#i just dont understand why its taking so long. i already was told ill be paid at the 22nd but then after waiting through the whole weekend

[axelakim]

Title: Regret

Pairing: Ben Chilwell X Reader

Content: angst, fluff

You and ben have been a couple for about 4 years now. Both of you really love and understand each other, moreover for the past 1 year, you two can not be separated from each other because you have moved to Ben's house and that what makes you two more and more in love.

The season chelsea have been through was not really good. The club end up in 12th place in pl rank and there are lots of rumour of his teammates gonna go to another clubs, that's the reason why Ben always get home angry and not in the mood for the past 1 month. Like today, the traning session went well but the match wasn't. Chelsea lost 2 points against Liverpool, you've watched the game at home because youre working and got into some of accident when you were buying coffe at the supermarket across the office till your left palm wounded but u said to Ben that u just feeling a bit sick so you can't make it to the pitch. So you just waiting for Benji to reach home in the livingroom.

Not long after that, you heard your boyfriend opened the door and having such a disappointed and tired look in his face.

"Hei benjii, are u okay love?" while hiding ur left hand

"Yea i'm fine" he didn't even give you kisses when you welcome him.

He directly went to the kitchen and open the fridge "Why the hell there is no food in here? You didn't cook?" he asked

"No im sorry, i didn't cook because im feeling unwell and i just wanted to got home directly on my way home"

"Oh yea right" hearing him just responding u like that is kinda hurt but u dont want to make him more stressed out, so you just ignore it

"Should i cook for you? or we just order some food? what do you want?"

"No need, ill order it later by myself" while putting his dirty clothes in the basket

"Eum how are you today? any stories?" you asked wanted to know more about his day

"You still asking me? you saw me lost right, fucking lost and here you are still asking me about how am i, dont play dumb Y/N you already know how terrible i am now, if you want some attention the answer is not now"

this is the first time he snapped at you, his whole face turning red

Your heart was aching but again u just hold it

"Can u chill out? I just want to know more about my boyfriend's day. Is that so wrong?" holding up your tears

"Yes its so fucking wrong, youve already saw me lost today and u still asking me about my day, and always asking me the same annoying questions when i get home" he answered

"Oh so im the one who is wrong here huh?" you replied

"Yeah because you always so chatty about many things, this and that and also annoying"

You continued, "well maybe your decision to asked me move out with you was wrong then huh?"

"Kinda regret it indeed" he said it cold and went upstairs to your shared room

You frozen for a second hearing what he said, u just went blanking and dont know what to do. Your heart is aching so much, the questions youve always asked him that you consider it as an act of caring but ur boyfriend seemed didn't really happy about it. You always have his back and support all of the things he does but seems it is not enough for him.

You decided to put your jacket on and take your car's key. You told your security at home to open the gate and said to him that you just wanted to go to the supermarket.

After ben done showering, he went downstairs to check up on you because he felt guilty about the argument earlier but you weren't in the living room so he tried to find you in the guest bedroom but u also weren't there, he tried to call your name

"Y/N.... Y/N, are u here babe?" all around the house but he didnt find you

Then he heard some knock on the door, he thought it was you but it turned your best friend, Camilla.

" Omg you camilla, i thought it was Y/N"

"What shes not home? where is she ben?"

"Shes home when i arrived then after i showered shes gone"

"You should find her, her car missing i thought u used it but youre here and her hand wounded because of this morning accident, she really need a rest, im so worried rn"

"What? what accident? she didnt tell me anything? oh my lord, i messed up real bad, fuck it"

"Dont you say youve had some argument earlier ben?" camilla narrowed her eyes

"Yes yes we had it okay, and it was kinda really bad camilla, she must gone because of it, ,im so stupid, ill go find her rn"

"Damn it you chilwell, find my friend rn or you dead with me!"

They both go out to the security guard and asked about you, its almost midnight and you havent even come back home. Ben really worried about you and getting more stressed out. He called you so many tjmes but seems you have blocked his contact, then he called all of his friends and bodyguard acquaintances to find you. He also went to all of your favorite places but still he didn't find you. He drove his car with tears coming down on his cheek, he really regret what he have done to you, you didn't deserve to be treated like that. You are his princess, best friend, and also partner in everything, how could he be so mean, how could he let anger overwhelm him.

Its 3.30 am, hes still on the road till he got a call from a guy name Franky his bodyguard acquaintances, he said he found u because u use your credit card to stay in a hotel. Ben directly went to that hotel and asking your room number to the receptionist, glad that he knew ben and knew that you are his girlfriend so he let him to have the spare key.

Ben already there, in front of room 305 your room. He got in and found the silent and dark room. He turned on the light and saw you slept peacefully on the king size bed. He saw your puffy face and traces of tears that still wet on your cheeks. He checked your wounded palm too, looking at you like this made him really felt terrible rn.

Benji checked your silent phone and found so many missed calls from him, camilla, and others. Benji sent text to camilla first to tell her that youre okay. After that he just lay beside and hugging you till he fell asleep.

In the morning you awake and realized youre not home, but u felt someones arm hugging u from behind, u wanted to shout out at first but then u recognize the hand and also the tattooes. ITS MR CHILWELL.

You try to get up and let go his grip slowly, but Benji noticed.

"Hi baby" u just silent at his raspy voice, youre mad at him but also missing him sm at the same time.

"Hey i know you awake love, come here, let me see your face"

You try to hold ur body but u cant, he managed to turn your body to face his. His face looked so calm now not like last night. He smiled at you for a awhile.

He suddenly kiss your lips and u wipe it

"Huftt i know u must be really mad at me rn, im sorryy babe, i messed up"

"Oh you call me babe now?"

"Sorry sorryy Y/N, babe, i really regret what i did to you last night, im sorry, i let my emotion took control of me" he pleaded

"Yea" that was all u said, tried to get up from his tight hands around you

"No no youre not going anywhere" he said

"Huftt... i dont know Ben, im really dissappointed at you right now. The way u treated me last night make me feel like u dont love me anymore. You really know it well that i dont like when people raised their voice on me especially the people i love, you" u said it in tears

"Baby i know, i know you we've been together for 4 years. I really know it well, im sorry that i treated you like youre somekind of punching bag to me. It was just the effect of bad season and the rumour about my teammates, i just really stress and dont know what to do. Instead i let out my anger and bad mood all to you, while all u did for me was just supporting and taking care of me. Im sorry that i called you annoying i didnt mean it. You always such a loving and caring person especially to me , i really lucky to have you in my life. Im the one whos being a dick all the time since the bad season coming for chels" he said it all in tears also

You touched, you know u shouldnt go easy to him after he breaking ur heart like that. But you love him and you know frpm the deep down of your heart that he really didnt mean it. He even put so much effort to find you. You sighs and continue

"I know, you just stressed out but im here as your partner to comfort you, taking care you, hearing you, and loving you okay not a place for you to let out your anger out. I just wanted to support you Ben in every obstacles on your life, dont get it wrong. And ya maybe sorry if im being too much chatty in your house too, ill try reduce it"

"Love noo, its our house not my house. Its ours not only mine, and no youre not chatty im sorry you just wanted to take care of me and please do it for me" he smiled wiping off your tears

"I really regret my act last night, give me one chance to make us better" he continued

"Um noo" you answered

"Baby what do you mean no" he afraid of the possibility of breaking up and losing you

"Are you not gonna forgive and give me a chance?" he panicking

"I do give you a chance but i cant forgive you yet" you said "It was just too much for me, you know it right?"

"Okay okayy, im glad to hear that thank you sweet" he kissed you

"How do i make it up then baby?"

"With a rope and handcuffs maybe?"

"Oh you want to have playtime? thats easy babe. We just need to get home first"

"Yea playtime but this time im not the one whos being tied and hancuffed"

"You mean me?? hell no" benji refused it

"Okay then no sleeping with me for the next 1 week" you threathen

"Noooo, okay okay babyyy im down for it, youre the dom for tonight's playtime" he smiled

"Yayyy and can i ask one more thing again?"

you pleaded with puppy eyes

"Anything for my baby"

"Can you accompany me to watch barbie and going shopping for barbie related things?"

"Yes you can love, its easier than to be a sub for a playtime" he carresed your cheek

"Now can you forgive me now? I need an official statement from you"

"Yeaa kindaaa"

"I take it as a yes princess, and dont ever you call me Ben again, its terrifying"

You indeed never call him by his real name its always Benji, love, baby, babe, etc, because if you call him by his real name he knows it well that he has messed up real bad with you and he didnt like that also.

"And btw why u didnt tell me about thi" ben asked pointing to your wounded hand

"Dont want u to be worried to much at me while youre on the pitch" you smiled innocently

"Love u have to tell me okay, im sorry i didnt even paying attention to it"

"Its okay, im okay now"

"Have you bring it to the doctor?"

"Yes i have, yesterday and she said its totally okay, i just need to treat it well and change my bandages"

"Hmm i see, lets get home right now and take care your wound okay, you also owe me a story of this little accident"

"I will tell u in car, lets get out pf here right now benjii, im hungryy"

"Lets goo, but kiss me first and say i love you baby"

"Why?? u always like it when i call you Benji"

" I like it but baby is more special to me, also just want to make sure you really forgive me :)"

"I forgive you Mr.Ben Chilwell" you kissed him in a passionate kiss, quite long kiss the you two pull out

"And i really love you baby, thats the reason why i cant stay mad at you" rub your nose against his

"But promise me you will never do that again?"

"Promise princess, i will make you happy, im sorry about yesterday alright love? I really regret it, i love you so much"

You two once again pull in for a kiss and then checked out from the hotel and going home.

#ben chilwell #cfc #chelsea #chelsea fc #ben chilwell blurb #ben chilwell fluff #ben chilwell x reader #ben chilwell x y/n #ben chilwell fanfic #fanfic #fandom #fantasy #football player x reader #football #football fanfic #football x reader

[saiiboat]

i’d love to hear about your fuga sailing stuff \o/

HII ^_^ awesome. ok. so atm i have one silly racing au that i rotate in my head and one fic in the works which takes place directly after fuga when guaxinim, pac, and mike leave the island together on the boat. this one is heavy on the hurt and lighter on the comfort and is essentially just pac on one massive spiral now that he's starting to process everything that happened in prison and the island. lots of pac feeling guilty about cell's perceived suicide and struggling with his anger at mike for getting them into this mess. he's very much an emotional wreck LOL. hes been through so fucking much man. also going from being enclosed in a prison for a year and a half and then being out on open water and the crazy anxiety of being in such an open space is. well. its really getting to him. i'll leave some snippets of it under the cut 💪💪💪

the racing au is really just silly⛵💪💪🔥🔥🔥the nature of the sailing autism being that i always need to take some guys and throw them on a racing team, all of their insanities included.

when i talked about this au before i said that they sailed j22s but im upgrading them. they now sail Melges 20s. its official. ill put images under the cut. god. gorgeous boats.

the general idea is that JV and cell are two sailors looking for new members for their respective crews. felps is already on cell's crew and guaxinim sails with JV. probably at some point jv was on cell and felp's crew and now they have some kind of crazy beef. anyways. cell is just as weird and gross and intense as he is in fuga and he really wants pac and mike on his crew and having nothing to do with JV. obviously mike is skeeved out by the weird gross guy who looks maybe a bit too hungry sometimes and tries to get pac to join JV's crew with him. unfortunately pac is way too enamored with cell's negative rizz and cell proposes the idea to pac that tazercraft splits ways and mike can join JV's crew on his own. Mike is understandably upset at this but still ends up joining JV and guaxi's crew. the two boats have insane tension and pac is torn between pretending none of this happened at all and ignoring mike/sending worlds saddest eyes back to mike. mike is hurt and pissed off at pac and cell and felps and does his best to pretend that they dont exist at all while also needing to beat them in every regatta ever or he'll DIE because maybe if he wins against them enough times it'll prove something to pac. what will it prove? i dont think even he knows lol.

cell is actively trying to drive a wedge in between pac and mike and JV is doing the same thing on the other side. felps is purposely looking the other way during all of this and guaxinim is watching it all go down with some sick sense of fascination. definitely just hanging around to watch it happen like a long drawn out car crash.

cell in this au is especially fascinating to me. squeezing him like a stressball. he's ten ways fucked in the head and the reason why he started sailing in the first place is because his therapist told him to get a hobby and it was downhill from there. anyways cell tells his therapist about pac and the next time cell sees pac he walks up to him and says "my therapist says that we need to get coffee together and have normal interactions so i stop thinking about eating you" and pac just goes. oh! and its the hottest thing anyones ever said to him

obsessed with them, frankly

^^ sexual images fr

#ty for the ask :333 it was fun to get to talk abt them ^_^ !!! #wsdanon #courtesy of ro #suicide mention #<< pac recounting the end of fuga #our answers #saii.answers #saii.writing

[sentientgopro]

So, the other day, I told the first other person I know IRL that I cracked, over a month after it happened, and it was, well, weird.

The reason for it being this person in particular was that I know, damn well, they get it. Hell, they're a massive egg themselves, their words, not mine. So I knew if I was gonna tell anyone, they had to be first.

I didn't wanna outright bring it up to them if I could avoid it, so I started with small hints every now and again, like being a little too careless with keeping my phone close to me while I had an r/egg_irl or r/traaaaaa... post on my feed. They commented on it when they saw egg irl, I told them Im not an egg, they looked at me as if to say "yeaahhh sure about that buddy" and I followed up by saying an egg is someone who hasn't realised it, And I realised a month ago.

Idk if I wasn't clear enough, it was kinda loud in the room, of whether they thought I was joking, but they didn't really react to it at the time.

It wasn't until we went on a walk to get lunch a week or so later, and they kinda got into something a bit personal out of the blue, and it really set the tone of "we dont normally talk about shit but we can do that right now." As it goes, the thing they were talking about could feed kinda well into me being more upfront with what I was trying to say. I repeated the same "Im not an egg" trick I did last time but clearer, and we had a back and forth exchange of

"But In a cis way right?"

"No."

"But in a-"

"No."

"...

...

...But in a-"

"no."

and it kinda seemed to catch them off guard a bit, being so upfront with what I was saying. As I said, they say themself that they're a massive egg, as a joke, ofcourse. But I think they were so suprised by me doing that because they feel the same way but are down so many layers deep in "in a cis way, still cis tho". And it kinda makes me wonder if me being so upfront and honest with myself about it will help them be honest to themself. Either way, I feel like I'm starting to read too much into someone elses emotions and make assumptions based on nothing.

Other than the initial suprise, they didn't really react much and have much else to say, and I really think thats a good outcome? Like, they get my situation, I can't start transitioning for a while, so they understand that I'm not really trans yet, Im just telling them how I feel, and kinda reacted like that was the case. The most they said was when I was talking about how I just kinda gotta manage it for now until I can move out and they said "Fuck it, we ball" and I was just like. Exactly, you get exactly what I mean.

So its weird, because while it feels like a massive deal to me and feels kinda anticlimactic, I dont really want to be treated like its a massive deal yet? Because really, nothing has or will change for a long time, and thats part of the reason I havent come out to more people yet, because its just gonna be awkward to continue like I never said anything afterwards. But this was good.

So, this has been a fairly aimless log just generally talking about my first experience kinda coming out as trans (not my first experience of coming out, plenty of people know Im Ace) so I wanted to write down my thoughts on it. After so many posts like this, it still feels kinda silly, but I guess the whole point of blogs is that theyre kinda like public diaries? idk.

Its also worth noting this was part of one of my 3 goals for this year, to start kinda coming out to people. I doubt Ill tell anyone else, maybe one other person I can trust, but idk. As for the other 2, I really havent made a great deal of progress with planning my transition, but thats fine, its January. As for "100%ing Celeste to the best of my ability?" Kind already done after 40hrs and just over a month of having it. I thought thatd take me alot longer lmfao. So, update to that one, lets say, Strawberry Jam done up to expert lobby? Sure, why not.

#personal logs #196 #transgender #transfem

[vexxandra]

intuitive messages from your person (really specific so probably not gonna resonate lol)

first time doing this! a bit of practice, since im not good with listening to my intuition. but were trying new things this new year. lool lets get started :D

m tellin u its like super SUPER specific ;D

pile one:

things that could have significance : genshin, but more specifically, wishing, debate clubs, when you wish upon a star, steven universe end credits (love like you), lavender or mint, milk, the name sofia?, sweaters or oversized clothes,  telephone (the song or the object), dial/tone, closet

hello dear. have i been away for too long? apologies, work is very hard nowadays and i find that ive been losing myself more and more. but ive been thinking about you quite a lot. especially at night. dreaming of you. ive been irresponsable, not answering your calls quickly enough and leaving things to pile up between the two of us. but please know that im working very hard and trying the best i can. you must be furious with me, and i can understand that. give me more time, and i promise i wont let you down. id never let you down. i love you too much to ever be able to do that. ive been losing sleep, and thats tiring because i get to see you when i sleep so i find that ive been taking meds more often to help with that. thats stupid, and id know you tell me the same. god, i wish you were next to me right now. then id fall asleep quicker than a light flicks off. music. ill speak to you through our favorite songs, and ill listen for things you say to me in yours as well. its time for me to say good bye though. know that nothing has changed between us, and i care for you as much as ever before.

signed, yours.

pile two:

things that could have significance: grocery stores at night, denki kaminari vibes honestly!!, mixtapes (like old cassette ones), guitar, dog or pets, crescent, artic monkeys, blasting music super loud, summertime, you get me so high - the neighbourhood, electric (or electric love)

gee, its really been a while since we’ve talked last. you’re my best friend, ill love you forever, yknow that? you’re super cool. cooler than popsicles on a summer day. cooler than penguins in the north pole. wait-- penguins live in the south pole? no one told me that?! hey! its not my fault, i never knew that. jeez... still teasing as ever, huh? sometimes i wonder how it would have been if i hadn’t moved away/transferred schools. we’d be tightknit! and we already are. there are so many stupid pictures of us in my camera roll that i jsut scroll through them when i feel like i miss you. nahh im just playing! i always miss you! we should totally hang out sometime soon! lets race grocery carts!

see ya! - your best friend

pile three:

things that could have significance: notebooks, preppy or academia aesthetic, fandom or into dnd, pearls or pearly whites, ‘shade’ colors (white, grey, black-- but emphasis on grey), 505 by artic monkeys, classroom, bunch of school imagery

dear you

why do you have to be so perfect? ive always been top of my class, such an overachiever, but with you, its like all of my accomplishments are suddenly fade away. you’re awesome like that, you know. stop letting your parents control your life. you’re a super smart person, dont let anyone EVER tell you otherwise. oh, and you can let your hair down too. im not gonna judge you, and plus, i think you look nice without your hair all tight like that. meet me at our spot. the spot that’s only ours. a place where we can just be ourselves. what? stop playing around, trying to get me to tell you again. what if someone sees this letter?! its just something between you and me, and i know i can trust you. id trust you with my life, pile three. im serious. stay the way you are. dont become a product of society. you’re absolutely perfect the way you are.

from, yours

pile four TW: Harsh truth! Please don’t read unless you’re ready and willing

things that could have significance: floating, or sinking(into a mattress, or in water), bath/bathing, milky way or space in general, being loved by a ghost, anxiety/confusion, salt or minerals. lots of comparisons here, so that could be something too. also francis forever - mitski and last words of a shooting star -mitski

this person didn’t have a letter to write to you. they were very blocky and choppy and took long pauses in between of answering. also, these are just sentences, so everytime there’s a period, its a sentence ending, and a new idea beginning

i dont need you. i have everything i need. so why are you here? what am i missing? what do i not understand? stop getting into my head. ive been thinking of you. you look nice. (dont) call me. please trust me, i can keep my promises. that, i can swear. bandaids cant heal my scars. sometimes i just want to fall asleep for a long time, and you cant stop or save me. they mean more to me than you. forever. i still care about you. they lied. im getting bored. you used to be the sun. what dont you understand? i still loved you. goodbye. (bonus message: they wont last)

#pac #intuitive messages #pick a pile #tarot #tarot messages #psychic messages #i really dont know if this will resonate #hopefully it does! #have a lovely day #or night #either way #dont lose ur light <3

[chiyoso]

I HONESTLY DID NOT EXPECT TO HAVE SO MUCH GREETINGS THAT ITS OVERWHELMING ME TO THE POINT WHERE IM GUSHING WITH SO MUCH JOY ??????????????

THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR LOVELY AND UPLIFTING WORDS

i thought my birthday was going to be dull this year with all the whole pandemic, getting sick thing and burnout shinanigans — but creating a growing community... was one of the best decisions i have done in my whole nineteen years worth of choices to do. i love you all, so so much. strangers we might be, acquaintances from afar, friends from behind the screen — it doesn't matter, kindness goes far beyond through each word we speak.

and all of your words have reached me. (cough your lie in april reference without the dying)

this is my first time letting out media of my adventures and personal life, but yesterday was such a special day and i plan to do more today (birthdays over here typically last a few more days since only a day of celebration isnt really enough, depends on the person/environment though 🤭)

Chocolate Taiyaki Strawberry Pocky Pork Katsudon

Mochi Ice Cream Wendys Coffee

ME AND GOJO MERCH I BOUGHT HEHE

(will buy genshin impact birthday gifts for myself)

the name of the restaurant on the right reminded me of lyney, scara and me.

i will not elaborate further.

(also why am i so good at taking pics)

hehe. once again, thank you all so much for the support, i've been planning mentally so much that perhaps i just needed a little break from writing (the sickness and my bday proved a very nice break for me)

writing things

cynosure's ascendance

• i have no idea if people still remember this series of mine, but i do remember starting it out of desire to create a character of lust, battle and trauma and laying it bare for the xianzhou luofu to witness (cough jing yuan) so this series WILL be continued out of self interest

the mara's will

• the direction of this series will take a dark turn. it wont all be happy, but since its inspired by honkai impact... you're going to see more of powerful reader, and come to me in inbox, should i refer to old gods as herrschers? make this timeline where the universe of star rail will be tested by the imaginary tree's schemes and threaten to fall it towards the sea of quanta? i primarily have a good understanding of the whole imaginary tree thing, and i can see it applies to hyv games, thus leading me to the question of — are all connected somehow? (hsr welt's from hi3 after all)

• so yeah! i'm just conflicted as to what direction ill lead tmw with, so please, indulge me with your ideas and help me make sense of the timeline for it.

• (option 1) star rail, a universe that fought off the very, very ancient forces of what people of the infinitely old called honkai, and since the eradication of the ancient forces, they have been thriving ever since, hence the start of new technologies combined with long forgotten ones (previous era combined with stellar resources today) but all had forgotten about them in the process, them being the houkai, and the imaginary tree will soon test this 'bubble universe' (hsr) because simply; it is its law, it is its nature.

• (option 2) no bubble universes, no honkai impact timeline, just hsr itself with elements INSPIRED by the game

• (option 3) come to me! (told you im so conflicted hehe)

stellar chasm

• nngh im making a few ppl wait with this series, but trust me, i'm just studying and playing honkai impact to get a better grasp of hi3 abilities, how herrschers work, the lore and etc. and i honestly really want to involve durandal in mc's progress, we all know durandal is so fucking, so damn strong to the point where she can hold off kevin (im in that part or after so i have no clue if something happens to her, PLEASE DONT SPOIL ME THO) so yeah! i have already an idea as to how will mc will become a herrscher + getting the divine key abyss flower 😌 juuust... let me study more of hi3 🥹 also i have kind of scrapped the HoV personality? i'm going for an eden but more flirty, sensual (not purposely) type — that's all i'm spoiling!

i have 4 upcoming fics as well!

• It starts with a glance (Neuvillette, dark content)

• For you, Ma Moitie (Neuvillette oneshot)

• Neuvillette, your colleague (Headcannons)

• follower milestone with self aware!blade

that's all for now! once again, thank you all and LOVELY PROSPEROUS DAYS TO ALL OF YOU

love,

hiraeth

#🎂|·❍✧⃝·° H. — Birthday Archives (090123) #🪧|·❍✧⃝·° H. — UPDATES

[panie-wanie-dean-bean]

The last piece for Hybrid AU where MC gets injured (which i genuinely appreciate u both deciphering my drunken nonsense and also writing something so So delightful btw i dont think i thanked u for that yet so thank u! ^^) i got more brain zoomzooms to abuse! >83

That last piece got me thinkin, well moreso the accident was definitely a wakeup call for the MC, they should really take their life insurance and will more seriously! In case of their untimely demise, it would be her utmost priority to leave her estate to her darling boys (and a hired caretaker for Bo).

But I imagine being a "rich bitch tm" is no easy feat, I mean who knows wat distant great-uncle-aunty-twice-removed-cousin is waiting in the bushes for their time to strike and seize their assets??

And with how Hybrids are already stigmatized and discriminated against, how much convincing would it take a judge to relinquish those assets to them? After all they share blood (somewhere in their bloodstream), and a den of wild animals aren't "smart enough to handle a true human's business" they're just a bunch of strangers, pets, in Nick's case they could all just be paid for whores who took advantage of their treasured relative! (What was her name again?)

And She was so ill! She wasn't in her right mind, what with her grief over her parents, it was truly a tragic day when that random piano fell upon her from a 10 foot drop, as she recovered from...some illness or another.

I mean what are the odds of a piano being moved to the second floor of a beach resort on a busy saturday afternoon 10 minutes after she accidentally ingested a poisoned margarita and was fine? perhaps it was her mother who was allergic to pineapples- but in any case It was Tragic! surely!!

It gives her the chills just thinking about it. Having a greedy yet wealthy family is honestly like being born in a den of snakes.

No, she needs a human to help with it all, of course. Why not someone who understands her plight?? That Hybrid Rights Activist! (Im naming her Daun), I mean the first meeting was off to a rocky start, but she of all people should understand how territorial hybrids get, she has one of her own! A cat boy named Simoun, who sneers at the idea of gettin to know the boys, but, you know how cats are. They shall move in post-haste!

Daun is named the Executor, which means she's the individual appointed with carrying out the instructions, and affairs of the deceased, as well as an inheritor of an equal portion of the total sum of MC's estate, its only fair after all. (Idk anything about law but in this universe of my mind Daun has the human privileges of editing the will if she wants bc they're second class citizens. And she wont ofc! :):) why would she? :):) )

It's so exciting! To MC and Daun it's like marrying ur best friend, with the added bonus of fantastic sex! And Im certain Daun wouldn't shy away from getting to know the boys on an interpersonal level now, Simoun too! Daun's always wanted to be a cool mom, we'll be spending so much time together, if MC kicks the bucket, and Daun is left in charge, well, it's only natural that they be on their best behavior. Wouldn't want to end up homeless or right back in that dreadful shop with someone who is far more poor, and a hundred times crueler than MC, reduced from a partner to a pet in an instant... oh excluding Daun, of course!

She wants to start fresh after that terrible dinner party, So long as there are No threats, No blackmailing with that silly little information Barry found,

it's not Daun's fault her father was a part of a Human-Hybrid Crime Syndicate. She just has to live with it! And she already told her sob story to MC. All they ever did was steal from the rich and give to the *mutter*-er. Mc heard "Poorer". And ofc they dont harm anyone else unless they're planning something Really dangerous...like setting a hybrid orphanage on fire, or skimming a little extra off the top of-...the "charity" funds that Daun's sector handles.

So~ no biting or misbehaving.

Just Smiles, and Charity galas hosted on their new shared estate. where they're dressed and buffed, seen but not heard. Charming if they have to be, when approached, to get people on their side.

Once people's minds change about hybrids, it makes it easier to conduct her family's business. And If Simoun gets a little snippy, or bratty by breaking things its their job as the older siblings to let it slide, he was practically a little prince in his old life within the Crime Syndicate. Practically posted right on top of her father's lap 24/7 and spoiled rotten.

it also wouldnt be difficult to convince MC that boys will be boys~ she's practically wrapped around Daun's little finger. All those concerns of "manipulation" and "coercion" they're just territorial! Yknow how they were when MC was on that business trip.

But Im making it seem worse than it is, Daun makes it clear that if they're cool to her, she'll be cool with them, they can even pretend to like each other in front of MC if they cant seem to get along after a while once they settle in. Oop! If you dont fall for her yourself of course! She really is the nicest human! They can learn to love each other. She wont judge them for being hybrids, will love them as her own, spoil them for every birthday and holiday with MC by her side, play with them if they'd like! And look the other way when they engage in their bedroom affairs that would definitely slander MC's image in the eyes of the disapproving public. But Nick should know how hypocritical humans can be when they hire his services in secret! Hell Daun can use that if he's ever interested~

And if by some happenstance over a cup of tea late at night if they run into each other...she could inquire if, Bo...Jack... or Rory may want to help get rid of some threatening Anti-Hybrid radicals.

Those big muscles and sharp teeth can sure come in handy during runs-No? It's fine if not, it would just reaaaally help MC out, given that they're so mean to hybrid sympathizers like them during their shared campaigns, so many hurtful comments and the occasional death threat. But Daun's sure its probably just some edgy teen commenting anonymously for attention.

MC also wouldnt want them getting hurt! She loves them so much, and endures...so much for them to have a happy life, oh..they didnt know about that?? not even with Barry's meddling?? Augh, of course she would never tell them about it~ I guess Daun is just.... better at easing her burdens~! ^-^ Hybrid Activists gotta stick together after all,

So...just be a cute and quiet little lap dog, when Daun goes on her personal "business trips" okay~? Maybe MC's kiss on one cheek, and yours on the other? And tell that birdbrain in the pool to mind his business and mind his manners. Everything Daun does, she does for their little family here~

Yes, we can all be one big happy quirky little family! Just the boys, MC, and their lovely new stepmother :)

ignore the ominous lightning in the background, you know how it is with late summer weather~

🖤 nonny

(...genuinely idk where all this came from. I stg i wanted Daun to just be an innocent helpful bystander to the cute hybrid boys jealousy, but i guess her soul said "nah let's go evil (well chaotic neutral) mode" and wrote this instead-)

Ok, this is pretty neat, but I really hope you know that none of this is canon. I'm glad my au could inspire you to make all this, but my main focus of this au is for the boys to heal, not for a new villain to come in and steal their master

Again, this is really cool, but I'm not going to add onto it at all because this is your own au of my au where this woman exists (Also my y/ns are always gender neutral unless I'm writing smut)

#🖤 anon #whispers of an angry god #hybrid au

[ghostbrawl]

sent the 🐯 - nono the thing is i do know you!! youre not a stranger im just... sometimes i get spooked off, from interacting so much. because sometimes i think people just hate me and only keep me around as to not make me upset :( and thats got nothin to do with you, you didnt do anything wrong. its me with my stupid thoughts and shit. i think youre really cool and i love your art and style and you seem so confident and dont give a shit about a lot of things. im intimidated by that

tried to answer this one privately and realized i couldn't because its an anon ask haha .. welp! i still want you to hear my input on this one so it's just going to be no reblog.

i'm going to put my response under the cut though for the sake of people's dashboards and because it's somewhat mushy. continue if you dare, followers - i'll be talking in depth about, like, emotions an shit.

so i sat on this ask for a while and really rolled it around my enclosure a little bit. full disclosure i need to just say for a long time i also felt this way - by that i mean feeling as though [people just hate me and only keep me around as to not make me upset] - for various reasons.

one reason was that i had experienced real world examples of this sort of coddling many times - people online and in real life would often entertain me to my face and talk about me behind my back, mostly until i got too annoying to bear and was openly lashed out at or shunned. most of these incidents occurred when i was 16 or younger, to be fair, but they did make a mark on me.

another reason was just anxiety - if i didn't know exactly what the people around me thought, it would be safe to say those thoughts were bad. it would've verified what i thought about myself- and assuming those people already hated me allowed me to empathize with the versions of my loved ones that i created in my head. i often mourned the fact that they had to deal with me before i even knew whether they were annoyed or not.

these were the two main reasons why i often felt like people hated me, but i'm sure there were more.

i don't have an EXACT read on who you are anon, though i feel like i have an idea (you don't have to tell me, but if you'd like, reach out and send me a dm) - but personally, if we know each other, and i've not yelled at you or blocked you or told you not to talk to me, there's an incredibly decent chance (99%) that i neither hate you nor think you're annoying.

if you're my next door neighbor from two years ago, i take that back. but if you aren't, keep reading!

other than in my deepest darkest worst moments, i've pretty much trained myself out of the kneejerk assumption that my friends and loved ones hate me. i'll try not to sound preachy when i talk about why, but trust me when i say i have a point here in talking about it.

anyway - here's how i stopped doing that.

#1 - i started to model my own understandings of people's attitudes toward others based on my own attitudes.

ok i know that sounds weird or isn't very easy to understand so let me just give an example.

a technique i used a lot was just thinking through how, when, and why i liked or loved my friends. i loved my friends because they have similar interests to me, because of the history we had together, because it was easy to communicate with them, because i loved their minds and ideas, because they enriched my life (even when i didn't talk to them as much), because i was excited to hear from them + learn about their life, because i cared about them and didn't want to see them sick or hurt, because they were fun to hang out with, etc. etc etc.

then, i'd think about how i felt when one of my friends messed up, was irritating, annoying, or made me angry in some way. depending on how egregious the ill was, i reacted anywhere from pretty much none at all (for most irritations or annoyances) - to 'angry in the moment, it fades later' (for high stress situations in which i had no excuses for that friend) - to 'we seriously need to work this out' (for ongoing situations in which i was building up the strength to address).

most of the time, the irritations i encountered fell into the first category. many times i couldn't even be annoyed - i loved those friends so much that it didn't even matter, either in the very second the irritation happened or in the grand scheme of things.

in the few moments that i encountered more grave irritations such as those in the last category, what usually would happen is either that me and the other person sorted out our grievances and both agreed to change our behavior, or we parted ways.... and many of the friends i parted ways with i found wanting their company again and reconnected with them.

in evaluating myself in the context of my friends, though i can never know how, when, or why my friends love me, i know for relative certainty that when i am irritating or annoying to them, it is incidental and fades just as quickly for them as it fades for me. my friends will never be as concerned with my small flaws and ills as i am - it simply doesn't affect them nearly as much as it affects me.

^ this idea is doubly true for acquaintances and people you don't know as well as to say "friends" -- at the acquaintance level people can choose whether to get closer or to drift, factoring in time, interest, hyperfixation, location, their jobs, etc.

but this first technique only worked when i had the self-esteem to internalize the fact that other people's inner worlds were both just as complex as mine (holding complex feelings about oneself and each other) and just as simple as mine (annoyed or not? and for how long? etc)!

so another thing that really helped me was

#2 - faking confidence until i could build it properly.

i know everyone says this shit and it seems so ineffectual when it feels much more grounded and real to be cynical, to be anxious and upset with oneself.

and in many senses, it IS ineffectual - immediately. faking confidence is something that only works over years of doing it, and in faking your confidence you must also identify very real parts of yourself to be Actual Confident(tm) about and work toward feeling that way for real.

faking confidence is the sandbox where i, personally, found actual things to be proud of myself for within. when i faked confidence in my voice, way of thinking, my art, and my personality, i eventually found actual things to like in each of those aspects of myself based on how people reacted to that "front" of confidence i put up about those aspects of myself.

for a while i faced an awkward phase where my faked confidence was so intense that it manifested as arrogance and aggression toward others -- avoid this if you can . facepalm emoji.

but in presenting myself as somebody who was equal (or even greater) than other people in social situations i was in, other people pointed out things to be praised about me.

at first i'd be skeptical, but i'd keep it in the back of my mind. but over time, i'd see over and over the success of those parts of myself in social situations, artistic circles, athletic contexts, etc, and start to think "maybe i am good at [x]" or "maybe [personality trait] about me is helpful and cool", and on and on and on.

confidence and self-like is a process that builds on itself and gets easier over time. the second i began to question whether traits i had were really harmful or bad, the more i started to see reinforcing evidence of the contrary; of them being productive, healthy, interesting, worth having rather than destroying.

and the further you progress in this avenue, the easier it is to #not give a shit about things - or to respond less to attacks on the psyche or personality.

and when i reinforced + gained a respect for the parts of myself i once hated, it became easier to believe that others could admire me as much i admired them - that others could brush off my shortcomings as easily as i brushed off theirs.

recently, i hate to admit, i've had to start this process of loving myself all over again as i've started to experience a major personality shift brought on by gaining different + new responsibilities in my life. i respond differently to new circumstances so many times that i'm becoming somebody different - somebody i'm not yet prepared to love. somebody that i'm much more inclined to loathe, because i've seen the effects of my new personality traits on myself and others; not in observing my own actions, but in observing the actions of people in my life with the same personality traits such as my family.

so for now my confidence in a lot of situations is much shakier than it used to be - but the foundations i created back when are still there. when i don't believe in myself or punch down on myself i can keep it relatively contained internally and not project it onto others - or if i can't avoid projecting it, i at least understand on some level that i'm being unreasonable... and i can still keep that outward confident look pretty seamlessly while working out new insecurities from within.

trust me - i give a lot of shits, and so does every other confident person you know. we just keep it to ourselves - not to say that keeping it to oneself is inherently better, but it just helps to keep oneself from spiraling into deeper and deeper self hatred. keeping that hate on the down-low keeps it from gaining significant power.

in terms of being intimidated by other confident people....

i have nothing really to say about that. i think it's something that both affirms and worries the confident person in question - to be intimidating is to be slick and cool and impenetrable. but to be intimidating is also to be impenetrable (/neg) - impossible to see the inner life of through that glare of coolness or confidence. i guess its a double edged sword, i dunno.

but i think it gets easier to see even the intimidatingly cool as dorky, regular people when you recognize that pretty much everyone has or had crappy self image at one point. people are less intimidating when you allow the idea that they too, are people who fuck up, who go through things, who break down, who hate themselves, and who are just trying their best to seem like somebody lovable and worthwhile. and do that in order to CHASE interactions with others - and that wanting those interactions doesn't reflect badly on you or them.

but idk. i get it if u don't wanna read all that.

TLDR: ur thoughts aren't stupid and we've all been there. and i'm just some tumblr user on the internet it's really not so serious or scary. i post incessantly about robot sex and wizards instead of getting groceries. and everyone is just as stupid and dorky as the worst person you know and that's totally fine.

#may archive or private or delete this post once i feel like the anon in question has seen this - sorry for the MASSIVE fucking post.

[aikapwq]

please dont leave.

modern!xiao x gn reader (no specified pronouns)

warnings ; a lil bit of swearing, angsty

today, your boyfriend, xiao, was out playing with his friends. you didnt really have a good mood. it isnt because of your boyfriend or anything — it was because of one of your so called "friend". you've posted on your whatsapp status that you dont want anyone disturbing you because of your bad mood today — and that "friend" kept bugging you trying to figure out what happened and what caused your bad mood.

" y/n, tell me what happened! tell me! or you dont wanna tell me because.. maybe i am the problem? " they asked.

" can you not? im rly trying to calm down rn and youre literally making it worse. " you replied with slight anger

" cmon, just tell me. it wont hurt! " they replied in confusion.

" i literally js told you i dont wanna share anything. do you not fucking understand? just shut the fuck up already. please stop talking to me. " you replied in complete anger. what the fuck is her problem???

after that they finally stopped disturbing you. you felt relieved, but — you have an active channel in telegram where you update everything in your life, the channel's only for your internet friends that are on tele. you were literally so mad you typed angrily,

" why the fuck are they so annoying?? ive already told them to stop talking to me because im already in a bad mood and they wont fucking leave me alone. fucks sake why cant they understand someone isnt comfortable to share their problems out of force. "

you typed a few more paragraphs then finally stopped and turned off your phone. you wanted to get some rest until—

beep! you have received a notification from: "lover 🤍"

"oh, a text from him! lemme see what he said." you thought. you opened your phone to see a long paragraph from him. you wondered - why the sudden long paragraph? and read it, it said,

" hey— um, y/n. i saw your message in the channel, is that directed to me? im sorry if i annoy you too much. i didnt know you were in a bad mood, i shouldnt have talked to you. ill give you some space. but um, yeah. take care of yourself, im coming back late at night. dont stay up too late. goodnight. "

you were shocked. wait— those messages arent even directed to him! why did he think of that in the first place?! there, you were shaking and crying, trying to text him with a blurry vision because of the tears,

" wait— xiao wait— xiao please dont leave me. xiao, xiao please answer. xiao- xiao please dont leave. please, please dont leave. pick up. please just respond i need you! "

you were quite surprised no typos were made despite your blurry vision, but that wasnt the point — today was tbe day your mood wasnt good, and you ruined your own boyfriend's mood because of your vent texts. god you fucked up so bad because today was the day you needed him so bad and yet, you ruined his day too.

xiaos pov;

65 unread texts, 2 missed calls. god, who was spamming me this bad? ill check later.

around 20 minutes later he finally opened his phone to 78 missed texts, 4 missed calls from " 我的爱 🦋" jeez. what do they even want from me?

as i read her texts, i realised she was kinda getting on my nerves.

" xiao?? xiao, xiao please just answer me— " were the only texts i read. too lazy to read the rest. i respond,

" what? "

your pov:

" oh hes online, finally. " you said quietly.

" what? " was the only text you received. did— did he not care anymore?..

" xiao, please just scroll above. i explained everything. i just— nvm just, please look at those messages.. i understand if you need some space and dont wanna talk to me rn. when you come home, sleep on the bed, dont carry me on the bed or smth, im sleeping outside lol. have fun wit your friends. night, im going to sleep. "

you knew damn well you werent. youre overly attached, so when every single minute passes by, you check your phone to see if youve gotten any texts from him. unfortunately there wasnt anything from him. well, youve promised to give space to him anyway. its practically pointless now knowing he wont respond. you should probably just cry to sleep. maybe things will get better tomorrow.

:: a/n — hiii i felt abit angsty today so i um kinda tried writing angst wirh my creativity ig. some of these things are based on true events lolol. oh, thanks for the attention on my Xiao hcs btw ^^ love yall ❤️ please consider reblogging/ liking this post if you like it! follow me too btw :") okiess bye !!

#xiao x reader #xiao angst #genshin impact #fanfics #gaming #Spotify

[taylorscrows]

Rant (dont read the post if you dont like rants especially if its about parents. There is also a bunch of swearing so be warned)

I honestly dont know wtf is wrong with my parents like theyre over here making me feel like im a stupid dumb bitch lmao. Like when the fuck will i ever be enough for my parents like literally when??? They already cant even understand me and ive always accepted that but the least they can do is make me feel loved....thats literally it and ill be happy for the rest of my life. My dad is such a fucking hothead and my mom can never fucking face reality and tries to pretend that everything is fine even tho its not. Anytime i try to tell them that im feeling hurt by them all they do is guilt me until i fucking cry like bro-. Why is my dad's number 1 go to thing to do is get mad at me like what did i ever do to you. What sort of started this post is the fact that we got our report cards today and they keep on saying that they dont care what fucking grades i get as long as i tried my best and yada yada and i come home feeling so happy cause even tho i didnt get perfect grades i got relatively high grades but that wasnt enough for them and they told me that if i get something lower than a vg ( which stands for very good since we have a different grading system in our school) then im practically fucking worthless wtf (its not like they got good grades as well there was literally a time when my dad kept on talking about how he cheated on his exam and bla bla bla). And all they care about is me protecting their fucking image around relatives and other friends even tho ive been signaling to my grandma like yo all my dad does is get mad then one day i finally snapped and cried in front of my grandparents and my grandpanl fucking shouted at him and he kept on saying that he didnt do anything wrong (they are the best grandparents btw❤) and when we got home of course my mom will ultimately take his side cause i know fot a fact that my mom is terrified as shit of my dad so of course anything to make daddy happy. Also including the fact that instead of helping me figure out myself all they fucking do is keep me away from that. They are also so homophobic as fuck which realy hurts me cause i am part of the lgbtq community. Tumblr is literally my only escape from things. I hate them so much they also deteriorate my self confidence and self esteem( tho most of that deterioration is from my teachers but they just make it worse) fuck them honestly. I could literally just trip and fall to the ground and they would get mad at me and complain. I could literally be having a full blown panic attack and they would get mad at me saying that "big girls dont cry" like what kinda shitty thing is that. Also back them my life was such a mess that i was dealing with suicidal thoughts but they obviously didnt help with anything they just made it worse

#long rant

[lockedtowers]

Living Arrangements

and again anything mentioning other characters unless you want it to apply to urs will only be applying to my npc versions i am not forcing anything on you

obviously, once cassie escapes the hearts the first time, she doesn’t really have a place so to say. the jabberwock takes her to a very beaten down cabin at the cusp of Forest of Wabe and the Tulgey Wood, theres holes in the wall, the roof is rotting away, but it’s still shelter. and honestly that’s pretty much where she lives.

technically, when miseris told dodo about her escape, meaning dodo is more aware of who she is than she is (miseris has more information due to him having a relationship with their older half brother who told him, again theyre boys they dont inherit anything because they have cassie as a sister, so) and dodo sees that as an opportunity. but rather than trap her in the library (which was his first plan, but it was made adamantly aware to him by caterpillar thanks to jack that she wont help them if she feels trapped), dodo essentially told hatter to find her and take her in.

but even upon meeting hatter ( because dodo didnt know where she was, nobody really did, but the arrangement for doormouse to play her ‘relative’ for any who would ask had already been arranged for when she arrived) she wasnt just gonna go live with him, and honestly he probably didnt even actually ask like wtf was dodo thinking in the first place, people dont really know this girl, she might be ‘helpful to the resistance’ but theres no guarantee shes in any way shape or form gonna be decent to be around. it took awhile, but she did agree to work with hatter, and did agree to pretending to be a relative of doormouse, but she also didnt entitely understand why he would help her. her trusting him came pretty easily though because even though march made sure she forgot him to save his own skin, that familiarity due to their resemblance still pulled through, she had no problem trusting him between that ‘strange familiarity’ and just the fact he wanted to ‘help’ her.

but that didn’t translate to her living with him. she has stayed in the tea shoppe before in his office though, but for the most part she stayed in that debilitated cabin, even through weather events that she did not look good or healthy or anything afterwards of. the river in the forest is her bath and otherwise source of water, the forest provides the sustenance she needed and she didn’t know if she needed any better since, even though shes used to the absolute wreck that is what the queen gives her people, she’s never had to take care of herself to that degree before. even getting absolutely ill from something she didn’t really get that thats what caused it. he has seen her cabin though, its pitifulness definitely offended him but seeing as the jabberwock was only not eating him because cassie told him no, but everytime he made a face it looked ready to bite him, he kept his mouth shut. it kind of takes hatter teaching her how to care for herself for her to learn, but upon escaping wonderland altogether that habit of pretty shit self care does return.

in post wonderland verses where she meets others, she does not have any real living conditions. if theres a forest nearby shes probably staying in there. if theres abandoned housing she’d be hiding away inside as long as she can. she doesn’t have a home and really never did, that abandoned, debilitated, broken and rotted cabin was the closest to a home she ever knew outside of hatter, and that’s not an option anymore. none of it is. so she doesnt actually have anywhere, and cameras and the like are things shes aware of so she knows she cant just manipulate people at hotels for free housing, she doesnt know what a hostel is, and shes not technically a citizen anywhere, so while she can glamor people to get into places without an id or to get free food, she doesnt have much to go off outside of that.

#i tried to rewrite it but i can’t | canon #bbygirl does not know she can ask for help either

[spiralemoji]

Write down how I’m feeling

Maybe I’ll make it out of this

I don’t know what I’m doing

Hoping for things to get a little better

Life goes by so fast and then its over

Some people seem to live forever

As if they’re on a different time line

And unaffected by the laws of the universe

I dont wanna be real

Im scared of how god will judge me

I tried, I tried, I tried

It was better not to feel

Now I’m trapped in paradise

Its all black and white, paper or plastic

As if it makes a difference

they tell me that i’m healing 

but they don’t really know 

if it’s all about perspective, where the trajectory to show for it 

downward spiral, i let go a long time ago because i’m dyin 

you said it best, if i brought you into this world, i can take you out of it 

maybe its not your fault, or maybe you killed me 

no one really knows 

i dont need justice, just wanna feel safe at home in my bones 

tossed out my entire record collection 

but it still follows me in my memories 

and i can hear them spinning around in my head 

like it was yesterday 

thats all i wanna do sometimes, just lay on the floor and listen to your guitar 

spend several hours making half-assed art 

i hope you like it this time... i hope you like it this time, 

baby i tried, i tried, i tried 

i want to set myself free from myself, but i dont know if thats possible. 

i want to be real, im afraid i’ll sell my soul to the devil 

all this conflict you gave me, doesn’t change me or rearrange me... 

i look myself in the mirror and i told her, i dont understand you anymore. 

if i die then maybe i die 

we’re all already dead, but we live forever anyways 

maybe that’s the end, i wanna take risks but im so afraid 

theres no method, to the madness 

maybe peace comes with acceptance, not resistance.

what do i know, im lost and confused. 

or maybe i hit it right on the nose.,, 

maybe life’s not a game you can win or lose.

if theres no truth, then why are there so many rules.

this world is killin you, 

i tried i tried i tried 

angels guiding you... 

take me home.

swallow another bottle, of everythings fine 

maybe itll be ALright 

this world is killin you

i try if not be strongt for me ill be strong for you 

because im out of options, my case is hopeless, 

i always knew

[berryunho]

LOL sorry omg i really died. like am still dying. i spent all day yesterday crying over my coursework and shit but i talked to that guy and he really knocked some sense into me and told me to not be so hard on myself... so now im crying internally and not externally 😭

ive been thinking about it now and i think i might switch majors for the sake of my sanity bc real talk the amount of work is insane and i cant properly function it's crazy out here idk how people do this... i was thinking maybe health sci since i already have most of the credits for the degree and ive always wanted to be involved in the healthcare field... im gonna see my academic advisor on monday and see what they say because holy guacamole i want to be able to enjoy school w/o crying every time i think about it

omg that got long but those have been my thoughts for the past few days BUT ANYWAY that's so good!!!! im so happy for you big brain energy we love to see it!! ive got a biochem midterm this week (which is the cause of my mental breakdowns BUT KLSJFRG) and ochem is in 2 weeks but as i said might change majors and ochem is not necessary... so i'll prob drop it haha

the last season was so good. i found it a bit slow in the beginning but once it picks up it's going like i could not stop watching it!! i havent watched bcs but i heard it gets better near the end again?? ive watched el camino tho

that's how i felt abt crocheting at first like im the type of person to try something for a little bit and then give up right after but honestly!!! it's so fun because you can make all kinds of different things like clothing, bags, accessories and it's so fun!! i've been picking up knitting too and i've made some socks and i'm working on a sweater rn

WOIEFJWE that man is so wonderful like i feel like he really understands me and !!!!!!!!!!! i feel like he really balances out the "negative" parts/thoughts of me and is so reassuring IM WHIPPED LOL

omg yes i had a bad cold too like a week ago (no covid as well) and i think i might be good now knock on wood!! what a slay im glad your classes are going so well for you! i dont follow hockey (gasp) but i can see the thrill of it!! hopefully they can win the next game!

highly enjoyed the break. have a great weekend too!! <3

-mightychondria

no no no worries lol i totally get being busy and everything <33

but omg :[[ im sorry that school has been so overwhelming and stressful for you aaaaa yeah if its at the point where you're upset everyday and completely overwhelmed and don't like school then i definitely agree w changing your major.... you don't want the rest of your life to be like this lol health science would be interesting for sure !! there are so many ways to be involved in health care and the health system without being a doctor/nurse/etc so im sure you'll be able to find something that works !!

?!*%*$???($*@)? you're taking ochem AND biochem at the same time ?!!?($*@)@ i understand the breakdowns wtf id lose it fr but lol fingers crossed changing your major works out so that you don't have to take that ochem exam

fr i definitely understand why breaking bad is considered like one of the best shows of all time ... the writing was so good and the story was so compelling and even when it got to the point where you were like 'wtf thats sick and messed up' you couldnt stop watching bc you were in so deep lol but !! ive yet to watch el camino ... hmmm

oooo man thats so cool !! you're so right like i always see crochet tutorials on tiktok for like the most random things ever and you can make like. anything. its amazing. hehe maybe ill try it out once i have more free time :]

YAAAYYY FOR THE MAN!! im glad that he's good for you :] its very nice that he's sticking w you through all of your stress and helping you out!! hehe have yall gone on any fun dates or are you just ~talking~ ?

tis the time of year for colds lol this one i think is just about done ... my cough is significantly better today but i can't decide if its actually better or if its just bc i havent been talking today .... lol ig ill see tomorrow! KFLJDSKFJ [gasp] a canadian that doesn't follow hockey ... an incredible find ... hehehe im joking but yes fr hockey is so crazy compared to other sports like even though its kinda like soccer its still so different and sooooo entertaining to me lol ty for the support for my team they definitely need it [muffled through fake coughing] they're bad [more fake coughing]

yay! i hope this week of classes goes better! tyyyy <3 <3 <3

#mightychondria anon #answered

[reidsnose]

hair tie

overview: spencer and the reader start carpooling to work together

genre: fluff!!

a/n: i really dont know if this one is any good i just thought the idea was cute but let me know what yall think :)

masterlist

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spencer was startled by the sudden knock, guests were rare in his little apartment, let alone this early in the morning. a bit paranoid he put his hand over the gun attached to his hip, just in case.

what surprised him even more than the unexpected knock was seeing you through the peep hole when he got to the door.

"y/n? are you ok?" he worried, scanning you up and down quickly to make sure you weren't hurt.

"no um i'm ok," you nervously chewed on your lip, "i was going to call you but i don't have your cell yet. oh my gosh this is going to sound so weird."

you were relatively new to the BAU and they were all very welcoming. the only person who seemed a little bit more closed off was Spencer.

it was true, he was avoiding you a little bit, but only because you were the most beautiful human being he had ever seen; which only made you that much more intimidating. he was afraid. what if he said something stupid? what if the second he opened his mouth you started thinking he was just his IQ. but you were fully a part of the team now. he would have to at least be aquatinted with you.

"its ok, you can say it." he encouraged kindly, causing you to visibly relax.

"ok. oh before i ask i want to preface this by saying you could totally say no i completely understand its a super weird thing especially because we barely know each other." you took a breath as he nodded, a slightly amused smile toyed with his lips.

"i understand the implications. proceed." he mentally slapped himself for wording his thoughts like that.

"do you maybe.. wanna drive to work together? i heard you talking about how you take the train and i also heard that you have an aversion to germs and i drive by your apartment to get to work anyway so i-" you cut yourself off, looking up and seeing him staring at you wide eyed. "i'm sorry this is too weird i over stepped my boundaries and now you dislike me even more. i'm sorry for interrupting your morning. um, you're going to be late for work if i don't leave you alone so ill just- sorry. i'm sorry."

truthfully, this was one of the kindest things anyone has ever offered to do for him. and you offered it with genuine kindness, no ulterior motives to try and get something from him. he stood stunned. how were you so beautiful AND kind. and still somehow a little intimidating.

"we're gonna be late" he called out.

"what?" you turned, having already walked a couple steps from his apartment, your heart beating a bit faster at the sound of his voice.

"you said i'm going to be late. but were carpooling. so we'll both be late," he said matter-a-factly, grabbing his coat and satchel.

"YES!" you laughed, a cracking a wide smile and punching the air triumphantly.

you leaned against the railing of the stairs as you watched him lock up. he was tall and slender and very handsome. so handsome. not handsome like morgan, handsome in a way you were sure you'd never seen before. an incredibly unique and scarce handsomeness that only Spencer Reid had. you tried to forget those thoughts as he began walking towards you.

"i don't dislike you, by the way." he blurted as the two of you walked down the stairs. he felt bad that he made you think he isn't fond of you; the problem was he was too fond of you.

"oh! thats good i've been trying to think of every interaction we've ever had because i was afraid i might have said or done something."

"truth be told," he huffed out a breath, "i was kind of intimidated by you."

you laughed a real, genuine laugh from deep in your belly as you reached your car. the sheer coincidence of the situation as well as your entirely non intimidating nature was seriously laughable.

"you cant be serious! did Garcia tell you?" you asked, completely dumbfounded.

"tell me what?" he asked back, confusion lacing his voice.

"that i was intimidated by you!" you confessed.

"what? this guy in Texas called me a pipe cleaner with eyes! how could i have possibly intimidated you?"

he looked around your car trying to subtly profile you. thats when he noticed you had put hand sanitizer in the passenger side door. and you had pushed the seat back to accommodate for his long legs. it was just two little things, two ways you put a little extra effort in to make him feel welcome, but he was 100% positive if he thought about it too much he would cry. he felt the need to do something like this for you. not to get even or anything, but simply because he wanted to make you feel the way he felt right now.

"i don't know! you're so tall and smart and you seemed quiet but i guess thats only because you were avoiding me. are you sure garcia didnt tell you?" you laughed, watching the road.

now it was his turn to laugh, "no i swear, Garcia didn't say anything about that to me!"

The two of you continued driving, either talking or sitting in a comfortable silence. and this little carpool became a tradition. the two of you arriving and leaving work together every single day, causing the two of you to become closer.

you had to admit, every morning and evening you spent with Spencer made him just seem more and more perfect. unbeknownst to you, the exact same thing was happening with him.

he noticed, one day, as you were pulling your hair up to tie in a ponytail, your hands alternated searching your wrists for a hair tie but there wasn't one there. once he noticed it once, he started noticing it constantly. on a case, in the office, in the car, at a bar. you always seemed to forget your hair ties.

so he went to the store after you drive him home one day, and got a few packs of hair ties. after paying for them, he put one on each wrist and the rest in his satchel, so next time, when you needed one, he'd have it.

he felt like such a creep, constantly watching you to see when you would try to put your hair up. of course the rest of the team took notice, though they had noticed your obvious incline towards each other, Spencer was clearly acting a little weird.

and then it happened.

the two of you were partnered to go to the crime scene on a case, and you went to tie up your hair before you entered the scene. he could hardly contain his excitement, his mind moving a mile a minute trying to decide how he wanted to give you the hair tie. he watched one of your hands search your wrist, but this time it pulled off a little black band and started looping it around your hair.

he couldn't believe it. he finally had a chance to make you feel a portion of the way he felt when he saw your effort in making his car Spencer-friendly, and new he had to think of a new way to do it.

snap.

he looked over and saw you holding what used to be your hair tie, now no longer a band, but a completely useless elastic line.

"you've gotta be-" you muttered to yourself, but your sentence was interrupted as Spencer nonchalantly jutted his wrist towards you. "what are you doing?"

"take my hair tie." he stated simply, trying so hard not to blush. this became even harder as your fingers graced the skin of his wrist while you pulled the hair tie off.

"oh! thank you! you're a life saver!" you breathed, cracking a wide smile as you used it to tie your hair up.

you couldn't help the butterflies going absolutely insane in your stomach. why did he have a hair tie? does he tie his hair up sometimes? why have you never seen it up? you tried to suppress a smile, that would be completely inappropriate for a crime scene.

but you couldn't suppress the warm feeling in your chest. because that was always there when Spencer was around.

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ultra mega super cool taglist:

@mac99martin @imhreid @spencersmagic @hollydaisy23 @raelady1184 @a-broken-pact @padfootswife

#criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfic #reid #garcia #penelope garcia #morgan #derek morgan #hotch #aaron hotchner #prentiss #emily prentiss #spencer reid x reader fluff #spencer reid fluff #fluff