#i have it in my head tho

[inkskinned]

you're in the habit of denying yourself things.

if someone asked you directly, you would say that you love a little treat. you like iced coffee and getting the cookie. you drink juice out of a fancy cup sometimes, and often do use your candles until they gutter out helplessly.

but you hesitate about buying the 20 dollar hand mixer because, like. you could just use your arms. you weren't raised rich. you don't get to just spend the 20 dollars (remember when that could cover lunch?), at least - you don't spend that without agonizing over it first, trying to figure out the cost-benefits like you are defending yourself in front of a jury. yes, this rice cooker could seriously help you. but you do know how to make stovetop rice and it really isn't that hard. how many pies or brownies would you actually make, in order to make that hand mixer worthwhile?

what's wild is that if the money was for a friend, it would already be spent. you'd fork over 40 without blinking an eye, just to make them happy. the difference is that it's for you, so you need to justify it.

and it sneaks in. you ration yourself without meaning to - you don't finish the pint of ice cream, even though you want to. the next time you go to the store, you say ah, i really shouldn't, and then you walk away. you save little bits of your precious things - just in case. sometimes you even go so far as putting that one thing in your shopping cart. and then just leaving it there, because maybe-one-day, but not right now, there's other stuff going on.

you do self-care, of course. but you don't do it more than like, 3 days in a row. after that it just feels a little bit over-the-edge. like. you can't live in decadence, the economy is so bad right now, kid.

so you don't buy the rice cooker. you can-and-will spend the time over the stove. you can withstand the little sorrows. denial and discipline are practically synonyms. and you're not spoiled.

it's just - it's not always a rice cooker. sometimes it is a person or a job or a hug. sometimes it is asking for help. sometimes it is the summer and your college degree. sometimes it is looking down at scabbed knees and feeling a strange kind of falling, like you can't even recognize the girl you used to be. sometimes it is your handprint looking unsteady.

sometimes it is tuesday, and you didn't get fired, and you want to celebrate. but what is it you like, even? you search around your little heart and come up empty. you're so used to denying that all your desires draw a blank.

oh fuck. see, this is the perfect opportunity. if you had a mixer, you'd make a cake.

#warm up #this isn't good #writeblr #this is complicated by the fact i can't stand up too long or i fuckken pass out and <3 hit my damn head <3 #but i did take a deep breath and buy myself the stupid rice cooker #and!!! a very cheap sushi kit!!! i have been wanting to try making sushi for literally YEARS #the kit was only like 15 dollars!!!! and i haven't purchased it bc?!!??!?!?!?!!? #..... i didn't get the mixer tho that felt. like a lot. like too much. #on my list is a kitchenaid. one day when i get a check and i have paid off my student debt #and medical debt #i will put that first little bit of cash #into a kitchenaid 5qt stand mixer (with attachments) #i really do just go into their refurbished section and stare lustily at each option #but yeah i feel guilty about the rice cooker even tho i know for a fact this damn thing is gonna be a lifesaver #oh shit also fuck i forgot to mention . poached eggs

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[sysig]

Permission to headbutt: Granted (Patreon)

#My art #UT #Sans #Papyrus #Ft. something smol and I do on a regular basis ♪ #This could be Handplates or it could be classic Undertale I leave that up to you lol #I definitely picked up a lot of the style quirks lol - but there are some of the ones that I like myself! Like Papyrus' darkmode clothes lol #And Sans' shorts having the stripe in the front haha - little details ♫ #Realistically it probably is Handplates tho just based on where my head's at lol - I love the Handplates dynamic :D #Handplates #I talked myself into it! Pfft ♪ #I found myself relating a lot to Sans especially while rereading - I want nothing more in the world than for my siblings to be happy! <3 #So I gathered up a bunch of ideas of things especially me and smol do together and this was the most obviously cute one haha #Easiest to do! Tho I did still go a little extra on this lol #I'm trying to do more digital stuff ♪ It wasn't the best art day and I'm still a little nervous to jump right in :') #Not doing any sketches on paper beforehand feels weird but I guess it is thematic in a way lol #And I'm still pleased with how they turned out hehe #It really does feel nice to be drawing them again <3 #And doing silly sibling things! Hehe #I dunno how clear it is since it's so ingrained into how smol and I talk to each other lol family language! #One of us will literally just announce ''bonk'' and the other will prepare for/lean in for a headbutt haha #She is a tiny bit taller than me - it's not quite /this/ extreme but she does lean down for me! S'cute <3 #I like to think Papyrus would do the same hehe ♪ Let your lazy brother headbutt you! He can only reach so far! #On minimal effort anyhow hehe #It's just a fun way to be silly together ♫♪ #Also yes I did show this to her and she cosigned lol - ''Cute'' -smol

[abyssruler]

no thoughts. just zhongli’s territorial instincts rising up after you return from fontaine stinking of another dragon’s scent. and neuvillette nuzzling his face in your neck to scent you every time you have to leave for liyue.

#idk man my head is filled with hot dragon men who are also old enough to be my grandpa’s great x10 grandpa #neuvillette tho…our gap moe king #tho personally i think neuvillette is gonna be majorly depressed when you return from liyue stinking of zhongli #he’ll be all ‘‘i don’t have a chance. how could i ever stake my claim when they already have someone else?’’ #idk i wake up and think hm how pathetic can i make neuvi today? #the answer is very #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #zhongli x reader #neuvillette x reader

[francy-sketches]

cringe ass family ❤

#asoiaf #a song of ice and fire #valyrianscrolls #tywin lannister #joanna lannister #cersei lannister #jaime lannister #tyrion lannister #joffrey baratheon #myrcella baratheon #tommen baratheon #2 many of them......8 whole guys... #one day I'll draw a proper family portrait but for now all you get is floating heads. at least this time they have shoulders #um tywin looks weird idk whats wrong with him. like physically i mean. think i made his eyes too big #ive decided to give all of them slay earrings ❤ except i couldnt figure out what 2 give tommen so he doesnt have them 😔 #he does have his ears pierced tho ☝ maybe he like just got it done bc hes a baby #im aware thats not how that hat works btw ik the hair's not supposed 2 be out. idgaf #my art

[static-quo]

Not certain these clergy can do anything about cleansing my sins- ówò

#Vox #Alastor #1 AM POST FATHER VOX AND SISTER ALASTOR AND RUN‼️‼️‼️ #this has been living RENT FREE in my head #me b4 ep 5: oh radiostatic yeah it’s cool #me now: OHHHH The bitter exes have MATCHING OUTFITS ???? #Al is 100% Aroace but this is def some kind of queer situationship they got goin on- #hazbin alastor #hazbin vox #hazbin hotel #tagging bc I am proud even tho I didn’t go for full shading _(:’3_\/_)_ #volt’s art

[tabooiart]

this hot pink bitch was named breakfast!!!

#my art #fanart #starkid #team starkid #npmd #nerdy prudes must die #nibbly #nibblenephim #kim whalen #this one was significantly more difficult than tinky.. something about the angle of the head #also having to spend a lot of effort on the mouth which i usually dont like doing but cmon. its nibbly. the mouth is like his whole deal #ALSO THE HAIR WAS SUCH A BITCH TO PAINT #and the bedazzled visor...... honestly the whole thing #i like how it turned out tho!! #oh also if u look closely i gave him pig eyes!!! something about the lib human forms looking pretty normal aside from freaky eyes #alas i once again had to shrink it because the canvas was the same size as tink's #cmon man discord can handle my giant canvases tumblr needs to get it together #speaking of are there any like starkid/hatchetfield discord servers that are active someone let me in im pawing at the door like a kitty ca

[morebird]

still obsessed with him 😳

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #bg3 fanart #astarion #bg3 astarion #astarion ancunin #no matter how much I try #this vampire lives rent free in my head #like i am not even THAT interested in bg3 anymore #but i see astarion and my brain turns to mush #anyways if you like the first one i have a little something extra #dont know when i'll finish it tho #probably this year lol

[dizzybizz]

mingling memeing for today 🥰

#guys theyre so in my head i ????? helP???? #scum villian self saving system #svsss #sha hualing #liu mingyan #mingling #my art #doodle #for that last one teehee #honestly tho it could go any which way there #like... #both of them thinking biting? or kissing? shl thinking biting while lmy thinks kissing? #i kinda wanted to do full shoujo style for shl's but i went with the silly sloppy makeout instead #again IT WORKS wIT H BOTH #i was also thinking about keeping the veil for it but i didnt in the end ✋😭 #it might have been a mistake for me to learn how to draw the two of them. now there is no going back yknow. oh gods #anyways i love them and i think they could be so silly and good and aguuhhgooghgfhfghfhghghhg

[dawhkimz]

*throws you follower bishops*

#cult of the lamb #cotl fanart #cotl bishops #this had been in my head for a bit #i dont have much idea for heket and leshy tho #ill do one with nari and the lamb soon #if i feel like it ofc

[blueskittlesart]

Now that you're gone

#*guy who just spent a full month selling 60 pages worth of comics voice* i should write another comic #this is part 1 of 2 btw. i have another one scripted from aryll's pov LOL #anyway. the concept for this has been in my head for like. years. finally decided to actually write it tho lol #the thought of his family after the initial calamity strike makes me crazy. they lost him. but he was already gone. #he was gone the moment he picked up that sword. could they have stopped it? should they have? #would things have ended any differently if they'd tried? or would it only have been worse for him? #ANYWAY. hi everyone new black and white zelda comic from the black and white zelda comic guy #skribbles #botw #loz #legend of zelda #breath of the wild #totk #tears of the kingdom #OH SHIT. TRIGGER WARNINGS #tw gore #tw suicide #tw suicidal ideation #<sorry 4 forgetting at first LMAO

[milkbreadtoast]

idk how i want to draw him yet and not ready to make a srs attempt but here's a bad kdj phone doodle lol🚶🏻

#orv #kim dokja #omniscient reader's viewpoint #my art #oh yeah i didnt have ref for this fkdnfn was going off memory of the last (first) time i drew him #i cant do a serious attempt tho bc i havent read the novel so i dont have a clear image of him in my head yet... #(dont want to just copy the webtoon design hastily... if it matches my image thats fine but... idk yet) #my main opinion on the webtoon design is he's too hot/ikemen tho KFJDKDJ (this is what i thought since the beginning) #its like BONES mp100 anime reigen.... kdj is like manga reigen to me /j #but who knows maybe if i catch kdj brainrot i too will start drawing him like a kpop idol out of affection...🤷🏻‍♂️ #like the webtoon artist prob draws kdj pretty bc they love him sm #just like how i draw jys pretty bc of my brainrot... #so who knows maybe that will happen to me too🤷🏻‍♂️ time will tell #my main opinion on webtoon yjh (no one asked): CUTE BUT WHERES THE T1TTY BEL- *voice muffled as i get dragged away* #(copied most of these tags from twit too lazy to retype the commentary) #EDIT: i call him reigen jokingly bc theyre abt the same age but #kdj is also mob core to me.... #in that theyre both protags that dont look flashy and look more like extras/'mob charas' #yet r irrevocably unequivocably the protags of their respective stories #(just as everyone is the protag of your own life! sieze ur narrative! etcetc🖤) #also. both black haired bowlcut havers KJDJS #kdj is reigen coded (derogatory) and mob coded (POS) #hes also a 'con man like reigen..... yep hes def still reigen coded

[hinamie]

there's no furbish word for dilf :( sad :(

#my art #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #fushiguro toji #toji #fanart #jjk fanart #i took this too seriously for what it is but in my defense #uh #i have no defense actually this is the most unhinged thing i think ive ever drawn #bows head in shame gomenasorry.... #context ws talking 2 sam about my love of furby and long furby customization #and the free real estate that is fushiguro toji hit me like a truck #i have no clue if this has been done before sorry if it has sorry if it hasnt #i dont know if id be alarmed or proud if i was th first #i saw th art of toji with the very hungry caterpillar n was inspired also . took that ate it made it furby #speaking of furby this one Is sentient and yearns to Consume. toji actively hates it. he speaks furbish tho <3 bilingualism <3 #uhhhhh in other news debut toji art !! :D this man's shirt is holding on for dear life jesus. #his waist is so small and for what......................

[seventh-district]

Making Incorrect H:SR Quotes Until I Run Out of (hopefully) Original Ideas - Pt. 1 - Ratiorine Messages Edition

[Pt. 2] [Pt. 3] [Pt. 4] [Pt. 5] [Pt. 6]

#aventurine #dr ratio #ratiorine #aventio #honkai star rail #hsr #hsr incorrect quotes #hsr memes #hsr meme #honkai star rail memes #honkai star rail meme #hsr aventurine #hsr ratio #dr. ratio #veritas ratio #this blog is about to be about 80% Star Rail for an indefinite period of time. and i’m not sorry abt it y’all have been warned #can't get these guys outta my head so here's my first attempt at contributing to this fandom please laugh #no but fr tho i can't tell if any of these are Actually funny slash accurate or if they just are to me #still. the idea's been nagging me for a couple days so i'm getting it outta my system #i also hope none of these have already been made. i always fear that i'm gonna unknowingly copy someone aaa #also also i've no clue if my attempt at adding alt text was actually helpful or done right so if it isn't feel free to correct me

[xero013]

Nimbasa's Shining Star does it again✨

(🚇⚡)

#nimbasa trio #submas #gym leader elesa #subway boss ingo #subway boss emmet #elesa #ingo #emmet #conductorshipping #nimbasabattleshipping #subway boss kudari #subway boss nobori #kamitsure #thirdrailshipping #hello im back to serve some of that good food🍽️ #I AM SO SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG SKSHEKEJ #college continues to take a toll on my sanity but these three continue to live in my head rent free lol #Anyway have the subway bosses being Elesa's no.1 fans #we stan supportive and proud bfs #BW Elesa is collabing with a fashion company in Kalos #while B2W2 Elesa is collabing with one in Galar👀 #i will be sharing some concept art of her full fits sometime soon tho #(also LEGEND OF KALOS BABY DJEJEKS)

[myrabbitistryingtokillme]

Sometimes I forget I customized a Barbie doll a while ago to be jon and that he’s just sitting in my closet staring at me until I turn on my light towards my closet and see just like. A tiny jon sitting in a tiny desk with a conspiracy board behind him and tons of eyes staring back at me and I’m like “this is how tma is supposed to be represented”

#tma #the magnus archives #my whole room is actually tma coded #all paper macheyed maniquinn heads with sculpted faces and porcelain dolls and pieces of tape with eyes drawn on them all over my walls #considered. #i also have a painted Halloween tarantula with a fancy display on my wall #which is because I like spiders but is also web coded #tbe rest of my room is just cryptid core meets artist tho #lots of mothman and alien stuff mixed with ghibli and fanart