#i also realize... i use gendered terms sometimes because i literally do not know | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

maxislvt · 10 months

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pls tell us more about omega!wanda x beta!nat x alpha!reader 👁👁

warnings: amab!reader (no gendered terms), smut, omegaverse, sub!reader, dom! WandaNat, pegging, voyeurism, collaring, mating claims, breeding kinks, spanking, threesomes

i said I was gonna sleep but that's nawt happening so uhhh here!

okay so similar dynamic to my usual omega!wanda fics. You're rather soft and sappy for an alpha. since you face a lot of bullying for it, you hide your identity at work and don't really pursue a relationship because you've always been told that no omega would want an alpha like you.

for this I'd like to think Wanda and Natasha are a match made in hell. they're not dating each other yet. they have feelings for each other but both of them are really dominant and lack interest in being submissive so they're hesitant to commit

They both have their eyes on you before they even figure out you're an alpha. at first it's like a game for them. the first one to take you out on a date gets to do all the nasty and inappropriate things they want to you and tease the other for not getting you first!!

however that goes out the window really fast because they realize you're really bashful and it's just too cute to keep from the other. also you tend to turn and run the second you think you'll be alone with one of them for even a second.

Wanda is subtle. the way she touches you seems so innocent and kind that you almost ignore how close she is to your crotch. You usually don't catch on to her innuendos until much later into the conversation. She never forces you to stay but something is always compelling you to stay put and listen

Natasha on the other hand is very bold and doesn't hold back. sometimes you're literally pinned down and forced to deal with all her perverted comments. you couldn't run away even if you wanted to. her intentions are very explicit and there's little room for what she wants to do with you

it only gets worse when they find out you are an alpha. mainly because their nasty little fantasies can get really explicit now but also because they know exactly how to tease you. they never push too hard, but just enough to get you worked up

you don't know that they know but after falling victim to their coordinated attempts at courting, you assumed that they guessed incorrectly about what rank you are. in an attempt to have some peace, you make this grand reveal to them and they're so unphased. in fact, they're more focused on how good your scent is more than anything.

one thing leads to another and suddenly you're sandwiched between the two of them and fucked out of your mind. they don't even let you put up another act about how alphas should behave and keep you spoiled in bed all day until you stop pouting and promise to give them a fair chance

they do make an effort to take you on nice dates and buy you actual courting gifts. they're really expensive and have a lot of thought put into them. some of them are literally just sex toys they wanna use on you at a later date. like the first thing they buy you is a vibrator and lube. the hope was that you'd be curious but too inexperienced to do it on your own and come running to them

they're very horny romantics. so their claim bites on are either layered on top of each other to make a heart or symmetrical somewhere on your body. the choice is yours but I think it'd be the same way on all three of you.

anyways, you guys are a very practical pack I feel. the three of you would love to have everything be matching and constantly do cuddle piles but it doesn't always get to happen. sometimes it's as simple as one of you is on a mission and can't do the cuddle pile. other times it's the simple fact that Wanda likes to wear pajama pants, you only sleep in shorts, and nat typically goes without pants when sleeping.

and I think that practically carries over into sex as well. in my mind Wanda and Nat are a complementary pair. Wanda is soft and Natasha is strict. That isn't to say they can't come together and spoil or tease you though.

if it's just you and nat or you and Wanda, the whole scene was likely recorded and there's a million photos of how you looked.

Wanda prefers to get you really deep into subspace and wait until you're practically leaking through your underwear before stripping you naked and filling your ass to the brim. she'll let you cum as much as you want so long as you're good and let her have fun too

Natasha likes to tease. She'll edge you for hours before she even thinks about pegging you. Nat is not above spanking you just for fun! After she's marked up your skin and left you a sticky mess, she'll spank your ass bright red until you have a hand print

80% of the time they top you together is to spoil you. it doesn't have to be a special event, but they like making you feel good together and watching you make a mess of yourself. they'll stretch your ass out with both of their straps and go for as long as they can.

The other 20% is always a punishment and not even Wanda's pampering nature can save you. If you break their rules, then you have to suffer the consequences. Since Natasha is a sadist and spanks you all the time, they get a little more creative. They fuck each other right in front of you and make you edge yourself with a simple fleshlight.

The only time they let your top is if you're in a rut and that doesn't mean you're not subbing. most of the time, you're breeding Wanda while Natasha is controlling your hips and keeping you in check via a collar.

Natasha likes to watch while you and Wanda fuck out your cycles. Maybe she'll ride you during rut if she's really horny and wants to be knotted but she prefers to watch you try and act all dominant and tough sometimes.

also their straps are enchanted and they love fucking your face. Natasha likes actually fucking your throat but Wanda just thinks you look absolutely adorable on your knees and desperate to please her.

the aftercare is always wonderful. they follow a similar routine even if they're not fucking you together because it's tailored to what they think you need most after sex. cuddles and a bath are mandatory, even if Wanda has to drag you to the bathroom with her magic. if they've tipped you together, they prefer you just go right into taking a nap but they will let you watch TV or play a videogame if they weren't too rough.

honestly they seem like the type to not even consider sex if they know you haven't eaten anything, but they still keep a few in the mini fridge just in case you need something.

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starlight-bread-blog · 8 months

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Katara is More Patient Then We Give Her Credit for

Katara has been getting a lot of flak for supposedly being hot headed and getting angry at very minor things. Even those who love Katara seem to accept this as the truth. But it's not. In reality, Katara is simply a female character who owns her rage. And I feel like there are two main components that debunk this notion.

Warning: Long, long post.

1. In the instances where Katara is angry it's either justified or makes sense in context.

The Waterbending Scroll

Katara stole, wouldn't you know it, a waterbending scroll. She practices before giving it to Aang, and fails hard. Then Aang who she's supposed to be teaching, gets it right and explains how to do it. Katara has an outburst.

Katara: Will you please shut your air-hole! Believe it or not your infunite wisdom gets a little old sometimes. Why don't we just throw the scroll away since you're so naturally gifted!

Why is Katara that mad here? Why did she have an outburst? Because she was carrying the burden of being the last waterbender of the Southern Water Tribe her whole life. Because her waterbending is the reason Kya died. Because she have been independently studying waterbending her whole life. And now her student is having it all easy and is trying to teach her.

And wouldn't you know it, she realized what she did immediatly. Literally, a second later.

Katara: Oh my gosh Aang. I am so sorry. I don't know what came over me. But you know what, it won't happen again. Here [the scroll] is yours. I don't wanna have anything to do with it anymore.

She even apologized to Momo. Katara had an isecurity rooted in trauma and pressure. When Aang try to teach her she hit a breaking point and lashed out. And not one second later she's already apologizing.

The Waterbending Master

Katara and Aang are going to see Pakku, the waterbending master. But when Pakku sees she's a girl, he says he won't teach her. This is why Katara gets angry. She flew across seas just to get rejected due Pakku is being a sexist freak. I think we can all agree that being denied something because of sexism is a good reason to get angry. And when Katara realized Pakku won't teach Aang if she'll keep insisting, she drops it abd tells Aang to drop it too.

However, that doesn't mean she won't study in secret. She deserved to learn waterbending and she knew it. She took the consequences into consideration and decided to not make a fuss.

But of course, they both get caught. Pakku says he will no longer teach Aang, the Avatar who absolutly needs to study and still refuses to teach Katara because he's still sexist. Only then Katara challenges him to a duel. Only when they have nothing to lose. She challenged a sexist prick to a duel, one who shamelessly denied her oppretunity because of her gender.

The Chase

At the start of the episode Katara gently hints Toph to help unpack a camp for the night. This is when she's not tired yet, and shows patience.

Katara: So Toph, usually when setting up camp, we try to divide up the work.

Toph: Hey, don't worry about me. I'm good to go.

Katara (still calmly): Well, actually, what I'm trying to say is, some of us might fetch water while someone else might set up the fire pit or put up the tent. *smiles* Even Momo does his fair share.

Toph (slightly irritated): Katara, I'm fine. I can carry my own weight. I don't need a fire. I've already collected my own food. And look. *earth bends a tent* My tent's all set up.

Katara: Well, that's great for you but we still need to finish-

Toph (loudly): I don't understand. What's the problem here??

Katara: Never mind.

Katara then goes to apologize. While also attempting to make sure her and Toph are on good terms by having her acknoledge that she wasn't 100 absolutly in the right.

Katara: Hey Toph, I wanted to apologize for earlier. I think we're all just a little tired and getting on each other's nerves.

Toph: Yeah, you do seem pretty tired.

Katara (slightly irrutated): I meant all of us.

Toph: Well, good night.

Katara: Good night.

By all means, Toph is in the wrong for the sheer refusal for communication. At first Katara calmly explained to her what was needed without even spelling it out. Toph was being passive, so she dropped it. And then she apologizes after doing nothing wrong just so they could be on good terms. Toph was the one being passive agressive. And Katara pretty much let it slide.

This is Katara. The patience she showed right here is her natural, normal self. The rest of the episode is under the context of sleep deprivation and how it's making them all hostile to each other. Including the pacifist Aang. Who's outburst leads Toph to leave. After she does, both Aang and Katara express remorse.

(Side note: I heard people take issue with the line "The stars sure are beautiful tonight, too bad you can't see them, Toph". It's been interpreted as Katara making fun of Toph for being blind, but it's just another instance in the recurring joke of the Gaang forgetting Toph is blind, and listed as such in the official A:TLA Youtube channel).

The Runaway

Update: This section, especially, is majorly outdated.

The episode has a silly opening where Aang is trained by Toph and Katara. Toph misses and accidently hits Katara with a big rock. After Toph doesn't apologize, it leads into a fight which is absolutly not to be taken seriously, that ends with Aang pointing out that it was supposed to be training.

It doesn't work as an exapmle for supposed hot-headedness because the reason this whole thing started because Toph hit Katara with a rock and refused to apologize.

But moving on to the real conflict of these episode, Toph scammed someone and Katara makes it clear that they shouldn't do it again, it'll draw attention to them. Aang promises her it won't happen again but.. um.. you know what happened.

Katara, being responsible, told them to quit because they'd potentially get exposed. Toph didn't reach well, telling her to lighten up. Katara rightfully gets angry, because they really might get exposed and Toph is dismissing her like her concerns are nothing. They have a short argument and Toph storms out.

This is why Katara was angry this episode. Her reasoning for being upset is the Gaang potentially exposing themselves for easy money. That's the conflict.

The Painted Lady

In this episode Katara sees a starving Fire Nation village but Sokka won't allow them to stay due to time limits. So she faked a disease for Appa so they could. Sokka confronts her. At first, she gives up and packs to leave. But since she destroyed the factory that's been polluting the villages water and taking their medicine, the people in charge assumed it was the civilians, and were coming to attack. Sokka and Katara get into a small but intense argument. Important to note, that she doesn't react intensively until Sokka does.

Katara: Well, what was I supposed to do?

Sokka: Leave! Do nothing.

Katara: No! I will never, ever turn my back on people who need me.

Her anger here doesn't highlight hot-headedness, it highlights compassion. Compassion is one of Katara's core traits. She's angry because she's being angrily demanded to see people suffer and stand by. And she will not tolerate it. She will never, ever turn her back on people who need her.

2. In reality, Katara is defined by her patience and compassion.

What I did here was listing off times where Katara did get angry. But Katara is generally a caring, kind person. Rather if it's cheering up Sokka, going shopping with him after he admitted to feeling useless; if it's pulling Aang out of the Avatar state, putting herself at risk when he's out of control; if it's helping deliver a baby of a stranger; or if it's freeing prisoners of the Fire Nation. She demonstrates impressive patience throughout the show.

The Deserter

In this episode Aang was asked to just control fire. Aang gets irrutated himself at this, but Katara assured him that it's probably for a good reaso. But when his master left, he firebent. He was being extremely careless with his new found Fire Bending and burned Katara's hands.

Did she...

A. splashed some water at him.

B. Yelled at him.

C. Ran away crying.

Yeah, she didn't express anger at all. Sokka was who's angry at Aang.

The Desert

The sand benders stole Appa and the Gaang is suck in a desert. Katara demonstrates her patience a lot this episode.

Toph and Aang are arguing about Toph not stopping them.

Aang: You just didn't care! You never liked Appa! You wanted him gone.

Katara: Aang, stop it. You know Toph did all she could. She saved our lives.

Sokka: Who's gonna save our lives now? We'll never make itout of here.

Aang: That's all any of you guys care about, yourselves. You don't care whether Appa is okay or not.

Katara: We're all concerned, but we can't afford to be fighting now.

Aang accused the Gaang of something horrible. Katara told him to stop, but still understood his anger and calmly explained to him that it's important not to fight in a life threatening situation.

Aang then storms out to look for Appa. Katara's response?

Katara: We'd better start walking. We're the only people who know about the solar eclipse. We have to get that information to Ba Sing Se.

She didn't get angry, she was rational and thought about the greater good.

After Aang comes back, Katara suggest they should try sleeping, gives the Gaang all of her bending water without drinking herself. And then finds a way to get to Ba Sing Se using the locations of star systems.

The Gaang spots a cloud and mistakes it for Appa. But Katara realizes the potential in a cloud. She tells Aang to fly and bend the water from the cloud so they could drink.

Katara (disappoibted): Wow, there's hardly any in here.

Aang (intensively): I'm sorry, okay? It's a desert cloud, I did all I could. What's anyone else doing? *Points at Katara* What are you doing?

After dealing with everyone's tireness, Sokka's high nonsense and Aang's attitude, carrying everyone, thinking of possible solutions to ensure they'd all survive, how did she react to Aang accusing her of not doing enough?

Katara: Trying to keep everyone together. Let's just get moving. We need to head this direction.

And after everything she did for everyone, she pulls Aang out of the Avatar state when he's raging, out of control.

Katara is not so hot headed.

She's sweet, nurturing and caring. She demonstrated incredible patience and perhaps even saved the Gang's life in The Desert with her resilience. Katara's compassion is her defining trait.

But that doesn't mean she's not a human being – she's allowed to be flawed, and in the moments where she does, she's very remorseful. And in the moments where she doesn't, people will still hold her accoutable for simply feeling a justified emotion.

Does it make you oh-so-hot headed to stand up to a sexist denying her opportunity? To make sure your friends don't destroy your chances to win a war? To not tolerate being told to see people in need and do nothing in a middle if an argument she didn't start? Of course it doesn't.

And other characters are allowed to express anger, to be flawed, in ways that are way worse than Katara without being labelled annoying hot headed by the fandom.

Katara is widly known to be irrational, letting her anger get the better of her, but it's simply not true.

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p0th · 8 months

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ik im probably rlly late to the party but what is objectum, like is it a role play thing, is it a coping thing? I need someone to explain it to me like im 5 bc i genuinely just don't understand what it is lol

So the literal definition of being objectum is someone who's attracted to inanimate objects, whether that be platonic, romantic, sexual, or somethin else. However, looking at it with only its literal definition doesn't really account for the intricacies that such a label brings.

I just want to point out that while some people see objects as alive (the label for that being POSIC), others dont. Animism is also a similar term for where people percieve inanimate things as having souls. Personally, I dont see my object as alive, but do sometimes use gendered terms to describe them and feel comforted by their presence. People can also be objectum and be attracted to actual people too.

Being objectum is also more common in autistic people. Object personafication is a common trait seen in autism and other disorders and i can see how that can lead people to being objectum. Though I have never been formally diagnosed with anything, i am probably neurodivergent & maybe that has a part in me identifying as objectum idk!! Theres a study on autism in objectum ppl here if u want to glance over it: https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-019-56449-0

For me, I started using the objectum label coincidentally around the time I started finally figuring out that i was aroace and not attracted to real people. I realized that the love I feel for my friends is equivalent to the love I feel for my hobbies and interests which was also the same love i felt towards certain objects. I drew this out cuz i think its a lil confusing how im saying it LOL. Theres also a thing called "conceptum" which is the attraction to concepts which I think i actually fall more into, but I just go by objectum because it is more general.

You know how people will swear they have this great relationship with nature? How they feel so so connected to plants and how they love watching the ocean and how they wish they could live outside forever because the forest is a part of their flesh and blood? How they feel more alive feeling the earths fresh air and how nature teaches them things they never even knew about themselves? okay, so, why is this normal to say but once u turn it around into something that’s an object it is insane talk!! I feel like there's this interesting dynamic where its okay to be super attached to nature but kinda weird to be super attached to inanimate things but i think i am rambling & getting off topic!!!

Personally, I dont really have objects that im attracted to in the same way I would be attracted to a human. It is very broad for me. Others though, have certain objects that they really like and thats fine. For me, going by that label just makes me comfortable even if i dont fit into the literal definition. I like computers in general, not just my own personal computer. Objectum for me is just another way to say that my love for inanimate things can be just as great as my love for animate things. Theres just so much complexity and nuance in it that it is hard to describe unless you've experienced it yourself.

As for it being a coping thing, I've heard some people say its a result of not being able to trust people due to past trauma, but i dont believe that's necessarily true for the majority of people and not too good to generalize. Ive grown up surronded by friends and in a loving environment and am able to maintain relationships with living people, but also use the label of objectum because it makes me comfortable.

I can very much see how someone can look at someone saying theyre attracted to objects and just cringe a little bit and thats okay LOL. At this point, I have been exposed to so many concepts -being online so much and surrounded by so many diverse people- that i just dont even pay it mind. But, I know a lot of people have literally never heard of this label before and are just weirded out by it. I think honestly people need to think about the limitless potential a relationship can be when in the hands of such a complex being as a human. At the end of the day though, it doesn't hurt anyone but its also okay to be a lil unsure of it as an outsider. Just be kind to others!!

Im sorry if this is a bit of word vomit, if u cant tell i got a lil too into it & my thoughts tend to be rlly scattered LOL. thank u 4 the ask & plz let me know if u need any clarity on anythin cuz i know i am very hard to follow at times !!!

#ok to reblog #ask #objectum #os/or #WHY DID I WRITE SO MUCH #i didnt proof read this either so plz ignore any mistakes ToT #just know everyones experience is different #also sorry if u have like. no background on this stuff i kinda just presumed u knew the basic idea </3 #also also i did not know what u meant by roleplay sorry!!!

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tripleyeeet · 5 months

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10 CHARACTERS!

rules: pick 10 characters from 10 different fandoms and tag 10 people!

thanks @imgoingtofreakoutnow for the tag!

1. cybersix/adrian seidleman — aka my first impression of gender fluidity. this show came out when i was 4 and to this day i still mourn that it wasn’t longer. it was so insanely influential for its time in terms of gender rep (the main character’s disguise was a male school teacher who pretty much everyone had a crush on) and i remember genuinely crying to my mom when this show stopped airing at its regular time slot.

2. eris — at the ripe age of 8 this woman was my bisexual awakening. and honestly, more than likely the introduction to my obsession with villains. to this day i would literally let this woman do whatever she wanted to me.

3. loki laufeyson — the man, the myth, the legend. truly the one that started it all. the og summer blorbo. i’ve literally been obsessed with this man since i was a kid reading my uncle’s comic book collection past bedtime. so many iterations have come and gone (some better than others) but regardless this mother fucker has rotted my brain.

4. dr. spencer reid — probably the most influential character in regards to my writing. he was the first character that i wrote an entire fic about (along with an even longer sequel) which really helped me develop as a writer. also, now that i’m older i realize his neurodivergent rep was very affirming to witness!

5. fleabag — god, i could go on and on about how this character and phoebe’s writing makes me feel for a century so i’ll just say no other character has made me feel the way this one does.

6. silco — he’s everything i love in a character. from his overall design to his motivations and traits, silco is perfect and i thank arcane every day for creating him.

7. nick miller — watching this character is like looking in a mirror and i hate it. everything he does or says is so ridiculously specific to my psyche that i sometimes have to cover my face out of sheer secondhand embarrassment. i love him dearly.

8. ash — this is baby. my darling. my sweet cheese. despite her kit in game being very mid i will never main another character simply because she is the moment! her backstory is compelling. her and horizon’s relationship prior to the games is so interesting that i think about writing a 33737 page fic of it every day. i just love her and her broken little simulacrum brain.

9. mizu — she is everything i want in strong, female character. blood thirsty motivations that lead to unwavering goals, complicated relationships, the external hotness of a thousand suns. mizu is incredible and i am so happy that blue eye samurai got picked up for season two!!

10. astarion — wow, what a surprise! the vampire is here! who would’ve guessed? seriously though, i know i post about him pretty much every day and make jokes about how hot he is and blah, blah, blah but he truly means so much to me. all of the writers involved in creating him (and neil obvs) did such an incredible and sincere job. you can tell they put so much care into crafting his (and so many other characters’) story and i’ll forever be thankful.

tagging: @infinitystoner @use-your-telescope @the-lake-is-calling @the-lady-amphitrite @novarunestone @sunserenade @justporo @leighsartworks216 @aphrogeneias @lipstickghoulie (and whoever else wants to participate!)

#tag game

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krowmeats · 10 months

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I am quickly realizing you can use tumblr for literally whatever so here are cartoon characters that somehow managed to inform my gender identity even though I am a cis man and there is very little to figure out

These are all very stupid and I don't expect a single other human being to gain anything of value from the list. However, it was fun to make this list and I'm probably gonna look at it later and go "huh. neat" which is all you need to know sometimes

Death from adventure time I am not like him in any way he is just a synthesis of what I thought was cool and badass as a teenager and also a normal and kind of lame dude which made me go "Wow, that's achievable and you can do it without being some kind of shithead" The hierophant from adventure time Literally I just want to give off the same general vibe you get looking at him. Nothing about his actual character. I saw him and imagined a guy that was cool in a way that I thought would be fun to be and then kept that mental model in my head and ignored everything else about him Mayonnaise from Split the Room The exact same thing from the hierophant applies here. The only new thing to add is that I used the Mayonnaise mental model when visualizing the story of an Armenian guerilla fighter I was listening to in a podcast and the psychic cross contamination made me have to demote him from Abstract Aspirational Qualities Model Bob Belcher from Bob Belcher's Burgers Despite my total disinterest in Bob as a character whenever I think of the definition of masculinity I have cobbled together for myself his image just hangs out in the back of my head. And you know what yeah he does kick ass in that regard. He's pathetic and level-headed and he's exerting agency to provide for himself and the people he cares about. Good job Bob. The show you came from got kind of boring after a while. Mr Fox from Adventure time This is kind of a cheat one because Mr. Fox didn't inform this, it's more convergent evolution. But the respects in which I have molded my personality to be a specific Kind of Guy in the greater Guy schema have caused me to talk extremely like him. Will I pass through his guy territory onto greener guy pastures? Probably not actually I think I'm calcified. I'm not too torn up about it though Mr Fox from that Wes Anderson movie This one was when I was 14 I don't really think it applies now. I think his whole spiffy suit debonair adventurer schtick sucks actually. He's only on this list because I thought he was cool once and I don't want this list to be 75% tertiary adventure time characters Buck from Ice Age This one I was even younger and emulating him exactly is probably gonna be worse for you long term than Mr Fox (Wes anderson) but even despite that and the whole Grizzled Mountain Man(tm) thing I like him a bit more. There is a Buffoon quotient and an Extremely Disheveled quotient there that has embedded itself into my worldview.

#adventure time #bobs burgers #the fantastic mr fox #ice age #the last two aren't endorsements just to be clear they just wormed myself into my social schema when I was 12 #fandom

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hell0mega · 10 months

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i am also interested in the pronoun question you asked, because i use they/she as i prefer they/them and find she/her is fine but for me personally id rather people used they/them for me than switching it up. i think part of it is that in my own head i use both for myself but i’m not a massive fan of other people using she/her if that makes any sense? but then also some people have just assumed i use he/him for some reason and i haven’t corrected them so idk. hope you get some other answers!

this is exactly why i asked that question because I'm all for only displaying the pronouns you want people to use for you. for a long time i was "any pronouns" or "they/he/she" (in order of preference) but over time i said you know what, fuck it. they/them makes me the happiest so that's what I'm demanding from people

i will gender myself and still use binary pronouns to refer to myself sometimes and it doesn't typically cause dysphoria (cuz i know what I'm talking about lol) I'm also very pro-gender and people might describe me as fluid if i really explained my feelings but i like nonbinary the best as a label and gender neutral terms cause the most euphoria. so i go with that

i am still seen as binary in real life, I'm not out to everyone, and i decided it was more trouble than it's worth at this point to tell my school and future workplaces to use my chosen names and pronouns. so I'm kinda cosplaying as a cis person day to day, and i recognize that privilege

but if you really prefer one over the other, then just ask for that. you don't have to tell everyone in your life and you can have different requests and expectations for each corner you inhabit. i wouldn't put she as an option if you, in your own words, "rather people use they/them" and you're "not a massive fan of people using she/her." then your pronouns are they/them!! demand that if that's what makes you happy!

trust me i spent literally 7 years doubting myself over my identity. i felt like i was faking it or wasn't queer enough to demand that change from others. FOR SEVEN YEARS. AS AN ADULT. as soon as i realized nothing matters and i should just do what i want it opened me up to having the best time ever. I'm a girl I'm a guy I'm a mom I'm an old man. I'm all I'm nothing.

#pro tip you don't have to be nonbinary to use they/them pronouns #nothing matters!!!!!! do what makes you feel good!!!#edit: i should clarify that my irl friends and anyone i meet who is cool i am enby with chosen names #it's just like... random strangers and most extended family im like yes i am :) normal :)

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raymend · 5 months

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Unironically its insane that there was "if you dont wear your binder at all opportunities youre not really transmasc" discourse. like i dont even know how to describe how crazy and invasive that is to make assumptions based off of ones' willingness to put themselves through pain especially when like .. There's diminishing returns if you have a larger chest like some people do not consider it worth it especially when it IS relatively expensive AND painful

like also too how that happened literally alongside the weird ass misinformation campaign of like how you supposedly could ruin your chances to get top surgery from binding too much ... its literally so vile how absolutely toxic these communities were for kids trying to find their identity and how hopeless and dark they made it seem.

like i cant help but get mad at the adults who popularized this narrative and the isolation this kind of thinking created. its so messed up to tell that to 13 year olds figuring shit out for the first time who are already often extremely vulnerable and depressed its like. Okay so youre telling a depressed teenager that life doesnt get better and that you only deserve to transition is youre in horrific agonizing dysphoria 24/7.... like i dont know how you do that and be liek Ahaha look at me one of the good ones....

i also think too like back to the isolation piece.. when you are jumping down the throat of other trans people in a weak effort to be the most normal and valid and socially acceptable "one of the good ones" people obviously you cant empathize with people with different experiences from you... which in turn would have caused you to realize whats wrong with this kind of thinking in the first place.

idk. ive been thinking a lot about it recently because i feel like it still has its tendrils in me in terms of how i approach gender nonconformity + how like ashamed i used to feel for wanting to dress feminine sometimes lol now that im around trans people that are normal about this stuff BECAUSE they didnt absorb it im like Wow this did really bad stuff to my brain at a really tender time in my development and absolutely wrecked the friendships i had at the time with other trans people LOL

i think it's easy to look at it as an online discourse of yesteryear instead of like a genuinely harmful ideology that veryyyy much went along with other right wing/alt right rabbit hole shit. its really bad + the way that some people talk about it its clear to see that they don't see the genuine harm it caused/causes like. Guys i dont think this was a quirky phase i think you need to actually deconstruct your preconceived notions of the gender binary and abandon your obsession with optics in order to be normal about this for real

#ray.txt #long post #Sorry this is 1 million words im like if a guy was thinking

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sh5 · 6 months

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I’m so so so so sorry. no one should have to read my late night ramblings on society

@maple-leaf-in-autumn honestly, I need to do some Foucault reading to articulate exactly what I mean, but in skirting around his (and other’s) theories, what we are taught of justice is a societal construct that is based on humiliation and punishment as the thing upholding “justice”, when really what it upholds is the institutions of power. punishment should stop crime in our current theory, but it doesn’t, with nations upholding stricter police forces with more punishment actually having more crime, along with economic and discrimination issues.

with this in mind, the recourse I want is some sort of retribution for being misgendered, though I wouldn’t want that same punishment if i made that mistake (which I make frequently). this gave me a moment of pause, a moment of considering that “justice” as I’ve been taught it is simply a myth of victims being “given satisfaction” (if we want to take it back to medieval terminology and senses of justice), when in actuality, our actual systems of justice rarely target the “right” people (only 28% of pedophiles who are convicted serve jail time). just as many queer people i know deconstruct the societal institutions of gender and patriarchy, I think we can deconstruct why we as leftists push for prison abolition and the cessation of the death penalty; our forefathers in this realm of thought (George Jackson being the first to come to mind) have already made these connections, we as modern leftists are getting the drippings of their philosophies on social media decades later without a name or face attached and with poor education on radial ideologies in our schools, but rest assured there are people smarter than me who are saying this better than me decades before me.

All of this, of course, then calls into question the institutions of justice in our own lives. It calls into question how we raise our children and how we were raised. Modern theorists have said that “cancel culture” (i know, i fucking hate that term being used to discount accountability, but hear me out) is entirely based on this millennium-old institution that prioritizes punishment over supporting victims. Though I have many pushbacks to this, I think this is applicable when talking about small-time callouts, callouts for people with like 100 followers who wrote RPF when they were 12, people who are not “dangers to society” (said with tongue in cheek). We are those people who are effected by this (not at all new) need to publicize and categorize every mistake made to a larger audience for the purpose of shame or personal revenge (like people writing callouts about their ex). Even though you and I probably haven’t done anything abhorrently cancelable, this is a institution we are influenced by, or at the very least, the people in our lives are influenced by. This is why I fear being “canceled” for being manipulative in my real-life friend group of very-online queer people, because even as a person with a disability, many ableist attitudes have been repurposed into leftist language.

but unfortunately, to really internalize these concepts, sometimes you need the crack in the shell that breaks the institution open. I was already well aware of the injustice of the police; I lived in a heavily policed neighborhood where I witnessed (racial) injustice in action, but I started questioning the institution of justice as a whole (as Foucault and Jackson do) when I realized: I want justice out of emotion. My need for justice comes from an overinflation of offense that comes from a literal mood disorder. No one else in my life, even the person who was initially bothered by and told me about the misgendering, would ever be as harsh as I was being in my mind. Justice fulfills an emotional need, but I do not want my actions (nor the actions of my government) to be based on emotion. This was the real tipping point for me.

Also my best friend gets mad at me every time I say a Saw victim “deserved” it, and at some point I started to deconstruct that lmaoooo

#this is all over the place and really not well articulated and I may delete but like. I think some of it makes sense and also we all need #to read George Jackson #lee speaks

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hella1975 · 2 years

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Me with my internalized transphobia upon hearing what the new chapter is gonna be about: oh god. This is gonna destroy me isn’t it?

Me after reading it: I’m fine I’m so normal and okay and totally. Having normal emotions. None even I’m fine. They’ve only read about love in a thousand different stories and it’s never looked like them. That’s cool and fine actually. Unrelatable and fine. Didn’t take those words to heart at all.

Seriously though I know it’s was a gay thing and not a trans thing but it’s so intertwined. Being bi was easy for me but being trans was something I buried for 10 years and still do and it’s just like. I’ve read, I’ve watched, I’ve listened, and no one looks like me in these stories. And if they do they die or they are villains or they’re boring or background characters with no characterizations. That fucks with you. I didn’t realize exactly how much shame I carry about it until Zuko and Kanut were talking about theirs and ugh. I know in my head that it’s okay but I also know it’s something to be swept under the rug and hushed and privated. I know that I’m only safe in certain places. This has turned sad, my bad, but anyway. I saw myself in this chapter and I wanna thank you for writing it, it was very well done and you can tell you thought about it genuinely. Bato talking to Kanut about how much he loves despite it being unromantic/sexual killed me too. Also! I agree that current terms and labels are jarring to read in fantasy settings, I’m writing a book and I chose to have those labels at the front and just talk about them in the stories but not have the labels said cause it’s. Idk something about it is so weird to read. I love that you agree with that I haven’t seen anyone else with that opinion

ill answer the end bit first before we get into some serious things lol but yes! idk i just read things sometimes in various fandoms where modern lingo is used interchangeably with their universe and it just feels so out of place? like it feels like reading a sci-fi story and suddenly some guy uses the full latin name for a plant like in what world would that just be common knowledge lmao

as for your other comments, im so glad that you could see yourself in this chapter even if it might have opened up some wounds that were easier closed. i was very careful with the dialogue of ch40 and it saw me writing and backspacing and writing again like a million times for each sentence, because it was massively important to me that this wasn't just the 'zuko is gay and kanut is aroace' chapter, but instead the queer chapter. there's a really worrying trend amongst the tiktok generation atm that really sees queer identities pitted against each other. there's no nuance or intersectionality and it becomes 'bisexuals cannot relate to lesbians' and 'aspec cannot relate to other sexualities because i have a fucked up view that queerness is inherently sexual and dont realise how much that shows my age' and 'trans is a gender thing while gay is a sexuality thing so they dont overlap' etc etc. whereas in reality, and i tried to show this in ch40, the thing with being queer that underlies so much of our experiences is always that sense of otherness. zuko can painfully relate to the shit kanut says despite their experiences being incredibly different, one being gay and one being aroace, and it's literally just because they are both queer identities. and you know what? as much as i wanted the dialogue to be perfect so i tweaked it a lot, it was actually an incredibly easy thing to do. i found it very easy to write a mlm character and an aroace character despite me myself being an allo wlw. and im not saying my rep is perfect because it would be my honest to god worst nightmare to be put on a pedestal like that bc i KNOW i'll make mistakes and already have done, but it doesn't change the fact that the basic theme of queerness was very easy to tap into.

i guess what im saying is that being trans is a different thing to what we tackled this chapter, but like you said, it's also not. there's a massive community here for you with open arms, and that's not going to be a miracle cure, but you deserve to know from people who get it that it’s not something to be swept under the rug or hushed or privated. unfortunately, you're right about only being safe in certain places, but this is one of them and you will find others. queerness is beautiful and it makes you you, and that's never something to be ashamed of x

#sending love anonstie i hope you're doing okay x #ask #taob asks

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lunar-lair · 11 months

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busts down the door fuck it. off the cuff gender/sexualities headcanons for the rise boys/whoever else i decide. i havent fully considered these/written these out so it might be a hot mess have fun (its also 1 am this is your warning)

see leos a little Special. surprise trans leo is my fav thing ever so what I like to do is ambs (assigned male by splinter, he didnt know the cloacas were in different areas or to start squinting when leos shell got more concave. no i did not know those facts before surprise trans madness/my egg doc i made a whole cloth new however the fuck you say it reproductive system for this fucking turtle so he and his bunny boyfriend could have kids and i could torture him with sliders being oviparous. thank you less-depresso-more-expresso for your leo egg post in december it changed me fundamentally) -> oh . those are eggs. ok *whistling sound as he continues w his life* -> wait gender is a construct. maybe this is a gift -> genderfluidity slaps the kid in the face when theyre abt 17. also hes gay cause it feels right. so does some form of demisexual or romantic but i have a lot of opinions on how his dating life would go and how it would impact his character (rhinocio gets it if u know them. were besties u see) so i think that woudnt hit until more like 18 or smth like that maybe idk

in much more basic terms. genderfluid gay leo ftw we love a trans leo in this house. this goes whether or not you believe in Egg this kid is not cis mark my goddamn words

raph has always screamed she/he to me as she has to most people. im feeling bi. double bi also feels both very right and very funny his siblings would have a ball w that

if mikey doesnt use neopronouns whats the point. gender is a game and mikey is winning. sexuality is also a game and mikey is Still winning. goes w pan but literally would nebulously date anyone as long as they seemed cool and he liked them well enough. they and leo are shaking hands except leo is hoarding like she, he, they, and maybe a couple other neopronouns meanwhile mikey is like im everything all at once fight me abt it. so nonbinary in the everything kind of way. maybe. i have no idea what the name for this is but i know exactly the kind of vibe im talking abt

and ofc donnie is in the absolute opposite direction. he/they, more nonbinary than anything else. rise apritello star lastknownstatus-alive has allured me with aroflux donnie and considering i know like two things abt the aro and ace label existence im absolutely listening. definitely think hes on that spectrum though, it just fits. think hed look at the sexuality thing and go ...none of these are right. and then forgo it entirely. their sexuality is whoever is hot and whoever they fall in love with die abt it

this is where i say that trans man draxum means everything to me and also that man simply isnt straight nor is he allistic (i mean allo as in like hes definitely on the ace/aro spectrum and i didnt realize until rereading a while later but he is also not allistic tbf)

also splinter is bi i rest my case. pretty normal gender on that rat though, even with the gnc everything

april is so . that gender is so everything. hoarding genders like mikey but less so and also less aggressively. less everything all at once and more somethings sometimes and sometimes not other things. shes a solid inbetween of mikey and leo. my brain clocked bi but i honestly dont know why. help i dont know that many names and also i havent been in love in 4 years idk how the sexuality half of this works

also as a disclaimer we as a system (not in our bio bc Fear) identify as genderfluid (not that i know what the flag looks like . look i keep forgetting to look it up ok) but thats because its easier. a lot of us are sort of genderfluid or use multiple pronouns but remembering those gender experiences is HARD . accordingly any discussion of gender and the experience might be totally fucked bc were only so many genders bc there are so many people in this brain. ok im getting off the stepladder w my megaphone where i make separate points now onto casey

my baby my little guy. think the fam wouldve given him the opportunity to explore that stuff as much as he could in the apocalypse. im feeling he/it. thinks gender is a construct. too busy to find a label. would probably like bigender or genderfluid. kind of like mikey, technically works w pan but would date literally whoever whenever wherever as long as there was a preexisting relationship. dont tell him but hes probably demiromantic

and casey sr!!! my girl my lady! i could go either cis or transgirl on her, or even she/they or she/they/he, she does whatever she wants any day of the week. absolutely a lesbian though thats undisputed. also feeling demiro And demiace

this is your last warning that i sussed half of these out based on vibes Right Now. except for leo theyre on my mind 24/7. and mikey mikey felt patently obvious. same for donnie but only gender wise

ok im done now prommy. may or may not fuck around and make a background + oh yeah! thats me!! style fic for these guys if i feel like it. probably wont come out during pride but hey. you dont stop being gay when june ends yk. either way tada ill come back if i decide i was talking bullshit and correct myself later. bc i usually decide i was talking bullshit eventually lmao. probably partially cause im like 18 its a natural side effect of growth occuring at a faster rate due to my younger age. anyways this has been your twice annually actually long and headcanons/fun filled luna post. ill see you in like, october probably, unless i get ballsy, see you then either way lmao

#luna continues to talk too much about leo. news at 11 #alternatively: luna makes a long random non prompted headcanon post at 2 am on a summer night. news at 11 #lunas lies #rottmnt #rottmnt headcanons #rise of the tmnt #also sorry if the bullet points seem weird? thats what i use in concept docs it felt weird w/out it for the actual headcanon portions

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rjalker · 1 year

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Giving this its own post so the OP of this awesome comic about being AFAB and nonbinary without being transmasc doesn't have to deal with all the replies.

@xermaster123 said:

It's probably partly me aging out a little (about to be 30) But I spend most of my time in a friend group of exclusively trans and queer people, and I still find this unfathomably confusing sometimes. The longer I watch the more diverse and complicated the labels and terms get. I understand and respect the fact that everyone should be able to be who they want, but do we need to get this specific?

If me as someone who's in these circles struggles how do we expect outsiders to climb the ever growing learning curve of our language?

-------

My response:

It's nothing to do with your age, nonbinary people who are older than 30 also use these terms.

This comic is not about being hyper specific and there's not really anything "unfathomably confusing" about it. It's just saying that being AFAB and being nonbinary does not inherently mean you're masculine in any way, or have to identify as transmasculine.

If you really believe everyone has the right to identify how they want, then you should know that your understanding is not required for respect and compassion.

Saying that someone's labels are too specific (which isn't even the case here at all) is not being respectful, and is incredibly rude and exorsexist.

AFAB nonbinary people not wanting to be treated as though the only options are Feminine (cis) and Masculine (trans) is not complicated or too specific.

This really isn't a difficult concept, and you'd realize this if you put aside your own discomfort with nonbinary people not being easily sorted into boxes.

Nonbinary people do not have to identify as transmasc or transfem, they do not have to align themselves with masculinity or femininity.

Nonbinary people asking for respect without being shoved into a new Progressive™ gender binary is not "too specific" or "unfathomably confusing". Just let nonbinary people exist in peace.

But again this has nothing to do with your age. I know nonbinary people in their 40s and 50s who reject the labels transmasc and transfem.

But yeah, @xermaster123, your response is incredibly rude and exorsexist, so I'm hoping you'll read this and realize your comments were uncalled for and exorsexist, and apologize to the OP.

Saying that you're "aging out" of understanding nonbinary people because you're almost 30 is literally just exorsexist. Nonbinary people do not have an age limit, and neither does the ability to respect queer people. Saying that 30 is some limit for when you stop being able to respect Queer people is just so insulting to literally all of Queer history and all the Queer elders and other people who are older than 30.

Please do not use your age, which isn't even old, to try to excuse exorsexism. It's an insult to literally everyone in the community.

There is nothing stopping you from accepting and respecting nonbinary people who don't want to be shoved into new binary boxes, except your own unwillingness to respect people.

AFAB nonbinary people not identifying as transmasculine is not "unfathomably confusing" or "too specific." Neither is AMAB nonbinary people not identifying with transfeminine.

Telling nonbinary people their identities are "unfathomably confusing" and "too specific" is bigoted, even if you try to use your age to excuse it. (And no, your age has literally no impact or affect on this conversation at all. I am 28. 30 isn't even old. You are just insulting everyone by saying being "almost 30" means you suddenly cannot respect nonbinary people)

#replies #in a new post so the artist doesn't have to deal with people insulting zir identity on zir own art #exorsexism #nonbinary specific oppression #nonbinary specific discrimination #ceteromisia #transmisia

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godraet · 7 months

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i know i mentioned this before but once again i must mention that gan may have the title of "padishah" mighty king per tradition but also "bānbishnān bānbishn" queen of queens is what he would say is his secondary title, the tertiary one being "shahenshah" king of kings.

there's a 0% chance gerudo give any fucks about gender, they are literally the orc gender posts "punch muscle and melon crushing thighs" and by this i mean gan uses he/him pronouns and is a king but he is also a queen and unless zelda is present he is the strongest woman in the room at any given time and unless link is in the room with the master sword he is also the strongest man in the room, his gender is "power"

also a quick note on "are there other men among the gerudo" ok well the answer is yes and no, because again the genders are punch muscle and melon crushing thighs. the gerudo don't care what primary sex characteristics someone has-

"but my guy they don't let men in" hello i don't think i'd be too keen on any foreigners coming into my city if the entire history of my people was being supremely fucked over by outside forces- it isn't about the gender of someone, it's that they're all naturally wary of anyone who isn't gerudo! it's multi generational trauma! "and what about the whole every 100 years a male is born and is king by birth" ganondorf has not always been dmab, as the reincarnation of a god gender is absolutely irrelevant and even moreso in a community where gender is irrelevant! what this all means is that there's a series of omens and whatnot that happen and if they are all there, then it's a sign that this "hero of the people / mortal god" will be born again, and all of this shit only lines up every 100 years-

the gods thought they could send the gerudo into chaos by denying them a ruler and didn't realize that the gerudo already had shit down so lmao jokes on the gods!

"ok so where are these dmab gerudo then" often, they are healers, caretakers of the children, oracles and the likes. the dfab gerudo are more likely to become warriors because the society is, despite lacking any gender concept, "matriarchal", but also they can do whatever they want, the gerudo are just vibing!

"why are there terms then like vai or voe, then" ok so part of interacting with literally anything ever is sometimes culture blend. the gerudo weren't always so closed off from other races, they had plenty of trade and they learned from other cultures and other cultures learned from them- at its core, the gerudo language is a neutral language rather than a gendered language, so "vai" and "voe" are terms that they came up with because other cultures didn't necessarily grasp the lack of gender going on. when gerudo talk to each other, they sure aren't referring to other gerudo as vai or voe, they call themselves "vayam"

#hc tag tba #I VEER INTO THE REALM OF CONLANG!#anyway you can use whatever royal terms u want for gan he will respond #theogony‚ the legend of the forgotten god ╱ meta

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rowannothere · 7 months

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So… making a project with dogs as protagonists, and I was focusing heavily on how their culture would really revolve around family and realized there aren’t enough words in the English language for some family related stuff, so I made or found some!

Kin, Kith, Kinth, & Kib

Kin is your blood family, the family you’re born into, and to some, that bond is stronger than any other one can forge, as you can never truly separate yourself from your kin, but to others, kith is your true family, blood being an arbitrary bond to them. Kith is the family you gain through friendship, who you choose to spend time with and associate yourself with. Both can be referred to together as your kinth, whoever you pledge loyalty to and would fight alongside no matter what. A dog’s human family gets a unique word: kib. Dogs all see kib differently (they can’t even decide if they’re chosen or found) and not everyone has kib, so it’s hard to get a good consensus on them.

Examples of use for each in conversation:

“He is my brother.” “Kin or kith?”

“Everyone is kinth.” (This saying means to love and respect everyone equally, as if they are all your family)

Types of Love

There are many different types of love: family love, or storge; romantic love, or romo; platonic love, or plato; self love, or amare; obsessive love, or mania; unconditional love, or pragma; and playful love, or ludu. There’s also love for one’s kib, known as kiboe, which will also be important. Less importantly, there’s lust, which likely won’t be mentioned again since the target audience for this would probably be minors + they’re dogs so I’m not super comfortable with that aside from it just existing lol. Alternate to love, there is, of course, hate.

Common combinations of these loves:

Storge and pragma, storgma (unconditional love tied by bond of birth. No matter what happens, you and your kin are stuck together, for better or for worse—might as well make the best of it)

Romo and mania, romia (often related to infatuation and/or codependency, think Romeo and Juliet—I mean, they literally died for each other after knowing each other for less than a week)

Romo and ludu, rudu (playful, non-committed romantic love. Basically a puppy crush)

Plato and pragma, plagma (best friends forever basically, if you do everything together and are inseparable, this is the correct word for that)

Romo and pragma, romga (intimate and dedicated love, where a dog and their partner are bonded til death do them part)

Storge Terms

The love of a parent towards their pup is known as storgepup, whereas the love of a pup towards their parent is known as storgepar, and love between siblings is storgesib. These terms aren’t gendered because in this story there aren’t really gender roles, just biological sex. I thought about terms for extended family members but decided against it—love for them is just “storge” or if one values them even more, a grandparent or parsib (gender neutral uncle/aunt) could be “storgepar”, a cousin could be “storgesib”, and a sibpup (gender neutral niece/nephew) or grandpup could be “storgepup”.

Terms of Bereavement

Someone who’s lost a parent is called an orphan and a partner a widow, but what about someone who’s lost a pup, a friend, or a sibling? Well, someone who’s lost a pup is called a vilomah, which is Sanskrit for “against the natural order of things”, someone who’s lost a friend is called a fuguet (derived from the term fugue, a dissociative and sometimes hysterical state usually following trauma in which someone wanders, losing their identity), and someone who’s lost a sibling is called a twopaw (referring to how a sibling acts as a dog’s other set of paws in life).

Ok, that’s all! See ya later :D

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xoaashlee · 2 years

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Chapter 5: Gender

Looking at the second powerpoint on chapter 5 was very interesting. I’m very interested in the different pronouns that people choose to identify by and how they came to the conclusion of what they do identity by. Getting a little more personal, but going by they/them myself, I know sometimes it doesn’t take a long, drawn on explanation to simply say that I don’t identify with my womanhood, and I don’t identify with any form of manhood. I don’t enjoy the things that society has casted onto women that would be considered ladylike, like motherhood. I don’t enjoy having breasts or a uterus, none of it appeals to be, other than the fact of being feminine. I like to get my lashes done, get my hair, nails and feet done, but other than my gender expression looking more feminine most of the time, womanhood is not something that I can consciously identify with. Truthfully, growing up I felt very awkward as a girl, I thought long and hard to myself for a good portion of my childhood about if I wasn’t actually a girl, but a boy. I now know that isn’t the case either, but the concept of possibly transitioning was a thought I had in the back of my mind way before the new invention of social media and its take on gender. It wasn’t a difficult process realizing that I’m non-binary. I just realized that, autonomy aside, that being a woman felt super uncomfortable to me, and it never really felt like “me”, but neither did the idea of being a man. The idea of being a man was especially uncomfortable for me, before my pronouns were they/them, I tried to see if they/he/she would do me some good with not completely abandoning my biological sex. But expressing my pronouns with “he” in it made me so uncomfortable in the sense that I almost felt predatory talking to women and giving compliments, because so many men have made me feel uncomfortable with their compliments and the idea of identifying with some sort of manhood made me automatically think that I was also being predatory and potentially making others uncomfortable. Not a good outlook that I have on men, I know, but that ultimately helped me realize that one thing in my process of figuring out my gender identity.

Another thing with my gender identity now is my title to all family members, using gender neutral terms referring to me is going to be a hard adjustment. Everyone is already accustomed to the nicknames “mama”, “daughter” or “baby girl”, and while I do love these names to be called, it just reminds me overall that nobody actually believes that I’m non-binary. I told my mom, for example, because I know she’s open minded and this wouldn’t be a foreign concept for her as she works in diversity, equity, and inclusion. All she said to my confession was “alright”, and went right to misgendering me, calling me her daughter, “she”, etc. I would understand if I told my dad and he just completely forgot or ignored it (as bad as that sounds) because he has no knowledge on this concept whatsoever, but with my mom literally working in inclusion, working to make feel people seen and recognized, it kind of sucks to know she doesn’t treat her own child that way at home. This is probably one of the main reasons I haven’t told many other adults in my life, simply because it won’t really matter in the long run, I’m still a girl in everyone’s minds and there’s no real changing that. Among my friends, though? I get much more consideration and respect as far as that goes, and we all talk about our gender identity very often. We talk about gender neutral terms that we can use in the future, like “pibling” when you’re someone’s sibling’s child (niece or nephew), “unty/untie” as someone’s gender neutral aunt, even “quibling” as someone’s queer sibling. As you can see, these names aren’t very appealing to anyone, and are probably rarely used because of how awkward it sounds, but it’s nice to possibly be able to be called one of these names in the future, even though I might actually just prefer “sibling”, “aunt”, “niece”, haha.

Overall, I’m very happy with my gender identity and the process of which I came to realize I was non-binary. I’m happy I realize that gender identity and gender expression don’t have to go hand-in-hand for me to be able to still look and sometimes want to present as feminine, but that still doesn’t mean I’m a woman. Living in this society today on the topic of gender is probably one of the best times to be living, although there are a lot of downsides to our society today, we are still living in a relatively accepting society, and there are so many allies that fight for people like me to be able to openly identify, even if it doesn’t fully make sense to others.

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juvederm · 10 months

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oversharing, being mentally ill possibly

i genuinely don't know if this is a legitimate phenomenon or not, but i have friends who "IRL" characters (call them delusions at times), and i kind of don't get it. it kinda seems like kinning to me. i described how i felt about my attachment to josh, and my friend related to a T but still called theirs a delusion. and correct me if im wrong but like... aren't delusions something that u don't know is happening... like ur not aware ur being delusional. but my friends seemed very like, aware. complete opposite.

so they tend to get upset when you "double" (meaning like, you kin or "IRL" the same character as them), or shit talk the character in any way. i kind of related to that aspect, just being overly protective of a character. but since my friend related to me, i assumed i had like a safe space to vent abt my actual frustrations with like, having this heavy of an attachment so i'll get into that now.

because josh is like my most liked loved admired character in my arsenal, i always projected onto him. when i was 14-15, i didn't call him a kin, because i didn't exactly relate to his canon version. instead i made a version of him i related to, and he was Literally me at that point. but also not. and comically as time went on, i noticed i was becoming more like his canon version, but also staying like the projection version of him (bc he literally had the same interests as me, same music taste, same fashion sense, same everything). this all snowballed into a weird thing where now he's become apart of my brain. he has like his own thoughts and feelings and opinions, sometimes i say things that he thinks and it gets me in trouble at times. i worry that like he might take over? and that i won't have any original thoughts? even tho this version of him is a mix of canon and projection. like we have to share some of the same thoughts but sometimes it doesn't feel that way. like i differ from him in some ways, for example, he's like a different type of intelligent from me, he likes castlevania and fighting games, etc.

along with this, i also have a sort of gender envy for him. i always wanted to look like him, be socialized the same way he was, have all the same friends as him, like i really wanted to Be him. so i took his name as a start. and it's always been a smack in the face to look in the mirror and not see That. being confronted with a girl reflection.

so i coped pretty hard. it became somewhat dissociative? i don't know if that's the right word, but i genuinely departed from my physical self whenever i'd do my "rituals" (i say this tentatively because i know this is a term used for OCD, which i'm not entirely sure i have or not), and my rituals always had to be the following thing: between 1-4:30 AM, at least an hour long, they had to have a Story, and they had to be Useful. and another thing, absolutely NO LIGHT. and it wasn't like i wanted to do them (i sometimes did), i HAD to do them. i've been very irritable the past few days because i've been missing them (literlaly bc i fixed my sleep schedule loool) and it's just been upsetting me.

it became hard to do anything, i've had these rituals since i was a kid. they always had to do with something i was currently obsessing over. always at night too. nothing really changed there. when i got to high school, i realized i was never going to be josh, or that ideal projection of him. because he was Me but he was also Me If I Did Anything With My Life. but i got to school, i wore the same black hoodie everyday, i didn't talk to anyone, i had my headphones on 24/7. and talking to people physically made me ill. i actually could not do it, because i would have an out of body experience where i would see myself through the eyes of whoever i was talking to, and see myself as who i ACTUALLY was, rather than the person i became during my rituals. and it stressed me out every single day i went to school, and on top of me just being a very slow worker (i cannot do deadlines), having dysphoria and depression, i couldn't Do school anymore. so i dropped out.

and nobody got why i did, i'm still very much judged for my decision but it was for my Own good. i've not been Great but my quality of life definitely improved a little bit after i dropped out. and i hate socializing with people as who i physically am, i hate being perceived when i can't control what i look like (can't start T, can't cut my hair, can't dress masculine), so i'm just a Girl to everyone which isn't necessarily a bad thing. i just want to CONTROL when i feel like a girl, i don't want it to be my natural state because i want to be Both. a girl and a boy. during my rituals, i always feel like a boy. to be honest, i feel like josh. that's the best i can describe it.

and back to my original point, i basically said all of this (although more condensed), and admitted that i disliked that disconnect i had by looking in the mirror and not seeing josh, i think my friend got upset by that? by me saying like, i wasn't who i feel and thought i was, and i think they took it as me saying "ur not (insert character) irl, just look in the mirror" but that's not at all what i was trying to say. i'm not rly defending myself here bc who am i defending myself to? like whoever's reading this is not like, thibking im the villain hopefully

but yeah. anyway. did you pray today

#vent #u don't have to read but i'd appreciate if someone did bc i feel Alone

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