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miyosamu · 4 years

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Bokuto & Kenma with a boyfriend

Bokuto Koutarou

everyone on the team learned that bokuto has a thing for someone once they noticed how he got even livelier and more show off-y when certain people were in the crowd during their practices

so they went through a whole elimination process to figure out who it was

at first, they just looked at all the girls who’d often come to practice and if bokuto was acting show off-y even when they weren’t present then they’d get eliminated

and they kept doing this until they went through all the girls

and it was none of them

so they got ?????

and they did it again to double-check

same result

so then they were like o k let’s try it with the guys i guess lol lol

and bam

they found you

konoha knew you cuz you were in the same class as him so he was like holy shit does bokuto have a crush on y/n

so they kept an eye on you for a whole week and observed bokuto’s reaction to your presence/absence and there was no doubt that it was definitely you that he was crushing on

one day during their practice break konoha called you over to talk and bokuto imMEDIATLY perked up

‘konoha knows him?? what’s his name?? what’s their relationship? can he introduce us??’ a bunch of these thoughts went through his head

and while konoha was talking to you he was trying his best not to burst out laughing at bokuto hovering around over your shoulder trying to gauge if and when there would be a good time to insert himself into your conversation

you had just started coming to their practices recently after a friend of yours dragged you to one of their matches and despite you “not being into volleyball” you were totally hooked on watching fukurodani play

you were especially intrigued and impressed by a certain Loud Powerful Ace and so you had become addicted to bokuto’s energy during his plays

something about watching him play was very exciting and he just made you want to keep cheering him on

now

you said all this confiding in konoha

but he totally took it as a chance to drag bokuto into the convo being like ‘Yo ace !! y/n over here was totally touched by your plays’

and i swear to god you’ve never seen someone pop out of nowhere so quiCKLY before in your entire life

he just popped up by your side and he wAS ALL SPARKLY EYED AND EXCITED WITH A CUTE BLUSH ACROSS HIS CHEEKS

he was just as overwhelming talking to you as he was with his presence on the court.

honestly, you were hugely thrown off by how over-excited and slightly overbearing he was since you two didn’t technically know each other Like That

but his wholehearted energy and his obvious reverence to the game and just The Pure JOY he exhibited at what konoha said you said about him was just too wholesome you couldn’t help but be fond of him

and bam

that’s it after that bokuto just latched onto you whenever he could

always trying to get closer to you

and you obviously couldn’t reject his advances i mean come on look at him

and when you two finally got in a relationship

god

g o d

the way bokuto loves is so overabundant

it just swallows you whole

you can see it you can feel it

he loves in a way that’s so unrestrained he loves with every ounce of his energy it just pours out of him

he wears his heart on his sleeve more than anyone else

which makes your relationship simple yet complex at the same time

in the long run however, he really ruins other people for you

bokuto is the kind of boyfriend you’d find yourself comparing others to

like if your significant other doesn’t love you as much as bokuto would, are they really the one for you??

hmm much to think about

bokuto has a Huge Thing for you calling him koutarou

it just hits different

not a lot of people call him by his first name even amongst his bestest friends so it makes it feel ~extra special~ coming from you

he has another Huge Thing for you wearing his jersey, just seeing his fukurodani shirt with his number on it on you just hits all the right spots for him he finds it difficult to keep his hands to himself whenever you have it on.

it’s also such a motivational boost for him during matches

when he looks at the bleachers and sees you there wearing his spare jersey and smiling so brightly at him it just erases all of his doubts and clears all his fatigue making him feel rejuvenated

akaashi begs you to attend all their matches wearing that jersey now because you really level up his plays

when you two are alone he gets surprisingly quiet

which i think is not something people would often expect from someone as eccentric as bokuto but it’s true

at the end of the day when it’s just you and him his body totally relaxes, he’s not as reckless, he’s not as loud

he just likes to lay down with you and touch you in some way and just talk

bask in each other’s presence basically

one of his favorites Come Down rituals when the day’s over is to lay down and have you kiss his bruises (cuz he gets those a lot) and have you stroke his back as he rests his head on your chest

bokuto can be very vocal with his love towards you he has no issue telling you he loves you or conveying how much he adores you, but he actually prefers to show it through special gestures he attained over his time with you

before going to bed, he likes to kiss your chest right over the spot where your heart is and it’s his way of demonstrating how much he cherishes you

sometimes during the day, he’d tap the nearest part of you he could reach three times and it’s his way of reminding you “i love you”

and of course, if you ever wanted to hear those words out loud sometime, you can just tell him and he’d shower you for hours with the sincerest confessions

bokuto is not someone who can easily get genuinely angry

but if anyone were to make disgusting comments towards you and you guys’ relationship

oohhh boy

that’s one of the fastest ways to fucking set him ablaze

he WOULD resort to violence he has no issue decking someone in the face for being a homophobic prick

he prefers not to of course, considering his status and just the overall kind of person he is

but he has his limits too

and you are a limit no one is allowed to test.

which is something everyone came to learn fairly quickly

god this is getting so long

i just love bokuto so much i still have so much i wanna say about him ksdhfsjdfuhdf so many aspects of him i wanna cover

and i still have kenma to do jfc i have no idea what i’ll write for him

often times it seems like bokuto has an endless supply of energy and it fools a lot of people into thinking he’s a man with little struggles

which is Not True

he crashes quite often and he has mental breaks more than one would normally assume from someone like him

and during those times he has this weird phase where he gets extra clingy but then distances himself

and you have to work your way around that carefully and you have to think about what you’ll say cuz if what you say isn’t clear enough or if it’s something that could have double meaning it will throw bokuto off and make him think of the worst

as i said earlier, due to bokuto wearing his heart on his sleeve it does make the relationship simple but during times like these it makes it complex because of how sensitive he is

bokuto is extremely emotionally intelligent

he’ll pick up on any emotional cues from you

he’s especially aware of the ones that are along the lines of discomfort or distress

because it’s His Duty as your loving boyfriend to comfort you

be it with his words or with his hugs

speaking of which

bokuto, hands down, gives the best hugs

periodt

kisses from bokuto always border on make outs jdjcjd

he LOVES VERY STRONGLY AND WOULD LIKE TO SHOW IT VERY STRONGLY

so you have to ensure he doesn’t kiss you in public because it WILL take longer than it is socially acceptable to kiss your s/o in public

bokuto shows you off to everyone willing to listen

which, at this point, isn’t a lot of people but he’ll still do it

‘this is my sexy beautiful boyfriend and i love every bit of him look at him isn’t he the best? he’s the best trust me i know’

all in all

10/10 would date

totally worth it

best boyfriend

he adores you

kenma knew you through lev

you were lev’s best friend and so you were doing your obligatory duties as his best friend to show up to their matches and check up on him during practice

everyone on the team knew you really

and honestly, kenma always liked you

you weren’t as overbearing as most other people and you never pushed yourself into his personal space forcefully

kuroo thought you were doing an amazing job at making their resident recluse feel comfortable around you

now when i say kenma liked you

it wasn’t like anything serious

he just preferred you to other people

of course, he thought you were handsome and had a nice personality

but still

he just liked you as a person

but then one day

their manager fell extremely ill right before a tournament and they needed someone to fill in their place

all eyes turned on you

you usually helped the managers whenever you passed by during practice and you were familiar enough with everything to do a good job

plus everyone liked you so

they unanimously picked you for the job and called it a day

that was the first time you ever heard kuroo’s pre-game speech

yknow the one kenma found extremely embarrassing about keeping your blood flowing and supplying oxygen to the brain

you thought it was lovely and poetic when you heard it but you didn’t quite get the analogy

so you asked

and kuroo explained it to you while kenma was cringing half to death behind him

the more kuroo explained it to you the more you understood how truly amazing kenma actually was

by the end of kuroo’s explanation, you were in absolute awe

you couldn’t help but turn to kenma with an expression of repressed excitement and go “KENMA-SAN YOU’RE SO INCREDIBLE!?!?!!!!”

and man

your sparkly eyes, your slightly flushed cheeks, your sincere astonishment, your grin

it made kenma’s heart do something

a flutter

a squeeze

he didn’t know but it was something

he just stood there in bewilderment with his eyes wide as he started feeling things the longer he looked at looking at him like that

you tugged at his little heartstrings

kuroo, being kuroo, totally knew what was going on and he just outright snorted

it was in shock more than anything really

he couldn’t believe what was happening he never saw kenma like that before

kenma snapped out of his daze due to kuroo’s snort and he quickly ducked his head to hide his blush behind his hair and just let out a little “mhm” before passing you and going to the court

you knew kenma was often a man of a few words but you couldn’t help but worry if you had somehow upset him

he never brushed you off like that before this felt different

maybe you stood too close in his personal space or something

you had decided you were gonna apologize later and silently hoped that whatever just happened wouldn’t affect the game

surprise surprise though

kenma’s plays and calls throughout the entire match were impeccable

it left their opponents stunned he had them all figured out

needless to say, nekoma had a certain victory that day

while the team was celebrating and rightfully fawning over kenma, you had been looking at him when he glanced up at you

you smiled at him and gave him a rather enthusiastic thumb’s up

you saw firsthand how kenma’s expression instantly changed

how his eyes widened slightly, how his body stiffened from surprise, and how his cheeks were coloured red from something other than exertion

and then it clicked

you stood there stunned as the realization dawned on you

could it be,,,, kenma liked you-

you cut off the thought before it even fully started because that’s just ridiculous there’s no way

suddenly an arm was thrown over your shoulder

it was kuroo’s

and one look at his face just confirmed everything

and sent you in absolute panic

holyshitholyshitholyshitkenmapossiblylikedyouwhattheheckohmygod

kuroo, who felt your panic, laughed and patted you on the back reassuringly

“relax man hey take your time. this is new for both of you and we don’t know if it will even go anywhere.”

-but i kinda want it to- you thought

kuroo leaned closer to you and whispered sleazily “hhooo you want it to huh you have the hots for kenma dont ya dont ya hohohoooo what do you want to do to my best friend you fiend”

HE’S SO ANNOYING HELPJFKSHDKG WHY IS HE SO PRECEPTIVE

before you could bite back at him he stood back at full length and looked at you “honestly though? i think you have a solid chance with him”

that single sentence repeated itself the entire bus ride back

and it continued to plague your mind for the following couple of weeks as you were weighing the pros and cons of this situation

over these couple of weeks, you were fixated a bit too much on kenma you couldn’t help but notice how cute he was

his little habits and the little faces he pulled as he played his video games were all too endearing

you tried to test the waters a few times here and there by getting friendlier than you usually would

yknow just to gauge his reactions

which you came to discover were also so fucking cute

he got nervous and a bit jumpy and the tips of his ears would tint red

but he never refused you and displayed any type of discomfort

so one afternoon while you two were on court cleaning duty you decided to ask him out

“kenma-san, you know the arcade a couple blocks over? i heard they installed some new games over the past weekend so,, i was wondering if you’d like to go check them out with me. yknow after we’re done here and all…”

you gulped at the tense silence that followed and wondered for a split second if you should add “haha yknow as two friends buddies good bros hanging out ahah”

as you were stuck in your own thoughts kenma let out a little huff and gave you a soft smile “i’d love to”

you heart went wooOOSH at the sight of his smile

whether you were good or bad at video games it didn’t really matter to kenma

he enjoys your company regardless and your reactions to the games amuse him

and this is something that’ll stay constant throughout your relationship

kenma loves games and you love him so whatever your stance was on video games previously didn’t matter because you loved engaging in something that kenma loved

and you also knew that he loved sharing his interest with you

even if you sucked at one game or the other you could get a good laugh out of him from it and it totally makes everything worth it

he, of course, would engage you in what interested you as well

it’s a fair and sweet trade

you guys’ relationship would progress kinda slowly but also not really?? like the pace suit you guys

one of the most hilarious things you had the pleasure of witnessing is kenma raging over a game

you have never seen kenma so animated before and it sENDS

but that’s not your favourite part

your favourite part is when he’s decided he’s had enough so he just leaves the controller and searches for you

he just plops down and burries his face in your stomach while wrapping his arms around you and, depending on how frusterated he is, he’d either let out a really loud groan or just sigh defeatedly into your stomach

if you pet his hair he hums and you don’t think he’s aware but you’ll never tell him cuz you don’t want him to stop

KENMA LITTLE SPOON

something that can be a little puzzeling with kenma is that even though he’s touch and affection starved, he’s not a touchy person so being affectionate is a hit or miss

he’ll never reject your advances for physical affection cuz you’re his boyfriend

but it’s rare for him to be the one intiating it

PDA is not a thing

like ever

not even holding hands

this is new for kenma and he’s so aware of the fact that you’re both guys

he’d just want it to be known between you guys and your trusted circle

but he knows that it sometimes can be upsetting so he does what he can to make it easier

he stands closer to you, enough to feel his body warmth

when he walks beside you sometimes he’ll let the back of his hands brush yours

yknow just little things that go unoticed to everyone else but it means a lot to you

being in a relationship with kenma just means being in the recieving end of a lot of little things that come together and make it wholesome

kenma gives these small quick kisses out of nowhere that make your heart stop for that split second but then by the time you processed it he’s already gone on his way

they kinda feel like kitten licks they’re so quick and small

!!!!!! THIS NEXT HEADCANON CONTAINS A SPOILER FROM THE MANGA SO IF YOU‘RE NOT CAUGHT UP PLEASE SKIP THE NEXT POINT !!!!!!!!!

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on kenma’s youtube videos and streams there are a lot of videos where you appeared in the background doing your thing or just moments where you just check up on him, maybe bring him some food/water, and because of it a lot of his subscribers ship you guys together and whenever kenma comes by comments regarding that he smiles a little and even though he’ll never comment on it, it does kinda make him giddy

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!!!! OK YOU CAN READ NOW !!!!

kenma has this Special Look that’s reserved just for you and it’s so so soft and full of adoration and he usually gives you that look when you’re not looking

his friends see it though and it makes them so happy seeing kenma like this

you make kenma happy

#haikyuu #bokuto koutarou #kozume kenma #bokuto x reader #bokuto x male reader #kenma x reader #kenma x male reader #haikyuu hc #bokuto hc #kenma hc #hq #haikyuu!!#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x male reader #x male reader

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thequibblah · 3 years

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⭐ honestly there are so many things that I'd likevto ask which is why I want to ask a broaderish question.. How do you approach the characterisation of your "Main cast"? I think you have created some really great complex characters even though they do not exist in canon or even fanon (Germaine in example)

I hope this isn't too broad lol

no, i don't think it's too broad! just let me know if my answer doesn't actually touch on what you were wondering about haha

character creation for me tends to be spontaneous rather than conscious — i.e. i'm just writing my way through a scene and i'm like anyway, these people are new and they're friends or they're dating or they hate each other, and there's rarely a ton of forethought put into it. the vast majority of the ct cast was like that, i would say, except possibly michael, who was the first love interest i invented so there was a little more intention there

(but other than him i was really pulling things out of nowhere for the rest of the students especially — including with emmeline which sometimes surprises me)

the exception is, of course, the main cast. they and sara were very intentional, and i wrote little bio thingies for them before i started even outlining the fic. i mean the non-canon main cast, of course, lol — mary, dorcas (they're both canon but i've invented virtually everything about them, so), and germaine.

i did actually do a lot of hemming and hawing about how many girls there would be in lily's year in gryffindor. as discussed in a previous "my beef with j/k/r" instalment on this blog, the numbers of the hogwarts population really don't make sense at all, so i knew i could be flexible and kind of hand wave any questionable bits away. but the composition of the gryffindor girls was crucial in deciding lily's characterisation, imo — an easy way to convey implied characterisation is to show someone in contrast to the people around them. so: who is lily within the context of her friend group? is she friends with all the girls she rooms with?

separately, i've always liked writing friends in groups of four. in the planning stage of this i was like urghhh it's four girls, the four marauders, is that like too perfect....... and one thing i HATED was that people could then map on each marauder to each girl (lily = james is a bit questionable, though i firmly believe they're much more alike than they seem, but it kind of works.... mary = sirius, dorcas = remus, germaine = peter). and i didn't, and don't, want to make it seem like i've just made vaguely distinct female versions of each marauder!

i've made my peace with that risk, of course, and i think each of the girls is significantly different from "their marauder" (LOL) that it's actually fine — and, better still, if that thought occurs to anyone i hope that their characterisations will go on to provide interesting nuance to the parallels

but, anyway, tangent aside, i love groups of four because i think basically all my life i've had groups-of-four friendships. to absolutely go to bat for us foursomes, it's nice because no single person is the obvious odd one out, and each combination in pairs brings something different to the table — the role that doe plays in the group of four at large, for instance, isn't exactly the same as who she is in her individual friendship with mary, lily, or germaine.

the three main cast members came of some very clinical answers to those initial questions about lily.

one, i have always liked having mary be one of lily's friends, and in my characterisation of her she's obviously a great foil to lily, as a fellow muggle-born student. so, she was a lock.

two, i wanted to write one other canon order character, but i didn't want it to be marlene because in my reading of her canon mention, lily is unlikely to write a letter to sirius with her full name (paraphrasing but "i was so upset when marlene mckinnon died, i cried for ages") or, indeed, write a letter discussing how sad marlene's death made her, if they were besties and schoolmates. i went with dorcas because why the hell not? in developing her i then added all these thoughts

three, i felt the need to make up an oc so i could have absolute freedom over their fate. i had certain preconceived notions about mary and dorcas and what their stories would be, so there were other things (e.g. playing quidditch) that i wanted to have a friend of lily's do that they couldn't. plus, i wanted to write a massive lesbian.

another little sticking point, though, was that i (for a very SHRUG?? reason) didn't want lily to be besties with everyone she's lived with, but i didn't want to insert a catty rival into her dorm either. (now, don't get me wrong, i do love a good rival. i did, after all, write mary and amelia, and i am a known appreciator of carlotta meloni, and i adore TLE's marlene mckinnon. but i wanted the gryffindor girls to be like lily's safe space — a contrast both to her home life and to her recently-strained friendship with snape, where she's spent some time having to second-guess herself a lot. in my mind her friendships with all three of her besties coalesced at various points organically, until she was like wow wait i do actually have a home base here.)

the compromise was someone who was friendly with lily, but there's no strain on that friendship to be more than it is — which, sara and lily respect each other but have also learned they're not so alike that they need to hang out all the time. sara, to lily, is the girl you do things with because you're schoolmates, and then once you're out of school you amicably drift apart and occasionally leave a nice comment on their instagram

so that was how the gryffindors coalesced in my mind as placeholder figures. i will fully confess i start with tropes and then work out ways to deconstruct them or complicate them — as i've talked about in multiple of these questions, i think a lot of my characters are caught between sticking to their perceived label and acting the way they want to, aka the ripest high school drama fodder known to humankind

Wearing a fake smile and watching her sister’s sickening love life had put things in perspective a little. Why should she always do what was expected of her?

(we construct ourselves in contrast to those around us....)

mary started off as boy-crazy, doe started off as idealistic, and germaine started off as struggling to find her place. then i built up from those foundations, adding in tropey bits i enjoyed and wanted to engage with — i wanted doe to be passionately principled, but the gentler counterpart to mary, and even-tempered where lily runs hot. i wanted germaine to be a little bit thoughtless, changeable, someone utterly herself but still uncomfortable in her own skin. knowing, then, that the other two were going to be, how shall i put it, gentler hearts (LOL), i went back to mary and decided she would have this tough-girl, queen-bee persona.

then doe got her family background, which added in her ambitions and hinted at her future, and made it so her foundation would be threatened by events of the story. obviously i was writing mary in the aftermath of the mulciber/avery incident, so i needed to ask how much her take-no-shit vibe was threatened by it — and if not, why? how? unsurprisingly, even to people like amelia...

“At least I’m not overflowing with insecurity,” said Amelia. Mary laughed. The sound echoed through the courtyard. “We both know that’s not true.”

...the persona is put-on, but the "real mary" is so caught up in the invented mary that even she couldn't hope to uncover an authentic self...nor would she necessarily want to, because her affected self is still her...

wait don't get me started

germaine was already a quidditch player, and i wanted her to be a seeker because that's automatic investment in perhaps the single player with the most impact on the game — crucial for what i knew would be many, many quidditch sequences, where james wasn't always the most important pov! some of that seekery vibe leeched into who she is: she's searching, right from the start, for a sense of self that feels just out of reach:

“This year is going to be a year of change,” Germaine said [...] “Henceforth I will be going by... Gemma.” The girls looked at one another for a beat. Then Lily, Doe, and Mary burst into laughter.

she's more anxious and outwardly uncertain than her friends, and i wanted to consciously engage with that — proper teenage awkwardness, the kind that wouldn't really happen to Main Character lily, I Have No Sense of Shame mary, and I Am Overflowing with Good Sense doe. more than the other three, germaine is a normal person in the context of this world — she's not a muggleborn, so the war has a different impact on her; she's not the child of activists; she's not well-off. an absolutely spontaneous invention that i was really quite thrilled by was having her sister be crouch's secretary, because it's such a sudden, shocking realisation for her that she's got such a close connection in the thick of it

Germaine clapped a hand over her mouth. “Big news soon,” she mumbled. “Big news soon, that’s what Abigail said, only she didn’t say what big news…”

so germaine is really just... living her life, an indie coming of age film in which her friends' subplot is a fucking war LOL

i defined germaine in contrast to the other girls a lot when drawing out the characters for myself, mostly for a practical reason — i didn't want her to overlap too strongly with any of them, since she's the only one who's wholly my invention. i think some of that remains in her characterisation, but i decided to make it conscious instead:

Germaine saw herself as a happy medium, flexible enough to stretch sympathetically between her friends. But— What does it mean that I define myself in comparison to them? Nothing. She was only seventeen and she was finding her way.

i knew germaine was going to get the chaotic sporty romance pretty much right off the bat, but, fun fact, i hadn't actually picked out who her love interest would be until after i started spitballing other sixth years' names and had a basic idea of who emmeline was. wild!

i feel like i haven't said all i want to say but let's stop there or i'd go on forever, ha!

#director's cuts #ask me #anon

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tropicalfreckles · 4 years

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Beej?

Anon you’ve opened the floodgates you absolute fool(i’m kidding) OKAY, let me tell you all about what I like about the smelly trash man cause if it wasn’t obvious before with me not being so subtle I have a big crush and enjoy this stupid demon a lot (crush on musical beej specifically of course LAWL)

Why I Like them: OKAY IN ORDER, first movie Beetlejuice. I enjoy he’s a big sleazy asshole that has funny one-liners every time he actually just show up in the movie. He’s a fast-talking con man that acts like a used car salesman and he has a sleazy charm to him. I also enjoy watching Barbara school his ass every time I rewatch the movie, stan movie Barbara y’all she’s a babe and will take you down. I also like to thank Michael Keaton for his performance it was a great one and we all have movie Beej to thank for the other Beetlejuices we got!

Toon Beej! Adorable, a brat, a jerk, a man that would do anything to make a quick buck and he’s gross and such a petty shithead I love him lmao. He can be pure and adorable and nice when he wants to be even if he doesn’t like to show that he has a soft side. Also holy shit all his puns??? YES?? I LOVE PUNS. His jokes, his powers, everything about this middle aged dead ghoul is A+ and ya know what when karma does slap him that’s good too cause he does deserve to get taken down a peg some times lmao. Toon Beej is someone I’d happily be friends with.

now we get to my big ass crush on a stupid, smelly BASTARD OF A BUGMAN

Musical Juice. What don’t I like about him? Besides his dumb ass plan of a green card marriage lmao (I mean movie beej also sleazy af for doing that too). ANYWAYS. What I like. His stupid smile (both blum and brightman just WHY ARE THEY BOTH SO ATTRACTIVE AHHH), his unhinged pansexual disaster energy, who tf is letting this man do coke that is a terrible idea but it gives such hilarious results, the fact that he uses his humor with his trauma he needs to NOT call me out like that lol. I weirdly relate to Musicaljuice like a lot (as someone who struggles with trying not to be petty or get jealous and stuff like that), plus him feeling invisible and lonely also hit home really hard when people in middle school and high school would randomly just drop/ghost me out of the blue. He’s such a chaotic sleaze and I just enjoy his energy and his jokes so much. His dirty humor? Sign me up I keep it clean here folks cause I got another blog for dirty stuff but I like dirty humor when it’s done right lmao. Also dadbod. Dadbod is CHEF KISS. The little things I also enjoy. How he does have an affectionate side (him being just affection/touch starved also coming for the throat cause me too), the fact that he jumped to protect Lydia after she rightfully killed him and he even gave her his cowboy hat as a goodbye present. I thought it was nice of him to yeet out of there cause he did do a lot of bads lmao. I also love how excited he got and the chaotic sibling energy he had with Lydia when scaring. I just really, really enjoy musical Beetlejuice a lot guys.

Sorry I’m such a simp for him lmao

He is my emotional support bastard

Why I don’t: I honestly do not hate his character at all, but, I can criticize his actions. To a degree. I can’t exactly say (ex. Musicaljuice)“Oh no! a demon trying to kill Lydia’s friends and family?? How unexpected!!” he’s a demon he’s gonna do evil-ish things. Which is why I applaud Lydia taking matters into her own hands good kid 10/10. and like movie Juice is a bastard sleazy man of course he’s gonna have a shitty idea as to marry a teenage girl so he can freely do whatever he wants in the world of the living. He never in the final script showed any creepy shit towards her which god I am grateful for I don’t need someone perving on this teenager that’s already having a wild time in her new house. He’s a conman just trying to have a good time but goes about it by crappy means. The petty/jealousy thing can go too far some times (but I chalk that up to musicaljuice’s sad upringing along with not having an positive relationships that we know of in his life to support him) for musical and toon juice (toon juice once again I don’t think had any friends that really understood him when he was alive and when he died so he just does whatever he wants since people already think so little of him before he meets Lydia), however with the proper talking to I think both could improve from it. Like in an analysis way I know these guys are fictional just like character development thoughts. All three have said and or done some things ranging from like small shitty things to problematic obviously. Beetlejuice is a very complex character as a whole. Movie juice obviously not as developed since he’s barely in the film to kind of shroud him in more mystery but that doesn’t mean his motives aren’t intriguing. I don’t want to make this post longer than it already is so that’s just all of my thoughts summarized.

Favorite Episode (scene if Movie): Fav movie beej scene is hard.

His first time meeting the Maitlands, his charades with Lydia, then the ending scene are all so good.

Toon Beej I’m trying to think. Once again I’ve only rewatched like 20+ episodes for the cartoon so it’s hard to pick with limited options. Uhhhh I like the haunted attraction episode lmao also the creepy tree and how he went out of his way to help Lydia move her favorite tree and in the end tried saying something nice to the tree even though eh was annoyed with it the whole episode.

Musical juice that is HARD, Blum and Brightman just own every scene they’re in shit lawl. I really like the evil plan reveal during the séance. The whole being dead pt 1&2 (the guide reprise), say my name, his scenes with the maitlands.

Favorite season/movie: Skip

Favorite Line: NICE FUCKING MODEL!! *honkhonk* (pfft)

also like... everything beetlejuice says in the musical lmao “new phone who dis”

Favorite Outfit: HONESTLY I love every single outfit all three beetlejuices wear. I want the fucking guide hat so badly!!!

OTP:

hahahaAAAHH ah. Well. Ya see here. Let’s go with the first options. Cause of a number of artists on here I’ve been pretty keen on the BeetlejuicexMiss Argentina ship for moviejuice tbh lmao. I like the idea they had an office fling. Musicaljuice and Miss Argentina sounds cute too.

I don’t actively go into the Beetlands tag but I do think the art and idea for it (after a lot of building up trust/consent/and talking) think it can be a super cute poly ship! I like.

I don’t really ship Toon Beej with anyone tbh.

so now into the self indulgent shit lmaaoo

I love people’s ocs/self inserts with the Bugman a lot and I myself super hardcore ship my oc Leilani and musicaljuice. I... maye have drawn self insert art I have no posted here out of being shy but it’s on another blog that will stay hidden lmao. I don’t normally post self insert stuff of myself cause man I can draw it easily for other people but when it comes to myself I am shy.

I mean I’m writing a fic for beej and lani as we speak and you all know by now if you’ve been following me for the past couple of months I’ve drawn a handful of doodles plus commissioned numbnutspo to draw my self indulgent ship lawl

BROTP: The obvious for toon and musicaljuice is Lydia Deetz of course. Chaos siblings. Also I have a BROTP of my demon oc Antares with musicaljuice too. Dumb demon bros.

Unpopular Opinion: TBH Idk if I have one. I like to think there’s a resounding hiss @ the ship that shall not be named lmao.

A Wish: Same wish I had for Lydia’s ask, I wanna see the musical live REAL BADLY. I also wish I could tell the cast/crew of the musical how much it has helped me get through this shitty year and how it legit just revived my passion for drawing again. I got to meet a lot of people through the musical and made some new friends. Plus I’m actually making money off my art now???

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: I wanna forget that clean beetlejuice from that one episode of the cartoon exists lmao it scares me (I mean I wouldn’t object to musical juice to taking a fucking bath or brushing his teeth but let’s be real that ain’t happening)

5 words to best describe them: Bastard, Unhinged, Handsome, 1-Brain Cell, Huggable

My nickname for Them: I mean when I refer to him or write fics it’s always Beej, BJ, Bugman, Bug, Bastard Man, Smelly Trashman, Garbage Man, Lawrence, the list goes on lawl

and now I have aired out more of my stupid obsession with this dumb demon

edit: I FORGOT HEADCANONS

OKAY HEADCANONS. Musical juice is definitely the oldest of the three, (in dead terms too, in alive terms he was ony alive for like less than 3 minutes or something), I love musicaljuice pansexual/genderfluid so much. I have a bunch but my mind is like blank rn for the rest shit sorry but I added those in at least

also I like the funny headcanon toon juice is taller than keatlejuice and musicaljuice

I also like the headcanon for autistic beetlejuice (as someone who is also autistic)

#asks #long post #anon #beetlejuice #musical beetlejuice #asks game #Anonymous

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demonicintegrity · 4 years

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oKAY heres the details on that depressing Devildice human highschool au i made with a friend back around 2017/2018. Kinda a mess so bare with me. long post with themes of abuse, depression, and other nasty stuff.

- Lucifer Angelo grew up in a pretty bad place in Texas. The details werent fleshed out other than that it was a pretty ignorant place.

- The important fact of the matter is that his dad (who we never did settle on a name for lol) was a Christian preacher. Charismatic man, but an absolute shithead to Lucifer. Even with his other kids he was strict and pushed his ideals and plans onto them. Also had a temper and a loud voice.

- Preacher Angelo was once a pretty alright man, although very self-centered and was pretty condensing. He had a marriage early on in his life and had a few kids, named after archangels. Marriage fell through, and he starts drinking and moves on the next one a bit after. Have a couple more sons named after archangels. It also falls apart. On number 3? he has the final sons to complete his arch angel themed kids. At first it was just in honor/inspired by the angels and his Christian lifestyle, tho i think around the second marriage is where he just started getting delusional and started thinking himself as godlike and thought his sons will spread his word and whatever. Needlessly to say, his partners once they found this out went :/ and it went downhill from there.

- Man we really just took every flaw and worse thing to have in a parent and shoved it into this bastard lmao

- Lucifer was actually the product of an affair within his final marriage. Ofc cheating was a dealbreaker and they divorced. The girl he was cheating with stuck around a little bit, but died in childbirth due to complications. Thus he was left with this child that wAs BoRn FrOm SiN so he named him Lucifer. He would be his son of sin while his other sons would be Perfect People. (Even though they and their mothers started to want nothing to do with him lmao)

- He got by and took care of Lucifer decently but because this was an AU of Angst(TM) Preacher Dickhead became an alcoholic, had money troubles over time because economy troubles or whatever, and took out his temper on his son more and more. Luci was taken to church every Sunday by his dad.

- Kingsley Dyce was born in Lousiana to his parents Patrick and Fahri. We had a whole separate story for Fahri’s family and how they met, it was cute but that’s completely irrelevant right now. They lived modestly and were technically stable but there wasn’t always extra money for fun stuff and there were times were they were just getting by, but they never let Kingsley onto it.

- Kingsley (nicknamed King or KD by his friends) was a pretty cool kid. Had fun in Louisiana despite being a bit flamboyant and full of himself, made good friends. His relationship with his parents were fairly okay. He was a total mama’s boy, loves his mother to death and would do anything for her. As he became a teen his relationship with his father got a bit more strained because Patrick was a very Traditional person and into his teenage hood Kingsley had a habit of dancing not-so-masculine or modestly. He also was getting into makeup.

- Stepping back tho, as a kid he was in the church choir. His family is Catholic and his parents took him to church every Sunday. His favorite activity was to rollerskate. He and his friends were always skating to each other’s houses or skating at the rink. Skating, video games, and singing was his life.

- During his 6/7th grade his family moved to Maryland because of a job opportunity. King was suuuupper bummed. Maryland isn’t like Louisiana at all so there was an adjustment curve. Despite that, he didn’t have a hard time make friends. (insert humanized casino crew here)

- Side note: KD had a tooth gap as a kid and got braces during middle school to correct it. It gave him a lisp. He also had glasses and a questionable sense of fashion throughout middle school. This isn’t super relevant but its important to me that you can imagine this kid as the doofus he was. He also was roughly at an average height.

- In 8th grade there was a new kid that came into his class; Lucifer. Luci’s dad had also moved to Maryland for a job. Despite his entire class wondering what the hell was this southern emo kid’s problem, he wasn’t overtly bullied, just ignored. KD however, was intrigued by this asshole and made it his goal to figure out his issue and be all up in his business.

- Luci is currently dealing with some of his hardest years here. In Texas he had a hard time making friends, was bullied, and wasnt surrounded by the best sort of people. His abuse was getting worse as his father struggled more and more, and the move wasn’t the greatest fix considering he was still drinking and getting himself into debt. Luci didn’t care about school nor about life in general. But then this asshole waltz into his life and boy golly was he feeling things about it.

- The relationship at first just KD latching onto Luci and talking to him about any and everything and trying to drag him around town. Slowly, Lucifer began to be amused by this jerk and his friends. He also didn’t live too far away so KD was able to easily bike to his place even though he never wanted KD over.

- KD picked up on the abuse Luci was going through, and honestly didn’t know to confront it. At first it was just sharing food cuz Luci wouldn’t eat and chatting to him because he got uncomfortable seeing Luci alone with head down all the time. Eventually he talked to his mom about it and the two of them kept inviting Luci over. Fahri became the mom Luci never had and Patrick despite working long hours and extra shifts, would take time to give Luci practical lessons and be a better masculine figure in his life. Luci was slowly being given a family but he also was pulling away from it. He was in the midst of a depression and he was pretty mean to everyone to deal with it, and pulled to himself more as he began to love KD and his family. The new friendships doesn’t cure depression, nor was it helpful against abuse.

- TW under break for more details of abuse, neglect, depression, and suicide

- His abuse was verbal and physical. He got yelled at for being a failure, yelled at because he didnt care about school, drunk his fathers booze, got into trouble and lashed out. He got beat for back talking and whenever the drunk asshole wanted to fight with him. It had been going on for years. He was also neglected pretty bad. Food wasn’t super plentiful in the house, he lived on fast food and luci didnt know how to cook. There was more booze in fridge than food. Power/water would sometimes not be on if his father forgot about certain bills. It was bad.

- Some time during this 8th grade year he also developed a crush on KD, he didnt voice it because his dad was homophobic as shit but also because he certainly didnt know how to navigate love and didnt want to ruin his relationship with KD. So he repressed it.

- Also during this 8th grade year Luci tried to commit suicide. He had texted KD before hand too, with some note that boiled down to he cared a lot about KD but couldnt stand anything in the world/his dad/bringing KD down/whatever and it was obviously a suicide note. KD freaked out and immediately got his ass over there, kicked down the door, and found Luci in his dad’s room with his dad’s gun to his head. I don’t think we ever settled on the details of the situation but it was traumatizing for both individuals to say the least. KD was able to talk him out of it.

- That incident made them inseparable. Luci never had someone care for him like that, cry for him like that. KD had grown attached and close enough to consider him his best friends, the incident only solidify his want to make his best friend’s life better. It was a rough few months after that and KD was sworn to never tell his parents what happened.

- TBH that was about the worse of it, this was an high school AU and high school became a bit better for them in certain regards. KD got his braces off, got contacts, and had one helluva growth spurt going into HS. Luci went deep into a punk-emo phase his freshman year which killed his fashion, but was slowly becoming a bit more confident in himself. KD and his parents were able to help him a lot. Emotional support, practical life lessons, and food was always a given.

- Its a bit of an up and down throughout high school. KD gets into makeup, heels, dancing, and bisexuality and it causes a major strife with him and his dad who wanted a “real” son. The relationship went through major struggles and would take a couple years to really heal.

- Luci struggles a bit with drinking and deals drugs and booze to get his own spending money. He starts somewhat taking his school seriously, but even though he does work in class he doesnt always do homework or projects and whatnot. He has a habit of physically intimidating other students and occasionally tries to pick fights.

- The “casino gang” also have their own things going on. If a recall correctly, Wheezy was also in a neglectful house, Pip and Dot ( ??? and Dorothy) were twins from a wealthy well off family but were ignored and were terribly bratty, Piroeutta was just an quiet Russian outcast, Mango had 7 siblings and no space to himself and who was bullied for his large off-putting appearance, Chips was just loud, and i completely forgot what everyone else’s deal was. KD and Luci mainly hung out with Chips, Piro, Pip, and Dot. They were still pretty close to the others but those four were the only ones they regularly hung out with at lunch and outside of school.

- There are a couple things that could happen throughout high school. My personal fav i can remember is a particular angst with KD trying to get with another dude and Luci being Upset and lashing out at him at a party result and ugh that scenario was angsty but also turned very cute???

- Regardless, when they do get together they’re unstoppable tbh.

- and yes, the gang would readily throw hands with anyone who said shit. Barely any of them care about suspensions.

- I kinda forget a bit of stuff. I know misc. scenarios here and there both fluffy and angsty, but this post is already long enough lmao so feel free to hit up my ask box with any questions/comments. I dont really think Ill come back to this au?? If i do Im gonna edit a ton of stuff because looking back certain themes and scenarios seem borderline insensitive and/or poorly thought out. I did found a fic of this au on my phone with KD and Luci as adults tho and Im v tempted to rewrite some of it and finish it because it was good.

#long post #tw abuse #tw physical abuse #tw verbal abuse #tw suicide #suicide mention #cuphead dont deal with the devil #ch devil #King dice #devildice #snakeeyes

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merry-melody · 4 years

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umbrella academy s2 thoughts

Or you can read here if you prefer. Formatting’s probably easier there and this is like 4k, so be warned.

So, was not much of a fan. (Wasn't surprised to learn none of the S1 writers were retained into this season, either!)

I feel like it's a little early for this show to be separating the siblings into New Lives, considering how little they interacted throughout the first season.

I would have liked more childhood flashbacks, having an additional Reginald subplot in a show stuffed with seven (or six and a half) leads seems a choice when it didn't link into the siblings in any meaningful way.

It also made all the siblings curiously less sympathetic, as Diego and Luther in particular, but also Vanya and Klaus to an extent, are berated for showing any kind of effect of their upbringing; but without much 'showing' of said upbringing (or emotional impact at all from the last season - Vanya's obviously out for that own with the hackneyed amnesia plot; Diego is completely over Patch's death - and Grace's, for that matter, although she does at least get acknowledged; and Klaus for some reason seems to have stopped seeing ghosts 99% of the time.)

I'm very mistrustful, as I mentioned in my S1 notes, that the show will in any way support Reginald's abuse, whether it be the siblings furthering their patterns of copying him without learning to recognise and address this; or by some kind of time loop casuality bullshit.

This season didn't really allay that, just with the general tone - the line Vanya had about sarcastically saying he was loving, or Five calling him 'no boy scout' just seem tonally a very different vibe from S1, like there were already aspects of that where it felt like none of them except Klaus really acted like they'd been raised by a guy who outright harmed them so much as a tough Professor type; and here it seems to double down on that idea.

Five in particular was almost his father's yes man to an extent, he had several lines about how right their father was; although it was intriguing to see Diego reference how Reginald may have become even worse after Five's disappearance with that 'golden years' remark.

I was intrigued by the lizard reveal, though.

So, Luther wise...hmmm.

Also, on shallow notes, the hair and fashion was really lacking from last season, like apart from Allison/Emmy who looked lovely in the 60s clothes (and Five, Ben and Vanya, who remained pretty much the same), everyone looked worse (even Luther had a little Tintin grown out hairdo going on!)

Didn't love the toilet humour, either, but again, YMMV.

He was a little more likeable than S1, I appreciated how he acknowledged his own failings (which iirc, no one else but Vanya really did all season, and since she didn't recall hers at the time, there wasn't as much emotional impact) - although the cocked gun lessened it a little, lol. And the return of that lovely musical score during, too, nice touch.

It was good to see at least two scenes with him and Vanya interacting, and for them to return to the Five/Luther duo.

It was also interesting to see how Luther, like all his siblings, projects his own feelings onto others, (like his first instinct being that Vanya's pulling some 'bullshit game' when obviously, Vanya was pretty upfront when she lost it; whereas it was Luther who was the one scamming her into the hug-n-choke.)

I liked them bonding over Five being an asshole, too.

(Although I think once again, the lack of trust between the siblings was almost contrived, like Luther in particular seems genuinely pissed off that Five didn't, what, let them all die in a fiery death? I get that they grew up in an environment that promoted mistrust and that they don't really seem to understand their own powers or each others, and Five never explains when he makes a mistake, anyway, but I'm just not sure what Luther's ideal outcome here was.)

I'm clearly an asshole also, because the 'Rooming House for Solitary Men' sign made me laugh every time they showed it.

I feel like some of his characterisation was unsubtly telegraphed (although that's a complaint over all, not just him specific) - like they decided 'sensitive' was their key word there, and just jam in everyone referring to him as that rather than showing it. (...Is Luther sensitive? Like, not dragging him, I'd just not pick that at all for him as a description.)

I also didn't much enjoy the pairing of him and Diego, like to be honest, it was never a pairing even from S1 that I was particularly fascinated by, it's such a well-worn dynamic; and while at least they weren't bickering over numbers, the dude bro banter ('women, amirite?!') and matching lack of IQ (I never thought I'd say Diego seemed dumber than cracking a raw egg to posture, and yet...) was just kind of lowhanging fruit.

I also feel like the goon for Jack Ruby stuff seemed inserted purely for plot contrivance to link to JFK.

(This is also a universal complaint, but I really felt for the actors doing promo, like they come up with all these well thought out explanations about why their characters are making these choices, but the work doesn't really show up in the writing or what was shown onscreen. IIRC, Tom Hopper was talking about Jack Ruby as a replacement father figure and how it's Luther's first stab at independence in terms of supporting himself; and there's this whole thing of Ruby saying he treated Luther like a son, when really, he's in like, two scenes and Luther is very clearly a paid goon. Which isn't to say that's not supporting yourself, a job's a job! I just felt like it didn't really go anywhere.)

I liked the idea that he's the only one who looked for their dad; I liked him still eating his feelings, funnily enough, it's just a good character note.

I don't particularly have investment in him and Allison one way or another yet - I don't care about the moral indignation; I just feel like when they're together, it seems one part them being smug about the others, one part yearning based on the same plot as S1 (she's moved on but seems to want to keep Luther as her back up guy.) Like, I'd love to see those two actually interact over something based on their disparate characters (what would Allison have said if she'd heard Luther's little defense of the Feds to Five?)

There's also a return to that odd juxtaposition from S1 of Klaus' drinking with Luther taking drugs cheerfully and to no effect. (I'm not expecting a DARE commercial, it's just all over the place in tone. That, and I thought Luther 'waSN't ReADy for THaT!')

(This isn't Diego specific, either, but they also do that thing I hate in TV, where they purposefully reference someone specifically in the episode before they rereturn, and Diego got the short straw on that one with the Pogo mention apropros of nothing, so we know we'll see Baby!Pogo shortly.)

Diego: Again, lots of telegraphing. (Do you think the writers want to get across Diego has a hero complex? I wasn't clear after he cat leaps through dimensions, stops a mugging, obsessively stalks JFK, and almost everyone he meets literally holds up placards mentioning 'DIEGO HAS A HERO COMPLEX'.)

Diego got a lot more time onscreen, which is a plus, but the haircut combined with his role as plot monkey made it a neutral point.

I also think Castaneda got the short straw on some of dialogue this year, oof, that Luke Skywalker 'it's a great reference' dialogue felt a bit try hard.

(Sheehan also took a body blow later with the 'Sexy trash!' one, ouch, like that felt very Designed to Retweet/Gif.

No one's topped S1 for blatant exposition yet, though: 'You haven't been sober since you were a teen! Not since you started taking drugs to block the ghosts out.')

Randomly, I liked the decent English accent he pulled out of nowhere. And again, David Castaneda I believe, mentioned Patch's death, so it's neat that he thought about the impact of her death on his character, even though it wasn't evident in the plot.

As I mentioned up top, I think Diego kind of suffered from the same thing Klaus did last year, where upon he seems to be the only one who recalls they were actually brought up in an abusive environment; and yet here the focus seems more generic to Diego's a baby (right down to constantly talking about 'bad guys' like a three year old) who has masculinity issues about his mean pop (who tbh, seems to be presented as entirely correct in labelling him a fuckwit, since he behaves like one pretty much all season: 'We chop off his trigger finger!')

(Also there's that contrived Batman style ethics that came up with Luther last year, where they're like 'We can quip over bodies and we grew up literally murdering people', but for some reason, Diego won't 'kill a man before he's committed a crime' (he can stalk one, and cut off his hand, though?)

Likewise, there wasn't a ton of interaction between him and Allison, like in S1, I enjoyed how they kind of overcame their initial mutual dislike with small moments of bonding; whereas here he has to be prompted to talk to her (and that was an adlib, which again, means the actors were considering something the writers overlooked.)

Last year I talked about how much I enjoyed Diego's character and how they walked a very fine line between him combining his desire to be the stereotypical macho figure with his innate sensitivity, so naturally this season we get him butchified to a factor of ten ('I'm the man, here!' 'You're a big pussy!') and almost zero interactions with Klaus, the person besides Grace who brought that out the most last year.

(What happened to those two, last time we saw them they were pretty much the closest in the family besides the Allison/Vanya link; here, Diego's almost contemptous. Has he levelled up in his mind now he's bffs with Luther?) I wanted to find the scene with him and Ben endearing, since we get so few interactions with Ben and any one besides Klaus, but it wasn't even that personally linked to them beyond 'Remember our one specific memory? Anyways, lolz, u should keep Klaus' body, idgaf.')

Allison Allison I think suffers from a lot of the same problems as she was introduced with - like Vanya, her powers are kind of linked to a lack of control in a way that the guys aren't; and a lot of her development is offscreen.

I actually really enjoyed the episode focusing on her, though, I thought it was one of the strongest of the season.

Her husband got a bit OTT with his catchphrase - where Diego's was 'JFK', Ray's was very clearly ' the movement!' and I found it odd how easily all the siblings but especially Allison gave up on returning to their own time and committed to another relationship built on lies (albeit this time of omission - baby steps!) but I kind of like that, like that's Allison, kind of co-dependent and self-deceiving.

Really, I feel like Allison's more interesting when they plunge into her darker side, I was riveted in the 'more!' scene, as well as the 'I heard a rumour you killed your brother'.

I think it's especially important as she's a WOC, which this season focused on more, like, it's very important not to fall into the common writing trap where the guys are allowed to be vindictive or needy or selfish and the women are there to be the moral guidance (for the same reason, I also loved the Five/Vanya stand-off); and that goes double for the model minority bit.

I was worried that they'd fall into the trap of Allison needing to be twice as good not just with how the sit-ins were portrayed but also generally (she speaks seven languages! She makes extensive notes on the state of race relations with specific regard to Dallas in the 1960s!) and once more, it seemed like Emmy Raver Lampman was trying to put across a more interesting read on Allison in terms of how isolated she was from any awareness of oppression in the outer world, first in the Academy and then through being a powerful celebrity and the contrast that creates for her in Dallas which didn't quite get met by the writing/direction.

It was great to see how she got to become part of a community in a way the others didn't, also, and particularly being protected by the beauty shop ladies when she arrived; like, the imbalance of genders as well as races in the Academy genuinely made it refreshing to see.

(The relapse is also very up and down in tone, like they make attempts at pathos, but it's also accompanied by the Styx soundtrack/60s light effects...)

Klaus and Ben - Probably my least favourite aspect of this season.

There was a bunch of telling not showing (Klaus' three year sobriety being expressed in Ben's expository sentence and that .5 second shot of him turning down a joint) and once you remove the biggest impacts on Klaus' character (the addiction and his power) without explanation, you're basically left with 'Klaus causes problems for himself for comedic value.'

I don't really care about who fights well or which powers are developed (didn't read the comics, don't plan to) but it seems to be like the best portrayals of superheroes show the powers as metaphors for their lives - Vanya struggles to control her emotions, Ben feels powerless, etc. If you take away the powers, you take away the reasoning behind the character.

Why is Ben pretty much the only ghost (particularly when in S1, they seemed ever-present)? How or why did Klaus learn to summon them in the alt-apocalypse?

I liked the scene of Klaus interacting with Ray before they find out he's married to Allison, that was cute.

I also liked seeing him interact with Vanya and Allison (there was an interesting shot where Allison says she has a life she worked for, and Klaus smiles - is that because in contrast, he doesn't? I'd have liked them to acknowledge the link between cults and celebrity, tbh, those two have a lot in common. Or is it because she isn't using her power and neither is he?), and I thought it was cool to note how when the group are reunited, they fall into a power structure right away.

Like, right away, Klaus sells out Vanya and Allison to the guys ('It's usually Vanya!' or mentioning how Allison's being 'involved in community politics'.) Likewise, everyone kowtows to Five, then Luther, over the rest (like when Five says they won't go with Vanya to the farm) and no one speaks up for Diego in front of Reginald.

I want to give the others the benefit of the doubt and say they were kind of shitty to Klaus in particular in this season because they were in a group, because it's a huge downgrade in compassion (especially since Allison was like, covering him with a blanket when they're alone.)

Like, I get sibling culture, I have 'em, but I feel like when you're bringing possible 'seizures' up, you're sort of skirting what's then played as comedic (Luther dragging him, the 'check please' line), especially Diego's: 'He's probably having an overdose.' (Kinda seeing why no one rushed to join Team Zero.)

Like, he and Klaus do just kind of seem contrivedly not communicating - I would think after the isolation, you'd crack through boredom if nothing else.

Ben's kind of an odd duck - I feel like with Steve Blackman's comments, he's supposed to be this philosophical voice of reason; but tbh, he seems as self-involved as Klaus, and if anything, they mirrored each other (that line in S1 about Klaus being cowardly plays a little differently after the revelation 'He was afraid to go into the light'...) rather than separating him into his own person.

I mean, I don't want Saint Ben (or St. anyone!), but Ben does kind of irritate, like it's not like he even particularly gets much wit or personality in his lines (and I doubt Justin Min would be short of inspiration there, so it does seem to be a writing choice) or they give him much warmth or concern (I still like that shot of him walking off in the sixth episode of S1, though - where is he off to?!) In S1, we do at least get to see him panicking and how helpless he must feel that he can't alert the others to danger etc. He doesn't really offer opinions that offer a personal philosophy beyond 'Stop being a junkie' (he was willing to shut off Grace - was that to tick off Klaus for taking the opposite opinion, or is he super pragmatic generally?) or 'Admit it, Klaus, Luther's Okay!' (Again, is this nostalgia for the other siblings, or what? It would have been nice to have Ben interact with all his siblings, considering they included the whole possession plot for less than necessary stuff like 'Ben kisses a girl!' and 'Vomit shenanigans!')

I just feel like his personality was kind of an afterthought still, and it made his sacrifice for Vanya, touching as it was, feel a little unearned.

Why doesn't Klaus tell Ben he wants to go back for Dallas for Dave? Why doesn't Ben tell Klaus he wants to go back to San Francisco for Jill? Was Ben in Vietnam? How come he's gone from using Dave as A Reason to Get Clean to a 'fling' - dark reading of Ben, tbh, like does he want Klaus clean purely for his own gain, and now he is, Dave's of no further value? What does Ben think Klaus is looking Dave up for - he says it's 'selfish', does he literally think Klaus is just there to hook up with Dave pre-death? It's hard to parse whether Ben has a low opinion of Klaus in particular or whether he, like the rest of them, has kind of adopted to a point Reginald's views - it was neat to see a comparison of the two there.

The possession stuff was a cool parallel, as well, if underused on the whole - Ben's happy to take advantage of Klaus' body despite his clear ambivalence and then outright refusal; Klaus is happy to take advantage and have sex with his own cult followers.

The cult stuff was even less strong, imho - I said last year how I'd enjoy a darker reading of Klaus, as S1 I felt sometimes was unfair to the others in that we see them being impatient with him; but never how his addiction would have impacted upon them negatively; but here, there's no real exploration of Klaus' narcissism or manipulation (in fact the plot seems to play out exactly the same as Allison's in S1 - we start with all the action about why they pursued fame etc. dealt with offscreen, and begin when the lead has already tired of it all.)

I mean, Klaus is self-destructive, as we saw in S1, but here it's an odd combination, like he's at once both cowardly of physical harm (in a way he wasn't really in S1, even post-Dave, so it doesn't seem to be in reaction to his death) but also running a cult for the attention, but the attention is presented as negative almost exclusively throughout.

Like, I'd get it if it was an interest in money and the finer things in life, even, you could make an interesting point there (and iirc, Robert Sheehan and I think Emmy Raver Lampman have) about how while the Hargreeves were abused, they were also 'spoilt rich kids'; and reflect on that; but it's literally just there for gags.

There's no real explanation for the cult itself (they literally just regurgitate pop culture references) or an exploration of Klaus as a con artist (again - here's where you could show some kind of progression in character, whether it's forward or backwards, and use the powers; and have Klaus working as a shady medium, but nope, it's physical comedy only.)

You could delve into his refusing to even tell the others about Ben's presence, but that's handwaved as much as ever (Five didn't go 'Huh, well, Ben was there when the Soviets came...') not just from the other siblings, but also Ben and Klaus themselves.

‘Cause I could see how Klaus would feel guilty about saying that, regardless; but then Ben's all 'Well, I was chicken to go anyway'

It might have been a little more affecting if Ben's motivation for possessing Klaus wasn't Jill, a character we know exactly zero about, but talking to his family; not to mention a lot more sympathetic towards Ben himself. As it is, it plays more like he's petty and jealous Klaus gets to be alive, rather than frustrated that Klaus is essentially silencing him.

And again, that's fine, maybe that is Ben, he stopped aging at 17, after all, but I'm not sure what the point is of a plot where we don't really get to see much exploration of either character.

Like, what did we learn about Klaus from this specific sub-plot? We knew in S1 he felt guilty that Ben died young, and that he was happy to allow his siblings to believe Ben is gone.

Likewise, Ben? We knew in S1 he was envious of Klaus being alive, and bitter that his position was so powerless.

It was nice to see the teenage actors (did they dub Teen!Klaus??? Odd.) post Ben's death, but it kind of didn't resolve much, really - it seemed like Klaus was supposed to be bullshitting about the 'golden light' and whether or not you can just...'go' whenever you please, but then it seemed like it turned out to be true?

(Might want to have mentioned that, then, like I get he's a Hargreeves and therefore a fail at interpersonal relationships, but you'd think it wouldn't take a smart guy to figure that if your brothers already toying with self-destruction in his teen years, it might not be the most genius move to additionally allow him to believe you're trapped in the 'real torture' of berating him endlessly solely due to his advice; if for no other reason than your one link to humanity is then going to keep up the booze and drugs that blocks you from his presence.)

I was inclined to like the Dave subplot a little more than I did last season, just because something was happening at all (and we got some tiny semblance of Dave's personality, even if it was basic as hell - he likes hamburgers!), but I feel like the Dave recasting thing really stretched credulity.

I would guess it was written backwards, in terms of if Dave was the clearly fully grown adult we saw in S1 a mere five years later, why wouldn't he just go 'Oh, thanks for the tip, dude, I'll avoid all that military jazz'? And why wouldn't Klaus just be like 'Fuck it, can we not just...date now?' Aha, we could make him a little younger, chuck in a Mean Uncle, throw in some manufactured conflict, and zow-pow!

It definitely wasn't the most contrived plot ever or anything (or even on this show), but I did feel like it's weird that again, via the cult, we're kind of asked to see Klaus as this expert manipulator of people, when he seemed almost purposefully stupid here (like, even compared with Luther and Diego.)

Why act as if the only chance you'll ever have to see the guy in the same timezone as you is right that second in front of his crazed uncle? Why say you've tried everything when you met the kid three times (once instigated by him, and I have to say, it's sort of odd, like Klaus is just drinking throughout, like you'd think this would be the one opportunity he'd take to truly and honestly engage without that) and basically just asked him twice, and in the least convincing way possible.

Shoot him in the foot! Burn down the recruitment office! Use your international platform and pull with local government to influence your huge movement towards stopping the war in Vietnam!

Like, if what you're going for is that Klaus is defeatist and unimaginative, fine, but I'm not sure it's not just that they kind of didn't write beyond the circular 'telling him only made him sign up sooner' casuality because it's so Tragic.

(Also, I feel like they're overplaying the iconography of those damn dogtags, like at this point, Klaus looking sadly at the dog tags has still probably had more screen time than Dave himself.)

I liked the scene with him and Vanya facing off?

Five I think didn't really get much more development than S1, he drives the plot forward, but not much else. In fact, in S1, he probably was more interesting, in that he interacted with all of his siblings and showed moments of vulnerability and care (knowing Claire's name, telling Luther not to waste his life, asking Klaus if he was okay) and got to properly react to his siblings' deaths.

Um...it was cool to have two of him?

It was nice and kind of ambigious where he lied to her about the cause of the apocalypse, like you could go by what he said about how he wanted to avert her anger, or you could wonder if it's a rare moment of kindness in his old age, lol.

I also loved it when he said to Luther about whether he could talk to her 'without squeezing her to death'.

I found Sissy probably the most interesting of the new characters (probably her and Lila more so than Lil!Dave and Ray, tbh.)

Vanya I probably have the least to say about. I was satisfied with how they portrayed the culpability of the others, particularly Luther, without erasing Vanya's part in the apocalypse. (I really, really hope this'll end the endless discourse on her emails book now, that got tired fast.

I could also do without the endless 'lolz, Ellen Page was so bad at playing straight they had to write Vanya as gay'. Ellen Page is pretty convincing as an actor - I bought her raping Rainn Wilson in 'Super', for god's sake, I doubt 'heterosexual' is a challenge.)

The amnesia plot was pretty cliched, and it did mean we didn't get so much actual interaction between the 'real' Vanya (so to speak) and her siblings but I really enjoyed the dream sequence of her in the academy.

#the umbrella academy #ua meta #meta #s2 #i didn't love it #to warn you #luther hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #vanya hargreeves #ben hargreeves #allison hargreeves #diego hargreeves

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itsclydebitches · 4 years

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RWBY Recap: “Cordially Invited”

Only a week late, folks! Can’t say I’m surprised, what with the holidays underway and my normal schedule all topsy-turvy. Still, at least now there’s a little something to fill the RWBY-less hole this Saturday. Always a silver lining.

We begin the episode with our group discussing their upcoming dinner---Oscar included! We’re off to a great start. We learn that Jacques supposedly just wants to “break bread and hash things out,” but anyone with two brain cells to function together know that’s a load of BS. What frustrates me is Ruby’s attempts to spin this as a good thing because they supposedly want Ironwood to start “opening up” to “these people.” Yeah... there’s so much wrong with that. Normally Ruby’s optimism is one of the personality traits I love most about her, but lately that optimism has been twisted into naivety at best, that pro-protagonist perspective at worst. We saw this in Volume Six where the optimistic “We’ll find some way into Atlas!” became an attack on Argus. Now, Ruby’s “Maybe this won’t be so bad!” is functionally an attack on Ironwood. The responsibility lies with him to achieve that good outcome: he needs to open up to the horrendously corrupt abuser that Weiss at least suspects might be involved with Salem. Note that Ruby doesn’t extend those same expectations to herself and her team. She doesn’t claim that they all should “open up” to Jacques in the name of crafting better relations. No, she immediately jumps to having Weiss spy on him in order to get ahead in the game. For the record, I don’t give a damn if the group commits “bad” actions against Jacques (more on that below) because again, Jacques is an evil, corrupt abuser. Rather, it’s just that continuing issue of hypocrisy. Ruby expects Ironwood to “open up” to him and make peace over dinner, but only expects herself and her friends to give him what’s for. Insert [Ozpin and Ironwood must never keep secrets or tell lies, but we’re allowed to] here. Same song, different tune.

Oscar at least points out how idiotic that perspective is from a practical perspective. He doesn’t call Ruby out on the expectation that Ironwood make nice with the man they want to keep Weiss five billion feet away from, but he does acknowledge that such expectations can’t be fulfilled at this time in this place. Jacques has tailored this dinner to benefit him and him alone. He will control the conversation, so good luck getting around that.

Weiss: “I think my dad would do whatever it takes to win.”

Ruby: “And we should do the same.”

Granted, “whatever it takes” comes to mean spilling some food which obviously is in no way comparable to Jacques’ entire existence. The viewer doesn’t know that’s coming though. When we first hear them, these lines are another nod to the closing gap between the “heroes” and the “villains”---whether we’re defining a “villain” as someone like Jacques or someone like Ozpin. The theme is there. The group is willfully adopting the same choices as those they oppose. If Ozpin is going to lie to us then we’ll lie to Ironwood. If Jacques is going to do whatever it takes then so will we. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. As I’ve mentioned in non-recap metas, RWBY has now created a harsh world where by-the-book heroics will only hurt you in the end. If Ozpin had never kept secrets I don’t believe he would have achieved that extraordinary time of peace. If Blake and Yang hadn’t killed Adam they still would have a murderous abuser stalking them. We clearly have a story where the concept of a lesser evil exists...it’s just that we’re continually turning around to insist that the group is somehow better than everyone else for also doing what they have to to survive.

Which brings me to the fact that if Blake and Yang told everyone else about Robyn, we get not indication of that here. The only nod to last episode’s huge decision was Robyn’s shock that Jacques doesn’t already know what the Amity tower is for, but she’s cut off before she can reveal anything in front of Ironwood. So until proven otherwise... here’s another secret. Not just from an adult in a position of authority, but from the rest of the team as well. Given that Blake hid her faunus status and time in the White Fang, Yang continues to hide her knowledge of the Spring Maiden, both of them are helping to keep at least three major secrets from Ironwood, and are now keeping the Robyn secret from everyone else... no leg to stand on. Not to be dramatic on main, but if either of them ever pulls another, “How dare you keep secrets?!” I’m gonna go absolutely feral lol.

Anyway, back to the plot.

There are no new models of the group in fancy dinner clothes. I in no way had my hopes up for that, but it was fun seeing the posts theorizing about it and I can understand others’ disappointment. That definitely would have been a nice surprise, if an insane amount of work for what amounts to ten minutes of screen time.

Instead everyone just shows up in their normal gear and we get a telling exchange between Ironwood and Winter where she informs him he’d have to pay her to smile. I’m really glad she got a lot of attention this episode, both because we expect as much with her returning to the Schnee manor and because, if she’s going to become the next Winter Maiden, we really need to develop her character some. Even just setting up that she might become a Maiden demands that Winter be more than just Ironwood’s second hand and Wiess’ big sis. Who is she on her own? We start getting a glimpse of that here.

Before her outburst though, the group arrives en masse looking like a small army knocking on Jacques’ door. They’re greeted by Whitley who comments on that, asking Ironwood how large he thinks their dining room table is. Absolutely humongous, obviously. Not really the point though. This is clearly Rooster Teeth poking fun at their own massive cast, which would be more enjoyable if the number of characters didn’t constantly hinder the story. Personally, I’d prefer that they actually tackle underdeveloped or mostly dropped characters (like Maria) rather than just joking about it, but anyone keeping up with these recaps already knows that. If we’re not going to get a better structured story I’ll take some jokes here and there. Laugh about it when you can.

Although, I will say that Rooster Teeth does a good job with a minor character here, namely Klein. Whitley makes a dig at Weiss over how he was let go. Wonder how that could have happened. Klein, to my mind at least, was always meant to be a one shot sort of deal. He was introduced to help Weiss escape and once he’d achieved that was no longer useful to the story. It makes sense that we left him behind, but it’s nevertheless wonderful to get a bit of closure. Sad closure, but closure nonetheless. Now, if Rooster Teeth wants to keep him out of the picture we technically have a complete story. We know who Klein was, what he did, and what happened to him in the aftermath. Yet by keeping him alive and away from the Schnees, there’s always the potential that we’ll run into him again someday. I’m quite satisfied with that balance. It’s much better than what I was expecting, namely for Weiss to return home and conveniently not run into him because that would complicate things. Here we’re given an in-character explanation for his absence. Of course Jacques would fire him.

Finally, in the realm of massive casts and character development, I’ve got to admit that I’m disappointing with Penny being there. Simply because it once and for all shatters the hope that this well-executed frame job will amount to anything. If she’s attending a dinner with Jacques Schnee then things are fine. I said that I wasn’t convinced of this “Penny might be deactivated!” consequence before and I’m definitely not convinced of it now. Theoretically another consequence could have been Ironwood losing his council position, but we don’t see that either. Jacques references Ironwood’s inability to catch whoever hacked them at Beacon and his inability to catch whoever attacked Robyn’s supporters as reasons for being untrustworthy, both of which stand without the frame job. It’s incidental. Tyrian could have just killed everyone as Tyrian and it would have had the exact same effect. All the framing has done is make Penny sad (which hasn’t led to any development yet) and get Pietro to spill the beans about her aura (which could have happened in a thousand other ways). I was so pleased at this setup and the ingenuity of the villains, wondering what sort of impact this framing would have, but now we see the impact is minimal at best. If you frame a character for murder but have no other major character questioning their guilt and they’re out in public two episodes later... what was the point of the framing? Penny’s presence here is disappointing. Not because I don’t love Penny, but simply because of more missed opportunities. At this point I’m wondering why they bothered to bring her back at all. We’re not going to have Ruby grapple with the resurrection of her friend. We’re not going to deal with Penny taking the heat for Tyrian’s murders... Why is she here?

Also, not to distract from these important questions but... that.

That.

Friends, I cannot quite convey how confused I was at first. This is obviously supposed to be akin to the Jaguar ornament but... that’s a raptor, right? Have we seen raptor-type grimm? Am I missing something?? Yes, yes I am. Turns out RWBY Rex is a thing I never knew about and I can now only assume this is another Easter egg. Either that or I’m still missing something. Which is always possible. Either way it made me laugh.

The group heads inside and then splits, Ironwood, Clover, Winter, and Penny going into the dining area. Clover makes a quip about needing luck and Qrow points out that he’s already been invited. I can easily see why so many people are shipping them, but as a hardcore ozqrow shipper myself I’m already biased to view this as friendship. Maybe if we see more of Clover and he doesn’t die like everyone thinks he will I’ll find space in my heart for a dual ship. Either way it’s sweet. As much as I’d like Qrow to acknowledge the best friend he already has two feet away in the body of a kid he hasn’t treated particularly well, I’m nevertheless here for Qrow having healthy and supportive relationships.

We also get to see him refusing a glass of wine. Thank you! Again, it’s pretty late in the game to introduce this and we’re still given no insight into why Qrow is willing to battle his addiction now when he’s succumbed to it for most of his life, but at least they’re maintaining the work needed to stay sober. Qrow politely refuses the offer (from a faunus waiter. No surprise there given Jacques’ racism) and removes himself from temptation by offering to patrol the grounds. Very nicely done. The other Ace Ops join him, warning the newbie huntsmen not to wander off, not to break anything, and make sure you’re available if Ironwood needs you.

To which Yang provides the counter point that they should wander off, they should break things, and all the rest. Jaune later says, “What was that about breaking things?” Admittedly, these lines originally rankled. Because as much as Jacques deserves all the snooping and breaking our team can dish out, I maintain the position that they need to act more responsibly, especially now that they’re officially on the job. We’ve already got Blake and Yang deciding to go behind their bosses’ back. We don’t need them aggravating a situation when they’re the ones who want Ironwood to do that “opening up.” Jacques controlling the situation aside, Ironwood is even less likely to make headway if his guests are off causing trouble.

Which is why I’m so thrilled they didn’t. I’ll be blunt and say straight out that this was a fantastic way to do things. They’re allowed to get food. Nothing wrong with that. We already know Nora is a big eater and tends to be impulsive. If she just happens to pile a plate crazy high, it just happens to hit another guest, and she just happens to douse Whitley in wine? Well... who could have seen that coming? It’s a way of causing mayhem without endangering others or their mission. It achieves the one very specific thing they need: give Weiss an opening to sneak off. No one went overboard. No one else actually snuck off to break things. It was an all around smart plan. Unlike the group attacking Cordovin or Weiss dumping a racist in the trash when they’re supposed to keep a low profile, this is the kind of decision making I can get behind. Something that demonstrates the maturity the group continues to insist they have alongside keeping their playful personalities.

Also, just look at Ren’s smile. That might be the first smile we’ve gotten from him all season. That’s a blessed image, right up there with Oscar stealing hors d'oeuvres the second he walks through the door. Our farm boy is hungry and he’s going to milk Jacques’ wealth for all it’s worth.

The other thing this scene gives us---besides the joyous image of Whitley drenched in wine and Weiss’ amusement over it---is the split screen technique. On the whole I think Rooster Teeth chucks this in too often. There have been many times since the beginning of Volume Six, especially during fight scenes, where the split screen doesn’t feel necessary to me and is even at times quite distracting. Here though? I think it works. The split screen montage used to show the many people involved in, say, a heist is a pretty common technique and it adds another spot of humor to this situation. They’re plotting and executing their food spill with all the sincerity of a bank robbery. I’m here for that.

As Weiss heads upstairs we turn our attention to the meeting with Jacques. It goes about as well as anyone expects. A lot happens in that short span of time though. Robyn sarcastically points out that she should just be happy to have been “invited to the table” and though there’s another black woman across from her, it stands out to me that Robyn, a comparatively dark skinned woman to the rest of the group, says this while the shot poises her between two very white, powerful men. Even the phrase “invited to the table” has gender and racial implications for the audience watching, outside of Robyn’s in-world characterization as a Robin Hood type focused on class. Going off of these themes, we also hear Ironwood reassuring Jacques of their safety by claiming that “Penny is completely under my control.” This, hands down, is the worst thing I’ve seen Ironwood do this volume. Sure, things like the embargo and the supplies have objectively worse consequences, but the story has done a lot to demonstrate the “greater good�� justifications behind those choices. We might not agree with Ironwood, but we’re supposed to understand that (until proven otherwise) he has good motivations. Here? That comment is pretty horrible. Ironwood refers to Penny as if she’s a weapon or a tool, a young woman who he believes he literally has control over. It’s a fascinating look into his perspective and a pretty logical one as well. Here’s a man who has put so much faith in his technology, from amassing an army to protect his kingdom to relying on prosthetics to get around. He asked his team to create a new security measure and they did... they just happened to create a person along with it. I’m not sure Ironwood fully understands that yet. He trusts Penny enough to bring her into his own inner circle, but he likewise thinks he can manage her like he would a gun or a vehicle, dictating whether she has friends and announcing that she is under his control. I hope that this is something the writing explores and helps Ironwood work through, rather than just letting it sit as generic evidence that he’s a bad (as opposed to flawed) person. I think Ironwood would realize his mistake and work to correct it if someone pointed out the issue, in the same way we’ve seen him considering, settling, and agreeing with the issues the group has seen fit to yell at him lately.

What interests me most about this whole interaction is (shocking) this continued debate regarding secrets and trust. Overall Rooster Teeth has actually succeeded in creating a decently complex situation here. We know that (again, until proven otherwise) Ironwood has only good intentions and we likewise know that Jacques is now connected to Salem. The information the audience has makes us biased. We know who is supposedly good and supposedly bad. At the same time though, the actual issue appears to be removed from that. Jacques’ side---notably expressed through a new character who acts as a more neutral party---points out that from where they stand there’s no reason for this embargo. We know there’s a reason. Ironwood knows there’s a reason. Because we all know about Salem. But the other council members are making entirely reasonable demands given the information they have: why are you continuing to hurt both the people and our relationship with others? What’s the justification? You can’t give us one? Then why in the world would we let you keep doing this? It puts us in the discomforting position of knowing Jacques is an evil slim ball manipulating the conversation while likewise having to admit that his side has a point. You can’t just announce Salem’s existence because that would make things exponentially worse, but keeping her secret has its definite downsides.

Where Jacques’ party doesn’t have a good position is in his insistence that because Ironwood hasn’t caught these various perpetrators he can’t be trusted, equating trust with results. There’s only so many ideas, resources, and luck that can lead you to catching someone like Tyrian. I understand that knee-jerk reaction, the idea that because someone hasn’t succeeded you should replace them with someone you assume will, but in situations like this you only have so much control over the probability of success. Claiming that Ironwood not catching criminals is indicative of an inability to lead is flimsy, but as we’ve seen, Jacques is a manipulator. He tosses these assertions out as if they’re facts. He and the others continually cut Ironwood off, refusing to let him defend himself. It’s not at all surprising that Winter, someone who suffered under his abuse, eventually explodes with, “You can’t just buy trust like everything else! You have to earn it.” Winter is someone I’m particularly interested in seeing react to the group’s secret keeping because from her perspective, she and Ironwood have earned the group’s trust a hundred times over. Again, provided the story isn’t hiding something from us and Winter is secretly in on some plot with Ironwood, we’re seeing this volume how she’s done the work her father couldn’t and it still wasn’t enough. Her peers, including her baby sister, still decided they weren’t going to trust her with secrets that are intimately tied up in their current work and choices.

Frustrating moral questions aside, something I really loved about this scene was the character setup and the cinematography. Having Jacques with his two allies on one side, Ironwood mirroring that on the opposite end of the table, and Robyn sitting poised between the two, the audience still unsure whose side she’ll fall on. That aerial shot showing off the distance between them all? Excellent visual storytelling.

We get a quick conversation between Winter and Penny which I don’t have too much to say about. Merely that I love Penny for checking up on Winter and I love Winter for correcting her assumption: I’m not saying you wouldn’t understand because you’re a robot, I’m just saying these problems are very specific to me and being in this place. That was particularly reassuring after Ironwood’s comments. Penny ends the scene by saying she doesn’t understand why Winter wouldn’t want to follow her heart. Perhaps an odd comment coming from someone who almost blindly obeys the orders she’s given even when she doesn’t agree---such as not making more friends---but then, it may well be a ‘do as I say, not as I do’ situation. Just because Penny isn’t sure how to always follow her own heart doesn’t mean she can’t encourage others to do the same.

We return to Weiss who, after getting past a curious server, makes it to her father’s office. I feel like this is the scene people are most invested in, considering that I’ve seen a LOT of posts lately trying to demonize Willow for her comment about Whitley. Here’s what people need to remember about Willow moving forward: she’s as much a victim of abuse as Weiss is. She is, presumably, Jacques’ first victim, fully entrenched in his abuse by the time her kids started coming along. As a mother does she have a responsibility to her children? Absolutely, but that doesn’t erase the fact that she’s simultaneously a woman attempting to survive domestic abuse.

(That’s another stunning shot hell yes.)

Initially Weiss takes the side of the posts I’ve seen, painting her mother as someone who made a conscious decision to let the abuse happen---another abuser herself, one out of passiveness. “Some of us are trying to do something about it,” Weiss says, emphasizing that she’s better because she’s doing what her mother never could: fighting back. Ignoring for a moment the highly dubious insistence that abuse victims must simply ‘do something’ about that abuse (it’s not that simple at all), Weiss quickly realizes that she was wrong. Her mother has been doing something, namely setting up hidden cameras around the house for some spying of her own. Why? “For our safety.” To make sure that if Jacques ever goes farther than he already has, Willow will know about it and can take appropriate steps. Is taking precautions against something worse better than leaving a situation that’s already horrific? Of course not, but as said, abuse isn’t just something you can fix. Even if you know it’s happening. This is a woman doing all she can and what someone is capable of in an abusive relationship is based on them and that context, not what others believe is fighting back “enough.”

Willow then reassures everyone, Weiss and the audience alike, that she doesn’t expect Weiss to be the family savior.

Willow: “You haven’t come back to stay, have you?” Weiss: “No.” Willow: “Good.”

That first line potentially reads as a plea. We might have gotten a scene where Willow is disappointed that Weiss isn’t coming back because she doesn’t want to face this family alone. While a very human and understandable desire, it’s likewise not okay to expect another abuse survivor to return to their abuser after they’ve gotten out. In that hypothetical scene the fandom would have a basis for going, “No. That’s... not okay.” But we don’t get that. Willow is thrilled that Weiss both got out and has no intention to return. She wants her daughter safe. That parental instinct outweighs any selfish, human desire to not suffer this situation alone.

Keep the above point in mind when we read the line, “No matter what happens, Weiss, please don’t forget about your brother.” Willow isn’t telling Weiss to return to the house and save him. She’s not even telling her to forgive him. Just don’t forget him. Remember that he’s not a mini Jacques. He’s another young abuse victim. He’s just like you. When we look at the family dynamic it’s clear that in some ways Weiss had a leg up from her brother that helped her get out. Namely, she had Winter. They’re the ones who are close among the siblings and thus Weiss had a role model to follow. Winter, however she managed it, got out and forged her own path. We then see throughout the series how closely Weiss emulates that, from going into combat herself and having Winter train her. The two actions---fighting and escape---are connected in Weiss’ Volume 5 short. Winter tells her that if she wants to get out she has to get better. That’s your route.

In contrast, Whitley has shown no interest in combat and thus doesn’t have that path to emulate. He’s not a girl and is thus automatically treated as the next Jacques, not the next Winter or even Willow. Most importantly, Whitley doesn’t have a close relationship with an older sibling to guide him.

That’s all Willow is asking of Weiss: be for Whitley what Winter was to you. Don’t forget about him. Don’t pretend he doesn’t exist. Don’t fall into the lie Whitley himself believes, that he’s set to be the next Jacques. He’s really an abused 14-15 year old who has suffered through everything we have. So if there ever comes a time where Whitley falters in this belief or you’re given an opening... please treat him like your brother, not your father.

I think that’s a perfectly reasonable thing for a mother to ask and we can easily see via Weiss’ expression that she’s coming to all these realizations too.

“Of course [Whitley doesn’t want anything to do with you.] You left him alone. With us.” That’s not an accusation, it’s a fact. As established, Willow is happy that Weiss got out, but like with so much in RWBY the best decision doesn’t mean it’s a consequence-free decision. In this case the consequence is that Weiss and Winter left their little brother alone with their abuser. They had to for their own mental health and their safety, but they nevertheless did it. So if there ever comes a time when they can help alleviate that consequence, please do.

It likewise doesn’t escape my notice that, again, Whitley is a guy. Just like the fandom was unwilling to accept Ozpin as an abuse victim, people seem hesitant to accept Whitley as an abuse victim either. From what I’ve seen (and there are admittedly always exceptions) Whitley’s shitty behavior hasn’t gotten an a fraction of the sympathy Weiss’ shitty Volume 1-3 behavior got. They’re three years apart at most. If Weiss is a victim then so is her little brother. Don’t let the Jacques’ genetics and learned behavior fool you.

Finally, we end on Watts. The man who continues to be THE most dramatic bitch in this entire series.

We watch as he shuts down the system keeping Mantle warm. Rather than rain, snow starts to fall. Whether this will be just another generic thing going wrong to make the people angry and Ironwood seem incompetent, or whether there’s a more dangerous downside here (we did hear from Weiss about the deadly temperatures...) remains to be seen.

And that’s it. You know, I think that’s the first time in nearly two volumes where I ultimately had more good things to say about an episode than bad. It’s a holiday miracle!

Until next Saturday ;)

#rwby #rwby volume 7 #rwby volume 7 spoilers #mymetas #rwby recaps

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ginmo · 5 years

Text

You're not delusional for entertaining the possibility of Brienne as YMB

“If you think anyone but [Insert Queen, most commonly Dany] is the YMB then you’re delusional” is something I have seen quite frequently, so I’ve been inspired to explain why that’s uh...well, complete bullshit.

To be delusional, you need to be spewing garbage without any reason or support and lack any sense of reality. But… there is plenty of evidence and reasoning, based in reality, to simply entertain a theory that isn’t [Insert Easy Choice].

Let me state that I'm not saying with total confidence that Brienne is YMB. I am not saying she is or is not. My claim is that Brienne is a perfectly logical candidate, and that being completely sold on a traditional choice, to the point where you’re publicly making asshole cocky comments about it, is risky af. I’m tired of people shutting down any discussion of it.

This is GRRM. This isn’t supposed to be easy (he literally said this, as shown below). There should be multiple interpretations to this prophecy. People who think it’s Brienne or Sansa or Marg or whoever may be wrong, or people who think it’s Daenerys may be wrong. Or maybe this is supposed to be ambiguous and we’ll never get a definitive answer. Maybe it’s multiple people. It all depends on what angle GRRM is going with. He could be going very literal and traditional with this, sure. Or, he could be going a more poetic route, which is also a style of his writing. Obviously by this post, I prefer the latter, but I see different angles. I’m not going to pretend I’m psychic by claiming I’m right and you’re wrong, and I’m not going misuse the word delusional. If you come after me later with, “LOL I TOLD YOU SO” I’m just going to say you missed the entire point of my post and my point is still 100% valid.

SO. Here is why you all have NO RIGHT to a) be so damn confident in your traditional choices and b) put down others for entertaining Brienne.

Hang on tight. This is long as fuck. First, you need to promise me you’ll do two things.

My two rules:

Consider authorial intent when thinking about meaning and trajectory and

Step outside the bubble and look at this story from a professional angle. A good narrative written by a professional author has structure and purpose.

Before I properly dive into this, let’s see what GRRM has to say about prophecies:

Prophecies are, you know, a double edge sword. You have to handle them very carefully; I mean, they can add depth and interest to a book, but you don’t want to be too literal or too easy…

I mean…. That should be enough to shake your confidence. He even gives an example.

In the Wars of the Roses, that you mentioned, there was one Lord who had been prophesied he would die beneath the walls of a certain castle and he was superstitious at that sort of walls, so he never came anywhere near that castle. He stayed thousands of leagues away from that particular castle because of the prophecy. However, he was killed in the first battle of St. Paul de Vence and when they found him dead he was outside of an inn whose sign was the picture of that castle! [Laughs] So you know? That’s the way prophecies come true in unexpected ways. The more you try to avoid them, the more you are making them true, and I make a little fun with that.

So you always want to frustrate our expectations, am I right?

Yes, it was always my intention: to play with the reader’s expectations. Before I was a writer I was a voracious reader and I am still, and I have read many, many books with very predictable plots. As a reader, what I seek is a book that delights and surprises me. - GRRM

A physically beautiful Queen, or physical beauty in general, would essentially be the Lord being correct of his fate and dying in that castle. The Lord expected to die in that castle. Cersei’s only expectation to YMB is to be “cast down and take all you hold dear” by a literal beauty, literal Queen. That is obviously the reader’s expectation as well. Hello fandom! Cersei doesn’t know who this literal beauty/literal Queen is. She constantly obsesses over WHO, but is always wrong, maybe because it isn’t surface level obvious and it’s her incorrect interpretation, just like lord’s interpretation was wrong. He didn’t die in a literal castle.

See, I’m obviously so delusional for thinking GRRM might be doing, um… exactly what he said? There’s nothing from reality to support an idea that GRRM may not go the easy, literal route. There’s absolutely no reason for me to think this may not be so simple.

….

-__-

Right.

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-Younger, More Beautiful-

Brienne is a possible candidate for the YMB.

...it was always my intention: to play with the reader’s expectations.

For both Cersei and the readers (again hello Freefolk, Twitter, Tumblr), Brienne as the unexpected YMB is a twist to the literal interpretation, fitting GRRM’s idea on how prophecies should be written.

“But everything that has happened about the prophecy was literal so duh this has to be literal!”

The literal parts of the prophecy were marrying the King and the number of children she’ll have. Yeah… there isn’t anything subjective to that, so it’s not surprising that it’s straightforward. She asked a question, Maggy gave her an answer. Besides the part with the children dying, the bit we’re talking about was stuff Maggy added in. Also, is there like a prophecy rule book somewhere I’m not aware of? Maybe consider that we got easy literal bits mixed in so we (and Cersei) are misdirected by the actual focus? Maybe consider that it’s possible for a prophecy to have some literal elements and some not? Maybe consider that a way more subjective (-cough-beauty-cough-) part of the prophecy isn’t as straightforward?

Moving on.

“Aye.” Malice gleamed in Maggy’s yellow eyes. “Queen you shall be… until there comes another, younger and more beautiful, to cast you down and take all that you hold dear.”- CERSEI VIII, AFFC

It’s common to see “younger more beautiful QUEEN” (YMBQ) floating around fandom. Technically, Maggy never says the person is a Queen, whether literal or symbolic. She says “another.” An equally valid interpretation of that can be, “someone else who is younger and more beautiful than you.”

“Um no, it definitely implies a Queen because the words after and because of the context.”

If you really want to argue that GRRM definitely implies Queen, well, here’s something to chew on.

I’m not going to describe how Brienne’s arc is definitely not ending as her being someone’s bodyguard for the rest of her life. That’s for another time. But that doesn’t even matter really, because it has been made intentionally clear that Brienne is her father’s only heir. Once Brienne’s father dies, even if she’s still active on the battlefield, someone’s bodyguard, or still fucking off somewhere, she will still technically be the Evenstar.

- The Evenstar -

The Evenstar was a title given to the Tarth Kings. That title is still used. Why? It’s interesting to think that GRRM gave random minor House Tarth a specific title used for Kings, and that he allowed the House to continue using that title. Because he created that title for that House and allowed them to keep it, that title becomes symbolic of their previous kingdom. This is similar to our real world where some nations or groups retain titles from their history as more of a symbol. Selwyn Tarth is still known as the Evenstar. Selwyn Tarth is a symbolic King. When he dies (which will probably happen soon), Brienne automatically inherits that title, making her a symbolic Queen. And we all know how much GRRM loves symbolic meaning.

“I still think it’s a LITERAL Queen.”

I mean, a possible theory is that the throne will be destroyed at the end of this and the realm will split back into separate kingdoms. Sooo, if that happens……………………….

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- What does Maggy mean by beautiful?-

I have a really hard time believing that GRRM wants everyone to sit down and argue over who is physically more beautiful between his characters. In every story there are themes explored and messages woven within, so each character with an arc is going to have themes and messages associate with them. One of the themes being explored with Cersei is beauty. (This theme is explored through both Jaime’s and Brienne’s arcs as well, which isn’t a coincidence.)

Cersei’s interpretation of beauty lies on the exterior This is an element of her narcissism (word by GRRM).

(“Cersei isn’t narcissistic????”

You can argue, well, does she genuinely love her children, or does she just love them because they’re her children? There’s certainly a great level of narcissism in Cersei. She has an almost sociopathic view of the world and civilization. - GRRM

Don’t even go there)

In her eyes, a person’s worth is tied to how physically attractive they are. She is obsessed over being beautiful, and her twin being beautiful. Her attitude towards her twin changes when he returns handless. Cersei’s interpretation of the prophecy is that she will be cast down by a physical beauty, which is why she goes after Margaery (Dany most likely later on/Dany in the show). But remember this?

you don’t want to be too literal or too easy

It’s possible GRRM isn’t talking about physical beauty here. a) too literal and b) Cersei is being taught a lesson, and the readers are being sent a message. Like, you know… what good quality literature does. This is important to understand. Maggy probably realizes this about Cersei (like any classic Beauty and the Beast Witch), thus fulfilling the prophecy on her own, her own downfall being caused by her inability to recognize power with inner beauty.

“But Cersei is bringing her own downfall by obsessively trying to avoid the prophecy. As GRRM said, ‘The more you try to avoid them, the more you are making them true.”

And by obsessively going after her interpretation of what beauty is, she’s missing what’s right in front of her face.

“He took Raventree and accepted Lord Blackwood’s surrender,” said her uncle, “but on his way back to Riverrun he left his tail and went off with a woman.”

“A woman?” Cersei stared at him, uncomprehending. “What woman? Why? Where did they go?”

“No one knows. We’ve had no further word of him. The woman may have been the Evenstar’s daughter, Lady Brienne.”

Her. The queen remembered the Maid of Tarth, a huge, ugly, shambling thing who dressed in man’s mail. Jaime would never abandon me for such a creature. My raven never reached him, elsewise he would have come.

- CERSEI I, ADWD

I mean… this right here, imo, is pretty significant, but it’s frequently ignored.

We see Cersei feeling a bit threatened by her rapid fire questioning of what, why, and where.

She places emphasis on Brienne’s looks.

The use of Her. That’s rather strong. GRRM could have taken “Her” out and started her thoughts with, “The queen remembered” but there’s something forceful - as if making a point- to use Her. GRRM also made sure the readers knew that Cersei knows of this woman, and knows what she looks like. From a narrative standpoint, if Brienne’s inner beauty contrasting her outward appearance isn’t an important element in the downfall of Cersei, then there’s literally no reason why Cersei needed to have seen Brienne before. Remember my rules? Yeah, apply them to this one.

“Er, Brienne’s appearance is mentioned so that Cersei knows to not be jealous.”

…I think, “Jaime would never abandon me for such a creature” is basically saying “LOL well he did.” It’s GRRM telling Cersei, and the readers, that her answer is right there, right under her fucking nose, but she’s too dense and superficial to see it, which is the point of the Brienne theory.

“It’s there just to show that Brienne is taking Jaime away even though she’s ugly, but it has nothing to do with YMB.”

Yes, that is also the point. Again, an interpretation of a key message of the prophecy is that beauty isn’t literal, and beauty lies within. If we’re looking at the prophecy as a lesson to both the readers and Cersei, similar to The Witch in Beauty and the Beast - a tale and theme GRRM has been confirmed writing, then… why wouldn’t that be connected? “Brienne the Beauty” is literally the only character to challenge Cersei’s superficial perceptions, and the only one who has been set up to do so. In other words, for this particular theory, narcissism and superficiality drives Cersei’s downfall.

Also, I find it curious that instead of saying, “Lord Selwyn Tarth’s daughter, Lady Brienne” which would have been way more straightforward and which he could have easily done, GRRM instead used his other title, “the Evenstar’s daughter” which basically translates to, “the Princess.” A possible nod to the future Evenstar, the future symbolic (or even potentially literal) Queen, if Cersei and readers want to interpret the person as a Queen.

Reminder: that’s a fact. Not wishful thinking. Regardless of what Brienne is doing or where she is, she will literally inherit the title the Evenstar.

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- Brienne the Beauty -

BRIENNE IS AN INNER BEAUTY. This has been intentional and made crystal clear over and over. Brienne is the Beastly Beauty. A… beauty who gives a lesson by challenging Cersei’s perception of beauty and…. She is intentionally written as younger and….. she will have a title that’s a symbolic Queen and… her story is tied to Cersei’s lover? :O

Look, it’s no secret that one of GRRM’s favorite narratives is Beauty and the Beast. As mentioned above, he is writing an adaptation of Beauty and the Beast.

George R.R. Martin said what he wanted to do was to take the traditional format of Beauty and the Beast and change the roles — and also the genders. - Gwendoline Christie

[GRRM] also said that when he wrote the story of Jaime and Brienne, he was taking the formula of Beauty and the Beast and turning it on its head. He wanted to see what it was like for the man to be the beauty and the woman to be the beast and how that would play out. - Gwendoline Christie

I spoke to George R.R. Martin about this, and he said that it was always his intention with Jaime and Brienne to take the classic Beauty and the Beast story, and turn it on its head. Brienne is not ‘unconventionally attractive’, she’s ugly, and she’s ugly to society. She is the beast.- Gwendoline Christie

He’s taking the traditional format (a romance) and switching the genders and roles. The entire point of BatB is to destroy the idea that love and beauty are determined by superficial qualities.

Guys again, I’m so delusional. There is nothing to see here. None of this is from anything real.

“But that’s just for Jaime.”

There can be other characters in a Beauty and the Beast adaptation. It’s an adaptation, not word for word. Other characters can be used to deliver the message, especially if the character is uh… linked to and romantically involved with one of the BatB inspired characters. For example, in the Disney adaptation we have Gaston (who… now that I think about it, actually has a similar Cersei way of thinking, ngl lol).

Brienne is the one character who has the actual name of Beauty associated with her. She is Cersei’s opposite. Brienne is the epitome of what Cersei cannot understand. A theme explored through Cersei is beauty, which is a theme that’s heavily explored through Brienne as well. Brienne’s character has been shaped around rejection due to her appearance. Literally every page in her POV is about how ugly and undesirable she is. Therefore, it’s very possible their characters are connected by a shared beauty theme.

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- The Prophecy -

Okay, the rest of this stupid thing for YMB. Here we go.

”Will I wed the prince?” she asked.

“Never. You will wed the king.”

Beneath her golden curls, the girl’s face wrinkled up in puzzlement. For years after, she took those words to mean that she would marry Rhaegar until after his father Aerys had died.

GRRM straight up telling the readers that Cersei interprets this shit incorrectly.

”I will be queen, though?” asked the younger her.

“Aye.” Malice gleamed in Maggy’s yellow eyes. “Queen you shall be… until there comes another, younger and more beautiful, to cast you down and take all that you hold dear.

“But ginmo, -sigh-, Cersei doesn’t hold Jaime most dear. The thing she holds most dear is power.”

Is she not always jealous and bitter over how Jaime is born to be heir and she is not? Does Jaime not represent the Lannister legacy she craves? Does Ms. “my brother is worth a thousand of your men” not lose any amount of power if Jaime stops doing what she wants? Is Jaime’s identity shift not influenced by Brienne the Beauty? Where is Jaime in both books and show? Couldn’t Brienne’s influence on Jaime mean Cersei loses power, a lover, her legacy? Jaime is power.

And then, again, there is also the straightforward route with the Kingdom splitting up possibility and Brienne the Evenstar….

Then we get this perfect little nugget.

Anger flashed across the child’s face. “If she tries I will have my brother kill her.”

I WILL HAVE MY BROTHER KILL HER I’M DYING. This is something that is repeated TWICE. Here in the prophecy and later in the chapter when she’s talking to Qyburn about the prophecy.

”...another queen, who would take from me all I loved.”

“And you wish to forestall this prophecy?”

More than anything, she thought. Even in the tent. “If she tries I will have my brother kill her.”

This is another moment to apply my two rules. There is literally no point to this being thrown in there if Jaime is not connected to the YMB, and definitely no point to emphasize a second time that she’d have her brother kill her. The words are not, “I will have her killed,” which could have left it ambiguous and easily been done. No, she (which is GRRM) specifically uses “my brother will kill her.” The irony is that, JAIME IS IN LOVE WITH HER. HE’S IN LOVE WITH THE BEAUTY.

“No, the irony is that by that time Jaime won’t listen anymore to her.”

I mean, that’s possible obvioiusly, but… yawn? That has practically zero emotional weight attached to it. I personally lean more towards this being a massive hint, that Jaime is the LAST person to kill the YMB, because he lost his heart to her, which makes it so delicious and juicy. GRRM is essentially having a massive evil laughing fit.

Another small note, during the Maggy the Frog scene, after delivering the YMB message to Cersei, Melara asks if she’ll marry Jaime. When they leave, Cersei kills Melara for wishing to marry Jaime, which is GRRM telling the readers that Jaime most certainly represents something Cersei holds dear, or else she wouldn’t be killing her. It’s not a coincidence this was right after she learned about the YMB.

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- Cersei is her own downfall -

The more you try to avoid them, the more you are making them true

In the show Cersei is threatened by Dany as YMB (since it’s possible she incorrectly interpreted the prophecy, wow what a concept that’s not possible at all). This was made clear by the script notes. Apply my rules here as well.

But what’s the meaning of Cersei being taken down by a physical beauty? That just… proves her right? That would be the Lord dying in the literal castle? It just supports Cersei’s superficial world view by sending absolutely no message to her character? From a narrative standpoint, there’s no point to have YMB be a literal beauty. Again, is it possible he’s going the literal route? YES. But considering GRRM implements a ton of metaphor and symbolic meaning in his work, that he literally said he’s writing a BatB narrative so Beauty Within is definitely present, and he straight up said he doesn’t like his prophecies to be entirely literal, I’m going to at least have fun and entertain the non-surface level interpretation, and I’m therefore not delusional for doing so.

And since Cersei is bringing her own downfall, how would Dany even fit? Dany would have been going after that throne regardless of whoever’s ass was sitting on it. Dany’s pursuit of the throne has absolutely nothing to Cersei, and everything to do with what she believes is her right. My point is, if Cersei’s butt wasn’t there, Dany would still be doing exactly what she’s doing. So how is Dany taking the throne a consequence of Cersei bringing it upon herself? Cersei and Dany are completely separate from one another. Even if AU Cersei was nice to all of her allies and Jaime, Ned knew the identity of her children, and therefore a fractured Westeros would still exist. She wouldn’t have had enough men to fight off Dany. None of that really matters anyway, because Daenerys still would have converted Houses through the use of her dragons. In the show, it’s been made clear that she thinks it’s now Dany so...… going back to my points outlined above, if she thinks it’s Dany, maybe it’s possible she’s wrong.

You know the one character Cersei will NEVER see as a threat, due to her narcissistic inability? Brienne the Beauty.

(Also for show!Cersei, I love how fandom is like “Valonqar can’t be Tyrion because Cersei thinks it’s Tyrion” and then in the same breath they go, “DO YOU SEE? Cersei thinks Daenerys is the YMB so it’s Daenerys!”..................................................... Like I said, GRRM and D&D could be going that way, but to use that logic is just…… what)

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-Book Structure-

Hey did you guys know that there’s actually thought and technique that goes into the formatting and structure of a book, especially a book series? That the structure of chapters and the format aren’t just randomly thrown together? DEFINITELY apply my two rules here.

When was this prophecy introduced? AFFC, the book Cersei AND Brienne conveniently got a POV, the book that is mostly Jaime, Cersei, and Brienne centric. Who has a POV chapter immediately after Cersei’s prophecy? Brienne. Why is it structured this way? Was it random that the book was mostly a Lannister twin + Brienne book? No...

What can that possibly imply?

The main story running through each of those characters is the same. In other words, those three are connected to the same subplot - BatB- and are therefore connected through the same themes.

POSSIBLE? Yes.

DELUSIONAL? No.

Also my favorite. Look at this chapter ending. LOOK AT IT. Feel the dramatic pause. DO YOU CLAIM THIS IS RANDOM?

I dare you tell me that there is no thought that goes into a chapter end.

I dare you to tell me that the Cersei chapter following is meaningless, like the structure of a book doesn’t go through an editing process, that chapter ends aren’t significant and the structures aren’t another element in the story telling process.

I dare you to tell me that “Brienne the Beauty” weren’t words intentionally chosen by a professional author.

We first hear about “younger, more beautiful” in CERSEI III - AFFC, and then Brienne is referred to as, “Brienne the Beauty” shortly after in BRIENNE III - AFFC. The only other time Brienne's nickname of “Brienne the Beauty” was mentioned was when Catelyn made note of it. It wasn’t in ASOS when there were plenty of opportunities, and it only came up again (...four times) right after Cersei thinks about YMB for the first time.

yEAH GUYS, DElUSIOnAL, wHat IS naRraTive StrUcTuRe AnD pROfESsIONAL fOrMAtTiNG? nOt rEaL LMFAO bRiEnNe’s nOt pOsSIbLe aT aLL

#jaime x brienne #brienne of tarth #jaime lannister #younger more beautiful #ymb #maggy the frog #long post #morons were my muse

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opinuun · 5 years

Text

Do you guys remember when this was a studio Ghibli blog and I’d post gifs? 2017 was a good year lol. Anyway. As a child, I never knew I’d thirst for a 2-D otome man, but sadly I’ve stopped. Yes, after two years of obsession, it’s time I retire from the fandom. I’m keeping the blog though. Ran this shit for years, ain’t gonna give up now that my horny-meter has plummeted to an all time record low. Did you guys know blogs don’t have a character limit??

Oh god. I didn’t know this blog would suddenly receive so much attention. Please, I am begging you to not scroll down. It’s endless MysticMessenger posts from two years ago.

Hey, I'm once again: back, you can't possibly have more time than I do. I mean, after all, I made this blog. You're only browsing it. And most people don't even come here. Not even my friends...*sniffle* The just ignore this poor, pathetic little page. All they do is fill out the TAB form and leave. I think. Maybe they're here right now! HI! HOW ARE YOU DOING? I'M FINE! THANKS FOR COMING! YES, I'M YELLING! Who am I kidding. This page won't get a single hit, unless I bribe people...now that has possibilities. Okay, fill out the TAB form, so I have proof that you bothered to come here and...uh...I'll...uh...send you a sandwich? Please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery. I'm bored. I'm gonna go hug a moose. MOOSE! I love-d you moose! Hey, I'm back again! Yea...*waits for applause* okay! Now I want all you loyal fans...*cricket chirps* to go to the link to see what I'm like. I took a whole bunch of personality quizzes and posted them there. I'm an evil villain, kitty and a freakazoid so far. And I only took the quiz once, too. Spooky how accurate they are...anyway, I command you to go! I'm going. I'm back. I'm gonna start counting how many times I say back. Let's see: 1...2...3...4...5! Wow. I must really be desperate for something to do. I now officially have proof that someone has been here! It was one of my friends. Apparently this page really is getting long, because my friend said something to that effect. Maybe. Anyway, moving on! I'm just basically typing nothing. Just like all those reports people have to do. You know? With a specific number of words. They start out with half that number, and then just fill in words until they have the right amount. I salute those people. You're great tradition is being carried out here, on the second most pointless site ever! Well. Maybe eventually some weird, bored person will wander onto my site on accident and be mildly entertained be my site until they wander onto a live video feed of a coffee maker. Or maybe not. I only know that I'm entertaining me, which was my original goal. So. I've done what I've set out to accomplish. Yea, me! I'm so special. You see, most people, they don't like reading or writing. So if you're not most people, you've made it down this far without skipping, skimming or getting the spark notes version. (Which I think does not exist) My point is, if you've bothered to read this, then, (like me) you probley have also read the ketchup bottle so many times that you have it down verbatim. Look verbatim up. It's a word. But, you should know that, since you like reading. Or maybe you're just skimming. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with reading food labels. You might be asked a question about them on a quiz show. And now, for the million-dollar question: How many calories are there in a single serving of Mustard? I can just see it now...It could be called Know-Your-Food. Or You are What you Eat. It'd probley be as popular as those game shows that no one's ever heard of. Speaking of food, what's up with pie? There's strawberry pie, apple, pumpkin and so many others, but there is no grape pie! I know. I'm just as upset about this unfortunate lack of development in the pie division. Think about it. Grapes are used to make jelly, jam, juice and raisins. What makes them undesirable for pie? Would they dry into raisins? Couldn't you just stick some jelly in a piecrust and bake it? It just doesn't make any sense. Another thing that bothers me is organ grinders. You know, the foreign guys with the bellhop hats and the little music thingy and the cute little monkey with the bellhop hat who collects the money? Okay. They're basically begging on the street. How did they ever afford an organ-thingy? Wouldn't it make more sense to get a kazoo, if you're broke? And if they're so poor, what possessed them to buy a monkey? I mean, I don't think I could afford a monkey, and I'm not exactly on the streets. Obviously I at least have a computer...so, back to the organ grinders. I would have sold the monkey and the organ and been able to eat for at least a year. Or, if I was weirder than I am, I could at least kill the monkey with the organ and eat it. Why on earth did they keep the monkey? It must have cost a fortune to feed...not to mention the mess. That's just one of those many facts of life that are better left mysteries. Especially since no one but me would ask the question. I better go. I think I hear a monkey...Okay...now I'm back. That's the sixth time I've said back! I realize that this longest text ever must be very boring and not worth anyone's time. But I'd like to take this time to thank the 2 and 1/2 people in the entire universe who have bothered to read this entire thing. I'm not exactly sure who they are, but: thanks! Right now, my spacebar is malfunctioning...that's not good...I have to press it two or three times just to insert a freaking space. Maybe the evil little faeries with the sharp little teeth have put their evil faerie dust on my computer. Or maybe not. This is too frustrating. Goodbye for now...Now I'm back. And still frustrated. But for a different reason. Today I had the misfortune of playing a Treasure Planet game on neopets.com It was terrible. Apparently the point of the game was to get your character to shout "Whoo-Hoo!" as many times as possible before you splattered your brains on the rocks, all the while listening to a soundtrack that is similar to a dying ceiling fan. Of course, when I started out I accidentally hit the rocks approximately three million times. Halfway though I used my four remaining brain-cells to decide that the game was dumb. So my goal changed from surviving to laughing evilly while my character died. So the game naturally did everything it could to preserve my life. The stupid game is still going on and I refuse to quit because I want my points. My character is actually dodging the stupid rocks better now then when I controlled him. I hate irony. Seeya. Okay. Now I'm back again. Today I added an update page, which is basically a less chaotic, outlined version of this without all the ranting. It's more like techno talk about arrays and how much I suck and whether or not the Braves will win this year. Okay, the whole braves thing is made up. But everything else I've said so far is true. I think. Maybe I should start on a boring disclaimer...Eh-hem. All contents of this site were designed for entertainment purposes only. Any use thereof that is not stated in the above mentioned statement would make the author, hereby referred to as Patron Saint of Paper Clips, very angry. Should you violate the purpose of this site: i.e. become not entertained, the Patron Saint of Paper Clips will be forced to take drastic measures. This is specified in Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook. Ooooo…that’s a great idea! I’m gonna start quoting from the Flaming Chicken Handbook! Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook states that the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (that’s me) is allowed to cause vague, pain like sensations while the offending person (or alien life form, dog, etc.) isn’t paying attention. Now I have a purpose in life! To make up quotes from the non-existent Flaming Chicken Handbook, which I’m sure you have a copy of. No? Too bad. It’s in the mail, I promise! Now I must take my leave…and remember. Cheese is watching. Okay...I'm back...I think that eventually half of this thing will consist of the word back over and over again...that's just weird. Which fits the motif of the rest of the site. There's even a money back guarantee. Isn’t' that nice? See? Now no one can ever say that I don't take care of my viewers. Especially since I don't have viewers. I have readers. Wait...I really don't even know if anyone bothers to read this. Even if I put it in a less chaotic, more user-friendly format people would still ignore this because it involves: reading. Yes. Sad to admit, but the majority of people would rather read the summary at the back of a book rather than the whole book itself. What has the world come to? It's pathetic. Especially since I'm bothering to write all this. It's not fair! Why can't I have more readers?! All the other internet writers have nothing on me, except they're better at advertising, having a central theme/plot and basically more talented. Whereas I'm more into the whole ranting and raving stage right now. Plus, I am horrible at spelling. Which is bad. Thank the powers that be for spell-check. The single greatest invention of the computer gods. I'm getting bored, so I think I'm done for the day. May your day be shiney! I'm back again! And I feel weird! I found at that yet another one of my friends is reading this. Creepy. Just how much time do they have on their hands. Perhaps their just trying to be nice. I can just see it now...an organization devoted not to feeding the hungry, or peace, or love or whatever, but to giving recognition to all those poor, pathetic, unpopular websites. I wonder what it's name would be. Don't Ignore Sites? Would it be called DIS? Isn't that like a slang term for an insult? Would that be considered poetic justice, or just a nice coincidence? And why do I even care? I'll tell you why. Because I have nothing else to do right now. I could be playing neopets, but ever since my bad experience with Treasure Planet, I don't feel like it. Oh, by the way, I noticed that whenever I use spell-check, my stupid computer turns the word probley into to word problem. To prevent this, I did nothing. So, it is now up to you, the imaginary reader, to decide whether I mean probley or problem...it's almost like a game! But without the bad sound track. And I promise not to force you to live when you would rather die. Moving on, I have nothing else to say, but don't feel like quitting just yet. I'm like the little engine that could. Or maybe the Energizer Bunny. I just keep going, and going and going. Or I could be like that annoying guy on T.V. who keeps asking if you can hear him. If my site manages to last a decade, my readers *snicker* will probley wonder what I'm talking about. My answer is simple. It doesn't matter. I'm just rambling. Which means that it doesn't matter if you understand anything I say. Doesn't that make you feel better? I bet it does. Wow. Look how long this has gotten. I even impress myself. Who would have thought I have this much free time? And I congratulate any reader who has gotten this far. Ooooooo! You must check out the fortunes section of the random stuff page! I've just gotten an idea for some more, original, fortunes...I gotta go!(may the moose be with you) And now I am back. I swear. If iI fill out the fake tab form I'm gonna have to put back as my favorite word...I already have filled it out, though. Would it be cheating to fill it out again? Only if I had multiple personalities. Or would it be cheating if I didn't have multiple personalities? The world may never know. Just like how many licks it takes to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop. Would it vary? The number of licks, I mean. Someone could have super-disolving spit, or watery-spit. Or what if you took big ol' slobbery licks? Does the commercial take that into account? No. It doesn't. And let me tell you, it's an outrage. It deludes all of American's sweet, innocent, candy-loving children into thinking that a cartoon owl is smarter than they are! "Mr. Owl, can you tell us how many licks does it take to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop?" Or whatever. And "Mr. Owl" replies "One...Twoo...Three! Chomp" And he bites it. That teaches our youth that it's okay to agree to help someone, and then ruin their experiment. Well...it's not. I am going to start a protest group. Teens Against Cartoon Owls. We could call ourselves TACO! I love the little tacos, I love them good! That is a direct quote from GIR, co-star and comic-relief on INVADER ZIM. Hmmmm...intersting. I put hyphens in both of his titles...it must be a conspiracy! I gotta go. Those TACO buttons don't make themselves, you know. I'm back again. And not so cheesed off about the whole tootsie roll pop thing. Right now, I have another twenty minutes on the Internet before I'm gonna watch T.V. And I can't think of anything else to do. So, predictably, here I am. It's not like I have anything better to do. Obviously, you know this. After all, look how long this text is. I wonder if I've made the world record? If I did, would I stop this? Why bother asking? I'll will most likely still be adding to this on my death bed. Hmmmmm...has any old, senile person ever written anything? Was it coherent? Did it make more sense that this text? Is it possible to make less sense? Am I enjoying asking retorical questions? Yes. Yes, I am. But I seriously wonder what something written by a senile person would be like. I've heard of poems and stuff written by people who were high, insane or paranoid. But never senile. Can a senile person write? Aren't they regressed to a child-like state? Does it even matter? Is anyone even reading this? Did I resume asking retorical questions? Do you care? Is this eating up time? I feel like I'm playing questions only on whose line is it anway. I probley should have capitalized something, or underlined but I'm feeling lazy...hey, you try to keep your two and a half readers happy! It's really stressfull. Someday, I'm gonna snap and just delete this entire thing. Gee, I hope not! I worked sorta hard on this. It's great for making random topics weave together to form an overall infrastructure of chaos. That made little sense. That's why it's here, and not some critically acclaimed site. Ooooooooooooo! I'm gonna quote from the FLAMING CHICKENS HANDBOOK again! Yep! I bet you were just breathless in anticipation. Okay. Here goes. Code: 472 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that this site in no way aknowledges the existance of other, better sites (hereon reffered to as the Losers) The Losers are a myth. The Patron Saint of Paper Clips (me again!) claims no knowledge as to where that particullary nasty rumor started, but confirms that this is the best site ever. It would be a sin against humanity for a better site to exist. Should you refuse to aknowledge the Patron Saint of Paper Clips as the ruler of the Internet, you will be subjected to punishment as stated in Code 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook (i.e. Experience vague, pain-like sensations when you're not paying attention) This has been a public service announcement. This is a test, I repeat only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have bought up all the can openers and charged 3 cows and a pig for each one. I repeat, lock all you doors and windows, this is it. I repeat, there is nothing to worry about. Everything is fine. The end is not here. I'm going, you're on you're own! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm back!*smiles brightly* And apparantly delusional! Anyway, I just finished rereading my longest text ever. And I became inspired to talk about nothing. You see, I periodically read the longest text ever to check the constant downward spiral of my sanity. Hmmm...I seem to be entertaining myself though, even while reading what I wrote. Which is why I still go to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website. Because I am easily amused and have lots and lots of time on my hands. Maybe, some day far in the future (like next Thursday) I'll print a copy of this insane text. And then go door to door distributing it. Eventually, this would become a monthly tradition. Whole families would gather around their front door, in breathless anticipation while they attempted to barracade me out. I can just see the whole community rising to thwart my attempts to spread love, joy and insane chaos. I probley wouldn't actually print this out (think how much paper it would take!) but if I do, only friends and enemies will receive copies. Hmmmm...maybe my condition is worsening. Or not. I'm still peeved about the cartoon owl from the Tootsie Roll Pop commercials. He is pure evil. TACO will eventually destroy him. Unless he has already been destroyed by an even more radical Anti-Cartoon-Owl group. I hope not. Or, would that be good? I suppose I could let someone else have the glory. After all, I'm not in this line of buisness for the fame, fortune and power. What line of buisness, do you ask? Why, the assasinating annoying cartoon characters buisness. (Actually I just question them untill they spontaneously combust, I ask lots of questions) So, in conclusion, ladies and gentleman of the jury(that's you) I could not have possibly tortured "Mr. Owl" to death. I love owls. Hmm...I seem to be jumping from one subject to another more frequently. Either I am growing more comfortable with my on-line writing, or I am progressivly getting more insane and chaotic. I also am psyco-analyzing myself a lot today...hmmmm...I'm even saying "hmmmmm..." a lot. Just like a real psychologist. Hmmmmmmm. Time for another boring disclaimer!!!!!!! Code: 742 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that in no part does the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (That's still me!) actually claim to be mentally ill. That's either a) a publicity stunt b) An attempt at humor c) a cry for help or d) none of the above You can e-mail your responses by conducting a scavenger hunt of this site. Some of the pages of this site contain a link encouging the two and a half people to e-mail the Patron Saint of Paper Clips. There may also be evil little links that are designed to confuse you. These links send stuff to someone named [email protected] Saint of Paper Clips does not know who this individual is, but sincerly wishes that you send all your hate mail to him. Not that the aformentioned individual claims to have received hate mail (or mail of any kind) via a website link. Thank-you for your time. Remember to send your answers to my sanity quiz to the e-mail account, [email protected] Oh, and once I refer to myself in the first person again, the handbook quote is over. I just thought that I might like to mention that. Oh. You're still here. I figured you rush right on over to e-mail me. Perhaps you don't have time to waste e-mailing me. HA! HA! HA! That's funny!!!! If you you don't have time to waste, what are you doing here?!!! Oh, who am I kidding. I figure that even the people I manage to lure onto my site from neopets don't even bother to come to this particular page. Maybe I should make the link come here directly...Hey! What a good idea! That way I can spread my love, joy and insane chaos to more people! I'm a genius. Gotta go, must lure innocent victems to the second most pointless site ever!!!! I'm back. And really angry, and confused. I've always known that I was weird, that's always been a given. But now I realize that I am considerably more normal than the rest of my family. Today we had a "family outing." Now, most families will go bowling, or putt-putt golfing. They may go to a resteraunt with an arcarde, or the movies or to a theme park. Not my family! No, we got the greatest family outing of all. We got to go to a bar and play pool!!!!!*waits for readers to become insanely jealous* Yep, that's right, a bar with a pool table! Not only did we get world class cuisine (under-cooked hotdogs and over-cooked hamburgers), my little sister (age 10) got taught pool by someone I strongly supect is an ex-convict! Naturally when it was announced that we'd be eating dinner in this place, I could hardly contain my excitment(I glared at my mother and asked why we couldn't go to Pizza Hut) When we arrived, we were promptly served (after thirty minutes) In the meantime, we played a family game of pool(my parents played while my brother and sister and I watched) After two rousing rounds, our food came. The food was superb, (our food came the exact opposite of how we ordered it, and half of the onion rings were missing) Then we joyfully returned to our game(my sister and the ex-con played my mom) We spent hours there (from 5p.m.-7:15p.m.) There were many people that were the same age as me and my siblings (no one in the room but us were under 30) Us kids had to be dragged kicking and screaming from the bar ( I almost fell asleep during the last game I watched) As we left, there was a feeling of goodwill and fellowship between all(my sister locked me out of the car and wouldn't let me in untill I started yelling profanity in her general direction) The high point of the entire night was when my mother gave me $21 for my report card. She promptly borrowed $1 to help with the waitresses tip(This part I'm not being sarcastic about) All in all it was a night I'll remember forever (as the lowest point in "family outing"history, except for that time my mom dragged me to a church thing on the concept of truth.) My brother(age 13) even decided upon a new job he wants when he's old enough to work, a busboy at the bar. We had to tell him that he would probley have to wait untill he was 21.(Absolutly nothing about that statement was sarcastic) As you can see, I love my families outings(Not unless you're blind...or stupid) &#!#%&&!!!(*%$ WHAT THE %$#@ WAS MY MOTHER $#$#%$# THINKING!!!!!!!???? BRINGING $#$$# KIDS IN A BAR!? I know it was her idea, 'cause my dad hates it, too. My mom and my stupid little 10-year old sister loves it, though. *sighs* Why does my life have to be so weird? I'm leaving...now I'm back! And not so pissed at my weird family. Now is the time to mourn the loss of one of my most loyal readers (I think she's read the entire thing one time, which is more than anyone else has done so far) She has been banned from accesing any portion of the Internet, do to reasons that must remain confidental due to security reasons. If I told you, I'd have to kill you and all that stuff. So...now I am down to one and a half readers. Untill such time that I have more. I wonder why anyone would read this? You would have to have several characteristics that I possess. First of all, you'd have to have an extrodinary amount of free time. Second of all, you would have to have the patience to read through all of this. And lastly, you'd have to know where the heck this site is. I admit it. I haven't exactly advertised this site. Nor can I find it on any search engines. Some of my pages have stuff written in to make search engines recognize me, but it doesn't seem to be working. What must I do to rise above obscurity? I tell people I know about this site, but they either ignore this page, or don't even bother coming to the site in the first place. I suppose that is the bane of all authors. To pour your heart and soul into a passage, and have everyone ignore it. *sniffle* Why must this be? Maybe I should just give up. After all, no one would really care if I quit updating this site. But I can't help but think of stuff like the evil over lord list and REALLY REALLY BIG BUTTON THAT DOESN'T DO ANYTHING. They are not great neccesarily because of the content, (although that helps some) they are great because of their sheer length. You can read a little each day. And almost never finish. Also, I guess I still am trying to get the world record. I have heard some feedback suggesting that I make someway for people to remember where they stopped reading. It can be very confusing, especially if you weren't paying attention in the first place. Well, I dont want to organize this page, in any manner. This is chaos. And insanity. Not neat little text in classifiable rows, in alphabetical order. If you want neat, go to some other site(though, as mentioned in Flaming Chickens Code:472 there is no such thing as a site better than this one). Otherwise, I guess you're stuck with me. Awwwww...I'm touched! You didn't run screaming to another site, thankfull for the chance to escape this insanity. You're still here, which must mean that you'd rather be here than anywhere else! Hey, where are you going?! I thought you were gonna stay here and keep me company?! *drags reader back* See, I knew you'd stay! *gagged reader glares* What's that? I know this is the best site ever, thanks for the compliment! *reader starts inching towards freedom* I better go...I think that I may have a problem brewing. I'm back. And very concerned about this new, younger generation (all 10 year olds who were born in 1992) They are supposed to be the future. Instead they appear to be a nuclear armagedon in the form of a fifth grader. I chanced to have an interview with an informant from this evil generation (my little sister) who will be called Mrs. X for security reasons (no, she's not married, the "Mrs" makes it good as a disguise) I was quizing Mrs. X on Civil War History for an upcoming test in her classroom (whose location can not be devulged) Mrs. X seemed fluent in the subject. Using prior knowledge, I deduced that Mrs. X was full of crap. Out of sheer curiosity, I asked Mrs. X who participated in the Civil War. She immediatly replied "Clara Barton". I clarified, which countries fought in the Civil War. She answered: England, Russia, and (out of sheer desperation) Iraq. I believe that she was just listing countries she knows America has fought against. Now, correct me if I'm wrong...but Iraq? I don't know if Iraq even existed in the Civil War Era! Why on earth would we go have way across the world to fight them when we didn't even really need oil?!! Moving on, I finaly managed to coax my sister (I'm tired of writing Mrs. X) to tentativly guess that America fought in the Civil War. I mean, who'd a thought? America? Fighting in the American Civil War? In a moment of inspiration, I asked her who America fought. Her first guess was enslaved africans. Well, at least she knows that slaves were involved in the war. Before she could start listing all of America's enemies, I gave her a hint. I said "The Union fought..." With a crack, snaple and pop, some random synapses in her brain connected in the right order and she said "CONFEDERACY!!!" I was very proud of her, just as you would be proud of a two-year-old who has just announced: "I WENT POO-POO ON THE POTTY!!!!!" What I mean is, you wouldn't be very proud if the average person said that they just took a dookey on the toilet, and you wouldn't be very proud if they knew who fought against the Union in the Civil War. I confirmed that the Union was Northern and Free, and that the Confederacy was Southern and Slave. We resumed quizzing and she got every question on the worksheet correct. This is because she memorizes the questions. That way, she can pass the test without actually learning anything. You see, if you memorize stuff, you only have to remember that the answer to number 6 is Clara Barton for a week, rather than having to remember that Clara Barton started the Red Cross for the rest of you life. I sincerely appologize if anyone is offended by my view of memorization. I also would like such persons to immediatly leave my site. You don't belong here. You see...knowledge is good. If my sister...uh...Mrs. X were ever asked a question on the Civil War on a quiz show, she'd come up with nothing. With knowledge you can win money and the opportunity to look like a dork on national television. My sister is a big believer in the memorization system. I previous time when I was studying with her (American Revolution, this time) I was trying to help her remember the difference between the Patriots(Patriotic to America) and the Loyalists (Loyal to Britain) She didn't know what the word patriotic meant. I tried to explain. I asked her how you dress on the forth of july (she said nice) I asked what the colors red, white and blue were (pretty). I gave up in exasperation. More recently, I was trying to instill a sense of empathy and niceness in her. I asked her what the golden rule of christianity was. She didn't know. When I pressed her, she confessed she didn't know what chrisianity was. Completly defeated, I told her that it was the religion she practiced every Sunday when she went with her friends to church. This confirmed my suspicion that she only went so that she could have the use of the church's playground equipment. My family also strongly suspects that she stole $20 from the donation thingy. Anyway, that's my rant on the new generation that contains my little sister. When someone of her generation runs for president, I'm gonna do a complete background check. If they're anything like my sister, I'm movin' to Canada. Gotta go...the Russian-Brittish-Iraqi-enslaved-Africans are coming to defeat the Mexicans. I'm back! *there's that darn cricket again* And I have a genuine question to ask all of my loyal readers *cough-cough* Okay, here it is: Is it normal for a non-gender specific sibling to carry around various dead reptiles (snakes, turtles, lizards etc.) Furthormore, is it considered accepted behavior to talk to these dead reptiles, in a cooey, baby talky kind of voice? Finnaly, is it expected for said sibling's non-gender specific parent to encourage such behavior, citing "I was just like that as a child" as an excuse? It's an honest question as I fear that my non-gender specific sibling is weird. Who am I kidding? My entire family is weird. It's just a matter of degree. Hey, by the way. I'm sorry that my last few entries have been only about my various family antics. Although I can't see why you care, because there is a large probability that you do not exist, because I don't think anyone is reading this anymore. How discouraging. People need to make the time to waste time. It's a time honored tradition. Who'd thought that I could use time that many times in only a few sentences? It's been pretty quiet here lately, which is why I haven't added anything to this text in awhile. I know, you were just crushed that nothing new was happening. It's a sad, cold, cruel world out there and you had nothing to relieve the monotony of it. *sniffle* I feel so sorry for you! Next thing you know, you're internet connection will die. Well, too bad! Do you know I never even had a computer untill just a few months ago (that's why I'm obsessivly writing here) So I won't pity you if you're computer dies for unexpected reasons. Time for another quote from the FLAMING CHICKEN HANDBOOK!!! Code: 843 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook states that in no way is the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (guess who?) responsible for any faulty wiring or lack thereof in your computer. The Patron Saint of Paper Clips in no way wishes harm on your computer. Any derogatory statement is simply an opinion of an individual, not of the flaming order of the flaming chickens. Said order will in no way be held responsible for any damages, injuries, loss of life, limb, head, or organs. Okay, quote is done. Maybe I should put quotation marks around them...nah, too much work. But I probably will eventually get around to having a seperate page just for the FLAMING CHICKEN HANDBOOK. That way all the members (what members) can print out a copy of it for themselves (if they didn't get that copy in the mail) I guess I'm done for the day...I know. You want me to stay. It's okay. Because eventually, I'll be back! Seeya! I'm back. And once again suprised. When I was at a TAB poetry thingy (TAB is good TAB is great We love TAB) I met some new people. One of these people (who shall remain nameless untill such time that I have explicit permission to use her name) turned out to be almost as weird as me. As in...she read the ENTIRE Longest Text Ever. The whole thing. So far two whole people (to my knowledge) have read the entire thing, and a few people have skimmed it. That means I really can justify claiming to have two and a half readers! I'm so happy! That means my pointless obsession has actually entertained someone besides me! Perhaps, one day, far in the future, this will actually be a world record and random people will acutally voluntarily read this text every day. Or maybe not. The point is that it is nice to have readers. Or maybe it's not...I mean...won't the quality *snicker* of my work deteriorate if I am no longer writing for the target audience of me? If that happens, then no one will read this. And then I'll be writing for me again. And then the quality will rise. And then people will start reading. And then the quality will go down and the vicious spiral of good and bad will continue untill I either give up this text, or go crazy...er. In any case...I should probably find a topic. Yeah...a topic would be good. Or...I could just continue to write about finding a topic. Ooooo! I know a topic! Ice cream trucks! This has been bothering me for a while. You see...when it's hot, you want something cold to eat. Conviently, ice cream trucks come around during the hottest part of the year (it must be a conspiracy). As you may or may not know, small children swarm the ice cream trucks. The vendors even play whimsical music which I strongly suspect contains subliminal messages to make you hungry for ice cream. The vendors get oodles of cash, and the kids get ice cream. Now, in today's society of buying groceries on-line and getting them delivered, why hasn't any other food industry marketed this ingenius idea to bring the product to the consumer. I can just see Hot Dog, and Pizza trucks roaming the neighbor hoods, selling treats to hungry children...and adults. Of course, said adults would have to peel their butt-cheeks off the couch...but they'd have to do that for the delivary man anyway. The food trucks could even play music that made you hungry for their food. Then the problem with obesity in America would be blamed on evil food truck drivers as opposed to the harmless, benificient television and computer. We could all breath a sigh of relief as parents kept their children inside, away from the evil truck drivers and near the T.V. Gone would be the days when parents told children to play outside, it's a nice day. Parents would buy their children computers, video games and other television neccesities. This, of course would expand the market for such products. This would lead to a better, more stable economy. Food industires would be buying cars, gas and music. Parents would increase the purchase of entertainment items. In return companies would make a profit, pay their workers better. The workers would then be able to afford more entertainment items and the upward spiral would continue, as opposed to the evil downward spiral of my writing. In conclusion, Ladies and Gentlemen...if you implement my idea, there will be peace and prosperity for all. As long as you don't mind a few more couch potatoes. Gotta go...I think I hear a catchy jingle. I'm back...it's been awhile since I've written here. A lot has happened. Like my EVIL school computer deleting my updates page. But it's all good. Especially since I just saw The Matrix: Reloaded. The following text may spoil the movie for you, so WARNING: do no read this unless you have already seen the movie. Okay. What I liked best was the philosophy on choices. (the mindless fight scenes were really cool, too). It's like this. In the beginning of the movie, Neo is having dreams about Trinity's death. Later, The Oracle tells him that he has already decided her fate. Towards the end of the movie, Neo chooses to tell Trinity to stay out of the Matrix, since he saw her die in it. She agrees, but only after seeing how important it is to him. After a horrific chain of events (is it coincidence, or fate) the people who will deactivate the secondary power source of the building Neo is infiltrating, die. So...the plan is going to fail. Unless someone does something, Neo, Morpheus and many others will die. Trinity, who is of course outside of the Matrix, knows this and chooses to enter the Matrix to save the day. The events of Neo's dream unfold. So...when the oracle said that the choice had already been made, she was completely correct. The moment Neo woke from dreams of Trinity's death, he made a choice. He would do everything in his power to keep his dream from becoming reality. So he kept her out of the Matrix, and she saw the problem, and entered the Matrix to fix it. If she had been in the Matrix, she would have likely been with Morpheus, never would have known about the plan's failure, would therefore not have been in the situation that resulted in her death. And the plan would have failed and Neo might have died, along with a large portion of the city (the building was set to blow if there was any intruders) So...Neo's choice to attempt to save Trinity triggered the sequence of events that led to her death. As Neo realizes all of this, through a nearly omniscient Architect of the Matrix, he makes another choice. This choice is simply an extension of his original choice: he will save Trinity at all costs. Neo is told that he has two choices. He can save mankind, and doom Trinity. Or he can try to save Trinity and doom mankind. No guarantee that he'll succeed in saving Trinity. He goes for Trinity, makes it just in time to catch her body, and starts her heart back up. In return for not taking the easy route, he gains a power in the more or less real world. He can deactivate the machines, (squidies) but at great personal cost. The movie ends with him in a coma. Now, you must realize that I have described only one aspect of this movie of all movies. There are not enough words in the English language to describe the sheer coolness of the fight choreography, special effects and the plot. I highly recommend you see the movie yourself. I'm sorry that today's rant isn't random, insane or completely chaotic, but I must right my experience with The Matrix before I forget. I am so buying this movie when it comes out on DVD. I love it! You have to admit its sheer coolness. I mean, come on! It's the sequel to the movie that revolutionized the standard by which we judge special effects. I better stop typing before I have a heart attack...just remember...The Matrix has you...I'm back. And throughly pissed off at my school system in general. You see...they feel that the only way to reward academic achievement...yada-yada-yada...is to force the smart kids to be ushers for Senior Honor Nite, and Graduation. Where is the logic in this? I for one, didn't know about such dire consequences for not deliberatly failing classes. It was bad enough that I was forced to "volunteer" my precious time (i could have worked on this site)...no...I was forced to wear formal attire. My school system is stuck in the past...and formal attire means...a dress...a white dress...(for those you who never bothered to find out...I am indeed female). So...for the first time in about 5 years...I wore a dress...and something that was complelty white. What cruel fate is this? To compound the EVIL situation...I was forced to wear feminine shoes. In other words...they hurt. And they pushed my toes together. Since I have a rather weird phobia of touching my own skin...this made my evening my own personall torture session. I think that such gender-specific torture should be deemed inhumane and abolished from our great society...of flaming chickens. Henceforth...Code: 666 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that under no circumstance will the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (guess who) be forced to wear anything other than a t-shirt and preferably black jeans. Should you violate this right, you will become destroyed or possibly dizzy. I'm leaving now...I have some destruction to do. i'm back. from graduation. we had to get there one hour and fifteen minutes early because there was traffic. After standing around a lot...the ceremony started. Lots of people spoke. by the time I had to do my part (tell people where to stand before getting their diploma) it was dark. there were bugs. they liked landing on me. then...i got to go stand while people said a lot of stuff. i couldn't hear it because someone had put the speakers facing the audience. we clapped. the whole time, even during the name-calling, seniors were playing with silly string and beachballs. afterwards...they turned off the lights. there were lots of fireworks. i wandered around for 20 minutes looking for a cell phone. i called home, and waited another hour for my ride...traffic to the school was one way. i felt sorry for my dad. i am tired...but cannot go to sleep. i'll copy and paste this to my site. maybe the longest text ever. you will all suffer as i have suffered when and if you graduate. i cannot feel my feet. i hate dress shoes. I'm back. Today, I'm here to salute the Pointless Signs Of America! The PSOA have been whole-heartedly working for you, and what have you done for them? NOTHING! These so-called "pointless" signs are doing just what they were meant to do: entertain you! You cannot judge them simply because they have no apparant function. They expand your mind, making you think about all the things they could do. They could do anything they wanted to, if they just put their minds to it. If you judged everything by what it doesn't acomplish, then the entire world is populated by pointless beings. Noone can do everything, so how can you expect a SIGN, with the I.Q. of toilet paper, to do everything. You people sicken me. You expect far to much of the inanimate world. The inanimate world, on the otherhand, expects nothing of you. Which is exactly what it gets. If you expect nothing, and get nothing, you feel nothing. If you expect nothing and get something, you're happy. But, if you expect something and get something you feel nothing. And if you expect something and get nothing, you feel cheated. If you're following along, and not completly confused, you'll realize that it is better to be a pessimist than an optomist. Yep that's right. This entry went from saluting the PSOA to making a statement about my ideals. This has been a weird day. You can thank my associate "Meg" she came up with the PSOA acronym. Everyone, clap for "Meg".I gotta go...seeya later! I'm finnaly back! Today, I took a long look at this site, which is the acomplishment of almost a year of work. And I asked myself "How could I have better spent my time?" And so, in the interest of wasting even more time, I made a list. Here we go! Number One: I could have cured cancer. Not that I know anything about medicine...or cancer for that matter. But I'm sure that if I just would have put my mind to it, I could have done it. Number Two: I could helped the earth to find eternal and lasting peace. Which would be boring. So I at least have an excuse for not doing that. Number Three: I could have studied and stuff. Uh...don't think so...Number Four: I could have learned to drive. This would have resulted in the deaths of numerous pedistrians...and I would still probably be wondering around in search of a McDonalds. Number Five: I could have read more books, played more video games and watched more mindless television. Gee...I wish I'd thought of that sooner. Number Six: I could have implemented one of several plans for world domination. Or, as an alternative, I could have ruined several plans for world domination that other people made. Number Seven: I could drive people crazy. Wait...aren't I already doing that? Scratch number seven. And on to: Number Eight: I could have...uhhhh...ummmmm...actually thought up these things before hand. Number Nine: Now it's just getting redundant, isn't it? Number Ten: This is the list that never ends. Yes, it goes on and on my friend. One person, started typing it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue typing it forever just because this is the list that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends, some person started typing it not...etc, etc. Okay...I admit it. I have officialy run out of ways I could have better spent my time. I don't think there actually are any. Except for maybe five and six. Now, those have possibilities. However, I am currently content to just sit here and type. For the benefit of you, the reader...who may or may not exist. Either way, I'm continuing to sort of entertain myself. I feel like I should be outraged about some topic or another. I just can't work up the energy to be outraged. Perhaps a nice, soothing mistrust. Yeah. I can work with mistrust. I definitly mistrust lots of stuff. Like organ grinders, and the evil conspiracies. Did you know, that Kodak was part of the conspiracy to assasinate John F. Kennedy. Now, some of you are probably thinking "Gee, Really?", or "Wow, I never knew that!" while others are thinking "Who's John F. Kennedy?" or possibly "Who or What is Kodak". I fervently hope that you're not thinking the last two...especially about Kodak. Kodak, as you may know, is a film developing company. And John F. Kennedy (JFK) was an alien bent on global domination. Or possibly a really good president who wanted to fly to the moon. Either way, he got assasinated. And ever loony in America decided that it was a conspiracy. Some even go so far as to claim that Kodak "changed" the pictures of the assasination to make an assasination in the bushes become a tree's shadow. I didn't know that they had such good technology back then. I have to wonder...why would Kodak do such a thing. Perhaps Kodak is actually a front organization for a shadowy governmental system that controls the entire world and didn't want mankind to obtain the freedom of the stars and so tried to sabotauge the space program even though it didn't work as well as they planned. Or perhaps not. Either way, Kodak is undeniably evil. How can any company that takes so many "wholesome" pictures not be? You can just bet that they look at every one that get's turned in to them, judging blackmail value, and whether or not you could get arrested. It's just sickening, you can't even take a simple photo nowadays. Unless you have a digital camera, which are a symbol of freedom from the old ways and willing enslavement to the new ways. We can only hope that the digital camera manufacturers are kinder masters than the evil Kodak Lords. I better go...I think Kodak is tracing my site....I'm back now! And, once again, I have proof that someone actually took the time (two hours) to read this entire Longest Text Ever! It's amazing, it's incredible, it's unbelievable. But true. Even more incredible, this time it's someone I don't even know! Wooooooo! I feel inspired and happy and other really good emotions and stuff. And so, I'll take a trip down memory lane, to the dark depths of the past, to when I decided to make this page. It was inspired, in part, by my sheer and utter boredom. In school, back before I even owned a computer, I'd type random words for long periods of time, 'cause I had nothing better to do. Once I got this computer, I decided to do something similar on my beloved site. But, it ended up making more sense than I anticipated (scary thought, huh). Oh, well...I tired of nostalgia. Back to the present. Right now, I'm just typing so that no one can say that I've been slacking off. I don't think I have any conspiracy theories...except pop-ups/pop-unders. Have you ever had the evil pop-up that says that if you click here, it'll get rid off all the annoying pop-ups? Isn't that sort of ironic? Could the pop-up blocker people have chosen a better means to advertise their product? It's like grand-theft auto 3's talk show, you know, the one where there are Citizens Raging Against Phones? Or CRAP, for short. And the lady representing them, calls the radio station...on a phone. It's stupid and ironic and just shouldn't exist in a better world. Pop-Up ad's help you get rid of pop-up ads? Insane, chaotic...hmmmmm...I wonder who thought of it? Was it on purpose, or was it just some mistake? It is now my civic duty to discover this ancient mystery, and reveal it to the uncaring world. Or maybe I'll go make a frozen pizza. Yeah. That sounds good, too. Since I'm not particualarly inspired at the moment, I should leave and let you gather what is left of your sanity. I just can't seem to stop, though. Okay...I can do it. I'm leaving. I'm back...and it's several hours later. I've decided to imortalize the stupidity of my dog, Moose. She is a heavy-set Yorkshire Terrior (12 lbs.) In otherwords, she's a small yappy dog who is big for her breed. Today, I met her arch-enemy. An enemy so terrifying that Moose cannot stop shaking. An enemy so hideous that Moose must destroy it at all costs. An enemy so dangerous that Moose fears it above all others. Now you may be wondering what horrible beast is Moose's arch-enemy. And you probably suspect that it is something pathetic. You would be correct in your suspiciousness...for Mooses arch-enemy is...*dramatic drumroll*...a small, white, feather. Now, Moose has seen many feathers, birds even. But none have struck terror in her little moose heart like this particular feather. So...naturally I put her arch-enemy in my pocket and brought it home with me. This action has made her very suspicious of where my loyalties lie. She tracks the feather smell all over the house, and goes crazy whenever I take it out of my pocket. She even got her sister and mother in the spirt of things. Now her sister sounds an alarm whenever she sees the evil feather. Now, you may be wondering what is so terrifying about a small, white, feather. So am I. It doesn't smell funny, (I asked my brother, since I don't have a sense of smell), it seems perfectly ordinary. So, I've decided that Moose works for some secret government organization, and that the feather is the key to the destruction of the world, and I am just blithely letting it enter our home, so that it may furthur its evil plans to destroy the universe. That is the only possible explanation as to why it upsets her so much. Or...maybe it's the feather off of the cartoon owl from the tootsie-roll pop comercials (one...two...three..*crunch*). Whatever the case, I decided that the whole world, (or three of four random people) deserve to know that if the world and or universe are destroyed, it's the evil, little, white, feather's fault. Now I'd better go and torture my Moose with it...:) I am officially back. And you, the potentially non-existant reader gets a once in a lifetime chance to hear me rant and rave about my Horrible, Horrible Family Vacation. I know. You feel very, very honored. It's like this. My mother is a control freak, and she decided on the spur of the moment that we were going north to visit relatives. Later that day, she decided we were NOT going north, we were going south to a beach resort. Still later that day, she got offended at some trivial thing and decided that we weren't going anywhere at all. The very next day, she decided that we were going north, after all. So, we packed everthing up. Before we knew it, we were on the road. The first part of the trip was fairly easy. As in, I was half-asleep, hoping that we'd arrive while I slept. Then, in an inspired move, my brother talked my mother into letting him sit up front. That meant that my mother would be in the back, with me and my younger, eviler sister. Immediatly, my mother started complaining. It was uncomfortable in the back, it was too hot, it was too cold. Then, she accidently woke our three yappy dogs up, and they relized that they were in a car. That meant only one corse of action for them. They started shaking and barked their little heads off. This annoyed my mother further, untill she asked, no, demanded that my father turn the car around so that we could go home. Unfortuantly, we had already driven 337 miles toward our destination. After much argument, my father was going to turn around, untill he realized that my mother was going to drop the dogs and me off, and then turn around and continue north. This seemed slightly unpracticle, so we ended up not taking that 337 mile detour. We eventually reached our destination after 16 hours of virtually non-stop driving. We got there, we ate. We slept. My mother visited relatives. And so the week went by. I got to go to a huge library, and see Terminator 3 at the local theater. That was the high point of the entire trip. The last day, we were deciding where to eat. My mom said that she didn't care. So my dad picked a steak place. My mother tried to order a mushroom-swiss burger...only to discover that the place had no swiss-cheese. So she decided on a salad, only to discover that they didn't have her favorite salad dressing. After much deliberation, she decided that she wouldn't eat. After complaining how hungry she was, and about the poor quality of the resteraunt, she walked out of the resteraunt, instructing the rest of us to "enjoy our meals". And I wonder where my little sister gets her annoyingness. Not that my mother is annoying...just set in her ways. The whole meal thing was about the only interesting thing to happen during the week. On the way home, we had gotten approximatly 4 hours into the trip when my mother predicatably decided that we had to go back and eat at the 50th aniversary of her favorite ice cream place. Needless to say, we ignored her. Oh, and when my sister had to go to the bathroom very badly during a traffic jam, my mother had the good taste to making hissing/water noises to make my sister's problem worse. She claimed that my little sister always did it to her, and she was getting pay-back. Between her bickering with my sister, and obsessivly playing neopets games, I don't know what to do with her. Anyway...that was my family vacation rant. It sucked. No suprise. At least it's over. Sorry if I complained a lot. If you don't like it, start your own longest text ever. Anyway, I promise to go back to my usual routine the next time I rant here. I thought of a topic on the way home, but forgot it. Seeya. I'm back! I know, I took you completly by suprise. You thought you'd gotten rid of me. *cheesy super-hero voice* Well, fear not, random citizen, for I, PSOPC am here! *normal voice* Today I have a very important to discuss with you in this: PERFECTLY NORMAL PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCMENT. Yes, that's right. It's time to warn you, the viewer...er...reader...about the evils of various stuff. Today's lesson is: subliminal messages . That's right, folks, mass hypnosis via commercials. Now, I'm sure you've at least heard of subliminal messages , right? No? Well...prepare to be enlightened. Subliminal messages are an advertising technique that puts hidden pictures and words into a main image. You don't see them, but your subconsious (dreaming) mind does. Your subconsious mind acts on whatever it is told. What does this mean to you? It means that WAL-MART TV IS EVIL! EVIIIIIIIIIIIIL!!!!!! Why else would they invest all that money to show commercials in their own store? Because they put subliminal messages in them, of course! Subliminal messanging also explains the successes of certain fast-food resteraunts, and brand name items. BEWARE YOUR TOASTER OVEN! Okay. That had nothing to do whatsoever with subliminal messages...it's just cool to say. Anyway, only watch wal-mart if you WANT to be subliminaly entertained into purchasing a new set of TUPERWARE, even though your old set is PERFECTLY fine. This has been a public service announcment. Pretty cool, huh? Uh...you don't have to take the subliminal stuff seriously. It's true, and all, but I have no proof about wal-mart, or certain fast food resteraunts. It makes sense, though. Wal-mart TV is evil. You cannot deny it. Seeya...hmmm..I wonder if there's subliminal stuff in my computer...I'm back. And I feel that it's time for a FAKE commercial break, for the highly informed, obviously brain-dead consumer. And now, a word from our non-existant sponsor. Ketchup: The only food that you'll want to eat after traveling to the 5th Dimension. It's been practically proven that Ketchup transforms into a highly intoxicating (non-addictive) delicious substance upon returning from the 5th Dimension. Stock up now with our Valu-Pak to recieve 3-metric tons of Ketchup, all for the low, low price of your brain, since you're obviously not using it anyway. Then, just wait for technology to "catch-up" (get it, catch-up, Ketchup?)so you can travel to the 5th Dimension like our scientists almost did. (Next Commercial) Get ready fo: Faux's new "reality" TV show, "How Low Can We Go?" It's about six contestants who compete to create the worst, least likely "reality" TV show. The winner not only gets the million-dollar prize, they get the chance to produce the show they created. Remember: if the show sucks, it's their fault, not ours!(Next exciting commercial!)And for all the idiots out there: Try new and improved Dum-B-Gon! Dum-B-Gon stimulates brain activity, making you up to 10 times smarter! Not only that, Dum-B-Gon: stimulates weight loss, cures "any" illness, does simple houshold chores, never leaves the toilet seat up and is the perfect gentle companion for your kids. How can you pass up this revolutionary new product? It's yours for only 3 bi-monthly payments of $3.95 ($3,95,000 on days ending in "y")Don't forget, Dum-B-Gon is practically guaranteed!* (*Not a guarantee) (Next commercial)Have you ever wondered why food sometimes goes bad in your fridge, even if you've only had it a few years? It's because of the "evil little faeries with sharp little teeth." These "faeries" sprinkle your food with highly toxic "age dust" and ruin a perfectly good four-year-old meatloaf. How do you stop them? With our patented "spray". Our "spray" kills over 99.9% of "faeries" (which are much to small to see) Our "spray" also kills most disease causing agents, like rats, or pigeons. WARNING: Leave food sit in an open, well-venilated spot for a week before eating. And now, back to our featured presentation. Wasn't that semi-entertaining? I bet you wanna go eat some Ketchup covered Dum-B Gon right now, while watching "reality" TV. Just make sure you "spray" your food first. Pathetic, wasn't it? Oh, well. I was bored, and a dilligent reader suggested I make fake commercials, so...therer they are. Happy? Good. I'm leavin', for now. I'm back. And I'm willing to enlighten you, the potentially you-know-what reader. Today, I was checking out some weird news. At one point, I read an article that stated that it had been proven, conclusivly, that Kansas was flatter than the standard pancake. The researches even used highly advanced technololgy to map the surface of a pancake and compare it to documented geology of Kansas. Some people disagree, the director of the Kansas Geological Survey said "I think this is part of a vast breakfast food conspiracy to denigrate Kansas. It's a cheap shot." So...doesn't that make you want to take Kansas' side (I sincerly appologize if you are from Kansas). It just seems extremly weird (and worthy of mentioning) that this semi-important guy from Kansas believes in a "vast breakfast food conspiracy". Makes you think that the long held belief that Kodak conspired with the JFK assasin(s) is normal. Another article claims that an anitseptic turned a polar bear purple, drawing large crowds of people. I sure hope other zoos won't copy them. Before you know it, we'll have orange alligators, pink tigers and blue lions. School children won't be able to correctly identify the color of a zebra. Random people will think they've gone crazy, after a seemingly innocent visit to the zoo. It's wrong, I tell you. A complete and total degregation of our societies values. What values, you say? The basic moral belief that Polar bears should be WHITE. Unless we spray-painted the snow purple, too. Then it would be okay. As long as the bear blends in, you know? Speaking of animals, there's a cat in California who is a kleptomaniac (likes to steal stuff). He sneaks into neighboring homes, and takes clothing, wrapped christmas presents, and anything he can find. He then leaves them under his owners car. Okay, better leave. I'm back. And I don't really have a topic today. I'm just bored. Sometimes I just do this, you know? Start typing without any idea about what it is I intend to say. Maybe I subconsiously DO know what I'm doing here, but refuse to admit it to myself. Or maybe I am monumentally bored and don't have anything else to do at the moment. Either way, I'm here. You must be pretty bored, too. Otherwise, why on earth (beta, krpto, zkdjf, Planet X, whatever) would you be here? It would make no sense. If you have something better to do, why wouldn't you be doing it right now? I would be. But, maybe that's just the difference between you and me. Yeah. That must be it. Unless you're bored. Then I completly understand. I need to find a topic. Here, topic, topic, topic! Come on, I won't hurt you, I promise! *hides large ax behind back* Come here, topic! Why are you afraid of little ol' me? *sigh* There are no topics anywhere near me. Kinda like me and "Meg" webcomic we are trying to do. It's called Hit-Or-Miss, any topics, plot, etc. are completly accidental and are not the fault/responsibility of the creators. That was sort of a topic, even though it was sort of random. Which is what I do best. Okay, I'm done with that litte commercial. What now...hmmmmm...should I share with you more of my paranoid/delusional conspiracy theories? Or have I been doing that too much lately? Oooooo! I know, I'll start of list of why it's fun/good to be insane/weird! #1You can say or do anything and normal people will agree with you in the hopes that you'll be satisfied, shut up, and go away. Far away. I will show you an example with this completly true stuff that I experienced several years ago. ME: My vicious, psychotic, flesh-eating bunny-rabbit wants to rule the world. RANDOM PERSON: Uh-huh, that's nice. ME: Yeah, but I told her that she'd be a terible ruler. I mean, she traded Asia for a carrot! And she doesn't even LIKE carrots! RANDOM PERSON: You don't say? ME: Yep. She also is the goddess of red jello. RANDOM PERSON: *head explouding from sheer insanity* As you can see, I was a very weird child (this happened in elementary school...uh...except for that head-explouding part). Okay...on to: #2 You can get out of practically anything by saying: a)It's against my religion b)I'm allergic to that. c)I have an extremly irrational fear of that. d)I already did that in a past life and it sucked. e)My psychotic bunny predicted I'd die doing it. Unfortunalty, several of those reasons LEGITAMITLY apply to a certain activity I do every Tuesday, which WILL NOT BE NAMED HERE LEST I GIVE IT POWER OVER ME! I'm allergic to parts of it, have irrational fears about others and I'm pretty sure it's against my Jenny religion...along with eating mashed potatoes, or potatoes of any kind. I'll add that to the FLAMING CHICKENS HANDBOOK. Thou shalt not eat spuds. Hmmmm...time for #3You can obsessive over ANYTHING, and people will think nothing of it. I, personally, am obsessed with, kitties, bunnies, bats, this website, drawing, making intriate little patterns with strings, doing mildly repetitive activities, being weird, apparantly making lists and cheese...and chickens...and flame. Fire is good. Fire is free. Fire is my friend...until it burns me. Then it must die...painfully. And on to:#4You make your friends look normal in comparison. And #5: You can give each of your pets several weird names such as: Ringling-Raison-Bailey-Suzana-Midnight-Schultz, Squirell, Moose, Moose-Moose, Moosey-Moose, Linzey-Moose, Muffin, Squirell-Muffin, Yabby-Doodle, Abby Normal, Wiggle-Baby, Wiggle-Muffin, Witle-Baby, Cheese-Monkey, Muffin-With-Squirell-Juice, Squirell-With-Muffin Juice, Moosey-Juice, Squirell-Monkey, etc. Now, wasn't that a fun list!? Doesn't that just make you proud to be weird? I should make bumber stickers saying that. Proud to be weird. It'd be cool. Anyway, gotta go! *yawn* I'm back. Last night I was super-charged with lots of sugar and not a lot of sleep. I ended up writing things during the time of night when EVERYTHING is hilarious, including the word sheep. To compound things, I wasn't alone, and things just escalated. The following is everything I wrote during that sugar-coated time period. Some are answers to e-mails, the rest are just stuff I wrote.

Definitly. THen we go to library. Guess what? Me and Josh ate lots and lots of sugar, and it's late at nite and everything is funny but we can't laugh 'cause everybody is sleepin' so it's even funnier but ever since we drank the water we sobered up even though we weren't drunk but we ate sugar...lots and lots of sugar. MOstly donut cake. Okay. JOsh says it was only one piece of cake. WE got it at Wal-mart. Or his mom did. OR something. Goodbye..

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saintcanardmoved · 5 years

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Oh god. I didn’t know this blog would suddenly receive so much attention. Please, I am begging you to not scroll down. It’s endless MysticMessenger posts from two years ago.

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scullyeffect · 5 years

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how do you feel about younger people in fandom? like the youngest side that are probably on tumblr i.e 13/14ish?

i don’t know if you mean in the x-files fandom, or just younger people getting involved into fandom stuff online nowadays so i’m just going to go with a generalization.

i’m nobody’s mother and interests are healthy, and honestly i’m 23 so i don’t know anything about anything yet, but i will say that i live with a 15 y/o girl, a 13 y/o girl, and an 11 y/o girl, and i find myself very sad when all they want to do is go on a phone and watch youtube videos and be online instead of doing something more creative or intellectual.

we had a birthday party for 11 last night, and we had to take phones away from like six 10-11 year olds, which is ridiculous. i do understand that we live in a big city (paris, which isn’t exactly the safest) and lots of kids do things independently (walk to school, walk to friends’ houses, take the métro) so sometimes i worry about 11 (who doesn’t have a phone) if she needs to take the métro alone or walk somewhere alone, and i wish she did have some way to reach me if ever she got lost or something, but 11 is so young.

i think in a world that’s become so increasingly digitized and almost making it necessary to be connected in some way, kids are growing up faster, and some of the posts online and on tumblr talk about things they might not understand yet, and cause them to form opinions based on a text post some 18 y/o wrote. i’m even guilty of this. i’ll get too lazy to keep up with the real world and get my politics from tumblr sometimes, and that’s probably not good, even though mainstream news sources can do the same thing. my mom worked for the washington post, and that��s pretty much the only place i get my news from.

i probably got my first tumblr account when i was 15, and honestly i regret it. i was a pretty sheltered kid/teenager who really enjoyed reading, doing art, writing, and watching sad european dramas about dead sovereigns and suffering artists. i somehow discovered pro-ana blogs (blogs that share and encourage eating disorders to the point where healthy people can begin to actively attempt to follow insane tips in order to lose weight), and since i actually had been having trouble with my own eating habits but never really known that those behaviors were bizarre, i self-diagnosed and was part of that “community” for awhile.

i was interested/ in love with lots of actors and actresses, and as i made it out of kind of the pro-ana area which i realized which was unhealthy lol i found out about stan culture and just real obsession with movie stars/celebrities. when i was a younger teen i was “obsessed” with meryl streep, which at that time meant that i watched all her films repeatedly. i didn’t realize people cared about the actors/actresses’ personal lives until i got on tumblr, and at the time it was really exciting to discover things about my favorite celebrities (i mean, being a fan of someone obviously isn’t new, but it was to me). now that i’m 23 i find it very invasive and somewhat creepy that we’re so interested in someone’s life, sometimes even more than their body of work. we’ll probably never meet that person, and if we do they’re not going to think about you or remember you forever, because there are thousands of other people out there who feel the same way, and they just can’t keep track (at least the huge stars).

on the flip side, i think it’s good to have role models and people to look up to, but sometimes there’s a thin line there. i’m blonde, but i dyed my hair brown in my first year of high school because i was obsessed with marion cotillard and wanted to look like her. i kept the brown throughout high school because i liked it, and sort of forgot i ever did it because of her, but now i’m blonde again and it looks so much better haha. ALSO i got really interested in france/speaking french because of her (and juliette binoche), although i had a fantastic and enthusiastic french teacher in high school to help fuel my desire to speak french. and now i’m fluent in french and live in france. wow. so, if there are people you look up to in the public eye and they’re influencing you in positive ways, that’s great! i do get suspicious when very influential celebrities share their political views, though. i think we have a tendency to follow in people’s footsteps either subconsciously or in full awareness. that could be in any field. i like certain authors, and sometimes my own writing is heavily influenced by their work. it’s a natural thing that happens. but voting really should be an informed decision...just my opinion.

let’s talk about “just my opinion”. online bullying is real and can sometimes be rampant if there are dividing views on someone and their perceived private life. for example, in the x-files fandom we will, for the most part, absolutely convince you that mulder and scully are fucking like bunnies, when the show’s own creator won’t lol. but there are also people who think that gillian anderson and david duchovny (the leads) were/are/could be at some point in a romantic relationship with each other. they (anderson and duchovny) even cater to the fans a bit, but at the end of the day that’s their business and they don’t owe us an explanation, and a lot of people in fandom sort of act like they do. the point of this example was that because people in fandom are divided about this point of view, if you talk about one side or the other, there are some people who will come at you and say mean things for not agreeing with you, and try to convince you of a truth they have no real authority to speak about. this is obviously just an example, but online bullying is rampant and is often taken personally and can really affect the person being bullied, especially someone younger who may or may not be already facing that in real life at school lol.

i think tumblr is a good place for people who suffer from mental illness to come together in a healthy way to talk through their problems (god i hope i’m telling the truth), and there’s definitely tons of awareness and support that you’ll get on tumblr that you may not find in the real world. for example, i don’t know anyone irl who has epilepsy who i can talk to about mine. on tumblr i’ve talked with people who understand what i’m going through. i think that self diagnosis online, just as much on tumblr as it is when i cough and search “signs of throat cancer or tuberculosis’, read up on web md, and immediately fear my days might be numbered, is a problem. on tumblr i think we’re introduced to concepts and can sometimes treat mental illness lightly, when it shouldn’t. if you’re suffering from a mental illness, the online world isn’t going to be the place that can completely help you (says the girl who refuses to go to therapy and instead complains online about how she’s not getting any better).

being online immediately takes us out of life and into a different world. we become observers instead of experiencing the world. there’s good stuff about observation, but being online and attached to a website that is more or less just a vice for people will often make us choose to be on our phones instead of doing stuff in real life.

all of these points being said, i’m guilty of a lot of the “bad/unhealthy” facets of tumblr, but as i’ve “grown up” (unfortunately still staying on tumblr for a good portion of that time) i’ve grown out of a lot of these things and can see the good and the bad that the online world has to offer, and know which parts to stay away from. i can recognize that spending too much time on here does nothing for my desire to stay inside and not experience the real world. it also makes me think a lot more about tv shows/films/celebrities than i need to. but i’ve also made great friends from being on tumblr over the years, and gotten support i definitely wouldn’t have gotten in real life.

back to my real life. do i encourage the girls i live with to be interested in certain media? yes, especially stuff i feel has a good message. i basically sat the two older ones down and showed them the pilot of the x-files. do they experience the same high level obsession i do with tv shows/movies? no. and i’m glad for that. they like to lose themselves in certain tv shows, but when the tv is off they don’t really talk about it. do i introduce them to things i’m interested in media-wise? yes. do i introduce them to books and music i was/am interested in? yes. have i told them about tumblr? no. they don’t have any access to my online “presence” (they don’t know my instagram, twitter, etc), and i don’t talk about it. when my computer is out and they’re in the room doing homework, i’m usually writing. granted, that’s usually fanfiction, but at least i’m writing something.

one of the boys i tutor is writing a book (he’s 11) which is basically a self insert that takes place in the harry potter universe. he doesn’t know what fanfiction is, and i haven’t told him (although he’d never type it up and put it online lol he barely knows how to turn the computer on), but i’m so thrilled he’s even writing that i make him sit down and write for 10 minutes before we ever start watching a movie (in english).

ANYWAY. i’m nobody’s mother and at the end of the day i’m posting this online on my stupid blog where nothing i say matters or has any influence anywhere, but i think kids should be able to enjoy a non-internet related childhood as long as possible. some of us on tumblr are old enough to actually have children that age, and as much as we like having an account on this site, if asked this same question we might not as readily say ‘yeah it’s great! i want my teenagers to have the same experience as me!’

there’s my two centimes. hope i answered your question. JuST MY OPINION.

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loading99percent · 6 years

Text

Nice to Meet You

Pairing: LYJ x OC [Li Meilian] Genre: slice of life Word Count: 1,436 Summary: “ You’re my neighbor who got drunk and thought this was your apartment but I can’t just send you back home when you keep crying and venting about all of these awful things happening to you” cliche APT AUs.

Warning: swearing and the mentioning of drinking (obviously lol)

My third request, but sharing out of order as I got inspiration in writing this request as I’m still stuck with the others. Sorry for the wait to the anon that requested this. I’ve been in a slump and life got in the way and I actually found time to write and finish this. Hope you like it and happy reading and kthxbai, Admin Lia~

Meilian staggered down the hallway of her apartment floor after stepping out of the elevators. She normally didn't get drunk unless she knew that one of her friends would take care of her, but tonight she just needed a drink and had one too many. Feeling the slight headache coming on, Meilian continued to hurried, but clumsily walk down the long hallway until she reached the door to her apartment. Meilian pressed the four digit code, but it didn't work. Believing it to be because of her drunken state, Meilian tried again, but failed once more. She steadied herself as she stared at the nine-numbered key pad as she slowly, but surely pressed the right buttons. It still didn't work.

Frustrated, Meilian let out an agitated sigh as she tried to fish her keys out of her bag. While rummaging through it she grew more irritated as she couldn't locate her set of keys amongst all the other junk she got in her bag. Cursing herself for basically stuffing so much stuff in it she started mumbling about everything else that was going on in her life at the moment and it seemed that fate really wanted to mess with her of all days. Once Meilian finally found her keys, she slowly found the right one before inserting it into the keyhole, and fter turning it and thinking it would open now, it didn't and Meilian let out a strangled cry of disbelief.

"Seriously? What the fuck, man?" Meilian silently cried as she banged her head against the door several times while not caring that it would probably leave a bruise later.

Just as Meilian's forehead was about to smack against the door for the nth time, it suddenly opened and Meilian stumbled into another body. Yanjun's eyes widened upon the female falling against him as he instinctively held out his arms and steadied her with his arms still lingering around her to make sure she wouldn't fall over.

"Are you okay?" He simply asked, but this innocent question opened a dam and Meilian burst into angry tears.

"No, I'm not okay!" She cried before ranting. "Nothing's fucking okay! Life sucks! The owner of my job is a fuckin' dick and a cheapskate. My general manager is a two-face bitch who won't hesitate to throw someone under the bus to save her own ass and all of my colleagues can't do shit without being told to do something." Meilian let out a heavy sighed. "I hate being an assistant manager that they still treat like a regular worker that knows how to do more shit than them and still keep it professional, yet all these motherfuckin' idiots think it's easy to be in my position when all they do is depend on me when they don't know how to do something or want a scapegoat."

"Daman, I hate stupid people." Meilian sighed once more as she continued to speak. "I really wanna quit, but I still need the job and money. I just wish they would realize that I'm important and without me they wouldn't even be where they are right now because they still can't fuckin' operate the system on their own without blowing up my phone left to right." Meilian leaned her head against Yanjun's chest as tears continued to escaped. "Why can't they use their own brain and actually assess the situation, look it up on their own, or even make sure it's all there before bugging me?"

Yanjun stood frozen with Meilian still in his arms and wasn't sure how to respond as he was totally not expecting this at 2 in the morning. He kind of regretted in opening the door, but he had to know who was relentlessly banging on his door and had inserted the wrong code three times that woke him up as his security system's automated voice kept interrupting his sleep. Although he has seen Meilian and exchanged a few greetings and light conversations here and there, Yanjun has never really seen her in this kind of state before or well been in her presence for this long since they said hi to one another. Plus, Yanjun never really learned his neighbor's name despite living in the apartment complex for almost two years now.

"And now I can't even enter my apartment because the code doesn't work and neither does my key." Meilian continued on speaking as she just felt like venting to someone since her roommate was overseas due to work and her other friends that she went drinking with she didn't feel like talking about work and they made sure she temporarily forgot about it. "And I have this splitting headache pounding against my head and now I really wished that I didn't drink so much tonight, but after today's stressful event at work I really needed it."

Yanjun slowly started rubbing Meilian's upper back in a comforting motion while quietly calming her down with several 'shhs' despite his shirt being drenched with his neighbor's tears. Meilian wasn't even sure why she had ranted this to her neighbor as she didn't want anyone to see her like this especially when someone as good-looking as Yanjun didn't need to witness this ugly side of her. Meilian hated anyone seeing her like this as she felt like no one should see someone in this state. Plus, she didn't even know the name of her neighbor despite living here for a couple of years. Anyways, Meilian mustered up the energy and pulled herself out of Yanjun's embrace and backed up while wiping the rest of her tears away.

"Sorry about that." Meilian apologized while shooting Yanjun an apologetic smile. "I just realized now that I kind of sobered up a bit and after seeing the number of your apartment that this isn't even my floor." She let out a scoff. "I'm such a mess and I'm sorry for disturbing you with my problems as you didn't even need to hear any of that from a total stranger although w're neighbors and what not. Anyways, I'm just gonna go and probably screamed into my pillow of this embarrassment for the rest of my life." Meilian then shot Yanjun a sheepish look. "And definitely avoid you for the remainder of my stay here, too. Bye."

Yanjun reached out a hand and took Meilian by the elbow and Meilian looked at him questioningly.

"You’re my neighbor who got drunk and thought this was your apartment but I can’t just send you back home when you keep crying and venting about all of these awful things happening to you." Yanjun told her before letting go of her elbow and rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "Well, you were crying and venting, but you seem to be feeling better now." Yanjun contemplated if he should ask the question that backfired earlier, but he felt that it was safe to ask now. "Are you okay?"

A small smiled appeared on Meilian's face as she nodded slowly. "Yeah, I'm okay now. Thanks for letting me vent out to you and for caring even if you didn't have to, but it was much appreciated."

Yanjun smiled showcasing his dimples and this made Meilian feel slightly even more better upon seeing them.

"Well, I know it's maybe like three now and you may want to sleep this off, but I'm up and you're still up," Yanjun began, "Would you like something to eat or some water and maybe an Advil or Tylenol to help you?"

Meilian let out a small chuckle as she debated with herself about his offered and agreed. "Sure, I guess. I did wake you up and since you're offering, I guess it's the least I could do to accept it."

"Lovely. I'm Lin Yanjun by the way." Yanjun introduced himself while offering his hand which Meilian accepted instantly. "Li Meilian. It's nice to finally and properly meet you, Yanjun."

"Likewise, Meilian. Oh, just to let you know, I don't know how to cook, so I hope you don't mind microwave food or ready to eat food."

"It's fine. I can probably make something for the both of us once the alcohol finally leave my system or something close to it, which reminds me. I really do need to use your bathroom though."

Yanjun chuckled as he motioned for her to enter his apartment. "It's down the hall and the first door on the left."

"Thank you!" Meilian said as she took off while Yanjun shut the door and looked towards his kitchen. "I hope I have stuff that she can actually make."

#loading99percent #idol producer scenarios #nine percent scenarios #9% scenarios #9 percent scenarios #idol producer #nine percent #lin yanjun

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rationalisms · 6 years

Note

mass effect for the ask meme (1/2/3 instead of seaons) ✨

ty tasha

the first character i ever fell in love with:i legit cannot remember, it honestly has been way too long since i first played me1!! i think it might have been tali? at least i’m pretty sure she was the one character i didn’t swap out once for someone else in the team config during my first playthru even when it was combat inconvenient lql

a character i used to love/like, but now do not:i honestly can’t think of anyone? i used to really desperately try to make myself like ashley but lately i’ve just accepted that i have always disliked her and never ever will find anything about her redeeming enough to make up for all the things i hate lol.

a ship i used to love/like, but now do not:when i first played mass effect 2 i actually thought joker and EDI were adorable and really loved the development of their relationship over the game. i was very excited for what me3 might hold for them and uh…. the actual content left me VERY cold lol. i think it’s a shame that their relationship was reduced to “lol hot robot bod” and all the actual development of EDI as a person and sentient being was completely concentrated on shepard alone. that was such a huge missed opportunity.

my ultimate favourite character:m o r d i n!! i love him so much and i have cried so many tears over just how much i love him so many times. he has the hands down BEST arc over the course of the games to me– i adore so much how he changes from someone who’s so remote and concerned with only the macro level of things to someone who learns to actually connect to people as more than just numbers or data. his self sacrifice is the most meaningful to me and i’m the proudest of his development.

prettiest character:samara, boob armor not withstanding lol. jack’s me3 design is gorgeous as well.

my most hated character:it’d be easy to give a p expected answer to this (kai leng or another easily hateable villain) but i think if i had to concentrate solely on characters on the normandy it’d probably honestly be james vega lol. i h a t e d that he was mandatory in me3 and usually avoid interacting with him. he’s the exact stereotype of male gamer self insert character i loathe and he was so discongruent compared to the rest of the team. also his interactions with f!shep made my skin crawl. h8 how you were forced into the dichotomy of ~ooOOOoo flirty~ or “i’m gonna be a huge dick to you for no reason”. just. delete him.

my OTP:f!shep/tali is REAL and i will DIE mad about bioware cutting it from the game!!! ESPECIALLY because they left the lead-up to the romance in and just cut the actual consummation!! i’m still just always crying overa) “you deserve better.” - “i got better shepard. i got you.”b) tali looking out over rannoch and saying “it’s beautiful” and f!shep NEVER EVER LOOKING AWAY FROM HER THE ENTIRE TIME and saying “yes it is” a HATECRIME tbqh fuck you bioware

the other is aria/nyreen they’re… so much….. lawful good and neutral evil exes who are still in love is the BEST set-up and i am still FIRMLY in denial about how they ended. as far as i’m concerned they’re running omega together.

my NOTP:literally any m!shep/female character ship. also f!shep/garrus. he’s SO my little bro to me and the one time i played their romance the content made me suuuper uncomfortable in how awkward it was lol i just can’t get with it.

favourite game and mission: (doing this instead of fav season or ep)me3. ik, ik, people dump on it all the time, but i honestly think it’s a masterpiece and i adore it to pieces. there’s been no other video game since that has affected me emotionally to the same level and there’s so many outstanding moments in it compared to the other two installments (even tho i love those as well). i have my issues with it (who doesn’t lol) but it’s still the best mass effect game for me.

as for fav mission, gotta be citadel dlc. ik, cliche answer BUT it’s such a perfect 3 hours of content i honestly wouldn’t change in any way.

least favourite game and mission:uuuuh i love me1 a lot but it’s my least fav out of the 3 mainly for gameplay reasons (i’m a huge completionist and i HATE having to do all the planet missions in the mako).

least fav mission is the fucking derelict reaper in me2 it’s the WORST and scares me so bad! i’m bad at survival horror type video games!!! as much as i love how much ME can swerve into a different genre so quickly i am a big baby and i can’t shoot straight

saddest death:man idk how to choose! mordin was saddest to me personally obviously because he’s my favourite character, but his death is also such a satisfying conclusion to his character arc so idk! shepard’s death is gutwrenching as well, but again, it really makes sense to me as a culmination of her story. maybe legion. partly because “does this unit have a soul?” will haunt me forever and partly because that’s the death i felt served the least narrative purpose.

character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but i hate:i don’t HATE him but i never warmed to grunt as much as everyone else seemed to. he’s fine but i don’t really emotionally connect with him as much as with the other squaddies.

my ‘you’re piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave:aria and the illusive man lmao. they’re both terrible people and i love them so very much for it. the illusive man is for sure my fav non-reaper antagonist and such an interesting character. and aria should hmu next time i’m free B)

my ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave:kaidan……… he has never done a single thing wrong in his life and it, like, actively pains me to have to put him through All That or have to hear about what he’s already been put through throughout the course of the games. let him retire to his parent’s canadian beach house in peace

my ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship:the way this question is worded is really annoying me lol. i also don’t think i have any ships i actually feel are like “omg bad dirty wrong” for ME. i want everyone to be happy.

my ‘they’re kind of cute, and i lowkey ship them, but i’m not too invested’ ship:f!shep/liara and f!shep/kaidan. i like both their romances, especially liara’s, and esp later game content with them is rly good, but i will never care about the actual romances with them as much as i care about the potential of f!shep/tali lol.

#drscalvin #reply

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betweenironyandsilver · 6 years

Note

MUSICAL ASKS: ALL! OF! THEM! (or as many as you feel like doing)

only u would want to know my shitty Thots on musicals lmao (jk ily)

1. Favorite (Reprise)

for pure head-bobbing enjoyment, this honor goes to paris/look down (les mis), but for narrative purposes, i would pick the just you wait reprise (my fair lady) because i love how you can see how much has changed

2. Best Act 1 ending.

one day more (les mis) sure does get the blood pumpin'

3. If you could go back in time to see a certain production, which one would it be?

i would kill to see the original my fair lady with julie andrews and rex harrison

4. Who should write a musical?

i guess she already has her own musical tv show, but i would definitely go see an entire musical by rachel bloom

5. The routine you recreate when home alone:

nothing, really lol...i have the bad trait trifecta of being very self-conscious, a mediocre singer and also unable to dance

6. A duet you’d love to perform and with whom.

i want to perform confrontation (les mis) with someone, doesn’t even matter whomst

also i love bad idea (waitress) but i sadly do not have the vocal capacity for those higher notes so probably no one else should be subjected to that

7. A musical everyone can learn from.

sorry that like half these answers so far are les mis-related, but i do think that les mis has something for everyone, and it’s about LOVE and REDEMPTION and FORGIVENESS

8. Favorite set design EVER.

the great comet set design (or rather, theatre design) made me gasp out loud

9. Favorite person to play (insert role)

the main musical i follow extensively through multiple casts throughout the years is my fair lady lol and my favorite person to play eliza doolittle (excluding julie andrews obviously, who is god-tier and on a different plane of existence from us mortals) is lisa o’hare

10. Best digital #ham4ham

i didn’t watch these because by then i was getting a little fatigued about hamilton lol

11. Make up a name and the ingredients for a Waitress pie.

Too Scared to Graduate, Too Tired to Keep College-ing pie, which is filled with lemons and tears

12. Best tap number.

i love the little tap battle in bottom’s gonna be on top (something rotten!)

14. Express your love for the orchestras!

they’re all valid and lovely!!!!!! when i saw les mis at west end, we could look into the pit from our seats which was so cool

15. Favorite musical written by (insert composer, lyricist)

you didn’t give me a composer/lyricist lol so im gonna say that i love alan menken and howard ashman and my favorite musical by them is beauty and the beast

16. Which part (or parts) do you sing in One Day More?

you can sing all of them if you’re not a coward

17. A line that never fails to make you laugh.

My father newly dead and the funeral boiled eggs now coldly furnished for the marriage table/methinks another chef might have whisked our desperate eggs together as one (from something rotten!)

and i would be a lot more zen/and i would punch a lot of men/if i had my time again (from groundhog day)

18. An upcoming production you’re excited for.

THE MOULIN ROUGE MUSICAL IN BOSTON!!!!!!!!!!! i wanna see it so bad

19. Do you have any funny misheard lyrics from a showtune?

hmm, none that come to mind rn

20. A musical you would NEVER see with your parents.

well my parents don’t really like musicals so we’re already a little out of options, but they would probably hate musicals that are a little “out there”

21. Musicals can introduce you to new cultures, interests, fancy words and so on. Name 3 things you’ve learned from musicals.

i felt like i was missing a lot of the references in jesus christ superstar (and i was) when i initially listened to it, so i went and read up on the various biblical stories

after watching les mis in high school, i went and actually read les mis, which was fun, and that led me to read some other stuff by victor hugo as well

i didn’t know anything about leo frank before listening to parade, and it was interesting to read about

22. Favorite OBC.

my fair lady OBC forever, we stan a singing legend with a supposed four-octave range

23. Cast recording you know by heart.

>open my itunes

>only one album, the sound of music (film version)

>3000 plays

24. Cast recording for a long car ride.

i’m a little over hamilton but it is VERY fun to sing along to in the car

25. Favorite Miscast performance.

:( i don’t really watch these, sorry

26. I really like these ones so: make 2 musical related confessions.

i think wicked is overrated

i kind of wish we would stop making musicals about random movies

27. Showtune of the day:

‘s wonderful (funny face)

28. Who would play you in a musical about your life?

my life is not exciting enough for a musical

29. Who would play your best friend in a musical about your life?

see above

30. Who would play your romantic interest in a musical about your life?

romance?? in this economy??

31. 2 solos you’d love to perform.

if i had the vocal capacity, i would love to sing vanilla ice cream (she loves me) and stars (les mis)

32. Describe yourself with 3 musical theatre characters.

i’m very bad at describing my own qualities lol

33. A character that inspires you to be better.

jean valjean, hardened embittered convict turned loving father and CHRIST FIGURE

34. A showtune that always puts you in a good mood.

she loves me (from she loves me lol) is so fun and happy. the bit where he goes “i wonder why i didn’t want her/i want her/that’s the thing that matters/and matters are improving daily!” is so fun!

35. A showtune that makes you feel melancholic.

she used to be mine (waitress) makes me think about how i’m not really very happy with where i am in life, but also that i don’t know how to really address these issues

36. Best showstopper.

something rotten!/make an omelette; a bunch of dancing eggs on the stage that unfold their costumes to turn into omelettes? random musical and shakespeare references? could your faves ever

37. A place you consider to be your Santa Fe.

hmm...i guess greece?

38. The name of the prettiest theater you’ve been to.

lyric opera of chicago owns my entire ass

39. The most intense scene from a musical.

el tango de roxanne makes me go into cardiac arrest every damn time

40. A great cover of a showtune:

hmm i can’t think of anything off the top of my head

41. Put your phone on shuffle and write the first 2 showtunes that appear.

valjean’s soliloquy (les mis) and looking down the barrel of a gun (gentleman’s guide to love and murder)

(the worst part of this one was that the first two songs that came up on shuffle were showtunes)

42. Best design of a Playbill.

i don’t actually have particularly strong feelings about any playbill designs, they are mostly all nice!

#christina replies #witchfinder-major-saucepan

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cuntess-carmilla · 4 years

Text

This is just an extremely long vent post sparked by my brother. ^_^

(Reclaimed r slur by the end in reference to myself)

Someone explain to me how my brother can be so smart yet always soooooooooo fucking wrong in everything other than thinking cops and Piñera are scum.

Actually? I know exactly why! It’s because in his colossal immaturity coupled with his trauma of having always been told that he’s dumb because he’s autistic and the combination of mostly STUPID awful teachers and bullying was the actual reason why he did so badly in school after like 3rd grade. Which I get! But the way he ~copes~ with his inferiority complex is by being possibly THE most arrogant person I’ve ever known!

Ok, no, the most arrogant one was my ex-boss who sexually harassed me, but my brother (being actually a good just really frustrating person) comes 2nd. Besides that insecure arrogance, he’s way too driven by his gut feelings without supporting those gut feelings with reason or proper sources. Sometimes AGAINST proper sources. He ESPECIALLY doesn’t inform his gut feelings with other people’s opinions to form any sort of balanced collection of ideas to consider!

Given that he also has really bad anger issues (I’m fucking uncle Iroh post-war crimes compared to him) and represses every emotion that isn’t Wrath, a lot of the time his gut is just going by whatever position, POV or idea causes him the strongest emotional reaction - again, without proper research - that aligns with his like, misanthropy and sense of The World Inherently Sucks, so a lot of the time it’s motherfucking conspiracy theories! And he sticks to the position that took 5 minutes to convince him no matter what anyone says if they don’t passionately agree with him.

AND when someone doesn’t passionately agree with him, or innocently asks questions that could make his position be exposed as wrong or unfounded, he takes it as the grandest personal insult meant to make him feel stupid and if we try to tell him that disagreeing with him or even just not being sure what we think of the positions he adopts, he literally, legit says we’re just saying that to demonize him and make HIM out to be the psycho.

I love him but he’s wrong a lot of the time EVEN compared to my very fascist parents when it doesn’t come to specific local politics (ie. hating cops and Piñera). Don’t get me wrong, they’re fascists so I disagree with 99% of their views (the ones I agree with being stuff like “rape is bad” and “femicides shouldn’t happen”), my mom herself makes up a lot of insane fascist conspiracy theories, and both of them source their information from right-wing mainstream media.

But like... At least they try to form opinions based on (the sadly biased) information they can get rather than immediately making up their minds with NO space for questioning anything based on what aligns with their emotions?

Ok, my mom not so much but she’s only like that when it comes to subjects she thinks she knows well. When it comes to subjects she knows she’s ignorant of, she doesn’t do that. She’s open to asking questions, being corrected and thinking things through in those cases.

My dad is generally capable of all those things that my mom does when she knows she’s not knowledgeable enough in the subject at hand, and actually has a pretty decent capacity to admit he’s wrong when he’s proven wrong by undeniable facts! He knows too that a lot of his own ideas and perceptions can change through time and he’d rather be properly right instead of clinging to past ideas and perceptions just to never admit he was ever wrong. What’s more, he fully accepts that people aren’t always going to agree with him on everything and that’s not a fucking hate crime! What a concept.

So like, yeah I think their politics are wrong almost entirely lol. But I can at least... Think of them as relatively functional adults when it comes to that shit even if they’re wrong and stay very wrong? My mom does take some things more personally but never to my brother’s level.

Just minutes ago my brother was spouting conspiracy theories about COVID (you know the shit, virus was human-made, it’s a conspiracy by some secret society to kill people, etc) like it was objective fact. My dad has stayed away from watching or reading any news for the sake of his own sanity so he doesn’t actually know all the facts, BUT with the facts he didn’t know, he asked him where his information came from in a very neutral way, or filled in the spaces with reasonable logic and distrusting things that are obviously conspiracy-mongering.

Just that my dad didn’t immediately agree with him and put the things he was saying to question my brother started fucking yelling and victimizing himself. I was so fucking annoyed that I committed the crime of interfering not regarding the subject itself, but regarding how my brother was handling not being agreed with. He word by word said “OH, SO YOU AGREE WITH HIM?" I told him I wasn’t agreeing or disagreeing with anyone! Because I wasn’t! I was just trying to calm the dude down and TRY to teach him, for the billionth time, to learn how to take CONSTRUCTIVE gentle criticism and to handle others having a healthy minimum of skepticism regarding the extreme ideas he proposes out of the blue! You know. Like a fucking (by tomorrow) 22 years old guy SHOULD. Ah, yes, he’s not a fucking teenager! HE’S TURNING 22 IN 23 MINUTES FROM NOW.

THEN he started victimizing himself, WITH ME.

ME! THE ONE BITCH IN THIS HOUSE WHO ALWAYS ADVOCATES FOR HIS ASS, HAS ALWAYS TRIED TO LISTEN TO WHAT HE HAS TO SAY WITHOUT DIRECTLY SHUTTING HIS IDEAS DOWN WHEN I THINK HE’S WILDLY WRONG BECAUSE EVEN THEN I MAKE SURE TO DISAGREE WITH HIM IN A WAY THAT HE DOESN’T PERCEIVE AS ME THINKING HE’S A STUPID PARANOID IMBECILE (paranoid he IS by the way!).

I’M THE ONE CUNT WHO’S ALWAYS TRIED TO MAKE THE REST OF THE FAMILY UNDERSTAND WHERE HE’S COMING FROM WHETHER HE’S RIGHT OR WRONG, WHO’S TRIED FOR YEARS (AND SUCCEEDED A LOT OF THE TIME!) TO TEACH THE REST OF THE FAMILY HOW TO ACCOMMODATE FOR HIM, HIS DISABILITY AND HIS TRAUMAS WHEN HE DOESN’T RETURN THE FAVOR TO ANYONE, SOMETIMES ASKING FOR MAYBE MORE COMPREHENSION AND PATIENCE FROM THE REST OF THE FAMILY THAN IT’S FAIR TO ASK FOR!

HELL. EVEN WHEN I TELL HIM OFF WHEN I GET PISSED AT HIM AND SAY PRETTY HEAVY THINGS TO HIM? I MAKE SURE TO ARTICULATE WHAT I’M SAYING IN A WAY THAT SHOWS COMPASSION AND IS COMPLETELY CODDLING IN TONE SO HE DOESN’T FEEL PERSONALLY ATTACKED. EVEN HE SAYS I’M THE ONLY ONE WHO “LISTENS” TO HIM.

THIS EMOTIONALLY REPRESSED DUDE WHO BREAKS FURNITURE AND DESTROYS OUR FOOD WHEN HIS ANGER OR ANXIETY TAKE OVER, WHO DOES NOT LET ANYONE SEE HIM VULNERABLE UNLESS HE’S HAVING A MELT DOWN ONLY BECAUSE THEN HE CAN’T STOP HIMSELF FROM CRYING? HE USUALLY TRUSTS ME ENOUGH TO HAVE CRIED ON MY SHOULDER MANY FUCKING TIMES.

AND HE ACCUSES ME OF JUST WANTING TO MAKE HIM SEEM LIKE HE’S THE INSANE DUMB DELUSIONAL AWFUL PERSON, SO I CAN SOMEDAY USE THIS INSTANCE AGAINST HIM IN ANOTHER “FIGHT”, WHEN I’VE NEVER FUCKING DONE THAT EVEN WHEN HE, TO BE HONEST, DESERVED IT? SERIOUSLY DUDE? FOR FUCKING REAL?

I’M THE ONE YOU’RE GONNA ACCUSE OF THAT WHEN I SPEND MY WHOLE FUCKING LIFE CODDLING YOUR PETTY ASS, PROTECTING YOU, BEING A SECOND MOTHER AND CHARGE FREE SHRINK TO YOU?

OR PULLING ALL-NIGHTERS TO HELP WITH YOUR COLLEGE HOMEWORK WHEN I’VE HAD CLASSES TOO THE NEXT DAY? SOMETIMES DOING THE WHOLE COLOSSAL PROJECT ALONE THE NIGHT BEFORE IF I REALIZE YOU’RE TOO BRAIN FOGGED, FATIGUED OR TRIGGERED TO DO ANYTHING WITHOUT GETTING SUICIDAL OR SOMETHING? SENDING YOU TO BED WHILE I DO YOUR SHIT AND DON’T SLEEP AT ALL? SOMETIMES GROUP PROJECTS WHERE YOU WERE GROUPED WITH LAZY ASSHOLES SO I’M DOING THE WORK OF 4 PEOPLE ALONE THE NIGHT BEFORE? FOR FREE?

M E ?

BITCH, I DON’T EVEN WANT A MEDAL OR TO BE THANKED BECAUSE BEING THANKED FOR ANYTHING MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE! BUT COME THE FUCK ON. I’D JUST APPRECIATE NOT BEING SLAPPED ON THE FACE IN RETURN, YOU KNOW?

*insert gif of Disney’s Hades exploding in red fire then calming down 2 seconds after*

Like you just! Can’t fucking have an adult conversation with this dude if you’re not validating him without question! You can’t! You can’t have any level of healthy friendly debate with him! You can’t beg him to be reasonable! YOU CAN’T!

He was saying “BUT IT’S OBVIOUS”, my dad asked CALMLY “With what proof?”, then it was “WELL, IT’S OBVIOUS TO ME”, then “That’s an opinion, not a fact. We can google the number” and OH MY GOD!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!

Then to ME he was all “YOU JUST LOVE TO BE RIGHT, DON’T YOU?” calling US immature and saying WE are the ones who don’t want to listen to a different opinion!!!!! When I told him he fucking loves being right he victimized himself again with a “WELL, FOR ONCE I’D LIKE TO BE!”

I was about to tell him, with the last dying bit of my patience, that yeah, like most people I do actually like to be right and I like it a lot! But that being right requires actual fucking work and THINKING rather than just going by whatever supports your misanthropic Kill Society angry feelings, and the moment you’re proved wrong YOU HAVE TO CHANGE YOUR POSITION IN ORDER TO BE RIGHT, BECAUSE IF YOU CLING TO YOUR DEBUNKED FIRST BASELESS CONVENIENT OPINION OUT OF PRIDE THEN YOU’RE OBJECTIVELY WRONG AND A PISSBABY.

But I didn’t get to say that because something else interrupted it and then things cooled off while, like a good Scorpio Mars, I’m still endlessly ruminating on and won’t forget about the rest of my life as much as I’d actually LOVE to be able to forget this instance of him being an idiot. 8)

Like, does this motherfucker not fucking get that unless I already know the subject thoroughly and have a fully fleshed Opinion, I don’t often give opinions out loud BECAUSE I try to first shape my thoughts properly and THAT’S why I tend to be fucking right? That that’s why I always have a lot of arguments and am so certain of what I think, because I’m so insecure that I only fucking talk when I’m 99.999999% confident in what I have to say, rather than it being because I’m an inflexible asshole who thinks is better than him!

And he’s seen it. He’s fucking SEEN ME acknowledge when I’m wrong!!!!! Including the times I’ve been wrong TO HIM.

In all honesty I don’t enjoy admitting when I’m wrong (in big part BECAUSE I put a lot of effort into articulating the ideas I’m standing by!), but when I realize that I am, just out of a minimum of maturity and sense of DIGNITY - because I’d find it so fucking humiliating to not acknowledge being wrong when it’s obvious that I am to everyone involved and I can no longer defend my point - I still do it!

Bitch, you said it yourself, I LIKE TO BE RIGHT. I’m going to side with what I genuinely think is right even if I used to think it was wrong! There’s a motherfucking reason that as a teenager I was a Pinochet apologist, Gays Go To Hell, Communism = Evil / Capitalism = Freedom, pro-life, Catholic and now I’m THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF ALL OF THAT.

Does he think it didn’t hurt my pride to discover one-by-one that my views were absolute shit? IT DID AND GOD KNOWS MY PRIDE IS SENSITIVE AS HELL. Does he think it wasn’t depressing to have my whole world views destroyed? I NEED TO STAND ON FIRM GROUND ON EVERYTHING OR ELSE I LOSE MY SHIT, IT WAS AWFUL TO SUDDENLY HAVE MY WORLD VIEW WRECKED. Does he think I didn’t try to argue for my WRONG ideas for as long as I still thought I had decent arguments to back them up? OF COURSE I DID, I BELIEVED IN THEM FOR A REASON, AS WRONG AS I WAS.

But I changed! I changed when I no longer had any space left to think I was right! And I operate the same way with my current positions and ideas now! Dude, I tend to be right over you BECAUSE I don’t immediately get set on the first thing that makes me feel emotionally Validated, unlike you! You ARE smart but you’re SO driven by your own colossal yet insecure ego that you don’t even BOTHER to be critical of your own thoughts and all your potential goes to waste.

I ruminate on every single little thing obsessively, to my own detriment, being my own Devil’s advocate having an ruthless debate against myself in my mind, starting off COMPLETELY insecure about my own thoughts, paranoid trying to imagine in what way I could possibly be proved wrong by someone else if I said my ideas out loud and how to hold my stance in case it happens. I NEVER say my ideas out loud to people who I think know more than me or are smarter than me, to not make a fool of myself in front of anyone because I’m a coward and I was also bullied into firmly believing I’m a fucking retard!

All of that pathological effort because I actually don’t think I’m better than you or anyone else! I think I’m really fucking stupid! So I overthink it all endlessly and by PRINCIPLE I distrust and question my own thoughts and perceptions at every single second. For hours, days, weeks, months, EVEN YEARS.

That’s why when I do speak I’m one of those annoying bitches who have an answer to everything! BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU’D TRY TO PROVE ME WRONG ON THAT FRONT ALREADY AND I DON’T WANT TO GO THROUGH THAT HUMILIATION SO I ALREADY HAD THAT SHIT COVERED BEFORE I DECIDED TO SAY ANYTHING.

And nothing in that exhausting, paranoid process guarantees I’ll be correct! So even when I firmly think I’m right I keep it to myself some more in case that maybe two years later or something I’ll discover a flaw in my thought process.

It’s so tiring, it’s so fucking tiring how EVERYONE who knows me from afar or from very FUCKING close, thinks that any and every one of the fucking things I achieve just fell into my stupid hands out of the sky by mere luck because God felt like giving me an easy ride that day. They ALL think I’m some arrogant bitch for the very few things I don’t doubt anymore when I try my best to be humble as long as I don’t humiliate myself! But I’m SURE they all think I’m a conceited lucky show off!

EVERY TIME I’m for fucking once proud of anything I achieve, people tell me to my fucking face that I’m just naturally and inexplicably talented, taking away any merit of my fucking own.

Like it’s a FUCKING compliment that, supposedly, everything I’ve achieved by pushing myself to my limits despite being at a disadvantage in so many areas, destroying my already ill body and breaking my autistic little brain, barely sleeping for days, having panicked crying fits where I self-harm because it’s not good enough and I don’t know how to make it right... What I finally accomplish by putting in all that effort, self sabotage and sacrifice?

Oh, it just fell into my hands because I’m THAT blessed, apparently! It’s all just LUCK AND TALENT I DIDN’T DO A THING TO EARN! I’m SO lucky and effortlessly talented! I feel SO fucking flattered!!! :) Thank you SO much! :) I’ve never EVER doubted myself also! :D

#also i know there's typos but you know what there's nothing of?#my shits to give or any energy from how exhausted i already was before all this

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to-future-self · 4 years

Text

This is very long and unplanned

Well, hello

So, I diverge from my parents. Like most adolescents, I do, yes, disagree with my parents. I know, I know, shocker.

I find it to be very scary, really. Suddenly, those who always had the answer don't have it anymore. And, once again, the fact that there is no certainty in life slaps me in the face again and again and again. Sometimes I worry I'll never get used to it, to life. I feel as if no one really does, but I don't think this is the uplifting mantra I want to carry throughout my existence. "No one will ever understand what we are supposed to do, because we aren't supposed to do anything!" Living isn't supposed to be meaningful, not by default. But I do know that the only one who can attribute meaning to life is the individual living it.

The fact that we are all individuals is the reason there will never be true peace. No, we're too different, all of us, in so many ways. This doesn't mean we can't coexist with those differences, but I don't believe there's any plausible scenario (and by that I mean, no thought reforming BS or total human annihilation) where everyone is quiet and happy. This is one beautiful and terrifying thing about humans, we're bound to noise, never to silence.

A community, whether we like it or not, is not homogeneous. It's a bunch of individuals that are scrunched together and not mixing, no matter how hard some try. Every single one of us is just weirdly unique, with our own objectives, likes, dislikes, good and not so good facts and beliefs. We're all just existing, and we all have the right to since we all have value. To exist is, supposedly, very valuable in itself.

I'll get to the value of a human being and MY OWN VALUE as a human being eventually, don't worry. I looove rambling in tiresome texts.

But let's get to the point, at least the initial one: Should all people be allowed to exist? Or, at least, should people be able to experience freedom or is it more secure to tame it in some capacity?

Now, what do I mean about that?

My parents are not anti-racists, they also are quite careless when it comes to cute 2020 surprise, Corona, and my dad is quite unfond of concepts such as feminism. Ok, they do sound like idiots, and that worries me because they're not. And it kills me that I can't love them less for it.

I came to the conclusion that one can't end an idea. Ideas are created and exist, immortal, but not undiscussable. Therefore, racism or sexism or any bad-ism will never end, as long as there's someone out there that truly believes it, or some kind of registration, either being through manuscripts and historical papers of some sort or just through the impact the past makes in the present and future (as a 16-year-old, my conclusions are not mind-blowing, they're mostly stupid and lame and not original).

And those bad-isms exist because of the conflict we, humans, will never get rid of. Bad-isms exist because some believe that others, different from them, shouldn't exist, or are not correct, or are inferior to them for some reason. Basically, you shouldn't exist, because you're not like me. And to disagree with those is plausible, right? Everybody should have the right to exist, even if harmony is unachievable. RIght?

That's when you get movement, revolution, opposition, which is great. Not easy nor pretty, even though some think so (yes, I'm looking at you, miss ˜I-Like-Romanticising-History". Did you enjoy Hamilton?) Those people who were massively mistreated through the course of human existence are screaming, and the world starts to notice their voice. And it's just so fucking amazing, even if things aren't fixed, and most likely never will. Things are slowly getting better. Hurray!

Hurray?

Now, I'm no expert in social sciences. Actually, I'm no expert in anything, I'm sixteen. But it is bizarre to see how people have a hard time looking past their own nose. Me included, obviously, but let's talk about that later. Ok, things got better, but they're not good. It's not very difficult to find some numbers stating how many black people die every day because of cop violence, or how many women are being abused every day in any social sphere they're inserted in, or how many trans people are beaten to death every day because of their identity. And that's me not remembering many, many other examples of how things are not alright. We're not walking on sunshine. However, to those who do not really experience any of it, or care to know about it, this is very foreign. Those are people who look at the past, think "Yikes. Good thing the world is not like that anymore!", and go live their lives carelessly. They don't see anything wrong with the now, now is good, and they don't understand how there are people who are still complaining! Hello-o, you got your rights, shut up already!

That, gentleladies and gentlemen and gentlenon-binary, is my father.

And that same father feels like he has no right to be wrong, or of disagreeing with people. He's terrified of the idea of limitation of freedom, he thinks it will lead to some kind of new dictatorship, and "they" are already working on it - "They" being the masterminds behind a to-be controlled world of some sort. Therefore, according to my dad, we can't get someone arrested for thinking the most absurd or saying the most absurd, because 1. They haven't done anything tangible yet, 2. Even if they're complete and utterly disgusting, they have the right of believing and saying whatever they want.

I feel as if this is the main ideological conflict we have nowadays (I'm not sure, I don't know way too much about the world to have an opinion, but we'll go back to that too). We have people who want to diminish, control, or even exterminate others, but, if they don't effectively do anything, should they be punished? As someone who isn't affected by many of the violence in the world today, I don't know.

Because I know there's nothing I can do to stop it from happening, bad-isms are always going to be there, but we need to keep trying to make them almost nonexistent. But then, you can't convince people, or explain to them, the damages of something through violence. This type of change can't happen through force, because it won't clarify anything to those who don't know or don't care. This doesn't mean passivity, but it means effective dialogue and loads of patience and, honestly, that's really hard too. I don't think there will be many people willing to persist in a (most likely) one-sided conversation with their abusers. And that's to say that all people can be convinced, which is not the case at all! People are stubborn, especially when they're talking about something they feel deeply about, such as their moral compass or their beliefs.

I'm afraid I advocate for different types of resistance or social change because I don't know what it feels like. Because I don't understand suffering. I understand anger, sadness, and guilt, but not suffering. Not truly. And then, I must not forget that I have been raised by my parents, who believe that yes, anyone can be proven wrong, and yes, you should be able to think freely, no matter how disgusting what you think about is. And I thought I agreed with that too until the day I realized I'm terrified of judgment, and again the day of the racist episode in my school happened.

Some guys had a Whatsapp group. I have no idea what they talked about usually, but I, and the entirety of my city (and the internet, obviously), got to see bits of a terrifying conversation. They were talking about what girls they would rape, but then they got to one in particular. Since she was black, she was worth less than a piece of gum, raping her was disgusting, she would smell awful and they would prefer to sell her on the internet. You know, like a slave. LOL.

People can be inhuman sometimes. Later, I would discuss this episode with my parents. It was sort of inevitable since it was all over the news, but it made me feel awful. Because "Hell, they're kids! Stupid kids, but they didn't do anything. Everything could be racism then, you know? Who is to judge what is and isn't? What will they do next, invade our privacy? Check if we are or aren't conforming to what 'they' believe is right? People say stupid shit all the time! What will 'they' do, arrest everyone?" Holy shit, the way they diminished the situation, the way they made it about something else! I know they don't agree with the kids, but what the fuck, no empathy at all? "The girl must hear that every day, she's fine" FUCK, WHAT ABOUT THAT IS FINE??

And then, well, I realized I'm not my parents. And then I realized I still love them. A lot. And that scares me. I hope I'm not a victim of unconditional love, it makes you accept the unacceptable. But I love my parents, and it will take more than them ignoring human suffering for me to stop. Like, my dad voted (and seems to be in love with) for a guy who thinks "people like me" should be beaten as a child to "take the gay out of them", and I still love him. It is fucking terrifying.

Then, I get to one of my greatest self-doubts. Am I critical of violent methods of action because, deep down, I believe there should be no action? People should just exist? What is the best next step to coexisting? Should voices be shut by the voiceless? Are voiceless shutting anyone up? Should people care or not? If we don't care, there's eternal apathy, but if we do, there's just a great war of interest. What is right? Who determines what is right? Can people be wrong if being wrong means suffering? Am I scared of knowing things because then I'll have to acknowledge I'm really, truly horrible and have been doing everything wrong? Am I that scared of disagreeing with what I believe is true? Of what people I respect and want to like me believe is true?

Unanswered. I think. I don't know.

Hi, I'm someone highly dependent on others' opinions about me. Not so long ago, I noticed that I lie. All the time. To the point I don't remember things I said, or can't keep up with them. 'Cause I need to be liked. I need so much to be liked I don't think I have opinions I haven't borrowed from other people. I can't act by myself, I feel the need of having someone tell me what to do, what is right, what is wrong, how to live. Shit, I ruined my friendship with the only people I talked to in 5 years because I projected all my insecurities and a sense of right and wrong on them and then blamed them for it. And now, while I'm trying to stop some of my bad habits, such as lying, I am so lost. So, so lost. And I don't know if that's because I lost my sense of identity once those who told me how to be are not there anymore or because this is me. Actually me. And I hate it. I feel as if anyone I knew before now was just meeting a facade.

I don't like what I used to like anymore. I don't read, don't draw, don't write, only sing when at the verge of tears, almost never listen to music, don't dance alone at 3 A.M., don't make pancakes, can't stand my birds, haven't changed clothes in almost a month, don't seem to find the most hilarious shit funny. I'm giving cooking a try, it's been very fun when I'm alone. That's another thing: being alone sucks, but it's how I want to be 99% of the time.

I always struggled with feeling good about myself. Because the bits that I knew were entirely me never seemed appealing to most people. Sometimes I can't stand myself so much that I make myself stop thinking, fearing that someone might think my thoughts are uninteresting. I never felt so uninteresting in my life. My biggest thrill recently has been planning how to organize the notes in my binder, and I'm not even good at it. If I could, I would shut up forever, because I never know what to say. I'm terrible at it, convos. Recently, I had this breakdown because I was searching "How to talk to people" on Youtube. I never felt so pathetic, so useless… So I cried for about 3 hours.

Actually, I always feel as if I am wrong. Nothing I do is ever right. It's very fun, this constant feeling that everybody hates you and is just keeping up with your bullshit since they're too polite to just say "You suck". It's so weird that I'm constantly telling myself that if people knew the truth about me, I would be completely alone. So I'm constantly telling myself how I should just cut everyone out of my life so they don't have to waste so much on me. And it's all in my head but if I don't talk to anyone, it'll come true, but if I do talk, people will just realize how much of a piece of shit and nothing I am.

My therapist once told me that I'm not obliged to be entertaining all the time and that I can be boring, but the truth is that I don't know anything. I am very much filled with just air and, if I don't make things up, people will be just stuck there with absolutely nothing. And then leave. And it will be all my fault, as it usually is.

I think the most pathetic recent thing I've done is to become possessive of this pillow I have. I use it to feel less lonely at night, sometimes I like to pretend it is my boyfriend and just hold it real tight (not really because then "I would be crushing him"). God, I've cried so much against this pillow and slept with it so much to the point I can't sleep unless I'm hugging something. And, sometimes, when my sister lies in the bed with me, I don't let her lie on top of it. Do you know when children have those clothes they get really attached to? I feel like that. Memory Boy, if you're reading this, I'm sorry if it's creepy. But it is the truth.

By the way, I'm so sorry if I talk too much and don't give you the chance to talk. Or if I'm never talking to you. This seems contradictory, but I miss you so fucking much and I really love you. I'm really sorry I'm not present, I'm just not myself enough or interesting and I really don't want you to see me like this.

My family is not really respecting the quarantine, and they convinced me to go out with them a few times. And I hate it. So much. I become paranoid that I'm part of the problem and I'll kill someone or that people will know that I'm out and scream with me and hate me and judge me and hate me. And my fucking dad thinks everything is fine and dandy and if he goes out without a mask he won't infect anyone and if he gets infected and dies it's fine because life goes on without him and this whole thing will be over in no time he can show you the fucking numbers because only 100 people are dying per day in this state, isn't this great? People are still dying, my dad doesn't seem to care because "you do you. If there are some idiots who don't care, let them die. Why does it concern you?" as if this isn't a situation where your actions affect the people around you and as if I shouldn't care if people die and as if I shouldn't care if my own fucking father dies because "they chose to do so to themselves". Fucking amazing. Thanks, Dad, I'm so less worried now.

And, when I refuse to go out, my family blames me for being no fun at all or "having a phobia of the outside.", since I have absolutely no reason not to go, everything is fine and dandy now, shopping malls are reopening and there's no way a second wave could happen, no sir. And, when I do go out, I try to wear things I would never wear and avoid phones so there's no proof I was outside. And, when I come back, I start searching for pictures of me between those pictures taken of people outside and feeling guilty, so guilty for going because if I didn't want to go, I could have not gone. And then I'll feel terrible and hate myself and cry and want to hurt myself, even though I won't. And just feel bad for it forever because it's my fault that I went outside and I could have just stayed, why didn't I stay, now everyone will hate me so much and I'll have contributed to the death statistics in my country and people will call me out for it and hate and never talk to me again and I'll have killed someone and made their family miserable and it will be all my fucking fault as usual because I could keep my ass home.

And oh my god, I'm so great. I'm so completely fine, I have nothing to worry about and I keep creating problems when I could just shut up. Sometimes I feel as if my feelings are wrong and far too much so I try to pretend they don't exist because, well, they shouldn't. I have no real reason to feel as sad or angry as I do all the time, especially when there are people with real problems out there and I'm just shoving the fucking great life I have against their faces and pretending as if it is the worst. When, actually, I make up all my problems and I should just stop whining and just be fucking happy already because I have no reason to feel sad and angry. I just wrote down some things that are on my mind but they're so fine and not a problem at all. I just really hate being too much.

Honestly, I usually re-read my letters to correct it and make it coherent, but I won't this time. I seriously blacked out while writing this and just am not willing to revisit right now. I've been writing this for three days now and, most of it I did in a row. Spent two days in the beginning and then an entire day just vomiting words nonstop. I'm sorry if it was long.

#granola bird

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