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thefanficmonster · 3 years

Text

Real Friends

Valkyrae & Reader (Male)

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: SMAU, Platonic fluff, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Following an accidental and not very consensual face reveal, Y/N’s dealing the sudden shift of the spotlight on him even more than it was before. Being the big deal he is on social media, the internet has every right to be freaking out. Luckily, he’s got a friend to help him cope with it all.

Requested by @iawaythrown Hii! Thank you so much for your request! I’m so sorry for how long it has taken me to complete your request and post it but here it finally is. I’ve never written a SMAU before so this isn’t the classic SMAU format but I still hope you’ll enjoy it! Love, Vy ❤

Imagine you end a toxic relationship of almost a year and go to bed feeling like a ton of bricks has been lifted off you, like you can finally breathe properly and like you’re finally getting a taste of freedom. The very freedom you chose to lose by getting in the toxic relationship in the first place. Of course, I didn’t know it was toxic at the time, probably cause it wasn’t, but it gradually turned into a nightmare.

A nightmare that keeps haunting me even after I thought I had put an end to it.

Apparently, that was wishful thinking cause I woke up this morning to find an unbelievable number of notifications and messages from friends, family and my manager and associates. Being in the music industry as a faceless creator, I keep my circle tight and it only consists of people I can trust so to see them all freaking out at me at once, even the most level-headed ones, freaked me out too. Quickly, I opened the first notification I reflexively tapped on and it opened a post in which someone had tagged me.

A picture taken of me while I was asleep, no doubt one taken by my ex. That being said, I think we can all have a guess at who posted it in the first place. I didn’t listen to my manager when he told me to not allow anyone I trust 1000% into my inner circle. I was foolish and at the peak of my career, feeling on top of the world and feeling invincible which was rare for me. I’ve always been insecure about many things in my life, growing up with a lot of judgy people made me be that way. Not to mention that I didn’t want to be the victim of the internet’s racism either. People turn a blind eye most of the time, but it’s still there, it still exists and looms over all social media platforms, disturbing people’s peace left and right. You see, I didn’t want people to have an opinion of my art based on my appearance or associations with other creators. I’m pretty good friends with many content creators, especially in the gaming industry, but I’ve never wanted to be put in a box as one of the many friends of someone famous. I made a name for myself without anyone knowing who I am exactly.

And now they all know because of this photo that my ex sent to float down the rivers of hungry social media:

Damn am I gonna get an earful from my manager or what. It’s still rater early though and I’m really not about to deal with this drama on a caffeine-free brain so if there are any calls, emails or messages that need answering - and yes, there are PLENTY of them - they’ll all have to wait until I feel like dealing with them. I’m glad I don’t have to keep up this unbothered charade at home since I live alone cause I seriously don’t feel ok with this. I mean, I could probably report it, but what use would that be when my brand now has a face and a huge chunk of my privacy has already surfaced against my will.

As I sit in my kitchen, sipping my coffee, I finally gather the nerve to at least scroll through the notifications that I’ve received. Fans reaching out, relatives, friends, pissed off people that are there just to exist and try to disturb my peaceful existence but all they’re gonna get is a hard DELETE from me. I have offers on top of offers for modeling pending, waiting on my response. I’ve never considered it, being a faceless creator and all, but my manager will definitely want to milk some cash from this too. That thought makes me sigh in defeat. I have no one to blame but myself for trusting my ex. No one made me do it, no one made me let them in, but I still did, fucking myself over insanely. Just like they’ve now fucked me over.

Amongst the sea of notifications and yet to be opened messages, one in particular stands out and makes me do a double take. It’s a message from my friend Rae - Valkyrae, as she’s known online. She’s one of those gamer friends I mentioned earlier, probably the one I’m closest with. Her and I talk on the regular so seeing a message from her in my inbox is nothing unusual so I wonder why that was the one that stuck out to me. Regardless, that’s the only one I feel like opening and replying to at the moment.

V ~ Hey Y/N, you doing ok? This all must be really hard on you so don’t feel obligated to reply. Do so when you can or want to. I’m here if you wanna talk

Of course Rae would be the one to know how I truly feel in a situation like this. I can act and cover up all I want but she knows exactly what’s underneath the surface of my façade. That third eye friends have for each other, it’s incredible.

Me ~ Doing ok. Wasn’t expecting to wake up to this but now that millions of people know what I look like it feels oddly bittersweet, you know? Like I don’t have to go out of my way to hide anymore but I’m also gonna miss that privacy I had while I was a phantom

Me ~ On the upside: people want me to be a model now XD

My message goes to Seen almost write away, the Typing icon appearing shortly after the messages were read. I wait for Rae’s reply, sipping my slowly cooling coffee with little interest due to how invested I am in our conversation. If there’s a person who can make light of this situation, it’s Rae, no doubt about it.

V ~ I know what you mean. It’s not gonna be easy to adjust to but you will get used to it eventually. I’m sure you’ll even grow to like it. Promise you, it’s not that scary to be exposed, there’s literal millions of people who support you wholeheartedly :)

V ~ Us, your friends, are here too! Never forget that, we’ve always got your back, Y/N!

V ~ Oh and you really should be a model! Whoever’s saying that has got the right idea. Maybe don’t fear this new change, but embrace it! Take this new turn in your life confidently. Sure, it was out of the blue, but do you really want the person who exposed you to feel the satisfaction of bringing you down? That doesn’t sound like you at all tbh

The epiphany strikes me as soon as Rae’s words sink in as I read them. She’s 100% right. The last thing I want is for my ex to think they’ve won. I refuse to give them the pleasure of tasting victory on the expense of my mental health and career progress. In fact, imma show them just how much they benefited me. But first...

Me ~ Thank you so much, Rae. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this eye-opener

Me ~ I owe you one <3

I sure as hell owe her one, but for now I have other battles to win.

Rifling through my gallery, I find one more recent picture and without a shred of doubt or hesitation, I go straight to Instagram to post it.

~ “Since y’all were curious...And since y’all wanna see me model, you’re welcome” ~

Within seconds likes and comments start flowing in like a riptide, taking over my phone that, despite being charged all night, is already at half of its battery life.

I refresh the page with the post to look at the new comments that have come through, all supportive and complimenting me, some are real thirsty and some are incredibly kind. And even in that sea, her comment still sticks out to me, making me grin like an idiot.

“That’s what I was talking about! Work it, Y/N!“

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dildo-swaggins-t-baggins · 4 years

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Rodimus writes a list of all the reasons why he hates Thunderclash, then leaves it in his desk drawer. One of the others sneaks into his room, finds the list, and reads it over the ship's intercom system. Rodi is furious - not only has his privacy has been violated, but everyone is focusing on the fact that he "said" such nasty things about Clash instead of WHY he "said" them (since he mentioned all of his insecurities and the fact that Clash is so much better than he will ever be in the list).

Howdy, so first time doing this, and kinda excited but still nervous, let me know what you think! I also wanted a bit more angst being that I have no self control.

Lost Light, a ship full of mechs who had fought through 4 million years of war, highly qualified for anything the known and unknown universe would throw at them. But then again being on a ship for so long could only result in some sort of ‘horseplay’. For the most part the day was as normal as ever, simple routine, checking the mission log, and progress. And then it happened, it felt like he was going 100 mph and slammed into a concrete roadblock. The ship’s internal speaker screamed to life, halting the crew, every mech stopped and listened. Rodimus’ peds slammed into the floor so hard that sparks shot up, Drift did the same and they turned to the tiny wall speaker. “To the crew, a tiny memo from our beloved captain,” The speaker whined as the mech cleared his intake. “‘A list of what I hate about Thunderclash:”

He couldn’t tell what happened first, if his optics popped out of his helm, or if he changed into his alt-mode and flew down the hall. Drift was right on his bumper the whole way. “1:Thunderclash has this horrible paint job, what did he do? Blindfold himself and chuck a bunch of darts at a color wheel?Not only that but red? Red optics? Wow that’s sooo friendly, 10 out of 10, goes with the slag color scheme.” They passed Swerve and Ten who almost dropped their new shipment. “2: Why is he even a ‘hero’? So what, you were shot in the spark and lived, who hasn’t been shot in the spark? I don’t understand why everyone looks up to him? He’s just like everyone else and has a bad paint job.” They drifted around the corner, scaring Brainstorm, who attached his harness to the ceiling and lifted himself out of their way. “3:And then there’s this stubborn ‘fan club’, always following him around, stalking him, kinda feel bad for the guy, like hello? Give the poor mech some space to at least walk?” They slid into the lift Drift typed in the code, tapping his ped. “I’m thinking whoever is behind this, they’re going on the next mining shore leave with Megatron.” He hissed. “Why’d you write that?” Rodimus’ engine roared, praying to Primus that the lift would just move a little bit faster! “I couldn’t recharge that one night when I was paired up with Thunderclash on shore leave, and I had a quick com session with Rung, and he suggested I write down what I don’t like. Kinda helped me out. It’s not supposed to be read out loud.” The lift came to a stop and as soon as the doors were open enough for Rodimus’ alt-more to fit he floored it. “But that’s not the worst thing about Thunderclash, I think the absolute worst thing would be his oblivious nature. It’s bad when he hardly notices everyone falling onto their knees to kiss his aft. But it’s really bad when he can’t simply read the signs.” “Frag, frag, frag.” Rodimus hissed, spotting the captain’s office just ahead, a group of mechs jumped seeing his frame speeding right towards them with no indication of stopping. He started taking names of all of them, let Megatron sort them out. “I get it, honestly, he’s got this stupid puppy love crush on me, and it’s honestly embarrassing that he can’t simply take a very, VERY, clear ‘no’.” The mech snorted. “It’s kinda pathetic, thinking that I would be caught dead with that-” The door opened when he sent the code, changing into his root-mode and using his servo to catapult himself, then landing on his peds and front flipping into the office. “-the absolute wreck of a Prime.-” His ped smashed into Getaway’s golden battle mask, Getaway was thrown to the ground Rodimus’ peds firmly planted on his helm. With a flick of a digit he shut off the internal comm system, and turned his attention to the mech under him. Getaway was knocked out, then again having your helm slammed into the floor so hard that it creates a mini creator can do that to a mech. Rodimus spun around seeing a sea of not so happy optics glaring at him. “Frag.” He ducked as an empty cube was thrown at him, Drift sliced it in half and shut the door. Rodimus sunk behind his desk, wondering if the door was going to hold, and what to do with a knocked-out Getaway?

______________________________________________________________

He vented again, his whole system wheezed, peeling open his optics once more with a slight inhale. His systems reported that he was dangerously low on washer fluid and that was bad, and he didn't want to replace his ‘friendly’ optics anytime soon. With a huff he pulled himself out of his berth, rubbing his faceplates, he could still feel the moisture that clung to his cheek plating. Nothing like doing a double shift and getting ready to recharge and then you hear everything one of your captains hate about you being broadcasted over the whole ship. It felt like another fusion cannon to the spark, but this time it was Rodimus pulling the trigger. With a vent he pulled himself to the washroom, giving himself a good splash of cleaning fluid to the face. Then he stared at himself, eyeing his white orange, gold, blue and light teal, and to top it all off, his flashy decal. Admittedly the whole speech hurt, and he could grin and bear it, but what hurt was the last comment. “‘It’s kinda pathetic, thinking that I would be caught dead with that absolute wreck of a Prime.’” He quoted his captain, feeling his spark plummet again and his optics sting from the lack of washer fluid. “I-I suppose it is ‘puppy love’.” He forced himself to smile. “I’m sure the crew-no my…’fan club’? Is giving him a hard time.” Thunderclash vented turning away from the mirror. He jumped hearing a ping at his door, giving himself a quick shake, and trying to put on a tired-looking face, he opened the door. Riptide and Velocity briskly stepped in, Riptide pulled him back into his hab while Velocity glared out the door and locked it behind them, his two blue friends spun around and stared at him. “Did you hear it?” They both asked at the same time. “Honestly? Yeah.” He chuckled, it was dry and hurt his intake. “Thunders, honey.” Velocity pulled him into a hug. “Don’t you mind that.” Riptide patted his back. “Yeah, don’t let that get your down, alright?” Velocity pressed a kiss to the side of his helm. Riptide fell onto his back giving him a strange but loving hug. “Yeah, don’t let yourself get wrapped up in that.” He smiled. “Thank you, both of you. I’m more worried about the captain.” Velocity grit her denta. “What?” “Why?” Riptide asked his rudder snapping back and forth. “Well, it’s no secret that I’m more liked and my ‘fan club’ is going to be coming for his helm. Not only that but he’s the kind of mech that will beat himself up over this.” “Oh, so what are you planning on doing?” Riptide asked. “I was thinking if there was a way to tell the ‘club’ to leave it? And if he asks about it I’ll just say I was in recharge.” Thunderclash shrugged. “And I’ll just leave him alone, give him his space.” That did hurt, like stepping first into acid, he didn’t mean to crowd the captain, he just wanted to know Rodimus a bit better. Normally watching him from afar, and now he would just not watch the brilliant captain in action. “Oh well, I’ll be fine.” He grinned as it felt like another shot tore through his spark.

#mtmte rodimus #rodimus #Thunderclash #rodiclash #thunderod #angst #ask #Ask Me #I have no idea what I'm doing

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mytwitterisdogtoast1 · 3 years

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Who is the best Dead Island character?

I know the game has been out for god knows how long now (9 years) but oddly enough there is no real place to find out who the best dead island character is. So as a person who has played the game to death on 3 different consoles as well as riptide, getting every character up to max level using both fury and not fury I’m going to throw my hat into this non existent argument and finally say who is the best character in dead island. Firstly I am NOT a fan of the fury system. I never used it in the first game and only used it in the second one because I ran out of things to get on the combat and survival trees. Even now, I would much rather actually just use those trees because in the end, fury is fine, but just not my thing. So let’s make this argument based on specifically the combat and survival trees and how each character is meant to be built. However, I know people actually would be “outraged” to not hear me put my idea on who has the best rage ability so I’ll at least delve into who has the best and the worst. So for me the best is Logan and the worst is everyone else for different reasons. So the reason why Logan is the best is he can do ranged attacks and hit 2 people at one time and deal a shit ton of damage to any style of enemy. It’s just an overloaded ability. The reason why the other 3 are about even is this, Sam has to get into really close range which is fine, he will heal. Purna gets a gun which in this game, guns are actually not that great. Lastly Xian Mei is pretty frail and her weapon in general has no distance to allow you to attack the zombies. Now in certain circumstances sure, they are fine and Purna does really well against humans but your rage should probably be used on something like a hoard and hoards of humans is a little lacking and when they show up they are spaced a little bit apart and that just makes it not worth the effort when you can just aim and shoot them in the head EZPZ. Now on to who the best characters are and why. I’m going to write these in the order who I think is worst to best. A lot of people would disagree with me on this but again, we’re not talking about anything other than combat and survival. The game isn’t hard enough on any character to really need fury and again, I personally do not like the feel of it. So with that in mind, here is the first character on our list. Purna - I can hear that anger and hate and backlash from the non existent group of people not reading this. You see many people think Purna is this amazing character because she uses guns and also deals more damage with her survival tree. I’m not so sure on that one. Yeah she does boost peoples numbers but half of that is taken away if you don’t play with people and the other part is for a gun character she kind of gets shafted. Lets compare her to the others in a sort of way. See logan, He’s kind of the person she has more power than. Logan in his normal build without taking into account his main style of play deals less damage than Purna because she has 2 upgrades total that power her main weapon. Guns. The second is she has knives which allows her to deal more damage with a rarer weapon type in the beginning of the game. Knives are in general not easy to come around at first and even then they are in general lacking in the whole “being useful after one strike” department. Sure I’m being hyperbolic on that part but still, Knives and blades kinda die easily. Yes she does have an ability to raise the endurance on her melee weapons but let’s face it. It’s all about guns. So what’s wrong with that? Well, Let’s be honest. Guns kinda suck dick in this game and to top it off they’re rare in the first act and only really show up in the second act on. Now the second part of that is ammunition is also kind of even more rare. You can make ammo in some cases but you need the items, and be later in a play through and by then, well, you should have enough chances to get ammo that you don’t need to craft it and with the dlc you can just go buy it when you need it at the “arena”. So what else does she have in her offensive skill tree? Well she has the ability to gain stamina when she kills someone, oh be still my beating heart. A gun user who can replenish stamina. What a great combo. Gets real tiring to pull that trigger I am so out of breath thinking about it. Don’t get me started on the stamina lowered when you fight a horde of enemies ability since we all know how much those guns need stamina. Next is the fact that in general she will deal overall less boosted damage from her abilities that she uses to upgrade her primary form of combat. Yes, I know she has a skill that boosts her boosts but let me get to that in a moment. She has several things like increased elemental effects on attacks, critical hit chance, decreased reload time and bullet penetration boosts. Those are ok, but are we really not using the shot gun to fight hordes of zombies or using a single bullet from a gun who just shocks people or lights them on fire? Her offensive skills lack in areas where they should be focused on guns. Yes she does have a skill that deals more damage with modified weapons but to be fair everyone does. Her survival tree is lacking as well in that she doesn’t have the ability to survive like everyone else. Everyone in the game has the ability to augment their healing. Purna? She can instant revive sometimes after death. What does this do? It cuts 7 seconds off of your wait time in death. How cool is that? It’s not. Just wait 7 seconds. The rest of the kit? Let’s take a look. Repair cost and durability is up on weapons. After I get to max level on Purna I generally stop using melee on weapons. I generally just shoot everything since I can always get ammo no problem. I will either make it with my excess stuff or I’ll but it outright. So fixing things is never a thought. All increase XP abilities are worthless and should never be taken ever. This is again one of the reasons I don’t like fury. I can get XP from missions and playing. I don’t need your dumb weapon for 10 seconds and an XP boost. She has a chance to not stop attacking but if you are ranged like a gun user would be than you don’t need it. Then you have a better chance to find rare loot and lastly, you have make, find and carry more bullets. These are her main things to use. As I said, there just isn’t enough here. (one important note to put is that she also has an ability to deal more damage to men, and as great as that is, it’s not going to win any favors. It’s great because all the special zombies are all men and half the enemies in the game are all men, and all the humans you fight, are all men. Xian Mei - Xian is a fun character to some degree and as much as I like the idea of her being an assassin/doctor I find that she still somewhat lacks. See like Sam she wants to wield 2 handed weapons because there is enough force for her to actually chop limbs off which is her main thing but we all know there are enough mods to give B the ability to also do that. So her biggest boon is actually no longer there. Her combat tree is pretty good in that it actually has things to use for Damage, Damage, and more damage. You can deal straight up damage. You can do Dots AKA damage over time with bleeding and in general poison which is what most blades do. Lastly besides her bad skills that aren’t even worth looking at she can insta kill sometimes but very rarely and she can also deal more damage to people who are almost dead. On the opposite side of the coin she heals for a massive amount of health with med kits. Almost 2X the amount when you use one. However, she does lack in this department for a reason. In general she can be harder to kill with her spectre ability but in general Med kit’s are hella expensive and a little rare sometimes. Yes you will get enough but let’s face it. You are frail with Xian and getting in super close with early game knives is not always the best. Later in the game she’s fine but her lack of defensive skill tree abilities is the main problem for her. Logan - Logan is usually seen as the best besides Purna for his damage, But his utility is actually where it is at. As the jack of all trades he can do everything and the most important part in this game that is passed over is survivability. Yes I know Sam and Logan are kinda “easy” but here is the thing. Survival in this game is what it is about. Dealing more damage? Survive easier. Healing more damage? Survive easier. Buying and selling and getting more money? Survive easier. All skill trees are to make you better. Some just are better at it. Logan can just do all of this but not as well as Sam. But what can Logan do is the real question. Firstly he has the range down of Purna. The thing is, that I’m pretty sure he can throw farther than she can shoot. Mostly because he has a farther distance than others with his throws. Sure he can use guns, but let’s face it. Throwing is what he is meant to do and guns are better on people than zombies. His weapons are also meant to be bladed so they have a chance of in general doing a shit ton of damage as well as cutting limbs off. Sometimes you can cut a head off and insta kill a zombie. Next, he deals more damage with knives when he throws them and in general because he does one handed weapons better than anyone else. Also he can crit pretty much half the time with each throw. Now for survival he’s got it all. A chance to get back his weapons half the time and lastly he heals from one of the easiest items to find in the game. Alcohol. Now in general the being drunk part isn’t all that bad. Just stand still and you’ll be fine, and even fighting when drunk isn’t the worst. Lastly he also can have one of the highest or the highest health and stamina in the game with his ability to just outright get stats from abilities. This is why he is in second place. Sam B - Why is Sam best? Besides his killer music he has the best kit in the game. When you start out you will be finding blunt weapons easier than anything else. Sam uses those and boosts his damage for them. He already increases his weapons already high endurance. He also has one of the best and most important stats on his side. Force. Force breaks bones, and cuts off limbs, With a bladed weapon on a heavy force stat you will be shredding limbs like no other. Almost all of your important abilities are going to boost damage and endurance with your weapon making you a force to be reckoned with. However his main appeal is in his survival tree. You have built in healing. Every minute you are just doing nothing or out of combat you heal 20% of your health. It’s not a high number but it’s pretty damn good since it’s always on. What’s better is that you also soak damage up with abilities. At most you can stop a total of 75% melee damage and guns deal 78% less. That with your ability to heal will keep you going for a while. Sure it can be a little “boring” to some who in general don’t want easy mode. But we are talking about the best kit here. That’s also the main thing people would argue against this. Liking a certain kit and finding the difficulty of the game with certain characters to be what they desire. It’s fine to like the guns of Purna or the ease of play with Sam. Either way in the end all that really is important is that we love this game even through all of its faults.

#dead island #sam b #purna #logan #xian mei

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hallelujuh · 5 years

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shay’s favorite albums of 2018

10. Hivemind by The Internet - TI are insanely underrated and definitely helped me remember how much I adore R&B music. I literally love the bass lines so much - I’ve learned about half of the ones off this record, honestly. Syd’s vocals are amazing as ever, seamless and sexy and gorgeous, and I just, I love R&B music so much, gotta get into more soul shit. Favorite track: Bravo.

9. Sweetener by Ariana Grande - Somehow Ari flew under my radar for years; I simply did not care about her, and rarely heard her music on the radio, let alone sought it out. But some friends succeeded in getting me into it, and now I respect her as a singer and a person. She’s been through hell, and I admire her strength. Not to mention she’s incredibly talented as a singer. I have a hard time with pop records, because of the lack of substance and depth, but this record is a look into a person I think we’d come to forget was a person at all; it’s all her feelings, her heart on her sleeve, and it’s awesome. Not to mention her voice is literally so damn pleasant to listen to, I could fall asleep to it, haha. Favorite track: Successful.

8. Dirty Computer by Janelle Monae - Miss Monae literally has so much going for her. She’s so immensely talented at everything, and after her success in the film industry, it was nice to witness her return to music. Dirty Computer is fun, personal, and reminds you that Janelle deserves a lot more attention and admiration as a musician, because she does some really innovative and unique stuff that is always something special to behold. She’s a damn good rapper, too, and the accompanying short film to this record was really cool. Favorite track: Screwed.

7. Pray for the Wicked by Panic! At The Disco - After being a fan for literal ages, I finally saw Panic this year, so that was pretty damn cool. Pretty much DoaB Part Two, but that’s not a bad thing. The music is fun, Brendon’s vocals are as awesome as ever, the production is smooth as hell, and the songs were a damn blast live. A little too uppity for me, but several of the songs have been on replay at times. Favorite track: One of the Drunks.

6. Trench by Twenty One Pilots - I have a love-hate relationship with 21p, and I’m not emo anymore, so I nearly didn’t even listen to this record, but I did, and I, grudgingly, liked it very much. It doesn’t deviate significantly from the sound of Blurryface, but incorporates a lot more bass in (which I appreciate, as a bassist). It’s also notable this album was lighter in tone, at least sonically. That’s nice. Had a bit of punk, in there, a New Wave sound, almost. Pretty interesting. And deep subject matter. I wish this band hadn’t been spoiled for me. Damn. Favorite track: Bandito.

5. Queen by Nicki Minaj - A truly fitting title. Nicki’s always exuded a majestic sort of power, a confidence, strength, and sexiness we all can admire, and she’s never faltered in that, but she’s definitely at her top form here. Favorite track: Barbie Dreams. The Biggie-sampled beat makes an already awesome song even better. This is essentially Nicki’s Control; honest, biting, but also wonderfully comedic and light-hearted. I will literally never forget listening to this for the first time, absolutely awed at every rapper she managed to playfully go at, and how clever each sneak-diss was.

4. KOD by J. Cole - Cole’s been my favorite for years, and each of his recent albums have resonated with me deeply because of how genuine he comes across, even when he’s rapping about the typical things a rapper might rap about. Somehow Cole does it in a unique way and always makes it his own, so I never tire of the same topics. And he’s real, real as fuck; unapologetic and confident, but not assholish or excessively cocky. I really applaud him for that. Favorite track: 1985. Cole’s proudly embracing the fact that he’s not a youngin in the rap game anymore, and taking the role of a older figure, a wise one who advises his younger peers to reconsider their careers and their admittedly slim chances of remaining relevant. It’s brutally honest, harsh but not cruel, and absolutely admirable. Not the mention the beat is chill as fuck. Whole thing gives me goosebumps; easily one of the highlights of Cole’s career.

3. Kamikaze by Eminem - Okay, I’m a former hardcore stan who’s turned critical in recent years, but this record fully blew me away. Marsh got relevant again! With the dope flows! Damn! One of my favorite parts of this record was the reactions - watching people remember that Em is not one to be fucked with. Not to mention the now-iconic MGK beef. What a bunch of horseshit. Killshot totally roasted the dude, though. Favorite track: The Ringer. What a way to open a record! Holy shit. I re-listened to this one repeatedly because it was so unexpectedly incredible, with the way the flow is changed up frequently, and the wordplay never falters, clever as ever. Renewed a lot of people’s faith in Em’s abilities, I think; myself included.

2. Iridescence by Brockhampton - In last year’s post I said how excited I was for what the future had in store for BH; and boy, was this year a good one for them. On this record, despite the absence of Ameer, they hold their own without him; Matt, Joba, and Dom even seem to step up to the plate, in fact, and each member spits fire, so that the manic energy from the Saturation Trilogy remains. Said trilogy helped them establish their winning song-writing and production formula, and this record polishes it. Favorite track: Weight. Absolute goosebumps. The whole track has an otherworldly energy, but the transition from Joba’s verse into Dom’s is especially visceral. Joba’s holds an enthusiastic nihilism of sorts, and optimistic perception of life’s pain, while Dom’s is deeply depressive and harrowing, his voice full of a hurt and his words holding a wisdom beyond his years. It’s a beautiful track, through and through.

1. Post Traumatic by Mike Shinoda - This album pretty much saved me this year. I’m very thankful to Mike for putting his feelings to music, because these tracks helped me sort out mine, and I connected to each individual song in a way I haven’t in a long time. I would actually kill to go to a show of his; it’d probably be somewhat of a spiritual thing for me, considering how deeply even the studio versions resonate. Favorite track: Hold It Together. I literally love every song on this album (except IOU...), and each is uniquely special, deeply personal, and beautifully resonates, but this one stands out for some reason. I think that breakdown towards the end adds a lot. Some other favorites are About You, Ghosts, Make It Up As I Go, and Running From My Shadow. And there’s not even words for Brooding.

honorable mentions

Expectations by Hayley Kiyoko - This one very nearly made my list, but Hivemind ending up dethroning it. It’s a great debut, full of gay bops that really kicked off 20gayteen well, I’d say. (Favorite track: Wanna Be Missed. Fun fact: My most listened song for all of 2018.)

Mania by Fall Out Boy - It’s unfortunate that my long-time favorite band didn’t make the list, but I just couldn’t get into the sound of this record. (Favorite track: Sunshine Riptide)

Bloom by Troye Sivan - He’s so big now! A big boy! I’m so proud of how far he’s come. I wasn’t as big on this album as I was on Blue Neighbourhood, but it’s still a solid sophomore record. (Favorite track: Dance to This)

Be the Cowboy by Mitski - Mitski’s sound is an aquired taste... I’m still not entirely in love with it, it’s so otherwordly in a jarring way? But I applaud her innovation. (Favorite track: Nobody)

extended plays

they’re too short to be included in my top albums, but i wanted to mention them anyway.

Lake Effect Kid by Fall Out Boy - The Chicago fuckers strike again! While the themes took away from the, uh, relatability, of the music, they’re still solid tracks that deviate from their earlier 2018 effort in a pleasant way. (Favorite track: Super Fade)

My Dear Melancholy by The Weeknd - Abel is one of my favorite musicians of all time (and was my most listened to for two years in a row) and he’d never disappoint me. MDM is sad, harrowing, and visceral, proof that Abel continues to be one of the best artists of this decade. (Favorite track: Call Out My Name)

#2018 #mine #txt

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mark-xeen · 6 years

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Top 10 Unpopular opinions of IDW Transformers

This week to start off the countdown for the end of IDW I created a list of the top 10 unpopular opinions I had with the series. please be aware that these are just my personal silly opinions. And if you liked them or not. Then good for you for finding something I, myself couldn’t find or understand.

Warning it’s very long

1. I did not find TAAO all that enjoyable to read.

Do not get me wrong, TAAO is a decent series. I just couldn’t really get that into it. I have a couple reasons why I didn’t enjoy it:

Reason one (and the main one)- I’m not a big fan of stories revolving around politics. I just never find these sort of stories interesting and TAAO, which is a continuation of the Windblade series, is a story revolving around the politics and government of Cybertron, albeit with some good moments, similar to ex-RID and its continuation Optimus Prime.

The second problem I had with the series was that it did a lot of “tell don’t show”, where we are told through character POV narrations and dialogue that certain characters or actions are good/just or bad/evil, but aren’t given much proof or present day story events or arcs that cement said claims. For example, with Elita-One we’re told she’s dangerous and shouldn’t become leader of Cybertron, but has barely done much of anything to prove these claims except being intimidating and saying “half-truths”/letting people believe lies. While these actions do raise caution, they don’t make her any worse than any other leader *cough*OPTIMUS!*cough*.

The third problem I have with the series was the ending. Yes, I know the series was being cancelled by executives, but the ending with Windblade winning the election didn’t feel earned. While she was the least twisted of the candidates, but she never truly developed past or overcoame many of her flaws that she started with to become the leader Cybertron and, by extension, the colonies. Also, she only won through Starscream’s self-sabotage. While some of these problems could have been fixed if the series wasn’t cut short, I felt Scott should have handled the ending a bit better.

2. I don’t like Windblade

I know I’m going to be bashed and hated for this one but please hear me out. First I am a girl, a non-neurotypical girl with high functioning autism, but a girl none the less. Windblade’s gender and looks never bothered me- yeah, it was different, but not bad different. My issues with Windblade are just how the story treats her and her character.

In term of character, Windblade’s personality and morality/standards are all over the place. Though she is shown to be kind hearted and compassionate, Windblade has been shown to lie, cheat, and perform actions outside the law and authority only when she feels it’s necessary. Yet if somebody else does anything even remotely similar, she will condemn them for it. To describe her morality, it’s a subjective morality with double standards. For example: When Optimus went against the council to free the Joes [HA2] in order to save Cybertron in First Strike, Windblade condemned him for it, but during the TAAO annual she also went against the council to tell all of Cybertron about Liege Maximo. It also doesn’t help that Windblade easily forgave Chromia for not only bombing and killing a few people, but also for trying to teleport Metroplex to Caminus which would’ve killed hundreds if not thousands of Cybertronians as a result.

These issues with her character wouldn’t be as bad if the story didn’t gloss over it. This is where my main issue actually comes from: For every morally questionable thing Windblade has ever done, the narrative treats it as a good or necessary thing and she never truly faces any potential consequences from them. The worst thing that happened to her personally was Chromia going to jail and being tried for her crimes. Things like her cover up or her cheating in a race would’ve had big consequences if they were done by any other lead character. And, let’s be honest, if Bumblebee, Optimus Prime, or even Ironhide did even one of those things that Windblade has done, they would be chewed out by their comrades at best or become persona no grata to the public at worst if they were revealed.

3. I don’t like Pyra Magna/Victorion

The reason I don’t like Pyra Magna is very simple- she’s a one note critic character. Majority of the time she appears, she’s complaining and bashing Optimus for everything he’s ever done or believes he’s done. Sometimes even criticizing him for doing something she was criticizing him for not doing earlier. Making it near impossible to tell what her ideals are, her beliefs, or even what values she holds close. Making her criticisms about Optimus weak and criteria for a “perfect” Prime all the more vague. She essentially complains just to complain. Also she’s a terrible hypocrite: In one arc she hates Optimus for manipulating the colonists for his own purposes, but then starts doing the same thing to Slide- feeding and manipulating the colonist into embracing her hatred and bitterness towards the Junkions who killed her twin, referring to her desire for vengeance as justice, thus resulting in Slide becoming skeptical and bitter towards Optimus Prime as well as harboring a hatred and a desire to kill all beings she views as enemies (like Junkions and humans). Also, while she hates Optimus, she views Prowl as an ally. Yep. PROWL- the one who literally sees people as numbers. Though whether or not she actually believes he’s a good person or their goals just align is unknown. In short, she’s the Autobot equivalent of Starscream.

Victorion isn’t much better. While her design and powers are cool to look at, she’s just Pyra Magna 2.0, but bigger. Her other components, the Torchbearers, individual personalities are almost nowhere to be found in there. Though to be honest the other Torchbearers didn’t have much personality to begin with. They pretty much served as Pyra’s comrades (or cheerleaders) who will pretty much always side and agree with whatever their leader says and participate in Optimus Prime bashing. The only things I remember is that two of them are sisters, two of them are lovers, and the single one Rust Dust is there. I’m not kidding this is literally all I can say about them as individuals.

4. I don’t like the IDW version Optimus Prime.

To be honest, I don’t considered him an interesting or complex character in the slightest. IDW Optimus Prime, in my opinion, is a character who writers spend so much time creating flaws in an attempt to make “realistic”, they forgot to give him any GOOD characteristics that could balance those traits. He doubts himself constantly, gives up easily, and ditches his responsibilities whenever he gets the chance. I know what you guys are saying, “But didn’t Rodimus do some of that in the G1 cartoon?” Yes, Rodimus has done that, but there is one small difference between the two: Optimus has been leader of the Autobots for millions of years, whereas Rodimus JUST became leader recently. I can understand and even sympathize with Rodimus, forced into leadership because his actions indirectly lead to Optimus’ death and now he has to lead the Autobots while being in the shadow of Optimus and dealing with his own guilt, but Optimus has been like this since the war and never learned or developed past these traits [HA4] even after the war ended. Also, for all of Rodimus’ flaws, at least he showed more care towards the people under him than Optimus. In fact, every time something goes wrong, he leaves them when things couldn’t be any worse or when he’s still needed. I just find it impossible to imagine how this guy managed to fight in a war for 4 million years against Megatron.

5. I don’t think Lost Light is bad or a bad sequel to MTMTE.

Lost Light really isn’t a bad a sequel or comic series in my opinion; maybe it’s because I focused more on comics where each issue has something going on besides the buildup for some climax. Don’t get me wrong, there has been build up for the Grand Architect and Cybertopia for a while, it’s just all the issues don’t feel like they’re only existence is to build up these two events. They have their own plots and arc where, while the buildup is there, it’s not in your face like some comics I’ve read in the past. Another thing I don’t get is all the hate for Robert using British words or slang when he writes- he’s from the United Kingdom, of course he’s likely to use words he’s used to hearing and speaking. It’s the same habit we do when any of us write: we use words and slang that are common to us.

As a sequel, Lost Light hasn’t lost a lot of quality to its predecessor. While some areas do feel rushed, similar to TAAO, it had quite a bit of executive meddling going on in the background. However, despite feeling a little rushed in some areas, it still pretty well written. Also, I know some people complained about how some of the characters have regressed or become worse in Lost Light, but remember, the cast was betrayed and were (albeit unknowingly) thrown at the mercy of the DJD, a 500 Decepticon army, and Overlord, then, soon afterwards, believed Megatron, the reason the crew betrayed them in the first place, abandoned them to stay in the Functionist Universe. Of course they’re going to have major issues and regress to old habits, it’s how some people actually behave after going through a terrible event like that. Rodimus in particular who has been betrayed and had friends/comrades dying as a direct result before in IDW, would want revenge, it makes sense. Also, the Lost Light is, by far, one of the few series that have a pretty good depiction of someone dealing with betrayal. Seriously, when the Rod Squad meet up with First Aid, Thunderclash, and Riptide, Rodimus is so angry at them, he just refers to them as Mutineer 1 and 2. It’s nice because while he still largely blames Getaway and wants to kill him, he still acknowledges their role in the mutiny as well. Most writers would have a character betrayed by a group only blame the one who caused it, but here Roberts shows Rodimus is angry at the rest of the crew for what happened, though not the same amount as Getaway.

6. I don’t like the “Shockwave is behind everything” twist.

I always find the twist where one villain is directly responsible for everything messed up in the story to be a boring and bad twist. It makes everything that happens in the story feel kind of cheap; it makes all the things the characters have done, worked for, and/or struggled for in the past feel pointless because this one bad guy somehow planned for it. It also make the villain feel like a villain-sue to the point where when their actual plan is revealed, it feels almost ridiculous or stupid in comparison to all the things they had done just to get it to work. In terms of Shockwave’s plan itself: why? Seriously, he could have done so many things while trapped in the past, but decided to make sure everything happened the way it was written. Why? To prove religion is fake? I don’t know, but the things he claimed to be trying to stop, he caused them in the first place and his overall plan is so unclear and bizarre, I believe he’s just insane.

7. I don’t hate Anode and Lug

They’re not perfect, but they’re not the worst either. They’re side characters with questionable morality, but they’re neither main leads or treated as these amazing always right characters. Yes, Anode had a main role in the first arc. Yes, she decided to resurrect her Conjunx, Lug. But 1.) It was to introduce new readers to the rebranded series, and 2.) If you had the ability to bring your loved one back, wouldn’t you do the same thing? After the 1st arc the two of them were regulated to the background, occasionally participating in B-plot antics. Also, Anode herself doesn’t bother me as certain other characters do because she gets called out on her antics and her antics makes sense for her character- she’s selfish and reckless, thinking only about herself and Lug. Also, compared to some of the other Neutrals introduced in IDW, they aren’t bashing the Autobots constantly during the comic- which, to me is a breath of fresh air. So yeah, while they’re not my favorite characters, they’re nowhere near my least favorite characters.

8. I do not hate the Hasbroverse idea.

I thought it was an interesting idea with a bunch of the Hasbro’s old toy lines sharing one universe with a chance to interact with one another. It’s just the execution of the Hasbroverse that sucked: bad writing, bad pacing, too many crossovers back to back, and unnecessary and terrible redesigns on several characters in an attempt to attract more viewers. While ROM, Action Man, and Micronauts were good additions to the TFs, the rest was not well managed or written. If the editors, writers, and the artists thought about what made these series unique and special and not what was trendy, they may have had an amazing expanded universe. But poor decisions in the writing and editorial departments messed up what could have been a fun and interesting expansive universe. If they tried to make another Hasbroverse in the future, I would give it another shot.

9. I did not enjoy the Autobot faction origin story.

I know the premise of the origin story was to create a morally grey story for both factions, but I felt all it did was make the Autobots out to be even bigger jerks than the Decepticons. I wouldn’t have minded having a few Autobots originate from less than stellar backgrounds, but majority of the Autobots who did show up in flashbacks were shown to be a part of the police forces who worked and aided the corrupt senate, or worked in a twisted institution that brainwashes anyone who was considered a threat to the government. With a few exceptions, almost every Autobot that was shown had either turned a blind eye to or actively participated in the messed up stuff the government was doing to its population. It’s not creative, it’s lazy. Though Barber’s and Roberts’ writing have made the group’s origin more tolerable and complex, the damage was done. And, if anything, it makes it even more baffling why anyone that wasn’t already a part of either group even wanted to join the Autobots in the first place.

10. All the terrible things that happened to the Lost Light’s mutinous crew was completely deserved.

Okay, I know the crew, with the exception of Getaway and Atomizer, did not mean to leave Rodimus and his allies to be killed by either the Galactic Council or DJD (which nobody, not even Getaway, was aware of), and when they learned what actually happened they were horrified. However, before the message they had several red flags about Getaway being a, while more efficient, bad captain. First, Getaway admitted about using the Nudge gun on anyone who didn’t agree with his mutiny. Soon afterwards they learn he also made a deal with the Galactic Council-you know, the ones that HATE technological lifeforms. Then, later on, we find out Getaway knew a faster way to get to Cybertopia: a series of quantum tunnels known as the Warren that he learned about while he was held captive by Tyrest. The twisted part about this was that one of the reasons for Getaway’s mutiny was how the quest was taking forever to find Cybertopia. So he knew a way to get to Cybertopia, but waited until after the mutiny occurred to share the information. And let’s not forget how no one they left behind was contacting them days or even weeks after the mutiny. Did they honestly believe none of them wouldn’t called or more likely yell (and swear) at them for leaving them on Necroworld?

To be honest, I think the reason why it took them so long to realize Getaway was bad was because once they admitted Getaway was in the wrong, then, by extension, they would also be admitting that they themselves were in the wrong too. It’s probably the reason why they didn’t try to contact the others all that time as well- they wanted to believe they were in the right so badly. Calling them would admitting to it as well, that’s why they waited. As a result, they ignored all the warnings and red flags surrounding Getaway until it was too late. Was what happened to them awful and terrible? Yes. Definitely. Without a doubt. But when you put a lot blind faith into someone who is shown to do questionable stuff you’re essentially asking for something bad to happen to you

#transformers #unpopular opinion #goodbyeidwlist #idw #maccadam

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bluestringss · 3 years

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I thought it was a phase lol

I visited my Tumblr account for the first time since April. I totally forgot I made that post about watching streams. It has been nine months and I’m still watching streams almost everyday. But there has been some updates and I would like to re-answer the questions from last April.

1. Who did you find first? When did you start watching them? - I started watching Sykkuno last November 2020. Then, I shifted on watching Valkyrae because she was on Youtube and it was easier for me to use back then.

2. Who is your favorite in OTV? - I still watch a lot of Yvonne’s streams. I barely watch other members’ streams.

3. Who do you watch the most? - For the past few months, I have been only watching Natsumiii, hJune, yvonnie, and starsmitten’s. I sometimes watch BaboAbe’s.

4. Which streamer do you act most like? - My answer would still be the same. Natsumiii. There is a reason why I subbed to her and being calm is one of them.

5. Amigops or Salad Gang? - Neither. Update, I barely watch Amigops streams these days.

6. Morning lobbies or afternoon lobbies? - I have never watched morning lobbies because of the timezone.

7. What is your favorite game to watch them play? - I am not a gamer but Valorant was the easiest game for me to understand. - For some reason, watching them play Rust is satisfying for me, especially Harrison and Wendy’s. - I like watching them play Minecraft too. - Gartic Phone and Tricky Towers are also fun to watch.

8. Do you have any of their merch? - None. Money conversion and shipping fees are too much for me.

9. Who has the best streaming set-up in your opinion? - I would still say it's Fuslie but I really like Natsumiii's alerts. I like Celine’s set-up too.

10. Your favorite female streamer in OTV & F? - Natsumiii

11. Your favorite male streamer in OTV & F? - Sorry but I wouldn’t be subbed to hJune for almost four months now for no reason lol.

12. Who inspires you most? - I watch them because of their wholesomeness and friendship. I'm trying to learn how to be a really nice and wholesome person from them. This is cringe but I'm desperate here lol. - Update, I still don’t know how lol

13. What's your least favorite game to watch them play? - I’m not a gamer so I don’t understand most the games they play. I’ve been watching them for months but it’s still hard me for me to keep up with the gaming terms.

14. Are you subbed to anyone? If so, who? - Natsumiii and hJune

15. Whose music do you like most out of the OTV & F singers? - I listen to Lily's a lot. I also listen to Fuslie and Natsumiii's covers. Since hJune has been “officially” part of the friend group, I would include his covers here.

16. Do you participate in stream chat? - Sometimes but not that frequent

17. Have you ever made any fanart/edits? - Nope. I am not creative.

18. Are you in a Twitter group chat with other OTV & F fans? - No. I have been a fangirl for nine years now. I had enough of interactions through Internet lol.

19. 100T or OTV? - OTV

20. Have you ever made/read any OTV fanfics? - No. I am not interested.

21. Roomies or Amigops? - None.

22. Have you ever gotten noticed by anyone in OTV & F? If so, who? - Natsumiii, Abe, hJune

23. What is a song that reminds you of your favorite streamer? - None. But I discovered several songs from them. - Are You Bored Yet? I learned from Michael and Lily. It took me a while to move on from this song. - Oh, Death by SUGR? Peter's cover really made me listen to the song. And Natsumiii often plays SUGR? on her streams. - I have to add Ultimately by Khai Dreams. I heard this from QuarterJade during that one duo night with Masayoshi. - Georgia and Riptide by Vance Joy. I learned the singer from hJune and these songs are my favorite. - Lonely by Justin Bieber. hJune often plays this song on his stream. - I’m in Love by Ra.D. I love Wendy’s cover so much. - Fast Cars. hJune’s live cover will be forever iconic.

I honestly don’t know if this is still a phase or my work will force me to stop watching streams. I still enjoy watching them and will keep on watching until I have to stop.

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jezfletcher · 4 years

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1000 Albums, 2019: #40-31

Hey folks, this year, like the last 4, my brother and I have listened to 1000 contemporary albums over the course of the year. This year, specifically, we hit 1032 albums. Rather than listing an arbitrary kind of number of albums which may or not be things that actually stood out for me, this year I decided I’d write up the albums which I particularly wanted to single out. It turns out that was very close to exactly 40, so a Top 40 is what you’re getting. I’ll do 10 a day for the next 4 days leading up to the new year, finishing with my Top 10 on New Year’s Eve. I’ll also post my top tracks of the year as well, which, honestly are the things I more connect with.

Anyway, let’s get into it:

40. Thank You Scientist - Terraformer (progressive jazz metal)

Starting off this year’s writeups is this frenetic mashup of free jazz and progressive metal, which manages to beautifully evoke the best of both. Most of all though, it leans on the progressive elements, meaning that you don’t quite know where it’s going, and yet it makes perfect sense when it gets there. It earns a nod in my Best Albums of the Year list, and it’s well-deserved. Standout Track: Life of Vermin.

39. Asa - Lucid (RnB)

There are a number of whole genres that this year started clicking for me in a way they never had before. Dreampop is one, and there’s plenty of dreampop later in this list. The other is RnB. I like to believe it’s because it’s finally being honed to perfection, but I think there’s an element of luck to it as well—and this year I stumbled upon Asa (meaning, Sam picked it, and I blindly listened to it). This was a fine album, and a standout in a genre which I’ve felt somewhat antipathetic towards since the 1990s. Standout Track: Good Thing

38. Kyle Craft & Showboat Honey - Kyle Craft & Showboat Honey (glam folk rock)

You may remember that over the past few years, Kyle Craft has been an absolute gun at getting top albums for me. He had my #2 album of 2016 (Dolls of Highland), and my #3 album last year (Full Circle Nightmare). So I was thrilled that we got another outing from him so soon. But, as much as it pained me to admit it, this effort was not as good as his last two. And it actually harks back to something I wrote about Full Circle Nightmare, which was that his first two albums were very similar, and I wanted to believe he could give us something different for his third. But he doesn’t, despite now having a named backing band, and as a result, while I’m still into the music he’s laying down, it’s also feeling a bit tired. If he plays the same shtick come album #4, I suspect he’ll drop out of my end-of-year writeups. But I can still imagine (and hope for) a new album which really pops up again. Standout Track: She’s Lily Riptide.

37. Attaboy - WILD (pop)

Just straight, fun pop. This isn’t the kind of album which is going to blow your world apart, but it’s sure going to give you a good time while you’re listening to it. I think it’s telling as well that this beat out a number of bigger, more established pop artists who I otherwise also liked, like Carly Rae Jepsen and Tay Tay. But this can really punch nicely. Standout Track: Giving Up The Fight

36. The Faint - Egowerk (electropop)

I had almost completely forgotten the band The Faint, probably most famous for their 2008 hit The Geeks Were Right, and I’d never listened to a full album from them. But this effort, full of high-energy synthpop which occasionally moves closer to electro-house, is a great deal of fun. It drives with backbeat-heavy energy and a sense of wry personality from their lead singer. It’s a joy. Standout Track: Life’s a Joke.

35. Coldplay - Everyday Life (experimental rock)

Yeah, I know, right? I wouldn’t have ever thought Coldplay would be getting a look in on this list. But this is a surprisingly adventurous outing from Chris Martin and co, a genuine sonic departure that at times feels more like an orchestral work of program music. But it frequently pops in with a little bit of ascerbic rock at the same time, and there are individual moments which stand alone as well. That being said, the album is a success as a whole more than as a collection of songs, but I can’t deny that this may be Coldplay’s gateway into a much more personally interesting sound. Standout Track: Guns.

34. Kishi Bashi - Omoiyari (chamber pop)

Kishi Bashi is an artist I’ve seriously loved in the past. In fact, he’s ended up with a top ten album in years past for me. This wasn’t the same kind of blistering effort, but it’s one that has certainly grown on me—his crossover chamber pop aesthetic always goes over well, but this didn’t have as good a hit rate for me as did Sonderlust. Still, there’s something to be said about the appeal of a man who has an “off” album and still winds up with my #34 placing in the year. Standout Track: Summer of ‘42.

33. The Cat Empire - Stolen Diamonds (Latin funk)

I was a huge fan of The Cat Empire in their early days. Two Shoes, in particular, was one of my favourite albums for a very long time. But in recent times, perhaps for good reason (e.g. the world we live in), their music had gotten a lot more dour and weary. The social commentary of Felix Reibl’s lyrics perhaps became more of a driving force than the party-hard aesthetics that attracted me to their early work. So it’s with some joy that I found them back to their roots this year with Stolen Diamonds, a Latin explosion which sees them back at their poppy best. Honestly, having a bit of fun in the face of the world today is a rebellious act, so I still feel like they’re being honest as well. Standout Track: Adelphia.

32. The New Pornographers - In The Morse Code of Brake Lights (indie rock)

I’ve liked The New Pornographers (and Neko Case’s solo work) in the past, so it was good to see that they’re still pumping out music to a high standard. There are some ripping tracks in this, but unlike something like, say, Coldplay’s latest, this is an album which is hoisted by its top tracks, rather than coherent enough to be greater than the sum of its parts. That’s not to say it’s not an enjoyable listen: it’s smart, it’s polished and it’s comforting. And, look, it ends up in an enviable position as my #32 album of the year. Remember, that’s #32 out of 1000+, so nothing indeed to sniff at. Standout Track: The Surprise Knock.

31. Montaigne - Complex (indie pop)

I was thrilled when this came out, because I loved Montaigne’s debut album, and I’ve been hopeful that she could follow it up with something worthy of it. And here we have Complex, which is a more mature sound, filled with really smart pop. I do thing that this does struggle a little bit to capture the pure energy and joy I got from 2016’s Glorious Heights, but it’s still a strong album, and there’s at least one track which could put up a fight to 2016’s Because I Love You. Standout Track: Losing My Mind.

#1000albums #2019

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danandphilsecretsanta · 7 years

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Fix: A Fic For Tati

To: @dilhowlter1991

A speculative phanfic (are those a thing?) based on the premise that Phil first contacted Dan way back in 2009 for more unscrupulous and selfish reasons. This is the product of a lot of wishful and derailed thinking.

Title: Fix Tags: Mentions of non-explicit sexual interaction and an explicitly-banned video; Phil makes questionable decisions; Some fluff; A whole lot of angst

I hope you have fun reading it! (for now, disregard the {bracketed numbers} until the end!)

|| 2016 || 7 ||

In London, two men of some note dwelled. Tucked away in a small little road lined with identical grey-brick buildings. Squat little things, arranged in neat and tidy rows. Two ranks of foot soldiers, filed and ready to march into battle. Behind one window of many was a tiny square. Aglow with the warm flush of light and painted in vivid technicolour by the assortment and array of indiscernible knick-knacks.

And there, in the centre of a gentle calming storm of possessions — but more importantly: belonging — sat the two. Men of note. Some. Reclined, comfortable, and doing exactly what they did best.

“Any TATINOF spoilers yet?” Phil asked.

“Mm, not yet.” Dan turned his laptop for Phil to see. “Although there is a video of us ‘kissing’ behind the screen.”

“Was it in Toronto?” Phil asked, leaning over to glimpse the 10-second clip, and the city in the title. “Oh, wait, not that. Never mind then.”

A half-smile quirked at Dan’s lips. “‘Obviously they aren’t’,” he read from the notes and replies. “‘They’re always so careful, do you think they’ll fuck up? In public? With thousands of fangirls watching question-mark question-mark question-mark?’”

“They give us too much credit.”

Dan scrolled past. Now and then he quipped through the silence with a comment or a quote that had gotten his attention.

“‘Who got the room in the bus in the end? They both said yes when asked.’”

“‘Two tall nerds on one bus, what a nightmare.’”

“‘Damn Daniel, back at it again with the light-up shoes.’”

“I still haven’t forgiven you for that one yet!” Phil crossed his arms. “You could have gotten one for me too.”

“I don’t know your shoe size,” Dan deflected expertly. “And you have bigger feet.”

As Phil watched, a sly smile unfurled over Dan’s lips. He could practically hear the words before they had even tumbled. “And you know what they say about bigger feet,” he said for him, rolling his eyes even as his own lips twitched.

Dan edged closer, sliding his laptop far from the couch. Safe from harm’s way. He closed his eyes, and found Phil’s cheek unerringly in the darkness behind his eyelids to guide him into a chaste kiss they both knew well. “God help me, if you say ‘big socks’, I’ll sock you.”

~~~~~~

|| 2009 || 3 ||

Phil slammed into Dan. Dan, in turn, slammed into the wall by the door. Never once pulling away, Phil reached out and flung it shut. Against the jamb it shook, rattling the hollowed house with it. Giants’ footsteps roared, but Phil’s door bellowed loudest.

“Eager,” Dan broke away to laugh. There was a heat in his voice that came from the southward rush of blood, from the fire in his lungs that ate away his air and shortened his breaths to small, undignified whines. His hands rested lightly against Phil’s chest, but his knuckles and palms arched away from the green plaid shirt, as though he feared one touch too earnest, one brush too free — and gone Phil would be. A mirage, disappeared, the product of a feverish nocturnal imagination driven to distraction by overwhelming, unanswered want.

Phil tipped his forehead closer, swayed his hips — knowing, aware — and grazed the front of his jeans with Dan’s. From their hair, to their clothes, to their arousal, they matched. They could have been mirror images. They could have been completely incorporeal except to each other. Insular in this room that had grown with Phil, every inch plastered with posters and personality. Home to one boy, and temple to another. “You make me that way.”

He didn’t hide his smirk from Dan’s answering tremble. His bottom lip quivered — delicious — and his knees shook so hard, they knocked. He didn’t reply. Only leaned forward, and poured everything he had into Phil with surprising surety.

And Phil — treacherous, conniving man that he was — Phil let him.

The guilt would haunt him for years.

~~~~~~

|| 2016 || 6 ||

“You’re beautiful.”

Once upon a time, that might have earned him a blush, perhaps a giggle if he had purred the words and yanked Dan closer with greedy, grabbing hands. A little after once-upon, and Phil would only have invited a scowl and a scoff if he’d dared utter two simple words. They might as well have been fuck you.

The statement never changed, the sentiment never wavered. Through the years all that had shifted was Dan. He was a riptide current, the push-and-pull of the water beneath the frothing waves. Temperamental. Unpredictable. Loath to pull innocents from the near shore, and then send them back floating with the tiniest crash and wave, as though to say, Thank you for playing with me! Come back once all the water has been pumped from your lungs!

Loath to pull victims from the shore on other days, and never return them.

Not one crash. Not one wave. The murmur of running water the throaty gurgle of death. The softest demolition, the quietest robbery.

Now, however, Dan swept Phil’s fringe from sleep-prickled eyes, so that he could see Dan smile a blurry smile from where he hovered over Phil. His lips turned upwards. Very different from his frowns. Phil had been quick to learn and discern. “Should it distress me that you only say this in the morning? When you’ve just woken up?”

“Hey, if I think your flesh-coloured blobs look good to me in the morning, guess how blown-away I get the rest of the day when I actually have vision?”

“If flesh-coloured blobs are what do it for you, then we need to have a talk.”

Phil framed Dan’s face with his hands, pressing his cheeks and squishing his features into a pliant muddle. “This flesh-coloured blob in particular. Only this one, and none else.”

Dan burst out laughing. It was a hearty laugh — a hyena’s cackle. He threw his head back, and his chest rose and fell quickly and painfully with the straits of his laughter. They never faltered once, even as Phil rolled them over and eased Dan’s back against the mattress.

His eyes — brown as ever, closely indistinguishable from the slashes of chocolate of his hair — peered up at Phil in narrow slits, scrunched into small creases and wrinkles by the laugh-lines carved into his face that winged his eyelids.

“You know, it probably doesn’t translate when I’m speaking,” Phil said, “but when I wake up and see you, I happen to be counting my blessings. Me commenting on you really means I’m lucky to have been your choice too.”

The crinkles below him deepened imperceptibly. By the corner of his mouth, dimples sprang from his chin. Phil felt a hand curl around his neck, and stroke the fine down along his nape. “Phil the poet,” Dan whispered.

He smiled and leaned down to punctuate each word with a kiss. As though, by the power of mere insistence, he could stamp the truth beneath Dan’s skin “You’re. Beautiful.”

~~~~~~

|| 2009 || 1 ||

Phil, when he wanted to be, was a proficient stalker

He looked at the boy’s profile, and could almost swear that was his own hair, cropped and photoshopped expertly to frame another’s face. It suited him. Brown to brown. Complementary. His messages were nice too. But all of them were. A mailbox full of praises and clamouring voyeurs. Nothing special, except say in the staggering rate at which this one boy spewed them out. A comment on every video, issued with lightning speed. It had to be a record of some kind.

Next, he scrolled through his profile. He was young, 18. Phil’s intrigue piqued at that. They shared so many interests, so many commonalities. They listened to the same music, were mad for the same computer games. It was as though this boy had been planted in the stadium below his videos, just so Phil could stumble upon him and remark on their similarities. Coincidental collision. If you were lucky, you could walk from it alive.

Phil flicked his fingers, to read the boy’s name. Dan Howell. Lover of Muse, player of MarioKart, viewer of AmazingPhil. Quick succinct person. Personality compact, nothing garrulous. Phil found that charming.

“He could be a madman,” Phil mused, pretending to hover over indecision for the show of it. “He could skin me alive or sell me on eBay.” A strange risk, a minor risk. A risk he could take and laugh at.

So he clicked the message button. Dashed out words, smattered with emoticons and cheery symbols. Closed the window, folded his arms behind his head, and waited for a pretty boy like Dan Howell to snap the bait.

~~~~~~

|| 2012 || 4 ||

When it happened, the day was quiet. Unlikely, for the two new inhabitants of a London flat with thin wallets and even thinner tempers. But the day had been quiet. Phil should have seen it for what it was: the calm before the storm.

“The fucking V-Day video again,” Dan had blustered when the clock was just shy of lunch. “Come on, we’re talking tactics now.”

For hours, they had sat at the table. War generals presiding over a battle they had already lost. But Dan was belligerent. He would not emerge from the bunker without a plan, and Phil — complicit as his partner — must be there to talk through contingencies, to iron out the flaws of his logic and conceive an elaborate hoax that could make thousands of fans forget.

As it was, Dan’s power and will alone were enough to slog their ankles through a shit-fest of their own making. They formed an alibi. (It was an April Fool’s prank too cruel for the public eye. Phil was supposed to do it as a joke, wasn’t he, Phil?) They scoured it from the Internet. (“It’s not enough to just delete it from your channel. You have to report the copies. Get any reproductions taken off with a copyright claim. There. See?”) Dan was particularly scathing towards the asks that exploded his inbox. For perhaps a moment he transformed into a bona fide Vernon Dursley. Astounded by the flurries of mail, almost reduced to catatonics as he sputtered and devised empty response after hollow reply.

In the middle of a storm of lies, Phil took Dan by the elbow. “Dan, I need to tell you something.”

~~~

Two boys who had reached through their computer screens and plucked the other’s heart. Their’s was the stuff of legends, of folklore and romantics. Boys who had stumbled across each other on an infinite web, and decided to spend their finite lives with each other in an infinite universe.

Phil never knew why he did what he did. Why he grabbed Dan’s arm, propped up a spine already bent by the tribulations of reality, and burdened him with truth. Perhaps watching Dan spin his lies while the day slipped from them like youth tired him. Perhaps being privy to Dan’s slow ruthless drive through a scalding desert of untruths convinced him a sip of honesty might just save his friend — because that was what they were now. It was all they could be. Friends, only friends. Regressed, but friends.

Or…perhaps…he had seen Dan tear down everything they had built together. Seen the ease with which he could demolish their legacy and past, towers and mountains they had built together, scaled together — and paint it over with cheap replications and flat tales that dishonoured the path they shadowed. Watched, helpless, as Dan succumbed to pixels scrambled into images and words and reduced their three years of companionship and trust into a fangirl’s wet dream. Dan, perhaps unknowingly, perhaps unaware, mocked all they had propped up between them with his tirade, before Phil’s eyes.

He saw Dan destroy their world with furore and an inlaid calm and thought to help him do it just the slightest bit faster.

~~~

Phil could not remember when they migrated from the sofa to the carpet. Perhaps somewhere between his second attempt at explaining and Dan’s first wail of anguish. He wondered if birds meant to soar far and travel the world were prone to that same disorienting jolt, of discovering themselves planted suddenly in the wrong scenery after instinct and evolutionary predisposition returned their will to them once again. If they flapped their wings with epiphany and, remembering the miles they had flown under duress of nature, thought: Huh. So that’s why my wings are sore.

And, if so, if the fear and dawning realisation that glittered in their bead-eyes resembled anything like the sporadic spurts of implausible emotion in Dan’s own eyes.

“You’re saying…we only met, because you were horny?”

This was old hat. They had gone through this so many times before. “No, Dan, that’s not all I’m say— ”

“Well, it sure as hell sounds like it!”

Tired, cantankerous, and exasperated, Phil threw down his hands. Threw down the gauntlet. Ran the gauntlet. “I took a risk, Dan — when I answered your messages and let you in my house!”

Blow one. Make Dan seem any modicum of desperate. He hated that. Hated the aspersion that he could possibly need anyone else. That he could text Phil, nudge Phil, once more than he strictly needed to grasp his attention. Lone wolves let the void swallow their howls once, and after that became mute. Why announce his solitude? Why parade it for the moon to hear?

Dan ground his teeth. Phil could hear it. It sounded like minced bones, like a record screeching silently, distantly. “A risk, did you?” Another imaginary sound. It sounded like ceramic shattering. Hold a clay heart in your hands, hurl it to the ground. Watch it explode in shards and blood and see its ghost leave in a drift of smoke and dust, like huffed-away trust. “I took a risk, that you could break my heart.” A dam broke. Water glittered in Dan’s eyes. Phil was reminded of chemistry experiments in school laboratories, remembered hunching over a steady teardrop flame, willing yellow crystals to wink their firsts in the evaporating dish balanced delicately on the tripod.

Blow two. Make Dan cry. “I took a fucking risk too. I just didn’t know it,” he spat, dashing tears from his eyes even as they fell. Drip, drip. Too copious to well, too heavy to cling to his eyelashes.

“Dan, I didn’t — ”

“No.”

He whirled around, and stalked towards the door. His face was scrunching up, like a paper someone had balled up with crunching, crushing crinkles, ready to pitch towards the waste basket. Thoughtlessly. Already poised to forget. His footsteps echoed through the apartment. The slam of his door sliced through the night’s quiet even more sharply. Alone in the living room, bereft, like a ship left in the harbour and then abandoned for decades, Phil stood. Perhaps he was waiting, perhaps he was frozen. Perhaps he was dreaming, and any moment now…

Blow three. See Dan cry.

~~~~~~

|| 2009 || 2 ||

Phil was jittery, and he had no idea why. No reason at all, officer. I’m dressed in plaid and ready to get laid.

He had planned to leave at seven and stroll to the station in an hour.

It was six-fifty, and he had changed his shirt (twice), combed his hair, then mussed it back up deliberately. He had lain back on his bed three times — a modest estimation — and gotten back up another three. He had prowled the empty house on tip-toe, waiting, almost, for his parents to spring from cupboards and shadows and say, What have we said about stranger danger? And on the Internet too! Young man, you are in for it now!

But no mothers popped, no fathers jumped. It was as though all those nights messaging and Skyping Dan Howell had allayed all doubts of his authenticity. No murderous stalker would leave a digital trail of his obsession like a smear on the Internet. No, this was the dedication of a soft-spoken, enthralled fan, nothing more.

Three minutes to seven.

So why did Phil still scratch at his (deliberately) messy hair? Why could he not keep the shiver from his knees, the gooseflesh from his neck? He felt as though he were teetering on the precipice of a cliff, as though he had climbed so high to reach the summit, and only know realised what he had to lose.

“I could…” Phil began to mutter. He could what? “Lose my life?” The words lilted in a song, a questionable song, and the autumn chill in the house shook its breezy head at them. No, no, quite wrong, Phillip Michael. Not right at all. “Be robbed?” Quite wrong, quite wrong. “Get an STD?”

Nooooo, moaned the drafty air into the shell of his ears. Noooooooo.

He paced the house, his bag slung across him. This was a question with only one answer, and he had never been one to ask too many. His hand was on the door-knob, ready to leave, when the possibility occurred to him. Transpired in the slight mist of his breath and tremble of his fingers against cold metal. Dropped into his arms like a gift from heaven. “I could…fall in love.”

The autumn air fell quiet at last.

It’s just physical, Phillip wanted to protest. It will mean absolutely nothing.

The autumn air did not respond.

This was not his intention. Never had been. From the moment he had first replied to Dan Howell’s fervent messages and comments, there had been just one endgame in mind — and it had been a short-lived one. Of heavy breaths and stuttering hips. Of air warmed by two bodies and the motion of harmony in lust. This. This did not factor into his plans at all. It got too easily tangled in what was meant to be precisely without strings.

He could cancel. Pretend there was a cousin’s wedding (second-removed cousin) out of town, and his parents were dragging him along. Send regretful emoji after regretful emoji, and send Dan Howell far away from his little home by Piccadilly. Return him to the flat square box in the arena below his videos, and keep him there this time. He could walk away from this risk, and the world would be none the wiser.

I could fall in love. He whispered the words to himself again. I could. He could make me. He’s jumped the cliff way before I ever scaled the top. He could grab me and pull me off the rock. We could fall, and plummet, and hit the ground. A mess of broken bones, and no one to dust us off. We don’t have wings; we don’t have anything. I could fall in love, and that’s a dangerous thing to do.

Phil swivelled his eyes downward. His hand still clenched the knob, gripping for ground whipped from beneath his feet.

The knob wielded beneath his fingers. He pushed through the door, a minute behind time, but that was inconsequential. He walked, the wind in his sails. Summer was gone and frost waited at the fringes of their little town, waiting to descend and strike a chill into the hearts of quiet residents. But until then, the autumn air was fresh and exciting. It wound its tendrils through Phil’s hair and lent him, distinctly, the feeling of darting headlong into what could only be, an adventure.

~~~~~~

|| 2012 || 5 ||

“Dan? Dan, I screwed up. I’m sorry! I royally screwed up. Dan. Come on.”

The word ‘wife’ is debated to have originated from Proto-Indo-European means. It might have come from ghwibh, derived from a word meaning ‘shame’.

......

“Dan. I swear, it’s all different now. I was so stupid, and so immature back then. Please. Believe me.”

Maturation of the psychological kind doesn’t really begin, generally, until age 24.

......

“Dan, will you never speak to me again?”

There is an anechoic chamber in Minnesota. It might be the quietest place on earth. No one can endure more than 45 minutes in it.

It’s been four days since. Phil hasn’t heard his voice in so long.

…...

“Dan, please. Speak to me. Scream at me. Something.”

“If I start screaming now, I’ll never stop. Are you sure you want that?”

“Yes. Yes! Oh, pl— ”

“Like hell you do.” Phil drew away from the door.

One of the most toxic poisons in the world is called ricin. A Bulgarian named Georgi Markov died from it.

He was exiled and assassinated in London.

…...

“Dan? It’s been a week. Please, Dan. Let me explain.”

“I don’t want any explanations. I am so sick, and tired, of looking for answers.”

“Dan — ”

“I just want one more.”

A withheld breath. An exhaled breath. Cheek against wood. Fingers scrabbling for purchase, for the reception to hold. Dreading when the connection collapsed, and he was left on the other side, clutching silence. “Yes, what is it?”

A withheld breath. A shaky breath. “We—We need so much fixing right now.” A pause. A recollection. “Do you promise to fix us? With me?”

Relief as an emotion was tangible. Palpable. It was fearsome, in the way it seemed to escape from his every pore and orifice. His own body overfilled with it. Relief felt like sweat and tears, in the middle of a drought. “Yes. Of course, Dan. Of course.”

Finally, he opened the door.

~~~~~~

Secret Rave Tree note: Hello, Tati! I’m sorry the fic is a bit scrappy ^^“ I really wanted to make it perfect for you, but I got a little busy. Just as a quick clarification, in case the timeline’s a bit messy, you can follow the numbers behind the year that heads each different section. The numbers mark the chronological order of the chapters (i.e. || 2009 || [1] would mean that section was the earliest event in the timeline) I wasn’t going to add the last 2012 part originally, but I needed to give ‘em some closure. I hope the new year has been good to you, and that you’ll have a great time! Ho-ho-ho-out

#dpss2k16 #dilhowlter1991 #phandom

6 notes · View notes

massivedrickhead · 4 years

Note

part 1: 2, 7, 10, 15, 19 part 2: 8, 10 part 3: 5, 6, 10, 11 part 4: 1, 11, 14, 25, 29 part 5: 2, 9 part 6: 4, 8, 9

part 1: 2, 7, 10, 15, 19

2: Have you ever cut your hair yourself?

I did it once when I was like 4 or 5. I looked awesome, I’m sure

7: Are you a fan of bread and butter?

Yes omg. I can’t eat it too often anymore because of my stupid diet but yes god yes. White bread with loads of butter is just *chef kiss*

10: Have you ever almost died?

I was almost swept out to sea once so yes? I guess?

15: Favorite animal?

Maybe just dogs tbh. They’re so good.

19: Are you a fan of theme parks?

Other than my own bed, they’re like my favourite place in the world.

part 2: 8, 10

8: Do you think ghosts are real?

Not really, but it would be nice to think that there’s something after death. And not believing in them doesn’t stop me from being shit scared of them.

10: Do you believe in a God?

Nope.

part 3: 5, 6, 10, 11

5: What was your first kiss like?

Super awkward and messy. Very... wet.

6: If a friend called you to help hide a body, would you help or turn them in?

Honestly... when I watch tv shows and films and stuff and the protagonist gets themselves in a situation where they’ve either killed someone or they’ve gotten involved in some way and they’re living their life like a paranoid wreck filled with guilt... that’s my worst nightmare. I think I’d actually turn them in. Like... I’m sorry... I can’t cope with that. Do not call me to hide a dead body, I would not be helpful. I’m also pretty squeamish.

10: You’re having dinner with your s/o, are you guys eating at a restaurant or having a home cooked meal?

I feel like if I did have a significant other we’d do both, but in this scenario let’s say eat out. I miss going out to eat, I find it really fun.

11: Talk about one of your favorite memories you share with a friend.

Late night walks when we were at uni together and we needed to vent about our housemates.

part 4: 1, 11, 14, 25, 29

1: Favorite feel-good movie?

Pitch Perfect

11: Favorite song right now?

It’s not my favourite song by any stretch but I’m obsessively listening to Riptide by Vance Joy and I don’t know why.

14: Favorite quote?

“You’re going to be amazing.” - The Adventure Zone: Balance

25: Favorite musician?

Mumford and Sons. I know that they’re a band and they probably don’t count as a musician but I don’t care. I love them.

29: Favorite app to use?

Probably this hell site or YouTube.

part 5: 2, 9

2: Not take a shower for a week OR Not brush your teeth for a week?

Probably not take a shower. I feel like with enough deodorants and wipes and what not I could survive but I hate having a bad mouth taste.

9: Be famous while you’re alive but forgotten when you die OR Be unknown while you’re alive but famous after you die?

Um... I guess be famous while I’m alive? It doesn’t really matter to me if I’m famous or forgotten after I die, and I’ve already had 27 years of being unknown while I’m alive so let’s give fame a try. See what that’s like.

part 6: 4, 8, 9

4: Have you ever done anything illegal?

I drank when I was underage? Pirated some music?

8: Have you ever been to a foreign country?

Yeah I’ve been to quite a few :) can’t wait for life to return to normal so I can go to some more.

9: Have you ever made someone cry?

Yeah I’m sure I have. And I hate that.

#asks

0 notes

especiallyeva · 6 years

Text

A song by song review of Mania by Fall Out Boy

If anyone asks me who my favourite band is, the immediate response I give is “Fall Out Boy”. Over the years, it’s become a reflex. And that’s not just because I love Fall Out Boy’s music.

I’ve made friends purely because of Fall Out Boy. I’ve put Fall Out Boy lyrics on my wall and put them my journals and planners and the back wall of my closet and the corners of worksheets. I would kill a man to see them live. I put on Centuries when I don’t want to get up in the morning and I shout along to Hum Hallelujah in the car and I listen to Coffee’s for Closers when I’m crying and I blast I Don’t Care when I’m angry and I need to stop thinking for a little bit and I if I can’t listen to Irresistible when I walk to school in the morning, what’s the point of going? I’d say I know the lyrics to all of their songs by heart but anyone who has listened to Fall Out Boy knows that it’s less about what the lyrics actually are and more about mumbling whatever is closest to the thing Patrick is singing.

One of the reasons I consider them to be my favourite band of all time is because American Beauty/American Psycho made me fall (out boy) in love with music. I listened to it right after it came out, when I was 14. Before that album, I would just listen to random playlists of whatever songs were popular at the time or what my friends were listening to. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with that and I love pop - I’ll shout along just as long to Style by Taylor Swift just as loudly as a Fall Out Boy song - but for me, music was more about having something to put on in the background, it didn't mean anything to me.

And then I listened to American Beauty/American Psycho. And I’d play it on repeat. And I haven’t stopped listening to it since.

But what even is a favourite band? Does it mean that they’re the band I listen to the most? No. Does it mean I love every single Fall Out Boy song or album ever? Definitely not.

For example, I really don’t like What a Catch Donnie. I’ve only managed to get myself to listen to it all the way through once. I think the reason people like it is because it’s nostalgic, not because it’s an outstanding song. And it’s just so long. Here’s my ask box, which is where you can send any anon hate. I’m also not a huge fan of the song Save Rock and Roll. I also definitely don’t listen to PAX AM Days. Ever. Does anyone? Let me know if you do. I’ve never heard anyone says it’s their favourite Fall Out Boy album. I feel like it’s the one we never talk about.

My main reason for loving this band is how their music makes me feel. It’s hard to put it in words. I just get The Fall Out Boy Feeling. You know the one I’m talking about? It’s not exactly angry, it’s badass, it’s sort of confident but also in self-deprecating way. When I listen to their music, I feel like I can do anything. It makes me feel like the person I want to be.

Another major reason is their consistency. Some albums by other bands are a whirlwind of emotions that I listen to on repeat for 2 weeks and then sort of forget about. But Fall Out Boy is different. My relationship with their music is like a steady, comforting marriage.

For the last three years, I have lived my life knowing that it doesnt really matter what happens to me or what i feel – there will be a Fall Out Boy song for me to listen and relate to. It sounds cheesy but I’d consider it to be the soundtrack of my life. Liking Fall Out Boy is the only thing my 14 year old self did that doesn’t make me cringe. I want their songs to be played at my graduation, wedding and funeral.

Needless to say, I was indescribably excited when I heard that Mania was coming out. But I’m nervous whenever an artist or a band I adore releases new music because then I such high expectations, I sometimes end up being disappointed.

I didn’t really feel that with Fall Out Boy. Maybe a little bit. The thing is, loving Fall Out Boy is sort of my thing since I’m The Girl Who Likes Fall Out Boy. And while I trusted them enough to know that I will love whatever they make next, after 3 years of waiting, it’s almost impossible not to wonder whether you’ll like their new music just as much as their old stuff.

I’ve been waiting for their new music for so long, I wasn’t even sure what to do with myself after they released it. I felt like listening to it for the first time should be special, especially because I strongly associate albums with whatever is going on in my life while I listen to them. The summer of 2015 sounds like Badlands by Halsey. Summer 2016 is Born to Die by Lana del Rey. Summer 2017 is Melodrama by Lorde. Winter 2017 is Gameshow by Two Door Cinema Club. But I ended up listening to Mania at 7:20 in the morning, completely alone in my school’s library while doing homework. I decided it would be silly to wait for a “perfect” moment to listen to it because Mania will end up sounding like Winter/Spring of 2018. And in Winter/Spring 2018 a majority of my time will be spent at my school’s library, doing homework. Now that we’ve set the scene, let’s discuss my first impression of the album:

Young and Menace When this song was released, I was relieved. After listening to this, I knew I would love 2018 Fall Out Boy just as much as their old music. The music video was cool. Weird, but definitely not the weirdest Fall Out Boy music video out there.

Champion My first thought while listening to this was just “YES YES YES”. This is the sort of Fall Out Boy that gets me out of bed in the morning. When I heard the first three seconds, I just knew it will be my new favourite. Champion takes classic Fall Out Boy but revamps it. I don’t know anything about music, so I have no idea how they do it but they manage to made their music sound new, but still sound like Fall Out Boy.

Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea I love when they use french. I too, do not speak french but am enamoured with it. I’m also a huge fan of the title and that they’re making the names of their songs a little bit weird and unnecessarily complicated again.

HOLD ME TIGHT OR DON’T This sounds like Fall Out Boy does resort music. The sort of music you’d hear at a hotel by the beach. They have a spa and a golf course and there’s parties with Hawaiian shirts in the evening where they listen to this. And I’m into it.

The Last of the Real Ones This one might have my favourite Fall Out Boy music video ever. I like Young Volcanoes a tiny bit more but two llamas murdering Pete Wentz in the desert is definitely a close second. These sorts of videos are the reason I have given up on trying to find meaning in Fall Out Boy music videos. I just appreciate them for what they are now.

Wilson (Expensive Mistakes) I love that Fall Out Boy manages to make songs that are sad without making them sound sad. It’s very Twenty One Pilots of them.

Church A classic Fall Out Boy song. Witty. Self-deprecating. Cool lyrics I’ll reblog endless edits of. A music video I don’t remember much about other than Patrick’s little dance. What more could you want?

Heaven’s Gate Not going to lie, this is my least favourite song on the album. That doesn’t mean I don’t like it. But it’s a slow song. And I don’t usually listen to a lot of slow or soft music. Regardless, the lyric “You’re the one habit I just can’t kick” is one of my favourites from this album.

Sunshine Riptide No idea what Burna Boy is saying but it sounds cool. Somehow, they managed to find the one singer who mumbles more than Patrick.

Bishop’s Knife Trick Again, a little bit too slow for me but I still love it. In case it’s not obvious enough, I love this entire album. I feel like there isn’t really any song that I want to skip. It’s the sort of album that’s just perfect from start to finish.

Overall, Mania is everything I love about Fall Out Boy combined with a slightly new sound. It’s clear that they’ve grown as artists and have been experimenting with stuff they’ve never tried before. Like I said, Mania still sounds like Fall Out Boy, but it sounds like 2018 Fall Out Boy. In other words, we’re officially in a new Fall Out Boy era and I couldn’t be happier about it.

I’m also a huge fan of the entire aesthetic of this album. It’s definitely the best one yet. Don’t get me wrong, I’m emotionally attached to the old, semi-ugly album covers but Mania is the first one I genuinely love looking at because it’s so cool.

Essentially, Mania has been the ultimate confirmation that I will love Fall Out Boy for a long time. I can guarantee that I’ll be here, reviewing their next album sometime in 2021.

#Fall Out Boy #Mania

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