REFRACTED.
Changbin x reader. (a,s)
Synopsis: Changbin all of a sudden decided to stay in your house for a few days with an excuse that he needed inspiration for his music. Little did you know, he has another reason to stay with you. (21,3k words)
Author's note: I wrote this fic when I was in hiatus and deep in my feelings. Please note that this fic could be triggering, readers discretion is advised!
Content warning: Mentions sensitive topics of depression and sulcide.
"The harder I swim the faster I sink."
-
"Why are you doing there? That's dangerous," Changbin shouted as soon as he saw you standing over the ledge of the rooftop cafe.
You looked over your shoulder and your foot accidentally slipped down the wet concrete floor after the rain but manage to steady yourself in time.
Changbin nearly had a heart attack from it.
"You interrupted me from flirting with a cute guy," you complained instead of thanking him.
Changbin walked up to you and stood next to you to see you pointed to a puppy hanging out by a balcony of someone's apartment.
"Such a cute pup!" You adorably said and waved bye at the small-sized animal that started barking and waging its tail at you.
"Come on, let's get a table!" Changbin said and pulled you along with him to an empty table.
"We had a few drinks together," you began as you sipped your coffee, "and all of a sudden you want to stay in my house?"
Changbin knew that his request came so sudden and he understood why you got so taken aback by it. He just got back from months of touring a few countries and met you again a few nights ago for drinks. He had known you for years, a little after he graduated high school and a little before he became what he is now, an established musician.
"I'll pay for rent, do not worry!" He assured you.
You scoffed, "it's not about money!"
"I need to see the motives here," you said with squinted eyes as if interrogating a criminal.
Changbin shouted in a complaint, "why would I need motives? I'm not a serial killer,"
"Well, most serial killers don't need motives to kill people," you simply said as you sipped your coffee.
"Hey, be serious!" Changbin raised his voice a little louder and you were glad you chose a table outside.
"I'm serious," you said, "I don't see why you need to stay in my house. You have your own house, it's bigger and more luxurious," you pointed out the facts.
"My family is going on a vacation," he said, "you know I don't like being alone,"
"Why don't you go with them?"
"I can't. I have schedules," he answered, he knew he won you over with that.
And you knew you didn't have any say when it involved his schedules, it was fixed and unalterable.
You sighed and sipped your coffee again, "what's in it for me?"
"I'll pay for the rent,"
"You know I don't need money," you said again while rolling your eyes at him.
"I'll pay for some of your bills then," he offered.
You nodded, intrigued by his offer and considering it.
"And buy the groceries too," he made another offer.
"Okay, I like that!" You agreed right away with a slam of your hand on the table.
"And you'll get an endless supply of inspiration," he said as he cupped his face with both hands and smiled so cutely at you.
You cringed, "I'm writing children's books, not a thriller," you said.
"Hey!" He shouted at you again.
You put your hand on his mouth to shut him up while laughing, "Okay, calm down now," you said to him.
You eyed his cake and reached out for it, "Is it good?" You asked, picking up the small fork next to the plate.
"Don't let other people decide for you. You try it and judge for yourself!" He passionately said as if he was campaigning.
Your fork hovering in the air as you got startled by his words and how loud he was, "I'm about to get a taste and prove it myself!"
"That's good. Have a principle!" He beamed at you with a proud smile.
-
Changbin had visited your house twice, the first one was for a party you threw when you celebrated your first published book and officially became an author. The second time was a few nights ago, you got drunk that he had to drive you home.
He knocked on your door a few times and stood outside your door for a good five minutes. He knocked again a few times and still no answer, he had no other choice but started shouting your name.
"Yes, I'm coming!!!"
He heard you grumbling behind the door while unlocking it and pulled it open.
"You are so loud!" You yelled at him, wrapping yourself in a big white blanket.
"You just woke up?"
"Yeah, I worked on my drawings the whole night," you mumbled with your eyes half shut and stepped aside to let him in.
You sat on the sofa and lay down, hiding with the blanket.
"Can we do the house tour later?" You asked, resting your head on the armrest of the sofa.
Changbin walked around the living room and saw the family pictures hung on the wall, "I thought you were living with your parents," he said.
"Nope. Not anymore," you responded, laying on the sofa with eyes closed.
"Where are they now?"
"My sister got a scholarship and my parents think she's too young to live abroad alone, so they decided to live with her," you elaborated, slurring your words as you slowly drifted into sleep again.
"You've been living all alone these times?" He asked.
You hummed your reply.
Changbin looked at your graduation picture and probably the last picture you took together with your family because the rest were pictures of you and your sister when you were younger.
"Let's have breakfast," Changbin said then turned around to see you fell back asleep, curling up on the sofa like a napping cat.
He took the chance to walk around and see the house by himself. On the first floor, there is a living room, a kitchen, a guest bathroom, a study room or an office, he couldn't tell then he went to the backyard for a bit to see a small garden with a lot of potted plants that your parents probably left behind for you to take care of.
He went back inside and smiled as he walked past you sleeping on the sofa, you looked so cute bundled by the blanket, like a big fluffy cloud.
He went up the stairs and looked around the second floor, there was your bedroom, another two bedrooms, and a bathroom in between. He went to another room, the biggest one there that turned out to be your workroom, and got greeted by the cluttering mess of crumpled papers, pencils, paper cups, an empty glass, and food wrappers. Changbin got so infuriated to see all this despite the house looking so incredibly homey. He hurriedly went around collecting it and will do the rest once he gets cleaning equipment from downstairs.
Changbin nearly slipped on the steps seeing you standing at the base of the stairs with your hair tousled and your eyes barely open.
"Can you cook me something for breakfast?" You asked, resting your chin on the wooden handlebar of the stairs.
Changbin blinked and got quiet for a second, this shouldn't come as a surprise but he felt a little bit ashamed of admitting it to you.
"I can't cook," he innocently said.
You let out a long sigh and deep down, you knew living with him would not be easy.
"It's okay. You're rich and famous, no need to know how to cook," you sneered at him while slowly walking back to the living room.
Changbin hurriedly went down the stairs and followed you, "we can always have cereal for breakfast," he tried to come up with a solution that he, himself knew isn't the best one.
"Let's have kimchi soup for breakfast," you decided without waiting for his answer and picked up your phone.
"I want something else for breakfast!" He grumbled and sat real close to you on the sofa until you were cornered.
You ignored him and talked to the phone, "yes, I'd like to order two portions of kimchi soup!"
-
You agreed on sharing your workspace with him.
With one simple rule: no interrupting each other when working. You gave him one side of the room with the long wooden table where you put all of your finished works on it and have the work desk for yourself.
Changbin worked with his headphones on while you focused on drawing on your computer.
After a few hours though, Changbin had already forgotten the rule, the only single rule there was.
"I'm hungry," he shouted like a whining baby who doesn't know how to feed himself.
"We just had food like 4 hours ago," you said without looking at him.
"Yeah, but it's lunchtime," he said, swaying his chair side to side and the creaking sound started to annoy you.
You turned to face him and folded your hands on the table, "go to the kitchen and make yourself something!"
He whined. The annoying whine he did whenever he wants something and he knows enough that it irritates you deep to the bones.
"Let's eat something delicious out!" He said, he swiveled his chair to the window and saw the clear blue sky.
"The weather is nice!" He delightfully sighed.
You ignored him again and back to your drawing.
Curious, Changbin got up from his seat and approached you. He peered over your shoulder to see your drawing and it amazed him how you are so good at it.
"You're really good at this!" He said in amazement, this was his first time seeing you working and absorbed in it.
"What are you drawing? Is that a wasp?"
He leaned over your desk and watched you seamlessly drawing on the graphics tablet in silence.
"What did you do if you mess the drawing?"
"How do you-"
You shot up from your seat and sighed, calming yourself down then turned your head at him, "Let's go have lunch out in the nice weather!" You said through your gritted teeth.
Changbin chortled, knowing he struck your nerves and made you cave in.
You had lunch in a small restaurant near your house just within a walking distance.
"Why children's book?" He asked as you both waited for the food to arrive.
"Because," you took spoons and cleaned them up with tissues, "children are very open-minded, they're open to anything and they're not like us, adults," you explained then placed the clean spoon for him with a set of chopsticks.
"They don't hate what they don't understand."
Changbin nodded and understood that children tend to try to understand things first before deciding whether to like them or not. Unlike us adults, stubborn and fickle, we hate just because we can.
"By the way, you're paying for lunch!" You said to him with a wry smile on your face as the food arrived on the table.
After lunch and a popsicle later, you went back to continue your drawing while Changbin stayed downstairs to answer a phone call.
The dusk was falling when you decided to take a little break, you went out and looked down to see Changbin still talking on the phone while pacing back and forth in the living room.
The sight of his things cluttered on the long wooden table got your attention, you always wondered how musicians work.
You sauntered there and saw his laptop screen was opening a music mixing software on it, you didn't dare to touch it because what if you accidentally mess up his track or worst delete it?
You dragged another chair instead of his and pulled his notebook with words scrawled on it. You flipped to the previous pages and scanned the words, there were so many words scratched over, little notes on the side, random words, and alternative words.
You realized they were lyrics.
You decided to read the one that caught your attention.
"Like a streetlight, like a streetlight.
In the middle of the night, I just look bright."
Changbin decided to come right at that second and he had that loopy grin on his face, "you read it like a poem," he entered the room and sat at the end of the table at you.
"Lyrics are not that much different from poems," you propped a hand under your chin and proceeded to flip the pages of his notebook.
"They're my raps," he told you, looking at you still with that lopsided grin that became a little maniacal.
You chose one from the page and lifted it just enough, you started rapping out the words, putting on a show for him.
"Soles of my shoes cracked, a stretched out tee
a bandaid on my torn up knee would be a luxury."
You got up from the chair and started acting out the words like a rapper would do, doing it excessively just because.
"My vocal cords tear in front of the pop filter
These are all my wounds, my scars, they’re my tattoo."
Changbin burst out laughing and he started slapping the table.
"Why? I'm doing it right," you said while half-laughing and running out of breath from going all out on your act.
Changbin still cackling as well, "That's not how-"
He was unable to finish his words without bursting into another fit of laughter.
After recovering yourself from the hilarity that ensued, you closed his notebook and headed out of the room.
"Where are you going?"
Gosh, why did it feel like you were assigned to care for a child instead of taking in a friend to stay over in the house?
Yet you answered as you climbed down the stairs, "Cooking dinner!"
-
It was understandable if he can't cook.
That maybe he doesn't know any recipe or doesn't know how to prepare ingredients, maybe he helped someone cook in the kitchen before but never cooked by himself.
Maybe he's just not experienced in the kitchen.
The truth was he is completely clueless about it. He's not familiar with the names of kitchen utensils, he doesn't know how to dice an onion, and can't even tell the difference between sugar and salt without tasting it.
"Just prepare the table!" You ordered before your wrath set the kitchen on fire.
Thank God, he could at least know how to set a table and do a really good job at it.
"You know how to open a bottle of wine, right?"
It was his turn to shoot you icy glares, he snatched the wine bottle from you and rolled up the sleeve of his shirt to expose his bulging biceps.
"Is that necessary?"
"Girls scream just to see a glimpse of it. So, consider yourself lucky!" He said with so much pride at himself, oozing with confidence and you couldn't deny, that he looked most attractive when he's like that.
Changbin sat down on his chair after opening the wine then poured both of your glasses with the burgundy-colored drink and an aphrodisiac smell.
As you both sat and ate your dinner, Changbin caught your eyes and you saw that a question formed in that faint crease between his eyebrows.
"Before I came here, do you always have dinner alone?" He asked.
"Yes," you answered, then took a sip of your wine.
"Did you feel lonely?"
"Sometimes," you halted shoving a spoonful of food into your mouth to answer his question.
"What about now?"
"Pretty much the same," you shortly replied.
"Isn't it fun having me around?" He confidently said with a sly smirk dancing on his face.
"Yes, very fun!" You said with the slightest of enthusiasm, opposite to your positive response to his remark.
Changbin joined you on the sofa after washing the dishes, watching something on TV but he knew your mind was someplace far from where you were.
He sat on the opposite corner and the motion he made slowly reeled you back to consciousness, you turned your head at him.
"How's your first day doing chores?" You asked.
He scoffed, "I do chores, okay? I do everything myself in the dorm," he defended himself rather too passionately.
You chuckled and removed the cushion from your lap, put your feet up on to lay sideways, resting your head on his lap.
It took him by surprise but he tried to calm down so his leg muscles wouldn't tense under you.
"How long are you going to stay here?" You asked.
But Changbin was struggling to fight the urge not to slip his hand in your hair and softly brush it, he fisted his hands on his sides instead.
"A few weeks?" He wildly guessed. He even didn't plan on staying with you, the idea just went through his mind out of impulse, an answer to a silent cry for help.
He was ready to your complaint but he heard you sighing instead, "okay," you responded and nuzzled your head, making yourself comfortable on his thighs.
"Wake me up when your legs get numb," you said then closed your eyes.
The sound coming from the TV was muffled by his thoughts, he had been thinking out loud for the last 14 hours of living with you and how lonely you must have been living on your own. He had seen people his age living in their place but yours was different, he could see the emptiness in the space you're living in and in you.
He often found you were out of yourself, deep in your thoughts, and at times, your presence was nothing but just the vessel.
A hesitant hand reached for your head and softly brushed your hair with his fingers, so gently as to not wake you up.
You were shivering and he noticed the goosebumps on your arms raised. He hurriedly took the quilt from the end of the sofa and put it on you, rubbed over your arm to provide more warmth.
He watched over you and hoped he could ward away the bad dreams coming your way.
He heard your sniffles.
And at first, he thought he misheard it, maybe it was coming from the TV.
Then he heard it again. He hated to move, afraid that he would wake you but he had to check if it was you.
He turned your head so slowly and saw the crease between your eyebrows, crying in your sleep as if you were in pain.
It was a sad sight to see, he immediately shook your body awake until your eyes flew open.
"Yeah?" You croaked.
"I'm getting numb here," he lied, even though he would let you rest your head the whole night if you wanted to.
You shut your eyes a few times and slowly got up, "I'd better go to bed," you told him.
You sat on the sofa and stretched your hands upward, you probably felt the tears on your cheeks, which you hurriedly wiped with the back of your hand.
It was too late though, Changbin saw everything.
"Goodnight!" You said to him as you flashed him a smile, then got up from the sofa.
Changbin couldn't say it back to you, he felt something clogging, a lump of hot coal burning his throat the harder he tried to fight it from coming out.
He rarely cried, but it got him tremendously sad to see you smile for him.
-
The next morning, he found you in the backyard, watering the potted plants. Except that you were untethered from your physical body again as you kept hosing one plant for far too long it started to flood and made a puddle on the grass.
"Aren't you going to cook breakfast?" He shouted from the doorway of the back door.
You snapped awake and turned off the hose, "yes!"
You walked back inside the house and went straight to the fridge, and stood there while looking inside for something.
After a minute, you closed the fridge and turned around.
"Wait, I don't think I can cook today," you said.
Changbin waited by the kitchen counter with a glass of water, "why?"
"I have an early meeting with my agent!" You slapped your forehead for only remembering it right at that moment.
You paced back and forth in the kitchen, disoriented. Then went to one of the kitchen cabinets, "cereal of your choice and milk on the fridge!" You informed him then dashed upstairs.
Changbin spent the whole morning working on a track but the chance of not snooping around your workspace was too irresistible. He went over to your desk and checked your things. A sketchbook full of raw drawings of characters you made for the book then he flipped to the farthest back of the book, knowing that people usually wrote something there too. He found scribbles of words, a phone number, an address, then a random doodle of objects.
There was another book under it, it looked like a journal, and guessing that it must be personal, he relents from looking at it.
Changbin sat on your chair and just sat there, trying to get a grasp of what it feels like working all alone in the room.
He suddenly felt lonely and you must have been feeling this grim feeling when you worked in here by yourself.
Not that Changbin doesn't like being alone, but he mostly prefers in someone's company or vice versa.
It felt as if his body moved faster than his brain, his hand reached for his phone on the table and called your number.
The first ring, second ring, third ring... no answer.
He kept going until the fifth ring and you finally picked it up, "what is it? I'm in the middle of the meeting!" You nagged the second you picked up the phone.
Changbin let out a sigh of relief, he never knew he would be this happy to listen to your voice.
"We run out of food!" He came up with something real quick.
There was a few seconds of silence, "I'll pick you up after the meeting then we'll grocery shopping," you told him, didn't say anything else but ended the phone call.
Changbin was ready, sitting on the stairs that leads to the front door of your house waiting for you.
The sound of your car arriving jolted him up then he ran out of the gate, getting into the passenger side of the car.
You observed him as he put on his seat belt, "you dressed neatly for grocery shopping," you said with suspicious eyes.
He looked at himself, dressed in a sky blue fitted shirt and dark jeans, he thought he dressed... casual?
"What?"
Yet you still thoroughly looked at him like you were searching for something that wasn't there, then shrugged.
Changbin always dreaded when his members told him to go grocery shopping, he'd rather do the chores at home.
Unbeknownst to him, it was a fun thing to do with you.
He followed you from behind and watched you get excited over a shelf full of peanut butter.
And you seemed to enjoy doing it, you walked around the aisles of the supermarket and read the back of the products before putting them down the cart.
"Bin, come here!" You gestured for him to come over to a lady who offered free samples of sausage.
You fed him one, "How is it?"
He ate it quick and swallowed, "good!"
"Should we buy one?" You asked.
Changbin nodded.
"What a lovely couple!" The lady said.
You flashed her a smile instead of denying her remark and took another sample.
"Are you guys newlyweds?" She asked again and offered your more sample which she just cooked.
She glanced at Changbin and he glanced back at you, for a split second he saw the mischief in your eyes.
"We're actually getting a divorce," you joked but your face was so serious, that she took it quite literally.
"Oh?" She beamed with her face turned a bit dim.
"But nothing is final!" Changbin quickly added with a smile, then linked his arm with you, "we promised to do better this time. Right, honey?"
He shot you a mischievous smirk.
You returned the smirk just the same but he recognized that you were up to something not good yet again, "Oh yeah, we're planning to have a child to save our marriage because that seems to always work," you responded with a saccharine smile.
Changbin quickly took two packs of sausage, "We'll take these. Thank you!" He told the poor lady who got slightly shocked by your remark then pushed the cart to the fresh goods section.
He would be lying if he didn't enjoy that.
That little gimmick you both just did gave him a glimpse of what it would like to have a domestic life with you. You always curtly but he always knows how to soften you, and makes you laugh. He thought that is just the perfect mix.
"Why are you smiling?" You asked as you handed him a plastic bag.
"Nothing!"
"Pack some tangerines for me," you told him then put your hand on his jaw, "please, honey?" You said with a mocking tone, then laughed.
And you kept on teasing him endlessly.
"Honey, what do you want to have for dinner?" You asked as you stared at various condiments on the shelf.
"Pasta!" He answered.
"What kind of pasta?"
"Carbonara,"
You looked at him and nodded, "I'll cook you chicken alfredo pasta," you decided it yourself at the end.
You cooked him exactly what you promised and he never had it before, but he believed it was the first and the best he ever had.
"You eat so well, honey," you commented as you watched him eating with a mouthful of your cooking.
"It's so good!" His words were muffled by the food in his mouth.
He decided to slow down even though he couldn't stop eating, sipped his wine, and wiped his mouth with a napkin.
"How was the meeting?" He asked.
You sighed and your eyes slightly rolled to the back, "it wasn't a meeting. It's more like a warning for me," you answered.
"Warning?"
"That I have to release another book soon or I'm pretty much you know..." you made a slashing your neck gesture, "done!"
"It seems like it wasn't your first time," he guessed, because you seemed so calm and that only meant you have dealt with it before.
"Because the last time they did, it worked. So they do it again," you gulped down the wine in your glass until no drop left.
Changbin did the dishes again and he was washing the plates under the warm running water when you came behind him, wrapping your hands around him.
"Honey," you said to him, low and sultry.
He almost dropped the plate back onto the sink, he looked down at your hand resting just right on his chest and he was scared you would know how his heart beating out of his chest.
"I'm going to bed early," you said with your cheek pressed on his back shoulder. You stayed like that for a moment and Changbin didn't dare to move an inch, if he could, he would encase this moment forever.
You turned your head and put your forehead against his back, sighed, and said, "Goodnight!"
Then you slowly pulled your hands away from him, and the warmth your back hug provides had gone in a second.
He watched you leave and walked up the stairs, the back figure of your body walking further away from him and his feet felt like they should be following you.
And he thought why?
Why did you have to keep fueling his sweet, sweet daydream?
-
Changbin woke up the next day late with no breakfast in sight but the pale morning sun shining through the windows and the stillness in the kitchen.
He checked if you left early for a meeting like yesterday but your car was still parked outside, he went back upstairs and thought if it was okay if he let himself into your room.
He slowly swung the door open and poked his head in, saw you still sleeping on your bed.
But it seemed like you were already awake as well, you stretched your arms wide as he stood there at the end of your bed.
"You're not working?" He softly asked, didn't want to surprise you first thing in the morning.
"I don't work on the weekend," you mumbled your answer.
He scoffed.
"It's called self-care," you snickered and hoisted yourself up on the bed.
"You can go back to sleep, I'll leave!" He said, feeling bad for waking you up.
"Too late, I'm awake already," you moaned as you stretched your body while sitting on the bed.
He didn't mean to stare but the sight of your nipples poking through your camisole kept on inviting him to see, as you kept stretching causing one of the straps to slide down your arm.
You moaned again followed by the sound of the cracking on your back that made you both surprised at how loud it was.
"You never exercise, aren't you?" He accused.
"I do exercise!" You mewled, denying his statement.
"When is the last time you did?"
You got quiet, you exercised but you did remember that it was long ago.
An idea ran through his mind, "get up! Get dressed!" He ordered.
You saw the glints in his eyes that hinted at something that you sensed wouldn't be to your liking.
"You know what, I think I'll get back to sleep!" You took back your words and slumped down the bed, pulling your duvet back over your body.
Changbin hurriedly took the end and pulled it off of you, revealing your body dressed only in camisole and boy shorts. He looked at it for a few seconds before snapping himself awake then quickly shifted his eyes elsewhere, he groped around the bed until he found your ankle.
"Come on! You're coming with me!" He insisted, pulling you by your ankle and forcing you to get off the bed.
This was a bad idea.
Not entirely, the part where he made you exercise was not. What was not okay was he got to see your body clothed in tight dark leggings and sports bra, which only enhanced every curve on your body.
"Am I doing it right?" You asked, lifting the weight on the gym equipment Changbin recommended to you.
"Straighten your back!" He snapped and he didn't mean to raise his voice, it was out of concern and so was his hand holding your back, keeping you in the perfect posture.
"You're enjoying it, huh?" You snickered with a pout.
Changbin felt so caught, suddenly aware that he was looking at the beads of sweat formed on your neck and the valley of your breasts.
"Huh?" He could only say that much.
"You're enjoying torturing me," you continued.
Changbin stifled a laugh, partly relieved you didn't notice him ogling your body.
"Very much!" He playfully responded with a sly smirk.
You sighed and stop lifting, "I don't want to give you the satisfaction," you got up from the seat.
"Where are you going?"
"I'll be on the treadmill," you answered while walking away from him.
You both working out in different parts of the gym but when he found a man was occupying the equipment next to you, only then did he realize he wasn't the only one who could see you in that gym clothes.
The closer he got to you the clearer he heard you were humming to a song with your body glistening wet with sweat.
He hurriedly opened a bottle of water he had been holding and handed it to you.
You turned your head at him and took it from him, "Thanks, honey!"
Changbin hoped you said it loud enough for everyone in the gym to hear, but that was just his wishful thinking.
"Let's have lunch after!" He suggested, leaning against the treadmill while looking at you panting from the running.
"Okay," you agreed.
Changbin bought the coffee after lunch and found you were looking at the pets inside a pet shop, you tapped the glass window to get the attention of a snowy white furred cat.
You moved onto the other side to look at the brown rabbit munching on a carrot, lightly tapping on the glass again.
Changbin smiled looking at the cute interaction, it was rare to see you looking so smitten over something.
Noticed that you were being watched, you turned your head to the side and saw Changbin, "coffee?"
"Here!" He said, handing you your coffee cup.
You took it from him and didn't wait to take a careful, small sip.
"What is this?"
"Mocha latte!"
You sighed with your shoulders slumped.
"I'm right," he said, then saw your eyes rolled to the side and knew right away he made a mistake.
He started to doubt himself, "right?"
"I asked for café mocha, not mocha latte," you explained, holding the coffee cup with both of your hands, and didn't know what to do with it.
His eyes widened in a slight panic, "it's not that different!" He said even though he wasn't sure about his own words.
"It's different," you said with yet another sigh.
"I'll go get you a new cup!" He offered to fix the situation.
"It's okay, never mind," you said then started walking.
And Changbin was standing there, feeling guilty and thought you were mad at him.
Realizing he wasn't coming with you, you stopped walking and turned around, "are you not coming, honey?" You asked with your hand held out at him.
A smile rose on Changbin's face, he shouldn't have thought you will be mad over a petty thing such as getting your coffee wrong.
He took your hand and clasped it with yours, started walking hand in hand back to the car.
At night, you decided to watch a movie together and Changbin learned how to make popcorn with the microwave that night, which earned applause from you.
He got to pick the movie because he gets picky when it comes to movies and you didn't usually like serious movies, but that night, you were up for anything.
You didn't expect him to choose this kind of movie in the first place.
You rested your head on his shoulder and ate popcorn from the bowl on Changbin's lap. Not long after, you were both immersed in the story and the popcorn was long forgotten.
This was nice, he thought.
It was strange coming from a person who doesn't like staying still, but he liked staying like this with you, sitting next to each other, sharing a blanket, and laughing at the same part of the movie you were watching together.
This was more than nice, it was comfortable, and felt like home.
After you went to bed, he went to the workroom and sat against your desk. He braved himself to read your journal, he had been fighting the urge to not read it but it seemed that he failed. He knew reading it means he invaded your privacy, but he swore to himself he was just concerned for you.
He flipped to the recent pages and saw the last entry on that day's page, you wrote a simple sentence.
"Warm embrace"
It got him wondering as to why you only wrote these two words. He flipped to the previous page to see what you wrote on the other dates on the journal, they were pretty much the same. The words written on it were random things.
On the previous day's entry, you wrote "sausage" and two days before that you wrote "streetlight" and he kept on flipping the pages to get a clue on why you wrote them.
"Cute puppy"
"Chopin's Nocturne"
"Blue sky"
"Spring rain"
"Foam on my coffee"
"The water fountain"
"Carnations"
"Yellow raincoat"
The more he read the more confused he got, he sort of gave up at the end and closed the book. He put it back where you placed it, right under the sketchbook, and felt even more puzzled than before he read all that.
-
He heard a ruckus at the crack of dawn and he jolted awake thinking it was an intruder trying to get into the house. He silently made his way out of his room and found you looking for something in the small pantry next to your bedroom.
"Did I wake you?" You asked with a grimace.
"What are you doing?" He asked, slightly drowsy and confused.
"I'm trying to get something," you answered then pointed to a box on the top of the shelf, "I need that box!"
He walked up to you and looked up at the small brown box, "what's that?"
"Just something from my teen years," you shortly replied sparing him the details.
"Can you get it from-" you paused as you saw him standing there, "Never mind! I'll get a stool!" You said to him.
Changbin felt offended by you indirectly mocking his height, he came up to you and grabbed you by your waist, lifting you to get the box from the top shelf.
"Oh!" You exclaimed, slightly shocked at how he easily lifted your body like you were a piece of paper.
Changbin slowly walked to get you close to the box so you can grab it.
"Okay, I got it!" You announced as you held the box close to your chest
He slowly lowered you down onto the floor and sighed, "I know I'm not tall, but I'm strong," he defended himself even before you said anything to him.
You smiled at him instead of responding to his words, "thank you, Changbin," you said.
He couldn't help but smile back at you, completely forgetting about the mocking of his height.
"Do you really need to get that box at 4 am in the morning?" He asked, remembering that the house was still dark and it was so eerily quiet.
"Do you want to go on a walk with me?" You invited him instead of answering his question.
You brought the box to your bedroom and came back with a pair of sneakers.
"Are you seriously asking me to go on a walk with you?" He asked, he would rather back to bed and sleep some more.
You nodded and sat on the chair, putting your sneakers on.
"I want to see the sunrise," you said as you laced your shoe.
"But it's cold?!" He said as if it wasn't obvious.
"I don't know, put on a coat I guess?" You simply answered.
Changbin felt conflicted but he obviously wouldn't let you go alone, "I'm going to get ready!" He finally decided.
The sky was still dark and the stars hadn't gone out even the sliver of dawn started to shine through the horizon.
You both walked the quiet and empty streets, it was as if the earth belonged to only the two of you. He could hear the friction your shoes made against the asphalt, the sound of your breathing, and the wind that brushed your skin and hair.
He quietly followed you climbing the stairs that led to a rooftop of a parking building, if he weren't with you he wouldn't dare go to such a place at that hour.
Once you both arrived at the top, you stood by the ledge with your elbows propped on the concrete barrier and watched as the sun rises, then the sky gradually changed into different shades of colors ever so slightly.
Changbin realized that he took little things like this for granted.
Sometimes you need to stop and look around you for little wonders like this.
"It's beautiful," he sighed with the steam of his breath coming out of his mouth, forming a curl of smoke in the air.
Autumn was about to end and about to be replaced by winter, the temperature dropped so significantly and made the morning colder than usual.
"Will tomorrow's sunrise be as beautiful as today's?" You asked out of the blue without looking at him.
You looked rather petrified by the sight you were seeing but at the same time, you were sad about it.
"I don't know," Changbin honestly answered.
"The sun rises every day but they'll never be the same," he added, shoving his hands inside the pockets of his jackets.
"What if the sun never rises?" You asked again.
Despite the golden rays of sun hitting your face and making you look otherwordly beautiful yet there was chaos stirred inside you.
"What if it's night forever? And it's just... endless dark... forever," you said as you stared out at the view as the sun woke the whole city as it once again became alive, another day began.
Changbin raked his half-awake brain to come up with a bright answer to your existential question.
"Technically, it's not the sun that doesn't rise but the earth that stops spinning," Changbin elaborated as far as his knowledge took him.
"Or... it could be you forget to turn on the lights!" He added with a low laugh.
"What if the light switch broke?"
"Then I'll reflect the lights to you," he answered without a beat.
Changbin knew that all of those questions weren't just silly questions and they weren't just metaphorical as well, he knew exactly what lay underneath all of those words.
-
When Changbin met you again after years of rarely seeing each other, it was like the universe wanted him to be there, at that exact place and at that exact time.
You were standing on the ledge, drunk and crying. It was indeed a lethal combination. Changbin immediately ran toward you and grabbed your hand, afraid that you accidentally slipped. He then dragged you away, far from the ledge. He could only imagine what would happen if you did slip, it made him shiver just from thinking about it.
"What are you doing out here?" He asked, still holding you by your waist even though you were already in the safety of his embrace.
He saw your cheeks were wet with tears but you were laughing at him, "who are you?" you asked, completely dazed and confused.
"It's me Changbin. You remember me?"
You laughed again and he couldn't tell what was funny, "oh Changbin?"
"Yes, Changbin," he repeated, just in case you still didn't get his name.
"I remember you," you slurred.
"Yeah?"
"Changbin," you called.
"Yes?"
"How do you keep afloat?" You randomly asked like it was a pop quiz.
"You keep swimming, I guess," he answered, not sure why you asked but that was the only thing that came up in his brain.
"That's the problem, I'm getting tired of keep swimming," you sadly said and tears rolled down your face.
"I want to stop," you broke into tears.
Changbin was unprepared, he didn't know what to do when he met an old friend and she suddenly cried into his arms.
But he comforted you as much as he could, holding you and letting you cry your heart out until you exhausted yourself and passed out.
And he thought your little stunt was caused by the alcohol.
Turned out, it wasn't.
He knew something was wrong with you and all these subtle changes in you, they seemed alright at the first glance.
So he decided to take the great length by staying with you to take a closer look at you and search for the answer.
But no matter how much he looked at you, he couldn't tell what was inside that pretty head of yours.
You glanced up at him and caught him staring at you from across the room.
"What?" You asked as you slid your glasses up your nose.
Changbin swiveled his chair to the side, and aligned it with yours, "oh you don't know?"
You tipped your head to the side, "what?"
He walked to your desk and dragged a chair to sit across your desk.
"It's a staring contest!" He spontaneously announced.
You scoffed and took off your glasses, "just a fair warning, I'm very competitive," you said.
"You ready?"
You blinked your eyes a few times to prepare yourself, "Okay, I'm ready!"
You stared into his eyes and he did the same, widening his eyes to take a better look at you hoping to find the answer to the questions that kept gnawing him from the inside.
"Nothing!" He said to himself.
"What?"
"I find nothing," he said.
"Huh?"
You didn't know that he was talking to himself. He once again couldn't decode what was inside your head. If only there was a way to find out.
"You're crying!" You told him, a tear rolled down his cheek from keeping his eyes open without blinking.
You reached for his face and wiped the tear with your knuckles, for a second, you forgot about the staring contest and blinked.
"Oh no!" You jerked your head back and slammed your desk, groaning out of frustration.
"You lost!" He said in a mocking tone with his eyes red and watery.
You glared at him and frowned, "yeah, whatever," you got up from the chair and left the room.
"Where are you going?"
"Cooking dinner!" You shouted as you climbed down the stairs.
You cooked yet another delicious dinner and he started to think you were bragging about your cooking skills to him, forcing him to admit that you are indeed a great cook.
"Can you listen to this?" He walked up to you as soon as he finished doing the dishes.
You put both feet up on the sofa, "is this the track you're working on?"
He nodded and offered you the headphone, plopped down next to you on the sofa then pressed play.
He intently watched your face for any microexpression as you listened to the track he had been working on but you looked rather serious, it was hard to guess if you like it or not.
The song finished and you took the headphone off.
"So?" He asked, the question mark was heavy with anticipation.
"It's good," you answered.
He pouted because you said it with a plain face, "be honest!"
"I like it," you convinced him.
He shot you a glare, "you're lying," he sulked like a little kid.
You stood on the sofa and started rapping his song, a snippet that you memorize from the song you just listened to, and sang gibberish for the rest of it, along with the excessive rapper style you performed for him.
Changbin burst out laughing and held your feet, sending you to fall on the sofa, laughing along with him.
When the waves of laughter died down, your eyes locked in a gaze and the sofa felt like it suddenly shrank in size.
"Should we kiss?" You asked.
It should come out like a surprise to him, but funny enough, he always thought the question would eventually out whether it was from you or him.
It was only about time.
"Yeah," he sheepishly smiled and nodded.
You leaned in and kissed him, but it was rushed and he wasn't prepared, you both cracked a laugh almost at the same time.
"We can do better than that," you said while still laughing.
Changbin agreed so he took the initiative, he placed his hands on your jaws and slowly brought his face close to yours.
He then softly pressed his lips on yours and kissed you so tenderly like you would crack if he kissed you too hard.
The idea of having his daydream become reality was a lot to process yet his body seemed to know what to do as it fed on his need.
"Better?" He asked as he pulled away from the kiss.
You stifled a nod.
"Then that means I should keep going, right?"
You nodded again while grinning.
This time Changbin put a hand behind your head and leaned in, pressing another kiss that was a little selfish, a little impatient with a lot of passion like he was trying to quench his thirst with it.
The way your lips melt onto each other only proved how much you both yearn for it, the way your lips endlessly brushed over each other's, and exchanged a contented sigh in the middle.
But what was more captivating was looking at your beautiful face after pulling away from the kiss, your eyes were still closed and your lips curved into a lovely smile.
"That wasn't bad at all!" You exclaimed.
And he agreed.
He used to think that it would be awkward to kiss someone he knew for years, it only made sense once he realized that he had been in love with you long before this.
He pecked your lips, already addicted to the taste of it.
"Not bad at all!" He repeated and kissed you again, making you giggle against his lips.
At the end of the night, you both walked up the stairs together ready for bed. Before he goes back to his room, you grabbed his hand.
"I'll wait for you in my bedroom," you said to him.
Changbin got flustered all of a sudden, his mind thought of so many things at once.
There was a few seconds of silence hung in the air.
"Your room then?" You asked again because it started to get awkward.
"You want to... sleep with me?" He stammered, afraid that he mistook your invitation.
"No?"
"No!" He strongly denied it and raised his voice without he intended to.
"Yes!" He changed his answer and then got completely baffled by his own words, nervous.
"I mean yes, we can sleep together." He trailed his words, not sure what he said.
You laughed at how flustered he got, "I'll wait in my room then," you said then let go of his hand to enter your bedroom.
Changbin paced in his bedroom, unable to think straight that he couldn't decide on what to wear.
When he finally gathered his thoughts and enough guts to enter your bedroom, you were lathering your legs with lotion on the bed.
You looked up at him and smiled, he instantly melted and thinking of turning around, walked back to his room.
"I usually sleep on this side!" You said to him then patted the pillow on the left side of the bed, "you can sleep on this side!"
Changbin awkwardly walked to the bed and climbed onto the bed, sitting on the far edge of the bed.
"I'm not infectious," you poked fun at him, pulling him by the sleeve of his t-shirt to get closer to the middle of the bed.
"I'm not saying anything!" He immediately responded.
"That's the problem. You always have a say about everything," you said, also scooted closer to him, and sat with your back against the headboard of the bed.
"You're so quiet now, it's concerning!"
Changbin stifled a laugh and he knew he was caught, he couldn't lie through it.
"I'm just a little..." he couldn't find a word to describe what he felt at that moment and left the sentence hung in the air unfinished.
He was nervous.
How could he not when he lay next to you, under the same duvet and there were merely less than three layers of clothing between your body and his?
You took a book from your bedside table and flipped it open to the bookmarked page, "can I read you something?" You asked.
"Sure!" He answered. He felt thankful though that you always know how to make him comfortable in any situation that he trapped himself in.
You held the book with one hand and put the other hand on his forearm, you took a deep breath then started reading.
"Good evening," said the little prince courteously.
"Good evening," said the snake.
"What planet is this on which I have come down?" asked the little prince.
"This is the Earth; this is Africa," the snake answered.
"Ah! Then there are no people on the Earth?"
"This is the desert. There are no people in the desert. The Earth is large," said the snake.
The little prince sat down on a stone and raised his eyes toward the sky.
"I wonder," he said, "whether the stars are set alight in heaven so that one day each one of us may find his own again . . . Look at my planet. It is right there above us. But how far away it is!"
"It is beautiful," the snake said. "What has brought you here?"
"I have been having some trouble with a flower," said the little prince.
"Ah!" said the snake.
And they were both silent.
"Where are the men?" the little prince, at last, took up the conversation again. "It is a little lonely in the desert . . ."
"It is also lonely among men," the snake said.
He didn't know how he fell asleep but he was sure it was your soothing voice that slowly lulled him to sleep. When he woke up in the middle of the night, you weren't lying next to him but he saw the bathroom lights were turned on and heard the water running.
He got up but just enough to see you standing in front of the sink and taking something, a medicine then washed it down with a glass of water.
You walked out of the bathroom not long after and noticed he was awake.
"Why are you awake?" You asked.
"Because you're not on the bed," he answered and he couldn't be more honest than that.
You softly smiled at him and went under the duvet with him.
"Are you sick?"
"Huh?"
"I saw you taking a medicine," he said.
You seemed surprised that he knew about it, "I'm having a headache," you replied then took his arm so you can rest your head on it.
"Are you okay?" He asked, worried. He had never seen or heard you complaining about having a headache before.
You nodded and nestled your head on the crook of his neck, "I'm okay. No need to worry," you assured.
Your hand reached for his chin and turned his head at you, slowly pressing your lips on his.
The kiss was soft, long, and lingering like you were seeking something more than the physical sensation of it.
You pulled away with a low sigh, "you're so warm," you whispered, putting a hand across his chest.
Changbin likes compliments, especially when they're coming from you. He shifted on the bed so he could hold you, wrapped you in a tight hug, and his lips searched for you in the dark.
Without you needing to control it, you leaned in close for him so he could kiss you.
He took your upper lip, your lower lip next, then he used a little tongue as he kissed you again and after that, he parted your mouth open and kissed it with the same amount of passion as the first time he kissed you.
It was a little less quiet with the smooching sounds filling the dead air in the room, followed by your low sighs and little giggles.
In the dark, you were just as lovely.
In the dark, you and he could make heaven together.
-
He woke up to your face looming above him and on that beautiful face, a smile grew on your face as you saw him awake.
"Good morning!" You greeted him, your index finger trailed his strong and defined jaw.
"Morning," he mumbled, he stopped shifting on the bed as he felt your body resting on top of him.
"I'm afraid you have to have cereal for breakfast again," you informed him.
He rubbed his eyes to take a clearer look at you, glowing under the morning sun that shone through the window.
"You have a meeting?" He guessed because you rarely go out except it's for something important such as work.
You nodded.
He turned his head at the clock on the bedside table and saw it was still early, "it's only 7 am," he mumbled.
"I know," you responded then without warning, pressed a kiss on his lips.
It didn't take him long to respond, kissing you back and holding you close, his hands went all over you and yours on him.
His hand unintentionally brushed over your nipple poking through your thin camisole and immediately removed his hand from you.
You were quick to catch it without stopping kissing him, put his hand back on you, and slipped it under the camisole. He rested his hand still on the skin of your stomach but as the kiss continued, his hand started to wander around.
You took it that he permitted you to touch him as well, going under his dark t-shirt and touching his firm muscles contracted under your touch.
It baffled him that the more he kisses you, the more he won't stop.
He pulled you until you lay on top of him with your breasts squashed between your chests, his hands went down to admire the arch of your back and landed on your backside as it was only covered by the fabric of your lacey boy shorts.
He liked having your weight pressed against him like he could feel all of you even to the parts he couldn't touch.
Running out of breath, you pulled away from the kiss and hovered above him.
He put the strands of hair covering your face and put it to the side of your face, holding it there.
Changbin took a moment to admire how beautiful you were to him, barefaced with no specks of flaw. You are perfect for him.
Words wouldn't do justice to describe your beauty, it prevails what his brain could comprehend.
He kissed you instead in the hope that you would get how much he adores you.
You broke the kiss with a low gasp, "Let's continue this later," you said to him.
Changbin's mouth agape with his lips wet, "okay,"
You gave his lips a peck on the lips then got off of the bed, walked to the bathroom, and stopped by the doorway, "don't set the house on fire while I'm away, okay?"
Changbin held on to your promise to get him through the day, working on his music until he lost track of time.
He didn't know how long your meeting was going to take but it was dinner time and you weren't home yet.
You didn't send him any messages or give him a call, that was what worries him a lot.
It would be fine if the meeting took the whole day but that's likely to happen and he didn't want to think of any other possibilities than that.
To be safe, he called your agent's number from the pile of name cards stuck to the door of the fridge.
He didn't want to sound panicked but your agent calmed him down the second he explained the situation to her.
He got more panic when she let him know that you already left her office this afternoon.
He called your phone again but to his shit luck, he got connected to voice-mail.
The thoughts that he tried to resist, spread into his head like a wildfire and he lost the last grasp of his rational thinking. He ran upstairs and get dressed, he didn't know where to look for you but it's much better than just staying at home waiting for you to come home.
He put on his jacket as he walked down the stairs only to find you already on the threshold, bending down to take your shoes off.
"Are you going somewhere?" You asked him as you took a few bags from the floor and went inside.
Changbin badly wanted to scream at you for scaring the shit out of him but what he did was run towards you, then pulled you into a hug.
He let out a long sigh of relief with his hands wrapped tight around you.
"Are you mad?" You asked, utterly confused.
He didn't answer but pushed his head close to your neck, he never felt this relieved from having someone's presence in his life.
You dropped the plastic bags down on the floor again to hug him back, "I'm sorry for being out so long. I went to the bookstore after meeting then I queued to buy us dinner," you explained all the while your hands were rubbing his back.
Softly you slipped your hand into his hair and angled his head, "I'm sorry," you sincerely said.
You kissed him on the lips as a way to prove how sorry you were for him, kissed him so tenderly to soften him.
"Can we eat dinner now? I'm hungry," you said with a grin.
He obviously couldn't say no if you asked him so nicely and that kiss made all the worries he had a minute ago disappeared into thin air.
"Stop being mad. I already apologized," you whined as he ate his dinner in silence and kept avoiding your gaze.
Changbin couldn't stay quiet long, he has so much to say to you and the first thing that came out was his nag.
"At least can you pick up the phone when I call you?" He sounded so bitter, so upset that he could feel his head heating up.
"I am so sorry. My phone ran out of battery," you apologized and tried to explain to him for the dozenth of time why you were out of reach the whole day.
He didn't say anything but kept his full lips forming a subtle pout.
You giggled while taking another piece of dumpling from the plate.
"What's so funny?" He asked, slightly annoyed.
"I thought you were mad because of my promise," you answered with a sly smile.
He looked down, his cheeks suddenly heating from the remainder of your promise from this morning.
Changbin kept sulking even when he was doing the dishes, his shoulder tense even when your hands were resting on his back, standing close behind him.
"Honey," you softly called with your mouth close to his ear.
"I'm going upstairs to shower," you said.
Your hands moved to his waist and wrapped them around him for a few seconds before letting go.
He watched you climbing the stairs through the reflection on the window glass, how your hips swayed with every step you take, and your ponytail swinging along with the motions.
The buzzing sound of a hairdryer welcomed him as he entered your bedroom.
The door of your bathroom was left open and he saw you standing in your sleeping attire of camisole and boy shorts in front of the mirror with your hair flying around from the dryer.
Once you finished, the silence took over again.
Changbin sat on the edge of your bed when he saw you walked out of the bathroom, didn't wait to come up to him, and sat on his lap.
He didn't want to forgive you easily, he reclined on the bed with his hands propped behind him.
You stifled a laugh, understood that he was still mad.
"Make any cool raps today?" You playfully asked him while playing with lint on the frayed sleeve of his t-shirt
He gave you a shrug but also nodded.
"How was the meeting?" He asked back.
You placed your hands on his shoulders and sighed, "they don't like it," you said.
"They don't like the book I'm working on. They want me to drop it and make something new entirely," you sadly said.
It was hard for him to keep being mad when he knew you need his support in a time like this.
"What are you going to do then?" He asked, back to sitting and putting his hands on your knees.
"I don't know," you honestly answered.
Your head hung low and you seemed sad, he decided to stop being childish.
He softly pinched your cheek, then caressed it, "do what you think is right," he suggested.
"Whether it's continuing your book or starting a new one," he added, cupping your jaw and forcing you to look at him.
You put your hand on his and smiled, "I don't want to talk about it," you grumbled.
You looked into his eyes and he could see the mischief in them, "I want to continue what we did this morning," you said.
Was it him or did your voice just dropped lower than before?
"I think I know where to continue," you said as your hands tugged at the hem of your camisole, then pulled it off of you.
Changbin didn't expect things to turn 180° in a span of a few minutes where his cock suddenly twitched inside his pants with your ass seated exactly on top of his crotch.
Then your breasts, hanging on your chest for his eyes to feast on and ogle at.
Ans not to mention, they were for his eyes only.
He moved his hands up to your ribcage and gently squeezed, "you're not so bad," he teased with that sly smirk on his face.
"Yeah?" You raised an eyebrow at him.
"Then why aren't you touching them?" You asked because all he did was look at you and his hands hadn't been moving anywhere.
You ended up taking his hands and putting them on your breasts, kneading them together with him.
"Not bad, huh?" You teased him.
He swallowed air and slowly moved his hands, kneading on your breasts as you tugged on his dark t-shirt and took it off of him.
Your lips found each other in a second, lathered in a titillating kiss and you slowly pushed him down the bed until he lay underneath you.
You let go of the kiss to move, straddled him by his stomach, and trailed the outline of his magnificent muscles before sitting on it.
He lay a hand on your sternum and softly slid it down your chest, sighing in awe at the sight of you.
"Not bad at all," he murmured to you with yet another sly smile.
You giggled and lowered yourself on top of him, just the perfect position with your breasts hanging right in front of his face.
Changbin opened his mouth to have them straight in his mouth, sucking on them in turns, and pushed them to the middle so he could lick both nipples at once.
He made a trail of kisses across your chest next and down the valley of your breasts to your stomach.
He stopped to catch a breath and looked up at you looming just a few inches above him.
"You're so gorgeous," he said with a dreamy sigh as his hands went down your backside to cup your ass. It amazed him how the flesh molded into his hands making him couldn't stop squeezing it.
You giggled again and pressed a brief kiss on his lips, taking a fistful of his t-shirt and impatiently taking it off of him. You bit your lower lip at the sight of his muscular body wrapped in that honey skin that emits warmth, inviting you to touch.
"My my!" You exclaimed with a low hiss.
Your eyes followed your hand touching his sculpted muscles and making you tingle from the inside, you were never crazy about them until then.
"You should stop going to the gym," you joked at him.
Then all of a sudden, he lifted your body and held it in the air so easily like he picked up a kitten.
"Well, I still can do this, right?" He asked as he held you up in the air.
He then put you down and pinned you under, his big arms caging you but it got you excited for what he would do next.
He buried his head in your neck and kissed you there, his mouth ferociously nibbling on your skin, making you giggle and moan at the same time.
While he was busy kissing you, you used the opportunity to work open his jeans and put your hand inside his underwear, "My God!" You gasped at how big he is and it wasn't fully erect yet.
Changbin put on a cocky smile, one corner of his mouth raised higher than the other. His hand went lower and headed toward your clothed core.
"I want you to know that," you paused to pull his whole length out of his boxer and began stroking it, "I haven't had sex in a long time," you finished.
Changbin licked his lips as his fingers circled your clit against the fabric of your underwear, "you can't be that bad," he said to you.
You shook your head, "it's not that," you told him, your thumb teasing his slit and lightly circling his tip.
You looked at his face with his mouth slightly parted open, drunk from your fluttering touches.
"It means that once wouldn't be enough for me," you shamelessly told him.
Your remark took him by surprise.
He was not only aroused but excited, like your words somehow revived him whole, making him feel more alive than before.
He couldn't answer without stuttering but responded by putting his underwear to the side to expose your heating core.
It only took a few seconds to make his fingers wet with your essence and the more he teased, the more drenched you got.
He carefully inserted one finger into you, drew it out, and added another finger in. He pumped a few times and got you lowly moaning.
"These are just my fingers," he said in a whispery voice to you.
He leaned in close and gave you an open-mouthed kiss, "and you already feel so tight," he added.
He sucked on your lower lip until it got swollen, "how are you going to take my cock, mmh?"
You seductively giggled, "try me, Bin!" You dared him and opened your legs wider. You arched your back and brought his cock close, then ran it down your wet heat repeatedly.
You instantly felt it, the urge to be inside each other as you moaned into each other's face. You waited on who will surrender first, whose desire was greater and uncontrollable, whose between the two of you would likely snap easily.
All you got to do was wait it out and played along with him, teasing him by guiding his cock to your entrance but not letting him enter yet. It was rather a dangerous game but you were sure you have better self-control than him.
It didn't take long to prove your words right.
"Fuck it!" He cursed out loud and rushed to pull your underwear down your legs.
Changbin got defeated by his lack of self-control, the urge to be inside you got stronger as he saw your legs spread so wide for him.
"I'm on the pill," you whispered to his ear with your lips grazing his ear as you spoke.
He swallowed. It was the last thing he wanted to hear if he wasn't so overwhelmed already, his breathing became erratic.
Changbin started to align his cock at your entrance as you arched your back, impatiently waiting for him to be inside you.
Carefully he pushed his length inside and continuously groaned the whole time he went deeper inside you, his hand fisting the sheet next to your head.
"Mmh... yeah..." you hummed with your eyes closed, your breathing quickened from trying to contain all of your cries from the pain of taking his size while adjusting yourself to it.
"Yes... mmh... so good," you hummed again with your eyes closed in the hope to heighten the other senses and feeling only his cock inside you.
Changbin had his eyes screwed shut with his mouth agape but no words coming out of it. He became motionless and still trying to process it, his eyes lingered on his cock disappeared inside you.
"Bin, baby?" You called.
It took him a second to answer your call, "yeah?"
"See? I'm taking you well," you told him with a sly smile.
He smirked and lowered his mouth on you while you squirm underneath him, pulling your knees up just enough to launch him deeper.
He groaned in response, stilled with his mouth on you, "you want me to cum too fast?"
You softly giggled and gently bit his full lips, "I'll give you a pass since this is our first time," you said.
And he liked how you say it.
First time.
He wasn't entirely focused on those two words but on the promise the words carried, that there'll be more after the first.
You tangled your hand in his hair then realized that you never looked at him this up close, and he's so beautiful.
You brought your mouth close and kissed him, somehow it ended up with him kissing you down your pillow.
As the kisses helped him to compose himself, he finally started moving at a slow, steady pace.
The slow drag of his cock against your velvety walls, the breathy voice you used to call his name in between your moans, and the way your hair fell around the pillow as he looked down at you caged between his big arms.
You seemed so small under him, he felt the sense to protect you and weirdly enough, ruin you at the same time.
"Harder!" You whispered.
And that seemed to break whatever was holding him back so he let go.
His hips incessantly thrust into you as fast as he could, as shallow as possible then froze in place when he knew he was on the brink of his orgasm.
He was glad that you were already cumming around him, sucking him in deeper, and gave him just the right stimuli to do one last thrust that made him explode, sending him soaring high to cloud nine.
He dragged himself out of you to not stay weighing on top of you, he hissed the moment he saw his cum soaked your cunt in his milky white seed.
Your hand reached for his stomach and dropped down to hold his cock, put it inside you again.
"Stay inside me," you mumbled and pulled him close, wrapping your legs around him with your hands around his neck.
He decided to put all of his weight to one side by propping an arm next to you, "I'm heavy," he said to you with a soft caress on your cheek.
You smiled with your eyes closed, "I know," you replied and nestled your head in the crook of his neck, "just for a moment," you said.
You searched for his mouth to land a soft kiss, "until we're ready for the second round," you said with a giggle.
It had been quite a while for him too, being with someone, physical and emotional wise but he loved how you didn't make it feel awkward at all. It felt as if everything unfolded naturally.
And you touched him the right way, moved against him just exactly how he likes it, with your hands on his chest and hips pulsating, going in and out of him.
"I should have taken your exercise seriously," you said between your pants.
He pulled you down by your elbow so he could kiss you, "it's going to be leg day tomorrow then," he said.
You cracked a laugh and kissed him back, cupping his cheeks with your hands.
And he suddenly started bucking his hips from under you, making you gasp against his mouth and gripping his shoulders.
"You show off!" You sneered at him and kissed him more.
You synced your bodies together and created just the ideal dynamic that elevated the whole sexual experience and the sensation.
Your hand intertwined as you kept moving and pushing your limit while crying in pleasure but his hands were there to guide you through the way and brought him to his high.
To say that he enjoyed it would be an understatement, he lived every second of it and luxuriate in it, basking himself in a slice of heaven's delight.
He fell into a dreamless sleep for his reality made it impossible to dream something better than this.
-
Your eyes were heavy with sleep but the smell of something burning stung your nose. With a groan, you reluctantly got up and off the bed, picking up a t-shirt laying on the floor as you exited the bedroom.
You put the t-shirt on as you slowly descend the stairs, following the burning smell that seemed to come from the kitchen.
You kind of already guess what was happening and rubbed your forehead when your guess was true.
"What are you doing?" You asked him as he flipped the already burnt egg on the pan.
"Cooking breakfast," he innocently answered, then took another egg.
You pointed to the toaster, "the toasts!"
He turned around to get the charred toast and forgot about the egg, sending it rolling down the counter, sending it splattering on the kitchen floor.
You sighed and went behind the counter, turning off the stove, and just stood there looking at the chaos with him standing in the middle of it.
He grimaced, it was clear that his attempt at cooking was failing. His shoulders slumped in defeat with his lower lip jutted out.
You started chuckling because he started to look like a kid about being scolded. He followed suit, chuckling while looking at the mess he made.
The two of you worked together to clean up the mess and made bowls of cereal, eating it on the sofa in the living room.
Changbin sitting on the opposite end of the sofa, shot you a smile looking at you wearing his t-shirt and you teased his thighs with your foot, rubbed so smoothly as it inches closer to his crotch.
He glared at you when you got too close and you retreated your foot back, giggling, and back to sitting with your knees up on the other end.
He put his bowl away and pulled your feet back, placing them on his lap, "are you going to work on some drawings today?"
You bit your spoon and put it back in the bowl, "I don't know," you answered.
"I still can't decide to start anew or push my ideas in..." the doubt made you trail your words and aimlessly stir the milk in your bowl with the spoon.
Changbin moved his hands until they rested on your calves and gently massaged them, "you'll figure it out," he tried to comfort you.
But his words didn't comfort you enough. He saw you mostly spacing out on your desk or scribbling something on your sketchbook, he picked the right time to intervene.
"Let's go have lunch out!" He said, gently massaging your shoulders.
You reclined on your chair until your head tipped upward and met his gaze, holding his hands you smile and said, "give me a minute to change my clothes."
"Okay," he said.
"Okay," you repeated with a smile.
He liked how your smile can instantly put him at ease, with your lips only a kiss away he couldn't help but plant a long, upside-down one.
Your mood turned slightly better after lunch, if he took you home now, you would only sulk in your work again so he grabbed your hand, stopping you from going to the car.
"Let's spend the rest of the day out!" He said with a bright smile.
"But it's cold!" You said while clutching your coat together.
He pulled you and made you walk at his pace, half jogging to wherever he was taking you.
"Let's make a bet!"
You took a bowling ball in sapphire blue color and lifted it in one hand, "what kind of bet?"
"An extraordinary one."
His proposal got one of your eyebrows raised.
"If you lose, you have to make me a character in your book," he elaborated with a smirk on his face.
"And if you lose?" You put down the bowling ball and turned at him to put on a challenging face.
"I'll write a song about you," he answered with such coy.
You stifled a laugh and played with a row of bowling balls in various striking colors.
"So?" He asked when you were still considering but it seemed to him that you would reject it.
Changbin came up with something to provoke you, taking a bowling ball and striking a bowling pose, "are you afraid of losing?"
You snorted, "no!" You replied rather too quickly.
"Do you take the bet or not?" He asked again, straight to the case because when it comes to a bet, Changbin going all in or nothing.
"Yeah, sure," you answered with a shrug and he believed you were planning not to take it.
With a wry smile, he let you take the first turn and let the game begins.
-
You elbowed him as he blanked out reading the menu, "Bin, are you going to order?"
He blinked his eyes at you a few times, not fully out of his head yet. You ordered him his usual for dinner and sent the server back with the menu.
"If I knew that you would take it hard, I would have given it up for you," you said, propping your clasped hands under your chin.
He shook his head and laughed it off, "I'm good," he convinced you.
Changbin was still processing his loss, you beat him in a sport that he's really good and confidently playing at, but turned out, that luck was not on his side that day.
You beat him fair and square, in conclusion, you won the bet.
"Do not worry, I'll give you plenty of inspiration for the song," you teased him.
If Changbin knew the inspiration you would give him were in the form of touches and kisses, he wouldn't feel so bad about losing.
After unlocking the door in a rush while he kissed your neck and shoulders, you both stumbled inside then his impatient self took you upstairs.
He was losing but you were a winning trophy to him.
Oh, how he liked hearing your pretty noises muffled by the pillow as he gently pounded you from behind, a pillow under your hips to provide more depth, more pleasure to both of you.
He made sure to always put you first and you were enjoying it as much as he did, he put a hand around your neck and slightly tilted your head upward.
"You feel so good," he murmured at you with a haste kiss on the mouth.
You shot him a blissful smile, your hand looped around his neck, "so good, Bin!" You said back, tugging at his hair a bit too hard.
He took your other hand in his and clasped it together on the bed as he needed something to hold on to, to keep him grounded and tether him with the reality that it was all happening: he's with the girl who made him feel all sorts of feelings he never felt before, the girl who is broken and whole, flawed and perfect. A girl he wanted to love completely and openly without asking for anything in return.
"Open your eyes!" His voice was whispery.
You did without saying anything, batting your eyelashes a few times to finally find his eyes and held his gaze.
"I love you," he muttered, the words out but his heart expanded twice its size.
You kissed him and took a deep breath, filling your lungs with oxygen for it will run out in a few seconds as you said the words back to him, unequivocally.
"I love you, Bin," your lips brushed his as you spoke.
He could feel his smile against your lips and the warm feelings pouring out of you, onto the sheet you shared, on the bed where you held each other close to set each other free.
-
"Breath in through your nose and out of your mouth," he instructed as you were exercising on gym equipment he insisted on you try.
He held your wrists next and started guiding you to pull the weight, carefully observing your movements while making sure your posture was correct.
"I think I get the hang of it," you said as a way to tell him you can do it on your own.
He chose to ignore it and placed a hand on the small of your back, "straighten your back!" He reminded.
You turned your head to the side to shoot him a puzzled look since you were certain you took his instructions well and kept your posture correctly.
He sat behind you on the bench and pulled the weight together with you.
You scoffed at him, "not in the gym too!"
He caught a reflection of himself foolishly smiling back at him. He made it obvious that he craves your body despite having you hours ago, splayed naked for him to touch as much as he wanted.
There was just something about you in that tight workout attire that exposed some skin, a sheen of sweat coating your skin especially knowing how soft your skin feels under his touch.
He couldn't escape the thought of having you again, on his mouth, around his fingers, around his cock as it started to throb and he knew he shouldn't think these thoughts or else he would expose himself.
You stopped exercising and turned just enough to look at him, "Let's just exercise on our own," you suggested, placing a quick peck on his lips before leaving to the other part of the gym.
Apart from the little problem back in the gym and the grey weather outside, the day turned out right. After having lunch together, you started working on some new drawings and were working hard at it until someone rang the doorbell.
Changbin voluntarily made a run downstairs and opened the door.
He didn't recognize the person until she introduced herself.
Changbin didn't want to be rude and eavesdrop on your talk with your agent in the workroom.
He waited in the living room and fought the urge to be a nosy person, the urge to run there and be with you.
He shifted his attention elsewhere, went to the kitchen, and started ordering food for dinner, it took him more than an hour to decide on one because he couldn't focus on the task.
During dinner you stayed quiet ever since your agent left the house, you stirred your food and only finished half of your plate when Changbin had done with his.
"You don't like the food I ordered?"
You shook your head, "No," you replied with a thin smile.
He wanted to know all about the talk you had with your agent but at the same time, he didn't want to force the topic on you.
He came up with something else to lighten up your mood, "How about a movie after this?"
"Only if I get to pick the movie," you replied.
"Of course!"
You picked a drama movie that needed a laser focus but both of you were out of it to truly enjoy it. You were thinking so hard on your own while Changbin was concerned for you.
When the movie ended, none of you move and you kept resting your head on his shoulder.
You sniffled and Changbin peered to look at you.
"Are you crying?" He asked and he meant it in a playful way to tease you.
You lifted your head and looked at him, tears wetting both of your cheeks.
"You're crying," he said, hurriedly putting a hand around your shoulder and trying to comfort you.
"Why are you crying?"
"The movie," you shortly answered.
"It ended with a happy ending so why are you crying?" He asked, genuinely curious.
"Because I know that happiness is fleeting. They might be happy at the end of the movie, but after that?" You elaborated your irrational concern over a piece of a fictional story.
It was sad but also cute seeing you like this, he pulled you into a hug.
"Yes, you are right to say happiness is fleeting. But guess what? Sadness is fleeting too."
Changbin talked slowly and endearingly to avoid sounding like he was preaching to you.
"We are never fully happy nor fully sad but we can't have one without the other," he said again with his hand rubbing up and down your arm.
You stopped crying, then put your hand around his neck with your head on his chest, seeking warmth and comfort from him.
There are times when you looked strong, almost formidable even. The fact that you've been living alone and have been doing everything yourself, earned a respect from him.
Then, there were times when you stripped all of your exteriors until there was just you. Pure, delicate, and very fragile. The pearl inside that tough shell.
He hadn't gone that far nor did he believe he would get to see that, but as he held you close on the sofa like this, he felt like he has just got a small peek at it.
-
These past few days felt like a blur.
You were busy with your drawings and he was busy with his tracks, he had to go back and forth to the studio to work on them with proper equipment.
You didn't mind, of course, you lend him your car and he promised to be back soon except that his promise could only go as far as his work let him.
When he came home, you were also still cooped up in the workroom and stayed up late working on your drawings.
And he thought you probably had been living like this when you were still living alone.
You put on a smile when you noticed him entering the room looking just as exhausted as you were.
"Why aren't you sleeping?" He asked, standing behind your chair and putting his hands around your neck, planting a kiss on top of your head.
"I have to finish this bit," you replied, reclining on your chair and letting him bury his head in the crook of your neck.
With his mouth pushed close to your ear, he asked, "Let's go to bed, mmh?"
He nuzzled his nose on your neck, making you softly giggle, "I don't want to go to bed alone," he added.
He easily persuaded you, moreover because you were tired as well. You nodded and held his hand, letting him lead you to the bedroom.
You washed up a little bit while Changbin already waiting on the bed for you, he saw you taking medicine and probably the same one you took every other day before bed.
"Are you not well?" He asked as you got under the cover with him.
"Just a little headache," you answered nonchalantly and scooted closer to him, resting a hand on his chest.
"Don't tell me that you skipped dinner again?" He squeezed your arm as he waited for your answer.
You didn't answer but quickly came up with something to stop from scolding you, "I promise that I won't skip dinner again," you said, kissing him on his cheek.
"And not staying up late?" He added to the promise.
"I promise," you answered.
But on another night, he found you were already sleeping alone on the bed that is too big in a house that is also too big for one person to live in it.
He got on and lay next to you and didn't hesitate to put his arms around you. He closed his eyes as he inhaled your scent which gave him a sense of comfort, longing, and home.
It surprised him that all of sudden you stirred in your sleep and not long after that, he heard you crying.
He wouldn't get panic if you were crying but your body started to shake as well, his first instinct was to wake you up, guessed that you were having a bad dream.
"Wake up!" He shook your body harder.
"Baby, wake up!" He tried again.
But you kept squeezing your eyes shut and started to sob, after a moment, you turned around and buried your head in his chest.
"Are you having a bad dream?" He asked even though he wasn't sure you were already awake or still sleeping.
You didn't answer but kept crying to him, crumpled the front of his top in your hands.
He held you close, rubbed your back, and kissed you so many times until you calmed down.
"It's just a bad dream!" He said repeatedly with a soothing voice and a kiss on your forehead, removing the hair that stuck to your face. It was a heart-wrenching sight to see that he felt a twinge in his heart, breaking.
Your eyes remained close but you had stopped crying, he kissed your tears-streaked cheek with so much loving, "Let's go back to sleep, mmh?"
You stayed quiet but nuzzled your head close to him, letting him hold you close to cuddle you back to sleep.
There you were, lying next to him, crying and being so vulnerable. But the most devastating part of it was that he couldn't do anything about it.
If only he could take your pain away, he would.
But would he be able to handle it? He never knows.
All that sadness seemed to magically vanish the next morning, he found you were taking something by the sink in the kitchen and washing it down with a glass of water.
"Headache again?" He guessed with his hoarse morning voice.
You smiled and walked up to him for a hug, to his surprise, and gave him a long, lingering kiss on his lips which he eagerly returned, there was nothing he likes more than making out in the morning.
"What's that for?" He asked when you pulled away.
He knew he shouldn't doubt your motives but he couldn't help but be curious.
"Why? I can't give my boyfriend a morning kiss?" You asked back while taking a cup of coffee from the coffee machine.
Changbin got flustered at the word boyfriend, heard you saying it just made it real for him, that the two of you were dating.
He put a hand around your waist and kissed your neck, making you laugh in response, almost sloshing the hot coffee in your cup.
"Changbin!" You called with a nagging voice.
"What? I can't give my girlfriend a morning kiss?" He asked back, poking fun at you.
The breakfast was already served on the dining table, Changbin sat on a chair across from you, who watched him eating while holding your coffee cup with both hands in front of you.
You looked so much yourself this morning, shyly smiling with your foot outstretched to his chair and rubbing over his thigh. It was like the girl who cried into his chest last night never happened or a total stranger.
"Why did you cry last night?" He asked.
"Me? Crying?" You asked with a questioning look on your face.
Changbin chuckled, he took it that maybe you were embarrassed to admit it.
"Was it a bad dream?"
Your foot inched closer to the bulge his cock made against his sweatpants, "maybe, I don't know. I don't even know that I cried," you said.
He grabbed your foot by the ankle and lifted it just enough that he could see the white underwear you were wearing under the pajama top.
He set your foot down and continued eating his breakfast.
You frowned and put your coffee cup down on the table, "you know this dining table has the perfect height," you stated.
Changbin tried to ignore your words but he sensed that his body would betray him soon.
Getting bolder, you walked up to him and sat on his lap, resting your head on his shoulder.
You softly laughed into his ear once you saw his glare.
"I can't even sit on your lap?" You innocently asked.
He ignored it again and drank his juice, maybe out of reflex, he put a hand around your waist without he intended to.
"Bin..." you called in a whispery voice.
"I miss you..." you seductively said with the sole purpose of seducing him.
"You rarely home lately," you sulked while pressing your mouth onto his neck.
You took his hand and guided it to your clothed core, heating against the flimsy fabric.
"I've been touching myself," you said, dragging your mouth close to his ear.
"But nothing comes close to when you're the one touching it," you said in a sultry voice.
Changbin couldn't pass the chance to spoil you and make you cum altogether, especially since you were the only person he wanted to please so badly and you praised him, being so needy for him pushed all the right buttons on him.
"You want me to touch you?" He asked, giving in to the temptations.
You nodded.
When it comes to pleasing you, he knows what to do. He gently traced your fold against the fabric, easily spotted your clit then gave it light touches in circular moves.
You squirmed on his lap and began touching yourself, cupping your breasts with your hands.
Changbin slid your underwear to the side, fingers wading your wet heat, and felt you up in fluttering touches. Your arched back, the curve of your ass, and the weight on your body made friction against his growing bulge, pulsating in desire.
He bit his lower lip with eyes intently looking at your face basking in pleasure from his two fingers going inside you.
"Do you like that?" He asked you while pressing a kiss on your temple.
"Mmh yeah," you managed to answer him despite lacking oxygen from constantly moaning.
You put your hands around his strong arms and twisted your head to meet his, locked lips with him as his fingers went in and out of you.
He curled his fingers inside you and easily found the sensitive spot, making you gasp into his kiss. He smirked ever so subtly, feeling proud to make you almost snap with a simple move.
"Bin," you whined, squeezing his bicep with your hand, "I want you inside me."
He pulled away from the kiss just enough to put a few inches of space, "am I not inside you enough?" He pushed his fingers deep to his knuckles, making you gasp again.
You shook your head, "Not enough," you whined with pouty lips.
He slowly drew his fingers out of you and showed the fingers coated with your juice to you, "You want me to fuck you on the dining table?"
You put those fingers inside your mouth and licked them clean, pulled them out of your mouth with a gasp.
"Yes, please?" you finally answered.
There was nothing he wanted more than to give you what you wanted, especially when you asked him nicely like that.
There were no games, no teasing, you simply asked him what you wanted and he'll give it to you.
"Get on the table for me then!" He ordered.
You gave him a haste kiss on the mouth before getting off his lap and sitting on the dining table in front of him.
Changbin followed, getting up from his chair and removing his t-shirt in one swift move.
You were unbuttoning your pajama top when he came up to you, leaning in for a kiss.
"Is this some kind of fantasy of yours?" He asked.
"Huh?"
"To have sex on the dining table?"
You laughed and put your hands on his waist, "maybe, yeah," you vaguely answered.
He kissed you again, hard and deep, while your hands pulled his sweatpants just enough to let out his throbbing cock and gently stroked it.
"We have to get it out of the way, right?" He said with a finger tugged at the elastic band of your underwear.
"Of course!"
You lifted your ass just enough to help him take off your underwear and pulled it down your legs, laughing at how he threw the piece of undergarment somewhere onto the floor.
You held him close, kissing his chest and his muscles wrapped in warm skin, "my big man!" You hummed as you planted kisses on the column of his throat.
He never knew he likes to be called that until you said it but the way you emphasized the ownership over him got his heart full to the brim with warm feelings.
"Come and fuck me on this dining table, big man!" You said while laughing, slightly reclining on the table with your legs open, ready to take him.
Gosh, how did you make him in love and aroused at the same time?
Changbin smeared the pre-cum leaking from the tip all over his length and stroked it a few times while kissing you down, his other hand rubbed down your thigh.
Your hand lingering around his neck and the other holding his arm, the crease between his eyebrows deepened as he focused on entering you.
"Oh my God," you breathlessly muttered, squeezing his shoulder.
Your head was thrown back while letting out a loud moan as he kept pushing until he buried to the hilt inside you.
Changbin couldn't deny the fact that he missed being inside you too, this feeling was not like the other. Your warm, velvety walls endlessly engulfed him in unadulterated pleasure.
He put your legs around his waist and gave you both a moment to adjust to each other, using the opportunity for more kissing, more touching, and more giggles in between.
"I told you, the dining table has the perfect height," you said with a cheeky smile.
He kissed your smile with a hand on the nape of your neck, keeping you still as he kissed you and slowly began to thrust into you.
Never had he dreamed of fucking a girl on the dining table where he was having his breakfast on. Let alone having a girl ask him to have sex first thing in the morning.
His hips steadily pounding into you, as deep and as shallow as he could.
And you were so alluring.
Your shirt slid down one arm, your hand gripped his shoulder, and moans spilled out of your mouth, calling his name once in a while in a needy tone.
Even if you couldn't tell him verbally, he could tell that you were enjoying it as much as he did from how your face looked.
"Harder, Bin, harder," you asked.
And he delivered.
He put his hands on each side of your hips and started pounding into you harder, sending him deeper into you.
"Oh fuck!" You let out a muffled curse, clenching around him while trying to hold the climax from coming in too soon.
"Just let go!" He told you, knowing that you couldn't hold it much longer from the way your walls fluttered around him and sucked him deeper.
Changbin couldn't hold himself much longer either, he almost lost it a few times, almost burst even.
The dining table slightly creaked and your coffee cup rattled from the excessive movements you both did on it.
"So close," you cried out, head deep into his neck.
Changbin didn't stop nor slow down, he kept moving and chasing until you both get to your high.
He indulged himself in a warm shower with you after, planting his mouth on you and drinking the water that ran down your skin.
"Are you also working in the studio today?" You asked, tilting your head to meet his gaze.
He pecked your glistening wet lips, "yeah," he answered.
You looked down and rested one side of your face on his chest.
He sensed that you wanted him not to leave, "or should I stay?" He asked, washing your hair by raking it with his fingers.
"No, it's okay. I'll be working on my drawings anyway," you said, kissing him on the lips with your hands roaming around his toned upper body.
He watched as you dried your hair in front of the mirror while you stared at your reflection only in your undergarments, one foot crossed the other by the ankle.
You looked beautiful as always but as he kept staring, he suddenly felt sad about leaving you again.
You disappeared to your closet and came out already dressed in a white sweater and dark leggings, applying a lip balm on your lips as you leaned down the vanity table to check how you looked.
He followed to where you headed, your workroom to get back to your drawings.
"Where are you going?" He asked, stopping you in your track.
You lingered by the doorway to the workroom, "working, of course!" You simply answered.
"And I'm leaving for work too," he said.
"So?"
"So?" He repeated with a gasp of disbelief and pouted, "Aren't we going to kiss before I leave?"
You pursed your lips and leaned against the doorway, "Uhm... Nah, I'm alright," you replied and tried to hold in your laughter, "Have a good day at work though!" You said, then went inside.
Changbin stood there in disappointment and waited, just in case you were joking but after a moment, he met another disappointment.
"I'm leaving then," he meekly said from the top of the stairs.
He didn't hear your reply and purposely stomped his foot down the step, "bye!" He shouted out loud and filled the house with his voice.
He then heard your laughter from the workroom, then you came out of the room, and walked in his direction.
"Come here you big cuddly man," you ran to him until your body crashed into him and he took you into his arms.
You kissed him hard where teeth and tongue clashed against each other.
You let go first but he was quick to capture your lips again and gave you a spin, making you squeal against his lips.
"Bye!" You said the second you let go of the kiss and put your feet down on the floor again.
Changbin didn't know why but as he cradled your face in his hands, he got the urge to tell you what he feels, what you made him feel.
"You know that I love you, right?" He asked, running his thumb over your lips.
There was a glint in your eyes that he couldn't quite decipher what was it that he saw for a split second before a smile rose on your face, "I know," you replied.
He tenderly kissed you with his heart full of his love for you no matter how much he said it to you.
"Don't skip your meals, okay?" He reminded you.
You nodded with a smile.
"Bye," he said again, couldn't help but planted a quick kiss on your cheek.
He climbed down the stairs and headed for the door, waving his hand at you.
There was nothing out of ordinary but he knew there was a slight change in you, he just couldn't pinpoint what it is, but it made him uneasy, it made him disinclined to leave you.
He looked at you again, waving your hand at him from the top of the stairs with that sweet smile on your face.
"I'll be back soon," he promised.
A promise that this time he would make sure to keep, then closed the door behind him.
-
"Hello, mom?" You asked through the phone with a hoarse voice.
"Hello honey," your mother answered your call.
"Oh, I was about to call you last night," she said, there were a lot of rustles from the other end and it seemed that your mother was in the middle of something.
"Are you busy?" You asked.
Your mother sighed and you could feel her heavy breath, "your sister has been under stress lately. She messed up her recital," she answered, sounding so weary.
"Ah," you beamed.
"Is she okay?" You asked.
"She's a little bit... upset but we'll manage," she answered, then changed.
There were a few seconds of silence and your mother cleared her throat before changing the subject.
"How are you, honey? Are you doing well? Are you eating well?" Your mother asked the same series of questions she would ask whenever the two of you have a phone call.
You gripped your phone and balled your hand into a fist on your lap, "I'm okay," you answered even though you were close to tears.
"I'm sorry that we rarely contact you," your mother apologized, "but your sister rather needs our help now," she explained.
You swallowed a lump in your throat as far down and fought it from rising to your throat, "I understand," you said.
"I'll have your dad call you later, okay?"
"Okay," you shortly replied.
"Love you, honey! Bye!"
And before you could answer, the line was already dead.
Your hand dropped to your side and stared down at your drawings, scribbles of nothing but failures.
You put your legs up and hugged your knees close, feeling so small in the vast of your own house, in the dark that was about to engulf you in it.
You opened your journal and flipped to that day's date, unable to find something to write, something meaningful, a reason why you shouldn't let the darkness take you.
But you couldn't find any.
It had been like that for the past few days, it got worse when Changbin wasn't around and left you with your thoughts.
You turned your chair to see the day had turned to night, a hand outstretched to turn on the desk lamp but you retreated, maybe it was better to give in and stayed there in the dark.
You didn't know for how long you've been fighting with yourself, this inner demon that tells you to give up and surrender, completely.
But you knew what it felt like.
It felt like trying to swim with a stone tied to your feet and every day you asked yourself if you would ever make it ashore, you kept swimming but the sea is so vast, endless and the shore kept getting away from your reach.
You kept swallowing water on what you thought was air and it kept weighing you down.
And it seemed like you get to the point that swimming became meaningless, there was no use in trying anymore.
It seemed as if the harder you swim, the faster you sink.
You were so close to giving it up when Changbin put his arms around you, pulled you out of the water, and reminded you to breathe.
He came right as you were about to drown, that was why you were crying. And you kept crying because you didn't know if you were grateful for it or he should have just let you, drop you back into the water.
But all he needed to know was that it was all just a bad dream and it will be gone soon.
All he needed to know was that you were still you, all smiles and playful, needy for him and craving his body so much, loves being physical and intimate with him.
All he needed to know was that you love him, love him too much that it made you sad.
He didn't need to know how broken you are and how you didn't deserve this much love from him, how impossible it was for you to return the love in the same amount.
"I'm leaving then!"
You heard him shout from outside the workroom while your fingers were gripping the pen after you wrote something in your journal.
I love him, you wrote. The pen made a deep puncture on the paper as you pressed the pen with so much force that it shakes.
"Bye!" He shouted again.
And you held in your tears.
You didn't want to leave like this, he deserved a proper goodbye.
You hurriedly dabbed the tears pooling in the corner of your eyes with the heel of your palm and dashed outside.
You saw him with one foot down the steps and ran to him, "Come here, you big cuddly man!" You said with the brightest smile.
You put all of your feelings and let them take over you, wholly and completely. You let him feel how much you love him through your kisses and he gave you a spin, making your heart leap.
But as much as your heart flutters, your heart hurts.
And he felt it too, that was why he gave you an affirmation.
"You know that I love you, right?"
Yes, and it hurts. You answered in your head but you responded with a nod instead, didn't want to make it harder than it already is.
"Don't skip your meals, okay?"
You nodded again because once you opened your mouth, your tears would get ahead of your words.
"Bye!" He said with a last kiss on your lips and it felt so bittersweet, tasted so much like parting.
"I'll be back soon," he said as he lingered by the door and you really hoped he did.
When the door closed, you dropped and sat on the step of the stairs, crying because that would be the last time you'll ever see him.
Your cries filled the space that echoed back the loneliness back to you and kept haunting you about how much you've been suffering all alone.
You waited and waited, counting down the time along to the sun slowly sinking into the horizon until its last sliver disappeared, then it'll be dark for you forever.
-
Changbin had been restless all day.
He kept reminding himself to go home soon and kept true to his words. He rejected his friends' offer for dinner and drink after working hours in the studio. He skipped everything and drove home, didn't even think of buying dinner on the way.
He just needed to see you.
When he arrived, the house was dark except for the lamps in the garden. His first thought was maybe you were too busy drawing and forgot to turn on the lights like you usually do.
He glanced up to the window of the workroom and found it dark as well, he hurriedly unlocked the door and went inside.
He called your name a few times but the silence answered him, he ran upstairs and went straight to your bedroom.
He almost couldn't believe it but he found white pills scattered on the bed, ones that you always took whenever you had a headache.
He thrashed the room and found you vomiting into the toilet bowl with your hand stuck to your throat.
"What are you doing?" He said in a panicked, concerned, and terror altogether.
You stuck your fingers deep into your throat until you gagged and everything came out, into the toilet bowl.
He saw all the white pills you vomited and that was when it hits him, that he failed.
He stood there frozen, unable to move and his ears were ringing. All he did was saw you crying and retching at once, head down the toilet bowl.
"Get me... to the..." you retched air with saliva dribbling down your chin, "hospital!" You finished your sentence with tears down your face and vomit all over your mouth.
He snapped out of his trance and fumbled for the phone in the back pocket of his jeans, he punched the emergency number, calling for an ambulance. He stuttered his words but managed to tell the operator the address to your house.
He put his phone away and immediately ran to your side, holding you close, so tight, and never letting go.
You were sobbing with his arms around your chest, "don't leave me alone with my thoughts," you cried to him.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he repeatedly said to you, holding you even tighter with all the regrets he had in him, for leaving you, for failing you, for not being there when you needed him the most.
He was there when you were taken into an ambulance and held your hand the whole ride to the hospital. He was there with you as you lay on the hospital bed after they pumped your stomach. He was there with you, holding your hand. He was there even though it was too late for him.
The doctor told him you wouldn't be awake for the next few hours and told him to go home. He decided to do so and packed some of your things for you.
But the grim welcomed him.
The house was exceptionally clean and in place, quiet and still. He went upstairs and wasn't ready to go to your bedroom yet, got reminded of what just happened a few hours ago.
He went to your workroom and it seemed like you tidied up well, because everything was in its place. There was a box on your desk, a box that he remembered you asked him to get from the cupboard a few weeks ago.
He went there and opened it, the contents were of random things, pictures, letters, and all sorts of mementos. He noticed there was a note under the lid.
Remember only the good things, you wrote on it.
There was no use in fighting back his tears so he let himself cry. His hand rummaged the bottom of the box to get your journal and went through page per page, even though he had seen your earlier entries.
But that was also when he realized that all the random things you wrote on them were the reasons why you didn't do it, what got you through the day. That only meant you've been in it long enough and he was stupid to realize it.
He went through the last few pages, the one he hadn't seen, and found it bare with nothing, not even a drop of ink on it.
But on the last one of that day, he saw your last entry.
I love him.
He collapsed onto your chair, reclined until his head tilted upward at the ceiling and crying out loud. The sound of his cries bounced back into him in the form of echoing regrets, a constant reminder that he failed, he failed miserably.
-
He stayed in the hospital with you, spent the whole day watching over you, and didn't let go of your hand even for a mere second.
You finally woke up at night, slowly turning your head at him and looking at him. Both of you have a lot of things and nothing to say at the same time for each other.
But his heart hurts every time the thought that he almost lost you forever a few hours ago and if you weren't told him to call for an ambulance, he would never be able to forgive himself for it. He cried again because it felt like this wouldn't happen if he stayed with you.
You grabbed his hand and squeezed, "I'm sorry," you croaked.
He hushed you and leaned in so close, caressing the side of your face with such tenderly like you were a fragile object that would break if he didn't handle you with care.
"I'm sorry," you said again, crying and wetting your cheeks with more tears.
He got on the bed even though it was too small for two people but he didn't care, he wanted to hold you close.
"Are you okay?" He asked.
You nodded.
He nodded along with you, rubbing your back and carefully not to mess up the IV drip on your hand.
"Are you in pain?" He asked, his voice breaking at the end of the sentence.
You shook your head then put your head in his chest, crying. He was wrong to ask you that, maybe your pain wasn't physical and visible to the eyes, maybe that was why he didn't see the pain you hide deep inside.
Changbin gathered his thoughts and calmed himself down, he tried to organize things to say to you in his head.
"I promise to learn to cook from now on," he said with a sad laugh.
"I promise that I'll never mistake café mocha for mocha latte again," he said, sniffled, and fought the urge to cry.
He paused to catch a breath, "I promise you that there'll be a sunrise that is more beautiful than the one we've seen weeks ago."
"I promise that I'll finish writing a song about you soon," he managed another sad laugh out of him and swallowed the lump building in his throat.
He dared himself to look you in the eyes, "I promise," he squeezed your hand so tight with both hands, "I promise that I'll never fail you again," he broke into tears no matter how much he held himself. His head dropped on the space next to your hand and uncontrollably sobbing, his body shook.
"I'm sorry I failed you," he said.
You held his head and could only do so much with the strength you had, gently caressing his head with your fingers slipped between his soft curls and crying together with him because the truth was you both failed each other.
A moment passed in silence, Changbin kissed your forehead and tilted your head so he could look at your face.
He sighed and his warm breath brushed your skin, "if only you can see yourself through my eyes," he pressed a kiss on your forehead, warm and tender like how his affection felt on you.
"you can see how much I adored you, how much I like your smiles, how you shine so bright when I look at you, how beautiful you are, how your eyes tenderly gaze at me," he said.
"I wish you know how much I love you," he sadly said.
"My love for you is so big that I wonder how my heart could fit all of it in there," he continued, holding your jaw before planting a soft kiss on your lips.
"Even bigger than all of my muscles," he joked.
You softly laughed while still crying into his chest, clutching a fistful of his shirt in your hand.
"I love you so much," he said again, his heart aching from saying it.
He kissed your lips and slowly pulled away, cradling your head in his hand.
"I want to get better," you admitted, fresh tears coming out of your eyes.
He pressed his forehead against yours while looking into your eyes, "and you will," he convinced you.
He wrapped you in a warm embrace, a warm and tight embrace to convince you, he knew it'll be not easy but he promised to always be there for you along the way.
A promise that he will keep close to his heart.
-
"I'm home!" You announced once you entered the house and got greeted by the smell of something burnt wafting around the house.
You didn't have to ask to know that Changbin once again almost set the kitchen on fire. You lightly shook your head watching him putting the charred pan into the sink and sizzling as he put it under the running water.
"What should we order for dinner?" You asked, leaning against the kitchen island at him.
He got startled seeing you there, "Oh, you're home!"
He came up to you and put a hand on your jaw to bring your head close for a kiss.
You let go but he hungrily pulled you for a kiss again, you had no other choice, not with his arms around you.
"So, how did it go?" He asked, knowing that you just came home from your doctor's appointment and he knew that sometimes it can be overwhelming for you.
"It went well," you answered with a smile and put your hands around his neck.
The kind of smile that he could see the crinkles in your eyes, full of warmth and affection, the smile that he likes so much. He kissed it because he wanted to capture it and holds on to it for a long time.
"I want burgers and cheese fries," you told him once you broke the kiss.
"Got it! I'll order it right away!" He said, leaning in to kiss you again.
You stopped him with your hands on his chest, "I should go change."
"And I'll order food!" He said, picking up his phone on the dining table.
With another peck, you left upstairs and went to your bedroom to change your clothes. Instead of going back downstairs after, you headed to your workroom and sat on your chair.
You picked up your journal and flipped the page to that day's date, you smiled spotting the familiar handwriting that isn't yours.
You held it up and read it out loud, letting the words fill the quiet room.
This morning I watched you sleeping for a minute. And do you know how beautiful you looked when you were sleeping and not making fun of my cooking skill? But what got me pissed is how beautiful you looked just by being still. No wait, your existence itself is a beautiful thing to me and a beautiful thing is never perfect. And I don't want perfect. I want a beautiful flawed thing like you, like me, like us. I want what we are. Forever. I love you.
You caught your reflection foolishly grinning back at you on a turned-off monitor of your computer. He had been doing this ever since you got back from the hospital, filling your journal with heartfelt words like this, words that bleed out of him and onto the paper, words that got you smiling and reminded you to be grateful for having him in your life.
And if only he knew how he was the last thing ran through your head when you were so to your last breathe and once again, pulled you out of the water. out of the bad decision that you would never take back again and had you run to take your life back.
You bit back your tears and read the words all over again, your heart overflowed with warm feelings that won't stop flowing as you read the words over and over again.
Well, until you heard him shouted from downstairs.
"Dinner is here!"
You wiped the tears you didn't know were on your cheeks and closed your journal, putting it back on the desk.
"Coming!" You shouted back.
You ran downstairs and walked up to him who was unpacking food from the paper bags, you sat on his lap helping him spread the food on the dining table.
You stole a fry and put it between your teeth, turning your head to his side so he could eat it from the opposite end.
You both started chewing until your lips met in the middle and laughed.
You held his face and kissed him, tasting the saltiness on his lips.
"I love you," you muttered to him while carrying all the feelings you had after reading his writing in your journal.
And you do want this. A not so perfect close but it comes close to something like it. You weren't that much bothered about perfect though. You're not perfect and so does he, all humans are. You were enough with this, with him, and with this love that you always think you don't deserve to receive. But you know what? You deserve it and so much more.
"I love you," he said back without a beat and kissed you again.
He broke the kiss and dragged the food in front of you, "the food is getting cold," he said, putting a halt to the kiss that slowly turned into a full-on make-out.
You ripped the wrapper and put a pack of ketchup inside the burger, a dollop got on your finger which you immediately licked clean.
Changbin saw what you did and cleared his throat, "want to know something?"
"Yeah?"
He smirked and licked his lips before answering, "this dining table has the perfect height."
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