#feel like a kid no matter what. especially with my family or how i perceive my family treated me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

midnightsunnyday · 1 year

Text

So, once again, here I am at 2 AM with another hot take, this time on Lucifer.

If you really look at it, from the very beginning of the story, Lucifer isn't that horrible to us. You might think this is my Lucifucker bias kicking in, but for the first few chapters of the story, Lucifer is somewhat amicable to us being there. Authoritative, autocratic, patronizing, kinda scary, and well, prideful (duh), but otherwise...tolerable and leaves us to our own devices, for the most part.

The only time he begins to show hostility is when he starts to suspect us of having ulterior motives for making pacts with his brothers and getting too involved in his family's business. The two times where he does attack us may seem unwarranted to the player, but narratively, makes sense in regards to Lucifer's characterization.

So yes, it's time to get ready for...

Me analyzing the two times Lucifer tried to kill the ever loving shit out of us because I'm a simp, but also one who can read (somewhat):

So, let's look at Lesson 6 or the first time Lucifer tries to murder bomb us. We, the reader, know that Luke, despite his feelings towards demons, wouldn't intentionally do anything to harm the brothers and obviously, had no idea what he was holding was a grimoire. He was a lost kid who unfortunately, stumbled across something he shouldn't have touched.

Yet from Lucifer's perspective, he sees an angel (beings who he's shown to hold bias against...for obvious reasons) trying to "steal" the very book that if in the wrong hands, could put his entire family in danger, along with the human who's protecting him (who he's shown to be already skeptical of), and his own brother, who hid the angel in their very home and allowed him the opportunity to do so.

Right now, he's not looking at the situation like we are because we already have that information. We know why Luke is in the underground tomb. We know why Beelzebub tried to hide him. But for Lucifer, all he sees is the enemy invading his home. This is the first time we see Lucifer enraged past the point of reason, so much so that if not for Diavolo, he would've killed MC.

Remember the beginning title of Lesson 6: There Are Some Wounds Time Can't Heal. Lucifer's reaction may not have been logical to us, yet considering what we learned about the secret room, about the brothers being former angels and fighting in the Celestial War and Lilith's death from Beelzebub two chapters earlier, it was logical to Lucifer and Lucifer alone. It doesn't excuse him from doing it, but it's an important part of his characterization and purposely done to show how these events still affect him.

The same is true with Lesson 12. Lucifer tries to straight up dead us again, yet only after learning that we disobeyed his warnings about going up into the attic and conversed with Belphegor. Add that with him finally beginning to trust us (even developing small hints of a crush, flirting with us more than once) and the rather heartwarming bonding moment before it and Lucifer's trust is completely broken. Considering we learn later on why Belphegor was locked in the attic and what really happened to Lilith, Lucifer's reaction is not surprising. Not great, but not surprising.

It's then you begin to understand the basis of Lucifer's rage. Before making his vow to Diavolo, Lucifer states that whether demon or angel, he will always stay true to his convictions. Right then and there, we see what truly matters to Lucifer. His love for Lilith, his family. Even if it means sacrificing his pride and serving Diavolo. Even if it means becoming the bad guy to his brothers. He did, especially with the lack of options, what was necessary to save his sister. In turn, said decision also saved his brothers.

And so we see that the only two times where Lucifer is ready to attack is due to the perceived threat against his family, going so far as to risk Diavolo's goals of uniting the three realms not once, but twice, something that he surely knows the consequences for.

So yeah, I write all that to say that you can dislike Lucifer all you want. You can argue about how he punishes his brothers, especially Mammon. You can argue how he's a stubborn ass with the emotional communication skills of a sun-dried turd. You can argue that he's too subservient to Diavolo, to the point where he takes for granted his brothers wishes or feelings (arguments in which I do have opposing opinions on, but to do so will make this post longer than it needs to be).

Yet to call him evil is to ignore so many pieces of his characterization that shows otherwise. How vulnerable he can be, how affectionate, how silly, how he truly loves his brothers and will go out of his way for them, etc.

But to call him good isn't quite right either since well...he has no qulams about killing people, threatening them, attacking his siblings in a rage induced tantrum, lying, locking people in attics...

He's the well-intentioned extremist. The lawful evil. The noble demon. A rabid dog who snaps and barks at the slightest threat but pet him once and tell him he's a good boy and he'll melt in your hand.

Like, I know this shit is long, and I could go even further, but for now I'm going to defend the fact that Lucifer is just...he's a good character, ok? A good, complicated, mess of a character.

And I absolutely love him for it.

#in conclusion your honor he is innocent #but also...eh #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me lucifer #it's defend lucifer hours #i would do rabid things in parking lots for this man #but also will back over him with my car (affectionately)#trying to do better with analyzing stories and characters #also i hope this was comprehensive #i was really tired when writing it so i hope i didnt miss too much

505 notes · View notes

ardent-fox · 9 months

Text

Thinking about how differently Ian and Mickey were raised and how their families influenced the way that they love and show that love.

How Ian's had his siblings to fall back on his entire life, while Mickey's spent most of his time as an outsider in his own home. The way Ian's affection says "I have so much love in me to give, but I love you more than anything", and Mickey's is more of "I've never really loved anyone, but you're the exception" and both are equally valid and just as intense, it's never been about who loves who more or who fell for the other first.

Also, the fact that they are so similar, yet different - they both have an aspect of duality to them, Ian being soft yet tough and Mickey being rough around the edges yet sensitive, which provides such a solid basis for their relationship, yet keeps their dynamic interesting. Ian "I would do anything to make your life better" Gallagher and Mickey "I'll fuckin' obliterate anyone who harms you" Milkovich feeling free to just be themselves while protecting one another in their own unique way.

While I'm glad that Ian grew up with a support system in which affection was openly expressed, I can't help but think about how Mickey hadn't and has probably only ever felt truly loved by Ian. How he's had to hide so many facets of himself growing up and, while he's had some beef with the Gallagher siblings, seemed more relaxed and content living in their house than he'd ever been. He may have witnessed some arguments there from time to time, but it was never truly malicious or abusive, and their shared love of Ian has always made them push their differences aside and work together when he needs their help.

This is why, even though Mickey is a fence-sitter regarding him and Ian having kids, I feel like it could potentially be beneficial to him if they decide to take the plunge. It might give him a chance to create his own tribe of people who love him and who he loves back, his little supportive unit that he's never had before. He's had such lovely character development over the years and we see him open up more in the last season especially, and the way we're left with him and Ian working on their communication gives the message that they will carve their way out in life no matter its challenges.

Don't even get me started on what a kick-ass dad I think Mickey (and Ian) would be if he were to put his whole heart into parenthood. I imagine he'd continue to let his guard down even more with their kids, to the point where they'd stare blankly at Ian when he tells them how closed-off and defensive Mickey was in their youth, not seeing him that way at all. That's not to say that, even if they never come to be, the progress within himself and their relationship won't continue to be just as valid.

So yeah, I guess my point is that even though their families shaped them in the way they love and perceive themselves to some degree, they also get a chance to filter everything out and implement only the good parts when creating their life together now, which is honestly amazing all on its own.

#thank you for coming to my ted talk #i don't usually write meta (if this is even that?) but couldn't help myself #ian x mickey #gallavich

135 notes · View notes

tanoraqui · 1 year

Text

I think the Silmarillion fandom is very inclined toward hindsight bias re: the homicidality and moreover the perceived homicidality of First Age Fëanorians. To be fair so is the text of The Silmarillion! But I do think it’s important, when considering political and social dynamics of Beleriand, to remember that:

the majority of kinslaying was 85% of the way through the First Age or later, AFTER everything else had gone to firmly hell first

for that matter, Celegorm & Curufin’s attempted coup of Nargothrond was 80% of the way through, when everything had gone halfway to hell first

the Doom mentioned the House of Fëanor specifically, and of course there’s the Oath, but the Doom very much included “and everyone who follows them” and nobody knew exactly what the Oath would lead to (see: point 1)

exactly 2 people are named in conjunction to the Kinslaying at Alqualondë. One is Fëanor, starting it. The other is Fingon, the Valiant, rescuer of kings and foiler of dragons and High Prince then King of the Noldor, ending it with “the foremost of the host of Fingolfin.”

With that in mind, I think a highly likely summary of Beleriand social/political dynamics is,

Fëanorians, on average: Fuck you all, we did what we did and we’re doing what we’re doing!! (But we did not mean to kill (so many) people to get here, and we’re even kinda glad Fingolfin & co are here for backup, because we may have bitten off more than we can chew. (Wasn’t it generous of King Maedhros to let him wear the crown for now?)

About 1/3 Fingolfin’s people: @Feanorians you bastards led us into kinslaying and Doom and then you burned the ships and LEFT US to suffer on the Ice. You TRAITORS.

About 2/3 Fingolfin’s host, especially those who ended up in Nargothrond and Gondolin: @Fëanorians you bastards led our people into kinslaying and Doom and then you burned the ships and left us to suffer on the Ice. You TRAITORS. / @the ‘foremost’ of Fingolfin’s host: Why the FUCK did you run in and start killing people; what the FUCK is wrong with you

Beleriand locals, led by Thingol: You’re ALL a bunch of lying kinslayers, some more duplicitous than the others I guess—except you, Finrod, you’re an angel and we’re delighted you’re here. Your followers are…alright. Have a third of the continent <3

A number of locals significantly less affiliated with Thingol and Doriath: …okay kinslaying is BAD, obviously, and ship-burning and abandonment…also bad, but less so. Definitely wasteful, definitely a dick move. Your royal family has weird internal feuds. But thank fuck someone is here with better weapons to aim at the Enemy so I can keep living on my farm rather than die or move to Doriath!

That said I can easily believe Fingolfin took general responsibility his people’s part in the Kinslaying, and even when apologizing, specific names of which of them took part, up to and including Fingon, were deliberately left out of the commonly known narrative. Better to have any given individual plausibly innocent (while potentially guilty) rather than some definitely guilty and the rest assumed still potentially guilty and lying about it! But I’m equally sure that detailed gossip from Noldorin infighting slipped through, albeit garbled. Just how much might’ve depended a great deal on specifically how Finarfin’s kids were all feeling about their eldest (full) cousin.

Tldr: for most of the First Age, if someone was side-eyeing the Fëanorians really hard over Alqualondë, they were almost certainly side-eyeing the Fingolfinians for the same reason, and if they were side-eyeing the Fëanorians over treachery/abandonment, it was equally based on hearsay and obvious old grudges, rather than anything they had done in sight in Beleriand.

#the silmarillion #analysis

319 notes · View notes

funhouse-mirror-barbie · 6 days

Text

The Decay of Complex Characters and Character Development in Helluva Boss (Stolas and Octavia’s Relationship: Part 1 of 2)

Part 2 here

I’ve seen this in a few different places, but it’s been on my mind in particular since the animated “Look My Way” music video that dropped a while back.

The way the song was updated for the animated music video made the changes to Stolas’ character stick out even more to me, and I really want to talk about what I perceive as some really flawed writing decisions around Stolas’ character.

If you’re a fan of HB please know that I’m not trying to attack the creators or change whatever opinions or feelings you have about the story. If you love this show and this character and they mean a lot to you that’s great! My goal is never to spread negativity or toxicity—it’s always to talk openly about media and how we interact with it. ☺️

I want to start by saying I was a big fan of Helluva Boss, and of Stolas, up until the second season started. And before the second season, my favorite episode by far was “Loo-loo Land”.

(TLDR at the end of the post if you don’t have time to read thru!)

I still really like the episode now, and I especially love the opening scene and song. It’s beautiful, and the song “You Will be Okay” has brought me to tears more than once. It’s one of the best songs in the entire series, and I think the only one that tops it for me is probably “The House of Asmodeus”.

The whole sequence of “You Will be Okay” is both heartening and heartbreaking—it captures the unconditional love and protection a parent promises to give their child, while also expressing the sad truth about that promise that only a parent can know—that you can’t and won’t always be around for your child.

No matter how much you want to protect them from the dangers of the world, you can’t—parents have to let their kids go out into the world and become their own person—the most a parent can do is try to always be there in any way they can for their kids, even if they can’t be there physically.

The lyrics and tone of the song tell us as much. It’s very clear that Stolas is acutely aware that something may happen to him and that he needs to let Octavia know that while he may not be there with her physically, his love for her will always be with her, protecting her.

The build up to the song’s crescendo matching the visuals around Stolas and Octavia bring everything in the scene together really well, and Bryce’s performance is so good that it made me believe for a second that he would keep his promise to Octavia. That he would never abandon her, and would always put her needs as his child first.

That, somehow, he will truly be with her always protecting her, and that she really will be okay.

For a moment it was possible for me to forget the dramatic irony of the situation. That this was the past, that I already knew for a fact that Stolas would cheat on Stella and jeopardize his family life.

The song comes to a close, and through all the seemingly random chaos happening in space around them, Stolas keeps Octavia safe, and lulls her back to sleep. They return to her room, and the scene ends on Via in bed sleeping peacefully.

The whole sequence does such a fantastic job of showing you what Stolas’ and Octavia’s relationship was like when she was a child. She trusts him implicitly, and, at least at this time in her life, he seems to have been a present and loving father.

What makes this scene work even better though, is the transition to the present that follows RIGHT after it.

At the end of the song we get this jarring and sharp match-cut of a teenage Octavia being jolted awake by the shrill screaming and fighting of her parents in the background. In that instant, we as the audience see her going from feeling safe and having a seemingly idyllic childhood, to being a moody and neglected teen with a turbulent and unstable family life.

The music change that accompanies this not only fits the change in mood perfectly, but it quite literally tells us what she is feeling—her whole world is crashing down around her.

To this day, I think this transition is wonderful.

The visuals do such an amazing job conveying the changes that have happened in the Goetia family through Octavia’s perspective. And it’s extremely important because it immediately shows the audience that Stolas broke his promise.

I watched this episode when it came out, and when the only other Helluva Boss story and world-building we had was the Pilot and S1E1-“Murder Family”. While it could be assumed that Stella would not be happy about her husband’s cheating, we didn’t know anything about her personality and how she would react.

So. while it was clear that Stella wasn’t acting appropriately or maturely in the next scene, it was also VERY clear that Stolas was at fault for breaking up their relationship by cheating.

I will be talking about Stella’s character in “The Circus”, and how she is used as tool to absolve Stolas of any wrongdoing in season 2 later. For now, I want to stress that I will NOT be talking about future development of her character here.

After Stella leaves Stolas tries to connect with Octavia like they used to and just continuously fails. It’s clear that she’s still very angry with him for cheating on her Mom, and that his trying to carry on like nothing is wrong is irritating her.

Stolas asks her if she slept well and all she can sarcastically say is “Is that a serious question?”

What Stolas does next to try and reconnect with Octavia is very very important because it shows that he’s still being extremely selfish.

He decides they’re going to LooLoo Land, in a poor attempt to recapture some of their old good memories together and does not once LISTEN to Octavia and what she actually wants to do.

They go, but he uses the trip as an excuse to meet up with Blitzø, and behaves inappropriately and flirts with him the whole time, right in front of Octavia.

This, rightly, is extremely upsetting to her, and she runs away. Stolas follows after her and they have a heart to heart where he FINALLY FINALLY takes the time to listen to some of her concerns and why she is upset.

The episode ends on a happy note-with Stolas asking Octavia what SHE wants to do and what her interests are, and Octavia admitting to Stolas that, “You’re okay sometimes”.

This episode is extremely important to Stolas’ character because it does such a good job of getting across to the audience that Stolas is not a perfect person. That he’s someone who has people he genuinely cares about and loves, but that he can still royally fuck up. He’s sleazy, he doesn’t respect Blitzø’s boundaries, he neglects his daughter, and he doesn’t listen to her, putting his own desires and needs ahead of hers.

And the resolution to this episode is important, not because it fixes everything, but because it is the first STEP in the right direction for Stolas becoming better and becoming the father his daughter needs him to be again.

This episode ends with Stolas meeting the BARE MINIMUM to START making amends with Octavia. He doesn’t even say sorry, just that he would never leave her to run off with Blitzø. There is still a lot that Stolas needs to do to make amends with her, and to repair the ruptures in their relationship.

Due to this, at the time this episode came out, I thought that this was just the very beginning of Stolas’ first character arc—realizing his actions could truly HURT those he cared about, and having to come to terms with the fact that he was in the wrong. That something he did, hurt those around him, and that he would need to take responsibility for that.

“Loo-loo Land” went to such great lengths to show us that Stolas is imperfect. That he is someone who is capable of mistakes and doing the wrong thing, of being oblivious and selfish, and of needing to do better.

And before “The Circus” and “Seeing Stars”, I believed that the writers could develop his character to grow and change and become a better person for his loved ones.

This doesn’t happen however, as again the writers bend over backwards to make sure that Stolas never has to actually directly answer for his mistakes. So much so that they literally don’t let him say “Sorry” to Octavia the next time he breaks a promise to her and doesn’t consider her needs before his own.

After S2E2 of Helluva Boss, “Seeing Stars”, came out, I officially lost any faith in the writers to have Stolas ACTUALLY take ownership and responsibility for the ways he harms those he loves. That first step he took on the path to healing his relationship with Octavia from “Loo Loo Land” has been totally erased, and I can’t imagine whatever resolution they come up with for his character will be satisfying.

I have no doubt that Stolas will receive a happy ending, but I predict it will be one with 0 stakes, and 0 satisfaction, because it will not have been earned. I worry that with any character flaw or upset he causes, another character will be swept under the rug in order to make Stolas appear as if he was always in the right.

As I’ve said before, if that’s the story the writers want to tell, that’s fine. It’s their story, not mine.

I just personally cannot imagine not wanting to explore those character faults and acknowledge them. Maybe, hopefully, I’ll be pleasantly surprised. I’d really like that.

I’ll be following up to this post with a critique specifically of how “Seeing Stars” is very much a retread of “Loo Loo Land”, but in all the worst ways possible.

TLDR;

-In my opinion, the initial handling of Stolas as a flawed and complex character who could make mistakes and be in the wrong was really well done.

-The first canon episode that gives Stolas focus, “Loo Loo Land”, goes to great lengths to show us the ways in which Stolas has failed Octavia.

-This was a great set-up for character development and for Stolas to have to come to terms with his actions and change, but future episodes do not follow through on this set up.

-Will be talking about the episodes that undo the set ups for Stolas’ character development in Part 2.

#helluva boss critical #helluva boss critique #helluva boss criticism #stolas critical #? I guess? not really? more just examining what I interpret as poor writing choices with his character #media critique #media criticism #long post #HB critique #I don’t know if I want to tag as critical cause I’ve seen some people dunking on the creators #and I just don’t feel comfortable with talking that way about people I really don’t know #I’ve gleaned from some other critique accounts that there is a good deal of drama within the fandom and surrounding the creator #but again I don’t know the creator personally and I also don’t think it’s very fair to chalk every single decision made in a collaborative #to a single person #part 1 of 2 #octavia goetia #poor Octavia

14 notes · View notes

funforahermit · 14 days

Text

This is not gonna make sense. This is not gonna make sense, and you don't have to read it. It's for me. I am sad. I'm so fucking sad tonight. I haven't been crying in a long time, but somehow I just can't stop now. And I feel so selfish. But I also feel so alone. But maybe I should be alone. Maybe I deserve to be alone. I need to change so much. I need to learn how to lie. I've never been able to. I've never been able to lie. I've never been able to just let it rest, to just say whatever will defuse the situation, to just say whatever. I've always cared too much, especially with the people close to me, cared too much about being perceived correctly. See it's always about me. I'm so selfish. My selfishness gets in the way of kindness. I need to stop caring about the truth of myself in order to be kind. I need to stop talking about my thoughts and my feelings, they are too complicated, nobody gets them, and nobody wants to, or needs to. I need to shut up and not care and just BE. KIND. I'm asking too much of my mother. She's old, and she's tired, and if she didn't get all my long-winded explanations the first 1000 times she won't get them the next 1000 times. Nothing I'm desperately trying to get into her head even matters, I'm just obsessed with being as truthful and accurate as possible. I need to stop. I need to stop caring about that. I need to start treating my own mother like I would treat a stranger. With kindness and without the desire to be known. And it hurts. And I hate that it hurts. It should be easy. And it would be easy if I wasn't a self-involved little bitch.

And that's not even everything. I'm also crying about the fact that I don't have any friends. Which is also my own fault. I have real life friends that I see like once a year if I'm lucky. Two of them have families, husbands, little kids, and I'm always scared of not knowing what to do or how to act when we meet. I avoid everything that scares me as a rule. Bad life choice. The third one has a way of making me feel like shit. It's complicated. And that's it, three is all there is. And online? I just can't seem to connect to anyone. I'm bad at talking, so so bad. I don't know how it works. Like am I supposed to ask you about your life? Am I supposed to ramble about mine? Isn't this boring? How am I gonna remember all of it? What happens if I don't? And what if I just wanna talk about fandom? Even in the discord supposedly dedicated to a certain person there's only like one channel in which we actually talk about that person. Well I say we, like I'm talking. I say the wrong thing and get ignored and get too scared to come back. Or sometimes someone replies something nice and it's good for two minutes, and then I don't know how to follow up and it's over. And here on tumblr I talk and talk and talk, to everyone and no one. To myself. And I watch people bond over mutual quirks and kinks that aren't mine.

I'm crying because I want to be a different person. Because I want to be someone who has friends. Because I want to be someone who knows how to have friends. To make, to have, to keep. I know none of it.

I have much to think about.

12 notes · View notes

lurkinglurkerwholurks · 3 months

Text

Why Should a Star, a Star Ever Be Afraid of the Dark

First posted: May 17, 2019

Focuses on: Peter Parker and Morgan Stark (MCU)

Tier: Low, so low, so unappreciated

This is my “behind the scenes” series where I indulge myself horribly by annotating my fics. Link to the fic itself above. Thoughts below the cut.

Ah, another unexpected MCU fic that burst out of my chest through the force of my post-Endgame emotions. Since it's not my primary fandom and I posted in a time where much much larger writers were also saying things, it got next to no attention, then or now. That's okay. I'm still glad I wrote it.

Peter bit his bottom lip as he traced the metal leg of the Imperial Walker, extending the line of grey from the box shape of the body down to where the snow would be. Maybe he shouldn’t have picked the Battle of Hoth as his muse. A snow battle on white paper was boring. He paused, frowned, and set the paper aside.

It's funny, writing fic with well-known characters, because you want to get them right. But there are so many ways to perceive a character, especially one that's been portrayed and analyzed so many different ways, so it often comes down less to what makes logical, concrete sense and more about what just feels right. Even this opening was a lot of mentally flipping through a bunch of different options until I found one that felt right for Peter. I also think Calvin and Hobbes did a similar joke with a drawing of a tiger hiding in snow or something. Call it an homage.

Peter was still getting used to Morgan, to everything like her that proved that life had gone on while he had been… away. One minute, he’d been a regular kid punching aliens in space, and the next, it was five years later. Five whole years. And there were people like Morgan who hadn’t existed when he’d closed his eyes but were suddenly here, sparkly princess tiara on her head and a tiny Ready to Rock t-shirt stained with what looked like a smear of goldfish crackers.

MCU really really failed when it came to the ramifications of the Snap. Such a travesty.

“See?” she had said, swinging her bare toes over the surface of the lake. “It’s better with your shoes off.” Peter had taken off his shoes, and they had sat there together, watching the air slowly thicken with gnats and then mosquitoes as the sun dipped lower and lower and turned the lake golden. She had been right about the shoes.

I forgot how much I liked this fic.

“Cheering,” Morgan said matter-of-factly. “That’s Mommy and Happy and Uncle Rhodey and you and Amanda and Maddox and Mr. Lu and Mrs. Iye and—“

It's fun naming incidental characters. Sometimes you get to slip friends in. Just for fun.

For every happy story about a family reunited, there was another about people returning only to find out that their loved ones had moved on or died. Weddings were still a thing after the Snap. So were babies. And car accidents and relocations and cancer and birthdays. Life went on. Death went on, too.

MCU BIT IT. JUST UTTERLY TANKED IT.

The crayon snapped in Peter’s hand, a tiny crack of Fern.

I had to google green crayon colors.

This was a good little fic. Next to no attention, but again, that's okay. I think I wrote a good kid Morgan who isn't too cutesy, a decent Peter, and a tolerable little look at grief. Yay me.

#fanfic bts brain dump #peter parker #morgan stark #mcu #fanfic

9 notes · View notes

oceanic-sunsets · 1 year

Text

Mike and El's fight: getting each other and not understanding each other at the same time

I was rewatching some s4 scenes last night, and during Mike and El's fight, there's always been something that makes my brain start making desperate alarm noises, and This post portrayed perfectly what the scene always reminds me of.

So let's see:

We know this is true. Mike does know what it's like to be bullied. But despite having seen him confront bullies and almost dying jumping off that cliff in s1, El doesn't feel understood. Mike is trying to connect with her and let her know she's not alone, because yes, he does get it.

And El not feeling understood doesn't only come from Mike's cold attitude toward her when the incident just happened, or Mike not being able to say "I love you". These factors definitely add to it, but that's not all.

For El, there's nothing out of the ordinary with Mike, something that makes him REALLY different, unlike her with her powers and being raised in a lab. From El's perspective, the bullies Mike has come across are wrong in targeting Mike because what they say it's not true, they're just being mean. But they're right about her.

She is actually different, she doesn't fit in society in a conventional way thanks to her powers and her childhood, and she never will. She can't ignore her past and it's not that easy to move on and pretend when you're different from other people who expect you to conform to their vision of how someone should be like.

But the thing is, El is unaware this rings true for Mike too. Inadvertently, she's describing exactly how he feels and why he's a target for bullies. This isn't her fault, as she wasn't raised in society in a conventional way. She probably has no idea homophobia is a thing or how it's a systemic issue, bigger than one or two random bullies.

Mike still tries to connect with El, but their fight starts getting worse from this moment on, and yes, their issues aren't JUST because El told Mike he doesn't understand, but a big part of their crumbling relationship does come from not understanding each other.

Queer kids feel like they don't belong all the time, because that's what society teaches them as they grow up. Love stories are not about them, adventures aren't about them. Songs and art are all about falling in love with the opposite gender. (Yes this is slowly changing, but this is the 80's and homophobia is still a thing in the world in our current era.)

El says "anywhere", and this still applies to queer kids. No matter where in the world you are, homophobia is present in some way or another. Especially in the 80's.

And something funny happens. Because here's Mike not understanding El, despite this applying to his experience with bullying too. This is him not understanding her troublesome, abusive childhood, and how having superpowers doesn't automatically make it better. But Mike is baffled, because in his eyes, El is amazing, a superhero, she has people who care about her and love her (her family, not just him), and she gets to be the hero of the story. The bullies are obviously just dumb and don't get it!

....That's exactly how El perceives Mike's story with bullying, too. She doesn't realize he feels and is different too. She's unaware of the repression, of how society turns against certain groups of people and makes their lives a living hell simply for existing.

Mike has people who care about him and love him. But you never know who is going to turn their backs on you the moment the truth is out. And anywhere you go, homophobia is still present and it's not only emotionally draining and affects your self-perception, but it can also be physically dangerous.

So, in the middle of their discussion and failing to understand each other.... They do get it, but aren't communicating it clearly. El is going to understand once the truth is out, because they aren't so different after all.

So no, they don't understand each other. But they could because their experiences and feelings of self-worth and how they (not)fit into the world aren't that different after all.

#byler #mike wheeler #eleven #el hopper #jane hopper #elmike #platonic elmike #they're my beloveds #if they could just talk to each other #but TRULY talk to each other without the failed romance drama #they could be really good friends #they just dont work out romantically for obvious reasons

84 notes · View notes

zeroducks-2 · 8 months

Note

I love your deep dives into the relationships between batman and other characters, because it feels like DC has set it up so that if you look even slightly below the surface of Bruce Wayne's character, you realize just how awful of a person he is. He's selfish and mopey, and values his moral code so highly that he's willing to let countless people die to hold onto his own perceived "good"-ness. I feel like he's created more supervillians than he's successfully stopped.

Thanks anon, and yeah I more or less agree with you. Bruce is deeply flawed and written in a way that more often than not reflects the DC directions of misogyny and enforcing of patriarchal stereotypes, but in a way that's also what makes the character so fascinating to read.

I dislike the exaggerated versions of "good dad Bruce who loves his children above all else" because they're false. Bruce loves some of the vigilante kids he's taken under his roof but his love is conditional; it's not the kind of unbridled affection that comes from a parent, instead manifesting in the form of what little praise and approval he shows towards his "kids" when they act in a way he deems correct. And I especially dislike when fans try to push the "the girls are undoubtedly his favorites" narrative because it couldn't be less true, and he doesn't give a shit about Cass and Steph (they've barely even been there after the reboot anyway). But even if I hate Bruce Wayne as a person, I love him as a character.

Bruce is a very dark character who connects more to someone like Joker than to his own family and friends. He's a prisoner of his own traumas in a way which makes him look constantly wounded, constantly suffering, and everyone around him tends to get sucked into and dragged down by his darkness. He's terribly flawed, and his moral code and perceived goodness is flawed too, but he still holds it as the ultimate standard of righteousness and it doesn't matter who you are and what you do - if you don't abide by it, you lose Bruce's affection and respect. He not only doesn't kill, but would do anything to protect the lives of the people who he claims to want to stop, and when he's written by someone competent, Bruce himself is painfully aware of this and of how much he should be behind the same bars behind which he keeps locking the "rogues".

Because of this, when he shows compassion and understanding it comes off as extremely powerful. When he praises one of his "kids" it feels like the ends of the world. When someone manages to make him light up it feels like the ultimate accomplishment. When in some variants he's shown more human and less stoic, it grips my heart so tight. He's absolutely an awful person but I suppose it does take an awful person to dress like a bat every night and go beat up folks in the street.

#my asks #sorry I'm all over the place I have barely an idea of what I wrote #I'm not even going to tag this properly lol #Bruceman

18 notes · View notes

fryandleelasbigfling · 1 year

Text

on fry, leela, and the baby carriage (pre-hulurama)

aka “jen infodumps about her freela parenting headcanons for a very long time”

i think about this a lot. other people in the fandom think about this a lot. if fry and leela do get permanently married and settle down... would they ever have kids? could that work in the narrative, somehow?

this is, in my opinion, a complicated question, but one that i think would be utterly fascinating for the show to address. and to explain it, i’m going to talk about leela and fry’s individual trauma surrounding family, the struggles this would cause them in trying to have kids, and whether they would want to give it a shot anyway.

this is going to be a very long post.

leela

i’m gonna be honest. leela has mom energy. i think this is the inevitable reality of any character played by katey sagal, but the show itself has leaned into this characterization several times -- bender sarcastically calling her “mom” in “fry am the egg man,” and of course “2d blacktop” making an entire joke about her suddenly acting like a soccer mom (though her character writing in that episode is a bit weird... i think it’s the Written By Men of it all).

but despite this, leela has a bit of a complicated relationship with the idea of motherhood. there are two episodes where she’s been convinced to conceive a child under the guise of repopulating her species. i obviously don’t count these instances towards her wanting to be a mother because A) it was out of obligation and she never suggests otherwise and B) she didn’t properly consent to either situation.

her excitement to start a family with adlai gives a bit more credence to the idea she would genuinely want kids. in fact, she even gets the idea to adopt because of her own experience as an orphan.

however, this is complicated by how superficial her relationship with adlai was. was she genuinely excited to be a mother at this point? or was she just happy that her very normal childhood crush wants to start a nuclear family with her? is it about her actual feelings, or is she just doing what she thinks she’s “supposed” to do?

there’s also the fact she has no emotional connection (so far) to her biological offspring with kif, consistently calling them “her DNA” rather than “her kids.” this is because culturally, they’re amy’s kids, and i like that she (and the narrative) respects that they came from kif and amy’s love. it’s almost guaranteed that the tadpoles will return and i think it would be very interesting to address leela’s relationship (or lack thereof) with them. after all, part of her connection to motherhood in several of these situations is that it’s what’s expected from a committed, loving, normal relationship -- if she has a loving husband and good kids, it means she proved that she’s a lovable, capable woman after all. her accident with kif doesn’t mean any of that.

despite these nuances, it’s clear leela is an extremely caring, dare i say maternal (no matter what her sims 3 counterpart says) person. it’s a core trait that she will do anything to take care of what she perceives as a helpless animal, probably because she spent decades without anybody to take care of her. she coddles nibbler like he’s her own baby boy, and the way he refers to himself as the “object of [her] misplaced affections” is primarily about her lack of a boyfriend, it also kind of leans into him as her substitute baby, especially since she seemingly has this hover pram thing already set up:

she was good at babysitting the de-aged coworkers in "teenage mutant leela's hurdles." she also obviously connects very strongly to the kids at the orphanarium and wants to be a good role model to them. she connects with the young jrrr and even outright says she hopes he always sees her as his mama (before he drops the detail that his species eats their mothers).

in “the bots and the bees,” she’s the only one who isn’t fully repulsed when bev gives birth, jumps up to help her out, and is generally the most interested in bender’s journey through fatherhood. while this is because she’s a naturally helpful person with a lot of personal hangups about parenthood, i just think it’s worth noting here.

she also gushed over the nannybot back in the fox era!

even in “meanwhile,” despite a later joke that i’ll discuss later, her response to the unexplained glimmer is “if it keeps bugging us, we'll either kill it or adopt it.” literally right after their wedding, i love it so much.

i also have to bring up the futurama comics because, while they are only debatably canon, there are multiple instances that pretty much confirm that leela wants kids. issue #26 (my favorite comic hands-down) sets up leela being forlorn about the fact she isn’t close to falling in love and having a family, playing on the “biological clock” trope.

however, after the harrowing ordeal of raising her own infant and teenage selves (god i love this comic!), she stops obsessing over her biological deadline and just lives in the moment, appreciating herself. i love that!

even more explicit is issue #62. this comic sets up that leela wants to be a mom despite the rest of the crew not thinking she’s sensitive enough to be one. (personally i think it’s kind of shoehorned dialogue and that fry is OOC to talk to leela like this at this point in their relationship, but it is very, very comics-canon that leela wants kids.)

the plot of the comic is basically she gets amnesia, zapp claims her and convinces her that she’s his wife and they have three teenage robot kids. it’s a bit of a weird plot and it’s a weak zapp characterization imo, but it does establish that leela works well taking care of the kids and they get very attached to each other to the point she wants to have a biological baby of her own.

she’s not in a fully lucid position though and she could very well just be leaning into the tradwife role because she doesn’t know anything else until later. however, when she does get her memory back, she obviously rejects zapp violently, but she is genuinely endeared to the robot kids to the point of crying. so this probably goes beyond just leela wanting to prove she can do something she was told she can’t do.

(granted the comic does have this as the punchline but it’s pretty clear that as caring as leela is, she’s got a lot on her plate which would get in the way of her being a mother in her actual working life)

there’s also an extremely cute comic where everybody becomes a scout leader and leela leads a bunch of mutant scouts and it gets me feelsy. it’s literally the issue right before the mommy leela one. something on the writers’ minds i guess.

so does this mean leela should be a mom? honestly, i would like to see her accept that she doesn’t have to be a mom to have worth in her life, but she still wants to be, once she feels ready to do so. a lot of leela’s arc is learning that she doesn’t have to fit someone else’s idea of a perfect woman, or a perfect family, or a perfect love life, just to stop being lonely -- she needs to lean into what makes her feel confident and happy. if she feels fulfilled taking care of a child, then she should go ahead and do it. not out of obligation towards the universe or towards the “good, respectable woman” mold -- just cuz it would make her happy. (this is why, if her role as “the other” really is referring to her needing to be a mom to fry’s child for some sort of Chosen One prophecy, i really hope they don’t play that straight, because i very much want leela’s autonomy to be a focus of any arc dealing with her being a mother and i do not want her to be forced into it after multiple other episodes where she almost gets tricked into conceiving a child.)

i can see her struggling with perfectionism about it, though. we see in issue #26 that she struggles to calm her baby self and communicate with her teenage self and i think not knowing exactly what to do would put a lot of stress on her because she’s so used to being the one who has everything together. i think she might have to reel herself in from lashing out and then feel guilty about not being an “ideal” loving mother.

“teenage mutant leela’s hurdles” shows her deliberately trying to live out what she thinks a “normal” teenage youth entails because she never got that as an actual child, and i wonder if she would project these same ideal expectations onto her own child, particularly if she had a daughter. (i do think fry is good at helping her outgrow this desire to fit a particular mold, though, as are her parents.) she’s also really obsessed with being a good role model (”a leela of her own,” “yo leela leela”) and i can see her worrying that any fault of her child is a reflection of her “failures” as a parent.

it’s interesting to think that leela probably never expected to have biological kids due to being the last of her kind (though i do headcanon she once had a pregnancy scare with sean). but i also headcanon that mutants don’t have a lot of kids, as we don’t see many, if any kids in the sewers (barring an issue or two in the comics where mutant kids show up). it would make sense because A) a lot of mutants don’t want to bring kids into their life situation, B) they can mutate enough to live for very long times so reproducing isn’t as needed, and C) i don’t think a lot of them want to or even can have sex with each other, ha ha. i can see there being a lot of pressure from her parents, because they probably also want to live vicariously and actually be able to raise a baby like they always wanted to, especially on the surface. 0′)

i don’t think her being a “strong independent woman” is at odds with this arc, either, as long as it’s not treated as an obligation. bojack horseman has a great example in princess carolyn of a character who still wants to have a family despite being a career woman who is incredibly attached to her work, and she doesn’t have to give either of it up if she has people to support her. i think it helps that we have amy to contrast, as she didn’t want kids (despite ending up with them, though i suspect kif will be the one taking care of them).

(also, female writers. that goes a long way in making an arc like this not come across as a derailment.)

fry

there is much more to say about leela than fry because they haven’t done as much with this subject when it comes to him. sure, he has a son, technically, but y’know... it’s his dad, and he never sees that as anything but a weird sexual encounter he had in the past.

but i do think fry would want kids with leela, especially if that’s what she wants. there’s a one-off line that implies he’s not opposed to this in “the cyber house rules,” though this is before he (knowingly) sees leela as anything more than an attractive coworker and doesn’t care much about long-term goals yet. it’s really more a joke about fry just being extremely persuasive (especially given how he gets roped into bender’s mass adoption scheme).

but the actual biggest thing that makes me wanna see fry as a dad: he is so, so, so attached to taking care of things, usually in the context of animals in need. he saved seymour from starvation, brought the orphaned leelu out of depression, and protected mr peppy at the risk of his own life. creatures are naturally drawn to him for some reason, probably because he’s got such a big heart and lacks the reservations most people have. he connects to animals at their level and doesn’t have the confidence to act superior most of the time. i think this can easily be applied to kids as well.

“fry am the egg man” is probably the most glaring example of this, because he immediately latches onto the egg when he learns the egg has a chance of hatching. (which kind of raises some “pro-life” questions that aren’t necessarily contradictory to fry’s political upbringing, but i think He Could Outgrow That in the right situation, ideally.)

his initial plan is to eat it but he does genuinely get so attached and protective and it’s sweet to me. he does drop it at the end and quickly detach but i think this at least shows that he has a real sense of love even if his sense of responsibility and focus can slip sometimes. (this is where i remind the audience that leela lays eggs according to “leela and the genestalk” so fry being good at raising eggs could be very useful there)

fry grew up with a very inconsistently-affectionate, often emotionally neglectful family. like leela, he doesn’t have a really clear reference point of what a good family unit entails, but he isn’t self-aware enough to seek it out. he can be reckless and indulgent, and that often puts whatever he’s caring for at risk, but he is loving. we know from his behavior towards leela (and bender, and even a few of his other girlfriends) that he will put his life on the line for what he loves. and i think if he had a baby with leela, it would mean so much more to him, because he loves leela so much i don’t think he would want any child of hers to be in danger. he just needs to be able to recognize what danger is.

one of the comics i didn’t bring up yet is issue #32, which introduces us to the closest thing we have to a canon freela baby: leelan von fry-bot, a hybrid clone mixed with fry and leela’s DNA (so not the result of nookie😔) that also takes over a bender copy’s body and overthrows humans for oppressing him like a boss. anyway my point is that fry’s initial reaction to having a kid isn’t more than “oh cool this means leela and i have sex” (and thus getting slapped bc their dynamic is still kind of like that by this point in the comics), but when leelan gets apprehended, he straight-up forgives the little genocidal maniac.

i don’t think fry really thought of himself with kids before leela. pre-canon, i don’t think he expected to settle down or have any committed relationship that didn’t exist for the purpose of mooching and surviving. i do think, if he did have a child, fry always saw himself with a son (again, not counting yancy sr). there’s a joke in “the route of all evil” that is analogous to him wanting a son (”i hope it's a lager, so I can take it to a ball game”), and in FATEM, he specifically wants the egg “to blossom into a beautiful young man, like [he] did as a baby.” it’s just easier for him to project that way and i think the culture of his house (i.e. the persistence of the yancy fry name) would put a lot of expectations on the boys to have sons. i think not having a son would surprise him but he’d still get so excited. he’d probably expect his daughter to be an action hero as much as leela does (though i think his expectations are way lower).

we also see in later episodes that while he represses it, fry really does miss having family and gets very quickly attached to the family he does have ("near death wish," "game of tones") so i think having a kid, especially biological offspring, would shake him to his core in a way he didn't expect could ever happen. it helps solidify to him that leela truly is his family now.

there’s also a gag early in the comics when they need to get more humans on earth and it’s implied fry asks leela to repopulate the planet but otherwise idrk if there’s much specifically with him and kids.

there’s the other joke in “meanwhile” where he implies it’s good they didn’t have children because they might get violent with them (and admittedly they have gotten a bit aggressive with kids in the past, i.e. leela trying to hit cubert), but personally i don’t think fry would do that, even if it’s been implied domestic abuse was uncomfortably normalized for him. leela might be tempted but i think she can reel herself in. and the reason i think they didn’t have kids in the meanwhile timeline is just because it would be too risky to bring a child into a universe where nobody else is sentient and able to help them out, especially after fry and leela die.

so my conclusion is that fry might not be knowledgeable on the traditions and necessities of healthy parenting right away, but i think he would try to learn. he clearly tries to learn for the people he loves, even when it’s hard, and making leela happy is his top priority. he doesn’t want her to get stuck with all the hardship (even if she’s still gonna be better at organization and the like). and i think he has such an earnest, unfiltered sense of love that he can connect to his own children immediately. and i think they’d sense that.

here’s a fry kid dogpile for extra cuteness

the narrative potential

fry and leela having kids has been thrown around the writers’ room a lot, according to commentaries. now most of this information i’ve gotten secondhand as i haven’t listened to most commentaries or read older interviews as much. there is an interview/commentary (i forget specifically which) where the writers joke that fry and leela would not be good parents because they’d either be dragging their kids with them on dangerous space missions all the time or leaving them home for long periods of time. (edit: there's also this 2010 bit where DXC says he doesn't want them to "[have] a baby and [move] to the suburbs" or anything for the show's sake lol)

this is an extremely understandable reason not to give fry and leela kids. it’s already bad enough when you overthink where cubert and dwight are during farnsworth and hermes’ various adventures, and fry and leela both work so this is an obstacle. there are ways around this practically -- get leela’s parents or even nibbler to babysit, or get a hologram or something as a proxy, or even have fry stay home at times. but it changes up the dynamic of the show in ways that might be hard to adapt to, especially if they’re already doing something similar with amy and kif. plus, they probably don’t wanna make fry and leela too domestic -- i know they worried about that back in season 6 which led to all the on-and-off stuff, but i think now their concern is just staying sci-fi and not simpsonsy.

but they’ve also, reportedly, teased the idea before, and i think the changing landscape of adult animation (a bit more room for serialization and more serious story elements, which futurama always dabbled in even before other shoes did). rumor has it that the original plot of “law and oracle” involved fry and leela’s son coming back from the future (and i think talking backwards or something???), but it was scrapped for i believe being too dark. i think a time traveling child is a great way to avoid the status quo shift of raising a child, even though it would be pretty big and tragic for fry and leela to meet their child and then watch them go knowing they won’t exist for several years. it’d be funny to see their child try and ensure their conception, or maybe even prevent it in some sort of twist on the trope. (this is one of my theories for “the temp.”)

we’ve seen hints of them as parents in “the route of all evil” where they both get hype about bender’s analogous pregnancy with beer, though they’re also excited to... have beer, lol. also some of my friends read a lot into the way they look at tonya in “stench and stenchability” and i do not blame them for that.

this concern about the status quo is also where adoption can come up again, as i can totally see fry and leela adding some wayward teenager to their family, someone just self-sufficient enough to not be too much of a detriment to the crew. i know the orphanarium kids are all adopted (though they could easily go back on that) but ideally i’d like them to adopt a mutant kid; i think it would mean a lot to leela for obvious reasons. maybe an alien or a robot, even. it doesn’t need to be formal adoption -- i can see them just picking up some lost little outcast guy because they feel bad he has nobody to raise him. maybe not for the rest of the series but even for an episode it’d be funny.

however, i think the idea of them having biological kids is utterly fascinating. is there precedent for a mutant breeding with a normal human? if leela “occasionally lays an egg,” what other weird stuff happens with her reproduction system? having an egg to carry could be another way to make the baby plot easier without incapacitating leela and fry too much after all. (and like i said before it’d be so cute to imagine fry carrying around an egg all protectively... like the dad in harvey beaks.) i think more people should take advantage of leela’s mutant genetics and give their offspring a bit more of her latent mutant traits, or traits from her parents’ side. more tentacles and tails and sheddable skin! hell, give them three eyes like leela’s grandma!

(but i think leela actually being pregnant would be interesting too. you know she’d be even more emotionally fucked up than usual on hormones, and would get so stubborn about not being incapacitated and not needing help even though fry keeps wanting to dote on her. also i wonder if mutant pregnancy would be different at all? radioactive morning sickness? fun! it would make some aspects of the show harder to work around though, like i do not know if she could fit behind the wheel while pregnant without making weird adjustments, and i also worry about the infamy behind the whole MWC pregnancy arc, but i don’t think that same uncomfortable and traumatic risk translates to animation.)

and what about fry’s genetics? does his child inherit the lack of delta brainwave? this comes up a lot in freela baby talk, especially with the “chosen one” theory, that fry’s brain thing and leela’s mutant thing might combine in some world-saving combination. again, i’d rather this be deconstructed, because nibbler trying to coax fry and leela to have babies for the sake of the universe is amusing but also pretty fucked-up, and we know fry doesn’t like being used and leela has already had this kind of deceptive thing happen to her before. i want them to do this because they want to, not out of some debt to the universe. that’s way too much pressure on them and their kid.

even putting that aside, i can see both fry and leela having insecurities about having a child, especially biologically. leela of course has her mutant/cyclops trauma and aforementioned perfectionism, but i think fry would be worried too about “ruining” their child with his own mental issues. i can see a sitcom type of story where they try to conceive (maybe with some weird sci-fi assistive technology) but start panicking when it doesn’t work and blaming themselves. one of my theories for “parasites regained” is that fry only takes the worms again when he’s trying to get leela pregnant, because he knows leela loves him for him by now, but he still wants to make sure their child is as perfect and healthy as can be. (i could even see a twist with leela also taking the parasites due to having these same issues.) honestly them getting pregnant on accident (and you know fry’s pullout game weak) would also throw them for a loop.

there’s also the complicated drama and fun of bender getting jealous of fry putting his attention towards not just his wife, but some smelly brat he put inside her. bender sometimes has the vibes of being fry and leela’s bratty teenage son so i love him interacting with their kid like a bitter older brother.

even if they don’t give fry and leela a kid, i could see them bait-and-switching the audience cuz they know it’s such a big deal to some people. like leela seems to have pregnancy symptoms but it’s really just some weird facehugger possession or womb horror. or they catch a glimpse of their future and think they see themselves with a kid but it’s out of context. or they knock fry up instead cuz they love making the guys pregnant instead. i have this joke idea for when the kif babies come back that leela seems to get baby fever really bad, but it’s a literal fever she contracted from the amphibiosian swamp and it’s only cured by the insanity of babysitting the kif babies.

honestly if they decide they’re not ready to have kids, if they’re not emotionally stable enough or they don’t have a good place to live or if they’re worried about bender or their careers, i’m fine with that. i’d actually love them communicating and deciding on that together! i think it’s just an interesting subject to explore and i really hope the revival does something with it. :)

#freela #futurama #philip j fry #turanga leela #leela #fry #freela baby fever #hulurama predictions #analysis #if u think they shouldnt have kids or wouldnt be good parents thats fine #and this post isnt for u #im just making my case on why this subject interests me #i even conceded that them deciding not to have kids is also interesting!

38 notes · View notes

anatheyma · 15 days

Note

Indeed, is not a easy instrument to learn. When I left home and I got my first job I saved enough money to buy a violin and learnt to play it from scratch, without any help. I learnt to play the cello briefly after that, when I was around seventeen. I've tried to learn piano but as same with languages, I am often too busy at work to do it properly.

I am a big fan of describing people I enjoy being with. I could talk about how I perceive you for hours without any problem and even in deeper detail than how I did before. Cute puppy boy.

You do have pretty eyes and curls, though, so they're right about that. I practically raised most of my youngers neighbors and one of my first jobs was being a babysitter, so little kids love me in a really curious way. And because, well, I can carry them around on my back or let them sit on my shoulders and they enjoy it just because I'm tall, hah. Also, maybe I give dad vibes? Not sure.

Do you ever miss your family? I'm deeply sorry if it's a personal question, you don't have to answer it if you don't feel like it. I think of my mom sometimes when I do stuff that she used to do.

–🦴

impressive! once again. too bad you're too busy to learn piano, it sucks when responsibilities get in the way of our interests!

i think it's interesting to hear what other people have to say about me, so i don't mind at all. it's very flattering. i'm a good listener and i love it when people talk to me about anything in deeper detail tbh! especially things they're passionate about. i tend to remember small details about other people. as long as there's nothing on my mind to distract me so i'm able to fully focus.

and thank you! i'm not sure i've shown too much of myself on here... but still, thanks! that's also very cute! love some good dad vibes. and the kids love it too apparently!

i do miss my family often. but i know it's better this way! i especially miss my dog and my dad. my dad's like my best friend. i also miss my little brother. he's an adult now too and lives on his own, we kind of grew apart. used to be really close. oh well. my mom on the other hand... let's just say it's complicated. she was my abuser and we were regular clients of the child protective services who ended up not doing Shit about the situation, mostly because my mom's a great manipulator. but i got out of that house and that's all that matters! better late than never.

#bone anon

5 notes · View notes

acearohippo · 2 years

Text

You ever just sit down and think: Wow, Li Ling became a full blown Esper at the age of 8?

And had access to fire and weapons...

At the age of 8?

And was probably among the first (maybe the 8th Esper) to transform at the beginning of this whole thing, thus witnessing humanity's most traumatic event (and going through the transformation alone)

At the age of 8.

Do y'all understand how terrifying he must've been?? And yes, I mean terrifying not him "terrified". He was EIGHT. Too young to fully process what's going on but young enough to be sucked into the fantasy-come-reality of gaining super powers??

Guys, guys, no you have to understand how much of a calamity that combination is. Too young to truly comprehend death, still at the selfish ego age where he cannot sympathise with others due to being mentally incapable of perceiving outside of his own bubble, no patience and mostly only capable of comprehending short term satisfaction, very VERY simplistic ego-centric black/white world view, not to mention no impuls control, not fully coordinated, and still oh so new to many things, so prone to "over dramatising" small events because they feel big to the new and young human... I could go on. And all of that was given superhuman abilities.

How many lives have been hurt or lost because of this child, incapable of recognising his newfound strength as a danger to others (because it's super cool to him and that's all that matters).

Like, if you watch/read HunterxHunter, think Gon. Easily pleased by anything he deems interesting, regardless of how morally ethical it is, unflinching to the deaths he's caused because death is just an abstract concept he doesn't yet understand, and very selfish of things he considers his (friends, family, etc)

And he was spoiled on top of it by being the baby of the family.

Every time he tantrums, which he would, would probably cause thousands if not millions of dollars (in their equivalent) in damage. School fights would turn into prolonged hospitalisations and, at worse, many funerals. And Li Ling just wouldn't get it, being so young. People were either weak or strong, death or disablement aren't factored in.

Of course the Union had to rapidly set up an Esper Academy, they were bearing witness to a miniature calamity cleave mountains and other damages and destruction with no way of disciplining him.

Are y'all getting what I'm saying? I'm probably all over the place but I'm trying to highlight the downright horrifying nature of the implications. I know it was supposed to be a "omigosh, wow he's so cool!" Moment, but I work with 5-10 year olds for a living, usually those with behavioural issues due to severe traumas. Give these kids a pen and they will attack you and/or themselves out of a desperation to escape/fight back against what they don't understand. I don't care that this is fiction and, in fiction, we like to give young kids worlds of responsibility and an adult's logic to go with it, but nah, not in my house.

Especially since, if I weren't tired, I would point out accommodations and services he's receiving that would imply that he is diagnosed with trauma and emotional disturbance.

#gets screwed over by adults and punished but it's ok cause he learns to forgive them for abusing him #the hippo speaks #dislyte #li ling #li ling dislyte #i am also a tad emotional #cause Nezha's story is basically #moral of the story: respect your elders or be locked away and beat 😌🙏🏽#he's a CHILD #i wanna hold him too 😭😭😭

122 notes · View notes

loquaciousquark · 7 months

Text

Okay, if I want to have any kind of a good time in this playthrough, I have got to figure out the differences between these two characters in my head. A bunch of character rambling under the cut.

Tavish: rogue, survivalist, starts the game off very self-centered not necessarily out of a desire to have more than others, but because she knows if she doesn't take care of herself first, absolutely no one else will. Grew up in Baldur's Gate in a loving family with a younger brother who all died (I think of plague) when she was about ten or eleven. After that she was sent to live with her mother's sister, who absolutely hated having a kid kicking around her place, and spent most of her time drunk as a skunk and scamming the tourists & hoity-toity in the city.

Aunt used Tavish pretty regularly as a participant/face/distraction in these scams & that's where she picked up her light fingers. Aunt was violent in her drunken rages, & when Tavish was about fourteen she killed her aunt in self-defense. Hid the body and lived alone in the tiny (slum, probably) housing for as long as she could, hiding the fact that she was alone, until taxes came due and the whole story came out. At that point she took off on her own rather than go to some city-funded orphanage and spent the next several years living on the streets and trying not to step on the toes of the Thieves' Guild. Definitely got her bell rung a few times for picking the wrong target and wasn't quite good enough on her own to get into the Guild on her own merit. Once tadpoled, has lots of imposter syndrome and has no idea why anyone's asking her to lead this group (obviously should be Lae'zel). Just does what she needs to for herself and lets the rest of them follow along with some bemusement.

However, discovers as soon as she has an ounce of real power/ability that she can't bring herself to be as selfish as she was, that she has a genuine interest in helping others she perceives as weaker and in need of defense. A lot of pity, a lot of "let me extend my hand back into the muck I just crawled out of." Still talking a big talk, still saying all the hard selfish self-centered out-for-myself things, but when push comes to shove does the right thing and doesn't really care if she's thanked for it. Good at the "big-picture kindness," lousy at the one-on-one right thing when she's got her hand in someone's pockets.

It's why the tiefling abduction in Act 2 hits her so hard--saving them in Act 1 was the first real big gesture of altruism she ever managed in her life, and it felt like suddenly it didn't matter at all. However, Karlach especially gives her a lot of guidance on what it means to be kind despite the pain, and it's something she actively works on and becomes a lot better at it through Acts 2 & 3. By the end of the game, a perfectly reasonably mostly well-adjusted person who has a good time and mostly does the right thing.

Relationship with Astarion: built on recognition of mutual artifice. She knows he's using her from the start, and he knows she's letting him do it--he's fully aware she just wants the distraction and she knows he's ingratiating himself & they're both fine making that sort of trade. There's definitely a tangible attraction that starts the first night he feeds; she's surprised at how into she is and likes knowing she was his first humanoid bite even though she straight-up dies, lmao. I think they both enjoy their mocking flirtations because obviously they don't need them, they're already getting what they want anyway: a good time, mind off bigger matters, assurance of mutual protection in a fight. Only much later do they realize they've caught feelings. His comes somewhere around the arrival at Last Light Inn when she's very upset about the tieflings, and he takes her out in the woods and uses sex to help her forget her troubles for a bit, and her genuine gratitude afterwards is what kind of flips that switch in him from casual FWB to something he actually cares about preserving.

For her, she starts really caring for him about the same time, but it's not until he says something in early 3 about wanting to protect her and keep her safe that she gets hooked for good bc she's never really had anything like that since her parents died. Struggles to recognize her worth in the group outside of her utility; probably struggled with having overlapping skills with Astarion and really tried to make herself charismatic and winning in conversations to distinguish herself from him. Ride or die by the Cazador fight and has no idea what to do with this certainty that they're not going to give up on each other anytime soon, but genuinely eager to have some kind of future to look forward to for the first time since her parents died.

Overall, symmetry in the initial fwb -> genuine care pipeline, affection expressed as needling sarcasm and insults, feral defense when one is injured or in serious danger. Parallels in one spending centuries trying to climb out of the shadows and the other trying to hide herself deeper and deeper in them.

Tavaea: I'm still very early in Act 1 (just ran through the owlbear cave and met the tieflings), but I think where I'm landing is that she's playacting good out of a desperate attempt to counteract the dark urges. Ferociously needs to be in control and has an unspoken expectation (which she doesn't know the source of) that everyone will fall in line behind her. Of course she's the leader--why wouldn't she be? Of course Lae'zel should stand down with Zorru--how dare she speak up in the first place? Genuinely doesn't understand that not everyone sees it this way yet & really is clashing with Lae'zel a bit here.

Not really interested in the altruism of the deed--more interested in that it feels like the natural counterbalance to her desire to slaughter. If she's good enough with her actions, she'll balance out her ledger, right? Basically reactionary goodness. Even though she doesn't necessarily believe in what she's doing, has an unquestioned expectation for everyone else to obey her anyway and doesn't understand why they keep having opinions. Definitely is so wrapped up in her own problems she's not noticing any other party members' issues right now--I think the vampire reveal is going to be a genuine shocker.

Expected arc: starts doing right things for the right reasons, I think probably towards tail end of Act 2. I've read just enough to know to expect some NPC death(s) with this background, but I don't know when they occur, so I'll have to see how this shapes the narrative (and is probably the single biggest reason I can't bring this to be my canon Tav). I'd like to use this death as a catalytic event but that'll depend on the timing.

Expected relationship with Astarion: a surprise mutual understanding of compulsion and dependence and the desperate search for freedom and real autonomy. I'm not yet sure how the first night happens motivation-wise; I don't think she's capable of being attracted to anyone as she is right now. I think honestly she's going to be bemused by him more than anything--why is he flirting with her when there are so many more important things to be worried about & focused on?--and I'm hoping she'll be surprised enough to not run screaming for the hills. I do think she feels the easiest around him so far, just because she thinks he's least likely to be repulsed by the urges in her head, so that might help her acquiesce even if she doesn't find him sexy yet.

Interestingly, I haven't found her willing to share the presence of the dark urges to any party members yet (I have everyone recruited but Karlach), and very interestingly to me Astarion is one she actually CAN'T talk to about the urges! So far only Gale, Lae'zel, and Wyll have options for her to confess, and she hardly knows any of them yet. She doesn't trust any of them to not try to do anything risky and definitely doesn't trust herself not to retaliate, so I'm not sure when she's going to get herself over that hump.

Okay. I think that can get me enough to start with. Playacting good in a desperate attempt to get control of her life and balance out the evil she's walking around with in her head. We'll see if she ever gets to the heart of things as we progress!

#quark plays bg3 #bg3 spoilers #baldur's gate 3

19 notes · View notes

velvetineblue · 8 months

Text

COMMON MISCONCEPTIONS

tbh I don't really know how other people perceive him, so it's hard to say ! but i'll do my best . . . he's a very complicated character, and i think in times past, he sometimes wasn't seen that way at all. he was seen as more of a simple 'comic relief' or just a typical sort of... protag... guy....... idk. people ( ooc & ic perhaps ?? ) may not always take him seriously as a complex individual because of his tendencies to act playful and/or blasé -- which is understandable !! but recently i've gotten more chances to really show his depth of personality and write him in situations that i feel better showcase him, so !! i don't think he gets misconceived too often now. . . but i'd have to know how he's perceived to really be sure of that, and i don't rly know what's in other people's heads, so JSJAJ idk!!

AN IMPORTANT HEADCANON

one thing about Tai is that he needs a little competition and/or conflict in his life for to him to feel 'stable' and fulfilled. he kinda gets... aimless, bored, anxious, lethargic, and de-motivated when life is too easy, carefree, or relaxed. he always feels like he has to be useful to matter to other people; he fears deep down that if he's not being of use, they will forget about or leave him and he's most useful when solving or working on a problem. this is likely the result of constant chaos in his life and struggling for most of his life, and something he should work on healing from so he doesn't have to live that way, yes . . . but it is what it is and it's not changing anytime soon asjjaj

i suppose he's 'lucky' because in most of his verses, those things are just a given; even when his life is otherwise going well, there is always going to be some element of conflict, fights and resolutions, to be had, and so he rarely if ever has to face this issue ??? but it's an interesting facet of his personality...

A USELESS HEADCANON

he's not officially a vegetarian, but he doesn't eat a lot of meat. he really likes the flavor of most meats: he just doesn't ( ideologically ) love eating animals, and felt that way since childhood. that realization kids eventually have of 'wait... I'M EATING A DEAD BABY COW???' was something he never really got over . . . . . . plus it's better for the environment & stuff not to eat too much meat, and even in verses like crime verse where he's a bastard who sets things on fire -- ironically, he'll still be like 'HEY! BUT DON'T LITTER!' LOL. but he's still gonna eat it sometimes, 'cause he isn't bothered ENOUGH to completely give up the tasty flavors. asjjaj so he will eat meat sometimes -- especially if he's out, like at a restaurant. but it's a relatively uncommon meal for him, especially if he's just cooking for himself at home. . . . he LOVES fish, though. i mean, he still feels a little bad about eating it, but sashimi and chirashi are his alltime favorite entrées, and fish in general is one of his most favoritest meals. so he can't give up fish; he just can't do it asjjaj.

POTENTIAL TRIGGERS

su/c*de can, potentially, be a triggering topic for him: depending on the manner in which it's brought up & discussed. his mother took her own life, and this tragedy had a very, very profound effect on him. so much of who he is and what he believes in relates back to trauma related to his family, this being a huge one of those traumas. (he also had a close friend die in the same manner.) it's not a topic that can't be breached, but there are certain things that will trigger distress, anger, or another uncharacteristically strong wave emotion from him: for example, a lack of empathy towards s- victims, or making jokes at their expense. he also really doesn't like talking about his mom's death, not with anyone-- and if pushed to 'open up', he will become very disturbed that the topic isn't being dropped. so far in his life, the only person he's really talked about it with is his father . . . and even then, the conversation is strained and difficult. the only other person i can imagine he would have spoken with it about is Ara, in the crime verse, because they are so close, and her own difficult upbringing & struggles with her mothers mental health would have enabled him to open up to her... and her alone. otherwise, his mother's death is a door that stays very firmly locked and shut off from people. it takes a really extraordinary amount of trust and comfort with another person for him to open it.

SOMETHING YOU ENJOY ABOUT (WRITING) THEM

everything tbh, if you haven't noticed he i s my little meow meow. my blorbo. my silly rabbit-- no but asjajja i haVE SO MUCH FUN writing him because he's such a complex characters, and there is a motivation behind everything he does: i write him with a LOT of intention. nothing i type for taiyang is without reason or explanation. you can ask the most basic question like 'what is his favorite color' and i can write a novella about it. i can write a novella about anything and everything when it comes to tai which is kind of... nice i guess asjaj although it can be tiring!! but knowing him inside and out makes writing him super easy. and that just comes from the fact he's one of my oldest OC's, so there's pretty much no stone unturned when it comes to him... i've been roating this blorbo in my mind so long, i've thought about nearly everything before!! other muses of mine, i tend to have to do deep digging & thinking to figure them out sometimes. which isn't bad at all!! ... it just takes more work LOL. but tai is so easy now!!

SOMETHING YOU WANT OTHERS TO KNOW BEFORE WRITING WITH THEM

this goes for all my muses but it's so important that i HAVE to repeat it often: my muse is not me!! his opinons are not mine!! his actions are not mine!! his opinions of your character aren't mine!! he is a CHARACTER with his own self-sustained motivations, likes, and dislikes. of course, it all comes from my brain, but in the same way that i can relay what someone else said, but that doesn't mean i'm describing myself or co-signing it: i'm just repeating their words. in fact, there are times where i strongly disagree with what he says or does. because of the fact that he can at times be confrontational, or blunt, and he expresses his 'own' opinions, i cannot rp with anyone who isn't completely understanding of that fact !!

tagged: @clemencetaught // tagging: @yaoogui @ellieenables @hvnbrn / @hatesdogs @pararennial

#suicide tw #meta.#i have work today...... yuck.#so i probably won't be around but ... lurking as usual~ hehe

7 notes · View notes