#but i AM happy that it gave me an excuse to binge the series while i drew | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

floralseokjin · 3 years

Text

final sleigh drabble #1

❛ a few hours later...❜

original oneshot here // drabble index here

kim seokjin x reader smut, comedy 8,156 words (🥴)

Rushing to the door as you heard the low knock against the wood, you took a few deep breaths before yanking it open, knowing what was about to happen once Seokjin stepped inside.

He smiled as you came into view, a tiny one that seemed to round his cheeks something crazy. Something inside you went a little gooey. He was dressed in a thin black sweater that hugged his body, a basic silver chain hanging around the neckline. You were half expecting him to turn up in another one of his Christmas jumpers — the one he had been wearing earlier was still embedded inside your brain, but mainly because of what you’d been doing... Seven hours ago you’d thrown caution to the wind and participated in something that could 1000% get you fired. Although... It had been your idea, so.

“Hey,” you said with a smile, feeling momentarily a little awkward. This was no innocent visit after all. He was here to have sex with you. Please, he’d begged. Let me fuck you. The memory of his words were enough to tinge your cheeks a darker shade.

“Hey,” he greeted, taking the first step inside. For a brief second his face appeared not so far from yours and you wondered if he was about to kiss you. You had kissed with abandon earlier on in the day after all. But instead, his lips flickered up into a smirk. He was amused as he spoke. “Pizza guy just pulled up too.”

“Oh.” It took a moment for your brain to process what he was telling you. “Let me grab my purse.”

You toddled off, into your living room and through to the kitchen, leaving him by the open door. Jerk, you thought, realising he’d been messing with you, or at least, that’s what you thought. Who knew, and you weren’t about to ask him. You didn’t want to give him the satisfaction.

When you got back to your entryway Seokjin had his wallet out in front of the pizza delivery guy, fishing for bills. “What are you doing?” You demanded.

Seokjin shrugged. “I’ll pay, it’s no big deal.”

“No way.” You thrust inside your purse, eager to beat him.

“Y/N.” It sounded as if he was half warning you, voice low.

“It was my idea, I’m paying.”

Inviting him over just for sex seemed a little... crude, for lack of a better word, so suggesting pizza helped soften the intent – in your eyes.

Seokjin looked at you incredulously and when he realised you weren’t going to give in, he sighed loudly. “Let’s go dutch then, I am eating half after all.”

“Fine.” You weren’t happy about it, but fine.

You both handed your cash to the delivery guy who had watched the whole exchange wordlessly. You took the boxes from him and waited as he counted out your change.

“Here,” he said, reaching his hand out to pass it to Seokjin, who shook his head.

“She can have it.”

The guy changed direction, holding his arm out as he waited for you to take it (hands full, mind you...).

“No, you can have it,” you told Seokjin.

He turned his head, dismissing you. “I don’t want it.”

You choked out a noise of frustration. However “gooey” you’d been feeling five minutes ago had well and truly disappeared now. Nothing had changed, despite what had happened earlier, he was still an annoying ass when he wanted to be.

“Can someone just take it?” The delivery guy exclaimed, causing you to startle. “I have five other pizzas getting cold.”

“Fine,” you hissed, displeased by his attitude. Yes, okay, you were wasting his time but no need to be so rude about it. “Put it on the box.” You glanced at Seokjin, seeing him try to hold back his laughter. That just annoyed you more.

“Wash your hands,” you ordered him as soon as the mannerless delivery guy left.

He slipped his sneakers off and followed you into the kitchen, stopping halfway as you dropped the pizza boxes onto your coffee table. He washed his hands in silence, absentmindedly looking around the room, as if he was getting familiar with the place again, and then it dawned on you; he’d been here before. Last weekend, after your drunken make out session that had resulted in him packing you off to bed with a glass of water... Your memories were still hazy, but it was something.

As you washed your hands too, you noticed Seokjin watching down at you with a smile that had you feeling a little uneasy. “What?”

Maybe this was a bad idea.

“Nothing,” he shrugged, but his eyes twinkled more than usual, the last syllable bubbling in his throat as he held back another laugh.

You opened your mouth, ready to tell him something. You didn’t know what, maybe to shut up? But then he shifted, moving in one swift motion to lean in and kiss you.

You made a small shocked noise as he pressed his lips against yours, eyes wide open even though his were fluttered closed, but soon enough you relaxed, settling into his touch as he cupped your hips, yours reaching to grip under his elbows.

He pulled back suddenly, grinning. “This is the best. All I have to do is kiss you and you shut up.”

Huh? “You can’t weaponise kissing, Seokjin,” you scowled.

“Wanna bet?” And he was on you once more, you, miraculously quiet again. His mouth was a little more eager now, presses harder as your lips glided together, and your mind was quickly becoming cloudy. Kissing Seokjin was a little addictive. You couldn’t hate it even if you tried.

“Mhm.” He groaned a little against you, sending your lips tingling. “I swear I just experienced the slowest 3 hours of my life.”

You had to agree. From half 5 to now, you’d been practically counting down the minutes.

“Actually,” he added as an afterthought. “I’ve wanted to kiss you ever since we had to stop.”

You couldn’t help but smile, fingers lifting to play with the chain around his neck. Since when did he accessorise, and why was it so hot?

“Well, you’re here now,” you said, your voice a little softer than you’d expected it to be, but whatever, Seokjin wanted to kiss you just as much as you wanted to kiss him. You’d leave it slide.

“Come,” he jerked his head in the direction of your living room, taking your hands in his. “Pizza first, you’ll need your energy.”

The wink he gave you was completely uncalled for. Your legs instantly felt a little shaky.

You spent maybe an hour eating and chatting a little. It was a little strange to be having a proper conversation with Seokjin, in light of what you both had been this past six months, but when you thought about it, you’d shared numerous conversations ever since you’d began the Christmas party planning, so it wasn’t too bizarre. Actually, it was nice. You felt less nervous about the obvious direction tonight would soon go.

You scrolled Netflix, choosing Brooklyn Nine-Nine as background noise as you were in the middle of binging the series and it was something light and funny to fill the sometimes small silences that fell between you. Only, Seokjin informed you he’d already watched all available seasons three times and that meant he could recite any given episode on cue. It was slightly endearing watching him go, if not mildly annoying too, but whatever, he was enjoying himself.

You didn’t know who started kissing who soon enough, it might very well have been you. One minute you were sneaking looks his way, checking out his biceps in that sinful sweater and the next you were wrapped up against his body, tongues furiously crashing together. The line had been crossed once again, only this time things were leading somewhere even more exciting.

You were ready for this. You’d showered before he’d arrived, made sure there were no stray hairs poking out of random places on your body – because this afternoon had taken you by surprise, but now you were prepared. You had your sexiest lingerie on, a black lace two piece that you hadn’t had a chance to wear yet. It seemed to show more skin than cover it, but that’s exactly what you wanted. You’d even painted your god damn toenails. You wanted to knock his proverbial socks off.

Your phone was on silent, no room for interruptions no matter whose house was on fire. Ana had already been informed of your dick appointment, and while her first instinct had been to gloat, you’d stopped her right in her tracks. You didn’t want to hear it and you didn’t want to hear from her tonight, because she often liked to call you when she was bored – very often.

Tonight you were going to get laid and nothing was going to get in your way. It had been a long six months, and yes, it was sex with Seokjin, but honestly, that just made it better. You thought back to this afternoon, how good it had felt to be touched by him and how hard he’d made you cum. You didn’t want to jinx things, but you had very high hopes for tonight...

“This afternoon feels like a dream,” he confessed against your mouth, taking the moment to pull you onto his lap, his hands snaking their way down to ass to give it a firm squeeze, rolling you into his crotch.

You let out a throaty groan, mouth open, giving him perfect access to lick into it, stealing your tongue to suck the muscle gently. You clutched tightly to the nape of his neck, catching some of the small hairs and he moaned. You were under the impression Seokjin liked having his hair tugged...

“It definitely happened,” you grinned as he pulled away, and you took the opportunity to nibble on his plump bottom lip.

“I don’t know, you’re going to have to remind me...” He gave a throaty chuckle, nudging his hips and you felt the very obvious bulge in his jeans.

“What do you think I’m doing right now?” You laughed at a sudden memory, placing your hands on Seokjin’s chest to ease up. “No one had a clue.”

He held your wrists, keeping you to him as he laughed along. “Not even Jungkook. He was so oblivious.”

“Even with the lame excuse with the cake.”

“Hey,” he whined, “in my defence, I panicked.”

Humming, you leaned in to press against his lips, pulling back before he could part them. “Yeah, we probably should’ve thought of a reason beforehand.” Terrible lack of judgement on your part.

“Do you think?” Seokjin asked rhetorically, impatient as he lunged to kiss you, clasping your arms tight to your side to keep you still until they strayed, caressing your sides, ghosting the sides of your breasts. Your skin felt electric, despite the layers that blocked his touch.

You squealed as he gripped your hips, finding your back flush with the sofa cushions in an instant. Seokjin liked to throw his strength around a lot too it seemed. Not that you were complaining, it was hot, and you spread your legs, letting him nestle between them as his mouth found yours again. You clutched at his shoulders, gasping into the kiss from the sheer want you were feeling.

“Been waiting so long to get my hands on this body,” he grunted against you; leaving you wondering if he meant all day, or longer? The way he was tugging at your mouth with his made you want to believe it was the latter... Ridiculous, but maybe...

Hands riding up your shirt as you moaned in agreement, he made goosebumps appear against your stomach, his fingers glided along the hot skin, and then, suddenly, they were on the buttons of your jeans, fiddling in haste.

Anything more was wasting time, and your stomach leaped with anticipation, knowing you didn’t need to wait much longer. Soon he’d be fucking you. You were beside yourself.

An exasperated sigh stole your attention and you felt Seokjin move, kneeling between your legs, sofa cushions dipping with the weight as he yanked at the waistband of your jeans, a groan leaving him now.

“Why do you insist on wearing sex proof clothing?”

You used your elbows to sit up a little, narrowing your eyes at his dramatics. “They’re jeans, Seokjin. Hardly difficult to take off.” Yes, admittedly there were a few more buttons than usual but they were simple to undo. You reached down, swatting his hands out the way to unfasten them. “There. See.”

You watched his bottom lip stick out slightly, his voice small and annoyed as he spoke. “I wanted to do that.”

“Shut up,” you scoffed lightly, grabbing his arms to tug him back to you. You went to kiss him but he was moving you again, hooking his hands around you waist to prop you up.

His mouth found the crook of your neck, half pinning you to the sofa as his right hand slipped into your jeans, and you moaned when the pads of his fingers found your clit above your underwear, rubbing you firmly a few times before he slid down to your opening, feeling and hearing how wet you’d already become. It had soaked through your panties no issue at all.

Seokjin let out a tight grunt as he felt it, lifting his hand to bypass the lace and feel you for real. It was pretty restricted down there, your jeans still snug around your hips but he made it work, rubbing your whole mound, spreading your arousal.

“I can’t believe I’m going to fuck you...” He murmured, although his voice wasn’t particularly soft, more thick with lust. He was sucking on your earlobe, working out you liked that very much by now and you struggled to gain your bearings. “Be inside you...”

“Mhmm,” you moaned in agreement, the noise breaking in half when you felt him insert a finger inside of you.

Again, room was tight and even though he couldn’t finger you like he wanted he still made it feel amazing – or probably you were just too far gone now. Everything he was doing was driving you wild. You dragged your hands up and down his torso, clinging onto any muscle you came across.

“I swear you haven’t felt nothing yet,” he informed you, mouth tight to your jaw and your moans turned into mild tugs for breath if anything, your head falling back against the edge of the sofa. “Jiin–“

He paused his kisses, his hand following suit trapped in your underwear. “Jin?” He repeated, tilting his head back to meet your eyes, his left eyebrow ever so slightly lifting. “Why did you call me that?”

What was he going on about? You were hot and desperate and here he was suddenly questioning you. “It’s your name, isn’t it?”

He looked mildly concerned. “You’ve never called me that before.”

You breathed out a confused laugh. “Am I not allowed? Everyone else calls you it.”

His expression grew softer, sincerity pooling in his words. “You’re not everyone else though. I love it when you call me Seokjin.”

You had to admit you were a little speechless. You knew in the past you’d never used the shortened version of his name because you refused to be friendly with him like everyone else. ‘Seokjin’ held a distance between you, or so you’d thought... In reality it had become something special between you both...

“Fine,” you whispered, pushing your hips into his hand as you moaned lightly, catching his eyes. “Seokjiin.”

He found that funny – you both did, laughing together before you lifted a hand to play with his necklace, giving him a small smile. “Wanna go to my room now?”

You lead him by the hand all the way and he followed you eagerly, eyes hungry. You switched on the lamp by your bed, and safe inside your room he got a little distracted, his eyes darting around the unfamiliar setting, as if he was soaking it all in, but that only lasted for a little while, something, or someone, far more interesting needing his attention. His gaze found you stood at the foot of your bed.

You followed the hand that tugged at his crotch and noticed the now incredibly visible tent inside his jeans. Your gut lurched as he strode towards you. “Come here,” he breathed, reaching for you, and just like that his lips were on yours again. Somehow you ended up in his arms again, his hands firmly cupping your ass as you clung on, moaning into his mouth as your enjoyment started to reach breaking point.

You squealed out his name when you felt him lift his knees to the bed, dropping you down to cage you under his body.

“I got you. Relax,” he chuckled, finding your reaction amusing as you squeezed your fingers into his biceps. A low noise emitted from his throat as he nosed at your neck, mumbling into your skin, “I love feeling you touch me.”

Your heartbeat skyrocketed, sure he could feel your pulse against his lips and you moaned a little too loudly when you felt his teeth bite down on the flesh, continuing his descent down to your collarbones and chest before it became too much and began to tickle you.

“You’re really finding that ticklish?” He asked curiously, lifting his head to catch a look at your face.

You nodded, sucking your bottom lip into your mouth as you stroked down his arms, a little pleased now that you knew it drove him crazy.

He smirked down at you, his eyes near black. It totally altered his face – his whole demeanour actually. “Do you like a little pain, Y/N?”

He had to see the mild shock on his face, but you quickly composed yourself. Where had that come from? His mouth seemed to run wild when he was turned on, if the storage room was anything to go by, and you found yourself enjoying it immensely. You hooked your hands around his neck as you sat up and he eased away, kneeling straighter. Your teeth reached to nip his bottom lip. “Depends on what kind,” you purred as he hissed at the sensation.

He watched you lean back, never taking his eyes off you as you removed your arms from his neck to pull your shirt over your head. Immediately he stood up, his sweater gone in one swift motion as he dropped it at his feet. You soaked in the view, his torso toned, chest firm. The silver chain hung around his neck, patches of skin flush, revealing his evident arousal.

He tilted his head and smirked. “Like what you see?”

You rolled your eyes. “Cocky much?” But yes, yes you did.

He snorted, laughing pretty loudly as he knelt back on the mattress. “I’m just messing around.”

You couldn’t help but touch him, your hands travelling up his body and across his chest as he crawled over you. He grunted as your lips met and you kissed one another hungrily, more eager now than ever. His hands grazed the cups of your bra and no more than a few moments later he was on one breast, licking and sucking at your nipple, quickly soaking the lace. You moaned loudly, the sensation sending you partially shaky until you had to hold the back of his head, rooting yourself in fear of falling backwards.

His left hand travelled around your back, fingers fumbling with the strap of your bra. “Can I?” He asked, and you strained out a yes.

He broke away from your nipple as he used his other hand to help hook you free. The straps fell lose against your arms and he tugged at the middle of your bra to remove it entirely. His eyes ate you up before cupping the soft flesh in his palms, jaw slack as he flicked his eyes up to yours.

“You have the prettiest tits.”

Slightly abashed by his words but turned on by the way his thumbs rubbed circles against your sensitive nipples, you found yourself chuckling. “That’s good to know.”

“No, really,” he half-awed, reaching to kiss you again. “You’re just... perfect.”

He sounded so sincere it shocked you, made you unsure what to respond. Not that you could anyway, his tongue down your throat again, his body pressed against yours as your urge for him continued to grow.

You were thankful when you felt his hands tug at the waistband of your jeans. “I need to get you fucking naked,” he muttered against your shoulder. You were unable to keep track of his mouth, he was kissing every inch of bare skin he found.

You lifted your ass off the bed, helping him shimmy the fabric down and over your ass before they became jammed at your thighs. Okay, maybe skinny jeans had been a bad idea... He got them down to your knees with quite a struggle, leaning back to yank them off the rest of the way. He nearly fell backwards with the force, irritated eyes finding yours. “I swear to God, you don’t want me to fuck you.”

You tried your best not to laugh, he was putting way too much effort into a simple(ish) task, if he carried on like this you’d have no other option than to think he was incapable at stripping women. Instead, now that you were finally free of your jeans, you spread your thighs, revealing your barely there panties.

“Really?” You cocked an eyebrow. You were now more aroused than ever, the delicate fabric stuck damp to your sex, and Seokjin’s eyes immediately wondered to the sight you’d put on display, his eyes glazing over slightly, darkening with lust.

He stood from the bed suddenly, unzipping his own jeans to remove them too, throwing them to the side with haste. You could easily see the curve of his impressive erection in those tight black boxer shorts and as he crawled back to you, you couldn’t help but cup him, tracing your fingers across the thick length before rubbing him, feeling him push into your touch and groan as his lips pressed into yours.

You pulsed when you felt his hand cup your mound, knowing he could feel the heat that radiated from it instantly. He pinched at the sticky fabric, pulling it back and snapping it against you. Annoyingly, he didn’t seem to take much interest in the underwear as you’d hoped, more concerned about what was underneath, so near enough immediately, he had them gone – successfully this time. His gaze travelled to your nakedness, soaking in the view before he traced the outline of your folds with his fingertips. “You’re literally fucking naked in front of me,” he awed, never once taking his eyes off you.

He had to feel you pulsing beneath him, eager for something more, but he didn’t give you it. “I didn’t think being this wet was possible,” he whispered smugly, eyes flicking over to your face.

You grumbled, although probably more frustrated he was teasing you than by his words. “Stop trying to inflate your ego.”

He chuckled, shifting closer, and then suddenly there was a finger inside you. You sucked in a breath, no time to get accustomed to the sensation as he began fingering you, curling and pressing the long digit against your velvety walls. “Fuck. Seokjin!”

He grinned wolfishly down at you, strands of hair falling into his eyes, but you could still see them twinkling with mirth. “Found another way to shut you up.”

You would’ve scowled if your mouth wasn’t too busy moaning. He was not going to weaponise fingering too...

His actions sped up as he slipped a second digit into you, straightening them as he fucked you with them, sending you splayed out on the mattress as he knelt between your legs. You should’ve maybe felt self-conscious by now, but the pleasure coursing through your body was too distracting. Plus, the way Seokjin watched you, eyes hungrily staring at your breasts jiggling with each snap of his wrist, had you basking in the attention.

You were shocked to find out how close to coming you had been when he abruptly pulled out of you, your body on a come down as shaky breaths wracked throughout you. His mouth was on yours immediately, kissing you messily, shallow breathing. His voice shook as he spoke. “Fuck. I can’t think straight.”

He kneeled up, looking between your legs again as he vigorously rubbed at his dick. “Let me eat you out again.”

He went to dive in, but you stopped him, placing your hands on his shoulders as you sat up. “Wait, you’ve already done that.” As much as you’d loved it and wouldn’t mind a repeat, what was the point in waiting? He was obviously as desperate for you as you were for him. There was no point dragging it out, anymore would just be considered teasing.

You looked up at him with half-lidded eyes, running your hand down his chest. He was a little sweaty and you loved it. “Just fuck me. I want to feel you already.”

He looked down at your hand, fingers now toying with the waistband of his underwear and swallowed. “Yeah... Yeah, good idea.”

Standing on the floor, he looked around for his jeans, spotting them near the left side of your bed. You shuffled closer, reaching out to grab his elbow and stop him in his tracks. “Take those off first, I want to get a good look at your ass,” you prompted, gesturing to his underwear.

He looked a little surprised by your request, but listened, giving you somewhat of a bemused smirk as he stripped himself of his boxers. He turned slightly, protecting the fullness of his butt as he reached down for his jeans, but you were more than satisfied with the curve of the flesh you saw. Seokjin always did have a nice looking ass in his work pants – not that you’d been staring, of course...

“I feel like a piece of meat,” he told you, eyes narrowed as he stepped closer, foil packet between his fingers.

“A tasty piece of meat,” you corrected, feeling excited when he sat down on the side of the bed and dropped the condom beside your bodies. You were literally a couple of minutes away from having him inside you, and you quite honestly couldn’t contain yourself.

Crawling into his lap, you hooking your arms around his neck, feeling his wrap around your waist, his cock bouncing slightly against your inner thigh. Pulling you closer he pressed his mouth into yours, his grip firm, kiss passionate. A hand travelled down to your ass, another cupping one breast and he moaned loudly as he pulled away from your lips. “God. I love your body so much.”

You smirked, very much appreciating the praise and as if your body couldn’t help it, you pressed your hips into him, rubbing against his thigh partially.

“You really like to grind,” he commented, looking down between your bodies and that’s when you couldn’t take it any longer, reaching down to wrap your hand around his dick. His hips jumped at the sensation, and you couldn’t help but run your fist up and down the length, feeling the hot, ridged flesh pulse against your grasp.

Condom back between his fingers, you watched him start to tear it open, rushed slightly, his hips absentmindedly jutting up into your hand. Randomly, your eyes caught the writing on the gold square and instantly your mouth became dry.

“What?” Seokjin asked, pausing his movements as he noticed something was wrong. Did your face give it away?

“N-nothing,” you stuttered, tearing your gaze away from the bolded King Size to look down at your hand. Seokjin’s dick almost taunted you. You hadn’t really paid attention to it properly since he’d gotten naked, forgetting the shock you’d felt earlier on in the day when faced with the massive task. Your mouth had accustomed well, but your vagina?! You were getting reservations...

“You really do have a fucking massive dick.”

Seokjin chuckled, angling his head low to kiss your mouth. He knew you’d noticed the text on the condom packet now. “You’ll make him go shy with all these compliments.”

He lifted you in one smooth motion and you found yourself spread on your back, head on the pillow as he hovered over you, sliding the condom on. He held his cock in his hand as he dropped to his knees, tugging it a couple of time just to make sure all was secure and then he leaned in to place a kiss on your shoulder. “Can’t wait to be inside you,” he murmured, rubbing the head if his cock against your sex. You could hear the noise of the latex and you clenched unconsciously, now nervous. “Hm?” He prompted, waiting for a likeminded reply. When you didn’t give him one he lifted his head to look at you, looking a little concerned. “What is it?”

You wrapped your arms around his middle, feeling comforted by the heat of his body and the softness of his skin. It was funny, you didn’t feel embarrassed to confide in him right now, to ask for reassurance. There had been a time, even as far as quite recently, when you had not for even one second wanted to look scared, worried or dumb in front of him. Now that seemed kind of silly...

“You will fit, right?”

“Of course I’ll fit,” he laughed, looking instantly relieved. Had he been expecting something bad?

“You better. I don’t want you breaking my vagina in two.” You warned, chest feeling a little lighter, enough to joke around with him.

“You’re acting like it’s dangling above my knee or some shit.” He repositioned himself, easing his dick away from your heat as he rolled his eyes playfully. The action touched you. Even though he was teasing you, he still wanted to make sure you were comfortable...

Ever so gently, he rubbed the inside of your thigh, his way of reassuring you while also helping you relax. Were you that tense under him? You keened into his touched, loving the way he made you feel.

“You been fucking men with tiny cocks this whole time?” He joked, making you scoff out a small laugh.

“No, just not that... big.”

You expected him to make another joke, something about stroking his ego, but instead he leaned in to kiss you, his hand rubbing circles on your hip now. “I’ll go slow. Don’t be worried,” he reassured. You bucked into him instinctively when you felt his fingers at your entrance. He slid two fingers inside, moving slowly. “I stretched you out pretty good anyway.” He pressed upwards, causing you to moan. “You’ll take it.”

His words made you tingle all over, something kind of vulgar about them that made you not so anxious now. Pulling out, he ran his fist over his length again and you felt a little sorry for him. You didn’t want to keep him waiting anymore. You didn’t want to wait anymore.

Seokjin caught you watching him and smiled, leaning closer. “Yeah?” He asked your permission.

You nodded, crossing your arms around his neck, pulling him closer to you. “Yeah.” He repositioned himself, sitting taller on his knees as he pushed the tip of his cock up against your entrance. You wanted him closer, reaching for him as you murmured, “Kiss me.”

He listened immediately, moving over your body to meet your lips. He started to push inside, carefully, an inch or so at a time. “Fuck,” he mumbled, as your warmth continued to surround him. “You feel amazing.”

You moaned out in agreement, the stretch nothing but pleasurable as he sunk a little further. You went to look between your bodies, curious.

“No, don’t look down.” He stopped you, kissing your mouth over and over again, distracting you successfully. “Not yet. Wait until I’m fully inside.”

You didn’t know why he was so adamant. Maybe he didn’t want you to potentially freak out and see him pushing that massive ass dick into you, or maybe he just really wanted your first sight to be you stuffed full of him... You moaned at the thought, feeling him push even deeper. God, you loved this feeling.

“Seokjin–!”

His mouth was against your neck now, kissing you softly. “Just a little bit more.” His voice was tight, strained under the increasing pleasure he was feeling, mixed with the urge to delve straight inside.

You planted your feet to the bed, widening your legs just a tad to silently let him know you were more than ready. With one more nudge he slipped all the way in. You knew because you felt his hips press into yours, that and the moan he gave out. “Ngh. Yeah. Shit.”

You looked down, Seokjin’s lips frozen against your shoulder. “Oh, my god,” you whispered, taking in the sight of where your bodies met. You felt incredibly full, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. If anything, it was pleasant. Incredibly pleasant.

“Can’t believe I’m inside you,” he awed next to your ear, and it took you a moment to realise he was staring too.

You cupped his face, sliding your hands around the back of his head to weave your fingers in his hair, grip firm. “Move,” you informed him, needing him to start fucking you immediately before you cried.

He got to work, your hands now travelling the expanse of his back as he rocked his hips into you at a painfully steady pace, the chain on his neck swinging back and forth. His hands were either side of your head on the pillow, his breathing heavy as he cast his gaze down to your eyes. “You literally have the warmest cunt I’ve ever felt.”

Your face heated up immediately, not expecting such an admission and instinctively you dipped your chin. You might’ve really liked it but it was still embarrassing, nonetheless. You heard him chuckle, a hand reaching to cup your cheek, making you look at him again. “What? Not used to guys talking dirty to you?”

“It’s not that.” You shook your head. “I usually don’t like it.” It was true. Nobody had been able to pull it off well in the past, usually feeling cringey and unnatural. But with Seokjin... It made you feel some type of way.

He smirked, although it looked a little strained due to the way he was still thrusting inside you. “That’s because they never did it properly. It’s an art form.”

He was lucky his bragging held up...

You ran your hands down the small of his back, cupping his ass gently as you pushed down with each thrust of his hips. You couldn’t help but moan each time he bottomed out, wriggling under him.

“It feels good, right? Nothing hurts?” He asked, nuzzling his face into the side of yours. You shook your head. “Good.”

With your assurance, he thrust into you hard, causing you to shoot up the bed. You dug your nails into his ass with the shock. “Seokjin—!”

He repeated, slowly pulling out until just the tip of his cock was inside and then slamming back in. “Told you I’ll fit.” He murmured, sliding out again, looking down your body as it shook. “This pussy couldn’t wait for me to fuck it.”

You cried out as he hit deep, even more pleasurable because of his shameless mouth. “Again!” You begged, hands raking up his back now as you attempted to roll your hips into his, but it was no use, he had you pinned down, held prisoner by his dick.

“Patience, baby,” he purred against your ear. “It’s not a race.”

Your breath shook. There it was, that word again. When he was inside you like this, it didn’t sound half as bad.

Despite his comment, he gradually started to speed up, straightening his back to fuck you harder, his hands gripping your thighs to keep you planted, although you couldn’t help but grind your hips into him, chasing more and more. When his fingers brushed over your clit, you fluttered your eyes closed, brows furrowed.

“Don’t stop,” you breathed, soft moans leaving your mouth involuntary, enjoying the sensation of him circling your clit.

“Yeah? Gonna cum?” He asked – more like goaded. Your skin prickled, his tone setting you alight. “Gonna cum all over my dick?”

You let out a strangled cry, squeezing around him, your thighs spreading further, desperate to feel him deeper. Grunting, he leaned over your body, snapping his hips harder, his motions against your clit firmer, the pads of all four fingers rubbing tight circles.

“You feel so fucking good.” He groaned. “Tell me how much you love it. Don’t be shy.”

Once again you felt your cheeks heat up, reluctant despite how good he was making you feel.

“Y/N.” He commanded gently, and you slowly found his gaze, jaw slack. “Let me know how you’re feeling. How much you love me fucking you.”

You wanted to. You really wanted to. It was only fair given how much he was praising you too. There was nothing wrong with him wanting you to stroke his ego right now, despite how unaccustomed you were to dirty talking.

“I love it so much,” you moaned. “Please don’t stop. You’re going to make me cum.”

Not that you could label that as dirty talk... You sounded a little awkward, cringing at yourself, but Seokjin seemed to like it, dropping lower to kiss you, grunting into your mouth. You felt encouraged enough to continue. You weaved your fingers in his hair, loving the sound of his panting. “Seokjin, please make me cum. You feel so fucking amazing. I love your dick, don’t stop fucking me.”

His hips stuttered as he processed your words and then he growled, kickstarting them again – much harder. “That’s a dangerous thing to ask, Y/N,” he warned, breaking away from your mouth to stare down at you, expression dark. Each thrust sent your headboard into the wall.

“You want me to keep fucking you even after you cum?”

“Oh, god,” you moaned as he slammed into you, his fingers against your clit unrelenting. “Ye-ss! You can fuck me all night if you like.”

“Don’t,” he whined, his face dropping into the crook of your neck before he growled again, flinging himself up.

Still on his knees between your thighs, he lifted one of your legs up, hooking it casually over his shoulder, fingers on his left hand digging into the meat of your thigh. You spread your other leg, resting it on top of his knee, his right hand holding you flat until he found your clit again, two fingertips stroking it steadily.

Your thighs started to shake, the rest of your body tense as your middle jerked up against his touch. He kept fucking you, stopping each time he was fully inside of you to grind against your insides.

“Seokjin, I want to—” You couldn’t even finish your sentence, pleasure too strong. You were so tense your release seemed like it would never come.

“Just let go. Cum.” He told you, his voice tight, neck strained. “Just think of how good I’m making you feel. You’re so wet, I’m sliding everywhere.”

You could hear yourself, squelching with each snap of his hips and circle of his fingers. Suddenly he slapped down with his hand, not especially hard, but it made your body jerk, a cry of surprise leaving you. “Seokjin, fuck.”

He instantly went back to playing with your clit, you pulsed red hot. “You like that, baby?” He purred, voice low, rolling his dick inside you at a deadly rhythm. “You’re such a fucking tease.” He smirked. “Knew you’d be dirty, or do I just bring out that side of you?”

All you could do was moan, the shock of his palm against your core still zapping up your body, your hips moving with his, urging him to keep going because you were so close, teetering over the edge. Pushing his body weight into you, still gripping your leg against his chest, you sunk further into the mattress.

“Just concentrate on how my cock feels.” He helped you along, words flying out of his mouth as you squeezed around his cock tightly. “How my fingers feel. I really want to make you cum.” He groaned loudly, determination in his tone. “Soak me.”

“Fuck.” This was it, you could feel the build-up of your orgasm cresting. “Seokjin, I’m—!” You broke off with a moan as pleasure engulfed you. “Coming. I’m coming.”

Your body stiffened, foot trembling above his shoulder, but Seokjin kept fucking you through the waves that wracked through you, his fingers against your clit easing up slightly, careful not to overstimulate you. Your head was spinning as you started to feel your orgasm gradually wane, warmth flowing through your veins as your limbs started to relax again. You gasped for breath, amazed by what had just happened. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d come like that... if ever.

Seokjin’s hips slowed down, carefully dropping your leg to the bed as he eased up and crawled over you, mouth finding yours, your tongues meshing together sloppily. You wrapped your arms around his neck, legs around his waist and tugged him closer. He was still inside you, not moving, but that soon changed as you started to roll your hips into his. You still wanted him, orgasm only making you hornier, however possible that was.

“I-I can carry on?” He asked thickly, shallowly fucking inside of you now, pace uneven.

“Please,” you murmured against his ear. “I said don’t stop.”

He groaned, pressing a chaste kiss to your lips before knocking into you harder, slow but calculated. He felt bigger inside of you, the result of your walls tightening, but you loved it, your fingers playing with the chain at the nape of his neck. The metal was cool, a big difference to his skin which was hot and slick with his sweat.

“Not too hard?” He asked, grunting with each thrust.

You pulled him to you closer, ignoring the way his pelvis rubbed against your core, still a little sensitive. “Fuck me however hard and fast you like.” Running your hands along his muscular back you felt him shiver, a tight whine escaping his lips as your words got to him. You felt pretty chuffed.

“You feel so fucking amazing, Seokjin. You’re so good at this.” You praised, words falling from you naturally and unprompted.

His brain didn’t seem to be functioning anymore, unable to respond to you, the feeling of his impending orgasm too distracting, but he moaned at your words, face falling to your shoulder as he just. Kept. Fucking. You. His thrusts were hard, but not as calculated as before. You could tell by the way he was breathing he was close, his grunts muffled but still audible.

“Gonna–gonna c–”

You could hear that too, feel the way his body stiffened instantly, and he rammed deep inside you, waiting for the first spill of cum. You gripped him tight, loving the way his body shook as he came, and you welcomed each tremor as his cum filled the condom.

“Oh, my fuck,” he gasped, the last surge the strongest, and you suppressed the giggle that wanted to escape your throat. He was pretty speechless, you guessed. “Shit. Fuck. Shit.”

He laid on top of you for a few moments, catching his breath while muttering expletives into your skin. You liked being weighted down by his body, you couldn’t describe it, it just felt good.

“Seokjin?” You questioned, turning your head as much you could to rouse him. His back was all clammy, the hairs against the back of his neck damp with sweat.

He slowly lifted himself up, hands pressing into mattress. “I think my brain just blew to pieces.” Blowing air out of his mouth, he noticed his lips were wet. He brought a hand up to feel. “I fucking dribbled.” He chuckled, wiping himself clean.

“Hot,” you teased, watching him roll off you and remove the soiled condom, tying a knot at the top. He sat up, looking around for your trashcan before spotting one near your closet. It gave you a great view of his ass when he walked over to throw it away.

You rolled onto your side as he came back, joining you on the bed, stretching his arm behind his head as he looked over at you, a smugness to his face. “I don’t want to take all the credit but I’m pretty sure that was the best sex I’ve ever had.”

You shrugged casually, trying your best not to smile. “Yeah, I’d rate it like an 8/10.”

“Hey,” he exclaimed incredulously.

“I’m messing around.” You laughed, your hand reaching to play with his necklace, your eyes skimming down his torso. “It was amazing.”

“Yeah?” He smirked, stealing a small kiss.

You nodded. “I kinda want to go again...”

He raised an eyebrow. “So you don’t want me to leave?”

Laughing, you hit his chest playfully. “Did you imagine I’d kick you out straight away or something?”

“No,” he insisted, looking a little embarrassed. “I just... I don’t know.” He looked really happy that wasn’t the case though. As if you’d kick him out after that performance. You were making the most out of tonight…

You laid your head down on the pillow, still looking at him, weirdly uncaring that you were still naked. “You have more condoms on you, right?”

“I came prepared – just in case.” He felt the urge to add, not seeming to care his junk was still out at all. “Do you want to go again right now?”

You chuckled. “Give it a little while. You wore me out.” Although, you’d be highly impressed if he was able to go for round two immediately.

“Sure,” he agreed, folding his other hand behind his head too, Adam’s apple bobbing as he spoke. “I could do with a nap.”

A nap definitely sounded good right about now. You tapped his chest, sitting up. “Let me pee first.”

Standing, you grabbed the gown draped over your wicker chair and slipped in on. Not before Seokjin snuck a glance though, groaning to himself and burying his face into the bed as if he couldn’t go on any longer.

“Ugh, your body.”

You woke up to a phone ringing. It sounded like it was coming from the floor because you could hear vibrations against the wood. Seokjin groaned and then slipped from under you, letting your head down gently to rest on the pillow.

Once you’d come back from the bathroom you’d immediately jumped under the covers, feeling it cold now and encouraged Seokjin to follow. You’d cuddled for a little bit, your head on his chest and before long you’d fallen asleep. It couldn’t have been that long ago, and one look at your alarm clock as Seokjin searched for his phone in his jeans, told you it was half past midnight.

“Who was it?” You asked sleepily, hearing it ring off just as he grabbed it.

“Jungkook.”

“Why is he calling so late?”

Seokjin put the phone down on your dresser and got back into bed, wrapping his arms around you. He was still naked, the thought got you a little excited.

“Probably gonna ask if I want to play a game of League.” Video games at this time? What was he, still in high school? You halted your judgement though, settling back against his chest.

“I’ll just pretend I was asleep,” he shrugged.

“You were asleep.”

There was a pause, and then you felt his hand travel to ass, giving it a firm squeeze. You still had your gown on, but it was thin, and you could feel the heat of his palm easily. “I’m awake now,” he murmured. “Are you?”

“I guess so,” you teased, nudging your pelvis into his thigh ever so gently, silently giving him the go ahead.

“I’ll tell Jungkook I was a little preoccupied then...”

You lifted your head, looking unimpressed. “Don’t you dare.”

Laughing loudly, he leaned in to kiss you. “As if he’d believe me.” You weren’t particularly listening though, too busy getting addicted to his mouth again.

You soon found yourself on top of him, his dick hard against your stomach as you made out furiously , his fingers brushing against the lips of your entrance, teasing you.

He pulled his head back, a boyish grin on his face. “Can you ride me this time?”

Written 2020 - 2021. Please refrain from posting my work elsewhere. No translations allowed. © floralseokjin 2021

#seokjin smut #bts smut #bts fanfic #seokjin fanfic #floralseokjin:writings #fic:final sleigh #drabbles:final sleigh #final sleigh:drabbles

489 notes · View notes

passionate-hedgehog · 3 years

Text

Impasse pt 2

Impasse is a 3-part series revolving around Reader entering society in Regency-Era London. Completely inspired by me binging the entirety of Bridgerton in less than 24 hours, Impasse will end with either Duke Damien Haas x Reader, or Courtney Miller x Reader.

Pt 2.

Pairings: Eventual Damien Haas x Reader, Eventual Courtney Miller x Reader

Warnings: None

Word: 2187

A/N: I know that my masterlist links arent working. If you try to use it, and things dont go where you want them to take you...well...I warned you. I’m turning this into a 4 part fic. There’s no way I can comfortably fit what I want into 3 separate sections. Part 3 will be out when this hits 15 notes! Thank you to everyone that liked and interacted with the first part. And thank you to the fans of my toher works. I love all of you omg. Enjoy ♥

Chapter Summary: The social Season has officially begun. Deals are being made amongst friends and old flames are fanning. Will there be any sparks igniting as well?

“What do you suspect he wants to talk about?” After the morning activities with Lord Haas in the drawing-room, Y/n and her handmaid found themselves busy with average daily activities.

Caroline’s expression was nonplussed as she stared at the back of Y/n’s head. The women were preparing Y/n for bed. The latter was in her chair as the housemaid brushed through her hair.

“Why must you give me that look every time I open my mouth?”

“Why must such ridiculous things come out of your mouth every time you open it?”

They discovered Shayne in his favorite study, books littering the desk he occupied. Y/n would always ask him when he planned on attending university but the young man tended to reply with something akin to “that’s not for me”. The young woman didn’t understand. She knew how smart her twin was, how clever he could be given the situation. Mayhaps one day he’d see the things he could accomplish.

“To what do I owe this visit?” The fair-haired man asked as his sister sat at the opposite side of his desk. A rather thick tome set open before him while his right hand held a fountain pen to sheets of parchment.

Y/n perched her arms along the length of the armrests and sat comfortably. “I thought I might see what you’re up to. But I find that you’re doing nothing different than normal. When are you going to talk to Father about university?”

Shayne restraint from rolling his eyes visible as he went back to his books, and scratching at the parchment. “When are you going to talk to me about Courtney?”

“What? That has nothing to do with...Shayne. My favorite twin, you could be doing so many more things if you were off to study. Collegiately.”

This caused the young man to sigh. “Y/n-,”

“I’m being serious here, Shayne. You’re in here, every day, reading and writing. It’s almost a different book a week. Sometimes, your nose is in a book about far-off adventures in distant lands and sometimes it’s about the history and tragedies of the lands around us. Look that book right there.” She motioned to the collection of parchment before Shayne. “I gather that one is not Shakespeare. What is it? The history of France?”

Shayne lowered his head back to the pages before putting his pen back on the parchment, not meeting his sister’s eyes. “Spain, as a matter of fact.”

Y/n held a blank countenance.

“I’m trying my hand at the Spanish language. Does that quell your curiosity?”

Y/n smirked. “You’re just proving my point.”

“I’ll make you a deal,” The young man laid his fountain pen on the parchment and clasped his hands together before leaning forward. “I’ll talk to Father about university if you read and respond to Courtney’s letter..”

The young woman grumbled and stood up from her chair. “Suddenly, I have a desire for some poetry. Caroline, I’ll be in the library. I’ll call for you if I need you.”

The handmaid nodded from where she stood by the fireplace, her hands clasped in front of her as Y/n walked to the door. “Of course.”

Y/n turned one last glance to her twin before exiting the room and found Caroline in the chair Y/n’s ownself just left. The handmaid was smiling at Shayne as he talked. The rosy tint to Caroline’s cheeks as the man laughed sparked Y/n’s curiosity yet still managed to make her smile. It was cute if she had to be honest. The handmaid had the tendency, lately, to be quieter than usual. While yes, Caroline was well-mannered and modest, it was different when Shayne was around. Had it just been the two women, Caroline could be witty. Y/n enjoyed that in the handmaid. It was refreshing and reminded her of a long-lost friend.

“For Heaven’s sake, Courtney. You’re not even here but you’re still here.” The young woman fiddled with a woven bracelet made from brightly colored twine.

“Y/n?” A voice called from next to her as her hand was on the doorknob to the library.

“Oh, Lord Haas! I did not realize you were here.” Y/n peered behind her companion and to her own left and right, in case she missed any other person.

“It’s just me. And please, call me Damien. We’ve known each other since we were young, back when we had all of our friends amongst us.” The duke gave a gentle pleading look.

“I was a tad cheeky back then. I wasn’t going to call you by any title.”

Damien cocked an eyebrow and smirked. “You’re still a tad cheeky to this day. Am I wrong?”

Y/n’s matched his smirk before opening the door to the library and making her way inside. A witty remark was caught in her throat when her eyes caught someone standing next to the nearest shelving of books.

“Court-Courtney?” Her hand slipped off of the knob of the door. “What are you doing here?”

The light-haired woman bit her lip. “I wanted to visit. You never responded to any of my letters. I thought...I thought maybe something had happened.”

“You...I can’t...Excuse me.” The young woman turned around in haste and scurried away. She found herself in the empty kitchen trying to breathe through what just happened.

Good going. You’re such a coward.

“I’m such a coward.”

“No, you’re not.” Damien had followed her into the cooking area. He led her to a chair and guided her to sit. “Some refreshment might make it better?”

Y/n watched her old friend as he went about collecting items. She noticed how at ease he seemed going through her icebox and cupboards. How expertly he sliced up fruit. She couldn’t help but notice how handsome he looked in his livery, as well, but there was enough going on inside of her head. Damien approached the table with a modest platter and placed it in the center of the table before he sat himself in a chair across from her.

“I figure that some soft cheese might do some good as well as figs and berries. I hope they comfort you the way they do me.” He had gestured towards the food.

Y/n gave a thankful nod before reaching for a bite. “Thank you, Damien. This means very much to me.”

The man grabbed fig and brie, biting into them. “If you need to talk, I’m all ears. You don’t have to if you don’t want to, of course. But I’m here.”

Y/n fidgeted with a slice of fig fruit. She mentally weighed her options before speaking again. “I haven’t seen Courtney in over a year. We got into an argument...about the things she wanted to do and where she wanted to be in life. I regret it. I regret it every day. I let our relationship ...decay...because I didn’t approve of what she wanted to do.”

“She wanted to work with horses, right? And entertain? That’s where she’s been this whole time?” Damien bit into some brie.

“I was treating her like she was someone like me. Someone that already had their life plans laid out for them. She was able to choose what she wanted in life.”

The young man studied Y/n’s face. “Y/n, were you...jealous that she had such an opportunity to live a dream that you tried burning bridges with her? She was your best friend. That had to be a hard decision to make.”

“It’s about more than that. I’m happy she was able to live how she wanted to...thrilled that she got to work with her passions. But..I wasn’t there with her. She wasn’t with me. It didn’t matter what she was doing...I just wanted it to be with..with me.

“I had this asinine vision that society would be in a different place by now. That two close friends could...be closer. And that I wouldn’t have to feel like I was left alone for the rest of my life. I see so many friendships for what they could be. The feelings that I’ve had over someone that will never be attainable I see in others. All of the time. Especially while I promenade! And it makes me sad for those yearning and it reminds me of what I can never have.”

There was a moment of silence before Y/n’s eyes widened in the realization of what she had just let out. “Oh my. I-You didn’t hear any of what I just said. Promise me!”

Damien laid a soft hand on Y/n’s arm. “I promise. I had no idea that you had harbored such...persuasions. Not that it’s anything you need to feel sorry about. You can’t help it. Your reactions, for sure, but...not for what you feel.”

“You, Lord Haas, will make someone a fine husband someday. Maybe even sometime soon? It is our season, finally, after all.” Y/n tried to hide her watery eyes behind a coy smirk. “Someone is bound to catch your eye.”

Damien breathed out before responding. “Someone already has, if I’m being honest. But maybe I’m far-reaching more than I originally thought.”

His words seemed to spark a sense of excitement through Y/n. She sat up straight and gripped the edges of the table.

“Who is she? Will you point her out to me while we promenade? No. I have an even better idea; can you introduce her to me at one of the balls?” Y/n was nearly on the edge of her seat. “Damien! This is exciting!”

“It’s not quite that intriguing, I promise you. Especially since nothing can come of it.” The man picked at the fruit on the platter. “But I digress. It seems that you’ve got your own sorting out to do. What are you going to do about callers if Courtney plans on joining in on the festivities this season? She may not come from one of the families but she has enough friends.”

“Then I hope she enjoys herself. For all I know, everything I felt could have been my very own thoughts and not hers. If she’s here to find a match, then let her. If she’s here to have fun, then by all means...I hope she has it. I just hope I can keep my heart to myself this time. I don’t want to get hurt again.”

“Y/n,” The man licked his lips before continuing. “Might I suggest trying to find out what exactly it is that your heart wants before you do anything else with it?”

The young woman topped her fig slice with some brie. “I’m going to pretend that you did not just offer such advice. Who would even think about courting a woman trying to figure out whether or not she wants her story to end with another woman? You slay me, Lord Haas.”

“I’m being entirely serious. Y/n, you could…” Damien seemed to pause before paying very close attention to fiddling with a berry. “We could stop your callers from coming around and maybe I could use a distraction. We could work together.”

“What? Like...you and I? Together together?”

The german-born duke hesitated before taking one of Y/n’s hands into both of his. “We could go to promenade as a match. And then to the balls, And the parties. No one would be the wiser. You could use this time to figure out what it is you truly want. And then who.”

The young woman looked down at their hands, hers fitting inside his the way she suspects other women her age dream of, yet, she wasn’t sure what it did to her. What he offered could very much help her, but what if Courtney got the wrong idea? What if everyone got the wrong idea?

“But what if it went right?”

“Hmm?” Damien asked in confusion.

“Nevermind.” Y/n shook the thoughts from her head. “Damien, I think...you may be on to something. You’re right. I...I don’t know how to be a...a wife to anyone. Let alone a man. And I won’t know until I figure myself out a little bit more. And then if this girl is running through your mind and you firmly believe that you can never court her…”

“Trust in me with this. I always thought she was someone I could never hope to marry, far too good for me in so many ways. But...maybe this will help me to see who else is out there. Maybe I’ll find my perfect match. And if we come out as a couple, it’ll provide good reason for the other men to leave you alone.”

“Too bad they just don’t leave me alone as is.”

“I believe Olivia said the same thing after she met Sam.”

“Heavens, that was a riot.” Y/n lifted her pinky to solidify the agreement with her friend. “Lord Damien Haas, I believe we might have ourselves a deal.”

#damien haas x reader #courtney miller x reader #shayne topp #ian hecox #olivia sui #noah grossman #keith leak jr #smosh fan fiction #smosh fanfic #smosh #bridgerton x smosh #bridgerton au

31 notes · View notes

englandsgray · 3 years

Text

Sherlolly Self-Interviews 2020

Well hi 👋

Ignoring the internal image of Gilderoy Lockheart smiling smugly while flashbulbs pop and saying ‘In my autobiography, Magical Me...’ 🙈😆 I shall take the opportunity of this lovely event to introduce myself as a writer of Sherlolly fanfiction on AO3...

I am English and somewhere over 30. I watched the show as it aired, and lost my heart as quickly to Molly Hooper as to Sherlock Holmes. The kiss is British television history. Series 4 is my favourite. Moriarty on the beach is life. The Holmes brothers break my heart every time.

I am extremely lucky to have been provided some questions to answer here by @ohaine and @mybrainrots - huge, huge love and thanks to these two lovelies, and not just for this. I admire you both so much as writers, and your support means the world to me ❤️ Thanks too, to @sherlollyappreciationweek!

Where did you begin to write, and have you written for other fandoms? I wrote my first fanfic when I was eleven years old - a 100 page ramble about The Monkees. Oh yes. Then in 2018, I fell for the characters of the Disney Pixar film Cars and began writing and publishing. So far so random! Writing in this fandom sprang from binge-watching all four series of Sherlock during lockdown. I remembered reading Louise Brealey talking about being disappointed Molly didn’t get chance to ‘roundly kick Sherlock’s arse’ and agreeing with her wholeheartedly. That, over a few weeks, turned into my first fic - Who You Really Are.

You’re a recent (and welcome!) arrival to the Sherlolly ship, and I was wondering if writing in an established, less active than it used to be fandom has been a challenge? Thank you, firstly. My experience of this fandom has been incredibly positive - the sense of welcome has been wonderful. I will admit I was terrified posting the first fic - there are hundreds of times more stories posted daily in the Sherlock fandom as in the one I had some experience of. But I needn’t have worried, it’s been a blast. I will also admit, that it’s no small thing to be surrounded by such brilliant writing and the long-standing passion which goes with it. But I find that inspiring in itself, and I’m very glad to be here - how supportive the fandom are makes me feel like I always have been!

What’s your favourite place and way to write? My aesthetic is Lin-Manuel Miranda in his in-law’s laundry room 🤣 I wrote my first ten-thousand words on the notes app on my phone before my other half told me to stop being ridiculous! I switch between the laptop, my phone and longhand (I’m a sucker for a nice notepad and a Uni-Ball Eye) and, more often than not, not sat up properly at a table.

Since you’ve (done something I’ve never managed successfully and) written a novella length fic... how did you organise/keep track of all the details and where you wanted the story to go? Did you outline/plot in advance? First of all - I would love to see a novella length fic from you @mybrainrots! The final scene of Who You Really Are came to me very early on and I knew I wanted the fic to fit within TFP - a lot of it takes place in the timeframe of the final montage. At first, it was going to be much more about Sherlock’s relationship with the ideas of sentiment and love (the phrase ‘I’m not sentimental about you, I love you,’ haunted me for a while) and I spent some time researching the psychology and playing with scenes from throughout the series - one of my favourites I didn’t go on to use was inspired by the final scene of THoB. Using scenes from the canon gave an automatic structure, and I was always aiming for the final one I wrote early on - the two of them on the beach (everything is about the beach, with me!) As I went along and started, inevitably, to slow down, I mapped out the chapters with a short note of what I wanted to be in each, then would add notes or phrases as they came to me - often emailed from my phone! I had to force myself through a tricky section set in Baker Street at one point, but it came together in the end. I did plot The Pathologist’s Skeletons on paper first, as I found with a casefic which remains a WIP, that I can get confused and lose focus when it comes to details and how to reveal them in a way which stays paced and interesting. I’ll certainly do that from now on with longer stories and cases. How did you keep up enthusiasm for the work? I want to write an original novel, so I am forcing myself to work through the knotty bits and blocks as a learning experience. Not everything is destined to be finished or finessed, of course, but I’m finding this process is building my confidence that I can overcome problems and slow periods. I also find I know when I need some external inspiration - some of my favourite scenes have come to me while out walking the dog or sitting on the beach. I’ve also been inspired by books or other series or things going on in the world, as we all are, and sometimes that’s pushed me on. Plus, of course, I’m a newbie - I’m very much in the honeymoon period of my writing, even though I’ve loved Sherlock for ten years! (Ten years! Bonkers.)

You’ve got a knack for writing Sherlock’s thoughts and capturing his voice. That said, which character do you find easiest to write? Which is the hardest? Thank you so much. I absolutely love writing Sherlock and Mycroft, and I’m sure that’s because they suit my somewhat over-the-top writing style! I find Molly and her POV really difficult. I want the scenes I write from her perspective to sound completely different to Sherlock, but that means writing in a style which doesn’t come as naturally to me. I’m a long way off happy with that at the moment, but I’m enjoying the challenge.

Is there a scene or character that specifically inspired you to start writing Sherlolly? The whole of TFP, but especially from the moment Sherlock arrives at Musgrave onwards. I am desperate to see what a Sherlock Holmes who has been reacquainted with his own heart would look like. I find his emotionality in those final scenes hugely compelling (Mycroft’s office is one of my favourite moments from across all four series) and, as I have always believed in him and Molly, I practically jumped up back in May after watching it and said ‘right, where’s my notebook?!’.

There’s a lovely peaceful, quiet feeling to your fic ‘We’re All Right At The Moment’. Can you tell us what inspired it and if you’ve thought of doing the backstory that goes with it? Thank you! Like everyone, I would go back to January of this year and start again in a heartbeat, but I am hugely fortunate to be able to say that I have a lot to be grateful to the UK lockdowns for. I might never have begun writing in this fandom otherwise, for one, and I have had a brilliant time so far and met some lovely people. Honestly, I don’t feel able to do any sort of justice in my writing to what has happened in the world in any broader sense than drawing on my own experiences of staying at home and enjoying my family. This particular super-short fic sees Molly cutting Sherlock’s hair at home in Baker Street. I wrote it in the evening after I had cut my other half’s hair and had been reminding myself that despite how horribly worried I was - and still am - about everything, we were all right in that moment, and to focus on that as much as possible. I wanted to try to capture that, if for no reason other than to look back on this entire experience and remember something lovely, so I am so pleased to hear you felt the fic did that. It was only after I finished it and reread it, that I realised it is ambiguous as to whether Molly is worried about Sherlock contracting the virus, or whether she is remembering him being treated for it... As I say, I don’t think I could write more about these extraordinary circumstances - perhaps it’s just too close at the moment - so I don’t plan on extending it. But you know how it is, the plot bunnies hop where they will...

Do you have a Sherlolly music playlist? What are your top five favs from the list? Here’s a run down of (6 🙊) songs I have been getting emotional over in the last little while, leading my brain to assign their significance to my favourite couple...

Kissing You - Des’Ree - It’s so 90′s, it’s a bit cheesy, it’s oddly disturbing. It helped me write A Request, Made Properly, and that gave me an excuse to have Sherlock kiss Molly in the snow.

How Long Will I Love You? - Ellie Goulding - part of the playlist, but also in remembrance of a friend who passed away recently. Life is very short, love is forever.

High and Dry - Jamie Cullum - It’s made me emotional for a very long time. The original is my partner’s version of choice, this is mine.

Think About You - Delta Goodrem - Okay, this one isn’t emotional, and it’s not my usual vibe! Blame the zoom exercise class I do! But oh my goodness, it’s Molly. Bless her.

Blinded By Your Grace (P.T.2. F.T. MNEK) - Stormzy - One of the best ever, I reckon. Spent an awful lot of time thinking about angels and demons, grace and what it takes to save someone, while writing my latest - The Pathologist’s Skeletons. This has been in my head most of the (blimmin’) time!

Love Me Like You Do - Ellie Goulding - I didn’t know I was a fan of Ellie until I wrote this list... I don’t subscribe to the theory that the love Molly wants or that which Sherlock has to offer is any lesser because it isn’t ‘normal’ or expected. I don’t think romantic entanglement would come easy to either of them. But it’s still love and it would be beautiful.

Thank you so much for reading. Thanks and love to @ohaine and @mybrainrots. And thank you @sherlollyappreciationweek for the event and for everything you do ❤️

Feel like I should sign off with a quote from the show...

“You’re not a puzzle-solver, you never have been. You’re a drama queen!” Dr John Watson (Moffat & Gatiss) 2014 😜

A fav fic of mine by @mybrainrots

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7563193

A fav fic of mine by @ohaine

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10562904

My stuff:

https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnglandsGray/works

#sherlolly #sherlollyselfinterview20 #sherlock #sherlockbbc #writing #fanfic #ao3 #ao3 author #read on ao3

40 notes · View notes

theficplug · 4 years

Text

Girls Trip {Erik fic}

Warnings: 18+, smut.

{reader goes on a cruise with her girls during winter break post-breakup & meets Erik when she needs him most. The intro to a series. I hope that y'all enjoy this long ass intro x}

“Told you you'd like it! We know what you need.” your friend Lynelle says as you and your other 2 best friends step into the lobby of the ship.

Your original plan was to stay home and catch up on much needed sleep and netflix binge watching during Winter Break but Khadijah, Tasha , and Lynelle (Lennie) had other plans.

They could never get on the same page to go on a proper vacation but the one time you wanted to be left alone they've decided to get it together.

2 plane rides and now you're here on a cruise on the way to 'paradise'.

The last few weeks went by in a blur while you were buying bikinis, trying to contain your emotions, and leaving behind your frozen over city for Bali.

You'd be lying if you said that you weren't a little excited to be leaving behind a terrible end to a 4 year relationship.

“Girl I just paid 12 dollars for Netflix this month. I planned on staying home and re-watching The Get Down. I need to at them and ask them when they're gonna add Crooklyn." You say as your phone begins to go off.

"Uh-uh, just cause your man had community dick don't mean you gotta feel like you did something wrong. You are the sweetest and most caring person I know and gave everything you had for that man. You are a strong beautiful talented black woman. You run your own business and don't need his ass for nothing. And if I were into girls I would've been shot my shot back in the 7th grade. Now, we gon' get tipsy, dance the night away in 23$ dollar heels, and find a fine ass beard to rid-"

You quickly cut off your best friend by answering your mother's call. You held onto Khadi's hand to let her know that her support means everything to you.

"Hey Mama. Yes I made it safe and sound." You say into the phone as you shake your head and laugh at your girls.

"HEY MA " Khadi says waving as she smiles at the woman on the other side of the phone she's known for over half her life.

"Hello Khadijah, are you behaving yourself ?" She asks as Khadi shakes her head with her tongue sticking out.

"MY GIRL." Your mother says as they both laugh and point at each other through the screen.

"I'll talk to you later, enjoy yourself baby. Sometimes a little fun and laughter is the cure for heartache. Love you, be safe." She says before ending the video call.

"Alright , we all meeting up for the foam pool party after the tour right? Cause I need to shower and stuff first." You say as everybody agrees

An hour or two later you were standing in front of the hotel mirror giving yourself a pep talk in your new bikini. You eyed your reflection as you tell yourself that somebody son is gonna love on your fupa, and the 3 years wasted with Derrick isn't going to matter anymore.

"Knees. Knees. Come on knees." Khadijah yells as Lennie and Tasha drop it low and make it clap as a chorus of 'ayyeeee' erupts in the elevator.

You make your way down to the lobby with the girls after throwing back a few shots in Lennie's room. You past by a group of other girls in the elevator and they were blasting Cash Shit from their phone.

"Link up with us later." Paris says from the other group before moving over to the party already happening.

The drinks are flowing through your system and Tasha is filming you for the gram as you sing along to the music. You accidentally trip backwards onto a man behind you before immediately apologizing and giggling.

"You good mama." He says as he catches you with one hand and the other still holding his drink. Without missing a beat he twirls you to the beat so that you can play it off.

"What's the nigga name?" He asks as he takes another sip of his drink and tries to act like he ain't see you watching the suds slide down his scarred and chiseled chest to his happy trail.

"Excuse me?" You ask confused as he flashes his gold fanged grill and cock his head towards the phone in Tasha's hand as she gives you a quiet 'oooh shit okay'.

"The one you tryna prove a point to. Only name that matters now though is Erik." He says as he grinds against you and move your braids to your other shoulder.

"Alright Erik, lemme see if you can keep up then." You tease him as you begin to whine on him and ride the beat as he keeps up behind you. You realize you have an audience now with his boys glancing over at you and your girls watching him.

His hand holds you in place before he asks if it's alright if he kissed you. You nod before you know it his soft ass lips are on yours. He pulls at your bottom lip slightly while you continue to whine on him.

"Thank you for the dance." You say before you place one final kiss to his lips as the song ends.

You walk over to Tasha before grabbing her hand and leaving to find Lennie and Khadijah

You knew he was still standing there watching you walk away you turned to give him a look over your shoulder with a raised brow.

"Stop watching my booty" you mouth at him jokingly

"YOU CAN'T EVEN BLAME ME. ITS FAT AS FUCK." He yells back to you over the music.

After an hour of dancing and having a good time with friends you only checked your phone once to find 3 messages from Derrick begging you to call him then two talking about how disappointed he was with you.

You stepped out onto the upper deck to tell him to stop calling you and ruining your good time.

"I can do what I want. I'm fucking grown. All you ever did was sit at home on your ass and criticize me for every damn thing I did. I made sure you were happy when I wasn't even okay… And fucking my cousin was your way of showing me you loved me huh? Don't call me no more and stop calling my mama asking her about me too. " You yell into the phone before hanging up.

You stand there staring out at the ocean for a moment. Trying to breathe deeply and ground yourself so that you don't cry.

"You good?" You hear a voice call from behind you.

"What, you following me now?" You ask Erik as he pulls up one of the lounge chairs to sit next to you and light his blunt.

"Nah, not at all. I came out here to smoke and chill. All that going on in there really ain't my scene. My boys got me to come here. They got white boys in there doing backflips off the balcony and shit. I probably would've still been at work right now." He say as he exhales and leans back against the lounge chair.

You laugh softly before shaking your head.

"That's how I ended up here. I was planning on spending Christmas and The New Year at home with my family. But my friends had this surprise for me to ring in the new year in Bali. And now here I am. I'd still rather be watching Godfather of Harlem. I gotta catch up." You say sitting next to him in the lounge chair. He instinctively wraps his arm around you letting you lay your head on his shoulder.

Granted, it probably seemed weird as hell to be cuddling with somebody you just met and barely knew but to both of you it just felt right in the moment.

"Godfather of Harlem ? That show is my shit. It's slept on forreal… If you ever in Oakland you should stop by sometime. I run a museum based on preserving black art and culture." He scrolls on his phone until he finds some of the pieces and shows it to you. But the main thing that stood out was Stevens Black Art & History: for the culture.

"Erik Stevens?" You gasp and sit up to get a good look at him

"Yeah , why you looking like that? What's up?" He questions

"Oh my fucking God. We was best friends back in the day. It's me, look, minus the bifocals, braces, and that James Brown bob my mama gave me damn near every day." You say and he stares at you in awe for a second.

"Damn it's really you." You says quietly as he runs his thumb over your cheek imagining you the way you looked in 5th grade.

You loved Erik growing up and spent almost all of your time together but after his father died you didn't get to say goodbye. He was taken into the system and after that you heard that he was in the military doing who knows what. You tried to find him but after a while it was no use. You couldn't believe how different he looked now. He looked tired down by the woes of life but still as beautiful as the day you met him.

" 'Member this?" You ask as you fish your out of the pocket of your cover-up and start playing Best Friend by 50 Cent.

You watched as he looked up at you standing up to dance. You pull him up too as he puts out the blunt while laughing and stepping with you.

"If I was your best friend, I want you 'round all the time. Can I be your best friend, if you promise you'll be mine?" You sing to him as he twirls you around

"First we get the talkin, then we get the touchin. If we get pass the phone games we'll be fuckin. I kiss like the french therefore my tongue in your ear. Do it like the dogs do it girl and pull on your hair. For me a different scenery just mean a different position. In the tub or on the sink I improvise now listen. In the chopper or on the jet join the mile high club. I'm no fool I know money can't buy me love. But I'm a different type of nigga that make sure that you know. Instead of a rose, there's a hundred dozen of those. See I see somethin special when I look in your eyes. With your legs way back I see this pussy is mine. If you ain't sure when I'm talkin I don't tell you no lies. But there's things that you say that have me wonderin why. When I don't say what I'm thinkin it don't mean that I'm shy. Got on that shit you picked out for me that's why I'm so fly." He raps effortlessly while kissing softly on your neck and all those memories start flashing back to you as you sway with him.

"Damn you still remember all the lyrics to our song." You say to him as you look over to see your girls and some of his friends.

"You out here ? Bitch! I thought I was gonna have to do an interview on First 48 for yo ass. I was gon' drop a raft over to come find you. You know I can't swim and I don't got my floaties with me." Khadi says as she walks in with Tasha and Lennie .

"I'm sorry I came out here for fresh air and then ended up literally finding my fuckin childhood best friend. Before the baddest bitches on the planet came to be. There was THEE duo. Everybody meet Erik."

After everyone got to know each other. Y'all brought the party to the secluded little upper deck with the perfect view of the ocean. You had drinks , music, and good company almost enough to forget about the whole situation back home.

"Girl you know I love you but my feet hurt and Sebastian said he gon' rub em" referring to the man she currently had her arms around.

"Alright , we'll meet up in the morning for breakfast" you tell them before giving them kisses goodbye and heading out with everybody.

Tasha and Lynelle were currently singing to each other and sharing cute kisses off to the side. You couldn't help but to smile and think of how true love must feel. To love and be fully loved back like that.

You were standing in front of your opened room door when you realized that his room is across from yours but he had no plans of sleeping in it.

"Uh-uh. Who said you were invited in?" You ask Erik with your index finger on his chest.

"I thought you said you wanted to watch Netflix? We can order room service and everything. Whatever you want" he says to you licking his lips and closing the gap between the two of you.

"I want to forget. I want to have fun. I want to feel loved and appreciated for once. That would be nice." You say quietly as he takes his hand in yours. Pressing small kisses to each of your knuckles.

He hesitates for a moment before leaning in to kiss you slowly. He held your face in his hands as he continued to back you into the room kicking it closed with his foot.

"I'm glad that we found each other. After all of this time. " You say to him in between kisses

"Believe it or not I kept that picture of us. The one your mama took of us at the zoo next to the monkeys. I took it with me on tour everywhere. Right next to my mama's picture in my wallet. I never lost a battle. I made it home in one piece. Shits wild." He said zoning out for a moment like he was going somewhere else.

"Heyyy." You call softly. You move his hands from your waist

" I've got you." You whisper to him before leading him to your bed and laying him back.

You wrap your arms around him almost cuddling him as you lay your head on his chest while listening to his heartbeat and sitting on his lap.

You place a soft kiss to his lips before moving away from the bed to change, settling on a large shirt and nothing else.

Erik followed suit and just stripped to his boxer briefs before you come back to the bed carrying soda , your laptop, and snacks.

"And before you ask. Yes, I packed my laptop because work never stops, and yes I packed snacks because I can't find Takis out here." You say chuckling softly while he shakes his head laughing softly.

You both settle into a comfortable position before loading up the movie. You settled on Nappily Ever After but it wasn't long before he was softly kissing on your neck with his hand under your shirt.

"Gonna eat it from the back. That's cool with you" he mumble into your ear.

If that's cool with me? BIH, I'm trying to let you give me twins. Triplets even. Play it cool. Play it cool . You thought to yourself before saying a silent apology to your girl Sanaa Lathan as you quickly moved the laptop to the bedside table.

"Damn she pretty." He says before kissing each cheek and gripping the back of your thighs. You knew what was coming next as your hands found the headboard and arched your back.

You can feel his tongue begin to explore the back of your thighs to your folds as he bends you forward.

You hiss softly as his hand began to roam. You looked back at him as his fingers enter you. He begins to slowly and deeply work you open for him. You knew that you were dripping at this point and couldn't contain how loud you're being.

You can hear him let out a groan as he gets his first taste. Before you know it he's devouring you like you're his favourite meal and is completely in his element. His hands are massaging over your cheeks while he suckles your clit and then slides his tongue in. You begin to work your hips down onto it as he's on his knees behind you. His fingers massaging skillfully over your clit.

"That's how you want it? It's all for you." You egg him on shakily as you reach back to grab at his dreads knowing that you're nearing your orgasm. You thought you were seeing stars but the audacity of this man bringing his hand down hard across your left then right cheek and then the pom-pom itself, did it.

Your toes curled and your head was tilted back as you continued to ride his face and the orgasmic wave crashed over you so hard it took your breath with it.

You called out his name speaking in all types of broken Xhosa as he begin to lap you up and savour your taste.

When you stopped shaking he sat back on the bed, proud of himself as he licked his lips.

You turned to face him and he wasted no time continuing to massage you.

But what you hadn't realized during changing you accidentally dialed Derrick. Who's now on the other end, yelling into the phone

{to be continued! I hope that it was alright!}

#erik killmonger smut #erik killmonger #black panther fic #black panther smut #black panther imagine

438 notes · View notes

mantra4ia · 4 years

Text

Desires: Lucifer season 5 on Netflix

Created: August 21, 2020. Last Modified: August 22, 2020.

Preface: Alright my Lucis, here’s the sitch: it’s been a minute. Life got a bit chaotic I wasn’t able to start season five quite on time when it premiered on August 21st because I haven’t finished the great 2020 Lucifer rewatch. I’m nearly done however and should be able to jump into it either later today or tomorrow, which is why beforehand I want to — as I’ve traditionally done for a few seasons — create a desires list and keep a tally throughout the season to see how many are met. I am going to try to pace myself, not binge, and watch a single episode a day so don’t spoil me. Likewise I will tag my spoilers. Here we go... #21DaysofLucifer

Season 3 and 4 Roundout - Desires Fulfilled / Questions Answered

✔We’ve seen other demons “like Maze” and a bit of what havoc they can reek. Well sort of. To be quite frank, although it was cool to see them possess the recently deceased, it wasn’t as impending doom as I was expecting. They didn’t seem nearly as disciplined or intimidating as Mazikeen, even Dromos, more bored and desperate.

✔ We’ve seen a little more or the heavenly host in Remiel. Remi was cool, if a bit intense. Her character, and her affinity to Amenadiel was a nice foil to see how far his character has come in evolution. But again like Uriel was for Lucifer, she kind of became a driving force character device to push Amenadiel’s growth. So I wonder if we’ll get to see more of her or not.

✔ (s3) The backstory of Lucifer’s arrival in LA, finding LUX, and making a deal with Amenadiel.

✔ (s3) Cain finally went to hell, YES! Not that I didn’t like Marcus Pierce/Tom Welling, there were some great interactions there, but I just think he was a wishy-washy antagonist based on how he was written and I can’t wait to trade up for Michael.

✔ Maze finally had some happiness and attachment to this silly mortal coil and it slipped away! Why Eve why? I love Maze’s bonding with humans, Linda, Trixie, Chloe. But I love that after a Millennia of serving, and then watching Amenadiel and Linda be happy in a family unit, that she might actually make her own and my hopes were dashed.

Things we got that we didn’t even know we wanted. SO GOOD:

Season 4 ep 8: Amenadiel bonding with Caleb and confronting community violence, police brutality, and systemic racism. It was a rough episode to be sure, but absolutely needed,

Chloe talking Lucifer down and out of a self-hatred spiral and his transformation into full-fledged devil and back again.

Lucifer playing Creep on repeat while missing the detective (even after insisting in a therapy session that “he’s not a teenager playing Adele on repeat) and Mr. Said Out B**** trying to rob Lucifer and gun point and ultimately get rich. What a fun twist.

The Dan and Maze Los X’s fight. They are wicked good at laying down the hurt on the criminal element and I was wondering when they’d pair up again after dispatching Warden Perry.

The devil in a bar fight! I mean, it’s only fair since the ladies had their brawl. I love how this fight sequence was filmed in bursts of slo-mo from various angles, involved everything from fists, to tasers, knives, bottles, and the infamous pool cue, and they picked the perfect song for pacing (Jake Bugg, Lightning Bolt, could listen to it all day on repeat.)

Time for all good demons to go home / Enough, you will bow down to your king. Go home! (aka appropriate use of Devilish intimidation face)

Amenadiel vs Remi

A Rocky montage with Lucifer and Amenadiel / Amenadiel’s face the first time Lucifer drives the Corvette

Lucifer at the roller derby

Chloe the YA fangirl

Maze teaching Trixie about knives, with each handle decorated in a different toy.

Amenadiel and Chloe catching up: your father is so proud of you. Like and angel BOSS!

SEASON HIGHLIGHTS:

★ (s3) Amenadiel taking Charlotte home

★ Dan being comforted in his grief by Amenadiel

★ Amenadiel’s wrath and the brotherly duo tag team to lay the hurt on the drug dealer that got Charlie killed. It’s been a while since we’ve seen warrior angel ready to dispatch anyone in his way. And it was glorious!

★ (s3) Lucifer’s almost driving lesson with Trixie “Morningstar”

★ (s3) Maze torturing Lucifer by making him think he’s the Angel of San Bernadino

★ (s3) Amenadiel and Lina helping to dispose of Lucifer’s wings

★ Lucifer kicking Julian, Tiernan’s son, through a glass pane window

★ The goodbye kiss between Lucifer and Chloe

DIDN’T LIKE:

☒ (s3) Cain playing guitar and singing. What is he, a crime lord, a top cop, or an act that the improv club wouldn’t take?

☒ Eve. I liked Eve, but we mostly got to see one side of her around Lucifer, and a kind of floundering an confused side when she was with Maze. The side that I would have liked to see more of was the maternal side that came out when she briefly talked about Abel or was interrogated by Trixie. That made her more layered.

☒ Father Kinley. That dude is just meh.

☒ Dan’s broken heart and rebounding with Ella. Don’t get me wrong, its a good arc, but I don’t see it lasting

☒ (s3) Abel and Reese. Those were two side stories I could have done without, although they had great moments of humor. I quite enjoyed Reese’s character, and although I didn’t like Abel Lucifer’s stick-figure comic illustration of Cain fighting with him over a rock was quite enjoyable.

WHAT I TRULY DESIRE: SINFUL SEASON 5, my BURNING QUESTIONS, and SPECULATIONS

Obviously, don’t spoil anything for me, but if any of my desires end up coming true in any of the first eight episodes maybe drop me a hint in the comments...

A big time jump. We need to see the lasting impact of Lucifer’s absence. I know that time in hell works differently per that episode where Lucifer saved Chloe and almost got stuck in a loop, but we still need enough time to elapse that the impact is felt on the mortal side. Or, we need to see the passage of time through a series of events without Lucifer, like a montage of character development. At least a year or so, if for no other reason then Trixie is growing up and I actually want to see her take driving lessons with Lucifer.

Last season Maze gave baby Charlie a gift, something she’d wished she’d had growing up, and previously had alluded to the language of demons, her many siblings, and teased her mother, the mother of all demons. Will we finally get to meet Maze’s mom Lilith (or however they address her)? And, in spite of Mazikeen’s found family, she still has restlessness and abandonment issues. Will her mom finally finally bring her peace, or will clashing with her resolidify Maze’s purpose on earth?

A Decker/Mazikeen team-up or girls night out 2.0 would always be appreciated. At this point its probably 4.0 if you count the bar fight and the bachelorette party.

Will we see tougher, scarier demons, or are they just warmup to the really scary depths of hell?

Speaking of hell, more hell. Tons of hell. I want to know the minutia of all the mechanics. If Lucifer’s gotta be down there in self-imposed exile, he may as well show us around. Pour us a drink.

Will Lucifer see Cain in Hell? Not that I’m dying to see more of “sad Cain” but it would be interesting to see a more dark or desperate or cunning side to him at least now that he’s actually neck deep in torment. Or, alternatively, I’m hedging my bets that he could be a good candidate to light the fire under Lucifer’s *** to get of hell back to the earthly realm. Even in hell, I’m betting Cain would have a soft spot for Chloe, and if news reached Lucifer that Michael were trying to abscond with his life and with Chloe, it would give Cain and Lucifer one last bit of “A-Hole brothers” common ground to bond over. Like “Brothers, am I right? Go kick, get Chloe back, I’ll still have enough guilt to torture me with in a few thousand years when you get back,”

Will Lucifer fall into peril in hell of once again potentially getting distracted and stuck in a hell loop? Will his servants be satisfied with his return? Will Amenadiel bust him out.

Mr. Said Out Bitch needs a role reprise. He’s been in every season opener 2-4, we’ve gotten to know his undergarments very well. Its high time we get to know his name and story. He’s put in the work!

Amenadiel should be running LUX in Lucifer's absence. We got a tease of that in previous seasons (remember when he asked what would Lucifer do?) its time for that to come to fruition. Plus, any excuse to put DB Woodside in a suit, just because he wears them so well. It would also be interesting if, after that tragedy he’s experienced, Amenadiel will start taking after Luci. Maybe not the punishing, not yet, but wanting to seek out evil and corruption. It has been teased since s1 “fall as I did.” Perhaps he’ll start developing a taste for his bother’s line of work whereas he found it repugnant in the early days

Dan and Maze or Dan and Ella pair up. Both Dan and Maze are due for some happiness.

An Azrael reboot, when need more of her. She’s the angel of Death for pity’s sake. I don’t know if the original actress is still available or if they would have to recast, or if the character concept by Netflix would even be the same, but I need Azrael to be capable of sweet and unassuming and on a coin flip downright menacing.

More of Lucifer as a godparent, bless! And maybe a cool montage of “cousin” Trixie and Lucifer co-babysitting Charlie please.

Whilst on the subject of Lucifer and parenting, and without putting Trixie too much into harm’s way, I need to see what “I would do anything to protect that little urchin” looks like. Trixstar ride or die.

Father Frank, come back! I need a cameo or recurrent role pleeeeease.

Trixie in every episode. This is non-negotiable, much like chocolate cake. Beatrice is an all-star. In fact, I’ve decided that when Dad/God finally does show up, Trixie needs to be the one to get to know him / introduce him first. She’s been captain on the celestial cheer squad for four seasons, she’s earned this.

Who's going to see through Michael's facade first? I mean, I know that trailer shows Maze torturing it out of him, but as far as intuition goes, I've got a 50/50 split between Trixie and Linda, with an honorable mention to Dan.

If Michael is Lucifer's twin, does he have the same angelic compulsion skill set? Or something different? And will it work on Chloe or is she universally immune?

A “be like Mike” pop-culture reference. ******Spoilers: ******* all the trailers have revealed Michael already, so they owe us this for letting the steam out.

As far as pop-culture, how many movie and TV references will we get from Lucifer and ensemble this year? I expect A-game, from sci-fi to 80s action, on par with the previous likes of Parent Trap, Star Wars, Home Alone, Kim Possible, and Rocky.

Will Amenadiel’s necklace make a reappearance, even after he put it around Caleb’s neck in the morgue? Heavenly artifacts have a way of causing trouble in this show.

Will what finally learn what, if any, significance there is to Lucifer’s ring? Again, as all my fictional writings will attest, I really kind of want it to be a stolen little trinket from him Dad.

Plot twist: will we get to see Hell and the silver city all in one season, or is that too devilishly good to ask? It would be intriguing if Lucifer fell from Heaven for rebelling and now some threat like, for example, the mother of demons would pose a threat to the gates such that Lucifer was called upon to defend them. Not expecting anything Endgame level with a host of Angels popping up like sorcerers...but it is food for the imagination.

Plot twist: will Michael, duplicitous twin that he is, be revealed as the reason that Lucifer does not lie and can’t stand liars? Will be get a Michael back story? Is he perhaps the true rebellious son? see: my original fan conjecture here.

Additional links to previous recaps, roundouts and wishlists:

Season 1: Best Moments // Season 2: Predictions, Desires, Roundout, Best Moments // Season 3: Speculations, Quick-shot summary

#21 days of Lucifer #Lucifer season 5 #lucifer on netflix #Lucifer s5 desire #Lucifer Morningstar #trixie espinoza #Chloe Decker #amenadiel #trixtstar #deckerstar #lucifer s5

18 notes · View notes

wearejapanese · 4 years

Link

A Japanese person's perspective on the mini-series. Let's discuss!

As a naturalized Japanese-American who was born in Japan, speaks Japanese with family, and has lived in Japan for 10 years growing up, this mini-season was the absolute best thing I could have asked for. Binging it made my weekend!

Going into this, I immediately had this feeling in my gut knowing that there is an extremely large cultural difference between Japan and America, and was curious how effectively the show was going to explain that to the audience or if they were going to take a more shallow, "JAPAN IS SO KAWAII and COOL" route. People in Japan are EXTREMELY accustomed to the concept of "the nail that sticks out gets hammered down"; you should not be different or stand out, because you will be bullied and conforming is for your sake. Modesty, conforming, gender roles, being indirect and roundabout, and not being emotionally expressive are extremely big concepts in the Japanese psyche. Mental health, therapy, LGBT acceptance, being sexual, "doing me", straightforward emotional expression, embracing your curves, loving your body, etc. are not as prevalent in the general population as they are in America.

Kiko Mizuhara (who I've adored since I was a teenager living in Japan, she is so gorgeous and is in so many commercials in Japan) did a good job explaining and clarifying things to the Fab 5, although I wish she was featured a little bit more in each episode breaking things down more. The whole concept of a "guide" was really great, as she is decent at English and explained well, but I think the show could have done more with her.

1: Yoko was a fantastic hero to start off the season. The fact that she was spunkier than the average 50-year-old Japanese woman helped keep the episode lighthearted and appealing. She was so receptive and warm to the Fab 5 and it was a really feel-good episode overall. I think her episode helps viewers who are unfamiliar with Japanese social norms to get a taste of concepts like "throwing away your womanhood". I think the first slot was appropriate for this episode, as opposed to later. I was a bit sad that Bobby covered up a lot of the traditional Japanese interior of the community center, but I have to say the place ended up looking like it'd really be useful. I loved her transformation. It was really refreshing but still age-appropriate. In Japan, it'd be embarrassing to be talking about things like "How do you like the new me?", "I learned to have more self-confidence", etc. But the way she delivered her speech was soooooo...Japanese, so un-self-centered, it made her experience more digestible for the people there.

2: LGBT acceptance is really lacking in Japan compared to in the U.S. As soon as I saw the preview blurb on Netflix for this episode, I knew we were in for a doozy. Sure, there are still ignorant people anywhere, and still accepting people anywhere. But, as Kan expressed, it's extremely difficult to live "out and proud" in Japan with all of the social norms we grow up indoctrinated with. I thought Kan was the sweetest, most endearing lead, and he was also super receptive to the Fab 5, and I think it helped tremendously that he knew English so he could understand what they were saying. I also thought Kan was so brave to be so open on TV about his sexuality and I have so much gratitude for that. The scene with the monk and Kan breaking down about how he couldn't find support abroad or at home made me bawl my eyes out. I also really appreciated JVN telling Kan in the hair salon that it's radical and brave to love yourself and that's enough, you don't have to dress like him to be radical. Finally, sleeping on the floor is totally normal, and that is what a real futon is. The flat thing on the floor.

3: This was my second-favorite episode for a reason. It was so nuanced and definitely not the bubbliest or most happy. First of all, the mom haunts me. I am 100% Japanese, and my parents are both Japanese, live in Japan, only speak Japanese. They were traditional Asian Tiger parents growing up, and did a lot of things to me that I wouldn't ever do to my future kids. I don't talk to them about anything personal. I don't feel close to them. But, we get along decently in person, and they aren't bad people. Personally, in my opinion, something about Kae's mom gave me the heebie-jeebies. I got so much anxiety every time she came up on screen. There's obviously way more that has to be unpacked here. The pure, still rage on the mother's face when Kae said to Antoni that "she told me not to be in the kitchen so I felt uncomfortable to", the way the mom stirred the stuff in the pan with that blank stare, I felt extremely uncomfortable the whole cooking scene. And Antoni tried his hardest to get them to connect, but it just was a bit too "direct" to work well in Japan. I appreciated that Antoni heard out the mom when she said that saying "I love you" isn't normal in Japan, which is definitely true. The fact that the mother didn't recognize that bullying was a big deal literally floored me. The way she said "I think we're similar in that we both tend to not express our pain to our parents" really rubbed me the wrong way. That may be a fact, but it's not something to be content about or use as an excuse, it's something to improve upon. Sorry, I have a lot of thoughts on this topic from personal experience and also analyzing their body language and stuff from a Japanese perspective. Finally, I love JVN so much, but that hair was horrible. I wished he kept it pink or at least a dark burgundy. Also, loved seeing Naomi Watanabe in this episode and I think she was a great choice to inspire Kae - someone who can turn any situation into something lighthearted which will help Kae feel comfortable, while also being straight up, and with major star power! I don't know why tf Kiko got the drawing in the end, when she didn't even help, but oh well. Tan is so nice.

4: I knew guys kind of like Makoto growing up in Japan. Getting by in life, not openly into girls or dating, watching out for themselves, extremely introverted. Really fitting into the mold of what society accepts, because that's all they know how to do, think will be appreciated, and think is the right thing to do/think is enough. The way that Makoto's boss made that comment about how Makoto's wife is more out-spoken, saying what she wants, reflected the traditional gender roles and sexism that Japan still has. It had this undertone of like, women usually aren't like that. I really enjoyed this episode because it was honestly so...interesting. The dynamic between Makoto and Yasuko was really mind-boggling, right? I was so thrown off by all the things that were divulged about their marriage. I don't want to come across as disrespectful, but I honestly had a few moments in that episode where I thought Makoto was in the closet or something. Maybe it was editing. Did anyone else think that? However, I think that there are a ton of different types of people in the world - different personalities, ways of expressing themselves, childhoods, parenting styles that affect adult personality, all that stuff. Clearly, being from Japan where emotional expression is minimal and extremely indirect to begin with, along with maybe having a sad (?) childhood, and not being the most experienced with dating or relationships, I can see how Makoto and Yasuko unfortunately settled into this sibling-like relationship for 4 or so years. I think that they have a great shot at improving their relationship over time, and I think Karamo helped them so much with the yoga conversation where they finally opened up about their insecurities and unspoken worries. Also, I'm pretty sure they translated a bit wrong. Makoto is referring to Yasuko as the superhuman, not himself. He says to her, "Just the fact that you exist makes you a superhuman to me". Very sweet! His makeover also looked amazing, my favorite transformation of the season.

Overall, I'd rank the episodes in terms of how much I enjoyed them: 2, 3, 4, 1. How about you?

I think this mini-season excellently touched on a lot of really real social issues in Japan and presented how different things are in Japan compared to in the U.S. Do you have any questions about certain things that came up in an episode? I'd love to discuss with you and share my perspective.

(Reddit Conversation)

#Reddit #Queer Eye #Representation #LGBT #lgbtqia #japanese #Japanese American

125 notes · View notes

procrastinatingsapphictrash · 3 years

Text

Friday Nights (6)

Full series: 1 2 3 4 5 (more coming soon)

Word count: 1480

Genre: Honestly idk, maybe a little angst but mostly fluff?

Pairing: Jake x Amy (with platonic others in the squad)

Warnings: Minor swearing (let me know if I need to add more)

Summary: After Amy’s breakup with her boyfriend, Jake and Amy establish a weekly binge watching night and both avoid their feelings for each other.

A/N: Chapter six!

**Please note that the warnings, pairing and genre are for the whole series so it varies chapter to chapter.

Jake POV

I'm super pumped that it is Friday again. When I walked into the precinct this morning I was smiling so much that even Scully and Hitchcock noticed and asked me what was up. Luckily Amy wasn't around at that point otherwise she would find out how much I care about her. My mood was only slightly dampened by the fact that I had to go do door duty which is the absolute worst. Apparently because I was super late for work this morning (does forty five minutes count as super late???), Charles had already gone to the apartments to start talking to some of the neighbours.

Not wanting to have Charles be mad at me I rushed straight over, stopping on the way to buy some of the gross octopus balls that he loves so much for some weird reason.

"Hey, what's up?" I greet as I get there. He doesn't reply because he seems a bit peeved at me, which I have to admit is for good reason. I decide to try again.

"Look, I'm really sorry. I got you some octopus balls to make up for it." I say holding out the bag to him.

"Scrumptious, thank you Jakey, you know I can't stay mad at you." He responds very enthusiastically.

"You know buddy, you may not want to say that all the time."

"Say what?" He asks me. "Do you mean scrumptious? Why shouldn't I say scrumptious Jake? scrumptious is an amazing word, in fact you could even say the word itself is scrumptious."

"Ok" I say in a slightly high pitched voice while faking a smile trying to get him to shut up. He doesn't take the hint and keeps muttering. I mostly tune it out until it becomes a problem.

"So what's the deal with the case, did you find out anythi-" I am cut off by his yells.

"Scrumptious, scrumptious, scrumptious!" I stare at him shaking my head for a moment. He is my best friend but sometimes he can be so weird. A quiet "excuse me" brings me out of my thoughts about Boyle. I spin around to find a gorgeous woman (not as gorgeous as Amy) who looks to be around my age smiling hesitantly at me.

"How may I help you?" I ask her.

"I am one of the residents in this building and when I got home from work just now the cops over there told me I needed to come talk to you." She tells me smiling in a very cute way.

"Ok I'm just going to need to ask you some questions, this is just standard procedure, no need to stress." I explain. Tilting my head to the side, I see that Charles is giving me two big thumbs up and his signature grin that he always does when he thinks I'm in love. I roll my eyes at him when the pretty neighbour isn't looking but secretly I'm glad. Him doing this means he truly thinks that I'm not into Amy anymore which is a total lie but it is definitely best if he believes it. If he knew how much I was into Amy or even worse about our weekly Friday watching Friends tradition he would go crazy. A small cough breaks me out of my musings and I turn to the woman sheepishly because it is the second time in a matter of minutes that I have zoned out. Luckily from their expressions both Boyle and the woman seem to assume I was just staring at her which is kind of embarrassing but fine. In order to slightly preserve my dignity I push all thoughts about Amy to the side (or at least I attempt to) and start taking the statement.

Amy POV

When I arrive at the precinct this morning I'm the first there as usual. I decide to get a head start on some paperwork for a case I'm working on so I head over to my desk. Although I try to concentrate fully on the forms I'm filling out it can't fully distract me from my traitorous thoughts. If a few months ago someone had told me that I would fall in love with Jake Peralta I would have asked if they were insane. Now however I can't stop thinking about him. I'm so distracted that I don't even notice that Captain Holt is here until he is standing in front of my desk.

"Detective Santiago, I'm going to need for you to go bag some evidence at the scene of the drug bust." He says with a unreadable expression on his face.

"Of course sir, I'll be on it right away." I respond trying to seem as professional as possible and not like I was just thinking unprofessional thoughts about my co-worker.

"Good" He replies and walks off into his office. I decide to get started on his task right away. Hopefully it will take my mind off of Jake and put it back into work like how it should be. Plus there is the added benefit of not having to see Jake right away because it would only inflate his ego if he knew how excited I get about our show watching sessions, not to mention it would be extremely embarrassing. Right now nobody in the squad knows what we both do on Friday nights. It's not like we set out to hide it, we just didn't tell anybody because if they found out they would make a huge deal out of it and think it was a date or something like that which it is not, no matter how much I wish it could be.

Evidence bagging did not take my mind off of Jake at all. In fact I'm so desperate that I kept imagining what jokes he would make about the criminals. Luckily I still have more time to try to get my mind off of him before seeing him because I need to label and put away the evidence in the evidence room. I don't even say hello to anyone as I enter to precinct, just go straight to the evidence room. I'm kneeling down near the back of the room to put something away when I hear footsteps and then the door. The voices turn out to be Charles and Jake and even thought my mind is screaming at me to stand up and reveal myself to them apparently all my common sense flew out the window because I stay hunched over to try to hear what they are talking about. Jake's voice reaches me first.

"So why did you drag me in here Bud?" He asks.

"Because you've been super happy all day." Boyle responds. Just for a moment I allow myself to believe that it could be for the same reason I'm so happy but I quickly dismiss it. He probably just had a cool case or something, it's not like it's a crime to be happy.

"So?" Jake's voice echoes my thoughts. "It's not a crime to be happy." I smile at the fact that we both thought the same thing before I cover it up, realizing what a dork I'm being.

"No, but you're different happy today." There's a long pause and I can't quite read what it means but I think it's because Charles is thinking. I start to wonder if they left because the silence stretched on but then I hear a long gasp.

"You hooked up with someone didn't you!" He accuses.

"Sort of." Jake responds. I hurts a little bit hearing him say that. He's been on plenty of dates but every time he dates someone new it hurts just a little bit more. I listen carefully wanting to hear about whoever has caught his attention.

"Do you remember that really pretty woman that was neighbours with the victim?" He says. Charles doesn't say anything so I assume he nodded. "Well she gave me her phone number and I called and we are going on a date tonight."

"Ok Jakey." Boyle says clapping Jake on the back. I hear the door open and their footsteps fading away but I still don't get up. Jake is going on a date tonight which means that we can't watch Friends together. A single tear drips down my face but I wipe it away and remind myself that I am at work and I need to pull myself together. I shouldn't be sad about the Jake thing because it's not like anything was ever going to happen between us. Thinking about it logically doesn't stop the pain but I do manage to hide my feelings and get work done for the rest of the day. The only difference is instead of working late like I usually do I go straight home after my shift to wallow in self pity.

#brooklyn 99 #b99 #jake peralta #amy santiago #jake x amy #peraltiago

3 notes · View notes

dcbbw · 5 years

Text

Bittersweet--Part 1 (Drake x Riley)

Unsure yet if this will be a stand-alone piece, or if it will spread out to a three part mini-series (Drake x Riley, Liam x Olivia, Liam x Riley) about the night of Liam’s proposal to Riley. The idea popped in my head at 2am after ear-bingeing (is that a thing?) some classic Al Green. Parts of the fanfic will be NSFW. It’s not exactly canon and at times, may seem a little OOC for the players. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Please excuse any typos and/or grammatical errors.

All characters belong to Pixelberry.

Song Inspiration: For the Good Times, Al Green: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2IpoTKnDPw

Word Count: 3662

Tagging: @gennesaret @aworldoffandoms @sirbeepsalot @katedrakeohd @hopefulmoonobject @simsvetements @cora-nova @carabeth @custaroonie @liamxs-world @lauradowning29 @speedyoperarascalparty @thequeenofcronuts @wickedgypsymoon @timmagicktoad @brightpinkpeppercorn

Drake x Riley, Drake x MC, Liam makes an appearance

Liam and Riley stood in front of the hotel room door, Liam preparing to knock. He raised his hand, but hesitated, looking at Riley. “Are you sure? Once we go in, there is no turning back. If you want to change your mind, now is the time.” Riley turned to look at him, a gentle smile on her face. Liam’s dark eyes held hope, happiness and a hint of uncertainty, or was it heartbreak, in them.

She held up her left hand so the light caught the sparkle and glint of her engagement ring. “I choose you, Liam. I will always choose you.” Liam nodded, relief visible on his face. He leaned into her to give her a hard, passionate kiss which she returned with fervor, running her hands through his black hair.

“Then let’s do this. “ He knocked on the door. They heard footsteps approach the door, and then Drake opened the door, clad in pajama pants and his signature white tee shirt. He was clearly surprised to see them. Drake took in Liam’s black tux and Riley’s stunning purplish-gray dress with sequins and sparkles.

“Hey, guys. What’s up?” Drake was trying unsuccessfully to hide his confusion.

“Good evening, Drake. Riley and I wanted to share some news with you, and discuss something. May we come in?” Liam’s voice was warm, but his eyes were guarded.

Drake stepped back, allowing them entry. “Of course.” The pair entered the room, Drake shutting the door behind them. “You all can sit on the edge of the bed. I’ll take the chair.” Liam sat next to Riley at the foot of the king sized bed, waiting for Drake to take his seat. Before sitting, Drake turned to them.

“Drink?” He gestured towards the bar.

“No, thank you”, Liam replied. He turned to Riley who shook her head no.

“So, what’s so important it can’t wait until morning?” Drake sat comfortably in the chair, but his eyes were uncertain as he looked between his two visitors.

Liam cleared his throat, and grasped Riley’s hand. “I proposed to Lady Riley this evening, and she did me the honor of accepting.”

Liam looked carefully at Drake’s face. Drake’s mouth fell open a little, and his eyes darted to Riley. Not to her ring finger as Liam expected, but to her face. Riley gazed calmly at Drake, a small smile on her face as she twisted her ring around her finger, her expression giving nothing away.

“Well, well…that’s great!” Drake tried to put enthusiasm in his voice, but it fell flat.

“I think so as well, especially as she almost rejected me because of her…relationship with you.” Liam’s tone was neutral, his eyes unreadable.

Drake’s eyes widened as he looked at Riley, who was now looking down at the carpet.

“What? Whoa…Liam…”Drake was flustered, stumbling over his words.

Liam held up his hand. “Stop, Drake. Just stop. While I admit her confession hurt me, it did not anger me. To be candid, this entire engagement tour has been challenging for everyone involved, and I do not begrudge either of you for finding solace and comfort in each other. However, tomorrow morning, our engagement will be announced to our friends and the Court, and to the public upon our return to Cordonia. Once that announcement is made, Lady Riley’s loyalty will be to me, and me only. As mine will be to her.” Liam took a breath as he looked Drake in the eyes. “You have tonight to say your…goodbyes to each other.”

“Goodbyes? Is one of us leaving?” Drake’s eyes held a mixture of trepidation and confusion.

Liam looked amused. “No one is leaving Drake. Consider this a fling, if you will. After she leaves your room tonight, there will be nothing between you but memories and platonic friendship. I would appreciate it if she were back in her room before sunrise.”

Drake was feeling so many things: guilt at being caught, relief that Liam wasn’t trying to kill him, and sadness. A deep, profound sadness. She chose Liam. Just like I knew she would. He ran his hand through his hair as he drew a shaky breath. “That is a very generous and forgiving gesture, Liam.”

“It isn’t as magnanimous as it sounds. I, too will be saying my goodbyes tonight. To Duchess Olivia.”

Drake’s head whipped from Liam to Riley, and back to Liam.

“Don’t look so shocked, Drake”, Liam admonished. “As I said before, this time has been demanding on all involved, and while you and Lady Riley were comforting each other, I found some solace of my own. I am not proud of my decisions, but I am a man… not a monk.”

Liam stood. “I will leave you two alone now. Lady Riley, I hope to see you before sunrise.” He bowed low and kissed her left hand on which her engagement ring sparkled, his eyes meeting Riley’s. She lowered hers. He straightened and turned to look at Drake. “I will see you at breakfast, my friend.” With that, Liam strode to the door and walked out without looking back.

There was silence until the click of the lock indicated Liam was truly gone; that is when Drake jumped out of his chair. “WHAT THE FUCK, Brooks? You had to break my heart and throw me under the bus?” His voice was breaking as he yelled at her. “I thought it was us. I thought we had something special.”

Riley looked up at him, her eyes shiny with unshed tears. “Can I have that drink now?” she asked quietly.

Drake let out a deep sigh as he shook his head in frustration and hurt. “Start talking, Brooks.” He headed to the bar to make the drinks.

Riley let out a huge breath. “Drake, I don’t know what happened. We were at the Statue of Liberty, and he had a ring, and he brought my dog to help him propose. My dog, Drake! He bared his soul, and gave me every reason I wanted….needed to hear to make me see he was the one to give me the happily ever after I not only deserve, but that I actually want.” Her voice held tinges of sadness, but also of realization.

“I tell you all the goddamned time how I feel about you! I tell you what you mean to me, how much what we have means to me.” He handed the drink to her. Riley looked up at him and saw his face was twisted with sadness, dark with anger.

Riley felt the tears falling as she took a small sip of the whiskey. “No, Drake you don’t. You tell me how you aren’t good enough for me, how you can’t give me what Liam can. You keep asking what I see in you. That’s not reassuring me, that’s not declaring anything for me. That’s just you seeking validation.” Drake sat in the chair, stunned and too hurt to stand any longer.

Riley looked at him, openly crying now. “I don’t know how much love I feel for you Drake, but when I said yes to Liam, I felt sucker punched while my heart was bursting with joy. I don’t want to hurt you, I don’t want to leave you.”

“But…” His voice was cold, hurt etched into every line of his features.

She gestured helplessly as she struggled to find a way to explain to Drake the look of heartbreak on Liam’s face, as if his heart had burst open and its shards were piercing every inch of his body. His shame and guilt at being with Olivia. His anger with himself for not doing enough, not being present enough that Drake and Riley could not come to him with their truth. She decided to choose the easiest explanation. “I love him Drake. I am in love with him. Liam can give me what I need on a consistent basis….in words and actions.”

“And being crowned Queen has nothing to do with it?” Drake practically snarled the words.

“Fuck you, Walker.” Riley took a long swallow of her drink. “I know you’re hurt. I’m hurting, but we both knew I was here for Liam. We had a chance in the beginning to really build something, but you wanted to spare his feelings. Your best friend, remember? Whatever we felt for each other had to end there. And by the time we couldn’t deny it any longer, and tried to have something, I was as much your secret as I was his.”

Drake hung his head, hands in his hair. “You didn’t have to answer him tonight. We could have talked….we could have figured it out.” His voice was breaking with unshed tears.

“You weren’t there Drake.” Riley stared off into space; it was too painful to look at the man across from her. “I did not expect him to break it off with Madeleine so quickly. I thought I…we had time. I panicked and told him about us in an effort to buy time…..”She trailed off as she wiped tears from her face. “He knew.”

Drake’s head shot up. “Liam knew?”

Riley corrected herself. “Suspected, rather. He saw us a couple of nights when we snuck off the train. The first time was in Italy, after I told him I was too tired to spend time with him. During the engagement tour, he saw us exchanging looks, holding hands.”

Riley turned to look at Drake. “He was hurt, Drake. Said we betrayed him, not with our relationship, but that we did not trust him enough to tell him the truth. The two people he trusted most in the world were lying to him. And he still blamed himself for our indiscretions.”

Drake snorted. “He was so hurt he ran to Olivia.”

“Neither of us are in a position to judge Liam for his actions.” Riley finished her drink and reached over to place the empty glass on top of the chest of drawers.

“And you still chose him?” Drake’s voice was soft.

Riley nodded. “I did.” She went quiet for a moment. “We had a long, honest talk…the hard talk we should have had before he was on his knees with an engagement ring. In the end for me, it came down to forgiveness and who could live without me.”

She looked at Drake, her eyes filled with sadness. “It’s a hollow comfort, I know, but Drake…you are stronger than Liam. Not saying you will be fine without me, but you can and will shoulder it better than Liam. I do love you Drake, and I love how I feel when I am with you….but this is the best decision for all of us.”

“You don’t love me the way you love him. As much as you love him.” Drake’s face was blank, his tone empty.

Riley rose from the bed and stood in front of Drake. She grasped his hand, and gave it a gentle squeeze. “I love you both in different ways.”

Drake rose form the chair, stepping close to Riley. He touched his forehead to hers, as his arms encircled her waist. “So this is goodbye?”

“Not goodbye to us! Just to the lovers we were.” Riley tried to sound comforting and slightly upbeat, but she knew…they both knew, that things would be different when she left him tonight. That whatever they managed to salvage from the ashes of what they had now would be awkward and pale in comparison.

They stood there in silence, foreheads still pressed together. Drake finally lifted his head, looking at Riley. There was a resigned countenance to his demeanor.

“Drake, what are you thinking?” Her arms had wrapped around his waist.

“You won’t change your mind?” There was defeat in his voice.

Riley shook her head. “No, I won’t.” Her tone was apologetic.

Drake took a deep sigh. “Then what I’m thinking is that if this is the last time I get to be with you, I would be a damned fool to waste the opportunity.”

Riley let go of him as she stepped away. “No one has ever accused Drake Walker of being foolish”, she said softly, a touch of teasing in her voice. She stepped out of her heels, and unzipped her dress, letting it fall to the floor. Drake stared at the puddle of fabric, letting his eyes slowly drift up her body.

“Come to me, Brooks”, he whispered.

Riley stepped forward, clad in bra, panties, and black lace thigh high stockings. He reached out and pulled her close, his lips finding hers. The kiss started off soft and tentative, each feeling the other out. Riley pulled him closer as his tongue invaded her mouth more insistently. Drake’s arms lowered from her waist to her lower back as he pulled Riley even closer. She moaned as he growled, the kiss becoming more heated, more harsh.

Drake broke the kiss as his hands trailed up Riley’s back, his breathing heavy, eyes filled with lust. His hands reached the back of her bra, and she felt it loosening as he quickly unclasped it. He gently pulled the straps down and off, her breasts tumbling from the cups. He gently grabbed her breasts, hefting them in his hand. A grin crossed his lips as he pulled her close. Riley parted her lips for a kiss, but he pushed her backwards, and she found herself on her back, on the bed. She gasped in surprise.

Drake looked at her with a smirk as he pulled his shirt over his head. “Don’t move.” He pulled off his pajama pants, and approached the bed. “Scoot up.” Riley looked at him with a sexy look on her face as she obeyed. Drake stretched out in between her legs, kissing his way up one leg as his hand trailed a similar path on her other one. He reached the inside of her thighs, kneading the skin on both with his large, rough hands as his tongue licked the crotch of her panties.

Riley laid back on the pillows, getting lost under Drake’s touch. Sex with Drake so much more different than sex with Liam; Liam was more precise, which allowed Riley to experience each touch and sensation separately. Sex with Drake was like an unmade bed, all the random sensations blending together. If Liam made her drown, Drake made her float. A low moan escaped her as she felt his teeth nipping at her center through her panties.

She reached down to pull the underwear off. “These are getting in the way.” Drake helped her remove the offending garment. “I agree.” Drake tossed them over his shoulder once they were off her body, and buried his head in her pussy. He breathed in deeply, letting her scent enter his mouth and nostrils. He wanted all of her, all over him. His tongue licked her from clit to ass crack, slowly at first, but his passion soon carried him away. In contrast to his tongue lapping quickly at her sensitive folds, the two fingers he had inserted into her entry hole were slowly, tantalizingly pumping in and out.

Drake loved the feel of her creamy wetness on his fingers, and the taste of it on his tongue. Riley was tweaking and pinching her nipples, moaning. Softly as first, but growing louder. “Ooohhh, Drake.” Drake was teasing her clit now, alternating between licking it with the tip of his tongue, and biting it. Riley sucked in her breath, releasing it in a hiss.

“Kiss me!” She demanded.

Drake raised his head as he pulled his fingers out, holding them in the air. “Clean my fingers first.”

He pulled his body atop hers, holding his wet fingers above her mouth. She slightly opened her mouth and he slid his fingers in. His cock stiffened even more as he felt her tongue suck and lick around his fingers, and he buried his head into her neck leaving butterfly kisses. “I want to taste all of you”, he murmured. Riley was puzzled. “Okay”, she responded quizzically. “Turn over.” Riley did so with a confused look on her face.

She felt the trail of kisses beginning from the nape of her neck and continuing down her spine. She closed her eyes, and relaxed as his lips and tongue made their way down her body. He reached her ass. He began with light kisses on each cheek, then he spread her ass apart, and she felt his tongue dart into her dark hole. Riley’s eyes flew open at the strange sensation. Dear God, he’s eating the groceries! She felt his strong hands on either cheek, as he tongue fucked her ass. “Oh.My.God”, she breathed. “You like that, baby?” Drake’s question was muffled. “Sweet Jesus, yes!” Drake moaned as his tongue continued to pump in and out of the tight, puckered hole. Riley was writhing in the bed. Dear God, I need him. All of him.

“Drake….” Her voice was pleading.

Drake knew what that tone meant. He reluctantly raised his head, and gave her ass a light smack. “Be right back.” He padded into the bathroom, and soon after Riley heard him gargling, followed by water running in the basin. He came out shortly after and climbed in bed beside her. His face smelled of soap and mouthwash. Their eyes met and they fell into a passionate kiss. Riley’s hand trailed lightly down his chest and abdomen until she was grasping his hardness in her hand. She slowly pumped him as their tongues intertwined.

She broke the kiss to slide her body down the bed and crawl between his legs. He looked at her, silently begging her to take him with her mouth. She met his eyes as her lips covered his manhood, feeling the thickness fill her mouth. “Ahhhh…..” Drake’s head fell back as he felt the warm wetness around his cock. Riley sucked him slowly, her tongue swirling around the head of his cock before deep throating him again. Her eyes were closed in both pleasure and concentration. She gripped his base as she sucked the length of him, feeling him grow harder in her mouth.

“I want you, Brooks.”

Riley moaned and shook her head no as she continued to let her tongue twirl around his cock as she sucked contentedly, like a baby with a bottle. “Yes”, he growled. She lifted her head and crawled towards him. “Take me, Brooks.” Riley straddled him, sliding down on his cock slowly.

They both gasped as he filled her. He grabbed her breasts as they bounced up and down, while she steadied herself by splaying her hands on his strong shoulders. She rode him hard and fast. She wanted to take her time, savor this time with him, but she was too close to the edge. Drake moved his hands to her ass, cupping her cheeks as he practically pushed her down on his cock, silently demanding she take all of him.

“Drake”, she whimpered.

“Give it to me, Brooks! Give it to me, all of it”, Drake grunted. Riley was bouncing up and down on his cock, her hands gripping his shoulders now, as her breathing got shorter and faster. She felt his cock tighten inside of her right before he let out a yell. “Goddamnit, Brooks!!” The feeling of his seed spilling inside of her sent Riley flying over the edge, and she felt her center pulsing around his cock as she fell forward with soft whimpers and moans. She slowly rolled off Drake, settling into his arms as they lay in the bed, staring at the ceiling.

“That was incredible”, she panted.

“I’m going to miss you, Brooks.” His tone was resigned, signaling his acceptance of her decision.

“We’ll still be friends, Drake.”

“Will that be enough?” He pulled her closer, and kissed the top of her head.

“It will have to be.” Riley sighed.

She pulled herself from his embrace to get out of bed. He held her tightly. “Don’t leave yet. Please.” She snuggled back into his embrace, holding her lover for the last time. She felt his strong arms wrapped around her, and she breathed in his scent. She touched his hair, and ran her hand over his chest and abs. Trying to commit his body to memory. She laid her head on his chest, and it was his heartbeat that lulled her to sleep.

She woke with a start a couple of hours later.The room was dark, just peeks of moonlight making its way through the thick curtains. Drake was asleep on his side. Riley quietly got up from the bed, searching in the dark room for her clothing. She slipped into her dress, and decided to carry her under garments in one hand, her shoes in the other. It was 3am, who would see her? She gave one last look at Drake, his back to her as he slept.

“Good night, Drake”, she whispered.

“Good night, Riley.” His voice was clear, flat, sad with no trace of sleep.

Riley’s breath caught. He said Riley. Not Brooks. I will never be Brooks to him again.

As she left the room, closing the door quietly behind her, tears began falling from her eyes.

#drake walker #drake x mc #drake x riley #trr fanfic #choices the royal romance #choices trr

105 notes · View notes

ageless-aislynn · 5 years

Link

Title: “Conditioned” Author: @ageless-aislynn Characters/fandom: Caitlin Snow/Harrison Wells|Eobard Thawne (ReverseSnow), The Flash Summary: Caitlin just wants to wash her hair. For Snowells Week 2019, Day 1, prompt: Time Loop Rating: PG Length: 1,698 Spoilers/warnings: None Disclaimer: Definitely not mine but I do enjoy borrowing them just for a bit! ;) A/N: Yay, another Snowells Week, one of my favorite times of the year when I get to legit make time to spend with Caitlin and Eobard, lol! \o/ I love writing them so much. They're my happy place, what can I say? :D (And right now, I'm writing this in the literal middle of house repairs, where sawing is going on on all sides of me, so I definitely needed my happy place! O_O ) If you read, I hope you enjoy! :D ♥

As soon as she stepped into the shower, Caitlin spotted the upside-down bottle of conditioner, signaling it was empty, and groaned softly in frustration. She'd forgotten to replace it after her last shower.

Maybe I have an extra under the sink? she thought hopefully, taking the bottle with her.

Padding unselfconsciously naked in front of the open doorway into her bedroom, she tossed the bottle into the small trash can then bent to rummage with decreasing hope beneath the sink.

I can't believe I forgot to buy conditioner. Well, I'm going to have to just deal with a bad hair day, I suppose, she mused, making her way back.

Maybe I have an extra under the sink? she thought hopefully, taking the bottle with her.

Padding unselfconsciously naked in front of the open doorway into her bedroom, she tossed the bottle into the small trash can then bent to rummage with decreasing hope beneath the sink.

I can't believe I forgot to buy conditioner. Well, I'm going to have to just deal with a bad hair day, I suppose, she mused, making her way back.

As soon as she stepped into the shower, Caitlin spotted the upside-down bottle of conditioner, signaling that it was empty, and groaned softly in frustration. She'd forgotten to replace it after her last shower.

Maybe I have an extra under the sink? she thought hopefully, taking the empty bottle with her.

Padding naked in front of the doorway, she paused, feeling inexplicably like she wasn't alone. She grabbed a bath towel and wrapped it around herself before walking to the doorway.

"Is anybody there?" she asked but when she tried to peer into the other room, an unseen force prevented any part of her from going through. Even the empty bottle in her hand came to a sudden stop as if there were a thick pane of pane of glass blocking the way.

There came the familiar sound of a speedster in motion and she sighed in relief, opening her mouth to call Barry's name.

As soon as she stepped into the shower, Caitlin spotted the upside-down bottle of conditioner. "What the--?" she muttered, snatching up the empty bottle and stepping out of the shower without intending to, as if her body was moving on automatic.

"You seem to have gotten yourself into a bit of a predicament, haven't you, Dr. Snow?"

The distorted voice made her shriek and she instinctively pitched the bottle at the man in the yellow suit lounging in her bathroom doorway. It hit an invisible barrier and clattered noisily to the floor.

She grabbed a towel and hastily tucked it around herself. "What are you doing here?"

Despite his blurred face, his grin was evident. "When you're sensitive to the Speed Force, you feel any sort of time disruption like an itch you can't scratch. Thought I'd see what was going on."

"Nothing that's any of your business," she snapped, picking up the conditioner and throwing it in the trash.

He held up his hands in mock surrender. "Oh, well, if you're enjoying being in a time loop, who am I to interrupt?"

As soon as she stepped into the shower, Caitlin stumbled to a halt with a muttered curse, though wasn't able to keep from picking up the empty conditioner bottle. She quickly wrapped a towel around herself as she stepped out of the shower and glowered at the man smiling at her.

"This isn't funny," she said, throwing the bottle in the trash can hard enough it bounced back out onto the floor. She left it.

"No, this is actually Trattenburg's Theory but with accelerated tachyons, isn't it?" His tone became wistful as he stopped vibrating. "We were going to try this one together."

He had a lot of nerve sounding hurt. "It's not like I..." she scrambled for an appropriate metaphor "...binge-watched a series without you. You've deceived me -- us -- for years. You're evil. I don't owe you anything."

His blue eyes looked surprisingly sad in his mask now that they had stopped glowing red. "Loop," he said softly.

"What?" she was saying as she stepped into the shower. Without pausing, she grabbed the empty bottle and donned the towel again.

"So, do you know how to break a time loop?" she asked, swiftly introducing the bottle to the trash can.

His melancholy demeanor faded. Good, the last thing she needed right now was the Reverse Flash moping because she'd hurt his feelings.

"It's simple with the right ingredients."

"Which are?"

He removed his gloves with twin flourishes. "You need physical contact with someone outside of the loop," he said, pulling back his mask and ruffling his hair.

"Excuse me?" she said flatly.

He shrugged. "I don't make the rules." He walked deliberately through the barrier in the doorway as soon as she stepped into the shower.

She growled. Bottle, towel, trash can, in quick succession until she stood before him with her hands on her hips. The towel slipped and she hastily tucked it around herself again.

He gazed back, unfazed by her thunderous expression. "You can always think about it for a few more cycles of the loop," he offered. "Might be interesting to see how far you can stretch it, how inevitable some things are and how malleable others can be made to--"

She made her choice in a rush, not wanting to have to wash, rinse, repeat yet again. And maybe, just maybe, there was a bit of worry that if she thought about it too much, she'd never get the nerve to do it.

Striding forward, she reached up and pulled him down to her level, kissing him squarely on the mouth. He went still, surprised, and that made her falter back.

"Fascinating that your mind went straight to here," he murmured, his gaze heavy-lidded. "Just a hand-clasp would've sufficed."

Her cheeks burned scarlet. "Then what was all... that about?" She gave a vague flutter of her fingers at where he'd been standing a few moments ago.

"Theatricality. You know I have more than a little tendency to be overly dramatic." His eyes were going from hers to her mouth and back again. When he gently tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, she instinctively leaned into his hand. He smiled.

"I'm also an opportunist," he continued and the next thing she knew, he'd picked her up around the waist and was kissing her with the kind of enthusiasm she'd only ever seen him have for amazing scientific breakthroughs.

He walked them backwards through the doorway into the bedroom and her ears popped as if she'd changed altitude.

"That break the time loop?" she muttered and he leaned back, looking thoughtful.

"Yep," he proclaimed, hopping her up onto her dresser and resuming the kiss.

She put her hands up -- surely to push him away, right? Reverse Flash, evil guy who'd impersonated her friend and mentor for all these years? No, she couldn't possibly be kissing him back and putting her hands in his hair and there was no way that she had her legs hooked over his hips because that would just be ridiculous, now, wouldn't it? It had to just be because he looked so familiar--

--though he'd been "confined" to a wheelchair for years now and she hadn't seen him standing in a long while and certainly not while wearing such an infamous yellow outfit--

--it was just triggering some ingrained, conditioned response--

--not that in all this time they'd ever been more than colleagues, had they? Things had always been professional between them, no matter how many times thoughts to the contrary had tried to creep in. He'd been Harrison Wells, her boss, and there were lines that she could not cross with him--

--but he wasn't really Harrison Wells and, for the first time, she realized that that meant the restrictions she'd mentally put on him as Harrison Wells no longer applied. And he was a really good kisser--

--one might even say exceptional, even--

--and there was a small part of herself that seemed to be thawing--

--or freezing over into a brand new configuration--

--and things that didn't seem possible before now seemed very possible, indeed.

He broke the kiss with a sigh, leaning his forehead against hers. "Seems that someone has finally tardily tracked down the source of the time loop. You ever want to try Trattenburg's Theory again, give me a call."

He presented an actual business card printed on ridiculously high card stock with a phone number on it and no name.

"You're giving me your card?" she asked, arching a brow.

He grinned broadly. "Be interesting to see if you turn it over to the rest of Team Flash to try and track me down or if you keep it to yourself, hm?" His eyebrows waggled, then he rather impishly kissed the tip of her nose. "See you around, Dr. Snow. Oh and by the way, you've lost your towel."

"Wha--? Oh!" She slid down from the dresser to retrieve the towel from where it had puddled to the floor at some point -- How did I not notice that? -- and hastily tied it around herself once more. By the time she looked up again, he was gone.

Almost immediately, her doorbell rang and she opened the door to find Barry in his Flash suit.

"Cait, you okay? There was some weird thing going on with the Speed Force and Cisco and I finally pinpointed it to here."

"Yeah, um, let me just get dressed and I'll tell you about it," she said, inviting him in.

"Oh, and is this yours? It was on your doorstep..."

He held up a new bottle of conditioner -- her brand, but of course -- and she had to bite her lip to hold down a smile she couldn't explain.

"Yeah, that's mine," she confirmed and when she went to put it up, she also took the opportunity to hide the business card.

#the flash #snowellsweek2019 #day 1 #snowells #reversesnow #aislynn's fics

8 notes · View notes

grandmasterofwangxiancultivation · 5 years

Text

SV ch.55

Okay I’m nervous.

Looking at the style of murals to the sides of the corridor, there was a strong yin ambiance, and it was clear to see this was Luo Binghe’s headquarters in the Demon Realm.

But I am totally not panicking.

EDIT:

The two both had nothing to say, not giving each other a sideways glance. One in front and one behind, their footsteps made no breath of sound. The atmosphere was stiff and cold.

This is the definition of PAIN. I need some bingqiu communication right now

EDIT 2:

Pushing open the door and entering, the furnishings and arrangement of the room were quite familiar-looking. In fact, it was quite similar to the bamboo house on Qing Jing Peak.

Omg. OMG. So let me get this straight. Lbh spent years mourning his Shizun, keeping the wounds he had left him, keeping sqq's broken sword, keeping his freaking corpse and (now we find out) making a room similar to the one in the bamboo house-

This is borderline obsession and yet my heart aches for lbh so much i just... PLS Shizun. PLS.

EDIT 3:

Now acting like a miserable child and throwing tantrums, making his heart overflow with sympathy. Now again hitting his face and telling him it was all an act. Real or fake, his eyes weren’t sharp enough to clearly see autumn feathers and see through Luo Binghe’s heart to understand what he was really thinking, some parts truth and some parts hypocrisy.

(Guys, sqq is angry because lbh put on a facade in the dreamscape. He is angry and disappointed and wary of lbh possibly using the same "trick" on him again and again just to move sqq's heart. I honestly thought Shizun had understood by now.

Like, okay, lbh tricked him the second time to see if that was really Shizun or just a figment of his imagination, but can you blame him?? You have been dead for years, sqq!! He probably went insane with pain, has always been in love with you when in his eyes you betrayed him by pushing him into the abyss, come on! If you two would just fucking talk-)

While he was still brooding over these thoughts, Luo Binghe walked a step closer to him.

(A n X i E t Y)

EDIT 4: here is an exemplar of Shizun using a series of excuses to keep himself rooted in place and not back down in front of an advancing lbh. Still, he is a mess inside.

BRAVE SHIZUN.

But he was still inevitably tense, his heart stretched taut as a bowstring, his eyelids jumping and fingertips curled.

How was Luo Binghe so perceptive? He advanced another step.

“Shizun, what do you think I’m going to do to you?”

(o m g. Omg o can't feel my legs-) 　

Shen Qingqiu said sincerely, “I cannot guess.”

EDIT 5:

Luo Binghe reached out his right hand. Shen Qingqiu didn’t make a sound or movement, but his gaze couldn’t help but stick to his fingertips, following them as they reached out.

(I AM TOTALLY HYPERVENTILATING RN)

That hand was neat and slender. It didn’t look like the hand of a Demon Race young master who had already taken countless lives, but rather one which was born to pluck strings, a hand to burn incense and bathe in snow. It slid shyly over his cheek, faintly brushing his skin.

(OKAY SOMEONE NEEDS TO CALL AN AMBULANCE R I G H T T H E F U CK N O W 'CAUSE I DON'T THINK MY HEART BEATING OUT OF MY CHEST AND MY LUNGS CONSTRICTING LIKE THIS IS NORMAL?

LBH IS ToUcHiNg Shizun's cheek-)

And then it landed on his throat.

*chokes*

Lbh no- *whispers*

EDIT 6: I died, like, for 5 minutes before gathering the courage to go on. And BLESS GOD I DID BECAUSE

Luo Binghe retracted his hand. The next time he opened his mouth, it was impossible to tell if he was happy, angry, sorrowful, or joyful. “My blood, it’s not responding to my beckoning.”

AAAAHAHSNJXUDKEHXKE DO YOU WANNA KNOW WHY, BINGHE? YOU SEE, IT'S A FUNNY STORY. IT INVOLVES A SNAKE-MAN, MAIDEN SHIZUN AND MANY WOMEN-

EDIT 7:

Luo Binghe said, “It looks like in these short few days, Shizun has had another fortuitous meeting.”　

Shen Qingqiu said, “Well, what can you do about it? Make me drink it again?”　

Luo Binghe said, “You’ll run if you drink it, you’ll run if you don’t, both options are the same. I had better not make Shizun add another layer of loathing for me in his heart.”

(OKAY NO. N O. I'm not good with tension. I can't bear it. So pls stop and no one will get hurt, okay?)

Luo Binghe fixed his gaze on him for a time, then said, “Is there anything you desire?”

Shen Qingqiu said, “Anything is acceptable?”

Luo Binghe nodded. A sudden malicious sentiment arising from his gut, Shen Qingqiu bluntly said, “I want to see you as little as possible. Best if I never see you at all.”

(WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

THIS IS WRONG, WHAT NOVEL IS THIS, WHAT THE FUCK FUCKITY FUCK

okay it's a joke, right? Ah ah ah ah funny, now stop this. When I said I desperately wanted these two to meet, i meant to pray for FLUFF. NOT THIS. THIS. WHATEVER THE HELL IT IS.

MY HEART IS BREAKING? DO I DESERVE IT, AFTER PATIENTLY WAITING FOR THEM TO MEET? I dOn'T fUcKiNg ThInK sO, so freaking solve this-)

Luo Binghe looked like he never expected Shen Qingqiu to make this sort of request, his face paling.

(SHIZUN YOU WERE MORE CLUER THEN A FREAKING DEMONIC LORD. HUG HIM. HuG hIm Or I sWeAr-)

If you are hearing something, IT'S ME SCREAMING LIKE A MADWOMAN. THIS IS GETTING RIDICULOUS.

EDIT 8: thank you, system, your presence always makes my anger cool off. I love reading Shizun talk to it, it reminds me this novel is too good to be true, an yet it exists. Bless.

With a ringing notification sound, the System quietly began to download the upgrade package. Shen Qingqiu had a sudden thought and asked, “Right, what is the name of this feature upgrade?”

The System: 【Small Scenario Pusher Luxury Edition.】

SEE SEE I LOVE THE SYSTEM, IT ALWAYS KNOWS WHAT TO DO. NOT ONLY THE SMALL SCENARIO PUSHER IS BACK, IT CAME IN A L U X U R Y EDITION.

Let's go bring down those heartbreak points now

EDIT 9:

With many official duties to attend to, perhaps unable to extricate himself, all along he had not shown his face.

…or maybe that day, his glass heart had been shattered by Shen Qingqiu’s harsh words, and he didn’t dare to appear.　

Shen Qingqiu tore his thoughts away from that latter path with great difficulty.

IS THAT REGRET, SHIZUN? IS IT? I S I T? System, pls summon me and let me go hug lbh or else I'll cry

EDIT 10:

Furthermore, Luo Binghe didn’t act like the characters in the books his younger sister liked to read in his previous life and shackle him with chains, blindfolded and gagged, stripped and beaten. He might as well be content with whatever he has and make himself at home wherever he is.

(SY HAD A YOUNGER SISTER? DO YOU THINK SHE READ HARDCORE BL?)

Bull***t!　

For Shen Qingqiu to attempt to comfort himself with these words, there must be sh*t in his brains! He wasn’t some sort of Stockholm syndrome patient, feeling deep gratitude for being fattened in captivity. Don’t you understand, you need to bring about a fortunate lifestyle yourself, not by relying on others’ charity?!

(You're right, Shizun, of course. That's why there is a pretty simple solution- TALK TO LBH WITHOUT ACCUSING HIM, TRY TO UNDERSTAND. WOULD YOU?)

EDIT 11: this chapter is playing with my patience. Bamboo does not grow in the Demon Realm, but lbh ordered for ppl to find a way. Shizun FLIRTED WITH A MAID ASKING FOR SOMETHING TO EAT BUT THAT BOWL WAS PREPARED BY LBH, BECAUSE IT HAS THE SAME TASTE AND NO ONE EATS HUMAN FOOD THERE AND IT BREAKS MY HEART AND I JUST CAN'T OKAY I AM CRYING STOP THIS SHIT

EDIT 12: sqh is here!

OH. SO HE SOLD SHIZUN OUT. OH, okay. I don't know if I should hate him or congratulate him, I never know if I should consider the events from the point of view of a reader or a writer, me being both (I mean, like, I occasionally write, so I know sometimes one makes characters do strange, despicable things, not like I am a super pro write didn't want to sound pretentious, eh eh), so I'm like "what the fucking hell sqh, what about friendship?" and "omg good job mxtx, this character is so interesting, what even is moral ptf!"

And now

Lbh

Gave Xiu Ya sword back to Shizun. Let's add this to the increasingly long list of "things that show how much lbh cares for Shizun and make my heart crack"

EDIT 13:

On the other side, Shang Qinghua laughed nervously and rubbed his hands, clicking his tongue and saying, “Aiyah, I really, really never thought… the storyline would bend so far out of shape. Remarkable, really remarkable.”

Shen Qingqiu: “The stallion novel protagonist you wrote turned into a cut-sleeve, shouldn’t you be angry?”

Shang Qinghua said sincerely, “It doesn’t matter. Either way, the one he fell for wasn’t me.”

(there, see? I love him.)

Shen Qingqiu gave him a cordial middle finger, lowering his head to polish his sword. Shang Qinghua gave him a thumbs-up. “Really, you don’t need to be so pessimistic. You have good prospects for the future, quite good prospects. These golden thighs, they’re strong, reliable!”

Shen Qingqiu said, “Take your ****ing golden thighs. If I have to hug those thighs, where do you think they’ll take me? Between the legs!”

Shang Qinghua: “Between the legs is even better, ah. Between the legs is a man’s most important place.”

(OMG OMG THIS turning out too good I'm having too much fun!!

Sqh surely is a man of wisdom. BLESS HIM.)

EDIT 14: okay plot, PLOT.

“…” At long last Shen Qingqiu knew the true origin of all those plot holes. “So you just went to write the harem plotline, and might as well leave the more serious Bing-ge’s dad plotline full of holes?”

(So the big final boss should have been lbh's dad? FATHER-IN-LAW IS REALLY GONNA SHOW UP IF SHIZUN FILLS THE HOLES? I AM SO SO S O O O O FREAKING EXCITED.

But I am honestly scared, 'cause this means whatever sqh's previous plan for the novel were, they may still happen. That means everyone is potentially in danger, if the danger is not lbh.)

EDIT 15: SQH WAS GONNA SAY SOMETHING USEFUL ABOUT HOW HE WANTED TO BUILD SQQ'S CHARACTER AND THEN WHAT?

Lbh comes.

Like, I love you baby, but-

Luo Binghe’s eyelashes drooped. After standing for a bit, it seemed he had come to a major decision. He said stiffly, “Even though those earlier events happened in a dream realm, I took advantage of Shizun. But the feelings I revealed to you then, those were not false.”

(GOOD BABY. G O O D. Let it sink, let Shizun understand how much you care.l

EDIT 16: lbh is trying to finally, finally let Shizun understand how he felt and why he did what he did and I'm so glad he is trying. I get why these two would need to learn how to trust one another all over again, that is totally okay, it's fine if they need to guard their feelings for a while before settling this problem, so reading about them talking, about lbh trying to reach Shizun fills me with hope.

His face gradually settled into a gloomy expression from his sneer. Drawing closer the distance between the two, he said, “But what if I said, that towards Shizun, I only remember, not hate, most likely I wouldn’t be believed.”

SEE. SEE.

#scum villain’s self saving system #scum villain #the scum villain’s self saving system #svsss #sv #sv novel #sv ch.55 #sv fangirling mode

52 notes · View notes

jixiani · 5 years

Text

I’m Fat and that’s OK.

Several years ago I restricted my caloric intake to a point that I gave myself gallstones. I’ve had disordered eating since I was young, as happens when you grow up fat. I remember dieting when I was in middle school, joining gyms with my mom and aunt in sixth grade, eating nothing but a glass of milk and an apple until dinner in an attempt to be acceptable to the kids that teased me. I’ve dieted, tried exercise routines that I took too far because I’m super competitive and obsessive, counted calories and ended up memorizing caloric content of certain foods. I got helpful advice from people that cared about me: drink a glass of water before every meal (which turned into only drinking a glass of water instead of eating a meal), eat less, substitute celery for a snack, dance while standing in line to burn extra calories...I spent a good year as a middle schooler doing the Slimfast thing, or using the same concept but with milk when we couldn’t afford actual diet drinks. I spent my entire high school career never eating lunch, only occasionally snatching fries from my friends or skipping lunch to go to an elective with them followed by a few times a year staying after school for stage crew and conveniently not eating dinner either. I was always fat. I was nicknamed Miss Piggy in grade school, tormented by bullies, left out, beaten up a few times. Once one of the boys threw a bottle of glue at me so hard that I had a bruise the size of a melon on my hip for a month, coincidentally on the same side I get ovarian cysts, I’m sure it has nothing to do with that...When I almost died of Salmonella at ten I was happy not that I had survived but that I had lost thirty pounds. I alternated not eating anything with binging on junk food. Still to this day if I can’t bring myself to eat anything else I know I can eat ice cream or some sort of fried potato or chocolate. The summer before my senior year of high school I rode my bike eight miles every day it wasn’t raining. Sometimes I rode twice that. I rarely brought water with me, it was summer but I figured that it just meant I would lose weight faster. I did lose weight, I dropped five or six dress sizes and suddenly I was acceptable, I was cool, I was desirable. I was also terribly damaged and needy and threw myself into a series of really bad decisions and relationships because I had zero self esteem. I eventually gained all the weight back. In college I almost fainted during a theater rehearsal and was forced to eat a bag of pretzels, it was the only thing I had eaten that day because I had been busy. I learned that I could replace a meal with a candy bar, something to keep my sugar up. I can’t stand people seeing me eat, I would buy things out of the vending machines and hide in little used spaces and eat my candy bar or poptart. Under the stairs, in the garden, in the basement break room...I knew where all the vending machines were and would avoid them if there was someone else there. I kept dieting, I downloaded apps to help track calories and exercises. The machines at the gym gave read outs of how many calories burned. I was congratulated on every bit I lost, every hour spent at the gym, I fed on praise instead of food. My app said I could have 3000 calories, I barely ate 1200 on a regular basis and that was when I was actively trying. But then I’d look at that 1200 and think, I can do better. The hours of exercise built up and I competed with myself to see how little calories I could log. Each teaspoon of sugar is 15 calories (I didn’t have to look that up, I’ll probably remember it when I’ve forgotten my own name), milk is 125 but black coffee is almost nothing, celery is also almost nothing. 1000, 900, 800...the human body burns something like 800 calories just to keep you alive, so if I eat less than that I’m bound to lose weight, right? Well, yes, I did. After a few months of that I had lost a lot of muscle, my body burning itself up to keep me moving, out of breath walking up stairs, obviously I was out of shape despite the diet and exercise…See, when you’re skinny and you do this, people worry about you and you have an eating disorder, but when you’re fat every pound and inch lost is a victory. According to a doctor I was seeing around that time “Fat people don’t have eating disorders.” I was seeing them because I started having gallstone attacks, I had no insurance and couldn’t afford the surgery, they suggested that I “Just stop eating McDonalds” I insisted that I didn’t eat McDonalds, that I didn’t actually eat much of anything, that I had cut out junk food, that I was dieting, that I thought that maybe I was dieting too much and had a problem. This was met with skepticism and I was told that if that was true then I should keep up the good work. For the first time in all my turbulent history with food I was actually afraid of eating. The wrong food or food at the wrong time resulted in pain. Not eating had also resulted in pain. I had done this to myself, I gave myself permission to eat but I was terrified of putting food in my mouth. Finally after twenty one attacks, some lasting over 9 hours I went to the ER. I was developing jaundice, they gave me the option of surgery. It was elective, they were very clear on that, I could go home, of course I might need a new liver, but it was my choice.

After that I stopped dieting. I eat junk food, I eat good food, I eat because I enjoy it, I walk, again because I enjoy it. I gain weight, I lose weight, I have stretch marks, I still remember calories and I despise that everything has calories on the label now. I’ve gone to therapy, I found out why I am obsessive and restrictive (obsessive compulsive personality disorder) and have tools to help. I still sometimes survive on poptarts although that’s being poor/convenience/I genuinely like them not because I’m afraid that people will see me eat real food. I eat salad because I like vegetables almost as much as chocolate not because I’m supposed to in order to be seen as a “good” fat person. I eat fast food and chips and give zero fucks what someone might say about it and know that I’m allowed to eat what I want, just not to over do it. I am still self conscious, I still worry about whether someone will find me attractive, I still have days where nothing fits right and even my own skin feels wrong and I probably always will. To be fair, I had those days when I was a size 12 too. I found doctors that don’t harp on my BMI (which is a bullshit measure, how could I have the same BMI when I was a size 18 as when I was a size 12 and you could count every rib and take out an eye with my hip bone?), I’m not looking forward to finding new ones but hopefully I can find one that won’t try to make me lose weight before treating my strep throat (totally something that happened).

But the thing is, I work with a lot of women and they are always comparing diets. They eat their salads and talk about how much they hurt from the gym and how no, they can’t have that bread it’s all carbs. And I have a few girls (it’s always the girls) who come through my lunch line and ask for sandwiches without bread because they’re trying to lose weight (although I would have sold both my arms to be as skinny as them when I was their age) and I just want to shake them. I want to tell them about how I starved myself for most of my life, how I hid in my bedroom to eat and hated every moment that I ate with other people and never wanted to be the first in line for food, how I made myself sick and how I’m probably heavier because my body wants to hold on to every calorie I begrudgingly gave it. How those “Recommended daily calorie intake” things are low balled and growing kids should be getting more like 3000-3500 calories a day and the unknown damage I’ve done to myself by only getting half that for most of my life. I want to tear down the whole system that makes money off making us feel bad about ourselves and assure them that none of it matters, that you only have one body and one life and you can’t put off living until you reach some unattainable and unsustainable goal. I want to rip those little signs off everything that says how many calories are in things because it has taken me YEARS of purposefully ignoring them before I can eat things without thinking of how many hours I’d have to be on an elliptical to justify eating something. Because there are little girls looking at themselves in mirrors and hating themselves, because there are women that are painfully aware of how many calories are in those things and don’t need a little sign to remind them, because there are women that are still waiting to be thin enough to love themselves and do all the things they want to do but don’t think they can because they’re too fat. Because there are doctors that would rather we die while they treat our fat instead of our illness. Because fat is the worst thing you can be when there are so many worse things. Because you can’t hate yourself into someone you can love. Because the things we pick up from the world around us and the scars that are left from cruel classmates and behaviors that we develop are insidious and last a lifetime and I’m still self conscious about the way I look. No assurances that “a few hundred years ago, yours was the ideal body type” or “boys may not want to date you now, but someday men will want to marry you” or “Real girls have curves” (which excuse me, but all girls are real girls, curves or lack thereof notwithstanding), or encouraging words from lovers will ever change or erase that damage. I still have bad days. I read something in a story the other day about a chubby, older woman from the male character’s point of view and how he liked the way she looked and I realized that I had never considered that someone could be attracted to me. I always figured that people liked me despite my weight, or that they might like it but in a probably creepy, chubby chaser sort of way. It hadn’t occurred to me that my weight might not even be a factor, or that I might be beautiful (I’ve been told I was, but figured that people are just being nice or just saying that because they wanted something) I had honestly thought that everyone I have ever interacted with just put up with my weight or were willing to overlook it. I had to close my kindle app for a while, I couldn’t process anymore of the story because I had been struck momentarily dumb but the realization that people may well find me attractive. It’s incredibly hard to get past those hang ups but I’m getting better and I want everyone else to get better too.

3 notes · View notes

ariespageofbreath · 6 years

Text

Monster Summer Mash: Naps and Lazy Days

Fourth entry!! Tbh these will all probably be either art or reader inserts lol. Anyways, once again, could be platonic or not, up to you, reader is gender neutral, and it's with Swapfell Papy (you decide which version lol)!

Edit: Fixed the paragraphing issues lol. Dunno why that was a problem in the first place.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Summer has always been your lazy season. The warmth of the sun makes you slow and lethargic, content to lounge around your hours sleeping or relaxing. You get more days off, so you can stay up as late as you want without repercussions, or just binge-watch whatever show holds your fancy.

And even though most of your human and monster friends are notorious busy-bodies and athletes, you’re a well-known couch potato. So your friends understand when you turn down a day at the beach, or to go to the movies, or-ugh-running. This year, you’re staying in more than usual. This whole year has been astonishingly stressful, and you wanted a nice, long break to recuperate.

So you wanted to spend most of your time at home, doing little things to make you happy and pass the time. You feel bad turning down your friends so often, but you know you wouldn't be able to enjoy it as much right now.

Or maybe that's just your excuse. Who knows.

You’re in the middle of binge-watching yet another series on Netflix, eating potato chips on the couch, when your phone goes off. You grunt, scrambling up to pause your show and grab your phone. You don’t bother to check the caller ID before answering. “Y’ello?”

“knock knock,” comes the raspy tenor of your best friend, Papyrus.

You snort, completely forgetting that he can’t see your eye roll from the other side of the phone. Still, you decide to humor him, drily replying, “Who’s there?”

Someone rings your doorbell, briefly distracting you until he chuckles. “me.”

Paling, you glance down at yourself. Thanks to a malfunctioning AC and too-hot weather, you’ve been chilling in a tank top and a pair of underwear in the dark all day. You’re also sweaty and you’ve got crumbs of food littering your body. Cringe. “Uh, hold that thought, buddy, I gotta go make myself presentable.”

“psh. you know i don’t care about that,” he states, unaware of you rushing into your bedroom.

It’s true, he’s the chillest dude you know, and of all your friends, he’s the least likely to judge you for your current state. But still! “Yeah, well I do. Go ahead and come in, I’m taking a quick shower. You know where the food and stuff is.”

“thanks doll.” There’s a weird noise, presumably him teleporting into your living room. You hear him snort. “wow, you weren’t kidding. have you even moved at all this week?”

Betrayal! You trusted him not to judge you! Scowling, you huff, “Speak for yourself, kettle. If it weren’t for Sans, you’d never get up at all.” You collect a towel and a change of clothes from your bed, heading to the attached bathroom. “Make fun of my life choices later, I’m hanging up now.”

Despite your threat, you still wait long enough for him to chuckle and return the farewell before you hang up with a smile. You duck into the bathroom, taking the shortest, coldest shower possible while still getting clean. You might linger just a little longer to enjoy the cold before climbing out again. You get dressed just as quickly, leaving the towel around your shoulders to catch the water.

When you emerge into your living room, you find that he’s taken over your couch and your TV. You snort when you see what’s on. Traipsing over, you lean on the back of the couch to smirk down at his sprawled form. “Horror movies, Goldie? Aren’t you a little young?”

“older than you, whippersnapper,” he drawls, barely shifting to look up at you. The sharp gold of his canines catch the light as he raises a brow bone at you challengingly. “what’s’a matter, sweetheart? afraid of the boogeyman?” He makes a point of leering at you threateningly.

“Please. The boogeyman is sitting on my couch, and I’ve seen him cry like a baby when he’s drunk. I’ve stopped being afraid of him. His older brother’s the one who spooks me,” you tease, reaching out to flick his forehead.

He swats you away, pretending to be offended even as he smiles. He places one hand dramatically on his sternum. “really? You’re more afraid of sans than me?” When you nod, grinning, he drops the act, crossing his hands behind his head. “good call. have you seen his workout plan?” Cue dramatic shiver.

You chuckle, shaking you head at his antics. “No kidding.” You reach down again to swat at his knee. “Move over, Mr. Boogeyman, you’re hogging the couch.”

For a moment, it seems like he’s actually considering it, but then his familiar smug smirk is back. He stretches his already-too-long legs farther, sinking lower into the couch. “nah. think i like it the way i am.”

“I will sit on you,” you threaten, though it isn’t really much of a threat. Not only is he stronger than you, he has magic, so if he wanted you to move, you’d move.

He was also evil and knew all your ticklish spots, but you digress.

Papyrus simply continues to smirk, once again raising his brow bone. You shrug, giving him a “you asked for it” look. Without further ado, you clamber over the couch, landing directly on him. He lets out a little grunt, reaching up to stabilize you. You half-expect him to make some stupid remark about sitting on his lap, but he simply grins at you like this was his plan all along.

Actually, when you think about it, it probably was.

You don’t have time to ponder. Keeping one sharp hand on your back, Papyrus uses the other to fish the remote off the ground and restart the movie. You lean back, getting comfortable on his semi-rigid body, and you settled into an easy silence. Occasionally, you’ll feel his hand twitch, thumb rubbing your back.

The movie is boring and predictable, an old number you’ve seen a ton of times, so you pass the time making fun of how bad it is. Some of the jumpscares still get you, however, and Papyrus won’t stop mocking you for it.

Somehow, it turns into a horror movie marathon. You’re half-way through a second one-one you’ve never seen, but Papyrus has-when the hand on your back sides up to your shoulder, lightly tugging on you. You give him a curious look, so he pauses the movie to speak to you. “mind layin’ down, doll? Pressure’s kinda gettin’ to my ribs.”

“Oh, yeah, sorry,” you agree without pause, shifting as carefully as you can so you’re on your side in front of him, back to his chest. Papyrus drapes his arm over your side, curling slightly to pull you closer. “That better?” you murmur, and are rewarded with a quiet grumble.

Snorting, you take control of the remote and unpause the movie. For a while you’re both quite again, watching the action play out. His fingers graze your stomach occasionally, just firm enough so it doesn’t tickle. Despite it still being hot out, you don’t feel too warm-he’s the perfectly cool temperature.

It’s not until the sixth movie, as you’re beginning to doze off, that Papyrus speaks up in a quiet voice. “missed doin’ this, doll. you ain’t been around lately.”

You bite your lip, guilt settling in. Papyrus has been a constant source of comfort and support this whole year, and yet so far you’d practically ditched him. You stare at the carpet, frowning. “I’m sorry, Paps. I’ve been kind of a crap friend lately. I just wanted some time to myself to just… recharge, you know? I really should have hung out with you guys more.”

“that’s not what i’m sayin’, sweetheart,” he chuckled, sitting up slightly and leaning over to make eye contact. His sockets are soft. “there’s nothin’ wrong with takin’ time off to relax. take all the time in the world, i ain’t goin’ anywhere.” He gave you a little squeeze, suddenly looking a little nervous. “y’know we don’t, uh, have to go anywhere, right? t’hang out? if you’re feelin’ a little drained, y’know, we can always just chill here or at my place, doin’ what we’re doin’. i jus’... heh, sounds a ittle selfish, but i uh. i miss seein’ ya.”

You can’t help but laugh a little, touched. Count on Papyrus to be so understanding but bashful. You reach up, gently touching his cheekbone to give him an honest smile. “Thanks, Papy. i’d love to do this more often. I miss you too, Mr. Boogeyman.”

He snorts affectionately, relaxing again. “glad m’ not the only one. jus’ remember that i care about ya’, an’ i wanna see you be happy, okay?” You nod, and he smirks, back to his normal self. “great. now enough of this mushy crap, let’s get back to blood’n’guts.”

You chortle, sinking back into his hold. He presses his face into your neck, not even bothering to pretend to watch the movie, and within moments he’s snoring. Though you leave the TV on, it doesn’t take you long to follow him.

Outside, birds are singing, flowers are blooming, and on days like these, lazybones like you… Are happily napping with their best friends.

#Monstersummermash #event #UTSS #raffle entry #entry #fourth #papyrus #reader insert #I'll make corrections tomorrow lol

9 notes · View notes

angstymarshmallow · 6 years

Text

Hearts on Sleeves (Seth x MC)

[A little note: I’ve been working on this fic on and off for a little while. I apologize because I’m kind of neglecting some of my requests but I really enjoy writing Seth and MC fics right now - because they always leave me with warm and fuzzy feels. Anyway here’s another one! Hope it’s enjoyable!]

[Summary: Seth needs a little help from Keegan (MC) as his wingwoman to impress a woman he meets at the club. She wrestles with her feelings for him the entire night until Seth follows after her].

[Word Count: 3421]

Keegan didn’t know why she agreed to leave her house tonight.

Actually; that was a lie. She knew why, but allowing herself to swayed by Seth’s annoyingly sappy blue eyes was another story entirely. All it took was one look and a series of pleas followed by an I’ll owe you one Iowa, for good measure to break her will. A firm no never stayed a firm no for long when it came to him. It never took much for her to practically melt into a puddle when Seth asked anything of her.

She kept telling herself it wasn’t her fault. He used his natural good looks for evil; turning them on her so fast that she had barely sputtered a response before eventually admitting defeat. It was frustrating to think about – but the more she knew Seth, the more she realized fighting her feelings would be a lot harder than she thought possible.

She was supposed to be happy with being just friends. Just friends had gotten them months of hanging out and binge-watching shows and movies together. But how long could she deny the possibility that she might have had unknowingly developed feelings for Seth Levine?

And it was those same feelings now that ended her here. Inside this dimly lit club, suffering the consequences for having feelings for one of her best friends. Keegan wanted to drink herself under the table the more she lingered on those thoughts. Feeling miserable, she couldn’t enjoy her beer without thinking of what he wanted her to do tonight. Her job title tonight demanded her to remain mostly sober.

It was nearly a half an hour of sitting by a booth and sipping her drink when Seth reached over to lightly elbow her in the ribs. “That’s her.” He whispered into her ear. His voice was low as though he thought everyone else cared enough to overhear their conversation.

His fingers jerked in the blonde’s direction. “That’s the girl I’ve been thinking about asking out.”

She was pretty. Really pretty. Tall, and blonde with eyes that were the colour of chocolate. And when she laughed and Keegan caught a flash of teeth – pearly whites that almost seemed to glint as they caught a stray neon lights.

Great. Why did she have to be so pretty? She thought miserably to herself.

The stab of jealously had been so swift and so raw that it had taken her off-guard. Usually, she was good with setting that part of herself aside but in the moment once she met his stare – all she could think of why he hadn’t looked at her like that. She thought she’d seen glimmers of it in the past – the way his eyes clouded a little bit, and easy grin – but that had been then. And this was now.

And Seth was looking at the girl across the bar in awe.

Ugh. “Yeah, she’s so pretty.” She offered thinly.

He grinned as though he was unable to pick up the sudden animosity in her tone. “Yeah.” He tipped his head back to drink his beer. “I’ve noticed her come in a couple times since last week, but the thing is she’s always with her friends.” he explained.

“There’s safety in numbers.” Keegan muttered. At his quizzical glance, she felt the need to explain. “What I mean is – she’s probably doing that to ward off creeps from talking to her. It’s like a tactic a lot of girls use when they go out as a group.”

“Oh,” his brow furrowed. “I see, that totally makes sense.”

“Did you already try talking to her?” She snorted. “Because this won’t work if you already had. She’d probably recognize you.” She knew at least she would. There was something about Seth that had always demanded attention.

“I know that,” He made a face at her. “God, no. I watched a couple of other guys leave empty-handed last week so I figured my luck wouldn’t have been any different.” He turned those expressive blue eyes that had gotten her into this mess in the first place back to her. “Which is why I was hoping you could talk to her, and kind of –”

“Isolate her from her friends?” She interrupted, finishing his sentence for him.

He grinned. “Exactly!” Playfully, he bumped her shoulder. “See I knew picking you was the right decision.”

“Wait a minute,” she frowned lightly. “You mean to tell me I wasn’t even first choice?” She scoffed, “now I’m offended.”

“Well I don’t know,” his smile dropped a fraction and he shrugged before glancing away. “I thought it might have been kind of weird…” He trailed off.

Her drink nearly slipped from in between her fingers. Catching it in time, she carefully settled it back onto their table before getting to her feet. “Weird? Why would it be weird?” Her voice hitched a little higher. “We’re friends, aren’t we?” She prompted him.

He seemed to relax slowly; shoulders going slack as soon as he nodded back. “Yeah, good friends.”

“Great friends,” Keegan corrected insistently.

Seth smiled. “Great friends.”

His gaze went a little soft as they slid to her and held. For a moment, she couldn’t bring herself to tear away. Something in her insisted not to, and she held her breath. Sometimes a little voice told her she wanted great friends to mean something more and as he kept his eyes trained on her; she wondered if the thought had ever cross his mind.

They both glanced away at the same time and Keegan swore she saw a slight blush on Seth’s cheeks before she excused herself. The silence between them had turned awkward. “Alright,” she rubbed her hands together. “Lemme work my magic – be back soon okay?”

He gave her a thumbs-up.

Shaking her head, she quickly crossed the room. She wedged between crowds of people, muttering hasty apologies when she bumped into one until she made it across the other side of the room. As she drew closer to the blonde, she made a mental note of how many friends she had with her. Five. She counted at least five; all of which in seconds had glanced curiously at her the moment they noticed her presence. Of course, her friends were all pretty too. They were all similar sizes and dressed in clothes that seemed a little too tight for Keegan’s tastes as Keegan drew closer.

Here we go. Keegan gave her the one Seth had been crushing on in particular a smile, “hey.”

The woman glanced up at her, perfectly thin eyebrows arching up curiously. “Hey,” it wasn’t exactly friendly but Keegan hadn’t expected any differently. “Do I know you?”

“No, I think this is the first time we’ve met.” She responds smoothly; already familiar with the role she had to play. “But I just had to come over and mention how much I love your shoes,” she pointed briefly to them and watched the girl’s lips curve into a fraction of a smile. “Rebecca Minkoof?”

“Thanks,” she turned slightly away from her friends, leaning a little as her eyes piqued with interest. “And yeah. They’re actually new and I brought them here to test out.” All seven inches of them seemed to gleam at Keegan in response.

“You should test them out on my friend over there,” Keegan jerked her chin in the direction of Seth. His eyes were trained on his phone, but she had a funny feeling he was watching them.

The blonde pursed her lips, “he is cute.” She responded after a hesitant beat.

“And he’s really sweet, not like the rest of the assholes you probably have dated before.”

“Excuse me?” Her eyes narrow.

“You heard me,” she shrugged. “Sweet guys are the ones you stay up all night and laugh with. They’re the ones that kiss you good night and hold you when nothing seems like it’s going right.” The more Keegan rambled, the more she realized Seth had done all these things – he was the sweetest guy she had ever known. “They don’t mind going on coffee runs with you no matter the time, even if it’s three am in the morning and they’ve got work a couple hours before.” A small smile slid across her lips, “they’re the ones you introduce to your parents for the first time because you know they aren’t going anywhere.” She blinked rapidly, shaking her head as she leveled the blonde with a solemn stare. “You don’t realize it, but they’re the ones that will love you when it counts and they won’t stop loving you.”

The blonde’s eyes widened at her. She blinked a few times; seemingly looking speechless as Keegan felt a blush crept up her cheeks. “Wow that was – that was a lot.” The girl searched her eyes, “are you sure you’re not the one into him?”

Keegan nearly choked on her own spit. “I-what?” She laughed, but even her voice had nearly sounded too strange to her own ears. They climbed higher in pitch as she sputtered to explain, “I – we –” she shook her head, “we’re friends. And all I’m saying as his friend – Seth Levine is worth knowing.” And falling for. She gave the girl a smile for good measure.

Seconds passed between them as though the blonde was deliberating on something. “Alright,” she said abruptly. “You’ve convinced me. He does sound like the whole package,” she sighed wistfully, “and I could definitely use the whole package right now.”

“You and me both sister.”

She laughed, raising her glass to clink with the rum and coke Keegan had brought over with her. “Cheers to new friends.”

“To new friends.” Keegan repeated, after a split second of hesitation. She kept her smile in place as their glasses clinked but they nearly faltered altogether as the woman dumped the rest of her drink down her throat.

“Well, wish me luck.”

She gulped. “Uh, luck..?”

She winked and Keegan observed as her tall and curvy figure sashayed across the club until she was mere inches away from Seth’s booth.

His expression brightened the moment he caught sight of her and with it Keegan’s stomach shrank. She watched them a little longer as the woman slid inside the both. They chatted animatedly; eyes locked on each other and she laughed at all of Seth’s jokes – like Keegan knew she would.

Watching them made her feel suddenly uneasy; her stomach cramping at the sight of the two of them until she felt compelled to look away. Why was she watching anyway? She had done her job.

She became his wing woman. It was just a pity that it only took being his wing woman for her to realize how completely stupid she was. She agreed to shove him towards the direction of another woman. Another woman that wasn’t her.

It had taken her a lot of speculation to admit all those things she said about sweet guys; realizing as she spoke all of it had been for Seth. He was who she had been thinking about. He as the only person she could almost picture bringing home to meet her parents.

The way she saw Seth, was never this clear and never this certain before. She didn’t just want to be friends, or even great friends for that matter. She wanted to be more. And standing around like a loser, watching him flirt with someone else wasn’t helping her self-confidence.

She polished the rest of her drink before setting it down on the counter again. She needed to get out of here; she needed to remember how it was between them – the effortless banter and name calling; the nights of falling asleep together. She closed her eyes for a moment, taking deep breaths before finally deciding to call it a night.

She didn’t waste any time in leaving; only pausing to send Seth a quick text.

Hey, leaving. This place isn’t really my scene. See u tomorrow?

Her phone didn’t chime back.

She waited a minute longer before swallowing back her sense of disappointment. She grabbed her coat and headed towards the door.

She told herself not to care so much; she had no right to. Seth was in his right to spend with whoever he wanted. Hadn’t she readily done the same? And yet, she couldn’t deny the simple fact - it did bother her.

And all she could think of as she hastily yanked the entrance door open, was his sappy blue eyes. The sandy blonde hair and the goofy grin he wore when he was telling a joke. The unnerving way he knew how to tell when she had a bad day.

It was all she could think about as her feet hit the sidewalk.

Keegan couldn’t have been standing for more than ten minutes for a taxi when she heard her name. Her eyes followed the sound of the voice and had widened slightly at the sight of Seth’s approach.

He had this weird look in his eyes, eyes almost too bright for her comfort. Apprehension filled her chest, unsettling her as she waited for the blonde to appear behind him. When she didn’t, Keegan frowned.

He stopped in front of her; his breath slightly uneven as though he had just finished running a marathon. “Jesus Iowa, did you have to leave in such a hurry?” He grumbled in between breaths.

She blinked up at him in surprise as he straightened himself upright. “I –” she stopped short, “what? What’re you doing here?” She slid her gaze past him, jaw tensing as she spoke. “Shouldn’t you be back in there with what’s-her-face?”

“Amber,” he corrected. “Her name’s Amber but that doesn’t really matter.”

“And why not? You’re the one that convinced me that you two had a thing.” She folded her arms, jutting her chin at him.

“I did, and I was wrong.” He responded dismissively, as though it hadn’t mattered. “She was just some girl that belonged as a fantasy in my head. Not the real thing.” He waited until she met his stare before he continued, “besides we didn’t click.”

“But I thought –” she remembered seeing how cozy they looked when she was watching – how easily it was for them to laugh. “But I thought you two were having fun.”

“Oh we were,” his eyes didn’t waver. “We had fun talking about how you’ve got feelings for me.” He said the last part casually while her own breath hitched.

For a moment she couldn’t speak and glanced away. Then she stammered to find the right words. “Th-that’s ridiculous.” She tried to scowl but it faltered the moment she looked back at him. “I don’t have feelings for you.” She had spent the whole night telling herself she did; but the moment he said the words out-loud – he made it real.

And she was afraid. Absolutely terrified.

Seth Levine wasn’t just another guy. He was dependent. Funny. Smart. He made her laugh till she couldn’t see straight, till her eyes filled with tears. He made her smile and groan about how cheesy bad romance movies were. He never hesitated to pick up her calls or allow her inside his apartment during the wee hours of the morning after a bad fight with whatever asshole she had been dating at the time.

Seth wasn’t just another guy. And she didn’t think she could survive if she didn’t have him inside her life.

“That’s…that’s…” She trailed off; refusing to meet his gaze again.

“Iowa,” he interrupted. His voice was surprisingly soft and his free arm slid around her in a way that was more intimate than just being great friends. “When I asked you come out tonight, it wasn’t really because of her. I mean sure – she’s hot, but I was just –” his face twisted, “trying to use her as an excuse to forget about you. The same way I’ve been using other girls to forget about you.” His other hand closed the distance between them to cup her cheek, lightly coaxing her to meet his warm stare. “I hate seeing you date other people.”

A shaky laugh escaped her throat. “I hate seeing you date other people too.” She confessed softly. Her pulse jumped when she felt him move visibly closer. “I’m terrified Seth.”

“I’m terrified too.”

“You just –” she inhaled deeply, “you just mean a lot to me. You’ve been my first real friend. The first real person that wanted to know me, the real me – and not the version I pretend to be around cameras.”

“And you’re the first girl that knows all the different sides of me. The first that hasn’t run for the hills despite all the skeletons inside my closet. It’s so easy to push people away when you hide through several layers of sarcasm and humor” His fingers drew tiny circles across her skin and her pulse jumped again. “But with you, it’s different. I’ve shown you more of me than I have with anyone else.” His lips curved, eyes crinkling at the corner as his voice softened. “So how about we give this we thing a try?”

She could feel his breath on her cheeks and his lips by her own. By all accounts, they were a few inches away and a question was inside his eyes as he waited expectantly for her answer. There was a look of vulnerability to his stare and she knew staring into his eyes that there were no pretenses between them now. No bullshit. No subject change to hide under. It was just the two of them, huddled close together despite how chilly the evening breeze and forgot the rest of the world around them.

Her hands slowly looped around his neck, and she found herself pressing closer to touch his lips. “I think I’d like that.”

He kissed her then; both hands cupping the sides of her face the moment their lips met. Keegan’s nerves felt as if they exploded –tiny sensations rippled, making her shudder before she gripped the back of his baby hairs. And the world around her shifted, before it seemed to fall away, fading into nothing as she moaned into his mouth, kissing him back softly. She hadn’t realized how much wanting to kiss him had become a fantasy until he was right here – in front of her; pressing himself against her. He was real and this moment was real, because as soon as their lips touched for the first time. Everything clicked.

Their lips slid together perfectly, kissing and nibbling as Keegan melted into his touch. Her knees felt unsteady, and her right foot had managed to slide right up as he deepened the kiss. Her mouth slide open a fraction enough for his tongue to quickly dart inside, drawing another soft moan from her lips once they kissed again.

She couldn’t tell how long they stood there; wrapped in each other’s embrace exploring each other’s smooth lips for the first time. But she knew, the moment they pulled away long enough to breathe that this was only the beginning. One beautiful beginning that she didn’t want to rush as she grinned up at him.

He grinned back.

“Damn Iowa, if I knew you were such a good kisser. I might’ve kissed you a lot earlier.”

Playfully bumping his shoulder, she snorted. “Are you trying your Seth charm on me?” She pretended to roll her eyes, “because I’ll have you know –” she lowered her voice, “it’s actually working.”

He laughed. “I knew I’d worn you down eventually.”

“And it only took you a couple months. Coincidentally, you’re a very patient man.” Before she could pull away completely, Seth entwined her hands with his. The weight felt comfortable. Familiar. Perfect.

“I’m a patient man when I need to be. Besides,” he dipped his head slow suddenly and Keegan balked until she realized his intention. His lips touched hers briefly until she responded, they grew in intensity.

They remained locked together, clinging to one another until Keegan felt light-headed enough to pull away first.

He was grinning down at her, expression almost smug. “Totally worth the wait.”

A blush crept up her cheeks. She avoided looking at him as her heart fluttered from his words. Trying to scowl, she clucked her tongue. “God, how is it possible that you’re so hot and insufferable at the same time?”

“It’s a gift.” He grinned. He squeezed her hand as they walked towards his limo.

Shaking her head, she couldn’t help but smile back up at him, knowing all too well those sappy blue eyes of his made it hard to even pretend to be upset at him. “Must be.” She sighed airily and he laughed. “My place or yours?”

“Doesn’t matter Iowa, either way I’ll be seeing a lot more of you.”

#seth x mc #seth x keegan #seth levine x keegan abbott #seth levine #choices stories you play #ugh my lame ending rip me #playchoices #red carpet diaries #seth levine red carpet diaries #rcd #rcd seth levine #seth x mc fanfic #fluff #an angstymarshmallow writes #summaries are terrible for me #all the time

69 notes · View notes

stray-tori · 6 years

Text

| 2017 Personal Rewind |

for two hours over here, actually. But it’s time for me to ramble about it! But I won’t make you scroll over it for an endless time, instead I’m offering you to read it by clicking keep reading ;)

FANDOMS

Okay, so fandom-wise, this year has been quite Cartoon-dominated. I think I watched like 10 cartoons, but only 2 anime. And that’s with someone who actually called cartoons out for how childish they can be and how they don’t fit my humour (I’m all about them anime-humour apparantly). So I myself was surprised when I noticed how many cartoons I watched this year:

Steven Universe I watched this one before 2017, and 2017 had the longest hiatus for SU ever, so uhhh yeah it wasn’t the best year but we had the Zoo and Abduction Arcs SOOOO yay? Like most, I have noticed a drop in excitement, but I still love this show for things it does so I can’t be too mad.

Star vs the forces of evil I am not sure if I watched season 1+2 this year or last (damn my memory), but I know I wasn’t too fond of this show. I didn’t think it was bad, it simply didn’t fascinate me the same way SU did. Even with battle for Mewni, I only liked the Eclipsa and Moon Parts and not much beyond that. In the new season I’ve grown to really like Tomstar for some reason, but I still think the episodes are too random at times and there is sometimes too little connection between them. But maybe I’m just too used to SU being slow-paced that I can’t handle how fast Star is jumping between events.

Voltron I'm not sure if S2 was this year or last year, but any way Voltron has been part of my 2017. I’ve had a phase where I really shipped Plance due to the Ouran High School Host Club Vibes it gave me back when I watched S1 and this year it decided to come back at me. Else, the material has been great! I love the series, and how serious it is and how it doesn’t focus on romantic love AT ALL. I really like that, even if I started this Section with saying what I shipped. I’m so hyped Matt is back and the Keith almost-sacrifice scene really got me like I actually thought they were gonna do it. They never get me with almost-deaths. NEVER.

Wakfu As Season 3 came closer so grew my expectations. When I finally watched it, I was blown away. I won’t sugar-coat that the Time-Paradox thing was 1000% Bullshit, but it won’t stop me from loving this season, even if it had it’s weak elements. But I just loved the rest too much and while I am picky with it, I can’t get myself to not enjoy it (which I’m really happy about because I hate it when some elements ruin something for me). If you wanna hear more of me rambling, go here for the post and here for the s3 tag.

Miraculous Oh I have a love-hate relationship with this show. I can see the potential and all, but it’s just too episodic for me, relies a bit too much on the cute love-square that changes progress every episode. The characters don’t always feel like what is established about them (for example, Adrien loved Ladybug, yet in the new season he KEEPS being overly nice to Marinette like dude sure you’re a bit oblivious but ughhh) and there are no conflicts present for more than one episode. I really don’t like how they lured me in with the first episode being story-heavy and then keeping nothing happening for like 5 episodes. The only episodes I can even remember what actually really happened were “The Collector” bc of the obvious Gabriel-Adrien-Drama, the episode where her aunt (?) visits bc I heard she’s plot-relevant, but I don’t see how tbh; the episode with the Owl because it actually went out of the usual formular for an episode and Robustus because it had some story I guess in the last few seconds. I really hope the season picks up soon, I’m like 10% invested haha.

Tangled The Series Holy fucking shit. Like I started watching it while doing other stuff and I started right before “Queen for a day” aired, so by the time I caught up, I could actually watch that episode and what can I say? The animation is beautiful, and you think it’d be a cute little series and suddenly there’s death and everyone’s hopeless and betraying and ??? WHAT HAPPENED. Varian and Cass are super enjoyable and I love the way the series is going! I’m super sad it’s going to end so soon! If you wanna know more of my thoughts, go here.

Teen Titans I BINGE-WATCHED THIS IN LIKE 1-2 WEEK/S. While I had to study so yas. Well I have to thank Tangled for the short hiatus I guess, because I was like “Man I need something else to watch then” and was like “I could just watch 1 or 2 episodes of Teen Titans each Saturday, I wanted to start that for a while!” and suddenly I was 10 episodes in. I love the characters, I love Raven, I love Star and I love Robstar as you probably noticed. I was surprised how much plot the show actually had (and how brutal Robin could be if he wanted) and I never really found episodes annoying except the ones that focussed extremely on other teams or superheroes, I’m just not invested enough in the DC Universe to care about these guys haha. I thought S3 and S5 were kinda weak and it also bothered my how Characters sometimes really shift in their characterstics SOMETIMES to further the plot. But it never got to the point that it annoyed me extremely. Also it doesn’t even feel like “Stranded” happened at all in S5 cri hahahahaha. Also I don’t know where to place Trouble in Tokyo but I wasn’t too fond of the movie anyway so I guesssss it doesn’t matter. I liked it, I really did, but it felt a little too straight forward sometimes and depending on the placement to the seasons, it doesn’t fit a lot either. BUT that’s nitpicking.

So yeah, anime-wise, I don’t even know what I watched this year and what was last year. I just remember Akatsuki no Yona, which was fine I guess. Reverse-Harem for the win! Though it’s the first time I actually found the main love interest so unlikeable I ended up rooting for someone else completely even though I know who was going to be end-game. I’m honestly just sick of these man-ly, seducing men who play hard and are all like STRANGE honestly?? Like I wouldn’t want to be treated like he treats Yona. I ended up really liking her and the guy who looks like a girl (Yoon) together; I just loved how Yona influenced him and made him stand up for them on the boat and everything.

PERSONAL LIFE

This year, especially the second half, has been quite hard on me. My family has been horrible the whole year and I finally feel like it gets to me. I’m just... tired. I’m just numb. I’m so good at pretending I’m happy --- even to myself. But it tired me out and I finally start to notice it. I’m selfish, I know that, but I couldn’t even get myself to be sad - and that’s... an excuse. I know that. I just don’t want to actually be sad. I wanna enjoy my life, I don’t wanna drag myself down, but where did get me?

Anyway, on a more friends-based level, I guess it went good? It was a good year. It was one where I found new friends, deepened some other friendships... and feel like I’ve lost another one... Maybe some of you noticed the time when I got together with a friend for a short amount of time because we both felt like it was where we wanted to go. It went good, really good - at least that’s what I thought. It was slow sure, but for the most part I realized that what I really want is someone close, not necessarily a romantic interest.

More or less out of the blue that ended per text message. And after that, I half fell apart and half felt like it was no problem. And then I really began to get socially paranoid. I was paranoid before, don’t get me wrong. But suddenly I felt like everyone (especially he) was avoiding me, like they pretended to like me. And always when I wanted to express it to him, it stopped. It was like he was playing with me, but I know it couldn’t have been that, because he couldn’t read my thoughts after all. It got better in like November/December too and I hope it stays that way, and maybe one year to do in 2018 is to actually address my feelings -- even if it may end up making everything even more awkward and maybe ruining how good we have gotten.

On the bright side, I’ve gotten closer to two other friends and have made like 3 new friends this year whom I hope to grow closer to in 2018.

ALL IN ALL

I can’t say this has been the best year, especially the second half. There were too many self-doubts, too many crisis, too many thoughts I’d like to stop, too much school-stress and too much emotional garbage. But at the same time, there was many to balance it out. Most of that being friends, old and new ones.

#original post #tori talks about shit nobody asked for #tori talks about herself

1 note · View note

andra-ci · 7 years

Text

Overcoming depression

Hello everyone! I was inspired to write this post about depression as I had to deal with it myself during high school and I wanted to share my experience with the studyblr community. I hope it can be useful.

Accept who you are. I know you hear this one a lot, but it is the very first step to take. Accept yourself. You are unique, there is no one in the whole universe like you. Stop the shaming and stop the self-deprecation. It does not help you. Do not lock your feelings inside. I remember laying on the bed, looking at the wall and just staying there trying so hard to not exist. Oh, I remember so well that hateful feeling of emptiness. Don't try to disappear. You were born for a reason, you came to this world to live a wonderful live. Embrace the positivity and start looking at yourself in the mirror and smiling. It may seem stupid at first, but if you don't start loving yourself you won't solve your problem. SO LOVE YOURSELF. Here are some simple tips that can make you understand why you are so worth it:

Sit at your desk and write a list of all your qualities and characteristics. If you feel like you hate yourself for a particular thing you do, write that down as well and then think about what you can do to solve it. For example: jeez I am so shy -> talk to three people every day. Then commit to it.

Wear your favorite dress/outfit/whatever it is that you adore, then play your favorite music and dance around in your room. It might bring a smile upon your face.

Ask someone who loves you why they do. Ask them the reasons why they love and appreciate you. It may be your mum, dad, sister, brother, boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend, family member. It does not matter whom you ask. The only thing that matters is that you trust them.

Take care of yourself. Do some small things to take care of yourself. When I am so so tired, I take a hot bath/shower with my favorite soap. Then put on some cream, I dry my hair, make my nails, eat something that I like. You can do the same: show yourself some love and respect. Don't let other people do it for you. For instance, don't go to the hair dresser but wash your hair yourself instead. I think it is important that YOU do all this stuff because you have to be active. Learn how to love yourself first.

Stop sleeping and start doing. When I was in high school I used to sleep a lot. It was a way of escaping real life for a while. If you do as well, stop it. Stop sleeping so much and start living. If you think that it would be nice to go for a walk, then do it before your brain can come up with an excuse. If you feel curious or excited about anything, jump out of bed and do it! Don't find excuses for yourself, do those small things instead. Go for a walk, go to the park, have a cup of coffee, go to a museum, call your friend, start studying something that you are interested in all of a sudden, whatever it is that you would like to do, do it. However, remember to sleep around 8 hours per night so you won't be tired.

Exercise a lot. A friend of mine once told me: "Whenever you feel tired, get yourself moving". It was her father who taught her this simple trick and she always did it. She is one of the most positive people I know. Then once, during winter break, I visited her and her family in Austria. Her father was truly such an active and positive man! I really admired him and when he asked me if I wanted to go hiking with them I thought: why not? So we went hiking. It was around New Year, it was so freaking cold and the snow was so high that it went up to my knees. I have to be honest here: it was difficult. Even walking wasn't easy but in the end we made it! And it was wonderful! We were there, on the top of the mountain covered in snow. The view was breathtaking. Then we went down the hill by sled and it was so much fun! After a day of walking through the snow I wasn't tired at all! I mean, of course I was physically tired, but I felt mentally reborn. I felt just bright inside. I don't even know how to explain it. My point is: go out there and exercise! It helps you body and your mind. You will see the results in no time.

Go out! Don't stay in your room all day. Go out, get some fresh air. When I was in high school, my room was my safe place where I could hide. However, it soon became my prison too. I felt so much better when I wen out for a walk with my boyfriend. Don't go alone. Take someone with you. It may seem too simple but most of the time seeing happy people on the street cheers you up as well.

Read tons of books. I know binge watching TV series is easier, but it harms your eyes in the long run. After a while I usually get a heavy headache. Read a book instead. When I was in high school I started reading Harry Potter. What a wonderful experience it was! First of all, reading develops your imagination and it makes you feel active in the story. You actively participate in creating the characters and the scenarios so you don't just shut down your brain and passively watch. Secondly, books are magic. Honestly, pick a good book and start reading. Books make me feel enthusiastic and I for sure needed some happiness back then.

Make things by hand. I built my first bullet journal all by myself. Constructing things that you will later use helps you feel useful and proud of your work. It also helps you calming down and gives you the time to quiet the mind. Try doing something simple. You can watch some DIY videos on YouTube to get you started. For example, I made a couple of notebooks for my bujo and it felt really great. You could paint some jars and use them as pencil cases to put on your desk. You could also make some small presents for your friends! Believe me, it works. Give it a chance and you'll see.

Let people love you. Don't try to kick your friends/family out of your life. Let them in. Let them love you and show it to you. I know this was particularly difficult for me. When I met my boyfriend, I didn't want him in my life. I couldn't believe that someone like him would like someone like me. Come on, I am sure you are familiar with this feeling. You think you are not worth it. You think you don't deserve it. But you do! You deserve it so much! Let them love you 'cause you won't make it all by yourself! Next month my boyfriend and I will celebrate our second anniversary and I am so happy that I had courage to accept him in my life. He showed me real love when I most needed it. Be brave and you'll get there!

Communicate your feelings. Open up, don't keep your emotions inside. Free your feelings. Tell your loved ones how you feel. If you had a shitty day, go tell your person. Let them know what you are struggling with and seek for help. If your friends don't want to hear about your depression, they are not real friends. Let them go, it doesn't matter. You will find better people that will appreciate you for who you truly are, not for whom they want you to be. Don't force yourself to be lonely. After saying what preoccupied me I immediately felt better. You won't be the only one to benefit from it: your family and friends will know what happened and they won't feel so powerless anymore (believe me, it kills them as well), they will try to help you instead.

Get a pet/plant. My dog made my days so beautiful, I can't even tell. She gave me a whole new range of positive emotions to deal with. I was so excited to learn how to take care of her that I almost forgot the negativity. Of course sometimes I though I could not make it, but in the end I had to because it wasn't about me anymore. It was about my dog and her wellbeing. If she was happy, I was happy. She forced me to go out, talk to people and exercise. I learned so much thanks to her. She is one of the best things that ever happened to me. If you are thinking about taking a dog, I advise you to do so. If you already have one, take full responsibility for it. However, if you can't have a dog for any reason, take a plant instead. It might not be as communicative but it is easier to grow and it gives you a great amount of satisfaction. I did it when I moved to Holland to university. I couldn't get my dog with me so I got a plant. It keeps me company and it make me feel happy when I see those new little leaves growing!

Set a high goal and work for it. So back to when I was in high school (oh yeah, all the bad stuff happened during high school) I had that one big project that kept me going: I wanted to go abroad to study at a prestigious university. And I did it. It was a big and far project but it really pushed me when I felt like I couldn't make it. I dreamed about those universities, I went to their websites and watched videos and red blogs and forums and all that fun stuff. It kept me motivated. However I didn't break that big goal into smaller, achievable ones and that was a mistake. Therefore I advise you to do so. Set a high goal and break it into smaller tasks that you can work on everyday. A planner or a bullet journal can help you with this. Dream big and work for it! I know you can make it because I did!

I am not a psychologist or a doctor. I am a normal person who had to deal with depression for as much as five years. But I made it, I defeated the beast and these are my best advices for you. Now, after such a horrible period, I am finally happy. I am where I want to be. I am fulfilled. And I made it without any professional help. If I could make it, you can as well! Best luck to you!

#studyblr #depression

2 notes · View notes