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five-rivers · 3 years

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Danger First

Chapter 2

Heya @pocketramblr. I have no self-control.

Izuku expected his anxiety to subside, one way or another, once the exam was over.

As always, the universe set out to prove him wrong.

Home was more or less okay. But, for some reason, minor household repair issues started to bother him so much he spent the rest of weekend working on them

Then there was school, which was even more hellish than usual, despite being exactly the same as it had been since the sludge incident. Izuku was way too aware of how much of a threat everyone there was to him, specifically. Especially the teachers.

His hypervigilante state did keep him from getting poked (smacked) quite so much by the teachers, or cornered by 'fellow' students quite as much as usual, but it also led him to hide in the library storage room. He'd never be able to look at the librarian the same way again. Not knowing she kept multiple copies of books by anti-quirkless hate groups on hand.

And all through the week, he got nothing but silence from All Might.

But the end of the week came, and with it a letter from UA, which told him-

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, FIRST PLACE?"

"I don't know, Nana, Banjo makes a good point."

"Don't take his side just because he was your predecessor. You all know a One for All holder would never resort to such devious- Yoichi, why are you making that face?"

"In an unjust world, bribery can be a tool for justice. I'm sure Eighth didn't have to, though."

"That's it, I'm not talking to any of you anymore."

"Anyway," said All Might, wiping blood from his mouth and glancing nervously at the other beachgoers. "Congratulations, young Midoriya."

Izuku felt his lip wobble. "You're not mad that I couldn't use One for All?"

"Not at all! Actually, in some ways this might be better. We'll have some time to experiment privately. And if you're in school when it finally turns on... well, we'll just say you're a late bloomer, alright?"

"Okay," sniffed Izuku, rubbing his eyes. "I just... I couldn't use it. What if-"

"Hey, hey, it's alright, my boy. No need to cry. You passed the entrance exam without using a quirk at all! You should be proud. Even with a quirk, it's an incredible accomplishment. Also, just so you know, I had nothing to do with the selection process. Just in case you were worried about favoritism."

Izuku sniffed and nodded.

"What a strangely specific denial."

"Uh, Banjo, usually I'd be reveling in the chaos, but I think Nana is seriously considering ghost murder right now. Maybe you shouldn't insult her kid anymore?"

"You and Hikage would protect me, right?"

"Don't take this the wrong way, but I'd sell you to Satan for one corn chip."

"So would I; it's been way too long since I've eaten. As long as it is Satan and not All for One, you've got my blessing."

"You certainly proved this old man wrong."

"You aren't old," protested Izuku.

"We'll have to agree to disagree on that," said All Might. "Here, sit down with me," he said, settling on the sand.

Izuku hurried to follow suit, and for a while, they both just watched the ocean. It was nice, today.

"I owe you an apology, young Midoriya."

"H-huh?"

"For what I said on that roof," said All Might, "and for what I... implied later."

"You already apologized for the roof, though?" said Izuku, confused. "I mean, that day..."

"That's what I'm talking about," said All Might. "I shouldn't have- The way I apologized, when I offered you One for All... It was like saying that you couldn't do it without a quirk, that you needed a quirk to 'fix' yourself and... well, obviously I was wrong. Quirk or not, you're going to be an amazing hero."

"Oh," said Banjo, "I can already tell this is going to be a problem once he finds out about Danger Sense. Gonna blow a hole right through his confidence."

"Maybe he won't find out?" suggested Nana, who'd wrestled her murderous impulses into submission. Temporarily. "Danger Sense is pretty low key."

"I feel like I should be offended..." said Hikage. "But if I got offended, that would be offensive to people who don't have quirks..."

"I don't know," said En. "If someone insulted your legs by saying they were so skinny it was like they weren't even there, would you being offended be offensive to people who don't have legs? Or would the original statement be the offensive one?"

"Somehow, I feel more offended after that."

"Oh," said Izuku. He felt himself crying again. "Are you, um. You're not going to- Are you- Do you want it back?" he whispered. "One for All?"

"No, no, of course not. You... There's no one I'd rather have it. I'm just... even if you didn't, you could be a hero. But I'm hoping... I'm hoping you'll keep it."

Izuku swallowed and nodded. All Might awkwardly raised his arm.

"Do you mind if I...?"

"Sure?" said Izuku, not entirely sure what he was asking.

All Might put his arm around Izuku and gave him a sort of sideways hug. Izuku leaned into it. It was the safest he'd felt since the entrance exam.

Because, surprise, surprise, that anxiety hadn't gone away.

"What did you say?"

"Oh! Uh... it isn't important, it's nothing."

"It didn't sound like nothing," said All Might, concerned.

"I, well, I, ever since the entrance exam... maybe even a little bit before? I've been really... jumpy? About everything. I think it's just because I'm a wreck, but..."

"Huh. Well, you know, that could be a facet of One for All."

"R-really?"

"After I got One for All, it seemed like it was easier for me to tell when people were in danger and needed help," said All Might. "S- A friend who knew about One for All used to joke it was my original quirk. But it was subtle and intermittent, not constant."

"Huh," said Izuku. "So... it might have been One for All all along? Trying to get me to help people?" He picked at his lower lip. "Maybe... I noticed a bunch of stuff I usually don't... I'm not sure I would have seen all the people in trouble during the exam."

"So much for not noticing-"

"His confidence... let him have it for at least a little while..."

"He seems to be taking it alright," said Yoichi, hopefully.

"I'm sure you would have helped them if you did notice, regardless," said All Might, "and that's what was really being measured, so my earlier point still stands."

Izuku nodded. "It would be really strange for a quirk to have two completely different applications like that."

"Yes, but One for All is a rather strange quirk, and I've seen odder split quirks." He fell silent for a moment. "I can't think of a way to test for it, though. Speaking of which, we should find some time to try and work on One for All before the school year starts. How do you feel about coming to UA after school?"

"Th-thank you for helping us with this, Recovery Girl!"

"It's no trouble, dear," said Recovery Girl. "I'd be here at this time, anyway. You wouldn't believe the amount of paperwork I have to go through. Just try not to break too many bones."

Izuku nodded vigorously, still somewhat in awe of being in the presence of not one but two incredible pro heroes. And at UA.

It was like living in a dream.

Except for the highly suspicious mostly-hidden wall panels and the very intense feeling of being watched through camera by an incredibly threatening being. It was fine.

"Alright, young Midoriya! Are you ready?"

"Y-yeah!"

"Then come at me, you zygote!"

Nana stared at her (former) student in despair. "Toshi... why... out of all the people..."

"So, you admit he can make bad decisions-"

"Bad and immoral are two different things."

"I think calling people zygotes is pretty immoral, actually..."

Silently, Nana agreed.

Izuku blinked at All Might- not because of the zygote thing!

... Okay, partially because of the zygote thing.

But mostly because he was still in his skinny, prone-to-coughing-up-blood form.

"Are you sure?" Izuku asked. "What if I..." he trailed off, blushing. What he was about to say sounded so stupid, and more than a little conceited, but...

"Hey, even like this, I'm much tougher than I look, young Midori- Ahem, I mean, zygote!"

"Toshinori, don't you think role-playing as Gran Torino is a little much?" asked Recovery Girl.

"Ah, do you think so?"

Recovery Girl shot All Might a truly terrifying look, but Izuku's mind was on something completely different.

"Is- is Toshinori your name?" he asked, awed.

Blood drained out of All Might's face, making him look more skeletal than usual. Should Izuku not have asked? Was it supposed to be secret? Oh no...

"Please tell me you haven't been training this boy for most of a year without him even knowing your name."

"Oops?" said All Might, faintly.

"He did do that, didn't he?" asked Yoichi, his eyebrows almost touching his hairline. "Nana, your boy is a disaster."

"All of us were disasters. We're still disasters."

"I'm not."

"Hikage, you spent most of your adult life living in the woods, completely isolated from humanity."

"I know, it was great."

"Unbelievable."

"Back to what we were talking about before," said Mr. Yagi (Mr. Yagi! Izuku knew All Might's name! And had permission to use it!) after Recovery Girl was done scolding him. "Focus on actually hitting me before worrying about accidentally hurting me. Today, I just want to get a baseline. Next time, we can work on basic punches and throws."

"So, do I just-?"

"Yep, just come right at me!"

The next hour consisted mainly of Izuku being thrown bodily into various padded surfaces. Despits this, according to Mr. Yagi, he was much better at dodging than expected. As a bonus, although he certainly felt sore and bruised, he didn't break any bones.

He also didn't manage to activate One for All. Not even a little bit.

Nor did he on any of the other days leading up to his first day as a student at UA.

Aizawa Shouta, down two nights of sleep and dreading the new batch of bright eyed hero hopefuls he'd be teaching- and crushing the dreams of- next week, glared blearily at a computer screen. Currently, it displayed a student's name, a quirk name, and the single least helpful quirk description he'd ever seen. Which was saying something, because he'd seen Hizashi's original quirk description.

Midoriya Izuku

Quirk: undetermined

Description: None.

I am either too tired or too sober to deal with this, decided Shouta. However, sleep simply wasn't on the table, and getting drunk was illogical. In that case, simply not dealing with it was the only option.

Nevertheless, he picked up his phone and called Nezu.

"Good evening, Aizawa!" said the internally chipper maybe-rodent. "Or should I say good morning?"

"Midoriya Izuku."

"Ah, you're browsing your class list, I see. Any thoughts about their potential?"

"Illogical." It would be, to make a call about a student's potential without meeting them first.

"Quite so!"

"Midoriya. Quirk," grunted Shouta, reminding him why he was calling.

"Ah, yes, he is a strange case. He's listed as quirkless in the registry."

That woke Shouta up, just a little. He'd seen a handful of documents for the quirkless over the years. If Midoriya was quirkless, his file should read N/A, not undetermined.

"What?"

"I have reason to believe that he might have been diagnosed in error," said Nezu. "I am still investigating. In the meantime, I would appreciate it if you kept an eye on him. Assuming, of course, that he isn't expelled!"

Shouta grunted and hung up. He minimized the window on his computer and pawed through his files until he found the entrance exam video for Midoriya.

A kid who passed the UA hero course practical entrance exam either entirely quirkless or with a subtle, stubborn, or invisible quirk on rescue points alone. A kid who seemed to run straight for danger on purpose (mostly on purpose, Shouta amended after seeing him collide with the invisible girl, coincidentally pushing her out of the way of some sort of water pressure quirk. There was just no way he could have known she was there). A kid who had almost certainly faced brutal quirk harassment since the time he was four and most likely possessed the self-confidence and trauma to match.

"Least he's good at dodging..." muttered Shouta. He rubbed at one grainy-feeling eye and pulled his sleeping bag closer around his shoulders. Kid wasn't all that bad at falling, either. Some light martial arts instruction, maybe?

He paused the video and reopened Midoriya's file, flipping to school and admission records and exam results. He usually didn't look closely at this part of the file, it was enough for him that the students passed, but, exceptions...

Speaking of exceptions, Midoriya's file was a mass of contradictions. Unusually high written test score that didn't correspond with middle school grades. Dozens of citations and black marks on his disciplinary record that should have kept him from even being invited to take the exam, but a letter of recommendation from All Might.

He frowned at the last one. There was no way...

He shook his head, and clicked on the link at the bottom of the file. It brought him to a herotube video about a year old. A hostage situation with a vaguely familiar middle schooler and slime-like villain. Also, a bunch of heroes, but none of them seemed to be addressing the suffocating child. Shouta felt his lips curl. Even if this was in the past...

Then Midoriya Izuku ran into the frame and tried to pull the other boy free, just seconds before All Might arrived and punched the villain so hard it started to rain. Then the video ended.

Alright, then.

Shouta's admittedly currently-less-than-razor-sharp mind presented him with two possibilities. One, Midoriya was All Might's secret child and All Might had bribed Nezu into letting him take the exams despite his less-than-stellar records. Two, this child had, with bloody fingernails, managed to claw a single spark of luck out of an otherwise bleak existence by impressing All Might enough that he got Nezu to ignore the otherwise damning records.

If the first, well, he had still passed the practical without use of any obvious quirk. He probably had some potential.

If the second... Shouta had been a hero long enough to recognize the circumstances that drove people to desperate, and sometimes unforgivable, acts. Dangling a single hope in front of someone only to snatch it away at the last minute...

Forget the maybe-quirk. This was the real conundrum of Midoriya Izuku.

The rat knew he wouldn't expel Midoriya with these stakes. It would be the height of irrationality.

(Even if he did turn out to be All Might's kid.)

What a pain.

He flipped through a few more profiles, quickly reviewing 1-B as well, before hitting redial on his phone.

"Calling again so soon?" asked Nezu with a squeaky chuckle.

"I want Monoma." He paused. "In my class," he elaborated.

"Oh? Whatever for?"

"If I'm going to have to figure out Midoriya's mystery quirk, I want to make it as easy for myself as possible."

There was silence on the other end of the like, and Shouta checked to see whether or not he'd hung up accidentally. He hadn't.

"I must say," said Nezu, finally, "I had not considered that solution. Depending on the mechanics of Monoma's quirk... I cannot think of any reason to deny your request."

That was a strange way of phrasing it.

"We'll exchange him with Bakugo, in that case."

"Not that I'm complaining," said Shouta, "but why him? Why not..." He racked his memory. "Mineta. He's got one of those body part quirks Kan likes."

Nezu chuckled again. "Normally, I would pick Mineta, but, by my calculations, a classroom that contained both Monoma and Bakugo would be demolished within thirty minutes of their arrival."

Shouta groaned. Why did they even let people like that in?

No, wait, he had an answer to that, actually.

"Forget a mouse, a dog, or a bear," said Shouta. "You're a sadist."

"Some certainly think so! But one thing's for sure! I'm the principal!"

The door to class 1-A sure was big... and intimidating... and radiating a faint sense of malaise. But, then, Izuku's middle school classroom had done far worse, so...

He opened the door. No Kacchan. Thank goodness. He must be in the class B, then, because there was no way he'd let Izuku beat him to school.

The strict boy from the entrance exam was there, though, and, oh, dear, he'd noticed Izuku and was coming right for him.

(Oh, gosh, and the invisible girl was here, too. He felt himself blushing furiously.)

Still better than Kacchan.

"Hello!" he said, rather loudly. "I'm from Somei Private Academy! My name is Iida Tenya!"

"Oh, uh, I- I'm from Aldera Middle School..." said Izuku. Was stating the name of your middle school a normal thing? He hadn't read about this in any manga... "I'm Midoriya Izuku."

"Pleased to meet you!" He moved his arm in a rather robotic fashion, taking a deep breath.

Oh, no, was he about to yell at Izuku again?

"Danger Sense isn't even going off right now, Izuku," said Yoichi, despairingly. "Why are you still so nervous?"

"Maybe we never really gave him Danger Sense after all, and it was his natural anxiety the whole time."

"Please stop denigrating my quirk."

"Midoriya... you... you perceived the true nature of the practical exam. Meanwhile, I was blind! I misjudged you! I hate to admit it, but you were the superior candidate."

Oh, that was nice, but... "I didn't perceive anything, though. I had no idea rescue points were a thing. I was mostly just trying not to die."

"Ah! That curly hair! It's Midoriya!"

"Oh! Um, Uraraka?" Please, please, let him have remembered her name right.

"Yeah!" said Uraraka, smiling brightly.

Augh! Too cute!

"I'm so glad you're in my class! I was so worried I wouldn't know anyone here."

"Y-yeah. T-this is Iida, by the way," said Izuku, trying to get attention off of himself.

"Nice to meet you, Iida."

"It's nice to meet you as well, Uraraka!"

"Yeah! So, we've got the entrance ceremony and guidance sessions today, right? I wonder who our teacher will be- They're all supposed to be pro heroes, right?"

"Um," started Izuku, "that-"

"If you're here to socialize, then get out."

"That's a teacher, huh," said Yoichi.

"Why are you saying that like you've never seen one before?" asked Banjo.

"I've seen teachers before," said Yoichi. "I've seen all of your teachers. The ones you've had while you had One for All."

"Okay, now you're saying that like you've never had teachers."

"Yeah, that is kind of strange, Yoichi," said Nana.

"I had professors," said Yoichi.

"Still weird."

"I went to college. And med school."

"Did you graduate?" asked En, interested.

"No."

"Why not?"

"My brother kidnapped me, kept me in a vault for a while, and then I died."

"I didn't know what I expected," said En, shaking his head.

"Wait, weren't there several years between the vault and the whole dying thing."

"Yeah, but I'm ignoring them."

"Because?" Banjo hooked his thumb over his shoulder at Second and Third.

"Yep," said Yoichi.

"Todoroki. You were the highest scorer on the Recommendation Exam. See how far you can throw this ball with your quirk. Stay in the circle. Anything else goes."

A boy with white and red hair stepped forward, scowling faintly. He took the ball and stared at it.

"Time is valuable, Todoroki."

And then there was a glacier.

Izuku felt his jaw drop. How was he supposed to compete with that?

"My name is Monoma," said a blonde boy, offering his hand.

Izuku stared at it a moment before remembering handshakes were a thing.

"Midoriya," he said.

Monoma then offered his hand to Uraraka and Iida as well. "I look forward to experiencing UA's superior brand of education with you," he said.

Izuku laughed nervously. "You're confident," he said, glancing at the track where two others students were doing sprints. It would be their turn soon.

"But of course!" Monoma struck a sort of pose, fingers splayed out on his chest. "I welcome this sort of challenge, this opportunity to prove myself! It just goes to show, UA only accepts the best of the best!"

Monoma was called away to the starting line a moment later. "Two good, one dud," he mumbled under his breath.

What did that mean?

Then Monoma was at the starting line, and he was using Iida's quirk. Did he have a copy quirk? That was so cool!

... Is that what he meant by good and dud? Did he... did he see that Izuku didn't have a quirk? Oh, no... What if he told everyone? Even if people were being nice to him now...

"What's wrong?" asked Uraraka.

"U-um," said Izuku. "Nothing?"

"Oh, gosh," said Yoichi, crying. "I just want to wrap him up in a warm blanket. You deserve friends."

"Yeah, kid, it'll be okay," said Banjo. "Bakugo's just a freak. And so was your whole school. Place gave me MLA flashbacks."

"Sure glad they aren't around anymore," agreed En.

All in all... Izuku didn't do terribly. Especially given that he didn't actually have a quirk, and this was a quirk assessment. At least, he didn't think he did. At least, he hadn't tripped or hurt himself.

It had, in fact, been a rather good day. No Kacchan. No bullies. The teacher had clear standards and requirements, and he stated them up front.

He had been getting... bad vibes... from the short, purple-haired kid, and he'd noticed other people frowning at him, especially the girls. But he hadn't been able to put his finger on why, even though he had been watching him carefully during his turns.

Other than that...

UA really was the best.

"By the way, no one's getting expelled. It was a logical ruse."

Monoma raised his hand.

"What is it?"

"I must object!" said Monoma.

"You... want someone to be expelled?"

"In fact, I insist! To allow this to continue would blemish the reputation of the school."

"Well said, Monoma!" exclaimed Iida. "Living up to the reputation of UA and all the alumni who have come before us is a duty of us students! But what blemish are you talking about? Surely, as Mr. Aizawa said, we all went plus ultra!"

"Maybe so, but my concern has more to do with moral standards!"

"If you kids keep going like this, I'm just going to go to sleep. You're giving me a headache."

Izuku caught movement out of the corner of his eye, and a wave of unease went through him. He turned to see-

"Hey! What are you doing?" he demanded, shocked and more than a little horrified.

Once again, he was mortally embarrassed on behalf of the invisible girl.

"I wasn't doing anything!" said the small purple boy.

"You were looking up her skirt!"

"It isn't like there's anything to see!"

The invisible girl gasped and quickly moved away. "Gross!" she said. "That's terrible!"

"See? See?" said Monoma, wildly. "This is what I'm talking about!"

"Next time," said Aizawa, "get to the point faster. Time is valuable. Mineta."

"What?"

"You're expelled."

"What? You can't do that!"

"Go complain to Nezu."

UA really was the best.

"Midoriya."

Okay, never mind. He was doomed. Completely doomed.

"Monoma. I want to talk to you after class. The rest of you are dismissed."

Midoriya stood nervously as Uraraka and Iida bid him goodbye. Was this it? Was Aizawa going to expel him after all? At least it wasn't in front of absolutely everyone... But what was Monoma doing here?

Speaking of which, Monoma looked nervous, too... Was he okay? Surely, Aizawa wasn't going to expel him, too.

"Is this about me using other people's quirks?" demanded Monoma. "Because you said anything goes! I wasn't cheating. You can't expel me!"

Oh. There was some trauma there. Izuku could tell. Did people make fun of him for his quirk?

"I'm not going to expel you," said Aizawa, looking up at them from where he laid in his sleeping bag in the grass. He almost looked like he was praying for patience. "I need to ask you some questions about your quirk. For future reference and to better serve your needs as a student. I know how tricky meta quirks can be."

"Oh," said Monoma, slightly deflating. Then he sent a curious glance at Midoriya. "Is he-?"

"His matter is slightly more sensitive. If you would like me to send him away while we talk, I can do that."

"No, no, it's fine." Monoma sniffed, his eyes suspiciously wet. "What's the question?"

"You copy quirks through DNA contact. Do you decide when to activate passive quirks you copy, or can you choose?"

"I can choose, as long as it's within my time limit."

"When you first make contact, can you tell what quirk a person has?"

Monoma shook his head. "No, sir, I have to activate it to do that, so I can get duds- oh, that is to say, quirks I can't use because I don't have the proper activation conditions, like Midoriya's. He's got some kind of stockpile. I can get duds without realizing it. But I can tell whether or not someone has a quirk."

"Were you able to test all your classmates' quirks today?"

"Not everyone, yet," said Monoma. "I usually try to avoid more extreme mutation quirks outside of controlled conditions."

Aizawa's head bobbed up and down minutely. "Great. That should be enough for now. You're dismissed."

"Yes, sir! I look forward to seeing your superior lesson plans tomorrow!" He paused. "Midoriya."

"H-have a good day, Monoma."

Monoma had felt One for All! What a relief. Izuku had been half worried he'd lost it somehow.

But why did Aizawa want him?

"Um, sir?" he asked. Sort of asked. 'Sir' alone wasn't a question, even if it was said in an inquisitive tone.

Aizawa's eyes turned red, and his hair started floating. Izuku felt... Huh. Calmer, somehow? He was no longer vaguely aware of how the light post over there could fall on him, or any of the other many minor dangers surround him and oh, gosh, he was no longer aware of the dangers! How was he supposed to stay safe like this, when he felt like he'd been blindfolded?

Aizawa blinked. Everything came back.

"Wow," said Izuku. "That was so cool! Was that your quirk? Is it an emotional quirk? It made me feel calmer at first, but then I was, I don't know, too calm, and it made me anxious, but then-"

"Problem child," said Aizawa, and Izuku froze at the reprimand. "What I just did was erase your quirk."

Erase?

His quirk?

"Oh my gosh! You're Eraserhead! I'm a huge fan!"

Aizawa closed his eyes. Was he counting? No? Did he fall asleep?

"You do know you're listed as quirkless, right?"

"Yes?"

"But you just had a reaction to my quirk that a quirkless person definitely should not have."

"O-oh?"

"Combined with Monoma's ability to sense your quirk, I'd say you are not, in fact, quirkless."

"But I have the toe joint?" Izuku wasn't sure why he'd said that. He shouldn't be arguing against this, because, as Aizawa had said, he did have a quirk. It just wasn't exactly his.

"Yeah, that's an old wives' tale."

"Really?"

"As real as my quirk counselor license. Whoever diagnosed you was a quack."

"O-oh."

"My initial impression from your entrance exam video is that you might have a sensory quirk of some kind. On the other hand, we should take Monoma's assessment into account, and consider stockpiles. Either way, I would like to schedule some time to test things out with you."

"You- You'd do that? For me? I mean, I don't want to be a bother-"

"This is literally my job."

"It... yeah, I guess so." His previous teachers would have considered it a bother. Except Mr. Yagi, but Mr. Yagi wasn't really a teacher. He was more of a... a mentor.

(Or a dad.)

(Oh, no, he did not just think that. Bad. Bad brain. Bad brain that read too much All Might RPF as a pre-teen.)

"Besides, even if your quirk doesn't have many applications in hero work, it will be useful for you to know what it is and how it affects you." Aizawa yawned. "Also, don't tell your class that I'm Eraserhead."

"O-okay," said Izuku. "Of course, sir, but... why?"

"I have two full time jobs. I get my entertainment where I can. You can go now. We'll schedule tomorrow."

Izuku nodded, and Aizawa just... zipped his sleeping bag the rest of the way closed and rolled over.

Was... was he just going to go to sleep here? In the middle of the field.

"Um? Mr. Aizawa?"

A grunt came from the sleeping bag.

"This is... isn't this kind of a dangerous place to sleep?"

"Go home, problem child."

"... okay."

#bnha #boku no hero academia #fic #fanfic #danger first au #danger first

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creativejourneysbct · 3 years

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Studio 1 Week 2/3 First Project: Hacking a Board Game - SLAP ATTACK

At the end of our week 2 studio session, we were assigned the task of "hacking" a board game, using some of the skills we had learned that day, to make it more interactive.

First, my group and I considered different board games that we would use as a template to start with. We settled on using an alphabet bingo board. It appeared simple enough; a circular board with a pointer that could be spun to randomly select a part of the board.

We then started brainstorming possible ways in which we could alter the game to make it more interactive. We agreed that it would be beneficial to create our own interface to replace the alphabet bingo one, as this would allow us more freedom to create our own rules and ultimately come up with our own game. So, we started sketching ideas on what our new board interface would look like.

This involved us thinking critically about the overall gameplay and having to come up with some sort of a finalized idea of what the end product would be.

After several iterations, we landed on a plan to create a game where the spinner is spun by a player then, depending on where it landed, all the players would have to do an action IF the lights on the board are turned on. This way the lights are adding an extra element of surprise, as not only is it impossible to predict what part of the board the spinner will land on (and therefore what action the player may have to do), but also whether or not that action would even have to be carried out at all, depending on the light's status.

It then came time to think about what skills from the day we would use to achieve our new gameplay and therefore make the game more interactive.

It was clear that papertronics would be necessary to create the circuit beneath the board that would allow for the lights to turn on when the spinner touches certain areas of the board.

So, we got to work using the copper tape to create a small test circuit as a proof of concept before moving onto anything larger. Since the goal was to have a few lights around the board light up when powered by a single battery, we tested this out by making a smaller, simpler version of the final product, using copper tape, two LEDs, and a battery to make the circuit pictured below.

As can be seen, one of the LEDs didn't seem to work. But, after some more testing, we discovered that the LED was just faulty, and it did work when being pressed. Thus, the concept of a single battery powering more than one LED had been "proven"!

We then took it a step further by making a circuit using the copper tape that went from one side of a sheet of paper (emulating the board) that housed the battery, to the other side of the piece of paper, where the spinner was. We stuck copper tape to the underside of the spinner. This allowed it to effectively close the circuit when passing along the copper tape area on the board, and therefore light up the LEDs.

While the pointer still had to be pressed down for the circuit to be complete and light up the LEDs, it was still enough to prove that the circuit could go from one side of the surface to the other, which is exactly what we needed for the final product.

We then got to work on our first iteration of the board's surface.

Since we didn't have a compass or any other tools that could be used to make a perfect circle, I used a technique I knew from high school art to draw a large circle that was relatively the same size as the original Alphabet Bingo circle to go on top of it.

We cut out the white circle, stuck four colored sheets of paper over it in the alignment we wanted for the board game design, and used it to cut a perfect (ish) circle around the four colored sheets of paper.

We now had a rough prototype of the game we wanted to create. Since the main circuitry hadn't been created yet, we used some random objects to simulate the areas of the board that would activate the LEDs should the spinner land there. We then playtested the game, to see whether or not it was even enjoyable. We wound up quite enjoying the competitive nature of having to react fastest or else face elimination. It was a simple concept, but one that we believed would work and prove engaging for players.

Next, we started implementing the full-sized circuit. We initially attempted to only use one battery for all four LEDs but this proved to be too complex, so we started over and made a new circuit that used two batteries with each battery responsible for only 2 LEDs.

From the top side, we can see that the spinner still had to be pushed down to activate the LED. This was quite a substantial concern for the project, as the desired effect was supposed to be effortlessly spinning the spinner and having it light up the LED automatically.

Determined to persevere anyway, Matt and I split up from the group to work on designing a proper layout for our board game. As photoshop wasn't working on either of our laptops, we used a word processor to create a simple but aesthetically pleasing board that we then printed out in a3. We wanted to make sure the font used was legible and that the board wasn't too cluttered. One of the main design principles we tried to focus on was maximizing the intuitiveness of the game so that anyone could have an idea of how to play it with little to no instruction. We also added simple hand gesture illustrations as iconography next to the corresponding action word to further guide the user's understanding.

With the new board face printed out, we used it when coming up with ways of solving the issue of the light not automatically lighting up.

We went through a range of different methods, such as using a motor and a wheel to reduce the friction and provide a better spin.

We finally settled on simplifying the design so that we would only use one LED situated on the top of the spinner. This worked on occasion but still wasn't lighting up consistently enough.

With the circuitry proving to be much more problematic than expected, another member of the group and I got to work on creating a clear set of rules for the game, which was still a very important part of the game design. At the end of the day, we still wanted to have a finished game that our classmates could play, even if our light-up spinner wasn't operational. This also involved us coming up with a name for the game. Out of thin air, I pulled out the words "SLAP ATTACK" and since no one else had anything better, this was the name that stuck. In fairness though, the name grew on us and accurately reflected the fast-paced nature of the gameplay.

I enjoyed the design aspect of creating the rules quite a bit. We tried to keep it in theme with the board, using the same colors, icons, and fonts to maintain a cohesive aesthetic and design language.

As the circuitry didn't look like it would be operational in time for the showcase, we decide to create a "concept" edition that would act as a model of what we had intended for the board game. It was to be our clean, "best-case scenario" version.

We printed out another copy of the board game design and glued it to some wood to create a firm, stable base. We then drilled a hole through it to make room for the spinner.

Fortunately, this allowed enough room for the rules to go on the side, so we glued them down next to the main circle. I will say, design-wise, I was very pleased with the result we got. The overall look of the board and rules matched in a nice, simple colorful manner and looked very clean.

While we could still get the lights to turn on on the other board, it still required us to press down on the spinner, which defeated the purpose of the game. Or it would light up, but not always, and for the game to work as intended it would need to light up every time it went over a copper tape part of the board.

It was difficult to accept but we were unable to achieve the concept we had envisioned. As it turns out, using a spinner was not as simple as we thought it would be. When seeking help we were advised to use a "slip ring". At the time it was too late in the game to change direction, but next time that's definitely something we can look into.

Finally, for the showcase, we added some blue, green, red, and yellow chips (the same color scheme as the board game itself) to the mix to act as physical representations of the lives of players. Even if it wasn't related to circuitry or the makey makey, the tactile chips added weight to the concept of losing a life every time a player had to give one away after losing a round.

Overall, even though we couldn't implement the interactive elements we wanted to, the classmates who tried our game seemed to really enjoy the fast-paced, competitive nature of the game as our table was almost always occupied with players. So, if nothing else, we were still able to develop a concept that was engaging for players, so I'm happy about that. Plus, our circuit still technically worked, it just needed to be pressed down which didn't work as intended for the board game.

(PS - I wanted to add more photos towards the end but hit the Tumblr photos limit so this should hopefully suffice. Just another thing to keep in mind when making these posts going forward.)

Update - After writing this long, almost step-by-step recount of the creation process, I have been introduced to the "Gibbs Reflective Cycle" in our Intro to Creative Technologies Lecture so I think I'd be remiss to not include it at the end of this.

While I could technically go back and reduce everything I've written to a paragraph long "description of what happened, I have chosen to keep it for 2 reasons; the first is that it took me a great deal of time and effort to make so I simply don't want to delete it all. But secondly and most importantly, even if it's not the best, most effective reflective blog post, I see these posts as a working, evolving skill that I want to be able to look back on and see how much I've changed and improved. So yes, I'm keeping it if only for the fact that It's a piece of history on how I reflected on my first creative project.

So, without further ado, here are my more structured, Gibbs Reflective Cycle paragraphs.

Reflecton

Description

This has been covered in depth in the prior paragraphs but we effectively were tasked with "hacking" a board game to make it more interactive using the skills we had learned in class. This resulted in two final board games being made by my group - one that used the circuitry to allow a spinner to make lights on the board turn on but wouldn't work consistently enough, and another cleaner version that functioned as a board game but didn't incorporate all the electrical elements.

Feeling

During the process of creating this board game, I felt a variety of emotions. When coming up with ideas for the game, I felt a sense of creative burnout. This is a feeling I'm relatively unfamiliar with. In most academic cases coming up with a solution involves further readings and eventually, the solution will become apparent. When coming up with an original boardgame idea, however, I was certainly put out of my comfort zone.

Another part that put me out of my comfort zone was working in the workshop, using the drills, saws, hot glue gun. All of these tools are relatively simple but given my highly limited experience working in this kind of environment, I quickly realized that I had a lot to learn.

All that said, however, I felt a sense of joy when even though we couldn't implement the desired electrical element when the board game concept that we had created actually turned out to be engaging.

I also felt positive about collaborating with my group and using our different skillsets to the advantage of the project. I like designing things on the computer, so I dealt more with the creating of the board and rule sheet designs.

Evaluation.

The positives of the project, as mentioned earlier were the overall coming together and teamwork. The biggest positive would have to be the final game concept that we envisioned actually proving engaging to players.

The negatives, as mentioned, is the obvious one of our main electrical component not working as desired. But that's all a part of this early creative process. Learning to fail. And we definitely learned from it, so it was a valuable failure.

Analysis

I suppose the biggest lesson to learn from this is to identify the "marshmallow" at an early stage. As learned in the marshmallow challenge, it's essential to identify the unknown aspect of the project early on, as if left until later it can be too late and render the project incomplete. In this case, the spinner was the unknown and we left it until too late to ask for help Its simple appearance blinded us to the fact that we were unequipped with the knowledge to achieve our desired outcome with such a new concept. '

Conclusion

As mentioned, getting help for unknown elements in the early stages definitely would've helped improve our final result. We found out about the slip ring too late but had we gone down that route in the beginning it probably would've resulted in a working, functional boardgame.

Regardless, at the end of the day, we still enhanced our understanding of circuits, got creative with game dynamics and design, and created something that was enjoyed by our classmates. And, most importantly, learned how to improve on this next time.

Action Plan

Next time we'll be sure to identify the Marshmellow sooner and get the required support when there's still enough time to implement changes.

All in all, this was still a great introduction to the creative process. We learned a tonne and know how to improve so I'm excited to see what we do next time!

#ctec501

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cutiecrates · 3 years

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Cutie Reviews: Sakuraco July 21

It’s so hard to focus on work in Summer, between the heat and wanting to get out to enjoy myself (and focus on getting things back in shape around here, and appointments) I haven’t felt much motivation lately. I had planned on working on this during the weekend, but for some reason things were acting weird and I couldn’t.

After this review, I’ll be posting my GachaGacha July box, and the August Sakuraco. As long as things keep working right, it’ll hopefully be within the next few days.

“Naturally the cool climate of Japan’s most northern island, Hokkaido, makes it perfect for a summer getaway. Famed for its beautiful lavender fields and unforgettable cuisine - it’s a wonderland for summer discovery.“

For this month the booklet talks about Hokkaido and one of its food makers, Hokushin. Along with Kibi Dango, Yubari Melon, and Hokkaido’s beautiful lavender.

Peach Matcha Tea

Sorry, no pic for this one, but there are more below!

This tea is the perfect way to shoo out the summer fatigue, with a mix between the acidic and fruity peach and the smooth bitterness of matcha. It can be served hot or cold, and because I was feeling adventurous and usually don’t make iced tea (unless its lemon that is) I decided to try that. I’m very glad I did because it tasted wonderful :3 you get the exact lightness of peach with a hint of matcha in the background, and it was such a pretty light green color~

Rum Raisin & Melon Soft Sand

(Our kitchen accessory for this month is the plate you see the sweets on.)

The sable cookie beloved by sweets lovers who like raisins (like me, but not my mom :P), it’s very soft and chewy, with two types of raisins dipped in rum and then baked to a light gold.

You know, I’ve never tried anything rum raisin before, so this was a bit exciting. It’s very yummy and I liked it since it wasn’t overly filled with them. i like raisins but I’m not in love with them, and as a house with cats, we pretty much forbid raisins here. I tend to worry anytime we get some, or when the neighbor bakes raisin cookies.

- - - -

Our next item is the first example of the melon-themed goods in the box, composed of two thin monaka wafers with a fun, leafy design and text, and filled with a layer of melon cream. Since you can’t see it in the picture, the cream was light green colored, like a honeydew. It’s the only melon thing in the box this color, everything else was orange, so it was a little bit disorienting to see.

Soft sand it isn’t, it’s very crispy-crunchy, but the cream inside is soft and sweet. It tasted a lot like honeydew.

Grilled Corn Senbei & Butter Mochi Senbei

Senbei are crispy, light, airy rice snacks that come in a wide variety of flavors. If you’ve been on this blog before then you’ll recognize them right away. The smaller, yellower senbei is made from sweetcorn grown in Hokkaido and roasted with soy sauce x3 I love Japanese corn snacks, and their soy sauce, so this was the best of both worlds!

Both were produced by the same company, Iwatsuka Confectionary located in Niigata.

- - - - -

Our other senbei, the bigger, milky-looking one was made from powdered buttermilk, honey, regular milk, and kinako (a sweet roasted soybean powder) to create a sweet partner for the other one.

Okina Dorayaki & Hearty Age Mochi

We’ve all seen Dorayaki on this blog before, I honestly have nothing new or interesting to say about it. Our other snack is a bit more exciting though, fried little pieces of rice made from three types of natural salt and kelp. Their savory flavor will stand out against all the sweetness in the box.

I enjoyed the snack, but it has a sort-of grease flavor that I didn’t find as pleasant as eating it. It left a residue/texture in my mouth that I didn’t like.

Kibi Dango & Milk Mochi

Oh boy, here we go again with two matching snacks :D also produced by the same company, Tengudo takarabune in Hokkaido. Not only that, but now that I know the clear wrapping is an edible product known as oblaat, it’s a bit embarrassing not to have known that sooner. . .

Anyway, dango and mochi are a lot a like, if you didn’t know that already. Especially these types, which share about the same color, texture, etc. You can eat it whole or cut it into squares, both are guaranteed to a chewy delight~

The smaller of the two, the kibi dango was a bit on the generic sweet side, but I really like it. The larger, milk mochi on the other hand tastes very delicious, like a sweetened, creamy milk. It reminded me a lot of a cow tail, a chewy caramel candy with milk cream inside.

Yubari Melon Cream Sandwich Cookies & Milk Cheesecake

And we’re back to melon, this time it’s the delicious Yubari Melon. Which was born in Yubari, Hokkaido in 1957, when farmers cross-bred them trying to preserve their way of life. At their highest quality they are considered to be a very precious, luxurious gift representing a new start, such as marriage or moving into a new home. Some come out so well that they can even be auctioned and can be sold for a really high price!

This sandwich consists of two butter-scented galette cookies with a thick layer of melon cream on the inside, with a speckling of small melon pieces. The cookie was a bit on the harder side, but the cream was lightly sweet and very fluffy~

- - - - -

I was very excited about this next one for 2 reasons: cheesecake is my most favorite food, and because look at it, it’s a bready-cake with actual cheese looking pieces in it! I love cheese, and cake, so I figured either way it’d be a win-win!

A soft, spongy milk cake with little hunks of cheese mixed into the dough to create a balance of sweet richness. The cheese bits confused me a little initially, because they taste like actual cheese pieces, rather then a sweet creamy cheese like one might expect. It was very good though, I’d highly recommend it if you ever see it. I’d love for the box to include more bready/cake items like this x3

Yubari Melon Jelly & Melon Mochi

We’re down to our last 2 items of the box. First up is this fun-looking jelly made from Yubari Melon... which as sad as it makes me to say, I actually really didn’t like it. I love melon and all, but for some strange, bizarre reason it tasted like tomato. I have no idea why, but that’s immediately what my mind kept coming up with, and if you’re new to this blog, I don’t like tomatoes. Ketchup is fine, tomato-flavored vegetable chips are fine, but don’t ask me to eat an actual tomato (which is funny because my dad loves them). The texture reminded me so much of an actual tomato that I couldn’t even finish it.

- - - -

This particular mochi is made from a melon puree, with white chocolate cream inside.

Thankfully, this item fared much better. It was probably in my top 3 for favorites of the box for its amazing cantaloupe flavor that I look forward to eating every summer~

Opinions

Content - 5 out of 5. The only item I didn’t like was the jelly, but I feel like other people probably liked it, and it was still really fun to try. I even liked the tea, which is rare, and the little plate serving piece we got was cute too.

Theme: 5 out of 5. I’m not really sure how Hokkaido is in the summer, but this box definitely felt summery to me. It was very refreshing, the flavors really did a good job of picking me up whenever I was trying/finishing them.

Total Rank: 10 out of 10 Cuties. I liked this box a lot more then the previous box, I’m very excited for the August box, which oddly enough I got very early (about a week ago now I think). I looked through it but I’ve patiently been waiting to really explore it.

#cutie reviews #sakuraco

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theseventhhex · 6 years

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Editors Interview

Editors

Photo by Rahi Rezvani

British indie-rock 5-piece the Editors are back with album number six. ‘Violence’ was produced by Leo Abrahams, with additional production from Benjamin John Power (Blanck Mass, Fuck Buttons). The band’s latest captivating release marks an intriguing stylistic shift for the Editors, all the while offering a diverse range of striking compositions and an enthralling level of remarkable musical understanding. Equipped with powerful post-punk numbers, symphonic and haunting tracks and a beautiful piano ballad, ‘Violence’ is a bold, confident and absorbing album. Having established an ambition to consistently sell-out mainland Europe via playing arenas and headlining festivals across the continent, there is no doubt that the Editors latest work is destined for the biggest of stages this summer… We talk to Russell Leetch about having a free-form approach, performing live and Aston Villa...

TSH: Was it once again a case of having a free-flowing approach as you readied ‘Violence’?

Russ: Yeah, absolutely. It certainly flows whenever we work on new music. I’d say we definitely have our own pace, which can mean it takes a while for new music to come together at times. However, we always try to mix it up a little bit and offer some sort of variety. I guess it often depends on our moods. Nonetheless, we really did enjoy making this record and it was nice to go for a more in your face type of feel.

TSH: From an instrumentation standpoint you’re covering brutal electronic ideas alongside a band orientated feel. With Blanck Mass on board, was it key to get the right balance between the two?

Russ: Definitely. Obviously in working with Blanck Mass we had his production on board. He worked on almost all of the songs and did versions of the songs himself, which helped us to realise which brutal and electronic elements we wanted to use and incorporate. We didn’t want to have Tom’s vocals over too much programming because that would be a shock to the system for listeners, so the balance was definitely key. It’s also worth noting that we decided to pull the band back in and we each chipped in with various ideas to tie the album together.

TSH: Speaking of Blanck Mass, do you still listen to a lot his music, as well as the likes of Nils Frahm and Jon Hopkins?

Russ: Totally. Nils and Jon are both excellent. I also like older stuff like The Blue Nile too. But yeah, as a band, we really like what Blanck Mass does with his music. I’ve been a fan of Fuck Buttons for years and his ‘World Eater’ album from last year was truly incredible.

TSH: Whilst working on this record, the band was located in a farmland rehearsal room in Oxford for months, where you each tinkered away with the songs and various ideas. What was the level of focus like out there?

Russ: It was just nice to be away and to knuckle down to get the work done. It was a good 10 to 5 every day type of routine and we’d really work hard on the music. We’d basically go over these songs for a long time and see what would work out best. It was certainly a nice way of getting things done.

TSH: Have there been notable changes with your personal approach to this record?

Russ: Yeah, in addition to my work on bass, I was programming and putting drum machine ideas together. You know, there wasn’t anything that was off limits this time around. If someone wanted to create a lead part, it didn’t just have to be Justin or Eliott, it could be anyone, that’s how we did it this time. We each had the freedom to explore and hone in on our selected ideas.

TSH: The track entitled ‘Magazine’ touches on human connection and coming together as people. It’s also a song that is pretty much a pointed finger aimed at those in power...

Russ: Yeah, the intention was to go all out. It’s strange because we’ve been working on this track for quite a long time. It’s been around the bush for quite a while. Tom has a lot of ideas that are stored some place and sometimes they don’t work out, so they go back into the box and come back out later down the line, which was the case for ‘Magazine’. Also, given all the political and notable newsfeeds being broadcast daily in the U.K. these days, this song definitely felt apt and suitable.

TSH: What was it like to flesh out ‘Counting Spooks’?

Russ: It was a very organic process in bringing this song together. I actually wrote the riff for that song and a lot of the drum programming too. Since the song is sequenced late on and is kind of like an outro, we needed Leo’s help to make sense of it. I’m so glad with how it came out.

TSH: The ending of the record is slightly more dramatic and drawn out, it was important for you guys to show a different side of what you’re about with the last two songs..

Russ: Yeah, for the last two songs it was. They are pretty epic I guess and are placed at the end to achieve a certain effect, for sure. Again, the programming for both of the final tracks was quite key. In fact, the programming on ‘Belong’ was done by just the band whilst we were in Oxford. It was one of the only songs that Blanck Mass didn’t do anything with, it was solely us. All in all, I feel like we managed to get a good broad-stroke of all of the things that we were up to with this album.

TSH: With your live shows constantly evolving, is the idea of being present and switching things up very essential?

Russ: Yeah, certainly. We always aim to keep it fresh and engaging for ourselves and the audience. We use a lot more technology now, in addition to mixing the electronic parts with the guitars. We really are bringing our instruments right to the forefront in a way that we haven’t really done so before. Also, we spend a lot of time road testing too. We did 5 weeks of rehearsals for this tour beforehand, simply because we like to go onstage and feel like the songs have been planned out. It’s always better to establish the strengths of the new songs and to present them in the best way possible for our fans.

TSH: How do you like to spend time outside of music?

Russ: Outside of music, I like to surround myself with my loved ones. I especially like spending time with my girlfriend. We tend to go out for meals and catch up with friends and family over drinks, it’s a pretty normal life really. Also, each band member has a studio at home, so music is never that far away if we ever get the itch to start crafting new tunes.

TSH: You’re a proud Brummie too...

Russ: Yeah, I love being located in Birmingham. The city has changed a lot over the last 10 years or so. It feels quite vibey and there are so many interesting art, food and music scenes that are present to keep me occupied.

TSH: Moreover, being a big Aston Villa fan. How do you feel about the team’s promotion chances?

Russ: I’m hopeful, that’s for sure. I’m also a bit nervous going into the playoffs, but fingers crossed we’ll perhaps get that second place. Personally, I think it’s going to go down to the wire.

TSH: Like Tom, you’re also very much into your movies. Paddington 2 almost brought Tom to tears, have you seen it yet?

Russ: It’s funny you should mention Paddington 2 because I’m going to watch it tonight! Especially since Tom keeps going on about it, haha! I have actually seen a lot of the Oscar movies recently. I saw Ladybird, which I thought was excellent. Although, I wasn’t the biggest fan of Three Billboards or The Shape of Water.

TSH: Are you constantly looking to in some ways reinvent the band’s sound with future music?

Russ: Yeah, it’s always important to show that we can pull from a range of different angles so to speak. I guess we just hope that people will stick by us with each passing album. The attention span of the U.K. audience is always kind of unpredictable as they mostly like a band for only a couple of albums. However, it’s been going well for us for quite a while, so we’re very appreciative and happy about that. I guess we’ll just try to keep doing interesting things, and hopefully our fans will keep paying attention and still be interested.

Editors - ��Magazine”

Editors - “Hallelujah (So Low)”

Violence

#Interview #Editors #Tom Smith

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whatdoesseostandfor · 6 years

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My Last Day at Moz. My First Day at SparkToro.

17 years ago, I dropped out of college to work with my mom, Gillian, on the business that became Moz. For 7 years (from 2007-2014), I was that company’s CEO. For the last 4, I’ve been in a variety of individual contributor roles. And today, for me, that journey ends.

On a scale of 0-10, where 0 is “fired and escorted out of the building by security” and 10 is “left entirely of his own accord on wonderful terms,” my departure is around a 4. That makes today a hard one, cognitively and emotionally. I have a lot of sadness, a heap of regrets, and a smattering of resentment too. But I am, deeply, deeply thankful to all the people who supported me and Moz over the last two decades. The experience of building a company like this, of helping to change and mature an industry, of learning so much about entrepreneurship, marketing, and myself has been an honor and a privilege.

What’s Next?

Three things:

A new software company! I’ve got a bit of a chip on my shoulder, and a lot to prove — mostly to myself. That’s always been a superb motivator for me (even if it’s not the most emotionally healthy reason to take on the crazy risk that is startup-building). SparkToro is in a different field of marketing: influencer and audience intelligence. I’m hoping we can solve the thorny, painful problem of discovering where a given audience spends time, who and what they listen to, and where they engage. Some folks call this “influencer marketing” but I’ve found that terminology to be too limiting. It’s often exclusively associated with paying Instagram and YouTube celebrities to post about a product, and that’s not where this product/company is going. In the next year, I hope to have a product I can show you

A book! I’ve spent the last 18 months writing and polishing Lost and Founder: A Painfully Honest Field Guide to the Startup World with a terrifically talented team at Penguin/Random House’s Portfolio imprint. The book’s central tenet is this: A ton of traditional Silicon Valley startup “wisdom” biases companies and founders to do a lot of dumb stuff. This book will help you avoid those pitfalls. It’s told through stories from Moz’s years of growth and struggles, paired with advice and hard-won experience that’s helped us. If you’re a contrarian, or a skeptic of valley startup culture, you’ll probably love it. And if you’re an entrepreneur, marketer, or technologist who believes all the hype, maybe it can at least help you know what to watch for.

A non-profit project to help makes conferences and events safer. It is un-fucking-believable what women (and some men) have had to put up with at events in the marketing and tech worlds. This is a hard arena in which to make a dent, but I’ve been working with a pro bono legal team from Davis Wright Tremaine on a structure that can hopefully help give codes of conduct more teeth and bad behavior more consequence. More to come on this in the months ahead.

Of course, I’ll also be speaking at a number of events, blogging a lot more, and spending a lot of quality time on phone calls with state tax offices (because startup life is glamorous, yo!).

Are You Totally Done With Moz?

No, not entirely. You’ll still see me on Whiteboard Friday (I filmed a good dozen episodes before departing and will likely be back in the office to shoot some more). I’m still working with one internal team on a big product release that didn’t get finished before my departure (a project I’m really proud of and excited about, with a team of people I love). And I’m still on Moz’s board of directors as the chairperson, and still the single largest shareholder (Geraldine and I own ~24% of the outstanding shares).

Thus, I still have a lot of reasons to cheer for, support, and keep my fingers crossed for Moz. I have high hopes that in the years ahead, the product will once again be the leader in its field and the best solution out there for many in the SEO world.

No Vacation?

This seems to be the first question I get when folks hear I’m leaving Moz, so I’ll address it here. Slight spoiler for the book, but it turns out being a startup founder, even if your company has tens of millions in revenue, doesn’t necessarily mean a lot of liquidity. Dollars are at a premium, my severance will only last so long, and thus I need to get this next business off the ground as fast as possible. Perhaps someday Moz will have a liquidity event and I’ll take a few months to relax and unwind. Or maybe this next project will go so well that I’ll have the flexibility to do that (although, knowing myself, I suspect a few weeks > a few months).

Geraldine and I do have a short trip to Portugal planned with our dear friends, Wil and Nora, in late April. Maybe that kinda counts

A Massive Thank You to Nicci Herron

If you’ve worked to schedule something with me in the last 5 years, or visited the Moz office, you know that I’ve been supported by an incredible EA, Nicci Herron. Every week, Nicci does an immense load of work to help not just me, but people all across the Moz organization. She’s so detail-oriented that across thousands of days and no fewer than 20,000 unique events, meetings, and calls, I think she’s made fewer than 5 mistakes total (and most of those were probably her just apologizing for someone else).

When she heard the news that Moz and I would be parting ways, she elected not to stay with the company. Her words to me were “if you’re not here, I don’t want to be either.” I have thought about that loyalty and kindness hundreds of times over the last year when feeling down.

Nicci doesn’t yet know what she’s planning to do next, which means there’s a tiny, brief window where a very lucky organization might snap her up. If you have need of someone with her extraordinary skills, please drop her a line via LinkedIn (or ping me directly and I can connect you).

Five Tidbits of Advice

Not many people stay with one job or one company for such a huge percent of their lives, especially not in the technology world. To some degree, this has almost certainly had a myopic impact on what I can see and perceive of a professional career, but it’s also a unique position to be in. I suspect that, with time and distance, I’ll be able to see the experience of Moz more clearly, but some things I can take away now (that aren’t already covered in Lost and Founder) include:

The best skill I’ve developed and the one that’s served me best as a founder, a CEO, and a marketer is empathy. Being able to put myself in the shoes of other people and imagine their pain, their problems, their workflows and speed bumps has been invaluable both on the product side and in creating content. Side note: this does not come naturally (or at least, doesn’t *only* come naturally). Spending lots of time with people I want to learn about, getting to know them personally, and asking questions, listening, and watching has been huge, too.

My number one tip for marketers seeking to grow their career opportunities is this: specialize. Specialize deeply. I don’t mean “SEO” or “Email marketing,” I mean specialization like “I’m the best link-focused SEO for the mobile gaming world.” Expanding from a specialization (if you so choose) is vastly easier, in my experience, than becoming known for a broad practice. This is equally true for companies as for individuals.

Video served as a dramatic accelerant for my personal brand, vastly more than I ever expected. Whiteboard Friday begat more conference invitations and interviews and awareness than even my most successful blog posts. I think the branding and stickiness value of video means that every viewer is worth (in the marketing sense) 10X more than a reader of text content (maybe more).

At Moz, weighting powerful, important, high-profile people’s opinions higher than our customers opinions inevitably led to doom. That was usually me putting more stock in what a handful of VCs who turned me down for investment thought over what hundreds of customers and potential customers were telling me they wanted. Granted, when you’re a VC-backed company, paying attention to investors matters because your next round is crucial (unless you’re profitable, in which case you don’t necessarily need to raise more, even though the startup culture will convince you it’s the only way). But, I also over-indexed on what highly influential authors and bloggers thought, and what I heard from a few folks I hoped might be potential acquirers. Dumb. When building a company, customers (and potential customers) > almost everyone else.

Tricks, hacks, and individual point solutions never made a big impact for us (and honestly, they’ve never made a big impact for any other company I’ve worked with or advised, either). Coming from the SEO world (and being bombarded by the emergent culture of “growth hacking”), this hit hard. For years I thought that the one right move would accelerate growth or the one right feature would make everyone love our product. But in fact, it’s when the whole became better than the sum of its parts that magic happened. That proved true in marketing, in product, in internal culture, even in recruiting. Crafting holistic, consistent, high quality experiences always beat out that “one magic trick” for improving… whatever. I think this is equally applicable in one’s personal life. The house, the car, the boyfriend, the vacation — none can, alone, produce the “and now I’m finally happy!” result.

Thank you again to everyone who’s been so kind to me and to Moz. I hope that I can continue to return those favors and to help many more people do better marketing.

p.s. Moz is shutting off my old email address there; if you’d like to reach me in the future, drop a line to rand at sparktoro.com.

The post My Last Day at Moz. My First Day at SparkToro. appeared first on SparkToro.

More articles on my blog: http://ift.tt/1ar6xOc from Blogger http://ift.tt/2Fcpw1G

#My Last Day at Moz. My First Day at SparkToro.

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meetmeatthecoda · 7 years

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Grifting With The Enemy: Chapter 2!

Ah, here it is, at long last! Sorry it took so long guys. It was a bit of a struggle, I’ve got some RL things going on. But I’m steadily chipping away at this story, don’t worry! So I hope you enjoy this chapter! It will also be posted on my FF.net and Ao3. Please feel free to send me any feedback or comments! They are much appreciated! Thank you! :D Below the cut <3

Red heaves a sigh, easing himself down into his favorite armchair, propping his feet up on the coffee table. He had only a handful of meetings today but he is exhausted. He hasn’t been sleeping enough and he’s been drinking far too much, as evidenced by the size of the bags under his eyes and the amount of scotch in his tumbler. He would go to bed now and sleep like the dead but he’s waiting for Dembe to return from his…errand.

After thanking Gordon, Red and Dembe had left the office building and gone straight back to the car. As soon as the door had closed behind them, Red had only one thing to say to Dembe:

“I want everything you can get me on her.”

Dembe had just nodded and drove them back to their current safehouse while Red made some phone calls in the back. When they had arrived, Dembe made a few of his own phone calls to various contacts of Red’s, aiming to collect the intel Red wanted. He had left soon after to pick it up.

At the moment, Red wants to see him safely back and then hopefully have a bit of late night reading on his new most intriguing associate: Elizabeth Scott.

Liz.

Lizzie.

He knows it’s a sizeable risk to take on a new grifter so quickly without the proper background checks first but there was just something about her…Red couldn’t help but say yes to her impossibly blue eyes. And her quick reflexes. He still isn’t sure how she managed to swipe his wallet. But, at the same time, she was also sure to swipe his…interest. Dembe thinks he’s foolish, surely. Red can tell, knows him too well to expect anything else. And Red doesn’t blame him. He usually makes a point of being more immune to women he’s working with. At least before he gets to know them better.

But with Lizzie, he can’t seem to help himself. He wonders if this will become a habit. He wonders if he cares.

Red’s musings are interrupted by a key rattling in the lock. Ah, Dembe is back. Wonderful. The door opens and the man in question shuffles in, carrying a thick manila envelope. Red can immediately see how tired Dembe is by the slump of his shoulders and the hang of his head. He will sleep deeply tonight.

“Here is the information you requested, Raymond.” He says softly, handing him the envelope.

“Thank you very much, my friend. Get some rest.”

Dembe nods sleepily and heads to his room.

Red puts his scotch down and eagerly turns to the envelope, breaking the seal and leaning forward in his chair to spread out the contents on the coffee table. The first thing he sees are several undercover photographs of Liz in action, wearing a variety of subtle disguises, including sunglasses, beanies, and wigs. He feels the corners of his mouth pull up into a soft smile, seeing the talented, and beautiful, young thief at work.

The photographs show Liz in and outside an assortment of establishments that all look…strangely familiar. Red frowns, flipping through the photographs faster. His eyebrows lower as he lays the photographs out next to each other on the coffee table.

No, he’s not mistaken. And no, this can’t be a coincidence.

“Don’t think I haven’t heard of you.” she’d said.

Red scoffs and collapses back into his arm chair, picking up his scotch and taking a generous swig, shaking his head. He should have known something about her was too good to be true. Every photograph, every place Liz is shown to be robbing, is a business Red has significant ties to and investments in.

Elizabeth Scott has been stealing from him.

Red waits for the familiar surge of anger that should accompany the discovery of such a betrayal. He should be mad, livid, beside himself.

But it doesn’t come.

Red quickly realizes that of the various things he is feeling, anger is not among them. Irritation perhaps, and a touch of annoyance at the sizable inconvenience that Liz was able to cause for his businesses but there is mostly surprise. Awe. And more…interest.

How intriguing.

Red then realizes that, strangely, he has no intention of renouncing Liz. He still wants to use her for this heist. After all, if she can steal that successfully from him, he can’t imagine what havoc she can wreak on his enemies. And the odds are she was being consistently hired by his adversaries to steal from him, not mounting a full-fledged attack on his empire of her own accord. She wouldn’t have met with him if she was trying to declare a war. Liz may be a thief but she’s not stupid. Yes, he will use her for this heist. At any rate, it will keep her from stealing any more from him for the length of the operation. He’ll make sure of that. Keep your enemies close and all that.

(At least, this is what Red will tell Dembe when he inevitably asks if Red has lost his mind. And Dembe will scoff and shake his head and not believe him. And Red won’t blame him.)

Red nods to himself, satisfied with his plan of action. He takes another sip of scotch and then leans forward to pick up a typed sheet of information that was included in the packet of photographs, skimming the facts about Lizzie collected by his trustworthy sources. Orphan, adopted father, raised in Nebraska, bachelor’s degree in psychology (Red snorts at that. Psychology. The perfect useless degree for an aspiring thief), currently single (Red tries not to linger over that fact), apartment in a nearby DC suburb. Red stops.

Hmm.

Perhaps he and Dembe will pay Lizzie a little visit tomorrow morning. He can question her thoroughly about her recent business endeavors and get her up to date on the heist. And perhaps he will finally gain the upper hand in this little dance of theirs.

He smiles in anticipation at the thought.

-----------------

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Dembe mutters to him, keeping watch, glancing subtly up and down the empty hallway.

Red shoots him a look from his current position, crouched down in front of Elizabeth Scott’s apartment door.

Picking the lock.

“You’re just grumpy because I got you up so early,” Red says, jiggling the pick a little.

Dembe grumbles something unintelligible. Because it is early. 7:00am, as a matter of fact. But Red wants to be there well before Lizzie wakes. To surprise her, unnerve her, show her that he is not someone to be trifled with, despite all her successful thievery from him.

(And perhaps the thought of her all warm and sleepy sends a thrill through him but that doesn’t matter. Not at all.)

Red sighs in relief as he finally moves the last tumbler and the lock clicks back. 45 seconds. Not bad by any means but certainly not his best time. He’s out of practice.

Red stands swiftly and eases the door open, slipping his lock-picking tools into his pocket, while Dembe, with a final cautionary glance down the hallway, follows him inside.

Hearing Dembe close and re-lock the door behind him, Red moves slowly into the apartment, listening closely for any movement upstairs that might indicate Lizzie is awake. He hears nothing. He sheds his coat and hat, placing them neatly on the back of a chair by the door that holds her purse and other going-out essentials. He tries to shake a strangely domestic feeling as he does so. He moves forward past the little entrance hall into the main living area. It is quite a beautiful loft apartment. Red can’t wait to snoop.

He moves forward eagerly to inspect the closest thing, her bookshelf. It is surprisingly well packed for a young thief fresh out of college. Red expects to see girly magazines and sappy romance novels. But instead he sees a plethora of psychology books, ranging from encyclopedia sized to the average novel length. Red frowns. Her college textbooks perhaps? No, it doesn’t look like it. Well, perhaps she has a vesting interest in the human psyche after all. Interesting. He skims the remaining books, a mixture of classics and murder mysteries.

Hm.

He moves on, around her comfortable looking leather couch, and crouches down to her modest entertainment center to peer at her DVD collection. He expects much the same as he did with her books, chick flicks and romances. But he is once again surprised, seeing only a handful of “girly” movies that are lightly sprinkled amongst a variety of dramas and psychological thrillers that would probably grace his own collection, if he ever stayed long enough in one place to amass one.

Red frowns, straightening up, and turns around to actually look at the apartment, doing a 360 degree turn to take it all in.

There is light, simple décor on the walls and a handful of neatly framed paintings, which are an interesting mix of minimalist and impressionist styles with, unbelievably, a well-painted portrait of Freud on the far wall.

Red blinks, confused. This is Lizzie's apartment? This doesn't make any sense. Red prides himself in his ability to read people and have an accurate idea of their personality, likes, and dislikes within the first ten minutes of meeting them. This kind of skill comes from years of experience and keen observation. Following his instincts, he had easily pegged Elizabeth for a typical young girl in her early twenties. But this apartment clearly shows the personality of a slightly older, more sophisticated, very intelligent, introspective woman.

How fascinating.

If there was any doubt that Red would be working with Lizzie before, there certainly isn’t now. Red has never been more stunned by a first meeting and then this completely turned around by a second. Elizabeth is a mystery. And he is curious.

And when Red gets curious, he digs deeper.

Red is snapped out of his enthralled stupor by a creak from upstairs.

Elizabeth is up.

A strange thrill goes through him at the thought and he hurriedly pushes it aside, walking to the couch and sitting down, adjusting his vest. Dembe takes his place behind the couch. Ah, the old breaking-in-and-making-himself-comfortable routine. It unnerves people every time. He smirks, already pleased with himself, as he sees movement at the top of the stairs.

"Good morning, Lizzie!"

He takes pleasure in seeing her jump, almost falling down the stairs in her surprise, hand going to her ankle apparently out of habit. Interesting. She probably wears a knife strapped to leg. He'll remember that.

She straightens up quickly, seeming to realize she's just given something away, and plasters a carefree smile on her face, smoothing down her oversized t-shirt.

Her oversized t-shirt.

"Well, good morning, Red. Dembe."

The only thing she's wearing.

"This is certainly a pleasant surprise."

No, he sees a peek of blue cotton as she sashays down the rest of the stairs. She's wearing blue cotton panties and an oversized t-shirt. That's all.

And she's waiting for him to speak.

Dembe surreptitiously kicks the back of the couch.

Red clears his throat.

"Yes, I imagine it is."

Great. He's come here to take her off guard and somehow, he's still the one to end up speechless. He should have anticipated her state of undress and been prepared for it. But even if he had, he gets the feeling it wouldn't have mattered much. Her legs look even more smooth and endless when they are bare and jean-less.

With considerable effort, he drags his eyes up her legs to stare at her face, which is smirking at him once again. Her hair is pulled up in a messy, sleep-tousled ponytail and her face is free of makeup, pale and pretty. Natural.

He thinks fleetingly that she doesn't need makeup. She's gorgeous.

She’s also standing with her arms crossed and her hip cocked in what he’s coming to recognize as her trademark confident pose, once again asserting dominance over Red.

Now that won't do.

"What can I help you with this early in the morning, gentlemen?" She asks politely. "The heist isn't today, is it?" She smirks again, teasing Red.

Oh, she's so young.

"No, it's not, Lizzie. But I thought you might want to discuss the details of the job sooner rather than later."

“At 7:30 in the morning?"

Red shrugs, smiling pleasantly.

"We're early risers."

He can feel Dembe seething behind him. Ah well. He'll make it up to him with Indian food for dinner tonight.

“I also thought you’d like to know that it has come to my attention that you’ve made… rather a habit of stealing from my interests.” He watches her carefully. She stiffens slightly but maintains her uninterested expression.

“Oh, yes? Well, I must admit I was wondering when you would figure that out. But it’s nothing personal, Red, I was hired to do all those jobs and I was paid good money to do them. You’ve rather a lot of enemies, if you haven’t noticed.” She grins tightly at him, still wary.

“Oh, yes, I’ve noticed.” He smiles darkly. “But there’s no need to look so ill at ease, Lizzie, I assumed as much. And I understand a young thief such as yourself has to make money wherever she can.” He sees some of the tension leave her shoulders at the sincerity in his voice. “I’m willing to forgive your past… indiscretions against me in exchange for not taking any other jobs from now until after our heist is complete. I assure you that your cut will have you well compensated for any gigs you may miss in the meantime.”

She pauses, narrowing her eyes a little at him, trying to gauge the amount of honesty she sees there. He stares back at her calmly, openly, unperturbed.

“You want a truce?” she inquires suspiciously.

“I suppose that’s a good name for it, yes.” He agrees. “Mostly to make sure you aren’t stealing from me behind my back.”

She raises an eyebrow at him. “You really think I’d be stupid enough to double-dip from Raymond Reddington?”

He smiles in spite of himself. “No, I don’t. But it pays to be cautious.” He says simply. “This pact will also ensure your complete and utter availability and loyalty for this heist. My previous grifter got into a spot of trouble with a simple gig he took to keep himself busy.”

“Enrique? Yeah, I heard about that.”

“You’ll understand the necessity then.”

She hesitates, her blue eyes flickering back and forth between his green ones.

Hers are the color of a clear, cloudless, bright blue, early morning sky. Beautiful.

“All right, then,” she agrees finally. “I suppose that’s fair.”

“Wonderful!” proclaims Red, smiling brightly at her. “With that little matter out of the way, we can move on to more pleasant business! Now, this heist –“

"Hang on,” She interrupts with a chuckle, holding her hand up to stop him before he can get going, “I don't know about you two but I need some coffee in me before I discuss work. Want a cup?"

"Oh, please." Replies Red, equally surprised and delighted, as she turns and pads to the small kitchen to plug in the coffee maker.

Red tries not to stare at her as she goes.

Dembe clears his throat pointedly as he passes Red, following Liz to the kitchen.

"Oh, shut it." Red mutters to him as he stands and makes his way to the kitchen as well.

Dembe snorts quietly but otherwise stays quiet.

"How do you like your coffee?" Liz asks politely, bustling around, setting out milk, sugar, and mugs on the island, still sans pants.

"Would you like to dress before we begin?" Red questions courteously, both for her comfort and for his sanity.

Liz shrugs, perching on a kitchen stool at the island and demurely crossing her legs. Red notices that her lower half is tactfully hidden by the counter.

"This is how I usually eat breakfast. Does it make you uncomfortable?"

Red works his mouth.

"Not at all."

Lizzie grins.

"Alright then."

Dembe hides his smirk behind his mug.

"So," Liz starts, taking a sip of her coffee (three creams and two sugars, Red notes) and once again taking the lead, "What do I need to know about this heist?"

Red sighs, taking a fortifying gulp of his own coffee (just one sugar, Liz notes) and smooths down his tie, preparing himself.

Time to impress.

"Our target is one Amos Rodfield," Red begins imperiously, feeling both very comfortable with commanding a room and very excited at commanding Lizzie's attention, "owner of the AR&M Bank in downtown D.C."

But, once again, he doesn't get very far.

"AM&R?" Liz repeats, somewhat incredulously.

"Yes," Red answers, a little irritated at being interrupted one sentence into his tirade. "It stands for 'Amos Rodfield and Money'. Not very original, I know."

"No, I know what it stands for." Liz says, waving her hand as if batting away a fly. "But we in the grifting business call it 'The Fortress'. That place is impenetrable."

"Perhaps for some." Red states confidently.

Lizzie's eyes narrow at his cockiness. He feels a tiny stab of guilt. He finds himself quickly speaking again to get rid of that sliver of irritation he sees in her eyes.

"But I think with the combination of my sizeable resources and your substantial skills, we'll be able to accomplish it without difficulty."

The thinly veiled compliment seems to please her, her blue eyes lightening, and Red feels an easing in his chest.

"All right then," Liz says flippantly. "I'm always up for a challenge." She grins at him in a way that makes his heart stutter.

Ah. Well then.

"So, what did the poor Mr. Rodfield do to bring your formidable wrath down on him?" She quirks her eyebrow at him.

Red chuckles, endlessly amused by her.

"I was a loyal client of his for many years, storing a large portion of my funds in his bank with complete trust in his discretion and animosity." Liz leans forward a little on her stool, becoming enthralled with his dramatic storytelling, his hands gesturing to bring even more life to his words. "But after seven years of loyal service, one minor competitor comes knocking and he gives away some important information with only a few questions asked."

Liz frowns. "But why would he do that to you after seven years?"

"Well, to be fair, I don't think he meant to. My competitor and their motives were well disguised."

"Well then, why don't you punish the competitor, not the banker?"

"What makes you think I didn't?" Red ask with a strange, dark glint in his eyes that sends a shiver down her spine.

"Not to worry, I took care of the main problem.” He continues easily. “But Amos really should have known better. Loyalty is invaluable in my business, especially when it comes to money. So, I withdrew all my funds immediately and made it clear that I would never again be paying for his unreliable service."

"And that isn't enough?"

"Not quite. It was a rather well publicized betrayal and people connected to me may get the idea that little slipups like that are acceptable, if they can get away with it. They most certainly are not. So, my goal is to rob Amos and make it obvious it was me, thereby sending a message to the rest of the criminal world that I am not someone to be tested. It’s the price of business, you see, Lizzie."

Liz nods. She is not unfamiliar with the vindictive ways of criminals in Raymond Reddington's circle. But she can't help but admire all the thought and planning that obviously goes into Red’s every movement, so unlike the clumsy low-level crooks and drug dealers she usually deals with.

"Okay," Liz says easily. "So what now?"

Red just looks at her for a moment, surprised at her acceptance of the back-stabbing and two-faced nature of the criminal underworld he lives in. He can't help but look at her and wonder how such a young, beautiful, talented thing like her became so deeply immersed in the world of crime. And why does she seem so at home there?

Red mentally shakes himself and nods jerkily at her, swigging the last sip of his coffee and standing. He hears Dembe preparing to leave behind him.

"Now?" Red repeats. She nods, looking up at him, eyes twinkling. "You get dressed and enjoy your day, Elizabeth. I'll be contacting you soon to set up another meeting."

"And will that one be in my underwear as well?" She asks cheekily.

"Certainly," Red purrs, looking at her with lidded eyes, pausing in shrugging on his coat and donning his hat. "If that's how you usually plan heists."

She blushes prettily and smiles.

He tosses her a wink and sees himself out.

He can't wait to get started.

#The Blacklist #Lizzington #mine #fanfic #prompt #@launa88 #AU #love it?#hate it?#indifferent to it?#let me know!#:D #<3

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sarahaltmanposts · 5 years

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Ball of Fire

April 10, 2019

Lately, I’ve been feeling VERY scared. Actually, terrified. I feel like if you peeled away my skin, you’d find a huge ball of firey fear. It’s raging. It’s consuming me. And while I’m doing my very best to move through it, I can’t help but admit I’m panicking.

Contrary to what you may expect, this blog is not about cancer. This time, I’m going to break an old social taboo and write about something most people don’t share openly. I hesitate only because this extends beyond my own experience and involves my entire family. Mostly, I want to honor my husband’s privacy. But true to form, he supports me one hundred percent in my experience and has given me the green light to share this publicly. So here we go.

Money. It sucks.

From the time I was a child, I didn’t have visions of marriage or career. I had visions of being a mom. It’s all I ever wanted to be. But before I was able to manifest that dream, lots of life happened. I was a fiercely independent woman, having spent several years in NYC as a (hopeful) actress and eventually finding my way to a great career as a Casting Director for television. I loved casting! But my dream for kids was strong, so when I found myself pregnant after three miscarriages, I chose to stop casting and become an incubator. This wasn’t a tough decision to make- I knew what I wanted and I went after it. And after many years of pain and disappointment, we gave birth to our first son. Another loss and eventually son number two came three and half years later.

After clearing up a big ‘ole misunderstanding about expectations once I became a Mom, my husband jumped on board with me choosing to stay home to be a career mom. (That sentence is very weighted. Although it’s said with one breath, it took months of therapy to work through!)

Here’s the thing- at the time, my husband was an actor. Nowadays he’s more of a writer. Neither of them offer consistent, sustainable income. Not unless you’re one of the very, very lucky ones. So one of the challenges for me, the girl who grew up contentedly middle class, in the same house my entire life and craves stability, was becoming more improvisational and flexible, especially when it came to money. For the most part, my husband has managed to find consistent work. And I’ve learned that there will be ebbs and flows of income. More like feast or famine, honestly. So I adapt: when money is flowing, I’m packing it away like a squirrel stores nuts for the long winter. (Do squirrels really do that? I’m not sure, but I like the image.) We live a very frugal life, putting the bulk of our income toward the boys activities. But when work slows for my husband and stored money begins to dwindle down to a place where I’m uncomfortable, it gets bad. And scary.

I gave up a lot by choosing to stay home with the boys. Sure, I miss having a career of my own, but not nearly enough to make me want to trade in my career as a mom. However, I do miss the income and financial security the career outside the home provided. We have spent many conversations about the guilt I have by not generating a regular income. My husband understands the value I offer our boys and continues to support my decision through all my hemming and hawing, even though this puts tremendous pressure on him as the sole provider.

So when we get to this scary place, I panic. And old programming makes its way into my head.

When I was in my twenties, pursuing my acting career in NY, I was encouraged by my Dad to find a job that would offer a more sustainable income. His solution was to become a Pharmaceutical Rep. Those of you who know me can stop laughing now. Here’s why it’s humorous: First of all, I’m not a salesperson. I’m way too honest and transparent to sell something I may not completely believe in. And that leads to…Secondly, I don’t like taking medications for anything! Not even aspirin!

But I began to notice a feeling in my body whenever Dad would suggest the career move. It was an intense anxiousness. My heart and blood race, there’s a tightness in my chest and tears begin to form in my eyes. That’s how terror shows up for me. As I matured in my awareness of my body, I was able to identify the feelings as a sign that I’m on a path that may not be in service to myself.

But there’s always a small little voice in my head whispering, “Or is that how you justify avoiding doing something that you know you need to do?” The conflict is almost always there.

And that’s how I’m feeling right now. It’s the fear of having to be forced into a position that doesn’t fit me. Something that just isn’t right. I feel like I just can’t breathe. Somehow this fear is scarier to me than almost all of my cancer experience (except the part where I was afraid I’d die). And I’m terrified to my bones that if I don’t take one of “those jobs” that we will run out of money and be homeless. T E R R I F I E D!

So if you saw me right now, I’d look normal to you. But in reality, that big ‘ole ball of fear raging like a fire. All. The. Time.

I resort to my training. First, I acknowledge that although the fear is real, it isn’t necessarily based on truth from past experience. We have never been entirely broke or homeless. Ever. False Evidence Appearing Real. True, it has been very, very scary at times. (Like now!) But somehow we have always managed to pull ourselves out of the situation.

But the fear says, “What if this time is different? What are you going to do? It’s time to suck it up and go get a job- anything that will bring in money. Anything you big ‘ole wuss. Most women don’t even have a choice- they HAVE to work, you spoiled brat.Who do you think you are? Nobody gets to live their dream their entire life! Get out there and get a REAL job.” Fear is not nice to me. I feel the tightness almost strangling me and the panic sitting in my stomach.

The voice keeps me up at night. When I get overwhelmed, I once again turn to my training.

Because this seems to be a pattern in my life, I understand there must be opportunities available to me. What have I been overlooking? What lesson is this situation offering me? I hear a much more gentle voice reassuring me. “It’s ok, Sarah. It’s going to be ok. You are held. You are always held. This is unfolding perfectly. Keep your heart and mind open.” And slowly, I can feel myself loosening. My breath deepens. My panic begins to dissolve and I feel a softening; a way to look at this all a bit differently. And it feels much better than the tight, anxious, panicked feeling of fear.

So if this is perfect, what IS my opportunity? Well, I’ve been hovering in a space of not knowing what the next chapter of my life is going to look like for the last several years. Maybe this is exactly what I need, a kick in the pants, to get me thinking more in that direction? I sit in that for a while. And then a plan begins to form. And I’m reminded that working does NOT have to look like my fear’s images. There is a world where I’m doing something I enjoy, generating money AND being the kind of mom I want to continue to be.

And that’s where I am today. Still terrified, but taking small, action steps. Trusting that I have enough time left before our funds run out to allow the plans to evolve into something that generates income.

Trust- that’s a big one, right? I’ve always had a hard time discerning the fine line between trust and denial. Right now, I’m too dang scared, so I’m going to lean towards trust. I don’t want to give into my fear because the past has shown that when I make choices from a place of fear, they just don’t work out. And sitting in this space FEELS much better. I’m breathing easier, the tightness in my chest is gone and the panic has lessened. So trust it is. For this moment. And then hopefully the next and then the next.

My son had a big gymnastics competition recently. He started out really strong on his first event and then fell on his second, dropping him from first place to ninth. I went into a tailspin as I kept re-playing the moment he fell, wondering why, trying to somehow change the outcome in my mind. In the meantime, my son just kept working hard and competing beautifully at his subsequent events, chipping away at the lead that the other athletes had gained by his fall. Going into the sixth and final event, only four tenths separated him from first place. He prepared to mount the pommel, an event that had been giving him so much difficulty throughout the season. I tried my best to not cheer very loudly because I didn’t want to distract him. But as he worked his way through the routine, gaining momentum, clearing each skill, I just couldn’t hold back. My cheers became louder and louder, knowing full well if he didn’t fall, he’d win. And then, just like that, it was over. He’d done it- stayed on the pommel, did what he was supposed to do, what he’d been training for all season, and completed a clean routine. And yeh, he won the competition!

I can’t help but consider the symbolism of this event and extrapolate it onto my life. If I can just keep pushing, even after falling, trusting that I can do what I am put on this earth to do, it will all be ok. And maybe I can cheer for myself a bit too, knowing I can win if I can just hold on!

At least, that’s what I’m gonna tell myself today.

In loving,

Sarah

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willridgard · 6 years

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THE ‘A TO Z’ OF MY AMERICAN ADVENTURE IN WORDS AND PICTURES

Did I really live in America for 15 months?

Yes.

Yes I did.

But, after more than 18 months since moving back ‘home, from Richmond, Virginia, I frequently ask myself the above question.

More than 4,000 miles away from friends, family, and home comforts, I must have been mad when I think about it. But I did love it! Experiencing a different culture and way of life was superb and I’m really glad I was brave enough to do it.

I haven’t written too much lately, but I’ve been inspired by my ‘American adventure’ and plan on providing my committed readers with A to Z ramblings and pictures on all things ‘Merica. So here goes…

Alcohol - They love it! Yep, it’s true, some Americans cannot drink, but then some Brits cannot either! There are some lovely local ales and ciders to choose from. Oh what I’d give for a Bold Rock Cider or a Vienna Lager right now; Virginia’s finest! Bud Light was like water over there and there was nothing better than a visit to the local alehouse or brewery on a Sunday afternoon filled full of sunshine, live music food trucks, and good drinks. ‘Tailgating’ was fun; you basically eat, drink and play games in/by your cars until you are ready to go into the event you are waiting for. It’s also almost impossible not to get ID’d in the States; you literally get ID’d every single time. In Walmart they have a ‘Challenge 40′ policy. Strict or what!? Pints come in the form of ‘fluid ounces’. You can pick from 16, 24 and 32 fl oz. 1 imperial pint = 17.5 fl oz. It’s fair to say that the 32 fl oz ‘growlers’ (which keep your beer cool & fresh) are the most popular…’Tipping’ is a must. A lot of employees make most of their money from tips; anything less than 10% is frowned upon, but not illegal. I recommend tipping at around 20%, and in cash…We partied pretty much every weekend (we even did an all-nighter in a Ipswich v Norwich themed party in respect of the 1-1 draw in September 2016) and I learned all the ins and outs of popular drinking games such as Chesticles, Flip Cup and Beer Pong. #BYOB

Baseball - ‘Take me out to the old ball game’ was a song that I had to get used to during my stay. I took a while to warm to the popular sport, but actually rather enjoyed it in the end. I found it quite relaxing and similar to cricket, but some fun interlude activities, after every inning, such as t-shirt shooting, mascot racing and a firework display made it worth the admission price. The Richmond Flying Squirrels were my local team (I even got a selfie with ‘Nutsie’), but I was fortunate enough to watch a Major League Baseball game between Washington Nationals and St. Louis Cardinals. In prime seats, it was fantastic to experience the pace, skill and professionalism that these major players display. Unfortunately, I never really gave hitting or pitching a go; Year 11 Rounders was where my talents ended! #ItsAHit

Cornhole - Cornhole is amazing! Basically, either on your own or with a partner, and against another individual/pair, you have to chuck bags of corn (effectively beanbags) onto a board from quite a distance. You score one point if your bag stays on the board and three if you manage to throw it into the hole towards the top of the board! However, if, say I was to throw my bag into the hole and then little Jimmy, on the other team, did as well, our scoring points would be cancelled. The team who scores 21 points first is the winner. Technique and mental strength is everything. Some people loop them. Some people fire them in. I was obsessed, but I wasn’t as good as your average American… I might make a couple of boards now and turn it into a UK craze…#NiceToss

Driving - God. Where do I start? Turning left at traffic lights is a nightmare. You can turn right on a red light, which actually makes things on the road a lot quicker…if you don’t crash into the back of someone (cough, Daryl). Turning left is slow and takes forever. Daryl and I also took two hours to get from work to our apartment (a 10-minute drive) on our first day…it was fun trying to work out where to go and on the wrong side of the road! Trying to buy a car, as a ‘foreigner’, was even more fun. After literally the longest day in the world, with lots of technical difficulties, I finally managed to get my hands on a Hyundai Elentra. Fortunately, obtaining a Virginia Driver’s Licence was far easier, although I did have to take practical and theory tests. Now, it’s no secret that I spent quite a bit of time and money getting a UK licence, but, ironically, I had no such problems getting a Virginian one. After smashing the theory test, adapting to all the different road signs, my practical test was literally a 15-minute drive around the block to make sure I could control the car! Oh how I laughed. American driving licences are handed out via states, only making them valid in that state, so it’s all very confusing when someone from Florida drives in Virginia for example…Automatic cars are also very popular out there. Nine out of 10 cars are automatic. I’m not a fan myself; you approach a junction and all you have to do is brake, but it felt like you should have more to do! I was more of a ‘stick’ fan. Stick to what you know. There were also lots of monster trucks, with wheels as big as elephants. Don’t mess with those. #MyRideOrDie

Experience - If you’re thinking about going to work/live abroad, even if it’s for a short/extended period of time, go for it. Different places bring different experiences and ways of life. If you don’t like it, you can always come home! #JustDoIt

Food - Oh my god. It was amazing. It’s easy to put on the pounds…and not so easy to lose them. Americans love their food. They especially enjoying ‘grilling out’ - the equivalent of a BBQ - with an unlimited array of meats, pastas, and salads. They literally ‘grill’ all day (often by the pool and with a ‘cooler’ packed full of beers) and everybody brings a dish until it’s all cooked and eaten! Fried food is massive. McDonalds is monstrous. Chicken wings (mostly devoured at Buffalo Wild Wings) are most popular and the portion sizes will blow your mind. I made history when I walked through a Chinese drivethrough (I had car issues) on July 4…They’d never experienced that. Chipotle was the best. I had countless amounts of it; I could eat it forever. Double chicken. White rice. Black beans. Medium sauce. Grated cheese. Sour Cream. Sweetcorn. Chips & dip. Unbelievable. Still, I did miss a good ole Sunday Roast. #BurritoBowl

Golf - There are some lovely courses, with some beautiful views. If only I was a bit better…However, I did make Oasis Sports Park history with a tee-off that skipped across the pond on three or four occasions before plonking right next to the pin for a birdie. Well, birdie opportunity…You know what they say ‘form is temporary, class is permanent’… Footgolf, at Windy Hill Sports Complex, was a lot of fun too and was the permanent fixture of the annual Wynn Lane competition. I did convincingly win it in 2016…#Fore

Hiking - There are some amazing views in Virginia. It took me a while to get used to that hike life, but I actually really enjoyed a good ole Sunday morning stroll up the mountains. Hiking is kinda scary you know, but fortunately I outfought several bears and managed to avoid any catastrophic slips off the top of the mountains. Better to be safe than sorry… #HypeToHike

Indoor soccer - So much fun. It’s fast, it’s feisty, and it’s really competitive. Indoor soccer is played professionally across the pond and I found myself working in a place that specialised in it. XL Sports World provides 24/7 soccer. Every night of the week, hundreds of players and teams, of all ages, sexes, and abilities compete against each other. From U6 up to the 40+ age range, every day was different. In the ‘Winter season’, when there is no ‘outdoor soccer’, the XLSW facility is absolutely heaving; it opens at 6:30am and often closes somewhere between 2 and 3 am, with both ‘fields’ fully occupied through the duration! Crazy. Indoor is played on a pitch with measurements of 180 by 75 feet. Solid walls all the way around lead to a plethora of rebounds and pinballs! Let me tell you that indoor is bloody exhausting and you need subs more than ever! In such a tight area, toepoke shots were so effective, yet so annoying to watch as a football traditionalist. I loudly disapproved at the start, but actually used them quite a lot in the end as goalkeepers didn’t expect them and nobody knew where the ball would end up! This is not just your casual game of five-aside by the way…there is a whole book of unique rules (including the controversial three-line rule among others), with match referees, who have to be certified. Games consist of two 25 minute halves and you can get blue, yellow and red cards! Blue card = two-minute time-out. Yellow = five minutes. Red = whole facility ban plus a trial with the disciplinary committee (basically FIFA). Working and playing there was challenging at times as you wanted to win, but you also didn’t really want to upset customers/referees that you have to build relationships with. It’s a fine balancing act, but I think I got it just about right and only received one blue card(hand of God) in hundreds of games played. Once the ‘regular season’ is over, the play-offs occur, with the lure of ‘half-price beer’ for the winners often inspiring the teams…XLSW is the biggest seller of beer in the whole of Richmond. Impressive! Indoor Soccer is fantastic and I’d love to play and be a part of it again. Partizan Richmond United were my outdoor team and we were decent (I think we finished as runners-up). Roachy = absolute Scottish legend. #Helen #GoalsBusiness

Jamaica - I loved living with a few Jamaican lads. We had such a laugh living and working together. FIFA was on repeat. The nights out were great and we all played footy together too. Their cooking was sublime. Hopefully King Rusty has got a bit better at sh*thead by now… #BobsleighTeam

Kickers - Richmond Kickers were my local professional soccer team. Kickers played in the third tier of professional soccer (The USL) and the standard was quite impressive. On my first visit to City Stadium, I saw them narrowly lose 2-1 to a West Brom side that saw one of my heroes in Gareth McAuley play! In the summer of 2016, Kickers went one better and shocked a strong Swansea side by deservedly beating them 2-0. Both games were delayed by major thunderstorms, which was certainly a new experience for me and the English sides (Tony Pulis did keep his hat on). After settling into my XL Sports World job, I broadened my journalistic horizons and the Kickers were fantastic for me. They took me on in a part-time intern basis, and as the 2016 season progressed, I often found myself in the Kickers’ headquarters, writing articles and becoming part of the team. I even helped out the retail team once and sorted out the club merchandise! It was great to see how a professional club operates and I was very thankful to be a small part of the journey. I was very impressed with their ticket promotions too; prices were cheap (often $10) and there were stacks of drinks deals for paying customers too. Kickers’ average gate was around 4,000 when I was there. Impressive. #RVAIsRed

Lifestyle - You can do what you want really. I had so much freedom and lived a very relaxed life. All I really did was drink beer, eat food, play football, and hang out with friends. Perfect. I hit the gym a bit, I dived in the pool a bit. Concerts were epic (Milky Chance being my favourite), but you had to be careful of the crazy rednecks which were also in abundance at other events I attended such as NASCAR and the Rodeo. The Rodeo was a strange one; it’s something I can say I’ve been to, but I’m not too keen on it. Being a sport fanatic, I also put a lot of effort in to see live American Football, Baseball, Hockey, and Basketball matches. All of which were fascinating and very different. I must say that the hype, the electric atmosphere and the interval entertainment significantly adds to the value for money of attending American sporting occasions. They make you feel involved and you cannot take your eyes off the spectacle. I often went line dancing (LOL. Hopefully there is no video footage of my amazing dance moves out there) at a local bar, and loved Rugged Maniac which consisted of a 3-mile run littered with challenging obstacles (fire, barbed wire, tunnels, etc) and mud up to your waist! Paddleboarding was bloody immense…once you could do it. I did fall over a few times initially, but it was brilliant thereafter. I shot a few guns (Walmart was full of them) and, like everybody else, got hooked on Pokemon Go. The English accent drew a fair bit of attention too for some reason…#ILoveYourAccent

Mates - I was very fortunate to have such a close group of friends during my stay; they were really friendly, fun and made my experience all the more enjoyable. There are too many people to individually mention, but I made a lot of good friends I still keep in touch with. Most of these friends came from working at XL Sports World. I think it’s fair to say that I received a lot of ‘banter’ for my British roots, but elephant fan ‘Harry lad’ (fellow Brit) and I certainly gave as good as we got! Drinking games and hanging out with the likes of Justice, Wankathon Ian, Cheeky Keeky, Jesstice, Creechy, King Rusty, Coach Katy, Tommy Tuch, Syd the kid, Carlos Mohammed, McGinn, Daryl and big man Otto et al were always good value and lots of memories were made. I left them all supporting Ipswich Town and becoming experts at Sh*thead and Drenthe…#AlrightMate

Newspaper - After getting involved with the Richmond Kickers, I proceeded to write several match reports for the local newspaper: The Richmond Times-Dispatch. Being referred to as a special correspondent (!!), I covered games against teams such as Charlotte Independence, Bethlehem Steel and Louisville City, with my RTD front page on a thumping 4-0 Kickers win remaining my biggest achievement in journalism. I loved the challenge of writing for an American audience, using phrases such as cleats (boots), on frame (on target) and offsides (offside) with a hint of disapproval in my face… #SportSells

Opportunity - I am so very grateful for the whole opportunity. Ultimately, I grabbed this opportunity after working for the same company in England. My first involvement with XLSW was during a university placement that saw me lead American groups on sports tours around the UK…We visited places like Wembley and Wimbledon to mention a few, and my job was to show Americans the sights and take them from A to B. Sounds pretty cool, right? Well it’s a bit harder when you do it with a broken ankle..! Hard work and determination got me through that tour (I did get a first in that placement) and future opportunities rose from it as I was invited out to Virginia. XLSW now have bases in Florida, Maine, North Carolina, Georgia, and Pennsylvania. They, alongside soccer, are growing all of the time. #GoForIt

Patriotism - You wouldn’t believe how proud I felt to be British out there. I think I got the patriotic bug as Americans are so proud of their country and to ‘be American’. They love celebrating their country and indeed others’ as they go absolutely mental for St Patrick’s Day which is something we barely even celebrate in England! Thanksgiving and July 4 (Independence Day) are also massive and are just excuses to drink loads of beer and eat loads of food to be honest. England should have more days like that. ‘The Star Spangled Banner’ national anthem was absolutely everywhere! It seemed like it was sang at any excuse. From sporting occasions to the rodeo and NASCAR racing, every single American would standup, remove their hat, and belt out ‘the land of the free and the home of the brave’ very seriously! If you didn’t sing, or at least stand up, it was very frowned upon! Fortunately, Richmond possessed quite a large English and Scottish contigency out there, so that helped me keep sane! #StandUpIfYouLoveTheAmericans

Queen - Our Queen is a legend. Americans love her. We love her. What a woman. #GodSaveOurQueen

Richmond - Richmond is a cool place. Very artsy. Very cultural. It has a bit of everything. There are loads of great bars and places to eat. Richmond is definitely not shy of an event either, with half marathons, mud runs, live bands and gin festivals on every street corner. Soccer is growing all the time out there. You can watch more live football there than you can in England. It’s crazy and is probably why I loved my time there so much. #VirginiaIsForLovers

Skunks - Ahhhh, our Social Coed team consisting of all the lads and ladies in our friend group. What a team we were; I think we won the trophy four times! I’ll never forget my Skunks debut when I scored a ‘girl-goal’ (there is alternate scoring in Social Coed). Quite a few people laughed at that. We played good football, had a good team spirit, and drank loads of beer afterwards. Our girls, alongside a lot of other females that played at XL, were very decent by the way. I can see why the US are so dominant in the women’s game; they love it more than the blokes! I believe the Skunks have sadly dispersed now, but am also led to believe that my number 32 shirt has been retired in honour of my motoring arms and legs. #Champs.

As well as Social Coed, I played for several teams in the Men’s Open, which was a different ball game. I think I lost two or three ‘A’ finals with ‘Leicesterlona’, which was gutting as we had a great team who moved the ball well and rotated well. Conor Sammon’s (ex-Ipswich) best friend played for us as well! I never thought America would link me to the former Kilmarnock striker; football’s a funny old game! Underdogs Ian FC, captained by the inspirational Ian Robinson, also lost a final, in the ‘B’ division, after scoring three goals in the last two minutes of the semi-finals to spark absolutely wild scenes! I will never forget Marc Gohlke flopping around on the floor like a fish while trying to save a shot. Good times. I also need to mention that I scored five goals in an ‘A’ game once. #WillRigsOnFire.

https://www.facebook.com/will.ridgard/videos/vb.710673231/10153940691018232/?type=3

https://www.facebook.com/will.ridgard/videos/vb.710673231/10153907826768232/?type=3

https://www.facebook.com/will.ridgard/videos/vb.710673231/10153890752158232/?type=3

Travel - USA is one of the biggest countries in the world, so it would have been rude not to have done a bit of exploring. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to visit all 52 states, but I did manage to tick off Florida, Washington DC, and both the Carolinas. DC was amazing. I loved it. I saw all the sights, where the history of the US presidency is well-celebrated. Florida was hot. So hot. Lots of lovely beaches there, with the white sand squeaking with every footstep. I wouldn’t recommend getting stuck in Boston airport and sleeping on the floor though. That’s not so fun. #Explore

Uber - Uber is extremely popular out there and is pretty much used to and fro all parties. However, the Jamaican lads and I did get stung one night when an Uber cost us $300 for a 25-minute drive. We didn’t know whether to laugh or cry in the morning. I think that was my last Uber tbf. #AToB

Vote - I was in America the night of November 8, 2016 when Donald Trump was elected as the president of the United States of America! I was deported a day later. Lol. JK. I returned home a month later. It’s cool to say that I witnessed this significant piece of American history though. I sat up until the early hours with a six pack of Bold Rock and watched it all unfold. Virginia was 50-50 for the record…#DonaldTrumped

Weather - It was extreme. The humidity was relentless. The sun continuously baked.The rain was torrential. The thunderstorms were enthralling. The snow was extraordinary. I’d say Virginian summers saw temperatures average around 32 degrees celsius (90 fahrenheit). Florida was something else, I think it got up to 43 (110) at one point. Outrageous. The snow locked me inside my apartment for a whole week. My Elentra had to be rescued by a snow plough. Sadly, I never got to drive one. I absolutely loved the extreme thunderstorms. They were petrifying, but awesome to watch (especially with a beer on the balcony). #StormChasing

XL Sports World - XLSW was where I spent the majority of my time. My role was very varied and I enjoyed all of the challenging elements that went with it (mostly). I did a bit of coaching, which I really enjoyed. I did some marketing and PR work, and was especially prolific when co-promoting and setting-up our Open House project, pushing and driving our Youth programmes through. I wrote weekly newsletters which differed in content and I drove the social media to new levels. I managed the facility most evenings, checking teams in and co-deploying an effective payment system that was well-respected by teams, referees and players (eventually). I established excellent relationships with current and new customers - consistently attracting a host of new team$$, while maintaining current customers’ business. I scheduled league games (which is harder and more time-consuming than it sounds). I introduced cricket to XLSW. I ordered food. I pulled pints. I cooked food. I cleaned toilets. My role certainly varied and it was brilliant to do for just over a year. Social media is massive, but word of mouth is still the most effective news source there is and I think I did a lot for XLSW and their customers. It wasn’t all fun and games though. People moaned. Referees were abused. Fights occured. I had to call the police once. When it boils over, it boils over. It was uncomfortable at times. #PlayTheXLWay

Youngsters - My American adventure all started through the Summer Camps. For three months, alongside Daryl, I coached ‘soccer’ to hundreds of kids. It had its challenges and was extremely tiring, but I had a cracking time! There were some excellent players and some amazing kids. Some weren’t so good or nice, but, collectively, we all had a great summer coaching them. The Summer Camps certainly prompted me to work with children as you can have such a positive influence in their lives. #JustPlay

Zoo - Z is such an awkard letter, but Richmond has a zoo. I didn’t visit it, but I did think about it. It’s quite good apparently. Maybe next time. #ZooLander

So there you go. There is my A to Z analysis of my time in America. I do miss parts of it. I had a cracking time and it played a big part of my life and led me to where I am today.

Did I really live there though? I’m still no clearer…

#america #americanadventure #atoz #britsabroad #travel #explore #lifestyle #richmond #va #virginia #footballislife #summercamp #godsavethequeen #submission

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helloletstrythis · 6 years

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We Meet Again...

Hey friendz,

It’s been a while since we wrote to you.

But we’re back.

If you’ll have us....

Yeah?! Okay! Great! Let’s catch you up!

a LOT has happened in the last year.

I got married.

Lauren got married.

Wedding planning takes a LOT out of your time. Even if you’re like me and started off the process by being like.. “I don’t want to worry about the details. I just want to have a fun day and celebrate our love...” at the end of everything you end up like... “If my mom’s cousin doesn’t like the way we’ve arranged the flowers what are we even doing here??!!?”

It’s a shame that rom-coms don’t show a lot of those real life stressful wedding moments. And they try to make brides look like the worst people ever. Poor Katherine Heigel.

But honestly, Lauren’s wedding was a freakin’ blast. My husband and I had so much fun. Their wedding was two weeks before ours and it was a nice moment to just relax and not worry about our wedding for a second and have fun.

And my wedding was amazing. I was so stressed up until and through the rehearsal dinner. And then after a good(ish) night’s sleep. (I woke up at 6am cuz I was so excited.) I decided that I didn’t want to worry and I wanted to have fun. And I had so much fun. It’s so incredibly moving to see all your family and friends there to celebrate your marriage. Like.. What?? This is just me and my love. We love each other. And all these people here are excited and like traveled miles to drink champagne with us and be happy for us that we are happy and there’s a lot of happiness and hold on I’m crying again.

Right before our wedding my husband and I made another huge life decision. We packed up our tiny one bedroom apartment in Queens and we moved to Pittsburgh. We had been talking about moving to Pittsburgh for a while. And we considered other cities to move to as well, LA, Toronto, Boston, Orlando... But after being away from home for 10 years we were ready to be home with our families.

My family is in Pittsburgh, and my husband’s is in Ohio. So we are lucky that we are so close to everyone now.

How has the move been?

I could smile and nod my head and say what I say to people all the time which is... “It’s a big transition, but we’re loving it.”

That’s the log line of my life right now.

And it’s the truth!

But there’s a lot of details that lie in between those two things. Our jobs are not what we thought they’d be. We haven’t really made that many friends. We really miss our friends in NYC. I haven’t been doing or seeing comedy at all. Sometimes it feels like no one here really understands our senses of humor. I constantly feel like I’m saying... I’m joking. People are offended a lot easier outside of NYC. And I miss the hustle of NYC a lot. Being constantly motivated and feeling like every time you successfully leave your apartment you’ve at least accomplished something. I miss Seamless. And amazing food that could be delivered to your door at all times of the night. I miss Queens. I miss our apartment. It was small, and shitty, and the lady upstairs played the same movement of the same piece on the piano at 4 o’clock everyday for the entire year that we lived there, but it was a small thing that was ours.

But here on Sundays, we have dinner with my parents, and sometimes my aunt and uncle, or I get to see my nieces and nephews and for one brief shining moment I am in complete joy. And honestly, I wouldn’t trade that for a rent controlled apartment in the lower east side.

And you can breathe here. Sit on the deck and write and no one yells at you or tries to steal your purse. And I turned off email notifications on my phone. And driving is cool! We’re buying a car. And looking at houses. And really thinking about our future.

So.. it’s a big transition, but we’re loving it!

I spend a lot of time reminding myself what I’m working toward--the goals and the plans of my future. I often forget to enjoy the moment. I keep telling myself that this is a transition time period. But then I feel time slipping by and notice myself not noticing how I’m feeling or what’s really happening... It’s like Emily says in Our Town (Thorton Wilder)

“Do human beings ever realize life as they live it? Every--every minute?”

I read this the other day and it struck me more than it ever has before. And I’ve read it a thousand times.

I’m not doing that. I’m not realizing my life right now. I’m letting it pass me by. And look at Emily--she died! She died young. And she’s telling us... don’t let life pass you by. Don’t think of life as a transition.

It’s good to have goals. And to think about your future. And to go to work and remind yourself why you’re there. For your future. But there’s also something to be said for seeing where you are--even if it’s not quite where you want to be yet.

So this is commitment I’m making to myself. To see the world around me as it is. In the moment. To take note of the time that is inconspicuously flying by. And share it here with you.

Here’s me right now: What I’m eating: Too much fatty foods. I need to get them veggies and acai bowls back into my routine. Honestly, a lot of ham and cheese sandwiches and BBQ potato chips... What I’m wearing: My new Point Park sweatshirt my husband got me for my birthday. I love it because I’m really excited to be going back to school. (I’ll drop in more deets later.) And it was so thoughtful of him. And It’s so comfy. And I sort of feel like the West Wing cabinet crew when they work on a Saturday and have their YALE sweatshirts on. What I’m drinking: Gin. Who knew? But all of a sudden I love gin. Gin and Tonics. Bombay Sapphire. The bitter-er the better. Extra lime please. I think it makes me feel like a flapper in the 20s and I like that feeling right now. What I’m working on: The Masterclass with Aaron Sorkin. It’s an online class. It’s really cool and motivating. I love listening to the way he talks about his writing. Since he comes from an actor/musical theater background like me I feel like I really understand the way he talks about writing. And some things that have always been unclear to me just suddenly make sense. Also working on a few scripts that I just can’t get around to finishing. I hope that writing more consistently helps me push through. But I’m really not sure-- I feel like I’ve got the yips a little bit. What I’m watching: Not currently binging anything. But been picking up and watching LA to Vegas. It’s a cheese half hour network sitcom--which is so against my vibe lately--but I’m really into it. So I’m going with it. Also if I was still in college I would say that the girl in it is a good type to tell agents of who I am. Old habits die hard. What I’m worrying about: I mean, money always. And buying a car. It’s really weird to like all of a sudden need a car and not know anything about them and not really have talked about them with like coworkers and things for years. It’s gonna be fine I know. But I’m stressing. What I’m listening to: Cardi B’s new album. I listened to Get Up 10 the other day and had a visceral emotional reaction to it. Cardi B got up 10 and I will too. Flip side and flip mood--feeling a lot of Lana Del Rey lately. It’s almost summer--prime Lana time. Plus, every six months or so I really dream about California. I think about LA and the mountains and Disneyland and not wearing winter coats, and it’s the way I cheat on whatever city I’m living in. I love California. Hoping to get out there soon. Ways I’m treating myself: Sunday nights... husband watches Walking Dead, and I take a minute to myself. Right now I’m writing to you. But sometimes I work on other writing stuff. Or do a face mask. Or hopefully I’ll start running again soon. Also, buying a lot of coffee when I really don’t need to. It feels like a small luxury I can afford right now... and that makes me feel good inside. This was a long post, but I wanted to challenge myself to keep writing. Thanks for listening. Thanks for being patient. Thanks for being my friend.

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thenakedhusband · 6 years

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My Last Day at Moz. My First Day at SparkToro.

What’s Next?

Three things:

Of course, I’ll also be speaking at a number of events, blogging a lot more, and spending a lot of quality time on phone calls with state tax offices (because startup life is glamorous, yo!).

Are You Totally Done With Moz?

No Vacation?

Geraldine and I do have a short trip to Portugal planned with our dear friends, Wil and Nora, in late April. Maybe that kinda counts

A Massive Thank You to Nicci Herron

Five Tidbits of Advice

Thank you again to everyone who’s been so kind to me and to Moz. I hope that I can continue to return those favors and to help many more people do better marketing.

p.s. Moz is shutting off my old email address there; if you’d like to reach me in the future, drop a line to rand at sparktoro.com.

The post My Last Day at Moz. My First Day at SparkToro. appeared first on SparkToro.

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