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certifiedskywalker · 5 years

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Academic Misgivings (Part Ten) - Peter Parker

You and Peter Parker aren’t friends, but you’re not entirely enemies either. You don’t like him but he always tries to be nice to you. He has everything you’ve ever wanted and you’ll do anything to show him that you can make it on your own. But can you?

Things are looking up! The truth is out there and Y/N and Peter finally know where they stand with each other. But will this relationship last? Or will outside forces bring it crumbling down?

/ PART ONE / PART TWO / PART THREE / PART FOUR/PART FIVE / PART SIX / PART SEVEN / PART EIGHT / PART NINE

It felt like there was pure electricity in your veins. Every inch of you buzzed and hummed with a new sense of life. After Saturday, after you told Peter how you felt about him, your whole body thrummed in some Spring-like symphony. You barely registered Sunday when the Sun knocked on your windowsill.

You only got out of bed when your phone chirped with a text alert. In a flash, your covers were thrown to the side and your cold feet hit the floor in a matter of seconds. Your phone was charging on your dresser, it’s screen illuminated and reflected in the small mirror of your vanity. The sight of yourself, oddly, made you smile. Your lips were stuck in a smile, as they had been the moment Peter grabbed your hand. Silently you hoped that you would see yourself smile more.

Your phone chimed once more, ever impatient when it came to your attention. Although, you the alert that greeted you sent a flurry of all sorts of insects a buzz inside your stomach.

PETER: mornin :)

YOU: good morning

PETER: i told May about shopping

PETER: but she has a shift tonight so she cant

YOU: Oh, okay.

PETER: she can do Monday after school but we dont have to wait

You bit the inside of your cheek in a poor attempt at suppressing a grin. Eager to reply, your thumbs hovered over the keyboard of the texting app as you thought of your answer. Peter added to his last message both you could reply.

PETER: i mean it we would be getting to it late so the dresses and stuff might not be cool

PETER: but you would make any dress look cool

PETER: pretty, i mean.

PETER: sorry

PETER: i’m screwing this up

You beamed at the series of texts and shook your head. As you typed out a reply, you rocked back on forth on the heels, too happy to keep still.

YOU: You’re not screwing anything up, Pete. You’re being endearing

You waited for a beat and when Peter didn’t reply you wrote out another message.

YOU: It’s sweet and very cute

PETER: cute?

YOU: Yes, cute. :)

PETER: your cute too

YOU: You mean *you’re and thanks Pete

A laugh slipped past your lips. Loud giggling was a sound so foreign to you it sounded fake as your laugh echoed within the walls of your room.

PETER: wow ok i see how it is

PETER: call me cute then insult my grammar

YOU: Maybe…. :) and I don’t mind waiting until Monday. I could use May’s help with finding a dress.

PETER: your mom still isn’t home?

You felt your smile fall flat, but not entirely give into a frown. You had been so consumed with what had happened the night before you hadn’t been paying attention. During the night, you thought you heard a door slam but your mind was so lost in some fantasy you felt you had imagined it. Even if your mother was home, dress shopping would not be on top of her to-do list.

YOU: No. But May is more fashionable anyway.

PETER: ok, she’ll be happy to hear that

PETER: i gotta run, see you tomorrow?

YOU: Yes, you’ll see me tomorrow. We have school.

PETER: oh yeah :)

YOU: Go you goof

You set your phone back on the top of the dresser and left it to charge as you padded out of your bedroom. The apartment held a chill trapped in the air. One so strong you shivered and wished you had snagged your sweatshirt for the trip to the kitchen. Dirty dishes piled up in the sink, some bowls tucked in on the top looked freshly used. The next step you took creaked and a shuffling sound to your left made you jump.

On the couch, the crumpled form of your father laid on his side. One arm was completely extended, flailing off the edge of the cushions entirely. His mouth was pressed in a line and even in sleep, his jaw moved, tensed, working through some stress that haunted his dreams. Your mother was nowhere in sight. She hadn’t been for three years.

The euphoria that Peter’s texts had given curved down, off the high. You had been pitched off a cliff and back into reality. A reality where brilliant boys like Peter Parker did not mix with girls like you. Bravely, with Peter’s words repeated in your mind like a mantra, you pushed the doubt away. He wouldn’t care about your family, about their flaws; Peter accepted everyone, helped everyone. He would stick by you.

Quietly, you back over to the couch and plucked the blanket from off the back of it. With a tenderness you remembered from your childhood, you rested the thick blanket over your father's sleeping form.

“Sorr-ry…” he whispered, his body shuddering as he spoke. You pressed your lips together to keep from making a sound. Whatever dream he was having was not a good one. It felt more and more like worst fears and nightmares ran in the family.

You remembered times of his smiling face. Trips to the zoo to marvel at dozing lions and laugh at funny the penguins looked when they waddled. His smile had faded, alongside his presence after aliens fell from the sky and destroyed the home he had built for you and your mother. Now he worked day in and day out, with Sunday and Monday mornings off every other month to make sure you both had enough to eat. When you mother had left, he barely spoke. He wouldn’t smile anymore, ask you how your day was and that was all. It was like living with a ghost sometimes, a haunted, weary soul.

Tiptoeing, you crept back down the hall and into your room. It was best to leave him to rest. Plus, you had studying to do. Your books laid on your small oak desk with book covers taunting you as you took a seat in your rickety desk chair. A sigh passed over your lips as you grabbed The Great Gatsby. Hopefully, you could stay focused and keep your thoughts about Monday at the side.

As you ducked into the books’ pages you realized, that would simply be impossible.

Sunday had dragged with little excitement. You had spent the day studying or trying to study at the very least. Too many ideas and hypothetical scenarios about Monday swirled about you, pestered you as you moved through the day. Your father had left for work soon after you had seen him. An all-day shift at a grocery store outside of Queens took him away and left you to your own devices. Although your mind was too lost in thought too much of anything productive.

Even as you eagerly tucked yourself into bed as the Sunday sunset, your brain still worked. You thought of Peter as you and May studied fictitious dresses. His lazy smile when he would see you in a dress for the first time. Would May be able to tell that you were both something more? Had Peter already told her?

The steady flow of worrying questions turned into a somewhat tumultuous lullaby as you drifted in and out of sleep. A hybrid of dream and nightmare gave you what you wanted only to take it away. Peter’s face with a smile then a frown as his figure faded from your sleep-vision. Needless to say, sleep did not come easy. If it did, it didn’t stay long as you woke up a few times during the night.

When you woke for the last time, with the sound of your alarm ringing in your ears. Like a ghost, the shrill haunted you as you got ready for the day. Your walk to school was one of belly aching excitements. You were going to see Peter after you told him that you liked him. He liked you too. It all felt like a dream, some horrible trick; but it was real.

It was as real as Peter as he leaned against the lockers near your own. His lips were pressed in a line, brown eyes searching the faces of all who passed by. Peter was looking for you. The smile that spread across your features must have acted as some sort of beacon or maybe your heart was hammering louder than you thought because Peter met your gaze in an instant. A soft smile and the scent of Peter’s cologne greeted you as you walked to your locker.

“Hi,” he breathed out as if the word had been waiting for its appearance as well as your own. You felt heat rush up your neck and curl like wisps of smoke in your cheeks.

“Hi,” you returned, “you waited?” Peter’s expression shifted from relaxed to shuffling and stuttering. His arms crossed and uncrossed in record time.

“I did but I...if you don’t like it...I thought it would be nice.” Pink kissed the tips of his ears and you smiled at the sight.

“It is nice.” You lifted a hand and brushed it against his arm. The touch shocked you, literally and metaphorically. A zap of static zipped up your fingers and you felt your heart melted into a puddle of a surprise when Peter leaned into the touch.

“Ok, I’ll do it again then,” Peter said with a calm smile on his face. You nodded before you turned your attention to the lock. As you entered your combination, Peter pressed the side of his head against the neighboring locker. When you snuck a glance at him, you saw that he was already staring at you.

“Hi,” you murmured again in the hopes of deterring your growing bashfulness

“Hi,” he repeated and you let out a shy giggle. “Oh, and should we meet here after school?”

“We can, yeah,” you said as you opened your locker. You plucked your math textbook from the dark depths before you shut the metal door with a clang. Peter’s brown eyes studied your face and you gave him a soft smile. “What?”

“Is it weird now?”

“What is it?”

“Us,” Peter admitted. “I mean, I like you and you like me so it’s not weird but it kind of feels that way, right? Maybe it’s just ‘cause I haven’t-”

“Pete,” you rested a hand on his cheek, something you had wanted to do since you realized you had feelings for him. “It’s not weird, you’re being weird.”

He let out a laugh and you grinned at the sound. “Am I?”

“No, but I get what you’re saying,” you let your hand fall from his cheek. While the action was new, it felt right; it felt natural. “But the circumstances were weird. It’s not every day a tutor and a tutee gets together.”

“Tutee?” Peter raised a brow at you with a grin splayed out on his features.

“The person being tutored,” you explained. You paused before sighing, “you think it’s a funny word.”

“I don’t think it is a word,” Peter said through a laugh.

“Well...it is now,” you took a step away from your locker and out into the current of the hallway. Students marched to and fro, getting ready for first period as the clock ticked down the seconds.

“Y/N, what about proper grammar conventions?” Peter teased as he fell into step at your side. You let out a huff but your amusement was clear on your face.

“Maybe this was a mistake,” you pondered aloud and you heard Peter stifle a laugh.

“Our mistake, though. A good mistake.” As Peter spoke, his knuckles brushed against yours. The entire world melted away until all that remained was you and Peter. Your fingers splayed and reached for his. When you pinkie knocked against his, you curled yours around it.

You heard Peter hum something but you were too lost in this new reality to totally hear it. Mindlessly, your feet carried you through the hall with Peter at your side. He spoke up again but your world was still so fuzzy. You kept walking until you saw a figure sulking towards you and Peter, headed straight towards you.

“Y/N? Why is MJ looking at you like that?” Peter’s questions finally broke through as the rose-colored lenses lifted from your eyes. MJ’s dark eyes were glued on you as she pushed her way through the hallway. It didn’t look as if she were angry but slightly panicked. The mild annoyance in her face was always there.

“I-I-”

“Y/N,” MJ stopped right in front of you and Peter.

“Hi, MJ,” Peter chirped. She sent a look his way, something entirely unreadable.

“Peter,” she turned her gaze back to you, “I ran into Flash.”

“Oh?” You furrowed your brows in confusion. However, your befuddlement did nothing to quell the sudden and furious storm of dread brewing in your stomach. Flash.

“He asked if I had seen you or if we had a class together.” You untangled Peter’s pinkie from your own and you felt the air drop around you.

“Why?”

“I don’t know, I just told him to shut up and he told me he had a surprise for you.”

“What does that mean?” Peter asked, cutting through the conversation. You looked at him and saw his jaw was tensed. Was he jealous? He turned his gaze to you and, instead of anger, you saw concern. “What does he mean?”

“I don’t kno-”

A high pitched whine pierced through the air, out from the intercoms that lines the walls of the hallway. Students stopped shuffling at the sound, waiting for whatever early-morning announcement couldn’t wait until school had actually begun. Crackling on the end of the microphone broke the whine and someone cleared their throat.

“Midtown High, I have a special announcement from our very own Y/N L/N. You may think that aliens are the true villains or maybe that Spiderman is the true menace, but it seems Y/N has been the darkness in our midst all along.”

“Who is that?” Someone asked but you knew. It was Flash. Whatever voice modulator he was using could not hide the goblin quality of his voice from you. You glanced in the direction of the voice that asked the question and saw a few people from your history class. With widened eyes, they stared at you, waiting for whatever villainous message Flash had planned to share.

“What does that mean?” Peter’s voice pulled you back to yourself. You grabbed his hand and his brown eyes met your gaze. It hit you all at once. Flash was going to tell them about Peter, about how you both had schemed to ruin him.

“Peter, I have to tell you something,” you gushed. You had to beat Flash to it, tell your side of the story before he got the chance. “Before this, before I got to-”

“I..want Peter off the team ...I'm...using Peter. ...leave me alone...Peter ...entitled piece of shit.” Your voice with gravel quality rang out over the speaker, but it wasn’t your voice. It was too low, too edited and pieced together. It almost sounded mechanic but the words spoken were your own. Your stomach dropped. The phone call on Saturday, Flash’s threat….

A profound silence filled the hallway as the speaker cut off. An echo, your own heartbeat pounded in your ears. With a simple audio trick, Flash had ripped a hole in the hope you had built for yourself. You felt your limbs grow cold and numb with the realization. The whole school had heard.

“Y/N, “Why didn’t you tell me?” Peter’s voice broke the glass that had gathered around you and the vacuum of silence stopped whirring in your ears. The happiness you had held, in the shape of Peter’s hand, slipped from your grasp. His brown eyes were squinted but it didn’t stop the welling tears as they threatened to spill over. “Y/N?”

“I…” You took a step back away from Peter. His brows were knitted together in confusion and you felt bile rise up in your throat.

“Y/N, is this...did you...a lie?”

“N-No, Peter, it’s not...it’s not like that.”

“But it was? This whole time?” His voice cracked and you imagined it was nothing compared to the shattered pieces of his heart.

“No…” you whimpered, your voice failing you. “No, Pete it…” Eyes. All the eyes in the vicinity were glued on you and Peter. The Shakespearean drama unfolding in the middle of the hallway had captured everyone’s attention. Your throat was closing with panic, making so you could only choke out the next few words. “I-I’m sorry.”

You turned around and ran down the hall, as far away as you could from Peter Parker.

Your feet carried you out of the school, wove through the crowd amassing at the entrance as the bell rang. By the time you made it down the block, your chest was heaving. You hadn’t run that fast in a long time and it didn’t help that a series of silent sobs racked your form. To catch your breath, you slumped against a brick wall of a storefront for support. People, much too busy to wonder what you were doing out of school, passed you by with cups of coffee clutched tightly in their hands.

You looked up from the passersby and across the street. The slightly yellowed lights of the coffee shop’s interior shown through the front window. The tables lining the windowsill were empty, letting the glow shine out in the still brightening sky. Golden edges of the horizon stood out against the dark blue of morning.

A sudden hunger overwhelmed with sharp stomach pain. You hadn’t eaten breakfast, too eager to see Peter to spend a minute longer in your apartment. Now, you felt too nauseous to eat despite the pang of hunger. What you wanted was a place to be alone.

You crossed the way, barely caring to look either way down the street. A car honked as you darted along the road but you were too consumed with wiping the evidence of tears off of your face. When you felt satisfied with your effort, you pulled open the door of the coffee shop. The heat of brewing javas and the smell of freshly baked cookies welcomed you with a warmth that, in the present moment, you felt you didn’t deserve.

“Hey, you! My favorite customer!” A soft voice greeted you from behind the counter although, at first glance, you didn’t recognize the face accompanying it. At least not the hair. “Oh, yeah, changed it up a little,” the perky barista explained as she pinched a few strands of her now blue hair between her fingers. “Got tired of the pink.”

“It looks nice,” you sniffle as you speak, eyes glancing over the menu. “Any new teas?”

“We have a cinnamon apple tea,” she said with a smile, “it’s like apple cider but not as tart, ya know.” You nodded and gave her a half-hearted smile. She returned the expression, mirrored the sadness that you knew was much too readable in your red-rimmed eyes.

“I’ll take one of those then.” You sniffled again as you pulled out a few dollar bills to pay. The brightly colored barista hit a few buttons on the cash register and recited the order.

“So one apple cinnamon tea and one fresh snickerdoodle cookie,” she said pleased. She looked up at you with a smile, even as your eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“I didn’t order a-”

“You look like you need one,” she said and tipped her head at your eyes. She handed you a tissue from the counter, “and it’s on the house. Don’t worry about it.”

“Thank you, I don’t know what to say,” you gushed, overwhelmed by the kindness. You were only used to Peter being so kind. When the rest of your life had been lonely it felt like every good thing someone did for you was a treasure.

“You don’t have to say a thing. It’ll be right out.”

It felt like a mere few minutes had passed before a warm cup of tea and baked cookie were in your hands. With another series of ‘thank yous’ said to the barista, you made your way to the table tucked in the far corner. As you waited for your tea to cool down enough to drink, you picked at the snickerdoodle. You broke off pieces of it to eat, weary that if you ate it too fast it might not stay down.

When you had worked through half of the delicious snack, you looked up. The empty seat across from you seemed to echo. If you listened hard enough, strained your ears to the point of lightheadedness, you could almost hear Peter’s laugh. It was the same laugh that he showed whenever you made an inadvertent joke or mocked the sentence structure of a decathlon practice question. That laugh was not the same as the little chuckle Peter gave you when you teased him.

Part of you cringed at the thought. There had been a point where you had meant the words you teased him with. At some point, you had told yourself you hated Peter. How could you have done that without knowing him? Had you jealousy been that deep?

Obviously it had been, you thought to yourself bitterly. You had willing teamed up with Flash, that was how deeply your envy had been. Now, through some twisted sense of fate and Peter’s charm, all you felt was shame. Shame and sadness seemed to come hand-in-hand. With the regret came tears, tears that cascaded down your cheeks and on the napkin placed before you.

You wanted to blame it all on Flash. He had turned green with envy whereas you had grown. Grown to like Peter, more than you ever thought was possible. Flash had ruined it, manipulated words, the only tool you had and made sure he was right in the end: Peter wouldn’t sick with you now. Only the pain in his face as your voice, but not truly yourself, spoke over the speakers and told a stale truth.

Your heart began to pound as reality set in fully. Nothing would be the same now. Whatever you and Peter had started, shared with each other, would flatline. There was no longer a pulse left in that relationship and it was your fault. All you could do was apologize, try to tell him how things had changed when you got to know him better.

Deep in your heart, you felt like you need Peter. Through him, through learning about him you learned more about yourself. Through liking him, you learned to like yourself. Now it felt like you were free-falling. The foothold Peter had made for you both had broken under the weight of past mistakes. You couldn’t fix it, so you would have to learn to be okay on your own.

And the coffee shop didn’t feel like the right place to start. Too many memories of Peter haunted the place, times when you felt like the best person you could be. You needed to tap into that person, that version of you, without the ghost of Peter helping you. You needed to be with yourself.

So, after you finished your cookie and tea, you thanked the barista one last time. It was noon by the time you had felt, time seemed to have sped up in your panicked state. With traffic somewhat calmed, you were able to cross the street without cars honking in distress this time. The path your house was peppered with browned leaves carried in on the breeze. Autumn’s end was near, sharp and sudden as the end of bare branches.

It would have surprised you if snow were to fall as you unlocked the gate to your apartment building. Instead of thinking about how you and Peter had said a heartfelt ‘goodbye’ in the spot you stood in just a few days ago, you thought about the impending Winter. Maybe you could convince your parents to go to your cousin’s place for the holiday season so you weren’t locked away in your room like last Winter break. It would be an unexpected trip but you couldn’t stand the thought of being home alone for two weeks.

What was also unexpected was the sight of your father when you opened the door to the apartment. He looked just as tired as he did Sunday, but he was cleaning the kitchen. Cleared plates and shining utensils were sat out on the drying rack. When you the door closed behind you, your father looked up.

“School?”

“I-I…” your stomach twisted, “I wasn’t feeling well. Can you...you call me in sick?” Your father’s brows scrunched together but he nodded nonetheless.

“Y-Yeah, you...you alright?” There was a softness in his voice, the type of concern a father should have for his daughter. How long had it been since you had heard him speak like that? He had been gone off on work trips, struggling to make ends meet and all the while hoping that your mother would come back. Yet, it seemed, he had a bit of softness saved for you. And that broke your heart.

“N-No….” Tears fell from your eyes before you had the chance to stop them. They blurred your vision until the home you had known for the past seven years was turned into muddled shapes. You relied solely on sound. So when, instead of asking about what had happened, you heard the footsteps of your father’s work boots against the floorboards, you were shocked. More so when two warm arms wrapped around you and your backpack to pull you to his chest.

Sobs racked your frame, so loud that your cries seemed to echo through the apartment. Despite the sound, you heard your father’s voice. “I wish I could fix it.”

“Y-you can’t,” you hiccuped. You felt his arms tighten around you as if holding you together was all he could do. In that moment, it was all you needed.

You didn’t remember falling asleep or how you got in bed in the first place. The note on your nightstand scrawled out in rough script from your father told you what you needed to know.

Called into the school. You should get some rest, honey. Feel better.

-Dad

You set the note back down and sat back up against your headboard. Fresh from sleep, your eyes were still clouded lost in the haze of slumber that called out to you to return. The moment the darkness behind your eyelids welcomed you back, an image of Peter smiling entered your mind’s eye. Crinkles by his eyes and the wide grin made your heartache.

Your eyes flew open and you scrambled to your nightstand again. In a mad, groggy search, you looked for your phone. Your fingertips traced the smoothed wood of the side table and found no trace of it. With a sudden rush of mild panic, you got up from your bed. The fabric of your worn, blue backpack poked out from under your desk chair.

With the knowledge it was the last place you had it and pure hope, you kneeled in front of your bag and rummaged through the pockets. Your hands brushed against folders and paper in your quest. The familiar feeling of earbud wires tangled between your fingers gave you a rush of relief. Pulling gently on the wires, you lifted it out of your backpack. Still plugged into the port, your earbuds suspended your phone before your eyes.

“Shit,” you whispered to yourself as you unplugged your earbuds. The screen of your phone illuminated with text notifications. One from MJ asked where you had gone while the message from her gave you details on what you missed during English class. You had even received a message from Ned who, after telling you that it was him, told you that he hadn’t seen Peter and that he had heard about what had happened. There was nothing from Peter himself.

You finally unlocked your phone and scrolled through your contacts. It didn’t take long until you found Peter’s name littered among those of people you no longer spoke to. His contact picture was an open book, a picture you had taken during a tutoring session instead of asking for one from him. Now, looking at it, you wished you had.

Without wasting another moment on regret you hit the dial button and pressed your phone to your ear. The dull, repetitive ringing had you biting on the inside of your cheek nervously. Pick up, please, please pick up.

“Hi, it’s Peter….” His voice, animated, almost happy, answered a twisted sense of happiness flooded through you, even if it was short-lived. You had to tell him you were sorry.

“Pete, it’s me. I-I-”

“And I can’t get to the phone right now because uh...I’m busy? I guess? You can leave a message though. I don’t really know what else to-” A loud ‘beep’ stopped the automated message. Tears welled in your eyes at the sound before you found the courage to speak up.

“I know I’m the last person you want to hear from but I need to talk to you. I need to explain so you don’t think…” you paused and sighed. You should have written it down, planned out what you were going to say. It was too late now. “I’m sorry, Pete. You know I’m not...I’m not the best person, I sure wasn’t before we started talking. But with you, I feel like I can be a better person. I hope...I hope you can see that. I’m sorry.”

Your phone fell away from your ear as you pressed the ‘hang up’ button displayed on the screen. As you did, another text alert popped up. The number matched Ned’s and you tapped the notification.

NED: um, I don’t want to worry you or stress you out more than you probably already are but I still can’t find Peter.

NED: he normally tells me when he’s gonna go out but he didn’t and May doesn’t know where he is either. have you heard from him?

YOU: I gave him a call. He didn’t answer.

NED: okay, thanks.

NED: and, Y/N, don’t worry, he’ll come around.

You didn’t have the strength to thank Ned or ask how he even got your number. Instead, you peeked into your backpack again to find a notebook and a pen. Peter was gone, probably angry and upset. The thought filled you with worry.

Your eyelids grew heavy at you wrote out four simple words. On shaking legs, you stood from your spot and strode over to the window of your bedroom. Carefully, you leaned the notebook against the glass so it could easily be seen:

Spiderman, I need you.

Bitterly pleased with your handy work, you strode over to you bed and collapsed once more.

The light tapping of rain against your window slowly coaxed you from your slumber. Slowly, you sat up from your bed and hit the button on your phone to catch the time. It was ten o'clock at night meaning the dance tomorrow was merely sixteen hours away. The calculations in your head made you feel sick with dread and sleep.

The steady tap against your window pulled you out of your own mind. In the small second of peace, you let your thoughts drift again. That was, until, the pattering at your wind intensified. You shot up from your bed and you feet hit the floor. Blindly, you swung your hand towards the lamp on your nightstand and flicked it on.

Two white eyes of a familiar red mask came into the light. A gloved hand waved on the other side of the glass as you threw yourself off of your bed. Your bare feet padded against the carpet of your bedroom floor as you neared the window. You weren’t entirely sure if your lack of pure shock was from the lingering haze of sleep or the fact you had seen Spiderman before. There wasn’t much thought to give it before you opened the window.

“You got my message,” you whisper as you poke you head out of your window. Your teeth clattered as a gust of night air swirled into your room. “Are you cold?”

“I, no, I’m okay. You’re lucky I was swinging around.” He said, his voice not as low as the last time you saw him. Something about the pitch was familiar, so familiar in fact it gave you goosebumps. Or was that just the cold?

Now was not the time to dwell. “I….I need help...”

The blank eyes of the mask stared at you in wait. Quiet oozed between you and you remember Spiderman being more talkative before. More confident, even. Perhaps it had been an off day for him too.

“His name is Peter, Peter Parker, you might know him. He works with Iron Man and he...I messed up. I don’t know where he is he won’t answer his calls and his friends can’t reach him either. Can you...do you find people?”

“That’s more of a Jessica Jones’ thing.” Your brows furrowed at the snappy tone and you opened your mouth slightly in shock.

“But can you help?”

“Why do you want to find him?”

“Because he’s missing!” You yell in a whisper. You threw your arms up in the air but Spiderman only cocked his head to the side like a confused puppy. Or perhaps a dog too wise for his own good.

“Just because of that?” Angry bubbled up inside you, spread flames from your stomach up to your chest; but your resolve turned to ash in your mouth. All you wanted was to know Peter was okay.

“I...I need to tell him that I’m sorry, that I-I...” The words got caught in your throat. Why were you telling a total stranger about this? A masked stranger at that. You were desperate...that was why.

“Tell him what?”

“That what I did, what I wanted, it’s different now.” Spiderman fell quiet and you felt it was due to the lack of context. But you were too tired to explain so you continued. “ I need to tell him that...well the voicemail I left him already covers most of it…”

“So he’ll call you back when he’s ready.” The superhero’s curtness was not something you had expected. Yet, despite the tone, you knew he was right. Peter would speak up when he was ready. There was no point in worrying until then. If he truly went missing, you were sure you would have felt it. With all that had happened, Peter probably ran off as you had.

“Yeah, sorry for bothering you. You’re probably busy.” Spiderman only nodded in reply and got up from his crouched position. As quiet as a shadow, you watched as he leaped on the fire escape railing and readied to jump off. When he lingered, you quirked a brow at him. Almost as if he sensed your change in expression, he craned his neck to look back at you.

“Do you...do you care about him?”

“Yes,” you said without missing a beat. “More than anything. He’s my closest friend and I….” The words teetered on the tip of your tongue but you bit them back. If you went too far you could never make it back. Spiderman nodded; sometimes there was no need for words to explain the most complex of feelings. All you had to do was look at someone’s face and just know.

“Then you can trust him to come around, Y/N.” With that, Spiderman lept and webbed away in a matter of a few seconds. You watched as the bright reds and blues of his suit faded into the haze of the light-polluted city. With your chin balanced on your elbow, you rested your head against the frame of the window. The white paint of its surface was chipped and had flaked off due to weathering over the years.

You too had lost parts of yourself as you had gotten older. Childhood memories felt more like an old movie now, one that you used to know the lines to but had since forgotten. When Peter asked you to tutor him, unknowingly, he had given you a chance at a starring role in a movie that promised a happy ending. So why did it feel like the reel had been cut short?

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jwnbwnjwn · 3 years

Text

Entry 8 (12.20.2020)

Well, it’s been a while since I’ve posted an entry on here. My last one was back in September, and man a lot has happened since. First off, My sleeping schedule has been messed up for the past couple of days, and in a bit I’ll get to why. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it in any of the last posts but, if I didn’t then my goal for the last couple of months has been to get on a (keto) diet and lose some weight, and I’m here to tell you I still haven’t, I haven’t even stuck to a diet for that matter. The only diet I’ve had has consisted of take out and midnight snacks. Anyways, now let’s get down to business. I went ahead and read my latest blog post before this and I laughed at the fact that I said I was starting a diet, yeah that never happened. Im happily at 160 lbs at the moment (not really happy about it but oh well).

I mean covid-19 is still going on, its kinda spiking then calming down, spiking again, and its just this whole repeating situation. Everyone's still wearing and masks and doing everything to be safe, although I think my towns cases are starting to go down. It is around Christmas time so they’re starting to decorate everything, all the parks and stuff; so hopefully that doesn't spike the numbers up again. When going out though I still have to be careful, I can’t catch covid and give it to my loved ones, and I would rather not make history and get sick.

I guess I should start here. I wish my life was still the same as it was during my last entry. I really do. I wouldn’t have known what I do now and I would’ve just been at peace, happily living my life and struggling with school. I ended up getting a D in that biology course, and dropping that math and history course. Yeah, it was a pretty shitty school year tbh. I’ve never been that lazy and unmotivated when it comes to school but man, this fall year really took a toll on me because I legit did nothing all year. In result of it, my gpa went to absolute shit and down to a 2.8. I now gotta make that up during the summer and try to get it as high as i possibly can. I just finished my second fall semester so I’ve been on Christmas break for about a week now, but honestly this break feels so lazy and gross. I am reading my last entry to see what I can catch everyone up on, as things have changed drastically. I mean my friendships are still fine, I still keep in contact with seatbelt and ice and maria. I keep in contact with them almost daily honestly. About my relationship, thats where I wish things were the way they were three months ago. Without going over too much detail, a girl reached out to me and let me know her boyfriend and Mr. were trading girls nudes again. Honestly hearing this a second time broke my heart, but I really didnt have much of a reaction to it. It hurts every here and there, but I guess im forcing myself to open my heart and forgive and forget so I can go ahead and move on already. Mr. and I are in a certain situation trying to avoid law enf*rc*m*nt so things have been kind of hard recently. He’s been seeing me many times this week just because of the fear itself that one day might be his last time to see me, but I think things are starting to cool down with our/his situation, so hopefully he’s not walking on eggshells too longer, because seeing him worried makes me worried and vice versa. He’s looking into going to therapy and having a closer relationship between him and god, in order to get rid of his old ways and make himself into the better person he needs to become. I can’t really get into details about the situation on here as it legit would be the most dumbest thing I could possibly do, but in result of getting closure about it, he told me he was planning on purposing in the near future, like before 2021 is over - but then he had to go fuck it up and put that on hold. After talking about it we’re going to have to attend counseling once again, but in hopes of fixing our relationship and getting closer again. I love him a lot, I do, but man he is one dumb ass person. I really hope and pray he gets his stuff together, because I really do want to spend the rest of my life with him. I mean, I guess we’re kind of in an awkward part in our relationship, but its honestly because of the situation we’re in, so we just have to work through this and rebuild the trust he ruined. I know he’s going to be going to individual counseling for sure, but I have a feeling that’s just going to turn into couples counseling the way it happened the first time. I hope I can get myself to go into counseling for myself as well, because man, I really do want to work through these issues I have deep down inside of me, but I can’t find the courage I need at the moment - maybe after all of this is done I will. Mr.’s dad is still really sick, but im still praying to god and the heavens above he gets better. I’ve been talking to my dad a lot and my relationship has been improving, while my moms and I’s is kind of going backwards slowly. About those two discord friends, I dont know why I put “crunch” as one of them. I forgot what his first nickname was, but I know it wasn crunch. I mean his name is cesar, so i guess i got mixed up lol but yeah i’m not friends with c*sar and shr*mp anymore. I mean I got really close with him, and I did consider im an important person in my life, until one day I logged onto Discord to see he kicked me out of the server and blocked me, which eventually resulted in everyone from the server blocking me and deleting me off roblox so, I pretty much had no say in it. There wasn't even a reason TO block me, I legit just logged on randomly and was blocked. Although I found out through someone else who was also in the server before he himself blocked me that apparently I was jealous of shr*mp and I guess calling c*sar manipulative got him upset and thinking so he blocked me lmao. Anyways, because of this I dont really play Roblox that often anymore, but instead I watch anime now. Currently waiting on AOT’s new episode releasing today so, thats something exciting to look forward to. I cant wait for christmas just so i can see the look on my siblings face when they see what I got them lol. I also got Mr. a chain bracelet, so I hope he likes it and actally wears it. There’s not really much else except being on eggshells with Mr. and wasting my life away. I’ll keep you guys updated. I’ll try to post on here more often.

Ended this at 12.20.2020 at 8:27 AM

-jen

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ladyofmercy · 4 years

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The War || Samcedes

Who: 10 year old Mercedes Jones and Sam Evans with Courtney Holland and James Matthews

What: Sam and Mercedes have a falling out when they each make new friends.

Where: School and Home

Notes: None

@thelegendevans

Sam was always happy to see Mercedes. She was his best friend in the whole world. He smiled at how excited Mercedes was but the smile faded when he met her new friend Courtney. Mercedes was his friend, and he didn't like how excited she was about Courtney. So he put on a fake smile. "That's nice Mercedes. My dad bought me a new Mario Kart game for my Nintendo. You want to come over after school to play?"

Mercedes nodded. “She has a pool too!” Mercedes said knowing Sam had to be impressed with that. “Mario Kart? Yes! Can Courtney come too?” She asked oblivious too Sam not being happy.

Her having a pool was cool, but Sam didn't want to admit that to Mercedes. Sam didn't want Courtney to come. But he didn't want to hurt Mercedes’s feelings when she was so obviously happy about a new friend. Why did Mercedes need a new friend anyway? "I only have two controllers though."

Mercedes shrugged. “You guys can play and I can watch. I know how to share, momma said I was the best at it. Let me go ask her if she can come over your place!” She said turning to leave but stopped. “Also she gonna sit with us on the bus!” Mercedes said happily. “

"But three people sharing a seat is crowded." Sam shouted at Mercedes, but she was already running off to Courtney. Sam turned around and sat on the curb waiting for recess to be over. He didn't like this new feeling of being replaced.

After school, Sam got on the bus and went to the seat that he and Mercedes always sat. He sat on the end so she can have the window seat. Normally they arrived at the same time, but today he got there first and looked eagerly down the aisle for her.

Mercedes and Courtney chatted away as they got to the bus. Mercedes and Courtney seemed to have a lot in common and she liked that about them. As they got on the bus, Mercedes lead them to Sam. "Sammy guess what? Courtney's mom is gonna take us to the Zoo. Sammy scoot over." She said sitting on the seat so Courtney could sit across from her. As they sat down, Mercedes bounced in her seat.

Sam's smile faded when Mercedes said they were going to the zoo. "I thought you were coming over to play Mario Kart." Sam slid over and couldn't help but think that things were changing between them and he didn't like that feeling one bit.

Mercedes nodded. “We are just tomorrow maybe… you can come too Courtney said her mom said we all could go as long as our moms said it was okay.” She turned to look at Sam and smiled brightly. “So we can ask as soon as we get home.”

"Oh, I forgot that me and my dad were going to throw the football around today after school. But have fun at the zoo." Sam turned so he could stare out the window.

Mercedes watched Sam but nodded looking back at Courtney. Sam was acting weird, she just didn’t know why. As they made it to their bus stop she grabbed Sam’s hand as she always did and pulled him off the bus with Courtney following them. “Courtney I am gonna go ask my mom right now and I will come right over.” She said pulled Sam towards their houses. “Sam, you sure you don’t wanna come? We get to get slushies.”

Sam wanted to go because he loved the zoo, but he wasn't in the best of moods and didn't want to bring everyone down. "I'm sure. Have fun for us both. Bye Mercedes." Without waiting for a response, Sam went into his house and went straight into his room to play video games. He needed a distraction.

________________________________________________________________

Mercedes walked over to Sam's desk with the picture she made. Art wasn’t her favorite subject but she was proud of her canvas. She made flowers and a blue sky. Plus a lot of green, Sam’s favorite color. “Sammy look at my picture I think its the best one yet.” She said holding it up.

Sam was drawing the Animaniacs, one of his favorite cartoon characters when Mercedes showed him her picture. “You draw really good Cedes. I really like the flowers. You should add some cows so they are munching on the grass.” Sam still felt worried that Mercedes was replacing him, but he wasn’t going to show her that. And besides, he really did like her drawing. “How was the zoo?”

Mercedes laughed. "Cows? I can’t draw cows." She placed her paper down. "It was awesome, we are going to the Fort after School," The for was Mercedes treehouse. No one but she and Sam had ever been there.

“Drawing Cows is easy. I can show you if you want, or draw them for you.” Sam’s eyes bulged when she said she was taking Courtney to the Fort. That was their special spot. “But you just met her. Are you sure she’s worthy of the fort?”

"Maybe show me later?" Mercedes nodded. "She is! You should come too and help me show her so we all can be friends!" She asked hopefully.

Sam’s eyes dropped to his drawing in front of him. “How do you like my picture? I drew the Animaniacs. One of my favorite cartoons.” Sam hoped that she wouldn’t mind him changing the subject.

She looked at it. "It’s awesome but Sam you draw real good anyways." She put his picture down. "Are you gonna come to the fort?"

Sam knew better than to think that she would just drop it. “I don’t know. If you want me to come then I will.” Sam went back to his drawing. Maybe he should give this girl a chance.

"Of course I want you too she's my best friend now too." Mercedes sat next to him. "Oh and guess what? Her dad is taking us to Disney on ice!"

That was it. Sam was not happy. Mercedes was his friend. Ever since Courtney came, it's like Mercedes forgot about him. "I can't. I promised to spend more time with Stevie and Stacy. Have fun." Sam got and began preparing to go home.

Mercedes frowned. "Sam why can't you play with them later?" She watches him gather his things, and the teacher calls for her to do the same. "We will talk on the bus." She said turning. As she walked away, someone bumped her. Seeing it was James she frowned. "Watchout!" James just shrugged and kept moving. Mercedes sighed going back to her desk.

Sam didn't want to talk about anymore. He needed a new friend since Mercedes had one. He knew he couldn't replace her but at least he could keep busy with someone else. He saw James stick his tongue out a Mercedes when her back was turned, and figured he could be a good friend. He walked up to James and smiled. "Do you like video games?" James looked at him and nodded. "Great! You're my new best friend!" James shrugged. "Okay." Sam beamed. "Good! Sit with me on the bus?" James nodded. "Ok." They both lined up and when they got on the bus, Sam sat in the seat that him and Mercedes usually sit and James sat next to him. Sam felt good about this.

Mercedes watched Sam lined up, she knew something was bothering him, she just didn't know what it was, so she figured they could talk about it on the bus. As she made her way to her seat, she frowned seeing James in her seat. Moving towards it she folded her arms. "That's my seat! You gotta move!"

Sam was telling James all about his games when Mercedes popped up. He could tell she was unhappy, but James was his new friend. James frowns at Mercedes. "Your name isn't on it. I can sit where I want." James doesn't move and Sam could see if he didn't interfere, things would turn badly. "Mercedes, James is my new best friend. He likes video games also."

Mercedes eyed James. "I dont care if hes your new best friend that my seat!" She insisted. "Move!" James continued to sit there and the driver told her to take a seat she grew angrier. "Move!!" James smiled sticking his tongue out at her. "Make me." The driver said to sit again. Court pulled Mercedes to her seat behind Sam and James and Mercedes sat back staring at them. This meant war.

Sam never saw Mercedes so angry before. It was just a seat. He felt bad that he let James take her seat, but she had Court now. "Mercedes is psycho. I mean it's just a seat." Sam startled at James voice. "If I were you, I wouldn't say that too loud. Anyway, are you coming to my house after school? We can play with my power rangers." As James and Sam continued talking, their bus stop came. Come on James, I'll introduce you to my mom and siblings. My dad is at work." The continued talking as they walked off the bus. Sam turned around and wave to Mercedes. "See ya later Merce."

Mercedes was livid, and when she was livid she was petty. The entire bus ride was spent plotting her revenge and now she was gonna get it. When Sam waved at her she rolled her eyes and stuck her nose up at him. He was no longer her friend. Courtney had to run home and change then she would come back over. Coming in the house her mom smiled. "Hey Merce! How was school?" Mercedes just shrugged. Amelia looked at her. "Where is Sam? Doesn't he usually come over after school? I haven't seen him in a few days." Mercedes folded her arms. "Sam's not my best friend anymore." She walked away and to her room, grabbing her supplies, then snuck into her brothers rooms for more ammo. "They wont know what hit them."

After calling James parents to let them know where he was, the boys immediately ran back outside to throw a football around. The twins were taking a nap and Mary didn't want Sam and James to wake them up. "How many little brother and sisters do you have?" James asked curiously. "Just two. They're twins." James nodded in understanding. Your mom seems cool." Sam beamed. "She's the best." Sam and James continued tossing the ball around not aware of any danger that may be brewing next door.

Mercedes had began to fill up the water Balloons when her mom let Courtney in. Once the girl's were done filling the balloons and water guns, they used the Forts dolly to lift it inside. Courtney looked over at Sam and James. "Are they gonna be mad?" Mercedes shrugged. "Probably but I don't care." Courtney nodded. "I don't care either." Mercedes grabbed the super soaker and pushed the bucket of balloons to the window. Grabbing two balloons she looked out of it. "Hey butt heads? This is for sitting in my seat!" She yelled unleashing the water balloons at Sam and James.

Sam and James were having fun one minute and the next they knew, they were being attacked by water balloons and water guns. "What are you doing?!" Sam yelled while trying to take cover. "Man she's crazy. All of this because I sat in her seat?" Sam shrugged. "Stop talking and grabbed the hoses." James looked around before replying. "There's only one, what will I use?" Before Sam could reply, a balloon hit him square in the face. "That's it! James get the hose from Mercedes house. Will soak them from both sides." James nods and leave, but becomes target practice for Mercedes and Court. Sam got his hose and him and James started soaking up the tree house and Mercedes and Court. "Surrender!"

Mercedes and Court squirts them more but when they spray them with the hoses she screamed and Court dropped the gun and grabbed her hair. “My hair!! I just got it done! That's it.” She grabbed the super soaker and aimed at James’ head as Mercedes shot Sam right in the face. “You will pay!!!!!” she screamed at the top of her lungs.

James laughed at wetting Court's hair but when she started shooting him and not missing he regretted it. Sam could barely see with how much water is in eyes because of Mercedes, so he felt no remorse about Courtney's hair. He increased the pressure of the hoes and blasted the whole tree house soaking both girls. "You started it, but will finish it!"

“UGH!!!” They both screamed deciding to abandon the tree house. They climbed down the back and Mercedes lead her to the mud pile that contractors left, her parents were having a pool put in. Hiding behind the pile, they grabbed handfuls of Mud and started throwing it at the boys.

Sam and James had big smiles thinking that the girls retreated. "Yea, that'll teach you to mess with us." The celebration was short lived when the girls began to throw mud at them. James turned to Sam. "What now?" Sam found some mud patches my the tree house the girls abandoned. "Follow my lead." Sam ran to the tree house, picked up some mud and began throwing it at the girls. James followed suit.

Amelia was in the kitching, working on dinner when a glob of mud hit the window. “What in the world?” She looked out of it and her eyes grew wide seeing what was happening. She ran outside screaming. “What are you kids doing?! Stop this now!” Mercedes froze seeing her mom. “They started it!” She said pointing to Sam and James.

"No, Mercedes started it!" James yelled. Hearing all the commotion, Mary came out. She intended on telling them to lower their voices because the twins were still sleep. But her mouth flew open at the scene in front of her. "Oh my god Sam. What did you do?" Sam didn't know what to say to his mother or Mrs. Jones. "I'm sorry for messing up your backyard Mrs. Jones." Mary shook her head. "Sam, sometimes sorry doesn't fix it." Mary looked at her son disappointed.

Amelia angrily moved towards Mercedes. "Mercedes Amelia Jones what has gotten into you! I have never been so disappointed in you then I am right now. This is a complete mess." Mercedes looked to the ground. "I'm sorry mommy I am but Sam-" Amelia held up her hands. "I do not want to hear it."

"Amelia, I don't know what has gotten into my son, but Dwight and I will pay for any damages." Mary was just confused. "I thought you two were best friends. Friends don't throw mud at each other. "She isn't my best friend anymore. James is my new best friend and Court is hers."

Amelia shook her head. “No Mary it's okay, they were fixing back here anyways I am more concerned with this. Mercedes you and Sam aren’t friends anymore?” She shook her head, “No he chose James! He gave him my seat!” She said defensively. Amelia rubbed the bridge of her nose. “I think I see what is going on Mary.”

Mary, understood also. “Yea, I’m starting to see also.” Sam didn’t think anyone would understand how he was feeling. “She replaced me with Courtney. It used to be just me and Mercedes, and then when Courtney came, she forgot all about me and liked her more than me. So, I got a new friend, and replaced her. I didn’t think him sitting in her seat would be a big deal, since there aren’t assigned seats on the bus anyway.” Mary just shook her head at Sam. She knew he cared for Mercedes, but she didn’t think he would get jealous of her making new friends. “Sam, Mercedes wasn’t trying to exclude you, in fact, she invited you, but you turned her down. You don’t own Mercedes. She can have a million friends, and still care about you, and want to be your friend.” Sam was still sad. “But she threw water in my face and mud at me for no reason!”

Mercedes folded her arms, she wanted to scream at Sam but his mom said what she was feeling. She was hurt that he thought she replaced him. "You stopped being my friend first! And gave my seat away I sat with you everyday since we moved here. I never gave Court your seat." She said her voice full of hurt." Courtney moved closer. "Mercedes and I thought we were all friends." She confirmed but Sam made her cry." Amelia sighed. "If you were hurt by Sam you should have talked to him, not spray him and attack him." Mercedes nodded still upset but knowing her mom was right.

"Sam, don't you have something to say to Mercedes?" Mary didn't want to see their friendship dissolve over a misunderstanding. "I'm sorry Mercedes." Sam felt embarrassed so he ran to his room, and shortly after James followed. Mary looked at Sam's retreating form sadly. She turned back to Mercedes. "He'll come around. He's a little embarrassed. Why don't you come over tomorrow after school for some cookies and milk and you and Sam can talk things through?"

Mercedes felt tears come to her eyes and turned to go inside with Courtney on her heels. Both parents could hear Mercedes ask Court why Sam hated her so much." Amelia sighed. "Those two, what are we gonna do with them?"

"I think this will make their friendship stronger. It's clear that they care about each other a lot. Just give it sometime I guess." Mary hoped time was all they needed. "Anyway, I have to get started with dinner. And I meant what I said about Mercedes coming over for cookies and milk, if she wants to of course."

“I will make sure she is there, they are too close to let them define their friendship.” Hugging Mary, Amelia made her way to Mercedes room, she and Court were in the bathroom washing off the mud. Amelia sighed as Mercedes looked at her. “I am still very upset with you girl's but I do understand what happened.” Mercedes looked down at her hands picking at the mud. “He replaced me.” She said softly. “Me and Court wanted to include him but he replaced me…” Amelia moved closer to hug her. “Sweetie boys are complicated at this age, well at every age. So just go over there tomorrow and give it time.”

After Sam and James washed up, Mary called them to help her with dinner while the twins sat in their high chairs. "So Sam, I'm sorry you and Mercedes had a falling out. But you do understand that she wanted for you to also be friends with Courtney. And you know she wouldn't replace you right?" Sam nodded. "I want to be her friend. It was just hard sharing her. She's my bestest friend." Mary smiled sadly at him. "Maybe you should tell her that tomorrow."

After dinner, james mom picked him up and Sam went to his room. He hoped that Mercedes would forgive him. He didnt mean for anything to turn into a fight. Sam wasn't the best at expressing himself, so he drew Mercedes a 'I'm sorry' card. He drew them on the Swings at Mercedes backyard. He was pushing her. That was the first time they played together. He wrote, Dear Mercedes, you are my bestest friend in the whole world. I am sorry how I treated you. I should not have given James you seat. Please forgive me, Your best friend, Sam Evans." He climbed out his window carefully, and crossed the lawn to Mercedes window. He knocked, hoping that she wasn't sleeping yet.

After they got cleaned, Courtney headed home and Mercedes helped clean the windows. Once they were done and dinner was finished, Mercedes made her way to her room. She hated that Sam seemed to hate her now, and gave James her seat. Right now she just figured she had a hard time letting go when she was hurt, in the future she would learn it was just her petty nature. Getting ready for bed she heard a knock and went to the window. She saw Sam and folded her arms. “What do you want?”

Sam could see that Mercedes was still mad at him and he couldn't blame her. "I made you a card. Just wanted to say I'm sorry. I leave it out here if you want to read it." He turned to leave letting his card do the talking for him.

Mercedes watched Sam walk away and opened her window fully to take the card. She read it and smiled. Sam knew her and knew what she liked. She didn’t go after him, she would talk to him tomorrow.

The next day, Mercedes was happy to make her way over to Sam’s. She was ready to forgive him and move on and maybe they could all be friends, well everyone except James, she hated james. She knocked on his door and waited for him to answer.

Mary took the cookies out of the oven and went to answer the door. "Hi Mercedes. Come in." Mary closed the door behind her and called Sam. "Sammy. Mercedes is here!" Sam came bouncing to the front door. He was happy to see her but he didn't know what to say. "Well, I'll let you two talk while the cookies cool off." Mary made her way to the kitchen. "Um, I just want to say sorry for being jealous of you making new friends." Sam felt embarrassed, but at least he got it out of the way.

Looking at Sam as she came inside she searched to see if James was there. Mercedes heard his apology and sighed. “I am sorry for squirting you and throwing mud...at you...though not sorry about doing it to James.” She said honestly.

A small smile came across Sam's face. "So can we be friends again? James won't sit in your seat anymore." Sam felt bad that Mercedes was still mad at James. It was his fault that James sat their. He'll just tell James to apologize the next time they see each other.

Mercedes hesitated for a moment then smiled softly. “Yes we can be friends again.” She said moving towards the kitchen. She would tell him not to let James near her seat again tomorrow for today she was happy with it being just the two of them.

#Samcedes #samcedes rp #samcedes roleplay #samcedes 1x1 #dash #para

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venomous--fics · 5 years

Text

Meteor Shower

Pearlie: Ya'll Ever hear Meteor Shower by Owl City?? This prompt reminded me of that so that's where the mood came from. Still platonic tho dont you worry none! (if its alright if i made it more sibling like because thats what platonic really means to me. like that mutual level of respect and admiration. family yknow?)

Also, bonus feels: "I can finally see that you're right there beside me." (that line kept going through my head.)

STORY:

You checked your calendar, noting that tomorrow was the meteor shower you and Peter had been planning for since you two heard it was going to be a thing. You grabbed your phone and shot Pete a text.

Y: Dude, tomorrow is the meteor shower! I'm totally excited!

P: Same! Hopefully we can see it from the rooftop. Hadn't really.. Planned out the sitting space yet. Forgot about it.

Y: We can see how it looks tonight I guess. Maybe if it sucks we can find around place.

P: Well I thought.. For a moment, the city lights would be an issue. So I was looking around for like a campsite or something..

Y: You forgot about seating arrangements but planned alternate plan b seating arrangements?

P: I am always one step ahead and yet still 3 steps backs.

Y: You think Aunt May would drive us?

P: Probably.

Y: We can talk more at school. I gotta get ready before the bus gets here.

P: Cool cool Y/n/n! See you then!

The day went on in the blink of an eye, and you and Peter settled on a mini roadtrip to a campsite in the next city over. Today was Friday, so the plan was you guys would leave tomorrow morning and be there by sunset.

It sounded like a great idea. You loved it. Finally you and your best friend Pete got to hang out and not talk about tests or Chemistry or some dumb thing Ned said that made half sense.

You told Peter goodnight before you left his place and headed home.

11:30 a.m: Meteor Shower day!

You were viciously knocking on the apartment door, "Aah, Peter! Get up! Dude, you're behind schedule!"

You heard a few thuds and muffled yelps as Peter shouted back, "Yeah, yeah! I'll be out in a second."

"Peter. Put on a shirt."

"Oh. Right."

"I'll get the door."

The door opened and aunt May invited you in. You stepped inside and saw a few bags resting on the couch. Peter always went overboard... Extra clothes in case you got stranded, extra toothbrudh and tooth paste, extra map, sleeping bags, telescope if need be, etc.. ETC.

"Geez, Pete. It's only a one night thing."

Peter came out, absentmindedly fixing his hair, "Uh. Yeah. I know that."

You rolled your eyes and smiled a little.

---

The car drove down the highway as the three of you belted out song after song. This was the most fun you've had in awhile if you were completely honest with yourself.

Before you knew it, you guys were stopped at a cute little eating establishment for dinner. And much like children, you and Peter had to race to get the best seat and the loser was a rotten egg.

The dinner consisted of you and Peter constantly being told to not talk with your mouths full, and giggling everytime that May said it.

The tents were pitched, a small fire lit, seats claimed, and the moon rising. You were practically vibrating with excitement, "I can't wait anymore!"

"Only a few more minutes." Peter responded, checking the time on his phone.

You looked up at the sky, "How many do you think we'll see?"

"Hmm," Peter rested his chin on his knees, "Well, definitely one."

"Smart alec." you sighed.

It felt like an eternity, and you almost called it a night. You and Peter were playing rock, paper, scissors when aunt May caught you off guard.

"It's so beautiful." she said in awe.

You and Peter both turned your attention towards the night sky, and you were both awestruck.

Streaks of light painted the sky, making it seem like the very stars were falling to Earth. More streaks appeared and your mouth was slightly agape, trying to take in all the beauty.

After awhile, the streaks daded from the sky, and the only sound was the crackling firewood. You and Peter were still taking it all in.

"Man," you said breathlessly, "This was so cool."

"Yeah!" Peter smiled, "That meteor shower was pretty cool."

"I meant the whole trip. I've never had so much fun before." You awkwardly rubbed your neck, "Hate to say it, but you're like a brother to me."

"Why do you hate to say it?" Peter asked, faking hurt feelings.

"You're annoying. And a loser."

"Oh."

"But I am too. So unfortunately, we're bonded for life... And I don't mind."

"Well," Peter cleared his throat, "I see you as that sibling I didn't ask for."

"Rude."

"You started it."

You both chuckled and it grew silent again. You both looked at May, who had alreadi disappeared to her tent and was presumably asleep.

"Can we do this again?"

Peter smiled crookedly, "Maybe we can convince her to take us rafting sometime. Or skiing. I have always wanted to go skiing."

"Same!" you quietly clapped.

"Absolutely not." May groaned, half awake.

You and Peter hushed each other. You'd convince her. Someday.

You and Peter went to your seperate tents. You curled up in your sleeping bag and shut your eyes. You liked hanging out with May and Peter.. It was like a second family. Definitely much cooler than your own, but you'd never tell anyone.

#marvel imagine #peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader #spiderman imagine #spiderman x reader

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survivor-rebelsvsroyals · 4 years

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EPISODE 2- I made an oopsie!! - Asya

HEY GUYS WELCOME BACK TO MY CHANNEL lmfaooo it’s been so damn long i’m so rusty but we’re here and we're doing this ladies! Going into this I was worried it was gonna be a ton of new school people I didnt know who were all friends but I was fairly pleased that I actually know a good majority of the cast and I know everybody on my tribe except Anabel which is WILD. I didn't expect to know that many but its great. I’m gonna talk a bit about everybody then ill go into more: Anabel is the one person I didn’t know coming in but i’ve heard she’s super social which is MY THING so i gotta watch my back with that. We’ve had fun conversations though so nothing bad to say yet Dane Dane Dane where do I start? I don’t trust him one bit. I know we can have fun conversations but because of personal things with my friends I will forever watch my back with him because i’m a stubborn protective Mama Bear. Ryan and I already talked about getting him out lmfao Gloria has always been sweet to me but I have to figure out how to talk game with her. I’ve never actually played with her myself before just been in VLs or a jury host for a game shes in or something so this is a different perspective. Im not sure how its gonna go yet. Linus is my TUMBLR SURVIVOR BUDDY HERE LMFAOO Ive played with people on this tribe before but I don’t think i’ve played TS with anybody else? Either way we played to the end of Myanmar- oh wait excuse me ALMOST THE END BECAUSE OF A DUMB TWIST but yeah I honestly trust him alot because if I remember correctly he wasnt afraid to make moves but he was straight up with me and I appreciate that I’d rather someone be blunt with me and I dont like what they say than deal with a shady bitch! Also we just have good conversations imo and I think we’d be on the same wavelength talking game so he’s definitely someone I wanna work with Pippa is a SWEETIE I always love talking to her we can talk musicals all day all night but with her schedule we’ll have to see how much shes here because idk if she’s gonna be that into it tbh Ruthie is another sweetie but shes also smart and she knows i’m smart so I gotta watch she won’t kick my ass and stab my back singing Zip-a-dee-doo-dah Ryan Matthew OK SO RYAN AND I HAVE A WILD HISTORY we always either love or hate eachother and so far we’ve decided this is a love game? Hopefully it’s legit but we’ll see im sure he’d flip on my ass if he felt like it lmfao but i’m gonna take it for what it is right now. We both don't trust dane and want him gone so I think right now we’re kinda following that “the enemy of your enemy is your friend” kinda motto. I actually wanna work with him this time though so we’ll seeeee RTP is always a blast I don't remember if i’ve actually ever played with him before but we’re both old as fuck in this community so we’ve been around the BLOCK. I know he knows how shit goes so he’ll probably pick up on bullshit quick so I wanna keep him on my good side! I definitely can see myself working with him Seamus i’ve always assumed is a hot ass mess lmfaooo he’s another one i dont remember if i’ve actually played with but I dont know if I trust him we had fun chats but idk how much I’ll trust him as a strategist but we havent gotten to that kind of discussion so we’ll see how that goes. For the most part I have general vibes/ experiences with these people on their own but I don’t know how they’re gonna mesh together so I really gotta watch them all and try to sort it out. I really think I can be in a good spot on this tribe and weasel my way through it but I have to calculate it PERFECTLY. These people aren’t newbies all of us have been here before and know how this works. I’m gonna work my social, be decent in the challenges and keep my mouth zipped while I try and figure our where everyone lies. I haven’t honestly really tried in a game in a long time and if people have forgotten what i’m capable of when I give a shit I can use that to my advantage. So i just gotta try and gage where everyone falls. STAY TUNEDDDD ALSO I JUST WANNA SAY MY FRIENDS AND PEOPLE I KNOW I COULD TRUST ARE ON THE OTHER TRIBE AND IM SAD I wanna work with them 😩😩😩 I need Dan Coffeycakes and Asya to get to swap but I'm also praying to the survivor Lorde™️ for the Royals so I don't die lol i’ll give more entertaining updates as thing progress but I just wanted to knock out the basic intro update ok byeeeeeeee 😘

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THE GAME HAS OFFICIALLY COMMENCED AND I AM IMMEDIATELY SHOOK. My number one ally and my friend or die and most importantly my friend got first boot but I’m proud of myself that I didn’t sell myself out and didn’t vote him. So the vote was 7-1-1-1 7 Keaton 1 nic 1 Lachie 1 Raffy which was me After the tribal finished I told everyone on call (Chloe Asya Lachie and Raffy) THST I voted Raffy because I had already told John anyway and I didn’t want it to get spread around so I came clean and I can just hope they all respect me for it. I gotta take it day by day and continue to build and maintain bonds. I wanna see if I can’t build a majority alliance I gotta go balls to the wall and leave no stone unturned because for my own sanity I want no regrets when I’m eventually voted out. I think Raffy respected that I can’t clean and that our game relationship can be worked on from here.

Tribal was absolutely crazy. Keaton just popped the fuck off on everyone. He was the fourth crackhead that we needed, but didn't deserve. Asya, Lachie, and I being in an alliance? Nic controlling the game? Absolutely wild. The most interesting thing for me is that Brien voted me. I get that you know Keaton personally, but that just tells me that you will always choose your pre-existing relationship over me. It makes me hesitant to work with Brien since I don't know if he has anymore of these relationships throughout the game. I need to be careful what I say to him and how I come across from now on. I'm still playing the social game, talking with everyone, making sure things are going well for them. Hopefully it continues to go well and I can position myself into multiple alliances, but I don't know if I want to get that messy just yet. This two day challenge enables me to branch out my social game, so that's a plus. John brought up an alliance with Asya and Lachie that would include the Crackheads. However, he meant it as a joke. I wouldn't be entirely opposed to such an alliance. Though I would replace Lachie with someone else like Brien or Nic. It's just that I talk the least with Lachie and Asya so it would go pretty terrible in my opinion. We have to talk about that on call soon.

*a little while later*

Brien wants to start an alliance with me, him, John, Nic, and either Chloe/Trace. It would be a majority alliance, but I need to tell the Crackheads about it. We all need to be on the same page about things, otherwise we'll be a hot mess of an alliance (more so than we already are). Personally, I'd be perfectly fine with that kind of alliance, it'll give me the majority that I so desperately want.

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i’m gonna cry i have no time to do this challenge i hate this i hate isaac pls let someone be the dummy who doesn’t submit at all so i don’t get 19th

Calling John and Raffy is like the highlight of my day

*a few minutes later*

"I need to find a shirt that I don't mind getting wet" - John 2K19

So what I'm hearing from that is he doesn't wash his clothes

My tribe is absolutely THRIVING and I’ve never been happier. I know I’ll see tribal one day but until then it’s nice to have another night off! I can go about my day not scrambling around to make sure I’m good! Now to search for the idol HMM

It sucks that we lost the challenge again. It's really bringing down morale. Because of this, I do think the next vote is going to be based on challenge performance which I take issue with. The two who did the worst are Chloe and Asya which means it's a pretty clear cut choice for me of who goes. It sucks because I like Asya a lot, but she just hasn't been as active as I would like her to be. At the end of the day, however, I just have to let it go and focus on the now. I'm not going to be pushing for Asya, but I sure hope she goes instead of Chloe.

i made an oopsie !!! was the lowest scoring person in the whole game so that’s hot !!! don’t feel good about my chances this round since in the early game, challenge strength IS what you have to go off of. but i’ve had good conversations w people and i will continue to build on that til i’m gone. i think i have a solid grasp on dan, chloe and lachie. like i don’t think they’ll vote me. i think i’m getting along well w brien? idk. there’s also that one unaccounted for stray vote from last round so like. much to consider. i just need 4 people to not vote for me and i’m fine. who i’m voting for? wish i knew !!

I was talking to Nic about the vote and he brings up two names: Chloe and Asya. I obviously preferred Asya to go so I said that to him. Then, not 5 seconds later, I hear from Chloe that Asya came up to her saying that I threw Asya's name out. Obviously Nic told Asya that I said her name. He's a little snake. I want him out of this game because he cannot be trusted with any information right now. I'm trying to leverage the situation in my favor by spreading that Nic told me it was Asya. So, something needs to be done.

*a little while LATER (you know the drill, this man talks A LOT)*

I'm currently talking to Lachie and Trace. However, Nic has also gotten to them too. I don't like this gut feeling that I am getting voted out. Apparently, Trace is onboard with getting Asya out according to Nic. Furthermore, Chloe told me that Asya is confused about what is happening with this vote. I am trying to confuse her. I told her that her name is getting thrown around, but I want to keep her. I need to keep this up till tribal in order to keep myself safe. Paranoia is the best coverage. Honestly, Nic going right now would not be bad. However, I need to make my play carefully

*literally like six seconds later*

Nic is very shady. The Crackheads want to vote out Nic now instead of Aysa. Chloe suggested making an alliance with Lachie and Asya to vote him out this tribal council. This only works if the two of them are online and agree. Lachie seems down for it, but Asya is a mystery. I just have a feeling that things are going to blow up in our faces. Hopefully, we can make a big move, but if Asya doesn't respond then nothing can happen.

Everyone is confused

ok SO im now in an alliance w me dan nic trace and brien which like?? is not the alliance i envisioned myself in but idc because thats majority and im not trying to go home tonight. with that group not an option i kinda wanted to push for raffy to go so i brought up how like aggressive he is and not even a second later nic tells me that raffy is saying my name so like. it's time for that man to go. did i flop in the challenge? yes, but i know how to talk my way out of a bad situation and thats what im gonna do. mark my words, raffy is getting voted out tonight. keaton made points!

*exactly 11 minutes later*

ok so... ignore everything i just said. it's been wiped from the record. never happened. i'm officially aligned with everyone on my tribe one with myself, dan, brien, trace and nic, and another with myself, chloe, raffy, john and lachie. alliance one is voting raffy, alliance two is voting nic. I ! AM ! THE SWING ! shook. if i don't get a vote tonight then... my fucking mind but... there will be consequences no matter what i do. at this point in time, i think that nic is a snake. raffy is a bigger target, and if he makes the swap he will keep making himself a target. nic is sneaky and will slide thru this game. so. i think my mind is made up

The Godfathers Alliance is officially set in stone. With this, we can make a move against Nic who is very talkative. Now we have a majority alliance that will dominate this tribe. I'm winning in this stage of the game.

The royals are killing it and I’m so proud of this tribe. So far I’m not a part of any official alliance, there’s been very little actual game talk, but Dane and I are both saying we won’t vote each other if we lose, and Seamus and I started sharing idol guesses. I wish there was more I could say but really when it comes to talking the tribe is kinda a bunch of lame ducks right now. A loss would probs change that, but it’s a slow burn atm.

Dan was messaging Asya about voting Nic, so we are trying to bring him into the vote in order to lessen the blindside. Plus, if we let Dan think he's in control, then we can put the heat on him in case of a potential blindside.

I'm sharing my idol guesses with Amanda and Ryan. I kind of made a F2 with both of them and they're my dream f3 but I have no idea how they feel about each other. But idk i guess im kind of fake. Tried my best at immunity, I hate scav hunts!!!!!!! But thank god we won immunity I never wanna go to tribal. I wanna be immune until f2.

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jess-oh · 5 years

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Reflection

hey journal,

i got some things to get off my chest.

ummmm. theres a lot on my mind i guess.

it feels kind of weird having a roommate after not having one for so long but it makes me happy to know someone else is home when i do. it’s easy to talk to her or just choose to go straight to my room after a long day. i am happy to have claire here.

amanda decided to stay in st louis for another week and a part of me is hurt that she didnt think to tell me. ive just been trying to give her space after she didnt respond to me last time. i just assumed she was busy and i really do want her to be able to rest back at home and just be with her family. i think i would want to do the same in california so ive been doing my best to just keep some distance between myself and her. i do miss her though.

i was really happy i was able to be there for her with the whole ICP thing but when wookie casually mentioned how she went to an ICP event recently for the BTJ tour, i felt a little betrayed. did she lie to me? i thought she hadnt spoken or interacted with any of them in almost a year. why would she keep that from me?

ive also slowly been slowly getting involved with ICP again just by hanging out with Wookie again on Wednesdays and getting to meet new people. a part of me feels like im betraying Lakeview for doing so but i dont want to let them go.

ive also been doing my best to keep some distance between myself and johnathan&jason. i think i was too clingy and desperate in the past. tho, surprisingly, johnathan recently reached out to me and asked to go climbing together. i agreed and we’re set to hangout on friday which i am excited about. but we dont usually have much to talk about so....we’ll see how it goes i guess! ive been trying to think of things to ask him bc i noticed that he wont share more information than whats absolutely necessary. maybe i can ask him more about how israel is and maybe challenges that arose? we’ll see!?

i really hope the best for him and amanda. tbh, i think i was both of them at one point in my life. too serious and couldnt take a joke. too insecure and just wanted to please everyone. now im here. depressed and just struggling how to move on from here.

while talking to elizabeth and skylar recently, i was wondering if maybe the reason it’s so hard for me to talk to people at church is bc the people at school are usually a lot more willing to share than those at church? so it feels like im trying a lot harder to carry the conversation bc people expect to be served when they first come to lakeview.

BUT, i gotta humble myself! bc i was really no better when i first came. and theres nothing to be gained by being “better” anyway.

i really miss old MAST and the meetings we had. i didnt think i would miss everything and everyone so much. it makes me feel sad how much everything is changing. tho i am slowly starting to learn how to let go. esp since jason, johnathan, and amanda have been gone for a while. and ive been pretty distant with pjosh lately too. i just want to allow him to rest during this summer and have fun and relax. he deserves it after such a stressful year. and i do really want to help and support him and make his job easier as much as i can.

im done receiving. i want to help now.

i am excited to be able to hangout with johnathan one on one for once tho. i wonder why he wanted to hangout. maybe bc he knows his time is limited and wants to spend make the most of his time still in chicago with the people he cares about? who knows.

maybe pjosh tipped him off since i asked to meet up with pjosh this week and he couldnt. i do still definitely want to tell pjosh that im thinking of moving to SF. and the more i research, the more right it feels. it pretty much just feels like im planning for my future at this point. but another part of me really doesnt want to leave chicago. i would probably cry a lot on my last day with everyone here. i dont want to say goodbye. i love so many people here so much. i dont want to leave. and at the end of the day, it is my choice but a part of me feels like i have to let go and move on from this part of my life. as much as it sucks and as much as i dont want to, it feels like something i just need to do. sigh.

maybe i’ll ask johnathan what people in NorCal usually do and try to incorporate that into my SF schedule.

i wonder if he’ll ask if i was upset or avoided him before. bc he was more active in talking with me, idk if he picked up on it. i think im okay with telling him i was just upset with them both not bc of anything they had necessarily done but just bc seeing them two just told me that they were moving on and i felt like i was being left behind. which, i talked it through with amanda and felt exponentially better after our conversation. i didnt realize they had talked about the spaces they had cultivated and wanting to keep it the same even tho they were entering into a relationship together. and i could see that and i do appreciate that. but, a part of me will always kinda feel like a third wheel with them. i know they probably wont be super coupley or lovey dovey around me but i will still very clearly know that theyre in a relationship together. that they’re each other’s go to person now. it isnt me anymore for amanda and i never was that person for johnathan. but things change and i’ll always know we wont ever be that close again or anymore. it kinda hurts but im learning to just accept, let go, and move on.

for a long time, my greatest fear was dealing with the fact that no matter how hard i try or how much work i put in, my best will never be good enough. but, after feeling hopeless over my inability to change the hearts of NU students and giving it to God and just trusting in Him in the process instead, it did give me a pretty great sense of relief.

my coping mechanism is to isolate myself. to take a step back and run away and just try and deal with the problem on my own. the reason i became so clingy and latched onto the seniors this past year was because i was so shocked when they actually responded positively and wanted to help me. i didnt know how to properly react to that because it felt so foreign. and i guess i just became too much. even now, i always think about self harming myself or just not telling people how i feel for long periods of time and them finding out by some accident and me feeling so much shame and crying out, “i am so sorry! you were never supposed to find out! you were never supposed to know about this!” sigh.

i guess i have pretty self destructive behavior, haha.

it’s just easier to deal with by myself w/o the variables of other people. not having to worry if im talking too much or being too selfish or this or that. if im the only one trying to solve it, i only have to worry about myself making out on the other side alive.

maybe thats why i want to kill myself so often haha.

i am really stressed out about this whole andrew and sofia thing and i really dont know what to do. a part of me wants to share the gospel with andrew and hopefully rely on God to help him overcome his addiction but if i myself do not currently have a stable faith, what right do i have to share this with him when i know i’ll be questioned and persecuted for it.

but i really dont know what the right course of action is to take now. i think i would’ve been better equipped to answer in the past but now my life just feels like it’s in disarray and i dont know what to do anymore.

i think leaving chicago for a while will be good for me tho. just being able to get away and relax from everyone. i think it’ll help me get a more clear mind. hopefully. hopefully i wont just be stressed over my grandpa and this whole breakup thing the whole time. ugh. i really dont mean to be selfish but i do wish i could just go home and rest and not have to worry about anything! really! sigh.

but anyway, God, i give this to you. im also really hoping that somehow at sa-rang, i can come back to you and be reminded of you are in my life. i feel like i’ve grown so far away from you and it’s become so much more about living in fear and not sharing too much in fear of scaring people away but craving intimacy. i hope i can find that back home at sa-rang, even with all my fears and insecurities regarding that place.

thank you.

i feel nervous but im doing my best to just trust in you and through this process.

#reflection

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