#but ed has pretty hair and i needed to draw it haha

[opens-up-4-nobody]

:-P

#i did finish fma brotherhood ✌️ #check that off the list for my anime must sees #and like i get it. i get y ppl like it so much but idk it just never clicked for me #but ed has pretty hair and i needed to draw it haha #edward elric #fma #fullmetal alchemist

[soulwillower]

cleaning the room • richie tozier

(richie tozier x reader smut)

requested:  heyyy i love your work!! can i maybe request a Richie smut where their like in the middle of doing “it” but then someone calls the reader (maybe bev or eddie or sumn) and instead of stopping richie keeps going and so she has to continue the call and pretend like shes not in the middle of such unholy acts haha sorry if its too specific,, thank you!!!

warnings: swearing, smut, spitting, v light cum play, light light slapping (reader smacks richie bc theyre frustrated he was teasing them), unprotected sex, risky sex, talking on the phone w someone, use of the words whore/slut, degradation, this has literally no plot its all smut LOL

heyyy finally bback w a fic, i have awful writers block so this was all i could do. hope u guys like it

[ 18+ ]

1.8k words

♡

"richie," you purr, sighing with lust as your boyfriend's hands pull your hips harder towards his own, arching your back as his hand rises to gently push you down against the mattress. he hums, leaning down to kiss your lips hard, thrusting into you as your back rubs the sheets under you. 

richie leans back and his mouth opens to murmur something to you, but a ringing noise makes you jolt. both of you turn to look at your phone, which has lit up with the call from someone. richie sighs and you groan, arm reaching out to grope around for the phone as your other hand threads into richie's hair, tugging him as he slowly eases on his thrusts. 

"oh, god," you say, half moaning as richie's strokes slow, changing angles as he looks down at you with mischevious eyes. "it's eddie." you add, tossing your phone to the edge of the bed.

 richie hums, pulling out of you and grabbing the phone. you whine, looking at him, "no, please keep going, i can call him back later." you beg, desperate to feel richie again. richie raises his brows, "you know he'll just keep calling." 

you lean back, sighing because you know richie's right. "fuck you richie. fine." and then you snatch the phone, pressing the answer button. "hey, wh-what's up?" you ask, breathing slightly heavily. 

"hey, i was wondering what your plans are later. we need to get some supplies for the party." eddie says cheerfully, and you swallow. god, couldn't he have called any other time? at least this will be quick. 

you jolt but keep quiet as you feel richie's fingers gently run through your slick folds, thumb teasing your clit. you let out a short whine and gulp, "oh, uh, yeah i can-can hang out later, just not now-" you swallow. your face feels on fire, excited by the idea of possibly being caught. 

"you okay, y/n?" eddie asks genuinely, sounding concerned. you bite your lip so hard you think it may draw blood as you gasp, "yeah, just...not feeling good." you say, sharply inhaling as richie quietly chuckles. you send him a glare. 

"richie and i are c-cleaning his room and there's... it's hard work." you mutter breathlessly as you go up on one elbow, eyeing richie as he smirks, his hand trailing down to stroke his cock. you barely resist a moan as you watch him, biting your lip as you wish you could have him in your mouth. 

"okay..." eddie says absently, immediately dismissing your excuse as he launches into a conversation with you asking about what you're bringing to mike's surprise party on saturday. you're biting your lip as you fall back onto the mattress, heart racing as you think back to twenty seconds ago when richie's cock was inside you. "-and, you know, i think richie's bringing weed and some handles, but maybe if you still have your fake you could try and get us some-" 

but you accidentally cut eddie's sentence off with a sharp gasp tailed with a moan, because as you were listening to eddie, richie lined himself back up to your entrance and pushed straight into you.

your eyes are wide as you stare at richie, watching as he winks at you, finger going to his lips in a shush motion. you hate how immediate your shivers of lust flow through you, as richie starts to slowly thrust into you again. you roll your eyes but your face heats up as eddie's voice breaks the silence over the phone, "y/n, wh... -are you sure you're doing fine?" 

you pull your hand off your mouth, "yes! yes, i just-" you cough to cover up a moan as richie spits down onto your dripping cunt and starts to thrust harder, "i stubbed my fucking toe." richie's smirking darkly at your words, looking down at you as his large hand creeps up your body, splaying across your breasts and then to your neck, ghosting a squeeze before slipping a finger into your open, panting mouth. 

his other hand finds purchase on the skin of your thighs and he winks at you, moving his hips and hitting the perfect spot inside you. the pleasure you feel has your eyes falling back, toes curling. 

"oh. well make sure if it's bad that you ice it, because one time my ma stubbed her toe and she had to stay in bed for a week," and then eddie launches into a quick story and you hum along to make it seem like you're listening even though all you can think about is richie and how his hand is tweaking your nipples, splaying across your sternum, as you suck on his fingers. 

then he pulls his fingers out of your mouth and presses them to your clit, rubbing in a pattern that has you seeing stars. 

"-wait, you said you're with richie?" eddie asks and you cough, throat caught after having richie's hand on it, "yes, he's- he’s right here." you say breathlessly. 

"can you let me ask him something?" 

your eyes widen and you gasp a bit, making eye contact with richie. "s-sure, here he is."  richie's giddy face as he grabs the phone from you makes you nervous, but you bite your lip as he mutters, "hey, eds." 

it's quiet for a bit as eddie's voice drawls along on the other line and suddenly richie's pushing your legs up towards your shoulders and speeding up his thrusts, the deep angle almost making you scream in pleasure. his hand falls over your mouth, keeping you quiet as he leans over you, pumping into you and making tears of pleasure form in the corner of your eyes. 

richie mutters, “mhm? yeah, yeah.” to eddie, but the sultry way he’s staring at you and the way your nails are raking down his back make you wonder if the words are also for you. 

"yeah, she's helping me out, she's always so good like that." richie says, voice shockingly even for the way that he's fucking you into your mattress. and yeah, that definitely is for you. 

 the desperation and pleasure creep up on you alarmingly quick and you can't help the whimpers that quietly escape you - you thank god for the loud fan in your room to cover your noises. 

richie hums to eddie a few more times, then he slaps your thigh gently as you try to close your legs from the pleasure, knowing when you cum you won't be able to keep quiet. it makes you feel even closer, though. "yeah, eds, i can do that. now listen, i got something important to finish off here so i'm going to give you back to my girl." 

you bite your lip, feeling warm as you squirm under richie's touch, hands shakily taking the phone back from him and then richie’s kneeling above you, fucking you down into the mattress and filling you up fully. "eddie," you gasp, "i also have to go, i'll - i'll call you later?" you say, trying your hardest to hold off your orgasm as richie spits on your chest, licking and biting and leaving a love bite in the same spot as he thrusts hard into you. 

"sure, bye y/n!" eddie chirps.

and then the second your finger presses the off button you're a begging mess, eyes screwing shut as you reach up to grip richie's neck. his hands push your knees up towards your head, hitting a spot that has you clenching around him, legs shaking as your chest stutters.

 "please, richie, god, i'm going to kill you for that." you hiss, causing him to grin, "i fucking hate you, i hate you." you mutter, smacking his cheek lightly. the grin after you leave the smack makes you even closer to the edge, and his hands grip your tits as he leans towards your ear. 

his strokes are hitting you deep and hotly as he chuckles, "you liked it. i saw it in your face. pathetic desperation. i can feel it." he whispers against your clammy skin, his fingers brushing against your slick heat as he mutters. your cheeks are hot in embarrassment, and you whimper in need. 

you bite your lip hard, resisting a moan as a sharp cry falls from your lips, shaking as you beg, "richie, just - please, let me cum. please." 

"you're so pretty when you beg, look at you. perfect little whore, talkin' on the phone to my best friend while i fuck you." he mutters, hand caressing your burning cheek as you whimper. "all mine, so eager and willing to do whatever i want."  

you nod, "yes, i'm yours, just - please, please." you whimper. "please say i can cum."

he smiles as he kisses your nose, "would you do whatever i want?” 

you stutter an exhale, “yes! fuck, richie, yes, yes i would. i’m yours.” 

he smiles, “cum, then." you do after the next three thrusts, shaking and gasping and calling richie's name. the euphoria rushes through your body and makes your eyes roll back, chest rising and falling as richie rides you through your high. 

only a minute later, richie pulls out of you, hand moving to pump himself. "my perfect slut." he mutters as you sit up slightly on shaky elbows, tongue out and mouth open as you pant, richie's hand moving in quick movements as he chases his own high. then he's grabbing your neck and pulling you toward him, moans leaving his lips as he cums in spurts onto your open tongue and down your chin, a bit dripping onto your chest. his thumb caresses you, opening your mouth wider and smearing his cum on your lips, wiping it from your tits and slapping them lightly, pinching your nipples and making you grin up at him. 

and his chest is heaving as he smiles down at you, shaking his head as you swallow his cum, "christ, you're perfect doll." you tug his arms so that he falls down onto you and you're both chuckling as you become a tangled mess of limbs and beating hearts and blushy cheeks, sticky bodies cuddling close. 

"he's going to find out." you say after a few seconds. richie hums, "what makes you say that, sugar? it's not like you were all 'richie, fuck me harder, please, yes!' while you were on the phone. that was only after." he teases, and you smack his chest lightly, "shut the fuck up, richie. i hate you." you say through a laugh. he's laughing too as he pulls you even closer, kissing your hairline, "i love you so much, y/n." he says, smiling giddily. 

you pull his chin to you, kissing him sweetly. "i love you too, richie. but eddie's going to your place later, he's going to see that we didn't clean the room." 

richie laughs, shrugging as he runs a hand through his messy curls, "let 'em guess. it's funnier that way." and then he's kissing you, rolling on top of you and tickling your sides as you scream and squeal. 

tag list:  @gabiatthedisco @blisshemmings  @stenbrozier  @sft-core @clownsloveyou  @moon-shine-baby  @daughter-of-the-stars11 @trashedfortozier @oceandog13 @chl0bee  @kait16xo @upamongthestarss @fiantomartell @beverlyparkerr @beauregard-s @diorbubs @leighjaenikhowell @groovybimbo @deepestofwaters @unfortu-nate-ly  @sassy-uris @loverloserrr @hauntingkaspbrak @soph-ec @hockslutter @babytortie  @decafcoffeew @etaerealboy

#richie tozier x reader #richie tozier smut #losers club x reader #losers club smut #eddie kaspbrak x reader #not rly at all tbh but he's there

[greengay]

Ugh I agree with everything you said about Joey etc. It reminded me that sometimes I think Billie would have loved to have had a daughter. I feel like he has the capacity to raise a badass woman but was never given the chance.

Oh I agree! I think she would have been so fucking cool........but lol also fucked up with hella daddy issues

Also...and this is terrible to say, but whatever my blog is a steaming pile of 💩

I think the entire Armstrong clan struggles with weight issues.........J2 were a little heavy growing up.......Billie’s weight fluctuates a lot......Adie isn’t big, but she isn’t stick thin.........I can’t think of anything more traumatic than growing up the chubby daughter of a celebrity 😰

And have everyone constantly commenting on & judging your weight......that is just ASKING for a hella eating disorder.....I mean if you go back on Tre’s daughter’s IG, you can see she struggled with an ED by looking at her.......

Not to mention, from personal experience, it’s hard being born a woman and having your dad away for large amounts of time? My dad would go to Antarctica/The Arctic Circle/wherever else ice breakers are needed and would be away for 3-9 months at a time.....and ya know......sons usually get along better with their moms and daughters usually get along better with their dads (I mean obviously not always, but generally speaking)? So I think that would be hard

I think she would have done a decent amount of sports (my dad is into sports about as much as billie is, but was never good at them because he was short also haha....but he coached my softball teams from when I was 6-14), been into punk music and being a musician, probably been super short (Adie is about the same height as my mom and my dad is a couple inches taller than billie and i’m pretty short so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) and probably super spoiled haha. But I think she would have had a really close, friend-like relationship with Billie. I mean, I’m sorta frenemies with my dad??? And I draw the comparison cos my dad and billie have a lot of similarities (grew up poor, short, into the punk scene, has tattoos, not straight....tbh this haunts & vexes me, but my dad is a lot like frank iero bc in addition to everything i just mentioned, he’s italian-american and from new jersey lmfao)

ALSO there would probably be a lot of creeps out there who would love to sleep with the daughter of punk icon, Billie Joe Armstrong.......and like, generally.......creepy girls with crushes are, at worst, very annoying and moderately invasive......ya know......panic at the disco pube hair cookies.........creepy men with obsession uhhhh........kidnap and kill lol....or go above & beyond with their stalking because there’s a sense of entitlement over women

christina grimmie

john lennon

gweneth paltrow

selena gomez

lana del ray

taylor swift

kiera knightly

gigi hadid

ariana grande

and billie himself is a cult icon, so i can’t even imagine what his daughter would go through lol

i mean frances bean cobain is the daughter of kurt cobain, who i feel like was the other 90’s rock icon, and she couldn’t even press charges against her stalker bc he failed the psychiatric evaluation

ALL THAT BEING SAID, i’m sure he would have loved to have had a daughter.....i think he sort of treats v* m*y*gba from d*stroy b*ys somewhat like a daughter? she was the longshot merch person at some shows, he invited her to play on stage with him before, he hyped her up in rolling stone, he gave her a job at his guitar store, etc..... idk about their personal relationship tbh but i imagine he’s fatherly towards her, i dunno

#ray answers asks

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #425

“evolution repressed by our backwards contest  /  breeding our torrential demise as we come to this edge”

Serious question, peanut butter or nutella? I think Nutella is a godsend, but I use peanut butter waaaaay more often. We don't even really buy Nutella because I will destroy the jar. Do you prefer baked potatoes or mashed potatoes? Baked. What is your oldest sibling’s middle name? Kathryn. I think. Do you like breadsticks? I just like bread, man. What are your favorite things to spend money on? Tattoos, uuuuugggghhhhh <3 Which would you rather have a new puppy or kitten? Neither, really. Most puppies drive me insane (even though they're cute as everliving fuck), and I don't want another cat. Mom actually talked about getting another, but I really just want my one boy. Roman would get SO jealous, anyway. I enjoy just having my baby. How old will you be on your next birthday? 26. Yikes. Do you ever feel self-conscious when you eat around other people? As "the fat one," I can be sometimes. I would say though that more often than not, it's sort of whatever to me because I'm a human that has to eat. When you opened your eyes this morning, what were your first thoughts? I thought I slept way later than I actually did. What is one thing in the room you’re in that reminds you of somebody? My stuffed meerkat Rebel. Jason got it for me for my first birthday that we were together. Could you ever be friends with somebody who was homophobic? Never again. I was once able to think "agree to disagree," but sometimes by doing so, you're siding with evil by not enforcing what is more than just a belief. It should come with being a human. Also given my own sexuality, it would be a slap in the face to me. Would you ever want to be a supermodel, or date one? Hell no. I'd date one though, if they were modest about their position. Honestly, have you ever made fun of somebody so bad they cried? Wow, no. Honestly, would you rather be complimented on your looks or intelligence? Quite frankly, nowadays, my appearance. I need it. My self-confidence is so far below "shit." Have you ever purchased a pregnancy test, for yourself or otherwise? Nope. You can get one thing, anything, for free right now. What do you pick? Why? Hm. I know I talk about it a lot, but it would still probably be a 40 gallon terrarium for Venus. She needs - and deserves - it. Honestly, have you ever danced naked? NOOOOOOOO. What was the first illegal thing that you did? Did you get caught? Downloaded music. My mom eventually found out, but didn't care much. What is the home page on the computer you’re on? Google. Do you like to write poetry? I do, but I haven't done it in a while. :/ Are your ears pierced? Yes. If so, were they pierced with a piercing gun, or with a sterile needle? Piercing gun. Which, by the way, do not do. There are many more risks with a piercing gun versus a needle by a professional. Do you wear makeup regularly? I never do. Did you eat cereal for breakfast today? No. I've been on a bagel kick lately. When was the last time you tripped over something? Last night, actually. The rug in the living room was slightly turned up, and I tripped in the dark. I didn't actually fall, thankfully. Any obsessive-compulsive tendencies? I'm diagnosed with OCD. I experience more ruminations and intrusive thoughts more than obsessive behaviors, though. Who was the last person you yelled at? Probably Mom. Why did you yell at them? I don't remember. Favorite type of apple? I like pink lady apples. I really enjoy any, so long as they're crisp. Ever seen live horse racing? No. To be totally honest, I don't really like the concept of it. Motivating a horse to run by hurting it doesn't exactly seem moral... How about live greyhound racing? No. What’s one thing, besides the obvious, that you couldn’t live without? The Internet, haha. Have you ever touched a giraffe? No. What does your mom call you? Britt. What stresses you out the most in life? I really don't think I could pick a top one. There are so many. Do you play any PC games? What is your favorite? Yeah. Y'all probably know WoW is my favorite. If you were pregnant, how would you tell the father? Well, that would depend on the circumstances. Did we want a baby? Was it a bad surprise, a happy surprise? I can't answer this with just one idea. What’s the hardest level you can play on Guitar Hero? I used to be able to slam out Expert easily with only very few songs I had to play on Hard, but now it's been YEARS. I've played less than once in a blue moon, and my skill's definitely faded some. It really depends on the song. What ever happened with you and your first boyfriend? He couldn't handle my depression anymore. What’s your favorite country song? "When The Stars Go Blue" by Tim McGraw, probably. What is the worst thing a former boyfriend/girlfriend has done to you? Fail to communicate what he was feeling with me and then make a dashing break for it very, very abruptly after three and a half years. It put me past a state of shock, but trauma with how no less than obsessed I was with him. What were you for Halloween last year? I didn't dress up. :/ I wish I had the money and motivation alike to. Are you feeling guilty for something? I always will. Are you usually quiet or loud? Quiet. How many hours do you spend on the computer a day? Like... uh... all of them, oof. What is the show that you watched when you were little, and you still do? Meerkat Manor. Do your siblings text you? Not really. Do you want a small or big wedding? Small. Have you ever searched for your own house on Google Earth? Not the house I currently live in, but I have before. Who is your ex dating/talking to? I don't know. Ever kissed someone who smokes? No. Does it take a lot for someone to annoy you? Frankly, no. Do you own your own computer? This laptop, anyway. Did you ever have to share a room with one of your siblings? Yes, with my younger sister as a kid and pre-teen. What noises in the room you’re in, do you hear at the moment? I hear the video I'm watching, as well as my fan. Have you ever dated someone with longer hair than yours? Yes. What’s the biggest upcoming event for you? Nothing. Not like that's a surprise. What do you typically order from Wendy’s? Son of the Baconator. @_@ Have you ever been given a lapdance by an actual stripper? No. Those are so awkward to me. What do you love most about yourself? I don't know these days. Have you ever received a hickey from the last person you kissed? No. What are you doing right now? This survey and re-watching John Wolfe play Outlast 2. What’s bothering you right now? I'm immensely nervous about tomorrow. I have my first (and I pray the fuck to God not only) session with my new personal trainer then, and I'm terrified by how my body and my mental fortitude is going to react. Y'all have no fucking idea JUST how out of shape I am, and the muscles in my legs seem basically non-existent by now. I have to do something about my health, though, and I'm determined to make this shit work. More than determined. I know the first day is going to be hard, but I need to do this more than I can explain. What was the last thing you drank? ... What great fucking timing, I have a can of Mountain Dew, lol... That's another thing that needs to change. I've gotta stop the emotional and boredom-eating and chill the fuck out with soda. Be honest, do you like people in general? Quite frankly, no. There are plenty of people I love and think are amazing, of course, but I think I lean towards humanity being too shitty to like "in general." Do you want your tongue pierced? I miss my snake eyes. :/ That was suuuuch a cute piercing. I just had to take it out for the safety of my teeth. I kept accidentally clamping down on one of the balls when eating, and it would cause tiny fractures. Do you change your phone background a lot? No. Have you ever made someone so mad that they broke something? No. Have you ever been strip searched? No. Do you have a funny last name? Does anyone make fun of it? It's not funny-sounding, no, I just think it's too manly for me to enjoy as part of my name. Ever have a drug overdose? What did you OD on exactly? Yes. Oddly enough, I don't remember what I OD'd on now... You'd think I would, given how extreme the situation was. It was some cold medicine. Do you get sick of people who call themselves bipolar all the time? I absolutely do. It's extremely insensitive to people like myself who legitimately suffer - and I do mean "suffer" - from the disorder. Describe your day so far in three words: Dull. Lazy. Anxious. What was the most stressful project you had so far/while in school? Probably my senior project and the presentation I had to do for it. I taught about the fallacies and misconceptions of snakes, and I made a PowerPoint and some drawings to color and crosswords for the special ed children. I was so, so very nervous, but I got through it fine and the kids seemed to enjoy it. I actually still have the recording. Choose one- Butterfinger, Milky Way, Snickers: MILKY WAY. FUCK I love those. Have you ever stepped in dog poop? UGH yes. What was the last thing you spent money on? My niece's birthday present. Have you ever slept in the same bed with the last person you kissed? Yeah. Is there a guy that knows a lot about you? I almost said "yes," but then I realized he doesn't know me at all anymore. I've changed so much, hopefully mostly for the better. He hasn't "known" me in many years. Is there someone you just can’t imagine your life without? It's terrifying to imagine my life without Mom; Sara, too. Do you prefer Starbucks coffee or small cafe coffee? I prefer no coffee. Would you ever consider getting a piercing in your septum? Nah. Do you enjoy being outdoors? If it's cool outside and I have somewhere to sit that's not the ground, yes. Do people tell you that you have an accent? Sometimes. Do you enjoy watching fireworks on the 4th of July? They're pretty, but I don't support their usage by this point in my life. They're a fire hazard, triggering to some vets with PTSD, and beyond terrifying for animals. What’re some unspeakable subjects for you? I get most heated about child molestation. You do not fucking touch a child like that. I don't even write any of my bajillion evil guys committing it in RP because I just can't stomach it. Even when my little sister (a children's social worker) is telling Mom about some stuff she sees at work, I have to not be present, 'cuz that shit isn't rare. It's nauseating. Is there anyone you would take a bullet for? A good number of people, honestly. Do you enjoy tanning? Hell no, I avoid the sun and heat at like all costs. Are you a virgin? This is going to sound weird, but I actually don't know, but I lean towards no. Who’s your celebrity crush? mARK EDWARD FISCHFUCK Did or do you get good grades in English class? I was always excellent in English. What part of your body are you self-conscious about? My stomach. But I'm self-conscious about everything else, too. Are you expected to help fix Thanksgiving dinner? No. Everyone knows I can't cook worth a damn. Have you ever lost anyone close to cancer? Truly close, no. Unless you include pets, actually. Then a few. :/ Do you personally know anyone who is transgender? Yep. When was the last time you got a shot? Earlier this year for Covid. Get your fucking vaccine, btw. :^)

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''altaer" by 3teeth

[splendidshinobi]

FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST 2003 LIVE REACT: EPISODES 21-25

almost halfway done lads how we feelin'

episode 21: the red glow

ah yes barry

"i'm alphonse elric!!!!!" yes u r baby!!!

who just popped over the wall

scar im assuming

"i kill therefore i am".....barry spouting descartes rn

it was scar haha

um

hi greed

thought i saw you earlier

WHY DID THEY DRAW HIS ARMS THAT LONG

ope he found the chimera crew...

jerry jewell's evil laugh gets me every time lmao he's so great

ed has deep philosophical talks bro

also ed is chaotic but his personal morals are unshakeable

who are these prison guards gonna release

oh hey kimblee

oh hey squad

ed take out ur pokeball

um wth is that

OH MY GOD TUCKER WHAT

EW

I THOUGHT IT WAS A GIANT YODA OR A SWAMP MONSTER

he looks FUCKKEDDDD

bro of all the things i was not expecting him

oof ishval flashbacks

young scar why is your hair brown

why is it white now

WHY IS HE NAKED

whos her

lust 1.0 im assuming

ew omg tucker is literally so fuckin nasty lookin idk

idk why but he's worse than rod reiss titan for me

wait a damn minute

wait a damn fucking minute

goddamnit

what is GOIN ON

i need tucker to stop whispering he sounds like fucking voldemort on the back of quirrells head

jesus

episode 22: created human

hughes' pajamas look like armin's futon from aot junior high

the bad place???? was that greed's prison gluttony was lookin at?

im still shook af over tucker and tbh its been like 24 hours since i watched episode 21

STOP WHISPERING TUCKER

driving me up a wall

my poor son looks so tired :(

those moral principles at it again

bradley.......

ewww the way tucker walks STOP

hi envy!!!!!

so all of those prisoner guys gonna get flattened by some alchemy

hey kimblee!!!

so did greed escape with the homies???? cause i feel like he would have made his presence known already....

i feel like im missing a lot because im a ding dong

musty prison kimblee is kinda...hot....physically speaking..oops..personality wise obviously there's MUCH to work on

so envy knows hohenheim

ED BABY

he won't do it

oh no alphonse

oh god memory implants

al's identity crisis CONTINUES

they wanna become humans??? huh....doesnt really make sense for their characters...(maybe envy but more on that at 11)

is ed gonna kill these guys for al

some1!!!!!! hold!!!!! me!!!! im so stressed

is he pretending to do it and he's got another plan up his sleeve!!!!????

honestly he's so depressed i cant even tell

those unshakable moral principles at work again i see

the red water can turn ed into a god???? wtf ed doesnt want to be a god he wants to punch god

oh theres the greed squad! i found them!!! is kimblee joining up with them

maria girly!!!!!!!

THE HOMUNCULI IN THEIR STUPID UNIFORMS I--

who's the lady. i need 2 know.

episode 23: fullmetal heart

alphonse is destroyed again

poor kid

"edward sir" brosh pls!!!

oh excuse me--- ***Bloch

The Ross Slap™

winry <3

pinako takes no prisoners

ed didnt you JUST tell brosh and ross they might be right that you needed to trust adults with more shit and now youre blowing off hughes

ed's DRAWINGS im-

hi sig hi izumi!!!

al is so sad over there in that corner

poor baby son

sometimes i feel like hughes and mustang are ed and al's divorced dads

the little arakawa avatar cows in the back im CRYING!!!!!!!

“bean”

snappy al

ooffffffff

omg hughes plz

elicia is precious though we love her

"dad's friend the bookworm" omg sheska

awwww gracia made edward a cake!!!!!!!

god catch me cryin in the club

CONGRATULATIONS

"whatever" al im crying he's so sad

AL MADE BROSH OR WHOEVER CARRY HIS DESTROYED ARMOR TO THE ROOF IM ACTUALLY YELLING

"you goof"

yes winry you are correct boy is a goof

sir you are being so dramatic

give that baby a hug

"so called brother"

so we all know that was a knife through the heart for ed

al just jumped off a FUCKING ROOF and ED TRIED TO FOLLOW

so im crying

i liked this better when they HAD A CONVERSATION ABOUT AL'S FEARS AND MADE THE FUCK UP

episode 24: bonding memories

guess we're gonna play w my emotions again

sometimes like....one bit characters talk...like villager b ya know? and im like who are you i know that voice

so the nasty military has come to ruin some lives again

and barry for some reason

aww poor al

youre real you are!!!!!!

i just feel like people would know people that wear sunglasses in the rain would be ishvalan

but what do i know

obviously they dont have the white hair thing in this version

poor ed is so sad

these boys need a hug 

let me just *pulls out adoption papers*

well if scar doesnt have queen mei to adopt in 03, he’s got this little toothless boy

dont lie al you do care

ew i dont like her

the drama of this boy

so the nasty military has come to ruin some lives again part 2

apparently they are *mercenaries??? excuse me

i have some questions regarding this kid’s mom

well you know i can see why this kid feels this way about his mom

it does look like she ran off...

al and scar dream team up

HEY ED!!! HEY WINRY!!!

bout time

yall gonna have this talk now????

barry STOPPPPPP

brotherhood barry is the true king there i said it

damn scar you baddie

barry like....you already knew him

anyway

WHAT THE HELL

NO RICKKK!!!!!!

someone save this boy!!!!

oh good his mom “saved” him

ah damn thats pretty tragic

she didnt know they were right in front of her

ow

well my questions were answered

so she attacks with grape fanta. thats one way to do it

ed looks like such an angry gremlin right now this is a heartwarming moment sir please

why are ed and scar being so civil right now this is so weird

bye scar

we’ll see him again

see you later scar

episode 25: words of farewell

maes who let you buy that awful pink suit 

gracia please it better not have been you

mustang ew please

dont open the door lookin like that

what the hell are you doing in here 

so hughes WASNT in ishval here?

i think that takes a lot away from his character but anyway

bradley hangs around like a creep at every possible instant

why would bradley care about ishvalan refugees like hughes cmon

“unspeakable crimes” BRADLEY YOU LITERALLY CANNOT TALK

juliet douglas is this lady’s name

only took me 1000 episodes to figure that out

ED AND AL??? NOT DEALING WITH DANGEROUS THINGS??????? dont make me laugh assholes theyre lying thru their teeth

izumi time lets go

wow we’re still going to rush valley? wasnt really expecting that tbh

elicia i LOVE you!!!!!

ew kimblee “hi”

how did he lightning himself like that

if i were ishvalan i would not go to the south....yet ANOTHER war torn region of amestris but ok

okay

an amestrian desert biker gang rolled up to wreak havoc

HUGHES AHAHAHA 

tbh i wouldnt want to tell roy anything either stupid bitch

anyway

um why do i feel like its hughes’ death episode

he would not be shown tucking elicia in to bed otherwise 

please im not ready to be hurt again

oh no

yeah he just learned something about our girl juliet

ive been waiting for this information 

he’s gonna die before we learn anything helpful

yupppppp

hey lust figured you’d show up sooner or later

i too wish i could look that sexy pulling a kunai out of my forehead

SLOTH????????

did girly just say SLOTH

i- nothing about her seems particularly slothy but ok

u know what!!!!!!!!!!!!

ENVY HEYYY

DUMBASS ROY JUST HAAAAAD TO LEAVE

haha famous last words

oof it hurts every time

not the FUNERAL scene no!

time for me to go 

peace out homies im dead inside

yes my brigadier general 

NOT THE RAIN

COME ONNNNNN

hughes is sneezing six feet under

was ed supposed to be looking at hughes’ ghost

um....right

#carol watches fma03 #carol's remaining brain cells #fullmetal alchemist #fma 03 #zoo wee freaking mama #thoughts i have THOUGHTS

[ghostxguts]

perfect places | reddie♥

                  ♥one - now i can’t stand to be alone♥

eddie’s car had broken down in the middle of a particularly bad thunder storm storm. he was stuck on the side of the road. he tried to call bill or stan but his phone is dead.

 that was  when an old beat up truck, covered in band stickers pulled up. the owner of the truck, a gangly teenage boy, got out. he clutched an umbrella. eddie had left his at home, he hadn’t been expecting a storm like this. 

“you need some help with that?” the boy from the truck questioned.

 eddie was hesitant at first but that boy might have been his best shot at getting out of the rain. “yeah kinda, you know anything about cars?” 

the boy smirked and shook his head. “i don’t know shit about cars, but you can use my phone if you want, or i can give you a ride?”

he didn’t seem like the type to kidnap teenagers off of the street and murder them but what did eddie know? he wasn’t going to take any chances with the ride...but maybe he could make a call or two.

“no i don’t need a ride, but my phone’s completely dead. can i borrow yours to make a call?”

“yeah totally!” the boy handed eddie his phone, and stood next to him so his umbrella would give both boys protection from the storm.

his lockscreen was a photo of himself and a tall, red-haired girl next to him. eddie noticed the boy’s messy black curls, the freckles covering every inch of his face, and his thick-lensed glasses. most people would find his glasses dorky and his unkempt hair to be too scruffy, but eddie found it somewhat endearing. 

“yes i know i’m attractive,” the boy pretended to toss his hair, “but don’t let that distract you from making a call.” he smirked.

eddie’s face flushed. how on earth did he know eddie was thinking about him? eddie then realized he had been staring at his lockscreen (more specifically the boy in the lockscreen) for a solid thirty seconds. 

“what? oh uh sorry...” eddie dialed bill’s number and explained his situation. bill would be there in thirty minutes, which meant eddie was stuck awkwardly standing on the side of the road with a boy whom he’d never meant.

it was silent for much too long.

then the boy cleared his throat. “um i’m richie, richie toizer.” he extended his hand for eddie to shake.

eddie shook his hand as his other arm was wrapped protectively in front of his stomach, as if eddie was hugging himself.

“eddie kaspbrak.”

“nice to meet you eddie spaghetti!” richie gave a crooked grin.

eddie pulled his hand back and now had both arms wrapped around himself. he frowned. “don’t call me that.”

“why not?” richie tilted is head, questioning. 

eddie shrugged. “it’s stupid.”

“i think stupid can be fun sometimes.” 

“well i don’t.”

“to each their own i guess.”

richie moved to open the cargo bed of his truck, and sat upon it. eddie didn’t move. he continued staring at the strange, messy-haired boy in front of him.

“well are you going to sit under the umbrella or are you having a good time standing in the rain over there?” richie frowned.

“i don’t want to sit in the back of your truck.” 

“what, why?”

“i don’t know if i should trust you yet. my mom always told be i should be careful around strangers.” eddie wrapped his arms around himself tighter.

“well if you came over here, eddie spaghetti, we could talk and then maybe we wouldn’t be strangers anymore.” richie smiled.

eddie glared at the boy with the stupid grin. he wanted to smack it off of his freckled face at that moment. who did this boy think he was?

“i’m not going anywhere near you until you stop calling me that.”

richie put his free hand up in surrender. “okay okay, i’ll stop.”

eddie made his way over to richie and climbed up next to him.

it was quiet between the two for a few moments, besides the sounds of cars occasionally passing by or a boom of thunder sounding off in the distance.

“so eds, tell me about yourself!”

well at least he wasn’t calling him spaghetti anymore...

“well i’ll be in honors classes when school starts back up, i like art, and i read a lot i guess.” he stared at his feet, drawing invisible circles below him.

“hmm looks like we have an egghead on our hands.” richie laughed.

eddie looked up at him, glaring, for perhaps too long. richie cleared his throat uncomfortably. 

“sorry, i was just teasing. sometimes i don’t really think about what i say before it’s out there.” richie gestured to the air.

“yeah well it’s whatever, i don’t care.” he did care. “ tell me about yourself richie.”

richie scratched the back of his neck, thinking of the more interesting aspects of his life. “well i used to be in a band but our drummer moved before summer started so now it’s just me and my girl bev. she was the girl on my lockscreen. she’s pretty cool, excellent singer, killer keyboardist. she’s really fun too!”

“is she your girlfriend?”

richie laughed a little too loudly. “bev? no haha, but that’s pretty rich. me and bev...i’ll have to tell her about that one, she’s gonna lose it.”

“i was just asking.” eddie grumbled, a hint of annoyance laced his tone. he didn't like being laughed at, but who did?

“bev is a lesbian. she claims she has a long distance girlfriend in california but i’ve never seen her so i call bull; anyways even if she was straight i wouldn’t date her, not that she’s not datable because if i was straight i’d date the hell out of her, but i’m not straight. i meant to say that first...” richie seemed to lose his train of thought.

“so...are you gay?” 

“yeah!” richie smiled but then his demeanor instantly changed. “you don’t, like, have a problem with gay people, do you?” his tone shifted to that of an accusatory one.

“what? no, absolutely not. that’d be weird if i did becaus... i’m gay too.”

richie seemed to relax at that answer but the words hung in the air. eddie had quickly looked back down at his feet after he had said them but he knew richie was staring at him. he could feel the boy’s deep brown eyes burning holes through his neck.

“interesting...” richie finally said.

“i guess so.” eddie mumbled.

just then bill’s car pulled up. 

‘thank you bill.’ eddie thought. he didn’t know how much more of that he could stand. why was it interesting to richie that eddie liked boys? he had an idea but it seemed silly to even consider it a possibility. it didn’t matter though. bill had showed up and he would help eddie and eddie wouldn’t ever have to see the messy-haired, freckle-faced, mildly invasive, boy ever again.

although something in eddie’s mind told him that wouldn’t be the case.

#it #it 2017 #it chapter two #losers club #losers #lorde #richie #eddie #richie toizer #eddie kaspbrak #writing #fanfic #finn wolfhard #jack dylan grazer #stranger things #lgbtq+ #lgbtq #gay #otp #ship #perfect places | reddie #gay fanfiction #it fanfiction #bill denbrough #beverly marsh #sophia lillis #jaeden martell #stanley uris #wyatt oleff #pennywise

[edwardslostalchemy]

ohh for the character list thing, can u do todoroki, iida, and/or uraraka?? - c

You both know me inside and out ahhhh

@alartes-draws @midoriyaizukustan

This is under a read more bc it’s so long alfajfalk

Shouto

favorite thing about them

GOD he’s my absolute favorite so like everything is my favorite thing about him. But my #1 thing that I absolutely adore is that he is very willing and open to grow and to like accept criticism. I know for a fact I don’t like receiving criticism. But him? Izuku has yelled at him to like basically get him to see that he had to make the fire quirk he had his own rather than associate it with his father. That’s TOUGH to do. That’s YEARS of self-hatred and abuse and repressing his power and just looking at it as a way to see his father. But he took Izuku’s words to heart, that he could do with his fire quirk what he wanted because it was his. And he grew so much because he accepted his words. I would have been like “You don’t know me! You don’t know what I’ve gone through! You have no right to tell me that!” But not Shouto. Shouto has taken other types of criticism from Aizawa as well, telling him he depends on his quirk and that’s why he went after him first during his final exam. And then he was able to realize “Huh, I really should have given Momo a chance to tell me her plan, she had something to say.” And then he has her tell him her plan. And then during Kamino, (yes, Tenya got on his case, but he was like “we aren’t gonna fight, we’re gonna sneak around, my dude”) when they were against the wall and Izuku is like “I have a plan!!!” He’s like “TELL US YOUR PLAN”. Like he is not the only one who gets to take charge and share his plans. Also when in*sa was being very passive aggressive towards him, Shouto went up to him and asked if he’d’ done something to him and when he told him about their past, Shouto was like ah fuck I fucked up, but I liked that he was willing to confront this very large guy to resolve this issue. He is like very accepting and open to new ideas and he makes mistakes and still goes off on his own (provisional license exam where you at), but he is still able to take these like criticisms and examples and learn from them. He’s a great character and his growth has been so progressive and amazing and I am so thankful to Horikoshi for this character holy shit. 

least favorite thing about them

I hate that he calls k*tsuki his friend despite k*tsuki being a God awful character. Shouto, sweetie, you deserve better friends. k*tsuki has been compared to endeav*r, your abusive father. Please please, you have the whole izucrew and class 1A (except m*neta) right there. You can have Momo and Izuku and Tenya and Ochako and Eijirou as your bffs. Please honey, please, I’m begging you. Please stop calling him your friend. He is not a friend, he is bitch ass gremlin. 

favorite line

[softly] “Midoriya”

brOTP

OOF I love him with Momo (rich kids bitching about shit), OCHAKO (brother/sister dynamic where they bicker and talk in code, thank you Redd and C), Tenya (such a wholesome friendship), Izuku (they would be super close best friends come on), and of course him with Fuyumi and Natsuo having a nice sibling relationship with a hilarious group chat to boot (have you read make this feel like home by carolinaa? If you haven’t, go read it, it’s so good and the group chat they have, that is what I’m talking about, that’s the good stuff.) I like him with class 1A in general (except k*tsuki and m*neta ew gross). 

OTP

TodoDeku!!!! This has got to be my favorite ship I’ve had thus far in my fandom experience. Like I’ve had OTPs where I’m absolutely wild for them (fr//–//uk, haru//–//michi, ever//–//lark, ed//–//win) and I’ve given my 110% like I am giving this ship, but like….this ship……..is so damn SOFT. And it gives me the warm fuzzies and it makes me so incredibly stupidly happy and I want them to be happy and they’re just so precious WOW. 

nOTP

Mmmm every other ship BUT SPECIFICALLY todoyikes (aka todonono aka todo//–//momo), todo//–//baku, ina//–//todo. These three ships really give me the Stroke^TM feeling like I need a squeeze toy and happy messages when I come across them. Big No Nos. Never mention them to me unless you want to hate on them with me. I would say every other todo ship is my notp, but I can tolerate them, like I’ve seen ships like iida//–//todo and shou//–//chako (went into the tag bc I’m not a fucking coward *five minutes later* haha lmfao never mind), and they’re okay. 

random headcanon

I have so many, but one of my favorites is that as a pro hero, he has so much Dad^TM energy and adopts all of his interns and treats them so kindly. He is supportive of their education and growth and basically just wants to see them succeed in life. He loves his interns. they’re all his children. 

Another random headcanon is that Shouto has a beautiful singing voice and he got it from his mother. He sings when he feels particularly sad or when he wants to cheer up (himself and his friends and siblings), and he also writes lyrics at times. He is also good at playing guitar, but is shy about expressing these talents, until the izucrew catches him singing in the kitchen while he was cooking one time. 

unpopular opinion

I like that he’s oblivious, but also I believe that once he gets older, he is not as dense anymore and learns to pick up on social cues. BUT he likes to pretend to be dense and fuck with people. 

song i associate with them

I listen to the OST more often than not and I really like Nevertheless, Go Beyond. That song comes out when he arrives at the battle vs. HKS. It gets me hyped. As for a song with lyrics, I like the song Weak by AJR. It’s really good. There’s an AMV that I’m just like bruh…yes. 

favorite picture of them

I love whenever he is on screen because he is so pretty, so basically all of the series is my favorite picture of him. 

BUT ALSO

AND THERE’S MORE

DO IT FOR HIM

Tenya

favorite thing about them

HE’S SO EARNEST AND REALLY INTO THINGS LIKE HE GETS ME TO DO THINGS. HE’S ALSO REALLY PROPER??? I LOVE THIS SQUARE BOY. Also his dedication to everything he does, absolutely everything he has ever done has had so much enthusiasm, he’s so passionate. Also him standing up for the girls when m*neta wants to harass them. We stan an icon. 

least favorite thing about them

I don’t like that he punched Izuku in that one episode when k*tsuki gets kidnapped and the kids are like “We’re gonna go save him yeet”. I understand where he was coming from, but I still didn’t like that. 

favorite line

[To Izuku, holding him back from leaping into danger against AFO] “I will…protect you!”

brOTP

Izuku, Shouto, Momo, Ochako, Aoyama, everyone in class 1A can be in a bromance with him (except k*tsuki and m*neta bc he deserves better). 

OTP

Iichako! I love love love them so much. He really cares about her!!! And she really cares about him!!!! I also like him with Momo!!! And Mei!!! And Aoyama!!! 

nOTP

With Izuku and Shouto. I just cannot. I think he sees them as brothers more than anything. 

random headcanon

He helps his classmates train to improve on their speed and he gives them tips as well as stretching exercises and routines since he knows what to do with speed. 

Also when he’s a pro hero, he owns an agency with his brother and they are both the bosses and he takes care of a lot of administrative things, so he may not get to do a lot of hero work like the heroes that work for them, but he does get to go out into the field often and trains interns. 

unpopular opinion

Tenya with long hair and an undercut is good. Give it a chance. 

song i associate with them

Runnin’ by Adam Lambert is a great song!!!

favorite picture of them

Look at how precious he is!

Ochako

favorite thing about them

I like that she is figuring out how to be her own kind of hero. She also is into self-improvement and I admire that she went to intern under someone like Gun Head to learn hand-to-hand combat! That’s really rad! She’s here to kick all of our asses!

least favorite thing about them

I hate how everyone tells her she has a crush on Izuku instead of her figuring it out on her own without prompting. Like please let her have her character arc without it including her feelings for a guy. Let her have her character development. Let her shine without this coming up for God’s sake. She is such an amazing character and I love her so much. Please I am begging. She deserves her own background and history. I don’t want it to focus on just her feelings. That’s just ugh. it leaves such a bad taste in my mouth, it’s really personal. 

favorite line

I can’t remember the lines exactly, but when she’s talking to her dad, that scene really hits me in the heart. That entire conversation, I really felt that. Thanks for the feels, Horikoshi.

brOTP

MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE IS SHOUTO AND HER AND I THINK WE ALL KNOW THIS, BUT LET ME JUST SCREAM ABOUT IT FOR A LITTLE MORE. I LOVE THESE TWO SO MUCH WHAT THE FUCK. THEY HAVE THAT DYNAMIC I DESCRIBED ON MY SHOUTO BROTPS AND LIKE JUST PICTURE THEM HAVING REALLY FUNNY, AGGRESSIVELY FRIENDLY CONVERSATIONS, PLEASE OPEN YOUR 3RD EYE AND UNDERSTAND WHAT I’M SAYING HERE, THEY ARE A GOOD BROTP, THEY ARE BFFS, THEY WOULD LEGIT TAKE A HIT FOR EACH OTHER. I’M ASCENDING I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. 

I also love her with Izuku, Tenya, Eijirou, Tsu, Momo, the rest of the girls, Mei, Aoyama, Tokoyami, pretty much everyone except those two characters I keep mentioning that I don’t like. 

OTP

Iichako! But I also like her with Tsu and Momo. 

nOTP

Izu//–//Ocha (I have talked about this on my blog and it rings a personal chord with me so I cannot bring myself to like it, plus it feels so forced and I just can’t get into it and I don’t care for it), k*c//–//chako (just no, she deserves so much better than that)

random headcanon

She becomes the combat specialist for the agency she works for in the future. She is very skilled in hand-to-hand combat and trains the heroes and sidekicks. Nobody can beat her. She is the best fighter in the agency. RIP villains and anyone that takes her on. She can even beat Izuku, Shouto, and Tenya, who are arguably super strong and big burly men. She is not smol though. When she’s a pro, she’s ripped, she’s muscular and very agile and quick. Beware of her. Once she enters a fight, she comes out victorious. She will come for your kneecaps. 

unpopular opinion

Ochako is fucking feral. Did you see her fight k*tsuki??? She really came for his throat. She should have won. But Horikoshi is a fucking coward. What a shame. 

song i associate with them

I like Fight Song by Rachel Platten for her. 

favorite picture of them

A PRECIOUS BABY

#shouto todoroki #tenya iida #ochako uraraka #there are ships mentioned here so like yeah be aware of that #bnha #anonymous #alartesdraws #asks #thank you two ohmg alfkajfl #Anonymous

[the-is13]

A Pinch of Salt

Description:  You didn’t expect to be working tonight. It was a regular Friday night, or so you thought. Two beautiful men happen to come into the small pizza joint, one with particularly captivating hazel eyes.

Characters: Jared, Jensen, Reader, OFC’s OMC’s

Relationship: Jared x Reader

Warnings:  None really, cursing? A bit of fluff

Word Count: 4046, wow that surprised me

A/N: So this is my first fic, I read a lot but have never wrote anything. This stemmed from a dream I had. For the purpose of this fic its set in early stages of the boys filming Supernatural. Jared is a bit younger, late twenties. Him and Gen are friends but nothing more. This purely fiction! I mean no harm to J2 or their families, I love them all the to moon and back. Any hate will not be tolerated. Please be kind and let me know if you liked it! 

Beta: A GIANT shoutout to @team-free-will-you-idjits-67 for being a beta and pretty much helping me get this right, haha pun intended. You rock chick. 

Oversized t-shirt, fuzzy socks, warm cup of tea, and netflix. That’s how you typically spend your Friday nights since you aren’t one to go out or party. You like your space.You’re content with the quietness of just sitting and reading a good book or just watching netflix by yourself.

That’s how you’d like to be spending this friday night, but alas, Susan called in to work.Again. Apparently her little boy is sick, for the third time this month. You’re pretty sure he’s fine and that she just has a date. It wouldn’t bother you if she would just ask and tell you the truth, but of course, she lies. Well, at least you think she’s lying.

Oh well, more tips for you.

So here you are, at Pete’s Pizza on a Friday night. It's not too busy, but its not slow either. Pete’s is a pretty good place to eat, lots of beer and, of course, plenty of variety on pizza. The owner, and head pizza master, Jimmy, is an amazing cook and is always trying new things to put on pizzas. It's a popular spot. If you didn’t work there, you would probably eat there too.

You’re busy turning in another order for this weekends special; spicy taco pizza with extra jalapenos, when your coworker Nancy bumps you roughly.

“Sorry, y/n!” She went to turn away from you and tend to her own tables when she exclaimed, “Oh! A few guys just sat in your area.” She placed her hand beside her face like she was trying to cover a secret she was about to tell you, but you knew whatever she had to say wouldn’t be quiet. “They seem like a rowdy bunch too.”

You sigh, “Great. First the Johnson’s, now these guys.”

Everyone knew the Johnson’s, they were regulars, the kind of customers you hate: rude, always blaming you for everything, and nitpicking every single thing. od forbid there be an onion out of place on their pizza. They had five kids. Seriously, five, and they were ALWAYS misbehaving. But of course, it was never their fault, according to their parents. You thought differently, they all needed a good whoopin’. On top of it all, they never, ever, tipped. No matter how hard ANYONE tried. It was very taxing to say the least.

Grabbing your pen and paper you waltzed off to table 8 and tried to put on your best smile. You really wanted to make some money tonight, afterall you needed to pay the bills.

“Welcome to Pete’s! What can I..” Looking up from your pad you started to stutter as you noticed who was in front of you. This couldn’t be. You had to be dreaming, it wasn't real. You stared into his hazel eyes, the captivating blues, greens, and speckles of brown. He smiled, oh lord, his smile, so bright and white.

“Wh-what can I start you off with tonight?” You stuttered. Wow, you made a sentence. You were pretty sure you were going to faint.

“I think I’ll have a beer, what ‘bout you Jay?” Oh god, his booming voice, if he spoke another word you might turn into a puddle right then and there.

“Yeah, beer sounds great right now.” said his friend, his best friend. Of course you knew him, well, knew of him.

“I think we’ll just take two beers for now” He smiled politely brushing some hair from his face.

“I-I, I’ll.. be, right.. B-back with those” You smiled back, trying not to sound so foolish, but damn, how could you not? Jared fucking Padalecki and Jensen fucking Ackles just walked into Pete’s, and sat in your area!

You let Nate, the bartender that night, know you needed two beers asap. Then you whipped out your phone to text your best friend, Hannah. You two had been through hell and back, knowing each other practically since birth or before since your moms attended lamaz together. She shared your healthy obsession with Supernatural and all things cooperating. She had to know what was happening. Now!  

Y/n:OMG!! HANNAH YOURE NEVER GOING TO BELIEVE THIS!!!

She quickly wrote you back, knowing you had to work this evening

H: What’s up? You get a $100 tip or something, ‘cause that WOULD be unbelievable!

y/n: Wow bitch, thanks. NO this is MUCH MORE EXCITING!!

H: Well.. go on with it…

y/n: JARED AND JENSEN ARE HERE

H: …

You’re joking right?

y/n: OMG NO! WHY WOULD I JOKE ABOUT THIS!? I KID YOU NOT, THEY ARE BOTH HERE SITTING IN MY AREA!!!!!! IM GOING TO DIE!!!

H: BREATHE! You need to be cool, or at least as cool as you can be. Hehehe

y/n: Shut the fuck up, im cool.

H: uhhhhuh you keep telling yourself that.. ;)

You waited for her to be serious, since she probably thought you were joking. The realization of your truth hadn’t hit her yet or else she’d be freaking out as much as you were. You waited, watching her little dots letting you know she was indeed typing back to you. You didn’t get a chance to read it as you were snapped out of your world with your best friend by Nate.

“Eh hemm, y/n, you busy over there, or you wanna take these beers?” You nearly jumped out of your skin. He had been staring at you, watching you frantically typing away on your phone. “OH! Yes, thanks Nate,” you said with a wink. Nate and you flirted all the time but you never really meant anything by it. You were pretty sure he had a crush on you though. You could feel him staring at your ass as you walked away.

Approaching their table you made sure to take some deep breaths. In and out Y/n, in and out, you reminded yourself. With a polite smile you were able to speak, “Here’s your beers, gentlemen.” You didn’t want to seem like the fangirl you were, knowing their names, so you stuck to the informalities. “Are y’all ready to order?” As you smiled once again, trying to keep your excitement under control.

Jensen spoke first this time “Yeah, I think so. That speciality pizza sounds pretty good darlin’. I think we’ll have two with a side of cheesy sticks,” he said before sending a quick wink your way. You gulped, knowing that he definitely noticed you staring at them. Who would blame you though? They were such fine men, and they knew it.

Scribbling down their orders legibly as possible, all while trying not to fling your pen out of your hand like an idiot you chirped, “I’ll put that right in, be out soon”.

You went to grab their menus, meeting Jared’s eyes once more and drowning in the sea of colors, causing you to accidentally knock the salt over on the table. You watched in horror as the top flung off and covered Jared’s lap with salt.

“Oh! My gosh! I’m, so, so sorry! Let me get a towel, I’ll clean this up, sorry.” You rambled. You thought you were playing it cool, but obviously not. You scolded yourself for being so clumsy before you ran off to the kitchen. Handing Jimmy their order quickly, you went around the door of the kitchen to the closet to grab a rag.

Jensen nudged Jared as they watched you run away “Dude, I think she knows who we are. he seemed a little flustered, doncha think?” He hit Jared in the shoulder, noting how he wasn’t phased that his lap was saltier than the ocean.

Jared winced as he rubbed at his arm,”Ow! What?”

Jensen stared at Jared with a ‘are you serious?’ look. “Didn’t you hear me? I think she recognized us.” Jared’s attention had returned to the direction you disappeared in. SNAP SNAP SNAP  “Dude, what is your deal?!” Jensen spoke with a little more irritation as he waved his hands in front of Jared’s face.

Jared finally turned to him and stuttered a little “Uhh, yeah, whadya say Jay?”

Smacking his forehead a little dramatically Jensen exclaimed, “Have you heard a word I said? Like, at all?!” He talked louder than he had wanted, drawing more attention to them than he planned.

“Do you really need to shout?” Jared questioned. “I Just wanted to go out and relax tonight and you’re trying to make a scene!” He snapped.

Finally looking down at his lap he tried to gather as much of the salt he could and dump in onto the table. Scooting back in his chair, he stood up to shake some salt off but heard a soft ompf as he stood. He bumped into you, nearly knocking you down.

Now it was his turn to apologize.

Spinning around quickly he grabbed your wrist before you could tumble all the way down, yanking you a little hard as you ended up with a face full of his chest. You couldn’t complain though, he smelled delightful.

You crained your head upwards to look at him, seeing his mouth moving but the words not registering in your head. You probably looked like a fish out of water, jaw slack, eyes wide.

“You okay?” He repeated. Finally, you snapped out of it. Blinking rapidly you managed one word “Yeah..” Jared smiled softly, “You sure? You’re sorta staring at me like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Retreating from his hold, you internally scolded yourself for the third time of the night. This was Jared Padalecki. You couldn’t be looking at him like a damn knight in shining armor. This was not a fairytale. This was real life, or so you hoped. You straightened yourself out a bit “Uhm, yeah, I’m good, so sorry again. Let me clean your table,” you clipped out.

“It’s okay, no big deal really. It’s not like you a-salt-ed me, or anything,” he said giggling, trying to lighten the mood. But failing to contain his laughter from his own joke. Jensen smacked his forehead once again and thoroughly rolled his eyes.

You lifted your head and just stared at him, was he kidding? You couldn’t tell, all you heard was assault. Immediately you assumed the worst, he was going to press charges because you spilled salt. My god how stupid were you! So fucking stupid, you should’ve just stayed home!

“I’m so sorry Mr. Padalecki, please don’t sue me,” you squeaked out. Your voice barely above a whisper, afraid you’d burst into tears on the spot.

Realizing you didn’t take his joke well, he started to back track. Holding his hands up almost defensively. “What? No! I was joking! It was a joke! I’m not going to..” then it clicked, you called him ‘Padalecki’.

“Wait, you know me?” He said with a raised, questioning brow.

“Uhh.. hmm.” Stuttering slightly, your brain went into overdrive to try and explain yourself. But it was working too fast trying to form the correct words. You cleared your throat trying to remain calm and collect yourself. “I guess you could say that, I mean I do watch ‘Supernatural’..” you looked towards Jensen “So yeah, I guess I do know who you are, both of you.”

Jensen’s face lit up “I told you dude! I can always tell when they know!” he exclaimed.

You could feel heat creeping into your cheeks, embarrassed because you thought you were playing it cool. Maybe Hannah was right. You were just a waitress at a pizza joint, and this was Jared fucking Padalecki we were talking about here.

Without saying a word, you began to turn away and head back to the kitchen or to check on your other tables. Hell, almost literally, anywhere but right here.

“Hey…” Jared had snached your wrist once again, “Don’t worry about it, its okay.. D-do you want to take a picture.. Being a fan of the show and all..” he trailed off motioning to Jensen.

“Uh, yeah.. Sure, as long as y’all don't mind.”

They both chuckled lightly, wishing you could hear that sound forever. It was such a beautiful sound, much different in person. “Nah, it's no problem, afterall we try to maintain a good relationship with our fans,” Jensen drawled with a wiggle of his brows. You weren't sure if he was just being friendly, or if he was displaying some of Dean’s flirtiness.

You were still slightly embarrassed as you pulled out your phone quickly, closing your recent conversation with Hannah. You tried to angle your phone to get a good selfie, but you couldn't really capture the behemoth of men behind you. Jared lightly and plucked your phone from your grasp, knowing you were struggling to get a good picture. “Here, let me..”

Click click click

He took a few pictures to make sure you got a good one. You had the the attention of almost the entire restaurant now, since you spilled the salt all over Jared and were now snapping pictures with the two of them.

“There ya go, I’m sure you got a good one.” Jared said handing your phone back to you.

“Thanks..” You trailed off, looking down to try and hide the blush creeping onto your cheeks as your fingers brushed his in the exchange.

“Y/N!! Y/N!!” Mrs. Johnson yelled from across the room waving her hand like the lunatic she is. “Y/N!! Come here!”

Huffing a bit, you quickly said additional ‘sorry’s’ to Jared for making a mess and ‘thanks’ to them both for the pictures. Taking a deep breath, before dealing with the table from hell, you turned on your heel making your way to their table.

Meanwhile, that was the first time Jared had heard your name, y/n. You were too caught up in who you were looking at to introduce yourself upon taking their order. ‘Y/n’ he thought it was a beautiful name.

“Yes, Mrs. Johnson, how can I help you?” You said as you plastered on a fake smile.

“We need more napkins, what do you keep stocked in these things? Two napkins?” she said in a snarky tone while tapping the napkin dispenser. Trying to refrain from commenting on how her children used half the restaurants napkins because they were either such a mess or building a damn castle in the bathroom with them, you made your smile even wider.

“I’ll run and get more right now Mrs. Johnson.”

Turning away from their table you were halted by her grabbing your elbow and not so whispering in your ear. “That performance was horrendous, spilling salt all over that poor boy, just for him to take a picture with you. Pathetic.”

You ripped your arm from her grasp and gave a tight lipped smile, “I’ll go get those napkins now, be right back.” Heading towards the backroom once more, you heard her muttering to her husband how ‘sad and pathetic’ your life was. Like she should give a damn about your life.

Sometimes you wished people would just mind their own damn business and keep their mouths shut. Afterall, that's what you did. You were never one for confrontation. Even as a child, you hated arguing with your older brother or your parents, you just kept to yourself. You never really stood up for yourself. You took the blame for so much, even if it wasn’t your fault or you didn't do it, you took it. You didn't want to upset anyone.

You dropped a huge pile of napkins off with the Johnson’s after taking Jared and Jensen their pizza’s. All while Mrs. Johnson kept nonchalantly whispering about you, either to herself, Mr. Johnson, or ‘non-directly’ at you. It was really tiring.

You tried to keep a smile on while checking on your other customers and, of course, Jared and Jensen. You really wanted to talk to them about the show, their lives, or anything else for that matter. It was still hard for you to believe this was real.

Between the Johnson’s, their herd of children that you constantly cleaned up after, the other customers, and Jared and Jensen, you were feeling a little worn out. Nate could tell, he kept asking if you were okay, to which you always replied with a kind smile, and ‘yup i’m good’. It was nice for him to be concerned about you. He was always a nice guy. He never pushed too far with the harmless flirting, never talked behind your back, and he always made sure you got your tips. It was refreshing after being walked on most of your life.

Jared and Jensen ate their pizza slowly and drank their beer a little faster than they ate their pizza. You kept bringing them refills and could tell they were getting a little loose. Not that you were to judge, it must be hard being famous and all. Plus, you pretty much ruined their evening. They kept smiling at you though, letting you know everything was fine, and damn, were they.

After the Johnson’s finally left and things calmed down a little, you stood behind the bar with Nate making idle chit chat.

“Do you know them?” He asked, pointing to where Jensen was currently laughing at Jared for some joke he made. “I saw you taking pictures with them..”

You were currently making heart eyes at the pair, after all, who wouldn't? They had some damn good genes. You realized Nate was talking to you and not a customer. “Oh, what? Know them? Do you not?”

He just shook his head ‘no’ looking at you like you had two heads. “Am I supposed to?” he questioned.

“NATE!” You said just a bit too loud, causing Jared and Jensen to look your way. You just smiled and turned toward Nate, blocking yourself from their view. “Do you really not know who they are?” He shook his head again peeking around your shoulder to look at them.

You tugged his shoulder and scolded him for staring. Now you were pot calling the kettle black. “They’re famous Nate, that’s Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles. They star on the show ‘Supernatural’, it's like the best sci-fi, drama, family show, ever!” He was still looking at you like you were crazy. “Nate c’mon, you've never watched it?”

You could tell he was wracking his brain by the look on his face.

After about a minute, or what felt like it, he finally spoke up. “Hmmm, Jensen… Ackles… I think he was on Smallville right?” You’re face lit up with excitement but you tried to contain yourself. “YES! Yes, he was! He played Jason!”

“Soo, you took a picture with them?” He pondered. You looked a little dumbfounded, would he not have? I mean, what if he was to meet someone famous? Just pass them by? Nate could tell by the way your face was twisting up in that sour look he thought was so cute, you were not pleased with his answer. “I mean that's pretty cool right? You can tell your grandkids you met ‘the stars of supernatural’,” he said a little too sarcastically as he waved his hands in the air like he could see the headlines of it.

You were still a little offended he was making fun of you but laughed it off and lightly pushed his shoulder. “Oh stop it Nate! You’re just jealous.” He smiled a little but then noticed the guys you had been making heart eyes at were getting ready to leave. “Hey..” he pointed in their direction, “I think your friends are leaving.”

Turning around quickly and nearly tripping over your own feet again, you noticed they were started to fight over the check. You could barely hear them arguing about who paid last time and who drank more. Mustering up all the courage you could, you put one foot in front of the other and marched towards their table. They both looked up at you curiously. “Beer’s on me guys, afterall you put up with the disaster I made earlier and were kind enough to take a picture with me”

They smiled widely, both slightly tipsy, you could tell their emotions were genuine, which made your heart flutter.

Jensen spoke first, running his tongue out across his lip, “That’s mighty kind of you darlin’,” he drawled, his southern accent peeking out more from the alcohol.

“Jay stop flirting, you’re probably scaring her! Then she won’t pay for anything!” Jared said with a wink and grin that made your knees weak.

You took in their drunken state light heartedly. They were much more kind than the other guys who would come in, get drunk and try to cop a feel. Not that you would mind if it was them though.  You’d let Jared or Jensen feel you up all day or night.

You waved Jensen off, “Its fine, not like I’ll ever see y’all again..” you trailed off, the thought making you a little sad. You had enjoyed watching them interact, even if it wasn’t with you.

Jensen piped up with a smile that would shatter the moon, “I wouldn’t be so sure about that, sweetheart”, he winked and was out the door in a flash. That left just you and Jared, standing there like awkward teens at the school dance.

Jared nervously ran his hand through his hair and scratched the back of his neck. You were in awe. He looked so beautiful, even with the nervous behavior he was displaying.

“W-would you mind if I asked you for your number?” He stammered

You blinked, what was happening, was Jared fucking Padalecki asking you for your number? You pinched yourself and jumped, he was still there, awaiting your answer.

Noticing your apprehension he began to turn away “It’s fine if you don’t wanna give it to me, I know we just met and all..”

“YES” you replied a bit too eagerly. “I mean, yeah, you can have my number,” you spoke as you grabbed your notepad and quickly wrote it down, handing it to him.

He looked at you shyly, “Thank you, y/n for everything.” He flashed that bright smile and waved before turning to leave.

You stood there for a moment longer, shocked that what just happened, had indeed happened. You gave Jared PADALECKI your number.

Maybe he wouldn’t even contact you, maybe he was just trying to be nice. That was it, he was just being nice, I mean, from what you had seen about them in the media, they were generally nice guys.

You finally moved from your place, noticing that you got off in 10 minutes. You decided to just go ahead and start your cleaning duties and head home. You were wiping down Jared and Jensen’s table picking up a few napkins noticing something written on one. Flipping it over you had to slap your hand over your mouth to stifle the gasp that left your lips.

“Y/n, you are too beautiful and kind to be working here, and you are not pathetic. I did kinda like the a-salt though ;)”

Was delicately written and tucked inside was a crisp $100 bill, by far the best tip you’d ever received. Hannah would be eating her words and you couldn’t wait to tell her.

You did the rest of the cleaning and closing with Nate rather quickly. Anxious to get out of there and phone your best friend.

Biding goodnight to Nate and Jimmy, you rushed to your car, about to grab your phone to call Hannah when a little ding let you know you had a text. Figuring it was her, you click the screen to light it up. Of course you had 12 texts from her wondering what was happening and how she needed the ‘dirty details’. Rolling your eyes you scrolled down noticing you had a text from a number you didn’t recognize. Opening it, you could have burst into tears from the fire in your heart.

I loved the pizza, beer and taking a picture with a beautiful girl, hope to see you soon. :)  -Jare

Clutching your phone to your chest tightly you sighed and pinched your leg.

Ow, nope not dreaming, you thought to yourself. Now you really couldn’t wait to get home and tell Hannah.

#supernatural rpf #jared padalecki fanfiction #jensen ackles fanfiction #jared padalecki x reader #jared padalecki fluff #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural fluff #jared padalecki and reader #sam winchester fluff #sam winchester fanfiction

[wildwestcoaster]

You get to do all of the odds now haha

Haha I guess I had that coming!

1. Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?

Spotify!

3. What color are your eyes?

Blue, but they change to green or gray depending on my mood, the weather, or what I’m wearing.

5. What is your relationship status?

Single. Ho hum.

7. What color hair do you have?

I’m getting used to saying brown because it used to be blonde but anesthesia is a bitch and ruined my hair. 

9. Where do you shop?

Target, Sports Basement, Amazon…lots of online shopping.

11. Favorite social media account.

@_the_undressed_chef_ on instagram. He is HILARIOUS.

13. Any siblings?

A half brother, but I have never met him. 

15. Favorite snapchat filter?

I don’t use snapchat. I only have it for bitmoji.

17. How many times a week do you shower?

At least seven. It depends on the week’s activities.

19. Shoe size?

I’ve been wearing a 12 since 4th grade. Tall trees need good roots.

21. Sandals or sneakers?

Both. Again, depends on the activities. I practically live in running shoes, though.

23. Describe your dream date.

Honestly, the activity/activities don’t matter to me as long as both people are comfortable and enjoying each other’s company. That’s what matters.

25. What color socks are you wearing?

I am currently sockless. 

27. Do you have a job? What do you do?

I do! I teach middle school special ed.

29. What’s the worst thing you have ever done?

Well, I try to not do bad things. I’m sitting here racking my brain and I guess I’d say recently ghosting someone I had been on two dates with and just wasn’t vibing with is pretty bad. I still carry some guilt because of it.

31. 3 favorite boy names.

Patrick, Declan, and Thomas.

33. Favorite actor?

Hm….the first person the first person to come to mind was Jack Black. Though now I’m thinking of Dennis Quaid and Tom Selleck.

35. Who is your celebrity crush?

Chris Evans. Am I right, @madoddthings?!

37. Do you read a lot? What is your favorite book?

I love to read. It is one of my favorite things to do. That being said, I haven’t been able to concentrate on a book since school started. I read The Boys of Winter every year once the NHL season is over. Other than that, the McKettrick Cowboys series by Linda Lael Miller is my favorite. Oh, and Harry Potter. Beartown by Fredrik Backman is my most recent favorite, though. I could talk about books all day lol.

39. Do you have a nickname? What is it?

I have a few. They don’t get used much anymore, though. My uncle calls me Lambchop, my mom calls me Sarrie or Sarah Beth, some friends call me SareBear. I got the good ol’ Jolly Green, Sasquatch, and Amazon Woman growing up. They still make me chuckle.

41. Top 10 favorite songs.

How am I supposed to choose? I’ll have to come back to this because it’s a pretty impossible list to make. One of my current favorite songs, however, is The Piano Guys’ version of Fight Song/Amazing Grace. It gives me goosebumps every time I hear it. 

43. What is your skin type?

Eh, I have pretty average combination skin. Oily T-zone. Everything else is pretty normal.

45. How many kids do you want?

If I have kids, I don’t think I would want more than two.

47. What type of house do you live in?

An average house? Three bedrooms, two baths, etc, etc.

49. What was the last compliment you received?

My district’s sped director dropped by my classroom and observed for a few minutes. My principal then told me that the sped director loves me and to keep doing what I’m doing; that I’m doing better than I think I am. 

51. How old were you when you found out that Santa wasn’t real?

I honestly don’t remember finding out. I think it was a gradual thing? But really, I have no idea.

53. Opinion on smoking?

Tobacco? Unless it’s an occasional cigar, absolutely not.

55. What is your dream job?

Special ed teacher. Go figure.

57. Do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?

Depends on the quality of the product!

59. Do you smile for pictures?

Always.

61. Have you ever peed in the woods?

Yes, but I am not good at it, if you catch my drift!

63. Do you prefer chicken nuggets from McDonald’s or Wendy’s?

McDonald’s with sweet and sour sauce!

65. What do you wear to bed?

A t-shirt and a pair of chones. Sometimes I’ll lose the shirt, though. Apparently, I move a lot in my sleep and I don’t like the tangled/constricted feeling. 

67. What are your hobbies?

Not that I have time to really do many of them right now, but reading, hiking, taking drives, traveling, exploring, cooking, baking, knitting, drawing/coloring…

69. Do you play an instrument?

I used to play piano and clarinet. I would like to get back into piano.

71. Tea or coffee?

It depends on the mood or time of day. I’ll go for fully leaded coffee until around noon, unless I need to be up later than normal. After that, I’ll have decaf or tea. 

73. Do you want to get married?

I would definitely like to, yes.

75. Are you going to change your last name when you get married?

Unless his last name is more difficult to pronounce/spell than mine, then yes I am. Come at me, feminists. My last name is my father’s and I have no reason to keep it. I should have changed it when I turned 18, but didn’t because the paperwork was overwhelming.

77. Do you miss anyone right now?

I do.

79. Do you believe in ghosts?

I’m not sure. I think so?

81. Last person you called?

The receptionist at my dentist’s office lol.

83. Regular Oreos or golden Oreos?

Regular!! I’m not a heathen.

85. What shirt are you wearing?

The race shirt from the 2016 Big Sur 5k.

87. Are you outgoing or shy?

A little bit of both. Depends on the situation and the people. Although I am much less shy than when I was younger.

89. Do you like your neighbors?

Most of them. My neighborhood has gone down the crapper the last few years, so there’s a small crew of us who keep a lookout for each other. Good neighbors are really hard to come by.

91. Have you ever been high?

Hahahahaha yes. 

93. Last thing you ate?

Chickpea rotini with homemade spaghetti sauce with brussels sprouts on the side.

95. Summer or winter?

Winter for sure!

97. Dark, milk, or white chocolate?

Dark or white on occasion, but milk is my first choice.

99. What is your zodiac sign?

Taurus!

[the-last-airbadger]

My 2018

It’s time for my annual evening of reflection everybody! The moment you’ve all been waiting for! It feels kinda weird to make a post like this because I feel like I haven’t done this kind of thing in ages, but it’s tradition and I like making these, so I’ve got last year’s post right with me and I’m ready for some reflection!

The Beginning of 2018 vs. Now Honestly, I don’t really remember much from the beginning of the year? I just know that I was working as a postman back then and that’s basically all I did during that period. It was cold outside, I disliked my job and I was unsure of which subject to pick to study in university. I also had some pretty bad dysphoria days around like... march? I don’t really remember. It wasn’t all bad though, I already felt a lot better than the year before and I was optimistic that it would get even better in the future. 

Best things about 2018 The very best thing to happen this year was my top-surgery. I’d been waiting for the moment I got my surgery for more than 2 years and the dysphoria became increasingly harder to deal with. On top of that I was constantly scared that something would happen that would cancel or delay my surgery. Not being able to get surgery was my #1 fear. Now, I finally can put that all behind me. I’m not fully healed yet, I still need to wear stickers to make my scars less visible, but I haven’t felt any dysphoria since my surgery. I’ve honestly never been this happy with my body. I’m still not perfect and still waiting for some testosterone changes (hurry up beard) but apart from that I am actually.... done... with my transition... whoah

The second best thing of the year was starting university. I honestly love going to school everyday, and I’ve already made a lot of new friends. I even don’t hate doing the homework, and I’m actually motivated to work hard and succeed. University has made my life so much better and I honestly haven’t been this happy since 2015. Bless uni.

Another thing that comes to mind (or things, really) is all the people I saw live this year. I saw Paramore in january, Markiplier in feburary, Evanescence in march, Dan and Phil, Ed Sheeran AND Queen in june, Jacksepticeye (for the second time) in October and Maria Mena (also for the second time) in December and every single one of those events was amazing. I crossed a lot of things of my bucketlist this year haha. Now all I need is to see my favourite kpop groups live (but I’m going to Day6 next month so I have high expectations)

There were more good things this year but they were mostly minor things. SHINee released some amazing music, LOONA debuted, I got into Stray Kids and Seventeen, discovered lots of great music, I (finally) quit my acting class after nailing the main part in our last performance, and I got my driver’s licence. I started driving lessons is Feburary, then had my first exam in june, failed it, took a small break, started again in october and finally got my licence in november. I hated those lessons with all my heart and they really depressed me, so when I finally passed and got my licence, I threw the biggest party lmao

My resolutions for 2018? So here it is, the moment of truth. I don’t even remember last years resolutions and I purposely didn’t look them up so this would all be a fresh new surprise. I always love looking back at these. That’s like 90% of the fun of making them

finally decide what to study - I’m studying English language and literature in Leiden right now and I have tests next week haha

Get Top-Surgery - Did That. Hell yeah

Write at least 100 pages of a story - I have written a little more than the previous year, but I still don’t think it’s more than 10 pages... that’s dissappointing.

Accomplish my reading challenge on goodreads - ...another fail. But! I read 24/35 books this year and that’s already 2 more than last year so there’s progress. We’ll get there eventually.

Start University - You already know the answer to that

Make new friends - Did that too! I’ve got a group of friends from university and they’re awesome

Quit my acting classes - Another success!

Learn how to drive - Even got my license ;)

Improve my drawing skills (maybe make a comic?) - Hmm I didn’t really draw much this year, and I definately didn’t make a comic, but I still think my art has improved slightly so that’s kind of a win?

Reach 300 followers on tumblr - BOI. DEFINATELY DID THAT. I’ve got 812 followers as I’m typing this right now.

Get more than 20 subs on Youtube and consistently create content for my channel - I’ve got 27 subs right now, and I’ve posted every single week. I was only late like once or twice in a whole year. I think I can call that a success.

Learn Divenire on the Piano - Ouch... still only know half the song. That’s a failure.

Dye my hair - Sadly, didn’t do that either. Hopefully next year

Continue to shower every day - I think I only skipped like 5 days in total so I’d call that a success too.

Start working out/exercising regularly - ...fail

Get new glasses - Success!

Expectations for 2019 Oh, I haven’t really thought about this. I kinda just expect a year of going to university and living an average but calm year. I know I’ll have 3 weeks off in january, in which I plan on reading a lot of books and just chill.  I’ll also go and see Day6 live in january (I’m so excited holy shit), and then in febuary my mom will move, so I’ll get a new house. Then I’ll probably pass my first year at university and start my second year. And that’s about it. Oh, and I’ll probably go on holiday to Sweden in the summer, but there isn’t much else I expect. I just expect a chill and happy year to be honest. It would also be great if I got a boyfriend/girlfriend but that’s more a wish than an expectation lol

2019 Resolutions?

Dye my hair (let’s give that another go shall we)\

Get a good haircut

Get a tattoo

Move out of my parent’s house (that’s a bold one)

Accomplish my reading challenge on Goodreads (I really want to accomplish that 35 books goal, it’s starting to haunt me)

Get tickets for A.C.E.’s concert

Get swol 

Communicate more with the people around me

Don’t let other people’s opinions shape my actions

Pass my first year at uni

Go swimming (I haven’t done that in 3 years)

Grow a beard (plz universe)

Learn how to make flipbooks (it looks really cool)

Learn how to knit (I really wanna make my own sweaters)

Read books on storytelling and learn more about how to tell a story

Develop my story more

Write at least 100 pages

Spend more time with my friends, both new friends and old friends

I think that’s it for this evening. I hope this was somewhat enjoyable to read, and I wish all of you an amazing and happy 2019!

[askpolylosersclub]

I just want to mention that y’all are some amazing people and that every single one of you is important and that’s something none of you should ever forget. ❤️ I also want to ask that all of you say what you love the most about each other everyday because it’s always nice to hear things like that and you never know when someone needs to hear it.

Thank you so much, chickie~ It’s so lovely of you to say something like that. I would LOVE to make a list like this, about my wonderful boys, so that’s what I’m gonna do. I’m sure most people will agree with me on this stuff, so it’s okay if I do it all, haha~

His fashion sense is so weird and eclectic, but it’s bright and colorful and playful and we love it (even those of us who pretend not to).

He’s super super smart, even though you might not think so. He might even be the smartest out of all of us, naturally, he just doesn’t put the work in, haha.

HIS HAIR! Richie’s hair is ABSOLUTELY AMAZING, period. No one would ever disagree with me. It’s like his best feature.

He’s so tall you feel a cross between ‘awww, my lanky giraffe baby’, and ‘holy shit he’s tall and I’m wet’.

He’s all skinny and you can wrap your arms right around him like four times.

His glasses are fricken ADORABLE.

And he’s so blind with them off and that’s cute, too.

He’s SUPER TALENTED. Like, he can do voices and impressions and he’s a brilliant actor, he can dance, he can sing, he can play instruments, and he’s just great at making people LAUGH, and isn’t that one of the best talents of all?

He has super cute freckles basically EVERYWHERE. He’s like a sky full of stars all on his own.

He’s beautiful, and he makes jokes about his appearance, because I don’t think he even realizes how gorgeous he is, and that humility is beautiful, too.

Did you mean, ‘my future husband and the most beautiful man in the universe, inside and out, Ben Hanscom’?

He’s the literal definition of a gentleman.

He’s ADORABLE with a capital A. Like, everything makes him shy, he can’t talk about sex out loud, he’s just the sweetest guy in the world, and every time you see him you’re compelled to like…squish his beautiful face.

ATHLETIC. Like, so athletic my ovaries are crying.

But he’s super smart, too, like…what?

When he talks about books his face just lights up and I wanna cry and protect him forever.

Not that you would need to, because he’s brave and strong, too.

He’s just so calm and laid back, he’s really lovely to be around all the time. Literally nothing about him could ever make you mad or upset or stressed out.

Caring and respectful.

I don’t think I’ve ever even heard him curse out loud before, in my entire life.

THE literal sunshine

The happiest, kindest, loveliest man you will ever meet.

He loves animals so much and he talks about them literally every day. Like, catch Mike over breakfast talking about how much he loves elephants and how if he met an elephant in real life he’d cry.

TALL, DARK, AND HANDSOME??? YES.

Can always cheer you up, no matter what. Someone just mugged you and stabbed you in the chest? Hey, don’t worry about it, Mike Hanlon is here, and pretty soon he’ll have you convinced that being stabbed was a positive experience in your life, that made you a stronger person. And in the meantime, he’ll patch you up, make you some hot cocoa, and tuck you into bed with a kiss on the forehead. Then he’ll watch over you while you sleep so that nothing bad ever happens to you again.

SO. STRONG. He could probably carry all six of us at once.

The voice of an ANGEL.

Literally knows everything. Like, you wanna know a random fact you think nobody will know the answer to? Ask Mike.

An adorable nerd.

The best cook in the world. Like, move over Gordon Ramsay. Mike will make you the best meal you have ever had, AND he will never shout or curse at you while he’s making it. He’ll probably just give you compliments and sing your favorite songs.

Fearless Leader. And I mean, literally FEARLESS. Bill isn’t scared of ANYTHING.

But somehow, he’s also the cutest, most softly-spoken human being on the planet. He’s the literal dictionary definition of SOFT. Look up the word ‘soft’, and there’s a picture of Bill Denbrough.

And he probably drew that picture himself, because he’s such an amazing artist, and I mean drawing, painting AND writing!

Cares about his friends and family more than anything in the world. We know he would die for any of us without a second thought (not that we would want him to or let that happen, obviously).

HIS STUTTER IS THE CUTEST SHIT EVER.

Stunning. Beautiful. Handsome. Pretty. Gorgeous. He’s just really good-looking, okay?

TALKS TO INANIMATE OBJECTS LIKE THEY’RE PEOPLE. Like his bike, his car, his laptop…

Eyes that are so piercing and blue that if you look into them you’ll die, but it will be totally worth it.

Bill has the nicest, most pleasant voice you have ever heard in your life. You could listen to him read the obituaries and you’d still be super relaxed and also like ‘awwwww’.

SO. CLUMSY. AND. WE. LOVE. IT

A little angry baby.

So tiny you just wanna pick him up and carry him around in your pocket and feed him little teaspoons of sugar water.

But on the flip, FEISTY AS SHIT. Like he could probably beat the crap out of literally anyone, but he’s so pretty that you wouldn’t even care if he beat your ass into the ground.

SO. PRETTY.

His eyes are so huge and brown and sparkly and he has the longest, thickest lashes I have ever seen like…girl, tell me your secrets.

Gets embarrassed about stuff super easy and it’s actually adorable. Even though everything about Eddie is adorable. Period.

Seems kinda dense about some stuff, especially like grown-up things like taxes and laundry and sex cooking, but is also super into science and knows all of this insane terminology and like how micro-organisms work and stuff. He’s a SMART. BOY.

Boxing AND cheerleading. Like he’s so strong and aggressive and he could probably bench-press any of us, but his favorite color is baby pink, and he loves dancing to pop, and his favorite singer is Ariana Grande. He’s the epitome of FEMININE POWER.

Tiny little freckles in certain places, like his cheeks, that stand out if he has been in the sun or if he’s blushing. Like, could he BE any cuter?

Can literally fall asleep ANYWHERE. on anyONE.

The most beautiful being to ever walk the face of the Earth. He’s not even a human being. Like no one is that good-looking.

Super intelligent. Like…give him any math problem and he’ll work it out in his head in literally a couple of seconds.

JUST LOVES BIRDS SO MUCH. Like he’s such a bitch how is he also so soft???

QUEEN BITCH. MASTER OF SASS AND SARCASM. But we love him that way.

FRICKEN. BEAUTIFUL.

Actually really sweet. Like, you never feel like you couldn’t rely on him. His exterior bitchiness only goes so deep. It actually really doesn’t go very deep at all.

LEGS FOR DAYS.

Really takes care of us, in ways we don’t always even notice. Like, takes care of all of our taxes/finances/bills/utilities/budget etc etc and does most of the cleaning/organizing. Leaves sticky notes everywhere with reminders for us, makes all of our lists, helps us with our studying and homework. If he left, we would literally fall apart, and he never even mentions that he does that stuff.

I know I haven’t really mentioned anything like this yet because I was trying to leave it out, but…SEX GURU? You want advice? Go to Stan.

DID I MENTION BEAUTIFUL???

- Bev xx

#askthelosersclub #beverly marsh #richie tozier #ben hanscom #mike hanlon #bill denbrough #eddie kaspbrak #stanley uris

[officialthiamlibrary]

Happy Friday!! We’re back at it again, with an exclusive profile of the one, the only @fandomtrashwhore​, aka Marie! You’ve seen her instagram aesthetics, from Hunger Games to Parent Thiam AU to New Years’ AU. And now, we had the opportunity to learn more about her creative process and her life well…behind the screens. Let’s get it started!

Marie! Why not start us off with a simple introduction. Who is fandomtrashwhore? Or the artist behind her? The twist: the word count should be equal or less than the # of letters of the characters in your favorite TW rarepair ship.

Theo Raeken + Mieczyslaw Stilinski = 29

My name is Marie, I’m 19 years old and from Germany. My life is dedicated to my fandoms but besides that I’m an apprentice as an technical product designer.

Ha, I see whatcha did there with ‘Mieczyslaw.’ Smart, very smart! A Technical Product Designer! What does that entail? Do you like it so far?

I don’t know if there’s a perfect translation for it and I’m bad at explaining (that’s why I’m not a writer and my answers in this interview are gonna be shit :’D). I like the 3D drawing part most and till now I’m quite good at it and even ‘job school’ is pretty good. I feel like Hermione cause I always know the answer and my grades are on point af (which definitely wasn’t like that in my previous schools. I never said anything in class).

Pst, who said you have to be a good writer to have a good time? Just do you haha. That’s what we’re all here for any. That’s super interesting though. What’s another thing our fandom would be surprised to know about you?

I have to confess that I didn’t really mind Theo or Liam before season 6? Like I knew they were there and I liked them but I was too focussed on other characters + I didn’t know they wanted to end Teen Wolf then and felt like they wanted to shove the main pack away to replace it with Liam and his gang. (Now I’m all over the puppy pack ).

AND I watched the whole show till 5B or season 6 (not so sure) in one go and that’s why it felt like Theo and Liam both joined around the same time. (Even if there was one whole season between them…wtf.) I remember that I sometimes couldn’t even tell who was Liam and who was Theo cause I thought that they ‘looked alike’…BITCH WHERE? This is more than embarrassing, but every time I watch a show in one go I have trouble learning the names (when the name is said in the show I usually know who they mean but if I talk about it to someone I sometimes can’t remember the names cause I watched 3 seasons within a week…. :’D ). I definitely need to rewatch and appreciate them more this time cause they’re such amazing characters.

*Actually Cackling* Were there any other characters you were hazy on? Like, would Garrett be the “angry, tiny blonde one” to you?

No it’s embarrassing af. :’D And I know who Garrett is and what he did and he was indeed an angry tiny blonde kid, but I don’t remember details. Sadly (I mean I think he only was there for a few episodes so I don’t think there was much detail so I’m good as long as I know his storyline). :’D

Truth. When I started watching Supernatural, until (at least) midseason 2, I called both Sam and Dean, DeanSam cause they were always together when someone addressed them. So, you’re not alone, eek. Now, THAT’S embarrassing.

So, how did you go from ‘kid, what’s your name?!’ to Thiam instagram aesthetics and our fandom? What drew you in?

I think I jumped on the train quite late (cause as I said I didn’t really mind them), but I think I shipped them before but just realized it last season. So, I think I first felt something for them during their fight in the hospital because I was ‘fun-shipping’ them (not really fun but I wasn’t deep into it cause I didn’t bother checking their ship name or anything but I was like ‘lol. They’re gay for each other) during 6B and then I completely lost it in episode 6 of that season and realized that it is a real thing and it’s love.

From that moment I was a mess and died the last few episodes cause I thought they either make it canon or kill Theo off (and maybe make it canon) but neither happened so….ok. :’D I’m sad that I only had like two weeks left with them but since then it’s been a wild ride and they brought me new internet friends ( a whole pack) and made me tumblr fame … it’s crazy how inspiring they are for edits. I just can’t stop. :’D

BUT how I found my way into the Teen Wolf fandom is a bit funnier I think…(at least for me) :’D

This has now become the moment where I ask, “Marie, can you tell us how you got into the Teen Wolf fandom? Lol”

Idk if it’s funny if you don’t know my friends and me personally. But I always had this little group to talk about series with. Mostly The Walking Dead and Game Of Thrones but sometimes other series. A friend of mine, Lucas, once mentioned that there’s a series called ‘teen wolf or something like that’ and that he knows that one character looks like one of our classmates (his name is Tobi). He was talking about Derek and even showed me a pic AND HE REALLY FUCKING LOOKS LIKE HIM (I mean in close up you know it’s not him but you know…).

He already had a beard really really soon (he looked like 20 when he was 15 or something because of it) BUT NOW he looks even more like Derek cause I met him again, like a year ago, in a club and he lost weight and is working out now and….he’s really a Derek look alike (I wish I could show you but privacy…).

After laughing about that I never heard about that series again till I watched the trailer on youtube, and I have no idea why, but it was around new years eve 2015 to 2016 cause I thought about starting it and told a friend of mine on new years eve and showed her the trailer and she also thought it was cool and we started it about a week after that and binge watched the shit out of it.

BUT I ALWAYS HAD THAT PICTURE OF MY CLASSMATE IN MIND WHEN I SAW DEREK. And I still call Derek Tobi when I talk to my best friend who doesn’t watch teen wolf about teen wolf and want to explain something to her.

Lol are you kidding me?! That’s hilarious! And, I’ll raise you. I have a friend Michael who is a spitting image of Scott–skin tone, jaw, hair and all. I wonder if your Tobi/Derek and my Michael/Scott met, would they have a Scott-Derek-esque relationship haha! Since we’ve veered towards Friends, let’s say you, 4 characters from TW, and 1 of you personal friend were living in a Friends-type sitcom. Who’d you bring into your inner circle and which antics would yall get up to?

Ok! This is exciting! So it would be Stiles, Theo, Mason, Liam and my best friend Michelle (she doesn’t watch teen wolf but the hell do I care). We would just be such a funny sassy pack. Do you know that ‘meme’: ‘My friendship comes in 3 levels: Sass, insults, inappropriate sexual humor’? That would be so us. Michelle and me are basically Stiles and that meme describes our friendship so well; we’re really soulmates so I want the whole pack to become that close too.. Theo is a sassy ass anyways and Mason is also on fire.

Liam would suffer under our jokes and always be the one who makes bad jokes only he laughs about and the rest just laughs about him, but we still love him. Michelle and me would ship the hell out of Theo and Liam (and Mason and Corey are goals af). Mason would be sceptical at first but together with Corey–I can’t have Mason without Corey…sorry?–we get him to join us.

Sometimes, Liam and Theo even go with it and flirt for fun just to piss Stiles off who somehow ended up stuck with us after Scott left for college and Stiles decided to quit the FBI and now works as a police officer at the station. Of course, Thiam gets real and no one really notice it at first cause we think it’s just another prank on Stiles until we catch them making out in my kitchen during a pack meeting. There are also a few other pranks since we’re the sassy pack. Stiles mostly uses his position as a police officer, like towing our cars or getting us a ticket. Theo’s pranks are a bit shocking at the beginning since he needs to learn how to be a decent human being. Liam and my pranks fail most of the time. Michelle and Mason are the prank master team; they always come up with the craziest ideas.

Yassss of course, Corey would be there. There’s always a significant other who’s there so often, they become part of the group lol. That sounds like my kind of party, all the chaos and sassy destruction. All the creativity, it’s the perfect segway to our next topic of the day: fandomtrashwhore, aka your creativity.

If your creativity was a person, what type would they be? What would they do? Wear? Listen to? Handle conflict?

I think it would just be a furious working single mother? Cause during the week I’m working and even if I have nothing to do after work I only seem to be able to edit at weekends and then I sacrifice my whole weekend to it like it’s my child. And furious cause once I have an idea in my head, I drown myself in pic finding which can be so exhausting and I bet I look like a stressed single mom during that cause I’m having so many tabs open and so many search phrases to throw at google in my head at the same time.

I also have specific pics in my head and I could cry if I don’t find a perfect pic to fit that image in my head. I mostly listen to the Airplanes playlist I made while editing but I also love artists like Ed Sheeran and Halsey so that would also fit quite well to keep that person calm and grounded. I also think my creative process is quite vulnerable and moody cause sometimes I can’t wait to edit and other times I feel like I never want to edit again and I need to force myself to (during editing I love it again tho). And vulnerable cause like I said I hate when I can’t find a decent pic and could cry. Same goes for if the app crashes during a long edit or if something won’t go how I want it and my patience dies.

Does that single mother furiously create outside of the Thiam fandom too?

Yes, I do social media au’s for all my fandoms (at least I want to, till now I only have a few.)  I’m not a writer but I have a started Sherlock fanfic with a trailer (I like the trailer tho and some one shots to several fandoms on wattpad. I’m ashamed of them cause I’m a bad writer but I can’t stop trying :’D So here’s my Wattpad. Don’t expect too much!!

I mentioned the trailer for my Sherlock before and right now I’m also working on a trailer ( more like ‘short movie’) for and OC (who ended up to be Marie Avgeropoulos) x Negan from The Walking Dead.Till now it’s 13 minutes long and I love the shit out of it. I never drew for a fandom before (german youtube back in the days, I had instagram fanpages. I still have them but I don’t edit for them anymore cause series took over my life. If you know german youtube and are interested contact me but they’re not that important for most of the people reading this, I think. ANYWAYS, what I wanted to say is that I want to draw something Thiam or rather Airplanes themed soon.

Oh AND I and my best friend (Michelle from before) used to write our fanfics (mostly about german youtubers) over whatsapp back in the days. It was legendary but also very unrealistic and hilarious. Sadly, we lost most of them when we got new phones which breaks my heart.

Dang, that’s tragic. Thankfully, you still have the memories. From trailers to Whatsapp/Wattpad fics, they’ve all led you to this moment: Instagram aesthetics. How’re you inspired when choosing a theme?

Most of the time I find a pic that inspires me to an edit theme. E.g., I saw the 3rd pic of The Buck’s party pic on Liam’s profile for the engagement & wedding edit coincidentally on tumblr or something and was like: “Yes, that could be Liam carried by Stiles and the boy on the right is Scott and the girl is Lydia and the pic was taken by Mason….why would something like this situation happen….A BUCK’S PARTY! I NEED TO DO A ENGAGEMENT AND WEDDING AU. Then, the other pictures and ideas just find their way.

I also accept requests (like the new year eve one) or I’m inspired by a post (like for example when I did the Thiam Mykonos one.

And when you search for photos, what’s your process for choosing the best ones?

Most of the time, the story of my au’s is formed by the pics I find. Like I have an idea and look for pics and then I see which pics make a logic story. Most of the time, I don’t know myself how I find so good pics and I bet I could never find them again (I tried once after I lost some), cause I found them so deep in the internet. Mostly, I google pretty weird sentences and I wonder what the NSA is thinking of me. :’D  For example, I googled “Throwing Tampons” for an Airplanes related edit once. I bet whoever observes me thinks I’m a killer when I look for aesthetics (especially when I did the The Walking Dead aesthetics) and googled for bloody pics. I nearly threw up a few times tho while doing so.

Finding pics is a harder job than you might think; I would say it takes more time than the editing itself, but I can’t say for sure cause once I start editing I’m lost in some sort of tunnel and suddenly it’s dark outside. When I want to google for ‘natural’ pics, I mostly add ‘snapchat’ or ‘instagram’ behind it (e.g. ‘couple eating take out food snapchat’). Also, you can find good pics on pinterest (my Pinterest name is ‘Marie Rosa’ btw), especially aesthetical and gay couple pics!

Deciding is even harder cause I often have 50 pics in my folder and can only use 12. Then, I check which one I definitely want to have in the edit and which I liked best and are the most decent ones to the images I had in mind.

When there are people on it, it’s also important that they look like the characters they should portrait. After that, I still have 20 pics left and cry because I love them all. Then I make two new folders to decide which ones are for Liam’s and which ones are for Theo’s profile and then I delete some more pics with a hurting heart (or I save them for other edits some day) and look which pics fit best together (when I edit aesthetics, similar color is a big topic). The biggest mess is when I get more ideas during editing or realize that one pic I thought I liked doesn’t fit at all and stop to look for more pics and the whole order I had is thrown away again and I need to start again. :’D

My goodness, I remember seeing you and Sammy (@glitter-cake20) talk about finding pics before on Discord, but that is…really involved. Are there times when you create your own images instead? If so, which edits/manips have been your favorite?

I would say the Hunger Games one was my best manip, but I also like the one in the Thiam parent AU  where I replaced Cody’s cat with a baby two times. And, nearly all manips I did for my Airplanes series, especially Disney Kiss (I just edited Dylan on Cody’s ex-girlfriend…lol…no regrets), the bowling pic, all the pack video calls in which I added some more heads and the ones of Derek and Stiles in NYC. I also love the one of Mason and Liam carrying watermelons in the Dirty Dancing AU and the whole Daredevil Thiam (+Morey) AU is also one of my favorites cause it’s so aesthetical. I mean in the end I nearly love them all cause I wouldn’t have posted them if not.

You’ve mentioned CaptainMintyFresh’s Airplanes a few times. What inspired the idea to make instagram posts for the guys’ journey? So far, which has been your favorite chapter to conceptualize? And why?

I don’t really know how it started but I was editing my other ones and Tagan kept mentioning certain pic scenarios. (I think it was around the waterpark chapter.) I was just like: ”She’s giving so many good patterns why don’t you try to make Insta profiles to the chapters.” It was one of my best decisions cause I loved it, even if it was a pain in the ass! I finally managed to catch up and since then I feel so empty…sounds strange but my past few months were spend with Thiam and Airplanes and suddenly, I’m free. I was looking forward to editing other things again and I did but on the other side, I feel lost and don’t even know what to edit or I’m not in the mood. I have an Airplanes hangover or something. :’D  

My favorite to conceptualize were probably the Disney chapters (it used to be the lake chapter but since editing Disney, I like that more) but every chapter was fun in it’s own way. (I’m planning on doing a commenting on the airplanes edits after Airplanes is finished).

I also think you can see how my skills improved while editing when you look at the first chapter edits and the last ones. That’s maybe the thing I’m most grateful about; it gave me the chance to experiment and grow along with the Fic and the characters.

Aww, that’s quite poetic. And, now we have Chapter  39 out, so you must feel the inkliest bit complete!

And, now I can feel the inkiest bit better about the next question to come.

CHALLENGE TIME! If you seen how BTS works, you know we love giving you the Time to Shine! For your first challenge, you can bring any of your insta posts to life in the TW Universe. Which would you choose? Set the scene for how that pic was taken.

I mean I would say the airplane series but it’s not my story so I’m gonna go with one of my single edits.

Then I would say the Parent AU cause I’m a bitch for parent Thiam. I’m gonna go with the pic of the crying baby with the title ‘Great. My son has my husband’s attitude’.

Liam sends Theo to the store with Leo after a discussion so he has some peace and can clean the house without interruptions. Leo won’t stop crying on top of his lungs in the middle of the store and Theo sighs while resting his forehead on the shopping cart (I hope that’s what it’s called).Then, he looks up again and gets his phone out to snap a picture and post it to show everyone that not only Liam is a whining little shit torturing him but now also his son. He laughs at himself for the joke which makes Leo stop crying and laugh with him instead. Theo takes that as an encouragement for his joke and carries him on his arm for the rest of the shopping trip, When they return home, he’s greeted by Liam who’s trying to look pissed but fails and just smirks at him and giving him a slight slap on the arm.

Hahahaha, yes! Dig it. And yes, it’s totally called a shopping cart (at least in my state). One final challenge before we wrap up? Since your images are always so unique to the theme, which pictures/ types of pictures would you use for these one word/phrase prompts:

Celebrity

Stuck at the Airport

Blind Date Gone Wild

Do you just want one pic or a collage of some good pics I would use? BUT I would love to do the whole edit. :’D

Heck yeah, we’d love a whole edit!!

FINALLY, done! Amen.

Wow!! I’m stunned. Over 80 pictures. 6 Days. 3 WHOLE POSTS!?! Plus Comment Posts! Honestly, how do you do it? Everyone, definitely go check these out; their linked with their respective challenges below!

[   Celebrity   |   Stuck at the Airport   |   Blind Date Gone Wild   ]

While we all marvel at that, can we expect any other Thiam instagram themes from you in the future?

Of course. I have an Thiam folder with 357 a folder for the upcoming Mockingjay AU with 37 and my airplanes folder with still 194 pics. Somehow and someday I’m gonna use them all. Planned is to finish the Hunger Games series, cause I still need to do Mockingjay and I also have so many good parenting pics left so there’s definitely going to be another parent Thiam AU and some random ones.

It depends on my mood and requests I get or if I’m suddenly inspired by a pic to edit a specific theme. I also want to make more of Thiam x other fandoms, like Maze Runner, Divergent and so on but I also want to edit for so many other fandoms and ships. Why is there so less time in my mortal life?

Who knows? If only time stopped during the Fandom spurts of our lives, then we could enjoy it as long as we wanted to. Aww, I’m sad to see us come to an end. Marie, what’s next for you?

Finish my apprenticeship in 2020 and have a job after that + moving out. The next thing I’m saving money on right now is my own car till august (I also want my first own TV and playstation and need a new laptop any maybe smartphone :’D). Other fix dates this year are german comic con in december or turning 20 on 27th June.

Of course, I’m gonna drown myself in more fandoms and editing (I mean I’ve already watched 7 new series in 2018).

Oooh, which new shows? (I know I said we were ending lol, but shows are my drug!)

I finally got myself netflix since streaming became officially illegal (it wasn’t actually legal or illegal before but they couldn’t do anything to you and it was safe) here last year and I used it to watch all the marvel netflix productions like Jessica Jones, Iron Fist, Daredevil, The Defenders, Luke Cage (which I haven’t finished cause Netflix won’t let me, every 30 seconds it crashes) and The Punisher. Jessica Jones and Daredevil are my favorites out of them. Then, I also watched How To Get Away With Murder….IT’S MY FUCKING NEW RELIGION! Coliver is giving me more than life. They’re goals.

(In case anyone is interested in what I’m watching and stuff here’s my TV TIME name: MarieRo)

OMG, Ok, Ok, let me end this before I start a rampage about all things Marvel. Thanks so much for hanging with us at the Thiam Lib and letting us get to know you! Is there anything else you’d like to add, including any life/creating wisdom?  Write until your heart’s content.

There are SO MANY intelligent things to say, but I’ll go with: Don’t give a shit about what other people think but always be open for other people’s opinions and teachings BUT don’t believe anything blindly. Just survive somehow tbh.

I have some other blogs on tumblr: @marierosaurus (random shit I like, sexual or funny af, just everything) @music-is-all-i-need-in-life (my music fandoms) @edsheeranfanblog (as you can maybe tell….a blog for Ed Sheeran?) @youtube-fan-live (blog for mostly german youtube)

(Instagram (about my traveling and just random private instagram shit): marierosarius)

I also want to thank you Minna for doing all this (bts is such a cool idea and keeping us inspired with the movie fest and stuff has to be so much work!) and especially for inviting me in the Thiam Discord pack chat 4 or 5 month ago. It’s been a wild ride and I maybe would’ve never known about that chat without you.

I love that chat and how we spend the christmas holidays together and thiam got so much more intense and it’s not even only about thiam anymore we also exchange about many other fandoms and we cried so many smut tears together (I mean that nsfw chat is on fire and I remember voice chat talks between in that christmas holidays we will burn in hell for and I love it :’D) and also fluff and angst tears but mostly smut tbh.

Just thanks for everything the Thiam community gave me, I said earlier that thiam gave me ‘tumblr fame’ and that sound stupid but it did, cause I edited before and nobody gave a single shit and reblogged or liked anything. Thiam was the best thing that could happen to me, even if I mostly edit for myself cause I like it and it’s fun, I can’t deny that it motivates you and makes you happy when other appreciate your work. Even not Teen Wolf or Thiam related posts / reblogs are noticed and it makes me so happy. Ok, sorry for bothering you with all my stupid talking. All I have left to say is: Meow

Awww, thanks so much for the love! Hahaha, our first Discord chat feels like so long ago now lol. And I also wouldn’t be here without my other Thiam Library Mods, esp Tiffany, Esme, Lizzie, Euthoxia, and Vis. They keep me inspired and grounded when life gets crazy. Just as you all, the Thiam Fandom, keep us inspired with your interactions and massive talent. We love you all!

With that, Behind the Screens presents Marie to you! If you want even more, you can read her questions that didn’t make it into the official interview here! Of course, the conversation doesn’t stop here. Not only can you chat with her on her 4 other blogs AND TV TIME, you can find her at these places too:

Main Tumblr: fandomtrashwhore

Inbox/Ask: fandomtrashwhore ask

Wattpad: Marierosarius

Instagram: marierosarius

Snapchat: marierosarius

Twitter: MarieRosarius

She’s also accepting prompts and the like, so hit her up!

We’d like to thank Marie for entertaining our many questions and challenges!! We have tons more BTS coming in the next few weeks, so stay on the look out for those <3

Have a Thiam Creator you fan over? Send us their names. Likewise, if you as the creator, would like to be a part of the Behind the Screens series, give us a shout too! We’d love to get to know you, as well.

#thiam #teen wolf #officialthiamlibrary #fandomtrashwhore #mod: minna

[serensama]

To Mourn #3

Here’s Jaehee all angst-ed up and ready to go!  This includes:  1) Some profanity  2) Angst. Tragedy. Major Character death. 

The spin of the earth impaled a silhouette of the sun in the steeple, And I gotta hear the same sermon all the time now- from you people. Why are you staring into outer space crying? Just because you came across it and lost it- … Everything reminds me of her.

“Everything reminds me of her”- Elliot Smith.

  “Jaehee! Jaehee! Are you there?” “… Y-yes.” “Listen, are you listening to me?”

“Yes.” “Maybe… Maybe she’s okay? Maybe she didn’t-” “Don’t say it.” “She’s probably-” “No.” “Jaehee. Have some faith.” “… What has that ever gotten me?” “Jaehee.” “I… I have to go.”

  She felt like death warmed up and barely at that. This damn flu had struck her down and she could barely lift her head let alone get up but she had to, this was the trade from high powered corporate life to humble coffee shop owner. There was no choice, if she wanted her business to succeed she needed to get up and make sacrifices- even if that meant ignoring her health. Jaehee snorted to herself, there wasn’t much difference after all, she had often come in to work for Jumin when she shouldn’t have but the key difference was that she wanted to get up and go to her shop. Even if she was sick, there was still great joy in doing something she loved. Even half dead. Coffee, coffee will be my salvation. Coffee is the answer.

Wincing as she pushed herself up, her entire body arguing against every movement she forced it to make, Jaehee paused to steady her breath only to lose it amidst her raking coughs, each rattling her chest more than the last. Her head spun as she fell back to her side, her breaths ending with a noticeable wheeze. Looking up at her side table, she picked up her phone and set her alarm for another 15 minutes of rest. She’d get up then, she’d be fine after a long shower. A nap was all she needed.

Moments later a soft caress brushed against her face and then another and another until a hum of laughter rang in her ears. Jaehee couldn’t fight the smile that found its way on her face, the familiar tickle of hair against her skin making her giggle as the owner of said hair placed a firm, smacking kiss upon her cheek. Finding a renewed sense of vigour, Jaehee threaded her fingers in her lover’s silken strands and cupped the back of her head so that she couldn’t step back, giving her a chance to nuzzle into her affectionately. There was nothing she loved more than being in bed with her girlfriend and lazing about at their own pace and just enjoying the comfort of each other’s touch and the joy of hearing their peals of laughter ring around their apartment. It was what she loved most about the weekends- Wait. It wasn’t the weekend. She had set the alarm- shit- what time-

“Shhh, shhh it’s okay honey,” MC soothed as she pushed Jaehee gently back onto the bed, the calm they had shared disappearing in seconds. “Lie back down and rest.” Jaehee scoffed as she tried to roll off the bed only to be trapped by MC on all fours, her arms and legs caging her so she couldn’t move. 

“Would you just listen to me for once and just rest?” she chided as she leant down to place an innocent peck on the tip of her nose.  Jaehee could barely open her eyes as it was but the moment MC started to run her fingers through her hair she felt all rebellion seep out of her, completely under the control of the woman above her. “That’s my girl, you stay in bed-” “But the shop-” she meekly replied, her fingers tangling themselves in the dress MC wore, the fine fabric almost as smooth as her partner’s skin. 

“I will open.”

“But it’s not your turn-”

“So?” “But you’re sick too!” she countered, pushing herself to lie on her bent elbows, MC’s nose centimetres away from her own. MC grinned, her eyes crinkling shut as she affectionately bopped Jaehee on the nose.  “Ahh but I can get out of bed! Unlike some people isn’t that right Jaehee?” she said looking down at her with a smug expression on her face. Jaehee rolled her eyes and dropped back down onto the plush pillows, biting her tongue so she didn’t say some smart-ass comment which would only add to the ribbing she was getting. “Besides, I may not be able to smell a damn thing but I’m pretty sure I can still make coffee… or at the very least take the orders!”

Jaehee smiled up at her, her amazing, supportive and kind girlfriend- she didn’t know what she did in another life to have deserved her, but she would thank alter-Jaehee every day for the rest of her life for letting her meet such a wonderful woman. 

“Now sleep you. When I get home, I expect a nice long foot rub from you,” she giggled as she went in to press a quick kiss to her dry and chapped lips. “You get better you hear? Your girlfriend will want cuddles and lots of them when she gets home!” “Well then you better leave quickly before she gets back!” Jaehee teased as she craned her neck to steal another kiss from her. MC’s eyes widened as she looked around conspiratorially, looking around her as if she were trying to look out for this imaginary girlfriend. “Shit! I think I hear her coming! Quick! Let me in!” she squealed as she rummaged through the bedsheets until she found Jaehee’s pyjama clad body and cuddled right up to her, resting her head upon her chest and just listened. Jaehee laughed until her sides hurt, her silly, wicked MC- even when she was feeling like hell she managed to find a little heaven to share with her. Placing her hand on the crown of her quilt covered head, she lovingly patted at her, just relishing the closeness MC demanded from her. It took so long to get used to physical affection at first, but she found soon after their relationship had blossomed, that she was the one who would seek it out and MC would never turn her away. It didn’t matter if she was cleaning the house, serving at the coffee shop or in the middle of the RFA party- she would caress her hand, link arms with her, peck her on the cheek or her favourite- hold her so tightly she didn’t know where she ended and MC began. She hadn’t felt so safe, or wanted, since her parents were alive. MC was everything to her, lover, friend and family; she could only hope that she knew that.

Drawing back the blankets to reveal MC’s dishevelled hair and bright grin, Jaehee couldn’t help but feel just that little bit better. MC ran a hand through her hair in a vain attempt to smooth the mussed-up locks before climbing up to take one final kiss from her. She jumped up and rearranged her clothes and then tucked in her bedridden lover, wiping away the hair from her face so she could look into her amber eyes. “You stay in there and rest up honey, I will be back before you know it. Did you want me to get dinner on the way home?” she said as she wrapped a large scarf around her. Jaehee nodded, hunkering down beneath the bed sheets. “What did you want?” “Hmmm something soupy and dumpling-y,” she muttered in between her yawns. “You got it!” she chirped as she bounded towards the front door. “Oh MC-” “Yes yes, I’ll ring you when I get there, Jaehee!” “Thank you!” “Worry Wart!” “I heard that!” “You were supposed to!”

Jaehee chuckled, covering her mouth as more coughs fell from her mouth. MC was right, she needed her rest. Turning over so she lay upon MC’s pillows, the last of her lingering warmth still embedded in the covers, Jaehee hummed contentedly with the scent of her lulling her into a sweet and dreamless sleep.

  MC pulled behind their quaint little shop and shivered, the chill from the air outside of her car already starting to find its way inside. Tightening her coat around her, she leant over to grab her phone from her purse and dialled the most called number on her phone, only for it to ring out and the sweet dulcet tones of her girlfriend began to play telling her to leave a message. MC laughed at herself as she waited for the beep before clearing her throat. “Well I sure am glad you’ve finally listened to me and are probably fast asleep- hence why you haven’t answered me- but I just wanted to let you know that I am here, safe and sound and ready to start the day! I’ll call you on my break honey and I will see you with the most soupy, dumpling-y thing I can find when I get home! Remember! Foot rub! Okay- okay, I’ll leave you be. I love you Jae-Jae, take care of yourself for me okay? Promise! Haha- okay I’ll stop being a loser and go now. Love you!”

Unlocking the door, she shook from the cold again and was about to switch on the heater when she remembered all the work she was about to do; in no time at all she would be wiping the sweat from her brow as she hustled around the shop, baking the cookies and muffins and a last-minute tidy of the counters. Peeling off her coat and bag and plopping them haphazardly on her shared desk with Jaehee, she quickly set to work washing her hands to get everything she needed to start the day. MC pulled out their pre-made chilled cookies to thaw out as she got everything set up in the cake display, spinning the cakes to look the most presentable for the customers.

As she stood up from her bent position, the world spun on its axis, forcing the her to hold onto the glass case to right herself. She felt a sharp pang of pain right between her brows and her sinuses hurt like hell- perhaps she was sicker than she thought she was. Or, moreover, she probably shouldn’t have kissed Jaehee so many times before she left… but the dizziness and headache was worth it. She would never pass up an opportunity to kiss that woman, illness or not. Groaning, MC took a moment to collect herself and breathe in as deeply as she could, her headache only seeming to get worse- resigning herself to getting through that day she took some pain killers and hoped for the best. One of the assistant managers could open tomorrow- she was going to spend all day with her girl in their bed, coughing over each other in a muddle of limbs and a pile of tissues surrounding them. MC pulled a face at the gross but ridiculously domestic situation that played out in her head and smiled; she had never thought it was possible to fall in love so deeply, but there she was absolutely smitten but the most kind and gorgeous woman she had ever met. The chime of the clock on the wall broke her from her love filled daydream and reminded her that she only had over an hour before she needed to open the doors for their barista. Grumbling to herself she washed her hands again, she ignored the tightness she felt in her chest and how full her head felt, limbs heavier than lead. Maybe she’d go home early, whatever it was she had, it was catching up to her and quickly. She had barely been in the shop for five minutes and she already felt like she was going to pass out.

Forcing herself to focus through the pain and lethargy, MC brought to mind the memory of the mess of the kitchen she and Jaehee made when they last made this particular batch of cookies, the employees had walked in to see her completely covered in flour with a chocolate streaked Jaehee running around the kitchen. That was one thing MC knew she contributed to her girlfriend’s life- not money or power or any sort of measurable success, but she brought joy into those honeyed eyes and she taught her the importance of play; merriment and mischief for no reason apart from the fact that it felt good. Hearing her laugh- that was all she needed to make any day a good day.

Wiping her hands on her apron, MC picked up the first two trays of cookies and placed them on the stove top. The very cold stove top. She had forgotten to preheat the ovens! Slapping herself on the forehead, MC turned the dial to turn it to temperature she wanted and-

 Oh. Jaehee. I’m so sorry. I can’t get you dinner after all.

  Jaehee yawned, stretching in bed and sniffing the air, the aroma of coffee floating around their apartment. She felt a thousand times better! She really needed to thank MC when she came home, something more like a full body massage to go along with her foot rub seemed fitting. She looked to the side and saw that the clock read 10am, the lull after the usual morning rush, and picked up her phone. She knew that MC would normally take a break around this time and wanted to be the one to call her-

47 missed calls? 12 voicemails. What the hell?

Saeyoung. Yoosung. Zen. Zen. Jumin. V. Saeyoung. Saeyoung. Zen… what? Until right down at the bottom, was one call from MC.

Saeyoung: “Jaehee! Where are you? Are you okay? Call me back as soon as you get this please!” Jumin: “Assist- Jaehee. Are you well? And MC too? Please call me back at your earliest convenience.” Yoosung: “Noona! I… I can’t believe… Um, just- whenever you can- call me back please.” Zen: “Jaehee! Are you guys alright? I’ve been trying to call both of you for the past damn hour! Please call me back asap!” V: “Please, please tell me you’re both okay.”

What the hell had happened?

Jaehee hit redial on the last call, Saeyoung, and fully expected for him to let it go to voicemail as he usually did with her calls but was pleasantly surprised when he picked up almost instantly. “Jaehee!” “Saeyoung-” “Oh thank god! You’re okay. You’re okay,” he muttered to himself, his relief palpable over the phone- which only made the sinking feeling in her stomach grow ever deeper. “Of course I’m alright, what’s wrong?” she asked, her fingers twisting in the blankets over her legs, the sweat on her palms making the sheets stick to her. “Where are you?” he countered, ignoring her question, annoying her. “I’m at home- what’s happened? Why is everyone calling me like crazy?” “Oh thank God! You’re both at home!” he sighed, a sound of cluttering over the other line that she assumed was him overdramatically slumping over his desk. “No,” she corrected shaking her head at her friend’s antics, “I’m at home. MC’s at the shop, she opened it today. Speaking of which- I really need to call her so-” “She’s there now?” he interrupted suddenly, his voice quiet and scared. “Yes?” she replied, her fingers so tightly wound around the covers they were starting to hurt. Silence. She was met with silence as the breathing on the other end started to shake. “Saeyoung?” “Don’t. Don’t turn on the TV. Can you do that for me Jaehee?” he asked, his tone finite and resolute, something she hadn’t heard for a long time, not since they faced that hacker business years ago. “I- what is this all about? Are you just going to be all cryptic and-” “Can you do that for me?” he asked again more urgently, the panic in his voice evident. “Y-Yes.”

She heard a heavy sigh from him as he mulled over what- how- to say everything. “Okay. There was an accident-” “Oh my goodness! Is everyone alright?” she asked, covering her mouth dreading the worst- was one of them hurt? Was that why… wait… they all called her… did they think she was hurt?... was it… it couldn’t have been- “MC… is MC… what happened Saeyoung, tell me!” she demanded, her voice rising with her fear. Jaehee tore away the covers, her body filled with a rush of adrenaline, the need to move and do something other than sit still overtaking her. “I- there was an accident at your shop-” “What kind of accident?” “There… they say it was some sort of gas leak and-” “Oh God no,” she whispered, her knees going weak, reaching out to the closest wall to brace herself. “We can’t panic- they haven’t released anything yet-” “Can’t you find anything?” she half asked, half begged, her fingers ringing at her the roots of her hair- tears clouding her vision. “I’ve tried!” he cried out, the sounds of his fingers tapping across his keyboards frantically coming down the line. “The police haven’t written anything, they haven’t called anything in. The paramedics haven’t taken anyone away. The fire department are still containing the blaze-” “A blaze, oh my god!” she sobbed, banging her head on the wall behind her as she slid down, all strength leaving her body as she envisioned the plumes of smoke and the hellfire that surrounded her shop. The ash and rubble. The carnage.

“I can’t see anything from the surrounding cameras… I… wait… she entered the shop-” “Did she get out?!” she asked with bated breath, waiting, waiting… He didn’t respond. “Saeyoung!” “I… there’s no footage of her coming out,” he said but quickly spoke over her wail, attempting to calm her as best he could. “But that also means there’s no footage of her staying in. Maybe she got out. Maybe she just left her phone behind and is completely fine and-”

Jaehee had enough listening to him.

She shakily rose to her feet and stumbled her way to the lounge, turning on the TV and waited for the picture to load properly on the screen. She heard the sirens and the fast commentary of the news presenter before she saw it all. It didn’t matter that she heard what may have been four or five different sirens or the shouts of the emergency workers behind the presenter- or the fact that reporter was speaking a mile a minute to depict the dire situation of it all- nothing could have prepared her for what she saw.

The building was decimated. The brickwork blasted apart, barely a skeleton of the shop they had called theirs remained. Smoke rolled up into the sky like black storm clouds, the vivid orange of the flames that still engulfed the wreckage… no one could survive that. No one.

“Jaehee! Jaehee! Are you there?” She looked down at the phone in her hand, droplets of her tears dripping down the flat screen, wet against her cheek as she pressed it against her ear. “… Y-yes.” “Listen, are you listening to me?”

“Yes.” “Maybe… Maybe she’s okay? Maybe she didn’t-” “Don’t say it.” “She’s probably-” “No.” “Jaehee. Have some faith.” “… What has that ever gotten me?” “-Jaehee.” “I… I have to go.”

Jaehee hung up and shoved the phone into her pocket, picked up her car keys and drove towards hell.

  She didn’t know how she got there. Didn’t know how she got there in one piece. She wasn’t even thinking. Yet there she was, standing with the crowd as emergency services finally quelled the fire. There was nothing left. The buildings beside them badly affected by the fire but thankfully nothing that insurance wouldn’t cover and no one there was hurt-

Her heart leapt to her throat and stopped her breath.

MC.

Steeling herself, she pushed her way between the people until she made her way to the barricade where the police instructed her to stand back. “I’m the owner!” she yelled back, her voice weak and strained from her illness and despair. The officer’s eyes immediately softened as his mouth fell into a compassionate frown, moving the barrier so she could step inside and talk to them privately. The further they walked away from the public filled her with more dread, each step a stab to the gut that she couldn’t ignore. Each look of sadness that was thrown her way making her want to scream- she knew, she knew what they were trying to tell her long before they had even opened their mouth. Just say it. Say it.

The officer in charge took one look at her and sighed, pulling off his hat and holding it to his chest. She was crying before he had even said “Ma’am.”

Strong arms caught her as she fell down, the ground grazing her knees through her pants as she collapsed. She heard every word they said, making sure to listen well so she would never have to hear them again. Gas leak. Ignition from the oven. One casualty. What seemed to be a woman in the kitchens. Instant death. Quick. Sorry. So sorry.

A gas leak. MC couldn’t smell anything, her sickness stealing her sense of smell from her- MC didn’t stand a chance. But she did. She could have. If she just insisted that she would the one to come into work, to open up, she would have smelt the noxious gas. She would have aired out the shop. Called the fire department just to make sure everything was going to be okay and then she would have returned home and slid in between the covers to hold MC to her, to tell her about the gas scare and how she was just happy to be there with her, to tell her how much she loved her and… who cared. Who cared what happened after that? Because if it was her who went that morning- there would have been so many more moments to choose from that it wouldn’t matter what happened after that. Now? Because she was too lazy to get up, because she liked feeling taken care of, because she like feeling loved- she was never going to feel that again. She lost MC just because she didn’t want to get out of bed. She lost the only person in her life who loved her, because of a god damned cold.

Jaehee cursed God. Cursed life. Cursed everything she could. She wanted to spit at the firemen who had put out the fire- if it were still going, she would have rushed in there and righted it all. Let the flames lick at her skin and the smoke fill her lungs, to let death take her. It would have hurt less than whatever torture she was under. It should have been her.

The police tried to get her to move on; to go to the morgue, hospital- anywhere but there, but she refused. She sat there on the outskirts of the barricades and watched as the light, white smoke flew up into the sky. As the sky turned from blue to black. She would not be moved. “Hey… Jaehee. It’s time. We need to go.”

She looked up and saw a shock of white hair and red rimmed eyes, a hand extended in front of her to help her stand. She shook her head and continued to stare at the ruins before her. “Okay. A little longer then.”

At first it was only Zen who sat beside her but as time passed on she realised her left side was warmed by Yoosung. She turned around to see Saeyoung, V and Jumin all on the hood of the hacker’s car, watching her and the wreckage intently. Her shoulders were covered with a heavy white jacket that smelt of cologne and cigarette smoke, her lap emblazoned with a simple blue hoodie. She was still so cold.

They didn’t leave her, not even as the first stars made their appearance, not even when the chill of the night air burned her skin, not even when she fell asleep.

She still felt completely alone.

 They didn’t need her to identify the body, the dental records were enough to do that. Told her that seeing her partner in that condition would… would not be necessary. In other words, if you saw how she looked, it would haunt your dreams and waking world forever. Though now she’d dream of all the different ways she could have been found, half burnt, completely burnt, a charred skeleton- she couldn’t stop seeing MC in varying stages of pain.

She refused any help from the RFA to help organise her funeral. That along with all the paperwork she had to fill for the insurance claims for the accident- it kept her busy. Focused. Distant. Concentrating her time and energy on those things actually made the whole situation seem less real because who did these things when the love of your life was dead? Who could find the time to talk to investigators when they were choosing the flowers to be put on a casket? Nobody, no one. So long as she was busy- the situation she was in wasn’t real, wasn’t happening.

But at night… when she didn’t have people to ring… when all the work she could do had been done… everything came crashing down. The reality hit her hard in the face each and every time. She was alone in the apartment; a mausoleum dedicated to her and MC. Each and every surface was touched by her and had a memory of her attached to it. No matter where she looked she could envision MC there, smiling at her as if nothing had happened. When she closed her eyes- it was even worse. It would be MC screaming, burning, dying. Calling out for her.

She hadn’t slept in days.

  She stood in front of so many faces, some she knew, most she didn’t, and she wanted nothing more than to feel MC’s warm fingers entwined with hers; giving her the strength and courage she needed.

“MC would have loved to see you all here, all together to celebrate something together. She often told me and the other RFA members how she wanted to organise a big party with all of our loved ones… it is… it is a shame that she didn’t get to see it happen. It is a shame that we are here to celebrate her life now that she’s…. now that she’s gone.”

She spoke about her kindness, how this relative stranger was the one who in just two short weeks managed to become the most important person in her life. How their relationship had taken time to flourish from friendship to romance but when it did, both had wondered what had taken so long to do so when they were so obviously in love from the start? She spoke of dreams and how MC had been nothing but supportive of hers- stood tall and fast beside her all the way- from the first day until her very last day. Jaehee managed to speak of her love for her, the emptiness the world held now that she was no longer in it and how she would miss MC for the rest of her life and finally, she thanked MC. She thanked her for letting her, for even just a second in her life, feel like she had somewhere she truly belonged.

The faces were all stained with tears and the church filled with sobs and sounds of noses being blown. The RFA sat in the front row beside her, obviously deeply affected by her words and the farewell of a good friend.

Her eyes were dry. Her soul in tatters.

  “What do you mean you’re leaving?” Zen cried, banging his hand upon the table, standing up as he did so. The entire RFA sat around her in an empty room within C&R for their monthly party meeting where she promptly said she was leaving the RFA and leaving the country. “Zen, please calm down,” Jumin said quietly, raising his hand as if to beg him to restrain himself, something the actor was not used to doing when it came to his emotions. “Don’t tell me to calm down Jumin,” he growled before turning his attention back to Jaehee, his crimson eyes boring into hers beseeching a proper explanation from her about her sudden life choices. “I no longer wish to pursue a career in my own small business. I wanted to go back to something simple, less fuss and stress. I had asked Jumin, Mr. Han, if there were any positions available to apply for and whilst he said there was nothing here in Korea- there was something in Japan-” “Japan is so far away!” Yoosung whined, his amethyst eyes shining with tears he held back as best he could. “Why… why not just try something else? I can help! Whatever you need Noona-” “Guys, if she wants to go you can’t stop her,” Saeyoung quipped not looking at Jaehee, just fiddling with the cord of his headphones. “Sometimes people just need- sometimes they need a new start, yeah?”

Jaehee stared at the redhead, disbelieving the wisdom that had dripped from his lips and nodded appreciatively when his gaze met hers. She was worried for a second that they would make her explain all her reasons, force her to reveal her feelings and she felt sick. How could she tell them that giving up her dreams hurt almost as much as losing MC? But it was clear now that she wasn’t allowed to have dreams. She had dreamt of a loving partner and a good business and the minute she had both? Both taken from her in the most jarring of ways. Everyone she had ever loved was taken from her, death reminding her that she should never love again. How could she tell them that she was afraid that if she stayed near them all that they would all die horrible deaths just because they loved her? That she had begged Jumin to send her to one of his international firms even though he had wanted to take her back as his EA, Jumin literally creating a new position for her in Japan so she could get away. She couldn’t. So she didn’t. “I don’t want to go. I need to. I need to do this for me. I’m so sorry guys, but I need to do this.” She couldn’t stand to lose anyone else she loved. She was a curse, a blight, a plague. She would not be the reason anyone else died. She would rather be completely alone than have to suffer through another loss. There was only so much she could take before she broke and couldn’t be fixed anymore- she was already on that precipice. Just one final push and… “I hope one day you can all forgive me for leaving you so suddenly-” “It’s not about forgiveness- we’re worried about you. We don’t want you to go where we can’t help you. You’re our friend,” Zen explained as he put one large hand on top of her head in what he hoped was a comforting gesture. She gave a watery smile and permitted his good intentions to flow through her, knowing full well it couldn’t last. “I will still be your friend from Japan.” “That’s not what I meant and you know it,” he retorted flashing her an unimpressed look, the smirk on his lips weakening the severity. “I know,” she nodded, breathing in to push back the tears that threatened to fall. “I know.”

“Promise you won’t forget us?” Yoosung sniffled, the youngest of them staring at her with big gem coloured eyes. Jaehee reached over the table and squeezed his hand, the boy taken aback by the affection she showed. “I promise.”

  After a tearful goodbye and plans of catching up before she departed for Japan, Jaehee sluggishly returned to the apartment- already packed and ready to go, only the final bits and pieces left to sort through. She would be long gone before they had the chance to call in and make good on those promises of seeing her off. If she had to see them, she wouldn’t be able to go through with it. She’d be weak and melt and stay there with them and watch pathetically as one by one, they would be taken from her. So, she would leave instead. It was a good price to pay to make sure her brothers, the only family she had left, would stay safe… and so she could grieve in peace. Jaehee knew they meant well, that they called her and visited her more often now than they ever did before- to make sure she was eating and taking care of herself and as touched as she was- she just wanted them to go away. They were trying to cheer her up, trying to make her smile, trying to make her feel better and she didn’t want it! All she wanted was to sit there, in silence, and wallow in the abject despair that she felt and know that it was okay. That it wasn’t making anyone else sad or disappointing them because she wasn’t moving on as quickly as they had hoped.

They didn’t get it, couldn’t understand. She would never get over it. She lost half of herself that day and she would never get it back. You don’t get up from that kind of fall; you stay there, lying in the dirt until death claims you. You continue living until finally your time is up and if you’re lucky- you get to see them again in the afterlife. Her mother, her father… MC.

Jaehee squeezed her eyes shut as she shook her head from side to side, trying to dislodge the image of MC grinning up at her from under the bedsheets that final morning together- her sparkling eyes and bright smile, the love in her gaze as she looked at her- she needed to pack.

MC’s parents had already picked up most of her personal effects but left the closet untouched as the women had put their clothes together in a cacophony of dresses and shirts- the two sharing their wardrobe as equally as they did everything else. Jaehee sighed as she stepped inside the walk-in robe slowly spinning around to take in the magnitude of the job. Taking a deep breath in she took one step towards the clothes and began to separate hers from MC’s. Don’t think about it, just do it. They’re just clothes. They mean nothing. She’s not here to wear them, you don’t need them! Don’t think. Keep going.

Jaehee was about to toss another one of MC’s sweaters to the side for her parents to sort through when she paused, her eyes filling with tears she didn’t know she still had within her to cry. The plain fawn cable knit sweater dress she adored, wore almost religiously whilst lounging around at home… she had worn it the night before she died… She must have hung it up by accident in her rush to get ready in the morning. Against her better judgement, Jaehee lifted the garment to her face and inhaled, the faint scent of her perfume still clinging to the collar and wrists of the sleeve. She could feel the tremble of her lips as she drew her nose away from it as tears fell and darkened the wool. A high whine escaped from her throat as she buried her face into the sweater, taking long raking breaths, desperate to capture she could of MC from it. Jaehee ran it over her cheeks, almost feeling the smooth skin of MC’s palm in its stead, and in a burst of impulsivity- threw the jumper over her head as her arms wriggled through the sleeves until she was completely immersed in it.

Carefully, moving as if she were afraid she would break if she moved too fast, she wrapped her arms around herself; the feeling of the familiar fabric under her fingers reminded her how MC felt in her arms- the warmth and scent of the sweater almost the same as if it were really her holding her back. Jaehee sobbed as the harsh reality came crashing down. She was all alone. Just a weird, creepy woman in her dead girlfriend’s clothes hugging herself. Wiping her eyes on the forearms of the sleeves, Jaehee let another wail out as she lay herself down upon the pile of clothes she had separated from her own. She nuzzled at the different fabrics and ran her fingers over each item as she tried to remember the last time she wore everything.

This dress- she wore it to Saeyoung’s birthday party. She said that it was so uncomfortable that she made me unzip her before we even made it back to the car- Zen was so scandalised thinking we were just being too impatient to get into each other’s panties- MC had laughed so hard on the way home. This shirt- this damn stain she could never get rid of- the soy sauce from one of their first dates… she wore this the weekend before at the coffee shop. Said she didn’t mind if it got dirty in the name of love. This negligee… the first time they had decided to make their relationship an intimate one… she had worn this and she… she was stunning.

This dress-

“Jaehee- it’s so pretty! My gosh!” “It really is MC.” “I could wear this to our wedding!” “I… yes. You could.”

Jaehee rocked back and forth on the floor, surrounded by MC and their memories and she wept- so hard she couldn’t control her body or how loud her voice cried out- she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t let anything go, let MC go, she wouldn’t. Pushing herself up, her arms shaking under the weight of her sorrow, she crawled over to her suitcase and emptied everything she had previously packed and dragged it back to the closet. Grabbing what she could from the mound of clothes on the floor, she dropped them into the suitcase, over and over until everything she could fit was in there. She could leave behind Jaehee. She could never leave behind MC.

Somehow managing to finish up, Jaehee wiped at her tear streaked face and smiled deliriously, stumbling into bed and rolling instinctively to MC’s side- her scent completely gone from the bedsheets, lost in the tears she had shed over them. Hugging herself tightly, imagining herself in MC’s embrace as she stroked the wool covering her arms, she dipped her face in the empty comfort it provided.  

“Goodnight Jae Jae.”

Jaehee’s eyes flung open, cursing her sadistic mind for playing such a cruel trick on her. It had seemed so real. “Goodnight MC.”

  Jaehee sat in her seat on the company jet Jumin has so graciously let her take to assist in her move to a new country. He voiced his displeasure at the path she was taking and the deceit she had weaved to their friends but, begrudgingly he admitted he understood. If he had lost someone like MC- he wouldn’t want to stay in a place that reminded him of her, surrounded by people who could never miss her the way he would have. After one awkward hug between the business associates- cum friends- cum business associates, she was alone with the skeleton crew on board the short flight to her new life.

“I’m sorry Miss Kang, we will be taking off in the next five minutes- could you please turn any devices you have onto airplane mode?” a flight attendant with a million watt smile kindly asked her, pointing to the phone she held in her hands. Jaehee nodded and went to change her settings when she saw the little icon on her phone indicating she had one voicemail she hadn’t listened to yet. Not that she needed reminding, she was very well aware or who it was from and when it was sent but she… she never had the strength to listen to it. What did she say? What were the final words she said to her? Were they words of love? Was it her asking her to do something? Was it just an empty recording as MC had accidentally pocket dialled her and didn’t realise she had called her at all?

Oh for God’s sake Jaehee. It’s been six months. You’re moving away. You’re moving… forward. Listen to it. She wanted you to hear it. Listen to it.

Unlocking her phone and pressing the buttons to listen to her voicemail, MC held the phone to her ear and braced her heart. She probably wasn’t ready for any of what was about to be said, just to hear her voice again would send her into a tail spin, but she had to do it. If she didn’t want to be haunted by another “what if” in regards to MC- she had to. Jaehee smacked her lips together as the automated voice telling her the time and date the message was sent finished talking and waited patiently for MC’s voice to start. “… I am here, safe and sound … and I will see you …when I get home! Remember! … I love you Jae-Jae, take care of yourself for me okay? Promise! …  Love you!”

She hit replay, again and again and once more after that.

“Madam, please… your phone.” “Just… give me one more minute. One last time.”

Take care of yourself for me… I’m trying. I’m trying so hard MC, you have no idea. I wanted to continue on, to rebuild the coffee shop. Rename it in your honour. Make a new cake that reminded me of your sweetness and the comfort you could give to anyone you met. I wanted to continue our dreams but- I couldn’t. Not without you. You made my dreams possible. You inspired me and supported me and I am not strong enough to do it again without you. Forgive me. I can’t forget how my dreams cost me the love of my life, it probably best that I give up on dreams altogether- besides I can’t stand the smell of-

“Would you like a coffee Madam?”

Jaehee snapped out of her inner monologue and shook her head, the idea of the dark, rich liquid making her stomach turn. The smell that once offered her peace turned acrid and nauseating. “No, thank you.”

She absolutely hated coffee.

  Without MC, Jaehee quickly returned to her ways before meeting her late girlfriend. Long nights at the office, mornings of waking up alone at her desk with notes stuck to her face, eating what she could as quickly as she could. Gone was the spark that everyone had seen ignite with MC’s touch. Gone was the smile she wore that reached her eyes. Gone- she was just, gone. A kind but distant woman who only had work to cling to. She had forgotten everything she learnt with MC. She had to, in order to survive.

She didn’t make any friends, didn’t go out after work, didn’t plan holidays and rarely, so very rarely, did she contact the RFA. Jaehee felt pangs of guilt whenever the boys would call her, just to ask how she was and how she was settling into life in the new country- most of the time answering days later and with one sentence answers. Soon the messages became less frequent and shorter until they were merely exchanging greetings and sharing salutations during birthdays or holidays. It was probably better that way.

It was better to be cold. Better to be alone. Can’t get hurt. Won’t hurt anyone else.

But at night… after she had a glass (or four) of wine … she would pull out a neatly folded sweater from the top of her dresser and put it on. Sometimes she would drape it over her lap as she sat on the sofa, sometimes she would lay it over the side of the bed and just curl on top of it and cry herself to sleep as she would fall endlessly into memories of a life they had lived together, too short and not enough; or slide easily into fantasies of a life that should have been. She was drowning in grief, slowly and surely, hiding it under work and duty. One day she knew it would not be enough to contain it, that her perpetual sadness would consume her until there was nothing left but her misery; that she would succumb and whatever was left of the old Jaehee was sure to be lost. One day. Until then, she had wine, memories that hurt her and a handful of fragile woollen threads.  

#mystic messenger #mystic messenger fanfiction #jaehee kang #jaehee x mc #angst #tragedy #mysme #mysmes #angstfest #angstfest prompt 1

[applicarobo]

Applica’s Winter 2018 In Anime

Another anime season over (for me), and since I've reached a point in my life over the last two years or so where I started watching anime as it came out, I think I'm now qualified enough to start writing about these things. I hope, at least. Kind of wish I started doing these things earlier, but what can you do.

So, without further ado, here is my Winter 2018 in anime.

Ms. Koizumi Loves Ramen Noodles

Recommended if you like: Anime where food is the focus and the characters aren't, Ramen.

I figure it may be best for me to start with the things I enjoyed the least, and move forwards from there. So, as you'll notice, Ra-Ra-Ra-Ramen Daisuki Koizumi-San is the first on the list. It's a simple anime about a girl named Koizumi-san(sic), who eats Ramen multiple times on the daily, and introduces many of her fellow classmates to various types and styles of ramen. In truth, it's actually an anime about ramen, not about Koizumi herself.

And, were that the only thing that mattered, this anime would've done a great job. It serves to be heavily educational about ramen, it's history, and most importantly, how many different varieties of it there actually are and how different those varieties are from each other. The depiction of the ramen is very high quality, and should be considered the draw of the show.

The problem is, that alone is boring. And it therefore relies on its characters to keep things interesting, unfortunately. Koizumi is plain, and prefers to keep away from others (in orderto continue enjoying ramen). As a result, she's rather one dimensional as a character. The anime's main character, if it has one aside from ramen, is actually Yuu, a plucky, short-haired, lesbian. Normally, I'd applaud such a character, but of course she relies heavily enough on yandere tropes to be a consistent stalker of Koizumi, but endlessly positive enough to not be dangerous to anyone. This means she's less of a character, and more of a device to have her end up following Koizumi into a ramen shop, having Koizumi sigh as she sits down next to her, informing her uneducated mind about how good this ramen is.

And that's it. That's mainly how every segment of the show works. Yuu follows Koizumi to a ramen shop, Koizumi sighs and wishes she'd go away as they both order ramen, and then they talk about the ramen for a few minutes. There's a few other characters, a few other ways that scenes play out, but none of them are interesting enough to talk about.

Some solace can at least be taken from the fact that the little ditty they play between segments of the show is very, very catchy. In addition to that, both the opening and ending themes of the show are wildly good jams. The ED especially incorporates both ramen puns and parodies of popular Japanese ramen commercials that I normally wouldn't get. It's so good that I don't even mind the fact that I enjoy a song who's title is LOVE MEN HOLIC.

Speaking of jam openings and endings, though, that was pretty much the case this whole season, for me. Nothing I watched really had anything I really wanted to skip, ever, at the very least. Although some openings certainly were better than others. And next is...

Kokkoku

Recommended if you like: Seeing where ideas can go as long as you're okay with them not panning out, every single episode of Paranoia Agent.

That OP. That sweet, sweet OP. A complete banger, and no doubt about it. The ED is great, too, if you ignore half of the visuals.

Yeah, I'm calling Kokkoku out. I'm not expecting you to be a bastion of pureness, Kokkoku, but whoever just storyboarded random fanservice images of the two lead female characters into your show 's ED just needs to be... demoted, or something. However that works. It's especially odd because the show itself doesn't really have any of that, specifically. (It does however contain a couple of instances of villainous gang members joking about sexual assault, which is never really a welcome thing to hear even if it is coming from villains.) The rest of that ED is fine, though, with the music being nice and the images of the characters that look like still images, only to have the characters move while the rest of the scenery stays frozen around them. Did I mention this is an anime about time being frozen? I should probably go over the scenario.

It opens on a family, of which the only members you need to pay attention to are Juri, her grandfather, her father, her brother and her young nephew. Juri and her grandfather complain about how useless the brother and father are while the brother and nephew get kidnapped on their way home. Grandpa gets a ransom call demanding money in a short period of time, and then he whips out his secret magic time stone, freezing time for everyone except himself, his son, and Juri, as they go off to rescue their family members, leaving the kidnappers none the wiser.

Except that the kidnappers planned for this and froze time at the exact same time, joining the family members in the frozen world known as Stasis, hoping to wipe them out and steal their magic time stone from them. In the middle of Stasis are some magical time monsters that only show up when someone wants to kill someone who is frozen in time. Except they really only become a minor footnote, and for the most part the conflict revolves around the family and the kidnappers. Oh, and some of the people on both sides also get magical powers they can only use when time is stopped.

The problem is that I hardly find this conflict interesting. For most of the twelve episodes, the Stasis thing really only exists to create an environment in which these parties can fight without incurring normal societal penalties, and with a method for them to show off some cool visual scenarios (many of which involve liquids). There's only a couple moments where the fact that time is stopped leads them to invoke creative solutions as a result of this, and most of the other things about time being stopped revolve around arbitrary rules or limitations of the Stasis environment.

Most of the characters are decently written and likable, at least. The five members of the Yukawa family, as well as a few other people who are wrapped up in Stasis, are fun and interesting enough to carry the plot of the show where it would've otherwise failed for me. That, along with the occasional visual spectacle. The conflict, and the central villain, are really just kind of awful. Awful in the "badly written" sort of way, and I do feel that the central villain's writing is bad enough to drag down the show's likability at least a full octave. It's that bad.

I will, however, give an enormous shout out to the show's final episode, which offered a new scenario of conflict (although one which had "been coming" for a few episodes before it.) For me, it was far and away the series' most memorable episode, and really left things on a good note. It's... hard to explain without spoiling it, but simple enough that I think someone could actually just drop in on the final episode of the series, understand enough of what is going on to enjoy it, and then finish the series (of one episode) satisfied. In fact, if you do show interest in a story about the world being frozen in time, I personally recommend that's what you do, because that one episode is actually very good.

Hakumei and Mikochi

Recommended if you like: Girls' Last Tour, Yuru Camp△, Mushishi???

And from an anime about a tense invisible conflict happening in a small span of time, we move to an anime about some generally regular things happening in a very small world. A tiny little life, as you'd say.

Hakumei and Mikochi is an anime about the aforementioned girls, who came to live together in small society for reasons we don't actually know. (I'm going to imagine that they're probably gay, but, that's not really the focus here. [although it does joke about them being a couple a couple of times and neither of them actually denies it haha im gay]). When I say "in small society," I mean that neither of these girls are particularly out of the ordinary in their world despite being shorter than the length of my hand. That's really the only major difference between our world and theirs, aside from a scaling back of technology and the fact that animals talk. Yeah, several of the side characters are animals.

Still, despite the fact that this is a comfy slice of life taking place in an otherwise normal world there are a number of fantastical things that can happen. While one episode may focus on the two of them taking a train to a fishing trip or spending a day on the town, another has them meeting with an equally small scientist who is in the business of animating the bones of dead creatures, or helping resolve a lawless gang dispute that involves the kidnapping of their friend. And despite these differences, each episode remains highly serene and comfortably lovable.

Whereas I feel Kokkoku rarely made the most of its setting (interjecting to contrast here that Hakumei and Mikochi might have the most forgettable OP of what I watched this season, unfortunately), Hakumei and Mikochi makes the most of it. The two live in a tree, (for a while, which, they don't even realise there are neighbourly animals living in the branches), eat entire meals that would normally be a morsel for us, make unique interactions with animals, or use small materials in completely new ways. Each episode is calm, comforting, and full of love, and I really wish I could be there.

Yuru Camp△

Recommended if you like: Non Non Biyori, K-On!, being warm, girls

But... There's still more comfort to be had. If Hakumei and Mikochi made a handful of people want to live in their tiny world, Yuru Camp△ (triangle will now be exempted from the rest of this article, you've done your work, sorry △ purists) made a whole ton of people really, really want to go camping right now. I suppose that's largely because it's a much more achievable goal, but it's also in no small part because Yuru Camp was exceedingly popular this season.

And I'm glad it is, too, because it certainly deserves it. I described it after only a couple episodes as "The best Manga Time Kirara anime since K-On!" (and yes, that includes Yuyushiki) and I'm glad that I was correct. I'm sort of feeling like I don't need to write a plot summary mainly because everyone should know what it is by now, but I'll take a crack at it anyway.

Rin, a quiet girl who loves camping alone, is doing so one day when she meets a girl sleeping outdoors near the bathroom. Nadeshiko, a boisterous, joyful and carefree girl, biked all the way out here, and since she fell asleep it's getting too dark to bike back home. Rin, not knowing what to do, lets her hang out at her campsite while she waits for her sister to arrive, and feeds her one of her noodle cups.

Nadeshiko is so taken by the experience that she joins a camping club at her school, and is also excited to find that Rin is also at the school, though not in the club. Over the course of the anime, Rin learns to make more friends and enjoy the things that her chance meeting with Nadeshiko has brought to her life. Such as Nadeshiko.

And that's it! But it's not really the plot, but the comfort that makes the show as good as it is. Aside from the beautiful scenery, the Jackson 5 "I Want You Back"-esque OP, and the extremely enticing depiction of camping, the relaxing atmosphere and constant comfort that the characters enjoy is really the draw. It's really hard to describe it with words, but the viewers can just share in Rin's calm, comforting bliss as she spends time both alone and with others. What could be more enjoyable than that?

A Place Further Than The Universe

Recommended if you like: Life.

And yet, while it's good when animes are just purely comforting, sometimes you need to remember how real things can be before we can enjoy those other moments. Enter Antarctica.

Antarctica is a girl named Shirase at Mari's school who is obsessed with going to Antarctica and therefore a bunch of people who go to Mari's school have nicknamed her that. When Mari decides that she wants to do something amazing with her life, she runs into Shirase, who has a million yen and half a plan to board a research boat on its way to the continent in order to meet her missing mother. The two attempt to execute their plan, and, thanks to a stroke of luck, join with another two girls as part of the research team who will board that same vessel.

The real story is in those ups and downs, the really real emotions of our main characters and some of those around them. It is somewhat worth noting that despite being a show about girls who plan to go to Antarctica for various reasons, and they move closer and closer to their goal each episode, it's more about the people on the journey than the journey itself.

Most of the episodes are about them as individuals, talking about the problems in their lives and finding ways to accept them. These problems are more often than not heartbreaking, and I'll just say this right now: I cried hard at least three times because of this show. Maybe more.

And yet, for every dip, there is a resurfacing, and as sad as the show can get, the uplifting moments rise above the rest and really, really, make you feel love, and make you feel alive. And that's why I think A Place Further than the Universe is undoubtedly the best anime I've watched this season.

That should cover everything I watched this season, I think.

Right?

Pop Team Epic

Recommended if you like: Hell, video game references, nonsense, antihumour, art

Does this really count? I don't know if this anime counts in this list. I probably liked it more than Kokkoku, at the very least, and that one wasn't that bad. Still, it's so... Insanely hard to define Pop Team Epic. It's a bit show, I guess? Like, it's jokes. But it isn't even traditional jokes. It's just nonsense that's funny because it is and that's all you can really say about it. Sure, there's pop culture references, they're abundant. Sure, there's slapstick moments and parodies. Lots. But that's not even the meat of the show.

The majority of the jokes are simply because of the pure nonsense that happens, most noticeably in the (completely unchecked by the central production office) “Bobunemimimmi” segments where the characters are parodies of themselves and the jokes are sometimes completely nothing and yet are still funny. One of the most quotable bits from the show among my friends has been "Eisai Haramasukoi" which is literally just nonsense words. It means nothing. But it's so fun to say.

The bits in this show can be so obscurely humourous that sometimes just an unexpected change in the production value or the medium itself can qualify as a joke, often impressively so. Sometimes the joke isn't even a segment, but rather, how that segment even came to be placed in the show in the first place. The show airs the same half-length segments twice a week, but with different voice actors each airing and each week. Sometimes, the second airing changes some of the jokes, and sometimes it doesn't. Somehow, it tricked me into watching the same episode twice each week, and yet it never got boring. Pop Team Epic is a work of art that's sometimes so horribly ugly that it's hard to define it as so, and yet, it is. It just is.

It's definitely still not better than going to Antarctica, though.

[autumn-in-phandom]

“Did Dan get TOO TAN?”

(Sept 19th 2017 Dan liveshow timestamps)  

0:03 After an awkward pause and salute: “Hello cyber friends” (instant regret and reflection)

0:29 (Dear god, don’t grab your laptop by the screen like that Dan.)

0:44 Grimace #1

1:06 No Dan, you do not look *atol* different. That tweet, title and pic are all just clickbait.

1:10 (Bronze my ass.)

1:19 Hitting us with that meme.

1:25 (Didn’t need to be in your face thanks. Teasing angles?)

1:36 “Never say Trumpy ever again, in any circumstance.”

1:45 Lovely pores and freckles.

2:00 Obviously everyone subscribes to YouTubers for their freckle content.

2:30 Livestreams are “a mistake” because of the chat clinging on to one thing and spamming it.

2:40 No probing or questioning at airport, big grin.

3:01 “The broadband is terrible but the 4G is great.” Okay…

3:17 “The toasty Dan experience”, orangish filter.

3:26 Double rhyme: “I guess that’s a rhyme, yeah that’s fine” (okay it’s a slant rhyme)

3:47 “Buttered crumpet Daniel.”

4:02 “Went to an island in the Mediterranean.” (This is exactly the answer I expected and quite frankly the only one he should give.)

4:09 “Literally did nothing for about six days, it was great.”

4:15 ‘I am Pilgrim’ book recommended by his mum.

4:30 Tricked into reading 900 page book.

5:00 Holiday was incredibly relaxing.

5:10 “Ordeal” getting there, delayed flight, three hours “traumatizing”

5:22 “Haha long boye” “literally, shins driving into my chest, bleeding” alright hyperbolic humor Dan. “Tough.”

5:38 “Violated” on flight by guy’s elbows, “no respect for personal space”, “fully leaning into me”, “didn’t even care”, “honestly an icon for all of us.” (Was it Phil?)

6:03 3 am, old driver, mini bus, cliff roads, did pre-ritual preparing for death.

7:00 “So much yogurt”, doesn’t know why.

7:05 “Assaggetti” tweet, we can shame him, “has the worst sense of humor in the world”, check it out and unsubscribe, doesn’t remember the language (Italian), apologizes, “constantly problematic”.

7:55 “Got that D from the S up above” (vitamin D, or Phil…)

8:16 Phil came on the holiday in case anyone didn’t know.

8:18 “He went from like glass to pale ivory, which is good”, “Phil is someome who erupts in freckles whenever he goes outside, so it’s hard to tell if he tans or if your eyes are just kinda like drawing the dots between the space all the freckles are, if you know what I’m saying.” (Wow, I… I’d like to think you mean what I know, but I’m not sure. Wow.)

8:37 Someone in the chat: “Nice Ursa Major on that cheek boy”. Turn, pose, laugh.

8:41 “The Bigger Dipper of my self esteem.”

8:53 Good day: watched Bake Off and answered emails, “thrilling”.

9:13 Tumblr likes, fan art, “beautiful to celebrate the great people.”

9:43 “The internet is not here”, laughs, sighs, apologizes.

9:55 Some peer pressure advice.

10:25 Had to check what his video title is.

10:35 I don’t know why he bothers to ask if we watched either.

10:55 Accept that he does things by his British calendar.

11:11 Why he didn’t he talk about uni stories when it was happening. Ashamed? Yeah, processing turmoil at the time.

11:55 Now shares traumatizing, terrifying, shameful, embarrassing stories straight away.

12:15 Rowing club guy AU… (not what I was thinking)

12:46 Laundry story: Phil was nice, Dan didn’t ask, *literally* ordered a cab, turned up with suitcase, Phil assumed he dropped out and was moving in, “I’ve had a day and I’m going to wash my socks in your washing machine.”

13:13 “If you struggle to function as a person-” (I really wish he had finished this sentence)

13:15 Asda sponsor for crying in the cheese aisle?

13:23 Pasta burn shaming (were you just never in the kitchen with your mum Dan?)

13:36 Dropping laptop so much recently.

14:00 Never taught cooking, laundry, accounting.

14:18 “No one told me shit!” (in Dan’s face again).

14:33 “What happens when I’m 23?! How do I do a tax?!”

14:54 It was ravioli (pretty sure the instructions mentioned water Dan…)

15:15 Thick as in stupid, not thicc fat booty.

15:30 “Look Fatima, we all have different life experiences, okay?” (lol)

15:36 “Ravioli ravioli, give me the death I deserveioli.” Relates.

15:45 Rihanna livestream, forehead fetishist? Wouldn’t mind if anyone leaves for that.  

16:08 Not up on BTS, DNA.

16:33 Shames Eden for “let me see that pastussy” comment, “leave.”

16:45 “Love on the Brain”. He really loves Rihanna, amazing, blessing, doesn’t give a shit, casual, informal, etc. “Bitch Better Have My Money.”

17:25 Is sure BTS video with be “pure and beautiful”, expects “softly applied eyeshadow and very fluffy hair”, he’s sure he’ll enjoy.

17:38 Maybe new gaming video/livestream tomorrow.

17:45 Overcooked, ironic kitchen fire, foreshadowing.

18:08 Wasn’t sure if he should get into Chinese guy story again, but he has to.

18:13 Deep breath: “It was 4 am, I’d been you know, well hydrated that evening, but I decided I needed another drink” go into the kitchen, everyone else was asleep, guy had a whole chicken, with neck and feet, fine but surprising, tiniest pair of white y-fronts, hacked head off and made eye contact, just couldn’t, usually would awaken some kink in him…

19:39 Pool pic, shout out to friend, no consent, relaxing, absorbing sun like a lizard, *basking*, fell asleep, lucky it was a pool and he didn’t drift out to sea, sun stroke vid reference, “the bad tan”.

21:08 People saying “trying to be cute”, the double chins (really?!)

21:21 The least Dan-like photo.

21:33 Thought it would ruin his Instagram aesthetic.

22:10 Lack of other content: relaxing, reading,

22:24 Took a couple other photos, sunset selfie, “no one’s going to take a photo of me” (what the hell happened to your personal photographer?) but then people came (please post, please!)

23:40 Bake off is his life, “Noel Feilding is a national treasure”, caramel was torture while hungry, faves are Liam and not!Val (what did he whisper about Liam? Really wanted him to be…?)

24:30 *Maybe* Halloween Baking, they don’t think that far ahead about anything.

24:48 Phil’s role in Dan’s video, mugging scene took nine takes, afraid to punch him. Outtakes please!

26:03 (grimace #2) “Hello Grandma, my name is Daniel, I’m a wholesome person, that’s a very great influence”

26:16 Wachowski films

26:23 Dan floating in donut plushies would be very challenging.

26:33 Dan flips a bit at the idea that’s it’s weird to like people who don’t know who you are. Uses Ed Sheeran as example.

26:55 Scrolls past person who said they feel better when they have a dream about Dan and Phil.

27:17 Cared more about YouTube than university socializing and class, Pom Bear Massacre reference, made Tumblr account.

29:09 Chapped lips, season changed the moment he stepped off the plane.

29:42 “Okay Universe, I know I can be a bit of a downer, sometimes.”

29:51 Haley Barry Storm powers

30:08 Yes the furry blanket comes out, polyester, sad pimp, Marks & Spencer.

31:06 Ready for everything seasonal, autumnal Yankee Candle range, not haute, but fun themes.

31:31 Frisbee laptop across the room on to the bed, missed.

31:46 Candle haul, yes it is content we need right now!

32:26 Furry invasion on Splatoon, scaley, yiffing proposition, “this is a family game”, not shaming just concerned for kids, though it is hentai-esque…

33:27 Sonic: 2010 reminiscing, formatting of boxes.

34:04 Was stupid side kick, Phil being good, Dan trying to be helpful, actual just a cheerleader, Phil was disgusting, doesn’t know if Phil even knew what he was saying (of course he did).

34:38 Didn’t know uni vid was trending

34:52 Reflection (I think that’s the piano nook)

35:00 Weird because of swearing, someone at YT didn’t watch the vid, “Ah, keep doing that, don’t watch my videos, just know that I’m a good person…”

35:25 “I make great friendly content.” (grimace #3)

35:30 Explains why trending isn’t automatic. Yes, think of the children.

36:05 “But hey, I’m not bad, everything’s fine”.

36:45 “People of all genders do and don’t wear makeup”.

37:10 (I’m pretty sure that the no candles with birds is because of the fumes.)

37:25 What is with the nose touching when confirming Spooky Week? “Next video (nose touch) soon, don’t worry”…?

38:28 “Fans of everything are annoying, that’s just what happens when people are enthusiastic about stuff.”

39:19 Dan doesn’t get annoyed by different fandoms. Says more about the people being annoyed, part of their own insecurity, their lack of community, togetherness, celebration, shared experiences, jealous or sad, or maybe everyone just everyone’s annoying.

39:56 Dream Daddy: so dangerous saying Dilddy. Dan likes Damien, great taste, immaculate presentation, probably not Dilddy’s romantic soulmate.

40:31 Dan is in like ten fandoms (makes a face).

40:45 Chat: “Will Phil become a furry, what’s your fursona?” Dan: “Is it time to go?”

40:55 Has never thought about it, promises he’ll get on it soon, he knows what the internet wants from him.

41:31 Chat full of fursona suggestions. He’s going to start crying.

41:52 “A llama fucking hell.” “Look at the time.”

42:01 Going to go into a (not disturbing) hole later looking into axoltl fur suits.

42:24 Elf on a shelf meme, was going to post a Dan one, “old meme!” (Still don’t need to be up in your face Daniel.)

43:27 Really wants to go see IT, needs to see Mother.

44:04 Shut up! American Horror Story, makes him happy. Loves Sarah Paulson (is his life), feels represented by a lesbian with anxiety. Evan Peters is great, looks gross, or great depending.

45:25 His fursona should be a big bear, I agree. What a reaction.

45:46 Left comb on holiday, looks like a bush.

46:13 (grimace #4 at group chat names.)

46:20 “What is wrong with all of you?”

46:22 Glosses over diet ask. Indeed.

46:26 “Don’t call me Uncle Dan when we’re talking about fursonas.”

46:36 “If you live in Australia vote for marriage equality, we don’t need to have this conversation.” “Come on, come on Australia, sort your shit out.”

47:03 Going to “innocently Google things that are fine”.

47:22 “Me and Phil would love to come to Russia”.

47:27 Limitations of TATINOF.

47:44 Watch uni vid: “Don’t take it too seriously. Remember that most of the time I’m just trying to be funny, and if you ever want like my real feelings or opinions, just think about whatever the opposite of what I’m saying is, and that’s usually how to get to the sincere heart of whatever Dan’s talking about.”

48:13 “Stay calm, ask some senpais for some life advice and think carefully about what your fursona should be.”

#phan #dan liveshow #dan and phil #dan livestream #dnp timestamps

[thecosmiccuttlefish]

March 14th 2017

0621: I had trouble getting to sleep last night. A quirky nurse came in to draw blood. She’s was blonde m, wore a blue camo shirt and spoke in a sing songy voice. She told me “Here, just put the covers over your eyes.” In order to block out the light, and asked if I danced. “No? It must be someone else.” But she was really good at drawing blood. I barley felt it. So I’ll give her that.

0636: 50 something nurse came in.   50 something nurse asked: “Did the lab come?”, referring to blood work, and in my case the quirky nurse. She took my heart rate and blood pressure lying then standing (after standing for two minutes). After I asked to go to the bathroom, and disconnect my heart monitor (three small cords red, white, and black) she told me to change into the hospital gown because she was going to weigh me. That’s new. After I was weighed it was back into my pyjamas and off to bed after a temperature check.

“Are you feeling worse this morning?” 50 something nurse asks me with a thermometer in my mouth. I smile and shake my head. “I’m just like a dentist.” She said. “Asking questions with a mouth open.” Does she mean closed?

She also told me that my heart rate drastically improved. Up to 38bmp as my low. I should be out of the hospital soon. But, I’m trying not to think about that. Numbers and the rest. I’m just focusing on what I need right now. More sleep.

1113: So, mum came around 9am. I went to breakfast with her in the very classy “Teen Lounge” down the all. Are they waning me off of food? I had oatmeal, some gargantuan genetically modified banana, and under the green dome of destiny was toast. That’s all. I had peanut butter, let the marmalade rot, sped up it’s abandonment by the power of  eating disorder. My mum was sure my heart rate was 35bpm at night and announced it when she woke me from my slumber. “Your heart rate is still low. 35.” Turns out she just saw that on a monitor somewhere. Nurse L confirmed that it was 38. Why you always gotta go react like that mum?

“Was she weighed?” Said mum.

“Yes…” Said nurse L.

“I’d rather not know.“ I interjected. “Because, with eating disorders..”

~I feel that air of electricity when I begin to talk about eating disorders like some secret cult that I am privy to and understand and others want to learn about. I sense attention and interest. Performers instinct?~

“Because with eating disorders you get competitive. Oh my heart rate was that, I need to get it back there. Oh, that’s my weight. I can beat that. So, I’d rather not focus on numbers and focus instead on what I need to do to recover” I looked down, nodded my head.

They understood. Mum would find out my weight later.

Mum also said, to the nurse that she felt my calorie intake could be bumped a bit.

“I don’t know how much she’s eating now.” Mum said in her pleasant ethereal voice. My dad has this weird voice he uses when he talks to people with an accent. My sister and I point out to each other by saying “I smell popcorn. Do you smell popcorn?” Be it with a Mexican butler, a Chinese grandpa, He enunciates his words and laughs a little too much. “Oh! Ho-ho! Okay! Haha!” My mum has a great way of getting whatever she wants when it comes to hotels and services. She sometimes speaks very pleasantly, in a slightly higher voice than normal. With pleasant inclinations of inquiry where she might cock her head to the side. “I don’t know how much she’s eating now.”

“Um. She’s on a 1700 calorie diet.” Said the nurse.

So much for numbers.

Then I had a shower. My cold is still pretty nasty, so I tried to steam the sick away.

Then mum left, I maximized walking time by going back and forth to the sink.

First by getting my tooth brush and tooth paste, walking to the sink and brushing,

Then walking back getting my retainers and the retainer case, walking to the sink brushing them and putting them away.

Then walking back to tuck my retainers away and get my hair brush, walking to the sink and brushing my tangled hair. The hospital baby shampoo isn’t stellar.

A nurse with pink pants came in at some point and told me to buzz her when I wanted the leads on.

THEN FINALLY I walked back, put my brush away, and went to the washroom, then sat on my bed.

Finally, a new girl named came in. Her name was Stephanie and she painted, and now I’ve just been typing.

1137: Grammy came in, I’m going to hang out with her now.

1231: So Grammy and I went to the game room. I called a nurse to check if it was okay that I was un-tethered. “Oh you don’t need to do that” Said Gammy. “The nurses are busy.” But I was insane and did it anyways. Nurse L said it was alright. She got me some lovely water with ice and Grammy and I played checkers. I beat her once, then she crushed me. I ate all my foods.

Here’s the menu, transcribed by me:

Lunch

TUE 03/14/17

1X 2% Milk

1X Seasonal Fresh Fruit

1X Egg Salad SW

1X Creamy Coleslaw

1X Minestrone Soup

Notes about the above.

*The milk actually takes up about a 1/3rd of a small glass and it comes with a plastic lid.

*I think I’m going to start a world wide petition to stop fruit from being unfairly labeled “Seasonal” and/or “Fresh” The fruit I received had obviously been canned for some mysterious amount of time. It was all diced and cubed and had some bright pink marachino cherry bits, so really, it was about as fresh as a loaf of bread salvaged from the nuclear apocalypse sponsored by corn syrup. Also, what season? It’s spring here. Barley. The only fruit that’s growing in this climate is Apple’s stocks. Let’s do everyone a solid and stop lying to ourselves. Call it “Fruit” or put a series of question marks “???” Anything is better than deceitful adjectives.

We talked a bit about her family. She is great at telling stories from years passed, she loves it. “My sister and I often ask ourselves, why is it that we don’t smoke? After all these years, even though our parents did! Well, we always come up with the same answer.” “The dirty ash trays-” “That’s right! The dirty ash trays.” I’ve heard that story like three times but she always has fun telling it.

We talked about how sick I was. She showed me some pictures of me on her phone. She has such a great archive,How I smelt weird when I first came back, Ketonic? Was the word?

She walked me back to the room, I put my tray down, I went to the bathroom, she waited for me, Then she gave me her tic-tacs for her sinuses and left. I love her.

1246: Nurse L walked in. She is stealthy. You can’t hear her coming. It’s like she’s five and travels along her parents wood floors using fluffy socks. One more reason not to workout. I wasn’t going to anyways, GEEZ!

1251: RECOVERY THOUGHT: I never asked myself when I had enough exercise. I thought that was weakness. To truly enjoy yourself you must listen to your body, and what you want. Never be ashamed of that. Ladeeda.

1325: Okay, so Dr. Patooti came in and we talked for a bit. She suggested I talk to Psychologist #2. For continuity. My weight it actually down a bit. She asked if I felt my calorie intake should be upped. I could feel my eyes practically widen in their sockets. “My mum is bringing extra snacks today.” No need for that increase thank you. Then she asked how my Chinese was going. We talked for a while about how she has trouble pronouncing her V’s and W’s. She pulled back the tacky blinds and pointed to the window. “I used to call the a Vindow!” Das’ cool.

Still no exercise. Nurse L came and hooked me up to the heart monitor again. 

In other news, I haven’t worn a bra in like three days because who am I trying to impress? Very floopy and nice. Yes.

1518: Or, 3:18pm. Anyways. I got accepted to this university program I was looking forward to. This is good and exciting and yes. It’s a very small university. Guarantee you’ve never heard of it unless you live close to where I am. It’s a two year program. It seems so long to commit, but I suppose it really isn’t when you think about… I don’t know. All of junior, middle and high school. I can do this. No worries, and time is just going to speed up right?

Anyways, I saw this exciting announcement in my email after sitting down. I was standing you see because I allowed myself 15 minutes of stretching. It was only 33% disordered. The disordered bits of it are listed below:

It was timed, which is only a little bit of a problem. I need to know how long I’m stretching somehow. The disordered part is the feeling that I can’t stop until it’s done.

I added 48 seconds to the timer. Because I need to buffer any time I might be messing around and not stretching.

Every time I had to stop, like when the eating disorder clinic gave me a call (ironically) I added a minute to my time to make up for the time, and the time I’ll need to get back into the flow.

Gentle stretching turned into isometric yoga poses.

But there, then basically I sat down to check for the email the ED person said she sent me. I didn’t see that email, but I did see the acceptance letter and that was very exciting indeed. So that’s something to talk about with mum when she comes for dinner in about an hour or so.

The day just flys by!

1545: Okay, so I’m just listening to some chill millennial music, and  I’m feelin very work out ish. But I can’t think about the urge too much. It fuels it. I’ll make a plan. So, I’ll get up, go to the washroom. Study Chinese, then stretch for another 15min. That seems alright. Maybe a guided you tube stretch? It’s a pretty good alternative. Okay, go.

1750: So mum came by, and UG. UG! I ate a vegan brownie, because mum wanted me to. And two of those little greek rice wrap things and now I want to exercise, so this is where Netflix comes in. I feel on the verge of crying. Not really, but it’s in there somewhere.

She came in, I was coming out of the bathroom around 1614 after doing a hundred high knees and 25 squat jacks and she said “What were you doing in there?”

I told her.

“Naughtyyyy”

Then she revealed some presents she brought me. One of those 99 things to do when you have time that have artsy fill-it-in-yourself pages. She was looking at me very lovingly. We talked for a bit. I found out my neighbor, Emily is a model. She eats everything too!

I can get past this anxiety. Stop trying to rationalize it.

We played connect four. I won one. We tied, I think she won one. Then checkers. I was doing pretty well. Then not so well. She made a lip sound. “Shut up!!” I cried. “Margoo. Don’t get upset about a little game of checkers.” I double jumped her twice, but left myself venerable. She double jumped me.

“One little lapse my dear.” Said she.

She plugged me in, which is the modern day version of tucking me in, and then left.

I love her.

1817: I started doing squats, but the good news is Stephanie is right across from me. and that looks weird so I stopped. I’m kind of depressed. I think I want to curl up.

I’m going to watch a terrible sitcom.

1946: So, I did good things. I talked with my mum about how I was feeling, I realized that my thoughts are just thoughts not threats and I managed to feed myself. My mum watched through video chat. To be honest, I’m sort of jealous of Stephanie across from me. She hasn’t been on a computer once. She’s just painting… I want to be like her. That’s the life. Anyways… what else. I’ll go off my computer till 9pm. Or 2100 in this weird 24 hour journal I’ve got going here. Keeping tabs on my dad has made me realize how many small details are forgotten if you let it slip your mind. So… what’s the plan… Put the hummus away. Stretch for another 15min. Keep it light. Then work on Chinese. Finish the documentary. It’s good. It opens my eyes. It makes me want to help the world. Makes me think the university program I’m going into is for me. So ya, I’ll put down a deposit. Maybe I’ll fill out the form first. Then hummus, then stretching, then Chinese, then documentary, then writing, then bedtime. Good plan!

It’s funny. I’m putting away the hummus and pita… but I really want to eat it all too. I really want to stuff myself. But no no. Eat intuitively. C ya pals. Can you tell I’m getting more tired? My writing is getting more sloppy.

2152: What started as stretches turned to resetting the timer and doing lots of spider man’s and things. Awful terrible. My parents are becoming more and more convinced they need to hire someone. HIRE SOMEONE! At home. It’s awful! Humiliating. Terrible. Incredibly tumultous. I hate it. Stop. Please god stop. Please god stop please god please please please please please please please please please please. I was Facetiming with my mum, after sending her the two texts in regards to not exercising, or acting on my latest obsession to make myself sweat!:

#1“Failing.”

#2 “Faillling”

And she said psychologist #1 sent an email and cc’d me in it. Lies. I asked her to forward it to me. I don’t think I was meant to read it. It was basically talking about getting help. Here are some prime excerpts: 

Dad:

.…She clearly needs close supervision as someone needs to sit with her for all meals and supervise her or else she will be exercising….my wife and I need a break of a break with this…I would like to hire someone to be with her in the house when we go to work.  I don’t see Margo going back to work herself anytime soon….

Psychologist #1

….I realize that she has been trying very hard to defeat the eating disorder and associated urges but right now she is not anywhere near having enough self-control and has put herself in danger hence the hospitalization to buy time….The few days in hospital will not have helped at all if she goes back to exercising (which I understand she was doing on the ward yesterday). So, if she is going home in the next few days, I expect her to complain but accept that she is going to have someone with her (at considerable expense to the family, which she needs to appreciate, and which I think she does appreciate)…until the day when she can manage the urges on her own. If she chooses to fight this logic, I would bring her back to the notion that someone with an addiction is not left alone in a room with a line of coke or a bottle of gin and someone with suicidal urges is not left alone with a gun….

ARGGGGG NO! AWFUL! TERRIBLE! I guess I should just freakin’ accept it. Or start lying about my exercise so they stop FUH-REAKIN’ out!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.A

I’d exercise right now but I’m scared that they’ll pick it up on my heart monitor but I am so angry I don’t care, and am going to do an angry pyramid anyways. No! Maybe I should write an ukelele song instead? Channel it into more constructive ways?

2218: Okay, I’ve decided to not think about it till the morning. Sort of put mental blinders on the whole thing. I know I’ll feel better in the morning.

2315: Skyler, a lovely nurse who I'm growing more fond of and talked to me when I was super anxious came and took my vitals. It's my favourite part of the night because I find the stethoscope relaxing. Gentle touching is nice, not to sound creepy. Then, because I'm still angry and feel like hating myself, watched vines on YouTube till I heard poor Stephanie rolling around. Someone who paints and reads can't be offended. She's untaintable. I hope I feel calmer in the morning. I don't want to go back to this eating disorder. This fear filled hell pit. It's awful. That was my March 14th 2017 Good talking to you.