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shatouto · 3 years

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hi yes this is another installment in the raised-as-sith anakin x jedi obi-wan au i co-write with @obiwanobi. we’ve been putting what we got so far on ao3 for archiving/organizing purposes so before you read this pls check it out first if you haven’t bc there is some semblance of continuity, thank you :’) (this installment on ao3)

content note: past psychological and physical abuse, messy healing, please proceed with care

you love him dearly

You stand alone in a great dark hall. There’s no sound but your pulse jolting in bouts inside your ears. Like the footsteps of a scared bantha. And you feel like a scared bantha. You haven’t felt like this in a long time. You used to be worth less than a bantha, with your weak hands and your small body. All you were ever able to do was get yourself and your mom hurt. You felt so bad, so very bad, so bad that you were willing to beg your mom to let you go, when this man came and swept you up. This man who called you the Chosen One. This man who you now call...

“Master,” you say, and waits for your Master to acknowledge you.

Sometimes you think it’s strange, to trade one master for another. But this Master, your Master, is a different sort. Your Master taught you how to hate the right people, in the right way; gave you a crystal and let you forge your own lightsabers. Your Master told you you were special. No, no, it doesn’t matter that you were a slave, you are special, my boy. You know you are different, do you not? That you learn faster than children your age; that your reflexes are sharper, your intuition stronger. You see things before people do, know things before people see, and do things before people know. The future and the past are sometimes indistinguishable in your dreams. Clever child, golden child, you are certainly worth more than a bantha; oh, you are worth more than the population on that sandy speck combined. You are the Chosen One! You are destined for greatness.

You were weak and small and nothing. You deserve so much more, so much more. A pity that the universe has never given you and will never give you what you truly deserve. None of that is your fault, my poor boy; they are simply too blind and puny to appreciate your capacity and recognize your power. But worry not: Your Master will give it to you. Your Master is here to help you. You love him dearly, because you are nothing without him, because the universe is stupid and cruel and you hate it for making you feel like nothing. Your Master, on the other hand, must love you dearly, or else he would not have told you all about how special you are. Would not have trained you to be so strong. Would not have given you the respectable name of…

“Darth Vader.”

The greeting sounds more like a warning, because you deserve it. “I—I’m sorry. I wasn’t strong enough.” Even your voice comes out too small.

“Little need to apologize in words, my apprentice,” says your Master. “You know what must be done. You must learn your lesson.”

You love him, you love him, you love him. You love your Master, you chant in your heart, as you hang your head and tuck your tongue back and wait like the good apprentice you are.

The first blow is always the hardest. You convulse, feeling as if a thousand red-hot needles are exploding from within your sinews. Blinding pain crackles through your body, and you scream yourself…

Awake.

Anakin sits up in his sleeping bag, panting. He thinks he heard the tail end of a scream, his own, but it’s all silent now. He’s alone in the dark, the healed stump of his right arm tingling under the prosthetic cap. He searches his psyche for the tatters of a bond between him and the late Sith Lord; there's nothing left. Darth Sidious is truly dead. Two strides away from him, Obi-Wan Kenobi sleeps soundly in his bed.

His eyes soften. The sight of Obi-Wan soothes him, reminding him of where he is in time and in space. It has been a few months since he killed his Sith Master. He is in the Jedi Temple, in quarters belonging to Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi and Padawan Ahsoka Tano. Nobody knows he is here.

Anakin turns away as one would turn away from a too-bright light. You can’t look at the sun for too long or it’ll burn your eyes; especially if you are used to darkness. He breathes in, and out, and shakily pulls off the cover of the sleeping bag. His new metal fingertips nearly tear through the fabric.

“Anakin?”

Anakin doesn’t flinch, but his stomach flips. Obi-Wan’s silhouette slowly sits up in bed, tousled and softly rumpled and Anakin feels frighteningly tender in the chest. He keeps his head down, not wanting to meet Obi-Wan’s eyes right now.

“Anakin, is everything alright?”

Anakin mumbles out something vaguely affirmative, and pushes himself to his feet. “Fresher,” he says, hurrying away. He doesn’t return to the bedroom afterwards, but goes straight to the kitchenette and begins to prepare a rather large breakfast. He knows Obi-Wan doesn’t go back to sleep either. He wills himself to ignore the circles under Obi-Wan’s eyes, come morning.

—

“Anakin, I have been thinking,” Obi-Wan begins, as he takes their empty plates to the kitchen, where a dishwashing droid stands await. “You don’t happen to have a habit of meditating, do you?”

Anakin almost tenses up at meditating, but he only lets out a huff of breath and opens the droid’s compartment doors. He’s glad Ahsoka is away for the night, staying in her friend’s quarters or some such. If she joins in with Obi-Wan it’ll only be harder for him to reject the request. Because that’s clearly a request, no matter how fancily Obi-Wan phrases his question.

I hate it teeters on the tip of his tongue, but Anakin just answers: “No, I don’t.” Obi-Wan likes meditation, as all Jedi do. It would feel bad, be bad, to say he hates something Obi-Wan likes.

Obi-Wan hums. Dishes clink as he sets them in one by one. “Would you be so opposed to it, then?”

Anakin pulls his shields higher so that none of the screaming No no no I hate it in his mind is going to bleed through to Obi-Wan in the Force. He makes the mistake of turning to look at Obi-Wan, because he can’t help it, and he's met with a hopeful smile and gentle, crinkled eyes. He can't bear to see that smile fall. “...Guess not,” he mutters.

“I would keep you company, if that’s fine,” Obi-Wan continues on merrily, like the good-natured Jedi he is. “I mean to invite you to join me for meditation before bedtime, in fact. Is that alright?”

Anakin stares down at his mismatched hands. If there is one thing he hates more than meditating, it’s meditating with someone watching. He tries very hard not to grit his teeth.

“Of course, you don’t have to,” Obi-Wan adds, fingers briefly brushing Anakin’s flesh wrist. The sensation shoots right into Anakin’s heart. That settles it; it’s not even a question. Obi-Wan will be disappointed if he doesn’t.

“It’s alright,” Anakin says, shutting the droid’s compartment door. The timer beeps, unhelpfully helping him count down to the dreaded session.

—

“So this is meditation?” Anakin blurts.

Obi-Wan sits cross-legged on his bed, in his soft robes and sleeping pants. He opens his eyes in a quizzical gaze as Anakin remains standing. Anakin curls his hands into fists and tries not to fiddle with the hem of his tunic. Obi-Wan frowns, unfurls from his position and comes up so near that Anakin wants to hold his breath. He smells like the cotton flower-scented fabric softener, like crisp, warm laundry - he smells like hard-earned safety. “You don’t need to lie to me, Anakin,” he says, a hand on Anakin’s shoulder. “I will instruct you from the beginning if you need me to, and I promise to help you with any difficulty. Now tell me: Have you meditated before?”

Obi-Wan says so, but Anakin is not about to tell him about the Sphere; about the long hours spent in that terrible spheroid room with enough space for you to wish you could move from your spot, but the walls were too smooth and curved for you to scale; about how silent it was in there save for his Master’s voice in his mind. Anakin is not about to tell this Jedi about the splatter of blood in the Sphere where he once bashed his head against until he passed out because he could not take it. How Sidious had punished him for it afterwards. How he never dared to do it again.

“...No,” Anakin says. “Show me.”

Obi-Wan nods; his hand slips down his shoulder and runs gently down his arm. Anakin blinks. Obi-Wan's touch always feels so… nice. Unhurried and mellow and never really demanding anything back. “I see. Take a seat beside me. Make yourself comfortable, please.”

Anakin crosses his legs as Obi-Wan does. Nervousness winds his core tight, makes his back rigid and ramrod straight. Obi-Wan is near him, both in physical presence and in the Force, his signature pulsing with the light of sunrays through butterfly wings.

“Relax, Anakin. Loosen your muscles”—his warm hand traces across Anakin’s back from shoulder to shoulder, then down his spine—“and your jaws.” His fingertips brush the hinge of Anakin’s jaws just as he says so. Anakin nearly shivers. It takes him longer than he thought it would, to truly follow those orders.

“...There we go,” Obi-Wan says. He draws back, and Anakin should be glad that the distracting touch is gone, but he feels disappointed instead. “Now breathe in deep. Ah, wait. Do it again, breathe in, deeper, and try to hold it. Yes, like that…”

They spend the next quarter hour or so wrestling with his breathing pattern, keeping it both deep and steady. Anakin goes from counting the beats to counting the breaths to finally not needing to count at all. And then when he thinks he’s gotten the hang of it…

“Let go? You mean I shouldn’t focus on my breathing anymore?” he asks, puzzled, bordering on frustrated. “But you just told me to be mindful of it.”

“Yes, correct, Anakin.” Obi-Wan sounds unfazed. “Be mindful of the rhythm, and keep it up. You’ve done well so far. Now you must turn your focus inwards, and meet the Force within you.”

Anakin’s eyes slide open for a split second and then fall shut again. He doesn’t understand, but he could just try. This isn’t any difficulty that he needs to bother his instructor with. He nods, and begins again. He begins with his breathing. In, and out. Slow, and steady. And now he must not think about the breaths anymore. Now he must...

The Force within him is a well of ink. Ink that glisten from black to crimson like the blood on his hand. Ink that sloshes and laps against the walls and the echoes turn into screams. A bright white fracture crackles from one corner of his vision to the other. Centipede-like arches of incandescence skitter under his skin. Drip, drip, the blood, no, the ink, it drips and it trails and it tickles his skin. There’s the familiar taste of copper at the back of his tongue, flavors just waiting to burst. Cruel laughter echoes from the bottom of the inky well, and somewhere in the thick darkness there is the outline of a woman’s silhouette, of small but strong shoulders and—

Something warm brushes his psyche.

Warm, but too close. Anakin snatches that tendril without a thought and delves counter-current through Force-realm. He forces himself to the other side, even as something shatters around him. He knows the drill. *Your self-preservation can only come at the cost of others', my boy.* Colors begin to flash, gentle and muted, bearing the fuzzy quality of memories. Sunlight flickers, filigree wings flutter, landing on durasteel grounds. He feels tears on his face and tears in his throat and his forehead is pressed close to someone else’s, someone he loves so dearly—no, not him, someone that the person to whom this mind belongs loves so dearly.

“...proud of you. Carry on, Obi-Wan. Live brightly.”

“Yes, Master.”

There's no silence more thorough than a heartbeat evening out into nothingness. There's no solitude more poignant than the company of a vanishing light. Saying goodbye is never an easy feat, even for a Jedi, and the anger and sorrow he felt—

“Anakin! Stop!”

Anakin jolts awake. A thick, ferric drop trails from his nose, warm on his lips. He opens his eyes and finds Obi-Wan beneath him, wide-eyed. His hands are pressing Obi-Wan’s shoulders into the mattress. Obi-Wan, who was teaching him to meditate, who brushed his mental shields in the process of instruction. Obi-Wan, his teacher. And if all of those images belonged to Obi-Wan…

He just broke into Obi-Wan’s mind.

Anakin scrambles back. The ink, no, the blood, now drips down his chin. It tickles. His teeth clatter as shivers rake up inside him. He clenches his jaws and stares at the ground. The sheets rustle.

“I think that’s quite enough for tonight.” Obi-Wan doesn’t sound angry, just somewhat breathless. Even concerned. Anakin doesn’t believe it. “Anakin, you’re bleeding. Do you need—”

“No.” Anakin staggers to his feet and backs away. Nothing worse than asking for more and becoming even more of a burden because everything he takes is a debt and he will pay for it. His Master always made sure he paid. “No. I’ll—I’ll clean up. I’m sorry. I’ll clean up.”

He stands there just long enough for Obi-Wan to respond - with anything, words, blows, anything. In the end, Obi-Wan only says, “Alright. Please, take care.” Anakin’s eyes flick up to find a grimace. He turns away and all but runs to the fresher, more dismayed than relieved.

Because if the punishment doesn’t come right away, that only means he’s going to have to wait.

#obi-wan kenobi #obi wan kenobi #anakin skywalker #raised-as-sith anakin #always-a-sith anakin #ex-sith anakin #so many tags for this au #star wars prequels #shatou writes #obikin #angst

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phantomchick · 3 years

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Naruto Fic Rec Masterpost!

The Last To Know by KuriQuinn Oneshot, Gen, Teen and Up, Team Seven, Sakura and Sasuke, Sakura and Team 7, Canon Compliant, Angst with a Happy Ending, trust, broken trust, forgiveness, hurt/comfort, this fic is fantastic and made me have so many feels for the characters as well as the bonds between them, Character Dynamics,

Summary: As usual, telling her the truth happens as though by afterthought. And this time, she's not taking it.

i'll always be there for you by RecklessWriter Oneshot, Gen, Itachi and Sasuke feels, sibling feels, Light Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Hypothermia, Uchiha Sasuke Needs a Hug, Big Brother Uchiha Itachi, a part of me niggles over team 7 failing a mission but I pretend that they ran into the hunter nin afterwards and Kakashi got the scroll back, it do be like that sometimes, Good big brother Itachi, Bad big brother Itachi, it’s complicated, Feels,

Summary:

He’s pressed against something warm. There are fingers carding gently through his hair, scratching lightly at his scalp.

“Nii-san,” Sasuke whispers.

The hand in his hair freezes.

Sasuke gets thrown into a frozen lake. Itachi doesn't know how to stop being a big brother, even when he's supposed to be pretending he doesn't care.

The Beautiful Orange Thing by zafiro Oneshot, Gen, Naruto and Kurama, Naruto is a very lonely kid and the kyubi is a very lonely bijuu, Pre-Naruto Canon Era, chibi-Naruto, Naruto loves Orange, Kurama tolerates Naruto because he is Cute, sweetness and light, angst and fluff, so cute I wanna physically hug this fic to my chest

Summary: Naruto arrives at a weird place and finds something wonderful there.

Maslow by FriendshipCastle Oneshot, Gen, T for cursing, canonical child neglect, Iruka feels, Naruto feels, implied/referenced child abuse, but nothing worse than what’s in canon, angst, hurt/comfort,

Summary: The first four tiers of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Human Needs applied to Naruto’s depressing childhood. Alternatively: Iruka slowly becomes the best replacement mother a ninja could have.

take the fight from the kid by theformerone Oneshot, Gen, Team Bonding, Team as Family, Team 7, Canon Compliant, but can be read as divergent, Post Wave arc, Pre-Chuunin Exams,

Summary: Training with his team is different than it was before the mission to Wave. Sasuke notices how things have changed.

A Clean Break by GwendolynStacy Oneshot, Gen, Teen and Up, Hatake Kakashi and Team 7, Team as Family, Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Team Fluff, Kakashi feels, Self-Harm via compulsive hand washing, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Happy Ending,

Summary: Every member of Team 7 has their personal set of demons to haunt them. While Kakashi is always prepared to lend his students a listening ear, he still hasn’t quite figured out how to ask for help when he’s the one crumbling.

The Beginning and the End by QuinsValoria Oneshot, short oneshot, gen, THIS HAD ME SOBBING OVER KUSHINA AGAIN EVEN THOUGH IT’S SO SHORT, pre-canon era, angst, Dont worry kushina, Your baby makes it out just fine, cries into laptop screen, Hurt/Comfort,

Summary:

“Motherhood: All love begins and ends there.” —Robert Browning

Uzumaki Kushina is an amazing mother, even in the very short time she has left.

Kushina comforts her baby.

The Prince Of Leaves And Deep Water by RayShippouUchiha Ongoing, 3 chapter fic, do you ever read a fic with language that is so pretty and evocative that you just want to lean into it, like a kid listening to a piece of folklore that’s been passed down, it’s just beautiful to read? And the words slice and cut into your feelings in the best of ways, angst, hurt/comfort, drama, Kushina feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Uzumaki Lore, well worth the read even as a stand alone should it never update again, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Canonical Child Neglect, Uzushio feels,

Summary: ‘Protect him,’ Kushina prays in the quiet of her own mind as she leaves; pleading silently to the old spirits from her childhood, to the things that the Uzumaki Elders used to whisper about in hushed tones.

‘Love him,’ Kushina begs of the things she only knows from instinct and half remembered stories, those things filled with the power of salt and sun and deep deep waters. Those things that live and thrive in the heart and soul of every Uzumaki who has ever breathed and battled and bled. 'Guide him, keep him safe for always. But love him most of all. My little prince of eddies and leaves.’

Left behind, left alone and cold where before there was only a soft sort of warmth and a steady kind of safety, Naruto wails.

Final Evaluation by Do_the_Cool_Whip Completed, 5 Chapter Fic, Gen, Umino Iruka & The Rookie Nine, Iruka-Sensei, Feels, fluffy, I have so many emotions about Iruka being the best teacher in the elemental nations and this fic brought them all out to play, Excellence, Kakashi is a troll, a huge troll, like, he’s such a troll he’s a mountain troll, Asuma is a lesser troll, like he’s mostly decent but still infuriating so he’s a bridge troll, Kurenai is so cool that even when she’s trolling as is her right and duty as the jounin elite she is, the person she’s trolling still respects her for it, a river troll, the kids are so cute and young here, you can really feel Iruka’s affection for them, please revel in the wonderful that is this entire fic, revel I say

Summary: Progress evaluations are one-on-one consultation meetings between academy students and their teacher. Their purpose is to inform academy students of their strengths and weaknesses and guide them down their ideal path to becoming a strong shinobi. Upon graduating the academy and passing their jounin-sensei test, new genin return to the academy for one final consultation. (Or: The story of what happens when Umino Iruka uses his final meetings with his students as way to send them off to become the best shinobi they can possibly be.)

it takes a village by quillofferings Oneshot, Gen, snapshot series, angst, character insight, konoha 12, rookie 9, team Gai, team 10, team 8, team 7, repeating patterns and revelations, kinda gives a sense of the culture of a childhood in Konoha in a way that’s very quietly tragic, this story was written well before shippuden came out but it still reads mostly true to me, A Classic of the Fandom,

Summary: A Naruto snapshot series in the form of a oneshot.

spirals by nescione Gen, Oneshot, Team Seven, Generations, Team 7, Dai Nana Han, Spirals, Repeating Patterns, things happening the same across generations in repeating patterns is a big theme in the canon and lots of fic delve into it and play with the whole idea as a result, but this fic does it especially well, Team as Family, Angst, Fluff, Angst with a Hopeful Ending, A Classic of the Fandom, Summary: From the sannin to the present- a look at how history repeats itself, and how it doesn't.

this, and love too, will ruin us by RecklessWriter Oneshot, Gen, Itachi and Sasuke feels, Naruto Feels, Short and Sweet, Angst, Whump, Brother Feels, Sibling feels, Uchiha Sasuke Needs a Hug, Naruto Uzumaki Needs a Hug,

Summary: Naruto remembers the first time he saw Sasuke and Itachi.

He remembers looking at them and thinking, I wish I had someone who loved me like that.

Ten Facts About Team Yamato by Lisse Oneshot, Gen, short and sweet, Team 7 feels, Team as Family, Dai Nana Han, Team Seven, Team Yamato, characterisation, short but solid, Ficlet,

Summary: On paper, their team doesn't exist.

Troubling New Developments by SicTransitGloria Oneshot, Teen and Up, hilarious, pre-shippuden, Team as Family, Kakashi pov, Team 7, AHAHAHAHA, Puberty hits the genin,

Summary: Kakashi takes a moment to wrap his mind around equating Ino’s chest with enemy shinobi while Asuma begins beating his head against the table and groaning about how he didn’t sign up for this. Rated for language and the general horror that is puberty

Of Harrowed Hearts by Sable_Scribe Ongoing and possibly (probably) Abandoned, Gen, Long Fic, we’re at 36 chapters in as of the time I’m posting this, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fix It, Families of Choice, Team Seven, Team as Family, Bamf Kakashi, Good Teacher! Kakashi, Angst, Uzushio Lore, Fluff, Uzushio Feels, Uzumaki heritage, Bamf Team 7, BAMF Rookie Nine, Naruto's ability to make friends with giant chakra demons surfaces early, Rookie Nine, Rookie 9, Konoha 12, Naruto and Kurama,

Summary Naruto has been hearing the rumbling growl in the back of his head for as long as he can remember. He’s seven when he tries to talk to it for the first time. He’s the dead last, the failure at everything, so he doesn’t actually expect to succeed. And when he’s suddenly standing, knee deep in murky water and face to face with a demon, he has no idea what to expect. As it turns out, the world could use something unexpected.

Automatic by Dayadhvam Oneshot, Gen, Sand Siblings, Fluff, Team as Family, but also, Family as Family, Short and Sweet, A Classic of The Fandom

Summary: Gaara's shield defense is automatic: he has never had to consciously think about ordering the sand where it is needed. Kankurou and Temari have always known this.

As Is the Sea Marvelous by blackkat Mature, Gen, Eleven Chapter Fic, Warring States Era, Uchiha Madara/Senju Tobirama, Izuna Lives AU, everybody lives nobody dies, Hurt/Comfort, brotherly feels, sibling relationships, Angst With A Happy Ending, Insecurity, Self-Sacrifice, Imprisonment, Fix-It

Summary: Tobirama is willing to give absolutely anything for Hashirama and his dream. Including his life.

A Lesson In Trust by Live Gen, Oneshot, Shikamaru & Naruto friendship, academy days, trust exercise, fluff

Summary: All Iruka wants is for his class to start trusting each other, too bad Shikamaru would rather watch the clouds...

Snow Is Serious Business When Your Business Is Being A Kid by vulcanhighblood Gen, Oneshot, Iruka and Naruto, Umino Iruka is a Good Teacher, Uzumaki Naruto Needs a Hug, Fluff, Snow

Summary: Iruka's trying to teach his class, but the first snowfall of the year makes keeping their attention more difficult than he would have liked.

The Consequences of Winning by tabjoy13 Oneshot, Gen, Team 7, Protective Hatake Kakashi, Hatake Kakashi is a Good Teacher, Team Bonding, Team Dynamics, Team Feels, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Hatake Kakashi, Hatake Kakashi Is Trying, Wave Mission

Summary: Three days. It had been three days since Zabuza’s attack, since Kakashi passed out, and since Team Seven took refuge in the bridge builder’s home. Three days and Kakashi hadn’t shown a sign of stirring. Three young genin are left with the question: now what? Cross posted on FF.net.

discendo docemus by llamallamaduck Mature, Ongoing, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Trauma/Ptsd, Uchiha Sasuke-centric, Good Orochimaru, A lot of talk about depression and mental instability, Also Sharingan fuckery and assorted eye-trauma, rarepair, Itachi & Sasuke, eventual Sasuke/Ukitake, Itachi & Tsunade,

Summary: There are some things a seven-year-old psyche is not ready to endure. An S-ranked torture technique preformed by a traumatized thirteen-year-old is one of those things. Sasuke doesn’t enjoy hallucinating memories of his murdered family day in and day out, but he’s learned to be philosophical about such things. It’s everything else that’s the problem, really.

Nidaime Otokage by DuskBeforeDawn Ongoing, inspired by nukenin, Time Travel, Dimension Travel, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Protective Hatake Kakashi, BAMF Hatake Kakashi, BAMF Dai-nana-han,Team 7, Team as Family, Non-Konoha Shinobi Kakashi, Hatake Kakashi is a Troll, Kage level Kakashi, Hatake Kakashi-centric, fluff, adventure, crack, mature, fun read

Summary: No one knew him.His father was still alive.His Sharingan acted like it had always been his.Kakashi was twenty-two years in the past of a different world.

French Kissing, the End of the World, and Other Impossible Ordeals by Tsume_Yuki Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto, Female Uzumaki Naruto, Time Travel, Uchiha Sasuke Being an Asshole, Protective Uchiha Sasuke, BAMF Uzumaki Naruto, Time Travel Fix-It, Smitten Uchiha Sasuke, grumpy asshole/cheerful optimist, this fic is literally just Sasuke being soft for Naruto, Mature but like it’s fiiine the author could’ve left it at teen and up and it would’ve gotten a pass at least from me

Summary: This is it, centuries of excellent genetics, of carefully selected marriages to maximise the potential of future generations and it’s going to be Sasuke who introduces idiocy to the Uchiha bloodline. The ancestors must be rolling in their graves. In which Sasuke is smitten, Naruto is a badass, and time travel happens.

No Tomorrow by Authorship Uchiha Shisui, Uchiha Clan, Shisui Lives, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Longfic, Completed, Found Family, Fix It, Mature, Time Travel, Fuck Danzo

Summary: The water was crushing, pummelling Shisui's broken form, even as it swept him further and further from Konoha.

And then Shisui woke up.

It's two months until the day he died. Two months to change the current of his life, of his Clan, of his village. And Shisui has no intention of letting history run its course.

¦ part 1 ¦ part 2 ¦ part 3 ¦

#Naruto #fic recs #fic rec list #fic rec masterpost

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cruelfeline · 4 years

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All right, friends and neighbors. We are going to engage in an Angry Post, because I am very, very tired of seeing people complain about and question both Catra and Hordak being “forgiven too quickly.” This may be a bit sassier than what you normally expect from me, so it shall be tagged as “discourse” and should be read at your own risk. It’s certainly not aimed at anyone in particular and is more intended towards a general attitude that I’ve seen. That said, I am having many emotions about cartoon characters that must be worked through, so it’s happening.

So. Let’s start with Catra. Catra, and the idea that Bow and Glimmer and Adora forgave her too quickly. That they should have demanded she pay for her crimes before providing her with affection and acceptance.

I just... here. Let’s. Let’s just. Let’s even forget about all of the trauma she has been through for the entirety of her life. Let’s shelve Shadow Weaver. Let’s ignore that. Yeah? It shouldn’t really be ignored, of course, but for the sake of simplicity. Okay.

Catra just spent who-knows-how-long on Horde Prime’s ship. Catra was just put through a hellish purification ritual, mind-chipped, and used as a vessel against her will. Catra also fell off of what was essentially a cliff, unconscious and limp, and nearly died. Potentially actually died. Whatever. Point is: physical trauma, emotional trauma, mental trauma.

What, exactly, do y’all want to do to this girl that she hasn’t already suffered? Hm? What further pain and discomfort and terror do you demand that she experience before she’s been “punished enough”?

Do you want to isolate her from friendly contact until she fulfills your random Redemption List? Make her eat her meals alone, without nary a friendly face? Leave her to her nightmares without anyone to comfort her? Shall she live with Prime’s voice and Prime’s memory inside her head, unable to reach out to anyone for reassurance and relief?

And for what? Why? What would be the purpose?

Do you think that would help? Do you think that that would help Catra get better faster? Do you think it would be good for her, to be further isolated and shunned and deprived of affection and sympathy and comfort? Is demanding penance prior to providing love really in everyone’s best interest? Is it in Catra’s?

And now: Hordak. Who apparently also doesn’t deserve any love or care or mercy until he’s paid his dues.

Hordak was born into a cult. An actual, played-totally-straight, honest to the gods cult. He was manufactured in a little tank for the sole purpose of being a body to use and abuse at his god’s whims. He was programmed and indoctrinated to be loyal and devoted to said god on a legitimately disturbing level.

And when his body started to fail, when it became too much to maintain, he was sent away to fight until battle or illness killed him.

Hordak spent decades on a strange planet, with no support system, fighting and striving in the only way he knew how to be worthy of the same god who threw him away to die. He spent those decades dealing with a chronic illness, alone, that caused him pain, shame, and legitimately threatened his life. When he finally had a brief moment of friendship, it was violently taken away from him. When he rejoined his god, he experienced only humiliation and terror before having his identity taken from him. Afterwards, his despair was so great that he subjected himself to purification agony in order to keep his painful memories at bay.

He has suffered chronic physical pain, loneliness, intense fear of failure, and a sense of self-worth so abysmally low that he thought it was a good idea to go back to his narcissistic monster of a creator in order to feel at peace with himself. He suffered all of this while blaming himself for not being strong enough to singularly overcome things no sane person would ever demand someone to overcome on their own.

Yes, he did terrible things. He waged war. He hurt people. But now? He’s done. And now, he needs support and understanding and multiple helping hands to set things right and recover from this.

Or... what? What, those of you who claim he doesn’t deserve the mercy Adora has shown him, is it that he should receive instead?

Should he be physically dealt with? Shall we withhold his life support from him, just enough to ensure he knows he’s being punished? Or, perhaps, should he be isolated again? Left alone to suffer further physical illness and self-loathing without anyone to reach out to for comfort and guidance? Should love and security be denied him until he’s... what? Rebuilt a certain number of cities? Provided a certain number of new technologies? And how should he handle his pain during this time? Should he just suffer the misery of his failures and his fear and his pain in solitude until the arbitrary Penance Quota is fulfilled?

What is the point of denying him these things? Is it actually helpful? Will it help him recover faster? Will it teach him some sort of lesson he’s apparently too stupid to learn without hurting? Will it undo the damage the war has wrought?

Or will it just satisfy some perverse vengeance fetish some people appear to have?

Look here. I don’t mean to say that Catra and Hordak shouldn’t work to help the people they’ve hurt. That’s fine. I don’t mind it. Honestly, I feel like they’ll want to.

What I mean to say is that I don’t see a point or purpose to withholding love and comfort and legitimate help from these two deeply wounded, ailing individuals until they meet some sort of personal redemption standard. I don’t see the point to it. I don’t see the advantage.

All I see is heaping more cruelty and pain onto two people who, damage though they’ve caused, have suffered so terribly and completely that they will likely be dealing with the fallout of their trauma for the rest of their lives.

And I’m tired of it. I’m tired of these takes complaining about Catra and Hordak “getting off easy.” They didn’t get off easy. They suffered. And extending that suffering to fulfill someone’s completely arbitrary sense of “justice” is cruel. And pointless. And entirely against the messages and themes of this show.

All right. I’m done. I’ve had my hissy fit. Back to less sassy posts.

#catra #hordak #discourse #yes i know this is a dumb cartoon but i have emotions and this is tumblr so those emotions are going to be posted gosh darn it

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mc-critical · 3 years

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I really don’t understand the amount of people who apparently dislike Mihrimah for not giving Rüstem a chance/not having Rüstem grow on her. I don’t know entirely how I feel about Mihrimah as a character but I feel like if you were to dislike her that’d be a silly reason. It was a opportunistic marriage, one she never wanted and to a man she never loved. Not to mention he was also borderline pedophilic (when he said to her on her wedding night that he had been “waiting for this moment for years” when she was 17..okay) and then coercing her into consumating the marriage through the threat of suicide. Sure, the circumstances of Rüstem’s life were sad, but I don’t understand how that entails him being *entitled* to Mihrimah’s love or affection. And if anything I found Rüstem to be misogynistic and possibly even abusive, which likely made marriage to him all the worse. Mihrimah’s definitely not perfect or above criticism, but that doesn’t mean she owed any man love, sex or affection, royal borne woman or not.

I don't understand them, either. Because this is the last thing Mihrimah should be disliked for.

Rüstem is a very odious character with minimal redeeming qualities. His supposed love for Mihrimah is established disturbingly early on and while that may have fled over the audience's heads (it sure did fly over my head when I first watched the show!) because their marriage is a historical fact and as such, is automatically considered the normal course of things - the questionable pedophilic implications are definitely there and send off the alarming signs of utterly problematic behavior. Sure, he's done his duty by saving her after she fell off a horse and (little!) Mihrimah thanked him for it, but it is clearly seen in his eyes by the second episode he's on-screen that there's something more and something baffling when the girl is so young. And it only escalated from there.

Obviously, most of his fanbase ignores or flat out misses this aspect of his character, but I also find people that think that his attitude to Mihrimah is the only bad thing about Rüstem when I find most of his negative traits to be present outside of Mihrimah, but with her witnessing them. I feel the connection to Iskender Çelebi and the way he bacame the stable-man of the castle are his most important character establishing moments: they shine a light into his sneakiness and ability to play dirty, but also reveal his immediate prejudice against Ibrahim. The ambition, similar to Hürrem's, but not for the same reasons, is set up from the get-go. He's seemingly following Iskender, just like he comes to seemigly follow Hürrem, but he always forges his own path for his own gain. His alleged "loyalty" is the thing that Rüstem usually gets the most credit for, but while he begins to look like Hürrem's loyal companion that shall fulfill her every order, this whole facade is deconstructed and ultimately, totally broken apart in S04. His character establishing moments recontextualize all the decisions he makes in that season and show the true nature of his ambition: he followed Hürrem when she prevailed over everyone, he followed her when she seemingly gave him the world and all the desired power and when she and the one she wanted for the throne were put into a disadvantaged position and Selim got the upper hand, he ran straight for the opportunity, despite of him making an oath in front of the Quran not to do that. He turns out to be simply an opportunist hyena who works only for his own gain. Nothing more. Just like he saw the opportunity to get rid of the stable-man before him in the past, now he sees the opportunity to be on the winning side again with Selim. He doesn't care who is he in front of and who he promised what, as long as they're of no use to him, he bails. His "loyalty" immediately disappears from his positive traits, because it turns out he never had it in the first place. People praise him for his loyalty for Mihrimah, but that "loyalty" also lasted so long - when he found out that she wouldn't ever come to love him, he began to bang with Gracia Mendez, in conjunction with the betrayal of what Hürrem stood up for. Now, tell me, how can Mihrimah love such a guy? That was one of the only reasons she tolerated him and when even that was lost, how can she still keep her ties with him?

[His backstory is sad indeed, but the only thing it does is put his actions into perspective, not justify them or make him likeable somehow. Especially when what that "character lore dump" specifically explains is his refusal to tell Nigar where her daughter is - the backstory makes that action logical for his character, but it's still framed as nothing short of spiteful. That said, he still does have some soft sides and the arc with his brother is where I found him the most sympathetic - this is the time Rüstem actually showed vulnerability without false alarms or disguise and his brother was probably the only thing that was precious to him and stayed precious after all these years, consistently throughout his screentime. What helps even more, is the brother's role as a moral compass and the last bridge between the past/his loyalties and the future/the victories he would achieve through opportunism. That was the last gasp of what was left of his possible humanity and after his brother was killed, he let it go almost instantly, because... well, after he willingly chose his own life in the saray, he might as well continue to live it, right? Him saving a boy in S03 without any hesitation whatsoever, was also respectable. But these demonstrations of a softer side of his being are also taking place outside of Mihrimah, but with her not witnessing them altogether. And they do little in changing the general impression of Rüstem's character and his relationship with Mihrimah.]

We have to keep in mind that Mihrimah's whole S03 arc was finding purpose in her life and finding true love. She had many love stories throughout the series with different people, different personalities and different motives to try to make it work with them. No matter what they've went through together and despite of them all having the same outcomes due to different outside (and inside) factors, there is a reason she fell for these people in the first place. Okay, while for Bali Bey it was a bizarre, puppy, immature, childish love, for Taşlicalı something truly genuine began to flourish with all the glances, poems, dedication (Mahidevran succeeded to break them up, but it's not to be denied that Taşlicalı was very hard to convince and he was still thinking of her afterwards) and sweet words. She got a call for a new adventure with him. Bali Bey, on the other hand, was adored by her mostly for his handsomeness, I feel, but even when he tore all her dreams apart, he showed tact and respect. What I mean to say is, if Rüstem has qualities that are "worthy of Mihrimah", wouldn't she see them? Wouldn't she see all these virtues? Because all she sees before the marriage are his words that she will marry him, that she will be his and that's it. The best she sees of him is his good manners when he asks her whether she wants something or stuff, but he could do that with everyone else, knowing his post, and the previous implications make even that alone head scratching. Why would she want a man like that? I agree with all your points. Are you, people, denying Mihrimah her feelings? She realized the potential advantages of this marriage and agreed to do it regardless, why does she have to come to love him when he truly gives her no real reasons to, even before she married him?

I believe Rüstem cares about Mihrimah, albeit in his own distorted, toxic way, but in reality, he didn't do her any good. His relationship with Mihrimah revels in manipulation and facades for her to keep, because she has to "protect" her brothers. Rüstem never actually took account of her own feelings or opinions on matters, especially when what she proposed wasn't an opportunistic enough option for him to afford. Their interactions are mostly focused on the survival of the game and the actions that have to be taken to achieve that. He often puts an unbelievable amount of pressure on her, which while given because of the system they live in, hurt more than it helped. Their relationship was never allowed to flourish in a healthy manner and Mihrimah could never be truly herself in it, not even for a moment. The castle she lived in, her home, was merely full of tension every day, not a source of comfort. His stoic, serious cunning contrasts with her own spirit. Not to mention that it always seemed he considered his marriage to Mihrimah as a price, a goal he had finally achieved and I doubt that she wasn't aware of it to some extent. The root of the marriage is only political opportunism and no matter how hard you try, you simply cannot force a person to love someone they're with only out of sheer necessity, only for a purpose for "the greater good". Rüstem never did anything to earn Mihrimah's love and she shouldn't be hated for not loving him. This is what MC Rüstem is as a character, whether we like it or not, and he isn't a healthy person for Mihrimah. If she couldn't warm up to him when she fully got to know him in their alone time, that means something is missing. That means he just isn't for her and. that's. OKAY.

But there may be reasons why some people could dislike Mihrimah because of it. I offer my experience with cases I've encountered in forums: these people are usually very invested in Hürrem's character to the point they view everything she does as excusable, at the least, so of course they would want to justify Hürrem marrying Mihrimah to Rüstem. But plainly selfish political gain is no justification and that may leave cracks in their view of Hürrem and it all may disturb them to a great amount. That's why they channel this ire on Mihrimah and perhaps demand for her to warm up to Rüstem, so they get the justification Hürrem supposedly deserves, especially paralleled with Valide and Mahidevran's previous attempt to marry Aybige and Mustafa, who.. surprise, surprise (but not really), didn't love each other. There's another facet to this, with people seeing or wanting to see Mihri only as "her mother's daughter" and not wanting to marry, not loving Rüstem destroys that picture, because there's a "crack in the system", she doesn't listen to her mother, who obviously knows better and that could be disappointing or demotivating, given the expectations she has set when she defended her in E84. Or maybe they dislike Mihrimah for not loving Rüstem, because they do find something in him. They love "bad boys" and genuinely don't know why Mihrimah doesn't, either and that could make them see her as an annoyance. Or maybe they just anticipate more juicy scenes between her and Rüstem because of the probable chemistry between the two actors and if they watch it only for the spectacle (believe me, such people really exist!), they may insist that Mihrimah is only spoiled and ruined everything for them. Or maybe, again, people may find this insulting to the historical facts or whatnot and if Mihrimah didn't not stand him, this "mess" of writing could be fixed a little. The writers have ruined her character along with the history, according to them. It's absurd, I know and I don't get it, either, but the reasons are there, as far as I'm concerned. That still doesn't take away from the fact that this is the weirdest accusation you could throw at Mihrimah, with how Rüstem himself is.

You're right that Mihrimah has many other, vastly more offputting traits that she could be disliked for. Little Mihrimah is very brash and spoiled and entitled, to the point she gave her own mother a run for her money. That was gone when she grew up, but it would be understandable if some didn't actually believe the change, especially when she shows this side of hers again every now and then. She could be perceptive, but could also be prone to influence at the same time, sometimes to an annoying degree. There have been times where she has let her own bias lead her and that clouded her judgement in several occasions. She came to idealize her mother too much sometimes, as well. She was terribly insistent on her infatuation with Bali Bey and letting go of it took her very long. She didn't want to listen much to the enemies of her own mother. Her huge love for Bayezid prevented her from viewing Selim as objectively. She could be vengeful. She could be bossy. She couldn't fully face someone calling her out on her mistakes. (the confrontation with Selim in E139) She became so engrained to her castle life that when she was offered a way out, she didn't follow it. All these are very interesting character flaws for me, but I get why they might be a dealbreaker. But disliking or hating her for not loving Rüstem? Heck, hating her for her contribution to Mustafa's death alone is more valid than that! Disliking her for all these flaws piling up together is perfectly reasonable. But for this? It's strange.

#magnificent century #muhteşem yüzyıl #muhtesem yuzyil #mihrimah sultan #rustem pasha #ask #stuffandthangs

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razorblade180 · 3 years

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Overall thoughts on V8? Assuming you didn't answer this already.

I meant to do a volume wrap up review but I got incredibly busy and it fell to the waste side. The thing about me judging RWBY I have to come at it from two angles or I won’t feel like I judged it appropriately. There’s the casual, first time seeing the episodes and seeing this through the lens as a casual watcher who probably only sees the episodes once or twice. But then there’s the other side to that coin. I review these episodes, write aus, theorize, check extended lore, listen to the music, etc; that means I have to go back and watch episodes several times for any given reason and that’s when you start noticing the holes or picking up on things you didn’t before.

As a casual watcher, I’d give this an 8/10. There’s plenty of moments where characters do things that got me excited and plot points I wanted explored. This volume actually gave a decent amount of things I wanted for quite some time and some things I didn’t know I needed. Certainly there are things I don’t like in this but I’m open and curious to see where RT takes their storie because it’s their story.

Okay, now as a someone who’s had to deep dive and take a step back multiple times for a variety of reasons. 6.5/10 maybe a 7/10 if I’m being generous. A lot of my problems with this volume are problems that aren’t new to RWBY and that’s just how surface layer portions of arcs are and how a variety of choices/bonds don’t exactly make sense with what we were previously shown, or they only make sense because the writers don’t want introduce other complexities even though they should be there realistically. I’ll give a couple examples of these and yes, I’m aware what I say doesn’t bother everyone but it bothers me.

Qrow was never angry at or brought up Robyn being the reason their airship crashed in the first place because she started the fight; which aids in Clover dying.

Emerald follows Cinder, not Salem. Even if Cinder is working under Salem, why would Emerald be so willingly to complete shift to the side that actively goes against Cinder? There’s been no grand revelation to make Emerald believe Cinder doesn’t give a damn about her. Leaving made sense because she was about to get tortured. Going full turncoat right now doesn’t. No change happened. Emerald always hated being near Salem but adored Cinder no matter the crimes and the show hasn’t done anything to switch that view point.

I’m happy Whitley and Weiss had a touching sibling moment that implies they’re okay and making/made up, but there was never a conversation about the actual problem and thoughts that had them at odds in the first place. Weiss saving his and Willow’s life shouldn’t be the thing that smooths things over. It would’ve been terrible if Weiss do something to save their life. Whitley helping Penny is okay I guess because he really had no reason to contribute but did anyways. Even so, a person doing a morally correct thing doesn’t automatically warrant the conflict between him and Weiss’s resolved.

We got Cinder’s backstory; it didn’t tell us anything about how she eventually came into contact with Salem. Honestly her back story felt more in line of her main goal through the series was an absolute freedom by the means of breaking down the systems that trapped and didn’t give a damn, rather than her quest for power. Yes you can argue gaining power means it’s easier to maintain her freedom to do whatever she wants but I personally think that’s a little off the mark when you gave her a story that involves her trapped by rules and time rather than being too physically weak to gain freedom.

This show has built up that the Schnee family has suffered various types of abuse because of Jacques and uses Weiss as a medium to build towards breaking free from that. Not just overcoming but confronting the abuse by cementing it’s place below you. We don’t really get that. There will never be a moment where the siblings and mother truly get to break out of Jacques grasps emotionally and then put him in his place because he’s dead! Yeah they never have to worry about him again but even last volume they showed Winter still having turmoil and being able to get strung along by him. We don’t even really know how Whitley perceived his father. It feels so lackluster. Then they care to mention how it’s Weiss’s idea to save him like it’s an empowering moment when in actuality, it would be against her character, values of a huntress, and morality to let a person die in cell when you’re the reason they’re in a cell! Letting him die in there would just terrible. I don’t even know why he wasn’t let out in that scene! He’s a coward! He’d follow their orders to save his skin. All he has to do is shut up and walk through a portal.

Ironwood and Oscar both knew they could remove that staff to use it and Atlas wouldn’t drop immediately. Why did nobody have any kind of compromise with one another since there’s nothing stopping them from using the staff for something and then putting it back? They had this morally gray thing going on which I liked but then they decided to make Ironwood go full evil. I’ve never had to say this before but the song he got in V7 and the character they made him be in V8 just don’t connect. I got upset listening to that song recently because I liked that Ironwood.

Clover’s importance. RT tried making a character who had no more than 9 minutes in the series and one meaningful line of dialogue into the cornerstone of a side plot. Clover is such a nothing character. Vine did more than Clover. They try to make him have such a profound impact to the people around him but we never see him bond with his team; Harriet specifically. We get one scene of Clover telling Qrow the kids are fortunate to have Qrow even if he doesn’t think so. First, I doubt Clover knows Qrow decided to get drunk in a ghost town and the kids nearly died and cellar while he did it so that compliment doesn’t hold much weight for me. Second, We see nothing meaningful between the two. V7 has a time skip and just expects viewers to be on board with Clover being this influential change on Qrow without showing anything outside of a witty remark and Clover flexing his semblance. I would’ve bought it more of Qrow almost relapsed and Clover stopped him then had a real meaningful conversation.

Ruby goes against Ironwood only to then want to do a plan that’s aligned to longer term thinking than even his, talks about how everyone should be working together, but then adds a part in her video to actively antagonize and vilify Ironwood. Afterwards, she wonders where everything went wrong and doesn’t think of a plan or do anything to immediately help either kingdom until the final hour between the ultimatum being made, to everything getting destroyed. The inciting incident was disagreeing Mantle should be left in favor of Atlas but the main character didn’t do anything to help Mantle 90% of the season and hindered Atlas’s safety up until the final plan.

Yang is used to be the devil’s advocate in a bunch of situations, but she’s wrong most of the time or her lines just don’t make any sense. They weren’t doing just fine before Atlas. They almost died every step of the way. The team didn’t beat a Leviathan; silver eyes and a robot take credit for that. Why would Blake think less of Yang for wanting to go save people immediately? Blake was never mad at anyone to begin with. Yang consistently calls out people for following orders as if it’s objectively wrong, but is never called out on the fact she hasn’t followed anybody’s orders but her own and added discourse to every situation. I get RT is making her ask questions because that’s what Raven told her to do, but all she’s really doing is picking fights and disobeying every order. Yang states to Ruby they accomplished more than they expected. That’s false, getting Oscar back is correcting a mistake caused by her own plan that she didn’t even complete.

It took 6 volumes before Yang had anything to do with the Summer Rose subplot again and 7 volumes before her and Ruby had a sister to sister conversations; 5 if you wanna count Yang telling Ruby to leave at the end of volume three. The reason I bring this up is because in V8 , they treat their argument as if it’s a big deal but then have every character say it wasn’t that big a deal; but then have two circle back to that conversation later after having neither character discuss to anybody that the argument actually did weigh on them. Yang doesn’t think about Ruby until she sees her again and the closest we get with Ruby is Blake reassuring her that people need her and how Blake admires her. I like that scene but it’s not the same as Ruby actually airing out the specific point that Yang said something that Ruby found hurtful. Vol8 in general people trying to comfort others but nobody ever actually addresses what made them uncomfortable to start with. Except Ren.

This one is a nitpicking but I’ll say it anyways. Penny getting hacked only served as a purpose to go to the vault, a thing Ironwood already wanted them to do. Nobody got her because she was hacked. You can’t even say her getting hacked is the leading factor to her actually dying because Penny became a vulnerable human afterwards that can’t be rebuilt. Pietro was gone, and already stated last volume he doesn’t have the aura to build Penny again. If she died as a robot then it’s still permanent death. No core, no Pietro, and no aura; hacking her was just to create a Hound reveal situation and make them go to the vault on a different set of terms. I’m not exactly upset with this, but I don’t understand why the extra steps. The Hound was hunting her anyways. I would’ve brought some kind of value if she hurt a friend and it caused them to potentially hinder the plan later on or remove them entirely. Penny could’ve rekt Yang and it only adds value to Yang getting one shot later. I don’t know. I’m rambling.

I think I’ve wasted enough people’s time. Honestly, I do like this volume. I’ve enjoyed a bunch of it. But there’s things that legitimately make me think it’s not as good others and makes V7 even worse.

#rwby #rwby volume 8 #ask me stuff

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aesthyuckic · 3 years

Text

AVENOIR | l.dh - VIGINTI

(gif not mine - credit to rightful owner)

Genre: High School AU (at beginning) ; Tarot Reader!Witch!Hyuck

Word Count: 2.7K

Warnings: (bold if in use) slow but with a purpose, belief contradictions, mentions of r*pe, blood, swearing, violence(??), mentions of abuse; this chapter is intense overall and can be triggering to some.

Pairings: Lee Donghyuck (Haechan) x Reader (F)

QUEEN OF PENTACLES: practicality, creature comforts, financial security

They all found themselves out in the main room that early morning. The boy and the girl sat on the couch together as the three beings somehow were able to figure out a way to communicate everything. Cosimia sat scrunched up at the end as she looked at the carpet. To be honest, she was so tired the whole thing felt like a dream or something...

The sun started to peak out over the horizon, providing a little yellow light in the purple sky that would soon fade to warmer colors as the day began already. It was just reminder how long it had been to them.

“So, I’m just never gonna be able to see the future again?” She asked so quietly as she seemed so small.

Donghyuck looked over to the woman who simply nodded at the question which he was quick to mimick, “Yeah... Your mom said the gift you had had to go to me, in a different form for me in order for her to meet your request of me living... It’s so there would be a reason for me to come out of the coma because before apparently there was nothing that was worth keeping me alive for exactly... I’m sorry, though, that you had to lose your ability for me.”

“Are you kidding me? I rather have you alive any day than have my ability!” She said as she reached out and hugged him, to which he hugged back as he felt so secure at how tightly she held him. “It terrifies me... knowing you would’ve died otherwise...”

“Still, I’m so sorry... I know how much it meant to you and you had it taken away without warning or any knowledge of it. As it is, it effects your part of the job we have... It’s all so messy and it’s because of me.”

“It was never your fault to begin with, Hyuck. If anything it was mine, I’m the reason Ten had a vendetta against you and the reason he shot you and I was the one to ask for you back. We’ll figure everything out in the end. Johnny knows I’ve been struggling, I’ll figure it out. It’s not your fault at all, don’t blame yourself. Besides it’s not all bad, I have you and my mom now.”

“You shouldn’t blame yourself either then. All you did to Ten was stick up for us, me more than anything. He shot me because of himself, not you. You saved me, Cosi, even if it doesn’t seem like it. You’re the whole reason I’m here with you right now, don’t you see?”

The girl already had tears well up in her eyes but he just lured them out with his words. Even after the hug, they had been there holding each other’s arms and it was the first time he broke away only to use his hands to cup her cheek so he wipe her tears away with his thumb. He could touch her with ease now, it still felt special as she would let him, the simple things like brush wouldn’t send her flying either. Somehow he could feel the rise and fall of her heart when it came as gentle.

She nodded, almost falling into the warmth of his hand that calmed her. It wasn’t long before they switched places as the boy was just as tired if not more than the girl. There were bags under his eyes from staying up late. She noticed that as she played with his hair. His eyes were closed as he began to relax and feel his eyes become heavier. Though he opened his eyes to be greeted with the girl’s and it started to reminded him of last night. Especially when her eyes began to dance from place to place with a small smile on her face. Oh, how he wanted it so bad...

“I swear if you kiss her.” The ghost of her mother gritted which he waited on at this point

He sighed out of frustration before he sat up, “I really hate this.”

“You’ll get use to it.” Cosimia chuckled, assuming he was talking about the new found ability. “They’ll be a time where you can’t imagine yourself without.”

“I hope so.” He hummed. “It’s annoying as of right now. And no offense, most of it is because of your mom.”

“She’s just doing her job as a mom probably... but speaking of her. You said she’s been around you since you woke up in the hospital?”

“Yeah, she has.”

“Well... it’s obvious she’s been around us for awhile then... She heard me and she’s been with you. Is there anything she’s told you besides what you’ve already said?”

He could hear her voice shake in worry when she asked her question, yet it was so subtle. Her breaths seemed to get tired, the type you felt in your soul that hurt almost. He was left concerned and puzzled by the curiosity and anxiousness that filled her eyes as she waited eagerly for an answer. He shook his head.

“No,” He finally verbalized his answer she waited on. “Nothing you don’t already know...”

“She didn’t tell you about my dad... or anything...?” She asked. “I don’t know I thought she would’ve...”

He looked over to her mom, confused himself as he felt a random way of aderline wash over him like something big was to come, “It’s not my place to tell you something about her that’s so personal like that.”

“I feel like... now’s the time to tell you what happened.” The girl sighed as looked at her hands in her lap. “We’re heading back there soon and-“

“If you’re not ready you don’t have to!” He was quick to interrupt in case she didn’t want to go any further.

“I don’t think I’ll ever be a hundred percent ready, Hyuck, that’s the problem. It’s apart of healing, isn’t it? Besides after the months we’ve spend together and all we’ve been through, especially recent, I trust you a lot... You’re the person I trust most and the one I’ve trusted the most in my whole life. That’s what matters, I think. I already told Johnny anyway. It hurt like hell and I wanted you to be the first one I told, but we were about to lose our jobs and get sent back home if I didn’t so I had too.”

She couldn’t look him in the eye that middle. She fiddled with her fingers in her lap to keep the attention there. He could see her blink, rather rapidly even if she was looking down. She seemed to be holding it all in, maybe it was getting painful in the way you’re throat ached from trying to hold back loud cries. He hoped not though...

“Still, you don’t have to.” He spoke up, softly.

“I know I don’t, but I want to.” Her voice quivered a bit along with her breaths. “In some regards, anyway... But, that day, when Ms. Nelson tried to get me to tutor you. You know how you wanted me to do it after school but I couldn’t?”

“Yeah,” He answered, softly once again. “I don’t think I can really forget that day, especially now, you know.”

“And you know that one day you saw me walking towards school on our lunch break and I was crying? And then after when I went missing from school for a few days and you came to bring my homework? I said my dad would kill you if he knew you were there...”

She had reminded him of the very beginning, the one he had kind of forgotten about with everything happening around them lately. He still nodded at her words even though it was so blurred and like it never happened really, much like a feeling a dream would leave you with. It also made it seem like it had been longer than almost a year in his eyes.

“I know you saw my bruises that day we were brought together and you seemed to notice them more which each time we crossed each other’s path.” She took a deep breath. “I think you could already tell I was abused by him... It’s kind of obvious, isn’t it? Wasn’t it? There was a strong feeling in you when you thought about that possibility too, right? I know you didn’t notice how often I went missing from schools day at a time constantly, no one did but the staff. I know everyone, including you, thought I was the weird girl because of how I acted. I didn’t talk much either, especially with other people and when I did I uttered things people found creepy and that you would’ve too at the time since you weren’t warmed up to me. I did because it was safe that way for everyone. My dad had always told me if I had any friends, especially if they were boys, that he kill them in front of me and then me... That day you tried to get a ride back to school? He saw and he got upset because he thought you were my friends and you were boys on top of it... I think you know it didn’t end well. I could see it coming when the abuse happen... I had vision since I was young. I didn’t pay attention to them much until I was around eleven and it was because this one was bad. I brushed it off like I had with my previous ones thinking it was a terrible thought or something. The thing is, is that it happened... Similar ones kept popping up in my head and they’d happen too. I always knew it was coming and I’d run and hide from it but it only made things worse for me. No sight for awhile afterward and I’d always still happen in the end. It drained me, made me want to die so bad. It was hard, you know, continue living in a body that caused you pain and felt like it wasn’t even your own... It was hard having everyday be lonely at school and then knowing you’d come home to be hit... and then... and then be raped by your own father...”

She struggled to choke out the last part of what she had said before tears began to fall rapidly fron her eyes. To be honest, Donghyuck hadn’t expected that word to leave her mouth or maybe he just hoped it wouldn’t. She was trying so hard to hold back so she could speak.

“I didn’t even want to call it that when it happened...” She confessed. “Johnny was the one that said it when I told him so I accepted it after awhile, knowing he was right. I don’t like saying it but it’s true... I felt so dirty whenever it happen and I couldn’t say or do anything about it! He said he’d kill me if I did and I felt ashamed at that point because what did I do to have that happen? Something so horrible and disgusting? I had to have done something to deserve it, right?! I couldn’t do anything to prevent it either, I just had to live with it. And fuck, I can’t even have kids if I want to in the future. If he found out I was pregnant, he would’ve been mad and if had found out I had multiple abortions he would’ve been even more mad! It was all his fault though! He’s the reason I had them, he’s the reason I had so many. I couldn’t go nine months carrying a thing like that anyway! It would’ve just been a constant, personified reminder in the world of what he had done to me... The baby, when it became a baby... they would’ve been so wrong to me, they would’ve been loveless when it came into the world... I couldn’t do that to them, it wouldn’t have even their fault but they’d suffer because of it.”

The boy began to understand her and everything a lot more... He realized why she freaked out when he laid his head on her shoulder when they were on the bus that one time. He realized why she wouldn’t sleep in the same bed with him for the longest time and when she did why she stayed as far away from him as possible. Why she would flinch whenever he tapped her shoulder in the store or something similar. Why she asked that one time if the boys had done inappropriate things to her when she passed out from smoking for the first time. So many memories like that came to his head as she told him what truly happened in the walls of the sunny orange home she was trapped in. He understood it now.

It was all so clear now. He also realized why she was so mature and calm in the beginning and even now with everyone but him and her friends, maybe. Even now, she didn’t like people touching her besides Donghyuck. The only real reason he was allowed was because of the amount of time they spent together. He never overstepped his boundaries with her, respectful of them too. She trust him, he was pure at heart. He didn’t do things to hurt her. She’d protect him and in return, he always did the same even when she didn’t need it. She always knew he had a heart of gold, it’s the reason she felt her future self at time had chosen him.

She shook violently next to him as she help herself in her own arms as it looked like she stared at the coffee table in front of him. She couldn’t tell by the the tears that created bluriness in her eyes and the adrenaline in her veins. She was busy suppressing her cries while he was at a lost of words. It was too early... He didn’t know what to do or say exactly, physical affection didn’t seem like a bright idea given the topic. He wanted nothing more than to be there for her, though. It was a shock when she threw herself on him, careful to avoid his wound as she grabbed fistfuls of his shirt. He could feel her sobbing into his shoulder as she did so.

“I didn’t want it... I didn’t want it...” She was able to croak out.

He took a deep breath as he carefully wrapped his arms around her to bring her gently closer to him. She didn’t seem to mind the way she relaxed a bit and the way her cries seem to get a bit quieter. He felt special, to be the first person she told, besides Johnny but she chose him and wanted to do it. He was also the first that could touch her and the first that she had felt secure with in every way possible. He was gentle when gathering the strands of her now dark hair that fell so he could tuck them behind her ear. He was aware she was strong, always has been, just not how strong until that moment. He continued to stroke her hair as she cried out so much of the emotion she has built up over time.

“Of course you didn’t.” He whispered, softly. “You didn’t deserve it in slightest either... It was never your fault, I know you know that. You can’t blame yourself for what happened to you. It was all on him if you can call that sick fuck that really... It won’t happen anymore, I would never let it happen if it ever came to a situation like that. You’re away from him now, you won’t see him again and I intend to keep it that way no matter what.”

He looked over at her mother who had been silent the whole time. Her eyes looked like they were sad hearing everything that has spilled out. He also seemed to be sad as well as shocked with a little bit of guilt. The truth was, her mom had witness the whole thing in real time in her plane of the living and dead. She could never truly do anything but ask that the girl had a gift to be prepared for it, if you could ever be prepared for trauma.

“I want to kill him for it, so badly.”

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bccrsk · 4 years

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#protectAdora2020

Felt cute, thought I'd post this analysis I wrote a while ago, but I held off because of screenshots, but now I'm too busy to do that soooo.......have fun reading :D -----

The tragedies of Adora's character are rooted in the concepts of identity and choice and what it means to love and accept yourself. You can even say Adora's identity crisis closely parallels that of say, a young queer person from an oppressive background struggling to embrace their sexuality and who they are.

One of the first facets of Adora's identity is chipped away when she realizes the Horde is evil. She has a rude awakening that the people she knew, the people she looked up to, her family, have all been lying to her. Everything she'd known in her life up to this point was a lie. Because she loves Catra so profoundly, she assumes when she tells Catra the 'truth' that she will turn tail and run away with Adora. When Catra does not and reveals that she knew all along what the Horde was doing, it rips another piece of her identity away. In her mind, her best friend isn't who she thought, and it hurts. In Promise, she gets a glimmer of hope, but their trauma and memories tear them apart because Light Hope wanted Adora to let go of Catra. To activate the Heart, you can't have a heart. Even then, Adora's never fully let go. Note that Adora had no choice but to grow up in the Horde— it's all she's ever known yet her dedication to morals and ideals are so powerful she's able to defect without thinking of the person she loves the most. "I had no choice— I couldn't go back," she says. Ironically, this is one of the few times Adora actually did make a choice, and in her mind, later on, it blew up in her face.

Another piece of Adora's identity is broken away when she learns the truth about her origins: she is not of Etheria; Adora had a family, and she was taken from them without choice. Learning this devastates her for two reasons: 1) people have lied to her again, and 2) she feels robbed of a life that could have been because she never wanted to be a hero. We see this in how she tries intimidating Shadow Weaver— "Tell me the truth, for once." One thing that sticks out in this scene is when SW says, "or perhaps you would have preferred the comfort of lies." SW raised Adora, and she knows how dedicated Adora was to the Horde when she did not see the truth. Adora saw how Catra was treated and yet did not believe the Horde was evil again because, in the Horde, you don't get to form an opinion or identity— you are a soldier and nothing more. The only foundation to build herself on was a higher purpose/goal, which was to free Etheria from the Princesses. So yea, when Shadow Weaver tells her the truth and when Light Hope confirms that SW was, for once, not lying, she's at a loss. The few times people actually tell her the truth are plagued with drastic consequences. She's so demoralized that she chooses to venture to the Crimson Waste, a place known for being barren, deadly and somewhere no one visits willingly. When Huntara betrayed her, Adora was so devastated because it was finally her chance to get answers for herself— to not have to rely on others to reveal her destiny. Then she gets kidnapped, it all goes to shit, and everyone is sad (aka me).

Adora learning she had been robbed of a chance for a happy life devastates her. You can see this clearly when she screams at Light Hope, "Don't I get a choice?" to which Light Hope responds— "You do not get to choose. You are chosen." Recall when Mara says, "I never wanted to be a hero,"—Adora, at this point, is in the exact same boat. She never wanted to be a hero; she was living up to expectations thrust upon her. She was doing what people thought she should be doing. None of this was her choice. She never wanted to leave Catra. She never asked for this. Catra describes Adora as "earnest, naive, ridiculously easy to manipulate," and the fact that Catra herself pointed this out shows just how well anyone who really knows Adora can work her. Adora's impulsive nature is also positively reinforced throughout the series— she finds the sword, defects and is rewarded with new friends, a new home, and a life she never dreamed she could have.

Adora's abuse had such lasting impact because it preyed on her naivety and dedication to her morals and ideals; she must do this to serve the greater good, she must be useful or else what good is she? It damaged her psyche so negatively that even Razz comments, "You ran into the woods and asked the first old lady you saw what you should do." Ironically enough, when she punches Catra in the portal, she says, "You made your choice— now live with it!" When you really think about it, though, did they really get to make any choices based on what they wanted? Yes, Adora chose to defect, yes Catra pulled the lever. But is that what they wanted? Earlier on in the portal episode, she comments, "Catra, this can't be what you wanted!" The thing is, even Adora doesn't know what she wants at this point; Adora is doing what she thinks she should be doing because Light Hope bent the truth. Which brings me to...

The final piece of her identity that's chipped away is when she learns the truth about the Heart of Etheria— that she was not chosen to be a savior but to be the key to a superweapon whose sole purpose is destroying worlds in the name of 'peace.' This piece shattering comes to a head when she, for the first time, defies her predetermined destiny. She essentially breaks her sense of duty because, in Mara's words, "you can save the world we love." This is intentional; Mara could have said, "you can save Etheria!" but she instead chose to go for the heart. It's because of this love, not factions, or artificial ideals that she's able to overpower all the magic on Etheria.

While this may seem extreme given that she's lost in the past against less threatening enemies, it actually makes perfect sense. When Mara tells Adora the truth about the Heart, she says Adora "will be more powerful than they ever planned." We get the first hint of this on Beast Island when she overpowers her fears and insecurities to save her friends, who she loves. The second glimpse we get of this is when she overwhelms Light Hope and even gives Light Hope enough strength to defy her own programming— all because Light Hope loved Mara. And when she awakens the She-Ra within, it will be because she loves you-know-who (NOT VOLDEMORT).

I'm going to take a brief tangent, now—think about where Adora was raised: the Horde. Now think about how she left everything behind because she realizes the Horde is evil and found the Sword of Protection— aka a First One's artifact. Now think about how she left everything behind to become She-Ra for the 'greater good.' Think about Adora's reaction when she found out she was a First One. Now think about how the First Ones turned out to be not such good people after all. Next, go ahead and think about how Adora is going to grapple with the fact that the ideologies of the place she was born and the place she was raised in completely clash with her own. Though we know She-Ra isn't actually a nefarious being, Adora does not. In Adora's mind, if the First Ones made the Sword and the Sword is She-Ra, then that means She-Ra, Adora, was the villain all along. To top it off, in the Horde, she was always in the spotlight, a centerpiece made for greatness, just like when she was She-Ra. You'll bring peace and order to Etheria, Adora— you are Etheria's champion, Adora, but by the way, when we mean peace, we totally mean destroying everything. That's not gonna ruin anything, right?

Does this hurt yet? Cause it's about to get worse! Now combine everything you just read with Adora's hero complex— everything is my fault. She needs to feel useful to feel like she's worth existing, but what happens when two core parts of her identity are the reasons why there's so much turmoil on Etheria? What happens when, though obviously untrue, she feels like she does make everything worse? Remember when Light Hope told her that her friends get hurt whenever she's around? Remember when Glimmer first called her a heartless destroyer in the pilot? Remember how that came full circle, and Glimmer later blamed Adora for Angella's death? Yea, it's not going to be good, chief. And she sacrificed everything and everyone for the Sword— in a way, the Sword represents Adora, and she willingly destroys it to save everyone else. Adora breaks herself to save the world. Mara, Adora—it all ends the same. Hurts, doesn't it?

So now that the sword is broken, her relationship with Catra seems irreparable, and Glimmer's been taken by an ominous alien warlord, what should she do? You can tell her spirit is at its lowest point by the composition of the scene: she's alone and small in a dark void, with nothing but broken pieces at her feet. She stares at these broken pieces with heartbreak; this is all a metaphor for her current state of mind and how she is processing everything. She is also realizing, or will realize, that all of this heartache that she's suffered in the name of the 'greater good' was for a lie; she sacrificed everything, gave up her heart, for a lie.

When she sees Bow afterward, she seemingly hardens her resolve. At this point, however, this resolve is a facade— Adora is terrified, she no longer has a purpose, She-Ra is gone. How is she going to be useful without the sword? She's going to save the universe, but how? In S1E9, when she had to rescue Bow and Glimmer from the Horde, Angella asks her, "How are you going to do that?" In the season four finale, Bow expresses the same doubt— 'what are we gonna do?' When Angella asked her, the first thing Adora did was put on a brave face. Then, however, we see the beginnings of a breakdown; she buries her face in her hands and begins sobbing silently. Of course, the other princesses unite, and they save the day.

Adora's identity is completely shattered at this point except for one thing: her attachments. Her love. And while Adora herself thinks some of these attachments are broken, the truth is that they aren't. Glimmer obviously still cares. Catra has always cared— it's why she went to such extremes. Her attachments, her heart will become her new compass— not her ideals. When she tries leaving everyone for the greater good, Swift Wind reminds Adora that her friends need her, that they've always needed her. Then she has a moment— she says, "I didn't choose to become She-Ra to fulfill some destiny. My attachments, my friends, are a part of who I am." This will come full circle, especially because of her fight with Glimmer, a fresh wound. Adora's self-worth is tied to what she can do for others, their expectations and Glimmer blaming Adora for her mother's death takes a significant toll on her self-esteem. At this point, Adora (and her hero complex) is probably thinking that this is all her fault and she needs to fix it, which is what she tries doing in Hero, only to learn that Etheria is a weapon, etc.

There's good news, though; the only way now is up. Adora will only pick herself back up, will only awaken her She-Ra powers within when she chooses to believe in herself and when she chooses what she fights for. Razz will have a big part in this since she always seems to come to Adora at some of her lowest points. S1E3 will come full circle because Razz tells Adora that she must decide for herself what is right. And an essential piece of Adora coming to believe in herself and deciding what she fights for will be Catra. In essence, she's the only person that truly knew Adora before she became She-Ra, and Adora, no matter how messed up their relationship grew, loves Catra with all her heart. The tragedy behind their relationship is that their love is so strong— but the actual thread holding it together was (hehe)...shadow weaved. They were torn apart by lies and misunderstandings and the tragic Scapegoat vs. Golden Child dynamic.

To conclude, Adora's character arc is so tragic because it deals with the fallout and consequences of a life-altering identity crisis. For many people in the LGBT+ community, that is a very relatable thing. I'd also like to add that Catra's journey parallels Adora's in how facets of her identity heavily influenced by the Horde are chipped away piece by piece until, again, Catra makes a choice of her own to save Glimmer. In the past, Adora and Catra were always brought back to each other, not by free will, but external influences. They were torn apart by deception, manipulation, misunderstandings. Now that their hearts are broken in such a way that each half finally fits with the other, now that the infected pieces of the past are gone, they'll learn the truth. Adora and Catra will find their way home when they both choose each other because of love and trust, and when they acknowledge that love. This new bond, this promise, won't be out of survival; this promise will be out of true love, out of two halves of a heart finding their way home and becoming whole again.

It's beautiful and compelling storytelling not just for individual characters on parallel journeys to self-actualization and finally believing in themselves and their own choices, but for showing two young women on the cusp of adulthood—both who were abused in different ways that molded their worldview, who have different skill sets, who complement each other like light and darkness—learning to love themselves and recognize their love for one another. Like fire and ice, night and day, good and evil, neither can exist without the other. They are a core part of each other's identity. And the fact that the finale episode is most likely called "Heart"? Can it get any more obvious?

Also, fuck Shadow Weaver.

#spop #leave my dumb jock alone #adora protection squad #catradora #protect these dumb gays #protect adora 2020 #shera #adora #meta #DEPRESSION #ANXIETY #SADNESS #catra #yeetshadowweaver2020 #character analysis

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not-majestic-bluenicorn · 3 years

Text

Crescent || Chapter 7

Fandom(s): ATEEZ

AU: Treasure Hunters

Genre: Action, Fantasy, Sci-Fi

Relationship: Everyone x Everyone, Established Hongjoong x Yunho

Language: English

Status: Ongoing

Chapter WC: 4,345 words

Warnings: Character Death, Stabbing, Fighting, Blood, Aliens, War, Funerals, Kidnapping, Attempted Kidnapping, Mentions of Child Abuse / Child Work, Explosions, Murder Attempt, Robbery, Homeless/Runaway Character, more will be added.

Chapter Warnings: Homeless/Runaway Character

Summary:

"I'm going to ask you one question, and depending on your answer, I'll decide what to do with you, alright?" Hongjoong asked him, lowering his voice so it felt a little more private.

"Alright," Yeosang nodded. His thoughts were going a mile a minute, but he focused on the question.

"Why are you doing this?" Everyone had already asked him that question countless times since he had been captured, even Wooyoung, but this time, Yeosang decided to be honest.

"I want to get out of this planet."

AO3

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Tagged: @angel0taiyo

Hongjoong's dream was similar to the Yeosang's dreams that Wooyoung had visited. He was once again in a ship, sailing through space. Everyone on board was wearing the uniform of the Kim Empire's military, so Wooyoung knew he was in a royal vessel and this was probably one of Hongjoong's memories rather than a full dream.

He walked around the deck, carefully looking at all the faces to see if he could identify the Captain of The Crescent, but when Wooyoung found him, Hongjoong didn't look like what he had expected. He looked younger, probably no older than fifteen, and was sitting with an older man that Wooyoung barely remembered from a previous dream. If he was right, that was Taejoong, Hongjoong's eldest brother that had passed away in battle.

It made him a little uncomfortable that Hongjoong looked so young, but he had no time to lose. He approached Hongjoong and touched his shoulder. Hongjoong immediately reacted by drawing his sword and pointing it at him, and Wooyoung yelped. The rest of the dream vanished around them, and Hongjoong looked older again, like how he had looked when Wooyoung had first encountered him in dreams.

"Who are you?" Hongjoong asked. His stance was tense and his eyes promised to slice him in half if Wooyoung wasn't careful. Fortunately for him, they were in a dream, and as far as he knew, he couldn’t actually hurt him.

"Jung Wooyoung," He answered, looking at the point of the sword and then at Hongjoong. "And you are Kim Hongjoong right?"

"How do you know my name?" Hongjoong pressed forward, making Wooyoung step back. Despite knowing it was a dream, the sword looked very much real and he was still afraid of getting hurt.

"I know a lot of things about you that you probably don't want others to know, like how you're the third in the succession line of the Kim Empire-" Wooyoung didn't get to keep talking as the sword pressed against his neck, making him stumble on his words. It felt terrifyingly real, was he wrong about his assumptions?

"How do you know that?" Hongjoong enunciated each world carefully, and Wooyoung worried that maybe dreams didn't work as he thought they did, because he felt pretty much like he could die at any moment.

"Because we're in a dream!" Wooyoung exclaimed, raising both hands in defeat and praying Hongjoong wouldn't actually try to slice his head.

"What?" Hongjoong looked taken aback for a moment, and Wooyoung used the opportunity to grab the sword by the blade, carefully. It turned into smoke in their hands, vanishing into the nothing.

"See? We are in a dream, none of this is real, and I can't hurt you." Wooyoung clarified, realizing how this could actually put Hongjoong more on edge.

"How?" Hongjoong looked at him with a mix of distrust and curiosity.

"Let's just say I am... sort of a message from the Universe?" Wooyoung shrugged, doubting the omen joke would work on him.

"So you are not a product of my dreams?" Hongjoong seemed to relax a little, which was ironic, because Wooyoung thought he should be afraid about someone being able to invade his dreams.

"No, I am a real person, and I am here because I need to ask you for a favor." Wooyoung went straight to the point.

"A favor?" Hongjoong's eyes widened slightly. "How could you need a favor from me? I don't know you."

"But you know Kang Yeosang," Wooyoung pursed his lips, hoping that the mention would at least keep Hongjoong's attention on him.

"How...?" Hongjoong's eyes widened even more, and he was starting to look comical.

"I feel like you're going to ask me that question a lot..." Wooyoung pouted, crossed his arms. He didn't want to tell Hongjoong what he was as much as he didn't want to tell anyone else. His people had been hunted for since they began existing, wanted for their ability to become predictors of the future. "I was in his dreams just now, and he told me you're going to hand him over to the guards."

"This is a lot to process..." Hongjoong mumbled, closing his eyes and rubbing his temples.

Wooyoung felt a little bad, because he had given Yeosang a better chance to process things, but he was just dropping everything on Hongjoong and expecting him to understand. He was in a hurry, of course, but he still felt like Hongjoong deserved a better explanation than this. The best he could do now, though, was make him more comfortable. Wooyoung focused his mind and energy into manifesting a room around them, small and cozy, in hopes that it would help.

Hongjoong stared at him, both confused and marveled. It seemed like he had so many questions for Wooyoung, but he didn't quite know where to start and they didn't have the time for it either. Wooyoung guided him to sit down and then sat down in front of him. He took a deep breath and proceeded to try talking it out with Hongjoong again.

"That was really not a great start for us," Wooyoung sighed. "I promise I'll let you ask any questions you have, but I really need your help." Hongjoong seemed to consider it for a moment, but nodded afterwards.

"What do you need my help with?" Hongjoong asked finally.

"Please keep him from going to jail, it will mess up a lot of things if he does." Wooyoung explained. He knew it was a lot to ask for, but who else but the Captain would have the ability to stop something like that?

"He was trying to steal from my ship, though." Hongjoong pointed out, and Wooyoung exhaled loudly.

"I know! That was such a stupid move from him!" Wooyoung grumbled, remembering Yeosang's face when he had confessed to the crimes. "I don't agree with him stealing, but I really need you to help him."

"Are you two dating?" Hongjoong asked, a small smile making its way to his lips.

"What? No! No..." Wooyoung's face turned as he tried to deny it. They weren't dating... yet, because according to the Interpreter, they would, but that was something Wooyoung didn't want to think about yet. It scared him.

"Sure..." Hongjoong's smile widened, but decided not to press further.

"So... Will you do that for me?" Wooyoung asked again, looking at Hongjoong with hopeful eyes. It was kind of cute, and Hongjoong had to look away.

"You said if I don't it will mess up a lot of things..." Hongjoong said, still trying to get a little bit more information from him.

"It will... I- I can't explain you right now, it's not the right time, but I wasn't lying when I said I was sort of a message from the Universe, please believe me." Wooyoung grabbed his hands, squeezing them softly, looking at him with the best pleading eyes he could muster. Hongjoong blushed slightly and looked away.

"I will try my best, but Yunho is not going to like it..." Hongjoong muttered, remembering how Yunho had opposed him delaying Yeosang's arrest. He was glad he had done it now, though, because getting someone out of jail was far more difficult than not having them arrested.

"Yunho is your boyfriend, right?" Wooyoung asked, smiling brightly one his request had been accepted.

"Yes... How-" Hongjoong began the question but stopped once he noticed Wooyoung pouting at him. "Right, message from the Universe and dream traveler, you probably know far more than I want to be aware of..."

"I probably do..." Wooyoung nodded, knowing that feeling all too well. "Thank you so much, really, I promise I'll explain everything next time we see each other, if I'm not in a hurry again..."

"There will be a next time?" Hongjoong asked, opening his eyes wide. Wooyoung chuckled softly.

"Oh, you'd be surprised... There will be many next times," Wooyoung stood up. "Good night." And just like that, he was gone.

When Wooyoung woke up in his hotel room, he immediately ran to the bathroom to throw up. He hadn't realized how tiring it could be to visit dreams and control them as well, that was probably the reason Interpreters required so much training. He sighed deeply as soon as he was done and went to brush his teeth, mind wandering back to the two people he had visited before.

He honestly couldn't believe there was going to be a relationship happening, especially with how some of them had met. Yeosang trying to steal from the ship had probably put Yunho against him, because while Hongjoong was quick to forgive and help others, Yunho was much more reserved. Or, at the very least, that was what Wooyoung had been able to deduce from his dreams.

What worried him the most, however, was not them getting along, not exactly. It was that he still wasn't sure what his full purpose was. The Interpreter had told him that they would face very difficult challenges in order to get the treasure, but so far nothing had been too bad. Was something worse waiting for them? Wooyoung was worried, but until he could get to them, he would have to be patient and hope they would be okay.

Hongjoong woke up with a bit of a headache. He could remember his dream almost perfectly but couldn't quite believe what had happened, and still, he didn't doubt Wooyoung had been real. He couldn't quite understand why Wooyoung had been so insistent about him rescuing Yeosang from being tried, but it had seemed so important for the other that he hadn't been able to refuse.

When he looked to the other side of the bed, he realized Yunho was no longer there, and he felt a little surprised that the other hadn't woken him up. A bad feeling filled his stomach and he quickly stood up. He dressed up and left his quarters in a rush, and just like he had feared, he saw San and Jongho holding Yeosang between them, while Yunho had a discussion with Hwanwoong.

"I'm telling you the Captain said 'not yet'." Yunho repeated himself.

"Why would he even say that? He's a criminal!" Hwanwoong replied.

The crew was tense, and Hongjoong noticed Jongho wince at the word 'criminal'. What had even happened while he had been asleep? Hongjoong stepped forward and claimed the attention of the rest with a loud whistle.

"What is happening here?!" He yelled. He noticed the way those around him stood up straight, and huffed.

"I was on my way to deliver the burglar to the authorities, Captain." Hwanwoong explained, eyes fixed to the front. He was acting too much like a soldier for Hongjoong's taste, but he could discuss that with him later. "First Mate Yunho stopped me and said you'd decided not to hand him over yet."

"And then why are you handing him over?" Hongjoong asked, slightly exasperated. "I did tell Yunho we weren't handing him over just yet." Yeosang looked up at him at that moment, surprised.

"But-" Hwanwoong tried to rebut, but a simple glare from Hongjoong was enough to stop him. "Understood, Captain." Hongjoong felt a little bad, they were cousins, and he knew Hwanwoong had the best intentions, but he could sometimes go overboard.

"That does not mean I'm forgiving you that easily, though." Hongjoong continued, this time looking at Yeosang.

He approached him. San and Jongho were still holding onto his arms, the first looking calm as he waited for orders but the second one looking tense as he looked back and forth between Hongjoong and Yeosang. Pretty much all of the crew was staring at them, unable to fully understand the strange exchange that was going on in front of them.

"I'm going to ask you one question, and depending on your answer, I'll decide what to do with you, alright?" Hongjoong asked him, lowering his voice so it felt a little more private.

"Alright," Yeosang nodded. He couldn't believe Wooyoung had really visited Hongjoong's dreams and convinced him to help him. His thoughts were going a mile a minute, but he focused on the question.

"Why are you doing this?" Hongjoong asked. Everyone had already asked him that question countless times since he had been captured, even Wooyoung, but this time, Yeosang decided to be honest.

"I want to get out of this planet," Yeosang said. His voice was firm, despite the fact that inside he was feeling worried and anxious. "I'm saving to buy myself a ticket out of this place."

"And why do you want to get out of here so badly that you're willing to commit a crime?" Hongjoong pressed further, wanting to break down the story to its smallest parts. He wanted to trust Wooyoung, but to do so he had to trust Yeosang, and he couldn't do it unless he understood his intentions fully.

"You say it like I killed someone," Yeosang mumbled. It hurt a little, even if they were strangers, that they looked down on him like that. "You must not be from here, but this place only gets worse day by day; it's almost impossible to get a job or even study."

"So you want to get out of here to get a job?" Honjoong raised an eyebrow. The emotion in Yeosang's voice told him that was not it.

"I want to get out of this place to get a better life for myself, and to be able to afford the help my mother needs!" Yeosang yelled, exasperated. San held him tighter when he felt him move towards Hongjoong, and Yeosang complained. He had wanted to keep it to himself, ashamed of what his life had turned out to be, but Hongjoong wasn't letting him. His eyes glistened with unshed tears, but he wasn't about to cry in front of his captors. "Maybe find my father, I don't know. This place is fucked up, what do you want me to tell you? How can I make you believe me?"

"I believe you." Hongjoong replied instantly, making everyone turn around to look at him in surprise. "I'm sorry." He added right after.

With a nod of his head, Jongho and San let go of Yeosang's arms, and Jongho untied him. Yeosang stretched his arms as he looked at Hongjoong in disbelief. Did he really believe him? Was this some sort of trap? Apparently he wasn't the only one feeling confused like that, because everyone was staring at their captain with a mix of disbelief and surprise.

"Why are you apologizing?" Yeosang asked. That had been what had taken him aback the most.

"For pressing you to say those things in front of everyone," Hongjoong shrugged. He looked apologetic and uncomfortable. "We all have things we want to keep from others."

Yeosang almost wanted to laugh, what kind of person was this? Hongjoong had looked so intimidating the day before when the others had told him about the intruder, but now he looked kind and his presence was small and simple. He couldn't help but feel even more curious about the identity of the captain of the ship, who looked nothing like what Yeosang expected him to look like, having the money to own such a vessel.

"What now? D-Do I just get to leave?" Yeosang asked, earnest. He was still rubbing the burns on his wrists, product of the ropes San had tied before.

"What do you say if I get you out of this planet?" Hongjoong asked instead.

"What?" Yunho exclaimed immediately, approaching him. "Captain, this is not what we discussed before."

"I know, but I also never said I would limit myself to what I said before." Hongjoong gave Yunho a look and that was enough to shut him up and make him step back again. That was exactly what Yeosang had witnessed on their first meeting, so how could he go from that to looking at him with absolute kindness. "Do you know anything about space ships and navigation?"

"I know everything there is to know," Yeosang answered enthusiastically. "My father was an amazing sailor, the best in Tebos; he taught me everything I know."

"Alright then, what does everyone else think about taking him in?" Hongjoong asked.

"I don't think it's a good idea." Yunho muttered next to him, but Hongjoong only chuckled.

"That's what you say about most of my ideas," Hongjoong rolled his eyes. "Anyone else?"

"I think it's a good idea..." Mingi mumbled, raising his hand slightly. Hongjoong nodded, an indication that he could talk. "I spent the night watching him and we spoke a little, he is very nice." Mingi blushed as the attention fell on him, but Hongjoong smiled at him encouragingly. "He does know a lot about ships, he explained everything about this vessel to me, and I am part of the crew."

"I also think we should take him in." Jongho agreed, supporting Mingi's words. Other people voiced their agreement, and some just shrugged, like they didn't know what they wanted.

"I'm with Yunho on this one, but I also know there is no stopping you once you make a decision." Siyeon interrupted, sighing loudly. Hongjoong smiled at her sheepishly.

"What do you think San?" Hongjoong looked at San, surprising him slightly. He hadn't commented anything during the previous discussion, so he was surprised that Hongjoong had asked for his opinion specifically.

San looked at Yeosang for a second. He knew all too well what it was like to live on a planet that had barely anything to go on, he was a victim of this as well. He had also wanted to leave his own planet, and the only way for him had been to become what he was today, an assassin. San didn't particularly enjoy killing others, but he knew there were worse ways to make a living.

Did he want Yeosang to go back to that? He didn't know him well, but it would be a lie to say he didn't feel at least a little sympathy. Of course, having more people on the ship would only make his own task even more difficult, but Yeosang wasn't at fault for his task. Besides, with how thin he was, he wasn't even a threat. It would probably make no difference.

"I think..." San hummed. "I think it's okay if he stays." He nodded, and Hongjoong smiled.

"Well then, in that case, whoever thinks we should have a new crew member, raise their hand." Hongjoong instructed as he raised his own hand.

A few crew members were quick to follow him, those who had been moved by listening to Yeosang's story. A few more joined after a moment of consideration, deciding that if their Captain trusted Yeosang, they would too. In the end, more than half of the crew had put up their hands, and Hongjoong told them to put them down.

"I think that settles it, then." Hongjoong put a hand on Yeosang's shoulder. "Welcome to The Crescent."

"Th-Thank you," Yeosang stuttered, still unable to believe that it was actually happening, that he was getting off of Tebos.

"You should go home and get all of your official documents if you'll be traveling with us, take Mingi with you." Hongjoong ordered. Mingi nodded and walked over to Yeosang, hugging him for half a second out of excitement. He had really come to like Yeosang during the time they spent on the hold talking, and he was glad they would get to work together now. "Siyeon, what is the state of the fuel situation?"

"They'll be coming to fill our tank in about half an hour, and then we can leave." Siyeon informed him.

"Excellent then, I'll leave that to you," Hongjoong smiled satisfied. "Let's get ready to set sail again!" He ordered, and the crew dispersed to go back to their respective works while Mingi and Yeosang went to pick up his things.

Yunho approached Hongjoong and pulled him along to his quarters. Hongjoong had already expected something like this, and let Yunho pull him along without resistance. He knew Yunho was probably a little mad that he hadn't followed his advice, but he knew something that Yunho didn't, and that was that, according to Wooyoung, Yeosang was supposed to be with them anyway.

Something about Wooyoung had intrigued him, and Hongjoong wanted to trust him desperately, so he was willing to give Yeosang and opportunity. Plus, Yeosang had won himself a place in the ship with his words. Hongjoong wished he could have helped his mother back before she passed, so if he could help Yeosang with his mother, it almost felt like redemption.

"Why do you not listen to me?" Yunho asked him once they were in the privacy of their quarters, crossing his arms.

"I listen to you, I just don't follow everything you say." Hongjoong pointed out, but judging by Yunho's expression, that was the wrong thing to say. "Okay, then I have a question for you, why don't you trust me to make good decisions?"

"I do trust you..." Yunho's expression fell, as did his arms. "I do trust you, you're smart and an amazing strategist, I know you have your reasons for every choice you make." Yunho ran his words, he was obviously frustrated. Hongjoong approached him and placed both hands on his cheeks, making him look at him.

"But?" He asked softly. Yunho sighed and relaxed on his hold.

"But I'm worried about you," Yunho started, holding Hongjoong's hands in his. "What if he is not what he says he is? What if your identity leaked out somehow and someone is trying to kill you? You know full well your family has dangerous opponents out there.”

"Yeah, that's a good reason to be worried, I agree." Hongjoong nodded. "But I have you." Hongjoong smiled. "I know I am safe when I am with you, because we keep each other's backs. We would never let anything happen to the other."

"Don't say that," Yunho pouted. "I feel even more responsible now, what if I can't protect you?" Hongjoong kissed his pout way, chuckling.

"I'm sorry, but don't think like that." Hongjoong caressed his cheeks softly. "We are also capable of protecting ourselves baby, remember? I am not your priority Yunho, I'm your equal, worry about yourself first."

"Fine..." Yunho nodded. "But I'll complain a lot about it." Hongjoong chuckled.

"You already do."

Yeosang guided Mingi through the town's alleyways towards his house. He had to be mindful of Mingi's legs while also keeping in mind that he should avoid being spotted by guards and angry townspeople. Captain Hongjoong may have decided to not press charges, but that didn't mean there weren't many others out to get him.

"Your town is pretty..." Mingi commented at some point while they were crossing a small bridge.

"You think so?" Yeosang stopped to look around. All he saw were dark buildings and decks, the canals taking up almost every street, and a blue sky that was barely visible through the roofs of the tall buildings.

"Yeah," Mingi nodded, stopping next to him and observing as well. "There is always so much dust where I come from. It's red and dry. I prefer it here." He shrugged, following Yeosang when he started up again.

"What did you do before coming here?" Yeosang asked him, curious about Mingi's past since he had already shared his own with everyone else.

"I was a miner in Merth X-24, that's why they hired me, since I have experience with explosives and all that." Mingi smiled, looking proud of himself.

"That's pretty cool!" Yeosang asked. He took a glance at Mingi's missing leg but decided not to ask. If Mingi wasn't going to share on his own, then he wouldn't press him about it.

"I also wanted to get out of my planet, see the rest of the Universe for a while..." Mingi added. "So I understand why you want to get out of here."

"Thank you, actually." Yeosang said. "For standing up for me back there, even though you barely know me."

"You seem like a nice person, so I don't see why you shouldn't join." Mingi smiled.

The rest of the little trip went on in silence. In just a few minutes, they were outside his home. Yeosang peaked in to see if his mother was home, but when he saw the place was clear, he invited Mingi inside and quickly went to his room to pack himself some clothes and pick all of his important documents.

He felt like he should say goodbye to his mother, at the very least. But she was scared about confronting her and he also didn't know when she would be back, he couldn't be late to his first 'day of work'. Instead, he quickly scribbled a lengthy note to his mother and left it where she would see it. Then he grabbed his things and met with Mingi in his living room.

"Ready to go?" Mingi asked him with a soft smile.

"I've never been more ready to leave this place, let's go."

They walked for a while, at a slow pace so Mingi wouldn’t struggle to catch up. They were mostly silent, although Yeosang would tell him curiosities about his town here and there. He was grateful to Mingi for helping him back in the ship. Deep down, Yeosang hoped they could become friends.

"There he is!"

Someone yelled behind them. They stopped in their tracks and turned around, finding a good sized mob armed with a mix of guns and other makeshift weapons. Yeosang didn't even need to look at them closely to know those were all the people he had been stealing from, along with a couple of guards he had pissed off, and even other people living in the streets that he had crossed paths with at some point. He hadn’t thought he had that many enemies.

“Oh fuck…” Yeosang muttered.

Without giving it much thought, he grabbed Mingi's hand and began running.

#kwritersworldnet #kdiarynet #8makes1teamnet #kpopscape #ateez #ateez fanfic #ateez fic #ateez fanfiction #atz #kpop #kpop fic #kpop fanfic #kpop fanfiction #crescent #bluenicorn writes

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c-ptsdrecovery · 4 years

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Reading up again on covert narcissism has been really helping me explain some things about my trauma and about my mom’s behavior. Like, I knew she was a covert narcissist, but I’d forgotten how tortuous the workings of a CN’s brain are. Some things I’ve realized, involving some quoting from the above source:

--They want you to feel a confusion between praise and shame, and to feel that you are less than them. It’s a combination of “How dare you achieve?!” and “But you’re still not as good as me.”

--Their praise contains negging. That’s why even when she complimented me, I never felt like I was good enough. Just like the time she read my dissertation and went, “It’s okay... bit dry.” She could always argue that I had myself said it was the more boring version of the dissertation, could argue that other things she had read of mine were better... But at the end of the day, I heard her intended message loud and clear: it’s not good enough.

--Her praise at required times (like telling me I did a good job after a school concert or something) always felt less sincere than my dad’s and I could never figure out why. Well, it’s because deep down she 1) resented that I did well, 2) resented that I had the attention in that situation, and 3) wanted to tear down my self esteem so I would see her as better than me, and so that she could more easily manipulate me in the future

--You can never do things well enough for them. They always have to do things better than you. That’s why I was never good enough at chores, especially cooking and dishwashing. That’s always why she came up with ridiculous reasons to be angry at me every time I brought her my credit card receipts. When she could no longer argue that I was spending too much or that I didn’t give her all the receipts, she began to complain that the receipts were slightly crumpled along one edge! HEAVEN FORBID!

--They refuse to acknowledge your accomplishments. They want you to KNOW they’re not impressed. ...This really explains why she intentionally (and uncharacteristically) tied up the phone line around the time I would finish defending my dissertation so that it was 45 minutes before I could get through to tell her I passed. Because she was jealous that I was getting a PhD and she wanted me to know how little my achievement meant to her. Her jealousy of my achievement was also why her worst abuse began the week I defended (and continued for three years afterward!)

--Mom used to argue that she thought well of my achievements by telling me how she was always bragging about me to her friends. Likewise, she would tell me constantly about how her friends said nice things about me to her. But these things were not about me: they were about HER. She was using MY qualities and achievements to build up HERSELF, not me. If these things had really been self-esteem building for ME she wouldn’t have said anythign about them, because she had a vested interest in me not thinking well of myself.

--I had an absolute COMPLEX about NEVER acknowledging my own achievements or qualities--to the point where I can’t take compliments or ring my own bell AT ALL because it feels SO WRONG--because the cardinal sin of our family is to think well of ourselves. We’re only supposed to think really well of HER.

--They want you to feel unimportant and small

--They want you to know they don’t care about your time or your feelings

--No one’s time, wants, or needs matter except their own

--I still get super anxious when my mom is upset about anything, because her feelings were always my problem. She expected me and everyone else to be entirely focused on her feelings when she was upset, so even if they weren’t my fault, I was made to feel that they were my fault.

--She apologized to me once for being so cold and unloving and cried at me. I said cried AT me because the only reason she was apologizing (because she’s PERFECT; why would she apologize for anyting??) was to make me feel guilty for suspecting her of being cold and unloving, and also to get attention and narcissistic supply from me as I comforted her (which I am proud to say, I did not do). She turned it from an issue of “daughter’s feelings were hurt; let’s focus on her” to “Mom is upset; let’s focus on HER”

--They demand you abide by their wishes. Even when they don’t express them to you. I was always expected to read her mind. The fact that I couldn’t was more evidence of how I wasn’t good enough.

--She forgot me at the bus stop once, and forgot REPEATEDLY to pick me up at school after practice. She had to walk a fine line between “i’m the perfect mother” and “i want you to know that you don’t matter to me/ how dare you require that i put myself out to pick you up?”

--they ostentatiously volunteer to show what a good person they are (teaching Sunday school, joining the library board, working for Christ Among Neighbors)

--she’s extra-sickening on Facebook. “Birthday blessings be upon you, (name)!” because she wants people to know how great she is

--they want to gaslight, manipulate, and confuse you in order to destabilize and manipulate you

--”You’re so sensitive”. Even though they’re obviously the most fragile ego in the room! they can take ANYTHING as an insult! you have to GROVEL to make them believe you’re saying something nice! (this is just a way to get you to say a lot of nice things about them)

--that time i told her i was feeling suicidal and she SIGHED and ROLLED HER EYES and said, “do you need to talk to somebody?” like I was ruining her evening. She wanted me to know how little she cared about my feelings while also saying just enough to have plausible deniability later if I told her her response hurt me (”but i tried to get you help! what do you MEAN my tone of voice was mean?? you always take things the wrong way. I think you hear insults where there aren’t any.”)

--They want you to feel that your emotions, which are inconvenient to THEM, are a negative part of your psyche and a reason that other people won’t like you. They want you to feel that they are in control of their emotions,and their emotions are always right, while yours are not.

--they make you feel small and stupid for needing emotional support. THEY’RE so independent! (except when you have to stroke their egos...)

--they ignore their “loved ones” (no wonder I felt so alone as a child. even now i’m DYING for attention. when other people get attention/praise for things i know i can do as well or better than them i’m TORN because i want other people to treat ME like that, but i can’t draw their attention to myself because that’s so WRONG. and also if i DO get their attention, then i can’t take the compliments anyway.)

--they don’t need to praise others because they’re so obviously superior!

--i was always uncomfortable when my mom sang. i always felt like she thought she was SO GOOD a singer, when she was only mediocre. it always felt icky to me listening to her sing or play the flute.

--they get angry when you’re sick. GOD, that explains SO MUCH. The time i kept nearly passing out and ended up just lying on the kitchen floor because every time i sat up i felt woozy again and i asked her to make me a sandwich because my low blood sugar was part of the problem and she was clearly ANGRY and COLD and didn’t say a WORD to me as she made me the sandwich. like, your daughter is unable to get off the floor, and beyond one, “are you okay” there’s absolutely NO care there. it’s no wonder i write so much hurt/comfort wherein someone is sick and the other person Notices and Cares for them... it’s wish fulfillment!

--they’re condescending.

--they forget about your requests on purpose. she’s always buying me just slightly the wrong thing for christmas and birthdays.

--i showed her some very artistic self-affirmations i wrote once and she started disagreeing with all the nice things i said about myself. because how dare i have self-esteem when SHE was there?

--they make people fight each other. kinda explains my brother and me and our undying enmity...

--they project their own issues onto you. that’s why she tells me i’m always so angry and that i hurt people a lot with my tone of voice. and that i’m oversensitive.

--they give you the silent treatment and make you beg and plead.

--they never try to make you happy (or if they do, it’s only for show. like buyign you SLIGHTLY the wrong thing, over and over again. plausible deniability. “i TRIED! i was being GENEROUS! how DARE you nitpick my presents!”)

--they intentionally ruin special days for you, especially birthdays. because they resent you being the center of attention. i remember the first time she let me have a birthday party with friends instead of older relatives (she always invited my aunts and uncles to my birthday parties instead of people my age because SHE wanted to be the center of attention at the parties, not me. the parties were for HER, not for me.) at this child’s birthday party, she organized all the games and ran them all and was very much the center of attention. the only thing i really remember from that party was the game she created and led entirely.

--they don’t really know anything about you. GOD, how very true. neither of my parents have a fucking clue about my personality, my tastes, my interests, or my sense of humor. they know about them on an EXTREMELY surface level. “oh, she likes cats. she did ballet for years. she likes trees.”

--the reason mom got mad at me when i cried as a child was not, as she told me many years later, because she was upset that she was unable to comfort me adequately. The problem was that SHE wasn’t in the spotlight. she was required to pretend to care about MY feelings. She couldn’t comfott me adequately because i sensed that she was mad about me crying, rather than loving me and having compassion. she sent me to my room when i cried so i wouldn’t be the center of attention--and also to punish me for being so.

--i’m scared of spending money because mom 1) made me feel guilty for spending money on myself, because everything should be about HER [seriously, i got seriously scolded once for buying things for myself on a shopping trip instead of ONLY buying xmas presents for the family]. 2) made me scared about our financial situation because she wanted to have money for herself first and foremost for what SHE wanted. Thus her and Dad scaring the ever-living SHIT out of me last summer about finances and then turning around and buying themselves iphones.

--i’ve always felt so alone because subconsciously i always knew mom didn’t love me, even though consciously i made myself believe it. and of course i could never know if dad did, because even now, it’s a pretty fuzzy issue (which basically means he doesn’t. le sigh)

you know what? i’m going to get out that art project of self-affirmations and add some shit to it about being able to see through other people’s bullshit. because GODDAMN, i deserve a fucking MEDAL. i’m not going to let her negging make me continue to feel bad about those affirmations. because she’s just full of shit.

#narcissism #narcissistic abuse #emotional abuse #covert narcissist

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alexannah · 4 years

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MLB: Character Theory

***season three spoilers***

I’m no psychologist, but I’ve had some thoughts about Chloé Bourgeois that have made me look at her in an entirely new light …

First of all, let me say that this is entirely speculation. I’m not saying this is definitely canonical. But it’s a thought that occurred to me when I started exploring a plot idea last night, and it’s certainly an interesting way to consider Chloé’s character. (But the more I think about it, the more I believe it.) (Also after writing all of this, it occurred to me to do a Tumblr search to see if someone had got there before me. Although some of this has definitely been touched on, I haven’t found anything which puts it all together.)

Chloé became added to my list of favourite characters very recently (a couple of weeks ago), despite what happened in Miracle Queen. Actually if it hadn’t been for that episode, she might not have done; which sounds weird, but although I warmed up to her a lot in season 2 and loved the development of her character we saw in that, I wouldn’t have called her one of my favourites until the urge to write her a redemption arc struck. (And I am. Several. But, not the point of this post …)

Anyway, so this theory is about why she is the way she is. And I know we already have plenty of canonical evidence for that, but I’m going to dig a bit deeper …

To recap the obvious:

André Bourgeois. He’s spoiled Chloé rotten by giving her anything she wants, and has no backbone whatsoever, so the few times he’s not sure about giving into her demands, he usually does anyway. The only time I can think of when he does say ‘no’ is when she demands he close down the school, and then right afterwards when she and Audrey decide to move to New York. Giving your child whatever they want is terrible parenting enough on its own, but since he’s the mayor, she ends up getting whatever she wants from other people as well just by threatening to call “my daddy”. Case in point: Despair Bear, when everyone’s punished except her, the actual culprit. He abuses his own power for her, as evidenced in Rogercop; and yet I headcanon that the reason he said no in Malediktator was because he knew that closing a school down just because his daughter told him to would cause an uproar, and he was too afraid of losing his position. Also why he didn’t want to go to New York, because he loves his power too much.

Now Audrey Bourgeois. She comes on the scene not long after the first sign of Chloé character development we get, which I bet is no accident. She’s also a power abuser, firing people without a second thought for minor or even non-existent crimes, including people she has no actual power to fire. She has a huge ego, demands the best, and basically is a total bitch. If it wasn’t obvious enough from all of that that Chloé mimics her, the fact that they have the same catchphrase basically seals it.

(Now I’ve added that picture, and look: she is literally mimicking her mother.)

So on one hand we have a parent who panders to Chloé’s every whim, and on the other we have one who sets a terrible example of how to treat other people.

But I’m beginning to think there is more to Chloé’s bad behaviour than that.

We know that, at some point before the show began, Audrey took off for New York. We don’t know when exactly that was, but I’m going to go out on a limb and guess it was several years ago. Chloé herself says that she “felt so sad”, which is completely understandable, even if they didn’t have the most loving relationship. (Which they obviously didn’t.) We can only guess whether or not they had any contact while Audrey was away, but if they did, I doubt it was very much. Even when Audrey comes back, at least at first, she’s dismissive of Chloé, ‘firing’ her for something as trivial as her choice of gift wrap, getting her name wrong repeatedly (which I’ll come back to in a moment), and she clearly struggles to say the words “I love you”.

I don’t think anyone would disagree that’s pretty neglectful behaviour. And Chloé’s response is pretty heartbreaking. Despite her mother having left her and ignored her for goodness knows how long, she still gets her a gift (this being a girl who doesn’t even get gifts for Adrien herself—it’s possible she had Sabrina get this one too, but I don’t think so), and tries to impress her. When Audrey eventually does accept her, it’s only because she realises Chloé is “just like” her. That’s not unconditional love.

(On a side note, I think it was pretty sweet of Marinette to do that, though in the end I don’t think it was particularly good for Chloé’s character development. But that’s not the point of this post.)

It makes sense for a child who’s been abandoned by a parent to have some abandonment issues, and this is where I finally get to the point! See, I think there’s more to Chloé’s bad treatment of other people than simply mimicking her mother, or because she holds herself above them, or just doesn’t think of other people’s feelings. I think those things are all true, but I also think there is another reason, and that is a fear of getting close to people. A subconscious one, most likely, but one that results in her intentionally keeping people at an emotional distance.

There is one particular reason I think this, and that is Butler Jean. One of his lines from Despair Bear: “I’m sure mademoiselle can remember when she was a little girl; when Mr Cuddly was always nice to mademoiselle when she was sad.”

I draw two things from that. One, that Jean has been in that job at least since Chloé was little, if not before. And two, that when she was little, he used to make Mr Cuddly ‘be nice to her’, showing that Jean used to comfort her when she was upset. He’s one of the very few characters who show Chloé genuine affection, so you would think that Chloé would appreciate that. Yet she treats him as badly as she treats everyone else, going as far to call him the wrong name, a different wrong name, every time she addresses him.

Audrey does the exact same thing with Chloé; calling her a different wrong name; though in Audrey’s case she does actually correct herself, at least when we see her do it in Queen’s Battle. Whether Audrey does it on purpose or is really that forgetful of her own daughter’s name, I don’t know. But in Chloé’s case, I think she must know Jean’s real name. If he’s been waiting on her for most of her life, paying her more sincere affection than either of her parents, I just do not buy her really not knowing it at all. Either she pretends not to know it, or she’s repressed it. But if she actually tried, I’m sure she could recall it.

Now to the three people other than Audrey that Chloé does not treat like dirt:

First, Miss Bustier. Chloé is more respectful to her than she is to other adults, and clearly likes her (as evidenced in Zombiezou when she wanted to give her a present); but I think the fact that she’s her teacher and therefore is expected to keep a certain professional distance is enough to keep her from wanting to push her away, if that makes sense.

Next, Adrien. We know that the two of them have been friends since they were toddlers. We also know that Adrien had a lonely, isolated childhood. And that, I think, is the crucial reason why Chloé is never mean to him. Nowadays, I’m sure her crush on him comes into it, especially since he has other friends now. But when they were younger, she knew he was as reliant on her friendship as she was on his. And therefore he was the one person she could be certain would never leave her.

Now to Ladybug. As we all know, prior to season three, Ladybug was Chloé’s idol. The reasons for this are never explicitly stated, but I reckon it’s because Ladybug is universally adored and admired, and Chloé knows full well that she’s hated: “I have no reason to be here. Nobody likes me; I have no friends; I’m useless.” She clearly didn’t want to become a superhero in order to do the right thing, or otherwise she wouldn’t have deliberately jeopardised the Metro train; instead she craves the admiration, and we know she became Queen Bee in response to Audrey dismissing her and offering Marinette the chance of a lifetime. (Only now noticed she actually has tears in her eyes in this moment; see the picture below.) The fact she wanted to be Queen Bee for the wrong reasons is greatly criticised by the people who don’t like her, but it just makes me feel more sorry for her.

(With regard to the ‘I have no friends’ thing, I always thought of that as an odd thing for her to say, because of Adrien and Sabrina. I’m still not one hundred percent certain on why she says this, but I don’t think it’s because she’s trying to get Ladybug to feel sorry for her. At least in that moment, she clearly believes it.)

Becoming a superhero was a dream come true for her, so when she started to realise that Ladybug was neglecting her in favour of other superheroes, it’s no wonder she was hurt. As usual with Chloé, it showed itself in anger. When Ladybug actually explains to her that she can’t give her the bee Miraculous back, and why, I now think Chloé reacted the way she did because she felt like, once again, she was being abandoned. This time by her idol.

I’m not saying this excuses her eventually accepting Hawk Moth’s offer, but I do think it explains it better than Chloé just having a tantrum over not being a superhero anymore. When Hawk Moth (very manipulatively) says “You’re Ladybug’s biggest fan. You’ve helped her. You’ve trusted her. And what has she done for you in return?” Chloé responds, “Nothing! She couldn’t care less about me!” Which is not true, and Chloé should have known this, because Ladybug specifically told her that not giving the Miraculous back was “for your own safety”. But Chloé’s response says, to me, that she felt betrayed. Feelings of abandonment are not necessarily rational. Back in Miraculer, when she said “I understand,” I think she was trying really hard to accept Ladybug’s explanation. I do. But she clearly was hurt, as evidenced by ripping up the photo of her and Ladybug and saying she didn’t want to pretend to be her anymore when playing with Sabrina. Then time went on, and then Ladybug chose Ryuko when it was Chloé’s own parents that had been akumatized, and that was just the last straw. She forgot what Ladybug had said, and she forgot all the times before that when Ladybug had helped her, out of feeling personally rejected.

When I’d written all of this out and went back to the episodes to check the accuracy of my quotes, I was much closer to crying than I had ever been watching those moments.

If this is canon, then it gives me hope, because I don’t see how the writers can not give her the redemption she needs. If her abandonment issues are addressed/dealt with, if she finds people who accept and care about her no matter what she’s done (I’m looking at Jean and Miss Bustier here—possibly Adrien, but I think it might take him a while to forgive her considering he and Ladybug were personally hurt by her actions), I think she could actually change for the better on a more permanent basis.

As I’ve written this post, I’ve come to believe more and more in my conclusion. Really, now I think about Chloé in this light, I don’t blame the writers for what they did. As destructive to Chloé’s development as it seems, it was a logical and in-character plot direction. Hawk Moth had already taken advantage of knowing Queen Bee’s identity to distract her during Heroes’ Day; there was no way he would pass up on using it against her again. He knows Chloé personally and was able to press all the right buttons to tap into her unresolved issues. What happened wasn’t just foreshadowed in Miraculer; it was probably inevitable. But that doesn’t mean Chloé can’t come back from it.

I’ve also said before and I’ll say it again; Chloé was fated to be Queen Bee, and I don’t believe that was because her destiny was to betray Ladybug and Cat Noir. I’m starting to think that she’ll be the key to the heroes’ eventual victory. Perhaps because Hawk Moth now sees her as an ally (or at the very least a pawn he can manipulate), she’ll be able to use that against him in the end. So Miracle Queen had to happen in order for them to win.

I hope this proves hopeful to everyone else who felt let down by the season three finale.

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bullshittierlists · 5 years

Photo

My Hero Academia Ships Tier List (I’m pretty sure there’s a line missing from “Literally never even crossed my mind,” but it’s basically the same as every other line)

OTP

Mineta x Eternal loneliness and suffering - This is my Ultimate OTP. It just makes me so happy seeing Mineta get everything he deserves, and I really think this pairing develops his character so well.

Todoroki x Midoriya - I really love this ship because I feel like it’s just so pure and both of them are getting exactly what they deserve in a partner. Todoroki gets someone that can comfort and reassure him through all of his doubts (i.e. “It’s your power Todoroki”). Midoriya gets someone that can care for him and doesn’t abuse him (*cough cough* Bakugo *cough cough*).

Kirishima x Bakugo - I love this ship because it develops both Kirishima and Bakugo’s characters so well, even without the romantic aspect. Kirishima is the only one with the ability to calm Bakugo down, which he really needs, and Bakugo’s becoming friendlier with the help of Kirishima. At the same time, Bakugo is helping Kirishima with his insecurities, something he also really needs.

Has a large Pinterest section

Mirio x Tamaki - This ship is just so pure, especially with the spoilers I’m not supposed to know about and don’t want to talk about. I think they have a great dynamic, but fanart’s a bit awkward because of how Mirio’s face is styled.

Ojiro x Hagakure - I think this is one of the least debated ships in the fandom. As far as I know, there hasn’t been any negative opinions about it, since it’s not too big of a ship and neither of them really has anyone else they can be shipped with as much.

Kaminari x Jirou - I know this one’s controversial, because of Jirou x Momo, but I absolutely love the dynamic between these two. I like how Jirou makes fun of Kaminari, but they’re able to laugh about it afterwards. I just think it’s cute, and that’s that.

Thinking about making a Pinterest section

All Might (Toshinori) x Inko - You can’t hate on this ship, it’s just too cute. I like to imagine that Toshinori gets even more flustered than Inko does, and then Midoriya’s just embarrassed. I especially like this ship, because it means that All Might is really Midoriya’s dad.

Aizawa x Ms. Joke - I know there are several ships with Aizawa in them and Ms. Joke is far from the most popular, but I really like their dynamic. I always fall for the stoic indifferent, character with the light, bubbly one, and that’s exactly what this ship is. Not to mention Ms. Joke canonly likes Aizawa, so there’s that.

Still debating

Iida x Uraraka - This was one of my main ships when I first entered the fandom. I thought their characters fit well together, and they made for a cute pairing. But then, there was a scene in season 3 with Iida and Aoyama that made me question everything. I still like this ship, but I’m not a multishipper, so I’m still deciding on which one to ship. Speaking of Iida and Aoyama, that wasn’t on this list and I was very surprised. Also, neither were Tensei and Fuyumi, which I actually really enjoy.

Tokoyami x Tsuyu - This ship is really popular, but I just don’t see it. It doesn’t really help that I don’t really pay attention to either of these characters that much anyway, inside or out of the show. I guess I’m open to this ship, but I haven’t had many experiences with it, so it hasn’t really stuck with me.

Present Mic x Aizawa - This is another pretty popular ship, and I guess I kind of like it, because they were friends as kids, and they’re still friends now. However, like I mentioned earlier, I’m not a multishipper, and have to choose, so as of right now, I’ve chosen Ms. Joke over Present Mic, but that is always subject to change.

Tetsutetsu x Kendo - I guess I kind of like this ship, but only because of the fact that I know it exists. I haven’t seen anything for it, I just know that it is a thing, but it’s not that popular, since Kendo isn’t really talked about much as a character. Honestly, I’m just glad there isn’t too much debate about Tetsutetsu and Kirishima, because that’s just wrong.

Endeavor x Hawks - Since I only watch the anime, I have absolutely no idea who Hawks is. All I know about him is that he’s shipped with Endeavor a lot, so of course, I’ve debated it. Since I don’t have much context for this ship, I’m not sure what to think about it quite yet.

Endeavor x Eternal loneliness and suffering - The only thing keeping this from being in the OTP tier is Hawks existence. If I hadn’t considered Endeavor with Hawks, this would absolutely be in the OTP tier.

I guess I’ve thought about it briefly (Doesn’t mean I liked it, though)

I’m skipping over this section because every explanation would be some iteration of, “I’ve acknowledged it’s existence and nothing more.” And I don’t need to come up with 13 different ways to say that.

Literally never even crossed my mind

I’m also skipping over this section because for all of them, the first time I’d ever seen or heard of these was making this list. They mean nothing to me, positive or negative, they apparently exist, and I can’t be bothered enough to talk about them since most of make literally no sense.

NOTP. Leave. Get out of here with that shit. Nobody wants you here.

Endeavor x Rei - This ship is in this tier, not because I hate it, but out of respect for Rei. She was abused and forced to bear children not for the reason of loving them, but for the purpose of using them as weapons and making them stronger. She was basically forced into breeding. Not so fun fact: Outside of Rei’s door in the mental hospital, her sign says “Mrs. Todoroki.” If that isn’t the cruelest thing I’ve ever seen, I don’t know what is. She was forced into breeding to get a strong kid, abused for actually liking her own children, forced herself into hurting said child, taken to a mental hospital by her abuser, and for an extra slap in the face, labelled as his wife, and not as her own person. Isn’t that just terrible? Anyways, PSA over, I feel bad for Rei and thoroughly believe she deserves better.

Midoriya x Uraraka - Ah, the chosen ship. The meant to be. The absolutely terrible, I hate it. While this is obviously not the worst ship in the show, I still severely dislike it. It’s not good, it’s completely forced, and it doesn’t flow well. Uraraka likes Midoriya in the show, because he’s the protagonist. Not because he did anything special to impress her. I mean, to be fair, he is pretty cute, but by the logic that he impressed her with his quirk, everyone else should be shipped with him in canon, too. If she hadn’t been the first girl she met, I probably would’ve liked this ship a lot more, since it wouldn’t have been set up from the very beginning, but it was, so I don’t like it at all.

Todoroki x Bakugo - ...Why? They’re literally only shipped together because they’re two of the main characters and because they look good together in art. There’s no chemistry, they don’t even have the childhood friends trope that Bakugo and Midoriya do, they’re just, main characters, so people ship them together.

All Might x Midoriya - Do I really even need to explain why this is bad? It’s pretty obvious from literally any standpoint, it’s not a good ship. Don’t ship them. That’s like shipping a father with his son. Don’t do it.

Bakugo x Midoriya - Here it is. The ultimate worst ship in this fandom. I’ll start with the obvious, Bakugo is abusive of Midoriya. Midoriya went through years upon years of bullying and most likely trauma directly from Bakugo! I thought we liked Midoriya, so why are we putting him in an abusive ship? My own, special reasoning for this one is that Bakugo and Midoriya are both bottoms, for sure. Midoriya just radiates bottom energy, while Bakugo is the reluctant power bottom. When it comes to shipping for me, I’m okay with a bottom and a top or two tops, but I don’t like to ship bottoms together, so this just doesn’t work. Besides, this ship is the exact same as Midoriya x Uraraka and Todoroki x Bakugo, its shipped because they’re main characters, this one just has some extra pros and cons. Some of the pros are that they shared a childhood and are growing together as heroes. But I think the cons overpower the pros, because just a few of the cons are that Midoriya spent his entire childhood believing he wasn’t good enough and couldn’t be like his idol because of Bakugo. He never believed in himself and felt like he could never be what he wanted to be in life because of Bakugo. Not to mention, that, correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t My Hero Academia’s main plot following Midoriya about him overcoming his fears of not being good enough and becoming a hero despite all of his disadvantages, the first of which being a problem Bakugo caused? Basically, the series focuses on Midoriya getting away from Bakugo and not needing his constant critique and learning to ignore his hurtful words. I understand that Bakugo is growing as a character (through Kirishima), but that doesn’t automatically make what he did in the past okay. He still abused and bullied Midoriya, even getting everyone else in their class, if not the entire school, to bully him as well. Bakugo is getting better, but he still needs to own up to his past actions, and even if he does that, I still believe Midoriya deserves better than that.

This tier list was missing a lot of ships I expected to be on there, but like I’ve said before, I don’t make my own tier lists, I just put them in the order I want.

#my hero academia #boku no hero academia #mha #bnha #shipping #tier list #opinions #spoilers maybe #I can't remember

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specialmindz · 5 years

Photo

“NYEH HEE HEE HEE!”

“*Sigh* Why...why do you do this? You know that’s not right.”

“...I’s ready to go Daddy...”

“No. No you’re not.”

“I’s ready to pay in da’ snow...”

“We’re visiting the king,” said Gaster, taking Papyrus’s boots and putting them on correctly.

He should be doing this himself.

“The king in the snow pace?”

“No.”

“He building a snowman?”

“NO.”

“alphys is sick baby bro,” said Sans opening a cabinet. “so i have to help dad work for the next few days. the king volunteered to babysit you for a while-”

“HE GONNA SIT ON DA’ BABY?!”

“no pap-”

“HE GONNA SIT ON DA’ BABY!”

“papyrus…”

“YOU GOTS TO TELL HIM I’S NOT AN EGG BIG BUTHER!”

“what...?”

“You gots to tell him I’s not an egg! The king be reeeaal tall and stuff so when he sees a tiny skelly baby such as myself, he only see mah bald widdle baby head and he probably think ‘wowie, I find-ed a tiny widdle egg on mah doorstep! I bet there be a baby chicken inside...I bedder sit on it, or is gonna get cold-”

“you’re wearing clothes bro.”

“Yeah, but he can’t sees em’ cause’ he too big...Imma draw a smiley face on my head. Where the markers be?”

“You’re not allowed to have markers.”

“Dat don’t mean I doesn’t need em’. Baby is NOT a butt-plug.”

“what’s a butt-plug?”

Gaster sighed, already exhausted. He didn’t want to bring Papyrus all the way to New Home, and he wanted to leave him there even less. King Asgore was the Underground’s only hope of escape at the moment...the only solid one at least. He was Gaster’s safety net of sorts if Sans turned out to be unable to teleport his brother past the barrier. Without the king, the royal scientist would be an even bigger nervous wreck then he was now, but no one else was willing to watch Papyrus and there was no way on earth the little troublemaker would leave them alone while they worked.

Picking up the baby bones with his wingdings so as to avoid being bitten, he looked the infant in the eye. “His Highness is very lonely Papyrus,” he said gravely. “and what’s worse is he doesn’t know the full extent of your horrendous behavior. That means he’s going to be spending a lot of time with you rather than simply leaving you to play his lost children’s video games; that being said, you need to be kind to him. If he dies, there will be no one strong enough to wield the human souls and break the barrier, understand?”

“Ooooh! Fluffy Buns gonna pay wit da’ baby?!”

“yep, so be nice to him bro. no hitting, no biting, no tearing anything up-”

“Okay, okay. I’s gonna be nice and quiet and just read books like a good bae.”

“NO BOOKS. Do you hear me? NONE. Do not read him ANY stories. He can read to you, but do NOT read to him, do I make myself clear?”

The last thing I need is an hour-long phone call from the old fool trying to find the right words to tell me how to raise my child.

Gaster got a lot of those from the queen long ago if he remembered correctly and they annoyed him to no end. Not just because she took forever to get to the point, but because she refused to even consider the possibility that HER kids were the ones that needed a talking to. In her eyes, it was always Gaster’s fault, not her precious Asriel or Chara.

Even though Papyrus spent most of his time around those two and I’M always working, it’s still somehow more likely MY influence, right.

I do wonder though, whatever happened to the old hag?

I know she abandoned her husband and the kingdom, but where exactly did she run off to?

“I can pay wit da’ snails?”

“You’ll do what he asks you to do.”

Papyrus blew a raspberry in the scientist’s direction, splattering him with drool.

“NYEH HEE HEE HEE HEE!”

“have fun baby bro, and tell me everything when you get back okay? maybe if you’re reeeeally good, the king will help you get into daycare!”

“Absolutely not,” said Gaster, placing the baby bones under his arm. “sending him to daycare is out of the question with its current management.”

“huh? why? what’s wrong with undyne’s mom?”

His father shook his head. “I know the woman who works there personally. She uses her child’s temper as a tool for suing parents who leave their children at the daycare she now runs. Whenever Undyne throws a tantrum and hurts someone there, her mother accuses the parents of child abuse, claiming that despite Undyne’s reputation, the children keep trying to play with her because their parents order them to. She has the king completely convinced that they’re getting their kids hurt on purpose so they can sue her. It’s a complete lie of course, she used to work at the lab pulling the same money-grubbing stunts until I fired her.”

And this was BEFORE the Underground was such a poverty pot.

No doubt she’ll try to use Papyrus somehow, wretched woman…

“Her husband fought and died in the war and so Asgore not only sees her as a lover of children who does everything in her power to enrich their lives, but also sympathizes with her. He sees her as a single-parent with a troubled child living in a bad economy and thinks she’s selfless and kind, when in reality she’s as greedy as they come.”

“well...she can’t go doing that forever and ever and ever though right? even if everyone’s poor, the king will eventually figure out she’s lying. he can’t believe the ENTIRE underground’s out to rob her.”

Even if everybody IS poor, he should know he’s being punked. Not EVERYONE is gonna gang up on ONE person, especially if they need that person to watch their kids.

“He’ll figure it out eventually, yes...but for now, Papyrus needs you. He’s better behaved when you’re watching him anyway; now I expect the beakers to be in place by the time I get back Sans-”

“Nyeh? Snas not gonna tellyport da’ baby?”

“nope. dad wants to make me do all the prep work and use your trip to asgore’s as an excuse.”

Gaster rolled his eyes and left the lab. There was no point in retorting, Sans would never understand how lucky he was compared to the other children in the Underground. Unlike them and himself, he wasn’t a victim of poverty and no amount of arguing on Gaster’s part would rid the boy of the entitled attitude that came with living comfortably.

Lazy ungrateful brat...he really thinks every kid sits on their ass all day while their parents work. Preposterous. Back in MY day, we used to work in mines and factories at his age and both places were messier than the Nursery. We spent most of the money we earned on medicine just so we could work more and he’s complaining about setting up a few beakers...?

“I thought Sans Serifs made up for their lack of strength with superior intellect, but clearly I was wrong. Damn that Charles Dickens and his god-awful Oliver Twist novel! If Sans hadn’t gotten ahold of that book-”

“To be, or not to be! Nyeh hee hee!”

“That’s Shakespeare.”

“I has look-ed upon all da’ universe has to hold of horror, and even the skies of spring and flowers of summer must ever afterward be poison to me.”

“And that’s Lovercraft.”

“Waz Lovecafe?”

“Dr. Seuss for adults; you know what it is, you just quoted it.”

“Is mac and cheese?”

“YOU JUST QUOTED IT.”

“Yeah, but maybe I read-ed it off the box?”

“I highly doubt any form of Kraft Mac and Cheese would put the words ‘horror’ and ‘poison’ on their box,” said Gaster tightening his grip on the baby bones. The spring platforms were dangerous in Hotland when you were carrying things. It made him (and a lot of other people he imagined) wish that the elevators were better maintained as good food was only really found at the Resort or in Snowdin. That meant people who lived in Waterfall not only had to brave the harsh climate of Hotland, but also somehow carry their groceries back home across the springboards if ever the elevators were to break down, which was often...and today.

“WHEEEEEEE! DO A FLIP DADDY!”

Despite the overpopulation problem, there just weren’t many people who knew anything about complex machinery. Some monsters knew about the compromise Asgore had made with the humans long ago, but most did not. The deal was if he worked together with them to destroy the Horrors, they would refrain from mass genocide and settle for the monster’s self-imprisonment within Mt. Ebott. The king, in his cowardice, took the agreement and kept it secret from all his people, aside from the handful of Boss monsters he needed to raise the barrier itself...Boss monsters that had to put the barrier up from the outside in order to get it to work, which resulted in their destruction. His Highness, claiming the reason for the team up was because the Horrors posed a bigger threat to the earth, was left with weak monsters of all sorts with different backgrounds. None were prepared for Mt. Ebott. They weren’t a group of scientists, engineers, or soldiers, they were simply confused citizens who were one day told to gather inside a mountain by their king before being sealed inside and fed a bunch of lies.

There’s no one left down here who knows how to fix the elevators except me now, thanks to Papyrus. Asgore’s lucky I was already in here before this place was sealed, or he’d have quite a problem.

It would’ve been nice if he could go back to what he was doing BEFORE the monster came to Mt. Ebott and began piling work on top of him. He wanted and had been studying the strange climate changes within the mountain, trying to hypothesize if the volcanic activity had anything to do with the strange weather and if the source of all magic really stemmed from the Earth’s core, or if it was just a chemical reaction; but it had been so long since he’d seen his notes, he doubted they hadn’t already been chewed up by the hellspawn under his arm. Luckily, skeletons had the lifespan of a monster, and Asgore not only knew about the lack of educated monsters in the Underground, but was doing something about it, putting emphasis on certain subjects in schools and introducing the students to daily logic puzzles so that the next generation would be more tech savvy. It would take a while, but by the time most of the children in the Underground reached adulthood, most of them would know the basics of at LEAST electrical engineering and be able to fix those damn elevators.

If Sans didn’t have one hp I’d absolutely enroll him, but I need someone to watch Papyrus and he’d most likely be killed by one of those bratty school children. He’s too shy, small, and weak to be near anyone immature...I can’t risk it. Especially when I’m so swamped with work.

“It almost makes me want to try again...make a new clone and split it in half, this time the RIGHT way...but if I make another mistake, I’ll have FOUR children...”

“Nyeh?! You’s gonna make more babies?!”

“Absolutely not.”

“I wish to have a widdle sister. Not like Snas, I mean a REAL sissy-”

“Sans is the closest thing to a girl that will ever come near you, and I can say that with the utmost confidence.”

“Undyne a girl...”

“You heard what I said.”

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!

“Who there?”

“What?”

“Snas say, when he do dat, I’s supposed to say ‘who there.”

“...”

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!

“Who there?”

“Stop that.”

Opening the door, Asgore greeted the two with a warm smile. “Welcome Gaster, I’m so glad you decided to bring your little one in person rather than having Sans simply teleport him here.” He bent down until he was eye level with Papyrus. “You’re looking adorable as ever Papyrus, it’s nice to see you too! You look like you’ve gotten a bit bigger since we last saw each other, ho ho ho!”

“You too.”

“PAPYRUS! I’m so sorry your Highness-”

“Oh don’t worry about it, I’m sure he means well.”

“NYEH HEE HEE!”

Handing Papyrus to Asgore, Gaster frowned as he watched the baby bones snuggle into the king’s chest...a tactic the infant usually used to distract the people he was trying to steal from.

“Get your wingdings out of his pocket. I told you to behave yourself!”

“He’s only curious my friend! I remember when my little Chara was still alive, they used to go through everything-”

“Where all da’ monies at? You’s a king aren’t you? You’s supposed to be wich!”

“Ho ho ho, you’ve got your brother’s sense of humor I see!”

“YOU’S NOT FUNNY!”

“We’re gonna have such a fun day!”

“ERRRNNN!”

“Alright, I’m heading off. I’ll return for Papyrus as soon as you call me,” said Gaster turning to leave.

“As soon as I call you?”

“Correct. When you reach the point where you no longer wish to watch him, give me a call and I’ll pick him up. One, two days would be nice, or whenever you feel like your life is in danger-”

“NYEHHHHHHH!”

“Ah! Oh dear, it’s alright little one, I’m sure he was only joking,” said the king, bobbing the infant up and down in his arms.

“He’s not upset. He’s only crying because that’s what babies do when their parents leave for work, or in my case, to go shopping. Papyrus will do what’s expected of other babies, as long as you’re watching him, in order to convince you he’s a normal infant…despite his exceptional talents. If he gets hungry, simply leave him by himself and he’ll fetch his own food, in fact, leaving him to his own devices is probably the best thing to do in general, especially if you’re at a loss.”

“Leave him by himself? That’s madness! I know he’s not a monster Mr. Wingdings and so should thus be raised differently, but my house is built for large creatures…my cabinets may as well be closets in his eyes! What if he gets into my cleaning supplies? He could be poisoned!”

“I’s going straight for da’ soap!”

“NO you’re not. He’s not your Highness. Remember, he’s a natural born liar and unfortunately, another trait he shares with his brother is he’s very attention-seeking.”

“Is you seeking mah foot up yo’ ass? Cause’ dat’s what it sounds like douche Daddy…”

Gaster didn’t respond. He simply turned and left, leaving behind a very confused and concerned king.

“We’s gonna read a book Fluffy Buns? Daddy said I could read alllll the books I wanted while I’s here…”

“Um…s-sure…” said Asgore, carrying the Horror into the living room. He sat down into his chair and watched as the baby bones used his wingdings to grab a random book from the shelf, all the while struggling to shake the uneasy feeling that had been steadily growing within him since he picked the infant up.

He was familiar with Horrors…he had fought them in the war after all, but he had little to no experience with their children. Apparently, the majority of baby bones were supposedly more intelligent than monster babies, though it did differ with each infant and had a lot to do with their typing. Verbal Fonts, which is what Papyrus was if he recalled, were the first to learn language and so were able to hold entire conversations at a very young age; entire coherent conversations. While other children struggled with multiple lisps, Verbal Fonts would speak clearly and be careful to only alter their speech enough to sound cute and maintain the love of the adults around them.

An intelligent infant is a dangerous thing…combine that with Papyrus’s ability and my love for children in general, and I’m at even greater risk.

I must be very careful of what I say…

“So Papyrus, if I recall correctly, each time you’ve visited my home you’ve crawled straight for my children’s room to play. We’ve never really gotten to know one another, have we?”

Papyrus stopped flipping through the book. “Nyeh?”

“Why don’t you tell me about yourself little one?”

The baby bones looked at his book and then back at the king as if he were unsure of what to say. For a moment Asgore thought he wasn’t going to speak at all; perhaps talking to Papyrus like an adult wasn’t the best idea. Gaster DID say he tended to act like a regular baby in front of others…

Did I make a mistake?

“*Ahem* My name be Papyrus and I’s two years old,” said the baby bones holding up two fingers. “I enjoy cuhwering, long crawls on da’ beach, and my big Buther’s company…his peasants I mean, he not own a company.”

“Heh heh ha ha!”

“As for my own endevors, I help the Underground by selling cheap affordable drugs to junkies so they overdose and die…or I WOULD do dat, if SOMEBODY would stop cutting off my supply.”

“…”

“Dat someone be YOU Fluffy Buns…”

“…I would appreciate it if you’d get out of the drug trade Papyrus,” said Asgore averting his eyes.

“Well I would appeciate it if you’d stop fuking wit my job security, NYEH!” Papyrus threw the book he was holding onto the floor. It didn’t have any pictures, so it was basically useless.

Not something meant for babies anyway.

“Dis book suck! Where da’ pictures at Fluffy Buns? You get dis from the weird part of the library?”

“Seriously Papyrus, about your job-”

“One time I went to the library to get some books for Snas, and I found a book just like this…cept’ it wasn’t like this, it was all soft like a blankey!” exclaimed the tiny skeleton hugging his Highnesses beard.

“Papyrus.”

“Dis book was weird as hell Mr. Buns! I open it up and it had zippers and buttons in it! BUTTONS! Who puts buttons in a book? They didn’t do nothing either! I undid the zipper AND the buttons and there no pockets or nothin’. What dat spose’ to teach the baby? How that edgy-cation-al? I thought it would at LEAST have pockets with stuff in em’ but it didn’t have CWAP!” yelled the baby kicking his tiny legs.

“…”

“I talked to Dirt-Butt about dis and he said the book was a met-a-phor about life. He said is supposed to teach you that life is full of disappointment and people who look for free hand-outs deserve to BE disappointed-”

“What? No!” cried Asgore horrified. “The book you’re describing is most likely a sensory book. It’s a book that acts as a toy for-who is this ‘Dirt-Butt?’ Why would he say something like that to you?!”

What kind of-

“…I thought it was deep.” Papyrus picked the abandoned book back up. “Dis a meta-book too? What it mean?”

“It…it doesn’t mean anything. It’s a book about snails.”

“I think it mean…exercising yo’ ima-gin-ation be more important than relying on someone else’s. Dat’s why it don’t gots pictures. Is saying ‘exercise your ima-gin-ation and make yo’ own pictures. Make your own books wit pictures so OTHER peoples can enjoy them. Give back to da’ community.’ What you think Fluffy Buns?”

“I think it’s a book about snails.”

CA-CLACK!

Papyrus dropped the book again.

“…”

“I liked dat book, is easy to read.”

“You didn’t read it.”

“There was dis one meta-book I find-ed that I still can’t read dough. Is hard like dis one, made of wood, but it had weird stuffs inside dat was scratchy and rubbery and foamy and-”

“That’s another sensory book. Babies are supposed to touch the things inside the book to learn what they feel like.”

“Even the dead kitty?!”

“Dead kitty?”

What?

“There be a page inside that say ‘kitty’s are soft, feel how soft the kitty is?’ and there be fur sticking out page! I touched it and it was real fur Fluffy Buns! Someone squished a cat in a book and put it on the shelf!”

“No.”

“They squished it flat like Undyne…”

“No, also don’t talk about Undyne’s chest like that…it’s not nice.”

“Why not? She do! I ask her one time, ‘hey Fish-Lady, where your boobs be? Yo’ muder gots boobs, so where yours?’ and she go, ‘I don’t know, I think they ran away while I’s sweeping. My mama keeps hers in a hammock cage thing so they don’t get away, but she never bought me one cause’ she cheap.”

Asgore rubbed at his temples as if trying to will away a headache. He didn’t know if it was Papyrus’s seemingly boundless energy, continuous change in subject matter, or lack of listening skills, but the boss monster was feeling more and more drained as the conversation continued.

He expected a Verbal Font to be a chatterbox of sorts, but he didn’t expect it to physically affect him. It felt as if his mind were currently running a marathon whilst leaving his body behind.

Perhaps I’m just getting old, it’s not as if Asriel didn’t ask a million questions when HE was younger after all…though he wasn’t anywhere NEAR as bad as this. I suppose I shouldn’t be too surprised however, toddlers are one thing, but babies are quite another; they know even LESS about the world around them. Everything is new and exciting for a baby, so of course a Verbal Font like Papyrus is going to want to talk nonstop about even the smallest of occurrences.

Peeking through his fingers, the king watched Papyrus chatter on, seemingly oblivious to the world around him.

Stars above, I can only imagine how tired Mr. Wingdings must be on a regular basis. Perhaps I’ve been pushing him too hard with all these demands…as important as they are, his children should come first.

“…So I say, ‘you needs boobs Fish-Lady for your footure babies! Erybody knows muder milk be the most nutritious!’ and then she did dat thing where her eyes get real big and her voice get loud and she scream, ‘OH MY GOD! WHAT IF SOMEONE STOLE MY BOOBIES WHILE I WAS SWEEPING SO THEY COULD HAVE FREE MILK?! WE MUST CAPTURE THESE VILLAINS AND BRING THEM TO JUSTICE!”

Asgore brought his hands down. “Was this last week?”

“Nyeh? I don’t know, why?”

“Because I got a lot of complaints about Undyne last week. That’s why.”

“Then yep, probably, cause’ she and I went around asking people bout’ her boobs and she beat up lossa people. The ones who laughed. She said only bad guys laugh at the unfor-tune-ate.”

“That’s,” the king groaned pitifully. “That’s not a good reason to assault people…”

“Is good enough for her.”

“I CAN SEE THAT,” said Asgore loudly before quickly catching himself and correcting his volume. “How about I make us some tea?” Getting up, he sat the baby bones on the chair behind him and headed towards the kitchen, a tactic he often used whenever he was in an uncomfortable situation, however he didn’t miss the glare the little Horror shot him on his way there.

“Babies don’t dwink tea! Babies dwink MILK! Dat’s why Undyne’s boobies be so important! Why you no listen?”

“I’m listening…”

“No you’re not, you weave right in da’ middle of mah story!”

“You’ve told many stories already, why not take a break?”

“A bake? I don’t need no bake! I gots to pactice my font daily or I’ll be weak when I gets big!”

His Highness glanced over his shoulder, placing a full kettle of water on the stove. “I see…so these stories of yours are a way for you to practice your lying without suffering any severe long-term consequences. I suppose it’s safe to assume then that most of what you��ve said about Undyne’s…rampage, is entirely false?”

“I doesn’t remember ERYTHING she say, or the EXACT words she used, but I’s still telling the tooth. I’s a good bae, ya’ know? I help Undyne when she was feeling sad about not finding her boobies even dough I didn’t have to. I told her mah Daddy could make her some new boobs wit his science and then she was happy, all cause’ of me.”

“Your father eh? So if I call your father, he’ll tell me the same thing?”

“Yep. I aspect so. He the one who solved da’ mystery of the missing boobies too! My Daddy a hero even dough he suck.”

“Right.” The king stood in near the stove watching the kettle, he was torn between going back to the living room and hiding in the kitchen. He WANTED to keep listening to Papyrus, but he was tired and the infant’s loud high-pitched voice was becoming unbearable. He wasn’t sure how much helium Gaster was pumping into that baby’s room, but it sounded lethal, which was too bad because one of the few things Asgore took pride in was the fact that he was a much better listener than his wife. He loved her, but he was all too aware of her awful tendency to jump to conclusions before hearing an entire story and how much pain it could bring others, so he made it a point to do better. To BE better. It was almost like a secret and silent competition of sorts where he would struggle to become the prince’s favorite parent…though it was embarrassing to admit and deep down, he knew it wasn’t right.

There was even a shameful time when he went overboard and blamed her a bit for their children’s deaths, though he NEVER said anything about it verbally. As king, he had to work most of the time to maintain the Underground, especially considering the shape it was currently in, which meant TORIEL was in charge of watching the children throughout the day. He didn’t know exactly WHEN Asriel left for the human village, but there was a time when he suspected it was while his wife was supposed to be keeping an eye on them. The idea should have made angry or sad, but instead he only felt an embarrassing sense of triumph that he hated himself for.

That is, until Gaster set him straight one night at Grillby’s.

“Don’t be a fool. Your child left in the middle of the night; it was no one’s fault, much less your own, unless you make a habit out of watching your offspring sleep.”

“How can you be so sure? We don’t have cameras around our house OR the barrier.”

“Common sense. Her Highness homeschools them in the morning so it’d be impossible to leave at that time and had the prince left in the afternoon, it would have taken him hours to traverse his way down the mountain due to the unfamiliar terrain and to even FIND the village. He’d only be able to reach it by nightfall when most of the humans sleep.”

“I…I see.”

“You’ve spent most of your life in the countryside, you must know what it’s like. The small villages that dot such places usually comprise of farmers…an early to bed, early to rise type of people. There’s little to no chance that there’d be enough of them awake to swarm your son, unless he left in the middle of the night and arrived at the village in the morning. Blaming yourself is irrational behavior, as is drinking away your day at the bar.”

“Y-You’re right…thank you.”

“…Then I tell Undyne to use her cute voice cause’ my stink Daddy don’t look up from his papers, but she still scu it up. She go ‘peas mister science man, can you make me some new boobies? I needs em’ for my wife and kids.” Papyrus shook his head. “Stupid Fish-Lady, I told her she stupid too. Wives don’t need milk, BABIES need milk, but she call me a clown fish and told me to shut my cwap mouth. ‘You doesn’t know ANYTHING stupid baby! I saw my mama use milk for her coffee and big people LOVE coffee, so he gonna feel bad for mah wife and kids and give me boobs for a bargain!”

“…I’m curious as to what your father’s response was.”

“Daddy told her dat she took after her muder and to ask HER where her boobies were.”

Asgore nodded, though the baby couldn’t see him.

Ahh, the old ask-your-mother response. I remember using that many a time.

If he recalled however, it never ended well. Passing uncomfortable situations like that onto his wife proved to be...problematic, as the queen was stubborn in her ways.

“I do hope you didn’t bother that poor woman Papyrus.”

“Nyeh? Poor?” Papyrus looked confused. “She not poor! Undyne’s muder wich! I knows cause’ she gots vases with no flowers in them. I asked her why that be and she said it was none of my beeswax and to not come in her house when the door be locked…I think she sold Undyne’s boobies Mr. Buns, but I can’t proves nothing…I think dat’s what Daddy was trying to tell us.”

“I assure you, she did nothing of the sort-”

“Can I borrow yo’ boobs Fluffy? You doesn’t need them no more right? You give them to Undyne?”

“I don’t…I don’t have those things,” said Asgore, wincing as he heard the pitter patter of tiny boots headed towards the kitchen.

“You look like you do…” said the baby peeking around the corner.

“WELL I DON’T.”

“But you look like you do…hey, what chu doing?” asked Papyrus tilting his head.

Picking up the infant, Asgore began carrying the Horror towards the room he was currently renovating. “Why don’t we go play a game while the water’s boiling, hm? I’m sure you’d rather spend time playing than talking to an old man like me. I’ll even play with you! How’s that sound?”

“Annoying…”

“Ho ho ho!”

As his Highness began to set up the game counsel (something that had to be done every time his children played a game), Papyrus glanced around the room, the previous conversation forgotten. Nothing had really changed since he’d last been in here…in a sense anyway. Chara and Asriel had always been very competitive and it continuously resulted in the destruction of everything in the area except the game counsels they were using. The place itself was a mess of broken toys like the Nursery, but there were scorch marks every which way and bits of splintered wood from destroyed furniture. To his right he could see something that may have once been a table of sorts, so he imagined the princes might have been eating and gaming in the same place; a practice he THOUGHT their mother had banned long ago due to the stains on the wall from food that had no doubt been thrown in a rage after one of the children’s gaming sessions.

Despite spending so much time together, the two had personality traits that contrasted greatly with one another. Asriel was a coward and Chara wasn’t.

That being said, the little goat monster had a tendency to use underhanded tactics to win games when he saw he was losing, such as complaining to their mother about Chara killing Yoshi so he could keep his high score in Mario, or pretending to “accidently” pull his controller out of its socket so his loss wouldn’t count. It infuriated Chara, who was much more mature when gaming, and it often led to violent fights and ultimately their games being taken away for a week or so while the king and queen had the game room repaired.

As a baby that valued courage more than most, Asriel’s behavior disgusted Papyrus, but he stayed quiet about it while he was over. After all, the baby was a guest and no one was perfect. He suspected that Asriel’s parents and environment in general played a big part in feeding his friend’s cowardice, that and monster babies weren’t like skelly babies. They didn’t seem to have the natural instinct Papyrus had to try and grow up properly. They weren’t born with a sense of discipline or ambition; In fact, from what he DID see, all monster babies did was sit around and wait for others to do things for them. He knew because they didn’t change when they became toddlers or even children like Asriel. They still spent all day playing for fun and making demands instead of practicing their magic or trying to intentionally learn new things.

“They spoiled.”

“Hm?” Asgore turned from the counsel and looked around. “Yes, I suppose we did spoil our children a bit. There are times when I wonder in fact, if they’d still be alive if I had been stricter with them…made them afraid to leave the house without permission.” He chuckled and sat on the floor next to Papyrus. “Then again, children will be children and Asriel shared his mother’s stubbornness. He’d of left no matter what I threatened him with.”

Papyrus took up a Gamecube controller and glanced doubtfully at the king. “You know how to pay dis game, or is you gonna be an old person da’ whole time?”

“Excuse me? I set up the game-box didn’t I? Just because I’m old, doesn’t mean ALL technology eludes me young man!” Turning on the game, they watched through the cinematics until only the title screen SUPER SMASH BROS MELEE remained with the words “PRESS START” fading in and out at the bottom.

“…”

“…Why isn’t it starting?”

“See dat button in the middle of the controller there?”

“Which button?”

“The only one in da’ middle. The one that say ‘start.”

“This one?”

“Pess it.”

Asgore pressed the start button and they were taken to another screen with multiple choices that immediately made the infant regret keeping quiet about the choice of game.

“So this is that Super Smashing Fighters game you all love so much! Look at all these options…since I’m a ‘noob’ heh heh heh, I think I need some training…what does ‘1-P’ mean?”

“Go to ‘VS. Mode.”

“Alright…oh. Oh I see,” said Asgore as he was taken to the character screen. “Going straight to the game are we? You’re like Asriel it seems. You don’t want to give me a chance to learn how to play, you just want to win.”

“No Fluffy.”

“You wish to take advantage of my old age and lack of understanding.”

“No. We’s gonna fight as a team. Pick yo’ peoples.”

“OH! OH I KNOW THIS MONSTER! IT’S PIKACHU!”

“Pick yo’ peoples.”

“How do I pick Pikachu?”

Taking the controller from Asgore, Papyrus hovered over the yellow mouse and pressed the ‘A’ button. “You see dis button Mr. Buns? See how it gween like a stop light? Think of dis button as the ‘yes button’ If you want something you use the ‘yes button’ to get it. The red button here be the ‘no button’ if you don’t want something, you pess the ‘no button’ kay’? Cause’ red be a bad color dat means STOP like a stop sign.”

“What?”

“Use dis to pick stuff and dis to go back.”

“Oh alright.”

So as to avoid more annoyances, Papyrus went ahead and made the proper arrangements for their team battle, choosing Kirby as his character.

“Dis game needs more babies…”

“Papyrus. Papyrus look.” Asgore pressed a button on his controller. “He’s got a little hat, ho ho ho!”

“…”

“Aren’t you going to dress up your pink guy?”

“He don’t get clothes till he eat you.”

“Oh my goodness, there’s a princess in the game! Papyrus choose the princess, I bet she has nice clothes…oh no wait, be Pichu! That’s Pikachu’s baby right? We can be a family of fighters!”

“Pichu sucks.”

“But we can be father and son and-”

Papyrus quickly changed his character to Pichu and put Princess Peach and Kirby in the other two slots as their opponents. “Okay, there. I’s Pichu. We pay now?”

“Does he have any-”

The baby bones changed his costume.

“How adorable! This game is so very very cute! I don’t see why Tori had such a problem with it…maybe she didn’t know about the outfits? She had a habit of making mountains out of mole hills that woman…how do we proceed?”

Pressing ‘Start’ they made it to the stage selection screen where, thankfully, the king immediately chose the one with the giant pokeball on it, having apparently recognized the object from an old video series his children had found miraculously intact at the Dump.

As the game began, Papyrus’s annoyance faded a bit as he watched Asgore test out the controls without asking about them. He may not have known much about technology, but obviously his battle instincts transferred into the game, as he seemed to instinctively know not to distract Papyrus during the fight…that is…until he noticed their opponents where no match for the Horror.

“How do I catch you?”

“Nyeh?”

“How do I catch Pichu? Every time I throw these pokeball things at you they turn out to have someone in them already. Where are the empty ones, or how do I empty them out before catching you?”

“DON’T CATCH DA’ BABY!”

“You’ll be safe in the pokeball. It’s part of a grand strategy-”

“Dis not Pokemon! Dis MELEE! You just supposed to kill da’ pencess and the pink bae-”

“What? Killing?! This is a FIGHTING game Papyrus, we’re supposed to be JUST fighting, not killing!” His highness grumbled in frustration as the princess sent him flying into the abyss.

BOOSH!

“Is just a game Mr. Buns.”

“There are more important things in life than winning, child. Don’t-DON’T YOU PICK UP THAT HAMMER PAPYRUS! Did you not get in trouble for using such a thing in real life?!”

BOOSH!

Once again, Pikachu met his end to a frying pan.

The baby bones patted the king’s arm in an attempt to comfort the agitated monster. “Don’t be mad Fluffy, you do bedder next time!”

“What? I’m not angry! I’m not angry and that’s not the point!”

“You are. You’s mad cause’ the pencess be kicking you in your asshole.”

“She’s not-she’s not beating me, I’m letting her win because she’s a woman. It’s not good to hit women Papyrus, that’s not how a gentleman behaves!”

“Liar. She kick yo’ ass and now you’s mad.”

“I’m NOT angry. There’s nothing to be ANGRY about! This isn’t even a real GAME child! I told you I didn’t know how to play, so I need training. This game doesn’t count, it’s merely a learning experience!”

“A learning ah-sperience?”

“Quite.”

“Hm…then perhaps during dis game you can learn to be less of a bitch.”

“…”

“…What?”

“I’m calling your father.”

“Nyeh? Why? What I do?”

“You’re using naughty words and doing naughty things.”

“Ohhh, you wanna cry to my Daddy cause’ you feel embarrassed and you wants time to get good.”

“That’s not what I said!”

“You wanna send baby home so you can pactice.”

“Absolutely not!”

REEEEEEEEEE!

“Oh look, yo’ tea be done! Now you can go to da’ kitchen and peetend mah Daddy just called to check up on things!”

“PERHAPS HE WILL CALL!”

CA-THUM!

As Asgore stormed away, slamming the door behind him, Papyrus crawled over to the prince’s toy chest to scavenge for new crayons to take home with him.

It was unfortunate that Asgore and Asriel were so very much alike when it came to anything competitive, but that didn’t mean he and Papyrus couldn’t get along in general. He had had a good time talking to the king and even though he was mad, the infant wasn’t worried in the slightest. His Highness was upset, but he wouldn’t stay that way forever. Despite the fact that he was definitely going home, he knew he and the king would play again some other day and the baby was looking forward to it.

And as for Asgore himself, he decided allowing Papyrus to ingest a bit of soap wasn’t the worst idea in the world.

Merry Christmas everyone! Sorry for the wait, I had a computer error that erased ALL of my progress. Even if I did make the one month deadline, this still should have been done earlier, so I made it longer as compensation.

Also I finished another chapter of Fonttale 3, so there’s that too. I hope you all have a good holiday with your loved ones and remember to cherish them while they’re still around.

On another important note, I’ve no idea who drew this, but appreciate it’s existence. I tried looking it up through reverse image searching, but after it showed me a ton of results and I clicked on one, Norton freaked out and warned me that it had just blocked something...so if you want to know who drew this, reverse image search is NOT the way to go, otherwise you’ll risk your shit. Just thought I’d warn people who don’t have computer protection.

#Fonttale #Fonttale au #Undertale #Undertale au #Papyrus #Baby Papyrus #Gaster #Sans #kid sans #Asgore #a bit of deltarune

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darkouter · 5 years

Text

i said i was gonna make it canon that barty wrote moody a long “apology” (sort of?) letter once he began to interact with the order, and since @iustusetpeccator decided to exist near me, i was like “yes, i will write this thing no one asked for”

so, once again, i present you all with non-rp character content that no one wanted: barty’s letter to moody, click here!

if you can’t click that to read for some reason, i’ll paste it below (but u should click the above for the Experience™):

personals do not reblog !

A. Moody,

I will consider myself quite lucky, should this letter manage to be read by you at all. I would like to start by explaining the meaning of it and making a disclaimer. Writing this, it only serves to benefit you by some means. How much is uncertain, but even if it is only a slight amount of closure, it has served its purpose. I, by no means, seek forgiveness; I do not expect it, nor am I certain that I would ever feel comfortable with it if you could find it in you. Some members of The Order of the Phoenix have already shown me a great kindness that I do not feel I deserve. You have tolerated my presence somehow. I think that is more than enough. No, I only hope to provide clarity for our circumstances.

My story is not a plea for sympathy. It does not excuse my actions. I know this much. You know this much. There will be no dancing around this, as I will not attempt to guilt anyone about life being cruel to me. We all face hardships. I just could not handle mine with the grace others have, and that is my flaw; I have always been a coward. Abuse from a young age haunted me, and it rendered me in a state of constant desire for approval, left me dependent on others for my own happiness, and ripped all back-bone out of my spine in order to allow me the ability to bend over backwards without hesitation. This is essentially how we find ourselves here. Perhaps if I had found someone else to grovel in front of, this Barty Crouch Jr. would have never existed. That is not the case for us, unfortunately.

I see how easily I was manipulated now. Voldemort knew what my father had done to me; he used it against me. He created parallels between himself and I, curated what version of himself that I would see, and garnered something beyond sympathy and simple affection from me. I felt like he was the father I never had. Of course, I never had one at all, and it was simply grooming in order to pull ministry information out of me. He kept me for that, as well as for my transformation into a loyal, rabid dog at his feet. He was the only person I cared for. At no point did I care about pureblood philosophy or their cause. In fact, I thought it was idiotic as a boy and voiced it fervently until I was under his grasp. I still thought so. I did not care that he contradicted me morally. I did not care that I was contributing to the harm of others. I only saw him and the paternal love I was so convinced he had for me. Stupid. Sad.

It has taken me years to understand what happened to the Longbottoms. I was present, everyone says, but I cannot entirely agree. At first, I was convinced it never happened; I was innocent. It was a dream. A nightmare. Yet, I was sent to Azkaban by my father. I could not wrap my head around it. I knew he always hated me, certainly, but sending his own boy to Azkaban felt beyond simply having a terrible father-son relationship. What would make a man do that? In Azkaban, I reasoned that everyone was correct, I had tortured Frank and Alice beyond repair, as that was the only possible reason Crouch could have sent his own child to be imprisoned. I thought that. Then, this was the man who allowed his wife to become a martyr for her imprisoned son, only to make that sacrifice null by imprisoning him a second time.

I think I will never fully grasp the severity of the imperius curse. I spent eleven years under it. To anyone reasonable, your time was heinous. Logically, I agree. When I consider it, however, it feels like nothing. Time and consciousness and its significance are warped for me. I would apologize, but that does nothing for either of us. It does not give you your life back. I never will have mine back. I might never have one at all. It certainly does not feel that way. I imagine you can understand, to some degree, how the world feels after such a long duration of being puppeteered. Personally, I never feel just that — personally, personal, a person, a personality. I am uncertain of me. I question if Barty Crouch Jr. exists.

I know now, after pulling back the layers of confusion, that I was there when the Lestranges tortured the Longbottoms. I was eager to prove myself. It was the first time I casted the cruciatus curse. Once I did, I felt that same uncertainty of myself. I say I am uncertain I was present despite being there because it was hours of being rooted to one spot and staring. Terror is not what I would call it, but a complete shut-down. I barely remember details besides being numb and unfocused. Afterward, I felt dirty. I still feel dirty.

This is the context of the man you crossed paths with. Hurt, confused, and mentally weak, believing only in a love from a master that never existed, thus only functioning for him because there was nothing else of substance left behind. I confess, I feel a certain bond to you. You saw me in my worst state, unfiltered, raw, and delusional. I hate that man. I am terribly ashamed of that man. I am horrified by the possibility that I am still that man, that nothing has changed. I hope he is dead and that I have killed him, the same as I now seek to kill others like him. I know what they are, and they do not deserve the life they have.

I owe you more than I can say. Whether you believe it or not is your decision, but I offer unconditional service to you. Saying a plain “sorry” or “apologies” or any other such word is pathetic in our situation. Instead, action is what I grant, in hopes that it contains true meaning. I will attempt to pay my insurmountable debt to you, should you accept this desire to repent and call upon me ever. If not, I will simply accept the full force of guilt upon my shoulders, as that is all I can really do.

With well intention, B.C. jr.

#| OOC: HEY GHOULS!#| C: BARTEMIUS CROUCH JR.#| DRABBLE.#maybe?#what am i doin !!!!!!#anyways ( mr. meeseeks voice) oooooh he's TRYIN #he still got a good boy deep down in there........... somewhere... desperate to Fix Things that he can't #i love him.......#he definitely went through several drafts of this and then when it was finalized he wrote and rewrote it until it was NEAT #the most aesthetically pleasing script he could manage........#no mistakes...

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keptvigil · 5 years

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meta: i dunno if you've talked about it at LENGTH but humor and self-deprecating jokes; why he does it, where he learned it, and how does it change/develop/lessen/etc. as he gets older?

ENABLE MY RAMBLING // always accepting // @higheverbled

IT’S A DEFENSE MECHANISM, MOSTLY. With Al, it’s always important to remember that he’s spent his whole life being torn down and degraded. "What? Lead? Me? No, no, no. No leading. Bad things happen when I lead. We get lost, people die, and the next thing you know I’m stranded somewhere without any pants.“ This isn’t something TDC Al would say (because he is leading), but it’s still telling about his upbringing. As are several other quotes, but if I listed all of them, we’d never get through this. He speaks down about himself a LOT. It’s all he’s ever known, parroting the words of his abusers.

Humor isn’t simply a way to hide his insecurities (although he does use it for that purpose at times). It’s literally a way to survive for him; that’s how it started. Eamon’s treatment of him was geared specifically towards debilitating him. The last thing he wanted was for Alistair to grow up and pose a threat to Cailan’s rule, but I think a part of him also saw the opportunity in having Alistair dependent on him should the unthinkable happen and Cailan die. Everyone who knew he was Maric’s son treated him about the same way — not always in an abusive, degrading sense but in a coddling sense out of some attempt to protect him. (He notes that even Duncan took precautions with him, although I like to think this is more because Duncan cared for him + Fiona so much and not because he was Maric’s son.) Any ambition in him was quickly smothered, along with any traits that seemed even remotely assertive, confident, inspiring, etc. Many people who didn’t know about his lineage still treated him similarly because they thought him to be the arl’s son. Isolde, who was his primary abuser, tore him down viciously at any opportunity. He wasn’t a child to her; he was a threat, and she would not brook it. Thus, while Eamon tore him down because he feared a threat to his nephew, she tore him down because she feared a threat to her future children.

The templars … were not much better in this regard. Sure, they like to have recruits who might one day become Knight-Commanders or Knight-Vigilants, but they don’t like soldiers who question. This is a big part of why many templars are recruited young; get them early, train them up, and they never know anything different so they never stray. The moment you start really thinking for yourself, contemplating your duty and Chantry doctrine, you become less pliant. They don’t want people; they want swords; they want tools. Part of why Alistair was so often targeted for punishment and prematurely given lyrium is because he never just followed orders. He never just swallowed down the lessons they shoved in his mouth. He was defiant. They would break him.

Thus we arrive at an Alistair who purposefully acts juvenile and foolish in order to protect himself. The second anyone ever took him seriously, he was smacked back into place. This was often literal. Eamon never raised a hand to him, but his disapproval was no less cutting for the boy. Most everyone else, though, took a lash to him or put him in solitary confinement or both. But, if he stayed small, if he stayed unnoteworthy, if he was silly and kept them in good humor, maybe — just maybe — he’d be safe. It didn’t work like that, unfortunately.

There are other reasons for his humor, of course. As I mentioned above, one is to hide his own insecurities — well, not so much hide them as have a way to deal with them. His humor is very rarely unkind to others — not unless they’ve been unkind to him first — but it is nearly always self-deprecating. He does not have a high opinion of himself; he’s been force-fed too many lies. Humor is also, admittedly, a bid for attention — positive attention. His youth was spent oscillating between neglect and punishment. Children who are neglected often act out, become the class clown, etc. because they’re not receiving the attention they need. If I’m being honest, it’s painfully obvious how desperate Alistair is for meaningful connection with other people, and being funny is a way to get recognition.

For much of his life, however, it was not a way to hide his emotions, and this is where we really get into the evolution of his humor. These are changes that begin over the course of the Blight and persist afterward. Prior to the Blight — prior to being hardened and then steeled — he was fairly open with his emotions. Yes, he would close himself off from people who were actively antagonistic, but for the most part, he was upfront.

But, after everything’s said and done … He hurts. It all hurts. He lost the only family he’d ever known — the family he sacrificed everything to protect. He sacrificed his morals in the hopes of saving the world. He’s killed allies and had allies try to kill him in turn. He’s been betrayed more than once. The Alistair who stands in Denerim’s palace at the end of the Blight is not the same Alistair who stood in it before it all began. He died in that war. There’s no coming back from that.

So, his humor becomes distinctly less self-deprecating. Partly, he’s gained some confidence in his abilities, but in truth, he traded insecurity for a bit of self-loathing. Mostly, it’s because he’s now very closed off emotionally. He’s stone-faced much of the time — reluctant to laugh or smile in a way that isn’t cold. He’s still a frequent jester, but his jokes crack like whips. No warmth and comfort, only cold graveyard humor. He’s far more likely to turn sarcastic and cruel when annoyed. This is an ability he has always possessed but, again, rarely used. He’s not so patient as he once was. There are times when his old self will come out — all sunflower smiles and summer laughter — but that’s reserved for the people he loves and trusts. Or for children, even if they’re strangers. He’s much gentler and sweeter around them; he will always have a soft spot for young folks.

#higheverbled #tagging this blog cuz I know you deleted the one you sent the ask from #abuse tw #child abuse tw #neglect tw #ask to tag #god now I'm sad #long post cw #⊰ headcanon | primary ⋄ I have made mistakes; I continue to make them ⊱

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hollyhomburg · 6 years

Text

Don’t Care if it Hurts pt. 4

Dog hybrid! + Gaurd dog!Jimin x Reader) (ft.olderBrother! + Mafia boss!Namjoon)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Summary: After a rival gang makes an attempt on your life, Your older brother, the infamous leader of Seoul’s largest gang; Kim Namjoon gets you a guard hybrid; Park Jimin, The reigning champion of Seoul’s underground hybrid fighting ring.

Pairing: Jimin x Reader, mentions of Unrequited!Hoseok x Reader, unrequited!Taehyung x reader.

Warnings/tags: Past abuse, Blood, Mafia!reader, Mafia!Namjoon, Older brother!Namjoon, DogHybrid!Jimin, fighting, slow burn, general angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, Alcoholism, hurt/comfort

Wordcount: 6.2k

authors note: Hey guys! I'm so stunned by the positive responses I've gotten from everyone~ I'm so glad that everyone loves IDCIIH so much. Also- I'm nearing finals week, It’s unlikely that this story will be updated until after my finals are over.

wine mom Seokjin and Namjoon are my favorite fight me on this. also, Healthy Jimin is my kink.

Song to play during this chapter: press your number ~ taemin

It didn’t surprise you; what was waiting when your alarm went off. Jimin stretched, eyes tired from where he had taken up shop curled around your feet. “Master Namjoon left a note on your door when he left a little while ago.” He said. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and looking like he hadn’t slept a wink.

Before washing up and getting ready for your classes (which started in a few hours) you opened your door to get the note. It was one of your brother's little quirks, it made you a little happy, knowing you where the only one he’d rather talk too in person than text.

Something came up, Seokjin will cook on Friday night. Sorry. Going with Suga to Busan, Be back WEDS, Love you. – RM

You sighed rubbing the sleep out of your eyes and tucking the note into one of the drawers by your vanity.

“What was it?” Jimin asked.

“The family dinner’s going to be on Friday instead, and Namjoon’s away in Busan today with one of his men.”

“Why is he going all the way to Busan?” Jimin had been too Busan once, a very long time ago with his old master for a small fight- too see if it was worth his while to extend his spheres of influence and open up a fighting house there. But it hadn’t been worth it- the pool of fighters too small to draw in a significant crowd. He remembers the drive thought, how they passed through farmland and how he watched the sky turn from night to day the closer they got to the sea.

“Probably something to do with guns if he’s bringing Yoongi.” You answer flopping back down on your bed, “I wish I had 5 more hours to sleep.”

“You could always skip class?” he said, you shook your head.

“If I don’t go I won't leave my bed today.” He takes his suppressants with water from the tap while you tear apart your closet searching for something to accompany the spring chill and rain that’s rolled in since yesterday.

He’s not surprised that his body feels so sluggish. He’s barely gotten any sleep today, maybe he could convince you to take a nap with him later- though with Namjoon gone today- it's probably little less than safe for him to be asleep.

There’s a little extra time today- so you pour both yourself and him a bowl of cereal and eat here instead of buying street food on the way to class.“You’re really tired today?” you ask slowly. Usually, you wouldn’t comment on it but he’s leaning over his bowl looking like he wants to sleep in his cereal.

“Yeah.” He says slowly. His ears twitching in a way that lets you know that he’s uncomfortable. For the life of you-you can’t imagine why. You had thought it would have gotten better as last night he slept on the end of your bed- though you suppose your nightmare would have interrupted his sleep. You’re so wrapped in your thoughts you miss the first part of what he says. “-To be safe so I didn’t sleep…”

“What?” you ask, looking up from where you’ve been pouring yourself a coffee. Jimin’s cheeks are flushed, and he’s looking up at you through his eyelashes in the same way he does when he’s worried he’s doing something he’s not supposed too.

“Someone could come in and hurt you when you sleep- so I’ve been staying awake at night to make sure nothing happens.” He says, not meeting your eyes.

“Jimin.” You say, your heartbreaking.

“I just wanted to keep you safe- and I didn’t want to give you any reason-” any reason to make you send me back you know he was about to say.

“Jimin, I’m at my safest here- you don’t need to protect me in this house.” you touch his hand on the white marble table. “I just need you to take care of yourself, you cant go days without sleep- it’s not healthy for you.” The grandfather clock in your living room chimes the hour indicating that you only have a half an hour to make the 15-minute walk to campus.

You sigh. Jimin looks up at you. You are almost standing in-between his legs as your fingers trace a design on the back of his hand. “We have class to go to now but I’ll cancel your suit fitting so that we can come straight back today- then you are going to sleep.” Jimin nods slowly, looking at your worried face shyly.

By the time Namjoon arrives Wednesday at midnight; you have both settled into a quiet rhythm of cohabitation. You learn quickly that Jimin prefers spending the night curled around your legs as opposed to the settee or his own bedroom. He moves his clothes into your closet which has so much empty space that you hardly notice.

You start your search for your gala dress- and you have several brought up on your laptop and are waiting to order them. You postpone the fitting for Jimin’s suit with the tailors until Friday afternoon and get back just in time for the dinner- no one is there yet besides Namjoon. who’s getting ready himself when Jimin leaves to take a shower. he was surprisingly fidgety at the suit fitting today; shuffling back and forth from foot to foot while the tailor Namjoon uses measured him. And you knew without asking that he was nervous about the family dinner. You assured him best you could; attempting to dissolve his worries.

You busy yourself in putting more effort into your usual appearance. After all family dinners are a rare occurrence, and you know from past experiences that the boys usually go out afterward. Most of the time you decline Resolving to stay behind with your brother and usually Yoongi. Because of that- they are usually dressed to the nines, and you use the family dinner as an excuse to showcase the more expensive part of your wardrobe. 3 different dresses are hung up on the hooks on the bare wall that you put in for this purpose. All black, but different brands; Vercase, Prada, and Gucci. You save that choice for last and instead put on your fluffy robe.

A quiet knock comes at the door; you’re sitting at your vanity dusting a healthy amount of blush onto your cheeks. Its Jimin, looking partially undone with his white t-shirt unbuttoned, you chuckle and stand to help him with the last few buttons. He’s not wearing an undershirt underneath it- and you smile slightly. For all his knowledge and his input into your personal life- there are something’s that still remain foreign to him. The black slacks fit his toned legs nicely, and you notice that in the last week he’s put on a little bit of weight. He looks so much more healthy than when you first met. The years of stress and the black eye circles are just starting to disappear from his face. He cleans up so nicely, you do your best to not let your hands linger when you're done with his buttons, hoping that he doesn't notice your blush.

“Hoseok’s here to see you,” he says slowly. And you gulp and do your best not to look startled. You follow him into the main room to see Hoseok standing with his back against your doorway. It’s not his first time in your room but somehow it feels more like an invasion than you’re used too.

“I just wanted to talk too you” he looks fine- unchanged since the last time you’ve both talked, but his eyes flicker to Jimin and you wonder for a second if Hoseok suspects he was listening in the other day. Jimin’s eyes flicker up to yours.

“Are you alright or should I wait for you before I go down?” his eyes flicker to Hoseok who bristles angrily at what Jimin suggests. of course, you’d be fine with Hoseok.

“She’s safe with me- go too your master.” He snaps, Jimin turns steely for a second and you want to reach out to him- to ask him to stay before he turns and leaves your room.

“That wasn’t kind,” you say to Hoseok, turning and walking back into your closet, studiously ignoring him while you settle back into your vanity. Several drawers are pouring with Jimin’s clothing. Hoseok notices this and picks up a pair of his track pants, before throwing them in the bin angrily.

“You’re letting him stay in your room.”

“Yes, he felt like it would make it easier to protect me,” you say brazenly, eyes flickering to meet his in the mirror. His tone is a little too accusatory for your liking.

“Oh yeah, I’m sure protecting you is the only thing on his mind.”

“And last time I checked it’s got nothing to do with you.” Hoseok fiddles with your dresses on the wall, looking back at you. and you are more than a little surprised to see him so sad. He inhales a shaky breath. “This really is a mess isn't it?” he gestures in between the two of you.

and you nod, “We’re supposed to be friends, Hoseok, I can handle you being a little jealous, but what you said the other day was a little out of line.”

“I’m sorry- I should have respected your decision, what you do with him isn’t any of my concern.”

“It’s alright,” you say, brushing on some eyeliner with careful precision.

“I’m sorry for what I said the other day, it was out of line.” He says quietly, his long fingers have grabbed onto a strand of your neatly curled hair twining it around his fingers. “I’m still not used to seeing you with other people.”

“It’s been a long time Hoseok,” will you ever let it go? You want to ask, as you spin and meet him, he lets go of the strand of your hair, and you realize how close he’s standing.

“I just want things to go back to the way things were, I want to be your friend again- the way we were before anything between us happened.” You swallow back the lump in your through; Thinking back to your harsh words that were said so many months ago. It’s nearly been 2 years- and not once since that night have you broached the topic. If there was ever any flirty girlish part of you that wanted to be with Hoseok it’s gone, squelched out by the events of the last few months.

If there’s one thing that is so close to death so many times has taught you it’s what you need. And in that moment you are sure that Hoseok it’s it. And maybe Jimin isn’t- maybe no one is exactly what you need. But regardless, Hoseok has been hoping for something that will never come for far too long.

At this point, it was nearly cruelty.

“I want to be friends too.” You say slowly, and you sound as confident as you can. “I want to go back to the way we were before.” he embraces you quickly and quietly. And the hug is full of so many unshed emotions that his hands shake.

“I’m glad that we can finally talk about this.” He says against your hair.

“I am too” You look down at his feet. “I’ll see you down there,” you say as you wander over to your jewelry box. Intent on finally using some of the diamond studs that Namjoon gave you this Chrismas.

“You look beautiful, by the way,” Hoseok says doing his best to make his statement casual, but you can't help but think that he say’s it like it might be his last chance. Even so the complement which would usually make you feel nothing, makes you feel awkward.

“Thanks.” You say, and he smiles softly before leaving. The door too your suite closes and when it does you put your head in your hands and sigh. You flick through the rolls and rolls of rings, the isles of necklaces. Some of the jewelry is from your mother, others have been handed down but most are from your brother (who just loves to spoil you with his blood money.)

You look around and realize that none of this, none of the anxiety you get when your brother disappears for days at a time, is worth the pretty little things in your closet, or the jewels in the box. No amount of riches is worth the feeling you get when the people you love come back with cuts that turn into scars. You’d rather have a mediocre existence than live in this big lonely house and have more money than you know what to do with.

Downstairs, no one has arrived yet- its only Jimin and Namjoon, who teeters slowly. Namjoon is already cracking open a bottle of wine and pouring it into a glass. “I have whiskey somewhere but y/n and Jin love this stuff.” Jimin makes a noise in the back of his throat. It’s the first time he and Namjoon have been alone since the car ride and Jimin has to admit he looks more like a tired businessman than a mafia boss.

Jimin is glad that you took the time after his suit fitting to buy him a less expensive suit for him. Namjoon looks expensive. His light blue velvet suit coat contrasts blends perfectly with the white shirt and dark blue pants he wears. Next to him in colors of black and white, Jimin feels almost bland.

“I’ve never had wine before,” Jimin admits softly. Namjoon’s eyes are wide, but they slide off of Jimin in a way that lets him know he’s realizing why he’s never had alcohol.

“That’s fine- there’s more than enough to share.” Says a voice from the doorway. This man is different than the others. Where most of the gang members have looked almost playfully rugged, like Hoseok, this man has angelic features and wide shoulders.

The black button-down shirt and the colorfully embroidered jacket are at odds with his warm skin and hair. Jimin thinks in the moment before he stoops to grab the bags laden with food from him, that he looks more like a supermodel than a gangster.

“I’m Seokjin.” The man says with a smile as Jimin helps him unload the food on to the counter. Some of them are still warm while others look ready to be cooked. The smile he gives Jimin as he helps is easy and elastic. “I’ve heard a lot about you Jimin.”

Jimin isn’t sure if it’s the man’s angelic expression or his kindness that makes his cheekbones spark with blush. But luckily for the both of them the front door thunders open, and all Jimin knows that Taehyung howling in delight as Hoseok and Jungkook carry him in on his broken leg, his cast sticking out from under a pair of dress shorts. Seokjin laughs a windshield wiper laugh as Yoongi mimes shooting all of them with Taehyung’s leg as the gun. Jimin smiles, pressing the back of his hand against his mouth to hide it as they laugh.

They deposit Taehyung on the kitchen counter. Instantly chatter ensues, someone grabs a bottle of whiskey. “You got any mixers boss? Jungkook asks, Namjoon nods his head in the direction of the mini bar. And the youngster disappears with Hoseok.

“Hyung- when is the food going to be ready?” Taehyung wines as Yoongi signs his cast with a sharpie, (doodling something that looks kind of like a scratchy bird) Seokjin twines an apron around his waist.

“Some of the veggies still have to cook, you could help me you know- might make it go faster.”

Taehyung wines and slumps over the countertop. “But that would be workkkk” Jungkook produces 3 glasses of something that looks suspiciously like absinthe. Seokjin moves to slap him on the shoulder with the back of a spatula. “You could always help and make it go faster you ungrateful little shit- if the lot of you weren’t such a wreck I’d let you use my kitchen.”

“How can you hit an invalid? You’re so mean!”

“’Scuse me.” Namjoon says, smiling warily, “but I think you’re forgetting who owns this house.”

“Irrelevant” Seokjin replies, “This is still my kitchen.” The easy banter is a sound that Jimin appreciates, and the smiles that stretch across all of their faces is almost lulling. How could these men be dangerous? Appearances were deceiving- Jimin knew that much But the easy atmosphere was already easing his anxiety away. He starts to feel less And less like he was waiting for one of them to ask something of him- to order him around or away.

You had assured him earlier that he would be expected to eat with them and that if any of them tried to talk down to him that he should tell you. You had also added that you didn’t think they would. Despite their profession, Namjoon’s inner circle weren’t the type to judge or mistreat anyone without provocation you had told him. At first, he had been worried- but now he was starting to see why he had no reason to be.

“Ah where is y/n I need some help cutting up the broccoli- I trust none of you with the knives,” Seokjin complained.

Taehyung turns to Jimin, “yeah where is my girlfriend?” half of the boys snort at this interpretation. Though Hoseok is one of the few who remains stoic.

“I turned you down last week Taehyung- and the week before that, and that.” Everyone turns to look at where you’ve appeared in the doorway.

Jimin has to reign in his heart with the way that it's beating frantically against his chest. Because damn it- you look like you’ve been made for him. With your hair in loose waves, and your black lace dress- a mischievous and seductive patter that curls around the shoulders and top. Your outfit would be nearly demure if it wasn’t for the way that it curled around your hips and chest, highlighting the very best of your features. The diamonds that glitter against your ears are not half as dazzling as the grin you send their way. The only pop of color on you is your lips- painted red to match the bottoms of your shoes.

“dammmnnnnn” Taehyung lets out, and Jimin has to stop and realize that his tail is wagging Namjoon has noticed Jimin’s behavior. But you distract him. Walking in-between the two of them to snag a wine glass from your brother.

“Pick your jaw off of the floor you dog.” Yoongi snaps, slapping Tae across the chest, his gaze drifting to Jimin a second after Jimin flinches, “sorry Jimin- I meant Tae.” He says in a rush. The uncomfortable situation is remedied by Jungkook who raises his mixed drink.

“Don’t you want to try it y/n?” you snort, plucking an already uncorked expensive bottle from the table before filling your empty glass.

“The last time I had one of your concoctions- I woke up on the other side of the city and found I had accidentally joined a girl gang.”

“Did you really?” Jimin asks, amusement thudding at the corners of his mouth. Your ruby smile wraps around the ring of the wineglass

“Unfortunately for them, I’m a one-woman gang-“ Namjoon scratches the back of his neck at the memory, trying to hide his grin in his wineglass.

“That certainly was a debacle.” You go to stand by Seokjin as the conversation shifts.

“Tell me how I can help.” You ask, and Seokjin hands you a spoon and you sets you stirring a sauce that still needs to thickening. Jungkook drags Jimin into a game with Taehyung and Hoseok that seems to be about slapping the other without being slapped and their laughter ripples off the high ceilings. All of them are enamored with Jimin’s quick reflexes.

He grasps the concepts of it easily- and quickly beats all of them. You toss a grin over your shoulder and catch Hoseok’s eye by accident but your smile doesn’t falter. You know he see’s you looking at the hybrid but you can’t tear your eyes away from the group of them. He gives you a disapproving look and turns. Then He’s back to his smiling self and you watch as that sunshine filled grin spreads to Jimin- it’s infectious.

You’re glad that for once Hoseok is treating Jimin more as one of your family- he is becoming apart of your little unit you realize, with every day he gets more comfortable and more warmed up. You wonder if after a few months he’ll even flinch when someone raises an arm too fast. You want that for him you realize. You want him to be comfortable and to erase the tension and suspicion that’s been put on his shoulders from years of abuse.

Your hand stops stirring. Seokjin casts a glance at you, his eyes dawning with a realization that you can’t place. He glances to Namjoon- who’s chatting to Yoongi completely oblivious too whats going on in his own house. “Jimin-ah.” He calls as their game comes to a finish. “Can you help y/n set the table?”

Things are surprisingly easy over dinner, with everyone enjoying the expensive wine from Namjoon’s personal cellar and the food that is warm and absolutely delicious. Jimin complements and thanks, Seokjin more than once as he attempts to try every dish. You tease him lightly- asking him if he’d like a larger plate so that he can fit everything. You sit directly to his left. Under the table, your leg accidentally brushes his and you both flinch back. The tableware is laced with gold and the spoons are so shiny that Jimin is worried about scratching them.

“So I hear that you could put any of us on the floor in a few seconds.” Taehyung grins at Jimin, his tone playful. If there’s any darkness in it or hidden meaning behind his words they are lost on Jimin. Jimin shrugs and appraises the group with a shrug.

“Probably” his eyes flicker to the youngest member at the end of the table. “Though I’ve only really fought Jungkook.” Jungkook grimaces; remembering how it felt to have been put on the floor no doubt.

“Just remember I’m better than all you motherfuckers.” He sips his drink defiantly. The youngest points a finger at the other men.

“Ah you know that’s not fair all of us have our own strengths-“ Hoseok admonishes.

“Everyone’s got their job.” You say, and across the table, Hoseok grins at you. Biting his tongue in a way that lets you know he’s got a biting reply but is holding back.

“What is your job? What is it that all you do in the gang?” Namjoon at the head of the table looks taken aback by Jimin’s sudden question. But with a quick nod and a sweeping gesture too Seokjin at his right, the man puts down his glass of wine.

“I guess I’m the medic- I fix most problems that aren’t major, and I handle our books, and make sure no money goes where it shouldn’t.”

“I’d be lost without my human calculator,” Namjoon says.

“It’s not my job if you break every piece of electronics that you touch” Seokjin rolls his eyes. It’s only been one dinner- but Jimin can see why Seokjin is Namjoon’s second. There is something about the man that is almost steadying, and Jimin decides that he likes him.

“That’s a little bit different than what I trade in.” Jungkook groans, and slaps Tae’s shoulder.

“You’re so dramatic hyung.”

“What do you trade in?” Jimin asks.

“Don’t indulge him.” You tell him, but Tae leans across the table, appraising Jimin over the edge of his gold-rimmed glasses,

“Mostly drugs” Taehyung winks, “but I also trade in secrets.” His grin is cocky and mischievous before he goes back to his food.

Yoongi stretches his back lacing his fingers behind his head. “I’m the weapons expert- it doesn’t matter what it is; shotgun, desert eagle, bazooka. If I can get it in my hand's nothing stands a chance.” Jimin shivered at how proud he sounded, proud of being a killer.

“What’s your longest kill shot now?” You ask idly. You don’t seem to be bothered by his calloused approach toward murder. Yoongi smirks knocking back his drink.

“950 yards last week.”

“No way…” you grin appreciatively.

“We should hit the range sometime- I hope you haven’t been sloppy.”

“You know I haven’t picked up a gun since our last training session.”

“Everyone needs to know how to defend themselves.” Jimin interrupts. And there is a little uptick in his pulse as he interrupts your banter. But no one tells him to keep his mouth shut or that he should leave the talking to the humans. They only nod along- Namjoon especially.

“I agree,” Jungkook says, gesturing at the table with a waspish movement. “You already know what I do, but I’m also an enforcer with Hoseok.” His eyes flash to Hoseok as they share a glance, “we make sure people pay their debts.” Directly across from you, Hoseok leans back, crossing his arms.

“My profession is a little more explosive than theirs. When Namjoon needs a distraction I provide it, whether that’s a fire or a bomb is up too Namjoon. I’m also a getaway driver.”

Namjoon leans back, smiling at his friends. “And a damn good one.” You snort.

“A damn good one that spends half his spare time doing doughnuts in abandoned parking lots.” though it might seem vapid, your grin lets them all know that you’re just teasing.

“Do you forget who taught you how to drive?” You feel warm and fuzzy, the wine makes your bones relax- makes you brave enough to tease him and reestablish your friendship so soon after your conversation.

“Yes- and you almost killed me doing it.”

“Everyone should know how to weave in and out of traffic.”

“Commuting to college isn’t drag racing. Hoseok.”

“What about other skills- what else can you do besides shoot and drive?” Jungkook asks his smile equally as teasing as yours.

“Jeeze when you put it like that we don’t sound like much at all,” Yoongi comments sarcastically.

Namjoon grins- “I like it, we could all handle being chopped down- ya need to stay humble.” Jimin can tell by the flush covering his master’s cheeks that he’s beginning to feel more than a little tipsy.

“You could too you know- walking in with that dress acting like you’re innocent,” Hoseok says, his eyes on yours, his smile is lopsided as he crosses his arms.

Besides him, Taehyung makes a noise of ascent. “It’s so unfair- you sure you won't let us take you out?”

“You’re either being fake or real with me and I can’t decide which one pisses me off more.” Your eyes narrow, and you teeter on the edge between joking and flirting.

“Thanks for narrowing it down for me sweetheart.”

“Keep talking, the more you do, the more I want to put you in your place.” Jimin had never seen you like this. As you leaned forward holding your glass of wine- looking exactly like the little devil everyone thought you where. Hoseok leaned in across from you giving you the smirk that must have gotten him laid time and time again.

“Oh you know I’d love you see you try.”

“Guys.” Namjoon said, looking about as comfortable as butter in a knife factory, “stop flirting with my sister before I’m convinced I need to separate you from your favorite part of your body.”

“Sorry boss” Taehyung smirked, his bandaged leg propped up on the chair next to him. “You know how we love to tease.” No one brought attention to the fact that Taehyung hadn’t been the one doing most of the flirting with you. The shrill ring of Tae’s cellphone knocked everyone out of conversation, he answered it smoothly, not bothering to get up from the dinner table. Everyone went quiet. After a moment he passed it onto Namjoon. Taehyung ran a finger along his lips. Sighing looking down at his food. He looked up, shaking his head at Jungkook across the table.

“Yes.” He said into the phone, you and Jimin looked on ominously. Namjoon made a noise of agreement and ran his fingers through his hair, standing. He hung up the phone after a second.

“The shipment?” Yoongi asked Namjoon nodded. Yoongi puts his napkin beside his drink.

“Our informants think that the X’s are going to try to hit our shipment within the hour.” Jimin watched you as you swirl your wine silently, your eyes downcast. He wonders if you know your brother's plans. If he ever confides in you about what the gang is doing. He probably should and probably does. But with the way that they talk to you sometimes- Jimin wonders how much you know. It is no doubt in an effort to keep you safe, but recent events have probably thrown that out the window.

“Set a trap or divert the shipment?” Jungkook asked Namjoon’s eyes flickered once to Jimin and you before he turned to Hoseok. Jimin remembered what he had said before- that he specialized in arson and explosives.

“Do you have enough time for both?”

Hoseok nodded. “We need to move now though.”

“Then what are we still doing here,” Yoongi says standing up from the table. Everyone else followed, the food forgotten. You ran your fingers through your hair as you listen to them plan the attack that would likely end in a loss of life. So much for your family dinner. Namjoon leaned down, pressing a kiss to your temple.

“Don’t wait up.” You twiddled your wine glass in your hand and made a noncommittal noise finally getting up to follow them- though you only want to watch them go you stand in the doorway as You watch your brother get into a sleek black car with Yoongi, as Hoseok and Seokjin get into Seokjin’s car only with Hoseok in the front seat. Taehyung is calling someone to take him back to the hospital while his leg is propped up on a garden bench.

Hoseok rolls down the window and tosses Jungkook the keys for the motorcycle propped close too the steps. “Hurt her and you’re dead.” He says, before starting rolling up the window.

The compound was buzzing with movement, and you watched as lights from the apartment building flickered on. You watch your family leave with a sour feeling in your stomach that had nothing to do with the fancy wine you’ve drank. Jimin is hovering behind you- just close enough that you can feel the heat radiating off of his body. You slipped off your Louis Vuitton’s and sighed as your aching arches touched the floor cold floor. You wrap your arms around yourself as the spring chill invades the doorway.

He doesn’t speak until Tae is gone too, he sends you a jerky wave as the black limo pulls up and some low-level members help him in.

“Are you alright?” He asked softly, you shook your head and downed the rest of your wine still looking into your driveway- watching it almost as if you thought Namjoon would pull back in and tell you that everyone else could handle it. “Come on.” He said grabbing your hand and tugging it gently to make you follow him. He stopped by the kitchen- grabbing the already uncorked bottles of wine that would go bad before heading up the stairs. He leads you not to your shared room but too the work out room and the deck. You looked out over the edge of the railing while he removed the cover of the hot tub. You don’t say anything until he starts to remove his suit jacket.

“Jimin.” You said, a note of warning in your voice, he ignores you and slips off his shoes and socks. Wordlessly, he holds out a hand for you, “the chlorine could ruin my dress.”

“Come on.”

“It's Vercarse.”

“You and I both know own 5 others exactly like it” You let him lead you into the knee-deep burbling water. The Jets making the hot water fizz as steam lifted off the surface. His white shirt gets soaked as he sinks into the warm water. It turns translucent as it clings to his toned chest and stomach. You hand him your empty wine glass and take the nearly full bottle from his grasp.

“I’m trusting you to make sure I don’t drown.” His grin is nearly feral with mischievousness, and you can tell he’s trying to lighten the mood, and his words are as sweet as ever.

“I’ll always keep your head above water.”

“I don’t know,” you grin, “you looked about ready to kill me after that suit fitting today.” He turns and sets the glass down on a stable surface.

“I’d never dream of it,” you make the move to sit close too him. There are no prying eyes here. No Namjoon to wonder why underneath the water you sling your legs over his; which are still clothed in soaking wet dress pants. No Hoseok to look at you with a questioning air when you take your hybrids hands in yours to run your fingers over his scarred knuckles that have finally healed.

The only light comes from the one beneath the pool, and in the darkness- it almost feels like he’s not be beholden to you at all. It almost feels like you’re just there- two ordinary people, enjoying company in sadness- with only the stars as witnesses.

Jimin tucks you into bed after drying off your dress and plugging in your phone- before he leaves you softly snoring. He disposes of the empty wine bottles in the trashcan in the kitchen. Someone’s been in to clear the table of the meal you barely shared. Jimin heard them earlier and recognized the scents enough to not be worried about who was in the house.

Outside the crickets chirp as the familiar hum of Namjoon’s car fills the driveway. He can hear The faint sound of the others arriving quietly too- at least they’re as quiet as they can be at nearly 3 in the morning- each going to their respective houses. Jimin hears him stumble against the doorframe. “Master Namjoon…” Jimin says, hovering in the doorway.

For the first time- Jimin understands why people call him Monster- he’s never met someone who had a knack for getting covered in quite that much blood. It’s everywhere, staining half his face and coloring his usually silver blond hair crimson, his white button down is torn in places and his fancy light blue velvet coat is matted and looks almost purple. Namjoon glances up at him. And Jimin sees his pupils are dilated- High? Drunk? Or bloodthirsty? Jimin doesn’t know.

“Is y/n…?” his eyes flicker back to the kitchen for a second. And Namjoon has the sense to look wary until Jimin shakes his head.

“She drank herself too sleep after you left.” Namjoon stumbles forward and Jimin catches him before he hits the ground.

“You’re not supposed to let her do that…” he slurs, Jimin starts to half carry half lead the older man up the stairs- recognizing the twinge of whiskey on his breath before he can check to see if any of the blood is his masters.

“I don’t think I could have stopped her if I tried.” His master’s room is heavily masculine- with modern minimalist edges except for a few old picture frames on a wall. Some of them are of a man and a woman that Jimin doesn’t recognize but more of them are of you. You looked adorable when you were young. He likes one photo especially- a picture of a child you holding a stuffed animal next to a teenage Namjoon- obviously won at a fair. His pause almost makes Namjoon fall face first onto the floor- Jimin narrowly avoids further staining the carpet with blood (though they’re already leaving footprints.

He leaves Namjoon under a stream of Luke warm water- not feeling vindictive enough to put him under cold before going to the house phone. He picks it up, listening to the dial tone for a moment before he realizes that he doesn’t know the number to call. He glances at his watch- and decides that its enough of an emergency- he presses the lowercase p and his watch rings once before a female voice answers.

“Hi um- this is Jimin calling from master Namjoon’s house,”

“I know sweaty.” The old woman drones annoyed- probably bothered that Jimin is calling so late.

“I-um, I don’t know the cleaners number and I was hoping you’d be able to tell me.”

“What’s the nature of the mess?” She asks, and he glances at the carpet- picking out a bit of what can only be brain matter that fell from Namjoon’s clothing.

“Master Kim spilled a whole bottle of wine.”

“Cleaning staff will be there within the hour.” The old lady says as Jimin returns to the bathroom to see Namjoon passed out against the wall. His hair is pinned too his face and Jimin can see his roots from here. Standing above him- feeling lost and more than a little overwhelmed.

“Thank you,” he says into the speaker on his smartwatch, but the blinking numbers tell him that they’ve already hung up.

The Dress:

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