#but all of them are getting done

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[starwarjotta]

looking for someone on Tatooine

#commander cody #coday #cody day 2224 #codywan #tatooine husbands #looking for obi-wan obviously DUH #ARE YOU GUYS READY FOR CODAY???? #I've overdone myself and drawn THREE pieces for today like what???? #I did not think I'd get them all done but somehow I did #I'll post them all during this day with little gaps in between #cody my beloved #I gotta say #I've never drawn as good looking rocks as I did here #the ones Cody's sitting on like #THEY AREN'T EVEN THAT GOOD but I suck at any type of background shit so I'm so happy they look decent hahaha #I also live for scavenger/ rebel/ hobo -outfit Cody #and also that he still keeps some parts of his armor #just to be able to kick ppl and droids if the need arises ofc #I love Cody so much I'm so ready for today #star wars

[ash-and-starlight]

hades atla bisexual simulator

#id in alt text #hadesgame artstyle is the most poggers thing on this fucking earth let me just YOINK steal it #i haven’t played a single minute of hades in my life btw #but i’m familiar with its bisexuality #it calls to mine like a siren’s song #i wanted to add lil dialogue options to them but my brain farted before it got done so. this is what u get :3 #zuko #sokka #suki #yue #pondering the orb #my art #also: LAST ART OF THE YEAR BESTIE BELOVEDS THANK U FOR MAKING THE MORTIFYING ORDEAL OF SHARING ART SO MUCH FUN #KISSES FOR ALL

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

world's longest staring contest GO-

#them. he??? wally plural <3 #how are they the same little man.... #looking between them in confusion so fast i get whiplash #one half of my brain: huh what huh what huh- #the other half: HOLY SHIT TWO WALLYS!!!!!! <3<3<3<3<3<3 #wait would it be wallys or wallies #fr what Is wally plural #existential questions we should all ask ourselves #scribble garnish #welcome home #welcome home puppet show #welcome home fanart #wally darling #i got a little lost in the Sauce making this & finished before realizing i didnt copy it over to a new larger canvas #& do the final layer/colors/bg there #so its a Little Bit Lower Resolution than id like #BUT HEY ITS NOT LIKE THATS EVER STOPPED ME BEFORE!!!! #whatever whatever doesnt matter its done and im satisfied with it #& i fuckin better be bc working on this killed my wrist lmfao #nearly dropped my stylus at one point from the sudden Oofie Ouchie #suffice to say i will be queuing this & then taking a day-long break from my hobbies #which are all hell on the wrist #which means i will probably leave the house out of sheer boredom #maybe ill watch spiderverse. go get a tasty Beverage. take a walk. summon the old gods if im in a silly goofy mood #just now realizing i probably drew wally too small #puppet wally. og wally light of my life. AHAHA OOPSIES TOO LATE TO FIX IT NOW 🥲👍

[nerdpoe]

Damian has been partnered up with Daniel in their Home Ec final.

And Daniel...is putting no effort at all into cooking.

Damian keeps trying to convince him to help, but Daniel keeps wriggling his way out of the responsibility.

Damian ends up having to handle the Turkey! Unacceptable! He does not condone the death of animals for food unless it is for survival! This part must be handled by Daniel.

He shoves the turkey in Daniels' hands.

There's a soft green glow.

He hears Daniel whisper a horrified "oh shit no".

And the very dead turkey that they were supposed to be cooking comes to life.

It is very, very angry.

#dpxdc #dcxdp #dp x dc #dc x dp #story prompt #phanfic #after it's all said and done damian scolds danny for not telling him about his meta handicap #danny is just too embarrassed #he gets removed from home ec the next day #apparently the principal hadn't believed him when he told them what would happen if he handled dead animals #they believe him now #crack fic

[dudethatsmyundeaduncle]

Had this Headcannon that when Multi-Lingual Dick and Jason get drunk they start singing Ballads in Spanish. Yeah some classical shit like Vicente Fernandez but also the most wild Selena you've ever heard.

#is this a post about Latinx Jason todd? Bitch it might be #Don't ask me about it tho cuz I'll deny it to my core #I imagine jason drunk off his ass belting No Me Queda Mas like he fuckin wrote the song #Dick's got Como la Flor Energy but he has ugly Sobbed NMQS too #they are so infamous for their drunk spanish ballads that they actually rub off on TIm #imagine young justice suprise when the whitest kid you've ever seen wasted on 7/11 liquor is hiccuping his way through a selena song #worst accent you've ever heard sounds like a dog from New Jersey learning to bark and yet the emotion is kinda on point #TIm denies it #refuses to believe he has ever done it #Dick and Jason get a copy of the video and someone edits a mash up of all three of them warble singing that banger #anyway this was a nothing post of nothing I made for myself #fr just for me #DC #Batman #Batfam #Jason todd #Tim drake #Dick Grayson

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Laios's three Boy Best Friends. And yes, they hate him.

#dungeon meshi #laios touden #toshiro nakamoto #chilchuck tims #kabru #BF in this context could be boyfriend or best friend. The line is so blurry. #Chilchuck less so but whatever is going on between Shuro and Laios & Kabru and Laios is giving strong: #“dude if you were a girl I'd date the hell out of you”. And from the genderswap extra's that sentiment is canon for BOTH. #This was made prior to the translation of the Laios & Kabru & Shuro restaurant date comic and honestly I am just feeling vindicated. #I don't even know what to call this dynamic other than a situationship. There is so much going on between all of them. #Even on a purely platonic reading - the miscommunication and male yearning for friendship hurt so bad. #When we got the Big Hug scene in the epilogue arc I was whooping and hollering! Pure catharsis moment! #I also don't like hugs very much so I really felt it went Shuro ('hates being touched') went in for the bear hug. #Do not get me started on the agony of 'always lying' Kabru telling the truth (I just wanted to be friends) #and 'always believes' Laios thinking it's another lie and brushing him off. #I am once again supporting dungeon meshi day by posting art. Please watch dungeon meshi. #obligatory edit because I’m tired: YES. Chilchuck cares for Laios and him admitting it was a huge part of his arc #YES he is more just fed up with him that actually hating him. #I needed a third guy to be canonically done with his ass for the THREE WEED SMOKING GIRLFRIENDS reference

[skrs-cats]

set after leafpool dies, before the bonus scene w jayfeather dealing w that grief gets resolved. guess who was bitter over a certain cardboard character bitch not being included in that

Next

#welcome to my blog where i *gets hit on the head by an anvil and i fall to hell* #do NOT underestimate lionblaze fans. there are five of them and theyre all fucking stupid #warrior cats #lionblaze #leafpool #squirrelflight #hollyleaf #jayfeather #to the anons in my inbox this is why i havent responded am sorry... will get to u guys when im done w this monster #art #im also having a lot of trouble figuring out the alt text for this. if anyone wants to help itd be greatly appreciated T_T #added ID in alt text! ty curlfeatherstar!!!!! (made a few minor adjustments since that is still in fact leaf in the third image- #squilfs walking towards her!)

[golyadkin]

I cannot express enough that if your reaction, as a hobby artist, to not getting that many notes on your art is to say "maybe I should just stop doing art altogether" you need to stop posting art to tumblr

not necessarily forever, not even for long, but just stop putting your art on here and start doing it for you again, remember why you enjoyed doing art in the first place and stop relying on the attention of faceless people on the internet for your enjoyment of your hard work

believe me, I get it, nothing crushes the artistic soul quite like labouring for hours on a piece only for it to get like 10 notes, so you need to find your own source of joy in the act of creation and a lot of the time that means making art and not showing it to anybody

#not art #listen #for real #this is not about any one person because i've seen posts about it from a bunch of people #you think i post everything here? buddy i dont even post half my stuff here #every drawing you see is preceded by five more just like it #that never see my cursor close to the save button #i have a sketchbook i draw in regularly that i do'nt show to a single goddam person #i make cutout art from gels i steal from work and stick them to my windows and do paintings in my living room just for me #because that it the only way you are ever going to be able to retain your original love of art #is by doing it for the sake of doing it #not for the sake of seeing how many people stop and stare #anyways i'm sorry if this sounds terse #but i'm so sick of seeing artists put all their self-esteem and happiness in the hands of a blogging website #stop selling yourself short by measuring your self worth by how many reblogs you get and what people say in the tags #your artistry and your happiness are worth more than that #if you're an artist for a living that's another story #but even then #even then #anyways sorry i'm done ranting

[francy-sketches]

cringe ass family ❤

#asoiaf #a song of ice and fire #valyrianscrolls #tywin lannister #joanna lannister #cersei lannister #jaime lannister #tyrion lannister #joffrey baratheon #myrcella baratheon #tommen baratheon #2 many of them......8 whole guys... #one day I'll draw a proper family portrait but for now all you get is floating heads. at least this time they have shoulders #um tywin looks weird idk whats wrong with him. like physically i mean. think i made his eyes too big #ive decided to give all of them slay earrings ❤ except i couldnt figure out what 2 give tommen so he doesnt have them 😔 #he does have his ears pierced tho ☝ maybe he like just got it done bc hes a baby #im aware thats not how that hat works btw ik the hair's not supposed 2 be out. idgaf #my art

[cloudyydraws]

more mario and luigi doodles but i took their mouths away

+ extra unfinished stuff under the cut

#the dear doppelganger weeg one is purely self indulgent bc ive been playing it on loop recently im normal #and i know doppelganger is a different whole thing than what he has but. hey its ok we ball #more spm on the way (i hope!!!!!! as long as i dont get distracted by avemuji or sekai for a bit) #most of this was practicing mario bc i still dont like the way i draw him tbh but i think we're getting somewhere #shoutout priv twt oomfies for dealing with my mario fix bullshit youre all so real #drawing these little guys is so much different from my other little guys i think thats why ive liked drawing them so much constantly #it just feels fresh for me!! i just get to fuck around when i draw them its fun to experiment again #ok done talking i like them a normal amount #mario and luigi #mario #luigi #super mario bros fanart #super mario bros #super mario fanart #spm #super paper mario #mr l #starlow #smb #super mario brothers #mario bros #mario fanart #art #fanart #my art #cloudy draws #nintendo #nintendo fanart

[ryonello]

bg3 companions !!

#my beloveds ......... #astarion #karlach #shadowheart #wyll #gale #lae'zel #baldurs gate #bg3 #my art #SPEEDRAN THESE GUYS SO FAST AFTER BEING ARTBLOCKED FOR LIKE TWO MONTHS OR SOMETHING #banked all the juice and then smashed it out in like two days . unbelievable #ANYWAY YEA wanted to get these done for sydozcc this weekend and will have them in my bigcartel also :3 #i hope yall like em !!! #baldurs gate 3

[heartorbit]

WHEEEEEE

#project sekai #pjsk #prsk #emu otori #i drew this insteabd of payong attention to class. Sorry. #And am posting it while i wait for the bus. I ha e sleey disease #SLEEPY. #emu otori from um . fortntie #Rhebusihesjehr THE BUS IS HERE BYYE #edit ok im back waiting for my transfer BROTHER. THE ANNIVIERYUAEYH it got me so fucked up prsk you crazy son of a gun #I THINK THE NEW OUTFITS ARE RLLY CUTE MIKU SOOOO KITTY #im almost done with all of my commsni dont think i will open them again this semester. or next. summer. Im sho tired #my assignments r fun but theyre like big. Theyrbe large #my prof said he was gonna make us make fur/sonas for an assignment hut didnt want to get fired. dont be a coward #proseka autism is killinng me i cant lie WHY IS DARKNESS FESTA TIERING SO FUCKING CRAZY #IVE NEVER EVER SEEN THE 10K CUTOFF REACH A MILLION POINTS ON EN. USUALLY WE SLACK SO HARD. COME ON #im so sleepy and have things to do please sotp it AND CURTAINCALL IM GONNA BE SICK I CANT TRHJNK ABOUT IT

[the-meme-monarch]

loop my beloved

#i don’t think ​I’m anywhere near being done with this game but if anything happens to any of these characters i’ll bite my hands off #the art gallery #in stars and time #i tried to do some dappled lighting but idk if i like how it turned out 💔 so i included the sketch #EDIT i feel like i should mention i know Full Well shit is going to happen if all the art of siffrin crying is anything to go by. i just kn #i just know that once i actually get there it’s gonna fucking wreck me JXSJSMXJMSSMXJSJ #ans i mean art of siffrin crying as in In The Game. i think it literally opens on an image of them crying ?

[glow-worms-are-believers]

Full Baby Back Guarantee Not Included (dp x dc)

“Look, lady. It was a joke, ok? I don’t actually want your newborn baby,” Danny said as he held up his hands trying to back away from the woman with a bundle of blankets in her arms.

“We made a deal, you can’t back out now,”  The woman said as she narrowed her eyes at him. “Your kind can’t break their words.”

“My kind?” Danny exclaimed incredulously, because what the hell was she on. “Lady, you are delusional.”

Then his eyes caught on the awkward way the woman was holding onto the bundle and he frowned.

“Wait a second.” The halfa’s eyes went big. “Is that even your kid?!” his voice turning into a shriek at the end. “Did you kidnap some random child?”

“It’s my sister’s,” the woman cut him off coldly. “She and the father are both dead.” That was pretty awful, Danny thought as he winced. But then she turned to look blankly at him.

“Nobody will look for her.”

Dear skies above, he was supposed to be the ghost here, why was he the one getting chills.

“Holy fuck,” the halfa let out softly. 

He had to get that baby away from that psychopath.

“What is it you want again?” Danny asked faintly.

“Make me the new chief operating officer,” the woman answered.

“What?” The halfa choked out.

“They’re giving the position to Shwartz this monday. You need to make sure that doesn’t happen,” she continued evenly as if she wasn’t currently selling a baby in exchange for a fucking promotion.

“Yeah sure, deal,” Danny answered, eager to get away from her as soon as possible. 

“Give me your word,” she insisted.

“I give my word, I swear,” the halfa said. “Gimme the kid and you’ll get your job.”

The woman looked at him for a second before seemingly being satisfied. 

She extended the bundle of blankets towards him and handed him the swaddle baby. As soon as the kid was in his arms, Danny zipped away, fully intent on never seeing the woman again. He sure as hell was not getting her that promotion. Not that he would’ve been able to, what the hell, lady? At least research better before making a deal for your sister's baby!

Though in retrospect, it was a good thing she hadn't.

As Danny flew over a few buildings, he thanked the ancients the woman hadn’t had any ghost restraining tech, and only the summoning ritual. Which was a thing he had not been aware existed but he he would have to circle back to that because, right now, he had a whole ass baby nestled in his arms.

What the hell was his life.

Danny slowed down the flight once he felt he had put enough distance between them and the psycho and landed on a nice patch of green next to a road. He looked around and took notice that they’d gotten out of whatever that city had been, or at least the more populated part. He gave a quick look for people or cameras around before de-transforming. If he was spotted with a baby in his arms, his human look would help his chance of not getting shot.

The halfa started walking away from the road and towards the green vegetation. Still walking, he took a deep breath before looking down at the baby.

“You ok, kid?” Danny asked softly as their small (so so tiny!) face twitched in their sleep. “Oh you’re sleepy, huh?” he murmured gently. “Sleep tight sweetheart, I’ve got you.”

Then he secured the blankets around the baby again, making sure none of the wind was reaching her. It was probably a her? The blankets were pink but he couldn’t know for sure since the psycho had only called her an it. Danny felt his lips curl. And as the night replayed in his mind, he felt the weight of the situation settle down on him.

Ancients what was he going to do?

He couldn’t pull up in Amity with a baby in his arms and no explanation of how he got her. He’d be arrested for kidnapping, which was technically absolutely what he was doing. But then again he couldn't just give that baby back to her aunt.

“What are you doing here?” came a voice from ahead of him.

Danny startled out of his thoughts to find himself facing an older man in a suit with a severe look on his face. The halfa instinctively brought the baby closer to his chest and the movement drew the older man’s eyes towards it.

Danny could see the realization of what it was he was holding settle and the man's face softened. He sighed deeply as his gaze went back up to meet the halfa’s.

“Despite what the media fancy printing, Wayne manor is not actually an orphanage.”

Danny had no idea what he was talking about so he just stayed silent and did his best not to look like someone who kidnapped babies.

The older man took the silence in stride. “If you need some help, there are programs to help young people in your situation,” he continued delicately.

Danny frowned as he tried to figure out what the guy meant by that before his eyes grew wide. “I’m not her dad!” He cried.

“I see,” the man said evenly as he looked back down at the bundle. Danny held her closer in response. “I see,” the guy repeated with a slight change in his voice.

The two held each other’s gaze for a moment before the older man sighed again. 

“Shall we continue this inside? It is getting windy and we wouldn’t want the little one to suffer, would we?” The man offered in a soothing tone.

Danny hesitated but one look at the kid’s face that had grown pink from the cold decided him.

“Ok,” Danny said. “Lead the way.”

And with that the three of them started  across the grassy lawn.

#Alfred think the baby is Danny's sibling and they ran away from an abusive household #I know this is all tropes that have been done before but dammit I'm doing them again #The batam trying to be in denial of the imminent new addition to the family or unsurprised and way too chill about it #Danny thinking he's found an ally into getting himself kicked out with Damian #only for Damian to get attached to the baby and then refuse to let Danny abandon his “sister” #Danny trying to get out of this mess of lies without letting it out that he 1) is not human 2) has totally kidnapped that baby #dc x dp #dp x dc #roxpoxwrote #roxpox

[nerdpoe]

There's the ghost of a child playing above Bludhaven

He's a short little thing, who glows and waves around a little sword. Sometimes he has a ship, sometimes he doesn't.

The kid keeps saying that it only fits that Bludhaven be his haunt, because it has "blud" in it and his name is "Youngblood".

Also he has declared Nightwing to be his nemesis.

Nightwing loves it; he gets to have at least one day a week that's just goofing off with a kid who can't be hurt by any of his regular villains. Their "fights" are more like play dates, if he's being honest, and Youngblood is a good kid.

Sometimes he's swinging from the sails of the kids ghost ship, dodging "ecto blasts", other times he's "teaming up" with Youngblood and "sword fights" another spectral Hero, called Phantom.

Generally, they all have a good time.

Until one day, he stumbles across some men in white suits actually managing to hurt the ghost child.

That day, the GIW learns that the most violent Robin wasn't the second one, but the first.

#dcxdp #dpxdc #dc x dp #dp x dc #i use all four tags cuz some people tag differently #may as well cover my bases #dick is youngblood's babysitter essentially #after dick gets done beating the GIW up #Phantom shows up and starts beating them up a second time #story prompt