#i can't stop loving you because i don't have faith that God's got you. I've seen it. maybe. I've convinced myself that God is in your life

[lenaellsi]

Something I've been thinking about: Crowley was not sent to kill Job's children.

(Under the cut for length; this got away from me.)

I think we can safely infer that Hell actually did send him to destroy the goats. He has his permit ready when Aziraphale shows up, and even cheekily calls himself one of Satan's "diabolical ministers." I wouldn't be surprised if he was sent to supervise the family during the bet as well, reporting in on whether Job seems to be losing faith. We don't know whether he volunteered for the assignment or whether he was chosen because he's one of Satan's favorites, but it's clear he's meant to be there in some capacity.

But it's specifically mentioned in the basement scene that Satan sent a storm to kill the children. Not Crowley--a storm. And that means that Crowley is in that house against orders. He's not just refusing to do something terrible on behalf of Hell, he's actively working to thwart them. That's a step further than "a demon who goes along with Hell as far as he can" would imply, and it has to be incredibly dangerous for him to meddle in something Satan has such a keen interest in. So why help these humans in particular? He can't save them all--he knows that. He knows that better than anyone. (Nothing lasts forever.)

And there are a lot of reasons Crowley might choose to help Job's family, despite the risks. We know from the Flood that Crowley is disturbed by the idea of killing children just to make a point. We know that Crowley loves humanity, and that he dreads their eventual, inevitable destruction. We know that Crowley is brave enough to stand against Hell when it counts, even when it could mean his own death.

But I'd argue that in the case of Job and Sitis, it's personal. He's angry about this bet because it cuts to the core of the reason he Fell in the first place. This isn't about getting one over on Hell; it's about God. And we know that because the moment Crowley intervenes at the end, the moment he runs into a room full of archangels with no plan and no allies except an angel he's still not sure he can trust, is the moment where Sitis snaps.

Sitis is surrounded by impossibly powerful beings, the only human in the room save for her husband, who still refuses to fault God for anything. She is distraught, raging at the unfairness of it all, the callousness of the angels who have shown up to congratulate her even as she drowns in grief for her children who will never grow up. (Plenty to say here about star nurseries, about wasted potential, about futility and senseless endings--but this post is too long already). So she says so, because what else does she have to lose? If my children are dead, then I will curse God--

Enter Crowley. That never ends well, he says, barging in with a big silly grin, but we've seen Crowley as an angel, now, and we know what he means: I know how that ends. I know how it ended for me. I won't let you Fall the way I did.

This is especially interesting because earlier in the episode, Crowley seems to be nudging Job the other way. I burn with fury, Job says, and Crowley says of course you do. (That's just how it started for me.) Crowley is encouraging Job to see things his way, zeroing in on the righteous rage he thinks he's hearing, because truth and knowledge are important to him. Crowley has never been able to stop himself from offering the apple, even when he knows the stakes. (See you in Hell.)

But then Job turns his anger inward. If he's being punished, he reasons, if he's so horrified by what must be God's will, then he must be the one at fault. (I lied, Aziraphale sobs, to thwart the will of God!) And Crowley is visibly confused, maybe even a bit frustrated. What do you mean? What have you done? And you know he wants to say, You didn't do anything wrong.

Neither of us did.

Because he knows. He's read the contract. He knows that Job is a good, kind man, and that he's done nothing at all to provoke God except to be the perfect pawn for Her game with Satan. He knows that if Job objects to the obvious injustice he's suffering, he'll be damned for failing a test he had no knowledge of and no hope of passing. And of course that feels familiar. How could it not?

The Job contract is as much confirmation as Crowley will ever get, from a God who answered his first questions with a Fall into boiling sulfur, that his suffering has never been 'deserved.' God is willing to take the best of the humans, Her special favorites, the ones his stars were built for, and cast them into damnation at the first sign of doubt. So when he Fell--

You didn't do anything wrong, Crowley is thinking, as he sees Job in his despair and Sitis in her fury and the children in their fear and Aziraphale in his guilt. And even if you did, even if you weren't perfect, even if you were angry and resentful and full of doubt, how could any transgression be worthy of this?

I'm sure plenty of people have talked about how the flashbacks in S2 are from Aziraphale's point of view, and course the purpose of that is to show the audience how he comes to his decision in 2x06. We follow Aziraphale closely this episode, from when he first hears about the contract to when he decides to lie to the Supreme Archangel's face. It's an important story beat for him, one of the high points in his character arc. This episode isn't about Crowley, really--it's about what Aziraphale thinks of Crowley, and about Aziraphale's long journey to discovering his own sense of right and wrong outside of Heaven's dogma.

But that means that we never see Crowley accept the assignment to kill the goats. We never see him worry over the danger he'll be in if he refuses. We learn that he's going against Hell only when Aziraphale does. Crowley isn't the kind of person to stew in self-reflection--he spends millennia doing his best to outrun his own emotions--but even if he was, we as the audience aren't often privy to those thoughts. Crowley is as closed-off to us as he is to Aziraphale for most of S2's flashbacks.

But we still get more than enough to understand exactly why Crowley is so disgusted by the offer to return to Heaven. Because the one scene in the Job minisode that happens before Aziraphale shows up, and one of the only scenes in the flashbacks that takes place from solely Crowley's perspective, is this speech:

You should know why you’re about to die. God has abandoned you. The god who claims to love you, who demands your praise, has given you up to be destroyed.

Bad luck.

#good omens #good omens 2 #good omens meta #crowley #rambling on about 2x02 because it turns out it still makes me feral #long post

[vonev]

What if Ghost is a toxic boyfriend?

Let's be honest, he can be so fucking toxic a lot of the times.

The constant hot and cold attitude of his, how he treats your relationship like an on-and-off switch, not to mention the way he disregards your feelings with a snap of his finger either.

"I already fucking told you I don't want to go." He didn't mean to yell at you, but you infuriates him to no end sometime.

"It's my birthday party, Simon!" you hadn't meant to snap at him either, but how could you not when he's doing everything he can to avoid hanging out with you? His own girlfriend?

"Because I don't fucking care!" He really didn't mean that, he swear, he just wanted you to stop yapping his ears away when all he wanted to do was to relax with you and spend the night watching your favourite movie--not see you whore yourself out to the world wearing that tight little number that only he can look at, all at a nightclub while he can't do anything about it.

The argument leaves a bitter taste in your mouth when you left the flat you both shared--you didn't even enjoy the night, spending it crying into your friend's shoulder at her place as she was rendered speechless at how ruthless Simon acted toward you.

"You don't need him, babe," her hand rubs soothing circles onto your back as you heaved into her chest, soaking the collar of her dress. "You can do so much better than him."

You believe her at the moment: that yes, you can leave his ass, and you will. So you sent him a text:

I'm done. I'm breaking up with you.

And you'd continue to cry into the bed your friend kindly lent you.

It wasn't in the plan: he knocked on your friend's door that faithful midnight with a bouquet of flowers in his hand, you recognize that he had specifically picked out ones that meant something--a heartfelt apology, like he had poured his heart out into it. So when you wrapped your arms around him, you dived right back into the same old habit of excusing his shitty behavior yet again as you both left your friend's flat and went back to his.

But God is the way he holds you when you're in bed so fucking addicting; how he trails his fingertips along the edge of your skin teasingly, nose nestled into the crook of your neck as he breathe you in like drugs, taste you like one. Laps his tongue so beautifully on you it has you seeing stars from the back of your lids, a hand clutching at his blond strands while you're fighting God himself internally as you came undone on his lips.

"Don't you have another bitch to fuck, Simon?" because every time he'd argue with you, he'd tell you that he'd leave you for another pretty bait. That you're nothing but a warm body and a pretty mouth for him to use. Of course, you believed him; because he's so beautiful without even trying, and because you see the endless seas of messages from equally gorgeous women swarming his texts.

"Don't need 'nother one when I've got the perfect one in my hands, love."

And he looks so pretty when you're on your knees, you peering up at him, tongue swirling around his angry tip and him throwing his neck back whimpering sweet nothings that has you sneaking a hand in-between your legs to soothe yourself temporarily--you know nothing will ever come close to how it feels when he'd hilt himself deep inside you, though.

He gives you everything that night--swears day and night he'd never raise his voice at you again in exasperated gasps as he finds himself digging into your guts with his cock, the squelching of your pussy mixed with his spit leaves you crying and scratching his back with fresh manicure. "It's my honour, love," was what he said when he swiped his card to pay for your nails; knowing him, he just wanted to see bloody trails and angry scratches on his back in the morning when he wakes up.

Honestly? You give in.

You give in because you're tired of it all--of his tactics, how easily he has you wrapped around his finger and cumming on his cock whenever he wished for it. You curse yourself for being so weak, forgetting about each and every promises you made to your friend about breaking up with him when he has you writhing and squealing under him so easily. He took care of you so well, too. Wiping you up after he destroyed your pussy (and probably the bed) then tucking you into his way too comfortable duvet that had you forgetting about the reason you were mad at him the first place.

You tell yourself you can't be blamed, that he's the one at fault for being so insatiable and fucking toxic. But a deeper part within you knows that you look like a fucking fool every time you crawl back to into his arms. When he has you shaking like a stray leaf the next morning, waking up with a knowing ache between your thighs and a sore throat from the night before.

You don't check why your phone has been blowing up relentlessly ever since you left during midnight--you knew what was to come, but you don't dare to face it. So you wrap your arms around his waist, trailing light feathers onto the marks you left on his back, whispering good morning into the crook of his neck and all you get is a soft grunt in response.

Shamefully, you push away the other part of you that screams in the back of your mind; alarms blaring inside your head, it's another part of you that just wants to protect you from the hurt, from the mental trauma he'd inflict on you.

But you never listen.

#angst #hurt/no comfort #toxic love #toxic relationship #simon ghost riley #simon riley x you #ghost x reader #simon riley x reader #ghost x you #cod mwii #simon riley #jesus christ this was a lil tough to write #toxic but pretty bf simon :p #drabble #why do i do this to myself

[zmediaoutlet]

Survey results time.

At time of downloading the data we got just over 300 responses, which is not bad for a survey that was long and complicated to take! I'm sure my shamelessness helped. Being a survey for a specific crowd, we also didn't get anyone (as far as I could tell) taking the survey in bad faith, which is a legit surprise. Special shout-out to the several people who, when asked to write literally anything to say they understood what was going on, wrote "literally anything"; additional shout-out to the person who wrote "penus and hole" (sic). You get it, anonymous person.

I'm going to share the top results for the questions here, but I'll also include the raw data as a sheet at the end in case anyone wants to actually go through it with a fine-tooth comb. This is not a survey where cute pie charts or graphs would be useful or readable, so get ready for some sweet-ass numbers:

Story Genre

Unsurprisingly, our leaderboard for most favorite story genre in the 'Anytime!' category is as follows:

Hurt/comfort (153 votes)

Angst (142 votes)

PWP (139 votes)

We just like the guys to get the shit beaten out of them, angstily, and then they can feel better by jerking off about it. The ideal evening.

The big loser in genre, with 34 buds flat out saying "not for me", was Dark!fic. That said, Dark!fic also got 112 votes (third highest) for "has to be JUST right," so we can probably take from there that while as a group we don't hate dark content, we have pretty strict definitions for a) what counts as dark, and b) what kind of dark we're willing to take.

Gencest/gen was arguably the most 'eh, idk?' of the genres, with respectable showings in every category from Anytime to No; most people don't hate it, but people aren't really seeking it out either. It's definitely There.

Story Setting

The winner of most 'Anytime!' votes for story setting is close to my heart; the podium is:

Bunker era (142 votes)

Canon-close, codas, etc (129 votes)

Pre-series/weechesters (126 votes)

It feels good to know that canon is on our side. This may help explain why various alternate universe settings didn't do so hot with the respondents -- the least fave according to this survey is an age!swap AU, followed by a raised apart!AU. Writers who are making Sam the big brother who lives in Cleveland while baby Dean lives in Seattle, you keep living your truth, but readers are rearing back.

That being said, while Canon Divergence isn't an overall winner, it has a full 149 votes in the 'Dig it' category; so, while we may generally prefer canon, we're willing to be led on a garden path away from it. We just want canon to be within shouting distance, at least.

Canonical Character Variants

Here's where the survey gets more complex. I've always been interested in how and why people are fandoming about things, and simple 'yes/no' surveys rarely dig into that meat. The point of the superego/ego/id separation is to really interrogate -- hey, do you like to read about (for example) soulless!Sam because you find it interesting on a high-minded level, or because your heart-strings are getting tugged even if you think it's kinda dumb, or just because it makes you so hornt-up you can't think straight? All are valid, and all are possible simultaneously, but it's interesting to prod at to see how the interest is working. You might also just be like, eh, it's fine, or GOD, STOP, and that's fine too. So, with all that said:

Superego winners:

demon powers!Sam (202 votes)

soulless!Sam (177 votes)

blood addict!Sam (160 votes)

Y'all like to really brain about how Sam is fucked up. I get it.

Ego winners:

Trials of Hell!Sam (186 votes)

blood addict!Sam (180 votes)

demon powers!Sam (161 votes)

Still all Sam, and no surprise that his saintly pale sleeplessness is winning the heartstrings battle.

Id winners:

demon!Dean (205 votes)

demon powers!Sam (175 votes)

blood addict!Sam (165 votes)

Again, no surprise: fandom girlies (gn) love their bad boys, lol. Soulless snuck in at #4 here with 163, presumably because working out still wearing a belt was juuuust dorky enough to kick him off the podium; #5 was Smith & Wesson at 162, probably because if they'd been left in that AU for ten more minutes they would have been fucking over the top of Dean Smith's desk. Glad we're all on the same page, there.

The nopes here were an interesting mix. In the full-on No Thank You category we had Michael!Dean and Gadreel!Sam (with 52 and 53 votes respectively) -- it would be interesting to know if that was due to dread of the storyline specifically, or just how No Bad Wrong it felt to have it happening. These two also led the 'meh' category, although they were joined on the podium of bad by Endverse!Dean (128 Meh votes), which frankly shocked me. Y'all aren't into his thigh holster? C'mon now. Sure, he murders his friends without compunction, but -- thigh holster!

Story Tropes

These ones were fascinatingly all over the place, which is exactly why I wanted to do this. Going to just run down the S/E/I podiums real quick, then 'Hard sell', then No --

Superego winners:

Outsider!POV (211)

Someone Finds Out (191)

Mental health issues (190)

Ego winners:

Mutual pining (252)

First time (242) AND Sick/injured (242)

First time in a long time (235)

Id winners:

Jealousy/possessiveness (224)

First time (218)

First time in a long time (180)

Now, part of what's interesting about these is how they fall off in other categories. Outsider POV wins handily at Superego with 211, but then drops all the way down to 92 votes at Id -- which isn't nothing, but clearly it's preferred to have a heckin' think about how other people view the incest relationship, rather than thinking it's just So Hot that people might. Similarly, while people do think it's so so hot for one brother or the other (or both!) to be possessive at 224 votes, when it comes to the superego that drops right down to 134 votes, presumably as the brain wakes up and goes RED FLAG!

Entering the land of no thank you, we shall have two anti-podiums:

Real hard sell:

Infidelity (127)

magic/powers!Dean (125)

Unrequited/no relationship upgrade (110) AND "Carver Edlund" fandom

This is a much more mixed bag. Infidelity and Unrequited are no surprise here, because it Feels Bad, Man; magic!Dean also not really a surprise, given that most of our respondents prefer being closer to canon, and Dean is very much our mundane buddy in the show as presented. (A delightful buddy, but a distinctly nonmagical one.) Carver Edlund fandom makes me laugh mostly because it's such a bananas thing to exist in the show. Sam and Dean reading big bang fics about each other? Collectively we just... don't know what to do with that. Weird.

Squick/No/Maybe one exception:

Permanent character death (140)

Infidelity (108)

Eating disorders (102)

Again, no surprise in the anti-winners of 1 or 2 here, but number 3 surprised me, personally. ED fic used to be a pretty big wedge of common tropes that people would seek out. Perhaps it's gotten less popular over the years? Or perhaps just that the people who like it REALLY like it and so chat about it out loud, while those who don't quietly bury it in sand, lo as a cat does with their leavings.

Most extreme delta in 'general interest' (whether that be S,E, or I) to 'ehh' (whether that be Hard Sell or Squick) is first time. Y'all loooove your first time.

Sexy Tropes, Vol. 1

This is where I really wanted to know if people could pull apart their interests between brain and heart and guts. Hopefully people were honest, as requested. Some of them we know are slight liar answers, because the hits on AO3 tell a story that can't be refuted -- nevertheless, here's what people were willing to admit to.

Bulletproof kink/will read any version:

Bedsharing (158)

Incest kink (139)

Size kink (133)

your friendly neighborhood survey creator is jumping up and down going 'wooo' that size kink made the podium. also I hope everyone understood that incest kink meant, like, indulging in the incest of it all via 'oh you're so totes my brother and i want to suck your dingle for that reason specifically', but I realize that could've been clearer.

Easy sell/you don't have to work hard for me to enjoy:

shameless bottom!Dean stuff (151)

switching (147)

voyeurism (138)

the first one here genuinely surprises me considering what I see getting written most often; is this a case of just not being in the right venn diagrams, or the 'easy sell' just not matching up with what people are being sold? Curiouser and curiouser.

Medium sell/not my fave, but I can see how it appeals:

bad/awkward sex (120)

phone sex (114)

in [drug/alcohol] veritas (110)

edging into awkward town in a few ways here: we don't love these, but we can see how it'd be fun. or not fun, in the case of bad sex.

Hard sell/this is unbelievable or uninteresting so you have to work hard to get me to enjoy it:

always-another-gender!AU (84)

multiple Sams or Deans (73)

genderswap (magic) (72)

so, in general, we prefer to keep the penises around and intact, but just one Sam penis and one Dean penis, please. Here, I'm interested that the volume is much lower than in the top category: maxing out at 84 hard sells compared to 158 bulletproof options means that we're willing to give more of these tropes a chance, even if they're not our faves. How accepting we are!

Squick/no/maybe one exception:

always-another-gender!AU (83)

A/B/O elements (65)

multiple Sams or Deans (51)

strong overlap with the hard sell; and, keeping in mind that people were able to choose multiple options, it's possible that some of those were identical votes. Again, please keep the penises straightforward and only two at a time. A/B/O is interesting here, especially given what we know of how well it does on AO3; while it's a big squick for a lot of people, it also has decently high votes in bulletproof/easy, averaging 82 votes. Mixed bag!

Sexy Tropes Vol. 2, Electric Boogaloo

Bulletproof kink/will read any version:

Possessive/claiming sex (129)

Marking (hickeys/bruising) (116)

Hair pulling (103)

Let's glance back up at the Id winners in the story tropes above, hmm quietly to ourselves, and move on.

Easy sell/you don't have to work hard for me to enjoy:

Marking (hickeys/bruising) (135)

Hair pulling (130)

Possessive/claiming sex (121)

Well, that's boring. So let's expand so as not to be repetitive:

4. Dub-con (116) 5. Dom/sub (113) AND Underage (113) 6. Knifeplay (107)

There we go. Pretty easy to put all of those into one fic, too.

Medium sell/not my fave, but I can see how it appeals:

Blindfolds (128)

Painplay (116)

Shibari/rope play (112)

We're starting to lose interest as accessories come into play. Interesting to compare D/s and its relative success against painplay -- so, tell him what to do, but don't hit him while you're doing it. Fair enough.

Hard sell/this is unbelievable or uninteresting so you have to work hard to get me to enjoy it:

Fucking machines (94)

Vore (80)

Mommy!kink (77)

Entertaining mix here, haha. General feasibility may be rearing its head here. (Also, for my own entertainment: daddy!kink got 67 Hard Sell votes. People generally prefer to keep it as horizontal incest, not vertical incest.)

Squick/no/maybe one exception:

Feederism (164)

Vore (161)

Extreme underage (157)

No surprises here, although some fans of the nibbly variety of wincest may be disappointed by vore's poor placement. Note also that 'extreme' is in the eye of the beholder; we'll leave aside value judgments, as we have for the whole survey, and note that people are not indulging in a version of underage they find to be personally past the line, or at least are not admitting to that.

At a glance, the closest matchup between bulletproof for some and a squick to others is bloodplay, with just 1 vote separating the two categories: 44 bulletproof, 43 squick. Next time someone tries to tell you that 'everyone' likes or doesn't like something, please take it with an entire shaker full of salt.

Dynamic & Position Preferences

I tried to encourage people not to think too hard about this one and just answer on instinct. Who knows if that worked. But here are some overview takes:

Toppy/dominant: Sam takes the lead here, with 69% of respondents being in the 'Love it!' category. Nice. (217 votes)

Dom Dean earned a respectable 52% of 'Love it!' votes (163).

However, I was also interested to check out the inverse --

subby!Sam: 44 'Very no thank' votes (13%) subby!Dean: 27 'Very no thank' votes (8%)

It's interesting to leap way back up and compare that against 'shameless bottom!Dean stuff' doing so well in the rated E categories. Makes you ponder.

Actual sex position: Frequently switching takes the win here, with 61% of the vote (194 votes). Sam always topping edges out if people must choose, with 144 votes; Dean always topping is our lowest choice, with 112.

Service!topping: this is a fairly niche fic type, but it does still exist -- I guess in a world of bottoms someone's got to actually get up and do something, and it is hilariously an almost perfectly even split:

service!top Sam: 50.17% (151 votes) service!top Dean: 51.50% (155 votes)

A healthy percentage of people said they didn't care about these questions either way, and more power to them. However, they were wildly outvoted by those who did.

Multishipping Time

Our final categories are when other people get their grubby hands on Sam or Dean, either canonically(ish) or in our fandom activities.

Canonical relationships for Sam

Jess wins, quelle surprise. :) 161 people Dug It and who can blame them.

Amelia LOSES, shocking no one: 112 people said Fuck That.

Eileen was definitely a mixed bag; her results, in order, were: Meh: 92; Fuck that: 76; Worse than meh: 66; Dug it: 44.

Canonical(ish) relationships for Dean

Note here: it was too unbalanced if we only went with people Dean officially dated. However, the show leaned hard into a few unrequited male relationships for him, which we included here, and no one sent me hate about it so I guess that was fine.

Benny wins the Love It! category with 129 votes, barely edging out Cassie at 122. Benny is best boy, so that fits.

Cas loses with a full 99 Fuck That votes, which is probably what we'd expect from a wincest survey. That said, he also got 93 Dug It votes, so it's a pretty balanced showing.

Poor Lisa sits firmly at Meh with 148 votes. It's not that we hate you, Lisa; we just don't really know what to do with you. Which is pretty much how the relationship went in the show.

Shipping Sam like FedEx

We returned to the S/E/I model for shipping as we did for tropes, because it means something very different to go 'oh sure, I can see how that would be interesting' vs saying 'I want them to fuck rawnasty and I don't care why they're doing it.' Apologies if I left out your favorite side-ship but, shit, there's only so much time in the day.

So, we return to the podiums:

Superego:

Ruby (132)

Rowena (121)

Cas (102)

Ego:

Rowena (121)

Cas (106)

Ruby (90)

Id:

Ruby (125)

John (121)

Rowena (118)

So that was going on sedately until Dad came in like a hammer. Fascinating. On the other hand:

No:

Lisa (234)

Donna (222)

Claire (219)

Interesting to me that these three are ladies that Sam theoretically could have got up in but people are not into it, regardless. This is slightly different to Dean's 'no' category -- spoilers for three inches of screen space!

Dean, Shipped by UPS

Superego:

John (129)

Benny (115)

Lisa (99)

Ego:

Benny (134)

John (116)

Lisa (102)

Id:

John (147)

Benny (128)

Crowley (114)

Well. That tells a slightly different story, ahem. Enjoy the various tropes that will be applied, Dean! And then we get:

No:

Amelia (245)

Kevin (223)

Gabriel (217)

Comparing to the Sam 'no' above -- these three are slightly more 'traditional' Sam ships, though the wincest shippers are nevertheless not into them for Sam, either. Dean literally never spoke to or saw Amelia on screen, so it'd be a determined shipper who'd make that happen. Not undoable, though!

Conclusion

Syke: there isn't one to be made. This really shows how diverse the taste is in the wincest community, or at least in the wincest community that a) happened to see this survey over the last five days and b) bothered to take it. This particular group leans slightly toward e.g. toppy Sam, or slightly toward switching, but when you look at raw numbers what you see is that at least one person LOVES every single one of these things, and at least one person fucking HATES every single one of these things, and so -- so what? Write what you want. If you see a niche of something that you love where you feel like not enough people are writing or reading, try to fill it. If you're worried "no one" will like it, well -- you're wrong. Someone will. It just needs to get seen by the right people.

That's where fandom comes in, to spread the love even if something isn't bulletproof for us -- reblogging a post to say, 'hey, my mutual made this thing, look at it!' What a joy it'd be if someone saw it and loved it to absolute shattering bits, and then found their little bulletproof community, and happiness was made. What's the point, if we're not making each other happy.

Thanks for participating if you did, and reading all this if you did. Here's a link to a google sheet (read only) with all the tables of raw data if you're interested. I'll post some of the more entertaining fill-in answers later.

s&d shipping survey results: November 1, 2023 - Google Sheets

#happy wincest wednesday #wincest #survey results #warning this is really long lol #but thanks for doing the thing <3

[marshmallowprotection]

"You're doing it again, aren't you?"

"...Huh?"

"My love, you're doing it again," Saeran stressed the words one by one. He pressed a warm blanket around your shoulders, likely fresh from the dryer after given that he had been doing laundry for whilst you took care of other matters. "You're pushing yourself too hard to take care of this. I know you feel obligated to do everything but you can't keep this up forever... I don't want you to burn yourself out. It's not healthy."

You pulled the blanket tighter around your shoulders and turned away from your laptop screen. No matter how much you wanted to look at it and get your work done, you couldn't. You couldn't take it anymore. It hurt every time you tried to rationalize what you had to do and how you had to do it.

It was way. too. much.

How could you ever get all this work done in time before it was due? There was so much riding on you, so much riding on how good you could present your plan, and so much riding on how you could craft every little detail down to the atom.

Everyone was counting on you, trusting their fate in your hand to do the right thing without a second thought, and that felt like a blessing and a curse.

It felt good to know people trusted you, and how far they were willing to go to place their confidence in you.

"Do you think I don't know that?" You retorted, then winced, upon hearing how the words sounded. It wasn't like you were angry with him. It wasn't his fault. He didn't deserve to be barked at because everything felt like it was on fire. He only wanted to remind you it wasn't okay to do this to yourself.

Not when you had been fighting your instincts for years to stop doing this to yourself whenever you felt backed in a corner with no way out of it.

You swiftly recanted those very angry words as you regretted them the second they left your lips. "Sorry, Saeran. I shouldn't take this out on you. I know you're right! I know—this isn't the way I should handle everything! I just... I don't know how else to do this! Everyone needs me to put on a strong face and do what's best for the job. I'm glad I have the respect of my coworkers, and that they believe in me to do what's best! But, I'm—"

It also hurt to know that their faith in you was what led you to take on as much as you could to make things right.

"...I'm tired."

Quietly, he wrapped his arms around your shoulders. He couldn't see it, but he could hear the sob in the back of your throat as you felt the shame and exhaustion catch up with you. You couldn't bare to look at his face, and he knew that, which is why he made sure you felt those loving, tender arms there to bring you peace.

"You can always tell them you need help, my love," he whispered, the words warm and gentle. "You don't have to do everything all alone all the time."

You knew he was right.

But, it was hard for you to confess you needed help. It was hard to say you were in too deep and over your head, and GOD. God, you sounded like Jihyun Kim when he hit rock bottom. You didn't want that. You didn't want to do what he did, nor did you want to repeat those painful shadows you tried to talk him out of before he gave up on himself.

You knew better, and yet, it was the crux of your fatal flaws, always there when you let yourself get too worked up, and you knew that falling back on old habits would only burn you.

So, why couldn't you do better? Why wasn't the road to learning how to do better for yourself a flat one, not filled with bumps and hills and mud and more obstacles? It wasn't fair, but you knew you couldn't do this to yourself anymore.

The words were tiny and faded as you croaked: "...I just want to cry first."

"I've got you, my love, cry as long as you want to," his words lulled you to let go of the stress, melting into his embrace.

#tw insecurity #drabble #mod kait #mystic messenger #mysme #saeran choi #mysticmessenger #mm #choi saeran #tw self worth #saeray #saeran #saeran mystic messenger #saeran mm #saeran mysme #mm saeran #mysme saeran #mystic messenger saeran

[queer-reader-07]

don't mind me i'm just dropping my review of dune part 2 here because i really really really loved this movie and it changed me on a molecular level and i can't stop thinking about it and everyone should watch it it's so good i'm not joking it's literally one of the best films i've ever watched. ok anyway, review:

I remember very clearly the day I finished Dune. I remember how I was sitting at the kitchen table, eating rice & beans with a spoon in one hand, and holding my dad's battered and loved mass market in the other hand. I remember how I read the final words and closed the book slowly. How I got up to go sit in my dad's home office and stare into space in disbelief at what I'd just read. I remember how I looked at my dad and I said "I can see why it's your favorite. I think it's mine too."

I saw Dune Part 2 on opening night, in IMAX, with my dad. And to say it was a night to remember is an understatement. I can say with full confidence that seeing this film is sure to become a core memory.

The sheer power of this film is something to behold. I don't think there was a single moment in those 166 minutes that I wasn't entirely immersed in the film, my eyes were glued to that screen like never before.

There were moments during the movie where I was genuinely frightened, moments that had me on the edge of my seat. I know how this story goes, I know how it ends, I know who lives and who dies. And yet...

Paul Atreides is a scary man by the end of this story. The transformation he undergoes after drinking the Water of Life is unsettling, and Timothee did a fantastic job of portraying it. Paul's speeches about how he is The One- The Lisan Al-Gaib- are damning. You can see how much he believes now that he must be the messiah and how deeply the Fremen believe in him, but you can also see how dangerous he is. The power in his words is scary because I know how much damage the search for one person to save us all can cause. His final speech instills a sense of breath-stealing deep in the audience. It's frightening and disturbing because I know that this kind of religious zealotry is not being played up for the sake of theatrics; it is very, very real.

Jessica's religious indoctrination is scarily accurate to the indoctrination I've witnessed in my own life. The way she talks of "converting the non believers" reminds me a little too much of how I was taught to share the Word of God with those who didn't believe in Christ or God while I was in catholic school. And while her own indoctrination is terrifying to witness, what is worse is watching how she spreads her propaganda amongst the Fremen. By the end, they believe that Paul will save them; rather than being saved by their own people.

Despite knowing that Stilgar's faith is largely due to Bene Gesserit propaganda that speaks of a messiah, I still find him to be an admirable character. His unwavering and unshakeable faith mimics the faith of many religious people I know in real life. I've always envied that kind of faith, the kind that prevails regardless of hardship or pain or loss. I sometimes wish I could have that kind of faith, I wish I could believe in something that strongly. Stilgar is not shaken by anything Paul or Chani or any other Fremen say. He believes with his whole being that Paul is the Lisan Al-Gain, and that he will save them all.

"I don't care what you believe. I believe!"

And it's just such a well crafted movie. Shai-Hulud looks so good in this film (the sand worm riding scenes were breathtaking). The cinematography, the soundtrack, the acting; everything feels so intentional. I'm so grateful this film exists.

This movie will stick with me for a while, if not forever. It so faithfully portrays not only the story but the themes of Dune. This film was clearly made with love, care, and adoration for the source material. I couldn't be more grateful.

As the film came to a close, as Jessica's final words rang in my ears, as I watched Chani prepare to ride Shai-Hulud, I did not know what to do with myself. As the credits began to roll everyone around me stood up while I stayed seated. As I peeled myself out of my seat to leave, the music that played rang throughout the theater. I was breathing heavy, I turned to my dad, and we concluded that this was a truly wonderful film.

in conclusion, i can die happy knowing my favorite novel of all time has been so perfectly adapted.

#someone please talk to me about dune i'm losing my mind over it #like it's unironically a everything to me you don't understand #and this movie is just so #UGH #too many feeling not enough words #dune #dune part 2 #dune movie

[winterarmyy]

An important message to all

Please stop and read for a moment.

Dearest readers,

Just a gentle message from me. I got this ask a today and I just want to remind you that if you don't like or agree with what I write, or you don't like me in general, you can block me. If the contents of my work doesn't sit well with your morals or views in any way, you can block me. And as return, if I find you being rude to me, I can block you as well. As I did exactly that to this nony.

At first, when I read the first lines of the ask, I was totally cool about answering it because you know, I am basically a stranger. You don't know about me at all so it's fair for you to ask of my situation. I mean, I can be a ceo of a company and you still wouldn't know.

I was already crafting the answers in my head, until my religion was brought up, until my family was insulted;  And I really don't appreciate that.

Sure, you can insult my writing or me as a human being, regardless of my religion, and I would take it like an adult. But, insulting my faith? My father, my brother, my future husband that I haven't even met yet? That is disrespectful. And I don't need this type of people in my life.

To be clear, I am not autistic nor I am trying to be misogynistic. Which reminds me, why would anyone make that comparison in the first place anyway? I am fanfiction writer. All works are fictional. The characters and the scenarios within the work are fictional. It does not translate or convey any influence relating to my religion or beliefs at all.

My inspirations has always all come from movies, books, songs, arts that I've enjoyed and some might be a bit too twisted for anyone to digest. And there is nothing "cute or sexy" about writing violence in the first place. That scene was meant to be disturbing, to trigger some sort of fear from my readers. Not to make them think "aww yinn is so cute for writing this". No. And I'm sorry if any of you sees it that way. Perhaps, it was my horrible writing skill that have failed you.

When I started writing, I was scared of posting it anywhere until i read some tumblr posts about how I should be proud of my work and that was the reason I start sharing them to this particular community. It was with the hope that they would appreciate it without judging where I came from or what my background looks like. So please, don't disappoint me. Don't make want to quit writing all together; because it would be the lost of joy in my life.

And, I would love to remind all of you to be kind to one another. The difference in the color of a person's skin, their body shape or weight, gender or sexuality, the God that they prayed to, should not be an excuse for you to be unkind. Respect each other. If you can't, then remove yourself from the situation. As simple as that.

With that said, from this moment on, anyone who approach me with any kind of disrespect will be blocked by me immediately. I may be soft most of the time, but I simply do not tolerate this kind of behaviour.

Thank you staying this far.

Until then, stay gold everybody.

Yours, Yinn 🤍

#rude ask #rude asks #yinn replies ✍🏻

[lesbianchristian]

Why do you believe in god/ christianity?

I'm gonna level with you, it's midnight, so I make no promises on how articulate I can be. The last two paragraphs are really the answers to your question, but I feel this needed some explanation since I haven't made much effort trying to explain what's been going on the past six years.

I've gone through a lot of changes since starting this blog. When I started I was a very devout Christian that was very steadfast in her beliefs who was very sure she was a lesbian. I made this blog to cope with being a queer Christian with a very traditional Christian upbringing. I believed in most of the traditional doctrine: no sex before marriage, hell was real, the Bible is true.

Then I went through a lot of shit. Dropping out of grad school, burnout, health crises, deaths in the family. All of this happened in about the span of two years, where my life burned to the ground. I then spent the next four years rebuilding. I still deal with some sort of health thing every year.

I also started getting exposed to deconstruction and learning a lot more about the history of Christianity, like how we got from 1st century CE to now, universalist theory (is there a hell), that sort of thing.

Some people might say this strengthened their faith. I'm sure my sister would have. But in all of it, I felt very ignored by god. I stopped attending church. I became very angry at god. I never stopped believing that there was a god, but I would describe it to friends as god and I aren't on speaking terms at the moment.

One might say that not attending church and having that sort of relationship with god would probably get your christian membership revoked, but A. I was very private dealing with it and B. after 24 years it's very hard to extricate my existence from Christianity. My entire family is Christian (yes, everyone). I spent literal years of my life (once you count all the hours) spent in church. I am a tangled ball of yarn and

It's a very long story (four years worth), but to make it short I now attend church specifically for the community (I deal with a lot of social anxiety and self isolation, to the point that my atheist friend thinks it's a good idea for me to go). You can do good in a church if their goals align with yours and I go to a liberal one that believes in social justice and caring for the community. In regards to belief, a lot of it I haven't parsed yet and don't know if I will. I don't believe in hell anymore and am basically a universalist Christian. I think there are tenets that are worth following: act justly, love mercy, walk humbly. Feed the hungry, clothe the naked, welcome strangers. Love your neighbor. So I call myself a Christian. Partially to avoid making waves in my family (it's complicated, I love them but I also like avoiding making time around them more stressful than it has to be), partially because I don't know if I'll ever be able to see myself as not a Christian. It's like a birthmark.

This may or may not have answered your question about the Christianity bit, though maybe less so on the God part. As for that, I'm sure in many ways it's influenced by the fact that I grew up believing in a god. I'm rational, I can concede that. And I could talk about the years I spent studying chemistry and biology and how it's hard to imagine that everything that exists as we now know it didn't have some sort of cosmic hand to guide things into place. But really, if you held a gun to my head and asked me to really search deep into why I believe in god, it would be because trying to conceptualize that there is no god is like peering off the edge of the Grand Canyon and trying to walk off the ledge. It leaves me untethered, falling. I can't imagine a world in my head where god does not exist for me. But that's for me. Other people can't conceptualize a world where god exists and that's for them. Perhaps some might look down on my reason as not a very good reason and perhaps it's not. But it is why, even through all my anger and screaming, I have never been able to stop believing that there is a god who hears it. Whether he's doing anything about it is another discussion entirely.

#oh also I am no longer a lesbian #I'm just queer #some may ask why no name change then and that's because I've been on hiatus figuring out my religion #if someone wants the blog name feel free to message me #or if anyone has a name suggestion i'm all ears #also this entire thing feels like hurling a block of sodium into water and now I'm waiting for impact

[burgundybmw]

Red: A Stranger Things SMAU

MASTERLIST

Paring: Eddie Munson x Mayfield!Reader

Warnings: Mentions assault (Billy sucks), Abusive sibling relationship (Not physical), and unfortunately we haven't seen the last of him in this series...

Summary: Y/N Mayfield likes her life, she has good friends, an amazing sister (a not so amazing step brother), and an intense love for music. The only thing missing in her life is a love life, but that could all change soon.

Author’s Note: I swear y'all have no faith in me hahahaha ENJOY!! ❤️❤️❤️

Part Twenty Two

Eddie:

Hey...

Y/N:

Oh thank God, Eddie I've been trying to call you for the past 15 minutes!!

Eddie:

I was driving. Stopped for gas.

Y/N:

Oh... I thought you were mad at me.

Eddie:

Why would I be mad at you?

Y/N:

Because of the Billy thing. Steve told me some stuff and it freaked me out.

Eddie:

What did he tell you??

Y/N:

That you think, that I think you mean nothing to me. Which is so far from the truth it's insane. I mean, Christ Eddie, you're my best friend!!

Eddie:

No, I know that...

Y/N:

Then why would you say that to Steve??

Eddie:

It's not what you think it is...

Y/N:

Okay? Then what is it?

Eddie:

...

Y/N:

Eddie?

Eddie:

Sorry... Yea I'm here.

Y/N:

Can you tell me what this is about?

Eddie:

The kiss Red.

Y/N:

Oh...

Eddie:

Yea, I don't know... I was just hurt that it meant nothing to you. That you could kiss me like that just for a dare. I know you don't like me like that, but we're still friends? It's kind of a big deal.

Y/N:

It is a big deal, and I'm so sorry I hurt you. You need to trust me when I tell you that you mean the world to me. What I said to Billy, it was just because I'm afraid of him.

Eddie:

What do you mean?

Y/N:

Billy has made it his life goal to make Max and I's life a living hell. He's... he's hurt guys who got too close to me in the past... I don't want that to happen to you.

Eddie:

You don't need to protect me Red, I'm a big boy I can take care of myself.

Y/N:

He almost put Steve in the hospital, and he beat the shit out of my first boyfriend so badly he broke his nose. He knows he can't touch Max and I, so he goes after people we love to hurt us. He was gonna hurt Lucas before I ripped him a new one, and the only reason I won that one was because I got Neil to agree with me. Billy can't stand you, I had to lie to him so he wouldn't go after you.

Eddie:

If he hates me so much why did he trade me his Metallica tickets?

Y/N:

What?

Eddie:

Shit.

Y/N:

What did you trade?

Eddie:

Nothing worth more than the experience of going to see our favorite band together Red.

Y/N:

Don't avoid the question.

Eddie:

...I traded my B.C. Rich.

Y/N:

YOU TRADED YOUR GUITAR?!

Eddie:

This is why I didn't tell you...

Y/N:

Why would you do that?! You love that guitar more than anything else in the world!!!

Eddie:

Not as much as I love you!

Y/N:

What...

Eddie:

I gotta go.

Y/N:

Eddie? Eddie! Don't you dare hang up on me right-

End.

Tag list:

@kikis-writing-world , @sweetpeapod , @cevans-winchester , @hopingforromanoff , @nativity-in-black , @esoltis280 , @celestialsxturn , @forsaken-letters , @ali-r3n , @galaxiasy , @mrs-billyrussooo , @shenevertricks1831 , @ems-alexandra , @thatlonelypieceoftoast , @magicmunson , @lediskogirl, @bratckerman , @mn2222222 , @teenage0jealousy , @trashmouth-munson-things , @eddiesbirdie , @mimischaos , @fangirling-4-ever , @theloveablesociopath , @inej-twilight-ghafa , @streamafterlaughter , @livslifeonline , @grungegrrrl , @mente-sindescanso , @youcanstandundermyamberella , @celestair , @plantfey , @yeswhatever33 , @efvyqrs , @cherrycolas-things​ , @guilty-gay , @soclover3000 , @levylovegood , @pistachoz​ , @lily-sinclair-2006 ,​ @goldenharrysworld , @mvnsons-slvt , @pinkdaiisies , @riddles-diary , @error-home-not-found , @clincallyonline17 , @coltonthekanima , @sighbuckybarnes , @coryisagee , @lem0nb0iii , @nojamsonmytoast , @redheadedfangirl1 , @givemeeverything 

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x mayfield!reader #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson fic #eddie munson social media au #eddie munson smau #stranger things #stranger things fanfic #stranger things fanficton #stranger things fic #stranger things fluff #stranger things x reader #stranger things social media au #stranger things smau

[caernua]

re: your arcana post - i literally don't even go here but i live for drama.... if you were ever to do a video essay or even just a write up in a post about the situation.... i want to know what happened, can't resist 👀👀

oh my goodd it's so eerie to explain it to someone who wasn't involved but this silly little mobile dating sim was just an initial passion project from a small team of employees of an indie game developer that was basically given six weeks to turn in something completely self-indulgent and it quickly got a backing on kickstarter around 2016-2017? beyond that it was quite a classic case of a project becoming more famous than its creators expected and it turns into a bit of a mess bc of their lack of experience. and by that i mean they got very close to the fans, and that's bound to open a can of worms. they used to make weekly q&as and you can't imagine what an exciting event that was, oh my god literally everyone was in a discord server losing their shit bc the devs had opened the askbox and we could ask the stupidest questions in the world about their characters and they would answer bc frankly they were very funny and the characters were all like... established in a funny enough way that it was so easy to make good jokes about them.

and i think what makes it very interesting is that the fandom was actually pretty small, but it felt HUGE. those q&as seemed like the most viral posts you could run into when you logged on tumblr but really most of them had a couple thousand notes at best, even when the arcana was at its most popular. it was literally like living in a small village where everybody knew EVERYBODY. if you posted something, high chance everyone in the fandom would see and reblog. it was like a hive mind.

also part of the reason why it felt so huge was bc everyone was churning out fan content like CRAZY, i don't think there was ever any fandom i've personally been in where i've seen so many people create so much damn stuff and frankly i think it's one of its strongest features. idk what it is about this game but everytime i revisit it inspires me so much, suddenly i wanna pick up my tablet after months, i wanna try writing again, etc. it's just wonderful at urging you to create and i have no idea how one even achieves that.

but yea the fandom slowly disappeared partly due to controversies, some of the creators were found to have been into some questionable stuff back in their not so olden days and they stepped away from the limelight, afterwards i believe a lot of the team stepped away from the game altogether. but it was weird because the controversies were constant, not just towards the creators but also within the fandom itself 💀 and given the huge volume of them they of course ranged from reasonable criticism especially regarding the representation of the characters of color, or the absurd microtransaction to stuff like 'his eyes are drawn bigger in this cg so the artists wanted to make him look like a child so this game caters to pedos actually' dkjgdkfj i saw some CRAZY takes and the bad faith criticism definitely overshadowed the reasonable voices in my opinion, it was not balanced at all. they stopped doing the q&as, the posts they made on their official tumblr became way more sanitized, and actually in a way so did some aspects of the game, and little by little it grew quieter.

and now it's... silent. but it's so near and dear to my heart, i think it's an absolutely wonderful game and what i love about it the most is how much it inspires people to create. and i think the reason why is bc unlike in many games like this (at least i think, i'm not sure cause i haven't played many) your character doesn't just suddenly meet every love interests. they have a connection to some of the love interests and a past they don't remember so it's very interesting to peel those layers back, BUT because it's your character the story stays quite vague about the past. so it's incredibly fun to speculate, to create a backstory, etc! that's i think one of my favorite things about it and it's not a coincidence that arcana went on to inspire some fans to venture into the visual novel genre as creators themselves.

and yea overall it just felt like a close positive community (well. mostly really, we are talking about a fandom on tumblr here so) and a super creative and inspiring one. the jokes were super fun, the art was top notch, the writing was also good. so yea i kinda miss it and it's sad to see how empty it seems now? like i see people from 2020 onward go 'ohh i just discovered this game' and i'm like... MY SWEET SUMMER CHILD... YOU HAVE NO IDEA.... YOU HAD TO BE THERE.... and ig i didn't really answer your question bc i kind of glossed over the drama but i went through the whole phenomenon bc i think it was. really interesting to witness 🫡

#can't believe i'm blogging about the arcana in the year of our lord 2023... 2024 almost #anonymous #asks

[phoenix-reburned]

I think the most damning thing to my faith and what really started my deconstruction was the concept of a loving god and hell.

It's stated that we are made in the image of god, meaning that god SHOULD have similar morals as me, obviously with some differences because sin nature and he's y'know GOD. I am an extremely empathetic person. So empathetic, that I spent quarantine in a near-constant state of panic, dread, depression, and pure terror for every person I saw on TV, at school, hell even at church. The idea of anyone ever being damned to hell literally caused me to become physically sick. I was unable to function for a month and a half straight. I had renewed my faith and interest in church because I was scared of hell, and it led to this horrible state of terror I was trapped in.

If I, a mere human with a fraction of god's love and empathy, could be driven to this sort of state over just the idea of hell, how could god be okay at all with anyone going there? How could he pick and choose what creation of his would be saved? Some people would say that it was necessary, that it was the wages of sin, that we deserved it. But if god made the rules, why would he make them in such a cruel way? Why would he actively enforce a system, that he created, that meant a majority of his creation would be tortured for eternity? He could have never left the tree in the garden, or simply gotten rid of sin.

And some people would say that we send ourselves to hell. If I was a parent and my kid wanted to touch a hot stove, my first response would be to take them away and turn off the stove so they didn't get hurt. Even if they got upset at me for it, even if they disrespected me for it. The safety and well-being of my child would matter more than any petty actions they did in anger. Plus, punishment should ALWAYS be corrective. If hell functioned like purgatory did I wouldn't have an issue. But it doesn't. It's only function is to hurt. What kind of petty dick do you have to be to torture someone because they either didn't know you existed or made a wrong choice? When my siblings didn't listen to me and got hurt my first response was to help them, not hurt them. And those aren't even my kids.

"But freewill-" He's GOD. He can create a world with freewill without hell or sin. He's fucking GOD and this is what he decided was the best plan. He could have just chosen to forgive everyone but he didn't. He sacrificed himself to save us from his own wrath. The shit god says in the bible aligns with the same phrases narcissists use to manipulate their victims. And don't even get me started on the copious amounts of murder he either directly causes or endorses, or the horrible things he legalized in the old testament.

And you can't just use the "sin goes against gods nature" bullshit on me either. He's literally god. He shouldn't be confined by anything if he's truly all powerful. I understand if sin is a problem but he also allowed it to happen in the first place, does nothing to stop it, and literally let the equivalent of a 5 year old decide whether or not his creation would be tortured for eternity. If sin is against his nature he could simply will it out of existence, but he either chooses not to or can't. Either of these would actively contradict two of the qualities he claims to possess.

And no, his response to someone wanting to be away from him should not be eternal torment. Even if you try and justify it by saying he's respecting our wishes, he can do that without deliberately causing actual suffering and agony for eternity.

I did the religious thing for 18 years, and this was just the first realization that woke me up to the flaws of Chr*st*an*ty. Any chr*st*ans that wanna try and preach to me or use this to try and refute my claims, just don't. I've heard every excuse in the book (literally) and did months and MONTHS of research on topics like this to try and convince myself that god was real. I desperately wanted to believe because I didn't want to leave the faith. But the more I researched this and other topics the more I realized how false so much of the religion is.

Sorry if this doesn't make sense or I'm missing stuff, it's late at night and I just needed to get this outta my head. Feel free to add your own thoughts about it here. I know others have definitely explained this much better than I have but I've spent a lot of time this week looking at exvangelical stuff and I'm in my feels about it lol

#e rambles #exvangelical #deconstructing christianity #deconstructing religion #deconstruction #deconstructed club #religion #religion tw #ask to tag #i fr dont want a bunch of religious peeps preacbing to me #its why i censored the word #long post

[01zfan]

I LOVE YOUR NEW CHURCHBOY!ANTON POST

I love the way you write so much, I think I've said it before but just a little reminder of how great you are 🙈

I was about to ask, does Anton usually wear a condom? I mean, he asked her if she wants a child so...

Also, I love the way you described it, I don't know if maybe you thought about it for this chapter, but I've seen sooo many cases of young church couples having children (and I mean pretty young, most of them 17/18), so my other question was, did you? Do you think they'll have a child still being young? I think their parents would be fuming if they did, but I don't think it would make Anton stop being a believer, omg, would their parents make them get married? Because that's what usually happens, I have so many questions for this story, I love it!!!!

hi anon! thanks for being so invested in understanding my faith lol i wrote it as a one-shot and didn't even think about all those things you mentioned. but now you bring it up you got me thinking hard.

in alot of relationships where religion is involved they don't use protection like their form of contraceptive is praying seriously LMFAO. also i kind of imagined both anton and the reader as kind of naive. the whole reason they started sleeping together in the first place was to get a closer relationship with god and understand what faith/worship is. when you really think about it, it's very childish and naive. what the two are actually doing is having unprotected sex under the guise of worshipping god. i see them as two young people who have no tact when it comes to the real world outside of church. they also kind of developed a type of relationship where they see the other as a god/holy figure so i imagine them not even thinking they could get pregnant, or if they did they wouldn't grasp the severity of the situation.

if she were to get pregnant oh their parents would be pissed. i'm not even sure how the parents would find out, maybe someone catches them doing something in the church and word spreads like wildfire. i imagined the readers parents to kind of mirror anton and the readers relationship. they were young couple in the church, the dad following the path of his family by being a bible thumper while the mom became the "nonbeliever" (i considered her to just be someone who wanted out of the oppressive nature of the church). i imagine they had the reader at a young age and got married because of it, eventually divorcing because of belief systems and just the overwhelming feelings the readers mom had in regards to the church.

i come from a town where that was the case alot of the times. teen marriages to cover up premarital sex in a very religious area. i think that anton's parents would sit down with both of them and give them a few choices. either get married and have the baby or get an abortion and never see eachother again. i can see anton's parents leaning very hard into the first choice. anton has a promising future and he can't ruin it by becoming a teen/young dad. i think it would make anton even more of a believer, thinking he's been blessed to be the father of the child. i can definitely see anton having a moment of defying his parents and getting married to the reader. he'd come to her in the dead of night, sneaking her out of her dad's house (because she's on lockdown after he finds out). anton would talk about doing whatever it takes to support his family, how his parents would eventually come around. the reader would nod her head and say okay, anton would take her back home and start planning out their future together.

but anton would be so heartbroken when the reader would leave town. that was something that also happened where i grew up, girls would get pregnant and then be shipped off to some distant relative. i can see her going back to live with her mom, learning about secular life and why her mother never reached out or fought against the court to get custody of her. anton's parents would be relieved you were gone but anton would become a recluse, completely withdrawing from life. he would definitely come to the readers father begging to know where she is. i can see anton writing letters, saying how much he misses her and how he's going to marry her in the future. i truly think the reader would end up having the child and waiting for anton because of the faith she still has in him.

see this is why i have to write one-shots because i'll end up writing a whole screenplay about my fics if i think too much about them. also a song that reminds me of understanding my faith is jackie and wilson by hozier that song is so them forrealllll

#askz #anonz

[barrenclan]

Got another music for ya!! It never ends.

This song feels very Patfwcore. I can't think of anything to connect it to except barrenclan as a whole. Especially when it gets towards the end of the song.

Maddy, I will always treasure your music. I agree with you, too, I like the empty and sort of lost feeling this song has. It fits BarrenClan well.

"I'm a mountain that has been moved I'm a river that is all dried up I'm an ocean nothing floats on I'm a sky that nothing wants to fly in"

"I'm a fugitive that has no legs to run I'm a preacher with no pulpit Spewing a sermon that goes on and on"

(repairs my wall again and quietly sets up an enormous trap door directly beneath the spot you landed)

This is totally a Deepdark song! Anything about a man leading people into destruction with a smile and salvation is always Deepdarkcore.

"A beast in the business of selling forgiveness dead eyes on a treacherous grin And he laps up the vice like a wolf in the night he’s the left hand of God on the stage And with one hand he offers salvation to lovers the other it taketh away"

"So give me your fire give me your fear give me your faith when love gives you tears Give me your heart give me your fate give me your hand when love gives you hate"

Actually, I already agree with you! :) That song is currently on the PATFW playlist.

Okey dokey <3

"Who knows how some people turn to strange ones

Is it up to me to make them into dead ones

(Here we go again)"

"How do I meet the strangest men

They always seem to find me"

Oh, sure! That's always a good song for anger as well as sadness for someone who's died.

"Why should I have a heavy heart? Why should I start to break in pieces? Why should I go and fall apart for you?"

"Why should I play the grieving girl and Lie saying that I miss you And that my world has gone dark without your light I will sing no requiem tonight"

Nice! Been awhile since I've had a Thrasher song suggestion. This is definitely the sort of thing he would teach his kids, Cormorantpaw especially.

"Never say what you really feel Why make a choice when it's safer just to make a deal? Stay away from what causes a stir or offends Keep your heart silent, don't dispute And if it turns violent, make sure you know who to shoot And eventually every relationship ends So throw out your baby and murder your friends"

Two Brand New songs! Must be popular. Hm... I think it could fit Cormorantpaw okay, but there is another character that'd be better, though I think it's too spoilery to name them.

"A deer that a hunter shot in the heart Some dogs that got hit by cars All came to spill their guts"

"I'm slowly bringing you down from the Heavenly gates Now I'm drowning in the flood I made Well explain myself to me on the other side I'll watch from Heaven when I die"

Love a good song about going insane in the desert.

"I won’t stop to drop to draw A line in the sand ‘Cause I’ll be picked apart To pieces by coyotes"

"I might be the brain of evil Bad things happen to good people Good things happen to me"

Ahh, yes! Rainhaze feels very powerless right now, and perhaps like he's just following to his death because he can't find the energy to get out of it.

"Chop, chop, don't want to be late Lift up and carry your weight You've got no choice but to dance In a spiral of ants"

"You can't remember where you came from (In a spiral of ants) You can't remember where you're going (In a spiral of ants)"

"Now, now, don't run out of breath Don't feel surrounded by death, no Take the wheel, this could be your chance"

It's funny, one of the first ever posts I made on this blog was a drawing of Cormorantpaw with that song. Doesn't mean it can't also be Rainhaze!

"Wake from the scar, still feelin' sick Where did it get started? Where, oh, where did this come from? Oh my God, my head's a gun"

#ask #anon #music #thrasher #cormorantpaw #rainhaze #slugpelt #deepdark

[thegreenleavesofspring]

.

I have... a bad habit. A self-defense mechanism, but a bad one. Of, any time I encounter something out in the wild that I wanted and couldn't have (an event or an emotion), I deem it "stupid". Beautiful weddings are stupid. Birthday parties are stupid. Loving husbands are stupid... etc. And I don't say it to whoever I am talking to, I'm not quite that socially clueless, but I shore up my own disdain for it in the privacy of my mind.

And it's one I've had for most of my life although I've only recently quantified it. And I find myself doing it a lot and I'm trying to be mindful, now, of making myself stop and go "Do you actually think it's stupid or are you kicking against the pain of what you don't have" and nine times out of ten I'm preemptively trying to head off pain.

So anyway I'm trying to let it through in tiny little bits so it doesn't all come crashing down as an overwhelming wave and mourn it piece by piece at a time. And I'm also doing a lot of introspection. Because I never was taught how to regulate my emotions and that one person was right, I do tend to let them rule me, and I don't mean to, it's not an active conscious choice on my part, but that's not enough, I have to learn to master (not repress) them.

So now I'm trying to learn to master my emotions rather than letting them master me but that means constant monitoring and today I'm going down a checklist of "Why am I so tired and lethargic" and it's the depression setting in again for Round whatever and I always get really tired and sleepy and lethargic in the days leading up to that, yay. But along the way I realized that... the last time someone told me they loved me was Get Loved Nerd in my inbox and afaroffsong says it to me sometimes. And it helps. But sometimes I wish I had someone to say it to me in person, too, it helps to hear it audibly (and if it comes from someone who is telling the truth, not trying to be manipulative.)

I genuinely don't remember the last time I got a hug. Not dispensing one to make someone else feel better but just someone hugging me because they liked me as a person and wanted to hug me. I mean I hug my boys all the time and sometimes they even hug me back but those hugs are usually accompanied by headbutts or biting or kicking or fish-flopping or various other bruising activities and besides, they're little, they don't really have any concept yet of... consciously returning love? They need the hugs to flourish but it's not their place or their duty to return a hug.

I don't know. It just feels like, my whole life, any affection I got was conditional on how useful I am to someone and just for once I'd like to feel valued just... as me. I realize I'm not an easy person to love and almost an impossible person to like, once you strip me down to the bare bones, I know this, not only have I been told this but I've got enough self awareness to know that I'm all sharp edges and sharp angles and acerbic sarcasm and terrible but unintentional blunders. But surely I'm not all bad? Not all the way down? I just... surely it's not wrong to want to be valued as a person, not as your usefulness? Just... for someone to enjoy one's company?

Anyway I've been doing a lot of handing over bitterness and envy and sorrow to God lately and even... I don't know, what I thought were godly desires but maybe I'm feeling them too strongly? Putting them ahead of Him? I don't even know anymore. I feel like I'm blundering around in the dark trying to find His will and running up against rough rocks instead and I don't... I'm trying to do right, trying to do His will, but how can I possibly be? When everything I'm doing is wrong? I don't even know anymore.

I'm not sure... I don't know how to do this. And right now I can't hear Him. Which I don't think I have any egregious outstanding sins that would take me away from Him so I'm assuming I'm supposed to be walking by faith? Not by sight? But I'm not sure... I don't know. I don't know what to do.

I'm so very lonely.

...I should probably go brew myself a cup of raspberry tea, it sometimes helps lessen the severity of the depression. Hormones, yay.

#Nattering into the void

[betweenthings2]

love love love your writing! the first thing of yours I read was Second Letter From St Julien and I’ve reread it multiple times. sending you colossal amounts of love, appreciation, applause, gratitude, warmth, flowers, confetti hearts… and a request for prompt 19 (for luck) please? <3

Thank you!! I'm so glad you liked St. Julien! I wrote it at the beginning of my semester abroad (also when I saw The 1975 for the first time) and I was lonely and super anxious and listening to a lot of Sorority Noise which is partly why it's so sad, but it was inspired in part by a piece of writing I found on Pinterest of all places rather along with the Sorority Noise song I took the title from.

Anyway, here's A Kiss...for luck.

Matty isn't entirely sure what to do with himself. They're about to be back on stage for the first time in almost a year, for the first time since he fucked it all up, and he is painfully, upsettingly sober. There's no weed, no wine, no nothing, just nicotine, but nicotine feels a whole lot like oxygen for him a this point, and his hands are shaking, and he's going to make a fool of himself, again, he's going to make fools out of all of them, again, if he can't get it together, because shaking hands fumble chords and oh, god, this is about to be a disaster.

Matty is aware that he's spiraling. He's been spiraling a lot more lately, forced to always be in his own head. Just one, he thinks. Just one hit, one drink, one pill and he'd be fine. He doesn't want to relapse--he's done that and the guilt and misery is just about more than he can handle--he just wants, needs, something to make this easier. He hasn't been on stage in almost a year, but prior to that, he hadn't been on stage sober in years. He knows everyone around him knows that, but he knows it too much now and why had he told everyone he needed a few minutes on his own? He doesn't know how to dig himself out of these spirals on his own.

It would be easy to ask for someone to come be with him. It would be easy because he knows that someone, everyone, is on the other side of the dressing room door, because everyone had taken one look at his restless pacing and shaking hands and decided that if he really needed his alone time, he could have it in a dressing room with someone on the other side of the door in case. In case. Matty hates that phrase, hates that it gets applied to him, hates that everyone thinks he needs a fucking babysitter in case.

Finally, finally, finally, when Matty thinks he's actually about to go crazy, George knocks on the door and come in. Thank god for George. His gaze lands on Matty, in his frantic, spiraling, pacing and he softens and closes the door softly behind him.

Gently, he says, "Matty."

"I'm ok," Matty chokes out. "I'm fine, I'm sober, we're gonna play a show. I'm ok."

"C'mere," George says.

Matty does as George asks, practically collapsing against his chest and letting out a very long breath when George hugs him.

"There ya go," George murmurs. "Everything's ok."

"It's not ok. I'm not ok. We haven't been on stage in, like, a year and I haven't been on stage sober in actual years and my hands won't stop shaking and you had someone standing outside the door in case I decide to take off and I don't need a fucking babysitter, except that maybe I kind of do, and-"

"Matty," George cuts in shifting so he can look Matty in the eye, "you're spiraling."

"I know that," Matty mutters, gaze falling to the floor. Still, someone else having said it takes some of the wind from his sails and he manages another deep breath. "I can't help it."

"How can I help?" George asks.

Matty shrugs and repeats, "I haven't been on stage sober in years."

George nods, leaving space for Matty to continue.

"What if I'm shit? What if everything falls apart?"

"We kept things together when you were high out of your mind. I've got faith in you. Have some faith in me, too. Have some faith in Ross and Hann."

Matty takes a hitched breath, like he might start crying, and says, "I don't know how to do it like this."

"You know the songs. You wrote those songs. We made those songs, you and me. You know them."

"That's not what I mean. I mean that I don't know how to be on stage sober. I don't know how to have all those people looking at me." Matty pauses, then continues, "When I was using, they were looking at me, but they weren't looking at me, they were looking at a fucking mess. Now it's just me and if I fuck it up it's because I'm a fuck up."

"You're not a fuck up, Matty. How many times have I made mistakes on stage? Ross? Hann?"

Matty shrugs, petulant. Part of him wants to hide here, feeling sorry for himself.

"We all make mistakes all the time," George continues. "No one notices. I promise you no one notices."

Matty doesn't say anything. George is right.

"It's gonna be ok. You're gonna be great. You are great."

"'s just," Matty pauses. "I'm supposed to be better now. I'm supposed to be all better and just fine, but I don't really feel all better." There's another pause, then, "I'm afraid I can't do this anymore."

"You're the only person who doesn't believe you can do this," George tries. "I know you can do this, but if it turns out you need more time or something needs to change, then we'll make it happen, but you don't know until you try, right?"

Matty nods and echoes, "Right."

And George smiles, brilliant, and asks, "You ready then?"

Matty nods, so George guides him towards the door of the dressing room, pausing just before he opens it to lean down and kiss Matty hard.

"You're gonna be great," George promises when they separate slightly.

Matty nods slightly again, so they head out of the dressing room and towards the stage. Just before they go on, Matty pulls George in for one more kiss, and explains, "For luck," when they separate.

It's a good show.

#my fic #I have another absolutely heart-wrenching idea for this prompt if y'all want

[punkrogue]

Confession: I used to be one of those antis who hated the Roguneto age difference and saw Gambit as the "correct" love interest. But then I got older and stopped thinking about things in black and white, I realized that Rogue doesn't give a shit since her two adopted moms also have an age difference. I think a lot of Rogue "fans" project their thoughts and desires onto Rogue instead of accepting some of the less stereotypical sweet "Southern Belle" image they like to compartmentalize her into (one reason why 80s Rogue is superior to 90s Rogue is she's a subversion of the stereotype instead playing it straight like the more palatable to general audiences 90s version of the character). Looking back, I like how the "I can't touch a man" problem was sorta resolved with Roguneto in AoA, so instead Rogue's character focus in that universe is being a team leader and going apeshit to protect her son instead of angsting over Remy and how she can't have sex with him.

First off I think that regardless of context concepts like the "correct" love interest are never good. I think that's just become more and more obvious over the years as fandom has become more toxic and more people feel comfortable calling you shit like an abuser for liking a "problematic" or hero/villain kinda ship. The ships are fictional, the people aren't. Who gives a fuck if people ship milo from atlantis and yzma from the emperor's new groove (yes this is a real ship i've seen) it's not my problem. Neither of us will gain or lose brownie points with a god or whatever because we shipped the right ship. Not an attack on you just my Thoughts because that's a common issue now in fandom that I know I certainly didn't see it at these scales when I was a teen.

AS FOR THE OTHER STUFF--

god you're spitting SO MUCH TRUTH.

Okay I wrote the rest of my reply to this originally in notepad bc i don't trust tumblr and god.... this is so long 💀

But then I got older and stopped thinking about things in black and white, I realized that Rogue doesn't give a shit since her two adopted moms also have an age difference.

It never occurred to me before how the age gap between Mystique and Irene would effect her perspective but that’s such a good and interesting point! We’re not clear on even when Mystique was born or how old she really was when she met Irene and we know Irene is like easily 100 when she dies. She and Mystique met in the late 1800s — even if you keep her dying in the 80s and don’t fudge around the timeline at all for the current date 1880 to 1980 is a century. Rogue was raised by geriatric lesbians. Idk WHAT this means for her psychologically or in how her love map got formed but it’s a Thing lol. I think the big takeaway really from being raised by mystiny is really that she expects a certain level of partner care and maturity and in syncness. Say what you want about Irene and Mystique as people but they’re absolutely an in love and loving couple. They’re totally in sync and have complete faith in each other, they’re each other’s rocks. Which ofc is why Mystique went so off the rails when Irene died.

There’s definitely a lot to be said about her expecting/needing/wanting a certain amount of maturity in her partner as a result of being raised by two older women in a very established relationship. Barring the dudes who’re born in test tubes (Longshot and Joesph) basically all her love interests are older than her by some amount. Even Remy is at least a few years older than her no matter how you pace out his life.

I tend to think worrying about age gaps in a society/world or whatever like comics is dumb when everyone in question is legal. Half of them are like 50+ by now (the 05 were teens in the 60s technically, xavier fought in the KOREAN WAR, etc), some are aliens, some are gods, some people got stuck in a time loop for like 2 years, some people where in another dimension for a while, etc etc etc. It’s more trouble than it’s worth to get up in arms about it when you’re not talking about adult/minor pairings. Magneto is like, 100 now sure. He’s also been de-aged like, twice, once that I remember to the point of being a fucking toddler again. This is automatically so fucking wild and impossible to map to anything real world you’re just gonna hurt yourself trying to comprehend the ramifications of that catastrophic life change on even how the fuck he STILL REMEMBERS HIS PREVIOUS LIFE AS AN ADULT AFTER THAT let alone his future relationships with anyone lol.

I think a lot of Rogue "fans" project their thoughts and desires onto Rogue instead of accepting some of the less stereotypical sweet "Southern Belle" image they like to compartmentalize her into (one reason why 80s Rogue is superior to 90s Rogue is she's a subversion of the stereotype instead playing it straight like the more palatable to general audiences 90s version of the character).

I think you’re very right about that. When you sit down and read Rogue’s comics through all at once the difference between her in the 80s and her in the 90s is wild and not in a good way. All the edges get knocked off of her, her morals become simplified, they gloss over her tense relations with the rest of the X-Men even more than they did before. She was created with the kind of character design slogan “the girl from the wrong side of the river” and it very much seems like few people remember that when writing or drawing her and I know why that is to some extent — stripping away her “problematic” nature (remember, Rogue DID stalk and attempt to murder Dazzler and did some other fucked up shit), stressing her more mainstream insecurities, removing her heavy metal/punk/butch interests and making her more in line with a 90s pinup girl in looks makes her more appealing and fuckable to the mainstream predominately male audience of comics. Alt girls are niche. She only got to get her tat sleeve and be a motorcycle mechanic and sing rock songs and be really wild again when Claremont takes her over again in X-Treme X-Men in 2001 and it really does feel like a breath of fresh air. She’s rough and coarse and rude again. She and Storm are at each other’s throats at times. She’s angry and she’s reckless and she’s funny and she’s you know That Bitch.

“Okay but characters change and grow, they kind of have to, and just because their creator intended them to be one way doesn’t mean they have to stay that way,” some will say and this is true! If we kept to the letter of the character creator’s intentions Cable would be boring as fuck and Shatterstar wouldn’t be pansexual. But here’s the thing—

Both of those Liefeldian monstrosities still to this day have maintained their “character slogan”, their Vibe, their Flavor if you will.

Cable is still a super douche with mega guns and 80 pouches who loves shooting things and is Edgy. He’s just better written now and has more depth. Shatterstar is still an American Gladiator made into a Real Gladiator clone boy thing who loves carnage and communes thru media lingo. He just sucks dick now. And is better written.

Note how this is not what happened with Rogue. Consider how LITTLE of her time in the 90s was say, about her conflicted feelings about her Still Evil Mom or her trouble really making friends in the X-Men because of personality differences or you know HOW HER POWER SUCKS THE SOUL OUTTA THEM or her love of mechanics or any of the other things that really only seem to crop up when it’s Claremont or someone taking notes from his characterization at the wheel. Her Character Vibe is “girl from the wrong side of the river joins a different paramilitary group for better healthcare”. THAT’S LITERALLY WHO ROGUE IS. THAT’S WHY SHE JOINED THE X-MEN. There’s absolutely room for growth here but that growth does not mean she has to stop having a mullet, or stop wearing studded belts, or stop being the other lovable unwashed mongrel in the house next to Logan.

But Possum Girl is not fuckable to most men so they don’t wanna write it and they don’t wanna see it and very few girls wanna see it because they can’t project themselves onto that. Also, misogyny— internalized or otherwise. Girls aren’t allowed to be ratty, loud, coarse, butch, aggressive etc etc etc. Rogue’s name is FUCKING ROGUE she’s NOT A SOUTHERN SWEETHEART that literally DEFEATS THE PURPOSE OF HER.

“When she was younger, Rogue thought the name made her sound like an outlaw. she played the part to perfection—using her power to imprint the skills and psyches of anyone she touched—until she realized she was stealing little bits of their souls." — X-Treme X-Men I think I cannot for the life of me remember what issue this is from but I know it’s a comic quote I had to type it out myself years ago since it’s not quoted anywhere else.

“The name 'Rogue' is not just a super hero code. She is very much a wild child. She likes danger and is much more of a Mississippi soul than a Louisiana soul.” — Claremont in a 2016 interview.

Rogue is SUPPOSED to be rough and wild and reckless and YEE-FUCKING-HAW MOTHERFUCKER. She’s r/THE_PACK in mutant form. There’s SO MANY WAYS to allow her to grow and change that do not mean she must sacrifice the skynyrd. But she doesn’t get to keep that. Cable gets to keep his stupid fucking pouches and his grimdark 90s patina but Rogue’s gotta have BIG 90S BAYWATCH HAIR and wear DAISY DUKES LIKE THAT ISN’T FUCKING VICIOUS ENDANGERMENT OF EVERYONE’S LIVES all so she can be the sexy southern gal and spend the majority of the 90s hemming and hawing over the practical logistics of hopping on Remy’s dick as though that man doesn’t have enough working general sex and BDSM knowledge to tackle the logistical end of a hookup with her and instead of trying to WORK WITH HER ON THE PSYCHOLOGICAL ISSUES just kinda fucking pressures her like a 10yo boy demanding a kiss from his crush for a while there before someone fucking LET HIM HAVE BETTER WRITING. Both of them are done dirty by that and most current writers more likely than not came in on this version of Rogue and Remy which is why we’re now being subjected to their malformed vapid bastard children in modern comics.

80s Rogue (and a lot of 00s Rogue) Imo are the superior Rogues because she’s an alternative girl. We have PLENTY of more mainstream girls in the X-Men but we don’t have any really who are ratty and mentally unstable and metal/punk and cause issues and don’t always sync up totally with X-Men “philosophy” and who’re Really Okay with committing Lots Of Violence and who are like, AGGRESSIVELY not perfect.

Why they chose to live in fucking nowhere Mississippi and what their financial situation is and just— whatever the fucking deal with Mystiny while they raised Rogue aside — Rogue is created as a mentally ill at risk runaway youth living in a foster/adoptive home and is heavily coded as poor/white trash. Like, I get very baffled by what the fuck is going with her early childhood with Mystiny (there’s a LOT of conflicting info) but i tend to assume they're living middle-classish since you know Mystique got that $$$. But Rogue absolutely at least coded as a lower class rough and tumble girl in the 80s and that’s like….. actually very important????????? That’s huge????????? Especially since the X-Men are the Disenfranchised Minorities with Superpowers wonder show.

Now look at any 90s comics or 10s-20s comics and show me ANY issue where “white trash” or “raised by Mystique and Destiny” shines through. Didn’t find any did you? Yeah. Thought so. This is why they’re the shittiest eras of Rogue Comics.

Looking back, I like how the "I can't touch a man" problem was sorta resolved with Roguneto in AoA, so instead Rogue's character focus in that universe is being a team leader and going apeshit to protect her son instead of angsting over Remy and how she can't have sex with him.

Part of why I like Roguneto in general is we just generally skip all the gross borderline fetishist talk about how she can’t fuck because she’d kill a dude or whatever. Magneto fucks. He just DOES. You look at him and you go "oh this man FUCKS". We don’t need to spend time on the fucking mechanics of it — in fact to do so seems INSANE. OFC HE FUCKS!!! NEXT QUESTION! Now yes Remy elicits the same kind of response but not the same level. Magneto is 3 grown children levels of fucks. DILF and GDILF fucks levels. This whole drama is completely fucking stupid with MAGNETO as the stage partner. HE’S LIKE 100 YEARS OLD AND HE OWNED A METEORITE. ROGUE HAS FIST-FOUGHT LIKE ALL OF HIS CHILDREN AT LEAST ONCE. WE HAVE OTHER THINGS TO ADDRESS.

After like 20 years of writers being weird little fetishist creeps about how exactly the logistics of Rogue and Remy fuckin would work when like that’s what a gimp suit and condoms are for, it’s refreshing to just not feel the WEIGHT of that forced conflict hanging over a romantic relationship of hers. With romy there’s SUCH a hyper focus by the writers on their sex life half the time not their overall relationship and it’s just weird and gross. Like they fuck, they figure it out and she works thru her fear of touch— can we talk about rogue’s mental instability and how that affects the relationship and remy’s fear of rejection/abandonment now?????????????? THAT'S WHAT I'M ACTUALLY HERE FOR!!!!!! YALL CAN'T SELL ME SMUT SO STOP OBSESSING OVER IT LIKE PRETEENS AND TELL ME ABOUT THEIR MESSY RELATIONSHIP DRAMA!!!!!!

Rogue also tends to just be fucking bonkers more when she’s with Magneto and I like that. She’s less southern belle and more fuck it we ball and it’s refreshing. It’s a nice combo of personalities platonically and/or romantically because Magneto is really an EXCELLENT emotional/mental rock which she needs and Rogue is 10000000% not afraid to call him a lil bitch to his face and he NEEDS people around him to help keep his ego/doom spirals in check.

Their arguments feel more like real conflicts and debates. When they team up it feels more solid and like a partnership. They just feel like there's more weight and oomph in their interactions. Magneto has such a power and gravity to him. He's literally one of the immovable tent poles of the X-Verse. They'll be finding ways to keep him on the field even when he'd be 1,000 in comic years. So by interacting with him it let's her be more of a serious character. She gets to square up unstoppable force to immovable object and really test herself against him while also knowing at the end they're gonna shake and say "good game."

You don't get that with Remy because Remy's not solid like that, he's built to move. He's meant to be flexible. If you take away his flexibility (morally, in personality, in allegiance, in wants, in self-image etc) then he's just not him anymore. But the issue there is Rogue is also malleable — she's literally absorbing other people. That's two rubber people trying to help each other stand. It ain't gonna work and none of the comic writers wanna put in the real effort to MAKE it work. (fic writers ofc, have cracked this code and know how to write romy who can actually work and be compelling even into the modern era)

for me, Remy was a good first love interest for her and I love his character and I still love their dynamic — just now in a more platonic way. Meanwhile Magneto is a better second and potentially endgame relationship for her. He's more where she is in life now and he both gives her someone to depend on when she's going fucking batshit from her powers and also someone to sharpen her claws on who can take it and dish it back.

#answered #meta #rogue darkholme my beloved #PLEASE 80S ROGUE TRUTHERS AND ROGUNETO TRUTHERS SPEAK YOUR PEACE AAAAAAAA #i need to find more of my people i feel like a crazy person half the time bc i have what feels like SUPER UNPOPULAR rogue opinions lol #glad to see more people who don't like 90s rogue! there are dozens of us!!! DOZENS!!!! #same for roguneto fans DOZENS!!!!! #thompson and howard i will find where you live i'm not afraid to die #also evo rogue is the best adaptation of rogue ever PERIOD

[inafieldofdaisies]

Five songs that remind you of the Seeds (outside of the game's OST) | Tag seen from @direwombat | Leaving the tag open <3

*I thought to include a snippet of the lyrics too when available

John Seed:

Kleptomaniac by DEZI

I'm a parasite I do anything to feed my appetite I'm gonna make this Hell look just like Paradise Sacrificial lamb, you think you've seen the light

Am I sadistic, do I do it on purpose? Antagonistic, am I making you nervous?

I crave the self-indulgence And I blame it on compulsion And I try to fight the urges But underneath the surface I'm a kleptomaniac

I'm gonna take it all And you're ok with that

Saints by Echos

You were standing there like an angry god Counting out my sins just to cross them off Saying that my tongue was too loud to trust And that my blood couldn't keep you

My dear, you're not so innocent You're fooling Heaven's gates So you won't have to change You're no saint, you're no savior

Looking at the Devil by Seibold

I like the taste of the poison I like the rush of the pain

I come alive in the darkness You know that I love the game While there's a snake in the garden No one's safe

See you bleed by Ramsey

I just wanna see you bleed Open you and set you free

Luci by ZAND

He's got a great big smile and cheekbones cut like knives But I know he's real ugly inside

Think there's gonna be a showdown Between my new hot friend and I My pocket knife is cutting up the ropes now Gotta try, gotta try I think there's gonna be a showdown Between my new hot friend and I 'Cause in the end, the ultimatum is that one of us has to die Not I

Jacob Seed:

Will you fight by Klergy, Beginners

Your time has come Can't tell hell from the sun When it's all said and done Who will you become? When nothing's as it seems Don't let 'em bring you down on your knees When nothing's as it seems Who will you become?

Will you run or will you fight? When the war comes

The Hunter by Sam Tinnesz

There's no rest for the fallen Oh we're burning the fields You're the snake in the garden And you're under my heels

Who's gonna save you Who's gonna save you now When the hunter comes

World Gone Wild by UNSECRET, Sam Tinnesz

Feeling the tension Pushing at the seams There's no way to stop this You can't stop this

The pressure is building It's getting hard to breathe No end to the madness

Four, three, two, one There's nowhere left to run

It's a world gone wild

Here come the wolves by Lola Blanc

Hеre come the wolves They're coming to get ya I run through the woods I'm not gonna let you go I'm baring my teeth, I'm ready My tongue is a sharp machete

Fighter by Jung Youth, Sam Tinnesz

I can feel the desperation All my dogs can smell the fear If you ain't ready for the belly Why you even coming here They been waiting for the end Before the game even begins And I've been fighting for my soul For my family for my friends I ain't ever giving up

Faith Seed:

River by Oh, be clever

I used to keep my dark a secret I used to keep my heart in pieces He said he liked me better as a mess He said he wants to save me from myself

Mermaid by Skott

Believe me, it is true You know that I would jump too Ooh, into the blue, into the blue It's proof, because we got nothing to lose And there ain't nothing to prove You know I'd jump with you

All I need by Roniit

Embrace me, I swear I'll be safe, I'll show you the way, open the gates I'm careful and believe me I'll stay I could be all that you're looking for

You're aimless, but you gotta be brave

Her & The Sea by CLANN (instrumental)

Chimerical by Roniit (instrumental)

Joseph Seed:

Reborn by Galleaux

I'm watching in silence Burying all I've lost Let this be the end Let me start again

Let the fire burn it to the ground Feel the world of ashes as it crumbles down Breathe the smoke, breathe it in Don't stop until it cleanses my sins

And I am reborn

And so It Begins by Klergy

You've been waiting Looking off into the night Search the horizon Watching out for smoke and fire You knew this day would come You aren't the only one And so it begins

The Beginning of the End by Klergy, Valerie Broussard

Reckless behavior is looking at a man Like he was a savior

Blind leading blind Everything looks darker When you close your eyes

Deity by Demo Club, TENDER (for the life of me I can't find the full lyrics, and I don't wanna guess them bcs TENDER be mumbling at times)

Shepherd of This Flock by JT Music (it's inspired by FC5 so ofc I'm including it)

Who found you while you were lost? When blind, who helped you see? Cuz I'm the shepherd of this flock I guide my righteous sheep Of your sins, I'll see you washed Then I'll set your soul free The word of God is one you trust So thank God He speaks through me

#music tag #song tag #the seeds #john seed #jacob seed #joseph seed #faith seed #far cry 5 #fc5 #far cry 5 fandom #fc5 fandom #playlist #myedit #far cry tag #songs #song inspo #character inspiration #song lyrics #edens gate #far cry games #far cry fandom