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yeah-they-call-me-d · 6 months

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honestly, i have tried to not let it bother me but the fact that k was already dating someone 2 months after we broke up is kind of atrocious to me. what was the point of making s scene. waking me up 6 am to yell at me and realize you absolutely fucked me. you had bitches lined up bro. YOU KNEW this shit was over too. you wouldNt have been makin your fucking contingency plan. or maybe you negated to listen when i would say “i just don’t feel like we’re close anymore” and then you proceed to do nothing. i don’t even care that you did nothing, honestly, it isn’t the part that bothers me. it’s you doing nothing but proceeding to pretend to give s fuck and then instantly a day later you’re on dating apps. yeah what i did was gross, but at least it was someone that i have genuinely loved/been in love with. honestly; maybe mine is worse. i went into a relationship knowing i was still in love with someone else. i took the option that felt safer to me. in all honesty, it really wasn’t much more safe because i look at shit i have posted, old text convos with cara, with a*****, and i was so unhappy. the fact that of all the things i said. the thing that i said to a***** about i would never marry someone without a prenup, and you saying that hurt the most to me really fucked me up.

i don’t get that honestly. why the fuck were you with me? i’m so tired of feeling like the mother fucker that can help get people out of bad situations. honestly, at this point, i probably don’t even have the right to ask. the thing is you hate HIM for agreeing with me. brother, i have so much to lose and i don’t trust that a singular person actually fucking likes me. also, to be completely honest, you can be upset about what i said to *******, but what in the actual fuck are you doin in my phone lookin at what a***** and i are fuckin talking about. i lost every single person in my life defending you in our relationship. i’m lucky that ****** came in and swooped me into a solid friend group because they have done a really good job of keeping me stable. my boy j**** on the other hand has stoked the fire within me to do everything i shouldn’t.

i am so tired of things interfering with my life. i am so tired of me, myself, being the biggest interference. imagine i had just shut my fucking mouth. imagine that i just let it fucking go and left you alone. maybe you would have come back. i keep shooting myself in the foot because i freak the fuck out. i pushed you so far away by never being able to shut my fucking mouth with you. i have truly devolved into exactly what i have been avoiding for so long. i wish i could have continued on the same path of never loving and maybe things would be better. i fell in love with the thing i could never have. to love you has been the best and worst feelings i have ever had. to love you and be around you was a feeling i’ve never experienced. it was happiness. contentment. to love you and be away from you was the worst fucking thing i have ever experienced. there were times before this year that it hurt, but this time around hit me far differently. i think that’s probably because for the first time, i realized that every single issue was always my fault. you tried your best and i was never content with that. but then, i get confused because your worst with other people was sometimes better than the best of what i got. i fell so deeply in love with you that the more you pushed the more i pulled. you did not like that. you ask for space over and over and over again. why can i leave everyone alone for eternity and feel nothing, then it comes to you and my foundation starts to crack. you aren’t responsible for holding my ass together. why do i let that be the case? why do i put this weird pressure on you that i need you? why do i need you? i have gone so long being okay with being alone. i sat in a five year relationship having a physical body, but being completely alone in my mind. why this time, did i cling so hard to you? it was never fair to you. none of this ever was. i am undeserving of your love. i am 26. i act like a 16 year old emotionally.

why do i have to be in love with you? i really don’t understand this. i don’t want to love. all that this has done has made me hurt myself. compare myself to others. try to be what you want. i don’t even know who i am half of the time. i am tired of having two voices in my head and neither of them feel like me. for some reason, being around you made me feel more myself than i have been in so long. i have never been comfortable where i land. everytime i end somewhere new it feels uncomfortably foreign. why can you see through my façade? i don’t want to be seen. why can you see through it, but no one else can? i feel i have given you less of a taste than others, but you still call me out immediately before i even realize i am doing something. why do you make me feel understood? why is it that in a room full of people, i can feel completely alone, but in a room with just you i feel full inside? what is wrong with me?

i’ve never thought that i was actually capable of being in love. i didn’t know love was an emotion in my repertoire. i thought that i had a heart of stone. i thought i could manipulate my way through life, never actually having to feel. there has never been a desire to feel. i can tell you that i have gone the majority of my life not feeling. it was always concerning to my mom. in high school i just turned my emotions off. my mom saw the light you created in me. she was never entirely comfortable with me being gay. i would talk to her about you and i could see her recoil at the thought. then one day, it switched. she saw this light inside of me that had been burnt out for so long. it made her happy. it made me feel something. i honestly don’t know that i had ever experienced a real emotion until i met you. i feel like i have always reacted in the way that people around me acted in situations. when people die around me, i don’t cry because i feel something. i cry because i know that’s what you are supposed to do. i have never cried real genuine tears until you left the first time. it sucks even more so because i have done increasingly dangerous things to feel something. or maybe it is stop feeling. how do i turn off what i did not turn on? i don’t even know what switch flipped. i just know it being on is making me a little insane. i wish you would just say you love me. i wish you would just come back. i don’t mind feeling, its nice sometimes, but this has been the opposite of nice. i am so scared and sad and nervous. why, for the love of god, why me?

i’m going to actually follow through and go ghost for a little bit. maybe forever. i just need some silence in my head and i don’t think i am allowing for myself to have that. maybe a week, a month, a year. idrk. i am shattering and i want someone to load the gun so i can pull the trigger. that will tell me it is okay to do. i know a few avenues that i can receive that from so i may go put my nose in more places it doesn’t belong. it won’t feel the same but if i pretend it could be the correct size.

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deerixiie · 3 years

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APPRECIATION POST!!

june 29th, or a little more that 6 months ago i posted my first fic. that was honestly the best decision of my life because tho tumblr is a hellsite it’s a hellsite that got me through a hellish year. i just want to come out and express my extreme gratitude for all of the people who have gotten me through 2020.

my followers. i remember when i first hit 100 and i was so excited bc 100 ppl in the world actually appreciated my writing enough to follow me...and then more of you guys started coming and sent sweet asks and suddenly i felt so loved 🥺 i didn’t expect to gain the following i did on this hellsite but i did and i love you guys so much :( thank u so much for being here through it all and making this year so much better!!

character anons/other anons; i know i don’t have much and not all of u are active but you!!! you guys are the bestest people on earth!!! shoyo, haji, yams, and all my noya anons,,, i love u guys sm. seeing you in my inbox made me so happy and i loved interacting w you 🥺💗 i hope you guys have an amazing new year and i hope you can talk more soon!! same goes for my other anons, 💜, 🍁, iara, and all the other anons that have send me asks, i love you guys so much!! getting anons and asks was something that made me feel so appreciated and important and seeing your asks always made my day!! ily guys <3

@sa-suga, @neonghxst, @sanso, @starrysamu, @stelleum, @myelocin, and a whole bunch of others writers; you are the most amazing people on the planet. writing on a site like this that gives little to no appreciation is so amazing of you :( your fics have made me smile, laugh, cry, and even grow as a person and i’m so grateful for that! bc of u i was able to distract myself from all the crappy things that happened this year. ily guys so much!

and now, my mutuals!!

@hajiimes; cola i will always always start with you. my closest friend, writing genius, someone i can bounce ideas off of, ask for help, watch movies with, voice call for hours with, and simp over characters with. getting close with you was one of the best things of this year and i really appreciate you for it. its really refreshing to have such a close friend i can really turn to and talk to about stuff that’s bothering me and i know i do it a lot and i’m a terrible friend sometimes but you’re always there for me :( and yeah we tease each other a lot and you’re honestly so annoying sometimes but yeah it’s fun and i love you so <3 STOP MAKING BREAKUP PLAYLISTS OKAY IM SORRY

@sugakuns + @suikazura + @kageyuji + @miyasangel + @giorvanna + @sophiawithstars + @hajiimes; i literally could not have gotten through 2020 without dinonet. it’s the first discord server and probably only discord server that i’ve really felt at home in because you all are so accepting and sweet. your support and love and kindness have gotten me past this year. i’ve been able to laugh and scream and vent and word vomit and be myself because of you all and i’m so appreciative of that. i cant wait for an entire new year with you all, ilysm!

@mehreya; you changed your url and i freaked tf out but ANYWAYS HEYYY~ rae i literally. i literally love you so much like. where would i be without you? you’re so welcoming and comforting and i love you so much :( if there’s anyone i’d share a deformed braincell with, it’s with you!! i feel like i can relate to you?? so much?? i literally keysmash in your inbox sending like 12 messages and i don’t have to worry about you getting upset because you do the same thing right back. we share really similar interests and you’re so compassionate and sweet and ugh i’m gna cry ily

@suikazura; bae i. how do i even say this. you’re literally the kindest, sexiest, funniest, loveliest person i’ve ever met. when i had a really bad day and broke down you were there to hype me up and tell me such wonderful things that i still think about all the time. you wrote a poem comparing me to the sun. ME?? THE SUN?? sui i don’t even know where to go with this ive never had someone do that for me and you doing that just makes me tear up and i’m tearing up writing this- and i love your humor so much despite the fact that it haunts me to this day and your art is so pretty and i could look at it for hours. like man i can’t believe someone like you exists i don’t deserve you at ALL. ilysm bubs

@cavalree; AZZIE WE HAVENT EVEN TALKED THAT MUCH BUT OUR CONVERSATION YESTERDAY WAS >>> THIS IS ME SAYING WE SHOULD TALK MORE WE HAVE A LOT IN COMMON

@fairyoomi + @luvromis + @rilacry; we’ve been moots for So Long but i have no idea what to talk about w u so i get intimidated and don’t talk :( ily guys so much though, you’re really sweet and kind and your humor is literally top tier. this is so weird to say but reading ur self-ship posts makes me so happy bc i feel like i can be open about my self-ship too,, it rlly comforts me and makes me feel loved hehe. i miss talking to u guys even though it was barely anything and i rlly hope 2021 is the year we get closer!!

@sophiashortcake + @star-puff + @kurooskult; we’ve recently become mutuals but i love your vibes!! i really hope i get to interact with you more next year so we can become closer <3

@bunx; BIG SIS!! literally i feel so bad for not talking to u because you’re literally the blueprint :( i just don’t know what to talk about and then get all freaked out XBSKSJD i’ve stared at your disc so many times debating what to say cbsjs but anyway thank you so much for being here from the beginning! i know for a fact ill wouldnt be where i am today w/out u 🥺 ilysm bubs

other moots that made this year so much more beautiful i want to get closer too!: @haikoo, @4fterh0urs, @run-004, @sugasugawarau, @s4ijoh, @gg9183, @baeshijima 🥺💗💗, @kozu-mei , @kaguol ily all so so much, you all are such amazing ppl and i hope we get to talk more!!

#important broadcasts #i love you all a lot #i don’t know where i’d be without your support and love #it’s been such a crazy year but it’s been so much better w u

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roseworth · 3 years

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you thought i was done? you fool

i am very upset that the Dark Prince Eugene plot line was basically forgotten about. i remember watching destinies collide for the first time and eugene found out he was a prince i was so excited bc omg??? its so crazy and cool and i was hoping the show would do a lot with that

but. they did not.

the last time we hear anything about him technically being a prince is the line in destinies collide when he goes "thumbnail: im a prince. probably." then its never brought up again. we do get more edmund, which is cool, but nothing about either of them being royalty (other than people calling edmund "your majesty"). the idea of him being a prince is completely forgotten, along with fitzmom, but ill get to her in a sec.

there was so much potential for eugene being a prince! ive seen some posts about theories people made before season three and its just so disappointing to look at them and realize that none of it happened. imagine if we got dark kingdom history and how it relates to eugene! or if we got any plot line surrounding eugene as the dark prince! that would have been so cool for his character and his arc to need to come to terms with the fact that hes actually royalty and hes part of this bloodline sworn to protect the moonstone

dont get me wrong, i love that he chooses to trust rapunzel in destinies collide. he realizes that he cares about her and her safety, but wont stand in her way. i love it! but i wish we had more about what it meant to him that he knows his heritage now and he realizes that his family now (rapunzel, lance, etc) is more important than his birth family.

also think about how literally nothing would change if he wasnt a prince. i like the meaning of how the lost prince and the lost princess found each other (🥰) but it was never brought up again. if edmund was just a random dark kingdom knight instead of the king, it wouldnt change a single thing. why even bother making him a prince if you dont do anything with it?

honestly, everything about the dark kingdom was completely ignored. they didnt give us any information about what the dark kingdom really was until destinies collide, then never again after that. they even set up an important plot point regarding the dark kingdom with quirin's note, but that was tossed aside too. rewatching that part of qfad is always weird because quirin has such a strong scene when he's alone and looking through his dark kingdom things, and the audience is like "wow i cant wait until we learn more about his past!" and then we dont learn anything other than that the dark kingdom exists and he used to live there. they even took the time to highlight that he was writing a note to varian, assumedly with information about the dark kingdom, then that didnt happen.

we get no information about what the dark kingdom used to be other than that they were protecting the moonstone. and the mind trap just... exists. for no reason. they dont bring it up until halfway through season 3 and they dont give an explanation as to why it exists in the first place (or why it was at the spire and not IN the dark kingdom?) there are a lot of holes to fill in when it comes to dark kingdom history, which is very sad because finding out more about where eugene came from would have been so cool :(

and fitzmom! the way she was treated shows a lot of the problems in the show, but im just gonna focus on how it shows the mistreatment of the dark kingdom. basically, she had plenty of potential. shes eugenes mom, she died because of the moonstone, anything could happen, right? then she didnt even get a name, and she was never mentioned after destinies collide. we didnt get to see her at all outside of that one picture. but the moonstone and the dark kingdom are a huge part of the show, and she lived in the dark kingdom and was killed by the moonstone, so it would make sense if they talked more about what happened to her. but instead they just forgot about her?? we dont even know HOW she died other than that is was related to the moonstone.

but going back to eugene, we barely get to see how finding out about his mom then finding out she died because of the stone that rapunzel is about to grab affects him. hes sad for a little bit, then after he talks to pascal suddenly all his feelings about it go away. i feel like asking for her to be mentioned more than once throughout the whole show should be the bare minimum, but we dont even get that.

this is already a lot longer than i thought it would be so im gonna stop, but i just want to say that i wish we got more canon dark kingdom content. the fact that the dark kingdom wasnt really even talked about in season 3 until the very end when edmund and the brotherhood went back is really sad. and along with that, a major part of eugenes backstory was forgotten about because the dark kingdom was ignored.

tl;dr: eugene as the dark prince should have been talked about more in canon. the dark kingdom as a whole was ignored and it's sad because there is so much heritage surrounding it, and the moonstone is the reason the whole plot of the show is happening.

#also varian!! he has dark kingdom heritage too that they never talk about :(#you would think that after the whole show puts so much importance on birth families that they would mention the characters that came from t #it just makes me sad. there was so much potential in the dark prince eugene plot line that was completely forgotten about #anyways this is a long way of asking for everyone to please send every single dark prince eugene fic you've ever read to me #tangled #negativity

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sery-chan-13 · 3 years

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Games

Chapter 7 to '100 Promises'

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Warnings: Swearing, violence, bullying, blood, I think that's it, but as always feel free to tell me if I missed any.

"I finally got contact lenses. I think they'll be better than my glasses. I mean, yeah, I'll probably still use them, but it's... nevermind, what do you think?" He rambled, a dorky smile on his face. "If it'll make you happy, then you look great," you said, smiling, honestly meaning your words. "I'm asking for your opinion woman, stop giving me the 'if it makes you happy' bullshit. Give me your opinion," he stated, shaking your shoulders."It looks good! I'm not used to seeing you without your glasses, but you look good!" You laughed, your words coming out in a vibrato of sorts from him shaking you. "I'm glad you think so."

"Dear gods my hair is getting long..." he muttered, running his hands through his hair, staring at himself in the bathroom mirror. "I think it looks good," you commented, passing by the bathroom with a laundry basket. "Really? I think I kind of like it too..."

"And how much does it hurt?" He questioned. "Not that much, or so I've heard. Plus, we're getting it at the same time, so... no backing out, or I'll cut your hair," you threatened, your hold on his hand tightening a bit. "No, don't you dare. And I won't back out," he said as you dragged him into the shop. (The fact I've been threatened with that-)

"I somehow can't believe we looked like that!" You laughed, pointing at the photo on your phone. It was from high school, and you were both laughing at how dorky you both looked. "Oh gods... actually, I was kind of hot," you said, giggling a bit. "Have we really changed that much?" Niragi questioned. "Well, let's see," you said, opening the camera and telling Niragi to get into frame. He did so, and you both stuck out your tongues, the matching piercings glinting in the light. You snapped the photo, and put it side by side the one from high school. "Wow... that's a big difference, holy shit," he laughed. You snickered, and posted side by side comparison of the the photos. "Yeah. Huge difference."

"Hatter would like to see you... Alone."

You looked back at Ann, and nodded, getting up. "If she's going, I'm going with," Niragi said, getting up himself. "He said he wants to speak to (Y/N) alone. Respect to rules for once please," Ann chided, as you walked to her side. Niragi laughed, finishing with a smirk, "And since when do I listen to the rules?"

You looked back at him with a proud, yet embarrassed face. Definitely not the same Niragi from back in the real world. He was more confident than you last remembered, that was for sure. "Dude, I'll be totally fine. The least they could do is kill me," you said, a bit to nonchalantly for his tastes. "That seems like a worse case scenario, but ok." he responded, "I'm still going with you." "No, you're not. Look, I'll be fine ok? Just wait outside the door," you suggested. He scoffed, but nodded nontheless. Ann stayed quiet, watching this exchange. 'So... is that all it takes to convince him? Really? All we needed was this girl?' Were her thoughts.

"Oh good, you're here!" Hatter exclaimed as soon as you walked in. Ann stayed outside, and shut the doors behind you. You nodded. Was he happy or just extremely charismatic? You didn't know, but whatever it was, it was nice. It made you feel like you were talking to someone you knew. Like the pleasant ladies from your apartment complex. "Well, what do you want to talk about?"

"Where are we?" You asked as you got off the train. "I don't know. Just took a random train. You said you wanted another adventure," he replied. You gasped. "Niragi Suguru, you did not," you said, grabbing onto his hand to make sure you didn't lose him in the large crowd. "I did. And what of it?" He asked, dragging you out. "Oh my gods... Excuse me, sorry to bother you, but which city are we in?" You asked one of the people who worked there. They smiled and answered with, "Shinjuku. Are you lost?" You shook your head. "No, we'll be fine. Thank you very much!" You said. Niragi dragged you to the exit. "I don't look presentable to be in Shinjuku right now, Niragi," you said, hiding your face. "You always look nice though. And it's called opportunity. I took it, and now we're here. So, let's take advantage of this, yeah?"

Hatter sat you down. "From what Ann and Aguni reported back to me, you're a quick thinker. Great shot apparently. They were both very impressed," he started. You smiled. "I'm honored they felt that way," you said. Hatter chuckled. "Well, Ann said you'd do well in either position of a militant or an executive. And it's just your luck the precious person who held number 7 recently... died. The games, obviously. Before you came here, actually. Maybe it was a sign it was meant to be yours. And, since you've proven yourself useful, I think it's a good idea," Hatter said, rambling a bit. "That's a bit too high for me, isn't it?" You questioned. You had just gotten here, you couldn't possibly be up that high already. "Uh... no. It's not. So, as of today, you shall be a militant," he said dramatically. You laughed, thanking him as he gave you a wristband with the number seven written on the blue tag. You slipped it on your wrist. "Oh, and just so you know, Aguni will most likely take you under his wing. The militants are mostly guys, so be careful. And... uh... your friend can help you find everything. He'll also show you to your new room. That is all. Goodbye now," he said cheerfully. You smiled brightly, thanking him.

You opened the door to leave, seeing Niragi leaning on the wall across the door. You smiled, closing the door softly behind you. "I'm back," you said. He nodded, "I can see that." "Can you really? You have your contact lenses?" You asked, skeptical. He nodded his head. "Surprisingly," he added. "Hmm... and for how many more days do you have them?" You questioned as he led you through the hotel. "Well, I've been in the borderland about 2 and a half weeks-"

"Woah, hold up... you'd been gone for six months up in the real world-"

"Well, I'm starting to think time runs differently in both places. Because no way in hell have I been here 6 months."

"Ok... continue on."

You two talked about whatever came to mind just like you used to. It was like you never skipped a beat. He lead you down into where they kept the weapons. "Only milatants and Hatter are allowed down here. This is the basement, and also where we keep the weapons. So, take your pick," he said, a smirk on his face. "You're a bit to proud of this aren't you?" You asked, looking over the different weapons. "Maybe," he responded. You didn't have to look at him to know he was smirking, you could just hear it in his voice. You picked out a knife that had a strap around. You also picked up a riffle similar to Niragi's, and turned to face him. "Ok, I'm good," you said. "Tomorrow, the militants are heading out on a supply run. Which means you now too. You can wear actual clothes now, isn't that fun?" He joked. You rolled your eyes shoving him playfully. He ran his tongue over his teeth. "That's really how you want to play, huh (L/N)?" He asked. You could hear the tone behind his words. The tone that meant run or your fucked, because whatever game he's scheming will end with you caught. It was quite normal for you two. Playing games with each other was a hobby back in the real world. Didn't matter how childish or immature they were. "Ouch, my last name? That hurts... Suguru." (Is that his last name or his first name? I don't know, I've been treating it as his last name, but I'm probably wrong) You giggled, running off. There was probably tons of places to hide inside the basement, and probably even more places throughout the beach.

"How was last night? Did you have fun?" He teased as soon as you woke up. You rolled your eyes. "Don't even talk to me about last night. Another disappointment," you groaned, rubbing your eyes. "Damn. That bad, huh?" He said, handing you a mug with coffee in it. You took a sip, and smiled. Perfect... He always made really good coffee, and it impressed you. "Yeah... definitely that bad. I heard him leave this morning, let's hope he never comes back," you said. Niragi laughed, taking a sip of his own coffee. The sunlight came in through the sliding glass door of your apartment. The sky was painted with pinks and purples. Gold dusted the clouds as the sun touched them. It was perfectly picturesque. "One day, we won't have to live in a sucky apartment building, you know? I promise you that one day we'll have... I don't know where do you want to live?" He asked you. You both walked over to the couch, sitting next to eachother. "I don't know... I'd go anywhere as long as I can still have my best friend with me.''

"Come on out, (Y/N). I'll find you sooner or later. We need sleep," he shouted. You stifled a laugh, and crouched down, sneaking around. You could see him looking around for you. You moved backwards, bumping into someone. You slowly turned around. It was the guys Niragi had introduced as 'Last Boss'.

Throughout the day, you had actually had the opportunity to talk to him a bit. More like you talked, while he observed you, occasionally making a sound of sorts to show you he was listening. He'd also answered your questions, so you thought he wouldnt be that bad. You made the quiet signal, putting a finger to your lips. He looked down quizzically. "Playing a game. Can't let him find me. Wanna join?" You whispered to the mysterious man. He nodded slightly, still a bit confused. "Ok, the objective is to not get caught by Niragi. He doesn't know you're playing yet, so I'll figure something out... oh, I got it! You go hide," you whisper shouted, shooing him off. He went to go hide, and you climbed to the top of one of the darker places. "A new player has joined in. One seeker, two hiders!" You shouted. You heard Niragi laugh. "Dumbass! You're letting me know where you are!" You smirked. That's what you wanted him to think.

"Oh nice! You got his glasses that's 20 points!" The boys shouted. You struggled to get out of the ropes tied your hands together. You heard Niragi groan, and looked up, seeing him on the floor, blood dripping from his nose. "Niragi!" You shouted in worry. He looked over at you, before one of the guys kicked his face into the ground. You struggled against the ropes the boys had tied around your wrist. It dug into your skin, you could feel the skin being rubbed raw from how much you had struggled against them ."So useless without eachother, huh?" One of them taunted. "Stop hurting him!" You yelled, squirming. "Oh? Would you rather we harm you then? You were always such a pretty girl... to bad you decided to defend him," the leader of their little group said, kneeling in front of you. "I don't give a damn if you hurt me. Stop hurting him!' You shouted. "(Y-y/N), don't," Niragi said, before one of the bullies kicked him in the stomach. He winced in pain, screwing his eyes shut. "Stop it! He didn't do anything to you!" You screamed, struggling even more, the ropes creating rope burn on your skin. "It's not a vengeance thing. It's fun," the leader said, grabbing your chin, making you look up at him. You glared at him in disgust, wanting so badly to just hit him, or spit on him in the moment. But you didn't. You didn't because you knew if you did either you or Niragi would get hurt. More likely Niragi, since they knew he was your weakness. "Just like it's fun making girls like you submit," he added with a smirk. "Don't you dare hurt her! Hurt me all you want, but don't touch her!" Niragi yelled. There was confidence in his words, but you also knew how scared he was. You could see it on his face. "That sounds boring though. What if we just make both of you our little puppets for the night, have you both put on a show?'' One of the guys snickered. This was followed by a chorus of 'not a bad idea' and 'sounds interesting.' You looked at Niragi, fear written all over your face.

You ran quietly, and quickly, knowing he could catch up to you. You looked around the dimly lit basement, and saw the exist to go up. Your eyes caught a flash of movement, and someone grabbed you, putting a hand over your mouth. You were shocked at first, going to scream bloody murder, before seeing it was Last Boss. He let you go, and you took a breath. "Oh my gods... dude that was scary," you whispered. He shrugged. "I have a place we can hide. I don't think he's smart enough to find it," He suggested, nodding his head over to Niragi. You stifled a laugh, and nodded, letting him lead you.

"(Y/N)! (Y/N), are you alright?" He worriedly asked, checked on you. You hissed in pain when his hands went over the bruises. "I'm sorry. This is all my fault, if I hadn't-" he started, blaming himself. You grabbed shoulders, and shook your head. "It's not your fault... it's ok," you said, sitting up. The gravel under you poked at the skin exposed from your school skirt. "I-its not ok!" He shouted. "It's... it's not ok. You shouldn't have- I could've-" he started, pulling at his hair. "Niragi. It's not your fault. You didn't... you didn't hurt me," you said, your voice calming. You grabbed his hands, pulling them towards you. You were just kids. Fucking 16 years old(not exactly a kid, but whatever), you shouldn't have to go through this stuff. No kid should. "I should be comforting you, yet here you are, making me feel better. Stop it, you're the one who-"

"Niragi, it happened to both of us. Stop acting like you're ok too."

"But- I'm supposed to... I-"

"Shut up, and come here."

He sighed, sitting besides you. You pulled his head into your lap, and he sighed. "Stop taking care of me. Stop hanging out with me, because you're the one who ends up getting hurt because of me. Please," he pleaded as you ran your fingers through his hair. "No," you responded. "(Y/N), stop being so stubborn! Please, just... just listen to me!" He shouted. You flinched at the sudden loudness. "I- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you," he apologized, noticing when you flinched. You sighed, leaning back on the concrete wall. You muttered back something along the lines of him not having to apologize. You heard thunder, and saw a flash of lightning. "It's going to rain, we should go home," Niragi said. "Don't wanna... let's stay here?" You muttered, watching the sun get covered by the clouds. You were under a bridge, so you at least had coverage. He looked up at you, and nodded. "Ok. We can," he whispered. The raindrops began to splatter on the ground outside the coverage of the bridge, and you sighed in happiness. Niragi sat up, bringing you close to him. The smell of rain filled your senses, and you couldn't help but enjoy the moment, even if you had been in emotional and physical pain before. Being there helped numb it for a while. Being with him helped numb the feeling.

"Alright... if I were (Y/N)... where would I go?" Niragi muttered to himself, walking around. It was too quiet. You weren't a quiet person unless need be, and if he remembers correctly, which he does, you had a losing streak in hide and seek since high school. You were too giggly to hide in silence, or maybe you got scared by being alone in the dark to long. Whatever it had been, you had a losing streak for almost 8 years. That was not about to change, not if he had a say in it. A part of him said he was not acting like himself, and that playing this with you was childish. Especially in the borderlands. He knew he would have to find you either way, so he stopped caring. He remembered what she had said. A new player has joined in. One seeker, two hiders! 'Ok, process of elimination....'

"So, given the fact Chishiya isn't allowed down here, I think I know who she's with, and where she is. Let's see if I'm right.''

This was more memories than actual current events... oh well- hope you enjoyed, have a wonderful day/night, baii!! Oh yeah, just because this is the only place people have a problem with me posting Niragi stuff, if you don't like it, the block button is right there, don't send me death threats or tell me to go kms. Thank you

#alice in borderland #niragi #×reader #this turned out kind of cute?#it'll probably get dark soon... might be bad

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reeesea · 4 years

Text

Something Sweet: Part Three

~sweet beginnings~

one ~ two ~ three ~ four ~ five ~ six ~ seven ~ eight ~ nine

pairing: minsung, jisung/minho

warning: mild language

words: 2.5k ish

summary: sweet beginnings and small apartments, also Seungmin baby shows up

a/n: Im honestly just proud of myself for posting a third chapter woo!! lemme know if you read and enjoyed <3

also the spacing got wack trying to do the text convos, so hope the bold and non bold isn't too gross to look at. Minho and Jisung

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Minho wakes up to the sun streaming in through the thinly veiled curtains over his window. Thankfully he woke up to a minimal headache in spite of having gone out to the bar and an impromptu concert the night before. Rolling over in his small twin sized bed he reached for his phone to check the time and any potentially important notifications.

9:26 am

[ 2 new messages from Rich Boy Han Jisung ]

Minho finds himself smiling at the new messages from the boy that had stumbled upon him last night.

2:25 am

Youre right I do hear it all the time

but it sounds pretty sweet coming from you ;}

I'll tell J.One you thought he was amazing

9:28 am

Careful Han, your cockiness is showing

Jisungs’s cocky demeanor does nothing but make him more endearing to the older, but something gave Minho the impression that the boy already knew this. Not expecting a reply from the other this early in the morning, Minho stretched out of bed and made his way out of his small bedroom and quietly to the shared bathroom. Not a small feat in the old apartment shared by him and his roommates. Creaky floorboards, squeaky doors, and over all close proximity to each other makes being quietly courteous in the morning a frequent challenge for the boys.

The living room at the end of the small hallway was turned into a shared bedroom for Minho's two roommates. Felix’s mattress had gotten a bed frame from some trading website a few months back when he moved in. The makeshift wall of hung shower curtains and a fold out screen gave the boys the illusion of privacy between their respective sides of the room. Even though more times than not, Minho has come home to find the lanky brunette curled up in Felix's bed instead of on his designated couch.

Climbing over the piles of the boys’ clothes, Minho makes it to the bathroom without disturbing the other two. The two were still passed out from working their night shifts, draped over each other on the freckled boy’s bed. Neither showed signs of awakening any time in the morning hours. Minho showered quickly and changed in order to make his way out of the apartment and on his way to the studio to practice his Saturday away

Minho would have thought that the both of them would have remained in their university dorms for the summer, if they weren’t able to find apartments on their own. But, at some point after he had graduated, he had gained himself plus two of his underclassmen as roommates. He really couldn't complain though, it all made sense as all three of them were a part of the same dance studio, barely a block away, and all had reasons to be saving money. Paying a fraction of rent really helped with all that had to be saved in order to pay for school, studio fees, living, breathing, and most importantly audition fees.

As the summer had set in, so had the wave of audition opportunities for companies and crews. Felix had mentioned needing to prepare a video audition last week for a few entertainment companies in the area. Hyunjin was busy trying to save up his money to pay for the upcoming semesters at school to graduate like Minho had.

Entering the practice room and being welcomed by the distinctive scent of a dance studio was enough to bring Minho back to reality. Since graduating, he had been stuck in his thoughts about what to do with his future a lot. His childhood dreams of getting into the prestigious Yellow Wood Dance Academy seemed to slip farther away from him with every passing year. His audition tapes each year during university were almost always sent back, along with a ‘We are sorry to inform you…’

It’s not like Minho couldn't keep applying, but with every year the rejection stung a little bit more, and he wasn't sure if he would be able to take another blow. No matter how confident Minho acted about his looks, when it came to dancing his ego was glass fragile. His passion for dance sometimes felt like the only thing that kept him standing, but it had been a while since he had felt rewarded for his dedication. Even when his practically broken dream haunted him a little too much, focusing back to his craft really gave him a better grasp on reality. Making his way to the front of the room to plug in his phone to pick music, a new notification popped up.

[Rich Boy Han Jisung]

10:03am

dw dw its all fake i assure you, all just a ploy to get you to like me

What you up to on this fineee saturday mornin??

Hmmm wouldnt you like to know

i only tell boys i like so...

Minho smiled in spite of himself. Even over text the sparkly eyed boy was able to pull out and dust off his genuine smile. It had definitely been a while since Minho had found himself freely smiling, but here comes Han Jisung crash landing into his life, running amuck. After spending a moment debating whether or not just to tell the younger of his activities anyway, he came to the conclusion that mentioning dance would only result in more questions, and Minho really wasn't feeling like spilling his passions and dreams with the other already.

Haha i am only even more motivated now >:D

Dont strain yourself too much with that,

im just enjoying my saturday before my shift later.

Queuing up some music Minho migrated to the middle of the room to casually freestyle and warm up for the day. Allowing the music to flood his ears, movements to take over his limbs, and only his feet to remind him of where he was, Minho’s mind went blank as he began to relax and give up control of his body to the steady beats of the song.

---

By the time Minho wrapped up his practice and was heading home the sun was already starting to settle on the lower half of the sky. Surprisingly the day had passed him by quickly. Spending the whole day grinding out a routine he had been recently working to perfect was not usually an overall fun time, but Minho found that he was able to keep his practice productive and enjoyable.

His smile throughout the day certainly had nothing to do with his breaks to text to Jisung. The casual banter between them felt natural, and the light conversation made him feel lighter on his feet as he moved across the floor. Even with the flirty nature of their introduction, their conversation never steered far from how anyone would expect two close friends to interact. Minho found himself smiling more throughout the day as he checked Jisung’s messages throughout the morning and afternoon.

12:25 pm

Also for the record my capacity to flirt is honestly quite unimpressive

I hope you aren’t talking to me for my stage charisma and charm

To sweep you off you feet, i may be a disappointment

Usually i'm just awkward, cant flirt, doesnt leave the house, Jisung

You almost tripped over your feet walking into the bar last night

Dw im not sure id want you to sweep me off my feet with that balance

You wound me ;--;

By talking to Jisung, he had somehow managed to satisfy all of Minho’s previous curiosities while sparking new ones. Even with Minho generally avoiding giving away his own personal interests and dreams, Jisung didn't hold those same reservations and filled their conversation with “fun facts” and lively stories. Jisung’s lively play by play of the bickering taking place between his group mates, now officially introduced as Chan and Changbin, had Minho giggling on the floor of the practice room. The way Jisung described everything brought it to life in ways that he hadn’t expected from a casual text conversation. The boy was definitely a great storyteller even just over type, and Minho found himself wondering if he would get to hear his endless stories in person.

---

[Rich Boy Han Jisung]

3:36 pm

Youre one interesting man Lee Minho

Han, you know almost nothing about me

On the contrary I feel like I know a good amount

Youre name is Lee Minho

You work at the fancy restaurant Menu 98

You used to work at the bar we were at last night

You have a really beautiful smile

…

Are you quite done

Definitely not but if i start going off about how stunning your eyes are

you might block me

Which would be a shame please dont

What happened to awkward Jisung who cant flirt huh?

Minho returned to the small apartment to find Felix attempting to cook some ramen in the microscopic kitchen and Hyunjin sprawled across the couch watching some variety show. Felix was probably fueling up in order to spend the night gaming the weekend away before his work overtook his weekdays again. Hyunjin barely looked to be conscious but still managed to wave a greeting to Minho as he walked into the room.

“How’d practice go?”

“Pretty well. Finally was able to clean up that middle section I’ve been messing up.” Minho hurried into the other room to shower once again before heading to the restaurant for his evening shift.

“Oh glad to hear it.” Felix’s voice filtered in from his place by the stove that was shoved in a corner of the room, along with a fridge and a sink that barely classified it as a kitchen unit. None of the three were complaining, the stove heated up their ramen water and the fridge kept their milk cold, what more could they ask for?

“WAIT, did you talk to that guy at the bar last night???” Hyunjin’s loud voice carried from the couch through their thin walls allowing Minho to clearly hear even if his bedroom door was closed.

“Which one, Jinnie?? You gotta be more clear than that.” Minho had actually stacked up a few numbers from his night and received atleast ten free drinks from other patrons. Not too bad for the first night out, but of course the only phone number he had bothered messaging happened to be the one he had been texting all day.

“You know the one, the rapper one you left to go see perform.” Minho of course knew, but he wasn't gonna admit it to his roommate so easily, and just hummed in response eliciting a groan from the younger.

“If you haven’t, you so should. 3racha is all everyone from the bar is talking about. Their concert must have been a big deal or something.”

“WHAT, 3RACHA? You have got to be fucking kidding me.” Felix, apparently a fan, shuffles in with his ramen in hand to accompany the loud outburst.

“Hyung! One of them gave you their number?? They’re literally like the next big thing in the music scene. Which one of them was it?”

J.One, Han Jisung, the cute pink hoodie guy

“His name is Jisung I’m pretty sure.” Minho was very sure. “I didnt know they were such a big deal”

“J.One gave you his number? Damn hyung, you don't even know. They’ve been performing locally for years but their fan base has grown a ton in the last year. There’s rumors that they've signed with a company and are going to come out with something soon.” Felix continued spouting off information on the group to them, as Minho continued his routine of preparing for work at Menu 98.

---

[Rich Boy Han Jisung]

4:35 pm

Looks like my roommate is a fan of you guys

We’re not talking the tall beautiful bartender from last night right

No that was Hyunjin, Felix is the fan

beautiful?

Ah atleast ill be on the good side of one of ur roomies

Yeah tall boy was pretty, but something about him made me think he didnt like me

I think it was his face, and his height

Most tall pretty boys dont take too well to a squirrel boy being in their territory ya know.

Whats not to like about a cute squirrel boy

Im sure he likes you and youre over thinking

If his two roommates like you, he’ll have to like you by association

Did Lee Minho just admit to liking me

Wow the development, less than 24 hours

We love to see it

Your ridiculous

I said nothing of the sort

Sure sure hyung

Gtg now, dinner shifts starting

Have fun at work!!!!

(wait can i call you hyung???)

Minho left him on read as he walked into the restaurant, already bustling with waiters and the changing of shifts for the dinner crowd. ‘Less than 24 hours’ and Minho was already admitting indirectly that he liked the boy he had only just properly met the night before. Stranger things have happened he supposed. Minho continued to surprise himself with this one though. He was not one to seek out friendships or relationships. Anything more than the very occasional one night stand, was practically void from Minho’s social life. Other than the people he had met through dance and his roommates, there were very few others that Minho had chosen to form any kind of relationship with. Even his co-workers were mostly just faces and names he had to remember in order to do his job well.

Well, expect Seungmin.

“You look awfully happy today, who spiked your coffee this morning?” Seungmin had been a newly inserted character in Minho’s life but they became fast friends after a few too many late night shifts without proper caffeination.

Seungmin had been a newly hired host at Menu 98, just the average polite university student with enough experience to get hired. When Minho met him they exchanged the basic pleasantries and thought that would be the end of that, until one fated closing shift. A certain, tipsy, entitled, rich, high class asshole of a customer had held up Minho’s section for much of the night. Minho found himself being bossed around and verbally berated throughout the night, trying to serve the women who appeared to never be satisfied with the food or service Minho was offering. By the end of the night, she was their last customer and Minho saw her to the front to pay. His customer service smile, strained and barely holding up, and the woman’s complaints, even while paying, had him wanting to drop all his pleasantries and curse her out as she waltzed out the door.

“What an absolute fucking pain in the ass of a woman”

Minho hadn’t thought he had said his thoughts aloud, but looked up to catch Seungmin, who had let the words come out in hushed tones as he held a sickening polite smile on his face. After that point the two had bonded over various pain in the ass customers and a mutual love for sarcastic backhanded insults. Minho's relationship with Seungmin was probably the closest thing to a friendship that the older had experienced in a while.

“No spiked coffee, sadly”

“Well something’s making your usual sad bitch face smile, so it's gotta be good. Hmm...Meet someone?” Seungmin’s signature puppy eyes were on full display, but not without the signature mischievous glint they always held.

“Well wouldn't you like to know Seungmo~ but me and my usually flawlessly beautiful face got to go charm our way into some extra tips.” Minho gave the boy a gentle pat on his head, that was met with a stubborn pout forming at the younger’s lips.

“You definitely met someone, you usually don't have this much self-confidence so early into the evening.” Minho did nothing but giggle at his comment and made his way to the back room to begin his shift.

------

one ~ two ~ three ~ four ~ five ~ six ~ seven ~ eight ~ nine

#stray kids fic #stray kids #skz #skz fic #minsung #lee minho #han jisung #stray kids han #lee know #jisung #idk what to tag anymore

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5-falsehoods-phonated · 4 years

Note

Sorry for bothering you, but I couldn't help but wonder, what do you think of Janus' playlist? After several days of analysing it, I'm so overwhelmed with all the emotions towards the snake boy! The character potential, possible development, ideas for fics are just bashing me on the head and heart! I would love to hear your thoughts on the matter. Lots of love and have a good day! P.S. Expect some requests for songfics for sure!

It's not a bother, thank you for asking! Oh I have many feelings, as I usually do for all the playlists but this one...man. Hope you like long answers XD

First just the overall impression is great. I love the sort of contradicting roaring 1920s nihilistic aesthetic. Makes me think of a tired anti-hero, their cape swirling behind them as they turn away from the chaos, knowing they'll have a mess to clean up later but for right now they would very much enjoy a glass of wine. Its smooth. Its jazzy. It's dark. Its nostalgic in a different way from Patton, where instead of tugging softly at your heartstrings it settles a weight on your shoulders. Not in a bad way, just like someone added an extra five pounds of awareness to what you were already carrying, if that makes sense?

He boils down to an emo with class for me and I love it.

I'm not gonna go song by song but heres a few thoughts.

I absolutely love Black Hole Sun being on it as a vintage cover. Soundgarden is such a good band and this song in particular is one of my favorites, right up there with Tighter and Tighter and Spoonman. It's a dark song that has contrasting themes and means different things to different people, which is perfect for Janus' outlook on life and Thomas. And of course the reference to the snake fits right in.

It Seemed The Better Way is one of my favorites on the list. The style of the song and Leonard Cohen's voice reminds of Mark Lanegan's style and is so soothing.

Talking at the same time just made me think of all the Sides talking through a dilemma but really just arguing and talking over one another, contradicting each other and themselves in the process. It makes me want to bang all their heads together and yell "COMMUNICATION BITCH" which I really hope season 3 addresses the important of good and healthy communication and it takes the last side to do it but I digress. It's a song that points out unfairness and frustrating contradictions and I love that the angsty snake likes this song.

Scarlett Johansens Trust On Me is one I'm posting a fanart of soon, it put such a clear image in my head of Janus smoothly talking to Thomas about listening to him and taking care of himself while below surface level hes desperately trying to hold this vision together of everything being fine while the world crumbles. It's just Tbomas walking along with his sides as they smile as the sunshine while Janus is stumbling behind with an old umbrella, batting away dead branches with his staff while everyone else is oblivious.

Mandy Goes To Med School. Janus canonically listens to the Dredston Dolls and no one else I've ever met listens to them or knows who they are and it fills me with unreasonable happiness that someone on the team got this song on the playlist. Many have interpreted this song as back alley abortions and illegal sex changes, both elective surgeries that have consequences if done improperly. I honestly think the bare bones of this song apply to Janus. Percieved "selfishness over selflessness" and the consequences being up in the air for both. A sort of damned if you do, damned if you dont situation, which definitely paints Janus, at least for me, as a world weary tired ex-optimist who's experiences have shaped his perception of the world in a way that can be hard for others to understand. I think this song fits him to a T.

Evil Night Together makes me think of him, Remus and Virgil just having a ball of a night causing chaos together and laughing all the way through. It fills me with a lot of happiness thinking of the idiocy those three got up to when they were on better terms with each other.

Dont Tell Mama...makes me way too excited fr the last dark side. I get this strong feeling from the song the Janus very much works in the shadows, to the point where hes even a bit secluded from the other 'dark sides' to an extent. Maybe the last one is someone who really tries to run the show and wouldnt be pleased with what Janus is trying to do. Not saying Mystery Orange is evil, none of them are.

I feel like You're A Cad is a comment on him and Virgils relationship. The way that they are now, secretive and closed off, a friendship cant really work between them but they keep coming back no matter how many times they broke eachothers trust. I don't think Janus and Virgil hate each other, I just think they need to communicate better like everyone else does but they kept trying without knowing how and hurting each other in the process.

As Far As I Can See feels like a self deprecating view point that all the "dark sides" have and it makes me want to hug not only him but Remus, Virgil and even Orange until they feel even a little bit better. In this house we love and appreciate our good bad boys.

Change. Okay first: the first line of this song is "theres something in the wind" and in Sally's Song on Virgils playlist the first line is "I sense theres something in the wind." Coincidence maybe and probably but I'm holding out for Remus' for the third. 'Lately, I've been thinkin' it's just someone else's job to care Who am I to sympathize when no one gave a damn?' is such an OOF I just cant. I strongly feel like this is Janus rethinking what his purpose could possibly be if no one is willing to listen. Could apply to Logan too but he has Erase Me already so.....

Come Little Children by Erutan. That's it, Janus also canonically also listens to the Willow Maid and cries the first time he heard no you cant change my mind. He also watches Hocus Pocus every year and loves it. Remus joins him. Virgil did when they were on better terms. You also cant change my mind on this. I think this song is just commenting on how Janus hides the truth for Thomas so he can see the world from a better perspective than what it actually is. Self preservation and lying to ourselves and all that.

Into The Unknown from Over the Garden Wall I think is telling us everything is changing and revealing itself the farther we go with Thomas' dilemmas. They're all stemming from somewhere so where will we end up? Who can say, but in the meantime aren't the lies we're telling ourselves pretty? Janus is observing everything falling apart and hoping he isn't lying when he tells himself everything will work itself out. Only time will tell. It's a sad, longing note to end the playlist on, but it's very fitting.

Overall this playlist cements the fact the the Angst Train really just said "Choo choo mothfucker" and steamrolled on regardless of the fact that were stuck on the tracks. And I love it.

Janus is a sad, angsty boy tired of everyone's bullshit and honestly just wants everyone to get along so he can finally sit back and play his game cube without his gloves on in the common room of the mindscape without being hissed or glared at, and is that really too much to ask? Also, he's crying in the art on spotify, with such a resigned look on his face and I just...my heart.

Sorry this is so long, like I said I have a lot of feelings. Add your own thoughts if you like, you and anyone else who wants to. This is my interpretation of only some of the songs so of course there are more and different things worth mentioning. This is a judgement free blog where all opinions are welcome.

#sanders sides #ask #sanders sides playlists #janus sanders #deceit sanders #janus playlist

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ellana-ravenwood · 5 years

Text

Salt, Tequila, Lemon - Jason Todd x Reader

Please read this intro, thank you very much :

So. I posted this yesterday, but after a bug on the Tumblr app on my phone it got deleted. I’m super bummed out because it had over 200 notes and quite a few feedbacks that I never got to read because it was accidentally deleted...If the people that took the time to comment things on the story could take a bit more time to write a little comment again and give me their feedbacks, and also if the people that liked and reblog could do it once more...i’d appreciate the hell out of you <3. So reposting it (thanks god I always have back ups of all my stories now). Written in twenty minutes during my break at work. Bam. Hope you’ll like it :

Also, since Tumblr’s new guidelines and enforcement of it, I DON’T really appear in searches anymore, so the only way for this story to be seen by others than those who follow me is to reblog it. So if you wanna, you can show your support for my writing by doing just that. Thanks very much. You can find my masterlist here : @ella-ravenwood-archives

_________________________________________________

Ok. So. Grandma’s remedy against heartbreak ? Oh, right.

Salt. Tequila. Lemon.

Got it. Licking the back of your hand to make the salt stick to it, you pour yourself a massive shot of “To-Kill-Ya” in your coffee mug, not even caring about the fact that there is still some remnant of your cappuccino from last night in it.

You focus on the sound the liquid makes as it fills your cup. Makes you think about something else. Good. Yup. This was totally gonna help right now.

“Cheers”, you exclaim to yourself, your empty apartment echoing your voice.

Salt.

Wincing. Stingy. Salt on its own is gross.

Tequila.

More wincing. Oh my god, it burns. The coffee that was still at the bottom of the cup is an oddly nice touch.

Lemon.

The last of the Wincing.

You spit the piece of lemon you just bit into in the trash and…miss. The yellow fruit falls with a little flat sound on the floor, and you honestly can’t bother to pick it up. Your apartment is a mess anyway, so you just stare at it angrily and pour yourself another drink.

Salt. Tequila. Lemon.

You gulp the last of the citrus and shiver. Miss the trash again.

Damn. This was good.

Well, actually, it was disgusting.

You didn’t like strong alcohol and what the Hell ?! Why did you leave a bit of coffee in your cup ? Now that the aftertaste was kicking in, it was actually really gross. If the tequila itself didn’t make you wanna throw up, the stale coffee taste nearly did. Oh, and the salt and lemon combination was as awful as ever.

You really didn’t like salt, tequila, or lemon.

But it was still good.

Because thanks to all this immediate awfulness, you could slowly feel yourself drift into “haze land”, and forget about your worries.

Forget that your boyfriend of two years just cheated on you with some random woman you worked with. Woman that, by the way, he met at the Christmas “end of the year” party from you work you invited him to…You gave him free champagne and mise-en-bouche and all your love, and he broke your heart.

It wasn’t your thing, to drink your sorrow away. And it wasn’t your thing either to wallow because of a man…But you genuinely thought he was “the one” (oh what a mistake you would soon realize that was).

He was always so nice, treating you like a princess. He complimented you daily, and never forgot an important date. He was affectionate, not to an annoying point. He was the perfectamount of affectionate. He was a gentleman and seemed to love you and yet, he betrayed you.

If a man like him, that was nothing short but sweet and passionate with you, cheated on you, then did that mean you couldn’t trust anyone ?

Because in your eyes right now, he was perfect. Albeit said eyes were slightly clouded by a a few tequila shots.

You were downing a fourth drink starting to slowly sob when…

There’s very few things that can get you out of a drunk state in seconds.

An extremely cold shower could do the trick, for instance. Brings you back to your senses a bit you know ? You wouldn’t magically be sober, but you’d get a clearer mind. Or someone giving you shocking news ! Or like, an event so incredible that your body just forgets how drunk it is for a minute.

And this event, for you, came at the perfect time.

Right when you were entering your “sad drunk” phase, which was between the “lol alcohol does NOTHING to me” phase where you downed most of your drinks, and the “dancing on the bar’s counter” phase (a few more drinks and you would have a one woman dance party in your living room, acting as if you were on a bar’s counter and that your name was suddenly “Britney”).

Right when you were about to wallow times a thousand, and cry, and yell “whyyyyyyy ?!” to the sky, arms in the air (drama queen).

Years later, looking back on that particular event, you’ll start to realize that Destiny HAS to exist. Because come on, it was just too perfect a timing to be a simple coincidence.

You were about to swallow up your fifth drink, launching yourself head first into the “sad phase” when an ear shattering noise rang all around your apartment.

Broken glass.

It was the sound of broken glass. Heightened to the max by your drunkness. You turned on your stool, and…there he was.

It was a guy. That you were sure of because he had no boobs and too much pecs. And that guy…well that guy just flew right through your window, destroying it. How rude.

There was glass everywhere.

How much did a window cost ? Probably a fortune.

You wondered briefly if you could just use aluminium foil and tape the shit up. There was nothing of value to steal in your apartment anyway, and if aluminium foil could keep meals warm, it definitely worked with a house too right ?

You sobered up quite a bit, but you were also very drunk when this event happened, so your mind was still in that cloudy weird phase where your priorities were…interesting.

You worried more about the broken window at first, than about that guy who just launched through it.

A guy.

Not just any guy.

You saw that guy before.

He was one of those night vigilante your crazy hometown was filled with…RED HOOD !!

“Thick thighs”, is the first thing you thought right after you recognized him (priorities).

The second thing you thought was that you needed another drink, and so you downed what was your fifth one, but with that crazy thing happening ended up being on the same level as if it was a second one. You were tipsy, but not “drunk” anymore.

The third thing that came to your mind was…Is he still alive ?

No cause, he was like, just laying there, on your living room’s floor, not moving.

“…Outch.”

Oh. He spoke.

So he ain’t dead. Good, means you can have another drink then, you don’t need a clear mind to call an ambulance or something.

Oddly enough, in your half-drunk half-sober state, this sounded completely reasonable. Nevermind if Red Hood had some internal bleeding or something. He talked. He was probably fine.

A minute passed, and you just sat there, sipping up your tequila in between taking a pinch of salt and biting into a piece of lemon.

Salt, tequila, lemon. Great remedy against heartbreaks.

Wait, were you heartbroken ? Really ? You couldn’t really recall that fact now. But, yeah…it was the reason why you were drinking right ? Because right now, all you could think about was the fact that this Red hood guy had abs for days…

This unforeseen event sobered you up quite a bit, but the two shots you just took kinda brought you back to the same state than you were before.

Well. Not quite. You were drunk as hell again, but seemed to have avoided the “sad phase”. Instead, Red Hood bursting quite literally through your window took you to another road.

The : “Cool, I got a drinking buddy phase”. Well, taking for granted he didn’t have any internal bleeding and wouldn’t die while biting into a lemon wedge.

“Tough day ?”

You ask him, as he slowly sits up and shakes his head, trying to regain his senses. He looks towards you and seem surprised (or at least you think he is, because he wears a mask so…kinda hard to tell).

************

Jason definitely thought he was alone in this place, because no sane person would just sit there, not saying anything, as someone simply jumped through their window. Nope, most people would just freak out. Scream.

He knows, because it’s not the first time he falls through a window during a night on duty. And every single time it happened, people freaked out. Screamed. Threw stuffs at him, or hid away begging for their life to be spared.

And yet here you were, half a bottle of tequila in front of you, surrounded by lemon wedges you bit into, and table salt all over your hand, just staring at him curiously. And did you just say : “tough day” ?

Well, Jason guessed the empty half of the bottle was why you were so chilled about it all. He sat up, and slowly got back to his feet.

Usually, going through a window meant the end of the night for him. He’d go back to one of his secret stash, patch himself up and get some rest. Most of the time, he fell through windows because someone pushed him or threw him there…Though today, he just embarrassingly missed a step and fell by himself.

Of course, no one would ever now he tripped while jumping from one building to another (you lived on the last floor) and went careening into your home (and life). Nope, the official story would be that he fought a fierce enemy and was thrown into that window. Finding fake villains name was easy, given how truly ridiculous some could be.

Tim and Damian were still after the “Illusive Blue Man” that he totally made up that one time he walked into a poll and had a huge black eye that he couldn’t quite explain…Oh man, he had to stop telling such elaborate lies and just say “I fought with a few guys last night” without more explanation.

But he couldn’t help it. And those kids believed everything he said, it was too tempting…But for now, this wasn’t the issue. Nope.

He did a quick check of his body and knew he wasn’t really hurt (thanks “dad” for the amazing body armor ugh ?), so he was planning on leaving that poor girl’s house and send a mystery check in the mail to pay for the damage (money stolen from a certain Bruce Wayne of course, as if he would pay himself).

Yup. He was just gonna stand up, and go on his way and…somehow, he found himself sitting on the stool opposite side of this mysterious girl, and now she was peppering salt on his hand ?

“Salt”, she says, and she has a cute drunk voice. Jason almost forgets he just went through a window a few minutes ago.

“Tequila”, she continues, downing her drink and pointing at the one she poured him. He doesn’t even care the she poured it in a cereal bowl that she didn’t even seem to have clean…He drunk worst things in worst recipient. He turns away to take off his mask and so that she can’t see his face, and “bottom’s up”.

“Lemon !” she finishes, biting into the sour fruit and spitting it in the direction of the trashcan but missing completely. The lemon wedge goes to lost itself amongst his fallen brothers…

Jason bites into his own lemons, and spits it. Right into the garbage.

There’s a slight pause, where she just stares at the trashcan, and then at Jason, back to the trashcan, and then turns to him again and simply says :

“Wow.”

************

So. This was surreal.

Here you were. In your home. Taking tequila shots. With…Red Hood.

One of Gotham’s night vigilante. The most violent one. But the dude seemed chilled. He was holding his liquor really well.

And now you were talking about your broken heart, telling him the story as if he’d been your friend for years. And he was listening. Intently. And reacting to what you were saying. It had been a LONG time, since you had this kind of talk with anyone, and despite the fact you were drunk, you still noticed how nice it felt to have someone to talk to. Someone that genuinely listened.

“And then he slept with her !” you say angrily.

“Nooooooo !?!”

“Yes, he did ! He slept with…with…what was her name…”

“Nicole. From accounting.”

“Right, Nicole from accounting ! That bitch ! She always just…counts and shit ! And he slept with her ! Nicole from accounting ! Whom he met thanks to me, by the way ! At a partyyyy !! At my wooooork !!”

“What an ass.”

“Right ?! Oh but he had such a good ass though…Quite firm. But whenever he wore jeans, it was super flat.”

“So, not such a good ass in the end then ?”

“I guess not. You have a good ass. Popping right out in this outfit of yours.”

Red Hood chuckles, and the sound of his laughter makes you forget that you just said something incredibly embarrassing. His voice is…nice. Deep. Manly. You like it. You wanna make him chuckle some more, so you say, hoping :

“And it looks very firm. Not just quite firm.”

It works. He snorts and it’s very cute. Oh wow. He can be sexy and cute. Full package. You smile a bit dreamily.

For a second, he’s lost in that smile of yours, and there’s a silence installing itself in the room. A comfortable one. That you break :

“Ok. So now, he’s not that perfect anymore ! He got no ass ! Penalty points ! I never notice how un-assed he was before…”

Jason smiles and damn. He’s hot.

Somewhere along the way, he stopped turning his face away from you whenever he took a shot, and just ended up taking his helmet off. He was probably hoping that you’d black out or something, so you wouldn’t remember his face (or he just didn’t care).

In any case, you were pretty sure you never saw him before. His face kinda reminded you of an old memory. Of someone you saw somewhere long ago, when you were a kid…Which wasn’t really a big help right ?

Right. You had no idea who he was. And in your drunken state, probably couldn’t piece anything together anyway. So even if you did know who he could be, you wouldn’t know in the end anyway…Makes perfect sense right ?

What you knew was : he’s hot.

This white streak in his hair did something to you that you couldn’t explain. And that jawline ? You would love to get cut on that bitch. It could actually cut a bitch, you were sure of it. Those blue eyes ? You’ve never seen someone with such blue eyes. And did you mention to yourself how muscular he was ? Because man you only saw guys like this in magazines !

But beyond his handsome features, he seemed like a nice guy. Like he was listening to you, a total stranger. And this realization suddenly raised your guard up.

You also thought that your ex-cheating-boyfriend was a nice guy. And come to think of it, who the hell just barge in someone’s home like that, and actually stay to drink tequila shots ?! Wait but…in your guts…it’s not like with your ex.

You don’t think he’s a nice guy. You know he is.

************

There’s a visible shift in your mood, after this realization. So far, you talked to him about your broken heart freely, and he listened.

Oddly enough, no words that came out of your (perfect) mouth bored him. Jason wasn’t sure wether it was the alcohol or not, but you captivated him.

But in a split second, and without him knowing why, your features changed. You were now frowning. Like an unhappy little kid. It was kinda cute, but he didn’t like it because…why were you frowning ?

He tries to lighten up the mood and says :

“Well here you go. See, you didn’t loose the perfect guy, his ass was flat in jeans. Can’t work with that, can you ? I bet we can find other flaws. Make you realize he actually was a looser.”

Your guard is up, but you can��t help but smile a bit, plus you were frowning just now because you realized you just knew you could trust that total stranger, and it was so weird….

Besides, no harm in indulging this, because you’re pretty sure it’ll make you feel better to try and see the bad side of your ex-boyfriend, not just his good ones. No one was perfect. And so, still a bit careful, you say :

“Well…He never got any of my Tv shows or movie references.”

“Well, here’s a point to take off of his “perfectness”. Doesn’t get pop culture references. Deal breaker.”

“Yeah…Yeah you’re right. It is. He also used to hate when I made jokes. I like puns ya know ? Terrible ones. Well, he was always embarrassed whenever I made them in public.”

“Ashamed of his girlfriend, doesn’t sound very gentlemanly, right ?”

“Yeah. It doesn’t. Maybe he wasn’t such a perfect gentleman…He also used to not want to go out with me if I didn’t wear any make-up and was dressed just casually.”

“What you mean, he never just went out with you ?”

“We only went out on dates. I had to dress up. I could be casual home though…”

“Well goodie, the man let you be yourself when you were home. Big deal. To be honest, sounds like a douchey move.”

“That was kinda douchey…I never cared what he looked like.”

And it’s true. For you, physical appearance wasn’t everything. And sure you thought your ex was hot and all, but only because you liked his personality too. You liked his jokes, you were never ashamed of anything he said.

And right now, sure that stranger that bursted through your window was hot, but the reason you felt like you could tell him things was because he just made you comfortable by his mere aura. Because he gave you such a good vibe.

You never were fully about appearances. It was always just a bonus for you…So it never occurred to you why your ex would only hang out in public with you if you were pampered. Like he used to hate when you just wore hoodies and no make-up, even if you didn’t need make-up to be beautiful.

Comes to think of it, he was very much about appearances…Uh. Interesting. You never realized that before.

You turn to Red Hood, and the look on your face says it all. You’re slowly realizing maybe you didn’t just lost “the one”. The vigilante says :

“Ok, so : no ass, no humor apparently, doesn’t get pop culture references, and was kind of a jerk when it came to going out with you…”

“He did tell me often that I was beautiful though. Including when I just woke up from a night out, and was awful looking.”

“Yeah, but he never went out with you looking like that. He shouldn’t feel ashamed of hanging out with you looking like that. Just like he shouldn’t feel embarrassed when you joke. He can be exasperated, like if you really make bad puns, sure. And he can think it’s unfunny…But embarrassed ? No.”

“I guess…I never thought about it.”

“Well let me tell you, as someone who does not know neither you nor him personally, he sounds like a bit of a jerk. Let’s not forget he cheated as well. Like, that’s not something good people do. Especially not with…Nicole from accounting.”

“Nicole from accounting…Yeah. They’re together now though.”

“So ? He should’ve broken up with you if he realized he liked her. That’s the right thing to do. Trust me on that, I put villains behind bars for a living, I know what’s right or wrong.”

“I heard you kill criminals.”

“Used to. I used to kill criminals, I had issues. I’ll tell you one day if you wanna. It’s a real tear jerker story. With clowns and crowbars. And I’m telling you that because I’m drunk, right now. Also, if we want to be specific, I don’t actually make a living out of putting villains behind bars. Like, I don’t get paid or anything…”

Jason finds himself ranting about anything that comes to his mind, and though he hears himself claim it’s because of the alcohol he’s saying all this, he realizes maybe there’s something else making him want to talk.

You. A total stranger he walked upon. Or rather, went-through-the-window upon. Who didn’t freak out when he went through said window. And instead, invited him over to have tequila shots.

Because, according to your grandmother, the best remedy to…basically any problems in life, was “salt, tequila, lemon”.

“She was a wise woman.”

He says, and you turn to him, clearly not understanding what he was talking about.

“Who ?”

“Your grandma. For saying that salt, tequila and lemon was a great remedy against heartbreaks and all.”

“Oh. Yeah. I wouldn’t know, I never met her. She died before I was born.”

“Well what she passed on to your parents is great.”

“What ?”

“Well, that “salt, tequila and lemon” thing, I assume she said that to your mom or dad, and then they said that to you, and then it became your grandma’s advice. Right ?”

“…Nah. It’s an excuse I made up. Whenever I need to justify something, I just say “like my grandma said, ain’t no shame in eating an entire tub of ice cream if you want to”, and then people are just like “oh yeah, cool”, because when you say the word “grandma”, then it gives a perspective to your words ya know ?”

Jason had no idea what you were on about, but he loved it. You seemed to be very smart. And witty. And funny. The hell did that guy cheated on you for ? And why was he ashamed of going out in public with you when you weren’t dressed up ?!

You currently wore “Hello Kitty” pyjamas, had absolutely no make up on, and your hair was a mess, and he thought you looked gorgeous.

“Why are you so nice ?”

Your question takes him by surprise, and for a few seconds he doesn’t register it and just says : “ugh ?”

“To me. Why are you so nice to me ? Is it the alcohol ? Does it make you nice ? Or are you just nice to every stranger ? Every girl you destroy the windows of ? Or are you like my ex ? You seem nice, but then you go off and cheat on your girl simply because you like another girl and you’re too cowardly to break up with your current girl ?”

Jason hiccups slightly, and says :

“No, I’m not nice to any girl I met. I’m actually usually kind of a jerk, too “brutally honest”. But you…I don’t know. You give me good feelings. Oh and here’s to add on his flaws list. “Coward”. Can’t even break up with a girl, has to wait to get caught red-handed and break her heart. Cooooward. Bad flaw. Kind of guy who runs in the face of danger, instead of standing by you.”

It’s probably the fact that he said “you give me good feelings” that spurs this in you. That gives you a new clearer perspective on things.

“My heart wasn’t broken.”

It’s a shock, to you. This realization. This sudden feeling jumping in your face. You…are not heartbroken. You’re mad. You’re frustrated. You feel betrayed. You feel a crazy burning anger towards your ex for toying around with you like that. For not having the balls to just break up, after spending two years together.

He was suppose to know you. To be your friend. Things could have turned out better. He could have just come up to you, say the truth, and…You were pretty sure you’d still be friend. Because he really was a great guy.

He really was all the good thing you though about him. He made a mistake, an unforgivable one in your book. But he was a great guy.

He was just…not your great guy. Not anymore at least.

And you realized, there, quite drunk, that…It was ok.

Your heart wasn’t broken.

Your pride was. Your trust was. But your heart ? …Maybe you weren’t completely in love with him. You were best friends, yes, but love ? Maybe it wasn’t love…

Your heart wasn’t broken.

“My heart isn’t broken.”

You tell Red hood, looking at him right in his wonderful ocean blue eyes. And he looks right back at you, and just nods. Just like that. And then he pours you one last tequila shot.

Because like your grandma would say : “When you make great discovery about yourself…Salt, tequila, lemon”.

************

It took you only a few hours with him to realize that you weren’t in love with your ex, and that was kinda scary. Because this realization didn’t come from nowhere.

Nope.

But when he said that your ex broke your heart, you felt obligated to tell him that no. No your heart wasn’t broken. You were sad and angry, yes, but not heartbroken. For you, in that moment, it was important for this total stranger to know you weren’t actually in love.

Hell, you didn’t even know yourself you weren’t that in love before you talked to him. It just came as a sudden, yet utterly true revelation.

Because, and this wasn’t the alcohol speaking…You felt incredibly attracted to that guy. To Red Hood. Not just because of the white streak in his hair, and the eyes, and smile, and voice, and abs, and thick thighs. That too, sure, but not only…Nope.

Nope. Not because of this.

But because he had a tough day (he said so himself, explaining to you how he went through the window…he was fighting a super-villain when he got flung through your window, tough tough time ahem), and yet he sat with a crazy lady that peppered salt on his hand and practically forced him to take a tequila shot…

Because you could see in his eyes, and felt in your guts that he didn’t have an easy life…and yet he took a break from whatever he was doing to just sit with you and listen to you. He didn’t even make sense, that you trusted those feelings so fiercely. And yet, you did. Because he listened to you.

He saw you were struggling and he stayed. And though you felt you couldn’t trust anyone at that time…You oddly felt like he was ok.

Like he wouldn’t be the kind of guy to cheat, or run in the face of danger, leaving you all alone to fight off demons.

In a few short hours, you fell for this guy more than you ever fell for your ex.

What did that say about you uh ? …That was pretty pathetic…

************

Jason didn’t think that you were pathetic at all.

On the contrary. If he went to seat with you, and drink with you, is because he was instantly mesmerized by you.

And though he didn’t know at first why, now he was sure of it.

It’s because you didn’t freak out. And something told him it wasn’t only because you were a bit drunk (he fell in drunk people’s home before…none reacted like you).

Nope. It was because you were special. He just knew it. Special in every way. Funny. Beautiful. Genuinely listening to him when he was speaking.

He peppered his own problems within your story, as you told him. And you listened. Hell, even referenced a few things he said early on, way later, while you were crazy drunk. You listened.

You gave a total stranger that seemed to have a tough day some salt. And tequila. And lemons.

And then you cared. You asked him a thousand times if he was ok, and he basically had to take off his armor to prove it so (to your eyes’ greatest pleasure…mm mm mm those muscles).

Captivated. He was captivated by you. It was strange, and though he knew it was because you were special, he still was unclear as to why his feelings were that strong.

For someone he just met. And barely knew. And only knew while drunk.

You were just…Special.

************

It was surreal. The all thing.

What started as a night where you planned on wallowing your pain and drinking…ended up changing your life.

And no one could convince you that it wasn’t Fate. Because what were the odds that Red Hood would fall through YOUR window after tripping (yeah you didn’t buy that “fighting super-villains thing” at all) ?

What were the odds of his timing being so perfect, arriving just before you started to cry ? Because there was no doubt in your mind that if he had come a few seconds later, he wouldn’t have stayed.

He would have found a crying mess, and maybe he would have tried to confort you but…You wouldn’t have answered. In your “sad phase”, you only cry and whine. He would have eventually left. And the wonderful talk you’d just have, would never have happened.

But instead. He came right before your lips touch that fatal shot of tequila that would have brought you into the “sad phase”. And took your drunkness down a notch. Rerouted your evening.

You weren’t wallowing anymore, you were ranting.

Sharing your anger and frustration.

And he helped you realize that your ex wasn’t that perfect…That maybe it was just not meant to be…After all, he cheated on you.

Uh. What a shame. You didn’t even know his name…”Red Hood”…

You wished you knew his name.

************

The morning lights were rising, and the bottle of tequila was long gone.

There were still salt and lemons though. For some reason, you decided to buy the entire grocery store’s stock of lemons.

Red Hood stood up, and said he had to go.

He was nice about it. Said it was a pleasure to have spend the night with you. You both laughed about the innuendos that ensued.

You were exactly on the same page. And he understood all your joke referencing to pop culture…

But it was time for him to go. And he apparently had no intention of telling you his real name. He didn’t hint either at ever coming back to see you again.

And there was that. Just a nice night, spend talking to a genuine friend that you’ll never see again.

A genuine friend that you didn’t even know a few hours before.

Maybe it was the alcohol speaking. Maybe not.

And even if you ended up never seeing him again, this evening truly changed your life…At least, it saved you from a heartbreak. Made you realize it wasn’t that.

Though, now, as he climbs out of the window again (he couldn’t possibly use the front door), you feel like the actual heartbreak is starting.

Grandma’s remedy against heartbreak ? Right.

Salt, tequila, lemon…

But the tequila is all gone.

“I’ll send someone to fix that window…Sorry again about that. …Bye.” are his last words, and then he’s out.

And the tequila is all gone.

************

…

Days pass by in a blur.

Salt. Tequila. Lemon.

Ugh. But you don’t want to this time. You don’t want to get drunk to forget.

You don’t want to forget him. And you know it’s ridiculous to get that worked up over a guy you met one night and that will never come back. That you didn’t even know the name of.

This entire night was weird anyway.

Getting drunk with a dangerous night vigilante. Pouring your heart out to him, and him doing the same. The hell were you even thinking ?

Salt. Tequila. Lemon.

That would be a good idea to do this right now, because man…your heart hurt. More than when you discovered your ex sleeping with Nicole. From accounting. But you can’t resolve yourself to drink. To forget. Nope. Instead you…

*Knock knock knock*.

Uh ? You take a quick look at your clock in the kitchen.10 pm. Who the hell is coming at 10 pm ?! It can only be bad news. Especially in Gotham…You peep into the eyehole and…

WHAT ?!

You open your door quickly, and…

“Told you I’d send someone to fix your window.”

It’s him. It’s Red hood. But in…civilian clothes.

His ass doesn’t look flat in jeans.

He’s holding a window wrapped in cardboard, and there’s a toolbox at his feet.

“Yeah, you did…come in.”

************

Jason Todd.

That’s his name. And connections are fast to be made in your brain. Jason Todd. Bruce Wayne’s adopted son. That supposedly died…ten years ago.

And is Red Hood now. Oh. It makes sense. Even his little “killing criminals” thing while Batman never killed. You easily put two and two together.

Red Hood. Jason Todd. Bruce Wayne.

Wow. Can’t believe you never guessed that before. Of course Bruce Wayne is Batman. He’s got the motive, the means, the excuses…It’s so obvious. And yet, you never realized. And no one else in Gotham ever realized.

Jason Todd.

Now you know his name.

And he’s fixing your window. Nobody ever fixed windows for you before (even those who broke it).

Um. To add to the “perfect man” list : “Handy”.

Jason Todd.

He quickly works the window up, and then he turns to you. While he was working you talked, as if you knew each other for years. Joking around. Like old friends. Like old extremely good and close friends.

It fits. It clicks. It’s natural. You and him, him and you.

Barely knowing each others, and yet knowing each others the best.

Jason. Todd.

He turns to you now, and with a smirk, he says :

“Ya know, my grandma always say that when something good happens to you, you need to celebrate. And I feel like this, right now, you and I, though I have no idea what we’re doing and where it’s going…Well it’s still something to celebrate. And she always says, my grandma, that to celebrate perfectly you need…”

You smile.

Yeah. You don’t know where this thing between you two is going, but you do know that you never met someone who so fully understood you.

And in such a short span of time. And you know you’re not mistaking. It’s a feeling too strong to be a mistake.

He came back to fix your window for god’s sake. And trusted you enough to tell you his actual name. Without a second thought. Which meant everything. Especially since from all the hint he let slip through last time you saw each others, about his father, well…let’s just say telling people his real name wasn’t really something he was used to.

But it just works. It fits. It clicks. It’s not like with your ex, because you don’t think you know it does. It just does. The fact that you say those next few words in perfect sync finishes to convince you :

(“…And she always says, my grandma, that to celebrate perfectly you need…”)

“Salt, tequila, and lemons.”

______________________________________________

I’m so mad the Tumblr app crashed and I deleted the original post...Y’all were great and reblogged the hell out of it ! Which is why it got so many notes in such a short span of times. And feedbacks. I haven’t had that many feedbacks on a story in a long time. So just one last time and I won’t bother you with that again : Please, if you enjoyed this story, don’t hesitate to reblog it and share it with others. People who don’t follow me can’t really find my stories anymore so...you’re a big help by spreading them. It’s always very encouraging.

And if you got the time, feedbacks are always hella appreciated and always make my day a little brighter <3.

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groundramon · 4 years

Text

So curiouscat has stupid short reply lengths so i had to post this here

Tw for: bullying, fatphobia, discussion of sexual harassment (oh it feels good to have enough characters to write a proper tw)

So it might surprise ppl to know that my favorite frontier character is JP, the raging heterosexual. But like, to me...hes so much more than that. JP is a character that I saw so much of myself in. His social isolation from his peers, leading him to push away others to avoid getting hurt...its not that people outwardly bully him, its that no one sees behind his surface and nobody bothers to truly care about him. People only recognize him as the class clown - no one actually wants to hang out with him. And that...that hit me HARD as a kid. It was the experience i had growing up. I wasn't outright bullied, I just felt...excluded. Judged. I wanted friends but was too afraid of being judged or excluded. And sometimes it caused me to be dismissive of genuinely good people. And quite frankly, that's STILL a problem I have, not even a year after an exfriend of 7 years said that our interests were one of the things driving us apart. My intense fear of being ridiculed for my interests drove me as a kid, and sometimes even now as an adult, to completely stop caring what my peers thought about anything. For all intents and purposes, im a bit of a hipster - i hate on what's popular and i tote my more obscure interests. Because I feel like that's the only way. Obviously i have fairly mainstream interests but lemme tell ya, i went to a christian school in the late 2000s/early 2010s - goddamn pokemon was obscure/counter-culture in a setting like that. But despite my desperate attempts not to care, I DO care, just like JP. It fuckin stung. And now i have depression and social anxiety whoops. Honestly ngl, it got so bad that I genuinely projected that it was implied JP was isolated for being fat/not conventionally attracted, until i was like "wait a minute...frontier didnt go that hard"

But what makes JP such a tragic character to me now is that at the end of Frontier nowadays when i watch it, im left asking myself....DID JP make any friends?

I know JP is a raging heterosexual but quite frankly, he is dealt such a shitty, judgemental hand for an innocent crush. JP's most nsfw fantasy is marrying Zoe and holding her hand, like... And yet, despite this, he's accused time and time again of being a perv. JP is, well, a big fuckin guy. As such, he thinks "its probably a good idea to let all my friends climb up this latter before me, so i dont crush them all if i fall - plus ill look chivalrous too!" But he unfortunately forgets that Zoe has a skirt on and, y'know, not pants. I understand Zoe's hesitation completely - i wouldnt trust a man who kept hitting on me either. Her relationship with JP is completely justified. Like, its not like JP doesn't take no for an answer - he just still has a crush on her. Yes he should probably give it a rest but like, he's 13 and his most nsfw fantasy is to hold hands and marry and respect his crush. Inb4 you say "but its a kids show of course it is-" literally everything about Zoe is sexualized so no the fuck its not lol

What gets me the most though is the beach episode... again, not because of Zoe. She thinks someone has peeped on her (understandable but it was a digimon) and confronts them about it. But koji and takuya IMMEDIATELY suspect JP, and only believe his immediate denial when Tommy points out that JP was with them the whole time. Like first of all, YOU FORGOT HE WAS THERE??? it took the baby of the group pointing that out for you to remember???? Second of all, JP has never done anything to warrant not being believed - again for zoe id understand, a bitch has gotta be weary, but not for the guys? And thirdly, and perhaps most importantly of all, YOU GUYS CONSIDER SOMEONE YOU'D EASILY SUSPECT OF SEXUAL HARASSMENT YOUR "FRIEND"???? i would NEVER be friends with someone who i could see sexually harassing another one of my friends!! What the shit!! I realize they're kids but GEEZ. And i know its implied JP only cares about the perpetrator because he likes Zoe but idc, despite being persistent in his crush JP has literally NEVER done ANYTHING to disrespect women. And if the scene where takuya and jp run into Zoe's changing room to see whats wrong after she screams counts - well lol takuya was there too.

Zoe was dealt a terrible hand by the writers (worse than JP imo) so I understand people being weary of JP, but - in the dub at least - he literally did nothing wrong... dont confuse the writers sexualizing zoe and being misogynistic with JP sexualizing zoe and being misogynistic.

And im gonna say it - JP is only treated this way cuz hes fat lol. Its not a coincidence that the only MC in the digimon anime who's treated like a perv (despite the fact that they failed in writing one, cuz hes not a perv) is the fat guy. Japan LOVES the fat otaku stereotype (America, look what you did, you made it fatphobic) and in JP's case he's treated completely differently because he's fat. Takuya doesn't have an explicit crush on Zoe but just look at how he treats her vs JP. And which one is demonized lmao? Like, frontier has major problems in general, but to me this isnt a coincidence.

Also, I think JP's crush on zoe is initially just flirting/wanting to impress a girl to fill the void in his heart, but then he genuinely comes to respect her and like her for who she is. He likes that she's kind but stands up for herself and even though he's hopelessly infatuated with her, he just wants her to be happy, even if its not with him. He relates to her struggles to fit in despite not understanding how someone so beautiful and charismatic (in his eyes) could be disliked by her peers.

Hackers Memory discussion coming up, but the spoilers are minor/vague. Frank discussion of sexual harassment and...pedophilia i guess? But its like...ephebophilia, not literal children.

I realize the Story games and the anime are two different beasts entirely, and Cyber Sleuth especially is targeted at an older audience. BUT... compare how JP is treated in Frontier to how Chitose and even Keisuke are treated in HM. Chitose goes after countless women and isn't even reprimanded for going after someone he considers a CHILD. To clarify - Ryuji and Chitose both call Arata a child. Arata is canonically older than Yuuko. Chitose flirts with Yuuko. It is gross. Like he gets the physical embodiment of the cold shoulder and you get to insult him for it, but that's not proper reprimanding. In comparison, yes JP is older than Zoe...by a year/grade. But JP gets accused of SEXUAL HARASSMENT BY HIS "FRIENDS" and Chitose just gets "haha good ol chitose, hes a wild one." Plus i think Chitose and JP get the shit smacked out of each other an equal amount of times in the story, which like...one of these people is worse than the other!

Then there's Keisuke, the protagonist of HM, who's significantly better than Chitose but still gets dirty thoughts about Yuuko and is only reprimanded by Erika. And honestly I love Erika but HM plays up the tsundere heterosexual couple aspect. So imagine the only person who calls you out on your shit is your fucking love interest, who also beat the shit out of you with a plush toy for entering her room without knocking, not knowing anyone was in there (id say hes not a playboy but considering he befriends a stranger to practice "getting chicks" at chitose's recommendation, hes totally a playboy) and yet all she does when you start thinking weird shit about Yuuko is be like "hey. Stop that. Get some help"

Also Erika's best friend is chitose so like, someone save this poor girl PLEASE

But my point is that Chitose is conventionally attractive and...well they play up the idea that Keisuke isn't but hes not conventionally unattractive like JP is.

Gee, i wonder why they're treated differently? /s

TLDR: JP drinks respecting women juice and i kin him

#Stormy speaks

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two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat · 4 years

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CW: transphobia, homophobia. Also pretty long and I'm on mobile so I cant put a read more thing on it.

Ok so this is kind of a personal post so if you don't wanna hear about some of my personal drama, just scroll along. But I feel like I need to get this shit on record somewhere since I don't have the screenshots of the texts this is concerning anymore.

So a little over a year ago, I told the person who'd been my best friend, we'll call her E, since I was about 9 that I didnt want to be friends with her anymore. More on that later.

Back in senior year of high school I started thinking I might be Bi. I brought this up to E and she was super dismissive right off that bat. Saying that I wasnt, sounding like she was trying to console me. Like being Bi was this awful thing that I needed to worry about.

Well fast forward about a year and a half and I went up to my college with her so I could do new student orientation since I was starting the next semester. This is when the fact that I was Bi sort of smacked me in the face because the girl doing my orientation was super hot. I immediately knew I wouldnt be telling E that.

Fast forward to march of 2017. Its spring break. I've reconnected with my high school friends. I've never felt the need to hide my sexuality from them and they were instantly nothing but supportive of me. We never really hung out outside of school back in high school (or in elementary school either in Eric's case.) I start realizing that I've been having more fun with them then I ever did with E. And I finally had people to geek out about sciencey stuff with because E doesnt believe in science but eric LOVES science. It was nice.

Well a couple weeks after spring break me and Es mutual friend Althea asked me to drive her to the shelter so she could get her boyfriends cat fixed (it's way cheaper there then at the vet) and spent the day hanging out with her because she WAS planning to walk back there to pick up the cat afterwards and I was like "uh no. I'm not gonna make you walk across town by yourself." So I finally got to meet her boyfriend. Well that afternoon E came and picked me up to go up to the KU campus to get some more bus passes to go to our college in KC because our school was out of bus passes and didnt know when theyd get more.

Here's when I kinda started to realize I should maybe get out of this friendship. On the way to campus E starts telling me about her day at school and how "theres a girl that used to be a guy in one of my teachers other classes. It's making me uncomfortable."

Me: "that sounds like a you problem, E."

Now I knew she kind of thought that way already. She may not have said shit like that around our other friends but I had to hear it a lot. But because I'm pretty nonconfrontational and she was my only close friend outside of school and I was terrified of being alone, I usually just ignored it or politely debated her about it but generally just agreed to disagree. This was the first time I ever decided to speak up to her about it. Unfortunately I couldnt say much cuz her mom was the one driving us and i knew she agreed with everything E said.

But I'd been hanging out with althea and her boyfriend (who just so happened to be trans) all morning so suddenly having to hear E talk about how uncomfortable trans people make her got me more fired up than usual.

After this I slowly started distancing myself from her. I'd been hoping for a few years that she'd grow up and accept that not everyone is like her and try to be more open minded and accepting of people. Apparently that wasnt happening.

I stopped responding to her texts as often. I was trying to think of a way to talk to her about it but all my past friendships that fell apart, did so naturally and on a silent mutual agreement. So I was half hoping that would happen. Pretty stupid. Dont recommend. Just be straight with people.

After a few months of me only answering her texts every once in a while, she decided to start calling me multiple times a week. Often while I was at work. Sometimes from her mom and sisters phones when I wouldnt answer from her number. Idk y she thought that would work. She knows I hate talking on the phone.

I still didnt know what to say to her. I probably should've just told her I needed some space and she might've backed off for awhile so I could figure it out. But subway stressed me tf out. And i have no idea how you're supposed to end a relationship with your best friend of over 10 years.

(Also some of my other reasons for not wanting to be friends with her were specifically because of althea and I didnt want althea to get dragged into it. Unfortunately it ended up happening anyways. But basically back in highschool, if we were planning for all four of us (me, e, althea, and nikki) to get together, and nikki would have something come up, E would tell althea our get together was cancelled but would still have me come over and then made me promise not to say anything to althea about it.)

Around march or april of last year I blocked her family's numbers. This is when they started showing up at my work. The first time it happened I had a long ass line and was helping my coworker get through it before I left. Her sister came in by herself and just asked how I was doing but left pretty quick after she got her sandwich since it was busy. A couple more times they came and just parked outside like they were waiting for me to get off my shift but ended up leaving. The last time it happened E came in while I was there alone and I really didnt wanna have THAT conversation while i was at work alone and her crazy overprotective mom was out in the car waiting for her. So i made her sandwich very quickly so i could get her out as fast as I could.

I was planning on finally talking to her around the end of april but was still having trouble figuring out what to say.

Unfortunately any plan I had to let her down easy was sort of thrown out the window on may 13th of last year.

My mom texted me that morning about how she got a weird call from Es aunt. On her work phone. This is basically how that call went:

"IS THIS OLIVIAS MOM?????"

My mom, suddenly worried it's my work and something happened to me, "Yes?"

"Why isnt olivia talking to E anymore?"

"............I dont know."

So that kind of crossed a line for me. It really freaked my mom out.

I'm bad at articulating my thoughts when I'm mad or stressed out tho. So my friend Alice ended up writing out the text for me and I read through it to make sure it was ok.

Basically it said "I'm sorry but I dont think we can be friends anymore. The way you talk about the LGBT+ community makes me extremely uncomfortable, especially seeing as I am bisexual and have several friends in the community. The way you used to exclude althea from hanging out with us because you think shes annoying and then expect me to lie to her about it makes me uncomfortable. It was inappropriate to show up at my work unannounced to corner me into talking to you when I needed space. And it was even more inappropriate for your relatives to call my mom at work. I'm sorry I didnt say something sooner but I'm tired of pretending I'm ok with everything you've said over the years."

Then her mom texts me. I dont remember all of it but the gist was "you're a horrible person. E never judged you or anyone else (sure, miss "gay people are gross. I can see how conversion therapy might work." Totally isnt judging anyone and 100% cares about the lgbt+ community.) The only reason she did those things is because she was worried about you."

Then E left me a voicemail that I couldnt understand at all cuz she was crying and I felt terrible even tho everyone was telling me I shouldn't. Now I probably should've taken out the part about althea because it effectively threw my "not wanting to get althea involved" plan out the window. Honestly what really pissed me off about this next part both made me pissed at E but also at myself. E removed herself from the group chat I had with her, nikki, and althea. Blocked althea on Facebook and blocked her number. Didnt bother to explain why. I still feel terrible about this even tho althea has told me many times that it's fine and if she'd had to pick a side she wouldve picked mine. But I still felt like she at least deserved an explanation.

Alice told me to screenshot the texts. I almost didn't cuz I just wanted to forget about all this. But I did.

Anyways life moved on. Eric got a new phone and gave me his beat up galaxy s7. I stuck my s6 into a drawer and let it die and forgot about it.

Then on new years I got a call from althea. Not weird at all. She calls me every major holiday and birthday. Shes done this every year since junior year of high school.

Normal phone call at first. But then she says that her mom has been talking to E's mom. Apparently E's mom told altheas mom that I told E that althea hates her and thinks shes a terrible person and that's why E hasnt been talking to althea. Althea of course didnt believe that but wanted me know about it. This prompted me to try and charge up my old phone and get the screenshots off of it. I had it plugged in for a couple of days and it never turned back on. So that's out apparently.

That's also why I felt the need to get all of this written down. It may not be as great as having the actual screenshots but I'm bad at articulating my thoughts when confronted so I want to have something written down in case any of this comes up again.

#cw: transphobia #cw: homophobia #i needed to get this out while i could actually put it into words #this is the first time in a while that i actually can #personal #homophobia #transphobia #i never post stuff like this so hopefully im tagging it right

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stinkgh · 5 years

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al-anon is the only social activity i have at the moment, aside from work & a volunteer project but theyre not all that “social” compared to al-anon. i listen to them talk & it makes me realize how much of a wet mop I am. i dont do shit except lay in bed all day. no fucking hobbies, no interests, cant do anything that holds my attention for more than a few seconds before ive lost interest & ready to quit. id much rather be in beeeeeedddddd like holy fuck who am i though?? im so withdrawn i dont even remember who i am and its been a legit thing lately. i cant do anything without wanting to run back home & get in bed. god it sucks so fucking much. i feel like such a blank slate. I feel like this is because of how i was raised, because my mother squashed all my hobbies anyfuckingway so why even bother. and when i say squashed, i mean she fucking killed them dead murdered in cold fucking blood. she took every bit of individuality I had and crushed it with her evil fucking rat claws. i liked anime and cartoons, she forbade them. i liked to read harry potter, she called it devil worship and then burned my books. i liked video games, she smashed my gamecube with a hammer and burned my gameboy & all my games. burned my yugioh cards. insulted my taste in music by calling it devils music bc she couldnt understand the lyrics. i couldnt wear the things i liked, i couldnt even TALK WITHOUT HER RIDICULING MY FUCKING ACCENT. HOW FUCKING CONTROLLING DO YOU HAVE TO BE. she fucking squashed ANY AND EVERY BIT OF INDIVIDUALITY I FUCKING HAD. IS IT ANY WONDER IM A WET FUCKING MOP?!?! they all talk about activities like apple picking and shit and im just like… cant relate. thats too scary for me i cant handle it. i wouldnt enjoy it & probably couldnt wait for it to end so I could go home. in fact why even bother, just save the trouble and stay home. i literally have no interest if no one else is there. why do anything alone. god who am I?? have i always been like this?? i dont think i have. at one point i had lots of hobbies. i liked to read. and draw. i really loved to draw. i liked to do jigsaw puzzles. and music. but then i liked to do schoolwork. and i liked school. and i liked all these things because they were distractions from an alcoholic abusive mother. sometimes i feel like thats the only reason i ever did those things, and did so well in school, because my motivation was to escape home & i found solace in these things. now that i dont have such an evil presence looming over me 24/7, i have no need to “escape” (lets not mention the 4 years of literal daydreaming, no no thats a different kind of escape) and it takes a lot of effort to do these things for enjoyment rather than escapism. i have nothing to escape here.

something for me to research i think. how to trick yourself to enjoy healthy coping mechanisms lmao. honestly this is one of the reasons i think i need to be medicated. depression, but i cant not mention the impending doom known as abandonment fears haha bitch you thought! i dont want to meet new people and get attached! not now not ever again! so i say. i know this is a hinderance to the progress im seeking, but honestly it just makes me mad. i hate this. i hate that im so fucking broken. i literally dont know what to do when it comes to this shit. i dont know how to properly express myself face to face without panicking. its like that option doesnt even exist! IT NEVER HAS. Ive never been able to do that without getting beat or told i was being disrespectful. its better to shut the fuck up than to speak up because when i speak she fucking hits me. i grew up with that!! and now i dont know how to speak up to strangers who arent my mom and probably wont beat me for speaking my mind, but I dont know that lol my body certainly doesnt. i dont know how to feel comfortable with strangers without feeling ridiculed or shamed its just how im fucking programmed. i literally do not. know. how. to. do. this. please fucking help me. then why i TRY to communicate it comes out angry, agressive, and triggering bc i literally have NEVER had success with this on a 1-to-1 setting. it has ALWAYS ended with me getting squashed or me doing the squashing. jesus fucking christ what the fuuuuck this shit is so fucking frustrating and definitely one of those things i wish i could just *poof* make it better. writing this out makes me realize, its one of those things im gonna have to work really hard to improve. this sucks. this sucks so much.

gonna mention this next session, god i wish i didnt have realizations directly AFTER therapy bc now i gotta wait 2 whole weeks to see what he thinks & im probably gonna find some info on it before then bc thats what i do. there’s a book i saw floating around here on body triggers, im thinking of getting it. also im kinda disappointed, i thought he was gonna teach me things today but it was just like a normal session where i talked the entire time and he barely said much at all. when are you gonna teach me things pls im running on empty fumes here ;-;

adding in post: so in the tags I talk about nurturing my relationship with god and I mentioned that I don’t like saying “you’re suffering for a reason” because thats an awful thing to say to someone who has been abused and epsecially when the abuse is still fresh, its like youre fucking justifying the pain and suffering inflicted on you and that shit is fucking triggering as fuck. but then i forgot tumblr algorithms push quotated tags to the front of the list so when I posted this and had “you’re suffering for a reason” in quotation marks, it was the first tag to show up.

I see you bitch.

#you're suffering for a reason #ref1 #patience i guess #fuck im frustrated #nop #cant be perfect kiddo #take your time #youre fine #breathe easy #one day at a time #also need to mention i need to start reading alanon stuff every day if i can #i think this is a relationship i need to nurture #because everytime i go i hear some shit that i fucking needed to hear #and to ight it made me realize #this shit is real #these people arent imaginary #and they can fucking relate #i need to nurture my relationship with god #or find some kind of spirituality #honestly i struggle with this so fucking much #i dont believe god likes me #i believe he has made me suffer so much #i dont like that #and i dont like saying #there is no fucking reason to suffer #fuck off #shit makes me so fucking angry #but i need to be angry at god too #because somehow im still alive #that rotten bastard wont let me die

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the-velociruby · 5 years

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Earnest Discussions with Velo C. Raptor, #1

My Experiences with Bumbleby

I wanna try expressing my opinions & opening up a little bit here, if no one minds. This’ll be a first in a bunch of personal discourses, if anyone wants to see these kinds of posts from me. So as I am making my presence known on this site (probably a bad idea), I’ve been representing myself as a Bumbleby shipper. I wouldn’t say I’m the most devout shipper out there, nor do I really want to be viewed in that way, but when there’s a pairing that I really enjoy I’ll latch onto it tight. And Bumbleby happens to be one of them. Why do I enjoy it so much you may ask? Well, let’s dive right into that.

When I was first getting into anime, with Fullmetal Alchemist & Attack on Titan being my firsts, I was really getting into it. But my interests in most of the shows I watched died out as I finished them, and I felt a little empty without a show to be obsessed with. I was also an avid fan of Red Vs Blue at the time, so when they first announced RWBY as I was getting into anime, I was really interested. After watching the trailers, I was hooked. After watching the very first episode, I was in love with it. Granted, I didn’t like Volume 2 all that much (despite the bees’ dance), so my interests in it did die a little; that was quickly remedied by Volume 3, and then I was officially obsessed.

So while watching RWBY in its early years, I came to a few conclusions that others may have had at first: that Cinder Fall was the biggest bad, Adam Taurus was supposed to be some sort of mysterious badass (cue vomit in mouth), and everyone was gonna have a happy ending of some kind. Oh, and there was also something really important I concluded at the time: I thought everybody was straight. To me, it looked like almost everyone had a love interest of the opposite gender, such as Jaune & Pyrrha, Ren & Nora, Weiss & Neptune… and Sun & Blake. I didn’t really look hard enough into the show to think otherwise; I just assumed that Sun and Blake were gonna hook up while Yang was just gonna have her adventures happily by herself or with Ruby. It didn’t really bother me when I thought Rooster Teeth was gonna go for an all straight romance; I was pretty much fine with it because I would support the show I enjoy no matter what. Although admittedly, I did find that somewhat boring.

So if I thought RWBY was gonna go a heteronormative route, what got me into Bumbleby? Back to me first getting into anime: a thing I would do was go on the internet and search the shows I watched in the hopes of finding more content, which was how I came upon the world of fanfics and fanart. I remember how I’d look for & read FMA fanfics nonstop. RWBY was no exception; thus, I was introduced to Bumbleby through the fan-made works of its supporters (same for White Rose, which is also my favorite but a guilty pleasure because I think it’s much less likely to be canon). At first I was confused by such work, thinking ‘why would anybody ship Blake and Yang together if Blake had Sun?’ It didn’t make sense to me at first, but I found myself drawn to the numerous depictions of Blake & Yang together nonetheless.

And then it hit me: they look good together. GREAT, in fact. I was stunned, never having thought that such a relationship could have ever been conceived before. It was as if nothing could compare, nor the other RWBY ships could stand up to it. Not even Arkos, probably one of if not the most significant ship in RWBY, was designed so perfectly like Bumbleby was. Just everything about those two complimented & contrasted with each other so well – black against yellow, amber eyes complementary to lilac ones, and their fantasy inspirations intermingling with one another. The more I would find fanart and fanfics of it, the more I would fall in love with it. It was by far the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen, and it was the works of other fans that convinced me that they were the perfect ship.

But to me at first, it didn’t look like Rooster Teeth agreed with that train of thought. I still believed that they were gonna put everyone in a straight romance (and by that I mean I still thought Blake and Sun were gonna hook up). I didn’t really have any of the investigative skills I have now to look deeper into the show to think otherwise, though I did question moments in the show that wouldn’t have made sense for a friendship-Bumbleby or a romantic-Black Sun. Still, I was certain that Blake & Yang were straight at first, so I pretty much made Bumbleby a guilty pleasure. Honestly, I would’ve still supported Rooster Teeth and RWBY if they went with Black Sun, as I didn’t fall for the series simply for the romance.

Then Volume 4 came out, then Volume 5, and now Volume 6. Now, I have come to new conclusions: RWBY has a bigger n’ better bad in the form of Salem, Adam is the bull-horned bastard that he is who deserved damnation, and everything is a lot more greyer than previously thought (as in not morally black and white). Oh, and I concluded something else that’s really important: not everybody is straight. Black Sun turned out to be a friendship more so than a romance; Yang and Blake were painfully missing each other during their separation; then they were reunited and that’s all that matters (music reference haha); everything just started pointing towards a deeper relationship between the ex-partners. Bumbleby was more than likely to be canon, and it pretty much is at this point. Their stories were practically woven together, setting everything up for them to be together. Everything about Bumbleby just seemed right now. I couldn’t have been more elated.

So some individuals outside the Bumbleby fandom may think that I’m “delusional” for believing in its confirmation. Some of those people may think I’m approving of something “toxic” (which is a ridiculous sentiment might I add). Frankly, I don’t care for any negative things others might say about my preferences. This is the internet, only real life can hurt my feelings. It also never matters to me if the characters in a canon or non-canon ship are of the same gender & sexuality or not, what matters is that they’re depicted to be happy and in love. I ship two characters I adore because it makes me happy. Frankly, I’m always afraid of never finding a special someone. The thought of not having a partner and living alone severely depresses me, and I have these thoughts constantly. But when I see two amazing characters I appeal to in a happy, healthy, and fantastically developed relationship, especially one like Bumbleby, it will always give me a little hope for my own future. Or if a ship’s simply canon then I’ll just love it like a blind puppy dog.

So I guess that’s all I have to say. I enjoy the Bees, they’re on their way to canonization if not already, and I couldn’t be happier. I also couldn’t be more thankful for the contributions of others in the RWBY fandom to Bumbleby. If I didn’t find the passion behind Bumbleby that others have, a passion I learned to share & understand, I’d probably be a generally more miserable person than a joyful one. Thank you for taking your time to read this earnest discussion. If anyone wants to see more of these from me, please be sure to let me know. Also, send me any asks if you want me to elaborate on anything!

#rwby #bumbleby #yang xiao long #blake belladonna #long post #earnest discussion

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listen-to-the-inner-walrus · 5 years

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i was gonna like make a well written post about my thoughts on endgame but i also cant be bothered and have Lots of Thoughts.

ngl, i honestly came out of the movie really underwhelmed. like there were lots of moments where i was entertained and enjoyed it like the scene where everyone™ came to protect earth, that scene felt fucking great, i was so with it, but like most other moments i enjoyed were pretty incosequential.

its just that so much of it felt unearned. like hulk!banner is fucking great and i love it a lot but it was unearned, in my opinion. like infinity war showed that banner was having problems with hulk and couldnt change and then suddenly in endgame, theyve merged and work perfectly well together. but we dont get to see the process, we dont get to see banner struggle, we dont get to see how it happened, were just told that over the five year gap, it did.

i wouldnt normally have a problem with that, we dont need to see everything when were watching a movie, im not cinemasins, i dont want my hand held the entire time, but the problem i have with this is that it completely ignores banners arc from infinity war and just like speedruns it and that, to me, is completely unearned. its told to us rather than shown.

also i loved tonys kid a lot and i love the idea, but that felt so fucking unearned and just out of nowhere. like yeah theres was five year skip and the foreshadowing in infinity war, but we didnt like get much screentime with her or with them interacting so the bit with happy at the end just didnt elicit any emotion from me. like yeah we can infer that the kid would be important to happy, but we never get to see them interact and we dont even know if happy survived the snap so we dont know their relationship. so like what should have been an emotional beat was just like :/ how long does this have left

that was like my reaction to a lot of the emotional moments in the first half was just :/

i didnt enjoy the first half much honestly. it felt like it was going from plot point to plot point with no real emotional gain or narrative gain or character gain. a lot of it felt like the russos telling us things instead of showing it if that makes sense.

like we didnt really get to see natasha trying so hard to bring everyone back, we were just told it, her death didnt really hit me. her fight with clint did, but her actual death didnt make me feel anything.

another reason i was underwhelmed was probably the fact that throughout the entire mcu, there has been quite a bit of inconsistent characterisation and endgame is guilty of it too. like nat and clints interactions felt like they were from avengers assemble era rather than endgame. ill probably make a separate post (actually well written) about steve but jesus his characterisation flipped depending on the damn scene. there were moments where it felt like they were just ignoring his development from certain movies to fit the plot. same with hulk and with valkyrie (who was criminally underused), etc.

but like thats not really a big fault of endgame because a lot of it is baggage from the rest of the mcu and its not on age of ultron level. its also the same kind of thing as my problem with a lot of characters like carol or valkyrie being underused and its that theres a lot of characters and some of them are gonna be underused.

also like this isnt that much of a problem but some of the hulks cgi looked a little goofy at times so there were emotional moments where i like snorted because it was like one foot in the uncanny valley. but then also, its pretty difficult to create a gigantic green man and not have some of it be in the uncanny valley.

that being said, there were some great fucking moments including korg and meek showing up, everything with carol including her new haircut, hulk dabbing, the battle at the end, the part where all the women assembled, when steve was using mjorlnir (that was so fucking great), everything with spiderman, thors arc was pretty great honestly, and all the performances were great.

honestly my main takeaway is that theres a great movie in there, but i think there might be too much movie so some things were skipped over which was to the detriment of the film.

also randomly, we never got to see what happened with loki who took the tesseract and disappeared and like are they gonna explore that more or are they just gonna ignore it in later movies?

#avengers #avengers endgame #endgame #spoilers #avengers endgame spoilers #endgame spoilers

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jaeyong · 5 years

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this is realllllly long and just a venting post which i doubt anyone will actually read but.....anyways it has to do with idols and sex/sexuality etc....

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I don’t usually post opinions about shit kpop fans do but this shit is so gross???LIKe????? Like ......alright I’m not a naive person by any means and I’ve heard that about western band members having groupies etc and shit but why the hell are people so cool with this shit and dismissive about the possibility fans getting treated like groups personal brothel?? (Especially with all the underage girls OMG).... Like I may say this and that member is sexy etc. and thirst over them but dear god I’d would NEVER like being seen as just some sex object that is there at some groups disposal. (also It grinds my gear how op just assumes the majority of fans would actually sleep with their idols like???) And even if it is consensual it doesn’t inherently make something okay, especially when there are power imbalances and where there is a case of impressionable young girls that might get easily manipulated by a famous persons influence ( actually it doesn’t matter the age that’s just such a sleazy thing to do.) And how is that not objectifying????LIKE HOW??? And please miss me with the “ iF iTs a ChOIce It’s emPOwering “ bullshit because while the hypothetical situation in which a fan DID consent to sleeping with a group member is MILES BETTER than her being forced to do sexual activities without consent, it’s not inherently empowering. It’s just, at fucking best, not the worst shit that could go down. It’s also not empowering especially when said idol/band member would have probably literally looked at a crowd , pointed at you unfazed and said some shit like, ” I want that one” , reminiscent of picking out a sex toy at some adult themed store. Honestly this is just a personal opinion but I genuinely believe that opportunistic men that use their fame to sleep with women aren’t good people.They just see women as objects (it doesn’t matter whether consensual or not) and are no different then your average misogynist fuckboy, they just have influence and might feel even entitled or smug that they might get to sleep with whomever they want because of fame. Like I could talk about sex positiveity for women all day but no matter how I spin it, at the end of the day I know men aren’t gonna give a flying fuck about my sexual freedom and just see my own potential consent to as convenient for them to get some pu**y. ( ANYWAYS this kinda feels like I went on a tangent I just wanted to address the fact that people will let anything fly when it comes to women being objectified under the guise of consent ~ )

Also another thing is that I find it really weird as hell whenever people talk about idols sexual habi- oh wait a minute *clears throat* , I mean HYPOTHETICAL sexual habits as if they know them and could actually decipher how they would act in a said situation out of like....them acting sexy or their personality..... AND they speak so presumptuously and un-ironically about these things and it blows my mind. Like, for example, just because I’m in a certain age and can act sexy for like some skit or dance doesn’t mean a person knows FOR CERTIAN any shit about my sex life, beliefs,kinks , sexual habits etc, you name it.... And what really bothers me is when ANYONE acts like they KNOW better than anyone else about ANYTHING related to an idols sexuality . By this I mean people on the extremes that say vulgar and disturbing shit like op above by talking down on people and saying fans are naive~~ and that idols probs get lots of puss*Y !!!111111 to the other end of of the spectrum where there are people who think that oppa/unnie are innocent virgins that have never had any sexual thoughts. Both are problematic and just should stop talking about people’s sex life as if they know them. ( and that includes obsessing over somethings sexual orientation and saying they KNOW when someone is XY or z because they fit into a stereotype....even though people like to preach that you should’t assume orientation because of these things????)

I’ve had something similar happen to me and I can tell you that 1. They were dead fucking wrong about their assumption and 2- It felt invasive as hell and made me uncomfortable, plus....... even if they were right it just feels really off-putting having someone MATTER OF FACTLY talk about something sexual related to you as if they know shit about you ,when they don’t.

Lastly, I wanted to point out this bad habit of kpop fans projecting onto their faves all these things related to sexuality. I’m really bad at explaining this but it goes beyond just thirsting on their faves ...., it goes into territory that seems really objectifying to me where sometimes a fandom will push this narrative (im not sure if I’m using the right word) or characterization of an idols personality just to suit their sexual fantasies or wishful thinking. I’ve seen this in fanfiction and from personal experience have been in a fandom that distorted an idols image to suite this hyper-sexualized cute UWU baby boy that is simultaneously infantilized ( which is wierd and ANOTHER topic for another day....) and it really disturbs me to the point where I can’t look at some of said idols material in peace. And I know I’m not making a mountain out of a molehole when it comes to associating how fandom chooses to collectively present an idol via fiction (especially sexually) because it does have an effect on reality. Like there has been actual studies on how fictional portrayal can affect reality ( i saw a post but i don’t have a list/links.) Also I’ve legitimately seen people say shit like “ I thought x member was like *insert personality trait* because of how he was portrayed in fan-fiction but found out that he is an actual sweetheart irl” and other things to that extent. Also posts joking around how so and so are portrayed like “x” in fanfic when they are actually ‘different’ in reality. It just makes me think that it’s really telling on how how a lot of times people will use idols as these characters that they can project their kinks on and sexualize and how much indulgence i see in this is iffy.

( and now this is just extra and shady as hell ngl and just some thought I’ve had....but I also always find it interesting how people on this site will talk shit about fuckboys saying they ain’t shit etc but then project that very same fuckboy image that they say they hate on some random ass idol JUST because X idol ACTs flirty and confident for fan-service like??? and its even all the more interesting considering how idols mostly have this wholesome/pure~~ image but kpop fans like taking that and doing the most, just completely deconstructing it ... bonus points if the ones projecting the fuckboy image onto an idol are also the ones telling and insisting to other fans they are stupid for believing that idols are pure~ Like why do these type of fans latch onto kpop idols that as a whole have a “clean” image just to do the complete opposite and insist otherwise??? Like I makes me wonder... if male kpop idols DIDN’T have a nearly squeaky clean image from the get go, would they have spent all this time fawning over them??? and projecting this “ X idol is secretly a fuckboy sexual fantasy” the way the do now?? Like why do people get so ecstatic over the idea of idols being fuckboys when they could just like ....entertain the average ass that they probably have dealt with in in their daily lives???)

(anyways this turned long but these thought are all connected somehow but my another reason for typing this is because if fans are just there to just potentially fuck idols it kinda reinforces the idea that idols are just famous because teenage girls go ape shit over heartthrobs or whatever and not like , cuz the idols are talented and people enjoy there performances???? also the whole standing in line for the opportunity to fuck an idol just goes hand in hand with the whole being a fan that thinks they have a chance to date their idol and is delulu ( actually this is worse yuck).... and i definalty wouldnt want people looking at me like I only enjoy kpop cuz i want my favs dick because kpop fans get viewed in a bad light already.....

#personal #damn this is all over the place and im gonna get unfollows but.....#*sighs*#venting #i didnt reread or proofread so if anyone ACTAULLY tries to read this im srry #also i blocked this person

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welllbeing · 6 years

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so I realized I didnt put trigger warnings on my other posts talking about rape and I’m sorry.

but I left out the fact that it was a tinder date. I actually left out a lot, I didnt tell the whole story and I havent told this to anyone in person either but I want to get it out somewhere. now, the guy from tinder wasn’t the one who raped me. it was another guy who was there,

this is going to be a long post

the tinder guy and I talked for a litle bit here and there before I went. he seemed nice and would send me snaps every day. so at the time, it all felt like I had just misunderstood the situation but now that I think about it, it seems a little weird.

so this guy was originally supposed to come pick me up from my house and we were going to go get food and maybe see a movie. but then he suggested me going there because we could eat something and then go swimming later since there was a pool in the backyard. I was up for it so I said okay and drove out there.

when I was leaving he had told me it was only 25 minutes. my gps said 48. I went anyway. then I got there I learned that its not even his house, its his friends and they were having a small pool party. I didnt expect there to be other people but I figured that he probably wanted to see how I got along with his friends and everything and there was a girl there so I just sat with her while he ran out to the store for snacks and stuff. she was really nice and the guys kind of stuck to themselves playing in the pool, I felt fine about the whole thing.

now,, tinder guy said hello when I got there and introduced me to his friends but then he kinda didnt pay any attention to me for the rest of the time that we were outside. and it didnt bother me then, he was playing in the pool, I wasn’t, so it kinda just made sense. but then we all went inside and were going to smoke on the screened in porch, the girl went in to pee and then the guys went in to get alcohol and to roll so i was left out on the porch for a while because they all ended up standing in the kitchen talking while two of the guys rolled and the other made drinks. I just stayed on the porch since i was smoking a cigarette but tinder guy eventually came out and sat and talked with me for a little bit. everyone else came about 10 minutes later so we all started smoking and drinking.

now, I dont smoke often but I can smoke a whole blunt by myself and be fine. we shared between 8 people (a couple of other people came after a while). and I can drink an entire bottle of fireball and just be tipsy. now idk what was up with me that night but I had one shot and two moonshine soaked cherries and then only hit the blunt 4 times and at first I was fine but then i started to feel nauseous and then I felt hot in the face but cold on the back of my head and I felt incredibly dizzy. so i got off of the stool i was sitting on and went and got on the couch that was on the porch. i sat there and just waited it out.

by the time the nausea went away, most of the people went inside to play video games (including tinder guy) and I was left outside with two of the guys. guess who being one of them. the three of us talked for about 20 minutes or so and then the guy that owned the house started telling everyone he was going to bed so people started leaving. it ended up being just me, tinder guy, and ‘you know who’ left (I dont know what to call him.). tinder guy was still inside but the other guy asked me if I could give him a ride home, said that the guy that brought him home left and that he was on the way to where I was headed. I said sure. tinder guy came back out and offered to give him a ride home shortly after but he told him that I already would. now, this conversation at first made me feel like he wasnt wanting me to give him a ride, and idk maybe he didnt and im just reading into it too much, but heres what happened.

tinder guy asked if I was sure, I said I didnt mind since it was on the way and I had already told him yes. he told me that he could take him and I still said it was fine. now i took that as him either being nice or possibly being jealous that i was gonna drive another guy home even though i came to see him. but I was honestly a little annoyed that he ignored me for all but 10 minutes the entire night and that it was 1 am and i still had to drive another 48 minutes and be at work in the morning but I was also just trying to be nice and save him having to go the opposite way from his house to take this guy home. so I said I would.

we all started saying goodbye to each other, the guy who lived there went inside so the three of us went out to the yard, and I started walking to the car. but it wasnt until I got to the car that I realized the guy wasnt following me so i just sat on the hood of the car and waited. it was about 15 minutes before he came to the car and I guess wiinder guy went back in because he didnt come through the gate. I didnt think anything of it, I thought they were just talking about something you know? like theyre friends right? we’ll touch on this later.

so ‘you know who’ got in the car and I turned my lights on and realized someone had parked behind me. I dont know why I didnt realise that until after I got in the car, i still had some of that weird lightheaded feeling and my brain was a little foggy but I figured I had driven while high before so id be fine. I couldnt figure out how to get around the car without driving all over the guys lawn though and he was trying to direct me on what to do but I didnt want to hit another car (some people stayed the night there so there were about four cars around mine) so he offered to do it and I let him get in the drivers seat.

so once we got out of the driveway, I expected him to stop and get out but he kept going and asked if it was okay if he drove to his house so he wouldnt have to give me directions. it made sense to me at the time because he knew where he was going, I didnt. and even though i wasnt liek ‘i cant walk or speak’ high or drunk but i did have slightly delayed reactions. and i remember him asking how I knew tinder guy so I told him from tinder and he asked if it was supposed to be a date and I think i said that I wasnt sure. but I know that i wasnt hearing some things he was saying because at one point he had apparently been asking me if he could ask me a question but I didnt answer so he typed it on his phone and held it in front of my face instead. I hadnt smoked in a while so I think thats why I did got so high before and was still high at this point but I mean i dont really smoke much anyway and that feeling has only happened one other time when I smoked a blunt and a half by myself and held my breath on the last inhale. but this was only four hits so its odd when I think about it.

but the question he asked me basically boiled down to asking me if i wanted to fuck. it just took him 5 minutes of elaborate explaining to do that. I said that wasnt what I came here for and that I needed to go home because i had work.

at this point, we had pulled into a neighborhood but I’m pretty sure he just drove the car around in circles all over the neighborhood either a) to confuse me about where his house was because they all look the same or b) to stall. probably both. because I have no idea which house was his or how we even got there, i just remember it was on the right side. and he also spend 15 minutes driving around this neighborhood trying to talk me into hooking up. he kept saying that it was an opportunity, that it was something I’d be able to tell my kids when I got older, that i would never have to hear from him again. I kept telling him that i wasnt going to, that i shouldnt, that i couldnt, but since i didnt say no he parked the car and asked if i wanted to. i hesitated, was going to say no but then he started talking again and gave his whole ‘this is an opportunity; speech again. and it honeslty was like he was asking so many questions and talking so much and I was trying to process it all at once but it all just like mixed together so I just interrupted him

I finally turned completely in my seat and looked at him, apologized, told him that I thought he was nice and i thought he was good looking but that I needed to go home and that i wasnt going to do that tonight because I could tell that I wasnt able to focus good, because I couldnt, my head was hurting and it felt like I was only processing things after they happened, and he said “okay but can I at least get a kiss? just one?”. I hesitated and tried to laugh it off and again, said that I couldnt but he started leaning to me and I honestly wasnt that opposed to just kissing him, like i said I didnt think he was bad looking or anything (although dont remember anything about his facial features anymore) so I didnt move and let him kiss me. it was a bit of a long kiss and he had his hand in my hair but when I felt him put his other hand on my thigh I pulled away and said that I had to go home again but he pulled me back and kissed me again and he started putting his hand in my shirt and it didnt even register until his hand was almost completely in my bra but I pushed it down and pulled away and I did say no to that, i remember that, so then he just sat there and tried to talk me into letting him touch me. I admit, I wasnt opposed to just like making out and messing around, I kind of liked the attention at first (key words), I just didnt want to have sex. so when he kissed me again i didnt really do anything but kiss back.

but then it just got harder and he shoved his tongue down my throat and I tried to kiss back a little bit but then it honestly felt like he was going to crush my head inbetween his hand and his face like it wasnt even like he was kissing at that point, it was like he was just using his mouth to shut me up he was just pushing so hard so I started trying to pull away and to talk and everything but it wasnt working because I he was holding the back of my head and then he put his hand in my pants and started touching me and put mine in his and it was at that point that I thought maybe I should just compromise so i pulled away as much as i could and told him that I would give him head but I wouldnt have sex with him. I didnt really want to do that but I was more willing to do that than have sex with him. he said he wanted to go somewhere more private. I knew that was a bad idea but I also didnt say anything because I also didnt want to be walked up on while I was giving head you know? so he drove down the road a little bit and to a spot with no houses, there was a pond on the right side a little away from the road and I could see houses down the road on the left but there weren’t any directly around us. I started giving him head, I was leaned over the middle console and he kept trying to pull my leggings down but every time he did, I sat up so he finally like smacked his lips and said ‘fine, I’ll just take the head then’ and thats when he started holding me down and he held me down so long once that I felt like i was going to choke or throw up or something. he put his hand in my pants again and put his fingers inside of me but i pulled his hand away and when he let go I immediately sat up again.

I thought about just getting out of the car and i dont know why i didnt, why it took me so long to do it but when I started to reach for the door he reached over me and pulled the lever so the back of my seat went down and he started to get on top of me and i just panicked a little bit but I just started talkign, i kept saying that I couldnt and that I wasnt going to and that i wasnt on birth control ( I was but only had been for a week and a half) and he said ‘fuck that’ I’ll pull out’ but I said that pulling out was shit because I could still get pregnant and went to sit up and push him away but that was when he hit me in the face and got me in the nose and it burned and i guess it kind of just stunned me? i dont know but like my head was pounding after that even though it didnt break or i wasnt bleeding, it just hurt a lot and he pulled my shirt up and unhooked my bra so he could pull it up. he was sitting on my thighs and had one of my arms held against the seat and I had used the other to check if I was bleeding but it didnt feel like I was so i was going to try to push myself up or push him off or something when he got up a little bit to take my pants off but then he elbowed me in the face and that one got me in the mouth and my top and bottom teeth pierced into my lips a little bit on the right side and then he did it again and that split my bottom lip

so after that, idk I just went with it and let him do it. i even helped him get my shoe off when he couldnt get my leggings off around it.. and while he was doing.. that. he kept yelling at me to move up in the seat and when I didnt move enough (I was scared but I didnt want to move to make it easier so I only moved like an inch), he pushed me up and then put himself inside of me and he held my head up and told me to look. he held my head like that almost the whole time but I closed my eyes or tried to just look to my side out the window instead.

then when he was done, he got out on my side and pulled his pants up, and got back in the car. but I didnt close the door when he got out so I just sat there with it open and stared at the road for a minute before he asked if I was ready so I finally stood up to at least put my pants back on but left my bra unhooked and half off because I didnt want to take my shirt off to fix it. and then he drove back to his house when i got back in. once we got back there, he was looking for his wallet and reaching between the seats and everything and I honestly hoped he wouldnt find it and assume he left it at the guys house so I could just get his name but he finally did. so we got out and he started to go around the front of the car towards his house so i went around the back to get in the front seat but he came back around and made me hug him and when I hugged him he said ‘dont you fucking tell anybody” and then as he started walking back he said it was ‘our little secret’ and made the ‘shh’ sign at me.

so after that i just drove down the road a little bit and fixed my bra and shirt and put my gps on and literally raced out of that neighborhood and once i got on the main road i just started bawling.

now the point of saying all of this was not just to get what happened out there so somebody knows (I havent even told my parents or best friend all of this. i just said that i was raped and that he hit me once. i didnt say that i have speculations that i may have been slipped something in my drink. i didnt say that i was going to compromise. i didnt say that i was high. i didnt say that he busted my lip (by the time i told anyone, it had started healing over enough that i could pass it off as just me picking at chapped lips). and i dont know why but I feel like the more details the more it would hurt or something??

but I think tinder guy may know about it. or maybe thats why he invited me. I dont know. because the day before he was talking about us going somewhere and then he asked if I had any female friends because he had a friend that was single and needed a girl but my friends are all in relationships. so the fact that he left me outside with this guy a few times makes me wonder if he was actually said friend.

and the next day I asked him if he knew that guys name. but he said he had just met him that day, that he only knew a nickname. but for the next three days he was on his snapchat. im pretty sure that was him. i dont know why i cant remember his face, i mean it was dark the whole time we were outside but maybe because i didnt think much of him so i didnt pay attention much when we were actually in the light on the porch? I just saw a guy with a hat and a short goatee and a septum piercing that night and then there was a guy with a hat and a short goatee and septum piercing on his snapchat for three days in a row afterwards and he hasnt sent me anything since. I finally took him off of there today, even though he may not have had anything to do with it, hes friends with the guy so I want nothing to do with him.

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