#Destielmonth Day 1: First
10 First Times Cas didn't know + 2 that he did
One.
The first time that Dean sees him, he is scared shitless.
A thing that is strong enough to drag him out of hell and fry Pam's eyes out? Yeah. He's scared shitless, alright. But he's still a Winchester. And his daddy taught him not to show creatures his fear. “They feed on it, son”, he'd say.
So Dean stares straight ahead and he cocks his gun and he hopes that the trenchcoated thing can't read the terror in his face. It can't. Yet.
Eventually, he'll learn to recognize and navigate even the smallest details of Dean's facial expressions. But right then, as he walks down that barn, all Castiel sees is the stunningly bright soul of a stupidly stubborn man shooting at him.
Two.
The first time the angel makes Dean laugh, his cheeks hurt for half an hour. Castiel doesn't seem to understand what's so funny, so Dean gives up on trying to explain.
Three.
The first couple of times he flirts with Cas it's a joke. The next few is testing the waters. The next hundred times is just pathetic. But he can't manage to stop himself.
Four.
The first time that Dean prays to him, he doesn't know what else to do. It wasn't faith that made him do it, as Cas had thought. It was desperation.
After that, it becomes a nervous habit. Like biting his nails or pacing the room as he takes a call. Thinking out loud to the angel helpes him untangle the convoluted web of thoughts that would otherwise run amok inside his brain.
He never tells Cas how much it soothes him when he answers. Or how he pours himself an extra drink when he doesn't.
Five.
The first time Dean lets himself stare a second too long into those ocean blue eyes, his mind short-circuits a little. Somehow his mouth waters and dries at the same time, he's paralyzed by the heat in that stare, and suddenly all that exists is blue and warm and Cas and want.
If his brain stops working every time Cas looks at him for more than two seconds for the next ten years, that's just a coincidence. Nothing to be alarmed about, and certainly not something Cas needs to know about. Yet.
Six.
The first time Dean sees Cas' angel form, he's a demon himself. His brain short-circuits even harder as he immediately imagines how hot the angel/demon sex would be.
Cas doesn't need to know about that either.
Seven.
The first time Dean jerks off smelling the dirty trenchcoat Cas left behind, he cries immediately afterwards.
He doesn't pray while still crying.
Eight.
The first time they go to Purgatory, Dean wrecks the place just to find him. The second time, he wrecks himself.
Both times he does find his angel. So, it's worth it.
Nine.
The first time Dean loses Cas, it damn near breaks him.
Ten.
The first time Dean hears Cas say “I love you”, it does break him.
One.
The first time Dean kisses his angel after rescuing him from the Empty, it pulls him back together again.
He's scared shitless. And it's bloody and sweaty and fucking perfect. And Cas deserves to know. So.
Two.
That is first time Dean tells Cas that he loves him too.
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