#but i really just get comfort from individual characters as an aro/ace and it really just hurts to see the disrespect of V's death

[dirty-trash-mongrel]

I don't hate or get annoyed by BiscuitBites/Nuzi as a ship, I just don't care much for most ships in general (besides PinkLemonade/Vizzy because personally I think their dynamic is really cute ok??) And I'm not irritated that Nuzi is becoming canon like a lot of people are complaining about, Murder Drones is not becoming a shipping-focused show because of this, this episode had probably the most horror and emotional scenes by far... I'm happy shipping wars will be over and I'm happy that people are voicing out their happiness that the ship is canon! Yippee! People are happy, everything is good, and I'm not irritated by that! What I do find irritating about some Nuzi shippers is that I'll have actual tears running down my face from reading a V memoriam post and then scroll down to see some people saying that they "didn't care V died that much and that they're glad that V is dead to completely set in stone Nuzi as a ship". Most of the main cast of characters were comfort characters for me and this is a shot in the heart because I loved V as a character. Even though I was kind of emotionally hurt by the last scene, I really do think a sacrifice was a good call by Liam. That won't stop me from being sad however. But PLEASE, I don't want to see people complaining about how everyone's upset over V's death and not putting enough focus on Nuzi confirmation (which both statements are super untrue, both get a respective amount of attention) Like I understand why some people wouldn't be super upset about the (presumably) V death, you can voice your own opinion and not be too emotionally affected by the death and I'm not judging you for that, but when I see people get to the point where they're judging and kind of shaming people for getting stressed or anxious or generally upset at a character death? It kind of kills me. Please stop beatboxing I'm crying on the floor Though a lot of Nuzi shippers I see aren't like this and I'm so happy about that, it's super nice to see that!!!! I've seen some of the most amazing works of this community come from Nuzi people and I still respect them so much because they're still people and part of this fandom even though I don't directly care much for the ship itself anymore, I'm not judging anyone based on their favorite robot pairings (UNLESS YOU'RE LIKE. A PROSHIPPER. ICK. OFF WITH YOU.) :)

#i really don't want to point out names on the people posting these things (also i completely forget because i tried to block out the posts) #i don't know if i'm the only one seeing them but i still hate it #crackships are funny though those fuel me so much #ooh and i think dizzy is fun i just prefer vizzy because DD x WD is fun imo #lizzy as a character is just.. top tier shipping material in my opinion #nuzi still is just meh for me #and i get why it's a comfort ship to many #i too shipped uzi for a short amount of time because i thought it was cute #but it's still one of the better ships and i see why liam wanted it to be canon #relationships with a lot of fluff can be comforting to some #i don't mean to offend anyone just i'm seeing a few of these and it's genuinely just kind of upset at this #LET ME COPE AND DON'T UNDERMINE THAT WAHHHH #but i really just get comfort from individual characters as an aro/ace and it really just hurts to see the disrespect of V's death #i don't know if this is even a hot take i'm just. :(((((((( #AGAIN NOT GETTING UPSET AS NUZI SHIPPERS AS A WHOLE JUST I'VE SEEN POSTS THAT REALLY JUST KIND OF UPSET ME AND I'M SURE A FEW OTHERS AS WEL #im. #ranting #in tags. #guh. #I don't even know if I proofread this right I'm like too upset rn #murder drones #murder drones spoilers #dumpster bullshit #i'm not tagging ship tags because i really don't want to get involved in much drama #i really don't want any hate barrages on me in my asks or replies or dms about this #mongrel behavior

[citizensun]

Queerness and the House of Usher (spoilers!)

See I just added these Thoughts to the tags in @quecksilvereyes 's post but now I have Feelings too

TFotHoU (or HoU, as I will refer to it here), as expected from a Mike Flannagan show, has a bunch of Queer Rep™ to talk about. HoU is, also, about remarkably evil people - amoral capitalists who'll step over anyone if it means they'll get something from it. And look! Some of them are queer! Kinky too!

That's bad queer representation... right?

The show isn't that clear when stablishing sexualities, but we see that at least three of the Usher kids - Napoleon, Camille and Victorine - have same sex SOs/assistants with curious job descriptions. Prospero's taste for orgies probably implies queerness too, but honestly I don't remember if he gets it going with any guys in the story. I honestly have no idea about Tamerlane's voyerism thingie and Frederick is the only one with a "traditional family" going on.

Unrelated, but: Leo is definitely cheating on his bf Julius. Completely dismissing about his worries for him too. And for his cat. That's objectively evil, clearly. Vic literally killed her fiancée Alessandra, though she didn't stuff her under the floorboard, which is an L when compared to Poe's original. Cam doesn't believe in true love. Perry blackmailed his sister in law. Mean. He's also got a surprisingly high kill count for the family's disappointment, but since unlike Roderick he only killed rich people, we stan. I don't belong in Kinky spaces so I haven't got a big take on Tammie, only that - well, she's completely dismissing of her husband and sees him as a prop, just like the sex worker she hires.

Huh.

See, the nature of a story called "the fall of X family" is that X family is going to be the main character. The title kinda implies that they're falling for a reason, ergo, they're despicable fucking people. And they're queer! They're very queer. Many flavors of gay. They're the main characters, and they're monsters, and they're gay.

No, that's not bad rep.

Queerness as a movement, a community and a theory is very focused on scaping a cisheteronormative society's binaries (ie man/woman, husband/wife, public/private) and creating living conditions to those who fall outside of these categories - mlms and wlws, the trans, the nbs, the aros and aces... we are all queer, strange and estranged from this weird and limited worldview. And so we create a community for ourselves. It's very focused on care and anti-stablishment. Since a cisheteronormative society tends to be very white, rich and western, it's also focuses on anti-racism, anti-capitalism, anti-imperialism. Y'all know that, this is Tumblr and we love leftist Discourse.

I also know many, many gay people irl who are not like that at all. Libertarians, anarcho-capitalists, terfs, completely apolitical people and the like. Sexuality at it's core is personal, not political, so there are gay people out there who are perfectly comfortable with their sexuality on an individual level but do not see the point of getting involved in the broader context. They're queer, but are they...?

Well—

Not to mention there's lots of asshole gays out there! Don't you have a shitty ex? Have you never been almost run over by a drunken butch who blew cigar smoke into your face? I have! Life experiences are just like that. Maybe you should touch more grass. You'll probably find a lucky gift from your neighbour's dog, who is an astrology-obsessed bisexual and also really hot but stopped making out with you at a party once she found out you're a pisces (the neighbour, not the dog).

(Granted, none of this is as bad as implanting an experimental heart contraption into the fiancée you just killed because she dared to have ethical principles and then being so consumed with grief you stab yourself in front you'd your dad but you know how it goes. We're not the 1%.)

My point is, queer people are people. We are complex. We fuck up, and sometimes there's still times to fix things and sometimes... there isn't. We're consumed by jealousy and regret and sometimes we're so locked into our own head we stop believing the rest of the world is real too. Just like any other people, because unfortunately, queerness isn't a sign of morality.

And even if queerness does mean community, kindness and acceptance, tell me... Where the hell would the Usher kids get those from? The people around them are not really peers – they're ass-istants, blowjob-giving apartments, orgy mates, heart surgery providers, hired fitness moneybags, perfect housewives. Even if the partners are all shown to care for the Ushers, there's still a distance, a power gap, that makes the relationships fundamentally wrong.

And the partners? Arguably they're the good queer rep in the show, but look – even when Julius and Alessandra are shown to be good people (or at least people with an ethical boundary), they're not the good gays, they're simply the good SO's to a family of psychos. Exactly like Bill and Morrie, who afawk are straight people.

Which leads us to HoU's parameter of morality - Auguste Dupin. He refuses to drink the Amontillado, symbol of all the Usher opulence over the years. He got screwed over by the Usher twins and by the Raven herself, but he refused to cave in (except for the informant part, admittedly). He's not a good gay guy; he is gay and he is a good man.

The fundamental difference between our show's main tragic yaoi couple isn't that Auggie is a happily out gay man (and therefore is good) while Roderick is a sad divorced hetero (and therefore is bad). Auggie is the richer man because he is a good man; he has a spouse and children and grandchildren he loves with all his heart. He has a family and a community and he has found a sort of happiness no money can buy. Roderick owns the world – but what does he really have? What do his children even have? How could they ever build communities for themselves if they were never in one? Their father made them compete for his love. He never nurtured their bonds, he just showered them with money and excess until it was too much for them to handle. Juno herself pointed out - they were never a family. The House of Usher was only that. A house. It is empty and soulless.

What is queerness without a community? How could the people who represent the relentless corporate normativity and cutthroat capitalism ever be good queer rep? How can they even be queer?

Hear me out: on the most individual, simple level, being queer is still about not fitting in. These kids are bastards. They are are PoC and women in a predominantly male and white dominated space. They're on top of the world, but they're still outsiders to their own House. How could they not be queer?

And yes, I know this discussion takes a different turn when it comes to representation in media, but it's not like Flannagan fell into a Hays Code-era flamboyant villain trope. Queerness is just there. Just like Victorine and August are both black people in (arguably) the opposite ends of the morality spectrum, there are queer characters of many kinds here. The story just happens to be about the fucked up ones.

HoU is a poignant critique of capitalism and a surprisingly funny adaptation of Poe. We'll judge it by that. It happens to be queer – more things should be.

#the fall of the house of usher #TFotHoU #victorine lafoucarde #camille l'espanaye #napoleon usher #prospero usher #tamerlane usher #roderick usher #queer theory #queerness #lgbtqia #edgar allan poe #mike Flannagan #sun o' mine

[hecateisalesbian]

The Pride of June: QPR

Todays Art Piece (Bottom) was made by @bloggingboutburgers. Please go check out their blog and support her work :)

Scroll to the bottom for a message from todays tumblr user!

The Queer Platonic (Relationship) Flag (QPR) is the Flag used it to describe someone who is in a committed and intimate relationship that are not romantic. This is typically beyond regular friendship and the closeness of each partner can vary

Fun History Fact: The concept QPR originates in aromantic and asexual spaces in the LGBT community. Like romantic relationships, queerplatonic relationships are sometimes said to involve a deeper and more profound emotional connection than typical friendship.

Tumblr User: @hecateisalesbian, @bloggingboutburgers and their partner @civiart

Media Character: Daph and Thomas from The Interpretation of Shadows by @nyoomian are in a QPR.

Why the colors? Pink is a lighter version of red which represents how QPRs are like romantic relationships , the Yellow represents platonic relationships, and the darkening Grey represents the Aro/Ace community

Where can I find the calendar? The calendar is my pinned post on my blog @hecateisalesbian! This will be occurring all throughout June, and tags such as #The Pride of June and #PoJ Project can be used to find my post

Side Note by Me: A little more information on QPRs and an example how on they act can be found here. This card was created by @nyoomian

Special Message from @civiart

What it's like to be in a QPR? "Well, at the very least the QPR I'm in is very comfortable I'll say far most! It's hard to define in exact words to describe the relationship. It's the closeness and comfortable vulnerability of being with someone that you see as your life partner. The more meme-esque way I like describing it is Akhts is my ride or die!! Life is crazy and so unpredictable! It throws hands at ya in anyway it wants to and you just have to figure out how to roll with the punches and face it! It gets hard to face it on your own, so it's nice to build a dynamic with someone where you can share the messiness of life. There's that element of closeness you have with them that's just really comforting and fills your heart in a special way. It's always an honor being able to spend time together with a beloved and feel that solidarity confidence in one another. It's like the dynamic and development for this relationship just lead up to it naturally without the mix of romance and sexual attraction. It's definitely a relationship of what feels right to each individual. At least for mine, I'm really happy being in a QPR with Akhts! The dear really gives me a lot of comfort, company, and honestly sharing the braincell too. I'm honored to have her company and will absolutely prance my adoration for her! Life feels so much more fuller with her!"

#queer #pride month #qpr #qpp #QPR #QPP #queer platonic relationship #queer platonic partner #the poj project #poj project #pride of june project #the pride of june project #pride of june #the pride of june

[tbx12]

Why is Cherry Magic so beloved by many?

This is gonna be a very long post because since this drama came out I couldn’t get it out of my head. It’s my comfort show, to which I always return. And I can confidently say I am not the only one. Even though the premise of this drama may seem weird or even off-putting, giving it a shot was one of my best decisions. 

 One of the first things I, like many other people, loved was the overall theme. As already mentioned, the synopsis of a 30-year-old man gaining mind-reading powers because of him being a virgin and then the whole plot logically should be centered around that, is at least slightly weird. But the show’s theme is more like how these powers are actually being used and not just how they came to be. Communication and understanding others and their feelings play a huge role in this drama. It is shown repeatedly, that most of the time things are not as they seem. And I honestly love, how Adachi realizes this pretty early on. One of the early examples is the rooftop scene in episode 3. He notices how Kurosawa feels and tries to empathize with him and explain the situation from his perspective. 

Adachi explains his situation, and when it still looks like Kurosawa didn’t understand what was he trying to say, he tries to explain it again and differently.

From then onwards it s a common thing in this series. Adachi offers to Fujisaki he’ll talk to her mother, Tsuge learns through new experiences how to communicate his feelings for Minato and there are many more examples.

Another strong aspect of this show is the characters. Starting with the protagonist, it wasn’t difficult to relate to Adachi. Going day by day through life, being anxious, and having problems with setting up boundaries and communicating your feelings and needs. I also loved how Akaso Eiji portrayed Adachi’s mannerisms. The way he usually rubs his hands, when he’s nervous, or his panicked ironic smile in ridiculous situations, when he has no idea, how he actually got himself in those in the first place. Adachi is also a character, which is easy to root for. He’s a good person. Every time he makes the wrong assumption about someone, he feels bad, and tries to do better. (We see many times, when Adachi goes to Kurosawa’s place, or the aftermath of the competition)

He always thinks of others, tries to overcome his anxiety, and has a strong moral backbone. He’s actively choosing to battle his flaws.

I loved how the theme of nothing being like it seems was repeatedly used when it came to Kurosawa. He seemed like the perfect salesman, the perfect man, or at least that was Adachi’s assumption. He has his own issues and is his own person. Kurosawa gets jealous, frustrated (not visibly to others) because both himself and the others in the series, and it is shown he too is a complicated individual with strong moral compass.

I love how we go from “He’s blinding!” to the fact, that sometimes what we see is not necessarily the truth. What we, as the audience, see is a carefully crafted mask full of confidence, but that’s not really, who Kurosawa is. (It’s part of him, sure, but that’s only one of his many sides.) That’s why I loved the movie and the scenes in and after Adachi’s accident. It brought up a new aspect of the character and just as with Adachi, he’s a character, which is very likable.

The side characters are great as well. Fujisaki is supportive, yet does not come as overbearing. It was also refreshing to see aro/ace representation.

I loved how Rokkaku’s enthusiasm, and how on the other side we (through Adachi) see that he’s a surprisingly sensitive and caring person. The way he defended his friend, Minato? On one hand, I felt bad for Tsuge, on the other I was really glad Rokkaku spoke up.

I enjoyed watching Tsuge stumble, overcome his ‘running away from any complications’ attitude, and start to develop a healthy connection with Minato.

What made the most of the characters are definitely the actors. (For this part I’ll be only talking about the male leads because otherwise, this post will be way too long.) Those performances were amazing, and nothing felt out of place. Who stood out to me most was Akaso Eiji. As already mentioned his expressions and mannerism is just on point, and even after reading the manga I had problems imagining Adachi with a different face than Akaso Eiji’s. (Maybe that will change with the upcoming thai adaptation though.)

Keita Machida’s performance? Amazing. The way mood changed every single time when this man did ONE micro-expression. For example, the difference between various Kurosawa’s smiles was huge. Some of them were reserved for the people he was frustrated at, then a similar expression was used for business, and of course there were smiles only reserved for the people close to him. Looking back at the manga, I, personally, saw the panels come to life.

All in all, there are definitely more reasons, why this series (and the movie with the extras) brings such comfort to its fans. Is Cherry Magic perfect? Definitely no. Is this some cinematographic miracle? Not even close. But the themes are relatable, the characters are likable and overall it is enjoyable to watch.

#cherry magic #30歳まで童貞だと魔法使いになれるらしい #30sai made dotei dato mahotsukai ni narerurashii #adachi kiyoshi #kurosawa yuichi #machida keita #akaso eiji

[kaiwrites-if]

The idea of exploring sexuality this way is really interesting. I was super excited with the concept. Until the anon with “can’t wait to turn Arthur bi”. As an ace person who has struggled against everyone trying to “fix me” like I’m a broken toy, the idea people want to entertain “turning” someone is really triggering and upsetting. Leaving me a little worried. I just want to know before I get too hyped and excited for this concept. That the story is one of exploration and not something that is going to fall into this trope of “flipping” someone’s sexuality like it’s a light switch so easily changed. Or worse, that pushing someone’s sexuality to change is something lightly taken as a game for entertainment rather than a journey of self exploration and acceptance.

I deeply apologise if that ask and the way I answered made you or anyone else uncomfortable, I believe it was very much said in jest as Arthur’s sexuality is set to change no matter what and they will not actually be turned bisexual, but I should have taken how it might have come across into account.

At no point will anyone’s sexuality just be ‘flipped’, because anyone on the aro/ace spectrum (or of any sexuality) is not broken, and does not need to be ‘fixed’. I identify as aegosexual, and understand the struggles involved with being on the ace spectrum.

It will be a journey of exploring your identity and/or sexuality, and nothing will be forced at any point. The characters will be respectful and supportive of any and all sexualities and identities. You could already have an understanding of your characters sexuality from the prologue, or you could take the whole three books to learn, understand, and accept what makes you comfortable. You never even have to label yourself at all if you wish.

For example, your Merlin might not be interested in sex from the beginning and stay that way, nothing would be forced. But you could also decide that you wish to have sex with one of the ROs for the sake of exploring your sexuality (with the option to fade-to-black), and then afterwards, realise that it’s not something you wish to engage in again, or perhaps even something you’re just indifferent to. You’d be able to have a conversation with your RO about this, and they would be very understanding.

Sexuality and identity can so important to an individual, and it will never be used for the sake of entertainment.

In terms of Arthur, it will be rather clear that he’s going through a sexuality crisis, and depending on your Merlin, you can tease him about it. However, there will be very serious moments surrounding his sexuality as well, and they’ll even be moments where Arthur will get upset if Merlin pushes too much.

Boundaries will be set up for all the characters, and they will not be crossed.

I hope that has put you at ease anon, and I wish to apologise again. Please follow up for any clarification.

#ask #mc sexuality #arthur’s sexuality

[nonbinaryresource]

hi. i wanted to ask whether or not it’s ok to take comfort in a person that has not officially come out as trans but has included many forms of gender expression in their work? i’m trans and when i listened to this artist’s work (harry styles - she & fine line) i connected with the songs immediately? i found a lot of people in the community who too connected to the songs and interpreted the lyrics as a struggle with one’s gender identity. at first i was against calling harry trans because i thought it was wrong, but then after reading master posts i discovered that he constantly portrays gender in his work (using the trans flag on his album cover; being ok with his friends referring to him with she/her, miss, ‘sue’ instead of ‘harry’, and sis; his obsession with babies and especially wanting to get pregnant; relating himself only to female artists; etc.) and now i’m really confused. it feels comforting as a fan to relate to him and i, and a lot of other fans from the community, sometimes refer to him with he/she/they instead of he/him (he never said his pronouns are he/him). is that wrong? every time my (trans) friends and i refer to him with pronouns other than he/him or tell people not to assume he’s cis as he never specified that, other (usually cis. a trans fan called me transphobic and told me to stop seeking validation from cis white men.) fans will start calling us transphobic and delusional and attacking us to the point we had anxiety attacks over it? i’m just really confused right now. i don’t want to misgender anyone but i don’t understand why relating to someone who, from their actions, could be part of the community is wrong. i’m not out to anyone irl and sometimes i wish people caught on to the little things i do and recognise that i am part of the community. i don’t understand why people keep shutting down the idea the harry could be trans when he never said he was cis and was ok being referred to as she.

he has previously said that there are no lines between what's masculine and what's feminine for him anymore. i'm sorry this is so long and thank you

(You also sent in the song lyrics - thanks for the easy reference! - but I’m clipping those for length reasons.)

Disclaimer before I dig in: I am not a Harry Styles stan, I know very little about him, most of what I am going to say specifically about him is stuff I researched about specifically to answer this ask. I want to speak mostly generally to your question.

Okay, so you posed a pretty succinct, straight forward question. “i wanted to ask whether or not it’s ok to take comfort in a person that has not officially come out as trans but has included many forms of gender expression in their work?“ However, there’s also a lot of context to this ask that makes things not so straight forward, and there are several distinct issues touched upon here I want to delve into. But it seems a good a starting place as any to start with the direct question you asked.

Yes, of course it’s okay to find your own meaning in art and role models and relate to art your way from your perspective based on your experience. In fact, that’s nearly the entire purpose of art! And it makes sense too, that we as social creatures would look up to and be inspired by celebrities, artists, mentors, role models, etc. Feeling connected to and less alone because someone in the spotlight plays with gender presentation like you might or want to makes a lot of sense!

However, we have to remember that A) sometimes art is just art, and B) someone being in the spotlight doesn’t mean we actually know or understand them or are/should act familiar with them.

As an example, a couple years back, Will Jay released a song called “Never Been in Love” that pretty much exploded with aros and aces and became a bit of an anthem for a lot of us. Many wondered if he was aspec himself and there was a lot of queries about it (and I saw quite a few blogs reminding folk that they were allowed to relate to the song even if it meant something different to Will Jay or he wasn’t actually aspec). Earlier this year, he released the song “Lies” where he admits that he was writing songs he thought people would relate to and he actually had been in love even before writing “Never Been In Love”. That should do nothing to diminish how meaningful the song was to people, though! If we related to the song, we related to the song, and if it was meaningful and made us feel seen and understood, that’s great! A lot of times, art is personal, but sometimes art is just an exploration.

This concept applies even more to people themselves. It is soooo easy to idolize and romanticize people you’ve never actually met and really only see the persona they want you to see. Yes, they share personal information with the world and they experience a general lack of privacy that makes you feel like yeah, you really know who they are. But how can you really, personally, intimately know someone without interacting with them, chatting with them, getting to know them one on one? It’s fine to have role models and feel represented by and relate to a celebrity - just do not lose sight of the fact that what you’re feeling is personal feeling on your own end. It’s not something that this celebrity has actually built with you.

To put this another way: it is fine to headcanon fictional characters, but it’s not okay to headcanon real people.

Now, what I’m building up to here is that there are a lot of assumptions I am seeing - from both sides - that we cannot truly know because all we know is what Harry [or anyone] chooses to share with us. I’d like to break this down by going through some specific points.

at first i was against calling harry trans because i thought it was wrong

Okay, there are two sides to this.

1) It is wrong to apply a gender label/descriptor to someone without their permission.

2) In a cisnormative society, “cis” is the default gender label/descriptor to apply to everyone, and that’s equally wrong, so I get why it feels like a rebellion of the system to go “well, there are Reasons they could be trans, so I’m just going to go ahead and call them trans”.

We should get away from automatically labeling everyone as “cis”. However, the way we fix this isn’t to just decide we get to apply whatever label/descriptor to someone we want.

If someone hasn’t clarified or specified their gender (and you can’t/it isn’t a good or safe idea to ask them), it’s the safest bet to go by what they seem to be majority being called or what you can find of them referring to themself as.

In some cases, when someone seems to be specifically avoiding labeling themselves or uncomfortable with labeling themselves, it may be most comfortable for you to also avoid labeling them just as much as possible.

being ok with his friends referring to him with she/her, miss, ‘sue’ instead of ‘harry’, and sis; his obsession with babies and especially wanting to get pregnant; relating himself only to female artists; etc.)

It’s worth considering - is this something for friends only? Or is it open to fans and other public sectors?

Usually if something is for friends only, it’ll be kept out of public eye, but if only friends are doing this, is this something that is only being shared with you or is it something you’re entitled to as well?

Aaaaaaaaalso, it has to be pointed out that it’s binarist and cisnormative in it’s own way to equate different names/pronouns automatically with being trans or being a specific trans identity. Wanting to get pregnant? Do you know how many cis women I’ve heard go on and on about wanting a penis so they can pee standing up (like... all of them anytime we’re outside or camping)? Plenty of cis people use pronouns you might not expect! You don’t have to be trans/nonbinary to use multiple or ‘atypical’ pronouns. Cis people are allowed to use other pronouns as well! They’re allowed to have names typically associated with other genders! Not all gender nonconforming or genderqueer people/people queering gender are trans! Not everybody exploring their gender nor gender presentation is trans!

not to assume he’s cis as he never specified that

It’s great to not assume someone is cis! But that doesn’t automatically make them trans.

i don’t want to misgender anyone but i don’t understand why relating to someone who, from their actions, could be part of the community is wrong.

Do you specifically, absolutely need to gender someone in order to relate to them?

i don’t understand why people keep shutting down the idea the harry could be trans when he never said he was cis and was ok being referred to as she.

I’ve only recently seen a tiny bit of this ‘discourse’ around on twitter, but what I see is a few issues/points:

A) It’s not up to us to claim someone as trans if they have not come out as trans. Coming out is an extremely personal choice and should be up to each individual. “Claiming” them is basically dragging them into something that very well may be not theirs. And if it is theirs, why would you want to steal that moment of getting to determine and declare that away from them?

B) We are all so done with cis, able-bodied white folk being prioritized above the rest of the queer community!!! There are actual, legitimate, out trans people that can be your trans role models and they’re being shoved to the back of the closet in favor of a privileged, white Schrödinger’s Trans. Let’s uplift our actual community instead of getting stuck on someone who may or may not be a part of community - and may not even want to be a part of it!

All that being said, I do want to say something really quickly on Harry himself because it ties back into the assumptions we’ve been talking about. Harry’s sexuality has long been a question on fans and journalists minds, and Harry has pretty consistently made it clear that he’s not really interested in labels or boxes. Harry’s gender is not something that has been asked about, talked about, or answered on much. And his comment on masculinity and femininity? Let’s remember that, like pronouns, masculinity and femininity don’t automatically or inherently relate to one specific gender or not. And, quite frankly, it is faucet of toxic masculinity and cissexism to equate a gnc man/man in a dress with being trans. Men are allowed to wear dresses and makeup and heels! Men are allowed to be soft and nurturing and to cry! Cis or trans, men are allowed to be these things, and arguing that they’re trans simply for doing or being any of these does continue to enforce dangerous and strict views of the gender binary.

Okay, it feels like I kinda put you through the wringer, so I want to go back and reiterate: it is 100% valid to relate to and feel connected to/inspired by someone on the basis of their presentation and gender exploration. It is not valid to claim ownership over their identity because of this. It is possible for two people to experience same or similar things and yet come to different conclusions about themselves!

If Harry Styles as an icon is important to you, I’m glad you can have that! But not everyone will or has to share your connection, and the only one actually qualified to speak on Harry’s gender is Harry himself. Harry could be trans, but it’s his right and his right only to claim that label. Any assuming we do is just that: an assumption. And I want you to be careful with your own feelings getting too attached to the image of Harry you’ve built up in your own head only to potentially have them shattered if Harry decides to speak on things and it turns out his feelings don’t mean what you thought.

Your identity is valid regardless of how Harry Styles feels or identifies. You feeling validated and seen and represented by Harry’s actions is valid regardless of how Harry Styles feels or identifies. It’s great to have role models and be inspired by people, but remember that at the end of the day, you need to be able to rely on yourself to keep up your ego and determine your sense of self.

~Pluto

#long post #mod pluto #identity #role models #discourse #gender #gender binary #cisnormativity #cissexism #mod tera #Anonymous

[bakedbananners]

hi, i needed advice. so after i read your qpr fierrochase fic, i sorta felt like i relate a lot with those feelings, plus the fact that i have a crush on my best friend which i don't completely think is romantic.. so i wanted to ask you how you found out you were aro, and what you think are romantic feelings?

Hi! Glad my fic could resonate with you!!

Ok this ask got really long I’m so sorry lol 😭

Aromanticism is kinda hard to get a gauge on because it’s like describing a lack of something. I really couldn’t tell you what romantic feelings are, because I don’t feel them at all. Ive seen people say it’s like describing certain scents when you have no sense of smell, or counting turtles in a pond that doesn’t have any. Though, I’m aromantic and asexual, so my experiences are also different to someone who is aromantic but allosexual, or who is gray- or demi- romantic, etc. I do suggest going through some online resources, if you’d like! This ask has a lot of useful ones! And this list plus anything else on @arospecawarenessweek is very educational.

When I was first figuring out my identity, I ran across this checklist and found a lot of things that resonated with me. It seems this happens with a lot of online aro-specs 😂. I’d say this is when I really had the “oh shit this is an THING?” feeling lol. I also figured it out after learning I was ace, which softened the impact of the revelation, because I was already feeling that absence for sexual attraction, and applied it to romance.

Before then, I was going with biromantic because I thought “well I feel the same about dating anyone, so I guess that fits”, but that same feeling was honestly just total indifference, haha. A thought I usually had when contemplating dating a person was “would anything be different to how it is now? Would I enjoy those differences? Do I want that?” So like, thinking about a friend, I would wonder if I wanted to do anything typically romantic, like go on dates or kiss them, try to impress them, hold their hand, etc. did I think about them often and did I focus on anything that’s unique about them? Stuff like that. The answer was usually no. Aside from friends, I really didn’t even entertain the thought of being intimately involved with strangers in any capacity.

That’s not to say I don’t “romanticize” things in my life. I enjoy fictional romance because it’s fun and exciting! Slow burn romance is my fave because of the tension of it, the character dynamics, stuff like that! I end up romanticizing things in the “Ghibli” way, too (warrants its own essay tbh) like looking at nature and sunsets and human kindness and innovation. Finding beauty in every facet of the natural world, accepting it, feeling intrigue and curiosity about it, etc, is probably my closest approximation to how people feel romantic and mushy about others. There’s a misconception that aromantic are cold, distant, apathetic people, and that’s really not true lol.

There’s a lot of overlap between platonic and romantic stuff anyways, so it’s understandable that figuring this out is confusing. Queerplatonic attraction and relations are also their own beast to wrestle with. I’ve experienced that before, and its reflected in my fanfic a lot! Feeling your chest swell with lightness, feeling a deep and loving comfort and security, wanting to be intimate in a “secret-sharing” way, etc. Allos can feel this way, too! You can liken it to what people usually call a “bromance” XD.

The aromantic spectrum is very diverse in terms of culture, race and ethnicity, gender, and sexuality, and everyone’s experiences are individual. If you don’t resonate with mine, that’s totally fine! I think a lot of people have a fear of identifying a certain way and then changing it later (bc I was a bit scared of that too) but the aspec community is very welcoming if you feel a place is here for you, and you can leave or change if or whenever you’d like. 😁 💚🤍🖤

#tysm for this ask shdbfjdndk #I do enjoy talking about this stuff even though it ends up getting convoluted #aromanticism #aromantic #me talking #ask

[ineffable-endearments]

Okay. Now I'm going to submit some theories about how I think Crowley and Aziraphale specifically are going to go in the future of Good Omens.

Again, this post is not really...specific theorizing about plot events. It's big-picture stuff.

With that said, this post will get a bit heavy at times, in the sense that it will contain opinions that not everyone will like. It drifted into rambling about queerbaiting and all that stuff. I'm not going to spam anyone's dashboard with drama over it, but it's very possible someone else might try. It's also not really a negative post, depending on what you want to hear, I suppose. But if you're only in the mood to read fluff today, you'll probably want to pass it up.

Oh! Also it's very long, and sexuality is discussed in a vague way that doesn't involve any story elements or body parts.

For starters, I don't think Good Omens 2 - or even 3, if that comes about - is going to have anything explicitly sexual or romantic between the two of them, where "explicit" is things like the characters giving outright definitions of their relationship or outright discussing exactly what goes on between them, either on or off-screen. I also don't think there's going to be kissing or "hooking up" (come on...that person on Twitter shouldn't have even asked). Those actions are too blatant for what Neil has already said about the series. While they technically leave some room for interpretation, they probably don't leave enough.

I DO think it's quite possible other characters will continue to define the relationship FOR them and Crowley and Aziraphale will continue to not deny it.

As far as the queerbaiting debate, "is Good Omens queerbaiting"...it's gonna depend how you define it. I always learned that queerbaiting was basically where the creators intentionally make it look like a character is gay or otherwise queer but then swap that character development out for a cis identity and hetero relationship at the end. The point is that the "bait" leads to queer audiences being actively hurt. That's the behavior that seems awful to me, and I don't see Neil and company doing that.

However, I think it's far and away the most likely option that it will be left up to interpretation whether Crowley and Aziraphale are, you know, a buddy duo or a romantic couple or some sort of ineffable queerness all their own off-screen. So if your definition of queerbaiting is "the characters seem gay to us, but homophobes can tell themselves they're not," then yes, I think that debate will follow us to our graves if we let it.

I am a cisgender, possibly straight (?? demi/bi? I might never find out) woman. There is absolutely no way I could ever tell anybody, ESPECIALLY not gay guys and nonbinary people - the people Crowley and Aziraphale tend to resemble the most - how to feel about their treatment in the story. All I can offer is that I'm one flawed individual and there are things I have the emotional capacity to handle and things I don't. Crowley and Aziraphale as both a canon construct and a fandom pairing mean an absurd amount to me, and I can't hang around in spaces where people are constantly talking about how my own interpretations of them are not enough, or how the story is written with ill intentions. I don't want to stop anybody from venting about it, but I am going to be removing myself from those situations.

I like to imagine 1990 NeilandTerry, or TerryandNeil, as a sort of two-headed God who came up with Crowley and Aziraphale, set them loose on Creation, and now are watching them get up to way more ridiculous stuff in the brains of their fans than they'd ever imagined in the first place. I like to imagine them watching, amused and bemused, as their creations fall in love in thousands of universes, and saying, "Well, we didn't specifically Plan for this, but we did promise free will."

This is psychoanalytical toward a public figure and is therefore a bit dangerous, so please take it with an entire mountain of salt, but I sometimes think perhaps Neil sees some of his and Terry's friendship in Crowley and Aziraphale, and suspect that he wants to reserve the possibility that they could be platonic because he and Terry were platonic, while at the same time leaving room for the fans to have their own interpretations, too. Because if there's one thing that comes up really frequently with Neil, it's his belief in imagination and how much stories matter to people. He can have his little corner of the universe where A and C reflect himself and Terry, and we can have...literally anything we want, as long as we're willing to extrapolate just a little bit from canon. It's not even that much extrapolation! It's just "Yes, they love each other, so what exactly does love mean to you?" and if love means kissing, well then, if we can think it, we can have it.

Given that Neil has written LGBT+ characters before, I think he has non-bigoted reasons for wanting Aziraphale and Crowley to remain undefined, and given even the small chance that those reasons may involve the grieving process for a dead friend, I believe it is unkind to argue with him about it or hold his reputation hostage over it.

With that said, do I want canon kissing/hooking up/all that stuff we put in fics? Listen, I can't deny that I do! Personally, I'd be over the moon. I'd probably be so happy I'd have to go to the hospital to get sorted out. Even the thought of it makes me giddy and light-headed, because that physicality is a part of my own experience of love.

However, there are a lot of people who would feel left behind if that happened. Ace and aro people in the fandom whose love for their friends and partners is just as strong as mine, but who are sex-repulsed or just don't want to see kissing on-screen. The loss of Crowley and Aziraphale as a pairing who are extremely easy to interpret as queerplatonic would be hurtful to them, and I do not want to see them hurt like that. I don't think Neil does, either.

So, once again, the "best for everyone" option becomes a really strong canon relationship based in both narrative function and profound affection, which has genuinely thoughtful queer undertones and leaves open the logical possibility for romantic or sexual encounters but does not insist that they must happen. People, especially fans who are super invested, tend to have an easier time imagining scenarios that take place off-screen (e.g. kissing, sex) than they have erasing scenarios that they've already seen in canon (e.g., if someone wished they could continue viewing it as an ace relationship but they were shown "hooking up"). Also, while relationships are super emotional and extremely subjective, I'd argue that in a long-term adult partnership, the non-sexual connection is more important than the sexual one. As a fan, I'd prefer to extrapolate "they love each other so maybe they'd have sex" rather than "they're sexually attracted to each other so maybe they'll intertwine their whole existences together."

It probably isn't necessary to add, but I will anyway: I'm aware that Good Omens is sort of sacrificing social leverage - the ability to whack homophobes over the head with canon if they try to deny the show's queerness - and is thus not really contributing to making specifically gay relationships more widely seen and accepted. However, I don't think all stories have to invest heavily in every social issue they touch on for them to still be meaningful. I also do think Good Omens is an excellent example of a relationship that is extremely profound without being heteronormative.

I don't think the next season is going to be a rom-com. It will likely not even be a "love story," where the definition of "love story" is "a story that follows the development of a relationship and employs certain plot beats to make its point." Remember that conflicts and breakups are key to love stories, so if it IS a love story, then we're going to have to watch the relationship get challenged in ways some of us might have thought were already resolved in season 1! And while that could be thrilling and ultimately very good, it would also be likely to undercut some of the careful headcanoning and analysis we've already done. Any sequel is going to do that to some degree, but a second love story would probably do it a lot, with interpretations that people are even more protective of.

I'm sort of thinking the next season is likely to be a fantasy-heavy mystery, only because those are the two concepts Neil's introduction led with - an angel with amnesia who presents Crowley and Aziraphale with a mystery. Crowley and Aziraphale's connection to each other can still absolutely be a major theme! It can still be the thread stitching the plot together! It just probably, in my opinion, won't escalate and escalate and escalate like it did in season 1. And it will probably be woven in there among a lot of other plot threads that are, in many moments, louder. Still, I'd love to be left with the impression of these two existences, the light and the dark, subtly becoming more intimate, subtly growing more comfortable in this shared place they've chosen in the universe, gradually starting to behave like they know they aren't alone in the world anymore, all while other things happen to and around them.

Nonsexual physical intimacy - a really great hug, or leaning together on the sofa, or a forehead touch, or something like those, something that could happen in a lot of different kinds of relationships but is undoubtedly based in deep trust and affection and a desire to be close...that's the dream, for me. Oh, how lovely it would be.

Of course, I could be just absolutely, embarrassingly wrong about all this. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

[mudwingpropaganda]

(Princess) Kinkajou of the RainWings

I want to believe that Kinkajou is actually a biological descendant of Grandeur, but it doesn’t truly matter because she was supporting Glory for the throne and heritage does not equal merit. Kinkajou is fascinating character who took so many punches yet shes never properly thanked or appreciated for them? I think Kinkajou ought to be more painfully optimistic. As a partial foil to Sunny. She’s not optimistic because she NEEDS to be the one keeping the group optimistic. Kinkajou remains happy because of somewhat emotionally stunting double standards in the RainWing queendom and the act that tears only get you so far. Confidence and energy is what people respond to.

Kinkajou deserves so much more than what canon gave her. Tui might have said “her story is over,” but I seriously disagree. Let’s open her book in the first place.

Design headcanons

I may have leaned a tad far into the idea of her design being physically representational of my ideas for her, but let’s just say these are her comfort colors. The default! They spontaneously flicker with pink and yellow patterns but her default is a banana yellow and bright pink combination, with intruding grey scales on the edge of her torso. (I imagine her underbelly is also similarly melting into pink colors, as her wings are. I just didn’t have the foresight while drawing this.)

I referenced a kinkajou in designing Kinkajou! As a result, her paws seem a little too big for her and she has little ears as opposed to Glory’s more serpentine/bird appearance. Kinkajou’s frill is an example of a feathered RainWing that have plumage similar to a bird of paradise that is also susceptible to the color changing pigmentation.

Her eyes are a striking jungle green, the most natural color on her.

I believe that her time under the NightWing’s grasp definitely should have a more visual representation on her. It may be exaggerated but... art is such. She retains indents where cuffs and chains essentially squeezed on her scales and snout. Her scales tend to dull and turn grey if she is not consciously keeping control over these body parts, yet she has more trouble changing the color of her afflicted indents. 

Her wing is illustrated with the venom wound she suffered from the accident she had in the Queen competition. Her wings struggled to fold back into her sides after the event and regardless if she had these scars removed or not through “magic,” she finds it awkward trying to put her wings back.

I imagine she had more of a full mane of plumage in store, but due to the stress on the island, they struggle to grow healthily behind her ears. 

A personal headcanon of mine is the most noticable circular scales on a RainWing is the clearest indicator of their current emotions. Glory’s was an angry red-orange. Kinkajou’s tends to default, like her indents, to a grey if she doesn’t pay attention. A numbness.

Miscellaneous thoughts

Kinkajou could have been a fascinating case study about the flaws of the RainWings’ lifestyle. Rather than their flaws being a foolish, uneducated, lazy tribe, the RainWings could have been at fault for putting too much trust in their young, making subjects feel obligated to put on a happy face, and their violently isolationist tendencies. Dragonets may be obligated to reach out to adults for help if they need it, not the other way around. That’s why she self isolated to personally focus on her venom practice lest infuriate Bromeliad further. It’s why she maintains a bright yellow and pink coloration rather than subject other dragons to her emotions. It’s why Kinkajou never quite thought she would be able to escape the NightWing island. 

When she was young, Queen Grandeur also realized that Kinkajou was one of her own descendants, making Kinkajou a princess. Grandeur may have been the only one concerned catching wind that Kinkajou went missing, but her perception of RainWings as lazy beings was a personal bias that took away any sympathy she had for her offspring, assuming the dismissals were true that she simply went lost in the woods.

Kinkajou’s upbringing really affected her! She begins dropping her ideals of being an ideal RainWing due to her trauma chipping away at her. Especially the fact that she now realizes the extents of what the Queen, her friend, Glory, goals mean when it comes to a symbiotic shared queendom between the RainWings and those who experimented on her for months, or maybe even longer, until Glory finally took action. 

Kinkajou retains scars from the NightWing island, both physical and mentally. Scars from her bonds and greying scales from a jarring transfer from a flourishing environment to something significantly harmful for her body and color shifting scales. And aside from that, she developed PTSD from the events on the island. Between nightmares, the occasional flashback if someone jostles her... she herself has compartmentalized the experience so she herself doesn’t fully remember the events of the island. But she remembers things at extremely inconvenient times. Especially around NightWings.

Her friendship with Moonwatcher was initially based on the mental note she makes that Moonwatcher isn’t a “real NightWing.” Originally, Queen Glory asked that Kinkajou, as her friend, made the effort to connect with NightWings attending the school, which panicked her. But Moonwatcher didn’t have anything to do with it. In fact, she spent as much time and she did in the rainforest! If not, more. And there’s an envy that Moon never faced any of the ugliness of the NightWings! But a disconnect that maintains their friendship. It isn’t until they begin to bond on their across the world adventure that they begin to trust each other outside of the fact that they were supposed to. It’s difficult! Of course! Especially when Chameleon (another great victim of the RainWing culture), taking the form of Shapeshifter to incapacitate her. Yet it was Moon’s face that greeted her when she woke from her coma. Who had been by her side intent on her recovery. 

A lot of what Kinkajou does is to try and reinstate normality and an environment she finally feels comfortable in, essentially! She feels out of touch with other RainWing dragonets, not enough to be around them, and inevitably confides her self worth mostly to the Jade Winglet, as they don’t know what a RainWing is supposed to be like. She assigns a crush to Winter to make her childhood feel more normal, even if she doesn’t really feel it. 

Kinkajou has internalized a LOT of the shit that was thrown at her. To the point where she doesn’t consciously recognize that she’s been putting on a happy face for so long, aside when she needs to put her scales back in their classic pink and yellow. Even when Moon sees her mind, she struggles to recognize if those thoughts really belong to her or not, assuming the ash and glow of lava is that of a NightWings’, not hers. 

Queen Glory is the main dragon that teaches her how to read. Her and Moonwatcher were both somewhat or basically illiterate when they started their educations. But are both are passionate about literature. Where Kinkajou becomes an avid writer and attempts to to become a journalist for kingdom specific and international news for the continent! She assists Starflight in the library of Jade Mountain occasionally. But she also helps establish libraries and such in the Rain Forest! She helps Glory develop an education system that doesn’t sacrifice culture for secular curriculum.

LGBT+ headcanons

I would say that Kinkajou is a questioning genderqueer individual and still uses she/her pronouns but is growing partial to neutral they/them and doesn’t object to other terms used to address her. She is generally flexible with how she is perceived as long as she is perceived respectfully.

Kinkajou is also panromantic but also on the aro and ace spectrums! She muses the idea of finding a partner eventually, but finds platonic relationships easier to establish and grow than the prospect of a romantic one. Like how she simply plays with the idea of Winter being her crush for the sake of personal normalcy in her childhood and, honestly, Anemone’s little innocent emotional manipulation spell? Yeah. That never happened. Kinkajou’s oblivious to Turtle’s feelings. Attractions fly RIGHT over her head, from others or her own self. She also may have queer platonic partners perhaps? I don’t make the rules. Love is love! uwu

#wingsoffire #wings of fire #wof #kinkajou wof #wof kinkajou #wof rainwing #rainwings #wof redesign #sebastiowu #enigmew

[kimyoonmiauthor]

Gender

Lower engagement, but higher personal satisfaction... let’s go for that.

How I define my gender.

I’ve never really been 100% committed to being a woman.

https://www.quora.com/How-do-I-know-I-am-cisgender-Ive-heard-some-cis-people-do-question-their-gender-and-Im-trying-to-tell-whether-Im-trans-or-one-of-these-cases Taking the questions from here... it would split this way: Gender dysphoria- when I was younger, a little. Gender Euphoria- never. Gender Politics (beyond basic empathy for others)- Oh fuck no. I don’t get why so many, particularly cis men are hung up on men must wear pants and not pink. I *do* look for women in history, but it’s more like a solidarity and hating erasure of marginalized groups and celebrating those marginalized groups. So political one way, but not particularly on the philosophical performance part. I also tend to spend a lot of time on things I don’t understand.

“Do you feel equally comfortable in men and women’s fashion, only noticing the practical differences?” Pretty much. If you give me a man’s suit I’d wear it. I had no issues with playing as a man for a skit.

 Are you basically ambivalent about makeup? 50/50. Sometimes I do care and do it for “funsies” but most of the time I don’t care because I don’t like “woman as object and consumerism.”

“Do you ‘play along’ when someone tells you what your assignment should be doing, but also don’t really care?”

Pretty much true. Like I was told girls aren’t supposed to like dirt. Screw that. girls aren’t supposed to like sports. I was like screw that. Girls aren’t supposed to like bugs. So what?

I did tend to read more women-led fiction over men’s fiction, but that’s mostly because men’s fiction has “gems” that sexualize women in ways that made me squirm. Cis het men’s writing about women usually piss me off, so I usually don’t try. And I’m all about the fairness. (But also note I’m gray-aro and read a crapton of romance, so who knows how that all works. I’m also gray-a and read a crapton of romance, though not sex repulsed (more like somewhere between sex neutral and receptive? I rated myself a 6-7... on a 0-9 scale.)) Gender tests I’ve taken: 50/50. Usually get something like demi-boy or demi girl. Though I don’t really have that much dysphoria. I do occasionally feel pissed off about my sex presentation, but that’s not really dysphoria as in I hate my body parts actively. It’s more like, why do I have to bother with it? It’s so much work to have to worry in the first place.

When you look in the mirror, do you feel like there’s nothing that really needs to be changed?

This one is more like why do I have to care so much? I feel gender fucked. Like why do I have to go through the steps?

Are you happy with your hair, your chest, the shape of your face?

50/50 on this one.

Aside from maybe wanting to bulk up, wash your hair, or lose a few pounds, are you generally pleased with your appearance?

I give no shits?

Do you appreciate your genitals?

75%/25% appreciation/hate. Sometimes I hate they exist.

Do you like the idea of using them in sex or to make a baby?

This is more like my ace side, I think, but meh? Take it or leave it.

Do they make you feel connected to other people with the same genitals socially, such as complaining about periods, or talking about dick length?

Not really. I’m more like why do you care so fucking much? But I’m not sure how much this is an ace thing.

Do you feel like even if you don’t use them, it’s comfortable just having them around?

Sometimes, not always. Might also be an ace thing.

If you were in a social group of only your assigned gender, would you be happy with it?

Not always. I don’t evaluate that way. Trans people are cool. I pick usually by belief systems and who the person is, morally.

Would it be fairly easy to communicate and find things in common?

I feel ambivalent sometimes towards other women, especially when they go off on tangents about mall shopping, clothes, etc. I feel the same about men talking about watching sports and warfare.

Would you feel harmonious and homogeneous with the group, if the individuals had personalities you liked?

Meh? I also listen to people I don’t like.

If you took away all the physical features that made up your assignment, what gender are you now? Where does that feeling come from?

I’m still me. I don’t care.

If you got to choose your gender upon reincarnation, what would you pick?

Flip a coin. Roll a dice. I don’t give a fuck.

If a wizard changed your sex permanently, would you be pissed or excited?

Meh. Don’t care.

What gender characters do you generally play in RPGs, and what options do you wish were more frequently available?

I’ve generally played women, given no other options besides binary, but also moonlighted as men, but then felt sick because male privilege.

“Do I FEEL like my assigned gender?”*

Shrugs. Not that committed. If you got an all-expenses paid trip to womanhood spa central, and became a socially idealized version of yourself, THEN would you feel like a woman? 

No. I oscillate between liking make up for the pure knowledge of it, and not giving a fuck. I’ve never understood the hours of make up, hair performance, etc.

As a child, I was the type that wanted to be good at *everything* and was upset that my Dad wouldn’t give me the time of day for “masculine” things. I was *also* good at figuring things out. I *also* wanted to be good at sports. I *also* like girly things occasionally. I wanted it all and didn’t see why my brother or me got compliments for different things and felt deep insult when I couldn’t do that too and also get compliments for it. (If you’re imagining an annoying precocious child--that’s about right) I don’t see the point of the gender construct when it re-enforces ideas of genders can do only certain things, when it’s never been proven true. So why are people so effing committed to performing it? I wear hanbok. I’ll wear a male one. I’ll make an androgynous one. I wear those without issue. I’ll cross dress if I like, because I don’t really see the point and European and European-derived defined genders as fucked in the first place. What is this men==violence and horses thing? What is this women==weakness and capitalism thing? I don’t get it. And why do I have to wear European-derived clothes in the first place? Plus from my academic study of gender and gender history, that just cemented for me how fucked up the White European and White European diaspora is about gender in the first place and I feel even less committed to it. I do perform usually more like a woman than a man, but it’s more like whatever is convenient, rather than an absolute commitment to the role. ‘cause you know, my gender is my least concern here, (probably along with ace aro) while not quite hating on it. I wear my hair long, because money and I don’t feel like cutting it very often and I like to be able to keep it out of my food, as well.

I don’t mind masculine pronouns in theory, because whatever floats your boat. But I do care if you think foreign name==men, because that’s giving into masculine hegemony and that is rude to other people unlike me who might be more committed to their genders, and that I definitely care about.

#gender #gender identity

[sepublic]

LGBTQIA+ in Bionicle: RaE

To celebrate the beginning of Pride Month, I figured I may as well briefly delve into the subject of LGBTQIA+ in Bionicle: RaE! And before anyone gets riled up over me ‘changing’ things from the previous lore, don’t worry! I have a permit;

(Also this is Bionicle: Redone and Expanded, it’s a fan-work so chill)

With that out of the way...

On Okoto, queer identity is a completely normal facet of everyday life. There has been no known, recorded instance of bigotry, because why would there be? People are people, and they freely explore their sexualities as they choose.

Being Trans and exploring one’s pronouns is frequent on Okoto. I’ve talked before about how Okoto’s Mask Culture favors the idea of making one’s own identity, creating a new ‘face’ for oneself, one you can actually choose and decide. To Okotans, one’s personal Mask that they make for themselves is more reflective of their personhood and identity than their actual physical face, because it’s something you craft for yourself and decide. Similarly, I imagine Naming Day -which I haven’t figured out the full details for- goes hand-in-hand with this idea of recreating one’s identity, of undergoing a rebirth of sorts.

Now obviously, a culture that prizes discovering yourself, reforging your own identity, sometimes even completing reinventing one’s identity; That’s a very trans-friendly narrative! A lot of people figure themselves out when crafting their personal masks, which tend to go through multiple revisions and versions. Naming Day is a way to come out and solidify and explore one’s new identity, at least for now; Nothing is set in stone! Of course, by that logic, genderfluid identities are also welcomed and appreciated!

On another note, I suppose the subject of one’s physical face and how an individual treats it varies, the way Trans individuals may feel about their own dead names and personalities. Some want to leave it behind and forget entirely, while others are pretty casual about referencing it as a past, outdated thing. Any option is totally valid! Nobody judges in Okoto. By the end of the day, Okotans value the concept of Identity, especially a self-chosen one, very much. Consequently, it’s seen as the epitome of disrespect to disregard someone’s chosen identity and bring up a past name or face of theirs in the process; It’s an incredibly petty, lowly, and grave insult, akin to spitting on someone’s personal mask or destroying it, or insulting a person’s family bloodline. Not even Makuta would stoop so low, so... To anyone who misgenders...

Don’t be worse than the narcissist who literally experimented on people.

During the Creation Age, if one wanted to have sex-reassignment surgery, it was pretty easy thanks to Masks of Power and other Life Automatons. Masks of Healing combined with surgical work can do the job. In particular, the Mask of Control was very efficient at helping trans individuals change their bodies if desired; Keep in mind that contrary to the legends, Ekimu and Makuta actually wore the Masks of Creation and Control interchangeably. Later towards the Creation Age, the two began to become more familiar one of the two, but generally speaking, there was no restriction. If you wanted a quick change, just pop over to Ekimu or Makuta, whoever had the Mask of Control, and ask!

On Xia, the general attitudes towards queer identities is essentially the exact same; It may be a horrific, industrial landscape... But there’s no reason to be bigoted. There’s no basis to it, there’s nothing to gain.

Unfortunately for Trans individuals on Xia, sex-reassignment surgery is far more difficult to have access to. Again, this is not out of any stigma towards trans people, but rather because Xian healthcare in general is so ridiculously expensive that everyone is screwed over. The Trans experience on Xia isn’t fun, because... Any experience on that cursed island isn’t fun.

Now, onto fun facts about the cast; Specifically, several characters’ sexuality and/or identities! I’d call them headcanons, but technically I’m the writer who decides what comes and goes in RaE, so really they’re just... canons.

Tahu- Is one of the most pansexual people out there. He’s a social butterfly that loves and grooves with just about anyone, and he’ll flirt readily- Provided those he’s flirting with are comfortable. He’ll back off if he can sense discomfort, and he makes sure to only do this when the situation is appropriate. As a person with basic morals, personal autonomy and consent is much-respected by Tahu.

Gali- Questioning, both in-universe and from a writer’s perspective. RaE Gali is a character who’s busy figuring a LOT of stuff out regarding her identity and role as a Toa.

Pohatu- He’s Gay, no ifs, ands, or buts.

Onua- Aromantic ace! She doesn’t quite get the idea of sexual attraction or romance, but it’s intriguing to quietly observe from an outsider’s perspective nonetheless!

Kopaka- Pan, but with a particular disposition towards big, buff people. 

Lewa- Also Pan, he’s pretty open to a lot of people and loves very freely and compassionately. (Of course, that isn’t to say that non-Pan people, such as aces or aros, don’t have compassion; Onua is a just person after all! It’s just that with Lewa’s very friendly and outreaching nature, it makes a lot of sense to me for him to be open to just about any possible relationship.)

On another note, the Protectors of Jungle and Water, Vizuna and Kivoda, are both non-binary and go by They/Them pronouns! Initially I grappled with deciding which one to make NB, but then it occurred to me that the more there is, the merrier! Likewise, Takua is a trans woman!

Generally speaking, assume most characters are pansexual. There are the occasional exceptions I know for certain, such as Harvali and Vira- They’re lesbians. On another fun note, if a character’s gender in RaE doesn’t match the one they had in the source material, there’s at least a 75% chance that they’re Trans! I haven’t decided on all of them exactly, but for now, it’s safe to assume that they’re probably Trans!

Any Trans Individuals or others of queer identity are free to give input on how I can contribute to, change, or update this kind of worldbuilding! I may be queer, but I’m still no expert in queer identities, and I welcome the feedback, corrections, and experiences of others- Diversity IS the spice of life! LGBTQIA+ asks about RaE are also welcome as well, as are suggestions on representation that I can include!

#bionicle #Bionicle RaE #pride month #pride #lgbtqia #trans rights #aroace #nonbinary #sexuality #lore #worldbuilding #naming day #okoto

[airagorncharda]

About My Blog:

Name: Nate Age: 29 (I’m bad at updating this, I was born in 1990) Pronouns: he/him/his.

It’s been ages since I’ve updated any sort of info about myself or my blog, oops.

Dfab nb trans guy, genderfluid. On the aro/ace spectrum. Queer. Gay. Neuroatypical (ADHD among other things; possibly dyslexia or else it’s just my ADHD that makes reading The Worst). I have chronic pain. I’m chubby. 

Privilege: I’m white, I grew up with financial security while I lived with my parents, I live in a liberal area of New England in the USA, I am able-bodied, I can pass as neurotypical. If I make false assumptions or fuck up because of any of these things please call me on it. I will do my utmost not to make this necessary, and to listen if it should ever be necessary.

I blog about social justice, social issues, whatever fandom I’m currently hyperfixated on, DnD, and plenty of other stuff.

My views have evolved since I started blogging, so if you go far enough back in my blog you’ll find posts that I no longer agree with.

I use my “likes” as storage for things I want to respond to later, or save to my computer when I’m on the mobile app, or research more thoroughly before reblogging when I have time/attention, etc. Do not assume I agree with everything in my likes. View my likes with caution.

I’m a writer and an illustrator, and am a Personal Care Assistant to a really cool lady. I play a lot of DnD and I love my dnd group. I’ve been in a relationship with one of my best friends since we were 15. We are engaged, live together, play video games and DnD, and have cats.

I post my thoughts here. I post my art here. These are my cats. This is my face.

I am not always right. I am still learning.

Do not cite me as an expert or trust my implicitly. I am happy to give my thoughts on and discuss any issue, and I do try to research my points before I make them, but I am not an authority.

My ask box is always open. I will respond privately if you ask me to. If I respond publicly I will tag it with your URL so you can find it easily (unless you ask me not to). I tag all asks with “ask” and all anons with “ask” and “anon”. If you send me an ask and I don’t respond it might be because Tumblr ate it, and I never received it, or because I have ADHD and sometimes I forget to respond to things. In either case feel free to send the ask again. I do not consider this rude.

—

I am careful to always tag for things like racism, transphobia, ableism, etc., as well as death, blood, horror cops, spiders, etc., so people can blacklist them.

I am usually happy to add to this list if you have a phobia or trigger and need me to, just ask. If for some reason I’m uncomfortable tagging a particular subject, I will not be offended if you unfollow me (I’ll also just NEVER be offended by that; you do you)

Some navigation help for my blog:

current events - this tag is reserved for whatever the most recent important (and awful) thing happens to be.

Disney’s Frozen - this tag is referencing all of the problems with that movie (the first one), including general discussion about the sexism in how women are animated. It accidentally became my “misogyny in animation” tag, sorry!

Statistics - this tag is for all posts with specific statistics about social injustice.

real talk - this tag is for short posts that I feel most clearly and succinctly summarize issues of social injustice.

Boost - any post that involves petitions, fund raisers, sales, or other things I want people to not only see but interact with.

Fandoms:

I’ve been in fandom for a long time. I’m here to have fun, and am not comfortable with the current online purity culture of throwing shame at people who enjoy harmless things that you don’t. Fandom is not always about what we wish was real or canon; sometimes it’s about the opposite of that on purpose. 

I’m a polyshipper and a multishipper, though I definitely have OTPs and sometimes don’t enjoy seeing those pairs with other people. This is personal preference, and not a judgment on others. 

I try to stay out of fandom discourse and mainly reblog art I like. Occasionally, though, I do reblog criticism of fandom specific bigotry. 

Just because I reblog stuff from a particular fandom doesn’t mean I necessarily like everything about the piece of media, where/who it came from, or the direction it went. I value fandom because of the power to make the stories we’re given into the stories we wish we’d been given, AND the power to turn stories we love into whatever we’re vibing with at the moment.

Harry Potter was a formative fandom for me, so despite hating JKR I will still engage with fanworks related to it. I tag anything Harry Potter with “hp”. I tag everything relating to JKR with “fuck you JKR”.

Anything related to Tolkien’s Middle Earth stories is tagged “lotr”, anything about the MCU is tagged “Avengers”, and anything related to Avatar the Last Airbender is tagged “Atla”. 

I tag anything from the Tales of series with “Tale of” as well as their individual game titles. Anything from MOST Fire Emblem games gets lumped together under “Fire Emblem” but Three Houses is “fe3h”. Similarly, Most Final Fantasy games get “Final Fantasy” while 14 gets “ffxiv”.

Other media I particularly love off the top of my head (and their associated tags), or at least that I often reblog about, includes: Critical Role (and CR2), Phoenix Wright, She Ra (tag: “shera”), Saiyuki, Yu Yu Hakusho (tag: “yyh”), Undertale, The Good Place. Mad Max, Naruto, Miraculous Ladybug (tag: “miraculous”), Legend of Zelda (tag: “zelda”)

Personal tags:

My favorite meta (good meta makes the world go ‘round)

My favorite things on this whole damn site (I love this)

Stuff that’s purely positive (decency, and wholesome)

Things that remind me of my friend group (me and mine and ours)

Mron (things that remind me of and inspire me to work on my sci-fi story about androids)

Embalar (things that remind me of and inspire me to work on the fantasy story/video game/dnd homebrew setting I’m actively working on)

The Fog (things that remind me of and inspire me to work on my fairy tale story, which includes mermaids)

recipes

lifehacks

poetry

art refs (specific tags for: costume design, character design, god design, monster design, creature design, hands, feet, muscles, anatomy, facial expressions, hair, body types, clothes, dresses, fat art, etc., and specific tags for mythical creatures: mermaids, centaurs, vampires, demons, dragons, gryphons, sphinxes, harpies, etc.)

art (specific tags for: sculpture, painting, illustration, music, art history, installation art)

books, games, shows, and movies I wish existed (tumblr books)

furniture, appliances, and house stuff that I would love to have the money to have (want)

pretty jewelry that I want but would never wear because I don’t wear jewelry (for my dragon hoard)

–Nate

#this post is going to be linked to at the top of my blog so this info can stop cluttering up my blog #an update I guess

[skylights422]

@ace-and-aro-wlw-positivity created a Q&A for aspec authors/writers, and as an aspec author, I am excited to participate and answer as many of their questions as I can. Under a cut since it became really outrageously long.

1. What was your inspiration for your character(s)? Are they modeled on yourself, a person that you know, or a character that’s already been established?

Typically I’d say my characters are a mix of general inspiration from other stories/characters and then bits and pieces taken from myself. I try not to make any of them like a clone of myself or another character, try to mix it up, possibly with mixed success but that is the goal.

2. How much, if any, has your character(s) changed since they were first created? What caused this change?

Oh wow, okay I have characters I still use from grade school and middle school, and those characters have changed/grown a lot. Most notoriously (to me) though are my two fellas Euphranor and Kadri. I created them while daydreaming in middle school while watching those science videos in class about how I could make a more parody-like version of said videos, Kadri being the energetic and comically sadistic teacher and Euphranor being the constantly irritated and foul-tempered student. The core of their designs and personalities haven’t totally changed (Euph is still a hot-head and Kadri still likes to troll him), but they’ve become far more nuanced as characters as their story become more involved and serious. They’ve also become softer characters, with Euph having a Heart of Gold and Kadri being a bit morally grey but generally compassionate and friendly. I think the cause of this change and others comes from a mix of things, for one I simply got older and what I wanted out my characters changed a bit. But also I think it’s because I spent so much time with those characters in my head that I couldn’t help but develop them more fully, which in turn made me want to give them a good story. Also, everyone is definitely more queer now then how they started, largely because I became more aware and comfortable with my own queer identity and spent more time in queer spaces (though with Euph I actually just realized he had to be gay because I every het relationship I envisioned for him fell totally flat and yet imagining him as having crushes on guys just seemed to work better/make more sense, and that was an earlier decision).

4. Do you intend on publishing your story one day? Why, or why not?

I definitely do! I have many, many stories I want to publish, as books or comics or tv shows or films. I’ve always wanted to publish some of writing since it’s one of my main passions and have always taken inspiration from the stories I consumed. I just love writing and would want to be able to do it as my main career, the key will just be figuring out how to focus on one project long enough to finish it. xD

5. Surprise fact! Give a random fact about your character(s), whether it’s their favorite color, food, or even song!

Euphranor loves to sing! He hums to calm himself down and even full on sings to vent his feelings sometimes. Kadri loves literature and video games, and blackberry pie is his favorite food.

6. Admit it, you have a folder on your computer of the various types of picrews you’ve created for your character(s). Would you mind posting a few (or five)?

*VIBRATES* MY TIME HAS COME. I absolutely have way too many picrews of my fellas so I won’t post them all, just two each for the core four of my main novel project. First, Euphranor:

(yes he is a Hufflepuff)

Kadri:

(also since I dragged the Hogwarts houses into this Kadri is Ravenclaw)

Ena:

(I put her in Gryffindor)

And finally, Fiera:

(Right now I have her in Slytherin. She could also be in Ravenclaw though)

7. Time to get serious for a bit. There’s been heavy debate on having non-human characters identify as ace, aro, non-binary, etc., but never actual humans. As someone who’s aspec, how would you explain to someone who’s allo why this can be and is seen as hurtful?

I mean, as a sci-fi fan I definitely love if the non-human characters are queer coded, but it’s definitely important to include human representation as well, and I think there are a few simple reasons for that. One is that queer people are, in fact, humans, and therefore our stories deserve to be told as they are in reality as well as how they could be in fiction. The other is only writing us as inhuman implies you consider our identities as fictitious or too strange for a human to have, and queer people already have to deal with other forms of erasure and invalidation in real life. (Also, not everyone is a fan of sci-fi/fantasy, and they should still be able to read stories where they can see themselves)

8. It’s a sad reality that many stories in mainstream media don’t have characters that are aspec, not to mention without resorting to harmful stereotypes. Besides there being nothing wrong with IDing as aspec, why did you choose to have your character ID as such? What would you tell other authors who’re interested in writing characters that are aspec, but are afraid of offending the community?

I have a huge list of aspec characters, which definitely started happening more once I was aware of my own asexuality (and later, aromanticism), since I realized that I could make my own aro and ace characters and then just went wild with it lol. It’s also easier for me to write since I can actually draw from personal experience somewhat for it. Beyond representation having aro and ace characters also allows you to explore more facets of human emotions/the human experience, so that’s always fun.

As for how I would advise allies looking to write a-spec characters, my main advice would be to remember that we are an incredibly diverse group of people, and so while no one a-spec character will resonate with every a-spec reader, an a-spec character written in good faith will definitely speak to some of us. Write them as an character first, and when it comes to things like how their attraction does or doesn’t work and what they want out of relationships, figure out what works best for them. Really, if you’re concerned your character would be offensive in some way you can always make a post asking about it, many of us are happy to offer constructive advice and appreciate that someone is wanting to put in the effort to write about our experiences. Reading or listening to anecdotes from an array of a-spec people is also a good way of getting ideas of how to portray us, and there are various resources for that (the tags, AUREA collects anecdotes from arospec individuals, and probably more than I can think of offhand)

9. If you’re comfortable with sharing, what is your characters’ identity? Do they use any microlabels? Does theirs reflect your own?

Unsurprisingly I have many characters who are aroace (Fiera is one of them), and Ena is bisexual and gray-aromantic. Kadri was originally supposed to just be bi/pan but has become increasingly aspec, will they end up gray-aro as well as grey-ace? Will they end up as a pan oriented aroace? I don’t know yet, but they sure are a pan a-spec. My most recent project has exclusively aro-spec protagonists, Valentine is aroace, Cedar is demiromantic, Raelene is cupioromantic, and then Clematis and Hadyn are presently just Aro and might stay that way. My aroace characters are often styled after my own aroace experiences, while other a-spec characters aren’t as much.

11. Why do you think that not just representation is important, but GOOD representation? Can you offer any examples?

Well, I think there are a few ways to make ‘good rep’. There is the ‘this character helps bring awareness/educate about the community’ and then there’s ‘this character just resonates with certain a-spec people a lot’, and the main reason I think it’s important is because rep should be for the people they’re representing. So if rep hurts the community or totally fails to be relatable to anyone who’s actually a-spec, then it missed the whole point and is doing just as much to leave the community feeling left in the dust as no rep. Of course things do get complicated when the community is divided on whether the rep is good or not, which I imagine will be a common occurrence, and many examples of rep probably fall into the grey area between Good and Bad, but generally people should aim to tell stories that will help more than hinder the people you are telling your story about. (Although I also think that the long term end goal is to get to the point where there is enough representation that it doesn’t matter if some of it is ‘bad’ or not, since I feel like that is the true state of normalization, but that is sadly not yet the case)

12. What’s the genre of your most recent story? Do you always write in this genre? If so, what other works do you have? If not, why did you pick it?

My most recent story (with Valentine) is fantasy, inspired by shoujo style anime series like Cardcaptor Sakura, while Euph’s story is more dystopian urban fantasy? His exact genre has shifted around a lot and will probably continue to do so. In general, most of my works are fantasy in some way or another. A few are more sci-fi or horror based, but definitely the majority are fantasy whether that be magical girl type stories, urban fantasy, superheroes, or dark fantasy.

14. What’s a brief biography of your character? Is their history, personality, and/or looks similar to your own?

I’m going to go with Fiera here. The short version of her backstory is that she and her older brother were born to neglectful parents, and while their grandmother was attentive emotionally she also lived far away. Her brother discovered magic, long thought forgotten, but killed himself shortly after, leaving Fiera alone and confused. She then made a point to dedicate herself to studying the theory and history of magic in the hope that she may someday understand why her brother would take his own life so suddenly like that. She has a down to earth personality and is very observant, and has a great deal of ambition and focus for tasks. She naturally has a more lighthearted and curious personality, but has become more somber since the death of her brother. While she always struggled with sustaining personal relationships, it’s only recently she started using her power of observation to be more manipulative and always keep a cool, pleasant demeanor. She has a love for fashion and sewing, as well as an interest in chemistry.

She isn’t really based on me at all backstory or appearance wise, and only slightly takes after me personality wise. Our main similarity is that we both can be quietly observant and don’t tend to get outwardly angry very often, and that we are both aroace. But I am nowhere near as focused as her, am terrible at lies/manipulation, and have different interests. I’m also way more prone to energetic rants and blunt statements than she is.

15. What are the themes of your story? Is it a lighthearted adventure, or are we talking deep, ocean-sized levels of angst? Why, or why not, did you choose them?

The tone of Euph’s story is kind of all over the place due to how often I’ve tweaked it, but there are certainly oceans of angst for all the protagonists. There’s just also decided remnants of the wacky humor from when the story was predominantly a comedy, and a lot more scenes of the characters just relaxing or goofing off than might be typical in a high tension drama adventure. My story with Valentine is generally much more lighthearted, though there will be some deeper moments for character development (and also because I want it to have a slightly gothic vibe, just Because)

16. How long have you been writing? Has your style changed from when you first began to now? What are some tips you’d give to those who’re interested in writing a story of their own, be it professionally or as a hobby?

I’ve been writing in some capacity just about as long as I can remember, and so my style has definitely taken various shifts depending on how old I was and what I was taking as my main inspiration at the time. Sometimes I went for more sarcastic and whimsical narration regardless of the events happening of the story, sometimes I went for a more quick modern-ish style, sometimes I would focus more or less on descriptions or dialogue. I don’t really know where I’m at right now though.

What I would advise to anyone wanting to sit down and write is to be patient and kind with yourself. Nine times out of ten what sounds epic in your head will come out at first as clunky and all over the place. But that is pretty much the whole purpose of first drafts; the clunky first draft crawls so the second draft may walk so the third draft may walk a little faster so the final draft may run. The other thing I would advise is to absolutely experiment, and see what works best for you. There is every kind of writing advice out there imaginable, much of it contradictory, so really you just have to mess around with styles and perspective and dialogue and see what happens, which stuff you liked and which stuff you didn’t.

17. What’s your process for writing? Do you plan your story out first, write whatever you want then edit later, or both? How might this help others?

My writing process is pretty much a mishmash of writing whatever comes to me, then planning, then writing, then using a bunch of character building exercises to have fun but make no progress in the plot, then neglect the project for months, then write some more or maybe plan. I don’t know how much this would help others, though I have found when I set goals with deadlines and some external pressure (nanowrimo, reward system implanted by friends, etc) I am far more productive, so perhaps that is something others could try if they struggle with staying on track?

18. Your book’s become quite popular, easily reaching the New York Times Bookseller list, and now, you’ve been picked to lead a writing workshop. It goes swimmingly, and afterward, someone comes and tells you that your book not only inspired them to write a story of their own, but also helped them discover and accept their identity. What’s your reaction?

Mostly I would just be flabbergasted, but also extremely pleased and honored to have been able to provide any kind of help or assistance to my readers.And I would feel very happy for the person, since that sort of inspiration is great to come by.

19. Are there any published stories out there that feature aspec characters that you also read? Do you have any suggestions?

Unfortunately not that I can think of! I am peripherally aware of some ace characters, but they aren’t in stories I personally consume. I hope to find more though!

20. Just for fun, write down a paragraph of your most recent writing. It can be an action-packed scene, some witty dialogue, or a colorful description that you really enjoyed. (Be sure to properly tag any possible triggers!)

Well, my most recent finished work would be the clunky first draft of my novel. So, here’s a silly conversation that entertained me to write:

Once they had bought the food, they went back to the park to eat. 

“You know, Fiera, I have come to a realization.” Kadri said.

“Oh? What’s that?” Fiera asked.

“Store snacks are not as filling as restaurant food, nor as refined, but they are decidedly addictive.” he said, munching on Twizzlers.

“Yep. That’s what makes them store snacks. Plus, I couldn’t get any really nice stuff. I’m not made of money.” Fiera explained.

“Which brings me to my next question, how exactly are you financing our meals? You don’t seem to work a job of any kind.” Kadri said. Fiera was almost surprised that he knew about jobs, but decided not to ask about it. 

“You’re right, I don’t. But my parents leave me about sixty bucks a week so that they can do what they want without me starving to death in their absence. After yesterday and just now, I’m down to like eight bucks, and the next payment comes in three days, so after this stash goes it's dollar store snacks only.” Fiera explained.

“I see. Fascinating. And these drinks you bought us, why are they vitamin drinks?” Kadri said,looking over a vitamin water curiously.

“Because we definitely aren’t going to get any vitamins from chips and candy.”  Fiera said simply.

“There is logic to that, I suppose.” he said. There was silence for a few moments.

“Um… Kadri?” Fiera said after a while.

“Yes, Fiera?” Kadri said.

“You know you can’t eat a whole bag of Twizzlers in one go, right?”  Fiera said.

“I don’t see why not. If it is not going to give me the nutrients I need, it may as well provide me with the maximum level of pleasure it is capable of.” Kadri said.

“Yeah, but you’ll get sick. And we have limited supplies.” Fiera countered. Kadri looked at the bag of Twizzlers in alarm.

“These are poisonous in large doses!?” he exclaimed.

“What? No, not poisonous, they just make you sick because they’re candy. All candy does that if you keep eating it.” Fiera said.

“Commoners lead dangerous lives, it would seem. I shall never forget this betrayal.” He said to the bag of Twizzlers, putting it down and taking the vitamin water instead. 

#Arospec Awareness Week #aromantic #writing #non-fandom #asaw2020

[arocharacteradvice]

A minor plot point of my story involves the mc getting in a qpr with his aroace friend. I’ve thought a lot about making sure not to break the aroace chara’s boundaries, but I’m slightly worried I might be overlooking the mc’s desires? If the aroace chara doesn’t want to do things like have sex/kiss but those are things the mc would want from him, would it be wrong to put them together? The aroace chara encourages the mc pursuing other people for those things. Is that good enough?

So, I’m not going to make a definitive statement as to whether putting these two characters into a qpr would be ‘wrong’ or not. I also can’t give much specific guidance as I haven’t read your story and this is a very nuanced topic. (Which isn’t your fault, I’m just explaining why my answers might seem vague) What I can do is give some pointers, and poise some questions of you that might help you figure out if this is a healthy dynamic.

I’ll be addressing the aro side of things obviously as this is an aro character advice blog, but you can go to ace blogs for more info on that, and to be honest most of the advice I’ll be giving can likely apply to both areas.

Ok so first off: You sound like you want to respect the aro character, and not have the mc pressure them, which is a very good start! But I feel like you may still be viewing the dynamic as one where mc wants something, the qp can’t give it, and his boundaries are a problem that need to be solved, just with another relationship in this case rather than ‘curing’ the aro or having them give in.To be honest this is probably on some level because the mc is the main character. As a writer, you tend to think in terms of your protagonist’s goals.

(also, as a note, if you were at all thinking about having the qp giving in and kissing the mc anyway, unless this is portrayed as very very negative, Don’t Do That for the love of positive representation)

Anyway! Please, please be clear in your writing that one person looking for a certain thing out of their relationship, and another person not looking for it, doesn’t mean the first person is hard done by and suffering horribly by compromising. It’s simply a matter of incompatibility in that area.

Especially when the situation with your characters is that one wants romance, and the relationship is queerplatonic. It’s an explicitly purely platonic relationship style! This isn’t a case of person A ‘overlooking’ their desires because of person B, this is a case of person A entering a relationship they know full well will Not be romantic, still feeling unsatisfied because it’s not romantic, and person B having to suggest solutions to something that isn’t technically a problem. Imagine getting frustrated with a waitress because they wouldn’t kiss you. Why would you expect them to? A qpr isn’t a romantic relationship with one ‘faulty’ partner. Don’t treat it as such.

(It’s a bit of a different situation with sex, as qprs can be sexual, but that’s not my area)

Sure, some qprs have more romantic coded elements, but they’re not an expectation. If you’re going to write a qpr, please understand that actions within them are on an equal playing field. kissing and having sex have no more inherent value than holding hands or watching a movie. It’s about what individuals want. 

I’m also not trying to say that your mc doesn’t matter. Just that your bias could possibly be tipped towards him. He is compromising by not being able to kiss his qp, and the qp is probably compromising in a bunch of ways too. Maybe the qp wants to live together or get a dog or matching tattoos or go to heavy metal concerts together, and the mc doesn’t. There’s Stuff like that in all relationships, you just need to start also viewing romantic coded activities as Stuff, only with more cultural baggage.

On the topic of the mc having another partner: that sounds to me exactly like a compromise on the qp’s part. Did he go into this relationship wanting it to be polyamorous? Because it sounds like this is something he’s doing for the mc, especially as you say this is about the mc specifically having other partners, not the two of them as a couple becoming open. Even if the qp is enthusiastic about it, doesn’t mean it’s something he particularly wanted out of the relationship, just like the mc didn’t particularity want a non-romantic relationship. 

I would also question you as to why the qp is enthusiastic, and whether that’s a character choice or something you’ve done to benefit the mc. Maybe examine whether you have a negative gut reaction to the mc not seeing someone else for kissing/sex, and if so, work on unlearning that. I’m not saying that in your specific situation, the qp must feel pressured or not good enough, but it does happen and it’s worth thinking about how aros would feel seeing a character they’re meant to identify with happily telling their partner to see other people for desires the aro can’t fulfill. I know I personally would feel uncomfortable with it unless it was really well written, as I’ve been in a similar situation myself. 

Again, some people are fine with letting their partner do that kind of thing, or are polyamorous in the first place, but I would be very very careful about how you present it, (other aro blogs, and the qpr tag, may help) and consider whether it makes sense for the qp to feel this way based on context and their characterization. 

I hope this hasn’t sounded too harsh. I’m very aware that you could have considered all this already, but I feel like I need to cover a lot of ground because I don’t know specifics about your characters and this is a stupidly complicated topic.

A few things to consider adding in or developing further: 

Both partners entering or being allowed to enter other relationships. This might change the tone from ‘aros aren’t enough so my mc needs someone else to make up for it’ to ‘no one person has to fulfill either character’s desires!’. 

Having the mc realise that he doesn’t actually don’t need to date someone else. Not in a way that reinforces toxic monogamy or the idea of soulmates, but presented as him just working through amatonormativity and decided he’s cool without kissing anyone.

Showing what both characters get out of the relationship, rather than just what the mc doesn’t get. For instance maybe there’s a show just the two of them are into, or the qp buys the coolest presents, or if one is home late the other always waits for them to start eating dinner. Just small things that present them as good for/happy with each other rather than focusing on the one area of incompatibility. 

Showing why the qp wants to be in this relationship. I think this would help aro readers feel comfortable, as it’s kind of opt in for aros to date as opposed to alloromantics assuming they will, if that makes sense. We also, as a community, tend not to value our own goals and wants. Does he want that partner label to be able to easily explain what the mc means to him? Making that explicit would probably make him more relatable, and help stop aro readers projecting discomfort onto him. Explaining what makes the relationship fulfilling for him would also show that he doesn’t have to lower his expectations just because he’s not willing to be in a romantic relationship.

You don’t have to employ all or any of these ideas to make the relationship work, I just wanted you to have some options if you read my earlier advice on what not to do and though ‘heck, I did do that though’. You might also want to get some aro sensitivity readers to go through some later drafts of the story, though do be aware that some aros would be uncomfortable seeing an aro character in any kind of relationship. Not every aro will want to read what you write, but that’s ok so long as you consider those who will.

tl;dr: Don’t show the aro character’s boundaries as a hurdle, just a different relationship expectation than his partner. Consider why you’re writing the aro character the way you are, and take into consideration what they both enjoy about their relationship.

Good luck! And I’m so sorry for the long post!

- Mod Kaladin

#Anonymous #mod kaladin #long post #asks #qprs #aro

[mikauzoran]

Biro ace Adrien in newest chap just reminded me of chap19. Is Mari on the aro spec?

Hello there! Thank you for the ask. Today we’re talking about Chapter Nineteen of Nachtmusik. I believe the passage in question is where Marinette tells Luka:

“I think I’m broken. I don’t seem to be able to love like other people do. Like how you and Adrien love me,” she explained. “I don’t know if it’s just because I’m not as emotionally mature yet or something, but…I’m trying to be in love. I know what I feel is some version of love, but…I’ve thought I was in love before, and it turned out that what I thought was love wasn’t anything close to really loving someone. I thought what I felt was a big deal, but… My ‘love’ wasn’t as good as Adrien’s, and now…the love I feel for you is really cheap and small compared to your love for me. I don’t know if I can love big like other people.”

She really does give off aromantic vibes, doesn’t she? I’m actually a little skittish about representing an aro character and proclaiming, “Yes. She’s aro” because I’m not one hundred percent certain about what it’s really like to be aromantic, and I don’t want to get it wrong. I’m much more comfortable representing an asexual individual because, while I know asexuality is a spectrum and, thus, different for every person, I’m able to draw from my own life experience and be certain that the portrayal I’m giving is realistic (at least for one person ^.^;). I’m a huge romantic sap, so it’s hard for me to wrap my head around being aromantic to be able to accurately portray an aromantic character.

That being said, if you see aro representation in Marinette, you are not wrong.

The way she experiences love seems different from the way she observes other people experiencing love. Luka and Adrien are both really big romantics, so when Marinette compares her feelings to theirs, she feels like hers come up lacking. She’s also very inexperienced in love at this point and doesn’t really understand what she’s doing. She’s eighteen. She’s still young and has a lot to learn. It can take decades to truly come to understand oneself. Understanding “love” and one’s sexuality can be similarly long, difficult journeys.

I originally explained my portrayal of Marinette in the author notes like this: “ The way I've written Marinette here, it was my idea that she's eighteen, and she doesn't really understand "love". She's seen the movies and TV shows. She's had crushes. She's interested in having physical relationships with Luka and Adrien, but she isn't at a point where she can wrap her head around unwavering devotion, compromise, sacrifice, and unfailingly embracing the ugly sides of people along with the attractive aspects. Sometimes she grasps pieces of it here and there. We've seen in canon that Marinette really has a big heart and she's always helping others and putting others before herself. She'll get it eventually, but right now in the story she's a little lost. Adrien hurt her a lot in Daisy, and she's still recovering from that. She's figuring out how to forgive and move on and love again, love on another level. At the same time, she's trying to give Luka a chance. She's trying to return his affections and be what she thinks a "real" girlfriend should be to him. Instead of patiently growing into the relationship, she's trying to force it. She's trying to stretch herself and make herself fit, and it's not going very well. She's not being true to herself. That's the way I'm trying to write Marinette, anyway.”

My idea for Marinette was that the way she experiences love feels different from Luka and Adrien’s experiences. As you’ve probably noticed, Adrien and Luka both have hyper-romantic experiences of “love”. Part of Marinette’s story arc in Daisy is supposed to be her struggle with understanding “love” and what that means to her and her coming to feel like she’s not doing it wrong. If this ends up feeling like an authentic representation of an aromantic individual, I will happily accept the label, but I don’t want to claim it prematurely and end up botching it. ^.^;

Thank you very much for the ask, and thanks, as always, for reading!

#Marinette Dupain-Cheng #Ask Mikau #There's a Daisy #Miraculous Ladybug #Aromantic #Aromantic Character #Aromantic Representation

[jaspersforever]

it's been a while since i've really thought about my labels, but it's all i can focus on now due to some recent changes in my life. i'm sex-favorable; i've known this ever since i figured out i was ace and this never bothered me until now, when i've met someone who's interested in me that i trust. i never considered my place in the rest of the ace community, but once i started poking around on internet forums and social media tags to try and find advice from other sex-favorable individuals, i realized that i couldn't find anything. the only benign depiction and discussion surrounding favorable aces is in fanfiction, where there's an overrepresentation of sex-favorable aces. even at the loss of representation for sex-repulsed aces, i've found this little niche to be a great comfort because it's the only space i've found where:

a. people like me/my perspective is actually given any attention beyond the quick 'some aces are willing to sleep with their partners' disclaimer attached to most informative posts on ace-related topics.

b. allo people most willingly and prolifically create ace-related content, because i like seeing how other people explore and interpret asexuality.

i know that it isn't good that we (unintentionally) believe that characters and stories are only interesting if there's smut, and i know that the pressure to 'not ruin the mood and just say yes' hurts people, and that i shouldn't speak for the whole community because my alignment is rare, but god dammit, this kind of fic is the only media i can find that shows explicitly ace people enjoying sex and actively seeking it out.

again, i know it's simply a result of demographics, but the overarching idea in asexual circles and their public perception is a disinterest/aversion in pursuing partners for lack of attraction, usually paired with a lowered libido. it's totally unintentional, but it ends up alienating aces who do enjoy sex. a similar thing happens to bisexuals who show interest in members of the opposite gender or transgender people who choose not to transition or lesbians who once dated men. you end up feeling guilty about yourself, because you're not 'good' at what you're supposed to be and everyone says that you're sullying and betraying your community's image by 'acting straight'. i'm not suggesting that we overhaul everything about the ace community to put a small minority in the spotlight, but i am saying that i'm happy to take what i can get from media and i wish that there were more spaces for sex-favorable aces to talk about their experiences. i know i'm bad at being ace-- i'm also bad at being aro and agender. but i'd feel more broken calling myself straight and cis than i do calling myself what i am now. human emotions and psychology is ambiguous and subjective and bizarre, and we can't try to fit people into narrowly-defined boxes. a community obsessed with purity will always end in exclusion.

#i'm not bad i'm just drawn that way #i was never a gold star anything so of course i can't do my own orientation right #asexual #me #sex-favorable #tmi #a bit