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emf005 · 3 years

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Disguised Part 1

Jack x Reader

Warnings: Swearing, blood, fights, angst

Hop you guys like! Sorry it took so long to get this out I have had one heck of a week.. lolol.. Please comment and let me know what you think!

Ten Years Earlier:

There were flames everywhere. As a seven year old you had no clue what was happening. It was hot, but it was winter. You couldn’t breathe. Your eyes burned and so did your lungs.

Your skin was alive with pain and stinging. You felt painfully numb. Was that even a feeling?

You coughed. And then coughed again, harder.

The room swam and you tripped over something, hitting the floor with full force. You stared at the door you had been searching for. There it was, finally. But out of reach. Why did it seem everything was always out of reach for you? Just too small to reach the top shelf, just too young to sit with the grown ups, just too female to do anything of importance…

Tears leaked from your eyes, and not just from physical pain.

The door opened and more smoke fled in. You heard footsteps running in and, with the last bit of energy you pushed yourself up. You saw the blurry edges of a familiar neighbor.

Charlie?

Then you passed out.

You woke up in a cot a few days later. Looking around the small room you realized that you were alone.

Where were you?

You heard voices and then footsteps. You shut your eyes tight again just as the door opened.

Someone sat down on your bed.

“I’s knows yous ain’t sleepin’.” Your eyes flew open and you looked up at Charles. A crutch leaned on the cot, but you didn’t pay mind. You jumped onto him, ignoring the pulling of your healing burns. You buried your head in his neck. He grabbed onto you and held you close, just as frightened as you, though he’d tell you he wasn’t. He was three years older than you and the brother you never had.

"What happened? Where am I? Where's mum and dad?" You asked. The questions pouring out of you. The last you saw them, they had been unconscious in the living room.

Instead of answering he just hugged you to his chest tighter…

Present day:

"Strike!" The Newsies, your unofficial brothers, screamed in response to Jack's very lengthy and moving monologue.

He leapt off the stage and started talking to Charles… Well, Crutchie now. He hadn't gone by that name since the fire happened and you two became newsies.

Nobody knew you were a girl and you preferred to keep it that way… although, A bit of extra attention from a certain Jack Kelly wouldn't be so bad. But beggars can't be choosers.

You watched as Katherin Plummer walked up to him and you felt your stomach drop. Rich, pretty, and successful. How could you beat that? Especially when he didn’t know you were a girl and he didn’t know your feelings.You sighed and walked to meet up with them, tasseling Race’s hair as you walked by him. He shoved you and you laughed.

“Hey!” You leaned on Crutchie’s shoulder as you joined the group. “Beautiful speech, Jacky-boy,” you said, rolling your eyes. “I’s think you’s gotta future as a politician.”

“Oh hardy hardy har, Scabs.”

Scabs.

Your name.

It was pretty appropriate for a few reasons. When you and Crutchie first joined you had healing burn marks and cuts all over your body. All of them scabbing. You also always had some sort of cut on you. That you were picking at, hence all your scars. Being a newsie, especially one with a big secret, caused a lot of anxiety, you couldn’t help it.

You smirked at him and shook your head.

“So, wheres we go from here?”

“That's a question for Davey.”

“Well, where is-” before you could get your statement out, chaos broke out. You turned around to see the Delancies break into the theatre with cops on their heels. You swore, and Jack pulled Katherine to get her out of the way. She willingly applied.

Delicate little-

You didn’t get to finish your thought before you had started shoving the cops and Delancies, entering the brawl with full force.

You watched as all the boys started to get their asses kicked and then get out of the theatre. You and Jack somehow ended up side by side, fighting the delancies as the cops chased after the others. But then you saw him.

Snider the Spider stared Jack down, an evil grin on his face.

Not on your watch.

“Jack, get outta here!” You screamed. Jack looked at you.

“No!”

“Jack! Just do it!”

“But-”

“GO!” He was so startled that he dodged his last punch and ran up into the catwalk of Medda’s place. You fought off the Delancies and ran. Turning around only when you herald CRutchie scream for mercy.

You turn and see the delancies and Spider standing over him.

“Crutch!” You scream and run back over even faster than you had running away, barreling over sand bags and loose wires.

The Delancies and Snider watched you and left CRutchie alone coming after you instead. You watched as Crutchie crawled away.

Morris came at you with a swing. You easily dodged it and threw him into his brother who stumbled back into Snider. You laughed and turned, about to make your get away. Instead you ran straight into an officer who threw you back onto the floor. Morris and Oscar attacked, like hungry piranhas, though they at least were prettier and smelled better.

You felt pain erupt all over you until it was gone and you felt nothing, saw nothing, and for a few hours were nothing…

Jack stumbled back into the Manhattan Newsies’ terf. The boys were all hanging around, checking on each other after the brawl.

He couldn’t believe they got Crutchie.

“Damn Crip,” he mumbled, shaking his head, not knowing what to do next.

“Jack!” he looked up when Race called his name. He came running up to him. “Jack, where Scab?”

“Scab?” Jack’s eyes widened. No. They couldn’t have gotten you, too. You-you had run. He saw you.

He heard the familiar Thunk Thunk of a crutch. He looked up and saw Crutchie a bit battered, but alive and here.

“Crutchie!?” The crippled boy swallowed, tears in his eyes.

“They-they got ‘er, Jack.” he rasped out. “Jack-they they got ‘er.”

He collapsed, his crutch falling out from under him. Jack caught him and Race left, letting them talk alone.

“Who’s her, Crutchie? WHo’s got her? How did you escape?” Crutchie swallowed.

“Y/N, they got, Y/N.”

“Who has her,” Jack said, a bit confused not knowing Crutchie had himself a girl.

“Snider!” He exploded, hitting Jack’s chest. “They got ‘er, Jack! They got ‘er.” He sobbed, his voice breaking.

“Ok, ok. How did he get your girl, Crutchie. Just calm down and explain it.” Crutchie stared at him for a second not understanding why he was acting like he was until he realized he used your real name.

Crutchie settled himself and took a breath.

“Jack, Y/N is Scab.” Jack stared at his friend for a moment.

“What?’ Crutches sighed and lowered himself to the ground.

“I think you need to have a seat, Jack.

You had woken up in the refuge, staring at the ceiling, a thin stream of moonlight streamed through the small barred slit in the wall that was considered a “window”. You were almost as wanted as Jack was. Only the best accommodations for the Enemy number 2, right?

You sighed and shivered as the wind blew in and froze your toes, the scratchy, old, thin blanket doing nothing to protect you.

“Y/N!” You look up to see Crutchie at the slit in the wall. You eyes widen and you spring up, running to him.

“Crutch! What are you doin’ here. Are you dumb or something?”

“I needed to make sure you were ok, kid.” You sighed. “Are you ok?”

“Yeah,” you put your head on the bars. “How are the boys? Everyone makes it out alright?”

“Yeah, but I have someone who wants ta see ya.”

He stepped out of the way and revealed Jack. You stared at him and knew immediately that he knew. That Crutchie had told him. You had never wanted to kill the boy who was like your brother more in your life.

“Hey, Scab, how ya doin’?”

“You told him,” you glared at Crutchie and he looked away, not being able to meet your eyes. “The hell, Crutch!” You shouted as loud as you dared. Snider was listening… always was… and you didn’t want to get the boys caught.

“Scab-er-Y/N, are you ok?” Jack asked, concern filling his expression. You looked at him, grateful for the street lights that hid your face, yet illuminated his.

“I’m fine, Jack. Did anyone else get caught?”

They shook their heads and you sighed.

“Good.” You heard footsteps coming down the hall. You looked over your shoulder and swallowed. They heard you. They had to of.”You guys should get going.”

“But-”

“Do yous wanna get caught?” he swallowed and shook his head.

“We’ll get you outta here.”

“No, Jacky-boy, I don’t think you will. Do the strike and do it good. Win.” He opened his mouth to object, but you looked at Crutchie. “Get ‘im and yourself outta here before yous get caught.” He looked down and tugged Jack’s sleeve, pulling him away from you. As they made their way down the fire escapes he caught a glimpse of you in the light and his eyes widened with horror as he took in your face. Bloodied, bruised, and puffy. They had got you good… and that was not going to fly...

#crutchie newsies #newsies #new fic #jack kelly #jack kelly x reader #jack kelly x newsies #Jack kelly x y/n #Jack kelly x you #crutchie x you #crutchie x reader #crutchy x y/n #crutchie x newsies

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sterling-starlight · 4 years

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No Texting During Drama Club

Me: Alright! Week two of Vesuvian pride is all about the modern day AUs, I can do this!

*Eight pages later*

What happened? (Pen pals/online friends meeting in person for the first time. Not quite as adherent to the prompt, but I think it works well enough)

Unknown Sender

3:30 PM.

“-heard u have a&p with prof valdemar. If you let me copy ur notes, I will owe u pizza for the rest of our lives.

-this is Julian, btw. from the theater club.

-in case u thought this was some, u know, random creep.”

You

3:35 PM

“-Fine. But only because no one deserves to be failed by Valdemar.

-I’ll drop them off at the dressing room tomorrow. I like pineapple and olive pizza.”

Unknown Sender

3:37 PM

“-pineapple doesn’t belong on pizza, u monster!

-sigh. but I'll let it slide since you’re saving my ass.”

You

3:41 PM

“-Did you really just type out ‘sigh’?”

Unknown Sender

3:43 PM

“-….

-Yes.”

----------------

You

6:30 PM

“-So, hey. Congrats on getting to play Hamlet.”

Julian

6:34 PM

“-not the most original production we’ve done, but a role’s a role. seeing Lucio’s face when he realized he wasn’t the star was worth it.”

You

6:40 PM

“-Remind me who that is.

I’m seriously drawing a blank here.”

Julian

6:43 PM

“-blonde. rich. Insufferable. loud.

-he has that fancy prosthetic arm that somehow makes him better than everyone.”

You

6:50 PM

“-Oooooooooh. Him.

-He doesn’t really come to bother us production people unless he wants to bitch about costuming or the sets. Which is a lot.”

Julian

6:55 PM

“-i think I've heard you chew him out a few times. Ur the girl with the venterran accent, right?”

You

7:01 PM

“-Aye.

-Surprised you could even understand me. Not a lot of people can when I get PO’d.”

Julian

7:10 PM

“-i understood enough to know you called him a prick.

-my mom and dad took me to venterre once. it was almost as pretty as you.”

You

7:20

“-Wow.

-That was horrible and you should feel horrible.”

Julian

7:12

“-I have no shame, and never will, my dear.”

-------------------------------------

Julian

3:00 AM

“-natalia

“-hey, natalia.”

“-tali”

Julian 3:05 AM

“-how did people in the middle ages first think to start using leeches?

“-like, did they stick leeches on themselves and realize that pain and blood loss and disease was the medicine?”

You

3:06 AM

“Jules, it is 3 in the goddamn morning. Go to bed.”

Julian

3:07 AM

“I work the graveyard shift at supermarket. it’s my lunchtime.”

You

3:08 AM

“-Then fuckin eat your lunch and let normal people sleep before I cram it up your ass.”

Julian

3:10 AM

“- I can think of much more fun things we can do.”

You

3:15 AM

“-Fuck you, I’m going back to sleep.”

-----------------------

Jules

2:30 PM

“-So you really had a pet ram as a kid?”

You

2:31 PM

“-Technically, I still do. I just couldn’t bring him with me.

“-my flat allows large dogs, but won’t allow rams? It’s bullshit.”

Jules

2:32 PM

“-rams aren’t really normal pets tho.”

You

2:33 PM

“-Says the guy who has a pet crow.”

Jules

2:34 PM

“-malak is a raven, number 1.

-number 2, he is an absolute delight. how dare you say otherwise?

You

2:40

“-Rufus is better.

“-Behold the glory”

Jules

2:50 PM

“-oh, so it’s a pet off then? Fine! May the cutest animal win!”

You

3:00 PM

“-Fine!”

Jules

3:05 PM

“-Have at you!”

-------------------------------------

When Natalia’s phone rang, she was actually shocked to see Julian’s caller id flash on the screen. They had never actually... talked on the phone before.

The worst-case scenarios instantly popped into her head. Was he hurt? Did something happen? What if this was the hospital calling her to say he was in critical condition. Why would he put her as an emergency medical contact without telling her?!

Her phone buzzed again, more insistently, and she pressed the answer button with a trembling finger.

“Hello?”

“Oh, hi~” The feminine voice from the other line was definitely not Julian, not even at his most dramatic falsetto. And she sounded too chipper to be the bearer of doom and death. Natalia let out a breath she hadn’t been aware she’d been holding. “This is... Tali? Right?”

“It’s Natalia, actually. Who is this?”

“My name is Portia! I’m Ilya’s- oh, sorry. One sec,” Portia put a hand over the speaker, muffling the commotion on her side of the line. There was thumping, shuffling, and her shouting “You have her listed as ‘My Dearest Tali’, Ilya! Come on!”

A voice that sounded somewhat like Julian’s shouted back something, but Natalia couldn’t hear it clearly. There was a sound like static or rushing wind, before a door slammed and Portia let out a triumphant laugh. Portia’s voice fully came back on the line. “Sorry. But, yeah. I’m Ilya’s little sister. I would have liked to meet you in person, but my brother is completely hopeless.” Someone thumped against the door, and Portia lowered the phone again. “You know I’m right!” She yelled at the door.

Back to normal. “Aaaanyway. He’s been lamenting, and sighing, and wallowing over whether or not he should ask you out. So! You wanna go on a date with him?”

Natalia opened and closed her mouth a few times, wordless sounds escaping. She was sure her face was burning pink. She could feel the heat spreading from her cheeks to her neck. “Take your time. I can be in here all day.” Portia said casually. Natalia could almost picture her reclining back casually on whatever it was she was sitting on.

“Ah- Ah,” Natalia finally managed to choke out. She took in a deep breath, and let it out in a slow whistle. “...if he really wants tae.” She finally said.

“Oh, he does. Trust me, I know him better than anyone.” Natalia could hear Portia’s smile through the phone. Distantly, a lock clicked and a door swung open. “She said yes, Ilyushka. You can thank me later.”

“That wasn’t- you’re missing the-!” Julian stammered. He took a breath and lifted the phone to his ear. “Listen, whatever Pasha said, you can just forget it. Really. It’s nothing.”

For a moment, Natalia found herself stunned by the sound of his voice. It wasn’t anything new to her. She had heard it from behind thick velvet curtains and up on catwalks. She had heard him bellow for lost love mournfully, monologue passionately, and condemn his enemies. But those were all characters. Hamlet, and Romeo, and Othello. None of them had been Julian Devorak. Not really.

“Natalia?” His voice broke her out of her stupor, and sent a shiver down her spine. The way his tongue curled around the syllables of her name, like he had never spoken anything more sacred, sent her heart aflame in the best possible way.

“Julian.” She spoke his name barely above whisper. Natalia leaned against her desk for support, head spinning. When had- how did- why didn’t he- she- they-? She took in a breath through her nose, just as Julian heaved a resigned sigh.

“Good night, Tali.”

“No, wait, Julian! Don’t-!” The dial tone droning in her ear was all she got. And when she tried calling him, all she got was his voice mail.

Try again. Voice mail.

You

8:00 PM

“-Julian, you asshole! Pick up your phone!”

*Last Read by Jules at 8:05 PM.

--------------

Natalia Valeth was not a quitter.

She hadn’t given up when she left her home country to become a pharmacist. She hadn’t lost hope when she didn’t make the cut to be on the acting team. She didn’t back down even as Professor Valdemar verbally tore the first draft of her thesis to shreds. So, when she drove to the community theater the very next weekend, she was a woman on a mission.

She was hours early for once, but not so early that the doors to the theater weren’t already unlocked. The only person who would wake up at the ass crack of dawn for theater was Julian, and that was exactly what Natalia was betting on. She threw open the auditorium doors with a resounding bang that echoed resoundingly all throughout the room. Sitting on the edge of the stage was Julian, who looked up at her when she made her entrance. The script he had been looking over listlessly fell from his grip, scattering like leaves in the wind. In such a quiet room, Natalia could hear him curse as if she were right at his side. She steeled herself and marched down the steps of the auditorium, stopping less than an arm’s length away from were Julian sat on his haunches collecting the papers.

“We need tae talk. Face tae face this time.”

“Do we?” Julian finally collected the script and rose to his full height. Despite having a good foot on Natalia, he had never looked smaller gunmetal gray eyes looking everywhere but at her. He turned his back on her to tap the pages crisply against the stage.

“You bet yer ass we dae! Whit th’ hell urr ye thinking’s? Whit, did ye think ignoring this wid mak’ it go away?”

“...Maybe a little.”

“Och! Yer impossible!” Natalia threw her hands up with the exclamation. “Did ye think Ah juist said ‘aye’ tae fuck wi’ ye? A’m waantin’ tae gang oan a date wi’ ye! Mibbie even twa! If we feel really crazy, we’ll mak’ it three.”

It might not have been the three magical worlds that would have been most dramatic. If this were a stage production, this would be the part where the lights would dim, and the spotlight would narrow over the two lovers, giving the illusion that they were the only two people in the world. With the theater as empty as it was, they might as well have been.

“Do you... Do you mean that?”

Such vulnerability didn't seem like Julian. Julian could throw out innuendos as easily as breathing. Julian was overly dramatic in everything he did, even when he wasn’t in front of an adoring audience. But it was the Julian who wanted to be a doctor. It was the Julian who looked at all the pandemics of the past, and wondered why so many people had to die. The Julian who was wound up so tightly like he was bracing himself for ejection like it would come as a physical blow.

Sarcasm felt like it would just add fuel to the fire, so Natalia opted for compassion instead. When she brushed her hand against Julian’s cheek, he leaned into it like he needed her touch the same way needed air.

“I’m willin tae huv a go at this.” She said gently, like everything would shatter around them if she was too abrasive. “Ye in?”

“Absolutely.” Julian placed a hand over hers and tilted his head enough to plant a shy, fleeting kiss to her palm.

Maybe this would end in a romance for the ages. Maybe this would end in tragedy. Whatever happened, it was better than not pursing it at all.

#Vesuvian Pride 2020 #vp2020 #julian devorak #natalia valeth #julian x mc #the used alchemy to combine college aus with drama club aus #in which Portia tries to play wingman but Julian is too busy being insecure to appreciate it #the arcana #the arcana game

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thewildheroine · 5 years

Text

Fly Away |Part Thirty-Three|

Warnings: Abuse mentions, coma, severe injury, minor gore, near death, nightmares

Word Count: 4.5K

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

A/N: Ok so this is literally my favorite chapter that I’ve ever written. I just love it a lot. Like... fnjbejkwbjkfbk it just makes me happy. I hope you guys enjoy it just as much as I did and if you like it please reblog loves!!!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

(OH! and a lot of old dialogue/lines were brought back in this chapter. (; )

|Masterlist|

She suffered from severe laceration all over her body, the majority on her back, eight broken ribs, a broken collarbone, a dislocated shoulder, a concussion, a puncture wound just below her right hip, a deep stab wound that caused internal bleeding, a collapsed lung, and a bruising along her spine.

The woman pauses. I don’t know who she is, but Stephen keeps calling her Christine. She sounds like a doctor from the way she speaks. If I astral projected I could see if I was right. I don’t want to use magic right now. All I want to do is sleep.

Our scans haven’t shown any serious or long-lasting damage to her brain but we won’t know for sure until she wakes up. She taps her foot on the floor, considering what to say next. Stephen, can I speak to you alone? I hadn’t known there was anyone else here with us. The other person doesn’t speak, doesn’t grunt or disagree. Whoever it is just stands and leaves.

Once they’re gone and the door shuts the woman begins speaking again.

I understand that magic and spell-casting is your line of work Stephen —

The mystical arts.

I scoff to myself.

—but you’re bringing kids into it now? She’s sixteen!

I’m not the one who brought her into it in the first place, Christine! Stephen yells back. I pray no one hears them. It was her piece of shit father who forced her to do this when she was a toddler. I only wanted to protect her and I…

His voice trails off, but I know what he was going to say next. I failed. That was going to be the next word. Failed. After that summary of my injuries, I might be tempted to believe it.

I’m sorry Stephen. I didn’t—

It’s okay, he reassures her . I just—I wanted to keep her safe even when I didn’t actually care. When I found her she was a nuisance but she was my responsibility. Now she’s still my responsibility and she’s definitely still a nuisance, I chuckle in response, but she’s special. Now when I actually do care and she’s hurt I—I feel like…

I feel the faintest sensation of a rough, scarred hand covering my own. The energy around it is pained… sad. I frown and try to grab it back. No matter how much I will it though my fingers refuse to move.

Like my heart has been ripped out of my chest.

She’ll be okay Stephen, Christine reassures him. She’s going to wake up.

There’s silence. I will my mouth to move while there is a chance for me to be heard, but my lips stay locked together, unable to open.

She won’t forgive me though, he tells her. I tried to save her. I sacrificed myself so she could get out, and yet she still ended up hurt. Her body will heal, but what about her mind? Y/N’s father had already hurt her so much. What will this do to her?

If she’s anything like you, she touches my other hand, then the pain will allow her the opportunity to grow.

Stephen doesn’t reply to Christine’s encouragement. Instead, his other hand wraps around mine. Christine’s fingers pull away from me and I listen as she crosses the hospital room, stopping at the doorway.

Don’t stay too long, okay Stephen?

He says nothing. The door shuts with a soft thud, leaving the two of us alone.

I think I hear him sob.

Stephen had left a long time ago. At least it felt like it did. He left and the other person who was here with me never came back. By the lack of noise, I assume it must be night time. Just like when I came back home.

Being in this state, a coma they said, it feels like I’m sitting outside my own mind, blind and only able to hear. I know I’m still apart of my body, but it just doesn’t feel like it. It feels like I’m floating. Like I’m rising higher and higher without any fear of the consequences. I can’t seem to remember what it’s like to be one with myself.

At least I can sleep.

I’m falling.

The sun hangs above me, calling for me to come back. I don’t reach out though. My arms stay locked to my side and I keep falling.

I wonder when I’m going to hit the ground. Each sound makes me flinch, but the impact never comes. Soon enough I’m more annoyed by the dream than frightened. I’m falling. The sun is shouting. I never meet the earth below.

I feel my hair around my face, resisting gravity and pulling upward. My dress does the same. It’s the same dress I wore during the press conference.

I had done things, said things, that I wasn’t proud of. Even. Now I’m working to accept that some of what I did wasn’t my fault.

My father’s face flashes in front of my face.

Whatever you do, it will be influenced by me, by the experiences you’ve had because of me.

“Stop it,” I beg softly.

You’ll never escape my hold. I’ll always be a nagging voice in your head, one that you will listen to.

“Please…”

I’ll always be a part of you, Y/N.

“Stop it!” I reassert. He’s still there.

You can’t kill me in any way that matters.

“STOP!”

I find myself staring in the mirror sometimes and listing off all of the things I hate about myself until I’m saying things that aren’t even real or just flat out don’t fucking matter at the end of the day.

I’m falling.

My arms feel a little looser, but I still can’t reach out for the sun. The ground does not come to claim me.

I’ve never done this. Goodbyes I mean. I never had the chance to. My mother died before hello, my father disappeared without leaving so much as a note, and people have left my life before I could even find a way to care enough to say goodbye.

I want to stop falling.

It’s you guys or me. My magic or the end I fear more than anything else. Your end. The end of everyone I love.

I just want to sleep.

This is the story of how I come to the end of myself.

Let me touch the sun.

Thank you for loving me in all the ways I never thought a person could and then loving me more. I may have found my end, but thank you for making it a good one.

The sun.

This was the story of how I came to the end of myself. I am the Icarus… And I have loved the sun far too deeply not to burn for it.

I only want to touch the sun.

But I’m falling.

It enhances her in ways she doesn’t even understand yet.

Green flashes in front of my eyes, tinting the gold sun.

I’m saying Y/N would be our only hope.

I can move my hands.

It has always been a part of her and we have absolutely no right to remove it from her without her wanting it too.

Feeling returns to my forearms.

Your magic which enhanced the time stone.

I roll my shoulders.

Your magic was a gift from destiny itself and by fusing the time stone with it you were able to gain full access to its powers.

I reach towards the sun.

Your magic is your soul, and as long as you’re alive your soul will want to come home.

And I finally meet the ground.

I don’t want to sleep anymore.

There’s the sudden rustling of plastic as someone enters my room. The monitor next to me beeps consistently.

Like always, I’m sitting in the passenger seat of my own body. No one except for Christine has been coming in lately. She talks to me like I’m going to miraculously open my mouth and reply. She tells me the time, luckily, as well as the weather, the news. She even tells me who is coming in to see me. That’s how I know it’s Tony who walks through the door.

I listen as he walks to my bedside and places something down. He paces the perimeter of my room for a moment before finally settling in the creeky chair designated for me. Maybe they think it will wake me up sooner.

I brought you flowers, he tells me. A sort of weird tradition to me since they die so quickly. Little ironic for a hospital. Not that I’m saying you’re going to die. You’re too stubborn for that. He speaks like he’s distracted, but I guess he usually is. His fingers tap against a machine by my head.

You know, I’m sort of hoping you can’t hear any of this, Tony says. Rhodey says he didn’t hear my whole coma speech while he was out and neither did Happy. Knowing you, you probably will remember this for some reason.

There’s a lull as though he’s finally taking a moment to take in my appearance. The chair creaks.

Why?

I roll my eyes. “I’m pretty sure you guys already had this discussion.”

I get why you saved us and the Earth because of the whole hero thing. That I can understand. But why did you trust us, Y/N?

Oh.

You had no reason to, he continues. You’re father… he practically tortured you. You were abused mentally, verbally and physically. You were abandoned and used over and over again. He came back only to taunt you. There was no reason for you to trust any of us. After what happened to you people might say it was dumb of you to trust us. Yet you did.

I smile. “Yet I did,” I reply.

We didn’t do much to deserve it.

“Neither did I.”

We kidnapped you from school, tossed you in Bruce’s lab and let Strange deal with you.

I laugh.

What I’m trying to say is sorry.

“Don’t.”

I’m sorry for dragging you into this.

“Stop it, Tony.”

Maybe if we just let you live your life you wouldn’t be here in need of a coma monologue.

“You’re right.” I wish he could hear me. “I might’ve ended up somewhere worse.”

I’m also saying thank you, Y/N, Tony says. I know you were never one for trust. Trusting adults at least. Why should you have been though? What with your father. But I want you to know that I have never felt so much genuine pleasure as I did when I realized you trusted me. You had no reason to. I pulled you from the life you knew, I forced that stupid fucking bracelet on you, I forced you into being an Avenger, but you trusted me. So wake up. Someday just wake up so I can yell at you for drinking too much coffee and tease you for kissing Peter. Just wake up, and I promise I will show you I am worth trusting.

The chair creaks again, telling me he got up. I have a press conference today. Since you messed with time we went back to a couple of days after your interview and everyone is making me handle the news. I listen as he walks back towards the door, stops, walks back towards me and ruffles my hair.

“Really?” I chide angrily.

Have fun in your coma, Y/N. He opens the door to leave again. I’ll see you later.

I’m falling.

The part where I hit the ground is coming up.

I reach for the sky, but this time I land on something cold. It’s freezing in fact. Tilting my head to the side, I look to see where I am. Below me is a rippling black mass. I jolt and try to push myself, but the tar of Dormammu’s hand is holding me down. All I can do is stare up and into his neon purple eyes.

But they’re not purple.

They’re the color of my father’s.

His gaze is sharp and unyielding. He glares down at me like I’m a worthless ant that happened below his foot.

When will you realize this single lesson Y/N? You are not the hero of this story. You are the Icarus. You yearned for the light and warmth the sun provided you with after never having seen it. Y/N, you were destined to fall at some point. We all are. This hope you harbor within yourself was just the catalyst to your own destruction.

I sob weakly as the darkness begins to pull me in. “Just let me touch the sun.”

You’re worthless, he tells me.

“The sun.”

You were born worthless, the tar wraps over my mouth and I’m suddenly tugged under, and you will die worthless.

Hey Blue. His voice pulls me out of the darkness.

Peter.

Sorry for not staying long yesterday, he says. So he was the other person in my room. After your doctor asked me to leave I went to go check on everyone. Then I wanted to swing around the city.

“You were distracting yourself,” I reply, even though he can’t hear me. Even though I can’t open my mouth.

I may have been trying to distract myself.

I laugh.

You know when you left me at Kamar-taj, guilt shoots through me, I thought you were gonna come back a lot quicker. I thought I was gonna open my eyes and boom, you’d be standing in front of me looking victorious. Like you’d just conquered the world. Like you had just saved the world.

The chair creaks. I hear something sounding like a backpack full of books hit the floor.

Cause that's what you did. You saved us all. You killed Dormammu. You turned back time, he exclaims. You were the hero…

But you don't look like you've won, he whispers. You —you—

Something sounding like choking comes from where Peter is sitting.

You just look hurt, Y/N. His hand finds mine. I just want to hold it back. I just want to hold his hand. You're so pale and there are so many cuts. How did you get so many cuts?

“It's okay Peter.”

I feel so helpless, Y/N, he confesses. There's nothing I can do to help you and I'm supposed to be Spider-Man. I'm supposed to save people, so why couldn't I save you?

“I had to save myself, Peter.” He squeezes my hand hard. I hold back my wince “I had to be my own hero in this story.”

I don’t want to tell you to wake up, he says. You deserve to sleep, Y/N. After all you’ve been through. You deserve the chance to really rest for once. You have suffered more than I can ever comprehend. All you’ve been through, all you’ve done is a testament to how strong you had to be. For once you don’t have to be strong anymore. You can sleep.

If you are somehow awake in there though, he continues, then I want to say this at least. The day you left, you told me you loved me. I never said it back. I feel a familiar pair of lips on my own. They’re so soft. Softer than the day I left. I want to kiss him back but I stay locked to the bed, unmoving, unresponsive. He stays close even when we break apart so I can feel his breath on my skin.

I love you, Y/N L/N, he proclaims. You’re my hero and I love you for that and so much more.

Beeping suddenly fills the room, though it’s not from the monitor. Peter’s presence over me disappears and I’m left cold on the hospital bed.

I have to go now, he informs me, but I want you to know you can stay asleep for as long as you need to Y/N. You deserve to sleep. You deserve the damn universe, but if all you want is to sleep then you sleep. Just remember that whenever you wake up I’ll be around. You could sleep a thousand years and I would find a way to be with you when you wake up. Maybe try to aim for the tomorrow though.

Then Peter’s gone

And I’m falling again.

Every time I have this dream or see these visions there’s always something different. Every time something changes.

This time I’m not falling.

I’m running.

I’m running on air. Running straight down towards the ground. Oblivion. I can’t help but wonder what happens when I meet the ground. I hear the feral sound of Dormammu above me, his hand chasing me down. The planets are falling in on Earth, destroying everything.

I keep running.

People have been coming in the past couple of days. My friends, the Avengers. At least I think they have been. They weren’t loud enough and their presence didn’t make the dream end. Now I can’t stop running. The dream won’t end because I can’t reach the ground and I certainly won’t touch the sun. Dormammu might catch me first.

I remember the feeling of my ribs breaking. The memory makes me collapse. All the pain at that moment is surreal and the dream slows to match my new pace: a weak crawl.

Hey Y/N. Stephen.

“Wake me up,” I beg to him. He can’t hear me though. No one can. I am silent.

I always pitied people who would try talking to those they loved while they were in a coma, he tells me. The chair creaks. I keep crawling from death. It seemed so desperate to me. Last resort. Congratulations Y/N. You’ve managed to bring me to the last resort. I don’t know where to start though…

I feel my collarbone snap. The scream that tears itself out of my throat brings with it blood. Too much blood.

I used to have a sister you know? God, she was nearly as stubborn as you. Nearly. She’s the reason I became a doctor. She did pass away though.

“Stephen.” I try to force my mouth to move. I try to force my fingers to flex or my eyes to flutter. My body remains paralyzed on the bed though.

I feel my dad’s kick to my stomach.

My sister got sick, and she depended on me to save her, but I couldn’t. You’re a lot like her. That same glow in your eyes, the same humor, the compassion, but there is the smallest difference in your persistence.

My fingers are beginning to bleed from clawing at the air. Every breath is like being stabbed. I feel the force of an explosion throw me onto the side, the fire singing my skin. I keep crawling. Dormammu lets out another monstrous scream.

My sister wouldn’t give up on me, Stephen continues. You, Y/N? You never ever give up on yourself. You’re so strong.

“I don’t want to be strong anymore,” I whimper.

There hasn’t been a day where the universe hasn’t wanted to run you six feet under. Every day there is a new struggle. Every day the same villains come back to haunt you. But you’re so damn stubborn. Even when you seem to be gone, even when you believe you’ve given up on yourself, you’re still fighting. You refuse to lay down and beg for mercy. You want to have faith. You want to be the hero. You want to live.

My hands stop clawing at the air. I stop feeling pain. Dormammu’s hand stops chasing me. The dream stops.

“I want to live.”

That’s what’s so special about you. I’ve never met someone who wants to live as much as you. Even when you’re walking towards death itself, I start moving towards the ground again, you’re clinging to life. You’ve always had your hands around it. In your sixteen years of life, you’ve become the greatest treasure death can hope to possess. The pain in my chest fades away. You lay your life on the line, but you always hope for the great escape.

I can breathe again

Don’t stop being stubborn now.

I stand.

Don’t let death creep up on you. If you find that you can’t be stubborn anymore, let me be stubborn for you. Let me remind you that you are the most heroic, persistent, compassionate, and complex person I’ve had the pleasure of meeting.

I turn towards Dormammu.

Let me promise you that you won’t be waking up for nothing.

I wait and listen.

Stark and I, we have an idea, Stephen tells me. I want to take you under my wing Y/N. I want you to be a real prodigy. My prodigy. I can take you to Kamar-taj and teach you everything I can.

I spread my arms out. Deep inside I can feel my magic humming in preparation.

With me becoming the Sorcerer Supreme, Wong suggested something to me. It’s only a suggestion. If you’d accept, we- I would like you to be Guardian. It’s an old practice. The role hasn’t been used for hundreds of years, but I think you would be worth bringing it back for.

I smile up at Dormammu.

Then one day, you would take my place.

My feet disconnect from the air, and I fall backward.

I can hear the heart rate monitor. I can hear the shrill beep that announces I’m flatlining. I can hear Stephen shout my name, I can hear the doctors rush in but most of all I hear the wind. It bursts past my face, shooting through my hair and curling around my finger tips.

“Running just seems to be all I’m good at.”

The wind is magic. It’s my magic. It’s mine to bend and shape and enhance. The wind is mine to use. All I need is wings.

“Hey, Y/N, you are an incredible person and I know that running away can’t be all-”

“But I am good at it. That’s what you’re saying, right Vera? That hey, you can do magic and shit pretty well but yeah, you are pretty good at running.”

The ground is coming closer. Stephen is still screaming at me to get up. I will. I will get up.

As he said, I want to live.

“I had the choice to run away right then and there. You knew I had my sling ring on me but I stayed.”

“Why?”

“Because I am so fucking sick of running.”

Finally, I turn my head to the sky. I look past Dormammu, past the falling planets and I see the sun. I raise my hand towards it.

I had a moment to learn how to crawl...

A familiar weight collects on my back. One that I’ve missed dearly.

...A second to walk...

My magic hums excitedly in my fingers. It’s ready. I’m ready.

...A minute to begin running...

It’s time for me to stop running away from the sun. This entire time I’ve been falling away from it. All this time I’ve only been reaching for it as I let myself come closer and closer to the ground. Now I know what I need to do.

I unfurl my blue wings. The wind bends around them, pushing past the feathers and magic within them.

...All without falling…

Everything is screaming around me. Dormammu, the planets, the heart monitor, Stephen, my magic, the wind. Everything is screaming except for me. I am the center of the hurricane.

...Before I forced myself to jump…

I want to live.

...And fly away.

My wings snap against the wind, pulling away from the ground and towards the sky. Everything in between doesn’t matter. It is only the ground, the sun, and me. Everything else disintegrates. Dormammu, the planets, the scream. It’s just me flying towards the sun, basking in the warmth it is offering.

I pound my wings harder and harder, the exhilaration of finally feeling it on my fingers motivating me to go higher faster. It is so close. Close enough for me to feel it in my heart, filling my veins. The sun is home. It is what I fell for and it is what I will rise for.

This is the story of how I only came to the beginning of myself.

I am the Icarus…

And I have loved the sun far too deeply not to fly for it.

“Y/N!” That is the very first thing I hear as I’m waking up. Then a beep. Just one for a moment. Then another and another until the noise has turned consistent.

My fingers clench around the covers, squeezing the blankets.

I can move.

I sigh, more thankful than I’ve ever been and start opening my eyes.

At first, it is only light. Bright white light that makes me wince and turn my head away. There’s something on my face, around my nose and mouth. I don’t pay much attention to it for now. I’m too focused on feeling. Something in my chest aches horribly. Like someone lit it on fire for the past minute just to see what would happen. The rest of my body hurts, but not in that way. Everything else feels much number. The pain in my stomach, my collar bone, my head. It all just pulses faintly. A small reminder of all that’s happened.

Then there’s a hand on my own, scarred and ruined and familiar. I try to smile despite the stinging in my face where I must’ve gotten cut by debris. It hurts but I think I succeed in making the corners of my lips turn upwards.

“Y/N?” Stephen asks this time as though he needs to check that I am, in fact, alive. I turn my hand over and squeeze his fingers.

Opening my eyes again I look up. The light is still there but it isn’t as bright as before. I can finally see that the thing on my face is a resuscitation mask and the burning sensation was from the defibrillator on the metal table.

I look at Stephen last. He’s staring at me, just staring. It looks like he’s watching a ghost.

Fearfully, I look down at my hands to make sure I’m actually connected to my body and not floating around in my astral form.

When I’m positive that I’m really here I reach up with my free hand to pull off the mask. Stephen sees what I intend to do before I do it. He pulls it off for me instead and places it on the metal table.

I blink my eyes hard to try and get rid of the blurriness that almost feels stiff. Nothing feels right. Everything is just a little warped. Not much but enough for me to notice. My eyes feel useless.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Stephen reassures, capturing my attention again. “It’s going to take a bit before you get your bearings. Just stay calm.”

I nod, my head feeling like a ton of bricks. I try to come up with something to say. Something that might relieve the tension. There are still doctors standing around, making sure I don’t die again.

“Well,” I croak, my voice rough from not being used for so long, “that was horrible.”

A/N: I’m going to begin cross-posting Fly Away as well as my other stories on @thewildheroine-archives

For anyone who would like to not wait for me to upload the rest, the other chapters are already on my Ao3. Thank you for taking the time to read. Please comment what you thought or reblog.

If you’d like to be tagged let me know :)

Tag List

@jadepc / @paigeyisme / @unlikelygalaxygiver / @lubrielx / @why-am-i-here-again-shitheads / @nexitye / @akarah-sommah / @literally-just-for-fanfics / @dizzy--izzy / @artofotherness / @georgiiamat / @asianromelle / @prancingdestiel / @bands-and-shietz / @the-fandom-ness / @anise-d-castle6 / @purplecactl / @mummy-woves-you / @saturn-aka-six / @alilblogger / @star-gaziing / @southsidespidey / @hansbrak / @sincereleygmg / @taegukgis / @rachelscosplay

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phoenixfeatherquillwriting · 5 years

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From the I Love You prompts--#6? 💖

Hi Veronica, sorry it took me so long to answer this. I had finals to get through and then I couldn’t figure out for the life of me who I wanted to write this for… and then Tumblr ate my entire draft. Anyway, now might be a good time to introduce you, briefly,to Rissa and Ione? Thank you for your patience.

It was one of those especially bad headaches, the kind whereher skull felt too full of pressure and her mind too full of other people’s noise. Her temples felt like they might explode. But of course, they never did. She just had to deal with the debilitating pain from a cacophony no one else in her makeshift family could hear.

Ione was a telepath. Well, she hadn’t always been, but she was now. Telekinesis was one thing; she’d grown up with it, come to love its familiar presence in her life like an old friend. Telepathy, though, was a tricky beast; thirteen years on and she was still getting the hang of taming it.

She’d always been naturally quiet. She didn’t mind listeningfar more than she spoke and had no qualms with keeping secrets for the sake of her friends. She’d even come to appreciate her “seventh sense” at times. But there were days where there was simply too much chatter, too many voices, everything too fast, too loud. She imagined standing in the center of a train station built underground so it echoed with shouts and the force of the trains shook passerby to the core would be quieter than this. On days like this, she longed for the times when her own mind had been a place of muted refuge. Hers and no one else’s.

Somehow, Ione managed to get herself out of bed and ready for the day. She chose to spend the morning tending to the garden, something soothing. Soon, harvest time would grant them full baskets of home-grown vegetables and fruits. Half-blind from the pain, she navigated the garden mostly by memory, thinking about Rissa.

Her best friend and partner had been almost completely blinded in one eye over ten years before. It was around that time that Ione started to see, along with her comrades, how sadistic her employ (that being a generous term) could be, even to her own. It had been Siab Phem’s* cruelty and miscalculations that caused Rissa’s “punishment” to go so horribly wrong. Years later, Rissa could differentiate light from dark on her injured side and make out the outlines of larger shapes, but her level of remaining vision was at best ten percent of what she saw with her healthy eye. To her, the right side of the world always looked something like what Ione was seeing now.

With one sense largely diminished and another working overtime, it was no surprise that Ione ended up wandering away from her intended path. It was a surprise when she found herself doused in cold water. She’d stumbled directly into the “line of fire” Rissa created with her hyrdokenisis to water some of the sapling trees.

“Heads up Ione! Look out!” She guided her girlfriend behind a larger, sturdier growth before she finished the job. Returning to Ione’s side, she asked “What’s gotten into you?”

Even talking hurt. “Headache, bad. Can’t see very well.”

“Can’t see very well, you say? Well, that makes two of us.”

She tried to laugh at the joke but wasn’t sure she managed it.

“Where were you trying to go, huh?”

“Toward where the squash and beans are growing.”

“Oh, that’s not far. You just went left instead of right. C’mon.” Gently taking Ione’s elbow, she started back towards her earlier path.

“How do you know to go right when you can’t see exactly where right is?”

“By smell. Everything’s ripened up now, so its easy. Maybe I’ll put a blindfold on you sometime and see how you do.” She gave a playful shove, gentle, but still enough that Ione whimpered.

“Oh damn it! I’m sorry! Come here” she pulled the other close to her, wrapped her in a safe hug. Ione buried her face in Rissa’s neck and tried to breathe deeply.

“How bad this time?”

“The worst its been since we came here.”

The escape from such a toxic environment and the chance to rebuild a place for their own had wonderous effects on Ione’s mental health. Well, that was true for all of them. Rissa’s and Aris’ minds seemed better than they had in years. Rissa no longer felt that she was broken. The bitter anger was still there, of course it was, but it spent more time on the backburner of her thoughts these days. Aris found it easier to believe there was goodness in her, that she deserved happiness. Her apprentice, Katri, was no longer so fearful.

Rissa made a sympathetic noise. “We’ll fix you up, I promise. I’m gonna help you, just hang in there for me, raindrop.” A common pet name among hydrokinetics, it was one of many affectionate names Rissa had for her. A large water bubble enveloped the two of them as they hugged. It acted as a sound barrier, muffling sound in the same way as being underwater in a pool or lake. It was a technique Rissa had perfected long ago, back in the early days when things were so bad, Ione hardly slept. She rocked them and brushed noses, just waiting. She would give Ione as long as she needed.

In addition to being comforting, the physical contact helped Ione focus on Rissa’s internal happenings as opposed to the raucous noise of everyone else. She relaxed almost instantly; Rissa’ s mind was a comforting place whose paths she knew well. The familiar tone of her internal monologue was soothing. Much like the ocean she loved so much, Rissa’s thoughts always had a rhythm to them, quite a bit of depth. Things could change from stillness to tumultuous tides in a snap, but Rissa was working very hard to send messages of calm, images that were restful. Getting lost in the “waves” felt natural as Rissa showed her one of her favorite places. It must have been an old memory, from her early years as a marine biologist. In it, Rissa still had her full sight, the characteristic black triangle that now blotted out most of her awareness on the right side wasn’t there. They were on a dive, checking the status of a coral reef. A beautiful kaleidoscope of colors passed by as the fish who made the reef their nursery came out to investigate Rissa’s presence. It was the sort of quiet you could never get on land. Rissa’s feelings of love for the water and her work came through strongly in the memory. Ione was touched; Rissa wanted to share one of her deepest joys with her.She let Rissa know she was finished in the usual way: a kiss.

*Siab Phem is a Constellan term translating roughly to “evil incarnate.” This is what Ari, Rissa, and Ione call the villain they were under for decades. For them, it takes the power away from her real name

#thank you for asking!#dove writes #romantic relationships #dove's useless ocs #OC: Rissa #OC: Ione #Rissa/Ione #OTP: River Lily and Violet #writer friends #aschenink #mine

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ohscorbus · 7 years

Text

Harry Potter and the Cursed Child: Sunday 23rd April, 2017.

Today was a full circle moment for me as I was sat in the exact same seat I did for my very first show. I had to laugh because people always ask me how I’m not bored of it yet but as I sat there in that small squeaky seat, with my stomach full of butterflies and my face aching from all the smiling, I can honestly say this show was just as magical the seventh time as it was the first ♥︎

Oh and before I start, I just want to say that today’s part two was one of the best performances I’ve seen from Anthony. He’s always a delight to watch but today he was something else. I’m so glad I scraped the empty barrel that is now my bank account to see him again!

ACT ONE

Act One, Scene Two

“Watch out for the Thestrals” - James draped his robe over Lily’s head as he said the line in a teasing, spooky voice. I love that he’s successfully annoying both his siblings up at the same time. From one eldest child to another, *double high five*.

Act One, Scene Three

“I mean - father-son issues, I have them” - Albus was smiling at Scorpius pretty much from the get go, but when he got to this line he turned slightly away from Scorpius (and towards the audience) and his face broke into this big grin as he giggled. That line really tickled him today.

“Wow” - Albus made the loudest, happiest sound. I think it was a ‘wow’? He was so ecstatic I couldn’t really tell. It’s amazing how childlike he sounds when he does this. It’s adorable.

Act One, Scene Four

Albus wasn’t happy with his sorting at all. He looked a little lost. Then Scorpius said his, “you can stand next to me” line (double thumbs up and all), and Albus turned round to him and finally smiled as he moved closer. I really love Scorpius in this moment. While everyone else is judging and mocking him (and who knows what’s running through his own head), Scorpius makes it ok. It reminds me of what Ginny says to Harry later on. How no one would talk to her but then he offered to play exploding snap? It’s a small thing to offer, a game or someone to stand next to, but it makes life seem bearable again.

“Albus Potter, the Slytherin Squib” - He sang this in a really horrible teasing kind of manner today.

“I’ve got a friend, Scorpius, and I know you don’t like him but he’s all I need” - Harry ran his hands through his hair and sighed at this so it’s clearly an ongoing issue between them : (

Also, this was my first time seeing James Howard on as Draco! But more on that later…

Act One, Scene Seven

I’ve mentioned this before but I love watching how softly Albus moves in the previous scene and in the beginning of this one. It’s like he’s purposely trying to be as delicate as possible and make no noise. Which I guess he is in the previous scene but in this one? It’s like he just wants to sit in his room and wallow in silence...

*cough* I'll be in my bedroom, making no noise and pretending that I don't exist *cough*

Albus was trying so hard not to cry after Harry said that line. His voice was so close to breaking : (

Act One, Scene Ten

“Tada!” - I love the robe swish he does with this!

“You know how I like to… get on early. Stops people staring. Shouting.” - He turned away from Albus and really kicked the trunk (which is the ‘seat’) as he said this. He usually sounds resigned to the fact it happens but today there was some anger in his tone.

Albus looks like he gives good hugs. He really wraps his arms round Scorpius and rests his head on him and closes his eyes. He takes every second of it in. I want one.

“Hogwarts ahoy!” - Scorpius salutes Albus after he said this. He usually does this but still… what a dork.

No “ya-huh”, instead it was a quick little thank you.

Act One, Scene Eleven

Scorbus were super touchy today and this scene was no exception. Scorpius spent most of his time on the floor and at one point instead of holding onto the train, he decided to grabbed Albus’s ankle and hold onto his leg for a bit. You know, as you do. But then again we already know if one of them goes off the train then the other is most definitely following.

Once he’d stood up again (he’s now in front of Albus), Albus put a hand on Scorpius’s shoulder and Scorpius looked back at him as he patted Albus’s hand. I love these moments where they physically reach out for the other and the other instantly turns around and they communicate silently. There’s other times they do it too.

I think Scorpius gave the trolley witch a thumbs up? I’m not 100% sure, I was watching Albus and turned as he lowered his hand but it kind of looked like a thumbs up?

They fall over and end up sitting/laying on the floor as the trolley witch throws the exploding pumpkin pasty at them. As Albus is behind Scorpius, he always reaches out and grabs Scorpius now to check he’s ok and Scorpius does the same back. But today Scorpius held onto Albus’s wrist where it was rested on his shoulder with both of his hands.

Scorpius’s wrist movements as he cast the cushioning charm were so over the top compared to Albus’s. It makes me wonder if they both managed to cast it right and neither of them ended up in the water…

Act One, Scene Thirteen

Scorpius was walking backwards and bumped straight into the wand of one of the old wizards. He quickly turned round and said sorry before looking back at Albus but that didn’t stop the old wizard from repeatedly trying to jab him with their wand afterwards.

Act One, Scene Fourteen

Scorpius pulled Albus back away from Amos when Amos drew his wand at him. He got him by his robes and held him back with both hands until the wand was lowered. Protective Scorpius is back!

When Amos suggested Delphi joined them, Albus turned to Scorpius and tapped him to get his attention and gave him a look that clearly said he was happy she was coming too. Scorpius smiled back enough to keep Albus happy but then once Albus had turned back round, Scorpius bowed his head and dropped the smile. He wasn’t happy about it at all.

“Do we?” - was said so quietly and high pitched, like ‘doooo weeeeee?’

“Are we?” - was shouted and afterwards he dropped his head into his hands as Albus carried on regardless. I was giggling away to myself because this is exactly what Albus does when Scorpius is being Scorpius. Now he knows what it feels like!

Act One, Scene Sixteen

“Okay, two points, one, is it painful?” - Scorpius is stood in between Delphi and Albus but he was completely turned to face Albus today for this line. Then when Delphi said her next line (“very - as I understand it”). He listened to her as he looked at Albus but waited for her to finish speaking before slooowly turning around to face her. He didn’t speak until he had completely turned her way and had come to a stop in front of her. His “Thank you. Good to know” was then said in the calmest voice. I don’t think I’ve done it justice in how I’ve described it but it was really quite comical!

You know that whole monologue he does about fish? Well he paused half way through, waited a second or two, then added, “fish! urghhhh” and pretended to vomit, before pausing again and then continuing on with his lines. I almost felt bad for laughing! Scorpius was clearly having a moment, re-living the horrors of past fish experiences, while Delphi and Albus both stood watching him with the straightest looks on their faces. Although Albus did eventually look a tiny bit concerned as he put a hand on his arm as he frowned a little bit. (Does he know the fish story?!)

“Okay, that’s - wow!” - Albus was so squeaky with his wow I genuinely thought Scorpius had said it. But then Scorpius did his “double wow” and out-squeaked him.

ACT TWO

Act Two, Scene Four

Can we talk about how Scorpius is the first to raise his hand, not Delphi? Albus was barely half way through his question before Scorpius’s hand shot up into the air. He didn’t look half as mad as I would have been for not being picked.

Scorpius had already started to move towards Delphi as she kissed Albus on the cheek, so when she turned around she ended up bumping into Scorpius since he was leaning in ready for his kiss. Except instead she quickly backed up and Scorpius brushed it off like he wasn’t actually waiting for a kiss. He must have said “it’s okay” half a dozen times so it was like “itsokayitsokayitsokayitsokay” in his usual awkward, squeaky manner.

Act Two, Scene Eleven

I spent most of this scene watching Jeremy so have some Craig notes, yay!

When Gryffindor first lost points he turned to his classmate sat across from him and did a silent “yeeeeah!”

Then the second time it happened he was actually bouncing in his seat. Typical Slytherin getting all the enjoyment out of watching Gryffindor lose all these points :’)

Also this was one of the most tearful reactions I’ve heard from Hermione after Albus brought up Ron. It made me tear up a little too.

Act Two, Scene Twelve

The staircase sceeeene. Albus ran off and once he was out of Scorpius’s view, he rubbed his eyes and then wrapped his arms around his chest (so his hands were under his arms) and hugged himself : ( Someone needs to tell Sam he’s got to stop making himself look even smaller because it breaks me.

Act Two, Scene Fourteen

Scorpius was sat near the top of the staircase (is he usually that high up?) and looked and acted so bored when Delphi arrived. He never even glanced her way once while she spoke. It wasn’t until she mentioned she was ill that he actually turned towards her before moving further down the steps to sit closer to her and properly engaging in the conversation.

She knew exactly how to pull his focus and gain his trust here and she does it so casually. Just the fact that she uses a serious illness to manipulate him like that… *shakes fist*

“Sorry. That’s - I didn’t mean - I just - don’t understand what’s going on” - Again, it wasn’t just “sorry”, it was “sorrysorrysorrysorrysorry” and I love it. It’s super fast and squeaky and so Scorpius. Forever grateful for Anthony for providing us with these quirky little gems.

Act Two, Scene Sixteen

The first time they were sshhh-ed, both of them turned towards Polly Chapman and held their hands up to apologise. Albus in more of a ‘I’m Sorry’ way, Scorpius in more of a ‘I Surrender’ way. He calls Albus but he really is quite a dramatic little bean himself.

Scorpius was bouncing his leg more and more as their conversation went on and his frustration grew. He was doing it in another scene too.

“Because you’re a terrible - the most terrible - friend” - Scorpius was pointing at Albus as he said this and he was closer than I’ve ever seen him get before. It made me think of the scene where Harry says The Thing to Albus since he too gets close and points at him like that. I was hit with all the Albus feels when I realised he hears both “there are times I wish you weren’t my son” and “you’re the most terrible friend” within such a short space of time.

Oh and just to make it worse, Scorpius’s voice was so heavy as he tried not to cry as he shouted at Albus : (

I’m not 100% sure which line it was but I think it was when McGonagall first interrupted them, but Scorpius walked off towards the side of the stage and pretty much banged his head against the wall. Well, he more lightly pressed it or pretended to rest it against the wall than full on smacking it. But still. Scorpius Malfoy, literally using the library to give himself concussion to avoid anymore difficult emotional issues.

Instead of, “That’s the Invisibility Cloak? Isn’t that James’s?”, it was “That’s Harry’s cloak- that’s James’s cloak!” It’s going to hit him at some point that it was the invisibility cloak and oh boy that immense geek out is going to make Albus want to steal it again just to shut him up.

“His department are currently investigating it” - Albus barely got two words into this line before Scorpius angrily cut him off by shouting, “Good. Let them.” The last time he sounded utterly dejected after learning this information so it was interesting to see him play it out like this today.

“No. They’re not true.” - Albus must have said ‘no’ about five times. He’s so saddened that Scorpius would ever think that for even a second.

“To the depths of your belly, to the tips of your fingers” - Albus looked down at his hand and wiggled his fingers slightly as he said the ‘tips of your fingers’ bit. It was the most adorable thing. You could hear the smile in his voice and there was an ever so slight chuckle too. He might have been laughing at his own silliness but he meant every word.

Scorpius was crying while Albus did his whole “you make me stronger” speech. He was sniffing and wiping his eyes on his sleeves which he had pulled down over his balled up hands.

“Friends?” “Always” - This was so good today! So Albus is stood up next to Scorpius who is still sat down on the chair. Albus always holds his hand out for him to shake but today Scorpius had already turned his head away from him so he couldn’t see. In answer to his question, Scorpius just made this ‘mehhh’ sound, like he wasn’t really that interested, and there was a couple of seconds of nothing. He just left Albus hanging. The two of them (and us) waiting to see who could cave first. It was Scorpius. When he turned his head to look back at Albus, he had the biggest grin on his face because he was teasing him. That little shit. Of course they are always going to be friends! Duh! His “always” was so happy and smiley.

Aww the hug! Scorpius was like, “Oh. Okay..” once Albus had pulled him in. Then when Albus didn’t let go (he just kept his arms wrapped around his shoulders, completely content in staying like that for a while longer yet), Scorpius let out an “okayokayokayokayokay” until Albus got the message and let him go.

Act Two, Scene Nineteen

The outer layer of the soap burst today and it was so loud and it made Anthony jump. It took everything I had for me not to laugh as he held this dangling soap a liiiittle further away from him after that. Bless :’)

Then when Albus was explaining how they were going to use Engorgement on Cedric, Scorpius made explosion noises and gestures with his hands like Cedric was actually going to end up like the soap did. It makes you wonder why he agreed to it. Is there anything he won’t do if Albus is involved?!

ACT THREE

Act Three, Scene Two

Or I at least think it was in this scene…

After someone did the ‘For Voldemort and Valour’ hand gesture at him and then walked off, Scorpius did an over the top flaily version of it at their back as they walked away. It was like a child mocking someone and that combined with the face he pulled, he had everyone laughing. (I wish I could describe it better because it was so funny!) You know how I keep mentioning how he repeats one word/phrase really quick over and over again? Well he did the same with this. He was repeatedly doing the gesture, twisting his wrists over and over as he childishly sneered at the other person’s back, until his hands/arms got too flaily and tangled and he dropped them before walking off too.

Act Three, Scene Three

Scorpius came straight in and sat down at the desk in his dad’s office as he riffled through his paperwork. I don’t think I’ve seen him sit down before?

Tbh this scene today was full of things I’ve never seen before. I guess that’s the beauty of seeing an understudy for the first time!

When Draco held Scorpius down on the desk, his head is usually turned away from the audience but not today! He was face down but kept an arm over his eyes to stop himself from being squished. Can I just say, seeing his face during this part was as painful as I thought it would be :’(

Draco walked round the table and stood in front of Scorpius not long after that. They usually really emphasis the distance here but today they were quite close. I really liked that.

Act Three, Scene Four

Craig stumbled back and fell over when Scorpius asked, “why can’t I be here?” He then sat up and shuffled over on his knees in front of Scorpius as he explained his homework wasn’t ready. Scorpius crouched down in front of him and they did the rest of their lines like that on the floor.

Scorpius stumbled back as he stood up and only just stopped himself from falling completely on his ass. I’m not entirely convinced this was planned. I know Anthony usually ‘stumbles’ as he walks over the moving part of the stage as this scene transitions into the next but still…

Act Three, Scene Six

“I’m a wanted man” “Less wanted” - Scorpius was trying his hardest not to laugh but you could see him smiling away to himself. As did Ron. Who gave him this look and Scorpius immediately stopped.

“I expect their mother is hot” - Scorpius spent aaages nodding and looking up as Ron watched and waited for an answer. It’s even funnier when you realise people who look up when they think tend to be remembering and/or visualising. So the question is, Scorpius Malfoy, what was running through your head? He did eventually stop and looked down at the ground all embarrassed though.

Act Three, Scene Eight

Why is Scorpius sat on the floor while he watches the first task here? Is it just a Scorpius thing???

Act Three, Scene Nine

I really loved Anthony’s reaction to the Dementors today. I don’t think he did anything different. I think I just felt it more today.

Whenever one gets really up close to his face, he goes up on his tip toes and his arms fall listlessly by his side and he looks utterly helpless. You can see them pulling the happiness out of him. It’s horrible. It makes you think about all the bad things he’s lived through and re-living in that moment every single time. I’m glad he has Albus and that the thought of him is enough to fight them off.

Scorpius plastered himself against the side of the tank when Albus surfaced. He watched him wide eyed for a second and then let out the longest “ahhhhhhh”.

“You have no idea how good it is to see you again” - You know when someone sounds so relieved that they sound exhausted and close to tears? Well that’s how he sounded here. Albus kept smiling at him, mostly bemused (and a little confused) by his behaviour.

The hug was the same as usual. Scorpius quickly wades through the water and picks Albus up and holds him tight. I don’t know why Albus jokes about drowning here. His real concern should be the fact Scorpius is squeezing him so tight I don’t think he can breathe properly!

Scorpius was on his knees when the adults came running onto the stage and he stayed there as he went round the group shouting their names. By the time he got to McGonagall, he was shaking his arms in the air with excitement. Then he looked at his dad and half stood up as he said “and dad”, then he was stood up but bent over with his hands on his knees for “my dad”. He was completely up right as he looked at Draco for the last “Hi. Dad.”

I love the fact Draco isn’t fazed by this overexcited Scorpius. His “hello Scorpius” sounds almost bored, like he’s had- oh I don’t know... fourteen years of it? :’)

Draco properly grabbed Scorpius by the back of his robe and dragged him off at the end of this scene.

Act Three, Scene Ten

Sam and Anthony pushing McGonagall’s desk on stage for this scene in their matching fluffy dressing gowns though. Aww.

“And it does sound as if you were brave, Scorpius” - Scorpius always turns round to look at his dad at this point but today Draco actually looked at him back and the two of them looked at each other for a second or two before turning back to McGonagall. This made me very happy!

Act Three, Scene Eleven

It pains me when Albus flinches as his dad starts shouting again here. He’s already so wounded (they both are) and he looks extra small, stood by his bed in his pajamas with his hair still wet as he hugs himself.

Harry took his glasses off, rubbed his eyes, and pinched the bridge of nose as he paused for a moment. He’s tired and he doesn’t want to argue with Albus but it keeps happening : (

Act Three, Scene Fourteen

Scorpius said Albus’s name four times today. My favourite being the time he was leaning over Albus’s headboard and his face was hovering right over Albus’s. He didn’t shout his name here like he usually does, instead he did this fake shout whisper thing he does with the “Hoooogwaaaarts” line in the owlery later on. I loved it. Especially since Albus slept right through it. “Aaaaalbuuuuussss” :’) I’m also pretty sure there was a tiny giggle at the end there too. I live for Scorpius finding himself funny.

Scorpius stood up on his bed. I was tiny bit concerned he was going to fall because he did not look stable. At all. This happened during the time timer reveal bit. He got it from under his pillow and held it up in the air and did a bit of dance/wiggle which looked mostly like he was trying to stay upright to be honest. Albus did he usual ’Scorpius is being an idiot so I’m going to hide my face in my hands because I can’t look’ thing. It was very much warranted.

Act Three, Scene Sixteen

The boys are already sat on the staircase as its moved into place for the owlery scene. Scorpius was swinging his legs as he looked over at Albus with the biggest, most honest smile on his face. The kind that reaches all the way up to your eyes and lights up your whole face. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him look so happy. He was pure sunshine as he looked at him in that moment. Then once the staircase had stopped moving, he stopped and moved further away and into his usual position for the beginning of this scene. But oh boy, that face.

He did the whole whisper and echo thing again with the “Hooogwaaaarts wartswartswartswarts” line. Yay!

He also patted Albus on the back again before shuffling closer to him.

Act Three, Scene Seventeen

“Marriage renewal. What do you think?” - Ron got down on one knee as he said this and held his arms wide open at Hermione and I melted in my seat. Hermione helped him up and he made an ‘ooof’ noise as she pulled him straight into a hug. (It’s funny because Scorpius made the exact same noise when Albus pulled him up and into a hug in another show I saw.)

Draco still glared at Harry after Ron got Scorpius’s name wrong :’)

Act Three, Scene Twenty

Cedric did this (slightly confused) giggle when Albus told him his dad loved him. It made the whole thing even sadder.

ACT FOUR

Act Four, Scene One

Can we talk about how lovely it is that Ginny and Ron are holding hands as they watch Harry and Hermione?

Act Four, Scene Three

When Albus ran off after Lily, Scorpius grabbed him back by putting both his arms round him, so his arms were over his shoulders and chest, and Albus automatically brought both of his hands up and held onto Scorpius’s hands in return. It was really sweet *wipes away tear*

Act Four, Scene Four

Ok, so James Howard. If I’m honest, I was really quite nervous about seeing him because I absolutely love Alex’s Draco. His Draco matches up so perfectly with the Draco in my head that I couldn’t imagine anyone else playing that role. Alex is my Draco, you know? (I’m so attached to this cast, I’m not going to survive cast change.)

It took me a while to warm up to him because all I could see and hear was Lucius. I knew this already about him but it still didn’t prepare me. He’s 100% a Malfoy. It’s actually quite scary. But in a good way? It’s really as brilliant as it is heartbreaking because at first all it did was make me miss Alex’s humour. But then Alex wasn’t like that at the beginning either so I guess we’ll have to wait and see!

He had completely won me over by the time he started fiddling with his wedding ring as he told Harry about Astoria though. If I wasn’t already crying by this point I would have started again. I was worried with how straight faced and ‘Malfoy’ he was being, that we’d miss out on how emotional Draco gets in this scene and how affectionate he is with Scorpius later on. I was wrong. So, so wrong. It’s hard to explain because yes he’s different, but he’s still absolutely perfect.

It’s probably because I’m not use to theatre but I always have these same worries whenever I’m about to see an understudy for the first time and I always feel so silly and guilty afterwards because this cast is superb. Every single one of them. I’m still not ready to let Alex go (or any of them), but I’m also really looking forward to seeing where James takes this character. I’m glad Draco will be in good hands come May 24th and I cannot wait to see him again!

Act Four, Scene Five

Scorpius ran up to Albus for the “Got it! We deliver it ourselves” line and Albus (who’s still down on the floor) held his arms out wide as he waited for Scorpius to do the maths (“we wait…..forty years”) and then laughed and dropped his arms once Scorpius had said forty years and didn’t stop. Like forty years was nothing in the grand scheme of things??? :’)

Scorpius was looking up at the snow collecting in Albus’s hair and then Scorpius pulled Albus’s hood up. Except it didn't stay on because he didn’t manage to pull it over his hair enough so it fell back down. Then when Lily came out the door he quickly pulled his own hood up and ran off. Once he was at the other side of the stage he turned back to look for Albus and saw him still stood there, rooted to the spot he’d left him in, and Scorpius pulled this pained face. He’d done so well at hiding himself but Albus was going to spoil time. Again.

“Still not getting you” - Scorpius did little finger guns at Albus as he said this line.

Scorpius and Albus double high fived and then kept their fingers interlocked as they leant down and in towards one another and got all bouncy on their toes in excitement over their grand plan.

Scorpius crossed his fingers on both hands before he tried pushing open Bathilda Bagshot’s door.

Once the door had swung open, he ran back over to Albus and grabbed his hands just like before and they continued with the bouncing before they both ran off through the door. Well, Scorpius actually jumped his way over the threshold. He’s such an excitable puppy.

Act Four, Scene Eight

The Malfoy hug!!! Once that first initial hug was over, Scorpius turned round to face the rest of the group but again, it wasn’t long before he turned back to his dad and went in for another hug. I love that there’s no hesitation the second time around from either of them.

Act Four, Scene Ten

Scorpius was sat sideways on the pew with his legs up and his arms around his knees until his dad spoke. He then turned and sat properly so he could see him as he spoke.

Omg the volunteering bit today. So Scorpius is still sat on the pew, he’s got his head bowed down and he took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose before standing up. He then shouted his line. Draco still shut him down before he’d even finished his first sentence of what I bet was a wonderful speech but still :’) Scorpius always sits back down so fast too. (I guess he has to, to be able to stare at Albus when he tries to volunteer next.)

(I also made a note about Scorpius and Albus sharing another half hug/side hug kinda thing and it was either in this scene or the next. I can’t remember now : / It was definitely in the church though!)

Act Four, Scene Eleven

Draco and Scorpius were talking by the door in the background and I’m so overly invested in these two that I don’t think I even looked at Ginny and Albus once. Oops.

I just love how after they’ve hugged once, they don’t seem afraid to hold back their affection afterwards. Draco kept his hand on Scorpius’s shoulder and whenever Scorpius wasn’t turning to face him, Draco would lean in and talk to him instead.

Talking of crying over fathers and their sons, the way Harry pretty much throws himself on the floor in front of Albus to hold him, make sure he’s ok, and then block him from Delphi to keep him safe kills me every time.

Just like the last time I saw it, Scorpius reached out for Albus after his outburst about wanting her dead. He held onto his forearm and then Albus looked back at him and the two of them just looked at each other for a few seconds. Again, I’m really loving this silent communication thing they do because they always do it whenever they know the other really needs it.

Act Four, Scene Fourteen

Scorpius yawned as Albus mentioned Rose. Make of that what you will.

Scorpius’s Rose induced flail is getting worse. Today he managed to wrap his robe completely round his head like it was a hood. He then paused for a second before tucking it back like he does his hair. He tucked his robe back. Behind his ears. Like his hair. *sigh* This boy… He then looked up at Rose and waited for her to speak. All he managed in response was a muffled “mmhmmm” because I’m fairly sure his robes were either in his mouth or were at least mostly covering it. He then had to pull the fabric down in order to say his line properly.

The hug was lovely but nothing ’new’. Two seconds into it, Scorpius adjusted his arms so he could hug Albus a little longer. This seems to be a thing with them too. It’s like they throw themselves into the hug, not really caring where hands and arms end up. Then once they realise they aren’t going to be rejected, they move a little to get comfortable and then make themselves at home.

So Scorpius did something to Albus before he walks away from him that last time and I’m not 100% what it was. He either pulled the zip on his hoodie (which he’s wearing underneath ready for the next scene and you could see it) or he poked/pinched/tickled??? his stomach. Whatever it was, it made Albus smile!

“Are you heading to Quidditch?” - Scorpius stumbled over this line. Or Anthony did? I’m not sure it was intentional.

Other Little Things...

Right at the beginning of the show, Jeremy/Craig runs around a pile of suitcases in the middle of the stage but today he tripped right at the start. He didn’t completely fall over, he managed to right himself, but omg my heart stopped for him. At the end he half hobbled over to the suitcase he sits on and rubbed his ankle. He seemed fine afterwards thankfully!

Another near fall! Anthony stood on Voldemort’s robes as he walked off behind him during the curtain call and nearly fell head first into in the wings. He was extra careful the next time they walked off and even moved the robes so he didn’t do it again. I was cackling away to myself. Sorry Anthony!

Talking of curtain calls, everyone in the dress circle (and stalls by the looks of it) gave them a standing ovation today. I haven’t seen everyone do that in a while so it was lovely. Well deserved too!

Since I’ve spent 90% of this talking about him I might as well finish with another story about him too. So I met Anthony at the stage door afterwards and he got half way through signing my poster before he had to stop because he had forgotten how to spell his name : / It came back to him after a second but you know. There was a moment there where I genuinely thought I was going to have to help him because he went blank. I know it happens to us all but most of us haven’t just been writing it over and over again :p

#this is scorbus heavy because I have a username to live up to #and this didn't even hit 6k words??? I haven't written a recap this short in forever!#TCCleanne #cursed child play

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mrmichaelchadler · 6 years

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Figuring It Out: The Films of Laura Dern

Jennifer Fox (Laura Dern) speaks in voiceover in a half-dazed, half-searching tone, as if slowly bringing herself out of a dream. “The story you are about to see is true … as far as I know.” A documentary filmmaker, she’s used to finding ways to look beyond the surface of what people present about themselves; she’ll have to turn that ability on herself. She remembers herself being and looking older than she was, speaking about a man she calls a lover—despite the fact that he was an adult and she was only 13—with a defensive, forced attempt at nonchalance (raised arms, dismissive pitch) that turns pleading, then incensed when she’s called a “victim,” her voice breaking into a raised whisper, her expression into a furious grimace. “This was important to me, and I’m trying to figure out why … Let me just figure this out for myself.”

“The Tale,” debuting on HBO on May 26, is documentary filmmaker Jennifer Fox’s narrative retelling of her experience, and an emotionally searing look at how people process their abuse. The casting of Dern, one of the most adventurous actresses working today, feels apropos, given the performer��s willingness to walk a constant emotional high-wire act and her recent hot streak that includes, but is not limited to, “Enlightened,” “Wild,” “Big Little Lies,” the “Twin Peaks” revival, and “Star Wars: The Last Jedi.” It’s also an instructive text when looking at Dern’s body of work, a career filled with stories of women who have either experienced or witnessed unbearable trauma and who are trying to find the meaning behind it all.

The daughter of two of New Hollywood’s greatest character actors (Bruce Dern and Diane Ladd), Laura Dern began her career in uncredited roles alongside her mother (“White Lightning,” “Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore”) before emancipating herself at 13 when her mother objected to one of her early credited roles in the teenage punk girl drama “Ladies and Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains.” Dern’s role as one of the members of the Stains is relatively small (it’s largely Diane Lane’s show), but she makes an impression as being kind and empathetic, expressing genuine sympathy when a band member of another touring group overdoses. Dern’s teenage roles draw on her natural warmth and luminous presence; her performance as the blind Diana in “Mask” in particular sees her displaying an unusual level of openness with Eric Stoltz’s Rocky (born with a rare skull deformity), a willingness to accept him for who he is and stray outside her comfort zone for someone who accepts her.

Straying outside one’s comfort zone is central to Joyce Chopra’s “Smooth Talk” (pictured above), which gave Dern her breakout role as Connie Wyatt, a teenage girl hitting her rebellious years and having a hard time of it with her demanding mother. The first half of the film is a remarkable study of a teenager’s tentative first steps toward sexual exploration, with Dern veering back and forth between being marvelously unaffected (tossed-off delivery and leaning posture around her parents) and exaggerated flirtation, like that of someone who’s both fascinated bt sex and stuck in a childish, mocking view of it. She adopts confidence only to shrink away, puts her full body into a kiss before breaking off, admitting that she’s not used to “feeling … this excited.”

It’s in the second half, when a greaser (Treat Williams) appears outside when she’s home alone that “Smooth Talk” dives headfirst into that discomfort. Dern’s bashful body language gives way to a menacing, dancelike semi-seduction with Williams, shifting from apparent fun and games to something that’s outright predatory, with her demeanor collapsing collapse into hyperventilative terror. She’s in that uncertain place in between childhood and adulthood, when everyone is trying to define themselves, but there are plenty of men who have their own ideas of who she is and what they want from her. “Smooth Talk” would be an ideal (if grueling) double feature with “The Tale,” a young person’s immediate experience with sexual desire, confusion and abuse paired with an adult’s retrospective understanding of that trauma.

Dern received raves for her work, getting her first of two straight Independent Spirit Award nominations (back when they tried to be more than Oscar predictors); her next would come with a part that would bring her to greatest and most important collaborator. Few directors have brought as much out of Dern as David Lynch, but then, few performers have brought as much out of his characters as Dern, beginning with her role as Sandy in “Blue Velvet.” The archetypical girl next door, Sandy has a kind of unearthly wholesomeness that’s best showcased in her monologue about her dream about “robins of love.” The key to Lynch’s work is his belief that the truly good can coexist with the truly wicked. Dern represents the former, delivering the monologue with a whispered awe and reaching hand gestures that border on evangelical before bringing herself down and finding a way to clarify it to her rapt listener/love interest. Sandy and Jeffrey (Kyle MacLachlan) see some terrible things (including a painful moment of trauma that prompts a distorted look of sorrow that’s distinctly Dern), but she remains unwavering in her belief that her dream of light can conquer darkness and make sense of this strange world (would that Isabella Rossellini’s Dorothy were so lucky).

Dern teamed with Lynch again for 1990’s “Wild at Heart” (pictured above), playing the far more confidently sensual Lula while retaining the same good-heartedness she brought to “Blue Velvet.” It’s a heightened, deliberately iconic role, with Dern leaping into exaggerated dancing, purring with sexual abandon and leaning just so to express her arousal or satisfaction when talking to or about Nicolas Cage’s Elvis-obsessed Sailor. But Lula is also someone who has experienced great pain—the death of her father, her molestation at the hands of his friend, the murderous rage of her mother (played, in a stroke of casting genius, by her real-life mother, Ladd)—and has come out the other end demonstrating a full-bodied, defiant belief in the all-conquering power of love. The film’s “Wizard of Oz” framing device sometimes comes across as a bit forced, but it’s also another example of how Dern’s characters often tell themselves stories to make sense of their lives and guide them from darkness to light.

Dern’s early adult roles often deal with characters exploring their sexuality at a time or place where that might put them in jeopardy; that’s certainly the case with Martha Coolidge’s “Rambling Rose,” in which her “borderline nymphomaniac” Rose comes to live with the Hillyer family (father Robert Duvall, mother Ladd and teenage son Lukas Haas) after unspecified trouble with men. Dern brings a blithe, bouncy exuberance and confidence to the role, waltzing down the street knowing that her walk can turn heads and her smile win hearts. But Dern also embodies Rose’s goodness, her sexual escapades being the actions of someone who has an intense and open need to be loved, and to be treated with the kindness that she shows the world but that the world hasn’t been good enough to show her. A scene between her and Duvall after she’s caught in bed with a man sees her not going so far as begging, but rather earnestly presenting herself with all cards on the table, an eyes-wide-open, forward-leaning acknowledgement that “I’m only a human girl person, and I ain’t always perfect.”

“Rambling Rose” earned Dern her first Oscar nomination and preceded two high-profile supporting roles in 1993. As criminologist Sally Gerber in Clint Eastwood’s beautiful “A Perfect World,” she illustrates the impossible situation that Butch (Kevin Costner) was put in as a troubled child with an abusive father, giving a full picture of his trauma and bringing us to empathize with how he became a criminal. As Ellie Sattler in Steven Spielberg’s “Jurassic Park,” Dern plays the warmer counterpart and partner to Sam Neill’s testier Alan Grant, exuding, intelligence, physical capability and a deeper concern for how easily the park can spiral out of control and the consequences that come with it (she also has the ability as an actress to practically unhinge her jaw in terror when things do go wrong). In a key character moment, she pleads empathetically for John Hammond (Richard Attenborough) to recognize how the people they love may get hurt. Both roles cast her as figures of empathy, finding ways to make sense of the reasons why people cause each other pain while trying to prevent it from happening again.

If “A Perfect World” sees Dern asking us to sympathize with a troubled person, Alexander Payne’s “Citizen Ruth” (pictured above) shows how far that should be extended. Make no mistake: Dern’s pregnant, inhalant-addicted Ruth Stoops is a first-class fuck-up. Dern dives headfirst into making her as gross and unlikable as possible, smearing her mouth with inhalant residue, manipulating the same people who are manipulating her (both sides of the abortion debate attempt to co-opt her case for their agenda), and shouting some truly filthy insults (“suck the shit outta my ass, you fucker!”) with gritted teeth and gusto. Yet the actress still finds something sympathetic in her, her downcast eyes and fidgeting fingers communicating her knowledge that she’s fucked up yet again and is about to be on the receiving end of some real hardship. Ruth may sputter with uncertainty when trying to voice the whys behind her right to choose, but Payne and Dern take her choice, and the pain behind what led her to it, seriously (besides, she said it loud and clear the first time).

Dern’s career slowed down in the late 1990s and early 2000s, something she attributed (more than plausibly) to her guest appearance on “Ellen” as a radiant, openly gay woman that causes Ellen DeGeneres’ character to come out herself. She got her first serious critical attention in years in John Curran’s “We Don’t Live Here Anymore” in 2004. The film, about a two couples (Dern and Mark Ruffalo, Naomi Watts and Peter Krause) whose lives are upended when Ruffalo and Watts begin an affair, is too drifting and one-note to draw much blood, but it comes to life whenever Dern’s enraged, emotionally rangy Terry takes focus. Dern adopts a hunched-over posture for her arguments with Ruffalo, her clenched chin jutting out slightly, to show a woman who’s well aware of how she’s being deceived and whose total dismissal to the role of child caretaker (something she does not take to naturally) looks like it’s almost literally weighing her down. Terry’s agonies in “We Don’t Live Here Anymore” are resolutely ordinary, compared with some of the other characters Dern has played, but they’re no less important to her.

Dern reteamed with David Lynch for the truly deranged “Inland Empire,” in which she plays the actress Nikki Grace, getting the comeback of a lifetime with the role of Susan Blue before her role starts bleeding over into her identity (or something … even more than usual with Lynch, describing what actually happens seems futile and beside-the-point). It’s a tour-de-force performance, alternatively put-upon, ferocious, frightened, and whatever one can call this terrifying face. She’s simultaneously the film’s emotional anchor and its constantly metamorphosing nucleus. “Inland Empire” is, at least partially, about the emotional wringer that performers can put themselves through for a role, and how easy it is to mix up one’s own emotions with their character’s. A monologue in which Nikki’s character (?) describes her trauma and her self-defense in a jaded tone that occasionally sparks into violence is later seen in a theater, the actress observing herself. She’s played a character who has lived through real terror, but we see that the actress herself is living in terror, both at home (her husband is deeply controlling and ambiguously threatening) and at work. Does the actress simply play the part, or is she drawn to roles that bring her to relive (and potentially make peace with) her nightmares?

“Inland Empire,” like most of Lynch’s works, does not put its or its characters’ purpose into words so bluntly; Dern’s next major role is a little more easily (and narrowly) defined, but not uninteresting. The 2008 TV movie “Recount” (pictured above) relives the national trauma of Bush v. Gore, the second-most nightmarish presidential election in recent memory. Largely focused on the tactics employed the official campaign teams of Vice President Al Gore (Kevin Spacey, Denis Leary, Ed Begley Jr.) and Governor George W. Bush (Tom Wilkinson, Bob Balaban), the film also takes time with Florida Secretary of State Katherine Harris (Dern) and her poorly disguised efforts to throw the election to Bush. Dern walks a fine line between humanity and cartoon with Harris, whom she portrays as a zealous, wide-eyed ideologue with exaggerated hair and makeup. But she finds the heart of Harris in her true-believer story about Queen Esther sacrificing herself for “the lovely Jewish people,” evangelizing as if her staking her career on Bush winning the election is for the good of the people. Her self-martyring tone is farcical, but it’s also indicative of how political partisans view their work as de facto for the good of the people and a tool to bring a country together after a moment of bitter division, rather than the actions of further division.

Many of Dern’s more recent film roles have been smaller, supporting parts, but a few have still been notable. In Paul Thomas Anderson’s “The Master,” she has that same true-believer tone as a rich woman who has taken to the new religion of Lancaster Dodd (Philip Seymour Hoffman). Her student’s passion for something that’s given her life meaning is palpable; so is her shocked pain at being rebuked for questioning how, exactly, it can switch teachings so cavalierly, her body practically crumpling at Dodd’s shout. She’s more unflagging in her optimism as Reese Witherspoon’s mother in “Wild” (her second Oscar-nominated performance). Dern comes across in only a handful of small scenes as a vivacious presence who nonetheless knows perfectly well that she’s lived through hell, smiling through memories of pain because it brought her the most important person in her life. She’s the witness to someone else’s pain in Kelly Reichardt’s masterful “Certain Women,” a lawyer to a man (Jared Harris) who got screwed over when accepting a piddling settlement after a workplace injury but who can no longer be helped because of it. One senses her lived-in frustration as he refuses to listen her (then listens to a male colleague who tells him the same thing), but her genuine empathy for a man who she’s effectively powerless to help is also clear. And as Admiral Holdo in “Star Wars: The Last Jedi,” she commands the screen with a steadfast, unwavering certainty that she’s doing the right thing—any assumption of her incompetence be damned—finally proving herself to be among the bravest and most self-sacrificing heroes in the series.

Still, most of Dern’s best recent work has been on television. The brilliant, unjustly canceled “Enlightened” sees Dern’s personality as embedded into the work as Mike White’s (indeed, the two are credited as co-creators). Amy Jellicoe is another of Dern’s troubled heroines trying to find meaning in their lives, following her nervous breakdown first with a genuine attempt to regain the respect of her colleagues, then by becoming a corporate whistleblower in a move that’s half genuine, half out of bitterness. Amy’s a mess, lashing out at people she (rightly or wrongly) believes have wronged her at one moment, then preaching with a sincere but totally oblivious sense of illumination in the next. What holds Dern’s performance together as Amy whips back and forth between manic highs and deadening lows is an ardent, indefatigable expression that it’s possible for her to do something important with her life and potentially make the world a better place, no matter how crazy that world thinks she is.

Dern returned to HBO in “Big Little Lies,” with her Renata Klein initially set up as an ostensible villain; Dern tears into the overbearing, bullying aspect of Renata, whether she’s stabbing the air with her hands like a maniac or giving a silent but icy glare, shouting her threats at the top of her lungs or whispering them with quiet menace. But there’s still a beating heart in her, a genuine desire to protect her daughter from pain (whether it’s violence at school or the more everyday hurt of someone skipping her birthday party), and the heartbreak in Dern’s voice when she voices her feeling of utter powerlessness (a control freak’s worst nightmare for minor issues, let alone real pain) is unmistakable. Much of the strength in “Big Little Lies” is its belief that flawed women can ultimately come together, forgive each other and help each other along; Dern’s performance is key to that.

And still, “Big Little Lies” had only the second-best Dern performance on television last year. There’s a nostalgic, near-breathless thrill in Dern’s first appearance as Special Agent Dale Cooper’s long-unseen secretary Diane on “Twin Peaks” (or “Twin Peaks: The Return”), an unmistakable callback to their close connection in “Blue Velvet.” Still, one couldn’t have predicted Dern’s delightfully cynical performance, all long drags on cigarettes and venom-spitting “fuck yous,” a far cry from the mostly upbeat Sandy. But even putting aside the eventual revelation about Diane’s nature, it makes sense after decades of disillusionment following a rape by the man she most trusted. That pain comes through in her reunion with Bad Cooper, her voice breaking, her breath quickening; it’s even clearer in her late-series breakdown, her shield of cynicism giving way to trauma flooding back. Even Diane’s return to normalcy is a pyrrhic and only temporary victory, with a sex scene with MacLachlan’s Good Cooper playing less like a triumph and more like a final, deeply sad shared moment between the two (which Dern somehow conveys largely with her back), one of the show’s many acknowledgements that trauma cannot be erased.

“The Tale,” then, is instead a look at how one lives with that trauma. Fox’s gradual shift to acknowledging something terrible happened is not an easy journey, nor is it a simple one. The film deals heavily with the tortured self-rationalizations and denials employed by both survivors and abusers, ones both sincerely believed and desperately clung to. The final scene is confrontational without being fully cathartic, Dern’s belated but volcanic outrage a moment of her taking her past back (a real triumph) without any illusion that she has expelled that very pain. If there’s something Dern’s best work shows, it’s there forever; one can only try to make sense of it.

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