#i hate myself so much.

[thenarryparable]

Hold on I'm having a big gay moment rn

WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE ARE FALLING FOR THEM BOTH. NO. PICK ONE.

#*cries in corner* #WHYYYYYY #WAAAAAAAA #I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH. #Guys. #KEEP. EVERY. CHARACTER. EVER. AWAY. FROM. ME. #I get too attached and get my heartbroken because they aren't real. #:(

[imjustexistingtbh]

.

#sometimes i hate myself for throwing away my last piece of glass #i know it’s for the better long term #but it helps so much in the moment i just want. i need that right now #but i have absolutely nothing to do it with #i hate myself right now #i hate myself so much #i hate how i can’t be normal without taking medicine #i hate how anxious i always am #i hate my brain #i hate that i can’t understand social things #i hate that i’m weird and the outcast with maybe three real friends #i hate that i’m just the weird autistic nerd #i hate that i can’t go a week without hating myself #and even when i have bad days i crash soon after #i hate that i want to hurt myself. i hate that i don’t want to hurt myself. #i hate myself so much. #it’s been 81 days since my last relapse #and i feel so incredibly awful #WHY do i feel this way SO MUCH #i don’t WANT to feel this way #but maybe i do #it’s more comfortable. #but i don’t know if i like it #vent #tw self harm #just jupiter

[scholz666]

I’m just so lonely.

#I’m just so cold. #I’m so lonely but I’m afraid to let people near me. #I’m afraid to get attached to people and I’m afraid they’re going to get attached to me. #I’m afraid of responsibility. #I’m afraid of betrayal. #I hate myself so much. #★ #personal

[dailymanners]

Always use "excuse me" if you have to get into someone else's personal space.

Someone at the store is standing in front of the shelf where there's a can you want to grab? Don't just reach into their personal space without warning, say "excuse me" or "pardon my reach" first so that they at least have a warning that someone is about to reach into their personal space, and most importantly, so that they have a chance to move before you get into their space.

Or if someone is standing on a walkway or in a doorway you need to get through, don't just silently shove past them or squeeze past them, say "excuse me" so that they have a warning that a someone is about to squeeze or shove into their personal space, and they have a chance to move out of the way before you do you.

People deserve a fair warning if someone is about to squeeze or shove or reach into their personal space. A lot of people are not okay with having someone, but especially a stranger, randomly shove or squeeze or reach into their personal space without warning. They also deserve a chance to move out of the way first for the sake of their comfort.

Try to avoid just staring at people who are in your way and expecting them to read your mind that you want them to move. Most people cannot, in fact, read minds, so having someone stand in front of them and stare at them often only leads to making them feel uncomfortable and frustrated.

But also more importantly, if you are standing somewhere someone needs to get to, and they say excuse me, you should move aside for them even if just temporarily, so they can avoid the discomfort of having to reach into your personal space or squeeze past you.

If someone is saying "excuse me" it's because they would like you to move because they don't want to have to get into your personal space, whether it's out of respect for you, or just because they themselves are not comfortable getting in your personal space.

All of this goes double for people with trauma and/or people who are neurodivergent. If someone has trauma related to abuse or assault they may find it more upsetting or possibly triggering to suddenly have someone shoving or reaching in their personal space without warning.

Or, many types of neurodivergence can make it especially disturbing and unpleasant to have someone else in your personal space, especially without warning.

You can never be 100% sure who is and isn't traumatized and/or neurodivergent, so always practice respecting other's personal space by giving them a fair warning with "excuse me" or "pardon my reach" before getting in their personal space, and moving aside when you hear those magic words. Or, even if someone isn't traumatized nor neurodivergent, it's still fair to not like someone in your personal space without warning and not being given the opportunity to move first.

#manners #politeness #courtesy #good manners #etiquette #I'm so sorry I really tried to make this one shorter I really did #I trimmed the fat as much as I could but this was as short as I could bring myself to make it #Where I live most people will just shove into your personal space without saying anything #or just stare at you until you get the hint and move #and I hate it so much #Especially because I am both neurodivergent and have PTSD so I really hate people staring at me and/or shoving in my personal space

[ark1os]

This is the saddest day in my life.

#my soulmate left me. i’m the worst person alive. #i hate myself so much.

[inkskinned]

they want to talk about mental illness and acceptance and how everyone is a little ocd it's cute and quirky and their "intrusive thoughts" are about cutting their hair off and you say yours are about taking a razorblade to your eye and they say ew can you not and everyone is a little adhd sometimes! except if you're late it's a personality flaw and it's because you are careless and cruel (and someone else with adhd mentions they can be on time, so why can't you?) and it's not an eating disorder if it's girl dinner! it's not mania if it's girl math! what do you mean you blew all of your savings on nonrefundable plane tickets for a plane you didn't even end up taking. what do you mean that you are afraid of eating. get over it. they roll their little lips up into a sneer. can you not, like, trauma dump?

they love it on them they like to wear pieces of your suffering like jewels so that it hangs off their tongue in rapiers. they are allowed to arm-chair diagnose and cherrypick their poisons but you can't ever miss too many showers because that's, like, "fuckken gross?" so anyone mean is a narcissist. so anyone with visual tics is clearly faking it and is so cringe. but they get to scream and hit customer service employees because well, i got overwhelmed.

you keep seeing these posts about how people pleasers are "inherently manipulative" and how it's totally unfair behavior. but you are a people pleaser, you have an ingrained fawn response. in the comments, you have typed and deleted the words just because it is technically true does not make it an empathetic or kind reading of the reaction about one million times. it is technically accurate, after all. you think of catholic guilt, how sometimes you feel bad when doing a good deed because the sense of pride you get from acting kind - that pride is a sin. the word "manipulation" is not without bias or stigma attached to it. many people with the fawn response are direct victims of someone who was malignantly manipulative. calling the victims manipulative too is an unfair and unkind reading of the situation. it would be better and more empathetic to say it is safety-seeking or connection-seeking behavior. yes, it can be toxic. no, in general it is not intended to be toxic. there is no reason to make mentally ill people feel worse for what we undergo.

you type why is everyone so quick to turn on someone showing clear signs of trauma but you already know the fucking answer, so what's the point of bothering. you kind of hate those this is what anxiety looks like! infographics because at this point you're so good at white-knuckling through a severe panic attack that people just think you're stoic. even people who know the situation sometimes comment you just don't seem depressed. and you're not a 9 year old white kid so there's no way you're on the spectrum, you're not obsessed with trains and you were never a good mathematician. okay then.

mental illness is trending. in 2012 tumblr said don't romanticize our symptoms but to be fair tiktok didn't exist yet. there's these series of videos where someone pretends to be "the most boring person on earth" and is just being a normal fucking person, which makes your skin crawl, because that probably means you are boring. your friend reads aloud a profile from tinder - no depressed bitches i fucking hate that mental illness crap. your father says that medication never actually works.

you still haven't told your grandmother that you're in therapy. despite everything (and the fact it's helping): you just don't want her to see you differently.

#writeblr #warm up #to be clear let me state again: i think you should id however you fucking want if it helps you seek peace #but there is a HUGE difference between being like '.... im undiagnosed but i think i might be X' #and a person who is like ''omg my intrusive thoughts made me buy a birkin!!!'' #babe mine made me throw up bc they disgusted me so much <3 #mine made me hurt myself evenly. even when i wanted to stop. i have had to put my hand on the stove MULTIPLE TIMES #and again i'd rather have 10000 people get help for something they don't need help for #than have 1 kid NOT get help #but there has GOTTTTT to be a middle ground here #bc at this point it isn't ''raising awareness'' #it's . fucking misinformation. and ''what this picture says about you!!!!!'' #& yes! im mostly talkin about ppl who are actually disgusted and offended by signs of mental illness #but use it to defend THEIR actions #like babe you hate when kids start yelling in the walmart? but you YOuRSELF can yell? #you are depressed so it's fine you were cruel to your spouse? #but if your spouse spends too much time in bed she's a lazy fuck? #your partner needs to do everything for you bc of your history in trauma? but when SHE has needs she's being clingy and gross? #HUGE difference here between whom i think most of my followers are btw. like #all it takes is fucking anyyyy empathy or kindness . like. #anyway it's hard to explain im hoping we all know the person im talking about lol

[cosmicquilt]

???: "Of course! That's why Ratio's betrayal was one of the keys to your plan. I have to say, that doctor's acting was superb."

Aventurine:

(idk what story part this is from, but I have screenshots).

#me when I go crazy over “haha yeah but like does he actually hate me unironically? I'd hate myself too haha i don't blame him” #hsr #honkai star rail #hsr aventurine #aventurine #aventurine honkai star rail #AGH YOU DON't understand... i love aventurine so much. #RRRGHHHH #hsr spoilers

[echosdevil]

THESE ARE SO PERSONAL TO ME

#brendan fraser #michelle yeoh #ke huy quan #mentally told myself i needed new pics of michelle and brendan and i got them 😭😭 #oh i love them so much #again ignore the cropping. have i mentioned how much i hate getty

[sivsii]

I sincerely hope every artist gets to have the experience of falling in love with their art someday. even if you have to fight for it. i think we all deserve to look at the result of our creativity all giddy and go holy shit, I loved making this! I love the lines I put down and the colors I used and the indulgences I’ve taken. I love seeing things I liked and taking it for my own, pushing and molding and playing. I can’t wait to do it again

#art stuff #maybe this is just me being all mushy or whatever but GOD #i used to hate my art so fucking much #i used to hate the act of creating so deeply that putting pen to paper knotted up my insides #and I don’t know HOW I grew through that but I did! i genuinely thought it was the end of such an important part of who I am #but it wasn’t! #and now for the last few years I’ve been consistently able to look at my art and feel proud of myself? like holy shit I made this! #i have such good taste! #and there have been times where I’ve hated the process or been dissatisfied with theresult ofc #art is fucking hard #art block and burnout is a bitch #but Ive still been able to look at the sum of my journey and just feel. satisfied. and accomplished #eager for growth but still proud of what I’ve made #idk #we all deserve that someday

[tarufai]

#spiderman #deadpool #spideypool #comic #I did this for a class #an ENGLISH class #but we're learning about comics as literature and for the most recent paper we had an option to make a comic #and the main theme we're studying this semester is power so i made this #anyway I forgot how goddamn hard these two are to draw #I hate how complicated their costumes are like its so unnecessary #but I also think this is the most accurately I've drawn them #and they looked consistent through this whole thing #so I'm really proud of myself #and yes this is gay but i'm imagining that in this scene they don't realize they have feelings for each other yet hee hee #some of these were fuckin hard angles too what was i doing to myself!!! this was hard af!!! wtf!!! #and to be honest i drew all of this yesterday and today!!! that was so much drawing!!! og my god!!! #but it was fun he he #except i will always hate the webs on spideys costume. hell world #they have to look such a specific way and it is not easy #enough rambling. enjoy #also sorry im reuploading this because i had accidentally colored in one of spideys speech bubbles as yellow

[szakkale]

look at my monstrosity

#YIPPEEE IVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS WORK AFDSFVGBRFDVHGB #shitty photos shitty phone whateverrr #bro i have no idea how we are going to hang this up on the wall for the exhibition cause its in pieces but whatevarr #im very proud of myself but im very tired and i hated this work because it was sooo much work #my prof loves it tho so i really do feel proud of myself heheheheee #art

[starrcrossrose]

“This Is A Bad Idea”

“I Don’t Care”

Uhh HAPPY VALENTINES DAY *throws guys kissing at you and runs away*

If you wanna see more of them I have a LOT on my Patreon. Uhhhh yeah bYE —

#I’m so tired of being afraid of sharing simple smooching #what’s some making out between two dudes in their mid 20’s? #they are down bad #*shakes them in a jar full of marbles* #kissing #smooching #make out #idk how else to tag this #leoichi #LeoSagi #they ARE ADULTS OKAY #(hate feeling like I need to defend myself before posting anything but it’s my art and my au and I can do what I want) #I hope ppl like this #I just really love how the arm and hand on Leo came out #I LOVE THEM SO MUCH NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME

[lotus-pear]

regret

#literally excuse the shitty anatomy and cell shading i was thinking abt chuuyas reaction to what he'd done and i decided to make it skk #bc skk copium :') #the way i've hated dazai so fucking much but i still cried like a bitch when he died #he's not dead the bsd fandom has this phase like the elevator chapter where we're like ''dazai's not gonna make it he's done for!!'' #and then he comes back next chapter like surprise bitches yall thought i was dead lmao #this chapter fucking HURT for skk shippers tho like we rly lost this time around huh #deluding myself into thinking that chuuya used gravity manipulation to slow the bullet #bc we didn't see a bullet hole behind dazais head like when chuuya shot his shoulder even though the bullet to his skull was fired at close #the reason theres a wound is bc the compressed air that was still fired was enough to wound him #and the shock wave that followed caused him to pass out bc of the sudden tension to his head intermingled with the blood loss and poison #we also know dazai can control his heart rate at will so maybe he can drop his pulse to zero for like thirty secs #enough to make fyodor believe he's dead #in the event that all of this is untrue and dazai rly does die the way my entire being will go numb and cold and dead #knowing that fyodor will most likely use dazai's death as a weapon against chuuya effectively chaining him to his side #like bffr chuuya may dislike dazai but that's his partner his reflection the boy that makes him desperately want to be human #dazai is the embodiment of chuuyas humanity and once chuuya loses that tether to his human side he will snap and the facade will shatter #and we will truly see chuuya unhinged with nothing more keeping him bound to his mortal shell #this wasn't the skk reunion we wanted asigiri what the fuck :( #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd #nakahara chuuya #chuuya nakahara #osamu dazai #dazai osamu #skk #soukoku #lotus draws

[fauxbia]

Okay!!! Finally (Finally, this has been months in the making and redone several times) I made a lineup of my Iterator designs!!! They're done and I'm really happy with them.

Misc headcanons under the cut

All: Asexual, Trans

Looks To The Moon: She/Her, Demiromantic Lesbian

Five Pebbles: He/Him, Greyromantic MLM

No Significant Harassment: They/Sometimes He, Aromantic

Seven Red Suns: They/Them, Demiromantic Bi

Moon and NSH are both Gen 1. NSH was Moon’s first junior and friend, and they are extremely close because of it.

Suns is early Gen 2 and was created by a particularly aesthetically inclined group, resulting in their slightly more ornate clothing.

Pebbles is put off by NSH’s humor, thinking that if they’re a Gen 1, then shouldn’t they act like it?

NSH’s humor is actually sourced from their life experience. They’re relatively comfortable with themself and know how to see the bright side in most situations. (Moon’s collapse not being one of them. They were completely devastated; even moreso once assigned Senior in her stead.)

Moon loves Pebbles and wants him to be happy and healthy. He thinks she’s too overbearing, but loves her too deep down.

#faux art #rain world #looks to the moon #five pebbles #no significant harassment #seven red suns #fuck you!!!!! *arospecs and acespecs all your iterators* #ghhh im so happy to finally be somewhat done with this though #i have gone through so many versions of this as my artstyle evolves and my skills improve over the months #like you'd think it wouldnt be that noticeable but . it is. #but finally i got all of them drawn fast enough that i wouldnt actively hate the first ones drawn by the time i got to the last #have my sillies i love them so much #maybe someday i'll get myself together and finally post some iterator oc content here too #i have tortured my ocs so badly ehehe

[flovoid]

happy birthday… Keith

#flawtown #keith sewell #its officially 28 feb in my time zone and. #I hate myself. keith I don’t deserve you. #guys.. keith has SO MUCH PAST TRAUMA to the fact I couldn’t fit it in this post- #-my man can’t catch a break and the issue is me. #carlénal kennedy #killian sewell #shandy sewell #boo(ze) sewell #boo sewell #simblr #ts4 #sims 4 #ts4 story

[inkskinned]

he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.

except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?

at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.

except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.

about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.

he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.

#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag #writeblr #it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal #fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho) #healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy #im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage.... #1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind #and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes #2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception'' #3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.'' #idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh #im sure there are people who have this experience normally #but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists #when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band'' #edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful #once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large #but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry. #but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes #but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally. #i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes #people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism #but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet . #i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY #and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound. #but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in #i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too. #here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change #was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort) #choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL