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seananmcguire · 2 months

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I know I periodically ask people to look at Alice, but I would like to explain why.

That, above, is Alice when she was just ten days old. It was December 2008, and I had gone to Seattle to prepare to die. I was tired, I was dealing with a massive disruption in my social circle, and I was done. So I went to see friends, and to say my goodbyes before I went home and politely made my exit. I had a fully articulated plan, and no desire to tell people about it, which is not a good place to be.

Then we went to visit Betsy, who had recently ushered a litter of kittens into the world. And she put this little blue tabby potato in my hand and said "That's the girl."

And just like that, I decided to live. "Do you take checks?" I replied, and Alice entered my life.

(That makes it sound much easier than it was. Betsy was intending to keep Alice, who was without flaw by Maine Coon breed standards. Seriously, she was the kind of cat breeders work to produce for their entire careers. I spent two months wearing Betsy down before she agreed to let me have her.)

Alice was my first Maine Coon. Alice was my heart and soul somehow walking around outside of my body. She was without flaw. She was everything I wanted in this world, and she loved me as much as I loved her, and I would happily trade a year of my life for another hour with her in my arms.

In 2017, I went to Australia as a convention guest, and when I came home, Alice wasn't right. She was always food-motivated, and she was refusing to eat. I made a vet appointment immediately, and we started the necessary tests to find out what was wrong. Roughly a month later, while I was at another convention, my vet called me.

"I am so so sorry," she said, and the world ended.

Alice had large-cell feline lymphoma. It wasn't a surgically treatable cancer; we were going to have to go through chemo, and hope. So we did. And we did everything it was possible to do. Thanks to my Patreon, there was never a point where I had to decline treatment due to money, and I know what an incredible gift that was. Bit by bit, she faded, but she was still my Alice, and we were still fighting.

Then, on February 13th, 2018, I woke up and she was stretched out along my side from hip to knee, making the worst sound I have ever heard every time she took a breath. I didn't want to let her go. I could no longer make her stay. We left for the vet immediately, and my oncologist agreed that she was done; she was ready to go, and the last gift she gave me was staying by my side, not running and hiding like most cats would.

I held her. I sang "Beautiful Beast" for her. And she went ahead of me to the clearing at the end of the path, to the place she stopped me from going.

I miss her more than I knew I could miss anything in this world. She was my best friend and my favorite thing, and my mother told people I'd lost a child to explain why I would just wander around, dead-eyed and sobbing. Alice saved me when I didn't think it was possible, and I'm grateful; I have no such plans at this point.

But fuck my poor, broken heart, I just want her to come home. And in the absence of that as an option, I want everyone to look at Alice.

Please look at my poor girl.

#pet death #cat death #suicidal ideation #gnu alice #baby please come home #i don't care if you come back wrong #just come back #feline lymphoma

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darecruit · 11 months

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Baby come back! You can blame it all on me!! Miss your writing! Hope all is well with you!

Ha! Your message made my day! Thank you! And I’ve been busy and happily working on the next installment of Daughters. Rachel and Quinn get into a fight on the first day back to school after the New Year. Lots of trouble and hurt and love. Here’s a sneak peek!

A Mother To Both

Summary: Life for Shelby Corcoran is not as smooth and calm as she might have hoped as Quinn’s guardianship goes through and Rachel learns the truth about the other girl’s living arrangements. When the girls get into a fight on the first day back after the new year, Shelby must come to terms with what it means being the mother to both.

Chapter 1: Cold Hard Truth

Shelby Corcoran pulled in at the end of the long line of cars of parents dropping their children off for the first day back to school after the winter holidays, a sense of sadness settling around her. She wasn’t ready for Real LifeTM to start back up again. Things had been so nice during the Christmas break, even with the spanking she’d given Quinn after her 200-mile runaway road trip that kicked off their holiday. That had been the catalyst for the teen to finally let go and let Shelby take care of her completely. Shelby was now Mama to two blonde daughters and that felt right…but she didn’t feel whole. Shelby Corcoran wouldn’t be whole until she could be Mama to one last child—the child she’d been a surrogate for and then walked away from out of fear when she had the chance last April.

“Mama? You gotta pull up—you’re holding up the line,” Quinn’s voice startled Shelby from her thoughts. With a jerk, she stepped on the gas pedal and they lurched forward several feet.

“Sorry, honey!” she gasped as she flung her right arm out to brace Quinn.

“See? I told you. You should’ve let me drive this morning,” Quinn said, an air of superiority in her tone. “Distracted driving is dangerous, and clearly you’re—”

“Okay, brat,” Shelby interrupted the child’s gloating. “Get your butt into that school. Be good! I love you! I’ll see you this afternoon.”

Quinn giggled and leaned over the center console to give a quick, one-armed hug to the woman. Shelby laid a fast peck on her cheek and then nudged her toward the door. “Go on—you’re holding up the line,” she teased.

“Fine, fine,” Quinn sighed, pulling on the door handle and jumping out. The back door opened a second later and Quinn ducked her head in to kiss the mop of blonde curls atop Beth’s head. “See ya later, Bethie,” she told the baby. “Bye, Mama!”

“Bye, honey!” Shelby called as Quinn shut the back door and shouldered her bookbag. She offered one final wave before a horn honked from behind her. “Yeah, yeah,” she grumbled, waving her hand in acknowledgement.

As the black Range Rover pulled out of the drop-off lane to join the throng of cars in the main part of the parking lot, a certain set of angry brown eyes tracked a blonde cheerleader’s route into the main entrance of the school. Determined feet took off in pursuit, staying far enough behind so as to remain undetected as a plan began to take shape.

***

Rachel Berry stalked down the halls of McKinley High mid-morning, grumbling under her breath and going over her prepared speech once more. There were ten minutes remaining in second block and Rachel wanted to plant herself in the small alcove near her and Quinn’s lockers before the whole of the student population was in the halls. And now, she waited. And fumed.

It had been one thing when she thought Quinn was getting close to Shelby for Beth’s benefit. Part of it even made sense—Shelby knew what Quinn was going through, having given up a baby herself. And Rachel wasn’t completely unaware of her birth mother’s feelings and…regrets. It made sense to Rachel that Shelby would want better for Beth, this new little baby she was raising. But Shelby’s frantic phone call to Rachel two days before Christmas, asking if she’d heard from Quinn because Shelby was worried about her—couldn’t find her—spoke of something so much more. And coupled with what the small teen had seen and, more importantly, overheard, this morning…Well—Rachel was pissed!

Shelby had told Rachel that she was all grown up, that they should be grateful for one another from afar. She said she had wanted a baby—a family—and Rachel had her dads. Rachel didn’t need Shelby the way a baby would. Rachel had been hurt by that, and it was only in the last few months that she had begun to come to a tentative understanding. Shelby’d been right when she said she was Rachel’s birth mother but not her mom. Shelby Corcoran was a stranger—a stranger that shared DNA, but a stranger none-the-less. Rachel had two wonderful parents who loved her immensely. She didn’t need Shelby. But…was it so wrong to want her?

She’d been hopeful after receiving a text message on her birthday from the woman letting her know she was thinking of her and hoping her day was everything she wished for and more. Shelby had even gone on to say that she would love to get together for a coffee and get to know Rachel. Rachel had replied back enthusiastically and Shelby promised she would be in touch soon. So when the call came on December 23rd, Rachel had picked up ecstatic, thinking her birth mother was taking that first step. Her hopes had been crushed when it wasn’t about Rachel, but Quinn.

Quinn. Beautiful, smart, perfect Quinn. Quinn who had given Shelby a daughter to raise from the start. Quinn who probably offered Shelby an insight into what Beth could grow to be. Quinn who perhaps reminded Shelby of herself. Quinn was everything that Rachel would never be, and apparently, everything that Shelby valued in a daughter. Why else would the blonde call Shelby ‘Mama’? And why would Shelby let her if she didn’t feel that way too?

Rachel had tried calling Shelby ‘Mom’ all those months ago. It felt foreign on her tongue, and understandably so! She was used to Dad and Daddy. ‘Mom’ could have become natural if given time, but Shelby hadn’t afforded her that. She’d given up and gone away before anything could happen. Yet somehow, Quinn had managed to do what Rachel had only dreamed of. But how? And why—

Before Rachel could spiral further, the source of her ire passed by her hideout. Body vibrating now with adrenaline, the small teen shot out of the alcove and practically dove at the taller blonde. Quinn screamed and Rachel’s momentum knocked them both into the lockers.

“What the fuck, Berry?!” Quinn growled as she was pinned against cold metal, the combination lock digging into the space between her shoulder blades. “What are you doing?” she demanded, trying to force the other girl off her. Rachel was deceptively strong for such a little thing.

“What are you doing?” Rachel spat, throwing her body weight into Quinn and making the blonde wince.

“Trying to live my life, Rachel! Get off me!”

“I saw you with her!”

“Who?!”

“Don’t play dumb, Quinn,” Rachel admonished, pushing Quinn harder against the locker. “Who do you think?”

“What are you—”

“SHELBY!” Rachel bellowed, earning several curious looks from passerby. Whatever shown on her face was enough to get them to scurry away—a first, to be sure.

Meanwhile, Quinn’s eyes bulged and her heart rate skyrocketed. “Rachel—Ow, fuck!” Rachel body-checked her again, this time ramming her pointy little shoulder into Quinn’s chest. The smaller girl then glared up at her with angry, nearly black eyes and Quinn gulped. Her stomach plummeted and she wanted nothing more than to run as far and as fast as she could away from whatever was about to happen.

Quinn was then hit with a barrage of accusations and revelations that, quite frankly, was information overload for the sixteen-year-old. Rachel was coming at her with vicious words, listing all of the times she’d seen Quinn with Shelby. Quinn’s ears were ringing. Everything felt too fast and too loud. Quinn wanted to scream, but she was frozen, unable to make a sound.

Guilt swirled and settled in the pit of her stomach as Rachel continued her angry tirade and Quinn realized that, apart from those very first weeks with Shelby, she hadn’t given any further thought about Rachel, her feelings, or how she’d react when she found out—and she would find out. Shelby and Quinn weren’t hiding anything. The worst of her guilt, however, came from the fact that she didn’t feel guilty about her relationship with Shelby. Shelby Corcoran was the best thing that had ever happened to Quinn in her life and she wasn’t going to give her up without a fight. Rachel, it seemed, was ready for that fight.

“She’s MY mom, Quinn! She may not want me but if I can’t have her, neither can you! Stay AWAY from her!” Rachel roared, her shoulders rising and falling from her heavy breathing.

The venom behind those words were enough to knock the breath from Quinn’s lungs and her stomach knotted so hard that she felt as if Rachel had sucker punched her. The pain was so intense that she honestly wasn’t sure she hadn’t. It was then that her fight or flight kicked in. Finding her voice, Quinn used it to scream out “NO!”, and with a burst of pure adrenaline, she was finally successful in pushing Rachel away from her.

Rachel staggered backwards, trying to regain her footing. When she did, the girl let out a truly inhuman roar and came at Quinn, swinging. Quinn pushed her away, which only infuriated Rachel that much more. They’d attracted a growing audience now, but neither girl paid them any attention.

“STAY AWAY FROM HER!” Rachel screamed.

“NO!” Quinn returned just as heatedly. “I won’t, Rachel!”

Rachel’s face crumpled and tears cascaded down olive-toned cheeks. “Haven’t you hurt me enough over the years? Do you really have to use Shelby to hurt me too?”

Quinn could feel her own tears welling—Rachel’s pain was palpable. Quinn felt for her, she did, but that didn’t mean she was going to give up the only loving mother she ever had, either. “It—It’s not about you, Rachel! I’m sorry you’re hurting, but Shelby’s my—”

“Your what?!” Rachel snarled. “Your Mama? Go play house with someone else’s mother, but leave MINE out of it! You owe me that much!”

Angry and on the defensive, Quinn stepped forward and pushed Rachel hard. “Fuck you, Hobbit! I don’t owe you anything and I’m not going to stay away from Shelby—I live with her! And there’s nothing you can do to change that so just—”

It all happened so quickly. One minute Quinn was screaming at Rachel, advancing on her, pushing her and forcing her backwards; the next, a shockwave of pain overwhelmed the blonde. Her eyes stung and she couldn’t catch her breath—the cold was unbearable. It wasn’t until she was wiping cherry-flavored ice crystals off her face and her vision cleared enough to see that Rachel was standing opposite her holding an empty slushie cup that Quinn even realized what truly transpired.

Rachel Berry had slushied Quinn Fabray.

The crowd around them erupted in noise. It wasn’t long before it drew the attention of the teachers. Then Rachel Berry and Quinn Fabray were being marched past the growing throng of students towards the Principal’s Office.

#asks #glee fanfic #Daughters universe #Baby Please Come Home #Sequel #Shelby #Rachel #Quinn #A Mother To Both #Daughters series

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