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rosepascal · 1 year

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Taken It Easy | Joel Miller Smut

summary: “Don’t fucking stop, baby.” or you ride a cowboy (even if Joel says he ain't one)

warnings: Smut, NSFW 18+, Minors DNI, oral (male receiving), afab!reader, swearing, Pre!outbreak Joel so he's 35, creampie, unprotected, badly written southern accent lol

a/n: After those esquire pictures i had to cook something up for our man Joel here

You hated watching Joel work such long hours. He worked hard and it seemed he never let himself take a break or even breathe. Especially this week, Sarah was off on a week long trip with her best friends and you know that Joel is probably living off beer and Chinese take out. It sounds bad but you're almost happy that he got hurt on the job.

Nothing serious but enough to keep him home on recovery. When Tommy called you didn't hesitate to volunteer for nurse duty. Joel's very capable but he couldn't take care of himself for shit. You expected to see him on the couch or in bed but when you walked into his house he was nowhere to be found.

"Dammit." You huff as you set down the bag you brought. Heading upstairs you find him in Sarah's room. Moving heavy furniture that he definitely shouldn't be moving.

"Joel Miller!" You scold and he jumps.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Crossing your arms you stare him down. Not intimated by the man in the slightest.

"Sarah's been buggin' me about this drawer." He says simply.

"Get your ass on the couch cowboy." He starts to argue but you shake your head.

"You're not wining this one Joel." He winces as he pulls himself up and makes his way downstairs. Opening his fridge you sigh at the sight of empty shelves and a pack of beer.

"You're gonna die at an early age if all you're eating is beer and eggs Joel." He shrugs and turns on the TV to some mindless show.

He's not used to doing nothing and it drives him a little crazy. But it's easier with you around. He watches as you move around his home, it comes with such ease. You know the place like the back of your hand because it's practically your home.

"Come sit please, watching you run around is makin' me dizzy." He smiles that sweet smile and you can't say no. Falling onto the couch next to him and wasting no time in snuggling up to him.

"I ain't a cowboy by the way." He says and you furrow your eyebrows in confusion.

"Earlier you called me a cowboy." Sure he may not really be one. But you don't really care about that. What you do know is your boyfriend is one strong, sexy, southern man.

"I don't know, you got that accent. Strong hands, look sexy in jeans." You purr as you run your hand down his chest. His eyes darken as he lets out a small groan.

"Can't be sayin' that kinda stuff to me baby." He reaches over for you but stops, cursing under his breath a shot of pain runs through his body.

"Just lay back cowboy, let me give ya the ride of a lifetime." You tease as you gently push his shoulders back.

Your lips are on his in an instant as his hands roam your body, squeezing and slipping under your shirt to feel your bare skin.

"Let me take care of you alright?" He nods and you move his hands off your body and onto the couch.

Unbuckling his belt as quickly as you can to set his hardening cock free. He lifts his hips to pull down his jeans and boxers as you strip down to your underwear. Your hands wrap around his cock and pump it slow and hard.

"Everything really is bigger in Texas." He rolls his eyes at your shitty joke and bucks his hips up.

"Shut up." He grumbles.

Grinning you lick from the base to his tip, moaning loudly as he twitches in your hands. You continue to tease him as you kitten lick his tip, loving the way he grips the couch and throws his head back in pleasure. The steady pumping of your hand is nice and all but he craves to be buried deep into that tight cunt.

"Enough of that, get up here." He commands and you climb into his lap. He snaps the band of your panties and you whine. He slips two fingers deep inside of you without warning making you groan.

"Already this wet for me." He says with a smirk as he pulls them out.

"Need you now." You growl as you slide your panties to the side and sit on his dick.

"Fuck!" His hands fly to your hips as nothing but pleasure consumes him.

He wasn't expecting you to take all of him at once but he sure as hell wasn't complaining. You waste no time in bouncing hard and fast on his cock. Focused on Joel and him alone.

Your hands weave into his hair as you shove his face into your chest. His lips messily kiss all over your shoulder and neck. Biting down on your shoulder as you fuck his cock into you.

“Don’t fucking stop, baby.” He begs as his starts to move your hips.

"Don't plan on it." You purr into his ear. His cock pounds into you, the obscene sounds of sex fill the room as you bounce with no sign of stopping.

"Shit baby, not gonna last long." He grabs your ass and squeezes hard, slapping it hard as you slam down onto him. He tries to pull you off but you resist. Opting to grind down on his thighs instead.

"Want your cum so badly, please please." You whine loudly and he swears.

"Anything you want sweetheart." He wraps his arms around you and thrusts his hips up wildly.

Grunting loudly into your ear until he comes hard. His fingers rub against your clit roughly until you flutter around him. Burying your face in his neck as you bask in the feeling of being completely full. He rubs your back gently, grounding the both of you back to reality.

"How you feeling cowboy?" You ask lazily. He hums and lays down on the couch, pulling a blanket over you.

"Feel fucking amazing." Your head lays on his chest as he turns the TV back on.

"Thought you weren't a cowboy?" You say cheekily. He looks at you and smirks.

"Baby, you can call me whatever the hell you want if it leads to that."

#Joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x you

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mysteriouslybluepirate · 5 months

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Queer Book Recommendations!!

I haven't really read a book book in years. Due to money problems and a lack of free time, audiobooks and AO3 were a MUCH cheaper option for me. But now that I'm struggling to fully read text posts on Tumblr I realize my attention span is shot. Reading novels is helping me tune out and focus in again. So I'm turning to queer novels written by my 'queer elders'.

For anyone who is struggling to get back into long form content after reading Fic for years, I highly recommend the books of TJ KLUNE (summaries of what I've read under the break).

If you are a fan of the 'escaping a shitty life and being welcomed into a found family' fanworks, this is the writer for you! All his stories center on home and feeling welcomed and loved. Of middle age and finding out who you are. Of finding love for others and yourself. He makes you hunger for that type of romantic and platonic love where people just know the real you. His stories also float by so quickly, there are so many things he does that I want to emulate his writing into my work.

Someone on Tumblr described the romances as: “what if a real life disney prince fell in love with the human equivalent of a wet paper bag?” and I agree 100%. All his protagonists are just like that, and I love them all.

(Also, this man definitely had an office job he hated, and writes office work culture as a death sentence in every one of his novels and I love it).

If you have any queer novels you love, don't be afraid to leave me a recommendation! (Especially WLW that isn't 'One Last Stop')

HAVE READ: The House in the Cerulean Sea : [An amazing love fantastical found family story (with a hint of romance)! I listened to the audiobook on Audible and absolutely loved it! I can't wait for the sequel coming out next year.]

Linus Baker is a lonely case worker for a governmental organization which manages orphaned kids who are magical beings.

One day, he's given a secret assignment to assess a special orphanage on the island of Marsyas, run by a man named Arthur Parnassus, who has secrets of his own. Among the six unique children living there, one of them is Lucy, short for Lucifer, who just happens to be the Antichrist.

Despite his initial reservations, as Linus's days pass in Marsyas, in this idyllic setting among a coterie of magical children, Linus finds himself coming across a little romance, an unlikely family and possibly even a home.

Currently Reading: Under the Whispering Door. [I know this is going to be heartbreaking, but I'm loving it, only on page 50/373. Will likely post something vague about how it made me cry lol]

When a reaper comes to collect Wallace Price from his own funeral, Wallace suspects he really might be dead.

Instead of leading him directly to the afterlife, the reaper takes him to a small village. On the outskirts, off the path through the woods, tucked between mountains, is a particular tea shop, run by a man named Hugo. Hugo is the tea shop's owner to locals and the ferryman to souls who need to cross over.

But Wallace isn't ready to abandon the life he barely lived. With Hugo's help, he finally starts to learn about all the things he missed in life.

When the Manager, a curious and powerful being, arrives at the tea shop and gives Wallace one week to cross over, Wallace sets about living a lifetime in seven days.

Planning on reading: In The Lives of Puppets(The book is on my shelf).

In a strange little home built into the branches of a grove of trees, live three robots—fatherly inventor android Giovanni Lawson, a pleasantly sadistic nurse machine, and a small vacuum desperate for love and attention. Victor Lawson, a human, lives there too. They’re a family, hidden and safe.

The day Vic salvages and repairs an unfamiliar android labelled “HAP,” he learns of a shared dark past between Hap and Gio–a past spent hunting humans.

When Hap unwittingly alerts robots from Gio’s former life to their whereabouts, the family is no longer hidden and safe. Gio is captured and taken back to his old laboratory in the City of Electric Dreams. So together, the rest of Vic’s assembled family must journey across an unforgiving and otherworldly country to rescue Gio from decommission, or worse, reprogramming.

Along the way to save Gio, amid conflicted feelings of betrayal and affection for Hap, Vic must decide for himself: Can he accept love with strings attached?

#They are utter delights #dont be surprised if my next long Izzy fic is inspired by 'under the whispering door' lol #Under the Whispering Door #The House in the Cerulean Sea #tj klune #Sometimes I just want to read a sweet queer love story with people older than 20 god damn it

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sunflowerdaisybee · 2 years

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could you do cc!sapnap x male reader (romantic) where the reader comes home from a family event that wasn’t too good and is just exhausted and sapnap takes care of him ^__^ thank you!!

Ah I totally felt this one, being around my family (any member really) is so draining and I just wanna crawl into bed with my cat and sleep for a week lol, anyways I know this is late but I hope you enjoy anyways! :]

Pairing: Sapnap X Reader

Pronouns: None used but male intended

[A/n]: Requests are open! Feel free to swing by :]

You blinked slowly as you unlocked the door, your key jamming and getting stuck as you tiredly tried to tug it free. The last thing you need was your door blocking you from getting into your home and getting some rest, especially after dealing with your family all day. That isn’t to say you hate your family, it’s just that family gatherings with them, or generally spending extended periods of time with them, can be exhausting and generally shitty. Thankfully you got to come home to the warm embrace of your bed and the even warmer hold of your boyfriend.

“(Y/n), hey!” Sapnap had been waiting for you by the door, having heard your struggle with your keys and approaching to greet you. His cheery greeting was meant to be followed with even brighter questions, but seeing how you were in the current moment, he decided to hold off. “Everything ok?” He approached you slowly, pulling you gently into a hug as the door swung closed behind you. Sapnap knew everything wasn’t ok, with how quickly you sunk into his arms, your limbs wrapping around him and hands grasping at his shirt, it was obvious. Everything about you clearly stated how you were feeling, tired, and done with today.

As expected, your response was nothing more than a grumble of how your family sucks and how you missed him, the usual response given when you were forced to be around family.

“Why don’t you take your shoes off and go change into some comfy clothes? I’ll grab some snacks and set the bed up with your favorite blankets and pillows ok?” You nodded, slowly letting Sapnap go after holding him another moment. Taking off your shoes and changing was easy, waiting for Sapnap was not. You had been apart from him all day and wanted so desperately to cuddle him, to lay in bed with him as he chatted mindlessly about some new game he started playing or a new idea he had for a stream. You could listen to Sapnap talk for hours, especially when you weren’t in the mood to talk.

“All comfy and cozy?” Walking into the room, arms full of snacks and drinks, was your beloved boyfriend. He made quick work of the snacks, setting them up in a place where you could reach them without them being in the way or anything, his next job being blankets and pillows. Most of those had already been on the bed, as he liked to lay with them when you were gone, but a few had been stored so as to not crowd the bed. All of these were tossed not at you, but on the bed and in your general direction.

“Sap,” You hadn’t meant to whine at him like that but you really had missed him, asking for him to hurry with only a brief call of his name. He, of course, understood and did his best to pick up the pace, collecting up everything he had thrown and settling it around you. He then settled himself in beside you, smiling as you instantly clung to him.

“Mm, I missed you today. I actually got so bored without you here that I started looking for new games and,” Sapnap started off on the long, mostly one-sided, chat you had expected. Occasionally you would pipe up with some words or a hum in response but you mostly focused on his voice, allowing it to relax all your tense muscles and thoughts.

Sapnap didn’t mind how the conversation ran, he knew you would be drained after such an event and that you’d speak about it when you were ready. He had grown accustomed to comforting you in such manners whenever you’d return from particularly bad family outings, and he knows you’d do the same for him if need be.

Taglist: (if you’d like to be tagged for fics just let me know!)

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purplesurveys · 2 years

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1499 - a couple in one

are you someone who can do without having time for yourself? I don’t get this question. Don’t we all sort of need time for ourselves? I’ve experienced bouts of not being able to provide myself that, and the effects are always shitty.

where was the last place you turned a job application to? This e-commerce company, under their PR arm. It was just a spur of the moment thing that I wanted to try and surprisingly I’ve passed all the stages (one interview, two exams) so far, but they haven’t gotten back to me since my second interview a week ago. I feel like I’ve been kicked out at this point, but I don’t feel like sending over an email to check in. If I pass and the money’s good I might take it, but if it falls through I wouldn’t be upset about it.

do you give your number out to people easily? Sure. If I get a message that I don’t like it’s easy to block numbers.

what’s your favorite song by Drake? Passionfruit or Jumpman.

the last time you went out what were you wearing? What was I wearing...oh that day was a lazy outfit day for me lmao. I only wore a black jumpsuit and a white shirt underneath. That was a day after my second booster shot and was still feeling the aftereffects of my fever, so I dressed up only for the sake of covering myself up.

when you’re first getting learning something are you a quick learner or does it take you longer until you’re comfortable? I am generally a slow learner. It takes me a while to adapt to especially new situations, and when it comes to unfamiliar tasks I need to redo them over and over and over again to be familiar (and comfortable) with the process.

have you ever used skype? if yes, who was the last person you chatted with? I did encounter Skype but only through my mom’s account, because that was the app we used to video-chat with my dad, like, 13 years ago lol. He was the only person I talked to in the times I used Skype.

out of the jobs you’ve had which has taught you the most as far as job experience goes? I’ve only had one job but it has been extremely helpful. I feel like I’ve changed a lot (all in good ways) because of it - I’m more extroverted, I’ve become a better problem solver, a much quicker thinker, unafraid to speak up in a crowd. It’s been a lot to take in and I’ve been super grateful. what’s been the biggest adjustment you had to make from you current job and the previous one? I haven’t had any other job before this current one.

are there any places that you go to where you just relax and can clear your mind? If not my bedroom, either a coffee shop or a museum.

honestly, how would you describe yourself as a worker? I’m quick at my tasks, probably the most uptight deadline-oriented person, and I guess to an extent proactive. I’m only a team player if everyone is adept and quick at their jobs but otherwise I have little patience for people who work slowly and can’t meet deadlines.

do you use facebook a lot? Yep, and Messenger.

have you recently turned bailed on plans that you had? I did and I initially felt super bad for it. Essentially my night out with Angela coincided with my booster shot appointment in the morning; and I was initially still going to push through with the drinking, but then the doctor was like “You can’t drink” and my mom was telling me if I could just ask Angela and the group to have a normal dinner instead of drinking and partying lol. That alternative sucked (who likes a party pooper?) and I initially was going to drink behind her back anyway, but then at some point in the day I felt too lazy to get all dressed up and drive lol so I told Angela I might just have to bail because, simply put, I got too lazy.

Anyway my decision turned out to be right because I got a fever and it absolutely fucked me up that night.

do you know of somebody having feelings for you right now who you’re not committed to? Nope.

is there anything you can say you truly hate? Racism.

Look at your nails; Do they need to be cut? Nah. I’ve been feeling anxiety these days so my nails are currently pretty short from being bitten. What is the last gift you received and from who? Dunno if it counts as a gift, but Andi had sent over a strawberry cake (all the way from Baguio!) a few days after Kimi died. Like they literally went to Baguio for a weekend staycation, bought the cake, made the entire drive home cake in tow, and had it delivered to me once they were back in Manila. It was so incredibly sweet of them.

Have you been on any type of online messengers today? Messenger for personal use; Viber, Telegram, and Whatsapp for various work chats. So the short and simple answer is yes.

Who was the last person you called? A dental clinic to check if they had walk-in slots available that day, because I was having a bout of toothache.

What are you wearing on your feet? Nothing. I don’t wear anything on it when I’m indoors.

About how many hours of sleep did you get last night? I actually slept early last night, around 1...that gave me about 8 hours of sleep.

Can you crack your toes? No. I don’t think I’ve ever heard them crack before, even accidentally.

What are you currently dressed in? Just a white duster.

What was the last thing you watched on the TV? I haven’t watched TV in a while, but the last thing I looked up on YouTube was J-Hope’s Arson music video because of course.

What was the last thing you looked up on Google? The Korean lyrics for Arson. There’s a part in the song that has a RIDICULOUSLY good flow it’s sick, and I wanted to learn the lyrics so I could rap along in Korean whenever it comes on.

When did you cry last? Why? Yesterday. Angela’s cousin miraculously got soundcheck tickets to the Seventeen concert and they had it all on video when her payment came through and the website confirmed her tickets (she had been trying for two days beforehand). Anyway, she shared the clip with me and I couldn’t help but cry when I watched the screaming and crying reaction, haha.

What is your state’s minimum wage? I’m not actually sure; I had to Google. Apparently it’s ₱570, or a little over $10.

Are you listening to any music right now? If so, what are you listening to? Yes, Future by J-Hope. Quickly becoming a favorite from the new album, which I’ve had on repeat the entire evening so far lol.

Is your hair naturally straight? Yeps.

Do you own a pair of slippers? I do.

Is there anyone that you’re mad at right now? Nah.

Who was the last person to make you genuinely smile? Hmm. Maybe my sister. Our conversation always has a joke or two snuck into it, so I always end up smiling or laughing when talking to hear.

What kind of cologne/perfume do you like the opposite sex to wear? I don’t have a preferred scent on guys. As long as they don’t smell gross lmao, then it’s fine with me.

When was the last time you went on a cleaning spree? I can’t remember. I’ve been so busy these days; and at this point, I honestly think I’ve fallen into another bout of depression. I recently realized I’ve been skipping showers and have let clutter accumulate in my room and it’s been hard even to just get up and throw them away. I’m chalking it up to cumulative grief following Kimi’s death and my current job crisis.

Where are you planning to go on your next vacation? I don’t really have anything planned out yet. Angela and I always say we’ll go to Korea but that doesn’t look like it’s happening any time soon, hahaha.

Is there something you want to say to someone but can’t/won’t? No, I’m good.

#survey #surveys

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fangirl-rose1029 · 4 months

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I rarely post on here but I’ve been having the shittiest past 2 days and with everything else I’ve been dealing I’m about to breakdown.. so guys please don’t feel like you have to actually read this you can scroll right past it I just need to rant.

So back in July I got a new job I had just turned 27 and I was with a great guy, felt like this was my year. Nope. 2 weeks before I was to start my new job, my boyfriend ended things with me he did it very respectfully which made it even harder for me to hate him and it broke my heart and to make things worse I got an std from him a week before. After the break up I figured with my new job it will keep me busy. I work at a children’s museum and I’ve been there 5 months and I fucking hate it there. Management is so fucking disorganized it’s a joke, my boss is an unprofessional bitch she treats us with no respect and our hourly wage is not a livable income especially for the work we do they could add another dollar or 2. Especially if they have the money to replace/touch up the marble floor. If it weren’t for my coworkers and us supporting one another, I would’ve gone bat shit crazy. Outside of work life I started seeing another guy and he seems like a nice guy but I’m not sure where it’s going. All I know is after I returned from Christmas vacation I wasn’t feeling well “down there” so I went to my doctor yesterday to get tested and I am PRAYING it’s not another std because if it is I’m going to end things with him because on our second date before we got into it I was upfront with him about my previous diagnosis. Now bring us to today I go outside to put air in my tires because before I left for the holiday I had the low pressure light come on my dashboard and I was like I’ll deal with this when I come home. It was more than low air.. I had a damn flat tire. So on top of a shitty boss, a possible std god I’m hoping it’s only a yeast infection now I have to buy new tires.. I literally just got paid today too and I’m already blowing through it between cc bills and car bills etc. anyways that’s where I am today lol😭

Oh! And I also have to deal with a delusional aunt where every time I have a conversation with her when I talk about how I’m doing she’ll bring the conversation back to her and what she’s been dealing with. And it’s the same thing every . Single. Time. She’s currently seeing a therapist and the therapist claims she’s doing well but I think it’s because my aunt isn’t telling her everything she’s feeling. And my cousin and sister agree because they experience the same thing when they talk to my aunt.

Anyways… for those who did read my little rant, thank you🥺🙏🏼Like I mentioned before I just needed to vent, let everything off my chest. I’ve been dealing with a lot of anxiety to the point where I am having anxiety attacks. Not fun. Again thank you for listening/reading. Love you and appreciate you! Here’s to hoping 2024 brings a better year for everyone

#anxiety sucks #the last couple months of 2023 have not been treating me well

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daydreaming-in-daisies · 2 years

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just me complaining/venting about my burnout under the cut feel free to read lol

it's become pretty obvious that i need some sort of significant change in my life. let me just first highlight all of the things that are bothering me at the moment:

1. my full time job consuming damn near all of my time during the week. it was especially busy this week, leaving me exhausted and not wanting to do other things. it's work from home, which is better than having to go to some depressing ass cubicle. but i literally can't leave my house for most of the day, it sucks. especially since it's summer and i want to go out and take walks, get groceries, eat out, etc. i get pretty bad seasonal depression during winter, so during summer there's a pretty noticeable difference in my mood. however, it's a bit different this year given all the stuff i'm doing right now. this is literally an entry level customer service job, why the fuck do i need to be doing this bullshit all day?

2. the fact that i haven't graduated college yet. i know it's now pretty common to take more than 4 years to graduate college (most of my friends took or are taking like 5-8 years), but it just all feels so tedious now. i feel i've been in school for too long and i also really dislike my major, so i just feel tired of it all. im really hoping i'll be able to graduate by the end of this year and that my mental health, having to take additional credits, etc wont get in the way of that.

3. i've started marketing for my business and even though i literally just started a few weeks ago, i feel shitty about the fact that the account isn't getting much engagement. apparently, the IG algorithm has changed recently and now favors accounts that are spending money on ads. i'm gonna test out some other methods, but i just hate the fact that i'm not getting the results i was expecting. i know i sound mad impatient lol. i just really want this to work because i genuinely don't know what else i want to do as a career for now. tbh, i dont even know if i care to have a "career" in this shitty capitalist system.

4. i'm kind of over living in the state that i do. the quality of life is here is great and i do like it when it's warm out. but the thing is, it's cold as shit most of the year and i've been here for over a decade at this point. i didn't even choose to live here either lol. i don't know for sure if i just need to travel more often after i graduate or if i just need to straight up leave, but i have a feeling im gonna have to move out sometime fairly soon (in the next few years, i mean). i want to live somewhere warm, i was looking at san diego, santa monica, and carmel-by-the-sea (all in CA). though it's pretty expensive over there. moving is also contingent on how much money i have, which is why i'm so stressed out about my business. the other alternative would just be to move into my own place and travel as often as i can.

5. i'm just now coming to terms with the fact that i spent all of my teenage years and early 20s in a cult and didn't even realize it until recently. i can't give much detail as to what kind of cult it was, otherwise my identity will be super obvious to anyone who might potentially know me reading this. i can say that i officially left in december 2021, but i essentially ignored the ways in which it traumatized me for months and i actually cried while talking about it to a therapist a few days ago. i try to move on from things that no longer serve me fairly quickly, so i just ignored it for months. but it was essentially a cult of toxic positivity mixed in with pseudoscientific bullshit, gaslighting, victim blaming, spiritual "hustle culture", and conspiracies (depending on who you talk to). its super popular now and you've probably heard of it, like i cant even go online without seeing something about it. it's not like i get severely triggered whenever i see it. i don't start crying or hyperventilating or anything like that, but i do flinch a little or make a face of annoyance or disgust, maybe even roll my eyes a bit. when people talk about it around me in person, i can't help but to get a little annoyed. if you go through my blog a little you might be able to figure out what it is. but it affected how i make friends, how i view people, how i view the world, and just about every other aspect of my life. now that its no longer a part of my life, i feel pretty hopeless without it. i genuinely thought i could do anything with my life when i was part of that cult, but now, i have certain anxieties that didnt exist before. whats funny is that the cult is pretty much the reason why i was depressed and anxious for so long. i don't feel as bad now that i've left, but i do still feel anxious and sad, but it's a different kind of anxiousness and sadness.

6. even though i've been trying to go out and make friends these past few months, i feel like i dont connect with the people i'm meeting. granted, this is just one group of girls and tbh our group chat has kind of died down. i'm trying to see if i can go to a different meetup tomorrow and hang out with some of the people there. we're just gonna go for a walk, which is much needed after feeling alone and isolated all this week. i really hope i can find some genuine, best girl friends who are similar to me. i do have good friends, but i dont see them very often. i'd like someone who i can see more consistently who i have things in common with. i've actually had a "best friend" before and would really love to have that.

7. i haven't been eating as much or as well as i should be since i tend to not eat a lot when im stressed and/or generally feeling shitty. i've also been breaking out a bit due to stress and period hormones from this past week. so yeah, i kinda look and feel like shit rn lmao.

8. capitalism and just the general state of the world and the US rn. honestly at this point im fucking tired of people doing things that aren't actually productive or helpful, like calling for random, unorganized strikes or having these lame ass protests. not trying to incite anything for legal reasons, but a whole revolution needs to happen and i don't think we're ready for that rn. it'll probably happen again, just not now. i know this issue is way bigger than me, but the cult i was in was always preaching about money being easy to get and how if you're poor it's your fault. since leaving, i've educated myself more on how fucked up capitalism is and how it really is the root of like 99% of the problems we face on earth. so yeah, fuck capitalism and fuck that cult i was in and anybody who subscribes to either of those ideas. thanks for coming to my ted talk ✨

#words #vent #personal #thoughts #wow this is long af

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razzle-berry · 3 years

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I have to get this off my chest cuz damn if no one wants to say it, I will! We all know how shitty Quirk society is when it comes to mutation quirks, being quirkless, subtle quirks, or quirks that are just perceived as evil. So I’d like to request hc’s of Shoji, Shinsou, Aizawa, and Fatgum with an s/o that hates people that judge quirks or try to let the bullshit slide.

For example, Shoji’s s/o dislikes Pony from Class 1-B for how she insulted Shoji’s appearance despite not knowing him at all, so she tends to keep a stone face or glare on anyone like that unless they apologize. Would deadass say “He’s not the monster here, you are.”

Shinsou’s s/o would openly call people cowards/idiots for antagonizing Shinsou’s quirk when it could be used for interrogating villains and subtletly get information from enemy sources, so she’s more than happy to defend him and others like him.

And Aizawa’s/Fatgum’s s/o just openly points out the bullshit ethics of the society for how no one should be discriminated or ranked for their quirk since they can’t help being born with whatever quirk they have and even calls out pro-hero’s that holds the whole “flashy quirk >” mindset *cough*Endeavor*cough* since it could demotivate and make others insecure about being a hero or even using their quirks at all.

This was long but quirk discrimination got me heated and I rarely see anyone talk about it or do hc’s about it.

I feel you. I hate this so much too especially because so many people have or may have suffered in the show because of this! I was actually just talking about this with one of my friends earlier lol.

There's going to be a bit if a stylistic change with this hc so bear with me please.

Warnings: Discrimination, swearing, Y/N is about to go off on someone, slight angst ig

Character(s): Shoji, Shinso, Aizawa, Fatgum

Mezo Shoji

Let’s just start off by saying that anybody who has the audacity to call Shoji a monster can catch not just his your, but my hands as well. This man is so strong, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well to not let the blatant discrimination turn him away from wanting to be a hero. (Absolutely no hate to those who did go down that path because of it though, they still valid)

Shoji can, for the most part, handle himself in these situations. While they hurt, he grew up having to deal with it and is sadly used to it

But the first time you went off on someone for judging him, it made him fall deeper in love

“How dare you!” The cafeteria chatter and traffic in the mall seemed to freeze in time as your voice carried out. In front of you was a rather tall man who could have been considered attractive if not for his ugly words. Mezo stood behind you, looking at you in shock at how angry you had become.

“Mezo is an amazing hero, and even better person, and you have the absolute nerve to insult him because of how he looks?”

The man started to sweat underneath your heavy gaze, as well as the whispers that started to grow around you two. Mezo decided to step in and placed a hand on your shoulder.

“Darling, it’s okay.”

“No it’s not.” You sent him a brief smile before turning you glare onto the stranger. “You’re not the monster here, he is.”

Hitoshi Shinso

He’s used to people referring to him as a villain the second they know what his quirk is and by the time we the audience meet him, he’s accepted it

He’s fallen into such a deep pit of insecurity, it’s a wonder he even managed to accept that you weren’t afraid of him, let alone have romantic interest him

The first time he saw you jump to his, or any other person that's like him, defense he was in shock.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Hitoshi stopped and stared at you in shock.

A small villain had tried to keep the restaurant hostage for some reason or another and had a woman at gun point as he talked to the police outside. While currently not on duty, Hitoshi still had his licence and controlled the villain to safely return the woman to her family and turn himself in. He tried to go comfort the woman and see if he needed anything, only for her to scream at him for having such a villainous quirk. Naturally, he was upset but he was willing and ready to move on from the unfortunately common situation and just go back to his lunch date with you. Seemed like you had other plans.

"This man just saved you, and you want to call him a villain? How much of a child do you have to be to think that someone's quirk determines what they become. Hitoshi is a wonderful hero, and his so called 'villainous' quirk has helped save hundreds of people!"

Hitoshi took your hand and started pulling you away from the woman, as you were getting closer.

"Calm down, it's fine. I'm used to it."

"Well you shouldn't be! It's people like this that create the villains in this society. Not everyone is as stubborn as you, hearing that you're going to be a villain based on nothing but something you can't control would break someone enough and have then actually turn into a villain!"

You looked at the woman in absolute rage and disgust.

"I hope you're proud of yourself."

Shota Aizawa

He someone who not only grew up with a non flashy quirk, but also is a hero without a flashy quirk. Barely anyone knows who he is because of that, as well as his underground career. While that's a good thing, all things considered, he was and is still a victim of hero society's discrimination

Shota doesn't like UA's entrance exam because it's impractical, and we know he knows that the bias allows for talented potential heroes to slip through because they're not flashy or physically strong. He would have first hand knowledge of this since it almost happened to him.

You, on the other hand, weren't a hero. At least not one like him. You helped people like him know that they're still able to become heroes, no matter what other may say about their quirks and he loved you for it.

"He might not have a strong physical quirk that allows for flashy moves to appeal to an audience, but that doesn't mean he isn't useful, or powerful."

You two were on a date when a fan, if you could even call him that, had walked up to Shota and started asking questions. All was okay until he asked if he ever felt bad for not being as powerful or useful as someone like All Might or Endeavor.

"Yeah, but he's-"

"His own person with his own accomplishments that you probably never even heard about because the media didn't care enough. He's worth so much more than a fancy quirk and a camera ready smile. Now, go back to whatever you were doing, we are busy."

Shota chuckled and allowed you to pull him along.

"You didn't have to do that, you know."

"Doesn't matter, you are an amazing hero and I don't appreciate anyone saying otherwise because of something so stupid as a flashy quirk. Especially when they compare you to fucking Endeavor of all people!"

Fatgum/Toyomitsu Taishiro

Toyomitsu has a quirk that, on the surface, doesn’t seem very useful for hero work. I imagine that he was made very aware of that growing up, and even as he debuted as a hero.

Not to mention that his quirk, when activated, makes body shape turn into an almost oval, vague snowman shape so that might have set some people off. For such a friendly guy, that would have been a cause for insecurity at one point seeing as he genuinely wants people to be happy.

You were someone who never saw him like that and held him through tougher nights when the media got too harsh on him. You were even someone not afraid to get in front of a reporter’s camera and tear them a new one.

“What kind of a ridiculous question is that?”

It was a few weeks after his debut and some people were still mocking him for his quirk. On the surface, fat absorption didn’t seem like much and for someone who doesn’t know Toyo- excuse me- Fatgum (he’s a hero now, you thought proudly), it might even seem useless. But you knew better, and you thought that it was about time others did too.

“Just because Fatgum’s quirk isn’t flashy and destructive, it doesn’t mean he should feel inadequate next to someone who does have one like that, and I don’t appreciate you insinuating that he should.”

The reporter recoiled slightly, and tried to stutter out a response.

“I'm- I'm not-!"

"Fatgum is already an amazing hero, and he's only going to get better. So you can take your prejudice and find a new job because clearly being a reporter is not a good field for you!"

"Sugar, it's okay!" Fatgum placed his hand on your shoulder and smiled. "I'm just going to have to prove them wrong!"

His cheery demeanor was enough to calm you down a bit, but still you couldn't resist shooting the chastised reporter a sharp glare, causing them to shrink back. You smirked at the sight.

"You already have."

#bnha #bnha x reader #shoji mezo #shoji x reader #hitoshi shinso #shinso x reader #shinsou x reader #aizawa shouta #aizawa x reader #eraserhead #eraserhead x reader #fatgum #fatgum x reader #taishiro toyomitsu #taishiro x reader #tw discrimination #slight angst #but not much

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manonblaqkbeak · 3 years

Text

Worth It

Hello, I’m back for Day 3, a secret relationship. I’m so happy that you guys liked the first prompt, despite the angst lol. This one here isn’t angsty at all, there’s my usual favoured fluff involved, with some Serious Conversations.

Anyway, enjoy!! :)

1.9k words

cw: none

Aelin's mind was buzzing, torn between happiness and nervousness. That was all she could feel ever since the pregnancy test revealed the positive sign over an hour ago and she had just been staring at it since then, wearing nothing but her underwear and one of her favourite hoodies that she had stolen from Rowan long ago.

She and Rowan had talked about children, but had decided that it would be best to have them once things weren't so...complicated. When Aelin would get another job, because all over Rifthold, secretary positions were being offered, but no positions in Rowan's level were being offered.

Because Rowan was her boss, and she was his secretary. And at Havilliard Accounting Firm, office relationships were off the table. If anyone was found out to be in a relationship, it was straight to the HR office for a scolding and a firing; and that the was the absolute last thing that either of them wanted, and since Rowan was her superior, she feared of what would happen to him. Their relationship was equal, there was no manipulation from either side, both of them wanted the relationship and so they decided to be in one.

So Rowan and Aelin dated in secret, keeping their romantic and personal lives out of their professional lives. Which was hard at times, considering that they lived together, and sometimes it was hard to keep a straight face when an unresolved argument was hovering above them, so they had to repeat to themselves about professionalism and boundaries until it was time to go home and fix what problem they were facing at that time.

Aelin hated it, and so did Rowan. It made them feel dirty, like there was something wrong between them, when that was the furthest thing from the truth. When Aelin had first started on the job, she didn't think that she would be with Rowan—honestly, she thought that he was a bit of a bastard, but she got to know him, and found that they had many things in common, and slowly, so slowly, Aelin started to see Rowan in a different light, and when she looked back at that time, she came to the realisation that Rowan had felt the same, that the look he held in his eyes for her were the same as back then.

And once that shared attraction made its appearance, they had fought their feelings for so long, up until a year and a half ago when they had ran into each other at the State Museum on the weekend, had lunch together at the museum cafe and things just went from there.

They made it work, despite the secrecy of it all. Only a few of their friends knew and they promised to keep it to themselves. Absolutely none of the few Whitethorn cousins that worked in the same building knew, as they were complete busybodies and would tell everyone, not at all caring about the circumstances.

None of Aelin's work friends knew either. All they knew was that she was single and not looking for a relationship, that she was focusing on herself before she made any commitments; Rowan had told his work friends something similar.

At first, the secrecy of it all was exciting, like something straight out of the romance novels she adored, but a year and a half later, when they talked about marriage and Aelin had even told him the type of engagement ring she would like, it was becoming tiresome. Aelin just wanted the whole world to know of her love with Rowan, but so far, that was not to be.

Sighing, she wondered back to the now. She supposed she could say that it was the result of a one night stand, but it felt cruel to reduce Rowan to nothing as if was a stranger she fell into bed with and was nothing but a quick fuck after one too many drinks.

Besides, once she had the baby, it would be obvious who the father was. Silver hair and green eyes were dominate in the Whitethorn family, and the chances of her having a silver-haired, green-eyed child was high—it wouldn't take more than two seconds to figure out who the father was, especially if the child inherited Rowan's tanned skin and straight nose.

If the child inherited Aelin's fair skin, her ocean blue eyes, and button nose, however, it might be easier to come up with some story about how someone in Aelin's family had silver hair.

But Aelin didn't want to lie. Didn't want to pass off their child as someone else's.

According to the test, she was seven weeks along, and she was all ready exhausted.

The jingle of keys had Aelin's head snapping up from her seat in the living room, the pregnancy test heavy in her hand.

It was time to tell him. She had to leave work two hours into the day when she was overcome with nausea, and he had kept it professional when he wished her well, but she spotted in the concern in his eyes as he silently asked her if she was okay. Later on, he had texted her, asking if she needed anything from the shops, but she didn't.

Aelin told him she was fine, but now...now she was nervous. Not at all because of Rowan's reaction, but just because of their damned circumstances.

She had never hated the secrecy more until now.

But Aelin made herself smile as he made his way over to her, kissing her on the forehead and asking if she was okay again, once more asking her if she needed him to get her anything. Taking a deep breath, and telling herself that everything would be okay, she clutched the stick in her hand and told him to sit down. He did, his brows furrowed as he looked at her.

Wordlessly, Aelin handed over the test. Rowan took it from her outstretched hand, his eyes wide as he glanced at her, to the test, and then back to her.

“You're pregnant?” he asked, his voice a breathless rush.

Aelin could only nod.

“Fireheart, that's...” he trailed off, Aelin's heart near bursting out of her chest as she waited for his next words, she knew that they'd be positive, but still. Rowan smiled, and it was the most beautiful thing Aelin had ever witnessed. “This is amazing.”

“It is?” The words fell out of her mouth of their own accord. Clearly, she wasn't listening to herself.

Rowan sensed her unease and took her hands in his own, kissing her knuckles as he did. “I know that we've talked about having children later on, but I couldn't be more happy.”

Nodding, Aelin took a deep breath. She was excited too, despite everything. Which was why she said, without a hint of doubt, “I'll hand in my two week notice once I pass the first trimester.”

“Fireheart, I can't ask you to do that,” Rowan said, clutching her hand. “I'll ask for a transfer, and you can stay until you go on maternity leave, and if you still want to quit afterwards and look for work elsewhere, then I'll help you, but you've worked too hard to quit now.”

“Everyone thinks I'm single, Rowan, and I don't want to come up with a horrid about one night stands. We're all ready lying, and I don't want to add more to the pile.”

“The transfer—” Rowan started, but Aelin cut him off.

“You'll just be in a different building, but the company policies will still stand. I know what you're thinking, that in the future I'll resent you and that I'll blame you for making me quit, but I won't. I'm sick of lying, and I know you are too—it's been a year and a half of lies, and with this child are we going to extend that lie for another eighteen years? What if the child is a carbon copy of you? Then all the lies will blow up in our faces. I know you don't think it is, but this is the best option.” Part of her did want to stay, to utilise her maternity leave, but Rowan could be fussy, especially when she wasn't feeling well and if Rowan started fussing over his pregnant secretary then the questions would start flying.

Rowan sighed and was quiet for a long while. “I'm sorry,” he said eventually, “about the lying. I wish it didn't have to be like this. I wish that you didn't think you had to quit, but I understand why.” Again, he hated the whole expandable aspect of it all—but annoyingly, it made more financial sense for Rowan to stay and for Aelin to leave.

Rowan really did hate it, but Aelin had clearly made up her mind, and would not change her mind, she was stubborn.

“I know, but Rowan, I don't regret being with you, not for a moment. I just want to start this journey on a more joyful road. I love you, to whatever end.”

Rowan smiled softly at her, his worries easing away just a little bit at their words—their promise to each other. “To whatever end. We'll figure it out.”

“We will.” Deciding that she wanted to be wrapped in his arms, Aelin snuggled against him, breathing in his pine and snow scent, she was close to drifting off, when Rowan cleared his throat. Glancing up at him, he had a smile on his face, and an unreadable look in his eyes. “What?”

“I suppose now would be a horrible time to propose?”

Sitting back in a blink of an eye, Aelin crossed her arms over her chest and narrowed her eyes at him. “Rowan Whitethorn, if you propose to me while I'm wearing this shitty old hoodie, I swear to the gods, I will singe off your eyebrows right now.”

“So that's a no?” He asked, his lips twitching, eyes swimming with barely concealed mirth at her. Her own lips wanted to rise in a smile, but she slammed it down.

“It's a no for now. I want to be wearing a nice dress, eating good food—but not in a crowd, you know I hate crowd proposals—with a pretty view—”

“I thought that I was the pretty view?” Rowan interrupted, laughing at the glare Aelin sent his way.

“And I forgot the rest of what I was going to say, but I am not being proposed to on a sofa.”

“Okay, no sofa proposals, I can remember that.”

“Good,” Aelin muttered and returned to his arms. They spoke of their future, of their baby and a list of potential names.

X X X X X X

Rowan proposed six months later at the beach, three months to the day that she had quit, with work being none the wiser, until recently, and they got off scott-free since Aelin was no longer employed there. The sky was a beautiful canvas of pink and peach, the only sounds the crashing of the waves, with no people around.

The ring was the exact one she had picked out long ago—a sparkly emerald with size of her fingernail on a gold band.

And it was exactly as she wished it, her in a nice sundress, with good food and ever-growing pretty views.

Having a secret relationship for a year and a half was exhausting, but well worth it in the end.

#rowaelin #rowaelinmonth #fluff #my work

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nessinborderland · 3 years

Text

Be Mine (03)

Pairing: Niragi x Reader / Chishiya x Reader

Genre: Smut, Angst, Fluff, Omegaverse

Word Count: 4.8k

Summary: You were able to stay unbounded throughout your life. You didn't want an Alpha; you didn't need one. You would rather die than to give yourself to some random male. But the man that saved your life thinks differently.

Warnings: Alpha/Omega, Dubious Consent, Vaginal Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Finger fucking, Rough Sex, Rough Kissing, Unprotected Sex, Creampie, Breeding, Pregnancy Kink, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Drama, Developing Relationship, Past Abuse, Scars

Notes: Would like to thank everyone that has been liking, reblogging and commenting on this fic, I see ya’ll and I love you. It means the world to me <3 I’m so glad people are liking my lil Niragi work. My dm’s and ask box are open if you ever feel like saying hi and/or scream over stuff in general with me lol. Enjoy!

AO3 Link Masterlist

You had woken up to an empty bed the next morning. You had laid there, staring at the ceiling and rewinding every moment of the last twenty-four hours in your head, over and over. How things had changed so fast. How so much had happened already. You didn't know if you should feel sad or relieved by Niragi's absence; you weren't sure if you wanted to face him after what had happened last night. You still remembered the look in his eyes, his promise, how he made you feel. It was all so...overwhelming.

A week has passed without you speaking with Niragi. You barely caught a glimpse of him beside the occasional moments where you see him from afar with his group of militants, usually coming from or going on raids. You tried to talk to him on several occasions, but he was out of sight before you could get close enough. You also changed rooms after that first night, and part of you was hoping to see him barge in to take you back to his room. But it never happened.

He is avoiding you.

That or maybe he is usually that busy. Either way, you don’t like how this whole situation makes you feel. Yeah sure, maybe you aren’t exactly being the most approachable person either, but you are...scared. This is all so new for you. His scent has practically disappeared from your skin, and you can feel yourself getting restless again. Especially when he is close.

You don’t see him, but you can feel his eyes on you. You can smell the peppermint in the air every time he is close. You usually walk around the hotel alone or just stay in your bedroom. Walking around by yourself is nerve-wracking; the constant whispers, the stares, the way people either avoid you or get way too close to you. But you can feel him always close by, watching you.

Chishiya.

You honestly don’t know if you should feel safe or afraid. Afraid that he will use his influence as an Alpha to take you as Niragi did the first time you met. At least Chishiya hasn’t tried hunting you down yet. Even though stalking you around like a cat chasing a mouse isn’t much different.

You’re now in a car with Ann, exhausted, wet from head to toe, but alive. Another game where your skills were evaluated; another game where you won without particularly impressing her. You always feel like you’re alive out of sheer luck and the help of others. It bothers you more than you dare to say. You have already been evaluated in games of Clubs and Diamonds, and you’re sure you would be dead if it wasn’t for Ann and the other players.

You can’t understand how people can be so smart at these hell games. Yes, you were successful at solving the riddle that allowed you to win the game of Diamonds, but since when was that impressive? You would still have been eaten by that shark in the game of Clubs without everyone else’s help.

“How are you holding up, Kenji?” you ask the young man sitting beside you. His arm is bandaged with a t-shirt already drenched in blood and his face is pale. He turns to you with a half-smile.

“Alive, thanks to you,” he says, moaning in pain when the car rides over a bump. “Thank you for that, by the way. For coming back for me.”

“It was the right thing to do.” you shrug with a smile, “Besides, I almost got eaten too.”

You can feel Ann’s eyes on you through the rearview mirror. You wonder what she’s thinking. It’s like you’re back in high school, waiting for an important evaluation. You hate it.

The car finally parks in the Beach’s parking lot and you get out, helping Kenji to his feet before two men come to take him to the infirmary. You’re walking away to get inside when Ann calls your name.

“A lot of people wouldn’t have done what you did,” she says. “That was brave of you. And stupid.”

“Uhh, thanks?” you stand there awkwardly as she seems to assess you through those big sunglasses of hers. “I just-”

“What do you see in him?” she asks after a pause, interrupting you. “You have nothing in common.”

You don’t know what to answer; shared interests and personality traits are not exactly what attracted you to each other. You shrug, “Wolf things I guess.” It’s not exactly something easy to explain. You also would rather not give it too much thought.

Ann hums, shaking her head. “Just be careful,” and walks away before you can even think of an answer.

You’re about to make your way inside when the sound of tires screeching makes you look back. The militants arrived from the games. You instantly see Niragi as he gets out of a vehicle, and you desperately want to approach him. He makes his way to the entrance at a fast pace, rifle on his shoulder as he’s followed by the rest of the militants. His pace falters when his gaze falls on you, but he doesn’t stop as he passes by you without a word.

“Niragi!” you’re calling before you can think twice.

He stops in his tracks, making everyone behind him stop too. More than twenty pairs of eyes lock on you as you stand there, heat growing on your cheeks. Why the hell did I call him, you think to yourself before clearing your throat.

“Hmm, could I speak to you? In private?”

He sighs. “I can’t right now. I’m going back out,” he says in a dismissive tone. You can’t help but notice the dark circles under his eyes; you worry if he’s been getting enough sleep lately. “We’ll talk when I get back.” and with that, he turns his back on you and walks away, followed by his group.

He’s definitely avoiding you. You wonder why; was it all the rejecting? Maybe he finally realized you are more trouble than pleasure. Maybe he regrets his promise to you, made in an inebriated state?

It was your disgusting scars, a mean voice in your head whispers.

You flinch. Whatever it is, you hope that he will at least be straightforward and honest with you. Eventually.

You try not to overthink it as you get to your room and go straight to the bathroom, getting rid of your wet clothes before jumping in the warm shower. The thing you probably like the most about the Beach is the showers. That and the good food; there’s always a tray of delicious meals delivered to your room three times a day. You can definitely get used to those small luxuries.

You finish your shower just in time to receive your dinner tray. You eat your meal in bed, a book you found while outside laying open on your knees as you take occasional spoonfuls of your rabbit stew. The sound of laughter and loud talking makes you frown for the third time in half an hour. One of the things you dislike the most about the Beach; the constant partying.

You give up on the book and decide to sleep, hoping that your exhaustiveness will win against the noise of your next-door neighbors.

It does not.

You’re knocking on their door moments later. A man opens the door, clearly beyond drunk, if his breath and slurred speech are anything to go by.

“Could you guys please keep it down?” you ask. "I'm trying to sleep." The man stares you up and down with a smirk, and you give a small step back.

“Yo, guys guess who came to pay us a visit!” he says behind him. You can see three men sitting at a table, playing what you guess is poker, several beer bottles scattered around them. You think you recognize one of them as part of the militants. Maybe coming here wasn’t a good idea after all.

“Isn’t that Niragi’s bitch?” “Ask her if she wants to join us!” is what you hear them say above the laughter. Yes, bad idea. You put your arms around you, wishing you were wearing something more besides your cotton shorts and Niragi’s shirt.

“Listen, just keep the noise to a minimum, that’s all I’m asking.” you quickly say before turning around to walk back to your room. A hand grabs your arm before you can take more than a couple of steps.

“Why don’t you join us?” says the man. His friends stand behind him, a look in their eyes that makes you shiver with apprehension. “We could show you a good time.”

“Thanks but no, thanks, I’m just trying to get some sleep.”

“You can sleep here, we don’t mind.” he retorts with a pull to your arm. “C’mon-”

“Haru, this isn’t a good idea,” warns the guy you had recognized. “She’s with Niragi.”

Haru laughs and pulls you closer, ignoring your struggle. He sniffs your hair. “Then he has been doing a shitty job at fucking her.” he pulls at your shirt, “Isn’t this his? She doesn’t smell like an Alpha at all,” he chuckles, “And didn’t you say that he ignored her today? I don’t think he’ll care if we get his sloppy seconds.”

“Let me go!” you pull your arm from his grip and face the taller man. “Niragi is not here to kick your asses, but I am.”

“Oh look at this, the little Omega has claws!”

“So do I.”

You freeze. So do Haru and his friends.

You smell him before you see him. Peppermint and rain.

You turn around to see him a few meters behind you, standing casually with his hands in his pockets. He looks bored; like he’s just passing by and there’s an inconvenience on his path. But his eyes…

“Chishiya-”

“You aren’t very smart, are you?” he interrupts, walking slowly towards you. “Harassing an Omega when there’s an Alpha around. It’s not acceptable back in the real world, what makes you think it’s acceptable here?” his eyes flash with something you recognize. You also notice the golden ring on them, giving them a more animal look. “Now you can either let her go or-.”

Haru releases his grip on your arm and takes a step back before Chishiya can finish his sentence.

“We didn’t do anything to her, man,” he says, hands raised. The man trembles slightly, eyes cast on the ground. “We were just messing around, that’s all.”

Chishiya chuckles and nods, “Of course, of course. Just remember what can happen if you mess with her again.” one of his hands leaves his pocket to scratch his neck, almost mindlessly. You gasp when you see the claws, the changed hand. “I would hate to get blood on my white hoodie.”

The men scatter back into their room without another word, tails between their legs. You stand there looking at him, involved in his scent. After more than a week without an Alpha, having him so close is not doing you any favors. His presence is unmistakably wolf, his scent stronger by his show of dominance. He barely had to try; Betas just instinctively know not to mess with Alphas. You start feeling hot, and you curse yourself; please not now.

“Are you okay?” his voice gets your attention.

“Uh-hm, yeah I am,” you stutter a little, “Th-thanks for the help.”

He takes a few steps closer to you, his eyes never leaving yours. You feel hypnotized; like you’re under a spell. He smells so good, and you’re so horny, and he’s the only thing making you feel safe now. You think of Niragi for a moment, until your wolf pushes the memory aside with a huff; Niragi is not there, you’re still unclaimed, and there’s an Alpha right in front of you.

You jump into his arms before you’re able to overthink things even more. His arms envelop you as your lips touch, and you feel that amazing electrifying sensation every time you touch an Alpha. His lips are soft on yours as he kisses you. His hands are surprisingly warm against your skin.

“Alpha- ” you moan into the kiss.

“Bedroom,” is all he says as he pulls you with him to your room. His lips are still on yours as he closes the door with a kick before making you lay down on the bed. His body covers yours in an instant, his hands roaming your body while his lips suck the skin of your neck. Even his kisses make you feel pleasure, and you whine as his hands go under your shirt to fondle your breasts. “Your skin is so soft,” he whispers with a pinch to your nipple. “I have been wanting to touch you since I first laid my eyes on you.”

“I- I want more,” your pussy clenches around nothing as you feel him hard against your stomach, “Please, Alpha...more,” you don’t care about how you sound. You just want that sweet release only an Alpha can provide. Niragi’s face shows up in your mind’s eye, but you ignore it; he wasn’t there for you when you needed it. Chishiya was.

His hands move to untie your shorts, sliding them down your legs to uncover your wet cunt. He sits back on his heels, hand on your thigh as he stares right at your naked core. He’s more expressive now than you’ve ever seen him before; his eyes burn with lust, his bottom lip between his teeth. You whine as he stays still, pushing your hips up; you want him to fuck you, not to stare at you.

He chuckles and licks his lips. “Open your legs wider for me,” you immediately do as he says, craving his touch. His hand slides lower until his fingers are tracing your slit in up and down movements, making you moan and instinctively close your legs. “Open,” he says with a glance at your face before leaning over your center. His breath is warm against your swollen clit.

You shiver as he flicks his tongue over your sensitive bud; it feels so good, and you want more. Your hands grip your pillow as you moan in time with his licks, almost letting out a scream when he sucks on your clit. No man had ever touched you like that; they were all inside you and over after a few minutes of thrusting. Even Niragi had gone straight to business. But fuck, does it feel good.

“Chi- Chishiya, oh my god- “ you manage to say before you’re interrupted by two of his fingers entering you. They curl inside you as his tongue keeps working wonders on your clit. You can feel an orgasm growing, toes curling at the pulling sensation in your core. You’re so close. “Please keep going, don’t stop.” you practically beg as he finger fucks you.

He stops.

You open your eyes with a displeased grunt to catch him looking at you, lips glistening with your juices. He smirks, “We’re just getting started,” he says, pulling you by the legs so your center is pressing against his crotch. You moan again at feeling him hard against you with only his swim shorts in the way.

You sit up to undress him off his hoodie, something he lets you do as he devours your lips. He suddenly pulls you up against him until you’re practically sitting on his lap. You grind against him, trying to put out the fire inside you. His mouth kisses down your neck to your breasts, without fully undressing you. You try to take off the shirt, but he makes you pause.

“That’s his shirt, isn’t it?” you nod and he huffs out a laugh, unbuttoning the first buttons only, “Keep it on,” he says before closing his lips around a nipple. You close your eyes and just enjoy the sensations he provides you. Your mind goes back to Niragi; how his tongue piercing felt against you as he sucked on you too, or how his hands never stopped pleasuring you. You almost grunt in frustration at the memories; he doesn’t matter now.

“Alpha, I want you inside me,” you beg as you keep grinding on him. It’s starting to feel like torture. Your hands slide down to work on his shorts, “Please...please.”

“Easy there,” he chuckles, pushing you back down on the bed. “We have time. Be a good girl and stay still,” he says as he gets rid of his shorts in a swift movement, now completely naked in front of you. You glance at his cock, hard as wood in between his pale thighs, a bead of precum sliding from the tip. Your mouth waters; you desperately want him to fuck you, you think as your pussy clenches around nothing.

You open your mouth to say something but hesitate, trying to follow his command. You wonder how can an Alpha have so much self-control; he should be deep inside you by now. It’s beyond frustrating. He finally covers your body with his, and you smile at the sensation of his skin on yours; it feels so good. You wrap your legs around his waist, pulling him closer as you kiss him with ferocity. It hurts how much you need him.

You finally feel his tip at your entrance, and then he’s inside you with a sharp thrust of his hips against yours. You scream at the sensation; so warm, so full, so unbelievably pleasurable. His thrusts are slow but firm, each hit of his pelvis against your clit making you see stars. His face goes to the side of your neck, and you feel as his teeth graze the skin, sucking and biting; right over the fading marks Niragi left on you a week ago.

“Go faster,” you whine as you push your hips up against his. You want him to fill you up to the brim; like Niragi had done. “Please Alpha, fill me up. Make me yours.”

He doesn’t say anything, but his pace gets faster, and you finally hear him make a sound since he started fucking you. His face is still hidden in the curve of your neck, but his hands clasp around your thighs, pulling them up until you’re practically folded in half. You finally feel him deeper, hitting your g-spot as his shoves get gradually harder.

“Tell me how much you want me to knot in you,” he grunts against your ear. “Tell me you want me.”

“I- I want you,” you whine. “I want you to knot in me, and fill me up with your cum. I want you.”

He kisses your jaw, thrusts getting even faster. You can barely think; all you want is to come and for Chishiya to do the same inside you. You want to feel him as he shudders, hear him as he moans and you milk him dry. His hand goes to cradle your cheek, and you finally see his face as he locks eyes with you; his white hair sticks to his neck and forehead due to sweat, and his eyes are more gold than the usual dark brown. However, an uncomfortable realization sparks in you; there’s only lust in his eyes. No care, no adoration, no imitation of something resembling love. Nothing like Niragi’s eyes had looked at you. Your wolf pushes those thoughts aside once again, and you close your eyes as you focus on the man currently thrusting in and out of you. He’s what matters now.

Your orgasm hits you like a wave, toes curling behind his back as you clench around him in pleasure. You feel him as he comes too, hands squeezing your thighs with enough force to leave a bruise. However, you gasp when you feel him pull out with a hiss, and he finishes spilling on your belly and breasts.

You lay there as he finishes with a grunt before laying down beside you, both of you panting furiously. The fog in your brain soon evaporates, and you have to control the impulse to run out of your own bedroom. Why do you keep doing this to yourself? First Niragi, now Chishiya. All those years of self-control wasted. They meant nothing. You were just pushing back the inevitable; the day you would be claimed with no real ability to even choose by who. Your wolf doesn’t care, but you do. The last thing you want is a relationship like the one your parents had.

But you still ended up fucking two different Alphas in a week; it’s not like you have a choice.

Chishiya moving beside you pulls you out of your thoughts. He’s looking at you with his usual expression; cold and with a pull at his lips that gives the impression there’s something that only he’s smart enough to understand. It annoys you just a little. You guess it shows on your face because he’s full-on smirking as he sits up.

“Feeling regretful, are we?” he says as he retrieves his shorts, putting them on, “I figured you would.”

“Then why didn’t you stop me?” you say in a low tone, sitting up with a moan. His come sticks to your thighs and runs down the skin of your breasts and belly. You sigh when you notice it stained Niragi’s shirt too.

“Why would I?” he shrugs, putting his hoodie on, “I can’t control this thing much more than you do. Besides- ” he says, shooting a glance at your torso, “Thought it might be fun.”

You furrow your brows at him. “This isn’t about me, is it?” you ask. Things kind of start to make sense now; his constant presence near you, the shirt he wanted you to keep, “This is about Niragi.”

His eyes lit up with something like amusement. “If I get to claim an Omega while pissing off Niragi then I’m doing something right.” he starts walking towards the door, “Don’t misunderstand though; I will fight to claim you when the time comes.” He closes the door behind him.

What have you done? You feel a sudden urge to cry, but push it back; you are done crying about this. So you just let a few tears fall before standing up and heading to the bathroom, wanting to get cleaned up as soon as you possibly can. You groan when you see yourself in the mirror, covered in love bites and cum.

You wonder how Niragi will react when he finds out; because he inevitably will. It wasn’t unheard of Alphas to fight to the death over an Omega; you just wish that isn’t what is about to happen. You don’t think you can live with that.

You step in the shower for the second time that night and vigorously rub your skin, trying to erase any and every sign of Chishiya off your body. Mission impossible, of course; his scent is still all over you as you get out of the shower. Next, you try to clean Niragi’s shirt. At least that one still smells faintly of cinnamon and wood.

As you should too, remarks the voice in your head.

You barely sleep that night.

You feel like a zombie the next morning and, as per usual, you stick to your room. You’re particularly into avoiding people today. Well, two people. So you keep to your room and jump between reading, to napping, to overthinking until you get a headache and then fall asleep.

A sudden knock on your door wakes you up, and you notice it’s almost night outside. You trip on your way to the door, opening it to reveal Chishiya on the other side. You scowl and move to close the door in his face, but his foot stops you.

“What?” you ask.

“We’re in the same group tonight,” he says, raising a piece of paper. “And before you say no, remember that you’re still under evaluation.”

“I have enough visa days,” you say, forcing the door on his foot. He doesn’t budge. You sigh and count to ten. You can do this; just another game. “Fine. But tell Ann that after this I’m only going out when I need to.”

You grab your jacket and get out, following Chishiya. You don’t say a word and neither does he. Your body feels his presence though, and you’re sure he can smell it in you. Smell himself in you.

You get in a van with your group, a bunch of people you faintly recognize but know no names. Chishiya seats right at the front, and you cringe as everyone else in the vehicle clearly knows everything that happened between you two. You hear Niragi’s name being whispered around, but try to ignore it, focusing on the road outside as you drive around looking for a game.

“Look there!” someone exclaims.

Koishikawa Botanical Garden.

The whole place is completely dark as you walk through the main gate, the familiar sound of the barrier closing behind you making you tremble with apprehension. A sign at the front says no weapons allowed, and you watch as two of the people in your group leave their weapons behind. Not really a good sign.

A single street lamp casts light on a table right next to the reception. You follow your group as they approach the table, but your attention is focused on your surroundings. You remember being there as a kid; hard to imagine that the beautiful open space full of trees and flowers of every species is now a game arena; a place of death. You wonder what exactly is the game that awaits you.

You focus your attention on the table, retrieving a phone and staring as it does the facial recognition thing it always does. It’s apparently a big game; there are already more than ten people waiting to play, and at least fifteen phones are still on the table.

You sit on a park bench while you wait, bracing yourself against the chilly night air. Chishiya is leaning against a street lamp right in front of you, and you know he’s staring, even though it’s dark and he has his hoodie up and covering his eyes. Your mind keeps rewinding the last twenty-four hours and you try to focus on something else with no success. If you’re not thinking about that, you’re thinking about the imminent game; both make you want to cry and run.

People slowly keep coming in, and you notice as the phones vanish one by one that the game is almost at its full capacity.

A sudden ruckus at the gates snaps everyone’s attention to the entrance, and you swear your heart stops as you see Niragi running in your direction with the most terrifying expression you’ve ever seen on him. He looks furious. Absolutely terrifying.

“I’m gonna rip your fucking heart out!” he screams as he gets closer. You notice his eyes are locked on Chishiya. His eyes; they aren’t human. Neither are his hands, now curved into claws. The other man doesn’t seem scared in the slightest; on the contrary, he looks like he’s having fun.

“Niragi, don’t- “ you scream as he lunges himself at the shorter man. Chishiya is fast though, swiftly dodging the punch before kicking Niragi in the stomach and stepping away.

Niragi huffs and doubles over before standing straight with a growl and trying another swing at the other man. Two men that got in with him try to corner Chishiya, but he just dodges them like it’s the easiest thing in the world.

“Not so bad without your gun, are you?” asks Chishiya in a mocking tone.

“With or without a gun, I’m still going to fucking kill you.” Niragi growls, “You fucked with the wrong wolf.”

Chishiya huffs a laugh, “Actually,” he says with a smirk, nodding in your direction, “I fucked the right wolf.”

Niragi’s eyes finally lock on you, and it’s like he’s seeing you for the first time. Only now his eyes are filled with something that resembles betrayal and pain. You hate it. You look down, trying to make yourself small; you don’t want him to look at you like that. Never.

“I’ll deal with her later,” he says in a cold tone, and you can’t help but flinch. He approaches the table and retrieves the last phone, eyes still on you. “Now I- “

You’re startled when cheery music starts playing all around you and the big screen you hadn’t noticed at the roof of the reception lits up.

“Registration has closed,” says a feminine robot voice, “The game will now commence.”

You look at your phone as it lits up.

Difficulty, Ten of Spades.

Game, “Akazukin: Red Riding Hood.”

Next Chapter

#alice in borderland #alice in borderland fanfic #niragi suguru #niragi x reader #chishiya shuntaro #niragi fic #chishiya x reader #also on ao3

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heybeybey · 3 years

Note

Hey there! I just read your newest story, your heart on the line, and even though I avoid nsfw like the plague, I read and loved it so much, it was so beautiful, i legit cried! If you are taking requests, could you write something short with slow dancing rivetra (no nsfw)? Slow dancing fics are my weakness. Once again, great job on your last work!

Helloooooo I'm so sorry this took a week! I'm glad you liked ‘and it was your heart on the line’. That means so much to me and I'm glad I made you cry 🧡 Anyway, I decided to also use this prompt for this Mother's Day. Hope that's alright and thanks for sending this over!

I was also listening to pov by Ariana Grande. I think this fits Levi's feelings for Petra so much.

I wanna trust me The way that you trust me Ooh, 'cause nobody ever loved me like you do I'd love to see me from your point of view

Anyway, Happy Mother's Day to Petra because she did act as the mother to her team lol

Words: 1,307

Genre: Romance, Fluff

Rating: G

Canonverse, set around 7 to 8 years after the rumbling. Other than the slow dancing, this fic also features wheelchair Levi because I love him so much + a 6-year-old Ackerbaby.

When Izzy asked her father what their plans are for Mother's Day, Petra said that she'd be happy with just staying home and ordering something for the three of them. While they did have enough money to splurge once in awhile, their modest income from the tea shop she and Levi established four years after they left the military was only enough to support the basics.

It's been three years since they opened the store's doors and while the tea shop has been picking up, they still have to take into consideration their future savings for Izzy's university tuition years from now. Not to mention that they were trying for another child.

So, of course, Petra insists that she would be alright if they had a simple celebration instead.

But Levi, who has the tendency to dote on his family and often insists that they get the best of the best, took them to an establishment that's situated in the city's more upscale neighborhood. He said that there's a restaurant there with live music, and it passes his standards of cleanliness so he's sure that Izzy won't catch something.

And while he hates these kinds of establishments and would prefer if they just drink tea—

"Like an old man," Izzy huffs at his initial suggestion, way too blunt for her own good and not hesitating to call out her father on his tendency to be boring.

—both Petra and his daughter loved singing and dancing around their house that he thinks it doesn't really make much of a difference. He'd already resigned to his fate but hell, it's Mother's Day. Petra's excitement when he mentioned what they'll be doing for the day was more than enough to make up for the next few (probably chaotic) hours.

And now here they are, enjoying the last few plates of their dinner while Izzy bounces around along with the upbeat songs played by the band.

"Oi, don't stray too far." Levi scolds his daughter. Petra was quick to pull Izzy back so that she'll stay next to their table, while still being able to enjoy the music.

The band eventually shifted to a slower tune, urging couples in the room to grab their partners.

"I miss slow dancing," Petra fondly says. "Remember those balls we had to go to Levi? You hated those so much."

"Tch, yeah. Those parties were just a fancy way for the Survey Corps to beg for funds," Levi notes. "But I bet you and the three idiots loved getting dragged to those events."

"Who would've thought Gunther would be great on the dance floor," she laughs at the memory.

Their 6-year-old tugs on Levi's sleeve eagerly, eyes looking between Levi and the dancing couples. "Papa, dance with mama!"

Petra pats her daughter on the head. "That would be nice Izzy, but your father-"

"Sure."

Petra's brows shot up at that. She and Levi rarely danced. In fact, the only time they were even at a dance floor together was back when he had to save her from a creep of a noble who won't stop hitting on her.

"Are you sure Levi? You said your knee hurts if you stand for too long." Petra takes his hand, thumb grazing his. "We can just sit here and watch."

"It's the least I could do for the mother of my child," Levi says, shrugging. Deep down, he's already dreading the fact that he has to dance in public. But again, this is Petra's day. She'd always strived to make him happy and he'd want to do the same for her.

A corner of his lips tugs up slightly as his own unique way of smiling for her. He then places all his weight on his arms to push himself up using the arm rests, grabbing one crutch to support himself. Petra stands with him, ready to assist in case he needs her while Izzy claps in excitement.

"If you're sure..." Petra says, face starting to light up with a stupid smile. She starts to lead him to the dance floor with Izzy in tow, used to following her parents around whenever her father needs to stand and her mother needs her help in supporting her dad.

When they've found a spot not too far off where his wheelchair is, Petra directs her husband to put both his hands on her shoulders, grateful that they were almost the same height, while she wraps her arms up his back so that Petra would be the one supporting most of both of their weight together. They fumbled around awkwardly at first, especially since their form was different from the other couples around them. When they're both sure that Levi won't fall over, Petra takes the crutch from him and hands it over to Izzy, while the little girl enthusiastically takes it to watch her parents dance.

The band plays a slower song, same as the previous track. The mellow tune and heartfelt lyrics carries throughout the room and Levi can see how the couples all fall into step with the rhythm. He suddenly feels a little self-conscious, a bit bitter that he can't be the one guiding Petra on the dance floor. However, he softens at her smiling face, knowing that such a thought wouldn't even cross her mind. She did marry a retired soldier who now can't even stand properly and giggled the whole night after he proposed, despite people saying that she could've enjoyed her younger years with someone else.

What a peculiar woman.

They start to sway to the music, a little bit more sure with each step they took, and looking more like they're just hugging and rocking from side to side. He eventually leans his forehead down to press it against Petra's and he breathes in her vanilla perfume.

"Oi, Petra." Levi whispers. "Thank you."

Petra hums, eyes closed as she takes in this soft moment between her and her husband.

"What for?"

"For this. For sticking with me 'til the shitty end." Levi coughs as a way to cover his awkwardness. "For Izzy."

She opens her eyes at his words, eyes and heart melting at the fact that Levi was pushing himself to express his feelings vocally. Petra allows him to continue, knowing that he might shut up if she started talking.

"I never expected a family," Levi continues, voice starting to stutter and eyes starting to shift away from hers. "But I'm... grateful that I got the chance and that it's with you. Uhm... Happy Mother's Day, I guess?"

Petra starts to tear up, tilting her head slightly up to give him a kiss on the tip of his nose.

"Levi, I wasn't kidding when I said that I wanted to devote myself to you." She only gets a soft kiss from Levi in return with that statement. Petra smiles against his lips, cupping his cheek while still making sure she's supporting his side with the injured leg.

They eventually slow their swaying to a stop once the band starts playing a faster song, Izzy popping up once again next to their side and asking her parents to dance with her. Levi, whose knee was starting to ache at the time he had to stand and even dance, had to sit back down. He still urges Petra and their energetic daughter to enjoy the night.

He watches from his wheelchair as the two most special girls in his life light up on the dance floor, Petra spinning Izzy around in her arms as their daughter giggles out loud.

#rivetra #levi x petra #ackerbaby #rivetra baby #petra x levi #rivapet #mother's day fic #rivapeto

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kumoriyami-xiuzhen · 3 years

Text

Deemo -prelude- Chapter 4 English translation

i had my exams last month and was too damn tired to clean and translate this so i put off finishing this chapter to september lol (plus i usually only post on thursdays). sorry but in terms of my extra free labour priorities that i hate doing, deemo comes last because it involves photoshop (my hatred goes: photoshop > arranging notes into a score > translating > picking out notes from a song hahaha).

chapter notes and encoded link below since there are more this time.

notes:

as always, I translated this from Chinese so my tl not be 100% accurate if compared to the JP raws

please don’t reupload elsewhere (especially to social media), and don’t remove my credits page. additionally, this is not to be profited off of in any way and is intended to for one’s private enjoyment only.

i despise photoshop and cleaning... and i almost gave up on cleaning the panel that has the “I still really” text (mind i still did a shitty job cuz i suck with photoshop and i did try to cover most of it but still!). not looking forward to cleaning the next chapter.. or maybe i’ll just white everything out. haha...*sigh* iuno. i never have motivation to photoshop stuff.

went back to my older chapters and added in the text on the title pages... since i kinda overlooked them? still, i don’t care to clean those pages (waaaaaaay too much work involved in that. maybe if someone gave me thousand dollars would i consider...and only consider doing that xD [aka never happening unless i happen to win the lottery]).

on that note, i should probably mention that I purposefully skip translating the ストーリー text boxes since they’re just recaps... and it’s way too much effort to do anything with them cuz English is not a language that looks good when typed vertically and I do not like squishing text.

i should probably delaying uploading my chapters to mangadex by a week. im a tad lazy with the editing for this since i already hate translating anything that involves the usage of photoshop... and i keep noticing errors that ive now gone and fixed in my older chapter translations... though i am sorta annoyed how i’ve kept on spelling “La campanella” incorrectly. -.- well, i’ll fix things on that site eventually... whenever they get their edit function working again.

i went back and changed Hans’ dream to being a “world-famous” pianist (left world-renowned since that basically means the same thing) in chapter 3, since chp 4 gave me more context which made that make sense to me

ive noticed my scanlations on other aggregate sites aside from mangadex... and while that admittedly doesn’t actually bother me given the sites I use to read manga, if i ever see my uploads without their credits page, i’ll just make my translations for Deemo solely available through patreon (the removal of credits pages crosses a very hard line for me).

i’ve completely given up trying to find clean raws since the site i used for this manga went down. oh well lol. suppose that just means that i’ll do more of what i did for chp 3 and now 4 going forward since i had no luck in finding another site after an hour and i’m a firm believer in not doing anything more than necessary when doing things for free (i can afford to be lazy when doing shit for free lol).... also, im not willing to buy the raws either since i have no money for that hahaha...

below is not a link. its a bunch of chars that needs to be decoded via base64decode to reveal the link

------------------

aHR0cHM6Ly9tZWdhLm56L2ZvbGRlci92dVl5a0w3VCNpUlhVb0U4THVENmlZQkd4NUFiNF9R

#deemo #deemo prelude

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wendibird · 4 years

Text

SPN 15X16 Observations

Alrighty folks! This week, both my TV AND internet were working! (Helped that this past week a repairperson came out and checked things out and turned out our cable box needed to be replaced because the one they’d given us was defective or something.) So, good part of that was that I was able to watch it on my actual TV! Bad news is, that meant I was left trying to take notes on my phone, which isn’t as easy for me as it is on my computer which my keyboard. But ah well. Here are my episode notes and post-watching break-down of what I thought about it.

- getting "IT" vibes

- "IT" vibes still there

- Nyooooooom

- DEAN! YOU DIDN'T TELL HIM YOU BASTARD!!!

(FLASHBACK) - Dang Dean.... "this is our life" Even then he was trying to make Sam accept it. - Poor Sammy - That's a big gun for a little kid...

- Poor (other) kid!

(Commercial thoughts) So this is the second time this season that Cas had a conversation with Dean and then left and Dean lied to Sam about it. So Sam's in the dark still.

First time I think Dean just didn't want to admit his part in Cas leaving. This time, I have a feeling he doesn't want Sam to know what Cas (probably) said about Jack. Maybe thinks Sam will try to stop the plan. And Dean wants it to happen? Because at least this time it's not them making the sacrifice? *salty*

- Dean's pretty quick to call it. (That it's not their kind of thing.)

- Ring??

- He brought the ring back

- That woke her up

- NOW he (Dean) believes her...

(Commercial) Dean is closing down connections between him and the people he usually connects with. Like, it's harder to hold onto those. Like, he's willing to let Jack go (I think) And he was ready to write off Caitlin's brother.

Also tied up with his slef image. He thought he'd taken care of it back then. She prayed on his sense of duty and shame of failure.

Interesting that the knife wasn't really there.

Could it have killed him anyway?

- "We used to keep a lot of secrets from each other."

- I still hate how Dean gets lumped up as "Sam and Dean" as if his POV is the only one important. (Reference to what Billy told Jack to get him to agree. It was pitched as if his sacrifice to take out Chuck is the only way to earn both their forgiveness. But that's only true for Dean. Not Sam.)

- Dean knows Sam isn't going to like it. That's why he hasn't told him yet.

- BABA YAGA!!! (Wonder if there'll be any references to her hut on chicken legs.)

- *LOL* Poor bong girl.

- So, hallucinating or teleportation? (Apparently hallucination)

- Sammy to the rescue?

- Well, he got to help....

(Commercial) (Still disappointed that there was no mention of her hut on chicken legs or the fact that she rode around on a mortar and pestle. She felt more like an SPN interpretation of IT.)

- "You tell the truth more because you know that lies don't make anything better." (Is that an anvil I hear falling in the distance?)

- Okay. That (Dean fessing-up to Sam) predictably went horribly, but I'm glad it did. I'm glad Sam had a freaking voice. And an opinion. And wouldn't let Dean talk him around. Because he's right. It was shitty to hide it from him. And the plan is shitty. He knows what it's like to be the guy who has to die to save the world. And he's right to have ethical questions.

- "You wouldn't have handled it." (Or however it was phrased is Dean's internal justification for why he's right and Sam isn't. And why it was okay to hide it from him.)

(Post-episode thoughts)

(And again, apologies if these aren't exactly coherent.)

I liked the Weechester parts. Gotta admit, it took me a bit to warm up to the new actors, but I think that's mostly because we had Colin Ford for a good long run, and Dylan Everett for a decent amount of time too. I kind of got used to them. But these two did a good job.

I felt the writing for their parts might have had a few continuity issues. This was supposed to be in 1993 right? (Have only watched through it once so far.) So Sam would have been 10-ish (depending on the time of year) and Dean would have been 14. (Probably safe to assume this wasn't intended to be early January.) And it took place sometime after the flashbacks from "Just My Imagination" but before "After School Special" or "Bad Boys" So I found it a bit odd that Sam already is being shown as not wanting to hunt. (When in "Just My Imagination" he wanted to join his Dad and Dean on the hunt. And in After School Special he was definitely not about hunting but he hadn't seemed to considered that he even had the option to try for anything else. So I found it odd that they had a 10-year-old already looking at books about going to college. I feel like maybe if this had taken place a few years later maybe that would have made more sense? Ah well, I still enjoyed it overall.

Now, about the MOTW, I was all giddy when they revealed it was the Baba Yaga. (When I was in band in college, we played a musical piece from "Pictures at an Exhibition" titled "The Hut of the Baba Yaga". And I hadn't heard of it before that so I did some research on it and found out it was basically the Russian folklore version of the Boogy Man. She lived in a hut that walked around on fowls' leggs, and she rode around on a mortar and pestle, and she was greatly feared. So, they got the "greatly feared" part right. But.... (just did some double-checking on the episode) OKAY! So, I take it back. They didn't make a HUGE deal of it, but the motel where it all happened was called the "Rooster's Sunrise". So yey! They did have a nod to the Hut on Fowl's Legs thing! And it's not anything close to a hut, but it does have wooden siding on the upper part of it. (Like, not painted wood, but wooden-wood. *LOL*) Still though, overall I was getting more of an "IT" vibe from it. (At least the old IT, with Tim Curry. I haven't seen the new one.)

I did think they did an overall good job with the creepiness factor. But in the end, it didn't feel like she had much of a personality. She was just kind of there to move the plot where it needed to go.

To me, I felt like most of the emotional weight of the episode was on the secret Dean was keeping from Sam. And you could tell that it was eating at him. But at the same time, he didn't want to go there. Because he knew Sam would react badly.

Before I get to that though, I want to touch on something I mentioned up in my notes, after the conversation Billy and Dean had. She said that she'd gotten Jack to agree to the plan by saying that the only way to earn their forgiveness was by dying to end Chuck's threat. (I know, in this episode she specifically said Dean. But in the last episode, when Jack was telling Cas about it, he'd said Sam and Dean. So either he's merged them together in his head, or Billy did when pitching it, or she just left an open implication and he took it.) Either way, there's still that idea floating around out there that Sam and Dean are a matched-set, and that what one wants, the other wants too. Despite the fact that that's not how it plays out. And despite the fact that Sam has pretty openly shown Jack that he's forgiven him, and cares about him, and that Jack doesn't need to "earn" his affection. So why is Dean the only one who matters here?

Maybe it's the writers lumping them both together when convenient? But the fight between Sam and Dean at the end of this episode shows that they're not on the same page as far as Jack is concerned, so the writers DO know. Does Billy see them as a single unit? Or is it the opposite? Has she been coming to Dean with her plans and talks because it's easier for her to manipulate him? Because Sam's the one who stops to ask things like "Does Amara deserve to die? Does Jack deserve to die? Is there another way to do this? (Should I maybe NOT lock myself into a coffin and then yeet myself into the ocean?)" She was pretty firm to Dean about "getting his house in order" because she wants the plan to go smoothly. Is that because she knows Sam could/would find a way to stop it if he's not on-board? I mean, old Death was very aware of how persistent Sam could be if he put his mind to something.

Anyway, forgive my ramblings. Most of my questions don't have answers yet, but sometimes it helps to get them actually written out.

As for the fight between the brothers at the end, I'm actually glad it happened. I get where Dean is coming from. He's focused on the goal (getting out from under Chuck's control) and especially since he and Sam aren't the sacrificial lambs this time around, he's willing to let Jack do what he needs to do in order to get the job done. Especially since Jack seems to be willing.

(Though I do have issues with the fact that Jack is willing because he thinks it's the ONLY way he can earn forgiveness. But, that is yet another parallel to Sam from S5, who not only knew and accepted that he was the only one who could stop Lucifer, but that it was all apparently his fault and he needed to atone. When in fact, he was just one of MANY who'd had a hand in the Apocalypse happening. And I'd say most of the blame for it fell on the angels and demons. Both Winchesters broke seals without knowing it. Sam thought he was outright preventing a seal from being broken. But regardless... I wonder if Sam sees this too, at least from the perspective of "I know what this feels like, and it sucks, and Jack doesn't deserve this, and there HAS to be some other way!" I guess my point is, emotional manipulation can be considered a form of coersion. Letting Jack believe that this is the only way to be forgiven, holding that forgiveness over his head... how much "free will" is actually going on here if that's why he's willing to go through with it?)

Sorry, tangents. I tend to live in them. *LOL* So yeah, while I don't agree with Dean's mindset, I do get why he feels the way he does. And I'm just glad that Sam wasn't written as "a little upset but willing to let it go." Down to his bones he knows this is wrong. And he let Dean know. And I'm also glad that he's asking the questions he's been asking. It's not a weakness as Dean kind of implied. (With the whole "you can't get the job done.") Sam isn't being wishy-washy. He just cares about what's right. Chuck or no Chuck, it still matters to him. And getting what you want "by any means"... well, he's been down that road himself. He knows how that can end. And plus, he cares about Jack. Like, genuinely cares about him, as a person. Not just what he can do for them. Not because he's powerful. But for who he is.

Also, I don't know if it was intentional, or just the way it came off to me, but I feel like... well, for a lot of this season to be honest, Dean's view of what and who is "vitally important" has severely shrunk down. To like, himself and Sam. I'm not saying he'll tell everyone to go hang. But I feel like maybe as a reaction to finding out how much of their lives were "set-up" he kind of withdrew emotionally. He's more willing to let go of other people they care about. The connections he forms don't feel as strong as they used to even a season or two ago. Like, in "The Gamblers", he felt a little sorry for the other people trapped there, but he was willing to get what they needed and get out of there. Sam was the one who insisted on trying to free them too.

And speaking of Sam, at the end of last season I felt like one of the reasons why he went along with Dean's plan (to lock Jack up) despite how he CLEARLY didn't like it, and everything about it felt wrong, was that at that point in time he severely doubted his own judgement. Because by that point, so many of his decisions which had been made with good intentions and with the best information he'd had at the time wound up blowing-up in his face. (i.e. Training the AU refugees into Hunters to help them with Dean/Michael and then after with just Hunting in general only to have most of them slaughtered by Michael. And him trying to give Nick a chance because he knew what it was like to be branded as evil for things that had been done to you. And he knew what it was like to be a vessel for Lucifer. And then when Nick went off the rails and they caught him that first time, they handed him over to Donna, because he was a human so they thought they'd let human justice deal with him. And then he escaped and hurt Donatello and was trying to free Lucifer, and Sam almost beat him to death but then stopped, because he didn't want to kill him in what he felt was cold blood. (Though I'd argue self-defense would've been valid.) After which Nick hit him repeatedly in the head with a rock and almost DID free Lucifer, which Jack stopped, but that lead to Mary's death and, and, and, the list goes on. So by the time they figured out (somewhat, I don't think they ever got the full story) what happened to Mary, I think Sam was feeling like he couldn't trust his own judgement, and so he let Dean lead. And that... didn't go well.

So I'm glad that he is starting to question again. He'd started to with Mrs. Butters but then everything seemed fine, but as they found out, he should have heeded his instincts and researched her more. And now this. At the end of last season when the idea of Jack dying/being killed came up he said he wasn't okay with it, and he did run to try to stop Dean, but I feel like there's more assertiveness behind it now. He's not saying "Please don't do this!" he's saying "This is NOT okay! I'm NOT going to accept this! No!"

So, in conclusion: Overall I liked the episode, though for me anyway, most of the emotional weight came from the secret Dean was keeping and then what happened when he finally told Sam. I did however like some of the little moments, like young!Dean's line about "We made a pretty good team." and it's callback to the Pilot episode.

I'm sorry this got a bit rambly. Again.

#spn 15x16 spoilers #spn season 15 spoilers #episode review #my thoughts #tangents: i tend to live in them #sam winchester #dean winchester #young!sam winchester #young!dean winchester #weechesters #teenchesters #keeping secrets #the baba yaga

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iwantitiwriteit · 4 years

Text

Love Lockdown - Part 4

Begin Again

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Summary: You and Chris have your first serious conversation after being apart for the first few weeks of lockdown.

Warnings: Angst, Pandemic backdrop, Profanity, dash of Fluff, sprinkle of Sexual suggestiveness

Notes: Another In My Feelings Monday™ yesterday! Hopefully there’ll be more musings as the weeks go on, but I loved the whimsy the mindset added to me day! 🥰 This part y’all! Whew! Tried to get as much angsty good tension in there as I could muster-- I won’t rest until we’re all bawling lol Read the previous part here!

Let it be known, that for a professional writer, you were shit with words.

Though you were a force with pen to paper, fingertips to keyboard, and a mirage of emotions… maybe some wine, when it came to verbal expression, you were more tongue-tied than a motherfu—

“What do you mean?”

Your mouth is dry as it opens and closes like a fish out of water, a lame attempt at finding the words to answer Chris’ valid question.

“Baby, please talk to me. What do you mean ‘you don’t wanna do this… with me’?”

His heart is on the fritz. His mind is everywhere and nowhere. Chris decides to focus on what he sees, what is real, like that will do him any better. Seeing the soft lines of your face tensed into sharp, anguished angles and you’re hugging yourself so tightly only makes him want to replace your arms with his.

To Chris, you’ve never seemed to need his help, though. You seemed strong, self-sufficient, self-healing, even. He loved and admired that about you. How you didn’t need, but just wanted him around. But if he thought too hard about it, it scared him. He wanted you to want him as much as he wanted you. He’s never really been sure of how much you wanted him. You also seemed to struggle with saying how you felt. The one thing he was probably too good at. The one thing he could help you with.

But he’s the one who’s got the two of you thousands of miles away from each other. Now, you’re having this make or break your relationship discussion over FaceTime. He doesn’t get to do that. He doesn’t get to jump in. Might not be the worst thing in the world, considering all his efforts of jumping to “make things right” in the past few months have landed you both in your current situation.

His options are limited now. It feels like his hands are tied behind his back, and you’ve got your finger on his chest. Will you use the slightest force to push him away forever, or open your palms and bring him closer to you?

Chris is trying his best to maintain composure, but his voice is giving him away as he asks one last time, ‘what do you mean?’.

You, too, are trying to remain composed.

You’re not entirely sure what you meant, but felt compelled to say it. You’re trying to be vulnerable and let your heart speak for once, so aware of the discomfort in your chest that your arms are crossed tightly over it. You weren’t one to let your heart move on it’s on volition, finding it smarter and more self-preserving to let your brain take the wheel. Your aversion mostly coming from what it makes you look like. Take your state at this moment: lip quivering, throat constricting, eyes burning, and rimming with tears. On the verge of being a mess.

You always hated when people cried in uncomfortable situations. “It’s a cheap shot,” you’d say, feeling like it wasn’t fair to make the other person feel bad. You refuse to cry. Instead, you screw your eyes shut, and take a few deep breaths. There’s an intense white noise in your head keeping you from thinking straight. Maybe taking a moment will give you some clarity.

After a few seconds, your senses come back to the room. You hear the rustling of wind outside the window in front of you, the hum of the A/C, and Chris shuffling on his end of this caustic call. You can’t bring yourself to open your eyes just yet, but you found your bearings enough to speak.

“Ok…” Your eyes finally meet Chris’ eyes through the camera. He’s poorly holding back his pain in those ocean blue eyes of his. You consider backtracking, engaging your filter. You could ease his mind like always, telling him “never mind” or “it’s nothing”. You could just let him speak like always. He’s always been better with his words. You loved and admired that about him.

He always seems to know how to poetically and intellectually verbalize exactly how he feels, be it about a movie he’d seen, a tweet he read, a song he heard, a woman he loved. A woman he probably was tired of her tongue-tied bullshit. Not that you weren’t a little exhausted from his B.S. You could just let him break up with you, say “ok”, and go your separate ways. A nice, clean break. The hell it would be. You’d be wrecked, you just know it.

But your sister’s words from a moment ago ring in your head:

It’s good to feel. It’s okay to show it sometimes, too. Especially with the ones who showed and proved they won’t judge you for it.

Chris has never judged you. Maybe it’ll be ok to lose composure just a little, halt your filter for just a second or two.

“Chris, I don’t wanna do this with you— this acting like strangers, acting like nothing’s wrong. This hurting each other, but still holding on to each other? I don’t wanna do that to you. I don’t want to hurt you. I’m sorry that I hurt you. That I let contempt build up until I explode instead of just talking to you about what I was feeling. I understand if—“ you take a breath to keep calm and keep your emotive stride, “I know what you wanted to talk about, and I understand.”

“What do you think I wanna talk about?”

“I—” your filter kicks back in as you hold back your thoughts. Despite your front, you hadn’t fully come terms with it. Saying it would make it real, and you weren’t ready for that.

“You thought what?” His tone was slightly accusatory, causing you to cover your face with your hands, engulfing you in embarrassment over your doubts as you realize that ending your relationship was not what Chris wanted to do. You let out a baited breath, as you drop your hands. You had nothing to say, casting your eyes down to your twirling thumbs in your lap.

Chris’ eyes grow ever so slightly wider as his jaw relaxes and lips form into the slightest frown. “I would… I would never…” he stutters out. Chris goes to bring his hand down his face, a subconscious tick for when he’s exasperated, but stops short with the thought in his mind of germs and viruses and fucking Corona. He’s settled on a sigh, it all settling in the difficulty of everything in life at the moment. It’s exhausting.

You’re hurting. He’s hurting. It feels like a never ending cycle. But he’s determined to break the cycle.

“Do you remember what I said that night in my kitchen? Back in December?” All you could respond with was a nod, your eyes still fixated on your lap. December’s events still left a little bit of a bad taste in your mouth, but with each passing day you were sure you were getting over it. “Well, I fucking meant it.” Slowly, you raise your head to your screen. Chris looks like a wounded puppy that’s still game to play.

“And I should be the one apologizing. Obviously I haven't been doing the best job of living up to my words from that night. I’m sorry.” Then you couldn’t help it. But what would one tear hurt? Chris clocked the tiny droplet streaking your glowing cheeks. His soft smile at it was so small and so brief before he continued. “I never meant to hurt you with my ignorance. But I did, and I’m doing the work and the reading to be better. What happened when you were here should’ve never happened, but I made it worse by not listening to you, really listening to you, and—“

“My love,” your voice stops Chris mid-ramble. That pet name. He hasn’t heard it from you in a long time. Too long, in fact. Hearing it now almost makes his heart burst. “You’ve got to stop beating yourselves up about it.”

“But aren’t you mad?” He was projecting.

“Mad about what happened? Yeah, kinda. Mad at you? No… not anymore. I stopped being mad as soon as you did listen to me, really listen to me,” you echo his words. A small smile graces your lips, and you’re able to coax one onto his. For a moment it’s sweet. You then notice his smile disappear as the gears in his head start to overwork again.

“But then I did it again! With the shitty shit with my shitty friends. I’m sorry for my shitty friends.”

“I feel sorry for them too,” you joke with a tentative smirk.

Chris laughs, appreciating that you’re able to find humor in any moment. His chest feels a little lighter now. He thinks back to your earlier statement. “I agree; I don’t wanna do this. Cos it just feels like I’ll lose you, and I don’t want that. I want you. For as long as you’ll have me. Can you forgive me for all the stupid shit I’ve done in past few months?”

“As long as you can pardon my behavior as well.”

“Of course. I love you.”

“I love you,” you stress to him.

Chris places his arms on the table, leaning into the camera, his gorgeous face taking up more of your screen. He’s got a sort of glossed over look in his eyes as he says matter-of-fact-ly, “I wish I could kiss you right now.” There’s no suggestiveness, just a statement of a very pure desire. Yet, your face heats up at his words. You take a quick glance down and bite your bottom lip to hide your smile.

“It’s too bad you can’t.”

“I know, I know. That’s my own fault.”

“Not gonna fight you on that.” you lightheartedly say. At least you meant it that way. Although he should’ve expected it and is usually a good sport with digs, it still… stings. He grimaces and you know that it’s just too soon.

“But maybe…” your low, sultry tone brings his attention back to you, “you could…” you purr slowly and suggestively as you lean into your computer while pouting your lip.

Chris raises his brows as his jaw slacks. “Yeah…?”

Your mischievous smile is met with his eager one. “KISS ME THROUGH THE PHONE?!” You belt out the familiar melody, shocking Chris to point that he jumps a little in his seat. You’re in stitches, clutching your chest. You hadn’t laughed this hard in a while. You get a good belly laugh out of Chris as well, his head tilted back, the glorious sound filling your ears as the sight of all 32 of his teeth please your eyes. His spirits are instantly lifted. You love that you can make him laugh like that, it satisfies a part of your soul you were unaware of.

The two of you come down some from your laughing fit. “Cute… real cute,” sarcasm never more evident in Chris’ voice.

“Hahaha you thought you were gonna get a show! Nope, buddy… not this time.”

There’s a quick quirk of his brows at the possibility of him getting to see you in all of your hot, sexy, naked glory. His mind gets lost in the last time he had you like that: your back arched, your nails dug into his back, your legs—

“Ahem! Eyes up here dude!”

“Oh my g— I’m—“

“You’re forgiven, you’re only human,” you smile at him coyly.

Silence settles around you, as you steal glances and smiles at one another through your screens. The air is free of pleas and sighs and stupidity and jokes. Hopefulness moves in for the first time in weeks, evicting the uneasiness that had made a home out of the deepening space between you two. You just watched each other, adoringly and longingly, watching your love for each other begin again.

Part 5

#chris evans fanfiction #chris evans fan fiction #chris evans imagine #chris evans one shot #chris evans angst #chris evans x reader #chris evans x you #chris evans x black reader #chris evans x y/n #chris evans x female reader #chris evans x poc!reader #love lockdown series

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