#i hate valentines day because you assholes never got me anything | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

saerins · 1 year

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─── 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒

+ sae x f!reader | wc 3.2k | content: angst, insecurities, death

notes: i’m sorry idk how this came about but i was in a mood :’) i promise i love him okay <3 feedback & reblogs appreciated !!

summary: he’s back home, and you recall the times you’d spoken to him. all the calls you made, then all the calls he made, and then all the times it went to voicemail.

you remember every conversation you’ve had with your boyfriend. the good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly. it’s hard to quantify into numbers since you’d been together for the last five years.

but there’s a few of them that are prominent, that are burned into your mind, engraved onto your brain. the sound of his laugh, for one, that’s always been precious to you, if only for the fact that he doesn’t laugh often.

sae always said you were the only one who could get that out of him, and you’ve kept it close to your heart since.

to the world, he may have seemed rude and off-putting at times, and despite the countless false reports of sae being an asshole to all his girlfriends in private (because the media can never decide who he’s actually with), he’s always been the same itoshi sae to you—the kind of guy who only ever bothers what you think about him because the other people not involved in your relationship don’t matter.

you remember everything he’s ever done for you.

“you know that one day you’ll be mrs. itoshi, right?”

yeah, you definitely remember.

MARCH 2020; [ sae’s fifth day in spain ]

“you miss me, itoshi sae?”

you can feel him rolling his eyes from the other end. “i should just hang up right now.”

“you could, but then you’d miss me even more.”

sae suppresses a grin, even if there’s no one around to see it. you’re right, but he doesn’t say anything.

it was rare for sae to call you at all. but then again, it is the first time you two had been apart since you got together. maybe it isn’t so weird after all.

“how’d practice go today?”

“it’s fine, nothing i couldn’t handle.” of course he’s fine, he’s the youngest on the team and yet it was as though he’d played the longest.

“of course it was fine, mr genius,” you tease, and he smiles because he knows you’re smiling too.

you can’t really remember how the rest of the conversation went. but you only remember this moment because it was the first time you realised that amidst all the times you’d pester him to go on a date with you, amidst all the times you asked him for a kiss, sae could miss you too.

SEPTEMBER 2020; [ sae comes back to japan soon ]

“hey so i was thinking, i’ll meet you at the airport?”

sae hums, “wanna see me that bad, huh?”

“shut up,” you snap at him, hating his quick tongue that so easily gets you flustered. “so i miss my handsome, successful boyfriend, big deal.”

he missed you too.

“am i just arm candy for you, y/n?”

“what? no—”

“too late. i’m offended. bye.”

then he actually hangs up on you.

it takes you half a second to pull up your message thread with him.

itoshi sae, you wanna die or something?

it takes him the same amount of time to respond to you.

y/n l/n, okay, then maybe i’d get some relief from you.

before you can even be actually offended, your phone vibrates again.

miss you too, stupid. see you tomorrow.

you can’t seem to rub the smile off your face.

FEBRUARY 2021; [ first valentines’ apart ]

it takes him three rings to pick up.

“happy valentines’, lover,” you giggle over the phone.

it’s been a few months since your about-to-go-pro soccer player boyfriend had gone back to spain, doing pro soccer player things. you miss him, especially since it’s the first time you guys are spending the romantic occasion apart.

it sucks that you couldn’t even spend new years with him. it’s okay though, you managed to video call him while you spent time with his family.

“think you got the wrong number.”

“itoshi—”

“open the door, smarty pants.”

“w-wait, what? did you send me something?”

you hurry over to your front door, not knowing what to expect. but you definitely didn’t expect sae to be there, in the flesh, sighing when you finally open your door, a pretty bouquet of flowers in his hand.

“what are you doing here?” you’re still shocked from his mere presence.

sae smirks, and you realise just how much you miss him. “think i got the wrong apartment, i was supposed to deliver these to my other girl—”

but you kiss him to shut him up. he’s full of nonsense, and so, so witty, and he’s here.

sae’s always claimed that it was not soccer stealing him from you, it was more the other way around. and he had been joking at the time he said that, but right now he thinks maybe there’s some truth to it.

if there’s anyone capable of having and getting him to willingly relinquish his attention from soccer, it’s you.

JUNE 2021; [ night of sae’s first PR event ]

“someone looks handsome,” you comment as you watch your boyfriend getting ready over the phone.

he has an entire entourage of people over at his hotel—they must be the makeup crew and stylists. his entire team is getting vip treatment for being champions of the league thanks to last week’s game. now, even more brands are trying to sponsor them and you really shouldn’t be surprised over the amount of girls going crazy over your boyfriend.

“and someone should really sleep,” sae pauses for a moment when the man beside him (presumably his stylist, because he’s double checking sae’s suit) asks a quick that your girlfriend?, to which sae says “yes.”

the man winks at you through the video. “lucky girl,” he comments, eyes back on the fabric he’s touching, “the only time i caught him smiling was while he was texting ya.”

you snicker through the phone as you watch sae’s face go beet red before frowning at you.

“he did not.”

his stylist is laughing at his reaction too. “totally did. i thought he was possessed.”

sae grabs the phone and relegates himself to the bathroom, glaring at you through the screen. he’s not mad at you, he’s just embarrassed and you know that. you’ve known him long enough now to tell his cues.

“i hope you know i hate you.”

he’s always all bark and no bite and you’re still laughing at him.

“aw, i hate you too, mr itoshi.”

“stop with the smart mouth before i find another contender for a mrs itoshi.”

you and sae had been staring at each other through the screen up until that point, when sae realised what he just said and has to look away.

“you… think i could be?”

neither you nor sae have ever broached another about the future, and sae has always been generally avoidant about it, which is why it makes you even more surprised that he’s the one who slipped up about it.

after a moment of silence, he sighs, trying to suppress a smile. it tugs at the edges of his lips, not really there but you can feel it.

“you know that one day you’ll be mrs itoshi, right?”

you don’t know that, he doesn’t know that, not until the day has come. but yeah, you really, really want to be.

OCTOBER 2022; [ sae’s birthday ]

“happy birthday, mr. itoshi,” you greet when he picks up the phone.

things had been rocky lately, admittedly. only because you and sae lived worlds apart.

sae is famous now, in both japan and europe, and it’s no surprise because he’s one of the best midfielders anyone has ever seen. his life is now full of the glitz and glam that you’re not even close to familiar with.

and you; you’re just a simple girl living in tokyo, with a normal life and normal friends and normal everything. except for the fact that sometimes people stalk you online because based on theories, you’re his girlfriend.

he was advised against confirming your identity with the press. for a myriad of reasons, apparently. and you’re fine with it, because yeah, you’re aware there are games to be played when you have his status. and it was fine with you, except for times when it’s not.

like how at his previous PR event he had to appear like he was dating some other celebrity. which was fine, but you’d be lying if you said it didn’t suck having to see your boyfriend appear intimate with someone else. even worse when you hear said someone else mention in multiple interviews that she’s always had a huge crush on him.

“thanks, though it kinda sucks today.”

but it’s fine; you’ve been with him long enough to know that sae isn’t the type to hurt you like that. so even if it’s rocky, it doesn’t stop you from loving him.

“why? i thought the guys were bringing you out drinking tonight.”

sae sighs. “that’s exactly why.”

you smile, thinking how sae is still the same sae you’ve always known. “you’ve been playing with them for more than a year now, i think one night out wouldn’t kill you, babe.”

“but they’re freaks.” and sae says that because they’re rowdy, noisy guys and he doesn’t even want to imagine them drunk.

“we both know they’re going to bother you to no end if you don’t go,” you point out, and sae relents. “and if you need an escape when you’re too tired, you could just use my name.”

you break into a grin because you know for a fact that sae uses you as an excuse to his publicist sometimes to not attend events.

“yeah, maybe i’ll tell ‘em the missus is angry,” he jokes, and you find yourself wishing you could hug him right now.

“have fun tonight, okay?” a little hesitance comes to you before you ultimately open your mouth, “i love you.”

sae chuckles, and he can’t even describe the relief that comes to him each time he hears you say those words.

“i love you too.”

DECEMBER 2022; [ the day you break ]

you don’t pick up his call.

when you saw the picture earlier, it’s like you’ve gone numb. and now everyone in the world will see the picture too. but you don’t really care. the images the paparazzi capture will die down after a while. the rumours will take longer.

right now you’re not even sure if your relationship is dead.

but you love him. you still do. and he’s still calling for what seems like the ninetieth time tonight.

this time you pick up.

“what?”

sae flinches on the other line because he’s not used to this coldness. “can i at least explain?”

you sniffle, gritting your teeth to stop your crying. “sure, why don’t you explain why i had to find out from the fucking news that you kissed someone else on your birthday?”

it’s that girl. the same celebrity you’ve seen ogling him and gushing over him and the one who has PR relations with him.

“i promise, she means nothing,” and you can hear the panic in sae’s voice. he sounds apologetic and manic and scared. “look, i-i was drunk, and she kissed me, and i pushed her off right after—”

“then why didn’t you tell me?” you yell back. because you’re sure that’s what happened. you believe him. but it wasn’t the fact that some other girl was so desperate for him that she’d do that, it was the fact that sae kept it from you.

sae can’t answer. he knows it, but he’s struggling to find the words. “i-i didn’t want you to misunderstand,” is all he can manage.

you pause for a while because you’re crying again, and sae can sense it even if you’re silent. he loves you and he’s killing himself for his stupid decisions.

“sae,” you call him, softly. “is that how much you know me?” because after all this time, you’d think he’d know better. you trusted him. a hundred percent. now? you’re not sure.

“please, y/n, i’m sorry, please just- forgive me?” and sae’s not sure how to do this. sae’s never had anyone he cared about this much other than you. you’re the only one and you forever will be. and he’s stupid and clueless outside of soccer but he’s always had you to hold his hand through this, yet now you feel further away from him than ever.

you’re quiet and he’s not sure what to expect. you’re just sniffling on the other side, not saying anything, and for the first time in his life, sae is afraid.

“babe, i—”

“don’t say it, sae,” you sigh, because you don’t want to think that he’s saying it just to appease you.

sae obeys, because he’s scared that just a little nudge would push you right off the edge. “i’m gonna fix this, okay? i’ll tell everyone that—”

“it’s fine,” you interject, your mind in shambles. you’re tired, and you really don’t know what to do about this when it’s so fresh in your heart. “i need to think things through anyway.”

“no- y/n, please, i—”

and for the first time ever, you’re the one who hangs up abruptly. then you turn off your phone because you know sae’s not going to stop but you really just don’t want to to feel bad about not picking up.

you still love him, but you’re just heartbroken right now.

sae stares at his phone after you hang up. he can hear his heart beating out of his chest and his breathing gets shallow. he tries to call you again but it’s not even ringing.

there’s only one thing he knows: he fucked up.

a stupid, stupid mistake which was grave enough to make you doubt everything and you’re right. this was on him for not opening his stupid mouth and just trusting that you’d understand.

for the first time ever, he heard what you sounded like when you’re hurt and he can’t forgive himself. not if he doesn’t do anything about it.

he gives up on trying to call you and pulls up his club’s coach’s contact instead. “sub someone else in for me tomorrow, i won’t be there.”

“what? what are you talking about? we can’t play without our star midfielder! it’s a big match against our home rivals—”

but everything he’s lecturing sae about falls on deaf ears because sae’s already packing his duffel bag and searching for his passport. he doesn’t even bother acknowledging anything before he hangs up, dialing his assistant’s number instead.

“i need to fly back to tokyo. immediately.”

his assistant’s distraught voice is apparent. “wha- um, you have a game tomorrow—”

“i don’t care. i need to fly now. get me a flight or you’re fired.”

“uh, but- um, the private jet’s not available—”

“then get me tickets on a commercial flight. i don’t fucking care about what kind of plane it is.”

yeah, because he only cares about fixing things with you. no one and nothing else, just you.

his assistant sighs because he knows he’s going to get in trouble for aiding sae. “fine, i’ll send you the details soon.”

JANUARY 2023; [ the present ]

it goes straight to voicemail. you still talk.

“you know, i hate you so much for not having a voicemail recording.”

you pause, the tears streaming down your face. you’re staring at your phone, at his instagram, at his last post. something he posted before his flight.

a picture of the both of you in private, in your room. he’s sitting behind you on the bed, his arms around your neck as he kisses your head and you take the picture.

it’s funny because he was forbidden from sharing any sort of those pictures yet he still did it anyway. you stare at the caption.

i love only you

“itoshi sae, how am i going to hear your voice now, huh?”

you’re already full-on crying now, as you have been for the last month.

“itoshi sae! talk to me, answer me!” you’re screaming but no one will ever hear you.

how can sae hear you? you’re unreasonable for expecting that.

“tell me how to reach you,” you wail into the receiver.

you’re painfully aware of what you’re getting now.

“i love you, mr. itoshi.”

there’s no one on the other line who’ll chuckle now. you can’t hear the same fondness in his voice when he says he loves you too. you can’t ever hear him joking with you again.

no more sighs, no more video calls, no more love. no more you know one day you’ll be mrs. itoshi, right?

you hang up and look at the note in your hand; something sae’s assistant passed to you on the day of his funeral.

a few weeks ago, sae asked me to get this for him. i know he wanted you to have this. before he left for tokyo, he told me to get this done for you at all costs. it was only ready a day after he left. i thought you might still like to have this. i’m sorry you have to go through this.

the gold velvet box sits heavy in your hand. it’s all of sae’s commitment to you, feelings for you—it’s all of his resolution in one tiny package and it’s heavy.

you open it, same as the countless times before.

it’s still beautiful. it’s shiny and four carats and princess cut because you were always his princess. inside the band, he has mrs itoshi engraved.

you know one day you’ll be mrs. itoshi, right?

you bring up his messages and play the last audio he sent to you.

“look, i know i fucked up and it was stupid of me to keep it from you. i’m sorry, okay? and i know you don’t want to speak to me right now but i can’t just sit around and do nothing. i love you, so i’m coming back home, and we’ll talk, and then… i promise you, nothing like this will happen again.”

you remember your last words to him and can’t help but to hate yourself. you should’ve told him one last time before you lost your chance.

if you’d just stayed on the line, he wouldn’t have come back. if he didn’t come back, he wouldn’t have gotten into that cab. if he didn’t get into that cab, he wouldn’t have been in that fatal accident in shibuya.

staring at the ring, calling his number, getting no response, visiting his plot and running into rin. and repeat. that’s all life is now.

sometimes you wear the ring to pretend he’s still here. to pretend he’s already proposed and you’re waiting for him to come back from spain.

you’re probably at voicemail #314 now.

mrs itoshi stares at you until you’re crying all over again.

you’ll never hear his voice again. never hear his laugh. never get to hug him, or pick fights with him. you’ll never get to feel his broad shoulders or his strong arms around your body. you won’t get to go home ever again.

you’ll never be mrs itoshi now.

#bllk x reader #itoshi sae x reader #sae x reader #sae itoshi x reader #blue lock x reader #sae x you #sae x y/n #itoshi sae x you #itoshi sae x y/n #blue lock x you #blue lock x y/n #bllk x you #bllk x y/n #itoshi sae angst #blue lock angst #bllk angst #૪ aeri’s fics !

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flightlessangelwings · 1 year

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Those Three Words

Comandante Veracruz x fem!reader "Cariño" Word count- 2.2k Warnings- smut (18+ ONLY!), roughish sex, feelings, arguments, squirting, creampie, wall sex, pussy slapping, multiple orgasms, no use of y/n Notes- This is it y'all! After about 60k words, we finally get a feelings confession! Out loud! On purpose! And just in time for Valentines Day lol! Big thank you to @ithinkhesgaybutwesavedmufasa for the initial idea for how this goes! This follows the events of the unofficial series but can be read on its own. Enjoy! To stay up to date on when I post, feel free to also follow my update blog and turn on post notifs @flightlessangelwings-updates

Fresh air and sunshine hit your face as you walked down the street. It had been some time since you got outside, and you were determined to enjoy every moment of it. And while you understood and appreciated when Veracruz kept you in his apartment for weeks for your own protection, the isolation started to get to you.

It was the first time your life had actually been threatened, and Veracruz did not handle it well. He went through every length he could to keep you protected, and yet he still faced the nightmare of seeing you at the end of a gun. It was something he hated, and something he never wanted to relive. So, he made you promise to stay inside for a while until he was sure there were no more threats against you.

And you trusted the comandante to keep you safe. You trusted his judgment, and you knew he would protect you at all costs. At first too, you were too afraid to leave the sanctity of his apartment… his bedroom. But, as the weeks passed and no other threats came up, your sense of urgency faded.

His didn’t though.

So, one day when he was out, you decided enough was enough and you set outside for the first time in weeks. You didn’t go far, just to the store and for a walk around the neighborhood, but it was enough to satisfy you. And you tried to time it so that you would be back before Veracruz got home.

You hummed to yourself as you unlocked the door to his apartment and let yourself in. It was quiet, and you figured you got away with it as you set your things down. But, the sound of a throat clearing made your heart sink in your chest.

Slowly, you turned around and saw Veracruz in the middle of the apartment, his gun in his hand and a flustered look on his face. The flash of fear quickly melted away when you met his gaze and his expression morphed into more of a scowl as the anger set in.

“And where were you today, cariño?” Veracruz snapped as he slammed his gun down.

Your heart pounded in your chest as he looked at you with rage in his eyes. But, you fought to keep your cool; you knew he would never hurt you, “I just went down the street to get some things, V.”

Veracruz scoffed, “Did I not tell you to stay here?” his tone was louder and harsher than he meant to be as he lashed out at you, “I gave you orders to stay here!” he shouted as he stepped closer towards you.

“Orders?!” you scoffed, “V I’m not one of your soldiers!”

“No you are not,” he roared, “My soldiers know how to listen to me!”

“I do listen to you V,” angry tears filled your eyes, “But you can’t keep me locked up here forever. You know that!”

“Well you could have fooled me! Why must you be so fucking brainless sometimes?!”

“Why are you being such an asshole about this, V?!” you snapped, “I just went down the street. I’m fine. Nothing happened!”

“You are infuriatingly stubborn, cariño,” he shouted back.

“I thought you liked that I’m not a pushover,” you didn’t back down, “I don’t get why you’re so angry! I’m fine!” you paused and stared at him before you added with a softer voice, “Is it because you love me?”

Veracruz roared back without hesitation, “Yes!”

You froze.

He froze.

For several long moments, neither of you moved, too lost in the other’s eyes and emotions to say anything. You didn’t expect him to say yes, and especially not so quickly. And Veracruz’s own feelings caught even himself off guard. Heavy breaths were the only sound in the room for what felt like an eternity, and the tension was so palpable that you could cut it with a knife.

You were the first to move. You took a deep breathing, gathering your strength and your courage before you spoke, “Then say it.”

Veracruz scoffed as he rolled his eyes and placed his hands on his hips, “You know I do, cariño. Have my actions not proven that? Or do I need to count out the number of men I have killed for you?”

“I want to hear it,” you kept yourself steady, “Out loud. To my face,” tears filled the corners of your eyes out of anger and emotions, “No skirting around it. Not when I’m asleep. Not when you’re between my legs distracting me. Not when…”

“I LOVE YOU!”

A gasp escaped your throat. Even if that was what you wanted, hearing those three words out loud made you feel even more emotional than you expected. And you certainly thought he needed more convincing to say them.

Veracruz huffed as he threw his hands in the air and paced in circles. All the while, he dissolved into a flurry of Spanish rambling about how much you drove him crazy and how insufferable you were and he didn’t know why he loved you.

But his tirade was cut short when you crossed the room, grabbed his collar and slammed your lips against his. Veracruz’s eyes went wide for a moment as you pressed your body against his, your mouth covering his own. But, he quickly regained his composure and grabbed onto your hips and kissed you back with equal passion.

Veracruz turned you around and while your lips parted for him, he backed you up against the nearest wall. He swallowed the moan you let out and used your momentarily distraction to deepen the kiss more. He groaned as he bucked his hips against yours as he pinned you to the wall.

“You are fucking insufferable, cariño,” he murmured lowly in your ear.

“Takes one to know one, V.”

Veracruz scoffed, but you felt the flash of his smirk against your skin as he nosed your neck. His hands ran down your body and landed on your hips in order to yank you flush against him. You whimpered as you arched your back, desperate to feel as much of Veracruz’s strong body against you. Heat quickly rose between the two of you as he tugged at your clothes, making quick work of stripping you.

Instead of simply surrendering this time, you pulled at his clothes with just as much need. Most times, you were content for him to stay clothed while he laid you bare, but this time was different. This time, feelings were truly and completely involved. You wanted- needed- to feel his bare skin against yours. Nothing laid between the two of you emotionally anymore, and you didn’t want anything physical to barrier you from your comandante.

He growled in your ear as clothes flew off your bodies in a flurry. Both of you panted heavily as desperation rose between you, as if you didn’t fuck right then and there, the world would implode. To both of you, though, it truly felt like that. Veracruz couldn’t face the world without you there, as much as it pained him to admit it. And you… you never wanted to be without him.

In a flash, Veracruz spun you around the moment you were naked and you huffed as your face was suddenly smashed against the wall. You whined with need as you drove your ass against his body in a silent plea for him.

“Impatient today, cariño,” Veracruz murmured in a low groan as he pumped his cock a few times.

“Says the man who is about to fuck me against the living room wall,” you quipped back with a smirk.

Veracruz cursed under his breath, but the desire was too great to argue. He rocked his hips against yours, the tip of his cock nudging against your folds. Groans from both of you echoed in the room as he felt how wet you were, and you felt how hard he was. You felt Veracruz’s cock twitch against your body, and as much as you wanted this right now, part of you wished you could see his face.

But Veracruz couldn’t see yours either as you rested your forehead against the wall and clung to it to hold yourself upright. He knew you well enough though to know that your mouth hung open as your eyes fluttered shut. He felt the heat from your body, especially from your core where his cock hovered.

With a low growl, Veracruz couldn’t hold back anymore, he grabbed your hip with one hand as he pushed himself into you. Both of you let out gasps as he filled you. Slowly at first, Veracruz savored the warmth of you at surrounded him as he heard your nails scratch at the wall. But when you let out a loud moan, he slammed himself fully the rest of the way inside you, filling you to the brim.

You cried out in pleasure as you threw your head back and welcomed the comandante inside your body. He immediately started pounding into you, holding your hips as he set his harsh and past pace.

Skin slapped against skin as Veracruz rocked into you over and over again. Moans and screams and grunts filled the room as he thrust his cock with precision. Veracruz gritted his teeth as he watched his length disappear inside you again and again. It was hard and fast and rough and needy, just like times before when he fucked you. Yet, despite the familiarity, this time felt different.

This time was different because he was more raw than he had ever been before. This time was different because for the first time in his life, Veracruz confessed his feelings out loud. This time was different because this meant this was more than just sex, and you both knew it for certain. You had told him you loved him before, but he never spoke those words out loud… until now.

“Mine,” Veracruz growled as he yanked your hips up and pulled your body up so that your back was flush against his chest.

You let out a heavy exhale as you felt your body pulled like you were a ragdoll, but because it was Veracruz… your V… you didn’t care. Your hands stayed on the wall in front of you to brace yourself as your eyes opened and you looked up at the ceiling. But, your eyes quickly closed again when Veracruz bit down on the sensitive skin at the base of your neck.

You screamed as you clenched your inner muscles around his cock, causing him to groan against your skin. Both you and Veracruz felt like you were drowning as you swam in your passions. His hands gripped you tightly, as if he told you without the words that he was never letting you go.

And you never wanted him to let you go. You were his. And he was yours. You loved Veracruz. And he…

“Let me feel you cum, cariño,” Veracruz growled in your ear as he sped up his pace, “Show me what is mine. Show me what belongs to me.”

“V…” you moaned as you felt your skin tingle, “I’m yours… All yours… Please…”

“All mine…”

When Veracruz snaked a hand around your body and rubbed at your clit, the dam broke. Your climax hit without warning as you came with a loud scream. You slumped forward as your entire body trembled and you felt yourself gush. Your head leaned against the wall once more as you felt Veracruz’ cock hit your sweet spot over and over again, the entire time he growled and groaned as he felt you come apart around his cock.

“It’s it cariño…” he cooed as he slapped your pussy and clenched his jaw. It took every once of willpower within him to hold off his own orgasm, but he knew it would be worth it.

You screamed as he slapped your overly sensitive clit over and over again until you came for a second time. Your nails ripped into the wall, screeching the wallpaper there, but neither of you cared. All that mattered was Veracruz, and you moaned his name over and over again as you rode out your second climax right after your first.

“Fuck…” he groaned as he couldn’t hold back any longer. With a low growl of your name, Veracruz thrust himself as deep as he could into you as he spilled himself deep inside your body. Wave after wave of pleasure crashed through both your bodies as you rode out your highs on each other’s bodies.

Fully spent, Veracruz wrapped his arm around you and slumped forward, joining you against the wall. His cock slipped out of you as he lunged forward, causing you both to gasp, but he never let you go. Neither of you spoke or moved for several moments, and the sounds of heavy breaths were the only sound in the room.

“Hey V…” you broke the silence first.

“Hmm?”

“I love you,” you whispered without moving, your face still buried into the wall.

He huffed and you felt the smile in even just the short exclamation, “And I…” he paused, “Love you too cariño,” he paused again before he added more sternly, “Do not get used to hearing that every day.”

You let out a short laugh; he truly was much more agreeable after you two had sex, “Of course not,” you smirked, “A man has his reputation to keep after all.”

Veracruz scoffed.

“I know you do though,” you added in a soft tone, “And you know I do too.”

“That I do cariño,” he agreed as he stroked your body, “That I do.”

254 notes · View notes

twoidiotwriters1 · 9 months

Text

Four months after Ara makes the biggest decision of her life, her adoptive brother, Percy, goes missing with no explanation. In the midst of struggling to come to terms with her new responsibilities and the way she's perceived around camp, Ara meets Leo.

Birth is a Curse and Existence is a Prison

Thanks for Checking in! I'm Still a Piece of Garbage

Mom? Pick Me up, the Kids are being Mean

I'm Straight-Up Not Having a Good Time

Memory Lane Has Too Many Stops and I Keep Getting Carsick

Mom Gives Her Silliest Battles to Her Most Tragic Clowns

Save Money on Valentine's Day, Become Unlovable

I Commit a Hate Crime

I Handle It Like a Champ

Just Because I Have Fashion Sense Doesn't Mean I Have Common Sense

I'm The Whole Dam Circus

You Killed My T-Rex, Prepare to Die

I Need Emotional Support

Horrors Beyond YOUR Comprehension, I Comprehend Them Just Fine

No I Don't Make Sense, Stop Asking

I Miss Ten Seconds Ago When I Didn't Know This Guy Existed

Never Been More Offended by Something I 100% Agree With

The Risk I Took was Calculated, but I'm sooo Bad at Math

Why Am I Still Here? Just to Suffer?

My Fiance Threatens to Set Us on Fire

Prodigal Assholes Return

They Had Us in The First Half, Not Gonna Lie

I Hope This Doesn't Awaken Anything in Me

Disappointed but Not Surprised

If You Need Me, I'll Be In a Bad Mood

Leo Survives the Vibe Check

I Don't Have High Hopes but I Think Leara Should Be Our Ship Name

Teen Girls Experience the Horrors of Liking Boys

Not the Reunion You Wanted but the Reunion I Needed

It's Been (0) Days Since I Almost Died

In My Defense, I Was Left Unsupervised

I Ask My Bestie for Advice on the Stupid Thing I Did Already

The Slowest Slow-burn Becomes a Wild-fire

I'm Sorry I'm This Way, I Was (Mostly) Raised by Other Children

This Barbie is Consumed by Guilt

Kinda Want to Kiss Him, Kinda Want to Push Him Into Traffic

We Ran Out of Chill Pills

They'll Get Over It, They Just Gotta Be Dramatic First

Fates' First Mistake Was Giving Me a Body, the Second? A Will

Teenage Boy Experiences Worst Nightmare (Meeting His Girlfriend's Dad)

Source(s): Dude, Trust Me

Local Dumbass Knew What She Was Getting Into and Did It Anyways

It Got Too Fluffy, I Had to Do Something About That

Last Update: Nov 28th, 2023 by Danny

Book two: The Curse of Oenone, coming soon!

Join the taglist!

#twoidiots writing #pjo hoo toa #pjo fandom #leo valdez x oc #percy jackson #heroes of olympus #pjo fanfic #leo valdez fanfic

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boogiewrites · 1 year

Text

Seeing Stars Pt. 20

Star pulls away from Eddie and everyone notices what poor shape she's in. It only escalates when Star receives news that devastates her. The heightened emotions and opposing views of the situation lead Eddie to feel hopeful while Star is as low as she's ever been. This leads to a conversation that neither was ready to truly have.

CW: (I'm sorry.) Discussions of former abuse, gaslighting, etc. Poor self-image inner monologue. Verbal argument with yelling.

Part 1 if you missed it!

Star had managed to put some space between her and Eddie. The cost of the self-imposed whipping of sorts caused her to be constantly exhausted. She picked up more shifts or worked longer hours. She studied and hung out with Robin and Steve. She spent one night a week with Eddie, down from almost every night they’d slowly worked up to.

She hated herself, she was depressed and it showed. Everyone around her saw it and she brushed it off. The circles under her eyes and poor posture were dead giveaways. She never did her hair or makeup and wore all dark colors despite spring being on the horizon. Eddie had noticed of course but was giving her space. Ever since Valentine's Day, she’d been distant. He suspected she might’ve remembered what happened after she was no longer puking her guts out. But she never said anything. He never asked. They kept their movie nights, she’d fall asleep on him on the couch and he’d carry her to bed. It was the only night they both slept well anymore.

Star had broken herself. She’d mixed up sugar and salt and ruined an entire batch of dough at work. Her boss told her to go home. Even they saw how tired and frazzled she was and looked at her with pity.

She went to Family Video before going home.

“Muppets again?” Robin asked.

“It’s my comfort movie,” Star mumbled.

“How much comfort are you needing? I thought you rented it a lot before but the past month you’ve gotten it once a week.” Steve interjected.

“I need a lot.” was her dead-eyed response.

“You okay?” Robin asked with a wince.

“No, not really. Not in a kill-myself way though. More in the never-ending emotional and spiritual crisis so I have to constantly distract myself so I don't have a thought or I’ll cry so much I’ll throw up.” She said it so casually, leaning on the countertop.

“Jesus Star,” Steve whispered.

“I’m being honest.” She shrugged.

“Aren’t you already seeing a shrink?” Steve said tilting his head.

“Yep. They’re tired of my shit.” She laughed and rubbed her face. “I’m tired of my shit. Everyone is. So I’m better off alone. Which is why I’m going home after getting booted from work for being a dumb ass and watching my stupid little movie with its stupid little puppets.”

“You got fired?” Steve moved up the edge of the counter.

“No, no. I messed up a big batch of dough because I’m too tired to focus and they asked me to go home. Said they could tell I was tired. It was fine. I think.”

“I don’t think you’re fine.”

“I’m baseline.”

“You sound crazy.”

“I mean I’m not anything I’m not okay or good or fine I’m just-“ she held her hands out. “Here.”

“Did Eddie give you something too strong I will kick his ass if he did?” Steve whispered.

“No this is just me depressed. Leave Eddie out of it.” She muttered and both her friends knew exactly what the problem was.

“Did he do something?”

“No. He’s great. I’m the asshole.” She said with no hint of joking.

“Ohhh.” They both nodded in unison.

“Did you fuck it up?” Robin asked with a wrinkled nose. Star did always appreciate Robin's forward nature.

“I don’t think so no. I’m just.” She let out a sigh. “I don’t want to talk about it. I’m having a lot of feelings that I’m not equipped to deal with yet.”

“Uh-huh.” Steve had a knowing grin. “I knew it would happen eventually.”

“Shut up.” Star snatched her bag off the counter.

“Somebody’s in love.”

“Somebody’s making me wonder if I could get out of a murder charge.” She glared.

“So what? You fell in love with Eddie. Go for it, you’re both stupid for each other. Just let the guy in.” He insisted.

“I think she’s trying and can’t,” Robin cut into Steve’s light-hearted advice. “That’s what ‘a lot of feelings I’m not equipped to deal with’ means right?”

“I don’t like that you two are secret geniuses that can read me like this.” She whispered leaning over with a finger on the counter.

“We aren’t geniuses, dingus.” Robin smiled.

“Yeah, we’re just your friends. Friends notice this stuff.” Star blinked for a moment and in her fragile state, the words made her heart feel the weight of them. They saw her bottom lip pout out and quiver.

“Oh god, what?” Robin panicked and pushed away.

“You are my friends.” She said as tears rose and fell fast.

“Oh geez,” Steve mumbled and hopped over the counter. “You know we’re your friends you… big crybaby.” He hugged her.

“Not helping.” Robin shook her head.

“She’s exhausted, she’s worked herself up in her head about her feelings and she’s run away from them until they’ve caught up to her.” He pats her back. “I’ve been there. Go smoke and sleep. Get a full night's rest. Drink some water. Eat. You’ll feel better.”

“I need an exorcism,” Star said from his chest and it made them all smile.

“If you go home and rest and tomorrow you still feel like you need an exorcist I’ll get you one. Deal?”

“A young priest and an old priest.” Robin chuckled.

“Fine.” She grumbled. “Deal.”

Star knew to an extent Steve was right. She went home, downed the tallest glass she had of water, then ate leftovers. She smoked, had some tea, and a sleeping pill, and the next thing she knew it was 12 hours later.

So Steve was right. So what?

She did feel better. Not great but at least she wasn’t falling apart at the seams. She wasn’t filled with jitters and doom. She could think about Eddie without wanting to cry which was a great start. She lazed, deservedly so. She flipped through her neglected journal, the air thick with gray from tea, incense, and weed. She landed on the last pencil drawing of Eddie she’d done. She traced her fingers over his goofy expression. She loved how expressive his face was. She loved the smile lines and dimples, the crow's feet that appeared when he smiled big or laughed. She sat back in a nest of pillows and sighed. Being in love felt amazing. She loved how warm and fuzzy she felt when she thought about him or was near him.

She’d never felt a positive emotion so intense before. She didn’t know she could. The thought of losing it froze her with fear. She imagined being with him and it made her feel selfish. Would she put her life on pause for his? Could she put someone’s needs before her own? Could she take care of him like she thought he deserved? She was in a common predicament of being so afraid of losing something that she never tried to have it in the first place. That fear of failure, of disappointment, of her showing him her truth and him telling her one day it’s not good enough. He'd wisen up and see she wasn’t a good person, that she wasn’t good enough for him. The idea that she’d try and fail threatened her. Because then her ex would be right. Then what else was he right about if he was right about that?

She felt like a fraud waiting to be found out. Like the person she’d become while in Hawkins wasn’t truly her. She was fooling everyone. Somehow she’d gotten so good at pretending to not be a selfish immature whore that she’d convinced herself of it too. The big feelings came back. She took some deep breaths and a deep drag. A knock on her door startled her out of her hazy nest. She stared at the door in silence like it might tell her something. She didn’t move, only sat up crossed-legged.

“Hey? Star?” She’d know the voice anywhere. She hadn’t expected him, she thought he had band practice today.

“Eddie?” She asked as if she didn’t know. “You can come in.” She quickly followed up. He looked in carefully at first as if he expected something unpleasant. But she was there with still damp hair in a robe in a nest of pillows. “Don’t you have band practice?”

“Gareth sprained his wrist and Jeff dislocated his finger this week trying to reenact a match from Wrestlemania.” He shook his head. “So they’re out of commission.”

“That’ll do it.” She mused with pressed lips.

“I thought I might come to see you instead.” He fully walked into the trailer, not making the move to get comfortable just yet.

“Yeah, that’s fine. I wasn’t doing much.” She closed her journal and sat it to the side.

“How are you feeling?” He asked taking off his coat. Star squinted his eyes at him. He looked back at her while rubbing the back of his neck. A sign of nervousness.

“Why?”

“You just seemed like you’ve not been doing that great lately?” He half shrugged and tentatively approached her.

“Did Steve-?”

“Yeah, Steve called me.” He admitted with a huff.

“And what did Steve say?” She inquired leaning with her elbows to her knees.

“That you came to see him at the store and you were acting out of it and looked like shit and almost got fired.” He chuckled because he assumed Steve was being a touch dramatic. He did like to weave a big story.

“Good to have honest friends.” She sighed.

“What happened?”

“I ran myself ragged running from my problems and I hit a wall. I mixed sugar and salt up and ruined the dough. Boss sent me home and told me to rest. I think it’s fine. I was just running on empty.”

“You seem… okay? Better now?”

“I slept for 12 hours.” She smacked her lips together.

“That will help almost anything. You don’t have the dark circles as bad anymore.”

“They were that bad huh?”

“Steve might’ve called me to come to check on you but you have been… different the past month or so. I feel like I barely see you and you’re always working.”

“That’d be because I have been.”

“Are you okay?” Genuine interest as he put his hand on her knee.

“No and yes. I’m just an idiot.” She laughed at herself. “I used to do hard drugs and go out and sleep with strangers to run from my problems before and I don’t do that anymore so I don’t know how to deal with myself. So I’m overwhelmed and my brain won’t shut the hell up. Like ever. And I’m anxious and depressed and I feel like my therapist hates me right now.”

“That’s… a lot.” He didn’t know how to respond. “I mean it’s good you’re not-hard drugs? Wait what?”

“Yeah. I did coke when things got really bad.” She admitted with an apologetic baring of her teeth. “There were a few months where I went a little off the rails.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah, it was shit. Bullshit.” She clarified with a nod. “Just plants for me now.” She handed him the bowl next to her bed and he took a hit.

“Well, I’m glad you stopped. And you’re just a lazy stoner now.”

“Me too.” They shared a sympathetic smile for a moment.

“Is there anything I can help you with? I mean you sound like you’ve got a lot going on. You can talk to me about anything. You know that right?”

“I know.” She looked away and it made his curiosity grow. “I don’t want to talk about it. I think about it constantly I’d like to take the thoughts out of my head, not working them over more.” She put her fingers to her temples.

“If you need to- want to talk I mean. I'm here. You can.” He reassured her.

“Thanks.” She met his eyes again. “You’re very sweet.”

“Don’t tell anyone.” He whispered and it made her smile. “I feel like a shitty friend. I wanna help but I don’t know what to do.”

“Nothing you can do, hun. Unless you can turn my brain off.”

“That sounds like a weird way of saying kill someone.” He blurted out the intrusive thought.

“It does. Creative.” She chuckled, relieved she could still smile and laugh. Of course, he’d be the one that could force it out of her.

“Well, what do you mean turn it off?”

“I want my racing thoughts to stop. I don’t wanna be so focused on my bullshit that upsets me. I’ve not taken care of myself properly. I’ve not cooked or cleaned or even… taken care of myself.” She admitted with slumped shoulders. “Hell. In any sense of the word.” She rolled her eyes. Eddie chewed his lip, eyes in unintentional puppy mode as he thought about how to help.

“Turn your brain off…” he muttered. “Distraction. Right?”

“Movies don’t work. I’ve tried. Not even the muppets can save me.”

“Okay, so no movies.” He chuckled and tried again. “I’m assuming smoking…?”

“Helps sometimes but then sometimes it makes me focus on it too much.” He frowned but not at her, he was feeling useless. “I don’t mean to shoot your ideas down I’ve just already tried them. I need like- Clockwork Orange tied down and eyes pried open level shit.” She laughed. Eddie’s head perked up.

“We can do that.” He said as if it were a normal Response.

“I wasn’t serious, dude.”

“I’m not gonna pry your eyes open but I can certainly tie you down.” The tone shift in his voice was ever so subtle.

“Are you talking about what I think you are?”

“Depends on what you’re thinking?”

“It always turns to sex with us doesn’t it?” She sighed and didn’t know how she felt about the statement.

“You have to admit it’s a hell of a distraction.” He offered in confidence.

“I’ve not been able to get my mind in the right headspace for it.”

“I like to think I know how to help with that.” he shrugged, sensing her hesitation.

“You do. But my mind’s not in it right now.” she shook her head, and he could see the remnants of circles still under her eyes as she looked away at nothing in particular.

“Sex doesn’t work as a distraction like it used to?”

“I slept with strangers. It didn’t mean anything back then.” she paused, her voice quiet. “So, no.” a sigh followed. Eddie’s chin pushed back into his neck, a giveaway he was uncertain and his mind was processing. Eddie was afraid of the picture he was piecing together in his head of what was wrong. He was slowly convincing himself that it was what he’d been preoccupied with as well. Except he wasn’t hesitant at all. He was ready. More than willing to talk about it. But he could practically feel the wall she’d built around herself again, the same as she’d had when he met her.

“Then how about-” he started with gumption and no idea who he’d finish, hoping something miraculous would come to him as he spoke. But it didn’t. He frowned, slumping back and putting his hands in his lap.

“I know,” she said with the same sadness. “I’m not trying to be a dick. I’m still trying to be honest. Right now that means that nothing can help me but myself.”

“Do you want me to leave?” the tone made Star’s chest ache for him. She finally met his eyes, finding them just as heartbreaking. She wanted him around, desperately. He wasn’t the problem. She was. And she saw she was dismissing him and his enthusiasm just like every other asshole had. So she reached out to take his hand, he looked at it and felt relieved.

“No.” she shook her head confidently. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I should just try a movie. I haven’t today. Since I slept maybe it’d be a good time to try again.”

“You have something here you wanna watch?” he perked up, still hesitant but sliding his fingers between hers.

“How about you pick?”

“You sure?”

“Surprise me.”

So they settled in her bed, Eddie behind and her by his side. He only let his arm fall over her side, sometimes he’d hold her hand, lacing fingers together or mindless tracing along her skin. He was gentle and present. That’s what she needed. She silently cried, hiding away from his eyes a few times watching his ringed, larger hands caress her own. She saw how perfectly they laced together. How despite the callouses she found the scratch comforting. Because it was distinctly Eddie. It was getting late, they’d popped in movie after movie. Star was fading fast, worn out from emotion.

“I need to be home when Wayne gets back tonight. Is that okay? Do you need me to stay?”

“It’s fine. I’ll be fine.”

“You sure?” he asked, leaning over to kiss her cheek.

“Promise.” she gave him a tired, soft smile.

“You need me to take you to school?”

“No, I’m good. Morning drives alone help me clear my head.”

“If you change your mind, call me. I don’t mind.” She smiled up at him like he was her world at that moment. Because he was. He saw the love in her eyes, he felt it in his bones.

“I know,” she whispered and touched his cheek. “I will if I need to. Don’t worry about me.”

“Impossible.” a pure affectionate peck to the lips was laid down on her before he moved to leave. They said goodnight without much fuss. He left her cozy in bed, hoping she’d seem better tomorrow at school.

Star took her cards from her bedside table. She was filled with dread. She figured she’d get insulted again. But she figured it was what she deserved.

“What am I gonna do about him?” she asked.

Death reversed was their answer.

She needed to change. That was clear. She sighed, accepting their take on things. She knew she needed to change, if only she didn’t feel so hopeless about her ability to.

Star had just pulled herself from bed. Her morning tea wasn’t even ready when Robbie knocked on her door.

“It’s me.” a greeting to distinguish him from Eddie. He didn’t want to be greeted by his sister naked or some other horror that would be burnt into his retinas.

“C’mon.” he heard from inside. He lugged his large body into the trailer, seeing her hair still a mess from sleep. She was barely awake.

“I’ve got bad news,” he stated flatly. He didn’t know how else to start this conversation. Star’s eyes moved the piece of paper in his hand. “I’m not good at this shit,” he mumbled, holding it up and looking at it.

“What is it?” she turned the stove burner off, her eyes already large and full of fear.

“Uh…” he took a deep breath and rubbed the back of his neck. “Pretty much the worst news you could get apart from someone you care about dying.” his face was apologetic, hard, and indifferent trying to prepare himself for what was about to happen. “You want me to read it or do you want to?” She held out her hand and took the paper, it shook as she turned it toward herself. He watched her face fall and it broke his heart to see it. The color drained from it visibility. She wobbled and let herself knock against the counter for support. The paper made an audible sound as it shook in her hand.

“Already?” her voice broke, it was small and terrified.

“Good behavior it says.” he elaborated, poised to catch her if she fell.

“It’s too soon,” she whispered, tears hot and silently falling. She said it only to force it into existence, the truth of it. She knew there would be no answers from Robbie.

“Read to the end,” he said stepping closer. She did so and felt a hiccup caught in her chest. She put the paper down, her eyes red and streaming, but her face remained untelling. She was in shock. “You can go and speak against it. He might not be granted it. It’s not a for sure thing.” he tried to help, he really did. But there was no help for something like this. All there was was to feel it.

“I have to go tell more fucking strangers about what he did to me?” Her face broke, the facade falling away as her lips trembled and her hands started to tremor. “I have to talk about it. Out loud to a row of fucking suits who don’t give a shit. A row of MEN. And tell them how the man that’s right in front of them... in front of ME -oh god I’ll have to see him. Fuck, he’ll see ME.” sobs took her over as she collapsed against the comfort of her older brother. He’d held her every time she’d cried about her ex up to this point. At least when it came to dealing with the legal aspect of it. Robbie wasn’t an emotional guy. He was no match for dealing with a baby sister with a broken heart, let alone a baby sister who had fought so hard and relieved so much horror to get the guy that did it put away. And now they’re saying they might let him out. For good behavior. Robbie shook his head, as angry as Star was hurt. There was no simple answer to this. This was going to be messy and terrible no matter how it ended.

Eddie felt shitty all morning. He hadn’t seen Star before class and he couldn’t see her car in the parking lot. He felt uneasy about it. She said she’d be there. A snap in front of his face drew him out of his low-browed concern.

“Dude. Hello?” Gareth waved exaggeratedly in his face next to him at the lunch table.

“Sorry,” he muttered, shaking his head.

“What’s up with you?” Dustin asked boldly. Eddie blinked, pausing before deciding how to answer that.

“You all would give me shit for it if I told you.” everyone was concerned now, seeing his face solemn and serious.

“All the more reason to tell us.” Mike grinned wide.

“Star’s not here. And she said she’d be here. I saw her last night and she seemed…okay enough. I can’t shake the feeling something’s wrong.”

“She’s been weird as hell lately, man. I’m sure it’s fine.” Gareth waves his hand to dismiss the worry.

“You think something’s wrong?” Dustin asked more seriously, zeroing in on Eddie.

“I don’t know how to explain it. And don’t fucking make fun of me for saying this but she and I have this… connection and we know when the other is not okay.”

“Awww.” Jeff teased. “Cute.”

“And you’re feeling that now?” Dustin ignored the light-hearted teasing, and so did Eddie.

“Yeah.” a quit nod, chewing the inside of his cheek.

“Then go?” Dustin stated obviously.

“Yeah?” Eddie perked up a bit a the support.

“Listen I don’t know what the hell I believe, but if she can find you when you’re getting beat up. I don’t think you knowing when something is wrong is that crazy.” he threw his hands up in exasperation for not knowing the answer to something.

“You’re right,” Eddie said immediately jumping into action. “I got sick if anyone asks. Not that anyone gives a shit.” he shrugged and shook his head, already walking away.

Eddie pulled up, a bit recklessly as the sight of Robbie on the stoop smoking wasn’t giving him any reason to feel relief.

“What happened?”

Robbie looked confused, his head turning at the wild-looking young man.

“Did she call you?” he asked.

“No. I just… she wasn’t at school and I felt something was wrong.” he shrugged, and Robbie saw in his face was just as lost as he was about that statement.

“She’s in the trailer. I don’t know if you wanna see her like this.”

“Robbie,” he stated, now mere steps away from the dauntingly sized man. “I’m in love with your sister. I want to see her no matter what’s going on,” he said with such conviction, fully with his chest that Robbie sat up straight at the effect the words had. Robbie nodded, taking another drag and his time. Proud of Eddie for saying it out loud. He hope he was right about it.

“It’s bad.” Robbie solemnly said with a nod, looking away.

“Did someone die?” Eddie was frazzled, his shoulders tense and up near his ears.

“You’ll need to calm down and gather yourself before you go in there. She’s a mess so you’ll need to be the strong one.”

“Who died?”

“No one. Unfortunately.” The hate for Bobby was clear in his voice.

“Oh no,” Eddie whispered, getting a feeling from his tone.

“Yeah. Him again.” Robbie was as mad as Eddie had ever seen him. Robbie was subtle, always. But a clear clench of jaw gave enough away. “We got a letter saying he was up for parole.”

“You’re fucking kidding me.” Eddie put his hand over his mouth in shock, his voice a rasp, rhetorical.

“For good behavior.” Robbie let out a rather chaotic laugh. A break in his calm exterior. “Imagine that.” he rolled his eyes and threw his head back.

“Will he come after her? Does he know where she is? Do we-?” a million questions, and all right pass through Eddie’s head as quickly as they fall out of his mouth. Robbie held up his hand to stop him.

“She can talk to the board at the hearing and tell them why he shouldn’t be released.”

“Shit.” he bent over, his hands on his knees. “This just keeps getting better.” he hung his head and let out a guttural groan of frustration.

“That’s what I thought too.” Robbie was flat again, eyes staring into the far treeline.

“Fuck she’s got to be…” he stood facing the trailer, hands to his cheeks.

“A train wreck,” Robbie said flatly, looking down at the cracked cement beneath him.

“I already couldn’t help her. She was already feeling bad. I don’t…” he shrugged, his arms slapping against his sides sloppily. “What do I fuckin’ do, man?” he was raw and honest, his face showing his frustration as he looked to Robbie for help.

“All you can do is be there.” he shook his head. “We’re helpless. Useless right now.” he sucked his teeth. “I’ve been through this before. In a way.” he shrugged subtly. “You listen. You hold her. You tell her you’ll be there for it all. That she’s not alone. That you’ll do anything you can to help. Because she knows it’s all on her. Again.” he put his hands over his face, feeling the threat of tears in his eyes. “Shit,” he whispered. “She doesn’t deserve to go through this again.” his head shook but his hands remained. “Just when she was starting to get her shit together.” he groaned, a tiny release of the hot anger he felt inside.

“I’ll stay with her.” Eddies voice was calm and quiet, knowing he had to be the one to keep it together for both of them right now. They’d been through enough.

“Yeah, go on kid.” Robbie motioned his head toward the trailer. “If you’re gonna be with her…” he sighed and lowered his hands. “Then this is your role now.”

“I know.” Eddie was still quiet, eyes moving but not focused. “I’ve got this.” he hyped himself up, a small jump and shake before making his way to her door. He could hear her crying. He put his hand to the door, pausing and swallowing. He closed his eyes, a deep breath to center himself. He opened the door and she was up against the wood that held her bed in place. Her Legs stretched out in front of her, her shoulders slumped as she stared at nothing, totally disconnected from anything around her.

“Is it already 3?” she asked once she registered someone had walked into her space. She blinked at Eddie slowly, as if she was moving in slow motion.

“No, sweetheart.” he kneeled on the floor with her. “When you didn’t show up for school I knew something was wrong. I felt it. So I came here.”

“It’s bad, Eddie.” She whispered, her voice hoarse from crying. She paused, her eyes eventually swinging to his.

“I know.” He took her hand. “Robbie told me.” he offered an outstretched arm and she took the invitation. Too weak to say no to one of the few people who could bring her any comfort right now. She crawled into his chest and he thumped against the counters, letting his legs stretch out and making room to hold her.

“Everything?” She asked after she settled, her head against his shoulder.

“The letter. Parole. Good behavior. You having to tell them why he shouldn’t be granted it.”

“Yeah.” Her voice was small. The lack of outburst was more worrisome than if she’d been screaming. It was quiet, her eyes would move every so often, mostly a dead stare ahead, unfocused.

“I know asking if you’re okay is a stupid question but how are you? You’re… not acting how I expected.” He confessed into her hair.

“How am I supposed to act?” She genuinely didn’t know.

“I… don’t know.” He admitted quietly, voice trailing off.

“I think I’m broken.” Her voice lacked the exuberance he loved. It was monotone, flat, lifeless.

“You know that’s not true.”

“I mean I think I’ve felt all the feelings I can in my life and I can't feel anything anymore.”

“That’s shock.” He explained with pursed lips.

“I cried and screamed a lot earlier.”

“That makes sense.”

“Now it’s like I don’t feel anything. But I do. I feel so much I can’t feel it anymore.”

“You’re probably exhausted.” He put his hand on her forehead to check to see if she was warm.

“I am.” She finally moved. A deep breath as she let her head sag. “I don’t know how much I’m supposed to take. I went through all the legal stuff and now I have to tell strange men who are being fooled just like I was that he’s a good guy about all the shit he did. When is it enough?”

“The system is fucked.“ he grumbled. “You are unfortunately a member of an oppressed group who has been thrown into the shit show of the American legal system. I have no good answers. It fucking sucks.” She felt his anger, heat from his chest into her hand. It oddly comforted her. “I can say I’m sorry. But it doesn’t fix it or help. It just really fucking sucks. I’m sorry you’re having to go through this. You’re not the only one. Any woman who’s ever been brave enough to stand against her abuser is fucking crucified for what feels like entertainment and asked to do it over and over again. It’s bullshit. They won’t just fucking listen to you and believe you even when you’re bleeding and screaming.” She felt him hum and vibrate with anger and vengeance. He saw her eyes widen at his words. “Sorry, I’m just… I’m really angry and trying not to be because that doesn’t help you.”

“I don’t think there is any helping me.”

“I want to. So bad. I wanna fix it. I want this to go away for you. You know that right ?” His eyes were a bit desperate and Star found sanctuary in them. He put his hand on her cheek, a tickling exhale on her face as he put his forehead to hers.

“So do I.” She whispered. “I don’t know what to do, Eddie.” His chest held a dull ache for her.

“I do.” He pulled away, then kissed her forehead. “You’re going to go to that meeting. You’re gonna tell them the truth. You’ve been having a rehearsal for this in therapy for over a year right? You’ve got this. You’re gonna tell them the truth and they’re not going to let him out. And you can put it behind you and live your life again.”

“It’s not that simple.” Her lashes fluttered, touched by his conviction.

“It can be. It could be. This could be the period at the end of the sentence that’s been your healing. You can purge it all. Start over.” He was very convincing.

“I’ve done it before and it didn’t fix it.”

“You’ve done it before so you KNOW you can do it.” He saw the wheels turning, her face finally moving into readable expressions.

“I didn’t think about it like that.”

“You’re even better equipped this time. You’ve been able to have therapy about it. You did your first draft, right? The first time? You’ve edited now, with therapy. And now you have a better version this time.”

“I… guess so.” Her brow creased.

“I do.” He held her chin up before she could cower. “I know you can.”

“You do?”

“Bet my life on it.” He insisted with a push forward of his face. “I know you Star. You can do anything. You can do this.”

“I can?”

“You can.” He put his forehead to hers again in an affectionate touch. “I believe in you. You’ve gotta believe in yourself.”

“I need them to believe me.”

“They will.”

“You don’t know that.” He put his fingers to her lips.

“Someone very powerful once told me you don’t say what you’re afraid of out loud. You don’t give it power. You say what you want to happen out loud and it will. So I’m doing that. They’ll believe you and you’ll feel better for having done it. And it’ll help you move past it. And he’ll be put away for a long time again and you’ll be free.” He took one of her hands into his, pulling it to his chest.

“They’ll believe me.” She said softly, looking away. “He won’t get out.” He saw the lump in her throat bob. “It’s so scary up there alone.” Her eyes turned quickly to his, still scared.

“You won’t be alone. I’ll come with you. You won’t have to take the stand like before. It’s not as formal. I can be there with you. You want me there with you?”

“Would you?” He saw the hope flicker in her eyes.

“Of course, I would baby. Are you kidding?” His voice cracked with disbelief. “I might only be good for bad jokes to break the tension and a hand to hold but I'll be the best damn hand you’ve ever held.” Their smiles grew together, foreheads slowly meeting again as she let out a tiny sniffle.

“I’d like that.” She nodded, a shakey inhale as he mirrored her subtle enthusiasm.

“Yeah?” She felt a roll of her stomach in the way his eyes lit up for her.

“Yeah.” She gave him a closed mouth sad smile. But it was miles from where he expected her to be right now. “I need you with me.” She confessed with downturned eyes.

“Then I’ll be there.” He promised with a kiss to her cheek before pulling her into his chest and holding her tight. She felt relief at first, a weight lifted off her shoulders. Then, reality set in. She still had to do this.

She had a few weeks. She’d been aloof, in a different way than before. One that Eddie now understood. Star spent her time writing in a new journal. Purging everything bad memory she could think of of her nightmare relationship. She divulged this to Eddie, so he understood her not-so-chipper mood. She asked for space instead of being passive-aggressive about it. There was a weight of honesty to the situation now. But Star couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed.

She was sad, tired, and feeling embarrassed. Every bad thing he did that she added to the pages made her remember the things he’d drilled into her head. She saw how he’d manipulated her over time. She was faced with what he’d turned her into. A shadow of herself. She was different now. And she wasn’t entirely convinced it was a good difference. Her dreams were filled with Bobby. Hearing the things she still struggled to not believe about herself. She found herself finding proof of his words in her behavior. She saw her need for Eddie as selfish. Wondering if she was using him. She felt like a fraud waiting to be found out as she deep-dived into her trauma. She remembered who she was and the bad decisions she made. The names she’d called herself at her lowest felt like name badges she still wore but only covered with a bright sweater of bull shit she pretended to be now. She was still the sad scared little girl. She wasn’t a survivor she was a victim and always would be. She was fooling herself and everyone around her. Star was drowning in a pool of her own making.

Eddie was feeling hopeful. A light at the end of the tunnel is how he was looking at it. She would be able to put it behind her as she wrote in her journal and moved all those bad memories out of her head and onto paper. Love blinded him to the state Star was in. He thought of her as being in a cocoon stage. And she’d break out dramatically and be ready to start a new life. With him. To be so jaded, the follies of youth were heavy upon Eddie. He was in love. His rose-colored glasses made him not see just how deeply brainwashed and traumatized the object of his affections had been. This wasn’t a case of an ordinary drunk, violent abuser. Bruises were easier to heal than unseen damage. Star had been the victim of a groomer and a narcissist. Eddie didn’t know the depth of which this man tore Star down. But he would soon.

Steve’s lips were pressed together tightly. Too distracted to pretend to watch the movie. He clicked the large television off, a snap and buzz that snapped the guy next to him out of his disassociated stare.

Eddie’s eyes fluttered, dry from not blinking as he’d been entirely in his head. He turned to Steve with large eyes, looking across the couch they sat on together.

“What?” Was how he chose to ask why Steve randomly shut down the movie.

“Your leg hasn’t stopped bouncing this entire movie.” He stated with a snap, an exasperated arm out with the remote still in his hand towards Eddie's bare knee in his ripped denim. “And I’m pretty sure you’re gonna get my ass kicked when you get blood on my couch from picking your damn nails!” He crossed his arms in a huff.

“Shit,” Eddie muttered, looking down and putting his hands fully into his lap. “Sorry, man. I do it without thinking.” He looked at the irritated perimeters of his nail beds.

“I think that your thinking is exactly what the problem is.” Eddie blinked slowly, before lowering his head, his eyes still on Steve’s disapproving face.

“You think?” Eddie sarcastically answered.

“Let me help you, man. I give great advice if anyone would just listen to me.” He exclaimed wearily. “What’s got you all worked up?”

“Star,” Eddie answered plainly. “What else is new?”

“Okay, now we’re getting somewhere. Go on, Dr. Steve is in session now.”

“Dr. Steve?” Eddie snorted.

“Shut up and talk.” Steve snapped his fingers. Eddie laughed at the ironic choice of words. Steve was his funniest when he wasn’t trying.

“Fine.” Eddie groaned and slouched back into the couch. “She’s found herself being called back into enemy territory.”

“If you’re upset about D and D again man, I’m gonna lose it. You can’t STAY mad about a game that YOU made up!”

“Nah it’s real this.” Eddie frowned with tight lips. He began with their interaction from the other day before the big blow-up with parole.

“So I offer to help give her a distraction.” Eddie raised his brows and Steve knee what he meant. “But she said no.”

“Weird. Not like her to turn you down.”

“That’s what I thought too,” Eddie said with his hands out, now turned to face Steve who was also turned in his seat. “Then she said it was sex with strangers from before that she used to cope. But that it didn’t mean anything back then.”

“Meaning it does now?” Steve leaned forward excitedly.

“I’m so glad I wasn’t reading into that too much. I really thought I was.”

“No, you know her she’s either too honest or speaks in riddles like some bridge troll.” Eddie laughed at the comparison he could relate to. He went on to explain in a short way the parole situation with Star.

“That… sucks, man. Royally.”

“I told her I’d go with her. Of course.”

“Of course.” Steve nodded with enthusiastic support. “Good man.” He slapped Eddie’s arm. Eddie was a physical guy but the harsh masculine affection of Steve’s jock past still caught him off guard on occasion.

“And then she says she needs me with her.”

“Promising.” Steve tapped his chin.

“And that’s not even the biggest thing that’s happened.” Eddie’s face was a mix of exhausted and hopeful as he explained Valentine’s night.

“Holy shit.” Steve’s hands were on his cheeks, in disbelief and enrapture led with gossip and drama. He did miss this part of school. “And she’s not mentioned it?”

“Not a word.”

“She started acting weird right after?”

“Yep.” Eddie said with a pop.

“I would bet money she remembers. That’s why she’s been so distant.” He clapped his hands together as if he’d solved the case.

“She’s been so hot and cold. But she’s going through a lot.”

“True. She’s not exactly - and don’t take this the wrong way but - the most stable person I know.”

“It’s one of the things I think I like most about her.” He grinned. “When you’ve got someone that makes you feel like you’re not the crazy one all the time it’s nice. You get to take turns. Make each other feel more normal.”

“That’s… sweet?” Steve didn’t try to hide the effort it took to be nice about it. “It would keep things interesting.” He offered more genuinely. “Does that get tiring though?”

“Yeah. But… I love her man. What other choice do I have?” Steve gave a broad smile that was warm with nostalgia, looking down to feel good memories wash over him.

“That I can relate to.” He nodded, shoulders slumped and hands tapping together in thought. “I vote you tell her. But you know this.” Steve rolled his eyes.

“I do.” Eddie nodded. “I can’t help but feel hopeful about it. And that’s why I wonder if it’s all in my head. It seems too good to be true. All these things building up, this parole thing where she’s purging all these memories and she can let go once he’s locked away again. It leads right into us being together right? Or am I totally delusional? Which isn’t far-fetched.”

“No, I’m with you man. I think it’s all leading up to a point. You said she’s done all that work in therapy. This should be like… a final presentation!” He clapped his hands together as he found his example. “She’s done the school work, you do the big final test and you’re home free!” He exclaimed with his hands raised.

“That’s kinda how I felt about it too.” Eddie agreed earnestly. “She’s been studying. She’s doing so good. She’s feeling strong and capable and she’s got me and her brother there with her and she should be like… ready? Ya know.”

“It’s been… how long. It was a school year ago then she’s been here since… June? So…” Steve tapped his fingers subtly to count the months.

“A year and a half?” Eddie offered.

“That’s long enough with the therapy and moving away and stuff, right? You can get over someone after that long. Especially when you have someone else you’re in love with now. Right?”

“I hope so, man. Or else I’m gonna feel like the biggest idiot to ever live.”

“You already are.”

“Thanks.”

“You have nothing to lose.” Steve grinned. “That’s a good thing in this instance!”

“That isn’t as helpful as you think it is.”

“Sure it is.” Steve shrugged and chuckled. “Even if I didn’t know she loved you. And I do. I’d still think she loves you. I think you should go for it. Maybe she’d feel better having a boyfriend with her facing the old one ya know? Maybe some jealousy? Some girl power stuff yanno with- see? I can find someone else! I don’t need you!” His voice switched to a higher feminine tone and Edie snorted in amusement. “She’s into that whole feminism thing right?” The guy's heart was in the right place.

“It makes sense yeah.” Eddie hesitantly agreed. “Maybe feeling secure will help her.”

“Also that.” Steve nodded. “What more secure than being in a relationship with someone you’re in love with that’s also in love with you?”

“A jar of money buried in an unmarked spot in the yard?” Eddie wore a goofy grin.

“A what? You’re so weird sometimes man.” Steve shook his head.

“It means I agree.” Eddie lied to placate Steve. “It’s a poor people thing Steve don’t worry about it.” He pats the other guy's knee.

“Oh okay. What I said still stands.”

“As much as my cynical heart wants to tear apart all your reasons… I think you’re right.”

Star was acutely aware of how each day got her closer to the parole hearing. She was feeling especially raw and vulnerable. She didn’t know who was on her mind more as the days went along, Eddie or Bobby. She felt so deeply for Eddie, knowing he was there for her if she needed him. Knowing he believed in her. But Bobby kept her afraid. Afraid of losing Eddie, of losing herself. She was paralyzed, stuck somewhere between her past and a possible future.

She’d left the haunting journal at home. She got out of the house and drove, finding a little thrift shop and taking her mind off things. But Eddie found her in the oddest of ways. Flicking through a milk crate of worn records she finds one that looks like something Wayne might be into. She turned the single over, a smile on her face.

“Eddie.” She sighed. She stood, knowing the record was there for her to find.

She was home, the 45 spinning, set to repeat. The needle clicked and cracked every time it finished that side. She stood, leaning on the counter in deep thought, watching the hypnotic spin of the record, considering how to handle the polar opposite swirls of emotions in her head.

And as if on cue, her future walks through the door with a warm smile and the most beautiful brown eyes she’s ever seen.

“Hello, little hermit crab.” He smiled at her with a warmth that made her chest thaw.

“H-hey.” She switched the player to off in a clumsy snapped movement.

“You good?” A lifted brown questioned her but she nodded wordlessly.

“I mean…” she gave a little shrug. “Not the worst.”

“Not the worst is good!” He clapped his hands to her arms supportively and it made her crack a sweet smile. “Yeah?” She soaked in his enthusiasm and let it make her feel better.

“Yeah.” She gave him another soft smile.

“You’ve been huddled away for over a week, I figured I’d come do a wellness check. Make sure the cats weren’t eating your fingers and face.”

“They would.” He got a laugh out of her.

“You do taste pretty good. In their defense.” He got her cheeks to rise and eyes to shrink into happy half-moons.

“I’m doing okay given the circumstances. There’s a week left and I’m trying not to let it overwhelm me since I’ve already put so much into it. I might make a list. I think having something to keep me on track is a good idea.”

“Baby, as good of an idea as that is. I’m here to distract. Provide some relief. We’re not gonna think about that for a little while. Okay?”

“I could stand to spare a few hours.” She nodded and let out a tense exhale.

“There’s my girl.” He leaned down to kiss her cheek. “What have you been doing this week?” He said as he pulled her into his chest. “Besides the obvious. “ he let her settle against him, hand around his waist and cheek to his chest. Something simple and comforting. “I didn’t see your car around the other day. You go somewhere?”

“Yeah, I went on a drive to clear my head.”

“Weathers nice for it right now.” She felt him nod above her.

“Perfect for having the windows cracked and music loud.”

“Where’d you go?”

“I just drove.” She said in an exhale. “For hours.”

“One of those drives.” he nodded. “The thinkers.”

“I didn’t get back until almost dawn. But I felt better.”

“I noticed your car wasn’t around for a while but I didn’t wanna seem like a stalker saying your car was unaccounted for for 12 hours on the night of the 11th.” He gave a fake newscaster voice and she pulled away with a smile.

“It’s nice to have someone notice.” She gave an almost shrug. “It’s very sweet that you care enough to notice.��

“Can’t have you going and running off on me. Then who’d I annoy all the time?” He gave her a smile that crinkles his nose, looking down at her and leaning in closer.

“I’m not gonna run.” She shook her head l, hair and face soft. “You don’t have to worry about that.”

“You can run.” He said supportively. “You just have to come back.” He chuckled, his hands still on her waist. She melted for a weak moment, he saw her face soften and then shy from the emotion it was giving away so freely.

“I don’t wanna run away.” She looked away, out the window in the kitchen to the field.

“I don’t want you to either.” He leaned in and kissed her forehead. She shut her eyes and swallowed audibly. “Did you not find anything cool on your adventure? Usually, when someone runs away you have some cool stories when you get back. Tell me your hero's journey Star.” He shook his head, his chin high as he used his DM voice.

“I don’t think it’s running when you plan on coming back.” She grinned. “A few tiny gas ancient stations.”

“Oh, my favorite.”

“Dusty and creepy just how you like them.”

“I like a good carbon dating through layers of dust location.” He chuckled.

“I stopped at a few mom-and-pop stores but I didn’t have much money on me so I didn’t get much. Poor foresight on my behalf.”

“You take the money. Then you run. Did you not listen to Steve Miller?” He saw it, the flash of teeth and the bounce of her chest and shoulders. A real laugh.

“Don’t lecture me on Steve Miller Band lyrics, Eddie, I know them better than you do.” A playful spark existed as she hopped on her tiptoes in playful aggression.

“Fine, fine. What’d you get?”

“I found a cool bracelet and a quilt with star patterns on it and some old records.”

“Oh, records? Is that what this is? This new?” He turned and touched the record player, seeing the needle still on it.

“Yeah. One of them.” She held up a 33-sized record, some girls in the back of a car with very dated hairstyles looked back at him.

“The Chordettes?” He said allowed, mostly rhetorical.

“I saw this and it looked familiar and they’re the girls that did that Mr. Sandman song. You know, Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream bum bum bum bum…” she shyly sang.

“The malt shop music.” He chuckled.

“Yeah. It looked like something Wayne would like. Then I found a 45 by them too in the same bin.” She pointed to the record currently on the platform. “They’re from the fifties and this one has just one song on each side. The other side is a little too gospel sounding but this one…” she stopped and a curious smile came across her face. “This one is also on the 33. It was one of their top hits, turns out. They’re in my Billboard chart book.”

“Is it any good?” He asked looking at the worn label and seeing nothing discernible.

“It’s…” she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, and he tilted his head at her curiously. “When I saw this song on the record I knew I had to buy it.”

“Must be good then.” He switched the machine on and dropped the needle to the beginning. “You been listening to this a lot?” He asked innocently enough before the singing started. “The switch is set to repeat.” He saw Star's face go a bit pale, her lips parted but not speaking.

“Eddie my love.” The song sang as his eyes widened at hearing his name. “I love you so.” The women chirped at him.

“They’re saying-?”

“Eddie.” She nodded. “Yeah.” It was bashful and soft. She turned the back of the 33 in her hand toward him. “I saw your name and the song and I knew I had to show you.” The song continued to give away more than she meant.

“How I’ve wanted for you, you’ll never know. Please, Eddie, don’t make me wait too long.” The women sang.

Eddie's cheeks flushed but so did Star’s.

“You found this by chance? At some random store on a random drive?”

“Yeah.” She huffed out a happy sound. He chewed his lip as she still didn’t meet his gaze.

“Eddie please, write just one line. Tell me your love is, still only mine. Please, Eddie, don’t make me wait too long.” The women were mocking how Star felt. The song continued with more yearning than you could poke a stick at. Full of handfuls of Eddie my love, I love you so. Please Eddie don’t make me wait too long. They stood and listened, neither daring to make the next move.

“You finding this seems like a hell of a coincidence.” He said as the record crackled, the needle moving back to the beginning. The women started their taunting all over again.

“Could be.” She said lightly.

“You know you’re the one that says there are no coincidences. Only signs.” He repeated her words back to her.

“I do say that.” She answered tightly.

“Do you think it was a sign that you found this?” A bold question that sent Star's heartbeat racing.

“I mean…” she gulped, her face concentrated. “It depends on what sign I was asking for when I found it.” She offered with high brows or uncertainty. “Was I thinking of finding some music? Something for Wayne or you or… was it… something else?” Her voice unintentionally cracked with nervous strain.

“Something else?” His voice was fading in confidence.

“What I usually ask for is guidance.” A truthful answer. “I’ve needed that a lot lately.” She divulged. “I got out and drove to clear my head. I didn’t ask to be shown anything that day but… other days, you know, I ask for signs to help me figure things out.” Her chin jutted forward nervously as she spoke.

“And you found this.” He stated, watching the record turn. She only nodded. “This very… sweet song. With my name in it.”

“It is sweet.” She quietly agreed.

“Would it help give you any clarity on things you’re trying to figure out?” Another nod, small and fast full of anxiety, almost a spasm. “You’ve been asking for clarity about…me?” He sees her eyes grow large and freeze, her nostrils flaring.

“Yeah.” She stared at his chest, frozen in fear. Her voice barely came out with how tight her body was.

“And this song…?”

“Yeah.” She said louder, but still not at a normal talking volume. “It’s hard to ignore signs when they make it so… obvious.” Her eyes moved, wide to wide in thought. He lifted her chin and she still didn’t meet his eyes.

“You tried to ignore other signs?” She nodded and looked away ashamed.

“I didn't know what to do. I ignored it.”

“Until you couldn’t anymore.” She met his eyes then, she saw he knew what she meant.

“I tried. I can’t.” she sounded utterly defeated.

“You know… it’s funny.” He huffed out softly. “I tried for a while to ignore it too.”

“You did?” Her eyes fully widened and bore into him as he took the turn to not meet hers.

“But you went and made it impossible.” He spoke so gently, feeling her hands tremor against them. He ran his palms over her, taking one of her hands into his, the other hugging her to him. He stepped out and began to slow dance with her to the song.

“I’m…” she wanted to apologize. No one should be falling in love with her. By choice or force. “I'm sorry. I didn’t mean to.” She felt tears, full of confusion and fear start to build in her eyes. Her cheeks here pinked and hot.

“No, no, no, baby.” He shushed so sweetly, kissing her cheek. “Star.” She sighed and watched him look her over, eyes seeing the damp lashes and the shimmery moss of her eyes. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” He looked as vulnerable as he felt. She answered him with a small sob, shaking her head. “You are.” He kissed her cheek again, now wet and salty from a drop of tears.

“I’m not. I’m not even good. Let alone…” she gulped. “That.” she strained out.

“And who said that? Huh?” his chin raised, looking at her with a lecturing tone. “Bobby?” he almost snarled saying his name.

Star unexpectedly to him broke into a sob, lowering her head.

“You can’t let him keep running your life,” he said with conviction.

“I don’t want him to!” she cried. “I’m so sorry I don’t know how to stop it.” she shook her head, her hair hanging over her face in an attempt to hide.

“You can.” he says louder, holding her cheeks and not letting her escape. “You have. Look how far you’ve come.” he shook her cheeks in emphasis. “Looks how far WE’VE come.” his eyes were sad but his words were sharp. “You’re… practically with someone else. You’ve fallen in love with someone who’s even more in love with you.” he watched her screw her eyes shut as more tears forced their way out and down her mushed cheeks. “Isn’t that enough?” the worry was apparent as he swallowed, eyes darting and his mouth going dry.

She opened her eyes to meet his, brow turned and searching. She fluttered her lashes in question.

“Isn’t me loving you enough?” he asked desperately. “Doesn’t being in love mean you beat him? You won? You have proof you’re not a bad person. I love you, you're amazing. You’re everything I could want.”

“Just because you believe it doesn’t mean I do.” she quivered out with a hiccup. “I had years of him in my head. I’ve not known you for even a year. Maybe you don’t know the real me and I am a piece of shit.” she shrugged and he dropped his hands from her face, the rejection clear on his face.

“Star you’re being ridiculous.” his voice was quiet, the shine of tears in his eyes saying more than his words.

“No I’m not!” she said fully defensive, a half step away, a hand to her chest.

“Star, I love you. I’m in love with you. Just let me in!” he fists his hands together and shook them in an attempt to not shake her himself.

Her mouth opened, but nothing came out in response.

“Don’t you love me too?” he was leaning forward, hands shaking, torn between holding her and wanting to hit something. The question hung in the air unanswered. “Tell me you love me too.” she stood with closed eyes, she bent over with a sob, covering her face. “Please.” a desperate attempt to reach her.

Her head shook in answer, too ashamed to answer him.

“Star don’t.” his voice was strong and dark a surge of anger growing. ”I know you do. I KNOW.” he pointed a finger at her, towering over her.

She looked at him, her face a mess and he still found her beautiful. He felt his stomach turn in realization.

“Star don’t do this, baby please don’t do this to me.” he rasped out, tears starting to fall.

“I can’t say it back,” she whispered, shaking her head half intentionally, half from the intense emotions she felt coursing through her body.

“Why not? If you say you don’t love me you’re a liar.” his voice cracked as his chest heaved. “I see it when you look at me. I feel it in my fucking chest. You even told me when you were drunk!” he screeched. “Don’t lie to me Star! You love me! Don’t lie to me!” he shouted.

“Not saying it isn’t me lying!” the first sign of her being her own person rose, her voice with more conviction behind it.

“So now just not telling someone something isn’t a lie?” he snarked back, his face drawn and angry.

“If I said I didn’t… then I would be lying.” she gritted her teeth as she spoke.

“SEE! YOU DO! Just say it god dammit!” he broke, a sob choking him as he said it a bit crazed, begging her with outstretched hands.

“So? I’m just going to disappoint you. I am right now. I told you I can’t do this!” her hands flung down to her sides, her body stiff. “I told you from the very start!” she squeaked out, staring him down and terrified. “I’m fucking this up just like he said I would. You’re finding out what a piece of shit I am now. This is me!” she put her hands to her chest and hit herself for emphasis.

“You don’t want to acknowledge he was wrong because then you’d have to really open yourself up to being hurt by someone who isn’t a piece of shit. And you’re too afraid to.” he hissed back, entirely defensive now.

She gawked with an open mouth at his brutal honesty.

“Because we love each other. And I love you, every part of you. Even this part that believes this bullshit.” he laughed a touch crazed, wiping his cheeks. “I love you so much it makes me angry. And I know you love me. You’ve told me. In so many ways. But I can’t do this roller coaster emotional shit and get my hopes up for you to pussy out.” he bit with flared nostrils. Star blinked, frozen in shock.

“I can’t say it back why are you so angry?” her voice back a whisper.

“Because I can’t be just friends with you or act like I’m not in love with you anymore.” he laughed as if it were obvious, his hands thrown into the air. “Because you’re being a coward by not saying it when you know it’s true.” his eyes were wide, brows high and his body shaking. “I’m asking so little.” he groaned. “I’m mad because the idea that you wouldn’t be my girlfriend when you act like my fucking wife is ridiculous.” he slapped his hands in the air. “Because there’s no reason! No real reason we shouldn’t be together!” his voice cracked as he shouted, turning away from her. “Except that you’re a coward who won’t just fucking live your life. Instead, you're letting an imaginary voice in your head keep you from being happy. Because I would make you so happy Star.” he shook his head, nearly a vibration with how his body was thrumming.

“You do make me happy!” her lip trembled and another sob broke.

“Then stop lying to me!” he cried, covering his face for a moment. “Hell, and yourself! I don’t know this Star, this isn’t who I fell in love with. I don't know who this is but it isn’t you. You've shown me the real you when you forget to sabotage yourself. This isn't her, it's not you. You're getting in your own way.” he said with tear-stained cheeks, face on full display as he leaned toward her.

“It is. That’s the problem. I told you. I told you I can’t do this.” she said softly, too soft for how much she cared.

“But you want to?” he tried to clarify with clutched hands towards her.

“YES!” she shouted.

“Then do it!”

“I CANT!” she screamed back, both of their chests heaving.

“You know what?” he shouted into his hands, rubbing his face before they slapped to his sides. “ I can’t do this.”

“What?” she squeaked.

“This." he motioned his hands wildly. "Whatever this is." he stepped backward toward the door, still facing her.

“I'm sorry.” she looked as disappointed as she felt.

“When you're ready to admit the truth,” he said with a pointed finger. “I'll be here. I'll be all in, Star….” He shook his head sternly. “But until then I'm done.” he shrugged, and turned, letting the door slam shut behind him.

He heard the sound of her falling to her knees on the floor. Just like he heard her sobbing, saying his name, and apologizing. He stood at the van door, hand on the handle. He let his head rest on the cold glass for a moment, wiping his tears away with his jacket sleeve and sniffling. He waited, and caught his breath. But she didn’t come after him. It was his turn to take the sign. So he left.

PART 21

(I'm sorry. It had to be done.)

BUT if you enjoyed it, reblogs, likes and comments help IMMENSELY.

Tag List in comments and here - it's not letting me tag people??!!

@suspirian @likeficsinthewnd @hollyismentallyillhelpp @eddiesgoodgirl @ouuwitchywoman @michaelfuckinglangdonn @hannahdinse88 @thikkiesixxx @idyllicbutterflyy @lonesome-dovee @kaelyn-lobrutto244 @eriseffigy @kriffingstarss @psychedelephantt @laurathefahrradsattelttel @munsins @secularlunarsorceresss @angelofthorrr @eddiemunsonsbedroomroom @justiceiswaterr @unnecesarysstuff @divadinag @boomhauer @br0ck-eddiee @bimbobaggins69 @sillypurplemurplee @sunnyhoney420 @sugar-bears-smile @hellfires-harlott

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thelittlestspider · 4 months

Text

an excerpt from Friend You Can Keep that i wrote in one sitting wherein peter and ash are in their honeymoon phase, and matt extorts johnny in exchange for staying at his place.

“Johnny, I'm not kicking you out, but you have to crash somewhere else for a few days,” said Peter, matter of fact.

“Why?” asked Johnny, eyes narrowed suspiciously.

“Because if you don't, you won't get any sleep.”

Johnny blinked. Wait a minute. His eyes widened in understanding.

“So you and Ash?”

Peter smiled. “Yeah.”

His eyes were soft and his smile was dopey. Love looked good on him. Johnny was happy for him, even if his heart panged that he wasn't part of it.

“Y'know, if you guys ever need a third…” Johnny waggled his brows. He half-meant it as a joke, but to his surprise, Peter said, “We'd be happy to have you. But I kind of want him to myself for a while.”

“So you're not mad about me and Ash?” Johnny asked cautiously, afraid to upset this moment of gracious maturity from Peter. But like, he had to know everything was cool before he made any moves here. After all, what if Peter woke up tomorrow deciding to be a jealous maniac again? Though that angry stare was pretty sexy…

Peter looked thoughtful. “We talked about it some the other day.” He swished his coffee around. “Ash loves you, I love you.” Johnny's eyes went big with shock.

“You love me?”

“Yeah. I do.”

Tears welled up in Johnny's eyes as he stood up to kiss Peter, laughing with happiness as he wrapped his arms around his best friend. It was a terrible kiss. Mostly because they couldn't stop smiling. But Johnny wouldn't trade it for the world.

“I love you too,” Johnny said against Peter's cheek. “So, so much it's insane. God, I thought I'd never have this.”

“There's some stuff we need to talk about,” interrupted Peter. Uh oh. Johnny frowned. He didn't like the sound of that. That could mean literally anything.

“Like what?”

Play it cool, Johnny.

“Matt,” Peter said simply.

Johnny groaned, rolling his eyes heavenward.

“Oh my God, don't talk to me about Matt. The man's impossible!” Ugh, the nerve of that man, ruining yet another fine moment in Johnny's life. If the guy wasn't so damn miserable right now, Johnny'd curse him.

Why did everything have to come back to Matt? What did Peter see in him? Sure he was older and kind of sexy, and he had the whole Daredevil lawyer thing working for him, but he was also an asshole who wore grandpa sweaters and messed with Johnny every chance he got. It was like being picked on by an 80 year old grandpa in the body of a 38 year old acrobat.

Johnny could light himself on fire, but he was convinced Matt was actually made of hellfire.

“Uuuugh,” groaned Johnny.

“He's not that bad,” argued Peter.

Peter was blinded by love. He didn't know what he was talking about.

“He's insufferable.”

“You're also insufferable,” pointed out Peter, unhelpfully. Johnny glared at him. Peter stared back at him, unmoved. He sipped his coffee.

One, two, three.

“I guess,” Johnny ground out, “I can get along with Matt. For your sake.” Compromise sucked. Compromise was the enemy of the people.

“Good, because your options are your family, Matt, or Clint.”

Johnny's mouth dropped.

“You wouldn't.”

Peter smirked behind his mug.

“I would.”

Evil, sexy bastard. God, Johnny wanted to kill him. Maybe he could get Ash to run interference.

“Ash can't help you out of this.”

Damn it.

Johnny weighed his options. He could go stay with his family for a few days while Peter and Ash went through their honeymoon phase; con, he'd have zero privacy. Option 2: Clint. Natasha was on a job right now, so Clint might be lonely and appreciate the company. Con: Lucky and Liho wouldn't let him sleep.

Wade was out because of Valentine and Vanessa. Shit. Johnny scrunched his face. He was going to have to suck it up and call Matt.

“I take it back. I hate you.”

“Love you,” Peter said, sweetly.

Fuck his stupid life.

…

“Hey Matt,” started Johnny, already feeling awkward about this.

“Hi Johnny,” answered Matt. His voice was smooth and cool like water. Unbothered. Like Johnny calling was something that happened every day and they hadn't been mortal enemies for the past ten years. He was so weird. Johnny hated him.

“So I have a favor to ask,” Johnny inhaled through his nose, bracing himself. “I need to stay at your place for a few days.”

There was perfect silence on the other end. Matt was surprised. Then after a few moments Matt's stupid, smug voice asked, “What's in it for me?”

“Whadda mean, what's in it for you?” Johnny asked, feeling annoyance wash through him. “You want me to clean for you or something?” He didn't think Matt would be enthusiastic about it, but he didn't think Matt would be this much of an asshole about it either.

“You could help Foggy balance the books.”

“But that could take forever!”

“Take it or leave it.”

Ugh.

“Fine.”

“Then you've got a deal.”

“I hate you. Tell Foggy and Kirsten hi for me.”

That stung Matt a bit. He didn't answer. The dial tone sounded.

Wow, he hung up on him. Johnny didn't know what he expected.

#these hungry streets tag #ths: friend you can keep #ths: matt/johnny

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aajjks · 2 months

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wooooow 😭

TC!dad!JK

you whine “i literally gave birth not even three weeks ago and you want me to dominate you?” you can’t believe your husband. he literally stressed you out and had you thinking your family was in shambles and guess who knew about it? JEON JINSEOUL!!! he’s in so much trouble when you get your hands on him because he was cursing, saying he was really disappointed in jungkook, and all kinds of things that felt believable.

ae-cha was in tears, areum was in tears, jawon was really sad, jaehan was sad too. ji-eun and ayra? DEVASTATED! all of this over a lollipop and you still can’t remember what you did wrong, exactly. you heard about valentine’s day and got him sweet treats you thought he’d like and in return he pranked you in the worst way possible.

it’s safe to say that next valentine’s day, you won’t get jungkook ANYTHING. no candy, no flowers, and definitely not any lollipops.

“oh you thought that was funny?? haha, good luck dominating yourself in bed for the next FOUR months, asshole” you scold jungkook.

“no sex, no kisses, no cuddles, no flowers, no chocolates, and absolutely NO LOLLIPOPS! now go apologize to your children for what you’ve done and tell jinseoul he can’t eat any desserts for a whole week!”

~🫧

He wasn’t actually talking about sex.

But he’s kinda glad that it’s all you think of when it comes to him. “ well, that’s cruel.”

He sadly sighs but he’ll take this punishment. “I cannot believe that you’re doing this to me.” He pouts but you cannot stay away from him for too long and he knows that you’ll be the one to come to him.

And is going to be really fun so he cannot wait for that. “Next year on Valentine’s Day I’ll give you a surprise.” He winks, “but I swear I will be nice this time and I hate lollipops.”

“And I wasn’t talking about out sex but… I’m available anytime.” He goofily says, biting his lower lip, he loves you so much and of course he won’t let his family fall apart.

Ever.

“I love how we believed in me that I would never sign those papers and I never did… you know me so well..” he says,

“ I’ll tell him that, but it’s not his fault I was the one who came up with a scheme and he merrily just followed my instructions.” He giggles, “ I don’t know if you’re aware of those, but you have to meet with ayra and ae-cha’s history, teacher and if you can’t I’ll just meet with her tomorrow.”

You look really pissed, he really won’t get any cuddles tonight.

“are you serious about no cuddles?!”

He’s been away from you for so long. He just wants to be near you, but it looks like he’s lost that privilege for now.

#ask: tc!jungkook #hehe

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perplexed-confusion · 11 months

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Cas: I hate Valentine's Day because you assholes never got me anything! Okay, and I have feelings! Of course I have feelings! I have big feelings, okay? And it hurts. Okay? So... So that's why I hate Valentine's Day, and that's why I put anthrax in the box.

Sam: That was you?

Cas: Yes, it was me. I just... I just wanted it to stop! It's powdered sugar, by the way... Oh, he's already eating it.

Jack: [eating the powdered sugar] I knew that.

#I can mentally hear Cas saying #Of course I have feelings I have big feelings #And can imagine this being followed by Dean giving him a gift #source: it's always sunny in philadelphia #supernatural #spn #Castiel #Destiel #Sam winchester #Jack kline #Perplexed confusion original post

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ierogenvy · 5 months

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quite literally. I HATE VALENTINES DAY BECAUSE YOU ASSHOLES NEVER GOT ME ANYTHING. AND I HAVE FEELINGS - I HAVE BIG FEELINGS, AND IT HURTS… you got this … for me? of course man, i know you

#dont mind me #tends bar gets me every fucking time #i would believe in macdennis less if this episode wasn’t so balls to the walls

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dearsnow · 2 years

Note

Here’s my description for the matchup trade! I’d like to be shipped with Eddie please, but I’m honestly kinda convinced you would’ve picked him anyways once I get through with my description. I bolded the important parts because this is kinda long, sorry about that

I’m 19 years old and going to be 20 on Valentine’s Day. I’m bisexual and on the Autism spectrum with ADHD. I’ve got chronic pain in my hip and back a lot too. Eddie and I probably met because I helped him study or something, I’m very smart and I love helping people. Either that or we met at a local D&D store. I can get really nervous sometimes but once I’m comfortable with someone or an environment I become really excitable and open. It’s weird because a lot of people assume I’m super shy or reserved but then they hear me making dirty jokes and dancing to weird music and they get caught off guard lol. I’m also really clumsy and am both nervous but also quite blunt somehow (basically I’m forward but in a blushy way). I also completely lose track of time and space a lot and end up forgetting things or doing stupid stuff. I have no self preservation skills despite giving good advice - high wisdom, low intelligence kinda stats. I also research anything that interests me and know tons of facts, and I’m really touch-starved. My love language is physical touch.

The easiest way to get me to come out of my shell is playing Dungeons & Dragons or talking about similar interests. I’m currently studying to become a Television and Cartoon writer but am applying to local D&D stores in the meantime (very on brand). I also draw and read Tarot cards! If I lived in the 80s I’d definitely be considered just as weird and Satanic as Eddie lmao. I’m very cheap and will diy stuff if I can, I don’t like spending money. I also love making jokes and puns, and I’m really good at coming up with funny comments.

I’m really short, like 4’ 11” (149 cm) tall. I’d only come up to his shoulder at best. I have wild wavy brown hair, am very slender and toned (you can actually see my abs really well), I wear glasses and am kinda androgynous-looking. I’m currently wearing an AC/DC crop top (aka a tshirt I cut into a crop top). Most of my wardrobe consists of funny t-shirts and jeans.

Thanks so much!! Take care of yourself and remember to drink lots of water, okay? :)

YOU’RE STUCK WITH…

Eddie Munson!

a/n - omg it was so hard to just pick a few of your traits, but i did my best :) you seem so awesome. mwah

- there is no way this man isn’t neurodivergent too. He knows exactly what you’re feeling at all times and always takes that into account. He’s a master at keeping you comfortable so you can let your amazing personality shine

- sometimes he says he hates smart people, but you know he’s never talking about you. He actually admires your brains a lot and even asked you to help him study before you ever even became a “thing”

- whenever you stumble, he’s there to keep a hand on your back or tug the waistband of your pants to keep you from falling. It’s so hot when he does it too, it truly makes your heart pound

- he’s also a bit forgetful, but he always remembers the most random things. Your second favorite animal? He knows it by heart. The vocab words for the quiz next period? He hasn’t retained a single one

- he loves sitting you on his lap for some much-needed cuddles. Sometimes he even plays guitar over your body

- you guys can shoot DnD facts back and forth for hours. It’s honestly really impressive

- he takes such an interest in all of your hobbies; tarot, drawing, anything you’re into, he’s also into. It doesn’t matter if he knows literally nothing about the subject, he just likes to listen to you talk about your passions. It makes him really giddy

- Eddie is such an asshole (lovingly) about your height. He’ll use you as an armrest and put guitar picks in your hair when you’re not looking

#astral connection.#stranger things x reader #eddie munson

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cobrostarship · 3 years

Text

#i hate valentines day because you assholes never got me anything #okay and i have feelings. of course i have feelings #i have big feelings okay #and it hurts #okay so...so thats why i hate valentines day #and thats why i put anthrax in the box

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fandom-monium · 3 years

Note

I JUST READ KITCHEN CATASTROPHES OMG ITS SOOO CUTE UGH MY HEART SO SOFT CAN YOU PLSSS DO A PART 2? THANK YOU KEEP DOING WHAT YOU DO

AN: thank you, anon! i dont plan to make a sequel to KC. But if i did:

For Valentine’s Day

Summary: In which you throw a wrench in Spencer’s plans: you don’t like Valentine’s Day. “If it’s with you, I guess it’s not so bad.”

WC: 2.9k (whoops)

Tags/Warnings: Spencer Reid x GN!Reader, fluff, cussing, semi anti-valentines day, Spencer tears up but dont worry were there to fix that, established relationships (blegh), Garvez if you squint, post-For the Holidays

Fuck cooking, Spencer thinks one day.

It's an irrational thought. The kind that strikes through his mind in a flash of irritation like a scrape of the knee as he is perusing the internet. Yes, he is using a computer willingly. He has to because he's desperate.

Cooking is stupid. Who really needs it, right?

…

He needs it. God, he needs it so bad.

His need to learn cooking wasn't as incessant until recently. Until you came along.

Spencer is a meticulous person and a romantic if you'd ever met one. Makes sense considering how he grew up, reading the classics and all that. He's read all the gooey literary shit old people write and while he never understood those meanings it all dawned on him one day. Quotes written like 'the stars in their eyes' and 'sunshine glowing off them like a halo', suddenly makes sense once he meets you. Or at least, after coming to know you, months into your newfound friendship.

It's because of this he plans accordingly the weeks leading up to Valentine's day! Because again he's meticulous and a romantic and a genius so he plans every step and makes a back up plan in case A, B, and C fall through.

Is he going overboard?

… Nah. No way. Not when it comes to you.

But fuck with a capital F, man.

It's your third date. Or what is supposed to be your third date if you would just stop being you for a second.

Then again, he loves you a lot and he wouldn't love you if you weren't, well, you.

Although—pardon his french—what the fuck.

Spencer knows he needs to learn to cook. You've tried plenty of times to teach him and he loves learning and he especially loves it when you are the teacher (wait, does he have a teacher/student fantasy? Maybe. That’s something he'll look into later. Preferably with you).

Unfortunately, he's terrible at it.

He's made progress and he knows it's true because you said so but the miniscule progress he's made is. Not. Enough. And it's all your fault! Because he gets so distracted by you during your lessons, like when you put your hands over his to show him proper slicing techniques—holy fuck, he wanted to combust right there—or just watching your deft hands at work, lips and brow scrunched in concentration in that adorable way. And you smell like cooking oil or whatever you're making and you're hot.

He's so into you it physically hurts. Ugh. How is he so lucky?

You're also the first person he's been this into since Maeve. And everyone knows how well that turned out.

So he tries to dial it down for Valentine’s Day. Morgan told him once he tends to throw himself into everything he does, including love. And when you two got together, he promised the universe he will not fuck this up. He ends up combining Morgan’s advice with Luke’s, trying to be casual like Luke says because apparently you're just as into him as he is of you.

The thought makes him grin uncontrollably. Luke says it makes him look like a clown but a lovesick clown. A lovefool, Luke hehs.

Spencer doesn’t get the joke, but it does nothing to deter him.

As Luke advised, Spencer does “not” make a dozen back up plans and does “not" plan weeks in advance. Because that wouldn't be casual, would it?

But now the day’s come and as Valentine’s Day turns to Valentine’s Night, Spencer wants to pull his hair, rub his frustratedly stinging eyes but he can't because he's in the middle of work, in the middle of the bullpen, in the middle of his desk and he refuses to be that guy. Not again.

Why does he feel like sobbing? Like a loser?

Because you don't like Valentine’s Day. No, you abhor it.

It happens in the middle of the work day. It's like he tried to open a door only for a bucket of ice water to be dumped on him and now he looks like a drowned rat. He definitely feels like one.

You're talking with Garcia about her Valentine’s Day plans as you multitask, switching between putting together packets and stacking them aside. Then taking them under the hole-puncher and stapling them together because the BAU isn't all kicking down doors and catching freaks.

It makes sense that you’re chatting with Garcia during your break. The two of you have become two peas in a pod after you came out of your shell. Now you're inseparable. Only you make Garcia leave her batcave as much as she does now.

Out of sight, he catches tidbits of your conversation when he hears distinctively: Fuck Valentine’s Day.

Okay, you didn't say that verbatim but you might as well have, grimacing as you three hole-punch a packet and his heart. Then a nail on his coffin only it’s with a stapler.

Thump. Chick.

Spencer winces; there goes your his Valentine’s Day plans.

It shouldn't sting as much as it does. You've been dating for over a month and Valentine’s Day is definitely not his favorite holiday either. It's not even top 3. And as you rant he can’t help but silently nod in agreement, all the facts straight: yes, it's an eyesore. Yes, it's a capitalistic holiday. Yes, people should do nice things for their significant others no matter the time and not because it's expected on a specific day. Yes, it doesn't compare to Halloween—

The thing is, you two aren't that “couple-y”, at least in a traditional sense. Not like Will and JJ who got a babysitter so they could go out or like Luke and Garcia as they plan to go to a special Valentine’s Day event she wants to check out (she vehemently denies anything going on between them but he doesn't need to be a genius to see the affection they have for one another. Just kiss already, damn).

So yeah, Spencer hoped to spend the romantic holiday with you. For once, he'd have Valentine’s Day plans, aside from exchanging cards with the team and his mother.

But apparently you hate Valentine’s Day! So there goes plan A, B, C, and D!

Spencer feels the tears spring at the corner of his eyes. He sniffs as subtly as he can, raising an open case file to his face. Of all the plans he hadn't thought through this was not one of them. IQ 187, his ass.

He should've known. Or at least ask your thoughts on Valentine’s Day. That was inconsiderate on his part. He blinks back tears, withdrawing into himself despite his hurt because he is a lovefool and only for you. He just wants to impress you, make you happy even if that means canceling your first Valentine’s Day together.

Now if you'll excuse him, he has to call off a few reservations and make some returns. Several actually.

Can you return a dozen donuts in the shape of hearts?

… Yeah, he better ask Emily for the rest of the day off.

—

"Hey Newb, have you seen Spencer? I haven't seen him since his break," You ask, resting your chin in your hand as you squint at another form. Your eyes are beginning to tire.

Spencer asked you several times over the course of the last week, checking to see if you were free today. You are, so you planned to hang with him after work, but he hasn't returned from his break and he wasn't answering your calls or texts. Not unusual but still odd for your boyfriend (you still can’t believe you get to say that).

Luke sighs, his smooth voice reaching over your shared divider, "You know at some point I'm just not going to respond. You guys can’t call me Newbie forever."

"Keep telling yourself that," You snort without looking up.

Another sigh and you smirk: you win.

"For your information," Luke grumbles, words punctuated with sass, "Doc went home."

You pause. "Home?" He didn't tell you.

"Yeah, probably to get ready for your date."

"Our date?" You frown and stand up, leaning over the divider to see if Luke’s fucking with you.

He isn't. Luke shrugs, humming wistfully as he rests his cheek in his hand, "You should've seen how excited he was, being it your first Valentine's Day and all. I told him to chill out because you'll love whatever it is no matter what but I'm sure he ignored that and planned something spectacular for you guys." Sitting back, he twirls around in his chair.

You grimace, recalling your earlier conversation with Garcia.

Shit.

"Meanwhile, I have to spend Galentine's Day with Garcia because all the ladies of the BAU are taken and I have nothing better to do—" Luke comes to a full 720, catching the tail end of your coat as you whip it on and make for the door. "—um, excuse you?"

"If Emily asks, I had an emergency!" You manage to call back, throwing open the glass door.

"Okay?"

"Thanks, Newb!"

As the elevator door dings shut with you inside, leg jumping because you have a sneaking suspicion you fucked up, Luke slouches in his chair and grumbles.

He's not a newb. Or a newbie.

—

You rush over to Spencer's, catching your breath as you stumble to his front door. There's shuffling from inside, the faint sound of clanking and crashing and your heart swells because this is the man you’ve fallen for, the first one you've ever felt this way for. Here he is, being all considerate and romantic. And here you are, fucking it up when your relationship’s barely even started.

God, you're an asshole, you berate yourself as you turn the doorknob and push open the door. You're an asshole you're an asshole you’re an asshole—

Then your eyes widen and your jaw goes slack.

Immediately, you slap a hand over your mouth and nose as your favorite scented candles hit you like someone shoved a bouquet in your face. The description isn't too far off considering there's a lovely bouquet of your favorite flowers still in its wrapping, haphazardly set next to a dozen donuts on the coffee table like no one's business. Its petals are strewn across the floor, a few in tiny piles like they were hastily swept to the side. Red and pink and dark green fill your vision.

Who gutted Cupid and tossed his organs around, holy fu-

"(Your name)?"

Startled, you crane your head to find Spencer, beautiful hair askew and his tie hanging loosely around his neck. His sleeves are pushed up to his elbows as he clutches flowers to his chest. In his other hand, he grips the colored strings of several shiny red and pink balloons in the shape of hearts and—fuck—your heart might actually float up from your chest and into your eyes.

This is your man. Your partner. Your boyfriend.

Your boyfriend panics, fumbling for a second before stuffing the balloons and trimmed flowers back into the room behind him and slamming the door shut. He turns back to you, eyes wide.

"What-what are you doing here?" Spencer stammers, wringing his hands together.

You blink at him, dumbly holding up your phone. "You-uh-you left early and didn't return my calls."

"I'm sorry. I think I left my phone at work," Probably because he left in such a rush, Spencer groans, looking anywhere but you. The petals scattered over his floor are quite pretty in this light. "And I was a bit busy."

"I'm sure you were," You gawk openly at the strings of fairy lights hung around his living room. It's a clash of aesthetics. Spencer always rocked dark academia, but despite how ugly the combination of red and pink decorations with his nature green walls and dark wood is, it leaves his apartment a little brighter, a little cozier, and you love it.

You love everything about this.

But as you take in the ugly beauty of it all, Spencer fidgets at the doorway, mistaking your awe as shock and disgust. Wiping sweaty palms on his trousers, his eyes dart around, trying to focus on something, but every place he lays his eyes on makes him cringe. He catches all the things he couldn't clean up or put away in time. No doubt you do too. All the leftover flower petals, the donuts he can’t return, candles that haven’t blown out because he has the lungs of an 8-year old asthmatic.

Spencer can't imagine how appalled you are.

And the longer your silence stretches on, the more nervous he gets so he blurts out, "I'm so sorry, (Your Name)!"

Your brow shoots up as he begins to ramble.

"You must hate this. I'll put everything away."

"You really don't have to—" You stop him, and your heart nearly crumbles as Spencer's does when he finally meets your worried gaze.

His eyes gleam with unshed tears. He swallows, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have—"

"Doc—"

"At least not without asking you—"

"Doctor—"

"I understand if you want to break up—" His voice cracks, as if the idea itself will destroy him (it definitely will).

"Spencer—" His voice, wobbly and dripping with unnecessary guilt, draws you to him.

"But I want you to know that I—"

With an exasperated sigh, you grab his hand as yours finds the nape of his neck, pulling him into a soft kiss.

For a second, Spencer doesn't respond because who kisses the person they're about to break up with? Strange, really. But then he kisses you back. His hands remain frozen, unsure of where he stands, but he tilts his head to deepen the kiss. He figures this is a new social cue he has yet to learn. And if this is the last time you kiss him, he'll treasure every second of it, take whatever you'll give him because again he's a lovefool for you.

And when you pull back, he's too dazed he nearly misses the look you give him. Suddenly, he can’t breathe.

You look at him like he hung the stars instead of cheap fairy lights around his apartment.

Spencer’s confused. "I-I... Wha—"

"I'm not breaking up with you," You chuckle, and you nearly burst out laughing as genuine puzzlement takes over his face. You tug him behind you, plopping yourselves on his couch. You smile, appreciating the way he organized the cushions and throw-pillows; there's now space for two people to lay down.

You take a breath. "You wanna know why I don't like Valentine’s Day?"

Spencer slouches, though his body is angled towards you so you suppose that's good. He sighs, "Because it's a capitalistic holiday that reinforces the idea of doing the bare minimum…"

He begins listing your reasons, and your eyes soften. Of course he listened and remembered even if you mentioned it offhandedly.

You nod once he finishes. "Yes but before that—and I can't believe I'm telling you this—back when I was a little kid, I didn’t get any Valentines."

Spencer's brow furrows at the newfound information. You continue, "I'd get some from my friends and stuff but that's not what Valentine's Day is about. At least not when you're a kid. When you’re a dumb kid, it’s about couples and romantic shit, and I didn't really have any of that growing up." You purse your lips and glance away, face flushed with embarrassment. It's really not that big a deal, but putting it into words makes the idea seem more intimate and personal.

It takes a moment for your words to sink in as Spencer can't believe his ears. How could you not have been showered with love and affection and presents on Valentines Day? It's like water doesn't make things wet or fire doesn't produce heat; it just doesn't make sense. Because you deserve that much and more.

"So every Valentine's Day, I lowered my expectations and eventually I stopped caring. I'd tell myself those things and I started to believe them," You bite your lip, eyes crinkling as you give Spencer a sheepish smile. "But now I have you."

At that, Spencer returns your smile, letting you take his hand. Any tears he had seem to evaporate instantly.

“So, I'm sorry that I hurt you. I stand by what I said before, Valentine’s Day sucks. But if it’s with you,” Blushing deeply, you play with Spencer's hand, large and veins defined compared to yours, shrugging, “I guess it’s not so bad.”

Spencer’s smile broadens, and he intertwines your fingers together. "So what you’re saying is, you don’t hate this?” He looks around his living room.

You shake your head, unable to stop the grin crossing your lips. “No. In fact, very much the opposite. Honestly, thank you for this, it’s beautiful. I have no words.” You breathe it all in; the candles, the flowers, the— Your nose wrinkles and you snort, “Did you burn something?”

Bashfully looking down, he scratches his chin. “I-uh-tried to make your favorite dishes. Though, I was hoping the candles and flowers would mask it.”

You giggle and pull him into you, snuggling into his side. “That’s okay. I’d much rather have you anyway.”

With Spencer a blushing, stuttering mess in your arms, head resting on your chest, you press a kiss to his hair and conclude; yeah, you don’t like Valentine’s Day.

But you sure as hell love Spencer more.

—

AN: FtH status: finished - 7/5. yes 7.

I realize this was not what anon requested but oh well i wrote this at 2 am

I’m not that anti v day but i stand by the capitalistic aspect.

yes this takes place after For the Holidays.

also included luke bc hes my bro and i honestly think he deserves so much more than what the show gave also garvez ftw

happy post valentine’s day!!

Song: Lovefool by The Cardigans

#spencer reid x reader #mgg x reader #matthew gray gubler x reader #criminal minds x reader #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid #mgg imagine #mgg fic #mgg x y/n #mgg fanfiction #mgg #matthew gray gubler x oc #matthew gray gubler imagine #criminal minds x y/n #criminal minds x oc #criminal minds

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babybluebex · 3 years

Note

Hi! May I request a Tom Holland x reader, where she's Sebastian Stan's younger sister and Seb (jokingly) threatening Tom to stay back to his sister.

Thank youu in advance 😊💕

oh my god i love this concept so much. thanks for the request!!

blood is thicker [tom holland x reader]

➽ pairing: tom holland x stan!reader ➽ word count: 1.6k ➽ summary: see above! ➽ a/n: make sure to check out the social media au of this story on my blog!! thanks for reading!

“Alright, who’s the punk?”

I looked up from my phone to see my brother hovering over my shoulder. “What?”

Sebastian raised his eyebrows at me and titled his head towards me; towards my phone, rather. “Who’s the punk you’re sending kissy emojis to?” he asked.

“Oh my God, invasive,” I gasped. “Why do you care?”

“Umm, I don’t know,” Sebastian sighed dramatically. He was a drama queen, both on and off screen. I didn’t really grow up with him-- he was already in college by the time I was born-- but, as long as I had known him, he had a flair for the dramatic that contributed to his amazing acting. I think people always assume that, because I’m The Sebastian Stan’s baby sister, I too want to act, but that’s far from the truth. “Maybe because I never properly got to harass your boyfriends when you were in high school?”

“And whose fault is that?” I asked. “Why do you think you need to harass my boyfriends?”

“It’s my job, Y/N,” Sebastian laughed. He moved to sit next to me on his couch, and he said, “As long as you’re living with me, I get to be an asshole about your dating life. It’s, like, the whole gig of being an older brother. I gotta protect you!”

“Maybe I don’t need protecting!” I laughed.

“Just tell me who it is!” Sebastian said with a laugh .

I looked down at my screen and the name that glowed up at me: Tommy. Tom and I had met at the Infinity War premier and, while that was a while ago now, we had kept up over Instagram. Eventually, we started dating but, because of how private Tom kept that part of his life, nobody knew yet (except for Tom’s brother Sam, who accidentally walked into an unfortunate Facetime call, so I could bet money that the whole Holland family knew by now). “Tom,” I mumbled, but even the sound of his name made my heart skip a beat.

“Tom…?” Sebastian began. “Do I know him?”

“Yeah,” I said and bit my lip. Sebastian knowing my boyfriend was one thing; Sebastian knowing that my boyfriend was Tom Holland, the secretly-84-year-old British diva, was something else.

Sebastian raised an eyebrow at me. “Not Tom Hiddleston,” he said. “Darling, I love you and I’ll let you do anything, but he’s older than me, I think there needs to be a line--”

“No, you idiot!” I cried and smacked him with a throw pillow. “Holland!”

“Holland,” Sebastian said slowly. “My baby sister is dating Tom Holland… You know, this is weird.”

“It’s just not,” I huffed.

“Why him?” Sebastian sighed. “Darling, it’s Tom Holland! He--”

“See, this is why I didn’t wanna tell you,” I said. “I don’t know why you hate him, but he’s actually very sweet! He’s funny and nice and respectful--”

“And he’s trying to put the moves on my baby sister,” Sebastian said quickly.

“He’s not trying,” I said. “He did. We’re already dating, the moves were made and successful. He’s coming by soon to pick me up, so get your act together.”

“Woah, time out, he’s coming to pick you up?” Sebastian said. “Taking you to dinner, a right proper gent he is.” He put on an accent that was supposed to be like Tom’s, but Sebastian was secretly terrible at accents, so it sounded a bit more like Chris Hemsworth than he intended.

“Just don’t be an asshole to Tommy, please,” I sighed. “Be nice, be-- Ya know. Not you.”

“That’ll be difficult, darling,” Sebastian mumbled, and I landed a kiss in his hair.

“Make an effort.”

The sun had gone down by the time there was a knock on Sebastian’s apartment door, and I jolted from my place in my room (technically, it was his spare room but, when I moved in, it became mine). “Don’t answer that!” I cried.

“Why not?” Sebastian called.

“You’re gonna scare him!”

I bolted out of my room just in time to see Sebastian throw the door open. Tom stood on the other side, dressed in a nice turtleneck and slacks, carrying a half dozen roses, and the smile dropped off his face instantly. “Oh, hi, Sebastian,” Tom said carefully. “Y/N’s here, right?”

“Sure is,” Sebastian said. His back was straighter, trying to be taller than Tom, and he added, “What’s it to you?”

“I was gonna take her to dinner…?” Tom said, but he phrased it more like a question. “Is that okay?”

“Seb, get outta here,” I huffed. Tom’s smile returned to his lips when he saw me, and he presented the roses to me.

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” Tom told me, his cheeks turning red, and my chest grew warm. He was such a sweetheart, and I wondered how I had ever lived without him.

“Oh my God, Tommy,” I whimpered, and I threw my arms around his neck to hug him tightly. “You’re so cute, thank you!”

“You look amazing,” Tom told me, his hands falling to my waist. “So beautiful, as always.”

“Alright, Holland, let’s think about this,” Sebastian said quickly. “You’re taking my sister to dinner, what else is planned?”

“Seb, shut up,” I grumbled, elbowing Sebastian’s chest. “We’re adults, go fuck off and bother Mackie.”

“I don’t wanna bother Mackie, I wanna bother you,” Sebastian said easily. “And your man.”

“To be fair, you’ve bothered me extensively the past few years,” Tom said. “I don’t get a pass now?”

“Why would you get a pass?” Sebastian asked, his eyes staring holes into Tom.

“I’m your brother-in-law?” Tom said. “You like me?”

“What if I don’t like you?” Sebastian said smoothly.

“Well, I guess we’re fucked, then, huh?” Tom laughed. “I’ll have her home by one.”

“Twelve,” Sebastian stated.

“Half twelve.”

Sebastian narrowed his eyes for a moment, then sighed. “I guess so,” he sighed finally. “Have fun, you goons.” He ruffled up my hair, earning a groan of complaint, and he added, “Wait. Gimme a hug, darling.”

“I literally hate you so much,” I mumbled, but I sank into my brother’s embrace all the same.

“You know I don’t actually hate Tom, right?” Sebastian told me softly. “I’m just messing with ya.”

“I know,” I told him. “You’re too nice to hate anyone.”

Sebastian detached from me and took Tom’s hand in a firm handshake, and he said, “Right, listen, Holland. I wasn’t around when Y/N was growing up and I didn’t get to harass her boyfriends. I’ve got 20 years to make up for and I intend to take it out on you. If you hurt her in any way-- make her cry or leave a bruise, God forbid I spot a hickey-- I’ll hurt you back. You hear me?”

“Yeah, sure thing,” Tom said, and I watched Sebastian’s grip tighten.

“I mean it, Thomas,” Sebastian said, his jaw set. “Treat her right.” He looked at me and winked, and then he said, “She deserves it.”

#tom holland #tom holland fanfiction #sebastian stan #sebastian stan fanfiction #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #tom holland fluff #tom holland x reader fluff #fluff #fanfiction #this is a concept and a half #i love #thanks for the request!#psychkunox

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wornoutmouse · 3 years

Text

Valentine's Day with Zora

I'm getting ready to watch black clover either when I finish Mob Psycho or when I finish that time when i got reincarnated as a slime. But based on what I've learned this nigga is an asshole for the most part. And that's how I wrote him. Low key kinda toxic

Idk how popular black clover is amongst the fanfic community but here goes

This would be your first Valentine in 6 years so why were you so damn nervous!? Well if anyone were to ask, it would be because of who your Valentine was. Your hands swayed as you placed each chocolate neatly in their heart shaped tray.

You weren't romantically driven, but you and Zora had been dating for 6 months and had yet to do anything nice besides roasting the dog shit out of each other. Zora was sweet for you, but would not hesitate to state his feelings which is something you thanked yet despised him for.

The man in question was currently in your room playing video games. Taking a deep breath, you summoned up all the courage you could find and shuffled your way to your target.

He was dressed casually, with no shirt and a pair of black sweats hanging low on his waist. His creepily sharp teeth on full display as he cursed at npc's. "Zozo..?"

Zora doesn't pause the game but he glances over at you briefly. "Yeah?" You roll your eyes and stand in front of the TV much to his annoyance, "Please pay attention to me." With an over the top groan, he paused the game and looked at you with an annoyed face.

"Happy Valentine's day!" You yell out and hold your chocolates in front of you with a bright smile. Zora looks down at them then looks back up at you with a concerned look on his face. "Oh for me? You shouldn't have." You pressed your lips together in a tight smile.

The tone that Zora spoke with really served to make you think that you really shouldn't have. Red eyebrows raised in acknowledgment as he plucked a square toffee from it's selected area. He observed it before popping it in his mouth.

"Real good, extravagantly stuck in my teeth now." Strike one you thought as your heart sank from the verdict. You should have thought this through. I mean, a sticky substance with shark like teeth is not the best combo.

You push your braids to the other side of your head as a nervous habit. "Well try the other ones." Zora's eyebrow twitched, you could see he really didn't want to. "Is there a reason for all this?" You huffed, "Yeah it's Valentine's day."

Zora popped a fudge centered chocolate in his mouth, "You celebrate that? I didn't take you for a hopeless schmuck." Strike two, you could feel your mood dipping to the less than happy stage. Zora sighed a little more, "I mean, what's next a card declaring your love for me?"

Strike three was immediate and you were glad you left your handwritten card on the kitchen counter. Your lower lip trembled as you wring your hands nervously. Zora seemed to catch on to the incoming flood and quickly raised his hands in submission.

"Hey, I didn't mean it like that babe, if you wrote me a card I would love to read it." You shook your head turning away as you could feel incoming tears forming. This would be the last time you'd try to do something nice for the bastard. Zora stood up and his normally comforting height only made you feel more pathetic.

"Don't be like that, come on, let me see it." Zora places his hands on your shoulders and herds you towards the living room. The sparkly envelope could be seen from a mile away the way it shined in the steel counter. Zora delicately picked up the envelope, wary of the glitter that fell when he opened it.

"Well would you look at that, I didn't know you could write in cursive." Zora tried to sound convincing but that is a hard feat when your permanent resting face is a cocky smile. Zora tossed the envelope when he realized his half-assed attempts were not helping in the slightest.

You sniffed harshly as you tried to wipe away your fallen tears. Zora tried to comfort you but you turned away with a huff, "What did I hurt your little feelings?" You ignored his attempt to playful banter and walked away. You could hear Zora following you into the living room and stood over you hauntingly as you plopped on the couch.

"How should I make it up to my baby huh? Should I go eat the rest of your candy?" You cross your arms and ignore him. Zora sat down next to you with a playful look on his face. "You want me to write you a letter back? What type of glitter should I use?"

The couch dips as Zora leans closer to you. The hate rates in your neck as you feel the tip of his nose running against your cheek. "Should I fuck you nice and silly so you forget about this stupid holiday?" You have to stop yourself from crossing your legs at such a bold sentence.

But that was Zora for you, can never be serious when it doesn't pertain to him. "Come on Y/n, you know I'm sorry. I didn't know it meant that much to you." You watched from the corner of your eyes as Zora takes a red braid and curls it in-between his fingertips. You had done it just for him yet he never commented on it.

You shake your head defiantly, "You ain't sorry, you just want me to stop being mad at you." An amused chuckle escapes Ideale's lips and you find yourself being pulled closer to him. "This must really be important to you huh?" You raise your head and look Zora in the eyes. He looks back before shaking his head.

You watch him stand up and head back to the room. For a while you felt your heart break from the thought he really didn't care about your feelings. The sound of his footsteps returning made you look again curious as the color black catches your eyes.

Zora places the box down next to you before taking a seat on the floor before you. You watch as he opens the box of candy with one hand, and places the other in your knee.

"Open your legs."

Out of habit, you do, and Zora takes the initiative to pull your pants down. You allow him to do so but remain quiet. It wasn't until you were bare from the waist down that Zora began to speak again. "You know I love you?" You nodded with a graceful eye roll, "Yeah I love me too."

Zora but down on your left thigh making you jump. "Don't be a little shit I'm trying here." A small kiss was pressed against your pussy lips as Zora pinched a small piece of chocolate from the box. They had begun to melt and he uses this to his advantage by rubbing it up and down your slit.

"Some chocolate on my chocolate." You exhale slowly as you feel the sick substance coating your sensitive skin. "That's corny as hell." Zora ignores you as he rubbed the remaining chocolate against your skin.

Once it completely dissolved, he covered your clit with his lips, licking the candy off lightly. It was a strange feeling as the melted chocolate dripped in-between your folds only to have his warm muscles following afterwards. "Do you forgive me?" "N-No."

Zora takes the time to clean your nethers fully of the chocolate in record time as you began to leak your own special nectar. Zora was a man of many annoying words and unsurprisingly he could put them all to good use when eating you out.

You could feel the threat of teeth as Zora left a wet kiss against you. Your feet flexed with electric pressure when Zora's tongue thrusts inside of you, stopping every so often to caress your clit one again. "You always feel so good against my face."

You pressed your lips tightly together to keep from making any sounds. Zora sticks two of his long fingers inside his mouth and covers them in his own saliva. A hitched moan leaves you as they are shoved inside without a care in the world.

"Oh so you can make noise?" You glared at your boyfriend as his bony fingers pumped inside of you. During each retreat of his hand, you could feel his knuckles bump ever so slightly against the top of your cavern. "You're a real dick you know that?" Zora laughs darkly, "Only for you."

A wide grin stretched across his face as you rolled your hips against his palm desperately. "Don't worry I'm going to start, just be patient." The feeling of his fingers spreading apart in a scissoring motion felt illegal as you feel yourself slowly stretching for him. "Faster!"

At that he pulls his digits out and allows his pants to drop. "If you're ready enough to request a speed adjustment, you're ready enough to take the rest."

Of course like everywhere else on him, his dick was long with an am dark red mushroom tip and at this point in time, extremely hard. "Happy Valentine's." He muttered, and as you pondered your retort, Zora focused on pressing the tip of his cock inside.

Contrary to popular belief, two fingers is not enough stretching for the average penis. So Zora got the glorious opportunity to watch your face contort from the full stretch of his cock. "If...this is your way of apologizing, you're doing a shit job at it Zora!"

Zora licked his lips as he looked where you two were connected. "You're as sharp as always huh?" Zora slips his hand in-between your many braids and cups the back of your head bringing you up for a kiss.

As he nudged his hips deeper, his tongue traced your mouth soothingly. To your shame you moaned into the kiss, encouraging Zora to try harder. Your lower bodies became one as you ravaged each other's mouths. "You're an ass you know that?" You mumbled when you separated.

Zora nodded as he focused on fucking you just right. Your hips were raised off of the couch forcing you to hold yourself up by your elbows. "I feel like you've forgiven me from how much your pussy is shaking." You grit your teeth still holding on to your bitterness, "I'm only going to cum because you haven't fucked me in ages."

Zora sighed and folded your body against the couch. "Can never take a compliment can you?" The couch creaked with each pump. Zora's legs were spread in a low crouch as he leaned over your limp body.

The feeling of being full and the heavy stimulation was welcomed as a hot orgasm goes through your body. Zora smirked as he fucked you though your high before pulling out and tucking himself back in.

You furrowed your eyebrows when you realised he wasn't getting himself off. "What about you?" Zora shrugged at your question, "That was my apology. Happy Valentine's day."

While you never got a genuine apology, you never did say anything when you found a peice of your letter in his wallet.

#zora ideale #black clover #black clover x reader #zora ideale x reader #blackreader #black y/n #zora x reader #zora x black reader #black clover x black reader #anime x black!reader #black clover smut #zora ideale smut

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navalcriminalimagines · 3 years

Text

i’m entering @thatesqcrush Valentine’s Bingo!! It’s my first time and I hope this is good! It covers the “Oral sex” square! Enjoy!

Rafael Barba x Reader

Prompt: a very much needed drunk night turns into a hookup

Warnings: smut, drunk sex, oral sex (female and male receiving), p in v, fingering

Words: 4,223

sorry for the typos...

Drunk in love

Shutting you down and pushing you away was Rafael Barba’s new activity. Not that he wants to but he has to. He doesn’t know why or how he had let himself fall for you, especially since one of the first things he noticed on you was your wedding band. He never saw your husband but Elias - or whatever his name is - seems pretty real, and according to Mike Dodds, he’s “twice our size”.

But god you’re so beautiful. And young, clever, nice, funny. You have everything a man can dream in someone, but somehow, you’re still very insecure about yourself. He sees it when you look at him or Liv for approval when you have a break in a case, or how you sometimes belittle yourself when the guys tease you. He knew how insecure you are when you blushed after he complimented you. He didn’t attend to at first, but when he saw you in the little green dress that showed off your curves so perfectly, he couldn’t help but to say, ”who’s that gorgeous woman and what have you done with my detective?”

Rafael still curses himself for saying so. You have been acting differently since then, you’re less talkative, more shutdown. You probably know now about his crush on you and you’re just keeping your distance. Just like he tried at first.

But you’re one very stubborn woman. He could snap at you one day and you’d greet him the next one with a smile, like nothing happened. He hates you for it. You’re pulling up with him and he doesn’t know why. Why would you? He’s the worst. And you’re fucking married.

Rafael hates to admit it, but he’s a little jealous of Mike Dodds and Sonny Carisi. Especially Mike. He knows partners have a very special relationship, that you have to trust each other with your lives. But he gets to hug you, spend so much time with you, to go out to bars or restaurants with you. He knows there’s nothing romantic in that relationship, but sometimes he wishes he’s the one you hug, out of nowhere. But he’s not. He’s just the weird and annoying ADA.

To stop thinking about you, Rafael Barba went back on tracks and met with a few people. Both men and women, it usually ends in a one night stand. And in the morning, he hates himself a little more because your face is the first thing he sees when he opens his eyes. One night, a woman stopped him mid-sex, “My name’s Jane, not Y/N,” she exclaimed. Then she dressed back up and left.

There’s this woman he keeps seeing though. It’s mostly just sex, and he can’t complain about her talents in bed. Maybe he should take her on a date? Try to make this serious? Well, as serious as he can be, knowing that his world stops spinning every time he lays his eyes on you. He hates you.

*****

“Could you cover for me tonight and perhaps tomorrow morning?” you asked Mike, as you two were on a stakeout. Technically, Mike is your superior, but he’s also your partner and you can trust him, with everything.

“Only if you tell him why,” he answered.

“Elias told me he has a work thing out of town. I need to check,”

Mike already knows your doubts on your husband’s fidelity. It’s been building up for months now. Mike advised you to talk to him but you refused. You’re scared about what he may tell you.

“You’re finally following your doubts! Don’t you think talking to him would be better?”

“If I’m wrong, I’m gonna make a fool of myself,” you sighed, “And if I’m right-- I really don’t know how I’m gonna react, I can’t be facing him at that moment,”

“Fine,” the sergeant isn’t convinced it’s the right thing to do, but he knows better than to fight with you on that. “Do you want me to come with you?” he offered.

“Thanks, but no,” you kissed his cheek and focused back on your job.

*****

Your doubts and your fears become reality. Elias is cheating on you, with some gorgeous brunette, a little bit older than you. She looks like a model compared to you. And you can feel your heart breaking when he leans to kiss her passionately. It’s fucking real. You had doubts, but a part of you kept refusing to believe it. Elias was the man of your dreams, he’s your first love, your husband. You loved him with all your heart and he’s just-- a fucking asshole.

You drove all night long, without any destination. You showed up late at work - Mike had covered for you - and you went on with your life.

You lied to Mike, telling him that you were wrong and Elias was really away for work. To Elias? You didn’t say anything. You didn’t want to face it for now. You didn’t want to hear some lame excuses, or blaming. You didn’t want him to break your heart a little more. So everyday, for weeks, you went home, slept beside him, answered when he was talking to you, barely returned his kisses. There was no sex though. Lack of sex had been the starting point of your doubts. You did get tested however. You didn’t know if he’s using protections with her, or if there are other women, or whatever, so you had to be sure you had no STD. Luckily you didn’t.

*****

Rafael is tired of how cold you’re with him. He doesn’t know if you’re the same way with the rest of the squad, but you’re with him and it’s pissing him off. If it’s because of his crush on you, he wished you’d say so, he’d lie by telling you he’s seeing someone and that whatever he felt for you, it’s gone. And the ‘relationship’ could go back to normal.

Liv texted him to say you’re coming to get the warrant. He stopped working after he read the text. How can he bring it up to you? How can he throw the subject? Why is he that nervous anyway? Why does he care? You’re just a young detective he met a year prior. You don’t matter to him. You’re good at what you do, but in a few years, both of you will move on with your lives. And you won’t remember him. Ever. Why does he care?

“Hi Barba,” you entered his office after he told you to come in. He hates when you call him ‘Barba’. You usually go with his first name. Why did it change?

“Morning detective,” he answered, coldly, not looking up from his notepad. “Carmen should be back in five minutes with the warrant,”

“K. Can I get a coffee?”

He finally puts his pen down and looks up to you. You’re standing right across his desk, your hair is tied in a ponytail, you have those dark cargo pants that fit your curves so perfectly, and a blue NYPD sweater. “Can you wear that whenever you want?” he asked, pointing at your sweater.

“My shirt is in the trash with the biggest coffee stain on it. I stole this from Mike,”

It’s indeed a little loose for you. Your hands are mostly hidden in the sleeves and he can’t distinguish your breasts - not that he looks for it…

You move to the coffee pot and pour yourself a cup. You look over your shoulder, “Want some?” he nods and extends his empty cup to you.

“I can wait outside if you want,” you said, after you drank the coffee faster than he ever did.

“Take the couch, Y/N,”

Once you sat on his couch, Rafael sighed, stood up and sat next to you. “Is there a problem?” he asked.

You looked at him, confused. “About?”

“Me?” he offered. “I don’t know. Have I done something to upset you?”

You shyly smiled at that and Rafael’s heart melted. “It’s nothing to do with you, Rafael. I promise,” you briefly squeezed his hand and let it go. He wanted to grab it and never let it go.

“Then what is it? Something’s wrong with you,”

“If someone told me you’d be the first to notice, I would have laughed,” you giggled.

“Hmm… should I be offended by that?” he raised an eyebrow.

“You’re the outsider, you know. But we love you for that,”

“I don’t know who’s “we”, but it’s certainly not the SVU squad,” he kept going before you answered, “What’s wrong, Y/N?”

You took you a very long moment to say it. A moment during which Rafael forgot how to breath. He was expecting many things, but not this. After that, it all happened so fast. You cried and leaned to your side until your face hit his chest. Unsure at first, he finally wrapped his arms around your shoulders and hugged you. His nose got buried in your hair and he knew it was the scent he wanted to smell for the rest of his life. He felt your hand on his pectoral, turning into a fist on his shirt. “I hate him,” you cried. “But I’m scared,”

“Scared of?” he softly kissed your hair.

“Being alone? Doing it all over again? Never meeting someone else?” you took a deep breath, “But I’m the most scared of why he did it,”

“There are no excuses, Y/N. I know what it feels like, I know you’re blaming yourself, thinking that it’s your fault, but it’s not,” he softly pulled you away to grab your face in his hands. He ran his thumbs on your cheeks to take the tears away and forced you to look at him. “He doesn’t deserve you, he doesn’t deserve your tears,”

You nodded at that and tried to regain control as you both heard Carmen’s heels.

“Can I take you out for drinks tonight?” he offered before you left.

“Thank you, but I don’t want to be around people,”

“Ok, my place then?”

You nodded again, kissed his cheek and left with a shy “see you tonight”.

*****

After leaving the precinct, you quickly stopped at your shared apartment to change clothes. Elias was there, drinking a beer and making dinner, as if everything was okay. You barely greeted him and walked to the bathroom. You took a quick shower, changed into high-waisted ripped jeans, dark crop top and a flannel shirt. You redid your makeup, and let your long hair drop on your shoulders.

“Where are you going?” Elias asked, as you were putting your doc martens on.

“Out,” you answered coldly.

“I can see that. Work?”

“Nope,” you grabbed your keys.

“Should I wait for you?”

“No, don’t,”

And you were gone.

Rafael is stressed. He doesn’t know what to expect from that night. Probably nothing, you’re broken-hearted, you just need a night to relax and either talk about it and completely forget. He will give you that. He will be a good listener, you’ll have his shoulder to cry on if needed. He turned down the woman he’s seeing to spend the night with you. He didn’t give explanations, just said he has to work. She just answered “K.”, maybe she’s upset but he doesn’t care much.

When he opens his door, he forgets how to breath. You’re gorgeous in a very natural way. He lets you in his apartment, you’ve been there once, when you were his protection detail after he received death threats. You stayed up all night long to make sure he was okay and he felt so cared for, it warmed his heart in an unfamiliar way.

“Beer?” he offered.

“No, scotch. I need something strong tonight,”

You sit on his couch, tug your legs under your butt, just making comfortable. He comes back with two glasses of scotch, and offers you one. “I didn’t have time to cook but I ordered italian,”

“Thanks but you shouldn’t have. I’m not hungry,”

“If you don’t eat, you don’t drink. Your choice,” he smiled and you nodded.

Rafael is doing his best to stay friendly and not flirty, but after his fourth glass, he doesn’t control himself as much. There are empty containers on the coffee table, the bottle of scotch is getting empty. You’re laying against him, your body is so close to his, he can feel your body heat and smell your scent. “Your husband is such a dumbass,” he said and you turned to face him. “I mean-- that guy is married to--you. And he’s cheating on you? How stupid does it make him?”

“I’m not special,” you shrugged.

“I’m talking to Y/N Y/L/N, right? Cause that woman is special,”

“How so?”

“This. You don’t even realize how amazing you are. You blush when you get a compliment, you’re a badass when you’re with a perp, but you’re always looking for approval when you have an idea. You’re so smart and nice, and beautiful, and sweet, and--”

Rafael stopped when he heard you giggle. He laughed too, because your laugh always does that to him. “How drunk are you, Rafael?”

“Enough to tell you so, but no enough to lie about it,”

“Maybe I should forgive him,”

“Wait, what? No!” Rafael exclaimed and sat straight. “He doesn’t deserve your forgiveness! Why would you do that?” he didn’t expect his voice to be this high pitched.

“Because-- I won’t find someone else to put up with me,”

You sounded so dramatic, it made Rafael laugh. “You’re twenty seven, Y/N! You have so much time ahead,”

“Maybe but-- I’m not easy to live with, Rafa. I’m annoying, I work all the time, I don’t cook, I’m not good in bed, I--”

“Wow,” he exclaimed again to make you stop talking. “Is this how he made you feel?”

“No--yes. Maybe, I don’t know-- sex is… simple with him,” you paused, “But you probably don’t want to hear about my sex life,” you took a sip of your drink.

“I do. I mean-- it’s not about being good in bed. It’s about the connection, what two people are looking for,”

“What are you looking for in sex?”

“Depends. When it’s a one night stand, it’s mostly relief. Do I care about my partner’s pleasure? Yeah, sure but not as much as if I’m in love,”

“I wonder what it feels like one night with Rafael Barba,” you had a grin on your face, teasing him. You were drunk, but so was he.

“I can show you,”

Rafael didn’t expect you to react with a kiss, but you did. You awkwardly press your lips against his and Rafael froze for a second. But he deepened the kiss, cupping your face in his hand. He felt your tongue asking for access and he happily obliged. He laid down on the couch and you sat on his lap, never breaking the kiss. You feel like heaven. His hand settled on your bare skin between your jeans and your top before sliding under the crop top. Your hands did the same on his torso, sending shivers in his entire body.

He noticed when you arrived but now he has the confirmation; you aren’t wearing any bra and you have your nipples pierced. He groaned loudly when he felt your breasts in his palms, which made you smile against his mouth. “Does it hurt?” he asked when he started to play with your nipples.

“God no, I love it,” you sighed in pleasure. “Ever been with someone who has their nipples pierced?”

“No,” he growled, “Can I?” he asked before sucking on your nipple. You nodded and he almost assaulted your breasts. Nipples pierced is fucking amazing. Especially yours.

“I want to feel your skin,” you shyly requested and Rafael obliged. He let you take his tee-shirt off, tossing it on the floor. Your hands touched his body like he was a greek god. You kissed, sucked and bit his neck from a moment while he was softly thrusting his erection against your clothes center.

Rafael doesn’t control himself or his pleasure when he’s drunk. He’s scared that he may come so fast you won’t enjoy this moment with him. He held you against him and took you to the bedroom. You both undressed each other before laying down on the bed. Rafael drunk you in. You, completely naked on his bed. It was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. He briefly kissed you before making his own down to your core. He gently bite your inner thigh before burying his tongue into you. You let out such a beautiful sound, it almost made him come on the spot. “You’re fucking delicious,” he growled.

“You--oh, you don’t have to do this, Rafael,” you said. But he was pleasuring you so good.

“Why wouldn’t I? This pussy is calling for my mouth,” his hot breath against your clit made you shiver, “You’re so wet, baby,” he returned to his oral ministrations.

Rafael ate you like a starved man. He gave everything he had to make you come on his face. He felt you tensed against him, your thigh held him in place. You cried his name, your nails on his scalp. He swallowed everything you had to give him.

“Wow-- fucking wow,” you chuckled as you tried to catch your breath.

“I know, I get that a lot,” he chuckled too, kissing you softly.

“Shut up, and fuck me now,”

“Hmm… someone’s desperate for my cock?”

“I’ve never been this turned on, Rafael. What did you do to me?”

“Ever had an orgasm from someone’s mouth?”

“Nah-- and I don’t want to talk about it. Just get inside me, please,”

He kissed you passionately again, and got on top of you. You felt his hard cock against your stomach, before he lined himself with you. “Do you want it?” he wanted you to beg. “How much do you want my cock, hermosa?”

“So much!” you tried to make his cock slide into you but Rafael held you still, “Please, Rafael. I want you-- I want you inside me,”

He didn’t need more. He slid into you in one slow motion. You both gasped at the feeling. His size hurt a little at first but you’re used to keep a straight face during sex. But somehow, Rafael felt it. “Are you okay?” He asked, not moving.

“Just getting used to your size,” you giggled.

“Lo siento, I got carried away. Let me—“

He tried to pull out off you but your hands held onto his ass, “don’t you dare go away, Barba,” he giggled and stayed deep inside you.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he whispered before kissing you.

When you gave him permission to move, he started slow. He needed to control his pleasure. It was deep and slow, and every sound you made was music to his ear. He intertwined his fingers with yours and pinned your hand above your head, kissing you roughly. “Do you want to switch positions?” You asked, out of nowhere.

“Fuck no. I wanna see your face while I make you come,”

For a moment, he was self conscious of what was going on. Whatever sex was with your husband, it was mostly to pleasure that bastard. He probably didn’t care much about you during sex, about what pleased you, about your kinks if you have some. This might be his only night with you, and he wants you to know what real sex and pleasure are.

When he felt you were close to your orgasm, he quickly pulled out and buried two fingers into your pussy. You didn’t have time to react about the sudden changes, you cum - for the second time - hard on his fingers.

“Why the hell did you pull out?” You asked, confused, as you tried to catch your breath.

“I’m not done with you yet,” he said with a malicious smile. He kissed you again, taking his time - to be fair, he’s mostly trying to calm himself down - to plant kisses all over you, worshipping your perfect body.

“Rafael, what the—“ you gasped. His face was between your legs again. His tongue found its way easily to your most sensitive spot. You were worn down, but so sensitive a third orgasm wasn’t far away. But you pulled his hair to make him stop. You saw something in his eyes. “Someone likes to get his hair pulled,” you giggled.

“I didn’t know actually, but yeah,” he licked his lips, “However, if you pull my face away from your pussy again, I’ll have to punish you,”

His words, the way he talks to you sends something into you. Something you ever felt before. Maybe you’re into punishment. And dirty talk. Maybe you aren’t bad in bed, you just weren’t with the right person.

Rafael was about to go back at it again, but your voice stopped him. “I want to go down on you,”

“You will, babygirl. For now, it’s about you,”

He did pull a third orgasm out of you. He’s so fucking talented with his tongue and fingers. He knows what to do, when to do it. “You’ll be the death of me,” you said, trying again to catch your breath, tiredly playing with his chest hair.

“Sounds good,” he buried his face in your neck and marked you. He didn’t care about tomorrow, about what your husband might say when he sees it. Tonight, you’re his and no one else’s. “Do you really want to suck my cock or do you feel like you have to?” He asked, his eyes locked into yours.

“I want to,” you eagerly answered, regaining some strength suddenly.

You sat up while Rafael laid down on his back. You took his cock in your hand, his hips jerking at the feeling. He probably won’t last long. But he can still recover and do it all over again. “You okay?” He asked, as you were taking a long moment just looking and stroking his length.

“Yeah,” you shyly smiled, “Just promise me something, please?”

He would promise you the fucking universe. “Tell me?”

“If—if I’m not good, just make me stop, okay? Don’t blame me after,”

Rafael saw tears in your eyes. He immediately grabbed you and pulled you next to him. His erection can wait. He softly kissed your cheeks and lips. “I’m not...him,” he said, “Like I said earlier, it’s about the connection between two persons. I feel connected to you, do you feel the same?”

You nodded, trying to stop your tears. “That’s all that matters. You could break my penis, sending me to the ER, I’d thank you for it,”

He felt proud when you laughed, he kissed you. He could never get enough of your lips. “I trust you, Y/N. Only thing I don’t want is you going down on me just because you feel like you have to,”

“I want to suck you off, Rafael,” you purred in his ear after a moment.

His cock softened during that talk, but it reacted to that. You kissed his body, trailing your way down to his penis. You licked the tip, tasting some pre-cum. You looked at him to catch his reactions, but you saw nothing but desire and pleasure. When he was painfully hard, you took him in your mouth. Rafael almost came right here and there, it took everything he had not to. You slowly suck his cock, until you quicken the rhythm. “You’re so—good, baby. You know how to use that mouth,” he praised you. When he saw you smiling against his length, he made a mental note about you loving to be praised.

You cupped his balls in your hand, and took him all the way down your throat, “I’m gonna—amor, fuck! I’m gonna cum,” he expected you to pull away but instead, you kept the pace until Rafael came hard in your month, chanting your name. He didn’t know he could be this loud. You made a show of swallowing every drop of him. “Mierda,” he muttered, drying his sweating forehead with the back of his hand.

“Can men fake orgasm? Cause you were fucking loud,” you giggled before kissing him.

“Shut up, that was—amazing,” he looked deep inside your eyes. “You are amazing, Y/N,”

He didn’t have time to fuck you again, you both quickly fell asleep after.

Much to Rafael’s surprise, he woke up to the warmth of your mouth around his cock. He had a wide smile when he saw your eyes full of desire, while your mouth was perfectly sucking on his cock. He lazily grabbed your hair, giving a few thrusts. But he didn’t know how you’d feel about facefuck so he let you lead. It didn’t take long until he came down your throat again, still as loud as a few hours prior. “You will be the death of me,”

He invited you in the shower so he could finally fuck you properly. When you came on his cock, your walls clenching around his length, it was the most beautiful feeling in the world.

This couldn’t be a one night stand. There’s a connection, either of you can deny. He will spend weeks, months, even years to show you he’s worth an Elias or any other man.

#thatesqcrushvdaybingo #rafael barba #rafael barba smut #rafael barba imagine #law and order svu

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