#i am not a good person

[ojay42]

12. Big Mama

My sis got a drawing tablet, so of course I stole it for this day :)

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt #rise august art challenge #august art challenge #rise august #rise big mama #rottmnt big mama #save rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #save rise of the tmnt #save rottmnt #unpause rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #unpause rottmnt #I am not a good person #:)

[vamp-mp4]

i am deeply in love with you.

good to know i’ve captured someones heart, but you barely know me babe.

you’re cute though, very cute 💚 you should send more asks if you wanna talk. i’m always up for a conversation!

#voicemail #you probably should love someone else though lmao #i am not a good person #seriously adorable though

[sweetface-the-dollbaby]

me if it was illegal to have reoccurring intrusive thoughts about murdering my friends who’ve done nothing wrong for no reason

#i am not a good person #meme #Vent ish #hhhhh #tw murder

[berriweb]

Wait- is 42 y(n still alive? What happened to her? Will we see her again?

if i was a good person id just tell you instead of leaving y’all hanging and waiting for me to post the next part to find out what happened to yn and why she disappeared

#I am not a good person #hitting y’all with another to be continued #reyreys anons :p

[palavrasdeputaria]

To the prettiest girl who ever did let me kiss her.

You will still be a dream I have from time to time.

The dream of waking up to sunlight wrapping your hair in a halo.

The dream of holding your hand and giving you kisses.

To dream of a life that seems so light and airy, with you.

Not being able to touch you hurts, but really that’s been hurting for a while.

Your dreams are always filled with sun and laughter. They are grasses swaying and slow dancing in the moonlight.

To the moon and back our dreams have lived.

Floating in the cosmos with starlight and sweetness.

I wished and wished in my sleepless nights to get lost in the dream that you would hold me instead of let me go.

To the moon and back but it got stuck somewhere in the atmosphere.

I dreamed in my insomniac brain that you would take my hand and not be able to let go.

Dreamed that we could be tangled together and find something in that.

Something that would keep it all traveling…

To the moon and back. If you had said so I would have kept trying to get us there.

I thought I felt what you felt when you were far away.

I think you’re the love of my life but here I am floating in the clouds hoping they’ll wash me of your scent.

Every poem I write after this will be different.

#faraway #heartbreak #heart ache #poem #poems #poetry #to the moon and back #i am not good #I am not a good person #missingmimi

[snaketearz]

guys I really think some people are meant to suffer and I am one of them

#words #november #2022 #I am only saying this for attention like always #I am not a good person #kind of want to die #how do I get out of this pickle

[theharlotofferelden]

Genuinely loved the experience of being at camp for the first time and seeing all the companions with their tits out like they're all gonna go clubbin or some shit

Then there’s Gale

Who's just. So utterly swagless that his clothes smell like dusty old books. My man doesn't give a fuck about the drip he's getting his ass ready for bed

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #baldur's gate iii #gale dekarios #bg3 gale #gale of waterdeep #baldur's gate gale #game: baldur's gate 3 #c: gale #i am once again shitposting about gale #he's just a guy #just a silly lil guy #personal: my posts #dragon age #personal: shitpost #post so good it was stolen by a popular blogger #pinning this post until i make a new art piece #i made that work of eufemia back in 2021 it's been like 3 years lmao

[pleasesendfrogs]

TW: transphobia, suicide mentions, ableism, racism, basically everything horrible white people created.

ever since i was little, i knew that i was different. i knew the way that my brain worked was unique. i knew the way that i acted was odd. i was different.

i loved the way that teachers said "everybody is unique!" because it made me feel like maybe, just maybe, i wasn't wrong. it only took a little while for me to realize that "everybody" didn't include me.

i knew i was a girl, but i didn't want to be. not in the sense that i didn't want to do stereotypical little girl things, i did, oddly enough, but in the sense that i was not a girl. maybe i was a boy, i thought, but maybe i was something else.

i came out as queer at age eleven. i was young, but i knew that i loved women and that i shouldn't love women. my mother took it well, although she thought it was a phase. my dad, an autistic, emotionally unavailable man didn't want "that life" for me.

i questioned my gender for the entirety of middle school, but when a child less than a year younger than me came out as transgender, their father killed himself. i decided to drop any idea of being trans.

i wore a pride flag to school one day as a protest.

i was scared, and i kept it in my bag mostly, but during the morning, i had it over my shoulders like a cape; i was a superhero. apparently superheros aren't invulnerable to slurs and rocks being thrown at them, because that night i attempted suicide for the first time in my life.

i watched as people purposefully misgendered trans kids. i watched as parents came to school board meetings, arguing that the sixteen year old with crippling dysphoria was going to cause their children to turn gay. i watched as the child whose father killed himself said that it was just a phase, he couldn't be gay. i watched as slurs were written on bathroom walls and before i knew it, i was the only queer kid left at my school; everyone else had left.

i ignored any questions i had about who i was; i lost my identity. i was a graveyard of hopes and dreams for a normal life. still, no matter how hard i tried, no matter how many masks i wore, no matter how many jokes i made, i was not normal.

i became popular. i was openly queer, and although some people still yelled at me for it, still threw things, most people ignored it. in return, i ignored the slurs about trans people. i ignored the red-necked, white teenagers as they compared trans people to nazis. i ignored the hatred. i ignored it until a black hole formed in my gut. i ignored it because they weren't saying it about me, no, they said i was "one of the good ones," and at least i wasn't trans, because maybe being gay could be forgivable to the lord, but not being trans, never that.

the black hole grew and it sucked up every ounce of dignity i thought i had. it swallowed and grew until there was nothing left of me, i was the black hole.

and when i lost my popularity, when i realized it was just a ploy to make them feel better about themselves, i accepted it. i became the black hole.

i grew to become something they hated, something unforgivable.

#purposeful lack of capitalization #vent post #transgender #actually autistic #growing up autistic #i am not a girl i never was #perhaps i am not a boy either #i am a black hole #transphobia #queerphobia #guilt #i am made up of guilt and crushed dreams #i am not a good person

[floccinaucinihilipilificationa]

#good omens #´hello friends!! how are you!! #I hope you're doing well! ( ´ ▽ ` ) #I have a big cough but otherwise I am good! It's nothign bad I am just very slimey #usually I am not a cough person I am not sure where this is coming from #most of the time I just get a stuffy nose #has my nose gotten stronger #but there are good news too I have already found a VERY good chestnut to put into my pocket this autumn!! its very small! (❁´▽`❁) #it's been a very warm autumn in Germany so far so it has not really felt like fall yet #but yesterday it was all rainy and stormy and I had two new books and it was the best day possible to have a slimey cough (: #and now I feel SO much autumn I am close to buying a set of window colors #I do not know what I would to with the window colors I just have this strong urge in me to buy a window color set #the last time I did a window color was at the birtday of a class mate I think she turned 9 and I made a deer #but for some reason we did this craft 5 minutes before we all had to leave so we had to carry our window color deer home wet #unfortunatly for the deer and me I fell down the stairs of her house and smeared the deer all over me and i screamed the entire drive home #which wasn't very long but it probably felt very long for the mother who had a screaming child covered in window color deer inside her car

[angrybell]

Next name needs to be checked off the list.

#I am not a good person #I want these terrorists dead #Israel #Hamas War 2023

[teaboot]

You need to make art that nobody else likes. You need to make art that speaks to you alone. You need to cradle a serpent that eats its own tail and you need to love it until it loves you back

#The best art I've ever made will never be hung in anyone's home #That's not the point #It's not about being good #It's about being real #It's about eating something unpalatable #It's about being consumed #And tasting bitter #It's gorging yourself on crude oil just to feel something different #It's biting your tongue to make yourself cry #I'm saying that I am capable of making you feel good through personal sacrifice but I kind of don't want to cut myself up like that #If you want my heart to taste good you have to prepare it yourself #That isn't my problem

[dailymanners]

Always use "excuse me" if you have to get into someone else's personal space.

Someone at the store is standing in front of the shelf where there's a can you want to grab? Don't just reach into their personal space without warning, say "excuse me" or "pardon my reach" first so that they at least have a warning that someone is about to reach into their personal space, and most importantly, so that they have a chance to move before you get into their space.

Or if someone is standing on a walkway or in a doorway you need to get through, don't just silently shove past them or squeeze past them, say "excuse me" so that they have a warning that a someone is about to squeeze or shove into their personal space, and they have a chance to move out of the way before you do you.

People deserve a fair warning if someone is about to squeeze or shove or reach into their personal space. A lot of people are not okay with having someone, but especially a stranger, randomly shove or squeeze or reach into their personal space without warning. They also deserve a chance to move out of the way first for the sake of their comfort.

Try to avoid just staring at people who are in your way and expecting them to read your mind that you want them to move. Most people cannot, in fact, read minds, so having someone stand in front of them and stare at them often only leads to making them feel uncomfortable and frustrated.

But also more importantly, if you are standing somewhere someone needs to get to, and they say excuse me, you should move aside for them even if just temporarily, so they can avoid the discomfort of having to reach into your personal space or squeeze past you.

If someone is saying "excuse me" it's because they would like you to move because they don't want to have to get into your personal space, whether it's out of respect for you, or just because they themselves are not comfortable getting in your personal space.

All of this goes double for people with trauma and/or people who are neurodivergent. If someone has trauma related to abuse or assault they may find it more upsetting or possibly triggering to suddenly have someone shoving or reaching in their personal space without warning.

Or, many types of neurodivergence can make it especially disturbing and unpleasant to have someone else in your personal space, especially without warning.

You can never be 100% sure who is and isn't traumatized and/or neurodivergent, so always practice respecting other's personal space by giving them a fair warning with "excuse me" or "pardon my reach" before getting in their personal space, and moving aside when you hear those magic words. Or, even if someone isn't traumatized nor neurodivergent, it's still fair to not like someone in your personal space without warning and not being given the opportunity to move first.

#manners #politeness #courtesy #good manners #etiquette #I'm so sorry I really tried to make this one shorter I really did #I trimmed the fat as much as I could but this was as short as I could bring myself to make it #Where I live most people will just shove into your personal space without saying anything #or just stare at you until you get the hint and move #and I hate it so much #Especially because I am both neurodivergent and have PTSD so I really hate people staring at me and/or shoving in my personal space

[mq-writes-ig]

there is not a single word i could say

that could erase every fucked up thing i’ve done

i wish i could go back

cover everything i’ve ever said

with whiteout and tape

i am a fucked up person

i don’t understand why you don’t know what

i am not pretty

not nice

i’m not being self-deprecating

i am trying to warn you

please step away

i will hurt you

turn that beautiful soul

into something twisted

like me

#not being self-concious or self deprecation #i am not a good person #please don’t try to see the best in me #i will drag you down with me #please please listen to me #i don’t want to hurt you #but i know i will #mentally unhealthy #struggling mentally #actually mentally ill #thoughts #poetry #writing #anxiety disorder #small writer #mentally fucked #tw depressing stuff #did osdd

[elizabethbennetonweeds]

i am such a toxic person i hate myself

#i can't help it #i am not a good person #i want to die #so people don't get to see the real me

[inkskinned]

there are a lot of posts out there that are positive and healthy coping mechanisms for handling the holidays. this is not one of them :)

i think there's like. going to be times in your life you will be stuck in a social situation that you cannot escape from gracefully. i do not know why the internet doesn't believe these times exist. it's not always just that your physical safety is at risk - sometimes it's legit like "i just don't currently have the energy or time to put in the effort of responding to this." sometimes it's a coworker you hate so much. sometimes it's just like, fine, you know? like you know you can handle your aunt when she's cheerily horrible, but if you actually set a boundary around her, it's going to be weeks of fallout with your father.

i don't know why people think the answer is always just "cut them out!" or "don't let them get away with that!" because ... the real world is tricky and complicated. i think kind of a lot of us have an internal "radiation poisoning" meter for certain people. like - i'm talking about the ones who are absolutely giving you gradual ick damage. like, you can handle them, but you'll be exhausted.

and yes. you absolutely should listen to your therapist and the good posts about handling others and set good boundaries and take care of yourself. prioritize peace.

HOWEVER :) ...... since im often in a situation with a Gradual Sense of Ick person i cannot just "cut out" of my life (without losing someone else precious to me) - i have sort of developed the most. maladaptive form of mischief possible. because like, if i'm going to have to listen to this shit again, i like to have a little bit of private fun with it.

now! again, i am physically safe, just mentally drained by this man. you should only do this with people you are not in danger with. which leads me to my suggestions for when your Unfortunate Acquaintance shows up and says oh everyone pay attention to me.

my favorite word is "maybe!" said as brightly and happily as possible. whenever the Horrible Person starts in on a topic you do not want to go further with, particularly if they make a claim that you know to be inaccurate, do not respond to it. you and i have both tried to actually argue with this person, and it hasn't gone well, because this person just wants the drama of an argument. however, "maybe!" gives them literally nothing to go on. it is incredibly disarming. they are used to people having some response. they know they can't prove what they're saying, and maybe! treats them like the child they are. it dismisses them in the politest way possible.

i like to say maybe! and then, in their stunned silence, immediately change the subject. this is because i have adhd and i will have something unrelated to talk about, but if you can't think of topics fast enough, i recommend just pointing to something and saying, "isn't that lovely?" because fuck you let's bring in some positivity.

by the way. that second trick - of pointing to something and stating an opinion about it? - that just works on its own, like, 70% of the time. i picked it up from teaching preschoolers. it's an intentional "redirect". it stops children crying and it also stops grown adults from finishing their explanation on why women belong in kitchens. dual wielding!

keep it silly for yourself. i absolutely do not care if people think i'm fucking stupid (it's more fun if they do) and as a result i will purposefully misunderstand things just to see how long it takes them to realize i've completely removed them from the subject at hand. when they say "women aren't funny" i get to be like. "which women." "all women." "all women in america?" "no in the world." "like the mole people? the people in the world?" "what? no. like, alive." "oh are we not counting the mole people?" "what the fuck are you talking about." "you don't believe in the mole people?"

similarly, i play a personal game called "one up me." my Evil Acquaintance literally knows this game exists (my family & friends caught onto it and now also play it) and it always fucking gets him. i don't know why. you have to be willing to be a little free-spirited on this one, though. the trick is that when they make one of those horrible little bigoted or annoying comments they are always making, you need to go one unit weirder. not more intense, mind you - just more weird. "you don't look good in that dress." "yeah, actually, my other dress was covered in squid ink due to a mishap at the soup store." "you shouldn't wear such revealing clothes." "wait, what? oh shit. sorry, your son tears off strips when no one is looking and eats them. i swear it was longer before we left the building."

the point of "one up me" is to completely upend this person's narrative. we both know this person likes setting up situations where you cannot "win" and then they really like telling other people how badly you handled it. in a usual situation, if you respond "please don't say something that rude", you're a bitch. but if you let it happen, you're letting yourself be debased. they are not usually expecting door number three: unflappably odd. because what are they going to say when they're telling everyone how badly you behaved? "she said my son eats her dresses" ".... okay?"

if you can, form an allyship with someone whomst you can tagteam with. where they can pick up on your weird "soup store" story and run with it.

the following phrase is amazing and can be deployed for any situation: "oh, be nice :) it's the holidays!" i do not know why this works as often as it does. i'll say it for the most random shit. i think this is bc most of the time these people know they're being impolite, they just like to fight.

godbless. when in doubt, remember that you could always start stealing their pens.

the whole point of this is - if you can't escape. maybe see how long you can just be. like. a horrible little menace.

#this is objectively bad advice #don't listen to it protect yourself and do real work on yourself find one of the good posts i've made about this #but also. u know. if u want to have fun while u do the work of setting boundaries #.... it IS fun #i will say that my fear of him went SO down after i just started. fucking with him. #bc i used to get SO fucking upset #i'd spend WEEKS arguing with him. tearing my hair out. sick with anxiety and dread and anger about all of it #and now i just LITERALLY do not engage #instead i'm like '' haha :) mole people" and get the HELL out of any tense conversation #i kind of think some of these people are literally addicted to drama as a form of connection #they like the rush they get from arguing #but those arguments are incredibly damaging for me #so like..... i am in the process of literally rehabilitating this person to figure out how to find connection thru #NORMAL CONVERSATION #he doesn't get it yet #i also do talk to them like they're preschool kids lmafo . ''are you using a safe and kind voice right now?'' #'' do you need a snackie? you sound a little upset. let's have some hummus and come back to playtime when we feel ready''

[ale-arro]

been going a little bit insane about this sentence from Ace by Angela Chen for the past week

#replace this with any other type of significant relationship too #also! this book actually rules btw i really recommend it #i didnt read it when it first cane out bc i was like. well i am already pretty familiar with asexuality and not rly interested in 101 stuff #but it turns out it doesnt feel 101-y at all its a super awesome piece of queer theory and also chen has Good opinions #and not weird watered down ones that i am sometimes wary of in aspec communities (frankly especially ace ones) #i think maybe if more people approached asexuality the way chen does (including and maybe even especially ace people) #i would be more inclined to still ID as ace #but anyways! #aro #aromantic #<- tag selections that reflect how i personally engage with this quote #also #described in alt text #also also #j tag #:/ #aro media