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biffhofosho · 2 years

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Succumbing to Sybaris | Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Word Count: 8.8k

A/N: Good lord, if you’re of a sensitive nature, please note--this is, like, 8,000 words of just depraved, heartsick rage fucking with the vaguest hint of romance.

Saved as “Descent” in the Trashterlist for easy access.

PS - Thanks, everyone, for the lovely asks and comments and DMs on STS. They are very unexpected but very heartwarming. You’re wonderful!

Cvr | Tr | Pr | 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | Ep

Now that she knew about the magical gag order on most of the brothers, Amber was out of all other options, which was how she wound up sitting in front of the office of the only person she knew who would have all the answers Hyungwon refused to give up.

Yoo Kihyun.

It seemed like an impossible task, leveraging a demon like Kihyun for the family secrets, but she knew in her heart if what she offered was compelling enough, he would buckle. She just had to stay clear-headed and unwavering, but damned if that didn’t feel as daunting as Atlas with the weight of the world on his shoulders.

With a sigh, Amber climbed up the long flight of steps toward the Gothic archway that soared over a collection of intercoms. Her finger hovered just over the button that announced “Yoo Kihyun, Esq.” in bold print. She glanced behind her, to the sallow evening streets of downtown Portland, and steeled herself. He probably wasn’t even there, she reasoned.

Just do it.

She pushed the button.

“Hello?”

If anything, she expected the tinny reply of an exhausted secretary, not the lyrical cadence of her quarry himself. Amber’s confidence faltered, but the weight of the names of all the missing in her notepad galvanized her.

“Mr. Yoo, it’s Detective Spiros.”

The buzz at the door was instantaneous, and the detective slipped into the stone entryway without another thought.

Kihyun’s office was on the third floor, but every step up felt like another step down toward Hell. Amber felt each footfall in her soul, heavy but thrilling, until at last she crested the landing and turned the corner. His door was all the way at the end of the hall, overlooking the other glowing honeycombs of office buildings. She knocked and he called her in.

It was late, well into prime vampire dinner time, but there Kihyun sat, leaning back in his leather chair with a law book in one hand and a pen in the other, a real Machiavelli in a dress shirt. The book sagged as he peered at her over it, his dark black eyes framed by thick black glasses.

“Good evening, Detective Spiros,” he said.

There was no use with pretenses at this point, and she closed the door behind her. Kihyun’s eyes darted from it back to her, and the corner of his lips quirked up. Amber approached his desk, resting both hands there, and leaned forward to say, “I want to know who has the missing women, and now I know you’ve bound your brothers from telling me, so that leaves you.”

“It does.”

“I know you know who’s taking them.”

“Certain information may have come to light, yes,” he said evenly.

He didn’t say anything further, and Amber scowled. “Well?”

“And why should I tell you anything?”

“You said you would,” she grumbled.

“I said it would cost you. Did you bring your checkbook?” The sinister devil reveled in a feast of her curves, settling at last on the press of her jeans against her sex.

“Damnit, Yoo! Everything isn’t a fucking game,” she seethed.

“Maybe not for you, but I have the luxury of making the rules. Now, your choices are simple: you can accept my terms and get what you want on every front, or you can continue blundering through the dark as you have been this whole time with nothing but my sincerest best wishes. If, however, you choose me, I promise I will offer you more than any of my brothers have.”

“How could I possibly believe a snake like you?”

“Because I’m a snake, not a liar. I have only ever told you the truth, though it may have been a small portion of it. All that changes with attorney-client privilege, and trust me, it is a privilege.”

Amber rolled her eyes. “As if. So, what, all I have to do is let you fuck me, and I’m magically added to the family Bible?”

“Oh, no, Detective. It seems you’ve forgotten my price. It’s not just your delicious pussy I want, it’s your submission. You give in to me, and I give you your answers.”

Her breath punctured the air as she weighed her options. She knew what she had been agreeing to the moment she’d turned down the road to his office, but everything revolted the moment she saw the cut of that smug jaw line. She wanted to be angry—she wanted someone to feel that blind anger—and there was no one she liked being angry at better than Yoo Kihyun.

“This is extortion,” Amber hissed.

“It only feels that way because of your pride, Detective. If I were Jooheon or even Minhyuk,” the lawyer said with a wrinkle of disdain, “you’d already be naked and spread eagle on my desk ready to trade pussy for secrets because you’re eager for both to be satisfied. But not with me. The only thing getting in your way is you admitting how badly you want to fuck a snake like me, and I’m not telling you a thing until you do.”

“Stop it.”

“No!” Kihyun boomed before he resumed his usual cool composure. “You stop it. That’s not what you want, and you know it. If I quit all this right now—if I told you the name you wanted—would you leave?”

The question startled her. It wasn’t a possibility Amber had ever considered, not with Kihyun. At first, she didn’t know how to answer something so simple, but finally, she said, “Yes.”

For a long moment, Kihyun didn’t move a muscle. Not even a twitch at his eye betrayed him, and Amber got the sickening notion he’d been turned into marble by some other magic spell that apparently existed in this world of nightmares, too. But, at last, he swiveled on his heel toward his desk and grabbed a scrap of paper. He scrawled something on it, folded it, and offered it to her. His expression hadn’t changed, however. There was nothing in his eyes anymore—no light, no fight, no thrill.

Kihyun waved the slip of paper, but Amber didn’t move. She couldn’t look away from his blank gaze.

“Take it,” he said.

She didn’t.

“Take it,” he insisted, shoving it more forcefully toward her. “It’s the name you wanted. No tricks, as you asked, no fees, and no obligations. You know I won’t lie to you, so take it and go. After this, you’re done with my family. I don’t want to see you here or at our home again.”

His words were just as icy as his glare, and Amber was frozen by them.

“I said take it.”

“No,” she retorted, and finally, a flutter of emotion creased his eyes, but it wasn’t the challenge she had hoped for, just something quiet and almost sad.

“No…” Kihyun drawled as the paper wilted in his hand. “I thought this is what you wanted?”

Her gaze drifted down to the little white flag, and her throat went dry.

“You’d never make it this easy on me,” she managed at last.

“You’re right, I wouldn’t have, not with how hard you’ve made everything for us, but now, I just want you to go. I want to be finished with this. I want to be finished with you, Detective Spiros.”

His words flayed Amber to the bone. She had wanted to be angry and, instead, all she felt was hurt—again.

“Last chance,” he said lowly. “Take it and go, or just go.”

“No.”

Kihyun hooked a finger in her jean pocket and yanked her flush against him as a gasp rushed out of her lungs. With a sharp look swimming in those shark’s eyes, he shoved the paper into her pocket, but before he could remove his hand, Amber trapped his wrist there.

Something gathered between them, a thrumming static electricity just begging to discharge.

“Let go,” he said, and, finally, she heard that perilous rattle that only Kihyun could command.

Amber bit her lip and stared right back. “No.”

“I’m stronger than you are.”

“Try me.”

Kihyun’s lip quivered. “Is that what you really want? A fight?”

Amber didn’t say anything, but she also didn’t let go of him.

Again, he jerked his hand back, but she held on. His left hand flashed toward her, but she caught it out of the corner of her eye and knocked it back reflexively. Her nails bit into his right wrist, but either Kihyun couldn’t feel it or he liked the pain. A moment later, he yanked his hand with more force, and there was no way for Amber to compete with his true strength. Red welts christened the white skin where her nails had scudded down his pulse point, and the vampire ran his tongue over them as he appraised her.

This time, his hand lashed out for her throat, but Amber batted that away, too, one and then the other in quick succession, until she was panting with the effort. None of it fazed Kihyun. He kept reaching for her over and over again, and soon, the detective ran out of anger to fuel her steam.

One of his hands gripped her hip sharply, fingers digging into the crest of her ass, and the other lashed to the nape of her neck. There, his thumb traced the hollow of her collarbone, pressing just firmly enough to remind her she had tested the very last of his patience.

“Feel better, Detective?” Kihyun said as he pulled her to him.

“I feel nothing.”

But as his fingernails raked soothing hills down the back of Amber’s neck, a little sigh betrayed her. At last, he smiled.

“You will never feel as good as you do with us, but you know that by now, don’t you?” He coaxed a finger up under her chin and drew her mouth an inch closer to his. “I can promise you this, little smartmouth, none of my brothers will make you scream like I do. You'll be ruined, I'll see to it.”

Amber stared at him, lips parted and eyes hooded.

“What? No biting remark, Detective? No argument or insult? Shame. What I’m going to do to you is going to feel unwarranted now. Tell me how you feel about me.”

Eyes, black as the night he came from, stared back at her through skin as rich as cream. The heady smell of his cologne, rum and leather and cardamom, perfumed her own decadent honey scent. His tongue, pink and sharp, peeked between curled lips. She wanted it in her mouth.

Amber’s voice came out thin and smoky. “You’re an entitled asshole who gets off on your conquests and the suffering of others.”

Kihyun rubbed his nose along the edge of her cheek so she could both hear and feel the rumble of his purr at her words. “You know me so well, Detective. I’m going to make you my next conquest now. Isn’t that what you want?”

“No, I—”

“No again?” The finger under her chin shoved her mouth shut, and she winced, but the sparks traveled straight to the pit of her belly. “You don’t want me to show you why I’ve earned my sense of entitlement?”

He ground his hips against hers, and she felt the hardness of his cock along the ribbon of her heat. She whined breathily.

“‘No,’” he mocked. “I see. That’s what you really want. You want to be sure I don’t go easy on you. You want to suffer. Say it.”

Amber searched for the strength to shake her head, but she didn’t want to risk her view of his beautiful mouth. “You’ve got it wrong. I want you to suffer.”

Kihyun growled, and when he opened his mouth again to speak, his fangs were in full view. “You want to deny me what’s mine? Oh, you harlot, you do know me. Feel that?”

When he pressed into her again, his cock felt impossibly harder.

“I’m going to shove that so deep in your cunt, you’ll taste it and beg for more.”

“Never,” she breathed, but her hand was already grasping his hard-on through his pants and stroking him firmly.

He licked a fang as he thrust once into her grip before he knocked her away and turned her around, shoving her face-first into the wall. Amber tasted paint and dust as her chest heaved against the plaster. The air in her lungs was crushed unceremoniously out of her as Kihyun flattened his body along her back.

“You will submit to me, Detective, and do you know why?”

“Why?” she whimpered.

His fingers danced along her waist and under the band of her jeans before they slipped inside her underwear to find her soaked and swollen folds. His middle finger coaxed her slit wide, and her hips canted into his touch.

“Because you want to.”

“You’re the devil,” Amber protested, but it was countered with another grind of her sex on his finger.

“Yes.”

“And I need you.”

“There’s a good little cockslut.”

Kihyun unbuttoned Amber’s pants and slipped his finger inside her as his mouth moved to her neck. His fangs grazed the skin there, hard enough to raise two trails, but he didn’t bite her. Instead, his tongue painted a line along her carotid until he reached her jaw. As his finger stroked her insides and his palm ground against her clit, his mouth sucked a bruise at the top of her neck.

She felt weak, not just from his touch but from his degradation, and she dug troughs into the plaster to keep from collapsing. All it would have taken was a short trip to her P228 in her holster, and she could reassert her dominance. But as Kihyun laved his tongue in circles against her skin, Amber realized she thrilled at the weakness. At just his words, her core throbbed, and under the force of his lust, she folded. When he added another finger, her breath hitched, and he tilted her head sharper and sucked deeper.

He pulled back just enough to stare down at the angry red blotch he’d left in his wake. Though he hadn’t pierced her with his fangs, Kihyun had sucked so hard, blood wept through her skin in little pinpricks. He flattened his tongue to collect it all, and she felt his shiver all the way through his fingers inside her.

It took Kihyun a long moment to regain his control before he said, “That should do it.”

“Do what?” she stuttered.

“Cause chaos.”

“You really are—” she panted between plunges “—a son of a bitch.”

“I am, but you’re about to cum for me anyway.”

She was. Amber sputtered against the wall as his fingers stretched her tightness to the limit. She was vibrating as much from his relentless intrusion as the unforgivable indecency of their act. Of her many transgressions, letting Kihyun fuck away the last of her resistance was the worst. There was no romance, no softness—he wasn’t even looking at her. There was no coming back from it, and as reprehensible as that was, it was also electrifying.

Behind her, Kihyun licked up the last beads of vermillion from her bruised neck and collapsed against her back. “Fuck. No one has ever tasted so good. You’re driving me crazy, baby.”

He ground his cock against her ass, and just as he could tell how close she was, she knew he wouldn’t be far behind, and everything would change again.

“Stop!” Amber demanded a second away from her release. Kihyun’s fingers stilled inside her as his hips did against her.

“What’s wrong?” His voice was laced with a note of something high-pitched, something that sounded suspiciously like worry.

It was too late to have second thoughts, not that she did, even if she should have—her career was already ruined. Amber just wanted to see how sadistic he really was. Yoo Kihyun was a bastard, but he had stopped. It made her wonder what other surprises he sheltered inside that icebox exterior.

Realization seemed to dawn on the vampire as well, but when her answer never came, his once-hungry grunts morphed into a low snarl as his fingers disappeared, leaving her cold and unfulfilled. But it was only for a moment before he pinched her clit between his thumb and index finger and rolled it mercilessly. Amber yelped at the intensity and thudded her fist against the wall.

“You shouldn’t have tested me, you wicked little whore. You wanted to know if I would stop? I won’t now—not when you beg, not when you cry. You wanted suffering? I’m going to make you suffer. I’m going to take you to the height of ecstasy and fucking leave you there.”

“Kihyun, I’m—”

“No point in apologizing now,” he asserted with another roll of her clit. Shockwaves reverberated through her, and this time her forehead hit the wall. “You made a mistake. Now, you have to be punished for it. You need to understand that I don't care about getting you off at all. Maybe my brothers did, but I don't.”

“Only because you know you can't get me off.”

“Oh, that's good,” Kihyun laughed. “That's smart. You can tell I like a challenge, and you’re right, but here's what you've missed. I like to challenge myself more than I like to be challenged, and that's why I'm going to make sure you cry and beg to cum on my cock. You see, it's not about what you want now. It's what I want, and what I want is to deny you what you want.”

“I don't want you,” Amber asserted.

“Your voice says one thing,” he replied as he cupped her cunt and squeezed, “but these lips say another.”

“Fucking bastard.”

His other hand gripped her neck and tightened just enough to make her breath catch and her pulse quicken. “That’s it, baby, hate me. I can feel how wet it makes you knowing you’re going to give this bastard everything he wants.”

Kihyun withdrew his hand from her folds and let go of her neck as he laughed at her slumped stupidly against the wall, waiting for more. “Turn around, Detective.”

Shakily, Amber did.

“Lose that pointless gun.”

She slipped off her holster and rested it on the desk, already feeling naked under his black gaze.

“Well, don’t just stand there,” tutted Kihyun. “Get on your knees and tell me how much you need my cock. And don’t lie. From now on, I will take something away for every lie you tell.”

Though she dropped to her knees, Amber glowered at him as she said, “You’ve already taken away any chance that I’ll get to cum. What the fuck do I care?”

“God, you’ve got a harpy’s mouth on you. I can’t wait to stuff it shut with my dick. But first, you owe me the truth.”

Kihyun looked down at her with one eyebrow raised and both hands on his hips. His rock-hard member jutted eagerly against his suit slacks, and it was clear he had no doubt he would get his way—just as he always did.

Amber stared up at him defiantly. “I don’t owe you anything. I don’t care about you or your dick.”

Quietly, Kihyun knelt down as well and began unbuttoning her shirt. He glanced down at her white cotton bra and rolled his eyes. “Even your lingerie is police-issue. Remove it, too.”

As Amber followed his instructions, Kihyun carted her pilfered shirt behind his desk where he withdrew a pair of scissors and hacked off the bottom to a chorus of her complaints.

“Hey! My apartment just burned down! That’s the only shirt I have left, you fucker!”

“Really, Detective, I just had my fingers knuckle-deep in your pussy. I think you know me well enough by now to understand I'm a man of conviction. Now, that was two lies, so this is two things.” He waggled her dismantled shirt as he appraised her topless form. “Put an arm behind your back.”

Reluctantly, Amber did, and Kihyun wrapped his arms around her. For a moment, it almost felt like an embrace, though the detective knew better than to believe the man capable of affection.

As if to reinforce that truth, he whispered, “Your tits feel great, honey.”

“Enjoy it because you’ll never feel them again.”

Kihyun smiled softly against her ear as he tied one sleeve around her wrist and the other around her waist like a backwards cast, finishing it in a firm knot.

“That hurts,” she whined.

“Lying hurts everyone,” the lawyer replied. A moment later, he was back on his feet, looming above her. “Take off my pants.”

“How do you expect me to do that with one hand?”

“You’re a detective. Problem-solve.”

Amber scooted over on her knees and tried to flick open the button on his fly, but it was stubborn and awkward from this position, and she tugged on her restraints hoping for more give. It was useless and Kihyun delighted in her struggle. He was enjoying her humiliation, but if the unbearable wetness in her jeans was anything to go by, so was she. It was a horrifying thought, but that didn’t quell her desperation, so she used her teeth to stay the buttonhole while her thumb flicked the button free.

A little equal sign of creases furrowed at the top of Kihyun’s nose, and it might have been cute if his voice hadn’t dropped an octave. “Use your teeth on the zipper, too.”

Her tongue guided the flimsy metal between her teeth and she bit down. She had to bow to pull it all the way down, and judging by the twitch of his cock against her cheek, nothing pleased Kihyun more. As soon as Amber had removed his pants, his length sprang free an inch from her lips.

Kihyun smirked. “You know what’s expected of you.”

With her free hand, she reached up and gripped him at his base as she guided the head to her freshly wetted lips. They parted to accept him, but before she could, he said, “No. Kiss it first. Apologize for lying.”

Eyes wide, Amber looked to the predatory man above her. His mouth was set in a stern line that matched his brows and threatened another consequence for disobedience, so she leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on his dribbling crown. A note of salt lingered on her lips as she pulled back and glanced up at Kihyun for approval. He shook his head, and this time she planted more urgent kisses all the way down his shaft and back up again.

When she pulled back this time, he nodded and she opened her mouth, but before she could take a breath, he shoved his cock to the back of her throat. She gasped and choked, tears immediately springing to her eyes, but he only smirked.

“Now, say it. Say you’re sorry.”

But he didn’t withdraw, and Amber was forced to garble her apology around his thick length. Satisfied, he pulled out so she could catch her breath.

“Apology accepted.”

Amber seethed and inhaled greedily. “You son of—”

“Be careful there, harpy,” Kihyun warned as he shushed her with the tip of his cock against her lips.

“Yes, sir,” she mumbled sarcastically, but his eyes flashed.

“Mm, I like that, baby. Let’s you know your place. Now suck this cock like a good slut.”

“Yes, sir.” There was no sarcasm this time, only begrudging obedience as Amber opened her mouth and slid Kihyun inside.

His cock was nearly as perfect as he imagined himself to be—straight, strong, and powerful. It filled her mouth and stretched her lips and pressed heavy against her tongue. He let her find her own rhythm, not likely out of consideration for her but simply to test her skill. If Kihyun loved a challenge, so did Amber, particularly if it meant forcing him to his knees, too, and that’s exactly what she set out to do.

She sucked loudly and sloppily, playing up her depravation because she knew that’s what he would feed on but also because it felt so damn good to be so damn bad. She should care that she was tied up and servicing a man who could piss her off on an elemental level, but she didn’t. It was hot, and he was hot, glaring down over that sharp nose of his with hunger twitching at his sinister jaw line.

Amber massaged the base of his length with her tongue, letting spit puddle at the corners of her mouth and drip down her chin while her free hand worked the base of his shaft. In between deep breaths, she would take him as far as she could, sometimes gagging, sometimes full-blown choking. Tears leaked down her cheeks, but it only made him groan harder.

“Watch those teeth,” he warned, “or you’ll be watching mine next.”

Amber sucked him for so long that her knees ached and her thighs burned, but Kihyun hadn’t told her to stop, so she couldn’t. At last, his hand came to the back of her head to rob her of the last of her control, and he held her there so he could thrust into her mouth. She could feel his release coming, and she waited like the dutiful receptacle she was for him.

“That’s it, Ambrosia. Take it.”

It was so fucking stupid and irrational, but as he stuffed her mouth full, the only thing she could focus on was her name. Kihyun had spent the last twenty minutes training her to be a mindless whore for him, but he’d slipped.

She smiled the whole time he spilled his salty load down her throat.

Kihyun pulled out, cock red and twitching in time with his panting. “What are you so happy about, slut? Stand up. Open. My cum better be gone.”

Amber obeyed. He fingered her tongue, shifting it side to side before sliding it underneath. She tasted the remnants of her cunt still clinging to his skin and even curled her tongue around the exploratory digit. When Kihyun was satisfied she’d downed every last drop of his release, she closed her mouth, that hint of a smile still playing on her lips.

His eyes narrowed.

“I’ll wipe that cock-sucking grin off your face. You could use a little humility,” he grunted as he shoved his fingers sharply back into her mouth.

“So could you,” she managed as she choked on the slender digits as well as the moan she refused to unleash.

“I have nothing to be humble about. I’ve got a big cock, and I know how to use it. I’ve never left a woman unsatisfied.”

“Maybe they’ve just been lying to you to get it over with,” Amber challenged. “I am.”

Kihyun bellowed a laugh as he roughly cupped her sex through her jeans. “You know, if I had an ounce less control, I’d take your bait and fuck you right through the floor until you forgot your own name, but unfortunately for you, my filthy detective, control is more important to me than some beautiful whore with a nasty mouth. So how about instead I drive you down to your precinct, lead you back to your captain’s office, and bend you over his desk while he watches, hm? Maybe I’ll even make him slide my dick into your cunt, or maybe I’ll make him clean up my cum inside you. Would that turn you on?”

Panic flooded Amber’s veins along with something else she couldn’t identify.

“No!”

“We talked about lies, didn’t we? I can hear your breath catch. I can smell the blood under your skin. I can feel your pussy clench. For that lie, you lose another privilege.”

This time, Kihyun grabbed the scissors and yanked Amber to her feet. The cold steel of the blade glided along the waist of her pants before tickling her soft belly. She closed her eyes, terrified but somehow not of him. A moment later, the point slipped up and clipped the bridge of her bra, her breasts bouncing out into the chilly air. Her nipples perked immediately, and even a man as resolute as Yoo Kihyun couldn’t resist taking one into his mouth.

How could lips so mean flush so delicately around her nipple? His eyes closed as his hand lifted her breast higher to let him suckle more deeply. His tongue flicked her pert bud with just the right amount of pressure to send fireworks down to her core. For the briefest of moments, he looked like a lover.

This time, an unfettered moan spilled from Amber’s lips as his unexpected tenderness overtook her. She threaded her fingers through his silken hair and pressed him harder against her chest.

“Kihyun,” she breathed.

At the sound of his name cherished for once on her tongue, the corner of his mouth twitched. He sucked more fiercely until her nipple felt hard enough to cut glass, and finally, he flicked it with a faster rhythm until her knees trembled.

He was so pretty, and for one indulgent second, she thought maybe it wasn’t all about him. Amber gripped his hair tighter and smiled just as Kihyun opened his eyes.

The twitch at the corner of his lips vanished as his grip on her tit tightened, and Amber winced.

“Hands and knees. Now.”

“I only have one hand, asshole,” she griped.

Kihyun sat back against his desk as he appraised her, his face suddenly kind and his cheeks high with an understanding smile. One finger hooked under her chin and brought her mouth within an inch of his, and in a voice light as mist, he sang, “And whose fault is that?”

Chest heaving and blood thumping in her ears, she whispered, “Mine, sir.”

“That’s right. I don’t care.”

Gingerly, Amber bent over, trying her best to center her weight between her legs and arm. Already, her muscles burned with the effort to stay balanced, and she had no idea how long he’d make her stay like this. It was infuriating and intimidating and thrilling all at once.

Kihyun, at least, did her the favor of tugging her jeans down to her knees. It would have been easier to balance if he’d taken them all the way off, but she knew that was the point.

“I see Hoseok was here,” the lawyer laughed as his fingertips traced the purple constellations around her waist. “Wow, you really are the family whore.”

Amber choked back an excited moan at Kihyun’s appraisal. “Yes, sir.”

His hand thundered against her ass, and she fell forward.

“Fuck you, sir!” she yelped as her eyes stung anew with tears.

“That’s for enjoying yourself,” he warned. “Get back up. You smile again, and you’ll have a matching bruise on the other side of this tight ass and then one on this sloppy pussy.”

He grabbed her heat crudely, and Amber pitched forward again, this time in pure pleasure.

“Fuck, you’re filthy,” he hissed with the slightest hitch in his voice. “You soaked through your jeans, and now you’re presenting like the back-alley whore you are.”

“Yes, sir.”

“This cunt is so ripe, I bet you could cum as soon as I stick my dick in you. Isn’t that right, Detective?”

“Yes, sir.”

Kihyun grabbed the cheek still emblazoned with his handprint and squeezed, spreading her apart.

“Hm. You don’t care how cruel I am to you, you love it.”

“I do, sir.”

Kihyun tutted. “Think you’ll get in my good graces by playing the good pet now? Think I’ll let you cum if you go along with me? All this ‘sir’ shit, I know it’s an act. You’re no submissive, Detective. You think you can use me like I use you? I’ll never let it happen. I’ll never let you take what I don’t want to give you.”

“Yes, sir.”

He cracked his hand across her ass again, this time on the other cheek, but Amber didn’t stumble now, and he laughed.

“I knew it. I’ll have you on the floor in a minute, you willful slut. I can’t wait to hear you begging, knowing I’ll never give you mercy.”

The vampire shoved two fingers into her core, and decadence skyrocketed through her veins. No matter how cold Kihyun was, his touch felt molten hot. He pumped his fingers a few times until his hand was soaked with her juices and then stopped to scissor them wide. Amber’s head drooped under the intensity, and she caught a glimpse of the lawyer’s once-frigid face softened by something that looked like surprise.

“You’ll let me do anything to you, won’t you?” It wasn’t said with his usual callousness or smarm, the edges of his voice turned up with some kind of wonder.

“Yes, sir,” she admitted with the same startled tone.

“That’s good,” he echoed as he gripped her waist and guided her pussy back and forth over his fingers, “so good.”

Kihyun knew exactly where to rub inside her walls to make her weak. Maybe it was as he said, that he could hear what made her heart beat faster, or maybe he was the naturally impressive fucker he boasted to be, but either way, he had Amber’s every last nerve singing with hope.

Her mouth dropped open, drooling and panting. “Please, sir. I’m almost there. I need to cum.”

“I don’t care.”

“I can’t take it anymore. I’m going to—”

“No, you’re not,” Kihyun snapped and withdrew his fingers only to slide them down to her clit and circle it quickly. The deep ache Amber felt building stalled immediately only to ramp up again with a wild fury.

“Oh my god, yes!”

“Don’t you dare cum,” he warned, but his rubbing was so intense that the world was dwindling to pinpoints.

“Sir, Kihyun, please. I can’t hold it! I have to. I have to. Please, yes!”

Seconds before her release, he removed his fingers, and Amber collapsed in tears. The rope inside her hadn’t snapped, yet she felt so frayed.

“Oh, you son of a bitch. You mean son of a bitch,” she spluttered against the carpet. “I hate you.”

“Careful, pet. You still have things you can lose.”

“I hate you, sir,” she spat.

Kihyun walked his fingers along her spine, humming the whole way. “Instead of being ungrateful, you could just leave and go begging to the next willing dick. Maybe that captain of yours would take pity on you. But that won’t satisfy you, will it?”

Amber said nothing. It was true. Right now, she craved a hard fuck, and only Kihyun could give it to her.

What was she saying! She didn’t need this prick. She didn’t need this humiliation either.

But she wanted it.

A second later, Kihyun surprised her by sliding his cock into her at last, and he hissed loud and long in time with her messy moan.

“Oh yeah, you do know it,” he growled. “Ah, I can feel your cunt holding on to me for dear life. I should tell your captain how you begged for me to let you cum. Would he like to know about that? Would he like to know how you’ve taken all my brothers’ dicks, too? That you let them fill you up with their cum? Let’s call him.”

Terror washed through her. Amber twisted around as best she could only to find her radio in the bastard’s hands—the one fucking time she remembered to bring it, goddamnit. His monstrous fingers toyed with the call button as he held it by his mouth, all while his cock glided in and out of her dripping pussy.

“Kihyun, stop!”

“That word means nothing anymore. Fuck though, you get so tight when you think about it. Are you afraid or excited or both? Afraid of how much you’d like it? You want him to watch me take you?”

“No, sir, please,” she begged. Her strength evaporated and she crumpled onto the floor, her cheek rubbing raw with rug burn as Kihyun fucked her ruthlessly. “Use me all for yourself.”

He laughed and put the radio down, his hands returning to her hips to tug her deeper into every thrust.

“There’s a good pet. You’re mine now. You’re only with me.”

Amongst the dusty law books and well-worn leather, the sex sounded just as filthy as she felt—raw and wet and violent—and Amber was loving it. She had never given up so much control before. It brought an addictive thrill with it she couldn’t quite understand. As much as she loved challenging Kihyun, she wanted to please him, even if he was an asshole. She knew if he would just let her, she would cum hard enough to see stars.

“Fuck, you take cock so well,” he murmured. “I’ve never felt anything like your pussy.”

“Yes, sir,” was all she could manage.

“You were made to take my cock like this. Mm, so good.”

Once again, Amber could only answer with panting and groaning. Kihyun had a way of driving down into her walls that she’d never felt before, coaxing forth a wet friction that made it hard for her to see straight let alone talk.

One of his hands rested in the small of her back while the other gripped the red mark on her ass.

“I could do this all night,” he murmured.

“Please, ah. Please do it, s-sir. Make me forget.”

Suddenly, he stopped and pulled out, and fresh panic welled in Amber’s heart. She struggled back up on her arm, but before she could confront him, his hand glided under her belly and settled between her tits. Kihyun pulled her up so her back was flush to his chest, and his sticky cock was nestled between her ass. He held her in this backward embrace, mouthing along her neck and savoring the bruise he left there, before he guided her around to face him.

His eyes searched hers for something, but Amber had no idea if he found what he was looking for because the next thing she knew, he had pushed her onto her back and shimmied her jeans and underwear all the way off before shoving her legs wide.

“It really is a beautiful pussy,” he marveled as he stared at her fucked-out hole, “and it’s mine, isn’t it?”

“All yours, sir,” she answered.

Amber couldn’t take her eyes off Kihyun’s glistening dick. Her obscene arousal glossed its angry red length as it yearned for her heat again. She flexed her walls, and her entrance constricted under his watchful gaze. A smile painted his lips again, this one genuinely pleased.

He lined his tip back with her cunt but stopped. Kihyun caught her chin with his hand so she had to hold his gaze, and for a split second, as she peered deep into his eyes, Amber forgot this was about sex. Somewhere way down deep in those glassy beads was the flutter of a soul only she would be foolish enough to think she could see.

With that, Kihyun sunk his cock back into her.

Her eyes closed with the pleasure, and he hummed as her back arched high off the floor.

His hand splayed across her taut stomach before lashing to her waist. “You missed my cock, didn’t you?”

“Yes, sir,” she cooed.

“I was only gone from you for a second.”

“I know, sir. I missed it.”

“My beautiful pet,” he crooned as he stroked her hair.

Amber laid there like a good girl, her tits bouncing with every thrust and her nipples perked by the exhilaration. Her skin flushed a warm pink, and Kihyun ran one hand across every inch he could until his cold skin warmed, too.

“Feels good to give in to me, doesn’t it?” he asked.

“Yes, sir.”

Kihyun threw his head back as he savored her admission, and she could feel how his cock swelled with his delight.

It did feel good. Amber had never wanted Kihyun’s good graces—in fact, she’d outright resented them—but there was something to be said for his mythical beauty as he fed off her submission. It made him softer somehow, like sunlight diffused through a shade, inviting but intangible.

She ventured her free hand up to his arm and grasped the lean muscle there. The touch jolted him, and his gaze shot to it.

In a flash, Kihyun ripped off her makeshift restraint, and her bound arm tumbled out, tingling with fresh blood flow. His eyes widened, and he bent over listening to her skin.

She shouldn’t have touched him like that. Amber waited, expecting a repercussion. Panic clasped her heart. What if he sent her away? She wasn’t sure why that would be a punishment—it wasn’t like she cared about him. This was just fucking.

“Wrap your arms around me,” Kihyun commanded.

She blinked. This wasn’t what she expected from him.

“Do it!” he commanded. It was almost frantic.

The intimacy confused her, but more shockingly, it empowered her.

Amber brought Kihyun flat against her body and held him as best she could with her numb arm. Despite how hard he was fucking her, he was still cold, but he purred into her embrace, his nose caressing her neck as his tongue lavished his brand again.

“Heaven,” he purred against her skin. “Heaven… Ah, wish I could have a real taste. Wish I could—”

He cut himself off as his thumb slipped between their bodies and found her clit again, uniting the voracious ache inside her with the primal lust under his finger. It was euphoric, but Amber was terrified it would disappear in a heartbeat as it had all night.

Kihyun grunted in her ear as his hand dug under her back. “Kiss me.”

“What?” she stuttered.

“I want to taste you as you cum.”

Amber was so desperate for release, she would have done just about anything, but kissing a man whose mouth knew only clever cruelty hadn’t crossed her mind. But she had to obey. She wanted to obey. She wanted to know how Yoo Kihyun kissed.

She pressed her lips against his. At first, he didn’t move as she teased her tongue against his bottom lip, but then she ventured into his mouth. He was cold and lifeless, almost as though he had forgotten how to kiss or maybe never had. But as his thumb spurred on her desire, Amber kissed him more fervently, and Kihyun awoke like a sleeping dragon. He flattened her against the carpet, his hips still driving in between hers, as his mouth grew eager and hungry. He sucked her bottom lip and caressed her tongue with his own, and the feeling of this frigid man coming alive in her arms hurled her over the edge.

There wasn’t a part of Amber that wasn’t stimulated—her body, her mind, her heart—and at last, with his kiss, Kihyun had plucked that last string. She went rigid under him, her arms crushing him in a desperate embrace as her legs locked behind his back. A wicked gasp clenched her chest and flooded from her mouth into his, and for a moment, it felt like she couldn’t breathe. She shivered and collapsed to the floor, her arms falling limp at her sides as she twitched and waited for him to finish.

Kihyun brought his now free hand up to her face and held her mouth to his as he greedily kissed her slackened lips. Amber laid there strung out and sore, letting him take everything he needed from her. She didn’t care. He could have it all.

His hand wound into her hair as though he were afraid she might run from him—not that she had any strength left to do so—not that she’d ever had the strength.

“Ambrosia.”

He crooned her name against her lips as he filled her with his cum. She received it all gratefully.

He pulled out of her and tumbled to her side, his eyes staring at the ceiling as vacantly as hers, his hand resting over his heart. The moment of peace faded a second later when one of his hands wheedled unceremoniously under her hips and pushed her pelvis up. He kneaded her ass while his other hand rubbed from her thigh to her stomach.

“Just like that, baby,” he whispered. “Keep my cum deep inside you. Take it deep. Mine, mine, mine.”

Amber swirled her hips and could almost feel his release coating every part of her core. Despite her best efforts, a few droplets splattered on the carpet, but Kihyun swiped them up on his finger and fucked them back into her.

“Keep it all,” he murmured as he plugged her cunt with his icy finger. He groaned and squeezed her ass tighter. “I can feel you pulling it in deeper. Good girl, mixing it with your messy cum.”

“I thought you said you didn't care if I came,” she said between gasps.

“I don’t. Call it collateral damage.”

“I call it bullshit,” she quipped.

He wriggled his finger in her sensitive walls and she yelped.

“Don’t test me, Ambrosia.”

They lay there like that another few minutes, Amber full of Kihyun’s seed and finger while he charted the lithe silhouette of her obedient body.

Her mind tumbled over all her recent bad decisions until they were polished with striking clarity. She realized Shownu had been right all along: she didn’t want Hyungwon to be the killer, not just because it meant she would have to give up her life’s work, but because somewhere, in the most forbidden corner of her heart, she didn’t want to give up any of his family. If they were innocent, then maybe this could go on forever. No way around it anymore, she was addicted to these men. Maybe that was sick and maybe that meant she was as shit a person as she felt, but the truth could no longer be outrun.

At last, Kihyun removed his finger from her, and Amber crashed to the floor, totally spent while he sucked the digit clean.

“That was…” she said breathlessly, and he rolled onto his side, watching her expectantly.

“What?”

He sounded so hopeful, and it made Amber’s heart seize. At the hint of his sincerity, whatever thought she had died on her tongue. Instead, she settled on: “That was just what I needed.”

She thought his face might brighten, but instead, the lines around Kihyun’s eyes deepened, and he rolled onto his back again.

“I told you you would give in to me,” he muttered, though it was without his usual ominous cast.

A shrill chirp jolted the pair of them, and the detective rolled over and clawed through her tangled jeans to find her discarded radio. She switched to her designated channel, and a second later, Shownu’s voice crackled through the perfume of sex and sweat and sent Amber crashing back to reality: “Spiros, you there?”

Still gasping like a fish on land, she tried to steady her breathing before answering.

“I’m here, Son?” she said still a little too breathless for her liking.

With a hook of a shark’s grin, Kihyun perked up onto one elbow and slid a hand over to cradle her belly. He molded his body to her side but said nothing though his mouth rested at her ear.

Shownu was quiet for a moment on the other end of the line before he finally said, “Can you meet me in Nob Hill?”

“Everything okay?” she asked. “Is Eric okay?”

As if he could read her emotions, Kihyun pressed a kiss onto her shoulder and stroked one soothing finger back and forth just below her bellybutton.

“I thought you were with him?” Shownu asked.

“I was,” she stumbled as she glanced back at the wicked white face behind her, “but he was still unconscious, and I needed to get some air. You weren’t in the waiting room when I came back.”

Kihyun’s hand was less reassuring now and much more devious. His rhythmic stroking had trailed down Amber’s belly to the apex of her pressed thighs. She tightened them as best she could to lock him out, but the man could not be dissuaded, not when he wanted to humiliate her, and one hand between her knees was all it took before his vampiric strength pried them apart. He drew her top leg back to drape it over his. His hand returned to her exposed slit while his elbow pinned her top leg wide. Her cum still mixed with his in a sinful concoction, and he found plenty of lubrication to circle her clit.

“There’s something you need to see,” Shownu continued over the radio.

Amber grunted but did her best to cover it with a cough as she struggled against Kihyun’s vice-like grip. “Sure. Where?”

“Lovejoy and 22nd in twenty, okay?”

“Tw-twenty? Okay, yeah, I can d-do that.”

“Spiros?” her partner probed.

“Y-yeah?”

One word was all Amber could safely manage before she would unleash a tidal wave of begging moans. She could practically hear Shownu squinting through the static, but instead, he said, “Twenty minutes. I’ll be waiting.”

“I’m close,” she said as much to Shownu as to Kihyun, who was merciless in his attentions to her clit.

Shownu paused again. “See you soon then?”

“Yes, sir.”

Amber realized her mistake in an instant and tossed her radio before kicking Kihyun with her bottom leg. “Bastard!”

He let go of her knee in favor of rolling on top of her and gliding his once-again hard member against her thighs. He slid easily along the seam of her cunt as he said, “You planning on leaving me?”

“I have to go, you prick,” the detective snapped as she wriggled underneath him, but that was a mistake as more of his shaft huddled between her folds.

“Wouldn’t you rather cum on my cock again?”

“You’re such a sadist,” she whined.

“Which must make you a masochist. Look at you, spread wide for me.”

To her horror, Amber realized that without even realizing it, her legs had parted and her pelvis had tipped up greedily.

“Fuck,” she growled and shoved his chest as hard as she could. “I have to go, Kihyun.”

“But you’ll be back?”

She expected to hear it as an order, but instead, she heard the clear question mark at the end. Why did it haunt her heart?

“Don’t count on it,” Amber retorted.

Whatever softness she had suspected was traded out for wickedness as Kihyun gathered her underwear and locked it in his top desk drawer. “You’ll have to be if you want those back.”

“The fuck, Kihyun? I have to meet my partner, and, fuck, you ruined my only shirt and bra, too! Damn you.”

“Wear my shirt then,” he said as he peeled his crumpled button-down from his shoulders and slipped it around hers.

Amber looked from the wrinkled fabric to the newly naked Kihyun beside his desk, arms casual at his side, lean stomach tensing, and cock rigid and shining. She fought every urge compelling her mouth toward his hard-on and instead worked the buttons closed.

“So fucking unprofessional,” she complained as she scanned the floor for her jeans.

“Sums you up quite nicely, Detective.”

Amber shot him a grimace that only deepened as she slipped back into the cool dampness of her jeans. Without the shelter of her underwear, a rush of his cum trickled between her lower lips and soaked the seat of the fabric further.

“And I don’t even have time to stop somewhere, shit.”

Kihyun pressed a kiss against her scowl before he leaned back and stroked his hard-on a few tantalizing times. “My little whore doesn’t need to anyways. Just let the memory of me drip down your legs as those pretty tits grace the inside of my shirt. Mm. I’ll want that back, by the way. It’s my new favorite. Don’t make me come and collect it at your station.”

Amber shivered. “God, you’re an asshole. You really are a monster.”

“I am,” he agreed as he curled his finger under her chin, “but you’re going to be thinking about me the rest of the night as you sidle up alongside your partner with sticky thighs. Be good, pet.”

“Yes, sir,” she snarled before she pumped his dick a few quick times and bit his bottom lip in a messy kiss.

At last, she turned to slam the door in his smug face, but instead, she found Kihyun there, still naked and fearsome but with a gentle smile illuminating his sharp features.

“Don’t you dare wash that,” he ordered, his tongue poking the corner of his mouth and shattering the tenderness. “I want to smell your sex on it when it comes back to me.”

Amber flipped him the middle finger and shut the door on his peal of self-satisfied laughter.

#Monsta X #monsta x smut #smut #novel #succumbing to sybaris #original character #shownu #wonho #minhyuk #kihyun #hyungwon #jooheon #changkyun #detective au #vampire au #1990s #enemies to lovers #reverse harem #WE GO HARD YO

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papers4me · 3 years

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Fruits Basket, Se3, ep 12 (Part 1)

The aftermath of the curse lifting~ Btw, the timeline is super messy. Flashbacks & background stories aren’t this anime’s best tool, it’s always felt messy when they attempt that. more on it in my side notes below. Now into the ep~

-Yuki & Machi: ( Blossoming Love!):

I love that the author attempted different direction of romantic love with yuki/machi that suits yuki’s personality! Opposite to kyo/tohru who had the (from best friends to lovers/ from roommates of 3 years to lovers). Yuki & machi’s love is based on natural crush & while she isnt his best friend, she’ll be his lover & they’ll know each other after dating. Both types of love are realistic & have their own path of dynamics, which is clear with how yuki/machi will be interacting & how kyo/tohru are now interacting since becoming official. I’m still bummed most of yuki/machi’s “noticing each other” is supposed to be off-screen, it robbed me of seeing yuki interact in a normal teenage-boy crushing on a girl which contrasts his relationship with kakeru, kyo, haru & tohru. Now, we’ll start the “ official-boyfriend yuki” stage! Also, this jump to confessions didnt help machi have any uniqueness beside being saved by yuki’s words from her trauma. watching her interact with him normally would’ve added realistic depth to her being a normal girl with unique cute quirks differently from tohru, Isuzu, kagura or even motoko!. Oh well~ moving on & focusing on the meaningful cute confession. I loved that altho there were a hug & a kiss, it didn’t have “ I love you” statement. You know they (will) love each other so dearly, but they’re in stage 1 now, she just called him by his first name for the first time! cute! I love that the emphasis is on the “ first name” calling since this is a huge key to yuki’s identity & struggle. Also, It is cute she bought a gift to tohru! This is a set-up to a healthy relationship with yuki since she isn’t jealous from a precious woman in his life that isnt related by blood.

-Moving towards the future: Kyoru’s final stage of growth!

By Kyokoy’s grave Kyo & tohru had key moment of growth & healthy closure to their core character issues::

1- Kyo’s toxic habit of running from life became a desire to run towards life!: While this habit is rightfully excused by his trauma, it needed to be addressed once his curse broke. We know he stopped running & faced his dad, confessed to tohru, accepted her love, embraced his crazy desire for her & accepted he deserved to be loved! Even ran towards tohru, chasing her! However, all the above is him running to the good current life in his grasp. He needs to run to the far away future this time! Needs to plan for the good & accept that the bad is part of it. struggling is part of life & he’ll endure it together with her, while enjoying life’s rewards.

I love that kyo is the one who suggested moving out to another city/place, cuz kyo was the one NOT living. He was long dead & trapped in the cage of his guilt & self-loath. Tohru at least was living thro helping others ( which is not real living but at least it’s better). Kyo was “ Mom, why didn’t you kill me instead of yourself?” ,“ I’ll kill yuki & then kill myself, would that please you, dad?!”, “ I cant forgive me, I dont want you to forgive me, tohru”. Walking on a road of self-destruction & slow death. But now, with tohru he wants life!!! all of it!! travel, learn, see, struggle, fail, succeed, build their own future by themselves.

I love that kyo didnt take tohru’s approval for his plans for granted. He really didnt think she’ll accept right away. He didnt even want her to dedice quickly, He was prepared for compromising to a better solution for them both. They’ll work other possibilities “ if i’m gonna live in this world, I want to do it with you”.

I love that kyo was real abt the obstacles ahead & didnt want tohru to just follow him based on love. He wanted her to decide on her own as well. He also, left the door open for her to change her mind anytime & this screams support & understanding!! Very powerful!.

2- Thoru’s toxic habit of being ashamed to desire anything for herself, living for others & wearing a happy “i’m okay” mask while concealing her true feelings became confidence, self-clarity & honesty: The tohru who was smiling while concealing grief on the beach is gone, the tohru who kyo had to coax her to “complain, be selfish” se01,ep5, to “not hide worrying over a relative’s sickness” se02, ep14 “ cry if she needs to” se3, ep6, is now telling kyo her honest opinion abt his proposal, while thinking of her own self as much as him & even objecting to his sentiment abt her mom’s words!!!!

I love that tohru is now a confident free woman making her own decisions based on self-honesty & communication with her partner. She wasn't just “okay” with it cuz he wants it while putting fake smile, No more of that. Now, she’ll say her true feelings, she asked him abt his plans, tried to see if it is a spur of the moment decision or if he really thought abt it. She also inquired where’s heading, who he talked to, what he’s planning! She is deciding for herself after hearing him! ok, this is your plan? I like it. I’m going! Very powerful!.

I love that like how kyo was realistic abt the plan having some difficulties due to starting away by themselves, she was also realistic that it is indeed sad to part with my friends, my hometown, & my mom’s resting-place, but i’ll choose ME now. “I” want to go with you for “me”. This is not a bind I’ll follow you wherever love story, this is realistic depiction of healthy relationship. Acknowledging hardships & accepting them saves you from being crushed by failure, you’ll endure it when it eventually happens & move on, cuz God knows we DO fail & succeed! Life isnt smooth sailing~

I love that tohru complemented him on his plan cuz she could see that is a sign of growth. If she’s gonna share her life with this man, it is delightful to see that he is thinking of a happier, healthier & realistic future! Cuz kyo was this destroyed man~ so destroyed he was pushing her away despite loving her dearly, now, he’s asking her opinion & permission to accompany him!

I love that tohru made sure to touch upon kyo’s last scar “ my mom doesnt hate you” This is a scar that wont go away even if kyo is mentally healthy. Cuz death is the ultimate truth. He can never hear kyoko’s affirming her love for him, he’ll have to trust in it based on their earlier interaction together. Tohru is powerfully & stubbornly taking away most of his pain by affirming her acknowledge of her mom. You might disagree kyo, you might still feel a bit guilty, it might haunt you sometimes. but me? NO. Never. Mom loved you. She meant ONLY good. Hopefully my determination heals you bit by bit, & it DOES. Kyo stands bravely, confidently & happily in front of kyoko’s grave & instead of saying “ i apologize for hurting you, or tohru, I’m sorry, forgive me”. he tells her he’ll keep their promise & protect tohru for life! he literally proposed there in front of her mom & all. T_T

-Kyoko’s Words: ( Sometimes, you don’t get to know the whole truth & that’s okay):

Can’t describe how much I love this part. This is the most painful yet important lesson in furuba. Life isn’t a movie where the entire truth is exposed to the characters or the audience. Sometimes you live & die without getting to know an important truth, hearing a much needed confirmation, or getting a loved one’s forgiveness. There are things in our life that we just can’t get back no matter how much we tried. What we do, then? die? despair? throw away what we DO have in our hands for this lost truth no matter how important it was to us? No, we do the only thing we can. Live. Not just go thro life’s motion, but really live. Accept the good & the bad. This is so goddamn easy & difficult as hell too!

-Kyo not knowing kyoko’s words at that time was tragic. It was so tragic it sent kyo into a suicidal descent into the abyss. The wounds of his mom’s death that were slowly healing with kazuma’s care got re-opened & poured blood! The old destructive habits became full force, The toxic coping habits returned with its ugliness. I can’t kill myself literally? I’ll do it figuratively. trapped, caged, destroyed, eyes shut, ears closed, only seeing his pain. Kyo is us. All of us in any moment of true crushing despair. He could never bring the dead back, hear their loving words or ask forgiveness. Thro kyo, the author is telling us... I know. You had your moment of lost truth, didn’t you? I know. IT IS OKAY. live, my child. your pain is valid, let it take its course, but afterwards live bravely.

-Kyo’s path towards healing is: the ugliest cuz it hurt tohru of all ppl, the longest cuz he was the last one to move on, the bloodiest cuz he’ll never have the ppl he lost, the rockiest cuz he failed & failed, the most frustrating cuz he repeated his mistakes over & over, He couldnt even do it alone. needed intervention & support. He lost hope. completely. But it is okay even if you fell as deep as kyo: stand up. even if you never learned the truth: let go. even if you were the last one to learn or heal: it isn’t a race. Embrace life with its good & bad & continue as kyoko said “ you fought well”

-Kyoko’s parting plea to her daughter broke my heart into pieces. Death is ugly, but death is a truth that we can’t escape. The leaving ones is hurting as much as the ones left behind, but hopefully, the leaving ones will find a happiness a kin to the ones left behind. yuki’s "say a prayer & move one, one step at a time” is all you can do.

-Kyoko was: a gangster who hurt others (ugly path), repented, married & had a daughter (fulfilling path), widowed & left her daughter while grieving (ugly path), came back, repented & tried to raise tohru well, love her enough! (fulfilling path), died & left her young high school daughter all alone (heartbreaking path) but she accepted that the last path isn’t sth she can fight, prayed, & accepted her fate~

-Kyoko~~ “ you fought well” while you were alive~ you really did! The Tohru you left behind helped a whole clan & hopefully readers as well! you tohru is loved by an entire generation of readers & anime watchers. Tohru is so precious & I can’t stop crying~

Side Notes:

Timeline is super messy & confusing. (a) Tohru’s hospital discharge, kyoru’s hug & curse break for everybody all happened at the (late) afternoon. While curse was breaking, akito was wearing her white kimono & she cried until tohru hugged her on sunset. (b) Before tohru’s hospital shigure’s face was scar-less. we first saw the scar in the afternoon & he was wearing his kimono.

Now the flashback, Akito wearing her outfit from her talk with the maid (which also happened while kyo was talking to his dad which is on the same day) & shigure wearing suit & it’s sunset time??????? How can the sunset happen before the curse break on the afternoon? She inflected the scars on the sunset, how did he have them on the afternoon of the same day?? both changed outfits which is even weirder??? Someone help me put things on order. Or is order not important? If the sequence of events isn’t important, then, why did it have to happen on the curse break day??? Shigure could’ve had his scars a day or two before tohru’s discharge.

Also the OP started in the middle of yuki’s scene which was so odd!

No big deal, but I still feel that yuki’s curse break would’ve been thematically powerful last ep. Especially after seeing The Zodiac Ruler come & collect the spirits. The legend would've been wrapped powerfully on the same ep where it was told. We see the zodiacs’ original story & we see its closure. It would’ve made tohru/akito’s hug more symbolic. An end of an era to akito & to them all. Real Goodbye to the zodiac animals, but now we had a goodbye & a half. lol.

Is yuki the only one seeing the cursed spirit? He looked down at it? I dont remember the others looking down where an animal would be? Is yuki’s curse special? different? He got all the ropes/bonds around him? I really thought yuki’s theme is all abt desiring to be normal & despising the “special” treatment that haunted him even in school.

Momiji/ kagura /kyo interaction is cute!

Haru/Yuki/ Isuzu interaction is cute as well. XD

Kagura, girl, you used to have best fashion, what’s up with jeans under knee length dress?! lol.

I’ll be honest. It is a lost opportunity that machi weren't made to question how teen-tohru is yuki’s mom. That would’ve solidified her as a unique stand alone character if she were to discuss it with yuki. Tohru being yuki’s mom figure is not normal, otherwise yuki’s entire dilemma of figuring out his feelings for tohru would’ve become meaningless. Having machi quickly “understand” it is a bit weird. But it helps the plot move quickly, I guess. ( it reminds me of Arisa hugging akito when she confessed stabbing kureno without questioning anything, it is weird, but you get the message that “ we aint got time for that~ gotta hop on the next plot).

I love that furuba subverted the old anime-trope of the entire happy cast staying together in one city/place & living exactly like they did in their teens except being married now! XD. It is so realistic that each character is now moving on their path of life~

Tohru wore a ring in her foreshadowing vision! SHE WORE A RING! My baby girl is a grown woman now~ T_T. I love tohru so much!~

Shigure/ akito & the last banquet is in my review part 2. I’ve been editing out any thoughts abt Shigure from my previous posts. I needed to see the whole picture first. I think can now talk abt them, I’m looking forward to the comments of the next part cuz I really really need to see if I understood it or if i’m off.

#Fruits Basket #Anime Only #crying paper #proud paper!#tohru is just so precious!#final season #Part 1

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beca-mitchell · 4 years

Photo

i wondered if i could come home (yours is the first face that i saw) (1/1)

Summary: Chloe works in New York. Beca works in LA. The quarantine brings them together virtually. God Bless technology.

Word count: 4,335

Read below or on AO3.

Beca had initially been ridiculously excited about the prospect of staying home. She hated dressing up just to go and sit, spaced out at her laptop.

Now she has free rein to just wear whatever the fuck she wants while spaced out from the comfort of her own home.

A quick glance around however indicates that there isn’t much to call home anyway. When Beca had moved to Los Angeles with nothing more than her laptop, twenty USBs packed with remixes and original music, and a luggage full of clothes, she had pretty much expected this.

This being the whole struggling artist thing. Her father had advised against it, her step-mother had advised against it (not like Beca really was planning on listening), and her mother was—

Well.

Beca would rather not think about it. Of course, she wouldn’t.

But she did—it was all she could think about for those first few weeks in Los Angeles. Those first few months.

When she had first made the move, she had fantasized about her mother kissing in her on her head (a phantom memory if anything) and telling her how proud she was of her for chasing her dreams.

She had imagined her mother’s arm around her shoulder as they made that final descent into LAX.

She had imagined her mother’s proud smile when she had signed the papers for her first real job in the music industry—that breath of fresh air that really cemented in her memory that she had made it. She was there in the city of her dreams. She had moved across the country from Atlanta to Los Angeles.

But eventually, with time, after one let-down after another, Beca’s USB pile grew smaller and thinner and her job became less of a temporary thing and more of a full-time thing to keep her afloat.

Are you still proud of me? She wants to ask.

She can’t quite envision the look on her mother’s face—hell she can’t quite envision the look on her father’s face or even Sheila’s face—if she were to look around her small (but cozy) apartment.

Is this what you wanted for me? Beca wants to ask.

Change just doesn’t seem to come quick enough in a city with plenty of time to spare and too many hungry dreams to fulfil.

* * * * *

And then there’s this.

The whole quarantine mess.

It’s a form of change, Beca supposes. Maybe not quite the one she needs at that moment.

*New Notification from Outlook You have a new message

From: Aubrey Posen

CC: Chloe Beale

To: Beca Mitchell

Subject: HR and A&R Documents and Procedure — Microsoft Teams Meeting Request

Beca groans.

* * * * *

Being a producer isn’t bad. It lets Beca flex her creativity from time to time (very, very minimally) and she gets to say she’s worked on interesting musical projects.

Grumbling to herself, Beca settles down in her chair after wrestling with her hair and brush. She figures she looks moderately presentable. She even swapped out her sleep shirt for a non-sleep shirt for the purposes of this video conference.

She has no idea who Chloe Beale and Aubrey Posen are anyway, but she’s already moderately annoyed that they both insist on video conferencing when this quarantine has made evident that literally everything can be done via email.

Beca takes a calming breath. The raise is a good thing. It came at a good time. It’s a good thing to get a raise at a job she hates especially when the alternative would have been to be let go. If she has to deal with HR for the sake of this, she will.

Not like she can do anything else.

The call comes in almost as soon as Beca wheels her chair closer to her desk. She fumbles, picking up her headphones and hitting Accept.

“Hi,” Beca says, waving awkwardly at her screen. “Uh. Wow. Hi.”

Almost immediately, Beca wants to clamp a hand over her mouth. She settles on dropping her hand into her lap and clutching the fabric of her shirt to distract herself from the embarrassment rising in her.

The young woman splashed across her screen is incredibly pretty. Almost intimidatingly so. Striking red hair, loosely draped over her shoulders in comfortable waves. Soft-looking lips pulled into a gentle smile.

And her eyes—Christ, Beca thinks—her eyes are what draw Beca in the most. Startling blue. The clearest of blues that Beca has ever seen.

“Wow?” The woman smiles at Beca. “That’s quite the greeting.”

“Sorry,” Beca mumbles hastily. She ducks her head. “Surprised to still talk to people during all this, I guess,” she lies quickly. She figures saying “you’re hot” wouldn’t be the most appropriate thing to say despite how true it might be.

The red-head quirks an eyebrow at her. “I’m Chloe Beale, nice to meet you Beca Mitchell.”

Beca can’t fight the smile this time. Chloe’s voice is nice. It’s beautiful and melodic. “Hi Chloe. Nice to meet you,” Beca parrots back. “Weren’t there supposed to be like...two of you in this meeting?”

“Oh, yes!” Chloe chirps enthusiastically. “Aubrey will be joining us in just a second—oh there she is,” she says just as Aubrey’s profile image pops into Beca’s screen, cutting the size of Chloe’s face on her screen in half.

“Good morning, Beca.”

“Good morning, Aubre–”

“It’s technically afternoon for us, but anyway.”

Beca clamps her mouth shut, choosing to push her lips into a forced, polite smile. She catches a glimpse of Chloe coughing behind her hand, clearly stifling a laugh of her own.

“Did you want to run through some of the documents and responsibilities, Chloe?”

Chloe clears her throat, professional mask back in place. “Yes, sure. Well, Beca, as a senior producer—”

* * * * *

With half-open eyes, Beca drags herself from her bed the short distance to her desk. Foregoing her chair for the moment because she has no intent on actually sitting down yet, Beca opens her laptop and logs in to Outlook and Teams before opening Logic Pro X and GarageBand.

She has been working on some tracks for an up and coming artist as well as overseeing the production on an EP for a new artist signed to a label, so she’s kind of expecting a shitload of emails to start her day off. That can wait for the moment.

When she gets back to her computer, coffee mug in hand, Beca notices a notification marker on her applications.

*New Notification from Teams

Beca frowns. She’s not the usual recipient of messages ever. But when she sees who exactly messaged her, she can’t fight the grin. She puts her coffee down with some reluctance and opens the message fully.

Chloe Beale Hey sleepyhead, you’re finally up Thanks for sending the paperwork back yesterday

Beca Mitchell fyi i am three hours behind you timezones or something as aubrey would say

Chloe Beale Who doesn’t start their day at 6am?

Beca isn’t quite sure what to make of Chloe entirely. She’ll blame the echoing loneliness around her—loneliness being all she feels these days—but she would be lying if she weren’t totally and shallowly attracted to Chloe Beale.

But she barely knows her. In fact, Beca would go as far as to say she doesn’t know Chloe at all. Chloe could just be another faceless entity in the long string of entities in Beca’s life. Just another missed connection.

Beca sips her coffee, blinking blearily at her screen.

Beca Mitchell do you start your day at 6??

Chloe Beale It’s good for you!

Beca Mitchell coffee’s good for you

Chloe Beale i’m more of a tea drinker myself good for the voice

Beca Mitchell singer?

Chloe Beale used to be

Beca arches an eyebrow. She had known, from the sound of Chloe’s voice alone, that she was something special

(And sure, Aubrey had a nice voice too, but it had been used primarily to grate on Beca’s nerves so she’s choosing to look past it.)

Beca Mitchell whats the story there?

Chloe Beale Hmm maybe one day :)

Beca Mitchell all i have are days to spare for you

Beca hits send before she can regret it and immediately winces at how unexpectedly flirtatious it sounds. She moves to type a quick cover-up, but Chloe beats her in sending a message.

Chloe Beale i like the sound of that

Beca’s fingers hover over her keyboard. She can’t bring herself to admit the same thing, even though it’s true.

She does like the sound of that. Almost as much as she had liked the sound of Chloe’s voice.

* * * * *

It ends up being so easy to fall into a routine when Beca realizes that she has something to look forward to with each subsequent day.

A routine that perhaps even involves waking up earlier so she can spend more time sending Chloe dumb GIFs and debate the best bagel spreads.

It feels nice.

It feels like something Beca could get used to.

Even if Chloe is incessantly cheerful and ridiculously chipper at any given point of the day. Beca kind of likes it.

It reminds her of sunshine and a much-needed breath of fresh air.

There is the added bonus (or nightmare) of Chloe’s incessant need to abuse the video conference tool.

“Beca, make sure you have those documents signed. A&R needs them as soon as possible.”

“You couldn’t have messaged this to me? Or emailed?”

Chloe grins, blindingly so. Beca doesn’t even try to look away.

“Where’s the fun in that?”

Beca tugs at the collar of her shirt (another new shirt) unconsciously before she realizes what she’s doing and drops her hand away. “And you’d know all about fun, would you?”

“Maybe.”

Beca shakes her head, mostly to hide the smile that rises on her face.

“Nice shirt by the way.”

* * * * *

Okay, fine.

Even that isn’t something that Beca finds herself annoyed with.

* * * * *

Beca bites her lip, hitting SEND before she can stop herself. The email flies away from her, an email detailing a request to video conference with Chloe for some dumb, made-up reason.

Well, no, there’s an actual reason and it’s that Beca wants to hear Chloe’s voice. That’s a good enough reason.

*You have a new Outlook Notification. Chloe Beale has Accepted Your Invitation.

Beca smiles.

* * * * *

Chloe Beale I’ve always wanted to visit Los Angeles

Beca Mitchell Come over here then!

Chloe Beale Maybe once this is all over

Beca Mitchell Oh right

Beca Mitchell Well if you ever need a place to stay…

Beca starts to sweat. She thinks about deleting her message, but what good would that do? Chloe has already seen it.

“Fuck,” she mutters aloud and promptly chooses to chicken out.

Beca Mitchell I know a lot of people who’d love to have you and i’ll bring you to all the best spots around town You know, me being an expert and all hahaha

“Fuck why did you say that?” Beca asks herself, resisting the urge to slam her laptop closed. She winces when she notices her unfinished work in the background.

She’s kind of more focused on the little indicator showing that Chloe has seen her message and the subsequent lack of response.

She is unfortunately sorely disappointed by Chloe’s response, despite her own attempts at haphazardly diffusing the situation.

Chloe Beale Sounds awesome!

Right, Beca mulls to herself. There hadn’t been a situation to begin with.

She lets the disappointment carry her through the rest of the day. The disappointing feeling—It is familiar but somehow more striking.

* * * * *

The thing about Chloe is that she makes everything easy. She never makes Beca feel bad about asking too many questions and she never makes Beca feel totally lame for taking up her time. She assures Beca that it’s fine—that she doesn’t mind at all. It makes Beca feel like a rockstar for about two seconds before she remembers that it’s Chloe’s literal job to be kind and nice to people she works with.

Right.

They’re technically coworkers. Just that. Nothing more.

And then there’s the whole...is Chloe even attracted to women conundrum. It is nice to think that Chloe is attracted to women—that Chloe would be attracted to her of all people.

It’s just such a big what if question.

(And of course the “we live 3000 miles away” issue. That issue.)

There is a strange underpinning of something else—something that Beca can’t quite place. It sends a swooping sensation through her stomach when she thinks about it. The past month or so of communicating with Chloe was rife with tense, interesting moments that make Beca second-guess herself every time.

Barring the times when she word vomits all over herself, Beca is surprised that she’s maintained a connection with Chloe for this long.

* * * * *

The dreams start near the end of the first month of knowing each other.

The awkward part about waking up from a dream about somebody she’s never even met in person is that Beca has no idea how to conduct herself. She barely knows how to do it in-person—conduct herself—let alone doing it online.

She tries to settle on something to occupy her mind while she works through some musical/creative block.

Her fingers type in chloe beale into Google before she can help herself.

“Fuck it,” Beca whispers, hitting enter.

She is surprised by the breadth of hits that Google returns to her. Interesting ones, nonetheless. She learns in short order that Chloe does voice acting on the side. Nothing overtly taxing, but it pleases Beca that Chloe has somewhat of a creative streak. She notes a few well-known animated series and some other gigs here and there.

An old YouTube video catches her attention.

Acapella Finals 2011

Beca can’t stop the grin that stretches across her face when she recognizes Chloe, red hair and all, front and center and singing.

She knew Chloe was a singer at heart.

She pulls up her chat before she can stop herself.

Beca Mitchell *pasted link* I see

Chloe Beale Oh my god!

Beca Mitchell Google knows all

Chloe Beale You were Googling me?

Beca’s smile drops. “Shit, uh—”

Chloe Beale Kidding! i googled you too. Didn’t think you were a taylor swift girl. All those remixes… <3

Beca blushes before she can stop herself. That had been a brief foray of fame—literally five minutes—when Taylor Swift herself had linked to one of Beca’s remixes. Beca hadn’t been savvy enough to capitalize on that in any way, however.

Beca Mitchell oh those... I wish i had more original things to say

Chloe Beale Your music is beautiful, just like you are I mean that in a totally non-weird way of course

Beca isn’t quite sure they’re saying the same things, but maybe they are. Chloe’s unwavering faith in her feels wholly misplaced more often than not.

But it’s nice.

This is nice.

Beca lets a smile consume her.

Beca Mitchell Flattery will get you everywhere

Chloe Beale That’s the hope

Beca Mitchell Back to acapella… i was wondering if i could pick your mind for an idea i had for this track i’m working on

* * * * *

The transition to Facetime and phone calls as opposed to Teams video conferencing was a fairly recent one. Beca discovered that Chloe is an equally eager texter. Emojis and all.

“Your voice somehow sounds better over FaceTime audio,” Chloe teases.

“I was going to say the same,” Beca replies before she can stop herself. Her heart flutters. “I wasn’t the one in acapella in college, after all.”

“Oh you would have fit right in. I would have whipped you into shape, I’m pretty sure. Or maybe you would have helped us win instead. Being as talented as you are and all.”

“I wish I could have known you then,” Beca says bravely.

“You would have changed my life,” Chloe admits. She says it with a smile, but there is no hint of a joke in Chloe’s tone. “I don’t sing anymore,” she finally says. “Not after that last acapella competition. The one you sent me.”

“Oh, why not? Your voice is…” Beca trails off, struggling to find words. For all the time she spends with music—literally layering vocals and instrumentals—she cannot understand how she cannot find appropriate words to describe how Chloe’s voice makes her feel. “I’m sorry...I’m usually better at this. Why don’t you sing anymore?”

“I had to have surgery for my nodes in my senior year of university. I’ve been too afraid to sing again.”

That breaks Beca’s heart more than anything. “But your voice is okay now,” she says lamely.

“I haven’t really had an opportunity to sing again. Working for B&R Records is the closest I can get to the music industry. Not that I ever thought I’d sing professionally or anything.” Chloe sighs, then her voice softens even more. “I admire you so much for pursuing your dreams, Beca. You’re so much better than you know. I’ve listened to your stuff.”

Beca swallows.

Her heart isn’t fluttering.

It is racing, almost uncontrollably.

* * * * *

They talk for hours.

Beca tries not to think about it as she wakes up to her phone pressed against her cheek uncomfortably and the faintest memory of Chloe humming something hauntingly familiar.

“Shit,” she mutters, realizing that her heart has yet to stop thudding with the force of emotions she feels.

* * * * *

*Google search history

online dating

quarantine dating

flights to New York

amazon delivery time

online dating in quarantine

relationships in covid-19

online date ideas

* * * * *

*iMessage Notification

From Chloe Beale install netflix party!

Beca Mitchell Already did! waiting on you...

* * * * *

Chloe ends up being the person Beca calls when she receives yet another change request for the track she had been working on. She isn’t allowed to move on to another track until this artist is absolutely pleased with the track and Beca understands how contracts works and stuff, but holy shit, she’s had it up to her damn forehead with Pimp Lo and his incessant demands to keep his music trashy (Beca’s professional opinion).

“I want to quit,” Beca declares to Chloe. She knows Chloe is done with work for the day even though Beca has about an hour or so left in her “shift” (she has decided time is a construct and she’s signing out for the day due to creative differences).

“Don’t quit,” Chloe says quickly. “And um...don’t tell me that. Professional responsibility and all.”

She says it with a joking tone, but it still stings ever so slightly for Beca. The reminder that she and Chloe are coworkers and nothing more. She’s sure she’s going to hear even less from Chloe as time goes on and when everything kind of goes back to “normal”.

But she kind of doesn’t want to stop talking to Chloe.

“It’s just annoying,” Beca complains.

“Oh honey, I know,” Chloe sympathizes. Beca warms at the term of endearment.

“Beca, your music is good,” Chloe promises earnestly. “I’ve listened to a lot of music over the past few years I’ve been working here...just promise me you won’t give up, okay?”

Unexpected anger wells up in Beca. She identifies frustration, annoyance, and some measure of pain—all of which have to do largely with this entire situation. Somehow, she manages to tamp it all down and focuses on the sincerity of Chloe’s voice.

“I just don’t want to...have my ideas shot down like this anymore,” she finally murmurs, taking a breath to steady herself.

“I know,” Chloe promises. “It won’t always be like that though.”

“I’ve been out here for a year. Verging on two.”

“I know,” Chloe repeats, sincere understanding in her tone. “And it sucks that Hollywood just eats people up and just...I don’t know. Spits them back out like that. But...you’re special. I know you are.”

Beca shudders with her own attempt to stifle a sob. “And that’s your professional HR opinion?” she asks, trying to make it sound more like a joke so Chloe doesn’t take it badly.

Chloe scoffs, then lets out a giggle. Beca wishes more than anything she could see her face. “Yes, that is absolutely my professional HR opinion and I think you should take it. I don’t come cheap.”

It’s less than what Beca hoped for. She had hoped for something a bit more—something closer to the kind of reassurance Chloe had been giving her over the past little while. This feels like two steps backwards.

“I wish I could see you,” Beca blurts.

Chloe doesn’t say anything for a moment. A moment too long. Beca’s face heats embarrassingly quickly. She is so thankful that she is alone in her apartment.

“I’m sorry,” Beca apologizes. “That was weird. And I didn’t mean to make things weird. I’m not weird, I promise. Maybe a little. But not like that.”

Chloe laughs. “Beca, it’s okay. I know what you meant. Or what you mean.” She laughs again, this time sounding more breathless. “It’s just...I guess it’s just late and we should probably...table this for another day.”

Beca’s heart plummets.

“We don’t have to table anything,” Beca says quickly, stung by the rejection. “Forget I said anything.”

“Beca—”

“Goodnight, Chloe.”

* * * * *

*iMessage Notification From Chloe Beale Beca, are you okay?

*iMessage Notification From Chloe Beale Call me when you can

* * * * *

Beca notices she has a request from HR for a video conference. There are no other details, but she knows it’s from Chloe. Her stomach tenses uncomfortably as she stares at the words on her screen. The conference is set up from about five minutes from now so she has about five minutes to get her shit together.

She hadn’t meant to ignore Chloe, she had just been a bit too absorbed into her work (as a way to avoid Chloe).

But she isn’t mad with the music she’s been making recently. She probably has Chloe to thank for that. For being an inspirational source.

She can do this.

She looks around, taking a deep breath as she takes stock of everything that she has in her apartment. Her eyes land on something by her window and she goes to grab it.

She returns to her computer just in time for the call.

“Hi,” Beca says, blinking into her computer screen. “Hi, Chloe, is everything—”

“You know, radio silence is probably the worst way to woo somebody.”

Beca thinks she might still be asleep. “Sorry?”

Chloe seems to be fighting a smile. “You don’t even know how cute you are, do you?”

“I’m not cute,” Beca says automatically.

“You are. In a hot way.”

“In a hot way,” Beca echoes. She grins. “Are you calling me hot?”

“I saw you checking me out that first day. Obvious even through webcam.”

“Oh.”

“I didn’t mind. I...never minded. Which is what makes this so hard,” Chloe says, lowering her head a little. She worries her lower lip between her teeth, leaning closer to her camera. “This is so weird and so hard. I didn’t expect to just...fall for somebody while we’re all just trying to figure out how to make things okay again, you know?”

“So…” Beca swallows, wondering if this is the appropriate forum for what she’s sure is about to come out of Chloe’s mouth.

“I like you,” Chloe admits. “I think you’re brave and talented and incredible. And there’s so much we still have to learn about each other, but I have been driving myself crazy thinking about how much I want to kiss you.” Chloe clears her throat and holds up a small pot of pretty, purple flowers. “These are for you. I couldn’t really go to the store to get a fresh bunch. But um. If I could, I would.”

Oh.

“Isn’t this against company policy?” Beca croaks out. She can’t quite believe what she’s seeing. “Like can’t they see everything? Even videos?”

Chloe shrugs. “I don’t care. Not really. Look around, Beca. Nobody really cares anymore. I just wanted to talk to you.”

Beca covers her face with her hand. “This is super embarrassing.”

Chloe giggles. “Oh stop. I’m the one literally holding out flowers to my screen.”

“No, it’s just—” Beca holds up the potted plant she had stolen from her windowsill. “Here. I brought this for you too.”

Chloe gasps. “A cactus? You shouldn’t have.”

There is a brief silence before they dissolve into giggles. It makes Beca feel the most complete and whole that she has in while.

“I’m sorry, by the way.”

“Were we even in a fight?” Beca asks aloud.

“No,” Chloe admits. “I just...thought I scared you off.”

“I think I scared myself off.” Beca crinkles her nose as she frowns. “If that makes sense.”

“That makes a lot of sense. I think it’s the most sensible thing you’ve said so far.”

* * * * *

Eventually, the time comes where Beca can go outside again.

Beca knows what it means to have sunshine on her face. There is no shortage of it in Los Angeles.

There is no shortage of palm trees, of warm wind, of endless beach views.

There is no shortage of too many dreams and too little opportunities for those dreams to come true.

But this—the excited yelp Chloe lets out when she pushes off the pillar she had been leaning against and the solid weight of Chloe’s body nestled firmly against her own as her arms loop easily around Beca’s neck—this is so much better than anything Beca could have dreamed for herself.

She can feel her mother’s smile, warm like the gentlest of sunrises against the back of her neck. She can feel the weight of a new pile of USBs in her bag and a fresh outlook on life.

“I’m so happy you’re here,” Chloe whispers, her voice real and solid and there.

“Me too,” is all Beca can say.

She kisses Chloe like it’s the first day of the rest of her life.

fin.

#bechloe #weeklybechloe #anna kendrick #brittany snow #pitch perfect #fanfiction #beca mitchell #chloe beale #gif #my fanfic #mine #text #queue

293 notes · View notes

need-a-new-hobby · 4 years

Text

the descent into hell isn’t easy

s1 ep 2

so i got 2 notes on my last post so imma keep going

did simon just compare jace to mick jagger?!? HA!

did clary just say that she thinks jocelyn is at the center of their war?!? WhAt? look, i get that this girl wants to find her mom, but assuming that the entire shadowhunter race (also they call themselves a race) is fighting over her mom is just... idek what to call it? Arrogance? Naïveté?

also did noone think to bring the body inside?

i swear alec is so done with jace and his mundanes. his entire thing is just ‘another one?’

i’m sorry, i think my eyes just rolled down the back of my skull with the whole ‘best friends’ thing.

can i just point out that matthew daddario is just watching isabell flirt with simon with such amusement? it’s adorable.

my god, i forgot that they torture their tutor to get info on the circle. i know hodge deserves this later, but seriously, how could clace do that?

‘i hate to make you suffer like this.’ are y’all serious? she’s borderline torturing this guy for info. somehow she makes me angrier by apologising.

also this kinda thing is so classic. ofc none of them know their own violent history. did no-one bother to find out growing up? i hate to say this but if clary’s right about one thing, it’s the insanity behind not knowing their own history.

also, this scene is one of the first that made me sorta dislike clary. rewatching it just makes me angrier.

‘what is a g. i. joe?’ them not knowing clary and simon’s pop culture references is the funniest. refer to mick jagger above

also where the hell was she planning to go? and clary’s explanation of what a g.i. joe is is kinda off. i always assumed a g. i. joe was like an all-american hero (see steve rogers)

yikes! clary stepped on mom issues. i have no empathy/sympathy for her, she needs to calm down

‘in the shadow world, no training and no plan gets you killed’ - the first sane thing i’ve heard jace say all season.

kay, jace has got to be some kinda genius to go from ‘my memory’s blank’ to ‘your memory’s been wiped’. my memory goes blank all the time. i don’t remember what i had for dinner last night.

one more implausible thing, how doesn’t she know what a warlock is? i mean she’s 18, it’s 2016, has she not heard of Harry Potter, or LOTR for that matter? she’s simon’s best friend, she has to have come across it at some point in time.

kay, first of all, we all saw dot fall through a window about maybe 10 ft high, crack her neck on a fence and fall on the pavement. how is she still alive?

also, i know luke’s meant to be a good guy and all, but he literally just treated dot like crap considering all she’s been through. and insinuating that she can’t be trusted when he himself was a circle member is just plain discrimination.

also, she gets it. ‘if anyone can help, it’s magnus bane’. i get it, my baby is super powerful, but please don’t get him killed. i can already sense the magnus bane sass™️

izzy’s so pretty! and her hair is flawless. but the way she says ‘he’s the ultimate protector’, i just can’t

btw, love the inclusion of the ‘izzy can’t cook’ gag from the books. but kinda implausible that she can make porridge but completely burns toast. nvm, the porridge looks nasty (sorry, iz, i still love you though, bad porridge and all)

can i just ask that if jocelyn fray’s real name is fairchild, why would searching her pseudonym come up as restricted? also, hodge very conveniently forgot to tell them that jocelyn was married to valentine or that her real name was fairchild. that’s just sloppy.

also luke’s friendship with his boss is so pleasing to watch (terrible phrasing i know) i mean so often female captains are seen as these stoic, always angry and fierce officers with terrible relationships with their underlings. it’s nice to see her joking around with a colleague.

clary’s uncomfortability with izzy’s clothing is canon, but she’s basically wearing a camisole. it’s a lot less revealing that izzy’s regular clothes. at least there’s no slutshaming! plus she’s gonna be wearing a jacket on top, but ofc everyone’s comfort levels are different.

I’m so glad that Clary and Izzy are both so positive towards each other. I mean compared to the books, not that bad

‘do you know how to fight demons?’ to ‘i’m an internet search away.’ simon’s the best. 😍😍

i mean, who in their right mind would approve the mission? sure, they’re not teenagers, but they’re messing with Valentine, for crying out loud. besides, we all know how much the clave prioritises down and out warlocks.

‘little girl’

‘clave thing,’ someone needs to educate this selfish matchstick. first of all, she can’t expect alec to turn his back on the clave, they need the clave’s resources to keep the institute running. second of all, she doesn’t really need to go. think about it, if alec, jace and izzy can track down a shapeshifter to a nightclub, they can handle a warlock. besides, she’d just be dead weight anyway. i just hate that clary doesn’t get better than this.

haha, alec’s salt kills me. ‘well, since you have all the answers...’

oh, so she’s not gonna explain the vision giving gemstone lolling around her neck? fuuun

‘you were kidding about the runes on the floor killing me right?’ alec’s smile aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. i love one grumpy cat smile so much. also this is like his first smile in the 2 eps

sorry, but magnus’s face when dot grabs his arm, just like ‘bitch who do you think you are?’

instant priorities people. see, magnus understands the concepts of ‘risk’, ‘danger’ and ‘consequences’, unlike one matchstick i won’t name. (“I’ve been busy trying to save our people from certain death”)

hahaha, the foreshadowing -> “are you really gonna risk your life for a shadowhunter?” - this is why magnus is my fave.

okay, couple really weird things i have to point out. first off, clary sucks at running. i get that running in heels is hard, i can’t even walk in them, but i can’t believe that the entire institute doesn’t have one good pair of sneakers. second, alec is just walking in the back, that’s how slow they’re going. third, are they seriously just following clary around the club on some strange whim instead of attacking the club strategically?

but seriously, her running though. her arms are just waggling around. seriously, guys, sneakers.

kay, clary is way too hyper right now. alec never said they were giving up, just that it wasn’t safe and they had to get back to the institute. which is absolutely true, if circle members are after dot in pandemonium, they’re probably in the vicinity

im sorry, but watching alec and izzy know exactly what jace is planning with the silent brothers and in sync just going ‘jace, no’

‘a process that can also kill you, so there’s that.’ i mean, what’s the downside?

‘your bedside manner is abysmal’ - kay, i’m still kinda pissed off rn so that’s probably coming across here, but dude, you are both adults and she needs to know the risks involved. how tf was he supposed to say that...not abysmally? sorry, im a big alec defender. i think its an older sibling thing.

wait, 18 rules? damn, jace has to have like a record or something. i reckon 18′s probably exaggerating. i’d guess at 10, maybe 12.

hold up, he’s asking clary to decide whether she should get her memories wrenched out of her by the silent brothers w/o knowing the risks involved? not a sound decision.

why is she so fucking smug towards alec? it’s kinda hard to see at first, you have to replay it a couple times. maybe it’s just me cuz im writing this late at night but her attitude towards alec really gets under my skin.

also, i think satan is on simon’s van. that’s not at all disconcerting

also, why is this all happening at night? and wasn’t isabelle making breakfast before?

‘are you kidding? i was born afraid.’ first of all, mood. second of all, proof why simon is my child.

tbh, i really wanted to see a better brotherhood between jace and alec. like, it is still better than in the books, where jace practically ignores alec’s existence until he gets injured by Abaddon. (a moment i wish was in the tv show, but too complicated, i understand.) but i think in this scene, where they discuss the steps they’re taking, you kind of see the chemistry between them. well, not really chemistry, maybe more just their relationship.

first off, alec tries explaining to jace that even though clary’s made the decision, they’re responsible for her wellbeing, something that isn’t in the book. i really appreciate this bit, primarily because you see why alec is so fussy about missions. as the season progresses, you see the kind of pressures that are on him, something that makes me hate clary all the more

second, jace counters this by giving him the bigger picture. this is a step they need to take to find valentine. i think that’s something the books don’t give you either. you kinda start seeing that without jace, alec gets stuck on the minor details i.e. rules, stipulations etc. and without alec, jace wouldn’t be able to calculate the risks of each decision, which i think is key to understanding them as parabatai.

third, alec’s soft little ‘you were never a stray’ tugs at my heartstrings every time. jace really is family to them, a brother for them and i love that he sort of forces that down; that despite their last names, despite their bloodlines, they will always be brothers, a sentiment i absolutely adore

haha, jace c*ckblocking simon since 2016

i’m still not over the notion that valentine is holed up in chernobyl, of all places. i am really glad though that they didn’t follow the trope of the US being like the only country in the world, or New York being the only city on the planet.

did i mention how confused i am that dot is still alive?

yeah, did not miss jace’s arrogance

‘kay despite the fact that i hate everything about her, i have to commend clary on how much she loves her mom. i mean, i know a lot of people who wouldn’t do the same. and despite the fact that jocelyn lied to her for 12 years (based on what she tells magnus later on) she’s still willing to do whatever it takes.

‘you’re clary freaking fray, you can do anything.’ cue alec eye-rolling in the back. look, it’s not that i have anything against simon and clary being vocal about their bff status, it’s just that a) i would never talk to my best friend like that and b) it is thoroughly making me cringe

kay, i’ve rewatched this scene a dozen times and here’s what i noticed

‘i have seen every horror movie ever and the funny best friend who gets left behind...dead man’

cue isabelle laughing

jace: you’re not that funny

alec is just so done with these f*cking mundanes. “the rune energy will kill any mundane that dares to enter, so please.” motions for the mundie to keep going.

kay, before i keep going, i’ve noticed this post is going on for a bit, and re-reading, i feel like i have to clarify why i dislike jace’s arrogance but not alec’s. i think it’s mainly because jace’s arrogance stems from a need to be superior to others, which is common with victims of child abuse, or so i’ve read. knowing this makes it a little harder to hate him, but this kind of behaviour, while is justifiable, often leads to them tearing down another person’s self-worth, which you can kind of see in the books. alec’s arrogance mainly stems from being exhausted from dealing with other people’s bullshit, which i can’t really dislike. i’m an older sibling myself, so i kinda know what he goes through dealing with siblings and such. you’ll see with the next point.

‘talk about sacrifice, i’m missing a financial analysis class.’ first off, what kind of class starts in the middle of the night? second, i’d rather be in the city of bones than in financial analysis. third, i feel alec’s exasperation.

‘yeah, i can’t be around this, so imma mind the perimeter.’ *gestures to simon’s entire body*

i dunno why clary’s hugging simon like that, it’s not like he’s the one going down there. i’m gonna move on before i overanalyse and come up with more ways why i don’t like clary

izzy keeps making simon uneasy and I LIVE FOR THESE MOMENTS

aight, imma keep it honest, i skipped the whole city of bones/clace section the first time cuz they’re so boring. but it’s pretty much just jace making stupid jokes and clary being kinda whiny.

‘looking better in black than the widows of our enemies.’ a line that lives rent-free in my head.

also, he keeps saying she’s a shadowhunter now, but she hasn’t done much shadowhunting. she doesn’t even know what the clave is

aand now they’re holding hands. great. very professional y’all.

silent brothers. looking creepy since the dawn of nephilim. but for my book stans, where’s brother smackariah?

imma be honest, i feel bad for the silent brothers. i mean, they’ve devoted themselves completely to the shadowhunter profession, mutilated themselves for the attainment of knowledge, and yet, the first thing that comes to mind is fear instead of admiration. yikers.

“if you are not strong enough, the soul sword will kill you.” this show needs to stop getting my hopes up

“it literally never stops talking.” i love alec with all my heart.

i know i shouldn’t but it’s so funny that they keep referring to simon as ‘it’

“my father is valentine.” cue matchstick running.

alec is the only sane person on this team. how is he the only one that doubts clary’s loyalty? i mean, i’ll admit he could have phrased it better, but book!Alec is canon for being straightforward so i’m shrugging it off. jace should’ve been a leetle understanding and for once, i think clary’s reaction towards alec was justified. finding out she’d valentine’s daughter, and then being accused of espionage isn’t a fortunate series of events. but alec is correct in his own right. as head of the institute, he needs to make sure. again, he’s always mindful of the consequences behind his actions. even when simon is kidnapped, he doesn’t act rashly, even though no-one would blame him for sticking an arrow through Raphael for kidnapping Simon. (don’t get me wrong, i love raphael.) but he doesn’t, keeping the accords in mind. they’d all be screwed if they broke the law, and alec would be held responsible.

that’s all folks. tune in tomorrow for episode 3

#shadowhunters #the mortal instruments #anti clary fray #anti clary fairchild #anti clary #alec lightwood #Jace Herondale #jace wayland #jace #alec #izzy #simon lewis #isabelle lightwood #clary fairchild

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silver-lily-louise · 4 years

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Shadowhunters Rewatch! Episode 1x02: The Descent into Hell isn’t Easy

- The descent into hell isn’t easy but it’s easiER when you have cramps and there’s a plumber opposite your bedroom again lmao Let’s do this

- Damn Jace no need to be RUDE

- I really love the dilapidated church cover thing btw

- See the tech was something that bothered my sister about the series, she preferred the more medieval feel of the first book and movie. Personally I love it lmao but then again I’m more of a sci fi nerd than her

- I totally forgot the misinformation thing they did after the revolt ew. What kind of coverup bullshit

- Lol early Sizzy moment #godbless

- I feel like this whole ‘runes on the floor will kill mundanes’ thing is underutilised in the future… may have to use it in a fic lol

- HA I forgot they made Izzy’s lack of cooking skills show-canon as well lol

- Additionally Alec’s character development is very interesting to me in a ‘wtf did Magnus see in s1 Alec’ kind of way, so I’m starting a separate list to try and track his motivations and biases and stances to see how they shift. Probably gonna do the same thing for Maryse bc I buy her redemption but I can’t quite pinpoint WHY I do (except my favourite thing is when people are nice to Magnus lmao)

- OH LOOK IT’S HODGE. FUCK U HODGE (ahem. Moving on)

- (Main shadowhunter squad looking around their parents) Isn’t there ANYONE HERE WHO WASN’T A FUCKING TERRORIST??? (Shh Louise we only know Jocelyn and Luke so far)

- Clary I get that you feel bad but apologising once was enough, Hodge is a big boy who can make his own decisions lol

- ‘What is a GI Joe’ lmao

- ‘No training and no plan gets you killed’ I think that’s interesting, because it speaks to Jace’s idea that as long as he trains hard enough and have a plan, things’ll work out.

- I thought it was pretty cold of Clary to seriously consider Jace’s ‘what if Dot is working for Valentine’ point, but then again LUKE has turned on her as far as she knows so I guess that’s a reasonable amount of suspicion

- Izzy looks so proud of herself aw bless

- ‘Jace is the ultimate protector’ oh no oh help I’m having smol-boy-Jace-Wayland-carving-himself-an-identity feelings

- I just noticed the runes drifting in the background of the UI all Matrix-style lol. Can u believe Shadowhunters tried to tell us that WARLOCKS were the #extra ones lmao

- ‘A little too much in my opinion’ imagine thinking Izzy is straight lol couldn’t be me

- ‘He’s in good hands with the boys’ oh POOR Simon XD

- LOOK at the connection between these two. I’m love them. Can u believe they were already kindred souls BEFORE becoming parabatai, truly beautiful

- oKAY canon divergence I want::: Simon leaving without a hitch, googling how to kill demons and FIGURING IT OUT. He comes back for Clary and now the gang have this mundane demon-killer on side lol, and Alec’s all like ‘he’s a fucking MUNDANE he can’t be here in Shadowhunter business learning secrets and getting himself killed’ and Izzy’s like ‘he killed four demons wtf you worried about bro???’

- Seelie scouts??? The Clave really will make a show of unity when it suits them huh

- They were KIDDING about the floor runes are you KIDDING me XD I figured it was just a continuity problem lmao (also I know they’re being dickheads but that little smirk between Jace and Alec is maybe the first time we properly see them as a brotherly team aha)

- Okay but with hindsight you can really tell this whole cold demeanour ISN’T Magnus. His mannerisms are SCREAMING ‘coping mechanism in a time of crisis’ rn

- That being said if Dot’s magic is dangerously low I bet he regretted leaving her behind alone and vulnerable, she’s a grown woman who can make her own choices but it’s kiiiind of a dick move especially since he entreated her with sarcasm instead of earnestness to try and convince her to come with

- It continues to be exceedingly funny that Pandemonium is never mentioned outside of S1, when it’s painted almost as Magnus’ MAIN job in that. I mean it kind of makes sense that we see his public face in this beginning and his more personal details later on – the warlock stuff, the clients and politics that are more ‘core’ to his job and identity – but still. Not even MENTIONED, I don’t think. XD

- All of them stepping out of the van… Scooby Doo vibes lol WHERE is my mystery-solving AU with these five???? Do I have to write all of my unvoiced fanfic ideas myself??? Unbelievable

- Clary talking about the void she felt… I’m not crying about 3x22 you are

- ‘Wasteful warlock life’ Valentine. My dude. She has CENTURIES to learn and love and travel and experience, and you’re wasting your handful of decades on racism But go off I guess lmao (loser)

- I know the liquid is bad but also there is a HUGE bubble in that syringe. Valentine how is she gonna be useful to you after a mahoosive stroke

- Random shot of the moon. I mean I love her but WHAT ‘Look it’s night-time!!!! Spooooooky!!!!’ XD

- Okay Izzy is halfway-smitten, lbr. She and Simon fit so well okay

- ‘I can’t be here anymore’ Listen s1 Alec is a serious, grumpy lil shit but he DOES have a sense of humour okay

- Jace LET THEM HUG :C

- ‘We carry it to remind us that light can be found in even the darkest of places’ Jace stfu it’s a TORCH X’D (Like, no disrespect to traditions in general, but that one just SMACKS of Clave Sanctimony lol, and by Jace’s next line he knows that aha)

- …Is Nephilim the dative??? I need to look that up lol. Also think it’s funny that Hell (in its various realms) is the one place Shadowhunters CAN’T go, re 3x21

- ‘You assume I have feelings’ Jace. Bro. You are perhaps the CRYINGEST CRIER IN THIS SHOW. Let go of the toxic masculinity friend, you’re gonna be nicer once you do <3

- I’m revisiting my earlier point: WHY ARE LITERALLY ALL OF THE PARENTS CIRCLE MEMBERS LMAO

- ‘No more I’m sorries, you’re a Shadowhunter now’ YIKES if that don’t say it all about Shadowhunter hubris lmao. Apologies are good and necessary <3

- RECOGNISED THE CLAIRVOYANCE RUNE, HIGHKEY PROUD OF MYSELF AHA

- Think how much less beautiful and adorable the Malec wedding would have been if Brother Zachariah looked like this kind of Coraline experiment gone wrong lmao

- I’m not always a fan of a flashback but that ‘you’re strong enough’ one definitely makes it seem less like Clary’s just being reckless aha

- ‘It’ ALEC STOP BEING SUCH A RUDE BITCH. Also I do love Sizzy but I definitely think Izzy needed to be in a less defensive position when they got together (re ‘he passes the time’, I don’t ACTUALLY care I’m just a heartbreaker out for a good time), I’m kind of glad they waited until her caring side had been more nourished instead of stifled

- SIMON. YOU SAID YOU HAVE SEEN HORROR MOVIES. WHY DID YOU PUT HEADPHONES ON

- ‘The night children have broken no laws’ Wait, so kidnapping a Mundane ISN’T against the law??? I mean I get Shadowhunters not being able to KILL them for it - …oh. OH. HANG ON. Are the Accords just to stop Shadowhunters KILLING Downworlders for the smallest of crimes???? Does Raphael mean ‘kidnapping no longer constitutes a capital punishment (like it did before)’??? Either this is a script issue (bc if Shadowhunters protect Mundanes, kidnapping one SHOULD be against the law) or a hint of just how fucked up the Accords are, that ‘the law’ isn’t the law how WE understand it but instead ‘things which are still valid excuses to severely punish Downworlders, when we used to do so willy-nilly’ :S

- Season tagline: ‘Everybody wants that damn cup!’ Valentine wants it to wield it, the Clave wants it APPARENTLY to protect people from Valentine, Luke hinted that the werewolves want it, now the vampires…. Damn.

This one gets an 8/10 for enjoyment – I’m having fun! – and actually a 7/10 for quality. Not NEARLY as many script issues and cringe factors as in the first ep lol. Thanks for reading. ^^

#louise rewatches shs #rambling on #long post

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mdcbk-fanblog · 6 years

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Ep. 63 Reactions!!!!

Ok so this is my first post on this blog but I hope to make this a more regular thing now that life’s not strangling me, but anyway here are my…..

Ep. 63 Reactions!!!!

-First off a recap of that yummy kissing scene between my otp is always a plus

-And yup starting right where the last episode left off with Katsu seeing the stupidly stubborn henna tattoo thing

-MEI ANSWER HIM

-Ok, I understand your worried about your younger brother but come on, as long as you talk in hushed tones and makes sure he doesn’t do anything reactionatory then you’re fine so JUST TELL HIM MEI

-NO MEI DON’T CRY LET ME HUG YOU I KNOW IT’S HARD BUT HE WANTS TO HELP YOUUUUUU!!!!!!

-Actually started balling when Mei let that first tear fall

-Not even remotely through the first few panels and already an emotional rec

-Ok can I just say great use of body language with not only saying plainly that Mei is Hiding something from Katsu but also showing her back to him which is symbolic of when someone is hiding something of them hiding their face

-Idk I just really like it when authors use body language properly

-Really wish I had emoji’s to use in google docs

-GOOD FOR YOU MEI TELL HIM EXACTLY WHAT IS GOING ON

-THAT PANEL OF ONLY HIS LIPS BETTER MEAN HE’S GETTING READY TO POUND KOZUKE’S BUTT

-YA GO KILL KOZUKE HE MADE MEI CRY!!!!!!!

-Ok Mei I know you are very worried about your brother but let's get real here katsu can handle this just please do what he says

-Bets on that she either doesn’t do what Katsu says or convinces him to do something different

-The tears are coming out of her eyes :=(

-YAY USE THAT RED TO SHOW HOW ANGRY HE IS MRS. LIFELIGHT

-LIKE HELL HE CAN’T MEI!

-YOUR HIS BOO!

-That dark descent into blood king is nice

-Also good tactic because reminding Mei of who he is is probably the only way to convince her to stay

-PLEASE MEI STAY THERE MY HEART CAN’T TAKE MUCH MORE OF THIS

-Ok I got a lot of hate for Ryusaki already and seeing him and katsu interact will probably build that up even more

-Ryusaki god just withdraw Mei it’s just smart at this point she should have been withdrawn long ago she is still good bait even out of the core just give her self defense training don’t let your ego get in the way

-What's with the “already”

-LIKE HELL YOU CAN’T PULL HER OUT

-Sorry for all the caps I have been content deprived for the last couple of weeks and am not use to this level of drama yet

-FOR THE GOOD OF THE KINGDOM MY ASS

-What does the Kihara family mean to anyone really because at this point it is clear that even before Kozuke(Yuta??) That the Kihara family was special, one does not have a son in the best trained army force then just be a “Poor farming family”

-BITCH WHO THE MISTRESS

-ALSO YOU AIN’T KING AND AS LONG AS I STAND YOU WILL NEVER BE KING SO SIT YOUR ASS DOWN AND TAKE HERE OUT OF YOUR STUPID POWER TRIP FORCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Ryusaki GTFO

-BITCH YOU DID JUST NOT INSINUATE THAT

-YOU GO KATSU PUNCH HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Like hell this isn’t up for him to decide

-To be real though Katsu should never have given power to someone so power hungry like Ryusaki no matter how good of “friends” they are

-BITCH WHAT

-LITTLE BROTHER

-LITTLE BASTARD SON THEORY FROM WAY BACK THEN CONFIRMED!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!

-Oh god there's more

-Usually it would stop after this

-Mrs. Lifelight you're spoiling us

-Yup and if anyone knows, you don’t want to be compared to Katsu’s father

-I refuse to acknowledge Ryusaki anymore

-He’s going back to just being the Lieutenant

-Honestly why Lieutenant

-BITCH KATSU IS JUST FINE TAKE TEN STEPS BACK YOURSELF AND LOOK AT YOUR LITTLE RUNAWAY GIRL FRIEND YOURSELF

-CALL HIM OUT KASTU

-NOT DISTRACTED MY GLUTES

-You just now figured that out Katsu

-Seriously Lieutenant GTFO

-You deserve nothing

-DRAW YOUR SWORD YOU GARDENING TOOL

-THIS IS ONE HELL OF AN END TO A CHAPTER

-I’M SHOOK

-Ok so a lot happens I’ll try to get the analysis up tomorrow and theories up by -mid week

-But man

-I’m ready man

-10/10

-Also 95% sure either Mei is following Katsu or she is going to get up to trouble in some other part of the palace and the general (who I have grown to like more) is left to sweep up the pieces

-Man though seriously I hope this is a parallel to the early episode when we saw Katsu on the ground beten but now he will stand victorious while The Lieutenant (who is stand in Kozuke) is on the ground

-Please

-Also Lieutenant Mei is a smart cookie and at least Katsu can see that unlike you who is only sees her jiggly pats

Ok enough ranting. This was worth every second of the wait and I hope that Mrs. and Mr. Lifelight have an easy time taking care of their baby. I’m surprised that she is coming back so fast considering Rise From Ashes took a pretty long hiatus so I hope this isn’t to much of a stain for her but anyway tell me your reactions and tell me about your theories and I’ll see you all soon Bye!!!

#fandis #mdcbk #katsuxmei #ryusaki #gtfo #webtoon #linewebtoon #my dear cold blooded king #Lifelight #comic #art #reaction

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happymetalgirl · 4 years

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August 2020

Black Crown Initiate - Violent Portraits of Doomed Escape

Black Crown Initiate are one of those bands who have so much going for them in terms of their potential and so much about them on paper sounds like exactly the kind of thing I could nerd the hell out over, yet neither of the band’s previous two albums really made that connection with me or showed themselves to be anything other than respectful substitutes for albums like Cynic’s Focus, or Rivers of Nihil’s Where Owls Know My Name, or Opeth’s Watershed. Like The Wreckage of Stars and Selves We Cannot Forgive, Violent Portraits of Doomed Escape draws moments of exceptional strength from modern metalcore to produce a few highlights such as “Years in Frigid Light”, “Sun of War”, “Death Comes in Reverse”, and the closing solo of “Holy Silence”, but its awkward balancing of softer passages and smoother clean vocals just serves as a reminder of how easy Mikael Åkerfreldt makes it look. The band again certainly showcase what great talent they have and that they have the chops to hold their own with this sound, but until they take their compositional style beyond Soen-plus-death-metal, they will have a hard time escaping the shadows of the big names in their field.

6/10

Misery Signals - Ultraviolet

Misery Signals’ output has slowed with the NWOAHM it was borne from, but after only gracing the previous decade with a single full-length (2013’s ironically titled Absent Light) with members preoccupied with side projects, the band re-united its original line-up with long-absent vocalist Jesse Zaraska and a reignited commitment to the phased-out version of melodic metalcore that they sported at the movement’s height of cultural relevance. There are some bright spots of greater melodic vocals invigoration like “Some Dreams” and the quick “Through Vales of Blue Fire”, but Ultraviolet sounds as out of place in this decade as it would be obscured into the background fifteen years ago, serving less as a testament to the glory of 2000’s metalcore and more as a reminder of how saturated the movement became with recycled material.

5/10

Year of the Knife - Internal Incarceration

I missed out on it last year, but Year of the Knife put out their debut album, Ultimate Aggression, last February, a half-hour ripper of no-nonsense metalcore that embodies the current movement that has fixated on reinventing metalcore’s grooves while staying in line with its central aggression. While Ultimate Aggression indeed embodied its title thoroughly, I was hoping it would serve as a filling appetizer for the main course of the group’s sophomore album, Internal Incarceration. After such a promising debut, I have to say Internal Incarceration is a bit underwhelming. The band still flex their hardcore muscles to the point of bulging out of their t-shirts and provide plenty of slam-inducing groove, which there are a few especially good highlights of on “Nothing to Nobody” and the title track. Unlike the creative grooves Ultimate Aggression teased an expansion upon, Internal Incarceration is a more generic display of strength, which makes for this longer listen unfortunately much less exciting. It’ll still get the kids in the pit swinging and kicking once that gets re-instituted, but they sound more like your average local hardcore band who heard Knocked Loose than an up-and-coming powerhouse of the genre.

6/10

Mesarthim - Planet Nine & The Degenerate Era

I feel like such a fool for taking this long to catch on to the prolific Australian project Mesarthim, whose expansive catalog has been all over Bandcamp in the five years since the band’s first release, with this year’s The Degenerate Era being their fifth full-length and Planet Nine being their seventh EP! I may be late, but I made it to the party to see what Mesarthim is all about. I’ve seen a few bands on Bandcamp tag their sound with the “void metal” label, and of the bands I’ve heard, I’ve not really found it to mean much beyond atmospheric black metal with a bit of a space-related aesthetic associated with it, but after hearing Mesarthim, I can see now that this migh be a genuine sub-genre branch of ambient black metal, the subtle but fearless incorporation of shimmering, chime-like electronics and synthetic choral elements really does evoke the vastness of space and the divine wonder of the cosmos. And the band’s two-song EP release this year, Planet Nine, definitely captures that with its bright melodic progressions and expansive synthetic whirring. It’s definitely very atmosphere-based, very dependent on the lushness of the sounds, which are unfortunately hampered in a few of the softer spots by some messy production, but the band’s smooth transitions do help them make up for the flaws in production quality (which I’m amazed they haven’t ironed out this many albums in), and the fixation on gorgeous atmospheres and intentional transitions makes me strongly suspect they take some notes from fellow celestially themed black metal ambient innovators Alrakis.

7/10

Clocking in at around 44 minutes, The Degenerate Era isn’t that much longer than its EP co-release this year, nor is it all too disparate in style, although the band do dip into more traditionally heavy black metal territory here and there, but otherwise it’s lots of expansive synthetic orchestral elements, lots of spacy guitar-playing, and a pretty gutsy dose of the kind of electronics that would send any already-squirming black metal purist over the top into a full blown temper tantrum. The greater range of emotional diversity on this LP in comparison to Planet Nine puts it a little bit higher for me, although both have a similar appeal and are indeed definitely worth checking out.

7/10

In the Company of Serpants - LUX

In the Company of Serpants continue their culinary tinkering with the latest melting pot of metallic styles on LUX, stirring various chunks of 90’s New Orleans sludge, modern death metal a la Rivers of Nihil, and even late-80’s thrash into a broth of atmospheric post-metal (which serves as a gratifying climax specifically to the opening track, “The Fool’s Journey”) that may not be the most groundbreaking dish in the planet, but the freshness of whose ingredients and the skill of whose chefs comes through in the good consistency of the project. I liken it to a soup in that it’s based heavily on atmospheric post-metal and that it’s hard to get a bite of this album without it, and that there are various pieces of meatier genres in there usually popping in one spoonful at a time. Personally, it’s a soup I enjoy and one I think anyone who enjoys some dynamic post-metal or likes their atmospheric metal with a spiritual feel would enjoy.

7/10

Terminal Nation - Holocene Extinction

Terminal Nation are a five-piece from Little Rock, Arkansas who make their full-length debut through the excellent upstart curators 20 Buck Spin, and the band’s aptly titled debut meshes death and doom metal in a flurry more angrily condemning than the average record in the field, occasionally unable to keep from spiraling into grinding blasts of fury in their rage against the capitalism whose very design has oppressed so many and ushered in ecological catastrophe and a new wave of fascism. 2020 has made political commentators out of many, and Terminal Nation are not shy about where they stand and where they place the blame for our world’s ills, targeting the military industrial complex on “Death for Profit”, for-profit medicine on “Caskets of the Poor”, and capitalism as a whole on “Master Plan”. Despite the songs being easily stylistically categorized, the band refuse to let one hybrid genre label define them as a whole, exuding old-school grindcore through filthier guitar tones on songs like “Thirst to Burn” and “Leather Envy”, while slower tracks like “Cognitice Dissonance” and “Expired Utopia” opt for a slow roast kind of scorched Earth, borrowing the occasional nasty metalcore breakdown along the way. Covering a relatively wide range of styles and an array of apocalyptic topics, Holocene Extinction is as blunt in its delivery instrumentally as it is lyrically, and it hits as hard as an album of its nature should, setting this band up on a great start. Fight on!

8/10

Krallice - Mass Cathexis

Already the eight LP for New York’s prolific black metal experimentalists, Mass Cathexis finds the ordinarily forward-thinking band at a loss for major ideas beyond doubling down on he technicality of their sound to the point of stepping on a few of the land mines in the techdeath minefield. They still work in plenty their of their usual progressive song structuring and cerebral atmosphere, and I do enjoy it enough, but I know Krallice can do better than this. And I’m sure they will, and it’ll probably be pretty damn soon too.

6/10

Drouth - Excerpts from a Dread Liturgy

On their sophomore effort through Translation Loss Records, Portland-based quartet Drouth dress up their abundant competence with the basics of blackened death metal as a grander artistic statement than it really is with five epic, yet dragging, showy, yet shallow songs of rather generic material for the genre. I respect the band’s commitment and I give them credit for the performative abilities they showcase on their second album, but I can’t pretend to be wildly excited about 40 minutes of run-of-the-mill blackened death metal.

6/10

Faceless Burial - Speciation

This is the second full-length record from Melbourne three-piece Faceless Burial who have kept a pretty steady pace after their first demo release in 2015 and their independent full-length debut in 2017. Released through Dark Descent Records, Speciation is a refinement of the blunt, bellowing death metal that the band presented on their debut. Packed with delicious low-register guitar riffs, rumbly bass lines, and manic blast beats, Speciation is a candid portrait of much of what makes modern death metal what it is, and what makes it so delicious even looking up at its top tiers. I think Faceless Burial could certainly one day reach those top tiers, and Speciation is a strong step in that direction.

7/10

Avatar - Hunter Gatherer

Swedish quintet Avatar are nothing if not creative, and their decision to go all-in on the circus-freak aesthetic seems to have catalyzed the wildness with which they reimagine and remold melodic death metal. And they’ve certainly been actively prolific over the past decade that saw their emergence into the spotlight, releasing consistently every two years, and they’re right on time this year with Hunter Gatherer. Coming off of the bombastic tale of 2018’s Avatar Country and knowing that the band have a penchant for concept albums, I was eager to see what Hunter Gatherer’s might be, and while there’s no connective narrative, the album generally sticks to a theme of gazing into a chaotic future. The sensational Swedes kick off this year’s effort with its most uncharacteristically generic display, the standard melodeath “Silence in the Age of Apes”, but the album doesn’t take long at all to get to Avatar’s usual extravaganza as the second track, “Colossus”, immediately kicks of with a punctuated siren wail and from the get-go you know you’re in for a ride, and the track’s swaggering mid-tempo march is headbanging as fuck. Oh the invigorating melody just keeps coming too; “A Secret Door” balances alternative rock’s soaring triumph with the natural tendencies toward that feeling from melodeath. The song “Child” captures Avatar’s essential traits with its risky stage-production sway, its soaring chorus, and it’s rumbling low-tuned foundation that all serve the band’s grand ambition in spectacular fashion, and the subsequent “Justice” only soars even higher from there with its palm-muted-backed chorus and Johannes Eckerström’s absolutely fist-raising vocal melody. And the Swedes keep the high-stakes moves coming with the grippingly candid piano balladry of “Child”. As with every Avatar release, though, there are some songs that don’t fly over so well, but only two out of the ten. The band’s switch into half-measured seven-stringed eccentricity on “God of Sick Dreams” is just one of the moments that feels like it could have been a bigger display of creativity, while “Scream Until You Wake” is a clumsily cheesy collision of melodic heavy metal and arena butt rock that unfortunately puts the band’s theatricality in a bad light. The album finishes on two powerful notes, though, with the quick thrash of “When All But Force Has Failed” that immediately reminded me of Bullet for My Valentine’s “Waking the Demon”, and the epic eight-stringed cinematic finale of wormhole. While I still may not have been in love with an Avatar album from start to finish, I still look forward to reviewing their music whenever they have a new album out because even if not everything they do on a particular record, the group’s zealous drive to put on a good show always yields an eccentric and exciting track list and the enthusiasm the band has for whatever imagination it is they’re realizing comes through in their performances. So even if there are a few acts during the show that don’t dazzle me personally, I stay for the whole performance because there’s never a dull moment, and there really is nothing else like it, and Hunter Gatherer has proven sticking around to be worthwhile, because the band have struck their most consistent effort yet, and one I can say I really do love as a whole even with its momentary flaws.

8/10

Moloken - Unveilance of Dark Matter

This came out way earlier in the year, but this is the fourth full-length album from Sweden’s version of Ulcerate, Moloken. I totally kid with how reductive I’m being there, but I mean that comparison as a compliment because Ulcerate are one of death metal’s most interesting acts at the moment and their album this year definitely bolsters their already-high reputation for post-death metal alchemy, and I’d say Moloken’s new album this year showcases how they perform similar sonic sorcery with the vile, grungy sounds of old-school sludge metal, transforming the heroin-intoxicated street babblings of depression into a cleaner, progressive form. And while some of that hyper-perceptible mental anguish is suppressed in that evolution, there’s still enough vibrant torment there inthe clangy bass lines and the yowling screams of agony underneath the layers of more complex, heavy, and modernized instrumentation. I think the song “Hollow Caress” probably highlights the span of older and newer sludge elements on this album best out of the tracks here, but really this whole album is an enthralling window into the spasms of the tormented psyche that might look all too familiar.

8/10

Ingested - Where Only Gods May Tread

Ingested cook up nearly 50 minutes of crusty blackened death metal similar to that of Ancst with a punchy deathcore edge a la Despised Icon or Venom Prison on Where Only Gods May Tread, and for as predictable as the results are, they do pack a solid punch that presents the rhythmic battery of deathcore as a worthy tool of death metal aggression rather than a purist-discredited development. And the band have even tapped a few members of the new and old guards to endorse their metallic campaign through collaboration; Crowbar’s Kirk Windstein joins in on the sludgy barn burner “Another Breath”, while hardcore advocates Matt Honeycutt and Vincent Bennett contribute their talents as well. While it’s, again, not the most groundbreaking of releases, Ingested certainly get the job done satisfactorily beyond what any reasonable purist could gripe about.

6/10

Thou - A Primer of Holy Words

After dropping their compilation of Nirvana covers just a few months prior, Thou hit us again with another compilation of cover songs they’ve done over the years that exemplifies their greater aptitude for the cover song when it comes to styles closer to their wheelhouse like the hardcore punk of Minor Threat and Born Against and the doom metal of Black Sabbath as opposed to the lo-fi grunge of Nirvana, though the band still insist on trying their hand at sludgifying a couple of 90’s grunge classics on a misguided cover of Alice in Chains’ “No Excuses” and Soundgarden’s “Fourth of July”. Like Blessings of the Highest Order, A Primer of Holy Words more or less just runs all the songs on it through a Thou processor to churn out a rather homogeneous mush of sludgy cover material out the other end. It’s a more complimentary batch of songs to the machine the band puts the songs through than the Nirvana covers were, but it’s not something that revolutionizes the originals or outshines Thou simply doing their own thing enough to have me itching to return to it.

5/10

Halestorm - Reimagined

Halestorm take all the punch out of their best hits like “I Get Off”, “I Miss the Misery”, and “Mz. Hyde” in this unnecessarily partially stripped back, partially minimally electronic remix/re-recorded EP of their gutsy modern hard rock catalogue, along with a passable cover of Whitney Houston’s classic “I Will Always Love You”. The unplugged mix of these songs spotlights Lzzy Hale’s booming voice even more than usual, but, again, unnecessarily removes her from her most fitting and supportive context. The neutering of the songs’ instrumental rock swagger to back Hale’s attitude-rich vocal delivery has mostly unfavorable results, the still-vibrant swoon of “I Miss the Misery” coming out the most unscathed, but the most butcherd of the bunch has to be the band’s most storied hit, “I Get Off”, which is about as lifeless as re-dos get. Honestly, the only point I can imagine the band attributed to this project would be the center Hale’s already very centralized voice, which is, not to be a broken record here, just unnecessary. I doubt it was her actual motive, but it’s like she didn’t want anyone else around her sounding good too, so she could stand out better. But more likely it was just another poorly conceived misfire of an acoustic EP of many, not the first or last of its kind. Perhaps my sharp distaste for this one is the impressive display Breaking Benjamin showed on their acoustic re-do album earlier this year.

3/10

Batushka - Raskol

Despite being lambasted as frauds by most fans of the original incarnation of the band after the legally-backed and Metal Blade-released Hospodi was embarrassed by the rushed, but clearly more artistically sound, Панихида (Panihida) from Krystov Drabikowski’s unofficial version of the Batushka project, and more or less exposed as such through the side-by-side release of the two albums, Bartłomiej Krysiuk’s version of Batushka still managed to strike a deal with Witching Hour Productions to release more material this year. I reviewed both Batushka projects last year and despite Drabikowski’s album feeling a bit rushed due to the circumstances of its release, it still blew Hospodi out of the water. Whereas Krystov’s album captured the aesthetic and compositional essence of the seminal Batuska debut, Bart’s album sounded like a generic blackgaze imitation of the real thing, which put the debate to rest for me and most of the Batushka fan base as to who was the deserving artist of the Batushka name. Nevertheless, Bart is giving it another go with the Batushka project in an attempt to earn back the trust he squandered amid the feud that boiled over last year. Biting off a smaller piece of material this time with the modest half-hour slab of Raskol, Bart actually does refine his craft to a slightly more respectable level after shamelessly pimping the band’s name out last year. Fans embroiled in the feud on Krystov’s side seem to forget that even if he wasn’t the driving force of the band, Bart was a part of Batushka from the start and for a long time, so it’s not really that outlandish or surprising that he would actually get better at doing the Batushka thing. While it does still lean on standard shoegaze elements to bide time when Bart’s imagination (or whoever he might have brought on to assist him this time around) runs dry, Raskol is a vast improvement on the cheap, inauthentic-sounding Hospodi, feeling like a much more believable part of the Batushka canon. I still understand fans’ skepticism of the validity of Bart’s incarnation of the Batushka project and I myself still don’t feel totally comfortable lending my full support to a man who hasn’t done much to contest the allegations of unethical actions against him. If this is to be the legal version of Batushka, so be it, at least it’s a little more believable now.

6/10

Primitive Man - Immersion

Denver’s Primitive Man have been the poster child for gargantuan, muscular death-sludge-doom for their entire career, whether it be on their various splits and collaborations or on their full-length projects. The band have played around with harsh noise as a supplement to their absolutely merciless core metallic sound, especially on the lengthy demo, P//M, but the hulk-powered trio have largely kept their main projects free of bells and whistles, which has certainly not led them astray. The band’s 2013 debut album, Scorn, was a sweat-inducing warm-up of direct, no-nonsense, hate-filled sludge metal, and the band quite literally doubled down on it on 2017’s 77-minute Caustic, whose undeniably captivating and fearsome ferocity and tapped so simply yet so tangibly into the core ethos of metal music in this day and age made it one of my favorite albums of that year. This year, the band trimmed it back to six songs clocking in at just 36 minutes, and despite its relative shortness, Immersion spends its time savoring the band’s doom at its usual slow-burning pace. Aside from the noisy two-minute interlude, “∞”, Immersion is another unyielding slab of the vibrantly hateful doom metal that made Caustic such a monolithic album. Despite its being built similarly to it predecessor, Immersion’s half-length feels like a half measure, checking all the boxes, but not really giving the band enough time to vary up their very thick but very homogeneous style except for the harsh noise interlude and the anticipatory buildup of “Entity”. The band are definitely powerful enough to doom-slam their way to finishing the mission though, and Immersion is by no means a failure to showcase that raw power.

7/10

Atramentus - Stygian

Donning your funeral doom metal debut album with a Mariusz Lewandowski art piece after 2017 is a pretty gutsy move in at least that it immediately draws comparisons to Bell Witch’s masterful Mirror Reaper, yet that is the first move Atramentus have opted to take (plus it’s not like a hundred other bands haven’t commissioned the Polish surrealist since then), but they were a bet that 20 Buck Spin has had no problem pitching in to for the Québec-based band’s long-awaited emergence onto the scene. The band’s sudden arrival with a sole release deceptively suggests they are a super new act, but the project has been on the shelves of vocalist/guitarist Philippe Tougas since 2012, who composed the album and kept it in the vault until 2018 (perhaps inspired as many of us were by Mirror Reaper) to finally record it. Stygian is a less melancholic doom metal album than a first impression of the cover might suggest given how many bands have adopted much of Mirror Reaper’s aesthetics. Instead, the debut album’s three tracks offer a refreshingly frightful mix of thundering, mega-chambered drums, Halloween-ish organ hums, dark ambient echoes, and deep rumbling growls and augmented throat chants that are similarly hellish, but also divinely ceremonial hums and emotive soloing during the last of the three movements that serve to maintain the vastness the album invokes. Indeed, the third song (which is half of the album’s length) rolls back some of the menace in favor of some more familiar mournfulness. And of course, this is all delivered at an absolutely tortoise-ish pace as is the key feature of the genre (save for the final burst of blast beats three minutes before the album ends), and of course it can very easily be reductively summed up as a condensed version of Four Phantoms or Mirror Reaper but I really do think Stygian will stand out from the largely homogeneous doom metal crop for what it does do differently with its more ominous elements and hopefully inspire Atramentus to stay active.

8/10

Innumerable Forms - Despotic Rule

The Boston five-piece are back with a two-track demo after a smashing debut in 2018 that captured the vile sludgy doom of Primitive Man and the adrenaline of brutal death metal. The first song on this year’s short offering, “Philosophical Collapse”, explodes out of the gate with deathly quick pace and fury until like a fatigued distance runner after a minute-long burst of speed, it succumbs to doomed sluggishness for the bulk of its runtime. The second and titular track is based on a slower Iommi-esque doom riff that slowly takes the modernized sounds of Sabbath into thrashy territory over the course of its nearly five-minute runtime. Both songs capture the aggressive doom at the heart of Innumerable Forms’ sound that made me love Punishment in Flesh so much, and I hope these songs are at least a sign of what is to come from the band.

Innumerable/10

Unleash the Archers - Abyss

I feel like for power metal especially, putting out a boring record can be worse than an incompitent or poorly executed album, and Unleash the Archers definitely provide strong support that with Abyss, whose moments of mild euphoria (which is an extremely generous description) are much too few and far between the slog of totally formulaic and under-delivered melodic autofill. Vocalist Brittany Hayes showcases her capacity for power metal drama on the epic “The Wind That Shapes the Land”, which only makes her utterly bland, zero-effort delivery across the rest of album that much more offensive. Yeah, I’ll keep it short and keep myself from going too in on this album, because, yeah it’s just boring, which is a massive and avoidable mistake to fulfill an easy baseline requirement for power metal, which, to me, is grounds for failure.

3/10

Incantation - Sect of Vile Divinities

Good ol’ Incantation are back with another 45 minutes of doomy death metal, the likes of Ossuarium, for example, have harped on, which, to give a ratio for clarity, is like 80/20 death/doom. Definitely more death metal gusto than doom metal void-gazing to avoid that pitfall of lethargy, the trade-off for this clearly minimally ambitious album being the numerous pitfalls of death metal. Sect of Vile Divinities definitely gets the job done and it’s sometimes pretty savory along the way, but it’s definitely not an above-average slab of meat from this particular slaughterhouse.

5/10

Kolossus - The Line of the Border

Kolossus is the one-man atmospheric black metal project of Genoa-based creator “Helliminator”, who released this debut LP back in March to relative silence. And with how saturated bedroom ambient black metal is, I get how easy it is for things to get lost in the weeds, but for anyone who stumbles upon this one, it’s definitely a good few leagues above your typical atmospheric black metal release, and Satanath Records did well to catch wind of Kolossus after the independent split release with Manon in 2018. The Line of the Border is a confidently dynamic record whose fluidity in its shifts from acoustic melancholy to post-metal sludge and somber, yet seething, black metal agony showcases Helliminator’s and his collaborators’ compositional ability. It’s a hard album to sum up, and that’s a good thing for an album in a field so easy to reductively describe.

7/10

Humavoid - Lidless

Lidless is the patiently-awaited sophomore album from Finnish four-piece Humavoid, who’s 2014 independent debut album caught the attention of up-and-coming German label Noble Demon through its bold, progressive approach to experimental death metal that, when even just competently executed, gives off such a naturally heady vibe. But Humavoid are not about taking the path of least resistance and not about just creating the appearance of innovation with metal music, and their second record’s thrilling firestorm of Meshuggah-influenced djenty jaggedness that puts Veil of Maya and Jinjer to shame and jazzy eccentricity that fires a warning shot past Imperial Triumphant in the larger-than-life swirl of sounds that would make Devin Townsend cream his britches make for quite the decisive statement. Lidless may be comprised of very familiar ingredients, but the compositonal ingenuity the band wield and the constant headlong drive into the unknown make the combination of sounds on this album. The frightful, falling-stalactite-feeling piano-playing and synth work especially keep the mood of the album ever-shifting and the rest of the band excitedly on their toes, along with anyone hearing their overachieving madness. This is definitely one of the year’s best, and I am so eager to see what lies ahead for Humavoid.

9/10

Expander - Neuropunk Boostergang

Of the bands partaking in this past decade’s thrash metal revival Austin, Texas’ Expander are one of the less hokey, more serious-sounding bands to emerge recently, but of the handful of (2) EPs the band have released and the debut they put out in 2017, nothing the band has done has really sounded any alarms in my ears that they might be one of the bigger movers of the genre in the coming, now-current decade. Reliable underground curators Profound Lore and little-guy-supporter producer Kurt Ballou, though, disagree with my doubt in the band’s potential and have backed their sophomore release here, Neuropunk Boostergang. Harnessing some industrial elements and aggressive shouting that hearkens to American Head Charge and labelmates Lord Mantis and angular riffing reminiscent of both nasty sludge metal and crossover thrash with a more futuristic technicality, Neuropunk Boostergang is definitely a significant step up from Endless Computer, and an album that finds the band zeroed in on an attractive sonic identity. Not many thrash albums beckon the descriptor of atmospheric, and if so it’s certainly more of a generous way of saying it’s boring and blends into the background. Yet Neuropunk Boostergang manages to touch on meditative chords with its immersive and fascinating take on thrash metal, forward-thinking and avant-garde with an early version of the genre that most bands think simplistically to nostalgia-trip over. I wouldn’t have backed Expander to put out anything of major value based on their entire back catalog, and I wouldn’t have guessed that they would actually carve out a little niche for themselves to really blossom in. But the gnarly Texans (and Profound Lore) have proven me wrong in my favorite way with my favorite thrash release of the year.

8/10

Seether - Si Vis Pacem, Para Bellum

Seether have not been doing so well, at least creatively, for the past several years, their last album before this one, Poison the Parish, being a completely unmemorable late-career display of the creative dryness within the band and the expiry of the post-grunge they capitalized in the early 2000’s. Si Vis Pacem, Para Bellum is not a full return to form, but it is a step in the right direction that the band desperately needed, which just comes from more meticulous songwriting this time around. The opening track “Dead and Done” is an energetic and vibrant start to the album and “Beg” revisits that “Fuck It” type of energy that the band need to embrace more frequently, while the silky “Wasteland” adds a scoop of Deftones’ shoegazy guitar work and captures the emotive potency that makes post-grunge so appealing when it’s at its best. The swinging “Bruised and Bloodied” offers a taste of the wackier side of Seether, while the more traditionally grungy “Pride Before the Fall” shows just how much the band appreciate Alice in Chains, and they actually help diversify the largely dragging energy of the album. Indeed, the bulk of the album is still unfortunately rut-entrenched filler that could have been better trimmed. It’s passable filler, but it just means that this album is still one that I’ll only be partially returning to to visit its best tracks.

6/10

Powerman 5000 - The Noble Rot

I have never been too big on electro industrialist project Powerman 5000, which wouldn’t even make a B-team picked by frontman Spider One’s own big brother Rob Zombie. My introduction to them was through their 2009 album, Somewhere in the Other Side of Nowhere, an astonishingly character-less and generic caricature of the industrial metal Zombie so exuberantly champions. The band have their better projects like Tonight the Stars Revolt!, but nothing they’ve put out so far has really ever convinced me that I should be paying them more attention. This year’s The Noble Rot is a pretty non-offensive outing, but also typically devoid of imagination. Not to stoke sibling rivalry that’s not there or anything, but it’s like if Rob Zombie were trying really hard not to upset suburban parents from the 90’s. It’s a lot less butt-rocking than the band have shown they can be at their worst, and it’s overall passably listenable. The metropolitan swagger of “Black Lipstick” is a notable highlight where Spider One’s sultry delivery actually works in the track’s favor. But unfortunately there really aren’t any other significant positives to speak of, and listenable is about as kind of a thing as I can say about this album.

4/10

Gulch - Impenetrable Cerebral Fortress

San Jose’s Gulch definitely get points for their all-out work ethic and for leaving everything on the stage or studio, but the band’s sophomore effort this year simply echoes the same need for continued growth that their debut did. The group’s exaggerated but still-maturing take on hardcore punk is thrilling in the short moment it occupies, but entirely forgettable.

5/10

Venomous Concept - Politics Versus the Erection

Like Gulch, Venomous Concept definitely get points for the effort they pour into their very similar brand of aggressive, off-the-wall hardcore punk, but theirs turns out to be another similar case of too little of that effort directed toward really arranging their outlash in an efficient way. It works for the stages and getting kids kicking in the pits that aren’t around anymore for the time being, but only at that baseline level that all good punk music in this vein does. Unfortunately, there’s simply not enough creativity in this project, or traditional punk ethos done exceptionally well for me to be all too enthused about it.

5/10

John Petrucci - Terminal Velocity

Show-off.

7/10

Pain of Salvation - Panther

A lack of ambition has never been a weakness for Swedish prog zealots Pain of Salvation, who love biting off sometimes a bit more than they can chew with their consistently lengthy and overly galaxy-brained concept albums. I definitely respect the massive inspiration the band always seem to tap into and I find them quite capable of fulfilling their creative mission more often than being too heady for their own good. The band do insist on integrating a perplexing degree of early 2000’s nu metal into their sound, and including some rapped verses that seem like a quota they just have to check for some reason. And Panther is, for the most part, another solid display of talents from Pain of Salvation, whose impressive compositional prog chops do more than enough to obscure the odder choices that pop up here and there.

8/10

Ulver - Flowers of Evil

I don’t know why but for some reason I thought Ulver’s venture into synthwave was a one-day stop before they moved on to whatever was next for them. I wasn’t expecting the genre-polyamorous visionaries to make another album in the same synth-y new wave vein as 2017’s The Assassination of Julius Caesar, yet Flowers of Evil is an unexpected and welcome sequel to an album that opened up a whole new avenue of sultry smoothness for the band, and it’s just as cool as it’s predecessor. Are Ulver the new Depesche Mode? I don’t know, if they are, I’m okay with that.

8/10

Necrot - Mortal

Necrot are a recently established trio from Oakland, California who have certainly generated a lot of buzz around their sophomore LP release here since their announcing it a few months ago. I mean I saw memes about the cover relating to coming home and taking off your pants or bra after a long day back in July. The band’s straightforwardly deathly 2017 debut, Blood Offerings, certainly didn’t seem to drum up too much hype around the time of its release, but the band are certainly releasing Mortal this time around to quite a captive audience, and after all the anticipation for their second album, Necrot show the world that can definitely play some death metal. Honestly, I went into this with a pretty open mind and eager to see what Mortal would be al about for the new group with the spotlight on them, but apart from a more old-school approach to riff-writing that does indeed come as a breath of fresh air in today’s death metal landscape, I don’t really see what else about it is such a big deal. I’m not saying there aren’t some tasty grooves or even a good few attention-grabbing solos on here, but I really don’t get what the death metal world is getting all hot and bothered about for this album beyond its checking off all the usual boxes and maybe doing a little smoke and mirrors to present themselves like a modern incarnation of Death or Morbid Angel. I mean I like it as much as, if not a little bit more than, any other average death metal project and I really do like what they band are doing with vintage riffs in this context, but I just don’t see what it’s doing with the very typical elements of the genre that it employs so much better than their average contemporaries that’s ramped up such astronomical hype.

7/10

Pig Destroyer - The Octagonal Stairway

Probably the EP I have been the most pumped for, it’s nice to hear some new Pig Destroyer not so long after their 2018 release, Head Cage, which took some getting used to for me, but I can say I regard it pretty highly as a step toward a more full-bodied sound for the band. I mean they’ve never been short on the shrapnel-spraying volatility needed to wholly carry a project, their groundbreaking creativity with the building blocks of grindcore setting them at the top of their field to look down at the grindcore masses far far below, and J. R. Hayes’ impressive poetic lyricism being a hefty bonus, and Head Cage wasn’t really that big of a stylistic departure for them apart from adopting the sound pallet of their contemporaries. The Octagonal Stairway is definitely more of an interim project for the time being, the first three tracks continuing the band’s mass-building with their sound; they’re as hard-hitting and representative of Pig Destroyer as any song off Head Cage, the title track in particular. I can grant to the pickiest Pig Destroyer Fan that there still isn’t as much slasher-film gore being invoked through samples of such, overtly grotesque lyricism, or scraping guitar tones that mimic the sharping of rusty bone saws. The last 14 minutes of the 25-minute EP are consumed by sample-driven ambient industrial music that the group have definitely had more creative and immersive experiments with. The 11-minute closer, “Sound Walker”, has its flashes of cool industrial manipulation, but given how high Pig Destroyer have set the bar for their ventures into this kind of territory with the cinematic horror of Natasha and even Mass & Volume, this massive track, while a respectable slab of industrial noise ambiance that flows as well as the aforementioned projects, lacks that narrative immersion and grandeur the band have shown to harness so well to bolster their music. For what handful of their talent the band offer here, it’s just enough to remind us of their immense prowess and that they’re still there, watching, waiting.

7/10

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shipinthewoods · 6 years

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look.ship Presents: The Best Music of the Year, 2017 -- I’m sat in my office trying to sum up 2017 as a whole. So far, all I’ve come up with is: Like 2016, but worse. Which, while reductive, is true. I don’t think it’s worth either my or your time to hash out why 2017 was mostly trash, because, frankly, it’s totally obvious, and will be covered ad nauseam in other year-enders. I do think it’s worth pointing out that, for all the bad, it’s possible that we’ve already begun a long, laborious course correction thanks to the hard work and bravery of those who will no longer accept the status quo nor remain silent. 2018 will be interesting. And difficult, but difficult isn’t always bad. Although, it could be bad. Like, really bad. Who knows? Musically, this was a phenomenal year. Culturally speaking, the underground was vital, galvanized, queerer, and less commodifiable than ever--awake, engaged, prodding gleefully at the fringes of human experience. As most of you know, I occasionally write for The Quietus. Over there, they’ve spent much of the year exploring what they’ve termed New Weird Britain, an amorphous, loosely defined movement of diverse, idiosyncratic artists engaged in exploring the complete potential of their specific place and the experiences they might have in it. It’s a holistic approach, in terms of both topic and execution. There’s room for everything from the landscape to history to alternative religion to politics to sex to etc. It’s brilliant. The real deal--not just white-bread garage rockers playing at being strange-o. But what I think--or at least, what I hope is that what John Doran, Luke Turner, &co. have identified is their regional variant of a global phenomenon. Maybe 2018 is the year New Weird bubbles over. New Weird Everywhere. We’d all be better off. This year, we’ve decided to do things a little differently here at look.ship. In lieu of breaking down our albums-of-the-year list into shortlists organized by genre, we’ve ranked the top 25 of our 75 selections in order to give you a better idea of what dominated our editor’s home stereo (and make the list a bit more digestible). The remainder of the selections are arranged in alphabetical order. It should be noted that these are not runners up or honorable mentions or somehow lesser than. Though definitively not comprehensive--how could we listen to everything?--this is our list of the best records of the year, period. On some level, given the constant apples and oranges comparisons inherent in such an endeavor, we still think ranking albums is a little bogus. Ranking beyond 25? That becomes a frustratingly arbitrary exercise. However, selecting our album of the year was easy. Nothing came close to Hiro Kone’s Love Is the Capital, 38 nearly perfect minutes of desolate soundscapes, crystalline industrial techno, and incisive political bangers. A supremely confident record of rare grace and generosity, it demands the listener’s complete attention and begs to be repeated, proving more rewarding with every listen. (For more, feel free to click through to my interview with Hiro Kone -->here<--) In addition to our albums of the year, you’ll find our top ten live recordings, compilations, and reissues; top ten EPs & 12″s; live performances of the year; and labels of the year. Where possible, we've included Bandcamp embeds. Otherwise, we've used Soundcloud or YouTube, which really mucked up our formatting. Read on to explore the wide array of sounds that made 2017 worth tolerating.

-- Albums of the Year, 2017: Top 25 -- 1. Hiro Kone – Love Is the Capital (Geographic North)

Love is the Capital by Hiro Kone

2. Bjørn Torske & Prins Thomas – Square One (Smalltown Supersound)

Square One by Bjørn Torske & Prins Thomas

3. Fever Ray – Plunge (Mute / Rabid)

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4. Equiknoxx – Colón Man (DDS)

5. Perc – Bitter Music (Perc Trax)

Bitter Music by Perc

6. Virginia Wing & XAM Duo – Tomorrow’s Gift (Fire)

Tomorrow's Gift by VIRGINIA WING and XAM DUO

7. Bicep – Bicep (Ninja Tune)

Bicep by Bicep

8. Country Florist – Waveland (Drawing Room)

Waveland by Country Florist

9. Moon Diagrams – Lifetime of Love (Geographic North / Sonic Cathedral)

Lifetime of Love by Moon Diagrams

10. Andrew Hung – Realisationship (Lex)

Realisationship by Andrew Hung

11. Forest Swords – Compassion (Ninja Tune)

Compassion by Forest Swords

12. Colleen – A flame my love, a frequency (Thrill Jockey)

A flame my love, a frequency by Colleen

13. NoinoNoinoNoino – 8 (Caoutchou)

8 by NoinoNoinoNoino

14. The Cyclist – Sapa Inca Delirium (Hypercolour)

Sapa Inca Delirium by The Cyclist

15. Clark – Death Peak (Warp)

16. Mount Kimbie – Love What Survives (Warp)

17. Lindstrøm – It’s Alright Between Us As It Is (Smalltown Supersound)

It's Alright Between Us As It Is by Lindstrøm

18. James Holden & The Animal Spirits – Animal Spirits (Border Community)

19. JASSS – Weightless (iDeal)

20. Kaitlyn Aurelia Smith – The Kid (Western Vinyl)

The Kid by Kaitlyn Aurelia Smith

21. Blanck Mass – World Eater (Sacred Bones)

World Eater by Blanck Mass

22. Ninos Du Brasil – Vida Eterna (Hospital Productions)

Vida Eterna by Ninos Du Brasil

23. Expressway Yo-Yo Dieting – Undone Harmony Following (Type)

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24. Snapped Ankles – Come Play the Trees (The Leaf Label)

Come Play The Trees by Snapped Ankles

25. Gnod – JUST SAY NO TO THE PSYCHO RIGHT-WING CAPITALIST FASCIST INDUSTRIAL DEATH MACHINE (Rocket Recordings)

JUST SAY NO TO THE PSYCHO RIGHT-WING CAPITALIST FASCIST INDUSTRIAL DEATH MACHINE by Gnod

-- Albums of the Year, 2017: 26 - 75 -- Auburn Lull – Hypha (Azure Vista)

Hypha by Auburn Lull

Basic Rhythm – The Basics (Type)

The Basics by Basic Rhythm

Ben Frost – The Centre Cannot Hold (Mute)

The Centre Cannot Hold by Ben Frost

Blondes – Warmth (R&S)

Warmth by Blondes

The Body & Full of Hell – Ascending a Mountain of Heavy Light (Thrill Jockey)

Ascending a Mountain of Heavy Light by The Body & Full of Hell

British Sea Power – Let the Dancers Inherit the Party (Golden Chariot)

Coldcut & On-U Sound – Outside the Echo Chamber (Ahead Of Our Time)

Outside The Echo Chamber by Coldcut x On-U Sound

Dale Cornish – Aqal (Entr’acte)

Aqal by Dale Cornish

Dalham – Waves (Public House)

Waves by Dalham

Dominowe – SiyaThakatha (Gqom Oh!)

Dominowe - SiyaThakatha by Dominowe

Downtown Boys – Cost of Living (Sub Pop)

Cost of Living by Downtown Boys

Emptyset – Borders (Thrill Jockey)

Borders by Emptyset

Escape-ism – Introduction to Escape-ism (Merge)

Introduction to Escape-ism by ESCAPE-ISM

Feature – Banishing Ritual (Upset The Rhythm)

Banishing Ritual by FEATURE

Golden Teacher – No Luscious Life (Golden Teacher)

No Luscious Life by Golden Teacher

Great Ytene – Locus (Faux Discx)

Locus by Great Ytene

Grey Hairs – Serious Business (Gringo)

Serious Business by Grey Hairs

H. Hawkline – I Romanticize (Heavenly)

Hey Colossus – The Guillotine (Rocket Recordings)

The Guillotine by Hey Colossus

Institute – Subordination (Sacred Bones)

Subordination by Institute

Jack Cooper – Sandgrown (Trouble In Mind)

Sandgrown by Jack Cooper

James Place – Voices Bloom (Umor Rex)

Voices Bloom by James Place

Jon Brooks – Autres Directions (Clay Pipe)

Autres Directions by Jon Brooks

Karen Gwyer – Rembo (Don’t Be Afraid)

Rembo by Karen Gwyer

Kedr Livanskiy – Ariadna (ариадна) (2MR)

Ariadna (ариадна) by Kedr Livanskiy

Kelela – Take Me Apart (Warp)

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Kelly Lee Owens – Kelly Lee Owens (Smalltown Supersound)

Kelly Lee Owens (Extended Version) by Kelly Lee Owens

Kemper Norton – Hungan (Self-released)

Hungan by Kemper Norton

Kevin Morby – City Music (Dead Oceans)

City Music by Kevin Morby

Liars – TFCF (Mute)

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Mogwai – Every Country’s Sun (Temporary Residence / Rock Action)

Every Country's Sun by Mogwai

Nathan Fake – Providence (Ninja Tune)

Providence by Nathan Fake

Nidia Minaj - Nídia É Má, Nídia É Fudida (Principe)

Nídia é Má, Nídia é Fudida by NÍDIA

Panayotis – Hawaiiprus (Honest Electronics)

Hawaiiprus (HE04) by Panayotis

Part Chimp – Iv (Rock Action)

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Phillippe Hallais – An American Hero (Modern Love)

The Proper Ornaments – Foxhole (Slumberland / Tough Love)

Foxhole by The Proper Ornaments

Protomartyr – Relatives in Descent (Domino)

Relatives In Descent by Protomartyr

Richard Dawson – Peasant (Domino)

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Shackleton & Anika – Behind the Glass (Woe To The Septic Heart)

Behind The Glass by Shackleton with Anika

Shinichi Atobe – From the Heart, It’s a Start, a Work of Art (DDS)

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Spoek Mathambo – Mzansi Beat Code (Teka)

Mzansi Beat Code by Spoek Mathambo

STILL – I (PAN)

I by STILL

Teengirl Fantasy – 8AM (Planet Mu)

8AM by Teengirl Fantasy

Terry – Remember Terry (Upset The Rhythm)

Remember Terry by Terry

Tim Darcy – Saturday Night (Secretly Canadian)

Saturday Night by Tim Darcy

TLC Fam – Isbethelo seGqom (Gqom Oh!)

TLC Fam - Isbethelo seGqom by TLC Fam

Turinn – Eighteen and a Half Minute Gaps (Modern Love)

Ulrika Spacek – Modern English Decoration (Tough Love)

Modern English Decoration by Ulrika Spacek

The World – First World Record (Upset The Rhythm)

FIRST WORLD RECORD by The World

-- Top Ten Live Recordings, Reissues, & Compilations -- 1. Blood Sport – Live at Café OTO (Howling Owl)

Live At Cafe Oto by Blood Sport

2. Normil Hawaiians – More Wealth Than Money (Upset The Rhythm)

3. Bamboo – The Dragon Flies Away (Upset The Rhythm)

4. Maximum Joy – I Can’t Stand It Here on Quiet Nights (Silent Street)

I Can't Stand It Here On Quiet Nights: Singles 1981-82 by MAXIMUM JOY

5. Dub Syndicate – Ambience in Dub: 1982 – 1985 (On-U Sound)

Ambience In Dub 1982-1985 by Dub Syndicate

6. Hood – The Cycle of Days and Seasons / Rustic Houses, Forlorn Valleys (Domino)

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7. Jay Glass Dubs – Dubs (Ecstatic)

8. Various – Mutual Ground (Honest Electronics)

Mutual Ground (HE03) by Various Artists

9. The Knife – Live at Terminal 5 (Rabid)

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10. Pye Corner Audio – Sleep Games (Ghost Box)

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-- Top Ten EPs & 12″s -- 1. Blood Sport – “Harsh Realm” / “Boiled in Dust” (Return To Disorder)

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2. Dale Cornish – Cut Sleeve (Halcyon Veil)

Cut Sleeve by Dale Cornish

3. The Bug – “Bad” / “Get Out the Way” (Ninja Tune)

Bad / Get Out The Way by The Bug

4. Panayotis – Sawaiiphur (Honest Electronics)

Sawaiiphur (HE06) by Panayotis

5. RAW SILVER – Thanatos (Honest Electronics)

Thanatos (HE05) by RAW SILVER

6. Forest Swords – “Congregate” / “Free” (Ninja Tune)

Congregate by Forest Swords

7. Total Control, Laughing at the System (Alter)

Laughing At The System by Total Control

8. Café Ale – Transformative Nature (Geographic North)

Transformative Nature by Café Ale

9. Holy Fuck – Bird Brains (Innovative Leisure)

Bird Brains EP by Holy Fuck

10. Fujiya & Miyagi – EP3 (Impossible Objects of Desire)

FUJIYA & MIYAGI by Fujiya & Miyagi

-- Live Performances of the Year -- Steven Warwick and Benjamin Wardell performing "Figuring Space (on the Mezzanine)" to close out Lampo's season at the Stony Island Arts Bank in Chicago -- Cattle live at Supernormal, Braziers Park, Oxfordshire, UK

-- Labels of the Year -- Geographic North Gqom Oh! Honest Electronics Smalltown Supersound Upset The Rhythm

-- Label of the Year, Emeritus -- Faux Discx

-- In the next couple of weeks, keep an eye out for special episodes of SHIP/SHAPE/SUNDAY featuring our favorite recordings of 2017. – Bernie Brooks is the editor-in-chief and bloggist of look.ship. *Everything* he writes or compiles or otherwise makes–or has *ever* written, compiled, or otherwise made–for A Ship In The Woods is editorial content, and as such reflects his opinion alone, not necessarily that of Ship as an organization. Actually, this applies to all the content on look.shipinthewoods.com, regardless of who wrote or said it. He can be e-mailed: bernie [at] shipinthewoods [dot] com -- Image of Steven Warwick and Benjamin Wardell performing at Stony Island Arts Bank by Bernie Brooks.

#albums of the year #best of #AOTY #2017 #AOTY 2017 #best of 2017 #albums of the year 2017 #Bernie Brooks #A Ship In The Woods

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