#cordelia's thoughts (it has a lot of those) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

stayevildarling · 21 days

Note

It’s me again with another prompt idea 😅 Since today is April Fools Day (which I don’t like personally but I thought of an idea) I thought about an idea where Mina, Delia and Reader are in a relationship and the reader plans an April fools prank for her girlfriends but it backfires? Some angst, but definitely also fluff and definitely happy ending please ☺️

Cordelia Goode x Billie Dean Howard x Wilhemina Venable x Reader- Exile

second request: Hello, you are a great writer I enjoy your work lots! Could you maybe write a story with Cordelia x Wilhelmina x Billie x Reader where Reader is learning a new spell and she gets hurt or something along those lines? Thank you. You are great!

A/N: I'm sorry but I had to merge those two requests because it works so well. I've added Billie to the original request <3 I'm not the biggest fan of this, it feels a bit rushed but oh well

tw: cursing, violence, mention of blood, mention of death, angst + fluff

word count: 4k

taglist: @lunaticwhittaker, @billiebeanhoward, @lanawinters-ily, @kenzbro, @minaslittleone, @httpfiftyshadesofgay,@whitelotus00, @ninaahs, @vintagepaulson,@isle-of-earle,@paulsonsratched, @stepintomyworld, @grilledcheeseandguavajelly, @lucyintheskywithxanax, @fanfics4world, @mymiraclewitch, @hazard-to-myself, @awritersometime, @ohrwurm26, @wastdstime

As the sun dances around the academy, illuminating the white rooms and hallways in beautiful oranges and yellows, you find yourself in front of Cordelia's office, a flicker of excitement coursing through your veins as you knock gently.

,,Come in'' Cordelia smiles, being able to tell which one of you is standing outside her office at any given time.

Walking inside and closing the door gently, you take in her features, only having seen her briefly this morning and around the academy today. Stunning as ever, her hair is slightly curled, the perfect amount of makeup, some blush coating her cheeks. As you continue staring, taking in her outfit including a beautiful flower dress, she smiles, seeing you so lost in your thoughts and daydreams.

,,Hey sweetheart'' she greets you, snapping you out of your thinking and pulling you back into the reality of standing in her office.

,,Hi Delia'' you beam a little as you approach her. ,,What can I do for you my sweet girl?'' she asks, glancing up from her computer and offering you to sit.

,,I have been thinking'' you begin, having the supreme's full attention as her eyes are on you. ,,Could you teach me a spell?'' you ask, your eyes locking with hers. Her eyebrows raise in surprise a little as you pretty much have perfected most spells by now, your speciality being potions however.

,,Sure what is it?'' she asks before you fiddle nervously with the hems of your sweater. ,,Transmutation?'' you ask, adding your best puppy eyes and smile in the hopes to convince your girlfriend and the supreme.

It only then dawns on her how surprisingly, you have never teleported before. It wasn't uncommon exactly but she completely forgot that you aren't able to do the spell, which she has taught many girls in their times at the academy. Cordelia hesitates, her mouth ajar before she asks ,,Why do you want to learn it sweetheart?''. You pause for a moment, not being able to tell her the real reason and knowing you need to be very convincing so she wouldn't catch on your lies.

,,I just thought it would be fun Delia, besides almost everyone here can do it'' you try, already being able to tell by her features she would deny you any moment.

Cordelia's eyebrows knit together in concern as she listens to your proposal. "Darling, teleportation magic is not something to be taken lightly," she cautions, her tone firm yet gentle. "It's a highly advanced spell, and if not performed correctly, it can have disastrous consequences. I'm not sure it's a good idea for you yet''

You pout slightly at her refusal, disappointed that she doesn't trust your abilities enough. "But Deeeelia, it would be so much fun!" you protest, trying to sway her with your enthusiasm. "I promise I'll be careful, and I'll practice under your supervision. Please, teach me how to teleport'' you practically beg at this point.

Cordelia shakes her head, her expression unwavering. "I'm sorry, darling, but I can't risk your safety," she insists, her voice soft but resolute. "I will teach you another time okay?'' she tries, meeting your eyes with a little head tilt.

Despite her refusal, you can't help but feel a twinge of disappointment. With a sigh, you nod in understanding, getting ready to leave her office, before she gives you a warm smile, feeling bad for denying you but your safety her biggest concern. Defeated and pouty you make your way downstairs, seeing if either of your girlfriends had returned home from working yet, wanting a little cheering up.

But to your disappointment, neither of them are home, Billie still working on her show and Wilhemina at work. As you glance out of the kitchen window, you can see some of Madison and the girls and so you make your way over with a determined glance, as an idea pops into your head.

,,Madison?'' you ask with a beaming smile, the blonde already rolling her eyes, knowing this means you want something from her, as she flicks her cigarette.

,,Could you teach me how to teleport?'' you ask, not wanting and needing to beat around the bush with her.

Her eyebrow raises, almost the same way Cordelia's had before, as she speaks ,,Can't you ask your girlfriend? the supreme?''.

Averting her gaze, you bite your lip ,,She said it's too dangerous'' you admit, the pout slowly returning to your features. ,,Well maybe then you should listen to her'' she states before a smirk creeps it's way to her features, seeing your desperation. ,,There's plenty of books in the greenhouse, just teach yourself it's not that hard'' she explains before shrugging her shoulders and walking off, throwing her cigarette to the floor.

And then it dawns on you how Madison was right, you often used several of the books in the greenhouse and library to teach yourself, especially for your potions. With a determined glance, you make your way to the greenhouse, hoping you could be alone to do your research and definitely hoping Cordelia wouldn't figure out your secret plan.

A while later you find yourself surrounded by the usual greenery, the earthy smell reminding you of home as the greenhouse was basically your second home at this point. You enjoyed spending time there, not only popping in and out whenever you needed something like the other witches. The greenhouse felt special to you, safe to you and as you stand there, you think back to your first kiss with your Delia in that exact spot, before eventually the two of you met your other two loves, medium to the stars and a certain purple obsessed redhead.

Flipping through the pages of a book about the seven wonders, you pretty much find it straight away, putting the book on the table and reading through the words written on the pages: ,,Salire per spatium. The ability to transport yourself instantly throughout physical space. Just pick a spot in the room, envision yourself there, and make it happen''

,,Make it happen'' you think to yourself with an eye roll as you continue reading, knowing it wasn't that easy as you had practiced that same thing a lot of times in the past, focusing your magic on somewhere you wanted to be and it never worked. As the hours pass on, you read some more and then some more until you have eventually read all of the books regarding or including transmutation and lost in your task, you completely missed that the sun had set a while ago.

,,Little one?'' Wilhemina's voice rings through the quiet greenhouse, causing you to jolt a little. ,,Hi Mina'' you smile, quickly putting the books back into the shelf before walking over to greet her. ,,Someone has been busy'' she states with a little chuckle before taking your hand and guiding you inside. ,,What have you been working on little one?'' she asks gently ,,Just some magic stuff you know, nothing special'' you mumble before you hear a chuckle escape the redheads throat. ,,Okay then little one.. dinner?'' she smirks before you nod in agreement and follow her into the dining room where your other two girlfriends wait for you.

,,Hello babydoll'' Billie greets you with a beaming smile, opening her arms. ,,Hi Billie'' you smile, happily letting her soft arms wrap around you before she plasters your face in kisses, causing you to giggle.

After being smothered by Billie, you take a seat next to the redhead, before Delia passes you a plate. ,,Thank you Delia'' you smile gratefully before the four of you fall into a comfortable conversation, Billie talking some about her work and the ghosts she had successfully chased away today, Wilhemina complaining about some new interns she is dealing with at work, that are apparently utterly clueless, causing you and Billie to chuckle a little as Cordelia listens with a raised eyebrow, amused by the redheads antics. ,,What about you babydoll?'' the medium to your left questions. ,,Let me repeat- just some magic stuff you know- nothing special'' Wilhemina mocks your earlier words in a playful way, causing you to smile as your cheeks blush a little, Billie bursting out in laughter.

,,What were you doing in the greenhouse for so long sweetheart?'' Cordelia asks curiously before you avert her gaze. ,,Working on my potions that's all'' you lie, knowing if she found out about you doing research about teleporting, she would scold you and probably be upset. She holds your gaze for a moment, being able to tell you aren't quite honest but she lets it slide, her workload causing her to forget already about your earlier conversation. ,,That was really good Dee'' you praise Cordelia's cooking, ignoring Wilhemina and Billie's eyes meeting and a smirk forming on their lips.

,,It really was Dee'' Billie Dean now playfully mocks before muttering ,,But somehow I'm still hungry... how about you Ms Venable?'' and the redhead simply continues smirking, Cordelia shaking her head in a playful way before your cheeks blush, slowly watching Billie get up, her fingers motioning you to follow her upstairs which of course you comply.

----

It has been two days since you have been researching and trying to learn transmutation. Despite reading every book, asking some of the witches for help, it wasn't working and with each passing second, each failed attempt, the frustration settles in. You had always been stubborn, wanting to make whatever you put into your head possible but it had always been a little tricky with your magic. Standing in the greenhouse, the sun had again set a while ago, your frustration and emotions bubble out of you, causing you to throw the books around the room in anger and frustration. Sighing deeply, you stand there for a second, blinking back some tears, the whole idea starting innocently enough but now you wanted to know, needed to do be able to do it, not to prove it to anyone other than you.

,,Babydoll?'' Billie's voice rings through the quiet greenhouse and with one quick motion you wipe the angry tears from your eyes. The blonde glances around the greenhouse for a second, before walking over, her heels echoing with each step. ,,Are you okay?'' she asks as she approaches, her features and voice laced with concern. You simply nod, not wanting to talk to her about it. The blonde takes your hands into hers before gently whispering ,,Tell me honey'' as she meets your eyes.

Silence follows, only increasing her worry for you before she speaks again ,,Come on my sweet girl, you have been hiding in here for days, what's bothering you?'' she asks so gently and filled with adoration and worry, you just couldn't not tell her. And so with a heavy sigh you begin to speak, filling her in how you have wanted to learn a new spell, how you had asked Delia but she said no, possibly leaving the part out where she said it was too dangerous, telling Billie how you had read every book, tried everything but it wasn't working. The medium frowns a little, wishing she could help you.

,,Why don't you try again for me?'' she tries but you shake your head in defeat ,,It won't work Billie'' you sigh but she encourages you. ,,Come on I believe in you sweet girl''. She positions herself behind you, placing her hands gently on your shoulders, giving you an encouraging pat before whispering ,,You can do it, do what you told me, think about somewhere and close your eyes''. Nodding, you do as you are told, fixing your mind on another point in the greenhouse, inhaling before exhaling deeply and closing your eyes.

Suddenly you disappear right in front of the medium, causing her breath to hitch a little. Panic fills her features before she turns around finding you there with a shocked expression. ,,You did it babydoll'' she beams and squeals at the same time, taking you into her arms. ,,How was that?'' she asks, filled with genuine excitement. ,,A-amazing'' you answer, taken back a little by the fact it actually worked. ,,Told you you could do it'' she states proudly, cupping your cheeks. ,,Personally I think that was due to my talents and the white light spirit of course'' she chuckles and you can't help but playfully roll your eyes. ,,Sure Billie'' you smile before she pulls you into a proud hug.

,,Billie?'' you ask, your voice sounding a little more serious. ,,Can this stay between us for now?'' you ask innocently, fluttering your eyelashes to add to your desired response. ,,I just wanted to surprise the other two'' you admit with puppy eyes. ,,You sure this has nothing to do with April fools coming up?'' the medium questions with a raised eyebrow. You gulp before she smiles ,,Sure babydoll, only if you promise me to be careful for me?'' and you nod seriously at her statement. ,,Promise''.

----

Two weeks pass, and with each passing day, you feel yourself growing more confident in your abilities. You practice in secret, hiding your skills until you feel ready to attempt the spell on your own. Finally, the morning of April Fools' Day arrives, and you're filled with nervous excitement as you prepare to execute the prank that started this whole thing to begin with.

With a deep breath, you focus your energy, channeling the magic within you as you visualize Cordelia's office in your mind. You utter the incantation under your breath, as you cast the spell with all the determination you possess.

Suddenly, the world around you blurs and shifts, and before you know it, you find yourself standing in Cordelia's office, a triumphant grin spreading across your face.

Cordelia looks up from her desk, her eyes widening in surprise as she takes in your sudden appearance. "What in the world?" she exclaims, momentarily startled before breaking into a delighted laugh. "Well, well, well, what do we have here? Someone's been practicing behind my back, haven't they?"

You beam proudly at her, feeling a rush of exhilaration at the success of your prank. "Surprise!" you exclaim, unable to contain your excitement. "Happy April Fools' Day, Cordelia!" you chant, meeting the supremes eyes. Despite her initial shock, Cordelia's face softens into a fond smile as she approaches you, wrapping you in a warm hug. "Well done, darling," she praises, her eyes shining with pride.

,,So this is why you wanted to learn how to teleport darling?'' she questions with a raised eyebrow and you simply avert her gaze, your cheeks coating in red a little. ,,Possibly?'' you whisper, hoping she wouldn't be too upset with you. ,,Happy now?'' she asks, her eyebrow still raised.

,,Definitely but wait til you see me prank Mina and Billie, they are in the garden'' you smirk, that same mischievous smile playing on your features. ,,Sweetheart wait'' she urges, despite the pride she is feeling, still worried about how you ended up learning the spell and wanting to make sure you could do so safely. As you focus your memory on the gardens, you disappear right in front of your girlfriends face, Cordelia rolling her eyes a little at your excitement, before making her way downstairs to watch your pranks on the other two.

Billie Dean stands with Madison and the girls, having a cigarette and out of nowhere you appear behind them ,,Boo'' you whisper, causing the medium to jolt and almost drop her cigarette to the floor. ,,Jesus'' she huffs, smirking a little though as she watches Wilhemina a few feet away from her, seeing as you are already getting ready for your next round. Focusing on the redhead you close your eyes.

,,Y/N'' an excruciating scream follows, Cordelia's heart stopping in her chest as she is almost downstairs. Somehow you must have calculated your next steps wrong, focusing on the black iron fence rather than the spot behind your girlfriend. Wilhemina watches in horror as your lifeless body hangs in the fence, Billie dropping her cigarette, already running over, her heels angrily tapping against the ground.

,,I think I've seen this film before'' Madison mutters to Zoe, remembering a similar incident years ago. Zoe shakes her head, rolling her eyes before running over to you, Cordelia equally on her way.

,,What the hell happened?'' Wilhemina's voice rings through the air, Billie shaking uncontrollably ,,Teleporting, she's been learning to teleport, she must have done it wrong'' the medium states, with shaking hands before at last the supreme joins them, her face filled with horror and shock.

,,Girls get inside now'' the supreme scolds, not wanting any of them to see this. With shaky hands she reaches for you, with a flick of her wrist having the four of you in the greenhouse, your body now on the table. Blood streams everywhere, down the table, Cordelia's shaky hands. Wilhemina watches in terror at your state, not having the smallest clue what just happened. ,,I feel so bad, this is all my fault'' Billie cries, considering she is the one that encouraged you.

Wilhemina carefully scans the blondes features, confusion written across her face. ,,She's been wanting to learn it so bad and then-'' the medium begins before her sobbing betrays her. ,,Then what?'' Wilhemina questions, trying to stay calm. ,,She couldn't do it and I helped her practice'' the medium admits under her girlfriends gazes. ,,You what?!'' the supreme now speaks, her voice laced with anger, despite feeling guilty herself, knowing she could have taught you better and safer.

,,You can fix this right?'' Wilhemina speaks softly, trying to keep calm despite her inner turmoil. Cordelia simply nods, with careful movements hovering her hands over your bleeding body. Gently her face moves closer to you before she closes her eyes and carefully blows on your face, quite literally putting some life back into you.

Silence follows, their hearts beating with fear over you before you choke on the blood that had been building up inside your mouth. Billie gasps both with relief but also shock seeing the blood stream from your mouth. ,,Little one?'' Wilhemina whispers, carefully moving closer to you. Cordelia is quick to fetch a cloth and wipe your mouth, softly and gently guiding you through this and finding your breathing again ,,That's it sweetheart, slow breaths for me'' she instructs.

Finally you open your eyes, seeing your three girlfriends, Wilhemina by your side her face conflicted with pain and relief, Billie's face filled with gratitude and guilt and Cordelia's face simply filled with soft adoration and love for you. Confusion washes over you, not understanding or recalling what had happened. ,,Wha-?'' you try to speak but your voice quickly betrays you, your throat and body in a soaring pain.

,,No sweetie, don't try to talk yet, you need rest'' Cordelia coos, cupping your cheeks gently. With a gentle and swift motion your blonde girlfriend has you in her arms, carrying you safe and soundly through the academy towards your bedroom. Billie and Wilhemina follow closely behind, not a word spoken between the two of them. After finally making it back to the bedroom, the supreme lays you on the bed gently, before leaving to the bathroom for a second. As you lay there, you still cannot recall what happened since teleporting behind Billie Dean.

The pain pierces through your body, every bone hurting, feeling as if your bruised everywhere. Not having the strength to actually observe your body or think, let alone talk, you lay there eyes closed and taking deep breaths. Within seconds Wilhemina and Billie are by your side, as you feel a gentle hand stroke your cheek assuming it's Mina's and another soft but manicured hand holding onto yours and squeezing it a little. Shortly after Cordelia finds you again, with a fresh set of clothes and a wet cloth to clean you.

The next minutes are painful as they help rid your body of the reminder your foolishness had left on it. ,,It's okay sweetie, you are doing so well'' Cordelia coos, as she puts you in some clean clothes, discarding of your blood stained ones. ,,You rest now my sweet girl'' she reminds you before her hands hover over your body once again, this time putting you to sleep, to gently guide you to some rest and letting your body recover from the events.

As soon as you are finally asleep, a long sigh falls from their lips, relieved to see you okay. ,,Delia I-'' Billie speaks softly, meeting her lovers gazes. ,,Not in here'' the blonde responds, her voice neutral given the circumstances. And so the three of them gently step away from the bed, Cordelia leading them to her office next door, Wilhemina glancing at you one last time before gently closing the door. As they walk through the hallway, the academy is silent, only the sound of cane taps and heels to be heard as they retreat to the privacy of the supremes office.

,,Dee I'm so sorry'' Billie apologies under tears, as Cordelia walks to her desk, taking a seat and rubbing her temples in frustration. ,,Can someone fill me in?'' Wilhemina's voice rings through the bedroom, before the blondes eyes meet her own. ,,Y/N has been wanting to learn teleportation, that's why she's been in the greenhouse so much, I found her a while ago and she told me she couldn't do it, I encouraged her and she managed to do it'' the medium admits, her guilty gaze falling on the supreme. ,,I think she wanted to learn it to prank us today, but I also think she got frustrated not being able to do it'' Billie explains, her eyes pleading with Cordelia's. There is a long silence, Wilhemina letting the words sink in, feeling frustrated with you but at the same time understanding all to well about stubbornness and wanting to be better.

,,It's my fault Billie not yours'' Cordelia finally speaks, some tears lingering in her brown eyes. ,,She asked me for help and I turned her down'' she admits ,,I thought it was too dangerous and I was busy'' she adds, a tear streaming down her features. Billie walks over to Cordelia before kneeling in front of her ,,She's fine now honey, thanks to you'' Billie thanks her, reaching out to cup her cheek before Cordelia melts into her touch, the medium wiping her tears. Wilhemina remains silent, not necessarily finding the right words, not mad at either one of them, understanding Cordelia's reasoning and not blaming Billie in the slightest.

Silence stretches over the room, a long one as the three of them try and find peace with what they had witnessed, images of your body still lingering on their minds. Meanwhile you had woken up with a gasp, a dream reminding you of the events that unfolded earlier today, your body still taken back by the pain. As you glance around the room you can't find either of them and with a painful gasp you make your way to your girlfriends, the guilt already consuming you and wanting to apologise. It takes you several minutes, leaning on the walls to finally get to Cordelia's office, despite it only being one door away.

With all the strength within you, you push the door open, finding your girlfriends, Delia and Billie by the supremes desk, Wilhemina closeby, the three of them lost in thoughts. ,,Sweetheart?'' Cordelia speaks, seeing your pained state and not expecting you to be awake yet. ,,Are you okay?'' Billie questions, already on her way over to you. ,,I- I- teleported into a fence'' you state, guilt consuming you ,,I'm so so sorry'' you apologise, feeling bad for lying, for not listening and for making them watch.

Cordelia's features soften, seeing the genuine guilt and not feeling anger towards you, knowing she should have just helped you to begin with. ,,You sure did babydoll'' Billie chuckles a little, taking you into her arms, wanting to lighten the mood a little. Cordelia is quick on her feet, before taking your hand. ,,Come on, you need rest sweetheart'' she argues, guiding you gently back to bed. ,,Delia I'm sorry'' you plead with her as she tucks you in. She sits beside you before explaining ,,I'm sorry darling for not helping you, you did a great job teaching yourself and this kinda thing can happen, I'm just glad you're okay''. You nod at her statement, tears swelling in your eyes.

,,Can we agree on no teleporting for a while?'' Billie Dean's voice fills the air as she stands behind the supreme. ,,Promise'' you whisper a little shy, feeling embarrassed about the whole thing. ,,You must be exhausted babydoll'' Billie states, noticing your state ,,Let me get you some water'' she coos, before Cordelia looks at you ,,I'm just going to fill in the girls that you are okay, alright? I'll be right back sweetie'' she promises before pressing a kiss to your forehead.

After they leave silence follows, Wilhemina simply standing by the bed, averting your gaze. Your heart pounds guiltily in your chest, before you break the silence. ,,Mina I'm sorry'' you whisper, barely audible but she picks it up. Her gaze meets yours, her features softening at seeing your genuine guilt and trembling state. With quiet steps she makes her way towards you, before sitting beside you. ,,It's okay little one'' she coos, finding your hand under the blanket Cordelia had tugged you in. ,,Just-'' she begins to speak but stops herself, her emotions getting ahold of the redhead. ,,Just don't ever do that again'' she speaks, tears lingering in her brown eyes. ,,I can't lose you little one'' she admits, causing your eyes to fill with tears.

,,I promise Mina'' you whisper, tears flowing freely from your eyes, but your Mina is quick to catch them, before pulling you onto her lap. ,,Come here little one'' she coos, her chin resting on your head as she holds you close. ,,You're okay little one, all safe and sound'' she coos before pressing a gentle kiss to your head.

#sarah paulson #cordelia goode #wilhemina venable #ahs #american horror story #billie dean howard #sarah paulson x reader #cordelia goode x reader #sarahpaulson #ahs coven #billie dean howard x reader #wilhemina venable x reader

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fangsforiris · 24 days

Text

Kanato Sakamaki HC’S

Word Count: 10,004 Included Topics: General, Looks, Hair, Body, Skincare, Makeup, Voice, Mentality, Family, Brides/Yui, Academics, Fashion, Magic & Bag.

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⇘ : : [General]

🕯️ He has an uncanny interest in death and dead bodies. (Canon fact.)

🕯️ He likes watching Reiji bake. The way he so skillfully moves his fingers, and how he never questions his movements is fascinating.

🕯️ He listens to Melanie Martinez and Malice Mizer.

🕯️ He worked as Karlheinz’s secretary for a few years, starting when he was 13. He stopped when he was 16.

🕯️ People in the Royal Court really liked him, and Karlheinz liked having a, in his words, ‘pretty thing’ next to him in every meeting.

🕯️ Cordelia also worked as Karlheinz’s secretary when she first met him, before having an arranged marriage. She was a minor, while he was well into his 20’s. (Canon fact that he groomed her.)

🕯️ Karlheinz definitely forcibly feminizes Kanato.

🕯️ As in, he definitely enjoys when he cross-dresses. Much to Kanato’s displeasure.

🕯️→ It’s already established how horrible Karlheinz is, so I wouldn’t put it past him to do something like that.

🕯️ Kanato sometimes uses his looks to his advantage, such as getting things for free since people assume he’s a girl. Some of the things people bought him for free: drinks, clothing, makeup, jewelry, food, whatever it may be.

🕯️ Him acting like a deer in the headlights also helps get him out of trouble.

🕯️ Call it pretty privilege.

🕯️ Once he and Ayato were trespassing and when an officer came up to them, he used his charms to get them both out of trouble.

🕯️→ “Oi! You two, hands where I can see them.” The officer blared his flashlight at the two siblings, their eyes squinting from the sudden blindness. Ayato groaned, putting up his hands, “Ugh, what is it?”

🕯️→ Kanato slowly put his hands down, looking at the officer with big doe eyes, batting his eyelids slowly, “Oh! I’m so sorry officer… you see me and my brother got lost! I happened to drop my ring while we were here… and… I couldn’t find it.”

🕯️→ The officer stared at Kanato, his severe demeanour softening as he was temporarily struck by the innocent charm that radiated from him. “Lost, huh?” he mumbled, his voice no longer harsh. “Well, you two ought to have taken greater caution. Trespassing is a serious offense.”

🕯️→ Kanato nodded earnestly, his act of innocence unwavering. “Yes, officer, we understand,” he replied softly, his voice laced with feigned sincerity. “We'll be more careful next time, I promise.”

🕯️→ Ayato rolled his eyes, but remained silent as the officer sighed, shaking his head. “Alright, just make sure you don’t come back here again,” he warned, before turning to leave. “And find that ring quickly. We don’t want anyone else getting into trouble over it.”

🕯️→ As the officer left, Kanato let out a sigh of relief. “That was close.” Ayato turned to face Kanato, a smirk playing on his lips. “Too close, also–”

🕯️→ “Not another word,” Kanato interrupted sharply, shooting Ayato a warning glance. Ayato chuckled, raising his hands in surrender. “Alright then,” he knew better than to push his luck with Kanato when he was in one of his moods.

🕯️ Kanato often wonders about the possibility of going missing. It’s a fantasization of his to see if anyone truly cared about him. He’d also want to know if he’d make it out alive. It’s one of those dark thoughts that come up every once in a while, more so when he’s doing the dishes.

🕯️ He definitely has one of those girl blogger accounts.

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⇘ : : [Looks]

🕯️ Kanato is obsessive about his appearance.

🕯️ From afar you wouldn’t guess it, but Kanato cares a lot about his image, he wants every single thing about his appearance to be perfect.

🕯️ He has a set image that he was to adhere to 24/7 and if just one thing is off he’ll spiral. (Think of Reiji with absolutely anything, but multiply it by 100x. It’s that bad.)

🕯️ Kanato has very soft feminine features.

🕯️ His obsession started because of his mother, who valued her looks along with his. Also partially influenced by those around him in the Royal Court, who at first glance, would identify the similarities between the two.

🕯️ In fact, Karlheinz would be skeptical for a bit of Kanato’s true gender, finding it uncanny with the parallels surrounding his first wife and 4th son. He’d treat Kanato as a girl despite knowing later on that he isn’t.

🕯️ This would partially add to Kanato’s slight (not really slight) insecurity of not being seen as ‘man enough’ or atleast a boy.

🕯️ Since he looks the most like Cordelia, she would keep him on a strict regime so as to not ‘ruin her name.’

🕯️ Kanato’s desired image depicts a doll. He wants so badly to look and feel like a doll. In the sense that it’s hauntingly ethereal, and those who cast their gaze upon him are forced to stop and stare.

🕯️ Almost like his mother, but part of him knows he doesn’t want anyone to see him in that sort of light. Just in the way that they can’t take their eyes off him, and are filled with envy of how surreal he is.

🕯️ He wants his very entity to invoke a sense of surrealism. As if he came out of a 1900’s portrait, and just looking at him gives off an ‘out of body’ experience.

🕯️ He prides himself dearly on his looks, but that also has its limitations. (Semi-canon fact.)

🕯️ Sometimes, he wonders how his life would be if he were to look more like his first cousins-once removed (Shin and Carla) and brothers. Would his mother still take pride in him the same way?

🕯️ Because of him gaining Cordelia’s features, many upon first meeting assume he’s a girl. He gets upset at this, but other times he’d leave it be and proceed to accept it as a compliment.

🕯️ He’s also pretty short, especially compared to his brothers, so the shock factor from others when discovering he’s a boy also adds to the whole ‘Kanato Experience.’

🕯️ TW!! He is used to being catcalled and harassed because of his looks. These are the moments where he wonders if it’s a curse or a blessing to look so much like his mother.

🕯️ TW!! Due to this, he understands both perspectives, both men and women, and has slight empathy towards their struggles. (Slight. As this is still Kanato we’re talking about.)

🕯️ TW!! But he has only felt true fear when he was placed in a situation where he happened to be barricaded and incapable of fighting them off. He wondered how he was so powerless, as his hands shook and his body trembled. How he was so quick to become prey instead of the predator.

🕯️ TW!! He’s had some close calls of being assaulted, especially with the majority of men who are physically larger and stronger than him, but has been saved by older women and couples.

🕯️ TW!! After this happens, he is usually filled with feelings of resentment and self-loathing. Such as → ‘Why was I so weak? I am no mortal.’ and ‘If the others saw me, they’d call me pathetic– I was pathetic.’

��️ TW!! Kanato would rather die or skin himself alive than admit he’d been placed in such a situation far too many times for his liking. With countless close calls at that. He wouldn’t want to be seen as a victim like Laito, and definitely not be doted on with the focus of his weakness being called into question.

🕯️ Because of this, on his days out into the town/out of the house, he carries pepper spray and a small retractable pink combat knife. Just in case his vampiric strength isn’t enough.

🕯️ Slight TW!! Kanato has been catcalled by Ayato and Laito, before the former two would realize and profusely apologize for mistaking him for a girl. It was embarrassing when he happened to be at the dessert cafe he particularly enjoys in Vandead Carnival, picking up macaroons for Laito and him, when his two brothers started hitting on him out of nowhere.

🕯️ Ayato would initially not talk to him for a week, making a point to avoid him in every single room they both happened to enter, before Kanato would throw his Teddy at him.

🕯️ Laito on the other hand, would laugh it off. But inside he’d somewhat hate himself and think back to the similarities towards Kanato and their mother. It’d make him feel more uncomfortable if anything.

🕯️ Upon first meeting, the Mukami’s would assume Kanato was a girl as well. They’d find out the hard way when Kanato rejects both Yūma and Kou’s advances and Ayato pipes in to get them away from his brother.

🕯️→ “Oi! Kanato ain’t a girl, that’s my brother, you half-blooded creeps!”

🕯️→ “Didn’t you and Laito also mistake him for some chick…?” Shuu would retort, causing the former to go silent and red, while Laito waves his hands dismissively, giving small uncomfortable chuckles.

︵‿୨♡୧‿︵

⇘ : : [Hair]

🕯️ He prides himself on his purple hair (Canon fact.)

🕯️ His hair is kept at a medium length, sometimes reaching his collarbone.

🕯️ Kanato trims his hair every month.

🕯️ He has a step by step hair care routine.

🕯️ He washes his hair 1-2 times a week.

🕯️His hair is naturally silky smooth, however it’s more flat in comparison to having volume (smooth > volume, flat > fluffy.)

🕯️ Shockingly, out of the triplets he has the best hygiene, even going as far to rival Reiji in that department.

🕯️ He likes to smell like strawberries and vanilla. The light, cute scents that many associate with those girls from shoujo mangas. He absolutely adores it.

🕯️ He owns high grade shampoo, conditioner, hair masks, hair oils, and even purple shampoo just in case his natural colour lightens even more to his dismay.

🕯️ He makes sure to wash, shampoo and condition his hair correctly, ensuring that he doesn’t get back acne or neck acne from leaving the product to suck into the skin.

🕯️ It’s one of his pet peeves to have acne there, and also upsets him greatly when feeling an unnecessary bump on his ‘need to be’ smooth porcelain skin.

🕯️ Kanato takes an ‘everything shower’ every end of the month, which includes him staying in the shower for 2-3 hours on end, deeply perfecting everything.

🕯️ This heavily annoys the others, as he tends to take long, hot, excruciating showers which drains the hot water and ups the water bill each month. (To Shuu and Reiji’s dismay.)

🕯️ But make no mistake, Kanato benefits from the hot steam of the shower in comparison to just submerging his entire body in it. If he did, his entire body would be pruned up. Not a good look for his tastes.

🕯️ His hair used to be darker, a more accurate colour match to Cordelia’s, but overtime due to stress, it lightened.

🕯️ He prides his hair— and so does his mother. On most nights when she wasn’t dealing with Laito, she’d stay in his room, make Kanato sit in front of his vanity on his chair, and brush his hair.

🕯️ It was an intimate moment for the two of them where their relationship grew. Oftentimes she’d take solace in these moments and reveal information about herself that no one else would hear. And Kanato would listen.

🕯️ It was like their own little secret. Their thing that nobody else could take away from them.

🕯️ This is where Kanato would find his likability to being seen as and called ‘a doll.’

🕯️ Cordelia would oftentimes refer to him as her doll or just the nickname ‘doll.’

🕯️→ “My little doll, you’re like Mommy when you’re quiet like this.”

🕯️→ “Am I, Mother?”

🕯️→ Cordelia would smile fondly, “Most definitely. You’re lucky to look like me, you know? Who else would dare to pay attention to you or your talents otherwise.”

🕯️→ Kanato would turn his head when he noticed his mother stop, the brush still clutched in her hands. He met her eyes, “I am?”

🕯️→ She’d put the brush down on the vanity, motioning towards the mirror where the two saw their reflection. Emerald green and pure lilac glew, its prominent glow reflecting off the mirror in the dark room, causing the latter to blink for good measure. Kanato would focus diligently, watching for what his mother had to say next. “Yes. Would you like to know a secret, doll?”

🕯️→ He’d nod, “You’ve always been my favourite. Your brothers just don’t have what I and everyone else sees in you.” His eyes would sparkle at that comment, leaving Cordelia to play with his hair.

🕯️→ “I’m… Mommy’s favourite?” The woman smiled, moving her hand to caress her son’s face, the looking glass delaying, “You will always be Mommy’s favourite.”

🕯️ He would never tell anyone of those nights, especially her admittance to him being her favourite. It was one of the secrets he’d take to the grave.

🕯️→ (This reminded me of the audio on TikTok: My father is the worst person in the world; and I’m his favourite daughter.)

🕯️ After Cordelia died, he’d sometimes hold his hair and play with it the same way she did to remember the fond memories and secrets they’ve shared.

🕯️ After his makeup routine, he would style his hair accordingly.

🕯️ He normally lets his hair air dry, mainly to prevent heat damage.

🕯️ But in the slight occurrence he absolutely has to use a hairdryer, he will.

🕯️ He always brushes his hair every time before bed, and in the morning. Exactly 12 strokes each time. Don’t ask. He simply thought the number was perfect for his hair and always does the trick every time.

🕯️ His hair doesn’t usually tangle.

🕯️ Kanato uses mousse on his hair when he wants the definition of volume. After this, he’d style his side bangs accordingly.

🕯️ Sometimes he’d clip his side bangs to the side with his cute clips. The girls at school love this. They eat it up every time. Some even ask for hair tips as his hair is always shiny and well kept.

🕯️ He always has a comb in his bag, just in case if his hair gets messy. He also keeps portable, travel sized, hair care products.

🕯️ You know those hair gel glue sticks mainly used for fly aways? He 100% uses them and brings them in his small bag everywhere he goes. He can’t stand the fact that if one thing is wrong, it’ll tear him apart.

🕯️ Kanato absolutely hates frizzy hair. He does everything to prevent it. Another reason why he isn’t as fond of the rain, it messes up his hair.

︵‿୨♡୧‿︵

⇘ : : [Body]

🕯️ Kanato has a slim body.

🕯️ Almost like the ballerina type, but more towards the feminine side of things.

🕯️ He has long legs, with his torso being a bit more shorter than he’d like. All of this adds to the doll vibe he wants, though.

🕯️ His neck isn’t that long, and his head is an appropriate size (in his opinion.)

🕯️ He’s more bony if anything, due to his unhealthy tendencies.

🕯️ His ribcage can almost be seen, but that doesn’t stop the fact that his waist is still defined.

🕯️ Put simply, he has a bony version of an hourglass figure. There’s fat, but it’s heavily set on the ‘almost anorexic’ side of the scale, especially defined by doctors and the countless physicians that have attended him.

🕯️ When comparing his mother and him, she really shines when comparing their bodies. It’s like that’s the one thing the genes had to dominate. If he were a woman, their bodies would be exactly the same. Only major difference is Kanato lacks the fat on his body.

🕯️ It freaks him out sometimes with how skin tight his body happens to appear. But that also gratifies him. Knowing that whatever it is he’s doing is working, makes for a great remedy in a psychotic episode.

🕯️ Kanato really is almost like skin and bones. It does add to the living doll thing, though.

🕯️ His collarbone is quite defined, along with his broad-set shoulders.

🕯️ His complexion is quite fair.

🕯️ He doesn’t have any known birthmarks to him, his skin is like a blank canvas.

🕯️ His favourite part of his body are his hands and lips. There’s just something about the fragility of the two that intrigue him.

🕯️ He loves the natural curve of his lips, the way that it can easily be rosier by biting it or putting more product on it.

🕯️ It’s obsessive the way he tends to his lips. Always subjecting it to lip scrubs, and moistures. He really likes the way they perfect his face.

🕯️ Kanato’s hands. Where to begin? He likes the way they’re thin and long. Not too long, that would freak him out. But just enough to allow him to examine them in a deeper context.

🕯️ He does his best to not bruise them as bad, and if he were to, he’d want to have a contrast of red and pink splotches on his knuckles. He absolutely loves the contrast of the fair skin to the bruised bits. That goes for anyone.

🕯️ His nails are always maintained. Always done. Either professionally or himself, he can’t catch himself falling short of his list of long expectations for himself.

🕯️ They’re always filed nicely, and he always keeps his cuticles pushed back.

🕯️ It’s always a medium length, perfect if he needed to open anything, pick a lock, or defend himself. He especially likes when he sees the damage his nails can cause his victims.

🕯️ What he doesn’t like is cleaning the dried up blood from his nails. He hates the dirt and grime, but alas such pleasures do have consequences.

🕯️ Speaking of, he normally paints his nails. Like you’ll never see him without painted nails. If they aren’t painted, someone call the ambulance immediately.

🕯️ Kanato usually paints them sheer colours. Queue the jelly nail polish. He loves the pink ones, and how it delivers contrasts to his sickly pale hands.

🕯️ He’ll do other colours, and even full ones but you’ll definitely see this boy with his signature pink.

🕯️ He’ll even go as far as adding glitter. He loves the sparkly look, it reminds him of what he majorly missed out as a child.

🕯️ Kanato has 2 ear piercings. One on both ears for his central lobe, the other on both ears as a helix.

🕯️ This was because he was pressured by Ayato and Laito to get another piercing and ‘live a little.’ They used it as a bonding exercise.

🕯️ Kanato likes to act like he hates it, but secretly he enjoys the variety of earring combinations he can experiment with.

🕯️ He mainly goes for diamond glittery earrings that don’t dangle as much. Mainly studs. However if it was a special event, then he’d have more of a statement earring in.

︵‿୨♡୧‿︵

⇘ : : [Skincare]

🕯️ He has a set skincare routine.

🕯️ He does his skin care every night. He never misses a day.

🕯️ Kanato has dry skin, but not as sensitive.

🕯️ He usually uses moisturizers to hydrate his skin, followed by a hydrating serum which is notably his favourite part of his routine. He likes the way he can squeeze the tube connected to the cap of the bottle, how squishy and malleable it is.

🕯️ Also the way the serum falls on his face, he has no idea why that particularly catches his attention, but he’s fine with it nonetheless.

🕯️ Kanato despises his eye bags, loathes it even, so you know he’s dead-set on doing everything possible to get rid of them, or atleast make them not as noticeable. They really hinder with the whole ‘doll-look’ he’s trying to viciously obtain. Queue the eye cream and patches.

🕯️ Shockingly, they do wonders. And anything that isn’t as covered is covered by his makeup routine (mainly his colour correcting concealer and skin-tint light coverage foundation.)

🕯️ He has very clear skin, and rarely gets acne/pimples. He is only second to having the best skin out of his brothers, the first being Shuu.

🕯️ The skin care he uses is bought in small quantities, the only thing he regularly buys in bulk are his eye cream and patches.

🕯️ He always starts his skincare routine by drenching his face in an ice-cold ice bath for 10 minutes, to reduce any puffiness he might have.

🕯️ Kanato wears contacts most days, only resorting to his glasses if he absolutely has to. His glasses are black cat eye framed. He used to have a rose gold frame but he didn’t like how washed out it made his skin.

︵‿୨♡୧‿︵

⇘ : : [Makeup]

🕯️ He uses makeup 100% (How else will he keep up his doll-like image?)

🕯️ He never needs to use any high coverage foundation considering that his skin is quite clear. He uses a light coverage skin-tint.

🕯️ Considering that his complexion is more on the gray-side, he makes it a point to go outside in the sun more often without his umbrella.

🕯️ Because of this, he uses products with shade ranges that keep his very fair skin satiated.

🕯️ Kanato’s concealer usage mainly goes to colour correcting and removing his eye bags. Everything else is fine in his eyes, it’s just his over dramatic, very dragged out and accentuated eye bags that make his face feel dragged out.

🕯️ His contouring is quite limited, as he only applies his contour stick to accentuate his jaw, nose, and forehead. He’s satisfied with a softer approach as he prefers softer features in comparison to sharper.

🕯️ This goes for both himself, and any sacrificial bride/potential love interest he’d set his eyes on.

🕯️ He uses press powder. Kanato loves dipping his cushion into the powder, pushing and dabbing it onto his face and watching as some of the dust would collect around him in the air.

🕯️ It’s like those old movies he’d watch with his brothers when they were younger, where the woman would enjoy having their makeup montage. It’s that satisfaction that allows him to revel in his routine.

🕯️ Once he’s finished with that, his blush takes the center stage. He uses a moderately tinted blush, but uses only a small limited amount so as to not overpower his facial symmetry. It also tends to bring colour to his face and make him feel ‘alive’ so it’s extra important he gets it right.

🕯️ Kanato also uses the powder blush found in the palettes.

🕯️ He once tried liquid blush but instantly hated it as he could never get the timing right for how much he needed. Palette is much easier, safer, and plus, he enjoys seeing the product collect on the makeup brush, and tapping it ever so slightly for pan fallout.

🕯️ His eyes. His absolute favourite part of doing his makeup every single time is the eye makeup. From eyeshadow, to mascara, to the eyeliner. It’s perfection.

🕯️ He starts with his eyeshadow. He usually uses K-Beauty, considering that the K-Pop idols there have great taste for the glittery glam he’s looking for. It ranges from what he’s feeling, but most of the time you’ll see him with small copious amounts of glitter adorning his eyelids.

🕯️ And it’s always perfection, seriously, he never misses. It’s often a fan favourite with the girls at school.

🕯️ Kanato would start with a base colour, blending it with another before adding the small glitter adornments. He usually drifts towards soft pinks, but will use the pastels for blue and purple.

🕯️ He never uses any of the brighter/riskier colours/shades. He prefers the softer, more pastel colours that add to his appeal. The browns/neutrals are okay too.

🕯️ Next, his eyeliner. He tends to go for the middle ground. He has great precision, and always hits the mark on the first try. A signature cat-eyeliner is something he’d never dare to leave the house without.

🕯️ For his lids, he uses liquid liner. For his water line, both top and bottom, a crayon/kajol based mixture. He does this to lessen the load of his already big eyes.

🕯️ On the top, he strictly uses black. On the bottom? A combination of black and white to obtain his doll look. Near his inner corner close to his nose, he adds more white, then it blends as he reaches a half-way point before he transitions to black.

🕯️ Admittedly, it was a lot of trial and error but once he got the hang of it, he looked more like a doll than he did bare-faced.

🕯️ Finally, his mascara. He tends to use a waterproof mascara because of his tantrums. In the past he tried other colours than black, but found that he didn’t like them as much as the effect black had on him.

🕯️ Also good to note that his eyelashes are long. Like you’d assume he got them done, but then be shocked that it’s all natural. Definitely one of the points many girls are jealous of.

🕯️ Since his lips aren’t as rosy as he’d like them, he uses lip tints and red-pink lip glosses. Sometimes he’d go the matte look with his lips, others he enjoys the pop of lip gloss.

🕯️ It’s a pet peeve to have chapped lips. He hates it. Doesn’t matter who has them, it’s hatred all around. Because of this, he keeps extra chapstick (strawberry flavoured, obviously) for his brothers when he sees them.

🕯️→ “Eh? What’s this, Kanato?” Laito would ponder, seeing the chapstick being thrust into his hands and a bratty Kanato turning his head away to face the walls of the limo. His arms crossed across his chest as if to prove his point further.

🕯️→ “Your lips. Fix it.” Laito would raise an eyebrow, moving his gaze to examine the chapstick. A smirk would grow as he read the label. ‘Strawberry-flavoured.’

🕯️→ “Whatever is the matter with my–” Kanato would turn his body, glaring at him before moving closer to Laito. “This is the problem. Please, fix it immediately,” Kanato would retort, pressing a gloved finger to Laito’s chipping lips, hoping to accentuate his dire point.

🕯️→ “Oh? My, I had no idea you were so bold, Kanato!” Laito would chuckle, as he watched his younger brother bat his eyes in confusion before a slight blush creeped up on his face. His frustration building too, no doubt.

🕯️→ “Laito. Now.” He was now back to his seating, and after a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, Laito would give in.

🕯️→ He’d take off the cap, take in the potent strawberry scent and apply the chapstick to his lips, instantly hydrating and moistening them. Kanato would look back, huffing contently before a sly remark would slip by Laito’s lips, “Mmm, strawberry! How delightful.” A pause, “Is this your subtle way of admitting you’ve been dreaming about kissing me, dear brother?”

🕯️→ Kanato’s eyes would widen, “Huh? Don’t be absurd.”

🕯️→ “Hm, your loss~” Laito flicked his tongue, tasting some of the strawberry flavour.

🕯️ Kanato would then apply his highlighter. Always blended in, mainly on the tip of his nose, cheeks, and inner corners of his eyes. It’s a white iridescent highlighter, but sometimes he’d use a light pink tinted one if he runs out.

🕯️ His setting spray is light, making it easy for him to not feel as overstimulated.

🕯️ He always carries the travel sized perfume bottles in his bag so he’ll be well prepared, especially after gym class. He isn’t fond of smelling bad.

🕯️ Strawberry or vanilla is his go to. But many would report him smelling a fond strawberry, making that his signature scent.

🕯️ He always cleans his makeup brushes every 2-3 weeks. He hates the idea of any bacteria or dirt ruining his face.

︵‿୨♡୧‿︵

⇘ : : [Voice]

🕯️ He has a lighter/higher voice compared to the others, which he definitely hates (but sometimes is at peace with.)

🕯️ It’s the type that can be light and airy, almost like a girl, but have that small bit of depth when frustrated.

🕯️ Make no mistake, it’s higher than most, which causes him to be mistaken for a girl a lot. (That is, without the looks.)

🕯️ Due to his childhood, his vocal chords are most definitely strained.

🕯️ As in, he’s a few steps away from becoming mute. But this doesn’t stop him from letting one of his soul-crushing screams out. (Which undoubtedly, adds pressure to his throat, which makes it unbearable hot and sometimes itchy.)

🕯️ In fact, he was forced to sing until his vocal chords started to bleed, filling his mouth and throat with his own blood which definitely tore tissues apart. (Canon fact.)

🕯️ Sometimes his voice gives out, making him choose silence and only stepping in when he thinks he absolutely has to.

🕯️ Despite what most think, Ayato and Laito do listen to him in hopes of keeping the peace.

🕯️ They even take his opinion into account because if Kanato is the voice of reason, then there’s definitely something off and they need to reevaluate themselves.

🕯️ Kanato drinks a lot of herbal teas, it’s normal for Laito or Reiji (mostly Laito) to make him some because of his strained vocal chords.

🕯️ Kanato prefers lavender and honey teas, always with 2 and a half sugar cubes. Must be hot but never piping hot to the point where he’ll burn his tongue.

🕯️ He hates burning his tongue while drinking teas. It makes him have somewhat of a lisp and Ayato teases him about not being careful enough.

🕯️ He will notice if the tea is not exactly to his liking. If not immediately.

🕯️ Ayato once tried to make him his tea, and before tasting it, he could smell that something was off. He didn’t add the specific ‘half’ of the sugar cube. Kanato was upset and refused to talk to Ayato for a week, while Ayato profusely apologized since he knew it was a very sore subject.

🕯️→ (Empathetic as always, Ayato.)

🕯️ Kanato and Reiji regularly drink tea together in the living room, or in Reiji’s office. It’s the one time where Reiji notably enjoy’s Kanato’s company as he isn't as psychotic as he normally comes across. He’s tame, relaxed, and soothed.

🕯️ Reiji unconsciously finds himself comforted and reveals some of his internal turmoil whilst in Kanato’s presence. There’s just something about the gentle, relaxing presence of Kanato that seems to soothe everyone in the room. As if he can control the entire energy and mood of a room whilst he’s in this state.

🕯️ Since they’re always together, Laito will become his voice (talk for Kanato) when he cannot, especially when he’s nervous to talk to someone new/foreign to him.

🕯️ Kanato’s vocal range is very versatile.

🕯️ He can sing in very high tones, accomplishing high notes with a smooth, steady, and clear confidence.

🕯️ Ever since the accident with his strained vocal chords, he doesn’t sing as much as he used to.

🕯️ However, if you saw him in his prime, you’d be filled with envy and shock in an instant.

🕯️ His singing voice was powerful, it could be light, shrill, and gentle, but also accomplish heightened feats.

🕯️ He and Shuu did a joint performance at a ball, Shuu played the piano, and Kanato sang whilst sitting atop of the piano. Shuu secretly still has a recording of this performance, unbeknownst to Kanato, and listens to it when he wants to be calmed.

︵‿୨♡୧‿︵

⇘ : : [Mentality]

IMMENSE TW HERE!!

🕯️ He has severe attachment issues.

🕯️ Kanato keeps a large assortment of stuffed toys, each with their own distinct name and personality. He’s afraid that if a person were to leave him, he wouldn’t be able to cope, thus turning to inanimate objects to fill the void.

🕯️ → After all, living people can let you down, but how can inanimate objects do the same?

🕯️ Hence the wax dolls of all the brides he’s ever claimed. He’d like to make them look beautiful, even in their restless display of a tomb.

🕯️→ It’s the least he could do after claiming their soul, isn’t it?

🕯️ He also has abandonment issues which stemmed from his childhood.

🕯️ He stopped placing faith in his brothers when he slowly watched them drift farther away from him, and closer to each other.

🕯️ Seemingly, almost everyone in his life who he treasured left him high and dry, so he stays away and chooses not to form any deeper connections due to his fear of being left again.

🕯️ Sometimes he mourns the person he could’ve been if he hadn’t been a vampire. If he could be considered a ‘morally good’ person, that is.

🕯️ Kanato also mourns the family he could’ve had, if he were dealt better cards.

🕯️ Admittedly, the facade that he keeps up is wearing on him. He finds it emotionally draining to always be on edge and be in competition with his brothers.

🕯️ The hostility that floods the air is always suffocating, but he knows that no one wants to change, so he plays the part of ‘the hysteric’ to the best degree before he entirely burns himself out.

🕯️ His entire ‘hysteric’ facade is just that. An act. He only does it so he’d have a defining feature for him like his other brothers, and because it made people weary and afraid of him.

🕯️ It took away all the unwanted attention off him, especially from those with gazes that lingered a bit too long on his body for his comfort.

🕯️ He’s very insecure of his eyebags, voice, wrists, and shockingly his weight.

🕯️ TW!! He has self-harmed before for attention, just to be seen by his mother and not be cast aside like Reiji. (Canon fact.)

🕯️ When his mother found out, she was furious. She complained ruthlessly, making Kanato feel even worse about himself than he did when he started.

🕯️ He hates his self-harm scars, despite being a vampire with self-healing, they never seemed to go away.

🕯️ TW!! There are light cuts on his wrists, nearing the veins.

🕯️ He never had the courage to cut anywhere else. It scared him, but he’d never admit that.

🕯️ TW!! Once he cut too deeply, which made the vein burst. He stopped cutting after that, and after his mother scolded him for ‘ruining his body.’

🕯️ Ayato and Laito have no idea of his past self-harming tendencies. His half-brothers also don’t.

🕯️ Laito has theorized that his early comments in their childhood got to Kanato, so he has a lingering feeling that Kanato did call his bluff. (That is, to encourage Kanato to self-harm for said attention.) [Canon fact.]

🕯️ Nonetheless, he always wears long sleeves and translucent gloves which are sheer and skin tight. They cover his scars slightly, however they aren’t the best method of choice.

🕯️ Kanato wouldn’t admit he’s suicidal, however when compairing himself to the others, he doesn’t find a reason as to why he could be deemed as important.

🕯️ He feels constantly pushed away, so if he were to die, he’d be okay and at ease with it.

🕯️ But he doesn’t go chasing death constantly. He wants to die, but will let it happen when it happens.

🕯️ Kind of like Shuu in this case.

🕯️ His voice may fit the doll-like criteria he places upon himself, however it doesn’t stop the fact that he wishes he could’ve been born a bit more masculine like his brothers so he wouldn’t have to resort to this aesthetic he’s plastered upon himself.

🕯️ That, and paired with the fact that his voice doesn’t make it easier when people would harass him, assuming he’s a girl.

🕯️ TW!! Kanato has an eating-disorder.

🕯️ TW!! This was entirely orchestrated by none other than Cordelia herself. Due to her strict standards, and the constant pressure he put on himself to obtain the ‘perfect doll look,’ he started purging.

🕯️ All of the desserts he eats would be thrown up, allowing him to ensure his body won’t be ‘ruined’ as his mother used to say.

🕯️ This habit has gotten so bad and risky that Yui has started to notice a pattern, especially when he’d leave their shared Psychology class at a set time every day. Or how he’d barely eat anything at their monthly dinners and during lunch. He even took lengthy pauses for his blood drinking for good measures.

🕯️ TW!! Kanato would push his fingers down his throat viciously, uncaring of how the medium length nails scratched at his throat, or how blood started to strain his fingertips and fill his windpipe. After all, he’d throw it all up anyways.

🕯️ → Yūma happened to be in the bathroom one night, washing his hands as he heard the sounds of strained coughs and retching over the toilet bowl. He couldn’t make out the shoes, and whom they belonged to, but he could tell it was bad.

🕯️→ When the stall door opened, he laid eyes on Kanato, with small tears staining his baked face, he stiffened. He kept washing his hands as Kanato used the faucet next to him, pressing his hand on the soap dispenser.

🕯️→ “Um.. are you.. ok?” Yūma would dare, watching as the smaller boy paid him little mind.

🕯️→ “Yes. I simply ate something bad, that’s all.” Kanato was quick, almost too quick with his reply. Yūma narrowed his eyes, before flicking his hands, opting to air dry instead.

🕯️→ He took in Kanato’s figure, and how shaky he happened to be. What’s more, his hazel gaze traced over Kanato’s wrists, and the small, strategic cuts. If it were anything to go by, that wasn’t normal. Living with Azusa taught you that much.

🕯️→ “Are you sure? Come to think of it, yer’ pretty pale–” “I am fine.” Kanato would swiftly cut the taller man off, not wanting to hear anymore of it, as he took out his makeup pouch and proceeded to fix up his appearance.

🕯️→ Yūma was stunned, not only at the quick defensive position the boy took, but also at a closer glance for how out of shape he was. He was skinny, too skinny. Even by vampiric standards. His wrists were sticks, and his uniform looked a size or two oversized.

🕯️→ “Look, I know it ain’t none of my business–” Kanato stopped what he was doing and turned to meet Yūma. Yūma and his pathetic worried gaze. He planned his next words out carefully, “It isn’t, you’re correct about that much. I am fine. I ate too many parfaits, alright? I don’t appreciate the interrogation.”

🕯️→ Yūma just stared at him blankly, “Yeah. I can’t force you to say anything, can I?” Kanato would nod, before finishing his makeup and making a bee-line for the door. “But, you can talk to me if somethins’ botherin’ you… you know that.. right?”

🕯️→ Yūma kept his eyes trained on the door, more importantly, the figure that stopped. A few tense moments of stillness would then pass before Kanato would murmur, “Yeah, of course.”

🕯️→ Yūma would watch the door open and close, leaving him alone to reflect about what to do with this newfound knowledge. And if Kanato’s response to his aid was honestly sincere.

🕯️ Kanato’s eye bags have to be one of the biggest things he hates. He wishes it could instantly go away. He gets enough sleep as is (he thinks?) So why won’t they leave?

🕯️ Kanato definitely has insomnia. Hence the immense annoyance of said eyebags.

🕯️ He’s had it ever since he was a kid and all he wishes is for it to leave so he could at least look half as decent as the rest of his family.

🕯️ When Yūma teases him by calling him ‘Eye-Bags’ he feels another bit of his self-esteem shatter. He hates it so much, and is one of the leading causes for his self-loathing.

🕯️ He smokes. He loves the feeling of nicotine and how he makes him feel more alive.

🕯️ He has BPD.

🕯️ He secretly takes meds for them, but once Yui came to the house, Ayato had accidentally thrown them out thinking they were expired muscle relaxer pills which led Kanato to stay unstable and manic.

🕯️ He knows he needs therapy. However he doesn’t know how he could ever bring that up to Reiji.

︵‿୨♡୧‿︵

⇘ : : [Family]

🕯️ Kanato knows that Laito and Ayato avoid him due to the consistent parallels between him and their mother.

🕯️ The two think they’ve done a good job at hiding their resentment and slight fear but Kanato can see right through them.

🕯️ Kanato oftentimes mourns the relationship he could’ve had with Ayato and Laito, especially if he wasn’t a carbon copy of their mother.

🕯️ He’d look at old photographs of the three when they were happier and at better terms, then is awakened by the harsh reality that they don’t like him.

🕯️ Oh yeah. They aren’t as fond as Kanato as they’d like to portray. This is mainly because of the similarities between their mother and him.

🕯️ So everytime Laito pours Kanato a cup of his lavender-honey tea, the latter thinks about how Laito may truly feel to be next to someone who reminds him so much of his trauma.

🕯️ Laito is often uncomfortable with Kanato’s existence. Just because they look alike. If Kanato had the green eyes? Well Laito and Ayato would go into shock.

🕯️ Ayato only tolerates Kanato because he feels that he has to. Not because he immensely cares as much. (Although, he stays empathetic towards their outcome.)

🕯️ Kanato wishes that he didn’t look like Cordelia on some nights. Especially on the nights where the triplets get into arguments and Ayato ends up saying what they’re all thinking.

🕯️→ “Yeah? Well it ain’t us who looks exactly like our mother! You even act like her too, Kanato.”

🕯️→ The three would all go quiet, with Kanato shaking as he’s registering what Ayato said. He wasn’t his mother. He wasn’t.

🕯️→ “Kanato… I didn’t—” Ayato choked, “No. You’ve made your point.” Kanato would leave the room. Leaving a shocked Ayato and silent Laito.

🕯️→ Kanato wouldn’t hear anyone out, and would actively ignore the two before Ayato and Laito trap him on the roof of the school one night during lunch.

🕯️→ “What do you two want?” Kanato would start, looking at his brothers in annoyance. “We.. we wanted to talk.” Ayato would chip in, “It’s been a week, Kanato. You cannot seriously expect to win by ignoring us like this, hm?” And Laito would finish.

🕯️→ “What is there left to say?” Kanato snapped, turning aside to look out at the schoolyard. Ayato let out a softened sigh. “We know we messed up, alright,” he said, his eyes pleading for forgiveness. “But we’re brothers, Kanato.”

🕯️→ Laito’s normally sardonic grin softened as he nodded. With a soft tone, he continued, “We apologize. We went too far.” Emotions seething inside Kanato, his shoulders stiffened. Silence enveloped them, heavy with unspoken tension.

🕯️→ Kanato gave in with a deep breath. He mumbled, “Fine,” his voice barely audible.

🕯️ Subaru once mindlessly let it slip that Kanato deeply resembled his mother while practicing magic. That sent Kanato into a spiral and he stayed up for a week staring at himself through his vanity mirror.

🕯️ Kanato smokes. Especially with Cordelia. The two would normally go outside in the rose gardens on especially hard days and smoke together.

🕯️ He started smoking when he was 13, when Cordelia offered him a pack. This is what also strengthened their relationship.

🕯️ When she died, he started to smoke more. Not because of the guilt or anything, but because he found it to be a remedy for stress.

🕯️ None of his brothers know that he smokes.

🕯️ He highly values Reiji’s opinion, especially because he’s been there more for him than his own blood brothers have.

🕯️ He’s slightly jealous of the closer relationship Ayato and Laito have.

🕯️ Cordelia mainly manipulated him a lot. When looking back he wonders how naive he was to believe everything she said.

🕯️ Karlheinz sometimes mistakes Kanato for Cordelia. Even he isn’t immune to their similarities.

🕯️ Like when Kanato worked as his secretary, he found himself calling Cordelia’s name instead of Kanato’s, and instantly shutting up after he realizes what he said. This leaves Kanato feeling dumbfounded with the one question resting on his mind, ‘Am I really that similar to her?’

🕯️ Kanato would later find out that his mother also worked as his secretary, making the two even more similar than they already appear, much to his dismay.

🕯️→ “Cordelia, my dear, could you fetch those reports for me?” Karlheinz's request was gentle, laced with familiarity.

🕯️→ With a stilled hand, Kanato’s breath caught in his throat. Despite a sense of unease, he forced a tight-lipped smile. His voice strained, “Right away, Father.”

🕯️→ Kanato felt the atmosphere change as he made his way to get the reports. He glanced back and saw Karlheinz’s expression go blank as an understanding dawned in his eyes. His brief expression of perplexity as he tried to comprehend his error spoke volumes.

🕯️ Karlheinz wonders if he wants Kanato as an option for the Adam and Eve plan because of Cordelia and Kanato parallels. There’s a small selfish feeling that lingers, making him want to keep Kanato all for himself.

🕯️ Kanato definitely had to deal with Karlheinz’s weird/creepy advances. 🕯️→ It’s canon that he’s a bit creepy, and definitely messed up, so take that as you’d like.

︵‿୨♡୧‿︵

⇘ : : [Brides/Yui]

🕯️His relationship with any sacrificial bride as of late has been at face value. He knows that the way he treats others, especially as a lesser being, is partially motivated by how others have viewed him his entire life.

🕯️ Kanato simply doesn’t know how to begin changing for the better, so the cycle continues. He’s in an environment that promotes the very bad behaviours that he’s identified. That is, in everyone (the brothers), and in himself.

🕯️ There was one sacrificial bride before Yui, perhaps ten years before she arrived, who made him hyper aware of what he and his brothers were doing.

🕯️ The monsters that they were.

🕯️ That was the first time he ever thought to reevaluate himself as an individual, especially with the bride who would do everything to make him understand that everyone has at least a little bit of humanity in them.

🕯️ He’d recall the way his father treated the wives, and the way his mother would treat him. It would send him into a spiral, before opting to lessen the way he reacts.

🕯️ This unknown bride amongst the thousands that have entered the Sakamaki Mansion would die, however at the hands of Laito.

🕯️ Now that was a turning point for Kanato. It was shocking how that so easily proved the bride’s point, yet he felt so empty about the whole ordeal.

🕯️ Kanato vowed to remember that bride, name and all. She is also the centerpiece of his wax doll collection, the one who’s perfect in every way. He owes her that much.

🕯️ He viewed her as a friend if anything. That is, if mortals and immortals could be friends.

🕯️ He also vowed to figure out how to turn his life around for the better once given the chance. He often thinks about her, and now with Yui here, he thinks that now is the chance to break the cycle.

🕯️ He often thinks about her a lot. Like she rests constantly on his mind, almost like a lingering repressed feeling.

🕯️ Kanato doesn’t think he could ever be loved. Like for everything, flaws and all.

🕯️ So when Yui comes around, talking him about everything he does well and how he has a good side, he has no idea if she’s being genuine or if she wants something from him, and only wants to use him just like everyone else has.

🕯️ He wants Yui to be happy, in his own way of course. But part of him knows that it’ll never be with him. His obsessive tendencies, especially when it comes to love, is the main driving point which pushes people away.

🕯️ It’ll take him a bit to understand that fully, but once he comes to that settlement, he’ll be okay with giving Yui to one of his brothers. After all, most of the sacrificial brides choose them anyways, so how would this be any different?

🕯️ When he finds out Yui has Cordelia’s heart, he almost is hurt. Considering how that’s the woman he shared most of his vulnerability with, and who exploited it.

🕯️ He wonders if Cordelia can talk to Yui in her mind, or subconscious. Considering that they’re two souls in one body.

🕯️ The more he thinks about it, the more he’s unsettled by the fact that she, the entire time, has taken a backseat and listened to every confidential conversation like some unauthorized third-party.

🕯️ When he meets Yui, and hears of her temporary permanence within the house, he instantly thinks back to his redemption that the old bride talked about.

🕯️ After all, there won’t be any more after Yui, right? This can be his chance to make the change he wants. All he has to do… is not get attached.

🕯️ This is easier said than done, considering how Yui’s blood is almost irresistible.

🕯️ During the awakening, when Yui would feel pains, Kanato would as well. Since he has her magic and all.

🕯️ He’d have migraines that would go on for days on end, and the pain in his chest? Unbearable.

🕯️ Yui and Kanato would have that one thing in common at least, being remnants of Cordelia.

︵‿୨♡୧‿︵

⇘ : : [Academics]

🕯️ Kanato is much smarter than he appears. He usually plays dumb to ensure that he isn’t found in any trouble.

🕯️ He’s really good at physics and math. Like a prodigy. The only reason why he hides it is because his mother often said if his true IQ was revealed, it’d put him at risk of being seen as competition and potential execution.

🕯️ He is quite good at the sciences, which is often a conversation point whenever he participates in class.

🕯️ He always makes it a point to participate at least once for every class he attends. Doesn’t matter how, just knowing that he did one thing is all the motivation he needs to continue.

🕯️ His schedule is as follows:

🕯️→ Semester 1: Advanced Functions (Math), Psychology, Physics, Chemistry.

🕯️→ Semester 2: Advanced English, Japanese, Accounting (Business), Calculus and Vectors (Math).

🕯️ Kanato has Psychology with Yui and often sits in the middle row, considering how he uses glasses.

🕯️ Yui finds him much more bearable and engaged when in Psychology.

🕯️ She even willing wanted to be his partner for a project. He accepted and they got the highest grade in the class.

🕯️ For all of his classes he tries to sit in the middle row.

🕯️ Karlheinz forces all the boys to take at least one business course so they’ll be prepared if any of them need to take over the family business. Kanato chose accounting since it’s closest to math and he enjoys it.

🕯️ Since he took Functions (year 2 math course) during summer school, he is in the 3rd year Advanced Functions course. Reiji, Ruki, Carla and Shuu are in his class.

🕯️ He once corrected Reiji on an answer while he was writing it on the board, to Reiji’s surprise Kanato was right and the teacher applauded Kanato for spotting his mistake.

🕯️ Reiji, Ruki, and Carla were shocked to know that Kanato’s test scores were pretty high. He even beat Reiji and Ruki, getting 100%.

🕯️ Shuu couldn’t care less since he barely shows up. He only shows up for tests, which he aces every time. This always pisses Reiji off.

🕯️ Reiji and Carla are in his Calculus and Vectors class.

🕯️ Laito is in his Advanced English class, often times he’ll tease him for working but becomes shocked when looking over at his essay for peer editing. (He barely has any mistakes.)

🕯️ Ayato and Kou are in his Japanese class. It’s especially tiring when he has to deal with the two bickering over Yui.

🕯️ During lunch, you’ll see him and Subaru eating desserts together. Kanato likes the quiet comfort Subaru offers, and Subaru likes the companionship.

🕯️ If those two aren’t together then it’s Laito and Kanato, however Laito usually ditches him at school.

︵‿୨♡୧‿︵

⇘ : : [Fashion]

🕯️ He’s really good at sewing. So good that he’s made his own clothes, and even could start a small business. (Canon fact.)

🕯️ He has a small business for clothing. He takes commissions and creates magic. This is mainly done online and his website is the cutest. Kanato really cares about the small, little, intricate details.

🕯️ He’s made clothing items for himself, Reiji, and sometimes anyone else who asks.

🕯️ Just by looking at someone, he can instantly tell what their measurements are.

🕯️ He loves the Victorian Gothic aesthetic/clothing.

🕯️ This boy loves VKEI. The clothing for him is total eye candy.

🕯️ Kanato also enjoys the ‘dark coquette’ style.

🕯️ He likes ruffles and embroidered cuffs of sleeves, along with pretty brooches that fit his outfits perfectly.

🕯️ His shoes have a ½ inch booster insole added in. He adores the clack and click in shoes when he walks, it makes him feel important.

🕯️ His shoes also have a hidden blade inside, making it accessible to him if he needs to protect himself or fight back.

🕯️ Kanato is obsessed with shiny jewelry. You’d assume he was a crow.

🕯️ After his mother died, she left most of her jewelry to Kanato. Most days you’ll see him wear her iconic jade brooch. The one that’s shaped like a flower, with 14k gold detailing. It’s one of his most prized possessions.

🕯️ He especially likes ancient jewels, the ones that carry magical properties.

🕯️ Sometimes Kanato will cross dress. He does like the fabrics and can tell what instantly suits him. However everytime he does, for whatever reason (if it’s to get something for someone else, or he’s forced,) he feels that small insecurity taunting him that he’s not and never will be ‘man enough.’

︵‿୨♡୧‿︵

⇘ : : [Magic]

🕯️ After Cordelia died, all her remaining magic/mana/powers transferred to Kanato, making him like the ‘last living remnant’ of Cordelia (not including the obvious— Yui.)

🕯️ He is really good at using magic, he’s the best out of all his brothers.

🕯️ People usually go to him if they need help with it.

🕯️ He’s memorized countless spell books, even the ones his late mother left him.

🕯️ He has pyrokinesis (Canon fact.) [Fire magic/can control fire.]

🕯️ He can perform soul transfer. (Canon fact.)

🕯️ Kanato loves contacting the other realm (realm of the dead,) he finds it interesting to hear the stories they tell.

🕯️ He has an ‘all seeing eye.’ Basically allows him to see ghosts and the dead.

🕯️ He found this out when he was 5, playing with his dolls and he saw an unknown woman sitting on his bed. She was covered in blood and she had an ax in her skull.

🕯️ This terrified him, but he mustered up the courage to acknowledge her existence.

🕯️ She didn’t say anything, just nodded to his questions. Once he brought this up to his mother but she forced him to never speak of this ability again.

🕯️→ Perhaps she was afraid? Who knows. Definitely not Kanato.

🕯️ So whenever you see him leaving an extra seat available, another cup of tea, or bowing as a greeting to a seemingly empty space— he’s acknowledging the ghosts that linger in the home.

🕯️ To his surprise, many of the brides linger. He does his best to pay his respects. He at least has some decency to not upset the dead. (Especially since they can pay it back in full.)

🕯️ The main hot spots in the home are near Reiji’s study, the hallway that leads to the grand ballroom, and the torture chamber located far beneath the house.

🕯️ Once, Reiji realized most of his supplies were misplaced in his laboratory. Turns out it was one of the brides he’d killed years ago who’d done it. Kanato never told him that, and Ayato was blamed and punished.

🕯️ In his early years, many doctors assumed he had schizophrenia.

🕯️ He was heavily medicated for a while which messed with his cognitive functions.

🕯️ Kanato regularly uses magic, even for the small, simple things. Like turning on lights, closing doors, that stuff.

🕯️ He feels that his magic is apart of him, so he really values it.

︵‿୨♡୧‿︵

⇘ : : [Bag]

Ever wondered what’s in Kanato’s bag? School Bag? Here you have it.

🕯️ Kanato has two bags. His school bag, and his small purse. (Yes he has a purse. But never call it that, it’s a man-purse. He will get insecure and embarrassed immediately.)

🕯️ In his school bag all of his binders are colour coded, along with his notes.

🕯️ Everything is perfectly organized, from his notes for each class, to his homework and old tests.

🕯️ He colour codes his notes for each subject, along with the homework assigned.

🕯️ He takes pride in his note taking skills, since they’re very aesthetic.

🕯️ Kanato keeps a reusable water bottle with him. Most are shocked that he even drinks water to begin with, but what they don’t know is how it does wonders for his skin.

🕯️ He also brings his laptop with him every day to school. Sometimes he’ll forget his charger, but normally his classmates let him borrow theirs.

🕯️ His hand-writing is sometimes messy but their legible. He’s secretly doing practice to improve his cursive.

🕯️ His pencil case is filled with those over the top cute supplies. As in, he’ll have a teddy bear eraser, and cute highlights and pencil crayons.

🕯️ In his school bag he also carries his purse.

🕯️ His purse consists of his wallet (it’s this cute polar bear), his makeup pouch, his medication (pills), and travel sized combs.

🕯️ Kanato’s makeup pouch has all of his normal makeup products but condensed to travel size. He loves his perfumes, so it’s always going to be there since he runs out of them quite easily.

🕯️ As always, the strawberry chapstick is there for himself, his brothers, and anyone else he sees that desperately needs it. Like no joke, he’s a chapstick warrior. He’s like Santa, but for chapstick. No one knows how he has the space for it, but it’s like a never-ending supply.

🕯️ Kanato also keeps his nail polish in his bag, in a small side component.

🕯️ Once he started to paint his nails in psychology, and the teacher directed the topic onto the psychological effects of red nail polish. It was interesting and he found himself amused that he could cause such a commotion based on one small thing.

I hope you stars like some of my personal HC's for Kanato. This took me two days, since I really had to think deeper about how I perceive his character.

Credits to the artist of the Kanato fanart!!

Lmk if you guys would be interested in any other HC's!!

#diabolik lovers #kanato sakamaki #diabolik lovers headcanons #dl hcs #cross-posted on ao3

57 notes · View notes

animeyanderelover · 4 months

Note

Tsukinami brothers and Cordelia Sakamaki fell in love with a human maid girl. ♥

I love your blog and youu <3

Let's be real, none of them would make good lovers.

Tw: Yandere themes, toxic relationship, power imbalance, possessive behavior, obsession, delusional thoughts, abuse, clinginess, mocking, humiliation, bullying, sadism, isolation, abduction

Human maid

Cordelia Sakamaki

🟣As the only human in the Sakamaki estate, you have hell waiting for you since you're constantly either bullied, ignored or disrespected. Even some of the children there treat you rudely but you can't do anything against it. Cordelia is by far the scariest of all of them though as you notice that even the other vampire mothers are afraid of her. You fully understand why as you have been the one to receive her wrath and discontent. So you learn to keep your head low, never speak up against her and silently take everything if she lashes out on you. You make it your job to observe her and know what she wants without realizing that it is this very submissive dedication that manages to catch her eyes. It's been a while since she has had someone paying that much attention to her and listening to her every demand as at one point you can tell what she wants from you without actually having to talk to you. She still sees you as a pathetic, little thing but your effort to please her flatters her as you slowly upgrade to her pathetic yet adorable thing.

🟣And just like that you become her own personal maid who she expects to cater to her every need. Bellatrix and Christa start avoiding you out of fear to be bullied by Cordelia and if you even do as much as offer anyone else in the mansion your service, Cordelia punishes you. She's verbally and physically very abusive if you shouldn't act like she wants you to. You have scars and bruises all over your skin on such days, dizzy from the amount of blood she consumed painfully from you. She always says cruelly in such moments that you should be glad that she even pays attention to you at all and could easily kill you if she wanted to. Behave! Behave like a mellow and obedient doll and you won't get the worst of her. Follow her always around with your head bowed, only listen to her and she'll be a bit better. Sit perfectly still when she dolls you up with dresses, make-up and jewels as she tells you in a sweeter tone that you need to look presentable when you are with her and don't flinch when her fingers caress the lines of your face gently. Be perfect for her.

Carla Tsukinami

🔮Carla barely acknowledges you at first but you prefer that over Shin's taunting behavior. As long as you do your job, Carla doesn't care for your presence a lot. You don't even know what it is that eventually causes his golden eyes to be more drawn to you yet you notice it almost instantly. How his piercing orbs scrutinize your every move all of a sudden as you act as submissive and loyal as you are supposed to as a maid. It scares you but when he one day saves you from Shin who was just about to suck your blood again, you're too grateful to think much about it at first. From that day on he lets you spend a lot more time with him in his office where Shin isn't really allowed. He graciously takes care of your wounds as he bandages them and rubs ointment on all scars and open wounds. You're still grateful and thank him multiple times for his kindness to help you, although when you look up you can't help but shiver whilst looking into his eyes who seemingly drill into your soul as he takes in your form, your scent, those innocent and anxious eyes looking into his own.

🔮Suddenly you aren't allowed to leave his chambers anymore and whilst you initially assume that he just doesn't want you to run into Shin again, the possessive and hungry light in his eyes tells you another story. His presence all of a sudden dangerous and suffocating as he tells you once to head back into his room and you do as he tells you, your body so terrified that it's moving on his own. You are safe from Shin from now on but you have gone from one hell into another hell as you soon come to realize. You're punished for the slightest sign of disrespect as Carla doesn't tolerate any sign of rebellious attitude and so you spend days without food and water in a cold cell, chained to the wall and at the mercy of whatever Carla has in store for you. It's such a stark contrast to when you're instead cuddled up in his arms in his private chambers and he shares his knowledge of the world in a low tone with you. You fear the Carla who hurts you and acts so coldly towards you and do your best to please him so that you only see the gentler side of him. Slowly but surely, you break for him. And that is exactly Carla's plan.

Shin Tsukinami

🐺Shin makes his disrespect for you blatant as he sees you as little more than a plaything when you first arrive. You're a human after all, know your place. He doesn't let you do your tasks properly as he ruins your work for you. He pushes you around, bullies you, abuses you sexually, scares you and gives you a bright grin when he sees you breaking down in tears before he suddenly grabs your arm and yanks you up, demanding you to clean the mess he just created and prepare something for him. There is never a day where he doesn't give you a break as he is delighted to see your tears, although he also appreciates a bit of sass since it'll make it only more amusing to break you. He is a living nightmare and it is highly likely that you won't even notice that he has developed something for you because he acts exactly the same. He still sees you as a lesser being and you always will be. In fact he seems to be even more persistent now and you initially assume he just wants to torment you more.

🐺Until one day, he stops. He stops abusing you as badly. Sure, he is still acting like the worst dick you've ever met but there isn't as much abuse anymore. Instead he's clingy and whiny as he yanks you away from your tasks and insists that you spend more time with him. Then the next morning, he's acting like you expect him to act. He suddenly switches back and forth between clingy and entitled to sadistic and psychopathic. You can not predict him anymore as he can seemingly switch from one mood to another within a single second and it makes you paranoid beyond belief. He's unpredictable so you can't even adapt your behavior in hopes of never eliciting his bad side out of him because your own behavior never dictates his actions. It's his own mood and what he is feeling at the moment and you can not influence that. You are adorable like this though as you constantly walk on eggshells around him. You flinch when he wraps his arms around you from behind, his hot breath fanning your neck as you can only wait if he'll bite you painfully or instead just place a kiss on your neck.

#yandere diabolik lovers #yandere cordelia #yandere cordelia sakamaki #yandere carla #yandere carla tsukinami #yandere shin #yandere shin tsukinami

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becomingbuffypodcast · 7 months

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Who get the biggest passes from Buffyverse fans and can you give examples of the worst things these characters do?

Well this is a juicy question.

Spike, and Cordelia.

Interestingly, at some point, both characters were given the role of calling Buffy out on her "crap." James Marsters even talks about how he was brought in as a replacement for Cordelia in season 4, but then was replaced by Anya when they decided to do something else with him.

With Cordy being the mean girl, and Spike the soulless vampire, the writers had the freedom to use these characters to say and do some incredibly cruel things towards Buffy in the name of "brutal honesty," while also excusing their behavior because they weren't meant to be the hero...at least initially.

This worked a little too well, as Charisma and James were amazing in their roles. Each character is charming, beautiful, multifaceted, and extremely funny.

The problem is, you can't keep your characters stagnate, so the writers were forced to give Cordy and Spike character growth, but also find a way to retain who they are. This is incredibly difficult when your character was literally written to clash with Buffy, and is popular for saying mean, biting things in the name of "tough love."

-Cordelia-

While Queen C is more than the resident mean girl, her cruel words and selfish behavior are praised as "truth" and confidence, with her belittling nearly every member of the Scooby gang. She is constantly pitting herself against Buffy; (Homecoming, Halloween, etc) demeaning and belittling her when Buffy has personally saved her life several times. She begins to show signs of character growth in season 3, but once Xander cheats on her, reverts right back to blaming Buffy for everything. Instead of holding Xander accountable for his actions, she makes a wish that Buffy never came to Sunnydale, and then never sees the consequences for her own actions.

Even after her move to LA, she calls Buffy a cry-Buffy, blames her for turning Angel into Angelus, emasculates Wesley, victim blames and shames a SA survivor (Untouched), and is generally just careless about what she says or does, with no thought about how her words effect others.

Personally, while I do see some growth over her time on Angel, I do not buy her characterization in the later seasons where she is drastically changed to become a Champion, and then shoe-horned into a relationship with Angel. On top of that, she never atones for or even recognizes her need to change for her awful behavior, and that makes it very hard for me to forgive her for her past sins, let alone root for her.

It's possible that with better writing and without Joss being a horrible person, that her transition would have been more organic and believable.

-Spike-

For a show about feminism, the writers really spend a lot of time on this man. He steals Buffy's underwear, stalks her, makes a sex robot that looks just like her, attempts to kill her multiple times, boasts about killing and torturing other slayers, justifies it by saying they wanted it, ties her up, then spends a season belittling her just so that she'll sleep with him. THEN when she refuses sex with him, attempts to force himself on her.

And for those of you who say, "oh he just didn't have a soul yet." Fine.

After he had a soul, he boasts about assaulting her, shames her for using him for sex when he knew she didn't love him, shames her for not loving him, and blames her for the reason he's tortured with having a soul. (Beneath You)

He nearly kills Robin Wood, and then mocks him for not being loved by his mother (which is proven to be false in "Damage"), all while wearing the coat that he stole from Robin's mother after he killed her.

Not once does he apologize to Buffy or attempt to hold himself accountable, even after he has a soul. It is not until "Damage" on Angel that we see any sort of unselfish remorse.

Then to add insult to injury, season 7 has Buffy spending so much time taking care of Spike, rescuing Spike, training with Spike, reassuring Spike that he is a good man...all to the detriment of her other relationships. People like to blame the Potentials for why season 7 is as clunky as it is, but I blame the focus on Spike.

Even worse, the show doesn't seem to want Spike to change, as there's hardly a difference between pre souled and ensouled Spike. And that goes against the show's core tenant of choice and growth.

From the very beginning, vampires represent the opposite of adolescence in that they are stagnate and do not change. "Fool for Love" very clearly establishes that Spike's persona is created to compensate for his lack of an identity. Cecily's rejection of him deeply wounds him and he is shown to create a facade to mask his insecurities. So he takes from powerful women and forms a false identity around them to prove that he is not beneath them. The episode emphasizes this pattern with Cecily, Dru, and the two Slayers, continuing in present day with Buffy.

In order to be consistent with the lore and message of the show, ensouled Spike needed to look a lot different from un-ensouled Spike, but the writers knew he wouldn't be as popular.

And so we're left with a half baked season where we're supposed to believe that Buffy is distant from everyone but Spike, who looks the exact same as he did the season before when he tried to force himself on her.

It's just icky. It's the opposite of empowering. It blurs the lines of the lore. And it sends the wrong message.

We can like these characters and even root for them, but we need to be honest about their flaws, and not justify awful writing and problematic characterization.

#buffy summers #buffy the vampire slayer #buffy btvs #tv: btvs #buffy watching #becomingbuffypodcast #sarah michelle gellar #alyson hannigan #buffy anne summers #btvs s5 #anti spuffy #anti spike #anti cordelia #bangel #buffy and angel #buffythevampireslayer #not really anti #i dont hate them

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someonefantastic · 2 years

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so the line in Faith, Hope & Trick where Buffy says that after slaying she “sometimes craves a non-fat yogurt" bugs me (and those on the cangel discord as well) because with the amount of calories Buffy must burn she should be allowed to eat more than just a non-fat yogurt. to rectify that, here are a bunch of food related headcanons:

shortly after becoming the slayer, Buffy realizes that she’s hungry nearly all of the time

we’re talking like wakes up to raid the fridge at three in the morning hungry

Joyce notices too and chalks it up to Buffy being a growing girl and starts preparing heartier meals and stocking up on extra filling snacks

when she starts at Sunnydale, Giles is already prepared

apparently this is a common thing for slayers cause he has drawers filled with protein bars and when she comes into the library after school he usually has a sandwich or wrap prepared and Buffy’s like “sir, I’ve only known you for like a week”

she really appreciates it though

one time when they go on patrol together he has a bag of orange slices and Buffy calls him a soccer mom

Willow is the one who most consistently has snacks though

no one knows where she gets them though, she’ll be wearing a dress with no pockets and not be carrying a bag or anything and Buffy will make a comment about being hungry and the next thing she knows a homemade granola bar is being shoved into her hand

years later Xander is still convinced that Willow learned how to use magic before she actually started actively practicing it just for magic snacks

speaking of Xander, he’s Buffy’s snack buddy

the classes where they sit next to each other, they’ll just pass a bag of pretzels or chips back and forth until the teacher tells them to knock it off

*dead silent room as they take a test* *CRUNCH* “it was Xander!” “Buffy!”

the real reason why Xander becomes snack run guy is because between him and Buffy, Giles’ slayer snack supply is in serious detriment so he makes Xander go because “if you both insist on eating me out of house and home, than at least one of you should go get more snacks” and since Buffy is the slayer, Xander gets snack duty

it means he gets first food pick though so it’s not a bad gig

Buffy has a frequent punch card at Mister Donut

actually they all do

also the nice thing about dating guys with affinities for trench coats is that they have lots of pockets to keep protein bars or trail mixes in, plus since Angel and Spike are on liquid diets so there’s no worry of either them mooching

(side note but after each one winds up in L.A. they’re still finding random food in their pockets--Spike especially has no clue how, he’s a ghost after all. Angel used his to give to scared victims or Cordelia when she was first starting out and couldn’t really afford food. When Spike shows up in L.A. he alternates between throwing the trail mix nuts at Angel and giving his snacks to those who need them)

it’s not just snacks though

Buffy is the first to go back for seconds... and thirds and no one bats an eye

sometimes after they save the world (again), the scoobies will go out to get burgers or whatever fast food is open and Buffy winds up with like six burgers or tacos or [insert food here]

Willow is very generous about sharing her fries

Xander will only share them after being persuaded by the joined forces of puppy eyes from Buffy and Willow

Giles is still ranting about the choice of food in America

the scoobies or Giles or whoever automatically doubling a recipe when Buffy is invited over without giving it a second thought

they all want her to eat as much as she wants without feeling bad about it or worrying someone else won’t get fed

the ones who like to cook or at least can cook have a few recipes under their belt that are high in protein and other stuff to help a growing slayer

by the time Faith rolls around, they’ve got their food game down

Faith is actually really surprised by how quick they are to hand her a yogurt or pull out a sandwich or give her a bagel, sometimes even before she makes a comment about being hungry

not to make this sad but after she starts going dark, she notices how they become less and less forthcoming with their food

this is purely self indulgent but I love the idea of the honorary/secondary scoobies being indoctrinated into the snack life

they hang out with Buffy, Willow, and Xander for like two weeks and the next thing they know they’re carrying around extra food

Cordelia, less than a week after she “helps” Buffy and the other scoobies kill the master “why the hell am I bringing two smoothies to school?”

her housekeeper actually makes really good smoothies though, Buffy is secretly always thankful when Cordelia shows up to school with an extra thermos

Oz just always has beef jerky

Anya is a little less helpful in the snack department but she reads a book on food and nutrition and talks about the merits of calories and proteins and other food stuff for like an hour straight

she means well

also she can’t really cook but she almost always has ice cream to share

and strange cheeses

I feel like Tara would make the best oatmeal raisin cookies, maybe she also has like sunflower seeds and bags of granola on her too

she’s the one who jumps on the snack train the fastest, she hears Willow mention Buffy and snacks once and the next thing they know she’s got her school bag filled

Dawn steals a lot of Buffy’s food

she uses the “I’m a growing girl too. You know... teenager” excuse often

it works usually

not food related but there’s at least two water bottles a person at all times

hydration is important folks

anyway this got really long but I simply love the idea of Buffy being allowed to eat a lot of food without being made to feel bad about it and the rest of her friends/family supporting her fully

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badboyzbingobrunch · 1 year

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Gorgeous 18+ (part 2)

Hawthorne Michael Langdon x Fem witch reader

( enemies to lovers, angst, fluff, smut)

Part 1 Part 2

Summary:

After the announcement that a warlock will be completing the 7 wonders, both the Hawthorne School for Exceptional Young Men, and Miss Robichaux's Academy for Exceptional Young Ladies try to put up an appearance of peace between the rival schools. This new chapter of peace between witches and warlocks has a potential to pave the way for the future of magic, but when Hawthorne’s “Wonder boy” is found out to be a cheat by (y/n) she fights to make him reveal himself.

******************************************************

“I’m glad you are awake. I brought these for you.” William lifted a small bouquet of yellow roses in a clear vase. “William, what are you doing here?” Ms. Benson and Cordelia looked to each other before Cordelia asked, “You two know each other?” I nodded and gestured for him to enter. “We are acquainted, yes.” William handed me the flowers and nodded in acknowledgment to my supreme and instructor. “How do you know where his room is?” Williams hand rested on the back of his neck anxiously. “His room is across the hall from mine. We often bump into one another. He’s been pretty much confined there since the incident.”

I handed the roses to Cordelia and grabbed ahold of William’s hand before pulling him into the hallway. “Slow down! You’re going to pull my arm off!” I stopped and released his wrist. “I’m sorry. It’s just important. He was punished for no reason!” William nodded in understanding. “I get that, but you already told them that he didn’t do anything, why do you have to tell him yourself?” He’s right. Why do I need to be the one to tell him, he’s bound to find out, but for some reason I needed to see him. Why? “It’s okay, follow me. I’ll take you.”

William’s upbeat attitude soothed my troubled mind. His hand rubbed soothing circles on my back. “Thanks, William.” He smiled softly. “Billy. My friends call me Billy.” I smiled in return at the sudden warmth in my chest of being considered his friend. “We’re friends now?” He nodded and pulled his hand from my back into his pants pocket. “That’s right!” Billy, huh? He was sweet. Handsome too. The way his chocolate eyes sparkled when he saw me. I wonder what he thinks about me? I quickly pushed those thoughts away. I was only going to be here for a couple of weeks. I already lost 2 days.

Billy stopped at a large wooden door. “This is him. Do you want me to stay?” I shook my head. “I should be okay. Thank you.” He gestured with his thumb behind him. “Okay, I’ll be just across the hall if you need me.” I thanked him once more and watched him disappear into his room. I took a deep breath and gently knocked on Michael’s door. I could hear shuffling from the other side and within seconds the door opened. Michael stood before me. Thick golden hair disheveled, and his usual tidy uniform was replaced by a black tee shirt and black ripped jeans. His face shifted from irritation to rage when he realized it was me. “Come to rub my nose in it?”

******************************************************

Michael POV:

“What exactly did you tell them? Because there are a lot of rumors going around?” (Y/n)’s brows furrowed in contemplation. “The truth, what did you hear?” Her voice was defiant and proud like she couldn’t believe what I was telling her. “Well..” I started as I walked around her. “Some people have been saying that I put a sleeping hex on you.” She scoffed and gestured to herself. “Do I look like the victim of a hex to you?” I have a feeling she doesn’t want to hear how she looks to me.

I carelessly brushed a strand of hair that was out of place back over her shoulder. She started to shrink under my curious gaze. My tongue moved to moisten my suddenly dry lips. She watched this action before looking away and swallowing hard. Well, what do we have here? Pink cheeks, nervous fidgeting, refusing to look at me, I think she might like me. Something about this squared my shoulders with pride. I wonder if I can make her forget her pretentiousness. Or maybe I can use it to play with her. “Others are saying that you were so afraid of me that you fainted.”

She rolled her eyes and once more dramatically gestured to herself. “If I’m so afraid of you, why would I be here?!” Got her. I lifted my arms in an exaggerated stretch and smirked as her eyes immediately went to the small patch of skin revealed by my tee shirt lifting. This is too easy. “That reminds me, why are you here, (y/n)?” I lowered my voice just a fraction and the effect was perfect. Her chest rose sharply as I spoke her name barely above a whisper. “I would have been alerted that I was no longer being punished for a crime I didn’t commit, but you wanted to do it. Alone. Why?” Her lip trembled slightly. Was she going to cry? Did I go too far with my teasing?

I was close to apologizing when she locked eyes with me again “I don’t really know, you were the first person I wanted to see when I woke up.” Her confidence caught me off guard. I backed up a fraction as I contemplated what she had just confessed. Does she even know what she just said? She must have, right? I mentally cursed myself as I felt my cheeks warm. “Sorry, I’m gonna go. I just wanted you to know that I didn’t get you into trouble on purpose. Bye!” She suddenly left me alone with my thoughts as she ran out of my room and down the hallway. Cute.

******************************************************

(Y/n) POV

I have never been more embarrassed in my entire life! Why did I act like that! He’s totally playing with me, and I let him get under my skin! I ran straight to my room. “What’s wrong with you?” Amber was visibly annoyed by my sudden burst into our room. “Sorry. I just….embarrassed…ya know?” She rolled her eyes and returned to applying her makeup. “No.” There was a sudden knock on the door which startled Amber into smearing her eyeliner. I tried to suppress a smile. Why does she have such a bad attitude today? She didn’t even have anything to say about the fact that I’d been asleep for two days in the infirmary.

I opened the door revealing Michael in his usual tidy uniform. “You change fast.” His breath hitched only a fraction at my comment. “Sorry, did that sound weird?” Amber was suddenly beside me. “Well, well, (y/n). Aren’t you going to introduce me to your very handsome friend?” Michael suddenly looked from me to her with a tight smile. “My name is Michael Langdon, you should leave.” I opened my mouth to object to his rudeness, but Amber seemed to be under some sort of influence. “Of course. I’ll be going.” Her voice was monotone. Michael moved out of her way and she left. “Why did you do that? It’s rude to just use your magic on people like that!” He shrugged before gesturing inside. “I was practicing for the 7 wonders, May I come in?” I stood firmly in his way. “Why?”

He shifted from foot to foot awkwardly. “I need your help with magic.” I raised a skeptical brow and crossed my arms. “Why would you need my help?” He bit onto his bottom lip and sighed in defeat. “Because I put way too much into my spells and I always end up exhausted. I need your help learning self control… Please?” My chest fluttered at his soft tone. He was really self conscious about this. “Okay.” I stepped to the side and allowed him into my room. To my dismay he immediately began exploring and touching everyone’s things. “Which bed is yours?” I took a seat in the middle of the floor. “None of your business, now come here.” He pointed to the bed behind me. “It’s that one. I know it.”

He was correct, but I kept my face unreadable. “Michael~” He sighed in defeat and sat in front of me crossing his long legs as he did so. “You are all business, miss (L/n).” I nodded eagerly. “Oh yeah.” He laughed softly at my comment. I admired the way his stone face came to life when he smiled. “You don’t need to be so serious.” I gestured to him. “What about you? You are so serious.” One part of the rumor was true. He did scare me when he shouted in the classroom. Seing him relaxed like this, I wouldn’t believe he was the same person. “Why did you get so upset before?” He raised a curious brow waiting for me to clarify. “When I said you have nothing to prove.” He nodded as he understood what I was asking.

“You have no idea how much pressure is on me to perform well and learn fast. My father..has plans for me.” Is he not dead? Why would he need a summoning circle if his father isn’t dead. Thoughts raced around my mind about witch unions with demonic spirits resulting in powerful children to keep their bloodline strong. “Your father’s a demon.”

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Michael POV

How could she assume something so close to the truth? I have told her absolutely nothing! I wanted to run. She noticed my discomfort and rested a warm hand onto my knee. “I’m sorry, it isn’t my business. You seem like you would like to keep your personal life private.” I relaxed under her touch. Did she mean that? Did she really not expect answers from me? Everyone expects so much from me. “How did you know my father wasn’t a warlock?” She shrugged. “Billy said that you contact him with summoning circles and he assumes that your dad is dead, but you just confirmed he was alive. It’s pretty common for witches from powerful bloodlines to couple with demons in order to keep their lines powerful. I just put the pieces together.” I suddenly couldn’t shake the thought of if she were one of those witches. Could she know what I was and still want me? Did she crave power like those witches did. “Would you couple with a demon for power?”

She choked on something. Whether it was saliva, air, or her own embarrassment, she couldn’t stop coughing. “What?” Heat rushed to my cheeks as I repeated myself. “Would you have sex with a demon in order to gain power?” She shook her head, and my stomach tightened in an unfamiliar sensation, was I disappointed? No I was familiar with that feeling. This was new to me. “I would have to really like someone to let them into my bed. Plus, it wouldn’t give me power, only give me a powerful child.” A small flicker of hope washed my discomfort away. She didn’t say that she wouldn’t let a demon into her bed, just that she had to really like them.

A sudden thought of jealousy plagued my thoughts and washed away my short lived hope. “Who is Billy?” She pointed to me. “Your dorm neighbor “Billy Banks.” Realization finally overcame me. She was talking about that twiggy boy who’s room is across the hall from mine. “William… How do you know him?” Her lips were plump from her anxious habit of biting them, and at my question they pulled into a smirk. “Why? Jealous?” A single beat didn’t even pass before I answered. “Yes.”

******************************************************

(Y/N) POV

I shivered from the intensity of his ocean eyes and sudden confession. The room was suddenly cold but my body felt like it was on fire. I wanted to move but his gaze pinned me in place daring me to react or move. I looked nervously at my hand still resting on his knee. His head tilted to the side as he watched me. He made no move at all. It was like a game of chess and it was my move. I suddenly swallowed a lump in my throat. “He’s a friend.” No reaction at all. What did I even want from this? I wanted Michael to move, to do anything to break this tension between us. “(Y/n)...” his voice was rough and low. He spoke my name like it was a flower. Something precious. “Michael?…” I didn’t notice when we started getting closer.

“I want to kiss you…” Oh my… his voice was nothing but a breathy whisper that made my entire body ache. “Please do…” I expected him to suddenly smirk or tease me, but the tension only continued to build. “I’ve never done it before… will you show me?” He couldn’t be serous. I leaned back to see his face still held that intensity. Maybe he was. I was breathless and couldn’t find the words to say okay, so I nodded and moved my hands to rest onto his shoulders. I liked this side of Michael. He seemed so sweet. “Close your eyes.” My voice was weak. Just barely over a whisper and it showed how nervous I was. Michael’s eyelids closed slowly displaying his reluctance to look away from me.

Once they were closed I moved closer and my hands raised to cradle his head while I tilted it up to meet my trembling lips. He inhaled sharply at the contact. His lips were warm and soft and I started moving mine against them. His hands held me firmly against his chest as he began to reciprocate. He couldn’t possibly be new at this. Kissing him felt so right. I could feel an ache between my legs and I absentmindedly started to move my hips as the kiss deepened. I couldn’t control the moan that slipped past my lips and into his mouth. My tongue teased his bottom lip as I was more than eager to taste him. He parted his lips for me, and I slipped inside. He was very new to this. He tentatively began to explore my mouth with his tongue and moved me onto my back as he grew more comfortable.

He pulled away and looked down at me. His hair was once more disheveled, his pupils were blown until they swallowed the beautiful blue. He pulled his tie down a fraction to make it easier for him to breathe and I felt very self-conscious of my own position sprawled out beneath him. He was between my legs already with my skirt slipping up my thighs. He was shaking with his hands on either side of my head. “Michael…” He closed his eyes and groaned at the sound of my voice. “Please don’t say anything… I need to calm down.” Why? “Do you want to stop?” His eyes snapped open. Instead of his pupils covering his Iris his entire eye was black resembling his demon heritage. “It’s okay. I’m not afraid of you.” He scoffed softly as he tried to control his heavy breathing. “You should be. If you had any idea what I wanted to do to you, you would be.”

I lifted my hand against his straining erection resulting in a strangled moan falling from his lips as he fell forward. “I’m not stupid, Michael. I know what you want to do to me. Have you ever… before?” He shook his head as I continued to rub my thumb against him. “I can help you. If you want?” He pressed his forehead against my shoulder as I started stroking him with my whole hand. “Have you ever..?” I bit onto my lip as I contemplated what to say. In my experience guys didn’t like it when girls have been with other guys, but I can’t lie to him.

“Once, but it was a while ago, and I didn’t really want it. I just didn’t want to be a virgin anymore.” I tried to push back the memories, but luckily Michael pulled me into the present here with him his unnatural eyes looking into mine. “Do you want THIS?” I nodded slowly. “Very much, yes.” He placed a gentle kiss on my lips. “Then tell me what I need to do.” I looked over to my bed. “Let’s move to the bed. As much as I want you, the floor still isn’t how I want you to experience your first time.” His eyes started to shift back to their magnificent blue irises. “Are you here with me?” He nodded and placed affectionate kisses along my jaw and collar bone. “You’re really sweet, (y/n). Thank you for thinking of me, but I also want your first time with me to be perfect.”

He reluctantly pulled away from me and helped me to stand. “Which bed is yours? Or should I just pick one and hope for the best?” His lips tickled my ear as he spoke making me laugh and shiver from the sensation. “You guessed right earlier.” His tongue darted out to wet the corner of his mouth. “I knew it.” He picked me up so suddenly that I squeaked. “I thought you were an angel? Are you a mouse now?” I couldn’t contain my laughter at his playful tone. He placed me down on the bed flat on my back and I sighed in relief when his lips began kissing me tenderly. My own lips chased after his when he suddenly pulled away. “What do I do now?” anything you want to me. “It helps if you make sure I am ready for you first.” His brows furrowed as he examined me trying to understand what I meant. “You remember how I was stroking you?” He nodded slowly. “Well, you can touch me too. Girls become wet when we want sex. We also become looser when aroused, but you can make sure I am stretched enough to handle you.” his brows furrowed together as he took in this information, but he remained irritatingly still. The more time passed the more desperate I became. “Michael, please just touch me.” My voice came out as a soft whine that caused his eyes to darken. “I like that sound.”

I grabbed his hand and slipped it into my panties. “I will make it more if you touch me like this.” His nimble fingers explored my aching vulva, and as his middle finger teased my entrance I whimpered. “Please, Michael.” His lips pressed against the side of my neck as he gently pushed his finger inside of me. “You are very wet. You must really want this huh? Tell me how much you want it?” He began moving his finger in and out as he experimented with the right movement and tried different angles. “I want this so badly, Michael. You can stretch me more with another finger. Once you can fit about three fingers in me I will be ready for your cock.” He quirked a brow at that. “Cock?” I frustratingly reached down to show him what I meant. “This.” He groaned at the sudden contact and awarded me with another finger inside my soaked hole. “This is going to go inside of me, and then I’m yours.”

His hips bucked at my words. “Mine? Do you mean it? You will be mine?” I nodded eagerly. “Yes, Michael. All yours.” One more finger stretched me. I gripped his forearm as he curled the fingers inside of me earning a sharp moan.He suddenly groaned in irritation and looked down at me apologetically. “You are going to hate this, but we have to stop.”

I sat up suddenly worried. “Why, what’s wrong?” He slipped his fingers out of me and headed into the bathroom and returned with a warm wet washcloth and began cleaning the mess between my legs. He leaned in for one more kiss then adjusted himself and tidied his uniform. “The grand chancellor is on his way with the supreme.” He helped me onto my feet and tidied my hair and uniform before taking a seat onto the floor. I quickly placed candles around him and he began holding them in front of him to light them with his mind but they weren’t lighting. “I usually use my blood to light them.”I was surprised that he couldn’t complete such a simple task the traditional way. “You can’t light them this way?” He sighed in exaggerated irritation. “What do you want from me? I am obviously struggling! That’s why I came to you in the first place!” Michael winked as a knock sounded at the door. I quickly opened it revealing the two people that Michael said were on their way. “(Y/n), what are you two doing in here?” Cordelia asked and examined Michael as he lit the candle with his mind. “I did it!” The grand chancellor spoke next. “Are you helping him practice the 7 wonders?”

#michael langdon x reader #michael langdon #hawthorn Michael #Michael Langdon imagine #Michael Langdon fluff #michael langdon smut #michael langdon x you #Michael langdon x witch #enemies to lovers #slow burn #bad boy #michael langdon au

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alastairstom · 1 month

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Would be curious to hear more of your thoughts on the James-Matthew-Cordelia "love triangle" situation sometime. Personally I've always viewed most if not all of CC's love triangles and "love triangles" as narrative dialogues and I'm sure this is happening in some way, shape, or form with the not-exactly-an-actual-love-triangle-really situation in TLH but I've never exactly been able to figure out what it's a conversation about.

Okay so I think I've talked about this a little bit before but I haven't really gone into detail about why the TLH "love triangle" doesn't fall under the actual love triangle category.

In a MFM love triangle a woman character is in the center between two men. Both men offer her something different to the central girl, and they each care for her, have their merits, and offer something different to her. She must explore both relationships and make a decision.

This is true enough of the Heronfairstairs "love triangle." Both James and Matthew are wonderful people and have a lot to offer.

However, a love triangle necessitates that the character be torn between her feelings for the two characters. Cordelia has loved James since she was 13/14 years old. This is information that we glean at the beginning of Chain of Gold. From her first appearance until her last, Cordelia's romantic affections belong wholly to James.

This is fact #1: Cordelia made her choice long before the series began. It was always made clear to the readers that Herondaisy was the endgame. The entire romantic plotline in TLH works up to their remaining married, and in love, until the stars burn out.

Now, we have fact #2: Matthew knows this. From the beginning, Matthew knows that he is not actually going to live out an idyllic HEA with Cordelia. He knows that she loves James; he says as much in Chain of Iron, when he drops in through Cordelia's window. This admission not only demonstrates that Matthew is aware of his position in their dynamic but also that he has the ability to observe the feelings of those around him and draw correct conclusions on his own.

Fact #3: Matthew is insanely self-destructive, and in Anna's words he 'seems to prefer a helpless love.' Self-destructive tendencies are a core part of Matthew's character, and they do not begin and end with alcoholism. Even before picking up drinking, Matthew was calling himself 'a waste of space in a waistcoat' in Cast Long Shadows. His using romance as a method of self-destructing should come as no surprise, but this was also set up really well even before TLH started. The entire point of Matthew's crush on Lucie was to exemplify that he preferred a hopeless love.

And what's more hopeless - and more painful - than loving your best friend's wife? Nothing.

I will say that I do not think that this is the only reason Matthew loves Cordelia. I think that, as Thomas says, it is not so much romantic love as it is a sense of absolution - Cordelia is the outsider that does not know Matthew, so he shared his secret with her, which caused him to bond/imprint on her. But also... we'd be remiss not to note that Cordelia is wonderful. She's brave, big-hearted, and an extremely warm person; she's funny and bright and bold. She is a good friend to Matthew. I just felt the need to say that to be fair to Cordelia too.

Now, we move onto fact #4. James and Cordelia had their own main romantic plotline as well. And it's good. Here are some things about James and Cordelia that are all unequivocally true:

They have loved each other since they were children.

James was able to break a Prince of Hell's enchantment because of just how much he loved Cordelia.

Cordelia and James were a real actual married couple from the second Cordelia set foot into 48 Curzon Street. Like, I am sorry, but that was never a fake marriage even when they were clowning.

James and Cordelia have exuded massive soulmate energy from moment one. Neither of them have ever wanted anyone else.

Which brings us to Matthew. Matthew, who prefers a hopeless love. Matthew, who knows at least subconsciously that nothing would be more hopeless or painful than falling in love with his parabatai's extremely obvious soulmate.

This is why I believe Cassie chose to make these plotlines intersect. It is a testament to the strength of James and Cordelia's bond, but it is also a very good way to showcase just how bad Matthew's self destructive tendencies are since it's obvious how much he loves James.

We do not have the makings of a love triangle. We have the makings of two intersecting plotlines:

A Big Soulmate Energy love story that all Hell's power can't extinguish, and

The story of a boy with horrible mental health that massively self-destructs in the worst possible way.

And it hits.

Because fact #5 is that Cordelia and Matthew's 'escape' to Paris is just that - rampant, unrealistic escapism.

Did anyone reading TLH ever think that Matthew stood a chance? Did Matthew ever think that Matthew stood a chance? The answer to the former question should be NO assuming the audience has media literacy. The answer to the latter is no as well - at least not until Paris.

Matthew goes to Paris extremely impulsively. He plans on going alone. I like this because it sets him up as someone who loves travel. It makes his choice to go on a Voyage post-ChoT very satisfying, and it's good character-building/foreshadowing. But it also shows that he was not in a good mental place and needed to escape from London, escape from JamesandCordelia because there are no spaces between their names in his eyes or anyone else's anymore.

Cordelia goes to Paris because she is forced to wedge spaces between their names. James and Cordelia must be seperate again. She's also grieving her dad who died like 2 weeks ago maximum.

Both Cordelia and Matthew use Paris - and each other - as a means of running away from their problems. They pretend to be different people with no issues and have a good time. But it isn't real.

JamesandCordelia is real, and James's appearance in Paris and Cordelia's departure because of his drinking ultimately is Matthew's rock bottom as he realizes that JamesandCordelia are meant to be.

This is not a love triangle. These are two plotlines that hit each other in all the right places and force all three characters to grow and confront their needs to escape and avoid their feelings.

I think that this is why it's genius. It's complex, but it's also devastatingly simple: Herondaisy's love was so strong that Matthew used it as a vehicle for hurting himself over and over.

And this is why Matthew's leaving London at the end of ChoT is so satisfying as well. In London, he is likely to get sucked back into old habits; watching JamesandCordelia build what promises to be a beautiful life would be to engage in self-harm again. Leaving is Matthew actively choosing to take care of himself, to find a path where he can love himself and find another love that is not hopeless.

In the end, the Heronfairstairs "love triangle" is the manifestation and exemplification of Matthew Fairchild's mental health journey. It's not really part of JamesandCordelia's journey at all.

And I think that's what a lot of people fail to see about it, and that's why people get frustrated. They fundamentally have misinterpreted the purpose as "romantic drama" when it's not a romantic story at all. Essentially people are looking at a ripe orange and going "well that's the shittiest-looking apple I've ever seen," which as self-proclaimed #1 Matthew Fairchild Stan gets frustrating as hell.

#matthew fairchild #james herondale #cordelia carstairs #tlh #tsc deep dives

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jennycalendar · 6 months

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thoughts thoughts thoughts about xander not even trying to fight for cordelia or change her mind in the same way willow repeatedly begs oz for a chance to make it right. i think it says soooo much about both of them and it's the last wondrous little horrific miscommunication i will see from them so legally i have to talk about it.

xander wanted this thing to fail! like from the get-go he was prepared for it to crash and burn, and now that it's happening, i truly think his perspective is "well, this was inevitable and it sucks, but i knew i would always fuck it up, and it's probably for the best that i just leave forever so that she isn't even more horrifically ruined after having to deal with me." and this, like with willow, is a pattern we are going to see in later seasons. this is very consistent. he picks strong women who will push back against him (or who he thinks/hopes will push back against him) and when they become attached enough to him that they actually start wanting to listen to him and share their life with him, he systemically blows the whole thing up because he can't handle the notion of punishing someone he loves with having to be in a long-term relationship with him. so he doesn't fight for cordelia because he thinks he will make it worse if they stay together. him not fighting for her is his act of love. (and thoughts thoughts thoughts about how this is also something that giles does later with buffy...)

meanwhile, cordelia HAS put all of her eggs in the xander basket! she's talked about being in love with him, she's got him on her locker door -- but none of this is information that she communicates to him in a way that is straightforward or unguarded, and i feel like fandom glosses over that a hell of a lot. when xander is thrown by her having pictures of him and tells her he's surprised he's locker door material, her response is "just barely. plus, i look way cute in those photos." even this moment of tenderness between them is barbed and attempting to diminish any potential hint that she cares about him. we hear her tell buffy that she loves xander, but xander is never connected with that information. he doesn't know because she's afraid of what he'll do with it, and she has good reason to be! & yet this is still someone she loves, and from her perspective, he kisses the best friend that he's spent months belittling her for being jealous of, then puts her down and walks away without a moment's hesitation. in her eyes this is easy to him and she is being left behind.

#celia watches btvs #meta #xandelia #im going to miss them so much </3 rip my worsties. every part of your relationship was perfect and this is no exception

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captain-amadeus · 3 months

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Do you think Cedric is overrated, or just given so much attention that the fandom forgets the other characters exist? /gen

Also, I couldn't agree more about how wrong it is to put Cedric on a pedestal to make Roland look terrible; the man is an amazing father, and I will die on that hill!!

My opinion on Cedric in the fandom isn't as interesting as my opinion on the fandom's one-sidedness with King Roland.

I know I talk about Roland a lot, but man, I have so much to say about him that just doesn't get said enough.

I have so much to say about how the fandom is so biased with him and Cedric. The fact that he can't be a character who makes mistakes and learns from them is insane, especially since Cedric isn't a perfect person himself.

Even if Cedric's motives to take over the kingdom are sympathetic, it doesn't justify his actions. He was wrong in wanting to take over the kingdom and in hurting others like Sofia in his attempts, but people like Roland were wrong for doubting him for so long and believing the notion that he's not capable of great things.

Although Roland wasn't the main driving force in Cedric wanting to get back at everyone, those rightfully go to Goodwyn and Cordelia, he failed in being a needed support for Cedric because of how he was raised off the idea that Cedric isn't capable of being like his father.

There is so much grey area where Roland has a reason for thinking and acting how he does, just like Cedric in how he thinks and acts. There is nuance to both of their characters that the fandom neglects with Roland in favor of making him this black and white character, and it ultimately makes him unrecognizable to how he was in canon to the point that I could mistake someone's depiction on him for Roland's father. That's what they all remind me of: his father, whose been said to have been a great king but not a great father.

I feel there's so much untapped potential in regards to Cedric and Roland having their fathers be emotionally absent and growing up to give their next generation what they didn't. It's more interesting than having Roland be a bad father without considering the things he did as a father in favor of Cedric being the only one to care for Sofia. (There is a difference between making stuff mainly about Cedric and Sofia and making Sofia's own family useless with Cedric being the only one who can help her. Really, Sofia loves her family and her family loves her.)

People just haven't thought about it as deeply with Roland as they do with Cedric when it comes to reasoning, and at worst, they intentionally interpret his actions in bad faith.

It is so easy to interpret Roland as someone with good intentions. I just don't get why people would willingly make a character bad in their heads, but it always circles back to Cedric because it's always him that replaces Roland as Sofia's father.

It's never Sofia being comforted by Miranda, or spending time with Amber and James, or even talking to her animal friends or visiting her best friends, Ruby and Jade.

And even when it is about them, they're always overshadowed by Cedric. It is so rare to see something focus on anything other than Cedric to the point where I wonder what's the point in having any of the other characters present when they are just props for Cedric.

And there's nothing wrong with liking Sofia and Cedric's bond, no matter how you view it (except if it's in a romantic way, in which you need to reconsider why you feel that a full grown adult and a child would, eww.) I just feel there could be more to having Cedric being the only focal point in things, and even have him be a supporting role instead of the main focus. Having him accompany Sofia but focusing more on her interactions and relations with other characters would be so refreshing. Even exploring Cedric with other characters (cough maybe with Roland) could be a good change of pace.

All in all, I don't have anything against others or how much Cedric is focused in the fandom because some people may just like Cedric better. And if I don't want everything to be about Cedric, then I can just make my own things about other characters. It just bums me out the things I've mentioned, and I hope to make it to where there's a bit more diversity in the fandom when it comes to other characters.

Also I love Miranda ok bye

#stf #sofia the first #sofia the fandom #cedric the sorcerer #king roland #answrs #obviously no hate to anyone at all #these are just my opinions heidjdhsisjdh #captain txt

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dialovers-translations · 9 months

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Diabolik Lovers CHAOS LINEAGE ー Laito [06]

ー The scene starts in Laito’s bedroom at the Violet Manor

*Thud*

Laito: ...Nnh...

Yui: Laito-kun! Thank god, you’re awake.

Laito: Bitch-chan...? How...? My room...? I’m pretty sure we were in the dungeon...?

Yui: You don’t remember? You suddenly lost consciousness in our cell.

Azusa-kun came to check up on us and helped out. He carried you all the way here.

He even managed to convince Carla-san to give us permission to leave the dungeon, thank god.

Laito: I see...As to be expected of him...

*Rustle*

Laito: Uu...

Yui: Ah! Don’t try to get up just yet.

Laito: Don’t worry, I can handle this much...

...Where are the others?

Yui: Apparently the Scarlet Manor was showing suspicious movements, so they all headed out.

Although Azusa-kun stayed behind just in case. He’s patrolling the manor right now though.

Laito: I see...

Yui: Laito-kun...?

( He’s been full of energy this whole time, but he seems somewhat out of it right now. I guess it’s because he only just woke up? )

Ah...You probably want some water, right? I’ll go get you some, okay?

*Rustle*

Laito: ...Wait. There’s something I’d like to ask you.

Yui: S...Sure, what’s wrong?

Laito: You told me before that we’re dating, but what was our relationship actually like?

Yui: Eh...?

Laito: Tell me everything.

Yui: ...!

( This is the first time he’s shown interest...But, why? )

( No, that doesn’t matter. If he wants to know, I’ll tell him. )

You might not believe me, but you were living at a place called the Sakamaki Manor. As part of a family of six brothers.

Through a series of events...It was decided that I would move in there with you guys.

Laito: You moved into a house full of Vampires?

Yui: Yeah, at first I thought that maybe it was some kind of joke. I went through a lot of hardships as well...

But you know, through getting to know you better, I realized that you were also suffering in your own way.

Then little by little, I found myself wanting to remain by your side...

Laito: I was suffering? How so?

Yui: Wellーー

( Can I talk about Cordelia-san? )

( He clearly acted strange after hearing the sound of my heartbeat in the dungeon. )

Laito: Seems like you’d rather not share that. Oh well, I guess it’s fine. In return...

...Do you happen to know a woman with a very eccentric and strong impression?

Yui: Eh...?

( Is he talking about Cordelia-san...? I guess the woman he saw while he was having those dizzy spells must indeed have been... )

Laito: Judging by your reaction...You really do know her.

Yui: Ah, well...

( If I bring up Cordelia-san right now, he might just remember everything. )

( But should I tell him when they’re nothing but a bunch of bad, painful memories? If those cause him to suffer again... )

Laito: Why do you suddenly go quiet? I guess there’s still things you want to keep a secret despite seeming so insistent on talking to me about all of this.

Selection

→ Dodge the question (🖤)

Yui: I mean, I do know her, but she has nothing to do with what I want to talk about right now.

Laito: You think you can trick me like that? It’s so blatantly obvious.

Yui: ( ...He saw right through my lies. I don’t think I’ll be able to talk my way out of this one... )

→ Apologize (♡)

Yui: I’m sorry. I don’t exactly want to keep quiet. It’s just...

Laito: Then tell me already.

Yui: ...!

Yui: The woman you mentioned, she’s...

( No...I just can’t say it after all...! )

( I want him to remember. Still, I don’t want to see him in pain! )

Laito: ...Geez. Guess you can’t tell me after all.

You seemed so adamant about talking to me, but when you fear it might negatively impact you, you go quiet.

You really are a selfish girl, aren’t you?

Yui: Y-You’re wro...

Laito: I’m not going to press you with questions about it forever, so let’s forget about that woman.

It’s just...

*Rustle*

Laito: I’ll have you reveal the secret behind your heart.

Yui: Wha...!?

ー He moves closer

*Rustle*

Yui: W-Wait! Let me go...!

Laito: Shut up.

Yui: ...!

( He’s no longer smiling...I shouldn’t oppose him right now... )

Laito: ...The sound of your heartbeat...I’m positive I’ve heard it somewhere before...

I could never forget...about such a distinctive sound...

Yui: Laito-kun...?

Laito: ...But I can’t remember...

Yui: Ow...If you press down on my arm that tightly...

Laito: ...Hey, Bitch-chan. What’s with your heart?

I get this incredibly unpleasant feeling just from hearing it beat...

Yet at the same time, it also stirs up feelings of endearment, or sudden sadness...I just don’t understand.

Yui: This heart, you see...

( It’s your mother’s heart after all... )

( But I can’t tell him that. Laito-kun only ever experienced a terribly twisted kind of love from her after all! )

Laito: ...Aah. You still won’t tell me anything, huh?

Do you think you’ll get away with staying silent? Or do you get a kick out of keeping me on the edge of my seat like this?

I’m not in the mood for that right now, you see.

Yui: W-What...?

Laito: I’ve had those dizzy spells several times before. They always occur after I drink your blood.

So I simply assumed that it was the richness of your blood getting to my head.

Yui: ( Now that he mentions it, something similar happened when we were ambushed by Ayato-kun and Kanato-kun... )

Laito: But I grew incredibly dizzy just from hearing the sound of your heartbeat.

Yui: ...!

Laito: I just want to get rid of this irritation. I mean, I barely even feel like myself right now.

All I care about is enjoying the moment. I never cared about when or how I’d die. That’s how my days have come and gone.

But right now...Something keeps swirling around inside my head and I can’t seem to control it myself.

Yui: That’s...

Laito: You know the answer to my questions. Right? Don’t you want to help me out?

Don’t you remember how you risked your own life to protect me back in the dungeon?

Yui: I...I’m sorry...

Laito: Excuse me? You think you can apologize your way out of this? It’s not an apology that I want to hear from you.

Honestly, why do I feel so angry? I’ve gotten kind of thirsty as well...

You’ll take responsibility for upsetting me, won’t you?

Yui: Eh? ...W-Wait...!

Laito: Quench my thirst...with your blood...Nnh...Nn...

ー Laito bites her

Yui: Eek...Aah...!

( Once again, without mercy...My blood’s steadily flowing out... )

Laito: Haah...Even though it helps against the thirst, it doesn’t bring me any actual satisfaction...

Yui: ( Of course not. His missing memories, the memories of the love he never experiencedーー )

( There’s no way he’d get the affection he’s yearning after by doing this... )

I’m begging you, no more...Stop...

Laito: What are you saying? You love to get toyed around with, don’t you...?

Rejoice like you usually do. Come on, I’ll drink from your ear? ...With all of my mind, painfully...Okay?

Yui: No...Sto...!

Laito: Even right now, I can’t get enough of seeing you utterly terrified like that...Nnh...Phew...

Yui: Uu...Ah...Aah...

Laito-kun...

Laito: Nnh...Nn...Haah...Yes? Are you ready to spill the beans now, unable to bear with the pain?

But it’s too late now...Guh...

Yui: ( ...Eh? )

Laito: Kuh...This again...? It’s even worse than before...

Yui: ( He’s dizzy again...!? I’m still a bit shaky in my step since he just sucked my blood but... )

Uu...O-One second, okay...!? I’ll go call Azusa-kun right awaーー

*Thud*

Yui: Eh...?

( I heard the sound of something breaking just now... )

Ayato: Eve! You bitch, where are you!? Answer me if you’re there!

Kanato: We came all the way here to get you. So please, just be a good girl and show yourself.

Yui: ( These voices...Ayato-kun and Kanato-kun!? )

( No way, just when Carla-san and the others aren’t here...Also, right now Laito-kun is...! )

ー Azusa enters the room

*Thud*

Azusa: Eve, Laito...!

Yui: Azusa-kun! Ayato-kun and Kanato-kun are...!

Azusa: Seems like they’ve come to attack us, using the fact that the others are absent to their advantage...

I’ll keep them busy, so the two of you should...

Laito: Uu...

Azusa: Laito? You’re still feeling unwell...?

Laito: I’m fine...Dealing with those two is more important right now, no?

I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can fight in my current condition...

Azusa: Yeah, you should escape through the window...

Ayato: How many times do I have to tell you to show yourself!?

Azusa: They’re coming...Hurry!

Laito: Bitch-chan, let’s go...

Yui: O-Okay...

( He can barely walk...Will he be okay? )

( ...No, right now, we just have to run. Ayato-kun and Kanato-kun are after us...! )

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

#diabolik lovers #dialovers #laito sakamaki #chaos lineage #diabolik lovers translation #cllaito6

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transgaledekarios · 8 months

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I would be so curious to hear some of your thoughts on why you hc gale as trans. Because like, I also instinctually had that thought? But I had previously just attributed it to me projecting ^^’’

Oooo of course! Yay thank you for the ask! So there are a few things. There will be spoilers for the game, and I will tag that, but just a heads up.

The first is small, easy to miss/ignore. If you look at his underwear description, it says it’s enchanted. With what? Who knows. My thought is they have some basic cleanliness/freshness spells, but also, magical packer. Obviously. Enchantment refers to the school of magic in 5e, and this is about charms and illusions. What exactly needs an illusion in his underwear? Magical packer makes perfect sense to me

Another sign for me is the way he is very…. Shy? About his body. He makes a comment about how he even waited for Tara to leave the room before undressing for bed. Which…fair. Tara is very smart, but she still is an owlcat. And I thought to myself hmm. What could make a grown adult so uncomfortable with showing their body, in any state of undress not just fully nude, even in non sexual situations?

My next one is connection to the previous. In a possibly orgy situation in act 3 (one that he actually seems into, because he likes the idea of watching you). He does his switcharoo thingy with the magical projection of him and he said a very specific line that had me go hmmm. He comments that uhuh, yes this is me. Nude. Definitely “anatomically correct”. He says those exact two words. And while this could be interpreted as a small dick joke (oh haha hilarious. Cis man with a small dick how funny 😐.) if this is the case, I’d actually be really disappointed in Larian. But I think it becomes more interesting in the case that like. He has no dick, and he’s not about to out himself to strangers.

My other thought is the romance and sex scenes with him themselves. The “normal” sex scene has him and Tav completely clothed. And fades to black. Which, to me, supports the idea that he’s a bit nervous and shy about his body. Uncomfortable with showing even the audience he’s not aware of. There’s some kind of discomfort there he needs to overcome before he can share his body, even partially nude, with someone. The astral sex scene (which is very fun btw) has a lot more happening, but you never see any genitals. Just bright light. Which I also thought was interesting. With an astral projection, he can do wtvr he wants, (even have three of him) to please you. And he’s confident and sure of himself. Practiced. Why? Because wtvr insecurity he has in his body, he can smooth over and ignore in the astral plane.

I like to imagine that he and my tav, Cordelia, have a long, heartfelt talk about it. And she’s eventually able to soothe his insecurities (at least in how it relates to her seeing him, idk that he’ll ever be comfortable with strangers or near-strangers seeing his body).

These are all that I can think of at the moment, there may be more that I just forgot. (I’ll need to replay his romance eventually).

Thanks again for the ask! 🧡🧡🧡

#bg3 spoilers #bg3 gale #trans gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #my thoughts #bg3

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stayevildarling · 1 month

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ik you write these all the time but please can you write something with either of them- maybe Cordelia where reader struggles with some mental health stuff and finds her way to Cordelia again

love your writing it gives me so much comfort

Cordelia Goode x Reader- Fix you

tw: mention of depression, mention of self harm, mention of suicidal thoughts, mention of insomnia, mention of disordered eating habits (please read with care🤍)

word count: 5k

Today started as another one of those days, trying your best but still not succeeding. As you sit in silence, the weight of the world bears on your shoulders like a heavy burden. Each of your breaths feel laboured, as if you are struggling to draw air into your tired lungs. Your once vibrant eyes, dull by the suffocating grip the raging storm of emotions have had on you lately.

As you glance towards the large window of your bedroom, you feel as if the sun streaming through it, secretly pleaded with you. Hoping to drag you out of this darkness that has been consuming you for a while. You consider it for a moment, joining some of the witches you see walking past on their way to the greenhouse, but you quickly abandon the thought, the darkness's grip on you too strong. The world around you blurs into a haze of colours and shapes, as if you are viewing it all through a veil of fog.

Every sound, every movement feels distant and detached, as if you're merely a spectator in your own life, watching it unfold before you in slow motion. Maybe it was due to the depression slowly sinking back into your brain, the anxiety crippling inside of your chest or maybe it was the insomnia. You feel so tired and you have been for days but you can't sleep, feeling like sleep was an old friend that you hadn't seen in a very long time. You couldn't pinpoint how long it had been, as every night you would spent tossing and turning while your brain fought wars.

Despite the efforts of those who love you, their words of comfort and concern, you couldn't tell them, couldn't show them how truly dark things had been. Yet you long to reach out, let them in, but a voice always lingered in the back of your mind, assuring that you are better off alone. One of the girls was surprisingly the first to notice, asking why you looked so sad all the time, Madison quickly trying to remind you that you had a lot to be grateful for. And of course the blonde was right, you got what you wanted but somehow it didn't seem like what you needed.

Born in a bloodline of successful witches, enrolled in one of the best academies for those with the ability of magic, some friends as you are quite popular in the academy, being older, wiser and part of the council by now. Eventually falling in love with the headmistress and supreme and despite you two not being official, you had her heart. And you knew that deep down, from the intimate moments you had spent with Cordelia, the whispered love confessions. But whenever your eyes laid upon her beautiful features lately, you couldn't help but think about how she would be better off alone, better with someone stronger, someone not losing a battle to the darkness. Whenever you see her smiling with one of the other witches, you think to yourself she is going to be okay.

And so you retreated to yourself, seeking solace in the solitude of your own thoughts, even as they threaten to consume you from within. Each day becomes a struggle to simply exist, a battle against the overwhelming tide of despair that threatens to drag you under. Feeling as if you are stuck in reverse. And on top of it all, you had to try your best to hide it, slowly the girls catching on, Cordelia constantly hovering and trying to squeeze the truth out of you, Zoe and Madison noticing as well, despite showing their concern in different ways.

And as you sit in silence, your eyes still lingering on the gardens of the coven, you catch a glimpse of your sunshine, Cordelia. Laughing and smiling so effortlessly with another blonde witch about her age, that a tear comes streaming down your face. You can't help it as they run down your cheeks, spilling from your tired eyes. Lately the thought had crossed you more than once whether you had lost her, something- someone so special that you could never replace. Of course you loved her and you tried to show her that every single day but you didn't know how to love Cordelia right now, when you had no love inside you, not even an ounce of love for yourself. And so you feel as if it goes to waste, the blonde slipping through your fingers right in front of you.

How are you meant to take care of her, your responsibilities around the coven when you couldn't even take care of yourself these past few weeks. Everything felt like too much, eating, smiling, talking, breathing, existing. Could it be worse? you think to yourself before more tears stream down your cheeks.

,,Y/N?'' you hear a knock on the door a while later and instantly flinch. With a quick movement you wipe your tears, mumbling a quick ,,Come in'' before the door opens and quickly shuts again. There she stands, your sunshine, glancing around the room, trying to adjust her eyes, considering how dark it is in here. Cordelia takes in the state of your room, surprised how neat it looks, considering the circumstances and with a flick of her wrist she makes the blinds move, allowing sunlight to stream through the dark room and replacing it with light.

Squinting your eyes shut, you hear Cordelia moving closer to you, taking in your form of sitting on your bed, cross legged, oversized hoodie and sweatpants. She hadn't seen you like this before and she didn't know what to do. ,,How are you feeling, darling?'' she asks carefully, her thumb reaching for your cheek and caressing it gently. Melting into her touch, you feel the warmth radiating off her, sending a little shiver through your cold body and it doesn't go unnoticed by the supreme. ,,Are you sick darling?'' she asks gently but you shake your head no. ,,All fine Delia'' you reassure her, with a smile that took all your strength to force.

However she could tell, tell that there was something wrong, your presence felt cold, dark, as if some invisible force had taken over your once happy and smiling form. She missed you so much, even though she wouldn't admit it, she missed teaching with you, having you sit in her office, sleeping in the same bed as you. She missed messing around in the greenhouse with you, she missed you. ,,Darling?'' she asks, bringing your attention towards the blonde again. ,,Can-'' but she stops herself, her own anxiety betraying her. You meet her features, brushing a strand of blonde hair from her perfect features.

,,What is it, love?'' you ask, the petname sending shivers down her spine as her heart aches, missing your presence so much. ,,When are you coming back to me?'' she asks, barely above a whisper, a tear spilling down her cheeks but you are quick to catch it. ,,I'm right here my love, always'' you promise, trying your best not to fall apart as you pull her into your arms, feeling terrible for causing her any form of pain.

Cordelia stays like this for a while, holding onto you tightly as if each day you keep slipping further from her grasp. And you didn't want to let her go, not now, not ever, too in love with her to ever let go. She pulls away after a while, meeting your eyes as they plead with you, beg you to say something, anything she could work with, anything she could do to fix this. But you remain silent, wiping her tears, kissing her wobbling chin. ,,Will you at least come to dinner later? please Y/N'' she urges and you couldn't deny her of that, not after everything. So you simply nod as you watch her leave, whispering a quiet ,,I love you Delia'' as she leaves, barely audible but audible enough for the supreme to hear you.

And right there, you decide you want to try, for her. Moving your tired legs out of bed, you walk over to the bathroom, grabbing some actual clothes, before stepping into the shower. Hoping the warm water could at least momentarily rid you from the cold that you have been feeling. As the water drips down your body, you can't help but notice how fragile you feel, legs wobbling, hands trembling as you attempt to wash your hair. And it suddenly dawns on you, how long you had skipped dinner, barely ate when you attended. As you step out of the shower a little while later, drying off the remaining water droplets, you walk over to the sink.

The reflection in the mirror scares you a little, your tired eyes, the bags underneath them and how pale you look. The colour of your face almost matching the white tiles in your bathroom. ,,Delia'' you remind yourself, how you want to be strong for her and so with whatever energy you have left, you dry your hair, brush the knots out and change into some clothes. A little while later, you wander the academy, a few girls smiling at you emphatically, not having seen you in a while. Your tired feet take you to the garden, the greenhouse eventually, having missed the calm environment and how it would usually cheer you up. You find some discarded rose petals and as you close your eyes you make them bloom into a beautiful white rose again.

A little while later, you find yourself in front of Cordelia's office, with shaking hands knocking on the door and entering. She looks tired, you think to yourself, as she types away on her computer, assuming it's one of the girls needing something but when she realises it's you, her features beam with the biggest smile, quickly turning into a proud one as she notices your change of outfit, clean hair and her heart melts a little as she sees you approaching with a white rose and cup in your hand. ,,For you'' you muster up your best smile, placing it gently on her desk, she ignores the trembling of your hands and simply whispers a grateful ,,Thank you sweetheart'' feeling slightly flustered with the sudden attention.

For a moment the two of you stand there, in silence, the cup of tea forming little steam patterns in the air. A part of you considers it again, filling her in but the voice having the upper hand again and Cordelia can tell that you are fighting some sort of internal battle but she didn't want to push, pry, wanting to be a safe place for you to go to, whenever you needed it and you decided it was time. ,,I don't want to keep you'' you eventually break the silence and as the words fall from your mouth, you notice the sadness in her eyes. ,,You aren't keeping me sweetheart'' she reassures, wanting so badly for you to stay.

In that moment it dawns on you, how much you had actually missed her, how far you had pulled away from her and for how long. The extend seems to hit you in the face like a slap from reality and suddenly you long for her, her warmth, her body and her presence. ,,Can I-?'' you begin but the words get caught in your throat, tears threatening to spill from your eyes. ,,Come here sweetheart'' she ushers and without hesitation, you ignore the voice, walking over to her and positioning yourself in her lap, just like the old times. And you melt, right into her soothing touch.

,,I've missed you in here'' she admits after a while, trailing her fingers through your hair. Your eyes meet hers, acknowledging her statement without words. The worry is evident in her features, she can now see clearly how tired you are, having retreated to your own bedroom a while ago, rather than staying in hers. She notices how pale you are, how you feel lighter in her lap. And for a moment she wonders, whether there was more she had missed, whether she should have done more, prevent you from slipping away. She didn't want to overwhelm you, and so she tried a gentler approach but it dawns on her right there, as you lay in her lap that maybe she needed to do more.

The exhaustion creeps up on you in the end as you listened to her talk a while ago about how she has got you, that you are safe and that whatever was bothering you, you could always tell her, you eventually finally fell asleep. The old friend greeting you gently and coaxing you into a soft slumber. She didn't move an inch, being able to tell by your tired eyes how you haven't had any sleep lately, wanting so badly to give you at least a little rest. And as she watches your chest rising and falling softly, muffled little sounds escaping you, she smiles contently, having missed these moments more than anything.

,,Sweetheart?'' you hear her angelic voice, gently coaxing you away from sleep and into reality again. ,,I'm sorry to wake you but it's dinner'' she mumbles as you blink open your eyes, noticing how her office was suddenly much darker. You avert her gaze, feeling embarassed to have kept her in the same spot for so long. She presses a gentle kiss to your forehead, before taking your hand, giving you a few moments to adjust to your surroundings before, gently guiding you towards the dining room for dinner.

Anxiety creeps up on you, as you take in the view of all the witches, chatting contently, talking about all sorts of topics that you had missed lately. You hesitantly take a seat next to Zoe, Cordelia on the other side, Madison across from you. The brunette smiles as she sees you, having missed your presence. You feel their gazes on you, especially Cordelia's as you mostly push your food from one end of your plate to the other. Wanting to try so hard for her, you even force some food down your throat, pushing away the lingering voice in your head. It quietens down eventually, most of the witches leaving and only a couple left, including the supreme and the others sitting around you.

,,Aren't we going to talk about this?'' Madison eventually begins, gesturing towards you.

,,Stop'' Zoe shakes her head, meeting her with a serious expression.

,,Talk about what Madison?'' Cordelia exclaims, the anger dripping from her voice.

,,There is nothing to talk about'' Zoe scolds, quickly shutting the blonde up, Madison simply shrugs and walks off, lighting a cigarette on her way out.

Cordelia's concerned eyes meet yours, fixed on your plate, obviously knowing what Madison was implying. You take a deep breath before waiting for Zoe to finish and leave, taking yours and Cordelia's plate before cleaning them and walking away. ,,Good job Madison'' Zoe mumbles as she watches you walk away.

,,Darling?'' you hear her angelic voice as you make it to the top of the stairs, as she takes quick steps to catch up with you.

,,Are you okay?'' she asks, worry evident in her brown orbs.

,,I'm sorry for what Madison said'' she begins but you quickly shake your head ,,Don't worry about it Delia, I'm just tired'' you admit.

Her lips twitch a little and you knew exactly what she wanted to ask. Whether you would stay with her, just for the night of course, because she had missed you so much but you couldn't bear it not tonight. ,,Good night Dee'' you mumble with a weak smile before returning to your bedroom.

It's about midnight when you make your way into the bathroom, you had tossed and turned for hours. Not being able to retreat to the comfort of sleep, usually it meaning you could forget for several hours, before you would wake in the morning. Those were the worst and you didn't know what you prefered more, the not sleeping and being up with your thoughts or actually sleeping, only to then wake up and for a split second everything being okay before reality crept back and burdening you with the heavy thoughts, lingering on your mind.

Your mind is burning as your feet come into contact with the cold tile floor, it feels like the thoughts are leaving angry marks on your brain, a buzzing constantly following you everywhere. And eventually it got too much, too loud and so you did the only thing you knew would give you comfort in that moment. As the blade dances angrily across your skin, leaving marks, you feel some relief but only for a few seconds as when the dance comes to a full stop, you feel the burning pain it leaves you with. You thought initially it would help, to shush the thoughts, to give you some sort of relief but somehow it only made it worse, guilt consuming you as you hadn't done this in years, the old scars barely visible anymore.

But Delia you think to yourself as tears stream down your face , Delia didn't like them, Delia would kiss them, her eyes would linger on them, her fingers would gently brush over them. She couldn't stand seeing you in pain, despite the old pain fading but how would you ever explain this? Maybe this was just what you are worth? Pain, exhaustion, nothing, a burden? You can't think clearly and so in your state, you walk over to the sink, discarding the blade in the sink, staining it red as you let some cold water run over your wrists, another painful reminder of your actions. Throwing on a hoodie, you pace in your bedroom, despite your tired bones begging you to let go and try to sleep.

But you couldn't, the thoughts too loud and keeping you awake. And then suddenly, you find yourself wandering the halls of the academy, first thinking about heading to Madison to borrow some cigarettes, then thinking about retreating to the safety of the greenhouse but suddenly you find yourself knocking on Cordelia's door, entering despite her not replying yet. As you enter her room, you are greeted by the smell of chamomile, vanilla and honey- home. A little light source guiding your eyes towards the bed, her in her usual spot and if your mind wasn't so loud, you would have noticed how the little nightlight was on your night table, where you would usually sleep as she always hoped you would come back to her.

She shuffles then, her beautiful features creasing as she sees you standing there, instantly sitting up, revealing her black flowery nightgown. Her hair looks a little messy from sleep and you could scold yourself for having woken her in the first place. ,,Sweetheart?'' she whispers, blinking the sleep away. ,,Delia'' you whisper, containing your tears, trying so hard to push that voice, those thoughts away. ,,Are you okay?'' she asks, her voice tinged with concern and fear. You pause a moment, unsure whether you should just go back but something within you longs for her, longs for your sunshine. ,,Can I- please maybe - stay here?'' you stutter, the words coming out muffled.

Delia instantly stands up, walking over and reaching for your hand, guiding you right to that spot she had kept the light on for you all this time. ,,Come here sweetheart'' she coaxes as she lays you down beside her, tucking you in before opening her arms, inviting but not forcing you in. And you comply, of course you comply as Delia stopped the thoughts, Delia always stopped anything bad. And as her arms wrap around you fully, you cry, you sob into her arms and you can't stop. You didn't deserve her, how could you ever deserve her? You had nothing to repay her kindness, beauty and sunshine with. At least you think that, if Delia knew she would scold you, pointing out all your kindness, your beauty and reminding you that you are her sunshine.

The blonde stays awake that night, not daring to let you slip through her grasp again, she holds you as you sob, coaxing you out of it eventually, before rocking and shushing you to sleep. And she watches over you, like your own guardian angel, letting you sleep in, not caring about the classes that needed teaching, witches that needed breakfast, you her sole care, her only responsibility for now. And as the morning sun eventually coats your features, the bright sensation causing you to force your eyes shut but inevitably waking up, your Delia is right there, greeting you with the warmest, softest smile. ,,Good morning darling'' she greets you warmly, brushing some strands of hair from your face. And you smile then, genuinely smile as you had missed this. Missed her.

Somehow your night with Cordelia seemed to have, momentarily, coaxed you out of this hole. That day she convinced you to come down for breakfast for the first time in months, beforehand having a conversation with Madison that you had no knowledge of but assumed it deep down as none of the witches questioned you or gave you those funny looks. The second day that week you even joined her in the greenhouse, teaching a potion class with her, and as the two of you smile and teach away, you both got lost in the moment, finding yourself in the familiarity of your chemistry and adoration for each other and your passion again. On the third day, she somehow convinced you to eat a full dinner, away from prying eyes as she fixed you up your favourite after everyone had gone to bed.

Most importantly to Cordelia, you stayed with her again, even at nights and despite not much happening, you still not revealing anything that had been going on, at least she could be there to hold you close. The rest of the week went by quickly, as you slowly found your way back into your routine and old habits again, the weight and darkness slowly lifted, with each gentle smile from Cordelia, each gentle hand lingering on you somewhere. But the darkness wasn't gone and by Friday, the supreme had this nagging feeling she couldn't shake. She wanted to do something nice for you tonight, a reward for you for doing so well this week but you kept insisting you are tired, not wanting her to run you the bath for the two of you and ushering her to go to sleep.

But the nagging feeling lingered on the supremes mind, even the day after as the puzzle pieces were so obvious or at least they should have been but she still couldn't connect them or maybe she didn't want to connect them. The thought of the truth too painful, for her to even consider it. You aren't sure whether it was her hovering or how much this week had actually drained you but as the weekend arrived, you found yourself in the familiar darkness again. And you didn't understand, couldn't comprehend why it always found its way back, despite laying in bed with the love of your life, her soft snores filling the emptiness of the night. Why did it always come back? why was every single day so exhausting? and why was everything hurting?

Your mind raced with questions and thoughts again, causing the all too familiar burning in your brain again, and this time you find yourself retreating to your own room again, quiet hushed steps as you make it to your bedroom, shortly after the bathroom yet again. You couldn't do it for a second longer, the pain too strong, the darkness completely surrounding you. You tried so hard, thinking of all the good things in your life, your witchcraft ability, the people around you, your friends that you mostly consider family and most importantly your Delia but it didn't work. The thoughts and darkness having the upper hand and holding you tight in its grasp and so with desperate, almost pathetic sobs, you find yourself on the bathroom floor again, a familiar dance on your wrist.

However this time it was much more intense than the week before, you didn't just want to rid yourself of the thoughts and pain momentarily, something within your brain told you to end it right here and then, lifting the burden from your tired self and at the same time ridding everyone of the burden of your presence. You couldn't think clearly anymore, you couldn't block the thoughts out and replace them with positive ones. You couldn't focus on your breathing anymore, you couldn't remember the techniques Delia had shown you. You couldn't control your grip on the blade, making sure it wasn't too deep. You couldn't breathe, you couldn't see as your vision was left blurry from tears. You couldn't survive this, not this time, the voice reminds you.

Despite your darkest moment, raw and open at war with your mind, she lingers somewhere, maybe your heart, maybe your head, maybe your soul. Delia. And with a force that makes no sense to you, isn't something you could ever explain you drop the blade, lifting your tired feet off the cold floor, leaving a blood trail as you find the light again, the all too familiar light in Cordelia's room. As the door bursts open, your trembling hands not in control to open the door with any care or gentleness anymore, she almost jumps out of bed, seeing your state.

,,Y/N'' she cries softly, seeing your tear stained face, blood stained wrists.

,,Sweetheart what's wrong?'' her voice shakes now, a moment ago just having you next to her.

,,Delia I-'' you begin, mind too loud to word this in any way that would be acceptable. ,,I- I can't do this anymore'' you simply lay the truth out in front of her.

,,O- Okay sweetheart, it's okay, I've got you'' she reassures, quickly walking over to you, taking your trembling hands into her own.

She guides you to the bathroom, quickly ushering you to sit on the edge of the bathtub. With trembling hands she lifts your sleeves, exposing the battle you had fought not that long ago. It pains her more than she could ever let on and as you search her eyes for any sign of anger or disgust, all you seem to find is love, empathy and sadness. Her eyes flicker between yours, the medicine cabinet and her own hands. She could fix this in an instant, with a flick of her wrist she could make this go away but she didn't know what you wanted, what you needed in that moment.

,,Sweetie?'' she tries, wiping the tears from your face, her own face inches apart.

,,Can I take this pain from you please?'' she asks in a serious tone, her chin wobbling.

And that's it, all the words to finally make you fall apart, make her see your pain, open yourself up to her. ,,Please make it all go away Delia'' you plead, not talking about the blood or the cuts, but the pain, the thoughts, the loud and the darkness.

,,Okay my sweet girl'' she coos and as her hand lingers over your wrists, it's all gone as if it was never there before.

However the pain in your head remained and you knew she couldn't take that away. With a swift motion, she takes you into her arms, sitting you gently on the bed, helping you into some of her clothes, before forcing you to drink some water. ,,My brave girl, I need you to talk to me, can you do that?'' she asks as she sits cross legged in front of you, holding your hands into her own, searching your eyes.

As you look up, you see her blonde curls, perfect features, so concerned, so sad, so worried. And it dawns on you then how pathetic this all was, how pathetic you are, bothering her with your pain, projecting your pain onto her. The voice quickly takes the upper hand, reminding you yet again how easy it would be to disappear. But this time Cordelia can tell, as all the puzzle pieces finally connected, she knew now what battle you are facing or bits of it and she wasn't going to let you do it alone for a second longer.

,,Sweetie, talk to me'' she ushers, squeezing your hand a little and pulling you away from the voice, right towards her. ,,I wanted to-'' you begin but you can't dare finish your sentence, not ever being able to say those words to Cordelia, the kindest, gentle person you knew. ,,Disappear?'' she asks, surprisingly having been there before herself. And your eyes widen then and she notices, cupping your cheeks gently. ,,Everything is loud and everything is scary and then I got close'' you admit under tears ,,But then I thought of you and I came here'' you explain. She cries now, uncontrollably she sobs into your chest and you sit there frozen, hating yourself for ever bringing this up in the first place.

But she looks at you then ,,Sweetie, I'm so proud of you'' she speaks after composing herself a little and realising that you needed her in this moment. ,,You found me when- when you thought you couldn't do it anymore and that'' she begins, making you look into her eyes as she carries on ,,That is one of the bravest things I have ever seen'' she admits, eyes filled with genuine and truth. You take a deep breath and it comes out shaky as the tears return and she simply pulls you into her chest, leaning her head on your shoulder, holding you and definitely not letting go now, understanding the full extend of your pain.

The two of you stay like this for a long time, you aren't sure how long exactly but when you open your eyes next, you see Delia's tear stained face, her pained smile as she sees you awake. ,,Delia - I'm sorry'' you admit, searching her brown eyes. Her eyebrows furrow then ,,I'm sorry for making you sad'' you admit, your features filled with guilt. She smiles then, in that adorable way, that little smile she would give you when you said something silly. ,,Y/N you have done nothing wrong, you have done all the right things'' she reassures before meeting your eyes. After a moment, you begin fiddling with the sleeves of your shirt, and Delia can tell you are about to ask something that will make you nervous. ,,What's going to happen now Dee?'' you ask, voice shaky, hands trembling a little.

She smiles again then as she meets your eyes, her eyes still focused on yours ,,Now my darling, I'm just going to hold you, is that okay?'' you simply nod as tears fill your vision. And the two of you knew it wasn't what you meant. But Cordelia wasn't sure yet, she knows you need some help but she wasn't sure which care and path would be right for you. ,,Now, I'm not going anywhere and I just want to love you, will you let me do that?'' she asks and your heart aches then. All you can do is nod and she kisses you then, her soft lips meeting yours and both of you can taste the pain then, tears still streaming down your cheeks.

For several hours, the two of you stay in Cordelia's bed, taking turns between holding each other, crying into each other, kissing each other. Delia quite literally kissed your pain away, at least for now. By the end of the night you almost forget the pain and that morning after you wake up in her arms, the forgetting lasts a bit longer than a second. Because all you can focus on, are her beautiful features, sleeping peacefully beside you. You had promised her that night that you will get better, will let her take you to an appointment to get help, after she explained you that it's just like a physical injury that needed treatment. And you trust her of course, wanting to learn from your mistakes and be better for her but also for yourself.

And so as the little light in her bedroom is replaced by the sun rising, casting a soft golden glow on the white room, you know that Delia will always guide you home. For now she replaced all the doubts, fears, guilt and bad thoughts. And you know they would come back but at least Delia, your sunshine would be there, helping you through it all. ,,I love you'' she whispers sleepily as she begins waking up, the two of you simply soaking in each other's warmth that morning, and you know while she's around she will always guide you home.

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