#gonna go write in my diary i think

[groupwest]

gaaahh. home from work and my feet huurts

#pretending to be a real person is horrible. rly need a break from it all… urgh #gonna go write in my diary i think

[kavennnn]

coil ch

edit: tumblr stole half of my tags so i put a bad version of the second half of what i was trying to say in my notes :( sorry

#magic and mystery #m&m coil #this one was actually sweet tho #kinda mad that lockhart's getting any credit at all but what can ya do #i think i would be more destroyed if blaise actually killed him #hhow tf did he actually find the chamber tho??? #like what could make you guess there??? #i hope that gets answered #cant remember how he found out in the hp books either #think he followed them????? maybe??? #but he took too long to have followed them in coil i think.. so idk #but it was an incredibly sweet ending #and i like that we got to see ginny's love for chaos form #if allegory writes another year then that year will be insane #especially w/ percy and pansy now in the gang too ??!! #man the gang is going #and again i predicted since early coil that by the end of coil pansy would join the gang #i believed in her #dad snape is back again and thank god too #obviously the pm is gonna mess w/ their relationship #but yk #him getting his name cleared and not being able to do anything abt it im happy but worried abt him going home #how are they even gonna end the year off??? will snape pomfrey and mcgonagall rlly let him go home #theyre gonna have too right?? #also the diary is still in play and im concerned #but for now we have a ch ending on a nice note #ALSO I FINALLY GOT MY BLAISE POV ID BEEN CALLING FOR AWHILE NOW #surprised it took this long and that it didnt address things i thought it would #it was good and it made since for him to be thinking like that in the moment #but i rlly want him to atleast address pansy's arm getting broken eventually

[mercymaker]

had a dream i was on a date with gale of all people and he kept trying to sneakily kiss me all like "it would be crazy if we kissed... unless? 😳"

idk why but everything felt so awkward, i think because i thought i was a sorcerer (channeling inner mal i guess? hdkskfls) and didn't know how to bring it up

but then i just asked how often he uses magic in his daily life and that got me an insanely lengthy demonstration. he was so happy flexing on me jfksksl

#dream diary #mayhaps it is truly a sign of the end of days #i was so fired up to write and create last night since i finally finished something #but today i feel like a deflated balloon #gonna go to the garden store and then have tea with my girlies on the terrace #but i've been thinking about going on a hiatus ngl 💀 so i'll think about that #idk.. just starting to feel like a content-producing machine instead of a human artist #and that's noooot a good feeling

[twilight-skies]

DOES ANYONE COOL HAVE BLUESKY I WANNA FOLLOW PEOPLE

#mutuals #gonna tag as many of my fandoms as I can think of let’s go— #Minecraft diaries #hermitcraft #traffic life #dream smp #star wars #the clone wars #atla #tlok #mcu #mlp #the dragon prince #writing advice #bluesky

[running-in-the-dark]

the thing is. I've said many times that it'd probably be better if I didn't post on here so much, especially when I'm not doing so great. it does not feel good. but. when I don't, it just all stays inside my head and it feels so much worse for far longer, so I really just don't know how I would cope without this.

#I mean I used to write in my diary instead. but it's not the same. it's like talking to myself which is like thinking which is the whole #damn problem in the first place #I can't bother my friends every time I feel like shit because it happens so much #and they don't get it #except my best friend but I already message them too much and they have their own shit going on #it's either this or lie in bed imagining [current blorbo] and talking it all out with them and basically just. daydreaming therapy. #but that tends to not be great because then I get stuck and don't want to do anything else because I'd rather be there forever. #which. idk but it doesn't feel that healthy to me. #I juuust want to be normal it's all I want it's all I've ever wanted #and then people say being weird is good and they love me for who I am and it's so so sweet and lovely but. I don't mean that. I mean I feel #like I'm insane and there's something wrong with my brain and it's not the fun quirky bits that people love about me. it's the never ending #constant relentless bad thoughts that I can't make go away OR even the good ones really. like I'm. so fucking obsessed right now and all I #want is to think about Dan and Jenkins but if I'm not careful it takes over everything and I. can not stop. #so. yeah I'm. not gonna leave because I can't and I don't really want to and I'm sorry because that means I'll have to keep posting #dumb shit like this every time my brain gets stupid #😭

[killerandhealerqueen]

First case/three chapters of my Killer and Healer Apothecary Diaries au fic is done! Very exciting! Now all I need to do is focus on working on my Killer and Healer rewrite so that I can get the next chapter out by Halloween

#sass talks #sass talks about her writing #Killer and Healer #apothecary diaries au #i'm very happy with how the first three chapters turned out #i think this au is going to be a lot of fun #just like my spy x family au was #this is gonna be good #look forward to when i post it!

[boomerang109]

what if capitalism is making the one job i thought was possible for me feel unattainable not because i haven’t literally been doing it since age 13 but because it’s not well paid enough so until you get into a higher position you have to work multiple jobs and i knew that i always knew that but. fuck. why is adulting going to be so exhausting. what if this really is the best time of my life? being a depressed college student? what if it’s downhill from here?

#I love my quiet getting high nights cause they let me unlock my thoughts #i HATE my quiet getting high nights cause they let me unlock my thoughts #like bestie I was just watching critical role why did I pause it to write this down #anyway in other news I have a ten hour tech day and I’m ✨scared✨ #technically it’s nine and a half though because they moved the call by a whole half hour #and honestly I’m going to get breakfast for meal swipes so I might end up being late cause breakfast doesn’t open until 10 #but like fuck if I’m gonna try to make food here #I want to pack my bag tonight but also I just laid down after doing dishes and I’m exhausted #I’ve had such a long day too I had two normal classes (one of which I basically led the class. I interviewed two professionals in front of #the whole class. FUCK I probably need to send them a thank you email. that’s gonna be a tmrw issue or I might draft hifh but like not sendin #but anyway after that I had one hour for lunch and then three hour lab which was fun!! because we went ride pooling but like we walked a #shit ton and in the sun #oh and my roommates must’ve forgotten I come with today cause they left me behind (which is totally fine cause I didn’t get up but it did #mean I had to catch the on campus transport and that takes forever and so I was late to meet my friend for breakfast and dining hall was #closed so I had to get food elsewhere which literally cost the same as the dining hall in the morning which is dumb but it took waaay longer #anyway hifh boom takes tumblr diary entries too seriously idk why I channeled my whole life into this post lmao #i think it’s cause I’m self-isolating HARD (despite being fairly social at the moment? it’s a surprisingly cool balancing act im pulling off #quite well as a busy bee) so I felt the need to pretend to have human connection without actually breaking my self-imposed isolation lmao #boom blogs high

[supercantaloupe]

my poor body. she does not work so good

#you don't. have to read all these tags. in fact i don't think you should tbh i'm just writing in my diary here. getting very tmi in here rn #i wanna talk about me #gonna try and see if i can get an appt with a new doc tomorrow #because as much as i want to see ANOTHER doctor like i want a hole in my head. i and my mom think it would be good #to see an internist for some more personalized care for my Horrors #cause y'know. i've been pretty happy with my endo for a while now but i just haven't had any improved results in a year or two from them #and their advice is just always. diet and exercise diet and exercise diet and exercise #which is vague and impersonal and unhelpful #it's frustrating. i just want someone to tell me what's going on and how and why we're doing what we're doing #i don't need to be skinny (i'm never gonna be skinny.) i don't need to be an athlete #i just want to feel okay and make sure my body isn't going to poison itself over time #well anyway. hoping i can make a first appointment within the next couple of months #i'm seeing my new obgyn next month...will definitely be asking about my hospital visit yesterday. #i know ovarian cysts can happen and rupture in anyone and aren't necessarily correlated to pcos but #knowing i've got the latter makes me really nervous about the former happening again #and if it happened while i'm already being treated. i think it might be time for a change of treatment...

[born-to-lose]

In my depressed era again <3

#for literally no reason ugh i hate it i hate it i hate it #probably a bad mix of overthinking and lovesickness again but what's new #i figured out why i like to do stuff until late at night until i fall asleep lol it's because i don't wanna be left alone with my thoughts #i guess that's why i could go such a long time without you know what... i always had lots of schoolwork to do and didn't have much time to- #-think about this kind of shit and once i don't have anything to do anymore i found myself in bed with a bleeding arm lmao #also let's call this my 'everyone i know hates me and my best friends despise me the most' era #still gonna stay up two more hours because i'm like a damn puppy who waits excitedly for their favorite person to come home from work #at this point i should maybe write all this shit in a diary but like. you know how my rambling posts start so y'all can just ignore #tldr i'm feeling like shit and i can't promise that i won't do something stupid again #i'm just too hung up on things that happened weeks ago but like what if it isn't actually ok now #also i know i'm too clingy and possessive with people i'm really close to but it's just my abandonment issues :( #and i know i fucked things up with other people (friendships and relationships) way too many times so i'm putting all i have into this one #still i feel like it's too much and too little at the same time idk i just Know when i really like someone and then i don't wanna lose them #but at the same time i often drive them away with my excessive love and attention because certain people are like some addiction to me #ok no that's too much already for now sorry #anyways i'm sobbing and shaking and feeling terrible and guilty #oh and unrelated but i nearly got run over by a car today 👍🏻 fucking hate drunk small town students in a mcd's parking lot #mel talks #tw self harm

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#dear diary. im sad again wah #agh not sad exactly. just brain fog. i can't focus and im so tired but i haven't even done anything #like ive done not that much this weekend. which sucks bc ive got so much to do. #i didnt even draw too much today bc i was so out of focus. i dont even kno what i did today #i think ive just kinda been laying here since like 4 or 5 and its almost 9 now #so idk. i wish i could control my attention and make it do things #ugh ill try to work on campus tomorrow. at least until 1 when i have to meet a guy abt a phd position #but i feel like im gonna die on campus bc there r ppl there :-( but i cant focus here either #everything's just foggy. i dont kno it might help if i met with my boss so we could talk abt things that need to get done #but idk i dont really have to. im afraid shes gonna tell me she never got the data i sent her at 3am bc she never sent it back #and then im gonna cry. but whatever #next week were going out to the field again. for a week. gathering more samples thst will kill me later #so i might freak out again. but its not as far a drive this time. and the other person were going with knows me fairly well #im not sure if thats a good thing or a bad thing. ugh. #maybe i should banish myself from tumblr until i actually get things done. thst will increase my suffering but might shorten the duration #blah. i wish i could read. or focus. that would make reading papers less terrible #idk what im even gonna do tomorrow. program a thing. write some stuff. continue to be sad and out of focus #too much thinking abt the future and stressing out abt picking a program to join when i haven't even been accepted yet #i mean. to b fair i got accepted to all the schools i applied to for my masters and i didnt kno shit back then #so i feel like if u have a masters the grad school is like: ok u kno how to do grad school ur in #bc grad school is fucking weird #but im like do i wanna do 3.5yrs in the uk on a riskier program or up to 5yrs in the us where the vibe feels more stable #but idk i havent even started writing for the scholarships and i feel like im too late to apply for one of them anyway bc its like jumping #thru 90 thousand hoops. so idk. idk. i have to create a project proposal 1st and idk what to do. #i mean i sorta kno but like i dont wanna sound dumb so agh. im tired #i want the perfect idea to come sweep me off my feet but i instantly start talking myself out of everything #ugh. actually i kno what happened. i got all excited on Thursday. like properly excited. which i dont like to do bc my mood bottoms out #afterwards. like this. that's why i dont get excited abt things. i keep myself at a stable neutral. a light misery if u will #hhhhhh so im rambling and procrastinating and sad. but tomorrow will b better bc Tomorrow i. will. focus. #unrelated

[pa-pa-plasma]

sorry for sending you an ask about this but i saw your tags on the warrior cats post about neutering and i just wanted to let you know that they actually do take away the cats balls, they leave the sack but the balls are what gets removed. eventually the sack shrinks and like goes away because of the lack of nuts inside. so i guess bluestar did know what she was talking about in the end

this is. literally what i said. also, i've had neutered male cats with balls (or a sack as you put it, i am using informal words here) that you can see. which is. where i'm getting my information from. btw.

so. Bluestar still had to have looked at a lot of kittypet ass very closely to figure this out.

plus, gonna reiterate, we should also consider that this series just isn't very well written. in all seriousness, as a writer myself, Warriors is a badly written series that should have ended over a dozen books ago, with authors who make shit up & don't bother to communicate with each other about their new headcanons & characterizations. not shitting on it (i love Warriors) but we should remember that there's like a million orange female cats & calico/tortie male cats, Graystripe's parents are siblings, & nothing actually killed Firestar on his last life, he just dropped dead randomly for the drama.

it's fun to speculate, but also Bluestar was just saying that shit about the cutter cuz of Rusty needing a final push to leave his twolegs. it was entirely for plot reasons & the authors never actually did research to make anything in this series accurate.

#sorry. i know the reading comprehension on this site is just. Like That. but this explanation is what i said #like. literally. #they leave the outside bit & you can still see it when a cat is neutered. it's just the inside bit that's removed #that's. what i said. just with informal wording. but i did like. clarify what i meant in those very tags #& i'm not gonna go take a pic of my cat's ass to prove it. i don't think he'd mind cuz he's got a brain the size of a peanut but still. #not doing that #just gonna chalk this one up to some ''how dare you say we piss on the poor'' shit or whatever #also idk if this is the same anon but there is a person who is sending me asks explaining things #which is cool but also like. not necessary. i rant in the tags about shit. it's just me screaming into the void ya know? #if i say something there's like a 90% chance i already know the answer to the question im asking or whatever #cuz i'll usually type ''wtf does that even mean'' & then look it up. if i don't know something #or figure it out myself via logic. like the top sheet one. i know what a top sheet is. i've just never heard someone call it that #i figured it out basically right away. i was just saying ''wtf is a top sheet'' because i'm complaining pointlessly. ya know? #sometimes i'm just complaining pointlessly. i don't expect anyone to actually read it & respond. i'm writing in my little diary #that's all

[southislandwren]

I worked 2 extra fucking hours today because my boss asked me to stay and help and he didn’t even say thank you. I’m done trying at that place I’m not appreciated one bit and I’m tired of going above and beyond for people who don’t even say thank you

#are we fucking preschoolers? or wait I said please and thank you in preschool. are we fucking toddlers? #that whole shift isn’t even enough to buy a Pokémon game. all that fucking effort and work and for WHAT #one trip to the gas station? two trips to the grocery store? #I haven’t had any breaks today. I’ve either had class or work or was writing a fucking essay. #I have to get up and go to class in 5 minutes and I’m sitting in 116 near hysterics because I’m fucking worn out #I haven’t eaten since 3:30pm YESTERDAY #I’m gonna get jimmy johns for dinner I think. the idea of doing dishes is going to push me over the edge #but that’ll be in a fucking hour and a half because of my stupid evening clsss #my stomach is growling SO loud this is gonna be really fucking embarrassing in class. #diary post #I’m so cranky right now I want to skip class but oh wait I had covid last week and I’ve skipped too much class recently! yay! #everything sucks and I want to go home

[fefairys]

i used to be such a sweetie online damn! i feel like i kind of repressed that part of me at some point for some reason :( because ill still feel like typing like that!!! with all exclamation points! like this!!

i think maybe it has to do with like... people thinking that ur not being sincere when u type like that? or just general cringe culture lmao i wonder when that change happened.. it was before i even changed my icon away from feferi i think?! because that wasnt that long ago that i changed it but i feel like ive been. typing as if i Dont Care About Anything for a while now. much to think about.

i should stop doing that and just type how i feel! damn!

#writing nlog makes me think a lot about my past <3 #and the way i used to be and how i am now and how much ive changed #pony is kind of in between my current self and my 16 yr old self attitude-wise (theyre 15 where im writing) #man i was gonna have them kin gamzee cause i thought it was funny but i cant even justify it SLDKDFDS like. why the fuck would they relate #to him #going back to using my blog as a diary like i used to as a teen <3 welcome to hell everyone!! 💖💖💖 #esp now that i can make posts unrebloggable hashtag win #personal #OH MY GOD YOU CAN EDIT TAGS #I JUST FOUND THAT OUT ON ACCIDENT SLDKFJDSLF #OKAY BYE I NEED TO WRITE STOP PROCRASTINATING

[patrioticshortbread]

the line between "i write everyday to practice" and "i write every day to cope with my internal teen suffering" is blurring

#i make art when im passionate and i write when im depressed #explains the 8 months i didnt make any art huh #i lost my muse what can i say #im a writer now #im gonna go to college for writing #im gonna be that guy #but i actually think im kinda good #maybe #i try #its just a digital diary #which is my entire digital footprint tbh #my writing #writer #writing #writers on tumblr #prose poetry #poem #poetry

[katsy-kitty]

holy shit I just did so much cleaning

I know my body will hate me tomorrow

I'll probably have to do heavy resting for the next few days

but I'm also proud of myself

but I have also entered my verbose era

and I don't know how to stop

it's 3:30 am and I'm still so hyper

if I don't fall asleep again, it's gonna be a bit of a problem

I don't like these insomnia bouts

#someone should stop me #please I should be sedated #or put down #preferably both in that order #no but seriously I'm doing fine #just need to chill a bit because omg I'm so much right now #aaaand again I have to start wondering if it's really wrong or if I'm just being too hard on myself again #but how can I know that #using tumblr as a personal blog like god intended #glad I live alone because no-one would stand this kind of dramatic over-the-top energetic vibe #I wouldn't want to put anyone else through that #I'm starting to think this belongs in my personal diary rather than here but fuck that this is easier to write than getting a pen and paper #who's gonna read it anyway no-one so who cares #but honestly I'm not bad #just unstable af but that's not wrong of me #gonna call it will graham kinning and go on with my life #so bye and have a good whatever period of day you're experiencing #if anyone's read this far holy fuck what are you doing why /pos #love you all

[toastsnaffler]

ohhhhh my god girl i don't careeeee

#love my roommate but urghhhh. sorry they dont make enough fictional female characters that interest u but u dont need to justify it to me #write your mlm its literally fine. sorry but ur not gonna gain my respect or approval by defending why u write more mlm than wlw #i dont care if u have equal amounts of each or not LOL we just have different tastes thats all there is to it #and I KNOOOOOOWWWW she writes femslash too im not denying that !!!!!! #most of my fav media is lesbian centric bc I have a strong connection to my identity as a dyke. so i gravitate towards things that explore- #that + complex relationships to gender + its social enforcement etcetc. and its easier for me to get attached to characters that i can- #connect with bc we have shared experiences or the world percieves us in similar ways or we percieve the world in similar ways etc #and shes said she DOESNT feel particularly attached to her sexuality in that way. so ofc shes not going to be looking for the same things- #in media and thats OKAY!! #literally have nothing against her writing gay men i like some fictional mlm relationships myself!! and its cool that she enjoys it #i just find it disappointing that we dont have much in common taste-wise bc thatd be more fun to talk abt #but thats why i come on tumblr dot com.. to talk abt fictional women w dykes who understand them like i do amen #and im happy to listen to her talk abt things she likes and projects shes clearly enjoying working on like thats awesome love to hear it #but sometimes its like shes trying to persuade me abt smth but theres nothing to persuade. i dont knooooow #like ik shes not trying to get me into her interests she already has plenty of friends who are. but theres no approval to win from me??? #i think im just annoyed bc i feel like i cant rly talk abt the things im into w her bc she disliked them so much #and also annoying to be around someone who shares an identity w me but is clearly more uncomfortable w it than i am #maybe thats not even true actually the real reason im annoyed is bc ive had a long and exhausting week and im coming down from- #my first day on new meds and im soooo so so tired have i sajd that already. and my head hurts #and i want a fucking hug and im just projecting my lack of physical and emotional intimacy onto her bc she happens to be the person i- #spend the most time with. but thats really unfair of me its not her fault or obligation at all. ah i just want to shower and sleeeepp #and tomorrow day 2 of meds im gonna get so much shit done!!!!!!!! i hope.. i wanna finish drafting my comic too teehee #wouldnt it be so crazy if now im medicated i might actually be able to start and finish projects i reallyyyy want to do.. #well i wont get my hopes up yet #anyway........ #another day another 5 million tag rambling post complaining abt everything. and dont expect me to ever stop 😚 #.diaries #literally why would i care abt the tastes of a girl whose fave character in tlt was naberius........ #she rly had to pick one of the ONLY men and not even one of the particularly interesting ones. and shes not even straight???? her loss 🙄