#but idk what time ill be home

[bivwifeybunny]

thank you bby :((( i rly don’t deserve you ☹️☹️. i’m also always here for you and i’m sorry your motivation is also going down :/. it’s hard to stay motivated and feel good sometimes but i always try to tell myself that that’s okay too. humans aren’t perfect but that’s what makes us so special and valuable. i hope yours does too :(( if i can do anything to help lmk him. talking to you always makes me feel better/happy <33 i love u even more my sweetheart 🫶🏼🫶🏼

also planning on doing more hs sweethearts!dream hcs so keep an eye out for that hehe. that’s also one of my faves 😋. and sugar!daddy dream is so fkn hot. i always picture him in a new fancy, fitted suit every day ugh yum. just waiting for you to compliment him in his little outfits. dilf!dream is in my top 3 tho for sure

also you being 5’2 is so cute hehe. i’m 5’1 so i understand the struggles of being short 💔(i’m so tired i just looked for that emoji in the section with all the hands and shit 😭😭😭like thinking it was gonna be a body part 😭 i need to gts LMAO). i’ll beat up ur problems too my love, don’t you worry <333

jesus this is so long i’m so sorry 🫣. i’m so overtired i just can’t shut up 😭 plus ur so cute and sweet so my brain can’t shut up when it knows i get to talk to you hehe

FUCK TUMBLR CAUSE IT DELETED MY FIRST RESPONSE AND THEN FUCK ME CAUSE WHEN I WAS TYPING IT AGAIN, I WENT TO COPY IT AND ACCIDENTALLY HIT SHIFT INSTEAD OF CTRL AND DELETED IT AGAIN WHYYY anyways...

awww ur literally the cutest human on the planet and i love you so so much <333 and getting to talk to you is the best part of my day :))

👀👀omg fr?? i already love ur hs sweetheart!dream so im exciteddd

ur perfect for me to cuddle and give nose kisses to :))) and ty sweetheart i appreciate that😭

that's okay, cause I would never want you to shut up :( i love listening to you ramble on about whatever. it just gives me all the more reasons to keep talking to you and it just makes you even cuter. it makes me fall in love with you even more than I already am <333

but you should probably gts now babes, don't want you to be tired :(

#this is way shorter than the original #i am so mad at tumblr #its tumblrs fault cause i was almost finished on the first time when it crashed >:( #oh well #not sure if I'll get to talk to you tomorrow #or at least not till later in the day #it depends cause imma be busy tomorrow #but idk what time ill be home #we'll see

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

You ever think about what's gonna happen when the Welcome Home website updates in December? Hopefully, at least for what I think, we'll get to see the fabled Julierella! Or any visual parts of the show in general. Probably something fit for the holiday spirit.

Maybe wondering about their relatives and loved ones living outside the neighborhood, and the fact that the residents haven't left to see them in some time.

Stuff like that! Maybe even some new recipes!

i try not to think about it or i'll become so nervoucited that i'll get nauseous

#the fact that its a psychological horror brings my excitement #from 'ohhhh i cant wait!!!' #to Im Genuinely Deeply Nervous AND Deeply Excited. #welcome home stresses me the fuck out but... in a good way? somehow??? #still i dont wanna think about whats to come or my entire day will be lost to pacing & staring at a wall w/ a racing heart #it probably will be housewarming themed - if thats still the in-universe version of christmas for the neighborhood #but yeah! so stoked im anxious! yeehaw! #whatever happens im going to go absolutely fucking Feral #also theres an element of 'i cant even imagine. anything could happen. things will happen that ive never even considered' #rambles from the bog #yk actually a thought ive had #is if i start streaming. before the update #maybe... i could stream the update. #yk me and any of you who join checking it out for the first time and looking for secrets #could be fun! if! emphasis on if!! #could be nice. cause like... idk about you guys but i dont have irl friends to sit down and check it out with #the updates are fun but a little lonely for me! its just me in my room wishing i could share the First Time Excitement yk yk #just. something for me to consider aiming for! #oh my god i just realized ill probably be working #i swear to god if the update drops while im at work im just gonna quit and walk out the door #ohhhh now im nervous about that happening... heres hoping it wont... #lmao who am i kidding! given my luck's track record that absolutely Will happen

[slavhew]

19/01/2024

ice skating got cancelled

#sonic the hedgehog #sth #shadow the hedgehog #shadow #admin draws #fanart #the day when i drew this i wwas supposed to go ice skating but the rink closed due to it being 15 celsius all of a sudden #so instead i stayed home and drew this #its been too long since i drew a sunset so that had to be fixed #this is pretty different from what i imagined at first but it turned out nice despite that #actually very happy with it i just hope its readable. aka him skating on ice and leaving a puddle behind him #i might retry drawing this sometime and compare. who knows #i wanna try drawing the final fight between him and sonic from sa2 next #since i played that stage in generations like 4 times in a single sitting its sooooo fun and the music fucks #anyways. idk when this will be posted prolly like a week or so after i queue it. maybe ill have drawn that by then

[hella1975]

all hate to tiktok for taking 'having a space to more openly and actively talk about different cultures' to mean 'cultures are NOT to be shared and we must be vigilantly defensive of our cultures for fear of appropriation, a word that can be applied to any multicultural interaction'. like of course cultural appropriation is a very real problem but ive seen with the access to global multicultural conversation that tiktok provides it's made people TERRIFIED to even interact with cultures other than their own for fear of 'doing it wrong'. like at some point you have to acknowledge that in the real world of the great outdoors, the majority of people are eager to SHARE their cultures. yes there are ignorant questions and biases but also... how do you think those things get unlearnt? i dont understand how deciding that multiculturalism is an elephant in the room instead of a normal thing that should just be talked about and lived with is supposed to benefit anyone? and kids on tiktok are CONVINCED that it's a time bomb of a conversation to have and therefore must be avoided at all costs but like. people generally LOVE their home and their culture and are PROUD of it and want to share it. how have we made it so that showing genuine interest and a desire to understand something so integral to a person's identity is now feared and borderline demonised?

#thinking about this a lot lately. thinking about how fun it was comparing cultural differences in america #thinking of how when i was homesick one thing i found a great comfort in was talking about my home #and how it differed and i really loved and appreciated it when people would ask me about england #in a way that they genuinely just wanted to learn about it and not to take the piss #thinking about how the kitchen at work has chefs from all over europe. we have an irish chef and a spanish chef and an italian chef #and one of the kps is from eastern europe (i havent actually been able to find out where yet) etc and the way they banter with each other #like usually chefs are Problematic bc their humour is VERY abrasive and usually offensive #but this is one instance where it's actually to their benefit bc they're so unafraid to ADDRESS THE FACT THEY HAVE DIFFERENT CULTURES #i feel like the tiktok gen are so petrified of even acknowledging other cultures let alone discussing them #that it's actually sending the conversation backwards. like how does hoarding your culture and pretending it's not there benefit anyone #LET ALONE YOU AND THE CULTURE IN QUESTION. idk it just baffles me a bit that something that started as people on tiktok #genuinely spreading information and talking about the BAD side of this where people DO culturally appropriate or invade spaces that arent #theirs has now become 'for fear of speaking bad about it we will not speak about it at all'. and they'll crucify you if you do. like what #even at uni my best mate is indian and she's too scared to join the sikh society on her own so i regularly go to the events with her #and im typically one of the handful (or the only) white non-sikh there and i get SO welcomed each time #like there's such a genuine excitement to share the culture with someone who is effectively a blank slate #and like yeah ill ask 'dumb' questions or i'll have different experiences (tried a samosa for the first time at one of these events #and the moment that info got out i had like five STRANGERS trying to give me different samosas to try and it was genuinely such #a laugh bc yes they were TEASING me bc 'how have you never had one' but they were also really eager to share MORE as a result) #ugh idk what im saying. i just think it's a shame to watch this happen in real time on the internet #when if people would just go outside and actually TALK to people from other cultures they'd realise 9 times out of 10 the interactions #are actually really really nice for BOTH parties. and actually refusing to talk about this stuff is long-term pretty fucking detrimental #and it also goes the other way!!! like imagine if i - citizen of colonisation motherland herself - didn't interact with other cultures #and didnt ask questions or hear their opinions on whatever shared history we have from THEIR POINT OF VIEW #imagine the kind of shit id be internalising bc i only hung out with other white british people. it wouldnt matter if i was doing it #to be woke or 'respect their culture'. it would still be fucking ignorant. like half my interactions with other cultures #see me as the butt of the joke bc of this like aforementioned irish chef at work VOCALLY slates the english all the time #but it's done in an environment where we're FRIENDS and it's poking fun at each other while still addressing a very serious history. like?? #idk if any of this is worded in a way that makes sense but yeah. i have thoughts #cant believe i got inspired to make an actually serious post bc of the CHEFS AT WORK. embarrassing. no one let them see this

[returnofahsoka]

i'm enjoying all the guardians content we've been getting in what if s2 so here's actual cosmic horror child peter quill and his plush raccoon they added for no reason wink wink

#i havent shared my art in ages jesus christ. #also i feel like if i do anything more complex than a messy lineart pencil sketch. it will end up looking bad. #so have this for now #but ill have more time at home now so i kinda wanna get back to drawing #anyways #marvel #what if #guardians of the galaxy #my posts #my art #might delete this later if i feel bad about it idk

[torchickentacos]

#vent post #ok to rb without screenshotting the tags but idk why you'd do that anyways #I'm once again wishing every fellow adult living with their parents a very 'I'm sorry o7' #mom's getting on my case about 'not wanting to be part of the family' #but if dinners are always silent and uncomfortable with all of us not talking then I think it's normal for me to leave the table #when I'm done eating. it's not 'not wanting to be part of the family' it's just not wanting to be somewhere awkward as hell lmfao #like oh okay sorry let me sit here for another fifteen minutes silently bc y'all ignore every conversation I try to start. jesus christ. #goddddddddddddddddddd fuck the housing market lmao #I love my family but I'd like them a hell of a lot more if I didn't live here #a little distance does wonders #anywaysssss sending love to everyone else who is perpetually stuck at home. esp oldest siblings and ill folk 🤝 #we'll get out eventually #no more silent dinners and people who find your optimism and attempts to lighten the mood to be juvenile #stay miserable and pragmatic and 'realist'. no joy or whimsy. fucking whatever. I'm not sinking down to cynicism. #what's the opposite of being the moody black sheep of the family lmao. I'm the only one who seems to enjoy being unserious #ok. vent over but fr anyone else stuck at home when they don't want to be: i love you and we'll figure it out in time. things WILL work out #delete later???

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#ugh. im so tried. why is crying so exhausting? i havent done anything. this is bullshit #we went from a slow motion breakdown to full on freakout meltdown today #luckily no one was around in the lab this morning bc i couldnt stop crying #so i went to the counseling center and made myself their problem #canceled my committee meeting. which everyone tells me is fine. its all fine #think about going home for a while they say. maybe tell ur dad ur having a bad time thry say #but im so tired. and i dont kno what to do and its all falling apart #i just feel like im brushing up against the limits of what i can do intellectually and its like well where do i go from here? #what do i do with my old data? how do i move my project forward? whats the point of any of this? #why did i put myself in this position? would taking a leave even help? id still have to come back to the same mess #its just so frustrating bc theres no solution ill find satisfying. everything just sucks. #idk what my advisor even told my committee. bc we were supposed to meet tomorrow morning. ugh. it would have been so bad #it also sucks bc im so drained that i can just feel my own weight when im trying to talk to ppl #like u kno when ur being a wet blanket but u dont kno how to fix it. like srry my vibes r wretched. maybe im just stuck like this #i dunno. my dad invited us home for a week in july and also plans to come out to visit me in August. but that seems like a long time away #i dunno what im gonna do. what a disaster #unrelated

[ink-asunder]

Having demand avoidance in a medical setting is literally hell. Like, patient autonomy is already absolute ass. It's only made worse when doctors CONSISTENTLY tell you what to do and act like you HAVE to do it instead of consulting with you first like normal fucking people.

#also “”“”medical necessity“”“” is NOT an excuse here. #ive been to plenty of doctors that thoroughly discuss a range/timeline of treatment and explain it IN DETAIL before saying “thats what i- #-recommend“ instead of just going ”okay were gonna do this. im gonna explain the prep to you a mile a minute and if you have any follow up- #-questions im just gonna repeat part of my spiel with no clarification. and if i cant answer your questions too bad :)“ #not to mention how many doctors just force you to do things that WILL NEVER WORK #like one therapist tried forcing me to do emdr when i was only IN HER TOWN for the summer and i had no internet access when i was at college #im pretty sure emdr takes several weeks to work and i did not have that kind of time available to me. i couldnt just drop out bc of ptsd. #also the number of times ive had to decline an ESI is stupid. I've already had 2! they didn't work! i had a bad reaction to the meds! #why am i being forced to do it again? #also back surgery. i cant do that because i am a white trash rural kid and our home (which we built ourselves) CANNOT be accessible enough #for spinal surgery recovery. but i went to the surgeon and he was like “thats valid! and also surgery literally wouldnt help you so idk why- #-they sent you here.“ : l It's cool to be right all the time lol #its like. no wonder i developed medical demand avoidance after so much traumatizing and malpracticy bullshit in my life #demand avoidance #medical demand avoidance #chronic illness burnout #chronic illness #chronic pain #medical tw #ptsd #disability #medical neglect #medical trauma #vent #this might be too personal. if i do delete it ill have it rb'd on my boar-deer-whitetrashbutterfly blog first #idk i just havent really been able to find anyone else talking about this specific effect of being chronically ill/disabled.

[flovverworks]

thought again how overwhelmingly lonely akira would become after everything while time does its healing. u go from having a twenty-something ppl around u at all times to being alone. no one to knock on ur door in the morning, no ppl going in & out, no chaos of sudden fights. even in the (more likely) case where akira forgets its like. this haunting feeling of having forgotten something u shouldnt have. guy who goes to every social gathering ever to have that chaotic energetic experience of having so many ppl around again

#stardust speaking ! #meeting some of the most important ppl to u and losing them in a yr is uhhh a lot #akiras had a lot of themes of not wanting to leave their world just yet/see through what theyre there for #as well as questions like 'what will /i/ be doing next time x happens?' in a very...hm. accepting way? casual? #actually idk if theres ever been any point where its been 'yeah probably a year and then we'll see what happens' #but considering akira went from 'i wanna go home;_;' to 'whats the way to make sure all of u are safe in the fight against the moon' #as well as what they knew about them appearing right after their last battle w the moon. theres. suspicions. i am sure of it #either way there Is that one 1.5 segment too....... #I LOST MY THREAD #but. lots of stressful topics too #since akira knows how many wizards THEY had to summon and the implication the old sage summoned at least one too #thinks about some of the drusilla event lines again.....forget being special i wish we had met under normal circumstances...... #i had more to say about this topic but it also feels like just repeating myself i just think its gonna SUCK for akira #thinking about some lines in kk's diary too...T_T very akira to me. ill go find them again l8r

[abimee]

#when i get commissioned ocs thats all i can think about all day so sometimes i come home and when im on my off time #usually when waiting for a response to some stuff ill start mindlessly drawing the ocs im being commissioned to draw #both to grasp what im doing and also cause i usually love them a lot. but i never save any of that art #cause idk if thats weird. is it weird? sign off in the comments #like i just dont know if that would be offputting like Hey i was thinking about them while i was at work today and drew this

[saeshiraw]

tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry

#tw rant #studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not #its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels #so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday #i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me #n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone #yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my #friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep #of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle #but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today #i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts #and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics #just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people #im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier #im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk #and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know #but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac #h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe #ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch #people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and #seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want #are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to #spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was #i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next #“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes #me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good #but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im #intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout #but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one? #the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone

[ablazeinhim]

feeling like such a loser lately and like is it the winter or is the introversion or is it the disability???

#for a while now its been so hard for me to discern if social stuff is hard because im ND or because im an introvert #theoretically i love parties but im horrible at them on my own #i dont know what to say or how to start conversations #i desperately want to mingle and talk to people and have a god time but idk how to start that interaction #esp because i dont love talking about my work/home life (bc it makes me feel like a loser!) so i dont want to ask people about their work #in case they reciprocate and ask me about mine #also the masking #the masking is exhausting #! #the ND masking not covid masking!! #im afraid ill have nothing to add to a conversation #im afraid when i do speak up that ill ramble about something no one cares about or talk fkr too long or being jn skmething that feels like #non sequitur and ill watch peoples eyes glaze over as they scan the room for others to talk with #i have no social anxiety about like asking for help or directions or “hey where did you get that pizza it smells so good” #or “omg i love your outfit!!!” #but in a room full of people who sort of know each ither #or like p much any space where there are clumps of people talking and im not in any of them? #i feel like a bother and incompetent #i crawled out from under my rock for my only social engagement this month and theyre on their 3rd of the day and loving it #hoping eventually i wont feel the need tk mask so much. i know that makes things so much harder #=

[mxwhore]

sorry followers. I'm a cat person 😔🐱

#i only love. my puppy. and my loved ones puppies #i feel bad saying that but dogs hate me and im starting to hate them back #i be walking and the mfs start chasing me for no reason!! what!! #i walked by a tiny little kitty and i went to pet it and this dog came running from god knows where and tried to bite me!! #calm down bitch im not talking to you go away!!! #i still like some stray dogs but most of the time im just wary of them #i still have that scar from when i was walking home from the store minding my own fucking business #when suddenly a dog came running from a house a #and bit my ass #or the junction of ass-leg #i was at least three meters away from your house you bastard son of a bitch #literally for no reason #when you give cats bad vibes the fellas just walk away. i feel that. go for it lil buddy #but dogs destroy your ears and then try to bite you. why #im literally walking by #ok this turned into a vent post but idk why some dogs despise me. i cant be mature about it so ill despise them back #tessas txt

[pepprs]

my depression is getting really really bad. like it’s been bad before but this is like… consistently really bad. like a long unending stretch for several weeks (and tbh months) now. to the point where no inoculation actually sticks (and im isolating myself from most of my inoculations anyway and feel unable to stop doing it even though i know it’s self destructive). im either helplessly unbearably miserable or numbing out on video games. i just don’t feel like it’s going to get better for me and i KNOW that is factually untrue but the feeling is louder than the knowledge and it’s just utterly immobilizing. ive been sinking in quicksand for 2 years.

#purrs #longer than that too ofc but i think ever since i moved to campus in 2021 and shit started hitting the fan my life just started snowballing #and picked up speed majorly when i moved back home and ive been stuck in this horrible limbo ever since. like im scaring myself with how #deeply profoundly unhappy and unwell i am. i am just detached and scattered and bewildered by everything. and the only way to break free is #to fight it but i don’t even have the strength. like in order to fight it i have to have the strength and it s exactly the thing that is #being stolen from me. and i work really really hard to suppress it when im around people so no one can tell but on the inside im being eaten #alive and every day that goes on the pain gets harder to bear except im numb most of the time so i can’t tell except for when i can #one of the things that makes me saddest is ive pushed everyone away either by ghosting them or scaring them. when what i want and need the #most is love and comfort. but then when i get it it isn’t enough. idk. im not explaining it well i just feel like. horrible. unbearably #i think i need to go on meds like i truly cannot go on like this not even in a s*i cidal way it’s like i just can’t take living like this #delete later #i know im causing the people who love me pain by being unable to accept that they do love me and that’s the worst fucking part. is hurting #people by being like this. scaring people by being like this. and being so disconnected from myself #and feeling completely and utterly beyond help like nothing ive tried has fixed it but also there are a lot of things i haven’t tried but i #feel so terrible or my freedom is limited so i can’t. idk. #also the crushing knowledge / sense that i have lost the most precious important years of my life both bc of the lockdown and bc of mental #illness lol. except that’s not true bc of all the stuff abt how your best years are always ahead of you and you can make them. but it doesnt #feel like it for me and then i beat myself up bc my job is literally to exude that belief and help other ppl feel it and i increasingly cant #i remember in high school having the thought that one day i could be depressed and being conscious that i wasn’t and now i look back on that #and am like… how. and will i ever not be. i don’t think so. it just feels unending

[celestial-sapphicss]

home school is frustrating to watch not because the show is bad (i love the show i have so many thoughts) but because despite the wildly different reasons (and stakes and intensity), seeing the education institution systems making students do things without any explanation or logic or reason just because they can and being absolutely unreasonable is very real of them.

#home school #vi.txt #i did not plan to watch this show to think about the horrors of school 💀 #idk man was it just me who has never enjoyed school/college #despite it apparently being the 'best time of life' #i have always hated school/college have always hated exams (in a they give me panic attacks kinda way) #have always hated the rules and have always hated the administration #and have always hated most of the teachers who have so much influence but they are so careless about it 🤷‍♀️ #have always been ​annoying and frustrating and deeply triggering and depressing for me #have never once wanted to live the dorm/hostel life and being made feel left out about it #i was recently talking about how im glad ill never have to go to college or give an exam again because i've finally started working #and he shared the common sentiment of no working is extremely hard and college was better etc etc #and i agree working isn't easy at all in this capatalist world BUT i did not have one moment of peace when i was in school/college #and here atleast i do what i enjoy im not overburdened to memorise i have flexibility i get money and i get weekends!!!! #better among the worst types #anyways watch homeschool

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#love that when ur stressed and having a bad time it makes ur menstrual pain worse so you feel even more awful #like. yes. id love to get things done but unfortunately i need to go home immediately at 2pm bc i feel physically ill. vibes wretched. #im considering sleep here at 6pm but 2 b fair i think i only slept 4hrs last night. woof. tomorrow is gonna b interesting #i think the allergic reacting is abt over now tho. like im not really itchy anymore. the rash is still visible but i think its just dry now #bc of the cold. so was i ever reacting to the tatto0? or was it all the medication? im so interesting in what happened #would i not have had a reaction if i hadn't got a bunch of holes poked in my skin? or was it just a coincidence #that the rash started on that arm? ugh. so frustrating. and i think the psychiatrist forgot to actually book my appointment from when we #last talked so idk. maybe if i watch t4skmaster over and over it will heal my soul #ay. its all very frustrating. and i still dont have fucking autoclave access. fuck off. just give me the fucking key code #i just wanna pour plates 🫗 lol that actually looks a lot like pouring solid media. i dont wanna have to steal someone else's card to open #the door. who even locks up an autoclave??? they didnt at my old school and u could wheel a body into that thing. im pretty sure it was #bigger than this one. also there's another unlocked on on campus. why?! i ask ppl and fucking no one knows. that's just how it is #ugh. i should go to sleep. my tummy hurt #unrelated