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ilylovelyz · 10 months

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⍣ ೋ Honeymoon

˚ · . ushijima x afab!reader

: ̗̀➛ timeskip!ushijima, manly!ushijima, god hes such a man, big dick moment 3., pregnancy, pregnant sex, "traditional" lifestyle, creampie, reader has mommy boobs, reader is a lil chubby, lactation, soft sex, size kink, slight manhandling, secret relationship, was listening to lana del rey's honeymoon

we both know that it's not fashionable to love me but you don't go 'cause truly there's nobody for you but me.

bright cameras flash amongst the dense crowd as ushijima is guided along with his teammates, surrounded by a dozen security. many shout and yell out questions directed towards the tall men, yet remain unanswered as they continue their way towards the stadium.

it's after the volleyball match when ushijima is approached by a female reporter, insistent with her microphone as she pesters him with the same questions he's been asked for a long time. "was that your wife you were with back in kyoto?"

he only wipes the sweat off his brow with his handkerchief before he's walking away from her, leaving her unanswered.

albeit, not truly knowing to what extent, ushijima does know that he's considerably favorable towards his fans for a specific reason. unfazed by the lingering eyes of the crowds of lusting women that waited outside the stadium specifically for him, he continues his way towards his car.

the strange favoritism seems to not be limited to only his fans, but also to some other professional volleyball players as well. he remembers the few scandals he's been in due to some delusional professional volleyball players claiming they "felt a spark," or whatever nonsense along those lines after speaking to him only a handful of times.

he ignores the catcalls and whistles from the women, all trying to get his attention through sultry gestures and inappropriate language. to a normal man, he would certainly be stoked by all of these gorgeous women wanting his attention, maybe perhaps give in to their desires.

however, as ushijima settles into the comfort of his car, driver greeting him, he thinks deeply. but he's not a normal man, and he does knows that. he searches throughout his gym bag with care, not particularly rushing to find the object he's searching for.

he knows he's much different from a normal man. he's of great skill, body athletic and big. it doesn't take much to notice the way his biceps bulge, or the way he his strong thighs flex and buckle, somehow supporting his heavy weight. he goes to the gym every day, training intensely for hours at a time. he goes to great lengths to meal plan and eat healthy foods to support his exhausting training and schedule. hell, he's a well known professional volleyball player.

he doesn't get the obsession though. he doesn't understand what does particularly make him stand out compared to his teammates. he's just like any other good volleyball player. maybe better, but he still would like to be viewed just as equal as to his teammates.

his eyes glint up at the object he's been searching for. he pulls it out, careful not to drop it due to the slight tremble of the car. if he dropped it, then it might as well be the end of the world. he'd probably not see it again, lost to the monstrosity of this luxurious car.

he gently pushes the accessory onto his ring finger. black and silver, lined with tiny diamonds, a marital ring. he thinks back to the time he had a discussion with his wife, a little while before the wedding and coincidentally searching for wedding rings, he had asked out of curiosity why do these random women obsess over a total stranger?

it takes awhile, but he's eventually driven to his home. quite large, a traditional minka, for a traditional guy like ushijima. he steps out of the black car, a mercedes, the grovel crunch pleasingly under his feet. his ears perk up at the little laughs coming from the garden at the side of the minka. he's bowing to his driver before heading off towards the joyful laughter, eyes softening at the eyes of his wife.

you're running around the garden, seemingly playing a game of tag with your only-daughter toddler, and currently, only child. he watches from the edge of the garden, softly smiling at this beautiful moment of what is the love of his life playing with what is the product of his love.

although wanting the wonderful moment to last a little longer, he decides to interrupt when he notices you're not wearing shoes. "y/n, where are your shoes?" you almost freeze in your steps, clumsily almost slipping on the puddles of water. you turn your head towards the familiar voice, cheeks warming up out of innocent embarrassment.

"a-ah, i didn't notice you coming home 'toshi." you squeak out, taking a moment to notice the way your apron is stained with various liquids, feet covered with what you can only guess is mud, grass, and groundwater. your attention is shifted when your young daughter yells out of excitement at her father's presence.

"papa!" she yells, small bare feet patting against the hard concrete as she runs up to her father. he can only watch her from above as she hugs his leg, small hands only reaching so far up to his hips. he watches dotingly over his daughter, not resisting to swoop her up in his arms, placing a soft kiss onto her soft baby skinned cheek.

he carries her with one arm as he walks over to you, eyebrow slightly arched with concern as he takes in your current figure. "ah.. kaiya snuck out to play in the garden five minutes before you arrived. i had to chase her down to stop her from eating the berries, sorry 'toshi." you meekly say, hand coming up to caress the back of your neck.

he leans down to place his daughter onto the engawa, "go wipe your feet off kaiya," he says, watching the way his daughter listens begrudgingly, knowing better than to disobey her father. she might not get dessert if she doesn't listen. he then turns to you, staring at you closely.

you're much smaller than him, barely reaching his shoulder when barefooted. his eyes are low, mouth pursed into a line. "you shouldn't go without your shoes, you'll get sick," he says monotonously. to anyone who didn't know him, he might just sound cold and maybe even annoyed, but to you, someone who's known him for over a decade, you know he's speaking purely from the heart.

smiling at his adorable concern, you straighten your back to showcase your good health. "i'm okay. don't you worry." he blinks at your pride before turning slightly towards the house, a hand of his reaching for yours. you take him up on his offer, lightly blushing at his sweet warmth that is his hand.

ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ-

ushijima is careful with his steps as he walks through the halls of house, not wanting to wake up his young daughter. much like her father, she's a light sleeper. he walks into the kitchen, where he is not surprised to see you cleaning up after dinner.

you squeal once again when you turn around to see him with the remaining plates in his hands. he's so quiet, almost like a ghost. "you scared me." you say, hand coming to press against your suddenly rapid beating heart. "you don't need to be doing the chores, why don't you rest?" he offers, placing the stacks of dishes into the sink. he'll wash the dishes tomorrow morning before going to the gym.

you sigh at his words, hand coming up to his forearm as he steps closer to you, looking down at you with those beautiful green orbs of his. his hands come up to the tie of your apron, quick to untie it and set it onto the counter. he places his palms onto the sides of your belly, finding comforting in what is your very pronounced baby bump.

you smile at the soft moment, ushijima, although still slightly struggling to put into words how much he loves you, he will never fail to show you through physical affection. his touch is gentle, almost as if he's scared, almost hesitant to cradle your bump with his burly hands. he's so gentle, it makes you giggle.

he raises a confused at your strange giggle, before asking turning his attention back to your unborn baby. "have you thought of a name for her yet?" he asks, fingers prodding and poking curiously at your cotton clad bump. "her? you want it to be a girl? another one?" you grin, lightly slapping his shoulder.

you're just at your 6th month mark, the special appointment just a week away. while you were at your 6th month, you did look more heavily pregnant than that. it wasn't unexpected after all, ushijima was a big guy who made big babies. all jokes aside, if you're going to be honest, before your first child, you never really thought ushijima was much of a family-oriented person.

while you did know he was somewhat traditional, you never knew it was to this extent. the moment he earned enough income, he had bought a house solely with his money, and urged you to quit your job, even though you didn't even have a child with him at the time. the two of you were freshly married, and yet he still wanted to you stay at home. "i just want my wife to be happy and comfortable at home."

and if you're going to be even more honest, it's like his love for you had doubled since then. even seemingly, if it's even possible, tripling with the birth of your first daughter. lavish nonstop gifts and flowers constantly showing up at your door while he's away, sweet little cards with written "i love you"s.

just how long ago was it when he was still a young lad, still wearing his school uniform and still deciding on his future? it flusters you a little, the way he's such a man now. his hand moves down to your waist, pulling you flush against him.

he dotes in the way you meekly avoid eye contact with him, even after all these years, after the countless of love making the two of you had, you still blush even when holding his hand. "y/n," he calls, free hand coming up to your chin to make you look at him. he revels in the light blush on your cheeks before he's leaning down to kiss you.

the kiss is soft and tender, his lips taking the lead and pushing against yours. his grip on your waist prevents you from pulling away, effectively trapping you in, it makes you wonder if he knows how strong his grip on you is. you swallow back the nervous lump in your throat when he's suddenly pushing towards you more, angling his face to get impossibly closer.

it's not long before the kiss was leaving you breathless and causing you to tremble on your swollen ankles. noticing, ushijima effortlessly picked you up, carrying you bridal style to the master bedroom.

he's everything but unfocused, eyes watching intently as he caressed your body. he undressed you, careful and slowly like the first time. and still like the first time, his pupils dilated at the sight of your bare skin and curves. he was quick to attach his lips to your neck, suckling at your collarbone and every soft spot he could think of, leaving angry red marks wherever he could latch onto.

laying you down onto your back, he threw aside your bra, his hands massaging your plush and heavy mounds. "they've gotten bigger.." he said to himself, noticing the way your breasts nearly spill out of his considerably large hands. his cock twitches in his pants when a spill of milk leaks out of your swollen bud.

like nature, he takes your nipple into his mouth, eagerly sucking down the milk that trickles out. his other hand squeezes at your free breast before he's switching to said breast and repeating his actions onto the puffy bud. ushijima has always seemed to love your breasts, even when they were much smaller than what they are now.

he finally pulls away from them, pushing the mounds together, kneading them like a type of stress ball. he could play with your breasts all day, but unfortunately he doesn't seem to have the luxury for that.

you coo out his name, eyes brimming with tears of pleasure. he leans down to kiss you passionately, only pulling away when you tug at the hem of his t-shirt. he gives into your request, quickly discarding the t-shirt. you've seen his body many times before, yet you still cannot help the obsession you have with it.

ushijima notices the lustful look you have in your eyes, noting that it's similar to those of the strange women who surrounded him earlier. as your palm comes up to caress against his hard abs, trailing up and down his pecs and abdomen, he suddenly remembers what you told him during the early days of your relationship, when he asked you why you got so excited when he took his shirt off during a swim party.

"you're such a man, 'toshi.." you mewl when his finger pads come up to press against your clit. yes, thats it. because he's "manly." your hand grips at his bicep, squeezing the muscle as he slides a finger into your wet cunt. he grunts slightly as your walls contract around his finger, eventually adding a second.

he remembered being told that women eventually become loose after a while, but that was when he was young. now, that he's an experienced man, he knows how dumb that stupid belief is, most likely made up by some pitiful losers. he even has some evidence to back it up, as you're still so tight, even after all these years of taking his thick cock.

"'toshi.." you cry out, clawing at his arm when he adds in a third finger. he doesn't hesitate to find your sweet spot, abusing it ruthlessly, looking down at you with curious eyes as you writhe underneath him. with years of skill and dedication, he's making you cum far quicker than you expected. you arch your back, fingers gripping around his bicep as you clench your eyes shut, orgasm taking you by storm.

in the aftershock, your thighs are already trembling, tears falling from your eyes as you try to regain your breath. obviously, you know this is not the end of his pleasurable torture. his hand attaches at the back of your knee, pulling your left leg upwards towards your chest. he climbs closer to you, his right leg crosses over your right leg and tucking underneath your calf.

you look down as you begin to take deep breaths, seeing as ushijima's hand wraps around his cock so he can guide it towards your helpless cunt. the stretch has you closing your eyes shut, tears escaping as the burn shakes you to your core. "f-fuck.." you rasp out, only relaxing when ushijima places a comforting hand against yours.

he slowly rocks his hips into yours, grunting slightly in pleasure at the feel of your gummy walls around him. he pushes your knee back a little further, but theres only so much as it could go before it's stopped by your precious baby bump.

you're so beautiful, so pretty underneath him. he can't help the way his cheeks flush a little at the way you're sprawled out underneath him. face contorted in pleasure, your swollen breasts jiggle with every movement, belly round with his second child, you're everything he's ever wanted. you're everything he's only ever wanted to have.

he soon finds himself losing himself to you, hips desperately humping against you so hard it has you jolting against the futon. his hand comes up to cradle your tear scarred cheek, admiring your gentle features.

you feel yourself grow a little conscious at the way your body seems to jiggle a little more than usual. you remember the time you were too a little more toned and active, but with your first daughter you had gained a healthy amount of weight, as per ushijima, and the doctor's request.

you remember asking ushijima if you should get back into fitness to lose the gained weight, only to be surprised when he said a stern "no," faced contorted with distaste and bewilderment. later that same night, and even now, your fears were/are soothed at the way he pawed at the plush of your waist and thighs, finding comfort in the soft flesh.

"ah, wakatoshi 'm gunna cum." you moan out, but before you could even finish your sentence, ushijima is rolling his hips in a way that has nearly has you screaming in pleasure if not for the nearby pillow. he knows you like the back of his hand, almost studying your body in his younger days to find more ways to pleasure you more sufficiently.

"y/n-" he croaks out, doubling down and throwing himself against your body, hiding his face in the valley of your breasts as you clenched around him so tightly it caused his own orgasm. he stilled against you, cock sheathed entirely inside you, spilling his warm seed inside you as he held his own breath, cursing silently as you milked him so deliciously.

finally, he let go of the breath he was holding, his thighs slightly trembling as he held himself up as to not crush you. his cock, now limp, left the warm confirms of your core as he pulled away so he could lay down next to you. his arm wrapped around your shoulders, trying to pull you close to him until he was reminded of your baby bump.

you giggled at the way he fumbled to somehow get you flush against him, eventually getting comfortable into a position that had you on your still back while he was on his side, head resting against his neck while his arm laid over your chest.

"i love you." he whispered softly, nose inhaling deeply into the sweet scent of your hair as you slept. he listened quietly to the your soft snores, wanting to keep this moment locked, hidden away forever.

please leave a like and repost with tags :)

#haikyuu pregnant #haikyu x reader #haikyuu breeding #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu #haikyū!!#haikyuu fluff #ushijima fluff #haikyuu ushijima #ushijima x you #hq ushijima #ushijima x reader #ushijima wakatoshi #ushijima x reader smut #ushijima smut #⨳ pregnant sex #⨳ soft sex #⨳ family dream #⨳ big dick

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spacerockfloater · 2 months

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Being a female viewer and hating Criston Cole is deranged.

I have to get this off my chest. The blind hatred that Criston is receiving from women is insane and I’m going to explain why.

For context, I am talking about Show Criston, not Book Criston. Comparing two standalone versions of a story is silly.

I cannot wrap my head around the fact that so many women, who are the primary victims of utilitarian relationships, would ever come together and shit on Criston for enduring such a situation.

I’m sorry, but how many of you have been used by men? How many of you have been reduced to one night stands, situationships and placeholder wives? How many of you have been deemed “not good enough” to be an exclusive partner? I log into tiktok and I see NOTHING but stories of broken women who are just used for sex, money, care and whatnot by men, and then they are tossed away like worthless trash while said men continue their pursuit of the ideal woman. Being used by men just for sex and being denied the status of girlfriend, let alone wife, is probably one of the worst plagues women are experiencing in the western world because the MOMENT we were emancipated, men understood that they don’t owe us shit anymore and instead of treating us with respect, they decided to grab whatever they can and give nothing back. Do not tell me that there are women out there that are fine with this arrangement because the multiple “GWM while I tell you about the guy that was with me for 12 years and then married someone else” tell a different story, one of multiple women’s dignities being trampled by hungry men. My heart breaks for every woman (EVERY woman, cis, trans, EVERY woman) who has been called by a man she loves just for sex, for every woman whose man never wanted to be seen in public with her, for every woman who had to hear that her man is not ready for a relationship only to witness him getting engaged to another woman 2 weeks after. I hope you overcome this and become stronger and I am glad that we are finally supporting one another.

How can we then, the women who are helping other female victims rise up and speak out against this kind of abuse, push Criston down and tell him to suck it up and accept being Rhaenyra’s plaything? Have we no mercy? Are we so hungry for revenge against men that we’d want them to endure the same humiliation that we did, as if one fictional man’s suffering would bring us justice? Are we so jealous that Criston didn’t sit down and just take it like the rest of us, but instead spoke up and removed himself from that situation? Or are we so gullible that we accept what the screenwriters shove down our throats and unknowingly support the patriarchic view that if you’re being used by someone you should just accept it?

I can hear some of you arguing that “Oh, this is different because Rhaenyra is royalty!” as if being used and tossed by a powerful person somehow makes the situation any better? Would it be okay if a rich person wanted to constantly use you for sex while he keeps looking for a better woman to be by his side, just because he values his wealth and status more? Rhaenyra straight up sneered at the idea of a simple life with him. She straight up told him that HE is not worth as much as her crown. OUCH. Even though I can’t even begin to imagine the pain of being told you are not enough by your loved one, it was Rhaenyra’s right to choose what her priorities are, but WHY would he have to accept being her sidepiece? “These were different times”: does this make it any less devastating for the victim? And he was a victim because Rhaenyra still used Criston and misled him by constantly complaining about how she HATES her duties for YEARS and then luring him to break his oath. Do you think he would have still slept with her if he was aware that moments ago, Rhaenyra was begging on her knees to be fucked by Daemon and only turned to Criston because her first option was no longer available? Like, the man was contemplating having sex with her and resisted her for a good fucking while, so imagine how quickly he would have turned around and walked out that door if he had that information beforehand. You know why? Because he loved her. He loved her to the point that he broke his oath for her, the oath of a station he FOUGHT FOR IN A WAR. He shed blood and sweat and risked his life for the mere opportunity to gain that position. This was ALL he had, he came from NOTHING and he was still willing to toss it all away for Rhaenyra not once, but twice. It wasn’t just sex he wanted because we never see him have sex again after that. He became vulnerable and gave up everything that he was to be with Rhaenyra. He was willing to abandon his whole identity for her sake. Is this not what the ideal partner is? Ready to abandon everything for your shake? Everything he fought for, tooth and nail? Was he unreasonable in thinking that Rhaenyra was willing to do the same for him? Was he crazy to think that because he was ready to put everything he FOUGHT for aside for her shake, Rhaenyra would also put aside a duty she was handed and actively seem to hate for him too? Fuck no! After hearing her constant talk about how she hates her father, her duties, her refusal to wed other men, how she is trapped as a princess, how people have no idea how much it SUCKS being her, why would he not assume that she’d be willing to give it all up for him, as he’d do for her We never see Rhaenyra even TRY to be a ruler, just complain about it. Of course it would be a fucking shock to him hearing her say “Lol dude, I actually do kinda want this”.

Criston was actually the only person in the series that wanted Rhaenyra for her, not her money or crown. I’m not saying she had to follow him, it was her right to refuse him, but his willingness to lead a simple life with just her has got to mean something. And don’t give me that “he only wanted to redeem his honour by marrying her” crap, because first of all Criston nutted up and admitted everything to Alicent and was ready to face death without EVER blaming Rhaenyra for anything, and second of all, oh no, how dare a human being have ethical values and desire to live with dignity in society’s broad light rather than move in the shadows as the princess’s secret boytoy! Bad, bad Criston for feeling you have to atone for your sins. Maybe we as people have become so corrupt that we envy those who wish to walk a virtuous path in life. Or maybe y’all have become so fond of the unhinged unapologetic character trope because it feels “original” (even if it’s ridiculously overused nowadays) that you’ve actually forgotten what characters with good morals are. Like, picking your fave war criminal and rolling with them because you enjoy good drama, especially in a show that’s meant to provide entertainment, is one thing, but passionately stating that Criston had to submit to that humiliation is something else entirely.

Finally, let’s ditch the Criston being a misogynist bullshit because he had NO issue obeying Rhaenyra before their affair or Alicent. And he is ALWAYS true to himself and his values, because even after everything he endured, he did not use Alicent’s anger as an excuse to take revenge on Rhaenyra and harm her children. Criston never betrayed her, Rhaenyra used him and he walked away and he went towards the only person who seemed to spare him some sympathy and understand him and not condemn him for his crimes even if he hated himself, which is typical victim mentality. And don’t get me started on the Joffrey incident because y’all tore Cole to SHREDS for it. Joffrey had it fucking coming. You don’t go up to people’s faces, especially ones you don’t know, threaten them by telling them you know their secret, a secret that SHAMES them and burdens them to the point they’re ready to commit suicide, and all but directly call them a whore. What the fuck did he think was going to happen? They’d shake hands? Piss off. Let this be a lesson to anyone that doesn’t know how to keep their mouths shut and their noses out of other people’s business. Also, mocking his suicide attempt makes my stomach turn. Just take a moment to consider all the young women who just like him, reluctantly surrendered their virginities to men only to find out they were nothing but sex dolls in their eyes, all these girls whose trust led to their secret being spread and them getting ridiculed and slut shamed for it: how many girls have taken their own lives because they found living with such a burden unbearable?

For the love of everything you hold sacred, please wake up sisters. The narrative that you can be used by someone powerful and you have to accept it because that’s the way things are is a man’s construct. Do not let them fool you.

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hmsindecision · 10 days

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You know how many women think that the men in their lives are the exception or are safer than other men? Or they think those men will somehow protect them from the other men—the “bad” ones?

That is a tool of female subordination. To make us believe that we need them, to make us GRATEFUL that they “aren’t that bad”. The same way we say that abusive men are part of the patriarchal ecosystem because they drag the bar down so we give mediocre or garden-variety misogynist men more of a pass. Abusive relationships often involve convincing a woman that this is the best she will ever have it, and that anyone else would treat her worse.

We (feminists who have done some work on this) can recognize that this is ridiculous. Bad behavior is bad behavior.

But how might this look on a larger scale? I’ll give you the answer. Racism. Racism is intertwined with patriarchy.

How, you might ask? Well, let’s look at an example. Maybe a white woman is told that yes, there is so much male violence out there. But, the patriarchal message goes, it isn’t the men near you, the white men, the ones in your community. It’s the immigrants, it’s racial “minorities”. This deflection technique serves the white men of her community by making it harder for her to believe if she is assaulted (“HE wouldn’t do something like that” “not an upstanding community member”) as well as enforcing property value on women (racist white males think of a black man partnered with a white woman the way they think of a black man owning the house next to theirs). If it is always the “other” doing a crime in popular imagination, but in reality usually the men closest to you, this is something that patriarchy fosters as a distraction technique and as a long term strategy to damage the credibility of women.

The truth is, patriarchy DOES look different in different places. But that isn’t because the men are somehow better or smarter or more enlightened or less “naturally” violent. Thinking that some men are safe is a way to cope with the fact that no men are safe.

Just like gendered socialization exists everywhere but has localized features for women, it is the same for men. Different ways to demean and slaughter and assault us are popular in different cultures. But if a man of one culture was raised in another, he would simply do misogyny a different way. Or do you not think that republican white guy your friend is dating would be pro-FGM if he had been born into that culture? Do you not think that men would simply find other strategies to oppress us?

Thinking that you will be safe with men in your racial group (the most likely to rape and murder you) is a false security driven by both racism and your brain not wanting to acknowledge how unsafe you are.

A random man of another race is less likely to rape and kill you than your male lover of the same race is. You just still crave the false patriarchal “safety” of having a male protect you like property. Deconstruct that, girl.

#racism #radical feminism

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1800-page-not-found · 10 months

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Being drunk and complaining how you think your bf/gf is prettier than you (genshin men+women x fem reader) PART 3

ITS THE HARBINGERSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Not doing scaramouche cuz i already did in part 2

Dottore, Columbina, Sandrone x reader (seperate)

TW: implied unhealthy relationship (for dottore bc that man does not treat anyone like a human being, i have mixed feelings about that guy), and id like to state that i do NOT support toxic relationships.

Making another part for the other harbingers bc im really sleepy rn and I just wanna give you guys something because I havent posted in a long time.

The next part contains Pantalone, Tartaglia, Arlecchino x reader (seperate)

Maybe i'll do Signora, Pierro, and Capatino? but Capatino wears a mask??? wtv lol

Please note that you may not like "[name]"s personality, as it may differ from yours.

You had met Zandik when he was a scholar at the Akademiya, before he was expelled for his crimes and immoral acts. Fortunately, unlike the last girl who had fancied him, Sohreh, he did not mutilate your body, because somehow in that rather small and close to non existing heart of his, was you.

But unfortunately, you could not escape his unhinged mindset. You relied too much on the Akasha System. When he did get expelled, you followed with him. After all, thats what the Akasha showed which was best for you. Hundreds of years went by, and he became a powerful harbinger. He still gave you freedom, to some extent. So how did you wind up at his office, crying and drunk?

"Zandik" You cried.

You were ultimately weak in the mind due to your heavy dependency that Dottore had created for you. He smiled as you cried into his shoulder, dampening his clothes.

"Yes dear? What happened for you to come crying to me?" He was your white knight.

You quickly learned that somehow, dottore would always save you, relieving you of your agony. Like he did with the ruin machines when they found Sohreh's body.

"O-one of your clones said you didn't love me and you had another woman…" you hiccup in between your words.

"My dear, do not fret, there are no other women in my life besides you. Why would I require someone else? Those clones can be quite troublesome, and not all of them are friendly. I apologize for their behavior." He soothed you, patting your back. 'Yes, yes...let it all out,' he thought. His clones were doing well, their original sole purpose was to create insecurities and confusion in your mind.

"But-But, I'm not even that pretty, even you're prettier than me! Theres plenty of women who are better than me-what if you dont love me one day?" You mumble, your head still lying on his shoulder.

"Darling, I have to say, I am surprised by your irrational behavior. My affection for you is undeniable, and the fact that you would suggest otherwise is quite hurtful..." Your eyes widened.

Oh, how could you hurt him like that?! After everything he's done for you?...

"No-no! I'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt you, I-"

"Do you trust me [name]?" He cuts you off.

"Huh? Of course I do!"

"Good, now please can we move on? If we continue to talk about this, my heart will ache even more." He starts to make an expression that he knows will make you feel guilty. You've really fallen deeper into the rabbit hole now.

--------

Columbina had saved you at your lowest, and you had devoted your every fiber of yourself to her. You decided to get stronger, your sole motivation being paying back your benefactor. Well, that was until the angel-like harbinger said you could pay her back by forming a relationship with her.

You did start off as friends, but that slowly spiraled into a more intimate relationship. You promised to be there for her whenever and wherever, but really, does the harbinger who's ranked third really need protecting?... I mean, you're so much weaker than her, how can you protect her when she's in danger?

That thought slowly grew in your mind-you can't help but just let it all out when drunk on the fine vodka Columbina had brought back for you and her to enjoy...until well, you drank the whole bottle.

You stared at the empty bottle in your hand that once held the highest quality of vodka.

"[name], my dear, what's on your mind?" Columbina spoke softly, her voice sounding like a lovely melody in your ears.

"Mmmm...I don't wanna bother youuu..." You dragged out your words, slurring your speech.

Columbina stood up from the couch and took the bottle out from your hands and gently placed it on the glass coffee table, making a small 'kling' sound. She sat back down and held your hands, which were rather cold so she decided to warm them up.

It was strange how she always kept her eyes closed, but no matter what always aware of her surroundings. This only increased your insecurity, after all, only one with great strength could do such things...and you couldn't.

"[name]." She let go of your hands and placed hers on your cheek, and kissed you softly. "Your thoughts will never be a bother all right? I'll always be there to protect you and be by your side." She smiled at you warmly.

You started to cry, the alcohol heightening your emotions. "That's-that's the thing!" You let out a sob, wiping your tears. "I-I don't want to just rely on you, I want you to rely on me too! But, I'm so much weaker than you and, and you excel in everything! You're smart, strong, independent, and so, so much prettier than me and everyone, you deserve so much better than me I-" Your rant was cut short when Columbina kissed you again softly.

"Oh, [name], I never knew you felt this way, I want you to know that I rely on you every single day, there is not a single moment where I don't rely on you. I know you probably don't believe it, but you make me feel so happy. I don't care if you think that I outshine you, because in my eyes you're the most beautiful and amazing person in the entirety of Teyvat. You're perfect in my eyes just the way you are, and no one else can take that spot." Her voice really soothed you, and as she spoke, you stopped crying.

"R-really? You mean it?..." You sniffled, wiping your tears off your face.

"Yes, now please, there's no need to cry anymore alright?" she kissed your forehead and held you in a warm embrace on the couch.

"Mhm…alright, thank you, I love you…" You rubbed your eyes, tired from crying and fell asleep in Columbina's arms.

Once you were sound asleep, Columbina picked you up, carrying you in her arms bridal style and set you gently on the bed, making sure you're comfortable before crawling into the bed and cuddling with you.

The next day, you woke up, eyes puffy and not a single memory of last night. When you asked your lover, she just giggled and walked away, leaving you confused.

--------

Sandrone was an interesting character. When you first met, you had actually died. Well more like on the verge of death. Somehow, for some reason, she had saved you, as she had basically turned you into part automaton.

You were supposedly her 'puppet', but, puppets don't act this human. You were crazy for confessing your love to her, the harbinger who was known for only caring about her own works, and having a god awful personality to come with it.

Well, fortunately for you, you did count as one of her works, so perhaps that was the reason why she accepted your confession and you two started being in a relationship?...you still couldn't wrap your mind about this, you were really happy to say the least.

Today, you had practically begged her to come with you to have a picnic and stargaze. She was being quite stubborn. But of course, she couldn't outmatch your own stubbornness and you, thus she gave in.

You were so excited, yet here you were, sitting on the blanket, extremely drunk. You smiled at her, all giggly and bubbly as you wrapped yourself around her arm, hugging her.

Sandrone sighed and frowned, she stopped her work just for this? I mean, it was you... (She'd never admit to loving spending time with you, she's gotta keep her reputation up... but everyone knows, even you, that she has an extremely soft spot for you (and only you.))

"[name]...quit staring at me like that!" sandrone flicked your forehead, earning an 'owwww' from you.

After recovering from the ferocious attack, you laughed and smiled. "But you're just sooooo pretty! I can't keep my eyes off you, the prettiest girl in Teyvat!"

You lowered your voice to a whisper "I think you're prettier than me, all the other harbingers, and the Tsaritsa- Ow!"

She slapped the back of your head. "I will not allow you to speak of her majesty the Tsaritsa like that, [name]!"

She crossed her arms and turned her head away from you, looking angry.

Although, her words seemed to contradict her statement just now. She spoke quietly under her breath, "plus, youre the most prettiest girl in Teyvat, [name]..."

You perked up, perhaps having heightened senses was a good thing. "I heard that!" You shouted and smiled. "You really think that-"

"W-what?! No! You must be imagining things!" She yelled back at you. "Damn it, I shouldn't have heightened your sense of hearing too! Ugh!"

All you did was laugh teasingly at her frustration and embarrassment getting caught being nice, specifically to you. Until you blacked out from the alcohol. That reallllllllyyyy freaked her out, as she frantically carried you back home. (Well, the only reason she showed her 'nicer' side was really due to the only witness being her modified automaton.)

You had slept for a whole day before waking up at noon, with a god awful hangover, causing you to throw up.

(Sandrone ordered one of her machines to take care of you in secret and report to her every hour about your status.)

#genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact #dottore x reader #il dottore x reader #il dottore #columbina x reader #columbina #sandrone #sandrone x reader #harbingers x reader #harbinger x reader #dottore

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icypenguin · 9 days

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Ok so can I request the sbg x wony reader but instead of SHES THE ONE AND ONLY SEO CHANGBIN FROM SKZ (she can beat ass.. and can pick ben with one arm :3

⋆ ˚｡ Pretty Phantom Breaker ⋆౨ৎ˚

cw: limping, running away from phantoms, thoughts of broken bones (that’s all i guess??)

a/n: HIHIHI AND OFCCC! but.. i dunno if this is how u expected T-T i hope i got your idea right and personalities right too.. i’m not really in that side of socials BUT DW DW GOTCHUUU anyway this is a platonic relationship with the sbg gang!!! hope you like itttt!

divider credits: @iluvrei @dollywons

to everyone’s eyes, you were known to be a clean, healthy, pretty and feminine girl. everyone always appreciate you for that. In school or literally anywhere, you’re always the one who soreads positive energy, and that’s what the gang loves you about.

you’re always focusing on a healthy life style (even if every night you’re teleported into some other realm) which makes it beneficial for the gang. They sometimes wonder, how can you be so positive even if it sounds like it’s the end for them?

“hey y/n, can you recommend me any blush? I’ve been seeing people use this like.. lisptick blush thing? i dunno what that is.. but it sounds cool!” you and taylor was sitting besides eachother on a bench, waiting for the others to finish class since you finished your work sooner. “ah! rare beauty? yes that’s a popular one nowadays! i do recommend you buying one of it since it comes in many different shade! it’s really useful, you can use it as a gloss and a blush!” picking up your phone to show the pictures of the different shade, the others were finally back.

“ughh i hate maths.. so booringgg…” complained aiden as he rolled his eyes. “well.. i suggest you to pay more attention in class rather than making paper airplanes” ashlyn stays in a monotone tone while logan, ben, and tyler ignored them.

taylor whispered a “thanks!” before moving on to the next topic, “well, took you guys long enough to finish that 5 kindergarten riddle” she joked while grabbing her bag in action to go home. “if it weren’t for that moron, we would NOT be take this long… burden pfft-“ tyler frowned, not making eye contact with anyone except him. “well- friends stay together right? they wait for eachother!” the others groaned as aiden pulled out this ‘friendship line’.

soon, you all started to walk to the main entrance while chit chatting random stuffs. you noticed aiden got closer, meaning he wanted to ask you something. “y/n, is it true that broccoli are better than sausages?” he stared with a curious look on his face. “well ofcourse, it’s better to eat broccoli everyday than to eat sausages everyday..” you smiled and gave him a thumbsup. “awwh man, i love wieners…” hearing that response, you laughed along with taylor whose heard your conversation.

! time skip phantom realm !

somehow, the phantoms were chasing the whole gang… thanks to aiden’s loud shout i guess.. “ugh did you really have to scream that loud to safe your darling ashlyn!?” tyler seemed irritated by how aiden was acting. “it’s called friendship okay!? just like how you protect taylor-“ he fired back the comment back to tyler and it kept going on and on. their bickering kept on continuing until- “wait- ben!? where’s ben!?” taylor was looking around, checking everyone but seeing no sign of ben near them. suddenly, everyone’s attention has been spotlighted to ben, who was in the back, trying to catch up.

when you studied closer to see ben’s anatomy, you noticed he was limping. soon, everyone noticed this wound of ben and aiden, who does not think first, decided to run back to ben “ah-! ben- wait for me-!”

ofcourse he tried to help ben but only ended up with them walking slower. as the phantoms were getting closer and everyone’s heart was beating as fast as ever, hoping they would be safe, you did what you had to did. rushing towards both men who’s being chased by a bunch of phantoms, you lifted them one in each of your arm. you didn’t really like to show this side of you, but what choices are there?

ofcourse, they were shocked to see how the feminine you- is able to carry 2 guys in a blink of an eye. “whatthe-“ tyler exclaimed in a shocked and unbelievable tone, while the others just stare at you speechless.

meanwhile ben and aiden was taken aback by the sudden lift, aiden adapted quickly and cheered you on “go go go! go y/n!” ben was just giving up his whole body on you and trusted you on his life.

as you rushed forward to the gang, the phantoms were catching speed of you too. but luckily, you catched up to them and you all managed to get into the base or the bus graveyard.

“phew that was rough…” panting while dropping those two men softly on the ground, the others stared at you with wide eyes, suprised by your skill. “what. was. that.” tyler shot back from his thoughts and stared at you. “that was so cool, y/n.. i didn’t know you can do that..!” logan admired you while having a happy and amused face. “aww thanks guys… i thought you’ll be weirded by it..” you rubbed the back of your neck while looking down, not used to have compliments by this skill of yours. “no way! you saved their life!” taylor gives you a pat on the back as a supportive sign. too, ashlyn got into the conversation “it’s honestly a relief for all of us…” she handed you a bottle of water for you to finally calm yourself down.

meanwhile the others were all fine, aiden and ben both thanked you before healing ben’s leg that logan thought can be of broken bone. tyler, at the corner, was scoffing. he had a high hope of becoming the strongest one in the group and he even thought he was! but i guess.. more suprises for him?

“aww tylerrr, don’t be so busteddd~” taylor laughed at her brother being to irritated and jelous. “w-what!? i’m not!” he barked back at taylor while having a clear jealous look on his face. “pfft yeah? than it’s no matter if i call you weak?” tyler then started chasing taylor as he wanted revenge.

you felt something tap your shoulder, ashlyn was looking at the corner to a phantom that.. successfully entered the base outta nowhere. “do you think you can break it?” she asked you with full trust.

maybe.. maybe you can be a phantom breaker champion?

♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ. thankyou for supporting! ୨♡୧

#school bus graveyard x reader #school bus graveyard #sbg x reader #tyler sbg #aiden sbg #ashlyn sbg #sbg ben #tyler hernandez x reader #ben clark x reader #aiden clark x reader #taylor hernandez x reader #ashlyn banner x reader #logan fields x reader #logan sbg #ben sbg #taylor sbg #sbg (webtoon)

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flowerandblood · 1 year

Text

My Best Friend (1)

[modern! club owner • Aemond x fem!reader]

[warnings: mention of stalking]

[description: Aemond has his own club and often does business at the home of one of his business associates. There he often meets his younger sister, with whom he develops a deeper relationship through shared secrets. This is slow burn love story.]

* English is not my first language. Please, do not repost. Enjoy! *

Previous and next chapters: Masterlist

_____

This series has a sequel under a different title, My Beloved Nymph, which you can read here: Part 1

_____

Aemond arrived at their house a little late, angry and discouraged. He had to drive the drunk and mumbling Aegon home again and reassure their mother, that he would be fine. He was tired of being his nanny. He slammed the car door shut and walked out of the driveway onto the porch of house.

He knocked on the door. After a few moments he heard footsteps and the sound of a lock opening. It was opened by Klaus, a tall, handsome brunette with a slender face and brown eyes. He was the owner of the house and his longtime buissnes partner. He got him access to all kinds of booze - and more - to the club Aemond owned.

"Sorry, something stopped me." He said shortly as he entered.

Klaus just looked at him meaningfully.

"Aegon?"

Aemond didn't answer. His grimace was enough. He took off his leather jacket and hung it on the hanger. They went into the living room, where two other men were sitting - Albert and Criston.

Aemond immediately shook hands with the second man - they had been on good terms for years, Criston was also a frequent visitor to his club. He shook Albert's hand as well, though not as much with joy.

Albert was a slippery and unpredictable man. Aemond knew, that he had been trying to do business with the Mafia for years, and he preferred to stay away from such things. After a brief greeting, Aemond settled into one of the armchairs.

Klaus offered him a drink and Aemond just nodded. The living room and kitchen were separated from each other only by a countertop. Following Klaus, he saw, that there was another person standing in the kitchen.

The girl he saw was the younger sister of Klaus. Their eyes met. She smiled at him in greeting, and he nodded to her.

Y/N was still on University. He knew, that she was a designer and could draw. Sometimes she would sketch them from afar at one of their meetings, though she hid herself so well, that usually no one noticed. Aemond, though they had only exchanged a few sentences during their "acquaintance", was fond of her.

She didn't seek constant attention and didn't bother them, unless something very urgent happened. She distanced herself from their affairs, knowing, that some things were better left out.

Sometimes, when they drank too much and she came down to get a glass of water at night, Klaus would make fun of her and she would make him laugh and tease him. They were tossing some nonsense and rolling with laughter, causing Criston and Albert to laugh too. He envied their relationship.

Although he had a good relationship with his sister, Healena, they were never able to establish such a connection. They were both incredibly closed and distant. Y/N and Klaus were assertive and empathetic, mischievous in a comical way, but at the same time, somehow, affectionate. They reminded him in an unpleasant way of how broken his family was.

Y/N went upstairs and they started discussing business topics. Albert tried to get Aemond to take some "new" drugs from his mob colleagues, but he steadfastly refused. No amount of money or opportunity could force him to get into this shit. Most of all, he wanted Klaus to get him whiskey and vodka at a better price than before.

They talked until late. Criston was the first to say goodbye, an hour later Albert left. Aemond also got up to slowly make his way home, but Klaus' voice stopped him.

"How is your father?"

Aemond stopped. He didn't know, if he wanted to discuss this. His mother tried to talk to him about it, but he didn't want to. Not with her. Klaus, however, was an outsider. Aemond sighed.

"Getting worse." He replied after a moment of silence. "He confuses my mother's name with his ex-wife."

Klaus was silent for a moment.

"Let's have another drink."

One drink turned into two, then three. Aemond was talking about Aegon and his father. About how when he opened the club, his father didn't go there once. About Aegon having a drinking and gambling problem. That he keeps bringing home new girls, much to his mother's despair.

He was surprised, that he was spilling all this, but Klaus was a good listener. He didn't interrupt him or lecture him. Occasionally he would comment on a sentence, but generally he looked at him with understanding.

Aemond felt he had drunk too much. His ears were ringing and his head ached terribly. He rubbed his temple, closing his one eye.

"I should go home now." He said as he slowly got up from his chair. He felt dizzy and grabbed the fireplace mantle beside him.

"Oh, man, you're not going anywhere." Klaus laughed, supporting him by the arm. "Sleep on the couch. Tomorrow is Sunday, so you don't have to go anywhere in the morning anyway."

Normally, Aemond would have refused, but today he didn't have the strength. It was almost three in the morning, he could have ordered an Uber, but he was afraid he would puke all over the car.

"All right."

***

He was awakened from a deep sleep by the gentle clinking of plates and cups. He opened an eye but closed it immediately, blinded by the morning light from the windows. His head was bursting. He wondered what time it was.

He made one more attempt to look ahead and saw, that Y/N was quietly bustling about in the kitchen. He could see, that her movements were slowed down, trying not to slam cupboards and putting dishes away, without making any louder noises. Her face was literally determined not to wake him.

She glanced at him to see, if she was succeeding, and when she met his gaze, she frowned apologetically.

"Sorry, I'm so hungry." She said, as if she had to justify herself, that she wanted to have breakfast at her own home.

"I'll be making scrambled eggs and casseroles. Will you eat with me?” She asked, her voice light and unjustified contentment.

"What time is it?" He asked instead of answering, rising to a sitting position and clutching his head. He felt like it would explode. Y/N looked at him understandingly.

"Eleventh." She said, and he just let out a heavy breath. He knew he shouldn't have had any more booze, and he wished he'd not listened to Klaus.

Y/N started to rummage in one of the cupboards, standing on tiptoes. It caught his attention, that she herself was still in her pajamas. It was warm, so she was wearing shorts and a black T-shirt with the words "Depeche Mode" written on it. The corner of his mouth twitched up.

Very often they played songs of this band in his club. Apparently Y/N found what she was looking for, because she turned to him and waved a box of painkillers at him. He just nodded without saying a word, and she poured water into a glass. She brought it to him along with the pills and placed it on the table in front of him.

"Thank you." He replied, reaching straight for the package. Y/N sighed sympathetically but said nothing. He appreciated it. He didn't want to listen to mothering and lecturing about the effects of drinking too much alcohol.

Aemond got up and Y/N went back to making breakfast. He sat on the other side of the counter on the seat, so that he watched what she was doing. He had to admit, that in the chaos of her activities, he had to appreciate her resourcefulness and how she also kept the scrambled eggs from curdling and the casseroles from burning to a crisp.

At first he didn't feel like eating, but the smells, that reached his nose, made him change his mind.

"Sorry for the trouble." He finally said, realizing that Y/N was doing him a favor. She just shrugged and laughed.

"Come on. Happens to the best ones." She said and looked at him with a smile.

Only now, looking at her from a closer distance, he realized, that her eyes were not blue. They were blue-green, changing color slightly depending on the light. Her dark, long eyelashes, eyebrows and hair, made her eyes look even bigger. He watched her silently.

She had a soft, relaxed face. Her figure was slender and fragile, and she was quite short. The shorts showed off her long legs. He thought, that she’s pretty. He was snapped out of his thoughts by the sound of her words. "Ready!" She made the verdict, placing the food on a plate. She handed him one, which made a beeping noise.

In the meantime, she made tea for herself and coffee for him. She didn't ask his opinion, but made it the way he liked it. Perhaps because Klaus had prepared one for him many times. It reminded him of her brother.

"Klaus won't be joining us?" He asked, trying the scrambled eggs. It was tasty, though he would have added more onions to it. Y/N looked at him. She swallowed her bite before answering.

“He said he would eat something in town. He has some errands to run at one of the stores. He asked me to take care of you." She said the last sentence with a slight amusement characteristic of her.

It wasn't ironic, it was more of a mild annoyance. The one she usually shared with her brother. Aemond frowned at her, the corner of his mouth twitching in what might have been called a smile. Y/N noticed the nuance as she smiled even wider.

Aemond feared, that Y/N would force him to talk, but she didn't. She ate in silence, staring at a point behind him, her eyes betraying, that she was thinking about something.

Aemond realized, that since he'd known her, Y/N had never shown any sign of reserve or fear of him. On the contrary, she was never afraid to express her opinion in front of him. She wasn't afraid of looking ridiculous in his eyes. He wouldn't be able to do it.

His image was everything to him. The lack of one eye and his blindfold created an invisible barrier around him, a wall, a vision of a cool, distant and resolute man. Also towards women, he always felt the need to be a domineering person, who could not tolerate opposition.

On the one hand, he needed directness, on the other hand, he felt, that the women he had met so far, expected this from him. Despite the confidence, that was real, he felt tense around them even, when he slept with them.

However, now, that he was sitting with Y/N at breakfast, he felt relaxed. He knew, that even if he remained cool and distant, he wouldn't discourage her. Her behavior towards him openly told him, that she had sympathy for him, and whether he wanted it or not, he couldn't reject that.

Y/N blinked as if she remembered something. She looked at him, but in a rather unusual way. She looked like she was considering whether to ask a question, but nothing came out of her mouth. Aemond stopped eating.

"Something happened?" He asked, wondering why she was staring at him like that.

Y/N put down her fork and thought for a moment. For someone so talkative, it took her quite a long time to put her thoughts into words. He knew she wanted to ask him something serious, and he didn't know if, after talking to Klaus yesterday, he wanted more outbursts.

"I don't want to burden you. But I have a problem." She said hesitantly, waiting for his reaction. Aemond raised his eyebrows.

"Problem?"

Y/N pursed her lips. It worried him. Her expression was desperation. He had no idea, what’s going on. She curled up in the seat and swallowed.

"Albert sends me messages." She said finally. Aemond's face hardened.

"Texts...uh." She rolled her eyes as if she couldn't say it. She shrugged. "Well, you know. And he sends me pictures of himself. God." She sighed, burying her face in her hands, eyes squeezed shut in embarrassment. “I asked him to stop. He stops for a few days, but then it's the same again." She said dropping her hands. She didn't look at him, she was ashamed.

“When he comes here, he doesn't seem to do anything. But when she greets and cuddles with me, she does it so that I…” She paused for a moment, her eyes turning red. Her knee began to move uncontrollably. She finally dared to look at his face.

He could see, that she was fighting herself not to cry. He felt his heart pounding. He swallowed hard, looked ahead, and drank some of the now-cold coffee. He thought, that he wanted to kill him. A voice snapped him out of his thoughts. “I wanted to ask you… Do you think I could talk him out of it somehow. Did you notice, that I was giving him mixed signals with my… behavior or in any other way? He once wrote to me that I pretended to be a saint, but I must be quite a... slut deep down, because of how I look at him." Her voice trembled as she uttered the last sentence, and Aemond felt his jaw tighten.

"I've never noticed you giving him any signals." He said slowly, through slightly clenched teeth.

Y/N stared at him with wide, red eyes. She was silent for a moment, then nodded and sighed. With the rest of her strength, she brought a slight smile to her face. She got up to collect their dishes.

"Thank you." She said, taking his plate. "You've calmed me down."

"Will you tell Klaus?" He asked, looking at her intensely. "Or do I have to do it?"

She stopped, her face hardened. She didn't look at him. She moved after a moment, but no answer came out of her mouth.

Aemond felt the blood pulsing through his veins. Her confession sobered him completely. He got up, walked around the counter, and came over to her, until they were inches apart. She turned to him, startled by his sudden movement.

"I asked you a question." He said coldly and low.

She looked at him with her big eyes. The words stuck in her mouth. She took a step towards him. Then the second. He wondered what she wanted to do, but didn't pull away. They were so close, that their faces were practically touching.

"Klaus knows." She said despairingly. "But they have signed contracts for next year. He would pay heavy fines for abandoning them, Albert made sure of that. Klaus is afraid, that if he wants to stop working with him, Albert will file an anonymous report about his illegal transactions. There are more of them than I thought. He never told me about it before."

There was bitterness in her words. She dropped her gaze to the floor. Aemond couldn't find the right words to say.

"How long has this been going on?" He asked softly, after a moment of silence. She didn't answer right away.

"...For two months."

They stood there speechless, each looking in a different direction, lost in their own thoughts. He felt Y/N rest her forehead against his chest. She covered her face with her hands and sobbed softly. He didn't move away.

Subconsciously, he placed a hand on her back. He stroked them with his fingertips. He placed his forehead against her hair and closed his eye. They were soft. He could smell the pleasant herbal scent of her shampoo in his nose.

"I'll take care of it."

#aemond x you #aemond targaryen #aemond fanfiction #aemond fic #aemond x oc #aemond x y/n #aemond x fem!reader #prince aemond #ewan mitchell #aemond the kinslayer

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emepe · 2 months

Text

— Pairing: Eren x Reader, friends to lovers

— General info: series, 18+, modern AU, serial killer AU, smut, fluff, angst, hurt/comfort

— Summary: Fate is a tricky thing. Certain situations can’t be avoided as much as certain people’s lives can’t be kept from intertwining. With a serial killer on the loose, and unexpected relationships blooming, how will the universe intervene?

— Chapter summary: A journal entry. Meanwhile, Armin does what he can to help Eren out.

— Content warnings: mentions of murder and torture of a woman, misogyny.

— Notes: Hello, hello! Thank you to everyone who liked and reblogged chapter 1 of this series. I really appreciate it <3 Happy reading, bubs!

Links: Read on AO3 | Chapter guide | Masterlist

just friends

September 8, 2024

There’s nothing I hate more than arrogant women. That’s why I had to kill her.

All I wanted was for her to smile at me. She wouldn’t. I filled her room with all her favorite things and even loosened her handcuffs. But she was so fucking hard-headed it drove me crazy. The little bitch even dared to spit at me. I had to teach her a lesson. I had to let out my anger somehow.

For a while, it was exciting to watch her writhe in pain. I can’t even begin to describe how thrilling it is to see how much a human can tolerate until they break. I told her it was compensation for the look she gave me the day we met. She kept lying and saying she didn’t even remember having bumped into me on the street.

I really wish she could’ve bounced back this time. I’m so lonely without her now. I miss her.

Humans are social by nature, it's what all the books say. When one is young, we need protection and love from our caregivers. As we grow, our world gradually expands and we bond with other people — friends from school, teachers, neighbors, coworkers. If one must stick to tradition, there's bound to be a romantic relationship to develop at some point. But for some people, that imposed path doesn't come naturally. Or rather, there have been blockages throughout the years that resulted in stunted social growth.

That's where you find yourself. It's not your fault. When one grows up forced to believe she's nothing but a burden, it's only natural to try to take up as little space as possible. But again, it's not your fault. One doesn't acquire those thoughts on their own.

You ruined my life!

As much as wellness and self-help gurus will preach there's a place in the world for everyone, self-awareness keeps you from blinding yourself toward the baggage you carry. It wouldn't be fair to lay that on anyone else.

So you've shrunk yourself. No making yourself seen, no making yourself heard. No talking outside of what is strictly necessary to survive. No inserting yourself into other's lives. For the most part, it's worked. Albeit, you've been deemed unlikable, weird, and rude. It's better this way. There's no use in putting yourself out there if there's so much to feel ashamed of. It's too much to trouble others with your pitiful self.

Who in the world would want to put up with you?

After the usual snarky murmurs and judgmental glances, you're rarely acknowledged save for when someone — usually a man — tries to “take a crack” at you and the whispers float in the air for another while. Other than that, you're at peace with yourself. You're almost convinced you've developed invisibility powers.

That is until Armin came along. At first, you sighed at the prospect of going over your routine yet again. Cementing boundaries and erasing any hope that it just takes the right guy to “loosen you up”. It was disgusting to have your quietness be misinterpreted for arrogance by the men at work. Even if that were the case, who was anybody to assume you needed to be knocked down a peg through sexual advances?

But Armin proved himself to be different. He tore away at your skepticism by simply being kind with no ulterior motives. Men can be so stupid. They'll believe a girl can't pick up when they're being slimy. It must've shocked them when you started having lunch with Armin more frequently.

It was thanks to him that you slowly expanded your world's limits. It was because of him that you began to question the voice that rang in your ears. After receiving the housewarming party invitation, you wondered whether to step forward or back. There was no denying Armin's expansion had awoken something in you. You wanted company — craved it — but you didn't want to risk bringing trouble into the group. What if Armin was an anomaly and the things that echoed in your head were true? Maybe Armin wasn't an anomaly at all, he just didn't know enough about you. You certainly didn't let him in enough.

In the end, your heart overruled your brain. You wanted more. With a hopeful heart, you went to the party.

A heavy sigh slips past your lips as you pick at your dinner on Sunday night. Your hair is still damp from the shower and it rests uncomfortably along your neck. Your phone lies next to your plate, buzzing every few seconds to match the texts that come into the group chat — arrangements are taking place for the next get-together with Armin and his friends.

After your moment of realization on the balcony, you faked a yawn and went back inside to pretend to fall asleep.

This morning, you avoided being alone with Eren. Not out of fear of something happening, but you needed to sort out your feelings on the situation.

There's no denying Eren is an attractive man — but that doesn't faze you.

Catching Eren's eye wasn't something you planned. Your world suddenly expanded outside of your will — out of your control. You're not annoyed, just overwhelmed.

Being the center of someone's attention means more expectations, more to live up to — he has no idea you're not the kind of girl he needs. Nobody needs someone who's a burden. It's not as if you're open to reciprocating any special attention, anyway.

If history has taught you anything, it’s that love isn't in the cards for you. It's best not to entertain any silly ideas.

Friendships are tricky, but no more than romance — or whatever crossed Eren's mind each time he looked at you. Keeping to oneself is easier than either one. But with the latter idea being too late to return to, you'll have to nip this problem in the bud.

The few hours before lunchtime seem to drag slower every Monday. Given that sparing time to eat was nothing but another task to check off your to-do list, you never used to pay much attention to the clock. But since Armin, lunchtime means more than bringing food to your mouth, methodically stretching your pace to fit the length of your lunch break.

Now it means meeting with a friend, having someone fill in the silence with tales from the accounting department, and occasionally going on quick drives to Kuchel.

So when you venture off to his cubicle, only for him to tell you he's swamped with work and won't have lunch until later, you're mildly disappointed. You don't let it show. After all, work trumps your trivial need for company.

So you wish him good luck and return to your desk. Without any conversation to fill in the minutes, you finish your food fairly quickly. When you glance at the time on your phone, barely fifteen minutes have passed. Your fingers tap rhythmically against your desk before you decidedly stand, grab your bag, and head for the elevator.

The coffee shop on the corner of the street has been your go-to spot since you started working here. You've been there alone and with Armin. It's where your feet take you on the rare occasions when Armin is too busy. There's nothing wrong with the in-house coffee kiosk from your office building, but you find more comfort in being surrounded by strangers who keep to themselves than bumping into someone who doesn't like you.

The early September days serve as a transition into cooler temperatures. A light breeze has added to the warmth leftover from summer. The leaves have yet to develop a clear change in color, but some yellow streaks are popping up here and there. The beginning of autumn pushes you toward all things cozy. By the time you reach the shop, you've got your heart set on having a warm cup of cinnamon tea.

You settle at a table, place your order, grab a book from your bag, and wait. Before you can reach the second paragraph of your read, a shadow casts over your left side, forcing you to look up in confusion. It's too soon for your tea to be ready.

You're met with striking green eyes and plump lips that pronounce a bashful hi.

It's a strange coincidence. You wish you could say you've never seen him around here before, but you've never bothered to commit any face to memory if it's not necessary.

“Eren, hi.”

The tint on his cheeks you remember so well from two nights ago resurfaces. A nervous swallow pulls at your throat. You never did map out a plan — then again, you weren't expecting to see him again so soon.

“I wasn't sure if it was you. Are you here with someone?” he asks, taking a second to look around the shop.

You shake your head.

“No. Armin's busy so I came here alone,” you explain.

He nods, rocking his weight on his heels. A question seems to linger on the tip of his tongue as his gaze flits between you and the floor. It takes him a moment for him to find his voice, though. In spite of yourself, you have to admit it's actually a bit endearing. It's different. It's refreshing.

“Is it okay if I sit with you?” His eyes are overflowing with hope.

You nod. He sits. The book in your hands is put away.

For a while last night, you debated the validity of your theory. Maybe Eren wasn't interested in you in the way you thought. After all, it was your first time meeting and he might’ve been nervous. You know enough about the way you present yourself to acknowledge you're not the most approachable person. Maybe all he needs is time to get used to you.

“Do you want to order something?” You ask, prepared to wave over a server. He stops you with a dismissive hand.

“It's okay, I already had some tea.”

Your eyebrows rise in surprise.

“Not a coffee guy?”

He shakes his head, sputtering a nervous chuckle.

“Not really. I don't like bitter things.” His nose scrunches as if he can savor it on his tongue.

A server brings over your tea along with a small tray of additives. You thank them before returning to Eren's statement.

“You can always add sugar,” you point out with a shrug.

He shakes his head again. This time you're relieved to find a playful smile dancing on his lips.

“Nothing can beat tea with honey.”

Your hand pauses mid-air on its way to pick up the wooden wand half lost in a jar of golden syrup.

You hum in thought as you reach for the sugar spoon instead.

“Really?”

“Yeah. That's how my mom made it for me when I was little. I'd get a stomachache or a cold and it was the first thing she'd make for me. I feel like a kid each time I drink it. It makes me think of her.”

The corners of his lips tug into a smile. You find yourself mirroring his expression as you look down at your hand stirring the sugar into your tea.

“Your mom sounds nice,” you murmur.

“Oh, she's the best. I love her.”

Eren's shoulders relax. He feels at ease talking about his mom. He feels even better knowing he's successfully carrying out a casual conversation with you. In the light of day, everything is less scary. There's less to worry about. That carefree feeling blankets over everything. Suddenly, the motive he walked into this coffee shop for seems doable.

Then a sinking feeling comes over his stomach.

“Sorry.” The word bounces off his tongue without thinking.

“What for?”

He doesn't want to say it, but he hopes his apologetic gaze is enough to convey an explanation.

Your eyebrows shoot up in realization at his hesitance. Then they furrow as you press your lips into a fine line and shake your head dismissively.

“Oh, that.”

The recall of Saturday night when you drunkenly talked about your mom causes your cheeks to flare with heat.

Guilt settles in Eren's stomach. He didn't mean to bring up his mom. He also didn't mean to be so quick to apologize. It just made things worse now that you know he's tiptoeing around you. That's probably the last thing you want — to feel purposely pitied.

Flustered, he rummages through his brain for a solution — a way to get back on the track he was on.

You fix your gaze on him. It's obvious he feels troubled. It's a foreign experience having someone worry so much about if they've caused you any harm. You're unsure of what feelings to associate with it other than guilt. He's not at fault for your crappy family life.

“So you and your mom are close?” you ask.

The crease in his forehead smoothes over.

When he shyly reconnects with your gaze, your eyebrows raise ever so slightly in encouragement. The movement is so subtle it's hard not to miss — but not for Eren, who takes in every detail of your face with so much care. For Eren, the small shifts in your features are so interesting to look at. You express so much with so little. And yet there were times when you would accentuate your expressions as much as you could. What you held back vocally was compensated tenfold through your face. It's fascinating to him.

“Yeah.”

His voice is soft — a trace of his withering embarrassment.

“She's my best friend,” he adds with a little more confidence.

You take a sip of tea. The drink warms your stomach, mirroring that of your chest elicited by Eren's words. The fondness in his voice taints him with a childlike innocence.

Eren Jaeger isn't worried about looking cool. He's honest and clumsy. It's charming.

A light shake of your head keeps your thoughts from drifting further.

“So not a coffee guy but a mama's boy, for sure. Got it.” You nod along with an overly serious expression painted on your face.

He laughs, the sinking feeling in his stomach now dissolving into nothing. Had he not been on the receiving end of your bluntly spoken teasing the other night, he might not have laughed so easily.

A blush spreads across his cheeks.

“Come on, don't tease me,” he mumbles.

You bite your lip to keep yourself from smiling. Eren falls back into his previously relaxed state.

The conversation continues to flow in between every sip of your tea.

“Do you come here often?” you ask as you prepare to take another sip.

Your eyes are locked on his. He struggles with the intense eye contact. At least, it's intense on his end.

“Not really. Armin mentioned it to me so I thought I'd try it out.”

The pads of his fingers drum a nervous beat on the table.

You nod, relieved. You'd feel silly if it had turned out he was a frequent customer and your disregard of the people surrounding you kept you from noticing him. It would've piled onto your embarrassment from the Kuchel incident.

“Ah, so are you on your lunch break, too? Do you work around here?”

“Um, kind of. I do media production and marketing for a museum, but I do a lot of hours at home. My place is just a few minutes by car.”

“That's so cool.”

The amazement in your voice in addition to its sudden turn up in volume is enough to make him blush.

“It's nothing special. I'm definitely not raking in the big bucks like Jean.”

“Still, it's cool. It's a lot more interesting than being an office manager.”

Your eyebrows scrunch together with newborn disdain for your job before you finish the remainder of your tea.

“Well, I can't argue there,” he says, imitating the sliver of bitterness in your voice.

You gasp in mock hurt.

“Hey, only I can say it.” Your tone is serious, but he knows you're joking. He can tell by the twinkle of amusement in your eyes.

He laughs.

“How long until you have to get back to work?”

You peek at the clock on the wall across the room.

“I still have some time. It's a short walk back, anyway.”

Despite your wording, your answer triggers his nervous antics. You're bound to part ways eventually and he swore to himself he would get the words out. He runs a hand through his hair to distract himself from the anxious flutter in his stomach.

It's no big deal, he thinks. She's just a girl.

He regrets not ordering something else when you asked him. It would give his hands something to do. Then again, he can't keep them from shaking as he gathers the courage to pronounce his next thought. So it's better he doesn't have any breakables in his hold.

He pronounces your name carefully. His heart skips a beat when your eyes meet his. It's strange to think that you hold so much power over him within just a couple of days since meeting. He wants to get closer — he needs to. Again, that feeling of wanting this moment with you to stretch farther squeezes at his chest.

“Do you want to hang out sometime? Just the two of us?”

He can feel himself growing numb to his surroundings as he awaits your response. It's similar to the feeling he gets after stepping foot off a rollercoaster. The adrenaline is pumping furiously through his veins while his mind goes blank. It's a weird moment of chaos and bliss all at once.

You clear your throat.

“So… a date?”

He swallows thickly and nods.

He watches you contemplate his proposal. Your lips are pressed in a fine line, your gaze low and brow furrowed.

It's too much to hope you're equally attracted to him — he's aware. But he hopes you like his company just enough to say yes. Or at the very least, you're curious to know more.

Your mind is in conflict. This is more than you've bargained for. All you wanted was to get along with Armin's friends.

“I'm sorry, Eren. No.”

He instantly deflates to your firm tone.

“It's nothing personal,” you explain. “You're a really nice guy. Really. But I'm not interested in dating… at all.” You sigh, dreading the pending words on your tongue. “And I don't really see you that way. I just want to be friends.”

He remains quiet, chewing on the inside of his cheeks as he processes your words.

The situation is uncomfortable for you, but his defeated form weighs heavier on your heart. He looks so small. It's definitely worse for him.

“Eren?”

Your voice grounds him.

“Sorry, I really spaced out there,” he nervously laughs. “Friends, though. Yeah, friends is good. Friends is perfect, actually.”

The word leaves a bitter taste on his tongue each time. He can pat himself on the back for shooting his shot later but, for now, his senses have been blurred by the disappointment of being turned down.

“I really like talking to you, Eren. Really.”

Your attempt to lighten the defeat on his shoulders works — a little. It's a relief you're not entirely opposed to having him around, at least. Eren finds comfort in that. Maybe it'll suffice while he fights away at his attraction.

“I like talking to you, too.” His voice carries a tint of helplessness.

Your eyes soften.

“I should get going.”

You pull out a fresh bill from your purse and place it under the empty teacup before standing.

He stands with you and holds the door open. It's not until you're both out on the sidewalk, bidding each other goodbye, that he forces a smile.

“I'll see you around.”

“Bye, Eren.”

“Sorry I couldn't make it to lunch,” Armin says. He leans against the edge of your desk with his hands in his pockets.

It's been an hour since you got back, and you've been typing away, replying to emails.

You shrug, tossing a small reassuring smile his way before focusing back on your computer screen.

“It's fine. I wasn't alone this time.”

He perks up.

“Really?”

You hum in affirmation.

“I went out for tea and bumped into your friend Eren.”

Armin's jaw falls open.

“Huh. Well, what do you know? That's a crazy coincidence.”

There's something suspicious about Armin's theatrical tone, but you're too engrossed in going over your email for typos to notice. You only manage to murmur a simple uh-huh.

“What'd you talk about?”

You send off your email with a satisfied click and look up at Armin as you lean back in your chair.

“Just this and that,” you reply nonchalantly.

His lips press into a dissatisfied line.

“Well, what do you think of him?” His eyes light up expectantly.

“He's…” You lose yourself in thought for a moment. Images of blushing cheeks, boyish smiles, and shimmering green eyes flash through your memory. You remember the honey and his simple confessions. “... like a little kid.”

Armin's face bears a mix of confusion and amusement.

“What do you mean by that?”

A soft pensive hum vibrates through your throat.

“Dorky,” you reply firmly.

Armin snorts, readying himself to come to Eren's defense, but you continue.

“He's… honest, like a little kid would be. And he's a little clumsy with his words but it's… Kind of endearing. He's a sweet guy.”

Armin nods along, his face serious. Finally, he smiles.

“Sounds like you had a nice talk, then.”

Date proposal aside, your moment with Eren was enjoyable. Even taking your rejection into account, you didn't sense any resentment directed at you and that just further proved your pure perception of him.

It's not the first time you've been asked out. It's certainly not the first time you've said no — that's always been your response, albeit for different reasons. A few guys in the office have tried getting closer to you but, even if you were open to dating, you can always tell it's nothing genuine from their approach. Their overly kind performance just makes it easier for you to decline. Once that's been done, their creepy narcissistic truths come to light — you're stoned with sexist slurs and disgusted looks. It'd hurt more if you were still the kind of person who craves approval from the wrong people.

There's a clear difference between them and Eren. So even though you rejected him, you still wish to be close as friends. He's a nice person to know.

“I did,” you tell Armin.

There's a shimmer in your eyes he manages to catch. Your features are soft and serene as you prop your chin on one hand while you mindlessly scroll through your emails with the other. Your lips are shaped into a discreet smile. Like a kid.

On his way back to his cubicle on the opposite end of the floor, Armin hums a cheerful tune to himself. There's a proud bounce in every step he takes.

“Armin, check your phone. It was buzzing like crazy a few minutes ago,” a female coworker says in passing before grabbing a manila folder from her desk and rushing off to a meeting room across the hall.

“Thanks, Mina!” he calls after her.

Armin taps the missed call notification on his screen and brings the phone to his ear, grinning expectantly.

“You suck,” Eren's voice comes through the speaker after the first ring.

“Woah, woah, woah. What did I do?” Armin laughs as he steps out onto the empty smoker's balcony.

There’s a groan on the other end.

“What do you think? I crashed and burned.”

Armin’s face contorts in confusion. From what he could gather on your end, the coffee shop incident went well. You were smiling, and although the things you said about Eren didn’t seem like it, you meant them fondly — Armin knew you well enough to confidently confirm that. At the very least, it meant you weren’t completely repulsed by his company. Even if there are different sides to every story, the discrepancies shouldn’t be anything major.

“What are you talking about?” Armin sighs.

Another groan on Eren’s end. If Armin wasn’t so patient, he would’ve hung up.

He really is like a little kid, he thinks.

“I asked her out and she said no.”

Armin’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. How could you keep that part out of the conversation you had earlier?

His shock doesn’t stem from your rejection, but rather because of Eren’s unexpected bravery. Although Eren was tough on the playground when they were kids, he grew up to be a fairly meek guy. When it comes to a girl he likes, he’s never been the bold type. Armin found it a bit strange at times. Eren’s had a track record of being popular among women, so his confidence should be over the roof and his personality, unbearable. But if he’s honest, it’s a good thing he doesn’t pay much attention to those things. It’s easier to root for a friend who only acts on more honest feelings. Even if that confidence didn’t stick with him.

“This is all your fault, Armin. So much for having my back.”

Even through the phone, Armin can tell his best friend is pouting. He has to hold back from rolling his eyes — it feels deceitful to do it behind his back when he has to play the role of a sympathetic friend right now.

He rubs at his nape, unsure of whether he should feel proud of Eren for making a move or apologetic for not contemplating what seemed like a far-fetched risk.

“To be fair, buddy, I didn’t send you over there to ask her out. I just thought you would like the chance to talk to her and get to know her a little better.”

“You couldn’t tell me that before? I don’t think I can ever face her again!” Eren half-yells.

Of course, Eren chooses to focus on the negatives. Armin cherry-picks the situations he meddles in. Even if it’ll serve as a confident boost to reveal to Eren what you said about him and how you said it, it could do him some good to bounce back on his own — and learn to pace himself.

“First off, you have to relax an—”

“I can’t.” Eren’s voice is reduced to an embarrassed murmur. “She makes me nervous. I can’t help myself.”

There’s a long moment of silence.

It’s been obvious from the start that Eren is attracted to you, but the near confession pulls at Armin’s heartstrings. It’s times like this when he’s reminded how cute Eren can be.

“That bad, huh?” Armin smiles down at the people walking on the street.

“Don’t get me wrong. I’m not in love with her or anything but…”

There's a long pause on Eren's side, only disturbed by some light rustling as he moves his phone around.

“... I like looking at her… and I like hearing her talk. Do you ever notice how soft her voice is? There’s just something about it… There’s this thing with her eyes, too, it’s crazy.”

“Well, as long as you’re not falling in love with her.”

Eren releases a third groan.

“Armin, please. I just want to get closer to her. And I don’t want to make myself look like an idiot each time we’re alone. I wish there was something I could do to make her like me.”

“I don’t think she dislikes you if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“She said she doesn’t see me that way. She just wants to be friends.”

Eren’s desolation is seeping through the phone now.

“Maybe I jumped the gun by asking her out so quickly.”

When Armin suggested Eren find you at the coffee shop during your lunch break, he figured it would help him get used to you. So that when the time came, he could ask you out without being more anxious than he needed to be. Had everything gone accordingly, Eren wouldn’t be moping now and wondering what would have happened — if anything was meant to happen — if he had just given you a little more time.

“Maybe,” Armin echoes.

“Do you think I blew it?”

Armin shakes his head even though there’s no way for Eren to tell.

“I think you just got a little excited. You never know how she might feel later on.”

“I don’t want to make her uncomfortable. I hardly think she’ll like me any better if I act like those guys who can’t take no for an answer. I should just try being her friend.”

Armin wants to beg him not to feel discouraged — that there’s a reason why he was so excited to introduce you to each other, and why he teased him at the housewarming party after he caught him blushing while doing the dishes with you.

It didn’t start that way but, the more he got to know you, the more he thought you and Eren would be good together.

Soft-spoken girl who keeps to herself meets the most dependable and kind-hearted boy.

Armin would be lying if he said he wasn’t swayed by the promised satisfaction of playing matchmaker in the fantasy playing out in his head. Not that he felt you absolutely needed to get together. But he could feel it in his gut. You and Eren could do each other a lot of good. He already knew Eren would feel a pull upon meeting you and, if there’s anything he gathered from both sides of the coffee shop incident, it’s that you like Eren enough to let him stick around. It was a good call on your end, though he may be biased.

If you happen to fall in love along the way, then so be it.

“You’re a good guy, Eren. Everything will turn out fine.”

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#snk fanfiction #aot fanfiction #eren yeager x reader #eren jaeger x reader #aot x reader #aot x y/n #snk x reader #snk imagines #eren x reader #eren jaeger x y/n #eren jaeger fanfiction

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theothersecret · 10 months

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I need to say this so bad guys have you seen Nimona? Balister. Balister guys. I’m about to spoil the movie so spoiler warning for Nimona, this is also and primarily about Kaladin Stormblessed btw

First of all Jessie Gender made a review of this movie and the new Spiderverse movie and she described what I’m about to attempt to way better than I ever could so here’s the link to her explanation.

But basically watching Nimona gave me so many feelings and also a great example of what frustrates me about Kaladin’s character, so here I go again-

What frustrates me the most about how Kaladin is treated in canon is that we see how much Alethkar has failed him, and every darkeyed person, and every Parshman, and yet Kaladin’s badassery arch is supposed to be how he proves himself as a Knight Radiant. This system that’s failed him continues to do so throughout the whole series, getting better at times in portrayal, but that’s the way Alethkar has functioned for so long. We’re meant to see that not all lighteyes but to be perfectly honest it frustrates me that the people still making the big decisions in this series are the people the system brings into power, not Kaladin, not the other “underdog” types. He still works under them and constantly deals with the ways Alethkar’s rules about eye color have shaped all of the people he interacts with. Like Jessie says, nobody’s made to change for Kaladin. He has to change for them.

And even worse is that the other huge conflict Kaladin faces is his internal struggle with mental health and his relationship to himself. Kaladin’s perspective of his worth and what he deserves is royally fucked because of the trauma he’s gone through and the ways he’s dealt with it. Kaladin does not believe that he’s a good guy who deserves to be happy and deserves respect. He’s a depressed lower class darkeyed soldier, previously enslaved, that saw his brother die in war, something that is part of Alethkar’s very foundation and core values, something that is undeniably out of his control and built so deeply into the system, and yet Kaladin feels like he failed his brother. He assigned himself the guilt and responsibility for what happened because he was in the battle, not realizing that the anger he holds toward the men in charge is completely called for. Not realizing that he was a teenage child soldier who literally could not have done shit to control anything about that event.

All of this build up for his character could have been so well executed—and that’s such a fucking shame. The stormlight archive is far from finished, but is Sanderson going to actually give Kaladin the arch that he, and the people who go through things synonymous with his struggles, deserves to see?

Going to my actual point bringing Nimona into this, Balister is a great example of what I wish to see be done with Kaladin. It’s a completely different scale of a story, but what I love about him is that he comes to realize that he was never going to be what he was promised he could be as a knight. He was recruited as a diversity hire and trained as a show of good faith towards “inclusion,” not justice. Not change. He realizes that the system he serves isn’t what he cares about, but instead what he cares about is the way the person he loves sees him. His focus shifts from earning his respect through serving a system that was never made for him, to opening his eyes to the pain he and others like him have had to endure, and sharing that pain whole heartedly to make a change.

If I could wish anything for Kaladin, it’s that he’s shown some damn respect. I want somebody to walk in on him getting frustrated with Dalinar, with Adolin or Shallan, and say, “What you’re thinking is right. You do not have to accept this.”

Because Kaladin’s struggles are so real, and Sanderson somehow managed to convey that, it’s so entirely possible to tie his arch together with those beliefs he has about himself and Alethkar being brought into the spotlight and reevaluated. I feel like Sanderson will probably (hopefully) do this with Kaladin’s struggles with guilt and shame, his pattern of assigning himself the blame for things outside of his control, and the aspects of his turmoil that are internal.

But my fear is that the same won’t happen for what’s happening outside of Kaladin. And this is where my opinions come into play, because I do not believe that a few good guys are going to enact the systematic change that needs to happen for like, half of Alethkar and probably beyond. I don’t think Kaladin can swear an oath to protect those who can’t protect themselves, and then sit back and aid the people who did this to them try to figure out how to not be bad. No, I think he should give those powerless people that power to protect themselves. I think the very best thing Sanderson could do with Kaladin as a character is to have him realize that he can’t save everyone, but he could fight for them to have a chance of defending themselves. That he’s been looking in the wrong places for what he needs. I would love love love to see him reprocess his memories, his internal beliefs about himself, and while he heals those long-ago formed wounds, come to reprocess alongside the lies he believed about himself, the lies he’s believed about how to save the world, and his place in it. I want his self love to be intrinsically tied to this. Imagine how fucking fantastic of an arch that would be for him.

#cosmere #stormlight archive #the stormlight archive #kaladin #kaladin stormblessed #sanderson critical #i guess #balister boldheart

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snailsgoingdowntown · 10 months

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Blade x fem! Reader

Part 6 of writing for blade until he comes home

Warnings: mention of blood, implied murder, suggestive, toxic relationships (both familial and romantic) (I swear it gets ‘better’ later on, Blade is just a bitch), reader indecisive as fuck. Probably slight yandere, idek anymore, I’m tired.

Minors/blank blogs dni

Blog contains/creates/interacts with dark content. Dni if uncomfortable.

Written from 9pm to 1am with no break, constantly changing it, I’m sorry if it’s all over the place, tone never the same, and doesn’t make sense.

In which you wanted to try your luck with Blade

Sometimes, you’re scared by how much you’re attracted to him.

He’s easy on the eyes, fair skin tagged along with raven black hair, tips fading to red, and red eyes with specks of gold. He’s toned and built, easily able to lift a sword like nothing. Often times you find yourself staring at him, his side profiles more interesting than your blind date in front of him. He always sat behind them, blending in with the crowd, disguise casual but… suspicious.

And often times, you find yourself wondering how soft his lips are. If his hair is as silky as it looks, or body as firm. How scarred his body is, how his hands felt under those bandages and gloves. If he smelt of slight musk or something more ‘elegant.’ If he was capable of being gentle despite the stoic expression he bears.

His interests and disinterests, likes and dislikes, hobbies, fears, what makes him smile –

Your daydreams end before you allow them to begin. He’s shown little interest in you as a person alone – a romantic view of you would be ridiculous. And while you’re an avid reader of romance novels, you’re lucid enough to realize that most of them would happen in real life.

Especially with him, when he’s known for his violence. You’re not sure what else he does, but from nights when returns with bloodied clothing, you can only guess. Maybe you do have bad taste in men.

The expectations would only let you down, and besides, you think he would be a better fit with that coworker of his. She’s lovely, dreamy eyes and soft painted lips, purple hair that’s always stylish along with her clothes – she doesn’t have to try to be elegant. She already is.

Unlike you, who’s still unused to upper-class life, your brother took you in a few years ago. Prior to that, you had lived with your roommate in a dingy little apartment in the shady part of time – your family did not come from money. And yet, somehow, your brother managed to earn enough within a few years.

You push the thoughts of how away.

So here you are now, barely listening to your date – Adam – choosing to look at the attractive man behind him. Your companion sat behind a table, close enough to keep an eye on you and listen in. In the beginning, it annoyed you, being watched like a dog. But now… it gives you an opportunity to look at him. Even when your entire body tells you to look away, you don’t.

It made you feel like a creep, so usually you would zone back into the conversation, scolding yourself mentally. Your companion would not appreciate being stared at like arm candy.

But today… was different.

Today your blind date was interesting, more so than the others. He listened to you, smiled, tone polite, clothes fixed, and hair styled.

He was everything your ‘crush’ was not.

“- and therefore, the theory of – “

You keep zoning out. You listen enough to know what the conversation is, engage whenever needed, kept your shoulders straight. Everything you should do, taught through many stressful nights. “Hm, I see. But have you considered – “

Your eyes trail back to him. Black beanie and trench coat, mask pulled up and shades covering his eyes, they do little to hide his looks. Hell, the ‘mysterious’ factor brings even more attention, girls glancing at him and giggling. But that aura he gives off keeps them at arm’s length. You’re almost grateful for it.

“Oh, that reminds me, are there any books you want? I mean, there’s a bookstore across the street…,” you almost giggle at how cute your date is. It reminds you of when you took care of your brother when he was younger.

“Ah… I’m not sure, but it wouldn’t hurt to check it out.”

When he grins so brilliantly, your gut twists in guilt. You wish you could consider him as a potential boyfriend. But instead, the brooding man on his phone behind him already took that place.

‘Theory of Evolution’ was the book Adam presented to you. You took it from his hands, if only to calm the poor boy down, his nervous smile relaxing. You also suggested one for him, and he took it, not bothering to read the title. That was fine. This was out of curtsey.

However, what you were not fine with was your companion stalking you through the rows of bookshelves. From the corner of your eye, you would see him pick one up multiple times, flip through the pages, and either nod his head or scoff. He would then put it back, straightening the entire roll if it were not to his liking. It was cute the first few times.

Until he kept at it for twenty-minutes straight. It was like he couldn’t make his mind up. He would follow behind after a few minutes once you went to a different area. At first, you thought he did so to not attract attention – until you circled around the roll he was in, his face still buried in a book.

You waved, whisper-yelled, flipped him off once – no reaction. Not even a huff. How endearing. It would such a shame if you didn’t use this golden opportunity to finally try something you’ve been meaning to, slipping away like a ghost.

Despite your… ‘crush’ on him, you have always wanted to see if you could manage to disappear from his sight. You’ve tried a few times, only to be immediately caught not even a minute in. He was like a bloodhound.

But…

You have a better chance right now. Why waste it? Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back.

And, admittedly, the childish and romantic part in you wanted to see what his reaction would be. Pissed that you made his job harder? Jealous or worried you’re with another man alone? Or annoyed that you interrupted his reading time for a game of cat and mouse?

You grab Adam by the shoulder. “Hey, how about we go to a different spot? I saw some food vendors, and even a toy shop. Just to check things out, ya know? We’re both new to the area, right?”

He’s hesitant, at first. “Ah… are you sure? I mean… the toy shop is childish, and we already ate – “

“Please? I’m barely allowed to leave the house alone. I just want to explore.” You give him your best puppy-dog eyes, and he gives him after you whisper one more ‘please.’

“Alright… just make sure to stick close to me.” He offers his arm like a true gentleman, cheeks and ears flushed. Your gut twists in guilt again, but you still take the offer, wrapping your hands around it. “I’m not… used to escorting young women. Not even family members.”

Ah. This works for you.

He’s drawing a line while indirectly telling you he’s not romantically interested.

Good, you weren’t either.

Looking over your shoulder, your companion’s figure gets smaller and smaller the further you walk. He doesn’t react, not even looking in your direction. He flips the page.

Turning your head to the front, you feel all giggly inside. Even if your crush is unrequited, or if he doesn’t care about your well-being at all, it feels nice to slip under his thumb. Just once.

And besides, what’s he going to do? Kill you?

The toy shop is your first stop. Dolls, miniature trains, kites – name it and they’ll probably have it. The highest quality, everything from the actual toys themselves to the shelves polished. Your fingers glide across some of them, not even a speck of dust clinging to the flesh.

“Everything is so detailed…,” your date mumbles, clearly invested in the toys. Eyeballs painted so realistically it scares you, none of the paint chipped, the fur as soft as the real thing – stuffed animals that either look too realistic or the damn cutest thing ever. You might buy one.

“Yes… I’m not too surprised, considering this is one of the highest rating shops in town,” you pick up a stuffed wolf, raven black in color with red eyes. It reminds you of a certain someone, and you almost give into the urge to hug it. You quickly place it back, making sure not a piece of fur out of place.

“Hey… I have a question,” Adam turns around with a worried expression. “That guy at the café… and the bookstore… do you think he’ll show up here to?”

… you’ll make it a point to tell said man to be more careful from now on.

“What man?” titling your head, eyes round and big, you question him. Look as clueless as possible, as innocent. He’s going to get the wrong idea otherwise – or maybe even drag him along if he were to find out the truth. It would ruin the fun, the small independence you currently have – as said before, just a moment of being able to slip away was ideal, wanted. It made you feel like your actions were not constantly being reported.

“The one in the… strange outfit. Black coat? Beanie? And the sunglasses… it just makes him stand out more…” Adam runs a hand through his hair, either annoyed or stressed. Or perhaps both.

“That’s… casual fashion though, is it not?” You’re happy that someone finally agrees with your take on it. It makes him look handsome, yes, but it brought more attention than needed. The only thing keeping people at bay was that brooding aroura of his.

“I… suppose it is, but in the bookstore… he always showed up in the same roll as us. We couldn’t go to a different section without him showing up a few minutes later.”

That fucking bastard… ah, what does it matter?

“Maybe he just has the same tastes as us?”

“Maybe…”

Thirty minutes in and he still hasn’t shown up. Either he’s watching from the shadows or just leaving you to your own devices as he stays behind. The latter wouldn’t make sense, your brother blowing a fuse the first time it happened. But the former is also off the table because he would show himself in some manner, be it by ‘accidentally’ bumping into you, or getting in your direct area of sight.

Neither has happened.

It’s also the third time you hopped around, entering a clothing store this time. It was… decent, compared to the rest. Unusual for you ever since your brother demanded that you dressed better – a notion that gives you a headache. Even so, the quality was still good, just not as flashy or daring as the other clothing stores.

“Do you plan on buying something? Or just looking around?” Adam eyes a jacket, waiting for your answer.

An idea hits you.

One of your friends had asked you for a favor not so long ago… her family stricter than yours despite being in her mid-twenties – rich parents have a hard time letting go. And besides, you know her measurements (something you both shared on a drunken night, giggling like mad women). And besides, her birthday is around the corner… she’s also bragged about her… ‘activates’ with her boyfriend…

Fuck it.

“Yes, actually. But I’m getting it with my own money.”

A sheer babydoll would probably fit her. Pastel oink, maybe? God, this already feels awkward, but a favor is a favor –

“Are you sure?” His attention is back on you, and thankfully he’s not insistent on buying it for you. Maybe it’s because it’s a clothing store, and with clothing stores comes… spice. Not for him nor you.

“It’s a gift.”

“Ah, alright.”

You both go to different sections, and once you get to the women’s section, you’re met with dresses that have slits, coats with puffy sleeves (winter is coming), and much more. You walk deeper in, until you finally reach your destination – the underwear section.

You look at the different options, from a lacy panty and bra set to garter belts attached to underwear. When you finally find the set, you were looking for, you head to the register.

An hour and fifteen minutes.

That’s how long it took for your companion to find you, roughly grabbing you by the arm the moment you leave the store, getting some fresh air and bag in hand.

You bite back the whine of pain from his grip. You just hope it’s not going to bruise. Keeping your mouth shut would be the best choice right now, especially when you notice how tense his body is – fuck, you won’t be surprised if you end up dead tonight.

Either by him or your brother.

“…”

No words were exchanged as he drags you to an empty alleyway, his phone buzzing away in his pocket. It’s probably your brother. You’re definitely dead.

“Where were you?” He doesn’t release your arm, simply turning to face you the moment you step into darkness. His grip doesn’t loosen either, and once more, you’re reminded of why you shouldn’t be interested in him. If looks could kill, you’d be six feet under right now.

“On a date,” you should really watch your tone right now. His shades and mask may hide his expression, but you feel the bloodlust. “Getting to know him, the usual stuff.” You’re shaking in your knees. What are you trying to accomplish here? You already got a reaction out of him – he’s pissed, furious even, most likely thinking of ways to murder you in your sleep. Your mouth seems to disagree.

“The stuff my brother told me to do – “

“He didn’t tell you to sneak away with him. He told you to stay within my sight.” His fingers dig further into your arm. “I’m going to ask again; where were you?” There’s an edge to his voice. Its anger mixed with something else. It’s a really bad time to get your hopes up right now. Make up your mind – are you scared or hopeful?

“First, let go. If he saw us like this, he’ll think I’m a cheating girlfriend or something like that.” He lingers a bit longer before letting go. While you would have welcomed his touch in literally almost any setting, you want your arm unbruised. Sometimes it feels like he wants to hurt you.

“We went to a toy shop across the street, then a street food vendor, and finally, this clothing store. The one you almost broke my arm at.”

“I didn’t ‘almost’ break your arm – “

“I think you’re forgetting just exactly how weak I am compared to you.” You want the ground to swallow you whole. His phone buzzes again, and with a pointed look at you, he answers it. He says some stuff, the usual ‘Yes everything is fine,’ and ‘Alright, I’ll make sure she won’t leave the house for a while.’

Wait.

What?

By the time you reached for his phone, it was already ended. He lets you have it, scoffing when you get the password wrong. You resist the urge to lock him out of it. “… I’m twenty-five.”

“Yes, what about it?”

“And I’m being treated like a child. I didn’t ask for this – “

“You were the one who took his hand. And you also were the one who decided to run off… what’s in the bag?” He tilts his head, gesturing to it. A pink paper bag, the loops made of silk. Oh right. The underwear.

“Underwear. A babydoll set, if you really want to know, tell my brother that if you want to.” You shove it into his arms, any and all fun gone for the day. You should apologize and say goodbye to Adam before you’re dragged away. You turn on your heel, groaning when he asks:

“Were you going to fuck him?”

“No.”

You hear the bag rustle as he pulls it out. “It’s see through, and expensive… if it wasn’t for him, then who?” You don’t answer, walking ahead. You just hope he doesn’t follow you into the store. Otherwise, you’re going to be one killing him.

“No-one. And besides, if I was planning on sleeping with someone, it wouldn’t involve you. As a matter of fact, I feel sorry for you – to think, no-one would show a little bit of skin for you… how sad.” Was it out of spite? Frustration? Eagerness to see his reaction?

You give up on yourself. Whatever is said, is said.

“Like you’re don’t,” you’re not sure of when he got so close, or how his hand encloses itself around your neck, palm pressing against it. His breath hits your ear. “I see the way you look at me.”

“… Do you have nothing better to do with your time? Like, I don’t know, fucking off?” you don’t make a move to push him off, and he doesn’t move away. But his grip is light, extremely so that you could easily get out of it with just a twist of your hand.

You’re usually passive. You don’t get an attitude with him, if anything, you usually tend to be nice to him. Smiles and forced laughs and genuine giggles – but the fact you’re grounded like a child… no.

Maybe it’s because he finally hurt you.

“There’s a hotel nearby if you’re so desperate to wear this thing,” he bounces the bag midair. Where the fuck was this coming from? There’s never been any sexual tension, nor has he expressed or shown any interest in you. And after you just had an argument? On your date?

“I thought you said you don’t date.”

“I don’t,” a single kiss to your nape, “and neither do you.”

Sometimes, you’re scared of how much you’re attracted you are to him.

#hsr blade #hsr x reader #hsr #honkai star rail blade #honkai star rail #yandere hsr #yandere blade #yandere blade x reader #blade x reader

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ae-azile · 3 months

Note

In your latest Progression chapter I loved how Namphueng did the cake announcing her sexual identity. It was such great idea and now I wonder what other characters would make as the same cake? What are others sexualities/sexual identities? Do they identify somehow other than gay? Kinn and Chay are gays but what about others? Is Porsche bi or pan? What about Tankhun and Arm? Also Kim expressed somehow being genderfluid and he is definitely demisexual or grey asexual. I think it would be extremely interesting for all of them to have some kind of discussion like that.

Namphueng loved her cake too LOL. She was very proud of it. I spent a while thinking of how the cake would look. While I couldn't find a cake that described what I wanted her to do, I did look up some reference pics for inspiration. Here are several that kind of fit some aspects of the style!

If you mix the aspects of these cakes all together, you sort of get what Namphueng accomplished. Girl worked HARD. It was so important to her because:

1. She remembers her first love, or at least bits and pieces. She remembers loving her deeply. I think creating a cake so elaborate and more suited for a small wedding was her way of committing to her true self, along with finding the woman she loved and clearly still loves.

2. She may have struggled with being her true self or being open about her relationship first time around. She isn't doing it anymore because every bit of her autonomy and happiness was kept from her.

So, yes! In Progression, Namphueng very much identifies as a lesbian. As for the other characters, some are probably up for interpretation, but I guess this is how I view them (at least for this fic).

Kim: I also see him as demisexual or sex positive ace. I think he is enjoying sex with Chay. A LOT. But he can only come to enjoy sex if he is in love with and feels comfortable with the person he is sleeping with. Since he struggles with being so guarded, Chay is his first. I think his romantic orientation is likely panromantic, but his trauma and seeing so many people in his family get hurt/killed likely made him push the idea of romance away for a long time.

As for the potential for him being gender fluid, I don't think it is something he feels like he needs to find a label for, but wouldn't deny it if asked. I think he does certain things and presents himself in a way that feels right. He likely leans towards more masculine presentations, but likes light makeup on occasion, doesn't align with overt masculinity or societal expectations for men, etc. I think he also likes looking good for himself, and sometimes looking softer and slightly more feminine is something that appeals to him.

Overall, I believe he struggles with labels for multiple reasons. He doesn't like following traditional or strict expectations, nor is he great at communicating clearly (although he is getting a lot better). I think he also falls into this limbo in between labels, so he doesn't know what to make of it. He struggles with seeing himself as asexual (especially now) since he is having a very enjoyable sex life with Chay. He should probably should look into demisexual. I think it will be something that eventually comes up, even though he doesn't feel a NEED to find a label. However, an explanation and a sense of knowing he isn't the only one may help. 🙂

Porsche: I think he is probably pan, but could also be bi. Episode 8 showed him express minor anxiety over dating a guy, although I don't know if it was the emotional or physical aspect that worried him more. Regardless, I tend to categorize him a little more as pan since that tends to take a meaning of "experiences sexual attraction regardless of gender". However, I also see him as demiromantic.

Khun: Despite his and Kim's personalities being extremely different, I also see him as demisexual, panromantic. Part of his demisexuality likely stems from immense trauma since he needs to be with someone who understands him and he's comfortable with, but I don't think the gender of that person matters. In fics, I often mention him having a girlfriend prior to his kidnapping. I believe I did in this fic too. Now, he's very much in love with Arm. And like Kim, he also might be gender fluid, but doesn't over think it and just does what feels right.

Arm: He's a hard one, but he could be demisexual too, and he may lean towards homoromantic. That isn't to say he doesn't like to be seductive though. He takes his shirt off when drunk for a reason. However, I do think he was repressing a lot of desires until he became more comfortable with Khun. So yeah, maybe demisexual/homoromantic.

Pol: He says he's straight! But I also think he is a guy who needs and deserves a lot of love. I don't see him hooking up with just any woman or being in a FWB situation. He is probably heteroromantic, but does find a lot of satisfaction in platonic love too.

Vegas: gay, but demiromantic.

Pete: demisexual, biromantic

Macau: He's saying he's straight in this fic, but I don't see him sleeping around like his brother likely used to.

Kinn and Chay : gay and gay

Milan's sexual and romantic orientation will also become more clear in flashbacks as well.

Thank you for the ask! 🩵

#kimchay fic #kimchay fanfic #progression spoilers #progression ask #armkhun fic

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suguru-getos · 3 months

Note

Oh. INTRESTING. I just realised I should think about self ships more 😭 but okay here we go 😎

my self ship would be with Suguru. Definitely. Not the cult leader tho 😭 just a little rewind right there. You see the high school Suguru? Yeah cool. I only claim him.

>>> How would be better like when I'm off?

It'd definitely hurt him too with me. (because that's what I've seen with people around me, you know when that loud and bubbly one goes silent ?! Even though you know they'd be fine it's just so ouch. As if something's missing. Yeah, my personality is more or less like Satoru, he's ENTP I'm ENFP. which by the way, did you know? Fits INTJ in compatibility better hehe yeah I see him as a threat so what? 😤) and since his rationality is something I"d value, he'd have to do the tougher job of being my backbone rather than getting away with just sympathizing and giving me rational and "harsh truth" perspectives when I come to him with the problem that's bothering me. He knows if tries to be soft with me or bullshit me with sympathy I'd see it right away. So that.

>>> I HC our relationship to be such that it makes everyone jealous because he's definitely smiling and laughing around me more (not because he's smitten or sth, because I'm his personal clown ✨). That's what I am about most of the times. Hyped up over the smallest things. Hehe.

>>> Jealous. Huh. Interesting. I'm a women in stem, and you must know how the ratio is always so heavy on men"s side. So naturally I have a lot of them hitting on me at all the points of time. 😂

>>>And another thing is, I'm an extrovert socialising with people all the time so he might be annoyed on how to get my attention on him out of all the other people i hangout with (Again, not my words 😂😭) little does he know he has all of it since day 1. But that'd be only an issue before we get together, because he'd never know if I view him differently/romantically or not 😭 because "you're this energetic with everyone. How am I to know?"

>>> I and Satoru would definitely always be bickering over how he lets me get away with spam texting but not him. Hehe. Suguru's reasoning? "You're annoying, she's not *shrug*"

I say I don't think any self ships but then I go on full on spam mode (I hope you don't mind it, if you do please be honest about it and lmk like "I just asked for headcanons not a ONESHOT you idiot🔪) somehow wow😭 but yeah. That's how I see it, sunshine x grumpy (kind of?) Trope.

(Which made me think, neither of us actually like yapping about ourselves too much so we'd just be having hours and hours of discussions about different topics. The quality time discussion is a love language kinda couple. )

Now YOUR TURN. *hands over the pen*

lmfaoooo why not the cult leader sugu? he has such a dominant rizzly energy my self ship revolves around him and i’d bark like an animal for cult leader sugs 🙇🏻‍♀️🥹

-> also that’s so cute omg?? i am an intj/entj hybrid so i love myself enfps 🫵🏻 they bring such a lovely vibe around. (my irl best friend is an enfp) & i’d die for her. <33 suguru would love you so much, you’d be his breath of fresh air & when you go down, so does his existence. i hc him as super empathetic to people he cares about, so if you’re down, he’s rock bottom. :33 hello 👋 another stem major here’s your crown 👑 gorgeous ‼️ i’ve graduated in 2022 from stem so i know how the life’s like. 😉 suguru would be disgustingly jealous fr fr you attract everyone with your positivity.

-> suguru would definitely appreciate your bickering with satoru & blabbering. it would make him feel good that two of the people he loves the most are talking/being together 💋

grumpy x sunshine is my favorite troupe so this post made me intensely happy. 🪷🥰 also, that’s alright for the long post, only made fun of how people can see a character so similarly yet so differently!!

-> as of my own self ship headcanons, i’ll post them cus i’d yap more than you istg 😭 he’d love when i wear a saree tho ‼️🙇🏻‍♀️

#•share your selfship headcanons with me•#geto suguru #geto fluff #jjk #jjk fluff

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elisysd · 6 months

Text

34. Don’t get too close, it’s dark inside, it’s where my demons hide

Masterlist - Previously - Next

TW: depression / bullying / dark thoughts

Chapter soundtrack: Demons - Imagine Dragons

Coming out of Ethan��s flat she threw up. Her ears were ringing, her legs were barely carrying her and she felt sick in her stomach. She felt used, she felt stupid, she felt neglected, she felt naive. Things she thought she would never feel. She sat down on the floor, a few meters away from his building and let a mix of strangled cries escape her throat. She wanted to disappear. She pulled out her phone and called the first person that popped into her mind and who answered in the next minute.

“Julia?” Romy’s surprised voice could be heard from the other side of the line.

“I’m stupid, I was so stupid to trust him, Romy.” Julia cried.

“What? What is happening? Julia, where are you?”

“Ethan… he… we… fought. Again. It’s all we’ve been doing lately. And I don’t know how to communicate. We don’t know. We… We are only hurting each other. And it hurts so bad, Romy. This is not what I thought love would feel like. Why does it have to hurt like that?”

“Julia… you are worrying me. You don’t make any sense. Please, just breathe. Tell me everything from the start. Can you do that for me?”

And she did. She told her every single thing that happened. She told her about her fears and insecurities. She told her about what she felt and when it was finally over, Julia had no tears left to cry. She felt empty. Exhausted.

“I’m going to commit murder. I’m going to find him and tell him what a poor excuse of a man he is”

“I’m responsible too… I mean, I understand why he reacts that way… I’ve not always been the most reliable girl around him and..”

“You didn’t have to be! It was not as if you were in a real relationship at the time. He can’t hold it against you no matter how he might have felt. You felt a connection with Martin, you explored it. And I can’t blame you! He is a snack! But you made a choice, you chose him. Him not Martin! He can’t keep on doubting you or he is going to lose you. And I wouldn’t blame you for ditching him. He acts like an ass with you.”

“He doesn’t know how to deal with our situation and to be honest, I don’t know either.”

“But you want and you try to make it work, Julia. That’s the difference. And it’s telling.”

They kept on talking until Julia finally calmed down and breathed better. When they hung up, Julia had received several messages of her mom but also from Kat, something unusual. She opened them, curious and when she read that Ethan’s mom was asking her if she could go to her son after he found himself in the middle of a fight in a bar. Julia couldn’t believe what she was reading and her first instinct was to check the media and indeed, he was everywhere. She couldn’t hear what it was about but seeing pure rage on Ethan’s face, she knew it was not nothing. And finally, she recognised the group of men he was with and she felt anxiety rising in her throat again. Leroy. The guy that tormented her and made her feel like she was not worthy of being loved. Suddenly she remembered how Ethan was somehow friends with him and his group and she wanted to throw up again.

Every time she was hitting a new low and thought it couldn’t get worse, life managed to prove her wrong. Her legs still shaking a little, she got up and went back to his flat where she sat in front of his door, waiting for him. She felt stupid to still care about him and to make sure he was okay after how he treated her, but she couldn’t help it. She didn’t have to wait for long as his silhouette soon appeared, still visibly angry. When he noticed her, he stopped dead in his tracks. She was the last person he expected to see today.

“I thought you would have left.”

“I came back.” she replied.

“Why?”

“Because your mom texted me about you getting in trouble.”

He sighed, opening the door and entering the flat, closely followed by Julia. He went to the kitchen, to get a glass of water that he also served to her and sat next to her on one of the tools. He quickly checked his phone to see a few missed calls from Ashley and he didn’t dare to open the social media to know how bad it was. The media were going to have a field day with this story.

“What happened?” Julia asked softly.

“I met old acquaintances that are definitely not acquaintances anymore. You never told me you dated Leroy.” he said in a low voice, checking her reaction and when he saw her tensing, he understood that it was a sensitive topic.

“It’s something I want to forget.”

He saw how she started to scratch the skin around her nails, until blood started to form and he took her hand in his to force her to stop.

“Talk to me, Julia…”

“Look who wants to talk when it’s convenient for them…” she mumbled.

“Please… I’ll apologize later I promise but for now, I need you to tell me what he has done to you to make you like that. He said things, Joolsie… mean one.”

She closed her eyes and swallowed hard, her hand still in his as she stood up, making him follow her to the couch.

“He… he made my life hell back then.”

And she told him everything. How Leroy asked her out and seemed sweet at first and how she started to get popular. To have friends that were including her in everything. She went to parties, she was going out, she never questioned Leroy when he asked to meet her dad and how he was always nice and polite. She thought he really loved her. And then how he started to change when she refused to let him touch her where she didn’t want to get touched and how he decided to change his behavior. How he always belittled her for her dreams, how suddenly she was not invited anywhere, how he was distant. How little by little she felt more and more on her own, isolated from everyone until he broke up with her in public, in front of the entire school. And then the insults came, the little comments everyone was making whenever she was answering the teachers’ questions until she stopped talking at school. How she was arriving in the morning anxious and how she was always planning to hide in the restrooms until the bell would ring. How students she didn’t even know were pulling her hair or worse, spit to her face. She told Ethan how the PE classes were the worst. How she was always the last one to be picked when it was time to make teams. And how the changing rooms were the worst, how they were taking pictures of her while she was changing without her knowing to show them to other students. How the kids were stealing her stuff. She had never felt more alone. The teachers knew what was happening but never dared to say anything.

She was less and less herself and more and more closed off. She was not talking anymore, always in her room. She started to get aggressive with her dad and her mom, even with Louis. She was hurt and she knew she should have said something but she started to believe everyone when they were telling her that she was worthless, that she was stupid, that she was ugly, that no one cared about her, that she would only be a burden and that no one would believe her. After all, they were probably right. Who would believe the word of one girl against the word of a whole school? She was ashamed to admit it but came to a point where she contemplated the idea of leaving the world.

“I remember it so clearly Ethan… I had this indoor swing in my room. And I remember how it would be so easy to just hang a rope to the hook. That I would just need to step on the swing and give a nice push and everything would be over. That I would not suffer anymore.” She was crying, barely able to catch her breath as Ethan pulled her more against him, kissing her hair, not knowing what else to do as she kept telling him everything.

One day it had been the last straw. Someone had pushed her in the stairs making her fall from the first floor to the ground floor, right as everyone was leaving the classrooms. She remembered how someone stepped on her arm and how another one gave her intentionally or not a kick in her back. She had not been able to hide that she was limping and the bruises on her skin. And even with visible proof, she tried to lie her way out when her parents confronted her but her parents were not stupid and had not let her do it. So she had told them.

The next day, Charles and Lyanna were in the principal office, threatening to press charges against the school. After hours of discussion and in front of a school that didn’t seem to grasp how bad Julia’s situation was, her parents had decided to get her out of there and to let her be homeschooled. It had taken a lot of therapy sessions and years for her to get back her self-confidence but she had done it. But from this day she had swore to herself that she would never let herself fall for anyone else, traumatized by what had happened.

Silence fell in the room when she finally stopped talking. Ethan didn’t know what to say. He felt guilty and even more than that. He felt like the last of the scumbag. How he treated her, how talked to her… He understood better how she might have felt and he wanted nothing more but to go back in time to erase his words.

“I’m sorry, Julia… and sorry is not enough.” he whispered as if talking louder would make her break.

“I don’t want your pity. It’s the past. What is done is done.”

“No… I’m not sorry about what happened back then, I mean I am but… How I acted towards you recently… and you are still here, with me. You should leave me. I don’t deserve you. And to think that I’ve been friends with Leroy… I saw them being mean to you, I played along… But I swear I didn’t know the extent of it or else…”

“I don’t hold it against you. You were barely there.”

“I should have broken both of his legs and not only his nose.” he said, angry and he felt her chuckling against his chest. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing, I think it’s just the nerves. I’ve never told anyone this story. Only my mom and my dad knows. Romy knows only a small part.”

“Thank you. For trusting me with that.”

She straightened up and rubbed her eyes as Ethan went back to get her a new glass of water. He was feeling like he understood her better now. The way she seemed always a little bit out of reach, how she was always pushing him away when things were getting a little too intense, her need to stay in control, how she was scared to talk about feelings. Everything seemed clearer now.

“Well there was a lot of emotion today…” she sniffled. “I should probably go home, now… You probably have a whole mess to sort out with that fight and..”

“Stay. I will order take out and we can watch a movie… the damage repairs can wait for tomorrow. I don’t want to face Ashley.”

“And… we talked a lot about me, but you? Are you okay?” she asked, shyly.

“Besides the fact that I regret not having broken both of his legs when I had the chance, I’m good. A little shaken up by what you told me, and I do feel like a gigantic piece of shit right now, but I’m okay. Italian? Fast food? I dream of a greasy burger… It’s been months.” he sighed, taking his phone.

“Not sure if burgers are okay with your diet…”

“If you don’t tell my physio, he won’t know.” he winked at her.

“And while we’re discussing sensitive topics… are you still mad about me not going to South America with you?”

He approached her and knelt down, taking her hands in his.

“Not anymore. I was… mostly because I got used to having you next to me all this time and you told me that after a really shitty weekend so…I overreacted. And I’ve been an ass and really unfair. I shouldn’t have told you how to dress for your parents' wedding. I’m not kidding when I say that I’m bad at this but I want you to know that I’m not trying to hurt you. Really. So if you feel the need to slap me because I act like a dick, please do. I need you to keep me in check.” he explained as she nodded.

“I didn’t dare to because… I think a part of me is still traumatized by what I’ve gone through. I want to be perfect because I want you to be proud of being with me because I’m scared of you leaving me alone. And to relive what happened back then… and it’s stupid because you are not Leroy and I know you wouldn’t do half of what he has done to me. But I can’t help it. I’m way too much in my own head, I know that. And I let my fears get the best of me most of the time. I know I have to work on that but it will take time and in the meanwhile I’m scared that you are going to get tired of me. And before you say anything, I know it’s all in my head.”

“We have a lot of work to do. Both of us. You need to let go of your fear and I need to learn to trust you. Fully. And I need to be more vulnerable. I don’t know how to do that yet, but I promise you, Julia, I’ll alway try my best. Because that’s what you deserve.”

She smiled softly at him as he kissed her forehead before pulling her to him to engulf her in a bear hug.

“You know what? I’m craving a nice and greasy burger too, now.” she mumbled in his t-shirt.

“A nice and greasy burger for the lady it is then.”

They ate in front of a comedy Ethan feeling they needed to laugh and it was very late when Julia started to yawn, tired about her day both physically and emotionally.

“Do you mind taking me back home?” she asked, snuggling against him.

“Or you can spend the night here, you know.”

“I don’t have spare clothes or toiletries with me.”

“It can be arranged. And I want to spend time with you, I’ll need to leave for Milan the day after tomorrow for some simulator work. I just want to enjoy my time with you while I can.”

“In that case, I’ll stay. But no wandering hands… We are sleeping. Real sleep. Nothing else.” she warned him.

“No wandering hands… unless you ask.” he replied with a half-smile.

She rolled her eyes before punching his shoulder playfully. Ethan feigned being hurt as he fell backward in a dramatic way, making her laugh harder. He loved hearing her laugh and even more he liked hearing he laugh knowing it was him who was making her produce this sound. He smiled as he straightened up and took her, delicately in his arms, kissing her lips softly. He didn’t want more than that, he was fine with just kissing her. He took her to his room where he gave her spare clothes and let her change in front of him. He didn’t try to hide how he was checking her out and he saw her blush. He loved it and had to resist the urge to kiss the redness on her skin. He got out of his clothes as well, leaving him in his boxers and slipped under the covers as she soon joined him after a quick detour by the bathroom.

“Come here.” he said, pulling her against him.

“No, you’re too warm. I’m going to be so hot…” she whined.

“You’re already hot, Joolsie.”

“Fuck off. It’s not what I meant.”

He kissed her hair as he pulled her even closer against her will and they soon joined dreamland.

When he woke up the next morning, the bed was cold and her made up pjs was nicely folded on the bed. Ethan was almost scared she had left when he heard a trail of profanities being spoken out loud and coming from the kitchen, quickly followed by the sound of pans falling on the floor. He got up quickly and rushed to where the sound was coming from. She was there, angrily putting the things back in place as she was in the meantime trying to look over the pan. There was a delicious smell of sugar that made Ethan’s mouth watered and he couldn’t help but lean in the doorframe, contemplating her. When she finally turned around, the plate of pancakes in her hand, she jumped at the sight, dropping everything to the floor.

“Fuck!”

Ethan rushed to her side as she was bending to put the shattered pieces and the pancakes away but ended up cutting her fingers and yelping in pain.

“Don’t move, you’re going to make everything worse.” he warned her.

“That’s your fault! You scared me! I wanted to bring breakfast in bed and you ruined it!”

“I’m sorry, schatje.” he said in a laugh.

“You are not! I hate you sometimes and…”

He shut her up by planting a kiss on her lips as he felt her melting in his embrace and let out a content sigh when he felt her hands in his hair. He quickly made her jump in his arms as he carried her on the sofa before letting go of her.

“I need to clean up the mess you made.”

“Technically we should say it’s your mess. It wouldn’t be one if you didn’t scare me.”

“If it makes you feel better, then okay it’s my mess. That I’m going to clean nonetheless. You, you stay there and you don’t move. I’m going to come back to help you with your cut.”

“It’s nothing, Ethan… just a little cut, I had worse.”

“We can’t risk it being infected.”

He heard her complain but decided to ignore her as he proceeded to clean. Once it was done, he went to the bathroom to retrieve his first aid kit and came back. He sat next to her and slowly inspected the cut.

“So, what do you say Doctor Verstappen, am I going to die today?” she asked in irony.

“Well, miss Leclerc, I’m afraid I have to announce to you that your time has not come yet.” he replied, very seriously.

She chuckled as he cleaned her finger and applied a band-aid.

“I hope you’re fine with an astronaut. It’s my mom who bought them”

“I would have loved a unicorn but it’ll do.” she teased him.

He kissed the wound and sat next to her as she snuggled against him.

“I wanted to cook something nice for you…” she confessed.

“I should be the one doing that as an apology.”

“Do you know how to cook, at least?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Are you doubting my capacity to follow a recipe?”

“I’ve never seen you in action and I only believe what I see.”

“Well, in that case, choose the recipe and I’ll do it. How hard can it be?”

“Later… I should go. I didn’t tell my mom I was spending the night here and she must be worried.”

“They know you’re with me, right? They know about us, they shouldn’t be surprised you spent the night with me.” he shrugged.

“Probably not but still, I have to go. At least that’s something good, I don’t have to lie to them about the fact that we are dating, now.” she said, kissing his cheek as she stood up.

“Are we? Dating?” asked Ethan, suddenly unsure.

“I mean, I guess? Why? You don’t consider us as a couple?” it was her turn to doubt.

“I thought we were just two adults that liked to spend time together and that had a nice fuck from time to time… I didn’t think that far ahead.” he explained, making Julia sighed.

“You don’t want to put a label on our relationship.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to. I didn’t think that it was necessary but if it’s important to you then fine we are a couple.”

“You don’t need to sound so disgusted.”

“Julia…”

“No. It’s fine, we are whatever. I don’t care. It’s not important. I’m going to go now. See you around.”

She was about to collect her things when he grabbed her by the waist and forced her to look at him.

“I want you, Joolsie. All of you. Don’t doubt it, please. It’s just… I’m scared to make it real. Because making it real will mean you will have expectations and you will be right to have ones. But what if I can’t meet them? What if all you get from me is disappointment?”

“I just want you to stop being so hot and cold. I don’t need a label, I don’t really care. But I just want to know where we stand. Because if I’m investing myself in this I want to make sure it’s not for nothing and that we want the same thing. I want it to work between us. And sure, it won’t be easy because you are you and I am me. We are really complicated people and maybe not the best pairing, for sure. But I don’t want a better pairing if it means it’s not with you. I'm one hundred percent in this. My question is, are you?”

“I want to be. I want to try to be. For you. I’m sorry that I’m not the best with words and properly showing it.”

“Then that’s all I need. The rest can wait. Just… stop pushing me away, okay? We really need to improve our communication.” she stated.

“Be patient with me, okay? I’m learning. But I want you to know that I care about you. I really do.”

She smiled and nodded as she kissed his lips softly.

“I care about you too.”

As she left him, Ethan couldn’t help but think that he screwed up again. He wanted to stop but he felt like the more he tried, the more he was doing the opposite and didn’t know how to stop. It was just a matter of time before she determined that she had enough and would leave him. He knew it, but it wouldn’t stop him from being with her. He loved her, he really did and somehow he seemed to love her more with each day passing by. And it was terrifying and he hated the way he was letting the fear control his behavior. It was not him. He had never let it dictate his life in the past and he didn’t understand why he would start now. He never had to care about anyone else besides him before, it was a new sensation to have someone next to him. He hated it as much as he loved it. He just needed to find the right balance to avoid messing things up and sabotaging something that made him smile in the morning and at night before sleeping when he was thinking about it. And he knew he had a lot of work to do.

Author's note: That is one of the hardest chapter I've ever had to write. If you are going through what Julia went throught, know you are no alone and that my DMs are always open if you need someone to talk to. What do you think will happen next? Let me know your theories, I love to read them.

Don't hesitate to leave a comment or an ask, as well as reblogging and leaving a like. Besides the fact that I absolutely love to read you, it helps a lot for the story to find its audience. I also have a taglist for this story, so if you want to be added so you never miss a chapter, let me know.

Taglist:

@herondalism @aundercover @musingsbyshreya @karmabyfernando @reengard @mycenterfold @smoooothoperator

#writing #fiction #charles leclerc #f1 fanfic #f1 fic #f1 x oc #charles leclerc fanfic #max verstappen fanfic #max verstappen

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