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jeweled-blue-eyes · 3 years

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I was going through the manhwa and it hit me that unlike Athy and Jennette's dresses, we never see anyone dissecting the meaning behind Claude or Anastacius's costume, even though they have much underlying symbolism to offer with all their varying colours and motifs. And these are the two most rich characters in terms of backstory and human relationships. Ur detailed dissection on Jennette's costumes are so good that I'm scarily tempted to tempt u to do this one. Will u do this one analysis🥺???

I don't know anything about the medals or the flowers on Claude's clothings since I'm don’t know flower language... But I can give my thoughts on some of his clothings.

Claude wears three types of clothings throughout the manhwa: 1. royal military uniforms 2. togas 3. victorian children clothings of the upper/middle class (play suits + sailor suits).

What is striking is that all three types of clothings he wore can be associated with freedom and oppression equally (1. military 2. ancient romans 3. royal navy).

Let's start with the first outfit he wore as a child: The sailor suit.

In 1846, the four-year-old Albert Edward, Prince of Wales was given a scaled-down version of an enlisted man’s sailor suit. It was almost certainly a carefully chosen decision calculated to make the public associate the monarchy which had declined in popularity with the most popular institution in Britain -The Royal Navy.

What do we know about the royal navy? Besides it’s role in British colonialism and the suppression of many Asian and African peoples, it helped to defeat a series of opponents for the most part countries goverened by authoritarian or dictatorial rulers (Philip II, Louis XIV, Napoleon, Kaiser Wilhelm II), in other words: tyrants.

Sailor suits which are associated with childishness and innocence stand in juxtaposition to it’s militaristic origin . It’s a reminder how young Claude was still pure and innocent, yet without being fully aware of it he was thrown into a battle for succession at such a young age, and expected to survive or die trying.

We could also dvelve into color theory a little bit: Brown is mostly associated with humility, plainness and poverty. It could be a reminder of his commoner origin. Perhaps it tells us that his mother didn’t have much money back then and Claude had to get dressed in clothes that didn’t gave away easily how often they got mended or got dirty, because his mother could only afford a few sets of clothing. This is only a speculation: perhaps the money meant for Claude was mostly used for the treatment of his mother’s sickness. (I can’t see the Emperor paying the treatment of a chronically ill lover. Unless he actually loved her).

We could also assume that Claude intentionally picked out plain brown clothing that would allow him to blend well with the environment. The flashback in chapter 73 shows us little Claude hiding behind the bushes from the palace guards. Considering his state of increased alertness, he seemed to be used to sense danger approaching and find ways to hide quickly and efficiently.

Ah before I forget too much brown can also create feelings of sadness, isolation and loneliness...alright, you get what I mean, I stop here.

Now to Anastacius. While Claude’s attire is more lowkey about it’s violent origin: Anastacius’ is more upfront. He’s already aware of the situation he is in. He knows his little brother is more talented than him and feels threatened enough to consider the words of Caracks who tried to lure him away. Anastacius wears something resembling a mix of military uniform and a victorian play suit in blue and red.

Blue was also considered the most prestigious colour, and was granted to “royal” regiments.

I think Anastacius and Claude’s outfits were meant to show that they were at a crossroad in life. When Ana was still friendly with Claude he started out wearing play outfits and then as his relationship with Anastacius deteriorated, gradually started to wear normal suits and uniforms until he was wearing his ceremonial military uniform at the day he killed Ana.

The Obelia brother’s wearing a military uniform signifies that they are at war with someone. They are ready to spill blood. You can see it in The Lovely Princess, where when Athy meets Claude for the first time, instead of a toga he is wearing a military uniform and continues to do so almost until his death. We know that Diana was the one who introduced him to Siodonna’s fashion. With the memories of her gone, so was the peaceful presence in his life and he became a misanthrope. The memory spell had taken full affect and he was incapable to love or care for Athy in any way. Athy became his biggest torment, his enemy. Similarly our! Claude is only wearing a military uniform at official occations like Athy’s debutante ball, where he had to face the nobles which he resented so much. And even now, in the latest chapters he bothered to change his clothes with magic from a toga into a uniform when he reunited with his elder brother.

Whenever Anastacius and Claude are wearing a military uniform they are meeting someone hated (LP verse Claude met Athy, birthday baquet! Claude met the nobles (Roger), and now in chapter 109 he met his brother who had tried to kill him), they either want to demonstrate strenght (the uniform at Athy’s birthday baquet was more show) or they are ready to attack (the uniform in the recent chapters was more practical to move in).

However they are also stress on the fact that they belong to the royal family and are ought to be respected.

Ana wore almost constantly military uniforms, because he felt the need to show that he was the heir. Not only by birthright, but also in appearance. Only when he went undercover he switched his wardrobe to suits (still, in purple in the color of royality) and puffy shirts. You can see it when Anastacius entered the palace with Jennette. When Ana is fighting against Claude he is either wearing a royal blue (past) or a combination of red and black (present).

“ Black and red. In western culture, these are the two most sinister colors, as red typically conveys the meaning of blood or anger, and black is that of darkness or death. Being a very visually striking combination, they can also convey a sense of power. Together, they additionally give the impression of burning coal or wood, i.e. "fire and destruction".”

(TV Tropes: Red and Black and Evil All Over)

In his previous life he bought fire and destruction upon Obelia...like in Athy’s nightmare remember? So it’s is kind of a bad omen as well.

Anastacius uniform in black and red forms a strong contrast to Claude’s uniform, which is dyed in colors of purple and pure white. “The color purple is often associated with royalty, nobility, luxury, power, and ambition. Purple also represents meanings of wealth, extravagance, creativity, wisdom, dignity, grandeur, devotion, peace, pride, mystery, independence, and magic.”

My point is that Ana’s appearance reflect his state of mind. Being all the time at war with his brother. The paranoia to get overthrown. The fear not to be enought. He insisted on wearing the ceremonial royal uniform, the crown and the coat, in royal colors, because he felt inferior towards Claude and it made him feel safer. If he thought his own skills as heir were lacking he sought to compensate with the way he presented himself in public (his inferiority complex might have contributed to his lavish livestyle and tendency to waste money).

The only exception where Ana is not wearing a uniform is a scene during the time of Ana and Claude’s falling out. But he still emphasizes that he belongs to the Imperial family in another way: The brooch on his vest, has the same blue shade as the color of his eyes, which are a trademark sign that only the Imperial family possesses. In chapter 109, Claude and Athy chose to wear a similary colored brooch to show that they are the “true” heirs.

#does this make sense #I'm tired #anon #answered asks #wmmap outfits #wmmap #who made me a princess #sbapod #suddenly became a princess one day

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bobdylanrevisited · 3 years

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Another Side Of Bob Dylan

Released: 8 August 1964

Rating: 8/10

Recorded in just one drunken night, the album sees Dylan distance himself from the protest scene and socially conscious songs of his previous two records. He did not want to be labelled or put on a pedestal, and even actively rejects these notions on certain songs. His writing really becomes more esoteric on this album, and it’s clear he is now moving in a completely different direction, away from traditional folk music. This would be his last recording with just his guitar, piano, and harmonica for 28 years.

1) All I Really Want To Do - There are two schools of thought on this song. One is that the list of what Bob doesn’t want - ‘I ain’t lookin’ for you to feel like me, see like me or be like me’ - is aimed at his audience, who he felt were looking to him to inform them on politics, rather than thinking for themselves. The other is that the song is about his recent breakup with Suze, and it has been classed as a feminist piece that questions roles within a relationship and between the sexes in general. Whilst I personally lean towards the former explanation, there’s no doubt that this is a fun song, with a country inspired yodelling chorus, and Bob making himself laugh throughout.

2) Black Crow Blues - A classic 12 bar blues arrangement, this is a nice little song which doesn’t really mean much, which is unusual for Dylan. As there isn’t much to dissect, I’ll just say that it’s an enjoyable tune with some nice piano and Bob’s singing is great on the track.

3) Spanish Harlem Incident - Whilst this is a great song that is essentially a straightforward love story, it’s a great example of the advancement of Dylan’s writing. The rhyming patterns and his vocabulary are a major leap forward into a more surreal songwriting phase, but it shows just how much the poetry that Suze had introduced him to was having an effect.

4) Chimes Of Freedom - The only ‘protest’ song on the album, this is a fucking amazing track. Not only is it written like an apocalyptic poem, it’s almost biblical in its imagery and much more complex than anything he had written before it. Listen to any live version from 1964, and you’ll hear Dylan’s intensity as he roars for freedom. This can be seen as a turning point for the songs that he was about to release on his next three (best) albums, and is a masterful example of how he uses language to stir up emotion like no one else can.

5) I Shall Be Free No. 10 - A ‘talkin’ song that harks back to ‘Freewheelin’, this is another surreal, Kerouac-esque piece. The improvised feel of the lyrics unfortunately makes the song hard to connect to, and despite there being a lot of words, few of them mean anything. Whilst the song is somewhat funny, I’m sure it seemed a lot funnier to those in the studio under the influence. This is definitely the weakest song on the album, but that’s not to say its a completely joyless 5 minutes of your life.

6) To Ramona - This is a beautiful waltz, both tender and emotional, it delves into issues of confidence and conformity. Compared to the popular, vacuous love songs of the era, which relied on superficial platitudes, this is a stark look at attraction and relationships which feels eminently personal.

7) Motorpsycho Nitemare - Based on the film ‘Psycho’, this begins as an absurd tale about meeting a farmer and his daughter. However, as the song progresses, the theme shifts to Cold War/Communist paranoia and the power of free speech, which ends up saving the protagonists life. Whilst not strictly a protest song, it does focus on topical social and cultural issues, to humorous effect.

8) My Back Pages - Dylan uses this song to turn his back on his old self, and emerge a new artist. It is a brilliantly brutal rejection of the activism scene he was increasingly heralded as leading, and it even doubts his own former views and his career up until that point. It’s an incredible composition, with more self-awareness and self-analysis than a 23 year old should be capable of, and again proves this album was a stepping stone to a completely different Bob Dylan. The classic line, ‘I was so much older then, I’m younger than that now’, proves that he is striving for the innocence and enjoyment in his career that may have been taken away from him too soon, by those pushing him to be someone he didn’t want to be.

9) I Don't Believe You (She Acts Like We Never Have Met) - A song about emotional abandonment, following a passionate night. Whilst the album version is a good song with some great vocals from Bob, the song really came alive on the 1966 electric tour with The Band. That version is incredible, and I actually think Bob should have waited and recorded this song in ‘65/66 with a backing band, as it really suits that style more.

10) Ballad In Plain D - The only song Bob ever apologised for. This is quite a cruel recap of his break up with Suze, and he uses it to publicly air their dirty laundry and insult her sister. It’s obviously a crime of passion, written in an emotional rage, but I agree with Bob that he shouldn’t have released it due to the content. It’s a shame, as the song is very well written and performed.

11) It Ain’t Me Babe - Written originally about Suze, Bob is owning up about not being perfect (perhaps guilt from his Joan Baez affair?), and telling her she deserves better, which is an odd juxtaposition considering the song that proceeds it. However, I think you can also read into the lyrics that it could once again be aimed at his audience, much like the opening track. Whichever it is, this is another song that experiments with language and is, finally, a great closing number.

Verdict: The actual album itself is fairly sloppy; words are forgotten and chords are changed mid-song. However, it has this frenetic energy and urgency that makes you wish you had been in the studio that night, witnessing the transformation of a young, folk icon into a modern day Arthur Rimbaud. Whilst it isn’t as perfect as the previous two albums, it’s an important one in the evolution of Dylan and gave us a number of classic songs. Incredibly, what came next was even further away from the mining town boy playing on MacDougal Street, and was about to challenge and change the musical landscape forever.

#bob dylan #another side of bob dylan

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itwill-comeback · 4 years

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More headcanons bb

☆ Someone [Tomas] implanted a huge phobia of hospitals and doctors in Vlad like "If you ever get taken to a hospital they're gonna figure out that you're not human and dissect you like a frog, you'd be a freak science experiment" and 1. Vlad only feels safe in hospitals with Nelly and 2. Thanks for making him feel like even more of a freak you punkass and 3. When he woke up post-staking and was just like "Otis is here?" His mind immediately is torn between Fuck That Where's Nelly? & Otis Wouldn't Let Doctors Dissect Me, Right? & What happened to Joss? Is he here? Am I safe right now?

☆ Nelly knows he gets antsy in hospitals even when she's with him, but doesn't know why. She tries to talk him into coming by while she's working and meeting her coworkers but he just digs his heels in, full stop "Nah, I'm-- I'm okay... thanks tho"

☆ Also once he got into his teens and all his doctor's visits involved the doctor offering to speak with him privately without Nelly in the room just makes him damn near have a panic attack every time and outright refusing to let people draw his blood because NopeNopeNope I'mNotHumanGoAway!

☆ Getting his wisdom teeth removed and demanding he get all four of those teeth back because he doesn't want anyone to have his DNA.

☆ Normal Elysians never have to deal with this issue because vampires actually love the medical field. They can easily convince humans around them to give them a raise or help then with an overnight shift or donate money to the hospital or be more understanding about wait times or agree to a better treatment or forgive medical debt because everyone who has to deal with anything within a stone's throw of the medical field, either as a patient or hospital staff, is just consistently overworked, underpaid or just outright frazzled and exhausted. This leaves their minds open to persuasion and vampires use that to their advantage a lot.

☆ Never understood why vampires in movies can't handle being around humans in hospitals because oh no they might bleed! Like dude come on I could smell the most delicious food on the planet and still the other smells of Hospital just kill any appetite I might have. I'm supposed to believe people with super senses wouldn't get nauseating headaches at the smell of all that disinfectant and bleach and latex and sweat and chemicals and medicine and death and holy hell those bright ass lights? There's nothing appetizing in a hospital for folks with regular senses. Vampires at best just adapt to the senses onslaught that is the inside of a hospital and bear it for the sake of helping people.

☆ Also fuck the idea that vampires inherently just don't give a fuck about people. We see a few instances of people not immediately noticing the difference between humans and vampires and I honestly think vampires would rather help every person that needs their help than be picky about who gets much needed medical attention.

☆ On top of that even if vampires don't necessarily want to help people because it's the right thing to do, they could just as well be in it for the money because they would make fucking phenomenal doctors with their super senses and their extreme precision and attention to detail. Also just imagine the bedside manner of someone who can literally read your mind. They know exactly what you're afraid of and exactly what you want to hear, and what you need to hear.

☆ Otis tells Vlad about cool stuff Elysia made like chess, cities, and Sony, but he doesn't even think to mention all the brilliant accomplishments of Elysian doctors and scientists because there are so many, you could write a book about all the stuff vampires figured out as time went on in the medical field alone.

☆ And all that stuff about "this hasn't changed in the medical field in the past 70/80/100 years" Yeah that's because lots of vampires don't appreciate change if it isn't absolutely necessary. There's a lot of "When I was just a premed fledgling we still used brass doorknobs that disinfected themselves and now everybody wants stainless steel everything ugh"

☆ Add to that that it's usually free for doctors to sit in on lectures and classes about new medical stuff so that their practice methods don't become dated and vampire doctors literally get to watch humanity get better at medicine.

☆ Elysians almost certainly knew about bacteria and infection since before the plague but couldn't explain it to humans without betraying their secret so they had to use the right methods with the wrong science behind it to get stuff done. Ex. Plague doctors wore masks, gloves, long coats and boots, and had canes to keep distance from people but since they couldn't explain the concept of airborne disease to humans they just went "uhhh, the air is dirty? The stench of death spreads the plague so I wear this mask with herbs in it which protects me from the miasma? Gloves and cane so I don't have to touch sick people? Touching is bad, people are dirty?" And humans just went with it. Historians be like "They were wrong, but their methods were right! How observant mankind was!"

☆ Tomas was hailed as a great help with hunting during the plague times but fuck him, if anyone's gonna know who's healthy and who isn't it's the vampire doctors and they no doubt showed active disdain for Tomas going around and killing the few healthy humans left in any given populace. Like if you just take those humans as drudges and make sure they stay healthy you can share them with other vampires and then some people survive the sickness! They have antibodies for the plague! Don't kill them!

☆ So no doubt vampires cover all of the medical field and can easily keep information about Elysian patients out of the hands of human staff and helped shape privacy in the medical field (things like not reading through people's medical records unless it's necessary, laws that keep your medical information protected) but also the definite pursuit of Elysians to figure out what their biology is and isn't capable of, figuring out why they can't catch sicknesses and why they're allergic to garlic and how drinking blood of all things sustains their bodies.

☆ Can you imagine how dope it would've been if Nelly had lived and married Otis and become a vampire and just had so much further knowledge about medicine given to her? At first it's difficult for her to get passed all the sensory overload of the hospital but once she does she's absolutely ten times happier at her job? Night shifts are a blessing and she's happy to take them to let her human coworkers get home to their families? I'm always big heart eyes for Nelly, but fledgling nurse Nelly?? Is so so good?? One downside is that Vlad is even more insistent that they both get out of bed before he leaves the house because trauma.

☆ All her coworkers think she's so perky because she got married and finally has someone at home to help her and she's now got an empty nest and literally they're all just like "ooo girl! Marriage looks so good on you! How's your boy? He doing good at Stokerton University? How's your new hubby?? When is he gonna come by so we can meet him??" And she also gains new friends through meeting all her vampire coworkers I'm 💖💖💖 love one newlywed nurse!

☆ Vlad meeting vampire medical staff who [despite being super intrigued by his biology] are very understanding to his anxieties about hospitals and try to help him overcome his fears. This sweet anxious halfling gets his blood drawn for the first time in his life at age 18 and is super relieved to see that all the stuff they do is noninvasive and really not that bad.

☆ All the DNA analysis stuff they tell him about is sorta lost on him because he doesn't speak doctor lmao, but Nelly is super intrigued and can explain it to him in regular people terms.

☆ Also Elysian psychologists help him recognize that his dad planted that fear in his mind so that he'd avoid hospitals and avoid most things so that he'd probably never meet any Elysians. And probably also to distance himself from his aunt who Tomas likely saw as an obstacle and just in general he wanted Vlad to be distrustful of everyone and avoidant of others, especially people who would try to help him.

☆ Vlad makes fledgling friends at college and admits he has a phobia of hospitals and one of his friends is like "Dude don't be afraid of hospitals, doctors are super nice! I'm gonna be a doctor soon, I wouldn't dissect you 🥰" and another one's all "I'm gonna become a nurse, like your aunt! Medical staff are legit just normal people with good hearts! You have nothing to be afraid of." And it just completely shakes Vlad's view of medical staff as mad scientists who want to cut him open.

☆ Not that Vlad didn't have enough trauma to get therapy for [the staking, the fire, the attempted soul snatching, being bitten by crazies, his friends and family almost being killed, Tomas fucking Tod, almost draining his girlfriend, his abandonment issues, ect.] I just genuinely think being afraid of hospitals is a natural thought process for someone who's the first half-vampire half-human in the world. Also Tomas would do some shit like that to Vlad, never plant any phobia of something that would help him like slayer phobia or garlic phobia, but something he would almost certainly need someday? Like medical treatment? Yeah, let's make him afraid of that, Tomas. That's a great idea.

☆ As a little not medical related thing, I think even though Vlad said he didn't care what Otis did with the house when he was renovating it, I think he definitely was a little bit inclined to have Otis use stuff that was flame resistant and almost certainly put like four fire extinguishers in different spots in the house and was real particular about getting good blinds and drapes for the windows. Also no way in hell does he let Otis get a gas stove.

#can y'all tell my parents work in a hospital? lol #:: lighting off the blaze (headcanon)#:: casper speaks (shouting into the void)#the chronicles of vladimir tod #I'll probably write more later about what the hell happened with him in the hospital post-staking #because holy hell what did the doctors even do for him with a fucking stake buried in his heart??#i just had some thoughts about trauma and vampires and hospitals and thought id share #fuck Tomas Tod #for the thousandth time

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toshtrek-blog · 5 years

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Things I learned From My trekking Experience

Blue, green and dark colored were my most utilized pastel hues all through my youth not realizing that these hues will perpetually leave firm engravings on my life. I am an all out slope individual. I adore everything without exception about mountains, clear blue skies, tremendous green knolls and thick woodlands. I don't recall what kick began this adoration yet it's there now for some time and one thing that I am certain of is that it will last till my legs give away. I regularly adventure out to high elevation landscapes to move away from the residue and contamination of city life, now and then to take a break from dreary and exhausting life and for the most part to have some private restrictive time with the mountains. Mountains have given more than have taken from me. Here are my five life exercises or the 5 things I gained from my trekking encounters –

1. You will fail in the event that you don't attempt. You could possibly fizzle on the off chance that you didn't attempt

I have been a peruser and voyager since youth and was consequently drawn towards mountains and their magnificence. As a rule perusing a few experience arrangements and travel books made me wonder in the event that I could likewise set out on such adventures! What might it resemble stepping troublesome ways like these stunning men did? I used to disparage myself supposing I can never scale such statures till I decided one day to give it a shot and there hasn't been any ceasing from that point forward.

My first trek to Sandakphu and Phalut was strenuous as well as excruciating. My body did not expect hardships that I all of a sudden flung on it nor was I rationally arranged to climb to an ever increasing extent. In any case, more I trekked along, propelled myself ahead, disregarding the torments and disorder, the simpler it advanced for me to stroll beyond. I gradually started to see things diversely past the hardships and inconveniences that nature gave to me. I began to watch more, believe more and see the magnificence of things around. That was the first occasion when I understood what number of different things I could do if just I attempted.

There is no reason for giving the dread of disappointment a chance to keep you away from accomplishing something you need to do or equipped for doing. Simply begin with wandering out, perceive how far you get, improve your capacities and continue onward!

2. Ascend above yourself, there is a greater world ahead that anticipates you

We are so engaged in our very own reality, with our own little issues that we have lost all our ability to look past ourselves. It's just when we are presented to unpleasant territories wherein we are cut off from human progress and see nearby clans with absolute minimum necessities to live on, yet never griping and living in concordance and complete accommodation with nature, that we wonder whether the Glass is half full or half unfilled?

Mountain life is dull and troublesome. Slope individuals live in wooden houses with essential pleasantries and in territories that are constantly inclined to regular catastrophes, bear enormous chilly climate, stroll for miles to get water or woods from the timberlands. Children with split red cheeks that hurt constantly, regularly stroll for quite a long time to go to class yet you will consistently discover local people affable with what small amount they have, regularly grinning at you when met enroute. Once in a while they loan some assistance or simply pass a good karma grin and proceed onward.

Interestingly, we the urban city life tenants in every case carry on with an actual existence of strain and stress – we have credits to reimburse, our compensations are in every case excessively less, friends and family who never respond, we cherish sustenances which we can't allow as we have the developing stoutness issues leaking in to our lives. We are always put under the scanner of society with individuals dissecting our each progression. In any case, in the event that you figure out how to break free of this jumbled city life now and again you will go over individuals who care, and who bond with outsiders with no elevated requirements.

3. Live with agony. There is no outer power that revives you, it is all inside!

Trekking isn't in every case just astonishing scenes and verdant spaces with spouting streams and icy masses, it is likewise about moving out of your usual ranges of familiarity, propelling yourself hard, past your ordinary points of confinement. It's practically similar to a large portion of a fight brimming with wounds. However these injuries are an indication of development. They show that you have propelled yourself and are fit for attempting to accomplish something.

Because of the hardships persevered through, your body causes you in recovering back together to make you more grounded. It resembles you tell your body what you need with the goal that the body sets you up for it by making you sturdier. That is the reason it is better in the event that you grasp the injuries, the wounds, the torments and the distresses and know without a doubt that next time you make an endeavor you will definitely turn out more grounded and more joyful!

4. Quit being basic; acknowledge and let things be to be cheerful!

As a rule in our lives, we intentionally or unwittingly become judgmental or disparaging of things around us without understanding that analysis just disillusions us and spreads antagonism. So when you are in high heights you are left with no decision however to acknowledge nature as it. You can't scrutinize nature for how she is and the encounters she has available for you. You figure out how to live with what you get, what is accessible and shockingly you live more joyful while on the mountains.

The facts confirm that shortage now and again is a gift. I accept that simply like in the mountains, there are pinnacles and crevasses in our own lives also, which we have to ascend or left. Consistently isn't Christmas and regular isn't stormy either. So we got the opportunity to take the path of least resistance and be tolerating of what we have!

5. Significance of water

We are instructed from our adolescence through different sources how it is imperative to spare water however we never pay much regard to it.

I never really felt or understood the requirement for it until I began trekking. Water, while on trek is of most extreme significance. Each time you fashion higher up in the mountains, all you have to continue onward, to acquire additional vitality, to keep up your mental stability and maintain a strategic distance from high elevation affliction, is water.

In a perfect world you pay special mind to a water source around the spot where tents are pitched for night remains. To prepare your nourishment and to get by in the outside you need water. It is one thing which isn't in every case promptly accessible out in the mountains and woodlands. Despite the fact that you are strolling on day off can see frigid mountain tops surrounding you, while on trek your container of water turns into the most significant belonging for survival. It is genuine we generally figure out how to esteem things in their nonappearance.

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gohyuck · 6 years

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into it - m.l.

some of the lowest parts of your senior year with mark, and one of the highest

warnings, a/n, etc. under the cut <3

wc: 6.3k

warnings: school, misuse of prescription medicine, windrawal, angst (dw it ends fairly happy i would say), uhhh some smutty themes. maybe. there’s no actual smut in this it just gets close ig

a/n: this is literally just me projecting onto mark mixed with some other stories from other competitive schools from around me - if anyone wants to talk about how shitty school is with me they’re free too! i’m a slave to gpa. yeet. i think i might’ve projected onto the reader too please don’t @ me...

description should’ve been “in which mark is the author and the reader is the author and the author is barely a person”

idk this fic seems kinda pointless but . anyways

anyways enjoy <3

song: into it - chase atlantic

Yeah I've been catching planes for the fun of it Then I'll be watching fame turn to punishment The weather's only sunny when I'm under it And I haven't really changed, yeah I'm just confident

33 school days until Graduation

Living fire begets cold, impotent ash.

Mark can’t help but reread the line once. Twice. Thrice.

He’s studying to distract himself. That, and he’s studying because he needs to, but mostly, it’s a distraction.

From what?

He’s trying not to think about it.

A small part of Mark wonders why he’s rereading Things Fall Apart. While it’s definitely one of the better school-assigned books he’s been forced to dissect - Chinua Achebe knows how to make a point - its attractiveness diminishes every time he opens it again to page one.

The first time he’d read it, Mark had been captivated without his special little boost. The main character, while terrible, was too relatable - Mark isn’t a fan of failure, either.

The second time was to study for the 60 question test on the novel. It was less interesting this time around, but Mark still diligently annotated it, spending three days with his eyes glued to the page and fingers cramping around his lucky pencil. Every time he closed his eyes, Achebe’s land of Umuofia appeared. It was there when he opened his eyes, too.

The third time was to find evidence to use in his analysis essay on what type of hero Okonkwo is. At this point, all that Mark was sure of was that Okonkwo sure as hell wasn’t his hero. Still, Mark typed until his fingers felt raw.

The 97 scrawled across the top of his printed copy, returned a week later with a slightly smeared red smiley face alongside it, had made it worth it. The knowledge his teacher disclosed to him after class while gushing over his word choice - that nobody in the grade had scored higher than him - doubled his (short-lived) satisfaction.

Now, Mark’s eyes are laser-focused on the novel in front of him. Their teacher had mentioned in passing that there would be a couple of questions pulled from the book on the last test of the marking period, and he can’t afford to miss anything on the test. He’s got a 98 in the class, and the idea of it dropping makes him squirm.

It’s nearing 3 am, and he’s desperately wishing that he’d opted to stay at home and study rather than go skateboarding with Jeno and Jisung right after school. He chides himself on not considering the opportunity cost (God, he’s even thinking in economics now. Economics. Fuck.) before going out. Reaping rewards before sowing them has never worked before - there’s no reason it would’ve today, either.

There are about four bags of Cheez-Its, a half gallon of water, and 20 milligrams of Adderall lying at the bottom of his stomach. He’s kind of hungry, but he can’t be made to give two shits. Mark tells himself that he can eat later. He hasn’t had dinner yet. It’ll be a reward for finishing the book.

Mark’s phone buzzes. Once. Twice. Thrice. He pays it no mind. He’s getting nearer and nearer to the end of the novel, and once he finishes he can let himself go for the night. Calculus is done, as well as French, Physics, and Economics (fucking Economics). There’s nothing in his other classes. He’s got swim practice after school, but there’s no way for him to prepare for that. At least - he hasn’t found one yet.

I'm just fucking lucky I was born with it A hundred million people couldn't deal with this I've been tryna grow cause people kill for it This mental pressure got me popping pills and shit

“Have you considered sleeping early and waking up early to study?”

You don’t answer with a hello when he calls you back - you never have and never will. It’s 4:14 in the morning and you know that Mark’s calling you back now because he’s finished everything. There’s probably Adderall still in his system and a crease in his forehead from worrying that it still isn’t enough studying or time devoted.

“Good morning to you, too.” Mark’s voice is low, lower than usual. It’s the lack off sleep, you know this. You shouldn’t find the huskiness in it attractive, but you do. It’s one of the less fucked up side-effects of the stress both him and you put yourselves through.

“Would be if I wasn’t up at ass o’clock in the morning.”

“Hey - be proud of me. At least I have it in me to work hard like this. The way we’re both going, if we don’t die before college, we can get full rides to the fucking Ivies and end up some crazy millionaire couple on the front of Time magazine. Making 40 million before 40.”

“I love it when you maladaptive daydream to me, babe. Really gets me going.”

Mark chuckles at this, and you hear a rustling sound in the background on his end. He’s putting all of his things into his backpack for tomorrow, you guess. You’re right.

“And I am proud of you.” You continue, knowing that he’s listening, probably with his phone tucked between his shoulder and ear as he tidies up his desk. He can’t put you on speaker - both of you shudder to think what will happen if either of your parents find out that you’re up at dawn, talking to the significant other neither of you are allowed to have. They think you’re both just best friends - two kids too wrapped up in school to have the time to date, anyways. “But, I think you’re nuts. I think I’m nuts. You’re worse, but... anyways. I’m proud of you, but you never call me back this late. It’s usually a “ttyl” text, or some shit. What’s wrong?”

The line goes silent. He’s stopped moving altogether on his end.

He sighs. It’s heavy, and kind of empty, and you immediately know that he’s already cried this out. You wait.

This is what he’d been trying to distract himself from with Things Fall Apart.

“My rank dropped.”

On impulse, you wince in response. The first semester ranks your school had given out not a week earlier are your and Mark’s second to last ranks as seniors - there’s only one semester left to redeem yourself if you fuck up. Even though college applications have been submitted for months and acceptances are about to start coming out, you know that falling still aches.

Top 10% of your class get recognized. Top 10 get special honors and get to walk first. Valedictorian and Salutatorian get to give speeches, five minute pieces that will be forgotten by everyone but them the next day. You’ll all be free for three months before starting the best and worst years of your lives.

Graduation day is the focus now, as it has been since the first day of ninth grade. You’ve managed to stay well within the top 5%, to your own merit, but Mark’s always been in the top 10 - with walking honors.

At least, up until last week.

He’d been 10th at the end of Sophomore year, and now, apparently, he isn’t.

You can’t begin to imagine how he feels.

“How much?”

“Two. My GPA went up a wholeass .1, though.” He’s looking for the bright side by himself, now. It’s progress from last year. A part of you is glad. The other half of your heart aches.

Before you can convey this, or even begin to formulate a response, Mark continues speaking. “I’ve been trying to remind myself that other people would kill to be 12th.” He inhales sharply. “Fuck.”

“And you’d kill to not. You’re killing yourself to not.”

“I -”

“Mark.”

“I’m fine, baby.” His petname sounds forced, as if he can’t believe his own words. “I’m lucky, I have a good memory. You know this. I don’t work myself nearly as hard as you think I do, or as I should be.”

“So you don’t pop pills all the damn time so you can study a week’s worth of material in a night?”

Your voice is tight - you’re no stranger to work and overwork, but Mark is on another plane. It feels like he’s so far gone, sometimes, that you can’t touch him. He’s on the other end of the line, but he’s a million miles away.

He lets a puff of air pass through his lips. Seconds tick by.

Mark breaks the silence.

“It’s getting late. We have class in a few hours. I’ll pick you up at 8?”

You blink. Your anger at him, at the system, and, for almost no reason you yourself can discern, at yourself, wanes just slightly. It really is late - early - and, as if your body realizes this only after Mark says it, you yawn. Mark hears it clearly, letting a small smile grace his features for a split second because of it.

“Night.” It’s short and sweet, but he’s always been able to tell how much you love him. At this point, it doesn’t matter how much or how little you say.

“Night.” His response is just as succinct. “Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

He called, so he hangs up - it’s been your system since the eighth grade. It’s worked surprisingly well for four years.

You wish everything was as easy as who gets to hang up.

After plugging your phone into its charger and turning into your blanket, you stifle another yawn. Before sleep finds you, you can’t help but whisper it into existence, your words muttered into your pillow for whatever higher power finds them-

Let him Be. He deserves it. Let him Be. He works so, so fucking hard. Let him Be.

Your thoughts are muddled, but that’s because it’s nearing 4:45 in the morning. You aren’t even entirely sure of what you’re saying. For what feels like the millionth time, you wonder how you’ll be able to get up in time for school within 3 hours. You wonder how Mark will do it. A part of you hopes that he forgets to set his alarm and gets the sleep he so desperately needs and deserves.

He’s leaning against his car, scrolling through something on his phone when you open your door. You don’t bother checking the time. It’s about 7:54. You’d checked your grades about five minutes ago at 7:48. You’re wearing his favorite sweatshirt - the blue swim team one that’s too small on him and too big on you (it’s his damn shoulders, and that’s the only reason why). He appreciates your outfit, checking to make sure that your parents aren’t outside and leaning across the center console to slip his cold hands under the sweatshirt while finding your lips with his own to show you the extent of this appreciation.

It isn’t until you pull away from him to see that it’s 8:02 that he shifts to Drive, though not before sending you a smirk while buckling his seat-belt and checking his mirrors.

You check your calendar.

32 school days ‘til Graduation.

But I'm into it, I'm into it Say she wanna fuck me later Girl I'm into it, I'm into it, I'm into it This mental pressure got me popping pills and shit But I'm into it, I'm into it

25 school days until Graduation

You see it as a well-deserved break. You aren’t quite sure what Mark thinks. A distraction? You hope not. You’re more than just a distraction. You should be, at least.

There’s not much time to mull this unpleasant thought over, though, as he teasingly nips at the sensitive skin of your inner thigh. One of your hands flies to his hair, while the other keeps you sitting up in his bed while you’re still leaning back. One of his hands is on your thigh, while the other is splayed across your stomach, hiking your camisole up. His shirt is off - it has been for a while. There’s hickeys dotting his collarbone.

If your mind was working, you’d be admiring your handiwork.

“Your underwear’s still on,” He moves back slightly so his eyes meet yours, your fingers still entangled in strands of dark brown hair. His lips are red from kissing you earlier. You know for sure that your pupils are blown as wide as his are. “Can I change that?” Mark’s fingers are running over the elastic waistband that separates him from your skin.

You blink. You swallow.

A voice in the back of your mind begs you to say yes, begs you to guide his head back to where you want his mouth. You haven’t fucked him in weeks, it whispers. If you don’t now, it’ll be even longer.

“Mark,” His name comes out as more of a whine that you expect. He dips his head down, pressing a chaste kiss on your knee.

“Hm?”

You’re this close - this close - to begging him. You can practically feel him on top of you - inside you - already.

Until, of course, your logic prevails.

“Mark,” You say his name again, without the rawness this time. His gaze bores into yours, awaiting your response.

“Calc.”

Mark stays on his knees for a moment, and in that moment he seems hesitant to move. That’s dangerous - if he stays down any longer, you’ll beg him to continue.

Thankfully, he presses one last, reverent kiss over your underwear before pushing himself up off of the floor. You’re still holding your breath.

“I can’t believe I just got cock-blocked by math.” He grins at you, not perturbed. Mark’s nothing if not respectful. He tosses you your shorts before beckoning you back over to the floor beside his desk.

Mark sits down, cross-legged, in front of you, but not before handing you your math notebook and grabbing his own. Your calculus textbook goes between the two of you.

“We can rain check.” You say. He quirks an eyebrow.

It’s hot. He’s hot.

You imperceptibly shake your head - you’re still flustered, and would give anything to be underneath your boyfriend. The only reason you aren’t is because your math grade depends on you acing tomorrow’s calculus test.

“Come again?” Mark knows what you said - his teasing ass just wants to hear it again. You know what he wants to hear.

“I want you to fuck me later.” You look him in the eyes, pleased to see a hint of a blush. Sometimes you miss the early stages of your relationship - where Mark had been constantly tripping over his own feet and as red as a fire hydrant. You’d been the smoother one, then.

One corner of Mark’s mouth turns up, and he leans over the textbook to give you a short kiss.

“I’m into that.”

I'm getting way too deep I'm fucking into it I'm into it, yeah I'm into it I wouldn't change it for the world I'm fucking into it

He pulls a pill bottle from a box he keeps in the bottom right drawer of his desk. It’s where he stores everything important to him - polaroids of him and you together, his calendar, the swim team schedule and his list of swim times, his phone charger, his planner... and his Adderall.

Mark takes his typical dosage into the palm of his hand, swallowing the pills dry. He moves to put the pill bottle back. It’ll be some time before it kicks in, but the rest of the day is ahead of both of you.

He always takes some before studying, but never asks you to. It’s not something he wants for you. You’ve never asked, too - it’s not something you want for yourself.

Your tongue feels like sandpaper, though, and every breath you take makes it feel as if there’s more lead in your lungs than air. Your math grade flashes through your mind. You need to ace the test for your grade and, by extension, your sanity.

“Babe.” Without being fully aware of yourself, you place your hand on top of his. Neither of you will move from the floor in...hours. You’re sure of this. You may as well make the absolute most of it.

“Give me some.”

I’ve been on the road since I was sixteen They don’t really notice I how I see things These girls they come and go between my bedsheets And I’ve been doing blue and causing big scenes, yeah

17 school days until Graduation

"Remember when we were sixteen?”

“Like... last year? Yeah.”

You turn over onto your side to face your boyfriend, only to find your nose in his bare chest. Mark chuckles. He moves back, allowing you to shift so that you’re face to face with him.

“Fifteen and sixteen, at least. For sophomore year. Do you remember any of sophomore year?”

“Less depression.” His hard words come out soft, paired with an even softer smile. Mark wraps an arm around your waist, pulling your body into his. Skin on skin. “Less getting laid, too.”

“Shut up,” You’re smiling now, too. The melancholy presses against your thoughts.

“I was talking about the less depression part, actually.”

“What about it?” Mark seems and sounds slightly antsier, all of a sudden.

As he always does when you bring up things he might not want to hear.

“Nothing big, just like... don’t you miss it? Going out sometimes and actually feeling like highschoolers?”

“We went to libraries, babe, and to the mall like every couple of months. It wasn’t anything special.”

“It was easier, though.” You bury your face in the crook of his neck, breathing in. His skin is warm - you aren’t surprised. “No drugs and shit.”

Mark pulls away from you, very, very slightly.

“Adderall isn’t a drug.” His voice is adamant. The speed of his switch from soft to rough is almost alarming. “You’ve had it once. You aren’t addicted.”

You sigh, choosing not to respond. You’re too fucked out to fight him. Instead, you run the pads of your fingers over his collarbone.

“No, but I’m addicted to you.”

Pull up and I’m higher than the big trees, yeah She don’t really like it but she needs me, yeah She saying she don’t really miss me But fuck it, now I’m faded after all things, yeah

12 school days until Graduation

“I can’t fucking believe you.”

He pauses his notes to look up at you, taking in how your eyes are flashing. Your voice is controlled, but the fire in your eyes is unrivaled. The pill bottle is on its side - empty. The last time you’d seen it, which had been the last time you’d thought you’d ever see it, there had been one dosage left. A dosage that you’d been led to believe had ended up being flushed.

You aren’t mad that he lied - at least, you think you aren’t. You’re mad that he, for the first time in years, broke a promise.

Mark is unbothered by your tone. You’ll calm down eventually - whether its sooner or later makes no difference to him. Your boyfriend isn’t actually hearing you, anyways. It’s another reason as to why he isn’t really responding. His silence isn’t an invitation for you to continue, but it’s something nonetheless.

You take it.

“Ranks came out three days ago. You’re back in the top 10, Mark. You’re graduating in the top 10. We’re about to graduate, and you’re spending your time still fucking studying even when there’s only two weeks left of our senior year. You’re still on those goddamn pills when you promised me-”

“Just because I reached one goal doesn’t mean that everything else doesn’t matter anymore.” Short. You expected nothing else.

“What’s everything else? What else is more important than your health? School? We’re pretty much done for three months. We don’t even have any fucking grades left to go in the grade book. We’re done, Mark. Senior year is over.”

He doesn’t respond for a beat of silence - two, three, four beats - fully focused on whatever is in front of him. It isn’t until you cease your pacing to stand directly behind him, hands on the back of his chair, that he even considers gracing you with a comment.

“I’m looking over my times, trying to make a better workout regime so I can shed milliseconds.” Mark is straight with his words - he wants you to stop talking so he can politely ignore you. His shoulders are hunched into himself, his glasses digging into the bridge of his nose. The way he’s staring at the slightly crumpled time sheet in front of him makes you wonder if it’s possible to re-kill dead trees.

“Your times are your lock screen.”

“So?”

“So- so? You always have them with you and you’re always looking at them, you don’t need Adderall to work on a workout schedule. You don’t need it at all, if I’m being fucking honest, and-”

He cuts you off for the second time in less than five minutes, his voice as sharp as a knife.

“You have no damn clue what I need.”

Your hands release his chair on reflex as you step back, everything about your body screaming that you’re offended. Mark pays this no heed, turning back to his desk.

It’s just one sentence, eight words, and part of you wants to argue. Part of you wants to bring up all of the times he’s leaned on you, the times you yourself have been exactly what he needs, but you know that that wouldn’t be playing fair.

He’s gotten like this before, where he’s frozen everyone - frozen you - out without not so much as a thought. You’ve fought before, too, out of inevitability.

He’s never, however, been so blatant or blunt. Nothing he’s ever said before has hurt this much, for some reason. It’s jarring, and, before you know it, your throat is heavy. There are no tears pooling, but you know that they’ll come to you later.

Without a word, you pick up your belongings. You’d worn one of his sweatshirts to his house, but opt to go home without it.

Being petty can be subtle, after all. Mark deserves it, you think, anyways.

You call a goodbye to his mother as you walk out the front door to your car. You make it to the end of his street before having to pull over and park, resting your forehead against the top of the steering wheel. A stray tear finds itself tracing a wellworn track down your face, leaving you to sigh.

God, crying over a boy? Pathetic.

Your intrusive thoughts are screaming - laughing, hysterically, at your state. You dismiss them, willing yourself to think straight.

Not just a boy, I’m crying over Mark.

Sniffling, you beg yourself to get it together. Staying still can only lead to reminiscing over elementary school Mark, who promised you that he’d never leave your side (after, of course, you accidentally eating a worm and bursting into tears out of a fear of dying from it), to 8th grade Mark confessing his feelings for you in PE, moments before getting hit in the face by a particularly well-thrown dodgeball from Yukhei. Mark is as much a boyfriend as he is and almost always has been the most comforting and reliable presence in your life. With him so firmly, without a second thought, dismissing you...

You breathe in. Sharply.

It’s either drive home to avoid the reality of how much of a stronghold Mark has over your feelings or stay parked and traipse down memory lane, like, as you remind yourself, a goddamn pansy. A voice of reason tells yourself not to be harsh on yourself - you’ve known Mark for what? 12? 13? years and it’s normal to be hurt by him brushing you aside. A louder voice tells you to quit pitying yourself.

If Mark hurts himself mentally, you hurt yourself emotionally.

Blinking away forming tears, you sit back and turn the ignition.

5:53 pm

mark...us zusak

>>did you get home safely

maybe<<

>>im glad

cool<<

6:12 pm

>>picking you up tmrw?

sure<<

>>ok

>>i’m really sorry

read 7:09 pm

But I’m into it, I’m into it Say she wanna fuck me later Girl I’m into it, I’m into it, I’m into it This mental pressure got me popping pills and shit

5 days until Graduation

You have to give him credit - after a somewhat teary but controlled argument in his car on the way to school, focused on why Mark really doesn’t need Adderall in his life, and on why he really doesn’t need to carry it with him to college, he really has tried giving it up. All seemed to be going well, even, for a couple of days.

You hadn’t realized how fast withdrawal would hit him.

It isn’t as if either of you are wholly unprepared - you’ve both seen it happen to others. Adderall withdrawal can be dangerous, heightening both depression and anxiety. Even a slight dip in Mark’s mood has the inside of your mouth drying up.

You can’t imagine what it feels like for him.

After all, neither of you are strangers to mental illness, but withdrawal is somewhere you can’t say you’ve been.

Currently, Mark’s tongue is down your throat. The back of your mind screams at you that this is his way of dealing with withdrawal - by getting himself addicted to you. You know that this is the truth - that whatever he’s doing can end up being unhealthy for him - but you don’t have it in you to deny him as his fingers dip beneath the waistband of your jeans and his other hand makes its way under your shirt and bra.

You can’t help the moans that escape you.

The pads of his fingers are rough against the skin of your back as he unclasps your bra, pulling it off of you along with your shirt. In the same arc, you hastily pull his shirt over his head, unzipping his jeans not long after.

It isn’t until you’re splayed out on your bed, eyes already fucked out before he’s even touched you, that Mark breathily asks if you’re sure. As he always does.

A part of you wants to deny him - for his own good, you tell yourself. Maybe for your own. (Is it possible to get addicted to a person when you aren’t running away from something else?)

The other, larger part of you wants you to pull his head to yours - his lips to yours - by his neck with one hand, taking the condom out of his grip with the other and telling him that you can put it on him yourself. The other, larger part of you wants Mark everywhere, engraved into your skin and lingering on your body.

The other, larger part of you wants - needs - to say yes.

Majority rules.

But I’m into it, I’m into it I’m getting way too deep I’m fucking into it I’m into it, yeah I’m into it I wouldn’t change it for the world I’m fucking into it

12 hours until Graduation

You find your head against Mark’s shoulder as the two of you recline on the patio’s couch, watching the two of your families interact your joint graduation party. There’ll be a bigger celebration after tomorrow’s ceremony with a bigger crowd, so you cherish the small gathering in your backyard for tonight. Graduation is tomorrow - it almost feels too damn good to be true. The stars are all out, fairy lights have been strung overhead to add to the festivities, there’s laughter rising up from every direction, Mark’s arm is welcome around your shoulders, and you find yourself thinking that you could get used to this.

“You know, I’m glad that we’re going to college together.”

Mark’s voice brings you out of your thoughts, causing you to look up at him - albeit slightly sideways. You nod, unsure of what to say in response. You’re in agreement with him, of course - even though you’ve both had your ups and downs, a life without as much Mark in it as now is one that you don’t want to imagine.

He’s been such a constant presence for so long that you’re almost incapable of remembering a time without him. The thought scares you as much as it fills you with love.

Wow.

You really are starting another chapter in your life. In your lives.

A fresh start - Mark’s still going through withdrawal, and you’re well aware, and just because your high school education is over doesn’t mean that life is automatically easier, now. Still - the next three months and four years after that are something to look forward to, not fear.

You aren’t sure how to voice all of this just yet, opting instead to repeat your awe at high school having ended.

“High school’s really all over, now. We never have to step back in that building again.”

Mark chuckles at your revelation, running his fingers through your hair absentmindedly.

“What about reunions?”

You roll your eyes at this, resting a hand on his chest momentarily before remembering that your parents aren’t aware of your relationship. Wriggling out of Mark’s grasp before inclining your head towards all four parents, you remain within a comfortable distance to him. He radiates warmth.

“I’ll only go to them if you and our other friends do. Maybe.”

Mark grins. “Maybe I’ll drag you to them.”

“You wouldn’t.”

He smiles. “I wouldn’t. You’re all I need, anyways.”

“Hyuck? Renjun? Yeri? Jeno?”

“...You’re the one I need the most.”

“Glad to know that you’re an honest man, Mark Lee.” Your teasing tone makes your boyfriend laugh, and you’re hyperaware of how you could get used to this - smiley, lighthearted Mark.

“Your roommate’s going to have fun with you.” He responds, nudging your shoulder with his.

“Hey! I’m not the only one who’s a handful. Lucas? That’s your soon-to-be roommate’s name, right? Lucas has his work cut out for him. For his sake I hope you spend time outside of your dorm room.”

Mark grins as he presses his lips to your temple, simultaneously making sure that everyone else’s attention is elsewhere. He moves away as quickly as he’d kissed you, much to your mental chagrin.

“What? You worried that I’ll leave you for him?”

It’s your turn to nudge your boyfriend. Before you can respond, Mark’s mother’s voice cuts through the air.

“Mark? (Name)? It’s time for the cake!”

Mark gets up first, reaching his hand out to pull you up.

“We’re coming!” You call, before turning to Mark with a half-grin on your face. “This isn’t over yet.”

Mark squeezes your hand before letting go of it.

“Can’t be over if you never started it.”

“Mark Lee!”

Girl I’m into it, I’m into it Say she wanna fuck me later Girl I’m into it I am into it, I am into it

conGRADs, Mark and (Name)!

The sign is both massive and incredibly cheesy, but the amount of happiness it gives you is immeasurable. It hangs over Mark’s front porch, visible from the other end of the street, and as you and Mark pass by them, any neighbors that are out make sure to congratulate you.

You aren’t sure whether to laugh or cry.

The two of you’d escaped the clutches of your overexcited parents a little bit over an hour prior, around 11, under the guise of taking a walk around the neighborhood to talk about your upcoming collegiate futures. That was how you’d ended the night, of course, but before that you’d both beelined to your house, wanting to sit and talk in your bedroom for the time being.

Discussion of your coming lives had sputtered out after a while - after all, it’s all you’d both been talking about for years, now - and you’d wound up situated in Mark’s lap, laughing against his lips.

“We should have graduation night sex.”

His tone is matter-of-fact, so much so that you roll your eyes at his bluntness. “We’re going to have to get back eventually.”

“We have time!”

His laugh against your collarbone is enough to tell you that nothing’ll happen tonight, that time together will just be time together. Still, you can’t help but respond.

“Yeah, time enough at college. We’ll be out of the house in 3 months, baby.”

Mark wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you impossibly closer, pressing a chaste kiss to the junction of your jaw and neck. It tickles.

“We won’t have to sneak around and shit, either.” You continue, lightly running your hand through his hair.

“We didn’t sneak around much this year, anyways. Our parents are just oblivious as fuck.”

“True-” You feel your phone vibrate, causing you to squirm around to reach it for a moment before Mark pulls it from your back pocket and hands it to you, mirth in his eyes. You scrunch up your nose at him before answering - its your mom.

“Where are you?” She sounds slightly worried, so you’re quick to mention that you’re with Mark and near your house, both safe and sound.

“Come back quickly - Mark’s cousins are planning on sleeping soon because they start their four hour drive back at 6 in the morning, and we don’t want them to miss their chance to say good night to him.”

You reply with a quick “I’ll tell him - love you.” before she hangs up. Sliding off of Mark’s lap, you help him up.

“Did you hear what she said, or?”

“Yeah. Your call volume’s always been too loud.”

“I, for one, like to think that it’s just loud enough, thanks.”

Mark grins, choosing to loop an arm around your waist instead of replying.

The moment the two of you step inside, careful not to stand too close to each other, you’re bombarded by exclaims from family and friends and family friends alike. It’s getting late, and people are starting to gather up their belongings. You yourself are staying the night, however - otherwise, Mrs. Lee would riot.

You don’t mind.

You close the front door behind you, being pulled into the group of people the moment that you do.

As Mark is dragged into the ending remarks of a conversation with his aunts about something that you can’t quite hear, your mother’s friend’s young daughter tugs you down to her level to congratulate you, shyly placing a pipe-cleaner flower - clearly made by her - behind your ear.

You kiss her cheek before she runs away out of shyness, far quicker than you expect her to be able to. Laughing, you stand up, only to be pulled into a discussion about your plans for college with your parents and one of your uncles.

You briefly make eye contact with Mark - who’s also been given a pipe-cleaner flower - once, winking at him discreetly before turning back to nod along to your uncle’s rant over how you shouldn’t push your passions under the rug for your profession. You don’t see your boyfriend make his way through the throng of people gathered in his foyer - most have started filtering out, leaving by foot or by car - until you feel his hand against the small of your back for a quick moment.

He shakes your father’s hand and hugs your mother before introducing himself to your uncle, who knows of him but doesn’t know him. Time passes quicker with Mark by your side, and, before you know it, it’s 2 am and the only people left in Mark’s how are both of your direct families and your uncle, who’s staying at your house for the night.

“You have everything? Toothbrush? Pajamas?”

You sigh, looking pointedly at your father.

“I’m a college student!”

“Doesn’t mean that you’re responsible.”

You and your dad grin together before you shake your head. Both of your parents and your uncle bid you and the Lees goodnight before Mark’s parents follow them outside, probably to continue talking for a little bit more.

Mark closes the door behind them, turning to you immediately after only to find that you’re already halfway upstairs. He shakes his head affectionately before following you up to his room.

“(Name), you did remember a toothbrush, right?”

“Yeah, but I forgot clothes.”

“I guess you’ll just have to sleep naked - ow!” Mark rubs the skin on his arm where you’d lightly smacked him. It doesn’t erase the playful grin from his face. “Fuck you, fine. You can borrow some pajamas, or something.”

You laugh as you flop down onto his bed before humming inquisitively to yourself for a moment over a question you’ve been mulling over in your head for a short while. You know that summer’s just started, but you can’t help but wonder how it’ll go.

“What’s your plan for this summer? Other than getting ready for our courses and stuff.”

Mark furrows his brows at this while he strips, changing into shorts and a shirt before throwing you one of his longest shirts. You change as well, folding your clothes neatly and placing them on his desk chair to take home tomorrow.

“I haven’t thought about it, honestly. Why?” Mark turns off the hallway lights and opens his door halfway - a rule his parents have for his bedroom door whenever you sleep over. It’s fair, you suppose, even if they don’t know that you’re together. Maybe it’s especially because they don’t know that you’re together.

Mark turns off the light after laying his sleeping bag down on the floor, giving you the bed as always.

Tomorrow, you’ll wake up on the floor next to him, also as always.

“I was thinking...”

“Yeah?”

You turn on your side to face your boyfriend in the dark.

“I was thinking that we could take a road trip.”

A long silence follows your statement, and you begin thinking that you’ve made a mistake asking until, in the dark, you can see the faint outline of Mark’s smile.

“I’m free all summer, babe. Just tell me where and when.”

“For real?”

The excitement in your voice is almost tangible, and you’re half embarrassed at how childish you must sound. Mark, to his merit, just nods while smiling.

He looks up at you, and, even in the dark, you can see the softness in his eyes.

“Yeah,” He pauses, grinning at you.

“I’m into it.”

fin... for now?

im shit at endings but also this has been like...a month coming...i’m gonna come back and rewrite this someday but yeet enjoy.... i should’ve reread before posting but w/e

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themanicgalaxy · 3 years

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SPN 4X13 After School Special

This....seems interesting

CW writers have you talked to a SINGLE TEENAGER no one TALKS LIKE THIS

this gives me like...will turn into Carrie vibes

wow very Nice People all around

what...theFUCK

great so we have Teenager A kill...teenager B over...fatphobic comment

something about this feels a bit weird, I just don't know what exactly

so she was...possessed ok

Sam the Nice Orderly is HILARIOUS

oo the slow pan/hold with "are you crazy" hmmm

lmao they used to go to the school

for like a month but still

"long way from home" plays

oh but it matches Teen Vibe wait i like this

BABY SAM AND DEAN

BABY DEAN WITH THE OVERSIZED LEATHER JACKET

DEAN USED TO BE SO TALL AHAHAHA

TALL AND LANKY SENIOR DEAN AHAHAHAAHAAAAAA

Dean plays Truant Rogue and Sam

SAM STARES DOWN THE BULLY WITH THE "I'VE SEEN DEMONS" STARE OH MY G O D THESE KIDS MUST HAVE BEEN TERRIFYING

GYM TEACHER DEAN ABAAHAHAHAA

Look I know Dean yeeting a dodgeball directly into some poor kid's chest should NOT be funny bUT IT IS

oh my GOD THE FUCKING SHOVE FIST INTO A BLENDER THAT'S SO FUCKED

hey why is it always the nerds

ooo ghost possession

why add the thing about the cheerleaders? why pan on his face being awkward? ARE WE MEANT TO AGREE WITH THIS BEHAVIOR OR NOT

does...does Dean accidentally get CPS called on them

no someone please call someone, this situation is ENTIRELY FUCKED, you KNOW IT IS

aw Sam has to salt and burn the guy he tried to stand up for in high school :(

how the fuck did they get the coroner's report

boy they sure are cryptic about this

they'RE SO SMALL

aw their dad just...left them their for another week

and even back then, Sam wanted to just be normal, "freak" came up

fAmilY BusIneSS

at least he doesn't be stupid and says it to the teacher to his face

"you make the choices" in the context of "your entire life is preordained"...hurts

ooo the pan to him and young him and him again

and the hair thing awww

Dean Alcohol is not a good coping mechanism

the girl saying "sam" was...disconcerting

and aww Dean being protective again

...Dean just referenced Heathers...Dean just

I don't think he's straight. Like really, I don't think-

here ghosty ghosty ghosty heheh

"did you know everyone at this school" ah cuz he's the protagonist boi

seriously with a name like Winchester they were bound to be bullied

Sam fucking OWNING that kid cuz he can fight...awesome

...oh god they...they fucked him up because of Sam's...fight...oh no

keeping the remains of the kid in the bible feels like Something, you know?

"I'm like 21 jump street" and no one got that reference aw

Sam's the bully in his story OOF

"we were scared and miserable and took it out on each other but it gets better" oof

Dean why do you feel the need to say "this isn't what it looks like" when he's LITERALLY UNCONSCIOUS

Dean what the Fuck

ah he self-sabotaged On Purpose

and he desperately wants to be the Hero nooo

so Sam ends up being the Cool One and Dean isn't

aw he meets the teacher again

"you wrote that horror story" no sir that's my life

Sam accidentally oversharing is Cute actually

"you took an interest in me when no one else did " O W

"are you happy" "sir I can't answer that without making us both sad"

I...look analysis is probably gonna take a lot out of me so here:

1. That look into what their lives were like when they were kids was...ow. Like Dean clearly cared about Sam(and I think cared more than he wanted to/wanted to show) so he put on a persona that got unraveled by the end. Sam, with no persona, got to be protagonist boi. Like Dean was popular because he really really tried, Sam was popular because he didn't. Sam wanted to be normal, Dean didn't want to be hurt, or think about his feelings

....this got me thinking about Stanford Era Dean godDAMMIT

2. That fucking scene in the gym class was HILARIOUS

3. that needle drop? good? appropriate?

4. The Smol them really fit the big them

5. Dean getting the same Protective because of what Dirk did then and now was adorable(and sidetone buddy, ur "coolguy" persona doesn't work with the "obviously wants to protect and take care of little brother, you're playing a role that's not you and you got called out"

6. Sam being the other guy's bully(even without intending to) is very interesting and I wish they actually dissected the morality of that, at least a little bit

I get he's Protagonist Boy but he wasn't entirely in the right here(no he wasn't in the wrong either, Dirk WAS a bully, and just cuz he had a tragic backstory doesn't make it ok. I think more Sam didn't think about the consequences his actions might have"

7. the lock of hair in the bible feels important to me, but I don't know why

yeet

#pawswatchesspn #4x13 after school special #actual genuine laughs+a nice analysis at the end? good good good we like hat #ok time to go sleep to get vaccine!

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sayaratyriea · 6 years

Text

Why and How you got the wrong Aspect: an analysis!

Okay, everyone’s running around like the anthill’s been kicked over after the Extended Zodiac release. People are complaining that their results aren’t right, that the test has to be wrong, that the aspect characterizations are somehow not totally in line with canon, et cetera and so on and so forth... We have the new descriptions of WHAT the Aspect personalities are, but after hearing no fewer than 4 different people complain (rather specifically) that they got Life when they “should’ve” gotten Blood, I decided to poke through the test in an attempt to decide how the test actually determines this stuff. Because it’s really interesting, and everyone’s done so much intense analysis, and I don’t actually think we were all the way wrong? But I also think that the test is doing a good job at analyzing the things it’s actually asking--the problem is, it’s not asking you what it maybe should be.

This is all kind of inspired by a text post I saw earlier doing a primary analysis of the test questions--I can’t find that post right now, but if I do track it down I’ll link it. For now, Taz’s interpretation! This is a pretty simple test, really. Each one of the 12 questions corresponds to one pair of Aspects, and is intended to show which one of the two the test taker is inclined towards. The point of this post is to explain (my understanding of) how this test works, and also provide answers as to how you might have gotten an Aspect that you feel doesn’t fit you quite right! There are quite a few ways to get the wrong answers here, even though the canon descriptions of the Aspects seem spot-on and perfect. It’s a fairly well-made system with a somewhat poorly-designed quiz attached.

This got pretty rambly, so see the readmore for the rest of the post!

First things first: a brief recap of each question, what it asks, and what the results are.

Question 1 is Breath vs Blood: tldr; do you see yourself as more of a Loner Hero type or a part of a large system of interlocked characters? Loner hero is the Breath answer, and the extended cast is Blood.

Question 2: The second Breath vs Blood. This time, it’s show or tell. How do you lead and teach people? By inspiring them or by demonstrating? This is a duality that’s often been attributed to active/passive /classes/ in the classpect community, so it’s interesting that it’s being tied to aspects here. Anyways, Breath players show and Blood players inspire by example.

Question 3: Obviously Light vs Void. Would you rather know everything or be content with knowing that mysteries still exist? Light players want to know, Void players like mystery. Simple stuff.

Question 4: Another Light vs Void. When someone’s wrong about something, do you correct their errors, or just point out how dubious their information is? Light likes illuminating the truth (heh), and Void would rather cast doubt on the false information.

Question 5: Time vs Space, very shallow. Time players like time travel, Space players like distance.

Question 6: The second Time vs Space. Which do you value more, the end results or the journey along the way? Time players value the result, and Space values the journey.

Question 7: Heart vs Mind. Would you rather know yourself in full detail and intimacy, or have the power to make the most rational decisions? Heart is self, Mind is reason.

Question 8: Heart vs Mind part 2. Would you rather know your true potential or the consequences to your possible decisions? Heart is potential, Mind is consequences.

Question 9: Hope vs Rage. Would you rather have firm conviction in your own beliefs, or would you rather cast doubt on the beliefs of those who are wrong? Hope has conviction and Rage is skeptical.

Question 10: Hope vs Rage #2. When you’re in an awful situation, will you stay there until you’ve planned an escape route, or destroy everything and start from scratch no matter the consequences? Hope will stay, Rage will burn it down.

Question 11: Life vs Doom. When you see another person in pain, are you more likely to try to help them, or just empathize and try to relate to them? I don’t like this question--it’s worded vaguely and phrased in such a way where if you don’t choose the Life answer then you get guilted for it. Anyways, Life will help, and Doom will... “relate,” whatever that means.

Question 12: Life vs Doom #2. When you encounter someone in a situation so awful that there’s no way to help, are you more likely to be horrified and fight the inevitable, or feel resigned to the fate of the world? Again, this is a heavily slanted question and could be worded FAR more effectively to produce a less biased quiz. Life fights back, Doom is resigned to destiny.

So there you have it, those are the questions! With that in mind, I’m still trying to figure out how they’re “weighted” when you give multiple strong answers, but the general gist is that the quiz assigns you the Aspect you provided the most Firm Yes answers to. I got Life because I replied strongly in the Helping direction on the last two questions, which overpowered some of my wimpier answers to the other questions.

So what does this mean about the aspect results?

That’s what this post was supposed to be about, after all! I’m not going to pick apart the questions that I think work well, but there are two sets in particular that OFFEND me in how poorly designed they are, and I want to dissect them a little because they seem to cause a lot of problems for people.

First things first, I want to address something about this quiz that’s really bothering me: the whole skew of the Life vs Doom duality. Specifically, the questions meant to assign the Life and Doom aspects in this quiz are really, really bad. I suspect that Life is being assigned far too often, and Doom not nearly enough, because of this problem. Doom got super shortchanged here!

There’s something that Question 11 in particular wants to be asking that it just isn’t, and that glitch in wording could be causing a lot of skew. Frankly, I don’t think anyone’s impulse is to empathize with a person while “not doing anything” about their situation otherwise. What this question wants to ask is, when confronted with someone in despair, do you try to fix the situation materially and remove what’s causing them distress, or do you try to speak to them and relate to them and listen to their problems? Doom’s Aspect description heavily emphasizes empathy and commiseration. While Doom is not the aspect that tries to fix problems, and Doom is not the advice friend, Doom seems like it really wants to listen. I think this question should be rephrased along these lines: “When you see someone suffering, are you more inclined to help them get better? Or is your instinct to listen to their troubles and empathize with them, without necessarily offering advice?”

Also, Question 12 should maybe be rephrased in the context of hearing, like, a news article or something. You’re reading about a horrible awful disaster somewhere else, do you feel terrible that nothing can be done or are you resigned to disaster as the Way the World Is? That’d feel a lot less...weird.

SO like, if you got Life and you don’t think it fit you that well, it’s probably because of those two wonky questions! I think the majority of people are more inclined to do something active in times of trouble than they are to sit around apathetically the way these questions imply Doom would, so if you gave stronger answers to questions 11 and 12 then they may overpower anything else in your test. The majority of people help their friends and want to help other people, that doesn’t mean that the majority of people are proactive enough in that specific way to be Life aspects. In particular, a lot of Blood players seem to be landing on Life when they don’t necessarily belong there.

With that whining out of the way, the rest of the results!

There’s a really simple reason why people are getting answers that they don’t think fit them: the questions on this test are actually determining slightly different traits than the traits emphasized in the aspect result descriptions. Seriously, they are! Blood is the worst culprit of this, but they all do this to some extent.

I’m addressing Blood first, partially because it’s the most common victim in cases of “I should be this aspect but I got Light/Life instead!!!” and partially because the questions for Blood are really... interesting.

Blood, in the traditional fandom approach AND in this test, is supposed to be the aspect about Friendship and Bonds. But in this test, the questions that are most related to friendship and empathy have NOTHING to do with Blood. Seriously, they don’t. Look at the list again. Friendship and relationships are almost never relevant in this quiz, which sort of makes sense, but they’re sort of important for some of these aspects? They’re not there. The two deciding questions that would give the Blood result are more about how you impact the group, not about how the group impacts you or how you relate to them. Regardless of what the description on your results page says, the test itself looks for these traits (and ONLY these!) to identify a Blood player:

They consider themselves only one role in the “play” of reality, surrounded by equally important alternate protagonists, and

They lead others through inspiration and motivation.

There’s nothing in here about friendship and empathy--two elements of the Blood aspect that are generally considered the Most Important Ones by a lot of analysis writers, and also the Blood description itself. The key defining factors of Blood are its reliance on the power of groups, and Blood’s skill at giving advice and helping people, but those traits don’t actually have anything to do with the test questions that’ll give you Blood as a result. The only question with a firmly Blood-affiliated result is Question 2, which is kind of tangential to begin with! I guess this means Hussie considers the “inspirational leadership” aspect most important, but his own aspect description seems to disagree with him there.

I personally think that a lot of Blood players are mistyped as Life because of the wonky Life/Doom questions I complained about earlier--as Blood players prioritize friendship and empathy and helping people, they’re wont to give very strong positive “yes I will always help people and want to help people” responses to questions 11 and 12. This doesn’t mean that they’re Life players, it just means they take their actual aspect seriously! See: my earlier rant about those questions and their multitude of issues. This also means that Life itself is unfairly vague, and probably getting way more results than it really should. Blood and Life are already very closely related, and this test is NOT helping people distinguish them.

The Light/Void questions are pretty good for determining which side of that particular duality someone lands on. A Light player will respond strongly to indicate that they seek knowledge all the time, and a Void player will hang out in the background, those are fine. The worst impact these questions seem to have? They skew the rest of the test. A set of wonky, poorly-worded questions is gonna result in people providing a lot of noncommittal middle answers, so if you gave a “moderately strong” reply in the Light direction to both of these, then you’ll get Light if you didn’t have a very firmly dedicated slant towards something else.

Space/Time are pretty solid, the first option is a literal power preference (which does seem slightly out of place with the rest of the questions but w/e) and the second one does apply fairly directly to the Space/Time duality. I think they might be different to past approaches on that pairing, but I don’t know, I never pried too deeply into this duo.

Heart vs Mind, again pretty well-designed, they achieve what they need to achieve. Not much to say about those.

Hope vs Rage is a really interesting pair because they’re two aspects that Hussie’s been kind of vague on in the past. I think Question 9 could be better phrased, but that’s just me. A few people have complained that Rage isn’t getting assigned often enough, but to me it just seems like it’s not as common of an aspect? I don’t see anything inherently wrong about how the test sets it up, people just don’t answer strongly in that direction.

And... yeah, that’s where I’m at with this test. All the “wrong” answers are happening because 4 out of the 12 questions are Badly Designed enough that they sort of ruin the rest of the thing! So if you’re still feeling like your result isn’t the one that really fits you, this is worth keeping in mind. It’s a test, and tests can be flawed! Even though the 8 questions I didn’t bully seem to work very well, they are still only 8 questions. No personality test can really know you better than you know yourself. :)

(Also, regardless of your theories on how classes work in correlation to aspects, there is still a relationship there. So you might just always have a class skewing your answer! this has been a PSA from your local prince of doom who consistently gets life on all these tests because of... idfk inversion or something who even knows) (#EXERCISE FUTILITY)

#taz shut up #homestuck #aspects #aspect analysis #idk what else to tag this as but listen i had to do a rant

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bitch-a-la-mode · 7 years

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What's it like being an anthro major? I've been thinking about going to back to school for it.

YAY! Something I know about! So basically Anthropology is the study of humans (in Greek “anthropos” literally means “human” and logos means “study”; it’s the study of humans!) One of the first things to know about anthropology is that there are 4 subfields (3 depending on where you are). These fields can be dissected into smaller fields, but for now the main fields are as so:

Cultural/Social Anthropology- basically the study of different cultures and societies. This study gets confused a lot with sociology. But, from my experience as a sociology minor, they’re pretty different. While sociology focuses mainly on creating arguments from statistical analysis, cultural anthro focuses on small groups, studying them, and writing about them (sometimes making comparisons or arguments). There are also smaller fields within this field that focus on specific things (so like my professor has her PHD in cultural anthropology, and she specializes in medical anthropology. She basically studies how medicine is different in one place versus the other and how things like gender, race, and sexual orientation effect the kind of care you get at a doctors office.) basically you can study pretty much anything and call it “culture”. Your choice of fashion is culture, your hair is culture, how you eat a burger is culture, everything is culture. This field can probably give you the most to work with. A big thing to remember is that you have to be very open minded when studying a culture.

Linguistics- now linguistics has become very popular in media recently to the point where people (especially people who don’t know much about Anthropology) think that it’s a independent field of study (which it is not, it’s a subfield). Because of its media attention, some people are kinda confused as to what they do. Linguists study language as you might have guessed. Now I’m not the biggest fan of linguistics so I might be a little biased or give you slightly incorrect information. But from what I know and understand, linguists basically study how language changes based on the language being spoken and the society. For example, the way you talk to your friend is different to how you would talk to your boss. Another big thing is how language changes based on historical influence. So like the way you use a word now is different from how you would have used it 100 years ago. Linguistics love slang. They love learning how to use words differently (I had a professor who didn’t understand why people used the word “mood” and once we explained it, she thought it was the most interesting thing ever and talked about it for 3 classes straight). They have all these fancy names for things in language like “phonemes” and in my opinion it’s probably the hardest subfield to study. They like dissecting grammar rules and understanding them on such a deep level that unless you dedicate all your time to this study, you’ll probably never fully understand it.

Physical/ Biological Anthropology: now there have been many debates about this field. While Anthropology is a social science, bio anthro does a LOT with the physical sciences (mostly biology, hence the name). A lot of universities consider it as a new degree and depending on the school, you could either get a degree in science or the arts. But I digress. Basically this field studies humans on a physical level. They like studying our relatives, the gorillas, and the physical aspects of humans. Evolution is their best friend! While cultural and linguistics studies ideas, bio anthros study the physical aspects of humans. I know a lot of people who get degrees in this and go to med school because you learn so much about the body! I’m pretty sure you have to take at least two courses on osteology (the study of the skeletal system) or anatomy. Basically from the top of your head to the soles of your feet a physical anthropologist will know and study this. (They also study other animals. They LOVE Darwin’s finches in the Galapagos.) A big field within this field is forensic anthropology. Those people study remains that are beyond recognizable for people like the police.

Archeology- now depending on where you are, archeology May or May not be a subfield of Anthropology. In the U.S. it’s a subfield, but in Europe (and maybe Asia?) it’s an entirely different field (so in these places there are only 3 fields of anthropology). Anyways, this field focuses on ancient human civilizations. And when I say ancient, I mean ANCIENT. I’m talking like even before the ancient Egyptians. Like, mostly cavemen. Unlike physical anthropologists, archeologists focus of humans that are long gone. A lot of people think this one is the coolest because of Indiana Jones, but it is far from that. Unless you’re really lucky, you probably won’t be going on expeditions. If you do, however, the chances of you finding some ancient temple are so rare it’s not even funny. Most of the time these crazy bastards will literally go into the desert and start digging. They find practically garbage and are amazed by what they find. What they like to do is find remains of ancient civilizations and try to piece together how the societies were like. For example, they’ve found remains of what is assumed to be a woman and inside what would’ve been her digestive tract, they’ve found traces of a fetus. They discovered that in this ancient society, if there was a premature birth, the people would have a ceremony and eat the fetus remains. They also use quite a bit of science, but probably not as much as physical anthropologists.

Anthropology is a social science, which means that you’re gonna study humans in some type of way. Like psychology, sociology, and all the other ‘Ologies’, this area consists of a lot of reading and writing. Basically all you’ll ever do is read one book after another, and write research papers. But if that’s your thing it’s pretty easy and nice. Like a lot of liberal arts degrees, you can’t do much with a bachelors unless you have a lot of experience or good connections. To get an internship in legitimate anthropology is so difficult, many require master degrees! But the nice thing is that it’s a liberal arts degree, emphasis on liberal! Many anthropologists may not be going on insane expeditions, but quite a few work in academia. Some publish work, some don’t. I have a friend who works a marketing internship and uses what he’s learned to attract certain demographics. I, on one hand, would like to work in a museum. There’s a bunch of stuff you can do with Anthropology! It can apply to every day life. And again, you might not be studying some rare species in the Amazon, but humans are all around us! We literally surround ourselves with humans, and we study humans! We literally surround ourselves with our work! Anthropology is all about observing and learning and if that’s what you like to do then I say go for it! It’s very rewarding in my opinion and as someone who did a complete 180 with her degree (I went from biomedical engineering to cultural anthropology) it is very rewarding if you truly enjoy it! And the thing is that humans will always be here, so however or whatever you study about humans, there’s always a way to incorporate that into your work. And again, Anthropology is such a broad degree choice than you can get a wide range of jobs that you can incorporate your lessons into.

If anyone thinks I might have been wrong in some way please add onto this! If you think differently I’d love to hear what you have to say

@cheesethenachos

#cheesethenachos #linguistics #cultural anthropology #archaeology #physical anthropology

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kristinsimmons · 5 years

Text

What’s on USMLE Step 1?

By BRYAN CARMODY

Recently, I was on The Accad and Koka Report to share my opinions on USMLE Step 1 scoring policy. (If you’re interested, you can listen to the episode on the show website or iTunes.)

Most of the topics we discussed were ones I’ve already dissected on this site. But there was an interesting moment in the show, right around the 37:30 mark, that raises an important point that is worthy of further analysis.

ANISH: There’s also the fact that nobody is twisting the arms of program directors to use [USMLE Step 1] scores, correct? Even in an era when you had clinical grades reported, there’s still seems to be value that PDs attach to these scores. . . There’s no regulatory agency that’s forcing PDs to do that. So if PDs want to use, you know, a number on a test to determine who should best make up their class, why are you against that?

BRYAN: I’m not necessarily against that if you make that as a reasoned decision. I would challenge a few things about it, though. I guess the first question is, what do you think is on USMLE Step 1 that is meaningful?

ANISH: Well – um – yeah…

BRYAN: What do you think is on that test that makes it a meaningful metric?

ANISH: I – I don’t- I don’t think that – I don’t know that memorizing… I don’t even remember what was on the USMLE. Was the Krebs Cycle on the USMLE Step 1?

I highlight this snippet not to pick on Anish – who was a gracious host, and despite our back-and-forth on Twitter, we actually agreed much more than we disagreed. And as a practicing clinician who is 15 years removed from the exam, I’m not surprised in the least that he doesn’t recall exactly what was on the test.

I highlight this exchange because it illuminates one of the central truths in the #USMLEPassFail debate, and that is this:

Physicians who took Step 1 more than 5 years ago honestly don’t have a clue about what is tested on the exam.

That’s not because the content has changed. It’s because the memories of minutiae fade over time, leaving behind the false memory of a test that was more useful than it really was.

I’m speaking from experience here.

CONFESSIONS OF A FORMER STEP 1 APOLOGIST

Believe it or not, I was once a USMLE apologist. If you’d asked me my opinion of Step 1 a few years ago, I would have said “Yeah, it’s not the best, but it’s the best we’ve got…” and parroted back many of the same arguments for a scored test that are still bandied about today.

My opinion started to change a few years ago when I started teaching some courses for our first- and second-year medical students. I wanted to be sure that the concepts and terminology I used were consistent with what they needed to know for the USMLE, so I reviewed a whole bunch of Step 1 questions using the NBME’s Computerized Assessment System (CAS).

As I answered question after question, three broad categories of questions emerged.

CORE SCIENTIFIC CONCEPTS: Many questions I knew cold. These questions tested key aspects of physiology, pharmacology, or pathology that I use frequently to take care of patients.

A LITTLE OFF THE BEATEN PATH: Another group of questions were more challenging. They asked about basic science concepts with only peripheral relevance to the practice of nephrology. Some of these I got right; some I got wrong. Most stirred up a dormant memory of facts that I might have known during my own Step 1 studying.

BASIC SCIENCE TRIVIA: A final group of questions were completely foreign. Not only did I not know them, but I had no memory of there ever being a time in my life when I would have known them. For these, it was hard to even conceive of how such information could be clinically useful.

I’d like to share examples of these questions to you. However, to gain access to CAS, I signed a blood oath confidentiality agreement with the NBME that I would not disclose the questions within, and I am going to honor that.

However… the USMLE does provide some real USMLE Step 1 sample questions to the general public. I reviewed just the first block (questions 1-40) and highlighted some of the best below.

SAMPLE QUESTION 1

You might think that the makers of a mandatory medical licensing examination would be interested in determining whether doctors-to-be knew how to keep this poor guy from dying in the first place. Nah. For Step 1, let’s just figure out who knows how this cell got here.

(The correct answer, in case you were wondering, is B.)

SAMPLE QUESTION 2

What I love about this question is the way it lures you in with a totally-believable clinical vignette. Is it a question about burn care? Infection prevention? Indications for debridement? Nope. Hope you memorized your cytokines! If not, the correct answer is E.

SAMPLE QUESTION 3

Whoa. Not to be outdone by Sample Question 2, this question makes multiple head-fakes toward clinically relevant medical decision-making that might benefit a human being… before ending with cellular signaling pathways.

Look, I actually evaluate children suspected to have diabetes insipidus. Never once has it occurred to me to look up this factoid (much less carry it around in my head). But in case your diagnostic algorithm differs from my own, the correct answer is A.

SAMPLE QUESTION 4

Are you sensing a theme here?

As usual, the question stem starts off strong with a vignette on a clinically-relevant entity (RSV bronchiolitis), before diverting into Virology Jeopardy. Is it really the case that all doctors must know, as a condition of licensure, that RSV has a linear, negative-sense RNA genome?

Sigh.

I hopefully guessed answer choice E, thinking that perhaps the USMLE was trying to test a clinically-useful point which I had been heretofore unaware. They weren’t. The correct answer is D.

SAMPLE QUESTION 5

I have to at least applaud this question for its lack of pretense. No clinical foreplay at all. It gets straight into the basic science.

And in case it’s been a while since you walked into clinic and did a Southern blot on the digestion products of your patient’s cerebellum and pancreas, the correct answer is C.

HOW’D YOU DO?

Anybody go 5 for 5?

Let me save you a little time on your angry e-mails and address some of the inevitable objections to this little exercise.

YOU CHERRY-PICKED THOSE QUESTIONS.

Yes, I did. But bear in mind, these cherries were plucked from a 40 question block – so these 5 represent 12.5% of the total. (Plus, these are the exemplary questions that the NBME has chosen to release on the sample test. The questions I reviewed on CAS verged even farther into the realm of the obscure.)

And bear in mind, as Step 1 scores climb higher and higher, the questions that are used to discriminate between candidates at the upper end become more and more obscure. Knowing the answers to these kinds of questions may be the difference between a student being able to pursue a career in, say, orthopedic surgery – or not.

So students will study more and more to memorize facts that are less and less useful. And as this process repeats iteratively over residency application cycles, things will get worse and worse – until we demand that something be done about it.

THOSE AREN’T BAD QUESTIONS. I GOT THEM ALL RIGHT.

Cool. Actually, I got two of them right. But that doesn’t keep me from appreciating that the concepts being tested are almost certainly unnecessary for the safe and effective practice of medicine.

THIS MATERIAL ISN’T IRRELEVANT! WHY, JUST YESTERDAY I PRESCRIBED A VEGF INHIBITOR TO A PATIENT IN MY CLINIC.

So why not test the indications for using VEGF inhibitors, or their side effects? Just because the answer to some of these questions relates to something that’s useful doesn’t mean that they’re good questions.

THOSE QUESTIONS AREN’T IRRELEVANT FOR ALL PHYSICIANS. WHAT ABOUT THOSE WHO PURSUE CAREERS IN RESEARCH? SOUTHERN BLOTTING IS QUITE USEFUL!

Let me be clear – none of what I am pointing out here is intended to denigrate basic science or basic scientists. For those of you who work in research, hats off to you. Honestly. But I would put it to you that even those who have made it their life’s mission to understand the Janus kinase weren’t inspired to do so through their Step 1 preparation.

Here’s the thing: the USMLE Step 1 is a licensing examination. Medical licensure exists to protect the public.

And it’s very for me difficult to conceive of a situation in which a patient could be harmed by a physician’s inability to answer any of those questions above. (It’s even more difficult to try to imagine a case in which a patient would benefit by receiving care from a clinician armed with these nuggets of trivia.)

WE DON’T USE STEP 1 SCORES BECAUSE OF THE KNOWLEDGE IT TESTS. WE USE SCORES BECAUSE IT SHOWS US WHAT CANDIDATES HAVE THE BEST WORK ETHIC, TIME MANAGEMENT SKILLS, DETERMINATION, GRIT, ETC.

Then could we not measure those things while engaging students in an endeavor that actually leads to them being a better physician? If it’s really true that the content is irrelevant, why not just ask students to memorize digits of pi?

THE BOTTOM LINE

The “save the scored USMLE” coalition is a varied one.

There are students who perceive that they benefit from a scored test, or who would rather compete with their Step 1 score than by some other metric. There are graduates who worked their butts off to get a high score and have benefitted from it – and they view an attack on Step 1 scores as an attack on their own intelligence or work ethic. There are (cough cough) certain organizations who have a vested financial interest in maintaining a scored test. And there are well-meaning faculty and program directors who aren’t sold on Step 1, but buy into the NBME’s messaging about how anything that could possibly replace Step 1 will be worse.

Some of those objections I get; some, not so much.

If you support maintaining scored test, all I ask is this: know what you’re fighting for. Don’t rely on your own remote experience with Step 1 inform your knowledge about what’s being measured by the Step 1 score.

Dr. Carmody is a pediatric nephrologist and medical educator at Eastern Virginia Medical School. This post originally appeared on The Sheriff of Sodium here.

What’s on USMLE Step 1? published first on https://wittooth.tumblr.com/

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lauramalchowblog · 5 years

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What’s on USMLE Step 1?

By BRYAN CARMODY

Recently, I was on The Accad and Koka Report to share my opinions on USMLE Step 1 scoring policy. (If you’re interested, you can listen to the episode on the show website or iTunes.)

ANISH: Well – um – yeah…

BRYAN: What do you think is on that test that makes it a meaningful metric?

ANISH: I – I don’t- I don’t think that – I don’t know that memorizing… I don’t even remember what was on the USMLE. Was the Krebs Cycle on the USMLE Step 1?

I highlight this exchange because it illuminates one of the central truths in the #USMLEPassFail debate, and that is this:

Physicians who took Step 1 more than 5 years ago honestly don’t have a clue about what is tested on the exam.

That’s not because the content has changed. It’s because the memories of minutiae fade over time, leaving behind the false memory of a test that was more useful than it really was.

I’m speaking from experience here.

CONFESSIONS OF A FORMER STEP 1 APOLOGIST

As I answered question after question, three broad categories of questions emerged.

CORE SCIENTIFIC CONCEPTS: Many questions I knew cold. These questions tested key aspects of physiology, pharmacology, or pathology that I use frequently to take care of patients.

However… the USMLE does provide some real USMLE Step 1 sample questions to the general public. I reviewed just the first block (questions 1-40) and highlighted some of the best below.

SAMPLE QUESTION 1

(The correct answer, in case you were wondering, is B.)

SAMPLE QUESTION 2

SAMPLE QUESTION 3

SAMPLE QUESTION 4

Are you sensing a theme here?

Sigh.

I hopefully guessed answer choice E, thinking that perhaps the USMLE was trying to test a clinically-useful point which I had been heretofore unaware. They weren’t. The correct answer is D.

SAMPLE QUESTION 5

I have to at least applaud this question for its lack of pretense. No clinical foreplay at all. It gets straight into the basic science.

And in case it’s been a while since you walked into clinic and did a Southern blot on the digestion products of your patient’s cerebellum and pancreas, the correct answer is C.

HOW’D YOU DO?

Anybody go 5 for 5?

Let me save you a little time on your angry e-mails and address some of the inevitable objections to this little exercise.

YOU CHERRY-PICKED THOSE QUESTIONS.

THOSE AREN’T BAD QUESTIONS. I GOT THEM ALL RIGHT.

Cool. Actually, I got two of them right. But that doesn’t keep me from appreciating that the concepts being tested are almost certainly unnecessary for the safe and effective practice of medicine.

THIS MATERIAL ISN’T IRRELEVANT! WHY, JUST YESTERDAY I PRESCRIBED A VEGF INHIBITOR TO A PATIENT IN MY CLINIC.

THOSE QUESTIONS AREN’T IRRELEVANT FOR ALL PHYSICIANS. WHAT ABOUT THOSE WHO PURSUE CAREERS IN RESEARCH? SOUTHERN BLOTTING IS QUITE USEFUL!

Here’s the thing: the USMLE Step 1 is a licensing examination. Medical licensure exists to protect the public.

WE DON’T USE STEP 1 SCORES BECAUSE OF THE KNOWLEDGE IT TESTS. WE USE SCORES BECAUSE IT SHOWS US WHAT CANDIDATES HAVE THE BEST WORK ETHIC, TIME MANAGEMENT SKILLS, DETERMINATION, GRIT, ETC.

THE BOTTOM LINE

The “save the scored USMLE” coalition is a varied one.

Some of those objections I get; some, not so much.

Dr. Carmody is a pediatric nephrologist and medical educator at Eastern Virginia Medical School. This post originally appeared on The Sheriff of Sodium here.

What’s on USMLE Step 1? published first on https://venabeahan.tumblr.com

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neubauje · 7 years

Text

Behind Every Great Teacher (chapter 2)

Chapter 1

Chapter 2 (Mirrored on AO3):

All Might slowly regains his senses, then sits up to woozily get his bearings. The sun is already down, leaving the windows darkened, the clock reads several hours past the end of the school day, and he’s still in his silver-age costume, rumpled on the couch in the primary teacher’s lounge, where he’d collapsed shortly after chatting outside with Midoriya about spilling secrets to Bakugo. He’d apparently slept through cocooning himself in his cape, and Eraserhead brewing a fresh pot of coffee and a cup of instant ramen, now settled in at a nearby table with a stack of papers to grade. Plus, the sleep-addled corners of his memory seem to indicate that a few other teachers had wandered in here and there after their classes, only to duck back out to let him rest in some modicum of privacy. “Oh, man. I can NOT make a habit of passing out here…” He sighs and untangles himself from the loose-fitting fabric of his costume, then pulls his sore body through a few low-impact stretches to try to work out any residual kinks. Meeting the gaze of the pair of eyes staring at him, he nods in greeting, “Hey again, Aizawa.” Met with a noncommittal but not-unfriendly grunt in return, All Might pilfers a cup of coffee from the fresh pot and takes a place at the same table, close enough to catch a glimpse of the homework being processed, some kind of history assessment from that afternoon’s class.

Eraserhead follows with his eyes the whole time, waiting until All Might is settled in and testing the temperature of the beverage with a cautious sip. “Today was your first formal day teaching, wasn’t it.” He sets his grading pen down and tugs at his scarf, freeing up his mouth for conversation and another bite of ramen. “Class 1A seemed pretty shaken after their lesson with you. Bakugo was even more furious than yesterday, and Midoriya was missing entirely. The others said he was still in recovery. What HAPPENED out there, Toshinori?” (more under the cut)

All Might glances over briefly as he sips and stirs and stalls for time, trying to piece it all together. “I… don’t actually know how to teach. I never got any sort of education degree or training. I’ve just been trying to draw from my experiences to come up with interesting scenarios, and the very first one… things got a little out of hand. I was pairing them in teams to practice against each other, and the lottery kind of screwed us into a bad matchup right off the bat. But that’s no excuse for how I handled it.” He shakes his head and sets the coffee down, then plops his head into his hands, bony fingers combing roughly through the blonde tangle of hair. “Because I couldn’t bring myself to stop them, the students nearly beat each other into a pulp in that first round. And on top of that, Yaoyorozu completely dissected my lesson plan. She laid out everything I was going to mention, and THEN some. I looked like a fool.”

“Heh. Don’t you usually look like a fool?” Idly continuing to grade as they talk, Eraserhead lets only the barest hint of a reassuring smile show that the jab is in jest. “Truth be told, really, very few of us have any sort of formal training like you mentioned. Almost all of what you see built around you comes from the last fifty years of trial and error, arisen from a growing need as society adjusts to the rise of more and more powerful quirks.” He glances back at the grading work, letting out a soft sigh of frustration at how little of it he’s getting done. “There’s still a lot of debate and analysis about what types of teaching methods are most successful, and what sorts of students to admit. I take it you’re a firm advocate of hands-on scenario training? You strike me as the boy-scout ‘ready for every occasion’ type.”

All Might nods and gently tugs a chunk of tests out from the bottom of the stack, fishing around in the folds of his costume for his ever-present autograph pen. Without prompting, he settles in to split the workload, more than familiar enough with the answers to be able to grade them. “Yeah. It’s not that I have anything against book-learning or taking notes; I’ve even been known to take a few myself, on occasion. But that’s always seemed like more of a personal preference sort of thing, not something I can use as a class-wide teaching technique. I figure, I just try to eliminate as many curveballs as possible for the kids before the real villains start throwing them.”

Grateful for the helping hand, Eraserhead smiles just a bit more broadly, “A noble approach, though it may be a bit flawed. Did you have cambots during the lesson to get footage? I’d like to see, if possible.”

“Uh, yeah, of course… I’ll send them to you when I get home.” He pushes up one sleeve and pens a little reminder on his wrist before continuing on the tests, “But what’s flawed about it?”

Aizawa tips his head from side to side in a minimal stretch, side-eyeing his company in the process. “Not everyone has your infinite, adaptable power, you know.” He pauses to make sure the Number One Hero is on the same page, and surely enough, Toshinori seems to be listening attentively. “Most heroes have limitations- and not due to an injury, either. Our quirks aren’t always useful in every scenario, our training or personality or power levels can’t always pull us through no matter what. It’s probably the most important thing for the kids to learn here at UA, while they still have the chance: their own strengths and utility; how to pick their battles, and when to step back and let a better-suited hero take over.”

Left to process this fresh mind-set, All Might regards Eraserhead in a new light. 'Plus Ultra’ may have worked just fine for him, at least prior to that battle five years ago, in every fight or rescue he’d ever come across. But more specialized heroes, like Aizawa here with his long-distance finesse… it would stand to reason that they would have a very different approach to being a pro. “I see… A one-for-all lesson plan may not be the best curriculum. But individualized sessions, tutoring each student on each quirk? I… would need some time to work out how to implement such a thing. I can barely hold it together long enough for a single lesson as it is; we ran a little long today, and I had to push my limits again just to make it out of sight before my strength gave out on me.” Still frowning over the predicament, All Might finishes grading the last test in his stack and shuffles them all back into an orderly pile to hand back to the homeroom teacher. “I’ll definitely take this under advisement, but for now I’d better head home. Have a good night, Aizawa.” He takes a couple more sips of the coffee before dumping the rest in the sink, waving a lazy salute as he heads back to the classroom where he’d stashed his street clothes.

Shouta nods and watches the taller man go, then finishes up the last test, drains the last of the cheap ramen broth, and fishes his sleeping bag from behind the couch before flicking the lights off in the staff lounge. He’d watch the lesson footage in the morning.

Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8 - Chapter 9 - Chapter 10 (rated M) - Chapter 11 (rated M) - Chapter 12

#my hero academia #bnha #bnha fic #all might #eraserhead #erasermight #let's face it i am still shipping trash #my writing #Behind Every Great Teacher

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