#i feel so. fucking hollow.

[eribent]

:)

#not to vent on tumblr dot gov #but i feel so deeply unimportant to so many people who are deeply important to me #and it's killing me #i feel so. fucking hollow. #and it is in many ways a product of my own design #i've put myself in this position #but holy shit i am so. fucking sad. and so fucking depressed. and feel so. fucking alone. #i have. a lot of apologies to make to a lot of people. #because i don't think i'm a very good friend #and i'm very thankful for the people who've kept in touch and who are still there for me #i just. fuck. man. you know? #i feel like shit !!!!!!!!!!! #and it'll pass and i'll work through it and i will endure #i simply. want to rest though. #i want to be taken care of. just a little bit. supported even. #i don't know. #i feel like i need to be nursed but i just keep nursing the people around me #and i'm so tired #i'm so fucking tired. #original post

[rileyclaw]

this is how hollow mind went right

#animatic #the owl house #hollow mind #toh #luz noceda #hunter toh #not feeling too hot abt my art today so i made this bc memes make me (: #here's to the episode that plunged me from Oh I Love this show to OH MY GOD I FUCKING LOVE THIS SHOW #emporer belos #phillip wittebane #philip wittebane #whichever phillip it is bc idk! #im gonna go have floor time now yall get some good floor time in today yhear??

[greencarnation]

i liked barbie but acting like greta and margot not getting nominated is the biggest feminist issue of our times is so silly. 2 mothers are killed per hour in gaza. women are using tent scraps as sanitary products. women are getting c-sections without anesthesia. fuck off with your white feminism and award shows

#like get it the fuck together #the same people who are silent about palestine are foaming at the mouth over this shit #it is shitty and hollow and stupid and i DO NOT CARE #NOBODY CARES #THERE IS A GENOCIDE BE SO FR #palestine #gaza #israel #free palestine #barbie #greta gerwig #margot robbie #who the fuck played ken again 😭😭 #ryan reynolds #white people love picking on issues like this so that they can feel like activists or like they're part of something important #but when real crises happen and they might be required to step outside their comfort zones or sacrifice something their lips are ZIPPED #if half of you had HALF the reaction to 30000 dead palestinians maybe things would be better

[sleepyconfusedpotato]

🌹Some Thoughts on Inserting Jade in MWIII 👀🌹

⚠️ MWIII Spoilers ⚠️

Because I'm so damn devastated and angst driven here's what I cranked up for Jade's role in MWIII! (aka I can't sleep because of the angst and decided to write this instead)

Version 1

Jade stayed in London throughout all the events of MWIII because she's retired (and of course, she earned this peace). When the news of the airplane crash and the attack on Arklov military base went to the news, she was wondering what happened, but chose to stay home as she promised her parents that she won't go anymore.

After the events of Trojan Horse, Ghost showed up in front of her floristry in the middle of the night, all broody and seemed... crestfallen. As Jade invited her to her house, she started.

"Simon. You're home! Why didn't you tell me? What's wro--" Her words got cut off by him suddenly hugging her. She wanted to ask what happened before he let out a sniff, close to a sob.

Jade thought it must've been a rough mission (every mission he goes to is, but to have him crying like this meant something terrible had happened), so she only rubbed his back, giving him time to collect himself. However, when his sobs only grew as time went by, Jade had to ask him.

"Simon. Tell me what happened, please."

"Johnny... Johnny's gone." Ghost voice shook as he clasped his hands harder to her back, wrinkling her shirt.

Upon hearing the news, her heart felt like it was being pierced a thousand times, leaving an empty hole. The young, brave Scot who's grown to be both her and Ghost's closest friend, gone, just like that.

"Oh... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Simon. I'm so sorry." As tears quickly ran down her cheeks, she rubbed Ghost's back firmly now, she could only wonder what happened, not wanting to pry too much from him.

***

Jade went to Scotland to let go of Soap's ashes, standing behind Price, Gaz, and Ghost to give them their time, even with tears running down her cheek. As Price and Gaz went, Jade approached Ghost near the cliff, before putting a bunch of lilies and chrysanthemums on the ground.

"Fly high, Soap."

Version 2

Ghost had told Jade that he's going on a mission with the 141. Jade hugged Ghost before he went and said, "Come back in one piece, alright?" "Count on that."

And then, when the news of Makarov finally got to Price and the boys, they turned around and immediately changed mission. Ghost opened his phone to contact Jade, but he decided against it, because if he told her that Makarov's out, Jade will absolutely ask Laswell to count her in. So Ghost didn't tell her that he's going on an entirely different mission, a dangerous one.

***

Laswell was alone with her laptop working on the intel General Shepherd gave to them regarding Milena Romanova, when Ghost approached her from behind and called her name.

"Laswell. What are you doing?"

"Ghost. I'm in the process of confirming the intel we have from Shepherd."

"And?" He pried for more.

"...I'm scrolling through my contacts to add our firepower. Makarov moves fast, so we need someone who can think and moves fast."

"Don't you dare tell her to come here."

"You know this is a matter of international emergency. She's one of the best contacts I have. You saw how perceptive she is and how helpful she was in your time in Las Almas. Makarov has stolen American missiles from ULF, caused false flag missile attacks on Russian Military base, and successfully orchestrated a false airplane hijacking, all under ULF's name - everything in the span of 36 hours. We need her, Ghost."

"She's retired. Laswell."

"And the world is on the brink of a large-scale war."

"And she has no part in this. Lottie's not coming here and that's final."

***

As the news of the airplane crash + the gas attack on Arklov Military Base went international, Jade obviously picked up on it, absolutely not believing that it was done by "an Urzikstani who got inspired by Commander Farah Karim". She did her own research with the help of her parents' contacts and connections to MI6, finally catching the news of Makarov's ousting from his prison.

After knowing this, Jade immediately contacted Laswell.

"Kate, where on earth is Ghost and the others."

***

She joined the missions with the 141 boys, particularly the ones with Ghost in it, including the Oligarch, Frozen Tundra, and Gora Dam.

And AS USUAL FUCK CANON. HERE'S THE ALTERNATE ENDING I DON'T CARE.

When Soap and Price was trying to defuse the bomb, Jade was there to cover them from the Konni's rain of bullets. When Makarov approached Soap from behind to stop him from defusing the bomb, Jade rushed to Makarov and tackled him to the ground and got shot on the shoulders, but not without Ghost and Gaz injuring Makarov in the process. The bomb is successfully defused. Mak ran away and Price and Soap wanted to chase him before the bullet train stopped them in their tracks.

Ghost cradled her as Soap and Gaz applied first aid on her bleeding shoulders. Ghost shouted,

"Lottie. Stay with me, alright. It's nothing. Just stay awake."

Price shouted to the comms asking for medic before Ghost carried Jade bridal style and hauled her ass through the tunnel and exit. The ambulance was there when they got out, and Ghost put her on the bed where the medics got to work on her.

He waited for Jade in the hospital as she came to her consciousness. The boys came to visit along with her parents who stared at them with devilish eyes, but also grateful for protecting her and giving the first aid.

EVERYONE IS ALIVE AND HAPPY OKAY

Or ---

Ghost cradled her as Soap and Gaz applied first aid on her bleeding shoulders. Ghost shouted,

"Lottie. Stay with me, alright. It's nothing. Just stay awake."

"I am, I am! I'm good, just let me take a breather for a second. Fuck it hurts."

She can walk but of course Ghost carried her bridal style UWU and EVERYONE'S FUCKING ALIVE LET'S GO.

AAAAFJJSDHJAGDHSJHDHSJJDH

---

So that was my brain vomit at midnight yesterday. Which version do you like the most? Leave some thoughts!

Thank you for reading and hope you like it...? (〒▽〒)

#don't mind me I'm still sad #my heart feel so hollow so I wrote this #as usual FUCK CANON #call of duty #call of duty modern warfare #cod mw #cod #call of duty modern warfare 3 #call of duty modern warfare III #call of duty modern warfare 3 spoilers #call of duty modern warfare III spoilers #modern warfare 3 spoilers #modern warfare iii spoilers #mw3 spoilers #mwiii spoilers #simon ghost riley #charlotte jade le jardin #sleepy's thoughts #ghost x oc #ghost x jade

[six-white-venus]

the worst trait of me and my family is probably this: we never learned to say the word sorry.

i) my best friend and i, we are no people. knives? maybe. liars? definitely. but people? i’m not so sure.

knives were never forged to be tender (what a shame, what a shame) and we too, fall and slay what we meant to protect. him and i, we go for the throat when we clash. we hurt and bleed and oh, i should be terrified, i should be running for my life, but all i am is tired and a bit lonely and would really like his arms around me.

( “can we please stop fighting now.”

“oh god yes please.”)

because time and time again, this man has held my heart in his hands and cleaned its festering wounds with cotton dipped in alcohol (always the healer, always the lover) and wrapped gauze around them with clinical precision. and i have walked through the maze of his head and tended to his withering garden, have dragged the sun and fresh air and all the oceans to the barren land to make it bloom (always the poet, always the lover).

him and i, we have never needed words because we are knives forged in the same fire and at the end of the day, we both know that he will be the one who wordlessly stitches my broken heart and i will be the one who sings him to sleep.

ii) let me paint you a picture:

blue that fades into red that fades into black that fades into blue that fades into red. loud, clashing and nonsensical. a pit in your stomach that was dug with desperation and blunt fingernails. how do you colour anger that is also pain, grief, hate, love, fear and truth? the smell of the paint is foul and clogs your windpipes. blunt fingernails and blue and black and madness. can you bear to look at what you created without flinching?

that’s what anger looks like on my father. a horror. a mottled bruise. a hellfire.

all his life, my father has been scorned, belittled, beaten, spat on. his mother didn’t love him right because her mother didn’t love her right. my dad loves like he hates. something is fucked in his head and heart and his words fade into black and blue and red and this shitshow always ends with me sobbing, bleeding, dying on the floor. my father watches with his hackles raised and his eyes red and wide and glowing. once wounded, an animal never sheathes its claws. it strikes the ones it loves and walks away with its head held high and hands trembling.

but here’s what happens when the curtains close: he pulls me into his arms and brings me tea. he wipes away my tears with hands that has moved mountains to make me smile. he kisses my forehead and tells me that his mom didn’t love him right. my grief is like anger and indignation and love. i wrap my arms around him and cry all the tears he never had the luxury to. who should say sorry, really? is it him or his mom or his mom’s mom or this stupid fucking world? my father has never said the word sorry. he never needed to. this is what love looks like on us. a horror. a mottled bruise. a hellfire.

iii) despite it all, i am not usually an angry person. i take after my father and my mother, after all. i rage like my mother (quick, loud, fire that burns out almost as quickly as it sparked to life) and fight like my father (aim, shoot, bullseye). my sister does something even mildly upsetting and before i know it, i’m cursing her to be miserable till she dies. not even an hour later i’m draping myself over her shoulder and bugging her till she rolls her eyes and smiles ever so slightly.

(“do you have no shame?”

“yeah no i don’t think so.”)

my family and i, we never learned to say the word sorry. because the word sorry never meant sorry, not to us. because at the end of the day, that’s all it is: a word. and it sticks to the back of my tongue and the dents of my molars and gets tangled in my mouth when i try to spit it out. so i grab it by its throat and thread it into my being. i find it so much easier to hide my pathetic inability to do one thing that doesn’t scream that there's something wrong with me with the truth of another three words:

“i love you”

and they are always echoed back to me, just a few million times more tender, in ways only we can understand.

“yeah, i know.”

“that’s great, but there’s no escaping dishes duty.”

“oh, shut up, you.”

“what’s that for?”

a pause and a hum.

“i love you too.”

#vi is back on their dysfuctionally healthy familial love agenda again #it's like. that one quote #love is a doing word #everything stems from love. everything gets its meaning because they are all doing words #maybe it's the way we've all benn raised/fucked over by the world but #saying sorry feels so.... wrong. hollow. it's simply not enough #i've grown up feeling like nothing i do is enough and that also travels to my way of apologising #we are all damaged in one way or another but we are all capable of so much love #and that's what my family and friends have taught me #it's okay if you're messed up and have no idea how to be a functional person. it's okay to screw up. we can sit and fix it #together #my writing #prose poetry #love #words #writeblr #prose #familial love #love languages #anger

[spread-the-influence]

// hopping in again because 2 am is in the timeframe where i become so hyper on accidentally finding vibes like a nocturnal predator

. https://youtu.be/8Gopg80VXwc?si=j_vS5a5xUWvgiBRC

somehow sounds like t.i

// ASHES ASHES DUST TO DUST THE DEVIL'S AFTER THE BOTH OF US //

#[ ooc ] #i have Never heard of this song until now and now i'm obsessed holy fuck holy shit #“tell me i am good enough” me when i am a random doll who wants to please everyone to the point it's a source of manipulation #from the parasites in my brain #by making me think i'm being useful when i do things for them while also not hesitating to put me down when i fail #( i easily accept these words because i truly believe that everyone else's wellbeing is more important than mine #and do not like being seen as a failure or useless because it makes me do feel worthless #as i lack internal validation for myself #so everything is a personal failure on my part even when it isn't ) #i hollow out my being for the people that only serves to take and take and i fully let them do it #it's what is 'good' for me after all - at least that's what they tell me #... yeah here's some psychology

[ahollowgrave]

Day 27: Snow

A small painting tucked into a worn album of similar paintings. The cover of the album is worn leather made shiny by many hands over the years.

All of the paintings are of the convent's errant daughter through the years. The most recent a sledding scene with her karakul companion and those moths.

Tucked at the back of the book is a bundle of letters. Each from Odette, each detailing one of the painted adventures.

#decembhyur2023 #Pigeon Screens #Odette Hollows #the mother superior was apprenticed to a great artist before she felt the call of Menphina #sometimes she still paints #most often when she misses the little thief she help to raise #(I just wrapped up most of Matoya's quests in the highlands and I have FEELINGS about stubborn old women and the girlchild they raised) #but also sometimes you struggle so fucking much with shadows and lighting that you just #find a way for it to look not so crisp #this shader is one of Elva's !!! #I believe her still life one !!! #all the painting ones are beautiful tho

[ghost-proofbaby]

do you ever just feel the depression fog settling in and suddenly feel like all your words, spoken and written, just aren’t making sense? like oh i’m just spewing nonstop nonsense aren’t i.

#it feels like someone’s cut off a fucking limb when i’m writing and suddenly stare at the screen and just #it’s not what i want it’s not coming out right and it almost feels as though ive completely disassociated #but if im not writing i feel entirely useless? #idk #ignore me #is there a way to disappear into the void until this brain fog figures itself out so no one else has to deal with it lmao #wanting to write and being entirely unable to leaves me feeling very very hollow inside #ghost talks too much

[burythecarnival]

my heart is fucking shattered. just this thursday, i had to make the soul-tearing decision to say goodbye to my beautiful mina bean 💔 i watched her go from looking normal to having a giant malignant tumor take over the left side of her face, jaw & neck. it had grown so fast that her left eye was bulging out. squamous cell carcinoma is the most aggressive cancer i had ever seen & the tumor was deemed inoperable. she went peacefully while hugging her mommy & being pet from her favorite vet folks. i am so sorry, sweetheart. thank you for letting me rescue you after your shithead abusive past owner made the first half of your life hell. thank you for being such a wonderful presence in the house & for always wanting to hold hands. i hope that you know how fucking cherished you were in the family these last four years. mommy loves you forever & already misses you so much 😔

#mina the disabled ballerina #heartbroken #cw pet loss #this came out of fucking nowhere #i feel so hollow

[luthienne]

i have a funny feeling the new daredevil series is basically going to be yeah we got him back but he came back wrong in terms of. everything

#i just have a feeling!!! #a silly goofy little feeling that it’s going be massively reductive and disneyfied and everything that made matt matt is going to be gone #and everything that made the series so good is going to be set aside in favor of quips and cgi #and mcu hollowness #but idk maybe that’s just bc they’re not hiring back any of the same writing team and bringing in writers from the cw #and not bringing back the stunt crew who did such excellent grounded work for netflix dd #and now apparently not bringing back elden henson for foggy #so. why the fuck did they even bother to save the show #daredevil

[wreckrinho]

remember my Apocalypse tawog au? i did a "redesigning" thing ab rob in this au(?).. it looks like shit, really, i prefer the old design, but i just...i just cant draw.

You wanna now whar? Whatever Whateve rwharrver whatever whatever uugghhh

If you want, there are more things about the au below, I just...I'm tired so..yeah, ugly ass drawings

Rob and Penny are super friends. Penny even considers Rob like a brother and Polly loves Rob very much too. Penny helped him cut his hair in a way that covered the static on his cheeks (it worked amazingly, but he's really uncomfortable with the hair on his face)

he is trying to find a way to make a vaccine for those infected (The apocalypse is about the void) and wants to try to save everyone

Rob, during the time he stayed with the survivors (including Gumball), ended up falling in love with Gumball, Which is sad because Gumball thinks Rob is one of those to blame for the apocalypse...

He tries his best to save and find some survivors, infected or not. However, most people were afraid of Rob being another infected person or a zombie because of the glitches and static, so Rob became very insecure and even started hiding the static on his body.

#sorry i cant take it anymore like- i try! i really try and make me happy but i just cant be happy at all. #i went to de mall. did shopping. i even drink monster energy but still im just so...hollow #so lonely. so...alone. so..yk just... empty #empty yeah thats the right word. i wanna die. #so i just draw and draw all the characters i like almost fucking dying because that way i feel like they understand me in a twisted way #tawog #fandom #tawog rob #tawog gumball #rob tawog #the amazing world of gumball #tawog fanart #tawog au #fanart #au #caos au #au apocalypse #penny tawog #tawog penny #penny fitzgerald

[taikanyohou]

“Would you stop saying that you’ve got nothing left?” VEGAS + PETE + MACAU | KinnPorsche (2022).

#vegaspetemacau #vegaspete #kinnporsche #asianlgbtqdramas #* #faiza gifs #its the way pete is vegas' anchor like. it doesnt matter. pete will continue to remind him of the things that matter the most. #sometimes i feel vegas just gets so overwhelmed by this numbing pain of feeling so useless and powerless #bc without power what is he? even when he was vegas from the minor family ... he was still Someone. #and now he isnt even that anymore #and so there's this hollowness ... and its not something that is gonna go away in one night. #no this still fucks him up and wrecks him even later on down the line #and pete is there in those times telling him what matters the most #and what matters the most is what brings him the most joy and peace and comfort #not a 2 second high/thrill of blowing someone's brains out and being covered in blood #and that he and the people that matter to him - pete and macau - deserve each other's company. they've had to lose so much for it. #and so slowly .... these 2 boys become vegas' reason to carry on. #love feeding love with love. #but at some point. in like. s2. i so badly want to see vegas get those urges. his hand forms a fist just like he's holding a gun in it. #his finger hooked like he's about to pull the trigger #bc he misses that feeling. #bc thats all he's known. #and then after a few deep breaths he relaxes his fist and his fingers. #but at some point i NEED to see vegas breakdown again. telling pete and macau that its not them. #its NOT THEM #its him and these urges dont stop #and theyre hugging each other - all 3 of them - and they ask vegas: what is it you want? what do you want? #and vegas tells them he just wants to feel useful again. #and pete and macau GET what vegas means straight away. they dont even need to ask. #they just look at each other and understand what vegas is saying.

[nonuggetshere]

No context except they're looking at the Pale King and it's his blood on their lips

#hollow knight gijinka #hk gijinka #hollow knight #pure vessel #the hollow knight #I hope this expression SCREAMS terror. I hope the fear of death is clearly painted on their face. I hope PK feels guilty knowing it's he #they're so afraid of. #hey how should PK's blood look like? fucking. normal blood with glitter in it i guess #faaf au

[artnerd1123]

Dancin’ all alone in the mornin’ light.

#hollow knight #the hollow knight #pure vessel hollow knight #radiance hollow knight #yeah that’s all I’ll tag ig #yes those are fob lyrics what of it #anyway I finally got around to getting an ending in the game after 95ish hours of gameplay #and oh holy shit none of u were lying what the FUCK #let hollow OUT OF THERE???????? HELLO????????? #god so many feelings abt them #incomprehensible tho so have! this <3 #song lyrics #artnerd1123

[pocketed-fool]

I went to a convention and got some HK commissions!!!

#I HAD THE LUCK TO CATCH THIS CONVO BETWEEN TWO FRIENDS THAT WAS SOMETHING LIKE #[yo.... do you.... know who ...this ...is?] and the friend was like. eating icecream and was super confused in general #and she goes [ no....???] #AND THE DUDE JUST LETS OUT THE TINIEST GASP #AND GOES #[it's.... QUIRREL HOLLOW KNIGHT] #AND THEY LOOK AT ME AND I FEEL IVE WITNESSED SOME SORT OF RITUAL OR JUST AN EPI THING FOR SOME REASON #THE GIRL WAS SO CONFUSED SHE JUST KEPT EATING HER ICE CREAM #AMD THE DUDE WAS LIKE DANCING #I HAVE NO IDEA OF WHAT HAPPENED BUT I HAD TO KEEP A #I JUST KEPT A STRAIGHT FACE AND WENT [yes. that is Quirrel Hollow Knight] #AND MY FRIEND NEXT TO ME WAS CRYING BECAUSE WHAT THE FUCK IS EVEN GOING ON??? #ANYWAY. #Yes my friend. That's quirrel Hollow Knight. #God. #hollow knight #hollow knight fanart #hk #fanart #hk fanart #quirrel #hk quirrel #Pale siblings #THK #the Hollow Knight #Pure Vessel #hk Hornet #Hornet #baby hornet!!!!

[menelaiad]

not now babe im crying over the stupid niche average historical fiction books i found in the bowels of my local library that have a band of characters i love more than my own soul and have grown so attached to that i ache

#this series was REALLY good. it had so much heart?? and every character you just adored #i know wHY the last book did what it did and it did it pretty well #but the slow breakdown of the found family really got to me #i am crying yes thanks for asking #definitley in the 'think about these books at random times and get misty eyed' category #i have the 'post-book hollow' feelings #i will miss them. i will miss them so much and i WILL reread them but you never get that first read feeling again #if i wrote gabe/theo fic would you read it if you had no idea what was going on???? just asking #scott street is on REPEAT rn. after reading this. #anyway. dont be a stranger - fuck?? off????