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mcytcontent · 15 days

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(4/4) over parts on my profile

Shelby's Instagram

Despite the fact that Shelby said that she and Wilbur started dating in 2022, it seems to me that this is slightly wrong. And their relationship began at the end of 2021. I think so because of the photos of Wilbur and Shelby together on her Instagram. (1-1,5, 2, 3)

In all the photographs (except the last one) absolutely everyone is marked except her and Wilbur.

Sudden facts

Smajor was the very first of Shelby’s close friends to announce himself; he claimed that he saw abuse in their relationship, but for some reason remained silent. The reason for his silence is unknown. ‌

Billzo appears, emerging from his year-long silence with a statement that he, too, saw how Wilbur manipulated him and his friends. At the same time, Billzo, like Smajor, did not talk about this until the persecution against Sut began. The reason for his silence is also unknown.

‌After this, Tubbo liked Bilzo and Freddie's answer

Wilbur's moments

Wilbur and others have repeatedly confirmed and joked about the fact that Wilbur has an addiction to alcohol. Wilbur himself admitted this on Quackity's stream.

Amid Wilbur and Shelby's relationship, Technoblade died. Techno's death could have made Wilbur very depressed, especially considering that Wilbur had frequent panic attacks as a child, as well as severe anxiety.

Wilbur more than once asked not to idealize him, he said a lot about the fact that he was a bad person.

He said that he had been mentally ill since childhood and that he would soon undergo therapy. And for some time Will was so apathetic and depressed that he didn’t even get out of bed and the only one who was at least somehow worried about him and forced him to look after him was Tommy, who was 17 at that time.

Also one of the streams from 2023, where he mentions his problems with mental health and that it has become worse

"Wilbur, if you weren't a little bit handsome, everyone would think you're wrongun" - Tommy's joke (6:25)

Shelby also said that Will doesn't care about his fans, and he only wants fame and money from them. Officially, tickets for his concert cost from 49+ pennies. Tommy talked about this when he went to the cmwyl concert. And Bilzo himself said on Twitter that he would buy Will’s ttrack «The "Nice Guy" Ballad» if he put it up, and Bilzo replied that he could listen to it for free.

Wilbur also supports feminism.

Shelby's cousin

Cousin Shelby said that it was not Wilbur who abused Shelby, but she who abused him. (There is no evidence that this is Shelby’s cousin, so the information is not accurate)

Shelby responded to this within 40 minutes, but at this point, her reply has been deleted.

What Shelby violated

You can read more about Shelby's violations from VikaVivii (RIP♡) on Twitter.

Article 188 - Libel, administrative violation

Article 189 - Insult inflicted in a public speech, or in a printed or publicly displayed work, or in the media. Administrative violation.

Article 203-1 - Illegal actions regarding information about private life and personal data. Administrative violation.

Article 343 - Distribution of pornographic material (intimate photos and videos of Wilbur). Criminal article.

Im actually not sure about this

Article 352 - Unlawful acquisition of computer information (Wilbur’s personal data). Administrative violation or criminal for up to two years.

Article 355 - Violation of the rules for operating a computer system or network. Administrative violation.

Chapter 2 Article 3 - Disrespect for Wilbur's Life

Chapter 2 Article 5 - Dissemination of Wilbur Sweat's personal information without his mutual consent to these actions, thereby violating his integrity

Chapter 1-2 Article 11 - disrespect for the honor and dignity of William Gold, distributing purely personal information and supporting doxxing towards Wil.

Chapter 2 Article 12 - condemnation of Wilbur Soot for his thoughts and beliefs, which have the right to be expressed.

Victims from SupportShubleSquad

Aiden (@VikaVivii) is a 15-year-old child who was subjected to domestic violence and who was one of Wilbur's active supports. He actively looked into the situation, talked about the holes in Shubble's story, and covered the petition (authored by @kinokonyai) which outlines the laws that Shelby violated. Due to bullying and threats of doxxing, on 03/07/24, I jumped from the balcony, before that I wrote a couple of posts on my Twitter account, saying goodbye. Afterwards, Aiden's close friend (@ZaneDeYala) confirmed his death and said that Aiden's mother would speak out about it later.

Miles (@Wilbees_xx) - 16 years old, tried to commit suicide with an overdose of pills. Based on his brother's statement, we know that Miles is currently in the hospital and getting help.

M (@weirdobur) - wanted to commit suicide, but luckily he couldn’t, now he’s decided to step away from the Internet for an indefinite period.

⬆️

Shelby left her Twitter account for the purpose of “resting.” At the same time, deleting messages and banning those people who talk about Aiden and Miles. ‌

“I didn’t ask for threats on my behalf.” Didn’t stop her fans from bullying, but also supported it herself. It has long been known that she liked wishes for the death of Wilbur and leaking his personal information, but as soon as this was noticed, she removed the likes.

On TinaKiten, Shelby was pressured by the supports, forcing her to speak out about the situation and take sides, despite the fact that she was not even Wilbur’s friend, but an acquaintance.

3rd Shelby's stream

On March 24, Shelby streamed after a break of 2 weeks.

16:30 she began to talk about how you can’t trust the words of others, about how people wish death to each other, and how they wish death to her every day. After that, she began to talk about the trust “adult kids” have in adults, and how she felt in the company of such adults.

23:17 she said that children are stupid: “cause they are kids, they are stupid,” and then immediately qualified her statement with how unfairly the younger generation is treated. She then began to talk about brotherly relationships between teenagers and adults, clearly alluding to the relationship between Wilbur and Tommy, but without directly saying so, she talked about the manipulation of children by adults. That when a teenager needs help, this adult will never come. She said that friendships with age differences should be more respectful, especially towards children.

Later she mentions Philza saying that he is a great person and we should follow his example. In “brotherly” relationships there should not be any friendly blows or jabs (More than half of the relationships between brothers and sisters are exactly like that. Especially when someone is older).

She later said that it was terrible to deal with teenagers in friendships: “because they are so young and you are so fucking old. What are you doing."

27:19 “If you ever been one of this people, (cause we saw this happen before too), where you were caught, (where you in massive platform), of violence, over a lot of teenagers and children. And in privet you are being an abusing people, manipulating and abusing teenagers. I just think, if you are one of these people who are caught and say: “I'm sorry, I'm gonna work on myself” - I think that is a lie if you ever come back. I think if you have been caught clearly irresponsible with this position of power over teenagers, that if you actually out of them working in a sorry, you'd voluntarily never come back, if you really were sorry. I just couldn’t ever believe it if you put yourself right back into the same shoes...” At this point, she was clearly talking about Wilbur, accusing him of manipulating and abusing teenagers.

31:08 she started talking about teenagers who commit suicide. She started laughing at them, covering it up with the words that she was laughing at herself, at her situation. She said that these children are lying, because you can look up their phone number and use it to find information or find their parents. And finally ask them about this situation. She said that she found all this and checked it out. But she did not provide any evidence.

32:37 “Because it is a crime to tell people kiil themselves” (She herself does nothing with her team ShelbySupporSquad, who wish people kys (kill themselves) every day)

39:50 “You are waiting for more information, maybe before you call someone a lying bitch”

(I’ve been waiting for more information for more than a month)

At 41 minutes, she began to talk about how many people began to share their stories and that she was proud of them, and that she was glad that many of them found a way out of the situation.

44:22 «I've seen so many excuses, I've just seen so many excuses that I think that not okay and I think that actually disrespect, I've seen people use excuses of depression to excuse some behavior, I think that such disrespect to anyone who felt depressed, because feeling depressed is not a pass to abuse people, because that are you sealing to imply. It's just not an excuse for abuse, no one of this excuse for abuse, mental illness not is excuse for abuse, because for forgetting part that took it to a level where they were abusing somebody else. And that's not okay, that's not.»

Many people began to get angry at this statement, it seems to me that basically there is nothing wrong here, but she still cannot judge depression, since she is not a professional.

55:45 Aimsey joined via Discord call until 1:09:34 (they were discussing cartoons)

1:11:17 she started talking about safety on the Internet (don’t tell your age, if you’re being bullied, tell your loved ones, etc.)

1:12:53 “Important to have a slightly adult to go to, because you don’t want to go to your parents and they can never be able to understand...”

Deleted post

I would also like to note that this post has been deleted from the «Wilbur music» channel.

Tupac posters

A moment that fans noticed. Shelby has a poster of Tupac, the rapper convicted of rape, on his wall.

I checked this and can finally confirm the information. It would be fine if she had only one poster hanging out of ignorance, but the fact that she has two posters is suggestive.

Sorry boys

On March 30, Sorry boys posted a post in which, on behalf of Tommy, they declare that they will go on a break, but before that they will release one video, he also wrote that they have as many as 5 filmed videos, but they will not post them.

Wilbur in Brighton?

On April 9, a video from a LoveJoy fan appeared on TikTok, in which he filmed Wilbur congratulating him (someone) on his birthday: «Just birth, happy birthday to “name”» (I didn’t fully understand what he said, because spoke quickly). This happened at the airport.

They also began to say that Wilbur had become visible again in Brighton. Most likely Wilbur came from New York where he temporarily lived with LoveJoy.

The owner of the video posted a verification post that he had recently meet Wilbur. The video was filmed back in December 2023. And it was filmed by a friend who was flying with LoveJoy on the same rail.

Spotify UK & Ireland

#wilbur soot #wilbur situation #shelby shubble #analysis #shelby situation

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imeverywoman420 · 7 months

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One of the most frustrating things to me regarding mental health is tht like its not just “mental” as in a mindset its very much physiological and it is ur entire body and way of living “mental illness” is such a stupid phrase….. idk i truly hate how “normalize mental illness” just became a thing abusive and attention seeking people say. Or something super high functioning normal people that got diagnosed with mild anxiety say like haha i had a panic attack about my salad earlier normalize panic attacks.

I remember being like 11 having a total mental breakdown repeating the phrase im a bad person over and over bc i could see people constantly conflating being mentally ill with being a bad person. And im at a very grinch like point in my life…. Where i know a lot of bad things have happened to me and im very sad and i have diagnosed real mental problems. But i WANT to be a good and productive society person.

idk to put it simply- i cry. I shut down sometimes n panic. And i get that these things are not “okay” for adults to do and i dont expect special treatment. But for a while when i wasnt a neet, i REALLY tried. I don’t want to hurt people i don’t do crazy shit or lash out at people but just my general Traumatized orphan vibe and tendency to dissociate and cry makes me unemployable. It was so embarrassing just crying all the fucking time working a normal job. And i DONT want to make excuses for myself or be a weak person anymore…. I want to be stronger and push myself to just suck it up and stop crying. But i would be disgusted with the callousness of someone like that. I don’t want to be a bad person ………

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waters-and-the-wilde · 22 hours

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hehe scenario. jupeter coming out the other side of All That with a bit of 'wow you're just straight up a bit codependent but maybe that's actually the best-case scenario for you right now carry on fellas'

oh they've Had Their Talk in the aftermath, and, okay, it's agreed that they are Not Doing Romance because Nureyev needs Time To Grieve and it would be better to Take The Pressure Off Of Being In A Relationship and they will Reevaluate when Nureyev's had a chance to be a guy who doesn't have to worry about where his next meal is coming from. but also Like Hell is Juno just going to Leave Him Alone after all this. and the result is that they spend the Big Crash just. completely unhinged about each other. Nureyev's shot past 'feeling vulnerable around Juno scares the shit out of him' and well into 'raw nerves and gaping wounds and compound trauma and feeling vulnerable about literally anything and everything all the time and being around Juno is integral to not spiraling into the abandonment hell vortex'. meanwhile Juno's like 'holy shit Nureyev is letting me be there for him. this is already incredible progress'

u think they were insufferable on the Carte Blanche well. on the Carte Blanche Nureyev was still working on things like trusting Juno enough to let him back in at all and he Had An Image To Maintain and lots of Private Stuff to Deal With and Juno was still figuring out how not to be a prickly ass all the time and 'when is it appropriate to give your bf his space when your default mode is to Investigate Shit' and none of that is a going concern right now

'sometimes you gotta be a little bit mentally ill to handle the mental illness' they have so much separation anxiety and they are clipping their carabiners together. hooking pinky fingers and following each other when one needs to do something in the next room. where's Nureyev? sitting in Juno's lap again. his ass is experiencing 'nervous system doesn't know how to respond to the sudden removal of constant crushing dread and just goes fucking haywire at unpredictable intervals'. he gets random-ass panic attacks and there's only so much the breathing exercises and the grounding exercises and self-soothing techniques can do compared to 'Juno is here and he's fine and he's safe and he is more than happily providing prolonged physical contact' to get him to calm down on a physiological level

meanwhile Juno's like 'i chased this idiot across half the galaxy because he wouldn't ask for help and had to deal with him being all stone-faced and cold about it, do I look like i mind that he's clingy now? a lady does not need his personal space at this time. a lady is living for this. a lady is also maybe feeling clingy have u considered that'

everyone who isn't rita (idek who. melee? the other vivopolis refugees??) is assuming they are just getting a very bad grade in taking it slow and are barely humoring them about it. and neither bothers with denying the boyfriend allegations but it's not bc it's true it's they're just. too exhausted to get defensive about it

rita: and i mean they ain't actually smooching too loud in the kitchen or whatever

melee probably: he just came out of Juno's room wearing Juno's shirt

juno: he's a thief that's his shirt now

(12 hours earlier:)

nureyev: (shows up to juno's room at 3am) im sorry for waking you i had nightmares about [the bomb/the carte blanche raid/dokana capturing you] i just needed to see that you were alive and make sure im in the reality timeline and then i will go back to-

juno: get in loser we're watching bad cops

rita: hi mista' n do you want some of this blanket

nureyev: that's very kind but im afraid im

juno: yeah hold up he's like really sweaty im gonna get him a clean shirt

nureyev: you really don't need to-

juno: how are you even still standing up when you're shaking like that

nureyev: that is. an excellent question

juno: anyway welcome to the club i fired rita like an hour ago bc i had nightmares about her dying on the asteroid

rita: i had one where i was gettin chased by this big stompy plant monster with lotsa teeth and i had to distract it by throwing all my snacks behind me and then i was outta snacks and then i was up getting more snacks when mista' steel fired me

rita: you know i think only reason i ain't got separation anxiety about mista' steel is because we spent all that time in the ruby together while we were chasin' after you and that gets a gal over it real fast

juno: thanks rita :P

#good morning i am once again committing my little scenarios #hypothetical denouement nonsense #this is not even remotely legit speculation i am just saying words recreationally #the penumbra podcast #juno steel #peter nureyev

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sun-daddy-yoriichi · 5 months

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yoo-

can you write a oneshot abt giyuu with an s/o who has high anxiety/ gets anxiety or panic attacks around big crowds? im one of those ppl,and it would be great to see a drabble like this

note ━ yooo i'm also a part of the high anxiety fam, sorry it took so long to get back on this! college lowkey is kinda whooping my ass rn but i'm on break now!! so i'm going to try to start posting and writing more on this account.

Giyuu with a High Anxiety S/O | Headcanons

First of all, I'd like to make it known that I don't see Giyuu as having anxiety of any sort

That being said, he also isn't a big fan of crowds, but he knows how to manage them better, so he takes the lead through crowds if it's ever necessary

Typically if he has the choice, and his S/O is with him, he'd make the decision to avoid any big cities, to stay away from the clusters of people

But sometimes that's not an option, so he and his S/O would definitely come up with a system ahead of time that would help alleviate some of the anxiety beforehand, so neither of you are taken by surprise when it happens

First and foremost, if it helps his S/O at all, he'll give them his haori to wear. Sometimes it helps to have something or wear something that belongs to a loved one when dealing with anxiety, so if it helps he'll give it over without fuss

Some of ya'll won't believe me, but if his S/O asked him if they could hold hands, he'd do it in an INSTANT. Giyuu doesn't exactly like PDA and he's not the most tactful when it comes to affection in general, but you can't tell me he wouldn't be grippin' the fuck out of his S/O's hand if it meant it would help calm them

He keeps them close for as long as they're in the city. He has enough anxiety as it is around losing people, but the thought of a panic attack happening while he's not there would make him even more protective

Eating happens as soon as they're away from the worst of the crowding. I know that eating is super hard sometimes if you're having really bad anxiety, but trust me when I say it helps.

So even if it's just a little bit, it'd make Giyuu feel better, and it'll make yourself feel better in the process

And if none of that works? If you're not in a hurry, Giyuu's patient enough to wait out the crowds until the early hours of the morning. If it's a mission, and he can't spare that much time, he'll still try to take backroads and alleyways around the worst of the clamour in order to keep his S/O calm and collected for the most part

Giyuu isn't perfect when it comes to handling mental illness (he likely doesn't even know he has one) but his S/O matters more than anything to him, so he's more than willing to put in the work for them, to make sure they're comfortable

#kny #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer #monsoon.txt #kny headcanons #demon slayer headcanons #kimetsu no yaiba scenarios #kimetsu no yaiba headcanons #demon slayer imagines #tomioka giyuu x reader #tomioka giyuu

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berylcups · 19 days

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Heres the full pic of Calamari! This is just their clothing design, not their actual weight. I used a base to make sure I got the clothes on neatly. I hope it looks okay! And below is their long ass profile! I haven't decided what team to put them on the Bucci gang or La Squadra but they do give some squadra vibes... well what do you all think? where does this poor soul get to go???

🩸=la squadra only traits/dialogue

🤐=bucci gang only traits/dialogue

no emoji means it happens regardless, so sorry if its such a clusterfuck! once I finally decide im getting rid of the alt dialogue/traits!

Name: Katrin Kocteau

Allias (if applicable): Calamari

Namesake: The Cocteau Twins

Nicknames: Callie, Kat, Kit Kat, Gattina, Stella, Luna, Starlight, Sole, Carina, Cara, tesoro, bella, bambina, Sourpuss, Kitten

(usually used sarcastically): Comrade, ,little sister,Sunshine, Moody boobs, Boobs McKenzie, Sourpuss

Nicknames for others:

🩸Lulu, Schatz, Rubin

Big brother, comrade (gelato and calamari jokingly call each other comrades due to both being oppressed by the Soviet Union )

🤐Abba,Diamant ,gloomy fuck/blues, Leo, piss monger,

Löwe,, honigbiene, liebling, Kuschelbär, Bärchen, Schatzi, Engel, süße,

(Used in a joking/sarcastic way) Arschloch, Sonnenschein, Eselhengst, Dummkopf

Age: 25

Birthday: July 12th

AMAB/AFAB/Intersex: AFAB

Gender Identity: Agender; They/Them sometimes she/her…doesn’t correct strangers out of exhaustion

Height: 5’3 160cm

Weight: 175lbs

Handness: Left

Hair Color: Burgundy/Wine red

Eye Color: Violet

Type of Voice: soft, monotone, flat, they speak very softly with a Berlin accent. You have to listen very hard to understand them due to how softly they speak. It will go from soft valley to booming peaks when agitated enough.

Eyesight:. 20/40

Race and/or ethnicity: Caucasian; German

Hometown: West Berlin, Germany

Current Residency: Napoli, Italy

Religion (if applicable): Non practicing Christian

Moral Alignment:

🩸 evil neutral

🤐 lawful good

MBTI Personality Type (Optional): INFJ-T

Medical & Dental Health:

Dental- vitamin deficiencies in childhood causing weak teeth, many fillings and crowns

Physical- Chronic tension headaches, vitamin deficiency (vitamin D and Calcium)

Mental health:

PTSD, ADHD inattentive type, Major Depression, generalized anxiety disorder w/ panic attacks

Phobias: Claustrophobic- caves and tunnels specifically

Phonophobia- HATES loud noises and others talking too loudly

Astraphobia- related to phonophobia

Germaphobic - fears gastrointestinal illnesses the most

Socialphobic- is on edge around crowds and people they don’t know too well. Very reserved and secretive

Arachnophobia - self explanatory

Fears cursed numbers (4,13, 666)- acts a bit more covert towards it than Mista-(ex add 1 more or less spoonful of sugar to their coffee to avoid 4)

Scars/burns/birthmarks/tattoos: self inflicted cuts and scars on arms and thighs due to poor coping mechanisms

Other distinctive physical characteristics:

Criminal Record:

Murder her partner Teo in a crime of passion after finding out he was cheating for the 3rd time

Awards & Education:

General Education Diploma, Majoring in Forensic Science in University,

Excelled in foreign languages(Italian and Russian) and art class

Past Experience:

Calamari is cynical, bitter, a perfectionist, and never allows themself to be vulnerable. Any mistake they make they severely punish themself with. They lash out at themself because they believe they deserve it. Their forearms and thighs are full of scars and self inflicted cuts. They show Themself no mercy so they sure as hell aren't showing it to any of their targets. They're not your typical sadomasochist, not a masochist because they enjoy it. They don't enjoy it at all, but they believe they truly deserve it.

They always had a strong interest in the paranormal and true crime. Due to religious restrictions and profitability they dedicated their education to their forensic career. They always fixed themself to the smallest details rather than the bigger picture. Small details that are often overlooked could derail the entire case and justice for the victims could be lost. Their resolve shines the brightest when they dedicate everything they have to speak for the dead.

The corruption in the justice system and bribery infecting all the way down to their forensic team made them lose the spark and desire they had for their work. There’s nothing they could have done anyway since it was them vs the majority and they needed every lira to help pay off their exs gambling debt.

Calamari takes extra work to help pay off his debt only to find out that he was cheating on them and then kills him out of a crime of passion. Now Calamari is left with a body and heaping amounts of gambling debt that isn't theirs. They join Passione to seek protection and to pay off their debt.

Sexual History (for characters 18+ ONLY):

Teo, Her ex partner

Currently:

🩸Illuso

🤐 Abbacchio

Thoughts on love:

They’ll swear up and down that love is worthless and a waste of time. They’ll say they never felt better by themself now that her ex Teo is gone, but they’re lying to hide the loneliness. They hate kids but are very domestic and secretly want a partner to take care of physically and emotionally. They are very touch and love starved and needs the perfect partner to give them hope in humanity again even if they only learn to trust 1 person.

It takes a long time to develop a crush due to their sexuality and trust issues. They subconsciously become more mellow and obedient around the one they develops a crush on. They’ll always listen to abbacchio’s orders. They’re no brown noser but they try to be as obedient as possible. They’re secretly very submissive.

They’re only submissive to Illuso in private and only when he’s being nice. 90% of the time They’ll ignore him or berate him if he teases them. They don’t take being teased/bullied lightly. They avoid him and act tough around him because they don't want their weakness known or the fact that they would like someone that cruel…as if they aren't cruel themself-they won’t admit it-they’re a hypocrite and that their actions mirror his. The only difference is Calamari is only cruel to their targets and enemies. They give their teammates mutual respect until they do something to ignite their ire.

Sexual and/or Romantic Identity: Demisexual, Panromantic

People they like:

“I don’t like people. Nobody can be trusted.”

Calamari keeps people at arm's length but they’re not completely cold. They warm up to others after they prove they are trustworthy enough.

To tell if they like you is them allowing you to be near them. Letting you sit next to them , letting you hug them (briefly), or playing with their hair. They will also joke with you, or make dry remarks. Best friends will be allowed in their room, play video games with them, and they’ll share secrets about her past and spill tea about others. You tell them a secret as a best friend and they’ll take that secret to their grave. Once you become their best friend/and or partner they’re loyal for life so don’t betray that trust like their ex did.

🤐 Bucciarati, Abbacchio, Fugo are the ones who they trust and respect the most.

They won’t show it but they like giorno, narancia, mista, and Trish too. They took a little longer for them to warm up to. They will send sarcastic remarks and jokes their way as their own way of showing friendship.

🩸 they’re very hard to read, it even takes Risotto a split second to figure out what they’re feeling with their stone cold resting bitch face and monotone voice. They don’t hang around after meetings, so the only one who’s able to get a glimpse on how they feel is Nosey Illuso or Formaggio by spying on them.

They like Risotto and prosciutto but is heavily intimidated by them. They warm up to Pesci the quickest- Object stand users stick together.Sorbet and Gelato essentially adopted them from the moment they met, they’re friendly but they have fun making Calamari uncomfortable with the PDA. They slowly warm up to Illuso and Formaggio. Somehow they are able to find common ground with them… I wonder why- it’s almost like they can read their mind. They’re fine with Ghiaccio as long as he isn’t yelling so it’s very rare for them to enjoy his presence. Melone just disgusts them, but they put up with him for the sake of the team.

People they hate:

They’re known to hold some strong grudges. It took forever for them to forgive Mista for taking their slice of strawberry cake. They especially can’t stand children and babies because of the noise. Also isn’t a fan of yappy dog breeds.

They hate anyone who gets in the way of their goals or inconveniences them. They hate their ex due to the turmoil they dealt with because of him and hates themself for allowing them to step on them for so long.

They hate the boss because he’s an inconvenience to their livelihood and just life itself.

🩸

Nothing pisses them off more than a bunch of bootlickers getting in the way of them and the team getting the boss’s daughter to find out his identity. The holier than thou attitudes of Giorno and Bucciarati make them hellbent on wanting to set their enjoyment of humiliation aside and give them severe curb stomping.

🤐

It wouldn’t really be considered “hate” but Giorno annoys them. They thinks he’s too naive and preachy …absolutely not because They’re jealous of his natural born talent or anything, don't be ridiculous. They’re a million times more polite about it than abbacchio is. They just groan or ignore him or cuts him off with “you’re too young to understand” or “you wouldn’t get it…” “*groans*whaaaat? I’m busy…go brown nose Bucciarati instead kid.”

They didn’t care much for Trish believing her to be nothing more than an ungrateful spoiled brat. They both grew up so differently that it was hard to bond at 1st. Thankfully neither of them are that stubborn to try to understand each other.

Dreams for the future:

A peaceful life with her perfect partner. A cozy home in either Austria or Sicily with many pets and an art studio. They crave normalcy and freedom of expression.

Relationships(name a person that they have a connection to and what their relationship is like[friend, enemy, Ex, current lover, family , etc.]):

Teo- Ex

🤐Abbacchio-Current partner

Bucciarati- Confidant & Leader

Fugo- Good Friend

Narancia-Good Friend

Mista- Good Friend

Giorno- Friend

Trish- Friend

🩸Illuso- Current Partner

Formaggio- Good friend

Pesci- Good friend

Prosciutto- Mentor & Callies Secret not so secret crush

Risotto- Leader

Sorbet- Good Friend & parental figure

Gelato-Good friend & parental figure

Ghiaccio- tolerable friend in small doses

Melone- Tolerates- wishes they didn’t know him

Quotes (what do they say often? What’s their life’s motto?):

“How about you go play in traffic?”

“”Kiss concrete douche!”

“Eat asphalt!”

"Everyone shut up I'm doing _______!"

views on life “There are 3 rules in life that must always be followed:

1. If you’re going to do it right- do it right the 1st time.

2. Always be punctual. If you’re early you’re on time. If you’re on time, you’re late.

And 3. Be self reliant. Never burden others. If you have a problem- fix it. Don’t know how? learn. This is the true way of life.”

“ Do you wanna X? Because that’s how you X.”They say this phrase a lot when someone is doing something stupid or if they had enough of someone and are threatening them.

🤐“Do you wanna walk all the way to Pompeii? Because that’s how you do that if you keep trying to turn down my music smartass. YES it needs to be that loud. I’m trying not to fall asleep at the wheel. If it bothers you so much, you and Giorno take the wheel, I’m laying in the back and taking a nap. Don’t fuck up and crash the car or my geist will haunt you panna.”

🤐🩸“Were you even listening to a word I was saying? Sigh… you’re such a disappointment, why do I bother with you?..”

Disregarding a mista conspiracy theory/ghiaccio rant 🤐🩸“There’s literally not enough adderall in the world for me to listen to whatever bullshit you're word-vomiting out..”

Taunting illuso back🩸“Make you a sandwich ? How about you earn it 1st. make yourself useful and shine my boots till I can see my reflection in them. Then mayyybe I’ll even think about it.”

🩸Receiving a hit “Who’s funeral am I facilitating?”

🩸“Halt die Schnauze! Would it kill you to not scream like a verdammt banshee every 5 minutes?!”

🩸Defending their stand” Why would my stand need to be strong when it doesn’t have to? I let gravity do all the work for me and I don’t have to break a sweat. I can move anywhere I want, and don’t have to worry about anyone reaching me. It can throw you around like a lousy rag doll and you’ll be helpless to do anything about it. I don’t need to be strong to take your sorry ass down. I may need protection now and then but I’m still the queen on the chessboard. I can go and attack from ANYWHERE”

🩸Apprehensive about betrayal“I’m used to living frugally. I don’t see how 20 million lira is too little to live off of. I don’t think it’s worth going against the boss for more. We don’t know who he is or what he’s capable of.”

🩸Expressing denial and hiding their feelings “Love? Absolutely disgusting. It’s a useless feeling and only sets you up for failure. There’s nothing worse than being tied down with dead weight who will either cheat or become bored of me or I’ll be bored of them. Material goods bring me just as much happiness as an annoying man/woman ever could. I buy a new pair of boots or a handbag, get tired of them- go set them aside in my closet, and buy new ones. Wash, rinse, repeat. Your life is much less difficult when you think with your brain instead of your heart… or your balls if we’re being realistic.”

Hobbies;

Painting, Drawing, Playing Video games, clothes & shoe shopping, make up, petting cats, napping, and eating

Habits:

Is secretly superstitious. Avoids numbers that they hate, won’t open umbrellas inside, walking under ladders etc… The only exception to their superstitions is black cats.

🩸Man spreads on the couch out of pure passive aggressiveness since there’s never any room for them to sit

They have a soft spot for black cats and their cats Depeche and Muse are their pride and joy. They greeted them with open arms completely ignoring their teammates all together thinking they were excited to see them when they got back.

🩸They have a kangaroo pouch to hold them in when she’s working around the base/hideout….

🩸They love traumatizing teammates by tricking them into showing them shock sites and laugh maliciously at their reaction.

🩸They has a very dark sense of humor so it usually plays off well with sadistic or edgy teammates.

.They try to hide their smiles and giggles by covering their mouth. This habit slowly ceases once they feels more comfortable around others.

Calamari hides their red face when they’re aroused or embarrassed .

They sigh and huff a lot when they’re irritated.

They enjoy coming up with unusual torture/interrogation methods. They held a bamboo skewer up to someone’s eye, threatening to turn their eye into a kabob and lobotomise them.

They’re very diligent in working on their Italian vocabulary and accent. They get help from Fugo from time to time when they have trouble pronouncing something. Or on the hitman team…they’re stuck with Ghiaccio. Which you think would be a disaster but he’s pretty patient with those genuinely wanting to learn Italian, but that doesn’t mean he won’t have his typical outbursts.

They’ll get annoyed with him and his noise and will spite him by only speaking in German the rest of the day until he finally breaks and begs them to stop. He doesn’t know German but he knows damn well they’re talking shit about him to Illuso .

They aren’t able to physically defend themself in hand to hand combat so they are well equipped with spiked knuckles and a stun gun strong enough to take down a bear. They have a hand gun that they are taking lessons with, they’re competent but their aim isn’t as good with it as they are with their stands bow.

Quirks/Unique personality traits:

They won’t look anyone in the eye or call anyone by name directly unless they’re very close with the person.

Doesn’t announce when they’re here or when they leave. They just walk right in without saying a single hello or I’m back/here.

In the very beginning they spoke a lot like an NPC with very short to 1-2 worded answers. Once they became more comfortable with their team they said more than 2 words.

Pet peeves:

Talking over or interrupting them while talking

People acting smarter than they really are

Excessive noise (barking dogs, talking too loud, yelling , crying children, Ghiaccio , etc)

Gratuitous PDA

Not obeying rules (excluding missions)

Being late

WAKING THEM UP

Invading their personal space

Moving their things- they have them specifically where they want them

ILLUSO

Having wet hair and clothes (sensory issues )

People whispering (they’re paranoid)

Do you have a stand?(if not ignore the questions related to it): Yes, Via Black Sabbaths Arrow

Stand type(humanoid, object, drone, etc.): Object

Stand appearance (if you don’t have a picture): no set visual yet- but fantasy type bow and arrow that looks similar to a moon…Still working on it.

Stand Name: Black Celebration

Stand Range: 15 meters , 30 meters (how far stand can shoot max)

Destructive power: D(calamari must rely on gravity and their surroundings to use to their advantage. Their stand technically isn’t meant to be used in combat but their creativity has helped them and their teammates out of life or death situations)

Speed: A(variable, Calamari learns to have more control over [lower/strengthen] the suction and ejection the black holes)

Range: A(variable, how far Calamari arrows shoot)

Stamina/persistence: D (can stay inactive for an extended period of time up to 3-4 hours before activating.)

Precision: C

Development potential: A

Stand Abilities:

Black Celebrations intended role was for contingency plans and escape routes. Calamari and their stand is bursting with potential. They're full of creativity and are always thinking of ways to be several steps ahead of their enemy.

Black Hole traps: like real black holes, they are invisible to the naked eye and aren’t really black. BC can be shot to set up a booby trap for a target to unknowingly get in its range to be swallowed up and spat out another hole wherever Calamari pleases. It can stay dormant for roughly 3 to 4 hours so they don’t need to chase down their target but they can’t stray too far away from the town/city they’re in. To distinguish the difference between their target and civilians is to periodically check through the hole. Which isn’t too difficult when working on investigating targets beforehand. But these traps are basically useless if they don’t have this information, unless they stay nearby. With that, it will activate with the snap of their fingers

Chaining: This is the ability everyone relies on calamari the most . Calamaris 1st learned ability, they can take up to 8 shots at once roughly about 7-30 meters in between each hole max to get themself and her teammates out of a location. The more arrows they shoot the less they will go. It’s better to go one at a time. If they only shoot 1 it simply just takes them through the other side of something, like the other side of walls, into other rooms, vehicles, etc.

Effect beacon/ redirection: With slowing down the way BC inhales/exhales matter, it can expand the effects of certain other stand abilities or redirect them (ex Grateful Dead aging fog, Purple Hazes virus,)

Redirecting projectiles work well with their stand too (Aerosmith’s shots) though; it doesn’t work well with Sex Pistols, the sudden change in surroundings disorientates them losing control of the bullet. There’s limits to how much weight BC manipulates. It can handle roughly double their own body weight (300-350 lbs) when in the most dire situation they can transport a full sized sedan through a wall with the help of another pulling back the bow.

Remote vision: Calamari can see into any black hole at any time but only one at a time. They are limited to 7 seconds of looking in and have some time before they can do it again or else they get severe headaches.

Stand weaknesses:

No defense or ability to fight back: BC has no ability to defend itself in close ranged fights due to being an object based stand. It requires a few seconds to set up 2 portals to send their attacker away or for them to escape and sometimes they might not have that precious time.

Loss of senses: when looking into their black holes they can only sense what’s going on in the hole. This leaves them vulnerable for an easy ambush so they need someone nearby when they do this.

Low endurance: BC is fueled by Calamari’s adrenaline. Their anxiety and fight or flight response is what helps make their arrows manifest. After a long arduous fight it saps their energy and makes them incredibly exhausted and drowsy. They usually sleep on the ride after a mission, resting their head on whoever is next to them.

Battle Cry: N/A

--------------------

Favorite Band: Alice in Chains

Favorite Color: Violet

Favorite Animal: Pallas Cat

Favorite Movie: The Amityville Horror

Favorite school subject: Art

Favorite Meal:

Appetizer/Side dish: caprese salad

Entree:Sauerbraten w/ sauerkraut

Dessert:tiramisu

Drink:cappuccino

Snack: soft pretzels w/ mustard

Food/Drink Dislikes:

Garlic, sausages links(all kinds), eggs, sweet pickles, processed cheese, canned foods(excluding pickles)cream soda, root beer, mint chip ice cream, mint anything

Additional notes (any other details you wanna add about your OC?):

#jjba #la squadra #jjba part 5 #jjba x reader #la squadra x reader #my ocs #beryls fart art #la squadra esecuzioni #bucci gang #bucci gang x reader

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laprimera · 8 months

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catching up to dash since early morning is wild. but since everyones putting their two cents in lemme throw a bet in from someone who's been in poke rpc for some seven or so odd years ( hell some people have been around longer LMAO ).

I see a lot of posts focused on the individual experience, and thats great and not so great at the same time. It's tumblr, I get it. For the longest time peeps have been putting up with their time and energy being spent on the outside just to get online and want to relax. Let's not forget the mental illnesses that make energy and attention just impossible literally to do things lmao.

I love seeing people taking steps to take care of themselves. The early days didn't have carefully made boundaries and I saw so many peeps get burnt out making this a job more then a hobby, getting abused, a lot of nasty stuff but all that changed when the attitude changed. It's been so much better for everyone that way.

But I also observe the community in this .. or lack of in some ways. There's also been a lot of people leaving because of little interaction or in some cases being shunned from events that are supposedly open. That's a recent movement. I remember dash wide spontaneous events, the rpc sharing and evolving a plot that may have started from one blog before connecting so many others, raid battles with legendary pokemon that went out of control, etc!

Im not saying you can't have a circle of pals. I sure do! I'm saying have instances of being open for others to interact and get involved. I'm sure a lot of peeps wouldn't have even met their pals without having that oppurtunity to participate in something small that became something very big! This hobby is great because there's a community to share and be apart of and to deny or shun new players or even current ones who want to be part of something great is counterintuitive for a community at whole. Whether thats rb'ing memes, letting peeps comment on ic posts or dash posts, having starter calls, making aus that aren't connected to a plot so it's easier to open to new engagement, etc.

Course there's the argument of "its my X so I will say what or who goes into X" and you're right! There's a perfect balance of boundaries understood and being made and maybe opening the narrative to players who genuinely look interested and try to join who listen to said boundaries and participate fairly and with anticipation.

But more then anything make it easy to do so. I also remember the period when people would put cryptic rule passwords in their rules. Like...Im talking they broke them up, scattered them around all around their tiny text, glow up pages and if you get one word wrong theyd tell you try again....lol. We don't need that. Getting the nuisances of society is hard enough least of all for the peeps who have conditions that make this extra hard. I'm talking from someone who has an extreme case of social anxiety (doctors word for it, not mine LAUGHs) and ADHD. I don't communicate or participate like regular players. In fact I only gauge how well I can play with someone by casual one off ic back and forth first and build from there. Maybe by the third or fourth interaction Im brave enough to reach out via DMs. I literally have panic attacks and take a week to answer IMs that come out of the blue asking to participate which is just the regular thing to do in the rpc, but I literally can't do that. Sadly I've been reprimanded for trying to have casual back and forths throughout the years despite how apparent I make it that I have a very hard time going into IMs or asks without knowing you first.

We should make ourselves accessible! We talk about making front pages accessible for those hard of sight, google documents to make things easy, icons and all that but don't really talk about making the important communication between peeps accessible for people with handicaps too.

All in all this is my opinion and observation! The community changes every few years and it's interesting to see how it turns one way or the other. You dont have to listen to me or any of this really! Be as private or as open as ya like. This is after all a hobby and Im literally turning into the old man in the corner on his rocker literally and figurately.

also fuck fetish asks. that has never changed and I hate it.

#ooc. ･ﾟ ✹#tw long post #probably will delete later theres been too much ooc lately lol

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twsthc · 9 months

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scarabia angst headcanons 🌞💔

⚠️ warnings: food anxiety, self destructive behavior, possible OCD triggers, kalim

last updated: july 30, 2023

KALIM AL-ASIM 🦦

has C-PTSD from the constant threat of death

mostly gets nightmares, flashbacks, anxious, etc of when he was poisoned and kidnapped or when jamil was poisoned "for" him

has coughed up blood, has seen jamil cough up blood

really tries to hide how much it still gets him so he doesnt worry anyone

super light sleeper. a cockroach tap the wall and his eyes would fly open

has food anxiety

needs someone to test the food before he does, or he needs to know jamil prepared it or he wont eat it

after his first time getting poisoned he wouldnt eat jamils cooking either

after jamil's OB, he stopped cooking and contacting kalim and things really spiraled out of control

stopped eating/drinking anything until he was forced to

was literally bmi 0.001 until a teacher had to step in and force some goat cheese down his throat

parents would pay for material items for their kids but not therapy

i think kalim might have done some crazy shit to make his parents notice him out of the quintillion other kids they have

also he was raised by servants instead of his own mother

because of all this Mental Illness (specifically C-PTSD) he does get panic attacks, as one with anxiety disorders does

he uses pain to ground himself in stressful moments (mostly his nails)

digs them into his palms or thighs, whatever hes closer to

or he scratches himself until he refocuses

got especially bad after jamils ob. imagine the person who kept u safe and basically raising u coming out and saying he secretly hated u

me personally i would kms

probably cries himself to sleep

type of fellow to be super happy one moment then hear a sad/soft song then become svicidal (me when im having a great day then hear any song by Lamp)

JAMIL VIPER 🐍

fully believe jamil has NPD

after growing up in an environment where he was put behind everyone else, his brain desperately needed to be put first

its really hard to find good symptoms of this disorder without seeing bullshit like "10 signs your partner is a narcissist" omfg

some ACTUAL symptoms of a narcassistic disorder (for jamil):

he has poor coping skills, often projects his anger onto others, has trouble maintaining relationships, often requires praise or he might feel obsolete/depressed

too good at hiding his feelings even in shitty situations

has boiling anger issues but is able to keep them repressed (at his own cost)

after his OB, he distanced himself from kalim to process

after 2-ish weeks, they talked it out and set some boundaries

the first week jamil didnt force-wake kalim up, kalim was consistently late to all her earlier classes and struggled a shit ton with work loads

she couldnt even pick out her own outfits without jamil going "that ones fine, now hurry up" every few seconds

had to establish that kalim needed to learn how to live without jamils coddling

kalim agreed ofc but still felt a little lonely without her usual schedule

also has anxiety from being poisoned, and still has lingering memories of being so worried when kalim was kidnapped

i also think jamil has OCD :3

"if i dont do ABC then kalim with XYZ"

has other impulses (flicking lights on and off, needing to feel "even" on both sides)

i hope someone w ocd reads this and understands wtf im talking about

when someone steps on your foot so you have to step on the other one or youll throw up because you dont feel the same amount of pain on both sides

#twisted wonderland #twst headcanons #kalim al asim #jamil viper #scarabia #angst #ocd girlies wya #twsthc

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appleatcha · 5 months

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Its been very, very rough. I can't bring myself to be open with the one or two people I speak to about how bad it is. If you speak to me regularly and see this, well here's my admission of guilt. I'm doing way worse than I let on.

Almost every day for a week now I write messages and record audio messages of me talking about how im really doing. But then I just delete them. I don't see a point in sending them. I feel like it would just feed into my anxiety and stress more.

I've cried at work every day this week. Over stress of life. My son struggling, myself struggling, the house being messy, the cats, it all. My main concern is my son obviously. I put spending time with him and making sure he's taken care of before anything else. But I just feel so overwhelmed. I'm constantly rushing all day. Except at work. At work I sit with nothing to do most of the time right now, and im left to sit and marinate on everything.

My brain is so stress-logged that I've made dumb mistakes at work, forgot to take the trash out for garbage pickup, left my water on top of the car today and ended up breaking my cup when it was launched off my car when I moved, forgot my sons bookbag at home and was nearly late for work rushing to get it to him.

If I let myself think about it, I crumble. And nobody wants to hear it. My friends who grew up with my husband and me aren't close enough to me to care. My husband's close friend just says "I wish i knew what to say".

The place my husband worked and died is right behind the Walmart where we live now. My son and i stopped and went inside the gas station beside it yesterday. The only time I'd been In there was with my husband. When we got back in the car I started to cry.

I feel like people think I should be angry and hateful and not care about him anymore. And I am angry. I do have days I think "fuck you". But its just not that easy. I loved him and I have no clue what was really going on in his mind. I can guess and have feelings but I just will never know.

In a recent video, Peter Monn was talking about addiction and helping people through it and he said "love isn't enough. If love was enough, there wouldn't be 12 step programs or detox programs or suboxone". And something about it just clicked in my head. And I think of my husband saying "this isn't worth being sober". Maybe what he was meaning to say was "love isn't enough."

I'll never know. I don't know if ill ever be able to open my heart to another relationship ever again. Part of me is desperate for it, part of me is desperate to stay away forever.

But the main thing is that my mental health is not great. It's not even this grand loud, chaotic energetic bad like it usually is. I'm not having full on panic attacks, telling my friends about what I'm feeling. It's a silent, calm drowning. Which I can't say I've ever experienced.

I'm not suicidal or anything like that. I could never do that to my son. I want to keep going. It's just really fucking rough. And I don't think people who are getting upset at me not responding or being active really grasp that. I can see a light at the end of the tunnel, but its such a hard and treacherous path to that light. In my worst moments, I fear there is no light. That its all just ruined. But right now, I don't think that's true.

Its hard to imagine that January or even May were the same year as today. January, celebrating my one year marriage anniversary, working as a housekeeper. March, a housewife knowing something was up with my husband but not knowing what. August, an unemployed widow unsure of what happened, and December, a working single mom who happens to have been widowed, with more answers but also more questions now than I did the day he died.

Trying to take it moment by moment

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mugiwara--ya · 23 days

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I've been applying to jobs like crazy for months and months and months and every interview feels like this time its finally gonna happen and when it doesn't i just feel this crushing fucking hopelessness and i try not to get discouraged and stay positive etc but. god.

right now im super sick and i took the day off to rest and i keep feeling guilty that im not using every waking second to look for a job. i feel like i should start taking commissions but i KNOW i cant commit to it. i could work on graphic design but they fucking kicked me out of school after nearly 2 goddamn years of them wasting my time so i dont even have a degree and i dont even want to look at my apps n tools most days bc of the sheer fucking burn out im in. i could post the tons n tons of finished art i got collecting dust on my folders and maybe maybe maybe get some tips from it but i simply cannot move past my anxiety so i just dont. i wanna do so much stuff but im paralyzed bc my absolute priority is to find a job that can get me out of here and i literally cannot think of anything else. i feel ungrateful all the goddamn time bc at least i dont have to worry about food bills and a roof over my head.

i am 28 years old and 100% dependent on my family. i don't and WON'T have a degree. i'm chronically ill. i've been on psych meds for about a year and while mentally ive literally never been better, i'm dealing with the consequences of 27 years of untreated adhd, undiagnosed autism, several mental illnesses, plus extremely fresh and violent trauma from the massive fires where i live and i keep fucking having nightmares and panic attacks over it and its been like two months and i'm so fucking tired. i have next to no work experience and my last "real" job was on 2015 so i have to bullshit my way through interviews and so far no one has fucking called me back.

im just complaining rn bc fuck its getting real fucking dark over here but rn im just worried sick about my partners. they're living together at the moment and they can barely get by. i already reblogged their donation posts and i'll make one linking to them just for idk reach or whatever so please if you read til here wait for that post to go up and please please please help them so at least i can have that peace of mind, if nothing else.

#vent /#sol.txt

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toonfinch · 2 months

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this is all i will be saying about the matter because this is stupid as fuck. its a bit long but its mostly for me, not for others to read. but feel free to.

i deleted my post on r/badroommates because i got sick of arguing with idiots online and havent responded to anything because reddit temp banned me for calling myself slurs im allowed to say lmao. im gay and trans. this will go on reddit when i am unbanned. for now it stays here.

i am paying rent, i owe my roommate, u/azzyisjazzy zero dollars. he did cover two months for me because i lost my job and struggled to find a new one, then when i did it lasted like a month because the temp agency ran out of work for me to do. he knows this btw hes just a liar. he heard the phone call because it was on speaker. but i paid him back completely and have paid our most recent bills with zero issue. i am literally at work while writing this. i am on track to make rent just fine. when i said i have $10 its because i had to buy warm weather clothes because i have none. its been hot.

the way he describes my suicidal ideation is making everyone think i do this repeatedly, i did it once. on my tumblr blog, i was not thinking about how it may hurt people, when azzyisjazzy and his friend, u/dizzy_elk_6491 and my friend all had a conversation about it, nobody acted concerned, azzyisjazzy only told me that if i were to actually hurt myself and he never reported it he may lose his job. he was never concerned about me lol. either way, i realized that watching people be suicidal is stressful and i also didnt want to be forcibly hospitalized so i nuked my blog so i can vent safely. i am not suicidal at all and havent been for a while, by the way. interestingly, current roommates friend dizzy_elk_6491 has threatened suicide when things didnt go his way before. he threatened suicide when my friend wanted to break up with him. later my friend found out that dizzy_elk_6491 had been lying about his boundaries in order to keep my friend in a relationship. he did not ignore boundaries whatsoever, there were none said. also, they were literally stupid teenagers.

azzyisjazzy was cool with sharing groceries until suddenly he wasnt, i did not have enough money at the time to also buy the same amount of things he was. we literally went shopping together several times and he told me to pick things out so obviously i thought it was fine? he just sucks at telling people when hes bothered. if he didnt suddenly lock the fridge just as i got a decent job (i was saving up money to pay him back for everything, i still could not afford a substantial amount of groceries) then id have replaced everything i ate. which was like....eggs and milk and coffee. i was mostly eating my own food lol. he ruined all the food i had in the fridge at the time which probably comes out to the amount i owe him for what i ate so ill call that fair.

i do not have bipolar disorder, i do not know where anyone involved got this information. i was on lithium, but it made me worse. gave me worse anxiety and made my eyeballs twitch. not exactly a medication that works. i tried several medications that did not work. i was also accused several times by past roommate, u/finchsexroomate and their friends that i have borderline personality disorder. i thought i might but several doctors told me otherwise. so far the only mental issues im pretty sure i have is major depressive disorder, autism, anxiety, and ocd.

intensive outpatient therapy also did not work, i was having panic attacks every morning because it was not the type of therapy i require.

currently working on getting insurance so i can get trazodone, which works. because i am diagnosed for major depressive disorder. the doctors asked me the pointed questions clearly about bipolar disorder but i dont have manic and depressive episodes. on the other hand, azzyisjazzy has said he is manic. maybe he meant it in a quirky way, but whatever.

i...didnt get mad at azzyisjazzy and his friends for not learning sign language? i dont know asl. i brought it up once or twice as a "wouldnt it be cool if we all learned together" situation, because im deaf and my hearing gets worse monthly. the only sign i was aware anyone knew was when azzyisjazzy and dizzy_elk_6491 said something that contained the words "eat orange" at each other over and over. that doesnt exactly indicate to me they are at a conversational level. either way, i was not "expecting them to communicate in a language i do not speak" lol.

i never threatened a damn thing about the dog. i said she was stressing me out so bad she was triggering my ocd. ocd can cause intrusive violent thoughts. they are not desires, they are based on things you DONT want to do. they are INTRUSIVE. i felt unsafe because the thoughts were so distressing and i could not banish them from my brain. the fact that azzyisjazzy is graduating from nursing school and doesnt understand this is concerning. i thought i biked over a snake this morning and started crying before i saw it move. i threw it in someones yard so it wouldnt get run over. i don't even like hurting bugs. i got mad at azzyisjazzy for making jokes about killing crickets in the house. maybe i am sensitive, sure, judge me how you please. but that doesnt exactly indicate an animal abuser does it?

also, me being a furry and objectumsexual (attraction to objects) has literally nothing to do with anything. its funny, because my azzyisjazzy has told me he pretends to be a dog during sex multiple times. also, he is a furry. or at least was. his fursona is/was a deer. not judging, obviously, its just hypocritical. is it weird? YES. is it harmful? NO. on top of this, azzyisjazzy had me walk the dog a few times after i had said those things. clearly he was not very concerned then. im sure he knows better and is just making shit up to hurt me.

now i don't remember much about my previous living situation with finchsexroomate because i was traumatized and the order of events and details are all mixed up and blurry. i moved in because i was in a motel with my drunk father and (thankfully normal) brother for two years. i was being paid to take care of them, but i wasnt equipped to do so because of my mental health issues. that were being exacerbated by finchsexroomate's reactions to my tone of voice...or something? they would react in ways that freaked me out like getting an attitude or yelling at me. i didnt react well to this which was entirely my fault, causing arguments. this happened a lot. idk why its so hard for anyone involved to understand that we simply did not mesh well together. azzyisjazzy and finchsexroomate have very similar communication styles, or lackthereof. it makes sense why i dont get along with both of them. they suck at communicating boundaries.

it took finchsexroomate months to tell me my tone of voice was upsetting them. they also think i was frequently stewing in anger next to them to hurt them when maybe i was a little annoyed at something and not putting in a ton of effort to look cheery while like...watching tv. or something. every time there was an incident like this, me moving elsewhere was brought up. i was living in a motel for two years before this. you have to be literally stupid to think its easy to find anywhere to live in this economy. obviously did not react well to this and yes it triggered suicidal episodes. but im not unstable if my housing and food and such else is taken care of. now that i have a stable job and can afford everything i need i am perfectly fine. just a bit stressed.

for some reason finchsexroomate thinks i was in love with them and trying to drive a wedge between them and their husband? lol? i said their husband was hot like twice. hes a hairy bear? come on now. theyre just being freaks because im polyamorous. if i had a crush on either of them theyd know, because that is something i hate keeping inside even if i know telling someone will go nowhere.

our living together ended when one night we were watching tv and somehow the topic of my date the next day came up, and finchsexroomate reminded me that our other roommates who would normally take over care when i am gone would also be leaving, so i didnt want to leave them in the house alone or worry about what time i had to be home since i would not be the one driving. i announced id reschedule my date and this upset finchsexroomate so bad that they started yelling at me. i only remember the part where they started yelling fuck you over and over again after i was like dude. its like fucking midnight. we can deal with this tomorrow. their reaction freaked me the fuck out and i did what everyones demonizing me for.....taking the torch we smoked dabs with and brushing it on my wrist for less than half a second, turning it off, and putting it on the table. and then sitting there. finchsexroomate was more at risk of burning the house down than me because i saw them drop the torch while it was still spewing flames twice, and they told me it happened once while i was not there. lol. was my reaction smart? no. did i "try to burn the house down with people inside"? no.

last thing about them, after they kicked me out and gave me zero chance to grab any of my belongings forcing me to pay an exorbitant amount of money for shipping that i could not afford, i said fuck it. they dont deserve my money after all of this. its not like i could just fucking drop almost $800 on it. later when the hurt started to go away i decided id put aside money and then give it all back when ive collected enough, but um. not doing that now lmao.

between then and now i was living with people my dad knew. one of them regularly assumed everything in the house was my fault such as leaving hard water spots on dishes and several times the freezer door was left open (not by me) so he tried attacking me about it and had to be held back by two people. this happened twice. i was also threatened by one of the residents because he was abusive to his girlfriend and i almost pepper sprayed him about it. it got to the point where i had to get a motel room a second time to avoid being hurt. and of course after this is when azzyisjazzy and i started talking.

anyway back to the present. azzyisjazzy thinks i was...listening to him and his bf my first night here just bc i was quiet? i thought they knew i was here lol. i literally cannot eavesdrop. i can hear loud talking and music and dog barking and dog nails on hardwood in my room. sometimes i can hear noises but that doesnt mean i understand what the noises are. at this point im convinced everyone thinks im faking my deafness. do i need to show everyone how scarred my ear drum is? that also has a hole in it?

and i guess this all got worse because i chose to stop being very close friends with all of azzyisjazzys friends. they were a lot of energy. i avoided them a lot because my idea of a good time is being quiet and doing a task together or watching tv or going to the park to look at critters and plants or something. i still tried, i was an audience to their musicals in the kitchen. and hung out when i was able to handle their energy, which was rare. azzyisjazzy thinks i was avoiding his show because i hated him when in reality i was busy with things i felt were more important such as my friend's mental health. azzyisjazzy even told me it was fine and that he understood. i also felt that none of them liked me very much anyway, so i just kind of stopped trying. i know one of them hated me because i got mad at him for making kill all furries jokes in the discord server we were in, and several times after that he would criticize my friends and i for stupid bullshit like putting in the announcements channel to not put chunks of food in the sink that does not have a garbage disposal in it.

the reason there are horses all over my walls is because azzyisjazzy heard gunshots and we were discussing whether or not we should call the cops in the discord server. my friend and i said no because theres no way to prove which direction it came from so on top of the cops not being able to do anything, we have black neighbors that might be questioned. furry hater guy said what does their race have to do with this and i dont remember what i said after it but he sent a horse emoji which is a reference to the meme of a horse standing at the sea with the caption "MAN" and i felt it inappropriate so i muted him for 10 minutes.

so the time my friend told someone to kill themselves? he had almost gotten hit by a car, and said "kill yourself for real" about the driver. furry hater guy got mad at this and said no suicide jokes. i misinterpreted it as another baseless criticism and told him to shut up. i was wrong for this and apologized, and later decided to just leave the server because i wasnt having fun in it anyway.

idk where to place these things in this giant block of text so theyre going at the end my friend and i used the dining room table to do crafts which is why azzyisjazzy bike locked the chairs. okay...ill just get my own i guess? he has threatened to put cameras up in the house which i am fairly certain is illegal because i do not consent and it would violate a reasonable expectation of privacy in the state of Missouri. also azzyisjazzy and i both agreed that nudity is not an issue, and when i am alone in the house sometimes i dont have a shirt on. i am a trans man, i have tits. that's inappropriate and once again im fairly certain that is illegal. missouri is a one party consent state so the only circumstance where recording me would be okay is if one of whoever is in the video or audio consents, such as if azzyisjazzy and i had a conversation. he could be the one to consent. but he doesn't say use his big boy words at me anymore so that wont happen. weve said a total of maybe 5 words to each other in the last month. i text him sometimes and he pretends not to see it but i know he does because he thinks me telling him his post got removed was bragging that i reported it. maybe my friends did? i dont control them. lmao.

hes also told my friends that me simply living here is an "escalation" and that if i continue to live here "things will get worse for me" those are threats. genuinely convinced that he knows a lot of what he is saying is made the fuck up or stretched truths just so "things will get worse"

btw, im not the one abusing the dog. she gets one walk a day and is barely played with because of how much azzyisjazzy works. all she does is sleep all day and bark out the window and piss on the couch and the floor and chew up shit azzyisjazzy leaves around the house, like a plastic tape dispenser. those plastic shards might be inside her stomach, by the way. that can and has killed dogs. many times.

i dont know what else to say. this is getting way too long. i certainly feel better after writing it though.

i may or may not respond to comments. i dont really feel like proving myself to a bunch of redditors, but considering these lies might follow me around for a while especially because finchsexroomate posted my FACE????? glad i look extremely different now (thanks hrt) and was wearing a mask lol. what sort of fucking insane behavior. i kind of wanted to post webcomics online, so i felt it necessary to do a bit of damage control. of course, all sides to this is mostly he said she said, so this only helps so much. but i said my truth, and ill stand by it. omission of details is because i forgot. this has been all over the last two years. my memory is shot because i got covid the first time i was in the motel and the repeated trauma hasnt helped. if someone brings up a good point i will respond to it.

anyway. ill move out when im able to. get the fuck over it.

good fucking lord.

im going to go do literally anything else more productive than this. get a new hobby. make a fursona and maybe youll feel better. fucking weirdos

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transenbyconfessions · 1 year

Note

this is my first time submitting something here, i've been reading them for a while though.

i am an afab nonbinary (?? maybe transmasc ??) teen. i bound for about a year, I used gc2b because at that point the quality info wasn't well known. but now, im pretty sure i've injured myself from binding. and i didn't do anything wrong too. that's honestly the most annoying thing out of all of this: i followed all the rules, i was careful, i listened to my body, and still, i got hurt. on-and-off I have had some pain for the past few months (i stopped binding in about december/january) for a while, i thought the pain only happened when i ran (which i don't like and also gives me panic attacks). so for the most part i avoided running and would stop when i could because of pain. anyways, the pain had mostly gone away until a few days ago. i am still pretty confused about why its randomly getting worse, but its definitely injured somehow. this all ends up mattering because of what happened yesterday. so i'm a climber, which at my school has just started to be recognized as a varsity sport. my "coach" got all mad at me yesterday for asking to not run because i was in pain already, and running makes it worse, also i wasn't mentally there and capable to run. i tried explaining and it just made it worse. when you tell him something he doesn't want to hear, he gets really mad and defensive. i normally wouldn't have too much of an issue with this except for this is one of my closest friends dads. and he was so different last year, when my friend was here. anyways, thats just relevant for the story in my brain. i am just so mad that this happened and that people aren't listening to me and believing what i'm saying because it isn't as visible of an injury (like with mental illness too).

TLDR, i know i need to go to the doctor about this, but i have a new doctor who I've never met and and i don't want the first conversation with her to be super vulnerable and shit because i have really bad anxiety. if anyone has any suggestions about how to explain binding injuries to medical professionals, that would be great. obviously there isn't much research about trans healthcare (especially because i'm in the USA). also, if anyone knows anything about other good binder companies that are sensory friendly, i would appreciate suggestions.

thanks for letting me talk about this <3

Submitted March 28, 2023

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menalez · 1 year

Note

If you don't mind sharing advice-

I have read about the way you have struggled with mental health and I am sorry about that :/

But you're also studying everyday. So could you advise me on how to study while being mentally ill?

Ik our experiences might not match. But everytime I try I am able to study for 1 or 2 hours properly max. After that I end up getting a panic or anxiety attack. I also feel hollow and sad all the time and not have desire to do anything but sleep. And I keep finding myself reading the same thing again and again or taking longer than usual to achieve a goal.

Do you know how I could deal with that?

tbh i get moments like this too. it sounds like youre really stressed. i usually try to make studying enjoyable and reward myself when i got through some parts. so like today, i motivated myself + made it so i can enjoy studying as much as possible doing the following:

listening to music that hypes me up / motivates me & helps me focus while studying

taking short breaks in between

sometimes talking to myself and explaining to myself out loud if im struggling to understand sth

once i finish a section, i reward myself by using my phone for example. for you, it might be sth else, like idk having a food you really like. going outside and enjoying the sun for a bit. whatever it is that is comforting and can push u 2 go further would be good imo (its hard to balance with using ur phone personally speaking bc u can get carried away n lose track of time)

reading out loud in general helps

writing down notes and then rereading them. writing them nicely also feels good so it helps me feel a bit better

sometimes watching videos about the topic can help if im struggling to focus when reading

writing a to-do list but rly breaking it down step by step. ticking stuff off the list is a good motivator

making sure to distinguish between what you NEED to do and what you WANT to do. extra things are extra, things without deadlines dont need to be done until the end

if sth is too difficult, i make note of it and come back to it later.

if ur struggling to focus, take a break and do sth that will help remotivate u and bring ur attention back

also its good to study while ur body is alright like, ur not too hungry or thirsty etc. i know thats basic but sometimes when ur busy u neglect urself

relating to point 12... also doing small stuff like a shower, washing ur face, etc can help u refocus, feel better, and get u more in the zone. at least for me

but tbh a lot of what ur mentioning to me sounds like chronic stress or some sort of stress overload.. is there a reason u can pinpoint as to why youre having these reactions? if youre in university or school, is it possible to receive disability support? when i was in university, i was provided with disability support which involved me seeing a woman 1-on-1 every week and we'd talk thru my achievements + what id have to do next n shed help me manage it better basically. i know they provide various accomodations depending on what ur specific issues are. so if ur school or uni has some sort of support for disability, seek it out. theres nothing to lose rly and u could rly benefit from it if u do gain sth from such a visit.

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hijinxensues · 1 year

Text

The Cloaking Brooch Dilemma - Part 8

RotTMNT Donatello x OC!AFAB

Synopsis: Donatello considered himself, nay, deemed himself the greatest mind of his generation. He was known for his skills as a scientist, inventor, engineer and was a technological genius. Dare he throw in that he was a damn good brother and held the title of being ¼th ‘Protector of New York City’.

He could barely fathom that he didn’t piece together that the pretty barista he was falling for was simultaneously his gaming buddy (might I add, for the last eight years) and was working for Big Mama.

At this very moment, Donatello was sure of two things in his life. One of them being his life was a joke and the second being that he was fraternizing with the enemy.

All because he decided to run errands whilst donning his cloaking brooch.

Warnings: Aged-Up turtles, fluff, Half-Yokai OC, AFAB OC (does use she/her/they pronouns in writing), swearing, light angst

FIRST

Ch 8 – Magenta

Despite your best efforts to convince Donnie to stay as the night closed in on the both of you, he politely declined saying that he’d make it home and that he was absolutely tougher than he looked. While he didn’t give off ‘string bean’ vibes, Donnie was very lean; you made a mental note to start feeding him more.

After ensuring he got home safe and bidding him goodnight, you cleaned up after yourselves and made yourself comfy in your own bed.

letty: not to give you a big ego or anything, but its like super lonely without you here lmao also vacuum up after ur rabbit fur ffs, why I also gotta clean up after YOUR shedding

gigi: my ego is so fucking large right now, also I pay for most of the groceries so. u can deal w the shedding ty bb

gigi: i will admit that i, too, have separation anxiety LOL its too late for me to make it over there

letty: donnie mentioned something about ‘portal magic’ or whatever being pretty common amongst yokai, maybe make urself useful and learn some, or better yet find someone who can do it for you

gigi: got, it will find hot boyfriend to portal me to ur place. Bc that’s SO easy. Also how was loverboy tonight?

letty: OMF I had a panic attack and then we like…semi cuddled or smth? Our shoulders were touching EEEE

gigi: THE SHOULDERS BABE!! youre ridiculous lmao im going to bed now, will swing by idk whenever ill just show up, night lov u bb

letty: ya whatever u got a key. that u got cut for yourself lmao

letty: NIGHT love u too

You rolled your eyes and made yourself into a little burrito before tucking your phone under your pillow and settling in. Having Donatello actively in your life the past few weeks was a bit of a whirlwind, getting past the initial shock of it all, the two of you established a bit of a routine and fallen into a rhythm. There were evenings where you had night shifts or he was just busy with family, but you’d made time to video chat or text almost all hours of the day and then to see each other at least every few days, schedule permitting.

Were you two…seeing each other?

No, that would be ridiculous. The prerequisite of two or more people seeing each other with romantic intentions would be that all parties would be in consensus to said suggestion prior to moving forward with it. On top of that, all parties would also have to be honest…guilt gnawed at you your hand finding it’s way to one of your ears and tugging gently. The ‘Cloaking Brooch Dilemma’ would have to be addressed sooner or later, but when? It felt like too much time had passed to just casually bring it up. Would he think you’re a liar? Worse, would he hate you for lying by omission? You should’ve just made the reveal the same night you found out he was using ‘Othello’ as an alias.

Sighing, you closed your eyes and let sleep take you. It was a problem for another day.

You hadn’t heard much from Donnie during the day, (he did have other obligations than answering your text messages back, unfortunately). Wiping the counter down at Rendezvous, you get a ping on your phone.

gigi: we out of milk can u get some on the way home plz

letty: we?

letty: WHOS ‘WE’? you and me? U don’t live there

letty: u fucking moocher

letty: also yes lactose free? venmo me bitch

After receiving a thumbs up emoji from your rabbit counterpart, you focus back on tending to the coffee machine and cleaning up. There wasn’t much longer to go until your shift here was done, you’d get a little bit of a break then you’d have a shift at the Grand Nexus. Making a mental note to put up milk in between your jobs, the telltale ring of the door goes off making it known someone’s come in.

“Hi, welcome to- oh, hey! It’s been a while!”

Your hands make quick work starting a latte for him and grabbing a cinnamon bun. You give him a once over which causes you to pause your rapid muscle memory. Your regular normally wore a black mask to cover his nose and mouth but he was without it today and you were met with a very familiar shade of green and purple. The purple clad individual was sans his goggles and in place a black beanie, but with his drawn-on eyebrows on his purple bandana, this was without a doubt, the terrapin who you’d had, not one but two, run ins with at Tio Huesos’. He looked so casual bundled up in his coat, faux fur lined the hood, his bottom half in well-worn dark grey sweatpants and then boots with dark purple socks poking out the top.

Thinking back to the other times you’d seen him previously, how have you not recognized him sooner?

You honestly weren’t sure how to feel, he’d always been a quiet and well-behaved regular. He’d never given you a hard time and had always given a nod or a half curtesy smile before heading out with his goods. Frustration brewed in your chest thinking back to all his attitude outside the Rendezvous walls.

“Hello,” his voice cracked, he smoothed over his neck with a hand and cleared his throat, “Salutations!” he tried one more time with a nervous chuckle and an awkward smile. You were almost tempted to think he was cute. Almost. “Tonight is an exceptional night for a stroll and a coffee, don’t you think?”

This was a very different version of the turtle you previously had run into with your rabbit ears equipped. Thinking back, he was much more nervous now than you’d ever seen taking in account the times he’d come by the coffee shop over the years, and he’d never previously tried to initiate small talk with you in the past.

“The same as usual, right? I’ve already got it going.”

He deflates, smile quickly replace with a tight-lipped nod. Eyes darting everywhere but your own as he paid for his order. He shoved his hands deep into his pockets as he stiffly made his way to the other counter to wait for his order.

Holding back a groan, you got his order ready, guilt seeping into your bones as your curt response wiped the smile off his face. He does have a pretty smile. Biting back a scowl you mentally reprimand yourself for thinking any boy with pretty eyes that paid you any attention was cute.

“Ah, sorry sir,” you start slowly, “just having a long day.”

You slide over two cinnamon buns instead of one, “An extra for you on the house.” Twirling a bit of hair around your finger, you tug lightly and offer as bright of a smile as you can muster to turn the mood around.

The terrapin almost fumbles his coffee cup as he puffs his chest out with a newfound confidence. ‘Oh god, there he is’, this energy was what you associated with him at Tio Huesos. He was but a shade away from exuding an air of arrogance.

“But of course! I did not at all take the pervious interaction personally in any capacity! Ha ha!”

Two things were made instantly clear to you.

1) Purple Turtle was a shitty liar.

He pulls a giggle out of you, and you catch his grin widen marginally as his fingers clench and adorably thrum on the pastry box.

2) You were too soft on Purple Turtle. (Note to self: Be an asshole and commit to it.)

He glances down at your nametag, and the gesture oddly reminds you of Donnie, “Violet, have a good evening.”

“You as well, sir.”

The terrapin struts out of the shop quickly and with purpose, a bit of a bounce to his step a stark contrast from his more subdued and jittery movements coming in. You almost miss him fist bump the air as he turns the corner and is out of sight.

‘You’ve been invited to ‘Girls Night!’ group chat’

Rapid pings happen on your phone as April, Sunita and Usagi spam the text thread. Quickly, you put the group chat on mute and save both girls numbers into your phone. Pocketing your phone to clean up after your mess you made another mental note to try your best and actual conversate and cultivate new relationships with Usagi’s other friends.

The rest of your shift goes by uneventfully and your co-worker comes in to relieve you as you clock out. Waving them a goodbye, you gather your things and head home to rest up before your night shift at the Grand Nexus.

Your apartment is rabbit-less when you enter, and you put the milk away in the fridge. Your nose twitches as you walk around the space, ‘I probably just missed him’, your sense of smell was slightly heightened post-mutation and you didn’t put it to use often but it was useful when needed.

‘125 Missed Messages’

Snorting you press the record button to record a voice note, “Hey girlies, sorry was at work. Just got home, but also going to head out to work again in a little bit. Uh, got the milk, Gigi. Also, lets plan for hanging out? I can host, my space is small, but it’ll be cozy! Hope yall don’t mind rabbit fur- Gigi is shedding.” Letting the voice note send, you prep another, “Also, 125 missed messages!?”

A voice note from Usagi pops up, “Venmo’d you for milk. Yes, catch up on the chat while you get ready for work. I’ll swing by later, probably? Love you.”

April: yall are too cute!! reminds me of my siblings but much less violent and annoying

Violet: LOL, how many u got?

Sunita: she has like, 4 brothers.

Four!? That would make April one of five siblings, in this economy? In New York City?! Settling into your couch cushions you catch up on your missed messages and send a few voice notes back to them.

April: okay, so girls night on Thursday? that gives us all a few days to prep and book off work!

Sunita: Already in the calendar!! SO EXCITED

Usagi: i’ll be there early to help set up the apartment

Letty: YAY okay sounds good yall, will talk later, just getting ready 4 the night shift

Getting ready you put your things together and leisurely pull out a post it-note and start writing to let Usagi know when you’d be home and to throw the garbage out when he got in. Sticking the note on the fridge, you double then triple check you have everything for your shift then set off to your destination.

“Did you ever find out what that turtle Yokai was snooping around for?” Draping yourself across the magenta chaise you play catch with yourself and a crumpled-up piece of paper. Catching the ball in your hand you make the next toss into a nearby waste basket.

The loud smack on the table startles you enough to almost slide out of the chaise.

“No, we didn’t. He was seemingly snooping around for nothing; nothing was out of place. Nothing was missing. It was virtually untouched.”

Odd, but what did you know about hero and villain affairs?

Usagi had pretty much confirmed that he was one of the color-coded vigilantes that saved the city from the alien invasion a few years back and so you were reticent to think he was doing something with malicious intent. You were very well aware through the grape vine that Big Mama was…’sketchy’ to speak plainly. If anything, ‘sketchy’ was a very watered-down descriptor of the woman.

Secretly, you hoped he got what he needed the last time so you wouldn’t need to be caught up with him again. You really did like the job at the hotel. The grandeur of the hotel used to make you feel out of place, but now it felt cozy to be surrounded by such warmth from the richness of the velvet furniture and the overdressed patrons.

The telltale flickering red light catches your attention and you let go of a breath you didn’t know you were holding, “Hello, front-“

“Intercom girl, I was hoping I’d catch you.”

How he was able to tell it was you based on two words alone stumped you.

The florescent blue clouds your vision as the line goes dead and the blue clad terrapin walks through and closes the portal behind him. A hand finds your emergency button immediately; however you find yourself not wanting to press it. Ears swiveling, you do a once over the lobby to confirm there was no other employees in the vicinity to see this. Your hand knocks over the switch for the security cameras trained on the front desk and you lie to yourself that you did it by accident.

Sticking your neck out for a stupid, blue turtle wasn’t on your to-do list today, but here you were.

“I think you already know what I’m going to say, but how can I help you?”

“You know, Intercom Girl, I can call you ‘Intercom Girl’ right? I think we got off on the wrong foot,” he flashes a grin at you that would surely make someone else swoon (but not you, purple was more your color), “The names’ Leo and I believe you and me might have a mutual friend.”

You follow his gaze to the button on your wrist to notify the staff and you guess he catches the way your eyebrows furrow uncertainly so he follows up with a, “I don’t bite, promise.”

“You’re going to need to give me more than just your name and an ominous mention about a mutual friend.” Rationally, you could guess he was talking about Usagi, given that Usagi himself confirmed the terrapins did takeout at Huesos. However, Leo could also be alluding to April or even Sunita? Though, those choices were less plausible since there was only one instance where you’d met them.

“We’re also on a time limit before someone comes down to check on me, so talk fast.” Pressing him for time seems to be the right play as he deflates momentarily as the jig is up. He glances around the same way you did before and leans in close, “So,”

“So?”

“There’s this,” he runs a hand down his face and you don’t miss the way his cheeks are dusted with pink. Gesturing with your hand for him to keep going, he refuses to meet your eyes as he continues, “Rabbit Yokai at ‘Run of the Mill’.”

You were calling Usagi once you got off the clock.

“And you’ve come to me to confirm that we’re mutuals or?”

He fidgets with the wrappings on his arms, “I’m usually much more suave than this,” he chuckles nervously and pulls at an invisible collared shirt.

“Are you? Because it looks like rabbit got your tongue.” Confidently you smirk at him with your play on words.

“I can respect that, honestly. I made an IHOP joke last I saw you so I definitely deserved that. Point is, I’m just making sure he’s safe.”

Scratch that, you were calling Usagi the moment Leo left.

“Safe? Where is he? What’re you on about?” Panic shows itself in the way your fingers go to your pocket to grab your phone to contact him. Leo’s gaze hardens as he stares down your jittery form, “You work at the Grand Nexus, who’s owned by Big Mama- one of the biggest crime lords for the Hidden City. Can’t be too careful.”

“And? Usagi’s my best friend!” your mouth is too fast for your brain and you’ve revealed the only real leverage you had against him, “Are you accusing me of putting him in danger because of my night job!? How do you even know we know each other?! I would’ve heard about you if you were important to him.”

Usagi would’ve told you if he was seeing someone, especially if it was this guy. Right?

The doubt that’s sowed into your head is blinding and doesn’t help you think straight as you press the emergency button Leatherhead gave you.

“You should go. Don’t come back.”

Leo’s gaze doesn’t leave yours, his expression unreadable, as he opens his portal and walks through.

Your apartment door almost comes off the hinges with how violently you unlock and push it open. Your rabbit counterpart yelps and flops onto the floor unceremoniously from the couch. Usagi’s has his hand to his heart, he breathes heavy and fast, “What the fuck is going on!? It’s like, 1am in the morning!”

“I don’t know, you tell me! Do you happen to know a ‘Leo’? That’s also a turtle? Because I’ll tell you what there’s probably not many of those around!”

A flash of recognition runs across his face as he catches his breath, “Well, yeah? He comes to Tio Huesos’. Why did you have to give me a heart attack, for the second time, at 1am in the morning to ask that question!?”

Tears pinprick at your eyes as you collapse beside him on the floor and recount the encounter with Leo to Usagi, bottom lip quivering and tears painting your cheeks. “Do you not trust me?” Warm arms engulf you, “Letty, I trust you with my life. Leo can get overprotective-“

“So, you do know him?!”

“I do! But like, casually? I was actually waiting to see if it’d get more serious before I outright told you.”

“But we tell each other everything.” Her admission is barely a murmur.

“We do, and I was wrong to keep it from you even if that wasn’t the intention. You know how quickly I catch feelings and I really just wanted to be sure before I brought it up this time. I’m so sorry, Letty.” Sputtering out a watery laugh you clutch at his sweater, “Lest we forget, Gerard the Frog Prince, your last ‘true love’.”

There’s a playful bat at your head and a tug on your ear, “Listen, I deserve that but also fuck you.”

The air in the apartment is much lighter as the two of you sleepily clutch onto each other, seeking warmth and comfort. Usagi reaches for the comforter and a few pillows, “We can do a pillow fort tonight?”

Wiping away your tears onto Usagi’s sweater you nod and get up to help him drape sheets over a few chairs before grabbing a few fairy lights from your bedroom to rig on the inside. You rummage for a few more comforters since you were too lazy to move your mattress and make a little den.

“Leo would have a fit if he saw this, he’d think we’re dating.”

“He knows I only like guys, but also, I definitely have to talk to Leo about whatever the fuck just happened, because you are the farthest thing from a threat. I think his family just has messy history with Big Mama.”

You snort, “Yeah, get your man babe, he’s out of control. You should also ask how he knew where to find me?”

“Well, he’s a ninja so I think he probably followed you. Maybe he’s seen us walk home together or something, I’ve brought you up very vaguely in conversation.”

Humming, you concede, that made a lot of sense, “That’s deeply unsettling. Speaking of turtles, my regular came in today and guess what? He’s the purple turtle from Tio Heusos I ran into! He didn’t recognize me obviously, but it was whack. I felt like I was in the matrix.”

“You’re kidding me.”

��That’s what I’m saying!”

Yawning you pull out your phone to see an onslaught of messages from the group chat and Donnie. You open Donnie’s text thread and start typing.

letty: had the craziest fucking day, I don’t think you’re awake but missed you today

letty: also my dishwasher is broken, can you come over and fix it plz lmao tyty my lil techie

donnie: Please do not ever call me ‘lil techie’ ever again.

letty: it’s your new rap name, but also go the fuck to bed

donnie: I missed your presence today as well and do tell me about your day later today. I am heading to bed now, but I’m glad I caught you. And yes, I will fix your dishwasher.

letty: perf, youre the best but u knew that already

‘Letty sent a photo attachment’

letty: check out this blanket fort, made it w gigi night lil techie

donnie: 3 things: Love the addition of fairy lights, fuck off and goodnight.

Usagi’s ears flop over your shoulder and you watch his even breathing signaling he’s gone to sleep already. You dim your fairy lights, get comfortable and let sleep take you for the night.

TBC

#tmnt donatello #donatello #Rise Donatello #rise of the tmnt #rottmnt #rottmnt donnie #rottmnt oc #donnie x oc #rise donnie x oc #rise donnie x reader #rise donatello x reader #the cloaking brooch dilemma tmnt #sorry idk if im happy with this chapter but the show must go on #i also know usagi and oc just snuggle a lot i am a touch starved individual #i wish my best friend was usagi honestly #the next chapter is so much better i promise

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