#dream has zero spice tolerance

[strange-august]

Tag Yourself as Energies my friends and I have

🐺 Werewolf Energy 🐺

Has an intimidating "tough guy" presence but is actually a big softie.

Has a contagious howl like laughter that they hate but everyone adores.

Less of a wolf kind of werewolf and more of a golden retriever kind of werewolf.

Actually insanely dog-like (IE: strong sense of hearing, taste, smell. Red-Green colorblind and wears glasses.)

Loves to cook but doesn't drain their ground beef. Says that's where all the flavor is and will not listen to reason.

Has a deep booming voice that you can hear from across the house. Even across an empty field on a good day.

Doesn't mind getting dirty and prefers hands-on types of jobs.

Laid back but has zero tolerance for bullshit.

Only truly scary when they're angry or frustrated which is rare from them.

Actually knows the phases of the moon by heart.

Aesthetic: Muddy clothes, Messy hair, Sun kissed skin, Piercing gaze, The roar of an engine, Oil stained hands, Leather jackets, Bacon and eggs in the morning, Hamburgers and fries from Mom and Pop shops, The full moon peeking out over the treeline, Audio books, Caramel flavored coffee, Driving with the radio full blast, Light growling, Thunderstorms, Lazy days, Tequila shots, Loud laughter

Theme Song: The Nights by Avicii

🐉 Dragon Energy 🐉

Like werewolf, they're more akin to a dragon from a kid's movie rather than a traditional dragon.

Major hoarder and has a spending problem. Most of their hoards consist of art supplies, crystals, candles, weird trivial objects they find on the street, stuffed animals, DnD dice, lighters, knives, etc.

Able to romantize and find the beauty in even the most mundane of activities like a trip to the grocery store, a boring car ride or doing laundry.

Sleeps in a "nest" of blankets, pillows and stuffed animals with the A/C full blast. Can't sleep otherwise.

A child at heart and has an imagination so vivid they often get lost in it. They often need a little guidance back into the real world.

Loves going on adventures and exploring new places. Can turn even the most mundane errand into a fun excursion.

Sometimes their emotions are too much to handle and they might get overwhelmed and explode. They always feel guilty about it though and apologize afterward.

Fiercely protective of their treasures (aka: their friends) and would probably die for their friends if they had to. Though maybe a little too protective.

Opens their mouth wide when they yawn because it makes them feel like they're roaring.

Bites and headbutts their friends as a show of affection.

Aesthetic: Shed snake skin, Shiny objects, Watercolor paint, Fleeting eye contact, Soft blanket nests, Gray afternoons, Chai tea, Apple Cinnamon candles, Fine china, The glow of a heat lamp, Notebooks, Big fluffy clouds, Vivid sunsets, Bonfires, Head stuck in the clouds, Aluminum pins, Thrift shop clothes, Wide eyed stares, Awkward toothy grins, Fountain pens, Patchwork jackets, Cracking your knuckles

Theme Song: Geronimo by Sheppard

🦋 Mothman Energy 🦋

Has real cryptid energy, thanks to their height and lanky limbs. Not to mention they're already a chaos incarnate to boot.

Immuno-compromised and kind of delicate but doesn't let that stop them from obtaining their dreams.

Has the spice tolerance of a God. Will eat a whole bag of hot cheetos till their mouth is completely raw.

Stares at lights before turning them, thus accidentally blinding themselves each time. Does it so much that everyone genuinely thinks they might be part mothman.

Honestly just hates society and people in general and wants to live in the mountains as a hermit for the rest of their life.

Pretty much everything they wear came out of the 60s-70s era.

Knows an astounding amount of information on cryptids from all different states and even countries.

"When your sleep schedule is abysmal, you can sleep anytime."

Seems to subsist entirely on root beer and mountain kickstart pineapple orange mango.

Has at least twenty different kinds of potted plants in their room, all in various handmade pots and on every available surface.

Aesthetic: Moss samples, Cheap ramen noodles, Cat hair on clothes, Bomber jackets and aviator sunglasses, Leather messenger bag, Pine trees, Waterlogged boots, Moths flying around a street light, Watching the stars, Wondering what's out there, Empty paint cans, Early morning walks, Zoo and museum visits, Befriending a stray cat, Watching obscure movies, Oragami figures, Late night talks, Sarcasm, Walking sticks, RGB lights

Theme Song: The Moss by Cosmo Sheldrake

👽 Alien Energy 👽

Dresses like a cartoon character and it's honestly so cute. Wears a lot of patterns and colors that somehow all work together.

Mall culture to the max. Responsible for keeping the American mall dream alive.

Kinda shy but genuinely sweet. Will always offer you help when you need it.

Absolutely loves weird and unique animals, especially elephants. They track all the ones in captivity and give updates frequently.

Like Mothman, is very tall and lanky with long limbs. They also have freckles just like a galaxy.

Misses arcades and wishes they would come back. Goes to Dave and Busters for their birthday ever year.

All their pets are unique and named after foods such as their sharpei dog, Taco.

Has an old barn on their property where stray cats like to take refuge.

Loves old Disney movies and anime. Their favorite disney movie is Lilo and Stitch.

They also have a huge collection of anime and disney related figurines. A whole shelf full and continuing to grow.

Aesthetic: Teal and turquoise, Varsity jackets and athletic shorts, Pixie cuts, Binging anime, Microwave popcorn, Cuddling with your pets, Shag carpets, Colorful notebooks and fun pencils, Scented markers, Cotton candy soap, Cheaply made gimmick erasers, Tile floors, Homemade slime, Glowsticks, Stickers on laptop, Marble soda, Fairy lights, Ramen shops, Cinnabons, Star shaped Earrings, Young Adult Novels, Sour candy, Hibiscus tea, Orange tic tacs

Theme Song: Something in the Water by Brooke Fraser

#tag yourself #types of people #mine #augies-posts

[alice-blogs-things]

The Sparrows- Speculative Headcanons

Now that we've seen a bit of the Sparrows in action, and we know about as much as I think we're going to before the 22nd, I wanna take a stab at some speculative headcanons, based on what we've seen so far, and what can be infered from that.

Marcus

He's the Dad Sibling

However, as his main frame of reference for "a dad" is Reginald, he may come off as a bit... sterner than he means to at times

His authority has been earned, though, and for the most part the others do respect and admire him

He will throw hands for any of them at any time, no questions asked

He feels the responsibility of being Number One strongly, and is always striving to prove that he's worthy of his position.

Ben

Takes being a Sparrow the most seriously- or at least is convinced that he does

Sensitive about his scar, possibly- that or he has a zero tolerance policy for weird shit

Thinks he should be Number One- but this could possibly become a "careful what you wish for" situation, where he only gets to be the leader after Marcus dies, so he gets what he wanted, but not the way he wanted it.

There are faint traces of the old Ben in there, but they are really, really faint.

He doesn't have a favourite sibling, but he does get on okay with Alphonso, and they make a point of sticking up for each other.

Fei

Eldest Daughter Syndrome

She's the brains of pretty much any operation they carry out

Her scars came from her birds, when she was much younger and less in control of them

Sloane is her bestie, though she gets on with Marcus too. She may be Number Three, but they all know she's the real right hand sibling.

She's got a surprisingly sharp sense of humour

Alphonso

Middle Kid Syndrome

Gets on best with Jayme, but also with Ben. The even numbers stick together

He lives like a goddamn Ninja Turtle and he embraces it

His scars were accumulated over several incidents, rather than just being from one fight

He was originally born in Italy, and, similarly to Klaus, will drop Italian words and phrases into conversations

Sloane

Hates being part of the Sparrow Academy, but loves being a Hargreeves sibling- in other words, she doesn't actually hate her siblings, she just hates that they aren't allowed to be a normal family

She's probably the most protective of Chris, and was the most insistent that he be included when they were growing up. (Not unlike another Five and Seven we know...)

She unironically loves pumpkin spice lattes

She's kinda sensitive to criticism, and doesn't like to see the others hurt

Aside from Chris, Fei is probably her favourite sibling- they're pretty different in a lot of ways, but that just makes them get along even more

Jayme

Her powers even freak her out sometimes- and they definitely freaked her out when she was a kid. But the Sparrow Academy has no room for weakness, so she sort of trained herself to always seem kinda disinterested and uncaring, cause it's easier that way

Alphonso is her bestie, and if anyone so much as looks at him funny, she's skipping the dream power thing and going straight to throwing punches

She and Five continue to be snarky with each other even after both teams eventually stop fighting

She loves her sisters, but she sometimes feels like a third wheel to Fei and Sloane's double act. They do all get along, despite this

She is a bit of a quiet one a lot of the time, and keeps to herself with the exception of her siblings

Chris

He likes to be involved in things- if there's any way he can join in with an activity, he'll do it

Sloane is his favourite, but he likes all his siblings. He's a bit of a sweetheart for someone who doesn't have a physical body

He doesn't know where he came from either, and doesn't care- he's happy with his siblings.

He's always trying to cheer his siblings up when they're upset. They can all understand him, and appreciate his efforts to make them smile

His glow changes colour depending on his mood/ the situation. White is his default setting, so to speak

#the umbrella academy #tua #the sparrow academy #marcus hargreeves #ben hargreeves #sparrow ben #fei hargreeves #alphonso hargreeves #sloane hargreeves #jayme hargreeves #christopher hargreeves #chris the cube

[jamesgierach]

IMMIGRATION AND THE WORLD WAR ON DRUGS

by James E. Gierach

Americans are overlooking the key solution to our immigration problem.

We Americans, through our political leaders, invite the immigration crisis upon ourselves. We do it by insisting that other countries support drug-prohibition dogma that drives violence and corruption abroad, just as it does here. Violence and corruption compound the misery of poverty commonly suffered by desperate migrants. That combination makes life nearly unlivable in many South and Central American countries and drives exodus to the United States.

Violence and corruption always follow drug prohibition. Yet, standing on political-safe ground, our leaders continue to support drug-war policies at home and abroad with seemingly bipartisan oblivion to the consequences.

Drug war means drug prohibition, and drug prohibition means drug war. The two terms are interchangeable. And intolerance—zero tolerance really—is foundational.

Sadly, the Three Pillars of Drug Prohibition Policy are More Drugs, More Crime and More Corruption.

Historically in the 1980s and 1990s, Sen. Joe Biden as head of the Senate Judiciary Committee supported drug-war and mass-incarceration policies. (https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2019/4/25/18282870/joe-biden-criminal-justice-war-on-drugs-mass-incarceration). And despite the obvious failure of drug-prohibition policy to curb America’s appetite for drugs or reduce drug availability, the policies remain in place.

The “drug crisis” at home has evolved over decades from substance to substance: marijuana, Spice, LSD, PCP, crack cocaine, MDMA, methamphetamines, heroin, assorted animal tranquilizers, and now synthetic fentanyl. The persistence of the drug crisis substance-to-substance and prohibition-to-prohibition begs a question.

Is drug prohibition itself a universal addicting drug that numbs thoughtful political response to numerous societal crises?

Regularly, we seize illegal drugs by the ton, but prosecute drug offenders by the gram. Not smart. Large drug seizures are not evidence of successful drug policy, just the reverse. The bigger the drug bust, the greater the evidence of drug-policy failure.

Despite American’s drug-war failure at home, President Biden still opposes even legal, controlled, recreational marijuana. And cooperatively, the U.S. Congress sits on its hands regarding national legalization of marijuana, despite overwhelming public opinion support (https://www.marijuanamoment.net/nine-in-ten-americans-support-legalizing-marijuana-for-recreational-or-medical-use-new-pew-poll-finds/) and state after state approval.

Republican drug-policy thoughtlessness is no better.

Recall ex-President Donald Trump’s and former U.N. ambassador Nikki Haley’s September 2018 “High-Level Event on the Global Call to Action on the World Drug Problem,” a dance performed in New York City on a United Nations global scale. (https://www.tumblr.com/jamesgierach/724020980767490048/former-ambassador-haley-pres-trump-and-broken-un)

America beats the drums for global drug-prohibition policy. That drum beat aggravates the United States immigration crisis and many others. Disagreement will continue regarding American border security, undocumented migrants, the Dream Act and immigration reform, but there should be no disagreement about the need for drug policy reform. Drug policy reform is the rough-terrain starting point to overcome many American and global crises.

Today, no matter what crisis presents itself in America—Violence, Gangs, Guns, Drugs, Policing, Mass Incarceration, Racism, Immigration, Human Rights, Healthcare, AIDS and Corruption—a fundamental change in drug policy is never “on-the-table.” Major overhaul of U.S. drug policy is not even discussed in the Halls of the U.S. Congress or in political campaigns. Yet, the failed World War on Drugs makes all these crises intractable.

Sadly, the United Nations, its agencies, and its “drug-control” treaties beat the same drug-prohibition drum as the United States. The 1961 Single Convention on Narcotic Drugs requires that every Nation State treaty member enact national legislative and administrative laws outlawing recreational drug use and sale, and punishing transgressors, inter alia. Virtually all nations are treaty member states, making this a “World War on Drugs.”

Sixty years is enough warfare to nowhere. It is time for drug peace instead of drug war.

Americans must help migrants and ourselves. We can do that by ending drug-prohibition policy. And we can do that by putting drug policy reform front and center on the political debate stage and in the news.

Immigration is a national problem, and the solution must be national. The solution must be more thoughtful than just more manpower and money, and more humane than transporting asylum-seekers to Chicago, Martha’s Vineyard and sanctuary-city venues.

Political and Fourth Estate thinkers must lead Americans to the unpleasant solution that is always “off-the-table.” Legalize recreational drug markets and end Prohibition II. That is the essential, missing ingredient in the present solution mix to fix a dozen crises strung around our necks like an Albatross of War. Immigration is but one bead strung on that drug-prohibition necklace. It needs to be identified as such and fixed nationally and internationally.

Legalize, control and regulate recreational drug use across the Americas and the World.

James E. Gierach ran for Cook County state’s attorney and Illinois governor in Democratic primaries in the 1990s on ideas calling for an end to drug-prohibition policies to stop violence, gangs, guns and mass incarceration. He drafted a comprehensive proposed amendment of UN drug-control treaties (https://www.unodc.org/ungass2016/en/contributions/ngos/leap.html) for Law Enforcement Against Prohibition (LEAP), now known as Law Enforcement Action Partnership. His book, “The Silver Bullet Solution: Is it time to end the War on Drugs?” will be released in November 2023.

Palos Park, Illinois 60464

August 22, 2023

#drugprohibition #immigration #immigrants #border #violence #drug policy #gierach #cnd #thesilverbulletsolution

[quivvyintheclouds]

dream, cooking, fluff (no relationship just solo) <3

m.list | event masterlist wc: 188

"you weak as fuck white boy!" you playfully yelled at dream as he held the chili oil over your reach. he wheezed as you jumped to take hold of the bottle, wishing to add it into the ramen the two of you were making. whoever thought it was a good idea to do a cooking stream with dream was wrong. "ramen is just as good plain as it is spicy- we don't need the spice!" "just because you can't handle it doesn't mean we don't need it! you know what- no. i'm running a poll. chat, vote whether the ramen should have chili oil or not." you walked over to your set-up, putting up a poll for your viewers to choose.

dream dashed out of his seat, throwing up in the garbage bag. you nearly spat out your soup, laughing at your best friend's low spice tolerance. of course your audience would choose to make dream suffer, it was perfect content! "i am never doing a cooking stream with you again, y/n." dream walked back in frame, eyes red and lips puffy. "yeah, we'll see about that."

#quivvy hits 100 !! #dream has zero spice tolerance #quivvyintheclouds ✍︎ #quivvyintheclouds ☏︎ #cw cursing #dreamwastaken x reader #dream x reader #dreamwastaken fluff #dream fluff #dreamwastaken #mcyt fluff #mcyt x reader #ramen #anon <3

[the-bees-knives]

Hi yes hello. I saw that you rebloged the oc ask thingy and I'll be ordering for the whole table. Can I get a 2, 3 ,5, 7, 9, 10, 12, 13, 16, 17, 19, 20, 21, 32, 34, 37, 41, 45, 48, 50, 51, 55, 60, 65, 68, 69, 70, 73, 78, 83, 87, 89, 93, 96, 98, and 99? All for Biscuit. (IM REALLY REALLY SORRY I JUST WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT THEM 😭)

This got real long... answers under the cut!

2. What are their favourite possessions? Why? (sentimentality, history, price, etc.)

His favourite possession... is you! ✋👁👁

Jokes aside, Biscuit isn't too materialistic. However, he does like the hairband he uses for his braid; it was a gift from his mother! The bow he wears around his neck is also a remnant of a modification of his uniform from his previous place of work. Biscuit used to work both as a mascot and a cook (it would switch depending on the situation) at his family's diner (restaurant? i don't know the term), and he added it because he thought it looked cute (also he couldn't do anything too feminine :( so this was the best he could do).

I will note that the cutlery embedded into him is not a part of his favourite possessions, despite his unwillingness to part with them. They're more like a part of his body, I guess?

3. Do They get jealous easily? If so, what usually causes it?

If Biscuit formed an attachment to someone and then saw them with someone else, he'd be wary of the new person, if not jealous. They'd have to become acquainted with Biscuit to ease him, though that might not always work. He'd still probably try to drag his companion away. Basically, he's pretty protective (possessive?) over those he likes.

5. What's their reputation like? Does this reputation contrast what they're really like?

I'm not sure how others would see him. Either it's "eccentric cosplayer (who's really in character)" or "weird dude". Probably the first one, as normal people couldn't survive with knives in their body for that long. Mostly Biscuit's just a weird dude though.

7. What's their "type"? What romantically attracts them to another person?

Biscuit doesn't really have a preference on appearance, it's more based on personality. Either it's someone who can care for him or someone who's just as feral/zero-braincell'd as him. He normally takes care of his victims, but he doesn't see that as attraction; it's more like caring for cattle before you eat it. If someone cared for him though, he'd be into it. As for the other one, it's just a feral power couple; both can be absolutely insane together (Run).

9. If they could change one part of their appearance, what would it be?

Spine that can turn 180 degrees. Reasoning: he has to sleep on his stomach because of the knives, but then his feet are bent uncomfy while on his stomach. Rotate spine for comfy feets. Plus, it'd be a cool party trick.

10. What's a simple thing that brings them joy?

Pets/physical affection. (Unfortunately, by unintentional design, this man is Unpettable.)

12. What's their position in their friend group? (leader, mom friend, chaos goblin, etc.)

The chill goblin: you can sit with him and have a nice hat, but if anything gets the interest of his one (1) braincell, he will go absolutely feral.

13. How forgiving are they? What do they consider unforgivable?

I think he's pretty forgiving, considering. If you attacked him, he'd probably consider it as play-fighting or something. He won't like it if you mess with his personal belongings, but he'll forgive you if it's for a good reason (for him) or if you give it back.

As for the things he'd find unforgivable, touching the two knives sticking out of his head is an absolute no-no. (The ones in his shoulders are sort of meh; he won't like it if you touch them, but he won't try to kill you for it.) The knives in his head are really sensitive, so he'll become agitated quick and snap if you try to move or remove them.

16. What food do they absolutely hate?

fish yucky >:(

17. Do they show a lot of affection, or are they pretty reserved?

If Biscuit had an s/o or a good friend (you know, people he's not interested in for food), he'd be pretty affectionate; he likes them and wants to show it! He might get a little close though, so make sure to set (and remind him of) personal boundaries.

19. What's their unusual quirk?

I don't know why, but I imagine that Biscuit can bleed infinitely. If you were to remove any of the knives embedded into him, the wound will just keep bleeding until they're inserted back in. I don't really have an explanation for this, but he is a human, so??? I just think it's neat.

20. Are they easy to wake up in the morning, or grouchy and sleepy?

While Biscuit does get up early, he's particularly lazy and groggy. It's kind of like those moods where you want to go back to sleep, but you can't because your body's awake.

21. What's their ideal date like?

Anywhere really, so long as his s/o is giving him attention.

32. What are they like at parties? Party animal, or awkwardly sitting in the corner drinking punch and reading?

Party animal, except everyone else is sitting in the corner trying to avoid him. He doesn’t really think before speaking, so he says whatever without any filter. (Plus, the knives don’t help. No, he won’t remove them.)

34. What’s their favourite drink? (Coffee, tea, juice, hot chocolate, soda, etc.)

Biscuit is a milkshake lad. His favourite is strawberry-banana!

37. Are they a hopeless romantic, or is that stuff just not for them?

Biscuit has a “love-at-first-interaction” mentality, like if someone shows genuine interest in him, then he wants to be with them and chases that feeling (and them).

41. What would they dress up as for Halloween?

Bold of you to assume that he’d even need a Halloween costume.

All jokes aside though, Biscuit has No Patience to put a costume together (or even look for one), so he’d probably just go with his normal wear. People have already mistaken the knives as cosplay/props anyway, so it’s just less work, instant results.

(He does have the old mascot suit, but he can’t wear it anymore without it hitting the knives.)

45. Are they always late, on time, or early?

None of the above, he forgot that event was today.

48. How dramatic are they?

Biscuit’s not the type to start drama, nor is he extremely emphatic (is that the word?) with his speech. He’s just kind of vibing.

50. Why would they be a good partner for a road trip?

Fun(?) to do activities with; will probably suggest random stuff to do if there’s no set itinerary (will probably suggest it anyway). If you’re looking for a spontaneous road trip, he’s your guy.

51. Why would they be a BAD partner for a road trip?

Will Never Sit Still; must be kept under watch constantly, otherwise he’ll run off to who knows where. (Just keep him on a leash or something)

55. Choose a vine you think perfectly encapsulates their character.

This video has pretty strong vibes of brainrot, so I think it's appropriate.

60. What sappy thing will they cry at? (romance movies, cute cat videos, etc.) Would they deny crying about it later on?

Biscuit loves all types of animals, especially furry ones (so dogs, cats, bats, rats… bean toes are a plus). So he’d absolutely cry if shown cute pet videos and gush about how precious and baby each one is. No denial either, if you confront him about it, he’d just justify it by gushing about them more. (He doesn’t have any pets of his own though. I wouldn’t trust him with a pet.)

As a side note, if he found out his victim was a beastkin or could turn into an animal or something, he’d be really conflicted on whether to harm them or not, but would ultimately decide against it.

65. Do they give people a lot of nicknames?

Biscuit isn’t creative enough to make genuine nicknames. However, if he forgot your name (and he probably would), he’d just name something off of your appearance (“pink jacket”, “shark guy”, things like that).

68. Are they easy to fluster? What would you have to do to truly fluster them?

Biscuit can only really be flustered by people he likes or people that he thinks are close to him. He’ll melt and nuzzle you if you surprise him with something nice, physical or otherwise :)

69. What’s their dream vacation like?

Go to the countryside and run around and be feral. Then chill in the evening and take a bath, because he needs to make sure his knives are clean.

70. Are they a good liar?

Biscuit doesn’t even try to lie. He’s really impulsive, and he doesn’t see what’s wrong with what he does. If he tried to lie, it’d be stupid/simple and obvious that it’s a lie, but he’d stick to his guns and insist that it’s true. Though, his voice/expression wouldn’t fluctuate, so you’d have to believe either in common sense or him.

73. Are they more book smarts, or street smarts?

Street smarts; this man’s head is empty (except for the two knives in there but).

78. What’s something they’re really bad at?

Almost anything that involves careful planning and concentration to complete. Things like puzzles or sewing; if it doesn’t give immediate satisfaction, then what’s the point?

The only things that Biscuit does pay attention to are cooking and, by extent, caring for his victim (as they’re a part of the cooking process).

83. What are they like as an s/o?

Loyal and (possibly) clingy. Will want to accompany you for days, then vanish out of thin air due to impulsiveness (will absolutely forget to feed his victim during this time, if he has one). Forgets about physical boundaries, but means well (trying to show affection).

Biscuit’s love languages are, in no particular order: physical touch, acts of service, and quality time. Personal hug-buddy that can cook :)

87. Do they like spicy food?

Yes he does! I like to imagine that he incorporates spice from time to time into his dishes. I don’t know what his tolerance would be though due to lack of experience (I will perish).

89. What would they get into a petty argument over?

Which animal is the best? Answer: it’s all of them. (Though he does have a preference towards furry animals, he tries to be unbiased in this argument.)

93. What type of movies do they like to watch?

Both gorey horror movies and feel-good movies (especially if they have animal protagonists). They’re just fun to watch.

96. What’s their sense of humour like? (Dad jokes, morbid humour, basic knock-knock jokes, stand-up comedy, etc.)

Physical humour, stand-up, and maybe surreal humour. Anything else might be too complex for him.

98. How competitive are they?

He’s not very competitive on his own, though if someone challenges him to a contest, he’s still going to try to beat them for the satisfaction of it. Don’t challenge him to a contest if you want to have chill times with him.

99. What would they wear to a formal event? Describe their outfit!

Biscuit has No Standards when it comes to social events, so he’s going as normal. If he had to dress fancy though (and if he had access to it), he’d probably just wear a simple pink dress shirt and dress pants + suspenders. Slick his hair back too. The knives stay.

(I don’t even think he can enter most shops with the knives, fake or not. I don’t know; I’ve never entered an establishment with visible knives before.)

This was a long post, so let me know if I missed anything;;

#i spent Too Much Time thinking about these answers #also sorry for the late reply; i kept getting distracted;; #is this man just a dog? maybe #biscuit oc #my oc #emi-bunni #ask #oc questions meme

[vidalinav]

Queen of Monsters: Chapter 7

Summary: Nesta and Cassian reach an understanding 

Rating: M (Warning for mentions miscarriages/stillbirths)

Read also: Chapter List, General Masterlist

I am so late for this update. Also, I wrote this on the fly so hopefully it’s edited well enough but who knows really. Certainly not me. 

~

Nesta felt acutely aware that she was flitting through emotions. Like she was writing her feelings on a notebook and ripping out every page. Excitement dropping behind her with neat, printed script, then sadness, then grief, something like disappointment landing at her feet. Nesta could only feel irritation at the transient moods—anger that not only was she littering but that she was wading through it all and drowning in paper cuts.

After their spat, Cassian had dropped her off at the inn and quickly flown away. Nesta huffed at the thought of him, sulking and quiet. She had felt… on top of the world at the thought of going home and that look, the dark eyes and furrowed brows, that blasted look made Nesta want to roar. Suddenly guilt had unwelcomely wormed its way in, settling in her chest, and her world had gotten that much smaller in the blink of an eye.

But Nesta paused short at her thoughts.

Home? That was an odd way to describe the city she despised.  

On a good day, Nesta had only tolerated Velaris. All the noise had given her a headache—the people yelling, the children laughing, the endless chatter that seemed to envelop the city in a soft hum. And the smell? The smell had made her nauseous. Spices, baked bread, and the Sidra. The Sidra sinking to the sea, carrying the fishy scent with it.

Nesta remembered that scent most of all, remembered wanting to laugh at that. Such a beautiful place and yet the imperfection permeated the city as much as any of the starlight, as much as any of the dreams.

But perhaps what really made Nesta reel were the people themselves.

How many times had they congratulated her on a victory won? Their smiles laced at the edge with cold, winter memories as they remembered too what war felt like. But perhaps if they remembered it like she did they would not praise her for cutting off a monster’s head, when at one point she had she wished it on all of them.

Nesta clenched her fists, bringing them up to her mouth. The warmth lasted only seconds as she breathed into them, and she cursed herself for once again forgetting her gloves.

Even now she didn’t want to say his name. In her head, she’d referred to him as that monster and nothing else. She tried not to think of him, to hear the whisper of his laugh or the horror of his words. Nesta thought that if she allowed him to seep into the marrow of her bones, he’d be the actual victor of the war and not the girl who’d looked up at the sword plunged into his neck and twisted…

So Nesta refused to think of him as she trampled through the snow laced town, the buildings all covered with thick ice. She found herself wanting to find those females again, hoping that they were spewing hate and other nonsensical ideas to the impressionable young…or not so young beings of the camp.

She wanted to hear the yells, feast on the hostile anger, and let it renew her own. Let it seep into her bones so that once again she’d remember why she was here and why she was not in Velaris.

Nesta was almost near the center of town, the winding streets pulling her forward, when she noticed a form taking shape in the distance. The figure stood huddled in furs and the wind seemed to gather strength, blowing a flurry of snow her way. Nesta, in all her anger, didn’t notice that the world hadn’t been quiet that day. Waking mountains huffing out a humdrum of wind.

Nesta would have walked right past the figure, no greeting, or smiles. But she caught the extended arm, the jolt of a grimace as the… female leaned against one of the building walls. She clenched her stomach and as Nesta neared she could see that the female was pregnant. Heavily so.

It was Lord Ovis’s wife and as she hunched over, letting out a gasp, Nesta could only see the horrifying image of mucous-like blood on crisp white.  

She swallowed her distaste and ran to her.

“Don’t touch me,” the Illyrian gasped as her wings flourished out. Nesta’s hands reached out to hold her steady but the female hit them away.  

“You’re in pain,” Nesta replied derisively, noting the sweat on her brow and scent of must in her clothing.

“That’s no business of yours,” She gritted out. Nesta paused in her pursuits, giving the Illyrian a bland look and glancing to the street she’d come down from. The female would have to walk up a hill, maybe two, or… fly, though Nesta doubted she could by the looks of it.

“Where are you trying to go?”

The female yelled out in frustration, to tell her to get lost probably, but Nesta stood taller at the tone.

“Look,” Nesta demanded, the female squinting at the command. “I don’t know how much you think you can do this by yourself, but there is no one here! And I doubt there will be people trekking up these mountains when it looks like a storm is coming. So where. Are. You. Going?”

Maybe, Nesta was also a touched panicked judging from her voice but the female finally relented, grunting out an explicative Nesta was surprised to hear from this female who was always dutifully quiet.

Alright, Nesta thought, this can’t be too hard.

“The inn,” the Illyrian spoke. Nesta must have looked confused because the female rolled her eyes impatiently. “Daphne, the inn owner’s wife… she’s delivered before.”

She has? Nesta remarked to herself. Nothing about that female seemed to scream midwife, with her fake smile, the tight skin of her cheeks so forced Nesta thought it might have hurt to act pleasant. Midwives should have been stern but kind, who radiated calm. Nothing was peaceful about that female who wouldn’t even give her directions.

Nesta resisted laughing in outright shock.

“The inn it is then,” Nesta confirmed with a nod of her head, holding on to the Illyrian as she leaned against her. The wings were heavier than she thought, and they dragged behind, making the walk infinitely harder in the snow.

But they arrived with little complaint, Nesta huffing almost as much as the female who kept a level-head for someone about to give birth. She doubted she’d act the same if it was her.

As Nesta pulled open the door, Daphne rushed forward at the sight of the female, forcing Nesta away.

Nesta scoffed at the small attack. As if she walked herself up that hill!

“You must be freezing! Let’s get you into a warm bath. Gina!” She called, setting the female at a seat and then rushing towards where Nesta knew were the kitchens, “Get some hot towels and warm up some water and bring it to the room. Don’t dally!”

Nesta watched the plump female disappear behind the door and looked to the other who was now seated at the settee, her head back and her eyes closed.

Her job considered done, Nesta turned to leave, but the female gasped harshly, clenching her fists to her stomach. When the Illyrian looked up again, she zeroed in on her, and Nesta swore she saw agony in her face. Pain and… something worse. Something Nesta wanted to run from. Far and fast away.

“Please find my husband,” She croaked, the words tinged with warning.

Nesta stared at the female, the obligation settling in, and she stepped back with the discomfort of it all.

Nesta didn’t voice her answer as she walked through the doors, as the wind whipped her hair, as the temperature seemed to drop within moments. She didn’t look back at the inn as all of her feelings began to whirl around her once more.

Nesta merely ran.

Far and fast away.

~

When Nesta arrived at the training fields, her hair half-askew, her hands patting at her face to warm herself, no one was there. That made sense though because the training fields were all outside and there was no use fighting when the cold hit worse than any punch. So, Nesta ran to the large shacks, the saunas that she knew were tucked away from sight.

She almost felt it indecent to enter such a place, and the old her would have been thoroughly appalled,  but this new Nesta had seen far more of the male body than her previous counterparts, so she simply shrugged her shoulders and pushed open the doors.

They creaked as they moved and Nesta peered inside, cautious that she might see more than what a night of drinking let her heartily accept.

When she saw no one was there, Nesta wanted to scream in frustration.

“You shouldn’t be here,” A rough voice came out from behind her, making her spine stiffen.

The male leaned against the doorway as she turned towards him. His stance casual in his boots and leathers. He didn’t wear any coat, which she thought was arrogant of him when the wind whirred from outside and shook the building.

Kallon’s gaze slid over her and Nesta wanted to back away, the thoughts of Thomas appearing in her mind. He didn’t move from his place though, and Nesta would not give him the satisfaction of cowering.

“I’m looking for your father,” She replied, her words poignant and pernicious. Kallon raised a brow, but his expression marked one of boredom. Nesta’s jaw hurt from how hard she gritted her teeth. “You’re mother is going into labor.”

Kallon seemed to grow taller at the words, his wings rising to block the light of the door. The menacing shadows painted him in full glory. Still, he was not the worst beast she’d seen.

“I think she’s having… complications,” Nesta explained as best she could. Somehow she felt an ache in her chest for the female, her pain leaving a scar where Nesta thought she’d feel nothing.

“She is not my mother,” He glowered. She could hear the solid steps of his boots, one after the next as he angled closer to her. Sharp taps like the pulse she could hear through his chest. “And I don’t really care what happens to the runt.”

Nesta peered up at him, noted the shiny gleam of his dark eyes, the facial hair that stroked up his cheeks, his nose high and pointed. Kallon was too used to be intimidating, she thought, because he walked slowly as if he was a predator.

Nesta was no prey.

“That’s your blood,” she said, a bite to her words. “Your family. Your brother or sister.”

“No blood of mine would ever be tainted by so low of a female.”

Nesta scoffed, her eyes widening with the shock she couldn’t contain. “You’re a real bastard aren’t you?”

“I am not a bastard,” He announced, stepping in front of her. Nesta had to tilt her head to look into his eyes. “But that thing is as good as one… Didn’t your dog ever tell you? What we do to bastards around here?”

Her fists clenched as he jeered, some fire rising in her chest until she could only hear a soft hum. Her chest ached from keeping it all in, but she willed herself to remain calm, that power in her veins laying unbridled, biding its time.  

“The only bastard I know is standing right in front of me and if the village is ready to throw you to the wolves, please let me know when procession starts.”

Kallon’s gaze turned to liquid ore as his nostrils flared as if he’d start roaring fire, but she merely crossed her arms. Her chin raised defiantly in that you mean nothing look. Nesta had practiced it well.

“You look surprised… Did you think I would be intimidated?” She titled her head lightly and laughed. “Why should I be afraid of pups who can’t see past their own importance?”

She danced away as Kallon stood as rigid as ice, his back so straight she thought he might tip over if the wind decided to blow the roof off. She laid her hand on the door of the empty sauna, the hinges creaking as she moved to shut it.

Kallon remained staring at where she’d been before, his muscles tense and his wings tucked behind his back.

“You should have just told me where your father is,” Nesta mused, the male stiffening at her voice. “it would have saved you some pride at least.”

Nesta didn’t wait for his response as she continued, in search of that lord who deserved a beating for the way he raised his son.

Gods help the next one.

~

If there was anything that Cassian learned in his time being here, it was that Lord Ovis liked to talk. Not to his family, and certainly not to his comrades, but the sound of his voice must have seemed sweet to his own ears because he never stopped talking.

Cassian sat in the council room with fifteen other Illyrians, and though he knew he was supposed to seem regal and uptight; Cassian didn’t have it in him to pretend he had a stick up his ass for more than five minutes.

That was more Rhys’s style.

He swallowed down his laugh, imagining what the rest of the Inner Circle were doing right then. Probably not as bored as him, when he wanted to take the pencil in front of him and stab himself in the eye. He doubted they’d let him leave even so.

Cassian mind drifted to Nesta and what she was doing at this moment. He wanted to groan at the thought of her as he shifted in his seat, laying his head on his knuckles. She’d been puffed up and rosy during their argument and infinitely too soft when he’d flown her back to the inn, but she’d been calm at least…

Cassian had been a fool. For so many reasons, but...

He did say that. Didn’t he? That he couldn’t understand how her sisters could love her. It was only a few weeks after that that they learned Nesta was drinking more, slumming it with some male or another every night. He’d seen her once. During the day, in the beginning and she’d mostly looked tired. He imagined she wasn’t sleeping, but she looked worse than tired. Like carrying her own bones was too much of a burden and the weight was crushing her.

Cassian wanted to roll down in his seat at the guilt that welled up in his chest. He’d promised her… he promised to protect her. Her family. The people across the wall. Promised her so many things that he never voiced allowed, and not once had he followed through. He’d missed every opportunity.

But she’d promised nothing, and she was beside them all. She’d… protected him.

Cassian blinked away the sting in his eyes.

Just as he was about to sigh in defeat, his thoughts properly stored and tightly locked away, the door flew open. The wood slamming against the walls.

At the commotion, the males stood fast. Lord Ovis maneuvering around the table as his wings brushed back, ready to fight. Cassian remained in his seat, staring at her as the light seemed to wrap around her form.

Nesta didn’t even look at him as she stepped past some of the soldiers, moving through them as if they were stalks of wheat and she had little time for them. She zeroed in on Lord Ovis and he stood tall at her perusal, shock painted on his face as she looked him in the eyes.  

The next words out of her mouth seemed to shock both of them.

“Your wife is having the baby.” Her brows furrowed as she talked, the words rushing out of her. “She went into labor and she’s at the inn.”

At the information, Lord Ovis let out a breath, settling down as he stepped back to his seat. Nesta looked to him when she noticed Lord Ovis beginning to sit, and Cassian didn’t know what to say. She stomped towards the male anyways, fire in her lungs.

“I just said your wife is in labor,” she hissed.

Lord Ovis simply shuffled some papers on his table, muttering to the male next to him to get him some water. Cassian scoffed.

Nesta threw up her hands, “Are all of you this ignorant?”

Cassian could see some of the males shuffle in their seat at the insult, surprise and outrage rolling through the room like thunder. Cassian simply took note of the snow on Nesta’s coat, her face flushed from the cold. He looked to the open door, where the wind chased the snow, roaring out its displeasure.

His gaze hardened at the thought of her running through the storm.  

“She needs you there,” she urged.

Lord Ovis sat back in his seat in lazy arrogance. “That would be improper.”

“Improper my ass! Your wife was standing next to a building in the middle of this storm,” she pointed to the open doorway as some of the other males looked, “she couldn’t even make it up the hill and I helped her there. She asked for you personally, though now I’m wondering why the hell she would when you seem to be good for nothing!”

He watched as he face seemed to turn a darker shade of red, the color rushing down her throat, but Nesta continued, stark, aching mad.

“I’ve been all over this blasted camp for two hours looking for you. And you know what?” She asked. “You’re son is shit by the way. You did awful job raising him.”

Lord Ovis blinked blandly, smacking his lips, and yawning faintly. He then turned to look at him, his eyes cruel as he laughed.

“You should learn to control your female,” He jeered. “A leash would do good.”

Cassian couldn’t even hear Nesta’s next words as the anger reached his ears. In a blink, he was there, standing in front of the lord who could use less teeth and maybe one less tongue. He gripped the male’s leathers in his fists and Cassian made him remember why he was the Night Court General Commander.

He reached out a fist, ready to maim, but he felt a sharp tug in his sternum and Cassian looked towards her.

Nesta’s gaze was sharp and focused as she spoke, her voice soft. “There is something wrong with the child.”

At the words, Lord Ovis whipped towards her, brushing off Cassian.

“What did you do witch?”

Nesta looked towards him and Cassian nodded his head in reassurance, though he didn’t know what he was asking of her.  

“I felt her pain. I don’t—” she stumbled, shaking her head. “I don’t think…”

“You don’t think what?” Lord Ovis cried.

But Nesta didn’t answer him as he pushed past her, leaving the rest of the males in an uproar as their camp leader braced the storm.

Cassian reached for her as Nesta stood staring at the door, her hand resting on her neck.  

She blinked up at him with thick lashes, before he could touch her and he lowered his hand. Her nose was still red from the few hours trying to find them. Cassian wished there were an easier way to contact each other and made a mental note to ask Amren what she thought could do the trick.

He was about to offer to fly her back, but Nesta closed her eyes, her brows furrowing as if she was in pain. This time, he placed a hand on her shoulder, but she clasped her hand atop his, and gripped it tightly. Her words made chills run down his spine.

“I don’t think he’s going to make it.”

Cassian prayed to the mother that she meant Lord Ovis to the inn.  

~

Cassian heard the high-pitched screams just as Nesta flinched. A small movement that no one would have noticed—that he would not have noticed—If it had not been her. Her look made him want to drag her inside, shut all the doors, and block every yell that made it to her ears.

Cassian did none of these things as he looked her over. The skirt of her dress puffed up as Nesta held herself close at the knees from where she sat on the steps to the entrance of that little inn. Her hands tucked into the pockets of her coat. No scarf, he noted. The way she shivered had Cassian resisting the urge to take off his own coat and drape it across her.  

“I’m not going to ask if you’re okay,” He spoke softly, raising his hands in surrender. Always surrender, because he had never been victorious no matter how many battles, he’d won. Cassian could still hear her yells in the back of his mind, and not the ones she spewed just hours before... but of her calling his name. Cassian! Cassian! It echoed. She’d hardly ever said his name then and yet she’d called him, sensing that cauldron’s intent in her gut, in her bones.

Obliterated, he remembered. His comrades had been obliterated, and he had been fine. More than fine. He could still feel that aching sorrow.  

Cassian wondered if Nesta felt it too. Perhaps not the same pain, but she’d wanted to help Ada... kicked and screamed her way through.  

But her next words surprised him, and the space between his brows crinkled in concern.  

“I have nowhere to go,” She blurted out, her eyes blinking slowly as she looked at him. Stray pieces of her hair blew across her face and she swiped it away, tucking it behind her ears until he could see the pointy tip. “I have nowhere to go. I--”

Cassian sat beside her; his wings careful not to brush her form. He could smell the scent of her—lavender soap and crisp winters, fresh air and pine. He watched as she laid her chin in her palm, her knees bouncing quickly as if she were agitated, and maybe she was, because Nesta rarely stumbled on her words.

She didn’t look at him as she continued. Her hand moved to her mouth, her teeth biting down on the nail of her thumb. Cassian watched in awe at the movement. Perhaps without even knowing, she’d shown him another one of her habits and Cassian wrote it down in that seemingly short list of everything he knew about Nesta Archeron.  

“Feyre doesn’t want me there. Your High Lord hates me. I have no prospects or money or a place to say. Amren doesn’t even want to look at me.” Nesta shook her head and Cassian thought he might have seen regret, but it flashed away as soon as it began. “I can’t go back there. So where do I go?”

He opened his mouth to speak, but Nesta jumped up, walking a few paces and then turning back around. Cassian watched the movement with rapt attention.

“I’m back where I started five years.” She whispered, her voice going shrill, her eyes wide and bold enough that he wanted to rush to her and hold her close. A forbidden act that Cassian quickly pushed away. Nesta would never allow his touch. “Starving, and alone in that little cabin.”

“You weren’t alone. You had Elain. Feyre...”  

“What good did that do?” She screeched, lowering her eyes to floor as she shook incessantly. “You know after my mother died; Elain wouldn’t stop crying. Every day she’d cry, and cry and I’d wanted to slap her then. As cruel as that is... Stop crying, I’d wanted to say, you’re not the one dead.”

Nesta clenched her eyes shut, her fists rolling into balls. Her lips curled in a grimace.

“And Feyre... Feyre wouldn’t stop asking questions as young as she was... What can I do? How should we fix this? How can we help father? What can we sell? As if I did not spend so much time asking the same.” Her gaze hardened, and Cassian imagined bricks forming around a small girl. As young as Feyre had been when she’d hunted, maybe younger still. Wall after wall began to be built and Cassian saw Nesta in there, pounding at the bricks as she spoke.

“But you know what was worse?”  

Cassian stayed very still as she zeroed in on him. Her eyes-tinged red.  

“We spent so much time trying to help my father, and he still ruined it all.” Nesta covered her eyes with her palms, and Cassian saw Nesta crawl over him in his memory. The softness of her body covering all of his pain, shielding him from anymore. They’d go together. Not because they deserved a good end, but because they wanted to hold on to something that was good and decent. What had she held onto when she was merely a child? What had she kept?  

“I can’t forgive him for what he did.” She admitted softly, darkness seeping into those bitter blues. And maybe that was the problem in all of this—that they had wanted her to forgive—to forget. But Nesta could not forget and neither could Cassian when all he thought about was his comrades dying and a soft kiss in the middle of a battlefield.

Cassian’s chest felt heavy and he swallowed so she wouldn’t hear how rough his voice had gotten.

“Then don’t,” He replied. Nesta looked up at him, kicking up the snow with her boot as she looked him over, seemingly shocked that he did not berate her or make her see a new point of view. If that’s what she was hoping for, she wasn’t getting it from him.

“Don’t,” Cassian repeated, shaking his head. The conviction rising in his words. “You’re your own person… do whatever you want to do. Forgive your father. Don't forgive him. Be mad. Don’t be mad. Leave to Velaris or stay here with me or… leave to who knows where.”  

“I already told you about the feasibility of leaving.”  

“No, you listed all the reasons it would be hard to do so. You are not in that cabin, starving and alone. You are not alone here, Nesta. And if Velaris is not where you want to be, then I will take you somewhere else. If you want me to go collect things from your father’s house and sell them I will. If you need money, I have that.”

Fuck Rhys and Feyre and the rules. Fuck Elain, too, and himself. Fuck them all, he raged. Fuck them all for making her feel like she had no choices.

Nesta’s shoulders rolled back as she straightened, her arms crossing in defiance. “They’ll never let you help me.”

“I don’t need their permission,” Cassian retorted, suddenly angry at the female in front of him, though he didn’t understand why. He stepped to her slowly, closing his eyes as he breathed in the harsh winter air.

When he blinked, she was in front of him. Her eyes the color of pale skies, bright and filled with caution.

“I want you…” he breathed, swallowing his apprehension, “I want you to find happiness in things. I enjoy you angry, yes, that’s true.”  

She scoffed, but that darkness that had hovered over her these months, that had trailed behind her like some veil covering her golden hair, began to lift and Cassian saw her… Maybe just a small part of her, but a part he wanted to get to know. To memorize.  

"I don’t think you’ll ever be less annoyed with me and I hope you don’t, but I don’t want this... hostility between us anymore. This... mountain we can’t get over.”

“I am not your friend,” she reminded him softly, her lips pursed and pink. He knew what she meant.  

“I’d do it for anyone,” Cassian reminded her.

Nesta raised a brow. “I won’t make my decision now.”

“I didn’t expect you to.”

“But when I do—”

“I’ll be there,” Cassian promised.

I’ll be there always.

Cassian promised.

~

Tagged:  @my-fan-side  @ekaterinakostrova  @anastasia-orlov @lord-douglas-the-third @autumnsletters @soitsgorgeous @sjm-things @courtofjurdan @rogertaylorsfalsettogivesmehives  @queenestarcheron @allilal

~

Well some things had to progress in this fic or nothing would have progressed so Cassian and Nesta have reached an understanding of some sorts. It’s a slow process who knows what will happen next (shrugs)

Unfortunately/Not so unfortunately, I’m stopping for a bit, for a week or two to finish the last part of the Nesta’s Love is Quiet trilogy. I have no idea how that’s going to go, since I abhor endings, but it will be the first fic I’ve ever finished so that’ll be fun!

I hope you liked this chapter, but if not please don’t tell me lol. 

Like, comment, reblog!!!!

Happy Reading!

#nessian #nesta archeron #cassian #nessian fanfiction #acosf #vidalinav #queen of monsters

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #338

“i can’t decide if you’re wearing me out, or wearing me well”

Are you a fan of techno? I've gotten more into it lately, actually. I've never minded it. Who’s your favorite horror movie villain/monster? Pyramid Head, though he's called Red Pyramid Thing in the movies. Do you have a favorite muscle car? Nah. I'm not big into cars. What would be a total deal-breaker for you, relationship-wise? You so much as lift your hand at me, bye, motherfucker. Would you consider yourself to be accepting of others? Yes, but not as much as I used to be. There are certain opinions I just don't tolerate in people anymore; I feel like by staying associated with people whose views invalidate or in any way harm others (racism, homophobia, transphobia, etc.), you're on the side of evil as well, even if indirectly. However, I genuinely do feel I have a wide range of viewpoints I'm willing to accept in others, even if I don't agree with them. Are you flirtatious? No. I think I'm only capable of flirting with someone I'm already with and very comfortable around. I'd feel way too shy and awkward otherwise. Have you ever just felt "drawn" to someone, but you didn’t know why? "Didn't know why," no. I've felt drawn to people with good reason, like if I was romantically interested in them. Is there anyone you currently want to reach out to? There's a number, honestly. Especially with the aid of therapy, I'm being motivated to strengthen bonds with old friends and/or acquaintances via Facebook. Freddy or Jason? I think Jason is scarier. Freddy tends to come across as cheesy for me. Have stickers or gems on your cell phone? Nah. Ever teased your hair? Bitch I damn well tried in high school because I wanted the ~ l e g i t ~ emo hair, but mine was just too heavy to hold, at least with the hairspray my sister had. Have any friends with benefits? Nah, that's never been my thing. Ever lost of bunch of valuable information? Ummm I don't believe so. I've lost massive RP posts before, but I can't really call those "valuable information." What drinks or food make you hyper? None, really. Most expensive thing you ever bought? With my own money, my snake. She's a champagne morph ball python. What type of toothpaste do you use? Crest. How much time to spend putting on makeup daily? Zero. When listening to a song, what do you listen for (lyrics, bass, beat, ect)? The beat, more than anything else. What is the color of your toothbrush? It's a white electric one. What is your favorite color(s) of eye-makeup? Black. Just black. Are you sexually active? I'm not. Do you have sensitive skin? Very. Are you attracted to several guys atm? I'm actually not attracted to any guys in my personal life atm. How many toilets are in your house? Two. Do you have an older sister? Excluding the one I don't know, I have three older sisters. Favorite song by Owl City? Probably "Hot Air Balloon," but I don't know many at all. What color is your mum’s car? White. Do you truly understand the (LDS) Mormon religion? I don't know what "LDS" means, but as my former best friend developed into a Mormon, I learned some stuff from her in her self-discovery. I don't remember a lot of it, not that I knew all that much in the first place. Where do you keep your kitty litter box? Ugh, Mom's unmovable about it being in my fucking room for some reason. And we have an extra goddamn room no one uses yet. Roman's shit STINKS, like we think something might actually be wrong, but nope, it has to stay in here. e_e It would literally inconvenience nobody if we moved it in the spare room. Are you a lighter complexion than your father? MUCH lighter. He's very tan. Do you like apricots? No. Solid soap bar or liquid body wash? 100% body wash. Bar soap slips so easily, and as someone who lives with another person, I'm not rubbing my body with the same bar my mother uses, no offense to her. Sharing it's just gross. Where do you live (country or state)? Shitty 'ole North Carolina. Do you use plastic, wooden, or wire hangers? I think we have a mix of them, actually. What is your favorite shade of yellow? I only like pastel yellow. Otherwise, it's one of my least favorite colors. Are there any shades of blue that you don’t like? If so, which ones? Ehhh not really. What is something you want to accomplish before you turn 30? God, can I please have a stable career by then. Who has the best decorated house in your town? I don't know. We live in a cul de sac community thing where it's just houses next to houses, so there's a lot to choose from. I don't pay attention to them. What is your favorite part of Halloween? The decorations. Do you feel a connection to the moon? "As above, so below," as the saying goes. What does your heart long for? Peace and contentness with myself. Did you decorate a pumpkin this year? Last year, I didn't. I do want to this year, though, if I can just think of a really good idea. I have to be motivated. What are some fall activities you would do with your kids? I'm not having kids, but I'll follow along, hypothetically. With how much joy Halloween brought me as a kid, I'd want to do SO much as a family with them. Homemade decorations, carving or painting pumpkins together, and hell yeah I'd be taking them trick-or-treating once I felt they were ready and they wanted to. I'd be one of those parents that probably spends too much on whatever costumes they want, haha... Oh, and then besides Halloween, I'd certainly rake leaf piles together for them to jump and play in. This question has brought to mind like ONE thing I could enjoy as a parent, haha. Have you ever seen a fox? I have; besides in a zoo setting, I've seen one or two in the wild run out of sight, and I also found one poor fellow as roadkill that had been disemboweled by I'm assuming vultures. With my whole roadkill photography thing, I literally almost kneeled into a strand of intestines I didn't see at first. :x What color are the squirrels where you live? We only have brown ones. Is there anything about Halloween you find offensive? lol no What do the trees look like where you live? Lots, and lots, and LOTS of pine trees... There are others, but I'm not well-informed on tree species and such. Oh, then of course there are dogwoods (our "state tree"), which are unmistakable because they smell like fucking manure. What is your dream vacation? Maybe the mountains on the western side of NC during the fall... ugh, that would be breathtaking. We actually have an abandoned The Wizard of Oz-themed park around there that allows tours at certain times of the year, and I'd love to visit and photograph there. As well, western NC has the zoo, which would be spectacular to visit with autumn weather and, once again, load up on photos. Did you like field trips when you were a kid? I LOVED field trips. Do you find museums boring or interesting? Very interesting! Would you ever wear a shirt with your country’s flag on it? No. I'm not patriotic enough at all for that. What’s a medicine that makes you sleepy? Historically, larger doses of Klonopin can knock me the fuck out. Do you like bath bombs? Never used one, because I don't do baths. Who are your favorite small YouTubers? I'm going to guesstimate you mean less than 1M subs as "small," because I really don't know what you consider to fit that description. I watch a lot of people with less than 1M, so it's hard to say, but lately it's probably been a let's player John Wolfe. He's really funny. Then there's some tarantula YouTubers, along with the animal educator Emzotic... and really just many others. I think most of the people I watch actually have sub-1M, but more than 500k. Who are your favorite big YouTubers? Markiplier is absolutely, positively #1. I also really enjoy Snake Discovery, GameGrumps, Jeffree Star (don't judge me ok, he's a fuckin hoot), and while I haven't watched them in years, Good Mythical Morning will ALWAYS be deeply, deeeeply embedded in my heart. What was your favorite girl group when you were growing up? Ummm probably the Spice Girls? Have you ever used an outhouse? Ugh, yes, at old childhood sports games. What was the last good cause you donated towards? When I cut off like 8+ inches of hair to accomplish the style I have now, I donated it to Children With Hair Loss. My hair has always been mega-thick and healthy, so why in the world waste it? One of my most cherished items is the certificate I got in return many months later that my donation had been used. Have any of your exes gotten married or had kids since your breakup? I haven't had contact with Juan in many years, don't know what Tyler's up to either, and I haven't spoken to Jason since 2017, so. I'm very doubtful he's married or has kids yet, though, just knowing him and how "I need to be fully prepared for this" he is with big life stuff like that. Does it bother you when people get super emotional? Not at all. I'll do my all to comfort them. Have you ever worked in a restaurant? No. Do you get a lot of thunderstorms where you live? Depends on the time of year. Summertime? Brief but super intense thunderstorms every late afternoon. What was the last drive-thru you went through? Taco Bell w/ Mom. Do you know anyone who claims they can see/feel spirits or other supernatural ‘things?’ No. Do either of your parents have a mental illness? My mom has depression, and Mom is also convinced Dad has either depression masked as anger and/or bipolarity, but following the divorce, I don't see it in him at all. He's never seen a doctor in that field to be diagnosed with any mental illness. What fun things are there to do where you live? Jackshit. Do you know anyone with a really poorly-trained dog? Mother of fucking god, yes. My little sister lives with her best friend, and said friend has a colossal black lab named Hudson that is absolutely uncontrollable because she neglects the shit out of him. Won't listen to you even if it saved his life. He jumps on you, barks endlessly, and if he escapes the house? Good fucking luck getting him inside. She has absolutely no right to own a dog with how shitty of an owner she honestly is. When you were growing up, did your family rent or own your home? They owned it. The idiots who were moving in after us accidentally burnt the place to a fucking crisp, and my parents were SO not happy to lose that house because people were dumb enough to place boxes atop the goddamn stove. Do you do meal-prepping? No. Do you know anyone who got preggo less than a year into their relationship? Multiple people, not that that's my business. What did you dream about last night? I don't remember it clearly, other than I was with Jason and his mother was also present. What's the biggest age difference you've ever had in a relationship? That would have been with Juan, but I don't remember exactly how old he was. I just know I was a freshman and him a senior that got held back a year or so in HS. If you could save one animal from ever becoming extinct, what animal would you pick? Probably bees, given how vital they are. Name the coolest thing about one of your grandparents. My maternal grandmother worked at Disney World. I can't remember what her position was, though. Do you ever eat peanut butter straight from the jar? If I want a healthy snack, sometimes I'll have a scoop. Do you prefer your clothes loose or close fitting? They need to be loose. Favorite thing you’ve ever painted? This big painting of meerkats grooming on burlap I did in high school. Do you always wear a bra? I question the self-love of anyone who can sleep with a bra on. ;__; Do you normally finish one book before starting another? Oh yes, I can't read more than one at a time. Do you prefer reading books, comic books, manga/graphic novels, magazines, or the newspaper? The normal book. Do you know how to play chess? I don't. Are you watching anything? No, but I do have Manson's "Third Day of a Seven Day Binge" on in another tab. What is your blood type? A-. Has anyone ever borrowed something from you and never returned it? Yes. Do you twitch when you're falling asleep? Dude, I more than "twitch." I can just suddenly spaz out and look like I'm seizing for a moment. Another side effect of my nightmare suppressant medication. Are any of your pets “overweight”? No. Has anyone ever bought you a ring? My mom has bought me a few, and Jason gave me one for one of our anniversaries. Where was the last place you took a bath/shower, other than your own house? My sister's place. What first attracted you to the last person you kissed? Just how unique and happy that way she is. And her pretty much undying loyalty. Has someone ever taken a pic of you while you were making out with someone? No, considering I wouldn't go that far with someone unless we were alone. Had a crush on someone you thought shared your sexuality, turns out didn’t? Yes. What’s your favorite color to wear? Black. Does it gross you out if a guy has hair on his chest? I personally don't find an excess of it attractive, but it doesn't "gross me out." If they bathe themselves just like everyone else, why should it? Do you think sexuality is a choice or not? It is absolutely not a choice. If it was, I'd assume most people would choose to be straight, given phobias, hatecrimes, etc... I could write an essay on this. Do you like industrial piercings? Yeah. Do you think stretched ears are disgusting? "Disgusting" is, once again, the wrong word. Gauges don't really gross me out - hell, I want tiny ones -, but they can reach a size that, to me, is not visually appealing. Did you watch animated Barbie movies when you were little? I do remember loving Princess and the Pauper as well as the Rapunzel one; my sister was addicted to them. Oh yeah! Then there was the Swan Lake one that she adored, too. We usually watched movies together. Do you like fruit in your cereal? Big No. Do you like raw vegetables? Ugh, no. Do you listen to A Day to Remember? I do! They're on my list of faves. Do you like funnel cake? I actually don't. Have you ever been with someone while they were getting a tattoo? Yuh.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''third day of a seven day binge'' by marilyn manson

[lapisdragon01]

@aeris-blue tagged me in this game!

Favorite Color: Blue!!

Three Favorite Food: Sushi, beef stroganoff, and spaghetti

Song Stuck in Your Head: "Not Your Fault" by Awolnation

Last Song I Listened to: "Washing Machine Heart" by Mitski

Last Thing I Googled: "Spaghetti" because I can never remember how to spell that word

Dream Trip: I would love to go to Toronto sometime! They have one of the largest Tranaformers conventions over there!

Current Time: 12:53 pm

Last Movie I Watched: Antman

Tea or Coffee: Tea! It has to be black and unsweetend/non-flavored

Last Show I Watched: The Bad Batch!

Currently Reading: Fanfics, as per usual

Currently Watching: Nothing atm

Sweet, Spicy, or Savory: Sweet! Also savory! I have zero spice tolerance, lol!

Thank you for tagging me, Blue! I'll tag: @swindle-licious, @wwheeljack, and anyone else who wants to join in!

[gaymusicchart]

Gay Music Chart - 2020 week 31

Welcome to the Gay Music Chart, the LGBTQA related music videos TOP 50 actuality and most request.

 Vote for your favourite LGBTQA related music videos by leaving a comment for this post on :

YOUTUBE (in the comment section of the video of the week) : https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCz7yfp-xq-b08tD6mAWwclA

BLOGGER : http://gaymusicchart.blogspot.fr

FACEBOOK : https://www.facebook.com/GayMusicChart/

TWITTER : https://twitter.com/GayMusicChart  with #GayMusicChart

TUMBLR : http://gaymusicchart.tumblr.com

 Watch all the music videos presented in our weekly playlist :

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLuIOHxXXNws05jMX_rizKjNl9q4SJoepk

  OUT : Eurovision Song-Along (Official) - Iconic Contestants Join The Party

OUT : Apolo - "Otro Nivel"

OUT : Benjamin Scheuer - "I Am Samantha"  

OUT : Danna Paola - "TQ Y YA"

OUT : Elias - "Neon Lights"

OUT : Thibaut Pez - "Que tu meures"

OUT : Nuri Harun Ateş - "Ay"

  01 (+ 1) : Lady Gaga, Ariana Grande - "Rain On Me"

LW: 02 / WO: 3 / PEAK: 01 (x1)

USA – May 2020 – from the album "Chromatica"

# 1 on Tad's Weekly LGBT Music Chart (2020 weeks 30 & 31).

 02 (+ 3) : Troye Sivan - "Easy"

LW: 05 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 02

Australia - July 2020 - from the EP "In A Dream"

 03 (=) : Ben Platt - "Rain"

LW: 03 / WO: 5 / PEAK: 02

USA - September 2019 - from the album "Sing To Me Instead" (Deluxe)

 04 (+ 3) : Melanie C - "Who I Am"        

LW: 07 / WO: 5 / PEAK: 04

UK - March 2020

The ex-Spice Girls member make a queer come back with several songs and music videos with LGBT themes. This one is about self-esteem.

 05 (+ 1) : Greyson Chance - "Dancing Next To Me"      

LW: 06 / WO: 5 / PEAK: 05

USA - February 2020

 06 (+ 2) : Bilal Hassani - "Fais le vide"

LW: 08 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 06

France - July 2020

 07 (+ 12) : JUHA - "Lucifer in Love"

LW: 19 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 07

USA - May 2020 - from the album "The Borders of the Mind"

 08 (- 4) : Scott Free - "The Last Revolution"

LW: 04 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 04

USA - June 2020 - from the album "The Last Revolution"

 09 (NEW) : Pabllo Vittar - "Rajadão"

LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 9

Brazil - July 2020

 10 (+ 13) : Duncan Laurence - "Someone Else" (Lyric Video)

LW: 23 / WO: 3 / PEAK: 10

The Netherlands - May 2020

 11 (+ 11) : Netta - "Cuckoo"

LW: 22 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 10

Israel - June 2020

 12 (+ 4) : PJ Brennan - "Bones"

LW: 16 / WO: 5 / PEAK: 03

USA - September 2019

 13 (- 3) : CRIMER - "Eyes Off Me"

LW: 10 / WO: 03 / PEAK: 10

Switzerland - July 2020

 14 (+ 24) : VINCINT - "Save Myself "

LW: 38 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 14

USA - July 2020

 15 (+ 2) : Guy Sebastian - "Standing With You"

LW: 17 / WO: 3 / PEAK: 15

Australia - June 2020

 16 (- 1) : Azis - "Who Cares"

LW: 15 / WO: 5 / PEAK: 15

Bulgaria - February 2020

 17 (- 8) : Javiera Mena - "Corazón Astral"

LW: 09 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 05

Chile - June 2020

 18 (- 4) : Will Young - "All The Songs"

LW: 14 / WO: 5 / PEAK: 12

UK - March 2019 - from the album "Lexicon"      

The British singer dares to strip naked in this music video.

 19 (- 7) : Kim Petras - "Malibu"

LW: 12 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 12

Germany - May 2020

 20 (+ 4) : Wils - "Open up Babe"

LW: 24 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 20

Singapore / USA - April 2019

 21 (- 10) : Pol Granch - "Chocolatito"

LW: 11 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 11

Spain - June 2020

 22 (- 21) : Yuma X - "Secret Lover"

LW: 01 / WO: 5 / PEAK: 01 (x3)

Australia - April 2020

The music video shows a secret relation between two men who have both a girlfriend.

 23 (- 10) : Jessie Ware - "Spotlight"

LW: 13 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 13

UK - February 2020

 24 (+ 3) : Agoney - "Más"

LW: 27 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 24

Spain - June 2020

#1 on The Gay 100 Chart (2020 week 30).

 25 (NEW) : Kazaky - "Fucking Beautiful"

LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 25

Ukraine - June 2020

 26 (- 6) : Bright Light Bright Light - "I Used To Be Cool"

LW: 20 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 19

USA - June 2020 - from the album "Fun City"

 27 (- 6) : Armstrong feat. Sur Ellz - "Truth Machine"

LW: 21 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 21

USA - May 2020

 28 (=) : Neptune Keller - "Tropical Storm"

LW: 28 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 28

Chile - April 2019

 29 (+ 5) : Declan McKenna - "The Key to Life on Earth"

LW: 34 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 29

UK - April 2020 - from the album "Zeros"

 30 (+ 2) : 청하 (CHUNG HA) - "Stay Tonight"

LW: 32 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 30

South Korea - April 2020

 31 (NEW) : LP - "The One That You Love"

LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 31

USA - July 2020 - from the album "Superheroes"

 32 (+ 12) : Monét X Change - "March"

LW: 44 / WO: 3 / PEAK: 32

USA - June 2020

 33 (+ 7) : LP - "Shaken"          

LW: 40 / WO: 5 / PEAK: 14

USA - June 2019 - from the album "Heart to Mouth"

 34 (+ 7) : Thomas Sanders feat. Jon Cozart - "A Gay Disney Prince"

LW: 41 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 34

USA - August 2019

Both Youtubers dreams about a gay Disney Prince, which finally be a first LGBTQ+ model for LGBTQ+ children.

 35 (- 10) : Макс Барских (Max Barskih) - "Лей, не жалей" (Ley, ne zhaley)    

LW: 25 / WO: 5 / PEAK: 03

Ukraine - February 2020

 36 (- 18) : Hoshi - "Amour censure"

LW: 18 / WO: 5 / PEAK: 11

France - December 2019 - from the album "Sommeil levant"

A song for tolerance and gay love, and a music video against "La manif pour tous", a collective against LGBT rights in France.

 37 (- 8) : Christopher Sorensen - "Way. Way. Back"

LW: 29 / WO: 5 / PEAK: 02

USA - November 2019

A sweet music video about two childhood friends at three different moments of their lives, who faced the opposition of the father of one of them when he discovered they were lovers.

 38 (- 8) : Myylo - "Kissing on Your Dad"

LW: 30 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 30

USA - July 2020

A fun song about a man who tells to a kid he's dating his father.

 39 (- 3) : Vini Uehara - "4NTENA"

LW: 36 / WO: 3 / PEAK: 31

Brazil - June 2020

 40 (- 9) : Tom Goss - "Regretting"

LW: 31 / WO: 3 / PEAK: 31

USA - June 2020 - from the album "Territories"

 41 (- 15) : Holland (홀랜드) - "Loved You Better"

LW: 26 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 26

South Korea - December 2019

 42 (=) : Romy, Tanishk Bagchi & Yo Yo Honey Singh - "Pyaar Tenu Karda Gabru"

LW: 42 / WO: 5 / PEAK: 14

India - January 2020 - from the OST "Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan"

This song is taken from the first Bollywood gay movie "Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan" which tells the story of a gay couple who must face the opposition of the father of one of them.

 43 (NEW) : Agustín Malandra - "Bien Orgullosas"

LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 43

Argentina - July 2020 - from the mini-album "GEMINI"

 44 (- 1) : Static (סטטיק) and Ben El Tavori (בן אל תבורי) & Nasrin Kadri (נסרין קדרי) - "חביב אלבי " ("Habib Albi")

LW: 43 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 43

Israel - June 2020

This is the official song for Tel Aviv Pride 2020.

 45 (NEW) : Sam Smith, Demi Lovato - "I'm Ready"

LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 45

UK / USA - April 2020

 46 (- 13) : Сергей Лазарев (Sergey Lazarev) - "Я не боюсь" ("Ya ne boyus")

LW: 33 / WO: 5 / PEAK: 11

Russia - November 2019 - from the EP "Я не боюсь"

With this song called "I'm not afraid", Sergey Lazarev shows subtly that you don't have to be afraid to love who you want.

 47 (+ 2) : Esteman - "Hasta Que Tú Me Quieras"

LW: 49 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 28

Colombia - March 2020

 48 (NEW) : Ana Gabriela - "X"

LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 48

Brazil - June 2020

 49 (- 14) : Beverly -「尊い」(tōtoi)

LW: 35 / WO: 5 / PEAK: 25

Japan - November 2019 - from the album「INFINITY」

 50 (NEW) : Bruno Gadiol - "Relacionamento aberto"

LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 50

Brazil - July 2020

   ALSO NEW THIS WEEK

 Perdenin Ardındakiler - "Düşlerim Zifiri Karanlık"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

Turkey - July 2020

 Manel Mallat منال ملاط - "Kol Al Alwan" (كل الألوان)

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

Lebanon - July 2019

 Ivri Lider (עברי לידר) – "המזרח התיכון" ("The Middle East")

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

Israel - May 2020

 Lavwa arkansiel - "Nu enn arkansiel"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

Mauritius - June 2020

 Bilal Hassani - "Dead Bae"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

France - July 2020

 Aloïse Sauvage - "Omowi"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

France - February 2020 - from the album "Dévorantes"

An enjoyable song about LGBT proud.

 Christine and the Queens - "I disappear in your arms"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

France - April 2020 - from the EP "La vita nuova"

 Mahmood, Massimo Pericolo - "Moonlight Popolare"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

Italy - May 2020

We can’t show you the music video because of copyright restrictions. Watch the music video in our playlist !

 Melanie C - "In and Out Of Love"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

UK - July 2020 - from the album "Melanie C"

 Dotan - "No Words"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

The Netherlands - May 2020 - from the EP "Numb"

 Elias - "Praying For Love"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

Sweden - May 2020

 Magnus Carlsson - "My Freedom" (Stockholm Pride 2020)

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

Sweden - July 2020

 Kuba Jasiecki - "Ray of Light" (Borås Pride 2020)

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

Sweden - May 2020

 The Lovers of Valdaro - "Rhythm and Decibel"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

Sweden - May 2020

 Danny - "Mocoso"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

Spain - June 2020

 Julián Santos - "No Hay Marcha Atrás"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

Spain - July 2020

 Hiran e Tom Veloso - "Gosto de Quero Mais"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

Brazil - July 2020

 Stefan Alexander - "Thunderclap"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

USA - September 2019 - from the EP "Thunderclap"

 Perfume Genius - "On The Floor"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

USA - March 2020 - from the album "Set My Heart on Fire Immediately"

 Chaz Cardigan - "Everything's Wrong"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

USA - July 2020

 Tegan and Sara - "I Know I'm Not the Only One"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

Canada - July 2020 - from the album "Hey, I’m Just Like You"

 Andika Mahesa - "Tunggu Aku"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

Indonesia - July 2020

 AR-T - "အိပ်မက်လေး" ("Eain Mat Lay")

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

Myanmar - July 2020

 ต้น ธนษิต Ton Thanasit - "Truth or Dare"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

Thailand - September 2019

 Dược sĩ Tiến - "Lối Thoát" ("Exit")

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

Vietnam - April 2020 - from the OST "Cuộc tẩu thoát sinh tử"

 이하이 (LEE HI) - "홀로" ("HOLO")

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

South Korea - July 2020

 Alex Newell - "Boy, You Can Keep It"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

USA - February 2020

 Ric Wilson - "Fight Like Ida B & Marsha P"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

USA - July 2020

  Cakes Da Killa - "Don Dada" LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: - USA - June 2020

#1 on Weekly Top 40 LGBT Urban Chart (2020 week 30)

 Genny Random - "Bibbidi Chulo"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

Italy - July 2020

 Sem&Stènn - "18 anni"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

Italy - May 2020

  See you next week !

#Gay Music Chart #gay #music #LGBT #2020 week 31

[veerzaara]

margot robbie is still the white girl of my dreams even though she has zero spice tolerance

#shes eating the FIRST hot wing and she looks like shes about to cry #margot robbie #hot ones

[fuckyeahkagepro]

Kagerou Project Comparisons ~ Ayano (crying) in the classroom + References & Analysis Konoha no Sekai Jijou pv [May 2012] * Ayano debuts here for the first time * in between, the 1st various initial official character profiles are released. these were published on Jin’s website, the 2012 Disintegration Book, etc. * Manga’s 1st route began not long after [June 15 2012] ** and now we have 2nd Manga Route′s ending’s bonus chapter [2019] * Ayano crying in the classroom is seen at around 2:52 timemark. In Toumei Answer pv [2012], before Manga Route’s start; * we also saw Ayano folding paper cranes in the same classroom ** the same paper cranes show up in “Additional Memory” pv [2018] along with elsewhere in the pre-2016 fandom era main canon; *** and now, again, in the 2nd Manga Route’s ending’s bonus chapter. very related (bolding/italics/caps mine for plot-related emphasis): “Sadako and the Thousand Paper Cranes”:

The short novel is a fictional retelling of the story of Sadako Sasaki, who lived in Hiroshima at the time of the atomic bombing by the United States. Sadako was 2 years old when the atomic bomb (Little Boy) was dropped on August 6, 1945, near her home by Misasa Bridge in Hiroshima, Japan. She was at home when the explosion occurred, about one mile from ground zero. In November 1954, when she was 12 she developed swellings on her neck and behind her ears. In January 1955, purple spots had formed on her legs. Subsequently, she was diagnosed with leukemia (her mother referred to it as "an atom bomb disease"). She was hospitalized on February 21, 1955, and given a year to live.

After being diagnosed with leukemia from the radiation, Sadako's friend told her to fold origami paper cranes (orizuru) in hope of making a thousand of them. She was inspired to do so by the Japanese legend that one who created a thousand origami cranes would be granted a WISH. Her wish was simply to live. In this retelling of her story, she managed to fold only 644 cranes before she became too weak to fold any more, and died on the morning of October 25, 1955. Her friends and family helped finish her dream by folding the rest of the cranes, which were buried with Sadako.

However, the claim in the book that Sadako "died before completing the 1000 cranes, and her two friends completed the task, placing the finished cranes in her casket" is not backed up by her surviving family members. According to her family, and especially her older brother Masahiro Sasaki who speaks on his sister's life at events, Sadako not only exceeded 644 cranes, she exceeded her goal of 1000 and died having folded approximately 1400 paper cranes. Masahiro Sadako, says in his book The Complete Story of Sadako Sasaki that she exceeded her goal. Mr. Sasaki and the family have donated some of Sadako's cranes at places of importance around the world: in NYC at the 9-11 memorial, at Pearl Harbor, Hawaii, at The Truman Library & Museum on November 19, 2015, at Museum Of Tolerance on May 26, 2016, and the Japanese-American National Museum three days later.

After her death, Sadako's friends and schoolmates published a collection of letters in order to raise funds to build a memorial to her and all of the children who had died from the effects of the atomic bomb. In 1958, a statue of Sadako holding a golden crane was unveiled in the Hiroshima Peace Memorial, also called the Genbaku Dome, and installed in the Hiroshima Peace Park.

At the foot of the statue is a plaque that reads: "This is our cry. This is our prayer. Peace on Earth." Every year on Obon Day, which is a holiday in Japan to remember the departed spirits of one's ancestors, thousands of people leave paper cranes near the statue. A paper crane database has been established online for contributors to leave a message of peace and to keep a record of those who have donated cranes.

* Obon Day is referenced numerous times in relation to Kagepro’s plot as well and is literally the day “August 15th” can occur on in multiple instances. It is implied to be happening during the timeframe of Kagepro’s main plot / on August 15th of that year (confirmed by Kenjirou multiple times when speaking to Momo).

* Jin has actually expressed a disappointment before / seemed upset (on his twitter) that some Kagepro fans on the Japanese side of the fanbase don’t respect Obon Day.

In Jin’s interview with SPICE magazine [Jan 2019] he mentions:

(INTERVIEWER): ──So it seems that “summer”* [*in the seires/also in regards to Jin’s music production] hasn’t ended yet.

JIN: No, it won’t end. Ever since Kagerou Project started, I haven’t had days off during Obon (bitter smile). I can’t go visit graves because I ended up making 8/15 into a key-date! I’m really sorry for my ancestors! Well, when it ends, I’m thinking of going over it* [*visiting?].

(INTERVIEWER): ──You have to put off the date, huh (laughs). We also have Buddhist services during equinoctial week.

JIN: That’s right (laughs), I have to do my best from now on too.

BONUS COMPARISONS: Toumei Answer pv; May 30 2012*: *after Konoha no Sekai Jijou pv + included on the “Mekakucity Days” Music Route album [May 30 2012]: [*animated by earlier pv artist Wannyanpuu, NOT Sidu]

^ FRIENDLY REMINDER: Retaining Eyes (Yakitsukeru) does not wear Ayano’s scarf.

BONUS (MY THEORY):

THE REASON RETAINING EYES DOES NOT WEAR A SCARF

- IS BECAUSE SHE ALREADY “GAVE” IT TO SHINTARO KISARAGI.

- IN THE 2ND MANGA ROUTE’S ENDING + END OF LOST TIME MEMORY PV [MUSIC ROUTE] / ETC SIMILAR SCENES. * However, when “the time” is “repeated”/reloaded, she (if as Retaining Eyes or Ayano in the “real world”) wakes up with it again unless/until Shintaro can remember.

* Mekakucity Actors Route [1st anime] would later not air until April 2014. * Retaining Eyes Ayano is visible / seen in the very first episode (Shintaro’s dreams) among other scenes (as scarf-less Ayano). + JIN “HAD THE ENDING DECIDED FROM THE BEGINNING”. - from Jin’s Library Live Q&A Report (confirmed by Japanese fans).

#kagepro #ayano tateyama #shinaya #retaining eyes #shintaro kisaragi #kagepro: theories #kagepro: comparisons #kagepro: refs #fuckyeahkagepro theories #fuckyeahkagepro posts #fuckyeahkagepro analysis #fuckyeahkagepro comparisons #japanese culture #japan #ayano theories #ayaki theories #shintaro theories #shinaya theories #paper cranes #kagepro: locations #ayanos classroom #ayanos daze #shinayas classroom #(SO HEYYYYYY ME YELLING AS I READ THE BONUS CHAPTER AND BASICALLY RE PUTTING THIS COMPARISONS THEORY TOGETHER HEYYYYY) #(CAN WE PLS YELL ABOUT HOW JIN OBVIOUSLY DECIDED ON A LOT OF THINGS SINCE THE BEGINNING ALBUM) #fuckyeahkagepro caps #toumei answer #konohas state of the world: caps #(YOU ALL THOUGHT AYANO WAS CRYING SIMPLY BC OF FINDING OUT SAERU'S PLAN BUT IN RELATION IT RELATED TO ALL OF THIS AND RETAINING EYES!!!)

[overcaffeinated-creative]

Nabrina Shala

(More Information Under Cut)

Biographical Information

Homeworld: Ryloth

Born: 49 BBY

Physical Description

Species: Twi'lek

Gender: Female

Height: 1.52 Meters

Mass: 54.4 Kilograms

Hair Color: N/A

Eye Color: Yellow

Skin Color: Dark Red

Notable Features: - Lethan Twi'lek - Eyebrows Painted on as Dots - Lighter red dappling along lekku and extremities - Hourglass Figure

Short Biography

Nabrina was born on Ryloth in the slums of Lessu to a deadbeat father and overworked mother. No memory of her father could ever count as a good one. He was hungover (from alcohol or spice), out cheating on her mother, or gambling what little money the family had away. Meanwhile her mother worked many double shifts as a diner waitress to make ends meet. After her father became indebted to the loanshark her mother was put to work as entertainment in a local Spice Den. It was here she worked until her death when Nabrina was ten.

Against all odds, spunky young Nabrina fought for her future. All of her hard work was rewarded with a full ride to one of the local universities to study. Studying hard in her classes she hoped to one day become a teacher to help the less fortunate rise. While working at her part-time job as a waitress/bartender for an upscale club she met her future husband. In spite of being madly in love the two had to keep their love secret until she graduated. He was a professor at the very school she attended. After her graduation the two happily wed relocated to the small city of Nabt. For three years, everything carried on far better than she could have ever dreamed of. They adopted a kath-hound puppy, began planning for children, and even began to foster a darling little boy.

When tragedy finally struck it hit her family hard. Nabrina had left in the late afternoon for a doctor’s appointment and was to return home with great news: she was two months pregnant! However, the scene she arrived home to was grizzly. The family pet was dead, her husband unconscious, and their future son gone. It turned out the child’s biological father had sold him to Slavers. Aware of their location, hired thugs showed up to collect what they considered theirs. While fruitless searching for their lost son yet more horror struck. Their speeder was struck in an accident killing her husband and causing her to miscarry.

Drifting throughout the Galaxy for several years she finally came to reside on Krownest. The snowy landscape reminding her nothing of the home she left behind. Knowing her degree would be less credible here she took up bartending again. It would do enough while she finally worked to move forward with her life.

Random Facts and Trivia

- Everything about Nabrina Shala, including her name, is a complete lie. Her real name is Ivaadi Rihe, she was born on Coruscant, and raised her entire life within the Jedi Temple. She has never known any of the hardships she claims.

- Ivaadi’s real business on Krownest has nothing to do with personal recovery and growth. With war brewing within the Galaxy’s near future the Republic wants to make sure Mandalore stays in line. To do so she is tasked with keeping enough social dishevel going to prevent a united front against the Republic approved New Mandalorians. If she can suss out the dealings of the smugglers in what is quickly becoming a shadowport then all the better.

- Her main means of warfare within the sector is the Holonet. Ivaadi runs several blogs, under various names, that focus on keeping the New Mandalorians united while promoting a zero tolerance rule toward any dissenting ideas. While her personas (and as a personal ideology) admit to some flaws in the current system she offers solution. No matter what they do the Pacifist's Way is better than the Imperialistic Mandalore of the Past.

- In her day to day life, Ivaadi frequently trues to sway others to her way of thinking. A prime target of such attempts became Mirdala Nau, an area favorite and Junior Constable of the New Mandalorian System. The fact she cannot get a read on Nau’s mind or emotional state due to heavy mental barriers, as well as her clear Force Sensitivity, makes her even more of a target. Thus, she moves to inflirate her group of friends and co-workers as well.

- Ivaadi’s favorite thing to decry the Mandalorians of Old include the now limited resources of their planets as well as the Battle of Cathar. The fact such battle happened all the way during the Mandalorian Wars mean nothing because of the brutality exhibited. They murdered 90% of the entire Cathar species for nothing.

- No part of Ivaadi see’s anything wrong with current levels of censorship within the Mandalore Sector. To her, keeping down Problematic Ideas while pushing the better one’s forward make sense. If some toes get stepped what’s the real hurt? To the Galaxy at large Mandalore is finally looking civilized.

- In combat, she favors Hand-to-Hand and Force Powers over a lightsaber. A bitter truth is a much better shot than a duelist and frankly is terrible at shooting too. Hit and Run Tactics are the best she can do when cornered on her own.

- Ivaadi knows people find her “exotic” and “alluring” and frequently attempts to play it to her advantage. Occasionally it even works but almost entirely on non-locals.

- The entire reason she applies her eyebrows as dots is to look “mysterious”.

- Among the Order she would be classified as a Sentinel and often toes the line between investigator and spy. Mandalore is her first truly long term mission including an indefinite end date.

- One of her flaws was taking Mirdala’s Sephi appearance at face value. It never crossed her mind that she could be part-Kiffar or even be in possession of their Touch Telepathy ability. Therefore her cover as a spy was blown the first time Mirdala read something of hers. Whatever goals she accomplishes is because she being used to bait our the bigger fish.

- Ivaadi at the Temple:

#caff made people #star wars ocs #nabrina shala #ivaadi rihe #cw alcohol #cw drug abuse #cw miscarriage #cw murder #cw angst #cw power imbalance #cw age difference #nabrina is a disaster and frankly horrible person #when mirdala takes her down it will be amazing #the yellow symbolizes what a coward she is #cw animal death

[ocs-res]

MU5KETEERS Members Profile

MU5KETEERS is a boy group formed and managed by Juno Entertainment. The group consists of 5 members: Siwoo, Sam, Jasper, Zero, and Sula. The group debuted with the EP Together as One.

MU5KETEERS is known for producing and writing their own songs, as well as choreographing their own performances. The group is considered to be one of the most influential groups and have been labeled as the “Nation’s Most Beloved Idol” by various media outlets.

Fandom Name: Candy Bars

Fandom Color(s): Emerald Green

Members:

Siwoo

Stage Name: Siwoo (시우)

Given Name: Jin Si Woo (진시우)

Position: Leader, Main Vocalist

DOB: September 4

Zodiac: Virgo

Height: 180 cm (5’ 11”)

Weight: 68 kg (150 lbs)

Blood Type: O

MTBI: ISFJ-T

Nationality: Korean

Fun Facts:

He was born and raised in Jeonju, South Korea.

He has a younger brother and a younger sister.

In his spare time, he enjoys traveling domestically and improv.

He writes and choreographs the group’s songs with Zero and Sam respectively.

He is the oldest member of the group.

The other members consider him to be the “dad” of the group.

He has acted in several Korean dramas and movies.

He was chosen as one of the idols with the most acting potential along with, fellow company mate, Fuji from Celestial Q.

Sam

Stage Name: Sam (샘)

Given Name: Phaibun Saeueng (ชิตพล แซ่อึ้ง)

Position: Main Dancer, Lead Vocalist

DOB: March 19

Zodiac: Pisces

Height: 178 cm (5’ 10”)

Weight: 64 kg (141 lbs)

Blood Type: A

MBTI: ENFP-T

Nationality: Thai

Fun Facts:

He was born and raised in Lopburi, Thailand.

He has two older sisters.

In his spare time, he enjoys writing letters.

According to his members, he tends to speak in a higher pitch tone in front of the camera.

He is the shortest member of the group.

The other members chose him as the most caring member of the group and consider him to be the “mom” of the group.

He choreographs the group’s performances with Siwoo.

He is scared of dogs regardless of size because he was bitten by one as a child.

Jasper

Stage Name: Jasper (재스퍼)

Given Name: Choi Jae Hyun (최재현)

Position: Visual, Main Rapper, Sub Vocalist

DOB: June 27

Zodiac: Cancer

Height: 185 cm (6′ 1″)

Weight: 74 kg (163 lbs)

Blood Type: O

MBTI: ESTJ-A

Nationality: Korean

Fun Facts:

He was born and raised in Seoul, South Korea.

He is an only child.

In his spare time, he enjoys studying and learning new things.

He used to be a law student but later dropped out to pursue his dreams as an idol.

He lived in Canada and Australia for a couple of years.

Other celebrities have chosen him as the #1 male idol they would like to get close to.

The other members chose him as the visual and the member with the best memory.

He dislikes olives but will eat them if they’re on pizza.

Zero

Stage Name: Zero (제로)

Given Name: Ma Yao Long (马尧龙)

Position: Lead Dancer, Main Vocalist, Sub Rapper

DOB: June 8

Zodiac: Gemini

Height: 180 cm (5’ 11”)

Weight: 72 kg (159 lbs)

Blood Type: AB

MBTI: INFJ-T

Nationality: Chinese

Fun Facts:

He was born and raised in Beijing, China.

He is an only child.

In his spare time, he enjoys going on walks.

He practiced martial arts since he was a child, and his specialty is tumbling.

The other members chose him as the most athletic member.

He writes and produces the group’s songs with Sula and Siwoo respectively.

He has the highest spice tolerance of the group.

He dislikes cilantro because it tastes like soap to him.

Sula

Stage Name: Sula (수라)

Given Name: Na Sul A (나술아)

Position: Maknae, Lead Rapper, Sub Vocalist

DOB: January 7

Zodiac: Capricorn

Height: 188 cm (6’ 2″)

Weight: 78 kg (172 lbs)

Blood Type: B

MBTI: ISFP-A

Nationality: Korean

Fun Facts:

He was born and raised in Inje, South Korea.

He is an only child.

In his spare time, he enjoys painting and crafting.

He was an MC on Music House with Fuji from Celestial Q.

He produces the group’s songs along with Zero.

The other members chose him as the vitamin and mood maker of the group.

Despite being the youngest of the group, Sula is the tallest member.

Even though he considers himself an introvert, he has the most idol friends according to the other members.

#res's ocs #bg ocs #oc #Group: MU5KETEERS #oc profile #oc text blobs #res stfu and sleep #juno ent ocs #OC: Siwoo #OC: Sam #OC: Jasper #OC: Zero #OC: Sula #idol ocs

[cosmosogler]

hi guys. today cleo woke me up before 5 am. 

i had fallen asleep sometime after 1 so i was Not Happy. mom asked me what i  was doing up and i don’t remember if i actually responded or not. i let the dogs outside. wiley was a hassle to get back inside because it was kind of nice out. then as soon as i closed the door behind me and turned around diogi wanted to go outside, because she hadn’t wanted to go outside ten minutes previously. by the time i herded her over to the grass and blocked her off from wandering around the pool the sun was up. 

i went back to sleep even though my body was awake. i think i had craig dreams but they only made me mildly angry. i was mostly frustrated with the people around him. which has been happening in those dreams the last few times i’ve had them over the last, like, year and a half. 

then cleo woke me up by shrieking at 8, and also my alarm went off for some ungodly reason. i booted everyone else out of my bed and out of my room and closed the door. then cleo spent the next literal hour rattling my door and howling. i didn’t want to hurt her or anything, but i did want to cry. by the time she went downstairs to wake someone else up my alarm went off again. i slept in an extra 45 minutes despite the rattling starting up again sometime in the last 15 minutes of my “nap.” 

i was really too tired to do much today. i caught up on some comics, i watched a lot of not-video-game youtube videos, and i started looking up some resources for group-based activities around town. there was something that looked really cool that meets next tuesday... i think it’s all day, or in the evening, so it won’t conflict with therapy.

i had more pesto leftovers with mom. this time i let her start eating way before me so by the time i sat down her concert of disgusting vomit-inducing mouth noises was almost finished. in hell everyone communicates by chewing with their mouths open. the lip-smacking asmr videos make me want to scream and throw my computer.

i don’t actually, like, go and listen to them or anything. but it’s come up before.

sleep deprivation for this many nights in a row (5 i think? 6?) has reduced my patience level to approximately absolute zero. i was having trouble sleeping all year but the last week has been... something special.

i washed my siblings’ bed sheets today instead of dusting. mom wants me to wash all of the sheets every week. i don’t know if that’s really the most efficient use of our water, considering every advice site i’ve looked at has said something along the lines of “washing your sheets every two weeks is great, but once a month or so is also good.” 

maybe there’s no drawbacks to washing your sheets that often. i just don’t know how fast they wear out.

this is bad, but despite telling oz i was too tired to watch a movie, i sat and watched a really long critique of the bbc sherlock show in the late afternoon. i guess part of it was watching something that long by myself i didn’t have to also talk to anyone... 

about halfway through i paused to greet my brother and father as they had returned from their mud run, feed the dogs, and get some thai food with mom. i think i hurt myself trying to eat food that was too spicy... i felt really sick afterward and my stomach is still kind of grouchy with me. even though i am also hungry again because i wasn’t actually full when i stopped eating, i just couldn’t deal with my nerves disintegrating any more.

i keep getting spicy food hoping i’ll develop a better tolerance. i’ve got enough of one to tell different kinds of spices apart and appreciate different “flavors” of “OH GOD WHY IT’S SO HOT IT HURTS” and not get that sick. but the legendary Thai Hot seems to be forever out of my range. Double Thai Hot exists only in rumors. i saw jay get Double Thai Hot once. he caught on fire. and also cried.

i really love the soups that this place makes, but mom doesn’t like the very unique flavors so we didn’t get any. i wouldn’t have ordered the most spice that the cook is willing to give white people if we had gotten soup haha...

ehh, i boxed the leftovers for later. it’s not as good reheated, but i have a strong need for pahd thai and one sitting isn’t going to satisfy me.

oh yeah! around lunchtime i went out and blasted the dogs with the hose. i didn’t brush them afterward because there are five dogs and i didn’t want anyone to get sat on trying to get my brush’s attention. i didn’t take anyone to the mail box today though because it was over 100 even after the sun went down. even i didn’t want to walk the 2 minutes over to the mailbox.

and i maybe figured out what i’m gonna do with that gold bottle cap. i’m gonna slap it on a shiny magikarp and ship him off on the wonder trade. since it has a... less helpful nature (but not as bad as the other two) and no good ivs it will benefit the most from a gold bottle cap, which boosts all your stats to the maximum. all of the pokemon i am hyper training only need half their stats boosted. it’s not too hard to get 3 regular bottle caps, it just takes a while, especially if i am not using the fishing hole because i can’t be bothered to split my attention between film theory and watching my 3ds screen for a 1-second alert that i have to react to.

tomorrow... i gotta email my apartment complex or see if i can find the bed size myself so we can do the new sheets and stuff. and i gotta contact my relatives about my graduation party near the end of july. i think it’s the 23rd. and maybe i will check out one of the social activities available this side of town if i can find one that meets on sundays and is also interesting and/or small enough that it won’t be overwhelming. i would also like to maybe finish the owl picture since i have not worked on that in basically a whole week. and i gotta get this grody nail polish off my fingernails. it can stay on my toenails though because it still looks nice and is also maybe hiding a crack from when i accidentally stomped on my own toes while walking wiley.

it’s kind of weird but i make a very specific series of noises when i am hurt. i think being angry and then disappointed helps me get over the fact that it hurts a little more quickly. like when eve or diogi step on me with their claws, or when i bang my shin against a corner, or when i step on my toes and crack the nail. or burn my hands because the sink water is extremely hot for some reason.

i think... maybe tomorrow i will also try to do one thing from my to-do jar for the first time in over a week. i’ve done most of the major dusting so i will probably only need to devote about 5 minutes to that tomorrow. or maybe i could wipe down the window shades since the duster doesn’t do anything but kick up the dirt.

oh, also marisol is getting back in tomorrow evening so i can finally return her angle and hre devil. whiskey is a good boy. he likes to be picked up and cuddled with, and he is also the size of a small floppy pillow. and also he doesn’t SCREAM AT 4:30 IN THE MORNING WHICH IS A GREAT PERK!!!

it’s about 10 minutes early, but i think i am going to stop soon and get ready for bed. maybe i should take the dogs outside so cleo will wake me up at 6 instead of before 5.

one thing that just occurred to me is that i didn’t feel as depressed today. i mean yeah i felt extremely lethargic and nauseous and i had a headache for literally the whole day no matter how much water i drank. but i also just didn’t put much time into thinking about how bad i feel. i think that is about as good as it gets for me. i don’t know if that’s healthy or not though. since it might just be holding them in instead of dealing with them? i can’t tell if i am avoiding my bad feelings or successfully coping with them. tomorrow i might make some oatmeal cookies... our mixes and doughs are starting to creep up to their expiration dates. asher is getting back in about a week, so i will bake the snickerdoodles around that time. i will have to check for nuts in the mix though. like “this product was made in a facility that also processes nuts” or whatever.

i think maybe trying to jump back on the “doing things” wagon will help me go forward again. and maybe find a goal, since my first one of “learn better cognitive skills to deal with incoming anxiety” got smashed with the whole “you’re not working hard to get better” thing. i guess doing things isn’t working hard. but it keeps me in a better mood than not doing things.

i have ranked my goals in order from “short-term” to “realistically attainable at some point in the future when broken into smaller steps” to “life goals” to “optional bonus round.” well, i don’t really have a lot of goals to put into any of those categories, but i feel that it will be a useful ladder to use if i do find some goals to have. maybe that will help me draw a picture of “who i want to be” which will give me some kind of vague idea of what i should look like in the future? what philosophies are important to me? how do i want to treat other people? what do i think about these and these issues and what am i going to do about them? 

i will try not to overwhelm myself right away and just kind of pick things up as i walk by them for now. and i will keep doing a few stretches during the day. 

maybe, starting on monday or tuesday, i will put some time into trying to feel invested in my writing again. i still remember where a lot of “following that train of thought” needs to happen. after i get everything down for real this time i can start cutting unnecessary things out and making an actual next draft. that’s always the REALLY hard part for me. 

i think i could do that on tuesday. ask for some input from my therapist in specifically feeling more interested in things i create.

ok, now it is just after 12:25. i have now made full use of my allotted journal time and i feel like i maybe got somewhere with it which is nice. now i just gotta pick up all these beans and play the lottery.

[tebbyclinic11]

I Hid Who I Was for So Long. Until I Became a Cook...

New Post has been published on http://kitchengadgetsreviews.com/i-hid-who-i-was-for-so-long-until-i-became-a-cook/

I Hid Who I Was for So Long. Until I Became a Cook...

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I was a curly-haired, wide-eyed toddler with a big smile, and I was mute. My parents, worried that their three-year-old had yet to say a word, took me to a speech therapist, only to find out there was nothing wrong. I simply was not ready to speak. I couldn’t yet open myself up to the world.

Soon I learned to say made-up words, like gheneh for ice cream and hom hom for food. By the time I was four I could speak well enough to ask for the birthday gift of my dreams: a Fisher-Price kitchen. Standing at my bright white plastic countertop with its yellow sink and pink cookware, I thought I was a petite Jacques Pépin. You have to understand: I didn’t watch Power Rangers; I sat in front of the TV mesmerized by Pépin and Julia Child and Martin Yan on Yan Can Cook.

When I was still light enough to be picked up and set on the kitchen counter, I’d gaze at my mother as she combined spices from unlabeled jars to create dishes she had learned from her mother in Iran—ones that I would eventually learn from her. I’d watch as she went through the meticulous steps of making polo, fluffy Persian rice, before tossing it with saffron that had been bloomed in rose water. In the summer my eyes would tingle and begin to water from the harsh smell of vinegar all over the house, as my father and my grandparents would make torshi, Iranian pickles. Food, and cooking in particular, is what my parents brought with them when they emigrated from Iran to Berkeley, California, in 1977, 12 years before I was born. I remember the charred, lacy texture of piaz dagh—literally “hot onions.” I was in awe of the rich colors of the thick, glossy fruit jams my dad would make. I didn’t know it at the time, but it was the beginning of my education as a cook.

When I started to experiment in the kitchen in my preteens, I wasn’t making anything complicated. My idea of fancy was topping a frozen pizza with sun-dried tomatoes and fresh basil. By the time I was 15, my cooking got more elaborate. I began studying cookbooks and making labor-intensive dinners: artichoke soup with tomato confit one night, roasted quail stuffed with pine nuts and currants another.

After the love I had for my mother, food became my second love. It turned into an obsession. But not until recently did I realize that it is what allowed me to figure out who I am.

Photo by Fatemeh Baraghani

Little Andy celebrates Nowruz, Persian New Year, in style.

When I started kindergarten I was a painfully quiet boy with a deep love for a particular purple turtleneck sweater, little interest in sports, and zero desire to kiss girls. While I didn’t know the exact term, I knew I was gay—and I was picked on at school because of that for years.

I was six years old when I got chased for the first time by a group of boys with sticks.

I was eight years old when I realized I was the only boy at an all-girls birthday party.

I was nine years old when a group of laughing boys locked me in a bathroom stall, and I just hoped no adult would find me, to avoid any further embarrassment.

I was 12 when I ran faster than any other boy in a race. I’d had plenty of practice.

I could barely say aloud the words that I was being called. If I repeated them, I would be calling myself that, revealing my sexuality for the first time.

Finally, when I was 12, I transferred to a new school district where I didn’t know anyone. It was my Madonna Ray of Light/Kabbalah moment: a time to rebrand. I changed the way I dressed; I tamed my thick black hair. I became a master at hiding my sexuality.

By the time I finished high school, I had already worked in three restaurants, including Chez Panisse. At the time there was a sous-chef at the café upstairs who was gay: He was calm and quiet and strong, and he was an exceptional cook. There was no tolerance for dismissive or negative behavior toward anyone for their gender, sexuality, or race. I remember a male line cook being fired after saying to a woman who was interning, “Just sit over there and look pretty.” Chez Panisse showed me that a kitchen was a place where I could belong.

Photo by Alex Lau

Get Andy’s recipe for tachin, Crunchy Baked Saffron Rice with Barberries.

That is, to this day, the only restaurant kitchen I’ve worked in alongside another out gay man on the line. While the restaurants I cooked at were male-led, they weren’t exactly environments that encouraged me to come out. But I liked being part of a team, working toward a common goal: We were all there to make food that was as delicious as possible. I liked wearing a uniform. But more than anything, I liked feeling, for the first time, that I was being judged on my skills and nothing else. And as I became more confident as a cook— gliding swiftly and efficiently at my station, tasting a dish to decipher whether it might need more salt or acid—I began to accept my sexuality both within and outside of that space.

When I moved to New York for college, I met someone who would become my first boyfriend, and there was no turning back. We were each other’s first boyfriends, and, like many other young people in love, I thought that my first relationship would be an everlasting one. With his help I came out to my mother. But I wasn’t ready to come out to my dad, and I asked my mother not to tell him. She kept that secret for what must have been a year and a half.

When I finally told my dad, I didn’t say, “I’m gay.” I said, “I’m seeing a man.” He said, “No matter what, I’ve always wanted you and your sister to be happy and healthy.” I thought I would feel a huge weight lifted after coming out to my dad, but it doesn’t really happen like that.

A year later I was in front of the historic Stonewall Inn in New York the day gay marriage became legal. I don’t know how we all ended up there—hundreds of people celebrating in the late afternoon. I just remember everyone texting each other: When are you getting there, how are you getting there, are you leaving work early? I was 21 years old; it wasn’t like I was planning to get married any time soon. I just knew I needed to be there.

In the middle of this, I got a call from my father. I’m not even sure why I answered at that moment (rather than calling him back later) because typically he just likes to check in and make sure I’m dressed warmly enough. But that day was different. He said he didn’t want to hold me up; he just wanted to hear my voice and say that he knew it was a big day for us in New York. I spoke to him for barely a minute. He said so little, but it was everything I needed to hear.

Photo by Fatemeh Baraghani

Four-year-old Andy and his prize possession: a Fisher-Price kitchen.

By the time I turned 21, I had found my sexuality and my career. But there was another part of my identity that took longer to figure out. To explain it, I have to rewind back to grade school, to the morning of September 11, 2001. Watching the news, I had no idea what the consequences of that day were going to be. In the years that followed, I became, for the first time in my life, highly aware of my ethnicity. As an adolescent, I no longer stood out because of my sexuality but instead for my coarse hair, my olive skin, my thick eyebrows, my full beard. I had Iranian painted all over me. The name-calling started again, but this time it wasn’t “he/she,” “gay,” or “girl,” but instead “terrorist,” “sideburns,” “durka.”

I learned early on that since my last name began with a B, I’d be one of the first people on the list during roll call. Well, I guess I should tell you now: My real name is Andisheh, not Andy. Every year, on the first day of school, I could see my teacher hesitate when pronouncing my name: “Ahhnnn…” I’d quickly cut the teacher off and say, “Andy is fine.” From middle school into college: “Andy’s fine.” I’m surprised no one ever called me “Andysfine.”

I began to throw away my lunches; I didn’t want anyone to ask what was in them. No more kuku, my mother’s Persian herb frittata; no more kalbas sandwiches: all-beef mortadella wrapped in lavash bread. I would ask my parents not to drop me off close to school in fear that my peers would see their brown skin or hear their accents. When it came to the beard that appeared on my 12-year-old face, I shaved every day and stole a bit of my mother’s foundation to cover it up. I started telling people I had some Italian in me. My last name Bar-a-gha-nee became Ber-e-ghee-nee. I invested in a T-shirt that read ITALIAN STALLION; it would later become infamous among my best friends. Even when it came to my first love in New York, I initially told him I was only half Iranian, which was a partial truth that freed me from being entirely associated with my heritage.

Around this time I interned in the test kitchen at Saveur. The editor in chief at the time, James Oseland, and the executive food editor, Todd Coleman, told me they were going to do a story on Iran. My first thought was: That is just an awful idea. This was 2010. Tensions were high between the U.S. and Iran, where Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was president at the time. After all that time spent working my way up in restaurants, I wasn’t sure I wanted to be associated with Iranian food. Ever since I was a gutsy 16-year-old working up the courage to ask the staff at Chez Panisse if I could help out on Friday nights, I’d been dedicated to mastering a particular style of cooking. My most recent stints had been at the fine-dining restaurant Corton and a Scandi pop-up called Frej. Iranian food was what I’d grown up on, but I had worked so hard to get away from it.

James and Todd asked me to help develop the recipes for the Iran story. While I had eaten Iranian food nearly every day growing up, I didn’t actually know the processes and traditions. I was familiar with saffron and barberries, but I couldn’t prepare any of the fragrant stews or elaborate rice dishes that serve as the backbone of the cuisine. So for the next three weeks, I called my mom almost every day and talked to her for hours, translating her “handfuls” and “pinches” to cups and teaspoons, re-creating her recipes in the test kitchen. Eventually, about ten of the final recipes that appeared in the issue were adapted from my mother’s. Saveur published a piece titled “Behind the Iran Story”; it was a letter dedicated to my mother and me, in which Todd thanked us for our contributions and said that the story couldn’t have happened without us. When the issue came out, people both in and out of the food industry embraced it and reached out to me, thanking me for shedding some light on the cuisine. My shame began to recede.

Photo by Alex Lau

Not quite the same as his father’s torshi, but Andy makes Hot-Pink Pearl Onion Pickles.

While I still had a ways to go, for the first time in almost a decade, I felt drawn to the food and culture I had put aside. My Iranian-ness was no longer something to be embarrassed by. I started a pop-up inside my Brooklyn apartment, where I cooked Iranian dishes that I grew up on and ones I had never heard of. These dinners, definitely not approved by the health department, began to sell out rapidly.

When I started working at Bon Appétit a little more than two years ago, I had the same feeling as when I got that Fisher-Price kitchen: in slight disbelief yet overcome with joy. But that first year, while my excitement was still high, I wasn’t happy with the work I was putting out. I was the new kid—the baby—and I could barely get a full thought across without my nerves creeping up and taking over. I struggled to find my voice, my point of view. My lack of confidence was inhibiting me from creating the food I wanted to cook; it got to the point where something as seemingly simple as developing peach dessert recipes became paralyzing.

So as nice as it would be for this story to end with that Iran feature or getting my dream job at Bon Appétit, the truth is that I’m still trying to figure things out. It’s not always steady progress. For as many moments of clarity as there have been, there have been periods of shame and confusion and out-of-season peaches. All I can do to move through them is to try to set my doubts aside, get back to the kitchen, and cook.

Listen to Andy read his essay on the Bon Appétit Foodcast:

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[gaymusicchart]

Gay Music Chart – 2020 week 30

Welcome to the Gay Music Chart, the LGBTQA related music videos TOP 50 actuality and most request.

 Vote for your favourite LGBTQA related music videos by leaving a comment for this post on :

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 Watch all the music videos presented in our weekly playlist : https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLuIOHxXXNws1mNpimFy3nI83iZGLjvwn6

  OUT : Kim Petras - "Icy"

OUT : MIKA - "Sanremo"

OUT : Pierre Lapointe - "Le monarque des Indes"      

OUT : Stefan Alexander - "Skeleton"

OUT : Sam Smith - "How Do You Sleep?"

OUT : Lu Xue-Rui (盧學叡) - "Who I Am" /《我是誰》

OUT : Marshmello & Halsey - "Be Kind"

OUT : Yanni Burton - "A Part Of Me"

OUT : Kyan Palmer - "Quarantini"

OUT : Doug Locke - "Why?" (Lyric Video)

OUT : Lesley Roy - "Story Of My Life"

OUT : The Irrepressibles feat. Jon Campbell - "Let Go (Everybody Move Your Body Listen to Your Heart)"

OUT : Goldnation feat. Sir Ari Gold - "Soundtrack to Freedom"        

OUT : Hatari feat. Bashar Murad - "Klefi" / "Samed" (صامد)      

OUT : Nguyễn Trần Trung Quân - "Tự Tâm"

OUT : Debris - "UNI"

  01 (=) : Yuma X - "Secret Lover"

LW: 01 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 01 (x3)

Australia - April 2020

The music videos shows a secret relation between two men who have both a girlfriend.

 02 (+ 10) : Lady Gaga, Ariana Grande - "Rain On Me"

LW: 12 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 02

USA – May 2020 – from the album "Chromatica"

 03 (- 1) : Ben Platt - "Rain"

LW: 02 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 02

USA - September 2019 - from the album "Sing To Me Instead" (Deluxe)

 04 (+ 4) : Scott Free - "The Last Revolution"

LW: 08 / WO: 3 / PEAK: 04

USA - June 2020 - from the album "The Last Revolution"

 05 (NEW) : Troye Sivan - "Easy"

LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 05

Australia - July 2020 - from the EP "In A Dream"

 06 (+ 11) : Greyson Chance - "Dancing Next To Me"    

LW: 17 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 06

USA - February 2020

 07 (- 3) : Melanie C - "Who I Am"        

LW: 04 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 04

UK - March 2020

The ex-Spice Girls member make a queer come back with several songs and music videos with LGBT themes. This one is about self-esteem.

 08 (NEW) : Bilal Hassani - "Fais le vide"

LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 08

France - July 2020

 09 (- 4) : Javiera Mena - "Corazón Astral"

LW: 05 / WO: 3 / PEAK: 05

Chile - June 2020

 10 (+ 8) : CRIMER - "Eyes Off Me"

LW: 18 / WO: 02 / PEAK: 10

Switzerland - July 2020

 11 (NEW) : Pol Granch - "Chocolatito"

LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 11

Spain - June 2020

 12 (+ 22) : Kim Petras - "Malibu"

LW: 34 / WO: 3 / PEAK: 12

Germany - May 2020

 13 (+ 7) : Jessie Ware - "Spotlight"

LW: 20 / WO: 3 / PEAK: 13

UK - February 2020

 14 (- 1) : Will Young - "All The Songs"

LW: 13 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 12

UK - March 2019 - from the album "Lexicon"      

The British singer dares to strip naked in this music video.

 15 (+ 23) : Azis - "Who Cares"

LW: 38 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 15

Bulgaria - February 2020

 16 (- 13) : PJ Brennan - "Bones"

LW: 03 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 03

USA - September 2019

 17 (+ 4) : Guy Sebastian - "Standing With You"

LW: 21 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 17

Australia - June 2020

 18 (- 7) : Hoshi - "Amour censure"

LW: 11 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 11

France - December 2019 - from the album "Sommeil levant"

A song for tolerance and gay love, and a music video against "La manif pour tous", a collective against LGBT rights in France.

 19 (NEW) : JUHA - "Lucifer in Love"

LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 19

USA - May 2020 - from the album "The Borders of the Mind"

 20 (- 1) : Bright Light Bright Light - "I Used To Be Cool"

LW: 19 / WO: 3 / PEAK: 19

USA - June 2020 - from the album "Fun City"

 21 (NEW) : Armstrong feat. Sur Ellz - "Truth Machine"

LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 21

USA - May 2020

 22 (- 12) : Netta - "Cuckoo"

LW: 10 / WO: 3 / PEAK: 10

Israel - June 2020

 23 (+ 25) : Duncan Laurence - "Someone Else" (Lyric Video)

LW: 48 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 23

The Netherlands - May 2020

 24 (+ 9) : Wils - "Open up Babe"

LW: 33 / WO: 3 / PEAK: 24

Singapore / USA - April 2019

 25 (- 19) : Макс Барских (Max Barskih) - "Лей, не жалей" (Ley, ne zhaley)    

LW: 06 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 03

Ukraine - February 2020

 26 (NEW) : Holland (홀랜드) - "Loved You Better"

LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 26

South Korea - December 2019

 27 (NEW) : Agoney - "Más"

LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 27

Spain - June 2020

 28 (NEW) : Neptune Keller - "Tropical Storm"

LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 28

Chile - April 2019

 29 (- 20) : Christopher Sorensen - "Way. Way. Back"

LW: 09 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 02

USA - November 2019

A sweet music video about two childhood friends at three different moments of their lives, who faced the opposition of the father of one of them when he discovered they were lovers.

 30 (NEW) : Myylo - "Kissing on Your Dad"

LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 30

USA - July 2020

A fun song about a man who tells to a kid he's dating his father.

 31 (+ 14) : Tom Goss - "Regretting"

LW: 45 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 31

USA - June 2020 - from the album "Territories"

 32 (NEW) : 청하 (CHUNG HA) - "Stay Tonight"

LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 32

South Korea - April 2020

 33 (- 18) : Сергей Лазарев (Sergey Lazarev) - "Я не боюсь" ("Ya ne boyus")

LW: 15 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 11

Russia - November 2019 - from the EP "Я не боюсь"

With this song called "I'm not afraid", Sergey Lazarev shows subtly that you don't have to be afraid to love who you want.

 34 (NEW) : Declan McKenna - "The Key to Life on Earth"

LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 34

UK - April 2020 - from the album "Zeros"

 35 (- 10) : Beverly -「尊い」(tōtoi)

LW: 25 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 25

Japan - November 2019 - from the album「INFINITY」

 36 (- 5) : Vini Uehara - "4NTENA"

LW: 31 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 31

Brazil - June 2020

 37 (- 30) : Eurovision Song-Along (Official) - Iconic Contestants Join The Party

LW: 07 / WO: 3 / PEAK: 07

USA / international - June 2020 - from the Netflix movie "Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga" OST

 38 (NEW) : VINCINT - "Save Myself "

LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 38

USA - July 2020

 39 (- 3) : Apolo - "Otro Nivel"

LW: 36 / WO: 3 / PEAK: 34

Spain - June 2020

 40 (- 26) : LP - "Shaken"          

LW: 14 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 14

USA - June 2019 - from the album "Heart to Mouth"

 41 (NEW) : Thomas Sanders feat. Jon Cozart - "A Gay Disney Prince"

LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 41

USA - August 2019

Both Youtubers dreams about a gay Disney Prince, which finally be a first LGBTQ+ model for LGBTQ+ children.

 42 (- 15) : Romy, Tanishk Bagchi & Yo Yo Honey Singh - "Pyaar Tenu Karda Gabru"

LW: 27 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 14

India - January 2020 - from the OST "Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan"

This song is taken from the first Bollywood gay movie "Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan" which tells the story of a gay couple who must face the opposition of the father of one of them.

 43 (NEW) : Static (סטטיק) and Ben El Tavori (בן אל תבורי) & Nasrin Kadri (נסרין קדרי) - "חביב אלבי " ("Habib Albi")

LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 43

Israel - June 2020

This is the official song for Tel Aviv Pride 2020.

 44 (+ 6) : Monét X Change - "March"

LW: 50 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 44

USA - June 2020

 45 (+ 1) : Benjamin Scheuer - "I Am Samantha"          

LW: 46 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 10

USA - March 2020

This is a powerful transgender anthem.

  46 (- 11) : Danna Paola - "TQ Y YA"

LW: 35 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 35

Mexico - June 2020

 47 (RE-ENTRY) : Elias - "Neon Lights"

LW: 72 / WO: 3 / PEAK: 33

Sweden - October 2019 - from the EP "HIM"

 48 (- 5) : Thibaut Pez - "Que tu meures"

LW: 43 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 16

France - June 2019 - from the EP "Garçon formidable"

 49 (- 21) : Esteman - "Hasta Que Tú Me Quieras"

LW: 28 / WO: 3 / PEAK: 28

Colombia - March 2020

 50 (NEW) : Nuri Harun Ateş - "Ay"

LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 50

Turkey - June 2020

   ALSO NEW THIS WEEK

 Pabllo Vittar - "Rajadão"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

Brazil - July 2020

 CHAMELEO - "Você me Fu***"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

Brazil - July 2020

 Davi Sabbag feat. Urias - "Não Faz Diferença"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

Brazil - May 2020

 Bruno Gadiol - "Relacionamento aberto"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

Brazil - July 2020

 Ana Gabriela - "X"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

Brazil - June 2020

 Clarice Falcão - "Dia D"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

Brazil - May 2020

 Agustín Malandra - "Bien Orgullosas"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

Argentina - July 2020 - from the mini-album "GEMINI"

 Miss Caffeina feat. Rozalén - "Reina"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

Spain - June 2020

 Daniela Calvario - "Curiosa"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

Mexico - March 2020

 Sertab Erener - "Aç Sesini"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

Turkey - July 2020 - from the album "Ben Yaşarım"

 賴晏駒 -小賴Lai -【娘娘槍 Pxxsy Gun】

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

Taiwan - June 2020

 บอย สมภพ (Boy Sompob) - "พบเพื่อจาก รักเพื่อลา" ("Found For Love")

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

Thailand - December 2019 - from the OST "Until We Meet Again -The Series"

 Tokyo Gegegay 東京ゲゲゲイ - 「病院（Escape Now）」

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

Japan - July 2020

 제이블랙 & 제이핑크 (J BLACK & J PINK) - "Move, Groove, Smooth"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

South Korea - July 2020

 N.O.M. - "I'm not but"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

South Korea - June 2020 - from the EP "3rd sexual"

 Kazaky - "Fucking Beautiful"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

Ukraine - June 2020

 Лолита (Lolita) - Кислород ("Oxygen")

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

Russia - July 2020

 Jónsi - "Exhale"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

Iceland - April 2020 - from the album "Shiver"

 The Irrepressibles - "The Most Beautiful Boy (Strong Outside A Man But Inside a Boy)"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

UK - July 2020 - from the album "Superheroes"

 Cub Sport - "Be Your Man"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

Australia - July 2020 - from the album "LIKE NIRVANA"

 Sam Tsui - "Under the Fireworks"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

USA - July 2020

 LP - "The One That You Love"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

USA - July 2020 - from the album "Superheroes"

 Joel Corry x MNEK - "Head & Heart"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

UK - July 2020

#1 on Gaydio Dance Chart (2020 week 29).

 Jessica 6 feat. Anohni - "Prisoner of Love"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

USA / UK - July 2020

 Jessie Ware - "What’s Your Pleasure?"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

UK - July 2020 - from the album "What’s Your Pleasure?"

 Sam Smith, Demi Lovato - "I'm Ready"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

UK / USA - April 2020

 Kygo, Kim Petras - Broken Glass

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

Germany - July 2020 - from the album "Golden Hour"

 Sia - "Together" (From the Motion Picture "Music")

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

Australia - May 2020

# 1 on The Gay 100 Chart (2020 week 29).

 Ben Hazlewood - “Lay Me Down”

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

Australia - April 2020

# 1 on Tad's Weekly LGBT Music Chart (2020 week 29).

 PJ - "Element"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

USA - June 2020

#1 on Weekly Top 40 LGBT Urban Chart (2020 week 29).

 Matthew Wood - "Wood"

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

Germany - July 2020

 Lostchild feat. TIN - "Dance To This" (Troye Sivan & Ariana Grande Cover)

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

USA - May 2020

 RENJUN (런쥔) - "FOOLS" (Troye Sivan cover)

LW: - / WO: - / PEAK: -

South Korea - Jully 2020

 See you next week !

#gaymusicchart #gay #lesbian #transgender #bisexual #LGBT #music #chart #top #2020 week 30