#but then after he had been living w this trauma he decided to kind of just. try tame an alien? FOR THE FUCK OF IT??

[the-acid-pear]

Btw if you're a fan of the movie and you saw any of my criticism OR NOT I deeply encourage you to tell me why you love this movie and maybe counterpoint my takes. I'm so into getting a new perspective thru the eyes of a lover.

That said the fact that around 8 people saw me asking if I'd watch this movie and Fargo and everyone voted Fargo (of that group, like 2 went for nope) gives me such hope about the fans in the crowd. True lulyheads knew I was gonna hate it before I knew that. Wild.

#luly talks #i dont think I'll be able to stop hating it because i dont enjoy a single thing the movie does #like i enjoy the concept SO much and having the fuck be the stand in for a dangerous animal IS SICK #but like i said i believe the director is a fucking idiot who doesn't get the issue he's trying to portray #i dont think he gets that we as an audience need to See Things or at least Hear Things to Know Things #because this man heard show not tell but then made the most painfully slow movie and forgot to show anything #aside from the scenes w Juni and. he's jupe? i saw it in the subtitles idk where i got juni? #i probably called him jupe on the first time i was like got his name but then just fucking. forgot? so he's juni to me now dw #but he is the most compelling character in the whole movie BECAUSE HE HAS LIKE... SOMETHING GOING ON #something tangible you have his trauma and you SEE it you see how he was just a kid that was working w this ppl AND THIS CHIMP #an animal he did like and who he saw massacre everyone BUT him. and when he was showing a moment of... #being equals maybe? in front of him the chimp is shot dead. #and it's hands down the best scene in the movie i was literally twisting my body like i was driving a car in a game so he'd fist bump gordy #it was the only scene that made me feel ANYTHING #but then after he had been living w this trauma he decided to kind of just. try tame an alien? FOR THE FUCK OF IT?? #because like i said he was not making money this shit was Small just some shit spectacle in the middle of nowhere #and like. i like OJ too but OJ is so disconnected from us the audience is enraging #like I'd fucking love to see him have SOMETHING GOING ON A MOMENT OF GENUINE EMOTION #like AT THE VERY LEAST SHOW ME HIM CARING FOR HIS HORSES BROTHER SHOW ME HIM BRUSHING THEM GIVING THEM A TREAT #movie had all in place to be good but it just. wasn't! just because!! #like the whole message w the animals is pretty dog shit in general too like. i said it already its way more deep #and the fuckign tiger reference is so enraging like i previously mentioned and i know its a character saying it not jordan but you're not #meant to disagree you're meant to be like yeah fucking idiot got bitten by a tiger when the guy insists the tiger was good #AND WHO IN FACT STILL LIVES W BIG ANIMALS AND HAS A PRETTY DECENT LIFE W THEM #LIKE THE ISSUE IS DEEPER IM GONNA CUT MY BALLS OFF AND THROW THEM ST SOMEONE'S FACE IN ANGER #YOU'D DO GOOD JORDAN YOU'D DO GOOD BUT YOU DIDN'T #AND FACT RHE MOVIE SPECIFIES PREDATORS ARE UNTAMABLE WHEN HORSES and other prey animals of their size or more #AS JUST AS DANGEROUS JUST GOES TO SHOW HOW HOLLOW AND STUPID ITS MESSAGE IS #LIKE GOD. #PLEASE HELP ME UNDERSTAND THIS MOVIE PLEASE HELP ME LIKE IT AS MUCH AS 84% IN FUCKING ROTTEN TOMATOES

[dragonmuse]

Keep It In The Box : An Essay on OFMD Season 2 and the Failure to Heal

(here in is my season two reaction. It contains many many spoilers. It's also about 3k words long so you know what you're getting into.)

“See, I have a system for dealing with all the terrible things I've seen. There's a box in my mind, and I put the things in the box..” -Frenchie, Season 2 of Our Flag Means Death

…..and then he never opens it. Chekov’s locked box has no key in season two.

On first watch, it seemed clear to me that Frenchie’s declaration was a narrative plant. Clearly the whole season would be about that box of pain and trauma being opened, sorted through and at least the beginning of healing. The show had developed a reputation after season one of being kind and focused on queer narratives of healing from childhood. Ed and Stede’s parallels in their childhood traumas were frequently on display through season one and were repeated in flashback throughout season two. Jim’s season one arc about becoming someone who doesn’t think just of revenge and can now forge meaningful connections was profound, beautiful and often funny. Izzy is an antagonist because he doesn’t want Ed to move on or stop acting like the trauma-response version of himself. The antagonist wants to stop healing. The point is to grow, to change, to learn how to love. It’s one of the things that made season one work for me at the time, despite reservations about pacing and tone.

So naturally season two should follow suit. It’s a kind show! About healing and falling in love!

For the first several episodes, the remaining crew on the Revenge go through a gauntlet of trauma, forced to do and receive violence at Ed’s whims as he careens from self-destructive behavior to self-destructive behavior. This is the wounding setup. It was dark, but it seemed like it would have a payoff and at first it did.

Perhaps one of the most beautiful moments of the season comes in one of the small respites in those early episodes as Jim recounts Pinnochio to Fang to soothe him through his grief. That was the show that I expected. The kindness of that moment struck me very deeply. It gave me some understanding of Archie too, who seems to fall for Jim right at that moment.

That scene is the show season one promised. Season two led with packing Frenchie’s box full to bursting. Here is the fight to the death between lovers, there is a first mate who is mutilated and rotting in the very walls (the rot of the Revenge itself), and there is the storm of Ed’s rage and pain that threatens to consume all of them.

So surely these remaining episodes would concentrate on finding the humor in healing from those moments. That is the setup. Frenchie has a box. The box must eventually open.

Except time and again, all the characters who suffered are told that the only way to deal with what they’ve been through is to stick it in the box and never open it again.

Pete tells Lucius that he’s unable to move on and needs to let it go. Izzy has a story about a shark. Ed’s apology to the crew which doesn’t even contain the words ‘I’m sorry’ is just…accepted. I kept waiting and waiting for a meaningful apology to the people Ed had hurt the worst with his actions, but it seems all we get is Fang saying ‘eh, no problem, I got to hit you back so I feel better’.

The playful theme of ‘pirates are just violent sometimes’ from season one becomes a grinding horror machine in season two when every atrocity visited on someone is forgiven because the narrative needs it to be. Ed and Stede spend more time making amends with each other over the bloodless night on the beach than either of them spend trying to repent for their actions towards anyone else.

And let’s talk about Ed. Arguably this season pivots on his narrative, on his path to healing and growth. A path that starts at a very low point. His moment in the gravy basket, deciding he wants to live because there are still things to live for is so great! So one might assume that what would follow would be him pursuing those things, making amends, making connections. He and Stede have a wonderful moment, talking about being whim prone and how they’ll work to avoid that, build a relationship by going slower.

Yet, at no point do either of them stop following whims. They never heal or learn from what’s happened to them. They both keep running from thing to thing, particularly Ed. It’s a whim to sleep with Stede, it’s a whim to run off to fish, and the finale gives us just more of their whims. Ed drops fishing as fast as he picked it up. He finds those leathers in the ocean, murdering the symbolism of leaving them behind. Even the inn is a whim, one of those things Ed decided he’d be good at without evidence. And Stede joins him in that without a single on screen conversation about it ahead of the moment.

Ed needs to heal himself and to do that he needs to confront what he’s done and do the work to heal the wound. Instead, he doesn’t meaningfully apologize to anyone, besides Stede and Fang. Despite Izzy’s dying words (we’ll get to that), not only do we never see the crew caring about Ed, working to make him family in the same way they do with Fang and even Izzy, he also doesn’t choose to stay with them. So what is the point? Where is the healing? Or does even Ed, beloved main character, have to live with it all stuffed in a box?

He ends the season in the leathers he threw away, in a relationship that’s barely stabilized, going to live in a house which we are told by the narrative (in that they are very very clearly paralleling Anne and Mary with Ed and Stede or why do we even get that whole Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? episode) will only end in them setting fire to each other to stay warm.

But Vee, I hear you cry, it’s a ROM-COM. This is all meant to be ha-ha funny and you are taking it so seriously!

Cool beans. Then why the hell isn’t it funny? Healing is often filled with comedy because people deal with pain with humor. You can heal and laugh at the same time. The finale especially is almost entirely devoid of laughs, almost entirely devoid of joy until the last minute for that matter. The episode that should show off with a flourish how far everyone’s come, mostly serves to show that no one has grown.

Okay that’s Ed. I want to talk about Lucius next. Our former audience surrogate (that’s taken away in season two when he doesn’t get enough screen time to perform that role and no one takes his place) really goes through the wringer. He experiences many many terrible things, including sexual assault (which is made into a grimace-laugh line that doesn’t take away from it’s seriousness because oh hey, that can be done as it turns out). He’s nervous, he’s smoking, it’s clear he’s suffering.

There’s a beautiful moment where Pete tells him ‘hey, I was also in pain. I grieved’ and that’s great. It’s good that Pete sets a boundary about Lucius not obsessing over the past to the point of occluding their future.

We even get our comedic moment where Lucius pushes Ed off the boat (still not apology, but I’d lost hope for that by then) and that doesn’t help enough. So Izzy comes in with a shark and the advice that you just have to move on.

Just…you know. Play pretend. Forget.

Shove it in a box. Ed didn’t take my leg, a shark did. Ed didn’t kill you, a shark did. Live with the person that tried to murder you because it’s your fault you dangled your leg over the side of a boat. That is the show’s message. I thought on first watch, that surely this would also come back up and be explained that you can’t live that way, that that is no way to heal. That it would become clear that this was no way through. You cannot make everything into sharks.

Lucius can move forward and still carry pain. He can still want a meaningful apology and still want to talk to his lover about what he’s dealing with while moving forward toward a brighter future.

And what of the flirtatious promise of relationships and connections being the way to heal? Look to Oluwande and Jim, whose heartfelt romance from season one was relegated to the bins of history in favor of a narrative that made him a brother Jim once had sex with. They could have had Archie AND Oluwande, who in turn could also have Zheng, but that never seems to be an option. With a single short conversation, they are broken up with, despite a brief tease at the birthday that they still ‘dance’ together, it never actually manifests. Jim and Archie never talk about what they went through. It’s swept under the rug as fast as knives are lowered.

Lucius also no longer flirts with other people, the solution to his pain is to propose and get married (but not too married, lest we forget that they’re two men, they don’t even get to be husbands or even the more respectful mates, no. They’re mateys.) This season proposes that the only happy endings are monogamous ones, where no one talks about anything painful that went before.

To ensure that message, beyond assuring the success of Oluwande and Zheng’s relationship, Jim and Archie almost entirely disappear from the narrative. Sorry you guys were given layers of trauma and no growth and not even much to do this season, we need to make sure that everyone remembers Oluwande is the break in Zheng’s day so when he says that to her five minutes later we know exactly what he’s referencing. No time for Archie to learn what an apology is or for Jim to get one line in with Oluwande that isn’t affirming their newfound broship. Must do more flashbacks to things we just did two episodes ago!

The show even dangles the conversation of the Revenge being a safe space. Why would any of them ever feel safe when the man who tortured them is allowed to walk among them and they are expected to forgive and forget? What’s safe about that? The ship is never made safe for any of them, but that’s never addressed.

And Zheng! Amazing, hysterically funny Zheng! She loses her ships, her entire way of life, the kingdom she built for herself and then…she doesn’t even get to captain the Revenge. We don’t know what becomes of her fleet, of her plans, her ambitions. Don’t worry about it, she has a romantic partner and isn’t that what every lady wants in the end?

(But Vee, I hear you cry again, there will be a season three! Maybe it will be All About Zheng! To which I say: then why did they present us with the most series finale feeling episode ever? If there’s more, I have no idea where it’s going. BUT VEE: BUTTONS AS SEAGULL ON THE GR- Fine. It’s time.)

Let’s talk about Izzy Hands.

Izzy manages more healing than anyone else this season. He reaches his lowest point, suicidal in the bowels of a ship that’s become a prison (very much in contrast to Ed’s suicidal low). The person he loves most in the world has shredded him physically and emotionally (and if you’re in the camp that thinks Izzy deserves the abuse that Ed gave to him, I would really like you to sit quietly with yourself and ask why you think there is ever anything anyone can do to deserve that treatment). He’s low, he shoots Ed to protect everyone, and then seems to plan to drink himself to death, mourning his losses.

And then another beautiful moment! The crew move past their own pain to help him. They work together for the first time and it’s to give Izzy mobility back. He treasures it. He cries over it. He uses that kindness extended to him to reach a new understanding of Stede and help him succeed, doing the work to make real amends. He sings in drag, he’s vulnerable and beautiful, celebrating the side of himself that he must’ve loathed in the first season. He’s an elder queer man, coming into himself.

He never gets an apology though. (‘Sorry about your leg’ without eye contact is not an apology. There is no responsibility taking, no acknowledgement of the weeks of torture that came with it.) Izzy also never really has an honest conversation with anyone about what it means that the man he loves punished him so severely for the crime of trying to protect the crew (yes, lest we forget, Izzy lost his leg because he was trying to keep Ed from re-traumatizing the crew and himself).

Izzy does all this work, but even he’s not allowed to take it out of the box. It’s a shark, not Ed. Ed is just ‘complicated’ (the language of abuse here is so upsetting and I think not even intentional).

And then he dies. His last act? To apologize to the man who tortured him and shot at him. To have done all this work, to take on all the blame. And then die.

In a rom com.

This show ends in a profoundly unfunny moment of telling the audience: this is the one character that did the work, that made amends, that tried his hardest to accept the parts of himself that he had a hard time embracing and formerly embittered him. He’s fully accepted his queerness and turned it into beautiful music. He’s disabled, and he worked hard to accept that. The man he loves will never love him back, so he worked hard to make Stede able to meet Ed on an even playing field. The Giving Tree gave up its limbs and its trunk, and it’s not even allowed to be a stump to sit on.

Kill the queer elder, who has managed to figure out how to live and in his own way how to heal. Kill him before he manages to teach anyone else how to meaningfully move forward (he almost gets it with Lucius, almost, but it’s meant to be rule of three, you know. Cigarette..shark…and then…and then fuck it, Lucius doesn’t even get to say a word at his funeral).

The message of this season again and again is that there is no healing, just moving forward. Like a shark. Like a bird that never lands.

That is not a kind show.

Season two is not a kind season.

It splinters people up and jams them back together without purpose or reason. It tells everyone who experiences pain that they should shove it in a box and not deal with it. No one who really needs one gets an apology of any sincerity. No one puts in the work to gain forgiveness. (Ed wearing a onesie is not The Work. Ed fixing a door is not The Work. Ed broke people that the show wants us to care about. Ed never does the work of making those amends. He fires off a Notes app apology at best. After all, it’s what he told himself via Hornigold in the gravy basket: you move on or you blow your brains out! Good thing he took his own advice and therefore had to change nothing to get his just rewards.

I would’ve taken just fifteen minutes of Ed trying to actually make amends. It could’ve been hilarious! Imagine awkward Ed trying to dance around what he’s doing with Jim and the two of them having a knife throwing competition about it. Or him and Frenchie attempting to make music together, writing a song about the raids they went on! It’s not just the crew robbed of their healing because of this, it’s Ed himself. He never meaningfully changes or makes amends. How is he any different at the end of the finale then he is standing on the edge of that cliff with Hornigold? He hasn’t moved on, he hasn’t healed. He tried one thing (fishing) that doesn’t fucking work and then he runs right back.

No one leaves this season better than they went into it. They’ve lost an elder queer, they’ve lost their joyous and queer polyamory, they’ve lost a chance for meaningful reconciliation with Ed and Ed lost any chance of looking like he gave shit if they did. Stede grows enough to accept the crew’s beliefs as important and then leaves them behind without a care.

Izzy gets a beautiful speech about piracy being larger than yourself. Ed and Stede, within twenty minutes of that speech, leave piracy. They are incapable of giving themselves to something bigger, apparently. They haven’t learned to be a part of a community. They haven’t healed from their childhood trauma or their fresher wounds. They are still just following their own whims.

Zheng’s life work is in tatters, but it’s fine, she has love. Oluwande and Jim aren’t together, but it's fine because they both have dedicated monogamous partners. Lucius was deeply scarred by what happened, never recovers much of his first season personality, but hey he got-well it’s not married exactly- but you know good enough!

Frenchie, who has a box forever locked in his head, is captain. Because the key to success is to lock it all in a box and never open it. What a message. What a show. Conceal, don’t feel. Smile because it’s a happy ending. Don’t mourn the dead, don’t try to tell people what happened to you (they will literally run away or cry too hard to listen and really you’re just bumming them out), and any meaningful change you make is only rewarded with death.

Frenchie is now a pirate captain with a box in his head full of trauma that’s never been opened, leading a crew with more wounds than scars. Wonder how that could turn out? Wonder how many years before he might want to retire and then happen to run across a gentleman pirate. As if no one learned anything at all.

#our flag means death #ofmd #ofmd spoilers #the strangest message sent #and no idea if it was on purpose #I kind of think it wasn't somehow #but boy howedy did it come across

[kokusfluffyhair]

Hearing Kokushibou Sing🎤🎵

(Inspired by finding out about the songs recorded by Kokushibou's Japanese v/o, Okiayu Ryotaro) Kokushibou is shy about his singing voice. He thinks his voice sounds too high when he sings. When he speaks, his voice is very strong and deep, but when he goes into his singing range, it becomes higher and lighter. Because of that, he doesn't like to sing. It makes him feel emasculated and self-conscious. No matter how much time passed, Kokushibou is still trapped in the trauma from his childhood, where he had to be the best and the strongest in order to receive any kind of love from others.

Even though the two of you have been together for a while, he still doesn't feel comfortable bearing too much of his gentler side for you. Whenever he starts to get softer with you, letting down the shield he built up for himself of what type of man he "should" be, he freezes and stiffens up again. It can be very frustrating, but you are patient with him. Once over some sake, Kokushibou (probably accidentally) opened up to you about why he is always so stoic, so you understand where he is coming from. Still, you wish he would feel comfortable to show you all sides of him.

One day, you went out to get some things at the market. You wanted to buy food lawfully, instead of waiting for it to become dark so Kokushibou could steal food as he tended to do. He always wanted to make sure that there was enough human food in the house for you. He also started to eat more human food himself since the two of you were living together. Kokushibou refused to eat people in your presence, and he wanted to share meals with you as much as he could.

You told him that you would probably be gone for a couple hours, but you got back home quite a bit earlier than expected. You went back into the house and set the bags of food aside, before going to find Kokushibou. Even as a human, you can sense his presence, since his demon aura is as powerful as it is. After taking some moments to concentrate, you could pinpoint exactly where your demon lover was.

He was in the bath. You smirked at the thought. You were going to give him a little surprise. Trying not to giggle, you quietly make your way towards the bathroom, until you suddenly start to hear a faint noise.

You stop in your tracks. It was Kokushibou singing.

You were stunned, to say the least. You had never heard him sing before. It almost sounded like it couldn't even be him, but you knew it was him. No one else was in the house besides the two of you, and the singing was coming from the same place where you sensed his aura. His voice was so sweet and gentle. It made you smile as he occasionally went a bit off-tune. He was so endearing to listen to.

You weren't sure if you should disturb him or not. It would surely make him embarrassed to know that you heard him singing. He was doing it at a time when he thought he was alone. He obviously didn't want you to hear him singing, because if he did, he would have done it at any time.

You felt bad that Kokushibou wanted to hide his sweet voice from you. Hearing him was such a pleasant experience for you. You loved the side of him that he was expressing. Now even more than before, you wished that he would share his complete self with you. It was his gentle side that you could always see in his eyes and feel in his touch that made you love him in the first place.

You decided to approach the bathroom. This was as good as a time as any to try to tell him that you wanted to see more of this Kokushibou. So, you quietly continue to the bathroom. Kokushibou's voice grew gradually louder as you grew closer, but it never got very loud or strong. It was still soft and gentle.

He was so caught up in his own world that he didn't sense you coming. It was a few seconds of you standing in the doorway of the bathroom before he noticed you. When he did, he immediately stopped singing, his body stiffening up as he became overcome with dread. He looked like he wanted to dunk himself into the water and disappear. One of his hands gripped the side of the bathtub as he stopped breathing for a moment.

"Your concert was very nice," you say to him, trying to give him praise.

You see his Adam's apple bob in his neck as he swallows.

"I'm sorry if I disturbed it," you say.

"You didn't hear anything," Kokushibou said.

"All right," you say flatly.

Kokushibou's hand gripping the side of the bathtub shakes a little.

"I wish you wouldn't be so shy," you say to him.

"I am not shy," he says.

"All right." You are clearly disappointed.

Kokushibou takes a deep breath. "Forget what you just witnessed. I do not intend to bring you shame."

"What do you mean? How would you bring me shame?"

"Because of that pathetic voice of mine."

You step into the bathroom and approach the tub. He doesn't budge as you come closer and he still stares harshly ahead of him.

"I liked hearing your voice, Kokushibou."

"Do not lie to me."

"I'm not lying to you."

He became silent.

"Kokushibou, will you look at me?"

He seemed like he was about to say "no" and tell you to leave him, but he didn't. Instead, his eyes look at you and then he slowly turns his face a bit towards you.

"Kokushibou, do I look like I'm lying to you?"

There is a pause.

"No."

"Then, you see, I'm telling you the truth. I really loved hearing you sing. Your voice made me very happy."

His face softened a little. "It is a terrible voice, y/n."

"I don't think so."

He looked down slightly. "Do you not find it to be ... weak ...?"

"No. Not at all." You grab a stool in the bathroom and bring it by the tub. You sit down so that you and he are at similar levels. "Kokushibou." You put your hand on top of his. He was still gripping the side of the bathtub, but with less force than before. "Your voice isn't weak at all. It's very special to me. It makes me love you even more."

Kokushibou was silent.

"I wish that you would let yourself bare that sweet and gentle side to me more often," you say. "It really is what I love about you. Even if you don't show it, I can tell it's there, Kokushibou. That's why I'm here with you, and why I want to keep being here with you."

He was still silent.

You take a deep breath. "I guess we won't agree on this anytime soon."

His hand releases the side of the bathtub. He turns it around so that it holds your hand. He gives it a gentle squeeze. "I will think over what you said." He paused. "I want you to be happy with me."

"I am happy with you," you tell him. "But I would be happier if you would be comfortable to share both sides of you with me. I want to be able to love both the samurai Kokushibou and the singer Kokushibou."

He was silent for a moment. "I will gather my thoughts about this." He nodded to himself before releasing your hand. "I would like to finish my bath in private."

"That's fine." You get up and give him a kiss in his hair. You see him blush slightly as you step away from him.

As you leave, you hear him continue to wash himself in the water. You feel a bit better, knowing that you talked about it with him. Although Kokushibou still appeared to be closed, you could tell that some progress was made. You smiled at that. You knew that it would take baby steps for him to feel completely comfortable with himself, and that was okay.

Later, after Kokushibou finished his bath, he went to cook with you. As the two of you cut the vegetables together, he started to hum a song. When you glanced up at him, you saw him smile very slightly. He was enjoying it, and he would continue to enjoy sharing his whole self with you.

#kokushibo #kokushibo x y/n #kokushibou x reader #kokushibou #kokushibo x you #kokushibo fluff #kokushibou kny #demon slayer kokushibou

[lakesbian]

and the other thing is like. it's complicated. he is generally not the worst listener. he is, demonstrably, by her side when the cards are down, even if he doesn't really get her. he's on his daughter's side when he finds out she's skitter. when taylor says she doesn't like rachel, he doesn't offer any platitudes, he just nods. he doesn't dig into what she says or ask for elaboration when she vaguely mentions the bullying, and she's grateful for that. but her gratefulness leads her to feel like she, quote, "owes him" a confession about some of the bullying:

I felt like I owed him something for that. Sighing, I admitted, “Like, at school. The, uh, the people who’re giving me a hard time? They sort of ganged up on me on Monday. Just, you know, taking turns insulting me. It’s why I needed to get away and went downtown.” I felt embarrassed, saying it, because it was humiliating enough to live through without having to recap it, and because it felt so disconnected from the rest of the conversation. But if I didn’t say it right then, I don’t think I would’ve been able to.

and it feels really revealing as to their relationship that she thinks he Deserves the information about the bullying he clearly wants, but is humiliated not just by recapping it, but because it "feels disconnected from the rest of the conversation." of course baring the trauma feels more humiliating when it's the unacknowledged elephant in the room, when her father approaches conversations w/ her like she has a normal life despite the reality that she's being horrifically abused.

and after she opens up a bit, we get yet another reason why doing it sucks for her:

My dad sort of went still.  I could see him compose himself and choose his words before he asked, “Not to diminish how much it sucks to get put down like that, but they didn’t do anything else?” I raised my eyebrows in question as I chewed.  They had, kind of, but I couldn’t really say ‘They used Mom’s death to fuck with my head’ without having to explain the Emma thing. “Anything like what happened in January?” he asked. I lowered my eyes to my plate, then shook my head.  After a few moments I said, “No.  January was a one time thing.  They’ve pulled smaller ‘pranks’ since then, hassled me, but no repeat performances on that front.”  I made air quotes with my fingers as I said ‘pranks’. “Okay,” my dad said, quietly, “That’s a relief to know.”

earlier in his interlude, danny hears her come in at Three Ay Em In The Morning, is about to go check on her to make sure she's okay, and then hears her making a snack and decides "well, if she's making a snack she must be fine enough to leave alone, that's a relief." and that's exactly what he's doing here--he's hearing that something awful happened to her, he's checking that she's "fine enough to leave alone," and then when he decides that she is, he says "that's a relief" and changes the subject from the bullying altogether. saying "not to diminish how much that sucks" does not change that it diminishes how much it sucks to immediately respond to her confession with "okay, but it wasn't as bad as the worst time, right?"

I didn’t feel like sharing any more. You’d think I would feel better, after opening up, but I didn’t. I felt frustrated, angry, awkward. It was a reminder that I couldn’t have a real conversation with my dad like I used to be able to. More than anything, I felt guilty. Part of the guilt was because I’d apparently let my dad think that every time I was bullied, it was like it had been that day, nearly four months ago, when things had been at their worst.

and it's so fucking sad that she feels guilty for "letting him" assume that something That Bad could be happening regularly, when he was the one not opening opportunities for communication. he's trying to carry on like everything is normal, thus divorcing their interactions from reality & ensuring they can't have real conversations.

& i really love how he's a dysfunctional parent in a completely plausible and understandable way. he lost his wife and entered a depressive state where he wasn't able to care for taylor until his friend gave him a kick in the rear about it, and now he's just barely able to scrape by in the "acting like a semblance of a normal household" department. he has no support systems to lean on, he has no idea how to help taylor, the only thing he's capable of is desperately hoping that she's Fine Enough to leave alone. and i think he lies to himself about how fine she is, because if she wasn't fine enough, what would he even do about that? it's such an encapsulation of the failure of the nuclear family that he's one of her only real avenues for help despite not being in a place to give it. it hurts both of them, although it certainly hurts her more, because she is the child being abused and systematically neglected, with no real recourse for it. it's why i really like that it's portrayed as understandable when taylor leaves the house, and why it's so grating that a return to the nuclear family is portrayed as a sign of her healing at the end. rest in peace worm criticism nuclear family you were good while you lasted

#wormtime 2 #wormtime 2 arc 3 #worm spoilers #scarf don't look #parahumans #wormblr #okaey now time for a bank robbery :) #regent get hoverboard

[furienna]

M - W

Mama Bear: Míriam and Pepa had a big brawl one time, when Camilo hit Víctor in the stomach with a football. Míriam began to yell at Camilo for "hurting" Víctor, and Pepa arrived to defend her son and almost caused a storm.

Masculine Girl, Feminine Boy: Downplayed as Teresa isn't masculine otherwise, but if someone bullies her brother or insults her father, she will become mad and want to fight, while Víctor is more likely to do nothing except start to cry.  * It's implied that Bruno and Pepa were like this as well when they were younger. Pepa is hardly that masculine otherwise either, but she's got a terrible temper. And it's revealed that years ago, she used to hit Bruno's bullies with lightning. And as for him, he seems to have simply had to wait for his sister to save him. 

The Medic: Julieta's power is that she can heal people with her cooking.

Momma's Boy: Bruno was very controlled by his mother when he was younger, and he still has to look into people's futures because she says so. He was only able to ever stand up to her after he got married, but he still chooses his battles. * Víctor prefers to let his mother Míriam treat his wounds when he's attacked, despite the fact that his aunt Julieta has a healing power. And he will let Míriam pamper him because he can't say no to her. But he's a rare case of this trope, who is lucky enough to have a father and to have a good relationship with him. * And also, both Pablo and Mariano are shown to be very close to their mothers. And Teresa and Dolores agree that it's a good quality.

Muggle Born of Mages: While it's true that her father has no magic in his family, Mirabel is the first kid in two generations of her mother's family to have no "gift".

Multigenerational Household: Teresa and Víctor and their parents share a house with the following relatives: a grandmother, two aunts, their husbands, and even six cousins. When they lose the Casita, they have to go live with their maternal grandparents instead. But it makes them qualify for this trope again. 

My Beloved Smother: As a single mother with war trauma, Abuela Madrigal has been a controlling force in the lives of her three children. She's pleased to know that they all became Happily Married. But now, it is time to push the grandkids into marriage! She becomes a lot better after the Casita crumbles though. * Míriam is dangerously close to being this too as she's very protective of Víctor. This is kind of justified by how often he has fainted though. And luckily, Bruno is good at guiding him without pampering him. Míriam is notably less smothering towards Teresa, except that she shows a bit of concern when she meets Pablo. But that is because Míriam's sister is stuck in a bad marriage, and she's afraid of seeing Teresa end up in a similar situation…

Obnoxious In-Laws: Downplayed with Abuelo Gonzalez, Bruno's father-in-law. He told Abuela Gonzalez once that he wondered if Bruno is "right in the head", and he doesn’t get how he can have rats as pets as he sees them as vermin. Bruno decides to simply do what he can to never ever anger his father-in-law. And usually, that is good enough to keep Abuelo Gonzalez satisfied. However, Teresa is fully aware that her father and her abuelo have a strained relationship.  * There's a bit of tension between Míriam and Abuela Madrigal too, since Míriam once insisted that Víctor was too young to work. He was only five years old then, but the thought that a magic gift wouldn't be used really scared Abuela Madrigal. This ended with a big brawl. And even though they mostly just let each other be after that, Míriam just knew that she could only defy Abuela Madrigal once.

Official Couple: Bruno and Míriam are the main couple in the first two chapters. But later in the story, Teresa and Pablo are this instead.

Only Friend: Teresa and Mirabel are close despite an age difference of six years. And when Teresa meets Pablo, Mirabel is very afraid that she will be all alone.     * Later, Pablo refers to Mariano as his only friend. And still, they had only started to talk to each other after Pablo started dating Teresa.

Personal Rainclowd: Pepa will often get one if she gets upset about something. But if she's really upset, it is even possible for her to cause a hurricance or make it snow. 

Power Incontinence: It is very easy for the Madrigals to lose control of their gifts. Teresa and Bruno can see people's futures by accident if they get angry, Pepa is known to cause a storm if she's upset, Isabela even hurts Mariano with a plant.

The Quiet One: Dolores is clearly the least talkative one out of the Madrigals. Teresa found it hard to even talk to her until they both found a boyfriend, so they could talk about that and have double dates.  * Leonor is very quiet too and just works in the shop without causing any trouble. But she and Teresa have one important conversation about their father figures, which is more than enough to clue Teresa in on that Leonor hides a lot of pain. 

Raised By Grandparents: This happened to Teresa's cousin Leonor, who had to live with Abuelo and Abuela Gonzalez. Her mother had to leave her with them, because she married a violent drunk and wanted to keep her daughter from him.

Red Oni, Blue Oni: Pepa is very emotional and capricious (red), Julieta is calm and responsible (blue). * Míriam is clearly more introverted and responsible (blue) than her flighty sister Malena (red). * Agustín is calm and composed (blue), Félix is jolly and extroverted (red). * Mirabel is bubbly and talkative (red), Dolores is calmer and quiet (blue). * Camilo is extroverted and loves to entertain people (red), while Víctor is introverted and prefers to stay at home and read (blue). * Camilo is furthermore an extroverted red to either of his siblings, as Dolores and Antonio are introverted blues. 

Seers: Bruno and Teresa can look into the future. But it becomes a burden when people accuse them of causing their bad luck… 

Sensitive Guy and Manly Man: Pablo seems to have been more fragile than his brother Manuel, who managed to become a strong carpenter like their father.

Settle For Sibling:  Even though Isabela and Dolores are cousins and not sisters, they end up in a variant of this trope. Everybody seems to just expect Mariano to propose to Isabela, but she's not interested and is only agreeing to it to please Abuela Madrigal. Dolores happens to be in love with Mariano though, but she won't say anything about it until Teresa has a vision about them. But in the end, Isabela is free to not agree to a loveless marriage. And it leaves Dolores free to date Mariano…

Sibling Yin-Yang: Pepa is hot-tempered and emotional, Julieta is calmer and more responsible. Bruno is pretty much a middle ground between his sisters, being introverted but still very likely to show emotions like anxiety and shame.  * Míriam is very responsible and more introverted, Malena is very flighty and more extroverted. * Isabela is seen as the family beauty and a "perfect princess", Luisa is very tall and strong and muscular, and Mirabel is neither too girly-girly nor too tomboyish, but she's looking for her purpose in the family, where she's the only kid who has has no magic gift. * Dolores is very calm and quiet, Camilo is very mischievous and an entertainer, and Antonio has animal friends, but he will be introverted around people. * Pablo has never been as strong or as good at carpentry as his brother Manuel, but he turns out to be less judgemental than most of his family as well. 

Sickeningly Sweethearts: Míriam is fond of hugging and kissing Bruno in public, even if people are annoyed by it. Bruno and Míriam can also be lovey-dovey in front of their kids, and that is after twenty-two years of marriage.

Single Woman Seeks Good Man: Míriam quickly knew that despite his terrible reputation among the villagers, Bruno was notably nicer than her sister's suitors. And she also saw that Agustín and Félix were good for Julieta and Pepa.  * And in the following generation, Pablo is truly good for Teresa. He is the only villager to feel bad about not doing anything, when a group of bullies had attacked Víctor, or to show some skepticism about all the terrible rumors about Bruno, and even to accept that rats can be pets. Likewise, Dolores fell in love with Mariano because of his Nice Guy qualities.

So Proud of You: Bruno is very good at telling Víctor that he's so proud of him. But as Teresa has been seen as stronger and her parents focus more on Víctor, she has never been told that. When she's able to replicate one of her father's visions though, Bruno finally does tell her that he is proud of her.

Speaks Fluent Animal: Antonio's power is that he communicates with animals.

Super Hearing: Dolores's power is that she can hear everything in the Encanto.

Supreme Chef: Julieta's power is that she can heal people with her cooking.

Tomboy and Girly-Girl: Tall and muscular Luisa is strong enough to lift up the village church. Isabela is known as the family beauty and a "perfect princess". But it changes after Isabela has a make-over…

Town Girls: Isabela is seen as a great beauty and a "perfect princess" (femme). Luisa is tall and strong and muscular (butch). Mirabel is between them being neither that girly-girly nor that tomboyish (neither). 

Understanding Boyfriend: If a guy wants to date one of the magic Madrigal girls, he has to be this. Teresa is even astonished by how Pablo is almost too good to be true, but she can find comfort in that he and Mariano are there for each other.

Unusual Pets for Unusual People: Bruno and Víctor keep rats as pets, which is seen as very strange and adds to their bad reputation. Teresa grosses a group of girls out by picking up a rat. And even Abuelo Gonzalez calls rats "vermin", when Víctor has three of them in a cage when they must stay with their abuelos. That leads to a bit of conflict as Bruno of course will support his son about this…

Violently Protective Wife: Downplayed as Míriam doesn’t actually use violence, but all the villagers know that she will chase them away from Bruno. Justified as looking into the future for too long gives him migraines, and it could even make him faint...

Weather Manipulation: Pepa's mood is what decides the weather in the Encanto. So you will have good weather if she's happy and bad weather if she's unhappy.

World's Strongest Woman: Luisa's power is her super strength.

#fan fiction #encanto #fanfics #tropes

[sunnyrealist]

Chapter 21: Melting and Melding

The Sun, the Moon, and All Our Stars

Summary and Details…

Chapter Background and Summary: Sebastian and Kate are definitely a couple now. He asked if she'd like to accompany on him on a weeklong trip to the Highlands, since she will soon be on her summer holiday and he will have a rare week off of work. They decide to go on a date in Hogsmeade that night, thinking it might be fun to see the village so lively with all of the students celebrating the end of term.

Pairing: Aged-up, post-Azkaban Sebastian Sallow x female OC (Kate Mayflower)

Content warnings: Dirty thoughts, trauma. In general, this story is rated 18+, so MNDI!

Art credit goes to Giselsann. Check her out if you're looking to commission some fan art @giselsann-opencommissions!

The full chapter is available below the cut; it can also be found on AO3 (link is posted below). Any kind of constructive feedback would be greatly appreciated. A comment, like, or Kudos would make my day!

Chapter 21: Melting and Melding

Their lips finally separating, both Sebastian and Kate slowly open their eyes again. 

“I’ll see you very soon,” Kate tells him. “And don’t dress too formally. It will be casual in the village tonight.”

Sebastian goes in for another kiss because he just cannot help himself. Then, he holds her gently to his body. “I love you, Kate.”

“Love you, too,” she murmurs. “Bring clothes for tomorrow, alright?” There’s a glimmer in her eye when she smiles.

“Yes,” he replies, grinning as he understands exactly what she is implying. He finally lets her go. “Yes, I will.”

Kate opens the door for him, which Sebastian had swiftly repaired after their official house tour. It had concluded in the living room, where the shattered stained glass covered the floor just a few steps away in the foyer. It had been forgotten since the night before - they had been rather busy.

Sebastian doesn’t budge but simply gazes at her for a minute. “You’re so beautiful - you know that?” He pauses, watching her blush. “I still can’t believe you’re mine.” The light from a cloudless sky brightens around her yellow hair, almost like a halo. He reaches up and brushes a few strands of hair behind her ear. “You’re my sun.” He leans in close - close enough for her to feel his breath on her ear, and then he softly presses his lips to hers again. Whispering, he tells her, “I don’t want to leave you for even a minute.”

Kate chuckles quietly. “I don’t want that either, but I think you could use a change of clothes. And perhaps a shower. No offense.” She smiles. “Even I need some time to do the same.”

“Alright,” he finally concedes. “I’ll see you at thirty past five.” He steps outside. 

“Parting is such sweet sorrow,” she quotes, wondering if he’ll understand the reference to the famous muggle play. It certainly feels like the balcony scene at the moment. Sebastian grins but shows no recognition. There will be plenty of time in the future to introduce him to Shakespeare, she thinks. 

Sebastian turns around once more and waves before apparating away. 

Sighing, Kate closes the door and heads into her bedroom. There’s so much to do in such a small amount of time. The sheets absolutely must be washed after what happened this morning. She’ll need to shower, hurry through her beauty routine, choose clothing, and more. She sits for a moment on the chair in her room and determines an efficient plan.

The grandfather clock loudly chimes five times, causing Kate’s heart rate to increase. She quickly pats the last of the cream on her face, then rushes out of the bathroom stark naked and scurries to the closet in her bedroom. 

This will be the most difficult task of all - choosing a dress. It can’t be too fancy. Which flatters her best? Is there a certain color she should pick? She ultimately decides to stick with yellow, her favorite color -  the one that Sebastian associates with her. She grabs a golden dress with blue polka dots scattered throughout and pale blue leaves adorning the top of the bodice. If she adds a blue ribbon to her hair, it will come together perfectly. 

Throwing the frock on her bed - which still doesn’t have freshly laundered sheets as they are still hanging in the backyard - she goes to her dresser and fishes out a blue ribbon. Rushing back into the bathroom, she styles her hair half-up, half-down, tying the ribbon into a bow to secure a tiny ponytail. 

Lingerie is an easy choice. A pale blue corset and lacy knickers with dainty little bows match her dress just right. Examining herself in the floor-length mirror, she admires her choice as she strings up the corset, lacing it as tightly as is comfortable. Her arse is mostly exposed, as the underwear doesn’t provide much coverage there. He’ll love that, she thinks, smirking to herself and reminiscing about their morning activities, when he grasped her cheeks hard and panted loudly as she rode him.

Just as she buttons up the bodice of her dress, there is a knock at the door. Shit! He’s early! She has no choice but to rush to open the door. Barefoot, her feet plod across the wooden floor. 

The moment Kate opens the door, Sebastian steps in and pulls her into a kiss that leaves her breathless. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers against her ear. “I know I’m early. I couldn’t stand waiting around…”

“It’s alright,” she replies softly, then pulls back to look at him.

Sebastian’s short chestnut hair is mostly slicked back, much more kempt than usual. He wears a white collared shirt under a brown vest and suspenders, which, considering the warmth of the day, is just right. 

“You look very handsome, my moon,” she praises him, not hesitating to use her nickname for him; it’s beginning to become natural, easy.

“And gods, you look gorgeous, my sun,” he remarks, staring at her openly.

“So… I’m… I’m not quite ready yet,” she says, scrunching up her nose with a twinge of anxiety. “I still need to put on a few more things, and I never got the sheets off of the line in the back. I’m sorry.”

“No, that’s not your fault. It’s mine. I just… I can’t help myself when it comes to you. I knew the risk when I arrived early. I don’t mind waiting - or helping, if you’d like. Do you want me to get the sheets?” he asks, hoping to be of service.

Kate smiles, seeming surprised yet delighted. “Erm… yes! Yes, please… if you don’t mind.” She hands Sebastian the basket and watches him head back outside.

Realizing she has only a short amount of time before he comes back with the sheets, she dashes into her bedroom again, rustling through her dresser for blue stockings, pulling them on quickly and attaching them to her panties. 

Sebastian returns, emerging into the bedroom with a smile and a full basket as Kate slips her boots on. 

“Shall we fix up the bed?” he inquires, taking the bottom sheet out and handing her one side of the crisp white fabric.

Together, they put the bed back together, just like a married couple. The comparison doesn’t escape Kate’s notice.

Grasping the bouquet of sunflowers Sebastian immediately purchased the moment they stepped into Hogsmeade, Kate grins excitedly at all the hustle and bustle in town tonight. She meets Sebastian’s eyes. 

“Thank you for dinner,” Kate says gratefully. “It was nice to not have to cook tonight.” 

“Of course,” Sebastian replies. “I want to treat you so much more, though. Whatever your heart desires - just say the word. But for now, let’s get something sweet.”

He ushers her into Honeydukes as the sun begins to set. The lanterns in the village are beginning to light up. 

Inside, the sweets shop is filled with students desperate for one last taste of their favorite sweets before it is too late. Kate waves as one of her seventh year student helpers from the library approaches, looking between her and Sebastian curiously and mischievously. 

“So, is this the boyfriend you’re always daydreaming about, Miss Mayflower?” she asks, giggling. Then she quickly turns to address Sebastian. “She’s always staring into space and smiling, you know.”

“Hortensia!” Kate shouts, blushing furiously. 

The student simply smirks and rushes away, calling out, “See you on Monday!”

Sebastian simply laughs as Kate huffs and puffs in disbelief.

There’s quite a line at the ice cream counter. They finally manage to order a hot fudge sundae to share after fifteen minutes of waiting. Sebastian carries it outside while gently grasping Kate’s hand, using his shoulder to open the door for her. 

Luckily, a pair of students are vacating a small table just as they step outside. Dusk has fallen, and the string lights provide a rather romantic atmosphere. 

“Oh, bollocks,” Sebastian frowns as they sit down, quite displeased. “I just realized I forgot to ask for an extra spoon.” 

He gets up, ready to brave the Honeydukes crowd again, but Kate reaches across the table and gently pushes him back down to sit. “Don’t worry - we can just share the spoon, Sebastian. We planned to share this sundae anyway, right?”

Kate giggles as Sebastian feeds her the first bite of the sundae, and then laughs as she takes the spoon and does the same for him. The joy of magical ice cream is that it doesn’t melt for some time, so they’re able to just sit and enjoy themselves, chatting and people watching, instead of hurriedly shoveling it down.

“What kinds of things did you do in Hogsmeade when you were a student?” Kate asks Sebastian, amused by the antics of the students of varied ages passing by them. They’ve seen a lot in the half hour they’ve sat outside - couples letting go of their inhibitions in public, first years skipping down the street happily, some fourth years setting off fireworks, and lots of drunken seventh years - some laughing, some absolutely bawling, realizing that this is truly the end of their carefree days before saying goodbye to their friends and entering the workforce.

Sebastian sits back and smiles, going through his memories. “When my sister was well, we would go to the Three Broomsticks with our friend Ominis and get butterbeers. It was a great stress reliever. Sirona was great fun to talk to. She had the best stories and could brighten anyone’s day. Sometimes she’d give us a free round.” He takes a bite of ice cream, letting it melt in his mouth while he considers what else to share. “When Anne got sick, I usually shopped for things that might help her. I bought a shrivelfig here once, in hopes it might alleviate some of her pain for at least a little while. I had to special order it.” After a moment, a big grin comes over his face. “Did you know… that another student and I once took down a troll here in town?”

Kate coughs, shocked. “What?!”

“It’s true!” he laughs. “My friend Ruby was new to the school, and I brought her to town to get supplies. There’s… well, there’s really a lot more to the story, but to keep it short, a troll got into town and was wreaking havoc. Officer Singer was nowhere to be found - what a useless woman - so we took it upon ourselves to help. You wouldn’t believe all of the nice things the shopkeepers gave us afterwards.” He chuckles. “I felt so damn proud.”

“That’s madness!” Kate exclaims. “Nothing like that ever happened to me! And thankfully so!” She chuckles, then takes another spoonful of ice cream and becomes more thoughtful. “So… how are your friends these days? Ominis and Ruby?”

Sebastian looks down, not speaking for a few moments. When he does, he’s quiet - very difficult to hear. “I don’t know.”

“Surely you'd keep in touch if they were your best friends…” Kate suggests.

He shakes his head, frowning and looking distressed. “No. No, I haven’t.” The conversation has clearly taken a serious turn. “I… I don’t think they even know I’m out of Azkaban. It’s for the best.”

Kate feels hurt for him. “How could that be for the best? Sebastian, I’m sure they still care about you…”

He sighs. “All I did was make their lives worse. I’d hate to- to do it again. To d-disappoint them again.” His voice breaks.

“Worse? That can’t possibly be true, Sebastian.” She takes his hand.

“You don’t understand,” he replies softly. “My fifth year - I- I wasn’t myself. Things got so bad, Kate. The moment I got my hands on that bloody ancient relic, it was over. Our lives were destroyed because of me.”

Kate’s eyes are trained on her lap. “But before that… you were great friends. At least with Ominis - didn’t he live with your family?”

Sebastian nods, looking away. 

“I just don’t know how you can believe you’ll disappoint everyone,” she replies sadly. “I mean, if you really think that, then why start a relationship with me?” Kate scoots her chair close to him, putting her hand under his chin and having him face her. “You know the truth. Sebastian, you’ve changed. You’re not an angry, reckless boy anymore. You’re a man who has had a lot of time to reflect. You’ve learned from your mistakes and want to do better. To do good. And I love you for it.”

He doesn’t respond but faintly smiles for a brief moment.

“You should reach out to them,” Kate suggests gently. “At least give them the choice of whether to correspond or meet up with you again.”

Sebastian sighs, and after several moments, he replies, “Maybe you’re right. I don’t know. I’ve just spent so long thinking they must hate me. I’ve never considered otherwise. I’ve thought that for many years now. I… I need some time to think about it.”

She nods and kisses his freckled cheek. Kate sits directly next to him quietly, holding his hand until the rest of the sundae melts and all that’s left is soup. Sebastian spends the time silently considering where his old friends might be and what they might be doing. Perhaps Ominis had been forced into an arranged marriage with a cousin by now. Maybe he’d even have children - as much as he didn’t want to produce any more Gaunts. And Ruby - who knows? She could be anywhere, doing anything with her powerful and rare ancient magic. Maybe she finally found some answers to her endless questions. He hopes so. He wishes them both well.

Eventually, it grows dark. Crickets begin to chirp.

Kate finally breaks the silence. “Let’s have fun the rest of the night, yeah?” She stands up, pulling Sebastian with her. “I’m sure the traveling band has started playing by now. Shall we find them?”

He suddenly slides his arms around her and hugs her tightly. “Thank you. For understanding that I needed a minute there.” When he lets her loose, he says, “Yes, let’s go on. I’d like to dance with the woman I love.” He kisses the top of her head and allows her to lead the way.

#hogwarts legacy fanfic #hogwarts legacy sebastian #sebastian sallow #sebastian sallow x oc #post azkaban sebastian #hufflepuff x slytherin #aged up sebastian

[crash-bump-bring-the-whump]

Oops all hallucinations! We love a good trauma reveal! Also this is another instance where this would be REALLY toxic if it weren't these two specific people and I had so much fun writing it.

TWs: Hallucinations, discussion of trauma, mentioned suicidal thoughts

"What's wrong now?" Dimitri's voice snapped Mariano out of his focus. He was sitting on the other end of the couch, brown eyes narrowed and lip curling in annoyance. "What's the face for?"

"What?" Mariano asked, blinking. He looked up from his book.

"That face you're making. What's it about?" Dimitri repeated slower, the barbs in his tone slipping right past Mariano without sticking.

He never did dwell on how Dimitri sounded, especially not after their stint in captivity together. "I'm seeing if the noise outside is real." He said, settling back into the couch and letting his shoulders relax. "If you didn't hear it, then it wasn't."

Dimitri blinked. "What noise?"

"I heard Laredo screaming." Mariano answered, turning to the next page. "You know, like he used to in the training room. I wasn't sure if he needed help."

Dimitri was quiet until Mariano looked up at him again.

"What?" Mariano asked, taking his turn to sound irritated. "You know, the screams?"

"Mariano, what the actual fuck are you talking about?" Dimitri asked, brow creasing as he stood and strode over. Before Mariano could ask what he was doing, the back of Dimitri's hand pressed to his forehead. "You aren't feverish, so you actually mean all of this." He muttered.

"What do you mean I actually mean all of this?" Mariano asked, jerking backwards when Dimitri reached to check his temperature at his neck.

"I mean that I have literally never heard anything like what you're talking about." Dimitri didn't let up, thumbs pressing delicately up under the curve of his jaw. "That's not normal. How long have you been hearing that?"

"Since I was in prison? I don't know, around my twenty-first birthday?" Mariano raised his hand up, pushing Dimitri's away. "What do you mean? You don't hear them? You don't just hear someone scream upstairs sometimes? You don't wake up to it some nights or have to look outside to see if a kid is hurt?"

Dimitri shook his head, frowning deeply. "Good god, no. I mean, my meds stop that kind of thing from happening anyway, but Mariano you--are you saying you've been hallucinating for over ten years and just didn't say anything?" He asked, aggression winding into his voice.

"I thought it was normal!" Mariano had set his book aside, tossing his hands into the air. "People talk about being haunted by stuff that they've done, I thought that was my thing to be haunted by! It's always people that sound like they're being murdered, it makes sense!"

"How does it make sense?" Dimitri snapped.

"Well it wasn't fun to have to listen to people beg for their lives before killing them!" Mariano snapped right back. "And it's not like prison really did anything about the crimes we committed--"

Dimitri growled, grabbing the front of Mariano's shirt and hauling him to his feet. He got in Mariano's face, nose-to-nose. His reading glasses clicked as they touched Mariano’s.

"That's it. That's what it is." He spoke low, locking eyes with Mariano. "You didn't question it because it felt like a punishment." Dimitri was all but snarling now. "I heard your testimony and sentencing, you know. You asked them to execute you. You cried when they didn't."

Mariano looked away. He didn't fight. He didn't talk back.

"You don't get to decide whether or not you're done being punished anymore." Dimitri said. "As your former leader and one of your boyfriends, I do.

"You skate by with that flat affect and think no one fucking realizes what's wrong with you." Dimitri dropped Mariano, shoving him back onto the couch. "Call your therapist and then book an appointment with a psych."

He watched Mariano hesitate. "And if you don't, I'll tell Bastian." Mariano glared as he took out his phone.

Once the call was made, and a message was left for the receptionist, Dimitri sat down next to him and pulled him close. He pressed the book back into Mariano's hands, tugging his head down to rest on his shoulder. Tension began to slowly slip from Mariano's shoulders as Dimitri started playing with his hair.

"Thank you." Mariano muttered, going quiet as he settled in more fully against Dimitri with a sigh. "I didn't mean to hide it."

"I know." Dimitri said, leaning in to kiss his forehead. "But that's why you have me. And the others, I guess."

#whump #emotional whump #comfort #hallucinations #discussion of trauma #suicidal thoughts get mentioned #mage of violence #dimitri #I swear this is comfort #and that it's okay #dimitri is just unhinged as a caretaker and has a limited amount of ways that he knows to express concern and love for someone

[m0ther-of-p3arl]

who i was before

(robert aeor high au p11)

masterpost

i love how i say you might not get more writing for a long time and then just dump this on you the same day lmao

If he loses him… Jimmy doesn’t know what he’ll do, he doesn’t know what he’d say, he doesn’t know if he could go on living. Because these past seven months that he’s known Scott have been some of the best of his life, no, scratch that, the best months of his life. Jim grits his teeth, taking a couple seconds to lean against the wall and steady his breathing again. Why is this so hard? 

or, finally things get a lil figured out (took them long enough)

tw: all the usual thingies

(3306 w)

The beat is steady, one after another after another after another, predictable. It doesn’t change as he breathes in and out and in and out, trying to calm his flooded nerves, everything too bright or too cold or too loud or too rough. He can’t handle it, so he focuses on his heart, the same steady rhythm pumping out again and again and again, his breath ragged and cutting into his lungs.

Jimmy is shaking again. He can’t stop shivering, pulling his blankets over himself and staring out at the star-flooded sky. He was so close. Scott had been there, just… there, inches away from his own face, so close it had made Jimmy’s heart ache, beating much faster than the slow, laboring tread that pumps in his chest now. 

But honestly: what had he been thinking? Scott’s made it very clear, abundantly clear, that he doesn’t like Jimmy- he always pushes away after extended physical contact, always keeps an extra six inches of space between him and Jimmy at all times, and altogether is just… he’s so obvious about the level to which he is not interested in Jimmy, and yet Jim just keeps trying, and oh god, he’d almost kissed  Scott down there-

Jimmy shudders harder, no longer accustomed over these six months to sleeping alone. He’s used to Scott, right on the other side, breathing shallowly and purposefully, the gentle, repetitive noise having lulled Jimmy to sleep many a night. But now he’s not here, he’s probably decided that he can’t stand the sight of Jimmy, he’s probably so disgusted by what the avian’s just done that he can’t even think to live in the same house as him.

Jimmy’s ruined everything, he’s made a mistake, a terrible mistake, and now everything is horrible and he’s hated and despised by the only person he’s ever thought to love-

The tears he’s been holding back begin to drip through his eyes, and he curls into the fetal position, wings pulled around him on all sides, the familiar texture of his feathers blanketing his shivering arms. He doesn’t even know what Bek had wanted when she’d called him upstairs, but once he left, he knew he couldn’t go back, Scott probably would’ve just gotten more embarrassed.

After all, Scott’s genuinely the strongest, funniest, and most sensitive person Jimmy’s ever known. What could he ever see in the likes of the sniveling avian who can’t do anything right? And now he knows Jimmy’s past- he had just felt so comfortable standing there in the kitchen with his head leaning on Scott’s shoulder, it had felt like how everything was supposed to be.

It was so comfortable that he absolutely just trauma-dumped on Scott. And not just a small trauma dump either; he’s literally just spilled his entire life story to the person he has to live with. The person who came to him for help when he was in need. These past six months have been torture enough, and Jimmy doesn’t need even more reason for Scott to be repulsed by him. He thought he was making progress with the gorgon, and now he finds he just… well, he’s kind of ruined everything, hasn’t he?

Plus, what he’s been through is dwarfed when compared to Scott’s struggles, the pain he’s probably gone through every day of his life. What does Jimmy have in comparison? A woman who took him from family he didn’t even know. The worst thing to happen to him in the past year is just the occasional breakdown, which really, just ridiculous when he remembers the fact that Scott got kicked out of his fucking house.

Jimmy needs to apologize. He needs to go downstairs and apologize right now, regardless of how awkward and embarrassing it might be, he doesn’t think he can live with himself if he doesn’t. He doesn’t know if Scott can live with him if he doesn’t, and though his stomach is a mess of worms gnawing at him from the inside out, it’s something that needs to be done. So he gathers himself up from the shaking mess he’s become, taking a couple deep breaths and smoothing out his nightgown.

The descent down the stairs is slow and quivering, each step an opportunity to go back, he hasn’t gone too far into this yet, if he wants he can just ignore it and never think of it again. But Jimmy’s ignored too many of his problems for too long, he ignored how wrong Patty was until the only viable option was to run away, he ignored his homelessness for the better part of three months, because surely anything was better than Patty, right? And worst of all, he’s completely ignored all the problems that he and Scott need to iron out if they want to have a healthy friendship.

Jimmy is not a brave canary. But he’s willing to do whatever it takes to keep Scott, even if it’s just as friends. Because Jimmy is in love and that knowledge is like a fire burning in the pit of his stomach, propelling him onwards until he’s stood in front of the basement door, taking in the flaking jade green paint, his hand hovering, shakingly and indecisively, above the golden knob.

Is he really going to do this? Is this really the best move? He realizes how easily it could all backfire, blowing up in his face like a ticking time bomb. Scott could be so angry, or sad, or just- Jimmy catches himself, breathing in and out, in and out, trying to calm his anxiety. It’s fine. Scott’s not like that. That’s not going to happen. All he wants is his friend back, he reminds himself, all he wants is a friend. That’s it. That’s all.

(it’s not but he has to pretend or it’s too much it’s too much too much too much-)

And he lowers his hand to the doorknob, turning it slowly, almost excruciatingly so, and pushing the door open. More stairs open beneath him, like a maw trying to swallow him up, but there’s no going back now. Scott’s almost certainly heard the door open, and if Jimmy chickens out, it’ll just make more confusion and problems that spiral onward and never get fixed. 

Jimmy’s always been a curious little bird.  

Step by step by step, Jimmy walks slowly down to the basement, his heart going off like a rabbit cage in his chest. He is so unspeakably nervous, there are no words, no metaphors, that one could use to describe it other than the simple fact that he is terrified. It needs to be done, he keeps reminding himself, he needs to apologize for the better of all of them, it needs to be done. And he’s almost crying now, shaking harder than ever, because he loves Scott, he loves him more than he’s ever loved anyone before.

If he loses him… Jimmy doesn’t know what he’ll do, he doesn’t know what he’d say, he doesn’t know if he could go on living. Because these past seven months that he’s known Scott have been some of the best of his life, no, scratch that, the best months of his life. Jim grits his teeth, taking a couple seconds to lean against the wall and steady his breathing again. Why is this so hard? 

The realization hits him before he realizes what it is, a sudden dread spilling over him like uncooked egg white before he can figure out what it means.

If he really wants there to be no deception, no falsehoods and confusion between them, he’s going to have to tell Scott he likes him. And that could just make everything worse, but maybe it could make everything better, Jimmy doesn’t know, he doesn’t know, he just doesn’t know-

It’ll be worth it, he reminds himself, it’ll be worth it in the end. He has to get this over with. It’s not even an option anymore, it’s a necessity. He can’t back out now, no more skittish avian, Jimmy’s going to be strong and brave and worthy of Scott. He peels himself back from the wall and continues down the stairs, a steady rhythm of steps that he doesn’t break. Step, down, pause, step, down, pause.

Until he turns the corner and there’s Scott, sat stony-faced on the couch, staring straight ahead at nothing. Most people wouldn’t be able to see it, but Jimmy’s eyes catch on the slight glimmer in Scott’s, and he pushes forwards to join the gorgon on the sofa.

Neither of them say anything for a long time, the feet between them feeling like miles and the air in the basement almost bitingly cold.

“I’m sorry,” Jimmy blurts out when the silence gets too excruciating and it’s clear Scott isn’t going to say anything. “I’m sorry I got spooked and ran off and- I’ve been such a terrible friend, I’m so dishonest- I’m so damn sorry about everything, Scott.”

“Jimmy-” The gorgon’s voice breaks, and he turns his head down towards his lap, pulling his knees up to his chest. “You’re so… you’re fucking perfect, you know that?”

“Wha- no!? Look, I’m trying to apologize here, I’m not fishing for compliments,” Jimmy rebuffs, completely taken aback. He can feel the heat snaking through him and resting decidedly on his cheeks, where he’s sure the red must be spreading rapidly.

“You think-” Scott laughs tiredly, leaning his head on his knees to look towards Jim, “You think you’ve messed up somehow? How is that even possible? You’ve been through so much, and you’re still thinking of others before yourself. You probably haven’t ever said a negative word about anyone in your life, and I just- you’re so strong. So strong. And you’re pretty, and smart, and funny and just- how on earth are you friends with me? The stupid, traumatized gorgon who can’t do anything right?” How can Scott think of himself like that?

“I have messed up, Scott!” Jimmy needs him to see it, he needs someone to agree with him, because what he’s done is wrong, it’s wrong, it’s wrong. “I’m not strong and I’m not perfect and I really haven’t been through all that much to be honest with you, all that’s happened is a stupid person took me from family I never even got the chance to know. Let me apologize! I’m sorry for everything and if you want to move out, you are absolutely welcome to. Please don’t feel like you’re obliged to stay here because that was the choice you made when you weren’t feeling right in the head.”

Scott’s face goes bright red, his mouth hanging slightly open like he hasn’t quite formulated what he wants to say yet, glaring at Jimmy with tears in his eyes. “You think I could ever leave you?! How could anyone ever leave you, even if they wanted to- I’m genuinely hurt that you think I could do that. I lo- I really value you, Jim.”

“THEN WHY DO YOU PUSH AWAY WHENEVER I GET EVEN A LITTLE BIT CLOSE?!” Jimmy yells, all his other feelings being swiftly replaced with confused anger. He takes a deep breath and continues, his words measured but still not without a slight sting that he can’t quite keep out.

“If you value me so much- and like hell that’s the word you were going to use- then why don’t you show it? Why do you leave me just- if I’m so important to you, then why don’t you ever talk to me? Why do you keep this distance between us? It fucking hurts, Scott, especially considering you’ve lived in my house for six months now. If I’m really so perfect and strong and- and desirable as a friend, then what is your reasoning for staying so… I would say cold, but that’s a bit punny, isn’t it.” He laughs mirthlessly, fists clenched tight to his crossed legs, tension defining his body.

“Because I already almost ruined things. Twice. And I’m trying not to do that again.” He’s infuriatingly calm, the only emotion displayed on his face is a sweet, broken sadness.

“That’s all you have to say?! You haven’t ruined things, Scott, you’re literally the reason I haven’t killed myself yet. Yes, you,” he adds at Scott’s shocked expression. “What on earth do you mean you ‘almost ruined everything’?! You. Are. The. Reason. I’m. Still. Here.” Jimmy crawls forward, punctuating each word with a sharp jab of his finger to Scott’s chest.

“I kissed you, Jim.” The anguish in Scott’s face is almost enough to make Jimmy break, the sadness and lost possibilities expounding in his face. “I kissed you and then I kept- I keep almost doing it again. That’s why I’m keeping my distance.”

“You think I care, you idiot?” Jimmy growls, tossing his hands up into the air exasperatedly. “You think that changes anything?”

“Jimmy, you don’t understand!” Scott’s waxing patronizing now, and Jimmy can see how hard he’s trying to get his point across.

“What don’t I understand? Try me, I bet you’d be surprised.” He crosses his arms challengingly, almost smirking at Scott’s blush. He’s way past the point of being scared now, and honestly can’t remember why he was even worried in the first place.

“I- I kept wanting to kiss you. I still want to kiss you almost every time you look at me.” The truth written on the edges of Scott’s voice hits Jimmy more than he’d thought it would, and he has to fight hard to stop from shivering.

“Then do it.” Scott likes him.

“What-” Jimmy knows it’s true.

“You heard me. Go ahead then, I’ve given you my consent,” Jimmy says, heart beating out of control, too fast for him to even consider trying to slow down.

“A-are you sure?” Scott asks, fidgeting nervously with the hem of his shirt.

Jimmy almost cries after he laughs, months of worry and distance about to be resolved. “Scott. You know me. Would I be asking if I wasn’t?”

Scott doesn’t answer, looking sadly off to the side, but his silence speaks a thousand words.

“So kiss me, you absolute fool. I’m ready for it.”

And Scott does, lips pressing into Jimmy’s, moving gently, softly, frozen.

Almost immediately, Jimmy is drowning. He is deep beneath the ocean and he is flying through the stars and he was absolutely not ready for this, why did he ever say he was, Scott’s lips are so cold- Jimmy’s hands are shaking in his lap, and he wants more than anything to pull them up to frame Scott’s face, he wants to touch every inch of the gorgon’s frozen skin, warm it up with his own hands. 

But before he can, Scott’s frozen hands are gripping his, his mouth pushing forward into Jimmy’s, opening slightly, and his teeth are so sharp- Jimmy shudders at the feeling of them against his lips, and he wants nothing more than to push back, pull forward and wrap his arms around Scott’s neck, but he can’t, he can’t and he doesn’t know why-

“Was that okay?” Scott asks, pulling away, his cheeks flushed and eyes darting this way and that. 

Jimmy is speechless.

How can Scott be saying that? It wasn’t okay, absolutely not, it was everything and more, it was a whole lifetime, a thousand novels full of words, packed into a single, intimate touch. Jimmy hasn’t properly known anything until this moment, and he’ll look back later and categorize his life into two parts: before the kiss, and after.

He already can’t stand the distance, pushing in on him from all sides, if he doesn’t get close to Scott he’ll pull away, and then Jimmy will be alone again, left in the basement by himself the same way he’d left Scott. But he can’t respond, he can’t speak, he can’t- he can’t do anything-

“Jimmy?” Scott’s lips form his name so perfectly, and it’s all he wants to hear, he never wants to listen to anything other than his name from Scott’s mouth ever again. “Are you- was it too much?”

No. “I- I can’t really- can’t really talk right now, sorry,” Jim mutters, swallowing quickly. “Um. Can I- can we do it again?”

“O-oh,” Scott looks surprised, and honestly, he’s so ridiculous, isn’t it the most obvious thing in the universe how much Jimmy loves him? “Yeah, sure, I’d- I think I’d like tha-”

Jimmy doesn’t wait for him to finish his sentence before he leans forward, pulling his arms around Scott’s neck and stealing another, strong and ferocious where the first was soft and safe, because he’s been missing out on this for so long, too long, are you kidding him? Scott’s hands reach up to ghost along Jimmy’s wings before landing in his hair, and Jim can feel him smiling gently against his lips and all his air is gone.

He is falling he’s falling he’s falling and falling and falling.

Jimmy shivers and he needs to be closer, he wants to feel all of Scott against him- he pulls back for a second to catch his breath and Scott grins, more confident and alive than Jimmy’s ever seen him. “You are such an idiot,” the gorgon whispers affectionately, leaning forward until their foreheads are touching and sparks are flying between them, the knowledge that this is what Jimmy’s been missing out on the past many months almost destroying him.

“So I’m the idiot now?”

Scott rolls his eyes and leans forward, kissing gently, insistently, over and over again against Jimmy’s mouth, fireworks going off between their lips as he pushes forward, all shivers and soft cold skin and full of life. Scott’s eyes are bright and hopeful, and the need for closeness is so overpowering that Jimmy just can’t help it anymore, climbing atop Scott’s lap before the gorgon can protest.

Jimmy moves his hands from Scott’s neck to his chin, cradling the angular point as he kisses over and over, gently removing Scott’s shades and setting them down beside them as he pushes forward, his lips moving from Scott’s mouth to his cheek to his nose to his forehead and all around again, tracing circles around the familiar face.

Scott’s shaking, little noises sprouting from the back of his throat, and his hands move to touch Jimmy’s waist, gently at first, then squeezing harder and harder as Jimmy’s kisses grow more intense, wishes finally given physical form. Jim’s arguably shuddering even harder than Scott, little noises perking up in the back of his throat as Scott’s hands press ever tighter into his midriff. Jimmy pulls away, and Scott takes his opportunity in earnest, pulling one of Jim’s hands away from his chin and kissing each of the fingers softly, gently, cold lips against Jimmy’s knuckles.

Their eyes meet each other’s and they’re both crying and laughing and-

“I’m sorry,” Jimmy says, wiping the tears from Scott’s eyes. 

“You really apologize too much,” Scott laughs, pulling Jimmy close to him. He wants to melt away forever, he wants to fall into Scott and never leave.

“We’re both so stupid,” Jimmy laughs against Scott’s chest, strong arms cradling him so gently he’s going to break.

“I think that one might be on me, petal.” The affection in Scott’s voice is so genuine, so overflowing and real, that Jimmy breaks down into a fresh onslaught of tears, relief and anguish and months and months of yearning packed into a single shaking moment, together in each other’s arms, tears and laughter and finally, finally a solid understanding between the two of them as Scott gently presses his lips to the crown of Jimmy’s head.

“Do you want to finish the rest of the episode?” Scott asks. Jimmy nods against him, sniffling quietly away at his tears.

“Yeah.”

#robert aeor high au #IVE WAITED SO FUCKING LONG FOR THIS UPDATE #and here ya go #voilaaaa #flower husbands #empires smp #empires #trafficshipping #jimmy solidarity #solidaritygaming #solidarity #jimmy #jimmy solidaritygaming #scott smajor #smajor1995 #smajor #dangthatsalongname #bekyamon (mentions of) #AUTHOR FELIX STRIKES AGAIN #this is NOT the last chapter btw. things still need to get worked out w/owen... #dont worry i still have a little bit more planned #its gonna be about 13 chapters in total #so only a few left! #and then we dive into my desert duo fic... #which i am SUPER excited about btw :3

[jackienautism]

saw someone call re3make jill valentine a brat and i havent been the same since

(rant under cut. was just gonna rant in the tags but i reached the limit LOL)

take everything i say w/ a grain of salt. since i havent played the og re3 nemesis or re5 andits been a while since i played the remake. i just finished playing re1 though

ANYWHO. this person basically said smth along the lines of. old game jill was noble and kind yet still human. while remake jill ws just a bitter bitch w/ a shit personality. [jill voice] ARE YOU KIDDING ME? ARE YOU /FUCKING/ KIDDING ME?

LIKE. i dont know what goddamn gamesw e played but jill in re1? her personalitu is nonexistent!!!!! maybe its the misogynistic tendencies of the game maybe its the subpar voice acting and writing thats throwing me off BUT. i reaaaaaally dont think there's anything special that stands out abt re1 jill

i get theyre probably just bitter over them remaking a beloved old game or w=fuucking whatever but GOD@!!!!!!! sorry tht jill was rightfully being a little bitter bitch towards a group thats been making her life hell for th past who knows how many months! ILIKE. jill didnt watch almost all her friends and colleagues DIE and get betrayed TWICE in re1 JUST to act friendly towards anything associated with umbrella. yeah ofc barry def made up for it after doing what he did w/ wesker but GOD tyou think jill is going to easily trust anyone aftee that whole debacle? ESPECIALLY it being between 2 STARS members? aka people she THOUGHT she could trust without any afterthoughts? NO!

hr acting like an asshole makes sense for the trauma she experienced in re1 AND what she went through prior to re3! umbrella has purpoisely been making her paranoid due to the information she has and investgations shes been conducting iirc…. and they even make a whole ass bioweapon to track her down and kill her LOL I DONT THINK SHES GONNA BE VERY FRIENDLY WITH UBCS….. LIKE BE FOR REAL DOG an d also carlos' unnecessary dcomments and advances towards jill that she made VERY CLEAR were unwanted and uncomfortable? she has every right to be mean and retaliate

like. i think jill had every right to be a 'bitter brat' towards these people LMAO and even despite ALL THAT.... sjhe STILL decides to stick with the group and work with them…. because why? THE SAKE OF THE TRUTH GETTING OTU IS AT STAKEq!!!!!!!! at this point. jill def couldnt give LESS of a shit abt her own life. hell. look at how shes been living for the past few months! what matters is the whistle FINALLY getting blown on umbrella.... adn thats what she displays by working with UBCS! aka a group she has ZERO trust in! she shows how much she CARES..... albeit in the mosr destructive way but. this talk about lack of nobility and sense of justice is such bullshit LOL

and the funny thing is? SBE WAS RIGHT TO NOT TRUST THEM..... THEIOR MISSION WAS TO KILL DR BARD AKA THE ONLY PERSON IIRC WHO HAD AN ANTIDOTE TO THE VIRUS..... jill jhas MORE than enough reason to act wikth abhorrence when it comes to UBCS, so yeah, MAYBE its a bit frustrating rto wtahc the way she acts but FUCK does it make SOO MUCH SENSE.... she didnt go through + hasnt been going throughALL THAT just to be brushed off as unreasonably bitter

like yeah thr whole kindness thing was thrown out the window but sometimes.... that's what happens when you're put through a bunch of garbage out of your control...... it HARDENS you it WEARS YOU DOWN....... and jill experiencing this pipeline fits w/ all the bullshit she lived through

and just saying but it would’ve been Looooooads better and funnier if jill remained a little bitch for the entirety of the game. like. it’s just ? more in character for her, esp for what little character / context we’re given at the VERY beginning. her remaining snarky and shit would’ve made more sense… especially considering her situation AND how we’re meant to perceive her… she doesn’t seem like someone who’d just throw away her initial (CORRECT, BTW) opinion / instinct all because of one (1) save from some dude… it just doesn’t make sense

any normal human being would’ve acted the way jill did towards them?????? like? especially after reading about and only IMAGINING the intense and awful shit she must’ve been subjected to both while in and out of stars. i’m SORRY but one gesture (even if it WERE saving her life) from some random guy i just met isn’t going to magically erase all the trauma i faced from umbrella themselves???? like UGH god fucking hell. i understand that you can only make something such as a video game so long or so short but come ON man!!!!!! if you SERIOUSLY want to include this sort of development in a game like resident evil, ever heard of this thing called good pacing? FNSHCJSKKFS like??????? even within game this all would have occurred under 24 maybe even under 12 hours???????? it’s just. in no way in under ANY circumstances is this sort of change of opinion realistic! esp not for jill and what she’s had to go through! like [jill voice] BITCH your corporate overlords have been making my life HELL for the past who knows how long! i may be fine with Carlos the Person, but i am NOT fine with Carlos in UBCS. and until that title is separated from your name, i will Not be associating with you outside of this mission!

like it makes sense that jill would so quickly comply bc 1. her life is in danger and sticking w these guys may increase her survival thus getting the truth That Much Closer to exposure and 2. her cooperation may help tons of lives… and of course she’s not going to turn away from saving others. soooo. and just to clarify, jill’s own life is obv the LEAST of her concerns here. like. the only reason why she’d prob want to stay alive is bc. she has all this dirt on umbrella! dirt that NEEDS to reach the light of day! that’s prob one of the ONLY reasons why she hasn’t given up completely, the information that ONLY she has and so it HAS to make it to the people!!!!! if it’s Huge and Important enough for umbrella to create a whole ass fucking buffed BIOWEAPON bitch to hunt down the remaining stars members? yeah. i have a feeling it’s incredibly important for the world to know

and just. in a writing sense? i think it would’ve been much more entertaining if jill kept that act up until like idk they realized that hm. i don’t think i wanna be associated w these bitches (umbrella) anymore. regardless, on the other hand, i still can def see jill’s demeanor softening as the game progresses (esp after she bonds w the people themselves and NOT the platoon members. and after they help each other out) but like overall? i just. i can’t see her letting her guard down that easily! it just isn’t fucking right! or realistic! it’s a bunch of bullshit actually!

AND ITS ONLY WITH THE GIRLS TOO..... GIRLS CAN NOT ACT IN RESPONSE TO THEIR LIFE AND BRAIN ALTERING TRAUMA WKITHOUT BEING DEEMED AS ABUSIVE OR BITTER OR A BITCH..... THE SAME FUCKING THIGN HAPPENED TO THE FANDOM'S PERCEPTION OF MIA IN RE8 LMAO......

i WANT more girls to be bitter! to be upset! to be assholes! to be nasty! to be little shits! whether justified or not! i WANT more girls to be different from the cookie cutter safe depictions everyone EXPECTS a women to be! and don't get me wrong resident evil is FAR from accomplishing this goal LMAO i just believe jill is and COULDVE been such a great example

this went all over the place (i copy and pasted another note of mine discussing the topic while also adding new thoughts) but in conclusion: let jill valentine be a little bitch. there's nothing wrong w/ her being a little bitch. i ENCOURAGE her to be a little bitch. it makes sense for her character and what she's gone through, and while criticizing her demeanor is valid, taking her behavior out of (very much needed) context isn't ok or right. and sayinf that she lost all her nobility and sense of justice is just straight up wrong. jill did everything she did in the re3make BECAUSE she cared more for the lives of others, her own personal feelings clearly meant nothing, seeing how she still helped UBCS out despite her inital harsh reaction to them.

#jill valentine #mine #started playing re3 again... wanna try and get the rest of the achievements #may elaborate more later. but for now. here #wrote the bulk of this on 2/12/23 #[emma mountebank voice] ok :) i’m done #my thoughts #my RE tag #RE #RE3 #my jill tag #text

[madwickedawesome]

ok so i kinda wanna see if the lyrics i associate with them are accurate or not?? but here are a few songs + lyrics which i associate w them based on my few interactions w them

call it what you want - ‘i want to wear his initial on a chain round my neck / not because he owns me but because he really knows me’

the 1 - ‘i persist and resist the temptation to ask you if one thing had been different would everything be different today’

tolerate it - ‘i know my love should be celebrated but you tolerate it’

exile - ‘your not my homeland anymore so what am i defending now?’

state of grace - ‘so you were never a saint and i loved in shades of wrong / we learn to live with the pain mosaic broken hearts’

cardigan - ‘you drew stars around my scars but now i’m bleeding’

feel free to brainrot or infodump on me if any of these fit!!

OMG OK IM EXCITEDDDDDD😊😊😊😊😊

call it what you want - THATS SO REAL.i cant decide if its more aziraphale or crowley. ok THATS EVER SO SLIGHTLY MORE CROWLEYCORE just bc of.. recent events…. and also bc of Something i read recently🙂

the 1 - already 100 points for the word temptation also thats litwrally season 2 fuck my stupid baka life.

tolerate it - i feel like if crowley (immediately after s2) found out about this song he would pass out and then wake up and cry himself to discorporation (its perfect)

exile - THIS IS ALSO SOO SO REAL. i feel like this is both aziraphale meeting demon crowley and fighting between his admiration for them and his devotion to heaven . and also Kind Of crowley immediately after Certain Events😊 but MOSTLY religious trauma azi

state of grace - YEGAGH. YEYA. yeah. THIS IS LITERALLY SEASON 2 MY LIFE SUCKS.this is both of them because they can never talk and they will do nothing but break up 🤬

cardigan - is tuis the one from tiktok.this Is them and if it were to be either of them we know it would be crowley 🙁

ok so basically ur spot on and im going to Get Yoy.

[badlcorpaus]

Some more headcanons I might not get to share otherwise

At some point, we (me and @bad-lobcorp-aus) decided Ayin saw the labcoat (accidentally titled lobcoat by me) as a comfort item.

Related to above: I headcanon the lobcoat was incorporated or otherwise kept around by each of the Ayinspawn; Adam took it apart and probably used it to make the robe, Abram is very clearly wearing it, and Abel either wears it under that pinstriped suit of his or keeps it on a stand in his room.

On that note: the Ayinspawn probably each have personal living spaces we never see. This is pretty obvious though, if you take the interpretation they’re all previous clones of Ayin.

I can’t remember how many suppressions Abel completed in my timeline, but Abram got stalled on Tiphereth after failing both Gebura and Chesed’s suppressions; quote: “the sight of lisa wailing atop a mountain of enoch’s dead bodies convinces him in one blow that none of this was ever worth it.”

Adam, on the other hand… that’s a mess of it’s own proportions. Iirc, he did complete Chesed’s and maybe Tiphereth’s suppressions, and he definitely completed Gebura’s, but he did it by doing the shelter cheese. If you know what the shelter cheese is, then you know it makes the Gebura suppression trivial to complete… but, in universe, this comes at a cost. Iirc, at least one of the reasons the cognition filter is a thing is because otherwise there will be massive trauma to even an adult mind, which, in the City, adults are way too used to the whole gore and murder thing. Well, instances of X aren’t, but w/e. Adam is physically, including the brain structure, a 17 year old. His mind is still developing, memories of being a 40 year old be damned. And it’s been 2 (in-facility) years since his tenure; he was 15 when he was managing! This whole managing thing already probably took a toll on his mind. He had tried to complete the Gebura suppression normally, but at some point he gave up on that.. and used the shelter cheese. Of course, in universe, this is kind of immoral. You’re kind of essentially making Gebura relive her death. And this is what caused Adam to spiral. He had some kind of nervous breakdown during this, and came to the conclusion that Abnormalities are just reflections of humanity’s true forms. Somehow. He is also scared of Gebura.

So in other words, everyone in the facility is all kinds of fucked up.

#lobotomy corporation #not an au #adam lobcorp #abram lobcorp #abel lobcorp #abram lobotomy corporation #gebura lobcorp #ayin lobcorp #lobotomy corporation headcanons

[penanggalan]

I want to kind of post a life update, sorry it's mostly embarrassing and depressing lol. TW: sexual abuse, alcoholism, childhood trauma. About 4 years ago, I split up with my ex (who is still my best friend), and for the first time lived totally alone in my own house. I would still often visit my parents just to sleep in a house with someone else in it, as I not only healed from an ended marriage but hated to sleep alone. I reconnected with my first love from high school when he and his friend messaged me out of nowhere, but they turned out to be drunken users who almost dragged me down with them. Their good traits were gone and their bad ones remained on top of deeply disappointing new ones. My best friend rescued me when she came up and saw how bad it was. I was practically sleeping on a sea of empty beer bottles. Then I went home to find that my dearest pet, Eyeball, had to be put down or suffer a painful death from cancer. I had a period of severe depression when things settled down and I had time and quiet to really reflect on everything that had happened. It felt like when you're running from something so hard it's all just pure instinct fueling you past the point of exhaustion, then once the thing chasing you is gone and you realize you're not going to die, your other emotions kick in and you can't stop crying and reliving it. After a short while, the loneliness got to me again and I then invited someone in who physically abused me, and I decided enough was enough, I was done being desperate from loneliness and hating who I was so much I couldn't bear to be alone with myself. So i started focusing more on gardening, my art, and speaking to almost no one other than my parents and best friend. I cried myself to exhaustion every night, until I noticed it wasn't happening so much anymore, and I was able to sleep alone without it feeling like a nightmare for the first time probably in my life. This was a very VERY big deal for me. Even as a kid, I couldn't sleep alone. I slept with my grandma til I was in probably 2nd grade, then lived with my mom and her boyfriend at the time who fought nightly and not even my radio or singing to myself would cover it up. My mom would read to me, and if I'd wake up when she tried to leave, I'd just start crying and she'd have to come back and read more until I was out. I'd often wake up to her boyfriend in my room uninvited, almost every morning, for years. So yeah, I have bad associations with sleeping alone. I'm 38 and I still sometimes get an icky feeling waking up alone, like he'll be there, and I am still in the habit of pretending to be asleep when I first wake up. But yeah, I started actually... healing. It was an odd feeling. I hadn't let myself heal in so long. It was one bad relationship to another. ANYthing to keep from being alone. Then, 2.5 years ago, I "met" someone truly wonderful, and it was completely unexpected. He had been on my friends list on facebook for MANY years, so I knew he was a great person with good morals, but we barely spoke until I got the courage to comment on his Moomin shirt. He's the most grown up, predictable, kind-hearted person I've ever known, and possibly the first person I've ever known to actually work on their issues and show progress with fixing them, though they're nowhere near as problematic as alcoholism or abuse. It's been a slow process since we can't live together, and since moving with my parents to north GA, we're further from each other than ever. And also, my ability to trust has been somewhat obliterated. But we see each other for about a week every month. And I'm working hard on myself, have grown accustomed to living and sleeping without a partner for the better part of the last 3 years, and am almost starting to learn to love myself. I protect myself, I stand up for myself, say no, and don't let people in my life if I feel a bad vibe. For the first time, I feel actually *ready* to start a life with someone. He's been so patient with me. I'm going to see him in Florida in a few days <3

#life update #update #trauma #abuse #childhood abuse #relationships #personal

[faux-ee]

I posted 3,543 times in 2022

That's 2,736 more posts than 2021!

737 posts created (21%)

2,806 posts reblogged (79%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@kyouka-supremacy

@colourofthekites

@grishaverse-chaos

@chenechen

@akhlys-san

I tagged 1,669 of my posts in 2022

#fyolai - 51 posts

#dabihawks - 50 posts

#bsd - 33 posts

#bungo stray dogs - 19 posts

#personal - 18 posts

#spotify - 17 posts

#asks &lt;3 - 16 posts

#bkdk - 14 posts

#soukoku - 13 posts

#sskk - 13 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#it was so unfeeling and repetitive and like. sir. i can’t relate to ur experiences and u aren’t doing a very good job making me care abt it

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

bungo stray dogs is a piece of media thats so filled with tumblr energy. Its like a collective mass hallucination of famous author fanfiction with just the right amount of derangedness, mental illness, generational trauma and existential crisis. Each and every character gives major gender envy. Everything is enemies to lovers to enemies to freinds to lovers to enemies. Everything the characters do is high-key illegal and everyone agrees that old guys in the government r useless except for this one triple spy who's sleep deprived to a fault. There is a guy who is chronically online and absolutely cannot leave his futon. There's another guy who could write novels in days and is more attached to a racoon than the rest of the world. bram stoker listens to spotify. bsd is the true tumblr-esque media.

Edit: and as it often appears bsd characters become each other's blorbos. They wanna hug each other they wanna see them going through the undying pain of human existence they spin them around in a mental microwave or smth

Edit edit: also tumblrinas love literary analysis and bsd is full of literary motifs

420 notes - Posted December 4, 2022

#4

ranpoe actually foils fyolai bcs when poe had his mind set on killing ranpo he had a moment of realization that he wouldn't know how to live in a world w/o him, and several chapters after he became besties w/ ranpo, but nikolai already knows that fyodor is his intimate friend, there will never be another person like fyodor for him, yet still decided to kill him, bcs he "wants freedom more than any kind of joy"

434 notes - Posted June 29, 2022

#3

Kacchan is the only thing Izuku allows himself to have

and it's why Izuku’s always vague when it came to the intensity of his feelings about Kacchan & why Katsuki at first instinctively pushed Izuku away. 

idk if anyone has done this before, but anyways here's my fav aspect abt BakuDeku's relationship: Izuku's possessiveness over Kacchan and Kacchan only.

So I've been thinking abt Kamino a lot, and specifically two scenes: a) Izuku shouting "Give him back to me!" to Mr. Compress, and b) Izuku's devastated scream after Bakugo was taken away.

Izuku is an extremely selfless person, with only the heart for "saving people". That was part of the reason why he was almost immune to Katsuki's bad attitude towards him: dude doesn't think about himself a whole lot, alright. He's just kind of out of it. An observer. He wants to focus on his own feelings much less than he cares about others.

When have you seen Izuku do something for himself? Sure, he wanted to become a hero, he wrote 13 notebooks' worth of hero analyses. But this may as well only be an exertion of his obsession abt quirks & strategies, because despite all the talk about his dream, he never actually thought to exercise and improve his body strength before he got the OFA.

Here's an idea: Izuku doesn't know how to do things for himself, unless given a larger purpose. He takes little care of his own ambition before taking the world's weight onto his shoulders.

And he is subconsciously avoiding any selfish thinking, especially any private feelings he has about Kacchan, platonic or otherwise. 

He doesn't know what has triggered the blackwhip; can't remember what Kacchan told him before almost sacrificing himself to save him; doesn't remember whatever made him go berserk in battle. He acted like none of this emotional turmoil he experienced happened at all and went back to being this people-saving, smiling sunshine every. single. time. Even after Kamino, his first thought was Kouta, except that after Todoroki mentioned Katsuki, the light returned to his eyes and he finally broke down. 

Izuku actively avoids thinking about anything that causes strong emotions to erupt in him, yes, but more importantly, even when he is recounting these experiences to others, he omits whatever part that concerns Kacchan (i.e. when he told his classmates “I couldn’t save what was in front of me” - right, but Izuku, why are you describing Kacchan as if he is just anyone else instead of the person you have looked up to for all your life?)

He doesn’t allow himself to be selfish, to be partial, to treat Kacchan as somone special even when that’s what he does (notice how he’s always going like “Kacchan and the others”). 

Let’s look at what he said to Mr. Compress again: “Give him back to me!”

Didn’t he almost sound like a child who was robbed of his favorite toy? 

Why would he feel such possessiveness over Kacchan, though? 

Kacchan is Izuku’s Symbol of Victory, right? Izuku follows him, admires him, idolizes him (”closer to me than All Might, this amazing person in my life”). Here it is: Kacchan has been somewhat of an idol to Izuku, the incarnation of victory. 

Kacchan was part of Izuku’s definition of heroism; and heroism, to Izuku, is almost like a religious belief. He draws strength from it, uses it to cope with the pain of being quirkless, and admires All Might as one might do any deity. 

I’m going to go a little further here: when one prays to whatever deity one believes in, one is often praying to this concept inside one’s head, and taking what one needs from this private connection. Similarly, Izuku feels possessive over Kacchan because the latter to him is something of a god-like character, from the attachment to whom Izuku draws his desire to win. To Izuku, Kacchan is not just the Symbol of Victory. It’s his Symbol of Victory. 

Katsuki is his. His sun, his god, his drive to win. 

Izuku, who is so selfless that he rarely wants things for himself, doesn’t want to acknowledge that he can, in fact, be a little selfish when it comes to Kacchan. 

Meanwhile, as Mr. Compress had stated, Bakugo doesn't belong to anybody. And with such a big ego Bakugo would hate to be anything but independent. Something about Izuku made him want to keep his childhood friend at arm's length; he felt as if Izuku was stronger than him, looking down on him - and where does he get this feeling? Because Izuku offered to help him once at four? Stood up to him a couple of times?

There is another dimension to it, I think: it was also because Izuku had always followed him. And Katsuki, being the kind to always over-think, could mistake Izuku's possessiveness for Izuku seeing himself above him.

If an independent person ever finds himself on the receiving end of such possessiveness, he would feel chained, scared, and pissed off. Don't come, Deku, I don't want anything to do with you because the way you stick with me as if I belong to you, it almost chains me down. 

Thanks for bearing with my shipping brainrot xD

445 notes - Posted April 8, 2022

#2

B-B-Boyfriend? Like a guy who your body moved on its own for when he was in danger? Who you've grown up with? Activated a whole new quirk for?

550 notes - Posted March 19, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

being invested in bsd is such a unique experience bcs u watch the anime and think oh theres mafia and detectives and terrorists this shit's so hardcore and then u open bsd wan and they r kindergarteners and magical girls and princesses and ur just like. look at my cute little uwus <3 and then u read the manga and was hit with like three different schools of philosophical thoughts and suddenly become interested in classical novels with rlly deep themes and start to develop an existential crisis. its like yeah i watched an anime abt super powers and it all went downhill from there lol

993 notes - Posted June 21, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

[twinvictim]

Cringe nishiki/kiryu post that Im posting while tired and tipsy just scroll really fast bye bye

But going w 0 and into kiwami I get the sense that Nishiki's (up to interpretation disclaimer) romantic feelings for kiryu are one sided and go along with this thing, that is partially known and partially speculated on by me, where he's attached to anyone who'll give him the time of day and be kind to him. I think nishiki must have been old enough to at least sort of remember his parents seeing as he has a younger sister and is way more volatile ab Kazama. (He doesn't tell kiryu why he shoots Kazama but I think it's probably bc he found out ab the whole murdered ur parents thing, and that coupled with how Kazama constantly put him down and gave him impossible tasks and put Kiryu on this pedestal well. You deserve to get shot sorry old man) ((also side note I forgot to put in ab nishiki telling kiryu this but without explaining bc he wants kiryu to reject him as this. Confirmation bias. Even tho he's still unsure and conflicted I thibk))

So i get the sense he's way more direcrly traumatized by losing someone he actually remembers to some degree. (Idk if that's true! That's just what I gather based on his personality & backstory) so he's terrified of being rejected or abandoned by kiryu and takes everything AS rejection. It's funny to make fun of his little tantrum ab kiryu not wearing the suit they picked out together even tho he thought it was tacky but even that's kinda sad yknow? (Plus HE starts wearing a white suit after that. Ok)

I do think there's like genuine feelings there aside from all the trauma clingy shit tho like he still looks up to him and 0 really shows this ride or die additude. Even when he feels kiryu abandoned him (sorta literally in the woods lmao) he still comes back and refuses to leave him be and the bond is there and it means so much to him. The man fistfights Majima bc he thinks he might be a threat to kiryu, and that is mostly bc both parties are fucking idiots who can't talk to people normally but whatever it's sweet anyways. Hell his fight is harder as Majima in 0 than it is in kiwami

And like in kiwami I think there is some resentment that comes with the. Everything sure, I think it's there but I don't think it's the only thing or even the biggest thing with him. Obviously most of his character is the feeling of being a failure, and he feels like no matter ehat he does he's constantly failing, failing to live up to people he feels he's indebted to, kazama, kashawagi and yumi and most importantly kiryu. (And yeah. I do think they just kinda tried to pretend not gay lol by having nishiki say he had feelings for her like that but a) they never show this and b) the one scene that kinda would imply it in the flashback mostly just seems like he's vying for any attention and scared either kiryu or yumi will decide they don't care about him. It's less I want yumi and more I'm terrified that either of you will find someone to replace me even if it's eachother)

Like this debt to kiryu is both for taking the fall and trusting him to keep yumi safe and telling him to be strong and help his sister and all of these things kinda fall apart. The one person he cares the most about is gone for a very long time, yumi goes missing and he feels it's his fault or he failed there, and despite his struggling and begging and everything he tried to do for her his sister still dies. And that resentment does sort of come from everyone constantly shitting on him and comparing him to kiryu, but it also comes from it all being too much to handle and him knowing to some degree it was unfair for all this to be saddled on him even if this isn't kiryus fault. It also comes from still feeling too weak to handle anything. Which is really why he pulls the trigger on himself anyways, to finally feel like he's doing something for kiryu instead of making up for what kiryu tried to do for him.

(I'll die on the hill he kept the ring for if not only kiryu but to remember both of them. They didn't put it in but yumi was almost as close and important to him. Its just that kiryu's the only one that really has romantic implications even if they meant it the other way round.)

And all this tells me that nishiki has this one sided unrequited and very complicated set of feelings that I don't really think kiryu had, except going into kiwami 2 you're faced with A Lot of reminders and references to nishiki which. Uh kinda imply he DID feel similarly, tho perhaps without all that codependency. (And yeah kiwami 2 has a bunch if not all of this added to it from the og but shhhh I kneo new fans are annoying and I'm one of them so :) )

Even if u bypass some of the Jokey ones that I'm kinds half saying are ab nishiki as a joke (tho those are? A lil specific and thus a little suspect) alot of side stuff really implies kiryus feelings are similar. Most glaringly restart from tonight being. A love song. Explicitly. In the style of majima's song ab him n Makoto which is Obviously somewhat romantic (bc of course it is. Not that I dislike it at all I love it very much but yknow) so...there is that and yes in universe these are songs that just exist but he kinda just. Thinks ab nishiki everytime so, shrug

The hostess mini game in this game is like 0s but they're fairly flirty and basically dates so it's, something for him to bring up how much nishiki meant to him while on a date w Shoko, (also @ shoko I feel like drawing Manga based on ur boss and his dead best friend is probably crossing boundaries but I would like to See It Please)

But like more seriously I main campaign mode kiryu is doing that thing where he just shoulders responsibility for everything that has Ever Happened and explicitly says that nishiki's debts and problems are his now. (Also what does closer thsn brothers mean. In terms of like. Gang lingo what does that MEAN kiryu. Kiryu are you discovering things ab yourself sir) and it's like he found nishikis presence and overwhelming support to be comforting, for all nishiki does to be kind of pathetic he's honest and kiryu can read that even if he's not emotionally able to respond well. Nishiki goes out of his way in 0 to ignore what kiryu tells him about distancing himself (bc kiryu does figure that's the best way to keep him safe and he needs him safe, and denies that nishiki could want to help and that kiryu could need his help) and I think that comes as some relief to kiryu bc he won't ask for help but I think he does want to know somebody is there to back him up. He can't actually shoulder the weight alone and nishiki would be there whatever he could and he had ideas and distractions and the like. I think he lost alot more than just his friend. And I think that year after the fact shows that. He seems very lonely.

And maybe kiryu just misses his friend but idk maybe he did think that everyone always had a friend they could always expect to be there, and that feeling that this person made them invincible, someone that was closer than family, and that was normal. Idk it's not unheard of, he's not very smart.

I think alot of kiryu's regrets w nishiki come from being unwilling or unable to be honest with how he felt, and that guilt that comes from putting too much on both of them, but nishiki especially. Maybe he wishes he could try again. Idk. Restart perhaps.

#entries #yakuza #dont take this like 100% seiously i just like them i want things 2 be nice for them yes #and reslly. i do love nishiki sm. #i csnt put into words why kiryu just has sadder vibes in k2 thsn before which makes sense but it still contributes to :( #incoherent dont get made at me if you dont like the post. consider. jsut enjoying the post anyways

[weirdsht]

kahalangdon . 4

a/n: idk which one is longer this chapter or chapter 2

Warnings: hints of abuse, trauma, and ptsd

English isn’t my first language so there will be grammatical errors

Pls don't repost my work anywhere without my permission

If there's something missing in the warnings let me know so I can add it

Any form of interaction toward the post is appreciated <333

kahalangdon

(means dignity in deep tagalog)

Parental figure Cale Henituse, Parental Figure Alberu Crossman, Reincarnated child Reader

prev . next

masterlist

Cale, no Kim Rok Soo is the type of person that just adjusts and goes along with whatever’s happening. He's someone that’s rarely shaken no matter what life throws at him. But this was just too much.

‘I’m going to smack that God of Death later and have Cage curse him’

But no matter how flexible one is, living beings will always come face to face with disadvantageous things. That thing has now come face to face with Cale.

Ever since he saw the kid’s face that’s residing in his sworn brother’s arms, he knew in his soul who that kid is. How could he forget the very last person that slipped away from his hold before transmigrating as Cale Henituse. She may have been reincarnated but she looks and sounds the same as the kid Cale knew and cared for back on Earth, and when she slowly muttered “Rok Soo-hyung” his heart leaped.

Cale still needs to stay vigilant, no matter what his heart and soul tells me, he must put logic above first. Maybe it was him being in disbelief, maybe in denial, no matter Cale thinks that he made a sound decision. Thus why he decided to first sit and observe.

“Ahem I may be someone who’s been confined for a long time but I am not that naive. I think I have an idea on why I am brought here and I’m willing to cooperate. Just please don't expect too much from me as they also tell me, a kid, pretty much nothing.”

‘I see she’s still sharp and witty. Although she’s speaking as though she wasn’t admiring the setting and the characters of the novel this came from a few minutes ago’

He couldn’t help and suppress a chuckle as he listened to what this cute kid had to say. Cale wouldn’t usually describe something as cute, but he thinks this one time is warranted since she’s acting based on how he taught her before.

[Human, this baby dragon is also great and mighty! Too bad we already decided that she’ll be under the kind crown prince’s care]

Raon’s words felt like a bucket of iced water to Cale. Due to the longing he was trying to suppress, he nearly forgot about the deal that went on before they met the child. Nevertheless Cale is good at suppressing so the conversation went smoothly.

Questions after questions came, some easy to answer, some she didn't even know existed. Still, the brave little girl in front of Cale tried to answer all the questions they had.

Things went on for longer than they had taught but all now they had more information that could help them. The group was about to leave the room and let the exhausted child rest when Cale pulled them aside.

“I need to talk to her alone, all of you can go on ahead”

“Are you sure Cale-nim?”

“Yes, you too Raon. Maybe you can get some sweets for her, she likes those.”

Choi Han may have his nephew’s memories but he wasn’t with them when they first met the girl. That’s why he has doubts, but decided to trust Cale and his decisions.

“Just promise that you’ll give us an explanation later. I’m going to be the child’s guardian after all so I at least should know this things”

With that the group left to give the two privacy.

For the first time today, Cale took a good look at the child sitting down on the bed the palace workers had prepared. Signs of abuse and malnutrition were visible on her body. Her features and voice may be the same, but at the same time she looks different from the girl Cale and his closest friends from earth raised.

“I.. let me introduce myself to you. I’m Cale Henituse, eldest child and trash of Count, no it’s Duke now, Henituse. Before that, I.. I was first KIm Rok Soo. I was first on earth, I first watched the world turn upside down, I first fought for my survival, and I first brought in a kid that me and two other guys raised not long after I went under Lee Soo Hyuk’s company team.”

There was an uncharacteristic vulnerability in his voice as he spoke. Cale knew who this kid was and he knew that she would understand his words, but that didn’t stop the anxiety from creeping in. The anxiety and guilt that has been gnawing Cale inside-out only seem to worsen as he saw the child look at him with teary eyes.

He knows more than anyone else in this world just how brave this child is. He knows more than anyone the hardships she has gone through back on earth, especially before he met her and took her in. More than anyone in the world, and most especially in this castle he knew what this girl is like. Thus why he also knows just how innocent and vulnerable she really is.

“I- Are you really my hyung? You’re not lying right? You don’t have to mind reading magic or something like that right?”

“It’s me, it’s really me. The one that took you in and the one who introduced you to books.

This is the hyung you used to call lazy as he seem to just read books but still join him on reading until you fell asleep.

The hyung that read the first three volumes of Birth of a Hero with you and laughed as you complain about why isn’t there someone like the protagonist Choi Han to beat up all the monsters back on earth.

It’s me one of older brothers that you refer to as hyung just because it had a nice ring to it

And this hyung is sorry for leaving you to go through all that alone but I promise that you won’t go through that ever again, not on my watch.”

By the time he finished speaking the kid had flung her weak body on him and was sobbing. Incoherent sobs and wailing were probably heard outside the room but neither of them cared.

Soon tears dried up and the conversation continued with the polymorphed girl’s eyes swollen red. Cale listened as she shared everything that happened to her ever since she was born in this world.

How she was scared when she woke up after clearly dying in a new world

How a man who strangely looked like him insisted that he was her father, or at the very least her guardian.

How she was almost deceived and trusted the man

How she learned the cruel reality, and suffered for years under the White Stars watch.

How bad she wanted to cry and almost gave up but remembered what her hyungs taught her

Eyes that were already swollen were filled to brim with tears once more. The years that Cale has missed in his child’s life were explained in detail. In turn, Cale also shared his experience of what happened to him throughout the years they were apart.

What happened to him after she died

What books he read and continued in her stead

What he did instead of grieving as that was a luxury in their world

What are his goals

What he did right after learning he was now Cale Henituse

What mess he committed to achieve his slacker life dreams

What trashy actions he committed in front of the nobles

Everything, just everything that came to his mind he told her. Like that the two of them caught up with each other. Wounds weren’t healed but they stopped stinging for the time being.

The moment that Cale said to his group turned into minutes. Minutes turned into hours and just like that two of them fell asleep with no regard whatsoever to the world.

#kahalangdon #trash of the count's family #cale henituse #lout of the count’s family #tcf #lcf #alberu crossman #tcf x reader

[chainofclovers]

Ted Lasso 2x6 thoughts

I felt like the physical embodiment of a series of iconic reaction GIFs while watching this episode. I felt like Higgins gagging on air and right and wrong choices. As an invested, non-casual Ted Lasso viewer, I feel quite absorbed in the experience of every episode, but I’m not usually a LOUD non-casual Ted Lasso viewer. At one point last night, I shouted “This is the wackiest show ever made!” at @bristler, and that doesn’t even sound like something I would say. And by “wacky” I just meant “all the emotions are happening at once.”

This episode was absolutely great and I knew that every single Rebecca Welton feeling I have would intensify because of this episode and that is exactly what happened.

This is me bravely writing down my episode thoughts after only one viewing (just like last week) and a bad night of sleep! Copious spoilers and emotions ahead...

This show goes all in on hats! A lot of bad hats for giving bad relationship advice and making bad decisions! Feel like you’re gonna do something correctly? Just put on a bad hat, that’ll snap you right out of it. Just had a revelation that you are almost certainly in an abusive relationship? Your girlfriend is hiding in the parking lot with a terrible hat for you! (I love this show.)

Dark forest dark forest dark forest dark forest.

I truly, truly, truly do not mean this to sound judgmental of any other fan, but it’s taking everything in my power not to just type “dark forest” in the comments of every person who is outraged that LDN152 is not Ted.

Gonna get my initial thoughts on the Sam=LDN152 reveal out of the way. I honestly like this choice.

First, I like this choice because of who LDN152 isn’t. I think about how awful it would be if she’d matched with Rupert and realized she’d been manipulated by him and charmed by him all over again, and how, when she gets the same reveal the audience already has, she would end up retraumatized by having been charmed and taken in by Rupert all over again. I think about her matching with Nate (if he’d redownloaded the app) and the inadequacy of her assertiveness advice and how Nate is one of the only non-Rupert characters who’s used sexist language against her and how Nate’s insecurities would be like water trying to co-exist with the oil of Rebecca’s insecurities. Nate and Rebecca are fond of each other and seem to want to be in each other’s lives, but a romantic squishing together via dating app would set them both back lightyears. I think about her matching with Ted, a man currently on a parallel-to-Rebecca trek through a very painfully dark forest, a man swinging wildly between performative attempted wit and utter panic. A man she trusts with her professional and personal challenges. [Her challenging mother comes to town and Keeley and Ted are the people she wants with her at lunch.] Ted and Rebecca, with all their current limitations, and with all the ways the forest obscures the view, are trying to be there for each other in their real, non-romantic comedy versions of their lives, and the discomfort of matching on an app seems like the kind of thing that would make them rear back from each other instead of bringing them even closer together. It is not time. It is so profoundly not time that I would have been furious if the writers had continued the “maybe it’s Ted?” line of thought for another second longer than they did.

Second, I like this choice because of who Sam is. I know. He’s not an appropriate match for her. The power dynamics are all messed up and their ages are all wrong. But this does introduce a potentially interesting parallel between Rupert and his younger women and the scrutiny Rebecca would risk herself and Sam experiencing if she goes for it. Rebecca seems to have tried to put away her Rupert-related trauma, but the specter of Rupert is lurking, and I do see that being a good person making an ethically complicated decision with another good person is very different from being an abuser setting out to take advantage of multiple people...but there are parallels she might have to reckon with. Also, Sam is a kind person with a strong ethical center and a well-documented interest in Rebecca. He and Ted helped each other feel more at home in London during a time of deeply missing other homes, and Sam has internalized a lot of Ted’s ways of living in a way that might genuinely appeal to Rebecca even if she doesn’t fully realize why. The writers on this show don’t write messes for the sake of drama. They write messes because life is painful and complicated and also very funny. I’d be shocked if, however this Bantr thing plays out, it isn’t painful and complicated and also funny.

(I am already a little worried that whatever happens next is going to activate some very ironic fan reactions given this is a show whose thesis statement is about withholding judgment. This fear is based not on Ted Lasso-specific knowledge but on unfortunate patterns of fandom, but...you can fear the impact of racist, sexist, and ageist tropes on two beloved characters without embodying those tropes as a viewer. You can watch characters make decisions that could subject them to harmful scrutiny without performing that harm yourself.)

Ted Lasso is a fictional character who tweeted about the joy of eating out (you know...at the Crown and Anchor) the day before 2x6 launched and during 2x6 Rebecca invited him to eat out at the Crown and Anchor. (I love this show.) I am so, so, so fond of all the little lunch-y things in this episode. Ted can’t bring Henry his lunch because he’s “at work” aka living in London. Ted and Beard surprise each other with secret sandwiches on Fridays. Rebecca is overwhelmed by her mother’s visit (her mother’s performance of a harmful pattern) and wants Keeley and Ted there. The scene at the Crown and Anchor, as painful as all the divorce/separation feelings were, was also so homey and lovely in terms of these characters being friends, being at home in a place despite the very not-at-home feelings emanating from Deborah. The Bake-Off viewing! Ted being the designated driver (probably a good thing on this particular day)! Rebecca feeling discomfort but not shutting down! Also cute British pub feelings. Evidence that Rebecca has talked to her mom about Ted! About personal things about Ted!

Naaaaaaate. His bursts of confidence and insight. The pain and insecurity and anger almost literally bubbling under the surface.

I cannot say enough good things about Higgins. He’s grown so much, and his decision to be honest with Beard regarding his concerns about Jane was absolutely impeccably done. Many, many trusted people in Higgins’ life told him not to do it. They are all good people, and they were all wrong. Sometimes one human being’s honesty makes the difference for someone who is struggling, and that’s exactly what happened here. Beard truly heard Higgins. And of course he didn’t immediately break things off with Jane. But he heard Higgins, and when Jane showed up Beard’s face looked different than it ever has, and Higgins words are with him as he walks off into the night with Jane and that might save him. And Rebecca witnessed it.

And I’m so glad she witnessed Higgins’ choice in the midst of this very difficult experience of a) trying to find Ted because she knows he’s in pain and being unable to and b) watching her mother repeat a pattern that Rebecca herself was able to break. It taught me so much about Rebecca. The way she was punished (and described the experience using the language of punishment) for having an honest reaction to her mother’s decision to leave her father the first time. The way she was taught that love is conditional, that love and reconciliation are things you can purchase with gifts. The way her mother uses the language of self-help without internalizing what it would take to heal, and probably has little use for actual therapy. The way her mother drinks alcohol as a way to feel free.

I don’t even know how to think, much less write, about everything with Roy’s coaching and his image and how Ted feels about it and all the fatherhood things Jamie brings up and all the fatherhood things Ted is missing w/r/t Nate and everyone except for Rebecca taking at face value (or willfully deciding to take at face value) the idea that Ted’s panic attack is actually just him needing to go barf up a fish pie. Ted hugging his backpack in Sharon’s office. Rebecca trying to find him, and Sharon being the one who does. The words “I wanna make an appointment” being the words that conclude the episode at the exact midpoint of the planned-for show. Halfway through the middle season. The moment Ted realizes he’s never going to be okay if he doesn’t give therapy a try.

I also can’t say enough good things about the moment with the team and Sharon, the way she agrees to one drink, the way it’s clear that she adores them all. Sharon is exacting and professional without being cold and calculating, and everything she does in this episode is such a gorgeous model of assertiveness, patience, and moderation...three things Ted struggles with the most.

What a dark forest. What an excellent group of humans.

#ted lasso #ted lasso s2 spoilers #ted lasso 2x6 #meta by me #a lesbian watches ted lasso