be in a shorter time, but we shall see. It was great messaging you, Shi-Shi, I can’t wait to speak to you again. Have a great day/night!

Hello there Meister~ (I'm reasonably certain it's you anyway) It has been a while hasn't it? No worries on the time though, real life is a thing, so I'm happy to hear from you whenever you have the time.

Minus your work, it sounds like you're having a fun, relaxing summer~ I've never heard of Au August, but the concept would be a fun challenge to work on. I'm pretty sure that this is too late, but I advise going with fresh basil to a campsite. Rubbing fresh basil on your skin is a natural and nice-smelling way to keep mosquitos off you. I have baby skin that panics at anything I try to put on it, so I like using the basil leaves instead of a chemical repellant. Downside is you'll smell faintly of Italian food.

So far as the Zine goes, I won't lie I kind of wanted to keep mine back too for the same reasons. BUT. I was afraid I'd forget to post it since life has been kind of demanding and tiring. It shames me to admit I was late on another zine's final submission.

I'm very happy to hear that you liked my Optimus though, I really hope that Mr. Cullen likes it too when he gets the zine....

Mirage vs Sunny makes me so excited! I had the idea randomly one day and went !gasp! How had I not thought of it before?

I designed Mirage to be "old/moonlight glamour" vs Sunstreaker's "new/sunshine glamour" so I'm happy that that came across to you. Mirage is a special bean to me as well. I enjoy Sunstreaker, but I think it's good to take him down a notch or two once in a while and Mirage is perfect for that job. (It's alright though, I make sure he gets pictures like the bubblegum one to keep him satisfied)

I had a lot of fun working on the Multiverse Vistas piece. It took longer than usual to do, with all the layers I used on the character, but it was an interesting challenge. I didn't win anything for it (unless I placed in the popularity category which is doubtful at this point) but I'm flattered that you found Nanook to be compelling.

I always look forward to asks from my lovely anons, but take your time and don't worry about me. Like I've said before, I'll be here when you have time/want to talk. I hope you have a good vacation and a good day/night.

#meister anon #transformers #macadam #sunstreaker #mirage #macaddam #it's always a pleasure #thank you for your kind words #i always appreciate them #nanook #hsr nanook #tf mirage #tf sunstreaker #anon ask

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rhube · 9 months

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Been reflecting a lot lately on how when I'm really forced to my limits the need to do something large and creative and satisfying overwhelms me. Completely.

It comes out in the fanfic (started writing the week Trump got elected and haven't come up for air since). But also in more obviously unhinged things.

Some if you know that the first leave of absence I took from my PhD I built a loom and started weaving a rug.

A part of me was aware that what I was doing was ridiculous, but I did it anyway.

The rug was for the stone cold floor in the Worst Flat.

It was that cold that I wanted a Rug for the Kitchen. In the winter I slept with two duvets, a blanket, a giant fleecy nightgown, and two hot water bottles and it was Still Too Cold - both because I couldn't afford to heat the place and because the heating didn't work properly.

I could have bought a rug for cheaper than the Rug eventually cost me in wool, but it felt good to buy four pieces of wood and a bunch of nails, build my own square loom and teach myself to weave.

I had been doing just the PhD, in terrible conditions, for too long.

So I took three months off, built a loom, wove a rug, and wrote my essays on Stephen King's The Dark Tower and the Midernists. And I felt better. A bit. I would still be in the Worst Flat for a while yet, and it was going to get worse.

This year I've been sick as a dog, hanging on to my job by a thread and stretching the willingness of my employer to continue to employ me. I'm sick, sick, sick and my anxiety is overpowering and I'm making a nearly-life-sized sculpture of a butt.

This has taking dozens of hours of work - probably more than 100 by now. We use the phrase 'labour of love' but that's so fucking sanitised. Doing something like this, or building a loom, or writing 800,000+ words of fiction you can't sell is something more than love. It's *driven*.

People talk about creativity as an added extra. Something writers and artists and actors 'get' to do (because we know we all want to do it - we know it's valuable) but it's not really a choice.

If you force me to not be creative for long enough it bursts out at the seems. I do something that is absolutely not worth it in terms of the effort and finished result.

The rug is *terrible*.

The fanfic is good, but how many novels could I have completed of original fiction had I devoted myself in the same way?

The Butt Sculpture is pretty good, but there's enough wrong with it that you can tell it's my first attempt at doing something like that. And I'm going to have to hide it from some of my guests. It's huge and fragile and it's taken months and what was I thinking?

I wasn't thinking. I had to do it. Had I the money and time to work free of pressure I might have produced many more far more sensible pieces of art.

Creative people can't put the creativity *down* and when we try, or we are forced to by circumstance, it comes for us.

Or it does for me, anyway.

Because when I can't do it it's fucking *damaging*.

And imperfect though it is, when I look at Butt Sculpture and how GOOD it is, for a first attempt, I feel grief for all the art I could have produced in a kinder world that enabled me to live in a creative way, day-to-day.

I'm a pretty good writer. I'm a pretty good amateur artist. (I am a pretty terrible weaver.) I could have been so much more. And it hurts, the space that's left by all the undone works.

#art #creativity #writing #sculpture #me

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eddsworld-enchanted-era · 1 year

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~In the theorist's room~

(i've used three bases here. one for edd, one for tom, and one for the background. they're by the awesome basemaker EddsWorld-Base and can be found here, here, and here.)

(really getting the plot going with this one, they do be discussing red leader doe. bit long so under the cut again,)

It's around 19:45, a few minutes after Tom was set to meet with Edd in his room, just as planned.

Edd picks up a piece of paper from his desk.

"And this is the article I printed off about the Red Army's war with Denmark, the first they'd taken as a proper country, just after Norway."

"That was months ago."

"Yeah, that's the problem." Edd begins, "It was months ago. Shortly after the incident."

"And not only that - they're theorised to be using some never-before-seen technology in their weapons. Technology I remember seeing sketches for when we were teenagers - you remember how I wasn't the only one of us to be glued to his notebooks in highschool, right?"

"Honestly, I just thought your brother was a bit of a loser nerd."

"You're a dick, anyways, combining this, some documents, some more recent articles, and now that broadcast..." Edd's sentence trails off as he begins to think again.

"...You've, uh, certainly put some thought into this, huh?" Tom asks nervously, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Of course I fucking have, Thomas, we might find him with all this knowledge!"

"Somewhere in Denmark is the first proper 'branch' of this army. Do you know what that means?"

"That you're looking into this too hard?"

"No."

"That you're making connections that aren't there?"

"Wrong again."

"Then... what?"

"It means that if we find some way to get there, we can get closer. We can solve this, I know we can." Edd explains as though this was meant to be obvious.

"But what do we do if it is him?"

"We take him down."

"Seriously? I-I mean, not that I'd argue with that, it's just... surprising, coming from you, is all."

"Seriously. He's taking this all too far. Don't you want to stop him too?"

"Honestly, I just wanna finish what I started." Tom admits, adding "but how are we going to even get to the base?"

"Well, the coordinates to the location are somewhere around..." Edd rattles off some numbers, the lat and long, then continues with "so if we start heading east in about a week, we can maybe make it there in a couple months on-"

A cellphone rings, interrupting Edd's planning.

He answers, pulling it up to his head, and is surprised to hear a familiar voice come through the line.

"Ded? What's got you calling? We haven't spoken in, like, a year! How are your geckos?"

"That's great to hear."

"Missing? No, I was just... busy with some stuff." Edd hesitates, biting his lip. He didn't want the caller on the other side to know what he was actually doing.

Tom listens idly to the conversation, only able to make out Edd's side.

"Yeah, I think I can come over to y'all's place. I've been meaning to take a vacation anyhow - how's next week work for y'all?"

"Fantastic, you notify the others."

"Yeah, love ya too, see ya, buddy."

Edd hangs up, and turns to the side.

"Tom?"

"Yeah?"

"I think we got our ticket, they're out towards the east side of the UK, which gets us at least a little closer. Go tell Matt we'll be visiting our brothers for a while. Don't tell him, or them, why we're actually there."

Tom swallows - were they really going? That soon?

"Alright." he nods, "But promise me this."

"Anything, Tom."

"You're not going to get yourself killed while we're out there."

"Tom, we've been through zombies, we've gone to hell, we've dealt with a ghost, for fuck's sake you're the crazy bastard with the harpoons! We've done a lot and come out the other side alive - I'm going to be fine, as are you." Edd grins, finally feeling reinvigorated. There's a certain tone to the sentence, one that Tom hasn't heard since before the incident, and certainly not since Edd's been holing up in his room for weeks at a time obsessing over things.

Tom smirks, for the first time in a long while, he felt as if things were going to be okay.

But more than anything?

He felt ready for their next Eddventure.

#mod robohoe #eddsworld fan era #base edit #eddsworld #eddsworld au #eddsworld base #eddsworld enchanted era #eddsworld edd #eddsworld tom #eddsworld ded #eddsworld typo au #(he's mentioned)#ewra #eddsworld red army #eddsworld red leader #EddsWorld-Base #(this might lead into a fan-eddisode!!! i'll call it “Snow Turning Back Now”... maybe swap the pun to “No Turning back sNow”?)#(if not it'll probably be a comic or something but i'm hopeful!)#(but yeah edd and tom head out east towards denmark and meet up with their brothers - shenanigans ensue.)

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beaubambabey · 8 months

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I just finished act 2 (spoilers below the cut)

But I had to play through the assault on Moonrise Towers twice because the first time my game crashed and I lost a save. I could've just done it from right before the Ketheric fight since there's an autosave but I didn't have Gale in my party the first time so I swapped him in this time. And it was very rewarding.

Story wise, the ideal party for the act 2 finale is definitely Shadowheart, Gale, and Wyll for all their persona story beats but balancing them all out with a College of Swords Bard like my Robbie might not have been the best thing for me. Especially since I've barely used Wyll thus far and haven't played around with changing his class/stats at all yet.

Also I thought there might be something special if you had Halsin in your party fighting Ketheric, like a "I put you in the ground a century ago and I'll do it again by my own hands" kind of thing. But there wasn't. Maybe there's one with Jaheira if you have a free spot for her? But that's for another playthrough.

Part of why I didn't bring Gale along the first time was due to him being out of spell slots by the time I got to Moonrise. I'd taken him along to find the Nightsong and well. I'd had to restart that fight a couple times already because of several different glitches. Didn't know that there was a restoration thing in the mind flayer nursery! Which is why I want ahead and swapped Lae'zel out for him.

Also, UMMMMM how is it that I, The Player, pieced together that Isobel is Ketheric's daughter from a few pieces of flavor text in the Thorm family mausoleum, but when I tried confronting her there's no way you can ask??? Not even like. See her dodging the question? And then if you rummage around in private quarters in Moonrise, you can find letters from her and her mother all addressed to Ketheric.

I just think that having a build up that feels rewarding or like the game acknowledges you for piecing it together. Also it's pretty damn obvious. How much of this was caused by dramatic irony? Even with the knowledge that Ketheric didn't fully approve of Isobel and Dame Aylin's relationship because he was very protective of his daughter there's still plenty of details we haven't learned about all this. Yet.

But man does it feel kind of awful having broken up with Shadowheart right before finding the Nightsong

I know it's because I wanted everyone carnally and these are the consequences of making Robbie flirt with Everyone In Camp while absolutely still putting Astarion as my number one romantic target but a whore can still have feelings!

Anyway, I typed most of this at 4 AM after my game crashed RIGHT AT WYRM'S CROSSING

With Baldur's Gate in sight

Right after I had a chat with Astarion about how he's gonna go about fucking up Cazador

God I love him sm

#bam! we're gaming #playing: bg3

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seeingteacupsindragons · 9 months

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Making a list of the things I've written since the beginning of 2016 to remind myself of stuff I've got done since my mental health collapsed and I had to rebuild it

New draft of Ambrose's book for an R&R (2016-2017, even though the original book was pre-2016)

About 60k words of a bloated, awful book that was abandoned and is unsalvageable, honestly

A monstrous 150k first draft, a second draft that cut it down to about 90k, poked at a third draft, before also abandoning it

About 55k of a NaNo project that was abandoned before actually being finished, because it sucked. But I did win NaNo that year

Two drafts of Tiadane's book (about 2/3 done of draft three)

About 25k words of Avel's book; on hold due to not having time to properly untangle the narrative while revisions are in-progress; not abandoned.

5 CHKDSK short stories, approximating like 23-24k? Each are between 3-5k

That short story I posted on Tumblr like a month ago (roughly 3k)

Various flash fic pieces and unfinished projects (no real clear number, just lots of noodling around with generally less than 2k each, if even that

Anyway, it feels like I haven't accomplished a lot in those last seven years because so many of the things I tried were just awful and needed to be abandoned before completion, which I hadn't done since early college, so it felt weird at the time.

But it's also kind of reassuring to see that I was trying so many different things. I never gave up looking, even when nothing was working out.

Anyway, burnout sucks, trying to write with deeply untreated mental illness is hard, and frankly, on top of being some of the most difficult writing years of my life, everything sucked.

I think I've come out of this period a better writer, but jeez, there's honestly some writing trauma I had to work through because of how badly it was going for a while there and how all my writing went completely to shit from a skill perspective.

And not even in a levelling up way. The books I wrote in 2015 are better than the ones I wrote in 2018, even though they're worse than the ones I write in 2023. They were just very bad.

Just looking at three solidly attempted novels that were given up is something kind of tragic and horrifying. Feels like something slaughtered that I had to struggle past after watching it die horribly.

Especially knowing how hard it was to even get anything written of those projects. I fought so hard for what feels like nothing.

Trauma.

I think thinking about it that way, and recognizing that I had to rebuild my entire writing process that I'd had for nearly two decades as it fell down around me, helps me think about why recovering has taken so long and been so tentative and slow.

#writing

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brightgnosis · 1 year

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Having a rough time of it this morning after not going to sleep until 11 pm last night because my stomach didn't like my Mother in Law's greasy Meatloaf for dinner (seriously have no idea how hers is always so soggy and greasy). My body just ... Did not want to wake up this morning at all. Trying to still get work done on Day 3 of the Witchy Challenge, though.

Today's is for a "Home Protection Ward". But honestly? I'll be damned if I'm going to do anything like that and put it on the internet; lesson #1, folks: Don't be stupid in general- but especially when it comes to revealing your current protections of all things. That's just asking for trouble from someone eventually; if you're going to reveal them and their methods? Always wait until you're finally done with them, they've been taken down, and you've already got something new (new form, new method, etc) up in their place.

Plus, I don't need to redo my protections or make a new one right now anyways when I just redid them at the New Year. So it's a moot assignment to begin with ... So instead I'm finally taking the opportunity to do a form of the Home Blessing piece I've had an idea for, for the last half year; not the same thing, but it's in a similar enough realm it works enough for the challenge today.

The original idea I had was based on a Mezuzah, and involved Psalms 128 and 129- but did so combining the Mormon Folk Imagery and Folk Meaning of Bees (specifically Bee Hives). Instead of going that route, however, I'm taking inspiration from the piece I did last year of Adam and Chava with the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, that now sits behind my Ancestor Candle on my bookshelf; the general idea is that it'll be a regular Folk Art piece of two bees and some flowers surrounding a Bee Hive ... But instead of the Hive, it'll actually be a modified and rewritten combination of the Psalms. The hive will then be a paper cutout that goes over it similarly to those little paper popups- effectively hiding the blessing and making it look like a complete piece.

So far this morning I've already written the blessing (the final version wound of including Psalms 128 and 129 as originally intended, as well as portions of Proverbs 21); found an extra frame of the right size that wasn't being used, repaired it (it had a cracked corner), and given it a good clean up; cut down the matte board, since it was originally a dual picture frame (and sliced my finger open with the Leatherman in the process trying to close it, because the damned thing's jammed); plus done some research to get some inspiration for the art style ... Now I'm just letting my hands rest, and then I'll do the first draft sketch of everything together.

It'll eventually be full color just like the piece of Adam and Chava. But it'll take me a while to complete it ... I think it took me like a whole month to finish Adam and Chava because of it. So my aim is at least to finish the first draft sketch today for the challenge; getting to the inking stage would be great, but I'm not going to push myself. If I don't get that far with my neuropathy, then I don't get that far.

#Personal #Religion & Magic #2023 #NonTrad Housewife #NonTrad Homemaker #NonTrad Homemaking

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morningsound15 · 11 months

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Hey just dropping in to say I'm rereading winged cupid painted again and it really means a lot to me. I'm also a writer so I know it always feels a lil weird to have people focusing on super old work (my ancient ass PJO and X-Men fics from high school 8+ years ago somehow still get more engagement than anything else lol) but I appreciate the care put in doing research about blindness, and the little things like frustration with people moving stuff around or being touched randomly. This is stuff people complain about all the time in blind circles I run in, like just yesterday on this discord server I'm in. The writing is gorgeous and I love the way you write the characters. I was never into the 100 really but am always starving for decently written disabled characters that don't fall into the magical/medical fix, "O Woe I A Blind Character Written By A Sighted Author Am Doomed To A Life Of Misery How Am I To Exist With This Cursed Affliction", or just generally painfully stereotypical with face touching and the like. As I said, never super into the 100 for its own right and consequently the characters have taken on a life of their own in my head, they feel like your characters, really. Anyway, I'm rambling but this story is very close to my heart and while I know it's likely a bit too old to be something that'll continue, I'd even love to commission something from you if that's ever feasible. Even if not, your work means a lot to me and I'm probably going to go and comment chapter by chapter as I reread.

thank you so much for this ask! I'm sorry I didn't see it when you first sent it, I've been on the app and you know how weird the app can be with notifications.

I really appreciate you sending this! That story is something that I wrote a really long time ago, it was one of the first long multi-chapter fics I ever attempted, and though I can't necessarily speak to how well it holds up as a piece of writing (my writing style has changed so much since I wrote it that reading it is like reading something by a different author), I am really so very glad people still find something meaningful in it. Realistically I don't think I'll ever finish it, I'm just too far removed from the mindset I was in when I started to write it, and I'm too distant from the characters to satisfyingly wrap up their stories. But knowing that you found it after all these years and enjoyed it really means a lot to me.

Readers who find old stories, even old unfinished ones, and take the time to message and/or comment about them are the backbone of fandom, really truly! Thank you for the kind words.

#anonymous #asks #winged cupid painted

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angel-inked · 1 year

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Silenced Fire, Chapter 24 "Inferior"

This was supposed to go up on Wednesday but I'm posting it now cuz due to Thanksgiving malarkey and moving a shit ton of furniture I've been pretty tired as of late

Anyway, happy Thanksgiving and enjoy the read

Taglist: @vvkingofgaybisciutsvv @thequeenofthewinter

"When's Howard gonna get here?" Jack asked, leaning his elbows on the back of the couch, his eyes glued to the driveway. "Soon Jack, soon" Forrest explained. He'd taken to calling his little brother Jack after he wondered why people didn't call him by his middle name like they did Forrest. Finally a truck pulled into the drive, Jack gasped and ran outside, Forrest shook his head with a sigh but followed the eager boy. Howard stepped out and hugged Jack "You've grown since I last saw ya" Howard grinned, patting Jack on the shoulder. "Yep" Jack beamed at his brother's praise. Forrest grunted disapprovingly as he walked down the steps to join the pair, he could see a bandage warped arm protruding out if Howard's sleeve. "What happened to you?" He asked, coming to a stop in front of his brothers. "His platoon drowned and he's the only one who made it out" a uniformed man explained, stepping out of the truck. "Hmm" Forrest hummed, wondering what this could mean for the coming days. "You're little brother is lucky to be alive" the man remarked, gaining Forrest' attention quite quickly. Howard narrowed his eyes "Forrest is a few years younger than me" Howard explained. "Oh, I'm sorry" the man exclaimed, turning to Forrest. "It's alright" he assured him. "Maybe I'll still be around when you join us" the man remarked. Forrest sighed, "can't. heart murmur" Forrest explained, placing a hand over his chest. "Oh, I see. It was nice meeting you all the same" he replied, shaking Forrest hand "take good care of your brothers" the man explained as he climbed in his truck and took off.

Forrest lips upturned slightly at this memory, for both good and bad reasons. This was the first time someone mistook him for the oldest and he was happy to have Howard home in mostly one piece, not just for Jack's sake but his own. The bad part about it was remembering how a benign heart murmur when he was a child made him feel inferior to Howard, he wanted to make something out of himself not live in his big brother's shadow. He had been running shine for a few years at that point, leaving a young Jack with his older cousins while he made and ran liquor, when the prohibition hit, Forrest figured this was how he could make his name known. Almost everyone in Franklin County was bootlegging but most of the small town agreed there was nothing quite like a jar of moonshine of Bondurant make.

"Forrest" Maggie's voice pulled him out of his thoughts as he finished getting dressed, "you almost done? dinners ready". Forrest didn't respond, instead opening the door to face the older Beaufort sister. "Don't you clean up nice" Maggie smiled, admiring his all black attire. "Have I mentioned Rose likes a man who knows how to dress" she explained. Forrest nodded with a groan, following his brother's suitor down stairs. "Ooo, don't you look handsome" Rose smiled, as Forrest and Maggie walked into the kitchen. Forrest resisted rolling his eyes to the back of his skull when Maggie gave him an "I told you so" look. Forrest moved toward Rose and reached for his sweater pocket, Rose had the warm gray knit garment hanging off her shoulders over her nearly floor length dress. Despite the hot weather, she didn't feel comfortable in a dress shorter than the one she had on around rowdy patterns understandably. Forrest connected their lips as he pulled his brass knuckles from his sweater pocket and pulled away from Rose, repocketing them in his slacks.

"You don't go two feet from your bed without those knuckles" Howard smiled, as Forrest sat next to him at the table. Forrest turned to his brother with a flat expression, his expression was always flat but this was somehow.. flatter. Howard couldn't even read his eyes, so he just looked down at the table and started playing with the tablecloth between his rough fingers. Rose placed plates in front of the Bondurant brothers and Maggie placed two down for the Pate boys. "You two sure make a good team" Jack smiled at the girls. "Siblings make the best teammates" Rose grinned. "Really?" Forrest asked. "Oh come on, we're not that bad" Howard exclaimed. The girls laughed, for a mere second Howard saw a smile tug at Forrest' lips but it was quickly suppressed.

Forrest cleared his throat, "Remember when I ran shine by myself?" He said turning to Howard. Howard looked at his little brother and scoffed "boy, do I ever". "I mostly just remember you coming home covered in everybody's blood but you're own" Jack chuckled. Forrest hummed and nodded, "yep, I'd leave early in the morning and come back well into the night" Forrest mumbled. "You did it by yourself?" Rose asked. "Yeah he did, started the whole thing himself, he's the boss for a reason" Howard explained through a mouthful of food. "Damn it Howard, use your manners" Forrest softly scolded. "Sorry" Howard said, wiping his mouth with a napkin. "Besides it was about the only thing I could do, stupid heart murmur my ass" Forrest grumbled, leaning an elbow on the back of his chair. "Heart murmur?" Maggie questioned. "It's the only reason I never got drafted like Howard, Jack was too young at the time" Forrest muttered. "Ya know I never meant to make you feel inferior" Howard explained. "I know" Forrest replied.

Rose glanced at her sister as the brothers talked, she turned back to Forrest. "I don't think you're inferior to Howard" Rose murmured. Forrest turned to her, his eyes held a longing look "Thank you" he uttered just barely loud enough to be heard, finally shifting his burning gaze away. "I concur, this place couldn't even exist without you Forrest" Jack explained. Forrest grunted and nodded, and that was the only answer to any questions from that point forward. "You done talkin' for the day?" Howard chuckled. "Shut up jackass" Forrest murmured. Most people didn't hear what little Forrest spoke, his brothers caught every little murmur that passed between his lips. They're ears were tuned in to him, he didn't have to raise his voice to be heard, but when he did it sent people running for the hills.

#hope you enjoy #wip wednesday #wip wip wip #tom hardy #fluff #forrest bondurant #lawless #it's a day late but who cares 🤷‍♂️

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fchsadfa · 5 months

Text

Would weaving a small overshot sample be too ambitious?

The loom is already warped and set up, I've got yarns at the ready (both the same weight as the warp and thicker yarn for an overshot pattern), and surely it can't be that complicated right??

Important context: the first time I used a floor loom was 14 weeks ago, and I haven't touched the loom since 14 weeks ago (when I made a simple plain weave mat with ripped t-shirt strips). I need to finish weaving by Friday afternoon at the latest, and I have several other projects competing for my attention.

Anyways the overall theme of my show is A Rose By Any Other Name, and I'm making rose themed items using as many techniques from this program as possible. I revisited my notes from weaving week and was dismayed to learn that rosepath is just about how you tie up the harnesses and not actually a pattern?? (Correct me if wrong, I am very baby at weaving). But I've been looking at overshot patterns and they have more rosy roses, AND they're cool, AND they're full of patterns that make my brain go brrr AND I get to mess around with even more colour options? Sign me up.

Or tell me to scale it back, I make a simple diamond twill, and save my energy for the other parts that I still need to pull together for Friday.

*gently shoves my imaginary portfolio (that I am supposed to submit for marks in marketing and portfolio but haven't even taken photos of all my work yet) under the rug*

I still need to figure out my set-up for my table, but the school staff are still very cagey about giving us a floorplan so idk who my neighbours are gonna be (and so can't ask them if they'd be okay with curtains extending over/ off my table). But I want my pennant banner to hang above the table, which means lashing poles to the end legs. And my rose window stained glass quilt piece ended up larger than the table (lol) so either it hangs suspended or I need to prop it up somehow ( and have a source of illumination behind, whether an actual window or an electric light). My ribbon roses project is stalled out due to dissatisfaction, but I made several so I gotta work them into something, if not the 4 foot table runner I was visioning. And my new pet project of crochet roses has potential but it takes a while to crochet so I only have 7 so far, which is not enough to make an entire shawl... I'm hesitant to join them as motifs until I know how many I can make/ how large the finished piece will be. But I also don't want to be up all night before the show losing my mind at crochet.

#weaving #overshot #rosepath #pls advise I am small baby #overly ambitious small baby #thank you if you read my whole ramble. sorry about that #fibre arts

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