#bc otherwise we'd have to go all the way to the back just to get the keys again an unlock all the lights n doors | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

zeep-xanflorp · 6 months

Text

ok i'm just gonna ramble ab unmortricken bc i have exactly ZERO COHERENT THOUGHTS AB IT

evil morty backstory - i rlly like that they just made him some random morty who rose above everything after getting sick of rick's abuse. it makes what he did feel even more earned and weighty. i think his motivation is a bit extreme still but i can't rlly blame him.

it's cool seeing infinity beyond the central finite curve. the jetsons inspired bit was v amusing bc i forgot about them lmao. but otherwise it seems absolutely wild west beyond the curve and i LIVE for that.

i also didnt imagine that we'd be seeing him again. i thought the way he left the show was perfect and if they brought him back it would just feel cheap but it DOESNT in this episode i love his appearance.

i rlly like seeing our morty be supportive of rick. he's literally trying everything to cheer him up and it's very important to me.

the prime decoys confuse me. like do they all share a consciousness? is prime just very very good at fucking with ppl that he's made all the decoys communicate w each other?

evil morty outsmarting rick is a great recurring theme in the episode. "filter for probability stasis" YEAH U TELL HIM LITTLE DUDE. we've never seen a morty like that EXCEPT for him and i think it's wonderful.

the exchange between rick and evil morty. "you're such a narcissist" / "literal glass house" / "you think you're better than me?" / "jesus i HOPE SO" SHITTING

i didnt initially like the decoy trap thing being full of loads of other ricks. it made me feel like our rick wasn't very important to this dude and rick just made an enemy of a guy who didn't know he existed. BUT i don't stand by that anymore. the rest of the episode made me change my mind very quickly with.

the omega device. holy fuck this is the worst reveal to come out of this episode. she wasn't just killed, she was ERASED by prime in every reality. like she is GONE gone. that's why we've never seen her, save in flashbacks and memories. she's gone.

and i'm pretty sure it's our rick's fault that he did that. we see his beth and his diane be killed by a bomb, not wiped from reality like slo mobius is later in the episode. so his family was killed BEFORE all the shit with the omega device. ik correlation ≠ causation, but it rlly explains why our rick in particular is so hungry for revenge. if he was the one that made prime kill diane everywhere then he had to be the one to make prime pay for it.

i like how the multiple monitors seems to be prime's signature move. it happens here and in the s6 premiere.

and oh fuck the parallels. "when i invent something it works, it's called being talented" in story train vs "when i make a weapon in works."

oh man the diane head weapon thing. it's interesting that it was programmed to mock rick sexually, but even on our rick who knows it's a trap, it still affects him seeing her face again. "god i missed that face." and then the blank stare when she asks for a kiss. pretty sweet and fucked up.

rick and evil morty having to work together to get their portals working. the contrast between our morty freaking out and evil morty blank staring.

the bit with the portal closing too soon. i know it happened earlier this season and i think it's so funny lmao.

I CANNOT STRESS TO YOU ENOUGH THAT I WAS SO MADE WHEN I WORKED OUT THAT INSTEAD OF YELLING WHILE GOING THROUGH THE CURVE THING IN THE MIDFLE OF THE EP HE WAS SCREAMING "PRIME" THOSE DIABOLICAL LITTLE BASTARDS AT ADULT SWIM.

prime calling rick the Wife Guy. hilarious. raises questions. makes me gnaw on my cell bars.

AND THEN the second incredible reveal of the episode: "Honestly, Wife Guy, I do miss when it was just us. The only two Ricks who actually invented portal travel." WHAT bestie prime bby girl u need to say that again. you guys were the ONLY ones who invented interdimensional travel, every rick's claim to fame. but no they just got the technology from prime who started a boys club of ricks who wanted to leave their lives behind that our rick refused.

but the reference to a time when they were closer, when it was only them - HELLO?? maybe i'm grasping at straws bc i want them to bang but holy shit.

the confirmation of the fan theory that rick based his AI voice on his wife. 10/10.

and then the fight scene. oh gods the fight scene. rick just screaming that he'll kill prime. prime regenerating constantly, looking unscathed as our rick becomes more and more dishevelled. it's too perfect i CANT. but otherwise they both seem pretty evenly matched w all the implants and stuff so without the regeneration i think rick would've had him. oh well.

rick like literally died during the fight.

the cool grandson/shitty grandpa exchange gives me breath. i LOVE how it's a morty that outsmarts prime. it's what he deserves.

prime still trying to be a smartass to evil morty, growing more and more panicked as it goes on bc he doesn't know what to do with the situation and control for once is not in his hands.

"what are u gonna 'aw geez' me to death?"

evil morty not even explaining his plan, just silently dragging in our rick and reviving him. saying "knock yourself out" with the intended double meaning. prime's almost scared expression as rick gets dragged in.

and then our rick has a choice. he can stop evil morty from keeping the weapon plans or he can kill prime. but that's a choice he made already. it's not even a decision. so his other enemy gets away.

the brutal brutal scene at the end when rick is just hitting prime. no tech, no implants, no gadgets. just fists. and rick beats him literally to a pulp as prime screams and laughs at him and taunts him further. it's meant to be sickening. it's meant to be personal. and it accomplishes that perfectly.

they don't even show prime's body in great detail. it's RIGHT in the background but we heard the sounds of the punches, we saw his nose break and his bloody teeth and haemorrhaging eyes and his brains coming out the side of it head and all we can make out is his fucked up swollen and broken face in the background as he sits still attached to the chair, a river of his blood pouring from the room.

but its not triumphant. they made rick's revenge hollow and bittersweet. its over but it destroyed rick in the process. who is he now that he isn't hunting prime? fucking no one.

then "look on down from the bridge" starts playing. we heard this in season 1 in rick potion #9 after morty had to bury a version of himself. he was struggling with the purpose of his life after switching universes. but he deals with it and overcomes it.

i think that scene is rick, for the first time in the entire show, struggling with his nihilistic philosophy. bc yes, he's shown to be an existentialist in the show (the difference being existentialists are "nothing matters but this matters to me" instead of "nothing matters so i don't have to do anything"). he had a drive. he had ppl he cared about. but now he's reached his goal he just feels empty and hollow. everything's meaningless and he's NOT okay with that. he never has been, but he has to grapple with that finally now he doesn't have a distraction. i don't think he can just bounce back and move past what happened.

ppl are saying this episode felt overstuffed and maybe it was but i'm very pleased with it and want to know where it's going.

i feel we still don't know the full story with prime. i'm predicting a flash back episode in the future explaining what the nature of their relationship was like before the bomb incident.

we also know that evil morty has this weapon that could destroy all ricks. so that is just a ticking bomb.

anyway i can't wait for angsty rick.

i actually watched unforgiven for this episode bc i'm a big fan of westerns anyway. the only real parallels i can see is they both have a group of three (two are already partners and the other one is the call to adventure) and an unsatisfying ending. bc that's the nature of westerns. they should NEVER end happily, and if u think so then ur wrong (/nsrs enjoy media how u want).

some things i haven't mentioned but enjoyed nonetheless

the schematics for the omega device is titled <SCHEMATICS BOOGER-AIDS-V2>

the arm/leg swap best in the fight

the comparison between the song at the end playing here and in season one shows with just visuals how the dynamic of beth and jerry's (and beth's) marriage has evolved since then.

everyone freaking out when indiana jones rick shoots and it ricochets off the wall and evil morty just stands expressionless until it hits his forcefield.

morty going to hug rick covered in blood, realising, hesitating, and then doing it later anyway to try and make rick feel better.

evil morty making a point to say that he doesn't want vengeful summers coming after him for omega devicing rick. not vengeful mortys, vengeful SUMMERS.

just evil morty in this whole episode was an absolute delight i need to see him more.

THE TEAR MARKS AFTER RICK EMERGES FROM BEATING PRIME TO DEATH

slo mobius' wife almost going down the same path our rick did only to find someone she loves and focus on that, saving her. makes me wonder if they're gonna try putting rick in a relationship.

this ended up being way longer than it should have. anyway. very pleased. this season is hitting all the marks for me overall.

also don't be too hard on me i didnt edit this 😭

#rick and morty #rick sanchez #rick n morty #r&m #rnm #rick c 137 #rick c137 #rick #rick and morty spoilers #unmortricken #rick and morty season 7 #rick and morty season 7 spoilers #rick prime #evil morty #prickcest #rick and morty meta

130 notes · View notes

silverstonesainz-archive · 1 year

Note

it’s still the 15 in la so forgive me for the late submission i’m adoring these least-to-most-likely scenarios and would love to hear your thoughts on the 2023 grid + danny, mick, and seb in terms of who’d successfully one day randomly pop up with a secret wife of ten years and three kids as if it were a casual thing

from least-to-most-likely... im sorry this is so long and a lil late

lando -> idk i think its a generational thing where soft launches & validation through social media is all the rave. so i think lando wouldnt or even couldn't hide it even if we wanted to. and i think lando likes showing off his girl, hes very comfortable in his relationships (ie talking about luisa in dts).

pierre -> absolutely not. he loves showing off what– rather who, he loves. i mean yall.... his photos with katerina are still up on his instagram he loves that shit. SO NO he will not being keeping a wife and family a secret. if he had it his way he would livestream his wife giving birth. tell me i'm wrong, i dare you.

logan -> he is a young, white man. and i mean white. american white. and if there is anything i know about caucasian men in all my years of dealing with them, there is no hiding a girl even if their life depended on it. same deal as lando too, where soft launches and the need for validation through posting is very much ingrained in the current dating culture sooooo yea.

fernando -> this man is so unserious, and also a boomer-wanna-be-gen-z when it comes to social media so its all about sharing his love and his corazon. though i will say he will be pretty selective with what he shares. and i think he'd pull a rosberg, in that he will post family photos but with emojis over his baby's faces.

nico -> something about this man just tells me that he enjoys the validation and the sharing a lot. we'd hear about the engagement, the pregnancy, all through instagram. but i think he'd do it in cringey cute way. my man is on pinterest with "cute pregnancy announcement inspo" in the search bar.

checo -> he is a proud papa & husband (minus that time in monaco). he loves having his family around him so there isn't a reason why he would ever keep it a secret. though i will say, much like he already does, he would try to keep his family/personal life very much seperate from his work. i think all we'd see of his family is when they show up to races or milestones/birthdays via social media.

charles -> i think he just loves sharing pieces of his life with us that keeping his family a secret would be impossible. charles would 100% walk onto the paddock with his daughter on his hip. they would be wearing matching sunglasses (raybans bc forza ferrari. and not her own pair, one of daddy's). but not outfits bc mama dressed her baby, not charles.

valterri -> he tries to keep what goes on in his personal life as on the down low as possible. i think that he would definitely try to keep his kids out of pap photos & try to hide their faces but other than that i think we would all be aware of his ever-growing family. i think he'd do smth cheesy like post a photo from the back of him and his son with matchin mullets. or maybe a photo of lewis carrying his daughter bc 'uncle lew had to get a matching outfit with his god daughter.'

oscar -> i could've lumped him higher on the list with lando/logan but smth about oscar tells me otherwise. like idk what it is about him but i think he'd try to keep it on the hush hush for as long as he can before eventually sharing with the world. we'd be surviving off soft launches for a WHILE methinks. (but i could be so wrong bc idk oscar this is just based off his face).

kevin -> we'd know (i mean we know now). but similar to fernando in a sense where he chooses what pieces of his time with his wife and kids he wants to share with the world. i think he is very protective of his family and the peace he's worked on building around them.

esteban -> you know... with the way his & elena's relationship is going i can definitely see this man randomly dropping that he's married one day. but the thing is, is that we would all already have an idea of who his wife is, if that makes sense. we'd get little bouts of content from him. a very 'private, not secret' type beat.

nyck -> just like esteban in a sense where we'd know who the wife would be. i think the marriage would come as a shock, but as their family grows i think he'd drop hints and stuff. nyck will definitely bring his kid(s) to at least one race a year and i just have an inkling that his child would be a menace.

alex -> he's happy to share the small moments with the world, but oh it would be very sparse. just little crumbs here and there. he protects what he loves so much, but he's much too proud and excited not to share. think of all the baby photos with all the animals. the matching hair-dos. the baby hating photos as much as dad hates media so when the paps come around baby has the same frown.

daniel -> we would know, but i think he would take his time introducing that part of his life to us. we'd always know he's married & has kids, but we would also have to live off of soft launches for a bit. daniel is a proud man, proud of the life he builds and who he chose to build it with. and daniel would 100% walk onto the paddock with his kids hanging off of him. his daughter on his back, son upside down in his arms.... do you see the vision???

lewis -> this man could go either way. on the one hand i can see lewis showing off the love of his life and his family bc thats what lewis does. he shows off the people he loves. but then i can also see him keeping it quiet, keeping just a piece of his life a secret because in the position he's in, he doesn't have too many secrets to himself left. so yeah... but tell me what yall think.

carlos -> carlos would've been lower on the list with all that 'i protect love' crap but me personally, i just don't see it. i think that we'd all somehow find out about his engagement + growing family somehow. like carlos is always being followed by the paps for literally WHAT. so yeah, i don't think it would be best kept secret. also he's such a family man, i think he'd jump at the opportunity to share his family with the world.

lance -> i know lance has posted his s.o. before, but there is something about this man that tells me when it's a love that he really really values and wants to protect, he will keep it a secret. he will keep them away from the limelight, from the unnecessary attention for as long as possible. idk about 10yrs and then pop out with a whole wife & kids, but i definitely think he'd be the type randomly drop on wednesday that he's engaged.

george -> i think this man could pull it off if he wanted to. i think he'd go ghost on social media in terms of what he does in his personal time. like itll be all race content until one day he just drops a photo of him & his wife welcoming their new baby. i can see it. but i think it all depends on him.

yuki -> idk i think in a relationship he'd be very reserved about it. i think that he'd hate the attention he would end up receiving about dating, so much so he'd prefer if no one knew right away. i think that we'd always know he's with someone bc of like soft launch-esque photos of hands/back of their head. but yeah we'd never truly know who until much much later.

guanyu -> guanyu truly gives me vibes of wanting to protect his family and try to keep them separate from his work. and not even in a malicious way, but in a sense where he doesn't want the people he loves most to be put under undeserving scrutiny. he'd find ways to bring them to races & events but truly, the public would never know.

max -> if were being completely honest here, we know so much about max's love life because of who he's involved with. but if he had it his way, i think we he would pull it off. like i think he would randomly drop the "my wife & kids" line out of no where and it would take the world by storm. and max would say it so nonchalantly too.

mick -> i think that he could pull it off. even in his last relationship, i dont recall ever seeing him post about/with her so... he is definitely a very very private guy. and he has a very tight group of friends at that, so i doubt any information would ever get out to the public unless mick makes a move first.

seb -> he's a very private guy, who didn't even have instagram until last year... and it was to announce his RETIREMENT. and though we know about hannah, we don't know much about his kids. i think i remember kym telling a story about how sebastian asked him & other photographers not to photograph his kids when they came on the paddock so.... seb will go through hoops and the extra mile to be sure a secret is kept.

187 notes · View notes

aria-ashryver · 15 days

Text

yooooo im SO tired, have a health update 💞

(which was going to be another video update but then a bird came and i got distracted and now im too tired to speak lol. also WOW imagine being so pale you create your own god rays slkdjf)

so, ive been feeling like hot garbage for some time, which is perhaps not surprising with the whole "was poisoned via chemo for a year, is still recovering" thing. Recently my heart has been feeling Not Good TM, and the fatigue waves are getting pretty extreme at times.

So, I followed this up with my doctor, very much expecting it to be a case of "no you're just out of shape / your asthma is playing up / you're just being super lazy, try harder, etc". He booked me a specialised heart test which I had last week.

Uhhh apparently I wasn't just being pathetic! (Which is somewhat gratifying to know that there is a reason things have been so hard lately and it's not just in my head)

There is a thing called your Ejection Fraction, which is essentially a measure of how much oxygenated blood your heart is pumping around your body -- its the factor that keeps you feeling energised.

Mine has dropped. Fairly significantly. When I had the same heart scan in October, mid-way through chemo, I was still retaining a lot of my heart health and muscle mass from when i was pre-chemo, so my EF was sitting at about 80. Which is a sign I was initially quite physically fit (or, to quote my oncologist: "giiiiirl, you a Boston Marathon runner or what?)

Since my last scan, my EF has dropped to 58. Which is still actually higher than average, most people sit at about 55, so I've dropped to an average range lol.

My heart is working, but such a significant jump is still cause for concern. My oncologist said that if I had been less young and fit, it would have been a case of dropping from 55 to somewhere in the 30s, to which he said "you'd struggle to even walk down that corridor at that point."

At this stage, I have a (hopefully reversible!) cardiomyopathy. Unfortunately, reduced heart and lung function can be complications of the two immune therapy drugs I am taking to prevent my cancer from coming back. So the current course of action is to put my immune therapy treatments on hold for 9 weeks to let my heart recover.

Yes, that is a tad spooky, but the drugs have a very long half-life, so I should be okay not taking them for that short period. On the plus side, this should hopefully improve my overall quality of life while my heart heals, and a break from immune therapy will be really nice anyway, because that shit hurts lmao.

Otherwise, the metastatic cancer in my spine and my hips remains stable and is still showing signs of healing because I am AWESOME AND COOL. Oh, and I also had a massive internal lesion (a chemo complication I never mentioned here bc like... if I told you guys every little thing that's wrong with me, we'd be here all day lmao) but that is now healing on its own too!! Woo!

So... ye. Gonna have a nap, knowing that medically my heart is broken and I have yet another reason to take it easy now haha.

Send me lots of "oi don't get cancer again in the next 9 weeks you absolute nugget" type vibes. I don't think I will, I'm not worried, but yk yk vibes are nice 🥰💝💖💓💕🩷💞 if you are still reading, I hope you have a wonderful day!!!

#aria pincushion tally:#complete #look how much hair i have now whoa #i have chemo curls

17 notes · View notes

poppy-metal · 2 years

Note

Stancy housepet anon back to talk Steve's breeding fetish because we need the distraction rn:

It's almost funny that having kids only becomes a more concrete idea (not just a "we'll get to that eventually") after they meet you. It's always been something they both wanted, but Nancy works too much and Steve's too busy to think about taking a breather to start really trying.

Then you come in, Nancy's impulsive idea, all soft and sweet and slotting right into their lives, and it becomes a bigger possibility. Something Steve jerks off to alone at first, in the shower when you're out grocery shopping and Nancy's on the phone, the idea of both his girls going off BC at the same time, laying side by side in bed with their legs spread for him, just waiting for him to knock them up. The two best cunts in the world, just aching to be bred properly, makes his balls ache with the need to be emptied.

But he waits because he's nervous, knows that it's a massive step forward and Hawkins asks enough questions about the nature of your relationship as is. If he somehow manages to knock you both up at once, the gossip would bubble over, someone would probably make a comment under their breath one day, and Steve won't have anyone disparaging Nancy and you, not when the two of you are his world. Nancy's not dumb though, notices the way he looks at the little pill she pops in the morning along with her coffee, notices the way his hands linger on your stomach sometimes when he's fucking you while Nancy sits on your face, suffocating you with her pussy. It's almost cute how oblivious he can be sometimes, how unsubtle he is when he really wants something. She brings it up to you first, sitting on the nice lawn chairs out back and tanning, asking you whether you want kids. You nod, say you always have and you think about it lately too but...

After a bit more prodding from Nancy with her hand running over your arm, you admit that you weren't sure if it was a possibility with them, that you've been wondering when they might get tired of you and this all ends. Nancy scoffs and drags you inside to convince you otherwise upstairs in the bathroom, hand between your thighs as you rinse off your tanning oil as she says "How could you think we'd ever give you up, honey?" Then it's her strap in your cunt as she fucks you over the bathroom counter, holding your head up so you're forced to look at yourself as she purrs "You and I are gonna make our Steve a daddy twice over, aren't we? He's not gonna let us rest once we give him the okay, I just know it."

She doesn't mention it to Steve though, both out of choice and because her goals quickly shift to trying to nab this promotion that would move the three of you (yes, the three of you, as she reminds you when you get antsy again over them leaving you behind) to the city instead of this town where you can't be yourselves. Once the promotion goes through though, once the three of you have moved into a big house with two extra bedrooms, that's when Steve comes home one day to find two empty packets of birth control pills deliberately placed on the dinner table. That's when he stumbles upstairs, mind whirling at the sheer thought of what that would mean, to find Nancy lounging in bed with your head between her legs and your thighs spread, ass raised off the bed to show off your dripping cunt.

That's when Nancy glances at him with a knowing smile and says, "Look, baby, our Steve's come home just in time to breed us both."

i can't breathe.

#ask #st spoilers #nancy wheeler smut #steve harrington smut #MY GOOOOOOOOD

528 notes · View notes

teatitty · 4 months

Note

Hello it is me the absolute mess over FionnDiar here for the ask meme: was interested in your thoughts for them with 10, 18, 33, and 34 ;w;

Cracks knuckles oh this is gonna be fun as hell

10: What scares them about entering a relationship?

HAH! WHAT DOESN'T SCARE THEM ABOUT IT! Fionn is always going to be scared of another Sadhbh incident happening and it manifests in him being very clingy. The nightmares around that have never stopped :')

For Diarmuid... man if we listed off all his fears about getting into this with Fionn we'd be here forever. He has everything from the big abandonment fears to the smaller "what if we get bored of eachother" kind. They're both a bit of a mess about it

18: They’re going through something incredibly difficult—perhaps they’re very sick, have lost a loved one, or have gone through a traumatic event. Do they ask for or accept support and care from their partner, or try to isolate themselves?

So this is an interesting one since we do actually know how Fionn deals with this stuff in the mythos itself: isolation. We also know that Diarmuid is more willing to ask for advice from other people if he's close to them [the Fianna, chiefly]. For all that they'd both rather eat their own tongue before admitting they're having a bad time, Diarmuid is the one more likely to brind it up in conversation than Fionn is

Fionn will reject most anyone who tries to give him support or comfort, but Diarmuid is such an important figure in his life he ends up giving in pretty easily and leaning on him for it

33: Under what circumstances would they feel jealous?

Haha. Fionn gets jealous so fucking easily. Everyone assumes it'll be Diarmuid because of the fae thing but no. I made that "you know other heroes?" joke way back for a reason [it still haunts me that I made a mistype error with 'hereos' oof]. Diarmuid gets jealous only when other fae are involved bc of the territorial thing but is otherwise super chill. Fionn.... not so much. When they first came to Chaldea together people just assumed Fionn was a naturally overly affectionate and clingy person since they were always together and Diarmuid had to laugh and explain that no, actually, Fionn is just jealous that he's making new friends and spending less time with him

He calms down after some months have gone by though, mainly because Diarmuid forces him into making some friends himself so he can get out more

34: Under what circumstances would they feel protective?

Pfft. Is "all of them" a good enough answer? There's a never a time when they're not protective of the other. If one of them looks even slightly upset they have to jump in and find out what's wrong. They get injured in a fight? Now it's 2 on 1 you better run. It gets worse when/if they start dating lolol

#auniverseforgotten #asks #fionndiar

7 notes · View notes

conditionaljewel · 7 months

Text

Was having a conversation with dad earlier about the hypothetical chances that we'd win this $1.04b Powerball lottery. I had said he would be better off with the lump sum at once, while I'd be better with the annuity most likely just bc of the length of time I'd have access to money vs his access just because of our ages.

Out of nowhere he asks, "well aren't you... don't you have something wrong (not-derogatory) with you? Your stomach, and your legs and everything else you'd been saying, mom said? Wouldn't you wanna just be covered and get checked out?" It sounded like he was stumbling around saying that I was sick or had an illness and was disabled outright.

And it was odd because, like yes that's all true, right down to the last statement he made and wanting to get checked out completely without worry; I just didn't see how my chronic illness had anything to do with the conversation, first off, but in addition it was further odd -- but also v comforting -- to hear him actually acknowledge my illness instead of just being dismissive of it and thinking whatever he would've normally though otherwise, since I didn't think he was exactly quite aware of ... well, anything regarding my health, honestly. (We never did go back to the lottery conversation, it spiraled out of control from there)

Additionally, I think mom's finally accepting that I'm autistic, or at least accepting that that there's a reason why I am the way that I am. However, I have to admit that it's also just furthering my initial feelings from the past several years that I'm sometimes treated differently by them inadvertently because of it, as (in a conversation with my grandmother) she made it out to sound a bit like my autism was the reason I asked her to go with me to get our hair done this weekend - so that I didn't have to talk to the stylist. (That isn't it entirely, it's moreso that I just still hate going anywhere down here because I don't trust people, buuuuuuut yeah I also don't have anything in common with this guy and conversing with him is like pulling teeth so okay fine point made but still).

So like. It's nice to have them starting to realize these things and taking them seriously, and it was a nice day from that perspective because I have felt like for so long that they've refused to see some of it or just put blinders on and ignored it but like, Idk I just keep stressing that nothing's suddenly changed about me just because I've been able to put some labels to things, and there's nothing wrong with having this disability and illness.

Progress is progress. Just like with being trans its taken some time to get them to see the light but I'm getting there.

#disability #disabled #chronically ill #chronic illness #chronic pain #mental illness #autistic #autism

11 notes · View notes

sunmoonjune · 11 months

Note

SIT TIGHT IM BACK WITH BRAINROT PT.2 HOHOHO

ok ok the moments shared between mingi and bug during his night patrols are sO sweet they literally give me sugar spikes. when bug is hesitant to join him at first and all he does is smile and nod her in the direction of where he likes to nap. and then bug keeps seeking out his quiet but steady presence and eventually finds so much comfort in him that she also falls asleep. mingi is bootiful he's such a sweet gentle giant silently watching over ateez and bug. literally everything about their interaction makes me soft - yeo noticing and telling san that bug is ok bc she's with mingi, mingi hushing san when he walks out bc bug is sleeping, mingi going 'oh' when he realises just how significant it is that bug sleeps around him. bc this reminds me of mingi irl when his members or fans are telling him how precious he is and that he deserves everything and he's always so bashful and literally like oh! really? pls mingi is to be protected from everything

also im trying my hardest not to smile bc im at work LOL but when woo helps bug readjust her armour with the gentlest demeanour i just 🥺🫶 bc i like to think that in a parallel non-au, as prickly as woo is at the start, woo becomes the one who steps forward from behind bug to reach for that jar on the top shelf she can't quite get, he's the one to zip up her jacket and tuck a scarf a little tighter around her to keep her warm, he's the one to walk on the side of the street closer to the cars to keep her safe. woo's actions speak so much louder than his words pls i have so many feels and i haven't reached the chapter where he saves bug from the warg

this is also pulling bits from ltm out of chronological order but re-reading makes me appreciate again how much i love the use of matches and fire as a running marker that notates bug's growth and the milestones that she reaches. for eg there's bug's episode when hwa hums to break through the haze in her mind + bug following yun's voice and touch to resurface from her memories (bug tapping yunho? makes me impossibly soft). there's all eight members of ateez slowly joining the relay of lighting matches to extinguish the darkness in bug's mind. we have yun & bug finally confronting the elephant about his exile at the campfire. then there's bug slowly feeling comfortable enough to join the rest of the boys around the fire. also honourable mention to HWA ????? the way he made sure everyone was always facing the fire but also leaving a space for bug to give her full autonomy to join them should she wish. then later we have bug experiencing her first celebration with ateez and finally experiencing the innocent joys in life like music and dancing. and yeo is me i am yeo when bug SMILES AND RESTS HER SIDE ON HIS LEG

uGh the confrontation btwn the scouting group and the village soldiers got me weak-kneed (im not even going to start on san getting injured bc bestie we'd be here till midnight 💅 or the arvo ig idk time differences be real) ANYWAYS the boys all getting so angry and using their heights and positioning to protect bug Y E S bc we love this duality when normally we see them being the sweetest beans with bug <33

SAN.

'You may have cost Wooyoung his Yunho'. on today's episode of mythbusters: humans are in fact NOT 60% water bc yknow what moonie, i am only 2% water after all the tears that were shed.

CH 13-14 YESSSSS ALSO SOME OF MY FAVOURITES i think 13 was the update that made me discover ltm !!! woo has THE most goated entrance no one can convince me otherwise. from his battle cry to his primal snarls to his protective stance in front of bug *chef's kiss* 🤌🤌🤌 all he needs is his superhero suit. do you see this running theme that my brain automatically goes googly-eyed at moonie. PROTECTIVENESS IM TELLING YOU. and it's the fact that it's woo of all people saving bug. bc i also have this huge thing for emotionally-distant characters having their lightbulb moments and being like hang on i actually like this person i want to take care of them forever.

asdlkfgjkd woo saying 'let's go home' and carrying bug against his chest 💨✨✨ poof that's me disappearing into fairy dust. i swear i had the exact same breakdown about yun carrying bug like his lil baby in my last ask HAHA MY BRAINROT DOES NOT CHANGE 🧠 when you are retired i need a hundred-page thesis studying the differences between yun's hugs and woo's hugs bc the start of ch14 was not enough to satiate my feels. and it would be best if it also included data on the other 6 members of ateez. for research purposes of course

i feel so limbless reading ch14 bc bug resting against woo whilst communicating with her fingers is so impossibly sweet and cute. and then when she hears yun's voice and literally starts wRIGGLING against woo like omg im also wriggling in my seat because i can feel her joy so clearly !!!!!! her tired but happy little taps IM SCREAMING. reminds me of falling asleep in the car as a kid and waking up after feeling that turn just as you reach home. kid is bug, car is woo and home is ateez AMEN <3333333 🙌🙌🙌👏👏👏

can i have a yunho wooyoung sandwich hug too pls. + A YUNHO FOREHEAD KISS 👩‍🦲MY HEAD IS NOW SHAVED FOR INFINITE FOREHEAD SPACE. peep forehead kisses from me to you bc ily <3 thanks for reading through my combined 1.7k ltm brainrot

ONCE MORE I LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH THANK YOU FOR SUCH AMAZING COMMENTARY <33 I am kissing you on the forehead fr omfg <33

mingi was so careful during their first interactions and bug appreciated it SO much :") he became part of her safe space and he didn't even know it until san said something <3 also the way that yeosang already knew because he keeps such a good eye on bug and his partners?? had my heart beating fast fr xD

and OMG it absolutely does remind me of mingi irl <33 he's so precious when he realizes how much we love him :'D

WOOYOUNG <33 he was so gentle readjusting her armor and he so is the guy who does all those little things for those he loves omg my HEART <3 he definitely would be the kind of man who would gently redirect bug to the inside of the street so he could walk closer to the cars and he DEF makes sure she's wearing enough layers and readjusts them so carefully around her so she's warm enough AGH I'M EMOTIONAL,,,

hehe also the mention of fire is definitely one of my bigger metaphors!! in the published edition the title will have to do with fire as well >:D so many their important moments together have been around flame and so much of bug's healing eludes to the matches drowning out the darkness in her soul so it DEF is an important part of this story :D

also yes absolutely an honorable mention to hwa for that sweet action,, he definitely knew bug would approach them on her own, they just had to give her the space she needed to make the decision herself <3 and YEOSANG <33 one day he'd like to teach her to dance (that line is VERY important ;) )

hehe and I totally get the time difference thing xD it seems most of my followers are in different time zones haha xD

them protecting bug (and yun too <3 ) during that scene was so sweet,, they were not going to take ANY slander of them >:)

honestly one of my FAVORITE lines I've ever written was that one: 'you may have cost wooyoung his yunho' was so raw and only hits so hard when you understand the context behind it :") It was so angsty and I honestly only added it as an afterthought during editing but I LOVE it SO much

woo swinging in to save bug at the perfect moment and being SO protective had me blushing and kicking my feet -- I LOVE the protectiveness in writing xD and this was indeed one of woo's lightbulb moments hehe, he realized that he would be DEVASTATED if anything happened to her and so would the rest of ateez :')

AHAHA I will definitely have to get started on that thesis early then xD there is so much more data to collect in order to get an unbiased sample tho ;)) perhaps there will have to be more scenes of it in order to get a good poll >:D

OMG the relation to recognizing 'that' turn in the car ride home and waking up cause you know you're home to Yunho's voice alerting bug that she's home OH MY GOD THAT'S SO CUTE

hi yes I would also like a yunwoo sandwich as well!!! I have a sum total of like 11 dollars and I would risk it all for a forehead kiss from both xD

also peep forehead kisses from me to YOU hehe <33 this was honestly one of the sweetest messages I've ever gotten thank you SO much my dear <33 I will always always adore anything and everything you send so thank you so much again

drink lots of water and take care lovely <3

#moonie speaks #like the moon #moonie's mutuals <3 #moonie's favs <3 #like the moon spoilers #like the moon hints hehehehe

13 notes · View notes

alitgblog · 1 month

Text

vol vi thoughts bc fusebox keeps bringing me back

although we're in casa so ya know.... story is bound to get bad soon after casa

first of all, Hari. im so disappointed with his sprite because I'd so go for him for looks alone otherwise (his hair is nice and hes indian and hes got the rohan sort of physique albeit more muscle-y). but somethings up with his face and his eyes are a little red and his torso is doing the thing Vicki does, so he just feels like a leftover from S7 (and what a shame bc Tyler is drawn so well but barely gets time to impress us in the villa!)

OK anyway personality wise though hes giving nothing. Bombshells gotta cause more chaos and I think he'd be a fine and dandy OG in the real show but he's just kinda here. I mean idk maybe I tapped through his dialogue too quickly but in my head rn he's similar level to Elliot. Elliot I can at least make gamer jokes about and the girls had more to say about him than just: he's hot, and MC should go for him. that being said what I'm about to reveal i did in a few bullet points will not make sense.

The note was obviously gonna be from Jin (your LI), so them dragging it out was a little annoying. And I have personal opinion on what types of things should be gem choices and part of that is having a good enough excuse not to go through with it and I think not reading the note for no reason is not good enough. Anyway I did choose to read the note and it's sweet and references Jin's whole "funny guy but now I'm serious about you" shtick and I just wish they write that a little differently but it's still cute.

Then we get Bea's messages and it's odd bc I can't think of a reason or another season on the show that they dragged out the bombshells arrival like this. Like first of all, they might as well have given a message to Theo as well instead of just Oakley and Hari. But even more than that, why put the messages at all? just to have a cliffhanger at the end of the episode? I think just straight up during the sports day challenge, have someone read a text that a new couple is joining, and then bam it's Jin and Bea. maybe one text from her but the multiple was bugging me.

I also don't know why I got it in my head that Bea was gonna flirt with Theo/Claudia depending on who you flirted with, plus also your current LI but like that would've been a nice addition since I think Theo and Claudia should be done for but they don't make it clear???

Oakley messing with Emel about the drink was funny ngl, but I do miss the routes not merging because it just doesn't make sense to me having Oakley do that. Jack or Jin, maybe, but Oakley is the silent, serious type. Like in my head, he's more like Noah.

There is very briefly a few friendship moments between MC and Theo this volume and in my head they are besties and I wish that was canon/more explicit because I'm not going after him anyway. That way you get the friends who get closer and become lovers storyline from either Theo or Claudia and the other you still get to be friends with.

I'm surprised Claudia and Theo aren't just fully broken up because Claudia is asking for advice and I'm like, did yall not already get that sorted?? it's been so long. One of them should just go for the bombshells.

A chat with Claudia! finally! (albeit a gem scene) I thought we'd get to know more about her but it's mostly just a game of word association which is odd. I will say admitting that MC associates love with Jin made me laugh bc I'm cruel

The girls then say that MC needs to graft on Hari because they're both single and I get the support, but also MC is still getting over Jin lol.

Remember how I said the way I'm gonna play this doesn't make sense? Okay so I decided I needed to create my own mess, just to see if fusebox is gonna let my MC have consequences for her actions. So this is for science, in a way... Okay. So I may have let my MC flirt with Hari. And then maybe she got a sexy massage from him. And then maybe they kissed. What can I say? She's out of her mind without Jin. 🤣

okay no but seriously, in my head she does start to revert to her old ways, her old type, but she knows Hari isn't right for her. She misses Jin but she's not used to having a connection so fast with someone. And when he's gone she misses him but over the course of the day after putting on her brave face, she's convinced herself she's overthinking it. the letter was sweet but it scared her a little. she knows he was gonna ask her to be exclusive and she freaked a little. she just needs a little distraction....

I enjoy sports day but in my head it's usually a late in the show game. Like around in S2 when they have the bird thing happening or the S4 musical (OK maybe not that late, like probably pre baby challenge, but it's generally a challenge with very little drama is my point). still it was fun to have here.

and then of course return of the king, Jin comes back. and with the way I've been doing shit, yes, MC did kiss Hari when Jin entered and ohhhh he was upset.

Bea is cute but playful and still competitive and okay she goes for your couple, but also I get like Chelsea vibes from her (no canon reason why, I just think it's the hair) so love her.

Double date is so fun when your other partner is nearby, like it's almost enough to forget they did the same thing in season 5 because it's so much better this time around.

for fun and for angst I just imagine in the show, mid date they cut to a beach hut scene where MC is like "yeah I had a fun time with Hari but he when he was talking about all the things he wants in a life partner, I kept thinking about how I want that with Jin." 🥺

anyway yeah bring back beach hut

So I'm not a big fan of how they introduced the bombshells and LI return but it's not bad. I just think we could've gotten more time with Jin, Hari, and Bea. It's unclear but I think it's implied Jin, Hari, Bea, and MC are all single and I hope that's true because that way there will be little consequence (as in no sudden dumping) if you or another one of those characters brings someone from casa. because you're not in a couple anyway. (I mean I always hope there's no Dumping immediately after casa bc the arguments are more fun but this is how they've been doing it recently and i think part of that is bc of how they force the routes to merge)

it's also nice we don't get immediately stolen from our partner a la Tom/Cora entrance (or Elliot/Chloe) but it's sort of implied with how the sports day couples went? like I wish there was just a little more time before Casa so it's clear they're all single

or fuck it, give us a recoupling and post casa don't dump the other LI right away if you switch. Like you should be able to make up with your LI or not and it's boys choice and if they wanna keep the slow burn Theo picks last I guess and gets Bea just to also fix the Theo and Claudia together but not storyline. Maybe between your original LI and Hari, one of them picks Claudia (or give us another mlm couple if you're on a Claudia route and let him couple with Theo lmao)

#litg #late bc ive been busy with a paint by numbers 😂😂#litg s8 #rambling #im not gonna proofread this so if its messy thats why

2 notes · View notes

ghosttownwherenoonegoes · 1 year

Note

I relate so much to the not feeling hood enough even for fictional characters. So often when I read a fic I need to literally stop and put my phone down bc they the reader is described as beautiful and perfect is just so far away from how I see myself. And the way Eddie (or whoever the fic is about) is so intensly into the reader and so incredibly turned on and eager when it's smut and also just the intense infatuation when it's a fluffy fic - the way the writers make him think about the reader is almost off-putting to me in some instances bc I can NOT imagine anyone ever feeling this way about me. Like it's so insanely unrealistic that I literally have to stop reading bc he called the reader pretty one too many times.

Oh, honey.🫂

I suppose, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. We're our own worst critics; we fixate on things we think to be imperfect and we tear ourselves down. It's too easy to do, especially when media airbrushes and photoshops celebrities so much that they don't even recognise themselves in adverts! But the people who love us see those imperfections, or maybe they don't because we can fixate on those perceived imperfections and make them seem bigger than they are in reality, but they love us. They love us, so those imperfections don't matter because it's a part of the whole person. It's a part of you and could any part of you, physical or otherwise, not be worthy of love?

I totally understand; I feel the very same way. I can't imagine anyone loving me romantically. I was terrible in relationships when I was a teenager/young adult. I found it so hard to believe that I was worthy of love that I - and I'm not proud of this - actively sabotaged my relationships because it was easier for me to walk away on my own terms than it was to watch them leave me, there's no way they loved me. Now, I've grown enough to realise that I hurt those people by hurting me, and were I to be in a relationship right now, I'd be wiser than I was as a teenager but I'd probably still run it into the ground before it had a chance to go anywhere because I'm not in a place where I'm ready to accept that I can be loved. Platonically, familially? Hell, yes!! I own that love. But romantically??? I wrote myself off when I was twenty. I'm now twenty-five and, I fear, too stuck in my ways.

That includes Eddie, unfortunately. I imagine he'd be embarrassed if he saw how I talk about him, how I look at him, and I think way in the back of my head that we'd be doomed from the very start; we'd never last. And it upsets me, it opens the door for me to rip into myself and I do it well. All in Eddie's name and he would not appreciate that. This is also not something I'm proud of, but it's why I ask for and write about Eddie reassuring and comforting the reader frequently. I write what I want in love and in a relationship. It's the only way I can allow myself to have that comfort but even that's a struggle on my bad days. I'm sorry you feel a similar way to what I do in this matter.🫂💔

But as I said, we're our own worst critics and I'm sure you're much, much more than you give yourself credit for. The beauty of self-insert fanfics is that we get to imagine who we are. Y/N can be you as you are right now, you but with some variation, or an OC or someone else entirely. As you read, it's up to you. We fic writers give you some brain food, essentially, and you get to make up the nitty gritty details. You deserve love, you deserve to let yourself be loved, and you deserve to love. You deserve it all!

I totally understand finding it kinda off-putting, sometimes I need to put my phone down as well and just breathe because no way someone like Eddie would love someone like me (derogatory), right? But I almost force myself to keep reading anyway, because it's Eddie. My love for him overrides my sorta-love for myself and that helps me to believe for that moment, while I read that fic, that Eddie could love me.

I went way off on a tangent here and I'm not entirely sure what my point was supposed to be, so hopefully there's some words in the sauce which resonate with you! I just... I get it, and I'm sorry you feel this way too, and I'm certain Eddie would love you. How could he not? For every reason you give in answer to that question, he'd have a compliment contradicting it!💞

6 notes · View notes

noro-noro-noro · 11 months

Text

limbus company related dream a little bit. idk I'll readmore this off mobile

first we were all on the bus but it was a normal bus as per usual & it was a mix of regular students withthe sinners. I was assigned to be on meursault's team for the recent project we were here to do, but first rraffic was really bad so we couldn't even get close to our destination. it passed by my highschool..my sister was on another smaller bus with some of my old friends from my HS Chinese class & she was texting me updates too.

the project had something to do with this other place? it's a space or is in the real world? hat was a series of small rocky islands out in the open ocean with no other land in sight, & when the tide came in it started raining and the water level increased so drastically that barely anything remained above it - instead, you had to walk carefully along the now sunken ridges. there were npcs there that were dredging for treasure, or solving puzzles, or digging through the sand in some places, or doing research. each island had a different type of fruit tree on it. i had vague knowledge of the locations of the NPCs - I'd been here before. the flailing man was on the cherry tree island. the last guy that I'd found for the achievement talk to everyone was only there during high tide next to a small spire in an otherwise unoccupied sector. I shared this info with a dude also from my HS Chinese class who we can call Brandon.

our project had to have something relevant to those islands. i don't remember what the project topic me & meur picked & I was annoyed w him at first but eventually warmed up to him bc he did want to help he just had a really weird way of showing it. & also fortunately my tendency to talk to myself out loud and ask questions meant that he always answered the questions for me rather than his whole "I'll only help/speak/share my thoughts of prompted" bit, so I felt like we became friends.

anyway we eventually got to somehwere els - some kind of vampire mansion giant university building. there w as a cutscenes at some point that explained the levels of some secret spy society we were part of, kind of similar to fixers but I guess our organization was more secret and underground. the ranks were like 1-3, & then there was a rumor about the "broken lock" rank that was even higher than rank 3 but nobody knew anything about it. rem trigun had also been part of this organization but she disappeared many years ago.

anyway, vampire mansion. somewhat isolated from so society but there was still a city within reasonable driving distance. we were at the top of a snowy mountain overlooking the sea, evergreen trees all snowed onblockong the view. anyway this was not great. the vampires were hospitalable at first & gave us fancy tours of the area, and then they wouldn't let us leave .there were a husband and wife pair. a lot happened before this that I've missed, but we had to do things to ingratiate ourselves with them lest we become meals. I remember proving to the male vampire that I could fight decently after he threw a weapon at me. the weapon was like....a chain with a small rubber corpse at the end that looked like those stupid dogs from that inexplicably popular blue dog children's show. there were still bones & all insife of it but the outside was rubber so I just heard the bones and then wet squelch when swinging it around. at that time he was with me, Sinclair, & meur.

but after a while I managed to escape by faking my sleep in a room they not so surreptitiously locked me in, but there was a screen door + door combo to the outside behind some stacked boxes I guess they'd forgotten about. both unlocked. I wanted to go to the next room and let meur know , but they were doing something to him in there & there was no guarantee we'd be able to find our way back to this part of the mansions, let alone even sleep here again, & if the vanpire saw me it'd be ruined. this opportunity likely wouldn't come again. despite my regrets, I realized that, so I just left.

the wife vampire noticed me immediately. neither of them looked like your typical sexy vampire btw the usband looked like a middle aged history teacher & the wife appeared like a somewhat out of shape 60-70 year old white lady. if you could gender swap Nicolas cage's dad from national treasure. anyway I partially woke up around now & could control the dream so I was just always one step ahead of her. still a scary chase ensued.

I made it to a car is found thekeys for - a large black SUV, & opened the sunroof with my mind so i could leap in & close it behind me. the lady - her familiar, idk what kind of animal it was, banged on the winfows instead, & I peeled outta there in reverse. once I was in the forest I'd created some space so I managed to swivel around & get facing the right way, but I saw her in my rearview mirror flying right at me face all contorted in rage & continued to floor it down the mountain road at night. fortunately she never thought to cut me off.

eventually I realized she probably had a tracker on the car & I needed to ditch it, & presently made it to some cliffside hotel overlooking the beach, first stop towards the city from the mansion, & leapt out of the car as it went over the cliff. I managed to somehow instantly summon a baby pink rental car (small) &slapped a cringe sticker on the back windshield & peacefully headed down the road. I saw the vampire fly into the parking lot where I'd ditched the car by driving it into the ocean but then was afraid to look at her any more. in dreams if I can see it it can see me. she flew off towards the city shortly after & I realized I couldn't go home anymore. I'd have to start over. well, at least she couldn't track my accounts by smell.

there was a bit of a time skip. now I was renting a space in an apartment complex that looked like my elementary school near the junction between the cafeteria/gym hallway, the hallway towards the principal's office, & the 4th/5th/languages & other electives hallway. it was pretty busy but I stopped to check the bulletin board anyway. a few ither people were also checking it there were dramatic anime style namedrops for each of them that revealed they were undercover agents for the same society, in the unlocked tier. and then cut to me - I was also one of them now. I'd figured it out. I'd escaped from the rank 3 fate, though I still felt guilty for everybody that I'd abandoned in the vampire mansion. we had a conversation & we wondered if rem trigun was still above us in this after her disappearanc, & we discussed being found out. then there was a TV announcement about the new sinner IDs & the rose workshop meur was there looking completely terrible as he does & I felt really bad like it was my fault he was so tired lol

#dreams

1 note · View note

no-shxme · 2 years

Note

if you feel like giving a stuck writer advice.... how do you get inspiration when head no work right or produce the right words

hey anon, sorry to hear about mush brain :C my advice is scattered but i'll list what helps for me. it's long because im verbose, i hope you dont mind. skip around or whatever (SOB)

something that might help is literally writing about that shitty writer's block feeling. i dont know about you but when i write i usually have to write towards something. usually i have a fragment of a sentence or scene that i want to get to, or just a mood, etc--as specific or unspecific as possible. Then its simply a matter of spewing enough words to get there. I'm not sure what you're trying to write (or maybe you dont have an idea, i'll get to that) but if you're looking to warm up and loosen some brain cells and you can't think of where to go with your words then you could always write about how your head-no-work. cause that's a very powerful and potent feeling in itself. i dont worry about a full scene or anything, just spitting some words on the page about how im feeling, or a character that's feeling the same thing, is often enough to spark more. i think too often people get stuck in their writer's block bc it understandably SUCKS, but there's often something to be explored there, in a good way.

sometimes to get inspiration or get out of a funk i have to really switch things up. i listen to new music or stuff that i haven't listened to in a loooong time. i'll read a book or a comic or ill go look at some pretty art and see if anything clicks. adding to that, a break can really help. a day or two or a week or whatever where you tell yourself that you're absolutely not allowed to write anything. a break! usually i can do that for a day or half a day and then i'll be good to go. (that's also because i write every single day so writing is very much a habit for me, which helps. if it takes longer then that's okay.)

opposite of this, sometimes i'm especially desperate to get something done so i just brute force it. i dont really believe in only doing something when inspiration strikes, (though inspiration is helpful and so are breaks) so sometimes i just throw up all over the page. the worst dogshit ive ever read. and that's ok, because at least it's on the page and not trapped in your brain. even if it's literally just a summary of what happens in the scene. you can always go back later and add more/flesh it out/etc.

back to idea generating. sometimes if im out of juice i literally just take something i already like (movie, book, trope, for example: indiana jones) then plug characters into it (ff or otherwise), and then just twist said material until it becomes its own thing. usually the characters will do that themselves. for example. if i inserted sett and talon into a jungle traversing indiana jones au i know just based on their characters that there'd be friction, so we'd already be looking at conflicted allies (since i want them to be allies). but then you ask, how would they even be allies in the first place? logically i decide that they must want the same single objective in order to work together in an uneasy alliance, even if i havent yet figured out what that objective is. that's a start. then i can begin thinking about that dynamic and how itd work and how i can still generate tension. thats how i end up with the idea of them handcuffed together, both fighting over the same objective even tho they both don't get along. that was a really long winded way of me saying that sometimes writing character focused stories/fanfiction can get you bogged up because it's hard to get your character to do something. it can feel like a slog. dunno if you're having that problem or not but sometimes i gotta take a step back and figure out if there's a better way for my character to do things. i try not to force anything and think about how a character would actually approach a situation and then a scene pretty much writes itself. for comparison, my train of thought for building scenes isn't "character Y is going to do xyz and abc." instead it's "these are my goals for character Y, now how do they GET there?" and designing the plot around that. which i guess doesn't' seem like that much of a difference but,, imo it's a big one. maybe that doesn't apply to you, in which case ignore it lksfdjjklfsd.

uhh i know i have other tidbits or crumbs or whatever but this is what i can think of off the top of my head. i know those mucky muddy brain times are such a struggle so maybe something here can help. just know that it'll pass, eventually! whether you take a break, brute force it, fight it, etc. everyone's different, don't be discouraged! and remember that even dogshit on a page is better than nothing. there's no rule saying you can't revise your own stuff 15 hundred bajillion times. good luck anon!

#shx answer #long post #i know i word vomit but i hope it helps dsfjkljkflsdajkflsd #or at least is useful in some way #AHHHGHH feel free to lemme know if something else works im curious okay

3 notes · View notes

diamondcitydarlin · 2 years

Text

I s2g we have like an unholy tradition on this site of making up our minds about how a season of a show is going to be before any of it airs and getting preemptively, irrationally angry at the stuff we basically just made up on the basis of flimsy SEO articles that take people's quotes of context and our own grim imaginations. Like, no offense but the n@ndermo tag right now is just a lot of people angry about stuff they've made up in their own heads based on the few hints we've gotten thus far. It'll be something like...idk, we'll hear a trash can is going to be involved in the next season and within a matter of hours there'll be a handful of people that will have decided for some reason that Nandor is definitely going to throw Guillermo into the trashcan and HOW DARE HE DO THAT, AND HOW DARE THE WRITERS WRITE HIM DOING THAT AND HOW DARE- (I mean, that absolutely could happen in an ep but you see my point)

I feel like, on the one hand, it must originate from early tumblr fandom roots, that whole culture back in the early 2010's of latching on to media written by cishet yt men with no interest in what queer audiences want to see or experience (some of whom even felt actively resentful of their queer, poc and younger fans bc they weren't the young cishet yt male audience they wanted to attract in the first place) and being disappointed again and again and again by our own unrealistic expectations. I feel like this created an environment of constantly waiting for the paint to peel, like when is this show going to make it painfully clear they resent us as viewers and not only have no intention of depicting things we'd like to see, but will make an active effort to destroy/invalidate those things? Not a matter of if, but a matter of when.

And I get that, to an extent. We were all much younger then and we didn't know then what we know now.

But like...without naming specific titles, I still see this early 10's blind optimism being put towards newer source material that, to me, is pretty clearly written for a yt cishet male audience and will probably not ever deliver on the queer subplot everyone wants to see, though I have no doubt they'll continue to play around subtly with the possibility until they invalidate it at the last moment by having both male characters get married off to female characters we barely know. I hope I'm wrong! But I don't think I am!

And that would be fine on its own, it's not my place or my business to tell people what to enjoy and how, but it's discouraging when media that is written for a queer and otherwise marginalized audience and has a made a point of prioritizing their perspectives gets held to these ridiculous standards of expectation. Like, it's more than enough in YT Man Queerbait S5 for them to hold each other's gaze longer than a second, but if the gay shows don't stick to the script and have them making out, fucking and married right now, plot and characters be damned, then it's all trash. IT'S ALL TRASH APPARENTLY.

I don't think anyone doing this is thinking that critically about it, which is part of the problem. Either way it's really annoying and I needed to vent about it lol.

#once again: not aimed at anyone who'd be reading this #at least not to my knowledge #most of the time i'm over people beyond the point of ranting #so im taking it as a sign my depression is ebbing that i actually want to rant about this lol

3 notes · View notes

uniformbravo · 2 years

Text

ALRIGHT i guess im liveblogging this now screams

(carry on by rainbow rowell or as i like to call it Gay Wizard Books)

im going back thru what ive already read a little bit a lot bit bc theres some GOOD SHIT back there.... i don't plan to be v thorough w this so dont expect a lot of story continuity or context i just want to yell about the parts that make me scream basically

the story is told from multiple povs in 1st person so every time it shifts i'll note it with the new speaker's name at the beginning of the excerpt

also there'll most definitely be spoilers jsyk!!

---

obligatory book cover appearance (simon on the left, baz on the right, party in the back)

[Simon] Baz told me that for him, it's like lighting a match. Or pulling a trigger.

He hadn't meant to tell me that. It was when we were fighting the chimera in the woods during our fifth year.

oh SHIT ok im glad i went back for this LMAO the chimera story is more significant than this lets on, i never woulda caught this

anyway "he hadnt meant to tell me that" LOL

"Do it, Snow!" Baz shouted at me. "Do it. Fucking unleash. Now."

"I can't," I tried to tell him. "It doesn't work like that."

"It bloody well does."

"I can't just turn it on," I said.

"Try."

"I can't, damn it."

[...]

"Close your eyes and light a match," Baz told me. [...]

"What?"

"That's what my mother used to say," he said. "Light a match inside your heart, then blow on the tinder."

It's always fire with Baz. I can't believe he hasn't incinerated me yet. Or burned me at the stake.

PLEASE simons like look at this asshole BOSSING ME AROUND meanwhile baz is like offering Genuine Advice in a critical moment gjakjgksdg it's like in pnat when johnny tries to apologize for getting max hurt in the hitball game and max is just like LOL NICE TRY ASSHOLE HERE'S THE REAL REASON UR APOLOGIZING-

He used to threaten me with a Viking's funeral, back when we were third years. "Do you know what that is, Snow? A flaming pyre, set adrift on the sea. We could do yours in Blackpool, so all your chavvy Normal friends can come."

"Sod off," I'd say, and try to ignore him.

I've never even had any Normal friends, chavvy or otherwise.

ok first of all baz PLEASE why is that so fucking funny, secondly simon's fucking gjskgjdgjkd LAME ASS COMEBACK "we'll even invite all ur friends to the funeral" "jokes on U i don't HAVE any friends" LIKE PLS

That night that we were fighting the chimera, Baz kept yelling at me until I went off.

We both woke up a few hours later in a blackened pit. The boulder we'd been hiding behind was dust, and the chimera was vapour. Or maybe it was just gone.

Baz was sure I'd singed off his eyebrows, but he looked fine to me--not a hair out of place.

Typical.

LOL he's an asshole AND he's perfect in every conceivable way??? FUCK this guy

(also also later im pretty sure penny says something like "if he knows ur there he'll protect u when he goes off so u don't get blown up" so like lol. lol and lmao baz turns up completely unharmed next to a completely obliterated fucking BOULDER, ON THE DAY HE TRIED TO GENUINELY KILL SIMON,)

Things I miss most about Watford:

[...]

No. 2--Penelope

This spot on the list used to belong to "roast beef."

GGJFOGJGKJDKG YEAH??? desperately wanna know what penny would say to this

The first time I came back to Watford, my second year, I climbed right into my bed and cried like a baby. I was still crying when Baz came in. "Why are you already weeping?" he snarled. "You're ruining my plans to push you to tears."

this fuckin DOOD

(weeping. weeping. this guy says weeping-)

(also they were 12 back then which makes it even funnier baz is SO like

(also wait hold on which one of them the fuck is older please PLEASE i have to know IMMEDIATELY))

"I've told you that his cheeks get really full when he has a nightmare? Like his mouth is filling up with extra teeth?"

simon standing over baz's bedside staring at him having nightmares like

(give it up for my sister's cat btw)

"Circumstantial evidence," Penny says. "And I still don't know why you'd creep up on a vampire who has night terrors."

"I live with him! I have to keep my wits about me."

She rolls her eyes. "Baz'll never hurt you in your own room."

She's right. He can't. Our rooms are spelled against betrayal--the Roommate's Anathema. If Baz does anything to physically hurt me inside our room, he'll be cast out of the school.

good thing baz is a giant NERD

(also "baz'll" is tickling me so much bc it's just. basil)

(im assuming that's how it's pronounced, largely bc that's how they say it in the great mouse detective, the only other point of reference i have for english accents,)

You get warnings when you're young: For the first two years, if you try to hit or hurt your roommate, your hands go stiff and cold. I threw a book at Baz once in our first year, and it took three days for my hand to thaw out.

Baz has never violated the Anathema. Not even when we were kids.

Inch Resting

"Penelope?" She doesn't answer. I lean off my bed and swing my pillow at her legs--that's how close the beds are; Baz wouldn't even have to get out of his to kill me. Or vice versa, I guess.

"I guess"

"Penny."

"What?" she says into Baz's pillow.

"You have to go back to your room."

"Don't want to."

[...]

I get out of bed and stand over her. Her dark hair is spread out over the pillowcase, and her glasses are smashed into her cheek. Her skirt has hiked up, and her bare thigh looks plump and smooth.

I pinch her. She jumps up.

god their friendship is so CUTE i love the two of them so much this is so good ;w;

The Mage nods. "Good." He looks at me for a few more seconds, then turns back to the window, like he's observed everything about me that he needs to. The sunlight catches in his thick brown hair, and for a minute, he looks even more like a swashbuckler than usual.

He's in uniform; dark green canvas leggings, tall leather boots, a green tunic with straps and small pockets--with a sword hanging in a woven scabbard from his tooled belt.

when my older sibling was in art school they did a painting of a pirate fighting a dragon that pretty much matches this description Exactly so from now on until proven otherwise in my mind the mage looks like this:

(simon snow series if the mage had a gun: )

I strip off my shirt and give the gold cross around my neck a rub. I'm not religious--it's a talisman. Been passed down in Agatha's family for years, a ward against vampires. [...] I don't really need to wear it all summer, but once you get used to wearing an anti-vampire necklace, it seems stupid to take it off.

LMAO this is genuinely so fucking funny he really has an anti-vampire necklace. a "fuck you baz specifically" necklace. statement piece

I don't see Baz, but there are so many people, it'd be easy for him to avoid me if he wanted. (Baz normally makes sure that I see him.)

lol lol lol

Baz isn't in our room when I wake up.

I look for him in the dining hall at breakfast, but he's not there either.

His name is called during my first lesson--Greek with the Minotaur. [...]

He calls out Baz's name four times. "Tyrannus Pitch? Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch?"

this fuckin ebony darkness dementia raven way ass-

She waves her hand at Agatha and me. "This is important. Agatha, you know Baz better than any of us. What did he tell you?"

"She doesn't know him better than I do," I argue. "I live with him."

"Fine, Simon, what did he tell you?"

"Nothing

cutting it off here bc it's funnier gdkfldg

simon's NEED to assert himself as the number one baz encyclopedia in this world i SWEAR 2 god

(also oh my god they're roommates-)

I know I should be happy about Baz being gone--it's what I've always said I wanted, to be free of him--but it seems so...wrong. People don't just disappear like this.

Baz wouldn't.

obsessed with the way he's so obsessed w this, PEAK enemies dynamic

"can't wait til this bitch is out of my life forever" *bitch disappears* "WHERE IS HE-"

(also interesting to specify "said i wanted" why would u phrase it like that simon. explain)

"No," I say. "I mean--Baz. Basil didn't come back."

"Ah," she says. "Young Master Pitch. Surely he'll be back. His mother did so value education."

"That's what I said!"

"Well, you know him best," she says.

"That's what I said, too!"

He Knows Him Best

Ebb nods and pets the goat. "To think you used to be at each other's throats."

"We're still at each other's throats."

She looks up at me doubtfully. She has narrow blue eyes, bright blue--brighter somehow because her face is so dirty.

"Ebb," I insist, "he tried to kill me."

"Not successfully." She shrugs. "Not recently."

"He's tried to kill me three times! That I know of! It doesn't actually matter whether it worked."

"It matters a bit," she says. "'Sides, how old was he the first time, eleven? Twelve? That hardly counts."

LMAO LMAO LMAO SHE GETS IT

"I'm just saying--been a long time since I had to spell you two apart."

"Well, there's no point in throwing down all the time," I say. "Doesn't get us anywhere. And it hurts. I suspect we're saving up."

"For what?" she asks.

"The end."

"The end of school?"

"The end of the end," I say. "The big fight."

"So you were saving it, and then he didn't come back for it?"

"Exactly!"

LOL HES SO MAD he said "meet me in the dennys parking lot at 3 am for an ass kicking" and baz said "snzzzzzzzzzz"

The Catacombs sit beneath the Chapel and beyond it. There are probably lots of ways down, but I only know of one.

In our fifth year, I kept seeing Baz slip off towards the Chapel after dinner.

[...]

Penelope only went with me at first, when she still believed Baz might be up to something.

She stopped after a few months. She stopped going to Baz's football matches with me, too. And stopped waiting with me in the hallway outside the balcony where Baz takes his violin lessons.

god. jesus christ. fucking. i swear 2 god. he was really out here like

But I couldn't give it up. Not when all my clues were just starting to come together...

The blood on Baz's cuffs. The fact that he could see in the dark. [...] Then I found a pile of dead rats in the Chapel basement, all pinched and used, like squeezed up lemons.

I was alone when I finally confronted him. Deep in the Catacombs, inside the Children's Tomb. Le Tombeau des Enfants. Baz was sitting in the corner, skulls stacked along the walls around him.

"You found me," he said.

GOD this goth ass bitch was really down here in skull city sipping on rats like Capri Sun every night i CAN'T deal with him he makes me insane

"They died in a plague," he said.

"Who?"

Baz raised his hand--I flinched back.

He cocked an eyebrow and swept his arm in a flourish at the room around us. "Them," he said. "Les enfants."

i really want to imagine that he just. Completely butchers the pronunciation. his dramatic ass sitting there like "the children...... Less En Fance"

He slipped a flask out of his jacket and took a swig. I didn't know that he'd been drinking--my sword dipped. I tried to remind myself to stay battle ready, and pulled it up again.

the hesitation here PLEASE

what does it mean...............

"Stake through the heart?" he asked, falling back into the corner and resting an arm on a pile of skills. "Beheading, perhaps? That only works if you keep my head separate from my body, and even then I could still walk; my body won't stop until it finds my head....Better go with fire, Snow, it's the only solution."

Better Make It Count. Better Hit Me In One Shot

I wanted to just slice him in two. Right then and there. Fucking finally.

But I kept thinking of Penelope. "How do you know he's a vampire, Simon? Have you seen him drink blood? Has he threatened you? Has he tried to put you in his thrall?"

Maybe he had. Maybe that's why I'd been following Baz around for six months.

and that seems like a plausible theory to you HUH ok

(also more hesitation. the Excuses smh hfhghdgh heh hee Hee)

"What if I accidentally Turned you? Then I'd be stuck with your pious face forever." Baz shook his head and took another pull at his flask. "I don't think undeath would improve you, Snow. It would just ruin your complexion." He giggled again. Mirthlessly. And closed his eyes like he was exhausted.

obsessed with this. give me the baz pov on this i wanna know his Exact thoughts at this moment STAT

(this was apparently the year he realized his feelings for simon so i am simply sitting here like Show Me The Truth. Release The Butthole Cut)

I dropped my sword but kept it unsheathed, then stepped out of my stance. "I don't have to do anything," I said. "I know what you are. Now I just have to wait for you to make a mistake."

He winced without opening his eyes. "Really, Snow? That's your plan? Wait for me to kill someone? You're the worst Chosen One who's ever been chosen."

LOL get his ass, after all that internal struggle all he could come up with was "w-well i don't have to do it right NOW, i can do it whenever i want, just keeping u on ur toes lmao!!!!" like ghgkdjgs PLEASE

also thing that drives me insane about them #346

they're sworn enemies that hate each others guts forever right. baz calls simon "snow" bc it's his last name and that's what u do when ur enemies

but NOT ONLY does simon not call him pitch or grimm or what have u but by a NICKNAME???????? not even his first name it's his MIDDLE NAME like it does seem to be what Everyone calls him so sure ok but why simon. what is the MEANING of this

theres even a point later where baz is like "i know he tries to avoid saying my name whenever possible" so then wHY IS HE LIKE. YO WHAT UP BAZ MY GUY

AND LIKE when simon's talking to other people, like teachers and ebb and stuff he always says baz first and then clarifies "basil" LIKE IF YOU SAY IT TO CERTAIN PEOPLE ANYWAY WHY WOULD YOU DEFAULT BACK TO BAZ AGAIN I SCREEAAAMMMMM

even basil is technically a nickname his ACTUAL middle name is basilton, simon goes DOUBLE nickname he calls him fucking basilton twice removed i can't. i genuinely cant

and you would THINK that at some point baz would have been like dont fucking call me that asshole but i GUESS over the last 7 years it never Came Up

maybe simon just started doing it to piss him off (please let this be the reason)

None of it comes naturally to me. Words. Language. Speaking.

I don't remember when I learned to talk, but I know they tried to send me to specialists. Apparently, that can happen to kids in care, or kids with parents who never talk to them--they just don't learn how.

I used to see a counsellor and a speech therapist. "Use your words, Simon." I got so bloody sick of hearing that. It was so much easier to just take what I wanted instead of asking for it. Or thump whoever was hurting me, even if they thumped me right back.

I barely spoke the first month I was at Watford. It was easy not to; no one else around here shuts up.

💖 💖 💖 👑 Nonverbal King 👑 💖 💖 💖

simon autistic thank u

[Penelope] I must frown, because Simon raises his eyebrows and says, "I know, Penny--I'm not going anywhere. But if I stay here, then he wants me to lie low. He wants us to lie low. He says his Men are working on it, and it's delicate."

every time they talk about the mage's Men it makes me laugh so much theyre not just his men theyre his Men, the mage and his Boys, his Squad. cracking open a cold one with The Men

"Do you think Baz is with these other boys?" I ask.

"Makes sense, doesn't it?"

I don't say anything. I really, really hate to talk to Simon about Baz. It's like talking to the Mad Hatter about tea. I hate to encourage him.

BFJGOGUAGKGK YEAH OK

I lean into him, because I'm cold and he's always warm. And because I like to remind him that I'm not afraid of him.

penny is such a sweet friend PLEASE

(simon has rly powerful magic that basically makes him explode all the time so not a lot of people like to stick too close to him)

I raise my wand and cast a "See what I mean!" then start writing in the air--What We Know:

"Nothing," Agatha says. "Meeting adjourned."

LOL AGATHA

She said it felt like touching a raw wire and feeling the electricity shake you from the inside. Raw, scalding, scorching magic...

Which is still how Simon's magic feels. I've never told him so, but it's awful. Just standing near him when he goes off is like taking a shock. Your muscles are tired afterwards, and your hair smells like smoke.

again i just love the sentiment, "i've never told him so" pleaseeeeee

Once, he went off while protecting Agatha and me from a clan of worsegers--like badgers, but worse--

WORSEGERS

I don't think Simon and Agatha are in love.

But it isn't my job to tell them so. (And also I've already tried.)

PENNY

[Agatha] I know that Basil, I don't know...thinks about me. Or at least thought about me. That he used to watch me. Especially when I was with Simon.

UH HUH

I know that he hated what Simon and I have. And wanted it. That he'd do anything to get between us.

U DON'T SAY

Baz was always there, cutting in at every dance. Teasing me away from Simon, then just teasing me. Disappearing. Sneaking away.

oh my god baz PLEASE this poor girl

[Simon] I swear I don't normally lie and keep secrets from my friends like this. It's just--I can't tell them I'm out here looking for Baz.

the thing that kills me about simon's nightly searches is how utterly unlikely it is that baz would actually secretly have been on school grounds the entire time- but simon doesn't know what else to do and he can't just sit around and do nothing so he does the only thing he can do which is scour the Entire school grounds Just In Case

I know that it's Baz's handkerchief before I even see his initials embroidered in the corner, next to the Pitch coat of arms (flames, the moon, three falcons).

THREE FALCON MOON

I know it's his because he's the only person I've ever met who carries old-fashioned handkerchiefs.

miles edgeworth ass-

He dropped one on my bed, sarcastically, when we were in first year, the first time he made me cry.

Sarcastically

(also "the first time he made me cry" YELLS............ deets NOW)

Pitch Family Coat of Arms (colorized)

Agatha can't leave me. She can't leave me for him. Oh, he'd love that--he'd love to have that over me. Damn it all, he isn't even here to have that over me.

She can't leave me like this. She can't leave me.

We were settled. We were sorted.

We were endgame. (If I get an endgame.) (You have to pretend that you get an endgame. You have to carry on like you will; otherwise, you can't carry on at all.)

i kno simon's kinda having a rough time rn but YOOOOOOOO TITLE DROP LETS GOOOOOOOOOO *airhorns* *cannons* *fireworks*

I have to fix this. With Agatha.

I'll say whatever she wants me to say.

I'll kill Baz, so that he isn't an option.

FJGOEIWJGWJGKDG step one: work things out with my girlfriend. step two: Slaughter Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch Where He Stands

"All right there, Simon?" It's Rhys. He's coming up along the path from the library in his wheelchair.

I look up. "All right. Hiya." I'm not all right. My face is flushed, and I think I'm crying. Do my edges look blurred to him? He hurries past me.

LMAO LMAO LMAO rhys like "how's it going!!" and simon "how can i make her love me again *explodes*

artist rendition:

I'm not sleeping this time when I hear the noises.

I'm just lying in my bed, thinking about Baz.

nice

She looks over at his empty bed, and her sadness is so potent that in that moment, I'd do anything to get him back for her. (I'd do anything to bring him back.)

*spits drink* HUH????? U WANNA RUN THAT ONE BY ME AGAIN SIMON. WHAT DID HE MEAN BY THIS

Her face falls. "My son," she says, cold tears gathering in her eyes. "Give him this." She leans forward and presses a kiss into my temple.

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

I close my eyes and pull up my blankets. But the cold is on me, it's in me. "I'll tell him!"

If Baz ever comes back, I will.

[...]

I can't wait to get out of my room in the morning. I run out the door with my tie hanging around my neck and my jumper thrown over my shoulder.

I have no plans to come back. Ever. There's no room for me in there with all the ghosts. Let Baz's mum hang out with his empty bed; I'm tired of staring at it.

im gonna scream im gonna scream he went from "yeehaw i got the whole room to myself baby" to "FUCK this room if baz isn't here" HE WENT ON A WHOLE ASS JOURNEY

like is this genuinely implying that he was gonna fucking. what, LEAVE the school to go looking for that rat bastard himself, deliver the message or by god die trying, or is he just straight up like that's it im sleeping in the forest now ??????????????????? WHAT WAS HIS PLAN

absolutely deranged behavior he cracked. his worst enemy in the world didn't show up to torment him and he couldn't fucking take the peace and quiet

That reminds me. I'm wearing the same trousers as yesterday. I reach into the pocket and feel his handkerchief.

yea hyeah ok yeah neat cool and awesome u know that tuesday morning feel when u just gotta feel ur bros handkerchief in ur pocket, we've all had that moment at some point in our lives RIGHT

"Agatha's not really in love with Baz. She's just looking for something that sticks. It's romantic to be in love with a dead vampire."

"Dead?"

"You know what I mean," Penny says. "Missing. Seriously missing."

Was Baz dead?

[...]

In all of this, I've never seriously considered that Baz might be dead. Hiding, yes--plotting. Maybe even kidnapped or hurting, but...not dead.

He promised to make my life miserable.

SCREAMS SCREAMS SCREECHES AND SCREAMS HELLO???????? HELLO?????????? FUCKING HELLO????????????? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?????????? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN???????? HELLO?????????????? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUHGGAUGAGAUGHGAGHHAGHGHHH ???????????????????????????????

When the figure steps forward, I recognize him at once.

Tall. Black hair swept back from his forehead. Lips curled up in a sneer...I know that face as well as my own.

Baz.

I stand up too quickly, knocking my chair over. [...]

Baz steps towards us.

Baz.

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO MANS JUMPED TO HIS FEET FRAME FUCKING ONE KNOCKED HIS ENTIRE CHAIR OVER HES SOOOOOOOOOOO BAD FOR HIM 💀💀💀

the repetition like he can't even fucking believe it, not Angry or Heart Sinking at the sight of him or ANY of that shit he is feeling one single emotion right now and it's just BAZ

and this happens DIRECTLY after simons like holy shit what if he's dead LIKE baz was gone for EXACTLY the amount of time it took for simon to start getting emo about him LIKE IDK WHAT IT IS BUT SOMETHING ABOUT THAT GETS ME........ it's like that moment when ur just about to lose hope and then at the last second BAM THERE HE IS

it's that TINY taste of despair and disbelief and denial we get a SLIVER of these deep deep deep down emotions that would absolutely never have surfaced had he not been pushed to this point over the course of the past what was it. like two or three MONTHS

he cant IMAGINE a world without baz in it to the point that it simply never even occurred to him like. u know what this is. simon and baz are mortal fucking enemies for seven years straight. attacking and biting and killing and maiming each other, this is their relationship, this is their Status Quo

so when baz doesn't show up to school, extremely uncharacteristic behavior, simon doesn't think "oh my god he's dead in a ditch somewhere," his first thought is "ALRIGHT WHAT'S THAT SON OF A BITCH PLAYING AT THIS TIME"

because this is their Game, if baz is acting out of the ordinary then oh, he must be plotting something evil, his next Evil Scheme to overthrow the mage or do Dark Vampiric Deeds and it's like. the longer this goes on the more desperate simon gets because this IS part of the game, right?? any moment now he'll reveal himself and start monologuing, RIGHT???? RIGHT??????

and the thing about it is he doesn't even REALIZE that's what's happening here, he's just losing his mind more and more every day trying to find SOME sense of normalcy but it's impossible when the biggest constant in his life is Gone and goddamnit if that bastard would just get his ASS back here-

u know in megamind when metroman fucking dies and megamind slowly spirals into madness because what the FUCK we HAD something going u werent supposed to ACTUALLY DIE what the hell am i supposed to do NOW

yeah

fucking beautiful. absolute masterpiece. poetic cinema. Literature

---

ANYWAY so this book is divided up into these hard defined sections and that was the end of Book One!! baz finally shows up and the screen cuts to black, killing me instantly-

i figured these Book sections would be a good way to divide up the liveblog but it also makes it kinda long so if i have more to say in future sections i might divide them up further. i mean i went WAY more into this than i thought i would, i had planned to just skim the parts i'd read already for scenes i wanted to cover but then i just basically ended up rereading it all over again so WHOOPS

so far in my prior reading i've finished the first two Sections of the book and am a lil ways into the third, so the next liveblog will also be covering stuff i've already read, but there's a lot of fun stuff in book two so i'm sure it'll end up being just as if not MORE hefty than this one

i am simply rambling at this point IN CONCLUSION pls read the simon snow series im having an absolute BLAST with it so far AND its gay what more could u need. happy pride

#retag later #hmmmmmm what tag should i use for this series #ss blogging #(i feel like ive used this tag already but i can't find anything on my blog so so be it #ss for simon snow)#or i could come up w a funny lil nickname like w pnat. simon snowmon. snowm'n #tips fedora m'snow #fslgkdjgkdfg ANYWAY #idk why i put so much effort into those doodles i weas really out here like HOW DO I STICK TO THE 180 DEGREE RULE #(still don't know if i technically did it right but everything seems to read clearly anyway SO)#(also i have yet to come across an actual physical description of rhys so this is a PLACEHOLDER ok orz)

1 note · View note