#i cannot believe i am doing this to myself

[12triceratops]

Where the rubber meets the road.

These two didn't just have a relationship, they had a (soul)utionship. "The Prophecy" Hand on the throttle Thought I caught lightning in a bottle...

What these two had was magical. There is no debate that Karlie Kloss and Taylor Swift were electric: (I am using past tense for the moment, I will refer to them in present tense a bit later in the post)

Fast forward a decade later to Fortnight. This record did not hit me immediately the way "Folklore" and "Evermore" did, It has almost been a week since it's release and I hadn't been fully onboard with TTPD. I was expecting something different, something not familiar and I had quite literally thought maybe Jack Antinoff and Taylor Swift had reached their limit together as collaborators. The music produced by Aaron Dressner had flavors and connections to "Folklore" and "Evermore," while parts of the album was reminiscent of "1989." My next thought that maybe the three of them had done all they could do.

And then the Matty Healy conversation exploded across the net (le sigh), and I just about gave up on the record.

I damn near had a sanguinary struggle within myself over The Tortured Poets Department (I know, that is very dramatic lol), and then I finally got it. The brilliance of this woman is unmatched.

The last song "The Manuscript." Now and then she rereads the manuscript Of the entire torrid affair

"The entire torrid affair" meaning the last decade (probably longer, but I am sticking with 2014-2024). The title isn't lost on me and many others - The Man-U-Script.

The last segment of the song

The only thing that's left is the manuscript One last souvenir from my trip to your shores Now and then I reread the manuscript But the story isn't mine anymore

She is closing the chapter on all of it. It's over, the countless theories, the stories we all have created about her. They're our stories now, we built them into a formidable, monstrous entity that took on a life of its own. "The last souvenir" are her words to us on this album. From the Swifities, to the Gaylors/Kaylors, to the haters, critics, industry, fans, media. She won't play this game anymore. Taylor gave enough clues on this album to make EVERYONE'S theory plausible (Karlie, Joe, Matty, Travis, Harry, Kim etc). She connected threads to come full circle, which brings us back to "1989," that 1980s syth-pop (hello! "I Can Do It With A Broken Heart"). This is why she and Jack Antonoff brought us back to where it all began, Karlie Kloss and #Kissgate (Dianna Agron, too, who can forget "Wonderland). Aaron Dressner summons moments within this records of the two albums that fractured my soul, F & E. That folky-pop melody that gets into your skin to change the DNA. No joke, I sobbed listening to "Folklore" and "Evermore."

With TTPD, Taylor comes in like a thrashing, tumultuous storm; at times seething and others admonishing. She is singing to herself, for herself and without need of approval from the mainstream radio (or anyone else). TTPD is messy, too much, not enough, vulnerable, real, relatable and she is tired of our collective shit.

Back to "The Manuscript" This Era has come to an end and she is leaving us with the ruins, the aftermath of what she went through: being forced to hide who she really is, having to placate the rabid fans who believe the stories of every boy she has ever dated. She has had zero privacy and the only safe place Taylor has ever had was her music, she is the ONLY one who knows to whom she sings. Does she love her fans, of course, but Mother is tired and done. She is ready to come clean and live the life she has crafted to keep in secret in order to protect the innocent.

The beards, NDAs, slight of hand, she is smashing all that we know. It's not her reflection she seeks to shatter, it's the illusions. In "Fortnight" the nurse, a woman (cannot convince me that it's not Karlie. A doorframe is 6'8" and that nurse is about 5" shorter that frame, which would make that person 6'3" :), comes to save her, gives her the key to set her free. The men in the video are the ones who are torturing her. Like the last 10 years, The poet has been tortured by the department of men: Joe, John, Conner, Jake, Harry, Calvin, Tom, Joe, Matty, Travis, Scooter, Scott, and the list goes on.

It's "Robin" that has got a choke-hold on me.

Buried down deep And out of your reach The secret we all vowed To keep it from you in sweetness

She is singing to a child, a kid, and I am going to say a little boy. Is this song about Levi? I am going to say yes. Hands down the gem of the album, and our cue to realize she is telling us what is next, her family, the loves of her life: Karlie and the kids. That is what she wants and that will be her next chapter. We struggle to interpret the Taylor that is always ten steps ahead of us. Her Eras Tour, this will be the last one for a while. Once it has wrapped, I wouldn't be surprised if she disappeared for a spell. Will she produce more work, sure. Perform, probably, but this last decade has taken a toll, and this tour has been a herculean effort. Hence, its wild success. Could she retire (FLORIDA)? It's possible, but she would never tell us, we would have to figure that out for ourselves.

I have more to say, but it's late and I am sleepy. As I get lost in the piano of "The Manuscript" I am reminded of the book "The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo"

Not sure if anyone is going to see or read this, but I needed a place to write my thoughts about this extraordinary album that I almost let slip through my fingers. Good night and sleep well everyone <3

#taylor swift #karlie kloss #the tortured poets department #matty healy #gaylor #kaylor #jack antonoff #aaron dessner #1989 era #the eras tour

[givemearmstopraywith]

how do i reconcile being religious (catholic specifically) while also being pro-choice? I’m sorry if this sounds like a bait question, it’s not i promise! But recently i’ve been grappling with my faith again and trying to immerse myself with god again and i feel a bit….dissonant i guess? over having strong opinions on abortion and then on the other hand being religious. i don’t feel grief about being pro-choice, it’s something i believe proudly and w integrity. but it seems like i am in between two opposing great forces which demand of me to choose one over the other? do you have any kind words on how i could possibly reconcile with these? thank you x

i just finished writing research close to this topic, specifically on the problem of mary's consent. which of course comes back to issue of bodily autonomy which is central to questions of abortion. and mary is a problem: theology can neither acknowledge the problem of rape nor accept a consenting woman. to not consent is to be raped, to have control over your body, to say "yes," to consent, is to show a yearning for sexual pleasure, for oneness, and to innate acknowledge that a woman has control over her body before Go does. women must be both and neither: that is why we have the virgin mary. according to contemporary understandings of consent, mary simply could not consent: effectively God has autonomy over her body before she does.

the historical mary is a woman: she is jewish, poor, young, unmarried, and pregnant, and is the ultimate embodiment of liberation theology’s “preferential option for the poor.” but she is absolutely absent of any sexuality. when marcella althaus-reid states that poverty is a bodily and sexual matter, mary cannot be included in this statement. mary is never indecent: her existence is pinioned on the concept of her decency. she is the “right” version of all women, the perfect mate for the god-man: she is submissive, and receives him without becoming distracted by the matter of her self-determination. mary is never overcome by a profane hunger. theology requires this ultimate model of femininity to measure against all other women.

elisabeth schussler fiorenza calls attention to the danger to ecclesiastical and political authorities if mary is rendered as a self-determining single mother: a single woman who is “god-empowered, god-protected” and “filled with the holy spirit who exalts the violated and makes the fruit of illegitimacy holy.” if mary was rendered as excitedly or joyfully consenting to the act of impregnation by god, she would not suit the dominant narrative of women’s sexuality in theology: her joy can only be vocalised after she has already submitted to the masculine-penetrative god-man.

a woman who leans into the oneness and pleasure of union with god because it is pleasurable, out of the locus of her body and her sense of self-determination rather than a sense of duty or submission, has no defined place in christian theology. she can only be appropriated and co-opted by dominant patriarchal narratives, talked over, and silenced. a mary who found pleasure and joy in her impregnation, who readily and excitedly agreed to the divine directive in full knowledge of its implications, implies a femininity which cannot be controlled.

i mention mary because mary is the nexus of most catholic arguments about abortion, whether she is specifically named or not. she is the excuse used to block anyone regarded as "receptive" to patriarchy from having control of their body. i personally read the lucan narrative as mary consenting: let what you have said be done to me. this is consent, though we may debate whether or not it was informed or coerced. but i cannot imagine that christ would have come into the world through an unwilling mother. nor does God force belief on those who do not consent to believe: only people, only dogma, forces itself on the unconsenting. so in this way i can say that God cannot exist to us without consent. violation is a human creation: it is humans who violate God at the crucifixion. as such God cannot exist to us without bodily autonymy, without allowing us choice- it is the human creation of fascism which denies choice, and i hold that dimension of denial absolutely separate from God, because it is not part of God. God may be used to excuse it, but God cannot deny the natural choice and autonomy of his creation without also violating his own existence.

as for catholicism, it is old and it loves augustine. the idea that abortion is wrong is a fairly new invention in the cahtolic church and really only comes from fears that all babies are destined to hell. medieval catholicism saw life as beginning at the "quickening," which could mean anything but was seen as the first movement of the child in the womb. quickening was seen as the moment of ensoulment, and church views of abortion dictated that after ensoulment, a baby would be condemned if not baptized. it is this bizarre and exceptionally antiquated view that is the foundation of contemporary abortion debates: but even contemporary ideas of "human at conception" are ludicrous in comparison to how medieval catholicism understood when a person became a person separate from the person of the one bearing it. christianity dispelled with the judaic idea that the mother's life was more important than the fetus: it is typical of christianity to dispel of its own humanity.

effectively what i'm saying is that things change. the church changes: we find ourselves in unfortunate epochs, but the catholic church is prone to evolution and i appreciate that. but i don't feel, in any way, that being pro-choice and being catholic are at odds with each other. your morality is simply beyond where the magisterium can currently gather itself, and that's okay. the church has always been like that and probably always will be. it is the body of believers, those in the grassroots, those out in the world, who matter the most: over and above canon law, since all law (unlike God) is subject to editing and change. maybe that's a bit controversial: i don't believe it is. jesus didn't live in the temple, he lived on the street. he loved his religion, but he also knew that certain aspects did more harm then good. and maybe he felt conflicted over his love for his faith and his conviction about humanity. you walk where he treads: be proud of that.

#replies

[artists-ally]

{So Let’s Get Swallowed Whole}

ii from Sleep Token

30+ hours total

Guys. I am blown tf away rn. I cannot believe I drew this. I am just…. God man it’s incredible the things you don’t realize you’re capable of. I never used to care that much about how my pieces looked, and now I do and it’s insane. I’m so happy with how this turned out and I cannot be more excited to start my next piece to add to my little Sleep Token collection.

Out of all the things in this drawing, the only thing I knew how to do was draw some folds in clothing. I have zero experience drawing percussion equipment (very meta for a percussionist) but I somehow figured it out. (dont ask me how I did it I just did it it was hard)

The cymbal

The drum wrap

THE. PAINT. CHIPPING. OFF. HIS. ARMS.

I love everything about this and I’m so proud of myself for finishing it and not giving up halfway through like I tend to do 😭😭 I plan on doing iii next, and I have a few photos in mind and I cannot wait to give more updates!!!

#ally chats #ally draws #ii sleep token #sleep token fanart #sleep token #vessel sleep token #iii sleep token #iv sleep token #sleep token art #sleep token ii

[kinzuti]

Shout out to all these authors & fanfics

Murder Drones ver.

I swear I feel like fanfics are part of my daily life now. I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing. Hey, least I get my daily reading in I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ but you’re not here to ponder read about that. You’re here to see some shout outs.

P.S I’m not very descriptive so apologies for that. I just wanted to shout out some of these fanfics and authors because I visit their fanfics about almost every single day so I just thought “oh why the hell not. I’m just going to blog about it.”

Authors & Works

Lady Daybreaker

Oh my god I love their work series Ad Astra Per Aspera it’s just so good. And I’m going to be honest, this series is the reason why I love Nori now so much now it’s not funny. The series just adds more to the story for Murder Drones and again, I love it so much that I join their server. Never interact on their though because I am a bit of a coward I guess. If you want to see more to the story I’d suggest checking their MD fanfics.

Solgalleta

At first, I wasn’t very interested in most of their fanfics (mostly because crossover stuff) till I just told myself to give them a shot because why not. Their description for their stories were so interesting and intriguing that I just had to. And now, they’re the reason why I am interested in Monster Hunters now and I may try to get one of the games or such. So far I’ve read Beauty And The Monster, In The Ring series, Muted Manor, Little Purple Riding Hood And The Big Bad Stygian Zinogre, Sugar Spun Straight From Hell, To Guard A Goddess, Kaiju Girl Uzi, & Distorted Deals.

I do want to try to read more of their past works which I am going to try to do soon. These works were all just so good, if you’re interested in crossovers like Pokémon or Monster Hunter, or just interesting concepts outside of the Murder Drones universe. Then check their stories out!

InspiredDragonWriter

The first work I’ve ever read from them was I believe Sure!You Can Date Our Mama! Which augh/pos it’s really good so far and I adore the lil cuties in the fanfic already. I’m more of an Nuzi fan myself but I also adore InspiredDragonWriters ver. of Sam that I ship SmokeyBats (Sam/Uzi) now. I know what it’s like to love a random character so much in the background of the show/game/etc that I start to make up what their personality and interests are. I won’t say who that random character is but I will say their not from Murder Drones ha.

I’ve also read One Night, A Promise And A Whoopsie-Daisy which there is only one chapter as of now but I love it so much that I had to mention it. I’d suggest checking these works out when you can and want too ofc.

GameCube19

GameCube, oh my god. What have you gotten yourself into/pos. So far the only works they’ve posted are Broken Balance and Broken Balance Specials which go together. And my god, I did expect this work to go up to 111 chapters. 111. I started reading when it was only 11 chapters in. I am predicting at this point that this work will reach up to 1M words tbh, right now it’s word count is at 724,206. Anyways that’s not the point. What I want to say about this work is that I love it. I love the story, how long it is, the concepts, just wow. I mean, this can basically be its own story at this point. Loved it so much that I joined their server. If you’re interested in a Fantasy AU of Murder Drones I’d suggest reading it.

Astrachigo

First thing I’ve read from them is The Royals Blood which is so good I love it. It’s a vampire/royalty AU which is mmm, so good. Then To Be Heard came out which I am obsessing over because I have this knack for mute AU’s which I don’t know why but I just do. I also love the fact that Uzi and N in this work love and make music. Music is just part of my daily life I cannot go through a day without listening to a song or 10. I’ve also read “I Am Always There For You.” Which is also good. If you’re interested in these, please go check them out!

Daarkxwolf17

I’ve only read one work from them and I LOVE it and it’s concept. It’s so unique and sooo good. It’s called The Angel My Mother Sent Me. And I’ve been listening to the playlist they’ve made based off the story and now I have a few new favourite songs and a new playlist saved in my Spotify. Their art of the fic too is just muah so good. If you’re interested in guardian angels or just that type of concept I guarantee you will love this fic.

CoffeeTheDragon

Now remember when I said that I- *Searches through my tabs* okay why is it not here?! GOD DAMNI- *Spends 5 minutes looking for it again and saving it to my tab group* Ahem, now, remember when I said I had a knack for mute AU’s (Muted Minor and To Be Heard) well here’s another one. Blinding Steps Of Places Long Forgotten (FireBitten) I absolutely obsessed over this fic when I first found out about it. It’s interesting title, another mute AU, and Uzi having cute fluffy bat ears. Yep, she has bat ears and I love it. Read it if you please.

Spero11

There is one work of Murder Drones they made and it is called By Chance and I only started reading it like 2 weeks ago. Oh my god. I love it so much, it’s great, it’s adorable, and I just want them (N and Uzi) to be happy pls. I’m a bit mad at myself for not taking the chance sooner to read it. It’s so good, go check it out if you love Streamer AU’s.

HeyTiny

They’ve only posted one work of Murder Drones called Bus Stop but it’s so good. It’s been so adorable so far and it’s a songfic which I believe means it’s inspired by a song. I’m going to try to listen to it eventually. Go check it out if you can.

Electrozeitsyking/SkipBack

I love this persons Ghost Drone AU please go check that AU out but they also have some other great AU’s in other fandoms which I have seen briefly. Love their art too. They also have this fic related to the Ghost Drone AU which is called Ghost Drone so if you’ve seen their artwork on their ghost AU and love it please go check out the fanfic they’ve made! If you want to ofc.

WolfHeart87

Okay so if you know and follow kklog then you may remember this post based off thecosmiccrows headcanon. And if you loved that post and loved the concept of DD’s acting like birds then you may love Courtship Rituals of a Disassembly Drone written by the author mentioned above. It’s so adorable and as soon as I saw a fic inspired by that post I had a huge rush of serotonin and immediately read the fic. Go read it if you loved the post kklog made.

———————————————————————

That’s basically it as for now. I swear there are more fics I want to mention so I may just edit more in later. It’s like midnight for me right now when I finish this so tbh. I may just wake, realise I posted this, and ponder wether or not to delete it haha. I may not though because I don’t want all this work to go to waste plus I do want to mention these works and share them because I just absolutely love them, I know I said that multiple times but I really do.

I look back to see if they update and it makes my day just to reread them or just read the new chapters when they come out. I really do feel like fan fiction has taken over my life lol. But eh, I don’t think that’s to much of a bad thing :)

If I made some mistakes just let me know and I’ll edit it.

#murder drones #writing #ao3 #artists on tumblr #fanfic #writers on tumblr #supporting writers #ao3 writer

[blackjackkent]

"I never thought I'd say this, but I need your advice."

Any BG3 character of your choice to Minsc, just for fun, haha

(Sentence starter meme)

Ahhhh this was fun. :D I'm not entirely sure this turned out my best work, but I do love Minsc muchly and it was definitely fun to bounce two characters off each other that I don't normally. ^_^

TY for the prompt!

---

"I never thought I would say this. But I would welcome your advice."

Minsc looks up as a lithe, stringy shadow falls across the light from the campfire. The interruption is unexpected but not surprising; he has been deep in a conversation with Boo, and he finds quite often that those around him see fit to interrupt such conversations as if they were not happening. For a time it bothered him, but Boo has reassured him that there is no offense to be taken. Boo will always be there, after all; all others in Minsc’s life ebb and flow with the tides of victory and tragedy.

So he tucks the hamster with practiced ease into his pocket and smiles genially at the githyanki warrior standing outside his tent. “Then it you shall have! What may Minsc of Rashemen do for Lae’zel of Creche K’liir?”

Lae’zel shifts uneasily from foot to foot. Her cat’s-pupil eyes are narrowed as if in wariness, though Minsc cannot fathom why. He has fought many gith in their raids upon his homeland, but he has never - that he can recall - shown threat to Lae’zel here in Baldur’s Gate.

“What troubles you?” he asks, his tone lowering in volume slightly. “If it has a butt that may be kicked, Minsc and Boo shall remove it from your sight!”

“Chk.” The young warrior flinches defensively. “You suggest I cannot fight my own battles?”

“By no means!” Minsc smiles widely. “Minsc has seen too many githyanki blades piercing unwary bellies to believe so! But Minsc and Boo never saw a righteous battle to which we could not add a blow in service. You have only to point the way.”

“It is not battle for which I require you, berserker,” she says, staring with distinct interest at the cobblestone next to his boot.

He tips his head slowly to one side. “For what, then?” he asks agreeably.

There’s a short pause. “You are from Rashemen,” Lae’zel says quietly. “You have traveled far from the place you would call home. You have seen loss as much as you have seen victory. Yet you thrive among strangers and show no fear of failure or of mockery. You are… joyful.”

Minsc nods vigorously. “All of these things are true, yes!”

A muscle works sharply in Lae’zel’s jaw. “I would know by what secret you manage it,” she says gruffly, and drops into a sitting position opposite him in a single motion, her legs crossed. “For I am also far from home. And each day I feel farther still.”

“Ahhh… I can understand this.” Minsc’s smile fades and he nods gravely. “However far Minsc has traveled from Rashemen, Lae’zel has surely traveled farther from the rocks of wildspace.”

“Yes.” 

He considers her for a moment thoughtfully. “But what tongue would dare to mock you? Minsc has seen Lae’zel fight. The ferocity of at least ten hamsters. No, twenty!”

In spite of herself, Lae’zel’s lips twitch with a flash of amusement. “This is a compliment, among the Rashemaar?”

“It is a fact only,” Minsc says gravely. “Boo confirms it.”

“Indeed.” She does not fidget, but Minsc can tell by her intense stillness that she would like to, and she still does not quite meet his eyes. “There is much in which I have failed.” She admits it flatly, like a soldier at attention reciting a patrol report. “My former goddess seeks my head. I once thought to ride a red dragon through the Astral, and instead I crawl upon Toril’s face like a broken beast.” A slight pause. “And we seek a monster even among ghaik, the creature of ultimate nightmare, my people’s greatest enemy. We hunt ghaik at the expense of all other endeavors, yet in my first hunt I shamed myself twice over in failure and capture. Meanwhile, the people of this realm cannot comprehend true githyanki majesty; they look upon me and see a brute animal, alien and vicious.”

Her lips draw in a tight line. “To fear such things is shameful. It serves no purpose. Ch’ka m’vakoth sta’leth - ‘where faith goes, fear stands aside.’ But my faith falters, and so I feel it. I know my own weakness, my own strangeness in this place. So I would know your secret, istik, that you stand among strangers, and bear the worm’s curse and the mocking of weaker folk, and laugh.”

Minsc clicks his tongue thoughtfully, and within his pocket Boo gives a loud squeak of dismay. Neither of them knows Lae'zel very well - and indeed this is probably why she speaks with such candor to him - but Boo's endless compassion is roused on the gith's behalf, and Minsc shares it. She is young; she does not yet know how to carry all the conflicting feelings within her, while Minsc is an old hand at the maelstrom. 

He thinks for quite a long time in silence before he decides how to answer. Lae’zel waits in patient stillness, like a spring coiled back on itself, unsprung. Her eyes glint in the flickering firelight. 

“Minsc has often been told,” Minsc says gravely after a while, “that his mind is as full of holes as the cheese within his pack. But his eyes have no holes and and his ears only two, and they see and hear much. And true it is that at times there is mocking at Minsc’s expense. But Minsc has found it is not all alike.”

He begins to tick off on his fingers. “There is the mocking that is true and right, where Minsc has failed. In these things Minsc mocks himself as well - to have fallen thrall to the worm and seen his mind made not his own. To have seen friends fall while he could not save them. These are fearful matters, and as when Boo encounters a hungry cat on a dark night, there is no shame in feeling all the fur stand up. In these things, Minsc thinks there are matters to be learned within the story of his failure, and so he sifts about for those good bits among the rotten and counts them a blessing.”

He tips his head pensively to one side. “Then there is the mocking of evil tongues. Those who taunt so as to distract Minsc’s boot from their buttocks.” His lips curl in a tight, feral smile. “These bear no thinking of at all, except for the thinking that chooses where my blade might slice them.” 

He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and the smile fades again. “Then there is the mocking which is foolish, cruelty without cause. Those who decry Boo as no more than a common hamster, and Minsc as a mad mongrel to be kicked about. This is the sort you mean, I think.” He waits for her to nod before he goes on. “Minsc has traveled many leagues from Rashemen, and in that time he has learned much. And one thing he has learned is that not all those who speak are worthy of the hearing. So Minsc stays among those who would value him, and kicks off those who would not as he would kick dust from his boot.”

“A thing easily said and less easily done,” Lae’zel says bitterly. “In K’liir, one is not afforded such choice. The eyes of judgment are always watching, and they suffer no failure.”

“But we are not in K’liir,” Minsc says brightly. “And so Lae’zel may choose which of her failings are worthy of scorn, and need not suffer the opinions of rude strangers whose tongues would prattle foolishness. Or - if they are not strangers, she will tell Minsc, and Minsc and Boo will see to it the rudeness is well thrashed out of itself.”

She says nothing for a long moment, but he can see the wiry, tight muscle of her shoulders start to relax slowly. “Hardly spoken like a sage,” she murmurs dryly. “And yet well-spoken in its own way.” 

She lets out a slow, heavy breath. “In truth it is not any current mockery that troubles me,” she adds in an undertone, “but the fear of it in the future. Of being found wanting, when all is said and done, by those whose opinions mean most. Among the githyanki, the weak are culled out, dishonored, sometimes killed. I would not…” 

She trails off and makes a noise of frustration as she struggles to find the words that express what is in her mind. “My people and my goddess are behind me now, and that is a shame I carry, but there are others I would still not wish to fail.”

Minsc nods. “Your people hone themselves to a sharp point, and perhaps their cruelty is worth its cost where they travel among the stars,” he says. “But where we stand upon the ground, there is no call for such culling. If it brings you comfort, you may look upon Jaheira - for she has found Minsc wanting many a time, and has told him so in full voice, but always with friendship, and always remaining by his side.”

Lae’zel lifts her head and looks at him fully for the first time, and chews the inside of her cheek thoughtfully. This, it seems, might be a new concept to her - that her failure could be censured and forgiven in the same breath. “That is some comfort, yes,” she says, with uncharacteristic softness. “I thank you.”

“No thanks is necessary,” Minsc booms cheerfully. There’s another soft squeak from his pocket, and he nods. “Only Boo asks that should you ever travel again into the skies, that you keep your eyes widened in search of another such as he. Surely you, of all our comrades, might have heard tell of other such miniature giant space hamsters, and Boo has sought a mate for many a long year.”

Lae’zel actually laughs softly. “You may tell your hamster I have heard no such tales - but in return for your counsel I shall report any I might find, and we shall consider it an even trade.”

#astreamofstars #ask meme #bg3 drabble #bg3 fic #bg3 fanfic #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #lae'zel #minsc #lae'zel & minsc #hope you like! ^_^ ty for the ask

[like-the-rest-of-la]

Happy Little Accidents

The last thing Eddie Diaz expects to come out of his trip to Buckley’s Plant Nursery & Landscaping with his son, is to develop an honest to god schoolgirl crush on the guy who owns the place (and not notice that that is what’s happening for an embarrassingly long time).  

The plan is simple. Get in, have Christopher pick out a couple of succulents or whatever he needs for his school project, and get out without infesting any of the gorgeous plants in the shop with his bad plant karma. 

But then, the first thing he’s greeted with is a hunk of a man, carrying two heavy packs of soil on his broad shoulders. Eddie swears he can see a drop of sweat running down the man’s face in slow motion. His t-shirt looks like it’s one strategic muscle flex away from bursting at the seams and Eddie—Eddie feels nervous all of the sudden. And he’s gaping like a fish. 

“Hey,” Hunk-man says as he hoists the soil on the counter next to him with a grunt, “What can I help you with?”

At least Eddie has enough self-awareness to close his mouth.

Or: the one where Buck owns a plant nursery and Eddie stumbles through his crush (and has no game during all of it)—oh and also, there are a lot of Bob Ross references.

Read on Ao3

(With a banner by the wonderful @theladyyavilee thank you so so so much <3)

#9-1-1 #buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie fic #911 fox #I cannot believe this fic is finally done #...it's the first longer fic I've written and finished in probably 5 years and it's the first longer fic I've written for this fandom #I am always a LOT more nervous about posting writing than posting my art because... it is a lot harder for me lol #but - just as Buck is telling Eddie in this one - practice makes definitely better so I will continue to expose myself xD #I really hope you do like it... I was very nervous about posting it and Sarah bravely held my hand during this :D #and now I will be going to bed because it is 2AM and I should definitely be sleeping kdjfalkdjklf #okay... #nighty night! #lisa writes #au shenanigans #the buck owns a plant nursery fic 🪴

[takethelx3]

They're bathing they're chilling ☺️ sweet boys lovely boys ☺️ would never harm a soul ☺️

#i love being an ikimaru fan because I cannot BELIEVE this #I've been playing genshin for 3 years #and I never shipped this couple #BUT ikimaru comes in shipping them and suddenly I understand what everyone was looking at #and so here I am #although I do not want to tell the people on ig/x bc they will bully me #anyway for some reason this came out so emotional #is it because it was comfort art for me? #I was just feeling sad so I wanted to draw blorbo having a nice time #and apparently that manifested in lads at the pool #genshin impact #fanart #art #chiscara #scarachi #childe #scaramouche #the wanderer #anyway thinking of my ex who would HATE that this is my otp rn #also the water why did it come out so well I'm so proud of myself

[recurring-polynya]

#shuhei hisagi #unfortunately i am obsessed with this #he definitely knows how to do devil sticks right? #hisagi def seems like a guy who would have an extensive collection of phish live recordings #i bet hisagi and renji can do hackysack for like an hour straight but every time they try to pass to kira he fumbles it immediately #cannot believe i had to make this yo gabba gabba cool trick cool trick gif myself

[b4kuch1n]

pre-holiday leave crumbs

#sk8 the infinity #kyan reki #hasegawa langa #renga #hey. if I give u a bottle labeled wine with somethin else inside. would u drink it #anyways. tomorrow I Travel #The Turbulance evened out alright! so the Traveling could no longer be postponed #three days on da road babeyy (<- shaking and crying) #goin to a market! I'll try to get a new kitchen knife there. will be better than whatever the fucks goin on in our kitchen rn #anyways. post-fic haze has settled in once again I am simply no thought. this will continue for hopefully five hours #until I gotta get up for car time #kinda whittling down the 20yo reki design slowly to get to a point where it feels Correct #20yo langa is already perfect. maybe to nobody but me but I stand the fuck by it #I believe in langa looking like a guy lesbians would hit on by accident in his 20s. I hold myself to it #oh yeah if ur asking. no that was not a cigarette in the first pic. sorry Im a tightass about smoking thats a lollipop #in my head its the pickled mango flavour that alpenliebe already made a hard candy version of here #hard sour candy shell with. chili salt core. it is good (?) but it hurts my stomach (I will not stop eating them) #also if u catch the acc name going outside the panel in the comic. its bc I could NOT leave it at just 'random white girl' #it has to be the full thing I cannot do this fake fictional twitter user like that #literally the only preliminary caution I take for funny comics. nothign else makes sense I dont care. this is necessary however #anyways. it is time for baku to be horizontal and shit. so here we goooo #have a good nite lads! idk what will happen in the next 3 days! will most probably be silent! and then dip pen comms will open again #eat well sleep well! two daysborday until labor day

[renquise]

A friend once told me how a door wants a threshold;  how a threshold wants a body; how the body lingers in the doorway long after the passing-through.

(She spoke in reference to fey methods of cross-planar travel; I digress.)

The first time you stepped in, you raised your hand to the lintel  as if to fix it in space. 

I thought you might leave only the gilded print of your thumb; you thought to touch the wood  lightly for fear it might stain.

The jambs and the lintel burn last, I know, still bearing the weight of a structure long gone.

But you flattened your palm to the beam, pressed a negative image of the creases  where your flesh gives and articulates and folds. The summer sweat of your skin anointed the wood: the newly-hewn thirsts for benediction, you see.

The toes of your boots face outwards when you place them by the door.

And yet:

here is the lintel here are the jambs here is the threshold here are the green beans climbing the trellis

here you step through, again and again

(Photos cropped from "The Doorway at Darkness, by Henry Söderlund and "Old Doorway" by Simon Evans)

#critical role #shadowgast #i cannot believe that i have been driven to poetry by the sheer intensity of my wizard feelings. #i am RIDING HIGH and cannot bring myself to be embarassed about venturing clumsily but sincerely #into this medium #HOW ARE YOU ALL DOING #words tag

[hella1975]

my mum picking me up this morning: you're not as hungover as i thought you'd be

me, just yacked in an alleyway: yeah haha

#it's 3pm now and i still cant believe that happened that was. an experience #basically my mate's 21st coincided with her sister's 30th so they both had this big joint Event last night #where they literally rented out a farm house and the field nearby and set up a whole campsite and barbeque and everything #it was really random but also really good esp bc ive been friends with this girl since we were super young #and our mums were friends so ive just got. lots of connections to her family and it was nice seeing them all again #but there was fully like 60 people at this thing and i DID drink more than i meant to but i wasn't paralytic which is good #and my hangover ISNT that bad in terms of how bad my hangovers can get #it's just that my mate's dad picked us both up at 9am this morning which was already going to be... rough #and then proceeded to do the bumpiest drive down the country lanes ive ever experienced #i was literally grinding my teeth like i am NOT about to throw up in this man's car please if there is a god do not let me throw up #and i didn't! my mum picked me up from this (thankfully very quiet) road that has this rickety old alley coming off it #and i had the very humbling moment of 'im actually going to be sick aren't i' and had to WAIT FOR AN OLD WOMAN #TO FUCKING MEANDER OUT OF THE ALLEY AND WALK FAR AWAY ENOUGH FOR ME TO AT LEAST HAVE A SHRED OF DIGNITY #and proceeded to throw up. in a public alleyway. at 9:30am on a sunday. so of course i needed to tell you guys about it #im now force feeding myself garlic bread. im going to manchester tomorrow. i have a flight at the crack of dawn on tuesday #what is even going on anymore #also fully did just do nos last night with some 30 year olds. i cannot express how fucking odd a thing that is for me to do #actually no i can express it bc youse know that im funny about drugs so for me to not even be that drunk #and get offered a fucking balloon of all things and be like 'yeah why not!' is.... odd #i know i inhaled wrong though bc it didn't do a thing which honestly im happy about <3 #hella goes home

[raeiyyn]

note to self: never talk to people after 4 am

#i just told this dude i might kill myself before i reach 30 and he said i should do drugs instead #we are living in two different worlds #i cannot believe i am unable open up to my friends but then randomly drop this on an acquaintance at 4 fucking am

[itspileofgoodthings]

I spent the last week mostly crying and healing old wounds and having revelations and also facing things I already knew on a bone-deep level but also I spent the last week reading Mark van Doren’s The Noble Voice and oh my gosh he’s so right the Aeneid really falls so much shorter of the Iliad and the Odyssey because Aeneas is a stand-in for history and the Weight of Rome not actually a real person.

#anyway I’m being cryptic so in the interest of being direct: #I went to visit the motherhouse of the order of Dominicans who taught me growing up #to see if it was right for me #(a decision that was a long time coming. a longgggggg time coming) #and I need things to settle and they have decidedly not yet because I cannot even explain the anxiety that this unlocked #but. because I do want to talk about it for a second #because there is nothing wrong with how I reach conclusions about things and I have to remind myself of that #I do not believe it is for me and I will most likely not enter #and the grief that unlocked has surprised me because it’s been a mental safety net for me for the last ten years #and underneath the pressure and pain (there was stuff that happened to me that should NOT have) #(in the form of people having decided opinions about my future and what it should be) #(another reason I had to go because it had gotten so tangled up and I was so bitter and hurt) #I have always loved this place so deeply #and I still do and being able to separate that from my present. To see that I could love it and to know that I don’t belong there #Has brought me peace (I think. the anxiety is still in high gear but I believe it’s peace underneath) and also waves of grief!!!!! #Anyway it was SO much and I am still reeling and also it was so good #One: because I was able to say that I had been hurt and it was wrong and then I was truly validated for that #Validated feels like a weak word #Because it was better #But the mistress of novices was so angry on my behalf #And tbh that wasn’t why I went. It couldn’t be. I had to have a reason that went deeper than that and that could stand alone #no matter the reception to my story (which I couldn’t predict)! #but it happened anyway and it was good #and then the other thing is this weird double-handed thing of having all this flood of intuitions and reasons and things falling into place #which my analytical brain LOVED and then God almost putting a hand on my shoulder and being like ‘it doesn’t matter’ #Not as in: I was wrong #Because. I was RIGHT. But there’s a secret third thing #And the secret third thing was just (is just) God saying: come closer. Come closer to me. #Trust me more. No—MORE #And it just. Whew. This is a lot but it’s been a lot!!!! It’s been so much!!!!!!!!!

[atopvisenyashill]

So I came upon your blog while looking through the asoiaf tag and explored it a bit. Would you please explain to me how are you against Targaryen incest, but find Jonsa fine? I’m genuinely curious, as I’ve just started reading the books (I’m half-way through a storm of swords) and find nothing fine about any form of incest, whether it is or not considered as such in-universe. I also find little to no Jonsa moments. Could you help me? Thank you!

okay so first of all i got sent an ask forever ago about what the appeal of jonsa is and i’ve been working on explaining basically where i see the plot going and why it’s thematically relevant and is2g i’m still actually putting it together it’s just doing that in a middle of a reread is tough bc my ideas are kinda all over the place lmao (just like this ask is about to be sorry!) (also once again, sorry if my tone comes across very weird, i swear i reread like twelve times to make sure i don’t sound too snarky and wasn't just vomitting up a thousand words of nonsense lmao!!).

BUT. Well there’s three points to this: what the characters may feel, what i feel about jonsa, and what i feel about targ incest. so first the characters:

I think it’s important to point out that first cousin marriage (and auncle/nibling marriage, esp if it’s a “half” relation) are not considered true incest in westeros and in many parts of our world. rickard and lyra, ned’s parents, are cousins. joanna and tywin lannister are first cousins. jonnel and sansa and edric and serena are uncle/nieces, and you’ll note that when alys karstark comes to jon for help, he is disgusted that her uncle is trying to steal her inheritance and not that he’s her uncle attempting to marry her. i point this out because not only is there nothing legally stopping a jonsa marriage, the characters themselves may also see it that way (as not incest). and if your next point is “well they grew up thinking they’re siblings” my answer is - yes and? One of the influences on this series is Mervyn Peake, who wrote gothic medieval stories, and both incest and pseudo-incest is very much a big part of gothic stories! A lot of the storylines in this world are dedicated to exploring incest as a force of socialization and romanticism, from Naerys pleading to live “as brother and sister” and Aegon insisting “we already are” to Alysanne’s “Alyssa is meant for Baelon” to Jaime’s “he heard none of it" in the sept. I don’t think it’s that far of a stretch to posit that two characters we have POVs for will fall in love and grapple with what that love says about them, about society, about their role in the world - and in fact, about half of Jon’s most popular ships are between him and a female relative. Sansa makes more sense to me because she’s closer to his age than Arya, has a more troubled relationship with him, is involved in the political aspects of the story just as much as he is, and isn’t likely to immediately start setting people on fire after they meet.

Now as for me, basically - i think both types of incest are the result of socialization + extreme trauma, and I fully expect that if Jonsa goes canon it will have a tragic ending. I think Jonsa takes some of the inherent misogyny of targ incest and plays around with it - Jon having significantly less societal privilege than basically every other Targaryen and what that means for Sansa as an heiress - but just because I think an exploration of that dynamic will be interesting, doesn’t mean I don’t expect it to be rife with problems.

because the problem with incest is the power dynamic ultimately, and you cannot escape that power dynamic bc people don’t exist in a vacuum. For all the Starks have some fucked up skeletons in their closet, Lyanna doesn’t show up in Ned’s bed naked and ask him to stop her betrothal to Robert, does she? This is the fundamental difference between targ incest and Jonsa or even Lannicest; Lannicest is rampant with toxicity from both of those deranged weirdos but they feel entitled to each other's bodies because of their own trauma surrounding their tumultuous childhoods (and probably some normalization of incest from their parents and proximity to Aerys/Rhaella/Rhaegar), but no one is saying "Jaime you are owed Cersei's body" or "Cersei your womb belongs to your brother and your brother alone." So I don't feel the need to sit here and go "Lannicest is toxic" like yeah? Clearly, lmao, these two feel like they are so damaged, and made so special by that damage, that they can only love one another, that's not what anyone would call healthy. I don't think it's necessary to sit here and explain that dynamic has abuse problems; it's right there in the text!

"well what about the power dynamic between jon and sansa?" YES WHAT ABOUT IT. that's the point! i'm interested in how a dynamic that is inherently abusive will play out between two people who were raised to believe some types of incest are okay but not others, who are victims of abuse and societal alienation themselves. because at the same time that i condemn targ incest, there are obviously real feelings and genuine care in these relationships and in these people, because again, people don't exist in a vacuum. daemon backs rhaenyra into this corner and then crucially does not kill any of her children because he realizes that's a step too far, she'd never forgive it, perhaps even because he grew to love them (i mean, Lucerys and Joffrey likely barely remember any other father but Daemon!). maegor is a monster who very specifically never harms rhaena's daughters! aemon is a useless pos but it seems likely he had a hand in raising naerys' son to be better than aegon because he could see the harm he and his brother were doing to naerys even if aemon was too much of a coward to actually stop that harm in any meaningful way! the difference, to me, is that jon will see that this relationship built on trauma and grief may be the only love he and sansa will ever allow themselves to feel but it is not healthy for them, and jon will leave! and sansa will realize she is not the impassive, frozen, detached symbol that the men around her want her to be, but a living, breathing person with her own wants and desires and agency, and will let him go!

Ultimately, while i think romanticizing and sexualizing the taboo is fine and even healthy, for me, there has to be some acknowledgement that you are in fact romanticizing the taboo. This is why the shitty dudes in asoiaf work for me in a way shitty dudes outside of asoiaf don’t usually - my general bitching about parts of the narrative that don’t click for me aside, there’s firm condemnation of the people engaging in these behaviors, from cersei sexually abusing lancel to sandor creeping on sansa. just because the narrative also shows us and wants us to feel empathy for sandor and cersei and why they’ve become bad people doesn’t mean what they’re doing isn’t bad. that’s what i like! i don’t want a story that holds my hand and drags me to the moral nor do i want a story that presents a god awful person who is supposed to be morally upright and not mean for us to dig deeper into them!

(this is why i like the pt but not the st of star wars, if you want an example - for all the prequels are um. flawed. lucas has an overreaching story about the effects of war, slavery, and interpersonal abuse that he’s dedicated to, and we are meant to be horrified by anakin choking padme just as surely as we’re meant to mourn their relationship and love for each other when palpatine gleefully tells anakin she’s dead and ani destroys the room in grief. vs like. what were the sequels even fucking doing man).

So the thing here is that I actually do in fact find Targaryen incest interesting while being morally repugnant as a practice, and I'm positive Jonsa will play around with both the morality of incest and the romanticism of it in a way that I find just as interesting, varied, romantic, and fulfilling as like, the Jaime/Cersei(/Brienne/Tyrion) mess or the Daemon/Rhaenyra/Laena/Harwin debacle! I like incest and I also hate it! I contain multitudes!

#asks #anti targaryen #jonsa #stone and snow remains #AND CAVEAT. I LOVE AND RESPECT MY JONSA MOOTS WHO BELIEVE IN HAPPY JONSA. i am not about to play these fandom games #of 'well i'm not like those bad jonsas who only care about their ship' absolutely not. i think happy jonsa atp doesn't make narrative sense #TO ME. but i GET the people who see the path. i'm not about to posit myself as the 'rational jonsa' bc that's stupid. #(not saying anon is doing that but i am saying i see that happen a lot and i think it's annoying!!) #this is just a rant. i am so sorry. i cannot figure out how to cut it down.

[frecklystars]

my ptsd is horrific today it’s like I cannot go an hour without having a flashback. I keep spending money on food that I cannot keep down. I keep trying to sleep only to jolt awake after an hour and then having to go to work drowsy and shaky and lightheaded

I always feel so. unlovable when I’m like this. i relapsed on self harming again when I was clean for a couple of months and I can’t help but think that Ken would hate me the most during these times. like he’d take one look at me and just. want nothing to do with me.

he’s never seen human blood before. he didn’t know it was red. what would his reaction be to some girl crying on the bathroom floor, bleeding and vomiting profusely. it would probably scare him. I don’t know how he’d love me when I’m some… shaky and broken fragile thing

he’d think I’m too scary. i never want to scare him. he’d want nothing to do with me if he saw me like this. he’s never even heard of self harming before. he’s a plastic doll. he’d think imm. Really stupid hahahaaa I’m stupid for self shipping with characters when the idea of them not loving me has been beaten into me for so long you’d think I’d learn by now

#vent #delete later #self harm mention #I miss Ken so fuckinf bad but I don’t think he’d want to even look at me when I’m like this #i am so. unlovable somebody convinced me I am so. unlovable. #for months and months and months somebody fuckjgn beat that idea into me I’m so unlovable #and now with my f/os I cannot convince myself they’d love me #my abuser would hurt me on purpose in order to comfort me afterwards #‘I’m hurting you because I have the urge to hurt my most special friends and you’re the MOST special’ #I can’t believe I fell for that #she had me believing I am only lovable when I catered to every single unreasonable demand #and that she felt the urge to protect me and comfort me. so she’d hurt me. sick. sick sick sick sick #and now I’m either worried my f/os would hurt me on purpose because it makes me look ‘cute’ like I’m conditioned to believe #OR they would hate me when I’m having an attack and want absolutely nothing to do with me #I feel sick #im sorry for venting I’ve had a lot more ptsd breakdowns than usual in the last 5 weeks #nobody has to say anything or read this or anything like that I m just venting

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

yes there is a song in my head but it is the siren call of death so

#i am. Tired y'all #i have. chronic conditions. which i cannot believe will ever get better. #and it's been getting. a lot louder in here! #ive been finding it harder and harder to resist the nasty little voices #especially of my old enemy one of the aforementioned chronic conditions #tw ed #<- that #tw suicide #i am so so tired y'all i do not want to keep on going #personal #puddleglum hours #in fact i am currently sitting here thinking i should either go to bed or have a hot drink and both options have downsides related to my #stupid psychiatric blah blah blah. and the only way i can think of to fight the eating disorder is by mocking it which will come back to #bite me. anyway i am upset and bothered and i want to shoot myself.