#crashing out with freaking 10 seconds to go

[afreauxheaux]

I can’t STAND NASCAR!!!! WHY CANT THE RACE JUST EVER BE NORMAL!!!!!!

#congrats to michael jordan tho #nascar #crashing out with freaking 10 seconds to go #are you kidding me #why do I do this every Sunday

[lllivia]

This was never supposed to happen

Natalie Scatarccio x f!reader

Summary: Nat's asshole of a dad ruins everything

Warnings: not proofread, angst, homophobia (might have gone a bit far idk 🫢), modern au

Part 1 of 2

_

Music blasts through Nat's speaker as you lay on her bed, spread out comfortably as she sits on the floor scrolling on her phone.

10 minutes go by with the comfortable silence before you decide to put down your phone and finally speak up, not completely sure if this was a good idea.

"Hey Nat.. Yk how I told you that I kinda haven't kissed anyone before?" You pause for a second "Well I've been talking to this.. Person for a while and it's starting to get serious... So I was just wondering if maybe you could, idk - this is probably dumb but, teach me?"

You say quickly, staring up at the ceiling and expecting the worst.

"Okay"

"..Okay?"

"Yeah okay, I'll teach you dumbass" She smirks and crawls onto the bed, propping herself up on her elbows to hover over you.

Nat was always quite comfortable with who she was, openly talking about her experiences with men, while you on the other hand were much more reserved. So you weren't necessarily surprised when she said yes (since it was only going to be two girls practicing after all), but you still feel your hands get sweaty resting on your stomach as you stare right back at her, glancing down at her lips just to notice the shadow of her smirk still imprinted on her face.

"So um, what should I do? " you say awkwardly, fidgeting with your sweater as you struggle to not look away from the girl who's face is now merely inches away from yours.

"Just follow my lead okay?" She responds in a surprisingly soft voice before finally leaning in to where your lips ghost over each other, sighing slightly before gently pressing your lips together. One of her hands slowly creeping up to cup your face like she's afraid you might break if she adds too much pressure.

"Is this okay?" She pulls back to ask, her face flushed and her lips redder than usual as she scans your face for any discomfort.

"Yeah, yes, you can keep going" you respond quickly before pulling her back into you, unable to describe the tingling sensation fluttering through your entire body as your lips meet again in a slightly rougher matter, pent up need for your friend that you didn't know you had suddenly crashing down at you all at once.

"Shit Nat" you groan as she bites down on your lip, both of you forgetting that this was only supposed to be practice as her hands-

"WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE"

You quickly pull apart, your eyes flying open as you try to scramble away from Nat as her father stands in the now open doorway.

"WHAT KIND OF FAGGOT FILTH HAVE YOU BROUGHT INTO MY HOUSE GIRL??" He yells, pointing a dirty finger towards Nat as his other fist grips onto a half full bottle of alcohol, his disgusting breath seeping through the room as spit fly's out of his mouth.

Nat doesn't know how to respond, seemingly too shocked to answer as her dad continues shouting at her.

"ANSWER ME FREAK! YOU WEREN'T RAISED TO COMMIT SUCH SINS. YOU'RE A FUCKING DISGRACE YOU HEAR ME?? A DISGRACE.

NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE BEFORE I DECIDE TO SHOOT YOU AND YOUR GOOD FOR NOTHING FAG FRIEND"

He finishes, his last sentence barely having left his mouth before you run outside, your heart beating faster than it ever has and tears now streaming down your terrified face.

You turn back towards the trailer as you suddenly hear glass shattering, all your other worries almost forgotten as all you can think about is if Nat is okay.

You were about to go back inside when Nat storms out the door, slamming it behind her as she steps forward.

You weren't exactly sure what to say as you look at her, you'd never seen her in such a vulnerable state before. The usual cool and confident Natalie now replaced with a nearly crying girl, her hair disheveled, her shoulders shaking from the suppressed tears and one of her hands bleeding from a deep cut that you could only assume came from the shattering sound that come from inside the house mere seconds ago.

As she tries to hold in her tears she refuses to meet your eye, her expression changing between hatred, embarrassment, shame and more as she furiously wipes her face with her sleave.

"Nat? Are you o-"

"Go."

"What?? Your hand clearly needs medical attention, we can go back to mine"

"Just go."

"Stop being stupid Nat, I can't fucking leave you like this" you say and step towards her, anger starting to creep into your voice as you can't understand why she's acting this way towards you.

"I SAID GO" she suddenly shouts. "you heard what he said dyke, this was clearly a mistake and it was never supposed to happen!"

Her bloodshot eyes finally meet yours again and all you can see in them is hate and despair, tears spilling out as she bites her bottom lip hard before she looks down at her feet, immediately regretting everything she just said.

"Get the fuck out of here y/n" her voice breaks.

"Nat.." is all your broken voice manages to squeak out as your eyebrows furrow, the tightness in your chest feeling as though it might suffocate you as you finally turn away from her, walking away from who you thought was your best friend only 15 minutes ago - now feeling unsure that you'll ever see her the same again.

_

a/n: I'm too impatient to wait for the poll to finish, also I can't decide if this should have a sad or happy ending 😜 SEND REQUESTS, MY INBOX IS BASICALLY THE SAHARA DESERT RN CHAT 😢😢😢

#Spotify #natalie scatorccio angst #natalie scatorccio #natalie yellowjackets #nat scatorccio x reader #natalie scatorccio x reader #nat scatorccio #yj #yellowjackets x reader #yellowjackets #yellow jackets #lllivia

[whore-era]

college!Ellie comforting anxious fem GF with lots of kisses and back rubs?

a/n: i feel like this headcanon was so bad but i did my best <3 hope u enjoy <3333

college!ellie headcanon: comforting anxious gf

you were swamped. final exams were approaching, a 10 page research essay was due in 3 days, internships to apply to in time for the summer, laundry barely started — everything was piling up.

you felt as if the weight of the world was on your shoulders, and you had to keep yourself afloat. but you could feel it, you were about to crash.

the tab was still open, your research paper halfway done, and you were overwhelmed with anxiety. failing to hold back the immense emotion, you burst into tears, sobbing into the sleeves of your hoodie.

you just weren't sure if you had the power to keep pushing through these last couple weeks, you were drained out dry. weeping into your hoodie, you hear your phone ring.

sliding the button to answer, you press your phone to your ear. "h-hello?" you attempt to dry your face, concealing any evidence that you were just crying minutes before. "babe, i'm on my way over. just wanted to see if you wanted me to pick something up for you," ellie's voice come through the speaker, still unaware of your current state.

"uhhhh, i'm fine, els," you croak, "you don't h-have to come over right now. you must be busy and stuff and i don't wanna get in the way." there's a shakiness in your voice, and you hope to god ellie doesn't notice. she goes quiet for a second, "hmm. okay. fine." you let out a breath of relief, "call you later then, sweet girl," she coos, "i love you." "i love you, ellie." click

putting your phone down and burying your face in your hands, you let out a breath, allowing a few tears to fall down your face. it made you feel bad burdening ellie with your issues — she had her own stuff going on. the last thing she needed to worry about was you.

it wasn't long before you heard a couple knocks on your door. you furrowed your brows, knowing you weren't expecting anyone. still, you walked over and opened the door of your dorm, face-to-face with a big, brown teddy bear. ellie's face poked out from the corner of the bear's head. "we could tell you were bear-y sad, so we wanted to check in on you." you threw your arms around her, squishing the bear in the process. she let out a chuckle, pulling away to see your face, surprised to see your eyes filling with tears.

"hey, hey, hey," she whispers, "c'mon, let's get inside first." gently guiding you inside your dorm, she closes the door behind her. "what's been goin' on, sweet girl? talk to me."

"jus-just been feelin' so— overwhelmed," you breathe out, "f-finals, my p-paper, freaking i-internships—" tears begin to spill, "i don't k-know i-if i can h-han-handle it." you weep into her jacket, and she soothingly rubbed your back, letting you cry.

once you calm down a bit, ellie pulls away a little and cups your face in her hands. "what do you need from me, baby?" she asks, "anything at all, you name it. i'll get it."

"i just— i just want you to hold me."

you both climb into your tiny, twin bed. with her arm wrapped around you, you nestled into her side, inhaling her scent — cedar and mahogany teakwood. she rubbed slow and small circles on your back, calming your nerves.

"i don't know if i'm stuck out for this," you murmur, "college is jus' a lot. don't know if this is what i'm meant to do." you look up at her with big and glossy eyes. "hey," she whispers, "you are one of the smartest people i know, and you are so fucking hard working, always putting in 100 into everything you do."

a tear trails down your face and ellie continues. "you can do anything you out your pretty mind to do, anything, baby," she coos, "you're meant to do this." ellie leans down to press a kiss on your forehead, "and if you're still unsure about school and all, then that's okay too. you can choose something else you wanna do, and i'll be here, rooting for you every step of the way."

you heart warms up in your chest, feeling fuzzy. "thank you," you dote, "i'm so lucky to have you, els." ellie smiles down at you, leaning in to kiss you tenderly.

"always, sweet girl," ellie wraps her arm tighter around you, "now, come here. relax a lil' more, yeah?" you nod and cuddle back into her warmth, and she presses another reassuring kiss on top of your head.

#ellie williams #ellie tlou #ellie williams tlou #the last of us #the last of us ellie #ellie williams x reader #ellie x reader #tlou #ellie x fem reader #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams fluff #ellie williams angst #ellie x reader hc

[jakeyt]

Covet: Chapter 10 (Part 1 of 2)

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x f!Reader

Covet Summary:

Life was good. No, life was great. 

Was. 

Until.

Jake Kiszka crashed into the picture.

You welcomed him into your life—your home. 

Yes, he was your best friend’s twin. But, he was also the one who would end up disrupting your whole world with his attitude, his troubles, and the annoyingly natural way he lured you in. 

Jake Kiszka came with so much you really didn’t want.

At least that’s what you tried to convince yourself.

Warnings: MINORS DNI (18+); angst; extreme feelings of stress and anxiety; feelings of sadness; abandonment issues; allusions to a dark, forgotten childhood; therapy; EMDR therapy; arguing/raising of voices; heart issues (POTs); use of heart monitors; hemoglobin kits mentioned; jealousy; body changes as a result of pregnancy; negative self-talk; baby talk galore; pregnancy hormones (. . .but just wait for part 2 lol); reader continues being sad while she checks Jake out... but now we see jake being sad while he checks reader out lol; mild description of oral sex (m! receiving) (as usual, PLEASE lmk if i missed anything that is triggering to you!)

Chapter Word Count: 27.4k+

a/n: hi, loves :) i am sorry for the wait! won't go into detail, but life is a mf beast rn, and i'm rolling w it the best i can. this is a hobby. and while it does take up the majority of my free time, it is also not my main job! so, please be patient as life isn’t easy!

without further ado, here is chapter 10, pt 1... you will get pt 2 tomorrow - it is all set and ready to upload, but i must let the anticipation rise after pt 1. ;)

part 1 includes a hell-ton of stuff that i've been waiting to write - and been waiting for you to read! eek! this chapter is the beginning of a ~new chapter~ in everyone's lives... so, strap in <3 things are about to get real interesting......

as usual, thank you to my lovely sister @joshym for being my encourager and for aiding in expanding on ideas when i feel stuck as hell lol i love you more than words can properly articulate <3

Please enjoy the playlist as you read 🖤 (i listen to it nonstop while i write this story.... all of the songs are pertinent to the plot and assist in telling it - either already or eventually.)

Covet Masterlist

-🌼🌼🌼-

"Conscience and covetousness are never to be reconciled; like fire and water they always destroy each other, according to the predominancy of the element."

-Jeremy Collier

-🌼🌼🌼-

November 17, 2022

After several moments of standing there, you started to feel very naked under Jake’s stare. 

The realization that you were still butt-fucking-naked under your towel had you wanting to escape the entire situation. It added one more reason why you wanted to hide in your room for all of eternity.

You didn’t know how to process what had just happened. . . All you knew was that any idea of a nice talk where you revealed the truth to him. . . Was gone. 

He knew now. And you were freaking the fuck out. 

-🌼🌼🌼-

Jake’s POV

There was no doubting her. Not for a single second. The baby was mine and I’d known it in my heart before I asked. 

I really just wanted to hear her say it. 

During our time together, just like she’d been it for me, I knew in my heart that I’d been it for her. I’d known her, backwards and forwards. And, within that time that I knew her so well, we’d become close. So close that, without meaning to make it—us— more, we’d made it more. 

I gave her a better look, not able to put into words what the fuck I was feeling. Let my eyes trail down her body, covered only by a towel. 

She adjusted her towel, tighter around her body. Was she self conscious? She shouldn’t have been. She was always beautiful. And I was afraid pregnancy was only going to enhance her beauty. . . I noticed as she tightened her towel, the action made her full breasts spill even more from the top of the towel. I averted my eyes, willing my dick to not react. Instead, I trained my eyes below, on her belly. 

And now that I knew, I could see. Even through the fluffiness of the towel, I could see a certain roundness to her belly that had never been there before. A full-blown bump. Still small by some standards, but big enough that I should have fucking noticed. 

Not able to help it, my eyes scanned her heaving chest, the tops of her tits fully exposed above the towel. It made so much sense why I’d noticed them looking bigger. . . Because they were bigger. Growing. Every day. To nourish our baby. 

Our baby.

I looked away from her. . . I couldn’t look at her right now. Not when she— when I. . . God.

How had I been so oblivious?! I lived with her for Christ’s sake. Was it my fault that I hadn’t allowed myself to be more present in her life? Was it because I was seeing Maya now? God. No. It wasn’t on me to watch for things like that anymore. Not since she’d told me that I’d served my purpose. That I was just convenient. . . And all of the other hateful shit she’d spit in my face that day in the kitchen. 

The day my heart fucking broke after pounding in my chest. . . Pleading with her to help me understand all of it. But she hadn't fucking stopped . . . Just kept going. Breaking me. Saying things I never, in a million years, ever wanted to hear from her. 

I’d let her become more in my life. I thought it was meant to last. Thought that she had become my someone. More than relationship. More than friends. She had just . . . Been there. She’d nestled into a place made just for her in my heart. Like she was supposed to have been there all along. 

I’d never wanted her to leave. But she’d wanted to. She’d put her foot down, not leaving any goddamn room for argument. 

And my heart. . . Fucking broken after beating the hardest it ever had in my chest. . . Shattered into an infinite number of tiny shards at my feet. I’d spent days picking up the shreds, my hands getting cut every time I tried to fix in me what she’d torn apart. There was a part of me that knew exactly why she’d done it. I fucking knew. Knew that she didn’t think she deserved happiness or some shit. But there was no use in entertaining what I knew when she refused to acknowledge the truth. 

The night we’d smoked and I’d told her that I— and then she’d told me that she— Jesus. The moment had been so real, so solid. . . The words had fallen from my lips without any hint of question. Even being under the influence, I felt the connection we’d made in that moment. I thought about the words everyday for weeks after I’d left the kitchen on that hellish day. 

Then there was the transcendental sex we’d had when we made it into her room that night. She’d been so wet, waiting for me. . . Fuck it all. Wait— not— no. The night we’d smoked. . . We hadn’t used protection. Was that when—?

The inside of my brain was just going fucking insane and I couldn’t— goddammit!

I ran a hand through my hair a couple of times, the other one still holding my keys. I  needed to do something with both of my hands. Besides balling them into fists and creating divets in one palm with my fingertips and the other with my keys.

I was tired of just standing there, in front of this woman I’d fallen for at a time when I thought I’d never wanted to love again. . . The same woman who’d shattered me. And, now, the very same woman who was carrying my child. . . 

There was no use in trying to organize any thoughts. Pacing seemed to be the only option. So, back and forth, back and forth, I walked in about a foot of space. Just waded in these uncharted fucking waters. All I knew at this moment was she was pregnant. And she’d lied to me about it. 

How long had she—? How far along was—?

And why in the hell had Josh known before me?! Of all fucking people . . . Fuck! 

“Jake,” her voice tore through the catastrophic mess of shit in my head. 

I didn’t look at her. How could I? When she’d left me in the dark. Once again, prioritized Josh over me. Even when it came to my child. Absolutely fucking incredible.

“Jake, please,” she muttered, voice cracking on the word please. My heart couldn’t handle the sound. “I can’t— I’m not in the right state of mind to just stand here and—.” I stopped pacing and peered up at her finally, my hair surely a mess around my hot face when I let my eyes pierce hers. 

But as soon as I made eye contact with her, I softened. I hated to see her cry. Hated it. And the sobs suddenly wracking her were unexpected. It hurt my heart to stand there and watch her like that. 

But— she’d brought this on herself. Right?! Fuck. 

As much as I wanted to walk to her and hug her, I didn’t. I stayed where I was, offering a half-assed look of pity. It wasn’t her turn to hurt over this. I was the one just finding out. Not her.

“Y/n,” I tried, weakly. But god it sucked to say her name right now. “Just— god. There are so many—.”

“Questions, I know,” she finished, walking a couple hesitant steps toward me. But I took two back, away from her. 

The way her body slacked at my action made me want to take it back. There were a lot of things I wanted to do. Some understandable, some not so much. I wanted to cry. Kiss her. Hug her. Feel her. Help her. Scream at her. 

But, she was right. I did have so many fucking questions. 

“How long?” I asked, breath shallow, never letting my eyes leave hers. 

She kept up, not looking away from me. “How long have I known? Or how long have I been—?”

“Both.”

“I—,” she stuttered, closing her eyes tight, her beautiful face contorted in what I could only assume was emotional turmoil. 

I watched as she balled her fists, clenching them a few times. Then, as she released them, she seemed to plant her feet firmly on the floor— her body, rigid and straight. 

When she opened her eyes and found mine again, I could clearly see the tears that had accumulated on her lashes. And her eyes, that would forever take my breath away, were daring to shed more of them.

“Don’t cry,” I couldn’t help but calmly reassure her, my voice soft as I went to stand closer to her again. Not close. Just— closer. “Just. . . keep going. Talk me through it. Talk us through it.” 

She breathed deeply, in and out, once. I strained to not let my eyes fall to her chest— to admire the way her fuller breasts would rise and fall. . . I resisted, focusing on her eyes. Her face, rivaling all gods of beauty. . . 

After taking one more calming breath, she began. “I’m three months along,” she paused momentarily, as if thinking of something. “Three months today, actually.”

Three months.

“And how long have you known?”

“I’ve known for about a month,” she responded, bringing her shoulders higher and sniffling once. She blinked once, tightening her fists once more. “That’s not to say I told anyone right away. I kept it to myself. I was scared. I didn’t know what the fuck to do.”

I let her words sit in the air for a few minutes, thought them through at least five times before I couldn’t keep the next question to myself any longer. 

“When did Josh find out?” 

Her jaw flexed as her fists bunched up; eyebrows, drawn together as she glanced down briefly, her eyes snapping back to mine. “Why the fuck is that important right now?”

Oh, she wanted to get angry? Okay.

“Seriously?” I said, my tone sharp as I pointed a finger at her. “You telling my brother about my baby before me is pretty fucking disheartening. Especially when I — fuck. You know why it’s important.”

“I’m sorry. . . I’m stuck on something you said. . . When you called it your baby,” she leveled, stepping toward me once. I didn’t move, only stood taller and sighed deeply, nostrils flared. “Please, tell me more. About how you’re the one who had to find out all by herself. And if you’re the one who had to find out all by herself, you’re probably also the one who’s going to have to stretch her body out to carry this baby for the next six months,” her voice rose with every word she spoke. She sighed, a smile shaking on her lips, yet lacking any positive emotion. “I must’ve fucking forgotten.”

All I could do was stare at her; because, in spite of all of that truth, I was still angry with her. She’d twisted my words. She knew what I fucking meant. 

She just wanted an opportunity to pin something on me in her moment of insecurity. 

It was definitely something she would do in a state of upset. Hell, it was something I would do. Without a thought. I was known for it. Could I be upset with her for doing the same thing? Dammit. I just felt conflicted as hell — didn’t know how to feel about it all. 

I was happy. Really. Truly. Completely over the moon ecstatic at getting to be a father. I just— I couldn’t wrap my mind around the idea of it. All of the information, the reality of my life. . . It wasn’t sinking in worth shit. Though, at the same time, it felt so incredibly real. 

On the same hand, I also felt completely betrayed to not know a damned thing until this moment. It was fine that she waited to tell me. No question about that. But telling Josh before me still pissed me the fuck off. . . And it would until she understood why it made me so angry. 

She’d confided in him about the baby I helped her make. When she hadn’t even told me. Probably hadn’t even been planning on telling me anytime fucking soon. Because of her determination to keep me out of the loop when it came to our child, I’d had to find out on my own. By accident. 

All because I was a motherfucking identical twin. What were the chances of that shit?

I didn’t get to have a moment of joy at the thought of being a father because I was too busy reading how grateful she was for Josh amidst this pregnancy. All I could think about was how she hadn’t been grateful for me. Hadn’t been grateful enough to keep me in her life. 

She’d pushed me out. But not Josh. Definitely not Josh. She would never say to Josh what she said to me in the kitchen.

I couldn’t take it.

Unable to control my actions, I started acting before thinking. . . Not even looking at her, I focused only on the keys in my hand, still waiting for me to go somewhere. I had to go somewhere. Had to get the fuck out of the apartment that had brought me both my greatest days and my most heartbreaking. 

And this day was officially both.

Pulling the door open without even thinking about it, seeing through blurred tunnel vision, I heard her say my name, once again choking on sobs behind me. Even after I closed the door, she continued to wail my name. 

My heart was longing to stay back with her. Begging me to stay where I knew I needed to. The guilt was heavy. Baby or not, my heart yearned for the woman. Even when I shouldn’t want her, I did. And I really shouldn’t after what she’d said in the kitchen.

I knew it was a dick move to leave. I knew it. But I had to. Couldn’t explain it. So, with blurred vision and hearing her repeat my name and begging me not to leave, I continued down the cemented, outdoor hallway and to the stairs. 

End of Jake’s POV

-🌼🌼🌼-

Gone. Found out about it and then he was just. . . gone. 

You stood there long enough to let him walk back through the door. Until he might’ve come back, ready to make things right.

You waited too long. But when you started getting a chill from standing there in your towel, you were suddenly ready to put some clothes on. Ready to hide. Maybe Jake had the right idea to run away.

In the case he didn’t come back tonight, you didn’t want to be waiting for him all night, getting your hopes up. . . only to have them crushed.

Your heart was already burning in your chest, all the way down to the pit of your stomach, at the worry of him not returning.

-🌼🌼🌼-

You firmly decided on leaving for a bit. Follow his lead. You went about your business to get your ass out of your home before it swallowed you whole in your fears and worries of Jake.

But. . . driving sounded stupid as hell. You wouldn’t have been able to see past the clouds of tears in your eyes to safely arrive at your destination. And, as sad as you were, you weren’t sad enough to want to wreck your car. The baby’s life was the first you considered. But–then. . . you realized you had a burning desire to keep going for you, too. . . despite Jake leaving, you wanted to keep going. The sadness hadn’t completely overtaken you.

So, you’d wisely decided to schedule an Uber. And while you waited, you hastily pulled your cute gray sweatsuit (thank you, TikTok shop) onto your body as quickly as you could, making sure to put on a sports bra underneath to hold your boobs in place. They continued to hurt like hell. You really needed to get a maternity bra.

And then, after you’d fed Stevie, you waited for the Uber and prayed that it would show up before Jake got back home. 

Well. . .if he came back home tonight. It was very bold of you to just assume he would. Why would he want to return? Your own mother left you because you weren’t worth anything. And tonight, Jake had made it perfectly clear he felt the same way your mom had.

The Uber showed up in no time. . .sooner than you’d scheduled for it to arrive. 

As the black Toyota Solara finally came into view, you wiped your tears for the millionth time since Jake had left. The sobs that wracked your chest hadn’t stopped painting your cheeks since he’d walked out the door. Because, well, he had left you. The one person you wanted with you for this had left when you needed him most.

-🌼🌼🌼-

Applebee’s. The sign to the restaurant had you feeling the urge to do happy dance, even amidst your raging emotions. But you concealed it for the sake of your Uber driver.

For the past few days, you’d been craving their alfredo specifically. The fear of ruining it like you’d ruined so many other foods, had kept you from DoorDashing it. 

But tonight? Tonight you’d decided to treat yourself, and instead of being scared that you’d throw it all up, you took the chance. Thus, scheduling the Uber to drive you to fucking Applebee’s. Of all places.

You’d been sitting for probably five minutes at a booth (comfortably, but definitely lonely), when the rain started pouring down outside your booth’s window. 

And at approximately the same time, you noticed the large group of men around your age at the bar, backwards baseball caps and muscles presumably only huge from steroids. They were screaming at the top of their lungs as a football game droned on on the TV in front of them.

The rain, the jocks. . . made you long for your bed immediately. . . Made you wish you would have just stayed home to wallow for the sole opportunity of letting the thunder lull you to a (much needed) restful sleep. Though, based on the night’s events, you weren’t sure how peaceful that slumber would actually be. Or how quickly it would come.

Thankfully, the prospect of going home came as soon as you started longing for it. The young waitress came by to ask for your drink order, but you went ahead and ordered the alfredo you’d been craving – along with the soft pretzels and cheese which automatically stood out to you when you’d opened the menu. 

Now all you were hoping was that you wouldn’t end up vomiting your guts up over your toilet later. Or worse, all over an Uber driver. You were taking a chance. This was the first time you’d eaten out since starting your new journey of eating and nausea meds. 

Speaking of, you promptly popped a PregEase in your mouth, directly from the stash in your belt bag slung across your chest.

You were thankful for the meds, but at the moment, you were actually totally fine with risking it. The one reason being: food was working as a pretty fantastic distraction from your problems for the time being. So. . . you were letting it do its job.

When the waitress brought your water out to you, your phone started buzzing and ringing in your belt bag, succeeding in interrupting you thanking her. The reverberations felt so good against your boobs (don’t fucking judge); at this point, you were convinced your chest was bound to feel like two heavy bags of tiny nails, for the rest of your life. Nothing brought them relief, and the phone felt surprisingly nice.

She kindly smiled, bringing your attention back to her from your boobs, saying she'd be back soon with your appetizer. You responded with a similar smile to hers and went about balancing all of the shit in your belt bag to get your phone out. 

You figured it was probably Elsie. She was the one most likely to be calling you at this time of night. She was known for using the late hour to openly vent to you about her day. Though, since Josh, the calls had become fewer and fewer. 

Finally getting the phone out and peeking at the screen, you were suddenly wishing it was Elsie. Because, the name staring back at you was making your tummy feel like swirling electricity. 

The process of getting your phone out had taken long enough, though, that you’d missed the call completely. You weren’t sure if it was a bullet dodged or a missed opportunity you were instantaneously longing to happen again.

You didn’t have to contemplate it for too long before his name was lighting up your screen again. And it was admittedly weird seeing his name with your current lockscreen wallpaper. . . A couple days ago, you’d impulsively taken a picture of the sonogram picture from your first appointment and made it your wallpaper. 

What if you’d accidentally left your phone where he could find it? Damn. Were you wanting him to find out on his own? Was that going to be your pussy ass way of telling him? Or were you just being impulsive and dumb?

Once again, the call went to voicemail. Except, there wasn’t time for him to leave one with how quickly he was calling you back.

Goddamn, y/n. Answer, your inner encourager forced you impatiently.

Swallowing thickly, you went to slide your finger over to answer. Your body was swimming with an increasing amount of anxiety. But, you answered it.

“Hello?” You spoke faintly, your belly flip flopping. 

He’s probably calling to say he’s packing his shit and moving out.

“Where are you?!” He asked, his voice ragged and worried. Uneven with what could only be fear. “I got home and you weren’t here and I’m freaking the fuck out. Are you okay? Are you safe? Are you with someone?”

Wait. What? Why was he scared?

For some reason, you wanted to be obtuse and not answer his questions. Apparently you were just feeling like an asshole tonight. You didn’t know. You were just tired as hell and didn’t know how to approach him. You wanted to tell him. But, you didn’t.

“I’m fine. I’m just not home.”

“Y/n. Fucking duh. I just told you I’m here,” he replied, impatient but still concerned. “Where are you?”

“What if I don’t want to tell you?” Lie.

He sighed. You could imagine him running a hand across his forehead. His eyes were most likely closed, out of patience. Damn. You’d gotten real used to stressing him out if you could guess the motions.

“Then don’t, I guess,” he relented, voice tense and irritated. “Can you just let me know you’re safe?”

As if on cue, the guys at the bar went ballistic. It made you tense up and roll your eyes at the disruption they were causing to the entire restaurant. But, specifically how they were shouting in the middle of you talking to Jake.  

“Are you at a party?” He gaped, sounding utterly shocked.

Yet again, the men started screaming at the top of their lungs, proceeding to yell a variation of the words Yes! and go-go-go-go!, plus a bunch of other shit you couldn’t understand.

You couldn’t help the growl that came from your mouth, your eyes slowly closing in annoyance. “No, Jacob. Do you really think I’d be at a party?”

“Jesus, sorry,” he apologized. He let out a deep sigh, causing the speaker to rattle a little into your ear. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I’m worried about you.”

Worried about–? What?

Lay off of him, y/n. You were crying buckets before you left home because you wanted him so badly. Come on. You know he is not the cause of the football fuckers going ham. Don’t take it out on him.

You let out a giant sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose. Tried to tune out the men to your left. Because Jake. Jake was on the phone. And it didn’t take rocket science to know that you really wanted to see him. Quite frankly, you felt the need to see him. 

But. . .did he want to see you? Or was he just being kind? Only worried about you because he was a decent human being? With no underlying, deeper meaning other than you being pregnant and alone? Did it make you weak if you told him where you were? 

Who cares? Just tell him.

“I’m at Applebee’s,” you sighed, rubbing your forehead before placing the same hand over your round belly to trace shapes against it. 

“Are you with someone?” He asked, tone smooth with a slight edge behind it.

“No, Jake,” you grumbled. Why did he care?

“Do you want me there?” He questioned apprehensively, sounding like it was what he wanted.

But why? He’d left you.

“Do you want to be here?”

“Yes–well,” he paused. “Only if you want me there.”

“Do you think I want you here?”

Why the game of 20 Questions, y/n? His night has already been hard enough.

You knew why. You were avoiding the impending confrontation of seeing him again. Just as much as you did want to see him, you were putting it off because you were nervous. There was no telling what would be said. Would he leave again? Would he say he didn’t want to be in the child’s life? Did it even matter?

“Yes,” he softly responded, waiting for you to confirm or deny.

He was right. And he’d unintentionally answered both of your questions. Yes, it mattered and yes, you wanted him here.

So, after telling him which Applebee’s you were at, he told you he’d be there soon and to stay put before he hung up. The sloppy jocks suddenly started cheering again, clapping each other’s backs. Though, in spite of them, you couldn’t help the quiet smile that swept over your lips.

He was coming for you.

-🌼🌼🌼-

There were about ten minutes between your apartment and Applebee’s, so you waited. 

Just ten minutes. But time crawled.

You were equal parts excited and terrified to see him. The only plausible solution to ease you while you waited, was to watch the door. Your brain was tripping over questions and curiosities all based around him, but just like you’d tried to do all night, you ignored them. Just watched. the. door. 

In reality, you really didn’t have much time to think about a whole lot before Jake was walking through the doors.  Not wearing a rain jacket (or a jacket of any sort) to cover him from the rain. . . which meant he was soaking. wet.

And oh no no no no. . . seeing him like that was not good for your baby hormones. Fuck. Why hadn’t he grabbed one before he left the apartment?!

He was going to catch a cold.

To be totally truthful, you were quite happy he hadn’t put one on. . . Reason being, you could see every single droplet that dripped from his hair. . .that touched his skin. You watched each one fall from the long strands of his wavy locks. Some dripped one-by-one, down the thick column of his neck. And others, directly to the tanned skin of his chest. . . Some even trailing to a hidden place underneath his shirt. . .

He was wearing a light blue button down, the material completely stained from the heavy, unrelenting downpour. You wanted to just peel it off of him–take care of him. You wanted to remove each piece of clothing, carefully dry every part of his body. . .

Not even meaning to, you caught yourself biting your lower lip before soothing it with a lick of your lips. . . 

Okay, y/n. Biting and licking your lips? Seriously?! Stop.

You turned around, pinching your eyes shut. Honestly, ogling over him in this very public space was not ideal. Shouldn’t have been ogling him at all. He wasn’t yours. But dammit your body couldn’t help but heat in his presence. 

Though, the atmosphere of the restaurant did not match your mood at all. In addition to the hoard of men with their beer, the place had become busier – bustling with groups of women and men alike. 

The football guys were still the worst part. You were getting sick of them–on your last nerve.

The continuous hooting and hollering that emitted from the men was obnoxious at best. Stereotypical men. In their natural habitat. They hadn’t stopped acting like heathens during the game and whooped loudly at every Republican ad that played during the commercial breaks. . . Beer bottles repeatedly clanged against each other. You were coming to realize there was zero chance of them quieting down. 

And suddenly it dawned on you that the idea of having to talk to Jake in an Applebee’s, during a (presumably important) football game, sounded dreadful. Having white college men as background noise was the last thing you wanted.

You looked back over towards the door, anxious to set eyes on a real man. Only to find he was finally making his way to you. His shoulders, broad, but shaking and shivering. He kept his arms tightly at his sides, hands in pockets and arms flexing with the shivers, beneath the thin material of his button down. 

You didn’t look too long, though. . . Turned back around — didn’t want to stare long enough for him to catch you. You shook your thoughts away. And for the first time since you’d sat down, the young, drunken men were slightly welcomed as they helped to keep you nailed down to the present with their ludicrous screams. 

Before you knew it, his body came into your view, walking down the small aisle to your table. God, he was handsome. Even with flushed cheeks and wet hair sticking to his face, he was beautiful. 

When Jake finally slid into the booth, he was still shaking off his chill. He cupped his hands around his mouth and breathed harshly into them before clapping and rubbing them together under the table. You knew you were in a daze watching him and you’d stay that way if you didn’t try to speak soon.

“Are you trying to catch a fucking cold?” You hastily questioned him, raising your eyebrow for emphasis. 

He stilled momentarily, setting a steady glare your way. “I rushed here. I didn’t think about grabbing one before just focusing on getting here.”

“Why the rush? You knew I was safe.”

“I was anxious to see you.”

Your heart leapt into your throat. So anxious to not grab a cover for this rainstorm? Why? 

“But you’re the one who left me,” you responded hesitantly after taking a minute to consider his words.

Suddenly, he stopped shaking. He cast his eyes down, sweeping over the table as he chewed at the inside of his cheek. 

“I didn’t know what else to do,” he muttered before glancing up at you with eyes that read regret. “It was not the right decision. I know that and I’m so sorry. But I was just feeling a shit ton of emotions and I— I didn’t know what else—.”

“To do. I know,” you finished for him, nodding along to remind him he’d already mentioned that. “That’s not a valid excuse.”

He looked about ready to agree, but then his brows wrinkled and he tilted his head. He looked unsure. “I’m not sure if it’s valid or not, but it’s definitely not an excuse. I quite honestly didn’t know how the fuck to react, so that’s how I chose to feel it. Just needed to leave and refresh by—.”

“By fucking Maya?” You bit back.

What–?

Shit. Where the hell did those words come from? You hadn’t even. . . fuckfuckfuck. Nothing like fully exposing feelings you harbored.

“Excuse me?” He clipped back, voice alternating to a deeper tone. Aggravated. 

You stuttered out a reply the best you could. “I–I was– I didn’t mean to–,” you bowed your head, ashamed of yourself. “I don’t know where that came from. I’m sorry.”

Really, you were very sorry. It was uncalled for. 

His response was unexpected. “Don’t be sorry,” he softly said, sighing. Your eyes drew up, waiting to hear what else he had to say. You were not expecting him to reassure you. If you were in his shoes, you’d be appalled. He was rubbing his forehead when he tiredly responded, “Emotions are high right now.”

“Yeah, I guess. Except. . . I don’t really have a reason to be a bitch because I’ve already dealt with this,” you explained, motioning to your belly at the word this. “I’ve accepted it and I need to just. . . calm down.”

He snorted a laugh, brushing the tip of his nose with his pointer finger. The black hair-tie wrapped around his middle finger flashed into view. “Y/n, honey,” he started. But–you were slightly incoherent. Honey? What the fu–? “You’ve always been emotional. In all situations. No matter what,” he blew out a breath, a shiver running up his spine. He was drying off, slowly but surely. “I, of all people, would know.”

That last bit distracted you momentarily from him calling you a pet name. A sweet one at that. But. . . you weren’t focused on that. Rather, you were reeling at the fact that he’d just essentially made mention of the fact that he was the victim of you exposing your raw emotional state.

All you could think about— as you saw a glimpse of hurt flash over his brown eyes, him no doubt thinking of the same thing—was the kitchen. That blessed day in the kitchen where you’d gone full blast on him.

Avert avert avert.

You coughed, trying your best to clear the air. “I know it was probably necessary for you to go—leave. . . To think somewhere else, but . . . it did just suck for you to leave,” you admitted shyly. “It wasn’t an ideal time to be alone. Although. . .,” you sighed, watching his face as he concentrated on you. “I guess I brought it on myself. I should have told you sooner.”

“I am curious. . . Why didn’t you?”

“Because I was afraid of that happening,” you truly stated, waving your hand towards him. “I was afraid of you . . . leaving or something that would hurt like hell. . .”

He nodded, pursing his lips as he considered it. “I understand that,” he caught your eyes, his own, soft. Then, suddenly vulnerable. “But. . . wouldn’t it have been easier to tell me first? And wasn’t it maybe more daunting to tell Josh? I mean you had to tell him about–,” he motioned between you two. You couldn’t help the blush that painted your cheeks. Then, he looked curious, brow quirked. “Wait. . . does he even know that it’s mine?”

“Yes, he does,” you confirmed with a barely-there grin. 

He looked like he wanted to ask you something else, but ended up shaking his head and looking down at his lap, his hands moving to twiddle beneath the table before he did. 

“You’re partially right. It would have made more sense to tell you first,” you agreed partially with his earlier statement, watching him. “But I’m not sure it would have been easier. . . there are factors in the way–between us. . . people that don’t deserve to have their lives changed.”

When he looked up from where he’d been watching his hands move, his eyes met yours. You shared a look, and you knew he understood why it would have been difficult. He knew the people–the person–you were referring to. 

“I see your point. But. . .,” he cleared his throat. “It’s just me. No matter what’s changed between us. . . I’m still me. And this particular situation only concerns you, me, and the baby. No one else,” he clarified. “So, just because she’s in the picture now. . . it doesn’t mean you need to keep things from me.”

She's in the picture now. . . Stupidly, those words broke your heart.

The waitress was suddenly at the table with your food. All of it. Pretzel sticks, cheese, and your main course. She set your order on the table, but you knew you didn’t want to be here much longer. Not when you heard the hollering begin again towards the bar. You were also growing increasingly more tired by the second. 

“Can I get the alfredo to go?” You asked hopefully. 

“Sure! You want me to bring boxes for the rest, too?” Her large gray eyes were wide and bright with her seemingly innocent youth. “Just in case.”

“Yeah,” you grinned, leaning your arms on the table. “Sounds good. Thanks.”

She had nodded and was beginning to walk off when she noticed Jake sitting with you. When she saw him, her eyes bugged out and she stopped in her tracks before continuing any further.

“Wait–,” she started, her brow lifting. “Are you. . . in a band?”

His eyes darted to yours and then back to hers before he answered with a wide grin. “Yeah, actually,” he replied. “I am. It’s called–.”

“I know what it’s called!” She shrieked, her face lighting up instantaneously. “My friends and I love you guys. We’ve been to a few of your shows. We even saw you at the festival and got your demo CD! We went just for you guys,” she gushed, not pausing for more than a second. “I was so excited when I started to see your posters all over,” she rushed out, squealing a little. “We’re so excited for your shows coming up!”

His grin loosened, his cheeks flushing along with hers. “Well, thanks for coming to see us when we play,” he softly responded. “We have some other music being released soon. With a label,” he winked, glancing your way. You blushed, too, for whatever reason. What was happening in front of you? “Be on the lookout.”

The waitress’s smile took up her entire face. “Oh, we will!” She nodded enthusiastically, watching him closely for a few seconds longer than necessary. “I have to tell you. . . you’re so much hotter up close. I mean, from far away, hell yes. But right here? Oh my god.”

You decided you were definitely ready to leave. 

The guys at the bar began exploding at the football game just then, the rain was still pattering against the window, tempting you. . . and then there was the apparent fangirl who did not want to leave. . . your eyes flickered to Jake’s. He’d been watching you, waiting for a sign.

“Do you mind grabbing those boxes?” He asked politely, his smile a bit more forced now. 

And he didn’t even have to ask twice before she was nodding excitedly and racing off to get him what he wanted. 

-🌼🌼🌼-

Thanks to Jake intervening and then quickly getting your food in the boxes for you, you were in his car within fifteen minutes. He’d effectively taken over the bill and paid for you, and had run to grab his car while he made you wait at the door. 

“You don’t need to be getting sick,” he’d explained, right before he covered the front of his face, beeping his car unlocked, and running to pull it up.

Your heart fluttered in your chest at the way he was tending to you. 

But before you could feel too giddy about it, you felt weird about it. You didn’t want him to suddenly like you again just because you were carrying his baby. He didn’t need to go above and beyond—you didn’t want him to feel obligated to do anything. So, as soon as he’d pulled his Jeep up (and helped you up and inside of it, effectively getting himself soaked again), you got in and waited for him to get in.

As you sat, it encouraged you even more because he’d even gone the extra mile and turned on the seat heaters. He was doing too much when he didn’t need to.

He’d started driving as soon you got in, and you tried damn hard not to watch him drive. Because, you’d just learned, that for some asinine reason, your fucking baby hormones went into overdrive when you’d tried watching a soaking wet Jake behind the wheel of his car. The way he leaned back, relaxed, one arm resting on the console between you two. . .

So, in order to distract yourself, you brought up your winding trail of thought. 

“Please don’t start caring about me again just because I’m carrying your baby.”

You heard him scoff under his breath, the sound alone making your heartbeat quicken as you waited for his response. 

“Start caring about you again? What does that even—?” 

Crossing your arms under your (always sore) boobs, you sat up straighter in your seat to keep some sort of dignity as you further explained. “Jake, you’ve been distancing yourself from me for months now—and for good reason, mind you—I just don’t want you to start doing nice things just because of this situation,” you sighed, deciding to instead lace your hands across your stomach. Training your eyes on your thumbs that tapped your sweatshirt, you continued. “I don’t need you overextending yourself on my behalf.”

He didn’t say anything for a while, and next time you looked up, you were already at the second to last light to the complex. Biting your lip, you contemplated what to say to break the heavy air in the car. . . you always hated when you felt like you’d said something wrong. And you knew you were very good at saying the wrong thing. 

So, you decided on an apology. “I’m sorry if something I said was wrong,” you offered, pitifully. It had been a long night. There was no way you wanted to end it with him mad at you. “Really. I just—.”

“You’re overthinking, y/n,” he promptly cut you off, making a turn to the last light. “I never stopped— I didn’t stop caring about you when we stopped—,” he blew out a breath, stopping at the red light. 

“I’m sorry I said tha—.”

“No. Don’t be sorry. You’re right; I have been distant. And, again, you were right when you said it's for good reason. It’s been for damn good fucking reason,” he clipped, letting the words sit in the air for a minute. “But just because I’m not talking to you or falling asleep next to you—.” He coughed. You could imagine he was shaking his head. “It doesn’t mean I don’t still want what’s best for you. Hence why I’m the one who initiated the therapy conversation. I kept my end of the deal and researched for you because I care.”

Your insides had officially turned to mush and you weren’t sure how to process that he still cared so deeply. But, he was right. . . Him bringing up the therapy showed his heart. . . You knew his heart. Knew how deeply he felt things. . . What you would continue to wonder was why you were something he hadn’t stopped caring about. When you’d been such a massive bitch. You weren’t worth it.

Heart beating quickly in your chest, you cleared your throat as he once again passed through a green light. The last one. You were almost home. 

Gotta wrap it up quickly.

“I’m sorry again,” you muttered. “For not telling you sooner.”

“Don’t be. It was your call to tell who you wanted first,” he sighed, turning on his right blinker to turn into the complex. “I just need to get out of my head about it—need to not let it piss me off.”

You looked out the windshield, the rain had let up. It was only sprinkling now. Taking a deep breath, you admitted to him what you knew to be true. “I really should have told you before Josh. I know that.”

Glimpsing for a millisecond from the corner of your eye, you saw his lip quirk before he looked your way at the perfect moment. Your eyes met briefly before you turned back to observe the parking lot through your window.

“Really?” He questioned warily. “Do you mean that or are you just saying it to make me feel better? Because you don’t have to do that just because I’m being a pussy abou–.”

The snort-laugh that came from you was unintentional, but you couldn’t contain it. “Jake. You aren’t being a pussy.” You turned your head to get a better look at his face now that he’d parked. His eyes waited for yours, highlighted by the fluorescent light he’d parked underneath. Right next to your Jetta. Smiling, you surely stated, “And, yes, I mean it. Truly. I know it would’ve been the right thing for me to tell you first.” 

Considering the car was still running and in park. . .it seemed he wasn’t anxious to get inside. He was content like this. . . at least that’s what you gathered from the way he’d swiveled his body to face you better from his seat. So, you continued on with honesty, while you felt brave. “I was just really scared. Scared to tell you and learn how you’d react. . . I didn’t want to disappoint you with something you really do not need to be responsible for . . .”

Then, the unthinkable happened and he was reaching over to hold your hand over the console. It was a feeling unlike any other–the feeling of his skin against yours. The comfort of his hand, the warmth, the callouses that scratched your flesh the slightest bit as he rubbed the top of your hand with his thumb. How long had it been since he’d touched you?

His voice and the squeeze he gave your hand brought you out of your daze. “Y/n. . . look at me.” You did as he said, following his soft, gravelly tone, finding his eyes with your own. “I am the furthest thing from disappointed.”

“But–,” you shook your head, your brow wrinkled as you searched his eyes. “But the way you left. How angry you were because I hadn’t told you yet–or–or before Josh. . .”

“There’s a difference between feeling plain old upsetedness and full on disappointment,” he clarified, his eyes swimming in yours. His strong hand lightly held yours, squeezing once more. “I assure you, I was never once disappointed tonight that you are having my baby.”

. . .having my baby. The words bounced around in your head. . . hearing him say those words just. . . did something to your heart.

“I’m excited about all of it. Honestly.” He smiled, his eyes crinkling in the corners with how his eyes lit up at the sentiment. “I mean, it was a lot to wrap my mind around and I still haven’t totally grasped the reality yet, but. . . I’m happy. Very happy,” he squeezed once more, still not moving his hand from wrapping the top of yours. “And I really hope you let me take responsibility as the father of the baby, because I really want to know this child. . . already matters so much to me.”

Your heart clenched at his words. . . He meant them and you knew it. Jake’s heart was arguably the most genuine, honest, exquisite you’d ever come across. So, it really didn’t take a second thought to utter your next words. “You can absolutely have the responsibilities of a father. . . if that’s what you want,” you raised your eyebrow with the word if. And at that, he’d nodded with an I do spoken quietly against the lull of the A/C. 

Though, there was one thing that he needed to know. The protective mama in you — that part of you needed to say this for your baby’s sake. He or she would not hurt like you had your whole life. 

“However,” your tone got serious, unwavering. “You can’t pull the shit with leaving like you did tonight with the baby. If you want the responsibility, you’ve gotta be sure.”

“I am,” he said, not missing a beat. “I won’t do that again.”

“I mean, you can do it to me. I can handle it. I’ve learned that that happens. . . but the baby. . . I just–.”

“I’m not leaving either of you alone in this,” he assured, leaning closer to you. Your heart skipped a beat. Due to still drying from the rain, he smelled like the Earth– fresh, sweet, real. Solid. True. “I know you won’t be alone because you have Josh and Elsie and so many other people, but. . . I want to be in this with you and the baby.”

“What about Maya?” You lightly asked, slightly confused. 

“She’s not going anywhere anytime soon,” he responded quickly. Too quickly. It made your chest tight and a giant rock hit the pit of your stomach. “But she will understand that I have to be there for you.”

Not trusting yourself to talk with the tears gathering in your throat, you just nodded before bowing your head to look at your little tummy. Reassurance in the sweetest, most innocent form. 

He took a deep breath, the rush of his breath, fresh from a mint he’d sucked on on the way back. “I really shouldn’t have left you tonight,” he firmly stated.

You looked up from your belly, blinking a few times to register that he was speaking so closely to you, close enough for his breath, now brushed your cheek. Not super close, but close enough. Much closer than he’d been for a while. 

He continued, “And you shouldn’t have to feel guilty for telling me on your own time. You are the one who was in charge of all of those decisions. It’s your body. Your body that’s growing the baby. . . So, it’s your right to decide things like that,” he enunciated, his intent to reassure, clear in his tone. “It just sucks a little bit for me that it was Josh, but that’s on me. . . not you. But even with all of that, I really should not have left. That gave you the opposite idea of what I wanted to give you. . . It was just a-fuckin’-lot to process all at once.”

“Yes, and you are completely entitled to believing that it was a lot–that it is a lot,” you reassured him, regretting a few of your words from earlier. “Even if you’re not the one carrying the baby, it’s going to be intense for you as the father. Maybe even more so–.”

He made a little noise of disagreement, but you just gave a quiet grin, holding up a hand.

“. . .in some senses. Especially since you can only experience it from the outside. I’m the one who is experiencing all of the changes, all of the time. I’m reminded every time I look down or touch my belly, but you don’t have that luxury every moment of the day.”

“Yeah, but it’s still more for you,” he argued.

“It’s okay, Jake,” you smiled. “I still agree. Trust me. I just wanted you to know that I understand how it might end up feeling for you. I was just afraid I made you feel like you weren’t validated in feeling overwhelmed. Leaving made sense. It’s just the worst feeling for a girl with abandonment issues,” you chanced a look down at your tummy, feeling awkward approaching so many personal feelings. It felt weird that it still felt so natural. He just brought it out in you. You quickly covered, not wanting to seem overbearing. “W-which, I can handle it–it is not on you to–”

“No, it is on me,” he seriously professed, eyes earnestly holding onto yours. “I knew about your past and I still left you. I am seriously so sorr–.”

“Jake,” you sighed his name, looking up at him again. His jaw was flexing, eyebrows turned in. “Stop apologizing,” your lips lifted in a soft smile, bringing a hand to sit on top of his. “We all do things we regret and it wouldn’t be fair for us to hold those things against each other. . . when we’ve all done thoughtless things in the heat of the moment.” At the last bit, your eyes left his to flash at your tummy.  Your hand left the top of his to delicately hold your small bump. “Example A of a ‘Heat of the Moment’ moment.”

A quiet beat passed, his face thoughtful as his eyes studied your own before he spoke. 

“I don’t regret that one though,” he said, eyes so big and so beautifully deep with emotion. 

Wetness was suddenly gathering in the corners of your eyes when you traced them over him—over his chest, tanned and exhaling so handsomely with every breath he took. You looked away from his perfect pecs, and back up to his eyes. 

“I don’t either.”

There were a few slow, nearly silent moments where all you could hear was the sound of your combined breaths with the A/C blasting against you both. Your hands still held each other, gripped each other. His hair was dry. His face was dry. And in the secret dimness of the night and the bright light of the tall lamp outside, you could see all of the delicate markings and freckles on his face. The light birthmark on the tan skin of his cheek.

Before you could think to do another ‘Heat of the Moment’ thing (weird term, but it definitely applied to you), and do something like rub the skin of his birthmark with your thumb, he was breaking eye contact, skin contact, and shutting the car off. 

“Better go inside,” he said, pausing as he’d just taken the keys out of the ignition. “It’s getting late.”

“It also might start pouring again,” you added, opening your door, trying to make conversation. 

He didn’t open your door that time, like he had at the restaurant. He just sent a quiet smile your way before getting out of his side. He did, however, wait for you to meet him at the rear bumper of the car before heading back to the apartment. You matched one another’s steps in silence. It was a bit awkward now, unlike the calm, still moment in the car. Your breaths, having combined in the shared space. . .

When you’d made it inside, he told you to go get ready for bed and that he’d feed Stevie and take care of the rest of the apartment.

“You just go to bed,” he waved you off, his expression kind. “It’s been a long night and you need rest.”

He obviously wanted to help, so you let him. Albeit, you let him do so while your heart fell a bit in your chest at your evening with him coming to an end. You hoped that there would be more times like this in the future with the baby you now both knew you shared. 

Absently, you tucked a lock of hair behind your ear, then nodded and gave a faint goodnight. Once you were getting into bed in a giant t-shirt to cover the bit of ass exposed at the edges of your comfortable granny panties, you heard a little knock against your cracked door. 

You waited for him to come in since the door was still cracked, but he didn’t.

“Yeah?” You called, brows drawn in.

He opened the white paneled door just enough to show him at the threshold of your room. His hand was on the knob while he leaned with the opposite forearm against the doorframe. You did very well at not blatantly checking him out. That was something to be proud of. 

Though, you couldn’t be too proud, because you knew it was just because your tiredness had hit you like a ton of bricks. It had been impossible to ignore as soon as you’d felt the cool, soft cotton of the gray oversized t-shirt touch your skin. 

Your blinking was becoming slower and slower by the second. But your eyes perked up a little when he cleared his throat, suddenly interested in anything he had to say. Even if it was something as simple as Stevie not being hungry. Just wanted to hear his voice once more before going to bed.

And you got exactly that as his eyes swept over your face briefly, deep in thought. “I really, genuinely do want to help however I can with the baby stuff—however you want me or need me. I want to help you because it means I’m helping the baby. Our baby.”

Okay, the next time he referred to the baby being his, you were sure your heart was going to beat completely out of your chest. It did things to you.

“Alright,” you responded tiredly, a slight blush warmed your cheeks. “That sounds good.”

When you loudly yawned, he nodded with a quiet grin fitting his handsome features. He began to shut the door, but just before he could, he opened it once more.

“I–,” he cleared his throat. Your stomach felt airy and light at the possibility of what he might say. You didn’t know what to expect, but him talking to you was just. . . exactly what you needed. “I took a drive and listened to music, by the way.” 

You blinked, brow furrowed with confusion. “. . .What?” 

“When I left tonight. I just drove around and listened to music,” he said, his amber-brown eyes, so earnest. “Cleared my head with music.”

“Why are you telling–?” You sleepily wondered aloud.

“I. . . didn’t go see anyone,” he elaborated. “Just wanted you to know that. Also, I promise I won’t tell anyone–including Maya– until you’re ready.” 

“Okay,” you squeaked, unsure of what else to say.

After observing each other for just a few moments after he’d spoken, he suddenly dipped out with a quick ‘Goodnight.’

The thunderstorm picked up again right after he’d left you, Stevie racing in, all frazzled, with her tail fluffed out at the sounds of the storm. The sleep that threatened to cloud your vision was a most welcome friend as you let yourself become cozy under your soft, high thread count sheets and fluffy, featherlight duvet. Your head was nestled against the pillow, Stevie snuggled against your ankles, purring. And your brain was just wandering off to slumberland when you understood why he’d said what he did about not being with anyone. . . it finally clicked. 

He’d wanted you to know he hadn’t been with Maya like you’d assumed. Like you’d brashly accused him of at Applebee’s.

. . .But why did he care to tell you? 

-🌼🌼🌼-

The next morning, you sat at the counter with a book about pregnancy, taking notes. It was the end of your new morning routine. 

You didn’t have class or work for the day, so you were enjoying some much needed down time. The idea that you’d be able to take countless naps literally made goosebumps rise on your skin. 

“Hey.”

And now you had even more goosebumps erupting at the sound of his raspy voice. 

“Morning,” you replied, highlighting a line in your book about staying ‘physically active’ during pregnancy. 

“Morning. You feeling okay?”

“Mhm. . .” you replied, halfway present and barely looking up from the page and the sticky you were jotting a note onto.

“Taking notes?”

“So many,” you giggled, your eyes finally looking up to find him dressed and ready for the day at the Keurig, preparing a cup of coffee. “All the time, I’m doing research.”

“I believe it,” he replied, clicking his K-cup in the holder. The hot drink was trickling into his mug when he looked at you in question. “Based on your research, can you have caffeine? Could I make you a coffee or something?”

“Um, not the safest in high amounts,” you pondered, flipping to the page where you’d just read about that a few days ago and quoted the book for him. “‘Drinking caffeine during pregnancy has some major health risks. The caffeine gets digested much slower and goes through the placenta into your baby’s bloodstream,’” you droned, feeling obnoxious with the long response. 

“Interesting. Anything else it says about it?”

You raised a brow and gave him an ‘mhm’ before looking at the page again. “‘This means that the caffeine side effects of a racing heart rate, high blood pressure, and a stimulated nervous system affect you and your baby. The result is a higher chance of miscarriage. Even small amounts have been known to cause a 13% increase in low birth weight for your newborn,’” you glanced up, he was rubbing his chin, listening to every word. So, you finished out the paragraph. “‘Try switching to a naturally decaffeinated herbal tea, but do consult your doctor or midwife as certain herbs can cause premature labor.’”

“Have you tried any herbal tea?”

You made a gagging motion. Herbal tea honestly did not strike your fancy at this stage in your life. “The baby says herbal tea sounds disgusting,” you joked. He huffed a laugh with you as you finished your thought. “I’m looking into smoothies to start the day. I’m actually going to try making a few today since I’m home all day.”

“Cool. Just thought I’d offer,” he finished. 

Or so you thought.

After getting his coffee off the Keurig, he made his way around the counter to sit in the barstool next to you. Heat washed over your face at his closeness.

“Speaking of doctor or midwife. . . which are you going with?”

“Doctor,” you answered. “Her name is Dr. Rose. Sweet, middle aged, Southern lady.”

“Oh, you’ve had your first appointment?” He asked, sounding curious and a little apprehensive. 

“Yeah. . . First one last week.”

“Oh,” he replied, sounding just a little discouraged. But he tried to cover it. “Cool. How did it go? Did you have to go alone?”

“Mhm,” you said, suddenly digging into a page and very seriously taking notes on a sticky note about random ass shit you could care less about. “Josh went. It went well.”

He hummed, not responding right away. And you knew why. 

You really did feel guilty now that you’d taken Josh to your first appointment and not Jake. He was the baby’s father, after all. And thinking about how he’d have reacted to seeing the baby with you, both of you, for the first time. . . You were suddenly very downcast as you thought of the missed opportunity. 

“But you can come to the rest of them with me,” you rushed out, suddenly looking up at him as you said so. His eyes were huge as he watched you be neurotic. God, you were annoying. “If–if you want. I don’t want to pressure you.”

“O–of course. Yes,” he stuttered. “You tell me when and I’ll be there. Every single one.”

You realized he sounded eager and thrilled, not frightened like you feared. 

“Okay,” you acknowledged, slightly breathless. 

Once again, you were in the same situation as you had been last night. He was, once more, so close. Right there. Your shared breathing, the only sound comprehensible to your ears in the calm, quiet of the morning. His breath, smelling of coffee, should have turned you off. . . but it didn’t not at all. And the way he went to lick his lips, just once– his eyes, not leaving yours. . . 

Then, he was jolted back to reality, blinking furiously. 

“I’ve, um, gotta go run some errands and then I have a meeting with the label,” he suddenly said, rising up. He grabbed his cup, rushing around, dumping it in the sink before grabbing a cinnamon bagel from the pantry. He bent to get a Zip-loc bag from a lower cabinet, and your eyes moved on their own to his ass in his light denim jeans. 

What. A. Sight. Now you were darting your tongue out to sweep over your lips.

He zipped up the bagel and left it on the counter to hurry to his room. When he reappeared, he was holding his phone, sending a text based on the sound, before he tucked it into his front pocket. He also held a beat up guitar case. 

“Still carrying around that same old case?” You grinned, a brow perked at the sight of the duct tape holding it together. A few stickers here and there, littering the case. “Not a new one to match your new rockstar life?”

“The case adds character,” he winked, your blushing face, the victim. Then, he was on his way to the door, keys jingling out of the bowl on the counter and into his hand. “Let me know if you need anything today.”

You were responding with an agreeing noise and word as he shut the door behind him. But when your eyes scanned the counter again, you saw the bagel. Even though it was just a bagel with cinnamon swirl, it was still his breakfast. He needed to eat. That’s what had you rushing out the door after him, your page getting a quick sticky pressed into it.

And, as soon as you saw the twinkle in his eye at you remembering to grab the bagel for him, you realized that you just wanted that. If you were being completely honest, you’d just needed that one last smile to start your day. The perfect start to a morning, you’d say. 

-🌼🌼🌼-

You decided to order some chicken fajitas from a local restaurant. DoorDash was your new best friend with the pregnancy cravings. 

Chicken fajitas were a new favorite for the baby. A weekish ago when you’d first tried them as a pregnant woman, you’d learned they tasted more delicious than they ever had before. They didn’t make your tummy roll.

As you waited for the food to arrive, you decided to do some tidying around the apartment. You washed a couple of dishes you’d left in the sink from the morning, and picked up notebooks, textbooks, and toys of Stevie’s from around the living room. Then, after further inspection of the living room, you realized it could handle a sweep or two with a vacuum. And after that, you decided to Swiffer the kitchen. Didn’t feel like full-on mopping, but you had to round out the floor cleaning. 

Before you could head to your bedroom or restroom to clean those spaces, a boundary was drawn for you when you heard a knock at the front door. DoorDash. Food. Fajitas.

Suddenly, unashamedly, your mouth was watering. Food took total priority over cleaning and you left the vacuum and Swiffer precisely where they were. You never left them out after cleaning, but you were hungry, okay? 

But just as you’d made it to the door, you didn’t have to open it. Instead, you heard polite conversation from the other side, thank you’s and have a good night’s. 

Before he opened the door, you went ahead and did it for him. And so, when you did, there was Jake, holding your food. The fajitas didn’t matter much anymore. 

Well. . . That was until he walked in and you got a good whiff of the steaming, seasoned vegetables and grilled chicken. Priorities were back to normal real quick with an embarrassing rumble from your stomach. 

-🌼🌼🌼-

Once you’d eaten all of your food in basically one bite, you sat on your sofa with a damn good book you were quickly becoming entranced by. But about twenty minutes into you sitting there, Jake appeared from where he’d disappeared to shower after he’d sat your food on the counter.

“You know, I keep thinking about something,” Jake started, coming to sit on the opposite end of the couch from you.

He was freshly showered— looking and smelling fucking delicious–hints of citrus came from his drying hair. Then, you smelled the warm and slightly sweet scent of sandalwood as he moved, propping his pajama clad legs on the coffee table in front of you two, unsticking his ripped t-shirt from his probably still-wet chest. You tried very hard not to watch him situate himself, too. The way he adjusted the inner seam of his pants, dangerously close to his. . . 

Yeah, you looked away. Focused hard on the book you were trying your damnedest to read. His body was a massive distraction. 

Trying to not be totally inappropriate, you replied to his earlier statement, still training your eyes on the page in front of you. “What were you thinking about?”

“I brought up the therapy thing the other night,” he started. You gave an absentminded ‘mhm’ in response, finally finding slight interest in the characters in front of you again. “And I’ve been wondering. Did you ever give that a second thought? Starting therapy?”

You blinked your eyes a few times, trying to catch up with the more serious topic of conversation. Looking up from your book, you closed it and put it to the side. When you placed the novel on the coffee table, he followed your hand back to you. His eyes found yours and your eyes fluttered again. You shook your head. “Yeah,” you trained your features, letting a smile float to your lips at his attention to you. “I actually–um–I started going.”

His features showed unkempt elation at your words. His eyes, bright and a wide smile on his lips. He sat up, facing you better than before, a foot balanced on the floor as the other bent with his body leaning towards you. “Seriously?!”

“Yeah,” you blushed. Why did he care so much? Surely it was mostly for the wellbeing of the baby. Right? 

You know he cared before he knew about the baby, a calm voice hushed in the corners of your mind. Just let him in. Don’t be afraid.

Clearing your throat, you kept up with your thoughts and tried to open up in spite of your ever-swirling unsureness. “Thank you for doing the research. Really. I’m super grateful. You gave me the push I needed and I’ll never be able to thank you enough. The baby, too,” you added. “I wanted to get better for the baby. You two made quite the team in helping me want to be better.”

His cheeks reddened, complimenting his skin tone and the few freckles and scars that dotted his cheeks. He shook his head, “Don’t thank me. I just wanted to help–that’s it. You made the brave move to start,” his lips twitched with a quiet, close-lipped grin. “How’s it going? Well–no–you don’t have to answer–that’s not my–.”

You ignored him, suddenly feeling this urge to fill him in. “I love my therapist. Like, she is already one of my favorite people on this fucking earth,” you beamed, thinking of Gia’s wonderful aura and personality. “And we actually start EMDR in a couple of weeks.”

“Oh,” he started, surprised. His eyes widened as he leaned back into the arm of the couch nearest him. “You decided on EMDR, too?”

“Yeah,” you nodded, glancing down briefly before letting your eyes dance with his again. “That seemed to be the only logical route since there’s so much shit to dig through that I don’t even–can’t even remember. It seemed like the most intensive form of therapy and I needed that.”

“Are you afraid of what you might find?”

“Yes,” you replied without question. “But, that’s the only way you can properly heal. Sometimes things that feel right–like EMDR, because it just feels like the right path already– those things, they’re going to probably also feel a little uncomfortable and feared at first. But, it all leads to the ultimate destination of being healed. And that’s what matters most.”

There was a quietness, a cozy silence that settled between the two of you. A few moments where you shared breaths and your gazes intertwined. . . It felt heavenly to share space with him like this when things felt normal and all right between the two of you. There wasn’t another word for it. 

His eyes were sincere with his tone when he broke the silence. “Y/n,” he breathed your name, making your tummy flutter with the most illustrious butterflies. “I am so fucking proud of you.”

Suddenly feeling like you were getting too much praise for something you were doing for the baby rather than yourself, you shook your head and brushed him off with a wave of your hand. “Don’t be,” you encouraged with a little scoff, shaking your head. “It’s not a big deal. Really.”

“I will be proud and it is a big deal,” he concluded. “All I’ve wanted is for you to feel closer to being whole–you deserve it.”

“The baby deserves it most,” you argued–didn’t want to be self-centered on the subject. “It’s for the baby.”

“Well,” he cleared his throat, crossing his arms across the chest of his white t-shirt. “I want you to focus on helping yourself, too, y/n. Please,” he asked, tone softening. Your eyes flickered across his. “I brought it up in the first place because I wanted you to feel better.”

You took it as food for thought, nodding at his words. Truly, you did consider what he’d said. . . his opinion mattered a helluva lot to you–probably too much. But you didn’t want to waver from who you were doing it mostly for. Your hand found your tummy as you reached the coffee table for your book and Stanley. 

Taking a big sip from your trusty tumbler, you eyed him once more before opening your book. You didn’t want him to feel obligated to stay in here with you when you were sure he had better things to do. “I will remember that,” you offered with a small grin, flipping your book open to where you dog-eared it. 

You waited for him to get up from his spot on the couch, but. . . he didn’t. He stayed put, situating his body to face the TV. 

In your peripheral vision, you saw how his legs spread across the cushion and once again tried to ignore ignore ignore. But you couldn’t help the thought that there was just something so fucking enticing about Jake Kiszka manspreading. It was gross when every other man did it. But Jake? All it made you want to do was straddle his sturdy hips.

Fuck. Focus on the book. Come on, y/n.

“Also. . .you realize, if you are craving something,” he began, pulling you from your book yet again. “You don’t have to DoorDash it. I’m always willing to go get you the food you are wanting.”

To put it simply, you were surprised by the turn in conversation. It was sort of random, but also not random all at the same time. 

For no reason whatsoever, you decided to combat the sweet offer. “What if you’re with Maya when I’m craving something?”

Why the fuck were you like this? Honestly, it felt mostly like a form of protection from getting your hopes up too high. . . it was a coping mechanism. But you hated it. It was stupid.

He hummed, thinking. Then, he piped up with an answer in no time. “I’ll just try to make sure we hang out here more than her house. Simple.”

Oh, joy.

“You’d rather be here than her massive mansion of a home?” You questioned, trying to not think about seeing her stupidly stunning face more than you wanted to. 

“Well, yeah,” he confusedly responded. “This is my home and I like being here.”

His home. He liked being here. The words pulled at you–in every direction. Broke you and made you wish things were different.

“How does she afford that, by the way?” You unapologetically nosed, not wanting to sit in any downhearted thoughts. It was rude to pry, you knew. But you didn’t really care at the moment.

He chuckled raspily, reaching to the coffee table for the Roku remote. When your eyes immediately looked over your book to peer at his waist, you didn’t think twice about it. It was whatever. “She’s the financial manager for this big corporation on Fifth Avenue.”

Your stomach fell. Jesus. Besides having trash music taste, apparently she was incredibly intelligent, too? What didn’t she have? You couldn’t even figure out what the fuck you wanted to do with your life and she was financially managing a giant ass company?Depressing as hell. Showed you your worth once again, in comparison to her. She was someone and you were literally nobody. 

“Can I watch something?” He asked you, patiently waiting. You gave a half-ass ‘yeah, of course’ in reply, not fully present. 

And when he eventually turned on some documentary about pirates that sort of piqued your interest, too, you decided to close your book for a final time. And you didn't put any more substance to your gloomy self-consciousness. It was your own fault you were feeling this way now–being nosy when you shouldn’t have been. Prying into someone’s life who’d never done anything wrong to you. 

Yeah, she’d slept with Jake. . . but did she even know that you’d also–? Shit. Did she know that the woman her boyfriend lived with used to fuck him, too? How in the hell would she react to the news if she didn’t already know that–? Your stomach twisted into knots at the thought of her finding out about. . . all of it.

The courage sprouted up as a historian started speaking on an infamous female pirate. “Does–does Maya know that we used to. . .?”

His brows dipped, thoughtful, turning down the television to acknowledge you’d spoken. But, he kept watching the documentary, his eyes honed in on the black-boxed subtitles. “No, actually. No she doesn’t. Didn’t really feel the need to tell her.”

Of course he didn’t feel the need. It kind of really hurt, but it wasn’t on Jake. Not at all. You knew very well that the sex probably wasn't as important to him as he’d once expressed. You’d been so angry and hateful to him, enough to drive away any sort of deep, lingering feelings that might have lied there. 

He knew that it wasn’t special enough that she needed to know. It was something of the past. All that mattered now was her. Only now. . . There was one inevitable reason it would have to come to light. You didn’t give voice to the obvious. The fact that, now, he would have to tell her. And you both knew it. 

As he turned the volume up a couple notches, you couldn’t help but wonder how the fuck would she react. 

-🌼🌼🌼-

November 21, 2022

You couldn’t have made it to your car any faster if you tried. Looking at your parking decision in hindsight, you realized you should have parked closer to the campus advisory office. But you hadn’t. You’d left your car parked where it had been for class. So now you had to walk a much longer distance that you could have avoided. . . If you’d just thought ahead.  

And in depressing moments like these, you wished you would have. The tears that flew down your cheeks in steady tracks made you beyond grateful that you hadn’t worn mascara. You’d had to meet with your advisor today to touch base and talk career plans. . . It was something that Pratt had decided to add to all program studies, for senior students. The idea of the meeting was to help students feel supported. 

But you didn’t feel fucking supported. Not at all. The way your advisor had blatantly judged you for even daring to bring up the idea of being a lyricist. . . She had instantly struck your idea down with a curt shake of her head and furrowed brows. Her eyes had lit up with laughter. But thankfully, she hadn’t been so terrible as to actually laugh in your face. 

Her words hadn’t been much better than that alternative, though. She’d unabashedly, condescendingly criticized your idea of becoming a lyricist. She made you feel stupid for ever even thinking of it as a possibility. 

“I’m not saying it’s impossible, but there’s a very slim chance that a label will take a fresh graduate. That’s a career you have to prove yourself in. Takes a long time to do that, a lot of experience that you don’t have.” 

The snarky tone in her voice pissed you off. Her words stuck with you enough that they dared to crush every dream you had about your future, which is something an advisor should not do. They should encourage, not discourage, to the point of making their advisee’s feel like utter shit after an appointment. 

So, as you finally made it to your car, you tried to contain the sobs that threatened to escape. . . but to no avail. Because, over and over again, you thought of how your advisor–someone who should be helping you to pursue your dreams–basically told you that you weren’t good enough for the one thing you wanted to do. She’d told you as much in her “officially official doctorate-level” advisor lingo. If her goal had been to completely crush you, she’d done just that. 

You were glad your next stop was therapy because you desperately needed to hear Gia’s two cents.

-🌼🌼🌼-

November 21, 2022

You spent roughly 30 minutes filling Gia in on the past week of your life. She heard all about you telling Jake, talking to your campus advisor, and any other thing that came to mind to tell her. 

When you started the session, Gia had let you know that you only had the first thirty minutes because you needed to find your mental and emotional safe place by the end of the session. It was today’s goal to establish that place. Finding your footing in the safe place was a vital precursor before you began EMDR. She’d had great advice for your life update, once you’d effectively word-vomited all over her. 

To your utter relief, the career thing didn’t bother her at all. Her expression barely changed as she’d shrugged. The first thing she’d done was assure you that everything would be fine and it would work out and that you have time to figure it out, despite what societal norms would tell you. So, even though that had been the biggest, most terrifying thing on your mind when you’d shown up to counseling today, you decided to not worry about it since Gia didn’t seem disturbed by the news at all. 

“Anything is possible,” she’d reassured you once your tears had momentarily stopped after telling her everything your advisor had said. “Don’t let a few words–opinions– from one woman make you disbelieving of that fact.”

Her opinions on Jake were positive, too, which made your heart swell in your chest. Though, it simultaneously broke for the fact that you couldn’t kiss him and hug him and be with him to tell him what she thought of him. Would he think it was weird if you told him what she thought of him? Would it freak him out that you’ve talked about him enough to Gia that she has a solid preconceived opinion of him?

“And Jake. . .,” she’d remarked at the end of the thirty minute mark, rolling back in her chair to her desk to get a big swig of her herbal tea. Your baby thought it was gross, your stomach rolling, but good for her and her nasty tea. “He is an outstanding example of a man. I’m impressed with his actions, his words. . . all of it. He seems like a stand up guy, and I hope I get to meet him one of these days,” her grin was sly, but you didn’t know why. 

So, yes, while your heart beat erratically and longingly at her words about him, it simultaneously broke your heart for the fact that you couldn’t kiss him and hug him and be with him to tell him what she thought of him. Would he think it was weird if you told him what she thought of him? Would it freak him out that you’ve talked about him enough to Gia that she has a solid preconceived opinion of him?

It made you think, as you watched her type notes on her laptop . . . Would you have told him if you were still seeing each other? Surely so. . . But maybe not. . . you weren’t really the best at complimenting him. And you sort of (desperately) hated that.

Don’t fucking think about it, y/n, a thoughtful, protective voice said to you. Just think about you right now. 

So, you did the best you could to shove any thought of being a bitch to him from your mind. And instead focused on Gia’s comfortable couch. Soft camel-colored leather. The way the cushion sank under you felt like sitting on a dense cloud. She was making light conversation before getting to the nitty gritty. You focused on her the best you could. 

Today would be your first venture into the realm of EMDR. . . . And you were anxious to begin this long-awaited journey of replenishing your soul with the incredible gift of reprocessing. 

“The safe place we are finding today will be where you go when things become too much during our EMDR sessions.” Gia wheeled closer to you in her light pink office chair, the smell of eucalyptus and mint following her, as she must use it as a sort of body oil or spray. She carried the calming smell with her everywhere. And the office, so wonderfully consoling with the scent of lavender. The little machine that spurted the essential oil every 10 minutes. All of these things combined, keeping the room drenched in calm. 

“There are places your mind is going to take you, some darker than others. These are scenes from your life that you will need to experience again in order for us to process through them so you can heal through them. Considering, you know, EMDR is simply a reprocessing technique,” she explained, adjusting her wire lens frames on her nose. “In order to not feel trapped, claustrophobic, or overwhelmed in these memories, you will need to have a safe place to turn to–a place to run to–a scene to easily unlock. It might be unknown to you until you actually plant your feet in that scene, but this place is already the natural wave your brain takes to feel safe.” She added one more thing to this train of thought. “This will just be the first time your brain is able to fully experience it. . . because you’re actually giving yourself the permission to do so.”

She held her hands out, palms up, and you took the hint and placed your hands in hers. As you would have guessed, her hands were soft as silk, matching the rest of her fairy-like aura. She squeezed once, lightly before continuing, “Now, I will be there the whole time, watching you, to monitor if you are doing alright. Sometimes you can sense it and get out, and other times it’s a little bit trickier. I will watch your eyes and the way your muscles tense, to gauge how I believe you’re feeling. Your body language will speak the words you may not be able to. This is an incredibly intricate form of therapy that we will wade through together. You will never be alone.”

She grinned, and you did the same. The way she explained these things to you was so assuaging. Were you scared? Hell yes. Of course you were scared. You were about to experience events that had become so dark and secreted in your mind, that they’d left you deep, lasting trauma. . . for a second time.

The re-experiencing aspect was daunting. But. . . you weren’t intimidated. You felt strong to withstand what was to come from your mind. There was the sense that you could overcome the darkness that was buried–some forgotten, some not–in your mind. . . especially if Gia was there to help you through it.

She let go of your hands after giving one more reassuring press. Then she was wheeling back to her desk.

“How are you feeling? Are you comfortable?” Gia asked, grabbing a round, average size cloth, zipped bag off of her desk and placing it in her lap. 

“I’m honestly feeling very much at ease right now. And, yes,” you replied honestly. You pressed your hands into the cool leather of the couch you were sitting on, your hands sinking into the ideally aged material. “I love your couch.”

“That’s good,” she smiled, full lips stretching over her white teeth. “Now, I want you to do a few calming exercises with me. We will start with deep breaths, then we will practice a few eye movement exercises. You just let me know when you’re ready.”

Not wanting to wait any longer, you responded readily. “I would love to begin whenever.”

“You’re sure?” 

“Yes,” you replied, brows fixed and eyes serious. “The sooner I can heal from this, myself, the sooner I’ll be healed for my baby. I’m ready.”

She raised a perfectly trimmed, coffee-colored brow. “You’re incredible, y/n.”

You rolled your eyes, but thanked her nonetheless. You weren’t incredible. Your baby was, and he or she was why you were doing this. The baby was your push, without even being born yet–the baby was the powerful one. 

Gia had you complete a variation of calming breathing exercises to center yourself. And after those, you completed eye movement exercises for the first time in your entire life. It was . . . odd, yet equally nice.

“Your body is loosening. You’re letting yourself transcend–easing your mind,” she said, voice airy and light. Your form felt just as light as her tone. “Now, open your eyes. We’ll do a shortened version of those techniques right before we begin. 

Your eyes slowly opened back to reality to see her unzipping the round black case she’d been holding in her lap. When she opened it, the contents of it were brand new to you. You’d never really seen a thing like the devices she was moving to hold in her hands. She pulled out two little black devices that were attached to a chord plugged into a slightly larger black box. This one, though, had knobs and buttons decorating the front of it. Your curiosity was growing by the second.

She wheeled her chair over to you once more, holding the black gadgets in each hand.

“These are tactical paddles,” she said, motioning for you to take them. When you did, she turned a knob on the black box she was still holding, sending a full vibration to the ones in your hands. “They’re buzzers that will help activate both sides of your brain during the session.”

They were buzzing one by one as you held them in the middle of your palms. You couldn’t tell if it was just your imagination, but you swore you felt each side of your brain moving right along with them. She scooted back a bit, giving you space to experience the feeling. She adjusted the knob just slightly once she’d moved away and you felt their vibrations speed up a little. 

“Do they feel okay?” She asked, situating the frames of her glasses higher on the bridge of her nose. “How are you feeling?”

“It’s strange,” you said without thinking. “It’s very comfortable to hold them. . . but that is part of why it’s strange.”

Gia loosely giggled at that and reassured you that that reaction was more than typical and that she always considered that particular combination of feelings a good place to begin.  

After completing the body relaxation practices once more, you were being guided by Gia. “Relax your body. Lean back. Lay back. Whatever feels best for you.” With the last word, she adjusted the paddles down to a more neutral setting. Your hands felt tingly in a weird, yet contented way.

“Bring to mind the intention that you are practicing feeling safe when you actually are safe,” she softly said, soothing. “One of the best ways to evoke this feeling of safety is to imagine being in a place that you might really enjoy being–wherever you may feel naturally safe, peaceful, and/or calm.” She paused briefly, the paddles changed speed as your head started to become light. “It can be a real place or a place that you’ve come to imagine in your mind on instinct. This is the place you travel at the idea of feeling serene.”

You breathed an ‘okay’ in response, but focused more on the way the instruments in your hands were aiding in sending you somewhere. You felt the atmosphere of your mind slowly changing–equally present and not.

The word Gia had earlier used. . .’transcend.’ It was the perfect word because you currently were completely, wholly transcendent.

“I’m right here,” Gia quietly, gently reminded you, as the blackness behind your eyes took hold, becoming the only thing your five senses could grasp, aside from the sound of Gia’s gentle guidance. “You are doing great.”

You felt the instantaneous feeling of a light breeze brush your face. It pushed you back, but you also felt the feeling of your body keeping still. There were two places. Reality: Gia’s office. And somewhere completely unknown. . . You were somewhere new. 

This wasn’t a place you’d ever been before. The barely-there sounds of birds chirping in trees within a forest that guarded you, on all sides, reverberated off the walls of your mind. The sounds, the breeze– they helped you find your footing. And suddenly, your feet were bare against the partially warm, partially cool feeling of damp dirt. Rain had recently come to this place. You could smell the rain. But every crevice of your mind knew it wasn’t raining anymore. No, you knew that the moment you opened your eyes, you’d find a light, clear blue sky, maybe a couple wisps of clouds painting against the beautifully blank canvas of azure. But you weren’t opening your eyes yet. You focused on everything else taking shape around you. 

The paddles continued to transfer varying speeds between your palms, but it was the last thing on your mind. They were the guide that you knew to follow, but didn’t have to concentrate on. 

Your nose tuned in to the smell of flowers around you. . . All kinds, but there was a particular plant infiltrating your mind the most. . . Though, you knew you wouldn’t be able to place it until you opened your eyes. It was strange because you knew the smell, but your lack of sight was keeping the name of the flower hidden. 

Other things were hidden with your eyes still closed, but you kind of enjoyed the blank space. 

This season. . . the most wonderful tiny person was bound to grace the world in this season. Spring. It was springtime. You knew that much. Once your mind realized the season you were placed in, your eyes opened a little more to the scene around you. 

Lavender. An entire field of the wonderfully fragrant plant, surrounding you with its calming notes. And it was beautiful. Never in your whole life had you been in such a beautiful space, yet your mind had no problem creating it for you. 

“Tell me what you see, but keep your eyes closed for me,” you heard Gia’s voice, although it sounded a hundred miles away. It was hushed, distant, like you were hearing her through a tunnel–only an echo in your mind. It was strange. Your physical form was still seated on the comfy couch, but you were standing amongst the most lovely sea of lavender. 

“I’m. . .I’m not really sure where I am,” you whispered, feeling like raising your voice would disturb the serenity of this place you’d stumbled upon. “I’ve never been here before. It’s–it’s incredible.”

Much like Gia’s, your own voice felt muted in your head. But, unlike her, you were standing in the middle of a narrow tunnel, whereas she was at the end. You were traveling somewhere. Obviously.

“That’s okay,” she tells you. You suddenly felt the paddles quicken ever so gently in their pace, but they felt good. Comforting. Real. “Just tell me everything you’re seeing right now.”

“Lavender. . .A field of lavender. A forest surrounding me. Blue sky. . .,” You couldn’t feel much of saying the word lavender. “So much of it. I could just lay in it, let it surround me.” 

“So you’re outside– good. What else do you see? Is there any wildlife?” The echo of her voice became even more distant as you began walking around, searching for whatever else was there with you. 

Deer. A whole family across the field, taking nourishment from the flowers and emerald green grass. They weren’t like normal deer, though. They didn’t run from you as you approached them. They weren’t scared, they just existed peacefully within this place. Then, you heard the birds begin chirping again, as if on queue. 

“Birds are singing. . . There are deer,” you felt yourself telling her, still in amazement with your next words. “They’re really beautiful. And they’re not afraid of me. . .? I can almost touch them.” 

This was entirely unreal, yet all too real all at once. Never in your wildest dreams did you ever believe your mind was capable of this. Yet, there you were, witnessing the most alluring scene that you were sure didn’t physically exist anywhere on earth. Only in your mind. Safely in your mind. No one could destroy it, no one could infiltrate it. It was all yours.

“That sounds wonderful, y/n. Let's focus on a few other senses. Tell me what you smell,” Gia’s sweet voice sounded as if it was coming from the sky, from the wind. It was all around you, yet so far away. 

You felt your present body take a deep breath through your nose, trying to get the best whiff you could of everything surrounding your psyche. 

“I smell the lavender. It’s overwhelming, but in the best way. God it. . .It smells so good. So. . . Fresh. It’s newly bloomed. And I can smell rain. It’s not raining now but it was.”

“Good,” Gia softy said. “What can you touch? Tell me what it feels like.” 

You reached down to run your fingers over a spray of the dark violet flowers, their scent became even more powerful as you lightly ruffled them. 

“I’m touching the lavender,” you told her. “The buds are so soft, so light to touch. They feel delicate, but I know they won’t break. They’re sturdy. But they aren’t stiff.” 

Aside from the way they felt against your hands, they also emitted a feeling of pure peace. Of tranquility. A good, clean energy unlike anything you’d ever felt. 

“I can almost feel them too, y/n.” You heard her giggle quietly across the field. “What are you  doing? Are you standing, sitting?”

You then felt the urge to lie down. So, you did. Your body felt weightless in your mind as you let yourself fall backward, landing softly amidst the blooms. It felt like the most comfortable bed you’d ever laid in. But before you answered her, you felt your hands within your mind reach down to your tummy. You had to know if your sweet baby was there with you. 

And as you laid your palm gently over your tiny bump, you felt it. Your baby was with you, safely tucked away in the most calm place you’d ever known. It only made sense that your physical form of comfort found its way to your mental one, too. Feeling your bump here made you feel. . .complete. Although, there was still something missing. You didn’t know what, but you felt it. But at that moment, your baby was all you needed. 

Or so you thought. 

Because when you let yourself sit up from where you’d laid in the magnificent, flourishing field of flowers, you finally felt complete because the last person you needed had arrived. 

He was standing across from you, on the opposite side of the field. His long, wavy chestnut locks, flowing just the slightest bit in the breeze of the dreamy spring day. He wore a blue suit. A dark blue, three-piece suit with a dark blue shirt underneath it all to match. 

He was so handsome. Beyond stunning. The most immaculately created person. . .

He didn’t stay there for long before he was making his way toward you, striding as he naturally did. His walk, so smooth and sexy–always. 

As he came closer, you were learning that, in this realm, time moved just a tad bit different than normal. He seemed to make it over to you in less than a minute, even from the other end of the expansive field of light purple. 

Then, he was right beside you, lying down next to where you still sat next to him. He’d placed his left arm behind his head, to balance and lift himself a little. And, his left arm, spread out, ready for you to lay beside him. Lay with him. 

He didn’t say anything, but you knew that was what he wanted. You’d laid this way with him a million times before.

So, you moved to lay with him in a way that felt like coming home. You laid back, so comfortably relaxing your tired muscles as you placed a hand on his chest, and one side of your face against it. Curling your body into his, you laid one leg over his, your body facing toward him. Your bump was pressed snugly and safely against the side of his abdomen. Safe. 

Everything was safe here. Truly was the safest place your mind could conjure. You felt his steady breaths against the top of your head as you looked out past him, to the side of the field. Where the birds still chirped in the trees and the deer still meandered. 

“I’ve got you,” he whispered, his voice equal with the breeze–quiet, calm. His breaths hit your head with each word, he was so near. . . but his words also echoed amongst the trees, all around you. 

Then, it was Gia’s voice you heard whisper through the trees. 

“You’ve found it, haven’t you? Your safe place,” she questioned knowingly, her tone lilted with excitement for you. 

Had you? 

Before you could consider it any longer, his hand came up to rest against your head, brushing so delicately through your loose strands of hair. Your body hummed, feeling one with the wind as he held you. Protected you. Stayed with you. Your body was telling you your answer in your curated fantasy, communicating it to your concrete form as you uttered it aloud.

“Yes,” you sighed, your body on the couch and still in Jake’s arms. You were vividly existing in your imagination and in reality all at once. This feeling would take some getting used to. While you were in shock, you were also not shocked at all. “Y-yes, I’ve found it.”

Jake . . . was he–? 

The lavender was glorious and the field you laid in, the soft ground, was better than any bed you’d ever graced. . . The deer were exquisite and lovely. The song of the birds, sounding like mystical, heavenly hymns. . . The sound of the trees brushing together in the warm breeze of the cool spring day, making their own music, and better than any white noise you’d ever experienced.

But Jake. . . None of those things even came close to the way you felt in his arms. The way you felt light as air and at ease the moment he’d graced your presence. You’d felt your peace and the baby’s when he’d graced the scene. Still did, as you melted into him, his breaths, his heartbeat, helping you feel free and firmly planted, one with all living things–all at once. There was no question that it was him. 

Jake was your safe place.

-🌼🌼🌼-

“Now, I want you to make sure you’re finding quiet time to locate your safe place,” Gia advised, getting up from her rolling chair as soon as you’d risen from the couch. “It’s essential to practice before the sessions. You want it to be an easy place to locate during the really hard resurgence of memories,” she coached you, pushing her chair to her desk. 

“Got it,” you agreed, head still swimming a little as you steadily came back to reality. The prospect of traveling to that place in your spare time was a little intimidating. . . But also very exciting. 

Seeing Jake so vividly in such a serene atmosphere on a regular basis sounded like paradise. You could definitely find time to practice that. 

“If you’re not opposed, I would maybe find someone to drive you to your sessions,” Gia suggested, going to clean the paddles with a spray and microfiber towel. You tuned back in, alertness settling in. “These sessions,” she made eye contact with you after bending over to grab her tube of Clorox wipes. “They are bound to be–no, they will be incredibly intense,” she used a towel she’d retrieved from the container to wipe it down. “Just someone you can trust to be there for you afterwards. . . so you’re not alone when you’re coming down from these memories that will present themselves again.”

Still smelling hints of lavender and feeling the warmth of a chest beneath you in some other heavenly reality, you knew who you’d pick. Was it a crazy idea? What did Gia think? Would she tell you her opinion or would you be forced to figure this out on your own? You didn’t want to seem crazy . . . . or weird.

You had just found your voice to respond when she started speaking again.

“Who do you think would be the best–?”

“I actually have an idea of who–.”

The way your chest bubbled with laughter alongside her was wonderful. It felt like the most genuine giggle you’d ever exuded. You truly felt like you were in a sphere of incomparable serenity. The way your body felt. . . you felt complete. You felt self-assured. Still smiling, you raised a brow and motioned one hand to emphasize that she should continue with her train of thought. Your other hand safely held your belly, right where your baby was resting in its safe cocoon. 

“You might not like it,” she grinned. 

Instantly, you knew who she was talking about. 

Gia sighed, settling the paddles securely back in their zipped black bag. Her eyes found yours, testing the waters. Then she offered her opinion in a firm tone, “Jake would be ideal. He would be my option,” she winked, encouraging.

Your chest exhaled in relief. You weren’t crazy. 

-🌼🌼🌼-

Gia had sensed your unsureness as she walked you to the front desk. She was taller than you with a sort of swagger in her trendy set of corduroy overalls. 

Nerves were wracking you, sweat already pricking in your armpits. You’d voiced your concerns to her in her office to which she’d told you to follow her.So, you had.

And when you made it to the front ‘desk’ (a tall counter with a window in front of it), you linked your hands under your belly with a sigh. Gia stopped at the counter and leaned on the heavy, light gray granite–opposite of where you stood on your way to the door. She leveled you with a stare, her fingers tapping against the expensive granite. 

“I’m just going to tell you this,” she sighed, a tiny little grin on her full lips. “Be confident. Have confidence. You can do it. Just try it out. Seriously. All you have to do is give it a try. I see it in you, y/n,” she firmly stated. Then, she got even more serious with a furrow in her dark brown brow. “Let. Him. Care, y/n. Don’t you dare work to control him just because you feel like you don’t deserve it.”

-🌼🌼🌼-

So, when you got home, you somehow found it in you to take Gia’s advice . . . and you immediately went to talk to Jake. The more you contemplated it on the drive home, you realized you weren’t really too nervous to ask him anymore. . .

The nerves had dissipated little by little as you’d rehashed your time in your safe place. How seamless things had been there. . . it felt like before. Like normal. . . and even though it wasn’t your normal anymore, you were clinging to it. It was giving you courage. And the fact that Jake was literally your safe place was giving you courage. 

Yeah, he made you nervous because he was Jake, but he also eased you so effortlessly because he was Jake. He was safe. 

He wasn’t perfect, no. But, he was someone who was permanently, preciously ingrained in your heart. Today had officially proved that. And you were carrying the sweetest little piece of him. . . that helped the nerves for sure. There was a piece of him that was always with you. And now that he knew about said precious baby, things genuinely seemed to be normal between the two of you again. . . as normal as could be at the current time.

It had you knocking on his bedroom door. 

It dawned on you as you delivered the knock that you hadn’t even thought of checking his parking space to see if he was home.  You’d been too anxious to see him and ask him what you had been encouraged to ask. . . .Before you lost the magic courage. Because, yes, let’s be real, he still made you nervous as hell. He was Jake.

It was all confusing and weird. As you stood there, waiting for longer than you’d planned, you realized he might not even be home. You could be standing here waiting for nothing. Or worse, Maya was in there with him or some shit and you were going to open the door to–.

Jake.

The door had opened to show a very sleepy, very effortlessly handsome Jake. His hair was all tousled like he’d been in a deep slumber. And when you looked past him, his bed was a mess from a nap. . .but no curvy, beautiful woman occupied it. 

The only thing you saw laying in the bed was a book, right next to the fluffed pillow where his head had been resting. It was open, laying face down with several sticky notes peeking out of the pages. And all that you could make out was a picture of a pregnant woman on the cover and the word ‘Expecting’ on the cover before your attention was brought back to him talking.

“Y/n?. . . You okay?” He was talking, voice patient and calm, but sounding as though he’d said the words a time or two before you’d come back to. 

You were quick to cover your ass to hide that you had been spying in his room. 

“Sorry,” you shook your head, looking down and clasping your hands under your tummy subconsciously. His eyes followed your hands, a little smile forming on his lips. You continued, “I just wanted to ask you something.”

His eyes opened, as if waiting for what you wanted to ask. He crossed his arms and leaned against the doorframe. “What’s that?”

You cleared your throat, suddenly a little nervous, but suddenly worked to picture him in the field of lavender. And then you were okay again. He was Jake. He was safe. “I–,” you glanced down, then back up to his kind, tired eyes. Just say it, y/n. “Would you mind going to a few of my therapy appointments with me?”

“Yes,” he replied, without any hesitation whatsoever. “Of course. Special ones or. . .?”

“All of them,” you blurted, needing to clear it up. Honesty. Just be honest. Don’t fear his reaction. He’s Jake. 

Eyebrows wrinkled, his lip quirked. “All of them. . .? Like, all of the special ones or–?”

“All of the appointments. Any of the appointments I have that you can make it to. I just need someone safe to go with me,” you rushed out. 

He blinked a few times, a gentle shake of his head before his eyes got sincere and a smile spread over his pretty lips. “And you chose me?”

“Yes,” you simply answered, not trusting yourself to say anything more. There was a definite part of you still reeling from today’s session and seeing him when you imagined somewhere safe. 

Standing there for a few seconds, you could tell he had a million questions floating through his mind. And, knowing him, you knew he was probably wondering why you hadn’t chosen Josh. And, to be totally truthful, you hadn’t once thought of Josh at the prospect of someone safe being there with you to see you through after the sessions. 

Jake seemed to be the only valid option. The only person you wanted to go with you. Even if Elsie were still living here, totally accessible and available, you knew Jake still would’ve been your first choice. The therapy had been his idea. He had asked you how it was going. He was someone you trusted to talk to, and he was someone invested in this with you. And he was him.

“I’d love that,” he responded softly. “When are the appointments?”

He’d love it? Your heart was thumping in your chest at the words. Absently, you thought of your poor heart monitor, and how it was going to be picking up some crazy data due to this man. 

“Every Monday,” you quietly responded. Then, you thought, before getting your hopes up, you’d better tell him what he was really in for. . . because he might end up eating his words once he found out his job in it all. “You’ll just have to wait for me. You could run an errand or two or whatever while I’m in my hour-long sessions. . . and sometimes they might go over.” He nodded, seeming fine with that. You were shocked. Didn’t know why you were shocked because he was naturally so thoughtful. You knew this. “And then, you’ll have to be there afterwards. And I might be emotional. This form of therapy is intense,” you explained. Then, you thought . . . “Well, you probably already know that because you. . .”

“Found it,” he finished, eyes twinkling. “I’d still love to go. You’re not going to scare me away from it. I know you’re afraid of that.”

Why the fuck did he even care to read you like a damned book? Surely your thought processes didn’t matter that much to him. But, you remembered his voice, reassuring you after Applebee’s. Cleaning up some toxic thoughts you’d let form.

“. . .I didn’t stop caring about you . . .” 

“. . .Just because I’m not talking to you or falling asleep next to you . . . It doesn’t mean I don’t still want what’s best for you. Hence why I’m the one who initiated the therapy conversation. I kept my end of the deal and researched for you because I care.”

Then, it was Gia’s voice. What she’d told you that day. . .just before you’d left.

“Let him care, y/n. Don’t work to control him just because you feel like you don’t deserve it.”

Let him care. 

You decided to just continue on with the only reasonable response, eyes, filling with tears, trained on your fidgeting feet. “Thank you,” the words came out as a whisper. But you shook your head. Confidence. Looking up, you tried again, smiling with your eyes. “Thank you.”

His eyes held yours for a moment. He just let his eyes sink into yours. . .like he’d done so many times before. Just as he had in times past, he was letting himself read you. You could tell. 

Not able to help it, your cheeks filled with heat at his stare. Your heart picked up speed. You had to speak again. Break the quietness. The calmness in his observant, knowing irises was too much.  

“Will Maya be okay with it?” 

Why you chose to break the ice with her, you didn’t know. Probably to get his mind off of you and back on her. Where you knew he wanted it to be. He might have still cared for you, but she was the woman he loved. To him, you were sure that she mattered in this just as much as you did.

He shut his eyes once briefly, and with a shake of his head, he was back. His eyebrows dipped, pursed his lips with a curt nod. “Oh, yeah. I’m sure,” he assured. He tightened his fingers against his biceps. You couldn’t help but watch his strong hand flex. “I’ll–um, I’ll just tell her when the appointments are so she knows I’m not available on those days.”

Shit. You didn’t want to take him away from her. You hadn’t even thought of that. That would definitely be selfish. And not available on those days? Like, not available at all? Was he planning on spending entire Mondays with you?

Hurriedly, you offered a response to make sure to clear the air. “Oh my god. I didn’t even think of you having to–,” you groaned. “I’m sorry. Please, don’t go with me if it’s going to interrupt your plans with her.”

His brows wrinkled. “I never said that.”

“It was implied,” you defended your thought process. 

“No, it wasn’t.”

You were suddenly irritated that he wasn’t understanding why you felt bad. “I just don’t want to be selfish, Jake. That’s all I’m saying. God.”

He rolled his eyes, hands getting stuffed in the pockets of the sweatpants he was wearing. You just realized how low they hung on his hips. You could see the very bottom of his stomach with the way he’d cut his t-shirt, just above the hip bones. You flicked your eyes back to his face when he spoke again. And, again, your face was hot. 

“I was literally saying I want to be there for you and I need to tell her that’s what I’m doing on those days,” he explained, tone sharp and patient all at once. He was putting his foot down.

You conceded. But. . . it made you think of something. Maybe it was the tan stomach of his skin and how badly you wanted to run your fingers across it. Or perhaps it was the fact that the woman in question might not be privy to one important detail. 

So, you asked. “Does she know I’m pregnant with your baby yet?”

His baby. 

You ignored the thought, instead training your mind on the serious matter at hand: would she be okay with it if she knew you were pregnant with his baby?

“No,” he curtly replied. Then, his tone was entirely calm when he stated, “She won’t know until you give me the okay to tell her. I told you that already.”

Flushing, you found his eyes. You tried your best to match the sincerity in his irises with your own. “Thank you for being considerate of that.”

“Of course,” his lips twitched to a small grin, then fell back to a purse. He chewed the inside of his cheek.

Fuck. You needed to wrap this up. You were wasting his time. But–you had to know. . . 

You cleared your throat, replacing your hands from below your tummy to cross under your boobs. The way his eyes flickered down with the action couldn’t be ignored and it gave you the push to ask. “. . .what does she know about us?”

“She knows you’re my friend and that we’re close because we live together,” he offered.

For some reason, the fact that he’d called you his friend made your heart leap into the bottom of your throat. It made you sort of sad, yet happy at the same time. Sad that you couldn’t be more, but glad that he was willing to call you such a wonderful thing. Did he seriously trust you to be his friend?

“We’re friends?” You shyly pondered. 

Aaand hormones were officially in control of your dialogue. It was time to wrap it up. Quick. You eyed the ground, embarrassed at your lack of control over questions.

But, his response was measured, so sweetly assuring you with his next words. His voice was soft and raspy, “I never wanted to not be your friend.” Then, suddenly, he was touching you. His hand was placed on your cheek, lifting your face gently to look into his eyes. There was no saving the response on the heart monitor data. And the swarm of buzzing butterflies in your tummy. You lost yourself in his gaze. “No matter what happens, you are my friend. I always want to be your friend, honey.” 

Honey. 

Your pulse increased tenfold and you couldn’t help the flutter of your lashes, your eyes watery yet again. 

His hand was still on your cheek, and a warm blush had settled in them when you mumbled, ashamed. “I hate you ditching your girlfriend for me. I don’t want to be selfish.”

A finger smoothed gently on your cheek, just beneath your lashes. “You’re not being selfish. And I’m not ditching her,” he removed his hand, and your heart sputtered a few times, trying to balance all of the emotions transpiring within you. He reached behind him, grabbing the handle of the door and shutting it behind him. When he moved forward with the motion, you stepped back. Didn’t want to risk getting too close. His eyes found yours as he consoled you. “Please quit thinking of it like that. I promised to be there–to help you–you a long time ago, and I intend to keep that promise. Let me.”

You were back in the hallway at your grandparents’ home. He was coming to sit next to you, against their beige, textured walls. The house, smelling like the pie that was baking. Familiar and safe. But the home had been the last thing making you feel safe in that moment. It was the man sitting next to you, telling you to let him help you.

“I want to help you. Let me.”

The same night he’d made the promise to find a therapist for you. Then, you were in his bed that night. . .Your cheek, on his damp chest.

 Tears were falling on his chest, your chest was tight as they kept coming, his skin prickling in their wake. “I–I’m sor–sorry.”

“Why, baby?” His voice settled your nerves. Warm. Soft. Him. 

“I hate that you have to see me cry,” you sniffled, wiping at the tears on his chest. But instead of letting you continue, he’d held your hand there, so you could feel the stable beat of his heart. 

“If crying is what it takes to heal, I’m here to listen to you as you wade through it.”

And, then, again. . . those same words filtered through your memory through a warm haze. 

Laying on top of him, in his bed, as you’d stared deeply into the darkness of his eyes, he’d earnestly spoken to you. “I want to help you. Let me.”

“Okay,” you sighed in the present time, your eyes not containing the pools accumulating in them, a singular tear falling down your cheek. 

Thankfully, it happened when he had decided to go back into his room to get something. And as soon as you’d brushed it away, he was back in front of you and had his phone in his hand. It was open, his fingers above the keyboard to show he was about to start typing. 

“What do you want me to tell her you need me for?” He looked up at you, hands steady around the phone as his eyes waited for you. His eyes, open and willing to help. Willing to understand. “I don’t have to tell her that it’s for therapy.”

“You can tell her it’s for therapy,” you responded. His brow raised, as if to ask ‘you sure?’, to which you responded, “I’m sure,” you grinned. Then, you continued on with what would be a valid excuse to give her for why you wanted him to go. “Just tell her you have to drive me to the appointments I have on those days because it’s a long drive that I don’t want to take by myself.”

His lips lifted easily, eyes tired, still, but wholly there with you to help. “Okay.”

As he typed, you stood there–so grateful for him. God, he was amazing. You could not believe there was ever a time you’d thought any different. Jake Kiszka. . . he was the man of fucking dreams. You knew he was. And you’d. . . let him go.

But, as you still believed, it was for good reason that you’d cut things off.

It kept lines drawn and clear and simple. Kept him focused on the dream. It just helped. Right?

Once he’d shoved the phone in his pocket and you’d heard the sending noise and the click of the phone going off, you decided to go ahead and let him be. You began walking to your room, and he started walking in the direction of the front of the apartment. Just as you’d opened your door, suddenly very sleepy and sore from your body growing a human, you spoke again. “Thank you, Jake.”

He turned as soon as you’d spoken, his gaze calm and falling on yours gently. His eyes felt like the breeze on a warm, spring day. The same sort of day you’d imagined in your safe place. 

“Don’t thank me,” he started. His phone chimed in his pocket, but he didn’t even reach for it. Instead, he crossed to you once more, your chest heating at him coming close again. And, once more, his hand reached up to delicately hold your face. The callouses that grazed your cheek brought so much comfort. They were familiar and felt like peace. “This is something I want to do. You don’t have to thank me.” 

Your mouth opened to dispute and as soon as you did, he saw it. 

At this, his lips lifted and he held your cheek fully in his palm, eyes boring into yours as he spoke. “Don’t argue with me. I mean every word. And you know it.”

-🌼🌼🌼-

Life was finally feeling peaceful again with Jake back in it, and in the know about the baby. Having him as a friend in your life was filling your cup – just the mere knowledge of him being there made you rest easier. Every morning was the same. A comfortable, reassuring sort of same. 

You’d wake up, and lay in your bed for a few minutes, rubbing your belly. Checking the Ovia app to read something new about the baby to start the day, you’d also check the size of the baby on that given week for the 100th time on that given week. After clicking your phone off, you would lay there and ponder your day and everything that you had to do. 

And once your feet touched the ground, you were walking to grab underwear, a maternity bra (because, yes, you’d purchased one with the speed your boobs had grown). Then came the outfit you’d set out the night before. (Even though sometimes, there would be a last minute change in wardrobe due to day-to-day changes in your body – the insecurities were slowly becoming very real, the more your body changed. And even the teeniest, tiniest changes were strikingly obvious to you.) 

The bathroom was your next stop. You’d take off the heart monitor before your shower, brush your teeth, and in the shower, you would glance down at your belly, water washing over it, to reflect on the person inside of it and how he or she was growing. And these days, you spent a lot of time wondering if the baby was a he or she. . . Just as you’d lean towards one guess, you’d lean towards the other. On certain days, you would wash your hair and if it hadn’t been very long, you’d skip that step. 

Once finished with the shower, you’d observe yourself to see if any stretch marks had grown, and at this point, a few had shown up, so a special cream was one the way that would be added to your morning and nightly routine to help prevent those from sticking around. Now, all you did was brush your hair and usually put it in a claw clip to avoid sweating profusely by keeping it against your neck. Then, you’d replace the adhesive of your heart monitor and adjust it to track your heart rate. 

You were so ready to be done with the stupid fucking device. It was a pain for many reasons. . . and you just hated the way it looked on your chest. It was a huge blemish on your changing body. A body that you were already feeling insecure enough about, even without the monitor.

When you’d trail back to your bedroom after your shower, you finished out the routine by taking your prenatals, checking your hemoglobin (which was doing consistently well, relieving you every time you saw the numbers stay positive), and you would pop a PregEase into your mouth to chew. The chewable had helped drastically with your nausea, and you weren’t planning on stopping it any time soon.

Finally, you’d go to the kitchen counter after making a smoothie in your BlendJet, and sit there to sip it as you read through The Panic-Free Pregnancy, taking notes in a notebook you’d purchased solely for baby notes.

And, now, since Jake had found out, he’d greet you in the kitchen or on your way to the bathroom to shower and he’d check on the baby. Check on how you were feeling. It always made you blush with the fact that he cared to check in. It was just really fucking sweet of him. Showed his heart. Of course, it wasn’t for you, it was for the baby. But still. . . it made your heart skip a beat. 

The day before Thanksgiving was no different. Except, this morning, Jake stopped you just as you’d grabbed your backpack and opened the door to leave for school. 

“Hey,” he called out to you. Your phone buzzed in your black LuluLemon, slung across your chest. When you turned, he flashed his phone screen towards you briefly. “Josh just texted in the group chat and asked if it was okay for us to have Friendsgiving here like you usually do. Day after Thanksgiving. Want me to tell him it’s fine?”

“Of course,” you grinned, getting your phone out to see the text for yourself. But, as you did, you also saw you were cutting it close to make it to class on time. Grabbing your keys out of your bag, you quickly responded, opening the door wider, one foot out. “Just tell him yes.”

He began typing as you went to walk out, the Jetta gave its signature beep across the parking lot as you unlocked it. But just as you stepped out, you stopped. Fuck. You’d have to clean the place. 

Normally, it would be no big deal, but you were still working long hours and keeping up with several classes while also being pregnant. . . 

So, you stepped back into the apartment, hand still holding the door open. You glanced up at him, accepting your fate. “I'll probably be cleaning the apartment tonight. I don’t want to have to fight any real baby tiredness on top of any food baby tiredness tomorrow night. I already get sleepy at the end of Thanksgiving Day, and I’m sure it’ll just be worse this year with,” you pointed to your belly. 

His eyes twinkled, but he didn’t say anything. . .probably because you were rambling and he was annoyed by it.

You twisted the knob, needing to leave, but wanting to let him know, “You can find something to do tonight so you don’t have to be around me and my obsessive compulsive cleaning habits.” 

He raised a brow, placing his phone on the counter. “Would it be okay if I helped you clean?”

“Um,” you faltered, nervous of him seeing that cringeworthy side of you. “I get really intense when I clean for special events.”

“I’m sure,” he grinned, winking. Your tummy swarmed with butterflies at the gesture. He continued, “But I still want to help you. Will you let me?”

Let him.

“I get kind of scary.”

“I don’t care.”

You measured him with your eyes, contemplating. It wasn’t that you wouldn’t love his help. . . It would be fantastic to have someone help you. You just didn’t want to scare him away. 

You’re having his baby, y/n. Did you scare him away when he found out about that? Or did he want to help you then, too? And what about when he–?

“Sure,” you said, promptly cutting off the voice in your head. “You can help. I’m just warning you. My control issues are bound to go haywire when I deep clean.”

“For good reason,” he defended. “In that circumstance.”

Your lips raising into a soft smile couldn’t be stopped. “Thanks, Jake.”

The soft smile didn’t leave your face as you made the trek to your car. 

Then it all came crashing down when you passed Maya in all of her graceful, voluptuous beauty, right before you got to your car. Your outfit of a giant sweater and loose AE jeans suddenly paled in comparison to her sexy black pencil skirt and tight white button-up shirt. Her perfume, sweet and expensive, wafting off of her in waves as she passed by you with a smile and a quick wave. Then there was you: wearing your Bath and Body Works body spray that you got on sale for $5.95.

Her heels clicked past you as your old white Nikes caught a rock and almost made you trip, eliciting a weird noise from your mouth. Hand on the belly, you caught yourself – not so gracefully. When you looked behind you to see if she’d witnessed it, she was already knocking on the door of the apartment. . .and being greeted with a kiss from Jake. The smile was absolutely wiped off your face at the sight of that.

Of course, your mind traveled to a not-so-fun place as you buckled into your car and went to turn on your soul music playlist. You just sat there, contemplating once more how much it sucked that you couldn’t be with him. It was even more sad with your predicament – it made your heart jump into your throat that you couldn’t complete the natural circle of two parents with a baby.

The song that started off the playlist was perfect for bringing you out of your slump, though. The Commodores singing about being ”High On Sunshine” reminded you of how serene and peaceful you’d felt when you’d woken up. Life was going well. . .Truly, completely well. You didn’t need a relationship with Jake to complete a circle of sorts. . . Really. Especially at this point in your life.

You could be friends – it really wouldn’t be so bad. Just friends. You’d take what you could get. Things would be fine.

-🌼🌼🌼-

“I don’t mind you telling her now,” you mentioned that night, packing up a nice dinner he’d made after you’d cleaned the entire apartment. 

He’d made chicken fajitas. 

Considering the meal was a crowd favorite (the crowd being you and the baby), it had been wonderful when you’d found out tonight how damn good he was at making them. Although, saying that you were packing it up into leftover containers with him. . .was a lie. 

You were leaning against the ledge of the counter top, watching him put it in Tupperware. He’d told you to sit and rest your feet and that he would worry about putting it away. Only agreeing halfway, you sure rested but didn’t rest your feet like he’d asked. After quietly accepting the offer with a quiet okay, you nodded your head. Then, you went to stand against the counter. 

“Please. Sit.” He’d encouraged, his voice slightly impatient, already weary with you. By the look in his eyes, you knew that he knew it was no use and that you weren’t going to agree. “You had to go to school and workwork today. You should rest your feet.”

Even though your feet did hurt like hell, you still weren’t about to let him boss you around. 

“Nah, I think I’m good,” you replied, shrugging. You took turns balancing and bouncing between each foot, totally giving you away. “I sit around too much.”

“Y/n.”

“Jake.”

He’d given you a look. And you had stared right back until he gave up and rolled his eyes before going about his business. 

In the present time, he was once again peering at you. But this time, his eye brow was raised in curiosity. “What?” He asked, unsure.

“You can tell Maya if you want,” you repeated, your eyes encouraging. “Tell her that you’re having a baby,” you laughed under your breath at that. A piece of hair fell from its place behind your ear. “Or, I guess, if we’re being technical. . . That I’m having your baby.”

He didn’t laugh along with the funny wording, just continued looking at you like you’d grown three heads. 

“Why?”

You didn’t know. All you knew was that Maya wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. So, in order to save Jake some extra stress, he’d better tell her sooner rather than later. That was it. 

“Just want it to be out in the open,” you stated plainly, shrugging once more. “Josh is going to tell Sam and Daniel for me soon. . . Explain all of the nitty gritty details of us so I don’t have to again.”

His face sank momentarily. Though, it didn’t last long enough for you to be sure if it wasn’t something you’d imagined.

“On top of that, I’m telling my grandparents tomorrow, so you just go ahead and tell her,” you explained further, trying to convince him it was okay.

He blinked a few times, probably processing it all. And then he responded.

“Okay,” he finally said, lips making a lopsided grin, eyes still containing a sense of curiosity.

“Okay,” you echoed, suddenly feeling the reality of him telling her. . . the reality of Josh telling Sammy and Danny. . .

It was about to be out in the open. Everyone was about to know. Not counting the doctors or Gia, a tiny total of four people in your life knew. Only four. You, Elsie, Josh, and Jake. And now, that number was about to increase. And with your permission, no less. 

-🌼🌼🌼-

November 24, 2022

You were on your way to your grandparents’ house, Elsie being your chauffeur when you filled her in on all of the therapy appointments (though, not the person secured in your safe place), your heart monitor in all of its ridiculous, agonizing glory.

Then, the boys’ careers came up in conversation. The music. The albums. The photoshoots. You even told her about the fan who called Jake hot. And as she was laughing about the fan interaction, and how uncomfy she was sure it made you, you thought to text Jake something that needed to be said. Something you’d believed in with your whole heart since the beginning. His career. 

It was even more important to you now that you were going to have his baby. It had trailed through your mind enough times that you knew you needed to share it with him. 

You, 12:02 p.m.: Please don’t put your career on hold for me or the baby.

It took a few moments, when Elsie was in the middle of telling you that she wasn’t sure how she felt about other girls calling Josh hot. You were absently agreeing on not being sure about it when you got the notification of his response.

Jake, 12:05 p.m.: I won’t. I’ll figure it out. 

And while you were in the middle of having one hard conversation, you decided on another. Something that broke your heart to say, but you believed in it just like you did the other topic. It was going to be awkward to talk about in person, so you were going to be a coward and hide behind the phone to say it.

You, 12:06 p.m.: We also don’t need to be in a relationship.

After sending it, you instantly realized the perspiration that had gathered on your palms. Instead of talking to Elsie, you just stared at your phone. After finding out, he’d turned his read receipts on, so you were able to see the moment he’d seen the message. 

While cleaning the night before, you’d asked him about it and his response was that he had done it so there weren’t any holes in your communication about baby-related things.

Jake, 12:08 p.m.: Never said we did. I don’t need that.

I don’t need that.

Translated, you knew it was a way of saying it would cause unnecessary stress. And you’d be remiss to ignore that the stress would most definitely result from you and your stupid emotional instability. And that thought just reminded you that the baby was the most important person to work on being emotionally stable for–not its father. 

Nonetheless, his response hurt way more than it should have. It cut fucking deep. For no reason whatsoever, because you knew he had a point. You believed the same as he did. Your previous text said as much. You just had to think logically. 

Jake, 12:09 p.m.: 1, I’m already in a relationship

Jake, 12:09 p.m.: and 2, it’ll be easier for us because we won’t have to worry about a relationship. It’s good that we’re just friends.

He was right. He made sense. You knew it. It was good to be just friends.

You, 12:10 p.m.: You are very right. I’m glad we’re on the same page.

Jake, 12:10 p.m.: and as far as touring and the band goes, we can figure out how to handle a baby in all of it. We’ll just work in a few more breaks or something

Jake, 12:11 p.m.: don’t worry about that. We’ll be fine. 

Jake, 12:11 p.m.: and by “we” I mean you, me and the baby

Right as you’d pulled up to your grandparents’ home, you sent him a final text about it. If you were being totally honest, the conversation made you feel sick to your stomach and you just wanted to focus on the fact that it was Thanksgiving. 

There was also the fact that you were more than just a little nervous about rocking your grandparents’ entire world. 

You, 12:22 p.m.: Thank you for talking to me about this. We can talk about it more at some other point. Have a good Thanksgiving!

Instantly, he read it. But it took him a bit to respond. You knew he was busy with family and Maya. And again, your stomach was knotted at another thought. Her. Them. Dream couple.

Jake, 12:25 p.m.: for sure. We’ll find time :) 

Jake, 12:25 p.m.: happy thanksgiving, y/n. I’m thankful for you. I really hope you know that.

With that last text, your heart sped up, your monitor phone beeping repeatedly in your belt bag to notify you of it. As if you couldn’t already feel the way your heart was about to literally beat out of your chest at his words. You grumpily unzipped your bag to get it out, locking your phone on your lap.

“Holy shit, dude,” Elsie exclaimed as she shut off the car. “Are you okay?! What’s happening?!”

You reassured her that it was just your monitor telling you your heart rate had gone up. But you made an excuse for why. Didn’t want her on your ass.

“I’m just really nervous to tell Grandma and Grandpa,” you lied.

You didn’t have to wait long for it to stop beeping. Thank God. It was annoying as hell, calling you out when you did not want to be called out. Finally, it turned off, though.

Elsie’s eyes became sympathetic, her delicate hand coming out to squeeze your sweater-clad arm. “It’ll be okay. I’ll be there the whole time. Deep breaths,” she calmly assured, taking a few with you. “And they’ll honestly just be really excited. Grandma, immediately. . . but Grandpa. . .”

“. . .Might take him a while,” you finished.

Your Grandma wasn’t necessarily your greatest worry, but she had been known to judge a time or two. . . Your Grandpa on the other hand. . . he was in a constant state of disappointment. All in all, you really had no fucking clue what to expect. Within seconds, the two of you were busting up at the thought. He was a pain in the ass. The definition of a crotchety old man. Laughing with Elsie was therapeutic. And this laughter in particular was incredibly necessary.

She waited for you to feel calm enough to go inside, and once you did, you got out to follow Elsie to the door. You never responded to the text. Didn’t even react to it with an exclamation, thumb, or heart. You didn’t want to mess anything up. 

So, you just let it be your last positive push before going inside your grandparents’. Because, while it hadn’t been the reason to make your monitor go batshit crazy, it was still incredibly nerve wracking to tell the people that raised you. The idea of telling them that you were pregnant by a man you weren’t in a relationship with. . . yeah.

You closed your eyes momentarily to locate your Safe Place. You’d gotten quite good at finding it. All you had to do was close your eyes and call it. But as Elsie unlocked the door to let the two of you in, the present time was unkindly welcoming you back in with anxious arms. 

Deep. Fucking. Breaths.

-🌼🌼🌼-

Thanksgiving was one of your favorite holidays. Christmas was your absolute favorite, but Thanksgiving was right up there, just behind it. 

For one, it meant your whole family got to be together for a holiday, and you loved getting to spend time with your family. It felt more special than just about anything else. . . and Thanksgiving was so great because it was just a day where you sat around, eating food, being with each other, talking and laughing. It was a holiday meant to force you to ruminate on why you were thankful for each other– a holiday that was designed to bring out the best in a person.

The hope that your grandparents would only have love in their hearts when they heard your news was the only thing that had pulled you and your nerves through the doorway. The same doorway you’d entered through a million and one times before. Except this time, someone else was entering with you. Your hand touched subconsciously to your rounded belly. There was nothing you could do about your predicament now, so you could only hope for the best responses they could muster.

As you walked in, the smell of your Grandma’s ever-famous smoked turkey flooded your senses, momentarily calming you. It reminded you of the main reason Thanksgiving and Christmas were your favorite holidays. They’d been that way for years–as long as you could remember. Her turkey was an absolute favorite of yours dating all the way back to your childhood. Cooking was her love language, and you first learned that before you ever went to live with your grandparents. You could remember loving it and finding solace in the taste of her full, home cooked meal on the rare occasion that your mom decided to celebrate the holidays with her parents. 

The taste and aroma of your Grandmother’s food represented peace for you–especially her holiday food. Holidays were special because they were the only time you were ever able to escape your mother and the now-hazy situations she’d put you in for the first ten years of your life. And then, when you’d gone to live with them, you’d finally found safety and security. . . The taste of her food had just continued its pattern of bringing you the feeling of comfort.

The times your mom would tote you and Elsie over state lines to see them were always very special. They were bittersweet memories for you. It was the only way you’d been able to see your grandparents then, as she never made them privy to your changing living locations. The three of you were always on the move. Never in one place for too long. But every home was dirtier than the last, a new man who would occupy it, as if anxiously anticipating your arrival.

You shook your head at those times–didn’t want to think about it for too long. Those thoughts led down dangerous, terrifying, dark paths that you didn’t want to experience on a day like today. Those times were the ones you’d explore in EMDR with a licensed professional at the ready to help guide you. 

You’d decided years ago that you weren’t going to venture down those paths alone. Didn’t want to bother Elsie, so instead, you’d instead pushed the memories away to near nonexistence. And. . . today was not the day you planned to change that. You wanted Gia with you for that, thank you very much. 

As you walked closer to the kitchen, you heard the sounds of your grandparents’ laughter, sounding so much like you were used to. . . You could only hope and pray to everything that it would continue on as normal—as normal as it could be—after they found out your big news. 

The warm hugs and expressions of joy that greeted you as the two of you rounded the corner were both a reassurance and an added stressor to your shaky nerves. You really didn’t want to shake their world too much. . . Didn’t want this to change. This was your first true home. They were your first people.

The people who took you and your sister in when you had no one else, the ones who raised you, showed you love when it felt your entire world lacked it. You couldn’t quite rid the apprehension to tell them. You would not be able to until the news officially left your mouth. 

-🌼🌼🌼-

“I’m pregnant.”

The sound of forks clinking against plates and the deafening sound of silence surrounded the entire dining room. You weren’t sure where the fuck it had come from–why you’d chosen to say it when you did. . . but there was no doubt it was out now. No questions were asked. Not yet. All eyes in the room, trained on you. Everyone sat still, totally unmoving and in total shock. 

Thankfully, only a few moments of it had to pass before your sister broke the silence. She was trying to buy some peace for you. Just as much as you, she was not a fan of awkward silence or tension.

“I, for one, am so, so excited,” Elsie beamed, looking back and forth between your grandparents, whose mouths were still clamped shut. “It’s going to be wonderful–the sweetest addition to this family!”

After only a few seconds of Elsie’s attempt to ease the air, your Grandma started blinking and you soon realized that she was blinking back tears. Oh no. . . was she upset? Disappointed? The woman who raised you so well – loved you better than anyone ever had before, who took you in when no one else wanted you. . . She didn’t need to sit there feeling any negative emotions only because of your careless decision. Just like she’d done for you, you needed to comfort her in this moment of unclarity. 

You went to rise from your seat, beginning an explanation you weren’t quite sure of yet once you were standing. “Grandma, I–.”

“Babygirl!” Your Grandmother exclaimed, bursting into tears. And before you could make it from where you stood beside your floral padded chair, she was walking to you – as fast as her frail legs could carry her. Even though you watched her every move, the feeling of her arms wrapping around you came before you expected it to. “We couldn’t be happier. I don’t even have to look at your Grandfather to know he’s as ecstatic as me. I know he loves you just like I do,” she sighed, squeezing you gently. Her shaky, familiar voice spoke softly in your ear, “A baby is the greatest gift – especially if it’s one of my babies’ babies.”

You blinked back all of the emotion that nestled comfortably into your bones. The distinct, wistfully familiar notes of Chanel No. 5 wrapped around you as tight as her arms. And, suddenly, the scent had you back in a mirage of memories where she was holding you just the same. 

The first time a boy had broken your heart at thirteen years old. When you fell off your bike the month after you moved in with them, crying more over your mother than the bike wreck. Anytime you and Elsie got into some asinine bickering match that only your Grandmother could settle. . . So many times she’d held you just like this. Except this time, you felt it differently, gripped closer to her, not ready to let go. . . you’d needed this so badly. Hadn’t even realized just how badly you needed to feel her hold you after finding this out. 

You sniffed, finally letting yourself part from her. She wasn’t going to be the first to let go, so you made the move. “Grandma,” you looked directly into her eyes, getting lost in the aging, watery icy blue irises. “Your approval – and Grandpa’s,” you glanced at him briefly, a small smile on his face as he watched you. Your heart leapt. “It meant more to me than anyone else’s.” 

Elsie huffed and made a noise. Your Grandma giggled at Elsie’s indignance. You rolled your eyes, turning to your sister for a split second to give her a look, then faced the aging woman once more. “Almost anyone else’s. I was just scared to let you down, although I. . .,” you paused momentarily, blinking back tears as her perfume infiltrated your senses once more as she pushed some hair delicately behind your ear. “I should have known better than that.”

“My precious babygirl, there is nothing you could ever do that would make us think less of you,” she insisted, bringing her hand down to your arm, softly soothing circles into your flesh through your sweater. “Not only have we told you that your entire life, but I could only hope we have been able to show it to you. Just how much you mean and how we are always on your side – no matter what.”

-🌼🌼🌼-

The rest of the dinner and dessert went on about the same, with your Grandpa actually receiving the news very well–only grumbling slightly at the idea of the father not being around.

To which Elsie had quickly defended with a correction, pointed straight at your Grandfather, her eyes glued to him. “Don’t be so quick to make assumptions, Grandpa.”

You’d joined in, too, not wanting her to have to approach that on her own. It wasn’t her responsibility to have to make any reassurances for your mindless decision. 

“He is in the picture, Grandpa,” you assured, swallowing your bite of pumpkin pie. Your eyes linked with his, begging him to understand. “I never said he wasn’t. I only said that I didn’t want to tell you who he is yet.”

After that, he’d simmered down on the father subject enough for dessert to finish up. And, as Elsie and your Grandma went to put away leftovers, you led the way to the living room to set up A Christmas Story. It was a Thanksgiving tradition to watch it after stuffing your faces to the point of exhaustion. 

Just as you’d gotten the movie queued up, you heard his telling sigh behind you. His years-old maroon, fabric recliner, moaning with the sudden weight of a person. You gave him the slightest smile, still unsure of how to act around him as he’d been supportive, just quiet about it. 

His reaction could definitely be expected, but you didn’t want it. You just wanted him to not act crotchety, just this once. Problem was, you were kind of stuck on what to say. So, instead of saying anything to initiate conversation, you sat on your phone, checking Instagram stories. 

So many fucking coupley photos with the most generic captions. But, to your complete relief, nothing had yet been posted by Jake or Maya (yes, you followed her now–for no other reason but to torture yourself). Just as you were about to check your Ovia app for the second time that day, you heard your Grandpa clear his throat. 

You just acted oblivious, though, not wanting to look up unless he actually wanted to talk. Didn’t want to push him or anything. . . poke the bear. 

“Sugarplum,” he started, using the nickname he’d penned for you years ago. 

Your heart lightened at the nickname. Anytime he used it, you knew he was about to say something sweet and slightly outside of his comfort zone. And by that, it meant he was going to say something particularly tender and sweet. Two things he was not used to being. . . Save for the heart he’d had when he started using the nickname. It had come at a sensitive time. 

The nickname came from a precious tradition. After you’d come to live with them, he’d started the tradition. The man had been determined to make you and your sister feel better, and he’d always been better with actions than words. So, the year your sister and you had come to live with them, he’d started taking you to the Nutcracker. It was a whole thing. 

Every Christmas season, your family of four would get all dolled up (you and Elsie, having had matching Christmas dresses and ringlet curls–hair-sprayed to the point of crunchy– the first couple of years). Then, you’d go eat at Carmine’s before attending a performance of the Nutcracker ballet – always at David H. Koch Theater. 

You weren’t sure what he was about to say, but the nickname always meant it was going to be rather softhearted.

“Sweetie,” he sighed. You looked at him, seeing every wrinkle and age spot on his worn features. His face held every ounce of compassion you were sure he could muster. Your eyes already teary at the cold, snowy memories you’d just re-lived, and seeing him in such a vulnerable state had you gasp just slightly. “I love this baby. I love you. And I am so happy for you–overjoyed,” he said, singing it in the tone of the Stevie Wonder tune. You gasped on another breath, a tear springing from your eye to cheek. “Very, very much so, honey.”

“Really?” You couldn’t help but mutter.

“With all my heart I mean it,” he confirmed, eyes crinkling at the edges with a smile in them. “I only get short-tempered about the father because I don’t want to witness the child being abandoned or betrayed by men the way you and Elsie–,” he shook his head, draining a thought he was in the middle of. He grunted, eyes glassy when he looked at you again. “I don’t need this baby’s father being absent like yours was, is all. I get infinitely resentful on the subject of the people who did you and your sister wrong. . . and I just can’t have that for my great-grandchild either.”

There was no response you could possibly give save for the intermittent sniffles that accompanied the tears that wetted your cheeks. So, all you did was nod, a shaky smile on your lips. The man deeply loved you. You knew that. But, it made your heart hurt in a strange way when he’d say things that truly proved it. . . since he so rarely did. The baby must have meant a lot to him already, for him to feel so inclined to bare his heart like this. 

“I love that child and I will protect it in my role as long as I can,” he said, his own voice wobbling on the words. “I promise you, Sugarplum. Just like I did for you and your sister.”

After a couple of moments, you found something to say, out of the mess of emotions hugging your heart. 

“This baby’s father will be nothing like ours,” you said, without a doubt. You barely remembered the man who’d helped make the two of you. He hadn’t ever really been around–a sperm donor at best. “He’s an incredible man. The baby is very lucky to have him.”

The words pinched your chest, your stomach twisting tight on what you’d said. . . Jake was so wonderful. Even if he didn’t want you, he wanted the baby. You knew that. You knew it. You had seen it in his eyes the moment you’d said the baby was his. Jake Kiszka was special and you were glad your baby would be part of him–was already part of him. You were glad the baby had him.

You just weren’t ready to tell your grandparents it was him. . . you didn’t want either of them to unrightfully judge Jake if they were to know. Especially your Grandfather. . . they’d had such an honest, genuine connection. It had been magical to witness. Jake, having been the person to bring the old man out of his shell for the first time in your entire life. 

You knew you had to tell them soon, but it just didn’t feel like the right time quite yet. . . There was so much going on already. The two of them finding out the identity of the baby’s father could wait just a little longer. 

-🌼🌼🌼-

You got home around eleven o’clock that night, after taking Elsie to Josh’s. The night had been exactly what your soul needed. Time with your Grandma and Grandpa, as well as a car jam session with Elsie on the way to her boyfriend’s apartment. 

The reason you’d finished so late was because your grandparents hadn’t really wanted the night to end. After sitting through every end credit of A Christmas Story, you’d rented the brand new A Christmas Story Christmas on the Roku TV you’d Christmas-gifted the two elderly people a year ago. 

Although, you hadn’t ended up paying much attention to the movie since your grandparents had been determined to hear all about Elsie’s travels and your current. . . predicament. They had also questioned you about school.

Thankfully, you’d given a few barely-there answers and the conversation had basically concluded on that subject. There hadn’t even been an onslaught of career-based questions. All of the baby-related inquiries had been a good distraction from that. 

They’d even stayed up past their bedtime of nine o’clock, aiming to hear every last detail of your life and Elsie’s. But, there’d come a point that your Grandpa had fallen asleep as he’d tuned out, signaling the end of the evening. 

So, at 11:00, you were finally pulling in to the apartment complex, safe and sound into your designated parking spot. Jake’s car was where he usually parked it, you noticed. But, you already knew he was home. He’d texted about an hour back asking when you’d be home, to which you’d responded with an I don’t know, a little flutter in your tummy as you typed. 

Even though he hadn’t responded, it didn’t crush you. Truly. You were becoming accustomed to your present relationship with him. . . well. . . .at least you were really trying to become accustomed.

On the way up to the apartment, you barely made the last step with how utterly exhausted you were. The act of carrying a child was not easy work and honestly, your grandparents hadn’t been the only ones staying up past their bedtime. You’d kept the heavy-lidded blinking at bay at your childhood home, but as you unlocked the door, you let out a long yawn which felt like it’d been waiting for hours to be released. Because it had been. You hadn’t wanted to be rude while engaging in conversation. Felt so relaxing and the action in and of itself had totally drained you. Your comfy, cozy bed was calling you.

When you entered the apartment, you were assaulted by the wondrous smells of something sweet and sugary–the scent was closely comparable to cake or cupcakes. You almost let your nose drag you to the source, but when you looked into the kitchen on your trek to your bedroom, you hastily decided against that idea. And you suddenly felt like you were going to profusely vomit. 

Jake, with his back facing you as he leaned against the kitchen island, his fingers grasping at nothing, only gripping what he could of the counter his ass was pressing against. His beautiful locks of hair were all stringy and messy–the telling sign of hands having been run through it. His moans were enough to make you grow chills from both distaste and lust. The sound of him reaching his release was unlike any other. . . 

But the infuriating fact that it was coming from the tanned, curvaceous woman on her knees in front of him. Who, unfortunately, you could see from the side of the island. And to make matters worse, she was barely fucking clothed. A tiny sheer dress of black lingerie, the only thing you could see from your vantage point. She had her free hand bunched into the material at the back of his gray t-shirt, holding onto him for dear fucking life as she went to town.

When the bile rose to your throat, you knew you had to get away before you threw up. You did not want to puke up any Thanksgiving food, thank you very much. Couldn’t ruin the sentimental dishes only because of Jake and his frustratingly beautiful girlfriend. 

To your relief, once you made it to your room, quiet as a mouse, you found your Stanley as cold as you’d left it (praises-fucking-be for Stanley insulation). And you didn’t have to force sleep after you’d taken a quick makeup wipe to your face and put on an oversized Pratt t-shirt. 

The moans and groans and whiny-fucking-sighs from the kitchen faded out in no time as sleep almost instantly found you. 

Thank fucking God for the tiredness that came with making a human. 

-🌼🌼🌼-

a/n: see you tomorrow w part 2... Friendsgiving will kick off pt 2... there is so much to come ;)

ty for being the best readers in the world and pleaseee never hesitate to send in your wonderful thoughts! love youuuu <3

& as usual, it wouldn’t let me tag some of y’all. :( so please check to see that you’re down there because if you’ve asked to be on the taglist, i tried to tag you. buuuut tumblr wouldn’t let me do it for everyone 🙃 ugh. and if i somehow forgot to tag someone, please also let me know that! (i'm a NOOB and i have terrible memory)

Taglist: @joshym, @gretavanfleetposts, @alyson814, @fretaganvleet, @lallisonl, @writingcold, @gvfpal, @twinszka, @jessicafg03, @reesetrippingthelight, @sacredjake, @laurenlovesgretavanfleet, @gretavangroove, @222headedcalf, @dreamssingold, @carbondancingthroughtime, @raviolilegs, @way-to-go-lad, @jakekiszkasmommy, @katgvf, @objectsinspvce, @jaketlover, @vanfleeter, @thetroublegetssoloud71, @seditabets, @jakekiszkapunchmeintheface, @jaketlove, @ohgodthefeeling-gvf, @starcatcher-jake, @anythingforjtk, @lucimoo, @indigostreakmorgan, @gretavanbear, @katelynn-gvf, @alwaysonthemend, @aintthatapity, @bowievanfleet, @fwzco, @takenbythemadness, @cherry-icecreamsmile, @laneygvf, @hi-hi-hello11, @sinarainbows, @jakesbarbarian, @mybussyinchrist, @becinabubblegvf, @heckingfrick, @danigvf, @pinkandsleepy1934, @derrangeddumpsterfire, @klarxtr, @josh-iamyour-mama, @abby-gvf, @cassyface, @gretavansabotage, @torniturntomyarrow, @joshsbonnet, @llrosee, @starshine-gvf, @itsafullmoon, @gvfmarge, @creadliz98

(and, due to t*mblr’s shitass guidelines, i will be adding the other tags in a reblog of the story!)

#jake kiszka x reader #jake kiszka fic #jake kiszka fanfic #jake fic #my fics #covet #every chapter from here on out includes very major events for reader and jake #take with that what you will

[tmntheadcanons]

tmnt 2003 headcanons: sleeping

Leo:

The room needs to be pitch black, dead silent and ice cold for him to fall asleep.

And he is a very light sleeper. I feel like he was always a bit like this but also trained himself to wake up quickly and easily when he hears something.

And he sleeps straight on his back like he is in a coffin.

And he sleeps with one pillow and it's the same, flat pillow he has been using for the last 10 years.

He won't go to sleep unless he knows everyone is home.

I think the difference between him and Donnie would be that Donnie doesn't let himself sleep but Leo actually can't sleep. I feel like he's naturally a bit of an insomniac but when he tries to sleep he kinda spirals in his own thoughts and stresses himself out.

But it's not always stress that keeps him up it'll be like the song Mikey was singing the same four lines of all day is now violently stuck in his head keeping him awake and he's thinking about how he is going to murder his brother in the morning.

Mikey:

Sleeps with a minimum of 5 pillows. One for spooning, two for his head, one for his feet and one to violently throw off the bed while half asleep at 3 am.

He can really sleep anywhere though. (And he will)

He talks in his sleep. He'll mutter a lot of non-sensical stuff and also he'll sometimes just straight up laugh in his sleep. And he rolls around a lot during the night.

I think Mikey has the wackiest dreams. His dreams are very vivid and if someone shows up in his dream he will go out of his way to tell them about their guest star appearance in his absolutely off the wall bonkers dream.

Also he is the one who has the most nightmares

He likes to sleep with a little bit of noise. He likes the tv playing or music playing while he's falling asleep and if it's dead silent he'll find it a little unsettling.

Same with lights, he likes to have a lava lamp or some sort of soft light on in the room.

I think he would go absolutely feral for one of those galaxy project lights.

Also he's totally a blanket hog.

Raph:

The second his head hits the pillow he is out.

He could be mid conversation and just pass out. But it's only ever when he knows he can. He's good at staying awake if he needs to keep watch but if he's relaxed he can fall asleep in like 30 seconds.

And he sprawls out when he sleeps. He will starfish.

Or be half hanging off the bed.

And he violently snores.

And talks a little bit in his sleep too but not as much as Mikey, just every once in a while.

His dreams are super mundane. He'll come back from an absolutely wild experience, fall asleep and then dream about like doing the dishes.

But every once in a while he'll get a bad stress dream. I could see it being something social related like humans finding out about them and freaking out, or his whole family being upset with him because of something he did.

I feel like Raph would like a bit of white noise when he sleeps, like a fan or something. He doesn't need it to fall asleep, but he likes it.

Like Leo, he is also a bit of a light sleeper, but he falls asleep again pretty quickly after he wakes up.

Donnie:

He's good at staying awake for long periods of time but once he's out, he's OUT.

Must be physically shaken to wake him up.

He is frequently sleep deprived so every once in a while he will crash and sleep for like 14 hours. Most nights he goes to bed way too late especially when he's working on something but usually when he's finished he'll have a recovery day.

Like I said with Leo, his issue is that he doesn't let himself sleep. He won't actually go to bed he will just suck back coffee and keep doing what he's doing. However, I could see him having similar issues as Leo after Good Genes or SAINW, where he overworks himself at night to avoid spiraling thoughts while he's trying to fall asleep.

I feel like he's bad for being like "Okay I'm going to stop working and actually go to bed" and then instead of sleeping he sits in the dark on his computer on the internet until 4 in the morning.

He curls up when he sleeps he never sleeps just flat on his back.

But he'll always wakes up in a weird position he'll be like upside town on his bed in what looks like a yoga position and be like "How did I get here?"

#tmnt #tmnt 2003 #tmnt 2003 headcanons #tmnt headcanons #I'm sorry these are kind of more angsty than I meant them to be. I started out with haha Raph snores and then it kind of spiraled

[aropride]

following me simulator (in the reverse order it should be for readability sorry)

773,439 notes

aropride Follow April 5th 2024, 08:27am

good MORNINg dashboard. time for another day i am not ready but i will do it

#text #happyt thursday treat thursday

3 notes

aropride Follow April 5th 2024, 10:02am

to do today. psych quiz , work on zines, Remember to eat, dont die

#text #to do list tag

4 notes

aropride Follow April 5th 2024, 10:37am

my life is so beautiful (boy whos at the library voice)

#text

14 notes

aropride Follow April 5th 2024, 11:13am

GO TO HERE

#text #Spotify

9 notes

aropride Follow April 5th 2024, 11:22am

all right well why dont u listen to the waves crash against the shore for a while and maybe you’ll calm down . can you let the beauty of the world overtake you for just one fucking second

#text

31,798 notes

.

aropride Follow April 5th 2024, 12:05pm

everyone on here needs to stop laughing about how "adopting pets from a shelter is for losers" and "those animals should be hunted for sport instead" its reprehensible on so many levels. First of all

Read more

#text #discourse

27 notes

aropride Follow April 5th 2024, 12:32pm

answer my questions boy

#text #polls

126 notes

aropride Follow April 5th 2024, 01:14pm

mcr5 summer 2024. mark my words

#text #mcr5

8 notes

aropride Follow April 5th 2024, 01:49pm

shaking and trembling and looking at you with fear in my eyes etc . did anyone else notice its scary

#text #scaredposting

39 notes

aropride Follow April 5th 2024, 02:43pm

ooh my godfdddd guys . just had an f slur moment so insane i literally cant come backfrom this one they have to kill me they have to kill me.

#text #I HATE BEING BISEXUAL THIS IS SO HUMBLING . #i would literally. WHATEVER

19 notes

aropride Follow 🔁 mychemmutal1 Follow April 5th 2024, 04:12pm

[gerard image]

#i miss you baby girl please call me i love you

12,971 notes

aropride Follow 🔁 normalaestheticblog Follow April 5th 2024, 04:23pm

[picture of a big clunky computer with some wires exposed or something]

#MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE. need her carnally #💾

7,122 notes

aropride Follow April 5th 2024, 06:37pm

just had the best pbj sandwich ever if you even care

#i love you pbj sandwich #text

4 notes

aropride Follow April 5th 2024, 06:58pm

i am goign to rip this title ix coordinator LIMB FROM LIMB !!!!!!!!

#text #WHO ELSE UP HAVING THEIR CIVIL RIGHTS VIOLATED LOLLLL #the negligence is crazy Lol . giys should i sue . i could literally fucking sue right now . oh my god . jesus christ #neg #🗒️

11 notes

aropride Follow April 5th 2024, 07:14pm

its like no one even cares about frozen 2013 anymore

#text

2 notes

aropride Follow 🔁 mychemmutual2 Follow April 5th 2024, 07:19pm

[gerard image]

#i miss her thighs i mean her music #PLEASE VOME BACKKKKKKK

1,939 notes

aropride Follow April 5th 2024, 08:12pm

judt went to the store and almost got hit by a fucking car coming back Like actually

#text #HAPPY THURSDAY I GUESS . WHATEVER

12 notes

aropride Follow April 5th 2024, 08:15pm

no but literally like. im NEVER gonna give you up. NEVER gonna let you down NEVER gonna tell a lie and HURT YOU..!!!!!!!!

#text #/ly

6 notes

aropride Follow April 5th 2024, 08:31pm

edibles time i deserve a little treat to be FREAKING honest

#text #weedposting

2 notes

aropride Follow April 5th 2024, 09:48pm

The edible has turned me bisexual once more.

#text #I NEED THEM IN A WAY THAT'S CONCERNING TO THE QUEER RIGHTS MOVEMENT

#text #fakeposting #about me

[natashaashleymarvelromanoff]

The Freak and his Princess

Eddie Munson x Reader

summary |  you and Eddie have been best friends since freshman year, then one night at your place things change, changing your relationship forever.

word count | 5.8k

Warnings | Smut (18+ only) NSFW. minors DNI. penetrative sex, oral sex (f receiving) unprotected sex. praise kink. pet names. slight choking. riding. missionary. creampie. best friends to lovers. 

❤️ posting this again since it didn’t seem to do too well! Is tumblr shading me bro tf??? 

find this fic on AO3 here too 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/39797688

 You and Eddie have been best friends since freshman year, it was your first day at Hawkins high after moving in the summer. You were so nervous, especially as the new kid no one knew but you were a regular kid, you figured eventually you'd find some friends but it was still as nerve-wracking as ever. 

You walked in trying to be as confident as you could and within 10 seconds you crashed into someone, your bag fell off your shoulder and their books fell on the floor. You scrambled to help, already embarrassed before you noticed it was a book about D+D. He introduced himself as Eddie, and it wasn't long before you started to talk about how you both loved dungeons and dragons. Turns out he was in the same homeroom and a few of your classes. 

He seemed just as excited to talk to you as you did about finally gaining a friend. And over the years you learned why. Whilst you were still into some of the same things as other kids, dressing in pinks, dresses and skirts and your cheer uniform, Eddie was his own person, a standout, what others deemed to be an outcast. He liked metal music, got his first tattoo at 15, dressed in black, had his ripped jeans and grew his hair out like the rockstars he listened to. This was Indiana in the 80s, people didn't exactly see him as normal and labelled him Eddie ‘The freak’ Munson. 

You were one of the only ‘normal’ people who treated him like a person. Sure over the years you both made other friends and had clubs and extracurricular activities but it never stopped you from hanging out or going to play D+D with the Hellfire club. People judged but you never cared too much, you were still one of Hawkins's cheerleaders, a straight-A student and so nice to everyone that people kinda let it slide, but it still never stopped them from calling Eddie. 

You always defended him whenever you could, even when Eddie would insist you didn't need to. He could take it, it rarely ever phased him and you always admired that about him. He’d insist he didn't want everyone to hate you just because of him but he was your friend, practically your best friend. No, he was your best friend. And if he wouldn't take shit from anyone then you could too. Although that didn't stop Jason fucking carver and his basketball idiots. 

Thankfully your parents didn't buy into the rumours or town gossip about him, they had known him since you first became friends and knew he was a decent boy. Hell, your dad liked him even more since he liked the same kind of music, that was probably why you both got along so well. Your parents were definitely more chill than others and let you pursue whatever interests came up without judging you, they just wanted you to be yourself. 

That's why your home became a kind of safe haven for Eddie, he lived with his uncle at the trailer park after his parents had died a few years ago. Your mom would always insist that Eddie came for dinner or your dad would invite him to come back to talk about music and bands. They just wanted to make sure he felt comfortable around them like he had somewhere to go. It could be easy for a kid like Eddie to fall onto the wrong tracks but you were always there to make sure he didn't. 

This weekend your parents were going out of town for some convention for your mom's work, they always went together and turned it into a little getaway for themselves. Even though they liked Eddie and let him stay over when you were both a bit younger, since you got older it happened less and less. But what they don't know won't hurt them right? 

You invited Eddie to come round so you could watch a movie so that Friday after school you both headed to his van, headed to Family Video and intensely debated over which movie to pick, your choice of ‘Star Wars Empire Strikes Back or Eddie's choice, Poltergiest, obviously, he loves good horror.  

You ended up getting both. 

You stopped at a gas station for snacks before getting back to your house. On the drive home, Eddie was trying to convince you to screw studying all together nonstop, but you of course insisted. Eddie was always a bit of a pushover when it came to you. 

“Pleeeeeaaaaaassseeeeee y/n?? It's one night! Your GPA will hardly hurt.”

“No, but yours will! Eddie, I get if you don't want to go to college but I want you to at least pass senior year, who else am I going to go to prom with?”

Your comment about prom made Eddie catch a breath in his throat. He didn't even think about prom, he didn't realise you would have wanted to go with him. His eyes widened ever so slightly at the realisation in the car. 

“You okay?” You asked, this was probably the longest he had been quiet since you finished school. 

“Oh absolutely grand, princess.” he snapped back to reality, turning to show off his big grin, You smiled at him playfully. 

“Fine, we can study buuuuuuuut, I want the tv on in the back.” Rolling your eyes you agreed, at least that's one way to get him to study for finals.

Pulling up to your drive, you both jump out heading inside. You ran upstairs to grab your notes whilst Eddie set up the living room, quickly pouring the bag of snacks onto the table and even quicker to turn on the tv and change the channel to something with cartoons. 

You probably manage about an hour of studying, and Eddie manages to pay attention a total of 3 minutes before you hear his extremely over-exaggerated sigh of boredom. Looking up at him from your notes you see him barely entranced in the tv, stuffing handfuls of chips into his mouth. It almost physically hurts you to see him this bored, his constant spark of ADHD subdued by homework. 

Taking pity on him you sigh and put your notes down. 

“Okay i'm practically done, you wa nna put a film on now?”

God, you love seeing that giant toothy smile of his. 

He jumps up excitedly, hopping over the coffee table and making you laugh. You toss your notes on the table before falling down on the couch. 

Once eddies finished putting the video in the VCR he runs over giddy to you, dropping next to you on the couch so that your bodies are pressed up against each other, his arm wrapped around your shoulder, a habit that became so natural to the both of you. 

“What?! Hey, you put poltergeist on? That's not fair this is my place Eddie.”

His mouth opens almost offended. “You’re the one who decided to torture me with homework on a Friday night princess!” you huffed out a laugh, rolling your eyes before digging your arm into him, making him feign injury and pretending to choke to death. 

It wasn't the most unusual thing for you and Eddie to snuggle into each other, you’d been doing it for years, but over the last few months, things had changed, with you at least.

You found yourself looking a little too long at him. Noticed how his hair got longer and curlier, and god they were soft. You forced him to buy some better conditioner that just made his hair look and smell amazing. And his hands… God his hands. They were so much bigger than yours, adorned with his giant rings. In fact, you got him one of them once, it was years ago but felt like yesterday you only saw that he placed it on his left ring finger. 

You shook your head of your thoughts. It was stupid to read too much into that one, if only Eddie could hear you, he'd probably laugh. He was your best friend and yet you were sitting here listing off the things that you found attractive about him. He didn't think of you in that way, you were just his friend that happened to be a girl, who had similar interests. You knew eddies type, and it was certainly not you. 

You were all girly, prim and pink, the girls Eddie liked, or his celebrity crushes were punk and fierce and not afraid to express themselves. Not that you didn't, you liked the way you were but you knew it wasn't eddies type. 

You liked him. Maybe you even loved him, were In love with him. It's all just so confusing, but all you know is that you wanted him… bad. 

But you could never tell him, you were afraid it would ruin your friendship. And that was the most important thing. You never wanted to lose Eddie, and if hiding this secret would protect that, then so be it. 

As the movie goes on, you start feeling nervous, his closeness and even his usual scent of weed and that fucking conditioner were getting to you. Not to mention the fact he put fucking poltergeist on. You didn't mind horror films honestly but it wasn't your first pick since they made you a little jumpy. 

And Eddie always noticed. He huffed a little laugh, glancing down at you before pulling you in a bit closer. He thought it was adorable. But when he glanced down, he could tell there was something off, you weren't looking at the tv but down into nothing, lost in your mind. There's something bothering you. 

“What’s wrong princess?”

You snap back to reality. His voice coaxing you out. 

“Nothin, nothings wrong. Just.. the film got to me a little.”

Frowning, he lifts his other hand, bringing it to your chin, he pulls gently, making you turn to look at him. You're still laying against him and this new position makes you seem even closer to him. You glance at his lips, gulping. How have you never noticed how big and plump they were? 

“Princess talk to me. I know you and I can tell something on your mind.”

That fucking nickname, you used to think of it as innocent, him joking at you for being friends with everyone, because everyone liked you. But now when it comes from him, it's all you ever wanna hear him call you. You want to be his princess and his princess only. 

“Eddie it's nothing, im fine.”

“Well, I don't believe you.”

“I don't need you to believe me eds.” you snapped at him, looking back at the tv and in an instant, you feel guilty. 

He pulls his head back slightly, his brows furrowing together. This frustrates him, he's not used to you talking to him like this. He reaches for the remote and pauses the movie. His face looked stern and confused now. 

“y/n, what's going on? You never keep anything from me, whats happened, are you okay? Is this about that dick Jason again?” you sigh shaking your head.

“No it's not about Jason, no more than his usual douchebag shenanigans.”

“Then what? Is it me? Have I done something wrong?” 

His voice quietened down, You whip your head around, he almost looked like a kicked puppy the way his big brown eyes were concerned about you, his voice sounds sad and hurts like he genuinely thinks he could have done something wrong.

“What? no Eddie no you haven't done anything wrong. The opposite really.”

“Then talk to me princess, tell me what's troubling that beautiful mind of yours and ill make it go away.” He's stroking your cheekbone now. Back and forth, caressing it, sending shivers down your spine with every movement. 

“I can't.” you whisper. 

“Why the hell not?”

“Because I cant.”

He gets up disrupting your sitting, the space beside you now cold and empty. You miss his presence instantly. 

“Goddammit y/n why can't you just tell me, do you have any idea what's going through my messed up brain right now?”

You go to speak but he starts to ramble, trailing off when his brain is working too fast for his mouth to catch up. 

“Is it school? Your friends? Did someone pick on you, or worse did someone hurt you? My mind won't stop princess, all these thoughts going through my head, and the worst part is you can't tell me?”

He's pacing back and forth in front of you, your eyes are building with tears, this wasn't how you thought tonight would go. You can feel all the tension building up, you can feel yourself itching to confess just to get him to stop. 

When he catches a glance at you, he stops on the carpet, and walks over, dropping to his knees in front of you. His hands slide up your arms, gently rubbing the exposed skin. Even when he's annoyed and angry he still cares for you and can't stand to see you upset. 

“Princess please don't cry. Just tell me what's wrong and I’ll fix it.”

You take a breath, looking into his big chocolate eyes that are just aching with worry, 

“You can't fix it Eddie”

“Maybe I can if you tell me what it is.”

You breathe out defeated, you can't take it any longer, the way he looks at you makes you melt, and the fact you can see him hurting from this makes your chest heavy. 

“It's you Eddie.”

He's visibly taken aback. Mouth dropping open. His grip falters slightly at your confession. 

“But you said… “

“I know what I said. Eddie, you didn't do anything wrong, if anything it's me.”

Now he's confused, you wiggle out of his grip to stand up, you face him and he also stands, you're a few feet apart, he stands there waiting and watching you. Waiting for you to explain what the hell you mean. 

“I don't want you to hate me.”

“Why would I ever hate you y/n?”

Here goes nothing. You think to yourself. And at this moment you knew. It was never just a maybe. It never had been. 

“Because im in love with you.”

“I have been for.. God I don't even know. I only realised a few weeks ago but it goes so much deeper than that. You're my best friend Eddie, you always have been and I don't want to ruin that between us, because if I lose you then I lose everything. I don't want you out of my life and I know that's selfish but i–”

You’re cut off by Eddie, when you were rambling he made his way over to you, hands reaching out to cup your face, his lips silencing yours with a kiss. You melt into it instantly. Kissing back with just as much passion as you received it. And Jesus Christ it felt as good as you thought it would be. 

A few seconds felt like eternity before you both pull away breathless. You look up at him dumbfounded and speechless. 

“Princess, I've been in love with you since freshman year.”

What? Did you hear that right? Your eyes widened, his large hands sliding down to your jaw onto your neck. The cool surface of his rings gives you goosebumps. 

“What?” is all you squeaked out

“That day you knocked into me, your first day, you apologised for walking into me and smiled, god it was like id never known what a smile was before that day. You had pathetic 14-year-old me whipped the second he lay eyes on you. I just… you were the only person who got me, talked to me with no judgement. How could I not fall for you? 

You said you didn't wanna ruin this, us, I didn't want to ruin it either, I didn't want to risk the chance of losing you because i fucked this all up. And then you’d truly think I was the freak everyone says I am.”

“I would never think that.” your hand goes up to his shoulder, holding onto him, his hand now having made their way down from your neck to your waist. Holding and gripping you close to him. 

“But I didn't know that. I ran through every single scenario like I would a game of d+d, the anxiety just took over and I always pictured the worst.”

“So did i.” huffing out a laugh, you finally let a tear fall, he moves in quick to kiss the tear away. His lips feather-light. As you rest in his arms as he hugs you, 

You had never felt safer, more loved and happier than you did right now. 

Shifting your head up to look at him, you reached behind his neck and pull him down to kiss you. He's a bit surprised at your eagerness but happily returns the kiss. But neither of you can seem to pull away. Eddie has been dreaming of this since freshman year. 

Things get a little heated fast, both of you lost in this new feeling, Eddie pulls at your waist, his hands slipping down your thighs to feel the skin there before moving to the back of your legs to cup the crease between your ass and thigh. You let out a gasp at the touches you’d only ever dreamed about. 

He reluctantly let go of your lips, resting his head against yours.

“I can stop, we can stop” 

“No” 

You pull him down once again, attacking his lips to engage in battle with yours. Just as if you’d rolled a 20 on the d+d dice. 

As you keep on making out, Eddie pulls you with him towards the couch, before falling on it to sit down now he's sat and you're still standing. He looks you up and down, biting his lip. 

“I cannot get enough of you.” he confesses, his teeth releasing his lip before smiling and grabbing your hip, pulling you to make you sit on his lap facing him, your legs widening to straddle him. 

He throws his head forward, capturing your lips again, you start to move almost out of natural instinct in his lap, grinding yourself down onto him, you could feel the ache and heartbeat in your pussy. But he pulls away annoyingly too soon. 

“y/n, tell me to stop. An- and ill go home, I can take you on a proper date, something disgusting normal and cheesy, ill pick you up. Go for dinner and a movie, drop you off before curfew so your dad doesn't hate me. Hell ill even bring you a bouquet of flowers, ill get you 5 or however many you want.”

You sit in his lap listening, in awe at his attempt at a normal date, describing the perfect cheesy first date that any girl would dream about. But you don't need that, you never did. Because you've had 4 years' worth of him, you've had movie nights, dinners, and even the odd flower he's picked up from someone's garden because it reminded him of you. 

All you need is him. Right now. You've both waited long enough for this. 

“Eddie, don't stop, I never want you to stop.”

 you breathe out in a whisper so close to his ear that it makes him shiver all the way down his spine. 

In an instant, he reaches for your lower back, pulling you even closer to him, chest to chest.  you're wearing your favourite skirt with only panties underneath, you can feel everything underneath you, you can feel the hardness in his jeans. You could have been nice but now isn't the time. 

You press down harder with the help of his grip and moan, he captures your lips again, his hands now moving to your hips before one traces down your leg, slipping under your skirt to feel the bare skin underneath. Your hands make their way to eddies shoulders and hair, pulling on it as you feel his big soft hands make their way up further and further until you feel his thumb graze against your panties, and when he does he pulls away moaning. 

“Really princess? Only panties? What are you doing to me?”

You giggle and kiss him again, his lips an intoxicating taste. 

“I love it when you call me that.” you confess shyly. But he just flashes you a cheeky smirk. 

“Princess?” he almost sounds like he's teasing you. 

You kiss him, you can feel his smile against your mouth

“Princess.”

Definitely teasing you. Goddammit.

You kiss again.

“My princess”

Another one 

“Only mine”

“Only yours.”

With his other hand, he places it at your back urging you to fall forwards against him so all of your weight is laid against him, he wants you as close as possible, to feel all of you against him. 

Your makeout session gets hotter and heavier as you start to roll your hips, his hard cock under his thick jeans hitting your clit in just the right spot as you grind against him. You moan into his mouth, the combination of your clit rocking against him, his hand grazing your panties and his kisses completely absorbing you. 

Suddenly the room is feeling too hot and you need some kind of release. You take your hands back and reach down for your top, pulling it up over your head, the kiss being cut off as you feel the chill of the room hit your back, goosebumps showing up all over your body. Eddie can only look on in amazement, you're topless except for your bra, sat in his lap with only your skirt and panties. 

He instantly goes for your neck, kissing up from your collarbones to your jaw, quickly pecking you under your ear. 

“You are the most amazing and beautiful being I have ever had the pleasure of laying my unworthy eyes on.”

He never fails to make you giggle. He sits up slightly, holding onto you so you don't fall backwards. And starts to pull at his own top, his favourite and your favourite, the hellfire club t-shirt. After pulling it over his head he throws it somewhere across the room, your bare skin pressed up against his. 

Your hands drift down, feeling along his chest and stomach, taking in the feeling of it. 

You glance up to see Eddie staring at you, you can feel his hand still under your skirt, slowly caressing the small space between panties and skin. 

“I love you.” He breathes out desperately. 

Your hands cup his face, stroking his cheek. 

“I love you.” You lean forward to kiss him. 

“Now take me upstairs and make me yours.”

He doesn't need to be told twice. In an instant, he lurches forward, his hands moving to grab you at your ass, holding you in his arms against him as he stands, walking towards the stairs to carry you up, never breaking eye contact until he reaches your room. 

He sets you down on your carpet, his hands snaking around your waist, not letting you go too far without him, your hands are around his neck again, he's going in for a kiss immediately, walking you backwards toward your girly pink bed, covered in pillows and your favourite stuffed animals. Your legs hit the edge of your bed causing you to fall back, Eddie doesn't waste a second before crawling on top of you as you scoot up farther, he grabs at your legs, pushing them apart to allow him room to lay between them, it makes you shudder when you feel his hands push them farther apart. Not to mention the way his hips slot against yours perfectly, allowing you to feel the hardness in his jeans against your soaking clothed pussy. 

His lips land on yours again before pulling away to kiss down your neck and your chest going over your bra and then stomach until finally, he reaches your skirt, He stops, glancing up at you slightly with a smirk on his face, Before running his hands up your thighs until he reaches your panties once again, his thumbs hooking underneath the sides pulling at them slightly until they give way and he pulls them down your thighs.

Your head falls back as you moan at the sensation knowing that in no little time at all Eddie would be down there doing god knows what to you. 

To your surprise when you look back down at him he's still looking at you, His eyes never leaving you once even as he's pulling your panties down your legs, It's your reaction he wants to see, he wants to see you squirm and moan at what he's doing to you. To know that he's the one making you react like this and that he's the only one that gets to do this to you. 

You can feel your panties getting further down your legs until they eventually reach your ankles knowing that the inevitable is not far off, He hasn't glanced down once, Waiting until you're bare before him, Your skirt is the only thing left between him and your pussy. You can feel your wetness already starting to drip down into the crease of your cheeks, You can only imagine the site Eddie will see when he eventually lifts back your skirt.

But before he does he pulls back, Climbing over you to Tower over you once more his lips capturing your own in a sweet kiss.

“Is this what you want? Tell me, princess? If you want me to stop I will. But I need you to tell me now, not in 30 seconds or 5 minutes, it needs to be now. I want you to be sure.”

“Eddie I told you. I never want you to stop.”

He shuffles back down between your legs, His hands gathering the material of your skirt,  pulling it up to your legs until it's resting on your stomach,  Your legs spread wide to accommodate him as he rests between them, finally looking at your bare pussy, Glistening for him. 

He's breathtaken at the site, Knowing this is all for Him. 

His hands graze up your thighs once again pushing them even further apart if that was possible, You can feel his breath getting hotter as he moves closer, He places gentle kisses on your thighs, Leading up towards your dripping pussy. Before you know it you feel eddies Lips instantly devouring your pussy, No more teasing he goes straight in for it. If you had the capacity to feel embarrassed right now, the moan you let out would have made you die of embarrassment. But all you can feel is the pure pleasure of eddies tongue lapping up at your juices and arousal. 

Eddie feels like he's in heaven, In his entire life he's never tasted something so Perfect, So good and sweet that he doesn't think he could live his life without ever tasting this again. 

He doesn't hold back as he continuously laps and kisses and licks at your pussy, Pulling out all the moans and whimpers from you, He swears he's never heard a more beautiful sound. 

As if egging you on he stops for a second. Kissing the space between your pussy and thighs. 

“God woman, all those pretty sounds just for me?”

“Just for you” you're a mess, you can hardly speak without having to think of every word, without sounding like you're about to fall apart.

“That's my good girl.”

He dives back in, not even starting slow, he goes all in like it's the air he breathes. 

His hands tighten around your thighs, even he can't get enough that he's literally gripping into you, no doubt leaving future bruises in the shape of his hands behind. 

His tongue is licking up stripes, circling your clit, teasing it within an inch of its life. This tiny bundle of nerves he's playing with breaks you into this moaning mess and you build further and further up to your climax. You try to squeeze your thighs together but he doesn't let you, his hands pushing them down to make sure you're spread for him so he can take as much as he can. 

In a rush of a few seconds, your vision blurs and the most beautiful sound falls from your lips, screaming out from Your orgasm as it ripples through you, your whole body shaking, You arch your back as you moan out loud, His tongue not letting up until he's satisfied. 

As you come down from your high all sweaty and breathless, your vision starts to come back and you look down to see his head peak up, His beautiful smile beaming up at you and his chin glistening with your juices, evidence of your orgasm covering his face. 

You reach your hand down to caress his jaw your thumb running over his bottom lip feeling the slickness. Pushing up from the bed you lean forward and Eddie lifts himself up at the same time, You capture his lips in a kiss tasting your own juices on his mouth. 

After a few moments of making out, you reach down for eddies belt, unbuckling it, before undoing his zipper. All you can hear is the jangle of loose change and his belt as you push his jeans down, including his boxers until his legs are bare, at the same time his hands are feeling up your back before reaching your bra to undo the clasps, when he does your bra falls down your arms, revealing your tits to him, he pulls back from the kiss to look down at them before smiling and licking his lips and then diving down to capture one of your nipples  between his lips, even now they're overly sensitive, but he somehow manages to make anything he does feel good.

Leaning over you again, he wraps his arms around you before flipping you over until your sat on top of him once more. He's sat against the headboard of your bed, Your legs on either side of his. There's nothing between you anymore. You're both breathing heavily, knowing what comes next. 

He reaches down and grabs his dick, lining himself up with your pussy. You can feel the tip gently stretching you open at your entrance. 

He stops briefly and reminds you about a condom, but neither of you have one, you shake your head. 

“I don't care. I need you Eddie.”

You lower yourself down, taking him inch by inch. His hands are holding you at your hips, giving you some leverage to help you as you lower down. His eyes are looking down between your legs, watching as he disappears deeper and deeper inside of your pussy. 

“Are you okay?”

You nod silently, kissing his lips. 

“Take what you need princess, You're doing so well baby”

You whimper at his praise easing further down until you reach the hilt. your pelvises skin to skin. He was bigger than you expected, slowly stretching you open to accommodate him, you can practically feel him in your stomach, it makes you ache and moan. 

you hear his little whimpers and moans at your tightness, he can't believe how unbelievably tight you are. When your settled, he reaches for your face, pulling you in for a kiss. 

“Whenever your ready princess.” he whispers into your ear.

You start to move, your hips rolling back and forth, your clit bumping against Eddie as you rock.  You let out sweet little moans every time you rub against him. 

It gets faster and a little rougher, he grabs onto your neck, his rings cool against the skin of your neck, he can practically feel your racing pulse beneath his fingers as his hold tightens squeezing slightly as you both thrust and rock. 

As both of you breathe helplessly, your strength lessens, Eddie can feel you slowing so picks up the slack to thrust up underneath you. Bringing you closer and closer to release. With his added effort it doesn't take much longer for you to finally reach climax. 

You wrap your arms around eddies head, pulling him into your chest, he looks up at you in awe, breathing in each other. His legs go off your hip to reach down between you, he's so close but he won't cum until you do. His thumb lands on your clit, rubbing and pressing small circles into it, you yell out at the sensation, your climax coming fast until you finally scream out, your release taking over you as your pussy clenches down on eddies dick. 

Eddie is moaning into your chest, feeling your walls tighten around him as he cums deep inside of you. The sound he makes is feral. 

You can feel the heat inside you as you both come down, it was risky but you needed to feel him inside of you. You stay sat in his lap for a while, both of you just soaking in what happened. Your arms are wrapped around him, holding on tightly, after a few moments he pulls you off and down to his side, finally slipping out of you, you both lay side by side, his cum leaking out of you and onto your pristine pink bed sheets, evidence of his claim on you. 

You're both exhausted and sleepy, cumming together had taken it out of the both of you. 

you look up at him, gazing lazily at him, smiling, your hand going to stroke his chin back and forth as he looks back at you, not once breaking eye contact. He's completely enveloped in you. Like your the only person in the world. 

“You did so good princess, such a good girl.” He leans in to steal a quick kiss, a cheeky smile adorning his lips. 

You bite your lip as you smile up at him, his praise going straight to your head. You could get used to this. 

“I love you Eddie”

“I love you too princess. But you know what I love more?”

You furrow ur eyebrows smiling. What?

“The fact your parents aren't home for another 3 days, snd there's nothing else for us to do until then.”

You smile and wack him on the chest. He grabs at your sides moving up to tickle you. Gasping out a quick laugh you grab his hands to get him to stop, he gives in and just wraps his arms around you, pulling you into his chest so your head is laid on him, You both settle eventually, sleepy pillow talk getting quieter and mumbly and sleep finally takes you both. 

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson smut #eddie stranger things #eddie munson #stranger things #stranger things season 4 #smut #fluff #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x y/n #friends to lovers #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson fic

[angel-therandomthing]

Full trailer breakdown for helluva boss season 2 (part 1)

1) at the start of the trailer we see a group of hooded figures that say “come out we have got you surrounded” probably, knowing blitzø, gotten into deep shit with a cult of some sort and blitzø probably owes them money

2) in the next frame we see the gang in there van with moxie and blitzø talking

Moxie: we’re are we going

Blitzø: anywhere but here, get ready for a life on the run gang

*blitzø crashes the van into a pole*

Moxie: I fucking hate you so much blitzø

First get the obvious stuff out of the way. They are on the run from what I think would be the cult from the start of the trailer indicating that they are most probably FUCKED. And judging from the fact that full moon (the next episode we are going to get) seems to be about stolas and blitzø relationships I will except that this episode will be apology tour (coming in June) and I also expect this because as you will see in a bit I am pretty sure that I got each episode correct for what parts are in it. But my favourite part of this is that moxie calls blitzø instead of sir and we don’t know why yet so it would make sense that Thai isn’t that first episode to be released but the second.

3) moxie talks about Business being at a peak and that it would be disastrous to lose what they worked for now. Which is making me think that blitzø is going to do something stupid sending back profit. Knowing that I recon that that is a scene from the last episode sinmas (coming out in December to go with the Christmas spirit)

4) in this part we see blitzø and moxie standing in front of a smashed car that looks to be there’s. We can also see different spray paint on the car that could indicate that they will get a new van (if them crashing the van at the start wasn’t a good indicator) we can also see blitzø in a ghostbusters looking back pack with a vibrator in hand( why I don’t know). Behind all that we can see witherd trees probably apart of a new ring. And giving that the rings are based off the seven deadly sins I would guess it is sloth or envy (giving that we have been to wrath, pride, greed and lust).

5) we can see fizz holding a giant blurred out thing (knowing him a sex toy) with blitzø win a bow tie in the corner. The background consists of what is Ozzie’s home , also we’re fizz lives. And giving blitzøs unusual attire I will guess that this is the sinmass.

6) this one is more of a small one. We can se stolas sitting on his bed looking all depressed. Now all I can take out of this is that this has something to do with the full moon episode (OUT NEXT MONTH. Going to do a break down and a couple of theory’s on that when it releases) BUT WHAT DID BLITZØ DO TO MY STOLAS!?

7) we can see moxie jumping over a bunch of rocks away from a explosion. From what I can see without any dialog to back me up here is this connected to a scene later on and that moxie is in the list ring. I recon it is most likely sinmas because as we saw earlier blitzø was with fizz in the lust ring.

8) I am not really going to count this since it’s just them jumping out of a portal using stolas book so this would be at that beginning of full moon before stolas gives blitzø the sucubass crystal( if you missed that watch season 2 episode 5 and the look my way music video)

9) now we see the stupid fucking cherubs come back. But this time they have been caught by the freaks from the D.O.R.K.S. Having a conversation

Unnamed male dork from season 1: so why would a bunch of angels be looking for demons

Cherub: we lay and wait for them to return to earth so we might smite them once and for all

Agent who: we would need someone with more experience

With this I’m guessing that the Dorks and cherubs are going to team up

10) we now see blitzø using a sucubass crystal to teleport to the mortal world (the one stolas got in look my way so this would be after full moon) giving the dorks finger guns and winking that them probably to tawnt them. But what is interesting is the background behind blitzø being all red which is going to then be in imp city but not in there office signaling that they could be in the run. From all this I recon this one and the next two and previous one are all from the same episode being, drum roll please 🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁, master mind (airing in November which is sad because it is the most interesting looking one

Atlas I can only use 10 photos so I will post this now and work on part 2

#helluva boss #season 2 #stolitz #stolas #blitzø #helluva millie #moxie helluva boss #spoilers #i spent way too much time on this #i’m going insane #i want to kms #i am fucking crying #stolas is kinda hot. #fan theory

[lostonmyroad]

Moments That I Want Tattooed On My Forehead From S-Classes That I Raised Chapters 70-90

As always, BEWARE OF SPOILERS!!! Future chapters may be referenced!!!

Omg i forgot how much I loved these arcs. Taejinjae squad is forming (i mean they're 5 seconds away from murdering each other but still)

Chapters 70-80

yerim roasting yoojin’s grandpa-like naming tendencies as she should. naming the unicorns black and white???

yoojin wanting to go to an escape room cafe with yerim and yoohyun :))) AND THEN THEY ACTUALLY DO GO LMFAO (with some property damage involved i'm sure)

yoohyun casually checking whether he needs to get rid of (murder) myeongwoo once he finds out that yoojin didn't actually know him

yoohyun and hyuna tag teaming to defend yoojin in front of the Association!!! Squad goals!!!

yoojin worrying about myeongwoo :)) myeongwoo not caring that yoojin lied to him ;)) wholesome as hell...if you can't tell this is one of my favorite relationships in the series

yoojin’s monster protection squad!!

really small detail that hyj thought shj would give myeongwoo a bouquet also. no sir that privilege (curse?) is for you only. 

lmao yoohyun knowing that the way to get to myeongwoo is to be nice to yoojin

myeongwoo praising yoojin on national tv, on a live broadcast the world is watching. as he should!!!

yoojin: please don’t look at me please don’t look at me

yoojin’s fear of the media and what ppl are saying about him :((

fully grown Peace!! love Peace and Yoohyun’s not-friendship

yoojin: let me go in an A rank dungeon PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

everyone else around him: i’m getting gray hairs

moon hyuna pulling up in her red sports car with the drip is incredible

shj, @ the han brothers: you guys are freaks :)))

yoojin: should i call shj ahjusshi?? (please don't)

shj calling them his kids ajfjejxkwksk

shj and hyj flirting has begun. please reread the chapters and enjoy

not yoojin babysitting 3 s ranks at the same time

"I mean, I'd just wanted to regress and live comfortably. Why was I now in an A-rank dungeon packed with S-ranks? If I'd agreed when Yoohun-ie had said to just live locked up for 3 years, um... would we have gotten an 'end of the world ending?" rip yoojin

they’re all so worried about him :)

“i only had to work myself to the bone for 10 years” if you say so buddy

yoojin being worried about the world possibly ending

hyuna trying to protect? yoojin from hyunjae (or just keep him to herself) either way thank you queen

YOOJIN SCOLDING THEM FOR FIGHTING mom energy off the charts

yoojin telling everyone i love you is comedy gold every. single. time. and also very wholesome

yoojin going full manipulate malewife threatening them (the s-ranks) with myeongwoo

chirpie and it’s wack L rank skill..the mystery

i love seeing yoojin directing dungeon raids. geunseo really knows how to write settings/action!! and yoojin’s perspective is so fun to follow

YERIM GIVING YOOJIN A PRINCESS CARRY YEAHHHH

keyword has been applied to hyuna my beloved

shj making yoojin almost faint and then giving him his coat. they're a mess

shj failed kidnapping attempt. we’ll get em next time. yoojin stop getting kidnapped challenge

yoojin causing chaos every time he enters a dungeon

yoojin fainting like a maiden 10/10

yoojin you’re literally in the hospital. chill out for like five seconds (he proceeds to destroy his hospital room via dokkaebi)

shj: i will buy your love :)) (turns out its kind of effective)

NOAH ENTRANCE NOAH ENTRANCE

chapters 80-90

i haven’t really mentioned the dokkaebi but they’re so cute

yoojin destroying his hospital room lmao. this is not reassuring anyone that he knows how to make good decisions 

SONG TAEWON MAKES HIS DEBUT!!! repressed government worker of my dreams

shj deliberately crashing into song taewon’s crusty ass car and then stealing his job as tour guide. freak 4 freak

yerim and shj: working together on making life more difficult for song taewon

Comet the dragon is so cute omgggg

Kang Soyoung having a million speeding tickets so true bestie

KANG SOYOUNG AND HYUNA GOING TO AN ESCAPE ROOM TOGETHER!!! AND GETTING THE FASTEST TIME BECAUSE THEY BROKE IT LMFAOOO

hyunjae freaking yoojin out by flirting with him. but like yoojin can’t help flirting back i love them

stw joking around with yoojin and yerim about randomly arresting people??? lmao??? comedy king??

yoojin worried yerim is becoming a delinquent (too late bestie this ship has sailed)

yoojin saying he's never commited any crimes and then internally going "...I'd committed murder, threatening, and assault. But I wouldn't get caught for those" we love a self aware king

song taewon casually revealing that he ends up investigating yoohyun every three months. i believe it. yoohyun a certified freak

song taewon: so your brother is a freak just thought I'd let you know

there are so many different people who independently tell yoojin that his brother is a freak. yoohyun be normal challenge

infamous song taewon choking yoojin out to see if he’s truly lost his sense of danger scene!!! honestly yoojin this was necessary

fear resistance and the fourth wall: being absolutely fucked

love that yoojin's solution to this is should i start watching horror movies at home??

yoojin: i cant apply the “i love you” keyword to stw because he’ll take it TOO seriously like yeah that's the real reason you can't do that

YERIM IN A SUIT YERIM IN A SUIT

NOAH NOAH NOAH

yoojin wishing he’d gotten hurt instead of yerim :((

small detail of the healer being Indian! as an indian person woo hoo

"...I stepped towards Noah. But the moment I took a single step...my shoulders were grabbed. Both of them, at that. Sung Hyunjae and Song Taewon looked down at me simultaneously. The duo's expressions were different, but somehow they felt familiar." my longest yeah boy ever

taejinjae squad starting to form!!

yoojin seeing a terrible older sibling: it’s on sight (rip Riette)

"You two seem to get along well. Should I alos strangle you once?" LMAOOO i don’t even know man shj is wild

starting to get reveals of the han brothers past… god their parents…

hyunjae being a shady shit behind the scenes

noah is just a baby boy. he’s a baby dragon. baby boy

yoojin going full mother hen on yoohyun after he comes out of his solo dungeon raid

yoohyun grudgingly accepting others because they’re also protecting yoojin

chapter 89 yoohyun is something that is so so special to me

not shj fueling the violence by sending yoohyun picture of a) the damaged hospital room b) evidence of stw choking yoojin out and c) evidence of noah hurting yoojin

KANCOEDI YOOHYUNS CLOSET FULL OF CELL PHONES BC HE KEEPS BREAKING THEM

yoojin not being afraid of yoohyun or peace with fear resistance off :))

chapter 90 fight between yoohyun and noah is. chefs kiss

yoohyun asking where yerim got hurt!!! i mean it’s partially so he has a reason to beat up Noah but!! he does care!!

I'd say this is where the plot really starts (80+ chapters in lmao), especially with the fight againt the SS-rank babbar.

#losttalks #han yoojin #s class #s classes that i raised #sctir #the s classes that i raised #the s ranks that i raised

[obrother1976]

can u make like. ur top 10 books. freak books. anything. kisses your brain

sure!! these r not gonna be ranked bc god knows i could never choose between them & also im gonna be annoying and ramble a bit about every one

death in venice by thomas mann (classic. but its so rich w metaphors and symbolism. if you do read it, i'd recommend reading "the uses of myth in death in venice" by isadore traschen afterwards, bc it does a great job explaining all the freudian allegories and mythological symbolism and u'll literally be tearing ur hair out afterwards over how brilliant thomas mann was)

the carnivorous lamb by agustín gómez-arcos (idc that i've already talked about this a gajillion times on here. its literally the best book i've ever read. i'll forever be obsessed and i wish there was literally anything that could ever hit as hard as this did. if u read it, anon (if u havent already) dont go through the carnivorous lamb tag on here bc u need to experience this without any big prior knowledge. trust me)

erotism: death and sensuality by george bataille (ik im just listing the classics atp. but how could i ever leave that one out. this ones a lot and depending on how into bataille & philosophy in general u are it could be too much. but if u havent already read this one anon, just read the introduction. trust me ure gonna loose it from that alone)

gemini by michel tournier (this one... took me ages to get through it on my first read bc of the way its written, but it was so worth it. not even gonna say much about this one - its basically like if twins by bari wood was good lmao)

incest: from a "journal of love": the unexpurgated diary of anais nin, 1932-1934 (or every anais nin diary ever in general, but this one especially. there was just no one that got it quite like she did)

indecent theology: theological perversions in sex, gender and politics by marcella althaus-reid (sorry for literally recommending theory. im pretty sure u were asking for fiction lol, but this (& althaus-reid in general) is everything to me. if u've any interest whatsoever in theology u should check this one out)

the sluts by dennis cooper (slightly controversial opinion i think? not that the book itself is controversial, just that dennis cooper is very hit and miss at times. this book tho, definite hit. its so intense and convoluted and i loved every second of it. read this before death and sensuality and u're guaranteed to think of nothing else for at least a month)

querelle of brest by jean genet ("those knock-out body fluids: blood, sperm, tears!". kind of a classic since theres also the fassbinder movie but i prefer the book tbh. its been a while since i've read it but it'll forever be in my favourites)

crash by j.g. ballard (yeah ik we've all seen crash but i need more ppl to read the book. hold on actually i need to insert one of my favourite bits from it here:

Reaching through the fractured windshields and passenger windows around me, I marked my semen on the oily instrument panels and binnacles, touching these wound areas at their most deformed points.)

ada, or ardor: a family chronicle by vladimir nabokov (one of the most beautiful books i've ever read. probably not the most helpful recommendation bc im pretty sure its a classic but i cant not mention it.)

also some bonus recommendations of books that didnt make the list bc they're either not freak books or bc i havent read them yet:

christopher and his kind by christopher isherwood (not a freak book. not even remotely. but will forever have a special place in my heart.)

the sparrow by maria doria russell (read this one anon!!! this would be on the list, but im not fully finished w it yet so i cant officially put it in my top 10 yet)

exquisite corpse by poppy z. brite (havent read that one yet but its on my list!!)

autobiography of red by anne carson (not a freak book. beautifully written, a work of art really)

as meat loves salt by maria mccann (havent read that one yet. hoping its as good as everyone says)

skagboys by irvine welsh (one thing about me is that i'll always find a way to mention the trainspotting books)

#u guys r feeding my ego big time w these media asks. #i love doing lists ngl. just waiting patiently until the 'top 10 favourite academic papers?' ask drops lmao #also mwah <3 @ u anon. kissing u for that ask #oh also anon: if u havent already read carnivorous lamb and decide to check it out - u neeeed to listen to velvet voices by townes van zand #while reading it. theres no bigger reason behind that. its just that i listened to it on loop while reading #and that was literally a spiritual experience #ask

[frost-queen]

A heart of woe // part 9 (Addams!Reader)

Forever tag: @missmelodramatic, @theletterhart, @alex--awesome--22, @elllie-does-the-posts, @floatlosers, @merlieve, 

@queen-of-books, @glimmering-darling-dolly, @denkisclown, @wildieflower, @meyocoko, 

@bubblybrianna, @justanothercoco @idkwhatmyusername,  @subjecta13-thefangirl, @harleyquinnswifeyfrfr, @swampthing07, 

@aposthatisbored, @m-rae23 @happxme, @sunghoonspenguin,  @danielle-marie , @fanficfanatic204,  @ghostlycrystobalove, @rayliz793, 

@thisistherealmekitty, @write-from-the-heart, @mgcldydrms, @melsunshine, @ghwoticz,

Summary: Feeling unwell, some of your friends try to help as best as they can while you go down a rabbithole of side-effects. The poison slowly claiming you. Yet what can be done against it? Read part 1 & part 2 & part 3 & part 4 & part 5 & part 6 & part 7 & part 8 & part 10

Pulling the covers off you, you swung your legs out of bed. Sitting up straight, clamping onto the bed, you needed a moment to process what you were feeling. Your brows furrowed hearing your stomach rumble about. Squeezing your stomach, you hoped to silence it. – “Am I that hungry?” – you asked yourself hearing another groan. Looking to the side, you checked what time it was. Nowhere near sunrise. Squeezing your stomach tighter at the pain, you barely could hold it. – “I’m getting food.” – you said out loud, getting out of bed.

You slipped into your comfy slippers as black as night. At a slow pace you made your way over to the door. Stomach making sounds so loud you were glad no one was around to hear it. It would be so embarrassing. It took you a lot of strength to move your feet about. Barely able to lift them. Toes dragging over the floor till you lifted them briefly up to set your heel down. Halfway the hall, you paused to catch your breath.

You stumbled a bit further, dragging yourself forwards. Suddenly the walls felt like closing in on you. Twisting and turning in a blur. No longer able to distinguish the floor from the ceiling. Gasping for air, you stumbled to the side. Grabbing the first thing in reach. A door handle. The door handle flipped down and up by your force. Body crashing against the door as you had lost your balance. It took you a second to shake yourself awake.

On the other end of the door shot Enid awake. Eyes wide with fear. – “Wednesday.” – she shout-whispered, pulling the covers more up. Wednesday groaned in her sleep pulling her covers over her head. – “Did… did you hear that Wednesday?” – Enid asked frightful. – “Go back to sleep Enid.” – Wednesday replied moody. – “But… but… I heard something… in the hallway.” – her lip trembled. – “Then go look.” – Wednesday’s voice muffled from coming under the sheets. – “What if it is the Hyde?” – she freaked out pulling the covers over her head to hide.

Wednesday groaned loud. – “If I hear you scream I’ll know.” – she replied grinning with her eyes closed. Enid huffed loud, pushing her covers down. – “I thought you’d love to explore if it was the Hyde?” – she called out making sure her voice remained quiet enough yet loud and clear to deliver the message. Wednesday slapped her covers off her, staring at the ceiling. – “It better be the Hyde or I’m feeding you to it myself!” – she said getting up in one swift motion.

Enid swallowed nervously moving her covers away as well. – “Now I hope it is not.” – she said. Wednesday grabbed a flashlight making her way to the door. Enid followed wanting to stay close. Wednesday opened the door without hesitation as Enid yelped. – “Do you want to get eaten?” – she asked. Enid shook her head. – “Then stop squealing like a faint girl.” – she made clear with a deep sigh.

Wednesday shone her flashlight down the hallway. Enid grabbed for her shoulder as her light fell upon a figure. Wednesday gave her a bitter expression that made her let go. Wednesday casted her light better on the person recognizing you out of a million. – “Disappointing.” – she said dull. – “It’s my sister.” – Wednesday turned around heading back to her room. – “Wait!” – Enid called out. – “Aren… aren’t you curious to what she is doing so late?” – Enid questioned.

Wednesday stared at her. – “For all I care she is summoning ghosts.” – she answered with little care. Enid took the flashlight from her roomie. – “Well I am going to investigate.” – Enid had set her mind to it. Wednesday didn’t reply to it, closing the door behind her. – “Fine! I’ll be alright on my own.” – Enid said to the door. Turning around nervous, she couldn’t deny she was a bit anxious. What if you were truly going to summon ghosts. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to witness that.

Swallowing her doubt down, she went on with shaky legs. – “Y/n.” – Enid whispered, her flashlight shuddering in her grip. The light bounced up and down. Too nervous to keep it steady. – “Y/n wait up.” – she called out when she was losing sight of you. Enid started running. Going down the stairs as you were already going down them. – “Y/n.” – Enid whispered seeing your hand slide against the wall for grip. – “Are you alright?”

Enid started to run faster. At the foot of the stairs, she caught you. Grabbing you firmly by your arm, turning you around to her. – “Y/n!” – she said shining her light at you. You squeezed your eyes partly shut at the bright light. Enid gasped moving back. – “Are… are you alright?” – she asked panicky seeing the sweat glimmer on your face. – “Just… just hungry I guess.” – you told her, squeezing your stomach more. Enid frowned. – “Does your stomach hurt?” – she asked moving your hand away.

You nodded, bending over at the pain. – “It’s like I haven’t eaten in ages.” – you explained. Enid took you by the arm to keep you standing up straight. She hummed deep looking thoughtful around. – “I don’t think the nurse would be pleased if I wake her up.” – she said to herself out loud. You flinched hearing your own stomach growl. – “Did… did you perhaps ate something bad at the Carnival?” – Enid asked, trying all possibilities.

“I don’t know.” – you answered. – “All I ate was cotton candy.” – reminding her. Enid shone her flashlight at a door. – “Perhaps we can go look for a snack or medicine.” – she looked at you wondering which approach you wanted. – “Food.” – you said clear. Enid moved her arm around you to support you. She didn’t want you to fall to the ground.

Enid found her way to the cafeteria easily in the dark. She led you to the back behind the counters. With her back, she pushed the heavy doors open. The room was cooler. Enid set you down on a chair. Laying her flashlight on the table. Your eyes needed a second to adjust to the light Enid had switched on. – “Okay what do you want?” – she said opening the fridge. You shrugged your shoulders. – “Anything eatable.” – you answered. – “Eatable. Got it.”  - Enid repeated searching the fridge.

She grabbed a blood bag, looking disgusted at it for a moment. She shuddered while placing it back. She dove in with both her hands. Shoving things aside in search for something presentable enough to actually make one want to eat. Most things were stomach turners in her eyes. You felt your stomach contract together, freaking you out. – “Enid…” – you said. – “What?” – Enid replied speeding up her search, picking up packs of raw meat to look underneath.

“I don’t feel so good.” – you told her, feeling your stomach growl. Enid gasped bailing on her task to find food. – “Emergency!” – she called out, running around in search for a bucket. She found one with traces of yellow liquid in it. Thinking what it could be almost made her gag. She didn’t find anything else, going back with the bucket to you. – “Sorry I couldn’t find a clean one.” – she said.

You took the bucket from her, holding it close to your chest. – “Good enough.” – you answered. You stuck your head in it, taking a good sniff. – “Disgusting Y/n.” – Enid called out with a pulled up nose. – “It’s not puss… too bad.” – you told her. Enid faked a gag sound at the horrid idea. – “You know you are one sicko sometimes.” – she said. – “Thank you.” – you answered trying to smile. Enid patted you on your head with a deep sigh. – “Still need any food?” – she asked to be sure. You pulled your shoulders up, feeling a tat better.

Enid moved back to the fridge, taking one last look. Your lips parted feeling lightheaded. – “E…Enid…” – you breathed out. Enid hummed loud, her finger in her mouth, a cup of pudding in her other one. She dropped her pudding at the sight of you. She came running over as you couldn’t see straight. Enid moving from side to side in a wave. – “Y/n! You are looking pale. More then ever!” – she exclaimed in a panic.

“I’m getting your sister!” – she pulled herself up as you stopped her by grabbing her arm. – “No Wednesday!” – you made clear. – “Y/n I can’t attend to you like this? You are clearly sick!” – she called out in a panic. She pulled out her phone, clutching onto it. – “Let me at least call Tyler then! He might know what to do… please.”

You let go of her arm. Enid turned around making the call. The air around you was tightening. – “I…I need fresh air.” – you said getting up. Enid was too busy calling on the phone she hardly heard you leave. You left through a back door, finding a way outside. You took in a deep breath, letting your head fall back. Dropping the bucket you started walking.

Barefoot in the grass. The moon full between the leaves of the trees. Taking another deep breath, you started to feel better. Stumbling through the woods to wherever your bare feet were carrying you. The cold breeze didn’t do you anything. The cold seemed to make you feel clear. Sane. You wandered further in the woods enclosing your school.

Guided by the moon and dark. You smiled feeling almost esthetic. Euphoric of some kind. You smiled wider seeing grim faces appear in the trees. Blood dripping down the bark made you look giddy at it. Heart pattering just a bit faster. What a dream this was.

“Y/n!” – Tyler called out spotting you through the trees. He came running over nearly tripping over his own feet. He bumped hard against you, wrapping his arms around you. He exhaled deeply relieved. Cupping your cheeks, he lifted your head a bit up to meet with his eyes. – “Are you alright. Enid called me that you were feeling unwell.” – he said taking a good look at you. – “I’m fine.” – you told him with a wave dismissing it.

Tyler furrowed his brows. – “What… what are you doing out here in the woods? It’s not save.” – he clenched his jaw, looking around. You started laughing making him frown. – “I am the most dangerous thing here in the woods.” – you teased with a little shove. Tyler chuckled. – “I know.” – he answered. He kissed your forehead teasingly. He wrapped his arms around you, letting his head rest against your side. – “Does your stomach still hurt?” – he asked.

You shook your head. – “Was it the cotton candy?” – he whispered lips close to your ear. – “Or the tea?” – you said making him widen his eyes. He moved you at arms-length. – “What tea?” – he asked frantically. – “Misses Thorn-“ – you started as he let go of you stumbling back. Your eyes widened feeling a strong contraction in your stomach. Tyler gasped, looking with fear at you. You coughed, a dark thick liquid spewing out of your mouth. Droplets hit Tyler on his shirt, making him move his arms up.

More dark liquid came out of your mouth as it stained your chin. You kept coughing it out as it kept coming. – “No!” – Tyler yelled out, catching you when you dropped down. The blackness kept coming out of you as you were slowly choking on it. – “No! no, no, no!” – he called out holding your body. Your chest spasmed as the black liquid sputtered out of your mouth. – “No! Please!” – Tyler panicked, his hand trembling as it tried to brush against your cheek.

He almost choked on his own tears watching you choke on the poison. It was clear to him she’d poisoned you. He wiped his tears away, getting up his feet as he carried you. – “Hold on Y/n!” – he made clear. – “I will not let you die on me!” – he started running back to the school, hoping he wouldn’t be too late for an antidote.

-------------------------------

Read more of my fics on my Masterlists! 

#imagine #fanfiction #fanfic #fic #wednsday addams #wednesday #netflix wednesday #tyler galpin fic #tyler galpin #tyler galpin x reader #tyler galpin x y/n #tyler galpin x you #tyler galpin x #misses thornhill #wednesday x sis #enid x reader #enid #tyler galpin imagines #imagine tyler galpin #imagine wednesday #wednesday imagines #wednesday fanfic #wednesday x you #tyler galpin fanfic #tyler galpin imagine #tyler galpin fanfiction #the addams family

[knickynoo]

Back to the Future: The Animated Series, s02ep02 “Put On Your Thinking Caps, Kids! It's Time For Mr. Wisdom!” Review and Commentary

Previous episodes linked here.

In this episode: Old college rivals, volcanoes, and game-show host Marty

Doc's transmission to us in this episode begins at the "Hill Valley Space Center and Air Sickness Clinic," where he's about to take a trip into outer space. The local cable company has recruited him to overhaul their communication satellite. Fancy job!

Doc is especially excited because the cable company has promised him free cable plus premium channels. He goes on to tell us that it isn't his first experience with broadcasting and leads us into the cartoon with, "It all started when Marty was studying for his astronomy class."

Let's see what wacky chain of events happened all because of Marty trying to study, shall we?

We open the cartoon with Marty riding his hoverboard to Doc's house. As usual, he isn't paying any attention to where he's going—on account of he's trying to study while he rides. He glances up just in time to realize that he's about to crash straight into Doc's garage door, which elicits this expression...

After flying into the garage, Doc shows him his new invention: M.A.R.I.E (Memory Archive Recall Indexer and Enhancer). It's a machine that helps the user to recall any memory.

Doc demonstrates, putting on a helmet and proceeding to look like he's being electrocuted. There's lots of zapping and flashing and thrashing, which happens so quickly that you can't really fully appreciate all the faces Doc makes unless you continuously go back through the scene and pause it. Which is what I did. Here are some highlights.

Ridiculous.

Marty needs help studying for his science test. Doc won't give him any answers, but he does tell Marty he's free to use the library in the house. However, I have a sneaking suspicion that Marty will end up using this new machine to enhance his memory. Hmm...

We go check in on Verne then, who is tuning in for his favorite show, Mr. Wisdom. Jules, who is also in the room, voices his disapproval of both Verne sitting so close to the TV and Mr. Wisdom, who he says is a "phony." Verne doesn't care, though, and becomes overjoyed when he learns that Mr. Wisdom is traveling around on his bus and will be visiting Hill Valley the following day. Marty says he wants to go too since he'd rather ask Mr. Wisdom his science questions instead of actually looking through books for the answers.

Doc enters the room and freaks out at seeing Mr. Wisdom on the screen, but we don't get a reason as to why.

The next day, Marty and Verne venture over to Lone Pine Mall to meet Mr. Wisdom. Marty is less than impressed when Mr. Wisdom appears on stage for all of 10 seconds before directing the audience full of children to the gift shop and then literally vanishing in a flash of smoke and light??

We soon learn that Mr. Wisdom isn't the fun, goofy show host that he appears to be. Back on his bus, he's calculating how much money he's gotten out of "those little twerps." A small child finds his way onto the bus to ask for an autograph, and Mr. Wisdom opens A TRAP DOOR that the kid falls into. He is not a nice guy. This is him, btw. (in his Mr. Wisdom form, at least. It's revealed that this is a mask he puts on)

Yeah, that looks like a guy who would use trapdoors to make children disappear.

Verne talks Marty into going onto the bus to meet Mr. Wisdom, where the man soon learns who Verne's father is. "Emmett Lathrop Brown?!" he exclaims, to which Marty reacts with amusement at learning Doc's middle name. (do you really expect me to believe that Marty wouldn't have known this already??)

Anyway, if there are two good things the animated series gave us, it's Doc and Marty's middle names. This also makes me think of that strange little "theory" that's been floating around since forever that claims Doc's first and middle names read backward is "time portal." Ttemme Porhtal. I mean. Lathrop could for sure be read as "portal" but it's a stretch with Emmett. Though, "time" spelled backward can be read as "emit."

I digress...

Mr. Wisdom says that Emmett is his dearest old friend and suggests he go home with the boys to surprise him. Let's see how that goes.

After being left alone in the garage, Mr. Wisdom does some snooping around and takes a look at some of Doc's inventions. He's particularly intrigued when he finds the DeLorean, saying, "Could it be? His old college dream? Oh, not a flux capacitor!" And I take issue with this line because didn't Doc only come up with the flux capacitor that night he hit his head? This cartoon just does whatever it wants, though, so I shouldn't be surprised.

Doc isn't happy in the slightest to find his old college acquaintance in his house and runs him right out. When Marty and Verne question what the problem is, Doc tells them the story involves a long flashback, which we then go into. It all starts at the college Doc attended.

What a great name for a college.

Doc and Mr. Wisdom, whose real name is Walter, were roommates and frat brothers apparently. Here they are in happier times:

They're preparing for a science convention, and it becomes clear right away that Walter is jealous of Doc's inventions and his intelligence. When the day of the award ceremony comes, Walter wins after having stolen Doc's invention—the perpetual motion hula hoop. From there, Walter went on to sign a deal with a toy company, became wealthy, and was given his own science show. Doc finishes telling his tale with tears in his eyes (he's cutting onions while he tells it, lol).

Later that night, Walter Wisdom sneaks into Doc's lab to steal some of his inventions. Doc, Jules, and Verne wake up just in time to see the DeLorean speed off, and they manage to get a look at the date and location on the time circuits by using a specialized camera. His destination is ancient Egypt. Doc gathers the boys (including Marty, who had still been at the house trying to study) and they take off after Walter. Their excursion to Egypt lasts all of 30 seconds, though, as Walter changes course and programs the car to go to Krakatoa in 1883. Doc shoots out a rope and plunger-type device from the train that connects to the DeLorean, so they get pulled right along to the next time period. Once there, Walter flies the car over a volcano and cuts the rope, sending the train hurtling toward doom.

The train is immediately swallowed by lava. Goodbye Doc, Marty, Jules, and Verne. It's been real.

Meanwhile, back in the present day, Clara has woken up and is wondering where everyone is. She catches a broadcast that Mr. Wisdom is doing where he's advertising his new invention: a DeLorean time machine. Thankfully, his evil plans are crushed before anything can come of his little late-night commercial when Doc and the gang walk onto his stage. Yes, they're alive! And they look like this!

Doc just happened to have several of his "full-body oven mitts" on board the train, which protected them all from the lava. (I would very much like to know why Doc didn't just invent. Like. Regular looking suits that protect against fire. In what world is this a practical design? But it is very funny.)

Things continue to get even wackier when—after Walter and Doc argue for a bit over who's the "real" inventor—Marty proposes they settle it via an impromptu game show. ???? I guess to prove to the audience watching at home that Walter is a liar and thief?

So. Yeah, they throw together a whole elaborate game show with lights and flashing signs and such. They bring out each of the inventions Walter has stolen and challenge him to explain them, and when he can't, the points go to Doc. Marty's the host. It's all extremely silly.

I do like that Doc and his sons have matching pajamas. (But I must point out that only Doc was wearing them when they embarked on their journey in the train a few scenes prior. Jules had on a beige colored night-shirt, and Verne was wearing red pjs. So...this seems like an error. Which is par for the course for this show; there are SO many mistakes that I catch.)

The game show shenanigans come to an end when Walter attempts to use M.A.R.I.E. and fails to use the correct settings, causing him to have his memory wiped. Doc and the boys head home, and all is well.

We end the episode with Doc in outer space, where he's busy fixing the satellite. There isn't much interesting there, though. And that's it! Not a fan of this episode, to be honest. It was VERY disjointed, and all the action was rushed. It felt more like this should have been a two-parter, and they just squeezed everything into a single episode where the end chase scene and weird game show was made to fit into like...3 minutes total toward the end. We don't even get to see the volcano stuff. We just see the car fly into it, then it's a swift cut to the Mr. Wisdom TV segment, where Doc and the boys appear a few seconds later wearing the oven mitts. This might have had the potential to be an interesting episode if it had been split in two, and we got to see more chaos unfold.

After the last episode where Doc was put into that tiny jar, I just don't think anything else this show does will satisfy me.

Join me next time to meet Biff's son, Jennifer's grandparents, and. I dunno. The Futurepedia summary for it is long and convoluted, and I don't want to read it, lol.

#back to the future #bttf #bttf: the animated series #obligatory apology for if the set of 4 screencaps of Doc get messed up and put in an ugly vertical stack #i have no confidence that tumblr has fixed that bug yet (it's been MONTHS helppp)

[utenthy]

ive never so much as watched a five second clip of naruto but your wonderful artstyle and way with words has managed to make me intrigued about this lavender marriage. you have a method of expressing your thoughts that makes me care about whatever youre posting about

OHHH THIS IS SO KIND THANK YOU ❤️❤️❤️❤️ here let me give you a crash course on the actual canon events that inform my feelings on their marriage

1. as children sakura is obsessed with sasuke and he does not return her feelings. sasuke is top of the class and he never fails. sakura hears a rumor that sasuke likes girls with long hair and grows her hair long. when she finds out her best friend is also pursuing him they end their friendship.

2. they are put on the same team in school to sakura’s delight. sasuke ignores her, doesn’t care either way. he doesn’t think very highly of her. she continues to idolize him, follow in his footsteps. she doesn’t like naruto, who is also on their team, and has a crush on her. she makes fun of him and says he must act so strange because he has no family and he wasn’t raised to know how to be normal. sasuke definitely grows to dislike her as a result of this.

3. they work together because they have to. maybe they’re starting to almost become friends. in the forest of death, orochimaru attacks the two of them. sakura watches sasuke fail for the first time. he is terrified. she tries to encourage him to be brave and follow through. he refuses. orochimaru wins and infects sasuke. sasuke’s body contorts and changes and he becomes very powerful and won’t speak to her. in her defense, he breaks someone’s arms while she begs him to stop. she thinks about how much weaker than her two friends she has become and that she doesn’t want to be left behind. the culmination of this conflict results in sakura cutting her long hair off to escape.

4. sakura tends to sasuke in the hospital. he knocks trays of food and medicine out of her hand. she is having flashbacks from the forest. she wants to tell somebody what she knows but she is too afraid. every time they are together she is remembering this moment with orochimaru. and he is losing more and more of himself.

5. sasuke leaves the village to pursue his revenge. she follows him to edge of town and begs him to stay. he dismisses her until the final moment when he tells her thank you before knocking her out.

6. sakura begs naruto to bring sasuke home. he is not successful. when he returns, wounded, she tells him that in the future, she will catch up to the two of them. and she will help him bring sasuke home.

7. tldr three years pass where they are all separated and sasuke does various criminal acts and becomes a war criminal in the eyes of the village

8. when the village decides they want to execute him, they ask sakura for her blessing. she takes it one step further and says she wants to be the one now to kill him. she prepares to kill him. she tells naruto to let sasuke go. she lies and tells naruto she loves him now, and she wants to be with him so he shouldn’t be worried about sasuke at all. he says he hates people who lie to themselves. he has a panic attack as sakura goes to try and kill sasuke.

9. they try to kill each other. neither succeed

10. sasuke has a new friend who is in love with him and that is karin. sakura meets her during the same conflict that sasuke uses her as a hostage and allows her to be almost killed. when sasuke allows her to be hurt sakura freaks out. sasuke says she doesn’t matter and he doesn’t care. sakura heals her, crying on her face, head hung low. this is what will become of her.

11. they separate again. they see each other again during the war. sakura smiles and says she is happy he is home. sai states that he “knows this smile is false.” they fight together but he continually refuses to acknowledge her. later, he tries to kill her again. she loves him. he says there is no reason for him to love her.

12. the war is over. sasuke is the last of his people. his crimes have not been forgiven. he serves time in jail. when he is released he tells everyone he is going to wander the world in search of redemption. sakura asks to come. he refuses. he taps her on the forehead in the way his family would do with one another as a show of affection.

13. off screen, at some point, sakura and karin travel with him together. during this trip sakura becomes pregnant and karin delivers their baby.

14. in the future, they are married in name. only sakura wears his family crest. he has not been home in many, many, many years. he visits naruto. but sakura has not seen him. his daughter does not know his face. when he sees his daughter for the first time in ten years, he draws his sword, not knowing her. sakura asks him for a kiss. he walks away. his daughter asks if he had ever kissed sakura. she says nothing. she asks what makes the two of them connected. because we have you, is what they say.

#tldr sasuke never once shows romantic love for sakura but they are married and they do have a child #And do seem to have a few moments of friendship/familial bond #I think ultimately sakura has romantic feelings for him but he does not return them but understands the function of their marriage in name #naruto #sasusaku

[princeofcyberpunk]

PSA to XY enjoyers - Pokemon Y Crashing

Yo! so I started a replay of Pokemon Y yesterday, but it was verrry different this time. I've replayed this cartridge at least 10 different times if not more over the course of about 8 years and take very good care of my games. I have run into zero problems in the past. It is an authentic, bought new from Nintendo (I believe it was purchased from Target? if thats at all relevant) and has never been modded or hacked. It's just a normal cartridge lol. I play using a New Nintendo 3DS XL

However, when I started this new save up (i wiped a half-played save file from 2022) up it suddenly wouldn't let me past the language selection and would crash before getting to Sycamore's cutscene where you choose your character. I tried multiple times and it wouldn't do anything.

Solution to that: I updated my system and it let me past the language selection with no issues. I had a habit of clicking the "no" option whenever prompted with a 3DS system update for years no so ig thats my karma lmao.

I've noticed after this that the frame rate is a lotttt lower. Normally the only Pokemon game that lags at all for me is my copy of Ultra Moon, which is common for that title because of how much stuff is on it (genuinely have no idea how they fit all of that onto the 3DS) but the frame rate of battles and some areas (like route 3) are significantly worse and i've even noticed some pop-in with some NPCs which has never happened to me on a 3DS game before lol

However, once so far in my playthrough it has crashed. Basically I tried backtracking out of Glittering Cave after the first two grunt fights so I could heal and take on the double battle you do with your rival. So i went out of the cave and ran into those shadows that give you a wild encounter and the second I did the game crashed.

No idea what happened there but it's worth mentioning.

So I looked online elsewhere (reddit, pokemon forums etc) and a lot of people are aparently having this issue and judging by the date a lot of those people posted about it on, it started occurring right after I played it last (2022)

So yeah. basically if your Pokemon X/Y game isn't working past language selection, try updating your 3DS.

And if it's still crashing occasionally (like mine did and maybe will in the future) keep an eye on it. I'll most likely take it to my favorite game shop for a repair if this persists enough for it to become a problem (because if it just crashes occasionally then I'm just going to chalk it up to the game just being old). I encourage you to do the same if this issue crops up for you too! Retro game shop people are always really nice in my experiences so give it a shot :D

I'm mostly putting this out here because I know a lot of people are going to want to replay/play these since Z-A are going to come out. And I didn't want anyone to freak out about it (like i did. lol.)

#princeposting #pokemon #gamefreak #pokemon x and y #pokemon xy #nintendo #nintendo 3ds #troubleshooting #3DS #game bugs #kalos #gen 6 #pokemon x #pokemon y #also in my research i saw that this is even more common w/ oras so keep an eye on those too if you have em #i will because i've had my omega ruby since 2018 and i still havent beaten it so uh. i dont want it to become potentially faulty #before i can finally beat stevens stupid metagross (i hate that thing grrrgrrr)

[sneakerguybln]

It's the day after England crashed out of the World Cup. The 19 year old chav lad Dave made a bet that England will win the World Cup after they won their first group match. 'This time it's coming home' he yelled after the final whistle of Englands first match. He watched the game with his five closest friends and his (dizygotic) twin brother. 'If they are fucking losers I'll do a half year without sex... fuck off: one year. You can lock me in a damn fucking chastity device of one year if they lose' he said. His friends said if England win he can send them buying some clothing stuff he wishes. They even wrote it down and signed it.

Obviously he lost his bet. Now he has to pay the price. He had forgotten the bet. As he woke up in the morning he found himself in a WhatsApp group "Virgin Dave". He tried to convince his friends that it was just a joke. But they had his signature. They threatened to post this contract to other friends and to their gym friends and call him "pussy Dave" because he tried to duck out. Finally he consentend. They said that they'll come to his house at noon and they'll do a ceremony. After they sent a picture of the chastity device Dave drank the rest of the Vodka they had the evening before. His brother took this picture and said: 'Drink more maybe it's easier to accept.'

Exactly at noon the doorbell rang and Dave's brother opened the door. Their five friends came in. They escorted Dave into his room and tied him spread-eagled to his bed. After they pulled down his pants his best friend Lewis said: 'This pig isn't shaved.' He took a latex glove and Dave's trimmer and removed his pubic hair. After that he got a clean shave. Dave had a boner since they tied him to his bed and they mocked him for that. Dave didn't say anything. He let them do what they want to do. He was happy that nobody is filming this shit. As they had dried his crotch with a towel they oiled his balls.

Then his brother - this evil freak of brother - opened the box of the device and placed the device on Dave's mouth. 'Next time England is playing you better be more humble bro' he said. Dave refused to react. Then Lewis said imitating a man who unroll a paper in the air: 'Hereby, we, the six wise men of football knowledge found you guilty of the crime of stupidity. We sentence you to a maximum of 12 months in chastity. You can reduce your sentence to a minimum of 9 months by going every second week to the Corporal Punishment party in the gay fetish club two corners away. I don't remember its name.' All laughed - even Dave in his situation - as they know that Lewis is often there. 'Order!' he yelled while his hand made a sweeping gesture. He continued: 'For each Corporal Punishment party his sentence will be reduced by one week. But if he misses one of the parties his sentence will go back to the full 12 months. This installment of the punishment device will be executed by the convict's brother Danny. The convict is entitled to cleaning every 20th day. If it isn't possible he has to beg for an alternative time at least 5 days ahead. If he ever misses one cleaning day he has to wait 10 more days for another chance. Did you understand the sentence, convict, and do you accept it?' - Dave said: 'Yes, you godless bastards.' - 'For unruly behaviour we increase the minimum sentence to 10 months' Lewis said. 'Danny, please execute the sentence!' Dave's boner was rock hard.

Danny put on latex gloves and fumbled the balls through the ring, than the dick. Then he pressed the cage on his brother's cock and locked the device. He gave the keys to Lewis. 'On cleaning day you'll visit one of us. We tell you beforehand who will clean you. You'll bring a pair of handcuffs and fresh latex gloves with you. When you arrive you'll beg to be cleaned. You follow the one of us to the bathroom. You pull down your pants, hand over the keys to the handcuff and cuff yourself on the back. After the procedure your handcuffs will be unlocked. As we'll wear gloves no human skin will touch your dick in entirety for at least 10 months. If you try to trick us we'll embarrass you everywhere as we recorded this day with a hidden camera' Lewis's brother Tom said.

They untied him and went in the living room Dave's family's house. Walking down the stairs Dave felt the heaviness of the chastity device. He decided to accept it and to talk to his friends after two or three months to get his punishment finished immediately. He didn't know that they planned to let him suffer for the entire time. He even went to the fetish club and got the corporal punishments. But the 7th punishment was so heavy he pulled out and said he couldn't stand two more which would have been neccessary to get the last two months of his sentence cancelled. He didn't know that his friends paid a guy who is doing this often and know how to use the cane to inflict as much pain as possible.

Even next summer they were cold-hearted as the seven guys planned to travel to Ibiza. They told him that they'll have a key with them to unlock before security. After they had checked in their checked baggage Lewis told him that the key was accidentally in the checked luggage after he had pretended to have searched it in the hand luggage. Dave had to chose: going home or through security. He did the latter thing. The metal detector set off and he had to undergo a second control in a private room. He told the security staff that he has got some unremovable jewellery attached to his body. He had to show. One security officer laughed: 'That isn't jewellery, mate. That's a chastity device. Who did this to you?' - 'England, mate. It was England crashing out of the World Cup against France.'

They sent him to his friends who already had finished their first pint at Gatwick's Wetherspoon's. As he had found them his brother said: 'I totally forgot something. I had the key.' Dave ordered a Scotch and a pint. He decided for himself that he won't ask them to unlock him for flying home. He won't let them mock him again. Later he realized that this was the moment he accepted chastity. After their vacation he searched a Domme and found one. She took over the keys and started to train him to be her and her husbands sex toy. Shortly after meeting his Domme she started to pressure him to get a vasectomy. After a few months he agreed and had it done on his 21st birthday. After everything was healed she invited his brother and friends to their house. Dave was again spread-eagled on his bed. She told everyone that Dave had undergone s vasectomy to bring a sacrifice for earning permanent slavery - he made it a secret. Danny and the other guys were stunned. But the next thing stunned them more. 'Mistress' Dave said 'please make my chastity permanent.' - 'As you brought a huge sacrifice for me I'll grant you this wish, slave.' She broke one key in the lock and sealed it with industrial glue. 'It will only come off by destroying it' she said. Dave smiled.

[shifuto]

(the dvd ending extra yay \o/)

some closing thoughts after this 2-months long adventure revisiting Yugioh 5D's..

I feel like I finally could enjoy this show as it's supposed to be enjoyed and it probably has to do with the fact that I'm more mature now (also finally able to get the full hd experience 🤣) and there's a fun thing about having a dogshit working memory: to be able to experience this show almost as if it was the first time again 😊 I can't recall when was the last time I watched it but it was probably close to 8-10 years ago 🤣

some loathed characters became favorites - I was avoiding this show like the plague because Jack Atlas was just......... so bad for past me 🤣🤣🤣 - well it turns out his peacock personality and overpowering sex appeal worked on me 🙄 Thanks I hate it 🤣💜

some characters I paid no attention before became favorites, too: Rex Godwin have my whole heart and I am so sad he died.. man why do my favorites always die huh huh???? 😭 get me out of here with this shit......... also, Rua (Lua) is the sweetest little guy and I was so damn excited for him because he's just so goddamn cool?!??1 Wtf!! Also most the "villains" since I'm built different and villains are my weak spot 🤣

my favorites are still my favorites so it was a delight to go back to them and love them even more, and see them in a different way than before

and man....... the freaking shipping that was going on inside of my brain LMFAO AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

guess the most surprising thing though?

Bruno/Antinomy!

have to confess I did not remember him much so I kind of went on blind and, fuck me, he became one of my favs and do I even risk to say he IS my favorite character in this show?!!?? I could talk about this and about him for days but the long story short is that he checked all the boxes for me and pressed all the right buttons too and then he died too because of fucking course he died and I cried like fuck my life dude. That was so devastating... definitely want to give this show another go soon just so I can watch Bruno again. We have never had another character as cool and interesting as him in the franchise

as is tradition in YGOs, 5Ds started getting much better by the end, but it was very solid all over (except that arc full of fillers, it was annoying as hell because the episodes were not good), Crash Town was fun, and the last two arcs (WRGP and Ark Cradle) were very good

overall.. I think I'd bump 5Ds all the way up, becoming my second favorite YGO (guess it was in 4th place before?), because Zexal takes the podium FOR NOW, we'll see when I rewatch it and just how that will go XD

because we don't gatekeep on this house, you can find mkv+soft subs at nyaa dot si (best quality you'll get, but the files are fucking massive), and streaming at 123anime dot info (you can download there too, but it's mp4+hard subs). Both have all YGO series and a few other things too yay \o/

#5ds2023 #shif writes