#but if we can get a decent place that we control for good or ill

[sniperct]

fun fact, if you live with someone and they die, even if your spouse is their legal, blood daughter, the probate court might still make you sell the house even if you have nowhere else to go and can't afford rent and you're already dealing with a mess of your own medical issues and resulting debt(which is an entirely different stresser we've been dealing with over the last year), just to cover their debts!

fun fact 2, I still have a bankruptcy on my credit report so guess how hard it's going to be to get a mortgage, which would be a lot cheaper then rent!

#make a fucking will I do'nt care how old you are #have a fucking will it'll make things so much easier for the people you leave behind #and life insurance #pay for decent life insurance #we got some but it'll be like #enough to cover some medical bills and moving expenses #sure as shit ain't enough for a down payment #let alone the dental surgery we bth need #much older issue #savings depleted due to rising fuel and food costs and assorted immediate emergencies #i am so tired of depending on other people for shelter tho #but if we can get a decent place that we control for good or ill #I'll feel better #on the upside it can be a nice reset button for our living situation #which has been...difficult due to reasons #related to the condition of this shithole #lol

[uhshsmsmaka]

Kin list because I keep forgetting and I wanna keep it written so I remember

giving the biggest “please be my friend ur so cool please please please please” to whoever knows all of these characters

But I’ll say them here anyway, in order from the top left going right.

Mikey - rottmnt

SCP-035 - SCP Foundation

Tawnypelt - Warriors

Ennard - FNAF Sister Location

Dr. Iceberg - SCP Foundation

Moxxie - Helluva Boss

Space Kid - Camp Camp

Phone Guy - FNAF 1 (I think?? I never played the games..)

Phillip Graves - Call of Duty Modern Warfare (reboot)

uhhh idk if I label or spelt that right. I hope I did. That’d be kinda embarrassing if I didn’t lol..

———— why I kin them ig.

btw some stuff is headcanons like so and so being lgbtq and Graves having daddy issues

Mikey ROTTMNT- hell, there’s a lot of reasons.. it’s like… really personal with me lol

4th child, plus youngest. 3 older brothers and often gets left out, or brushed off from being involved. + aro/ace spec.

+ orange theme buddy agh I love u ur so pretty 💛💛

+ ADHD

SCP-035 - hmm.

Wants to watch the world burn, and is here for a good time and is really opportunistic with people, and often forms bonds with people for what they can give him… I’m a bad person I know. I’m trying to change.

+ Latin hehe

+ a lot of people really like him when they first meet, and learn the longer they spend with him, the worse he gets.

Tawnypelt - I’ll be honest, I don’t know much about her bc I didn’t read the 2nd arc, but from what I get, she seems to have struggled with gaining her own identity and being seen as someone other than a clone in her family. I struggle with people only knowing me for my brothers so I relate to her for this.

Also idk her leaving Thunderclan, despite her family, friends, and everything she knows and it being genuinely a good place she is comfortable and happy with— to Shadowclan so she can start a new life just touches me personally.

I don’t want to stay here. It’s not bad here, and everyone I love is here, but I don’t feel like I belong here, and I relate to her for it.

Ennard - yeah.. no, I got nothing. Idk why but he’s just like me fr.

Dr. Iceberg - HE’S AN ASSHOLE!!! I’m an asshole!!! Easily entertained, and doesn’t think of others that much, or the consequences of his actions. + mentally ill

+ bad taste in men

+ probably American with a small fraction of his ethnicity from Europe.

Moxxie - Daddy Issues. shit on by everyone. Underestimated kinda I guess???… and mixed morals. Often really polite— or at least is perceived to be, and is a thinker. Can go absolutely feral if necessary.

+ Italian I guess lmfao

+ short- ish..

+ adults and some older kids shall be referred to as ‘sir’ and ‘ma’am’

Space Kid - he likes space. What can I say?

He’s so silly. A lot of the actions and stuff he does feels like stuff I would have done/do.

+ brown hair

Phone Guy - tries to help and probably fails. Hey, he’s trying.

Phillip Graves - Daddy issues. I also headcanon his dad was in the military and he moved around a lot and lived throughout the US, so he’s fairly decent at adapting to different places, and tolerate as hell. “It is what it is” mentality about most everything out of his control.

Finds that one person and looks up to them, and gets really clingy and obsessed with them. Doesn’t show it of course, but in his head he wants to impress them and please them in every way possible. *cough, Shepherd, cough cough*

(I met a lotta people I hyperfixated on giving away everything to make them happy. We’re just casual friends now. Except for that one. She was mean as hell to me. We still meet occasionally tho.)

Outside of headcanons, his personality and the way he acts is just very familiar and relatable to me.

+ American (wtf is a kilometer🦅🫡🦅🇺🇸🇺🇸🦅🦅💥🦅🦅🇺🇸🇺🇸)

+ makes shitty jokes no one laughs at

#rottmnt mikey #scp 035 #tawnypelt #ennard #dr iceberg #moxxie #space kid #phone guy #phillip graves #kin list

[anthonybialy]

Iran As Bad At Attacking Israel As Anything Else

Iran just sent its economy to be destroyed.  They didn’t set anything aside to have their twisted version of fun next weekend.  The living medieval museum spent 87 percent of its GDP on drones that turned into an Israeli fireworks show.  The one Middle Eastern country you’d choose to live in is resented by everyone around it for ruining the grade curve.

The Persian Empire’s remnants still have their weeds.  But they won’t sell for much.  Geopolitical experts debate whether brilliant mullahs knew their allegedly noble flying armada would be destroyed or thought they’d destroy what they aimed to hit, which you may recognize as the Middle East’s only functioning spot.  Israel sighs as it defends the neighborhood’s societal outpost yet again.

Iran is a Batman villain without the character.  Caricatured reprobates can’t even seem compelling as they spread chaos.  A rabid all-time dastard certainly isn’t going to generate something useful.  But they sure will try to wreck the output of those not residing in the Third or Fourth World.  True professional deadbeats are so jealous of the productive that they will set out to destroy them so everyone’s equally miserable.  At least we know why liberals sympathize with them.  

Even remedial countries know Israel makes sure attacks more than even out.  

So, who would be dim enough to strike first?  Iran raises its hand.  A place which hasn’t discovered civilization lacks the impulse control to foresee consequences.  It’s easy to see why they’re on eternal probation unless you’re them.  The Carl Showalters of the world don’t think ahead about their assaults.  If they did, they’d be able to create a nation that offered more than sand and terror as exports.

Ungrateful Westerners who romanticize brutes enable gall.  A nation that’s primitive for the ninth century didn’t learn their lesson.  Or, they did in the same sense that unpunished bullies continue to operate wedgie rackets.  Moronic hooligans still possess the instinct to learn they can get away with lashing out if teachers are negligent.

The UN is rushing to vote to blame Israel for getting in the way of Iran’s drones.  Our globe features a forum for recognizing commonalities.  Unfortunately, that often means anti-Semitism given the frequent appalling tendencies of many members of our species.  Gathering everyone together to talk out problems is counterproductive when there are so many awful idiots.

An assembly of Borats knows who’s the cause of every planetary ill.  They just know that there would be no more warfare, poverty, or mosquito bites if a sliver of a country with a legislature and pride parades no longer had the nerve to guard from bloodthirsty pillagers.

Losers blaming Jews for their failures is not just for disheartening Twitter replies.  The oldest prejudice is popular amongst shrieking hateful lunatics who run entire countries.  To be fair, they’re not good countries.  Iran is Earth’s Limp Bizkit.

The barbarian state’s enablers enjoy a weekend packed with even more fun than class warfare.  Iran’s BFF Barack Obama struggles to not refer to Iran’s meagerly diabolical barrage as second Christmas.  Ben Rhodes thinks missile footage is NSFW.  And Tommy Vietor has never been happier to have gotten the most undeserving promotion from van driver.

Humans who aren’t arrogant in decline are left pondering how life got this dangerous while ducking for cover.  The question of whether the Party of Biden enabled Iran deliberately out of contempt for all things decent or were legitimately daft remains unanswered.  As is often the case with Democratic devastation, the rotten result of believing they could befriend an asylum with an Olympic team is the same either way.

Flaccid appeasement doesn’t stop unprovoked attacks as well as expected.  Fake tough guys are truly easy to spot.  Look at this dump since this White House strolled into power for countless examples of disregarded orders.  Iran stopped listening to Joe Biden commanding “Don’t” halfway through the word.  Edgar Wright knew it was a joke.

The incumbent laments not increasing Iran’s allowance.  Stingy American taxpayers could’ve turned Iran into New Eden if they allowed Obama to send a second pallet of cash, but they were such babies about dropping off one.  The Islamic Republic’s centrifuges would be used as ice cream churns today if we had just heeded the gentle wisdom of Marie Harf.

Bribery always works, according to those who dole it without funding it.  The same people who think printing money is about to make everyone rich believe hush money will turn goons into pals.  The good news about inflation is that it devalued Iran’s kitty.

It’s easy to guess who started this again.  Craven fiends who attacked a music festival have an ideological ally in a nation sending missiles at the not very precise target of a whole country.  The intended ground zero will righteously preserve itself for the crime of existing even as they’re condemned for it.

The good guys have never been easier to identify, which confuses those who claim they’re anti-fascist because they torched cities with their faces concealed.  Comparing themselves to D-Day liberators is a typically pompous notion by those condemning Israel for responding.  Getting attacked by the wicked for the being decent is as predictable as anti-Semitism.  There’s no greater test of faith than doing what’s right in a very wrong world.

#Israel #Iran #terrorism #Middle East #Iron Dome #missile attack

[potentiallypolyglot]

I'm curious about 30 and 39 of the Langblr asks~ Also 43 sounds like fun, if you want to answer that too!

30. I'm from the relatively northeastern United States so it's very predominantly English-speaking, which is kind of a bummer. I'd say the most popular language to learn is Spanish, but I wouldn't say there is a very large Spanish speaking community near me. Fortunately, I live in a near a city so there are many cultural districts I can visit and experience a bit of other cultures, but there aren't places near me where speaking a foreign language helps you in any material way. The result is that most people around me don't have too much of an interest in foreign languages, which is why I enjoy langblr so much!

39. I'm sure I'll have more embarrassing experiences when I actually get to go and study in China next year, but I have a few mildly embarrassing things to share from my trip to China in August.

Firstly, we went out to lunch with my roommate's family and some of their family friends. During this lunch, everyone has a tiny little chalice that maybe holds 1/2oz and you can keep filling it up with these little pitchers of baijiu (白酒) which is very high proof alcohol - like 53% And many times throughout lunch people will stand and give a toast and everyone drinks some. And when I say many times - it was at some points less than five minutes between toasts. So unless you want to get absolutely hammered - which some people, especially the older men will - you just take tiny sips by wetting your lips or just pretending to drink. I did this the whole meal (like 3 hours) and still ended up having like 2.5 of these little shots.

Anyway, I one point they wanted me to give a toast, which I did very clumsily but it was fine. I believe I did this in English and Chinese. The embarrassing part is that I ended my speech with "Ganbei!" (干杯) because I understood that it meant "Cheers!" which it does. But it also literally means "dry cup" so you are meant to drink the whole cup when you say that. So saying 干杯! and then taking a tiny sip caused some confusion and they tried to prompt me to drink the whole thing, which was not the precedent I wanted to set for my drinking abilities.

As an aside I would like to say that I do have pretty decent drinking abilities, but I have a control issues aversion to being drunk. Also, in this environment I was regarded as "a young girl" so I wasn't in the mood to impress the table with my abilities and risk becoming a novelty, which could result in drinking past my limits. I was also recovering some what I suspected to be jetlag related illness so I wasn't trying to push it.

Anyway, it ended up being fine and everyone was super nice. They weren't pressuring in a mean way, just confused and in kind spirited encouragement to drink more. Besides, later during the meal one of the older men tried to cheers in English by saying "Uphill!" which confused me and I wasn't able to back him up when others disagreed since I had never heard that being used. I wonder if "Uphill!" is a local expression somewhere or maybe borrowed from a different language and translated? If anyone knows, I'd be curious to learn.

The second thing that comes to mind isn't necessarily language related, but it was a cultural experience. It was another night at my roommate's family's house and they had invited over some friends. We had food and talked and had a good time. One thing that Chinese people (at least in this region) like to do during these get togethers is entertain one another with performances. Especially having the children show off their skills. This could be with a dance, playing a musical instrument, reciting poetry, or, such as this night, singing songs. One young girl sang something from the Beijing Opera and she sang quite beautifully. Then a mother joined her in singing and did so quite boisterously, which thankfully didn't set the bar too high for me.

I am 24 so not a child by any standard in the United States, but very much so in this setting, which is honestly something I could talk a lot about if anyone is curious.

Anyway, they wanted me to sing next and I am no singer. I also panicked trying to think of a song. Like they just sang something from the Beijing Opera - what am I supposed to sing? What am I even used to singing without music? Like how I am going to match that with my repertoire of Taylor Swift lyrics? There's too many pauses and it's mostly too emotional I think and too long and I don't really have a frame of reference as to what they were singing about? Ultimately, I sat there and sang Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer, half the lyrics I only remembered as I sang. They said I had a sweet voice and that was that. Honestly, I don't think they thought it was embarrassing for me since its customary and they were singing too so in fairness, it wasn't really that bad. But it was way outside of my comfort zone and definitely a memorable experience. I should probably prepare something for future dinner parties. Maybe I can get away with poetry tho haha.

43. 我的好朋友很美。我们在大学认识。我们都学习国际业务。她是中国人。 时候冠状病毒来了，她不会去她家，所以她跟我住。 现在她学习法律。她非常聪明。 因为我们是好朋友和室友，我叫他我妹妹。

Okay, that's what I've got, no one use this as a learning resource since I'm sure I made many mistakes, but I am open to feedback if anyone has any. Also this is the first time I've typed Chinese on my computer using the keyboard. Usually its just for phrases or I use my phone so thanks for the opportunity to try something new!

#Thanks for the ask! #asks

[elliepassmore]

A Fragile Enchantment review

5/5 stars Recommended if you like: magic, chronically ill rep, Regency era, forbidden romance, LGBTQ+ rep Big thanks to Netgalley, Wednesday Books, and the author for an ARC in exchange for an honest review! I really like art-related magic and don't think it's used enough in fantasy. In this book, Niamh has the ability to imbue her clothing and embroidery creations with actual feelings and memories. On some occasions, she's also able to add additional magic to her clothing. I really enjoyed this aspect of the book and seeing the things Niamh created with her art and magic. I think I would've liked seeing a bit more of it, but we do get a decent amount. The world the book takes place in has "divine blooded" people of all classes who posses magical gifts, such as Niamh's embroidery magic and the royal family's ability to control plants, but this magic tends to diminish over generations. Naturally, noble families with divine blood do their very best to marry other divinely blooded families in order to keep their magic strong. I thought this was a very seamless way to integrate magic and beliefs about magical abilities into a society that's already stratified by class. It felt like a very realistic outcome of what would happen if, historically, noble families did have magic. I also liked the hints of history in the book. The real-world counterparts of the different countries are fairly obvious (Machland = Ireland, Avaland = England, Castilia = Spain, etc.), and a lot of the political relations between them are historically accurate (not entirely, but enough of them). At the same time, this feels like a distinct world with its own political goings-on. Niamh has grown up in Machland and spent her life as a seamstress and practicing her family's magic. Desperate to give her mom and grandmother a better life, Niamh takes the invitation to Avaland despite the troubled history between the two countries, her grandmother's thoughts on the matter, and the risk to her own health (Niamh has a chronic joint? condition). She's determined and loyal and a bit self-sacrificing, risking both her happiness and her health to try and provide her family with this better chance. I liked Niamh's spunk and loyalty, and it makes her a good friend and defender. While she wasn't alive when the conflict was going on, Niamh has seen the consequences of it her whole life, and isn't afraid to make her stance known. She likes the royal family (mostly), but struggles to reconcile what she sees of their actions with how they are in a more private setting and is continuously frustrated with their decision not to act. Niamh definitely pushes at the boundaries of things, but she is good at getting people to see different perspectives. Sinclair is a semi-disgraced lord's son and Niamh's first friend in Avaland. He's a humorous character who shares Niamh's loyalty and frustration with the current status quo. I liked their interactions and the lightness Sinclair brings to scenes. He's also a veritable fount of information about court and helps guide Niamh through the intricacies of Avaland's aristocracy. Kit is the younger of the two princes and is prickly all around. He is downright mean at times, though Niamh often doesn't let him get away with it, but for the most part he's just prickly. Underneath is all he's got a heart of gold and can be just as loyal to his friends as Niamh and Sinclair are. Really, he just kind of needs to learn better emotional regulation and he'd probably be fine, lol. I do like Kit and enjoy his character and (most) of his interactions with the others. Princess Rosa is Kit's betrothed and is a bit of a Wednesday Addams character, preferring rainy days and black clothing, among other things. She isn't all that interested in getting married but knows it's her political duty and she comes across as relatively unaffected by most things. Her lady's maid/best friend is Miriam, who's disposition is a lot sunnier. Miriam and Niamh make quick sort-of friends, and Miriam is steadfastly dedicated to Rosa. Jack is the prince regent and is kind of slippery to pin down. He's outwardly kind to Niamh, but he won't listen to the Machland workers' demands, and he's cagey about a lot of things. Sofia, princess and Jack's wife, also doesn't get a ton of page time, but she seems nice, if lonely. The anonymous gossip columnist, Lovelace, was the main mystery of the story. Each Season they publish a rag detailing the mistakes and juicy gossip of the aristocracy, ranging from romantic mishaps to political opinions. Everyone reads the column and what's written there can greatly harm someone's chances of success. Niamh, Kit, and Sinclair are all targeted at various points by Lovelace, though Jack is the most frequent target overall and the column often comments on his political inaction. The mystery of who Lovelace was was actually a difficult one to figure out. There were a lot of really good options to pick from and I was genuinely surprised when I found out who they were. Overall, I definitely recommend this book if you're looking for a light, Regency-era fantasy. I enjoyed the characters and their relationships, and reading about Niamh's magic. Lovelace was a fun little addition to the story that added some tension on top of the politics.

#book #booklr #books #bookblr #bookish #bookaholic #book addict #bookstagram #new books #book lover #book review #book recommendations #netgalley #netgalley read #netgalley review #wednesday books #regency era #fantasy #ya fantasy #ya book #ya books #chronically ill character #chronically ill rep #disability rep #lgbtq characters #lgbtq representation #smpinfluencer

[moonlightreal]

Grumbling about Carnival Row season 2

Because of course all shows should follow what I want! XD 

And I wanted a show about Philo and Vignette, who fought so hard to be together and find true love in dark times, to be badass rebel partners working together to help the fae.  Sneaking kids out of the barbed wire to safety, possibly safety in some other country where Imogen and Agreas ended up… Instead the writers are like, “Nah, they break up!”  Gaaaaah!

As I watched the last few episodes I started to notice things that just felt… missing.  Like there were bits I expected to see and they never turned up, leaving previously important bits of plot to dangle in the breeze.

-Tourmaline being taken over by evil magic.  She needs to stop doing magic or it’ll completely take her over!  Then she… does a bunch more magic but she’s fine.  Could we at least have had a scene at the end where she does a cleansing ritual or bathes in a sacred spring and says she feels much better knowing the haruspex’s icky spirit is gone forever?  Maybe the kiss of true love banished it.

-The fae plague.  There was a plague! People were dying!  Then the plot just kind of moved on.  We never got a search for a cure.  Vignette didn’t catch it, which I thought she might.  We didn’t learn it was the humans poisoning the wells, which I also thought might have been happening.

-Imogen’s sudden freakout at Agreus.  they’re in love, some terribly traumatic things happened, and suddenly she was breaking up with him because he was just another man trying to control her—and then the plot moved on, Agreus gets kidnapped, and then they were back together.  It makes sense that Imogen might have gone off the rails due to trauma but I feel like we missed a scene where after his escape she runs to him and they kiss, and then a later scene where she says, “Sorry I wigged out there, but being controlled by men is something that bothers me a lot.” and Agreus says, “Totally understandable what with your entire history.  Let’s talk about how we can make sure you never feel like I’m trying to get the upper hand.”

-Philo’s whole parentage.  He almost reveals his lineage, the plot gets in the way, then it’s never mentioned until the end where he’s refusing to become chancellor with an impassioned speech.  And what about being greater than his father?  Killing the sparas was pretty badass but I don’t think it counts as full on greatness.  There was a whole heckin’ prophecy!

-Philo’s evil twin he was hallucinating after one too many whacks to the head.  I mean I’m glad that didn’t go on, but it’s another thing that just kinda randomly stopped.  

-Tirnanoc is… saved?  It was all so off screen, the Pact was driven out, the Burgish government was planning underhanded stuff to conquer it themselves (instead of just taking the refugees out to sea and dumping them overboard like I thought the reveal would be) and then… the plot moved on.  Did we get anything in the very pretty happy ending to suggest why the next chancellor won’t go out and conquer it again?  

-Jonah and Sophie.  Jonah had so much character potential.  Was he a decent person underneath?  Was he going to see through Sophie’s blandishments and stand up as a decent guy or fall into corruption? Could he and Philo have any kind of relationship, for good or ill? And what were Sophie’s plans now that she owns half the manufacturing in the Burgue?  What else was she up to behind the scenes?  What’s up with her faun friend?  This plotline wasn’t abandoned but suddenly cut off, but I was really keen to see where it was going!

I know this is just my opinions but did the end of the season hit anyone else this way? I didn’t hate the second season or anything.  I love the visuals of the show so much, I was invested in what was happening, and watching Imogen come into her own was just a joy.  But this feeling that the story was trying to go places and never quite getting there..!

#carnival row

[avlly]

001

hihii - this is my first blog on this tumblr account.

quick ramble;

isn't it peculiar how people are made to believe that putting others first is a nice thing? yes, it sounds lovely but in reality, if you think about it: it's really unhealthy. the values of being nice include compassion, confidence, being useful, and control. depending everybody else's happiness on yourself is not being in control - it's being under pressure. you can't be responsible for the emotions of others. you have to put yourself first - it's better both ways. you will be able to focus and feel happier in yourself rather than considering that of others primarily, take time to yourself. it isn't selfish. keeping yourself in check ensures that you are in a more comfortable position when offering help to other people. if you're in a bad mental state, attempting to fix other problems whilst in that negative space can be so draining. however, if you certify that you are feeling at least decent whilst solving issues of others, it will be less overwhelming and will make you feel even happier. relying on other people to fuel your happiness is unhealthy. putting yourself first ensures that your care for others ultimately comes from a place of inner abundance, a feeling of already being taken care of from within rather than feeling as if you are compliant to do so. as a result, you become a more giving partner, friend, family member and/or peer. constantly considering the happiness of others rather than your own burns you out. when you're burned out, you simply cannot enjoy the good moments in life. you're swimming in a pile of stress. resting isn't an option, it's a requirement. there is never a shortage of things on the "to do list," invites to accept, and promises to make. naturally, one would want to accept everything. to appease others. to prevent conflict being "nice." the list of causes is endless, which is precisely why it's time for us all to put an end to it. as well as this, pushing yourself past your personal threshold can make you feel both mentally and physically ill. stress, anxiety, and exhaustion wreak havoc on your physiology. stress is the internal alarm that warns us when we are getting close to potentially dangerous territory. stress prepared our bodies for difficulties by attracting additional resources so that we might survive the task that lay ahead of us. when we need it, stress can be beneficial, but because so many people now experience worry on a regular basis, our bodies are overworking themselves to death. don't allow yourself to fall into a chronic state of anxiety as this sets off a series of events that drain your body and mind of resources that should be used elsewhere. although the internal stress reaction is meant to be a short emergency situation, too much stress and overuse of our hormones and central nervous system compromises our immune systems. stress invites sickness and disease to settle in.

people feel the energy you bring into a conversation - it transfers to those you interact with. if you're happy, they will observe that. if you are angry, they will feel that too. your feelings do not have to be that extreme for your loved ones to absorb that. so recognize that power, as subtle as it may be sometimes. it's becoming normal to see children testing high in cortisol levels just barely into their teens because they have absorbed the stress of their well-meaning parents. the best thing you can do is to work to become the happiest and healthiest self you can be - this will impact your surroundings more than the advice you blabbered out in a situation of stress did/does.

in conclusion, put yourself first. bettering yourself is a chain reaction which makes people feel near as happy as you are. it's actually the opposite of selfish. self care is the best care. look after yourself. you still have those dents to look out for others as well as feeling comfortable in your own clogs.

#rambling #idk

[rosaj1890]

I'll be honest.. ibhavent been checking on me lately. I have encountered some major stuff in my life. I'm living in a shoebox with my husband. My dad had a heart attack. I had my very first mental breakdown .. Every thing was because I was trying to be strong for my family . My dad wants me to study and work at the same time. I don't know if that's possible but i am gonna try and get a clinical attachment mostly coz.. let's be honest.. I don't want to work this hectic job which is constantly underpaid . I want to be strong and also learn things .

My dad's health condition was a huge shock to me and my family.. I was numbing myself . Coz boy was I going through absolute SHIT .. like the most shittiest time of my life . But you know .. I'm going through it .. I'm trying to controll my emotions right now . It's been a test . These days .

The thing is I'm trying to controll my emotions and also I'm trying to better myself but it's very difficult to do all that in the environment that I'm currently living in .

This shit is hard . Like really hard .

It took me a while to get used to this place . Now am Okey in it . It is a decent place . It's just not my type . My husband atleast decided to give me space .. and both of us have our own rooms so that's good . We both need our respective spaces . That's one thing I learned about my relationship..

As for my dad's illness.. the only thing that I can hope is that he gets better . I will go with him .. to help him heal and all. I will be there every step of the way.

I have to start my visa stuff and learn about my visa stuff . My husband is not gonna even understand the amount of losses that's happening in our married life right know thanks to his lazy ass behavior.

I have to get us to go to therapy as well.. coz ..we are not there yet . I'm not with the dude I love yet .

My husband is a nice one.. very perceptive . But he can be a bitch . Mostly coz, he is hanging out with bitches . His head of the dept is a misogynistic pig .

Fuck what people think..I really don't care. I'm gonna learn I'm gonna improve myself and I'm gonna work hard and get a clinical attachment and also prepare visa docs

Bbbg ..life is gonna get even harder now. So just focus on yourself.. that's the key. Do not wander very far off from your true self.. think about your childhood. You were focused . Really focused . Try to get back into that mindset..cancel.out all the noises that is drowning your true thoughts.

People being mean is a reflection of their own action . So just don't go and fall for it . Try to controll your emotions and actions.. keep it in. Take time to process things . It's Okey to take time to process emotions . That's how you get to strategizing for a wonderfull future .

Okey so currently, dad is very sick.. hubby is still kindof oblivious .. my career needs a boost

. The only thing I can c9ntroll is my career

So.. I am gonna do what I can to give it a boost

#late night #adult life #life rant

[checkoutmyflow]

Star Elite: Archetypes They Hate

I recently made a Star Elite: Food Pet Peeves if you wanna go check that one out! This post is basically about the type of people they hate the most. Disclaimer: If you don't know Star Elite is my Blue Lock AU with my original characters. Here's the link so you can read up on it if you're interested.

Now onto the post!

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

Fiorello Dal Lago: People who brag about being toxic. Are you proud of yourself? Honestly if you brag about doing awful shit or overall being a bitch, or try to justify it, he's never going to associate with you. Being mean as a joke is fine but being flat out toxic is where he crosses the line.

De'Andre Wilde: People who manipulate and try to make themselves the victim. He hates people like this so much. They know better than to try their mind games with him though, they know better.

Amari Wilde: People who shame others for having anxiety, or a certain disorder. Sometimes things happen to people that they can't just recover from. It's not so easy to forget the past, or just get over something as serious as a disorder. Yes, people with disorders should still be held accountable when they do something wrong, but if they need help then they shouldn't be chastised for needing help.

Xaivier Johnson: People who are super clingy. He likes his privacy, space, and overall antisocial. To add onto this, he has trust issues when it comes to people. He's not at all a people person. So it takes time for him to trust and actually open up, and he's not gonna do that if you're constantly trying to force him to talk about his feelings and invade his space and privacy.

Enkai Nakajima: Controlling parents. Let your kids have their own social life and interest. They're not your pets, they're human beings. If they're not doing anything incredibly weird and fucked up, why must you hover over them 24/7?? They're gonna go through phases and make mistakes, that's apart of life and growing.

Anselmo Espinoza: People who just disregard other people's feelings or straight up ignore them. If someone opens up about something and you ignore them or worse, make fun of them, you're a dickhead. Plain and simple. At least in his eyes you are.

Isaac Espinoza: People who try and one up everyone. Like we get it, you did this, you did xy and z... we don't care. Not everything has to be about you.

Vespa Richelieu: People who bring politics into everything. You can't have fun at all around them without them bringing up SOMETHING to do with politics. Literally he just wants to enjoy his day in peace chaos he does not want hear about global warming or elections or racism or sexism or whatever the fuck it is you want to talk about. There's a time and a place for this, and it's not around him.

Deong Daon: People who fake/lie about disorders. It's hard enough for people to take disorders seriously as is. Now you're making it harder for people to actually come out about this because you wanted attention. Also people who lie about traumatic experiences.

Elio Rossi: People who chastise other's dreams or your occupation. He himself is a streamer and has been told multiple times that it's a childish hobby and not a real job. For him it's a side job from his soccer career, but this still annoys him because many people have become extremely successful and influential in good ways by doing things like streaming. Or hell, just simply doing things they love. Even if said thing is weird, they're still making money, so why dictate them?

Alexander Bennett: People who make one thing their entire personality. Whether it's politics, mental illness, being LGBT+, feminism, being a vaper/smoker, being a certain person's fan, etc. People like this are insufferable to him. You couldn't make any friends or have a decent personality so instead you base it off of one thing and just revolve around that??

Lixue Bai: People who over-sexualize things that don't need to be sexualized. Examples being: women, gay men, certain body parts, breast feeding, ethnicities such as Japanese people, eating popsicles, etc. Literally not everything a person does is for your fucking satisfaction. Get a grip.

Axel Hart: People who have zero self awareness. Yes, Axel can be a energetic, loud, blunt, and teasing. The only difference is that he can admit that and knows when to tone it down. He can't understand how some people are so blind to how they act and think they're this perfect person.

Seia Morikawa: People who take advantage of other's generousity. People wonder why he has trust issues, it's because of shit like this. Other's decide to be kind and the world has to ruin it for their own gratification.

Carnell Reid: People who think they're entitled for something. How he was raised, you had to work for what you wanted. So when he sees someone who acts like they don't have to work for something or always expect something for free, it irks him.

Bruce Matthews: People who complain about every. Little. Fucking, Thing. Like you could easily fix this but instead you just continue to bitch and moan about it. Shut up, if it's fixable then fucking fix it, stop whining about it in hopes that it gets better. That helps literally NO ONE.

Amador Shimizu: People who are inconsiderate. He's not an aggressive person but please believe he'll actually gut check you if you do shit like leave your trash everywhere, being late to everything, or put very little to zero effort into anything. Like did your mother not teach you manners!?? Also FYI: BEING LATE TO EVERYTHING IS NOT A PERSONALITY TRAIT.

Omair Rosario: People who can't put themselves in other people's shoes. Sometimes people aren't blessed with the opportunities you have. It doesn't give you the right to ridicule them because of it.

Emeterio Narvaez: People who ruin the fun for everyone. He can understand if you're going through something, hell, he'll try and take you out to make you feel better even if you don't want to (It doesn't have to be somewhere public. Movie nights at home exist for a reason). But people who just.. fuck up stuff for everyone and kill the vibe. Especially if they're just overall bitchy.

Y'all tell me your pet peeves if you wanna, or if you agree with any of the character's pet peeves. I hope y'all are having a good night. Bye now :)

#blue lock #blue lock oc #original characters #my headcanons #pet peeve #comment please #i'm lonely #i'm boreeeed #do you agree

[slimeywooper]

Labmas AU - Unintended Consequences

Chapter 13 Part 2 - Visit

CW: a curse word early on

There's a distant ringing in your ears. Opening an eye, you peek at your nightstand, where your phone is going off. Pushing the covers aside, you begrudgingly get out of bed to see who it is. Adjusting your gaze to the screen, you see it's Colress calling you. Of course it is, who else would it be? It's not even 5:10 a.m. and he's trying to contact you. Answering the call, you wearily say, "Hello?"

"Are you up? You sound like you're still half asleep," he comments.

Too tired to think up a decent rebuttal, you answer, "Well, that's because I am. I usually don't get up until—"

"There's no time! Those idiots from Gear Station are on their way here now! They just called me." Is this supposed to mean something to you? Wracking your brain about where you may have heard 'Gear Station' from, Colress snaps from your lack of comprehension, exclaiming, "The horrible twins I made Noku from, remember?"

"Oh, right. What do they want?" you ask with a disinterested tone.

"I'll explain later! Just get down here!" Beginning to rant to himself, Colress goes off, "Why did they have to come today? Are they trying to make it a 'thing?' It's just going to set him off. I can't deal with this shit. There's so much work to be done…"

It doesn't sound like he's going to stop anytime soon, so you tell him, "Yeah, I'll be there in a minute," before hanging up. Being awoken this early is never a good omen, and with how poorly the last two days have gone, you aren't filled with much hope for today. Even after getting a more than usual amount of sleep, you still feel sluggish. Perhaps you are becoming depressed from all the chaos that has been happening. As quickly as you are able, you prepare for the day, putting on your newly cleaned lab coat last, and going downstairs. Colress is pacing by the elevator that leads to the laboratory, clearly agitated.

Noticing you shamble towards him, he looks up and announces, "Finally! What took you so long? Come on, we have to intercept them. I don't want them attempting to meander around the laboratory."

Suppressing a yawn, you comment, "Don't you need a key card to get most anywhere in the lab?"

He stops his pacing and faces you, giving a stern admonishment, "Not now! Don't get smart with me!"

"What exactly do they want?" you repeat the question from earlier, much too exhausted to care about his ill temper.

"I can only presume they are here to give me a report. I've told them they need to give prior notification before showing up, not calling me right before they get here. I'm tired of them thinking they own the place and coming any time they want. It's Team Plasma that helps them keep that stupid station running." He repeatedly presses the elevator call button, as if attempting to make it arrive faster.

Unsure of why you are heading downstairs instead of waiting for them to arrive, you suggest, "Shouldn't we wait at the Plasma headquarters entrance?"

Colress answers with an air of irritation, "They take a personal tram to get here. It connects directly from Gear Station to the laboratory's reception room. We can't have anyone knowing they are helping Team Plasma. It wouldn't look good for either side." The elevator doors open and he grabs your wrist, pulling you in.

"Ow, okay, I'm coming." You wince from the pressure of his grip. After the doors close, he releases you. There is still a question of what the Subway Bosses are helping Team Plasma with, but Colress seems to already be in such a fragile mental state, you don't want to push him by asking for more information.

As you tend to your throbbing wrist, he enlightens you on what actions the two of you are going to take, "Here's the game plan: we're going to greet Ingo and Emmet, then you're going to go downstairs and retrieve Nobori and Kudari. As much as I abhor this, if Kudari doesn't get to see them, he will be inconsolable. He's hard enough to control as it is, I don't even want to think of the tantrums that will result if I deny him this. I'm going to try to get the Subway Bosses out of here as quickly as possible." The doors open, and you both step out to see two waiting figures.

Seeing the twin Subway Bosses, you wondered how you ever thought Colress was potentially the human DNA half of the hybrids. Though to be fair, that's all you thought it was, donor DNA, not cloning. Ingo and Emmet are the spitting images of Nobori and Kudari. Or rather, the other way around. They are wearing long, matching coats, one in black, and the other in white. The stylized conductor's caps that adorned their heads cover their hair, but they have the same sideburns as the hybrids. You don't know which is which, but the one in the black coat with the scowl has to be the twin that Nobori was cloned from.

Colress isn't bothering to try to sound welcoming when he addresses them, "Hello, Ingo and Emmet. What prompted you to grace us with your presence today?"

The one wearing black answers him, "We're here with our progress report. We felt because it has been a few years since we came in person, it would be appropriate for us to do so. Only to make sure we are on the same page, of course."

"Of course," Colress parrots back.

Turning to you, the black clad twin introduces himself, "How do you do? I'm the Subway Boss, Ingo. The Single line is my responsibility, and this here is my brother, Emmet. He manages the Double line."

"I am Emmet," is the response from the smiling twin dressed in white.

This small introduction only compounds the confusion, as you aren't sure what Single or Double lines are, but since it's a subway, it must have something to do with the trains. Colress doesn't let you introduce yourself, instead doing it for you, "This is my new assistant, (Y/N)."

"Another assistant? You had a different one the last time we came," Ingo glances to Emmet before looking to Colress in surprise.

Emmet adds, "You go through them quickly," his smile not faltering.

Colress attempts to defend himself, "Yes, the one you met the last time you were here, retired. Then, the one before (Y/N), had an… accident. (Y/N) was kind enough to offer to help us in the laboratory."

"One can never be too cautious. All safety checks should be conducted regularly," is Ingo's advice. Emmet nods in agreement.

There's a flash of anger on Colress' face. It was only visible for a second before being snuffed out, returning his expression to its neutral state. "That's why I was having Kudari stay in his room. Only in the past few days has he been let out. But, that's none of your concern. Don't tell me how to run my laboratory," he ends with a threatening tone.

Ingo looks taken aback and apologizes, "Very sorry, we did not mean to overstep our bounds."

Looking around, Emmet blurts out, "Where are our hybrids?"

"My hybrids, your clones," Colress corrects him. Turning to you, he asks through clenched teeth, "Well, (Y/N), would you be so kind as to retrieve Noku? Bring them to the rightmost planning room. We'll be waiting there."

"Absolutely! I'll be right back!" you say enthusiastically. Giving a look to Ingo and Emmet to excuse yourself, you scan your name badge at the door and enter the laboratory. While taking the elevator down, you consider the different ways this meeting can go. Hopefully, it will be a short 'hello' before getting to work. The longer the Subway Bosses are here, the higher the likelihood Colress is to become even more irritated. Though they seemed very polite so far, you could see cracks forming in Colress' veneer from being in their presence. The more upset he becomes, the greater the probability he will hyper focus on anything Kudari does, searching for a mistake. After the doors open, you walk to Nobori's door, knocking and informing him of your reason for being there, "Hey Nobori, I've been sent by Colress to bring you and Kudari upstairs. Ingo and Emmet are here to see you."

He answers the door wearing a robe, asking, "They're here now?"

You look to the floor, not wanting to stare at him. "Uh… yeah. Sorry to interrupt you."

Shaking his head, he assures you, "It's fine, I just got out of the shower. Anyway, we'll have to get Kudari quickly. I'm sure he can smell them. It's not good to keep him waiting. Sometimes, when he gets antsy, he—"

"Bangs on his door?" you interject, face still red from the state Nobori is in.

"Exactly. Just give me a moment to get dressed, then we can bring him with us." You nod, which signals him to close the door and get ready. Turning around and taking a step forward to wait, a few minutes pass before you hear Nobori exit his room. Coming to your side, he's wearing his usual attire, sans makeup. You both begin the walk to Kudari's room.

"Have Ingo and Emmet already seen how you look?" you ask. "Sorry, that was a terrible way to put it. You're not wearing your makeup, so I was just wondering…"

"Hm? Oh, yes. They've been visiting us since we were children. Well, not us specifically. But when they come for business, they always say 'hello.' Our nature is no secret to them," he answers, walking with his arms held behind his back.

#labmas au #hybrid au #colress #ingo #emmet #kudari #nobori #submas au

[willowlillysunnyday]

Full Time (closing shifts)

Did my parents ever have this adjustment period? Where they neglected themselves; forgot to eat, forgot to do the laundry, forgot to shower?

            Feels like I’ve got not enough time, or perhaps even too much. My shift will start at five in the evening and I’ll seldom do much beforehand. I’ll maybe shower, maybe eat, I won’t vacuum the floor nor do the washing. There’s not enough time, so I’ll sit on my phone or watch YouTube for the three hours I have until work.

            I haven’t done a food shop in weeks; my cupboard is full with tinned and dry goods that won’t go off once I neglect my fridge. I miss cooking, I miss adding things to a pan and marvelling at how well it looks and tastes. I won’t eat in the day time and I’ll instead wait ‘til the closing shift to eat at work. There’s no point in eating before then since I’ll be full by the time my break comes around. Sure, I’m hungry by the time I get home but there’s no point in preparing much else than toast when it’s midnight and the foxes are howling outside.

            I’ve gotten into a rhythm at least; asleep by 4am at the latest and awake at 12pm. I’ve just gotta incorporate existing as a human being somewhere in those waking hours. The two days off I have a week are spent with friends, making sure I soak up as much normal as I can before descending back into the monotony of working the next days after that. Sometimes we go bowling, other times we go shopping, sometimes it’s just… hanging out. I’ve started refusing to set foot in that place on my days off, to spend at least one day away from it all, lest it just become a second home. I’ve got toiletries, a water bottle, and a hairbrush taking up permanent residence in my pigeon hole.

            Besides that, it feels like my sense of fashion has almost completely gone, replaced with ‘can I get away with wearing that at work’, to the point that going out on my days off leaves me stumped on what to wear that is me and not work.

            How do my parents do it? How do they function as adults with children and responsibilities when I crumble over the smallest things?

            I broke down on Wednesday over a booking that I forgot I handled weeks ago. I had a panic attack on Friday when I felt so out of control, a Halloween garland falling down sent me over the edge. I’ve possibly cried more in this last week than I have in the entire last six months.

            It’s because I haven’t taken a break. I haven’t sat still. The closest thing I had to a holiday was three days in London for a concert. Amongst the hustle and bustle of it all, I found the smallest bliss from the hotel room I stayed in; the crisp white sheets, the calming whirr of the AC, the opportunity to just be.

            I’ve taken holiday now. I booked it off as soon as as I could. I have no idea what I’m going to do yet besides visit family and friends; I might just book a hotel room and just be once again.

            I became a fulltime manager on July 23rd; and since that time, I’ve barely taken care of myself. Sure, I’ve been living but not in a way that feels… responsible, or graceful. Maybe it’s just mental illness – hell, I’m riddled with it – but something tells me that life isn’t supposed to feel like this. I’m not supposed to be eating only one or two meals a day, nor filling that void with pumpkin spiced lattes. Maybe my parents just grew bored of forgetting to take care of themselves, or maybe because they had each other, it was easier to.

            I’m tired of (barely) taking care of myself; I came to that conclusion last week. Full time hours suck, especially on the closing shift, but I’m looking forward to that week off; looking forward to family dinners and homes with decent heating, where my mother tells me that she loves me and is proud of who I am.

#sunny speaks #journal #article #informal essay #depression #seasonal depression #i hate capitalism

[boostphysicaltherpy]

Reason to Choose a Physical Therapy Clinic at Crossroads, Bellevue

Do you have any joint or muscle pain that’s been bothering you for a long time? Then, getting help from a physical therapy clinic is high time. Bellevue is a beautiful small neighborhood with a decent lifestyle. There are many nearby physical therapy places where you can get help from professionals to treat your physical health condition.

Need of Physical Therapy

Physical therapy is a magnificent way to improve mobility, gain strength, restore balance, and relieve pain. Unfortunately, several times in our lives, we experience things that we never expected, such as surgery, accidents, chronic illness, or the effects of a poor lifestyle.

These things can leave a long-lasting effect on a person and sometimes lead to partial disability in a muscle or a body part.

Physical therapy Bellevue sessions are designed to target these areas and help you regain strength and control of them. The basic exercises focus on muscle and joint movement rather than the amount of weight you can lift.

A Physical Therapist

A physical therapist is a professional person who understands how muscles and joints function. They have a good knowledge of human anatomy, and based on their knowledge, they address your problems and draft a therapy plan for you. They help you perform various exercises and restore your muscle imbalance.

You can easily get a session of Physical Therapy in Crossroads by contacting the best company, Boost Physical Therapy. Visit the website to know more.

#Physical therapy Bellevue

[lazyrezi]

Here are a few things I am immensely grateful for;

[  ] Living with my sister and no one else, and that we get to make our own space the way we like it

[  ] The cats

[  ] My relationship with mother, and how far we have come, and that she never made me feel worthless for not reaching certain milestones like marriage or kids or a big job

[  ] Not having a big job with big responsibilities, I think I could not handle it, and it wouldn't make me happy

[  ] Having decent work/life balance

[  ] Books

[  ] Having long conversations

[  ] My bed

[  ] I can listen to music on the way to work

[  ] I can look at the moon, and stars on the way to work

[  ] My daydreams

[  ] Not being so scared to talk to people anymore

[  ] For that matter not having an anxiety induced illness control my life (and bladder) the way I thought it would when I was younger

[  ] Liking myself

[  ] Liking other people with all their quirks

[  ] Feeling content

[  ] As well as feeling any other emotion that one can including the bad ones like anger or sadness

[  ] Not having dad in my life

[  ] Having some security in terms of money, and stability in terms of having a job

[  ] Having time to ponder about what I am grateful for

[  ] Having things, and people to be grateful for

[  ] Silence but the kind where you can still hear people outside, and birds, and cars in the distance

[  ] Rain just rain

[  ] My stuff as in my wardrobe, and room decor just having things that make me happy

[  ] Food and more specifically my relationship with food

[  ] My brain, for all its' faults, is at least a nice place to be most of the time, it doesn't overthink things, and it gives me, and other people the benefit of doubt

[  ] My hope

[  ] My body, and that it doesn't hurt to be in it

[  ] Having a good nights' sleep every night

[  ] That I get to rest

[  ] Men's clothing

[  ] Fake plants since I could not take care of live ones, but I like the way they look

[  ] Being myself

[  ] Taking my time

[  ] My health

[  ] Mornings

#practicing gratefulness #thoughts #personal

[radianceclinicsodisha]

How to Use Hair Wig to have a Confident Look

For various events and circumstances, various outlooks are to be expected. Our sensible perspective is for sure the model of others' perceptions for us.

Human hair offers a strong means to make us look proper. It is likewise a way to interface with the community. That is the reason why because of unexpected loss of hair, we waver in mixing with individuals or when we feel that we can't associate with the community due to appearance-driven limits, we should investigate if there is an artificial means to look good. When we discuss a hair wig in Bhubaneswar, we discuss a successful means to associate with the community.

To have a confident outlook

There could be a few reasons which can prompt one utilizing hair wigs. Individuals lose hair because of a few elements like ageing, experiencing constant sicknesses or critical illnesses, or even in the wake of getting chemotherapy, losing hair is exceptionally normal. These are a portion of events we don't have control yet how we manage going bald is a critical aspect. What has happened shouldn't decide how we have our existence. We need to realize that we can constantly go with a decision. We can be at reputed hair clinics in Bhubaneswar to know about the possible hair wigs that we can have to have a confident look. With regards to choosing the best hair wig choice, the human-made hair wig is the most ideal choice

A word about valuing

The price is reliant upon the decision a client makes. When a purchaser purchases a basic hair wig for a party or any exceptional event, one can get it at an affordable rate, for a wig made of human hair. As the request for exceptional sorts of wigs is placed, the wig producer will invest more energy in making the wig. The wig producer will zero in on both the quality as well as the volume. For such endeavours, the price likewise increments proportionately. The price of the hair wig is likewise reliant upon the selection.

How to maintain a hair wig 

Maintaining a hair wig is simple. It is likewise reliant upon how much exertion has gone into preparing the hair wig. The more exertion put into the hair wig planning, the less awkward it is to maintain. Cleaning the hair wig should be possible with a decent-quality cleanser. After washing, it very well may be dried in the shade. For the people who wear it oftentimes, allowing it to dry in a sterile condition is smart. Later on, applying light oil, brushing, and so on for untangling consistently is smart.

If you desire to have the best quality hair wig in Bhubaneswar, it is prudent to be at Radiance Skin and Hair Clinics. Call them at 9238321888 to discuss your requirement for a wig.  

#Hair Wig in Bhubaneswar #hair transplant #laser treatment #hair loss clinic

[elaine4queen]

Difficult Day

He tells me there’s an hour pick up margin, which is probably fine for people who are out. 

I realise that this could be a point at which I change walkers, and that’d be a shame because Lola loves Rooddogs. I write

I expect I will have to adapt. To be clear, I am talking about anguish here. A text before arrival would allow me to have the accommodation I need if you can’t give me a smaller window for pick up. I have loved having her picked up early, she gets real enrichment from the walkers, but I have to acknowledge the impact it has on my day. I have chronic illness as well as autism, and the stress of waiting today has had a considerable impact on my day.

He agrees to have the walkers text me when they’re on their way, and this resolves the issue. 

I’m talking online to Charlie and tell him 

Sometimes it takes a few passes to get your needs met. In general but also in a day. I’m 5h into my day and have already had false starts and had to argue my case and distracted myself with arguing on fb, and had to come away from that and come away from tv and begin to get ready for some Wim Hof breath work which will give me a bit of a reset. I realise now that the stress burden of today is not just from having a physical injury that’s dragging on but also a heavy day yesterday. I’m having to be what the recovery people call accountable because I need to be in decent shape for a long road trip next week to see a friend who is dying. I need it for myself and for her and for the friend who is driving.

Sometimes talking to someone you realise what you think, and what you’re doing, and why. Just being in your subjectivity without language doesn’t bring that intention out.

The breath work wasn’t quite hitting it. I was still very distracted. It was better to half do it than not to do it though, and when I segued into yoga I hit my stride. 

Talking to Charlie made me realise that the day before had ended up telling on me. My bathroom has been wrecked by a leak from the upstairs neighbour, and it seems that both my flat and the one below are so damaged we might have to decamp when they’ve fixed the leak and attempt to make good what is now four months of damage. The guys were in and out of my flat all day, and Lola barked her head off the whole time, and I didn’t get the privacy I need to do my yoga. 

I’m not having to take abortives for migraine anywhere near as often as I used to, but when I took one yesterday afternoon that hit the spot as well. It’s hard to know when it’s time. One of the features of autism is poor interoception, and it’s one of the laundry list of reasons why I do the yoga in the first place. As I sink into the practice and pay attention to my inner landscape I can feel a tide of tension leaving my body.

It took all day but that was it. I was fine. Tired, but out of whatever it was I was in. I watch some TV and then go to bed. 

Usually I walk the dog myself on gym days, but because of the flare ups I’ve had I’ve booked Lola in and get a WhatsApp message from the walker half an hour before pickup. Perfect.

I’m a bit hung over from the migraine, but my state of mind is better. True, if we have to decamp I will be worried about the lack of control I’ll have over getting my basic needs met in an unfamiliar place - and what about the dog? But I don’t think the housing association will spring for that kind of expense. I’d rather live with the dust and the stress of workmen coming in and out, I think. I’ve done it before though, and it is incredibly draining. Maybe I’d rather go away somewhere even though I’d probably have to pay for it myself. Tricky with the dog, but I can’t know in advance how this is going to play out so let me stop thinking about that now and get ready for the gym. The sun is shining, the dog is out, and I can breathe.

#autism #original writing #actually adhd #actually autistic #dogwalk #migraine #yoga #wim hof

[catboyebooks]

once again i'm here with more chapter 3 thoughts. i didn't anticipate having so many thoughts on this chapter at all btw, it just kinda happened and at this point i'm on a roll. this isn't even liveblogging anymore and i don't care.

anyway. regarding the despair fever motive — i feel like what i'm about to say has a good chance of either being crazy or obvious, but i hadn't thought about this before, so here goes. this motive feels to me like it's targeted at tsumiki.

lemme back up. so when despair fever is first introduced, it's never explained exactly how this is supposed to be a motive. the closest we get to that is nanami asking if the idea is that the disease will cause them to become killers, and monokuma gives a vague response along the lines of "that would be an interesting motive!" and then later says that there's no need for a cure because the disease will "cure" them of not wanting to kill each other. so i think it's safe to say that was at least part of the idea here. and with that in mind, i think we can assume that there were in-universe reasons why it was specifically owari, ibuki, and komaeda who first got sick. while i guess it could have just been random, those all seem like decent guesses for "people who might murder somebody if a major personality trait of theirs was reversed." owari is certainly someone who would be physically capable of murder and is reckless enough to attempt it, except she's generally quite laid-back and easygoing. what if despair fever had changed that, made her more aggressive or angrier? ibuki is very friendly/cheerful normally but there have been hints, particularly in this chapter with the concert scene, that there's a "darker" side to her personality; perhaps despair fever might have made her murderous? and komaeda's already plenty unhinged, so... why not?

except it doesn't work. it's immediately apparent that these three aren't dangerous when ill. owari just turns into a timid, crying mess, ibuki becomes serious and literal-minded, and komaeda says a bunch of nonsense then proceeds to get so sick he nearly dies. the group views the disease itself as a threat, but the sick people themselves are clearly Not Threatening, and i doubt that'd cut it for the mastermind. that doesn't feel like an adequate motive on its own.

however, surely the mastermind would have also anticipated tsumiki caring for the sick people, thus providing a plausible way she could have become infected. i would like to point out that while we're told despair fever is contagious, we are never told the method of transmission, and it seems like this is primarily brought up in the first place to scare the group and make them wary of being around the infected people. it seems... awfully convenient that tsumiki is the only other person who gets sick: if the disease is airborne or spread through infected surfaces, it seems likely hinata and/or kuzuryuu would have gotten sick since they spent all day every day at the hospital, and if it's spread via physical contact with a sick person it seems very odd that hinata doesn't fall ill considering that he not only touches every sick person's forehead to check their temperatures, tsumiki falls asleep on top of him twice. it'd be one thing if it took a while for tsumiki to fall ill, because that'd imply it was long-term frequent exposure that did it, but i actually think she either got sick at the same time as the other three or shortly after they arrived at the hospital. the first major tip-off i got that she was sick was when they're at the hospital that first day and she's like "where are the others? oh, they must have gone to fetch some fruit for the sick people, how lovely, everyone here is such a nice friend" etc. i don't think she actually caught it from someone else, i think her being infected was deliberate. monokuma is obviously in full control of this "disease," seeing as he instantly cures everybody the second the motive is no longer needed.

even without the reveal that junko is the mastermind again and that tsumiki is in love with her (and tbh, that's fairly easy to infer from this chapter alone — i don't consider the junko reveal in this game to be a "twist," it's pretty obvious the same mastermind is in charge, and it's also pretty obvious that tsumiki is referring to junko when she talks about "her beloved"), it makes sense to me on a surface level that the mastermind would deliberately target tsumiki with this motive. she's the nurse so obviously she would wind up taking care of the sick people, and it makes sense that a nurse who catches despair fever would wind up killing her patients. of course the actual reason tsumiki killed was because despair fever made her remember, and her feelings for junko came back, which i think junko would have been able to anticipate given how well she knew tsumiki. she's also a good choice to deliberately incite into murder because no one would suspect her — they all think she's too pathetic to kill somebody. she nearly does get away with it, too!

the reason this is so interesting to me is that the motives are generally not targeted at a particular person. they're usually pretty broad. in fact, in dr1, when the mastermind began deliberately targeting particular people it was a sign she was feeling cornered (e.g. the chapter 5 trial being a sham designed to take either kirigiri or naegi out of the game). however, i don't think this is junko feeling cornered, i think this is her playing her side of the game more aggressively than before. the last killing game she ran went badly for her because ultimately the survivors teamed up to end the killing game, and i think she's been doing her utmost in this game to try and squash any teamwork and undermine the group's trust with each other. looking back at the previous two chapters as well as at this one, there's a pattern where every case has brought some new revelation that makes it more difficult for the group to trust each other:

in chapter 1, obviously it's the reveal about komaeda. this wouldn't be such a big deal except that he survives that chapter — they can't just put this behind them and move on, he's still alive and causing problems on purpose.

in chapter 2 it's the whole twilight syndrome murder mystery thing. several people in this group are connected to / were involved in multiple murders back when they were actually in high school. this works on a couple levels: first, most of the people involved in All That survive chapter 2, including kuzuryuu, the one who actually committed one of those murders. second, it's further proof that the timeskip is real. both of these serve to create a lot of doubt/distrust/suspicion.

in chapter 3, although tsumiki does die, she drops a couple bombshells on them first. she didn't kill because the disease made her evil, but because she remembered who she was before the memory wipe, which has obvious bad implications for the rest of the group who still can't. second, she confirms that there is in fact a "traitor" in the group.

bottom line, i think this was all deliberate on junko's part, and she's taking advantage of having much more control over the situation than she did in the last killing game while also employing the lessons she learned from that killing game.

i'll wrap this post up here but i do still have more to talk about regarding chapter 3. i want to get into discussing the murders themselves further, and i also wanna talk about tsumiki's execution. then we will start chapter 4 i prommy

#kes plays sdr2