#do not let me live alone | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ssshh-im-a-secret · 4 months

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I've realized I cannot be left to my own devices. Because I would be that dumb bitch to act on my impulsive thoughts when there's no one there to stop me.

I would probably buy a plane ticket to a random destination with no planning and not think about it, or randomly decide to roadtrip across state lines for no goddamn reason, or get a piercing or tattoo, impulsively.

Because I have very little impulse control. It's better when my friends are there, but not by much.

So I have come to a very serious conclusion:

.

Never let me live alone.

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s0fter-sin · 1 month

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something happening on a mission, something personal that has soap spiralling; panic and rage making him reckless, thoughtless, and ghost has to draw the line

“you’re compromised johnny; you know what that means?”

“you’re not pulling me out,” soap immediately snarls. he turns on him and ghost barely recognises him; venomous fear turning his eyes to unyielding ice. "you're not sidelining me; i need to be in this-!"

but ghost has never been afraid of venom; spat or dripped straight from bared fangs.

he snakes out a hand grip the back of his neck, jerking him in a rough shake. "if you can't think, you can't be a soldier," he growls and he flinches like he's been struck.

his lips quiver as they twist in a sneer and he wrenches, trying to free himself of his hold.

ghost doesn't let him.

"it means you give your body to me because your head ain't fucking attached to it anymore."

soap stills, body trembling beneath his hand as he sucks in shaking breaths.

he tightens his grip, pulling him closer and digs his forehead hard into his. “it means you give yourself to me so i can have the weapon that you are and use you the way you're meant to be used."

the ice in soap's eyes fractures.

ghost’s voice drops to a whisper, spoken only to johnny, not this facade of vengeance and pain, and wills it to reach him through the glaciers.

“so i can keep you safe ‘til it’s done and i can bring you back.”

#in my head its bc graves abducts his sister and is using her as hostage to draw him out knowing ghost will always follow him #but the intensity and intimacy of saying ‘you cant trust your mind not to betray you so let me be in charge of your body until you can’#after what happened to tommy he could never deny johnny his right to save his sister #but its bc of what happened to tommy that he knows he cant let him do it alone with only his rage to guide him #hes more likely to get himself killed and ghost wont live through that #so he has to balance it #and the only way he knows how is to completely shut down soap’s mind until hes no more than instinct and muscle memory #if he cant think practically then dont let him think at all #reduce him to a place where he can only follow orders #and when its finally over and his sister is safe and graves is dead #only then will he drag johnny back up to the surface #he’ll do it even if it means dragging him kicking and screaming back to humanity #instead of letting him sink in the depths where nothing hurts. theres no fear down there. no pain. only order #and thats the risk ghost took sending johnny to that place but he only did it bc he would stop at nothing to bring him back #and help him through the after #the breakdown. the rush of panic and rage and relief and anguish johnnys been supressing on his order #it was his word that turned johnny into a ghost #and its his touch that brings him back to the man #coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt #we’re a team. ghost team #cod #soapghost #ghostsoap #ghost x soap #ghoap #simon ghost riley #ghost cod #john soap mactavish #soap cod

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beybuniki · 3 months

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the batman piece is tagged with quirkless au now, i try to tag my specific "aus" etc if there's lore :) the lore is rarely explicitly in the sketches but i DO like to imply it and some sketches have the same context idk if i make sense

#anyway deku is quirkless in this oneeee #bakugo has his quirk and they both go to UA but deku is in a difference course i think he should be with mei i think they should be besties #and similarly to the batman kids deku is just very clever and can fighttttt #and they befriend each other or like deku wont leave bakugo alone he can smell his nerdiness #and they become friends live laugh love!!!!!!!!!!!#deku still has some ties to all might let me think about it #im not even doing anything with this au i just like to think about the expositionnnnnn #quirkless au

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the-force-awakens · 2 months

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Still not used to this life or death situation stuff. That's good, 'cause I'm not either. You never get used to it.

#swedit #starwarsedit #starwarsblr #star wars #poe dameron #flashing gif #nym.gifs #thinking about how in the stuff pre tfa he just. he wants to be a /pilot/ he wants to be a /soldier/ because he doesn't want to have to #carry the burden of the moral calls and the weight of so many people's lives in his hands #especially when strategies go /wrong/#'point me at the bad guys and let me do my thing'#he works alone SO often.#and there's something so genuinely tragic that poe's just. /so/ good at what he does that he ends up catapulting himself into the position #that. he didn't want.#and the thing that /pushed/ him into joining the resistance to prevent from happening again (losing someone he cares about under his #command /keeps/ happening). and worse he ends up in these positions where he /could/ blame himself for things that /aren't/ his call.#like u know he's got to feel responsible for the village on some level not to mention fuckin /kijimi/#it was /his/ idea to go there #the world should've protected you. instead you've been chosen to protect it.#what an honor. what an injustice.#not all of these fit this theme but mostly i just wanted to focus on his reaction/responses to some of the bigger tragedies in the trilogy #and tbh there's also. plenty more shots.

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fixfoxnox · 13 days

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This is why I'm not the biggest fan of the Price is the dad of the 141 headcanons, because what people fail to understand is that the person on the leash is actually Price

#john “let me set off a nuke to help the war effort” Price #john “lets kidnap his wife and son” price #john “yeah i can sneak into this base alone” price #you don't understand Laswell still smokes because of him!#soap doesn't really do anything chaotic in the games #meanwhile Price every two seconds is doing something else insane and dragging gaz into it with him #ghost and soap: normal military mission #price and gaz: fighting for their fucking lives because Price decided they could take on a whole base of men by themselves #thoughts with luke #captain john price #call of duty #john price #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #kyle gaz garrick #task force 141

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mozzaremi · 18 days

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duckyfann9871 · 8 days

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I want to be a vampire too: rant

played 2 routes of ikemen vampire so far. I love the game, but both times I have wished that there was an option to join them as a vampire at the end.

I don't understand why becoming a vampire is posed so negatively in the game, but whenever it comes up in the routes it's coded like it's a terrible option that MC doesn't want to do.

Well, au contraire! If I had a chance to become a sexy vampire in a mansion full of other sexy vampires I would take it ... especially if the person I was in love with was also a vampire. If both are vampires doesn't that mean more time you get to be together??

TLDR I want to become a vampire at the end of my romance and I haven't had my way yet,

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nuppu-nuppu · 11 months

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Ignore if you don’t want to read about me being stupid once again

#pls dont read if you cant handle venting and whining #once again i am here to say that i am the loneliest person alive and i feel like i can’t grasp the basic consept of friendship and do it lol #like idk how to be friends #i feel like i will forever be sad and lonely #and i know everyone will say you can talk to me and i know that but i’ve just been by myself for so long that i don’t remember how to have #actual conversations with people i feel like i am disconnected from reality #i feel like i am an extremely unlikeable person and that’s why i was all alone in highschool and idk i am oversharing on the internet again #because it’s the only place i kind of feel safe doing it #pls take care of yourselves first before comfoting me or anything im sorry i sound very pathetic #how do i start living again #how does one live anyway #im just in my head all the time #this was supposed to be hot girl summer but it’s once again summertime sadness #im so stupid!!!#im so anxious and depressed that i dont know what to do with myself #im so sorry for oversharing i have a therapist dont worry im kind of taking care of myself #but the eternal loneliness just wont let me go #idk how to be a person anymore #i’m just sad #thinking of going to a church and pretend to be a believer so i could have a community again lol

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clown-owo · 9 months

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questions...

#good omens spoilers #gos2spoilers #good omens season 2 #good omens #goodomensedit #crowley #gifs #og post #was skimming through all of good omens s2 for muriel screenshots (want to study face. want to draw)#and i was reminded of how crowley phrases his comment to muriel #and i felt like a lightbulb went off in me brain #like i don't think its necessarily intentional or means anything but #crowley encouraging muriel 2 ask questions. that questions are okay.#the same fucking thing that got him thrown outta heaven #(also it got me rotating a post by @bemusedlybespectacled in me brain once more about angels being in an environment that cultivates #their gullibility. because questions = bad. i just rbed it again)#anyway all these gifsets are just the product of me being inordinately obsessed with a live action media and also suffering from art block #like drawing fanart of real guys is hard let alone when i can barely draw fake guys #anyway #im trying. i have ideas. i just have to. do it

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incorrect-ikevamp-quotes · 7 months

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Oh we are so BACK

When I tell you I saw this and died. HELLO?????

I keep hiding my face lahshjsdhjgfsaf HE HAS NO RIGHT. NO RIGHT AT ALL BEING THAT SEXILY INTENSE AAAAAAAAAAA

Anyway, I should probably try to make some attempt at describing the event since. If I don't I'll just be barking/crying/hiding my face for the next twelve hours.

Basically--and I'm not sure this is going to be across the board, but it held true for Napoleon and Sebastian at least--each suitor has a birthday event this year instead of a separate story. Comte's won't be released until tomorrow, but they have posted a preview.

From what I gather, he talks a little bit about himself and reveals parts of his past that haven't come to light in the game yet. There wasn't really enough to convey a coherent narrative beyond attending a party, but the line displayed here does get across the larger theme:

Comte: (I don't need momentary pleasure or ephemeral affection any longer. Now that I know love, there's nothing but you.)

He talks about how the aristocracy have thrown parties and extravagant celebrations for his birthday for most of his life. But none of it has ever really made him happy, largely because he knows that they are attempts to strengthen and broadcast power relations within high society. While I don't think he means it's entirely devoid of well wishes, I do think he sees it as a nexus of influence--and thus, by nature, impersonal. And honestly, I don't think he's wrong about that; the higher the echelon in social standing, the more it requires performance to maintain the position.

That being said, there is a fascinating flashback where he remembers a pureblood telling him about how falling in love with a human is an experience of another caliber entirely. My understanding is that Comte was still a fairly young vampire at the time, so he didn't really understand what the person was getting at. It seems like the other pureblood was trying to convey the difference in feeling, perhaps the fact that humans are more grounded in accordance with how they live--the reality and necessity of change.

After reading this--and the recent 5th bday story--I can absolutely see how change is something Comte has a complicated relationship with. He's known a certain way of life for so long, has constructed a sensibility of distant, rational maturity. After all the heartbreak of his youth, and two very acute traumatic events in his life, I can see why he'd be so afraid of broaching any kind of proximity with another person. Because on some level it's so much easier not to put your feelings on the line, to never have to fear devastating loss. And that's to say nothing of the worry of being unable to measure up on behalf of another person, of letting them down.

I'm so excited to see the rest of the contents, but something about the preview made me equal parts giddy and enamored (all I do is kick my feet with excitement LOL). I think what gets to me with Comte is that he truly does love companionship as a place to rest, a place where he can be honest about himself and his feelings without fear of ridicule (and the same goes for MC). In a world increasingly obsessed with surface level performances of power, status, and emotion, it's hard not to feel his exhaustion to the core.

Also, because these lines at the end more or less destroyed me in the best possible way:

MC: ...The you who had nowhere to belong no longer exists. In much the same way...Abel, I belong to you. Comte: ... Comte: I wish I could say to myself all those years ago, the me who kept indulging in such paltry things. Comte: Until you meet MC, you will never know love... The warmth of MC in my arms filled me with such joy I was near tears. (I don't need momentary pleasure or ephemeral affection any longer. Now that I know love, there's nothing but you.) The moment my lips found hers, the sweetness lit a fire deep in my body. Comte: These cute lips that melt against mine, the heat of your skin, the love that envelops me in your embrace--always leaves me so deeply in love with you.

#ikevamp #ikemen vampire #ikevamp comte #ikevamp saint germain #ikevamp spoilers #LETS GO ABEL UNPACKING ALL THOSE COPING MECHANISMS #**pats the couch next to me** CONFIDE IN ME #but in all seriousness i really do love how raw his relief and happiness feels #to have spent all of those years trying to subsist on emotional crumbs and numbing himself #and mc is so real for just gathering him in her arms and holding him tight QUEEN MOOD!!!!#i really really really love that general recurrence in his stories too #of how he always feels so isolated and out of place even when he's surrounded by people #yet all it takes is mc saying 'you belong to me--just as I belong to you. you're never truly alone :>'#to make him both overjoyed but also unhinged with so much love for her--to feel alive #also man........MAN.....#him looking back at who he used to be vs who he is now #im so caught between memeing like 'you know what that is? growth!'#but also lowkey weeping from the fact that he feels loved enough to look back and fully admit it wasn't quite happiness #that he was just surviving the only way he knew how--not really living #ABEL THE THINGS YOU DO TO ME #CMERE LOVER BOY #comte propaganda #fangdad propaganda #baguettosaurus #literally october was always my favorite month but its even better now that it just becomes a comte-loving festival for me #truly all the joys of monsterfking all tg

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somecunttookmyurl · 1 year

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all the while society conflates "being an adult" with "having a proper job" and "having money to make arbitrary Adult Purchases" disabled people who can't work - or can only work part time or can only do entry level baby jobs - will never be 'allowed' to be adults

you can say "being an adult is looking after yourself you don't have to have a job!!!" all you want but most people who say that will still assume anybody who doesn't either can't or won't 'look after themselves' actually. and every 'marker' of 'adulthood' that's observable and thus actually counts or whatever loops back around to... having a job and 'contributing' something

#yeah i have netflix on all day #i am quite literally signed off of work for the -rest of my life-#what the fuck else would you like me to do with my time when most people are in fact at work #or did you think i can't have the tv on and put laundry away at the same time or something #must i work on commissions on silence in a dour room to be perceived as an adult #anyway 'looking after yourself/your home/your pet' is not observable #to anybody who doesn't like ACTUALLY live in your house #unless you are extremely obviously NOT doing it #if a tree falls in a forest etc #owning a house? job. like not even 'in this economy? lol'#disabled people LITERALLY can't because we aren't allowed to have enough savings for a deposit #car? would you honestly trust me with a vehicle lol but also: job #you mostly cannot buy a car without one it's a requirement for the lease #otherwise you aren't 'trusted' to pay it on time #incidentally most landlords will also - perfectly legally - refuse to rent to you because you are going to be unreliable with the rent #which is being paid directly by the gov anyway like take your trust issues up with them bro #a family? if i get married or cohabit with a partner my income gets sliced in half #so to support even myself let alone a child would require. drumroll please. employment #savings? adults have savings right? yeah but unlike you i have a gov enforced cap on mine #'good furniture not shit from ikea' (someone has remarked that ikea furniture is 'college dorm-y' it's going here)#i mean do i have to say it

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 7 months

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the high prices of fucking Everything is so exhausting i stg

#i need to take an uber to the vet TEN MINUTES AWAY #i repeat IT IS A TEN MINUTE DRIVE #and its gonna cost me nearly 60 bucks. the FUCK #and who knows how much the checkup for my cats is gonna cost #let alone whatever prescription they need for the long drive #im so tired. im so so tired #its moments like these where i can see my future #ah yes. working 9-5 for a company that sees me as nothing more than a tool to be replaced when broken #just barely scraping by on minimum wage in a world where that isnt enough to pay for essentials #left with no time or energy to actually enjoy being alive or do the things i love #years and years of the same exact shit over and over and over again hating every second #and KNOWING it could be so much better but also knowing that it fucking Cant. sigh #sorry sorry im just. angry again at the absolute state of things #i would love to love life but my fucking god the world at large makes it tough #white-knuckling the little things once again #man its just. its so STUPID lmao #like why are we torturing ourselves like this? why are we just Accepting this #life could be so great but stupid shit like taxes and inflation and utilities exist #most of the shit we have to pay for should be free. it should be free.#it shouldnt be difficult to Live just because the majority of us don't have the fake fucking paper to buy things #its pointless its ridiculous and it makes me furious #why should i kill myself just to survive huh. why should i. why should any of us.#we all deserve to fuckin. idk enjoy sunsets and good food and art and each others' company.#instead everyone's stressing themselves to death over making rent and getting groceries and paying bills. fuck.#id love to be able to create art that Sells and open a shop or something #but also the thought of creating purposefully marketable art purely to make money fucking kills me inside #comms are one thing but... just... sighing sighing sighing. man idk #i just dont know. ill deal but everytime i manage to think positively reality comes in with a sledgehammer and now i want to go back to bed #the point is to live BUT YA CANT FUCKIN LIVE BC POINTLESS STUFF REIGNS SUPREME. WHO'S GONNA COMMIT ARSON W ME CMON LETS GO #this stupid fucking country and this stupid fucking government. i hate it here

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pennyserenade · 9 months

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dana scully you didn’t stand a chance and neither did i. this was one of the top ten romantic things i have ever seen in my entire life

#misc.#x files #i think about the sixth extinction i & ii: amor fati more than i should #bc i just wanted to kiss his forehead and put him to bed in it #that scene where diana said she wondered what fox was dreaming abt #and the csm said he was dreaming of what all men like him do: normalcy #the way he imagined an entire life with diana — the wedding and the babies and his sister living just down the street #with her own children #but at the end he was old and dying and alone and it was dana standing there #holding his hand telling him this wasn’t the end. that he couldn’t die. that she wouldn’t let him #that’s true love for fox: not a fantasy but someone who will remain real and constant and true even when it is hard #bc no one in his life ever was. dana won’t leave him. not in dreams. not in life. it makes me so 😭

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oatbugs · 1 month

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pls i need to provide updates

#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year #and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire #and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f #friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl #acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what #are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and #friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me!#LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after #everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to #invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me #i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother #and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids #so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo #any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷‍♀️#but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd #and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk #THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date #w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a #few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay #scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK #like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl #like is that even doable #but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much #.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us #god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x #but it would be soooo funny #I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed #popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x #i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like #its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe

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q-morning-crew · 9 months

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You know, I've been seeing a lot of posts about Wilbur coming back to the qsmp, and I'm conflicted.

Obviously, Wilbur coming back would be great in most aspects. It would be awesome to see him interacting with the lore, the new members and the new dynamics the server created.

The one problem I see with him coming back is, funny enough, also the main reason people want him to return so badly: tallulah.

Tallulah. His daughter. The reason Wilbur logged on more than twice and pretty much the only reason he is still semi present in the lore despite not having logged on for months.

On the surface, it seems like Wilbur returning would be great for tallulah, wouldn't it?

Wilbur has not logged on for months. Tallulah has been alive for over 100 days, and Wilbur has been there for 8 of them.*

Tallulah sees chayanne as her brother. She calls philza papa. She sleeps in the basement she and chayanne decorated every night, her bed next to his. She has her own projects with phil. She hangs out with him (or bad) practically every day.

Philza can recognize all of her mannerisms and quirks, he knows how to properly accommodate her, he can tell whenever her admin plays any character and whenever any other admin plays her.

If Wilbur came back, what would happen to all of that?

Would she return to her room in the tower? Would chayanne have to sleep alone in their Garden of Hope and Music? Would she have to start calling phil "abuelito" again, after getting used to calling him papa?

In addition, Wilbur doesn't know tallulah the way she is now. He doesn't know the island the way it is now.

One thing I've seen other people point out and still haunts me is: if Wilbur had returned for the election dinner, would he have recognised the fake tallulah as fake? It breaks my heart to say this, but... I don't think he would.

The only way I can see his return not completely disrupting tallulah's existing dynamics is if Wilbur moved in with phil and let her keep calling him papa. I doubt that would happen, but fingers crossed

*not counting appearance on other people's streams because I have no way to count that

#it probably won't happen but i can hope #phil has been adamant on not letting other people move in #and wil wouldn't step back and let phil take care of her #hes just not that type of roleplayer #wilbur inserts himself into a situation learns and adapts to it and then find a way to take center stage #im not faulting him for it it's just that he naturally dominates any scene he's in #my main issue is actually something i glossed over in the post #chayanne and tallulah #theyve been living together and sharing a room and being siblings for ages #and the idea of tallulah having to go back to her old room #and chayanne suddenly being alone in his room which now feels so much emptier #i can't handle it #it makes me not want wilbur back #which sucks because i do mostly want him back #wilbur soot #philza #tallulah #chayanne #qsmp #qsmp wilbur #qsmp phil #qsmp philza #qsmp tallulah #qsmp chayanne

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gjdraws · 2 years

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What do I want? Wasn't ever asked before

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