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heartfeltcierra · 1 year

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Dude where's my submarine? Part 2 of Isekaied Law X Female Reader

Part 1- Here Part 3- Here

Masterlist

AN- I'm working on the 3rd and final part currently, hopefully I'll have it up sometime next weekend!

Word count 3.5K

!!Dressrosa arc spoilers!!

Warnings/Content- Law almost burns your house down, Light cursing, Angst (Abandonment issues), Modern day content and references, Mentions of violence, Driving without a license (Guess who) , Mentions of suggestive music and suggestive content.

Enjoy ʕ •ᴥ•ʔゝ☆

The smell of something burning jolted you from your peaceful dreams. Oh no. You jump up from the bed and run to the spare bedroom Law was in.

“Law get up!” You slam the door open only to see the bed neatly made. He’s not here.

“ROOM.” You faintly Law’s voice.“SHAMBLES.” In the blink of an eye you were in the smoke filled kitchen standing beside an irritated Law.

“What happened?” There were a bunch of ingredients out on the countertops and a frying pan that had flames erupting from it. “OH HELL.” You grab the pan and run it over to your kitchen sink. More smoke fills the kitchen as the fire is doused by water. Crisis averted. “Law are you okay?”

“Yeah, but I can't say the same about the eggs." You could tell from his tone and flushed cheeks that he was embarrassed beyond belief. “I wanted to return the favor since you cooked for me last night, but…” He points over to your laptop that sat on the kitchen table. “I got carried away, I’m truly sorry Y/N.”

“Accidents happen, don’t worry about it. As long as you're okay.” You look at the pan and see no trace of egg, just a inciarated mass stuck to the bottom. “I can’t tell you how many times I’d put a pizza in the oven and forget about it. Needless to say, I've about burnt my house down plenty of times. Don’t sweat it.” Law seems grateful that you're not angry with him. “I’ll go out and get us something to make. I need to grab a few more things anyway since you’ll be here for a while!”

“Mind if I go with you?”

“Surel. I’ll go get ready and I’ll be right back down.”

~~~~

“What’s this?” Law points at your parked car.

“It’s my ‘ship’ so to say. But it’s actually called a car!” You unlock the doors with the remote, causing the headlights to blink. “In this world there are plenty of things used for transportation. We have trains that can go across the entire country, metros in the larger cities, and even airplanes that can take you just about anywhere in the world!”

“Wow.” His lips were slightly parted in awe. “What’s its name?”

“Umm.. The Honda civic?” Law does a few circles around the car, surveying the unfamiliar vessel. He’s so cute. “Wait until you see the inside!” You get into the car followed by Law.

“I won’t lie.” Law watches as you start the engine up.. “This is pretty cool.”

“It is. Not to mention it's also really good on gas and in this world that says a lot because gas prices are crazy expensive and-” You look over and see Law paying you zero attention. He was too busy playing with the AC buttons to listen to your economic rant.

~~~~

You drive down the road as Law plays with every button in the car. It was understandable, because if you ever ended up on his ship you’d explore it top to bottom. I’ve got an idea!

“Let me show my favorite thing about the car.” You click the button that turns the radio on. The familiar upbeat pop song puts a smile on your face. “I love this song!” Word for word you sung the lyrics not caring one bit about the fact Law was right beside you. When the song ended you glance over at him to see his face was red all the way to the tips of his ears. “Law are you okay?”

“Are lyrics like that normal?” Reality hit you. You had just sung a very suggestive and raunchy song right in front of him. You join him in blushing. I wonder what kind of face he’d make if I played WAP?

~~~~

“So this is It.” You lock your car door and point at the blue and beige building. “Walmart~This is where you can get just about anything. Food, clothes, hygiene products, gifts, you name it, they got it.”

“Wow…” He let out a low whistle. You smile at his bewilderment and continue walking in.

“If you're surprised now just wait until you see the insi--” Your words get stuck in your throat when a car starts to back up right in front of you. It was pulling out too fast for you to react.

“Y/N!” It felt like your life flashed before your very eyes. The car was inches away from hitting you, but a pair of strong arms pulled you away before it could.

“Watch where you're walking dumbasses!” The person in the car reaches a hand out to flip you and Law off before speeding away.

“I’ll kill that bastard.” Law grits his teeth as he holds your trembling body closer to him. It took you a moment to process that you almost got killed.

“It’s okay Law.” You look up at him with watery eyes. “I’m a little shaken up, but I’m not hurt and killing people is very frowned upon here.” His grip on you loosens so you can pull back. You wipe the forming tears out of your eyes. “It would be pretty embarrassing for my death to have been in a Walmart parking lot, so thanks for saving me.” You joke, trying to lighten the mood.

“I’m glad you're alright. Still…..”

“It's alright Law. Let’s go on in.” Trying to change the subject, you take a few steps forward but stop when an arm wraps around your back.

“Stay close to me in case something like that happens again.” Law must have sensed your nervousness, the angry look was replaced by his signature smirk. “But if it does I can’t make any promises on whether or not I’ll let them live.”

~~~~

“This place really does have everything.” You watch as Law soaks in all of the surroundings.

“It sure does.” You hum. “Feel free to grab whatever you want.”

You and Law walk around without any rhyme or reason. From time to time he would stop to look at something. Your favorite thing so far is when he saw a one piece t-shirt. You could tell he was a little salty about him not being on it.

“Y/N.” Law leans down to grab your attention. “Why are people staring?” You look around the aisle and see that people were indeed fact staring and you knew why.

“Your really handsome Law so of course people are going to stare.” Crap I said that outloud?

“So you think I’m handsome Y/N?"

“Was the shirtless figure and stories I've written about you not enough proof?” You playfully nudge your hip into his side.

“Oh it was.” His eyes lock onto your blushing face. “But what makes you think they aren’t staring at you?”

“When I say this please know I’m not fishing for compliments. But for this world I’m nothing special.” You open one of the freezer section doors to retrieve a pint of ice cream. “I don't think I've mentioned, but the beauty standards in this world are quite high.”

“Looks aren’t everything Y/N. But I think you're pretty. And weirdly charming.” The pint of ice cream in your hand almost falls into the floor. Law just called me pretty and (weirdly) charming? “Plus you're a good person. Although I don’t know much about you yet, that much I can tell.” He grabs the ice cream from your hands and puts it in the cart.

“Thanks.” You have to turn away to hide the giddy smile plastering your face.

Little did you know Law could see your wide smile thanks to the reflection of the freezer's glass door. How cute

~~~~

The next morning

You woke up on the couch with Law sitting on the other end. That’s right, we stayed up watching a medical drama. He was looking at something on your laptop with an evil smirk. What did he find this time?

“That’s a pretty sinister look you got going on Law?” You poke his leg with your foot to get his attention. He turns his head before spinning the screen towards you.

“I could watch this all day.” You squint your eyes to read the video's title. ‘Doflamingo getting his ass kicked to dubstep music- 10 hour loop.’ “I wish it was me in all honesty, but I do enjoy seeing that bastard get his ass handed to him by Strawhat.”

“I’m sure you do.” You refrain from laughing. It was hilarious seeing how satisfied he looked every time Luffy’s foot kicked the side of Doflamingo’s head. “Want to know something kind of funny Law?” He pauses the video and nods. “So there was an episode in the Dressrosa arc titled "Law Dies - Luffy's Raging Onslaught!”. When I saw the title I started balling my eyes out. I thought you were going to die.” It is funny to you now, but back then you were going through all the stages of grief at once.

“I thought I was going to die back then too.” Law shuts the laptop and places it back on the coffee table. “But, I’m glad I didn’t. It’s not what he would have wanted.”

“You're talking about Cora, aren’t you?” Law nods.

“Yeah, I am.” A bittersweet smile forms on Law’s lips. “He was my savior. He got me out of a dark mindset. I owe everything to him.” He turns his head to face you. “Did you ever have anyone like that in your life?”

“Well if I’m being honest.” Not one real person comes to mind. Everyone in your life has left or abandoned you. But there was still someone who got you through some hard times. “As odd as this may sound, It’s kinda you.” His eyes widened at your declaration. “You are my favorite character for a reason. There’s been many times I’ve had a bad day and seeing you would make me feel better. It's weird to explain but someone told me once that humans in my universe can’t tell the difference between real people and fictional people. Our brains process them as if they were real. So it’s probably the reason why…”

“Well I am real.” Law held his hand up. His words remind you that the character you adore is literally a few feet away from you in the flesh. You scooch over to him and bring your hand up to his. “See?” You smile feeling his warm hand against yours. “I may not be from this universe, but I’m still real and I will always be.”

“Yeah. You're right.” You pull your hand away and wipe a few tears from your eyes.

“Are you crying?” Law asked with concern in his voice.

“Yeah, but I’m okay.” They weren't sad tears, they were more tears of relief and comfort than anything. “Fun fact about me, I cry easily.” You laugh and dry the rest of the tears off with your sleeve. “I’m sorry I dampened the mood, but I do have an idea to lighten it. And I think you’ll like it.”

“What do you have in mind?”

“I say me and you go out.” He shoots you a smirk as if to say ‘go on’. “Have you ever had hibachi?”

~~~~

Seeing how cute you look in the mirror brought a smile to your face. Since you were going out with Law you got a little dressed up for the occasion .You went with a (F/C) dress that compliments your body's shape and a cute pair of sandals. After one last glance over you walk downstairs to wait on Law.

You walk to your front door only to see Law already dressed and waiting for you. He turns around to face you and Oh my God.. To say he looked good would be such an understatement. He wore the dark maroon button up you got him with the sleeves rolled up, exposing his arm tattoos. He also had on the jeans you secretly wanted to see him wear. They may look like a simple pair of black jeans, but the silver chains decorating his thighs made them stand out.

“Are you ready to go?” Law waves his hand in front of your face in an attempt to snap you out of your trance.

“Oh right.” Judging from the smirk on his face, he knew you were checking him out. It’s not my fault you look like a model. “Let’s go.” You grab your car keys and purse before heading out the door.

~~~~

“Here we are!” You got out of the car with Law and stood in front of the restaurant. “Are you ready?”

“Of course I am.”

~~~~

A few moments later…

“Y/N why is the food on fire?!” Law leans back in his chair as if the flames were going to get him. I thought you were ready?

“It’s okay Law.” You place your hand on his back. “I’ll protect you from the big bad onion volcano.”

“Is he okay?” The hibachi chef laughs seeing how skittish Law was.

“Yeah he's fine." You laugh and give Law a few pats on the back. "He acts like he’s not from this world or something.”

“Here.” The chef held up the bottle filled with sake in front of Law. “A little something to calm your nerves.” He hesitates for a moment but opens, letting the chef send the sake right into his mouth. The chef stops once Law’s mouth is full and goes right back to cooking. His golden eyes stare into your soul as he swallows the liquid in one gulp. That was kinda hot. He wiggles his index finger, motioning you to lean closer to him.

“I hope teasing me was worth it.” His voice was low in your ear. What does that mean? “And the sake in your world sucks.”

You spend the rest of your (last) meal thinking just what diabolical thing Law was going to do to you. Is he going to chop my body up? Or maybe he’ll take my voice box? Or…

“Y/N are you ready to go?” Law’s voice pulled you from your thoughts.

“Oh yeah.” You stood up with Law. “Thank you for the food, it was delicious!”

“You're welcome. I hope you and your boyfriend have a goodnight!” You and Law look at each with wide eyes, but neither you or him corrected the man.

~~~~

“So did you like the food?” You buckle up and turn the engine on. Please don’t kill me.

“I did, but don’t think for a second that I forgot about you teasing me.” Your body freezes up at his words. I wonder what kind of flowers will be at my funeral? “ROOM.” Your eyes slam shut. Goodbye cruel world.. “SHAMBLES.” You open your eyes to see you're still alive and intact, but you are now in the passenger seat.

“Law! You don’t know how to drive?” You panic seeing him put the car in drive. “That and you don’t have a driver's license? What if we get pulled over?”

“Sure I know how, I’ve watched you do it enough to figure it out.” Law gives the car a little gas. “And what’s the big deal of not having a license and getting pulled over?”

“Umm I don’t know Law, maybe it’s the fact WE'D GET ARRESTED.” Your eyes watch his every move like a hawk.

“Have you forgotten I’m a pirate Y/N? Plus I have the advantage over everyone in this world.” He was right. No one could stop Law with his devil fruit power. “So relax. It will be okay.” You roll your eyes at his nonchalant attitude.

“Fine. Just be careful.” Law smirks triumphantly and continues driving. Despite your initial fear, Law was actually a good driver. His movements were smooth and calculated, very fitting for his character. He was gentle with the brakes, (And unlike most drivers) he used the turn signals. You can’t help but be jealous seeing how he was a true natural.

“Aren’t you going to sing?” Law gestures towards the radio.

“Do you want me to?” You raise your brow suspiciously.

“Yeah I do. Maybe something different this time though.” He smirks remembering all the dirty words that came from your mouth the other day.

“Sure, let me hook my phone up.” You plug your phone in and scroll through your playlist. A smile forms on your lips seeing the title of your favorite slow songs. The soft melody comes through the speakers as you sing.

In that moment Law didn’t care if you sounded like an angel that had freshly ascended from heaven or if you sounded like two pieces of metal grinding together. He was just happy to hear you doing something you enjoy.

So she likes to sing?

~~~~

It had been a few days since you and Law went out. In that time you’ve grown more comfortable with each other. He’s opened up to you about things from his past, even telling you things that the show never went over. He also told you all the stories from his early years of being a pirate and how he met Bepo and the rest of the crew. With that being said you’ve also been spilling more details about yourself. Everything from embarrassing stories from your childhood, the questionable things you did as a teenager and even a few funny stories from your current adult life.

Despite all the fun your having, your heart hurts knowing you only have a little time left with Law. Having him around reminded you how nice it was to have someone to talk to. But when he's gone… I need to live in the moment and quit thinking about what’s to come.

"You seem lost in thought Y/N." You turn your attention to Law who's sitting at the other end of the couch. "What's on your mind?" You.

"It's nothing." You lie and go back to scrolling through your phone.

"You really think I'm going to buy that?" Law made his way over to you and took your phone from your hands."Talk to me."

"Well." Your eyes stray away from his fierce gaze. "I was just thinking about how boring things are going to be when your gone."

"Way to kill the vibes Y/N." You laugh hearing Law copy your lingo. "But I've been thinking about some things myself."

"What's on the surgeon of deaths mind?"

“I do go back to my world in two days...” His tone turns serious. “And you’ll be alone again and the thought of that has been bothering me.” You frown. I know I will. “With that being said. I need you to promise me that you will go out and try to make some friends." His request floors you. The painful memories of people leaving you and abandoning you come flooding in, but a tattooed hand pulls you out before you can drown. "Things may not work out at first but keep trying. I'm sure there are people out there that are just as weird and dorky as you." Law teases to clear the building tension in the room.

“Is there something wrong with me being weird and dorky?" You give Law a heavy dose of side eye.

"Actually." Law leans in a little closer to you ear. "I like it." You could feel his hot breath against the shell of your ear. "I like it alot." He blows into you ear causing you to jerk away from him.

You retreat to the far end of the couch while nervously watching him. "Are you done teasing me?" The devilish smirk on his face said it all. His tattooed hand grabs a pillow placing it next to him. "Law what are you doing?

"Whatever I want to." "ROOM." Dammit. "SHAMBLES." Your body takes the pillows spot next to Law. "Now." Your heart felt like it was going to leap from your chest as he lazily wraps a arm around your shoulders. "Do you think you can keep that promise?"

"Yeah, I will. But only if you stop teasing me." A satisfied hum comes from Law hearing your answer.

"Good. And in what way am I teasing you?" Law tries to sounds innocent knowing full well the affect he has on you. "Also you might want to breathe before you black out."

"My breathing is just fine. thank you." I need to calm down.

"Your a bad liar Y/N." You were about to defend yourself but every function in your body stopped working as his fingers ghost around to the side of your neck. "But this tells me everything I need to know." Two fingers tap over your pulse point. "Tachycardia is a very dangerous condition if left untreated, luckily for you I'm a Doctor~"

"Well Doctor, what is the cure for it?" You say sarcastically.

"ASMR videos of people cutting soap should do the trick. " He grabs the laptop from the coffee table and pulls up youtube. "Just so you know my medical expertise comes at a high cost and I expect you to pay in full." You roll your eyes and relax against his chest.

"Just bill my insurance."

#law x reader #law one piece #trafalgar law #op law #one piece #one piece x reader #one piece x you #law x you #law x female reader #trafalgar d law x reader #trafalgar one piece #law x y/n #law angst #law fluff

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polyhexian · 3 months

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Pregnant Belos AU

Couldn't help but think of the potential angst of Jasper finding the smut Belguard fics and just dissociating into hell and back because some people think 1. he had intimacy with Belos and 2. it was hot

God this isn't even limited to that though. Like in MH they're making an unauthorized hammed up movie about it. He has a huge book everyone read and it's FILLED with action and drama. Of course someone made a movie about it. In real life scumbags make movies about real life tragedies and murders and world events even when the actual people involved or the family members of the people involved beg them not to. So like. It was inevitable. Shocked it took them like ten years.

Ppl in the boiling isles write fanfiction about vegetables. there are absolutely people writing rpf about Jasper. There's people writing Belos/jasper rpf for fucking sure. Some fucknasty E rated raunchy rpf. I mean for God's sake. He has a kid. He had four fantasy miscarriages. There is ripe soil for people to sow their 300k E rated jasper/Belos noncon epic

I'm sure just the KNOWLEDGE these exist has to be triggering. SEEING one would be GHOULISH. I can't fucking imagine what it would be like for the KIDS knowing such things exist. I wonder what it's going to be like for kids of like, the dcmp kids or the game grumps guys when they're old enough to know what fanfiction is and learn there's like thousands of pieces of such content of their own parents. That's a unique nightmare. Everyone has googled their name at some point but when I Google mine, the things people have to say are not kind and it is SO fucking hsdd to resist not looking sometimes it's unreal. Just KNOWING there's people saying stuff about you somewhere and you have to RESIST looking. It's so goddamn hard. If I was a fifteen year old and I knew there was fucked up fanart of my dad online making out with the dude that tortured him it would be SO hard not to go looking for it so I could get in fucking internet fights with the posters.

So you know. There's a new nightmare!

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starryeyedadmirer · 1 year

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“God, Grayson! What the hell! Was that you? Again?”

“Yeah… sorry.” He groans, sitting up on the cushions of his wicker sofa — his stomach coddled in the palm of his left hand. “My stomach’s still feeling funny… had to let that one out.”

“Another silent killer? Fuck! Give me a warning before you let loose like that. Open the patio doors, and let that shit out… or you’re gonna kill me in here.”

“C’mon… it’s not that bad.”

“Yeah it is. You smell like hot garbage and sewer water. That’s totally uncalled for.”

Amused by your oddly specific association, he lets out a smug chuckle. “Really? Is it that bad?”

“Yeah. Really”

“C’mon. Be honest. You know you like it. You tell me all the time how much you love my stink… how manly you think it is. Thought I was turning you on.”

“Yeah… I like the way you smell sometimes… but not your farts. When have you ever heard me say anything like “Wow, Gray, that fart was so sexy?” Nobody says that. I like your musty armpits, dude… your belly button… your swampy ass toes… but not your raunchy guts.”

“You’ve said that at least a few times before… I know it.”

“Give me one example… a single time I said something even remotely similar to that.”

He closes his eyes, and lets his head fall back — trying to come up with a scenario. “Well… you’re the one who made that bet at breakfast… and now, I’m all bloated, and full of gas. I gotta let it out, don’t I?” Shooting a devious grin your way, he pushes out his stomach, as if he’s pregnant with twin food-babies, and gives his rounded gut a rub.

“Okay, fatass… but you could at least have some decency. Why do I have to smell you?”

“You lost the bet, like I said… and now you gotta smell my stinky farts. Only fair the loser suffers… ‘specially since you talked so much shit earlier. Anyway, you like the way I smell, so you’re not losing much, are you?”

“For the last time, Grayson, I’m not into your farts.”

“Really? Cuz I’ve been farting my ass off, like a fucking pig, since this morning… fogging up the windows and shit… and you’ve been sitting in my stink cloud for the last two hours, breathing it in.” The evil smile still smeared across his face, he rises up from his seat, and waddles his way over to the back door. “You love that shit… you know you do. You’ve fully gone from sniffing my pits, shoving your nose between my toes, and going nostrils-deep in my fuckin’ belly button, to smelling my sour farts… like a creepy weirdo.”

“Whatever… I don’t have to prove anything to you.”

“You’re right… you don’t. I’m not gonna stop gassing any time soon, and you’re not gonna get up… so we both get something out of it. My stomach’ll feel better… and you get your sick kicks.”

“Pffft…” You huff, fed up with his disgusting antics. “Whatever.”

“Hold on… I think I got another one in the chamber. FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!”

#starry eyes #grayson dolan #grayson dolan farts #✨he probably looks so cute bloated✨#✨i just want to rub his belly while he farts his bloat away✨#✨i need to smell his little farts✨#✨i want to wear their farts as cologne✨#✨i know he stinks so good✨

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theloserarmy · 2 years

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Dndads teens twitch streamer au: (from someone who has no knowledge of streaming)

Scary has the largest audience. Taylor insists that it’s all simps who are just subscribing bcuz goth girl, but her audience is actually 90% women, in no small part because while she on some level wants male attention, in practice the thought of dudes watching her freaks her out so she blocks not only everyone who says rude/crude/or horny things, but also anyone who is openly a man. She plays a lot of horror games, but also does animal crossing, stardew valley, and other cozy games. A solid amount of the sims. She also tends to read her poetry on stream. It’s a good vibe.

Taylor’s streams are exactly what you think they would be like. There is no moderation of any type, he’a big on free speech. On that note, he does not read the chat at all. This has led to many a stream where some technical issue is just never resolved because there is no way of letting him know it’s happening. He’s been hacked several times, but he always manages to bounce back. He plays some raunchy games mainly when he hits goals, he plays a lot of fortnight, cod, league and that kind of thing, as well as dipping into games that are going viral. Hell occasionally do other games like sonic or something if he was planning on playing them anyways.

Link is a Minecraft streamer. He mainly does intricate buildings and things. He doesn’t have a lot of subscribers. His channel is very chill, and good to study to, but sometimes if he has to battle something he just starts screaming. His audience is torn on whether this is annoying or very funny. He will dip into other games, but mostly farming sims, civilization sims, or occasionally puzzle games. He gets easily distracted by the chat and will argue with people for a long time before blocking them.

Normal doesn’t have the biggest audience, but he has the most dedicated fans. His audience is largely convinced that he is doing an elaborate role play that is slowly exposing a complicated lore. This is largely because nobody believes his name is actually normal, so they think he is playing a character, as well as weird interactions he has with his family while streaming. He rarely ever has the camera on, and mostly just records himself talking while he plays. If the camera is on he’s wearing the teeny head. He’ll occasionally stream with one of the other kids, deepening the lore. There is a dedicated Reddit thread for discussion and analysis on what the story is, which lark reads and occasionally he’ll purposefully drop some hints or references to ideas he likes while normal is streaming just to mix things up. Normal also plays mainly Minecraft, but is very receptive to suggestions. He is unaware of the Reddit and his fandom in general.

#dndads s2

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limenysnocket · 3 years

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Attention and Company

I couldn't help myself. @honorarytenenbaum

Summary: Sometimes you need someone to chill with, and that's okay. Maybe that person is your boyfriend who also gets a little roughed up at work sometimes. Pubs can sustain you both for only so long, but what you really need is to curb yourselves in the mall parking lot, right next to a shaved ice food truck.

Warnings: Just some light swearing, a bit of angst, a lot of fluff, and some brief mentions to "raunchy" behavior. This is a soft fic for y'all tonight, out here needin' some gentle lovin'.

A/N: Got some lonely feelings right now. I just wanna hug someone, dude. Yo, we could totally watch a movie over discord sometime... maybe.

○●□○●□○●□○●□○

Today sucked. Flat out. The bags under your eyes didn't lie, and now here you were, outside of your studio, sitting on the hood of your car, eating a granola bar to stave off hunger for a few more hours. Hopefully.

You pull your phone from your pocket, looking at the time for a moment, then looking at your screensaver. It was the only thing that could make you smile. You had your arm wrapped around one of your closets friends, Taika, and the phone didn't capture it, but he had his arm wrapped around your waist. His curls were all messed up, and the picture perfectly showed how drunk you both were by the fuzzy pink on your cheeks. It was 99 cent beer night at one of the local pubs, and unlike the first one held at a baseball game, all went well.

Of course, there was a limit to how much the two of you were allowed to drink, but that didn't stop the many failed attempts at stealing other people's drinks while they were looking away, just to get a taste more. Didn't matter that you guys were eventually thrown out of the bar for breaking rules and coming close to breaking a few faces, you had a great night.

That night also lead to a few other places, including his hotel room, but that end of the story has to be saved for another time.

Instead of staring at your phone for another century, you decide to unlock it and dial the man up. You knew he was somewhere around here, either charming his way onto another movie set to mess with his rich friends, or getting his tired ass kicked by daylight savings.

His number was saved to your favorites, so dialing him was quick and easy. The wait for him to pick up didn't last long either.

"Talk to me..."

God, his voice sounds like one big yawn. Looks like he needs a bit of perking up too.

"I've got two curbside tickets to eat a snow cone and watch kids do loops on their bikes in the parking lot. One of those tickets has your name on them," you grin, despite sounding exhausted too. The day really made you strain your voice.

His musical laughter really makes the sun look brighter from its low position in the sky.

"That's oddly specific... where would these magical tickets take me afterwards?" He had cocked his eyebrows up and leaned against his office door while he spoke to you.

"If this were a booty call, I would have told you already, Taik," you snort and tease him. "So, it's either make yourself fat on some weirdly flavored snow cone, or take your horny-ass home."

"Okay, okay... I'd like to make myself fat for a night, as long as your there," his voice is dreamy, desperate and warm. "You there already?"

"Nope," your lips pop the p, "but I'm nearby."

"I swear to God, if you're talking and driving, I'm gonna whoop your ass," Taika stood up, acting serious when he was just really worried about your safety in general.

"I'm not, I'm fine," you laugh again. "Not even in the car. Sitting on it though, trying to convince the world's sexiest man to go out with me again."

"And you said this wasn't a booty call," he retorts over the phone, making you playfully glare at the asphalt on the road. It's like he's in front of you.

"You coming or not?" you change the subject and you hear him laugh again, but softer.

"Yeah... I'll be there in a few minutes, gorgeous."

He always made goodbyes so easy. Maybe it was because you both knew you would be seeing each other again, no matter what circumstances you were thrown into. But the dial tone still had its effects.

You slip off the hood of your car, and take a seat in the driver's seat. The warm summer air makes your skin glow, and your brain went fuzzy only imagining it doing the same to Taika.

The drive feels so quiet. For a moment, you actually thought about calling him again, but you knew for a fact that he wouldn't pick up if he was driving.

As predicted, kids are zooming around on their bikes, showing off to their friends or trying to be cool, even though they all were obviously teary-eyed each time they scraped a knee. It was amusing to you and Taika, especially when some of the older boys would try to catch your attention and zip past you and Taika. It ended up being a heckle fest in the end, and some kid always went home with his butt hurt.

Keys and wallet in hand, you trek to the small, blue trailer tucked in the corner of the parking lot.

"Damn, you must have beat me here by just a few seconds," Taika calls, rustling his way through the small spaces between a couple of cars.

"Well, you've never been a speed demon type, so last place is your calling when it comes to racing," you guwaf and grin at him. He rolls his eyes and comes to walk right next to you.

"I pride myself on road safety," he hums, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

You glance at him from the side, just to silently check up on him. His hair was tousled and his eyes were resteless. It looks like he had it rough from the start. He had struggled to get dressed this morning, but picked the most eccentric clothes in his closet to make up from his lack of sleep.

"Dare you to try the dill pickle flavor this time," his cocky tone wakes you up.

"Like hell I will," you snort as you finally reach the trailer, where a teen boy happily greets the both of you.

"Oh come on, it'll be funny," he eggs you on, his bottom lip pouting.

"Keep trying to make me get dill pickle, and the next time we have a movie night together, I'm getting the pizza," you sniff and he rolls his eyes. He thinks it is an odd threat. "And I'm making it all Hawaiian pizza." That got his attention.

"Bull shit, you would never. Not on a perfectly good pizza!" He gasps.

"Oh, just watch me, pineapple boy," you snicker and point to his pineapple print shorts. You break conversation to order two piña colada flavored snow cones. Taika usually took for-fucking-ever when it came to picking a single flavor, so ever since the second time you've been out here with him, he assigned you to choose for him. He usually got what you got.

Now, you wait.

You plop yourself down on the curb, as you promised, and he joined you with a long, loud groan. You give him a bewildered stare, wondering if his age had really gotten him this much. He smiles at you through a wince.

"Sat on my keys," he wheezes and chuckles at his own stupidity under his breath.

Your eyes float down to where he pulls out his keys and you start giggling quietly.

"Oh, come on, I'm sure you've done the same thing," Taika says, not handling the fact that you have new material to mess with him, and also trying to get some stories out of you.

"Well yeah, but I don't sit down as violently as you do," you prod his bicep, and he laughs.

"Such a lady. Must sit down gracefully and slowly," he says, mocking an English accent, but he was horrible at accents so of course it was bad. You smack his bicep this time, and he playfully flinches, like it hurt.

"I really need to get you into some accent classes or some shit, before you get your teeth knocked out," you shake your head with a smile.

"What? I think I'm great at accents. My American accent is the best one yet, don't you think?" He smirks at you, and proceeds to demonstrate. "All you have to do is put an 'er' at the end of everything, right? That's totally how they speak around here."

"I would be careful, Mr. Waititi. Could get in some trouble if you say that too loudly," you roll your eyes, and he sighs. Yeah. Things were going to shit in LA. It was clear to everyone, but what could two hollywood producers do to stop things like that? Keep making films, you guess.

"Two, large piña coladas!"

You look up, and so does he.

"I'll get them," you volunteer, but he places his hand on your shoulder before you could get up.

"Let me," he speaks softly, in a damn near whisper.

He stands up and strides right over to the trailer with so much confidence, you're envious. He comes back with two large styrofoam cups in hand, spoons, and a warm smile. His smile was always warm. It set fire in your belly.

He sits down a bit more carefully this time, even though his car keys were sitting in the grass, far away from his landing zone. He hands you your cup and a spoon.

"Do these have alcohol in them?" He nudges you with your elbow and you shake your head.

"As if they would let a seventeen-year-old serve alcoholic beverages," you throw in logic.

"I dunno... ever been to a ballpark before? Pretty sure some of those kids are way too young to be peddling there too, but that doesn't stop people from hiring them," he says while pointing his spoon at you.

"Fair point," you finish, then look at your snow cone. You decide to start eating before it melts.

Silence swarms the air, but comfortably. There's the occasional murmur of cicadas or humming cars drowning them out. Birds would land on the scorching asphalt to pick at whatever crumbs were left by other patrons, before fluttering away at the sight of a zooming bike getting too close for comfort.

Taika will point out a few of the kids doing tricks. He picks his favorites for the night, and he keeps himself busy by watching them. You, on the other hand, are occupied with him. You examine him from the tips of his dirty white chucks, to his frazzled hairdo.

"You look like shit," you mutter. He barely pays you mind and that comment was hardly acknowledged. It was like the air had gone a bit stiffer. He was hiding something from you.

"What's going on, Taik?" you worry. He never kept things from you, unless they were hard to bear.

He sets his cup down and holds his hands together. He looks so tired. So solemn.

"Today was total shit," he whispers and runs a hand through his hair.

"Well, yeah, I get that. I wouldn't have known if you had looked a little spiffier," you say, reaching out and gently tucking a curl on his forehead back in place with all the rest of its friends.

"Look, I--..." he says, turning to you, lips parted slightly, and a yearning sensation bubbling from the tips of his fingers as he rests a single hand on you.

There were tough times with the occupancy you both, willingly, chose. The hardest part about it was making friends, or making love, then finding out you have to leave it behind for a new location the next morning.

"I have to leave... for Sydney..." he says, reaching to gently take your cheek into the palm of his hand.

"When?" you manage, though you were clearly becoming upset.

"In a few weeks. Thor is waiting for me," he sighs, barely able to look at you while his thumb rubbed your ample cheek.

"And what does this have to do with me?"

"I don't want to leave you," he says, tilting your head up just the slightest bit. "And I don't want to stop loving you."

Your eyes search his for a moment, wide and a bit confused.

"I thought you said we were just a fling with--"

He cuts you off, "A fling with benefits. I know..." he sighs again, "but every time I find myself waiting for you to call on a shitty day, each time you rest your head on my shoulder, all the times you smile at me and tease me, I find myself falling... more in love with you." He has to pause to breathe.

It's so quiet. Dangerously quiet.

"What happens if I love you too...?" you muster your courage, and look right into his expressive, brown eyes.

"I don't know," he says to you, thumb still rubbing circles.

"Guess there's only one way to find out, huh?" you breathe, and he nods.

Still as statues, you wait for words to touch the air. It's only when his foot makes a wrong move and knocks over his snow cone, does the tension break.

His bottom lip pouts for him again and you quietly pick his spoon up off the ground. You clean it on your shirt and hand it to him, all before taking your cup, and holding it out to share. He smiles down at you, taking his spoon from your hand and sticking it into the shaved ice.

Your head leans against his shoulder when the sun disappears behind the mall building.

"I love you too," you whisper.

"I know," he says back, sucking at the tip of his spoon.

"Think we can keep this up over the phone?" you ask, wondering about a brief virtual relationship, just until one of you catches a break.

"Guess there's only one way to find out, huh?" he says, lowering his spoon, wrapping his arm around you, and giving you his full attention.

#taika waititi #taika waititi x reader #fanfiction #taika waititi imagine #taika waititi imagines #taika waititi x you #taika waititi/you #fluffy

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parkersharthook · 4 years

Text

Some Very Specific Hypotheticals

(Tom Holland x female!reader)

warnings: it’s thirst tweets so it’s slightly smutty and risque

1.5k+ words

a/n: so I got all of the thirsty tweets towards tom from jordan fisher’s video (x) and all of the thirsty tweets towards the reader from tana mongeau’s video (x). I did make up a few of my own lol but most of them come from those videos

Edit: I recognize tana is problematic and I only used her in one of the tweets bc I had originally gotten these thrist tweets from her video. I don’t actually watch/like her so I was unaware of her issues until recently when she came up in the news (I still don’t really know what the whole situation was tbh) anyways.... I changed tana mongeau to anna kendrick bc i have a crush on her lol

requested: Could you please write a Tom Holland x reader reading thirst tweets

“Hey guys I’m y/n/ y/l/n.”

“And I’m Tom Holland.”

“And today for some reason the two of us, who are in a couple, will be reading the other person’s thirst tweets to them.”

“it’s like some weird version of foreplay.”

“I’m excited.”

You sat in the chair, facing Tom. The two of you had matching blue jugs with little slips of paper full of what you assumed was raunchy girls, and probably guys, thirsting after the two of you.

“Which one of us is going first?” Tom asked as he fiddled with the bucket.

“Oh definitely me.” You pulled out a slip and smoothed it out, “it says in all caps by the way, ‘DAMN DADDY U SEXY CAN I EAT UR ASS?!?! LICK YA BUTT??!!?!” You barely got the full tweet out before you were laughing.

Tom had already turned a shade of pink and was rubbing at the back of his neck awkwardly. He stuttered slightly, “wow what a way to start this whole thing. Okay, my turn.” He pulled out the next slip, “y/n y/l/n is literally the most beautiful human ever. Goodbye.”

“aww wait that was so sweet. Thank you.”

“Why was mine about eating my ass and yours was saying you were the most beautiful person ever?”

You laughed slightly and shrugged, “look, everyone is just speaking their truth. My turn!” You happily grabbed the next piece of paper, “haha it’s literally just a screenshot of your age with the words ‘thank god’. If that is not the biggest mood ever…”

Tom laughed heavily. “yeah I had someone tweet me saying ‘I saw a lot of people looking up Tom Holland’s age during the movie.’ Guess it’s a recurring theme.” He fingered through the bucket before grabbing a crumpled sheet, “I want y/n y/l/n to murder my bussy.”

You threw your head back in laughter, “I get that one a lot actually. A classic, really.”

Tom looked around sheepishly, blushing hard. “what’s a bussy?”

You snickered slightly, “it’s a butthole tom. You need to educate yourself. Next one! I love how everyone in the world can agree that tom Holland is hot af and daddy material, even the lesbians.”

“okay that one is definitely the forerunner, that’s a good one.”

You looked back down at the paper with a smile, “that is a good one.”

“’Repeat after me: y/n y/ln makes me horny y/n y/ln makes me horny y/n y/ln makes me horny y/n y/ln makes me horny y/n y/ln makes me horny y/n y/ln makes me horny y/n y/ln makes me horny’. And it says that like 16 more times.” Tom shrugged slightly, “I mean… I can’t exactly disagree.”

“Tom!” You cried slightly exasperated as you blushed. “I’m moving on now… ‘Tom Holland’s lil ass is hella fine’.”

“What? My ass is not little.”

You laughed, “relax they said it was and I quote ‘hella fine’. That’s a compliment.”

Tom grumbled slightly as he grabbed the next tweet, “I want to have a threesome with y/n y/l/n. but no tom Holland. It’s just her, me, and a blunt.” He threw the paper down with a little angry frown, “so first they call my ass little and then they steal you for a threesome? Rude.”

You bit your lip with a small chuckle, “if it makes you feel better, it’s not really a threesome thinking that one member is literally a blunt.”

“can we move on before I get jealous?”

“of a random twitter user and weed? Yeah okay sweetie.” You rolled your eyes heavily, eyeing the paper. Tom watched as your eyes grew wide and then a shit eating grin cracked your lips.

“oh… what is it?”

“this tweet is very specific.” You smiled as you met his eye and began reading it, “look how fine this man is i want him to fuck me on a bed of money and finger me with a $100 bill wrapped around his fingers and then stuff ten thousand $100 bills inside me so he can call me his million dollar pussy.”

“oh… my… god.” Tom said slowly, a deep blush rising on his cheeks. “that- that one was a lot to take in.”

You waved the paper in the yes, “yes. Just… yes. This one cleared my skin, watered my crops. Amazing, perfect.”

“shut up, you’re so annoying sometimes.” He stated as he rolled his eyes.

You poked your tongue out at him teasingly, “you love me.”

“unfortunately.” You scoffed as Tom leaned over and patted your knee lovingly. “you know I’m kidding baby.”

“whatever just read the next damn tweet.”

Tom laughed and pulled out the next one, “I would pay any amount of money for y/n y/l/n to spit in my face and call me an ugly fucking bitch. It would be my honor.”

Your mouth fell open in shock as you looked between Tom, your friends behind the camera, and the crew. Well, that threw you for a loop.

“I- I… don’t know what to say to that. I don’t think I’m comfortable spitting in your face, that seems mean. But… I’m not here to kink shame so thank you I guess.”

There were a few snorts behind the camera as you picked the next one, “Tom Holland is both cute and sexy at the time and it’s really messing with my sanity.”

Tom smirked at the camera and flipped his collar, “I mean what can I say?”

“it’s a point of contention in our household for sure.”

“That I’m sexy and cute?”

You shook your head, “no, that you think your sexy and cute. It’s cocky and rude.”

Tom laughed, “it’s cocky and rude to be confident?”

You turned to the camera, “see? Point of contention.”

“I just think that you’re losing your sanity over my cuteness and sexiness.”

You shrugged obnoxiously, “oh you caught me.” You pointed to his bucket, “please keep going.”

“Okay but imagine: a y/n y/l/n Anna Kendrick sex scene. I mean the power and sexuality they hold is absurd.”

You slapped your hand on your knee, “I love Anna. She’s so funny and I would love to do a sex scene with her or just sex her really.”

“seriously?” tom said exasperated, “you’re sitting here in front of your boyfriend and you’re saying that you want to have sex with someone else?”

You nodded, “yes.”

“dude.”

“relax, it’s not actually going to happen, it’s just hypothetical.”

“you wound me.”

“here, let me boost your ego with a thirst tweet. Tom Holland is fine as hell, I’d eat that ass like a chocolate croissant, chomp chomp bitch. He could choke and kill me and I’d only ask for more. Lemme chomp chomp on that bussy please.”

“wow… I’m not sure that cheered me up exactly but thank you none the less.” He pulled a new slip, “At least 3 times a week me and my boyfriend talk about wanting to have a threesome with y/n y/l/n.”

“wow…”

“why is everyone trying to have sex with my girlfriend?”

“because I’m hot as fuck.”

“can’t argue with that.”

“Alright next one, Tom Holland with that half smile and lip bite fuuuuuckk nope nope nope.”

“okay, that one made me feel better.” Tom said with a little smirk causing you to roll your eyes and laugh.

Tom grabbed the next one, “y/n y/l/n has the best boobs. That’s it that’s the tweet.” He waved the paper a bit, “I happen to agree with you.”

“well thank you for thinking my boobs are great.” You plucked out a new tweet, “Daily reminder: tom Holland is daddy af.”

“I should set an alarm for myself that goes off at the same time every day that just blares ‘Tom Holland is daddy af’.”

“absolutely not. Veto. Nix. Not happening.”

“you’re just mad they think I’m daddy.” You gestured to the bucket, causing tom to roll his eyes and reach into it. “y/n y/l/n can choke me and run me over and I’d say thank you and sorry for the dent in your car.”

You let out a loud bark of laughter, “that’s super funny. Definitely the funniest one I’ve heard so far. Whoever wrote this, you’re funny and I appreciate your comical genius.”

“alright I think we have like one more each, let’s do this.”

“Tom Holland is either a smol puppy or a sex god, there is no in between.” You shook your head, “I actually think there is an in between. It’s called boyfriend Tom. It’s when he’s all cuddly but not quite as baby as smol puppy. Like he’s still a functioning adult but he’s being sweet.”

“ya know… sometimes you can be pretty sweet.”

“aww thanks babe.” You leaned forward to give him a little peck before smiling brightly, “last one! Make me blush!”

“Hey @y/n can I lick your forehead?” you two sat in silence for a moment before tom furrowed his brow, “is that like a sexual thing?”

“I guess…? That’s a new request though, I’ve never heard that one. Interesting.”

“what’s your answer?”

“huh?”

“can you lick their forehead?”

“I’m going to go with no…”

“and that’s the end of our really fun and definitely not at all awkward video!” tom said excitedly

“thanks for watching everyone! We love you and thanks for tweeting thirsty stuff!”

#marvel #spiderman #spiderman homecoming #spiderman far from home #tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader fanfiction #tom holland x reader imagine #marvel cast #marvel cast fanfiction #marvel cast imagine #spiderman cast #spiderman imagine #marvel fanfiction #marvel imagine #emma writes

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hematomes · 2 years

Note

The amount of shitty BL mangas/webtoons I read because I was desperate for any sort of queer media when I finally remembered I was gay is ridiculous.

Like one of them has a sex scene every other chapter,why the hell was I reading something like that????

I remember another one where literally every guy was built like a god damn Jojo character,THIS DUDE IS YOUNGER THAN ME WHY IS HE SO FUCKING HUGE.

Granted this doesn't mean there were any good ones, despite some flaws some of them were actually really nice,some were cute,others delved into a lot of serious topics that you wouldn't expect from a bl manga.

Also I was reading like 10 at the same time,I was not doing well.

ZBXKZKD SAAAME SOMETIMES I READ THE MOST RAUNCHY SHIT???? WHY?? WHZT IS GOING ON???? but yeah it's mostly bc i rarely vibe with the queer rep in western media,,,,

i don't read a lot of webtoon bc most of the time there's a shit ton of sex and it makes me sex-repulsed so easily bye

BUT SOME HAVE PLOTS THAT ARE SO GOOD THAT. I JUST SUFFER THROUGH IT BC THE STORY'S AMAZING

#[☂️] holly / 💜

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meteorologears · 3 years

Text

c22 great British bake-off AU

There are three main plots

There’s the Cathcart plot - Cathcart is supposed to be one of the contestants on the show, but he’s truly incompetent and only starts doing well once his co-star Korn starts helping him with the idea that he can either sabotage Cathcart and/or that Cathcart will win and then Korn can reveal that he cheated and gain the fame (since there’s no cash prize)

There’s the Milo plot - Milo makes it to the final three bakers because he becomes the supplier for the show’s materials and then in the penultimate episode just buys out the entire show from the broadcasting network with the help of a previously-antagonistic show producer. He’s also actually good at baking and wins the show, starting up his own bakery on top of owning the baking show network and everything.

There’s the Yossarian plot - Yossarian realizes that the entire thing is intense (from waking up at 5 to get there at 7 to return home at 11), and starts trying to lose except someone is always worse than him for one reason or another. Despite this, he makes the final three people in the show.

More under cut because this is insanely long.

The Judges:

Peckem and Dreedle are the two judges, and Dreedle winds up quitting after the seventh week because of some drama behind the scenes with his wife. Contestants Korn and Cathcart both become hell-bent on replacing him as a judge, but some dude who operated the audition process steps in (hint: Scheisskopf), and this guy judges everything based off of appearance so they’re pretty much screwed. Peckem is still there and tries to uphold the judging but… that goes as well as expected.

The Hosts:

The hosts are a comedy duo consisting of McWatt, who is unabashedly himself, dressing colorfully and wearing fancy earrings each class. He wears his hair short, neat, and gelled back, and asks everyone if he can taste things from whatever they’re making (they agree, of course). Sometimes he wears an apron himself. Has great rapport with all the contestants and lives in London with his boyfriend. Makes constant raunchy jokes he thinks are funny

The other host is the chaplain, who lives in Amsterdam but has a long-time girlfriend in Portugal with their children. He’s the shyer of the hosts and makes constant jokes to break the silence. He can’t cook and always offers to help but he does more harm than good (knocking dough on the ground, leaning on trays of buns), and most people seem to want him to leave

The Producer:

Wintergreen is a producer on the show, and nearly gets kicked off after vindictively limiting the screen time of people he hates. He accepts Milo’s offer to buy out the entire show. He is both the weakest and strongest link.

The weeks + the people:

Week One - Snowden leaves. No one really remembers the first person to go, but he wound up having to leave from a wound sustained in baking. He comes back at the end party and it’s revealed he’s recovering and is fine.

Week Two - Major Major leaves. He’s certain the other contestants are teasing him (they’re not), and he delays one filming time from being in the bathroom when he’s supposed to be judged. He’s a desk receptionist and bakes in his spare time.

Week Three - Clevinger leaves. He does well in the beginning but in the third challenge he throws the entire dish on the floor by mistake (since he’s precise and incredibly clumsy) and is eliminated because it’s inedible. He graduated college and lives with his dog in an apartment - he’s also good friends with Yossarian (maybe a previous romance) - and convinced him to audition for the show. He is a lawyer.

Week Four - Daneeka leaves. He always thinks his end product is great and that everything was more difficult for him (i.e. they are tempering chocolate and he thinks the humidity is worse for him than anyone else). He complains that he should’ve won because he had more difficulties to overcome (which he didn’t). He’s a medical consultant.

Week Five - Orr leaves. Orr quickly becomes a zany fan favorite and loses for some indeterminable reason. He goes on to win another baking show, where he later judges. His outputs are always near perfect except he does things like uses only neon colors, which gets him called out by the judges. He’s a swim instructor and handyman.

Week Six - Dunbar leaves. He decides he doesn’t want to be in the show anymore, and messes up intentionally like Yossarian, except it actually works. Each time he switches sugar for salt, which quickly lands him in a failing place. He and Yossarian become good friends over this shared goal to lose, and he becomes good friends with Clevinger after stealing his salt multiple times.

Week Seven - Korn leaves. He’s working with Cathcart, although it’s also partially against him with the ultimate goal of getting ahead, winning, and upon learning Dreedle is leaving, making intentional mistakes so he can replace him as judge (it doesn’t work).

Week Eight - Nately leaves. Nately is 19 and still the youngest baker of that year but he’s actually super good? He got especially good baking for a girl he was fond of and her sister, and enrolled in the competition because she wanted to go to the afterparty but didn’t want to bake her way there.

Week Nine - Cathcart leaves. He’s just… bad. And now Korn isn’t there to back him up the same way he was before, which means that with his supports falling, he can’t make anything and promptly loses and goes home. He is angry.

The Finale - Features Milo, Yossarian, and Havermeyer. Milo wins.

Finale people who aren’t Milo:

Havermeyer - he’s in the last three because he’s actually incredibly good at baking, is competitive, and has also competed in other shows before (to win, of course). He typically adds a peanut spin to his work, and is incredibly skilled in sugar work for no real reason. He’s a PE teacher in an elementary school who constantly rallies to have skeet shooting as one of the activities. He grew up for some time in America, but spent more time in England. He got good cooking for his boyfriend Appleby who is insufferable, and cooks also. All clips of them are him fighting with Appleby on baking methods.

Yossarian - he’s in the last three because he always does better than the worst person. He’s not bad, but he’s not great. He’s in love with the host (the chaplain) and also with his ex Clevinger and not with Dunbar but they are good friends. He’s friends with everyone except for Havermeyer, who isn’t friends with anyone. Yossarian has a pair of large dangly earrings which were a gift from McWatt, who he went to college with years before, which he wears most days.

Other stuff that can happen. For laughs.

It’s not set up as a romance BUT there can be.. there is room for it..

I am thinking specifically of the 2019 GBBO Twitter polyamorous theories about real contestants except it’s Twitter theorizing about Dunbar Clevinger and Yossarian, and later also the chaplain after they finish a challenge and Yossarian yells “darling” and tackles the chaplain into one of the tables. The internet goes crazy.

I think it’d be funny if Milo had a girlfriend but was also dating like two other people six-dinner-sid style. No one knows until the producer posts about his hook-up on his Instagram account.

McWatt wearing awesome earrings and also eyeshadow, which the chaplain also does after losing a bet.

Appleby didn’t make it onto the show and is bitter about that.

#PLEASE fight me on this i am begging you!#Catch 22 #ive been thinking about this for days #mine #also i am SO sorry if this has been done before... i dont think it has though #c22 #long post #catchllection

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goblinlovesmusicals · 3 years

Text

Flat-Top x Rusty headcanons

Flats really really cared about Rusty, but shoved those feelings deep down because he didn’t think anyone could love someone like him. He was also too blinded by wanting to join Greaseball’s gang to do much at the time.

Then he does the thing where he gives Rusty his helmet back after the gang beat him 🥺

He wants him to be safe, which is why he told him to give up.

Flat-Top figured that after Rusty and Pearl got together, he didn’t have any chance so he gave up before he even tried. Then Rusty and Pearl broke up and he went 👀

Flats usually flirts extremely raunchy-like and physically but this time he was shy and nervous and kind of just approached Rusty like “So Uh, you wanna Uh go out sometime? I mean you don’t have to but uh I’d feel really nice if you did!” And Rusty was like “Are you asking me on a date?” And Flats was like “NO! ...Yes...” and they went on a very awkward but very sweet date.

That date turned into more dates and the rest is history.

Flats tells the stupidest jokes and Rusty laughs at all of them no matter how funny he really thinks they are.

Rusty is the big spoon ☺️

Flats helps Rusty upkeep his joints and Rusty helps Flats get the grime off

Brick is their son

They get caught making out so many times

Everyone was like “...this dude? For real?” They expected Pearl or CB or hell, even Dustin but Flat-Top? He wasn’t on the list at all

Rusty: I thought you said steam was out of date?

Flat-Top: Poppa’s out of date, you’re fine as hell 😉.

Rusty: 🥺

Flats gave up on joining the gang, Rusty and the freight are enough for him.

Awkward hand holding? Awkward hand holding.

Pearl was jealous as hell ngl

#starlight express #flat top the brick truck #rusty the steam engine #flat top x rusty

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neo-culture-mafia · 4 years

Text

고통스러운 기억

previous chapter

나 재민 Na Jaemin

My whistling tones could be heard as I walked down the school's main hallway. I was so close to tracking down Mark and Y/n. I could basically envision them walking right beside me on the way to my smoke break. Yet, smoking was no longer an option. Only these sugar-free cherry lollipops that seemed never-ending.

I had their locations. It was so easy I'm surprised I didn't look there in the first place. They were in our old apartment. I was planning on going up there this weekend when some of the elites were on a mission.

"Jaemin. What are you doing?" Chenle bounced next to me. My lollipop was already out of my mouth when I turned towards him.

"Solving World Hunger." I deadpanned and put the sugar treat back in my mouth. "You have blue hair now. Blueberry Head." My eyebrow raised as my hands slipped into my pockets. "Oh, thats cool by the way. You can buy me lunch anytime you want. Guess what?" I began walking but he decided to follow me and spill all his thoughts he had in that big head of his. We got next to the auditorium on the other side of the building before I stopped him.

"Aren't you supposed to be in class?" I abruptly stopped and he almost ran into me but caught himself quite quickly. "Oh. Yeah. Jeno said that if anyone questioned me to just say I was in his class. That's what he said I could do if I got out of his class and stopped bothering him." I wanted to laugh in the younger boy's face but knew that this opportunity was just too good to pass up.

"Lele. You do realize that I'm a teacher too...right?" I asked and it took a moment. I could see the realization appear on his face.

"Oh yeah. Uh-" Footsteps were heard behind me so I whipped around quickly to see nobody there. "What the hell?" I turned back to see that I was by myself. I was more spooked that he actually pulled that off. That hasn't been achievable since we were kids. Classic escape trick.

"That melon head." I sneered and began walking down the hall towards where I thought I heard the footsteps.

I passed the memorial and saw Hyuck's face. A swell of pride set in my chest as I leaned on the wall next to the glass. "I'm about to do some cool shit that I would've rubbed in your face." I chuckled. My back rested against the wall as I kicked my leg up on the wall. "Don't mean to brag. But I'm about to track down and reunite the whole family." I couldn't control the want and need to pop my color and act like the true badass I was.

I sighed, "I know. No need to thank me. Just doing what I do best-" "I wasn't thanking you though." I jumped to see the King Head himself reappeared with banana milk in hand. I got up ready to slap him when he smiled. "You need to stop sneaking up on people. And- appearing and disappearing whenever you please." I fixed my collar.

"Jae. I was with you all along. I didn't disappear." His thoughts got in my head as he innocently drank his flavored milk. "You looked down and around," Chenle's face got eerily close to mine, "But when you were in doubt-- you didn’t look up." His eyes flickered towards the ceiling as I followed his gaze.

Nothing.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean-" Yet, when I looked back down to eye level, I was alone.

I turned around back towards the case and literally ran into the young Chinese boy. "Stop doing that!" I seethed and but down on my lollipop.

His laughter could be heard as I started storming away down the hall.

"Wait for me!"

~~~~

The apartment never looked so tempting as it did right now, even from the 7-11 parking lot across the street. The aura coming from that nasty apartment building seemed so inviting to just go up and knock. Yet, my ass stayed on my motorcycle.

The coordinates scribbled down on paper lead me right to where home actually laid. "Oh my god, Jae. Don't be such a pussy." I groaned at myself and turned my bike off. I put the key in my pocket and put my kickstand down.

I started walking off the lot and my stomach was dropping into my feet. "Go back. Go back." My feet didn't listen as I approached closer and closer. "Please just go back," I begged my body. My body was ready to see them but I knew my heart wasn't.

I scaled the familiar steps and the next thing I knew, I was standing in front of the old familiar door I had shut only 7 and a half months ago. My hand came up to knock on the door. My body just couldn't come down and make my presence known to them.

What the hell do I say? 'yeah, you can come back now.' ?? Of course, I couldn't say that.

I turned around and reached for my cherry sucker. There was none left. "Dammit." My hands needed to be doing something. I spotted the 7-11 and knew that I would be only a couple minutes.

I turned towards the door and pointed, "I'll be back. We're not finished here." I was off down the steps and to the 7-11. It still smelled the same raunchy aroma that I still smell sometimes when I'm alone in my bed at 2 am. The stench was so distinct that my nostrils couldn't let go of it.

I went to the candy section and grabbed a big pack of suckers. I went to the front and laid down a $5. I walked out not in the mood for the excess human interaction.

I walked back to my bike and set the larger lollipop bag in my backpack as I shoved a handful into my coat pocket.

You got this, Jae. Just go up and hug them or tell them that you’re here again. Take them out for dinner or something.

I stood by my bike and was staring at the door that was still visible. I was trying to open it with my mind and have them come to me. I just didn't want to fear the rejection I knew I would face from Mark.

I just want to hug them and know that they're okay.

I want to know that they're not mad at me. That they're proud of me or something.

I nearly fell over when the door actually opened and two people exited. They were both in hoodies and looked sickly pale. They came down the steps and I could see that it was them. They didn't look the happiest but their smiles still shone the brightest.

I realized that they were coming straight towards the 7-11 and got too scared to face them. I turned my back towards them and pretended I needed something out of my bag. I was expecting a hug or something at least. Yet, they walked past me as if I wasn't even there.

I'm not mad. I knew that they weren't supposed to be looking for me or expecting to see me here. I knew that they didn't know I changed my hair from the pale pink to a soft blue. It wasn't their fault.

I watched them through the tinted lens of my glasses as they picked out small items to eat. Nothing sustainable.

They walked out with smiles and a meal that would make me groan out of dissatisfaction. I knew what I could do.

I watched them as they went back to the apartment and shut themselves in like hermits.

I threw my head to the sky and sighed. "Hyuck if this is you doing this, I swear that once I get up there I am going to beat your ass." I took my wallet. "I can't go back to jail, dude. I told you this, already." I whined as I walked back into the convenience store. I searched the aisles and went to the counter once I saw that it was clear.

"Those two people who just walked in," I pointed to where the apartment was as anyone could see it from the front of the store. "How often do they come in here?" I asked and the clerk just looked taken aback. "Every day, why?" I opened my wallet and started rummaging.

"What do they usually get?" My questions went unanswered for a moment longer than I was pleased with. "Usually just a plain kimbap and water to share?" The young boy seemed a little freaked out. "This is what you're going to do for me..." I looked at his name tag. "Jeongin." I looked him in the eyes and brought the wad of cash into our viewpoints.

"This is ₩1,000,000. You will put this on a gift card and the next time they come in they are going to," I took a deep breath, thinking of a word that didn't sound...demeaning. "Win. They are going to 'win' this gift card." I smiled and he was still frozen in his position. "But I'm not authorized to do tha-" "Then authorize yourself...and do it." I pushed the money towards him and he took it hesitantly.

He grabbed a gift card from behind the counter and gave me a piece of paper. "You need to sign this paper in order for me to give this to them when they receive the card." I noticed the boy was scared as his eyes wouldn't meet mine.

"Jeongin." I sighed as a light chuckle escaped my mouth, "Tell me, do you have older or younger siblings?" I asked and he visually gulped. "Well, yes. Yes, I do. Older and younger." He nodded. I smiled and pushed the money forward along with the form. "Well, they are my family. But, they cannot know that I'm doing this for them." I tried to appeal to his emotions but it was blocked.

"But-" "Jeongin you have 1 minute to put the money on the damn card and get this form out of my face before I light this place on fire." The lollipop I had bought from him not even 10 minutes ago hung from my lips.

He scrambled the form into the trash and started putting the money on the card. "Would you like to give a name?" He asked and I only slowly cocked my head to the side. Did he really not listen to what I was saying?

"Oh, yeah." He pressed more buttons and a receipt popped out. "You can call this number and see when and what they spent it on if you need to." He circled a phone number at the bottom of the paper and I smiled. "You caught on so quickly." I laughed and he could only chuckle in fear. My glasses fell to the tip of my nose as I shoved the receipt into my wallet.

"You give this to them and I won't come back. I find out this doesn't go to the boy or girl, I'll know who's skin I'll use as a doormat." I looked into his fox-like eyes and winked. He nodded quickly and put the card into his uniform pocket.

"I was never here," I called as I walked out the door and to my bike.

I wouldn't get to see them today.

You’re not going to intrude on their dinner! That is rude! Plus, you need to go to the tunnel door.

My mental to-do list checked itself off as I started the trek to the tunnels. Where I lost one of the most important people to me. I would go, pay my respects, and go to see the door myself.

The night was beautiful. The sun was golden and I knew that Hyuck was somewhere around here shining down on us all.

~~~~~

By the time I got to the tunnel opening, it was much darker. I propped my bike at the entrance of our tunnel and sat at the opening of the concrete jungle.

I played with some of the rocks nearby as I tried to break down my emotions.

"I'm sorry it ended like this." I spoke into the end. "But, I promise that you don't need to worry. No matter where you are, I am trying my best to get us back to where we were."

I sniffled my tears up and threw my head to the sky. "I love and miss you, dude."

I stood up and brushed all the dust off of my pants. I started to walk into the tunnel towards where our door is. I was looking for anything really. A sign of life or struggle. Just to reaffirm reality. That Hyuck was gone and he wasn't struggling. We all knew he was. There was a hope that I would make it to our door and see Hyuck there: Long hair and beard as he had survived and gone back to a simpler and caveman-like way of life.

Yet, I was met with the cold reality of the fact. No one was at the end of the tunnel. A shoe laid on the ground in the corner next to the door. It wasn't Hyuck's but it was y/n's. I knew she was okay but it still made a cry erupt from my chest.

I sat down on the dusty ground and held the shoe to my body. Nobody was going to touch it but me.

If only you would've gone back and not listened to Mark, Jae. Maybe, Hyuck would still be here and you would've gotten to Busan on time. Maybe, if you would've worked out more you could've carried y/n faster and she would be in the family again. God Jae, you're so stupid.

I held the shoe tighter as my tears fell and my head rested against the cement wall. "I'm so sorry."

"If you were to bring them back alive. Then I suppose they can be sworn in once more." Taeyong was not happy with the situation at all. He fucked it up himself and now it felt like he was paying for it. Jeno's eyes filled with tears quickly as I could only freeze in pure ecstasy. "We won't mess this up." Jeno bowed deeply to Taeyong and so did I. They were going to be coming home.

"Let's go." Jeno ushered me out of the office as he shut the big door behind him. We only stared at each other for a couple of seconds before wrapping each other up in the tightest hug we could manage. "Come on. I already have some ideas of where they could be!" Jeno pulled me down the hall and to the tech room where Renjun and Chenle were currently running Mark's and Y/n's chips through testing. They were still alive but there was no clear signal.

Hours went by and more and more people were losing motivation for the day. After the last person went to bed, I was the last person in the room. They were close. I could feel it. I wasn't going to rest until I knew exactly where, though.

Anger bubbled inside of my chest as I unwillingly screamed and threw the deteriorating shoe at the wall in front of me. My body felt as if it was a soda bottle that was being shaken up. I was about to explode on pure anger alone.

I got up and started punching and kicking the walls. "Why couldn't you just open?!" I screamed as I pulled on the locks and handles of the door as much as I could. "You stupid fucking-" bang bang bang bang

I looked around and grabbed a rusted iron pipe that laid on the floor. I took all my anger out just beating this door. I imagined the door as everything that has wronged me in life. This life wasn't fair but it was okay.

It will all be okay eventually

"No. It won't!" I screamed and something on the door broke. A latch fell inside the door and I threw the rusted pipe down. I pulled on the door as much as I could and it finally gave way and opened.

Our secret bunker was revealed where money coated the walls. "Why couldn't you have broken back then?" I looked to the door and kicked it one last time.

I walked in and was automatically taken back to my childhood. Scary but fun.

I grabbed the doll that rested on the coffee table.

"Give it back you acorn!" I held y/n's doll above her head and ran around the bunker as she chased me. I stopped quickly as she ran into me and we both fell to the ground. "Get off of me! You have cooties!" I yelled and tried pushing her off of me.

"Then give me the doll back!" She yelled but I continued to play 'keep-away'. "No. And don't cry about it." As if I had flipped the switch to the lakes behind her eyes, she started crying. Everyone around the small house tuned into the situation. "Give me the doll back or I'm gonna kiss you and-and you're going to have cooties." she threatened and I thought she would never do it.

"Never." I got up and started running around more. Renjun put his leg out and tripped me so I fell face-first into the carpet. I watched in slow motion as y/n leaned down and laid a sloppy kiss on my cheek. My 10-year-old mind thought I was dying as I released her doll and began to wipe the drool off of me.

"Thank you!" She cheered as she grabbed her doll and sat next to Mark and Jeno.

I groaned as I rolled over and made eye contact with Renjun. "Do that again and-" "and what?" Renjun threatened. He raised a fist and I saw red. I lept off the ground and tackled Renjun to the floor. For being a scrawny kid, he was strong.

We both laid some punches on each other's faces before being pulled apart by the older elites. "Tell me why babysitting kids was a good idea?" Johnny asked Taeyong as Johnny's teenage arms wrapped around my wiggly body.

"They'll grow up to love each other. We just have to stick to it." Taeyong said pushing Renjun over and sitting on him so he couldn't move.

"True. Very true, Taeyong." I chuckled as I set the doll back down and sat on the couch.

"You can't be serious." I laughed as Donghyuck nodded. "It's from America. I found it in Johnny's bedroom. He called it 'gush'?" He held up the small bag more to the light. It was night time and we both snuck out. It was a couple days after my 16th birthday. It was cold that night but the bunker was so warm.

"...Do you eat it?" I asked and he only shrugged. "I heard Jaehyun say, 'smoke'. But, I don't know what to use." He confessed. "I saw the papers he was talking about using. They were like," he thought for a moment and got up, walking to the bookcase on the other side of the room. He immediately grabbed the Bible and opened it to start feeling the paper between his fingers. "Basically the same." I could hear him whisper and before I could ask what he was doing, he ripped a handful of pages out.

He came back over and took the bag and throwing it on the floor. He stepped on it till the little green rocks were broken up. I watched as he skillfully folded the paper and dumped the remnants of the small clear bag onto the thin pages. He rolled it up and grabbed a lighter from the near-by table. He wasted no time in putting the roll to his mouth and lighting one end while he took a deep breath in.

Violent coughing was followed by my uncontrollable laughter. I grabbed it and it automatically felt like a cigarette. I lit the one end and inhaled. It burned different than a cigarette but it felt nice. It automatically lifted a weight off of my head. I sat back and blew rings into the air surrounding us.

We took turns until all that was left was the mouth-piece. I threw it onto the glass coffee table and just leaned back. "Oh, that feels amazing." Hyuck sighed as he curled into a ball in the crevice of the couch. I watched Hyuck as he continued to apologize to the bible and his ancestors for doing drugs.

I spent the next 4 hours high off my ass. It was magical and we were back at the house before breakfast even started.

"You smell like ass." Y/n said as soon as we walked into the house. She was walking down the main marble staircase while most people were in the kitchen or the living room still waking up with cartoons. "Shut the fuck up," I whisper yelled and she was just taken aback. Hyuck went over to put his finger in front of her lips. "Shut it." He said and walked past her and up the stairs.

"I don't care what you did but just go take a shower. It smells like you fucked a skunk." She pushed Hyuck away from her and tried to make a right into the living room but I took her and wrapped her in my arms. "Ew, you smell even worse!" She screeched and I was still buzzed so I thought it was hilarious. Johnny and Jaehyun however, did not find this funny.

She pushed me away and I turned to go up the stairs when I ran into Johnny and Jaehyun...literally. "You're zooted." I heard Johnny sigh and was super confused. "Is breakfast done I'm so hungry." I groaned as I tried to break through the wall of older boys.

"Nope. Go take a cold shower." Jaehyun pointed up the stairs. "Jaemin. Don't tell Johnny I took his gush." Hyuck stood at the top of the stairs, peeking out from behind the corner, his finger over his lips. His voice echoed off the marble walls and stairs.

I held a thumbs up as Johnny's mouth dropped. "You took mine? And it's called kush you dumbass. I'm gonna beat both of your asses once you come down." Johnny grabbed the back of my collar and started to pull me up the stairs. At the top of the stairs, Mark came out of his room.

Fear rushed into my head and all of a sudden, I wasn't drifting to reality, I was falling very hard. "Oh, Mark!" Johnny greeted over-enthusiastically. "I'm so glad you're here!" Jaehyun called from the middle of the stairs. "We found out where these two numb-nuts were." I looked up to Johnny and put a finger to my mouth. "It's a secret. Sssshhh." I said but Johnny wasn't in the mood.

"They were out smoking weed." Mark's eyes widened as walked closer. "Oh, yeah? Where's the other one?" Mark's arms were crossed over his chest. "Ran off to his room." Johnny spilled everything. "Alright, thank you. I'll take care of it." Mark said and Johnny released my collar.

I tried to fake Mark out and run the other way but stumbled on my own two feet.

He gripped the back of my collar and pulled me all the way to Hyuck's room. Hyuck was still trying to take his pants off from the night before. "I'm cHanGInG!" He groaned as he fought with his own legs.

"And you're doing it while high." Mark said and Hyuck almost looked like he was offended. "How dare you accuse me of partaking in such a devious act," Hyuck said trying to stand up but fell over his pant leg. I tried falling to the floor in laughter as Hyuck was already wheezing from the humor. Mark didn't find it funny though.

We were both thrown in a cold shower and forced to drink plain hot coffee. We hit reality very quickly once we got out and were met with our workout clothes. "5Km before breakfast," Mark said and walked out of the bathroom.

We didn't get caught high anymore after that.

I looked at the armory and saw my old gun. The red paint and ropes tied around the butt of the heavy metal. I saw the date written on the slide. 2018.28.09. I could only sigh as my head fell back on the couch.

I was high once again. Life was getting harder and the light was getting dim. I had said my goodbyes and I had given my most prized possessions away. My conscious was clean. I was leaving with no unfinished business.

I sat in my favorite spot in the bunker. Where I sat to get high more than once with Donghyuck. My spot on Family movie night even though I would have to arm wrestle or actually wrestle Renjun or Y/N for it.

I don't think they'd want this spot anymore.

Just me, my alcohol, and my gun. My last pack of cigarettes has dwindled to empty and so has my will to live.

'it was a long time coming and i'm sorry you had to find me like this~' was written on the note that laid next to me. The thick envelope held my goodbye letter to my family, my favorite people.

"Please let it be quick." I talked to anyone that might've been watching over me. I didn't want to suffer for any longer than I needed to.

I started to read my S.O.M. even though I wasn't on a mission. It seemed fitting as I had made living a chore. It really was a mission by this point.

My phone dinged and I could make out the name through the tears,

'Bunny: Let's go. I got you ice cream. It's sitting on the counter waiting for you! peach and strawberry!' A weep crackled through my chest. She was going to have to eat it by herself because I wasn't going to be coming home tonight.

My phone dinged once more, 'Bunny: Your favorite movie just uploaded to Netflix. Wanna watch it? I haven't seen it yet!' The guilt started growing in my chest but I wasn't going to drown in it.

I threw my phone down with a satisfying crack. I grabbed the gun and loaded it as fast as I could. The alcohol spilled and I couldn't get the bullet in the chamber. 'just let me have this one thing' I asked a higher being but nothing would budge. My own heartbeat drowned all other sounds out.

I didn't even hear the door open and Mark ask me if I was okay. I think he pieced what was trying to happen when he saw my tears and struggle. The envelope on the seat next to me confirmed the assumptions. He closed the door and walked over slowly.

He slowly put his hand on my shoulder. "Jae?" His voice was soft. I looked up through my tear-soaked eyelashes and saw his concerned look. I thought he was going to yell at me so I just gave up as the gun and round dropped onto the carpet below.

I covered my face with my hand as he cleared the spot next to me. "Hey, buddy." He rubbed my back. "It's okay." I was waiting for him to blow up. "Just do it already." I snapped and he chuckled, "Do what?" I looked at him once more. "Scream. Yell. Tell me how stupid I am for wanting to die." I sighed. "Why do you think I would yell at you for something like this?" He was so comforting it just made me more scared.

"Because. You-you guys always say that it-t it's not the right way to go. Only cowards do this-is kinda stuff." I mimicked his words and I thought I could hear his heartbreak. "And you're right." I nodded and he only shook his head. "We didn't know you struggling, Jae." His voice hitched at the end.

"It's hurt for so long, man." I chuckled sitting back on the couch.

Mark leaned down and grabbed the singular round and heavy metal weapon.

He put the round in his pocket and walked over to put the gun up on the armory wall. Mark walked back over and stood in front of me. He only raised his arms up. Some tears cut across his cheeks but I could tell he was trying his best to keep it together. I stood up and wrapped my arms around him. His hand came up to pat the back of my head. "I'm so proud of you, Jae." I lost it once more as I felt into a pit of guilt.

"You're so strong and if I would have known you were this hurt then I wouldn't have let you struggle for this long by yourself," Mark confessed, "I promise." My sobs sliced the air in loud yet healing breaths.

"I'm so sorry." I sobbed into my older brother's shoulder. "There is nothing to be sorry about." Mark shushed me. "I'm just glad I followed you when I did." He confessed.

"And I promise that we'll get you help." Mark was so forgiving.

I don't think he knows that I heard him cry himself to sleep that night.

No one else knew. Not even y/n who slowed me down. If it weren't for her-- Mark might've been too late to save me.

I sighed as I stood up and got ready to leave this memory-filled wonder house.

I turned off the lights and tried to close the door as much as I could, hoping no homeless man would try to open it. I walked through the tunnels to my bike that sat unscathed by any passers-by.

I hopped on and looked at the entrance one more time. "I promise."

The ride home was long yet I had just arrived in time for family dinner. I walked in as everyone sat down. "Jaemin! You're back!" Taeyong greeted and I could only smile. "Where were you?" Taeil asked and I had this unreadable grin. "I saw Mark and Y/N." The only one not excited by the news was Taeyong.

"Really? Did you speak to them?" Jisung nearly sprang out of his seat. "Not necessarily, bud." I laughed as I sat down in between Doyoung and Jeno. "They walked right past me though!" I said and Chenle laughed. "Sounds about right!" He hummed.

"Are they okay? Do they look healthy? What were they doing?" Renjun asked as he took a piece of meat into his mouth. I didn't have the heart to break it to them. The whole table was tuned into the news of everybody's no longer missing family members.

"They're...doing alright. They were going to the convenience store to buy some dinner." I nodded as I served myself food. "Are they back at the apartment?" Jeno questioned and I saw a look in Taeyong's eyes that made a shiver run down my spine.

"No. Not at the apartment." I shook my head as I counted the pieces of meat in my bowl. 5 pieces. Perfect.

"Well, we'll all be awaiting their return I suppose." Taeyong took a long sip of his hard liquor. "It's gonna be so nice having them back." Johnny smiled at everyone. "Kun said that the first night that he's coming back to cook. He's going to bring the whole team!" Renjun shared. "Yuta said he'll be flying in too!" Chenle cheered.

I side-eyed Taeyong and for a moment his venomous smile fell for a micro-expression to imprint into my mind. He looked dangerous, hateful, and over-all angry.

I pushed it aside and ate the first bite of food, "Sounds like a plan!"

86 notes · View notes

lihikainanea · 4 years

Note

it's raunchy hours here in the twilight zone so allow me to indulge you with a thought— bill practicing a sex scene for one of his upcoming roles on tiger. him in full character, would tiger get excited if for example bill was practicing a sex scene as roman / henry / etc?

or as THE BRAND NeW SWEDISH GANGSTER? Babe you sent this to me ages ago, and I didn’t get to it. And now I know why.

God I’ll bet he sets the scene, doesn’t he? Of course he does. I don’t know much about Clark Olofsson and I’m pretty sure this is wildly inaccurate but like...John Joseph Gotti, right? One of them gentlemen gangsters. Feared, cruel, even son of a bitch--but one that dressed real well and knew how to treat a lady.

And he’s seen the way tiger is eyeing him on set, eating him up in his costume and his accent and the whole bit. Let’s not forget--tiger loves it when Bill gets a little mean. So when he’s a dapper gentlemen in a scene and then gets all ruthless and mad as hell, tiger is just d y i n g. And Bill knows. He remembers her little Merkel kink that he indulged for her some time ago.

So listen, Bill has a real early call time one morning. He kisses her in her sleep, squeezes her a little tighter, and then he leaves--but he leaves a nice dress, a real nice dress, in a dry cleaning bag strewn neatly across the chair. A pair of high heels--very high heels, higher than she’d ever wear--on the floor in front of it. A note saying that she better be looking real good for dinner with his clients tonight. A hairdresser will come by the room at 4, the make up artist at 5. He leaves the tube of her dark, crimson lipstick--the one he loves on her--beside the note, and the unwritten message is clear. Wear it.

Tiger wakes up and stretches, makes her way to the coffee machine, and she sees the whole kit. She snickers a little, but then she reads the note and...oh. Oh my. A little thrill runs through her, and she texts her big dude. Asks him what the hell the deal is.

She gets a text back in return.

Mr. Olofsson is currently unavailable. He’s tending to business matters.

Oh.

And a second one a minute later:

But he implores you to mind your language when addressing him, Mrs. Olofsson.

Oh, my.

She texts him sporadically out the day, but is always met with some variation of it--his messages sometimes a tad annoyed, a tad warning, a tad mean the more she picks at him--until his assistant texts her, and tiger can read the confusion in the message.

He said...pineapple applies? Does that mean anything to you?

Tiger smiles.

And sure enough, at 4 o’clock the hairdresser knocks on the door. Tiger lets her in, but as she goes to close it, the girl stops her.

“My assistant is coming, ma’am. She just needs to get her kit from the car.”

“Her...kit?”

“For your nails, ma’am.”

“Right,” tiger eyes her, “Okay then.”

So they set tiger up, push her into a comfy chair, and the manicurist gets to work on her hands. Tiger leans over, tries to peek into her bag.

“Can I see some of your colours?” she asks. The girl bites her lip.

“I’m sorry, ma’am,” she says, “But Mr. Olofsson already chose the colour. I only brought that one.”

“Of course he did,” tiger smirked, and then gestured to her hair, “I suppose he also told you what he wanted, here?”

“He did, Mrs. Olofsson.”

“Right then.”

And they doll her up to the nines. To the nines. Her hair is soft and shiny, big waves and loose curls just how he likes. Her nails are polished in crimson--identical to the lipstick that the make up artist swiped on her. Her make up is dramatic, deep feline-flicked eyeliner and everything is sultry and mysterious and...dangerous. They help her get dressed, do up all the straps on her dress and help her teeter on her heels and then the doorbell rings again--and this time, it’s a chauffeur in a crisply pressed tuxedo. Tiger squeaks a little, has to stop herself from running to the gigantic blacked-out, shiny SUV. And that’s when she sees it--Bill. Only it’s not Bill. This dude is tall and handsome but he’s dangerous, his hair curling loosely on his forehead, a half-smoked cigarette dangling from his lips, black striped slacks and a button up shirt rolled to his elbows and--oh god--suspenders. A bow tie hung undone around his neck.

Tiger walks to him--allbeit a little slowly--in her heels.

“You are out of your goddamn mind, you know that?” she mutters incredulously to him. But the grin is wiped off her face when his goes stern, and she sees his jaw clench. Oh my. This is definitely not her Bill.

“You are going to watch your goddamn mouth with me, Mrs. Olofsson” he snaps, “No lady of mine will be caught dead swearing. ‘Specially not at me.”

Tiger squeaks a little, her eyes widening.

“Now apologize, get in the car, and mind your fucking manners tonight.”

She mumbles out an apology and he throws his cigarette to the ground, blowing the smoke out to the side before climbing in the car with her.

And listen, Bill doesn’t let up the entire night. Not for a second. he’s so dapper, so gentlemanly, so mannered. Tiger is wetter than a fire hose, fidgeting in her seat, but it’s clear the night is only over when Bill--er, Mr. Olofsson determines it is. And just uunnnf the sex would be so hot because Clark is a ladies man in that real bad boy way that I hate myself for finding so irresistible? He’s fucking filthy. It’s so dirty, the shit he’s muttering in her ear. He’s got her all tied up and trussed up and gasping for him, and he’s all dominating and taunting and god, tiger is in absolute pieces by the end of it. He probably disappears after too--because you know bad boys don’t stick around. They don’t spend the night, they don’t cuddle--he has clients to get to, associates to exact revenge on, an empire to steal. So instead he swats her ass, leaves her all tied up, tells her she can probably find her way out of it--and then he disappears.

And he probably disappears for a good 20 minutes. Tiger’s pretty sure she blacked out during that time. But when he comes back, he’s...he’s Bill again. Her Bill. His hair is wet from a shower, in a t-shirt and lounge pants, and he has a dopey, soft smile on his face. He smells like soap, like clean and comfort, and he leans over to brush a gentle finger down her cheek.

“Looks like you got yourself into some trouble tonight,” he smiles softly at her.

Tiger still can’t breathe.

#BFF!Bill #bill skarsgard #bill skarsgard drabbles

118 notes · View notes

1zashreena1 · 4 years

Text

Angst Fluff Whiplash -14

18+, m/f, technically OCxDiego Jimenez [Power]

Summary: What does an apex predator do after confessing undying love? Princess is about to find out.

WARNINGS: Ridiculous descriptions and ‘the code is more like guidelines’ outlook on grammar. Is it OOC if the character was given essentially zero development in canon???

Non-descriptive sexytimes, the L word, criminal activities glossed over, relationship building, plus size woman+fit man, Anxiety, This one is all feels and

I Am So NOT Sorry.

THE TIME HAS COME

A/N: Princess took on a life of her own and has essentially become an OC. There are infrequent mentions of her description (specifically as plus size) and her actual name in later pieces (its Bicki). She started as self-insert so she looks like me (plus size, white, short, blue eyes, curly hair). If that is not your thing, I totally understand. And do not feel obligated to read this, I will not be offended!

I’m not a fan of “plot” so be aware that most of this series is just meandering through their relationship, angst-fluff-smut whiplash style. But with dick jokes.

TAGLIST: @chelsfic @symbiont13 @nicke0115 @bunnykjm @rosee-sensuelle @girlpornparadise @mandoplease @heresathreebee @xxsteph-enrixx @jetiikad @joalsglasses @mutantcookiesecrets @demoncatstone @squidlywiddly87 @lockedoutofmyotherblog @poeedamerons

"I don't know, Lisa. He won't tell me. Not until this weekend apparently? We're supposed to go shopping."

"Honestly, I'm scared. I mean, there's the whole how did he get a passport FOR me dilemma. Then the part where he knows I don't like surprises. And he said he was calling my sister!"

"Oh my God, she could tell him anything! Please don't tell him about the Backstreet Boys phase. I'm going to have a panic attack."

"Of course he would tease me about it for eternity!"

"What? Watch what words? What are you talking about?"

"Do not hang up this phone! Do you even love me?!? Lisa? …. Hello?"

You toss your phone down on the bed and heave a huge sigh. Your very own BFF, abandoning you like that. Luckily its your own phone and not the insane cell Diego got you because it bounces off the other side of the bed and smacks into the wall before admitting total defeat to gravity.

You stand there staring at your open suitcase. Your typical items are in there already. You don't need any toiletries. Or makeup, now. Or bras. Or underwear. Fucking hell, its like I already moved into the penthouse with him.

… Could I do that? He already basically asked for it. He keeps telling me to quit my job and let him spoil me for real. You wring your hands together while rubbing your lips against each other and being bombarded with intrusive thoughts. Yeah. Until he's done with me and then I have to start all over. At 35.

But its been almost a year now that you've been seeing Diego. What does that even mean, "seeing" him? You think about how the last few months have been so… easy. He practically lives in New York now, their territory split. He opted to control the East Coast and let his sister deal with the logistical nightmare of receiving the imports.

He has been a lot looser since then. Faster to laugh, quicker to goof around, less likely to do anything as hard as he used to do. The distance from Alicia has allowed him to really flourish in every aspect. And he's beautiful with it. The laugh lines and the soft brown eyes wreck you every time.

He says he wants to keep you. Take care of you. You finally believe that he loves you. He has made so many improvements in communication. Hell, he read books on how to be with someone on the spectrum. Do you understand it? Hell no. Are you going to take it and run? Fuck yeah dude. I love him and I want to keep him.

And now he wants to take you on a trip. A surprise destination. Out of the country with a mostly legal passport. You don't doubt that you'll be safe with him. Your parents were a little concerned when you told them since they've never even met him. And they saw him on the national news that time he got arrested by the Feds, so that really inspires confidence.

Your middle sister Lynne and niece Halley accidentally met him that one afternoon about a month back. And they have not shut up about it since. Diego this, Diego that, blah blah blah, paid the restaurant bill in cash, yadda yadda, took us all shopping to a Coach store and then got Halley some crazy new sold out Nikes. Diego had been delighted to be surrounded by a gaggle of giggling girls enjoying his spoiling attentions. Just like always, Diego went to the max and charmed them silly.

It was like having an out of body experience to see Diego with them. You couldn't really fault them, he swept you off your feet with no problems. He was grinning and joking the whole time, making raunchy comments with your sister and encouraging your niece to be assertive (unnecessary according to her soccer coach and the 'Most Aggressive' trophy). He fit right in with them. Afterwards he had asked if that was what it was like to have normal siblings and your heart broke thinking about what his childhood had been like with his sister.

Which brought you back to the here and now. He had mentioned off hand that he was going to call your sister. Maybe you should text her. She might know something.

Maybe you should just pack your bag and trust him.

Your Diego Cell chirps and you dive for it on the nightstand. Is he okay? Please don't be hurt.

Its a pic of him. In the shower. With his own hand wrapped around himself. You choke on air and have to sit down.

I miss you Princess

Holy. Shit. Its been almost a year that you have had unrestricted access to that incredible body and your reaction is still the same. Before you can respond another text arrives:

SOON

The attached pic is just from squinty eyes up.

You burst out laughing at him. You love that he is secretly a nerd about internet stuff. His appearance would never give that away. Time to be ridiculous right back.

Don't make me lick your eyeball

You are a crazy person laughing to yourself alone in your bedroom.

You are so weird

Yet there you are, lusting after this weirdo

You shoot back.

… Am I the weirdo??

No. Still you.

I would threaten to bite it.. but you would like that

Well now you have to

Oh my God. You're fairly certain you could do anything to this man and he would think it was sexy. Its a novel experience.

Can we eat dinner at home tomorrow? I don't feel like wearing a real bra

You know the answer to that.

YES. NO MORE BRAS EVER AGAIN. BE FREE

… no panties?🙏🥺

You can see the hopeful puppy dog eyes clearly.

A for effort babe. One of these days you might get your wish lol

...Are you panty free right now?

Wow. He is really trying here.

I'm packing.

Your pic is a heap of tangled thongs dumped on top of Tiny Murder Panther.

💜🔥😛

He would find that hot. Fucking nympho.

Lemme finish this so I can go straight to the airport tomorrow

Fine. But I am pouting

You do not doubt that.

Don't care. Still love your stupid face

You cannot believe you just sent that.

Princess.

Mi amor.

Diego's good little girl.

You shudder with the praise. You can hear it in his voice, as if he were right here with you.

I love you

Dream of me?

Oh baby, if you only knew. You sigh wistfully.

Always, baby

---------------‐---------

The flight is uneventful, thankfully. Your maxidress with a built-in shelf bra is stupidly comfortable and you actually take a nap.

The plane has barely come to a stop and you already have on your silly lambswool lined Ugg flip flops. You had argued with Diego about these (Why would flip flops need a warm fuzzy lining??) but he had won by sticking one in your face and ordering you to feel. It didn't take a full second for you to snatch them both from him and cuddle them to your chest. His pleased smile full of dimples was worth all the subsequent teasing.

You slip on one of his previously stolen shirts in a metallic lilac color and roll up the sleeves so you have use of your hands. Bending at the waist, you flip your hair over and fluff it back up from the nap. What was that he had said? Oh yes: Wild and thick, just how I like it. The memory makes you bite your bottom lip and smile.

Bastian is waiting for you on the tarmac. He takes your bag and kisses you on the cheek in greeting. "Hey, sweetie. Nice shirt, is that new?" His knowing grin is infectious.

You nuzzle into the collar with a laugh. "Thanks! My boyfriend gave it to me."

Bastian chuckles as he opens the passenger door for you. "Oh, honey. That is not all he is going to give you." He closes the door while you roll your eyes smirkingly.

The ride to the penthouse is uneventful. Well, as uneventful as Friday evening rush hour traffic can be in New York.

Bastian waits until the song is over before lowering the stereo volume. "We're supposed to pick up dinner. Any requests?" He drums his fingers on the steering wheel while you sit at the red light.

You ponder the options. "What kind of a day has he had? Meetings? Tours? Disciplinary action?" You ask Bastian thoughtfully. Sometimes when Diego has a bad day he likes comfort food. Mostly a giant heap of rice and beans next to homemade tortillas, he isn't so picky about the variety of meat.

Bastian glances at you out of the corner of his eye before warily answering, "There was a… termination… at a construction site this afternoon that took longer than expected. That's why he didn't come to get you, he wanted to shower first."

You keep your eyes focused forward to look out of the windshield. "Okay. How about Jalisco's then?" Comfort food it is.

Bastian nods and adjusts course to obtain those tortillas.

‐--------------------

The instant the elevator doors ding open Diego pops up from the sectional and comes straight at you. Your giant sidestep to let Bastian pass is barely completed before Diego is slipping those big hands under his own pilfered shirt to crush your body to him. Your arms go around his neck like a reflex, like this is their natural resting place. He leans his forehead down onto yours and kisses you so very gently.

"Mmmm. Hi." You murmur softly into his beard. Those bottomless brown eyes look over your entire face before coming back to your own. His smile is huge, those dimples make your pulse trip. He blinks slowly down at you, just like the big cat you nicknamed him after.

"Princess. How was the trip?" He always asks you this. You still aren't sure if its just culturally specific manners or if he is requesting a review of the flight crew's performance. Either way, your answer is always the same.

You pull him back down so you can cuddle into his neck. "Its better now that I'm here." He rubs his cheek against your own and purrs directly into your ear in response. Your body's reaction is immediate and decisive. You shiver in his arms and your nipples peak to full attention.

Except this time is different. With only a bralette and the dress's shelf bra Diego can clearly feel what just happened in real time. His eyes are comically round as he peers down at your cleavage in pleasant wonder.

"Oh. I like this outfit." His hands rise up your back to crush you further into him. You chuckle and rub your chest on his firm pectoral muscles. He watches hungrily as your compressed decolletage rises higher yet from the added pressure. "New rule to match the bedroom pants bar, no bras in the penthouse. Fucking magnificent, bonita." He licks his lips after making this proclamation.

You throw your head back and laugh joyfully.

‐----------------------

As it always does the weekend passes too quickly. Its already 1:00pm on Saturday when you two finally come down from the bedroom.

Diego is delighted to hear that your time-off request was approved for the trip. You had told him not to worry about it, your boss always kept her word about this stuff.

That’s when he pulls a ridiculous pith hat out from under the couch. It looks like it came straight out of a Looney Tunes cartoon about a big game hunt on the African savannah. You lose your entire shit and laugh until you do that silent clapping seal move.

Diego keeps repeating, "Wait, stop laughing. Stooooop." But he isn't faring much better. You finally wipe the tears and calm down enough to take it from his limp fingers while he chortles a few last times.

"Baby. What. What the fuck. What fucking is this??" You plunk the hat on your own head and Diego collapses facedown into your lap to gigglesnort uproariously. "Stop. Stop laughing. Stoppit!" You smack the back of his head lightly until he comes up for air.

He closes his eyes and composes himself. You take the opportunity to plop the hat on his head.

"Oh my god, that is so sexy!" You declare in high dramatics.

He grabs your hands and leans in very close to explain. "You need this hat for our trip." Your eyes narrow in suspicion. "You will wear it for our safari quest…" he pauses for dramatic effect and your lips twitch in suppressed amusement. He leans closer yet and captures your stare. His face is hilarious, you can tell he is biting his cheek to keep from laughing. His eyebrows are drawn down in concentration but his eyes are widened in mock excitement. He sucks in a deep breath to exclaim, "To locate palm trees in the wild!"

He laughs as he puts the hat back on you.

You blink a few times in shock. Palm trees? You're going somewhere with palm trees? A tropical locale. Palm trees. Beaches. SWIMSUITS. Your sudden panic must show on your face because Diego's laughter dies off.

You blink furiously, but its too little too late. The tears burn as they well up in your eyes and spill down over your cheeks.

He reaches out to cup your face. "Princess?" His tone is an even mix of concern and fear. "Bicki? What?"

You shake your head 'no' and throw yourself into him. Diego catches you and hauls you into his lap. You curl up against his chest and sob quietly. He pets over your hair, open handed strokes so his fingers don't tangle in the curls, and soothes your back while you shake. Rubbing his nose against your temple, he kisses your cheek and whispers, "Do you want to write?" His gentle care only makes you worse. "...so that is no." He looks crestfallen. He buries his face in your hair and breathes heavily.

Your tears are slowing and your chest is finally beginning to loosen. "Dieg-" you hiccup, wrapping both hands around his forearm. You wheeze a few times before trying again. "I. I. Where? Where are we g-going?"

He sighs deeply before answering. "Nowhere. I won't take you somewhere you don't want to go. I should have known better. I-" He snaps his jaw shut so fast that his teeth click together.

Tilting your head back, you try to catch his eyes. Diego won't look at you. "H-hey, please." You cup his jaw and pull him down to you. He comes, but the motions are stilted. "Look. Please, baby. Let me s-see you."

When he finally meets your eyes it breaks your heart. That chocolate gaze is disappointed, hurt, frustrated even. You wiggle around until you're straddling his lap. He just holds his hands out of the way, not hindering you but certainly not helping either. Standing up on your knees to lean your forehead against his, you reach for his hands and bring them to your chest where you lace your fingers together.

"Baby. I want that." Your nose rubs against his as you speak. "I want to go everywhere with you. I never thought I would ever get a chance like this. To travel? To go somewhere tropical? To have someone who loves me enough to do this for me?" You're crying again. And so is Diego? A little??

He brings your joined hands up to tap your chin. His face is adorably conflicted when he speaks, "You… want to go?" You nod slowly. His eyebrows lower as he tries to make sense of this. "Then why do you cry? Are they, the uh, is that 'happy tears' ?"

Your hands shake in his. "Yeah. Happy tears. I just. I was overwhelmed. I'm sorry." He huffs out a sigh. You continue, "Its almost like the super intense emotions short circuit my responses and I guess my default is panic crying? I don't know."

Diego huffs at you again. "Please stop that. I'm going to have a heart attack." There is a hint of real annoyance in his voice but his lips curl up at the corners.

You free your right hand to reach up and brush his wet lashes. Why did something this little bring him to tears? "Baby, is everything okay?"

He leans into your hand, then turns to kiss your fingers. You giggle, you can't help it, his beard both tickles and delights you. He smirks at you, "It is now, Princess. You should get dressed so we can go."

But you're not done here yet. "Where are we going on the trip? A place name, not foliage that may or may not be present."

His Cheshire cat grin is intriguing and mildly worrisome. He gives you one word, "Xcalak." And then watches while you access your mental map and pinpoint the exact location.

It takes you a moment but you find it with a gasp. "Costa Maya? Like Caribbean-sea side of Mexico??" He nods and you immediately start in with 20 Questions. "Are there cenotes? Is the water really those unreal colors? Is the food amazing there? Can we see ruins?"

Diego cups your face to stop you. "Whatever you like, little girl." With a kiss to your nose and a smack to your ass he ushers you upstairs to get dressed.

-----------------------

The shopping is less traumatic than normal for you thanks to Diego making enthusiastic innuendo nonstop and feeding you between stores. You find sandals, and flip flops, and little slip-on sneakers. All kinds of flowy maxidresses and flouncy skirts paired with new tank tops in buttery soft fabrics. Cover-ups and kimonos and huge airy loose knit sweaters get rung up with linen pants and shorts you actually feel comfortable wearing.

But swimsuits? A disaster. Everything that fits your hips is way too big for your ribcage. Tankinis big enough to go around your middle are about a foot too wide around your chest. You try some maternity stuff… amazingly there isn't any chest support. That confuses both of you for almost 20 minutes while you discuss it over croissants and various iced beverages (coffee for him and some kind of hot chocolate slushie for you).

Then you look across the street and inspiration hits. One of the stores you order bras from is right there and has bra-sized swimwear in the display window. Diego turns to see what stole your undivided attention from him and slaps his hand down on the table in celebration.

You aren't sure which one of you is more excited to get into the store. But while you run around exclaiming at all the things that come in your size Diego stands in the doorway and gawks. When you circle back to check on him he just points to one display wall.

There is lacy, frilly, corseted lingerie. In. Your. Size.

He demands one of everything that fits you and isn't red, brown, or yellow. You don't even argue.

The store does alterations and makes very good recommendations. The sales clerk is impressed with Diego's input, she comments that he really does seem to know your body well. You flush with it, glad that he isn't close enough to hear that. You leave with three bags and seven personalized swim outfits under construction. One is ready to wear and you keep reaching into the bag to touch it in wonder.

Diego notices but just gives you a raised eyebrow.

"This is the first time I've ever felt good about how I look in swimwear." You confess quietly.

Diego wraps a massive arm around your shoulders and tucks you into his side while you continue down the sidewalk.

--------------------

Sunday is a mess as you try to make pancakes and Diego tries to remain physically attached to you like an excessively attractive barnacle. The pancakes are either burnt or still batter in the middle. Leftover carnitas and tortillas to the rescue. Diego teases you about the kitchen failure all day because this is the first time he has witnessed such a thing.

You doze on the couch under the pretense of "reading". Diego rotates through his laptop, cell, and the soccer match on ESPN+.

Until his phone rings.

You both tense up. Only one person calls him instead of texting. He takes the phone into the office to answer his sister. You wait on the couch to see which Diego you get back: silly tickle fight Diego, sad puppy dog eyes Diego that requires cuddles, or angry Diego that needs to fuck you through the nearest horizontal surface.

The elevator dings and Julio comes in with a tray of coffees. "Ay, Gordita. Buenas tardes. I got you the hibiscus thing you like." He greets you with a big smile, then looks around when he doesn't see Diego on the sectional with you.

Hopping up to help him carry stuff, you point to the office in indication of Diego's location. Julio makes a face, "Hermana perra?" and you simply nod. Julio takes Diego's iced coffee and bites the bullet for you. The door closes softly behind him.

You munch plantain chips and slurp hibiscus lemonade until they come out. Diego just looks tired when he comes back to you on the couch, coffee in hand. You open your arms in invitation and he plops next to you with a sigh. Cuddly Diego it is.

He doesn't tell you anything and you don't ask. Everyone watches the match mindlessly. Diego snores softly in your lap while you pet his hair.

He rides to the airport with you but you forbid him from coming onto the plane with you. He is already making this harder than it has to be with his big brown eyes and clingy hands.

"Baby." You breathe into his hair while he snuggles into your neck in the backseat of the SUV. "Its only a week. We do this every week." You pet down his bicep and immediately regret it.

"I know." Diego huffs into your skin. "Why don't you just quit? Let me take care of everything." You go through this almost every week now, too. He nuzzles you, the sensation makes you reconsider his proposal. You pull his head up by a fistful of soft hair and look him in the eye. He blinks guilelessly at you.

"Number one: No. Number two: Stoppit." He laughs at your fond exasperation. "Okay. I'm gonna go. You stay on the ground."

"Fine." He whines. "But I am going to send you a dick pic the moment that plane takes off." He crosses his arms as if daring you to tell him no.

You cup his stupidly attractive face in your hands for a kiss. Okay, several kisses and 27 minutes later, you respond, "Send me one every day. Its my favorite dick." His startled laugh makes you feel very pleased with yourself.

He pulls you into his arms again to kiss you one last time. His beard scratches and you sigh into him. Finally that tongue retreats and he rests his forehead on yours. His voice is low and rough, his hands squeeze tight on your hip and thigh, "I love you, Princess."

Will that ever stop hurting? You close your eyes against the burn of tears but smile with happiness. "I love you, Diego." You pop the door handle before you open your eyes to see him watching you, jaw tense. You stick your tongue out and he breaks into a smirk. With a laugh, you slide out of SUV and walk to the plane, determined not to look back.

When you get up the stairs the pilot greets you, but his gaze shifts behind you. Turning around, you see Diego standing outside the SUV, arms crossed and trying to look so not soft. You smile and mouth Bye baby, he gives you a short little wave. You duck into the plane before you can start crying.

The wheels are not, in fact, off the ground when the phone chirps.

‐-----------------------

The trip is a few weeks out and there is some kind of emergency at the San Diego docks the next weekend. So. You don't get your Murder Panther fix.

And your coworkers notice. They spend all day Monday strolling past your cubicle, straining their necks to see if you're wearing new shoes or some fresh bling. Finally someone has the nerve to ask how your weekend was.

You find yourself blinking back tears. I miss him so much. This is ridiculous, he just texted you at like six this morning. But its not just the conversation you miss, now is it? You miss that big body crowding you into the corner of the couch. His soft curls under your hands. That beard on literally any inch of your skin. Draping yourself over shoulders wider than your hips and knowing that not only can he take your weight, he likes it.

He says he wants to keep you and you desperately want to keep him. Why do you fear this? Is it just his profession? The risk? Oh god, how do you even go about introducing him to your parents??? Diego can be all kinds of charming but he can be a real asshole, too.

And they know what he is: A criminal. For your boomer parents he is the living embodiment of Public Enemy Number One.

Grand Theft.

Money Laundering.

Arson.

Murder.

International Cocaine Trafficking.

HE IS A LITERAL DRUG LORD.

You lay your head down on your desk and try to keep it together.

Your Diego Cell chirps.

Your laughter bubbles up until it comes out of you without your consent. It turns hysterical and you realize you need to leave the office suite. Now.

In the bathroom you stare down at the phone as it lights up again with another message.

Miss my Princess💔👑

How? How is someone who can do all those illegal things so nauseatingly sweet to me?

And then it hits you. Illegal. You didn't use the word immoral. Illegal. You think back to how everyone you see working directly for him is well into adulthood. No children. There are a few women but they are not being sold by him, they are there by their own free will. And he has never laid a hand on any of them, they're just as comfortable around him as the men are. No sex trafficking. You saw someone give their resignation last month. The dude walked away with a suitcase of cash for a decade of trustworthy service. Its a better retirement plan than what I have.

Have you seen him assault people? Yes. You've seen him stab people. Carve off someone's ear because they weren't listening as assigned and it cost the Jimenez Cartel a shipment. You've seen him push an informant down an empty elevator shaft. Choke a man into unconsciousness with his bare hands when you were disrespected.

And you still love him. Not a single one of those incidents weighs on your conscience. Your morality is a dingy grey 12 year old men's undershirt that you should just throw away but you're definitely going to cut into rags to keep for cleaning when it comes to Diego.

The cell lights up again.

Mi amor 💞😍🍑🏝✈⏲👙

You don't know what's worse: His excessive and ridiculous usage of emojis or the fact that you understood.

Look what came

The attached pic is a few pieces of your new swimwear. They look gorgeous, you can't even tell where the alterations were done.

You have to try on all of them. And show me

Of course he wants his own personal show. You feel desire burning low in your belly. Its been a year and not once has he ever shied away from your stomach rolls or hinted at weight loss. He never questions the food you order. And while the two of you have chuckled about shapewear he has never mocked you for using it. Or seemed disappointed when you opted not to wear it. He tosses you around like its nothing and prefers for you to sleep on top of him. Its not that he loves you despite your weight, he loves it as part of you.

-------------------------

Its now Thursday and the desk drawer where you keep your purse at work is vibrating. He knows I'm at work. If he calls right back I'll answer him. You try to keep your Diego Cell out of sight at work or you'll never get anything done. Plus your coworkers are always dying to catch a peek of your infamous sugar daddy/boyfriend.

Yeah. Boyfriend. Keep practicing that. It feels good.

You finish the insurance call and hang up your headset when the vibrating starts again. Your next door cubicle neighbor pops around the divider to advise you to answer that before he comes down here and abducts you.

What deity should I pray to for that??

You snatch Diego Cell and march out to the hall. Poking the green button, you answer the call.

"Baby. You okay?"

"Princess! I… yeah. I'm not hurt."

He sounds odd. There is definitely something going on here.

"What's up? You need me?"

The silence stretches.

"Yes. Please?"

Diego sounds very uncomfortable. It causes you physical pain.

"Well, you have me. What is it?"

You can hear him swallow and in your mind you picture him looking away, hiding some soft emotion shining in his eyes.

"Baby?"

"Here. I am here. I just. I just wanted to hear you."

Something is very wrong with my Murder Panther, you think.

"Babe," your voice is soft, you're trying to ease him. "Can you tell me what's wrong?"

He huffs and you can hear him scrape a hand down over his face. "I know you are at work. And I should not have called. But."

His voice trembles, even over the phone you can hear it. He's afraid.

"Diego. If you need me, then you have me. Tell me, baby." You try to be reassuring but you also really need to know what is wrong.

"I would like to come down there." His declaration is overly formal. You wonder who he is trying to impress. Its certainly not me.

"You… want to come down here instead of me going up there this weekend?" You're trying to make sense out of any part of this conversation.

"I…. grrrrrrrrr." He growls in frustration. Between English being his second language and your sensory processing issues, this is not an uncommon occurrence. He sucks in a deep breath and charges forward in an emotional rush. "I know you're working, but I want to come down there because I miss seeing your face." Before you have a chance to answer he adds, "Pick me up? At the airport, after work? Please, Bicki." His voice cracks at the end and his inhalation is ragged. Your heart implodes.

"Diego. Baby. Of course. Of course I will. I can be there by six." You have a mental flash of how dirty your bathroom is, all the clothes you have laying around, and the vacuum you haven't touched in over a month. Diego needing me is more important.

"Good. Good. Yes, I. I will text you. When I land." His voice is raspier than ever, low and gravelly.

"Sure. I'll be there." I'll always be there.

"Okay. You… you should go." You can hear his determination. You can visualize him squaring his shoulders and setting his jaw, taking on the Jimenez Cartel persona.

"Hey." He grunts in acknowledgement. "I love you." You blurt it out before you have a chance to talk yourself round in circles. You can hear voices in the background.

"And you. You as well." The call ends, but you know.

---------------

You're sitting in your car at the little regional airport second guessing the coffee you got when the phone chirps.

Here

Springing out of the car, you wave to the security guard as you trot past. "Hey Jim, I just have to grab someone real quick. That's okay, right?" You wave vaguely back toward your car parked in the fire lane. There are only four security guards who work here and they all know you at this point.

Jim laughs but waves you on. "Go get 'im, sweetie." Jim must be pushing 90 by now, he doesn't care about traffic laws.

You enter one of the two sets of automatic doors on this entire building and cross through the tiny lobby. There. You can see his dark hair and ridiculous shoulders over a completely unnecessary row of potted plants. He must hear your echoing footsteps because his head whips around in alarm, but his face relaxes into a wide smile. He lengthens his strides to come around the stupid plants, hands automatically reaching out for you.

"Diego." You laugh breathily and fling arms around his neck. He smells so good.

He crushes you to his chest and buries his face in your neck. "Printhesss." He murmurs into you, slurred because he refuses to remove his mouth from your skin.

Turning your head to kiss his cheek, you moan shamelessly for him. He surges back upward to capture your lips and kiss you with mild desperation. That devious tongue sweeps over the roof of your mouth before curling up behind your top front teeth.

Your entire world narrows down to Diego. Chocolate. Tastes like the smoothest Belgian chocolate in existence. He smells perfect, clean but definitively male to you. His silky button-down is smooth under your hands, stretched taut over muscle. Those massive hands gather you closer, molding you to that big, solid body. His beard scratches your face in soft tickles when he alters the angle of the kiss just so.

"Goddamn." A woman's voice exclaiming somewhere behind you catapults you back into the here and now. Which is a dinky little regional airport in rural central Pennsylvania. You know, a very public location in a very prudish area of the country. Fuck.

You pull back and Diego's hands shoot up to the back of your head. Holding you in place, he leans his forehead against yours with a contented sigh. He rumbles softly to you, "Take me home."

You feel so silly seeing Diego in the passenger seat of your Corolla, he just seems so out of place. "You can adjust the seat however, nobody really sits there. I just put it all the way back to make sure you can get in without cracking your head." You sound nervous even to your own ears.

Diego turns to you with a response but his attention is captured by the cup holders in the center console, specifically the Dunkin Donuts styrofoam cup. He points to it, then looks up at you with a slow grin. "Princess. Is this for me?"

You flush but can't stop the embarrassed little smile so you cover it with sass, "Well, it sure as hell ain't for me." You start the car and give Jim a little wave. He winks and gives you two thumbs up. Yeah, I'm aware that you saw that kiss too, old man. Everyone saw that shit.

When Diego reaches for the coffee his fingers brush your hip. The contact burns and you suddenly remember that you have not touched this beautiful man for well over two weeks. Apparently he remembers, too, because he wraps that huge hand around your thigh with rather a lot of force. Right hand slapping down to cover his, your heart rate jumps through the roof. Did I take my blood pressure pill this morning?

"Don't." You choke out.

He rumbles softly next to you, purring with conceited pleasure. "Did my Princess miss Diego?" He asks you with an incredibly pornographic voice.

"Oh, fuck you." Your answering groan is also obscene. So glad the windows are up.

His hoarse chuckle makes your thighs tremble. "You're Diego's good little girl, you will." He's right and you both know it. You would ride him right here in your own damn car if he demanded it. You have a problem.

He lets you redirect his hand to the coffee with only a little resistance. "Focus." You hiss.

"Me or you?" Diego quips.

"Yes." You declare.

Diego's guffaw is contagious and you don't even try to hold back.

Your apartment always seems like an adequate size until Diego is inside. No, bad Bicki. Do not say it like that. His presence just sort of… lounges about in a vaguely threatening but highly attractive manner. Much like the actual man on your couch. You tried to pick up dinner on the way but he just wanted to 'go home'. You are disgustingly happy that your place feels like home to him.

Diego had flopped on your couch immediately and hasn't moved since. Something is very definitely very wrong. There were bursts of your Murder Panther in the car, but he has been just subdued overall. He had turned your stereo up and smiled faintly, watching you sing along. He had also complained that the stereo in your car sucked (Agreed) and this was unacceptable. You're sure he'll do something ridiculously extravagant to remedy this.

You try to give him the remote, he takes it but doesn't do anything with it. You offer him food, both junk and something home-cooked, all you get is a shrug. You putter around for a while, picking things up and sighing before putting them down somewhere else. His dark eyes watch you, unfathomable.

Finally you disappear to the bedroom only to return in your pajamas. This he likes, perking up and blinking rapidly. "Okay, I know you brought something softer than those jeans, so get comfy so I can order shitty pizza and cuddle you."

His jaw drops in momentary shock. Then he scoffs, "I do not cu--"

You cut him off, "Yes, you do and yes, you're going to. Up. Now." This has to be hilarious. This short little woman in overly long pants barking orders at the massive man who heads an international drug cartel. Well, its either hilarious or fatal. I'm about to find out.

Diego looks around, as if someone else might secretly be here to witness him be a little bit submissive and moderately soft. He raises his chin in a tiny show of defiance. "Fine. But I am showering first." He glares with this proclamation, daring you to contradict him.

You throw your hands up in the air. Why the fuck would I have a problem with that?? His eyes follow your hands, like a cat when you try to point out a bit of food but all it does is rub your finger. You sigh, resigned to your fate. "Of course that's fine, Diego. You know where everything is, have at it."

You watch his butt as he walks away to the bathroom.

The pizza actually isn't shitty and Diego eats half of it by himself. When you offer him the cinnamon dessert sticks he shoots you a calculating look. You split the contents, pulling two sticks over to yourself and piling up the rest in front of him. His delighted grin is decidedly not calculated and you lose track of time watching him enjoy dessert.

He's beautiful like this. He wears a soft, silky t-shirt that is tight enough to help you get through the nights you spend alone. His hair is a riot of fluffy curls, free of product and clearly trying to break free of gravity, too. He hasn't shaved for at least a few days and that salt and pepper beard is filling in nicely. His face is unguarded, expression open, those laugh lines and dimples you love make frequent appearances.

After dinner you lay all over each other in some weird we-have-intimacy-issues approximation of cuddling. It works so you don't question it. He has his laptop and you have your tablet and together you have sporadic conversation. Its comfortable.

Until Diego asks you a seemingly innocuous question that you know is very nefarious:

"What color do you like in cars?"

Your eyes narrow so much that you have trouble seeing. "...Why." Your low tone might be frightening to anyone else.

He looks at you over the laptop screen, brown eyes innocently wide. "Just curious. Your car is green. Do you like any other colors?" He slowly pulls the laptop closer to himself to subtly cover the screen with his bulk.

"Diego." You slowly put down your tablet and start leaning toward him. He has nowhere to go, propped up in the corner of the chaise end of the sofa. "What. Are. You. Doing."

"Will you let me take care of you? Just in this one way right now?" He licks his lips, brow furrowed in concentration. Building desperation shows in his eyes and you can't fight that. You don't want to win this.

"Let me see, baby." Your sighed acquiescence has an instantaneous effect. Diego drops the tension from his shoulders and opens an arm to you in invitation. You crawl up him to cuddle into his chest, wedged on your side between all those muscles and the back of the sectional. From here you are stationed directly in front of the laptop screen.

He is looking at cars.

Armored cars.

Armored, bulletproof, explosive resistant cars.

What. The. Fuck.

"Diego, what the fuck is going on?!?" Your apprehensive demand sets him right back on edge. You can feel him go tense underneath you. The laptop gets shoved onto an empty cushion as you throw yourself over him. Tiny hands land on those broad shoulders with extreme force as you use all of your deadweight to trap him. Below you, Diego shakes but you can't tell if its from anger or anxiety because his eyes are scrunched closed tightly. "Tell me why I need a fucking bulletproof car!"

He surges up into your face to match your volume, "She knows! Mi hermana perra knows about you! Alicia found out about us!" You lurch back in shock, but the steel hands on your hips stop you from retreating. His voice is hoarse, louder than you've ever heard him, and its terrifying. Your fear must show because he releases his grip on you like it burns.

"WHAT?" The ramifications here could truly be lethal. Alicia has already tried to set Diego up to take the fall when they were arrested almost four months ago. You know she has scorned Diego's familiarity with his men in the past, that is why he handpicks them personally. To Alicia, everyone is disposable, even her own brother. Her only loyalty is to herself.

Diego's hands come up in an aborted reach for you. You're still too shocked to move. His face crumbles in agony and he blinks furiously, hands balling into fists. "Everything I have ever wanted she has ensured I never got. She, she manipulates me into destroying everything I touch. I will not let her hurt you! I refuse to allow her to break us, mi amor!!" His volume has steadily escalated until he is yelling.

He's afraid. He is afraid that he will lose me. The realization emboldens you enough to take his hands in your own, bring them to your chest, and press them close to your heart. You trust that he won't hurt you in his rage. You don't fear him, this dangerous, powerful, ruthless man that you love.

His hands open to slide up your shoulders, curl around your neck, and his thumbs glide over the pulse point under your ears. He brings your face to his own, his expression twisted up with fear and anger and possession and love.

"You are mine! And I will keep you!"

You realize everything that you have been debating with yourself, all of your pro versus con lists, your stupid little dry erase board covered in sticky notes with your fears, your scribbled timeline of events and possible future predictions, none of it matters. All you care about is the man in your arms. Diego is the most important thing in your life and you can't imagine a life without him. If you had to give up everything to keep him, you would do it in a heartbeat.

Your hands grip tightly around his wrists and you consciously straighten your spine. Expression hardening, your eyes open to meet his anguished gaze.

"I want black."

The armored 2020 Camry is delivered that Sunday. You thank him for finding something inconspicuous with an upgraded JBL sound system and he compliments your understated color choice of Black Sand Metallic. By the time you drop him off at the airport that evening you've managed to replace the new car smell with something better and you're thankful that the leather seats just wipe clean. Monday morning in the parking lot at work, however, is a literal ordeal.

---------------------

The next two weeks feel like they’re seven months long. You clock out at noon on Thursday to a chorus of your coworkers making vaguely lewd remarks and howling with laughter about your vacation. 'Two whole weeks on a beach in Mexico with an absolutely loaded hottie' is what they've been repeating gleefully all week.

You turn around and walk backwards to give them finger guns, "Yes," then you reach down to adjust your pants, "And YES." Their squeals are contagious and you're still laughing when you burst out the front doors to drive home.

You turn the volume waaaay too high in the car so that your teeth vibrate and it feels like you're having heart palpitations. I love this fucking car and I love that man.

There is a rental Tahoe parked in the grass next to the huge gravel driveway at your farmhouse, but he left the second assigned parking space next to your Corolla open so you can park The Beast (as you have affectionately named your new ride) appropriately while away. When you get out of the car you glance up instinctively, Diego is standing outside your front door on the small third floor balcony laughing.

"Are you deaf yet, Princess?" He hollers down in amusement.

You flip him off with the middle finger that wears the gemstone ring he gave you while yelling back, "WHAAAAT??"

His laughter fades as he disappears inside, leaving the door wide open to let out all the cold air. Were you raised in a barn?? Close the door, the electric bill-- You cut off your own thoughts when you suddenly remember that you haven't been paying that electric bill for the last six months. Nevermind.

Before you can start up the stairs, Sara, your first floor neighbor, appears on the porch with their toddler. "Hey stranger!" Sara waves with a big smile and the kid does the same but with some kind of unidentifiable kitchen utensil in hand. "That is your boyfriend, right? He had a key so I didn't think it was your ex but I wanted to make sure. I mean, from what I just saw it is your boyfriend. Also, holy shit, that's your boyfriend?"

If she says the word 'boyfriend' one more time I'm going to spontaneously combust.

"Uh yeah, definitely not my ex. Sorry, I forget that you guys haven't really seen him before, I meant to tell you he was coming." You can feel your face burning and it isn't from the August sun. Sara fans her own face with a hand while mouthing 'he's hot' like you're somehow unaware. You forge on before she can start gushing aloud. "We're actually leaving on a trip tonight so I'll be gone for the next two weeks."

Now Sara drops the kid and scrambles over to whisper fiercely to you, "Oh my god, seriously? Where are you going? Wait, this is the same guy you've been going to see in New York, right? How long has it been, like a year? Is he taking you on a trip for your anniversary? I don't even know his name. Oh my god, that is so sweet!"

Okay, down girl. You're not sure who you're trying to will into being chill, Sara or yourself.

"Um, we're going to Mexico. And yeah, he's the guy in New York. It's just a vacation." You don't even touch the relationship questions with a ten foot pole. You glance up but Diego is still inside, Thank fuck.

Sara hops a little in excitement. "I'm sooo jealous!" She squeals. "You have to take a ton of pictures! I need to see! Oh my god, I bet you guys are such a cute couple!" You nod and start backing away, trying to wave goodbye so you can climb the stairs and then climb Diego. "Ooh ooh, wait, what's his name?" Sara hisses conspiratorially. "Does he speak Mexican? Is he Mexican!?!"

You suddenly remember why you tried to move away from this area. Repeatedly. "Yeah, he's Mexican and yes, he speaks Spanish." You sigh. Sara nods but continues staring at you expectantly. Fine. "His name is Diego."

Sara makes a stupid face like this is a rom-com movie. I cannot take anymore, you must shut the fuck up. "Okay, okay. I won't hold you up. But seriously, we can have a 'pics and wine' girls' night when you come back!" She waves maniacally before snatching up the kid and skipping back inside.

I can't think of anything I would like less. Oh hell no.

You climb the stairs in record time before she can come back outside and start talking again.

Bastian, Julio, and a third man you don't know are in your living room. You do not care and your vague wave shows it. You can hear Julio's warm 'Gordita!' greeting as you spin around and march to the bedroom.

Diego is standing at your bed, tucking TMP into your small duffel, when you burst through the doorway and continue at full speed directly into him. He laughs breathlessly but holds steady against your weight. "Princess. Are you ready?"

You take overflowing fistfuls of his shirt, bury your face in his chest, suck in a huge lungful of air, and shriek at full volume.

"Uhhh...that is a yes, si?" He mutters uncertainly above you.

You rear back to look up at him with a smile so wide it hurts.

"Oh good." His hands come to your shoulders while those beautiful brown eyes sparkle. The dimples and laugh lines come out as he absorbs your infectious excitement. Your hands shoot up to his hair to yank him down so you can crash your mouths together with bruising force.

The effect is immediate. He moans loudly and crushes you against him. You dig nails into his neck and you lick your way into his mouth, his hands snake down to your ass to hold tight. Your left leg comes up as you try to wrap it around his hips. With a pained groan he rips those lips off of yours and pulls back. Undeterred, you move on to assaulting his now bared throat, moaning like porn come to life.

"Princess," he gasps, "You have to sto-- uhhh, yes, bonita. Your fucking tongue." You're too busy licking his adam's apple to pay attention to words right now. "Nooo, mi amor, please, lo siento, stopstopstop." You get in one last nip of his collarbone as he pulls your head back via a handful of ringlets. His pupils are blown wide and he's panting hard. You stare longingly at his delectable mouth while making pitiful whines.

"Please, baby, pleeeease. You're all I've thought about for days. I need you!" You try shameless begging, you're certainly not lying. Petting over his shoulders and down that solidly muscled chest, you shudder and try to pull yourself back to him.

He closes his eyes with a grimace. "Flight! Fuck you on the flight!" He croaks, then yanks your hair harder than you like. The pain clears the fog just enough for you to blink back to awareness. You nod jerkily and step back. "Have to leave now to get there before dark." He explains in a rushed huff. You blink as you remember how time works.

"Right. Yeah, right. Okay. Okay." Straightening to attention you yank off the cardigan you wore for the air conditioning at work, leaving you in a tank top and ready to be productive. Focus on not-dick.

Diego shoves your favorite notepad in your face so you can see your packing list and not him. The distraction works. He has checked off every item in each categorized list but left the strike through action for your completion. You lower the notepad until you can make eye contact with him and intensely whisper, "You know I fuckin' love you, right?"

He laughs so hard he has to sit down on the bed.

You go through every bag, touching each item and crossing it off your list one at a time. He did it. Everything but you.

"You know I don't need TMP, right?"

"Why?" He squints up at you from where he lounges across your bed.

Your face heats up and you clear your throat. "Well, its, I'm. I have, uh, you. So I don't need anything else." The realization of how true that is in every sense gives both of you pause.

Diego surges upright to cup your face and bonk your foreheads together just a little too hard. You giggle and he huffs.

"Mi amor…" he sighs for you, eyes closing in pleasure. You 'mmmmm' in response. Then his eyes snap open and he growls an order, "Get changed so we can go!" And punctuates it with a stinging slap to your ass.

----------------------------

You spend the flight with your face pressed to the window, vibrating in excitement, except for a brief intermission of seven orgasms in the bathroom.

The unknown third man is Joey, Bastian's boyfriend. Joey is even quieter than Bastian and just as cute. They're not overly demonstrative but clearly comfortable moving around each other. Joey works in "Packaging" and does an admirable job of ignoring his cartel drug lord boss being snuggly. Julio naps.

The customs agent at the Cancun airport looks you up and down with wide eyes but stamps your passport with no questions. Its a five hour drive to Xcalak but Diego is adamant it can be done in three. You give him an eyebrow question which he dismisses with a vague wave, "They paved the road all the way to the southern border last year."

Uhh, they what now? You understand soon enough. The drive drastically changes outside of Cancun. The scenery is both beautiful and heartbreaking. There are occasional mansions with armed guards, high fences, and SUVs like your own current ride. Mostly though, its shacks and people on foot or riding bicycles, weaving to avoid stray dogs and huge iguanas. Could I handle this as my daily reality?

The first time the road sidles right up to the ocean you have a small meltdown.

"Is that what I think it is?" Your soft whisper is accompanied by a shaking hand pointing to the left. Diego, crammed into the middle of the backseat between yourself and Julio so you could have an unobstructed view, indicates an order for Bastian to pull over. He reaches across you and pops open your door. You slide out with his hand on your lower back and take about a dozen steps to the lapping water. Diego appears to your right, watching you intently.

"Its gre-e-e-en!" Your stuttering squeal is accompanied by happy tears and you fling yourself into Diego with joy. He laughs at you, but hugs you back just as tightly.

----------------------------

The first week passes in a blur of amazing food, warm green sea, fruity drinks, and shirtless wet Diego. And so many orgasms that you can't keep count. Diego is all over you non-stop, more than he ever has been before (Astonishingly). Its incredible and you feel like the only person in the world. If he's not molesting you then he is at least touching you; keeping you in his lap, holding your hand, cuddling and petting and snuggling like a man obsessed.

You love it. You love him. You love this life.

On Saturday he lets you lead him through the tiny town, your Spanish improving by leaps and bounds as you try to navigate the streets and alleys and shops. The four years of high school Spanish actually prove useful as you manage to complete a purchase all by yourself. Your playful mock smugness evaporates under the blazing desire in his eyes.

He drags you back to the casita in a much shorter and more direct route than you took upon earlier departure. You're marched directly to the bed and he puts one massive hand in the middle of your chest to gently push you down onto your back. There is something different about this, something important in his eyes. Your voice is high and soft, "Diego?"

He climbs up between your legs and leans down to kiss you senseless. It goes on forever; soft lips, scratchy beard, silky tongue, and nothing but the taste of Diego. Your moans and sighs are mixed together, there are moments when you can't tell who is making what noise. His hands are shaking as he strokes every inch of newly bared and sunburnt sensitive skin while undressing you.

It takes repeated attempts, but you finally get him naked, too. The sight never fails to take your breath away. All that soft, and now freshly tanned, skin is like velvet to your touch. You're mesmerized by his muscles flexing and then evening out as he moves above you. He finally gets your linen pants untangled off your left foot and flings them across the room with unnecessary force. Your soft peals of laughter light up his face and it brings tears to your eyes. You reach a hand out to him, "Diego. Baby."

He comes up over you, threading fingers into your hair, kissing you slowly and thoroughly. You can feel him against you, fire hot and mouth wateringly hard, but he makes no move to take you. Your eyes open in hazy confusion as the kiss ends. Diego is watching your face, blinking back tears.

He is holding your head still, hands like steel. Whatever this is, he needs it. And you want to give him everything he needs. Forever.

You're captured by his eyes, bottomless, soulful, and hungry. His raspy voice is soft and trembling with desire. "I love you, Bicki. I want everything. Forever, Princess?"

Your chest compresses and your heart implodes. Scalding tears escape when you blink and you're nodding before you even know it. "Yes, Diego. Yes, baby, I'm yours."

Your back arches off the bed as he comes home and brings you with him.

-----------------------

You wake up crushed under Diego. The sun is still up so you might be able to talk him into going out for dinner. You rub your cheek on the huge bicep doubling as your pillow and Diego sighs directly into your ear from where he is spooned up behind you. Oh yeah, we should have done this waaaay sooner.

He nuzzles your neck just to incite squirmy giggles and you don't even fight it. "I have something for you, Princess. Stay here." He pulls away and you whine about the loss of your pillow. His low chuckle burns you alive with want. "Stay like that. Do not move." You obey while you listen to him rummage around behind you.

He comes around to your side of the bed, still completely and unabashedly nude. Hell. Fucking. Yes. You love it. He hands your glasses over and you slide them on to take in the now high definition view of naked Murder Panther. The view disappears as he kneels down next to the bed so you're on eye level. His expression is very peculiar.

His hands slowly come up to reveal a small box of black velvet. Time slows to a halt as he opens the box and presents it to you.

Inside is a ring. Gleaming in platinum and sparkling with three tastefully large princess cut diamonds.

Its an engagement ring.

Diego is proposing.

He swallows hard and rumbles gruffly, "Now remember, you already said y--"

You cut him off with a shriek. "YES! YESYESYES!!"

In the time it takes him to blink twice with surprise you're on him. Arms around his neck, you throw yourself into his lap. He topples backwards and you ride him to the floor, already bawling hysterically.

He stares up at you in shock as you nod furiously and cry all over him. "Princess. You… you are certain?" If this were any other time you would be howling with laughter at his huge eyes and lax jaw.

Your answer is stuttery but determined. "Y-y-yeah. Put it-t-t-t on me already!"

He laughs in delight at your order and the imperious presentation of your shaking left hand. The ring glides on easily, a perfect fit. It gleams up at you blindingly. After a moment of admiration you lace your fingers with his and sigh at the union. His other hand comes up to roughly brush away your tears. "I know you do not like labels so much… but, you will be my, my married... Person. Thing?"

You stroke his bearded cheek in return, thumb lingering on that dimple. With a hard gulp you dive in head first. Fuck it.

"Yes, Diego. I will be your wife."

----------------------

The next time you wake it is dark out. You reach for a phone on the nightstand to your left and jump when you find one with a loud crack. Diego pops upright behind you, instantly on high alert. "Princess?" He hisses while covering your body with his own.

You gigglesnort, then meekly answer him, "I forgot about the ring and whacked a phone. Everything's okay, baby."

He sighs so deeply that his breath ruffles your hair. "Jesus fucking christ, woman. You are a menace." He flops down on top of you and snuggles back into your warmth.

You reach back with your left hand and grope blindly for his face. He licks your fingers as soon as they're in reach and you stuff them into his mouth as retaliation. He just sucks languidly.

"Mmmmmm, I'm your menace, baby. And I have to pee." He nips your fingers but rolls over to free you. You slide out of the bed and stretch your arms high while arching your back. Diego groans painfully. "What?"

Diego rises to all fours on the bed while the sheet slithers off of him. "You forget that other people can see without glasses, huh?" You cock your head and realize that you have a shadow.

It's a full moon. And I just stretched naked in front of a sliding glass door. "Oh. Huh. I guess I do forget. Oops. I'll be sure to keep that in mind now." Your seemingly tame answer is directly contradicted by the exaggerated roll of your hips that makes your butt bounce when you walk off.

"Fucking menace, woman." Diego growls as you push the bathroom door shut with a trill of laughter.

You never do go back to bed but you do wind up on the beach in front of the casita to watch the sunrise. Julio finds you both snuggled together late the next morning, still asleep on the covered daybed under the palms while the rising tide comes ever closer. At least Julio has the decency to cover your bare ass with a beach towel.

-----------------------------------

By the time you think to check your phone gallery you have… 1,792 pictures. WHAT THE FUCK.

You scroll through the pics, there are a lot you do not remember taking. Was I that drunk or did Diego take some of these? One is a close up of your ass from below wearing a string bikini, I knew I wasn't that drunk. The next pic is Diego asleep on a lounge chair, one arm curled up above his head, muscles glistening in the sun, and swim trunks so low on his hips that it's almost obscene. Immediately following that is the same pic but with your own face photobombing about three inches away from the camera and giving a thumbs up with your left hand so your engagement ring is prominently visible. Oh yeah, I remember that one.

There are videos, too. The first one is Diego making lewd comments while you twerk in the ocean for about ten seconds. Okay, that's par for the course with us. Next is you successfully backflipping off of Diego's shoulders into the green water to everyone freaking out. Shit, even I'm impressed with myself. After that is video of you gagging through a dish of octopus at some restaurant. Both of you are clearly visible in the shot so Julio must have had the phone. Betrayal.

There are tens of dozens of the two of you in various poses and outfits, both disgustingly happy and blatantly in love. There's even a role reversal shot of Diego sprawled across your lap, one enormous arm wrapped around your neck and his knees over your own arm while you grimace and he laughs hysterically. The table to your right is covered in empty bottles and mostly finished drinks. An entire subsection depicts you asleep like you have a stalker. You count no less than 29 of you two trying on increasingly ridiculous hats in random stores.

You can't even keep count of all the close ups of a smoldering Murder Panther. You feel no guilt. Aren't you supposed to be ridiculously attracted to your fiancé??

Fiancé.

You have a fiancé. Your fiancé is Diego. You are engaged to Diego Rafael Jimenez.

I have to explain this ring to everyone. They'll have questions about him. People will want pictures. How do I explain what he does?? Oh my god, there's no closet here. I have to… find somewhere. And I can't I can't. Its-

Your head jerks upright when something touches your hair. Its Diego. Kneeling on the floor in front of you, he has unfurled a sheet over you to block out everything, and he waits there, watching you. Before you realize it your hands are reaching for his shoulders, just the feel of him, warm and solid under your hands, calms you.

Slowly, his right hand comes up to cover your left. "No closet, Princess." His huge fingers grip yours tightly. You nod a little. He just watches you, eyes guarded.

"Ask. Go ahead." You mutter. You can tell from his posture that he is uneasy, apprehensive.

He locks eyes with you and his gaze is intense. He curls all of his fingers around your left ring finger. "Still yes?"

The fear in his eyes breaks your heart. Your voice is shaky but determined, "No. You can't get rid of me. I'm your problem now, baby." His expression would make a meeker woman cower in fear, you laugh weakly.

He settles down on the tile floor in front of you, with the sheet over both of you. Its like four in the afternoon and I am sharing a blanket fort with my cartel boss fiancé while on vacation in Mexico. What even is my life? His elbows are on his knees, chin in hand. He studies you for a minute, you stare right back. He raises one eyebrow and you sigh in capitulation.

"I don't know how to just be happy. I suck at it." You shrug but reach for his face. Diego nuzzles into your hand while you stroke your thumb over his beard.

"Habby isz nawt a berb." He slurs into your palm with a soft kiss.

The epiphany is like a cinder block to the brain.

He's right. I don't have to 'do' anything. I'm happy right now. I've been happy every time I'm with him. And no one had to exert any effort.

People can define themselves. People can define their relationships. Why can't they define their own normal? I can make my own rules. Especially with someone like Diego as my partner.

His one eyebrow slowly rises as he watches your thoughts play out across your face. "You back?" He asks with a hidden smirk, you know its there from the way his eyes crinkle with laugh lines.

"Yup!" Is your decisive answer. Diego licks your palm. "I got better places you can lick, baby." You answer his smirk with a waggling eyebrow.

The rest of the afternoon passes in a blur of play wrestling and inappropriate noises.

-----------------------

You do, in fact, go on a safari. Of sorts. Tours of ruins and jungle and cenotes, lots of side quests because the both of you are easily distracted by pretty colors. You probably added another thousand pictures of various palm trees to your gallery. The hat makes multiple appearances.

Diego has to ship a crate home to New York because he bought you too many souvenirs. You laugh and tease him when he wants to pick out things for your middle sister and niece, until you hear his logic.

"They were nice to me." He murmurs with a little half-shrug, "It was like being in a real family for a little bit." He studies the bins of painted shells on display in the little store with way too much focus.

You spend a moment deliberating before you decide to reach out and touch his elbow.

"Hey," your soft voice brings his gaze your way momentarily before he goes back to ceramic turtle magnets. You take his hand with your own right and rest your left hand on his chest. Diego looks down where your ring glints in the light, then up to your face. "You know you're going to be part of that 'real' family, right?"

Diego's boyish little smile is heartbreakingly adorable.

---------------------------------

The flight home is much shorter than you want it to be and you spend most of it asleep on Diego. At one point you wake up to see Bastian and Joey cuddled up together napping. When you look up from where your head is resting in Diego's lap he is already looking down at you with an unreadable expression.

"What?" You whisper softly. You stifle a yawn and blink repeatedly.

Diego strokes one big hand over your hair and grips your jaw firmly. With a huge toothy grin he answers, "Mine."

"Uh huh. How many times you need me to say yes, baby?" You smirk up at him with an arched brow. He seems to be reveling in hearing you readily admit your commitment to him.

He considers your question carefully while his other hand trails down the front of your body under a blanket. I don't remember having a blanket earlier. Finally, Diego settles on "Every day. At least seven times. Seven is a good number, right Princess?"

Your body jerks as his fingers press between your thighs with steady determination. Your eyes flick over to Bastian and Joey, still out cold. You make a show of wiggling around to get comfortable, and, surprisingly, that involves spreading your legs. "Yessss." You hiss up at him.

Julio reclines his seat and exaggeratedly covers his face with a new hat.

Seven is a very good number.

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Your first day back to work is a circus. You don't think twice about your normal greeting as you enter the office suite. You swipe your badge with your right hand and pop the door, then wave 'hi' to everyone. Like usual. With your left hand.

There is an excessive amount of squealing that makes you second guess going into a female dominated field. The whole day is a wash because you have a steady stream of people passing through your cubicle. You're glad you had the forethought to curate a photo album of appropriate images to show your coworkers despite Diego's repeated attempts to sneak a dick pic in there somewhere. You most definitely included the glistening swim trunks lounge chair picture. Squealing intensifies.

Everyone comments on the hat and you're forced to tell the story of the hat. How you once told Diego that you wanted to see palm trees, 'But like, in the wild.' And Diego had laughed so hard that he fell off the bed only to pop back up wheezing about a 'Palm Tree Safari' until you smacked him in the face with a pillow. Your coworkers think it is just disgustingly adorable that he never let you live that down.

Your coworkers have questions:

When is the wedding?

Where are you having it?

What kind of dress do you want?

What are your colors?

Are you going to do flowers?

What about the cake?

Who is your maid of honor?

How did your family take the news?

What about his family?

Are you going to New York?

Will you take his name?

Oh shit. I forgot about the whole 'wedding' part of this.

#damnit diego #murder panther #rough me up then dick me down #24 fucking 7 hours in this house #zash writes #all the feels #so gross #soft murder panther #melty princess

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