#i don't want other people to see it and identify it with me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sophieinwonderland · 2 days

Note

The problem isn’t plurality. The problem is the language around DID from plural communities and even the DID community. People who have DID but are in denial may take much longer to accept the diagnosis and work to better understand themselves because they may not be able to relate to how it’s spoken about in online spaces. Particularly people who do not feel comfortable viewing themselves as multiple identities in one. Although that is the most popular representation in both media and online spaces, more often than not that isn’t actually the lived experience. You just don’t see that representation as much because people with it are much less likely to talk about it due to the shame they have around it. Shame is often a major component of surviving trauma. Shame and dissociation go hand in hand. Nuance and awareness are both so important in these types of conversations. It’s sort of similar to how in the autistic community there’s a major lack of representation from nonverbal autistics, despite them making up at least 25% of the total community. The lack of representation doesn’t mean we can pretend to lack awareness of their existence.

I know you don’t believe you’re causing any harm but I’m sorry to say that you are. Which isn’t to say that no harm isn’t also being done to you. It’s just not such a black and white matter. I’m not speaking on behalf of anti-endos. I agree- it’s stupid to hate on a group of people for how they identify. I’m speaking on behalf of highly traumatized individuals who may be looking for answers and wind up getting lost and more confused.

I’m sorry if my intentions with messaging got lost in translation at all. I have a learning disability that affects my ability to process and organize language.

Thanks for the clarification, and sorry for misunderstanding your earlier post.

So let's address this.

Is this a problem?

A problem with this whole topic is, first, that I think we need to see some statistics.

And preferably recent statistics because I think identity has changed a lot in the last 40 years. Maybe there's a silent majority of people with DID who don't view themselves as multiple identities/people offline and are getting spoken over. But I would want to see evidence of that.

Even if some studies from the 80s or 90s showed that most people with DID didn't view themselves as separate people/identities, the advent of the internet age and ability to find community with others with DID likely impacted the culture around the disorder.

Even if this is the case...

Is this our problem?

End of the day, I'm a tulpa identifying as a tulpa. It seems kind of silly to me to think someone with DID would see me, a tulpa who is also plural, decide that because I'm a plural tulpa and people with DID are plural and they don't relate to me, that they can't have DID.

There are a lot of leaps there and most don't make much sense.

And all while the presentations you say are harmful are just as common in anti-endo spaces. Seriously, look at DID TikTok. Almost all anti-endo, and all presenting the way you say is a problem. And with much larger influence than myself.

So this issue, if it is an issue, isn't because of the inclusive plural community, and would clearly exist without it.

I don't think the plural label has anything to do with it.

Community Comparisons:

One of the main mantras you'll find in the plural community is that if you feel plural, you probably are plural. Every system is valid, no matter how distinct your headmates feel. Terms like "median system" were coined to denote systems who feel in between multiple and singlet, and still fall under the plural umbrella.

Meanwhile, the DID community is rife with fakeclaiming and gatekeeping of anyone who doesn't meet whatever arbitrary criteria armchair psychologists made up. All while, again, exhibiting the same types of traits you point to the plural community for. (And yes, you do say "even the DID community" does that. I just think you're underselling it a bit.)

Hard Truth: There will always be DID systems who won't relate to presentations of DID

DID, while having core traits in the way that there will be other agents or parts that can takeover, and there will be some sort of amnesia (under the DSM) is incredibly diverse in presentation.

Kluft wrote a paper outlining about 20 common presentations of DID he identified back in the 90s.

And it can only be assumed that more presentations have been identified since.

The reality is that not every presentation will be represented. Not everyone will be able to relate to every single person with their disorder. And there are going to be some people with rarer, or at least less popular presentations online or in pop culture, who are going to feel underrepresented.

Personally, I think starting from a place of "if you feel plural, you're plural" is going to benefit far more DID systems than it would harm, giving them space to explore their connections with their headmates regardless of how similar or how distinct those headmates feel.

It doesn't matter if they're people, parts, facets, voices or whatever else they decide to identify them as.

There are a lot of things that we don't relate to the majority of other plurals about. But I think the solution is to normalize being able to identify with something without necessarily having to relate to every experience under the umbrella.

#syscourse #pro endogenic #pro endo #plural #plurality #multiplicity #sysblr #system #systems

28 notes · View notes

fancylala4 · 1 day

Note

I saw some of you anti Ts posts they are funny and I need to Rant. sorry.

I am so FUCKING sick and TIRED of being relatable being cool! Fuck! If I wanna listen to someone they need to sound good! Way better than ME! Why is being average so overhyped! Bring back actual talent! Bring back people who can sing! Really sing. I want to be awestruck. I want to me in mesmerized. For fuckss sake Taylor Swift is only that popular because she is average and these swifties identify with her.

And fucking hell I AM SO TIRED of this bitch! I am so tired that they act like only her achievements count and as if achievements of other artists don't fucking count!

The Weeknd has a song with 4Billion streams on Spotify.

Drake has one song with 3 Billion and one with 2 Billion

Post Malone has one with 3 Billion and two with 2 Billion

Dua Lipa has four with 2 Billion

Justin Bieber has 3 with 2 Billion and 1 with 3 Billion

Coldplay has 3 with 2 Billion

Bruno Mars has 3 songs with 2 Billion

Ed Sheeran has 3 songs with 2 Billion and 1 song with 3 Billion

Taylor fucking Swift just recently as one song with 2 Billion streams! ONE! if she is so big? Why doesn't she have more? I can answer you this. Because her stupid fans only care about first week streams. They care about getting her on the chart. That is what spotify and billboard pushes. These morons will mass play her music all night so it get streams. It's so embarrassing.

If she didn't release shit constantly and her stans weren't some pathetic losers wanting her to chart so she just charts there is no WAY in fucking hell she could compete with todays artists.

Fucking hell and they compare her to Michael Jackson! Taylor Swift does not have the LONGEVITY. SHE DOES NOT. Not Mariah Careys, Britney Spears, Elton John or the Beatles. There's more but here's a few.

Michael Jackson had a top ten hit in 5 DIFFERENT DECADES. ( 6 if you count the Jackson 5) And probably will have another one after the biopic comes out!

If Taylor Swift would do this she would have to be able to have a TOP TEN HIT in 2030 and 2040. There is no way she would be doing this.

Mariah Carey in 4 DECADES SINCE THE 90'S!

Britney Spears the same as Mariah!

Elton John in four from the 70's- 20's missing the 00's and 10's.

The Beatles in the 60's 70's 90's and 20's.

Like i hate it so much how much this woman is pushed! And swifties gon act like as if she is the only artist being this succesful! SHE IS NOT! It's more impressive that Rihanna still gets high streams beside not releasing anything for YEARS! BTCH i wanna see Taylor Swift not releasing anything for 7 Years and see where she's at. Let's find out. But this woman is to coward to ever do that. She is so damn desperate for validation it's embarrassing.

HOW THE FUCK IS SHE NOT EMBARRASSED WINNING ALL THESE AWARDS OVER PEOPLE WHO ARE 10 TIMES MORE TALENTED THAN HER?!

This btch is absolutely not humble because i would be embarrassed. Literally. It's like how can you shit as tour gain so much money when you know you can't dance and are a mid singer.

And these faces of acting shocked when she wins an award! With that open mouth and GOD! Yes we get it you won again "suprisingly."

How the fuck does she have more AOTYs than any other fucking artist ever? How the fuck does this mediocre ass woman have more than Janet, Michael Jackson, Amy Winehouse, Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey, Stevie Wonder.

And don't let me start on her victim card that she has used has her brand since fucking Kanye West had to go up on stage and embarrass her. He literally started this whole shit. You can never criticise her for anything. Because if you do you are a misogynist who just hates succesful women. She's always the fuckin victim and swifties romanticize it so much! They want her to be this struggling underdog who rose to fame cause that is what fits their damn wattpad story!

Taylor Swift wants to be the Man. She wouldn't be as succeaful if she was a man. Point blank period. Her shield to protect her self from any criticism wouldn't work. The only thing she has to be oppressed about is being a woman thats why her and swifties milk it so fuccking hard!!!

Thanks, and it’s ok. This whole blog is just a bunch of rants anyways.

But everything you said was true. I didn’t know she of all people have more aoty awards than those you mentioned. This just proves that the Grammys are a joke.

#asks #anon #anti taylor swift

20 notes · View notes

acey-wacey · 3 hours

Note

Hello! Can I request a sunflower with Silver?

I typically don't allow anons on events but this prompt was just too cute, I couldn't resist! Thank you so much for your support!

...

Pairing - Silver x Reader

Prompt - Childhood Friends

...

"Hello."

Silver blinked his eyes open to see a fuzzy figure hovering over him. He didn't even notice he had closed his eyes in the first place. And he was trying so hard to stay awake for the first day of primary school.

"Hi," the figure prodded. As Silver pawed at his groggy eyes, his vision cleared to reveal a child, about his age standing over him with a curious look. His head was propped up against the cubbies. He must have fallen asleep during reading time again.

"Hello," Silver responded, blinking at the person who had woken him up.

"You fell asleep during reading," you said, cocking your head at the sleepy boy with curiosity. "Don't worry though, I asked Miss Lilac so many questions so she would be too distracted to be mad at you."

He just stared blankly at you.

"It's lunch time now. Everybody else already left," you continued. "What's your name?"

"I'm Silver," Silver said through a tiny yawn. You plopped down in front of him cross-legged.

"I'm Y/N," you said and took your little backpack off your little shoulders. You unpacked your princess lunchbox while Silver watched inquisitively. When you looked back up at the boy in front of you, you furrowed your brows. "Don't you have a lunch?"

"Yeah," Silver mumbled quietly. "Why are you here if everybody's gone for lunch?"

"Miss Lilac always lets me stay in the classroom for lunch," you said as you began unpacking your sandwich, apple slices, oat bar, and baby carrots. A lunch fit for a little kid. "Nobody else wants to sit with me so it's more fun to just stay in here."

Silver stared at you for a moment before reaching for his own backpack.

"I'll sit next to you," he said with a small smile. You face immediately lit up.

"Really?" you exclaimed with glee. Before he could react, Silver was buried in a hug. You nuzzled your face into the side of his cheek with a smile. "You're my best friend now, Silver."

"I've never had a best friend before," Silver said plainly as you pulled away, back to your original criss-cross. "What do best friends do?"

"Weeeelll..." you dragged the word out for a long time. "They eat lunch together."

"We're already doing that."

"Yeah, that's why we're already best friends!" you almost yelled, so excited by the prospect of having a best friend that you forgot the manners your mom had taught you. "They also share a bunch of stuff."

You held up a couple of your apple slices to Silver.

"Here."

Silver took the apples and nibbled on them as he unpacked his own lunch which was a Tupperware full of something you couldn't identify.

"I would share some of my lunch with you but I don't think you can eat it," Silver said sheepishly.

"What do you mean?"

"My father made my lunch for me, but I don't think it's people food."

"Is your dad a person?" you asked. Silver had to think about it.

"I don't know. I'll ask him when I get home."

"Can I come with you?" you asked eagerly. Silver looked surprised.

"Come home with me?"

"Yeah!" you bounced up and down from your seat on the floor. "Best friends do that too! They go to each other's houses and they have playdates."

"Sure, if my father says yes."

"Yay!" It seemed like your excitement was bursting out of you. You could barely keep still but you wanted to keep sitting next to your new best friend. "Maybe we can get married at your house!"

"I don't think kids are allowed to get married," Silver said with a confused look. "It's only for grown-ups."

"Okay, then, when we're grown-ups, we have to have a playdate and get married."

"Okay!" Silver said, a smile on his face. "Pinky promise."

You broke out in a grin almost too big for your face.

"Pinky promise."

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #twst #disneytw #silver twisted wonderland #silver twisted wonderland x reader #silver x reader #silver #nyx's solarium

15 notes · View notes

cupofteainme · 2 days

Text

I've been so happy with queer representation in Young Royals. I also have notes. Here are some musings about season three.

We didn't get to see many ripple effects of Wille coming out in the show, but trust me, the world changed the moment he held that speech at the end of season two.

Nils and Stedrica

Nils found the courage to come out to his best friends. We don't know how much he was directly affected by Wilhelm. The common struggle with restrictions and the the graduation seemed to tighten the bond between August, Vincent and Nils. Honesty was a strong thread of the season. Wille's confession inspired students to come forward about iniations, later even August yelled at people to stop arguing and to just be sad about Hillerska closing—to be honest about their feelings.

We can make a mental leap and say that Nils was affected by these events and found his courage to be more honest. He also complimented Wille on his bravery and asked the prince if he regretted coming out and Wille answered with a firm no.

I liked how Nils said that he 'sleeps with guys'. You could see how hard it was for him to tell him friends. In season two Nils uses the word 'gay' about himself to Wille. I like how YR shows how people can use different definitions of themselves in different situations or choose to be unlabeled. I got a feeling that this was a huge first step on Nils' journey to accept that part of himself.

Stella and Fredrika are minor characters so they didn't get much screentime regarding their romance. Them ending up together was motivated by something the show explored in season two with Simon, Marcus and Wilhelm—jealousy. While I enjoyed Rosh being frustrated with her gaydar, Stedrica's arc left me wanting. In season two, Stella told Sara that she hesitates to make a move on Fredrica in fear of losing her beast friend if they break up later and things get awkward.

In season three we weren't shown what made Stella feel like she and Fredrica have a good enough chance to succeed in their relationship to put their friendship on the line. It's a shame. I would have loved to see some character development.

The audience is introduced to the sexual side of Stedrica straight after the white party when emotions ran high, Rosh was there to hit more on Stella and the teens were drinking and partying their hearts out. At the time of Stedrica's hook-up Wilmon were broken up, demonstrating exactly what Stella was afraid of—losing the other person completely. We can say that Wilmon didn't set up an encouraging example for them.

Even though Frederica's face looks blissful with Stella, I'm left wondering, am I supposed to read their kissing as a passing fancy that they can play down as part of their friendship again. ("every girl makes out with her best friend while drunk")

I was hoping for some connection to the main story with their arc. It could have been something with honesty, one remark from Stella to Madison for example: "I can't keep lying to my best friend."

Choosing the foundation

Queer matters were lifted to the table and discussed in the scene where Wille needs to pick his charity. Good for Simon for encouraging Wille to use his platform. I especially loved hearing that Wille knows how his love for Simon is changing the world. Not bad for a sixteen year old who's been out of the closet for five seconds.

Let me say this clearly: Queer people don't have to represent a group they identify with, not even Crown Prince Wilhelm. A young person's identity is rarely so strong yet, that they have the strength to carry the public's negative reactions. We saw how much online hate hurt Simon. He and Wille both have the right to protect their identities and relationship. Simon deserved better help with his social media.

Wille told Simon in season one that he doesn't want to say anything (referring to the sex video). At the end of season two, Wille took it back in his speech, but his attitude didn't change. It was a part Wille wanted to keep as private as he could. Over time, Wille could talk about both his mental health and his queerness more openly and in a way that would affect change. He has time to do so when he grows up.

I thought that the pressure for Wille to use his queer identity for good press would have come from the monarchy. It was mentioned once when Farima talked about new royalists and then dropped altogether.

I don't know why YR wanted to differ from the real Swedish monarchy in this instant and rule out LGBTQIA topics as political, when in real life the Crown Princess has taken a stand for them. (Plot reasons, duh, but it's irritating. I was under the impression that for example the amount of LGBTQIA rights and the discrimination LGBTQIA people face are on the same level in real life Sweden and in the YR universe. When one detail doesn't match, it makes the whole foundation wobbly).

That said, LGBTQIA rights don't exist in a vacuum. Sport and health foundation is a brilliant and super topical place to advance non-discrimination and inclusion in sport. Wille could advance LGBTQIA rights without drawing attention to himself when he's underage, perhaps still figuring out his identity and in his first relationship with a boy.

I can't stress enough how impactful it would be to have a queer Crown Prince (or King!) patronage a sport foundation. We can see that the pictures in the launch event of the foundation are taken with diversity in mind. Even if this is a PR strategy on the Court's part, people far removed from the court are going to work in those charities every day. And what do people think about when they see Wille's name and title associated with the foundation? The answer is not a straight boy playing football.

I hoped that YR would have shown in more concrete way that Wille understood the positive impact his queerness brings to people. We got a moment like that with Simon on the First of May when he was asked to take a picture. He got to feel like a role model. Wille could have had a similar encounter at his birthday or even at Hillerska. I feel like the show very carefully avoided to give Wille any good experiences related to the monarchy.

Is there homophobia at Hillerska?

There is a disconnect in how much hate we see Simon get, how Wille is not allowed to support queer rights versus how casual and obvious being queer is to Hillerska students. We saw girls at Hillerska openly kissing next to August in season two. Nobody batted an eye. The students of Hillerska knew it was Wille in the video and there was gossip but no negative reactions.

Young Royals seemingly treats queerness as a neutral or positive thing—even the biggest bully Vincent is not a homophobe and supports Nils when he comes out. Simon's parents are cool with their son being gay. Wille gets personally no backlash after his speech (or at least we don't see him be affected by it as Simon is).

Season three paints a very gloomy picture in contrast. 1. Simon gets mostly negative comments online. These comments hit to where it hurts, into the intersection of Simon's identities (latino lover) and his aspirations with music (chacing clout). 2. Queen Kristina falls sick straight after her son comes out. 3. Erik took part in homophobic hazings that were a tradition at Hillerska.

We don't get to see instances of this homophobia in the school or in the interactions between students except in s2e4 in 'Wille to the table' scene when the Forest Ridge boys celebrate Wille kissing Felice (and conforming to the heteronormativity). It tells us that being straight is the preferred option.

Young Royals claims that homophobia is in the walls, it lives in traditions and institutions. I partly agree. Homophobia needs also people to survive and everyone at Hillerska was shocked and appalled by the hazings. That made it kinda feel like YR put homophobia on-call for plot reasons.

Where is my big scandal about homophobic monarchy?

The journalist in Sweden might have had a keen interest about the disappearance of their Queen from active duties especially when it coincided with Wilhelm's historical coming out speech. Any accusation about the Queen's homophobia would have been devastating for the Monarchy in a country where support for same sex marriages is over ninety percent. (Go Sweden!)

Media would also have a field day about the hazings and their connection to Erik. It's very recent history. The media would wonder if Erik was a victim and/or the perpetrator. No way there would be radio silence. The burning question would be if the freshly out-of-the-closet Crown Prince suffered from homophobic hazing as well.

In season one, Wilhelm had to give a statement about a video he denied being in. In season three Wille has just come out and it turns out that his school has messed up homophobic traditions, the Queen is unable to perform her duties and it's confirmed that somebody filmed the Crown Prince with another boy and uploaded the video. There is nothing 👀

Queer up!

Wille's character is not only queer for loving Simon but queer in the broader (queer theory) meaning of questioning the prevailing conditions by bringing in new ideas, like in season one: 'What if I just want to be with him and not say anything?'

Wille never had the tools to question his position morally or academicly. At the same time he always knew what he wanted at the emotional level. Simon helped Wille with these questions. They had talks about the monarchy and Wille said he was learning from Simon.

Simon was the catalyst for Wille to find his voice and to figure out what he wants his life to look like. More than that, Simon's character allowed the viewers to look into the life of the rich and powerful through queer theory's lens: questioning, revealing, challenging status quo.

Whatever direction their ways ago after the ending, Wille's and Simon's love will continue to make a difference.

#also gay sex is holy #long post #young royals analysis #young royals #young royals does queerness so well #stedrica #nils young royals

16 notes · View notes

uncanny-tranny · 2 years

Text

Similarly to how bisexual isn't "half gay, half straight" for many, multigender is not "half man, half woman" for everybody.

Being multigender encompasses anybody who experiences multiple genders. It doesn't have to even be a male gender and a female gender, and it certainly doesn't have to be split down the middle with clear distinctions as to what is "male" and what is "female."

Being multigender can be convoluted and might not make sense to those who don't have this experience. A multigender person is who they say they are, though, and multigender people of all stripes deserve respect because, at the end of the day, we're people.

#multigender #trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #i see sometimes that it seems like people want multigender people...#...to fit into one version of multigenderedness...#...so in essence being half man half woman but in a very sanitized way...#...where the manhood and womanhood don't interact and you could essentially...#...slice their identity down the middle and get a cisnormative man and woman out of them...#...in reality though it's much more complex than that...#...and even man/woman multigenders can be just as complex as others...#...take me for instance. if you split me down the middle or whateveer you wouldn't get a cisnormative man or woman...#...ALL of me is trans. so it isn't like i have a trans man and a cis woman hiding inside of me or whatever #every single inch of me is trans and that includes how i identify #so that's why i despise when people act as though me being multigender means i'm half trans man half hyperfem/cis woman #because i don't like being told who i am and that isn't who i am #i can totally accept that some other multigender people won't feel the same as me on this...#...the purpose of this post is for people to be mindful of multigenderedness AND to respect each multigendered person

496 notes · View notes

annalyticall · 7 months

Text

To be honest I think I'm starting to become so apathetic to gender that I could possibly be non-binary but at the same time I am also just apathetic enough to not care about changing my pronouns or doing anything differently about how i present to people

#long gender rant incoming but i've never not identified as a woman and I'll probably always be one #but also i don't think i identify so much as a woman that i find it to be so drastically different to being a man?#like i never identified as a man either and never will but also like. idk we're all just people man #it's the roles we impose on ourselves that makes it seem like there's such a chasm there but there's not #like sure i'm sure on some level being a woman predisposes me to behave certain ways #but i was also fortunate enough to be raised in a household where my gender didn't bar me from playing with or liking things deemed for boy #so when i gravitated towards engineering and action movies and video games i mingled a lot more with boys than i did girls #not to be a 'not like other girls' girl but just because i naturally wanted to surround myself with people of common interests #and that just kind of normalized for me sharing space and thoughts with men as an equal #and sure sometimes men in particular piss me off but mostly just the men who subscribe to the bs role they were given as a 'man'#like the ones who don't think they could possibly relate to me because I'm a woman #like fuck that. obviously. but i also find it hard to identify with movies like barbie that draw such a clear divide between genders #like i remember my biggest problem with the movie is that very rarely did it feel like the kens and barbies ever genuinely liked each other #i know that wasn't the point of the movie. it is a critique of gender roles and the patriarchy so relationships were not the focus #but i also couldn't really see myself in the barbies and i found it kinda hard to fully immerse myself in the message of it #idk. all this to say i am a woman but sometimes i wish i didn't have to make a big deal about it #oh yeah okay no wonder i'm bisexual

6 notes · View notes

grimark · 1 year

Text

not that anybody asked but i do think terms like "cis+" or "cisn't", which i've seen thrown around in relation to the prev post, are a bit unnecessary. to me, it just seems like excessively atomising a fairly common experience, which is the desire to not be subject to the more uncomfortable and restrictive aspects of socially constructed gender roles. and sure, it might never even occur to a lot of cis people to do this kind of introspective analysis of their gender identities, and they might therefore be lacking some of the additional perspective of someone who has, but i don't think we necessarily need need a special new category for it. when you get down to it, "cis person who has previously questioned their gender" and "cis person who has never felt the need to question their gender" are both still cis, which in theory is a value-neutral description and a perfectly fine thing to be.

#this isn't meant as a criticism of people who like those terms or find them valuable or validating #it's more just. i don't get it and i don't really see the point of them but that's fine because they're not aimed at me anyway.#if you're cis but you want to add a modifier to encapsulate your gender journey then you do you.#to me just seems a bit patronising to tell cis people they're actually cis+ or whatever #like. aww you did such a good job thinking about your gender! here is a star sticker for you that says 'more evolved than other cis people'#instead maybe we can just trust that 1. people are the experts on their own identities and experiences #if someone says they're happy to continue identifying as the gender they were assigned at birth we can probably take their word for it!#and 2. accept that we all probably have a lot more in common than we might assume #it seems like a mistake to think 'this experience (gender discomfort and introspection) is exclusively a trait of x category of person'#'so if someone from y category has experienced it they must not actually be y‚ they must be something else instead'#which allows you to comfortably continue to paint people from y group as a wholly separate other with fundamentally alien experiences #and no possible point of overlap or common ground.#i see this a lot with the eternal thorn in my side which is posts about how The Neurotypicals Do This Thing #and also with a certain flavour of ace discourse #which presumes that 1. anyone who doesn't choose to identify under the asexual identity umbrella must necessarily be allosexual #2. there is a single unifying allosexual experience which can be equally applied to the rest of the human population #and 3. no allosexual person could possibly have a complicated or fraught relationship with sex and sexuality.#or if they did have any experiences in common with asexual people they'd naturally choose to identify as ace instead.#therefore these two identities must be wholly separate groups with no experiential overlap.#like idkkkkk clearly these hyperspecific labels are useful to some people!#but to me they often just seem to generate feelings of division and othering #or they're used as a way to claim a particular experience as exceptional to one group #when it's actually a pretty common feature of the human condition.

20 notes · View notes

sugar--pain · 1 month

Text

Kinda tempted to go back to identifying as aromantic but from the perspective of "I have chosen to love everyone that I have dated. I can choose to stop." but I don't know how well that would go over.

#I mean easily parts of us can identify as such just not collectively #so i guess that's why I'm saying it here #like. it's not wrong #some part of my brain has always decided that for whatever reason loving someone was in my best interest.#and only then did I develop interest Like That.#Usually we would like someone and want their attention want to be their friend and they'd develop interest #and we'd adjust to match their energy because they wanted that from us #for a while we argued amongst each other #that it wasn't valid if we didn't agree. pondering if this is ever valid #i saw people say it was popular to say that we don't choose to love #but i just don't relate to that #i know exactly how my brain works. and i can successfully convince it to love someone. and i can successfully convince it to stop.#i don't think being calculative is wrong #and honestly i think our feeling these things aren't genuine just because we can control it. it doesn't seem fair.#i'm fully capable of love. and there's nothing wrong with me deciding to love because it seems like it'd benefit us both.#and if we're already feeding each other anyway i just don't see anything wrong with accepting what's happening.#i don't like the expectations that get pulled with it.#i want to be able to independently decide what and when i want. i don't like labels.#i like that we're an anarchist but not everyone can even be on the same page about what that means #i know we left the aromantic community because they got too specific and a lot of ideas became too stiff and twisted in to reactionary #misunderstandings but how long can we keep leaving communities and cutting ourself off in to something nebulous #because of a problem that'll folllow us no matter where we go?#i think we can define ourselves any number of ways #i don't think any of them are wrong #bigger fools than i have claimed identities that were more maligned than my own #and when it's inevitable who's to say it's wrong #we're all who we are at the end of the day. these words can't contain or quantify us #they can be shortcuts but they can't define us #this is just how i live. it's about give and take #vv

3 notes · View notes

loneliii-aura · 1 year

Text

To continue building my confidence by actually talking about things that can be disagreed with on this blog...

I feel like the US set an obnoxious precedent with flags by smacking its own flag across *absolutely everything.* It sort of...trivialized allegiance to ideas in a way that was consumer friendly and has led to endless variations of flags across all kinds of different communities. I'm most familiar with lgbt+ flag drama because those are the people I spend most of my time around, but it extends to other groups, too.

For example, I don't like the blue-green color gay flag. I feel like it entirely misses the point of the original flag, which was a list of qualities in gay men that could be celebrated across the board. It didn't need to be masculine coded because being gay was, in itself, subversive to the overarching cultural idea of masculinity.

Another example to do with that is the skin colors addition to the gay flag - I would argue that it should be the goal of people within the gay community to make a point of saying "people of color are included hands down" and take a stand against racism in the community, rather than adding the colors. This creates a sense of wariness. If someone *just* has the rainbow flag up--are they older, are they a gay white supremacist, or do they have a reason like mine not to use it?

To be fair to the other side... I understand the criticisms of the gay men's flag representing everyone, and wanting to find an answer to that by making a new pride flag for gay men specifically. My dislike of certain flags does have an anchor in time: the older a flag is, the more likely I am to be okay with it. I must admit to myself that the only way to build a history around something is to have it exist in the first place. I'm sure gay men were bitching about the rainbow flag's existence for similar reasons back when it was first created.

Beyond that, a lot of my discomfort most likely stems further back to a distaste for modern microidentity politics - I don't feel like there needs to be a label for every sexual and romantic variation on earth because I don't feel like people need to be privy to that information about me from the moment we meet. If I like them well enough and the topic goes there, I'll tell them.

In the long run...I think these flags were supposed to be a declaration of allegiance to community. 'Hey, you who was kicked out from your family for being gay, you who are closeted for fear of rejection...if you see this flag you will find people who will love and hold you as their own.' However, flags have become an allegiance to identity, which I don't believe is as sustainable in the same way.

And I think that was on the US, who portrayed patriotism as the number of flags in your yard and how you defined yourself as a loyal US citizen to be the most important identity one could have.

#The unrelenting gratefulness I have for being a first generation US citizen #I'm in deep enough to see the bs and where it comes from #But wasn't taught it by my family #Don't get me wrong - I use certain flags #There is something wonderful in identifying yourself with a quiet old flag #And recognizing it among other people #And I can't begrudge other people their use of flags #But I think a lot of the lead up to it is frustrating #I could be totally off base - and this probably isn't a unique problem to this day and age #I'd love to hear the thoughts of historians about people identifying with identities vs communities over the years #Or even movements vs communities #I don't feel like the modern US gay community is a movement beyond 'let's preserve our right to exist and love the way we want'#Unlike say factions of the French revolution #But I might be damn wrong about that

13 notes · View notes