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itscherrylipsforme · 3 months

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The missing piece: Oliver Quick x fem!reader

Part 2 here

Summary: A few months after Saltburn becomes completely his, Oliver still feels like something is missing. Without being able to put a finger on it he decides to pay a visit to Oxford, where all started, trying to find the answer between his old memories. Fate believes that a pretty and sweet student he meets in a bookstore is the piece of the puzzle he needs right now. After all everyone wants to be showered with love, don’t they?

Warnings: Post Saltburn fic, a little bit dark (it’s Oliver, what you expected?), age gap (he is around 15-17 years older), slightly innocent kin? (nothing sexual)

Words: Around 1700

Author's rambles: Okay, I feel in love with him the movie and I am kind of embarrassed about it (It’s not my fault hat the actor has pretty eyes and a gorgeous accent, fine?) For your own good, don’t aspire to have a boyfriend as toxic as him in real life. Also this is my fic on Tumblr, please be nice

Masterlist Characters I write for

Likes and reblogs are appreciated ღ

I do not authorize any of my works to be copied, translated or plagiarized ✗

There is a psychological phenomenon that claims that after achieving something we have been longing for some time instead of the sense of satisfaction we were expecting we feel incomplete, hopeless and already looking forward to our next success. After having the Saltburn's keys just for himself, Oliver experienced that piercing emotion for the first time in his life. If he was painfully unaware of it or simply decided to ignore it remains as an open question until today. The only thing that was certain for him at that time is that he needed some action, a new goal, maybe some entertainment, and specially he needed answers. That’s why he decided to go back to the place it all started nearly sixteen years ago

Oxford hadn’t changed a lot since he graduated, as he had the chance to notice it. Different names, different faces, different decades… But still the same social scheme it was back them. Groups of rich daddy’s and mommy’s children swarming around the campus, pubs where you had to drink to be accepted, and poor little nobodies who had to adapt or die in the process

He rented a large flat not so far away from the university, and in the café just below it he rediscovered a hobby he had always had, but which have been almost forgotten on those last months on the mansion. Looking at the students, being able to read through their facades while accompanied by a cup of coffee, became his new pastime. But people always talk and after some weeks spending the afternoon in the café terrace just lost in his thoughts he realized the odd glances the staff shot towards him, so he decided to hide his true interest behind a less complex and unique one. The next day he went to the closest bookstore to buy any novel that would help him with his purpose, after all, people just ask fewer questions when you are reading on your own. That was when he found you sitting on a couch, legs crossed with a book between your small and soft hands

Pretty, beautiful, gorgeous even. Young, probably still studying at Oxford. On the shy aspect, lovely and smart as he guessed correctly. Sweet smile. Bright eyes. Oh, and some soft curves he was able to peep while he seemed to be looking at the shelves by your side. Wait, was that a blush, what he saw on your cheeks? Another scholarship student as he was back then. The fact that your clothes weren’t from big and expensive brands and that you spent your afternoons in the bookshop without really buying anything was the clue he needed to be sure about it. God, you were adorable, perfect, just what he needed right now and he decided to start working on it

Time had shown him that patience and a good plan could take you far away, this is the reason why, although he was eager to come to you and straight-forward mesmerize you with his tricks, he waited. He spent the next five weeks going to the library more or less daily hoping to see you, and luckily (since he was used to building his own luck) your schedules always matched. He always sat on an armchair to read next to yours, close but not enough to be suspicious. Just after he had made sure you have not so subtly looked at him a few times, he decided to make the move

“The Secret History” a deep silky voice said from behind your seat. His face slightly near to your face which made the words linger in the air for some honey-like seconds “You have a good taste”

“Thanks… Thank you” you manged to say in sweet and shy whisper

“First time you read it?” he asked and a shake of your head was the response he got

“No, I have already read it a couple of times in pdf. But I have never owned the physical book”

“We can have that keep happening, can’t we?” he grinned, and you couldn’t remember if he was the first man who had smiled and looked at you in that way “May I have a look at it?” his large and firm hands came to hold the cover as he stood up and went straight to the cashier “Follow me, darling” the nickname rolled in his tongue, sweet as candy, and before you thought about it, you did as he said. You were obedient, good thing, he thought to himself. He pulled the money out of his wallet in merely seconds, paid for it and hand it back to you

“Thanks, but I can’t accept it” you said slightly embarrassed

“Of course, you can! It truly is an amazing novel, you deserve it” he smirked. His words have had just the reaction he had expected from you, cheeks covered with a tiny hint of pink “I have always found myself relating to Henry Winter, I just need my Camila now”

You were taken back, was that an attempt to flirt? Because if it was, he had your attention. While you tried to make any sense out of your thought, he spoke again

“I am usually on a café nearby, if you are interested you could come sometime” Another smirk, and at that moment you knew that this man was going to be the death to you. Things like this only happened to the main characters in romance movies

“I don’t even know your name”

“ You can call me Oliver, darling”

“I am y/n”

“Beautiful, beautiful y/n, it was a pleasure to meet you. Hope we see each other again”

And you did. Between coffees, books, conversations and more, he had you wrapped around his finger by the time your classes ended. Oliver was sweet, devoted, intelligent… all you could ever ask for in a man. He was straight out of your dreams, and damn he felt you were straight out of his. Innocent, easy to make blush, could keep with his ramblings and most important, you were eager to love, and he was eager to be loved

Yesterday it had been your graduation, when you left the ceremony in that beautiful dress he had insisted on buying you and wrapped your arms around him, he felt like his plan has almost completely succeeded. Almost, you wanted a fairy tale romance, and he was going to give you one. Keeping things slowly and delicate. But when he woke up and felt you laying on his chest sleeping peacefully, he couldn’t help but want to make you his. That had been the only night you had spent in his apartment in your months together. He had sworn to himself that he wouldn't rush, so he didn't. At least he was glad you were coming with him to Saltburn for a few weeks in the summer and you could bet he wouldn’t let you leave the mansion again if he could. After all, you were all that he wanted. His missing piece

Part 2 here

#oliver quick x reader #oliver quick x y/n #saltburn 2023

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piscespetals · 6 months

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summary: in which sevika becomes your roommate. read part two here

content: this fic is 4-5 chapters long. i'm still trying to figure out if i should condense it to 4 or keep it at five. mostly gay pinning, fluff, angst and small slivers of smut (not very good at smut writing but i'm trying)

word count: 5k

thanks for reading!

Chapter One

It all started when your best friend told you she was moving out…

You both shared a flat, and for the last near decade or so, everything had relatively been good.

Until it wasn't.

“I know it's kind of bittersweet but,” Mel shrugs, looking down at the ice cream cone in her hand. Remnants of the vanilla treat gather above her top lip. You almost say something but she licks it away with one clean swipe of her tongue. “Alicia has been talking about this for almost a year. And I think it's time we take the next step.”

Alicia is Mel’s long-term girlfriend. Honestly, you should’ve seen it coming. It's a miracle that they haven't already moved in together considering how long they’ve been in each other’s lives. You should be happy for them. You really should. But a part of you keeps thinking about the upcoming renewal of the lease and the empty space that’ll fill up Mel’s side of the apartment once she leaves.

The two of you have been living together for a huge chunk of your adulthood. Honestly, the thought of returning home to Mel has been your norm for almost as long as you’ve been filing tax returns.

And now—she’s moving.

Leaving.

Just like that.

“Oh,” She croons. Her ice cream cone nearly falls as she scooches closer to you. “Don't cry.”

Your tears drip down your cheeks before trailing the slope of your jaw.

You aren’t surprised. This reaction is warranted. You aren't good at goodbyes.

Actually, no—this isn't quite a goodbye.

But it sure as hell feels just as painful.

There's not enough breathing exercises that’ll prepare you for the life transition that's doomed to happen. A chapter of your adulthood is closing right before your eyes. Mel will move out, marry Alicia, and have annoyingly cute babies. You’ll be the designated bestfriend–turned–aunt that will always feel stuck; left behind.

It will be horrible.

“Nothing will change,” Mel comforts. She tries to multitask the art of devouring her ice cream while slinging her free arm around you. Her bubbling optimism is nearly comedic compared to your wallowing spirits.

“Everything will change!” Your voice cracks, body jerking as your lungs cause you to inhale sharp uneven gasps. “You've replaced me with Alicia as your roommate. Is she asking for the best friend title too?”

“Oh god—babe,” Another lick of her ice cream. She's trying to contain her laughter. The nerve of her! “I’ll always be your best friend. You know that.” She squeezes your shoulder. “Everything will be okay. I promise.”

Your eyes burn more and another melodramatic wail leaves you.

The image of you–old and decrepit–in a nursing home comes to fruition. You're in the bed, smelly and miserable, while Alicia and Mel stand before you. They're old too, but far more beautiful. Far more accomplished. Less lonely. Still married. Still happy.

Oh, and their kids are probably there in the room too; asking Mel why “their Aunt hasn't been properly groomed?”

Mel is absolutely wrong.

Everything will certainly not be okay.

After a few days of sulking, you have a change of heart when Mel says, “I think I’ve found you a new roommate.”

Suddenly, the imminent doom of Mel moving out doesn’t seem so harrowing. Of course it still saddens you–she’s your best friend after all–but you’re no longer burdened with the stress of trying to find her replacement.

You and Mel butt heads about a ton of senseless things, but she never disappoints you on the most important matters.

So if she thinks that someone is suitable enough to be your roommate, then you have hope that she’s right.

“Who?” Your head snaps up as you look at her. She stands on the other side of the kitchen island, elbows leaning against the wooden countertop and chin resting in her palms. You were mopping the floor–a truly rare occurrence for you–when Mel came out of her room to announce the good news.

“You know how Alicia goes out with her teammates every now and then?”

Your memory travels to the brief conversations of Mel mentioning this in the past. Alicia used to be a college athlete during her undergrad. Apparently, she still has a budding relationship with a few of her old teammates, and likes to go to dinners with them to catch up every few months.

“Well,” Mel continues. “Her friend, Sevika, hasn’t been able to come to the dinners these last few years because she lived up north for a while. But she’s back in town. And I guess she doesn’t like the place she’s at. Apparently, it’s too close to the city. Too hectic. She’s been looking at places in our neighborhood. And when Alicia mentioned it to me, I just figured...”

You nod slowly in understanding, “Oh.”

“I mean, it’s kind of working out perfectly…rather coincidental but I just thought it would make you feel better if your next roommate wasn’t a complete stranger.”

“Do you know her well?”

“I’ve hung out with Sevika countless times before she moved away.” The brown irises of Mel’s eyes become distant; as if she’s drifting off to another time. “God, that feels like so long ago somehow... But I think you’d like her.” Her lips pull into a small smile. “She seems a bit remote at first but it’s all fun and games. I promise.”

“Okay,” You shake your head, trying to wrap your brain around it all. “And you’re sure that she’s–I mean, not that I don’t trust your word. I’m just nervous, I suppose. She isn’t like–”

“Sevika’s good people,” Mel laughs, gazing at you with understanding. “But I get it. So here’s what I was thinking… We can host a brunch and invite her over? That way you can meet her formally and get to know her. Maybe show her around the place? As much as I want this to pan out great, it’s still your decision to make at the end of the day.” She pauses a few beats, trying to gauge your reaction. “What do you think?”

Your hands fiddle with the top of the swiffer handle as you weigh your options. You had put together a more elaborate and time consuming plan prior to today; which would have consisted of flyers and roommate interviews and even Facebook posts. Of course, posting to Facebook would have been the last resort; an addition to the plan that you only added out of mere desperation. But it was a plan nonetheless.

Mel’s offer is more tempting.

“Okay,” You sigh, squeezing the handle of the swiffer. “But if this doesn’t work out, then you owe me ice cream.”

She beams, clapping her hands together excitedly.

“And not the cheap kind,” You add. “I’m talking Cold Stone.”

Mel doesn’t appear to be fazed. Instead, she turns on her heels, making her way back to her room. “I’m gonna call Alicia and let her know!” The exclamation has a song-like lilt to it; a clear indication of her delight.

You bite the inside of your cheek, fighting off a grin while you carry the swiffer to the trash can.

Your thumb absentmindedly plays with the stringy bracelet decorating your right wrist; a gift that Mel gave you over ten years ago when the two of you first became friends. It’s nearly falling apart now, but still a staple piece in your daily attire. You find yourself looming over the possible outcome of tonight’s gathering–for the ‘nth time–as your stomach stirs with unease.

It’s not like you haven’t been obsessively ruminating over this very evening. It’s all you’ve been able to think about ever since Mel helped you plan it last week. But despite all of the preparation, your mouth still remains dry.

You’re seated at the dining table, with Mel to your right and Alicia right across from her. Sevika faces you directly, which is a circumstance you tried to desperately avoid upon Mel’s suggestion.

“How do you guys like the food?” Mel asks. “I can proudly say that I’ve managed to keep the kitchen intact while I was preparing it.”

Alicia’s eyes twinkle when she glances at her girlfriend. “It’s good, honey. Thank you.”

A pair of alert grey irises flicker to you: Sevika’s.

The woman studies you with a gaze that is piercing and direct. She takes you in fully–something that she’s been doing all night–which makes you feel as if you’re under inspection. You can’t decide whether or not you like that about her.

“It was nice, Mel.” You reply. You wolfed down your food the minute your plate was served. So now you’re just awkwardly waiting for everyone else to finish their meal.

You usually don’t eat so quickly, but the task gave you something else to distract yourself with, rather than Sevika’s scrutiny.

But despite doing everything possible to avoid her stare, you can’t help but notice the calm and leisure way she eats her food. From what you’ve gathered, she doesn’t seem fond of mixing meals with conversation. But there’s still a pleasant way that she dines.

The oscillation of her jaw, especially with every chew, is a trait that you find particularly distracting…

“So, are you enjoying your return to town?” Mel inquires, turning to Sevika. She’s always had the talent of conversing with the least willing.

It takes a few seconds for Sevika to shift her gaze away from you.

You feel your muscles relax when she does.

“Yeah, it’s been good,” Sevika’s voice adopts an amiable timbre; a pattern you’ve picked up on every time she addresses Mel. “The traffic sucks on the east side, but that's nothing new.”

Mel hums in understanding. “Well, I think you’ll like it here.The people are quieter. Life is slower.”

That’s when Alicia takes that as her cue to wrap her arm around Sevika’s shoulder. They’re both nearly the same height, only Alicia is leaner.

“It’s good that you’re back home,” Alicia butts in. “You’re getting wrinkles. You’ve been frowning too much.”

Sevika rolls her eyes. “I’ve been perfectly fine.”

“Is that so? I heard…”

You’re ripped from their conversation when Mel wraps her fingers around your bicep. She leans into your ear, whispering, “Let’s go to the kitchen.”

You follow her without question.

It’s not until you’re grabbing the fruit salad out of the refrigerator when she says, “How are you liking her so far?”

You bite the inside of your cheek while carrying the dessert to the counter.

“I don’t know.” You try to sort through your feelings to find some sort of opinion–anything–that can help you identify your stance. But it’s to no avail. “She’s a bit intense, don’t you think?”

“Well,” Mel snickers. “I suppose.”

You glance up at her, noticing the way that she’s covering her smile with her hand. She flutters her eyelashes coyly, “But is that not a good thing? You’ve been staring at her all evening.” She continues, wiggling her eyebrow.

“Please don’t.”

“What? I’m just saying…”

“There’s nothing that needs to be said.”

“...the tension has been palpable ever since you laid eyes on her. You don’t have to make it into a bad thing, babe. You both are grown adults here.”

Your jaw is clenching when you mutter, “Well, you're off-base on this one.”

You think you hear her laugh again, but you don’t have the energy to entertain it. Instead, you turn around and march back to the dining room.

Your eyes are slightly droopy from the combination of wine and dinner that sloshes in your belly.

Under the haze of the ceiling lamps, you stand with your arms folded across your chest.

“This would be your room,” You’re mumbling. Sevika hums beside you, only a few feet away. She’s so far yet so close. Too close.

Yet not close enough.

You feel silly for thinking such thoughts.

It must be the wine.

The floorboards creak underneath her weight as she inspects the room. It has a fair amount of space in it. It’s larger than your room for sure. The connecting bathroom is smaller than yours though–a bargain that you and Mel made over a decade ago.

Sevika travels to a nearby wall, inspecting the paint job for a few seconds before peering at you.

Despite the warmth emanating from the heating system, a cool shiver runs through you.

Your voice dips with humor when you explain that, “Mel painted it a while back.”

You examine the way she pushes her tortoiseshell glasses up the bridge of her nose. A vein from her right forearm flexes due to the movement.

She smiles, poised and reposeful.

“Figures,” That’s when you notice the fullness of her lips—her prominent cupid's bow, and how well they look when spread into a grin like that.

She stretches her arms above her head, back arching as she seemingly holds back a yawn. You fight the urge to do the same, eyes trailing over her physique before you can stop yourself. Sevika looks strong–really strong. Her arms are thick bands of pure muscle and her broad shoulders barely concave from the movement.

She’s wearing a long-sleeved button up, which has a toffee silk-like material. You don’t realize how low her black slacks are sitting on her hips until the hem of her shirt rises. A happy trail peaks through, as well as deeply grooved muscles.

The sight feels sacrilegious and simultaneously pious. Your eyelids are heavy, droopy, when her muscles relax and her arms fall to her sides. You draw your attention back to her face. She’s caught you, eyebrows lifted and lips pursed to the side–an attempt to mask her amusement? You don’t know. Or at least, you don’t want to.

With the sudden pounding of your heart, you gesture behind you, “I can show you the laundry room?” Your desire to escape has never felt so prominent until then.

You're beginning to realize that she makes it hard for you to breathe when you’re around her.

Laughter rings in the air between everyone–Sevika, you, Alicia and Mel–while Alicia tells a funny story about a customer she had a few days prior. You’re wearing one of your nighttime sweaters now, a glass of wine in your hand, while all of you sit in the living room.

Sevika cards her hand through her hair. It’s no longer in its bun, meeting the sides of her face with buoyancy. The length is much longer than you initially thought, stopping a few inches below her neck; a feathery cut that frames her face quite perfectly.

She sits with her legs parted, left arm resting along the back of the couch. Her fingers lay a few inches from your right shoulder. With a mere flex of her hand, she’d be able to touch you.

Amidst the ring of Alicia’s voice–she’s going into detail about another story now–you turn to Sevika and ask, “Are you a heavy sleeper?”

You receive a better angle of her chiseled jaw when she tilts her head, expression contemplative while she thinks of an answer. You aren’t sure why it takes her so long since it’s not necessarily a loaded question to ask, but still—you allow her to think.

“Not really,” Her eyes dart back to you. “Is that a deal breaker?”

“I'm not sure,” You blink through a daze, overcome with an unexpected wave of tranquility due to her regard. “I listen to music sometimes in the middle of the night. It helps with my insomnia.”

“...Well, is it loud?”

“Not all the time. But you may hear it faintly.”

A nod. “Then that’s fine with me.”

You swivel the wine in your hand, “Besides going out for work, a lot of my hobbies consist of me being at home. You’ll probably see me a lot.”

“Not a problem.”

“I’m not incredibly messy or dirty but…” Your palms sweat from the loose confession. “I’m not a neat freak. And I don't like mornings. I'm really grumpy any hour before 11. Like—I will not speak if I can avoid it. And I’m a terrible cook.”

She looks away from you momentarily, lips rubbing together as her hand flexes. You grow rigid at the motion; she’s only inches away from coming in contact with your shoulder. Then her fingers relax. She looks back at you. Her lips part, “Are you trying to get rid of me?”

“Depends. Is it working?”

Her left eyebrow twitches. “You call the shots. If you don't think it’ll work, I can look into renting somewhere else.”

“I'm just trying to be transparent with you as much as possible.”

You don't want any surprises. The last thing you need is the false hope of thinking this will work just to ultimately have the infamous roommate disagreements that you've heard too much about.

You got lucky with Mel.

For 13 years, you’ve managed to have the best roommate dynamic. But now she's leaving soon. And you fear that those 13 years have just been a fluke.

If Sevika is truly serious about moving in, you need to make sure that it'll be a right fit.

“Do you have any kids?” You find yourself asking.

She lets out a gusty breath; a dry chuckle mixed with a hint of disbelief. For a second, you fear that you've offended her.

But then she's replying, “God no.” She grins with her head slightly shaking. You swear she leans a few inches closer as she adds, “Do you?”

You blink. You swallow. You try to not get distracted by the swirling grey of her irises. They're quite pretty. Too pretty. Unbelievably pretty.

“Definitely not.”

Her grin widens, “Okay, so we at least have that in common.” She allows her eyes to flicker to other features of your face; your eyebrows, then your cheeks, then your nose. “Are there any other incriminating questions that you have?”

“Of course.”

She laughs again and her eyes fall shut. There's a part of you that wants to draw closer to her at that moment. But you remain where you are; as if you’re resisting the tug of a rope.

“Okay,” She mutters, voice a gentle hum while her lips remain pulled into a grin.

“Does that annoy you?” You find yourself asking. It’s a silent test. You want to know if this will turn her away. Is she willing to answer your long list of questions? And if she is–will you find something about her that you don’t like?

“No, I don’t mind at all.” Her eyes flutter open slowly, blazing a stormy grey when they land on you. “Ask however many questions you need.”

Her hand flexes once more. This time you feel it. It’s the slightest graze, and too fleeting for it to feel real. The tip of her forefingers brush against the material of your shirt, at the very top of your bicep, before she’s running her hand through her hair. It could have been an accident–a mere sweep due to her close proximity–but you guess you’d never truly know.

Your breathing falters. She blinks at you with a placid expression, seemingly unfazed.

“Okay,” You clear your throat, shifting your weight restlessly. You try to put more distance between you two by subtly scooting a few inches to your left.

“...Going to get some more wine. Be right back!’ Mel calls.

The bubble around you and Sevika bursts.

You’re submerged into the sound of the TV playing an Old Navy commercial. Alicia stares at the screen with droopy eyes, feet propped up in the recliner chair and hands clasped together as they rest on her stomach. She hums lazily at Mel’s announcement. Faintly, you begin to hear Mel rummaging through the kitchen: the clanging of silverware, the rush of running water, then the thump! of a closing cupboard. The calming livelihood of Mel and Alicia’s existence buzzes around you. But you somehow find yourself turning back towards Sevika because, although you don't want to admit it, she’s a new enigma that’s hurdled into your life.

She beholds you with remarkable patience, elbow now resting against the back of the couch as she cradles her temple with her hand.

“So…” She says, voice laced with an expectation. She’s waiting on you.

“Right,” You nod. You shake your head in an attempt to clear the brain fog. Must be the alcohol... "Do you smoke?”

Sevika does smoke; she has a preference for cigars.

She’s a tattoo artist, which you never pinned her for. But after a few seconds of contemplation, it makes sense. She tells you that it’s been her career for a long time now.

She’s quite the morning person and a bit meticulous about her living environment. She likes to cook and happily divulges in burning incense. She doesn't have very many friends, but the ones she does have are practically her family—who, she assures with an unwavering gaze, are people that, “You will love.”

She doesn't watch much television, but she does have a knack for sports. “I like to have my friends over on game days,” She admits, sending you a sidelong glance. “Would that be something you're okay with?”

Not much time passes before you're nodding your head yes.

Sevika has no siblings and no parents. Her parents passed away a while back–a fact that you seemed more saddened by than her–and left her their house, which is why she moved out of town a few years ago.

When you ask her why she’s decided to return, she doesn't answer.

It’s your only question that makes her come to a full stop.

When the night ends and she’s getting ready to leave the apartment with Alicia quickly behind her, it’s the only question that's lingering in your mind.

And after Mel closes the door, bolts it shut and asks, “Any red flags from Sevika?”

It’s the sole reason why you find yourself hesitating, wanting—for some strange reason—to tell Mel yes. Even though every fiber of your being knows that the true answer is no.

Sevika’s vehicle is exactly the sort of car you’d picture her in. A sleek black Ram 1500 sits in front of you. Your eyes are wandering. You can't help it. You don't want to make it into a thing. It's only a truck after all…

But you've always admired cars, especially the big shiny ones.

“I would have showed you this days ago had I known you’d be so pleased,” Sevika muses. That's when you draw your attention back to her. "I didn't know you liked cars so much."

She's gazing at you with the smallest form of a smirk on her face. You want to wipe it off; you feel vulnerable somehow. Exposed.

Your blink wordlessly, breath shallowing and palms clamming up.

How is she so infuriatingly good looking?

Then, as if you've suddenly become aware of everything else about her, you're taking the rest of her body into account. Her bulging biceps are flexed due to the moving box in her arms. Small beads of sweat collect at the base of her neck…some sliding into the dips of her collarbones. Her hair is pulled into a low bun, highlighting the clenching of her jaw as she chews her gum; minty breath wafting towards you. Your stomach dips.

“Shut up,” You mutter.

Her grin widens. She laughs. You struggle to suppress one yourself.

She doesn't say anything else.

You stand awkwardly by her truck as she turns to walk into the apartment.

A part of you doesn't know what to make of this. Here you are, moving a woman that you've just met into your apartment, with no idea of how this will turn out.

You feel like you're floundering through life. Surely, everyone else your age is settled down with a family and a secure living environment—not stressing over the prospect of a new roommate. This situation feels too…juvenile. It would make sense for a younger version of yourself to be facing roommate insecurity. It would make sense for your younger self to grow uncharacteristically flustered and perturbed around someone like Sevika.

But not now. No—certainly not now.

The sound of Sevika’s footsteps pull you from your reverie. When you glance in her direction, the first thing you notice is the quirk of her eyebrows. You shift your weight, wringing your hands as you work up the courage to say, “I can help,” You clear your throat. “If you want.”

She’s in the middle of grabbing another box from her car but stops mid-reach from the sound of your offer. She cranes her neck, lines appearing in her forehead as she mutters, “I’m good.”

You take offense to that. Does she think you're weak? That you're not strong enough to carry a few stupid boxes? Or worse—has she already found a reason to dislike you?

Goosebumps trail up your back.

“I’m strong enough, you know.” You find yourself tilting your chin up defiantly.

“Is that so?”

“I may not be ripped like you,” You fold your arms across your chest and you hear a snort. A fucking snort! “But I don't do pilates for nothing."

That's when she stands upright, two stacked boxes now in her arms. She manages to rest them on her left hip, closing the back door in one swift motion.

"Yeah?" Then she’s tilting her head slightly, appraising you with an expression that nearly sets you on fire. "You think I'm strong?"

The world around you spins and you're nearly knocked off balance.

There's a part of your spirit that uncurls. Heat plants a seed in your gut then burns, burns, burns.

Perspiration has gathered at the base of your neck, and one bead of sweat drips down the slope of your spine. Then another. You're scowling at her, a reaction that she seems to enjoy, when you feel the drip of one more.

She takes your silence without question. Her irises trail down to your crossed arms then back up to your face before continuing. “You don't have to lift a single one of those pretty fingers for me.” Then you feel her warmth—her touch—at the tip of your chin. It's a small brush with her index finger, yet strong enough to tilt your head before she's pulling away. Then she's grabbing the boxes with both of her hands, snickering under her breath while adding, “But since you seem like the adamant type—be my guest, darling.”

Your legs tremble when she brushes past you.

For the rest of the evening, you allow her to settle into the apartment without your help.

“Sevika?” Your voice is scratchy from lack of use. “Can you help me?”

You're frustrated because you can't find your favorite mug. The entire kitchen is spotless—a sort of clean you haven't seen in ages. You're grateful for Sevika—truly, you are. But due to how organized it all is, you now have difficulty locating everything. The way she cleans and sorts through the apartment is completely different from your way.

Irritated, you call her name again. But no answer.

You know that she’s in her room because her door is closed. It’s only been a few days since she’s moved in but you’ve started to notice that she likes to leave it open when she's not in there.

You sigh, storming to her room. You have a taste for tea, something you've been craving all morning. And now that you've finally finished your work, you’d been so excited to drink it.

But now you're completely turned about by the state of the kitchen. Nothing is where you usually keep it.

“Sevika!” You practically bark, voice growing thin. “Are you awake?”

You're about to knock on her door—a disturbance that would surely wake her if she's in a deep slumber—but then it flies open. And there she stands, wearing a pair of boxers and a tank top. She appears to have just showered, hair seemingly damp and towel in her hand. That familiar woodsy scent of hers hits you like a tide wave, but this time it’s tenfold stronger than what it usually is.

“Is there a reason why you're shouting my name at 10 AM?”

You swallow thickly. Your mouth has suddenly become dry. “I can't find the mugs.”

Sevika blinks slowly then mutters, “What?”

“The mugs. They're a type of cup, cylindrical in size? Often used to drink things like coffee, tea, hot ch-”

“They're in the cupboard by the refrigerator.”

“...”

Your eyebrows furrow. “Why are they in there? I’ve never put them there before.”

“You could barely reach the cupboard they were originally in—”

“That's why I have a stepping stool!”

“So I figured it would be easier if they were moved to one that's more accessible for you. I told you about this Tuesday. Do you not remember?”

“...You never told me that.”

“Yes,” Her jaw grinds. “I did. You were talking to Mel on facetime and nearly ate shit when grabbing that awfully gaudy mug you like,” Oh. “So I told you that I would move it to the cupboard by the refrigerator,” Oh. “And you looked me right in the eye, smiled and said you thought that was a great idea.” Fuck. “...Do you not remember that?”

That’s right.

You did say that.

Your heartbeat skips from the piercing silence.

God, she's going to think you're crazy now.

Sevika sighs.

Shoving down a mountain of guilt, you shift your weight, “I’m sorry. I don't think I actually processed that conversation when it happened.”

She isn't quick to reply, and you're not sure where to go from there. So you add, “Um, would you like some tea?”

As a peace offering, you make Sevika a cup of tea the next morning too.

The third day is when you have to go back to work, so you force yourself awake earlier than you want. There's still a small chip of guilt weighing on your shoulders that morning, so you fix Sevika a cup of tea again.

You also do it for that following morning because it's Saturday. Who wouldn't want tea on Saturday?

Sunday is a lazy day for Sevika. But somehow she's already in the kitchen when you stumble in at a harrowing 8am. She's waiting for the toaster oven to sound when you pull two mugs out of the cupboard. Even after the appliance dings, she lingers with you in the kitchen, silently eating her toast while you prepare the kettle. Ten minutes later, she’s drinking her tea while her elbows lean against the island counter.

You hold onto your mug tightly and listen to the chirping of the birds in the distance. The only other sound that is audible are her even breaths.

You don't know how you've settled into such a routine after 8 days of living with her. But somehow, standing in the middle of the kitchen together with nothing but comfortable silence, you think that you’ve found the oasis of serenity.

#au writing #piscespetals writing #fanfic #sevika #sevika x reader #arcane au #arcane netflix #fluff #arcane women #divorced!sevika #sevika x y/n #sevika pls marry me #sevika x you #roommate!sevika

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florenceafternoon · 4 months

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━。゜✿ jily fic recommendations ✿ ゜。━

Really, we shouldn’t be surprised by now but I have more amazing jily AU fics to share because the writers of this fandom are incredibly talented and I have my screen report to prove it.

For reference, anything in italics is taken from the summaries on ao3.

serendipity by desperateforsanity (on ao3)

Modern college/uni AU. Dearest Students and Staff, I am pleased to announce Hogwarts University’s fourth annual Pen Pal Program. Upperclassmen and sophomores likely remember and cherish the memories of their previous penpals and are excited to make another friend this year.

TW: for the later chapters for discussions of grief and its effects on one's mental well-being. For the most part, though this is a fun fic full of great banter!

The Frenzied Misadventures of Balcony Man and Window Woman by @clare-with-no-i

prompt: "It's 3am why are you outside my window- are you trying to rob me?"

It feels necessary to preface this entire thing with the fact that, yes, James had good reason to be dangling precariously from a third-floor balcony, and anyone who says differently is simply attempting to smear his good name.

At least, that’s the story he’s sticking to.

Hijinks & Shenanigans

mellow is the man (who knows what he's been missing) also by @/ clare-with-no-i

Earl's Court. 24th May, 1975. Led Zeppelin live in concert like you've never seen them before.

FEATURING: prolonged eye contact, deeply metaphoric descriptions of cigarette smoke, painful levels of detail about makeup, and a special one-time performance by Two Teens In Love! OR: the "we made eye contact at a Led Zeppelin concert but my friends pulled me away to mosh before I could come say hello" AU

So when I say that I saw this unfold frame by frame in my head, I mean the writing is on another level. The way that I could almost smell Earl Court ... I regret waiting so long to read it. Also, found out this is written by the same author as one of my favourite jily fics foreigner’s god so that explains it “I'm not a religious person but I do sometimes think God made you for me.” ― Sally Rooney, Normal People

but he’s a little bit too far away by @firefeufuego

Historical AU. A decade after they met as cadets for The Times, the toll of James chasing stories in war zones is starting to hit home for Lily.

Taking A Shot At You by @annabtg

Modern AU. Lily Evans, pharmacist, has to work all day and night on New Year's Eve - and ends up ringing in the new year with a bloke who just got himself a dog bite.

The Right Track by BeeDaily (on ao3)

Co-workers modern AU. When James is first handed the train ticket, his immediate reaction is to laugh openly in his father's face.

the horoscope by lirians

Modern AU. James stops momentarily to give way to a bunch of rambunctious teenagers on the pavement before he regains his step. Lily has come to a halt a bit further, waiting on him.

“Horoscopes?” he asks as they move onwards. He’s relieved that any awkwardness between them is apparently gone. “How so?”

“Marly sent me mine this week because it said I would meet someone from the past again,” she explains. “I’m still not sold on the idea of it, but isn’t this weird?”

I was inspired to read this by this art

The Falcon and The Squid by @jfleamont

There's a Lego Millennium Falcon that needs to be built. There's also a bet, a ring and a bike.

Put it all together and what do you get?

Leda's jily will always be a favourite of mine. They're idiots in love your honour

Glastonbury by elanev91 (on ao3)

Prompt: we're at a music festival and you crawled into my tent when drunk and fell asleep, now you've woken up bewildered and to be honest I should be more annoyed but you're just so good looking

One Day at Time by @sweeethinny

Single-mum-lily AU. One day at a time is the mantra Lily uses to keep peace inside her mind, but there are days when it's simply impossible and in the end all she needs is a glass of wine, a cozy hug with her boyfriend, and a serious talk with her son.

Note that you can read this as a stand-alone one shot but it's part of a series that takes place in this AU

For All My Life by aheartcalledhome & SecondJadeofLan (on ao3)

When saving the bees ends in a happy family.

pumpkins and blueberries by evotter (on ao3)

Modern soulmate AU. In which Lily Evans hates puzzles, Marlene McKinnon is a coffee-making goddess, and the stuffy manager with the unkempt hair just so happens to be Lily's soulmate. In the wise words of Mary Macdonald, nothing is scarier than a relationship. Especially if it's with your soulmate.

After Moon by lovesickjily (on ao3)

When the universe sent Lily back in time for some inexplicable reason, she didn’t realise that she’d fall for the charming, messy-haired Prince along the way, nor did she realise that she’d see him once again.

here's to never growing up by elixirsoflife (on ao3)

Chat fic where a group chat documents the lives of four highly dramatic teenage boys as they navigate their A Levels.

Or, like, die trying.

Okay, I rarely ever read chat fics, they're just not my thing. BUT this one had me wheezing on my way to school. It's crack. Just treat it like crack

Ice Baby also by elixirsoflife

Modern college/uni AU. In his defence, James never expected to meet his soulmate at thirteen minutes past eleven on a Sunday morning when he’s aiming a puck at Sirius’ balls.

Or: call me sweetheart again and I'll punch you in the throat.

Not a Clue by PotterandEvans (on ao3)

Modern college/uni Quarantine AU. Lily stood in the doorway of the flat, looking at the boy in front of her. She had spent most of the last two years keeping her distance from the annoying piece of work, staying away from his ego mostly. “Come in.” She said, stepping away from the doorway to let him into the flat that she usually shared with Remus.

"Ah, so kind." James muttered as he walked inside, his heavy bag weighing him down. This really was not the ideal situation, for either of them. But he had nowhere else to go, so staying with Lily Evans it was going to have to be.

they were zoommates (requires an ao3 account) by elanev91 (on ao3)

Modern college/uni Quarantine AU. Lily's on lockdown and, because she can't help herself, signs herself up for a whole bunch of extra (and free) work with her ad agency. Minerva, her boss, assigns a cheeky social media manager to her team to help her. Also, Marlene discovers TikTok (this is nowhere near as important to the narrative as its inclusion here suggests).

And You Heard About Me (Ooh, We’ve Got Some Big Enemies!) by @wearingaberetinparis

Fame AU. Lily Evans is a Grammy-winning singer-songwriter and global superstar, who recently broke up from her latest and long-term actor boyfriend Amos Diggory. James Potter is a professional football player who plays as a forward for Manchester United and has never been quiet about his celebrity crush: Lily Evans. When Lily Evans thus plays at Wembley Stadium - a place he is more than familiar with due to his being part of the England team - he just has to go and see her perform, embracing his inner, besotted fan boy, while the woman on stage is completely oblivious to his presence. Or is she?

The most unrealistic part was man u winning (but it's James so that explains it). Regardless, I started this fic while waiting for my final grades from last year to come through, and while they were disappointing, this sure wasn't. I was crying so hard that I fell asleep. Then I woke up and continued the fic and suddenly I was giggling along with Lilly. Anything and everything Mary writes is a masterpiece. Thank you for sharing this wonderful story.

it continues (the beginning doesn't matter) by whitesunlars (on ao3)

She is the last person he expected at his door at that exact moment, despite feeling unsure about the fact that she managed to track down his address, he agrees to go out to coffee with her. A lot could be said about James Potter, but nobody could claim that he had good self-preservation skills.

They meet in a bar. Mistakes happen. They learn to keep going.

#jily fic rec #jily #jple #lily evans #james potter

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bug-bites · 5 months

Note

one of my fav things to read/write is a f!reader x Simon "Ghost" Riley, where the reader is almost exactly like ghost. I'm talking full black mask, (maybe legally dead) few words, silent, callsign generally spooky like Reaper or Phantom, and I was wondering if you would wanna do that?

Usually I have reader as a childhood friend or adopted sibling of Roach, which is why roach is so comfortable around ghost. He's just used to it. If it's pure fluff or platonic that's completely fine, and if you don't wanna do that it's also fine!! I just thought I might as well shoot my shot :)

Your an amazing writer, have an awesome day <3

seeing double

cw: canon-typical violence, breif (pun intended) mention of ghost having skeleton boxers (nothing like explicit though i dont even know if this needs to be mentioned tbh but better safe than sorry), ghost gets shot womp womp, angst w/ a happy ending, so many military inaccuracies, barely proofread :P

pairing: platonic!simon 'ghost' riley x f!reader, gary 'roach' sanderson & reader

characters: simon 'ghost' riley, gary 'roach' sanderson (price, gaz and soap mentioned v briefly!)

authors note: omg you are so sweet thank you so much!! sorry this took so long i've been so busy with things, i hope you don't mind that i got a bit silly with this one and basically wrote a fic in jot notes 😭 (ALSO ROACH MENTION!! I LOVE MY BBYG THANK YOU ANON <3)

when you first met ghost he genuinely thought this was a joke. the balaclava, the whole death motif, your callsign being phantom which is literally synonymous with ghost, even your attitude was so eerily similar to him. it was like looking in a mirror

it didn't help when he tilted his head you mirrored your actions

i think he wouldn't gravitate immediately to you, it's not that he didn't like you he just felt a bit odd with how similar you two were, in all honesty he was probably slightly unnerved by you

soap and gaz definitely crack jokes about you being the second coming of ghost or something dumb like that

whenever anyone is referring to you and ghost and phantom it was always "the ghosts" or "ghost and girl ghost" which pissed you OFF

roach cant count all the times you have ranted to him about how everyone treats ghost like he came up with your whole aesthetic and you copied him when you have been doing this for YEARS before you even met ghost!

"and everyone acts like he invented skeletons and being legally dead! how self centered do you have to be to act like you invented skeleton iconography?! THEYRE SKELETONS. THATS LIKE BASIC HUMAN ANATOMY. and its always men taking the credit- god its so stupid! i did shit this first and how do i know that he isn't copying me huh?? did we ever think of that?? and ghost is such a basic ass fucking name like really. ghost? bet the only reason he wears that mask is to cover up his casper sized forehead."

roach knows that you're annoyed and you probably aren't trying to be super mean- maybe you don't even think ghosts forehead is casper sized! but hey, he isn't trying to argue while you look like you're about to rip someone's head off

instead he opts for calmly signing words of comfort lest you tear ghosts head off (with a few minor corrections)

"yes roach i know phantoms are pretty much the same as ghosts but that's not the point. you're basically my brother. you have to be on my side. that's how it works."

its good you and roach get along with each other. however, since you are just so similar with someone whos name starts with s and ends with imon "ghost" riley he becomes friends with roach quite easily and rants to him too

"she thinks shes so fookin crea'ive but you know wha? she isnt. bet ive been in SAS longer than her. wheres 'er skull tattoo at?? cause i got a whole sleeve done almost a decade ago! she isnt the first to come up wi' this. see, i get youre friends wi' 'er but truth is she di'nt come up wi' all o' this 'erself and she isn't half as dedicated as me. i even got skeleton boxers! she got those??- wait no dont answer tha' i dont wan' tha' image in my head."

for the first month or two whenever you see each other its clear you two do not get along.

roach tried to crack a joke but if anything it just made you hate ghost more

"hey, phantom. what's got two legs and bleeds?" "half a dog." you and ghost respond in unison

the rest of the day you dont even acknowledge each other. price makes a joke about how "you both are acting like you killed someone" which you mutter a small "oh im going to that's for sure" under your breath

safe to say you had a long rant to roach about how now not only is he stealing your whole persona, he's taking your jokes now too

you think roach would be torn between choosing sides but no this man loves every second of it. its so petty- so stupid he just needs to see how long you two idiots will keep butting heads

you mention how you were planning on getting a red mask? he's going up to ghost being like "hey, ghost did i ever tell you red is totally your colour? you know what actually? you should get a red mask!"

you both walk into the next briefing with your new masks and you couldn't be more pissed

to make matters worse you both are teamed up for the next mission. something about stopping a major arms dealer but ghost is the one getting his hands dirty. all you need to do is get into security, guide him through the complex enough for him to grab intel and leave

its simple. you've done it a billion times before, same with ghost. the first half goes fine. you both get in, he grabs the intel and is ready to head out, both of you speaking only when necessary.

minor issue- actually major issue, getting out wasn't as smooth. somehow ghost ended up shot right as he's notifying you that he's almost out. you hear the gunshot ring out, a grunt and scuffling.

"phantom to ghost. how copy."

your voice rings out, an eerie silence following after

"ghost. how copy."

you repeat again, this time earning a response

"m' alive. shot in the leg. bullet went clean through, makin a torniquet as we speak" he grunts back. you have never been happier to hear his stupid manchester accent "keep it that way."

if past you knew those four words directed at ghost would come out of your mouth, you're pretty sure you would've stolen a tank and driven it off a cliff immediately with ghost in it too probably

but now is not the time hotwiring a tank and locating a cliff would take too long anyways, you guide him out, occasionally telling him some stupid fun fact to make sure he's still there or just to keep him alert

"did you know that jellyfish have one hole for their mouth and asshole?" "these get more concerning the more you tell me." "most koalas have chlamydia." "alrigh', 'nuff of that. fun facts are s'pposed to be fun, you know that right?" "learning is fun."

this earns a chuckle from him which he quickly covers up with a cough

he makes it out alive, busted up that's for sure but alive nonetheless

you hook his arm over your shoulder, talking about everything and anything to keep him conscious. he's going to listen anyways so might as well make the most of it

"you're not as bad as i thought you'd be, 'specially for a copy cat." he says after you tell him yet another bizarre animal fact "i got a red mask first by the way" "piss off. this is why i don't compliment you" he rolls his eyes, for once not out of annoyance "i wear it better anyways." "sure, sure. believe what you want, but just know that i'm the cooler one." "you also are shit at making tourniquets" "so you finally admit that i'm cooler." no amount of eyerolling or snappy comebacks can hide your grin at this point. you silently thank your past self for choosing to wear a mask all the time "you're quite bold for someone who got shot in the leg"

once you two get back, practically everyone is surprised how all the deadly glares and colorful insults muttered under heavy sighs between you two have now been replaced with playful banter and empty threats with no murderous intent behind them

price heard you laughing with ghost followed up with you telling ghost "they will never find your body" which did scare the shit out of him but it made ghost laugh so hard he nearly pissed himself

price made sure to check that ghost was in fact alive for the next few days, just to make sure you were joking

when asked about it both of you just shrug and reply "trauma bonding."

roach, although disappointed with the absence of drama is glad to see two of the most special people in his life getting along bros just sad he cant be an instigator anymore

and as soon as ghost comes back from leave, he's got double the scary dog privileges he originally had

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keru0 · 9 months

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Tan Lines

I was playing as Alhaitham in the desert and heard his desert voiceline, which reminded me that he has holes in the tops of his shoes and a headcannon I saw that he has heart-shaped tan lines there. I think that should be enough for yall to get the idea of this fic…

Anyways this is just a little drabble I did. I think I’m putting that Ragbros fic on the backburner for now, but I do have different Ragbros fic in mind I might write!

Fandom: Genshin Impact

Ships/Pairings: Lee!Alhaitham, Ler!Kaveh (romantic)

Contains: Feet Tickling, Fluff, SFW

Word Count: 839

================================================

“Ugh, I’m so tired!” Kaveh sighed, dramatically laying over Alhaitham’s legs on the Divan. It’s been quite a long day, having already had to restart his client’s proposal for the third time – I mean really, who does he think he is?! Did he go to the Akademia for almost a decade for architecture? Has he been acclaimed as the Light of Khsarewar for his grandiose architecture? No! “I mean it’s the third time, Haitham! Does he think he knows better than me?! ‘Too plain’ my ass! If I add any more decorum it’ll stick out like a pink Sumpter Beast!”

After the scribe allowed the architect a few seconds to calm down, he spoke up, looking up from the book he was reading, keeping his expression as neutral as possible. “Well maybe you should just drop him as a client? Seems like more trouble than he’s worth.”

Kaveh lifted his head to look at Alhaitham, sighing once again. “You don’t get it Haitham! This project is going to make me so much mora! I can’t just throw it away-” Halfway through his words, he turned his head to Alhaitham’s feet, noticing something peculiar.

“Are those…do you have tan lines on the tops of your feet?” He shifted, getting closer to the scribe's feet, crossed at the end of the divan. “Oh my god, you do! And they’re shaped like little hearts! Aww, who knew you had a cute side~” Kaveh teased.

“They’re not hearts.” Alhaitham answered, sticking his face back in his book. “They’re just from my boots- ack! Hehey!”

Kaveh ignored Alhaitham, opting to instead trace the darkened skin with his fingernail, outlining the shape. “They are too hearts! See, they’re shaped just like them…” Hearing the scribe’s reaction, he suddenly stopped what he was doing, looking at Haitham and smirking. “Oh don’t tell me…is the Akademia’s Grand Scribe ticklish~?”

“Kaveh, don’t you dahahare! Ahahaha! Knohohock it ohohoff!” Alhaitham quickly shut his book and threw it aside, attempting to sit up to pull his roommate from his feet, which was easier said than done with the way Kaveh was sprawled over his legs, making them almost unable to bend.

The architect kept his smirk on his face, now quickly skittering his nails over the tops of Alahaitham’s feet, from his ankles to his toes. “Oh, come on! You hardly ever laugh, let alone smile! Relax a little, Haitham!”

Unable to pull Kaveh from his legs, the scribe grabbed the pillow from behind him, swinging it to hit the architect repeatedly, though it did little to stop his ticklish attack. “Kahahaveh stahahap it! This is nohohot how I relahahax! NOhoHoHOHo!”

At the first impact of the pillow hitting his back, Kaveh gasped in faux shock, mock-anger in his tone. “How dare you hit me! Is this how you thank your roommate for helping you relax? Perhaps you should apologize~!” Kaveh narrowed his eyes and widened his smirk as he pulled back the scribe's toes and quickly dragged his nails along his sole, paying extra attention to the area just beneath his toes. Alhaitham’s leg began to shake, unable to do anything, even scrunch his toes, to stop the maddingly ticklish sensations coming from his sole. His other foot began flailing about, trying its best to attempt to cover the foot being attacked and stop the evil hands from their assault.

“NOhOHoHO! Okay oKAHaHAhaY! IHiM SoHOHohORrY! STAhAHaP IT! KAHaHAVeH eNoHOHoUgH AhAHaHAHa!” Alhaitham screamed as the ticklish sensations became too much. Tears of mirth began forming at the corners of his eyes, a few escaping down his cheeks as he fell back on the divan and quickly shoved the pillow he was using to hit Kaveh into his face to attempt to muffle his screams of laughter.

Accepting his apology, Kaveh stopped his assault on his roommate’s feet and began rubbing them to rid of the residual ticklish sensations. After a few seconds, he crawled up to Haitham’s head, gently prying the pillow away from his face. “Ahh, let me see that face~” He smiled, his eyes crinkling at the scribe’s expression – face pink, cheeks damp from tears, hair disheveled, and a wide smile on his face. “You know, you’re quite cute like this. That smile I love so much, it’s very pretty on you – you should smile more often.” Kaveh moved his hand to cradle Haitham’s cheek, using his thumb to wipe away some of the residual tears.

“Is that so?” Alhaitham responded, smiling at Kaveh and leaning into his touch. Haitham raised his own hand to cradle Kaveh’s cheek, gently pulling his face towards his own in a gentle kiss. “Are you in a better mood now, at least?”

“After seeing your dazzling smile and charming laugh? Always.” Kaveh smiled, laying his chin on Haitham’s chest to look at him. “Love you.”

“Love you too, my Light.” Alhaitham smiled again, laying his head back while rubbing a hand on Kaveh’s back, the two of them deciding to rest for a while.

* * *

“They are shaped like hearts, though.”

“Shut it.”

#genshin tickling #fluff #lee!alhaitham #sfw #ler!kaveh #feet tickling

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bellewintersroe · 1 year

Text

Ron Speirs x British girl headcannons Just had the most overwhelming urge to write some head cannons for this scenario as I knew I’d never finish a full fic, but I’d love to read one 😫

this was heavily inspired by ww2 soldiers reuniting with their loves after the war, some not for decades after- my heart can’t take this. Sorry for the break I’ve been super busy, but hopefully will get back to posting asap!!

Ok so let’s say this girl lives in Aldbourne, England. Maybe she’s around 18/19/20? Still pretty young and living at home, could be working in a shop or in the laundrette, maybe she’s training to be a nurse?

Ron, with the rest of the men were stationed in England, in the same village, so she’d mingle with all of the soldier pretty much immediately. They’d all find her beautiful, but Ron- the minute he set eyes on her he fell in love.

I feel like they’d catch each others eyes from afar, maybe the girl is shy? She’d give him a small smile and her eyes would follow him around, completely entranced by the handsome man.

he’d be in his uniform, and I feel like it would be a sunny afternoon, maybe fairly warm? She might be with her friends or family, but he doesn’t notice, his jaw tenses and he swears his heart fails when she smiles at him.

Ron knows there’s be competition if he doesn’t approach her fast- so it’s almost immediate that he introduces herself, and this is Ron pre-war so he’s less intimidating?

maybe this girl still finds him scary asf cos he is beauty is intimidating.

he’d probably panic and shake her hand? But unlike a lot of the men he’s respectful, still fairly forwards, but he isn’t oozing desperation.

his eyes are glimmering, you know the church scene? He looks so pretty and smart omg.

as I said pre war Ron, I think would be a lot more chatty? He’d take her on walks and it would end up being her dragging him to places she grew up around.

Both their intentions are very clear, and with the threat of war looming Ron has no time for time wasting. Probably would kiss her pretty quickly, would hold both her cheeks like she’s the most precious thing in the world.

ron blushes whenever she kisses him.

Their love is so pure and so intense, whenever they get a moment together they can’t get enough of one another.

He’s protective, keeps an arm around her waist or her arm wrapped around his. She’s not as aware of the persona he has to upkeep so she does get a little playful, maybe wraps her finger around his belt loop.

ron gets confused by this? Also gets confused by the accents surrounding him- maybe when she introduces him to her family he can’t understand a word anybody is saying ?

oh my god the thought of war looming and them having to leave one another is gut wrenching. It makes Ron want to be sick.

When the date does come Ron has to keep himself together during their goodbye, she on the other hand is sobbing against his uniform, neither one of them can bare the idea.

Like I said, Ron isn’t a time waster so promises marriage to her? Like he has a full ring and everything, promises a proper proposal when he’s home?

probably stole the ring let’s be honest.

Write to one another continuously, she worries horrendously and the only thing Ron finds really getting in the way of his secure mindset is her.

He feels soft thinking about her, sad, distracted. He can’t bare it, he’d definitely pour his heart out in all his letters. Would not let any single man in his or any company see these letters or pictures she’s given him, that side of him is reserved for him only.

whenever they return to England for a little while, Ron would be so so happy to reunite with his girl. He’d hug her so tightly and take her away to somewhere the two of them can be alone.

I don’t think either of them would believe in not having sex before marriage, Ron makes love sooo passionately and she literally can’t get enough of the man.

he becomes a little quieter after each time he returns home, she’s worried he’s lost interest, but really the burden of war is heavy on his mind.

so gut wrenching for them both whenever he has to ship out again, and there’s the realisation that the likelihood of him returning to England won’t happen again. That’s soul destroying omfg.

here’s the heartbreaking part, she wants to stay in England to be with her family, but he desperately wants to return to America. They agree to disagree and the letters slowly burn out and become less frequent as the war ends.

He’d go home feeling so lost and burnt out from the war, he continues working working and working to occupy his mind from the girl he’d fallen so deeply in love with.

Ron is absolutely heartbroken. Nobody comes close to her, and the same goes for her, but this heartbreak mixed with the intense grief after the war is so overwhelming. Again, he just has to get on with it.

for years he’d consider writing her, but he’d be scared of rejection- she could be remarried?! Who knew. I think she’d feel the same? She’s so busy with nursing during and after the war, she thinks Ron has most definitely found another pretty European broad and their chances is long gone.

let’s say 5 years down the line? She makes the big move to America with her family, to start a new life after the war, they go chasing the American dream to rid the sadness of loss and grief the family had.

Ron would be on the forefront of her mind, and you best believe she has a weird inkling that they’d bump into one another out there. (Maybe she doesn’t realise how big America is lmao).

anyway, this definitely and sadly doesn’t happen. But she still has his home address, she’s got his telephone number, everything. So a letter gets sent, two weeks later she’s still not heard anything back. Then three weeks pass, a month, two months.

a letter comes when she’s least expecting it. And it’s from Ron. She’s in total shock, he would be in total shock. Ofc, he’s actually nearby? He’s stationed in New York, and he was now working in the military still, in the Korean War.

You best believe Ron is inviting her around to where he’s living. Before the visit he’s a pacing mess, he’s anxious, nervous, excited?! Hell, he’s even scared. A lot had happened in the 5 years between them knowing each other, what if it was awkward?

some how, it’s not. It’s a little tense, but the excitement and the way they pull each other into their arms is tear jerking.

they’d both kinda stare in shock. Ron would have wide eyes and I think she’d just burst into a mixture of a huge smile followed by an emotional breakdown as they simultaneously collapse into each others arms.

Ron truly through he’d lost her, so to have her in his arms once again is soooo insanely overwhelming.

Has to take a seat, but they can’t keep their hands off each other omg.

ron would feel like he wanted to beg and plead for her to stay with him in America, so when she assured him that she’s not going anywhere- he feels like he could literally cry.

Ron doesn’t cry a lot, barely ever, so I think he’d have a couple of tears in his eyes and he gets too choked up to speak- but I don’t think he’d outwardly cry in front of her.

Probs would have trouble getting used to each others accents again.

Feels like a dream come true, they were separated by a whole ocean before, so I don’t think Ron would want her going very far from him ever ever ever again.

let me just tell you now, this man is a sucker for a British accent- so take that how you please ;)

#Band of brothers x reader #ron Speirs x reader #ron Speirs headcannons

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greenerteacups · 8 months

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(1) I spent four months trying to find the log in details of my old tumblr account just to send in this message. You decide to write the seminal dramione fic of this decade for the fandom and you didn't think to warn us? Who do you think you are to take me on this kind of a journey. I pay TAXES. I have to get my oil changed. I lost my favorite satin scrunchie. I have things to fucking DO. Now all my Fridays have been ROBBED???????

this overwhelmingly kind ask came in three pieces, and I am posting only the question here, but rest assured that i read and treasured the second part as any author must treasure the high compliment of having ruined someone's life, a little bit, in a fun way. please pay your taxes! i hope you have found the scrunchie.

(3) And for my question: Draco has a pretty significant cognitive dissonance when it comes to Hermione + her muggle parents, and his blood supremacy, that he's only just began to confront. BARELY. Her being the exception to most of his rules in general helps that. How has writing that cognitive dissonance been? Have there ever been points where Draco's thinking made you uncomfortable, or mad? It's easy to be sympathetic to him in this fic but still.

the answer to this is: yes, definitely! or rather, it's the kind of thing that i would find uncomfortable if i weren't making him do it. an author has an almost dictatorial control over her relationship with her characters, so i can't ever really be as angry at my draco as i would be a character in someone else's story, or god forbid a real person, because he is, after all, my draco. it's like riding a roller coaster when you control how fast it goes: i can hit the gas or the brakes, but i can't then be shocked when we accelerate. that being said, draco's thinking about hermione's blood status is the kind of thing that would absolutely rub me the wrong way. from a personal perspective, when they have arguments about it, i'm usually on (or mostly on) hermione's side; i think this is just one of those issues where draco's position is not justifiable on any grounds not related to "i am used to doing this bad thing and many people have done it also." now, there are definitely cases where hermione gets up in his face and says some unkind things about him and his parents. but the imperfection of her communication style doesn't impute the perfection of her argument, which is, essentially: "my parents are human beings of equal value to yours, and you should treat them and me as such." and frankly, draco's so entrenched in this belief system that it's hard to imagine her ever getting through to him unless she's willing to drop the civil guise, from time to time, and get in his face. (major spoilers for book four down below, by the way.)

the cognitive dissonance of draco's position on muggleborns vs. Hermione specifically is embodied by that little word in the middle: versus. hermone is a special case. in any and every context. gradually, we've watched the meaning of that evolve from "special mudblood" to "special Gryffindor" to "special witch" to "special Person," full-stop. as long as hermione is the exception to every rule in draco's life — and it kind of helps that in a lot of ways, she is — he can frame his changing stance not as a fundamental shift in philosophy, but as an acceptable bit of rule-breaking. he thinks he's doing what narcissa suggested he do at the end of book three: just handwave a little bit. it's fine, we're not burning Parliament down, i'm allowed to have this.

but hermione keeps putting pressure on that, because — and i love her for this — she refuses to be that for him. she doesn't want to be his exception. she doesn't want to be his "acceptable bit of rule-breaking". she's not his fucking manic pixie dream mudblood. she wants him to be better, and like her open-eyed and open-armed for what she is. and if he's not going to do that, then he's at least going to know why she's mad at him when he doesn't! so by the end of book four, that crystallizes in the first true breakthrough of the book: hermione tells him, listen, i am a muggle-born and that matters, and i care for you, but if you don't believe me, this is the end of the line for us. and because of various things he's been through, many of them at her side, draco is finally able to make that connection: hermione is special and she's muggle-born, and those two things are allowed to coexist. they have to be, because if they can't, then he isn't allowed to have her. and then, immediately after, we see his resolution in dumbledore's office after viktor's death: it's not a regression to "hermione is special and that's why it's okay to bend rules for her," but a progression to: "hermione is special and so am i, and that's why i can break all the fucking rules i want to, because they can't matter if they get between us." this is not what we would call an extremely healthy world philosophy, but in his defense, he's fifteen and traumatized, and also recently discovered the life-altering properties of Being On The Right Side of an Era-Defining Social Conflict. he's still processing, to say the least.

#greenteacup asks #lionheart spoilers #dramione

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1unpaid-intern · 8 months

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Ok so I'm kinda new to tumblr, but I just can't get this fanfic idea out of my head. So since I'll probably never write this/ lose motivation half way through, I might as well share it.

Soooo I've come across a really good ghost/calamity xie lian AU fic (Dark Sword, White Flower by Luna04 on ao3 if anyone's interested) and I've come up with my own take on that premise, because it's just so intriguing.

(English is not my first language, so sorry for any mistakes)

Also spoilers for tgcf (obviously)!

Almost all fics I've read make it so Xie Lian dies in the coffin Lang Qianqiu put him in, but even though that'd be pretty cruel (and would therefore make sense in universe xD) I just don't buy it. Jun Wu specifically wanted to make life as painfull as possible for him both psycologically and physically. Xie Lian getting stabed through the heart for decades would be a dream come true, so he definetly wouldn't let him die. Because if you ask me, he definetly knew. As white no-face he was stalking XL constantly and you're telling me he just stopped after his second banishment? XL was still suffering, since his luck got sealed away, so you bet that he's been watching him day after day while eating popcorn and going like: serves you right little sh*t (because we all know he's petty like that).

Instead I'd have XL die trying to stop the human face disease from raining down on Yong'an. In the original Wu Ming sacrifices himself, but what if no-face stops him by scattering his soul. XL then makes the ultimate sacrifice and even though all those resentfull spirits should kill him no matter what, in order to make it a little bit more poetic let's say that right before he gets hit, XL ascends for the second time since he regained his morals and tries to make up for it. (In the process he also breaks his shakle. And I know that you're supposed to also be imortal as a god, but Shi Wudu got killed by having his head ripped off and I just have this head canon that XL would be fine after that because JW just won't let him die.)

Now the "problem" that arises with this premis instead of the coffin-death is that JW absolutly knows about XLs death. If he lets the rest of heaven know that, it'd eventually reach Hua Cheng. Aaand oh booooyyyy. If he found out that his god not only died, but none of the other gods, not even the emperor himself, prevented it by helping him, the temples of those 33 gods wouldn't be the only thing on fire. Because think about it, the reason HC keeps on living is XL, but if he thinks he's gone, then the only thing that'd keep him going is revenge. HCs end goal would then be to become strong enough to even kill JW.

But I can also see this playing out differently. We know JW wants XL to follow in his foot steps and become a calamity, therefore needing to become a ghost (as he says when they're both trapped in the Kiln). So he'd definetly consider the posibility of XL becoming a ghost. Considering the guy has a sword for everything (looking at you virginity detecting sword) I could imagine that he also has one that can tell if somebody's soul is still wandering around even though they're dead. Obviously JW would want to find him and turn him into a calamity. But if he a) tells the other gods that XL is a ghost then atleast Feng Xin and Mu Qing would also be looking for him or b) only tells them that he died then somebody might get the idea to use the aforementioned sword and leading us back to a). So the most logical thing would be for JW to just lie about XL getting banished a second time (similar to how it originally went down).

While I like both scenarios, I'm kinda leaning towards the second one with JW lying, because as soon as XL ascendes for the third time he's gonna be hella confused why nobody is freaking out about him showing up in heaven, followed up by him becoming suspicious of JW.

One thing I've been thinking about a lot was what's special about XL as a ghost king, what differentiates him from the others. HC got his red robs, silver jewelry, blood rain, wraith butterflies, E-Ming and power over luck. He Xuan has his black robes, great acting skills (seriously give this man an oscar), never ending hunger, skeletton fish and power over the seas. Qi Rong (while only having the title of a calamity and not actually being a ghost king) has his green robes, green fire locks and his habit of trying to imitate the other calamities (e.g. hanging corpses & eating people). Bai Wuxiang has his simple white burial robs, the iconic half-crying half-smiling mask, a spirit calling cloth flag, Fangxin aka Zhu Xin, manipulation and the power of the human face disease. Things I've seen a lot in other fics and that I completly agree on are: XL can turn his nails into long claws (similar to Lady Dimitrescu I'd imagine), he doesn't want to be found so he shape shifts a lot and he helps out the common people, especially children and mothers (since trying to help others and making up for his past mistakes is basically all that keeps him going). While these characteristics are great, they aren't enough to make him stand out yet. One idea I'm really proud of is to make XL a puppet master. Because correct me if I'm wrong, but the only "ghost typs" we ever were introduced to were sentient weapons, possed objects, humanoid ghosts, ghost animals, water ghouls and puppet masters. And just imagine XL using threads and puppets to fight in addition to Ruoye. Like, imagine him fighting similar to Sasori from Naruto, the Spider Demons from Demon Slayer or ErrorSans from the Undertale AUs. I also think he should stick with the burial cloths he was wearing as white no-face (maybe with some blood on them to make it more creepy) but obviously adding his signitur bambu hat with some flowy long vails.

I wouldn't change to much about he whole XL posing as the Yong'an goushi backstory. I would only have it so Lang Qianqiu finds out that his goushi was actually a ghost king and XL fleeing so he isn't stuck in a coffin for decades. That way when LQQ finds out about XL being his goushi, it also serves as the big reveal.

I'm not so sure what to do with the Banyue kingdom backstory though. I would like for XL to take Ban Yue as his little adoptive daughter, but if he went back after the kingdom was destroyed, then woudn't he take care of Kemo and the other ghost soliders right there? That would lead to Little Pei never luring people in, therefore erasing the entire Banyue arc and I don't know how to feel about that. Yes, not much would change, were it to play out, but that's the first time XL meets the "earth" and wind master. Also JW led them to Banyue pass (and also to the ghost bride) in order to damage Pei Mings reputation, so he'd lose believers and therefore would be easier to beat later on and that's kinda important. Not to forget he used a puppet for that and with XL as a puppet master he'd definetly be able to get more info out of it, leading to raising his suspicions again.

Aaaaand that are all the ideas I have so far, also my fingers hurt from typing.

Maybe I'll continue this some day, since I probably won't stop obsessing over this AU any time soon. (Also if you know similar fics please let me know, I feel so starved rn)

#xie lian #ghost xie lian #calamity xie lian #fanfic ideas #tgcf

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hkblack · 9 months

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Hi! I hope you are doing well! I decided to spend my evening like Crowley, asking an important question from fellow GO writers! What's your current favourite story you yourself have written? Tell me why you like it!

Not gonna lie, I saw this and went "MIRJAM WHY ARE YOU SENDING ME ASKS!? you can just dm me on discord you fool" but then I saw what the ask was and got all excited. Thanks darling, this is delightful.

Right now my fave fic from my catalogue is:

Ever-Fixed E, 19,552

Aziraphale Fell had a plan. Go to school, get his degree, and start his life with his beloved at his side as man and wife. Until one day Crowley disappears. Decades later he meets a man, and finds the love of his life again. Anthony J. Crowley, suave, cool, masculine, in control, unflappable, has spent decades building himself up. He refuses to let his confident facade disappear for Aziraphale, who once almost tumbled down the stairs to certain death because his nose was stuck in a book. It’s just sex, and they’ve been dating for months, this time around. There’s no need to get his knickers in a knot. But the past isn’t easy to let go of, even if you’re both avoiding it. A story about love, intimacy, and finding each other again. (Alternatively: Tender smut, but then I wrote love story flashbacks, and now it's just emotional and there's plot in my pornography)

So why?

First, context: this was written for Fandom Trumps Hate 2023 for Andromeda4004. We went back and forth and I almost went "no wait no, I'm not trans I can't write a transman Crowley. oh no. I'm not good enough to pull this off" and then I got bit by a bunny and couldn't not write it.

It's my favorite, and I think it's going to be my favorite for a while because it's the best writing I think I've done to date. It's incredibly emotional and tender. And sitting with this Crowley has been good for me as a person. He's got a few more stories about him he's trying to pull out of me, so actually if you've already read this fic, go click the link and subscribe to the series I dumped it into in case I cave and do write some of the slice of life shit he's calling for. But... in making sure I wrote something that was respectful and joyful for the people who can immediately see themselves in Crowley (as a transman), I not only did a lot of research, and listening, and fretting at my amazing sensitivity reader because oh god writing with no pronouns at all is SO HARD (yeah, YEAH, go reread those flashback scenes folks.), but I also did a lot of soul searching.

Am I trans? No. Nonbinary? Don't think so. Cis? Eh. Probably?

This is something I sort of felt before writing this fic but now, hanging out with this version of this character and trying to do right by him, I'm a bit more comfortable in my Gender Fuckery (or lack thereof depending on the day). And I think that personally I keep rereading this fic not only because this Crowley is seriously not done living in my head shouting ideas at me, but because it's got the soft tender romance that I absolutely live for, and a Crowley who knows who he is, and is comfortable with himself, and is excited for you to get there too. And I appreciate him for holding my hand and letting me tell his story. Also fucking Aziraphale in this fic is a PUMPKIN. ABSOLUTE PUMPKIN. We don't get to live inside his head as much as we do with Crowley, but let me tell you. He's ultimate supportive partner. He is rub your feet unasked for after a long day cause it brings him joy. He knows your favorite color down to the exact shade. He is bought you VIP tickets to your favorite band he doesn't really like, but he likes how you sing their songs in the shower. PUMPKIN.

#from the ask box #good omens fanfiction #HK Writes

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irisbleufic · 9 months

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I really cannot overstate how groundbreaking/memorable your Good Omens fic is! I remember reading it in ye olde LiveJournal days and....God, it must be almost a decade later, when I got onto Tumblr I remembered not only the fics but your username and you can't imagine how chuffed I was to see that you 1) are still writing and 2) wrote Great Gatsy speculative fiction!!! Writing can be a hard, solitary endeavor, but please know that your stories resonated and continue to stay with me, and I reread them to this day. Thank you for sharing them with us!

LJ fandom was so much fun! I feel like I was writing and posting there on the borderline between LJ’s decline and AO3’s inception, and because I didn’t start transferring my fic from LJ to AO3 (and just posting to AO3, for that matter), I did myself and my readers a disservice. Still, Good Omens fandom was born on LJ in the early 2000s; I feel proud to have been there and writing at its inception, through to the present day.

I know there are folks who wish I loved the show the way I love the novel, but living with the book for 19 years and my longest, most involved work of fiction ever (CoT) for nearly as long has made it extremely difficult for me to see the novel’s setting of 1990 transposed to now (there’s also the issue that despite the fact that I love what I’ve seen of Tennant as a human being, I’ve never enjoyed any of his roles except for his Shakespearean ones; the casting of Crowley in particular was always going to be impossible in my eyes). It is what it is; we all have those stories that we’ll never see any other way.

Thank you for continuing to read and love my stories in a world where the novel is in some sense being phased out, I guess is what I’m trying to say 💙 I’m astonished I’m alive to be saying this; I didn’t expect to survive the cancer ordeal of 2019-2020. I thought that finishing CoT would be the last meaningful writing I’d ever do. It’s weird to be a survivor of so many health issues barely halfway through my life. I hope my next 40-50 years in fandom will be just as filled with amazing friends and fiction.

#fandom #fanfiction #good omens #aziraphale x crowley #ineffable husbands

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rahleeyah · 6 months

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I try not to comment on how people comment bc the thing is like. I'm grateful for every single comment people leave and I want to encourage engagement but I also understand how hard it can be to leave those comments in the first place. I'm not ever gonna post anything demanding comments or saying you have to comment or that you have to do it in a certain way but sometimes I feel like maybe there's a disconnect where people maybe don't realize how their comments impact the writer.

When I receive multiple comments about how the readers want more, "the only thing wrong with this chapter is how short it is!! I want more!!", "I can't wait for the next one!!!", "post more now!!!", that is, to me, utterly demoralizing. It doesn't feel like a compliment. I try to tell myself it is, that it wasn't meant to be an admonishment, but it is. Those comments aren't replying to what has been written. They aren't praising what has been written; those comments aren't in conversation with the chapter at all. It is not engaging with the published chapter at all, not saying anything about what happened or how they felt about it or what they might have liked. All those comments tell me is how much I've disappointed you.

My multi chapter fic updates are always, always, always 2000-2500 words. It has been this way for over a decade. I do this for two reasons.

The first reason is that this is the amount I can write in an hour after work. When I'm tired, when I've been going all day, I set aside some time between work and cooking dinner to write and that's how much I can do in that time frame. If I only wrote the 2k and didn't post it, just left it to finish the next day, a) I would lose all my momentum and the tone would change and it would require more editing b) the lack of consistent engagement (bc y'all would only get one single chapter a week (if that much!!) this way and almost no one comments after the first 24 hours a chapter is up) would make me feel like no one cared about it, which would disincentivize me to continue and c) I would get so fucking bored and overwhelmed by how long it was taking to move the story forward that I'd never finish. Multiple 2k chapters a week is the method that allows me to make the most consistent progress on the stories.

The second reason is that until about April of this year I was posting 4-6 times a week, and I'm still averaging 3-4, all on weekdays, and this length of chapter is easy for people to consume in a relatively short period of time in their own busy lives. I want people to see the notification email and be able to read the chapter then, not have to wait (and forget about it) or worse just skim it bc it's too long and they don't have enough time.

I update this way for me but I do it for the readers, too. I could try to force myself to write longer chapters, only update once a week, or god forbid go radio silent for six months at a time and only post a story when it's done but why would I want to do that? How lonely that would be for me! And how much less fun would that be for the readers? When the updates come like this there's conversations happening, there's a back and forth between me and the readers that sometimes changes the direction the story goes, there's opportunity for readers to think about it, to imagine different scenarios, to have the ongoing updates be something to look forward to, to really feel emotions and enjoy it, and sometimes I think commenters don't realize what it would cost if I did do what they're asking for. And sometimes I think they don't realize how bad it hurts, to work hard on something and be proud of it and be met with a chorus of "you are not good enough - do more."

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desceros · 5 months

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It's been almost a decade for me too 😌 I used to write entire chapters in a day, but now I can't put a sentence together without deleting it right after, because I hate it lmao. What do you do when you have writer's block? I've been hitting a wall with writing for so long, it's like I don't know how to write anymore. I still love writing, still get plot bunnies all the time, but it's like I'm stuck. Any advice for that? 🤔

sooooo. i am about to really out just how fucking autistic i am. please don't laugh.

so one thing i do to combat writer's block is i try to write every day, no matter how shitty it is. i let myself suck, because it doesn't matter; no one's going to read what's in my icloud. it's just for me. that lets me be as gratuitous and sucky as i want, guilt-free.

and then—again please don't laugh—i have... a spreadsheet that i made where i can randomly generate one of about 2k prompts and a character. on the days when i don't have inspiration in my head, i just generate a prompt, and then i write that. sometimes, i'm going to be real, it's really awful. like. oh god awful. but i don't delete it. i keep it. because that forces me to think of everything that i write as something that's worth keeping.

so, uh, guessing that you don't want to make an automatic spreadsheet for yourself—i recommend that you follow some of those prompt blogs that float around. i also really like going to a random word generator and giving myself thirty verbs. then you write thirty little baby ficlets where that verb happens. look at pictures. listen to music. think of a line from your favorite fic that made you go 'wow!!' and create an entirely new fic based off of it. there's an entire world of inspiration all around you already, and it doesn't have to come from within if you aren't ready for it; you just have to let the outside in until you are.

at first, you're going to be rusty. everything is going to feel awful. it's going to suck. but if you do just a little bit every day, eventually you'll get to a place where it feels like. oh yeah this is just what i do every day. it doesn't have to be a lot; maybe 500 words. just a scene of a fic. two characters talking. and you'll get back into it eventually!

#ask tag #i showed my roommate my spreadsheet and they gaped. so. it is. truly a Work of A(utism)rt

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rescue-ram · 6 months

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💕, 🥳, 💡, 🔮

💕 What is your favorite fic that you’ve written?

Of the fics I consider Finished, I'm shouting out Making the Most of It. REALLY happy with how that came out :)

🥳 Why did you start writing fanfic?

I think I was in 3rd grade, maybe 2nd- I typed "Digimon Stories" into Google and was delighted to find stories about my favorite show. I was so little I didn't totally understand how to navigate websites, and thought you just got 20 random stories every day, so you can imagine my :D when I discovered the "next" button and how to use the search feature lol. I don't remember my first fic exactly, but I wrote it after the movie came out and it was some insane Digimon crack fic lol.

I just really wanted to make up my own stories about my favorite stories, and I've always had an affection for plucky guys I felt got done wrong by fandom and wanted to do better to make people understand why I loved them so much- I wrote fanfic about Davis from Digimon and Boromir from LOTR. The only fic I left up on FFnet was an HP fic that I might port over to AO3 and revise, and maybe finish or at least add authors notes of my outline, because I do mostly like what I had, but for Obvious Reasons have not been super motivated to write for that fandom in recent years lol.

💡How many WIPs do you currently have?

Oooh okay, a lot of things in the hopper, let me categorize:

Actively Working On

Truly unhinged Hawnk fic for kinktober kfkfkfk

The Courage To Be

Star Wars fic 'Resolute'

Actively Pondering/Nibbling On

CharHawk Fake Dating

HouliHawk role play fail

Two age play fics that are similar in tone, one CharHawk and one Hawkahy- not sure if either will get finished, but don't think I'll write both, so pondering options

Hawkeye "turns into a cat" gen fic

Hawkeye Goes To California and BJ Goes To Maine at the same time without telling the other and swap lives for about two weeks.

Two post-war fics, one that is a sequel to Making the Most of It and one that's more focused on Daniel and Hawkeye's relationship, although BJ and Trapper are both there. Pretty distinct, but with enough overlap I need to pick one to prioritize to make sure I don't write too similar of scenes between them.

Soft Hibernation

The next part of my Rescue Bots fic- I know what the next bit will be, touched the doc last month, but not actively working on it

Under the Banner of Heaven case fic/undercover in a gay bar fic. Haven't worked on this in a few months, but I still really like the idea

Hibernation

X-Men Band AU. Been over a year since I worked on it, although I have a pretty good outline for a lot of what needs writing

1920s X Men AU. Soft abandoned, I remember some of my ideas for this but don't think I'll write it.

Succession KenStewy fic. I have some scenes and an outline, but it's hard to get in these assholes (affectionate) POV...

Captain America Clone Fic I haven't touched in almost a decade now god help me. Functionally abandoned but I still think on it occasionally kgkdjdkd.

🔮 Any advice for writers working through burnout or writer’s block?

Keep pondering, keep nibbling, and don't be afraid to shelve an idea and come back to it later. Fanfic is supposed to be for fun after all lfkdjjd

I have found it helpful to make the world's worst outline to act as a kind of checklist document and help connect scenes of I get stuck at one point and need to skip ahead a little.

I also like to try and focus on an emotional vibe to carry the fic, which helps get in the characters head so I can get in that trance state where the little guys are Doing Things and I just have to write it down kfjdjf. Sometimes I have an idea I like but it takes some pondering to find an emotional angle to connect with the character that makes sense as to why they are Doing The Plot, so nailing that angle before I commit to writing helps...

If I start getting bogged down in research I do the "five link" rule, where I only let myself read five things about the topic, try and cobble together enough of an explanation to pass a sniff test, then move on kgkrkrkdj

Also with skipping, the Sticking Point comes when I get too far ahead and then lose motivation for the part I was writing. Trying desperately to avoid this with my two multi-parters rn jdkdjd. Only letting myself write one or two scenes ahead helps a little...

#thank you for the ask ❤️❤️❤️

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nicoline1998enilocin · 11 months

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Yours, Forever | Chapter 3

PAIRING | Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader

WORD COUNT | 5K

SUMMARY | Y/N goes to lunch with Tony to discuss his offer, but meets someone she didn't expect to see. When she is invited to the party of the year that Tony is hosting, she gets one of the worst panic attacks she has had in years, but luckily she has Tony, Pepper, her dad and Bucky on her side to make sure she will be allright.

WARNING(S) | This is your official trigger warning. Do not proceed if any of these topics upset you. Swearing, multiple mentions of an abusive relationship (physical, emotional and sexual abuse), mention of suicide and the loss following after that, anxiety/panic attack.

A/N | Hi everyone, thank you so much for reading my first ever fic! I would like to start off by saying that English isn’t my first language (I’m Dutch after all 😉) so every mistake you find – spelling or otherwise – is completely my own. I would appreciate you spreading the love about this fic, and I ofcourse hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Likes and reblogs will be very much appreciated 💜

Main Masterlist | Bucky Barnes Masterlist | Series masterlist | Chapter 2 | Chapter 4

Y/N just got off the elevator and walked into the hallway where Tony's office is located, and somehow all she can think about right now is the man she shared the elevator ride with. His deep voice still bouncing around in her head taking over every thought she had. Those deep blue eyes are still looking at her walk away, and enjoying the slight sway in her hips, up until the moment that the elevator doors close again. 'Oh my fucking god, did I really just share an elevator ride with the most beautiful man on earth?!' is all she can think, and she is so deep in thought that she doesn't notice someone is walking towards her, and bumps into him.

''I'm so sorry!'' she said frantically when she walked right into Captain America himself, and she can't help but put her hands on his chest in order to steady herself. Once she realizes what happened, she pulled her hands away and her face turned almost as red as her lipstick as she sees who she bumped into. ''I- I- I'm so s-sorry Captain, I didn't m-mean to bump into you...'' Y/N started but could barely get the words out of her mouth because she was absolutely star struck. 'WHO BUMPS INTO CAPTAIN FUCKING AMERICA?!' she thinks to herself. ''It's okay, I wasn't watching where I was going either,'' he said, apologizing too.

''Are you meeting Tony? Well, I wish you a lot of luck then!'' he said with a chuckle. ''Why does everyone keep saying that? It's just Tony, we've been friends for a decade and he's one of the sweetest people I know...'' Y/N said softly, not sure why everyone keeps talking about her best friend like that. Maybe they don't see how amazing he is, and how loving he can be, how he can crack the silliest jokes and make everyone laugh so hard their bellies hurt. ''Oh god, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to offend you! I didn't know you're friends with him, I was just trying to crack a joke to lighten the mood a little after bumping into you!'' Steve said quickly and he turned red too. ''I have to go now, but I hope you have a good lunch!'' he said en quickly walked away to where he was going in the first place.

Once she reached Tony's office - still a little early - she knocks on his office door and when he says to come in, she opens the door and pokes her head around the door with a big smile. ''Hey Stark, do you have time for some lunch?'' she said and walked up to her best friend, who happily stood up to give her a big hug. ''For you I have all the time in the world honey, you know that!'' he said and he takes the food out of her hands when they let go of each other. ''My god, I am absolutely starving, so I hope you brought enough for a whole army.'' Tony said with a hungry look in his eyes when he grabbed the take out boxes out of the bags. ''Maybe not for a whole army, but definitely enough to last for a while.'' Y/N said.

They enjoy their lunch together, and when they were in the middle of their conversation about her dad's bakeries and how it's going, they get interrupted by Steve. ''I'm sorry to interrupt your conversation, but can I just talk to you real quick Tony? Alone?'' he said, with an apologetic look in his eyes towards Y/N. ''Oh, I realize I forgot to introduce myself earlier, I'm Steve Rogers.'' he said when he turned to Y/N with an outstretched hand. She gladly takes it and introduces herself; ''Hi, I'm Y/N Y/L/N, Tony's best friend and future lawyer.'' she says with a wink. Steve looks impressed and turns to Tony again, with a bit of urgency in his face now. ''I really need to talk to you though, Tony, so can we step outside for a minute?''

''No, everything you have to say to me, can be said in front of Y/N, we don't have any secrets for each other. Right honey?'' he said with a soft look towards Y/N. ''Right.'' she says softly. ''It's a good thing I know you're married, otherwise I would be thinking you're flirting with her!'' Steve said, and he talking about the reason he was actually in Tony's office in the first place. It was about an upcoming mission with HYDRA, and he wasn't sure he should let Bucky go on that mission, seeing his past and all. There have been some developments in the case that worried him for his best friends sake. ''What do you think Tony, can we let Bucky sit this one out? He has been through enough already.'' Steve said with a sad look in his eyes.

''Allright, he can stay behind, but I'm not responsible if he breaks anything because he's angry that he has to stay, he's your responsibility Capsicle.'' Hearing the nickname for Steve made Y/N chuckle, even though they were in a serious conversation. They both looked at her, but didn't mind it. ''Okay, I'll go tell him. Thanks Tony. It was nice to meet you, Y/N. I hope to see you around again.'' Steve said before walking away to have the dreaded conversation with Bucky. ''Really? Capsicle?'' she said and a big wave of laughter followed filling the office with it. ''Yeah.'' is all he said with a straight face, making Y/N only laugh harder. ''As much as I'd love to laugh at his nickname, we both know that's not why I'm here.'' she said, steering the conversation towards the offer he made last night.

''You're right. Like I said yesterday, I would absolutely love for you to come work for me as my lawyer, but I also want to hire you as head of the legal department of S.I. if you're interested. I understand that it is a lot of responsibility and a lot of work, but you will ofcourse have your own assistant to help you with it. This way you will be more involved with the company that you've indirectly helped to build to the point where it is today, by supporting me through all of it.'' Tony said as he paced around his office. ''You don't have to give me an answer right away, but I would like to know as soon as possible, so I can make all the arrangements necessary in order to be ready for you to start working here.'' he continued.

She thought about his offer for a little bit, but she discussed it with her dad a little bit yesterday, and the two of them agreed it would be a good thing if she said yes. She's already familiar with Tony and S.I., so that would all work in her favor. That made the decision very easy, and she said yes right away. ''Tony, I'd do anything for you as you know, and this is no exception. It'd be my honor to come work as your lawyer and for S.I. after I pass the bar.'' she said. She got up from her chair and towards Tony and she took his face into her hands so they could look into each others eyes. ''There is nothing I would love more than to take this opportunity.'' she said with a confidence she didn't even know she possessed until this moment. Tony looked relieved and took her into his arms again for a hug, which she happily took and she squeezed him a little bit to let him know how much she loves him.

At that moment, Pepper walks in and says with a cheeky smile ''If I didn't know you, Y/N, I'd think you were trying to take my husband away from me!'' and she embraces her into a hug as well. ''Hi Pepper, don't worry about that, I have my hands full already with him and I'm not the one he's married to!'' she returned the joking. ''How's the pregnancy going? Still having horrible morning sickness?'' Y/N asked Pepper, who was expecting her first child with Tony. Y/N was one of the first people to know about it, since she was so close to both of them, and she couldn't be happier for them. They deserve the world and more, and this has been Tony's dream for as long as she can remember. Ever since he met Pepper, he hasn't shut up about her and how he would marry her one day, and have children with her.

''It's still there, but I'm just glad it's more bearable now, it's not as bad as it used to be. I can finally leave the house again and bother my lovely husband again at work, so I'm happy as can be.'' she said with a wink at Tony, who rolled his eyes at her. ''Glad to hear it, I'm still so happy for you guys, I still can't believe I'm gonna be an aunt in a few months!'' she said softly, not a lot of people know about the pregnancy yet. ''You're gonna be the best aunt the baby will ever see, honey,'' Tony said and he looked at Pepper with complete adoration in his eyes, he practically worships the ground she walks on now that she's pregnant, even more than before.

''Oh, before I forget, have you invited her to the masquerade ball already?'' Pepper asks Tony, and he shakes his head. ''I was just about to do that, but ofcourse you had to barge in and ruin the moment!'' he says playfully. He kisses Pepper and pours all of his love for her and their baby in it, and Y/N is so happy for them, but she has to look away as the kiss seems to deepen way faster than she would care to admit. She clears her throat and Tony comes up for air, giving Pepper a few more pecks before sending her on her way again. ''So... a masquerade ball you say? What is it for?'' Y/N asks, already knowing Tony is going all out just like all of his other parties.

''Yes, a masquerade ball. I know it is unusual, but it is going to be the biggest party of the year, to celebrate the great year we had here at S.I., and to celebrate you coming to work for us as well. It is a great way to network, and get to know some of your future colleagues. If you want to you can bring a date, but you can also come with me and Pepper if that's what you prefer.'' Tony knows she isn't seeing anyone, or are interested in seeing anyone right now to begin with, especially since her last relationship was very abusive. She barely managed to escape after telling Tony about it, even though she wasn't aloud to have contact with anyone that her ex didn't approve first. Needless to say, all men - including Tony and her dad - were not approved, and if she tried to get into contact with any of those people, she would get physically or emotionally abused. She was also sexually abused a lot in the relationship, as her ex said he could just do whatever he wanted to her whenever he wanted, and if she said no he would just make it worse and worse.

Tony helped her get out of the relationship and she stayed with him and Pepper for about 2.5 years, when she finally was able to venture out into the world on her own again. They never made a problem out of it, as they both loved her to no end. ''Actually, is it okay if I bring my dad along? I know he would love to be there to support you, you're basically his son after all!'' she asked. ''I'd love to have him there honey, I'll let Pepper know. She'd be delighted to see him again, but if that's the case he should bring along a lot of cookies for her!'' Tony said laughing, and Y/N agreed. ''I will make sure you and your dad will have something to wear, you don't have to worry about money or anything like that, I want to do this for both of you. As long as the two of you are there, I'm happy.'' he said.

Y/N told her dad about the masquerade ball and the fact that Tony would love for him to be there, and he immediately made arrangements to make sure he could be there to support Tony. The two of them got fitted with a beautiful dress, and the nicest suit they had ever seen, both in the same matching emerald green color that complimented the both of them very well. Y/N also got some silver jewellery to go along with it, consisting of 3 simple rings, silver dangling earrings and a small necklace with a little honey pot on there, as a reference to her nickname. When she opened the necklace she immediately showed it to her dad, and they both laughed at the reference there. They both got a black mask, Y/N's mask was made of an intricate lace pattern, but it was made in a way that her eye look would absolutely steal the show, and her dad got a simple black mask to go along with hers.

~ The evening of the masquerade ball ~

Y/N put on her dress, which was an emerald green floor length dress made of velvet with slits up both her legs that ended about halfway around her thighs. The top was simple with a corset built into it, and some fabric draped across her arms, just below her shoulders and it showed just enough cleavage to be a little daring, but classy at the same time. She combined it with the jewellery Tony got her, and a dark eyeshadow look that had the same green in it as her dress. She finished it off with her curls loose and simple black heels. Her dad wore the suit with a simple black button-up shirt and an emerald green bowtie, his fluffy hair a little messy, but still looking good. He paired it with a pair of shiny black shoes, and his wedding ring from when he got married to Y/N's mom, which he hasn't worn until today. It was a special occasion, so this was a perfect way to have her there as well.

When they are ready, the car that Tony had sent to pick them up was standing in front of their house. They got in the car and looked at each other with some healthy nerves, they weren't used to this at all, especially since they had such simple lives back in the Netherlands. Tony had invited them to parties before, but never one that was as lavish as this one, so they decided to just enjoy every last bit of it and go along with everything Tony had planned. They arrived at the Avengers Tower where the party was held, and once they got out of the car they saw the red carpet and paparazzi standing there, a few people walking over it and posing already. ''I should've known Tony would do this!'' Y/N said to her dad, and they both laughed.

They walked up to the red carpet and as soon as they were on there, photos were taken of the two of them together, but also seperately. Once Tony spotted Y/N he came up to the two of them with Pepper, both of them saying how beautiful Y/N and her dad were looking tonight. They also posed for some photo's with the four of them, and Tony posed with some photo's with just Y/N, arguing that he had almost no photo's of just the two of them so they had to change that. When that was done, she noticed the dress Pepper was wearing, and that see could see how it hugged her body perfectly, highlighting her pregnant belly. This meant they told everyone by now, and they couldn't be happier.

Tony, Pepper and her dad walked into the party after Y/N excused herself when she saw Steve on the red carpet, she would love to talk to him again after they had run into each other a few more times since their first meeting. She waited at the end of the red carpet and all of a sudden she noticed who he was with, the same beautiful guy she shared an elevator with when she saw Tony a while ago. He was wearing a navy blue suit, a black button up shirt and simple black mask, similar to the one her dad was wearing. His long hear was slicked back into a bun on the back of his head, and it made Y/N's thoughts go crazy. She thought about running her fingers through his hair, tugging on it when he was worshipping her between the sheets. She hadn't thought about anyone like that since her last relationship, so she thought this really had to be a sign, but she didn't want to take it too fast, she has only seen him once before.

''Steve, hey!'' Y/N said, when the two of them got off the red carpet. ''Oh my fucking god Y/N, it really is illegal for you to look this amazing tonight. I can assure you that you are by far the most beautiful women here tonight!'' Steve said walking up to her and giving her a hug. She was never much of a hugger, but since she met Tony it became more normal to hug people she had bonded with. ''You are looking amazing as well Steve, just like your boyfriend here.'' Y/N said shyly, and her cheeks crawled with a red color when she said it. 'Ofcourse the guy I have the biggest a crush on is gay, what else is new?!' she thought to herself. ''Wait, you think he is my boyfriend? He should be so lucky!'' Steve said laughing at what she said right before. ''No, he's not gay, it's just me who likes guys.'' Steve said with a wink, and a wave of relief washed over Y/N.

''I'm so sorry I accused you of being gay, I shouldn't have done that!'' Y/N said turning to the other man. ''Oh, it's okay, I'm used to it by now. I hear it a lot since we're pretty close. He's been my best friend for as long as I can remember now.'' he said with the same deep voice that sends shivers down her spine, just like the first time they met. ''But Steve is absolutely right, it is not legal for you to look this beautiful,'' he said with a shy smile on his face. ''Are you here with anyone?'' he asked. ''Actually I am, Tony invited both me and my dad, especially since he's basically the son he never had. They have such an amazing bond, I just love seeing how happy they make each other.'' Y/N said, mentioning the bond they build since Tony's parents passed away a few years ago.

''Well, he has to be the luckiest guy here tonight, getting to celebrate with his beautiful daughter!'' Steve said, and he motioned for them to go inside. ''It was nice seeing both of you again, I'm gonna look for my dad, Tony and Pepper before they think I've been kidnapped!'' she said with a genuine laugh, and she winked at the guy with the blue suit. Once she finds them, she says she ran into Steve and tells them the embarrassing story of thinking he was here with his boyfriend, who just turned out the be his best friend. They all laugh, and just when Tony was about to tell her about who the mysterious man was, he got called away for his speech.

Once Tony was on the stage, he started his speech, ''First of all, I want to thank each and every one of you for being here tonight, seeing that it is going to be a special night. We will be saying goodbye to some of our most trusted workers who are going to live a life outside of Stark Industries in retirement, and we're gonna welcome some new faces as well, who will be joining us in our journey to make S.I. even better than it already is.'' he said, Y/N looked at her dad and gave a bit of a nervous smile. ''Before we do all of that though, I would like to call three people to the stage, who deserve an extra bit of thanks, after everything they have done for me, for all of you, for S.I., and they make this world a better place.'' he continued.

''The first person I would love to call up to the stage, is my beautiful wife and partner in crime, Pepper Potts. She had been my rock through everything, both good and bad, and hasn't left me yet which says a lot about her I'd say!'' and the crowd erupted in laughter while she entered the stage to stand next to her husband. Next up, is a man who I am glad came into my life when he did, because he is such an amazing person, who stepped up when I had nobody left after my parents passed away. I am talking about Will Y/L/N, my bonus-dad who basically adopted me into the family when I was at rock bottom. But there is one person who I absolutely can not forget tonight, because she would hate me if I did, and we can't have that, now can we?! She has been my best friend for a decade now, and I am the luckiest guy in the universe to have gotten the chance to meet her. My life got turned completely upside down when she moved in next door all those years ago, and we have been inseperable ever since, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Y/N, please come up here and join your dad, Pepper and myself for some applause, which is the least you guys deserve for everything you have done for me and Stark Industries.'' he finished and she walked towards the stage.

Just when she was about to get up the steps to the stage, she felt a strong hand on her arm, and she reached out to grab his hand and be guided onto the stage. She looked over and looked right into Bucky's eyes, and she gave a shy smile to him and whispered a thank you to him before looking back to her dad, Tony and Pepper on the stage. She didn't see him there when she walked up, but he must've been standing there all this time, there was no way he could've run all the way to the stage just to help her, right?! She wondered. When she was on the stage there was a loud applause as she first hugged her dad, then Pepper and last but not least, her best friend, Tony. He guided her to stand on his other side, so he was standing in between the two ladies.

''Now that we have Y/N right here on stage, it seems like the perfect moment to make an announcement. Some of you know that she recently graduated from Harvard Law, and she will soon be doing the test to pass the bar here in New York in order to become a practicing lawyer. As soon as she passes it, she will be coming to work for S.I. as the new head of the legal department, as well as my personal lawyer!'' he stated and waited for the applause to die down. Y/N got almost as red as her lipstick again when she looked over to the side of the stage and saw Bucky applaud for her with a huge smile on his face. In the crowd she found Steve doing the same thing, and he also whistled loudly on his fingers to show how proud he is. Despite all this she couldn't stop the huge smile that was forming on her face.

It was time to enjoy the party and after hugging Tony and Pepper again for a little while, she went up to her dad with tears in her eyes. ''Sunshine, what's wrong?!'' he asks her with a concerned look in his eyes, his eyes furrowed as he took her face in his hands. ''I just can't stop thinking about how much I want mom right now, I would really love to see how proud she is of me right now, but I can't and I hate that! I don't hate her obviously, but I just hate feeling like this...'' she said and her dad walked her off the stage, Tony guided them to a room for a little privacy before placing a small kiss on her temple and leaving the two of them to talk. ''I understand Y/N, I miss her more every single day, it never gets easier to live without her. But we must remember that she would be the proudest person in this entire room, even prouder than Tony, Pepper and me combined! Remember what she used to say? 'You're mine forever, sunshine, and I'll be yours, forever!' That is still true to this very day, and it will never not be true. She loved you so incredibly much and she would absolutely be the proudest mother to ever exist, she already was!'' her dad said through his own tears streaming down his face.

''I know dad, and I know it is selfish to wish she didn't kill herself, but on moments like this I just want my mom back! There is nothing else I want more than to hug mom again, to hear her say how proud she is of me, and that I can do this! Because right now it doesn't feel like I can, it feels like I can't keep going like this dad...'' she is sobbing into his arms and her knees give way and she falls to her knees, taking him with her. She has a heavy feeling in her chest, not being able to breathe again, it feels like her lungs are filled with water and she can't come up to breathe, all she can do is cry and she doesn't know what to do. Her dad let's her go for just a little while and says he's going to get some help, and he'll be back soon.

Bucky saw what was happening on the stage and was worried when Tony took Y/N and her dad to a room outside of the party, and he couldn't help himself when he saw her dad running into the party and looking for Tony to get some help. He walked into the direction he heard crying from and found Y/N on the floor crying with her hands clutched to her chest in the middle of a big panic attack. He sits down in front of her and wraps his arms around her in order to sooth her a little bit. Y/N feels his arms and only starts to cry harder, letting out all the pent up emotion from her mom, the move, college, her abusive relationship, everything she had bottled up for years.

She doesn't hear anything around her, not knowing what is happening as all she can think about is this panic she is feeling, the anxiety she feels in her chest and in her head. Tony picked her up and she clamped onto him around his neck like he is her last life line. Tony walks her and her dad to an empty bedroom in the compound that is currently not occupied and he sits down on the bed with her in his arms, while her dad is trying to calm her down a little bit by rubbing her back and softly talking to her. They both have tears in their eyes from seeing Y/N in such distress, the last time she was like this was when she escaped after an especially bad episode her abusive ex had, where he punched her almost into unconciousness before sexually abusing her.

After what felt like hours and hours, she finally calmed down but wasn't able to speak, since her throat was completely raw from the crying and screaming she has done in her panic attack. She had fallen asleep in Tony's arms when he held her close when she was sitting in his lap, his heartbeat slowly pulling her back to reality when she was able to focus on that. Pepper came by after Bucky told her what had happened and she was looking for Tony. She walked into the room and immediately knew what was going on, and without asking questions she kissed Tony on his head and brought a glass of water for when Y/N had calmed down. She knew that Tony needed to be with her for now, Tony would contact her as soon as he could. During the night Bucky also checked up on them a few times, seeing how he couldn't sleep after finding her in such distress like that. He had to make sure she was okay. Her dad went home to get her anxiety medicine, and a change of her own clothes for when she would be ready to get changed, as well as her toiletries bag so she could get freshened up. He even brought her glasses, so she didn't have to bother with putting in contact lenses and just could wear those.

The sun started to come up and the party was already over when Y/N came back into the normal world again, not the dream world she floated into in Tony's arms after the panic attack. Tony didn't sleep much and as soon as she woke up, he woke up as well. ''Hey honey, how are you doing? Got some rest?'' he asked in a soft voice, but Y/N couldn't respond because of her sore throat. She just nodded a little, and slowly looked around and saw her stuff was here, even though she didn't know where she was at this moment. ''You're in the Avengers Compound, you had a very bad panic attack last night. I have been here with you all night, your dad is at home and he brought some comfy clothes, your glasses and stuff to take a shower for you to freshen up. A small smile appeared on Y/N's face as a form of a thank you, and Tony just placed a kiss on her forehead.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky fanfic #bucky x female reader #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes

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