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zhongrin · 8 days

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honey, can you.… commit a crime for me?

✼ characters ┈ zhongli, childe, kaeya, diluc, al haitham, tighnari, wriothesley, neuvillette

✼ tags ┈ gn!reader, crack, fluff

✼ a/n ┈ what even are these hsdlkfjlskjdf kinda wanna create a yandere version of this /is bonked

ꜱᴘᴇᴄɪᴀʟ ᴍᴇɴᴜ (ꜱᴇʀɪᴇꜱ ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ) ✼ ᴏᴜʀ ꜰᴜʟʟ ᴍᴇɴᴜ (ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ) ✼ ᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀꜱʜɪᴘ (ᴛᴀɢʟɪꜱᴛ)

zhongli immediately tries to find the core of the problem. “what is it that troubles you, dearest? perhaps we can find a more peaceful solution? violence is not always the answer. this, i know from all the 6000 years i’ve lived—” aaaand there he goes on his lecture. if your goal was to get him to give you a preaching of a lifetime, well, congratulations, you’ve done it. sit back and relax, brew some tea, maybe get some snacks, because you’ll be here for a while.

al haitham, surprisingly, actually humors you. only because he knows you were teasing him and this is his way of teasing you back, but you’ll probably end up staring at him in confusion because he looks dead serious while doing so. “what an interesting offer. i’ll have to ask you to submit a formal proposal through your special submission channel. make sure you have several backup plans in case of emergencies. have it on my desk by tomorrow afternoon, the latest.”

wriothesley straight up denies you with a roll of his eyes. he knows you’re joking, and honestly speaking he would stain his hands with blood for you, but as much as he loves you, he really didn’t want you to end up at the fortress while under a sentence. although theoretically he could pull some strings to make sure you spent your sentence peacefully if that scenario ever happened, the fact was that such records will follow you for the rest of your life, and he wants you to stay in the sunlight. “what did i always tell you? don’t break the law... but if you really want to, how about you try to steal my breath away with a kiss?”

neuvillette stops writing his reports immediately, eyes wide and mouth slightly open. “my dear, come sit, let us converse.” he holds your hand and proceeds to rope you into a heart-to-heart talk. are you being harassed by someone? are you being threatened? the cup of water rippled erratically as he waited for you to answer those particular questions. is there something he could do to help that wouldn’t make either of you getting dragged into a court trial? can he— …. yeah, someone save him, he totally thinks that you’re serious.

childe agrees immediately. is that even a question? “sure! who do you need me to kill?” he asks, with his signature wide boyish grin plastered onto his face and his hand twitching to reach for his hydro blade. look. it’s your ajax. your (man)childe. your tartaglia. i bet you liked his murderous tendencies anyway. are you even surprised?

kaeya makes it a point to gasp and looking like a maiden who caught the sight of two lovers rendezvousing in the garden. when he notices you not buying his act, however, he laughs and switches gear into a teasing smile, “oh? was me stealing your heart not enough?”

diluc stares at you blankly, one eyebrow raised, his voice monotonous — if you hadn’t known how to read his minuscule reactions, you would have missed the spark of mirth dancing in his eyes; a trace of the young ‘luc buried deep inside the scarred heart of a charred phoenix, “…. hmph. did kaeya put you up to this?”

tighnari hums nonchalantly and gives you a knowing smirk, his tail swishing mischievously behind him, “perfect. i do have a rare specimen i’d like to plant. i’m sure it’ll benefit well from the nutrients it’ll absorb from your victim. so, where did you put the body?”

✼ ᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀꜱʜɪᴘ (ᴛᴀɢʟɪꜱᴛ) ┈

@abyssmal-skies ! @hamdehlesmis ! @sunnshineflxwer ! @queen-belial ! @silentmoths

@dustofthedailylife ! @marina-and-the-memes ! @mixed-kester ! @lordbugs ! @anonymousficreader

@irethepotato ! @sassy-cat-in-town ! @syrenkitsune ! @smokipoki ! @cakeboxie

@crystalflygeo ! @ciexuvia ! @illaasya ! @celestewritestoomuch ! @pams-comfortzone

@spidermanluvr444 ! @ourstrawberryclouds ! @ryuryuryuyurboat ! @hrts4hanniehae ! @fiannee

@frosts-intuition ! @florapocalypses ! @genshin-impacts-me ! @scarasmood ! @hellcatinnc

@beloved-brynn ! @malachitemischief101 ! @average-yandere-enjoyer

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apollos-boyfriend · 10 months

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so my younger cousin is flying in to visit from brazil on sunday, and will be staying here for like, the entirety of july. which, don't get me wrong, is super cool! i love the kid! but it felt like a super weird move, considering his parents are the SUPER strict and borderline helicopter parents. even the smallest prank/roughousing with him/his little sister would lead to a strict talking to from his parents, he couldn't ever do anything without their clear permission, that sort of stuff. so letting him fly at alone at 16 to a whole different country and stay there for a whole month seemed WILDLY out of character. additionally, it just felt like a super last-minute trip. it's not like we have any plans to do when he gets here, and the flight itself and stuff only got booked like, midway through june.

and i was talking to my mom about it, kind of trying to nudge some answers out of her, and after a while she went, "yeah, i think they're sending him over here to get away for his boyfriend. see if the distance breaks them off." which, first of all, surprised me because last i checked, they didn't KNOW he had a boyfriend. literally everyone in the family did EXCEPT for them because while that entire side of the family being semi-conservative, his parents (mostly his dad) are EXTREMELY old-fashioned. so clearly something already went wrong. and considering the only reason the rest of the family knew is because one person found out and it spread like wildfire, i have a sneaking suspicion he wasn't the one to tell them, either.

and second of all. they're sending him HERE. to try to make him forget his homosexuality. i couldn't do anything but just wordlessly gesture to the multiple pride flags scattered around my room, then to myself, because really? he has like two other cousins in the us and they're sending him to me? honey i am about to introduce this kid to queer scenes you have never even heard of. he'll be returning home with labels only shrimp can perceive

#icarus speaks #i fully believe she's correct btw #they are. not the brightest people. and honestly probably believe this is something that could work #cause i can see the logic of get him away and hopefully he'll realize it's a phase. which is Likely what they think #but oh honey you have a big storm coming #side note this is the SECOND time someone's been outed without permission on that side of the family 😭#bitches learned of my transgenderism SO quickly #also even if that's NOT why they sent him here. i will still be rocking his world #they have given me Infinite Power and i will use it to make this kid's life as queer as physically possible

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thenearsightedmicroraptor · 1 year

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Seen a lot of posts about people coming into your notifications out of nothing and liking your entire blog, but here's a shoutout to the people who do Not follow you, who appear out of nowhere, reblog One (1) post that you are Not the op of, and then you never see them again. Where did you come from girl.

#EDITED bc I think this one goes on ppls recommended pages now #HEY GUYS the question in this post is rhetorical ! i don't actually care. you can stop telling me honeys its ok #i like the mystery. i don't needta know everything #also when i say shoutout. i mean it. i love you guys i am not annoyed. you're all wonderful. keep doing you.#posts by ME #tumblr #like ... you didn't find the post thru tags because I just reblogged it #i made no addition. how did you find me #be free you majestic creatures I'm glad I got to witness you in passing #how tf tho.#did you look at my blog but only one post made the cut. amazing. i love you.

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susie-dreemurr · 2 months

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The “Gerald texting Linda everything is okay while he’s dying alone” and “Linda thinks she finally won her father’s respect only for him to remorselessly throw her to the wolves” got to me.

#nightmare time #I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE JOKING BUT IT REALLY DOES MAKE YOU FEEL FOR THE WORST PEOPLE HUH #linda monroe #nightmare time 2 #honey Queen #starkid #hatchetverse #mine #this template can also go for other episodes of this series such as time bastard #nmt

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mag200 · 3 months

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the entire tma staff if they learned the tmagp staff are allowed to quit

#sam honey you can just leave. except you have something deeply wrong with you and i love you for it.#tmagp

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thorsonoflesbian · 2 years

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Jerry Bruckheimer and Paramount: Top Gun is a heterosexual movie dedicated to the military.

Val Kilmer and Glen Powell, captains of their respective ships, holding pride flags and bull horns: I THINK THE FUCK NOT

#icemav #top gun #top gun maverick #hangster #val saw tom's twink ass the first day of filming and said 'bet'#tom honey the closet is glass you can come out now #tom 'iceman' kazansky #pete 'maverick' mitchell #jake 'hangman' seresin #bradley 'rooster' bradshaw

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egophiliac · 1 year

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HAVE YOU SEEN MALLEUS DORM UNIFORM CARD????

I didn't get him. :( ...so I looked up his dorm story and it is incredible, oh my god. if you haven't noticed by now, Malleus doing the absolute stupidest shit with the best intentions is my favorite, and this is pandering directly to that part of me. I can't pick a favorite part.

(wait, actually, yes I can)

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #also containing copious amounts of my second-favorite thing which is malleus vs technology #i can't believe it's literally canon that malleus 1) does not attend meetings because he can't figure out how to open his email #and 2) therefore GUESSES when and where the meeting is and will just. sit in the fucking library for two hours wondering where everyone is.#mal. honey. you can be all '~fae and humans have such different senses of reality~'#but i think you might just be a doofus.#also canon: malleus powerwashes his phone and then is like 'i didn't do anything it just broke'#and don't forget my THIRD-favorite thing which is malleus trying very hard to be a good host and being extremely bad at it #this story really has it all huh #everyone's super mad and screaming at him and he's just like 'feel free to have some cake } :)'#yep. definitely a doofus.

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abitofboth · 29 days

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you’ll change your name or change your mind, and leave this fucked up place behind, but I’ll know, I’ll know…

#honey you’re familiar like my mirror years ago #etc etc #do you see what I’m SAYING #they make me cry always #spies are forever #saf #tin can brothers #tin can bros #tcb #agent curt mega #owen carvour #curt mega #joey richter #deadliest man alive #dma #joe walker #curtwen #millie talks

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wispscribbles · 9 months

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Reasons why your soap design is perfect:

He looks like a grown man/soldier at the same time as exuding the chaos of a disagreeable/ mischievous toddler.

10/10

(Ghost is perfect too, just so he doesn’t get jealous :) )

Aaah thank you! He's my little gremlin, I want to do him justice

#ask #phandomtaleweaver #john soap mactavish #cod fanart #ghostsoap #my art #doodle #ghost just standing there thinkin 'you can blow up whatever u want honey'#.as long as u keep looking at me like that'

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zhongrin · 11 months

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“honey, can you… get us a pet?”

◇ characters ◇ zhongli, al haitham, childe, tighnari, kaveh, pantalone, cyno

◇ tags ◇ fluff, crack, dragon!li

◇ a/n ◇ all i want in life is a zhongli and a al haitham with their chosen pets is that really too much to ask

𝑠𝑒𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑠 𝑚𝑎𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡 ⬙ 𝑚𝑎𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡 ⬙ 𝑡𝑎𝑔𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡

zhongli, predictably, brings back a dog. before you ask, it’s a very normal dog that isn’t the size of a mountain and is unable to control the elements. it’s a common house pet, a sign of luck and auspiciousness, plus he’s a very good boy!

………. just. don’t coddle rex jr. too much, okay? rex sr. is still a half-dragon after all.

al haitham brings back a pot of some rare plant he got at the grand bazaar... what? plants are pets too. an even better version, he argues, especially since this particular one should bear small edible fruits when they grow enough. plus, they’re quiet and will let him read in peace.

hey, it’s your fault for never specifying what kind of pet you wanted him to get.

childe brings back an otter. where did he get it? no one knows. don’t ask. where will he put it? uhhh. no worries, he’ll put the otter in your bathtub for now, but he’ll commission someone to dig up a pool for them to float around! it’ll be fineeee!

tighnari sits you down and lectures you about the responsibilities of a pet owner for two straight hours to make sure you truly understand what you’re asking of him first. adopting a pet is a huge step in your life and he wants to make sure you fully understand what you’re getting into.

plus, you might want to take into consideration that your fox hybrid lover inherits that territorial behavior from his ancestors…?

kaveh jumps at the opportunity. to him, that’s like you’re giving him the green light on bringing animals home. a mistake on your part, honestly.

it’s day three and you’re now housing: an unexpectedly tame dendro slime with a withered flower on its head, two very weakened and starving desert foxes, one forest fox with one eye, and a little bird with a broken wing.

good luck.

pantalone merely chuckles yet the very next day you find the most elegant, purebred siberian forest cat delivered straight to your lavish shared abode’s doorstep. she’s groomed to perfection, well-trained, and a joy to be around.

the most beautiful cat for the most breathtaking person in his life - he thinks it’s very fitting.

cyno unexpectedly brings back a rabbit; a snow-white furred darling with ruby-red eyes that fits on top of your palm. such an innocent-looking, wee little being has become a lethal weapon in cyno’s hand. whenever you deny him of something, you will now see two pairs of eerily similar-colored eyes looking up at you with wet bunny eyes.

darn it.

like father like son, you suppose.

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elvish-root · 9 months

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Cole is superb. Just a weird little guy but actually completely understandable at the same time. Let me have dialogue options that aren’t “you’re crazy” please and thank you

#bruh I hate how the autistic coded characters #cough sera and Cole cough #are only able to be called crazy (affectionate) at best like #no honey I understand you #I relate to sera and Cole more than the other characters lmao #and you’re telling me the only thing I can say to them is ‘you’re weird and no one likes you’????#dragon age #dragon age inquisition

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nkim-illustrates · 1 year

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More Maiden and the Rabbit!

#honey milk tea fox series #she can turn herself into a tiger #in case you were wondering

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marzipanilla · 24 days

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lol I did it first

#invincible spoilers #invincible #i understand production times and the script would have been written and everything recorded ages ago guys #but still makes me laugh a bit #glad they gave her more to do in the levy confrontation #not sure how I feel about 'she totes evil in all other dimensions too' but I mean #whatever I doubt we're going to get any follow up on that from her end #tho alt marks running into her and still being mamas boys w her around would be hilarious #like oh want me to kill this guy for you mom? : ) oh haha honey no lets go uh... keep them alive so they can suffer instead?#Debbie Grayson #Angstrom Levy

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styona · 3 months

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I may be wrong, but to me it looks like Tob did the most massive eye roll ever known to mankind, he's like 'dude I cannot do this, say something, please, I'm tireddd'. And then Martin straight up refuses to answer the question and elaborate in any shape or form😂 He did not give two fucks, but didn't forget to keep it polite at the same time, 'thanks for your concern tho'😅 (if I got it right) He's like I know you don't give a damn, but thanks for the effort. What a man

#ghost band #the band ghost #ghost #ghost the band #terzo #terzo my beloved #papa iii #papa emeritus iii #nameless ghouls #nameless ghoul omega #tobias forge #martin persner #I may be overanalyzing it #but it looks like they're desperately trying to hold on to the last straw not to snap #the attitude and sass we'll never get to see ever again #mind you they're wearing the damn MASKS and even THROUGH THEM you can sense the sheer irritation #Martin's just like fine honey look I'll answer YOUR questions on MY terms

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foreverandeveralone863 · 5 months

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“Johnny helps Kenshi eat” yeah his ass

#kenshi takahashi #mk1 #mortal kombat #johnshi #johnny cage #johnny cage x kenshi takahashi #kenshi x johnny #kencage #THESE FUCKING TIKTOK HCS #I WANNA RIP ALL MY HAIR OUT #DO THEY NOT UNDERSTAND THE CHARACTERS AT ALL #Kenshi would be so pissed #but most importantly #Johnny would NEVER #if anything he’d ask Kenshi to help him eat #telekinetically #hey honey can you telekinesis the food it my mouth #i’m too lazy to use a spoon

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zer0-thehero · 9 months

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Which ship do you guys prefer and why?

Comment down below! :)

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