#keeping secrets

[rahabq]

#lana del ray #lizzy grant #ultraviolence #lana del rey #girlblog #girlblogger #keeping secrets #coquette #girlblogging #girly #divine feminine #waif

[nickfowlerrr]

keeping secrets - chapter seven

series masterlist / chapter eight

playlist

pairing: bucky barnes x curvy!reader (dark!soulmate au)

warnings: short chapter. no explicit smut but it’s there a lil bit. +18 only, as always. a lot of this is from bucky’s pov. angst with a hint of fluff. mostly angst though. and this isn’t even the tip of the iceberg for these two 🥲

words: 1.9k

notes: i’m belaboring it, i’m sorry lol but thank you for bearing with me through my bouts of writers block. i appreciate all of you who are following this series and reading and commenting and reblogging, you’re all wonderful and i love you. hopefully this will help kick me back into gear. please let me know what you think, and again, thank you for reading and reblogging. 🖤

It’s still dark outside when Bucky jerks awake again in a cold sweat.

His heart is racing and his breathing is heavy.

He takes a second to collect himself before he peeks up to the bed from where he lays on the ground. He runs a hand through his hair as he calms down at just the sight of you, still sleeping peacefully, sprawled out on the mattress you’d both fallen asleep on just a few hours ago.

He’d woken up earlier from another nightmare, not one of the usual ones, but the one that’s been recurring more and more frequently since the day he’d met you..

No matter how he tries to change the dream, it always ends the same.

Nothing but hurt, pain, and tears.

He tries so hard to change it, wants nothing more than to save you from the inevitable heartbreak that waits for you both, but it’s futile.

Pointless.

It’s his fate, and by some sick twist of it, you’ve unfortunately found yourself tied to him, which can only mean the same for you.

But the nightmare isn’t reality, he tells himself. It may be unchanging in the dream, but he can’t let that happen in his waking life.

He won’t.

He spent a good ten minutes just holding you in his arms, watching the rise and fall of your chest with each breath you took as your lashes fluttered in your sleep and you nuzzled into his embrace, before he gently moved you off of him. He wanted to commit the sight of you so at ease to his memory, taking in your every feature and letting himself indulge in the feeling of your softness pressed against him. In that moment, he told himself he could never have you so close to him again. The list of reasons why seemed never ending.

And though being with you earlier was incredible, words he couldn’t manage to find to describe the perfection that was you and the deep intimacy you shared - something he doesn’t think he’s ever felt before - something he’s sure he’ll never feel with anyone else, he knows he can’t do this. Not to you.

You deserve the world. A happy ending. And he wishes so badly that he could be the one to give it to you - no matter how selfish the desire is - but he can’t.

A happy ending has never been in the cards for him.

And he won’t keep that from you.

Still, that selfish itch is there, clawing at his chest and filling his head with impossible fantasies.

As he sits there, he wonders, though, just how long he’ll be able to keep away from you - even just physically. Your touch alone.. It’s indescribable.

He wishes he could let himself be next to you right now.

He counted himself lucky for not having woken you up after the first nightmare, but couldn’t risk it happening again. He had moved to the floor and listened to the steady sound of your heartbeat to ease him until he eventually fell asleep again.

Until now.

This nightmare, thankfully, wasn’t involving you.

It was the cold.

That chair.

Those words.

The excruciating, violent pain.

He’s glad he moved, there’s no way you wouldn’t have felt his twitching in his sleep if he was still next to you.

No way you would’ve had the dream to begin with if you were still next to her.

His brows furrow as he grows agitated at the thought. He gives it no further attention, though, as he sits up.

Maybe it’s early enough to excuse being awake, he thinks as he pulls himself off the floor.

He looks over at you once again and his heart clenches, wanting him to just crawl back into bed with you and sleep until you decide it’s time to get up.

But he can’t listen.

So he heads quietly out into the cold of the cabin and goes to find his phone.

—-

The bed is cold when you wake up. The cabin is quiet. Only one thought is on your mind as you come to consciousness.

Where is Bucky?

There’s a tight squeeze in your chest as you take in your loneliness. A surge of anxiety that grips you though you try not to give it attention. You sit up and look around the empty room.

You get up and peek out the door, down the hallway.

You head to the bathroom instead of seeking him out for now, quickly getting ready for the day.

As you come out, you hear the front door open and close.

When you walk into the living room, you find a sweaty Bucky pulling his shirt off.

“Hey,” you breathe, leaning against the hallway opening, arms crossed over your chest lightly.

His eyes shoot to you, and you watch as it takes him a second to respond.

“Hey,” he responds a little out of breath.

You give a half smile as you return his unwavering stare. Pushing off the wall, you saunter over to him. Bucky doesn’t stop you as you lean up to kiss him.

Somewhere in his mind, he is telling himself to stop. But the thoughts aren’t loud enough for him to listen.

He leans down and kisses you back, deeply as his hands find your bottom.

He doesn’t know what he’s doing as one kiss turns into two, turns into three, and before he knows it you’re breathing each other’s air as his tongue explores your mouth while you’re making out on the couch.

He knows he’s sweaty but you don’t seem to care in the slightest as you refuse to let up just the same as him.

He isn’t sure how much time has passed when you finally pull away, breathing heavy as you catch your breath.

You look at him in a way that makes him feel seen. Truly seen. The warmth of your gaze - the love it radiates - it’s something he never wants to lose.

But his heart hurts at your next words - a sense of panic taking over him.

“We should talk,” you say softly, moving a strand of hair out of his face, your soft touch caressing his cheek as you admire him for a moment.

You should talk. He knows that. But he knows exactly what’s going to happen when you do.

He doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want this to end so soon. He doesn’t want to lose you so soon after finally being with you. He doesn’t want to hurt you - though he knows no matter what, he will…

“Yeah,” he breathes before leaning back into you. His lips are on yours again, softer as he takes his time, leaning you to lay down on the couch as he holds himself above you.

It’s as much a distraction for himself as it is for you.

With Bucky above you, you let your hands find his hair as you kiss him back.

But it’s not just a kiss - it’s so much more.

Everytime you touch, it’s like a wordless confession of devotion.

Unlike anything you’d ever experienced. And it’s addictive.

You pull him closer, urging him down until he’s nearly right on top of you. A hand slips from his hair and softly trails along his neck, down his chest and stomach until you tug at the waistband of his shorts.

He exhales gruffly as his eyes shut - a second passes as you watch him, perplexed at the look that crosses his face. Briefly unsettling until he opens his eyes and looks at you. Mesmerizing as always, full of longing.

Your clothes are lost as you fumble with each other, touching and yearning; kisses broken off with gasps - each deep thrust of Bucky inside you working you closer and closer to the high that seems to never end as you beg him not to stop, as if he had any plans to.

He can’t get enough, and you’re both insatiable.

—-

You aren’t sure how much time has passed when you’re both laid out on the ground, panting and sweating as Bucky pulls you into him. You’re a dripping, overstimulated mess as you curl into him, feeling full and sated, yet wanting him ever closer.

The comfort he effortlessly exudes relaxes you further as your lashes flutter while you start to regulate your breaths.

“I’m a mess,” you mumble as you nuzzle into him. “You’ve ruined me.”

His fingers are lightly dancing along your soft skin, but his movements stop at your words. You look up to see his face as you let out a quiet titter. He looks guilty, like he’s agonizing over it. Your stomach twists as your arms hug him tighter instinctively.

“I was just kidding,” you murmur with a small smile. “We should shower, though. Did you hear from anyone? Are we cleared to go back today?”

His eyes are trained on you when you meet his gaze again before he blinks, securing you closer to him again. “Haven’t heard yet. Not sure that bodes well for us.”

“I don’t know… another day alone out here doesn’t sound too bad,” you say, lips ghosting his neck as you curl into his warmth.

“Yeah,” he breathes through a twinge in his chest.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

He wants to stay here, just like this, forever. Just him and you. No need for things to end.

But he knows better. Or so he keeps telling himself.

The truth is, the moment you guys leave here, you’ll have to leave all of this with you.

He just got you close. He can’t force this ending so soon, he can’t.

It’s selfish and come tomorrow will probably be even more painful, but he needs you. For as long as he can have you, he will.

You pull away from him with a kiss to his cheek, “‘M gonna call Stark. Warm up the shower for me?”

“Yeah,” he answers in a trance as you let your hand slip across his stubbly jaw, watching you stand and saunter off to get your phone. “Anything,” he almost let slip before catching himself, “anything for you.” The sentiment may not pass his lips, but it echos deep in his chest nonetheless. A heavy, gripping truth he couldn’t deny if he wanted to.

—-

You’re drying off, trying not to let how wobbly your legs are at the moment be too noticeable as Bucky gets dressed near the bed. You feel his eyes on you every five seconds, so you know he’ll notice the second you give yourself away.

Your phone dings on the side table, catching both of your attentions.

You open the screen to find a message from Stark. He had said he’d get back to you as soon as he knew if you were good to go or not.

Departure at 16:30 tomorrow night. Sorry, but try not to kill each other. We’ll see you back at the compound.

And job well done, by the way.

“16:30 tomorrow,” you say aloud, glancing to Bucky who is already looking at you. “Got a little over 24 hours to kill… what ever shall we do?”

#keeping secrets series #bucky barnes x curvy!reader #bucky barnes x plus size reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x curvy!reader #bucky x plus size reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes series #keeping secrets #bucky x avenger!reader #bucky barnes x avenger!reader #dark!soulmate au #grey!bucky #bucky barnes x plus size!reader

[waitingintheskyyy]

How this lyrics has me

No one can keep you small Be bulletproof and ten feet tall An island, population:

OOOOONNNNEEEEEEEEEE

#star trek #strange new worlds #star trek strange new worlds #snw #st snw #subspace rhapsody #una chin riley #keeping secrets

[100gayicons]

Albert Delègue was ski instructor in Mérilheu, France, when he was spotted by a modeling talent agent in 1989. Delègue was intrigued and soon switching careers. He quickly became successful, working for such brands as Versace, Valentino, Calvin Klein and Giorgio Armani. His contract with Armani was rumored to be worth 5 million francs (nearly $1 million Euros).

His family reported that Albert suffered a serious ski accident in August 1994 that left him paralyzed. In March 1995 he was admitted to the hospital. His family announced he had died on April 14, 1995, as a result of complications due to his accident.

But within a week, the truth had been revealed. Media outlets reported that Delègue’s cause of death was AIDS-related encephalitis (inflammation of the brain). But family denied it, sticking to their ski accident story.

Delègue’s friend Alain Gossuin, a fellow fashion model, attempted to set the record straight in a television interview:

“His own family wanted to silence the real reason for his death. I had discussed it in a TV show, believing that my intervention would put a spotlight on the magnitude (of the AIDS) scourge.”

Delègue’s family complained to the broadcasting company and Gossuin’s comments about AIDS were edited out.

HIV and AIDS diagnosis come with a stigma, causing some sufferers and their families to hide it or deny it. Regarding the family, homophobia often plays a part.

When my partner of 13 years was diagnosed with AIDS, one of the first things he insisted on was that none of our friends could know. And when he died, he did not want me to tell his family. I told him I would honor his wishes while he was alive, but after his death, I would need to tell the truth. He died 7 months later. I won’t lie, keeping it a secret was an incredible burden.

On the day he passed away, I wrote a letter to all of our friends and to my partner’s brothers explaining what had happened and why I waited to tell them.

It was such a shame because so many of his friend expressed how much they would have wanted to spend him with him in his moment of need.

The Truth should alway take presidency.

#gay icons #gay rights #aids #Albert Delègue #male fashion model #HIV #keeping secrets #homophobia #versace

[mizgnomer]

Behind the Scenes of Fear Her - Part Six 

Excerpt from David Darlington's interview with writer Matthew Graham for Doctor Who Magazine:

David Darlington: Talking of the Doctor – how early in the process did you become involved? Were you, at any stage, writing for the ninth Doctor rather than the tenth?

Matthew Graham: No, it was always... when I started, I don't think David Tennant was officially attached. It was the worst kept secret in television, everyone knew about it, but no-one was officially acknowledging it. And there were rumours going round about Alan Davies, Stephen Fry, Bill Nighy, Richard E. Grant – but everyone knew it was going to be David Tennant. So right from the start I was writing with David in mind, and fairly soon after that it was confirmed. And that made it so much easier – watching Casanova, you just thought "Yeah, yeah, yeah! This is going to be great!" He is so good... and of course he's a fan, as well. He grew up with Doctor Who. I was talking to him the other day, and he said "When I was a kid I used to play at Doctor Who – I used to play at being the Doctor and now I am the Doctor!". What are the chances? That's another reason why I enjoyed the process – how could you possibly want to sully this experience? Why would I ever want to look back and think, "Doctor Who – that was the programme where I had all the rows with people"? The only thing I did, was when I started I was really worried that I wouldn't be able to do it and that Russell would have to rewrite it. And I didn't know how I would handle that, and I was very concerned. I was so concerned I phoned Russell and said "I'm really worried I'm going to mess this up, and you're not going to be able to tell me how I'm messing up, and you're going to have to rewrite it." And he was great - he said, "It's not going to happen on this show because you love it and you're coming at it with enthusiasm - that's the best weapon you've got." And he was right, because it was never a painful process...

Other parts of this set: [ one ] [ two ] [ three ] [ four ] [ five ] [ List of all Doctor Who Behind the Scenes photosets ]

#david tennant #billie piper #nina sosanya #doctor who #rtdedit #fear her #I always enjoy stories about how everyone knew it was DT #but had to deny it #poor DT #keeping secrets #(I'm sure he's doing it again right now) #stuff i posted #whoBts #whoBtsFear

[canon-gabriel-quotes]

Not quite a quote, but I felt it was relevant. https://clips.twitch.tv/BusyAssiduousMetalCopyThis-qJSxB4fs5F0vRAMA

An excellent but mildly concerning clip

#what did he mean by this #keeping secrets

[aesethewitch]

I was showing a friend my spell recipe card designs, and she asked me why I didn't do step-by-step instructions for the magic portion of the recipes. I include tips, tricks, and ideas, as well as correspondence information, but I don't provide a one-two-three guide for casting the spells, even in the long-form posts. My reasoning for this is twofold:

First of all, the recipe cards are intended mostly for practitioners who already have a basis for their magical practices. Folks who have paradigms in place and ways of doing their magics. They're friendly enough for newer practitioners, with room to interpret, add, remove, and grow. They're spells in and of themselves, yes, but they're also prompts.

Even in commissions, where I provide extra context, tips, and instructions, I leave it to the practitioner to form the full ritual. I make mention of where I suggest including certain words or actions, and I note when to focus or rest, but... it's up to the reader to interpret that. My way isn't going to be your way, and so instructions written too specifically won't apply anymore. I don't want you to practice my magic, I want to inspire you to practice your magic.

Secondly... I use this magic. I'm a folk practitioner. Many of these recipes are spells I cast and use. I'm not going to give out all of my secrets. I'll share some techniques and ideas of where to include magic, but if I were to provide full, step-by-step instructions, it would end up as a recreation of my own workings. And that's a no-no to me. I leave out additional ingredients, steps, incantations, and techniques on purpose. I add extra tidbits that I don't actually use but that still make sense in context.

No spellwork that you see posted here (or anywhere) is 100% accurate to life. Partly because I want my work to inspire others to create their own paths, but also to protect my own magics. It doesn't make sense to share my most closely-guarded secrets. Why on earth would I give out the keys to undoing all my hard work?

Information, I think, should be shared. Communities can't thrive if we're all siloed completely away from each other. It's good to write guides and recipes and books; it's good to share tidbits and tips and tricks; it's good to provide context and help others understand and build on each others' works. It's important, even.

But at the same time, there are some things that are best kept hidden to yourself. You can't just post whatever on the internet and believe there will be no consequences. Some things should be private, and it's up to each of us to decide where to draw that line.

#aese speaks #magic #witchcraft #witchblr #keeping secrets #sharing knowledge #timely thoughts based on a post i saw this afternoon #thought i'd. throw my 2 cents in

[punkrock-bottom]

#music #my faves #fit for a king #keeping secrets #Spotify

[flamingredanon]

*falls through the void after an exhausting grocery trip*

You know those stories where Henry hides his timeline powers because he isn't sure how Charles and Ellie or Reginald and Right would react?

But what if they already knew that Henry had these powers, maybe not knowing exact details on things but being around Henry enough to know that he is dealing with something very funky or time related, and that they were fine with it and maybe even also help Henry keep his powers a secret.

Ellie and Right have their own powers and various cybernetic features, Reginald may or may not have his own abilities alongside the fact that he does deal with most if not all of the Toppat Clan in general here, and Charles seems like the guy that wouldn't mind freaky stuff as long as you aren't a Toppat or a major criminal.

They all probably understand in their own ways why Henry hasn't told them and they probably don't want to force the information out of him, so they keep quiet untill the day Henry comes clean to them and go from there.

#mod lizzy rambles #henry stickmin #timeline powers henry #keeping secrets #charles and reg seem like the two who would want to hear about henrys various timeline adventures #while right and ellie probably wouldn't want henry having to remember unpleasant memories including his deaths #especially if you headcanon ellie and right with their own past issues they dont want to remember #reg learns about the jewel baron timeline and his concern is about if the other two jewels could withstand a powerful laser blast #*rolls back into the void*

[fuzzyghost]

#keeping secrets #tv movie #90s movies #vhs #secret #screencap

[elvensemi]

Updated 3/13: Chapter 114

Anything is an appropriate update time if you've stopped sleeping!

#adventures of a fic writer #keeping secrets #i've stopped doing previews in these because you guys all already know what this is I think

[dollybambieyes]

top 3 cuntiest books i've read this year xoxo

cleopatra and frankenstein by coco mellors

this book literally served cunt like omg i dont even know where to begin. well first of all, we stan the 20-year age gap!! anyways, i think it is fair to say that it is probably (academically) the best book i've ever read. it's one of those broad books that kind of drags on, one where not much happens. now typically this would be the exact kind of thing to bore me to death, leaving me in a reading slump, but there was something about this book that was different. there was just something so out of this world that made this novel so special, a true masterpiece. just being able to sit there and get a real look into the relationships and personal growth of the characters was absolutely breathtaking. p.s thought i'd present you with the honorable mention that i did in fact picture cleo as SARAH (cause like obviously big lip blonde supremacy!!!) and i obviously pictured frank as JOHN STAMOS (cause like honestly come on he is THE dilf).

my year of rest and relaxation by ottessa moshfegh

another cunty favorite. but honestly all that needs be said is "strange book and even stranger that i relate to it."

keeping secrets by suzanne somers

oh my lord. cunty cunt cunt!! "i wrote this book for all of us who fell asleep in class, who hid in our closets, who couldn't form friendships, who silently hated ourselves. i wrote this book for all of us who were violent when violence was something we hated; all of us who lied, who kept secrets, who blamed ourselves, who made excuses, covered up, created crises and told stories to protect the terrible reality we lived in." this book was effortlessly beautiful and poetic and i owe it all to the beautiful sarah doeksen for allowing me to find suzanne and this masterpiece of a novel she has created xoxo.

#cleopatra and frankenstein #my year of rest and relaxation #keeping secrets #suzanne somers #2014 tumblr #girlblogger #girlboss fr #reading #fav books

[reasonatedtarot]

The Magician in typical tarot is about personal power. He is the Master of Secrets 😀😄😁😃.

It is very similar to The High Priestess who is a matriarch of spiritual ventures. She’s nurturing and embodiment of the Moon. But she keeps most of her power hidden, doesn’t spread her occult or magical knowledges for everyone.

If you are on the same wavelength and can communicate that way, you will. “If you know, you know!” Says The High Priestess.

#astrologer #gemini moon #zodiac signs #libra rising #astro observations #scorpio venus #astro notes #aries moon #astro community #love astrology #tarot #high priestess #Isis #Nephthys #master of secrets #keeping secrets #esoteric #mental #psychic #knowing #believing #understanding

[howifeltabouthim]

She would have to keep this appalling secret forever, until she was old, except that she would never be old, she would die of grief.

Iris Murdoch, from The Book and the Brotherhood

#grief #die young #burden #too much #overwhelming #shame #secret #keeping secrets #weighed down #suffering #quotes #lit #words #excerpts #quote #literature #iris murdoch #the book and the brotherhood

[beemintty]

sometimes you have to have difficult conversations before you are ready.

#i had to have probably one of the hardest conversations in my life yesterday #and it didn't really get any easier after.... #but i had to have the conversation #i was doing so much more damage by leaving the conversation till too late #i did so much damage by leaving the conversation too late #sometimes you have to have hard conversation before you're ready for the sake of the people you care about #i should have brought it up long before she moved in #for my parents sake #for her sake #i made a mistake.... and i realised much to late #on coming out #thoughts #on life #my thoughts #on love #poetry #coming out #keeping secrets #hard conversations #words are hard #be braver #lqbtqia+

[ilovewhiteroses]

Keeping Secrets - Series

Pairing: The Corinthian x Cop Reader Genre: Thriller, drama Warnings: Swearing, horror, smut Rating: 18+

PART 1. PART 2. PART 3. PART 4.

#keeping secrets #fanfic update #the corinthian fanfic