it is all chaos and entropy. the thing is that the chaos and entropy make it beautiful and lovely.
yes, it's true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is terrifying. i have lived through some of the unfairness - i got born like this, with my body caving into itself, with this ironic love of dance when i sometimes can't stand up for longer than 15 minutes. i am a poet with hands that are slowly shutting down - i can't hold a pen some days. recently i found a dead bird on our front porch. she had no visible injuries. she had just died, the way things die sometimes.
it is also true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is wonderful. the sheer happenstance that makes rain turn into a rainbow. the impossible coincidence of finding your best friend. i have made so many mistakes and i have let myself down and i have harmed other people by accident. nature moves anyway. on the worst day of my life she delivers me an orange juice sunset, as if she is saying try again tomorrow.
how vast and unknowing the universe! how small we are! isn't that lovely. the universe has given us flowers and harp strings and the shape of clouds. how massive our lives are in comparison to a grasshopper. the world so bright, still undiscovered. even after 30 years of being on this earth, i learned about a new type of animal today: the dhole.
chance echoing in my life like a harmony between two people talking. do you think you and i, living in different worlds but connected through the internet - do you think we've ever seen the same butterfly? they migrate thousands of miles. it's possible, right?
how beautiful the ways we fill the vastness of space. i love that when large amounts of people are applauding in a room, they all start clapping at the same time. i love that the ocean reminds us of our mother's heartbeat. i love that out of all the colors, chlorophyll chose green. i love the coincidences. i love the places where science says i don't know, but it just happens.
"the universe doesn't care about you!" oh, i know. that's okay. i care about the universe. i will put my big stupid heart out into it and watch the universe feast on it. it is not painful. it is strange - the more love you pour into the unfeeling world, the more it feels the world loves you in return. i know it's confirmation bias. i think i'm okay if my proof of kindness is just my own body and my own spirit.
i buried the bird from our porch deep in the woods. that same day, an old friend reaches out to me and says i miss you. wherever you go, no matter how bad it gets - you try to do good.
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hate to say it, but part of ending the stigma around sexual assault means not assuming every woman blames herself. yes, female socialization encourages it, but that doesn’t make it a given, and the goal of all of these campaigns is to eventually diminish the proportion of women who do blame themselves. it is entirely possible, and increasingly common, for women to experience sexual assault and not feel shame or guilt, which we should be happy about. but instead, there are only so many times you can hear “you know it’s not your fault, right?” before it sounds like “it was your fault”. and there’s only so many times you can hear “don’t blame yourself” before it sounds like “you should blame yourself”. because it feels good to say, doesn’t it? sure, you don’t believe she’s guilty, but you do believe she should feel guilty, so that you can disabuse her of the notion. just something to consider.
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Hello azu, I have a question about the cover of your fancomic "Godfather"!
I like your comic, but I don't understand the symbolism of the mourning frame next to Shane, could you explain it to me?
I just think that the grief of losing his loved ones killed him too, if that makes sense.
Godfather comic
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if you're wondering why I kind of abandoned this blog, there's several reasons (fandom just doesn't feel fun anymore, I'm trying to cut back on screen time, I've been feeling like my faith is in contradiction to what I see/read/interact with on here is for years and years now) but the final straw has been what I see on my dash every day about Israel/Palestine.
I keep seeing people I used to interact with and used to like now peddling conspiracy theories, debunked claims, inflammatory headlines, and even bloodthirsty rhetoric with tens of thousands of notes (when corrections of those posts get ~500 notes at best), and reacting to nuanced conversations like they're calls for hatred, all while turning a blind eye to the very literal vicious hatred or sheer ignorance in many of those big posts. The level of black-and-white thinking is so strong that we are wayyyy past 'us-vs-them,' we're in the kind of discourse where even 'know thy enemy' (being interested in understanding the opposing arguments even just so you can dismantle them) is considered hatred - people can't be bothered to know what they're arguing for or against, nothing short of plugging your ears and screaming for the death of the Bad People is enough. This is a wave of just about the most hypocritical, callous and uninformed 'activism' this website has ever been guilty of and it's too much. I'm done with this.
And yes, this is about antisemitism. You can all shout 'not antisemitic, just anti-zionist' all day long but you have done jack shit to prove you don't hate Jews beside chanting 'punch a nazi' in the same breath you use KKK slurs and cheer for groups that have 'curse the Jews' in their slogan. I trust none of you anymore.
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ok so I post excessively about the wizard now but like hey: thesis statement
i find it telling that despite being a former arch-mage, and despite the whole mystra ordeal, and everything, the main "good old days" memories that gale has to share with the player are all from the distant past- mostly revolving around his childhood or time as a student. you'd think a man with his kind of experience and practice would have more interesting, more recent stories to tell, right? surely an arch-mage does interesting shit?
but he doesn't, and he didn't, because his life entirely and utterly revolved around mystra. his work? finding that piece of karsite weave to return to her, for a multitude of reasons. the overwhelming desire to prove himself to her. the want to be her equal. everything and anything else that possessed him to pursue that book. his relationships? what relationships? his friendship with Tara, or his relationship to mystra herself? there wasn't anything else, he tells you as much- no friends, no lingering names asides from elminster (another one of mystra's chosen) and just vague "coworkers". as far as we know there was literally nothing going on in this motherfuckers life asides from mystra-related stuff for who knows how long.
so instead of impressive tales of long-lost tomes he discovered, projects of his own that he dedicated time to, anything else you'd expect from a fucking insaneo-wizard who can make life-sized interactive illusions at the drop of a hat: you get nothing but a gaping hole of "this is when the accident happened" and the glimmer of a few good memories long before that time. some of the only stories from his life he seems genuinely excited and happy to tell are those childhood ones- ridiculous tales about how he summoned Tara in the first place, set shit on fire as a child, or tried to burgle an important staff as a student. those younger memories are like all he has to rely on dawg. there's nothing else there. there is literally nothing there.
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